#arcane vi character study

[trashnotfound]

ARCANE WRITERS EXPLORE VIS MENTAL HEALTH AND TRAUMA CHALLENGE

If you really think about it Vi has never had the time to process her truama properly( I mean she’s literally been in fight or flight mode since she was like 7) and I’d love to see them explore that more in depths with how it would change her as a person but also how it would impact her actions. Would she be less guarded, not be a prone to fighting

We’ve seen how she handles mental breakdowns ( with alcohol and fighting, which kinda mimics her childhood surroundings. With her dad owning a bar and her constantly fighting) she automatically diverts her attention to the one thing she is 1 good at plus has known since she was very young. It’s almost like her comfort of sorts ( once again very BAD comfort she is not mentally OKAY)

But when you think about her and what she’s been through, it’s too much for a young mind to handle ( as we saw with jinx)

First she’s thrown into a prison, beat, tortured and isolated for god knows how long. By the time she’d process what has happened more would be on the horizon ( as we know she got beat almost daily) plus it probably lead to some stint in her development either mentally or physically ( which is a whole other can of worms to process)

then when she FINALLY gets out she learns her sister is a war criminal, her uncle has drugged the under city, she gets stabbed and beat up repeatedly, almost dies, gets kidnapped, mentally tortured and then witnesses her sister commit and act of terrorism

The only time in the show she could of mentally processed what she’s been through is the weeks after the attack on the council ( since she was staying with Cait * it’s assumed) but I doubt she would have since she was probably too busy making sure Cait was okay plus thinking about how to stop jinx. Or when’s she was a pitfighter but as we saw, she just drunk her issues away and when she felt that anger towards people she went and fought individuals who had no connect to that feeling, just to have an ounce of control over her mental state.

I’m getting the sense too that she was only taught how to protect others and not herself. She’s kinda self destructive ( in the nature of getting into usless fight, putting her self in danger and being impulsive) she doesn’t know what to do when mentally crashing, she doesn’t really know how to read her emotions properly and that leads to her impulsiveness because she thinks she’s feeling a specific way and thus acts upon that feeling. Not taking the time to process her emotion and figure out her thoughts!

I just think Vi is the most interesting character in arcane when you REALLY sit down and study her character. So much underling lore exists to her when you dig deep into her actions specifically and I’m so sad the writers didn’t focus on that this season. They could make her one of the MOST complex characters but just stick with “anger issues and she likes to fight” but they never explore WHY she does those things. I know a lot of it is *show and not tell* and as I said if you actually use your brain you can figure this out and use just general knowledge. their putting to much trust in the viewer to read between the lines. When most just wanna be told what’s going on and how characters feel or think.

I just really like Vi guys….

[frenchublog]

[srslylini]

The people praising Arcane seem to always only focus on specific stuff so I want to ask anyone to praise this:

1. Sevika's story, please go on. Praise it. Tell me how good she was after episode 4, I am waiting?

2. The firelights. Go ahead tell me how much we saw them and how the Tree came back and was tied into the story, tell me how they got screen time and how their story got told?

3. Ekko. Tell me how good it was to make him ignore his home after he went to Jayce to get it fixed. Tell me how great his character arc was after they got rid of everything else he liked.

4. Mel. I want you to praise how much screen time she had and how the black rose didn't come out of no where. I want you to tell me it didn't feel like they wrote her out of the story and I want you to look me in the eyes and praise how well they treated her in the last act. You know, with Jayce apparently only seeing her as a sex object. Women really won.

5. Praise the Robots.

6. Go ahead tell me how good it was to kill off all the suicidal characters.

7. I need to hear people praise the time loop/travel. It was so good and made so much sense and time travel isn't mostly a weird way to not resolve anything.

8. Talk nice about the side characters, please. Maddie, Loris, Isha, Steb, Lest. You know all of them were so necessary and weren't only there for one thing and then got killed or just never to be seen again. Praise how good their writing was, go on.

9. Go ahead and tell me how well they handled Vi's character. How they didn't just completely ignore her. Praise how they made her an alcoholic for 3 seconds and then she was just able to stop, isn't she an inspiration?

10. Go ahead, tell me how well they resolved anything that happened in the first 3 episodes. The Grey is just never mentioned again outside of it being used in the last war. Tell me how the people of Zaun just supporting Piltover is worthy of Praise.

11. Vi and Ekko never interacting was so good, wasn't it? So perfectly in character for Vi to rush right past him in the finale. That was perfect.

12. Praise it how good it was that Caitlyn just completely forgets her mother in the end, you know the reason the first 3 episodes happened. Praise it how her father is off hand mentioned in episode 8, never to be seen again. You know... the parents, her reason to go nuts like this. Damn that was good

13. Jinx getting to apologize in prison to Caitlyn. What a scene am I right?

go ahead, there is so much to praise, it must be tiring only focusing on one or two things

[vi-arcanes-left-biceps]

Spoilers for Arcane S2 Finale❗❗

So, i keep thinking about Arcane's last pieces of dialogue and though they sounded kinda funny when I watched the end at the first time (in a 'really? This took 27h to write?' way), the more I think about it, the more I like it.

I think it has a ton of layers to interpret and I'm still missing a few of them.

Please forgive my multiple tangents while I try to gather my thoughts.

First, how Caitlyn finds Vi: no bandages, a glass of alcohol in her hands.

No bandages means many things for Vi: she's vulnerable -both because of what she's going through and beacuse she can allow herself to be vulnerable for the first time in the show, with Caitlyn-, and her fight is over, she doesn't have to fight anymore (Re: Ep7 Powder saying Vi fights because she's scared of losing everyone, and she has lost everyone). (Everyone but Ekko and Caitlyn, who have repeatedly proven they can fend for themselves and are leaders on their own right, I'd love to say Vi is in a point where she's able not to feel responsible for them too, though this is something I'm not so sure about). Bandages were also an important part of her character design, of herself, so this gives a sensation that she's lost a part of her identity too. Who is she, if not the big sister, the protector, the brawler?

Alcohol is another small details that just says she's not okay. We've seen her drink herself senseless for, presumably, months, in Act II, to cope with all that happened in S1 and particularly S2 Act I: accepting the loss of her sister after the attack on the council, becoming an enforcer even though she was completely against it because she still feels responsible for ending Jinx, recognising her sister again for just a glimpse and gaining faith that Powder is still there (with the realisation that she almost killed her sister -not the monster she convinced herself jinx was, her sister) falling in love with Cait and seeing her become a completely different person out of grief.... So after everything that just happened in Act III, where she saw that many people die, either strangers or friends, and where she lost her sister and father AGAIN, of course she's considering getting back to drinking. So much happened to her in the span of few months that she's considering drowning the pain away again.

Caitlyn's question: "Are you still in this fight, Violet?"

The line delivery is incredibly soft and intimate, and Cait calling her Violet is the cherry on top. She's knows Vi is not okay. She's knows she's going through a lot right now.

Caitlyn's question seeing this is really, at least, three questions:

First and clearest is a check-in: "How are you?" "Will you be okay?" "Do you want to talk about this?"

Second is "Are you staying?" Vi could leave to be alone as she did at the beginning of Act II, could go with Ekko to Zaun... I can also see an "Are you staying with me?" After everything that happens, after the little time that they've had to be together and to solve the many things between them, her asking "Are you still in this fight" can mean both "hey, are you holding up" and "Are we still together in this?"

Third would be "So, are you up to face this, solving things between Piltover and Zaun?". I know some people have criticized the lack of resolution in the Zaun/Piltover conflict. I'd argue, as much as I'd love for the class conflict to be expanded, it is not the core of the series, and both the writers and the characters know that a conflict like this cannot be solved in such little time. The series was not going to solve it. What it does is solve it's main plot and character arcs, and leave a space for this theme to have the start of a resolution. Piltover an Zaun joined against Ambessa's army, and the ending gives us a glimpse of the will to change the relationship between topside and bottom (e.g. having Zaunites in the council). It's not a perfect ending nor it is a resolution for Zaun's class struggle -I'm pretty sure that was never the intent, though I would have liked for both cities' relationship to be more comented upon in this season-, it's the opportunity to advance towards a resolution. So Cait is asking Vi if she is willing to deal with that too. "Are you still in this fight?" can also have an implication to mean fighting to make things better. This also means fighting for them to be together.

Then, Vi's answer: "I am the dirt underneath your fingernails, Cupcake. Nothing's gonna clean me out".

Now, I like this because it sums up to Vi saying "I'm not going anywhere" but the line itself and the delivery gives it a few more layers of meaning.

First of all, Vi is clearly not okay. She's very emotionaly scarred and considering an unhealthy coping mechanism. She looks incredibly sad. And she's deflecting with humour to the question because she's probably not ready to talk about it. So her delivery here, plus the strange joke/comparison and calling Caitlyn "Cupcake" (which she's only done when she's teasing her in a flirty or funny way or deflecting the conversation by doing so) is telling Caitlyn that she's not okay right now, but that she isn't going to leave. "

I interpret "Nothing's gonna clean me out" as her basically saying "I'm tough, I'll get through this" to Caitlyn's "How are you?" and saying "You're not getting rid of me" to Caitlyn's "Are you going to stay?"

