#apparently the folks that did the anime adaptation are going to be working on the guilty gear anime tie in

[doedipus]

chrono crusade is a weird show to me, because like, I do really like the core cast, and the setting is the sort of thing I find interesting, but I also really just have not picked up on a thematic throughline at all. it carries so many aesthetic signifiers and character archetypes that call to mind things I genuinely love, like FMA or the trails games, but like, it really feels like they're *just* aesthetic signifiers and character archetypes, yknow? like they're not being used with purpose to say anything in particular, it's just a collection of things the author also thinks are cool.

[shenzaibird-art]

A Discussion of Soulmagic

Verloren presented his research notes to his latest visitor as he described the process of pulling magic directly from a creature's soul instead of just the physical body, a concept that none had attempted before him. He had been explaining the exact same thing to several different people lately and more often than not he was met with disdain and skepticism. He was so tired of all these mages who seemingly couldn't embrace new ideas telling him that this was too complicated and irregular to be worth it. But he did not mind what they thought about his work and continued to discuss it with others when he had the chance, trying to find more folks who could have interesting ideas for his consideration. Verloren had heard about Hyden's impressive magic skills, and how he was particularly interested in darker magics. Would he be able to see the true potential of soulmagic?

Hyden belongs to @chocodile! Just borrowing him for a sec haha

Long stupid excessive ramblings below :'D

I was working on this for a long time. Kinda had it planned for a few years actually, before I even redesigned Verloren and got obsessed with him! They're both evil mages who caused chaotic historical events and then eventually faced The Consequences and lost their powers, so I felt like there was a lot of room for crossovers hehe. I started actually working on this in December and totally thought I'd finish in January but... oh well I guess that didn't happen xD

Unfortunately, all this time spent working on this pic has allowed me to come up with a fuckton of headcanon about it, and I could not rest without spilling all of it in an obnoxiously long wall of text.

So, if I were to steal Hyden and adapt him into my setting, I think he would be a Grand Augur of Necromagic from a kingdom neighbor to Houndsdagger. Augur is a word I stole because it looks cool, but in my setting it basically means a mage that works for the kingdom and does magic research. A Grand Augur is a higher rank than an augur, typically has earned the title through their experience, but also usually they're nobles or important people. They get a seat at the royal council of magic and stuff. So yeah I think that would fit him kinda. And necromagic because it allows for some of the most powerful crafts... and because it's typically the most potentially evil of the magics lol

This probably would take place when Verloren's work with soulmagic was starting to attract private clients looking for dark powerful magics, so Hyden might have heard the rumors about a mage in Houndsdagger who could make magic from souls (of animals but also of people obviously). At first, he might have thought it was nonsense like witchcraft (non-standard magic that a lot of people consider superstition) but maybe he might have grown a bit interested once he learned that this was apparently some extremely powerful form of magic. So on the next opportunity he had to visit Houndsdagger, Hyden decided to check it out and meet this Augur Verloren.

I think this interaction could go well, but it could also go really bad.

Verloren is known for being difficult to work with and straight up hostile at times. He's very quick to judge and will not work with you if he decides that he dislikes you for any reason, so the way that Hyden approaches him would matter a lot. Some things about Verloren that I think would influence Hyden's opinions of him:

- Verloren is just an augur, and augurs typically serve under Grand Augurs, so Hyden is technically above him, although he doesn't exactly have any authority over him since he's from a different kingdom. - Verloren is also not noble or anything like that, AND he's from Vykrest. The Vykrest are a bit more animal-like in some of their ways (like growling, biting, running on all fours at times), which makes people from outside think they're somewhat uncivilized or primitive. Doesn't help their image that they're typically wary of outsiders, with some of their cities restricted to their kind alone. - Verloren also usually appears kinda arrogant, like in a "I don't have time for you" sorta way, which pisses off a lot of people who think that he should bow down to them.

But I think if Hyden is interested in what he has to offer, he would be wise enough to treat him well no matter what he actually thinks of him. And unless the other person is being actually rude to him, Verloren enjoys talking about his work and showing what he's capable of even if he doesn't like them. (It's the part of working with/for someone he hates that he won't do.)

Verloren's work is very complex and his notes and diagrams might seem to make no sense, so Hyden might be skeptical at first, but he'd probably change his mind after some demonstrations of soulmagic's power. I think he would be especially interested when Verloren gets to the part about the Triangle Workyn of Ravenbone, a craft that could permanently increase one's magic ability.

So at this point, if the conversation was going well, they might try to make a deal. Verloren offered his soulmagic services for a cost, but he was very picky about what that cost would be. He was not interested in wealth and instead he would ask his potential client what they could offer that would be really worth his time. Hyden probably would have some interesting magic knowledge to share... or maybe he would offer Ambroys' blood. I have some thoughts about what this would mean in my setting but I guess I can spare you of those ramblings and leave for some other time since it's not directly related to this pic anyway.

Aside from that payment, there would be the materials required for the craft, and for the Triangle Workyn of Ravenbone that included three victims, with their souls bound to their skulls (the process that allows you to use a soul in magic), who should be made to kill each other in order. Verloren would provide the soul-bind spells but Hyden would have to find victims and handle the killings on his own (which I think he'd be pretty capable of doing.) So once Hyden had all the required materials, they'd meet again to do the Triangle Workyn of Ravenbone on him. If everything went right, congratulations! Hyden can now output a lot more magic at once, making all of his spells stronger. Also, his bones are black now (that's what the Ravenbone in the name is about), and possibly a bit stronger too.

Overall, I think they would get along ok, but not exactly amazingly. More of a "I guess I can deal with this guy" sort of thing despite obviously having some shared interests. They'd probably have pretty good conversations about magic, but that alone.

But what if their conversation actually didn't go so nice? If Verloren refused to work with Hyden, how would he react? How would he feel about this random lowly wild-dog of a person having some unbelievably powerful magic rivaling his own and not being able to get it for himself? During Verloren's time as an augur, he gathered several enemies who'd plot his demise and attempt to have him killed and steal his work, and I think maybe Hyden might have been one of those. Eventually, some of his most influential enemies end up convincing the king of Houndsdagger to have Verloren exiled, and maybe Hyden could have been involved. It turned out to be a terrible idea however.

Ahhhh there would be more, but I think it might already be enough and maybe I should shut up...

Sorry I guess I fanfic'd too hard about our evil mages coexisting :'D

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

How the “Disney Renaissance” narrative changed, the few pivotal movies that got left out…

It is often agreed that the famed Disney Renaissance began with the 1989 theatrical release of THE LITTLE MERMAID… A return to the kind of critical acclaim the studio’s animated features hadn’t enjoyed in a long while, especially on a consistent basis. And apparently, their first box office hit in a long while.

History shows a different picture… THE LITTLE MERMAID, in fact, was merely building upon an upward climb that not only Disney Feature Animation was seeing back then, but also other divisions of the enterprise’s film domain.

It’s not like Disney Animation was really struggling THAT much anyways, before Michael Eisner and Frank Wells and Jeffrey Katzenberg came into the picture with a returning Roy E. Disney. Things were far from great in the ‘70s and early ‘80s, yes, but the features made between the posthumous release of THE JUNGLE BOOK in 1967 and the misfire release of THE BLACK CAULDRON in 1985 did not lose money. ARISTOCATS, ROBIN HOOD, RESCUERS, FOX AND THE HOUND made beaucoup bucks in several European territories, for starters. THE RESCUERS even enjoyed rather enthusiastic critical reception on American soil, with one figure asking if a “renaissance” (!) for animation was underway… In the year 1977… 12 years before THE LITTLE MERMAID came out.

Really, it all begins in the summer of 1986 with the muted release of THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE.

This one entered full production after Eisner/Wells/Katzenberg assumed control, and it was Katzenberg who had significant changes and facelifts made to the project, other than its silly title change. Despite the production being a more enthusiastic one for its young animators, more so than the previous endeavors, Disney didn’t really go ham on its marketing outside of a few trailers (which were surprisingly lost until some really cool folks did lots and lots of digging in the recent years). In fact, its theatrical posters were the early mock-ups. They just… Went with those, and called it a day…

MOUSE DETECTIVE was no blockbuster by any means. $26m domestically only put it $5m above the previous summer’s BLACK CAULDRON, but because it hadn’t cost as much as CAULDRON nor was marketed much, it was considered a profitable success. Reviews were generally positive, too, the best for a Disney animated feature since THE RESCUERS nearly a decade earlier... It no doubt kept the thought of shuttering the animation studio at bay, and it no doubt created some enthusiasm within the walls of the studio.

