#applies to adult literature too

[intelligentchristianlady]

"...up to 30 days imprisonment for librarians who refuse to remove the offending books."

N.B. This applies to THE WHOLE LIBRARY, not just the YA section.

Read here for more.

[mihai-florescu]

You dont know what to major in? Can i recommend you the foolproof mihai method of just flipping a coin?

[fumifooms]

"Marchil? I guess I can see it on Chilchuck’s end, but what about Marcille’s? What makes you think she could develop feelings for him?" I’m glad you asked!

The first thing to note is that she does think highly of him

In the page on the right, literally defending his virtues and literally comparing him to Dalclan. And oh…

She does love a brooding mysterious guy who closes himself to love. But surely, Chilchuck isn’t her type at all, right? He’s not princely or knightly at all. In apperances certainly not, both looks wise and demeanor wise, but then that’s why she seeks to know him on a deeper level, to not only look shallowly.

And hmm. Chilchuck really is quite selfless isn’t he? Always looking out for others, and saving specifically her often, always making sure himself and, staying in or even running towards danger for her sometimes. Modesty is often considered heroic…

And can we talk about that drowning one… You can definitely frame the special attention as him knowing she tends to hesitate or be clumsy, and then his insistance on pulling her out of danger that she’s the healer aka the most important to keep alive, but. From the one who says that he just keeps his ass out of fights and won’t help this is a lot of risk to take, and he does die trying to pull her to safety in the dungeon rabbits chapter. And the drowning bit??? That’s when the dungeon collapses. The only reason they DON’T die of drowning here is that the water then gives way to outside. There was NO hope of pulling her to safety here and resurrections would likely not work either, he truly preferred to die with her than try to survive himself.

Sit your ass back DOWN you are in no state, self-sacrifical hero much damn

And Marcille definitely noticed this imo, after all she loves learning all she can about him, remembering things like how he hates waiting on people too. She pays attention to him and what he does and what he says. This to say that it’s notable, whatever reason for it you may think (though we know by this point at least she was already aware he was an adult though it wasn’t internalized), out of everyone it’s Chilchuck’s bed that she wants to sleep in during the Golden Kingdom stay. He’s safe and comforting to her: dependable, the defining trait in her view of him as is shown by the relationship chart in the Adventurer’s Bible.

^ Lending handkerchiefs is a romance trope btw and handkerchiefs have irl history of being used for courting. Especially in old English literature and plays like Shakespeare’s Othello, and personally I do see a lot of Shakespeare in Dalclan (nobility political drama with some romance). There’s how his cowl is a dearly beloved souvenir from his family too, there’s a lot of aesthetic tropes you can apply to him.

All this to say you can 100% romanticize Chilchuck into a princely noble guy if you try and that’s exactly what Marcille does with the wife roleplay. She doesn’t need much in the first place, she latches onto crumbs and makes aesthetic narratives out of details, give her an inch she’ll take a mile.

But what’s interesting about the shift throughout the arc of her and his relationship is that she starts out idealizing him into a little angel of a kid (shapeshifter), and she ends it idealizing him as a virtuous husband and family man instead.

And what’s doubly interesting is that in the former, she’s actively warping who he is personality and demeanor wise to fit the aesthetic, he doesn’t have that bitter pride of not asking for help and the edges have been smoothened. But what she does during the wife roleplay is something else, she acknowledges the flaws and just… Accepts them, rolls with them. She’s aware of his flaws and implements them into the narrative, but the reason why his wife left doesn’t capitalize on them even, rather Chil is chilblivious and his wife loves him very much still, she’s just testing him after having had a night of feeling out of place at his side.

And this is what separates the idealization vs romanticization, she’s not twisting him into someone else she’s just uplifting what he is and focusing on the good sides.

Marcille: "he has a shitty personality sometimes but if he was my husband I’d still cherish him" "If I were your wife I’d be overjoyed to go out with you and would get myself prettied up while you complain about me taking a long time, your friends would tell me that I’m nice and that’d make me happy, but I’d also be sad because you wouldn’t tell me that you love me enough"

He’s angry and his wife left him, he’s *flawed*, but he’s still worth hyping up, still worth having his own romance story, still has a shot of winning back his beloved. She sees him for what he is, human and real and not a carefully scripted character that fits an aesthetic, and she thinks it’s still worthy of love and admiration and fighting for

And what’s funny too is that you might expect her to cool down on him once she learns more about him but actually she only gets increasingly into his business. You tell her your age and next thing you know you promise to introduce her to your family. Give her an inch she takes a mile. And too the thing is, Senshi is equally mysterious but she doesn’t pester him like at all, asks him ONCE about his succubus and he doesn’t even answer and that’s like… It. With Chilchuck it starts off innocently enough with her wanting to know his age, hometown, the stuff she mentions having asked pre-canon. But it just keeps and keeps going and escalating. Think she’ll be satisfied now knowing you have a wife and kids, maybe she’s disillusioned now? Wrong! She wants to know their names and ages and occupations and hey how did you propose to your wife? Do you think she’ll stop after meeting them? What’s next? What will she want to know next????

She’s… Like it’s not a reach that Marcille is all over him. Like it doesn’t mean it’s romantic but she just is. She is not normal about him idk. Can you not ask him about what tongue technique he used when first kissing his wife, give the man breathing room

Marcille could literally go "if I was Chilchuck’s wife" having deeply pondered and thought out the hypothetical and people would still ask where anyone sees any romantic potential between them. Oh wait

There’s a platonic explanation for everything (almost?) in Dungeon Meshi don’t say I’m saying otherwise, but it’s definitely not like there’s nothing here to read into lol

Going off a bit more under read bc it’s my fave topic

Marcille has a whole theme with the charming prince trope with her idealization and storybook motif and Chil is kinda the "Well someone perfect like that isn’t very realistic and romance is usually more complex and that’s ok and good and flawed people can still be ✨virtuous✨" catalyst

Do you see do you see she starts canon thinking the most romantic thing is a prince charming but her arc in the end has her romanticizing an average, flawed, real and realistic family man, who’s on the poorer side and is on the verge of divorce. And that’s what he needed, too, seeing the positive of himself and the situation instead of focusing on the negative is explicitly what inspires him to hope that he might be able to reconcile with his wife, gives him the courage and self-esteem to shoot his shot.

He IS a prince figure instead that now it’s not about idealizing the grand and overt it’s about romanticizing the small things in real life!! About finding joy and beauty in things that seem normal or mundane and uplifting them to make the world feel kinder!!!!

He’s the devoted virtuous man that she wantsss not the storybook prince that’s unrealistic and could crumble like a script at any time. He’s the perfect example of a flawed realistic but virtuous & devoted & loving man. Far from a prince charming, but not fully detached from it either. Something worth fighting for despite the flawed cracks. Like literally, flawed romance being worth fighting for is literally the finale of Chilchuck and Marcille’s arc on the matter, where their separate arcs and issues intersect at the most crucial moment.

Marcille is important to Chil’s arc not only because of her optimism, but also because of her interest and knowledge in romance & matters of the heart, and that’s what he needs to both open his heart up to hope and to try to reconcile with his wife, like idk sounds gay

Their arc together is literally learning to 1) see each other for how they are and not undermining their qualities capacities etc etc while still not leaving flaws unchecked either and 2) opening up to people. Marcille LITERALLY makes Chil open his heart up to hope like idk man. What do you want from me. He’s literally the guy helping her through deconstructing novels and fantasy and rose tinted glasses and like. Deconstructing the prince charming figure into something more real but still romantically beautiful like KUI KUI STOOOOP STOP I’M ALREADY HOOKED I’M ALREADY-

 Ok fine that’s me reading into the tropes too much forgive me for being storybook brained but like. Speaking his heart out to a lone woman on a balcony, Romeo and Juliette shit, asking if she, too, doesn’t want to meet his family, madly blushing. And like she’s learned with Chilchuck it’s all in the little things, all the implications he cannot speak aloud. She does reciprocate, does blush madly back, and the first thing she does is shower him in flowers and jewelry and what in her heart is coded as romantic gifts

A lady, stashed away in a high tower by her lonesome, waiting for someone to call out to her from below… Romeo courting type shit with an offer, a heartfelt spiel, implicit confession from underneath her balcony. Offering him flowers because he succeeded in calling out to her heart…….. And they have to climb to her too…. Crazy

Doesn’t it sound like a proposal. One that’s both so storybook-like and not, contrastedly real and grounded, all about the implications rather than in your face grand gestures, "Don’t you want to meet my family?". They literally have an arc about the topic of romance and this is the climax/pinnacle of it like god?? This is @ the woman who said "Chilchuck is a shy/bashful man so I know he wouldn’t tell me he loves me, but…" btw

To quote a friend, truly the shiny secret unlockable dating sim capture target : THE DUNGEON LORD BIT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE HE KNEW SHE'D TAKE IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER HES THE ONE WHO GOT HER TO TURN AROUND COMPLETELY SHES LIKE. WIDE EYED FLAG RAISED???? FLAG RAISED WITH CHILCHUCK 👀👀👀‼️👀👀‼️👀

And the way that this is the culmination of their arc together… Like people are not ready for the ‘Chil calling out to dunlord Marcille on the balcony has Romeo and Juliette romance novels imagery’ take. Or the ‘their arc is about growing to see beauty even in the non-idealized, in the flawed and in the real’ take which makes it so so perfect if she were to lower her ideal from a charming elven prince to a virtuous halfling man (which she does end up romanticizing)

