#aro misery

[heartless-aro]

Being a nonpartnering aro is funny because you’ll go “I would like to be single forever” and society is like “nooo you can’t be happy like that!” even though you are already single and happy about it. It’s so silly. What do you mean I can’t be happy staying single forever? I have been happily single my whole life. I am literally already doing the thing that people assume will bring lifelong misery upon me, and I’m happy. If I am doomed to lifelong misery, then where is that misery right now?

[spitefularoandbi]

I hate how I can't comfortably tell an alloro (who's an alloace, she's my only irl aspec friend) how I'm open to questioning if I'm aromantic across the board bc I just am.. or if I may be alloro for women and just dont know because I havent let myself figure that out. And I can't fully comfortably say that to her without any worry because I have now, Now Again, come out three times to her as aro bi and I had to state my orientation to her again last night when she offered to set me up with a friend of hers. "What if yall meet and fall in love 😅😅" she said, so I reminded her I'm arospec. I called myself "grayromantic" to her in the next message because I'm hoping that she, a demisexual, would fucking understand that at least.

Maybe she forgot. I'm very quiet and private about my stuff. So like, very logically, maybe she forgot.

But she told me once 8 years ago that she was demisexual and for pride in 2020 I sent her and her now wife both lesbian and demisexual enamel pins because she was sad about the pandemic shutting everything down and she noted how nice it was because "everyone always forgets."

I would like to not be fucking forgotten, too.

[lovelessrage]

I feel like when the question is asked "do aros feel like they are forced to choose QPRs/some other type of non-romantic dynamic", it's often missing a very vital component, and that is that most people interpret that question to be someone strongarming you into that choice.

What is far more common is the societal impacts at play and how those affect someone's choices. For example, the complex of feeling incomplete or broken without a romantic partner often translates to feeling the same way without a QPR. Feeling failed without a relationship, or that you are missing out on a grand experience others can have but you can't, is also a type of pressure. When you measure your worth up against a checklist of relationships, that's an enforced idea. It's subtle, and it only comes into the light when you already hate yourself and feel empty and alone.

People don't often come up to you and tell you how sad and miserable you'll be directly; it is something you gain from being surrounded by an ideal of success that you feel you cannot meet. I often feel that, for a community that can often pride itself on its "awareness" of alloromantic relationships, or seeing things others don't, or offering relationship advice, there is that same side that sees these blindspots as unapplicable to them. That they are immune to amatonormativity and its variants, when they are not.

How much is want, a healthy want for this dynamic, and how much is based upon an implanted need? How much is based on this as the "aro experience", the "aro relationship", the "aro struggle" influencing what we see as necessary? How much is feeling like you can't be happy or complete without the last little checkmark?

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is wishing TV shows and movies would perform literally any other Shakespeare play but romeo and juliet

.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

i love when people who never talk about their xyz queer characters suddenly start posting a whole bunch for one awareness week then never mention it again!! its my fav!!!

[fishtish]

On a school trip and the girl I’m rooming with won’t stop bragging about her boyfriend in the military. She just walked in the room after a phone call with him, said, “if you heard me crying, no you didn’t”. I say, “what’s wrong?” She replies, “legally, I can’t tell you”. Ohhhh my gosh why did you just make a whole big sigh and tell me you were crying WHY DID YOU SET UP A WHOLE THING FOR ME TO ASK YOU WHAT’S WRONG SO YOU CAN SAY THAT. i hope jakey dies

[bluebellpeppers]

When your new friendship is only a few hours old and already has an expiration.

[kienansidhe]

unrequited love is a special kinda hell huh?

[redysetdare]

Look, i get it. You're SAD your Aro. You're SAD your Ace. you HATE not feeling romantic/sexual attraction. you WISH you were allo. Life isn't how Amatonormativity said it would be. I GET IT. But at some point u gotta stop wallowing in self pity and misery and reach the acceptance stage of grief. I promise you that you will feel better once you stop feeling bad for yourself and start realizing you aren't broken for being aspec. literally you have the option to not live your life feeling miserable over something you can't change. You will find other things to make you happy. you will find that you don't have to "miss out" on anything. You can find happiness. You just gotta learn to let go of your misery. You deserve to find happiness, even if it's not in the way you original thought you would.

[arolesbianism]

Sigh. It begins (being forced to see the worst aro hcs I've ever seen in my life because ppl have a talent for finding the absolute worst characters to be their token aro hc)

[anaalnathrakhs]

red from osp has an ace ring in the new video <3333

[zoekrystall]

I am currently busy w a new carrd where I finally found a layout I think I like (and I learned I apparently get a taaad angry when I want to work on smth but have zero ideas but keep forcing so. good to know) but quick happy birthday lucifer my babygirl ily. Pretty boy. My pathetic handsome demon. You might be the avatar of pride but I have such a feral urge to see you on your knees I refuse to believe you're a dom in any way. But alas I'm ace so smothering you with cute gestures on your birthday it is. Oh fuck yknow what I've been lamenting how no-one irl wants to (learn to) swing dance with me since years now that's an idea actually. Bet he knows how to do some fancy dances and the couple ones seem the most fun.