Later that year, former Disney animator turned rival Don Bluth struck big with a picture that freakin' Steven Spielberg produced... AN AMERICAN TAIL. Released by Universal during the Thanksgiving frame, the feature does the unprecedented: It takes the box office crown that Disney had held for decades. A real upset! Reportedly, it got Katzenberg and all of them nervous. All of a sudden, there was a real push to invest in making animated films. By early 1987, Disney began to put more pictures into development. Only three was in the works by then: Modernized Dickens adaptation OLIVER AND THE DODGER, classic fairy tale THE LITTLE MERMAID, and a RESCUERS sequel. By the end of 1987 and into early 1988, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, ALADDIN, and a story about the African wildernesses were in some form of development.

Summer 1988 saw the release of the live-action/animation hybrid WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT, a revolutionary animation and VFX spectacle that involved Spielberg as producer, directed by BACK TO THE FUTURE director Robert Zemeckis, and had most of its animation provided by the esteemed Richard Williams house across the Atlantic.

Critical darling, huge box office smash, animation and classic American cartoons are cool again to the general public...

OLIVER & COMPANY came next in the fall of 1988. A full-fledged marketing effort, and Disney had the guts to release it next to Bluth's THE LAND BEFORE TIME, which Spielberg back as producer, **and** freakin' George Lucas as well...

It was a big hit. $53m domestically, and - according to Disney at the time of its release - over $100m at the worldwide box office, taking the crown back from Bluth in addition to beating his newest endeavor. Things were looking up...

Then THE LITTLE MERMAID released in Thanksgiving 1989, rest is history... They saw a small bump in the box office road with THE RESCUERS DOWN UNDER in late 1990, but rebounded BIG TIME with BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, ALADDIN, and THE LION KING, one after the other...

So yeah... ROGER RABBIT aside, because it wasn't a Walt Disney Feature Animation production (Spielberg especially felt the studio's crew weren't really cut out to make the animation of a high level that he was looking for), the two pictures before MERMAID are typically left out of the Disney Renaissance narrative.

MOUSE DETECTIVE was a much lower-budget endeavor, seen as a B-picture of sorts. It didn't make a huge amount at the box office, it had merely only made its money back and got good reviews. So some do not count it because of that. But on the other hand, it was the directorial debut of Ron Clements and John Musker, the reviews were very solid, it showcased the then-young animators having the kind of fun they didn't enjoy on FOX AND THE HOUND, MICKEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL, and BLACK CAULDRON... For some, it is the seeds of the Renaissance. The launchpad for the rocket.

OLIVER & COMPANY is even more baffling when you consider it took the highest-grossing animated movie crown back from Bluth, and was the first animated film to make over $100m worldwide on its initial release. However, the reviews were more mixed for that one, and it's considered an incredibly outdated film. Which it is, I won't lie. It's certainly stuck in the late 1980s, for sure, and many consider its storytelling to be average at best. They feel the story is definitely buried in the hip attitude and pop star voice cast.

But its success was absolutely important to what lie ahead.

Disney *used* to credit it as such...

Look at the BEAUTY AND THE BEAST sneak peek from the May 1991 VHS release of THE JUNGLE BOOK...

OLIVER is a prominent part of the narrative. RESCUERS DOWN UNDER, which was only a few months old by the time they put together that sneak peek, is not alluded to whatsoever. The narrative is OLIVER, then MERMAID, now BEAST. An example of the studio's upward climb... No DOWN UNDER, despite its technological innovations that allowed for BEAUTY AND THE BEAST to even be made the way it was...

DOWN UNDER got a more mixed critical reception and also underperformed, but that was largely because Disney had lost faith in the film long before it was released. After a not-so-great re-release of the original RESCUERS in spring 1989, it was largely just seen as a vehicle for the further development of the C.A.P.S. process of digitally inking and painting animated movies. A full-length test feature/gap filler, if you will. Then it came out, wasn't warmly-received, and it didn't do great. Disney immediately excluded it from their new upward climb narrative.

(Though, I guess as compensation, a trailer for THE RESCUERS DOWN UNDER comes on after this JUNGLE BOOK tape's BATB sneak peek. It's a short trailer for its home video release, though it looks to be a snippet of a commercial or theatrical trailer.)

Flash-forward... ALADDIN is coming out...

Its marketing emphasized MERMAID and BEAST as the stepping stones to that film...

No OLIVER, and certainly no DOWN UNDER...

The fall 1992 release of ALADDIN was where it was cemented, that THE LITTLE MERMAID started it all...

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #203

I did a lot of scattered things today.

First, though, there was therapy. And on the way to there, I managed to snag a few really nice pictures of a tree for ya:

I talked a lot about you today, especially as related to how your story will influence how people in my world see and interact with abuse survivors. Thankfully, my therapist understands the implications and why I feel so strongly about what happens to you; it's going to affect actual human lives in my world. If you are slaughtered like a rabid animal, I have to wonder how many people who relate to you will fall into hopelessness and despair, thinking like they can't change their circumstances.

My world absolutely does not like people like us. They would say that we are better off never having been born. They would say that our lives are tainted and have no value. I live in a world where people say, "hey, you should totally ask for help from the people around you if you need it!" but in the same breath, they'll call you inconsiderate for "trauma dumping" if you do. They say, "you should totally open up! just be yourself, it's fine!", but then their sanctimonious platitudes quickly dry up when they realize that we don't have happy answers to the standard social questions, and all of a sudden, you're either "oversharing" or "evasive". There's no winning for folks like us in social situations, typically.

…Apparently, the only solution for it is radical acceptance of the loneliness and isolation, because people have their own traumas in response to the unreasonable expectations that society as a whole places upon us, and it doesn't look like any of that is gonna change anytime soon, because, again, as mentioned in my last letter to you, people in my world, for whatever reason, dislike talking about solvable problems. It makes them uncomfortable, so the brainstorming required to build a better world never gets done, and so more people get hurt, and so on and so forth.

It's a vicious cycle. And I'm not smart enough to know how to break it on a mass scale. And even if I was smart enough to know, my voice doesn't belong to a body or a set of life circumstances that are considered valuable, so it's not as though anyone would listen to anything that comes out of my mouth or out of my fingertips anyway.

…What can ya do, ya know? So I just weave my stupid little trees. Make my stupid little music boxes. Make my stupid little acapellas. Doodle my stupid little pictures. Cook my stupid little noms. Write my stupid little letters. Help as many folks as I can in the meantime with my stupid little bits of advice. Pretend like everything's not on fire, just like everyfuckingbody else, because doing otherwise is apparently "rude" and "cringe" or whatever else.

So that's what I did today. I worked on planning a stupid little music box to sing to. Why not.

There's a fancy one called a Muro Box. It's got some 40 notes, and it is a mechanical music box that sounds beautiful. But instead of using music box paper, it uses midi files to strike the tines. My music box paper has only 30 notes, and using the paper comes with technical limitations as to how quickly notes can play; this one has no such limitations, it seems. So I decided to play with it, using midi files I already made. There's a phone app you can use and it makes the music box play. Here's how it goes:

If you like, I can set my midi file to play on it; I have the app on my phone, so it won't take but a minute - just lemme know. It's the midi file that I made of "In the Earthen Womb" from Illusion of Gaia, which I then adapted to play on a 30-note box; as it turns out, it doesn't need to be adapted on a 40-note box, and so this one sounds a little better. I want one of these, but it's not in production for real yet. But you can bet your bottom that I'm gonna get it once it comes out. Making music boxes will be so much easier as a result.

In the meantime, I'll be content with my 30-note one. I've mostly finished planning the basic structure of a new tune. I'm hoping to tweak the results for accuracy in the coming days. And then, rather than punch out music box paper, I might simply arrange pre-recorded notes from my music box, with the help of Audacity, to get around the technical limitations of using paper. We'll see how it goes.