So there, you got to witness in real time what happens when I think about marchil for longer than 2 minutes, there are so many layers it’s a deranged rabbithole. I saw the necronomicon of subtext and it’s driving me to madness with forbidden knowledge that no one else sees

……. Like what if I told you she implicitly picked Chilchuck over a "unrealistic prince charming who’s actually disingenuous" much earlier in the story already. If she was given the choice to think through going with a guy that seems perfect and chivalrous like her succubus she’d pick Chilchuck over the other actually. If I sound insane rn tune in for my full analysis on them coming this month hopefully thank youu. Interwoven arcs of fantasy vs reality and idealization vs pessimism I love youuu

So now you know the general thesis of my planned analysis about the importance of the prince charming figure in Marcille and Chilchuck’s arc, where she romanticizes things to a sometimes worrying degree or idealize people into something easy and digestible and poetic (like Chil being a kid, and then him being a virtuous ✨✨✨husband), and how she needs to value aesthetics less and actual acts and facts more, be more grounded (like seeing people for what they are flaws and all, and accepting that people need money and not pulling through on principles of honor or unity shouldn’t get Namari shamed) and a part of that is accepting that Chilchuck is BOTH flawed and virtuous, a loving husband that still has shitty moods and fumbled his marriage so bad etc etc. So it’s like, her image of perfect prince charming that will whisk you away on an ethereal romance -> realistic flawed middle aged dad with personality issues and a failing marriage but he still is worthy of love and having his cute grand romance story and his happy ending. Ik I keep repeating the same point through this but I need it to be burned into everyone’s brains it has its grip on me I can’t do this. They are so special……

[strangestcase]

For the people that are going to do Dracula Daily this year:

One of the subplots that Dracula covers, and arguably the most important subplot, is one centered around a psychiatric patient confined to an asylum- it touches upon the way he sees the world, his relationship with his doctor, and how he relates to and perceives the villain VS the heroes, since for most of the plot he believes the villain to be good and strives to serve him.

Both the patient and the doctor characters (who are part of the main cast and very important to moving the plot foward in their own ways!) are portrayed as sympathetic victims to the main villain and mostly on the side of good, but in different ways, and, of course, the way they are written is informed by the beliefs of the time.

I won't spoil anything too important about it, just warn you that this subplot depicts Victorian Era ableism, which is... pretty extreme, and forms of medical abuse (specifically, psychiatric abuse) that still exist today!

This plotline involves:

-depictions of hallucinations, delusions, and irrational thinking

-medical malpractice: delusions being encouraged, patients being dehumanized, prolonged use of dangerous restraints

-unsanitary behavior (eating live animals)

-ableist attitudes from most of the hero characters

(other Dracula fans pls tell me if I've missed something)

What do I make of this? you ask. Well...

Do not excuse medical abuse, even if it's fictional. The doctor character is, for all his medical malpractice, depicted as a complex person that has some likeable traits and he undergoes a pretty sad arc relating to loss and trauma, like most of the heroes of this novel. This doesn't make him any less of an abuser, nor makes his patient any less of a victim!

Refrain from using ableist language or rethoric. The patient character, being written for a very old horror book, is often depicted as "unsettling" and his strange behavior is sometimes played for horror. This 1) doesn't make his situation any less deplorable 2) doesn't make him any less sympethetic and most importantly 3) doesnt give you a free pass to treat him as a scary horror monster. He's a victim of both the real monster of this story and the system he lives in.

Listen to psychotic fans. Research the history of Victorian asylums. Understand the historical context. Look at this subplot from a holistic perspective instead of treating it as a horror story within a horror story (although, it is a horror story, but not for the reasons some think it is!). Just don't be a dick to disabled people.

If any part of this subplot triggers or squicks you, you are not obligated to read it, just be aware that it exists and that it is important to avoid perpetuating ableist stereotypes, be they present in the original text or not. (Hell, you are not obligated to read any part of the book if you don't want to do so. Dracula Daily is supposed to be fun. Analyzing literature is supposed to be fun. Enjoying literature is supposed to be fun!)

For the love of God, don't get angry if some fans dislike the doctor character for what he's done and take the patients' side. This was an issue during the last Dracula Daily run. He's literally the victim in this relationship. I'm not saying you can't like or dislike either character but I have to reiterate: do not erase either character's contribution to the plot, do not demonize the patient character for being mentally ill in an "ugly" way and beliveing the villain is good, and don't woobiefy the doctor character because he said a funny thing once. Both are complex adult human beings so don't expect them to be caricatures.

Do not be afraid to call out ableist behavior from other fans, but also be careful to not overstep or talk over disabled fans, especially psychotic fans.

During the Dracula Daily run, some blogs will warn about the entries in which this subplot takes place, and what triggers apply for each one of them. If you need those warnings, don't be afraid to reach out for them!

Happy reading!

[sapphire-drawings]

Hey Sapphire!! I have a question about your Adult Webber

How did he end up getting fused with a spider? Is it sort of the same way that the normal Webber did?

Express reply for Beetle lol

In my head it started all the same as the canon but instead of kicking him out, his mother recognized his crying and they realized what happened to their only child

And his dad would be so mad!

By losing this rare spider specimen he also lost the opportunity to be somewhat relevant in the science community (and his child too). Since that day everything changed and Webber grew with little to no affection practically raising themselves, specially from his dad. The only good company being his now own spider.

But I also like to think his grandparents would try their best. Grandpa providing as much books as he could to read together developing a love for literature, also taking his father's entomology and other sciences ones and eventually finding ways to get more growing up. Such a bookworm, but what else would he do, right?

He considers himself a scientist like his dad taking every opportunity to apply everything he read. Not because he was taught.

Soooo yeah, not a good childhood

Does any of this makes sense? Not at all. It's way more logical for them to get rid of him but that's what Au's are for, right????

[vivaldisspring]

Due to popular demand (5 people asked me), I shall tell the story of how I married my TC

LONG READ AHEAD – THIS IS 7 PAGES ON MY WORD DOC

Hi TCC! I’m Anissa, I’m 27 years old, but I’ve had dumb tcs since I was 11 because of whatever the hell is deeply wrong with me. Before I start, I want to point out how very lucky I was to be surrounded by sensible, responsible, righteous adults as I grew up, so that I was never exposed to any danger – and I’m including adults in the tcc, as I was around here when I was a minor as well. I hope, if you are a minor, you understand that my story is a college story, everything happened between adults (and it started when I was 21), and absolutely nothing that I will say here applies to a high school setting. To be completely honest, it is not exactly any advice for a college setting either, as you will see that I have sorely regretted a lot of my actions and they have led to people getting hurt (mostly me). Even when it comes to professor-student relationships, I would still advise you to not act on your crush, or at least wait until you’ve graduated college. Had I done that, I would’ve spared myself a lot of headache. Also, I do believe as you get older, large age gaps get easier to deal with.

PART 1: JAMES (my crush)

I was 18 when I started college as a History major. It was 2015, and due to issues with my family that I’m not going to go into, I was severely depressed. I soon dropped out of college, spent some time away, and returned in 2017 (20 years old) as a Foreign Languages major this time. So, at 20 years old, I was still a freshman, which to me was super embarrassing, but oh well. Mental health first.

That’s when I met James (not his real name). He was a professor at my university, mainly teaching English. (I do not live in an English-speaking country, so English here doesn’t mean literature in English, but rather the actual language – reading, writing and listening skills in English). James was in his mid-thirties back then, I think, had gotten his PhD and a professor job at my university not too long before. The way it happened is, he published on the department’s Facebook page a notice that he needed an assistant to one of the English classes he taught. His only requirement was, the student needed to have finished the course with the highest grade. That was my case, as I had taken that course the previous semester (with a different professor). In my university, when you’re an assistant to a professor in any class, you get credits. I wanted credits, so I emailed him expressing my interest. He said great, come by my office next week at this time, and we can talk about it.

I went to his office as we had agreed, and that’s when I first met him in person. We talked for a bit, I thought he was very nice, and we agreed I would be his assistant in that specific English class. As his assistant, I was present in all of his classes, I helped take attendance, set up the projector, organize the desks/chairs, prepare the assignments, hand them out, grade them if necessary, answer any questions the students might have, etc. It was a Reading Comprehension class, so I also selected texts in English that I thought would be a good fit for him to assign to the students. This meant that we spent a lot of time together and we had a lot of contact outside of class, discussing plans for the course and solving problems that showed up. We would meet earlier than the time the class started, and after the class ended we stayed together for a while too. I didn’t have a crush on him immediately – it developed throughout the semester, because I guess of our growing proximity.