Will maybe once that is done and I got sleep push myself into moodboards w a belated lucifer one (also want to make one specific other one). We'll see. Also I have got to be one of the only people that doesn't hc characters as anything huh. Aka would love to make pride + char edits of any kind but what fuck if I know.

[genderqueerdykes]

in honor of aromantic spectrum awareness week, i thought i'd take the time to talk about how much my personal life and feelings improved after coming to terms with the fact that i'm aromantic. before i accepted this, i found myself in several romantic relationships where i was deeply unhappy, uncomfortable, and made to feel like i wasn't a good enough partner because i just couldn't do or feel certain things.

i've never enjoyed kissing, and cuddling gets uncomfortable for me within the first few minutes of doing so. even hugs are deeply uncomfortable to me unless i really know and care about someone, and even then, hugs only come when that person asks for them. it never occurs to me to touch people this way, the most you'll get out of me is a pat on the shoulder, back or knee.

i ended up dating several people who were very much romantics, and heavily focused on that aspect of our relationship. it kind of felt like torture to me, i felt like i was being forced to live every day like it was Valentine's Day- every day had to be filled with hours of cuddling, kissing, and telling the other person how much i loved them. while not all romantic partners are like this, it wore on my psyche quickly to be paired with folks like this, because i understood how important it was to them, but i just couldn't keep up the performance.

i thought something was "wrong" with me for years and that i just wasn't in touch with my emotions, or that i was somehow embracing some toxic aspects of my masculinity without realizing. it took me ages to remember that i came out as aromantic when i was much younger, but after criticism from my friends, including a friend who was asexual, i stopped identifying with the label, because i was told that aromanticism wasn't real, and that that just made me an asshole.

nearly a decade and several uncomfortable romantic relationships later, it finally clicked that there wasn't something wrong with me, but there was something wrong with the situations i was getting myself into. sure, i love being partnered- i have a queerplatonic partner that i've known for a decade and have only gotten closer to over time. but we've never been romantic. we don't exchange romantic platitudes, and i realized; i've never been happier with someone else than i am with this person.

why is that?

oh. because they don't expect romance from me. they are also on the aspectrum and don't have a romantic partner, either.

this relationship has brought me more joy than any romantic partnership i've ever attempted to pursue. that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me- i was just looking for happiness in the wrong places. i was miserable not because i'm aromantic, but because i was getting into romantic relationships.

romance can be a source of misery. romance does not inherently make everyone happy. we are not all looking for romance as a species. in fact, chasing it makes many people miserable. too many people spend their lives looking for "the one" that they can kiss, cuddle, hold and say all of those mushy things to when they may not even want that to begin with.

i've never been more at peace with myself since finally, fully accepting that i'm aromantic. i love who i am, and i love how i love. i am not loveless, i experience platonic, queerplatonic and other forms of love. but loveless aromantics aren't miserable, either. we are all embracing ourselves in a way that's true to us. we are refusing to warp ourselves to a society that tells us that we all must have homogeneous feelings.

i am aromantic. i am here. my aromanticism is queer in a society that expects and demands romance of me, and this is true of all aromantics, cis, trans, gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, and otherwise. we are here, we are not going away any time soon, and we will not be silent because our identities make some people uncomfortable. we are happiest being who we are.

happy aro week, this goes out to every last arospectrum person out there, appreciate yourselves this week. you deserve it.

[neteyamslovrr]

HOW CAN I LOSE YOU?

summary: prmoised to a stranger Y/N takes flight and finds herself lost in the pandorian forest, only to be found by a omaticayan boy. who knew that strangers could fall in love so fast?

a/n: 5.7K WORDS bro that's more than my assignments. anyway i am incredibly proud of this fic and i hope you enjoy it as much as i do

──── ⑅*❀*⑅ ────

Heat rose through your body, fury filling your insides as the words your mother said repeated in your mind like an intoxicating mantra. You are promised.

Promised? Th only promise is your misery. To think it’s not even someone from your clan. A stranger, an outsider, unknown to you and you were meant to mate. The fury grew even thinking about it.

“Y/N? Respond please.” Your mother held her hands on your shoulder as you refused to look in her direction.

“What? I’m being promised to someone I don’t even know. Am I meant to be excited?” You spat venom at your mother avoiding her eye contact, swatting her hands off of your body.  

“Y/N! Do not speak to your mother like that!” Always chiming in when he wasn’t needed, that’s what your father did.

“Don’t treat your daughter like a peace treaty then!” You shouted back, a sharp finger pointed at your father’s chest. You started to walk backwards, hands shaking from the rage racking through your body. “I’m leaving.”

“No Y/N, you can’t leave now, we have things to discuss!” Your mother was desperate walking fast to match the fast pace you had created to reach your ikran.