Furthermore, calling herself "The dirt underneath your fingernails" has an obvious implication about her being a Zaunite and Caitlyn being from Pilotover. I've seen some people saying this is insulting to Vi's character and to Zaun's storyline.... I don't think so at all. Yeah, I can get to see a layer of self-depreciating humor, but for me this is Vi using her humour as well to reinforce herself and her identity as a Zaunite (which arguably she left aside/lost sight of during Act I) while also teasing Caitlyn for being a topsider. I like to interpret this as Vi saying "Yeah, Piltie, I'm sticking with you and I will keep bothering you". The tone and calling Cait "Cupcake" reinforces this as a tease as well. Reinstating her identity as a Zaunite also gives insight on Vi's position on the Zaun-Piltover new relationship: yes, she's willing to help out manage this, always from the position of a kid from the Lanes.

Zaun and Piltover are also stuck together after the ending - they've fought together against a common enemy and that has also forced Piltover's elite to sit and listen to Zaun's demands. For sure Piltover's aristocracy still has to get their heads out of their asses but this is how I like to read the phrase in regards to Zaun-Piltover, layered upon what Vi is saying: I am the dirt underneath you = I (Zaun's state and problems) am a consequence of your (Piltover's) actions and I am not going anywhere. (You will have to listen).

Anyways, lots of rambling and I'll still be missing stuff!

Another thing is, native spanish speakers as I am use the phrase "Nail and flesh" to say that two people are inseparable, and this has enough similarity to that for it to feel like Vi is also saying they are inseparable. So yeah

[biggest-vi-defender]

not enough ppl talk abt vi and the visceral experience of having ur childhood and teenhood completely snatched away from you, and now you’re an adult who just has to live & deal w that fact.

[pretzel-bitz]

Arcane style is mine now

(I recommend doing style studies for this show SO hard it's saved me)

[sevikas-biceps]

Caitlyn looked at Maddie and saw an awash version of Vi, the same way Jinx once looked at Caitlyn and saw a shinier version of herself.

Red fades to orange. Powder blue to indigo.

Replacements. That's all they are.

[godlygivenanxiety]

look, not to be a hater but the whole ekko/jinx alternate universe situation only proves that jinx was only ever loved entirely and completely by silco, that's kinda the point of how tragic jinx really is as a character,

vi either only sees her little sister out of guilt/sense of duty mixed with a desperate need to come back to something or as consequences to her own actions(taking away agency from jinx in the process);

ekko sees her through the eyes of an idealist which is exactly what he is and that's not bad by itself, but it makes her either A Problem or Someone That Needs Saving, that's what's going on in his head after that AU he transported to. he's comparing jinx to powder and he likes powder much better, so he wants jinx to be powder or to reignite the powder in her - basically, he thinks how vi used to think;

isha is a complicated matter because she did show kindness and affection towards jinx that wasn't equal to anyone else's, it was pure and idolizing, she loved what she knew of jinx.

the people of zaun don't love her, not by a long shot. she became a symbol to some(as we can notice in the reunion by vander's statue) and overall the assumption that she would get involved more after her attack and silco's death is a fair one; that doesn't mean they like her,

sevika maintains a connection to jinx through grief and a sense of helplessness along with familiarity, silco's death affected jinx's psyche but it also affected sevika's dream of zaun, they feel left behind by him;

vander... well, he only got to see powder and warwick quite literally just had the memories,

the ONLY character we see that meets her as powder and stays with her as jinx is silco; yes, he isn't a good guy and he does cause the whole separation, he sharpened her edges to make her into a weapon, he lied to her and manipulated her at times, none of these things exclude the fact he does love her so strongly, with zero conditions.

she fucks up in missions, she does as she pleases around zaun, she kills their people, she stabs him in the eye, has psychotic episodes and breakdowns, she kidnaps him, ties him down, SHOOTS HIM, she doubts him and his love, keeps running after the past when he's done everything to strengthen her and she was, at a point, the only thing keeping him from his dream of an independent zaun - none of these perceived sins and flaws made him wish for anyone other than her, as she is.

all silco wanted was to keep her, while everyone else either wants another version of her or none at all. that's the tragic part, even if she suddenly decided to be good, she would feel like a burden for not being entirely like people want her to be.

[the-dragon-hearted]

Love in Arcane

There are a lot of themes in Arcane but an overarching theme is the dangers of love. Often times, love is put on a pedestal and mistaken as sacred. Love is always good, always "pure".

Arcane actively pushes against that.

I think a lot of the discourse surrounding some of the relationships wouldn't be as big if we recognized that love is just... not always a good thing. Silco and Jinx, Powder and Vi, Mel and Ambessa, they all display that - let me explain.

Silco and Jinx: Probably the most obvious example of this

Silco loves Jinx. This earnestly cannot be argued, he was willing to throw away his dream of an independent Zaun because he could not handle the idea of betraying her. Not losing her - betraying her. Hurting her. He was willing to give himself up, telling Jayce everything she did was what he ordered. It is not a possessive twisted love where he wants her near - he has spent her entire life promising that he won't betray her and he meant it.

BUT!

That does not mean Silco is a good father. He loves her - absolutely. But love is not always good. Everything Silco passed on to Jinx was an example of how he saw the world. Silco was a paranoid, hurt man and as such he made his daughter a paranoid, hurt woman. Love forms us, it teaches us and builds us. Silco loved Jinx but he hated Piltover. He was willing to use violence and use people to get to his goal and he taught Jinx that those methods were acceptable. And he loves Jinx, so she learned.

And after he dies, part of her healing is unlearning those lessons. It's no mistake the ghost of Silco she sees in that cell is a somber one - warning her about the cycle of violence she knows all too well. It's no mistake that Silco's solution was one he never managed to do.

A parent can love you, but that does not change who they are. It does not change what they teach you. Especially if they think they're right.

Powder and Vi: this one hits a lil personally for me

Violet is a parentified older sister, she doesn't just feel responsible for Powder - it's her purpose. It's more than a role to fill or a job to do, if something happens to Powder it is Violet's fault.

And Powder? Vi was everything to her. She looked to Vi for praise, for guidance. Everything she was supposed to seek out in a parent she had to look for in a fellow child. And when Violet leaves her (not really but that's how she understands it), she is ripped away from the only source of dependency she has. So there's a level of resentment there and a fear of further abandonment. Because if the most reliable person in her life can leave her, who won't?

When they reunite, Vi is trying to fulfill a role Jinx no longer needs. Jinx is independent. A lot of people try to say that Vi made Jinx or Silco made Jinx but remember that at the end of the day, Jinx is Jinx. She is a person who makes her own choices and has to find her own path. Violet can't recognize that until it's too late - and then, because she's known her whole life that it is her purpose to take responsibility for Powder, she betrays everything she ever stood for, puts on an enforcer badge, and takes to the streets to try to atone for her failure.

Vi sees Jinx as her failure.

And Jinx? When Vi comes back she tries to find that dependency she once knew. She tries to figure out if she can still depend on that sister who once meant the entire world to her. But she can't. She never should have. And learning that the person you idolize most sees you as either a child or a threat is gutting. Jinx is not a child, so she must be a threat. Because Vi can't love Jinx, she loves Powder. And Jinx can't be Powder anymore, and if that's the case then Violet can't love her.

They both do love each other. They love the memories of the other. Who they once were. When they start to learn about one another again and rekindle that siblinghood it becomes healthier - it's more meaningful and respectful but before then? No matter how hard Violet tried, even if Jinx had chosen to be Powder again, their love would not have been healthy. Violet needed to learn that Jinx was her own person. And that she was not responsible for her, not anymore. Jinx needed to find herself and recognize Vi's failures. Recognize Violet as a person too.

Because siblings change. They grow. Apart and then back together, usually. Siblings love each other but you have to love more than the person someone used to be. Otherwise, you're just pouring your grief on the person they've become.

Ambessa and Mel:

Perfectionist mother meets over-achiever, independent daughter. This is the clearest cut of all the relationships, in my opinion. We know Mel resents that her mother sent her away because she wanted to stay. She wanted to make her mother proud and if she couldn't make her proud she'd damn well spite her. And Ambessa? She loves Mel. She makes that very clear.

But sometimes, love is not something to desire. Sometimes love is synonymous with prison.

Ambessa's love meant she wanted her children to be survivors. Fighters. Winners. She wanted her children to be her.

Mel? Mel figured out quickly enough she didn't want to be her mother, she wanted to be herself. She feared what her mother could do but recognized the tactics and skills she honed were granted to her from the cradle.

That last word: "You have become the wolf."

The nail in the coffin. All the love, all the adoration in that tone, and yet Ambessa's love condemns Mel to a life she never wanted. Because now Mel is her mother's daughter. She is the wolf her mother raised. The heir. Mel loses everything she built and fought for as her Mother dies in her arms, by her hands.

Love. Succession. They can coexist with hate and damnation.

