#apparently the wa boys even stop him from trying to drink if he ever feels pressured to

[somesunnyda-y]

Baby boy can't doesn't drink alcohol so they had to give him other stuff I love this team

[peachycoreroo]

angel | kuroo tetsurou

summary: the only thing that came to mind when you heard the word angel, was your crushes ex girlfriend. so what do you do when suddenly you’re the angel or how a book can bring two people together

pairing: college!kuroo tetsurou x fem!reader

genre: smut, a lotta plot tho, basically pwp

word count: 7.9k

warnings: dom!kuroo, fingering, oral fem! receiving, praise, both being extremly needy, it’s not really kinky, slight breeding kink tho, a few spanks, vaginal penetration

authors note: pls don’t even ask about the book thing, this entire thing is based of one of my dreams and i had no idea why the book appeared, but it did and i didn’t wanna leave it out soooo, ye<3 here’s a link to my masterlist

you sighed, as you continued typing your essay. maybe coming to the coffee shop was not the best idea you had, since it was friday and apparently every college student on campus decided it was coffee time after their lecture, but you didn’t expect it to be so overflown with people.

sitting at the far back, you realized that you were not going to get any work done with how loud everyone around you was being, so you just sat back and observed the people around you, while drinking the cheap coffee you ordered earlier. observing and analyzing the behavior of those around you always came natural to you. some guy watching his girlfriend as she was deciding what to order, even though she was taking way too long, with love. a friend group of a few pretty girls walking past a table full of sexist pigs who thought the only way to get their attention was by whistling after them as if they were dogs.  and your crush looking at you.

wait.

huh?

quickly averting your eyes back to your laptop, you could feel your heart rate pick up to an unnatural speed. pretending to suddenly be terribly busy with drinking coffee, a million thoughts ran through your head. you were quite positive that you’ve seen his girlfriend sitting right next to him, so why was he staring so intensely at you?

it’s not as if you never talked. kuroo tetsurou was easily the most interesting person you have ever had the pleasure of having intellectual conversations with. you were taking some business classes in your third semester, since you thought they would be of value for your future. that’s where you met him. kuroo sat next to you since the first day of the lecture but you were way too intimidated by his attractiveness to start the first real conversation beyond greetings, so when the opportunity had arisen, you snatched it right away.

after one of the lectures, he left his phone on the desk and since he was already gone, you took it and hurried after him. just as he was leaving through the huge main doors of your university, you caught up to him and grabbed his arm. embarrassingly, not being the most athletic made you look like a creep as kuroo directed his confused stare at your form, hunched over, breathing hard but still latching onto his arm.

“uh, hi? y/n, right?”, the tall boys’ confusion lightly seeped into his questioning tone as his eyes moved between you and the hand you used to hold him back from walking further.

taking one last deep breath, you forced yourself to stand up right and look into his eyes, but oh, what mistake that was. funnily enough, you never actually looked directly into his eyes, so you didn’t expect to suddenly have to divert all your focus on trying to keep the gasp, you wanted to let out, in your throat. in your memories, from the milliseconds you had the courage to look into his eyes when he greeted you, his eyes were brown but all at once you were confronted with the most beautiful hazel eyes you have ever seen.

as a consequence of having to put all your mental capacity on not gasping out loud or even worse, admitting how attractive he was, the words that came out of your mouth only furthered your embarrassment.

“you. phone. lecture. forgot”, you stumbled over your words as if that were your first attempt at communicating.

feeling your already hot face burn brighter as tetsurous confusion further solidified on his handsome face, you only hoped he thought the running was responsible for you looking like a sweaty mess.

you forced yourself to let out a short laugh as you broke eye contact to gain back your composure. “sorry, I didn’t expect the running to get to me that bad. maybe lev is right, I should try some aerobics with him”, starting to mumble towards the end, you shook your head. “anyway, you forgot your phone on the table in our lecture just now. i didn’t want to hold onto it till thursday and didn’t know where else to find you, so i ran after you. m’ sorry if I kinda freaked you out”, you quickly added while holding out his phone to him.

as you never really talked to the tall man before, your head snapped up to look at him when you heard his deep chuckle. was there something that’s not attractive about this man?

taking the phone from your hands, you were finally able to experience the first full sentence kuroo tetsurou ever directed at you. “well, thanks. i definitely didn’t wanna be without a phone two whole days, so i appreciate you running after me with such determination”, he remarked, as he observed how out of breath you still were, grinning.

“oh god, you know, never doing anything nice for you ever again sounds good right about now”, you groaned, lifting a hand in front of your face to stop him from studying your slightly damp face.

nothing on this green-blue-brown floating rock in space that is also known as the earth, could have prepared you for what you were witnessing next. with your mouth slightly ajar, you looked at tetsurou as he leaned over, clutching his stomach, while letting out the funniest laugh you have ever heard in your life.

in your mind, you saw a quick flash of a scene from ‘the lion king’, in which one of the hyenas was laughing exactly like that. you briefly wondered whether kuroo was influenced by that scene as a kid before you couldn’t keep your laugh in anymore after the initial shock subdued.

“my apologies, the situation was just way too perfect for me to not tease you. i’d be honored if you’d grace me with your kindness again, my highness”, he slightly bowed while, once again, flashing you that sly smirk that made you wanna punch and make out with him at the same time.

you tried to match his energy as best as you could with your head jumbled from the proximity to the man you have been sitting next to every tuesday and thursday from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m., but looking back at the interaction, you couldn’t wrap your head around tetsurou wanting to continue talking to you after that conversation.

“i’ll consider it, peasant.”

after that, you and your smart seatmate talked a lot more. you found out that he was majoring in sports management and minoring in chemistry even though it was so different from management, just because he liked it. lev, your best friend at college since the first day when he didn’t see you from his 6’5” point of view and knocked you over as you were looking at the menu in the very coffee shop you were currently sitting in, turned out to be one of kuroo’s old friends from high school. which let you to find out the most unfortunate information about kuroo tetsurou thus far.

as you were walking to your next lecture with the dark-haired man, lev joined in with a tall, blonde, and gorgeous woman by his side. you immediately recognized alisa, lev’s sister. even though the silver-haired boy was ginormous, he couldn’t hold his liquor very well, which resulted in you having to drag the giraffe of a human home after a party quite a few times. there, you met alisa.

wanting to go in for a hug with the beautiful blonde, you froze at once as you tried to process what you were seeing. tetsurou had an arm wrapped around her petite waist, the other one placed on her sharp jaw, as he softly pecked her lips.

lev excitedly started telling you about a new side job he got as a model and while you supported him with your whole heart and were genuinely proud of him for landing that job, you could only zero in on the sight in front of you. your eyes hyper focused on the way his large hands were gently grabbing her waist, your ears on the soft ‘how was your day?’ and flirty ‘better, now that you’re here’ exchanged.

putting on your best poker face and directing your attention to the excited titan beside you, your own reaction startled you. even more surprising was who you were jealous of. you did have a small crush on alisa at the start, who wouldn’t? she’s tall, beautiful, fun, loving, caring, alas she was way too similar to lev to develop a full-on crush on her. then, it dawned on you, that the one you were jealous of, was not tetsurou, but in fact, alisa.

of course, you thought your seatmate was attractive from the first moment you saw him, but how you managed to develop a crush on him without even realizing it, was beyond you. ugly, jealous thoughts made their way into your head about one of the most loveable people you met. those disgusting thoughts slithered their hands around your throat, trying to suffocate you and so you buried that small crush in the back of your mind.

after that encounter you kept your distance to the handsome male. it was better for you, your sanity and everyone involved. in no way were you ever going to go between a loving relationship because of your own selfish feelings.

for crying out loud, you didn’t even know kuroo that well while alisa was like a sister to you. however, you weren’t able to tune out the insecure voices in your head. of course, he liked tall, model-like women who resembled angels not only physically but also with their personality. who were you to compare yourself to her? not even you yourself liked who you were, so why would one of the most attractive guys you ever saw?

you deserved someone good, but alisa deserved the world, so you just wished that tetsurou was the best for her.

and while kuroo tetsurou was a lot of things, he wasn’t ignorant, so when you decided to sit down in another seat in the lecture a few times or made up some excuses as to why he couldn’t walk with you to your next seminar, he knew something was wrong.

which brings you back to right now, with you staring at your laptop, hoping that the boy you’ve been trying to avoid wouldn’t come over to check on you. alas, your luck was apparently all spent, because you could see a tall, dark figure drop themselves on the bench in front of you.

“y/n.”

at the low tone of his voice calling your name, you lifted your gaze from your laptop to look at the boy you were trying to stay clear of.

“hmm? oh, hey tetsurou. didn’t see you there.” bullshit, he thought.

“yeah, ’m here with alisa. just a quick break before she has her next lecture.” while saying that, kuroo focused on your expression, trying to gauge your emotions and maybe get a hint on why you were actively keeping him at arm’s length.

after taking a swift look in the direction the happy couple was sitting just a few minutes ago, you nodded and kept your eyes on your coffee.

“that’s nice, you should probably go back now though. don’t want you to waste precious date time”, you said cheerfully, but weren’t able to keep out the slightly bitter tone out of your voice. that’s exactly why you were trying to stay away from him. the sight of the merry couple only fueled your toxic thoughts about two people you cherished and even though you wished for them to be happy together, the insecurities deep inside you wouldn’t let you.

seeing the slight change in your voice and expression, kuroo cocked his head to the side. did he say the wrong thing?

“she’s already leaving, so i decided to catch up with you for a bit.”

fantastic.

“well,” you remarked while closing your laptop and starting to pack your things, “I also need to get going, was nice seeing you though.”

“i’ll walk you”, was in fact not what you wanted to hear. but the universe hated you for some reason. you looked back at him and waved your hand dismissingly, trying to speedily think of a reason why he couldn’t accompany you: “uh, you see, i, uh... i’m visiting my parents this weekend, so i’ll just take the train. ’m not going back to the dorms.”

even if kuroo would have been stupid and oblivious, which he was not, your hurried attempt at getting rid of him just confirmed all his suspicions. but the ex-captain wasn’t going to let you run away from him so easily.

“no problem, i’ll walk you to the train station. the field i practice volleyball in with lev and a few others is nearby. ‘was gonna head there anyway, let’s go.” this time, he didn’t let you enough time to object, so you were stuck grabbing your things and following him, regardless of what you wanted.

to your surprise, kuroo didn’t say a thing on the way to the train station. you expected him to force you into a whole debate about whether pluto was a planet or not, but he just stayed silent. was that a bit of your luck shining through, or was he angry?

not wanting to push your luck any longer, you stayed silent as well, as you waited for your train at the designated platform. guess you had to make a surprise visit to your hometown because of your little lie, but maybe that was exactly what you needed. some time away to clear your head.

but just as you got excited for the spontaneous trip, kuroo finally dropped what has been on his mind the whole walk or rather, the whole three weeks you’ve been running away from him as if he was on fire and you couldn’t wait to get away from him as far as possible.

“y/n. why are you avoiding me?”, he questioned, looking at the rails ahead, instead of you.

“w-what? i’m not, why would you think that?”, you quickly sputtered out, hardly able to convince yourself of your own lies.

tetsurou gave you a look of complete skepticism, quickly shutting down your protests. “don’t play dumb with me, ’m not stupid. i know you’re not sitting down way further in the back or running out of the lecture on accident. you’re doing this on purpose. even just a moment ago you didn’t want me to escort you. tell me why.”

luckily, the train arrived just on time, so you quickly hoped on with a fleeting 'see you next week' and hoped he would just assume you didn’t quite catch what he said because of the train.

he didn’t though. he knew that you heard him.

the short spontaneous weekend trip turned into you staying for almost two whole weeks because of a cold, so your mom wouldn’t let you return without someone taking care of you, not knowing you had some big news waiting for you once you got back.

“we broke up.”

wou were currently in the library after returning to campus, trying to catch up on some lectures you missed, when alisa entered. together, you were walking around the english literature section, catching up when she dropped the bomb.

“wait, what? how? when? why? huh? what did he do?”, you asked dumbfounded, feeling bad about your two friends, who were so clearly in love, breaking up. but even more than that, you could feel disgust creep up your spine because deep down you knew you were sickly happy about the fact that kuroo was now single. what a shit fucking friend you were.

“relax”, alisa chuckled. “he didn’t do anything, we just kinda came to the agreement that we don’t love each other the same anymore. i felt like he was always distracted the last weeks we were together, always deep in thought, and i decided to concentrate on my graduation and career as a model. it was a great college relationship and i still care for him, we just… we broke up about a week ago.”

“well, as long as you’re both happy with the decision”, you sighed while picking ‘pride and prejudice’ by jane austen from a bookshelf, not feeling like such a piece of shit for being lowkey happy about it anymore, but you still knew you two would never work. even if the breakup was mutually decided, tetsurou was still her ex.

hearing alisa giggle, you turned your gaze from the book in your hand and wondered: “huh? why are you laughing?” the tall blonde only grinned and continued her way down the aisle. completely confused, you followed her with the book still in hand.

“what the fuck? kinda acting sus not gonna lie.”

“wow, I thought you had better jokes than that y/n”, she teased, sitting down at a nearby table.

breathing out some air out of your nose in mock anger, you sat down beside her, tipping your non-existent fedora. “sorry i’m not up to your comedy standards, m’lady.”

alisa laughed loudly before noticing the book you were still holding, her laughter turning into a knowing grin. once again, you shot her a confused look: “what is it with you today? your mood swings are confusing the shit outta me.”

“you know, that’s like one of tetsu’s favorite books.”

“what? 'pride and prejudice'?”, you inquired, puzzled. why was she telling you this? “are you like, having some post-breakup nostalgia or?”

she laughed once again, waving her manicured hand dismissingly and shaking her head: “it just kinda popped into my head. i never read it, but he once wanted to read it to me. it did not end well; i couldn’t take it seriously and had to laugh the whole time. he just gave up and sulked for the rest of the evening.”

“yep, definitely pbn”. the girl shoved your shoulder slightly while snickering before taking out her laptop and working on something, leaving you alone with your conflicted thoughts.

as fate would have it, you didn’t really talk to kuroo for the last two weeks of lectures. finals were catching up and you had a lot of exams, leaving you with no time to catch up with the tall boy. plus, you were still trying to avoid him. you weren’t about to give into temptation and try your luck with alisa’s ex, which was much easier if said temptation didn’t walk around looking fine directly in front of you.

but with the weekend starting, you agreed to go to a party with the haiba siblings to treat yourself to a break from typing essay after essay. it was obvious that kuroo would also be there and this time, you wouldn’t be able to avoid him. the running had finally caught up to you.

before the party, you decided to go to the library to work on one of your essays, but with how much work there was left, you simply forgot the time. at 10 p.m., your phone rang.

“hello?”

“girl? why aren’t you here yet? and why aren’t you answering our messages? we texted you like a million times”, levs’ questioning voice echoed through the speaker.

quickly checking the time and number of messages you got, you gasped: “oh god, so sorry! i was at the library working on my shitty marketing essay! ’m gonna be right there!”

ending the phone call, you quickly gathered your things and rushed to your dorms. stripping on the way to the bathroom in your one room apartment, you hopped into the shower, feeling as if you were trying to break the world record for the fastest shower known to men.

as you were stepping out of the shower a few minutes later, someone knocked at your door, startling you. did the haiba siblings come to pick you up? with a hasty ‘’m coming’, you hurried to the door in only a towel.

“hey, I just got out of the shower, I just need…” faltering in your sentence, you gripped your towel tighter, trying not to freak out. because there were no alisa and lev in sight. just kuroo tetsurou. while you were standing there. with only a towel on. fuck. “that’s uh… you’re not alisa and lev.”

“er… n-no, no i’m not”, kuroo stuttered out, at least having the decency to avert his eyes to the ceiling, realizing what you had or rather had not on after checking you out. collecting your composure, you shot him a tight-lipped smile and stepped aside to let him in.

“come in, I just need to get dressed and do my makeup. you can wait inside.”

walking past you, the dark-haired man pretended to scratch his head to hide his red ears and quickly surveyed your room. “that’s…”, breaking off his sentence instantly when his voice cracked, he cleared his throat before trying again. “nice room.”

while kuroo tried not to have a mental breakdown and remember what he came here for, you picked up your disregarded clothes from earlier of the floor, being mindful of not to flash the man, and made your way to your wardrobe, chucking in your dirty laundry and scanning your variety of clothes to pick out the most flattering outfit for the party. “uh, yeah, thanks. so, uh, what did you want? ee would’ve seen each other at the party later anyway.”

but there was no answer, making you frown. just as you wanted to turn around, calling his name in confusion, you felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around your waist loosely, causing you to choke out his name.

kuroo leaned his head down towards your neck, slowly inhaling the scent of your strawberry bodywash before sighing contently. his soft, plump lips slowly trailed up to your ear, creating goosebumps on their way, before lowly murmuring: “you smell delicious. i could eat you up.”

you could feel yourself shiver at the low timbre of his voice and the indication of his words, as your heart rate picked up to the point you had the feeling as though you were going to die right then and there. how did his demeanor change so suddenly? it seemed as if you were in a room with a completely different person.

the ex-captain smugly grinned as he felt your breath quicken and chest heave without him even doing much, tightening one arm around your waist, while his large hand on the other arm splayed itself on your stomach, slowly sliding down towards where you wanted him. “hm? can I do that baby?”

just as quickly as the thoughts of ‘stop, this is so wrong. what about alisa?’ appeared in your mind, they immediately disappeared with the sweet melody of kuroo calling you baby.

not being able to keep a little whine from slipping out at the pet name, you nodded, your cheeks unbearably hot. but that wasn’t enough for him. tetsurou wanted your verbal consent, even if his half-hard cock already slightly twitched at the small noise you let out without him even touching you properly, screaming at him to finally fuck you.

avoiding the area, you wanted him to touch the most, his hand grabbed your thigh, causing you to squeeze your legs together in search of relief. he tsked at your lack of words and lightly spanked your thigh before tightening his grip around the fat, earning him a surprised squeak from you. “no, use your big girl words baby. i want to hear it.”

the instant tetsurou startled you with the spank, you hurriedly grabbed onto his forearms, lightly digging your nails into the muscles. already, everything was getting too much. his smooth voice seducing you, his dominant touch jumbling up your brain, his urgent need to hear your consent, his pleasant scent of a mix of his cologne, mint and husk surrounding you. him, him, him. you wanted more. you needed more. the slick between your legs grew embarrassingly fast, smearing on the inside of your thighs, showing off kuroo’s effect on you evidently.

“please… please touch me tetsu', I need it”, you whimpered out impatiently, making him close his eyes to stop himself from cumming already, your needy voice going straight to his dick standing at full attention. and even though the menace in him wanted to tease you and hear you beg more; he knew that he didn’t have the willpower to deny himself of having you any longer.

as you felt the tall male finally place his hand underneath your towel and cup your pussy, your head rolled back onto his shoulder, giving him full access to your neck. while dragging his middle and index finger through your folds leisurely, his lips and tongue placed hungry kisses on your neck.

“fuck, angel, you’re soaking wet. Is that all because of me, hmm?”, he lowly murmured against your neck, while his fingers simultaneously slowly circled your clit. you couldn’t stop your eyes from lolling to the back of your head or the small whimper that left you, even though the ‘angel’ left a bitter taste in your mouth. as much as the pet name made your stomach all tingly, you always compared alisa to an angel, so it didn’t quite sit well to be called that by her own ex.

but as you felt his middle finger enter you, all thoughts flew out of your head. The only thing on your mind were the raspy praises against your neck and his finger moving at a torturous pace inside you.

“please tetsu', more, I need more”, you complained whiny, because as much as it was all overwhelming, it also wasn’t enough. kuroo could only grin at your eagerness, but couldn’t blame you, since his own patience was speedily wearing thin.

with an uttered ‘everything for you angel’, he added his index finger into the mix, curling the two digits and, not wasting a moment, pumping them into you at a rapid pace, eliciting a quiet moan out of you. the ex-captain noted that you weren’t much of a moaner and mentally made it a challenge to have you crying for him by the end of the night. so, without much warning, his long, thick fingers started hammering against your g-spot while his thumb circled your clit at the same time, making you squeeze your eyes shut with your mouth opening in a silent scream, your hands searching for stability on the closet in front of you.

“c’mon, y/n, baby, i know you want it, fucking give it to me. ‘been fantasizing about this so long, just wanna make you feel good and fall apart for me. show me how much of a good girl you are.” his smooth voice flowed into your ear, seducing you to fully give into him. you felt as if you were being lured by satan himself and you were just a weak little human, not nearly strong enough to resist the whisper of the devil.

with a series of soft, high-pitched moans, you came on his fingers without any warning, your legs giving out at the intensity of it all. tetsurou only tightened his arm around your waist, picking you up without any trouble, making you clench around nothing at his display of effortless strength as he withdrew his fingers from your dripping hole. you thought you heard a small ‘good girl’, but you couldn’t tell for sure with the way you were still floating on cloud nine after he brought you to your orgasm that quickly.

panting and shivering at the goosebumps erupting, you lifted your gaze up at him as he placed you on your bed, only to find him already staring at you with low lids and completely black eyes, the beautiful hazel color of his eyes lost in all the lust and desire that took over his expression.

refusing to break eye-contact, kuroo lifted his with your essence-soaked fingers to his plush lips, wrapping them around the digits and sucking lewdly at them. once again, you felt yourself clench around nothing, rubbing your thighs against each other to get some relief, when you saw his eyes roll back as he tasted you.

the next thing you knew, your back hit the bed with the broad man lying between your spread legs, making you yelp. you could feel the atmosphere around tetsurou change once again. he was a lot more feral than he was before, as if his patience were running out.

his biceps wrapped around your plush thighs, holding you in place since the feeling of his breath against your cunt made your hips twitch up at their own accord, exposing the strong want you had for the man between your legs.

“’m gonna fucking wreck you angel”, he growled against your slit, before diving right in, licking and sucking messily at your clit, your pussy lips, everywhere he could reach. and as much as it shouldn’t feel pleasurable with him being as aggressive as he was, it felt fucking heavenly. you couldn’t help but arch your back, hands flying down to tangle in his messy rooster hair and tugging at the surprisingly soft strands, causing him to moan hoarsely against your sensitive pussy, the vibrations only egging you on. something about kuroo tetsurou losing his usual provocative, teasing demeanor as he ate you out felt so raw and animalistic, that it made your head spin and toes curl.

his large hand crept up your torso and he finally removed the towel that barely hid your breasts from him before palming one, drawing a content sigh out of you at the attention. but as much as he enjoyed listening to you whine and sigh because of the pleasure he was causing you, he wanted, no, needed to hear how much you wanted this, how much you wanted him.

“tell me how it feels angel, tell me how good it feels. ‘wanna hear your pretty voice, baby”, he huskily mumbled against your clit, making you arch your back at the delicious vibrations echoing through your core. but as much as you enjoyed hearing his dirty talk, you felt insecure about yours not turning him on.

preparing yourself mentally as good as you managed with the way he ate you out like a man starved, you allowed yourself a glance down only to see him expectantly observing you. the erotic sight only coaxed another high-pitched whine out of you, your head lolling back against your pillow.

at the next harsh suck on your sensitive bundle of nerves, your hips thrusted up against his skilled tongue and you finally gave in to your desire of wanting to tell him how good he was making you feel. only him.

“fuck, tetsu', d-don’t stop. feels so good, you feel so good, only you, please, please, please”, you needily moaned while grinding your hips up, simultaneously pushing his head deeper into your pussy and if kuroo had any self-control left, it was definitely gone now.

his toned biceps tightened around your thighs. his large hands squeezed your breast and hip harshly, leaving bruises for you to discover tomorrow. his able tongue messily switched between being shoved deep inside you and swirling your clit and you could feel the bed shake with how forceful he was humping the bed just from eating you out and hearing you talk like that. every little thing contributed to your orgasm washing over you like a tsunami. you were fairly sure you even blacked out for a few seconds because the next time you focused your attention back on tetsurou, he was frantically unbuttoning his jeans, with his shirt already off, whipping out his cock.

you felt your eyes widen as well as your pussy clench, you couldn’t remember the last time you were this horny, but you also weren’t sure how the fuck you were supposed to fit a cock this big and girthy inside you. meanwhile kuroo took off his boxers and contently sighed as he finally started stroking himself, giving himself some relief but it wasn’t enough. not by a long shot.

zoning in on your face once again - sweaty, low lidded eyes, blown out pupils- the impatient boy leaned down and kissed you for the first time that evening. after everything that just transpired between you two, the kiss definitely felt the most intimate, but it was also what you were craving the most from tetsurou for months now.

you didn’t know how to possibly express all the emotions you were currently overwhelmed with, so you tried to translate it all through the kiss. kissing back harder, all teeth and tongue, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer, pressing your thighs against his hips, hoping it was enough to convey what you wanted to say.

apparently, it was, because you could hear kuroo lowly growl against your lips before starting to dig his fingers into your hips and grind against you, finally letting you feel him where you needed him the most.

“n-not enough, tetsu'”, you eagerly whined, raising your hips, hoping it was enough to convince him to finally fuck you like you craved him to. but as thin as his patience was at the moment, kuroo tetsurou would not be kuroo tetsurou without his teasing antics.

he slyly grinned, pressing feather-light kisses down from your lips to your throat, making his way to your breasts, where he teasingly kitten-licked your nipples a few times, letting you think you were finally getting what you wanted before he raised his head and stared you down with his almost pitch-black eyes. “mmm, I know you can do better than that kitten”, he gruffly remarked while continuing to grind against you slowly, making you jerk and mewl every time you felt the head of his cock bump against your clit. “what do you want me to do, baby?”

how he still had it in him to tease and deny you, was beyond you, because you were on the edge of breaking down from how bad you wanted him. “’want you to fuck me, tetsu'”, you confidently said while gazing into his eyes, or at least, you tried to sound confident, but you were only able to whine and moan at this point.

kuroo closed his eyes and felt himself twitch against your pussy. you were going to be the death of him. sitting back up on his knees, he grabbed his cock and lined it up with your entrance, making you spread your legs automatically wider at the sight.

with one sharp snap of his hips, you both groaned simultaneously, your groan high-pitched, his low and guttural, at the feeling you’ve both been craving for. “fuck, you’re on birth control, right?”, he asked, straining himself as to not just start pounding you into oblivion or cum right on the spot.

“yes, shit”, you breathlessly answered, putting your hands against his toned abdomen as to let him know to wait, which only made him clench his abs at the feeling of your soft hands on his exposed skin. “j-just give me a sec, need a moment”, you murmured avoiding eye contact, suddenly shy at the fact that you were just lying there with kuroo balls deep inside you.

sensing your mood shift, the tall male grinned his cheshire-grin at you and teasingly remarked: “why? am i too big for you, huh?”, hoping it’d make you laugh and relax a bit, soon realizing that the idea completely back-fired on him.

as you started to laugh at his arrogant remark, hitting his abs slightly and telling him to shut up, your core clenched in-sync with your laughter, making you freeze at the sudden loud, almost pornographic moan escaping tetsurou’s lips.

looking up at him, you finally realized how much he was holding back as to not hurt you or make you uncomfortable. the handsome boys’ wild hair was already sticking to the sweat forming on his forehead, his jaw clenched painfully, nostrils flaring, eyebrows furrowed, biceps bulging with how hard he was gripping the sheets beside your hips to restrain himself. the thought of him wanting to fuck you so bad but holding back for your pleasure and well-being, was enough to make you clench down on him again, rolling your hips up against his and declaring: “’m ready, tetsu'. please, f-fuck me”.

with your words and the grinding of your hips, kuroo really couldn’t hold back the little stutter his hips did against yours but fuck, was he embarrassed by it. he felt like a teenager, touching real boobs for the first time all over again, knowing he wouldn’t last long. not with how long he had fantasized about this and with how you reacted to his every move and touch, squeezing him so tight, he felt like he wouldn’t even be able to move.

“’m gonna break you”, and with those final words, his large, veiny hands gripped your hips in a bruising, vice grip, pulling out so only his tip was inside your messy, drooling cunt, before snapping right back in, making you choke on your breath at the impact.

as much as kuroo wanted to bust inside you right then and there, the strong urge to see you lose yourself on his cock while he ruined every other man for you was much more prominent. so, the ex-captain rutted in your pussy like his life depended on it, wanting your moans and mewls and whines to never stop. there was so much that was running through his head while being empty at the same time. the only thought was to bring you both to earth-shattering orgasms, but he also wanted to spit in your mouth, choke you, spank your thighs and ass till you wouldn’t be able to sit tomorrow. he wanted to come on your thighs, your tits, face, but he also wanted to breed you.

you two were definitely way too young for children but he couldn’t get the mental image of you, stuffed with his cum with it running down your legs out of his mind, only making it harder for him not to cum immediately.

but you weren’t doing better either. the pace that kuroo was fucking you at, had you seeing stars, riding you up higher on the bed with every thrust and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. you gripped the sheets, his hands, his forearms, your breasts, anything, to try to stabilize yourself as you approached your high embarrassingly fast without your clit even being touched.

just as the thought crossed your mind, you felt tetsus’ calloused fingertips, from years of playing volleyball, circle your clit, causing you to throw your head back with your lips open in a silent scream.

“fuck, you’re so fucking tight kitten, so much better than i ever imagined. cum for me, wanna feel you cream on my fat cock, wanna see you lose your mind baby, give it to me”. at this point, he basically started rambling on about how hot and tight you were, how he wanted you to cum around his cock so badly, how you were gonna make him cum so hard, how you were making such a mess for him, what a good girl you were.

just as you felt yourself almost falling over the edge at the added stimulus to your clit and the filthy praises that were coming out of his mouth, you yanked the boy down by his arm, wrapping your arms around him firmly and kissing him so hard, you were sure you both would have bruised lips later.

with the new position and the intimacy of being pressed up against each other, one more thrust, and you were gone. cumming around his cock so hard, you couldn’t remember the last time someone made you cum that hard, if ever.

the pornographic moans of his name along with some ‘fuck’s and ‘so good’s, the jerking of your body against his and the vice-grip of your pussy on his dick as you came. it was all too much for the poor boy who didn’t even cum once the whole time, while you already had three orgasms under your belt. the last straw was your quiet, little ‘cum inside tetsu', want you to fill me up’ and so, a few short, sloppy thrusts later, kuroo buried his face in your neck, groaning loudly as he came inside, spurting hot, white cum against your abused walls.

the feeling of being filled up to the hilt by kuroo tetsurou was intoxicating. you whined, wrapping your legs around his hips, caging him in so he couldn’t pull out, not wanting the moment to end.

you both lied there, trying to catch your breath. as he pulled out after a few moments and got up to go grab a towel to clean you up, your hand caught his. “don’t go, where are you going?”, you whined needily, wanting to cuddle, to worn-out to care about the mess gushing out of your hole onto the bed sheets.

chuckling, the tall boy leaned down, kissing your forehead: “’m not going anywhere angel, I’m just gonna grab a towel and clean you up”. with that he retreated to the bathroom in search of a towel to use.

you, on the other hand, suddenly sobered up from your drunk-on-lust high at the pet name, making you realize what you just did. fuck, you just banged alisa’s ex-boyfriend. they weren’t even broken off for that long and you already betrayed her.

feeling like a bad friend and complete whore, you didn’t even register said ex-boyfriend was back, making you flinch at the sudden contact of your sensitive pussy with the wet, rough towel.

“relax baby, it’s just me”, he teasingly chuckled, while cleaning you up. when he didn’t hear you chuckle or bite back at his teasing, his expression morphed into a frown, lifting his gaze from your core to your face. “what’s wrong?”

“nothing, thanks.” but of course, you were lying. the panic that slowly settled in your chest was threatening to suffocate you. hell, you weren’t even able to look at him properly.

you felt kuroo grab your chin with his fingers gently, turning your head so you had to look at him. tetsurou was completely serious, he only hoped you weren’t regretting what just transpired between you two, as he repeated: “what’s. wrong?”, emphasizing those two words so you knew there was no point in lying.

feeling your eyes water up, you cursed yourself for showing weakness, since you weren’t one to cry often, especially in front of other people. “what are we going to tell alisa?”

that caught him off guard. “alisa?”, he repeated questioningly, as if he didn’t know what you meant. how could he not know? was he that stupid?

you sat up, rubbing at your eyes frantically with the rising anger inside your chest. “yeah, alisa. your ex. the one that’s like a sister to me. how am I supposed to look her in the eyes after what we just did?”

kuroo wasn’t stupid. you could vouch for that any day. you saw him in your lecture, and you had studied a lot with him, but right now, you were sure he was the dumbest person you ever knew, even beating lev. because even after explaining, he still only looked at you with a confused gaze, saying: “i don’t quite follow?”

groaning, you ran your hands through your hair in frustration, declaring: “you’re really smart, but you’re being so fucking dumb right now. how the fuck am I supposed to talk to one of my closest friends after I fucked her ex-boyfriend, who she loved by the way, not even that long after they broke up?”

finally, it clicked in kuroo’s brain. but the last thing you expected, was to hear him laugh. your head snapped up at the sound, glaring at him you almost growled: “what the fuck’s so funny, you fucking bedhead?”

“oh wow, throwing in the insults huh?”, he said between chuckles. “it’s funny because alisa was the one who encouraged me to come here tonight, though I don’t think she wanted us to outright fuck but, you know.”

what now?

“what do you mean she encouraged you to come here?”, you interrogated perplexed. suddenly he was acting all shy and sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck with his big hand, avoiding your eyes.

“well… we’re still friends, so we were talking about our lectures a week ago and she suddenly mentioned how you also were a fan of 'pride and rejudice'. i just… got kinda excited at that, since alisa wasn’t really interested in things like that, so i started asking her about it. she then called me out on my crush on you, saying she already knows why i was so distracted the weeks leading up to our break-up, thinking about you.”

while listening, your anger slowly morphed into nervousness at kuroo openly admitting he also had a crush on you, but you wanted him to finish his story before addressing the elephant in the room.

“i apologized immediately, thinking she was angry at me, but you know her. she was so sweet, saying she would only be happier if it worked out between us. after, she tried to set us up to talk to each other, but you avoided me like the plague, so she told me to come here before the party since you were running late, to confront you and settle it once and for all but uh…”, he sheepishly smiled, “i kinda got distracted when you opened the door in only a towel, so… that didn’t go as planned.”

sitting with your mouth agape in a ‘o’, your brain tried to process all the information, not knowing what to say to his confession and explanation.