“You have nothing to say to me.” Harsh words shot at your mother as you hoped onto your ikran. “Go, Lifo!” Shouting out your banshees name you took off, gusts of wind leaving your parents to stare at their fleeing daughter.

You couldn’t remember how long you had been flying, the ongoing replay of the fight with your parents and the doom of your near future plagued your mind. Leaving your ikran to fly into unknown territory, a dense forest filled with a loud glow that encompassed every lifeform.

Landing on a large tree you disconnected from Lifo, the glow was different to your clan, it was much more apparent, the plant life encompassing every step you would take.

Strolling through the forest, you wandered looking for any food or water, as the unexpected trip took a toll on your body, hunger brewing in your stomach creating soft grumbles that harmonized with the sounds of the forest. Inspecting all of the flora around you, you spotted a purple fruit. You only recognized it as the same fruit grew on smaller trees surrounding your village.  

Picking the fruit, avoiding the thorns on the fruits skin, you took a bite. The flesh of the fruit spilling into your mouth leaving you with an amazing taste and a wash of nostalgia. It was the exact same as home, bringing you back to times when you knew you could run freely and weren’t subjected to a life of misery, a life of lack of love.

A sudden crunch of leaves instantly got rid of the nostalgic feeling you had and replaced them with fear, subconsciously holding onto the knife in the loop of your loin cloth as your heart started to beat rapidly.

“Who are you?” A loud voice boomed in front of you. A tall man, braids reaching his shoulders and hand who also reached onto his knife stood tall across from you, his figure intimidating as he questioned you.

“I mean no harm! I am just lost!” You retracted your hand off your knife to surrender yourself to the man in front of you. “I am from the eastern seas, my ikran and I flew too far.” Pointing to your sleeping ikran in the treetops above the pair of you. The mans eyes softened immediately, you noticed a=how the bioluminescent glow of the forest made his features stand out like a flower in a desert.

“Are you alright?” The man asked coming closer, his hand now also abandoning his knife, knowing you were no longer a threat.

“Yes, just looking for food.”

“You cannot stay in the forest at night, you’ll die.” Panic rose throughout you as you realised you stood in such hostile foliage. Eyes immediately scanning around where you stood, conscious of the danger surrounding you. “Rest within my clan, you’ll leave in the morning.” He wasn’t asking you, more like a demand.

Nodding hesitantly, you clapped three times to wake Lifo up, watching her wide wings flap down to the ground to let you board her. “Please lead the way.”

He nodded, calling his ikran to fly high into the sky waiting for you to follow suit. “What is your name Ikran girl?” He shouted over the noise of the two of your ikran’s flying.

“It’s Y/N…what is yours forest boy?”

“Neteyam.” That’s a pretty name.

Upon arrival you watched as many people hustled to look at the newcomer. Two women rose to the front, the rest parting to make way for them. Assuming they were important, you greeted them with a bow. “oel ngati kameie”

The two repeated it before turning aggressively to the boy you knew as Neteyam.

“Who do you bring here?” An older woman asked, she looked wise. Maybe she was Tsa’hik?

“Her name is Y/N, flew over from the eastern seas and got lost in the forest, she is here to rest.” Neteyam’s voice was serious, his face stern, like a man of leadership. Who exactly had you run into in the middle of this forest?

“I see…” She replied, her eyes gliding over you. Frozen in the moment, her stare was intimidating but so was the hundreds of others that oogled at you. It made the hunger settling in your stomach turn into anxiety.

“Feed this poor girl!” A younger woman replied, coming up beside the Tsa’hik. She was thin, her braids similar to Neteyam’s, feathers adorning her hair, as a small child held tightly onto her hand.

“Yes mother.” Neteyam nodded, he looked at you and your frozen form. Laying a soft hand on your shoulder. “Come, your ikran will rest.” He started walking off even before you could process his words but seeing as he was the only person you knew in this place, it was first instinct to follow him around like a lost child.

He lead you into a tent, inside were fruit baskets and water stored in wooden jars. If you weren’t so shocked by the continuous new surrounding you would’ve rushed to the fruit.

“Hurry and eat, everyone can hear your stomach.” Neteyam said as he stood next to the fruit, picking one up to put into your hands. Picking the fruit out of his hands, your fingers brushed his palm slightly.

It shouldn’t have worked you up so much, but the static between the two of you evoked a small gasp out of you. Neteyam felt the touch too, he just decided to ignore it but seeing your overreaction brought a soft smirk to his face.

“Do not make fun of the guests Neteyam!” A girl pushed between the two of you, giving Neteyam a nudge. She was short, her hair messy and her voice deep.

“I was not sister!” Neteyam scoffed pushing his sister back. She let out an exaggerated gasp holding onto her arm dramatically.

Munching onto the fruit in your hands, you watched the pair of sibling’s bicker in front of you. You would’ve giggled at their antics if the anxiety of being in this new place wasn’t controlling every thought.

“Oh! I haven’t introduced myself!” The shorter girl turned to you curtly. “I am Kiri, Neteyam’s sister. What is your name?”