You can love someone and hurt them. Being loved can be hurtful. Love does not mean healthy. It does not mean good. Because love doesn't really have a tangible definition. You can love someone with everything in your body and still be bad for them. Someone can love you with all they have and yet haunt you long after their gone. I think we've placed love on this untouchable pedestal that we dare not touch or critique.

Because: "If it's bad for you it can't be love. No - people who love you don't hurt you. Love is only good. Love is good!"

It's important to know that being loved does not equal being happy, fulfilled, or safe. Better love exists. Healthy, meaningful, caring love exists. But even that will not always be perfect.

Love hurts. Love can be the most hurtful thing out there. Adoring someone rides a find line with glorifying them - love doesn't do that. Love knows your faults. It comes with faults. And adding the right combination of faults can make love a twisted sort of thing. Toxic is a word that's thrown around a lot and often separated from love.

Love can be toxic. It doesn't always become some separate entity, it just manifests sickeningly. Arcane shows us that.

It also shows us love can be good. It can forgive and accept. It can cradle and hold and save. It can last through dimensions and centuries, even through death. Love, like anything else, has many forms. Good and bad.

Doesn't Singed do atrocious things in the name of Love?

Doesn't Ekko recognize that even if he loves Powder, it's not his world. It's not his happiness to have. Doesn't leaving that love take strength?

Don't Viktor and Jayce find love in faults? In each other's shortcomings, not despite them but because of them?

Arcane encourages us to recognize Love's complexities and contradictions. And I think that's neat.

[professionalagentofchaos]

Okay but like, am I the only one who's unsatisfied with Arcane's ending?

Just specifically regarding Jinx. Should go without saying but spoilers under the break.

BTW I will be critizing the ending, and I need to reiterate that this is my personal interpretation of it, I don't have the energy to handle hate with maturity so I you want to give just know I won't give your comment the time of day. The lucky haters will receive a middle finger emoji. Let me have opinions.

So when watching it, watching Jinx die didn't really resonate with me. At first I blamed it on me not fully understanding the vast complex of conflict going on, but then I got thinking.

I googled it, and soapcentral.com said "This act is a callback to her earlier struggles with self-destruction, but this time, it’s for a purpose. Her death symbolizes her ultimate redemption and the resolution of her internal conflict." That answer didn't exactly sit right with me. Let me break down my thoughts here.

"This act is a callback to her earlier struggles with self-destruction, but this time, it’s for a purpose." This I agree with. I see the relevance here. I actually like this, it's just the way it was handled. The way the scene was framed didn't put a whole lot of emphasis on the environment, and I actually missed the danger of them being on a unstable platform until another shot of it shaking loose a bit too long into the scene. Like I get that the emphasis needed to be on Jinx and her sacrifice, but I don't think the eminent danger, or the necessity of her sacrifice was conveyed all that strongly.

"Her death symbolizes her ultimate redemption" Here's my biggest problem. Two of the biggest things she needed redemption for was to Vi and to Piltover. With Vi, it makes sense, as she eliminated the weight that would inevitably pull Vi down with it. However, as I mentioned earlier, that fact wasn't well conveyed. At first I assumed it was saving Vi from Warwick, which also didn't sit right. Even at the very end, Vi was still trying and waiting for Warwick to retain some lucidity of her, some proof that her father was still in there. I won't get into the nitty gritty of the stages of grief with Vi and Warwick, but to my conclusion and understanding, since Vi hadn't seen him since the whole thing went down in Viktor's city, she's still in the early stages of grief. Killing Warwick while she's still trying to see him as Vander would hardly make Jinx look better. In the same episode, Jinx says "I'm always with you, even if we're worlds apart." That line stuck with me. Not only was it a show of her mended relationship with Vi, with was the first outright and explicit declaration of loyalty to her that we've seen since she became Jinx. So redemption with Vi? Redundant. Redemption with Piltover and the law? For the most part, none of Piltover even knows either Warwick or Vi exists. She can't be seen as a public hero for saving someone the public doesn't know deserves to live or killing a beast they don't know to fear.

"and the resolution of her internal conflict." Not touching that one. Okay maybe I will, but just a bit. So, Jinx is more than a little messed up in the head. Yeah, she's suicidal but it only got to that point when she lost Isha. Also, she seemed to realize and come to terms with the fact that Vander is gone, which makes deciding to kill him an easier decision which doesn't hit as hard than if she believed Vander could still be in there.

If I were to tweak it, I would have her be the one to try harder to believe Vander is still there. I mean, she's the one who's had people out for her, so it makes sense if she's desperate to keep someone she trusts, and realizing that she'd have to choose between not killing anyone and risking it all or choosing her sister, only to end up choosing her sister, while I think would be a little redundant, but a nice rounding off to her development with the proof that she's always on Vi's side by paying the ultimate price.

This entire critique was based on one review which I strongly doubt was made by a professional critique, but it was good to go off of, and the majority of my thoughts were able to be fleshed out through it.

TL;DR Her ending was good as an end to her character, maybe an epilogue to her character arc, minding the callback to her previous struggles, but in terms of finishing the arc itself, it's lackluster and really serves more purpose of trying to tug a tear or two rather than complete her story.

Really though, I loved Arcane, from the story to the art to the character design to the representation to the complex and realistic social dilemmas, you can tell the creators gave every shit they possibly could into this show. It's just that this moment wasn't as high of quality as the rest of the show, which is why I felt the need to point it out.

[flipomatic]

A New Normal

Word Count: 2100

Summary: So Caitlyn took that moment, the one Vi so generously offered to her, to write another line on her paper before gently placing her left hand over Vi’s. A second later their fingers intertwined, fitting together exactly as they should be. Soon after Caitlyn could feel Vi’s head rest against her shoulder, nestling in place as she continued to work. For a few minutes, only the scratch of her pen broke the silence.

Vi being here like this, even late at night when she was crazy enough to get out of bed and work, was a change, a new normal that Caitlyn longed to continue.

Author Note: Spoilers for the end of Arcane. I have a lot of thoughts about the series, so I wanted to reflect on it just a bit. Kind of a character study of Caitlyn, but not deep enough to really be a proper character study.

___________________________________________________________

In theory, what was an itch? A temporary annoyance or distraction, something that could be remedied with a quick scratch. It was an urge that could easily be fixed.

But what if it couldn’t be, if the itch, like so much else, was beyond Caitlyn’s reach. Trapped behind the eye patch it lingered and waited for the worst moments to pounce.

Caitlyn opened her remaining eye slowly, blurrily looking up at the dark ceiling. Opening only one eye was still a strange feeling no matter how many times she did it. It also did nothing to relieve the burning itch beneath the surface of the other side, the desperate screaming of her skin as it slowly healed.

The doctor had told her, in no uncertain terms, that any dirt or contact with the injury could lead to an infection and even death. No matter how badly it seared at its peak—which it bloody did now—that feeling would pass. The only thing Caitlyn could do was wait.

Of course it picked the middle of the night to act up. Caitlyn turned her head to the side, towards the other occupant of her bed. Vi’s shoulders were barely visible against the dim streetlamp light from the window and even the vibrancy of her tousled hair was faded in the darkness. With each breath she took her form moved ever so slightly, rising and falling in the same repetitive motion. Caitlyn still marveled that they were both alive.

She would never forget Vi finding her in the medical tent after the battle, collapsing in her arms and sobbing for Jinx. When Vi calmed down enough to explain what happened, how Jinx had sacrificed herself to save her one last time, the weight of that action sent a chill down Caitlyn’s spine. The last time she’d talked to Jinx was at the jail cell, where Jinx asked Caitlyn to kill her. Now she was dead. News that would’ve once been a sign of victory was now the opposite. Caitlyn pulled Vi even closer, the tears from her right eye dripping onto Vi’s shoulder.

Later as she turned over a small monkey grenade head in her hand and looked through the Hextower blueprints, she’d had to reassess those feelings. The idea that Jinx could have escaped through the air ducts, a system she knew nearly as well as Caitlyn did, was a distinct possibility.

As she wondered where the ever-elusive Jinx could have gone, the itching behind her eyepatch finally began to subside. It eased from a raging torrent to a slightly more manageable thrum, still present but much more tolerable.

Caitlyn shifted her body and closed her eye once more, willing sleep to return to her. She breathed deeply, slowly, trying to push those thoughts from her mind.

They were replaced instead by other events of that day. The fighting at the gates stuck with her too, and not just because she lost her eye in the conflict. Teaming up with Mel to fight Ambessa, using her magic to finally overpower the woman who had always been and indomitable obstacle in her path. Caitlyn took all of her regrets over her past actions into the battle, wielded them with her spear. The sacrifice to take Ambessa down had been worth it.

As for others at the gate, the many who had died in the fight, Caitlyn preferred not to think about them. Despite that desire they continued to haunt her.

Opening her eye with a sigh and a grimace, she gave up on the battle with sleep. She slipped silently from the bed with practiced ease, feet moving gingerly against the cold floor. Vi didn’t so much as stir at the disturbance.