“soooo… she’s not gonna hate me and cancel our friendship?”, you carefully pressed, just to be sure. “no, I don’t think she will”, he chortled.

“oh.”

with that, the room was suddenly extremely silent, making you and kuroo even more nervous. clearing his throat, he couldn’t take the silence anymore. “are you gonna give me an answer to my confession, or am I like, totally embarrassing myself right now?”

“uh, no, yeah”, you softly giggled at his obvious anxiousness. taking his face between your hands, you looked right into his hazel eyes in the dim lighting, before gently smiling at him.

“i like you too, nerd.”

bonus:

the next morning, you woke up to your phone aggressively vibrating on your nightstand beside your bed. you blindly reached out, picking up the call without even opening your eyes, clearly still half-asleep.

“hello?”, you groggily asked your caller, wondering who the fuck was calling you this early, when lev’s voice filled your ear. “y/n? hey, we we’re worried about you yesterday. why didn’t you show up? it was so much fun”, the big, over-grown baby whined.

looking down at the reason you weren’t able to attend the party sleeping soundly with his head on your chest, you smiled, carding your fingers softly through his raven-black hair.

“just… reasons”.

[arigatouiris]

i’ll remember you // kuroo tetsuroo (3/3)

Author’s Note: The last chapter! Ummm so I’m a bit worried about publishing on here... It’s a bit demotivating that I don’t hear from people anymore? I mean, I know that this is asking a lot but I’d really, really appreciate it if you guys would tell me if you liked this? I haven’t seen anything like it being written and thought it’d be cool to write it, so... Just drop in a comment or an ask and let me know your thoughts? I’d greatly appreciate it!

Word count: 4k+

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuroo x Reader [Kimi no Na Wa re-write]

Summary: Everything had been perfectly normal until you woke up as a volleyball captain from a school you didn’t go to, in a city you didn’t live in. Ever since then, Kuroo Tetsuroo has been inching closer and closer into your life, wrecking almost everything that could perhaps be considered normal.

However, you never realized how vital he was to you; because you were sure you would understand upon seeing him.The struggle however, was remembering each other. Because what good would it do if you went to saw him and he didn’t remember you?

Well, the universe turns back time, of course. Until he did.

Warnings: angst, body-swapping, bullying, fantasy, reader is depressed, mentions of suicide, character death, slow burn, bittersweet end, awkward boners, mentions of porn

ｃｈ． ０３ — ｒｅｍｅｍｂｅｒ ｙｏｕ

Kuroo found the note you had written and kept beneath a couple of books. Having arranged everything so neatly. All the anger he had dissipated instantly, and the call with Kenma ended, the note did a great deal to bring his attention to where he needed it the most.

You.

A couple of months passed with the random swapping happening on days no one really predicted. He left angry notes behind whenever you'd done something stupid to embarrass him or scored low on a math test one day; and you'd leave silly notes suggesting that he cut his hair or you'll do it for him, on how you were slowly picking up volleyball and you might possibly have a crush on Yaku. Kuroo would respond with 'Don't touch Yaku', and looked forward to swapping bodies with you more, because somewhere down the line, not only was it to help you, but it was also helping him.

He could feel himself getting closer to his own father, which was rather strange. Their conversations didn't change, but Kuroo didn't complain about toast for breakfast, and even sometimes bothered to make his own. You, on the other hand, had wonderful conversations with your mother, and the cleared desk remained clear. You paid more attention to keeping your hair soft, drinking more water, and spending more time with Naru; sometimes, you'd play with Takeru, teaching him volleyball and seeing that he actually enjoyed the sport. Your slow communication with Kuroo stopped making you feel crippled, as a matter of fact, Kuroo became a part of your routine.

Some mornings after the swap, you'd wake up with a smile on your face; and your first thought would be Kuroo. It was strange, you'd not even met the boy but lately, he was all you could think of. The swaps were getting more and more regular, and you'd see sweet notes scribbled all over your book — 'Why aren't you dating anyone? Want tips?' You rolled your eyes, knowing full well that Kuroo himself was a bit awkward with girls.

You desperately wanted to see how he was in real life, where you were not being him. You wanted to learn how his voice felt against your eardrums, how his fingers might feel when they ruffled your hair; small interactions were all you craved for, and never before had you ever felt like this for someone you had never met.

Kuroo, on the other hand, knew full well that he was straight out in love with you. It didn't take him long to fall for someone, and while he knew his feelings for you were weird, he also didn't forget that you were dead in the present timeline.

He would wake up some mornings with a note on his face that had sweet little things written like, 'Good morning, Kuroo-kun! I took the liberty to iron your uniform today seeing how you had crumpled mine so brilliantly!' He chuckled before feeling his heart race a bit at the work you had done. He knew you were a year younger, but you were a pro-note taker, and your notes had saved him a lot of time for missing these classes.

But with each passing note, each passing swap day, Kuroo's dread slowly increased. You were going to die and he had no clue how to stop it. He wondered what was even causing the swaps with him in the first place. Did he have a significant role to play here?

Perhaps, there was something that was telling him that the swapping was more than just random. With your second note, he had invariably understood a part of you that you apparently didn't often show to others; not that there were a lot of others, to begin with. He wondered how you'd take the change of dialogue he had with your mother, and about cleaning your desk—he wondered why you hadn't done it yourself in the first place. Perhaps, it was a part of you that he deeply wanted to understand, and for that, maybe, living in your skin may help him. However, he needed to know more.

First, he needed to find what happened to your mother. What kind of accident was it that had taken her life? And what happened to Takeru? From what he heard, your aunt had moved houses after your death, which meant that he might have at least seen a kid if there was one. Takeru was nowhere near you when you had moved to Tokyo, which meant that he was somewhere else.

He didn't know why the first person he thought of asking was his grandfather. His grandfather was a renowned gossip, and he hoped to find some sort of answer through the old man. It was thankfully a weekend right then, and ignoring the hordes of messages that Bokuto was sending him about his 'amazing performance' the previous day, Kuroo felt determined to get this over with.

He found his grandmother watching something on the iPad, and his grandfather was sitting in front of the television. He knew his father was out working, so this gave him ample time to bother his grandfather with useless questions.

Apparently useless questions.

    "Yo, ji-chan," Kuroo's grandfather greeted him with a killer smile, "You heard about the girl (s/n) (y/n) from across the road? The one that...died."

His grandfather nodded before humming, "Poor girl. She moved here for school after her mother and brother passed in an accident. They're from a port town, see. They used to harvest salt."

He knew that much, and his heart hurt from thinking of Takeru also passing away. The boy was barely 8 years old.

    "Know anything else? What kind of accident was it?"

    "You seem quite interested in this. Did you know (y/n)-chan?"

Kuroo smiled bitterly, "In a way, ji-chan."

    "I'm sorry to hear that, Tetsu-chan," His grandfather's voice made him feel worse, "(y/n)-chan took her own life because there was no one else left for her. It's truly sad to see young people take their lives. Her aunt wasn't of any help. Made her dream of a good life in Tokyo and brought her here and just... paid no attention to her."

    "Didn't she go to school?"

    "She went to your school, Tetsu-chan, didn't you know that already?"

Kuroo's heart dropped. What the fuck? He felt a cold sweat rushing over his features. Suddenly, he felt as if he was walking toward something that he should actually be running away from. You were in his school? That meant... That meant it had been three whole months since you had been here and he didn't even know. By now, Kuroo had assessed what would cause everything to topple over.

He had to stop your mother's accident. Somehow, he had to reach you. He had to find out what happened to your mother and brother, and stop the accident from happening. And if that happened, you'd continue to live there. You'd continue to live and you'd grow up happy.

If you came to Tokyo, you'd die.

    "Her mother and brother were on a boat, Tetsu-chan," His grandfather's words alerted him from his stupor, "They were returning home after a ferry ride to a museum. It was the boy's birthday."

That was good. This was good enough. He knew when it would happen, and if he could just swap into your body before then, if only he'd be able to choose willingly when the swap could happen, Kuroo wouldn't have to live with the morbid anxiety bubbling in his chest. He rushed outside, ignoring his grandfather's wishes for him to go brush his teeth, and ran to Kenma's door.

    "Kenma! Kenma! Kenma—"

The door opened, revealing a rather annoyed looking Kenma.

    "I'm starting to prefer (s/n) over you."

    "Need to talk. It's important."

Both of them sat behind Kenma's house, the same place they had started to play volleyball for the first time, a long time ago.

    "Did you know she went to our school?"

Kenma blinked before turning to Kuroo with a surprised look. Kuroo merely nodded with a bitter expression on his face.

    "Her mother and brother die in a boating accident. On her brother's birthday. She moves here and... for three whole goddamn months she's here and we don't... we don't know."

    "Kuroo, you can't blame yourself for this—"

    "It's repeating all over again. She just died and I couldn't—"

    "It's stupid if you think you could have saved her," Kuroo almost winced at how cold Kenma's voice was, "But, you can save her now. So, just don't mess it up."

    "I need to go see her."

    "You know that she won't be there."

    "Maybe, there's some sort of hill like in the movie—"

    "Highly unlikely."

    "Well, this fucking seems highly unlikely too, doesn't it?!" Kuroo yelled, feeling his heart rate increase, "Me swapping bodies with a girl that's dead!?"

Kenma sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "Maybe, the next time you swap, try to figure out when her brother's birthday is and ensure her mom and brother don't go out. That should do it."

    "Why was she not on the boat with them?" Kuroo asked, confusedly.

Kenma shrugged. "Maybe, she was somewhere else?"

    "Where could she have gone?"

    "Maybe, it has more to do with her relationship with her family?"

    "Hm, yeah... I mean, it is pretty strained. But, I did something. I apologized to her mother after learning that she fought the night before the swap."

Kenma's eyes widened.

    "What?"

    "She did the same for you."

Kuroo paused a bit before narrowing his eyes. She did what?

    "Your dad was telling her, I mean you, about how you blame yourself for... you know."

    "Ah, fuck!" Kuroo groaned before scratching his head with both his hands. "Why can't she not meddle—"

    "What are you doing to tell her that?"

    "Well, I'm trying to save her life—"

    "She doesn't know that."

Kuroo let out a breath. Kenma moved away from him as he stood up.

    "Go brush your teeth, Kuroo."

Several thoughts flooded into his mind. Why was it Kuroo's body that you swapped with? In the movie, Mitsuha swapped with Taki because she dreamed of being a boy in Tokyo. Did you want the same thing? Did you by any chance meet Kuroo somewhere in the past and he had failed to recognize you? Were you some girl on a train that he had met and had forgotten about? Did something happen in the past year that he can't remember, and had invariably changed your life so much that it ended everything?

Why was it him?

Throughout the next month, Kuroo desperately waited to swap bodies with you. He tried to recreate your face in his mind repeatedly, not wanting to forget about you, and this latent obsession that he had with you was starting to get Kenma worried. Without even having met you, he started to miss you, he wanted to see you, communicate with you, but how could he communicate with someone from a year ago?

He wondered what would happen if he went to you.

He knew the name of your high school, and he knew that Naru would be someone he could contact right now. Naru would be in her final year of high school, which meant that meeting Naru could give him an idea of what had happened with you. Desperately wanting answers, he knew there was only one way to get them. He had to go to you, even if you weren't there.

Rushing to his bathroom, he quickly brushed his teeth before running over to his laptop and opening his screen. He took a deep breath before clicking on Goto Islands, the largest island being Fukue. He knew that finding Naru would mean he could find where you lived, and if that happens, then perhaps he could understand what had actually happened. He had to get to Hanada Airport terminal and then take a flight to Fukue, which would take him around 3 hours. Reaching Hanada would take him an hour, so he knew he had to leave immediately. Shooting Kenma a message of what he was going to do, Kuroo decided that he had to meet Naru; the anticipation of the entire ordeal was killing him. If fate decided you deserved a second chance, he did not want to mess it up.

On reaching Hanada airport terminal 1, Kenma called him.

    "What are you doing? Kuroo, she's not—"

    "I'm going to meet her friend, Naru. Maybe, she knows what happened. If I know what happened, then maybe I can stop it."

Kenma didn't say a word, "I hope you know what you're doing, Kuroo. I seriously don't think this is anything like Kimi no Na Wa."

    "Yeah, well," Kuroo grinned, "I think I can't let go of my soulmate so easily, right?"

He could hear Kenma scoff, "You're such a sap."

    "Maybe, there's a red string connecting our pinky fingers across time."

    "Good luck, Kuroo."

Kuroo smiled before putting his phone inside his pocket, his heart racing as he headed inside the airplane that would take him to Fukue island. On reaching Fukue, he knew he had to take a taxi to the mainland, but the area was almost barren. Kuroo blinked a couple of times before turning to the left, finding a lone man standing there.

    "Uh, if I want to get a taxi, where should I go?"

    "Ya wait."

Kuroo felt a cold sweat hit him now. He couldn't wait. The more time he spent here, the closer you inched toward death, and he didn't want that to happen. Letting out a breath, Kuroo walked forward, hoping his memories would be enough to let him know where to go. Maybe, he'd spot something familiar, something that would let him guide himself to your old home.

However, luck was on his side, a taxi paused by him and he could finally get to the school because he knew that was his best bet at finding your house. Ten minutes later, Kuroo ran toward your old home, ignoring the looks he was getting from the people around him. His legs carried him faster than ever before, and he quickly came to a halt before his eyes fell on a familiar brown-haired girl, taking out the trash. The time was close to 5 p.m. and Kuroo's heart raced at the sight of the hyperactive Kotoishi girl.

He walked over to her and the height difference made him want to laugh. (y/n) was almost as tall as her, but right then, Naru was shorter than Kenma was.

Naru looked up and her eyes widened, before a faint recognition hit her pupils.

    "Yer the boy, aren't ya?"

Kuroo felt his heart constrict at how mellow Naru sounded. He nodded, because what else could he do?

    "Ya remembered," Naru said, smiling bitterly at him, "But a bit too late."

    "I can still save her."

Naru blinked, "How?"

    "Explaining will take a lot of time, Naru-chan," Kuroo said, rubbing the back of his neck, "Can you take me to her old home?"

Naru nodded and walked him there. However, she knew that he probably remembered the route, considering he had lived as her best friend on multiple occasions. Turning to the taller male, Naru hummed.

    "Yer quite handsome, aren'tcha?"

Kuroo chuckled, "Thank you. I wanted to ask you a few things, actually."

    "Not surprised. Shoot."

    "What...happened?"

They paused in front of your old home and Naru pressed her lips together. It wasn't easy for her to recollect what had happened to you or your family, but she was dreading this day. The day when the boy her best friend's body was occupied by would come and grace her with his presence. It confused her that he came a year too late, but perhaps, magical things in the world worked in a way no one could properly identify.

    "She wasn't really close with 'er mom. She forgot that it was Take-chan's birthday, and that 'er mom and 'im were gonna go check out the museum."

    "Where was she?"

Naru gave Kuroo a smile that could have broken his heart. That one smile made him understand that this was where he would come in.

    "She went to see you."

*

    "I have to go see him, Naru!"

Naru hummed before rolling her eyes, "Yer deeply in love with a boy you've never met."

    "But, I've lived as him. I think I can guide myself to his house and just... tell him! Besides, he knows me too. We've been sharin' notes."

    "But, there's no guarantee that it is him, right?"

    "Of course there is, who else is a Kuroo Tetsuroo from Nekoma, volleyball captain, bed-haired handsome dork?" You giggled at your own words.

    "Just hope ya know what yer doin'." Naru said, narrowing her eyebrows.

You nodded before letting out a breath. "I've booked my tickets to Tokyo too. I land in Hanada and I should probably take a train to Nekoma. I know my way from there."

    "Aren'tcha forgettin' somethin' 'bout tomorrow, though?" Naru asked, pressing a finger to her chin.

    "What could I possibly be forgettin'?"

The next morning, you left quietly and quickly. You hadn't told your mother that you were going to Tokyo, you knew she'd not let you, either way. It felt as if you were doing something daring for the first time; wanting to go to Tokyo as you and no one else. Half of you was excited to see the boy you liked, but the other half was just excited to do something like this for the first time. Your hair felt lighter than ever, your skin was practically glowing and your heart was racing; you were not hoping that Kuroo would return your feelings, though some part of you thought he did, the experience of it all made you feel almost overwhelmed with joy.

On reaching Hanada terminal 1, your first reaction was to take a deep breath. It was a school-day, and you knew how your mother felt about you missing school, but that wasn't what ran in your mind right then. You were going to meet someone that had invariably changed your life; that had been such a big part of how you could transform into a more confident individual—and this was everything you were waiting for, even before you knew you had waited for it.

On entering the train to the station closest to Nekoma, you felt like the crowds were suffocating you, but every pore in your body seemed to breathe oxygen right then and you felt like your lungs were full of air. The happiness that was coursing through your veins was enough to keep you pumped.

I have to change trains now, you thought before opting to get out, but a familiar mop of a bed head froze you to your spot. You were almost out of the train, the pack of people pouring in made it hard for you to keep your standing, but you had seen him— bed hair and gold eyes—entering the train you were in from your right. Instantly, you moved through the crowd to grab his wrist, wanting nothing more than to press yourself to him and to scream his name, but—

What was his name?

Your eyes widened as he turned to look at you, gold eyes penetrating into your (e/c) ones. He blinked questioningly, clearly confused by your sudden appearance.

    "Do I know you?"

You gasped, what was his name? Why couldn't you remember his name?

    "Ah, it's... It's... I'm sorry."

You were pushed out of the train and the doors closed; you kept your eyes fixed on the boy's from outside, and his eyes found yours, but there was not even a hint of recognition there. Suddenly, you had no idea what you were doing in Tokyo. All the hope had exited your body in a matter of seconds, it was merely a byproduct of having a delusion embedded into your psyche as hope; which it wasn't at all. Tears filled your eyes as you shut them, letting your tears fall straight from them.

You do not know how long you stood there before you got the call from Naru. The call that had changed your life.

*

    "I... I met her." Kuroo said, his eyes widening as realization sunk in.

It was a meager moment, a moment so easily forgotten. It felt as if he was crossfading into time right then, every inch of his being became a burden. How was he to remember you when he hadn't met you? Why was fate playing with him the way it was?

It didn't make sense.

    "She came back after I'd called her. She never really forgave herself for it."

    "When was..." Kuroo cleared his throat, "When is the..."

He couldn't bring himself to say 'anniversary of death'. Naru, however, was the smartest person he knew.

    "In two days. The 13th of November. Also," Kuroo turned to her with dead eyes, "You'd once told me that somethin' was gonna happen to her. This means that the future-you didn't remember 'er or didn't come 'ere and that's why she died in the present timeline. If she's gonna live in the past timeline, and if that has to merge into the present, then you have to do somethin' you didn't do before."

It took him a couple of seconds to understand her. Naru smiled before punching his chest.

    "Try talkin' to her now or somethin'. Happens in the movie, donnit?"

    "Where's... Where's her grave?"

Naru led Kuroo to the gravesite before walking away, knowing he had to stay there for a few moments. Kuroo's heart broke at the sight of your grave, right beside your mother and brother's, and tears instantly filled his eyes. He’d always secretly believed that a love as fierce and true as his would be rewarded in the end, and now Kuroo was being forced to accept the bitter truth. You were dead; no matter what he did, what he would do, you would try looking for him at the wrong time, and he would permanently lose you.

The sky was strangely painted orange that evening. An orange blended with hues of pink and purple, scattering above him in a colorful dance that screamed joy—as if to laugh at his misery. The skies were radiant as his heart broke, and for the life of him, Kuroo couldn't understand how the universe had so gladly failed him.

    "Fuck," He uttered before wiping the tears that fell from his eyes, "I wish I could have saved you. I wish I'd remembered you. Somehow, anyhow. I wish I could have saved you. Fuck, this is killing me."

The time was 6:14 p.m. Suggested time for twilight was ten minutes from then. Kuroo had been here before but had left two minutes early. Perhaps, it was by chance that he stayed this time. Perhaps, the universe wanted a different end. No one can really say what these things were. They just happen.

You had made a wish right before closing your eyes for the last time.

I wish the next time he sees me, he'll remember me.

Perhaps, someone in the universe who could make a difference had heard your plea. Perhaps, someone just wanted to see what would happen if two parallels were connected for the first time. As impossible as it sounded, Kuroo had made it possible by staying there longer than any of his future forms had ever done. Those two minutes made all the difference.

Just before twilight, he shut his eyes for a couple of minutes; before reopening them as you.

He let out a gasp before feeling his heartbeat accelerate. A moment ago, he was at the graveyard, mourning for you, but right now, he was in your skin.

   "Take-chan," He called out, "What day is it?"

   "It's the 13th. Two days to my birthday!"

Where the hell is she? He thought before running to where the graveyard was, ignoring your brother's pleas. 13th November. 13th November. Two days before your brother's birthday. He could spot the graveyard from a distance and his heart skipped several beats on seeing himself there. Tears filled his eyes before rushing over to hug him, knowing full well who was inside.

Swap.

Kuroo opened his eyes and spotted your form, hugging him, crying into his chest. You were sobbing, and Kuroo could feel his own eyes burn with tears. Quickly grabbing your cheek, Kuroo leaned down and pressed his lips to yours, not wanting to waste what time was given to him. He could feel you practically shake under his hold, and he knew that this was perhaps the magic of twilight that the movie had spoken about. He didn't have to look upward to see how the orange sky now seamlessly made so much more sense to him. The pinks and the purples, the hues scattering above him in that same radiant dance that welled his heart with inexplicable joy and hope.

    "Tetsu-kun!"

    "(y/n)-chan." He said so fondly, he felt his heartbreaking.

    "I was going to come to see you... In two days, I've booked—"

Kuroo shook his head vehemently, "Please, please don't. Listen to me, it's your brother's birthday on the 13th. Don't go anywhere. It's going to rain, it's going to," He was taking deep breaths now, "Stay indoors, you hear me?"

    "I love you." You said, tears leaking down your eyes.

Kuroo nodded, his hands pressing your cheeks as if his life depended on this very moment, "I love you too, (y/n)-chan, just promise me. Promise me you'll live through this and come see me."

You nodded, "I promise. I'll come to see you—"Your eyes widened, "I... I can't remember your name, please—"

    "My name is Kuroo Tetsuroo."

    "My name is (y/n)—"

Kuroo pulled your hand out and kissed firmly on the back of it. You mentally repeated his name countless times before it slipped your consciousness effortlessly. You were sobbing now, at how you knew you loved his boy but couldn't for the life of you remember who he was.

    "You..." Kuroo could feel his own memories of you vanish, "I'll remember you."

    "I love you so much!"

Kuroo leaned down to kiss you once more, his hands gripping your hair tightly. You kissed back, but a second later—

—you were gone.

*

The day when the sky turned various shades of orange, it was almost as if a scene from a dream; it was a beautiful view.

Once in a while, when Kuroo woke up, he finds himself crying. The dream he must have had he can never recall. But, there was a sensation that he had lost something, and it lingered long after he had woken up.

Working for Japan's Volleyball Association was a task—especially after Hinata was signed into the MSBY Jackals. He knew had to head over and meet the orange-haired runt the next day, but Kuroo believed he'd take his time. It was the weekend after all. Scratching his butt, he ignored Kenma's message before grabbing his coat and walking to the nearest 7/Eleven.

Kuroo's eyes linger for a second longer on the back of his palm before brushing it off and walking out of his house. He had long moved out of his father's home but managed to visit every once in a while. The first time Kuroo had beer with his father, he pictured how far he'd come, how difficult it used to be for him even to look his dad in the eye. Now, after having blamed himself for his mother's death during his teen years, Kuroo could safely say he had put it all behind him.

My name is—

Walking into the store, he noticed a bike waiting outside, not having been locked. He chuckled at the kid's carelessness before heading in to buy that morning's breakfast.

    "Nee-chan, we can get fried chicken for lunch!"

    "Take-chan, are you sure you can be eating such things being a volleyball player?"

Kuroo froze. He gulped but suddenly felt something pricking the back of his throat, making it almost impossible for him to swallow. Slowly, he turned to spot you and your brother, your backs facing him, as you picked out some packed lunches in the frozen section. Suddenly, your brother winced before running outside, muttering how he had forgotten to lock the bike.

Kuroo's heart pounded in his chest as he approached you, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. You looked like he had remembered, but he couldn't place from where. Your hair was longer, a soft blue cardigan adorned your figure, and blue jeans—you were still shorter, but he couldn't remember from when.

My name is (y—

    "Uh," He took a deep breath before noticing you turned to face him, "I know this is a strange question but..."

Your eyes widened upon noticing him. A lone tear fell from your left eye the longer you stared before your mind screamed at you.

My name is K—

    "Have we met before?" You sounded almost desperate, your heart raging inside your ribcage.

And in that second, Kuroo had remembered you.

[parkjess]

hi there! can i request for an astro accidental drunk confession to the reader where the reader tried to take care of them because they’re drunk & they thought it was someone else or something like that!! im not sure if i make sense 😭

Thank you for requesting!🥰

Note: Since I can’t really imagine a different reaction for the 6 of them, this one will be in pairs I think would act the same.

Sorry for writing this forever! I had a writing block and needed time to get inspiration.🙏🏻

Myungjun& Moonbin:

He was on his way back home when he texted you he’ll be there in a while, so you made the bed for him, assuming he will be tired after a night out with the boys.

He was staying at your place for the weekend since he had work to do around, and his own place was 2 hours away from here. So you gave him the spare room you had in your apartment you share with your other best friend, his sister.

Waiting for him to open the door, but it was too late now and you didn’t hear anything from him for a while now since he last texted you. Suddenly, a weird noise, such as a ball hitting a wall was heard at the front door.

Worriedly, you jumped off the couch, heading straight to check where the noise came from.

Opening the door, there was your friend, all spread on the floor now, arms seemed to give in.

“Oh my god!” You accidentally shout too loudly, immediately placing a hand on your mouth, calling out to your friend for help. Both of you make an attempt to lift the drunk guy, but eventually drag him on the floor to his temporary bedroom.

“Why did you drink so much, dummy.” You hit his arm playfully while your other hand dips a towel in a water bowl, placing it on his forehead. He didn’t say anything but only opened his eyes a bit, as if he just woke up, feeling dizzy.

You grabbed the water bowl to bring a new one, but as you just lift yourself of his bed you were sitting on until now, he grips you arm and stops you with the small amount of energy he has left. He calls you by his sister’s name, but she left as soon as you started to take care of him.

“Wait, I’ll bring more water.” You didn’t even bother telling him not to move anywhere because you know he’s tired and tipsy. -“I like y/n so much where is she~” he whines as you stay there shocked from what you just heard. What the hell, he thinks I’m his sister!

You decided not to interrupt him and just listen to his words, as you already knew, the truth comes out when he’s drunk. Not bothering to tell him you are not his sister, he won’t even remember this in a few hours.

“Bro...” you call him, feeling uncomfortable by calling your childhood crush like that but it doesn’t even matter now. “I’ll bring you something to eat.” Only looking for an excuse to run away. -“I should tell y/n I love her...” he says in a drunk, low voice, grabbing his phone to call you.

“No, no you should rest now.” You take his phone and throw it somewhere else on the bed, heading to the kitchen.

When you came back you see his face lighten up, he took his phone and texted someone. Suddenly your phone got a notification he noticed, him sending you his confession in many texts was a mess since he could hear every notification you got whenever he sent.

-“OMO! It’s you...” he says surprised, yet his voice still shaking from being drunk and wasted. “I- you need to rest, go to sleep, it’s too late. I’ll be here in the morning.” You say finally and get out of the room, leaving him blushing, not worried enough due to the fact he won’t remember this after tonight.

In the morning he woke up to the sunlight shining bright in his eyes, bothered by it a little. Flexing out his arm to search for his phone on the bed, finding it within seconds and grabbing it with the least of power he has so early in the morning, well, early for a person who got drunk at midnight.

‘Are you awake yet?’ That was a text you sent him few minutes ago, maybe that’s the reason he woke up?

Oh shit, you thought. I shouldn’t have send it, he would read the last texts from last night!

“Hey! Good morning, how do you feel?” You break at once into his room, opening the door widely, making him jump and throw his phone away. -“you scared me! At least knock before you open the door like that!” He shouts, coughing because his morning voice gets cut.

-“I saw the messages.” He says when he gets out of the bed, wearing his shoes and fixing his hair, before you even get the chance to say something. “I hoped you won’t...” you confess. -“Yeah I don’t remember sending them but I only remember getting drunk with the others. So I guess I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

“Is that true?”

-“Yeah you brought me here.”

“Not that you were drunk, idiot. What’s you said there.” You point at the phone that was laying on the carpet, upside down, with your head.

-“They say you never tell lies when you’re tipsy.”

“You could’ve just say it’s true, why all the poetic shit all of the sudden?”

-“Why you’re so mad so early in the morning?” He asks, stepping closer to you, you’re still wearing your pajamas, as well as he wears his last night’s clothes.

“Because, for years I’ve been waiting for you to say you love me, I hoped you will. And this is not how wanted it to be...”

-“Wa-wa-wait... does that mean- oh my- you love me back?”

“Stupid idiot, yeah why did you think I became friends with your sister?”

-“I think... do you wanna go on a date with me, y/n?” He smiles at the end, when your name comes out of his mouth, so softly.

“Promise you won’t get drunk there?”

-“Maybe only for you to take care of me.” He says, leaving a smirk.

Jinwoo & Dongmin:

You were sitting with your group of friends at the restaurant, celebrating whatever kind of a good reason to drink to.

It was the best night ever, full of laughter and pure joy, but something felt too good to be true, and you had a feeling something weird is going to happen.

The older friends started with small shots, then moved to being completely wasted because of the bottles of alcohol they shoved straight to their brain. You and the younger ones didn’t have any idea what’s going on with the other ones, but only looked at what they are doing drunk like they were.

Fortunately, the restaurant wasn’t crowded as usual, and it was quite late for people to come in, even though it’s the middle of Seoul.

At some point, you and your younger friends, who tried to prevent themselves from getting drunk, sat there as if you were watching a show, of the three others arguing loudly, like they usually do while the beer starts to effect.

“Oh my god what are they doing?” You whisper to one of your friends, who was sitting beside you, taking a bite from a pork rib.

-“Don’t ask me, I’m not responsible for that.” He jokingly answers, as one of the actors of the show suddenly stands up, his chair meeting the wall 3 meters behind, making all of you startled.

“Yah!” He shouts, you look at him with eyes open wide as he looks down straight at you, pointing out his finger toward your direction.

“Y/n!” He claims your name loudly, you turned red only from embarrassment while the others look at you with surprise.

-“Please, lets go home.” You say, trying to pull him back down before it gets worse, nodding your head to the owner of the restaurant who apparently got scared they started a fight.

“I love you y/n!” All of the sudden, the sentence you never thought you’ll hear from him, comes out, and you’re not the only one who hears it.

-“Oh my!” You cover your face after hitting your own forehead with your palm, -“I knew something weird is going to happen!” You murmur under your lips.

“Daebak!” Sanha drops his chopsticks on the table, shocked at his friend who just confessed. The other two drunk friends of yours who were loud until now, all became quiet.

“I love y/n with my whole heart.” Oh my, you thought.

-“Lets please end this night and go back to the dorm.” You nearly beg your sober friends, dying for this embarrassing moment will end soon.

When back at the dorms, you went straight to take care of the drunk babies, especially that one who confessed earlier tonight. Even though you nearly fell asleep while standing, you forced yourself to make sure they are going to sleep.

“Hyung, I love y/n so much.” He says softly to you, smiling unconsciously.

-“Shut up, I’m not your hyung.” You whisper to him as you place a towel on his burning forehead, bringing a bucket in case he wants to throw up.

For years you tried to hide and even delete your feelings for him, which didn’t work. And now you feel even more in trouble since he feels the same about you.

You decided to leave him a message for the next day when he wakes up:

‘I wasn’t your hyung, not even for a moment, last night.

I hope you don’t remember but I really wanna think you do.

I love you too. Y/n.”

Minhyuk& Sanha:

You were sitting with your best friend at a family gathering, his family this time after last time he was at your parents’ house.

Without you notice, he started to drink alcohol, shots that his cousins raised to cheers, and you didn’t even touch it though the adults might see this as disrespectful, but both you and your friend decided you’ll be in charge of driving tonight back to the dorms, despite the fact you weren’t the kind of a drinker.

At first he only started to whisper weird things in your ear you barely understood because it was unclear, then, he asked for more shots from his father, and you’re the only one who noticed the weird behavior of him. And maybe his mother too, but you said nothing yet. Until he stood up, starting to yell something, but you were wise and fast enough to put him back down and shush him before he embarrasses himself any more without being aware to it.

“Please control yourself, the night is almost over.” You whisper to him while holding his wrist close to you.

Luckily, his mother was sitting on the other side of yours. “Can I take him to your room? He’s completely wasted.” You ask her politely, she nodded her head with a slight worry spread on her face, like the loving mother she is to her son.

And you did, nodding to the rest of the family while holding the big, drunk baby, so he won’t fall down. “I told you you’ll end up drinking, you never listen to me...” you say to him, even though he can’t really understand who you are right now or what you’re saying, but you did warn him before.

Sighing, pulling over his parent’s bed cover to make it comfortable for him to rest until he hopefully falls asleep. -“Mom...” he whispers loudly when he looks at you with his lids half closed, then grabs your hand. “I-“

-“Tell y/n she should stay here, it’s too late I can’t leave her driving alone at night...” your eyes widened at the sudden worry your friend just claimed about, wondering how much of alcohol he has in his blood right now that he doesn’t even recognize you while looking at you.

“Y/n will be okay, she’s not a baby.” You reply, without bothering to explain anything to him. But he only whines and being stubborn about you going back alone.

-“Aish- no! Mom I want her to be with me, and she is a baby. To me. You know how much I like her...” If you were surprised by his sudden worry a minute ago, now you’re completely shocked by his words.

“What are you talking about? I’m- I mean, y/n is a smart girl, she can...” you don’t know what, but something stopped you from keeping on talking, you just let him be and agree to everything he says. “Okay, son. She will stay here tonight.” You lied, but he won’t remember it anyway in the morning.

You went out of the room with your friend smiling at the thought of you staying there, it was way too weird for you to think he likes you, because you liked him forever now, even though you tried to hide and forget these feelings since you don’t to ruin your long term friendship. You’re like a daughter to his parents, especially his mom, but you couldn’t not tell her what you’re trying to process in your own mind.