“It’s Y/N.” You said with you mouth full, face covered in a sticky sap excreting from the fruits skin.

“That’s quite pretty, your name.” You heated up, a compliment was rarely something you received.

“Thankyou very much.” You smiled at the girl, your gaze distracted by Neteyam who overlooked your conversation, a soft smile glistening over his face. It looked like was almost in awe watching the two women converse.

Neteyam shook his head, realising he left himself loose in his thoughts. Looking over at your messy face he was mesmerised, each of your features perfectly matched the other, you looked so soft yet sharp, so tough but so elegant.

He shouldn’t be thinking this, not as an Olo’eyktan, he had duties, responsibilities. He can’t develop a liking for another clan woman.

“Are the fruits…good?” He sounded so awkward, destroying the flow of the conversation between you and Kiri. Kiri snorted in response at her brother, she wasn’t dumb, she knew when a boy thought a girl was pretty, especially when its her brother making a fool of himself.  

You nodded enthusiastically. “They’re amazing, thankyou Neteyam.” You had finally finished the fruit, leaving your face and hands sticky. An uncomfortable feeling no doubt.

“I’m uh glad.” Neteyam responded, being slightly deterred as his sister left, poking him in the spine as she snuck out of the tent, leaving Neteyam alone, with this…girl.

“Why are you all the way in the forest by the way?” Neteyam asked suddenly, his eyes directly upon yours, looking into them, noticing the glint of sadness that washed over your pupils momentarily.

“I argued with my parents. Flew off in a rush and got distracted as to where I was flying. So now I am here.” You shrugged, taking a seat on the floor of the tent, your legs growing tired from your long journey. Neteyam followed your actions and sat down in front of you. Much closer to where he stood.

“Oh, I am sorry.”

“Do not be sorry, my parents should be the sorry ones, but you do not want to be burdened with the quarrels of my family.” A stifled chuckle escaped your throat as you looked up to see Neteyam listening to your ever word.

“I would not be burdened if you decided to talk about it.” His voice was calm, soft, a comforting feeling spreading through your chest as you heard his words.

“Thankyou.”

Neteyam nodded, as he patted just above your knee, a soft hand to comfort whatever grief was consuming your emotions. “Do you want to sleep, or would you like to continue to eat?”

“Uh, I don’t want to eat more than I am allowed to.”

“Well, are you still hungry?”

“…yes”

Neteyam shoved another piece of fruit in your hands. “Then you will eat.”

“Thankyou.” You smiled at him, biting into the fruit once again.

Neteyam was compelled by your presence, he had known you for merely an hour but the magnetic connection he felt as he was drawn to you was undeniable. Was he going crazy?

You noticed his heavy stare on you once more. It made you nervous, his eyes looking through you as you sat in front of him. His beauty was one you had never seen, he poise interested you. Were you attracted to this random man? You must be going crazy.

Chewing the food in a slightly rush you watched as Neteyam’s eyes awkwardly shuffled around the room to try and avoid making too much eye contact with you. With a small inhale you tried to gain the courage to break the awkward tension between you two.

“So Neteyam, you seem important around here, is there a reason why?” Your question surprised Neteyam. He had never met someone who knew nothing of his reputation within the clan.

“I am the future Olo’eyktan, my father is Toruk Makto.” You almost spat out the food in your mouth. You were speaking so casually with the son of Toruk Makto? Not even that, his firstborn son? He must have been staring because you were so informal!

“Oh! Son of Toruk Makto. I should have been more formal!” You rushed to stand up again to bow down to him. Scrambling to your feet with speed, you felt a soft grip on your wrist.

There Neteyam looked up at you, his eyes slightly…disappointed? Was he really that upset about your informalities?

“Sit back down Y/N, there is no need to be so formal.”

“Are you sure.” Your voice was quiet, eyes filled with confusion and hesitance as he nodded giving you the go ahead to sit once again.

“Yes I’m sure…just think of me as Neteyam.”

“Okay, I’ll do that…Neteyam.” He smiled at the sound of his name, the way you giggled as you said it, smile shining brightly in the soft moonlight that slipped through the tents curtains.

“What are you in your clan?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation flowing with you.

“I am the second daughter of the Olo’eyktan. Nothing special.” You shrugged, avoiding his hardening gaze. His hand returned once again to your thigh, an awkward attempt at comfort but still an attempt.

“You are a daughter of your clan’s leaders, that is important.” A stern statement filled with pride, his eyes softening while looking at you.

“Thankyou.” You said followed with a small yawn, eyes watering slightly. Your body was now feeling the fatigue of the long day that was now behind you.

“Oh, that reminds me, sleeping.” A soft chuckle left your lips in response to Neteyam, eyelids now starting to droop subtly. “This is my tent is where I usually sleep but if you would like you can sleep in here and I can sleep in my family’s tent?” He sounded so unsure, to suggest it as if there was another option as to where you could sleep safely.

“I do not want to kick you out of your bedroom.” You said shaking your head.

“But you are a guest you should sleep here safe.” A quick rebuttal

“Well, but this is your tent. This is where you sleep.”