Caitlyn left her there to sleep, taking measured steps out of the bedroom and down the main stairs. She had walked this path thousands of times before, but seeing it with only one eye like this, her perspective skewed, made them feel foreign to her. That feeling stayed with her until she reached the library, where she lit a candle on the low table. Its glow illuminated the mountain of papers waiting for her.

If she couldn’t sleep, she might as well work.

The first pile of papers belonged to enforcer applicants, citizens who wanted to sign up after the battle. Caitlyn had started a new recruitment drive almost immediately, trying to fill the gaps left by the battle. Of course, none of those spaces could be completely filled. Each person left their own unique shaped hole behind.

But the patrol shifts still needed to be run, and for that applicants needed to be vetted. There was nobody left to do it besides Caitlyn.

She held the papers up one by one near the candle, reading through each person’s qualifications and combat experience. Most were from the topside, with only a few from the undercity. Even though that was expected, it was still disappointing to see. Things were changing slowly.

Of all the applications, there was also notably no application from Vi. Caitlyn had wondered if she would rejoin the enforcers but hadn’t pressured her or even asked her about it. It seemed she had her answer.

One by one Caitlyn sorted them into piles to review again the next day. Some would make fine enforcers while others, well, needed a bit more experience before signing up. Integrity was part of this process too, but it couldn’t be determined just from a piece of paper. No, the next phase would be in-person interviews. When would she have time to schedule those? Not this week unless she cancelled something else. The very thought made Caitlyn’s wounded eye twinge.

Once they were sorted, she set the applications aside. Beneath them the next task waited for her. Her fingers brushed over the edge of the top paper; for a moment she indulged the thought that maybe it would be better to work on something else.

That notion quickly passed, replaced by a steeling of her jaw. This was part of her job too, part of her responsibilities and irreparable failures.

The top page contained a list of names, those assigned to patrols before the attack. With a steady hand and a frown, Caitlyn started crossing names off the list. She crossed off Loris, who had helped nurse Vi back to health after trying to save Vander. Her pen continued to move, removing so many who had fallen, all of whom she had known.

When she reached Maddie’s name she paused. The tip of her pen tapped against the paper, once, then twice, before striking her name through as well.

There were so many questions she wanted to ask Maddie, words she had not been able to form in the last few moments of Maddie’s life. When did she betray her? Had she always been on Ambessa’s side? Caitlyn hadn’t exactly returned her feelings, but had those feelings even been real? It was pointless to wonder. To ask these questions of the dead would only result in cold silence.

Caitlyn continued her work.

At the end of the page she flipped to the next, to the actual schedule for patrol. Until they hired new enforcers, the hours would need to be severely cut in order to maintain the patrol routes.

It was during this process that Caitlyn heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching down the main staircase. They were accompanied by an adorable little yawn, one clearly stifled behind a hand.

Vi announced her entrance in her typical cheesy way. “It’s too early for breakfast, but I’m always hungry for cupcakes.” She sounded a little hoarse, as if she had just woken up.

“Very funny.” Caitlyn replied dryly, not even shifting her attention away from the paper. “I’m sorry for waking you.” She wrote a new time for one of the shifts, shortening it to try and make it fit with the new schedule.

“You didn’t.”

To her left, Caitlyn could hear the sound of the other chair being dragged along the ground. It would’ve been in her peripheral vision, if she had any remaining to speak of. Instead, she turned her head to watch as Vi moved the chair next to hers. The other woman collapsed heavily into the chair, likely still quite tired from not getting a full night of sleep. The light of the candle danced entrancingly across her face.

“What are you working on?” Vi asked, reminding Caitlyn that she was in fact supposed to be working and not staring.

She gestured towards the paper. “Just redoing some patrol shifts, we have to make do with a shortage for a while.”

“Ahh, right.” Vi rested her right hand on the arm of her chair as she leaned over to squint at the paper. She only got close enough to read it before pulling back, but her hand remained practically dangling over the edge. It was an invitation.

This wasn’t the first time Vi had invited Caitlyn like this, far from it in fact. In times of passion she often acted decisively, and she could flirt with the best of them, but in quiet moments like these things were different. At first Caitlyn thought it was hesitation, but she realized over time that wasn’t it. Rather, Vi patiently waited for her to be ready.

So Caitlyn took that moment, the one Vi so generously offered to her, to write another line on her paper before gently placing her left hand over Vi’s. A second later their fingers intertwined, fitting together exactly as they should be. Soon after Caitlyn could feel Vi’s head rest against her shoulder, nestling in place as she continued to work. For a few minutes, only the scratch of her pen broke the silence.

Vi being here like this, even late at night when she was crazy enough to get out of bed and work, was a change, a new normal that Caitlyn longed to continue.

“Oh, have you heard from the construction team?” Vi asked, as if she had just remembered something.

Caitlyn paused to think for a moment. “They’re still picking leadership for it, from what I last heard.” The council was putting together a crew to work on rebuilding from the battle, both in Piltover and the undercity.

“Then I still have a chance.” Vi’s hand shifted in Caitlyn’s. “I want to help out, to rebuild things rather than punch holes in them.” The words were practically whispered against Caitlyn’s collarbone, like a prayer for only her to hear.

Wanting to rebuild, Caitlyn understood that desire completely. This patrol schedule too, this was part of rebuilding. Was it really going to work with these changes? Shouldn’t she build it differently than before? The realization struck her that what she was doing now, it wasn’t going to work. She was falling into the same habits, the same patterns as before, but things had changed.

Vi was the one who showed her that. The schedule could wait just one more day for her to come up with a better plan. Caitlyn set the paper and pen down on the stack, turning her gaze to Vi.

“There’s no way they’d turn you away.”

Vi chuckled lowly in response. “We can only hope so.” She lifted her head to meet Caitlyn’s eye, with an unmistakable glimmer in her own. “I am one of the strongest people around you know.”

“Oh yes I am quite aware.” Caitlyn smiled softly, lifting one hand to slowly caress Vi’s cheek. She leaned in with the gesture, brushing their foreheads together. So many words lingered behind her lips, more thanks than she would ever be able to say, pleas to stay together forever, and three simple words of love that pressed desperately against her teeth.

Though those words clamored for release, it was too soon, too fresh. Just as Vi waited for her, Caitlyn waited patiently for Vi too.

In silence, Caitlyn closed the remaining distance between their lips. The kiss was short and sweet, intimate and yet just barely enough.

“Are you ready to go back to bed?” Caitlyn whispered as she pulled back.

“Are you?”

Caitlyn nodded and stood, pulling Vi with her to her feet. They blew out the candle and retreated together up the familiar steps, seen from this new and unfamiliar angle.

As Caitlyn settled back in bed with Vi, her injured eye still itched. Her brain still ran amok with thoughts of before and the battle and especially how to adapt to all of the changes ahead.

Caitlyn watched as Vi’s breathing evened out, her own eye sliding shut as she drifted towards slumber. Whatever the world threw at her, she knew she would face it with Vi at her side.

[suprememuffin06]

should i post my caitvi canon-compliant character study fanfic on ao3???

i've written about 4k words so far, so far from any semblance of completion. this is my first fic and i'm soooo nervous to post it on ao3 because i'm scared it's just horrible lol. i'm trying to cover all the missing caitvi scenes for all the acts in s2, and im on act 1 so far. i'll post the draft here, and if anyone has any feedback, it would be extremely appreciated!

------

Vi couldn't look Cait in the eye, not properly. Not after all that happened. She was just comfortable enough staring at the girl’s royal blue hair and uniform, closely examining each subtle shake of a shoulder and each nearly imperceptible frown. Vi watched as the cracks in Caitlyn’s facade started to widen, the composed face she put up for the citizens of Piltover starting to slowly weaken.

Even from all the way below the balcony, in the waves of people gathered to memorialize Cassandra Kiraminn, Vi saw Caitlyn. Everyone else was looking at the daintily crafted blue and gold casket, to their councilwoman.

Vi heard the shifty murmurs of panic and uncertainty. A terrorist attack from the undercity. Half the counsel dead. Vi could feel the bile rising in her throat, tasting something like guilt mixed with the name Powder. And though her attention to Caitlyn never faltered, she couldn’t stop seeing flashes of Jinx’s gag in Cait’s mouth; she flinched as a cold crept up her spine.

Vi was surely going to throw up, and this time it didn’t feel like it would be as freeing as heaving after a gut punch from an inmate at Stillwater or wiping her mouth after one too many drinks from prison-made alcohol. Yet, there she stood. Her arms hung at her sides, the old wraps crusted with blood. She shoved her hands deep into her pockets, trying to hide the mess of her knuckles. The tattoo on her face gleamed in the sunlight like a proclamation saying “I don’t belong here” to the sophisticated individuals around her. She noticed the mothers pulling their children to their sides when seeing Vi, and the men that towered over her shot her murderous glares with fists clenched at their sides. I don’t belong here.

