#argh they make me ill!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

marzinstarz · 5 months ago

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TWINS IN TIME MY BELOVED

very much of the mindset that mullet stan would be fiercely protective of tiny ford, meanwhile old ford is too wrapped up in his own conflict and the portal to care for young stan [at first] they make me sad so thats why i didnt draw them :]

basically im telling you to go read @noodles-and-tea twins in time comic because THAT

#tiny ford makes me ill ARGH HES SO CUTE #no little guy dont grow up and form a misguided sense of resentment towards the twin /you/ estranged #twins in time au #gravity falls #twins in time #stanford pines #stanley pines #mullet stan #stan pines #pines twins #stan twins #gravity falls fanart

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480pfootage · 2 years ago

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clearpilled and mentally sane

hey there ;)

#creepypasta #ticci toby #toby erin rogers #slender proxy #shitpost #art #my art #crp #old fandom #creepypasta fanart #toby creepypasta #trying to get a diagnosis for a cluster b personality disorder but the traits overlap so much i dont know where to start ARGH #i know toby is bipolar in canon i just.. wanted some cluster b rep too lol #little rant but there's so little like accurate rep of people with mental illnesses in the crp fandom #like they headcanon some to have aspd then procede to say that people with aspd can't experience love or general nonsense like that #it is stupid #and it makes me mad #i am a hater but i am not targetting anyone this time it's just a general thing i see

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exclusively0ccupied · 3 months ago

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oh no angst version :( (ignore the bad quality)

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randomminty · 1 year ago

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You wont believe what song was looping in my head while i drew this

#hi. i love akatsuki #TUMLBR IS MAKING THIS LOOKK SO BLURRY FOR ME IT ISNT BLURRY… PLEAASE……..#art tag #ensemble stars #enstars #kuro kiryu #i didnt know if i should crop out the floor bc the end of the beams look kinda weird….. and lightings a litl distracting. argh #maybe ill crop it more wheni post to twt i dunno #tumblr gets the full thing tho #i dont have much to say tbh. i love kuro kiryu love that guy #i can kinda draw his hair also… falls to my knees cheering. v proud #drawing lance pokemon trained me for this #ok! thats all hehehe. nbyebye

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this-should-do · 4 months ago

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me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies

#iwillspeakincessantly #god it felt so nice to meet with her again #talking woth someone whos been so influential at my school and the whole state as far as transgender and queer policy making and has #so many connections amd experience and is also trans and historically a teacher bfor she retired #genuinely makes me feel so much better about my life and where im going #and less worried about if ill ever be able to live a peaceful life as a trans twacher when she personally knows #multiple other transmen tbats shes taught who are now teaching IN MY STATE #safely and happily #ough #we said wed meet more in the future and she encouraged me to join the cities pride group that she had founded and is the head of #and maybe tjis time ill actjally go #she even gifted me a book that she had had that she thinks would give me solace and comfort in my life #tbat was also written by a trans man sinxe she thinks im easily intelligent enough to get the humor and referwnces in #god she said i was well spoken and articulated even tho i feel so stupid and inarticulate sometimes #since i ramble a lot and lose my thoughts and i feel like my speaking vocabulary is so lowbrow and cheap often #no matter how many times other peope say i always sound so intelligent when i speak #ARGH #been super steessed about a lot of things in my life and if ill make it out alive but just this short hour and a half convo over a food #has made me feel so mich better and happier and hopeful #argh argh ougj i love finding out that people talk immense amount of positive things about me #god #i was rlaking about how often i struggle woth socializing amd making friends and she aas like really? ive been having a wondefful time #walkimg with you youre so intelligent and well spoken and its like thank you my issues ckme from group settings #and unclear un familiar subjects and ettiqutes of my fellow youths #but it made me feel so good about myself #im gonna implode :333333 positive

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m1lkt00th · 28 days ago

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one sided relationships. one sided friendships. name any i need to see them. thinking abt these a lot rn

#agg agggh they make me ill. and sad. imagine thinking for so long someone is your buddy hut theyre not. or you just want someone to leave #you alone. and argh. ough #maykes me sadd #one sided friendship crossdust would make me cry a little i think. ohhh ouuu :(#tooth thoughts

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julie-schwieters-supremacy · 7 months ago