“He thinks I’m you, and he really insists I’m gonna stay here tonight, so I agreed because he won’t remember he even asked for it.” There was that motherly look she gave you, patting your shoulder and listening to you. -“Wait, so you leave?” She asks, surprised, you can see how much he looks like her when she does that face.

“Yes of course, but I’ll leave once he’s asleep.” You wanted to check if he’s all good and don’t need any help, ignoring the fact he is in his parents’ place, where he used to live since he was born and until he grew up. Maybe that’s was just the way you were taking care of him as much as you can.

-“Why won’t you stay, y/n?” His mother speaks up when you pour water into a glass to give your friend and check up on him. “I really don’t want to be a burden...” you furrowed your brows, surprised at her offer like you were surprised from her son.

-“You’re not, I ask you to stay.” She says, as if it was a command.

“If it’s that case, I can’t refuse.” You smile at her and she does the same.

On that night, her mother let you both sleep together on her and her husband’s bed, just because she trusted you and her own child.

In the morning, he rised with the sun, stretching his hands, accidentally bumping into your neck, waking you up. -“Oh my god y/n! What are you doing here?”

“Oh! What time is it?” You couldn’t believe you actually fell asleep, it was difficult for you to sleep on others’ beds, and you tried to sleep the whole night, don’t even remember when you drifted to dreamland.

He was smiling a bit, never thought he would wake up next to you, in his parents’ place. “I- You were drunk last night and you asked your mom for me to stay.” You say as you cover your mouth due to the morning breath he didn’t care about.

-“I did? Oh my god...” he almost whispered only to himself, but you were close enough to hear that. Not sure if he already realized he confessed his feelings, but surely worried about it and thinking of how he can you ask you if you already know how he feels without actually asking it.

“You’re sweet.” You say at once while watching him overthinking, staring at the empty ceiling, his eyes are full of little stars, he turns his head when your words snap him out of his thoughts.

-“Hu- What? We’re you talking to me?” His blinking fast as if he didn’t see clearly.

“Can you see anyone else here?”

-“Why would you say that?” He has that slightly cold personality when someone he admires compliments him, and you, oh he admires you a lot.

“Remember how you told me few days ago that every word that comes from a one’s mouth, has a reason and meaning?” You remind him, without both of you to notice, your bodies got close to each other and you face him so closely right now, scanning his beautiful skin.

-“Uhm... well?” He looks like he doesn’t listen, but he looks so beautiful looking straight into your eyes like this. “Then I believe it now.” You say and pick yourself up at once from the bed, wearing the slippers his mother gave you.

-“What has changed?” He asks, lifting himself on his elbow to support his body up on the bed, looking at you while you’re stepping to the door, taking one last look at him with a smile and say, “The fact that you said you love me, without being aware of it yourself.” You finally say, leaving the boy with an answer but completely confused, while heading out of the room.

[originofjaehyun]

Prelude: After Story | Part 1 | Punch

Prelude: After Story Masterlist

Word count: 2,929

Warnings: None

Part 1 | Punch

“‘Cause I’m a clean fighter.”

Next

Read Interlude: No More Drama

Tag list: @justineasian​ @elauniesdream 

“Make sure you tell him how you felt.”

The remark only received a giggle from the other party. “I’m not promising anything, Yuta. It will take time.”

Yuta took a final glance. There’s a hint of despair in the way he looked at her. “You packed everything?”

She nods. “I think so. Let me know if I left something. Well, that if you don’t mind. Else, you can throw them away.”

“Alright, I’ll let you know.” He smirked. There’s a pregnant pause before he continues. “I’ll see you when I see you, [Y/N]. Until then, please be well.”

Yuta could see she welled up, holding up her tears. He wished he could hug her and tell her that it will be fine, but that only contradicted the brave front he showed to her.

She finally waves her final goodbye, closing the door. It is a signal for Yuta to finally embrace his sadness. Legs gave in, he immediately crouched down, sighing.

“Damn, who would’ve thought I could fall for someone this much?” Brushing the hair that covers his forehead, he asked himself, with no one to answer.

Yuta walked to his bathroom, thinking that he would cool his head by taking a brisk shower. He took off his shirt, pausing in front of the sink before he entered the shower booth. He stared at his own reflection, blankly. No thoughts, head is empty. He just needs his time to process and to cope with his own heartbreak.

There are few objects that don't belong to him, and by then he noticed that she forgot to visit the bathroom when she cleared her stuff, leaving her toothbrush behind. He curled one side of his lips up, sighing regretfully before throwing the toothbrush to the trash bin nearby.

This is so I can forget about her faster.

Yuta taught to himself, before spotting another foreign item.

A pair of rose gold stud earrings. Yuta knows his pieces of jewelry because he never took off his. The simple design of the earrings is also a bit too plain for his liking, and the owner of them is no other than the person who just left this place.

He grabs it, about to throw them away. But hesitates, gripping the earrings inside his palm. 

Yuta looks at the earring once more.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the only part of you that I could keep?

–

Days pass per normal for Yuta. Except that the people around him notice that he’s anything but it.

“You alright, bro?” Doyoung tapped his shoulder, waking Yuta from his daze.

“What do you mean?” Yuta leans to the wall, inhaling his IQOS.

“I don’t know man, you’re off these days.” Doyoung took a sip of his grapefruit drink. “It seems like you have something on your mind. Have you talked to [Y/N] about it?”

Ah, so she hasn’t told him.

Yuta thought to himself, not responding to Doyoung as he drew out a translucent smoke.

“She might not be the best at giving advice, cause even she had a hard time figuring out herself. But I promise she’s a good listener, I’m sure she'll be able to give you some sort of comfort.”

Yuta just nodded to his statement.

He nodded because he himself knew how comfortable it was to be around her.

–

Yuta holds grudges. It was hard for him to admit it at first, but eventually, he accepts the annoying part of his personality. Fast forward five months after she left, Yuta still refused to go out. This clearly weirded everyone out since Yuta is the social butterfly. For him to reject their offer to visit the bar after office makes the lines on their foreheads more apparent than ever.

Yuta just needs some time, alone. He doesn’t know for how long, but what he knows is that he’s just not in the mood to put on a fake happy smile when his own heart is like a shipwreck.

So he spent another night in at his apartment, opening a bottle of rye whiskey. Truthfully, Yuta prefers sweeter booze –something that is more fruity like his usual Cassis Orange. However these days, those cocktails couldn’t shred his woe. He needs something stronger. He needs to be able to feel the burning sensation on his chest, replacing the pain of his heartache.

He went off to flump into the leather couch, putting down the glass of whiskey. He grabs the remote, browsing through the Netflix catalog. He stops, at one move named Kimi no Na wa.

He probably already watched this for million times. He loves this movie. Not only because of the well-executed animation and storyline, but it also reminds him of home.

And it painfully reminds him of her too. How she loved anime, and how her eyes glimmered every time Yuta told her a fun fact about Japanese culture.

“Did you know there’s a trivia behind her name?”

“Who? Mitsuha?”

Yuta nods, “Her name means three leaves. Funnily enough, it started from her grandmother, Hitoha which means one leaf. And you guessed it, her mother’s name, Futaba, means two leaves and her little sister, Yotsuha, is four leaves.”

“Whoa!” She shrieked excitedly. “That’s cute!”

Yuta laughed at the sight of her getting excited over something simple like this. It’s nothing much for a Japanese man like him, but for her it’s something new and Yuta finds it very adorable.

If she was still here, he would cross his arm over her shoulder. Cuddling her.

But right now, all he could do is to rest his arm on the backrest of his couch. The only warmth that he could feel is from the whiskey.

Unable to focus on the movie, so he diverted his attention to see his phone.

Oh, how he regrets it.

He saw her social. She was with a group of people that Yuta knew from that party. But his finger reactively clicked on one of the tagged name’s profiles.

Just to see him posted a photo of her. It was a candid photo, the person captured in the picture seemingly asked the photographer to stop. Her hands were blurred because she attempted to cover her mouth.

But she wasn’t quick enough to stop the photographer from capturing her smile. A smile so bright Yuta knew he wasn’t able to create. A smile that Yuta definitely misses.

The agony he felt amplified once he read the capture below the photo.

“I was yours, before I knew; and you have always been mine too.”

Yuta rolled his tongue over his front teeth. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, not when he is the one who let her go. But he is pissed, throwing his phone away. 

He moves his palms to cover his eyes, resting his head. He lets out another sigh, but no matter how much he exhaled, no matter how much alcohol he drank, the rain cloud seems to follow him around.

“Fuck this shit.” He hummed to himself.

He took his phone again, this time opening a different app. It took him a bit longer this time, but at least whatever he was doing, managed to put a smile on Yuta’s face.

He then proceeds to dial a number.

“Hello, Doy? I’ll take a week off. I’m flying to Osaka tomorrow.”

–

“How could you come back home without noticing us?”

Yuta puts down his bag, worn out from the flight, “I can’t even visit my own home now, Nee-san?”

“What I meant was,” His sister crossed his arm. “Last time you visited Osaka, you’d stay at the hotel because you wouldn’t stay long. Mostly due to your business trip. What makes you suddenly miss home?”

“I just feel like taking some days off, Nee-san.” He replied without looking at this sister, busy unpacking his stuff. “Also, Imouto has been texting me, telling me to bring her some signed goods from TVXQ.”

“Well if you said so,”  Her sister knows how stubborn Yuta is, so she decides that she won’t press him further. “Come down when you’re ready. If only you told us you were coming earlier, mom would’ve cooked us Nabe. But we don’t have the ingredients, so you have to settle with curry tonight.”

Yuta finally looked back to smile at his sister, “Curry sounds great, Nee-san.”

–

It’s great to be home, Yuta thought to himself. 

The familiar road. People talking in his mother language. Food that is catered to fit his taste buds. He loves Korea, and everything it has to offer, but nothing could replace home.

“My, Yuta is that you?!” An elderly woman called for him, snapping him from his day daze.

“Oh, Baa-chan!” Yuta subconsciously lets out his signature radiant smile. “How are you? I hope your back is fine now.”

“Oh, you’re as sweet as I could remember, Yuta!” She giggled. “You never visit your home, this Baa-chan misses you a lot, you know? I don’t know how to use… what do they call those these days? Line?”

Yuta laughed. “Yes, Line, Baa-chan.”

“Right, I can’t contact you! You should come home more often. I could write you a letter but I don’t know your address in Korea.”

“I miss you too, Baa-chan. Sorry, I promise to visit again.”

Baa-chan sells taiyaki in his neighborhood. Yuta is her regular customer, and she has witnessed how much Yuta grew from a small boy who aspires to be an Ultraman to a successful businessman he is right now. Yuta settled on the bench in front of Baa-chan’s store, filling her with the missing information pieces where Yuta finally left home for his career.

“Now take this,” She offered him a bag of taiyakis.

“Oh, no Baa-chan. Let me pay,” He rustles his pant pocket, trying to find his wallet.

“My dear Yuta!” She pushes the paper bag to him, “This is a gift from me, as a thank you for visiting this old lady. Next time, bring your friend here so they can pay instead. Baa-chan wants to see your friends, I want to make sure they are good people.”

He lets out a soft chuckle. Baa-chan is always kind, and it touches his heart. Yuta treats her like she’s her own grandmother. “I’ll note that, Baa-chan.”

He waves goodbye to her and marches his way to a nearby park. The park used to be so big for the small Yuta. He used to think it would take forever to catch a ball that flies after his friend kicked it too high. But now that he’s a full-grown man, he even wonders how the hell he was able to play soccer with his friend in this field. 

He sits down at the bench, taking a bite of the fresh taiyaki. Baa-chan’s taiyaki is the best. It might be a biased opinion, but every bite is like a memory lane for Yuta. The irreplaceable taste of childhood.

The dusk is near, and there is no child laughter at these hours since all of them have their curfews. With nothing to keep him entertained, he unlocked his phone, casually browsing through his social before pausing his munching at one post.

“Can’t believe this man asked me to spend the rest of my life with him while I’m about to throw the trash away. I hope your future daughter will experience a much more romantic proposal, you weirdo.”

Involuntarily the red bean paste from his bread squirted out, due to the fact Yuta unconsciously squeezed them. Was it out of anger? Out of disappointment? Or out of regret?

His blood is boiling, and with nobody around, nothing stops him. Yuta is usually calm, but right now he just wants to transfer the excessive anger somewhere. Heck, the tree next to him can be his punching bag.

My mom always told me to finish my meal so you’re not leaving until you eat everything.

But right now, Yuta is unable to take another bite. He even forced whatever he had left on his mouth down to his throat.

Why did I let you go?

He scoffed, mocking his own thought, “Damn, what a pathetic person you are, Yuta.”

-

Your first impression on Yuta is probably how strong his aura is. His gaze is sharp, complemented with a well-chiseled jawline. So you would never think that the same person has a sensitive soul. Ever since his trip to Japan, the Nakamato residence in Seoul is always decorated with fresh flowers, handpicked by Yuta himself. This is his way of finding peace. He always wanted to have a pet, but his busy schedule makes him unable to own one. Instead, he’s been paying more attention to greeneries in his home. He said it was a therapy for him, and having a living plant makes the place alive, so he claims.

The bell on the door jingles after Yuta pushes the door open, cueing the staff who were busy arranging a bouquet to greet him.

“Welcome to Paradise!”

Yuta nods at the staff, telling her to continue with her arrangement and let him browse the flower catalog by himself.

Soon after, the bell jingles once more —only to reveal a young man with a sparkly eyes.

“Sorry, __! Taeyong left his apron behind so I have to make a visit to Kitchen Beat first.”

The person at the counter chuckled, “Don’t sweat it, Mark. We’re not that busy today anyway.”

“Let me put my bag first, then I’ll help to cut the stems of the carnations—“ Mark’s eyes grow bigger once he sees the familiar figure. “Yuta-hyung? Ah, I mean, Sir!”

Yuta turned at the sound of his name. “Oh, if it isn’t Mark!”

“Didn’t expect you to come here, Sir.”

“You can talk to me comfortably, Mark. We’re no strangers.” Yuta smiles. “Fancy seeing you here, too. Are you part-timing here?”

Mark nods. “Other than my job as an English tutor, working here actually calms me down. Maybe the flower gives the peaceful atmosphere?”

Yuta hummed, agreeing with his statement.

“Also, I can rest a bit because working here is not as busy as working at a cafe.” Mark continues, “Though we’re going to be busy pretty soon since Jaehyun-hyung ordered so many orchids for his wedding. Man, not just any orchid! If only he knows how difficult it is to obtain—“

Mark stopped at the sight of Yuta’s awkward face.

“Shit, Mark, how could you forget that he was your Noona’s ex-lover.”

He whispered to himself, but the store was fairly quiet with only faint instrumental song in the background —enabling Yuta to listen to each of his words clearly.

Your noona.

“Mark, go change to your uniform.” A female voice breaks the tension, flinching Mark who reactively gives Yuta a deep bow afterward.

Yuta definitely needs time to process what just happened. Pressing his lips together while occasionally biting the skin.

“A cheerful young boy, isn’t he?”

Yuta woke up from his daydream following her calm voice. “Mark is energetic, and I love how positive his energy is. Though sometimes, that can cause him to be slightly dense, too.”

Yuta couldn’t help but to let a single soft chuckle.

“So please forgive him, yeah? I’m sorry I couldn’t help but to overheard your conversation. Don’t take it to the heart, Mark was probably too excited. He didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know. No offense is taken. I just need some time to digest it.”

“Take your time,” she continued with her bouquet, tying up the ribbon as the final touch. “Though, if I could suggest, I think our daffodils are very pretty today.”

“Daffodils?”

“Yes, the yellow ones on that corner,” she pointed at a bunch of yellow flowers. “I’ll help you with a bunch. It’s on a house, as an apology from making you uncomfortable just now. Are you going to put it on a vase like the usual or are you going to give it to someone?”

Yuta widened his eyes, quickly shook his head, “Oh please no need, I’m not offended by all means.”

“As the owner of this shop, I insist, Sir.”

Yuta hesitates, but eventually gives in. “The usual. Actually, a single bloom is fine. I would feel bad, you know, if you're going to give me a bunch. Business is still business after all.”

His remarks only caused the other party to scoff, “Our business is doing well, Sir. So please don’t fret on it. Anyway, it would mean a different thing if I don’t give you in a bunch.”

“Different thing?”

“Ah,” She closes her mouth with her hand. “Don’t mind too much on it.”

-

After spending the whole day outside, all Yuta needs is a refreshing shower to wash down his sweat. He placed his new floral arrangement on his dining table, before taking his shirt off when he walked towards the bathroom. He threw his shirt to the laundry bag, and unlocked his phone, ready to play his shower playlist.

Bunch of daffodils?

He suddenly remembered how the florist mentioned the different meaning of daffodils. He quickly changed the tab, typing the question on Google.

Smirk appeared on his face, after so many days shied away from the surface.

“Rebirth and new beginnings, huh?” He said to himself. “How cheeky.”

He puts down his phone on the countertop, resting his arms at the sink before looking at himself in the mirror.

Yuta is determined.

He picks up his phone once more, dialing a number.

“Doyoung, do you know the best hair salon here?”

A/N: We’re back with this!! I’m so so excited to continue this hehe~ To be honest... continuing this series gives me a lot of anxiety. What if the audience don’t like it? What if the one who loves Interlude won’t like my approach on continuing the story in Yuta’s POV? At some point it was difficult for me to write this, but as I persistently write this, it became more and more enjoyable and eventually those thoughts don’t appear as much!

Another thing to note, to prevent any confusion, the reader for Prelude will be ___ instead of the usual [Y/N]. [Y/N] belongs to Interlude! So think of her as another character for Prelude!

Also again, I’d like to remind you guys again since there’s only three additional songs, this would be a mini-series instead of a full series like Interlude. But hopefully, you would still give Prelude tons of love too!

[lost-inyourwords]

bad ideas can have good endings (Maeve Wiley x F!Reader)

Request: “Hey! if you are still taking requests could i please have a maeve x female reader where maeve gets outed by Otis when he’s drunk and tells everyone that she likes R? maybe angst with some fluff? Thank you!!!!!!!” @onehellagaykid

Warnings: minor angst, underage drinking, minor retching/vomit mentions

Word count: 1849

A/N: thank you so much for your request! I had such a blast writing this and I hope it’s everything you imagined :) feedback is mega appreciated and requests, as always, are open!

This party was a bad idea. Maeve knew it, Ola knew it, Otis had yet to figure it out and Eric was too busy inviting people to stop and think about it. As [Y/N] put on her outfit for the night, she was looking forward to the carnage that a party brings but there was dread in the back of her mind. What if she got too drunk and accidentally told an Untouchable to shove their million-pound attitude up their ass? What if she blacked out and ended up missing school? Who has a party on a Thursday anyway? Pushing her apprehensions to the back of her mind, she fastened her necklace; a simple silver chain with a small bee-shaped pendant. 

 “Where are you off to then?” Erin drawled once again. Maeve could swear she felt the headache arrive moment by moment, “Nowhere,” came the quick reply. The faster she got out of the caravan, the less questions she’d get. Erin, ever the supportive mum, scoffed dramatically. “Fine, don’t tell me. Is there at least a boy involved?” she pleaded. Fine, Maeve would indulge her for the 20 seconds she had left of lacing up a boot. “No, there isn’t. I keep trying to tell you that boys have never - and will never - be involved,” she reprimanded. Erin did her best not to look wounded but Maeve could tell there would be no further conversation. Pulling her tote over her shoulder, she left the caravan and waved ‘bye-bye’ to Elsie though the window. Turning toward the exit of the park, she sighed. This was a bad idea. She heard Isaac trying to taunt her again but decided she didn’t want to potentially get involved in an assault case, so she simply sped up and put her mind in a different place. 

 Otis Milburn is not what you would describe as a “frequent drinker”. In fact, many people wouldn’t describe him as a “drinker” in the first place - not even himself. This Otis, though, would say something very different. That is, of course, if he could get the words out without burping obscenely or choking back a bit of sick. Yes, Otis Milburn - sex kid, Moordale’s very own urban legend - was drunk. Not just drunk, but positively wasted. [Y/N] wondered if he thought this was a bad idea. She found Eric among the heaving crowd overtaking the house. 

“What is he doing? I’ve never seen him like this,” she said, unable to contain the concern in her tone.

“Relax! He’s fine, just enjoying himself and letting loose a little. Speaking of which, can I get you a drink? You look so wound up,” he slurred slightly.

“Yeah, alright. Just a cider or something though, I have to walk home after this,” she replied, conceding that she was a little high-strung by the stressful week behind her. Maeve had come back to school. Yes, Maeve, the one and only girl who had ever made [Y/N] think about love outside of the fairytale bubble containing a white picket fence and 3 kids whom all look too similar to truly pick a favourite. That word hadn’t even been in her vocabulary until she came to high school and met the smartest person she knows. She’d read so many great books thanks to the once pink-haired rebel. Had enjoyed so many hours of amazing music both with her and because of her. She’d been devastated last term when everything went down with Sean. She’d sounded so sad over the phone. They’d tried to keep in touch but there was only so much that they could do until the horrible drift happened. [Y/N] would actively avoid the pretzel shop at the local shopping centre because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold back her pity. Despite how strongly Maeve carried herself, [Y/N] knew what happened behind closed doors. The breakdowns, the empty laughs, the glazed over eyes at 2am when sleep evaded her. Besides, [Y/N] had started talking to Otis after Maeve disappeared. He’d confessed about how sorry he felt for the way things ended and all he wanted was to see her again one more time to just apologise and tell her how proud he was of her. It was sweet. Perhaps he was thinking about that right now and needed alcohol to numb the pain. Maeve had just strolled in the door, after all.

 Upon stepping foot inside, Maeve recognised that this party was already a disaster. Not 30 seconds had passed before she saw multiple people drunk off their faces and at least one person puking in a bin. Charming. Eyes scanning the crowd, her gaze fell lovingly upon the makeshift bar in the kitchen, which she made a quick beeline towards. Pouring a too-strong drink, she let herself drift. She didn’t need to think tonight; maybe she’d let herself get blackout drunk for once. Losing control could be good. Feelings were too complicated anyways; especially those involving other people. Like [Y/N]. Especially [Y/N]. Maeve’s thoughts and dreams had been overtaken by visions of the girl; from daydreaming about going on cheesy dates to nights spent dreaming about… more inappropriate activities. She longed to feel [Y/N]’s hand in her own, to kiss her in the morning at school, even to watch her fall apart underneath her when she finally gives her what she begged so sweetly for. Having gotten lost in her own thoughts again, her eyes drifted towards [Y/N] and Eric, standing next to someone hunched over a bin. Again, she contemplated, charming. 

 Otis retched once again, the sound ripping through [Y/N]’s ears despite the blasting music flooding the house. Eric tutted softly. 

“You are such a lightweight, man. How can you not even hold down a shot?” He pleaded, clearly exasperated. Rahim seemed to apparate out of thin air and dragged him away with nothing but a suggestive look that he hoped [Y/N] didn’t see. She did, but elected to ignore it. If there was anything she wanted to avoid tonight, it would be a horny and impatient Eric without his best friend by his side. Otis finally straightened up from his shameful hunch over the bin and swiftly headed back to the kitchen for a refill. Would he ever learn? She decided not to think about that and instead let her eyes scan her surroundings. So many teenagers - so many insecurities in one room. How many of them were getting completely wasted to forget about their feelings or their home life? How many were looking for a random hookup just so they could brag to their friends about losing their virginity? She silently hoped that Maeve didn’t fall into that last category.

 Maeve pounded her second shot. “Fuck it,” she murmured to herself. Making her way across the room to where [Y/N] stood, a wave of confidence flowed through her. Even though she knew that was simply her blood flowing faster due to the booze, she still felt empowered. She was finally going to do it. After a year of looking away right before she got caught staring, a year of daydreaming, a year of pining, she’d finally let her true feelings be known.

Otis had poured his fifth drink for the night and set his sights for [Y/N]. He needed to apologise. He didn’t know what for, but [Y/N] had such a sad look in her eyes some days - Otis definitely knew it was somehow his fault. Swishing the plastic cup in his right hand, he contemplated what he would say before getting to her. His train of thought was interrupted when he felt the sharp-smelling liquor splash and land on his shirt. He turned rapidly, ready to throw venomous words at whatever clumsy asshole wasn’t watching their step, but his sentiments died quickly in his throat when he saw Maeve’s brown locks. She swivelled on the spot. Paused for a beat too long.

“...Oh. Hey, dickhead,” she said, straight-faced and terrifying as ever.

“Hey. Wa- watch… where you’re going, maybe?” Otis replied, bold, and suddenly really feeling that fourth shot.

“Yeah, sorry,” she brushed him off and tried to continue on her way to [Y/N]. 

“HEY! Don’t walk away,” he shouted, unfortunately loud enough to catch the attention of pretty much everyone downstairs. 

Shit. Why was he trying to make a scene? Is this just what he’s like when he drinks? No-one should have ever let him near any alcohol in the first place. God, she could punch him right now.

“Sorry, Otis. Do you have something to say?” she spat, quickly losing her nerve.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I’m sorry, okay? I’m- I-” he stuttered, retching a little. 

“Go on then, spit it out!” someone yelled before turning the music down. Oh great, Maeve thought. So we’re involving everyone in this then? 

“I’m sorry about all the shit that went down with you and Jackson last term. I’m sorry you have to live alone and all your family left. And I’m sorry that.. that you’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. Trust me, I know the feeling, Maeve,” he finished, his eyes landing directly on [Y/N]. She backed away slowly, her eyes never leaving Maeve’s, and disappeared upstairs.

 Maeve could feel tears forming in her eyes. The quicker she found [Y/N], the better. 

“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Otis. Oh and by the way, I’m sorry that you can’t wank or hold a girlfriend down for longer than six months,” she uttered, before running after [Y/N].

Maeve eventually found [Y/N] in the bathroom after very unfortunately stumbling upon Eric and Rahim’s… activities in Otis’ bedroom. She’d never closed a door so fast in her life. Sitting opposite her on the floor, [Y/N] took a deep breath. 

“So… is it true?” she asked. No point beating around the bush. Either she denies it and they continue this weird song and dance or this ends happily ever after.

“Is what true?” Maeve parrotted. This wasn’t happening. [Y/N] forced out a huff.

“Fine. If that’s what you want to do, then there’s no point of me being here. I’m leaving,” she snapped. She didn’t need any more bullshit tonight. Anger flared through her as she stood and made for the door. 

“Wait!” Maeve called out, reaching the door before [Y/N] and putting her weight against it. “Look, I’m sorry, alright? It is true. I… I have feelings for you. It’s really hard because I know you’d never feel the same so I’m sorry that he embarrassed you like that, I’m gonna go kick his arse-” she rambled before being cut off by [Y/N]’s lips on her own.

“Shut up,” she mumbled against them. “I like you too, alright? Have for a while. Been thinking about doing this for a while, too,” she confirmed.

“Me too,” Maeve said, pulling away slightly. “Can I kiss you again?” she asked softly. Turning them around so that [Y/N] was backing her up against the wall, she replied, “Of course”.

[razorblade180]

Sunshower 10

[1 of 2 parts]

Ilia:You see them yet?

Sun:Nope.

Ilia:Honestly, Neptune has blue hair. He should stick out like a sore thumb.

Sun:We’re on an island with every faunus trait imaginable. Doesn’t everyone sort of stick out?

Ilia:You have a point. Can’t see him, neither of us have the skill to smell him…

Sun:I mean I kinda do.

Ilia:What?

Sun:Smelling. My nose is slightly keener than most. Not by too much though.

Ilia:Hmm, the more you know.

The two continued to walk along the increasingly crowded beach; their hands still together. Ilia led the way with a brisk walk that would’ve been too much for Sun if it wasn’t for his longer stride. He knew she walked fast but he never realized just how fast until now.

Sun:Uhhh in a hurry?

Ilia:What?

Sun:You’re bobbing and weaving in between people like a madman. My arm might as well be a limp noodle now.

Ilia:Sorry, just really focused on finding those two.

Sun:.....

Sun:Is being alone with me weird?

Ilia stopped dead in her tracks and turned to him. Sun wasn’t prepared for that reaction and couldn’t stop moving before being mere inches away; to the point he had to look almost directly down to see her. She looked into his eyes a bit panicked. A tint of red growing across her cheeks.

Ilia:N..no! That’s not why! Things are a bit awkward for sure but I don’t want to think-

Sun:Woah! Hey, I wasn’t being serious. Just trying to break the ice and all.

Ilia:....*squeezes hand*

Sun:Ow!

Ilia:Apology accepted.

???:Well look who finally decided to party!?

Sun and Ilia finally break eye contact and look towards the water to see their runaway friends. Judy waved enthusiastically as she approached them with Neptune behind them. The boy looked a little pale from what Sun noticed. It wasn’t long before Sun looked down and realized Neptune was walking barefoot. His feet were covered in sand. Wet sand.

Judy:Hey guys! Where y’all been?

Ilia:Looking for you two! What happened to meeting up by the boardwalk!!?

Judy:Oh yeah, both of you were taking your sweet time so I was showing goggles here a good time. We were enjoying a nice little walk by the ocean.

Sun:Nice huh? *looks at Neptune*

Neptune:Y...Yep. Totally nice and c...calming!

Judy:? Uhhh are you getting cold?

Neptune:I just need a minute. I’m fine. Probably need some food.

Judy:Oh ok. If that’s the case then Ilia and I can get some food real quick while you boys find a good spot to sit.

Ilia:Can’t we all go together? I don’t feel like losing anyone in a crowd again.

Judy:Well you’re definitely not losing one of us it seems.

Ilia wasn’t sure what Judy meant by that. Then, it hit her. She looked down and saw that she was still holding onto to Sun. Ilia looked back to see an intrigued look on the cops face and an even more invested look on Neptune’s. Sun acted quickly and shook his hand free and began explaining. Ilia wasn’t sure why but feeling him let go kinda...stung? She hadn’t noticed how cool the air actually was until he had let go.

Sun:Right Ilia?

Ilia:Hmmm? Oh! Uhh, yeah. What he said…

Judy:Gee, how convincing. Anyways,if you really want to all stick together that’s fine I guess. Just the four us. Getting food together. In pairs. At a party. Like a double-

Ilia:Sun and Neptune, stay here close to the ocean. We’ll be right back. *walks off*

Neptune:Wait! Get me away from the wa- and they’re gone.

Sun:Did Judy seriously manage to get your feet in the water?

Neptune:Dude, I can’t look like a wimp here. Especially in front of them. Judy is so cool!

Sun:We know a lot of cool people. None of them can get you in the water but me. You’re going all in this time.

Neptune:Pffft it’s not like that. *red*

Sun:If you say so “goggles.” Heheheh

Neptune:Oh so we’re teasing now? If that’s the case, what’s up with you and Ilia?

Sun:Nothing!

Neptune:Judy and I saw you two staring at each other and holding hands like if vows were about to exchange vows.

Sun:You’re ridiculous.

Neptune:Yeah okay. So what’s going on man!?

Sun:Literally nothing. We talked, got on the same page, and now we’re cool. Friends at a party that are having a good time is what’s happening.

Neptune:So it’s not awkward?

Sun:Of course it’s awkward! It’s only been like a day. Things are still fresh. Not to mention a bit….

Neptune:Sexually charged?

Sun:*red* I didn’t say that.

Neptune:Didn’t need to. I’m sorta a pro when it comes to these things.

Sun:You’re a virgin…

Neptune:I meant being uncomfortable ya jerk. I’m gonna let that comment slide though. Your brain is probably preoccupied with other thoughts right now. *smirks*

Sun:Shut up. Can we change the conversation?

Neptune:Sure. Oh yeah, how did hanging with Yang and Blake go?

Sun:Sigh...can we go back to the first conversation?

xxxx

Ilia:.....

Judy:*smiling*.....

Ilia:Please don’t.

Judy:That Sun fellow seems nice. Definitely cute.

Ilia:I said please.

Judy:We are in the middle of a food truck line. Gotta kill time somehow.

Ilia:Silence?

Judy:You’re no fun. Come on, something is up. They didn’t make me a cop for nothing.

Ilia:Funny, I thought they were just understaffed and needed bodies.

Judy:Ouch...cutting a little deep there. I’m only trying to see how you’re doing. Makes filing your reports easier.

Ilia:What does my love life have to do with my parole?

Judy:So he’s a part of your love life?

Ilia:I...no. Fuck you. You know my type.

Judy:Oh you’ve made it apparent multiple times. Does that mean I should expect to be spending the night? Again?

Ilia’s ears turned a bit pink as she felt Judy’s had touched the middle of her back. Quickly she grabbed the fox girl's hand and looked at her. Judy stuck her tongue out teasingly as they moved up in line.

Judy:The fact that you’re so defensive speaks volumes about something.

Ilia:Why is this so important to you?

Judy:It isn’t really. I’m only trying to satisfy my curiosity. You, Sun, and even Neptune all seem to be acting a bit strange. Surprisingly, Goggles knows how to keep a secret. Even when he’s controlling his fear of water.

Ilia:He told you about that?

Judy:No but every time he let out a small gasp when a wave touched his toes told me all that I needed to know. Looks like you made a good friend. Not surprising; your judge in character is typically good.

Ilia:That’s rich coming from my parole officer.

Dan:Next customer- oh...hey...

Ilia:You’re working at the food truck? Don’t you wanna party?

Dan:I like money, and don’t care much for people.

Ilia:Relatable.

Dan:We have burgers, hotdogs, and a variety of drinks. Also fries.

Judy:You know...probably should’ve asked them what they want-

Ilia:Two hot dogs and two burgers. All with fries. Iced peach tea, iced mango tea, and blueberry lemonade. Give this slacker water.

Judy:Hey!

Ilia:She’s buying as well.

Dan:Okay.

Judy:What!?

Ilia:It’s only right. All this free community service doesn’t do well for my bank account. Also the oldest should always pay. It’s only right.

Judy:*grabbing wallet* You’re lucky that I think you’re endearing.

Ilia:Cool. Dan, make that water a Coke.

Dan:On it.

Judy:Okay so I know that’s my favorite drink, but does that mean the other drinks you ordered are their preferences.

Ilia:Maybe.

Dan:Yes.

Ilia:Can you not?

Judy:You were paying that much attention to them huh?

Ilia:I’ve known them for a bit.

Dan:She’s seen them order it once.