She didn’t care, not as long as she could look at her Caitlyn. Her Caitlyn. Her Powder. Her throat tightened, memories of blue flashing across her mind like lightning splitting the dark. It zipped around, knocking over and crashing into every crevice of her brain, leaving a trail of destruction in its path. Powder laughed with joy, and Vi could only watch as the short, choppy hair of her sisters grew into long, vine-like braids. In spite of herself, she winced at the thought.

The glitter bombs Powder held stopped exploding, in exchange for the sound of gunfire reverberating in her skull. Jinx aimed her machine gun through Vi’s eyes, directly at the indigo of the Kirraman girl standing above her. The worst gift Vi could give Caitlyn, delivering all the anger that her sister represented directly to her. And although she hated it now, Jinx would forever be a name buzzing right beneath her bones. No matter how much of herself she could give to Caitlyn, there was always an underlying paranoia that her mere presence was a vessel, bringing Jinx right at Caitlyn’s doorstep.

Vi wanted to feel it. You did this. No one else noticed the small tear that slipped down Caitlyn’s highest cheekbone except for her. YOU did this. Vi furrowed her eyebrows and locked onto that tear, watching it slide down the column of Cait’s neck. She saw the betrayal on her sister’s face when she saw her for the first time in seven years, with an enforcer. An enforcer, for fuck’s sake. And she saw the way Caitlyn listened to her when she told her not to shoot Jinx. And now her mother is in a box.

Somehow, Vi managed to gain and lose two of the most valuable relationships she ever held in the matter of a few weeks. You are a fire. Keeping people just warm enough if they stay at arm’s length. Once they draw near, they get burned. They get hurt, and yet you ask them to come closer still.

-

When Caitlyn’s eyes started to gain some focus again, her pupils pinpointed in the sunlight while scanning the masses, Vi vanished. She waded through the crowd and could feel Cait’s gaze find her back, watching her leave. She could only allow herself to indulge in the pain of looking at Caitlyn indirectly, but she would never allow her to know the pain of looking VI in the eyes again.

Vi would kill herself twenty times over before allowing Caitlyn to trust her, her judgement. Look what happened the last time she allowed that. Vi only brought ruin. A false security. She would not allow herself to be the cause of such anguish again. She needed to leave.

-

Caitlyn’s fingernails left crescent-moon shaped indents in her palm, and her enforcer uniform felt heavy on her shoulders as she watched everyone who came to her mother’s funeral. Really, she was looking at just one. The last thread of color in her life was slipping away, without so much as a goodbye.

Vi would have to be a fool to presume that Caitlyn wouldn’t find her in the sea of people, drawn to the side-swept mess of pink hair and bright red jacket. It took her every ounce of control that she had remaining to not clear the landing and sprint to the girl.

Caitlyn imagined herself crashing into Vi’s arms, and feeling the strength of the Zaunite’s biceps pressing against her cheek. Don’t go. You’re all I have left anymore. She could practically feel Vi’s breath rustle the strands of her navy hair, accompanied by the soft whisper of “I’ve got you, Cupcake” into her ear.

Tears started to well in her eyes and Caitlyn willed them to remain in place. She forced her back straighter as she watched the girl that she spent every day with for the last few weeks, walk away from her. Far enough away that Vi was just a pink dot in the distance, against the muted hue of the Piltover cityline. Caitlyn exhaled hard in favor of allowing herself to feel anything more, and steeled herself for the ending of the funeral.

The casket was closed, shrouded with a metric ton of violets, plucked delicately petal-for-petal. The hard contours of the box reminded Caitlyn of the sharp line of her mother’s jaw and the strong nose that she herself inherited.

The pall-bearers slowly lifted her mother’s coffin, and began their descent towards the cemetery just outside of Piltover city limits, where all of the most influential people were buried. Involuntarily, her feet began to shuffle forward, trying to catch one last glimpse of her mom, before one of the enforcers standing beside her shifted closer and in front of her. She didn’t know him well, but knew he was higher-ranking. Under any other circumstance she would have obeyed hierarchy and stopped herself. But today was not the day to test her, not when she was one more inconvenience from breaking down and raining hellfire on anyone who tried to tell her to “stay strong.” The officer shriveled under Caitlyn’s glare, one that could only be embodied by a councilwoman’s daughter.

She marched right beside the casket, her eyes level to the head of it, where her mother’s face would be if the box were open. This form of emotional expression, Caitlyn knew, was frowned upon by her people, but she couldn’t give two shits. Nothing was ever going to stop her from reaching those she loved again.

Caitlyn walked dutifully before reaching the stairs, catching the glimpse of her own shade of blue; her father. His broken gaze withered her soul and her body felt as weak as the day it did when Jinx killed her peace. She stopped in place. The only thing keeping her upright anymore being the red-hot swirl of something bitter brewing in her stomach. She was already imaging target-practice later today, with two sky-blue plaits covering the bullseye.

-

After Jinx had destroyed the council-building, Caitlyn’s ears were ringing so loudly she could barely register her screaming as her own. Vi’s strong hands were no longer steadfast when holding Cait up, and despite her injury, Caitlyn started trying to run. Out of Zaun, out of that hellhole that she thought was worth risking her family and her legacy for. In the back of her mind, she noticed that Vi was following her, calling her name, asking her to wait. You’re hurt Cait, please. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think she would do it. I’m sorry. Violet’s voice cracked on the last apology.

Caitlyn didn’t spare a glance back, adrenaline flowing through her veins just enough that her long legs could carry her through the slums and across the bridge without collapsing. In hindsight, she realized that Jinx just disappeared after the incident, and neither she nor Vi went after her. The thought left an unbearably bitter taste in the back of her mouth, the thought that she was so close to Jinx, after all that she had been through at the hands of the girl, and she didn’t take the chance to shoot her in her fuck ass grin.

Caitlyn sprinted, harder than she ever had before, and felt Vi trying to keep up behind her. Vi even held her rifle that Jinx had taken from her during the abduction. She wished that the pink-haired inmate would just fucking trip on an overgrown root or leave her for her sister instead.

Vi was the one who told her not to shoot.

Vi.

How could she do that?

She kept running, outpacing Vi with every further step.

By the time Caitlyn arrived at the scene, her precariously put-together enforcer uniform was ripped in places she knew was unrepairable and new cuts littered her body. She was nearly knocked down by Jayce’s hulking body, running out of the building, carrying who she vaguely understood to be Viktor’s limp body.

Without sparing a glance back at her friend, she ran into the collapsing structure. She caught a glimpse of soft-white hair and turquoise earrings. Her mother was being carried out by four enforcers in gas-masks, her body slack and unmoving. Caitlyn watched her mother’s eyes, just barely clinging to any semblance of life, met hers, and blinked out one final time. She could do nothing but stand in shock as the enforcers pushed past her to the stretcher laid outside, Cassandra Kirramin’s blank gaze never breaking.

-

Vi was a fucking pussy. She told herself she fucking wouldn’t, that she would stay. away. Yet, she found herself at the foot of a towering mega mansion. From her vantage point on the ground, she could even see the window of Caitlyn’s room, the same one she had snuck into just a few days prior.

The feeling of manicured fingernails brushing her cheek came flooding into her body without permission, and a familiar warmth seemed to tighten its hold around her heart. “Fuck.” She cursed to herself, and took the first step up the massive stairs. She was weak, and always had been, but she tried to console herself by telling herself that she just wanted to make sure that Cait was okay, that’s all.

Once more, just to see her, that’s all.

The guards stationed at the large mahogany doors let her in without so much a second glance, and Vi, against her best wishes, felt her heart swell. Cait had to have told them to let her through, otherwise what competent guard would allow a Zaunite into one of the most influential Piltie families' homes, especially after recent events?

It took Vi embarrassingly long to locate Caitlyn, at some points just aimlessly wandering around the carpeted halls, fingertips brushing each piece of exquisite artwork adorning the walls. A few times, she nearly walked into rooms where Caitlyn’s father was in, before catching herself and speeding away. She didn’t need a reminder of how unwanted she was there and didn’t have the strength in her to apologise without crying.

Vi was the catalyst that led Cait to lose her mother. She wasn’t stupid, she could see the level of crazy that Jinx had come to. She had noticed in her youth that Powder wasn’t the most stable of children, especially after Mylo’s unrelenting taunting, but she never would have guessed how big of an impact her disappearance would have on her younger sister.

Sidling up with Silco, for fuck’s sake. Vi never meant to leave her, and every second after getting thrown into jail by some enforcer to her release, her only thought was of Powder. She knew Powder, her greatest insecurities and biggest goals and still she allowed the girl to think that her big sister, her protector, was leaving her. Powder was just a kid, and look at how badly Vi fucked her up.

Vi swallowed painfully at the realization that she did this. Powder became Jinx because of her actions, and now her hand hovered over the door to Caitlyn’s mother’s closet, where Kirraman was seated cross-legged, unsure if she should knock or leave again before she messes everything up again. She started to shuffle backwards, away from the room, walking away from the only reliable thing in her life.

Caitlyn must have heard the soft breaths of Vi’s shoes on the hardwood and looked over her shoulder sharply.