“No, tonight it is where you sleep.” You sighed, pursing your lips together in response to Neteyams final remarks.

“But-”

“No” he stood up, now looking down at you. His figure looming over you intimidatingly. “You will sleep here tonight. If there is any trouble I am not far away.” He smiled at you, offering a hand to pull you up to his level.

“Are you completely sure?”

“Completely. Goodnight ikran girl.”

“Goodnight Neteyam.”

You both couldn’t deny the heat that rushed flowed to your cheeks. Neteyam stifled his smile as he exited the tent, as a smirking Kiri gave him a knowing look. This may have been the start of something terribly amazing.

It was now morning, a restless night filled with anxiety. The new sounds of the world around you, the mysterious moonlight shining into your eyes and to be alone in a brand new clan. It was terrifying.

Waking up for the last time as you decided it was an appropriate time to start off your day. Siting up you examined the tent around you, the small plants and flowers that littered the ground, and carved wooden pieces that were spread strategically around the tent. He must enjoy decorating you thought to yourself.

The curtain of your room slowly opened, a timid hand holding the edge, peeling it open to reveal Neteyam’s face. “Morning Y/N, did you sleep alright?” He asked closing the curtain again as he entered his tent. He looked down at your barely awake form, the sleep in your eyes and overall exhaustion on your face told him that you in fact did not sleep alright.

“It was fine, thankyou for letting me sleep here.”

“There was no way you weren’t going to, mum would have skinned me if I had not let a woman sleep in her own tent.” He chuckled at the thought, a hand being brought up behind his head.

“Either way, I appreciate it. I’ll have to go home soon though, my parents will send out a search party if I’m not back before todays eclipse.” Neteyam frowned, of course you had to leave. But why was there a tugging in his heart to ask you to stay just a couple hours longer, to talk to you longer, to be near you.

“Yes, but you should stay just a bit…longer.” Neteyam sounded so weary, cursing himself in his mind.

You stared up at him, you couldn’t deny that you wanted to be home, yet you had this growing urge to stay by this stranger. Why? Why did you crave his closeness?

“I guess I could…” His face brightened almost exclaiming in joy, but he choked down his urge to shout.

“Cool.” Cool? Oh, Neteyam you had to be kidding.

“Yeah…cool…” The awkward tension was once again returning as you looked away from the boy in front of you, fidgeting with his hands, rocking on his heels to pray something could meld the awkwardness in the room.

Getting off of your makeshift bed you stood close to Neteyam. Closer than any normal conversation would be. His breath was brushing past your ear as he looked down to see you mimicking his fidgeting.

“Would you like to explore the forest with me?” It was a fast, impulsive, brash decision to ask you that but seeing the way your eyes twinkled in response he felt no shame in being so forward.

“I’d love to.” Sharing smiles, you both enjoyed the now comfortable silence between you. A silence two would share in the pining plot point of a romance movie, one that asserts which two characters will be in love.

“Then let us go!”

That conversation led to you being alone in the forest with Neteyam. As he passionately explained all of the things around you, the plants, the animals. He knew you would have them in your clan, but he was enthralled in the spirit of teaching someone all about his life and culture. To have someone listen so intently to something he was passionate about.

“The forest is beautiful Neteyam.” You breathed out resting your back against a large tree trunk, one similar to the one you landed on the night before.

“I am extremely blessed for it to be my home.” His eyes were bright, smile across his face as his gratitude took over his emotions. He looked alluring to you, a sort of instinct drawing you closer to him, even though he was the one walking closer to you, a subconscious decision.

“Neteyam..” It was quiet but seeing him walk towards you unknowingly led him to stand very close to your front. His chest mere centimetres away from yours. “You are close…” Noticing your whisper he noticed how close he was, he was too busy focusing on the plants around him, he had walked right into you.

He froze when he saw your breath hitch, your eyes connecting as his broad chest momentarily brushed up against yours. “I am sorry, I shouldn’t be.” He looked down seeing your flushed cheeks and avoidant eyes. It intrigued him. Why were you so attractive? He shouldn’t think this.

“No, you shouldn’t.” Your eyes shot up to him, desire pooling in your amber orbs. The feeling was taking over your body, this longing for him. Why did you want this stranger so bad? You knew nothing of him other than the fact that your body was calling for him, begging for him.

Neteyam was now the frozen one, lost in your eyes. The desire you felt transferring to him as he felt his chest grow heavy from yearning. “Y/N…” Your name rolled off his tongue with ease, dripping in anxiousness.

Maybe it was to spite your parents, to find someone before you were mated. Maybe it was the overall intimacy of how Neteyam shyly loomed over you or maybe it was the fact that this man in front of you was the most attractive Na’vi you had ever came across and you were just a teenage girl…alone in the forest.

“Neteyam. Forgive me for this.” Crashing your lips against his your eyes shut tight as your hands travelled up his chest to rest behind his neck. He froze, eyes wide as he felt you upon him. Your touch burning as your hands travelled up and down his body.