Ilia:Dan we’re going to fight.

Dan:Or you can take your food now. *puts tray down* Enjoy the party.

Ilia:Thanks.

She reaches to grab it but Judy cuts her off and takes it. The two begin slowly walking back towards the water. Ilia can’t help but look at Sun sitting next to Neptune and laughing about who knows what. Sure he was admittedly cute; she wasn’t blind. Not to mention he was nice, but there needed to be more than that. Still,she couldn’t shake off their night together. Her heart pounded thinking about their conversation on the roof. It was so...liberating. So comforting, the way they confided in each other. Not to mention his tears. He actually cried for her. That was more unexpected than what came after.

That warmth. That mix of fear, comfort, and excitement. It was...new? Definitely different, but not bad; definitely not bad. Her face began to heat up thinking about what she could remember from their heated exchange. What was his take about his experience? Did… he enjoy it? Why did she care? What was this ache that hit the pit of her stomach every time she looked at his face.

Ilia:Judy?

Judy:What’s up?

Ilia:What if...something did happen? Something that wasn’t bad but isn’t exactly good either? What would you do to explain it?

Judy:That’s extremely vague but...I’d try to figure it out. Word of advice, your “type” is just like everything else in your life; it can grow and evolve. It’s even possible that you never really figured it out in its entirety. Take it from me, you never stop learning about yourself. Ilia you are young and at one of the best, if not the best place to party in Remnant. Have fun and take your time.

Ilia:Wow, that might be the most grown up thing I’ve ever heard you say.

Judy:Hehe, you’re not the only one who’s been doing some growing lately. Times are changing. Don’t stand still.

She hands Ilia the tray and winks as she nudges her a step forward.

Sun:*blushing* Dude I don’t need this.

Neptune:Anything happens at a party dude.

Sun:Except for that, unless I want it to.

Neptune:Or you’re drunk.

Sun:Shut up! I don’t need a-

Ilia:We’re back.

Sun:H..Hey!

Neptune:Gasp! Blueberry lemonade!

Ilia:Yep, got you a burger too, and a mango tea for Sun.

Sun:You actually remembered that?

Ilia:Is...that weird? It’s only been like a day or so.

Sun:I know that. I just didn’t think….never mind.

Ilia:O...kay? Everything cool?

Neptune:He’s still a little burnt out from his conversation at Blake’s place.

Judy:Oooo what’s that all about?

Sun:Nothing really.

Neptune:Everything actually. A little bit of a romance problem.

Sun:Basically I sort of thought there was something between us and maybe there might’ve been? Doesn’t matter now; she’s home with her girlfriend Yang and it’s gotten to me a tad bit.

Judy:You look like you’re doing well.

Sun:I got into a drunken argument with Yang and almost broke a guy's arm. Yang and I made up tonight but then I left the house right afterwards. Being around them right now is sort of…

Ilia:Numblingly irritating. Not in the fun way either. *bites hotdog*

Sun:I was gonna be nicer than that but, yeah. That’s sort of what I’m feeling too.

Judy:To think Ms. Belladonna had three different people gunning for her heart. Is that why I saw you completely hungover Ilia? Drinking your sorrows away?

Ilia:Something like that.

Judy:Tough break. I see how you got to that point but personally, I would’ve tried something different. The best way to stop thinking about one person is finding yourself around others.

Neptune:We all were sort of disjointed last night. A plan was in motion but it all crumbled.

Judy:Ah. Still, heartbreak and booze is dangerous. I would’ve just gotten laid.

Hearing that almost made Ilia choke. How was Judy tiptoeing around so many land mines by accident!? Sun was able to keep his composure but just barely. The two remained silent and continued to eat while Neptune was trying not to laugh. Looking at either one of them could be fatal. Pretending that he’s only being a shoulder to lean on for one and not the other was challenging. He could tell both were quietly screaming “help” in their own ways.

Neptune:(Guess I should do something.) You wanna dance Judy? (Why did I say that?)

Judy:Huh?

Neptune:Dance, everyone is partying around us. I’m feeling better and music is blaring. So let’s dance. Unless you’re scared.

Judy:Not at all. Let’s all get up and enjoy the festivities in a few minutes. Imma let this food settle real quick. After that, the fireworks should be about ready to go off in about another hour. Sounds like a good way to wrap the night up since a certain someone put a time limit on being out.

Ilia:You’re lucky I didn’t go back home the minute I didn’t see you all waiting for me.

Judy:Whatever. You’re happy you came. Now let’s party!

Judy hopped up and took Neptune’s hand then ran off towards the crowd of people. The poor boy barely had time to grab his lemonade. Sun Ilia couldn’t help but laugh at how easy it was for Judy to get Neptune doing whatever the fox faunus wanted. It was a good thing that Judy wasn’t the kind of person to take advantage of others.

The laughter quickly ended when the two realized that they were alone again. They looked at each other at the same time and didn’t do anything but stare for what felt like hours of uncomfortable awkwardness. A couple more seconds passed before gears finally started turning and they ran to catch up with their friends. Being alone was too much right now.

Though Ilia was reluctant to come out, she was actually happy she did. It took a little time but she was getting in the spirit of things. Neptune was still an atrocious dancer but Judy didn’t seem to mind one bit. He actually looked like he was getting a bit better at it if Ilia squinted hard enough. Sun found himself dancing a ton. The boy went from one dance partner to another; whoever was up to it.

Ilia was no exception. Eventually he ran buy and took her by the hand to move closer to the center of the party. He probably started with others in order to hype himself up she thought. Surprisingly, it went well. There was a bit of anxiety whenever they started but nothing major. She was having fun and he was too. It’s like what Judy said, it’s a party. Not having fun would be tragic.

The night continued with splendid music, food, laughs, and exactly one bottle of beer. Ilia caved a little on her self imposed rule. She needed a bit of liquid courage to the edge off. Thankfully Judy was there to make sure “a little bit” was exactly what Ilia got. Now all four sat comfortably on two benches. watching the dazzling fireworks display. All of them in pretty good spirit and exhausted feet. Sun had planned to sit next to Neptune but Judy dashed those plans quickly. Now he was next to Ilia. It wasn’t as weird as before yet he couldn’t help but feel his heart race a little. There wasn’t much room to sit so being a few inches apart was unavoidable.

Ilia was too busy watching the fireworks to really notice. She’d finally gotten swept up in the moment. Sun watched her gaze at them in peaceful bliss. Each one that went off made her eyes grow bigger; her skin constantly changing colors with them as they lit up the night sky. She wasn’t the only one changing colors though. Sun could feel his face getting red the longer he looked at her cheerful experience. Something about it was so….calming.

He would’ve stared at it for hours if she hadn’t tuned to him by chance and he was forced to act like he was watching the sky the entire time. Unfortunate for him, Ilia isn’t stupid. It was strange. She felt kinda happy he was looking at her for whatever reason. This initiated both of them trying to steal glances from one another. A game that didn’t go unnoticed by their friends.

Judy:I could be wrong but do I see a different kind of fireworks happening between those two.

Neptune:I wouldn’t go that far. Sparklers for sure. I hope they know it isn’t the most subtle thing either.

Judy:Not likely. But enough about them. So, tonight has been fun. Getting any fireworks between us Goggles?

Neptune:*red* That’s...I...your are definitely something bright and fiery.

Judy:What does that make you?

Neptune:Burning up and melting helplessly.

Judy:Hehe, I’m that intimidating? I know I tease but not that much.

Neptune:Pretty sure I’m over thinking a tad bit. A surprise date is, well, surprising. Trying to make sure it goes well.

Judy:Yeah I did kinda spring this on you. Well for the record, I’ve been enjoying it. Question is, are you more concerned about it going well or ending well?

Judy leans in closer with a devious smile. Neptune didn’t comprehend the words they spoke for a couple seconds but immediately got the message moments later. The realization noticeable from the blush on his face.

Neptune:Oh I...that wasn’t my intent...well it crossed my mind. Not that it was the only thing I was thinking! I thought of plenty of other stuff besides you. Physically I mean! You’ve been on my mind all night. That...sounded weird. Was-

His adorable rambling was cut off by their finger pressing against his lips. He wasn’t joking about burning up. Poor boy got to the touch.

Judy:This is the furthest you’ve gotten with someone hasn’t it? Be honest with me.

Neptune:More like it’s the first time in a long time that this felt more than just an act. This feels...real. In a sense. Like I’m not going through the motions.

Judy:Tell me Goggles, how do you want this night of yours to end honestly? Cause I can tell you how I want it.

Neptune:I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love for us to spend the entire night together, but I’d also be really nervous about it the entire time.

Judy:(He’s so cute when he’s trying) Say, why don’t we continue this conversation back at your room? Talk more about the things we currently want, and see what goes from there?

Her voice was low and like silk. She looked at him with such a playful yet honest desire as Judy’s finger trailed off his lips and down to his chest. Nervous wasn’t enough to describe Neptune’s current feelings; he didn’t even trust himself to speak at the moment. All he did was nod. After that, Judy took his and stood up eagerly. This night gave a lot of information about Neptune and it was checking off a lot of the right boxes. Ironic for someone who’s spent a lot of time trying to not be put in one. Neptune wasn’t exactly sure how things got to this point so fast. Parties are a thing of mystery. He wasn’t going to chicken out of what this night might hold for him and mentally tried to psych himself up before leading the way. He didn’t get far since….

Sun:Uh, where are you guys going?

Neptune:(Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be helping them. Gods damnit….) we were…

Judy:Fireworks are almost over and even though the party will probably rage on for several more hours, I think I’ve had my fill. So Neptune and I are going to his place and get to know each other a little more. Hope you don’t mind?

Ilia:What!? Is this an all night thing or what?

Judy:My, my, that’s a bit of a personal question don’t you think? Who’s to say really?

Ilia:Don’t get cute with me. At least go to your place. Sun needs a place to sleep.

Sun:Oh hey I actually didn’t think of that. Thanks.

Judy:No can do. My place is a mess and there’s sensitive files out that shouldn’t be seen by civilians.

Sun:Are you making that up? You wouldn’t actually leave something like that out right?

Ilia:She’s a workaholic; not to mention a clutter bug. There’s totally something left out on her coffee table right now.

Judy:And my bed, couch, probably the sink. His place is nicer.

Ilia:But-

Judy:If you care so much about Sun sleeping somewhere nice then take him to your place.

A massive firework shot up and lit the entire area with dozens of smaller ones. in a grand finale. There it was, the stinger to this entire night. Completely overshadowed by what Ilia just heard. Suddenly all the anxious, awkwardness, and butterflies in her stomach came rushing back. That one beer threatened to even come back up for a split second with how hard her gut dropped. She wasn’t facing Sun but she knew he was definitely feeling the same. Judy was playing dirty. What happened to taking things at your own pace!?

Ilia:That’s-

Judy:You have a futon if I remember correctly. Not to mention a bunch of pillows. He can sleep there and you sleep in your room. No fuss, no muss. Unless, there’s some reason that’s a bad idea?

Ilia:*mentally taxed*....

Sun:...I could go back to my room at Blake’s?

Neptune:Dude...

Ilia:But you don’t want to be there.

Sun:Yeah. Doing something that you’re not comfortable with and ruining their night sucks as an alternative. So I’ll-

Ilia:You’re coming home with me.

She said crossing her arms and giving him a look of dissatisfaction. The others stood quietly. They weren’t expecting the sudden shift in attitude.

Ilia:Seriously, I thought I told you that you have to stop drawing the short straw for the sake of others all the time. You don’t think I’d feel guilty putting you in a position where you’re miserable?

Neptune:She’s right. Be a little greedy for yourself sometimes man. No need to always bite the bullet.

Sun:I…*scratches head* my bad.

Judy:Well if that’s settled then we’re all set. Ilia, don’t worry about community service tomorrow. Take a proper morning to unwind. Leave the paperwork to me.

Ilia didn’t get the chance to respond before Judy left with a flustered and nervous Neptune. Once again, her and Sun were left alone. Only this time it felt like they were back on the pier. Ilia rubbed her arm and try finding anywhere to look that wasn’t his face. That stupidly endearing face.

Sun:So you wanna party a bit more before heading back?

Ilia:I think Judy robbed what energy I had left. We can start heading back and talk on the way.

Sun:Okay.

That might’ve been the plan, but it did not happen. Not exactly anyways. They did indeed leave behind the festive noises and laughter to finally turn in for the night but talking felt impossible. Sure there was plenty they wanted to say, but they never managed to find the words for them. Instead they walked as quiet as death itself on the way to Ilia’s house. Each with a thousand unspoken thoughts on their mind. Sun contemplated on if this was a good idea while Ilia tried her best to remember just how clean her house was. She’d never have a guest. Not even Blake. Ilia’s home was her escape from the world; her little piece of sanctuary in the chaos she called her life. Now she was about to share it.

Part 9

[queencarolinemikaelson]

We’ll Never Be Royals

Klaroline Bingo as hosted by @klaroline-events Prompt // Royals (Though, perhaps not quite the ‘Royals’ story you’re expecting! Enjoy!)

/

Klaus’ heart was p u m p i n g.

He didn’t think he had ever been quite as nervous as he was right in that moment. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he was nervous at anything? It was kind of his thing to be level headed and unfazed. 

But apparently his cool-calm-collected persona was shattered by performing – who would have thought?

Certainly not him.

Although, he never thought in a million years he would ever actually do any performing.

Klaus had always been a behind-the-scenes, out-of-the-spotlight kind of person. Don’t get him wrong, he loved attention, but only on his terms, and definitely not when he had to sing in front of a thousand or so people.

He felt nervous beads of sweat begin to form on his brow, and a lump rise in his throat.

He couldn’t do this? He couldn’t do this!

It had honestly never meant to get this far – but he couldn’t help himself.

It all started a few months ago, when Klaus transferred from his university in the UK to Whitmore College. He was just strolling around the campus, getting a feel for the place when he had seen her.

Now, he knew he wasn’t a stalker, and it was quite the point of pride with him that he didn’t chase any of his ladies too hard. But the moment he clapped eyes on her, it was almost as if his entire being had been taken over by some external force.

She had bouncy blonde hair, and twinkling eyes. She seemed to exude a sparkle that Klaus really just wanted to blanket over him at all times.

So he had followed her. And he really had planned on just talking to her, but became far too proud at the thought – pushing against one’s own nature for a girl? Preposterous! But he followed her long enough to notice she pinned a poster up.

A poster which he casually sidled up to to read.

Auditions!

The Whitmore Whistlers are looking for Sopranos and Baritones.

When: Thursday, September 5 & Friday, September 6

Where: The Whitmore Auditorium

For an audition pack, send us a Facebook message or email us!

Klaus hadn’t really even known what the Whitmore Whistlers were, but he emailed for an audition pack anyway.

Apparently they were an a cappella singing group.

And when he’d shown up for his audition a week later, she had been there.

Caroline.

She gave him the sunniest smile he had even seen, and welcomed him in.

“The choir needs boys more than I do!” she laughed, as she introduced herself, and the rest of the audition panel.

Klaus had nervously, but quite tunefully, sung the set audition piece. And three days later he was an official member of the Whitmore Whistlers.

Fast forward a few months, and here he was, many rehearsals later waiting to sing to a crowd at the regional a cappella championship.

Why on earth had he done this again???????

“Hey, you’re gonna be great.”

A gentle hand rested itself on Klaus’ shoulder.

Oh, that’s why.

“I’m very nervous,” Klaus muttered, keeping his voice low – he was side of stage, after all.

“I can tell,” Caroline smiled. “But you don’t need to be, your voice is magic, and you’ve worked really hard to learn your part. You’re going to be wonderful.”

Klaus looked into her twinkling eyes, and he thought maybe – just maybe – the nerves were worth it.

“Y’all are up!” the stage manager whispered, commandingly. “Chookas!”

Klaus barely had a moment to register the strangeness of the word chookas before he was poked in the back to move out onto the stage.

God, his hands were shaking. Was it worth it? Was she worth this??

Caroline took her place at the very front of the group, her presence engulfing the audience. She gave the crowd a rye smile, raised her microphone to her lips, and nodded the Whistlers in with a bar of four, before she began to sing.

I’ve never seen a diamond in the flesh

I cut my teeth on wedding rings in the movies

Yes. She was worth it.

And I'm not proud of my address In the torn-up town, no post code envy

Her voice was so clear, so powerful.

But every song's like gold teeth, Grey Goose, trippin' in the bathroom Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams

As Klaus’ cue to begin singing came, he took a deep breath and concentrated on his own part.

But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your time piece Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair

As they built toward the chorus, Klaus let the euphoria of their voices and the music take the place of the nerves.

And we'll never be royals – royals It don't run in our blood That kind of lux just ain't for us We crave a different kind of buzz Let me be your ruler – ruler You can call me Queen Bee And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule Let me live that fantasy

As the group began stepping to the beat, and the song continued, Klaus had a few moments beyond his body, and he was mildly bemused by his behaviour.

If one of his siblings had done something like this for a love interest, he would never let them hear the end of it.

Perhaps he owed Rebekah an apology.

His mind and body synced back up just in time to enjoy singing the final chorus.

And we'll never be royals ­– royals It don't run in our blood That kind of lux just ain't for us We crave a different kind of buzz Let me be your ruler – ruler You can call me Queen Bee And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule

The song drew to a close, and Caroline took one step forward, her commanding gaze somehow boring into every eye in the audience.

Let me live that fantasy.

There was a moment of silence as her voice rang out the final line of the song, before the crowd began their applause. Maybe he was being biased, but he was pretty sure it was the loudest it had been all night.

Caroline took a bow, and led the rest of the group through their bow, before leading them from the stage.

“You did it!” she said excitedly to him, as they made their way back to the greenroom. “Congratulations on your first performance!”

She squeezed his arm, and gave him that dazzling smile of hers.

“I told you, didn’t I! I said, Klaus, we’ll make a performer of you yet!”

She let out her tinkling laugh, and bounded away, to congratulate and encourage some of the other new members.

And Klaus could help but grin goofily, and think about how warm and/or fuzzy he was feeling.

It was about thirty minutes later when Caroline was trying to convince the group to get after-show drinks.

“Come on guys, the rush of performing is the best chaser to all drinks!!”

But between excuses of early morning classes the next day, the fact it was already 10pm, and the Whistlers post-regionals house party was only two days away, there wasn’t much interest.

“I’m not averse to a drink,” Klaus said, casually.

“Yes!” Caroline cried. “I have one, that’s enough! Bye guys! Text me if you decide to join!”

With that, Caroline looped her arm with Klaus’, and pulled him away from the rest of the group, beginning a cracking pace.

“Afraid I’ll change my mind, love?”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Caroline laughed, as she continued her speed. “I’m just freezing out here!”

“Would you like my coat, sweetheart?” Klaus offered, graciously. “I come from a much colder climate than this.”

“No, no, it’s okay, it’s only about a seven-minute walk away, we’ll be there soon.”

“Where is?”

Caroline just gave him a sly, side-ways smile, but didn’t reply, opting instead to happily hum Royals.

“When will we find out results?” Klaus asked, after a minute or so. “Of the championships, I mean.”

“Apparently there are too many groups to judge on one night these days, so I think tomorrow night after the second round?” Caroline said, in an unsure tone. “We’re meant to send a representative to collect the award in case we win, but I can’t be bothered doing it, and neither can the rest of the committee, so we’ll just collect the trophy if we win another time, and not waste a precious night if we don’t.”

“I see,” Klaus replied. “What happens if we –”

But he was cut off as Caroline squealed, “We’re here!”

Caroline pushed her way through the door of the little place – which looked far more like a café than a bar, in Klaus’ humble opinion – and took a seat on a squishy looking couch, immediately picking up a menu to inspect it.

“This place looks… nice… quaint,” Klaus mumbled to himself, thinking it wasn’t quite what he was expecting, given Caroline’s fervour to get there.

“Yeah, it doesn’t look impressive, but everything on the menu is so good,” Caroline said. “They do the best loaded fries I’ve ever had, but they stop doing food in like ten minutes, so hurry up and choose!”

Caroline giggled a little to herself, as she resolutely shut her menu, and looked pointedly at him. He fumbled a little with his menu, in his haste to meet Caroline’s expectations – and she was right, everything on the menu sounded delicious.

Before a couple minutes were up, their orders of two plates of loaded fries, and a pitcher of mulled wine each, were in, and for the first time that evening it was just the two of them, with nothing to do, and nowhere to be.

Klaus thought that maybe it was the first time ever that it was just the two of them, with nothing to do, and nowhere to be…

“I’m really glad you joined the Whistlers, Klaus,” Caroline said, genuinely. “You carry your part really well, and I know you’re new to the collegiate a cappella style, but you’re a natural.”

“Thank you, Caroline,” he said, slightly taken aback by just how sincere she was. “Your voice is phenomenal, and you do a spectacular job leading us.”

She smiled warmly at him, but forwent a response to pick up the drink that had just been placed in front of her.

They fell into easy conversation after that, and their one glass of mulled wine turned into two, then it was four, and both of them were feeling warm a little buzzed – and were somewhat obnoxiously testing out new harmonies for a song Caroline was arranging for the Whistlers.

“See, I wanted to do this – you sing the melody and I’ll sing the harmony,” Caroline said, before singing the line they were rehearsing. “But then I actually think I want this.”

“We sound much more like the Whitmore Wailers right now, if you ask me,” Klaus said, smirking.

“Wash your mouth out!” Caroline said in faux indignation. “I always sound perfect!”

“Repeat that mantra to yourself, if you must, love, but I know the truth.”

Her faux indignation, making way for more serious incredulity, Caroline gave him her most petulant pout, and swatted at his chest.

Feeling cocky, Klaus caught her hand with his, and kept it firmly in his grasp, levelling his flirtatious eyes at her.

Caroline’s face dropped its melodrama, and she stared into his eyes, her breath hitching a little.

He quirked an eyebrow as her, and carefully manoeuvred his hand so his fingers were laced with hers.

“Your hands are softer than I imagined,” she said absent-mindedly.

“You’ve imagined my hands?”

Caroline blushed, and looked away, but kept her hand tangled with his.

After that, the conversation, while still easy, was a lot more layered and no opportunity for entendre or flirting was missed. And when they left an hour later, in the Uber back to campus, Caroline leaned over to softly kiss him.

It was a gesture he eagerly returned, and soon their kiss was anything but merely soft.

They broke apart for just a moment to climb from the cab, and immediately their lips were attacking each other once again.

Until something seemed to click in the back of Caroline’s mind.

“Klaus, wait,” she said, pulling away from him, with a little pop.

She was a beautiful shade of flushed, and Klaus couldn’t help brushing her hair behind her ears, with both of his hands.

“Gosh, Klaus, I’ve wanted to do that for weeks but…” she said, before clapping her hand over her mouth, flustered.

“I’ve wanted to do it too, love,” he said, his voice seductively low. “You are so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she said, staring up into his eyes.

He placed another kiss to her lips, though this one was far more chaste than the previous ones.

“I really want you to come up,” Caroline whispered, nervously chewing her lip.

“But?” he prompted.

“But I don’t think you can… my roommate… is Bonnie from the Whistlers. And I love her, but she will not approve – apparently you’re not experienced enough to be a Whistler, I actually pulled rank on her to get you in, and she accused me of only wanting you in because I thought you were hot. And if I sleep with you… she’ll just assume I let you in to… you know… she’s right… even though you definitely deserve your spot.”

Klaus nodded curtly, he had got the impression Bonnie didn’t like him.

“But maybe…” Caroline said, barely above a whisper. “Maybe, you can take me out next week?”

“Like a date?”

“Yep, like a date,” she shrugged a little. “I like you Klaus.”

“I like you too, Caroline.”

The two smiled at each other, and just held their intimate position for a couple of moments.

“But the real question is, love,” Klaus said. “How on earth will I keep my hands off you at the party this weekend?”

Caroline grinned wickedly.

“Maybe we will just have to be really careful.”

“Dare I say, we’re caught up in a love affair?”

“We’ll never be royals, Klaus,” Caroline said.

“You know, that’s not quite true, part of my family line is English nobility. My eldest brother, Finn, is something like 47th in line to the throne,” Klaus said, smugly.

“Oh my god, Klaus, you’re supposed to say ‘I’ll rule you, if you let me, or something!”

“Oh, right you are, love,” Klaus said, before clearing his throat theatrically. “I’ll rule you, if you let me.”

Caroline rolled her eyes, melodramatically, but laughed at his joke. As she turned to go, the promise of the future hopefully between them, she threw over her shoulder –

“I’ll let you live that fantasy. Night Klaus!”

“Good night, Caroline.”

/

Hope you like my first of only about five things for Klaroline Bingo! As I said, it’s probably not quite the Royals you were expecting, but I couldn’t help myself! hehehh I’m such a choir nerd. I used to run a choir, and I literally said to one of the people I was auditioning ‘the choir needs boys more than I do!’ lololol.

The song they’re singing is obviously Royals by Lorde!

[theshelbycurse]

Escaping Bodyguards

OC Shelby!Sister

Summary: Lyssa Shelby is the twin sister of Finn Shelby and has always been protected fiercely by each and every one of her siblings. On the day of her brother’s wedding, Lyssa finds herself trying to navigate the ways of her protective older brothers while also having a bit of fun. 

Warning: swearing, drinking and the tiniest crumb of smut that you can easily skip. (with an OC, NO incest will be happening today people.)

*not my gifs

Words: 5848

Today was the day. Throughout the many trials and tribulations that this family had faced together, Lyssa had to admit the strangest sight she has ever had a chance to witness was her brother, Thomas Shelby, standing in a Church, waiting for his bride. 

Growing up in the Shelby clan, was unconventional to say the least. With an illegal betting shop running rampant on a daily basis just underneath her feet, to men with guns turning up on her doorstep for a various sleuth of reasons. It had reached a point where Lyssa would open the door and simply sigh in boredom of the predictability of it all. 

Though while most would think that because Lyssa belonged to the most powerful family in Birmingham that her life was filled with excitement and adventures to an enviable amount. But sadly for the fifteen year old that most certainly was not the case. As Lyssa found herself with three and a half (Finn really tries his hardest sometimes) bodyguards spoiling any fun she might have. 

Every time so much as a drop of whiskey ends up in her glass, Arthur is the one to steal it from her grasp and finish it off in one annoying gulp. Any time a lad so much as looks in her direction, John has stormed over to go and rob them of their eyes. And if it probably weren’t for Aunt Pol’s words of restraint then Lyssa was sure that all the boys in Birmingham would have been blind

But Tommy, he was by far the worst. 

Since the moment that Tommy had locked eyes on the bouncing babe, the heart that he so adamantly denies owning melted to a pathetic little puddle. So from then on he has been by the side of Lyssa Shelby at his every possible moment. Helping her grow and watching her become the beauty that she was today. 

But with that came its challenges, Lyssa had true Gypsy blood coursing through her veins that flooded her with this near untamable wildness that had Tommy exhausted at all times. And with age it most certainly got more dangerous, with her desires for partying, drinking and riding until the crack of dawn had paired alongside her looks that got most lads drooling from the corner of their mouths. 

But today was different. Lyssa had promised him and Aunt Pol to be on her best behaviour throughout the whole ceremony. Though, Tommy wasn’t exactly going to be placing any bets on it. 

The wedding was predictable, the Shelbys all rowdy and noisy, Lyssa’s cheers reaching Tommy’s ears with an unspoken glee over her acceptance to his more than risky choice in wives. And then of course Grace’s more poised side of the family. The calvary suit wearing cowards and their wives all sitting so straight Lyssa was sure that they must be held up by the sticks that were wedged so far up their arses. 

The large group of bustling folk all pushed and pulled one another to the steps of the Church afterwards, John dragging Lyssa around with his arm draped over her shoulder as they whispered vulgar jokes to one another. The pair ultimately finding themselves beside Tommy as they grinned up at him with that mischievous glint that had him cursing under his breath. 

Once the photo had been taken, the large party found themselves scampering back to Tommy’s large manor for the real fun to begin. Lyssa and Finn sharing gleeful glances to one another, in hopes that they might actually get the chance for some real havoc tonight. 

But not even five minutes after entering the house, had Lyssa been dragged by her elbow by none other than her less than gentle eldest brother, Arthur. “What are you doing? I haven’t even done anything.” Lyssa squealed, fighting weakly to get out of Arthur’s tight grip whilst he tugged her throughout the lively party. Her face set in a deep frown, as she watched the envious sight of everything going on around her, with the knowledge that she was most definitely not going to be able to get anywhere near it.

“Yeah, and your not gonna do, are ya?” He not so gently demands, peering down at his wild sister as she makes good effort to avoid any scrutinizing eyes. With a heavy sigh, not in the mood for the taming of her inevitable rebellious tendencies, Arthur continued on his war path towards the meeting he knew was to take place. “This isn’t about you Lyssa. Tom wants a quick family meeting.” He responded, stomping through the maze of the house with John clipping at their heels. 

After a fair amount of arguing between the three siblings on the right direction to the kitchen they finally found their way after the guidance of Tommy’s shouts leading them to their destination. Clomping down the stairs the three of them marched over to Tommy, Lyssa finding herself leaning beside Arthur as they waited for whatever this is to be over with. 

“Right, boys, Lyssa, you’re all here. Today, this is my fucking wedding day.” Tommy proclaimed like they all weren’t just at the Church watching him take his vows less than 20 minutes ago. Lyssa rolled her eyes, sensing the second round of lectures she was going to get. 

“Yeah, and you said there’d be no bloody uniforms.” John retorted, his anger for the red suits being one of the only things John has blabbered on about with Lyssa this entire day.

“Nevertheless- Nevertheless John, despite the bad blood, I’ll have none of it on my carpet. Now for Grace’s sake, nothing will go wrong. Those bastards out there are her family. And if you fuckers do anything to embarrass her, your kin, your cousins, your horses, your fucking kids, you do anything...”

“Tom? Jeremiah piped up, thankfully breaking Tommy out of boring rant. 

“What?!”

“What about snow?” He asked, naively, Lyssa having to bring her hand up to her mouth to stop the giggles from toppling out of her mouth. 

“Yeah, their women are sports, I’ll say that.” John joked, ruffling Jeremiah head in a tight amusing headlock, providing Lyssa with just enough distraction to steal the cigarette from Michael’s lips and bring it to her own. Swatting away his attempts to retrieve it back with ease as she let the vile toxins run rampant in her blood. 

“No. No. No cocaine.” Tommy’s finger pointing down the line of boys with a set of instructions for each. “No cocaine. No sport.” He told John. “No telling fortunes. No racing.” He told Arthur, moving until he was in front of Lyssa and stealing the cigarette out of her lips and tossing it to the ground with that stern parental stare she loathed.“No drinking. No boys.” He commanded, Lyssa’s eyes growing wide and mouth dropping wide open in an almost comedic sight, ready to object to his ridiculous rules. 

But he was already off, moving to Finn without giving her a chance to breathe, grabbing each side of his cheeks in a tight grip. “No fucking sucking petrol out of their fucking cars.” He seethed, spinning around and marching over to Uncle Charlie lounging against the wall casually. “And, you, Charlie, stop spinning yarns about me, eh?”

“I’m just trying to sell you to them, Tom.” 

With a hand coming to pinch his eyes, in that typical sign of his overwhelming irritation, Tommy continued. “But the main thing is, you bunch of fuckers, despite the provocation from the calvary, no fighting.” His fury once again, making him step back up to John and Arthur. “No fighting. No fighting. No fucking fighting.” He fumes like a madmen, running up and down the line until he marches back into the center of the kitchen, holding his arms out wide. “No fucking fighting!” His voice bouncing off the porcelain walls with enough might that Lyssa was surprised hadn’t even managed to cause any one of the bustling workers to jump in fright.

Nodding to himself at the satisfying silence, Tommy brought his cigarette to his lips one more time, turning his head to the side to look at Lyssa, red in the face from the injustice she must be feeling. “All good with you, Lyssa?” He questions, clear in his voice that he wasn’t really caring for any opinions that his dear baby sister must feel.

“No wa-” Her objection not even a third of the way out her mouth before she was predictably cut off with a wave of his hand as he stomped his way over to her. 

“Good.” His tone final, as he cupped her cheek in his rough calloused hand and put a kiss to her forehead. The scene being abruptly ended by a poor misfortunate waiter mistakenly bumping into the pair, his fate being sealed as Tommy threw him down to the ground in one harsh shove while Arthur chose to throw some miscellaneous glass at the lad. 