Now, let me tell you. When the crush did develop. I was OBSESSED. It was INSANE. I’d had crushes on teachers before, in middle school and in high school, but NOTHING LIKE THIS. Those crushes paled in comparison; they were reduced to jokes. My crush on James CONSUMED me, mind, body and soul. I don’t think I can stress this enough. I was a MESS – it was so deep, so strong, unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I thought about him every single minute of every single day. I planned every single one of my actions around him. I dressed for him, I got into credit card debt from buying expensive/pretty clothes that might appeal to him, I started a diet so I could lose weight for him (I was the thinnest and unhealthiest I’d ever been during that time), I started doing exercise (I would go jogging for 2 hours straight) also to lose weight, I wore short skirts, I showed cleavage, I put on more makeup than ever in my life. I wrote poems and songs for him, I overanalyzed our interactions and his very micro expressions, every word that he said. Every praise from him was like the highest high from the most powerful drug – the tiniest word of perceived disapproval was enough to render me suicidal. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I hesitate to call it a crush. It was an ILLNESS. I stalked this man, I stalked him online (I found out everything I could about him and his friends and family), I stalked him physically (I would wait outside his office, at a reasonable distance, for him to come out - sometimes I would go up to him and talk to him, sometimes I would just walk by him and wave, pretending it was a coincidence we were in the same area, sometimes I would just watch him walk up to his car and drive away. I wrote down his license plate and looked for his car everywhere I went. I found out what neighborhood he lived in, and I used to go there in hopes that I could find out his exact building by checking parking spots for his car, and maybe I could also run into him there?). I found out he had a girlfriend and stalked her too, and I compared myself to her to the point of insanity. I shed literal blood, sweat and tears, I dedicated months of my life to this sick obsession, and this sick obsession ONLY. This was all I had. Guys, I did things I can’t even speak of here, because they were too wrong, too petty, quite frankly too embarrassing to admit even to strangers on Tumblr. That’s how bad it was.

I couldn’t regret it more. I think, being severely depressed, I considered this crush my lifeline, and I poured my soul into it like it could save me from darkness. But it was darkness, it was awful. And the worst thing? James didn’t deserve to have to deal with it. He is actually a good guy. I’m pretty sure he noticed how I felt, but he never once took advantage of it. He kept his distance, kept everything professional and ethical, never made advances, never did anything inappropriate, and reacted to my inappropriate behavior very well. He knew I was depressed, he tried getting me into therapy, but there was only so much he could do.

Looking back, I feel my crush on James as something of a curse. I was cursed with it – and it still lingers to this day, I still feel the pain from having been burned alive by these feelings even though I’ve put out all the flames by now. I’m fine, I’m better, 6 years later I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been… but I still shake at the sight of James. I still feel like I can’t quite breathe, even though I’m happily married now and most of the time it’s like James never existed. If I run into him, I can’t say it’s not a blow.

I hope one day I can get over him completely. I wanted to tell you guys the James story because I don’t want this to be simply a “omg I got married to my tc, if I did it you can do it too!!” kind of post. I don’t want to encourage anyone to go after their tcs like I went after James because it DOES NOT END WELL and I know better than anyone how unhealthy a teacher attachment can be. I still love to hear all about your tcs and your cute interactions with them and I so relate to how you guys feel, the good parts and the bad parts, I’m absolutely not judging anyone and I love this community so much. I even write tc/age gap stories, I’m always looking for books, movies, fanfics, etc. I love the trope, I love it. But I can’t lie to you – this particular experience in 2017 screwed me over hard.

Okay. I hope that was enough of a cautionary tale. Let’s move on.

PART 2: MARK (my husband)

So I was James’s assistant in that class, and then in some others. Whenever possible I would also sign up to be his student in courses he taught. This lasted for all of 2017 (the height of it) and 2018 (got slowly better, he was no longer the center of my universe, but I still loved him).

And in the meantime, I met Mark (also not his real name), another one of my professors. While James was in his mid thirties, Mark was in his late forties (which was older than my preferred age gap). The Foreign Languages major at my university focuses mostly on English, Spanish, and French – while James taught English Comprehension, Mark taught French History (actually the exact course title is more specific, so I’m not going to name it, but it’s basically French History).

Now, remember how I said my first choice of major at the university was History? (I was persuaded to change it, I regret it, let’s not talk about it.) At that point, I was still very much a History nerd, and French History was my jam. You can still go back to my posts about Robespierre (love of my life) from 2013/2014 here on the archive to this very Tumblr account. So needless to say, I knew an awful lot about the French Revolution going into Mark’s course.

Fun fact: the first time I enrolled in one of Mark’s classes, I thought absolutely nothing of him, but I did know one thing – all of the department offices were shared by two professors, and James’s office was shared by Mark. So on the very first day of class with Mark, he (Mark) was like “guys, I forgot some papers I wanted to hand out to you, they’re in my office – would someone be so kind as to hop in there and get them for us?”. (Office was located very close to the classroom) I was a shy student who almost never spoke in class or volunteered for anything, but when I tell you I JUMPED OUT OF MY CHAIR and practically yelled over another student was already offering, I was like “I’LL GO, I’LL GO, DON’T WORRY PROFESSOR, LEAVE IT TO ME”. I knew James would be there because his class had ended just before Mark’s started. Mark thanked me and so off I went, happily. James was indeed there, working on his desk. I knocked on the door, “Hi professor, may I come in? It’s just that Mark asked me to pick up these papers right here, don’t mind me, thank you so much, hope you’re doing well, see you next class?”. It was such a short interaction with James, but it MADE MY FUCKING DAY.

One week later I dropped out of Mark’s course because arriving on time for his class was getting in the way of me spending more time with James after his class.

Yeah. The irony.

I only saw Mark again on the next semester, when I enrolled in his class once more and there was nothing keeping me from finishing the course. We got closer as time went on precisely because none of the other students even really knew who Robespierre was, and I not only knew his name, but all of the names of the main French revolutionaries and the specific radical/moderate groups they were part of, and exactly their role in the start of the French Revolution leading up to their death. I was not new to being the teacher’s pet – most of my professors loved me at that time, so I ended up being an assistant to many professors apart from James, and Mark was only another one of them. I never had a crush on Mark. When I tell you he meant nothing to me, even though we were so close and we got along so well and had so many interesting conversations about the French Revolution – still my obsession with James was deep and I didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

So how did it happen, you ask me?

One day, Mark and I were having such a good conversation, it ended up lasting longer than we anticipated. We were talking, I was walking to the bus stop, he was walking home because he lived so close to the university and he didn’t have a car. He actually rode a bicycle to the university, but that day he just dragged his bicycle with him by his side so we could keep talking. We decided to stop at a food place and grab something to eat. And we kept talking. Conversation just flowed really naturally with us, and it was kind of a relief to not have to overanalyze everything I say and everything he says. I could just talk about History, I could just fangirl over Robespierre (Mark totally gets it, he thinks Robespierre is awesome too), I could just be myself. I didn’t have many friends at the university, no one I could really talk to and just have a good time with, so Mark was a godsend. We ordered food, kept talking, argued over the bill, then resumed heading towards our destinations. I had long passed my usual bus stop, but there were many stops I could go to, so I just decided I’d take the bus on the one closest to Mark’s place.

At this point, there was definitely a vibe already, we were both going out of our way to keep spending time together. I’m not sure what inspired my actions here. Maybe I wanted to forget about James for a while. Maybe I wanted a chance to make James jealous somehow. Maybe I just wanted someone to be into me, since James clearly never would. So I made up an excuse to go up to his apartment. We spent some more time together in his balcony, overlooking the city, and then out of the blue he’s like:

“You know, James broke up with his girlfriend.”

I was SHOCKED. I was SHAKEN TO MY CORE. I swear to God, I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump, I wanted to dance. I was SO HAPPY. But I couldn’t do any of that now, could I? So much was going through my head. How did Mark know about my feelings for James anyway? (Why else would he say that??) Was I so very obvious? Had James mentioned anything to him? What about the vibe between Mark and me? WHAT WAS EVEN GOING ON?!

I tried my best to not let out my hysteria over the news that James and his girlfriend had broken up. I tried to say as nonchalantly as I could:

“Oh, really? What a shame. Why did they break up?”

“She had an abortion, it seems, that he didn’t agree with.”

Guys, I can’t even describe the turmoil inside me. I’ll be honest, it affected me so much I don’t even remember what I said next, or what he said, or the rest of our conversation. The next thing I remember, Mark and I were making out on his couch and then the rest is history.

Okay so. Mark knew I liked James, not him. I knew Mark himself had just gotten out of a difficult relationship – he had lived in France for a while and had been in love with a French woman. When he returned to our country (he had to, because of his job at the university), she came with him, they had plans to get married and have children and everything. But she wasn’t able to adapt to the new culture and to being away from her family, so she broke up with him and went back to France. There, she got back together with her ex, and soon she was pregnant by him. Mark was still grieving that, he was still very much in love with her. So basically, I wasn’t really into Mark, Mark wasn’t really into me – we were both aware of that – and we started something of an ~~affair~~ (sex, it was just sex, friends with benefits at most) having agreed that it would be nothing more, considering our feelings for other people.

And like that, it stayed, for many months. And then, I don’t know. I guess when we were together, it was hard to keep it just sex, because we got along so well. We had so many of the same interests (e.g., French Revolution), and other things we introduced to each other – he got me into so much 80s/90s music, I got him into horror movies. We also found out we both loved Nietzsche, so we started reading Nietzsche together, and it was SO productive. He helped me understand so much of what Nietzsche wrote, that now I consider my readings of Nietzsche when I was 16/17 to have been useless, I didn’t GET IT AT ALL. And (he says) my thoughts on what we were reading helped him deepen his understanding as well. I started spending a lot of time at his apartment, and we just had so much fun! Also the sex was amazing

Eventually, we decided to give it a try. We just made sense for us to date, right? If we were attracted to each other and we were the best of friends, literally what was it about James and French Lady that was so important to keep Mark and I from moving on with our lives? Especially when French Lady was already married to another guy, and James was just not interested in me no matter how hard I tried to be something he might want. It made sense to at least try. So try we did, and you know what? Best decision I ever made.