Oh right. On the way home from therapy, I ended up needing to stop at the bakery. I was marked as absent, which is strange, given the fact that I was taken off the schedule for Tuesdays, going forward. The manager of my department was absent - he is on vacation. So instead I had to go to the manager of the whole store to get it corrected. And it did indeed get corrected, and that was very good.

I decided, for my trouble, that the thing to do is get hotdogs. LOTS of them. For science:

I wanted to see which one was best. So I got all of them, and I put cheese, onions, ketchup, and mustard on them:

I decided that the best one was the knockwurst. But the White Eagle hotdogs were probably a very close second. I liked the bratwurst least, I think. And this was all I ate today, because I probably ate too much in one sitting, and my guts still feel kinda weird from it, even though this took place like 9 hours ago. Oh well.

I wonder if you've ever done stuff like this. Like, comparing similar food items to see which one you like best. Or accidentally eating too much in one sitting and feeling weird for the rest of the day as a result. I wonder what some of the more ordinary memories you carry are like.

Well. I'm gonna finish up today's letter, methinks. It's getting late, and I gotta wake up early-ish tomorrow. So I had better shower and get to bed.

Please stay safe out there, okay? So that someday you can find your way to a nice shower and a comfy bed, too. I love you. And I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay-adjacent Visuals: The Headless Horseman

As IF I, a certfied Geoff Castellucci Stan, wasn't going to talk about any of his solo cover videos! I'm not gonna talk about all of them (though I can be tempted into doing more if there are ones I skipped that you want me to talk about!), maybe only like 45% of them or so, including all four of his Halloween uploads - the first of which is what we're starting off with!

Geoff's cover of The Headless Horseman was uploaded on the 11th of October, 2020, and is actually only Geoff's third song cover uploaded on his channel (after Bare Necessities and Blackbird). The song is from the 1949 Disney film The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad, which is actually two stories in one: the first being about Mr Toad (an animated adaptation of The Wind In The Willows), and the second being about Ichabod (an animated adaptation of The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow, a story which Geoff actually did a full narration of on his channel back in October last year), and the latter is of course the section that this song stems from. But enough background info for the time being; let's get into this!

Neat set design, very spooky! Apparently this was filmed at Geoff's parents' house, and this is what he had to say about it in the description: "I filmed this at my folks house... IS ANYONE ELSE TERRIFIED THAT THEY JUST HAD ALL THIS STUFF LYING AROUND?! I mean... i thought I knew those people. My life is a lie..." 😂😂

(Well I guess having a love for Halloween and spooky stuff is apparently a genetic trait for the Castelluccis! 😁)

*deep evil laughter*

(Geoff does evil/creepy laughter in a fair few videos across the two channels - he seems awfully comfortable doing it! 😝)

Also cool ghostly fade-in effect for "Lead Singer Geoff" here!

Geoff had fun with the visual effects for this one, as I shall further display in this post!

There are only 3 frames of motion blur between the two frames here, but it absolutely works. Just enough to make it look deliberate and as if he/his character actually moved from point A to point B super quickly.

"and some with fangs, about this size!"

(You would know a thing or two about long fangs, wouldn't ya, Geoff? 😉)

Won't post a screencap because I can't get a good one, but the little moment with floating pumpkin face thing is pretty neat (on the line "when he goes a joggin, 'cross the land, holding his noggin in his hand, demons take one look and groan, and hit the road for parts unknown")

"well that was unexpected"

(Frankly, a little bit of a mild reaction to three disembodied heads suddenly singing backup for you, but I guess it can't be much weirder than having them there in the first place! 😆)

(Also the Disembodied Geoff Heads having their hair be tied/pulled back made a lot more sense after I watched Golden Hour (which I say a little bit about in the post for that video as well).

Geoff assured people in the description that "no Geoff's had their hair cut for this performance" 😄

(Oh and I know I'm not meant to talk about vocals, but I feel like I'd be doing the video a disservice if I didn't mention the clever detail of how the Geoff Heads only sing in "head voice" for the song!)

Now this was a really cool/creative visual effect. No clue what it's called or how to describe it really, but it further makes him seem like a ghost/phantom/spirit in this video

Pfft, what're you reading there, Geoff? 😂

(Also I just spotted the necklace!)

Is it just me or does Geoff have a thing for making his eyes look different in videos, whether with contacts or post-production effects? 😄

(Quite frankly if there's any video that proves that Geoff's not actually human, it's this one /j 😝)

"You cannot reason, with aaaaaa h e e e a a d d l e e s s s s

m a a a a n n n n"

Amazing, fantastic, always such a fun cover to listen to, we stan forever!

In the movie, the song is sung by the character of Brom Bones, who is voiced by Bing Crosby (who also serves as the narrator for both stories in the movie), but the soundtrack/album version of the song was sung by a dude by the name of Thurl Ravenscroft, whom you might know as the original voice of Tony the Tiger (the Frosted Flakes mascot), as well as the original singer of the song "You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch". Thurl was a fairly notable bass singer back in the day and is one of Geoff's idols/inspirations, and honestly, I think Geoff did the guy proud. In fact I would even say that Geoff is the modern-day equivalent of Thurl Ravenscroft! And I just can't get enough <3

[prince-of-elsinore]

@lynne-monstr tagged me to do a fic author interview! Thank you Lynne 💖 Look how far we've come since those early fandom days! (But they were good days, weren't they? ☺️)

The questions are almost identical to this tag game I did a little while ago, so I won't redo the whole thing. Some answers have changed in the interim though:

How many works do you have on AO3?

I'm up to 34 now! (Two new ones in the past two months)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

635,481

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think my most recent fic, Five Times Dean Forgot and One Time He Remembered, deserves a mention here because of how utterly romantic it is, haha. It's a bit of a departure for me!

And there's one new question on the list: What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Honestly, I'm not sure there is one. I have some favorite ships that I haven't written for, but my relationship with the canon (and existing fanworks) is such that I don't feel the need to. However--the question does say "written" without specifying "fanfic," and in that case... there are a number of works that I dream of someday making my own tv/film adaptation of! I've even written extensive character, plot, and structure notes, because that's what I enjoy doing haha. They are:

-Sherlock Holmes - because no one's ever made a perfect adaptation, and a perfect adaptation must take the proper liberties. I'm not interested in adapting the stories themselves (which Watson wrote in-universe), but the story behind those stories, that Watson didn't publish. Also I want Holmes and Watson to kiss.

-Lupin III - apparently Tarantino wanted to do a Lupin film? But he hasn't so I've gotta pick up the slack. Campy slick gender-and-sexuality-bending gentleman thief and his weird gang is what the world needs.

-Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood - I know most live action anime adaptations have failed, but it's not impossible! I'm fascinated by how this story could be translated to live action, and certain aspects shored up and themes fleshed out. It is such a good epic that I feel deserves the big screen!

I tagged a bunch of folks last time, but if anyone wants to do the 20 questions game and slap on the extra question, go ahead and say I tagged you!

[medea10]

My Review of Princess Sara

And now I return for more World Masterpiece Theater.

Today’s classic is something I’m somewhat familiar with. The series is loosely based on the novel titled, “A Little Princess” by Frances Hodgson Burnett. There were several adaptations for film and television throughout the past several decades including a Shirley Temple film in the late 1930’s, an Americanized version in the 90s, and about a bajillion Filipino adaptations. The one I’m most familiar with was the one that came out in 1995. I remember this film very well as it was played a lot in my youth and as an adult, I would come across it from time to time on HBO or some other station playing it. It was fine and all, but I knew that this film took artistic liberties and changed around a lot from the novel.

After watching several of these World Masterpiece Theater animes, I’ve come to realize that these series are pretty damn accurate when it comes to capturing the original source material. I mean yes, Les Mis took a lot of liberties to remove several characters from being killed off, but it was still top tier best version. All of these animes have to take a few liberties as they are all G-Rated. But they’re still very good nevertheless. I was curious about this particular story for the longest time and thought it was high-time I sit down and watch the anime version.