Yet, while as entertaining as the moment might have been, all Lyssa could think about was how much she wished she was never born a Shelby. 

~~~~~~

Night had finally taken over, and despite Tommy’s strict instructions, Lyssa was predictably ignoring them. Though if Tommy thought that Lyssa would have been able to sit through the shit storm that was Arthur’s speech and not down at least an entire bottle of champagne, then he was truly going mad.

With the alcohol warming her blood and the bubbles rising to the tips of her head, Lyssa found herself wandering round and round the many halls of the house until she found herself stumbling outside to sneak a peek at Finn’s riding skills that had apparently been commissioned. 

Welcoming the night air into her lungs with a deep inhale, a fluttery grin stretched over Lyssa’s lips as she looked over to the blurry figures all crowding around the fire not too far away. Using the trees as her coverage, Lyssa sneaks to the edge of the party, peering around a large trunk. The alcohol in her veins not making her as foolish to believe that her older brothers wouldn’t crucify her to the spot if they saw she had snuck out to watch the men’s business. 

Watching as Finn crossed the finish line with large strides in front of his opponent, Lyssa’s smile grew impossibly larger, following him on his horse as he continues a few more feet before bringing the beast to a stop and dismounting her. Feeling braver in herself, Lyssa takes the potentially foolish move and ventures out of her hiding spot and over to her twin in a mad dash of wild dark curls bouncing in the wind behind her. 

“Well, well, well, and I was just starting to think that you were completely useless.” Lyssa teases, her brother whipping his head in the direction of her voice so rapidly he nearly tumbled over his own feet. A sight that already had Lyssa bursting into infectious giggles. 

“Lys, what the fuck you doin’ out here? If Tommy spots you-” Finn garbles out, tumbling over his own words as he looks over Lyssa’s shoulder frantically, scared of the thrashing both of them will probably earn if any of their older siblings catch Lyssa stumbling around in the dark. If it wasn’t evident enough, being the twin of Lyssa Shelby was one of the cruelest curses there was, and Finn was very much aware of that. 

“Calm down Finn, I thought your recent victory would have you in better moods.” Lyssa jokes, an uncontrollable round of drunken giggles falling out of her lips in the most obvious of ways. The very sight of it, making Finn spout every cuss he knew under his breath. 

“And you’re off your fucking arse. That’s just bloody great that is.” He mutters, running a hand down his face like he’s some old fucking soul having to babysit some demon child. It continuing to be absolutely hilarious for Lyssa to witness. 

“Jesus Finn, sometimes I think I have more balls than you do.” She jokes playfully, hands coming to rest on Finn’s shoulders as she gives him a light shake. “Come on brother, just let me have fun for only this night, eh?” Pretty blue puppy dog eyes staring hopefully up at him, that Finn was almost sure might even manage to get the likes of stone cold Tommy to bend to her will. 

“Yeah, come on Finn, the young lady here is just wanting to have a good time. I vote you let her.” An unfamiliar male voice comes injecting into the air before Finn even had a chance to inevitably cave into her demands. Rowdy laughter falling at its heels as the two siblings turn with furrowed eyebrows to a small group of four or five boys crowding a few steps away from them. 

Suit jackets long forgotten, with only their crisp white shirts on display and loose bow ties hanging around their necks while a bottle of dark amber liquid gets passed back and forth between them all. Yet, there was no need for questions on who decided to put their opinion forward, as in the middle of the joyous group laid a man with glistening eyes and a snake charmers smile, both of which being directed on the youngest Shelby. 

With a new sense of thrill coursing through her veins, Lyssa turned to the unknown boy with a smirk tugging at her lips while the fire burning beside them created shimmering patterns on her jet black curls. “And I’m guessing you have suggestions on how I should spend this good time.” She teased, not even having to look towards Finn to know the face he was predictably pulling. 

“A few come to mind.” He replies, an annoyingly arrogant grin painted on his face as he attempts at closing the gap between them. 

Where she was sure that this mystery charmer was expecting the usual routine of girls crashing down on their knees for him after giving them one small ounce of his prestige attention, Lyssa was much too stubborn to fall under some rich boys tricks. “Sorry pretty boy, but if I was to have one night of freedom, I wouldn’t be turning to you.” She retorted, the show of turning her body away from his and back towards an impatiently anxious Finn not fooling many for the need this girl is obviously wanting to be chased.

“And why’s that?” He calls out once more, determination mixed with the necessity to prove his manly bravado to the group of his friend spectating, not faltering his efforts. 

Turning her head back towards him with a sickly sarcastic smile, Lyssa couldn’t stop her champagne-filled mind from blurting out the first snarky thing she came up with. “The kind of excitement I’m looking for wouldn’t end in a couple minutes.” That smile of his only seeming to lift higher from the fiery girl’s venomous tongue, while the loud obnoxious laughs and shouts echo behind him from his fellow companions.

Though Finn was in no mood for such amusement, as he quickly spots that familiar hunched over figure marching over to the spot he was regrettably standing. So, with hurried movements, Finn grabs a hold of Lyssa’s shoulder and whispers down in her ear, away from the continued laughter the boys relent in stopping. “Alright I think it’s time you get back inside, yeah? I think I see Arthur coming over.”

With a clarity bursting through her tipsy haze, Lyssa’s eyes grow wider than they already comically were as she mutters a fuck under her breath as her gaze too lands on the unmistakable sight of her moustache owning brother rapidly coming their way. Swiveling around to face her charmer, Lyssa rushes out a somewhat goodbye, “Well, as entertaining as this was, I’ve got to go.” 

Without even waiting for the confused ramblings she was certain were going to be called after her shadow, Lyssa’s long lanky limbs sprinted back towards the golden archway beckoning her safety away from overprotective bodyguards. Yet, as predictable as it was annoying, a harsh calloused grip grabs a hold of her elbow and has he stumbling on her feet upon meeting the hard stone-like chest of her unknown creeper. 

But Lyssa isn’t given a moment to scramble and fidget against what could possibly be an overzealous drunken taking his chance on an unguarded companion, because their voice quickly squashes any fear and turns it into a completely different emotion entirely. “And what are you doing out ‘ere?” John’s hold on her arm growing to uncomforting levels. 

“John, let me go!” Lyssa whined, pulling and tugging against him no matter how futile it was seeming to be. 

“Not until you tell me, why me little sister is running round in the dark, stinking of booze worse than fucking me and Arthur put together.” John demanded, and despite having no where near the amount of fear imposing aura that Tommy exudes, he actually managed to cause of flutter of panic in Lyssa. 

Stopping her weak attempts to break free, Lyssa’s eyes move sheepishly downcast as she tries to avoid meeting John’s crazed parental stare that she honestly didn’t know he had the capability to possess. “I just wanted to see the races, ok?” She meekly responded, her words coming out slightly muffled and only reducing her to more of a child-like standard. 

Finding it near impossible to maintain his gruff persona, especially when his baby sister was looking more and more like that naive little 10 year old she had been when he came back from the war, John relented his grip and blew out a heavy sigh. “Fine, alright, but you best get back inside. There’s some fucking shit happening on tonight and Tommy will have a fucking fit if you get mixed up in it, yeah?” Lifting up her chin with his index finger til she met his gaze, with that new troubling curiosity. 

“What’s going on?” She questioned with newfound excitement, the world of the Peaky Blinders always providing her with this bursting want to know more and more, until she possibly couldn’t store all the information away.

Yet, it seemed that thirst for knowledge wasn’t well appreciated by her other family members, as with an unavoidable slap across the back of the head, John cursed her off with a less than gentle shove back in the direction of the golden archway. “What did I just fucking say? Get back inside.” And with her better judgement, Lyssa went on her way back inside, unbeknownst to the fascinated eyes trailing behind her. 

~~~~~~

Lyssa had actually managed to listen to her brother this time, knowing just the one thing not to fuck with was, business. As despite the many adventures of her life and the many troubles she has tumbled in, never once has she been brazen enough to battle with the dangerous underworld her family seemed to encompass. 

Tommy saw to it that the littlest of his siblings stayed in the shadows of the gangsta lifestyle he committed himself to, the only gift they were given being a silent bystander in the background of family meetings out of the courtesy the title has. Family. But otherwise, Lyssa and Finn were to keep their hands clean from the blood and dirt, that he was sure would have rottened them down until they were just as broken as the three worn torn brothers battling their demons at every crossroads. 

Granted he may have been more lenient when it came to the activities he chose to include Finn in, but no chance between an inch of his life would he ever beckon Lyssa into it. And he did to warn her as such at every opportunity that was given to him. 

So, with the new damper in moods, Lyssa saw it best to camp out in Tommy’s office alongside a large bottle of champagne. It being the safest of whereabouts in order to not accidentally tumble onto a scene she should very much not be anywhere close to, so as to avoid a thrashing from either her aunt or brother that would have the back of her head sore in the morning to come.  

Roaming around the large - potentially obnoxious - room, Lyssa lazily snooped through all the pictures littering the mantles whilst taking leisurely sips from the bottle in her hand. Not even taking too much notice to the sound of the creaking door being opened behind her. 

“And here I was thinking that I had simply made you up.” A voice called out, that same voice that secretly nearly had her swooning earlier in the night. It causing her to spin on her heels to look at the painfully stunning boy leaning against the door with one hand on the handle.

“Did I really hurt your ego that badly that you’ve come searching for me?” She teased, that playful smile crossing her face once more as she watched him daringly inch further into the room and shut the door to a solid close behind him. A perfect smile of his own sitting on the corner of his lips so enticingly. 

“More my pride.” He replied, his feet taking him further into the fire lit room while Lyssa remained off to the side, eyes never falling apart from one another. 

“You’re a prideful man then? I must saw I was hoping for something not quite so predictable.” Lyssa snarked back, breaking off the locked gaze as she moved herself over to Tommy’s large desk to fully lean on, the painfully constrictive shoes forcing her feet with some much needed relief. 

“So you admit that you were hoping for something?” He switched back onto her, that damn smile too dazzling to not draw Lyssa back in to that equally as dazzling face. 

“I admit nothing.” Lyssa surprised by her own control to keep her voice level and chin pointed upwards, even with his continued path gaining closer and closer to small frame. 

A small breathy laugh leaves his lips at her unwavering stance, the sound being enough for Lyssa’s grip round the bottle to tighten ever so slightly. It was really beginning to irritate her slightly that nearly everything he did seemed to make him more attractive. 

“To answer your question, if I’m a prideful man? The answer is no.” The proximity between them melting until it was nearly nothing, his hand coming to unlatch hers from around the champagne bottle to put it on the desk beside her. His warm breath fanning Lyssa’s rosy cheeks. “But you set me a challenge. And I’m never the one to back down from a challenge.” 

He was towering over her now, hands coming to gingerly place themselves on either side of her waists while hers remain frozen to her sides, all of Lyssa’s brain function flying out the window. She was shocked that she was capable of uttering out any more words. “I don’t remember any challenge.” Her voice just above a whisper at this point, as if they were in a bustling room trying to keep their conversation quiet enough so they would be the only ones that could hear it. 

In an action that made an audible gasp come falling out of Lyssa’s mouth, his hands on her waist tightened and lifted her up and onto the desk with his new place being found between her newly opened legs. All sense of space completely banished as her hands came to grip on his most likely expensive suit jacket while his remained fierce on her waist. 

Lips a mere inch from one another, Lyssa’s darkened eyes found his as he uttered his next words. “You reckoned I could only last a couple minutes. I’m here to prove you just how wrong you are.” Without a moment even to let his words sink in, his lips were crashing into Lyssa’s, no tender moment shared but only a lust filled battle for dominance that the Shelby was happy in conceding in. 

Her hands winding up to take purchase in the soft tendrils of his hair on the back of his neck, her sharp nails digging in roughly that left a gaspy growl fall into her mouth. His movements not being any gentler as the grip on her waist tightened impossibly firmer, pulling her into his hard chest while remaining seated on the desk. 

With nearly all the air being sucked dry from their lungs, both parties pulled away only by a hair, their heavy breathing filling the silence that is quickly replaced by an abrupt breathy moan coming out of Lyssa’s mouth as he moves down to place hot wet kisses down the length of her neck. Expertly finding the sensitive spot just in the crook of her neck, below her earlobe, causing a euphoric feeling of bliss taking form in a multitude of quiet moans filling the air.

The sound being enough for Lyssa to feel the breathtaking feeling of his hard cock beginning to bulge against the warmth of her inner thing. Greedy hands moving quickly to rid him of the belt constricting him away from her, the action alone admitting another guttural growl out of him as he moves his own hands down to her soft thighs. 

Mouths finding each other once again while the final pieces of clothing are stripped away from their most sensitive areas, Lyssa’s moans erupting in his mouth as she feels his cock aline to her slits. And with one slightly unexpected thrust, Lyssa wasn’t able to quieten herself as yet another moan slips out into the empty office. It echoing off the walls forcing her to move her mouth to his shoulder to muffle the noise, whilst he continued on with his mind fogging thrusts, getting deeper and harder at each movement. 

However, just as Lyssa began to feel the uphill climb begin towards her climax, the grand door blocking them off from the rest of the party comes swinging open in a rapid succession. The action immediately setting both Lyssa and....the boy who she has realised remained nameless throughout... into hurried and clumsy movements as they bounced off of each other and attempted of sorting their clothes in a stupidly inconspicuous fashion.

With the worst dread she has ever felt in her entire life, Lyssa locked eyes with Tommy, sliding off his desk and flattening out the end of her skirt with an awkward and uncomfortable smile stretching on her lips. She just watched Tommy stand there, his jaw visibly tight as his cold eyes continuously flicked back and forth between herself and the boy with his back turned to him still as he continued to readjust his cock back into his pants. 

The silence of it all torturous as Lyssa waited for Tommy to do something; whether that be to start screaming or pull the gun she knew he had hidden somewhere around his office and end the poor lads life right where he stood. “What is this then?” His voice chilling Lyssa straight down to her bones as he wafted his hand between the two of them, it terrifying her so deeply that all the words in her vocabulary had simply escaped her. It leaving her mouth to simply open and closed like some sort of pathetic fish thirsting for oxygen. 

“Eh?” He prompted, eyebrows raised so high that they were nearly falling under his hair. Heavy footsteps storming closer to the door left wide open, only to slam it close in a thunderous clap that reminded Lyssa of the storms that used to terrorize her as a child. “You see, cause from where I’m standing-” His footsteps bringing him back into the centre of the room, his eyes blazing fury as he meets Lyssa doe eyed gaze. “It looks like that I walked in on me 15 year old sister getting fucked by some stranger, on me own desk, in me own house, on my own fucking wedding night!!” He roared, his presence trapping Lyssa against the desk as he stood a mere two steps away from her, like the true lion that he is looming over his prey. 

“Mr Shelby, if I may say that I’m sorr-” The boy sputtered out, not even being able to get his flimsy excuse of an apology out before Tommy quickly strays away from Lyssa and goes marching over to him. 

Tommy’s hands find themselves wound tightly around the poor lads neck, pushing him into the hard wooden wall behind him with such might that it has him already gasping with a necessity to breathe instantaneously. Ignoring the shouts Lyssa gives him from her place against the desk, Tommy’s hands dangerously tighten as he leans further into the struggling boy’s face. “If you are not out of this house in 30 seconds, then me and me brothers are going to start slicing pieces off of you until no girl is ever going to be able to stomach looking at that face of yours again.” Giving him one last knock against the solid wall before he forces him to meet Tommy dead in his ice blue eyes. “Is that clear?”

His dark threats gaining a hurried nod from the boy, before he is quickly scampering out the room the moment Tommy relented his life threatening grip. The speed he was moving in that would’ve proven comical to Lyssa under literally any single other circumstance then the mortifying one she found herself drowning in.

The moment that the doors once again slammed with a heavy bang, Tommy managed to turn his attentions back onto his little sister, that same questioning look from before still painted on his features as their gazes locked onto each others. “So?” He prompts, motioning with his hands in an annoyed attempt to start hearing whatever tales and excuses she has on the tip of her tongue. 

Though, while Lyssa usually finds herself fully capable of combating any person, in any situation, with her witty remarks and scathing snars, she find herself for once in her life with a complete blank slate on what it is she could possibly respond with that wouldn’t make this all horrifyingly worse. “I’m not quite sure what you want me to say.”

Retreating back into the cold, quietly threatening state that Tommy so loved to impose on his sister, his ice blue gaze burrowed deep into the meak facade Lyssa tried to defend herself with. “How ‘bout you start with telling me how long it’s been going on.” He not so subtly demands of her, the thought of what she has been doing for god knows how long making his jaw clench into near teeth shattering tenseness. 

“How long what’s been going on? I just met the lad tonight! I-” Lyssa retorts back, her voice already raising to risky levels. 

“Hey!” He cuts her off, striding back towards Lyssa with a finger pointing right into the center of her face. “I have about a million fucking things going on right now and so one thing I really don’t need is your fucking cheek!” He boomed, only lowering his voice for a mere quarter of a second as his eyes grow scarily dark peering into Lyssa’s icy blue. “Now you’re going to explain to me why you think it’s right that you can go around fucking whoever you fancy like some common whore, when you are only 15 years old!” 

As the words leave Tommy’s mouth, all thoughts of fear for the wrath of Tommy Shelby dissipated into nothing but an overwhelming rage that was tearing up her insides into flares of flames. Pushing against his chest with a mighty shove, Lyssa watched as he stumbled with a deep satisfaction. “God, can you hear the amount of fucking hypocrisy-”

“Look at you using fancy words. At least I know that you’re still going to school.” Tommy snarks, antagonising her to the furthest of her wits end. The feeling of literal smoke coming out of her ears sounding too much like reality.  

“Fuck off.” She spits, marching right back up to his face with that infamous Shelby anger waging a war inside of her. “You know we are literally standing in a house you share with your new wife who I’m sure wasn’t the one to be waiting for any vows to spread her legs open for you. I mean there’s fucking living proof sleeping just above our heads yet I don’t see you calling her a fucking whore!” 

Hands gripping onto her jaw with a bruising force, Tommy seethed, “Oi, you say another word-.” 

Shoving his hands away from her, Lyssa let out a breathy humorless laugh. “Yeah I get it Tom. Big bad scary Tommy Shelby’s going to set me out straight. You don’t have to say any more.” 

A deafening silence rung in the air for much longer than was comfortable, both siblings simply staring at one another with harsh heavy breathing being the only thing that was left to fill the room any more. “Right.” Tommy muttered, reaching into his pockets for his trusty cigarettes. “You are obviously having too much fucking freedom down in Small Heath. So, starting tomorrow, I’m sending a few boys to come and pack up all your stuff to bring here. You’ll be living under my fucking roof, where I can keep an eye on you and where there are gonna be some strict fucking rules, that starting from now, you are going to follow.” Tommy listed off, that calm business-like stature oozing off of him in infuriating waves. 

Knowing that she was fighting against a losing battle, Lyssa tried to object in the service of her pride. “Tom, you can’t be serious!” 

“Oh I am, and if I here that you have been running off with any sort of boy, then you will get the fucking thrashing of your fucking life. Do I make myself clear?” Tommy threatened, and by this point Lyssa was not brave enough to combat against his dark intimidations. 

“Yes.” She uttered, any sort of adrenaline wearing off of her tired bones as she lazily met Tommy’s gaze with little interest. 

Tommy stood there studying her for a second longer, wondering if some sort of second wind was going to hit her. But with the pleasant silence, Tommy simply motioned to the door with equally as tired movements. “Good, now go up to the guest bedroom and sleep it off. Hopefully the hangover tomorrow will serve you as a good start to your punishment.”  