PART 3: JAMES/MARK (how it ended)

James and I were supposed to work together on a project. It wasn’t a class this time, just a separate academic research project. It was the perfect chance for me, because it would give me even more time to spend with him. But honestly. What was the point? James didn’t want anything with me. This was crystal clear. And I was trying to move on with someone else. The topic of the research wasn’t even something I liked to study (it was no French Revolution!), it was literally just an excuse to spend time with James. And that didn’t seem fair, considering I was dating Mark now. So I decided to drop out of the research project.

But I’m not going to lie to you guys. I still loved James very much, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. In fact, it was so hard that I kept putting it off, I kept delaying it, to the point I kind of ghosted James for a little while. I was so paralyzed by the prospect of giving up on him completely. And you don’t ghost someone on a research project, that’s shitty academic behavior. (Mark didn’t know about any of this, by the way. He still doesn’t to this day. I had stopped talking to him about James, because well, awkward, right?)

So one day, I decided it was time. I can’t ghost him any longer. I wrote a James a LONG (!) email, explaining why I had ghosted him (I blamed it on my depression), apologizing profusely for dropping out of the project, complimenting him intensely, and then, finally, asking him if we could maybe meet for coffee one of these days, I would like to give him a hug. Remember, this was a LONG email, and it ended with a question (can we meet in person?). Two days later, I get an answer. I don’t remember it word for word (it hurt me so deeply, I deleted the whole email exchange 5 minutes after reading it), but it was something in the lines of:

“Hi, Anissa. Thanks for explaining. Don’t worry about it, I completely understand. I hope you can get the help you need.

Best regards,

James”

I don’t think I need to explain how painful it was to receive an answer like that, after I had opened up so much to him in long paragraphs, and expressed a desire to see him. And as I got that answer, I started to ask myself why the hell I even wrote such a long email, why the hell I even asked to see him (said I wanted to HUG HIM), when I was dating someone else. In hindsight, that was an asshole move on my part. I guess James thought so too.

I don’t know if James knew about my relationship with Mark. When it comes to James and Mark, the truth is they never got along. I only found out as Mark and I became more intimate and he felt more comfortable confessing that he hates James, always has, and James hates him right back. They both avoided being at the office together. Mark thinks James is stupid, James thinks Mark is arrogant. And since I was Mark’s student, we kept our relationship a secret all along, and I’m sure Mark never told James anything. But who knows? Maybe he found out another way, maybe he guessed it. Maybe he doesn’t know at all, he just answered so coldly because he was angry at me for ghosting him on his project.

Guys. Ever since that email… I never talked to James again. We saw each other from a distance plenty of times at the university, and hell, I even took one of his classes again (it was mandatory, there was no way around it). It was 2020, during the pandemic, so it was all on Zoom, and I never had to say a word to him or show my face on the call. I took the online quizzes, and at the end of the semester I submitted a paper I had written for the final assignment. I received feedback from him saying the paper was excellent. It gave me a little bit of joy, as his praise was does… but also, a little bit of disgust. I know everything that went wrong between me and him was my fault. But I’m only human, and I can’t help it, I resent that email. I resent it a lot. I stopped talking to James partly out of respect for my new boyfriend, partly out of hatred for James and his stupid fucking email that broke my heart into a million pieces.

Flash forward to 2021. Mark and I were better than ever. One day, we’re like, you know what, if we get married we can probably save up on health insurance (I could be included in his health insurance, as his wife, and I was at that point without any health insurance at all). So I told my mom, “by the way mom, Mark and I are getting married for health insurance reasons”. My mom was over the moon and decided to plan the whole wedding. At first we wanted something small, but my mom went crazy and did something bigger than we planned (still small, because pandemic, but bigger than we wanted – there was an actual reception with my closest family and friends, back in my hometown). It was cute. Though I hate the pictures because I look so fat in my wedding dress. Being with Mark, I gained weight again, because he makes me feel loved me whether I’m thin or fat, and quite frankly fat is healthier for me. I still carry the harmful fatphobic feeling of inferiority from back when I was losing weight for James though.

2021 is when I should have graduated, but the truth is that when I had a crush on James, I fucked up a lot of my class schedule (remember how I dropped out of Mark’s class just to be able to spend time with James?) to make it work in favor of my obsession with him. And then the pandemic happened, which delayed my courses even more (we lost a whole semester there). So unfortunately, I only got to graduate last year, 2023, at the old age of 26 (awful, terrible, I hate it, I feel like shit for it, especially because it was my fault, my depression that kept me from college in 2015/2016, my sick obsessive crush that ruined my life in 2017/2018, and it was 2019 when I was able to start healing).

I’ve been married to Mark for 3 years now and it’s been THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I’ve never been healthier, physically and mentally, and I love him so much, and we have 2 cats, and I love my cats, and our little family and our little home.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t feel (and never have felt) for Mark what I felt for James. But I think this is a good thing in the end. I think it’s the reason why my relationship with Mark is so good and so healthy. Because what I felt for James was an illness, not love. And I love Mark for who he is as a human being, NOT as a teacher. James was my teacher crush through and through, it was always about his position, his authority, his praise, his reproach, his distance, his inaccessibility – never about his friendship. Because as much as I might want to fool myself sometimes, we never were friends, we were always teacher and teaching assistant.

I’m gonna end it on this note: last month (December 2023), I presented my final paper (a research paper every student has to present in order to get their diploma by my university). For the final paper, most of the professors in the department are present to watch you speak and present your research findings. So that was the last time I saw James – he was there to watch this semester’s graduating class present their papers. He watched me present mine. When I got up on stage, he was sitting directly in front of me, facing me in a way that made it almost hard for us not to stare at each other. I was deeply affected by his presence. I don’t even remember how my presentation went, I was so conscious of James being right there in front of me. When I finished, I was congratulated and complimented and praised by almost every professor in the department, they all had loved my research. All except one. James didn’t say a word to me. I didn’t say a word to him either. At a certain point we were pulled into the same circle of conversation, but we both kept quiet, let other people speak, looked away when our eyes met, and made sure to walk away in opposite directions as soon as possible. I have no idea why he’s being like this, whether he hates me for ghosting, whether he hates me for being with Mark, whether he just doesn’t care about me at all and never has. I just don’t know. I’ve been trying my hardest not to care too.

Anyway. This was a ride. If you made it this far, I LOVE YOU. I may need to go cry now.

[khepiari]

I don't like it when it's in our world, I think there is a One Piece school manga where the ages are either the same or not as high, but when you apply the canonical ages, Law working and Luffy still in school, I don't let to think that I have to call the police or the psychologist and this is my problem, I know, but as pirates Law and Luffy are more equal than in our world (it still scares me sometimes, canonically it is not a problem but there is fanfics where even about pirates this is shady), but I always think that the problem is not always the ship, but rather those who write or draw

Well, when it comes to fandom, this is my personal rule: canon is reference material for me.

“Age-gap” trope is not new, it has existed since the beginning of the fiction genre to be fair. Because people have been marrying/living/romancing between large gaps for time memorial in real-life. Yes, in most cases, it’s young women and older men because of societal beliefs; young women are considered as limited shelf-life goods while men in possession of money are a catch. Age-gap relationships until the advent of modern society benefited off vulnerable young women who had no money or social security.

Historically, age-gap has been extremely common in queer relationships, we have had huge age-gaps too as well, one famous couple being Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy; 30 years. I know fellow queer people in happy relationships where age-gap is over 15 years, and I know fellow heterosexual couples with two years age-gap in miserable marriages. Who gets to be happy in their relationship is relative to contextual environment.

But I am digressing. Coming back to my OTP

As you said, Law and Luffy become a problematic romance if they are placed in a modern setting like High School romance and not the canon timeline. For example, they are put in the context of where one is still in school and the other is a functional adult. Your concerns are valid, but my concern here is; who is this age-gap romance about two 2D fictional characters written on a fan-run website in a tiny slash pairing fandom hurting? Because as far as I know no one is being made to read these stories as part of their school/university literature curriculum. A reader is choosing to read these stories on their own will. Someone might sent you the link, and you can click on it, but you still have to press the consent button to read it, right?

Law and Luffy to me have been equal, since day one both in “canon” and in my fics. Because I have never seen their age-gap as a power dynamic story. I am the person who wrote My Little Husband, I think that story has every trope, problem and issue that people who hate the age-gap associate with. Even in that story, Luffy is an equal, and the active agent in his story. So yeah coming back to what you ended the ask with.

You said about LawLu ship “problem is not always the ship, but rather who writes or draws.” I will simply disagree here. My main reason is that every fic author/fan artist has the right to write/draw/think about their ship how they want. Who are we as consumers of these stories to say “This is bad” and “that is good?”

Yes, your feelings of dislike/ick are valid. That’s why you have been provided with the options of tags, warnings and basic fic ratings.

In my fics, I add the tags and mark the sex scenes out, and if it’s explicit topics or scenes, there are reminders in the text that a reader can skip certain parts. What more can we do to protect the reader’s comfort?

Hence.

I refuse to endorse the idea that the problem lies with the creator of the ship. Just because someone writes something that makes other people uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s “bad or wrong”. And just because something makes you comfortable because it aligns with your personal beliefs isn’t necessarily “good or correct”.

Engaging with fiction is a personal experience, so you have to curate what you are looking for. Do you want to be comfortable or do you want to be stirred with feelings? The choices are yours to make and you can indulge in all or none at all. Yet, no one has any right to call a fan creator, “You are the problem for creating something because it makes me feel uncomfortable.”