Sara Crewe and her father arrive in London from India. Back home, Sara was treated a lot like a princess and she acted like one. Not the bad kind, the Princess Diana kind, she’s a sweetheart. Sara is about to be admitted to a boarding school, Miss Minchin’s all-girl’s boarding school that is! Once at school, Sara was beloved by most of the students and praised by teachers due to her academic skills. On top of which, her father is loaded! Yeah, her father is in the diamond business back in India and so he has enough money to keep her daughter happy.

Unfortunately, when Sara’s father dies news also comes that the family is bankrupt leaving Sara without a penny to her name. Surely Miss Minchin will care for the poor orphan girl, right? Ha, I already know this story. Miss Minchin strips Sara of her education, clothes, and housing. Even though she tossed around the idea of casting the orphaned girl to the streets, Miss Minchin takes pity on the girl. Sara will live in a cold attic and work as a scullery maid. Sara is to do as she’s told by her higher-ups, never talk with the other students, and must work until she pays off her debts to Miss Minchin.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As I’ve mentioned in the past, only a few of the World Masterpiece Theater animes were dubbed into English. And this was one of them…sorta! Our good friends at Animax did one. And if you’re unfamiliar, this is the company from Southeast Asia that dubs anime into English. And if that still doesn’t ring a bell, look up the Cardcaptor Sakura dub and you’ve got your answer. As usual, this anime has made its way across the globe to many different countries and territories. Apparently, it was a big hit in the Philippines. So much so that there’s a plethora of memes surrounding this one series! As for the cast, it’s a mixture of veteran voice actors that are still voicing today, lesser-known voices, and one-timers. And as this is a part of the World Masterpiece Theater collection, some voice actors here were heard in other works throughout the years like Naoko Watanabe and Eiko Yamada. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Sara is played by Sumi Shimamoto (known for Okita’s sister on Gintama, Kanata on Lucky Star, Ishizu on YGO, and Flora on Berserk 2016)

*Becky is played by Teiyuu Ichiryuusai (known for Masao on Crayon Shin-chan)

*Miss Minchin is played by Taeko Nakanishi

DISLIKED CHARACTERS: Oh-ho-ho, I knew going in that I was going to hate two specific characters! Those two are Lavinia and Miss Minchin. Though when I watched the movie, it was more of a hatred for Miss Minchin overall and Lavinia was a passing thought. Has this anime changed my thoughts on these two?

Right from the starting gate, they are both detestable and will continue to be that.

Lavinia is a snot-nosed brat who gets jealous every time Sara gets attention from the teachers. But the greatest injustice done to Lavinia was that Miss Minchin took Lavinia’s role of class rep and gave it to Sara. So the bitch was butt-hurt. But when Sara’s father died and she loses her wealth, Lavinia showed absolutely no sadness. In fact, she was the only person in the room smiling. What a bitch! And when Sara became a scullery maid for the seminary, Lavinia made sure to screw around with Sara by any means necessary. She gets a kick from making the poor girl suffer or get yelled at. Seriously, every time you see this snot-nosed brat glare at Sara I’m screaming, “JUST LEAVE THE POOR GIRL ALONE!”

Thank God there was a second of peace. Lavinia’s father learned that Sara was once a student but is now a scullery maid and Lavinia being so insistent that Sara become her personal maid. He slapped the freckles off that bitch’s face. Give that father a cash prize and a trophy! Mind you I said one second of peace. The next episode she was right back giving Sara (and Becky) a hard time. Lavinia does so much to Sara that I can’t believe Sara managed to remain civil throughout the entire ordeal.

And as for Miss Minchin, she’s had it out for Sara from minute one. But because her father was wealthy, she decided to use Sara to show off to high society people. And the brewing point for Miss Minchin to vow vengeance against Sara was because Sara hid the fact that she was fluent in French. The audacity of this bitch! But again, because of Sara’s father, she sucked up. Miss Minchin’s true colors came out in front of Sara when it’s learned of her father’s death and failed diamond business. No pity on the girl who just lost everything. She was ready to throw her out on the street, but was begged by others to keep her as a maid.

Miss Minchin would be terrible to Sara. She physically abused her, starved her, forced her to live in unlivable conditions, and had the other workers (Molly and James) work her like a slave. One of the worst moments was when Sara got severely ill. Never mind pushing Sara to the point of illness, this woman had to think for a moment to get a credible doctor to look at her. She got the cheapest, drunkest doctor they could find who misdiagnosed her. Miss Minchin even thought about sending Sara to a sanitorium if this persists. Bitch, I can’t even with you! At least in this version, Miss Minchin never sent the police on Sara. Of the three versions to this story I’ve watched, I think this Miss Minchin was the cruelest. Only because we do witness her slapping Sara several times!

SHIPPING: I know I shouldn’t be shipping anyone with anybody. Most of the people in this story are young. VERY YOUNG! As for the adults, there were no romantic interests for anyone here. It’s plainly clear that Miss Minchin is going to die a spinster. None of the teachers had secret relationships with some guy like in the Shirley Temple version. And Miss Amelia didn’t run off with the milk man like in the 1995 version! None of that went down in this adaptation.

With that said…

Peter x Sara is cute! I would support the hell out of this even though it probably isn’t canon.

ACCURATE OR NOT: So let’s see if Princess Sara really stacks up to the novel “A Little Princess”.

*Oh-ho-ho, time to nail my childhood to a wall. As you know, I’m well familiar with the 1995 rendition of A Little Princess. If you’re like me and know this film from start to finish, get ready to have the balloon pop. Becky’s not black. The story takes place in London, not New York City. The story really takes place in the late 1800s, not World War I times. Ralph Crewe didn’t leave his daughter to fight in a war. And finally the most important fact, Ralph Crewe remains dead. Most of the things I mentioned here were used correctly in this adaptation.

*There are some new characters added to the series. And quite frankly, I’m not entirely sure who these people are. Except for the animals! With the exception of Ram Dass’s monkey, I don’t think Miss Minchin’s cat Cesar nor the family of rats exist.

*Most things in this anime are pretty accurate to the original source. But there’s a good chance that most of the episodes were either fabricated or stretched out to fit the running time. You know, fillers! Call me crazy, but I don’t think the book had chapters involving a Halloween party. Same goes for that episode where Amelia opens up to Sara about her past with her sister.

*It is unknown how long this experience for Sara lasts anime-wise. In the book, Sara’s time at Miss Minchin’s seminary was approximately 2 years. The way I see it, I don’t think Sara was a scullery maid for more than a year in the anime. If she were, we would have probably gotten an episode of Sara celebrating her first birthday without her father.

ENDING: Around episode 30, the home next to Miss Minchin’s seminary was sold to a gentleman from India named Mr. Carrisford. He was able to survive a gnarly bout with Jungle Fever, although now he’s confined to a wheel chair. But Mr. Carrisford has an overwhelming sense of guilt due to how things went down in India. See, he convinced his long-time friend to go into business with him involving a diamond mine. But the friend died from his Jungle Fever, leaving behind a daughter and a whole legal battle involving bankruptcy.

In case you’re not keeping up, Mr. Carrisford’s friend is Ralph Crewe, Sara’s father. Sara is just several feet from the gentleman who can save her from the living hell of Miss Minchin’s seminary.

But Medea, we’ve got over 15 episodes left!

Correct, dipshit! Mr. Carrisford doesn’t remember a lot, probably due to the Jungle Fever. He doesn’t remember Ralph’s daughter’s name. And he forgot where Sara was sent for her education. In fact, he was way off. Mr. Carrisford had his friend travel by boat to France in search for this girl. So I’m sitting here episode-after-episode screaming at the screen, “SHE’S RIGHT THERE, YOU IDIOT”. But because of Sara’s friendship with Ram Dass (Carrisford’s caretaker), he saw to it to repay Sara for her kindness. Ram Dass would spend days and nights going to the attic to give Sara warm blankets, clothes, and food. Sara thought it was a magic spell or a guardian angel looking out for her. It wasn’t long before Miss Minchin saw these special items in the attic and threw Sara out to sleep in a horse stable.