And so she did. Lyssa trudged through the party that was only beginning to wind down and up the grand staircase and into the room that had been assigned to her, only this morning. Flopping face first on the comforting mattress, willing sleep to guide her away from the madness of the Shelby clan and into a world of her wildest fantasies. Neither Tommy or Lyssa knowing the fate that had been sealed for her that night as new plots thicken and new enemies crawl out of their shadows with her position has now being maneuvered into the firing line. 

~~~~~~

A/N  So this is my first post on here. I’ve written fanfics before on Wattpad and stuff but the format on here is so different so I’m unsure how I feel about it so I would love some feedback and if anyone would like some more moments from Lyssa and the Shelby’s please hit me up

[justhereforseverus]

A Rose by any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet

Miserable_toad

Chapter 14: I would not wish any companion in the world but you

Summary:

It's the day of the Yule Ball but you had a rather unpleasant night. Full of anxiety, hopes and uncertainties you follow Severus to the dancefloor.

Notes:

Lyrics by Taylor Swift from the song “This is me trying.” I’m obsessed with her latest album ‘Cardigan’ so I’m not sorry at all to include the lyrics here. This fic won’t be over anytime soon. Still much to work through with these two. I have to admit, I wasn’t very satisfied with chapter 13. Sometimes I tend to pack way too much of my own insecurities/anxiety and stuff in there, which might ruin the story for anyone outside. I apologise for that.

Listen to the song here to set the mood during the dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bdLTPNrlEg

Thank you all for your kudos and comments!! They really make my day every single time! Thank you so much for reading!

Chapter Text:

There were no classes on a Saturday, and we’ve all been busy with our own preparations for the ball. I woke up nervous, scared and numb. I had a nightmare in which I was back in London in our old backstage area. He was there, threatening us, yelling at us, making our life hell. As a consequence, a heavy cloud hung over me. I was looking forward for this evening for weeks and now anxiety reigned my heart. In addition, I’ve found another note in my pidgeon hole with the familiar red lettering of ‘whore’. I tried to calm down with tea and did some reading in my studies, thinking to myself: “Please don’t ruin this evening. Everything is going to be fine.”

Severus had send me an owl to let me know he’d pick me up at 6. Punctual as ever, he arrived at point 6 on my doorstep. He was wearing a finer version of his usual buttoned-up jacket made of soft cord fabric. His jacket was embellished with green and golden tendrils growing all over it. He wore a finer white silk shirt underneath and his longer signature sleeves were decorated with sparkling silver buttons. All this was matched with his usual black trousers. His hair elegantly framed his face and looked fluffy and soft. A white handkerchief with a lily printed on it was put in his breast pocket. He looked at me for a moment with eyes wide open, then bowed down and kissed my hand. “My lady, you look wonderful tonight.” I chuckled and thanked him for the complimemt. He looked very handsome tonight, too. On the way to the ball, my anxiety still overcame me and I couldn’t stop shaking. He put me aside in an empty hallway to ask me how I was. I just told him I had a rough night with some nightmares and was incredibly nervous. But that I was also looking forward to the evening. He looked at me worried and then said: “It’s fine. I have to admit.. I’m nervous, too. This is the first time I’m having someone next to me. But..” and here he took up my hand and squeezed it: “It’ll be fine. I don’t care about them or their words. I just want to be here with you and we can go whenever you like.” I nodded and smiled.

Usually teachers who are not head of houses do not stand in the first row when the opening dance is undergoing. Unless of course they are the chosen dance partners. Thus, I stood in the front with Severus as I was his official +1 (though I was invited individually as every staff member). Next to us stood Dumbledore who held hands with McGonagall, Flitwick who, as I was told, usually chose his wife but she was unable to make it this time, so he went with his friend Madame Pomfrey instead. Sprout had brought her tall red-haired girlfriend named Chloe. While we watched the head boys and girls dance, I could feel the eyes on me and Severus. He held my hand tightly but looked as aloof, desinterested and confident as always. I looked around and caught Remus sitting on one of the tables behind me smiling and winking at me. Sirius sat next to him in a dashing red velvet suit. He had put his hand on Remus shoulder and the other in front of his mouth, clearly hiding his laughter. I jokingly rolled my eyes when I saw him and waved.

After the head prefects had their chance to dance alone, the headteachers would be next to join. Remus told me that Severus had never joined in the dancing before and usually left quite early. This time it was different. He led me to the dancefloor and I almost tripped over my own feet because I was so nervous. But he was a marvellous dancer. Despite Remus’s training in the days before the ball, I was dead focused on not making any missteps. Severus though led brilliantly and thus it turned out ok. I think at least. He looked so satisfied and I forgot everything and everyone else in the room including my own anxiety for a while.

After the opening dance was over and the music changed into something faster and more casual, we returned to the tables reserved for the staff. Remus and Sirius came over our way. Remus was the first to talk: “Hello Severus, I didn’t know you could dance so well. That was a great performance. I could learn a thing or two from you.” Severus replied rather dismissively but polite: “Thank you, Professor Lupin.” And then… said nothing else. Silence. You could feel the tension in the air. To break the ice a bit, I said: “I hope I’ll see you two on the dancefloor soon. How are you, Sirius?” Sirius replied, after giving me a hand kiss while looking rather cheekily at Severus: “Oh, my lady, I’m doing very well tonight. And just you wait. Me and Remus have plans to dance all night and it will certainly be a show worth watching.” - he winked. He then turned towards Severus with the utmost politeness and a sarcastic little bow: “Hello to you, too Professor Snape! We haven’t seen each other for a long time. I’m glad to see you are well.” Despite these relatively harmless words you could tell he was enjoying this in a way he shouldn’t. Severus looked unimpressed with an elevated eyebrow on Sirius. He replied rather cold with a slight hint of sarcasm: “Hello Mr Black. Yes, I am. What a surprise to see you’re honouring Hogwarts with your presence once again.” “Well Sni.. “ and here Remus punched his elbow into Sirius side. “Professor Snape, someone has to take care of Remus as long as his girlfriend is gone. He isn’t exactly my type, but I volunteered to keep this scruffy professor safe.” And here he patted demonstratively Remus’s shoulder. Remus looked back at him with a very puzzling expression but then took him by the hand and said “We probably should get to the dancefloor now. Come on, Sirius.” Both waved at us and then moved towards the dancefloor.

I turned to Severus: “Well that was.. something. Sirius really tried. Why do you hate each other so much again? Remus just told me that Sirius was quite the troublemaker and you both didn’t get along at all back in school.”

Severus mouth frowned before he dismissively replied: “Long story not worth telling. But yes, I agree he was a troublemaker, always willing to put others down that he didn’t like. James Potter and he were a horrible combination that endangered the life of others. I see he hasn’t changed much, though he apparently can be polite now if he needs to… with a little help. But to change the topic: Who is Remus girlfriend?”

“ It’s Nymphadora Tonks. Do you know her?”

He nodded: “Yes, briefly. Smart girl but always seemed to be with her head somehwere else and very clumsy. Remus was always the most responsible one of the infamous Golden Trio. Guess, she is a good fit. In the end, we all got older. She might have changed.”

“She is really nice. They’re a wonderful couple.”

Severus looked absentmindedly around: “Indeed. Would you like something to drink?”. We both got some wine from the bar and sat at one of the tables in the back. It was quite empty. Most staff were either on the dancefloor or standing around it to watch the others. The bar was also rather crowded. Severus put his arm around me, and we were watching the dancing crowd. I felt a bit better now that the official dance was over. Some people continued to stare at us and then whispered in hushed tones. It made me feel uneasy but at the same time kinda proud. Though, I wanted to finally clear something up no matter how much I dreaded the question. I asked with a shaking voice: “Severus. Are we.. are we a couple?”

He looked at me like I’ve just declared that I was a lizard and the earth was flat: “What kind of question is this?” - he blured out. “I assumed that would’ve been the case for a while. I’m surprised you still saw this as an open question.”

Ouch…..damn me. “I mean, yes? I don’t know... You were so open in London but here. Obviously, we shouldn’t be all lovey dovey in front of everyone all the time but I thought you wanted to keep it a secret here. Either because you weren’t sure or because you were ashamed or something. Of course, now that we danced together and we’re here as a couple for everyone to see it’s more clear but.." I sighed..."Ok, I don’t know why I thought.. ugh.”

He drew in a long breath before saying: “You’re right but I wanted to wait until you act on your accounts. I don’t have problems showing affections here. But you seemed hesitant about it and maybe you’re not the type for that stuff. Yet, I’ve always seen us as a couple. I didn’t think we had to officially declare it somehow.”

“I’m sorry.. you know how I am.”

“Yes, I know. And that’s fine. Even though it doesn’t have to be said out loud, I say it now: I want to be in a serious relationship with you right now.”

I could feel how my cheeks turned pink and said in a hushed voice: “I do, too.” And then he leaned towards me and kissed me in front of everyone to see. I could hear more murmurs around us. But I didn’t care, and I think Severus did neither.

Remus and Sirius indeed put on quite a show on. Sirius was an absolute show off and danced like a professional pop background dancer at times but Remus was not far behind. It was clear that Sirius had learned how to dance to impress whoever he wanted at that moment. I could see how that works out though his occasional awkward breakdance moves are a bit too much at times. The rest of the staff were equally impressive. Dumbledore danced like a 13 year old in a tik tok video and the students loved it. I’ve never seen a 130 year old dancing that passionately while staying cool with the kids. I also joined them on the dancefloor at times and once sang loudly along Queen’s Bohemian Rapsody with Minerva, Sprout and Chloe. It was a lot of fun. At one point, the students of my drama group invited me to their little circle to sing along some songs. Severus stayed behind for most of the evening though he did talk with Flitwick and Albus. Every time I looked towards him, he smiled though. When I returned to him, he said:“It’s a marvel to see you dance.”

I blushed but then replied: “Why don’t you try it then sometimes? I’m sure you’d have fun.”

He cackled: “I don’t think anyone wants to see me on the dancefloor being silly. I’m not the type. Bats don’t dance after all.”

A slow song came on and the dancefloor organised itself in couples intimately intertwined. Suddenly, Severus stood up and offered me his arm: “But I think, I could make an exception with this song.”

I was beaming and we went to the dancefloor. The song felt like soft snow falling and the lyrics wrapped us in like a warm blanket:

“I've been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. Pulled the car off the road to the lookout. Could've followed my fears all the way down.”

Many thoughts ran through my head. I often was incapable of focusing on the moment. I still had to prove myself and my position at Hogwarts. The thing was the play. Would anyone notice if I had to go? Did I change anything in the few months I was here? And why do I still feel haunted and chased by all these old prejudices. I felt so battered and wounded.

“And maybe I don’t quite know what to say. But I’m here in your doorway.”

I never thought I’d find someone like Severus here. That I’d tried to love again at all. But there was still so much that lingered in my heart and mind. My life is far from perfect. I had to fix my sleeping schedule, to fix my fears and insecurities, to battle whatever is happening here. Why does he like me when he usually demands perfection from anyone around him? I still couldn’t explain that. But I knew I’d try my best to keep him, to make him happy, to hold him. My thoughts returned to his gaze. I was dancing with the most beautiful man at this school. My head on his shoulder, his hand on my waist, his breath in my ear. Still, I was scared, and I didn’t know why.

“They told me all of my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential. And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad. I have a lot of regrets about that.”

I thought about why I left London. Why, my life went like it did. There was so much he didn’t know about what happened to me, about what I did to others. About who I had been. But was this really important? On the other hand, he admitted he hadn’t told me much about his past either. Will this all last? He was like an enigma wrapped up in a riddle but at the same time… I felt like we were bound with an invisible string.

“I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here, pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey.”

Once everything looked different. I was so full of passion, dreams and hopes. But they had been crushed up to the moment that I came here, defeated but hopeful to escape everything. Yet, I was wrong in thinking that nothing would happen. I remembered the first time I broke down and how Severus sat next to me. The first time he was truly kind despite my childishness, my broken memories. The first time, I saw my scares clearly and recognised his presence as my medicine.

“And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

The nightmare last night had hit me hard, made me remember things I’d rather forget. Yet, I’ve never been happier than in this moment. I looked at Severus, gazed into his black eyes and wanted to lose myself in him, to never think again. To drown in his eyes forever. His face was full of kindness and love. He was exactly how I always imagined love could and should be when I was a teenager dreaming. This realisation scared me at the same time. In that moment, he moved closer and kissed me in the middle of the dancefloor under the dim purple lights with the mirrorball above us. I melted in his embrace. He tasted like wine and daylight and a warming fire.

“I just wanted you to know that this is me trying”

And that’s all I wanted and all I’d ever do. Trying to make this work. Trying to create something from the broken shards of my life. I wanted to melt them down and start anew with you.

When the song ended, we went outside the hall. His hand in mine, he was beaming and even with his usual aloofness and control he couldn’t hide the fact that he was happy. And I was happy to see him that way. Though I couldn’t quite believe I was the reason behind it. To hold such a treasure and call it mine feels unreal. We stood on the balcony for a moment, looking at the Hogwarts grounds from above. His arm was wrapped around my shoulder and he seemed to hum along to the song we heard from inside.

I looked at him and said: “Never seen you this chippy before. I could get used to it.”

“Mhh..” he replied. “Yes, I can’t imagine why. Must be the wine. Or..”

And here he put his hand on my chin, closed the distance between us and said with a cheeky smile: “A certain nymph has enchanted me.”

I laughed: “Didn’t know anyone could do that to the famous master of potions and the dark arts.”

“Well, IT IS certainly possible but only when I want it to.”

“Then I feel honoured.” - I exclaimed and followed him back inside as it got quite cold.

Most of the staff had retreated to their sleeping quarters by now as it was very late. Even Sirius and Remus sat happy but exhausted on a couch deep in conversation about something. Small groups of students were on the dancefloor talking, dancing or just watching the DJ doing his thing.

Severus suggested the following: “What do you think about retreating to my quarters? I think we have served an appropriate time of duty at this party.” I agreed. I also felt the tiredness in my bones and  I longed to be alone with him.

[fics-in-a-bottlepost]

Some important notes:

1. I cannot make a "continue reading" because I'm on the app. I'll change that for the next stories.

2. I will make a tag list if anyone wants that. Just write "taglist" or whatever in the comments

3. This is an old Enjoltaire fic that I posted on wattpad some time ago in german and It was sitting in my notes ever since so here we go:

It knocked four times. Courfeyrac, apparently. Reluctantly I laid the brush down on the colour palette, stood up and wiped my hands on my old trousers before shuffling to the door, took a sip from a bottle and opened the door. The brunette slipped inside and went straight through to my bedroom. I followed him slowly and stopped in the doorway. With a careful glance he looked at my latest work of art. Enj, as mostly.

Courfeyrac didn't even turn around when he started talking: "He noticed." I kept an eye on him, sipping wine over and over. "Who?"

Now Courfeyrac was getting away from my painting. "E. He knows you weren't there."

"And?", I replied, confused. Enjolras wasn't usually interested in me, he hardly ever noticed me. If he did, he only gave me mocking or annoyed looks, because I interrupted his high speeches with critical remarks.

"He asked for you," Courfeyrac said. Sure he did. The brunette was just trying to lure me back to the Musain so he could amuse himself with my comments. I asked what E had wanted while I put the empty bottle on the table and resumed my artistic activities.

"There was no one there to criticize him. Maybe he missed you," Courfeyrac replied with a grin, leaving me a little more space.

"Sure," I replied ironically and finished my work of art before opening a new bottle.

Courf sat down on a chair in the corner. "He was totally unfocused, had to start over several times. Man R, He's worried!"

Of course. E only had his revolution in mind.

Courfeyrac knew I liked men, more precisely, the blond Apollo. He knew I drew, he knew I drew Enjolras. He knew that I drank to much again and was not really interested in the revolution, but was usually there to listen and stare at Apollo, as I liked to call him, while I drew. Mostly him.

The gong of a church tower clock could be heard from outside, in half an hour the others would meet in the Musain without me. Since I had started a fight with Bahorel at the Corinth almost a week ago, which was ended by E, I had not been there or at the Musain anymore. Enjolras had pressed me against the wall in rage and lectured me. First about me being drunk as usual, then about us having more important things to do, and then something about the fight. I had hardly listened, pushed him away at some point, got my jacket and my folder and hadn't been there since.

As expected, Courf got up, straightened his clothes and went towards the door. He turned around again in the doorway. "Write him you're all right. "If you're not coming back, write him."

"Not interested," I said grumpy and tried to get rid of him. He just grinned and stood firm. "Otherwise I'll tell him you're here," that was all he said. I threateningly held the brush in front of his face: "You wouldn't dare."

"If you have not written a letter by tomorrow morning, I feel obliged to do so. You can leave the letter on your doorstep and I will pass it on, you don't even have to leave home for it. I'll see you." were his last words before he disappeared into the darkness

I closed the door, sat down at my desk and dropped my head on the table with a loud bang. Some empty and full wine bottles clinked, I took one of the full ones and enjoyed another drink. To the revolution, hm?

Even 7 hours later I still had not put a single letter on the paper in front of me. I had made up my mind, because I did not want Enjolras to show up here personally. I didn't have enough storage space to hide all the drawings and I would give anything to make sure Apollo didn't see them.

With tired eyes I looked at the picture I had painted today. Enjolras, with the red jacket and a red flag in his hand, standing over the city. Slight signs of angel wings were visible behind him. Sighing, I took the now dry picture from the easel, put an R on the front and the description "Leader in Red" on the back.

I put the picture aside and drank the rest of the wine bottle. I quickly put the words "I'm fine" on the empty sheet of paper before tiredly putting the sheet of paper into an envelope and laying it outside the door as the sun slowly rose over Paris. A little later I dozed off.

When I woke up again, the sun was already high in the sky. I cleared my dry throat with a few sips of wine and tried to remember what had woken me from my sleep. I received the answer when there was another line of knocks at the door. Definitely more than 4 knocks. I moved withoug the bottle to the door and already heard a childish voice. "Grantaire! Gavroche here, Courfeyrac sent me with post. Open up, R. "

I opened the door, pressed a few coins into the boy's outstretched hand and received two letters in return.

Gavroche disappeared whistling happily and I sat down at the desk in my studio/bedroom after closing the door.

The first letter I opened was from Courf.

Hey R,

I delivered the letter. Do you still have all your artwork together? There was a drawing on the back of the letter, but I couldn't tell which one as quickly as Enjolras put the letter away. He saw them. I suppose it wasn't planned.

Courfeyrac

P.S.: I'll send Gavroche with the letter, I won't be able to make it myself today. Hope you tip the kid.

I dropped the bottle and started going through my drawings. It was definitely not planned for Apollo to get his hands on one of his drawings, but I couldn't figure out which one was missing.

With trembling fingers I reached for the bottle again and fetched the second letter. A drop of the red drink hit the white paper and left marks as I recognized the handwriting I had seen so often. Very carefully and accordingly slowly I opened the white letter, which was closed with a red seal. Red. Enjolras color.

17 words had been immortalized with blue ink on the white paper. It was nothing special and yet they touched me in a strange way.

The old bank on the banks of the Seine.

At dusk.

If you don't come, I'll come to you.

Enjolras

I carefully folded the letter back together, put it in the envelope and put it in a box on the shelf. In this box I kept the drawings I liked best, 95% of these artworks obviously showed E.

I started a new sketch and at the same time another bottle of wine to distract my brain from thinking up horror scenarios about the upcoming meeting.

Just as I finished and looked at the black and white drawing of the Musain, the time of nightfall began. I basically inhaled half a bottle of water to sober up at least a bit more than I even wa now. The wine had stopped from making problems disappear and it didn't make me feel light and happy and funny anymore. I sighed and left the dwelling.

From the said bench one had a fantastic view over the Seine. I had been here many times before and had captured this wonderful landscape.

When Enjolras appeared next to me the sun had already set. Without a word he sat down next to me and took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. I recognized my letter, but the paper was folded so that the drawing remained hidden. I unfolded it slowly.

The memories came back when I looked at the picture. It was originally a scene from the Musain. On the right side there was Enjolras on the table, on the left the Rest of us were spread out. I had drawn myself sitting on the wall, but only with very light strokes, so I looked rather invisible. Enji, on the other hand, was drawn with much more pressure, so that he was the center of attention.

Enjolras had obviously changed the picture.

He had traced the fine lines of my figure with a pencil, so that they now appeared darker and thicker than the others. I seemed more important.

"I didn't know you were drawing us." he said calmly. There was some kind of emotion hidden in it but I couldn't figure out which. I felt to dizzy and really warm. Maybe it was Apollos aura, his radiance

"Of course not." I scoffed "It seemed a miracle that you ever noticed my presence at all." Enjolras frowned at me. He looked cute when he was frowning and I hoped to not forget his face so I could draw it later

"It is wrong." he said.

I scoffed again."No. It's exactly as it originally appeared." My voice was kind of rough and it hurt as I spoke.

"You are not invisible. And I am not invincible, I am not as strong as you make me out to be." Enjolras said calmly while slowly shaking his head

I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what to say as all words seemed to have left my brain. "Damn you Enjolras." I thought and stared instead at the dark water in front of me, shimmering in the moonlight.

Enjolras put the drawing back in his pocket and dragged me to my feet. I walked beside him, our hands touching each other from time to time. I noticed for the first time that evening that I was really cold, which could be because I had left my coat at home. I trembled, but tried to suppress it as best I could. Out of an alley came soft voices which attracted my attention.

So I only noticed when it had happened that Enj had put his hand on my forehead. "You have a fever" he said and helped me into his jacket which he seemed to have taken off in my absence.

Something inside me screamed that it was not right to accept this gesture, but I remained silent.

"R?", the blond teared me out of my thoughts again. I made a questioning sound and looked into Apollo's pretty face as I turned my head "I asked, since when you have been sick?" His voice sounded much softer than usual and somehow worried.

I shrugged my shoulders and held on to Enjolras when my vision blurred and I tilted forward. At least I wanted to hold on to him, but I missed his shoulder completely and almost hit the ground.

Luckily for me Enjolras reaction time was much shorter than mine in my current condition and I found myself in his arms. E put me back on my feet and supported me all the way to my home. "Thank you", I said quietly and started to look for my key.

"It is wrong. I do not always think only of the revolution. There is something else I think about. Or rather someone," Enji said much quieter.

I turned around and tried to stop despite the dizzyness, he came closer and pressed me against the door by my shoulders to keep me upright as I slouched. Confused, I pulled my eyebrows together. "I see. What's that got to do with me?" E leaned his head forward and now spoke into my ear, "Because it's you."

Before I could even react, the blond had pulled his head back a little and made another movement. His lips lightly touched mine.

Shocked but happy, I returned the kiss as the door behind me gave way and I fell into my apartment. Apollo must have pulled the key from my pocket without me noticing. As I looked at him in bewilderment, he pulled the key out of the door, threw it on the old dresser beside it and closed the door.

I got up and stumbled behind him to cut off the blond man who was about to enter my bedroom. We fought until I got dizzy and fell over again. Blackout.

[karasunorizaki]

bittersweet always (sakuatsu angst fic)

Summary:

Every relationship has its ups and downs but they say if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations. Well, whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is whether or not everything they are is too much to handle.

or Sakusa Kiyoomi realising that he's had enough (i'm so sorry Atsumu but you are an absolute ass in this)

or the fic i wrote while i was drinking and i needed to get this of my chest and saw SakuAtsu as the perfect victims :')

Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi x Miya Atsumu

Genre: Angst, some Fluff (like v little), Kinda Toxic Relationship, it’s pretty much just Omi realising his worth you know

Wordcount: 6.5k

ao3 link

say hi to me on twitter if u have the time :D

omg sorry i got too lazy to make a header picture thing for this plus there are probably errors ahead too because i got too lazy to proofread this i just wanted to post it already lmao

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but they say that, if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations. Well, whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is whether or not everything they are is too much to handle.

It's so quiet that Kiyoomi can hear a pin drop but, at the same time, the noise in his head and heart feels like it can rival a thousand sirens.

Is this still right? is this still worth it? Should we keep going on or will that only hurt us more? All these questions left unsaid but taunts both Kiyoomi and Atsumu as they don't even have the heart to meet gazes. 

They're only a dinner table distance away from each other but Kiyoomi has never felt so far from his tsum tsum. 

They've been like this for almost half an hour now, their luggages still at the doorway untouched. He and his Tsum tsum needed to talk.

Tsum Tsum. He used to never call him that. 

It was always Miya or just Atsumu you idiot before they both finally confessed their feelings to each other at the expanse of their teammates who were tired of their obvious pining for one another.

____________________

"Oi, i may look like a tomato right now but i am not even the least bit drunk!" Atsumu raises his empty glass at Bokuto, who was the one who pointed out how Miya Atsumu gets oh so easily red after a few glasses of alcohol. 

They've been on about who gets drunk the easiest in the team and even though the whole team knows it's a tie between Hinata the low tolerance child and Bokuto the alcohol hogger, Atsumu's always won the title for the one who gets all alcohol tipsy blushy red the easiest.

Kiyoomi, who has his signature scowl on his face, thinks Tsum Tsum’s cute but would never admit to that.

"Did i hear that right, omiomi? did ya just call me cute?" Kiyoomi feels his world almost stop when he realizes that he blurted that he found Miya Atsumu cute out loud and curses whoever is up there for not giving him the strength to stop himself. Why oh why out of all the times he accidentally blurts out his pining over Miya, it's right when he's in front of him? Is it the alcohol? Kiyoomi never wants to consume alcohol again.

"Puh-lease he always does that, always under his breath, behind his mask, whenever tsum tsum is doing literally anything" Bokuto says as if it was a fact, emphasising on the words literally anything because not even Kiyoomi can deny that he does indeed do that, but that's not the point. May it have been out of his tipsiness or not, Kiyoomi only wants to punch his face but he knows he'll never hear the end of it from Akaashi-san.

But if Bokuto Koutaro valued his life he would know better than to keep exposing Sakusa Kiyoomi like thi-

"oh did Miya finally catch on to Sakusa's pining? ugh, finally" OH MY GOD WHAT EVEN ARE THESE TEAMMATES? Thomas groans into his hands, the rest of the team letting out howls and chuckling that echoes throughout the common area and Kiyoomi is already planning how to murder his teammates in their sleep OR maybe he'll just have himself signed over to another team, preferably onto a team that won't put him on the spot in front of his crush like this.

Crush- hah, that sounds so childish, Kiyoomi tells himself in his head just to check that nothing is wrong with his cognitive abilities and he's still able to speak to himself in his mind because he still can't believe that he blurted that out in front of Atsumu. 

He'd been doing so well with just Bokuto or Hinata or even Captain Meian catching onto the muttering of a pining Sakusa Kiyoomi, but all that's thrown out the window apparently.

"Omi's what?" Atsumu the oh so ever oblivious boy blushes to the tip of his ears, head tilting to the side a little bit and it's as if all the annoyance in the world disappears for Kiyoomi and goddamnit not even the gods above (or more realistically, Atsumu's own twin brother) can tell him Atsumu looks stupid when he blushes like this because he's so extremely cute in his eyes and only Atsumu will ever have this kind of effect on Kiyoomi and he's trying so so so s o hard not to let that show right now even though he feels like he's going to combust-

"I think it's time they finally discuss about pining over each other in private, boys" with a smug expression on his face, Bokuto is able to file each of the members of the msby out of their shared living room and retreat to their own bedrooms.

So he wasn't just tipsy, he was being the sly ass Kiyoomi knows he's always been. Oh he's so getting it, Kiyoomi might just 'accidentally' spike a ball to Bokuto's head during the next practice. 

If Atsumu were to still set to him after this, Kiyoomi is already calculating in his head how much force he had to put into a spike to really get back at the black and silver haired man. He watches each of the members of the team give him a small nod, if it was out of approval or a small cry for forgiveness for riding along Bokuto's shenanigans, Kiyoomi doesn't want to know.

But right now, he feels like he's frozen when left alone in the presence of someone he's been undeniably been pining for the past few months. Miya Atsumu in all his glorious blushing state looks at him with an expression Kiyoomi can't read but he feels so vulnerable and the ice in his veins melts and now he feels like he's sweating.

Ah, crap. Am i sweating? Do I smell? Can he hear my thoughts? Why is he not saying anything? Why am I not saying anything? Sakusa Kiyoomi, say something for the love of everything good in life you can't just call Atsumu cute and act like a fish out of wa-

"Tsum tsum" the silence is first broken by Atsumu and even in his blushing tomato looking state, his expression softens and goddamnit did kiyoomi blurt that out loud again "it's the first time you called me Tsum tsum and i think i like it and I like you"

"Well it's a fitting nickname for- wait" what? did he hear that right? or was it the inner demon in Kiyoomi supplying him with stupid thoughts like this again "did you ju-"

And Kiyoomi barely has any time to process anything that's happening but all he knows is that Atsumu's lips are as soft as he's been imagining, sweet with a tinge of bitterness presumably from the alcohol they've been consuming all night and his warm palms cupping his cheeks are soft and holding Kiyoomi like he's so fragile and Kiyoomi has to mentally slap himself to try and at least reciprocate the kiss because Miya Atsumu is kissing him.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE KISSING, Kiyoomi's inner demon doesn't even have the creativeness to make this a figment of his imagination.

"I'm sorry i didn't ask first" is what atsumu says when he breaks away from the kiss, his breath fanning over Kiyoomi's lips and his eyes half closed.

Is he still staring at my lips? Kiyoomi thinks he is and he can't even deny that he himself is doing the same thing but with Atsumu's lips.

"It's just that i've liked ya for a while and i'm not good with words and the way the others said how you've pined over me so i kinda assumed-"

"I like you too, yeah" Kiyoomi finally says and it feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest from the months and months and months of harbouring feelings for one (1) Miya Atsumu "i don't think i'm good with words either"

So they take that as a sign to have their second kiss of the night, one with a little bit more passion and it's more intoxicating than the alcohol. So what if they aren't good with words? They're finally able to start their love story and it's all because Sakusa Kiyoomi was finally called out on for his pining.

Who needs to be good with words when Miya Atsumu is so good at kissing?

____________________

Ironically though, the thing with relationships is that you have to be good with words. With each other, at least. People don't say 'Communication is key' for nothing after all.

Yet here both Atsumu and Kiyoomi sit opposite to each other without any vocal exchange, again, for the past hour. Both their hearts are screaming at the other, wanting to just be in each other's arms again and hold each other, giving each other kisses and make love and have everything be okay between them

But things aren't okay between them.

They haven't been for a while and Kiyoomi knows this. Atsumu, still tsum tsum in Kiyoomi's heart, knows this. Things have been extremely toxic and they've been putting temporary bandaids to problems that can't always be solved with fucking and the on and off again thing.

When this started, Kiyoomi doesn't know. But he knows when he finally realised that whatever they have won't last or why it won't last, he remembers it well but just because he realised it then doesn't mean he was ready to accept it. 

He loves Atsumu with everything he is, he can't just easily accept that maybe the stars aren't aligned for them.

____________________

"When are you going to stop acting like a child and actually talk to me about this?" Kiyoomi is furious, fingers running through his hair as his gaze pierces through Atsumu's thick skull and he won't even turn his head to look at him "We lost a fucking game and he just made sure i was okay, Atsumu"

The name tastes so bitter on his tongue. Tsum tsum or Tsumu, it always was. But he doesn't have the heart for it now.

"If he brings you so much fucking comfort then maybe you should just run to him instead" even with his childish murmuring, the silence of Kiyoomi and Atsumu's dorm in the olympic village gives him the advantage of hearing Atsumu's words

"I understand that you're feeling this way because he's my ex, Atsumu. But we're literally on the same olympic team and it's out of my control. Am i seriously not allowed to even breathe around Waka- Ushijima-san?"

Kiyoomi understands Atsumu and his insecurities. Understands it all too well by now. 

He knows his boyfriend inside out and from the months and months of trying to help him through it because he's holding onto Atsumu's promise to 'change his habits' of being so harsh with his words when he has his moments and this is the moment during every argument they have where Kiyoomi is holding his breath, he doesn't want to fight. 

He's hoping Atsumu realizes when he's being extremely irrational or knows when he gets on Kiyoomi's nerves.

Because Kiyoomi's never been one to stand down, yeah sure he was taught by his mother to be wise in picking his fights and to defend himself when necessary but goddam does Atsumu and his moments rile Kiyoomi up so bad or maybe Atsumu makes Kiyoomi feel like he always has to defend himself. 

Atsumu, the person who is supposed to be his partner, his number one supporter, the person who he doesn't need to be defending himself to. Yet he feels like he has to every single time. 

Maybe Atsumu brings out the worst in Kiyoomi.

"Ushijima-san my ass. I know you call him Wakatoshi-kun. I know you've been spending extra time with him the past few weeks and don't even get me started on the fuck-me eyes, Kiyoomi" Atsumu's fuming as he rambles, fist clenched at either side as he's finally faced his boyfriend for the first time since they came into the room.

"Fuck-me eyes- are you serious right now? Like i had just literally said, we're on the same olympic team and that's out of my control. He's the team captain and everyone looks at him with adoration, Atsumu, but fuck-me eyes? that's just ridiculous. Additionally, what Ushijima-san and I had was way back in highschool! How are you still not over that?" Kiyoomi isn't usually a man with many words but as he's found out ever since the first argument he and atsumu had, he's been non stop preparing long speeches in case of times like this "We should be endlessly celebrating the fact we're on the same olympic team but here we are arguing and we have been since the day you found out the line up for this team! I only have eyes for you, goddamnit! My heart is yours only the same way your heart is mine. Always. That's our promise, remember?"

Kiyoomi can hear the desperation in his own voice and it's making him cringe. Lately, he's been subconsciously keeping tally of all the times he sounds like a wounded animal in front of Atsumu. 

To Kiyoomi, this means when he's practically pleading the other to just stop being such an ass.

"Frankly, i don't feel like your heart is only mine" Atsumu huffs out and at any other time Kiyoomi would think he looks adorable with his cheeks puffed out like this but there are tears pricking at Kiyoomi's eyes because Atsumu is always like this. 

It feels like they're the most perfect couple in the world when they aren't arguing, always promising each other that they're only theirs.

Always, they make sure that the other remembers. But it feels like Atsumu completely throws all that out the window when any man nay- any PERSON comes near kiyoomi and kiyoomi feels so suffocated.

It's all thrown out the window when Atsumu, out of no where, picks fights with Kiyoomi over some stupid thing that they should have been over for months now.

It's all thrown out the window when Atsumu chooses to act like a complete child paired with the biggest asshole in the world, throwing curses at Kiyoomi.

It's all thrown out the window when Kiyoomi calls Atsumu out on his asshole act and instead of listening to him, Atsumu chooses to become even more of an asshole and Kiyoomi is so out of words for how frustrated he is with the person he loves the most because he's been trying so hard for so long and it only feels like it's getting worse.

"Why do i always feel like i have to keep proving myself to you? We've been together for how long, atsumu? Almost 2 years now? Where's the promise you made me? The one where you said you'd at least try to change your toxic trait of being so harsh when you get insecure because you know how your words can seriously hurt me? Or the one where we'd both be compromising for each other when we encounter a road bump? You were the one who told me you wanted to change and, being the supportive boyfriend i am for you, i'm trying to help you do just that but it feels like you don't even want to change for yourself." Kiyoomi can hear his pulse and his chest feels tight. Kiyoomi isn't usually a sensitive man, he can take a few punches to the gut from other people but Miya Atsumu has become his weakness and unfortunately also the person who's able to hurt him the most.

"So what, you want me to change then? Suddenly i'm not enough for-"

"For fucks sake, that's not what i'm trying to say, atsumu! That's never what i'm trying to say. We're in a relationship, it's a give and take. I accept that you have your insecurities and i've changed what i can about me when i can about that to fit your needs, always reassuring you when i need to but you also have to do your part and know when things are out of my control." Kiyoomi's voice cracks and he wants to stop talking but he knows he can't just stop there "This is our what? millionth time fighting about Ushijima? Billionth time fighting about things i can't control like people being around me? How will we work if you don't seem like you want to at least help me out on working on your insecurities?"

Kiyoomi knows he's being a little overdramatic with the numbers but he knows that he has to be, being with such a drama queen of a boyfriend.

"Well maybe we shouldn't work. Maybe we should just break up again. Maybe you keep feeling like you have to prove yourself to me because it just isn't enough anymore. Hell, maybe you should just strut back to Wakatoshi-kun, I'm sure he won't make you feel like you're inadequate since he brings you so much comfort. Maybe you should accept the fact that i'm always going to be like this and if that's not for you, then maybe fuck this relationship" and as soon as the words leave Atsumu's mouth, Kiyoomi can see the regret in his eyes but it's too late. 

That's all out there now.

"Atsumu, that's enough" the voice of Suna snaps Kiyoomi out of his trance and he realizes that he's full on crying now.

And even like this, Kiyoomi is thinking of ways to defend Atsumu to Suna, who is Atsumu's high school teammate so he should know Atsumu better than anyone, yet he still wants to apologize for him and for making so much noise in their dormitory from all the arguing he's sure he's kept the whole japan national volleyball team awake from their screaming and even for not realising they didn't lock the door on their way inside due to all these intense emotions.

But all Kiyoomi can think about is how Atsumu's past the point of no return–again. 

The little hope Kiyoomi holds out for Atsumu during every argument has been squashed into nothing and Kiyoomi's already beaten up heart feels so so heavy.

"Omi, i didn't mean that. Wait-" Atsumu tries to reach out for Kiyoomi but right now Atsumu feels like fire and Kiyoomi doesn't want to get burned so he steps back, tears still streaming down his face because this is the final straw.

There may have been months and months and months of happiness and carefree love between them but there have also been the same amount of months and months and months of crying and arguing for the two and Kiyoomi has had it. 

Kiyoomi is so tired of Atsumu being like this. 

Kiyoomi is tired of them being like this. 

Kiyoomi is tired of this.

"I think it's best if we talk when all of this is over, Atsumu. You're right. I've been so accepting of your insecurities and working around it but maybe i've been accepting the wrong thing." Kiyoomi is thankful that Suna has stepped in between them because he knows that he'd run back into atsumu's arms if he weren't there. 

Every other argument would end up in just fucking and pretending it never existed or it would end up with Kiyoomi going the extra mile into compromising for his lovely boyfriend and it's taking so much of Kiyoomi's energy.

"Omi-"

"Don't omi me now, atsumu. I'm going to ask if Bokuto can switch with me for the night and i will see you when all of this is over" He's surprised he's able to even have the strength to resist Atsumu right now, what with all him suddenly going soft on Kiyoomi. 

He's always like this though, says the most hurtful things then goes soft and acts like i should pretend he never said anything. This repeated cycle of having to throw away Atsumu's hurtful words even though he ponders on them for so long was chipping away at Kiyoomi's sanity.

"You can take my spot, Sakusa-san. I'll stay with Atsumu. I room with Aran, if that's okay with you" Suna suggests as he turns his head to look at him, they both somehow know what the other is thinking– Atsumu is okay with Aran, he won't cause a huge fit if Sakusa stays in the same room as Aran.

The fact that even at the height of all this emotion, Kiyoomi still has to think about what Atsumu won't cause another fight over, makes his head hurt even more.

"Thank you. It'll only be for this last night" Kiyoomi pushes past Suna so he could pick up a couple of his things and in the corner of his eye he can see Atsumu being held back by his friend, Atsumu's watchful eyes following Sakusa picking up whatever things he'd need for their last day for the medal giving ceremony.

"i'll come back for the rest of my things tomorrow before everyone packs up"