Will you like it? Let’s say— you go to a pot-luck party with a delicious tumbler of potato stew, and someone willingly tastes a spoonful/eats the entire bowl and then tells you right after that, “You are a bad person and cook as your potato stew made their mouth tingle because of the variation of spices you used for that person’s favourite vegetable?”

No, you won’t.

So my advice is simple: don’t interact with something that makes you uncomfortable and unhappy. Fandom is not the place to measure our morality.

The end.

[ladyhindsight]

I admit I was ignorant on the matter but now that I know more about Israel and its army, I can't help but see the similarities between them and the Shadowhunters/Nephilim. I always wondered how could CC hail a society of child soldiers that forces assimilation or violence on anyone that opposes them as heroes.

And her obsession with European features and how all characters of color are half white and change their last names (super common practice in Israel). They either assimilate to the European/Nephilim culture, or they're demonic beings that want to kill the heroes.

Sarah J Maas too, and her obsessions with imperialism = good! colonization = good!, if I grow bored of ruling I'll go on a colonization spree to bring culture to savage people! (Idk if you've read her books)

I'm jewish but I grew up in a mixed family (of ethnicities and religions) and my jewish mom is an atheist who taught me Zionism is a racist, fascist ideology so I always avoided Israel like the plague. I regret staying ignorant for so long and not educating myself sooner. Now that I have, I see works by Jewish authors in a different light. And it makes me nauseous 🤢

During the early years of the series publication Clare’s biases were especially well out there, pretty implicit in her writing. There was the mess with the “I think” post, her favoritism of specific appearances (that to this day apply!), the favoritism of the Nephilim in general—the whole character of Jace Herondale himself! It’s not at all unfounded idea that what you said could be true. The same themes certainly are present in her works.

(I haven’t read anything from Sarah J Maas, but I’ll take your word for it.)

The whole series pretty much—including the child soldiers—romanticizes war. The true and heavy losses are not focused on (Max, anyone?), are brushed aside if they do not serve the anguish of a main character, death in battle is trivial if it is either the nameless/minor characters or the bad guys dying. But it could be a more general problem with young adult literature as well, not excluding that.

It’s rather unfortunate for Clare’s actual and true fans that she remains silent. I haven’t seen or found any statement from her. One TikTok commenter said that they needed her “to be one of the good ones.” It’s sad that her supporters who pour their heart, love, time, and money (!!!) into her and her works have to teeter on the edge of uncertainty because she is saying nothing. Clever really, being silent as if trying to play both sides in order not to alienate or lose either side of her fan base (and I don’t even know what other people) as if people will forever be satisfied with not making a stand of any kind.

Clare is a New York Times best-selling author, multiple times over, she has a platform. She has the platform to amplify the voices in Gaza, to condemn the action of IDF, even as little as to show support for the innocent civilians suffering in inhumane conditions, but it seems there’s nothing. I obviously can’t say what she could be doing that is not public, but if you’re doing charity or giving aid to the people—a big if since what do I know what she really thinks or does—it’s still strange that you wouldn’t share that at all.

Don’t be too hard on yourself and shame yourself for not knowing sooner or not knowing better earlier. There’s ton of things around us—media most of all—that might affect the amount of information people even receive about this, or any issues around the world. A lot of people, including myself, learn more and more over time, and the point is learning and becoming more aware of the absolute tragedy and horror that is happening in Palestine and has been happening for decades already.

[sugarygxodness]

i know hobie age discourse is annoying and frustrating. i've been watching from the sidelines ever since atsv came out and tiktok is being absolutely insufferable about it. i've also seen the plethora of arguments from both sides about it. but i wanted to put in my two cents about hobie's age because it has been yelling for attention inside my heart and i need an outlet for it desperately.

so here is my official warning. ⚠️ if you don't want anything to do with the hobie age discourse, please ignore this post ⚠️ (i doubt anyone is going to see this post anyway)

first of all, i ship punkflower. i respect chaipunk as well, though i do not ship it. when i was watching atsv, it never occured to me that hobie would be older than the spidergang by any more than 2 years. so it boggles my mind that people left their theatre thinking hobie was any older than 19 years old??

second, as i've mentioned, i have seen the plethora of arguments coming from both sides. i have heard (incessantly) about the director talking about early concept hobie being 19/20 years old. i always always take early concepts with a grain of salt because that is what they are - early concepts. from the conception of the spiderverse trilogy, a lot of stuff can change. we know that even though early concept hobie was 19/20 years old, his age is now "up for interpretation". all of us were not in the writing room when they came up with hobie. none of us can say for sure what hobie's age is. so let's leave it at that - hobie's age is up for interpretation. i have also seen people talking about hobie being bitten at 16 years old in the comics and in the movies he says he has been spiderman for 3 years. quick maths - that makes hobie 19? well, maybe. it is also important to note that movie adaptations of comics very often leave out or change information. they do this all the time. they even did it with miles. in the comics, miles morales gets bitten at the age of 13. but in the movies, miles get bitten when he was a freshman in visions academy, 15 years old. if they changed that fact about miles from the comics to the movie adaptation, who's to say they did not do the exact same thing to hobie or any other character? using comic book canon to apply to movie canon is always iffy. across the mcu, there are many many comic details that get changed or left out for the movies. this is just something i want everyone to keep in mind.

third, this is my main point. i'm going to talk about hobie's age from a storytelling point of view. keep in mind, i am not a writer. i do not have any experience writing or making original characters. i just like overanalysing creative aspects of media that i consume and i also briefly studied literature in school. if there is anything you would like to counter about my upcoming argument or add to it, i would love to see it.

from a storytelling point of view, hobie being old than 18 years old makes absolutely NO sense. if we look at miles' conflict during atsv, his whole thing is that he feels betrayed by the adults in his life because all of them view him as this incapable clueless kid who needs to be protected. his parents, while being unaware of his identitiy as spiderman, are too protective of him and doubt everything that he does. while they eventually start to accept the idea of letting their child grow up, they only start doing so when miles is already stuck in another universe. the adults in the spider society betray miles too. miles, upon meeting more spiderpeople, probably thought that they would understand him more than his own parents could. however, the adults in spider society still look down on him and treat him like a child. this is especially evident in peter b, who constantly emphasises that miles "doesn't know any better". miles is 16 (in atsv) and while that IS technically a child, those rules don't really apply to spiderpeople. after all, though he is technically a child, he watched his uncle aaron die right in front of his eyes, he saved the multiverse, and he saves brooklyn from crime every single day. as unfortunate as it is, miles has had to grow up a lot faster than the average kid. miles views himself as an extremely capable spiderman, but it feels like nobody else agrees with him. that is miles' conflict throughout atsv.

so it makes no sense that miles feels constantly betrayed by the adults in his life, yet one of the members of the spidergang that he is surrounded with in atsv is an adult? the whole point is that he feels he cannot depend on the adults in the spider society, so therefore it makes sense that his closest allies (gwen, pav, hobie) would be teenagers. making hobie an adult completely throws this theme out of balance.

furthermore, i hear people say hobie holds a mentor role in miles' life. i disagree. peter b held a mentor role in itsv. this was when miles was newly bitten, had no idea how to use his new powers, and had just lost the only other spiderman he knew. in atsv, miles has grown very well into his role as spiderman. he developed his own spiderman techniques, learned how to use his venom shock and invisibility in an effective way, and successfully saves brooklyn from crime every day. this miles does not need a mentor. this miles feels betrayed by the people he thought he could trust. this miles needs allies. that is what hobie is to miles in atsv.

to me, the r/s between hobie and miles in atsv is very reminiscent of the r/s between a new transfer student in highschool and an upperclassman. imagine this - miles just moved to a new unfamiliar environment and is a transfer student in a highschool where he knows nobody. hobie spots him, somehow decides to help him out, and gives him the ultimate tour of the school. not the proper "this is the gymnasium, we hold our pep rallies here" tour that the student council body would give miles. nah, his tour is more like "this is the best place to smoke weed without getting caught. this bathroom is almost exclusively for hooking up. this teacher once called me out for plagiarism, so he sucks." then he pats miles on the shoulder and tells him that he's got his back. if anyone tried to give him shit, hobie will not hesitate to make their lives hell. this is how i interpret hobie and miles' r/s in atsv. he is not a mentor!!! miles is capable enough to be spiderman without a mentor!!!

lastly, this isn't exactly my place to talk about it, but i have heard a lot of black people talk about how a lot of people place harmful stereotyping and adultification on hobie. and the infuriating tendency for people to be against poc ships rather than white ships. and that is A LOT of food for thought. that's all :)

i ended up writing a lot more than i thought i would. clearly i care too much. oh well atsv brainrot era go brrr

[sheogayrath]

so imagine a child from a family just straddling the border of the aristocracy, juuuuust not-quite-there enough to instill every one of them with a deep sense of insecurity that drives them to aggressively flaunt what wealth they do have in extremely conspicuous ways. and he grows up with the parental dynamic of an upper class british family in the 1800s where you are raised by a rotating cast of nannies and speak to your parents like twice a year, in which they just keep giving you expensive gifts and paying for private lessons and shit in place of showing affection.