Things only get worse from here when one night the stable catches on fire and Sara almost burned to death. And then she gets blamed by Miss Minchin for starting the fire! This is the one and only time I’ve ever seen Sara stand up to Miss Minchin as she was not at fault. I know it’d be asking too much to have Sara tell Miss Minchin to fuck off, but this was big for Sara to stand up for herself. In actuality, Lottie accidentally dropped a candle when she was scared by (you guessed it) Lavinia and her friends. But no, Miss Minchin jumped to every wrong conclusion and threw Sara out of the seminary. Fortunately, Sara was taken in by Peter and his family and she was even able to get a job like many of the other children in the area.

Sara’s going to be a little match girl!

This anime hurts to watch. This anime hurts a lot.

Thankfully Sara’s stint as a little match girl was short-lived as Miss Amelia came looking for her and brought her back to the seminary. The only reason behind that is because there was a big care package addressed to Sara. Miss Minchin made it very clear that she still despises Sara. But Minchin flips her light-switch when she sees the care package contained beautiful clothing and such. Because she thought Sara was being watched by a wealthy and anonymous family member, she allows Sara to live in the attic and attend classes instead of doing chores with Becky. She goes back to kissing her ass. Again, the audacity of this bitch!

Moving back to Mr. Carrisford’s dilemma! He sent his solicitor to France in search of Ralph Crewe’s daughter. He returned with no such luck of a daughter. Then, they decide to hone their search to right here in England because this is where Ralph was from. Thankfully, fate intervened before they start another grand search as Sara came by the home to return Ram Dass’s monkey. Here it is, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Sara meeting Mr. Carrisford! He learns Sara knows some Hindu and grew up in India. He put 2+2 together and realized the girl from next door he’s been secretly helping was really Ralph Crewe’s daughter all along!

When Miss Minchin went next door to retrieve Sara, she was in for the shock of her life. Carrisford is going to adopt Sara. The diamond mine that was rumored to be a bust, was really fortuitous. Sara’s debts are wiped away. Not only is she inheritor to her father’s share, but she will also obtain Carrisford’s share when he passes (he has no heir of his own). And to top it off, he knows about the abuse of Sara so Sara is going to live next door instead of a creaky attic. You know, it’s not nice to kick people while their down. But fuck that, this bitch has needed a royal-ass beat down since episode one. Time for Miss Minchin’s sister to have her say!

MISS AMELIA: Throughout these 40-odd episodes, she is seen as the submissive sister, doing whatever Miss Minchin says. Amelia just stands there looking concerned every, single, fucking episode and does fucking nothing! She sees Sara suffering in silence with a smile on her face and says nothing to her sister. She even goes a step beyond that by begging Sara to forgive her sister several episodes prior to this very moment. We do get some light shed on Miss Minchin and Amelia’s past about how Miss Minchin worked odd jobs to take care of Amelia due to lack of parents. Not sure if this is really true or not, so I’m leaving it off my accuracy list. When Miss Minchin returns to the seminary and tells her sister what went down with Mr. Carrisford, Miss Amelia let her sister have it.

It was a long-time coming and I can understand a person like Amelia letting loose. Some people hold it in for so long until they’re filled to the top and explode. I’m one of those people, so again, I can relate in a way. Amelia spent this whole time contemplating whether to speak up about Sara’s abuse by her own sister or to shut up and do what her sister says. Hearing about Mr. Carrisford taking Sara snapped Amelia and she had a total breakdown. And all I can say is, “Bravo”! Amelia was absolutely right and I’m glad Miss Minchin heard it. It was all her fault. And if the seminary closes because people hear about Sara’s abuse, it’ll be all her fault.

BACK TO THE CONCLUSION: Fortunately for Miss Minchin, Sara is kind and forgiving. She had Mr. Carrisford give a sizable donation to Miss Minchin’s seminary. Miss Minchin was a notorious penny-pincher, so this should settle her. Sara gets quite the happy ending as she gets to live with Mr. Carrisford and still go to school. She has Becky become her personal maid. All of Sara’s belongings that were taken away when Ralph died are returned to her on Christmas. A little starving girl she helped early in the series has a happy ending as well. And we end with Sara and her new family go back to India. It’s for 4 months to settle things on the Crewe estate, but she’ll be back.

At least when she comes back, Lavinia won’t be there. Good riddance! At least they come to some sort of truce.

No matter what version of A Little Princess you watch, it’s always going to be a tough watch. Because of the size of this series, it can sometimes be too hard to watch. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good story where a character takes on adversity and struggles. But there comes a time when struggle just becomes borderline torture-porn. You know those stories where the hero has to go through so much pain and agony and eventually get some sort of satisfied conclusion. The anime The Rising of the Shield Hero and the movie Precious comes to mind. Thank God Sara never had to endure what Precious did. Still bad though! At least with the movie adaptations to Princess Sara, we only watch Sara’s struggles for like, what, an hour or maybe less. This is over 30 episodes of watching this girl get abused. That’s 23 minutes per episode, mind you! Not just from Miss Minchin, but the cooks and one smarmy brat who has a vendetta. All the while, you’re telling yourself, “Dude, you know this story and it’s going to get better”. But it’s not an easy watch! There are scenes where you just wish they’d leave Sara alone or just wish for things to get better.

Is this my favorite adaptations of A Little Princess? Hmm…I don’t know! I really liked this version of the story, but I still have an attachment to the 1995 film. Granted, the animation is always a bit of a drawback when it comes to these animes. But I have to cut some slack as this was mid-1980s here. If you were a fan of this story, whether you saw the 1995 film, the Shirley Temple film, or any of the other adaptations out there, I give a recommendation. Track this down and give it a watch.

Okay Randomizer-kun, I’m giving you another shot. Please don’t give me an obscure hentai to watch in place of this.

Oh thank God, another Nippon animation!

[teratron]

Thoughts on Villains for the Wonder Woman Game

Pretty excited for the Wonder Woman game from Monolith, not really a gamer but definitely will check this out when it comes out. Standards for Wonder Woman in the video game medium are at rock bottom in the wake of NetherRealm's Super Simp nonsense from their Injustice games. Hoping the game does well-enough to wash away the stank of that Batfanboy franchise left on Diana.

As someone whose a big fan Wonder Woman's oft-overlooked and disrespected rogues gallery, part of the excitement for me is hoping to see which of Wonder Woman rogues gallery might show up. So thought I just offer some (meaningless) speculation of who might make decent characters and bosses to show up.

That is assuming they just do go for mindless monsters from Greek mythology or make the Amazons evil, lol.

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Ares

Ares competes with Cheetah and Circe for the titleholder of "Wonder Woman's arch-enemy" and for that reason, and being a god obviously, I could see him being the big bad of the game. However I also think's possible they'll bypass him to avoid comparisons with the God of War franchise and to do something different from the Wonder Woman movie from 2017.

Maybe save him for a sequel.

Hopefully if they do go with him, they don't make the same mistake as every other adaptation of DC's Ares and give him a visible face under the helmet, if they go for a Perez-like design. George Perez got it right in the 80s, all you need is the two eyes.

Blue Snowman

Pretty-straightforward ice-themed villain here, probably wouldn't be too hard to make an entertaining boss battle of them.

Has recently been made nonbinary in comics so do wonder if they'd include that detail. I do hope if Snowman does show up, they go for a sympathetic route, would probably draw to many comparisons to Mr. Freeze.

Cheetah

Probably the safest bet of Wonder Woman's rogues who will show up. Would like if they went the route of some of the recent comics and introduced her first as Barbara Minerva an ally who then becomes Cheetah later on. Similar to Doc Ock from the recent Spider-Man game.

Could even include a level where she's playable as her own character in an Indiana Jones like level given Barbara was first introduced as an evil take on the Indiana Jones archetype back in the 80s.

Don't think they'd make her the bid bad of the game but would be pleasantly surprised if they did. If done well, could finally be the big break Cheetah's needed in non-comics media.

Children/Servants of Ares

Every evil deity needs some lousy children and scheming servants and fortunately Ares has plenty of these who originate in both mythology and the comics.

If Ares is the big bad of the game, then I think it's a fair bet some of these folks will show. At least the ones who are actual characters from Greek mythology like Eris/Strife and his two sons, Deimos and Phobos. Eris probably more so given she recently showed up in the (ugh) Harley Quinn show and the admittedly striking design.