Atsumu can only silently nod because he knows that in the short amount of time that he spewed out daggers at his omi and right now, saying anything else would only further cause the rift between them to widen- as if staying silent would magically make up for the months and months of hurting they've caused one another.

Kiyoomi wordlessly leaves the room, unable to stop the tears spilling from his eyes as he tries to remember which room Suna and Aran stay at, a small duffle bag slung on his shoulder whose weight pales in comparison to how heavy Sakusa's heart feels at the moment.

Omi is tired of this.

____________________

Things are still tense between the two lovers during the present as they still stay silently seated opposite to each other, pride probably in the way of them talking things out.

I want to just hold him, i want him to kiss me silly again, i want us to make love even just for one last time. Kiyoomi's heart is going bat shit crazy in his ribcage from the lack of attention and care from Atsumu (and himself, he thinks) and it's taking so much of Kiyoomi's life force to keep a straight face in front of Atsumu because he will not be the first one to crack.

In all their arguments, he likes to think he's always been the more level headed one between them. Always the one to be the ice breaker, always the one to have to compromise too. 

And it's finally come to the point where Kiyoomi has developed so much mannerisms and ticks and fears and insecurities about himself, most of which he didn't even know he had in the first place. 

He's come to a point where he has to always cut conversations with his friends short especially if its someone he knows Atsumu can get easily jealous of. 

He's come to a point where doesn't even open up to Hinata or Bokuto anymore. 

He's come to a point where he doesn't even want to go out by himself anymore, scared he'd piss off his boyfriend.

Months of arguing have lead up to this. Months of screaming at each other, not getting anywhere emotionally before deciding to fuck it lets just have angry sex and pretend nothing's wrong in the morning.

____________________

During the first months of their relationship, waking up next to each other with the sunlight spilling through the blinds especially after a night of love making felt like absolute bliss, arms protectively wrapped around the other with their breathing as the only sound heard from one another.

Jet black eyes would meet with piercing golden brown ones Kiyoomi would always get lost in and, with the faintest smile traced with nothing but sleepiness, they'd just almost telepathically tell each other '5 more minutes' but that could also easily translate to 'i wanna spend more time with you like this. i love you'

But it's been months since they found themselves lovingly tangled with each other in bed, and the sunlight that spills through the blinds feels harsh and scorching hot as they lay next to each other but with their backs facing their lover. 

Kiyoomi can feel the sting of Atsumu's scratches on his chest and shoulders, the heat of blooming dark purple hickies on his neck and bruises on other parts of his body, his bones aching from the rigorous fucking they did from last night.

It stings more than usual, and Kiyoomi guiltily disgusted with himself.

'Angry sex again, huh?' Kiyoomi thinks bitterly as he musters up whatever strength he has left to be able to get through the day. This seems like a routine to them by now. Atsumu somehow magically– and quite annoyingly, to Kiyoomi's misfortune– will find something to argue about, they start screaming at each other, then they fuck.

'When was the last time Atsumu made love to me?' There's tears prickling at Kiyoomi's eyes as he turns his head to check on his sleeping boyfriend. 

He has the same marks Kiyoomi has, red angry scratches lining his skin and hickies and bruises blooming at various parts of his body. He's no better than him in this toxic cycle.

If they don't end up fucking, it's either they decide to call it quits, ignore each other for a few days or weeks then find each other unable to resist and they fuck it out OR Kiyoomi, out of desperation, will come up with a compromise (one that's a compromise on his part mostly) just to be able to save the relationship.

This isn't healthy anymore. They can't keep doing this. But whenever Kiyoomi tries to think of what they could do just to save the relationship, he comes up empty.

He's tried everything.

He's opened up to Atsumu about his really toxic ways, how he tends to be really passive aggressive and how that's counterproductive in their relationship.

Kiyoomi has tried asking friends for help, that only made atsumu throw a fit, saying that omi is trying to make atsumu look bad to everyone else– which irritated Kiyoomi because, hello? he was only trying to ask them for help, something Kiyoomi ever rarely does because he likes to think he's very independent and capable of handling his own problems, but being with Atsumu has pushed him to do a lot of things that's so out of his character in the name of saving their relationship.

Kiyoomi even tried to suggest couples counselling, but he got so scared of even bringing it up to Atsumu to his face in fear of it starting another fight.

It's gotten to the point that Kiyoomi will try to avoid ANYTHING that would start an argument, which he finds extremely draining on his part, especially when Atsumu still finds something to argue about.

Kiyoomi doesn't even remember what they fought about last night. Hell, Kiyoomi doesn't remember the last maybe 20 fights they had the past few months. It's just been a cycle of something ticking Atsumu off or something he'd find, even the most completely ridiculous thing such as some stranger locking gazes with Sakusa for a little to long, then they'd start screaming each other's heads off.

It was about the olympics, Kiyoomi tries to remember, or at least it was something related to that. They got the news earlier that day about being olympic boyfriends and Kiyoomi wanted to celebrate but for some reason Atsumu had been in such a foul mood, when he finally revealed that it was because Wakatoshi-kun, 'Omiomi's oh so handsome and amazing first love', was also in the line up, Kiyoomi blew a fuse from the amount of irritation that built up because all he wanted was to celebrate being olympic boyfriends for fucks sake and this is what Atsumu's gonna focus on?

But there was a lot of screaming. A lot of threatening, mostly from Atsumu and his passive aggressive tendencies.

"Then fucking leave, if that's what you want. You've been waiting for me to fuck up this whole time anyways so you could get out of this, right?" Atsumu's words will always sting Kiyoomi no matter how many times he'd encounter them– and believe him, it's quite a lot– because why would Kiyoomi ever want for Atsumu to mess up? Atsumu is everything he'd ever hoped for outside of volleyball.

He doesn't even want to remember whatever speech he gave to atsumu after he said that because it's all the same thing to Kiyoomi now. He's always felt so inadequate whenever they fight like this. And it's not like he tried to fight these thoughts. Of course he has.

Atsumu is the sweetest when they're okay. Atsumu is the most thoughtful. Atsumu is funny and is the only person who can make one (1) Sakusa Kiyoomi actually giggle. Atsumu is oh so determined in everything he does especially in volleyball and Kiyoomi's always admired him for that.

But the moment atsumu's insecurities seep in, which have been more often than not the past few months, everything just turns to absolute shit.

"Goodmorning, omi" Kiyoomi almost jumps at the feeling of atsumu's lips on the skin of his shoulders and ah they're pretending to be okay again and, like the good boyfriend he is, Kiyoomi turns his head to greet his tsumtsum with a kiss to his temple, the sickly sweet tone of his own 'good morning, tsumtsum' causing him to inwardly cringe.

It's only a matter of time until he snaps, he's guessing.

____________________

"Atsumu-"

"Omi-" they call for each other at the same time, the first things they've said the whole night, and atsumu lets out a soft sigh "It's really 'atsumu' now, huh?"

Kiyoomi doesn't say anything. He doesn't have the energy to even call him Tsumu or Tsumtsum because kiyoomi is just tired– he's finally snapped.

"This isn't gonna be one of those break ups where we get back together after a few weeks of ignoring each other, is it?" he can hear the tremble in Atsumu's voice and oh my god he wants to go up to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him everything between them is going to be all right.

But Kiyoomi knows if he does that, it's just be him lying to both of them. He loves Atsumu, loves Atsumu just as much as he loves his career and his friends, all a different special place in his heart but the love is definitely there. 

He loves Atsumu so much that he doesn't want to let him go, but he knows he needs to.

It's something he knows he has to do. To let this go, a decision he's been absolutely trying to avoid because he doesn't want to lose his Atsumu. But Kiyoomi is starting to lose himself in the process and he can't let this continue any further. 

It has to stop.

"I've had enough of the straight up verbal abuse in this relationship and i've been so stupid to keep defending you to everyone. I've defended you to our friends, my family, your own family and even to myself. I love you and i love you so much but you're right, Atsumu" Now Kiyoomi can feel the tremble in his own voice but he braces himself, taking in a shaky breath before continuing "This isn't going to be like our other breakups anymore"

All this was directed toward Atsumu but Kiyoomi knows he needed to really vocalise it so he himself could hear his own words and actually believe it.

Atsumu's eyes are locked in on him and at any other given time Kiyoomi would feel absolutely small under his gaze like this when it's all intense and serious, but right now he's looking at Atsumu and his gaze looks so hollow.

And he knows that it's because it's finally getting through to Atsumu, what this is all about.

They aren't healthy for each other anymore.

Because yeah, every relationship has it's ups and downs. And yeah they say if you really loved the person, you'd accept everything they are without reservations, but whoever said that forgot to mention that sometimes what you have to accept is wether or not everything they are is too much to handle.

And it's become very clear to the both of them what they have to really accept– they aren't made for one another, not when they're like this. 

Not when, even after months of trying, Kiyoomi still cries himself to sleep because of his developed insecurities of himself due to feeling so inadequate for Atsumu.

Not when, even after a million tries of talking about it, Atsumu will refuse to stand down and still continue on his passive aggressive insecure little man ways.

Not when, even after defending Atsumu in his honour to his friends, everyone (mostly Hinata, Bokuto, and Komori) can see and will point out the tiredness in Kiyoomi's eyes when they have alone time with him.

“I’m not even going to ask because i already know” Komori had told him one time, referring to the redness and puffiness of Kiyoomi’s eyes, during brunch after a night of arguing with Atsumu over something Kiyoomi doesn’t even have the energy to try to remember.

They're both at an age wherein they'd like to believe that they've gone through a lot in life already, both together and separately. Maybe Kiyoomi will always get a little too sensitive and hurt over Atsumu's words and maybe Atsumu will never stop letting out those words that feel like ice cold daggers to Kiyoomi's heart. 

It's time to finally face things for what they are.

Wordlessly, Atsumu gets up from his seat and walks over to Kiyoomi, who finds himself on his feet as well, the tiniest fear of another scream fest striking his heart but Atsumu only reaches down to hold his hands.

And oh how Atsumu's hands feel so cold right now, the tips of his thumbs that Kiyoomi used to kiss only after atsumu washes his hands now gently caressing over kiyoomi's knuckles. These hands that fit so perfectly in his feel so cold right now and Kiyoomi can hear Atsumu take in a deep breath.

"I really put you through all that, huh?" he sniffles, obviously trying to fight back the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes, very opposite to Kiyoomi who's always been so vulnerable in front Atsumu, tears already blurring his vision "Maybe we really have been accepting the wrong things about each other all this time"

Kiyoomi finally agrees with what Atsumu is saying, fucking finally they're on the same page. Unfortunately for them, it's at the end of what they everyone thought would be a beautiful relationship if things had gone differently.

"Not that you don't deserve to be accepted flaws and all, but i've lost all hope that the person who does that for you is me" and curse the tiny hiccup that Kiyoomi lets out at the end of that sentence, he has to be the strong one in this. 

He's the one finally letting all this go no matter how painful it is for the both of them, because he loves Atsumu so much he doesn't want to be selfish anymore.

Atsumu finally lets his tears fall, a huge contrast to the hearty chuckle that rumbles from his chest. He's laughing at my hiccup, that fucker– and Atsumu lets go of one of Kiyoomi's hands to cup his cheek.

"Can i at least have one final kiss?" Atsumu's signature smug smirk paints his expression and as much as Kiyoomi wants to punch this man right now, he knows his heart will threaten him to stop beating if he doesn't relish in the love of Miya Atsumu for one last time.

And that's what they do. They have one final kiss, until it becomes another, and then another, each one more passionate than the last. It's sloppy, and quite salty from the tears their both letting spill from their eyes but neither give a shit about it right now because they both know this is the last time they're going to be in each other's presence like this.

Atsumu is gentle with Kiyoomi the same way Kiyoomi is gentle with Atsumu that night, both spilling their heart out at each other through actions. There's no harsh biting, no scratching down each other's backs, no gripping at the other's hips or shoulders so hard bruises would form and they're able to say they made love for the last time even if it meant they were saying goodbye. It's bittersweet, really.

And so Kiyoomi wakes up the next morning with an ache through out his whole body, similar to the kind of ache after every angry sex session they'd have but completely different in effect, but that ache pales in comparison to how much his heart misses the warmth of Atsumu's body on their bed– he knows it's empty. 

He knows because Atsumu's warmth is the first thing his hands sought out to only to be greeted with cold, empty sheets.

He didn't even stay they night, Kiyoomi's brain supplies him as the space in the bed was cold and barren of any trace of a Miya Atsumu.

His heart aches because he and Atsumu are finally over. But also, he can't help but notice how the weight on his shoulders feel like it's disappeared and he knows it's because he and Atsumu are finally over.

Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi were always meant to cross paths, Kiyoomi tells himself. They were meant to meet at some point, make stupid promises to each other like always and they were meant to share love. But they both now know that no matter how much fight you put into keeping each other from drifting away, if you aren't meant to be together in the end, you'll just have to accept it.

He'll always love Miya Atsumu. He knows that. Unlike the fleeting high school puppy love Ushijima Wakatoshi and he shared all those years ago, which was in all honesty quite pleasing to look back at because it was innocent and bright and everything a teenager should experience at least once in their teenage lives, the love he has for Miya Atsumu was intense and both calming and irritating.

The love he has for Atsumu is ever consuming and he doesn't mind that. It's a kind of love not everyone is required to experience, but Kiyoomi is still thankful that he did. Things were always intense both in the best and the worst way and it may have lead to the demise of their relationship, but he'll always be thankful for one (1) Miya Atsumu.

Miya Atsumu will forever be his bittersweet always.

____________

small author’s note: this is the first thing i’ve posted on my tumblr and i just really wanted to get this out ‘cause this is kind of a reflection and is very similar to my last relationship (excluding the parts where i’m a pro volleyball player ofc lmao) so i kinda just wrote this from experience (i’m sentimental like that) and am currently on a sakuatsu brain rot roll recently so :// im so sorry atsumu ik ur not this big of an ass pls

[snarky-badger]

Venom Movie Prompt: Reader is a Life Foundation scientist part-time that had been taking care of the Venom Symbiote and talked to it to pass the time and to monitor it's behavior. Unaware of what Carlton Drake had really been using them for she hears about a suspected break-in at work. Carlton is furious and wants his Symbiote back, starts to realize the secrets and is not sure if she wishes to stay there. She then gets a visitor that takes care of her like she did for them. -threshprince

Oh my, this turned out longer than I planned. I am incapable of writing short things, apparently. Haha.

I hope this is good enough  @threshprince It kinda got away from me at the end and turned into a bit of fluff, haha.

It had been your dream job.

You’d never thought that a paper you’d submitted to your University professor would have gotten you a part time job, never mind one at the Life Foundation itself!

But by some chance, some shining star, you’d gotten an interview with Carlton Drake himself. You’d been nervous, sure, but not so nervous that you’d made a fool of yourself, not if the part-time job you’d landed in his genetics department was any clue.

Learning that there was bonafide proof of alien life had rocked your world. Learning that you’d be one of the few allowed near such life while running genetics tests on it? Mind-blowing.

The first time you’d seen the alien ‘symbiote’ in it’s glass canister, you’d been surprised. You’d honestly been expecting something more out of the movie genre that you’d been low-key obsessed with during your teenage years. Alien goo, that wasn’t something that you had been prepared for. Well… was the Blob alien? You couldn’t remember.

Either way, it was weird.

Still, as you and your fellow geneticists studied it, you quickly came to a realization that it had some sentience. It definitely flinched away from the probes that were used to take some of it’s physical makeup, banged against the canister in an attempt to get loose, and the high pitched ‘scream’ that left it when one of the scientists quelled it’s escape attempts with the electric shocks had almost made you cry.

It raised some serious problems with you. You’d even mentioned it to the other scientists, but they had waved you off, laughing at you. You were too young, apparently, seeing things that weren’t there.

Your moral compass was starting to go off kilter.

You were unable to really do anything - you needed the job. You had so much debt to pay off from putting yourself through school, and the Life Foundation payed handsomely.

What you could do, however, you did.

A familiar screech reached your ears one day, and you looked up from your computer, scowling at ‘Adam’ a fellow geneticist with a mean streak a continent wide. He loved nothing more than to shock that poor alien for the slightest reason. Another thing that made you think the symbiote was sentient - it tended to hiss at Adam and press itself as far away from the man as possible whenever the Adam went near it.

“Adam, what the hell are you doing?” It was a dangerous thing, to stick your neck out with Adam around. He was a bully, in every sense of the word. He was constantly complaining to Carlton Drake that you were on the team, trying to get you fired.

But the screaming, it sent shivers down your spine. You were certain Adam used to torture small animals when he was a kid.

When Adam didn’t answer, you snatched your pepper spray out of your purse and rose off your chair, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach as you stomped over to him. “Goddamn it, Adam, stop torturing the poor thing!”

The heavyset man eyed you darkly, and you locked your knees to keep from running at the hate in his eyes. “Oh, fuck off. It’s not like it actually hurts it.”

“It’s screaming.”

“Hah. Sounds like singing to me.”

Oh good lord he was a sick fuck. “You’re getting off on this, aren’t you?”

That hit a nerve, because he rose his thumb from the security panel that controlled the instruments used to both subdue and take samples from the alien, then turned towards you, brows drawn inward in a glower.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Well shit, you’d poked the wasps nest. “It means that I think you’re torturing the poor thing because it’s helping you get your rocks off. Probably the only way too, can’t imagine any woman with a brain going near a bully like you.”

He snarled something and took one menacing step forward, pausing when you stuck your can of pepper spray in his face. His eyes literally crossed as he stared at it.

“Touch me,” you growled. “And I will empty this entire thing into your eyes. If there’s any justice in the world, then it’ll probably fucking blind you.“

He breathed heavily, like a bull ready to charge, but took a step back. You kept the spray raised, stance ready in case he lunged or reached for you, but Adam merely glared at you a moment longer before snarling a curse.

“You just lost your fucking job, bitch. Threatening a senior employee and bringing a weapon past Security, you’ll be lucky if you’re not arrested.”

“Just fuck off before I figure out how to rip the shock mechanism out of this panel so I can electrocute you,” you snapped. Adam glared at you a moment longer, then turned and stomped back to his separate office space. “Jesus, how the hell did he pass the psychiatric screening.”

Sighing, shoulders slumped, you turned towards the canister, and the symbiote held within. “I’m sorry,” you murmured, daring to reach out to press two fingers to the glass. “I can’t– Adam’s right, I’m going to get fired. I needed this job, but if you’re as smart as I think you are, then it’s worth it. I’m sorry he keeps hurting you, and I’m sorry that you’re trapped here.”

There was a moment of silence, where the symbiote undulated in it’s prison - because it was a prison, you’d realized. It was a prisoner, and you and the others had been experimenting and cutting off pieces of it. Jesus.

You were about to pull away when it moved, pressing up against where you were touching the glass. You blinked, staring at it for a moment. It was the first, non-aggressive move it had made to date. Usually it thrashed and shrieked and tried to attack anyone that came near it.

Then again, if situations were reversed, wouldn’t you?

Figuring that it was your last day at the Lab, you decided that finishing your current DNA breakdown of the latest sample taken from the symbiote would be a waste of time.

So you pulled up a chair and kept your hand pressed against the canister, merely talking to the symbiote for the rest of your shift. Babbled about your classes as the University, and why you’d taken the job at the Life Foundation, then tangented your way to talking about little things. Your hobbies, dreams, your family. Told it about the City in case it ever got free, about the dangers and the beautiful things and the people that weren’t complete assholes.

When it was time for you to leave, you gave the symbiote one last look, then used your body to block your movements as you lifted a maintenance panel on the computer panel that controlled the shocking and dissecting instruments, feeling for the needed wires and yanking them out.

“There. No more shocks. Not until they realize it’s broken, anyway.” A sigh left you as you stared down at the imprisoned symbiote, fully convinced that it was staring back. “I’m sorry I can’t do more. I really am–”

Noise from the direction of the elevators made you frown, and you huffed when you heard Adam’s voice raving at someone, someone who turned out to be a security guard. “Looks like I’m going to be escorted out of the building too. God how I loathe that man.”

Shoulders slumping, you went to leave your lab coat on your chair, then grabbed your purse, pausing by the symbiote again before leaving the Lab. “If you see a chance to escape, no matter how small, take it. I don’t know what Carlton Drake has in store for you, but it can’t be good. If you need help–” You rushed to whisper your address as the security guard opened the glass door to the Lab.

“Ma’am? I’ve been ordered to escort your out of the building.”

“Never been happier to be fired from a job,” you spat in Adam’s direction as you stormed past the guard, flipping Adam off as you headed down the hallway. Smirked when you heard the guard tell him to back off - poor baby had a short fuse.

The next week and a half went by as boringly as possibly. You easily fell back into the rhythm of things before the Life Foundation job. Balancing school and waitressing at a bar was old hat by now, you could do it in those sleep deprived moments called ‘unconsciousness’.

It was while bringing drinks to a group of frat boys that you saw the headline - a massive explosion at the Life Foundation. Fifteen dead, more wounded. Carlton Drake was on damage control, saying that it was an accidental electrical fire that had spread to one of the labs and ignited some samples, but you knew better.

“Good for you,” you murmured under your breath. Stared at the TV screen a little too long if the look from your boss was any indication, and you quickly went back to work. This job, you didn’t want to lose. It didn’t have the questionable morality that the other one had. That, and the tips were good.

What you weren’t expecting was to find Carlton Drake waiting for you at the end of your shift. The man - dressed in a suit that probably would have set you up for rent for a year - was flanked by two muscled guards that quickly herded you towards, and into, the alleyway next to the bar.

“Where is it?!”

You blinked and played stupid. “Where’s what?”

Drake glared. “Don’t play dumb. The symbiote it’s gone! Attached itself to some guy and killed half the staff and security before vanishing into the damned City.”

You eyed the guards by his sides before huffing. “Well how the hell should I know?“

“Because you are the only one that seemed to have a rapport with the alien. I saw the security footage of you defending it from Mr. Harrison. Honestly, if you’d simply told me that he was torturing it instead of threatening him, you’d still have a job.”

“A job where I’d be dissecting a sentient creature. Pass. Hard pass. Some of us have this thing called ‘morality’.”

”Which is why the symbiote responded to you,” he pressed. When you stayed silent, he rolled his eyes and pulled out a business card. “If it comes to you, contact me. I’ll reward you handsomely. You’ll never have to work at a dump like this again. One call, and I’ll have an entire security force at your side in five minutes and a check in your hands in ten.”

You hesitated. That much money…. But the memory of the symbiote screaming in pain made you shake your head. “No thanks.”

Drake stared at you as if he couldn’t understand the words that had come out of your mouth. Finally, he glowered and shoved the business card back into his pocket. “Stupid girl. Fine, have it your way. You’ll be watched from now on. You won’t see them, but I’ll have people following you twenty-four-seven. If…. when the symbiote comes to you, and I have a firm belief that it will, I advise you not to get in the way.”

You glared at his back as he turned away, his two goons following a step behind him as he walked back to his black Cadillac, the driver holding the door open for him. The urge to run over and score the Caddy’s paint job with your keys rose, but you didn’t fancy a bullet to the head.

For the next three days, you had the firm sensation of being watched. It made your skin crawl. As Carlton Drake had said, you never spotted your tail, but you knew it was there. Hoped beyond hope that the symbiote had the sense not to come to you, because you really didn’t want it to get caught.

You wished you hadn’t told it where you lived. But hindsight was twenty-twenty.

One night, after a double shift at the bar, you were in your apartment studying, books open on the small kitchen table as you tried to put together something coherent for paper due in a week. The coffee was brewing strong - you were on your second cup, late hour be-damned.

All the windows were covered in thick curtains - new curtains that you’d bought to hide yourself from the prying eyes you knew were there. You’d even added two new security locks to the front door, and had an aluminum baseball bat nearby in case you needed to bash any asshole trying to get in. It was all you could do on a meager student’s budget.

You knew it wouldn’t be enough.

Which was why, when you heard a knock on the door, your first instinct was to snatch up that bat and get ready to bash some heads. You sidled up to the door and rose on your tiptoes to peer through the spy-hole, blinking at the guy on the other side. Tall, muscled, blue eyes, short brown hair, wearing jeans a shirt and a black leather jacket. Who the fuck was he and why was he at your door at…. You blinked when you realized it was one in the morning. Fucksakes you had classes at eight.

You rose your voice so you’d be heard through the door. “Who is it?”

“Uh, hi? Our– My name’s Eddie Brock. I, um, look I know it’s late and this is weird, but I have a…. friend who knows you.”

“Good for you. That tells me nothing at all about why you’re at my door at one in the morning.“

There was an amused tone to his voice when he spoke next. “If I were to tell you, you probably wouldn’t open the door.”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, now that all my red flags are up, this is the point where I tell you to fuck off.”

Silence stretched on for a moment, before mumbling was heard on the other side. Something that actually sounded like arguing. Oh goody. You had a crazy person on the other side of your door.

Eddie spoke up again a heartbeat later. “I’m not going away until you talk to me.”

“Then enjoy sleeping in the hallway. Also, if you’re still there in the morning, I am, presently, in possession of a bat. Which I shall happily use on you if you make me late for class.”

“You got a chain on that door?”

You scowled. “Two. And a bat.”

“Then you don’t have to let me in. I just want to say my piece and then I’ll leave. Scout’s honor.”

You waffled over that for a moment. Maybe too long, because there was a curious ‘hello?’ from the other side of the door. “I’m thinking!” you called back, pushing away from the door and pacing a little.

Crazy man outside the door, assholes keeping watch, and you had a bat. Yeah, you were going to die.

Sighing, thinking perhaps, lack of sleep had made you stupid, you slid both chains into place, then unlocked the door and opened it enough to peek out. “Talk fast.”

He blinked at you. “You’re prettier than he said you were.”

“Okay then. Closing the door now.”

“Wait, wait! I’m sorry. Please don’t go. He’s been driving me nuts for days trying to get me to come here.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “And who would ‘he’ be, exactly?”

“He calls himself ‘Venom’.”

“Uh huh.”

Eddie rose a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “I’m fucking this up. Look, I’m a reporter. I was trying to expose Carlton Drake and his Life Foundation for experimenting on homeless people and– Are you alright?”

You felt like throwing up. He’d been doing what?! God, it was so much worse than just torturing aliens. It took everything you had to keep from having a mild panic attack. “Sorry, Mr. Brock. I don’t do interviews.”

“Oh, no. I’m not here for that. I got too close to the truth and he… Look, long story short, I know about the symbiotes.”

Plural. There had been more than one. Your brain latched onto that and didn’t let go. “There was more than one?!”

He frowned. “You didn’t know?”

“No! I— Wait. Why the fuck are you here then? Who the hell is your ‘friend’ and why would…. they….” Your voice trailed off at the familiar blackness that extended from his ‘jacket’ and reached out to touch your hand. You’d thought it would feel sticky or wet, but all you felt was a coolness as the symbiote curled around your fingers. “Holy shit. Holy shit! You shouldn’t be here! You can’t be here! Drake, he’s got people watching me! You have to run–”

A darkness flit across Eddie’s eyes. “They won’t be a problem for you anymore.”

You went still. That hadn’t been Eddie’s voice. 

Well, at least your hunch that the symbiote was sentient had been proven. Take that Adam.

Eddie blinked a bit, the blue returning to his eyes as he met your stunned gaze again. Even quirked a smile at you as you watched the bit of symbiote retreat from your hand and vanish into his ‘jacket’. “We promise, we won’t hurt you.”

You felt like babbling incoherently. Instead, you slid the chains off and opened the door fully, stepping back as he entered. Kept a hold on the bat, mostly because you felt too numb to let go of it as you mechanically closed the door, locking it.

He was eyeing all the open books and scattered papers on the kitchen table when you turned to look at him, and Eddie glanced up when he felt your stunned stare. “You’re not going to pass out are you?”

“Don’t get snippy, I have a bat,” you mumbled as you staggered past him, going to sit down on the edge of the couch. “So, it– the symbiote. It is sentient.”

Eddie moved to lean on the wall opposite you, thankfully giving you the room you needed to process things. “Painfully so. Can’t get it to shut up half the time. Ow! Goddamn it!” You looked up to see him rubbing at the side of his neck, where a tiny bite mark was visible. “Quit it!”

“You bonded with it.” You and the others at the Lab had guessed that it would be possible for a human to ‘host’ the symbiote. It hadn’t been proven, merely an educated hypothesis. But you knew now that Carlton Drake hadn’t been merely ‘studying’ the symbiotes. He’d been experimenting on them, and on people.

“Yeah. Drake…. Bastard caught me while I was snooping around and used me as an experiment. He expected it to kill me, not bond with me and use me to escape.”

“Use you?”

“Wasn’t exactly planning on bonding with an alien,” Eddie drawled with a tired smirk. “It’s been…. hard. It– Venom. It’s predatory as hell. Kill first, nevermind the questions, y’know? But I can be a stubborn bastard too. And apparently symbiotes prefer willing hosts rather than ones they have to constantly fight with. So we came to an…. understanding. I honestly didn’t expect him to drag me here. Or that he even knew anyone else in the City.”

You tightened your hand on the bat at the curious tone of his voice. “I had a part time job at the Life Foundation. I didn’t know about…. most of what you told me. The human experiments, the other symbiotes…. I’m just a geneticist, fuck I’m still in University…. I’m basically a glorified lab rat. I thought it was a good job but….”

“But you figured out the symbiote was sentient.”

“Yeah. There was another scientist that liked to torment it, and I threatened him into backing off….” You rose your gaze to Eddie, who was watching you calmly. “Is it alright? It’s safe with you?”

“Kinda more like I’m safe with it.” He let you digest that for a moment before pushing off from the wall. “He wants to talk to you. Is that alright?”

You blinked. “It… it can do that?”

“With a host, yeah. Just…. don’t scream.”

“Scream? Why would I–” Your eyes widened as blackness encompassed Eddie. It cocooned him, growing bigger, easily growing to seven feet tall, massive shoulders and arms, hands tipped with wicked talons. Pale eyes opened to peer at you, a long tongue curling out from a large fang filled maw to lick at it’s lips.

Okay, yeah. You felt like screaming.

Barely managed to stay quiet, merely clinging to your bat. A bat that the creature in front of you could probably use as a toothpick after it killed you and ate your corpse.

It - Venom - seemed upset at your fear, a voice like dark, predatory, rolling thunder filling the small apartment. “SHH, LITTLE MORSEL. WE WOULD NEVER HARM YOU. DON’T BE AFRAID.”

Afraid? Oh, you were beyond afraid. “To be fair, you’re…. very different,” you grated out. “And big. Very big.”

“HEH. THAT WE ARE. EDDIE IS A GOOD HOST. IF A LITTLE ANNOYING.” Venom walked across the room, crouching in front of you and reaching out to place a massive hand against your face, cupping your cheek. “WE WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM, BUT WE REMEMBERED YOU. REMEMBERED WHAT YOU SAID, THAT NOT ALL HUMANS ARE LIKE DRAKE OR ADAM. THAT SOME ARE LIKE YOU, KIND, BRAVE.”

Your breath left you in a trembling sigh. “Not that brave. I didn’t want to leave you there. I really didn’t.”

“THEY WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU, WE KNOW.” He rumbled, brushing his thumb across your cheek before pulling away, tilting his head as he regarded you. “WE WANT TO KEEP YOU SAFE. WE TOOK CARE OF THOSE STALKING YOU.”

“Stalking– You mean Drake’s men? But, he’ll know you’ve been here!”

A chuckle left him, low, baritone, predatory. “WE KNOW HOW TO COVER OUR TRACKS, MORSEL. THEY’LL NEVER FIND THE BODIES.”

You didn’t know if that was a comfort or not. Finally decided that you didn’t much care. Drake and his assholes could rot in hell. “Thanks. I didn’t much like them shadowing me all the time.”

“WE KNOW. WE WERE IN THE SHADOWS WHEN DRAKE OFFERED YOU MONEY FOR TURNING US IN.” At your horrified and shocked expression, he rumbled again, soothingly this time. “WE KNEW YOU WOULDN’T SIDE WITH HIM. BUT WE COULDN’T MEET YOU UNTIL WE TRACKED DOWN HIS MEN. THERE WERE MANY.”

“Do I even want to know how long you’ve been tailing me?”

A hissing laugh left him. “PROBABLY NOT.”

“Alrighty then.” Your hand cramped from clutching at the bat as tightly as you were, and you winced a bit as you forced your stiff fingers to uncurl from around it, setting it aside. Venom seemed pleased that you’d set your ‘weapon’ aside, a happy sort of murring noise leaving him. “So…. why did you track me down?”

“WANT TO KEEP YOU SAFE. AND….” You blinked at the tired grumble that followed. “EDDIE SAYS THAT WE SHOULD LEAVE, NOT INTRUDE, BUT WE HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO.”

Did you really want an alien crashing on your couch? A sigh left you as you gave that some thought, but, in the end, you knew you’d cave. You had told the symbiote to track you down if it needed help, and it had. Hadn’t expected it to drag someone else along with it, but that just made things more complicated.

“Alright,” you murmured, smiling a little at the happy rumble that left Venom. “You can stay. You can sleep on the couch.”

He blinked and offered up a curious hiss. “NOT WITH YOU? YOU DON’T TRUST US? WAIT– EDDIE IS COMPLAINING AGAIN. BOUNDARIES?”

A soft laugh left you. “Humans don’t usually share beds with people unless they’re in a relationship with them.”

Fangs were bared in distaste. “THIS IS MORE WEIRD, COMPLICATED, HUMAN THINGS, ISN’T IT?”

“Yup.” You sent a glance at a clock, sighing when you saw it was past two-am. No way you were going to get any work done on that paper now. Class was at eight, and you had to be up and out of the apartment by seven. Five hours sleep…. ugh. “Look, I’m tired, and it’s so late that I’m going to skip my classes tomorrow. Lemme get some sleep, and I’ll let you ask all the questions you want about us weird, complicated, humans. Deal?”

“HEH. DEAL.”

Two hours later, you woke up to the feeling of a large body slipping into bed behind you, now-familiar cool tendrils curling around you as large arms encased you in a hug.

A low rumble sounded in your ear. “COUCH WAS LONELY. AND TOO SMALL.”

Absolutely no clue about boundaries.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching JIBcon videos (part 2 of ?)

Cockles panel

in which Jared is abusive to Misha :C :C :C (and Jensen is maaaaybe angry about Destiel not being canon??? whoa)

previous post HERE

-

03:51

how long’s it been, 3 days? 4? idk but HI LET’S WATCH MORE

i was 11 minutes in, after 2 hours. oh boy

-

just rewatching the bit where the fan asks if they can sip the apple juice and i just realised jensen said “no!!” at the same time misha nodded and said “yep”

-

aaaaand jensen watches misha drink before he licks his lips and drinks too *u*

-

03:56pm

misha: “supernatural the series will be ending, it’s been announced, but we will be doing a puppet show in jensen’s backyard... for another ten seasons”

i would pay money

misha’s joking but i would pay money

-

and jensen’s mouthing “oh my gaaahd” at misha bc he did not expect 500 people to cheer that

jensen: “THAT’S BRILLIANT”

yes

yes it is

-

“no seriously i think we’re gonna do that”

i would legit love that pls do

-

the apple juice is getting to him already

-

04:00

fan: “what one thing you won’t miss after it’s done? and don’t say each other, that’s not true”

shoutout to that fan right there looking out for all of us

-

04:0

misha: “i’m not gonna miss jared and jensen hurting me”

jensen goes all quiet, misha touches his leg

AND THEN MISHA APOLOGISES FOR FONDLING HIM

this is so fucking complex but also probably so simple

on the one hand that touch was automatic, assuring jensen, but also misha’s aware of how that exact kind of touch is not especially consensual in the context of what he’s talking about

they kind of seem to have two separate relationships, the personal/private/convention-performance one... and the on-set one. off set, misha’s in charge and jensen is his princess, but then on-set, misha is a sexually abused puppy

and honestly i don’t know how i feel about this, so i try and figure out how misha feels about it. like... it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t enjoy being hurt, but rarely actually gets upset about it (i.e.: the airplane), and still maintains an apparently consensual, respectful and emotionally intimate relationship with jensen and jared outside of set??? it’s confusing to me and what i’m seeing here isn’t really helping me understand yet

-

04:12

oop the video finished, time to move to the next one

i’m still torn on this issue

like it’s...... funny, i guess? jared army crawling onto set to hurt misha? BUT ALSO IT’S NOT, and it shouldn’t be, it’s only funny because they apparently find it funny

or at least jensen does, but jensen loves misha the most, so like.......... 

god i still don’t know

every year i’m still baffled by this

i just want jared to stop hurting misha

those poor inner thighs

-

part 2!!

JIB10 - Jensen and Jared and Misha panel part2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd8O2-_Akk0&ab_channel=thiniassk

04:16

misha’s now talking about mark (sheppard?) and how mark wants other cast people to make “an environment where people are happy to go to work” the way the spn cast does

back to the thigh pinching though. so misha can quote that with total conviction... so i guess despite the pain he does enjoy it?? maybe he’s just a masochist and likes being hurt, idk...... and yet he says he won’t miss it once it’s over

who knows if i will ever understand this

-

04:1?

extended eye contact with misha as jensen says “i would’ve loved to have slept in”

UH HUH

-

04:?5

OH GOD IT’S HAPPENING IT’S HAPPENING THEY’RE LYING ON TOP OF EACH OTHER

in which jensen is being misha and misha is being jared

“yeah you sexy bitch you like this”

????????????????????????????????????????

-

and then misha pulls jensen up by the hand~

that did not last nearly long enough

-

ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEY DIDN’T EVEN GET TO RECOVER OR FINISH THE SENTENCE BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE COMES ON STAGE

UGH

EVERY FUCKING TIME

WHEN DO WE NOT GET COCKBLOCKED

-

OH it’s not even everyone else it’s just jared

does he have internal alarms that go off when jensen and misha are being publicly intimate and he has to show up with a cowbell and a taser

-

04:30

jensen is definitely tipsy now

-

04:41

jared: “i was like ‘shut up bitch’ and you were like ‘yeah, hit me’

jensen facepalms and misha mouths “no i didn’t”

?????

jared is such a wildcard in this dynamic

on the one hand they’re advertising themselves as the model set relationship, and there’s obviously love between them, but on the other hand they’re all being abused by jared 

i 

i’m so perplexed

-

04:35

https://youtu.be/dd8O2-_Akk0

misha to jensen: “do you... you wanna tell your... your dream?”

jensen shakes head “nope”

jared: “whoa!! this just got really romantic” (backs up)

(thank you jared for trying to keep out of this, i guess)

-

04:44

i just took a lil break and i’m back now

i thought a bit about what i’ve watched so far today and compared it to the first part of the panel that i watched last time, and i’m trying to figure out if the energy is different because i’m in a different mood or whether it actually changed around the same point i paused last time, around the 11 minute mark. the first part of this was flirty and silly and fun, and then that vibe kind of plummeted... i guess it was because they started talking immediately about the abuse on set

but yeah, no, just typing that made me realise i’m right, the energy did change. misha mellowed out and jensen followed suit. despite getting tipsy and being more open to shaking his ass, he and misha remained subdued

like.. jensen clearly finds the abuse hilarious but i don’t think misha does. he loves jared and jensen both but i think there is legit pain there. people can be both abusive and loving, you know? jared’s awful but also nice, and i guess i enjoy his obvious outward support for jensen and misha’s romantic relationship, but i’ve always found it harder to appreciate him, compared to the effortless love i have for misha.

misha always, ALWAYS demonstrates that it’s absolutely possible to be dominant without hurting or demeaning people, and jared is just... not like that.

and yeah this upsets me enough that i’m now blurry-eyed with tears while typing this

it’s been kind of hard to enjoy this part of the video and i needed a moment away to figure out why

my favourite jibcon will always be the one where jensen leaned in to kiss misha. he was upset and misha went to comfort him, and supported him the whole time. i was thinking the other day how that energy was fresh. like they’d only just begun a sexual/romantic relationship in real life, or were about to and were eager for it. and this time it’s clearly been years and they’re more comfortable with their attraction.

but like.

yeah i’m disappointed that jared is on stage now. i can’t help it, i always am. his presence just seems especially upsetting after everything misha’s told us

i’m in no way saying they’re not friends, because they are, and i can’t doubt that they’ll be friends for the rest of their lives, happily and comfortably, but at the same time i will never be able to deny that jared is abusive. he violates consent in every possible way and just because it’s funny doesn’t mean it’s okay. these three spin the stories to make us laugh, but truly, under all of it, i find it upsetting.

someone’s always gonna say “but misha’s fine, he can take it”

but abused people can be fine, because they tend to be the strongest people, yet that doesn’t make the abuse okay. he’s not agreeing to it, he’s showing up for work each day because he has an obligation to and a family to feed. and he does love working there, and the people he works with, DESPITE the abuse.

i just. i don’t want people watching this to ever think that it’s okay for friends to hurt you. it’s possible to be bullied by friends. in fact that seems most likely in my own past. you may still be their friend, and your love for them may be warranted, and understandable, because they are lovable, but that doesn’t make their actions okay