he attends a good school and does well for a time because he has a natural aptitude for rote memorization but immediately gives up when he can no longer excel in a subject by simply throwing his brain at it. he picks up hobbies and abandons them when he is not immediately skilled enough to earn him praise. he is really thirsty for praise. he does however show a genuine interest in art and literature that the adults in his life make no effort to kindle, nonetheless takes up sewing and enjoys it, writes poetry that he doesn't show anyone, et cetera

has a short phase in which he actively tries to build a reputation for himself as an interesting and dangerous person who flouts the rules, and he is on some level aware that the juvenile delinquents he is hanging out with are only humoring him until they realize he is genuinely useful to have around: he is the most innocent-looking eloquent little tween and he's good at talking his way out of trouble, he pawns all of his old expensive stuff off on his friends, and he's weirdly good at quietly sneaking into places without getting caught. it also turns out that the manual dexterity needed for embroidery is transferable to lockpicking. he is the equivalent of a bored private school kid picking up shoplifting as a hobby.

when he grows up he begrudgingly lets go of this little phase and goes off and studies law, because it's what all the men in his family do, and finds he's actually pretty good at it. the most common criticism he receives is something along the lines of 'if he just APPLIED himself...' winds up with a good cushy legal job due in no small part to our good friend nepotism. he's perfectly competent but doesn't really care about his job; his real passion is in wheedling his way into upscale parties and and sucking up to whoever looks important, trying to climb the social ladder, you know. becomes known as a shitty person who is nonetheless really fun to go out drinking with. eventually a family emergency or somesuch compels his parents to move back to whatever city or country they originated from, which doesn't bother him too much because he was never very close with them, but it does begin to set in that he is in now in his late thirties and completely friendless. his days are punctuated by good food and wine and theater trips and impulse purchases and lots of unfulfilling casual sex. regarding the cushy legal job: of course he is completely unsympathetic to the plight of the common man, not exactly a good quality for a person in his position to have. he is casually bigoted in the way that someone who has never ventured outside of their social bubble or been forced to question their beliefs tends to be. utterly bored with the career that he has locked himself into, he starts turning a blind eye to corruption and generally making decisions based on what will generate the least friction for him. he gets sloppier about hiding his motivations until finally he accepts a bribe and makes a completely unfair ruling that actively endangers a marginalized group of people, and said group of people murder him. and that guy was His Honour Magistrate Astarion Ancunin. ok thank you for listening

[finnlongman]

What’s it like working in academia? I’m in undergrad right now and still trying to figure out… like… *gestures to the whole “life” thing* and I’ve really considered going into academia (maybe with a focus on medieval literature), but I’m not sure how to know if that’s really the path for me. I’ve tried to look into what academic spaces are like, but a lot of what I’ve seen is extremely vague and cynical. It feels like everyone is trying to convince me it’s a terrible choice for a career but without actually explaining what it entails in the first place.

I don't know how well I can answer this, because I don't technically work in academia – I'm about to start a PhD, which is funded and therefore kind of counts as a job, but I haven't started yet, and I haven't had an academic job before. Being an independent scholar is a great way to do research without other obligations, but unfortunately there's zero money in it, so I can't really recommend that 😅

I think one of the things that makes academia tough as a career is the lack of stable jobs, particularly in humanities (and particularly in medieval studies). There are a lot of short term, precarious contracts and a lot of people end up moving cities or even countries every year or every couple of years early in their careers, taking whatever jobs they can get. This is one of the reasons I don't think I would go into academia as a job myself; with my chronic illnesses, I need continuity of healthcare and I have moved too much in my adult life already, so I don't want to trap myself into that cycle.

In small fields particularly, it can seem like the only way to get a job is if somebody dies (or retires), and then everyone you know in that field will also be applying for the same job, so you're up against all your friends. That can be a bit of a weird vibe, I think! And when those early jobs are quite unstable and short-term and not very well paid, it can be difficult to feel like the years of study and the mountain of student debt are worthwhile, so people at this stage are often cynical and desperately warning others away from following in their footsteps.

But that doesn't mean there's no path to having a career in academia. And there are also lots of ways to do research, or teaching, without being an academic, so if that's what you want to do, I wouldn't automatically give up. Just be aware that many early career researchers are overworked, underpaid, and have moved house three times in two years and that's the cause of their dead-eyed looks...

That's probably the end of my knowledge of academic employment, since most of my friends are at the job-hunting stage or just starting postdocs and therefore I don't really know what happens after that because I haven't seen it first-hand.

I have however worked in universities, specifically in university libraries, so I have a bit of insight into how they work from the point of view of support staff. Mostly: bureaucracy. So much bureaucracy. I would say Cambridge is probably worse for this than many other places, because it is actually thirty one legally independent universities in a trenchcoat, but I get the impression all universities are fond of over complicated everything behind the scenes, and I think many people find that frustrating.

Universities are not fast paced institutions, behind the scenes: everything takes a long time to change, filtering through committees and focus groups and strategic plans and quarterly meetings. The older the university, I suspect, the slower it moves. If you like immediacy and responsiveness in an institution, academia may not be the way to go. If you like filling in a lot of forms about everything, on the other hand, well...

But I should also add, from my own experience: working in an academic library, while also not well paid, is a great way to maintain access to research materials and niche books if you want to take the independent scholar route 👀 And really gives you an insight into all the invisible labour behind every reading list, scanned document, or online resource that the academics themselves rely on for teaching.

Anyway, this was long and not very useful, but I think it's okay not to know where you're going with life yet. I took two years out after undergrad before I did an MA, having been determined that I was absolutely leaving academia for ever (lol), and then two years between MA and PhD, and I still don't know what I'll do after the PhD, but I'm not rushing it. Degrees are about transferrable skills as much as about specific knowledge, and there are lots of ways you can use them outside of academia or in adjacent paths, but crucially: you can come back. You don't have to do postgrad straight away if you're not sure whether you want to. Take a year! Take five years! Get a bunch of other jobs! Try things out!

And also, whatever plans you make, I advise you to build in some flexibility, because honestly, it feels like every other week some uni is cutting their small subjects or downsizing departments 🫤 I'm not saying it's getting harder to find academic jobs in medieval studies, but it's not getting easier at the moment, and it's worth being aware of that. If there were more jobs, and more stable jobs, I think you would encounter fewer cynics; it's the competitive instability that undermines people's joy in research and teaching.

[marxonculture]

On Epic Fantasy, Gender, Changes in Belief and Samantha Shannon’s The Priory of the Orange Tree

Ordinarily I don't write about books here, but I had something I wanted to get out about what I've been reading lately, so here goes...

I’ve always maintained that high fantasy is something in which I have very little interest. While friends and family have raved about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones over the years, I’ve felt a great disconnect from those stories and worlds, and I always assumed that it was the genre itself at the root of the problem. Meanwhile, I was raving separately about the immense creative achievement of The Matrix (all of them, not just the original film), which is (if I’m being honest with myself) high fantasy wearing the skin of science fiction. Chosen one narratives, prophecy, fantastical creatures, magic systems, and a great battle to determine the fate of humanity are the makeup of The Matrix, just as they would be any other work of high fantasy.

I learned the hard way during my undergraduate degree and subsequent three years as a post-graduate student that reading for pleasure can very easily fall by the wayside when you have to read so much for work – the act of reading itself becomes a massive chore. So, when I left academia and started getting back into reading for pleasure in a habitual way, part of the journey for me was discovering my taste in literature as an adult, which meant giving fantasy another try.

The discoveries I’ve made since getting back on the horse have been a mixed bag – some expected and some very much unexpected. Among those realisations was the fact that fantasy as a genre is not as immediately repulsive to me as I thought; what is repulsive to me, on vibes alone, is fantasy written by men. It turns out that my lifelong struggle with masculinity (I’ve only recently begun coming out to myself and others as non-binary - I use he/they pronouns) applies to literature, too. Surprise, surprise, The Matrix’s exploration of gender identity and transness was more relatable to me than the aggressive hyper-masculinity of Game of Thrones and to a lesser extent Lord of the Rings (yes I know the consensus is that LotR is very gay, but it’s also very male). So, while in search of something to read on my local library’s eBook lending service, I decided to give Samantha Shannon’s epic fantasy novel, The Priory of the Orange Tree, a shot, and I’m so very glad that I did.

TPotOT has been misleadingly described by some as ‘feminist Game of Thrones’. And, while I can see where those people are coming from, this work feels like its own entirely distinct thing. Rather than plunging into the darkest, grimmest depths of humanity’s worst moral failings, as George R.R. Martin does almost fetishistically, Shannon uses her beautifully engrossing fantasy world to explore the necessity of trust and cooperation with those whom one’s belief system might deem unacceptable, in order to confront something that threatens everybody. This is less an allegory for climate change, and more an allegory about dogma.

The world of this Roots of Chaos series is built upon a series of conflicting, yet paradoxically overlapping, paper-thin religious belief systems. These systems hold the societies of Shannon’s four, wonderfully drawn POV characters together, and what makes the narrative of this gargantuan book so captivating, is the necessity of these characters coming to terms with the elements of their belief systems that have been falsely constructed in order to serve an agenda. This isn’t a didactic story about one morality system being superior to another, but rather one of learning to find common ground with those who believe differently to you, accepting truths when you are confronted with them, and having enough faith in humanity to trust that society won’t collapse as a result.