Accepting your affections, he closed his eyes and continued to kiss you. Lips latching onto one another as he pulled your into his body, his hands wrapped around the small of your back, thumbs digging into the flesh of your hips.

Starting to lose your breath you broke away from Neteyam’s lips. Meeting his heavy breaths and intense stare. “Neteyam-” cut off as he smashed his lips into yours again. This time it was feverish, his body craving you, to taste you lips and feel every part of your body.

You let out small whimpers as Neteyam’s hands travelled down to grab your ass, his hand resting on the flesh. If he was in his right mind he would’ve been repulsed by his lewd actions but in this moment he craved you, and the sounds you made just drove him closer to insanity.

As hands roamed and kisses grew more desperate you and Neteyam separated, hands laying softly on each other as chests rose in sync, breathing loud and eye contact strong.

“Neteyam, I am sorry. I should not have done that.” The feeling of desire soon turned into shame, not being able to look him in the eye, too embarrassed about what you initiated. Neteyam was still, his face showing none of the feelings he was experiencing.

He longed to taste you again, but he knew it was wrong. He had duties to uphold as leader, he couldn’t kiss whomever he pleased. But you were just so intoxicating.

“No.”

“What?”

“Do not be sorry. I kissed you back. I wanted you so badly. No. I want you so badly.”

“Neteyam, I met you yesterday and I’m leaving today. I shouldn’t have been so impulsive.” He forgot that you had only known each other one eclipse. It felt like eternity. He also forgot that you were meant to leave, you weren’t here forever. This was a mere coincidence, meeting you in the forest was a coincidence.

“Come back then.”

“Huh” You stared up at him, you knew what he said. You just wanted him to repeat himself.

“Leave and come back. We can visit I just…I want to get to know you more Y/N. I don’t want to kiss a girl to never see her again.” Neteyam’s hands had rested against your cheek. It didn’t feel like you had known him for hours, more like years. An old couple reuniting, lost souls reconnecting. That is what it felt like.

“Neteyam…how do I explain that to my parents?”

“Don’t.”

“You are being a bit delusional.”

“I know I just… this is stupid. You just want to go.” His ears flattened against his skull, a prominent frown etched onto his face. You sighed holding onto the hand that laid against your own cheek.

“Neteyam. I want to get to know you as well.”

There it was. That was the start. It was the beginning. You both felt something click in your heads that day. That this is what is right, despite it feeling so wrong.

You and Neteyam had now been visiting each other twice a week. You would fly out on long ‘training hunts’ to understand new waters you have explored but in reality you were in the Pandorian rainforest, sat against a man’s chest as he played with your hair. It had become routine now. It was now habit to see each other.

It felt like true bliss. It let you escape from the impending doom that was meeting your future mate. It felt disgusting to think of living with someone other than Neteyam by your side. Thinking about it made you queasy but most of it made you feel lonely. Knowing one day you would have to say goodbye to Neteyam as your family had trapped you into misery for the benefits of clan’s over their own daughter. However, you didn’t think you would say goodbye to Neteyam this way.

You sat on the tree where you met Neteyam. You decided to pick that one as its large waterfall next to it made it easy for you to know where you were as you barely knew your way around the forest.

Early morning is when you would leave your clan meeting Neteyam as the sun starts to move towards peak. This morning however felt different. Neteyam who usually was there before you was nowhere to be seen. It worried you wondering where he was. He didn’t forget or something did he? No. That is stupid Y/N, you cursed yourself.

Being in the forest alone was scary, not knowing all that resides it made you sensitive to the smallest noise. That’s why when Neteyam emerged out of the heavy foliage you had your knife out ready to attack.

“Y/N? Why is your knife out?”

“You scared the crap out of me Neteyam.” Putting your knife back into the loop of your loincloth you pulled your hands down your face in embarrassment. Your heartbeat now starting to calm down as Neteyam gave you a soft embrace hoping to calm your anxiousness.

“Sorry…I was late talking to my family.” You didn’t realise before because of the adrenaline but Neteyam’s voice was sorrowful. The usual playful tone changing into a melancholy tune. But what alerted you the most was his tear-stricken face. Puffy eyes and dark cheeks.

“Neteyam…have you been crying?” you rested your thumb against his cheek, wiping the residue of tears off his face.

“It is nothing”

“It is definitely something…” your concern grew larger as he looked way from your gaze, obvious he was hiding the new set of tears welling in his eyes.

“No. It is not.”

“Neteyam please-”

“NO Y/N! I- I can’t talk about it. I just want, I want to stay next to you.” His voice cracked, in turn cracking your heart. It ached to see him hurt.

“That is okay baby, come here.” He crashed into your arms, falling onto his knees to smoosh his face into your torso. You could feel the wetness of his tears near your belly button but ignored it to continue soothing him, patting his head softly.

As you sat down to meet him on the ground you noticed his more recent tears. It pained you. What was troubling your boy?