“Vi!” Cait’s desperate voice ended in a needy whisper.

The taller girl got onto her feet unsteadily and almost sprinted to Vi, falling into her arms. Her face was streaked and hair mussed. Vi could feel fresh tears soaking into the side of her neck, where Caitlyn’s face was currently buried. “I thought you left.”

Vi only held her tighter, but didn’t allow her grimy hands to come anywhere near the pristine uniform that Caitlyn wore, in fear of getting it dirty with her heavy hands. “I’m right here cupc- Cait.” It felt wrong to use such a light-hearted nickname, especially after all the pain she had caused the woman in her arms.

Caitlyn, seeming to catch herself, pulled away quickly from Vi’s hold and tried to inconspicuously wipe away any remaining water from her eyes. Half of the dark-blue shoulder length hair was falling out of the hastily done ponytail, and Vi’s hands itched at her side to try to stop it from brushing it out of the other girl’s face.

“How’ve you been holding up?” Vi asked, her voice soft.

“What do you think?” Caitlyn responded with a feigned chuckle and turned around. Vi noticed the clothing that littered the floor of the closet for the first time, and the ruffled tuxedo dress that Caitlyn clenched in her white-knuckled fist.

They stood like that a while, Caitlyn once again facing the days-untouched clothes neatly folded on racks, and Vi observing Cait from behind. The closet itself was bigger than Vi’s cell for seven years, but somehow felt even more desolate and hopeless.

Vi let her eyes drag from the top of Caitlyn’s head to the bottom of her heeled boots. The roots of her hair were getting slightly greasy, as if she hadn’t showered in quite a bit, but her uniform was as pristine and gleaming as ever, as if it had been polished and laundered many times over.

The skirt that Caitlyn wore left just enough of a gap above her thigh highs to show a sliver of white skin. Usually, Vi’s lust-addled mind would stare there more than she liked to admit, but now she could only think about the small bruise that was blooming under carefully applied makeup, mostly hidden by the hem of the skirt. Vi did her best, but could not control her sharp inhale at the view. How could someone be so pure in a world so cruel? And Vi had helped lead Caitlyn down a path where her blemishless, innocent skin would most likely be further marred by her past.

Caitlyn turned on her heel to face Vi once again, and Vi had to take a slight step back, forgetting how much taller the other girl was, especially in her shoes.

“I’m going to go check on my father, he’s not been eating.”

Vi, once again, couldn’t meet her eyes, and let her gaze drop to the floor.

A heartbeat later, a slim, manicured hand tentatively reached for Vi’s, and her heart melted.

“Are you.. Going to stay?” Caitlyn grew more confident as she slowly wrapped both her hands around Vi’s. She didn’t look up at her, instead opting to brush her fingers over Vi’s wrapped knuckles. “I could clean this for you.”

Vi felt the familiar tug in her gut, drawing her closer to the idea of staying with Caitlyn, but she felt disgusted with herself for feeling as such. “Cait..”

Caitlyn’s striking blue eyes met hers under long lashes and the words caught in her throat. Gently, she pried her hand away from Caitlyn’s pleading grip and brought it to her face. Her thumb brushed over one of the tear streaks on Cait’s soft cheek and she could feel her eyebrows tighten with something akin to affection.

“Of course I will.”

If it weren’t for Vi’s hand allowing her to feel the loosening of Caitlyn’s clenched jaw, she wouldn’t be able to perceive much at all about the girl’s reaction. Instead Caitlyn nodded into her palm.

“I’ll be quick, I swear. I just need to make sure he’s okay to sleep.” Cait covered Vi’s hand on the side of her face with her own. “My room is down the hall and the second door on the left.”

Slowly, she extracted herself, and Vi heard the clack of boots down the hallway, stunned at what she’s allowed herself to do. Caitlyn was a sweet girl with a heart that needed to be defended by someone who wouldn’t accidently hurt it in the process. Caitlyn Kirramin was the exact person she grew up believing didn’t exist, and Vi was allowing herself to become key to her destruction.

In her room?? The house was fucking massive, and there was more silk in the closet itself than Vi had ever been exposed to (exactly none), her entire life prior. They must have at least one spare room. She mentally kicked herself and clenched her fists into her jacket. All she could do was hope that she wasn’t making the wrong decision again.

-

Vi had no idea how anyone got around in this palace; it took her almost ten minutes of walking up and down the hallways until she finally found the familiar high-ceilinged bedroom, her face a mask of amused disbelief the whole time.

She entered as softly as she could. The room was as she remembered it, all organized and minimal, a picture perfect representation of one of Piltover’s most wealthy families. It seemed that this aesthetic left Vi unsure of where to keep her hands so she opted to cross her arms.

All was the same except one tiny change to Caitlyn’s crime board at the foot of her bed. At the center of the interweaving lines of yarn, there was one image plastered haphazardly. All the paths led to that one picture, like rivers flowing to the ocean. Vi felt her mouth go dry as the worst photo she had ever seen of her sister started back at her, with a deranged sort of stare.

She didn’t even have enough time to react to it before hearing the click of the door behind her. Caitlyn’s eyes immediately drew to what Vi was looking at and she quickly pulled a throw blanket off of the loveseat in the corner and threw it on top of the board, making sure nothing was peeking through.

“It’s getting late, Vi, I don’t want to think about anything substantial right now.”

Cait was indeed right, it was well past dark, as could be seen through the infamous window on the far end of her room. Vi attempted a small smile and her usually natural laidback tone.

“So, where do you want me?” She face-palmed internally as Caitlyn let out a small, endearing giggle. Vi’s smile turned genuine at the sound, despite the fact that she just accidentally let innuendo slip to the girl she would be spending the night with.

Caitlyn’s eyes were bright, despite the circles underneath them. “Hopefully in here?”

Vi’s hesitation was palpable, especially now. “Do you have a spare mattress? Or I could take the chair. Or the floor, I’m used to that one, feels like home now.”

Caitlyn just started at Vi like she was stupid. “I would never make you sleep on the floor.” She whispered, almost offended.

Vi couldn’t take any more of this. This.. guilt. But she endured, for Caitlyn’s sake.

“Thanks, Cupcake.”

-

Vi was easier to read than any books in Caitlyn’s family library. Zaunite's pupils were always blown looking at her and the scar on her lip twitched whenever she had something to ask. Not unusually, Cait was looking at Vi’s lips again. She found it ironic that such a hardened individual was so obviously transparent. The girl was concerned about her, and if anyone else were to be so, attentive, Caitlyn would send them out immediately. But, as she had suspected (and feared): she needed Vi.

Caitlyn had been raised to focus only on the task at hand; getting the job done. With all the memories pushing and pulling like tides in her head made the etiquette lessons with her mother feel like they happened hours ago. She could still feel the warm sting of a ruler rapping against her lower back whenever she slouched. The perfect daughter. Even in her dying breath, Caitlyn didn’t believe Cassandra thought that of her.

House Kirraman was a matriarchy, and she was the sole inheritor of the title. She understood it now more than ever, that her days of trying to find her “place” in the world were over. Recklessly selfish actions for the sake of a possibly hollow idea of self no longer had any place in her. Caitlyn knew who she was: capable and resourceful, and an excellent fucking shot. Although the future was still a perpetually uncertain mystery, she tried to take it one step at a time.

Vi was looking at her, she could feel her worried gaze. Caitlyn inhaled deeply, clearing her mind the best she could. One mission: get through the night.

Maybe then she wouldn’t feel Cassandra’s hard, but loving stare drilling into the back of her neck.

- Vi’s brain hurt trying to overanalyze every step of Cait’s movements, attempting to decipher what her next best move should be. Currently, the bluenette was rummaging through a dresser at the corner of her room. Vi slowly slipped off the bed, unsure of what to do.

Caitlyn walked over with two fresh pairs of clothes. She handed Vi a pair of soft linen pants and a cotton white tank top, while she held a similar tank and a short pair of her shorts.

“Do you need anything? You can change in the bathroom if you’d like.”

Vi smiled, but it probably came out looking more like a grimace. “This is more than I’m used to, don’t worry.” Her teasing tone was doing nothing to remedy Cait’s stoic expression. The only window Vi had for any indication of what she was thinking, were the girl’s striking eyes, clearly focused on something else.

Caitlyn walked directly past Vi and sat on her bed, legs crossed and knees to her chest with her face in her palms. Vi followed a few long seconds later, letting her legs dangle off the edge of the bed as she put her hand on Cait’s knee. Caitlyn finally met her eyes.

“Do you need anything else?” She asked gently.

Caitlyn’s voice was hoarse. “I’d like to shower.”

Vi looked at her slightly quizzically, unable to answer.

“She took me while I was bathing.” The words left her lips without ceremony, her tone flat, practiced. She knew it would hit Vi like a hammer, but what else was there to say? Her hand clenched the fabric of her shorts, knuckles pale against the dark cloth.

Vi felt the room tilt, her pulse thrumming so loudly in her ears that Caitlyn’s voice sounded like it was underwater.

She felt horrible for wanting to chuckle at Vi’s horrified look.