The Priory of the Orange Tree isn’t the only book in this series (Shannon has since published a prequel entitled A Day of Fallen Night), but it does function as a standalone story with a definitive ending. That being said, Shannon smartly chooses to end her story at the conclusion of its central conflict – the battle with a terrifying, all-powerful dragon called The Nameless One – rather than spending extra time exploring the aftermath. We don’t know whether the colossal revelations poised to shatter this world’s religions will lead to societal collapse, or whether the characters’ faith in humanity is justified. Anyone who knows me is aware of how I feel about certainty in narrative storytelling. Asking questions is much more interesting than answering them.

Ultimately, The Priory of the Orange Tree is a story that leads (and ends) with its characters. The book is deeply concerned with the repercussions of its plot on its intricately detailed world, but it is more focused on the way these characters grow and change when confronted with undeniable truths. Eadaz uq-Nāra is up there with my very favourite protagonists, and her journey and relationships are rapturously entertaining and moving. Shannon clearly adores her characters, which makes it so very easy for us as readers to fall in love with them, too.

I’m so glad to have found this book. TPotOT, along with Becky Chambers’ miraculous space opera, The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, have been genuine reassurances to me as I come to terms with who I am as an adult, both in my tastes as a reader, and more fundamentally in myself and my identity. In short: genre fiction written by queer women is good for you.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Josh Parry

Published: Mar 12, 2024

Children will no longer routinely be prescribed puberty blockers at gender identity clinics, NHS England has confirmed.

The decision comes after a review found there was "not enough evidence" they are safe or effective.

Puberty blockers, which pause the physical changes of puberty, will now only be available as part of research.

It comes weeks before an independent review into gender identity services in England is due to be published.

An interim report from the review, published in 2022 by Dr Hilary Cass, had earlier found there were "gaps in evidence" around the drugs and called for a transformation in the model of care for children with gender-related distress.

Dr Cass's review follows a sharp rise in referrals to the Gender Identity Development Service (Gids), run by the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, which saw an increase from 250 per year to over 5,000 in 2022.

Puberty supressing hormones - more commonly known as puberty blockers - work by suppressing the release of hormones that cause puberty and are often prescribed to children questioning their gender as a way of stopping physical changes such as breast development or facial hair.

Fewer than 100 young people in England are currently prescribed puberty blockers by the NHS. They will all able to continue their treatment.

NHS England held a public consultation on their usage and last year introduced an interim policy which stated they should only be given as part of research trials or in "exceptional circumstances".

The BBC understands that the new policy, confirmed on Tuesday, will not allow them to be prescribed "routinely" outside of a research trial, but that individual clinicians can still apply to have the drugs funded for patients on a case-by-case basis.

Gids is due to close at the end of March. Two new NHS services due in London and Liverpool are set to open at the beginning of April, followed by a number of regional specialist centres over the next two years.

Health Minister Maria Caulfield said: "We have always been clear that children's safety and wellbeing is paramount, so we welcome this landmark decision by the NHS.

"Ending the routine prescription of puberty blockers will help ensure that care is based on evidence, expert clinical opinion and is in the best interests of the child."

The consultation on the future of gender services received more than 4,000 responses, including 10% from trans adults and 5% from clinicians.

John Stewart, national director of specialised commissioning at NHS England, said: "Given that the debate is often very polarised, so too were the responses to the consultation.

"Many people said the policy didn't go far enough in terms of still allowing potential access [to puberty blockers] through research, and others saying clearly they disagreed fundamentally and that these should be routinely available to everyone who believes they need it."

The BBC understands NHS England aims to begin its study into the use of puberty blockers by December 2024, and is yet to decide who can take part.

--

https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/psh-clinical-panel-report.pdf

NICE previously completed an evidence review on this subject in 2020 which included nine observational studies. The quality of evidence for the identified critical outcomes for decision making – gender dysphoria, mental health – was assessed at the time as very low certainty. There was no statistically significant difference in measurements compared with baseline. No evidence was found for quality of life. The quality of evidence reported for important outcomes was also assessed as very low certainty. Surveillance of published literature, using the original PICO and bibliographic search strategies, has been undertaken to identify any relevant studies published since the NICE 2020 review. This assessment was presented to Panel members.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/evidence-review-gnrh-analogues-october-2020.pdf

The results of the studies that reported impact on the critical outcomes of gender dysphoria and mental health (depression, anger and anxiety), and the important outcomes of body image and psychosocial impact (global and psychosocial functioning), in children and adolescents with gender dysphoria are of very low certainty using modified GRADE. They suggest little change with GnRH analogues from baseline to follow-up.

Studies that found differences in outcomes could represent changes that are either of questionable clinical value, or the studies themselves are not reliable and changes could be due to confounding, bias or chance. It is plausible, however, that a lack of difference in scores from baseline to follow-up is the effect of GnRH analogues in children and adolescents with gender dysphoria, in whom the development of secondary sexual characteristics might be expected to be associated with an increased impact on gender dysphoria, depression, anxiety, anger and distress over time without treatment. The study by de Vries et al. 2011 reported statistically significant reductions in the Child Behaviour Checklist (CBCL) and Youth Self-Report (YSR) scores from baseline to follow up, which include measures of distress. As the aim of GnRH analogues is to reduce distress caused by the development of secondary sexual characteristics, this may be an important finding. However, as the studies all lack appropriate controls who were not receiving GnRH analogues, any positive changes could be a regression to mean.

The results of the studies that reported bone density outcomes suggest that GnRH analogues may reduce the expected increase in bone density (which is expected during puberty). However, as the studies themselves are not reliable, the results could be due to confounding, bias or chance. While controlled trials may not be possible, comparative studies are needed to understand this association and whether the effects of GnRH analogues on bone density are seen after they are stopped. All the studies that reported safety outcomes provided very low certainty evidence.

==

I just want to pull out a note from the evidence review. Towards the end of the document, they detail all the studies that were excluded and the reason why. For example, one study was excluded because it only included adults, and the review was looking for safety and efficacy when applied to minors during puberty.

A study from known fraud Jack Turban was itemized. The reason it was excluded? "Intervention - data for GnRH analogues not reported separately from other interventions"

That is, they claimed an improvement but didn't bother to figure out what caused the improvement, as study subjects received multiple interventions (treatments) including therapy. Gender cultists all over Twitter, especially Eric "Erin" Reed, cite this study in support of blockers despite the fact it can't conclude what it claims to conclude. Classic fraudulent Jack.

[astronnova]

Okay but I wouldn't purely blame LMK for the flanderization of Tripitaka. All the flanderized depictions in fan works I've seen are from people who actually read the book and made fan art of the original source. And both versions of Trip develop into better people, anyways. Also, it's a little hurtful to say that most people don't analyze what they read, no? Granted, it's a kids show so much of the fanbase are minors, but like...kids will be kids.

my bad that it came across as hurtful! thats not my intention, i meant it as more of an objective viewpoint on something that's become widespread online and irl then just an insult to people.

unfortunately, a lot of people within the uhhh lets say 15-early 20s range dont... dive as deep into literature as they should. you ever heard of that one meme about "the door is blue because the author liked the color blue" ?

this is just one of many, and you couldnt go anywhere online without seeing somebody make this kind of joke. schools dont even really teach deep analysis of literature recently (i should know, ive been in multiple english lit classes and most of them don't dive as deep as you could and should. the only one that does that is with my most recent professor), and this stuff happens in highschool. yknow, during students most formative years of learnin stuff.

kids shouldnt just get a free pass on choosing to ignore the main point of a piece of literature because "kids will be kids". literature is the backbone of critical thinking, most people develop that skill through reading, and stories have a greater purpose, especially classical ones, than just "heres a show that provides constant stimulation with no reason".

i probably sound a little crazy or something, and im not articulating this as well as i could due to me taking *checks notes* two melatonin like 30 minutes ago BUT anyway tldr for that section is that a lot of people just dont dive deep into literature and its true meaning. a lot of folks like only looking at the surface level bits because its so much easier and simplier than writing an 1000 word essay about the importance of a certain theme within a piece of classical literature or something

steering this back to monkie kid,

the thing i explained above i think is one of the sources as to tripitaka, and sun wukong's, flanderization within the monkie kid fandom. instead of looking at the characters with the original intent of the religious text, its looked at as more of a "well he did X so he's a bad person". its too literal for a religious allegory. trying to apply strict "real world black & white morals" onto characters like this just wont work and will end with every character from the original jttw with the label of "bad person".

i could go onto a whole rant about how the recent decline of deep analysis of literature is the reason so many people seem to prefer "childrens cartoons" (because of the easier to understand morality/lessons) over, say, classical work or hell even some modern classics. this isnt an insult towards ppl that like "kids cartoons" btw, like look at my whole blog its just about cartoons LOL . i think theres more than just that one reason as to why people, at least online, gravitate towards childrens cartoons (likely because theyre more fantastical rather than trying to cater towards "adult gritty realism" and are animated, which is hard to find nowadays with all this "live action remake" junk), but i do think its one reason.

again, my bad if i sound like an ass or something or if i dont make sense, its like 12 am and i shouldve been asleep like an hour ago but im easily distracted LOLOL . but yeah, i think the source of the flanderization is just people misunderstanding the point of the original text and trying to apply modern storytelling conventions to something thats meant to be a big ass metaphor for enlightenment

[ninjahiccups]

Hi there! I saw in one of Songbird of Asgard's chapters that you headcanon Heimdall as demi - do you have any other Heimdall headcanons you would like to share with us? Sincerely, a definitely-not-Heimdall-content-starved anon.

I have a few, though I don't want to share some of them just yet since they would give away things that happen in SoA later on.