Personally, I'm pulling for the Duke of Decepticon. Got to love the title and I'm down for any scheming Starscream-like underling.

Circe

The one I'm personally rooting for. Circe lags behind Cheetah and Ares in popping up outside comics in DC adaptations, her most notable one so far probably being a pretty bad episode from the DCAU Justice League show.

If they hold off on Ares, I think she'd make a perfect antagonist for the game given she's strong in ways Diana's not (magic projection from a distance, using minions) but also not a god so they're not peaking at their first game if it's successful to warrant a sequel.

Her powers of turning people into animals are obvious ways to generate mooks for Diana to fight. From what I've been told, this could actually work well with the Nemesis system the game will be using apparently.

Dr. Psycho

A villain whose recently had a resurgence in popularity thanks to the (ugh) Harley Quinn show.

Psycho's one of those characters who can veer between dark comedy and being played completely straight so I can see him being included. Could easily see them play up the "rapist" undertones of the character to amp up his creep factor.

Next to Giganta, I feel he's probably one of the more easily translatable characters into a video game.

Giganta

Probably one of the more recognizable Wonder Woman villains, or DC villains in general, even if most don't immediately know she's originates in Wonder Woman comics. Like with Psycho above, probably one of the more easily translatable characters to a video game. No shortage of giant-sized bosses in video games that players have to take down and Giganta in the comics, for the most part, is never more than a skyscraper sized punching bag.

Imagine an opening boss fight with her could be fun and get pretty inventive with the lasso if they decide to forgo Wonder Woman being able to fly.

Medusa

Probably also one of the safer bets to appear, whether as a proper character or just a mook for Diana to fight (like the Gordans in the GoW games). Could see the game do something similar to Wonder Woman: Bloodlines where they keep her hidden as the final boss and do a homage to the famous fight from Greg Rucka's run.

Would be interesting to see if they go for the more traditional depiction of Medusa as just a straightforward monster from early Greek myths or go for the more sympathetic take on the character. WW media usually goes for the former but the latter could provide some interesting story potential.

Silver Swan

Chances are if Silver Swan gets used in the game it will likely be the Vanessa Kapatelis version (one on the right in the image above). In addition to being the most recent one, she's seems to be one who pops up most in media or merchandise. The body-horror mechanical version of the traditional suit definitely would lend itself better to the modern video game aesthetic.

Could do something similar to what I proposed for Cheetah above (which is also what they did in Wonder Woman Bloodlines with Vanessa), where they introduce her as Vanessa first before making her the Swan to include the tragic nature of the character. Don't see them doing that for two characters in the same game, so if she's included at all, I imagine she might just be a straightforward villain with her backstory only brought up in dialogue and implication.

Like with Giganta above, if they decide to forgo Diana being able to fly (likely due to game mechanics) than would definitely make a fun boss battle.

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Apparently there's a picture limit, so I'll end here but will do a follow-up post later with some other villains I could see, or would like to see show up in the game.

[vore-scientist]

Return of the Dragon King pt 1: Prison Break

[A non-sexual high fantasy GT/vore story with both hard/fatal+ other fantasy violence and safe/soft]

This story is a prose adaptation of an RP between @vixen525 and I. It takes place in one of her worlds and features mostly her characters.

Summary/Pitch: Separated from Sophia by the evil (and illegitimate) Prince Nero, Yonah must rescue his princess from Nero's devious clutches. With a collection of quirky fantasy characters as allies, Yonah aims to bring an end to Nero's reign and return the rightful heir to the throne.

But before that, he must escape from one of Nero’s prisons.

Story General Warnings: Return of the Dragon King overall will contain hard/fatal vore (in an intense fantasy violence style) along with soft/safe (the good stuff). Themes of abuse and torture as well. (There may be one instance of soft fatal that if I ever get that far I’ll warn for that specifically but it’s so far off from this it may never get written down)

Chapter Specific Warnings: This chapter contains all the story general warnings. This is NOT the chapter with soft/fatal. It’s hard only. It very much treads the line between hard vore and just standard fantasy violence. This part contains a very brief mention of attempted (and failed) sexual assault.

Onto the story:

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For the 20th night in a row Yonah was replaying the moment in his mind, and like the 19 times before, this time was slightly worse than before.

It started with merriment, feasting, dancing, joking. Then transitioned to screaming, to blood, to Sophia being dragged away and him unable to stop it. And finally ended with waking up here, on a hard stone floor, in a room with no windows, with cold metal around his ankles and a chain attached to a back corner. With a terrible pounding in his head and an indescribable weight upon his core.

While he wondered why it had happened. Why this diplomatic mission to another world had been under false pretenses, however it wasn’t really worth dwelling on. He wasn't going to get answers here. All that he knew was he had failed. He had failed to protect Sophia. His charge. His friend. His princess. She was taken and he had let it happen!

After his 5th day in the prison cell he had given up trying to escape. Whatever that pressure was, pushing on his core, it stopped his magic. He had woken up without his robe, staff, and hat. For a normal wizard that would be a problem, but Yonah HaEsh was half FireWitch in addition to half giant. He had his own natural magic! Surely he could melt the cuffs and bars.

Nope. He could see the air shimmer with heat around his hands. He was generating magic, but it seemed to be… negated as soon as he tried to release it. All it succeeded in doing was make him tired. And hungry.

He was so hungry. The prison guards were giving him just enough food and water to stay alive for reasons that were beyond him. So he spent most of his time laying on the floor. Conserving his energy. For what purpose? For what event? None at all. He just hoped. And cried. Or at least tried to. His tears had long since dried up.

The screech of the prison bars sliding open grated upon his ears and he drew a harsh breath but did not give the guards the satisfaction of interacting with him. He had tried to rush at them a few times, just to have a little fun. But the chains weren’t long enough to let him reach the bars. All his antics got him was humiliation.

“Oy! Halfbreed Thing, you’re in luck,” came the voice of a nameless guard, “the warden decided to give you a treat tonight!”

Yonah didn’t respond. It was clearly sarcasm.

“He also said if you don’t eat up, you get nothing for a week!” And the door was closed again.

He still did not look. He had decided he wasn’t going to even touch what they had assumedly given him. It was probably poisoned, or drugged. Or both. He drew another breath.

That smell.

He finally looked. His heart racing. They wouldn’t… would they?

Standing with her back against the bars was a young woman with straight black hair, wearing a similar tattered outfit as himself. She must have been cold, and scared, but she was not shaking. Instead she stared right into his eyes. The fear in them was evident.

Now that his ears were no longer ringing he could hear her breathing. She was trying to calm down.

Apparently she succeeded. As she talked first.

"So... I guess they put you in here because you use magic too?" her voice was weak, and her accent thick upon his ears but he understood her well enough.

Yonah did not respond right away. Carefully he sat up, leaning against the back wall where his chains were connected, rattling them as they piled up.

“Well they certainly didn’t throw you in here so you could be my pet.” he snorted steam with his words, happy he could still do that much, and pleased him to see her concern at this display. So perhaps he could have some fun, even as her scent started to permeate his cell, leading his thoughts in another direction.

“No…” she answered, not moving any closer. “I doubt they’ve been feeding you well. I suspect they threw me in here in hope that you’d eat me.”

Yeah no shit. Had she heard the guard? Or was she too scared to listen. He had listened, even if he pretended otherwise.

“Being tossed a person to eat. How barbaric. Do they think I am some sort of feral animal?” His voice was hoarse with dehydration, and conflict. For he was considering eating her. Yonah HaEsh, despite being half giant, was not above eating smallfolk, if necessary. And she certainly smelled…delectable.

She shook her head “Many giants wouldn't hesitate if hungry enough… They may be normally polite to smaller folk but when half starved? All bets are off”

Yonah nodded, “I suppose so… Though I am only half giant.” He couldn't do more than suppose, as he did not know anything about giants of this world, though he remembered seeing one at Prince Nero’s castle. A little less than twice as tall as his own mother, and his mother was over 40ft tall! What he did know was that giants in his world would be tempted just like him, and while they were also normally polite… ish… their own survival was more important than the life of someone they did not know.