“Wha.. What do you mean?”

Vi’s breath hitched, her thoughts stumbling over themselves. Her chest felt tight, her fists curling unconsciously. Naked. Helpless. The image struck her like a fist to the ribs, and she bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep her voice steady. Jinx’s laughter echoed in her head. What have I done?

“After the bridge. She kept me for a day, and..” Her voice trailed off, lost in thought.

-

Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck. Oh my god what the fuck. Vi felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. It was so much worse than she thought. Her heartbeat started to match the speed of her thoughts, as she put together the pieces.

When she had seen Caitlyn gagged and tied, the girl looked more terrified than she had ever seen her. Even still, Jinx’s presence cast a shadow over her worry.

Every step she thinks that she takes in the right direction, just ends up hurting the people around her. Maybe her and her sister weren’t that different after all.

-

Even softly, Caitlyn caught onto the slight increase in Vi’s breathing pattern and used her pointer finger to lift Vi’s chin gently, so their eyes could meet. She slipped her ungloved hand into Vi’s buzzed hair, the short strands soft against her fingertips, her thumb brushing the warmth of Vi’s cheek.

“Vi, I want to shower.”

Vi looked as conflicted as she probably felt. All she did was nod.

Caitlyn leaned forward, resting her forehead against her knees, her hand still lightly brushing Vi’s. The silence stretched between them, broken only by the soft rustle of fabric as Vi shifted closer. She didn’t know what to say—hell, she didn’t know what Cait wanted her to say.

When Caitlyn finally looked up, her eyes held a quiet, raw intensity that made Vi’s throat tighten. “Could you…” Her voice was thick, and she cleared her throat, her fingers tightened around Vi’s for just a moment. “Come with me?” Caitlyn’s eyes were sharp but heavy, like an ocean that hadn’t decided whether to swallow you whole or let you float.

-

[riality-check]

1.

There were scissors, once. Maybe. She thinks.

That time, the In-Between, has always been kinda nebulous. Floaty, like smog. No substance, like the colored fluff she’s sometimes seen topsiders take bites of.

Why the people with air decided to pay stupid money to eat it, she’ll never understand.

What was she talking about again? 

Oh, the In-Between. The maybe-scissors.

She remembers something sharp coming towards her, and then she bit on something like a carrot, ‘cept it was warmer and tasted way worse, and then there was yelling and red and her head hit the wall, but that didn’t really matter, did it? She had more than a few screws loose, and trying to tighten them was like using a staple gun instead of a screwdriver. Didn’t work all that well for how loud and painful it was. Might as well let all those loose screws rattle around up there. Might be the only thing loud enough to drown Them out.

No more scissors in the In-Between after that. Not that she remembers. She’s just going by the length of her hair.

2.

The scissors Before were dull. Vander - back when he wasn’t rotting with the rest, thankfully he’s not one of her ghosts - used to swear when he had to use them. She used to peek out from under the bowl he put on her head, and he’d laugh but swear again when he realized the whole haircut was crooked.

She made it crooked. Because she couldn’t listen.

Maybe that should have been the first sign.

But that was before actions had consequences that went boom and meant blood. That was when all her fuck-ups could be fixed by going to Vi, who had hands like Vander’s - big, brawny, bruised, lotta other b-words - but actually had the dexterity to braid the long, choppy parts back.

3.

Soon After, Jinx gets used to her name, and she gets frustrated with her hair.

It’s longer than it’s ever been, mostly evened out from the last crooked bowl cut she got from Before - the last one she’d ever get, which, hey, she can’t fuck those up anymore, one less thing, whoop dee doo - and it falls into her face ever time she hunches over something with her tools.

She does a lot of that. Focusing on something that Silco needs her to do, something that grinds and squeals in time with the screaming music she blasts is the only thing to make Them quiet.

They’ve been quiet, her ghosts, for a few days. Jinx knows better by now than to think they’ll be quiet forever. They always come back like they never will.

When her hair flops into her face again, she screams. She shoves everything off her bench and hunts viciously for a pair of scissors.

She doesn’t find any. Instead, she grabs a pocket knife. It’s from After, from now, and it doesn't matter that she can’t remember if Silco gave it to her or if it was a begrudging castaway from Sevika or one of the others. All that matters is that it’s sharp. It’ll be quick. Quicker than the Before cuts. And then she can get back to work. Back to good noise.

She holds it up to the first hunk of hair she can grab, about to cut it, about to do something actually useful, something that works for once, shut up They’re back shut up-

And then Jinx catches sight of herself in the mirror.

Faces flicker: hers, now, angry and wide-eyed and twisted into something painful, very nearing animal, and that girl from Before’s. Young. Happy. With hair the length Jinx was just about to cut hers to.

The faces will keep flickering if the knife has its way. She can’t put the knife down. The faces keep flickering, back and forth so fast Jinx can’t tell which one of them is crying.

The door of her workshop opens, and without thinking, she hurls the knife toward the sound.

She pretends she hears it stick in the door and not clatter uselessly to the floor.

“You know, you really should look as you throw it if you want it to do anything.”

This voice, not one of Theirs, gives her the strength to tear away from the mirror.

Silco straightens from where he’s picked up the pocket knife. He wipes it delicately on the leg of his trousers and flips it once, twice in his hand.

Jinx braces herself. She’s seen this sort of leadup before, watching from rafters in places she’s not supposed to be but are so easy to climb, knows it’s only a matter of time before he releases that knife aimed right at her.

She hopes he’ll miss on purpose. He does that sometimes, just to scare people. It’s funny. When it isn’t her.

But the knife never comes. Somewhere along the way, she closed her eyes, and she opens, them, startled, at the clatter of the sheathed knife on her workbench.

She follows the line of Silco’s open hand up to his face.

“Would you like to tell me why you threw that at me, Jinx?” he asks softly.

He’s the only person besides the ghosts when they’re mean and sister-not-sister, that makes her name sound natural. He uses it often. It sounds like a curse-not-curse.

Like me, she sometimes thinks.

“My hair,” she says because he doesn’t like liars.

A furrow appears between his brows. “Could you not cut it?”

Jinx knows Pow-the girl and not herself, thank you very much, ladies and gents, will be staring back if she glances in the mirror.

She turns away from it.

“No.”

“Would you like me to-” Silco starts as he picks the knife back up.

Jinx can only think of the In-Between, the maybe-scissors, the taste of iron on her baby teeth. She slams her hand down onto Silco’s, on top of the knife.

He stares at her. His left eye is cloudy. He should fix that soon. Jinx would do it, assuming she’s allowed to keep her hands after this.

She gulps and tries not to glance down at her painted nails, how much she’d miss having those.

Silco raises his eyebrows. Jinx puts her hands into her lap.

“Well,” he says, leaving the knife on the workbench and peering down at her. “It seems we’re at an impasse. If you can’t cut it, and you won’t allow me to, then-”

“I need,” Jinx begins, but her words are as scrambled as the screws in her head. “I need it back, out, not gone, because she had it gone, I need it-”

She didn’t have that way, not really, and it’s the only thing she can think of to make it go away so she can work and it can be loud-good-quiet again, please don’t come back please do-

“Braided,” she finally lands on. It’s right, and she feels bile rise up in her throat. She swallows it back down and looks up at Silco.

He looks satisfied by her answer. “So braid it.”

“I can’t. I don’t know how.”

Before, back when sister-Vi-not-sister did it, that girl never learned. She was happy. Helpless. Dependent.

No wonder I keep seeing her face in the mirror, Jinx thinks, barely keeping back a giggle. None of that has changed.

A stool rattles as it’s wheeled behind her. She glances up in the mirror, sees Silco’s face over her shoulder. That’s good. If she keeps her eyes on him, the faces don���t flicker.

The music is still loud enough to drown Them out, but not so loud she can’t hear him if he talks.

“I’ll try,” is all he says before he neatly parts her hair down the middle. His hands are cold like his voice, but his grip is light like his breathing.

Jinx waits far too long, staring at his focused face in the mirror, before not even that helps with the faces. They switch in and out again like candle flame moves, and it’s only a matter of time before one-both-neither-who-cares starts crying again. She grabs a small box on the bench, props some childish mechanical trinket on top of it so she doesn’t have to tilt her head down, and takes it apart to have something to do with her hands and her eyes.

She works. If it wasn’t for his breathing, she wouldn’t know Silco was even behind her. He moves slowly, never speaking, and never tugs once.

(Before, Vi-not-sister would sometimes get frustrated when that girl would mess with her, and she’d tug on purpose. The girl would smack her back, and that was usually the end of it.)

It feels like forever between the longer hair and the glacial speed. Jinx takes apart three little toys and sorts their parts by size and function when Silco finally speaks again.

“How is that?”

She looks up in the mirror. 

The faces stop flickering.

She just sees herself with her hair bound back into two long braids just past her shoulders.

They’re a little loose toward the front, where her hair is shorter, but she can deal with that just fine.

She can work. She’s herself.

She’s Jinx, everybody. Hell yeah.