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i lowk js left everyone on read and i fucked shit up with one person aka g and now hes mad but like its my fault this time cos i was so!!! rude !!!! and bitchy!!! for like no reason bahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahsdkAHJFADKSJGHSDJKH anyways yeah so now im playing online games like a loser cos i was like really mean to him and then i was like wanna call like an hour later n he was like nah im fucking good so theres that yayyyyyy im so happy !!!! like yay !!!!!!!!!!!! so proud of myself ykyk i love when people are mad at me and FGSKDCJHG people keep ignoring me haha !! but its fine !! im fine !! yesyesyeysyeyseyeyyseysye LMAO SKGJSFGHKJHYAYAYSASFKSFJGHFGJKBNSKJFGH im actually really fucking sad and i have swimming tomorrow so im gonna drown in the depths of the waters and i cant even sh KSFGJHSFJKGH YAY !!!!!!! i love fucking shit up why is my life so fucking complicated what the fuck !!! my friends dont even like me !! hahahhaha yayyyy i love when that happens like i know ima bad friend to some friends and some friends are bad friends to me but im still sad when they hangout without me and make it obvious !!! like whyd you choose her over me ahahahahaha LOL ANWAYS IM DOING GREAT ahahahaha.// why are u ignoring me SDKGJSGH i wasnt tryna be weird on purpose !!!!! i wasnt tryna be mean i swear.... like i why am i bad luck !!!!! other people are just so lucky with their friends and school and pets and family and they just dont get it !!! and then i make ONE small comment and mess up and they have a go at me/////like i was just tryna help !! i thought it was funny i knew you were joking....of course.... HAH WHY DO YOU HATE ME////////i was tryna explain stuff to you....why wont you get it!!! like just shut the fuck up and move on if you dont get it !!! dont be mad i swear i was just syaing im sorry i speak without thinking !! but its fine !! it is so fine i am doing great i aM ABOUT thiiiiiiissssssss LOCSE KEYHJGFKHGRUK CLOSE TO LOSING MY MIND WHAT THE SHIT BRO also why the fuck are vapes so expensive like i aint spending $60 that ion even have !!! on one vape i should just buy cigs at this point!?!?!?!? HAH who cares if my lungs turn grey and i die in 2 years i sure hope i do !!!!! yayyy fun

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macroglossus · 1 year ago

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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

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rin-rin-kururin · 1 month ago

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imagine naming an aromantic character a name that means love couldn't be ai hoshino-

#after listening to many different versions of IDOL by yaosobi I started to rate them by how true cover to keeping aro vibes ahaha...#if I feel brave i might do a very self-indulgent thing where i explain what i like in each cover in different languages #but if it keeps TRUE AI phrase in any form it instantly deals me critical damage #*wheezing* truly really “ai”...#fifty musings #dunno why im so talkative today just thought that this belongs in my blog as well #i usually don't know what to even talk about i have brain full of 50% brainrot and 50% mental illnesses #like a right brain and left brain it #(i don't even go into onk that much i'm just here for ai)#(she was so strong that they have to kill her off unfortunately)#(and maybe if she lived she would have figured out her aromanticism and aplatonicism and truly find peace!!!!)#(arGH JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME INSANE)#(and ace too but aromantic part is just so important to her character that it's the first thing that comes to mind)#(at least she found people that she truly cares about even if only before last moment of her life)#(*sigh*)

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vampmilf · 7 months ago

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walked into a church the other day and remembered a few church songs that i used to love singing and now my head is stuck on that specific cozy feeling again *sigh* gotta cope with writing some more of that lesbokris au i guess

#voice of a guy who didnt even believe in god and who left the church ten years ago but grew up deeply catholic so theres no escaping it ever #id say go listen to may the road rise to meet you but you would get it. YOU WOULDNT GET IT.#the german version has different melody and different verses and its nicer SORRY also i looked at like twenty different videos of choirs #singing it on youtube but none of them hit half as good as the version in my head and in my heart bc its end of summer camp and everyone #stands in a big circle holding hands to sing it and its last day before summer break at catholic school and everyone gathers in the aula to #sing and its a packed church on sunday and everyone is sanft falle regen auf deine felder und warm auf dein gesicht der sonnenschein #and everyones singing sei über 40 jahre im himmel bevor der teufel merkt du bist schon tot #and everyones singing bis wir uns mal wiedersehen hoffe ich dass gott dich nicht verlässt. er halte dich in seinen händen doch drücke seine #faust dich nicht zu fest. und bis wir uns wiedersehen halte gott dich fest in seiner hand YOU DONT GET IT YOULL NEVER GET IT ARGH.#its such a tender song its so sweet and loving and i dont even gaf abt god but its the sentiment its the feelings godddddd #i wish i was 12 again and standing in a field at 6am with morning dew on the grass and im tired and shivering in the fresh air and we just #need to pack up the tents and then its end of summer and ill sit on the bus home for ten hours and when i get home my mom makes my #favourite dinner bc she missed me so much #everyone look away im having therapy sessions on the dash again.#soph txts #txt #anyways nice choir version in the source. but still not hitting the spot.#i will deal with it by making lesbian bokris experience things. im fucking hopeless.

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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snapcracklepop-myjoints · 9 months ago

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“explode someones head by pointing out that access to substances can sometimes be a form of harm reduction” <- SO TRUE BESTIE. I hate that in some (particularly internet) spaces, “harm reduction” has come to mean “temporary and non-ideal stage between addiction and sobriety”. what if…,,.. we understood substance use complexly….. and we actually cared more about addict safety than abolishing substance use….. god.

LITERALLLY !!!!