“Nete you can tell me if something is troubling you…”

“I don’t want to lose you Y/N.” The sentence was unexpected, making you widen your eyes as Neteyam continued to let his tears fall out with a stone cold face.

“But I am right here.” A lie, you knew you would be taken away at some point, but you would tried to push it down. Enjoy the time you had with Neteyam, but for some reason he was the one cutting it short.

“No Y/N…I have been promised. I-” he paused to calm himself down, his hand gripping onto your thigh roughly. “I am to mate with someone for my clan. It is my duty.”

“What.”

“Y/N please, I had no say in this.” Your lip quivered, eyes starting to water as you gazed up to the already crying Neteyam. The pain in your body felt crippling, like your heart had been plunged out of you. Small sobs coming out of your mouth in a soft whisper as Neteyam muttered constant apologies to you.

Your chest felt heavy, your body felt heavy. You felt like you were tied down, stuck on the ground you sat on, stuck on Neteyam who hung onto you as you continued to cry in his embrace.

“Neteyam. Does this mean we never see each other again?” His heart shattered at the thought. He had fallen in love with you. Everything you did he wanted to be there with you. He craved you and you craved him. But now you were grieving him and grieving whatever could have been.

“I do not want it to be.”

“But is it.”

“Yes.”

The quiet sobs turned into loud ones as you clawed onto Neteyam. He whispered sweet nothings into your ear as he rocked you back and forth. He tried to have a little composure but hearing your pained voice broke him. He had broken you.

“I don’t want to let you go yet Nete. I was planning on never letting you go! Why did this happen!” you had this secret fantasy in your mind. That one day you and Neteyam would mate, that you would come to your home, denounce your parents promise over you and live happily with Neteyam.

But no. You were now both tied to loveless lives. Constantly yearning for each other while being with one whom you never craved like you craved each other.

“I am so sorry my love. I wish I could do something, but I am stuck.” You nodded, you were in his exact position. You couldn’t blame him. But you wanted to scream, cause a ruckus and demand for Neteyam to stay as yours. It drove you insane. Who was going to be the girl that kept you away from your Neteyam. You’ll skin her, kill her, slit her throat if it meant that Neteyam could still be yours.

“I know…let’s just enjoy our time together” it felt like a knife to the heart, like a final goodbye those last eight words. But Neteyam understood. He knew that this was a goodbye. That all good things had to come to an end but that didn’t make the thought of never having you in his arms again not the most painful thing he had ever thought about.

The ride home was the most painful thing you had ever done. You didn’t stop crying until you reached home, your throat itchy and head pounding. You wanted nothing more than to lay in your hammock and cry. To stay there until it was your time to mate and be miserable forever.

Flying into your home you would’ve thought your parents got the message that you were not to be talked to. But who were they to care about your feelings? So they barged into your room, gasping at the state of their sorrowful daughter.

“My child what has happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You grumbled facing the opposite direction to minimalize the embarrassment you felt of being caught crying.

“We should tell her.” Your fathers voice rung in your ears, making your body go cold. You couldn’t handle anymore bad news, not after this.

“Tell me what.”

“Your mate is to arrive here tomorrow.” Your body heated up, feeling as if your head was on fire with rage. You didn’t even get time to grieve your romance before you were shoved into the hands of a stranger?

“Are you fucking kidding me.”

“Do not speak to us that way.” Your father tried to discipline you, but your rage was nothing compared to him.

“ARE YOU KIDDING?! I DON’T WANT A MATE I WANT TO BE ALONE. FUCK!” You voice was raspy and loud, sure the entire clan could hear you screams.

“You do not get a choice in this. It is for the clan.” You looked into your parents eyes but all you could see is betrayal, how is this fair?

You didn’t have the energy to fight this any longer. Without Neteyam, your purpose was gone. How was anyone meant to fight for their love when their love had been stripped away from them.

“Fine.�� Your mother looked at both her mate and daughter with concern. You had given up. “I don’t care anymore, because it is obvious you do not.”

“You brat-” Your mother coughed loudly to stop your father. Sharing glances, you all looked to each other.

“Thank you daughter for doing this.” Sneering you looked directly into your mothers eyes and then to your fathers.

“I am not your daughter.” Their faces had fallen, the same emotion Neteyam had when he first saw you earlier. They had no right to be upset. Not when they chose this.

As your parents left without a word, you curled into a ball, folding in on yourself trying to shy away from the burden of grief and love tugging on your heart. The pain was indescribable, like someone had taken your heart and diced it in front of you.

That morning your mother had put you in your best attire. A top adorned in red beads and yellow feathers that represented your ikran was placed on top of you. Your usually loincloth had been replaced with one of prettier colour and material, more delicate to look at. Lastly, your hair had been let out, reaching past your shoulder blades as a yellow flower was stuck behind your left ear.

“You look beautiful Y/N.” Your mother had her hands over her mouth adoringly. “Doesn’t she look wonderful?” she asked your father as he replied with a proud nod.