So why was he holding back? Well for one thing, she was out of reach. For another… He did not like the idea of being fed a person, it was insulting. The idea was nearly offensive enough to scare his hunger away. Nearly.

“Why you?” he hissed. Trying to chase away the remaining offensive thoughts. The mental images of grabbing her, sinking his fangs into her soft tasty flesh, and using his jaws and hands to rip her apart. The thoughts of how delicious it would be to finally satiate his hunger properly for the first time in weeks.

It took her a long minute to answer “I… keep escaping. I got out the door this time, nearly made it to the outer wall.”

“Ohhhh, curious” he breathed out, glad his ‘treat’ turned out to be interesting enough to distract his thoughts with. “You do not look like an escape artist. Or are you of hidden talents?”

She shook her head “The magic they use to… nullify the magic of others… doesn’t work on me. And my own magic doesnt like that im captive and kept… helping me escape”

Ohhhhh fascinating. He did not say out loud this time. “Sounds like you are a handful. Though perhaps you are rather, a mouthful. Or two in my case.” he smiled with all his fangs.

She swallowed nervously “Y-yes”

“Why don’t they just kill you? Are you important?”

She shook her head again “They are waiting for the execution order. That’s… why I’m here.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She took a breath. “If another prisoner kills me… they don’t lose their capital funding for executing a prisoner without the proper paperwork…”

“That’s where I come in” and he snarled “I don’t like being used as a tool. And I don't really want to eat you”

She nodded “That’s… good”

“But I am hungry.”

“Oh…”

“Why are you in this prison?”

She looked away. “I… killed someone. With magic.”

More fascinating by the second. “Why, would you do that.”

It was an obvious struggle for her to answer “It wasn’t… it wasn’t intentional. He pinned me up against a wall and started tearing off my clothes. My magic just... reacted. The next thing I knew he was dead”

Yonah snorted again “Should have been intentional!”

“I haven't had any formal training! My magic just happens!”

“Shame” he sighed. “Do you know why I am here?” he asked, changing the subject.

“You’re… a mage. A rogue one. Like I am.”

That was new to him, “A rogue mage?”

“Practicing magic is highly regulated, don’t you know?”

“No.” Yonah saw that made her very confused “I am not of this world”

She seemed to accept this easily. This world seemed to be more comfortable with the idea of other worlds than his own, which had only started to make contact with new realities. He had also decided she didnt need to know his story yet. For he had not made up his mind on keeping her alive, or eating her. If he ate her, then it would have been a waste of breath to tell his own tale of woe.

He tugged on his chains to pile them up and keep them from getting tangled. And for the next few minutes he occupied himself with this task.

“They stop-”

Yonah looked at her so fast his neck cricked. She started again.

“They stopped using shackles on me because the chains kept breaking. Perhaps I could” she took a single step forward, and seeing that Yonah did not react, took another. “I’m sure you would appreciate more freedom of movement.” She took another step.

“Well not all of us are so damn talented now are we?!” he growled. She took two steps back.

“Im trying to help you! Maybe I can figure out how to get it to work on you too!”

“A self proclaimed untrained mage!” he spat “and why would you help a monster like me?”

For as much as he wanted to be civil, he was also a monster. And as much as he tried to fight the temptation to be monstrous, he did not know if he could succeed.

“It wasn’t being a monster that got you in trouble! It was magic.”

She sounded very sure of that.

Yonah snorted “That is your own assumption”, and turned around to lay his head on the chains, facing the corner.

After a few minutes he heard her soft footsteps, and he craned his neck to look. She had gotten a lot closer than he expected and was reaching for his chains. She was clearly in the mood to help him. Unfortunately he was in a mood to play with his would be treat instead, and he did not have any confidence that she could help, so why not have fun.

“Are you sure that’s wise little morsel?” he sighed with a fanged smile.

Amazingly she did not back up but touched chains by his ankles.

“No. But sooner or later they will get the execution order signed. So my odds of survival are shit. But they are better if I free you.”

Yonah made his eyes glow with what fire he had left “Are they better? You said you were untrained.”

She looked embarrassed, “I’m hoping I can practice on these chains of yours. My magic does disable the nullification. We can work together to get out.”

“Untested magic is dangerous” yonah growled “Maybe I should just eat you!” he snapped his teeth.

Still she did not leave. Instead she stood up and glared at him “So what? I die and you survive another week until the next council meeting and your execution is approved?”

Yonah narrowed his eyes “Maybe I dont care about that anymore.” but he does not move either. “You dont know why im truly here. Maybe I deserve this!”

His fiery eyes still on hers, she retaliated “I dont care if you do! I need to get free, and I cant on my own. You want to be free to dont you? If I can use my magic, I can break these chains, disable the anti-magic on this room, save us both!”

Yonah rolled his eyes, losing their staring contest. He did not stop her from continuing her investigations of the chains. But his mind wandered, until he exclaimed.

“Maybe you’re a plant! Instead of using me to kill you, you’re here to kill me!” he jerked the chains away from her.

“I’m unarmed!” she insisted and scrambled forwards to maintain contact with the metal.

“You said they cannot chain you, that their anti-magic shit doesnt work on you, so yours does work, and it’s killed someone before!” He knew that this new panic was not helping him in the slightest, and yet he did not care.

“Most of my magic isn’t working! I just somehow break chains and disable the magic nullification! I don’t know how it works or how to activate it! But the fact I can means they want me dead so they stop having to catch me! And magic isn’t allowed and I definitely don’t have the indicator that I have special permission, those are super obvious.”

Yonah blinked “Could be lies! You could be spitting lies! Permission to use magic. How ridiculous”

“Everyone knows that the few legal mages have face tattoos to make them obvious”

Yonah breathed steam again and finally she backed away from the painful heat. “I dont! I don’t know anything about this world! You could say anything and I wouldn’t know if it was truth or lies!”

“Oh… right” she looked at her feet “You aren't from this world. That must suck as much as my own problems with my memory…”

She rambled a little more about how she was definitely a prisoner, it was obvious from her malnutrition, and that despite not being able to be kept in chains she had marks on her wrists and ankles from the failed attempts.

But Yonah was not listening anymore. Once again he turned away and was trying to cry himself to sleep.

So she took the opportunity to touch the chains near his ankles again.

“Careful now!” he hissed without looking at her. “You don’t want to get burned” Hearing her yelp as she touched the chains, which he had put his mind to pumping his fire into. Maybe he couldn’t melt them, but he could make them painful to touch.

He heard her curse, and then the chains rustled again as she grit her teeth and grasped the half giant sized links, whining in pain and holding back tears. 3 seconds were all she could manage before she had to stumble back, sitting on the ground and blowing on her burnt hands.

Yonah sat up and looked at the chains. He did not let his face show any surprise as he found rust and cracks that had not been there before.

“Wow. It didnt work. Big fucking surprise, some help you were, but I guess you were telling the truth about being being put here for me to eat.” he lay back down. “Maybe I’ll do that in the morning.”

Suddenly the pain in her hands was not as important as what the half giant had said.

“It started to work! But I couldnt hold on long enough!” she wailed, “I tried! I really tried, to help you’re sorry ass!”

“And you FAILED” he snorted back.

“Only temporarily!” she insisted

“And look where it got me. Nowhere. I’m going to sleep”

“If the chains were just a little cooler! Then maybe-”

“I told you to be careful. You have only yourself to blame for your failures and your injuries” he stated, fully aware it was his fault. And that he was sabotaging himself. And yet he couldn't stop himself.

“I was trying to help you. You don’t have to be so rude. We are stuck in the same situation and I am trying to make a difference.”

“I dont have to be polite either. Now you’re the one being rude, keeping me awake”

She crossed her arms in defiance of her own fear “You’re kind of an asshole. I thought maybe we could work together to escape but apparently you’d rather stay and be executed.” She stood up, glancing at her hands, “Guess I’ll just try to figure out how to disable the nullification and escape without you if you really are that opposed to working together.” She turned and walked back to the cell bars before sitting down again.

Yonah looked away, no longer amused by her company, for he was too tired, and too hungry, too angry. Mostly at himself for heating up the chains.