-Like I said, I hc Heimdall as demi. Gender identity really doesn't matter to him so long as he can tolerate someone and trust them enough to accept them (which is the real hard part lol)

-Heimdall is a little shit, that much we know. I like to think that applies to people he's close to as well, but in a different way. He'll give them sass and do annoying things to them just for the fun of it. Short? He puts things on the top shelf just to watch them go crazy looking for it, then casually reveal that he moved it after they've lost their mind just to watch them blow up. Have a pet peeve? You better believe he's doing the exact thing that pisses them off every chance he gets. Neat freak? He will 100% walk into their space and fuck it up. If they're someone who will push his buttons right back at him for revenge it turns into a never-ending war of pranks and sass and just messing with each other, and he's too prideful not to have the last laugh.

-Speaking of caring, Heimdall is an all or nothing kinda person, so if he cares, he goes all out. He'll be a selfish, snobby prick to everyone else, expecting them to meet his needs and expectations because they aren't worthy of his time and effort. But if someone's earns his trust and becomes important to him, he will do anything for them. There are limits to how far he'll go depending on the circumstances, but he is devoted to the people he values.

-The same can't really be said for animals, unfortunately. Yes, he respects them, but in the end he sees them as tools that can outlive their usefulness, hence his reaction when Gulltoppr dies. T_T Though he could grow to care for an animal as well, but it would take a lot. It boils down to how he perceives external bonds, seeing them as valuable only if they benefit him (we can thank ol' Odin for that) and he has to get very, VERY close to people to let go of that idea be as devoted as I described above.

-I see him as being 6'0, 6'2ish max. I know Kratos is 6'4, and it looks like Heimdall isn't *too* much shorter than him? (This would make Eivor about 5'5 in SoA)

-Based on the God of War: Lore and Legends book, I'm guessing Heimdall is not too much older than Baldur? The book states Odin and Freya were married about 125 years before GoW 2018 and Baldur came along 5 years later. Freya clearly knows Heimdall, and considering she doesn't care for him at all makes me think she never saw him grow up (if she did I honestly think she would cut him some slack since she has a soft spot for children). That would mean Heimdall would have to be an adult by the time Freya came around, making him at least 135ish? BUT he still seems a lot younger than the other gods like Tyr and Thor based on appearance alone, so he can't be too much older. I hc he's 150ish, which is still very young compared to most other gods.

-My mans is touch-starved and you can't convince me otherwise. So force this man into a hug for god's sake, he just can't admit he needs it so someone has to take it into their own hands.

-He appreciates the arts. Literature, architecture, visual art, music, anything like that. He's just very picky about what he likes.

-I subscribe to the idea that his fate would have been different if just one person cared about him. He would have had one reason to trust someone other than Odin, and that could have changed his perspective completely. Odin likely never allowed that to happen specifically to keep Heimdall under his thumb.

-He does drink, but it's more of an Asgardian culture thing than a letting loose thing. He never gets drunk and has no desire to be.

-His favorite color is gold (shocking, I know).

-He had to learn how to control his foresight in his youngest years. It's always warned him about anything that's coming at him, but actually *reacting* to it in an efficient way was something he had to work on. He wouldn't have been able to catch arrows when he was a teenager, just duck out of the way of them. Of course, his mastery over this skill is part of what makes his ego so enormous.

-My dude is an indoors enjoyer. He very much likes neat environments, clean floors, organization. Outdoors is only nice in the short term, but ask this man to go camping? No way, bruh. You'd have to work to get him to sit on the ground, let alone SLEEP on it.

-Between Heimdall's snarkiness and Atreus's smart mouth, I see so much annoying sibling energy between them. If things had been different, Heimdall would have definitely been like a smartass, I'm-better-than-you older brother, and Atrues would have been the flat-out irritating, Nuh-uh-your-face-is-stupid younger brother. I will ride or die with the idea that the god of order and the god of mischief would piss each other off like brothers who beat each other up for fun. I may or may not plan to hint at this is SoA at some point ;)

(Side note, this blog DOES ***NOT*** support Heimtreus shipping. That last headcannon is strictly in a platonic and familial kind of way)

That's all I can think of right now, other than the ones that would give some things away is SoA. I hope you enjoyed that anon!!!

[apatheticcrossovers]

✨{Introduction}✨

Hello! You may know me from my other blogs. Well, i made a new one, cause I have no sense of impulse control, and I think he need more writing blogs specifically for crossover ships.

About Mod Apathetic

Just call me Mod Apathetic, or Apathetic!

I am an adult

I am a Fudanshi, Himedanshi, Profic, and Anti-hara!

Pangender probably, Any pronouns (no she/her)

My ao3 is ApatheticCrossovers, all requests and stuff will be archived over there!

I also plan on posting original fics here too!

My other blogs are @/Syrups-edit-corner (Edit requests), @/Syrups-fanfic-cafe (General requests), and @/Spookyscaryships (Edit/stim request blog run by both me and my friend)

If you aren't if I write for a certain fandom/topic, just ask please! I have anger issues and I will get extremely aggressive

WHAT I *WILL* DO:

Headcanons

Imagines/Oneshots

Crossover ships (Obviously)

Age gap ships (Including Minor/Minor age gaps, Adult/Adult Age gaps, and Minor/Adult age gaps)

Shipcest (Mainly headcanons cause, yaknow, crossover ships rarely have canon shipcest)

Alternate universes (Including "what if Character A was a canon character in Character B's universe" and Isekai type scenario's)

Yandere content

Ot3's (no more than 3 characters please!)

NSFW

WHAT I *WONT* DO:

Same Source/Series Ships (That included characters from two different games in the same series, and two different shows that take place in the same universe. This rule can be worked around if its an ot3 involving a character from a different source/series)

Satire/Joke ships (I have nothing against these types of ships, they just personally make me feel insecure about my own ships, since I take a lot of comfort in crossover ships /lh /gen.)

Things about active S/H (Things about recovering from S/H or brief mentions of it are fine!)

RPF/Stuff involving real people (Stuff like c!mcyt characters and musicals where the characters are based on real people are on thin ice /srs)

Drug Use/Abuse (Again, recovery is fine) [note: This rule does not and never while apply to weed. Weed is super cool /hj.]

Anything considered Unsanitary/generally gross (if you aren't sure if something would apply to this rule, please ask)

FANDOMS I'M IN:

Ace Attorney

Angels of Death

Animal Crossing

Afterl!fe (yes, even if the fandoms kinda dead)

Baldi’s Basics (+ mod/fangame characters)

Bendy and The Ink Machine

BFDI/BFB

Boyfriend to Death (Both 1 and 2)

Break In 1/2

Bugsnax

Cookie run (Both Ovenbreak and Kingdom)

Creepypasta

Danganronpa (all main games + UDG)

Deltarune

Doki Doki Literature Club

Doors (Roblox)

Eddsworld

Five Nights At Freddy’s series (+ Fangames)

Friday Night Funkin (+ Mods)

Happy Tree friends

Hazbin Hotel

Helluva Boss

Henry Stickmin Series

HLVRAI

Homestuck

Huniepop (both 1 and 2)

Identity V

Inanimate Insanity

Inscryption

Junji Ito

Madness Combat

Minecraft Storymode

Monster Prom

Mortal Combat

My Little Pony

MyStreet

Obey Me! Shall We Date

Object Terror

Okegom

OHSHC

Rainbow Friends (Roblox)

Roblox Myths

Riddle School

Saints Rows series

SCP Foundation

Smile For Me

Sonic Series

South Park

Sr Pelo’s Spooky Month

Steven Universe

Tankmen Series

Telltales TWD Games

The Backrooms

The Nightly Manor

Therapy With Dr. Albert Krueger

Undertale (+ Au’s)

Vincent: Secret of Myers

Welcome Home

Yandere Sim

Your Turn To Die

Zardy’s Field

And more that I currently can’t remember :p

FANDOMS I'M NOT IN BUT I AM FAMILIAR WITH ENOUGH TO WRITE FOR:

DC

Dream SMP (Characters, never the streamers)

Marvel

Genshin Impact

HFJONE

Pizza Tower

Sparklecare Hospital

Spiderverse

Super Danganronpa Another (1 & 2, mainly 2)

Twisted Wonderland

Probably more that I, again, can't remember.

CURRENT REQUESTS:

[Tumblr Inbox]

Hopeless Romantic Part 2 (Millie May x Amy Rose x Moxxie)

Barbatos [Obey Me] x Yuri [DDLC]

Beast Boy [Teen Titans] x Steven Universe [SU] SOulmate AU Headcanons

Vector [Sonic the Hedgehog] x Alphys [Undertale] NSFW

Hellborn Artic Owl!Rarity [MLP] x Stolas [Helluva boss]

Fischl [Genshin Impact] x Gundham Tanaka [Danganronpa] NSFW Headcanons

[Ao3 Inbox]

Yuri [DDLC] x Noelle Holidy [Deltarune]

Donut Joe [MLP] is accusing Soarin's [MLP] new boyfriend, Drago [Animal Crossing], of stealing from his shop, and Soarin doesn't know who to side with.

Glamrock Freddy [FNaF] x Audrey Belrose [Huniepop] NSFW

Golfball [BFDI] x Tennisball [BFDI] x Test Tube [II] Headcanons

Monika [DDLC] x Senpai [FNF]

Collin [Helluva Boss] x Lila [Spooky Month] Short Fic

That's all! Feel free to request stuff from me! I'm always looking for new crossover ships to write about! /gen