A horn was sounded. Here they come. Entitled pieces of shit, thinking that they could mate into your clan. This wasn’t fair, you just wanted to see Neteyam. You wanted to cry in his arms, yet here you were walking out into the crowd of people. Drums being beat as horns blew. You tried to look poised, to try and look like you weren’t writhing in anxiety of who this man would be.

There flew in three ikrans. Why did it look so familiar? Why was the flashing colours of these animals bringing you back to siting in the forest with your love. You must be going insane.

“Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk’itan! Welcome! Toruk Makto! Welcome!”

What.

No.

This cannot be happening. But it was.

There he stood in front of you. Just as frozen as you. The quiver of your lips came back as you saw him stand in front of you in disbelief.

“Neteyam?” He walked towards you slowly, reaching his shaking hand out to you. You paced towards him, wrapping your hand around his and bringin it to your chest. “It’s! It’s you!” you felt as if you were to burst in relief

“My love, it is you?” Neteyam’s free hand came to caress your cheek, his heart was sparkling, he felt a weight being lift off his shoulders the minute you came into view.

“It is me.” Neteyam’s lip quivered as he sucked in a short breath, trying desperately to not look as if he was a madman. “Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me Neteyam.” He complied, lips melting together in a harmonious union. Love mixed with the salty tears on both your cheeks as he held you closely to him. You kissed him deeply, ignoring the stares and confusion around you. He was here right in front of you, you would never let him go again. Never.

──── ⑅*❀*⑅ ────

hope you enjoyed please comment and reblog and like I appreciate it so much !!

[lovelessnotheartless]

One of the hardest things about being aro/ace is amatonormativity. In other, simpler words, the way having a romantic and sexual relationship is expected of us and so heavily pushed on us by society.

Growing up in a society that tells you that you must feel romance or sexual attraction in order to be successful and happy in life can be absolutely devastating to those who don't feel that way. It can make you feel less than human, alone, broken, unworthy, and so many other really negative feelings. It can make us believe that we can never be happy without it... and the worst part is that the way everyone markets things toward romantic couples, and families, and partners, and the way people treat you if you don't have a partner makes it so hard to be happy as an aro/ace person. And you go through life believing that you can't be happy because you don't feel those feelings. You start to believe they are right, and that you really are lesser and broken and incapable of finding happiness.

I want all my aro/ace people out there to know that I know how hard it is to be happy in this world that constantly tells you that you are broken and wrong and doomed to eternal misery. I know, and I see how hard you work to be yourself and find happiness despite it. I know it is not an easy thing to do, but I promise you that it is possible. You are not broken or wrong--the world is. As a very happy aro/ace person, I am living proof of that. I know that one day, you can be too.

[nekropsii]

im so glad you watched i saw the tv glow i needed someone who is capable of critical analysis to watch that damn film. the amount of people saying the movie is "about a cis man learning to come to terms with his inner femininity" is crazy. the amount of people ignoring the gender stuff ALL TOGETHER to say its a movie "about dissociation" is crazy. hell on earth forever

This is probably the most depressing ask I've ever received. I literally cannot conceive of the idea of reading I Saw The TV Glow as anything other than exactly what it is... It's really, really obvious about what's happening, even if it doesn't say it in direct, precise words.

How can you watch that film and not realize what it's telling you?

The specific misinterpretation of the "I think I like TV Shows" scene as representative of the Aro/Ace/AroAce experience that I called out is... While it's a really myopic read that fails to take into account the broader context of the rest of the film, it's at least not a take that on its face denies every other part of the movie. I can at least understand it as simply being myopic and not outright idiotic - perhaps those under that genuine belief simply have no concept of the fact that unaddressed Gender Dysphoria can really ruin your relationship with your sexuality.

But to read the whole film as being about a Cis Man in any regard, or about Dissociation... I truly cannot help but feel that that's a malicious read - deliberately so, even. The outright refusal to acknowledge the existence and experience of Transfems + Transfemininity, especially when it's not cute or sexy or marketable, or said as loudly and explicitly as physically possible, is heinous.

Another thing that really hurts to see is the amount of people referring to the main character exclusively as her deadname, or exclusively with male pronouns... Stating that they're using them because she "never verbalized any alternatives". As if she wasn't called Isabel, and as if this whole movie isn't about her fighting for her fucking life with her Transfemininity, and how she's never been safe or comfortable enough to accept it. Of course she's never verbalized any alternatives, or said "I would prefer you use she/her pronouns on me, please," or "My name isn't ████! It's Isabel!", the fucking film is about how she's never been able to accept her own identity. It's about how she's suffocating to death in the suburbs, dying in a body that isn't hers, trapped in an identity that isn't hers, living her whole life miserable because that life isn't hers. It's about the misery of that feeling of being trapped, drowning in What Ifs, never being able to truly look at the sun directly out of fear. It's about how There Is Still Time, even if you think it's too late for you. No fucking shit she didn't verbalize her preferred name and pronouns. Fuck. What the fuck.

Let's all start killing people. Does that sound good to anyone else right now? We should start hitting people with cars and rocks and such.