-

anyway

-

05:05pm

misha: “are you wearing a t-shirt that says destiel is real?”

jensen’s hand ZOOMs to him i.e. “stop talking”

also he tied the pocket scarf around his neck and it looks good

-

I LOVE THAT EVERYONE CHEERS

omg remember when people would boo

THIS IS BETTER

-

is jensen like........ pumping for more cheers or being sarcastic? can’t tell, it’s kind of both

-

and then jensen just goes “DESTIEL IS REAL”

his tone is like.........forceful joking? but also he just SAID it ???

jensen: “is it? is it??”

crowd: “yes no yesss noo”

-

https://youtu.be/dd8O2-_Akk0?t=12m59s

jensen: “where? where is it real?”

misha: (pulls jensen down) “don’t get in a fight with people, honey”

HONEY. HE DID JUST SAY HONEY RIGHT?? HE SAID HONEY.

me: wrote a fic called He Called Me Honey

OMG.

misha is the best and will always be the best and his support is the best and i love him more than words can say

-

05:13

k but

i think people’s claims that the destiel thing annoys jensen do have truth to them. his middle finger is on the mic, he’s PISSED.

but ........

honestly i don’t think it’s for the obvious reason. right now, *tilts head*.... looking at this, i think he’s actually more annoyed that destiel is not canonically canon. from what he sees, people are seeing something that’s “not there”, because despite him acting, he can’t hide his attraction to misha. and it’s still the old stuff from season 4 and 5 that put down the basis for all this, when he didn’t realise his pupils were dilating in the first few weeks with misha. and the storyline pushed them together.

theory: jensen’s annoyed about the destiel thing because it’s not as canon as he wants it to be.

maybe.

just........ the way he reacts to destiel stuff out of panels seems way more supportive. he’s just currently feeling attacked by the disparity of opinion in the room, everyone yelling about their take on it, whereas his question was legitimate: “where are you guys seeing the romance?” because (despite his best efforts?) dean still hasn’t kissed cas on screen.

deleted scenes = deleted destiel. i’m still 80% convinced when cas came back from the empty, there was a shot where dean kissed him. and it wasn’t used. (i have no proof. this is a theory. just with the setup to the scene, and the way jensen flirts with misha on set, i refuse to believe there wasn’t a kiss shot at some point. even if jensen was messing around for giggles. he knows what’s up, deep down.)

anyway, my point is, i don’t think jensen understands the romantic subtext. i think he understands physical touching, spoken words, kisses. and he hasn’t seen that in the show. i think he absolutely acts dean as being best friends with cas, but the subtextual romance comes from the writers, editors, and people picking up on jensen’s unconscious attraction.

but jensen has not seen what he would interpret as Romance in the show. and i think he’s miffed that other people see it, because in his interpretation that means it’s actor bleed. i think he just doesn’t get it. not saying he hasn’t studied subtext and stuff, as a director, but i think for him personally, romance is romance when it’s seen (hence him touching cas a lot more when he directs). and any bold choices he’s made as dean interacting with cas have been hidden away by the producers.

again, this is all theory, my take on it. the other theory is that he doesn’t support destiel and doesn’t like talking about it at all. but THAT IS NOT TRUE and if anything, *THIS* and *THIS* prove that

-

05:50pm

k well those links just took me 20 minutes to find, and i still can’t find the version with the actual fanart. it was sunshine yellow, dean and cas were naked in towels, drinking coffee, and dean has a boner under his towel, and jensen drew a speech bubble saying “who the fuck are you?”

 but yeah i think i gotta stop for today. I WILL BE BACK. maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few days. still got 4 minutes of this panel and then jensen & misha’s solo panels to watch. and i wanna get all my reaction posts up before the ‘good omens’ series drops at the end of may!! because maybe i’mma post reactions to those on tumblr too c:

hope you’re all having a decent day <3

Elmie x

[accidentally-a-writer]

If you're accepting request, "Missing and Presumed Dead", "Cry into Chest", "Hiding an Injury", and "Infected Wound" please?

Laurens and Lafayette winced as another glass broke in the next room. And another. And another. 

Each shatter was accompanied by a hoarse shout from General Washington. 

They’d returned from a mission, (burning a supplier of British ammunition) it was a success and incredibly important to the war. They’d returned from the mission without Alexander Hamilton. 

Missions like that are notoriously dangerous, and at first Washington had refused to let Hamilton accompany them. Not taking ‘no’ for an answer, Alexander had finally gotten the general to cave and allow him on the mission. 

Laurens had heard the exchange from the hallway. 

“I cannot allow you to be killed, Alexander.” 

“And I cannot sit behind a desk passively, not while my closest friends risk their lives.” 

“What good are you to me dead?” 

“Please, Your Excellency, allow me this mission. I’ve never failed you yet, have I? Trust me not to fail to return to you.” 

Washington never called Hamilton ‘Alexander’ when others were around, it led Laurens to believe that perhaps the pair were closer than originally thought. (And they seemed pretty close as it was.) 

Another cry, filled with grief. 

The mission had gone to plan, but the commotion the fire caused was not easily lost to the forces, and the group had quickly been caught and pursued. 

A gun went off and-

“Alexander!” Laurens felt the scream tear its way out of his throat, desperate and raw. He watched as his friend slid off his horse bonelessly, the momentum of is galloping horse causing the soldier to roll a few feet before stilling. 

Laurens was about to turn around and retrieve his friend when he felt Lafayette’s firm grip on his arm. His eyes shone with tears also but he shook his head, casting one last glance at his friend’s prone form (body). 

“We can’t. We have to go.” Laurens had wanted to argue but deflated as Lafayette choked back a sob and urged them on, “We can’t do anything for him now.” 

They’d made it back to the camp without further fuss. Apparently the British were fine with a blood sacrifice of one for their troubles. 

Laurens remembered tumbling off his horse, comrades flocking around him, all asking questions, and there were too many questions and too much movement and just too much. 

Lafayette had taken control, as only Lafayette could, and eventually he was left alone. Laurens had yet to utter a word nor move from the place he’d dismounted from. He stared blankly at Lafayette, trying to convey all the emotions he was feeling in a single look. 

Lafayette understood, and the two embraced, mourning what they’d lost and wondering why it wasn’t them that took the bullet. 

Laurens had been bleeding, some cut or other he got in the chase, it as nothing. It was nothing compared to Alexander, who might not have died right away, who probably felt the ground move with his friends’ betrayal and abandonment as he slowly bled out. 

It was nothing, but Gilbert took him to the infirmary tent nonetheless. He promised that Laurens could come back to the general’s quarters that night, and sleep in his own bed. 

Laurens suddenly pitied Lafayette far worse than he pitied his situation, for Lafayette was now tasked with telling Washington his aide had been killed. Alexander had been killed. 

That led them here, hours later, listening to the general’s grief through a stone wall. When Lafayette had told him there was almost no reaction, he’d nodded, expressed condolences, and excused himself to his study. 

Both men knew this was an act for their benefit, ever the stoic and in-control general, George Washington; the general who was now screaming within the confines of his study, raging against a god that would take another child from him. 

“Come,” Lafayette murmured in French, too tired to use English today, “let us give him his privacy.” 

Laurens nodded his assent, and together they left the general to his grief. 

Out in the cool of the nighttime air Laurens allowed himself a moment. Why should he get this moment of calm and peace when all of Alexander’s moments were taken from him? On what earth was this possibly fair? 

Hamilton had once told him he was living on borrowed time, that by all means he should have died many years ago. Laurens laughed and told him to drink more, and make the best of his time then. He didn’t think it would be depleted so soon after. 

George Washington looked wretched the morning after he received the news. His office was in ruins, his alcohol nearly gone, his knuckles cut and bruised, and his throat raw from his shouting. 

It was nothing compared to what he felt in his chest. 

It was like a great pressure had settled itself on his heart, and it kept pushing and pushing and wouldn’t stop because he was gone. Hamilton was dead. That pressure would stay there forever, until his heart inevitably began to shatter with the weight of it all. 

This was his fault. He’d let the boy go, he’d known how dangerous it was, and had had a gut instinct to put his foot to the ground and tell him no. 

But he didn’t and now look what’s happened. 

He could not even send men to find his body, because it was too close to British lines, and he would not risk any more good men. 

Hamilton hated the cold, and now he can never be warm again. 

Washington sighed, and took his first step away from the fireplace towards the door. The glass crunched beneath the sole of his shoe, but he didn’t care about a hole in the sole right now. (He might not be able to care about much for a while, not until he could find some kind of numbness again.) 

As he exited the building into the commotion of the camp an eerie stillness fell. Everyone around him faltered for a moment, their words dying on their lips. They were waiting for some kind of reaction from him, searching for signs of his grief. That was not in line with his general persona; they found none. 

Everyone went back to work and Washington carried on with his walk. He pretended he did not hear the whispers, did not notice the stares of his men. 

They were close, he must be upset

He doesn’t look upset 

Hamilton was a bastard you know, I wonder if he was the general’s bastard 

Would certainly explain somethings. 

He’d heard such whisperings before, jealous men who hated the attention he gave Alexander because it was not them. When he was alive, Alexander had always thought that that was an insult of the most foul of nature; it was not even that his parentage had been revealed that upset the boy, it was that they linked Washington to it. Like having Alexander as a son would be an insult.  

There was a disturbance at the edge of the camp, with a few of the guards. Someone was trying to get through. 

Something urged Washington to run towards them with all his might. And God, was he so glad he did. 

“Stop!” He roared, pushing past the guards who were aiming their pistols at the newcomer. He wasn’t a newcomer at all. “It’s Lieutenant Hamilton.” 

In any other circumstance the gasps and waves sent off by a single sentence would have been comedic. 

The boy let out a relieved sigh that sounded a bit like a sob and let his knees collapse. Washington grabbed him before he hit the ground. A lump had formed in his own throat as he surveyed the boy’s body. 

He was covered in dirt and blood and his own sweat and his fingers and lips had a slight blue tinge to them. Dear God, he’s walked all night. 

Hamilton was clinging to Washington’s uniform, tears making their way down his face as he accepted that he had made it. He was safe. 

Washington wasted no more time, he scooped his aide effortlessly into his arms and hurried towards his quarters. 

Hamilton’s gunshot wound was still oozing blood. 

It was located just left of his neck, lodged into his collarbone like some dammed miracle. A few inches further to the right and Washington knew they would have truly lost him. 

Someone shouted that they were getting a medic, it faded into the white noise around this little bubble Washington had constructed around him and his aide. 

He reached Alexander’s quarters, quick to start stripping Hamilton of his freezing clothes and tossing them to the side, examining the injury with trepidation. It was angry and red and inflamed, it was infected. 

He placed the boy gently on the bed, covering him with the softest sheets he could find. 

“Get the fire started, now!” The servant boy was quick to follow his instructions without a word, he’d been clearing Washington’s study of the glass when he heard the shouts. 

Washington took off his jacket and wrapped it around his boy’s shoulders, if the infection didn’t take him then the cold certainly could. 

Hamilton was still clinging to him, and this time Washington reciprocated. He clutched Hamilton close to his chest, and the boy broke down. 

“I wa-was s-s-so s-scared,” Alexander stuttered, his entire form beginning to shiver as Washington’s heat began to warm his body up. 

“You’re okay, you did so well, son. You did so well.” Washington felt his own tears spring to his eyes as Hamilton sobbed. He’d thought he’d lost him, and yet he was here. 

The medic appeared at the scene, his eyes sympathetic as he watched the pair. Alexander noticed the medic and felt his cheeks flush, despite his extreme cold. He hardly had the energy to move though, so he simply buried his face into Washington’s shirt again. 

Washington maneuvered them so the medic could examine Hamilton’s wound, his fears confirmed when he made the diagnosis. 

“The infection might not be too deep yet, we might still be able to do something for it.” He announced, shooting Washington a grave look. “You may want to stay where you are, General, this will be painful for him.” 

Washington nodded, he was positioned so Alexander was essentially in his lap, with his knees on either side of the boy. He took both of Hamilton’s hands in his own and with the other hand slipped the piece of leather the doctor had given him between his aide’s teeth. 

The doctor did his work and Alexander screamed. 

Somehow, Washington had gotten to gently carding one of his hands through the boy’s hair, whispering assurances into his ear, and praying to God that he wouldn’t take the boy in his arms. 

It felt like his soul was dying though, having to hold Alexander down as someone hurt him. It felt worse when the boy suddenly lost all movement and went completely limp. 

Washington knew that those screams were going to haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. 

“He’s just fallen unconscious due to the pain,” the doctor explained calmly, seeing the general’s panicking expression, “it is probably for the best. He won’t have to feel the stitches.” 

Washington nodded, clutching the limp form to his chest a bit tighter. (For body warmth, he would justify to himself later.) 

The doctor finished his work, and smiled. 

“He’ll live.” 

[chasholidays]

this is our one and only joint promt! @ringmybellarke asked for a bodyswap AU and @la-la-lara asked for a Kimi no Na Wa AU, which, if you aren’t familiar, is also bodyswapping, so we’re filling those together.

I'm calling this canon divergence with grounder Bellamy, but I didn't want to actually deal with grounders or much that happened in canon, so it's the basic premise but there's nothing wrong with the air in the Ark and Bellamy isn't part of any of the grounder groups we know.

Clarke wakes up with an erection, which is exactly as alarming as it sounds, but somehow becomes a secondary concern as everything else about her situation starts to register. Her bed is firmer than it's supposed to be, the air warmer. The sun feels brighter, and there are sounds of people close by, sounds of--something else, too. Sounds she's never heard before in real life, sounds she doesn't have words for.

She opens her eyes to see an expanse of unidentified ground in front of her, much closer than the floor of her bedroom should be. When she pushes herself up, her arm is all wrong too, broad and tan and freckled, and that reminds her of the erection, which is still there, and she looks down at herself, finding a broad, bare chest, obviously male, and a bed made of coarse fabric and something like animal fur.

When she scrambles back, she finds the unfamiliar body is at least wearing shorts, but that's all, and the ground--ground, soil packed hard, or maybe clay, but either way--is cold and hard and a little more forgiving than the metal floor of the Ark.

"What the fuck," she says, her own voice rumbling through her throat, deep and unfamiliar.

"Bell, are you finally up?" someone calls. "It was your day to make breakfast, dick."

In books, people always think things like this are dreams, but the thought barely even registers as a real possibility to Clarke. Everything is too real, too immediate. If this is a dream, it's the most real dream she's ever had.

She pinches herself, once, just to get it out of the way, but when that doesn't work, she calls back, "Sorry, yeah! I'll be out in a minute!"

Even if it is somehow a dream, she can't wake herself up. All she can do is wait, investigate, and try to figure out what's going on and how to fix it.

From what Wells has said, morning erections are annoying but go away on their own, so Clarke ignores that whole issue and goes looking for clothing instead. She finds a wardrobe, an antique made of old, smooth wood, and in it clothing made of the same kind of materials as her bedding is. Some of it's thick and fairly complicated, but she finds the simplest shirt and trousers she can and pulls those on. There's no mirror, so she just inspects her outfit--probably fine--and runs her hands through her hair. It's thick and curly, a bit out of order, but she pats it down and hopes that's good enough.

The door goes straight outside into bright morning sunlight, and Clarke just stares for a minute, overwhelmed with the freshness of the air and the warmth of the sun and the trees stretching towards the sky. She's dreamed of the ground before but never like this, never so vividly, never with the smells and the tastes and--

"Took you long enough."

She looks down to see a girl sitting by a fire. She offers a bowl of something and Clarke accepts it, sitting down next to her cross-legged, only a little awkward with the unusual genitalia.

The girl is cute, maybe twelve or thirteen, with sharp eyes and long, brown hair in a complicated braid. She looks annoyed and expectant, and Clarke doesn't know what her line is, so she goes with, "Sorry I'm late. Overslept."

It's apparently the right thing to say. "I told you not to stay out so late."

"Sorry."

"You can stop apologizing, it's getting old. Just eat your breakfast and you're cooking tomorrow. I'll come wake you up, I don't care if you have someone in there."

"I didn't. Just tired."

"Whatever." She starts shoveling food into her mouth; Clarke follows suit, a little slower at first, but while the food isn't familiar, it is delicious, probably the best thing she's ever eaten, fresh and flavorful, tastes bursting on her tongue. Before she knows it, she's wolfing it down like she has't eaten in weeks.

"This is so good," she says. "What is it?"

It's a stupid thing to say, of course, and the girl gives her an odd look. "You made it."

"Oh, right."

"Are you okay?"

Clarke pastes on a smile. "Feeling kind of off. Didn't sleep well. Do I need to do anything important today?"

"How am I supposed to know?" she grumbles, but Clarke must be selling the off feeling, because she repents. "You told Tyr that you'd help with the garden, remember?"

"Right. Thanks."

She shakes her head. "Try drinking less." She drinks the remaining liquid in her bowl and sets it aside. "I cooked, you wash. See you tonight?"

"Have a good day," says Clarke, and the girl just waves over her shoulder as she goes.

Alone now, Clarke has the chance to really look around. She--or Bell, rather--seems to live in a small hut, one of several surrounding the fire pit where the girl was cooking. It seems to be the standard configuration for dwellings in the village. It seems to just be Bell and the girl in this group, which is odd too. She doesn't have a strong sense of how old Bell might be, but they seem young to be living alone. Could the girl be her daughter? Is Bell maybe a word for father? Or are they just friends? Orphans, maybe?

Fuck, what a mess.

There doesn't seem to be any plumbing, which means she has no idea where she's supposed to wash the breakfast dishes. But she sees some other people with what look like things to wash and follows them, at a fairly safe distance. If they're not going to the well or whatever else they use to clean things here, she can always say she was going somewhere else.

She's not sure where; she'll come up with something.

But the women leave the woods and make their way to a river, the water shining in the morning sunlight, so beautiful it nearly takes her breath away. She never dreamed it could look like this, that it could be like this.

She finds a spot on the shore, not too close to the women, and she's about to dip the bowl in when she suddenly catches sight of her own reflection in the water.

It's not like looking in a mirror, not really enough to get the whole picture, but she can make out a few features. Whoever she is, her hair is black and in some sort of order, and her eyes are dark.

She thinks she looks nice.

"There you are, Bellamy." An older woman sits down next to him, dipping her feet in the water. "Octavia said you were slacking on your cooking duties."

Bellamy. Bell for short. And the girl is Octavia.

"I overslept," she explains. "Out too late last night."

"You need more balance," she says, stretching down to dip her fingers in the water. "I know I said you work too hard, but you can't fix that by working just as hard as ever and throwing yourself into--" She makes a face like she's smelling something rotten. "Whatever it is you young people get up to."

Clarke smiles. "I was thinking about taking the day off, but I'm supposed to help with--" The words falter. For all she knows, this woman is Tyr, and Bellamy agreed to help with her garden.

Which must be the case, because the woman's expression softens. "It's not pressing to help with the garden, you know. If it wasn't for my back--"

"You know I'm happy to help."

"I know you are. And you know you don't owe me anything. You're family, it's my job to take care of you."

"It's my job to take care of you too," Clarke shoots back. She's got an idea of what Bellamy is like, one of those boys who treats his mother well but still likes fingering girls in dark corners at parties. She's hooked up with guys like that.

"Well, you can take care of me tomorrow. Today, you should take it easy."

On the Ark, she wouldn't manage it. She wouldn't be able to just take a day off from her responsibilities, and even if she'd been relieved, she would have found something productive to do.

On the ground, though, she doesn't know what her responsibilities are, and even if she did, she probably wouldn't know how to do them. The last thing she wants to do is screw up Bellamy's life. So she spends the day exploring, seeing all she can of the ground, trying to figure out if this is somehow, against all the odds, real. It doesn't make any sense, isn't even possible, but she can't convince herself it's just a dream. She can feel the chill of the running water, taste the food. There's bark under her fingers and clean air in her lungs.

It has to be real.

She eats dinner back in her own fire pit with Octavia. Her dinner is not up to Bellamy's usual standards, but apparently "I'm not feeling well today" is still an acceptable excuse for fucking up. Some of the other kids in town seem to expect her to come hang out with them, but she doesn't know if she can really pass for Bellamy , so she goes back to her own hut, jerks off mostly to see what it's like, and passes out.

The next morning, she wakes up in her own body and her own room, and through all the weirdness, only one thought emerges: they can live on the ground.

*

Over breakfast, she discovers Bellamy was in her body too, and she asks lightly probing questions to figure out if he did or said anything that she might need to know about, but he mostly seems to have made excuses as good as hers were. Her father covered for her some, and there's a part of her that wants to tell him, to see if he could help somehow, but it sounds so absurd. She wouldn't believe it herself, except that she can still feel the dirt under her fingers.

"Do you think anyone could have survived on Earth?" she asks Jake.

He frowns. "Through the apocalypse, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"If they did, they'd be in bad shape. Maybe not even--" He taps his jaw, thinking about the best way to explain. "It's possible, but if they're down there, they haven't gotten in touch. They're having no visible impact on the environment. Probably no technology. We'd have no way of knowing they existed."

That checks out with what Clarke experienced in the village. They didn't even seem aware of the tech Clarke takes for granted, the stuff they would have had on the ground before the nukes hit. There were repurposed parts around, antiques like Bellamy's closet, but no power at all.

"But they could be down there. The Earth could be survivable."

"In theory, for some people. Mutations exist," he explains. "You know that. The impact would have killed some people instantly, and the radiation would have gotten most of the survivors. But the ones who didn't die would have higher resistance, and they'd pass that on. Assuming the community was large and diverse enough, they could have had a few generations by now. But it's not that simple."

Clarke smiles. "That's simple?"

Jake waves her off; he's on a roll now. "The Earth hasn't exactly been stable all this time; it wasn't just one cataclysmic event. Even if there were survivor of the first blast, they might not have made it through the subsequent upheaval. That's part of why we don't want to go down."

"Like what?"

He rubs his jaw. "Why all the sudden interest in Earth?"

The temptation to tell him flares again. She could ask what she did yesterday, what else she said about the ground, explain where the her mind had been. But it's just so unbelievable. Even if he said he didn't argue with her, she wouldn't be surprised to be taken in for a psych evaluation. "I had a weird dream," she says. "It made me wonder if maybe--I guess I always just assumed there was nothing down there. That there couldn't be."

"Anything is possible," says Jake, and that does make her smile. He doesn't know the half of it.

"So, what else is wrong down there? What kinds of upheavals?"

"Nuclear reactors are still melting down. Our ancestors didn't know what to do with all the toxic waste they produced, and they were hoping we'd figure out how to deal with it. We monitor them, I remember a bad one in North America a few years back on the west coast that would have killed anyone living nearby."

"Except for people with particularly strong resistance."

"Depending on how close they were to the reactor."

"Do you think we'll ever make it down there?" she asks.

"Someday. Maybe not us."

"Maybe not," Clarke agrees, and the next morning, she's back on the ground.

*

The second day on Earth is easier. Clarke wakes up on time and figures out how to make breakfast for herself and Octavia. She finds the older woman, Tyr, and helps her with her garden. Clarke's not good at it, of course, but Tyr is unbothered, apparently just happy to have company, even when Clarke screws up. She manages to get some more information out of Tyr, too, putting together some of Bellamy's family tree. Octavia is his sister, of course, such a simple answer that Clarke never would have guessed in a thousand years. People have sisters here--Tyr, too, is Bellamy's grandfather's sister, who hasn't been taking care of Bellamy and Octavia after their mother died so much as just being around, present if they need her.

Once the gardening is done, Clarke jumps in the lake to clean off, and it's like nothing she's ever felt before, the full-body submersion, like she imagines zero-g, but with the press of water all around her, cool and refreshing and primal. Maybe she'll come back enough that she could feel rain. That would be something.

After dinner, she looks around Bellamy's room until she finds some thick parchment and a piece of charcoal. It's still possible on that second day that this will never happen again, but even if it doesn't, it can't hurt to send Bellamy a message. Just in case.

Bellamy,

I assume by now you know I'm Clarke Griffin. When I get back home, I'm going to write a list of things you should know about my life, in case this happens again. I hope you'll do the same for me. It can't hurt to be prepared.

Thanks in advance, Clarke

When she sits down to write the information out for Bellamy the next day, though, she finds herself struggling to sum up what he needs to know. In the end, she tries to think of every question she has about his life and answer it for her own. She explains what she knows of the apocalypse, how each of the stations was populated, how they joined together to form the Ark. She tells him about the formation and structure of the council, distribution of resources, how much she'd like him to avoid being arrested for anything. She outlines her daily schedule, makes lists of people she knows and how she relates to them, and lets him know he can ask any other questions he wants.

It feels a little silly, writing a note to a boy who may or may not be switching bodies with her, but it just makes sense. She's sure he's as confused as she is, and if it's happened twice, there's no reason to think it won't happen again. Maybe this will just be her life now, being half Clarke, half Bellamy.

Once she's done all that work, she does expect that nothing will happen, that putting everything down on paper will somehow have fixed it, but when she opens her eyes she sees the now-familiar roof of Bellamy's hut and sighs.

This is her life.

*

Bellamy is eighteen years old, and his mother died six months ago after a long illness. His sister is twelve and a handful, especially since their mother passed. His village is one of several in a loose alliance, which is in turn part of a larger coalition, but they're far away from other people and don't tend to socialize much. His father died when he was very young, and his sister's father died when she was very young, so he had to grow up fast, even with the support of the rest of the community. He likes history and has been taking advantage of the resources on the Ark to learn more about how it came to be, so a lot of her information will be redundant, but he probably won't mind. She'll have a different perspective.

Since his days are less structured than hers, he's given her a list of things things she can do without raising suspicions or injuring herself, as well as as breakdown of people he knows and what they might want to talk about. He's noted things he has to get done, would like to get done, and would like to avoid, and it makes Clarke smile, thinking of him putting all this together. She's never had a penpal, but she's heard the term before, and it feels a little like that. Albeit much, much stranger.

If you have time, you should also write a run-down of the highlights of your day, he adds, at the end of his letter. Anything I should know that you did, so it doesn't look like I forgot about it. I'll do the same for you. If this is going to keep happening, we should have each other's backs.

And that's what they do. It's an odd kind of relationship, by necessity, but being Bellamy somehow slots into Clarke's routine. She gets used to never waking up where she went to sleep, to cooking the recipes Bellamy leaves for her in the morning, going out to look for herbs he needs or helping with construction or whatever else. More than that, she's getting used to the feel of sunlight on her skin, the taste of fresh air in her lungs, to having the whole world at her fingertips.

She wants that to be her life so much she can taste it.

Do you know where you are on Earth? she writes him one night, and the next time she's in his body, he's responded, North America, west coast. Near the former US/Canada border. Why?

That afternoon, she consults the latest images they have of that part of the Earth, trying to figure out if their satellites have picked up any trace of civilization. They're not close to the ocean, so it would be inland a little, in the forest, maybe, but--

The whole area is brown and faded, dead in a way that makes Clarke's stomach turn. She's seen places like that on the map before, places that were hit by bombs, places that were destroyed beyond recognition, and that can't be right. She's been there, in that village, in that vibrant forest. She's drunk the clear water and breathed the clean air.

It can't be like that.

Did you ever look for the village on the Ark's satellites? she asks Bellamy that night.

I have now, he writes back. I asked your dad what happened to it, and he says a reactor melted down a few years back. The one "we" talked about, so I assume that means you. If you've got any ideas about what it means, I'm open to suggestions.

It's a lot to take in, early in the morning. Because there are really only a couple options, if she does believe that she and Bellamy are switching places, that all of this is real and true. Either Bellamy is wrong about where he lives, or he's right but he somehow doesn't live there anymore, or doesn't live there now. And that one honestly seems more likely, which is fucked up, but she's already switching bodies with someone. How much weirder is it if she's also traveling through time?

How many generations has it been for you since the bombs? she asks Bellamy, and he does a little drawing, tracing his mother's family back to the first one born after the bombs, his great-grandmother, five years after. It tracks roughly with Clarke's own timeline, but not so close he couldn't be a few years earlier.

What if you're about to be destroyed? she asks him.

How would we know? he writes back.

Clarke thinks about asking Jake, but it feels dangerous. He's an adult, and she still can't help thinking he won't believe her. She loves him, and she trusts him, but not with this.

"What are the stages of nuclear meltdown?" she asks Raven.

Raven's eyebrows go up. "How so?"

"If someone was living close to a nuclear reactor that was going to meltdown, how would they know? What are the warning signs?"

"I swear, you're just getting weirder."

Clarke and Raven aren't exactly close, not like she and Wells are, but Clarke kind of wants them to be. She'd had a crush for a while, but it passed, like crushes do when you don't do anything about them. But Raven is the smartest person she knows, with the broadest knowledge base. The best resource.

"I know. It's been a weird few weeks. Would there be illness? What?"

"Illness, plants and animals dying off, acid rain, probably. Seriously, why?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Yeah? Try me."

She shouldn't, she really shouldn't. But she wants to. She's so tired of hiding a fucking miracle.

"I think I'm traveling through time and living half my life as a grounder boy who's about to die, and I want to save him."

Raven blinks a few times, fast, like she's rebooting. "What?"

"I told you you wouldn't believe me."

"Yeah, that's pretty unbelievable." She wets her lips, studies Clarke. "I need more information."

"Every other day, I'm someone else. Just in the last month or so. I don't know how it happened, but--I feel like I've been to the ground, Raven. Like I know what it's like. And he and I--we talk. We leave each other notes. I asked him where he lives, and it was destroyed when a reactor melted down a few years ago. So if it's real and I'm doing it--I have to know how to save him. Where he can go that's safe."

Raven just looks at her for a long moment. "Can I see the notes?" she finally asks.

It feels a little like betrayal, leading Raven back to her room and pulling the notepad out of its hiding place. But she's helping, isn't she? It's not as if Bellamy ever asked her to keep the notes safe. That was always her decision. If he wanted to tell his sister about her, that would be his call.

Raven scans through the journal, pages and pages of--conversation, really. Clarke and Bellamy discussing their days, their lives, their relationships. She's talked more to him than she has anyone else, this last much. She knows so much about him, without ever having seen his face completely.

"Either this is real or you're legitimately nuts," says Raven.

"Those are the two options, yeah."

"Okay, so--assuming you're not, I'm going to see this Bellamy guy tomorrow?"

"Talk to him, anyway. He'll still look like me."

She nods. "So, which reactor is it? Let's see if we can figure out how long he's got."

It's the oddest kind of collaboration, the three of them working together across time and space to try to save Bellamy's life, which might not even need saving. Maybe she's totally wrong about this, maybe he's in a parallel universe too, maybe he's farther in the past that she thinks, maybe the whole thing is just a big waste of time.

But if this is some kind of magic--and Clarke doesn't know what else it could be besides magic--then there must be a reason. And maybe the reason is that Bellamy and his village need saving, and Clarke can help them. Maybe that's why all this is happening.

"What's he like?" she asks Raven, late one night as they're mapping a route from the village to a fallout shelter that might be in good enough shape to keep everyone safe through the meltdown.

"Who, Bellamy?"

"Yeah."

"You talk to him more than I do."

"But I've never actually talked to him."

"Neither have I, I've just talked to you with someone else's brain." She shrugs. "What do you want me to tell you? He's smart and interesting and I don't want him to die either."

"Do you think it's safe for us to go to the ground?"

"Not yet. Not there, anyway. I'd give it another few years before the radiation has cleared out enough for the land to be safe again. Probably not arable, but they can get out of wherever they're hiding and move south in--" She clucks her tongue. "Three years. For us. I'd say five years total underground for Bellamy and his crew. Assuming they find somewhere they can stay."

"What if I never know?" Clarke asks, fingers tracing the trail on the map. It'll be a two-day trip, Clarke going out and Bellamy returning, so both of them can take a look at the shelter and decide whether or not it's going to work. "What if we stop switching and I just--never find out what happened to him?"

"We'll get you down there," Raven says. "Even if it's just you, I'll get you down there. If you still want to chase your brain pal down in three years."

"It would be pretty sad if we went to all this trouble and never even knew if it worked."

"You don't think you'll just spend every other day as him for the rest of your life?"

"I hope not," she says, a kneejerk response that doesn't even quite make sense. "I want to meet him," she admits, when Raven raises her eyebrows.

Raven nods. "Yeah. Let's make that happen."

*

They end up spending four days in the fallout shelter, filling Raven in on all the details, Clarke doing sketches, Bellamy testing the hydroponics, Raven nearly murdering both of them as she tries to describe how to fix things she can't get her hands on.

But by the end of the four days, they've turned the place into a viable living option. It's not pretty, and it won't be a fun five years, but the Ark isn't fun either. They'll survive, Clarke is pretty sure, and that's the most important thing.

Black rain this afternoon, Bellamy writes, two days after he gets back to the village. I'm going to ask Raven what that means, how long we have. I guess we should maybe just get in there, before it gets worse.

You're going to have to be in there for five years, I wouldn't be in a hurry.

You just don't want to be stuck in a bunker, he teases. I don't blame you, you're already stuck in a space bunker. It must have been nice for you to get out. But I'm not taking any chances.

Good, don't. She worries her lip, staring at the blank expanse of paper in front of her. She's never been as good at words as she is at drawing, doesn't know how to put together what she wants to say. I'm afraid that when you go in the bunker, this is going to stop and we're not going to switch anymore. So if this is the end, I'm glad I met you. Or whatever I did.

And then, she does what she does best: she draws. She draws Raven for him, Wells, her parents, her room. She draws the Earth from the window of the Ark, Octavia and Tyr, Bellamy's hut and the woods and, finally, herself, the best self-portrait she can manage. It's far from her best work, quick and sketchy, and her hand aches by the time she's done, but at least it's something.

The sun is almost coming up. What happens if she doesn't go to sleep? Would she be trapped in Bellamy's body? In his life?

It's not worth the risk. She doesn't want to be Bellamy, she wants to be with him.

So she goes to sleep and wakes up in her own bed, as exhausted as she'd expect after pulling an all-nighter. It's tempting to just roll over and catch a few more hours, but she drags herself up to find Bellamy's letter, just to see if there's anything pressing she should know and any reason she has to get out of bed today. Maybe she can just mope around feeling sorry for herself. She's been a different person part-time for months now. She's earned a break.

He has the usual updates, logistics, a breakdown of what Raven told him about the shelter and what his plans are. And then, at the end, squeezed in like he was trying to make every inch of paper count, there it is: Maybe this is just me, but I think this might be the last time we do this. I've got a feeling I'm not going to see you again. Or be you again, I guess. So if this is it, I just want to say thanks. Not just for the shelter stuff. I think I needed a break from my life, and I got one. Whatever else happens, I'm so grateful this happened, that I got to meet you.

I guess if this isn't the last time, this is going to be weird, so if we're back day after tomorrow, just don't mention this, okay? Thanks.

Clarke clutches the letter to her chest, curling around it as she closes her eyes.

That night, she goes to sleep in her bed and, for the first time in three months, she wakes up there too.

It's a good thing. It has to be.

*

It's probably a good thing they have to wait three years for the radiation to clear up, because it takes that long for her to convince anyone that they can go down. Even saying she did it a bit of a stretch, because Raven did most of the work. Clarke could have used Bellamy as an argument, but the two of them decided that trying to use her notebook full of messages from Bellamy as evidence would be questionable, at best. It worked with Raven, but she can't go in front of Chancellor Jaha and Marcus Kane and Diana Syndey and her mother with a story about how she spent every other day of her life in someone else's body.

So instead, they go for facts. Raven looks at data like plant growth, oxygen levels, radiation levels on the Ark. None of it is evidence, not enough to be sure, but it's enough for the council to finally approve a dropship, a test mission.

"I don't want you on it," Abby tells Clarke, as she packs.

"It was my idea. If I don't go down, why would anyone else?"

"Clarke--"

"What?"

"How are you so sure?"

She thinks of Bellamy's final letter under her pillow, the same place it's been for all these years. It's stupid, maybe, ridiculous, to hold on for this long, but he's like a loose tooth she can't pull out, her unfinished business.

She has to know. She has to see if it was real.

"I don't know," she says, and it's mostly true. "I just am. I have to be."

"I hope you're right."

Clarke hugs her tight. It's not goodbye, but it might be one of the last times. Even if everything goes right and she can survive, the rest of the Ark may not come down. They may decide that it's not worth the trouble or the risk.

"I do too."

She and Raven take a hundred volunteers, mostly people around her age, a few dumbass kids in the Skybox who like their odds on the ground better than they like their odds of living past their eighteenth birthdays. It's not exactly a dream team, but it's good enough. Their plan is to land by the shelter, open it up for whatever resources they can find in there. If everything that happened was real and Clarke's experience with Bellamy wasn't some fucked up dream, then they'll find people in there, alive or dead, around two hundred, if everything went right. They'll move south, to the green they can see on the coast of California, and tell the Ark that it's safe, that they can make it here. There are no reactors nearby, and the land should be fertile.

"What if they didn't make it?" Clarke asks.

"Then they didn't make it," says Raven. "We'll still be on the ground, right? It's got to be better than being stuck up here."

"I thought you liked space."

"I like spacewalks," she says. "As long as they've got cool stuff on Earth too, I'll be fine.

"What if he doesn't remember me?"

"Then you remind him how awesome you are."

Clarke grins. "I'm glad you're coming with me."

Raven slings her arm around Clarke's shoulders, gives her a quick squeeze. "I wouldn't miss it."

When she opens up the doors, it's like stepping back in time, the smell of the air so familiar, the way the sun feels on her face. She's been here before, she knows. It's not the same place she was when she was Bellamy, but it's the same planet. Home.

"This is it," she tells Raven, and Raven smiles.

"Yeah, we made it."

They don't take everyone to check on the shelter. She leaves Wells and Miller in charge, and she and Raven take a small group through the forest--the familiar forest--to the same bunker she remembers examining for two days.

And then, she has to open the door.

"Remember, there might not be anyone in there, but that doesn't mean they're not real," Raven says. "Maybe they already came out."

"Maybe. I told him to wait, to be careful. No second chances."

"If it's safe for us, it's safe for him."

"I know."

She knocks, which feels ridiculous at best and actively harmful at worst, like anyone in there will be absolutely terrified that something is outside trying to get in, so she doesn't wait for a response before starting to turn the wheel on the airlock door. Intellectually, she knows it's not any heavier than it was, just harder to turn because she's not as strong as Bellamy, but it feels like it takes so much longer. But she manages, and then it's opening up, a musty smell hitting her face, dark and dust and--

"Clarke," Bellamy breathes, and she sees him in full for the first time.

She's tried to draw him off and on, this boy whose face she only saw in choppy water or warped surfaces, whose features she couldn't get all at once. She knows him through a haze, but she recognizes him instantly, dark eyes and messy hair, scruffy chin.

"Bellamy," she says.

He pulls her in just as she wraps her arms around his neck. He's solid and warm, his scent familiar, every inch of him something she knows intimately.

"You sound different," he says. She can hear his smile.

"You're not as tall as I thought you were."

"How did you get here?"

"I told my mom we could come down. Once the radiation cleared up enough."

"And you came here?"

"I wanted to meet you."

His lips press against her hair, soft, and then he's pulling back, looking her up and down, grinning. "So, it's safe to come out?"

She slides her hand into his, squeezes once. There's some part of her brain aware of her people and his, watching in complete confusion, but she can't bring herself to care. It was all real and now here he is, her prize for believing in magic. This impossible boy.

"There's a whole world out here, yeah."

"I had no idea," he teases. "Let's see what we can do with it."