She spins on her stool and wraps her arms around Silco’s waist just like she did that first time, when she was smaller. (Contrary to how he looks, he really is great to hug. Solid. Safe.)

Silco’s arms settle around her after a beat. He doesn’t let go until she pulls back.

“I’ll get you the new model tonight,” she says, because now she can work and think and focus and wow her hands need something to do right now and she might as well be productive with her hair out of her face and the energy and the drive-

“Anything else?” Silco asks, already rising.

“Nope,” she says, popping the p, already focused on figuring out how to make things work.

That’s something that girl from Before could never manage.

She’s already turned back to her prototype by the time she hears him shut the door on his way out.

Only then does it occur to her to dry her tears.

4.

By the time Jinx lowers Silco into the water, he hasn’t touched her hair in years.

He braided it a lot when she was young, when she still had to learn by watching because he never talked as he did it. Always so focused. So smart, she had to admit, despite him being a liar, but he needed all of his brain to braid her hair.

To be fair, it was a lot of hair.

He never tugged, and it never hurt, and no matter how exactly she mimicked the deftness of his fingers, she could never match that painlessness.

As he sinks, she gives one of her floor-length braids a little tug. Better get used to it now. Scissors and cutting it are a no-go, yessir, thanks so much but she’ll pass on wanting to stab someone on instinct instead of meaning to.

Just the braids now. And, as she pulls herself out of the water, Jinx reminds herself that without Silco, they’re always going to hurt to do.

Read it on AO3 if you'd like as well!

[srslylini]

I could tell you about the moving of their throats, about their lips trembling and quivering, their eyes closing, not with each other but after each other because Vi needs to see Caitlyn to understand and Caitlyn needs to feel more than see.

I could talk about how Caitlyn was the first to leave her defenses behind by coming closer without her gun and I could also tell you how Vi, always the fighter, needed to see the safety until the last possible moment and then fall into it and hear Caitlyns voice and promise before she could let her defense fall. And with that I could also talk about how the weapons are still close to Vi even after losing them and how it shows, while she wants to, she can't yet leave her defenses behind completely. Not like Caitlyn at least.

I could talk about how they draw closer for the first kiss but with Vi still holding onto her weapons and distrust at first, are still away from each other.

I could talk about how Vi is the one who can't stop watching Caitlyns eyes and mouth and how her breathing is harder than Caitlyn's because she is still scared and so so in love and how Caitlyn is always fixed on her mouth.

I could talk about Vi's eyebrows furrowing and Caitlyn's jaw working while swallowing, Vi's nose piercing moving in sync with them, I could talk about how after their first kiss they found their footing together and left their last defenses.

I could talk about how that leaves them both vulnerable to each other and the world. I could talk about Vi's last breath after their first kiss before she lets her weapons fall and with that herself too.

And I could also talk about their embrace and how they are, now that the weapons are almost fully gone, completely there with each other, I could also talk about Caitlyn's fingers in Vi's hair-

well I could but uhm Im normal duh.

[vi-arcanes-left-biceps]

Coming to terms with the fact that the things I did not like from Arcane S3 are mostly related to what was wanted and needed to be told following time and lore constraints. Or at least I think many things were.

I'd like to start by saying that I do not hate the ending or dislike it particularly. I think the series did pretty well with the resources they had and made very good visual and dialogue storytelling, even if I'd prefer things to be different. However, There was something that bugged me about it and I was not able to put it into words until I rested from the finale-induced-high and got away from silly discourse. This is my interpretation and reading of the story so you don't necessarily have to agree idk.

I feel like Vi's and Jinx's arcs were sort of uncoordinated, which while realistic, it feels kind of unsatisfying, at least to me.

Vi's fatal flaw is self-sacrificing for her loved ones, over and over again. Of course, her arc is about learning to choose herself, open herself to be taken care of and not be always the caretaker, and coming to terms with the fact that she just can't save everyone. The thing is she doesn't choose herself -she is forced to choose herself, two times, by Jinx. The tragedy is that she's unable to learn that lesson by herself and in the end she kind of doesn't. Jinx's sacrifice is what gives her a clean slate to begin again and be able to start from scartch, to finally let go of the past (loosing Vander and Powder again, this time, having a support system and a space to grieve and heal). So, I get that makes sense as a narrative and alligns with how the series had been constructed. I don't think it's bad, though as a storyteller/story enjoyer, I don't personally like unconditional love as the fatal flaw for a greek tragedy-like story.

Then, Jinx's arc is about her feeling that she ruins everything, and that she feels unable to do anything but destroy what she loves. She also needs to let go of years of guilt and emotional abuse. She begins to find herself and start having healthy relationships in S2 and particularly after meeting Isha. She sees herself reflected in her, understands her sister better, and both are able to make amends until tragedy strikes again and she re-lapses into seeing herself as a jinx. Her tragedy seems to be being unable to escape that destiny. And I use "seems" because she sees another way after speaking to Ekko: she's able to learn that there are more possibilities to who she can be and that her identity is not tied to causing pain - that she can create her own destiny.

So now let's go to the final chapter. By ep.9, Jinx is ready to try again and find her identity. She's ready to make peace with all that happened. She's ready to walk away from Vi, not out of pain and a sense of doom, but out of the knowledge that she cannot stay in Zaun/Piltover, she needs to walk away to be able to start again.

So this is what is unbalanced. Jinx was able to mature throughout the series, to see other options for herself, and to see them for her sister, too. Vi was unable to let go and had to be forced.

Jinx dying, from Vi's perspective, finished her personal tragedy. It closes the cycle of pain that she's been re-living the whole series, albeit with a very sad ending, and leaves a space for her to finally grieve for real. And it would also be a tragedy for Jinx, who was so close to recovering, to have an ending like this. She closes the story that she accidentally started with that bomb. Vi's fatal flaw, being unable to let go of Vander, causes the end of the cycle -just like Jinx's tragic 'curse' started it for the sisters. I get this interpretation and that it is somewhat poetic. That doesn't mean I like it, not as it was developed. S2 seemed to be going for a Jinx redemption and for freeing her of the destiny of losing her loved ones. Killing her off, then, seems very unsatisfying because I feel that if we were going for the tragedy angle, some more development would have been needed, and the time constraints did dirty to that narrative.

HOWEVER, and this is my interpretation of events, I think Jinx survived the final explosion and walked away on the blimp. I belive there are enough intentional clues to believe so, even if they do not want to confirm. I don't like the narrative of the suicidal character comitting suicide just after finding a reason to keep going.... I get the tragedy but I'm sorry but that's overdone and also unsatisfying to me given what had been shown so far! So this might be a cope, but bear with me and even if you don't believe she is, pretend she's alive.

Jinx surviving the explosion, from my point of view, is not only a very Jinx-like thing to do, it would allow her to both close the chapter and close her arc in a satisfying way, with her going away to a place where she is not tied to her history in Zaun (Silco's right arm, unwilling resistance symbol, searched criminal, sister to Vi) and she can start again. I'd love that ending for Jinx and I think that's what's happened -as there are many hints to see it.

BUT then, Vi is the one who did not move on. She wasn't given a chance to exit the cycle. She was forced to. She needed to lose Vander and her sister again -that I agree- to be able to grieve properly. But I can see an unbalance in Jinx re-gaining her agency and finally making a choice for herself, and Vi not getting the chance to do so. Realistic, yes, but sort of unsatisfying.

I'll elaborate -I'm not against the tragic angle per se, even if I'd liked to see Vi have more agency, I don't think she as a character was written as ready to grow to walk away (more runtine would have worked to do that, though) and it's cool that Jinx can be the one to protect her sister this once. But then, if Jinx is alive, is Vi really going to be able to grow from this? If she finds out Jinx is alive, would she not be unable to give her up? The cycle is not closed from her end. If the end of her arc is her losing Jinx forcefully, because she was unable to let go, with Jinx alive, and without a proper goodbye, her arc remains opened. That's what bugs me.

I understand lore-wise they probably can't kill off the champions (not definitevely) and Jinx and Vi need to be separate. From the little I know Jinx has more relationships with other champions so it also makes sense for the door to be open to her being alive and explore this in future series (hence providing clues that Jinx may have survived and not confirming it). But this, together with the season having little time to delve into many things that we had to infer, makes the ending of both of their arcs kinda weird and unbalanced. If it's a full greek tragedy ending, with Jinx dying, then her character progress feels cut short. If Jinx is alive, but they could not confirm it because it's not clear what will be done next in the series universe, Vi's arc remains unsatisfyingly open. They could not give a scene of the sisters saying goodbye because Vi was not ready not move on -they needed more screentime to deal with their relationship for that to work- and probably because they did not want a clear "Jinx is alive" ending.

I still think this is an amazing series, the ending is not disappointing despite this and I can understand why certain decisions were taken, but I would have loved for it to be slightly different, with more runtime and less lore constraints to the narrative.

[biggest-vi-defender]

arcane analyses i kinda wanna make:

1) vi and her own cycle of violence & abuse

2) vi and her role as the mother & the father

3) vi & the consequences of parentification/adultification