Ive straight up had people tell me "oh, [harm reduction method/strategy] isnt really harm reduction though, is it?" because what they mean is that they dont see it as being a clear, measurable "forward step" on a path to recovery (by which they mean sobriety).

Like. its called HARM REDUCTION. Because the intent is to REDUCE HARM, both current and potential. if doing a harmful behaviour means avoiding a more harmful one than thats harm reduction...its reducing harm....

"“harm reduction” has come to mean “temporary and non-ideal stage between addiction and sobriety”" is such a good way of putting it

#also like #even outside the context of substance use purely within the context of addiction...#like when the potential harm being mitigated is not even due to substance use. people also get so fucking !!! argh !!! about it. like.#i get a really bad cough every year. inherited that from my mum lol. and most years it gets severe enough to be dangerous #and the only thing that will help is codeine syrup.#but ive had ppl be like 'nooo you shouldnt do that because its against recovery' and its like. even if sobriety were my immediate current..#...goal. the fact remains that if i have coedine syrup to give my body a few nights without coughing and making it worse. and so that i ...#...can sleep and my body can recover. I'll be able to get better pretty quickly (for my bodys standards ofc lol)#without it ?? ill take massive unsafe doses of nyquil and get no sleep for three days and then cough so hard i throw up all day. for weeks.#and all that will eventually send me into adrenal crisis. so now im at risk of death.#when if i just had a three day supply of coedine syrup id be fine.#but people are so obstinate abt this stuff theyd rather risk my potential death than my theoretical sobriety #like thats just one example.#anyway. sorry this is so long i just ahhhh !!! have so many thoughts #adc #addiction #ceci says stuff #griffin #ask

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diodellet · 1 year ago

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>>"lyney doesn't know flower symbolism"

LIES!!! LIES AND MISDIRECTION I SAY!!! TIS ALL SMOKE AND MIRRORS DARE I SAY!!

#im only at the beginning of his story quest #my instincts are Screaming at me #*im* also screaming along with my instincts #so far hcing that lyney and freminet are 2 flavors of Hopeless Romantic #while lynette an unbothered grayspec queen #i love em even if theyre not built all the way yet im usin em for my daily grind in fontaine aheh #but ARGH im lOSING MY MIND #dio u cant just keep taking one sentence as fuel fora 3k oneshot!! STOP!! U HAVE BURNOUT!!#but at the same time the plot jus manifests in my brain and i will never know peace until it is written #trying not to overindulge in research for this thing im writing #because with much research comes the beast that is impostor syndrome #also why im not reading any fics yet or else ill start comparing em with my own wip's writing #its my worst unhealthy writer habit #BUT whatever im gonna make progress and im gonna beat up d intrusive thoughts calling me a fraud #dellet-asides

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shokupanda · 1 year ago

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WOOHOOO THE STUPID ASS UNI STUFF IS OVER (FOR NOW)

i can finally open tumblr and draw and whatnot again aaaaaaaa orz

actually on second thought my first order of business is going snork mimimi. im so eepy. i havent opened twitter or tumblr in a while jsjsjdj ill do that after sleeping

#well technically speaking #i gotta clean up my art project stuff first since. my floor has been a mess ever since i started that dnndkdmd #and i gotta get groceries #and cook dinner #and ive got other uni stuff to think abt too #argh theres actually a lot to do huh #fuck it we ball though im gonna draw a wolfguy or something later #sho.scramblin #unrelated but i really wanted to make a krill oc. as in 🦐#for the express purpose of drawing them over the ''I CAN FINALLY KRILL MYSELF'' meme lmao dnbdmdnd #but thats a bit too much effort for me rn #maybe ill get around to it kdndkdk #how does an anthro krill look like anyways lmao #anywho! yeah. what was i goin off about again. hope youre havin a nice day whoever's reading this sleep deprived ramble ✌

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b-blushes · 2 years ago

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when will it sink in that really wanting to be able to do something does not necessarily equal being able to do it agonyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

#I want to live my life but I’m in bed ARGH!!!!! I want to be able to get myself to my appt not ask my parents to drive me pleaseeeeeeeeeee!#okay. next step have a snack. I laid down. always drinking water and having regular meals. guess if I’m doing all the regular stuff and #still being ill that’s just the being disabled huh!!!!!!!! trying really hard will not make that better buddy!!!!

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penisbutterjellytime · 1 year ago

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UGH gotta be professional and put my actual real life legal name on the internet so it's possible for studios and such to find my work and I can be hired

#might as well tell me to dox myself #have to work on making an artstation -_-...#anxiety filled elementary school me wanting to go into the entertainment arts did NOT know the horrors of social media #whoever said to make ur passion ur job was WRONG #so now i have to deal with this shit #argh the consequences of my own actions #can i not have a social media presence? at least one that cannot connect to my job?#just hire me and trust that I have the qualified skills #ill get over this after i go to bed tho tbh ... gn ... maybe ... i make no prommys

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