Of course, he couldn't sleep, even though he wanted to do so. After about 10 minutes he glanced at the human, who was making hand motions at the bars. He could just barely feel the sparks of magic failing to become embers at her will.

That got boring really quickly, and he noticed that, unlike earlier, she was shivering. Not with fear…

“You’re wasting your time, little one”

She gasped and jumped from her sitting position, nearly toppling over. He was not asleep like she had assumed. And now he was staring at her with those glowing eyes again, full of fire and hunger.

“I am not giving up” she yawned and shook even worse, “I have no desire to be executed, not by the prince, and not by you!”

Yonah’s eyes dimmed with compassion, “You can try again in the morning. You keep this up and you’re going to freeze to death”

To his surprise she snarled at him, “What do you care!? You obviously arent worried about execution, and I dont have much else to do at the moment!”

Yonah rolled his eyes “Do you want a warm place to sleep or not? I’m only offering once. Can’t imagine you’ve had a warm bed in a while”

“I- what?” she paused, processing what he said, “Warmth… sounds wonderful… But you talked about eating me in the morning!” so she did not step near him.

“I said maybe. So you don't have to worry about it until then” He considers for a moment “I’m still making up my mind. I dont want to be used as an execution method, but I am starving. However” he yawned, his fangs looking larger than before, “I promise not to eat you tonight, and I am very warm if you want to sleep in my arms.”

“This room is absolutely freezing…” she admitted, “But I dont like the idea of you waking up before me to have a snack!”

She still looked hesitant so he added “Tiddles won’t be able to bring anything with you still visibly uneaten”

Now her fear was replaced almost entirely with confusion “Tiddles?”

“One of the little guards who did this to us. Sneaks me food most nights. If he comes tonight, I promise that I will let you try again, in the morning, to break the chains, before I resume considering whether or not to eat you. How does that sound?”

“How… likely is this Tiddles to show up?”

“He appears most nights, but not the last, and he never skips more than one night in a row.”

“How about you promise to let me try again, regardless of if Tiddles shows up!” she was not about to take such a chance.

Yonah scrunched up his face “Fine.”

“Alright, that’s much better.” she took a step towards him again “It means you have to let me go, and you wont think about eating me until after I get to genuinely try to free us”

“If you’re not tucked out of sight soon, I dont get fed, and I’ll have have a much harder time not thinking about it” he threatened “Tiddles can’t claim he thought I ate you if you’re standing alive at the front of the cage!”

A few more steps, she was almost within reach… “Fine… I guess… I just want to try a couple more times, it will be quick”

His patience waring thin he made his eyes flash “but I want to sleep, and to get fed”

“It will only take a moment!” she stopped just out of reach.

“Tiddles often manages to get me an entire barrel of crap! I’ll be willing to share” his mind now on the food, he couldnt think of much else.

“Im starting to figure it out though”

Why was she so insistent! This was not the time! “You’re tired, and cold, and hungry. You try any more magic and you’ll just pass out.”

He had gotten to his knees but he deflated a bit, lowering down into a position not unlike a crouching dragon “So I offer one more time than I said I would. A warm place to sleep. A proper meal. Or you refuse, and I get angrier, I get hungrier, and you stay cold and my only option for dinner”

She hesitated and finally sighs, “You are probably right... I just got so close to escaping today... I was gonna use a wind spell to blast open all the doors when one of them tackled me...” She took the step forward that got her within reach, and Yonah slowly reached around her, stopping her rambles. “But maybe after a rest I’ll have better success”

Having held back long enough, yonah scooped her up and returned to his corner to curl around his new teddy bear, thin and cold as it was. In contrast, his own embrace is soft, pillow-like even. And warm. So very very warm. She tensed in his grip for only a moment before calming down and closing her eyes with a deep sigh.

“By the way, I didnt introduce myself. My name is Savina”

Not resisting the urge, Yonah nuzzled her with his face, his normally neatly trimed facial hair overgrown and tangled and in need of a wash. He was drinking in her scent, even if he was resisting getting a taste, “I didn’t introduce myself either. Now shut up or I’ll put your head in my mouth to shut you up. I hear Tiddles”

As he was facing the back wall, it appeared as if he was alone in his cell, as the footsteps got closer, along with scraping noise and soon, a jingling of keys. Unlike earlier, the screech of the door opening was not so bad, knowing what it meant.

“You awake big guy? Damn this thing is so heavy… I managed to get a lot of scraps so it’s not mostly water this time! Probably tastes just as bad as all the rest, worse since I couldn’t sneak any salt in... but better than nothing right?”

The only response Tiddles got was a slight movement of Yonah’s head. His bushy mane of unkempt black hair shifting. Then two orange lights appeared. The giant's eyes locked on him with anticipation and hatred.

The guard, Tiddles, who couldn't have been older than 20, dragged a barrel within reach of Yonah, though the prisoner did not make any move.

“The others were laughing earlier about how you got a decent meal tonight… but I dont see any plate. Not surprised it was a lie. Im sorry again that this is not seasoned. But…” He left and returned before Yonah could investigate the food. Holding a large sack, the smell coming from which made yonah take a very intense breath.

“I did bring these… They were going to be used to torture other prisoners. Tested them on me. Just one bite and I thought my tongue would burn up in my own mouth, I drank so much water I thought I would throw up. But maybe it’s not as intense for giants!”

Through his dehydration Yonah started to drool, the spicy smell of the hot peppers filling his half FireWitch brain.

The display of hunger caused Tiddles to freeze up a moment “Um… I’ll take that as a yes to these. Great Goddess they make my eyes water!” he set the sack down and went to the other back corner where an empty barrel was on it’s side.

“I’ll take this one, yes?” Tiddles didn’t wait for an answer but said “you’re… not as talkative tonight. Usually you threaten-joke about eating me along with the slop. You alright?”

As soon as Tiddles had moved away from the full Barrel and sack of peppers, Yonah Sat up and scooted over with one hand. Revealing the reason he was not talking. Savina was tucked into his elbow, having fallen asleep.

Tiddles seemed briefly transfixed by the woman. If yonah had to describe the expression the closest would be reverence. Before cringing away.

“That’s what they meant by a good meal!?” He shook off his surprise “what a load of dragon crap. You’re not some feral animal”

Yonah didnt respond to this continued attempt to bond with him as he dragged the barrel back to his corner and stuck his finger in, building up his fire to warm up the cold scraps and water. Tiddles made no more small talk and left him to his pitiful “meal”.

Once the contents of the barrel started to steam, Yonah nudged Savina awake. She was not happy about that.

“I was actually sleeping well, what the fuck”

Yonah set her on his lap, the barrel in front of them both. “If you dont eat some of this now, I’ll eat all of it. You wont get a single drop, but if you eat now, you wont make a dent in it noticeable to me”

She nodded, understanding, and put her hands into the barrel. Yelping in pain as the hot slop made contact with her burnt hands.

Grumbling about how she was an idiot, yonah rummaged around in his chain pile for a flat piece of metal. It was a band from a previous barrel that he had broken. That was the only time he had gotten an earful from Tiddles about how if he continued to do that, Tiddles wouldnt be able to sneak him more food. He was able, with some effort, to heat it, pinch it, and bite it into a sort of ladle, which he used to scoop up the scrap soup and hold it to Savina who was very grateful.

Even with his encouragement she ate very little. Yonah had no idea how long she’d been here, but it was likely longer than himself, and it was very probable that her stomach had shrunken, so he eventually gave into his own hunger and stopped trying to get her to eat more and let her slump against his middle and fall back to sleep.

But before he ate any of it he took the peppers out of the sack and crushed them into the prison soup. It took all his self control not to just eat the peppers straight up. So he rewarded himself by licking the juice from his fingers.

He would have downed the contents of the barrel like a shot but resisted as it would have wasted all his patience preparing it for better taste. And even if it was literal scraps in unsalted water, hunger was the best seasoning. And the peppers, made this the best thing he’d tasted in the time since he woke up in this cell.

It made it much easier to not think about eating the woman in his lap as he too lay down to fall asleep.

---

He woke first, and during the hours of the night his stomach had become rather empty again. Though he kept his promise and resisted thinking about eating her. He did not, however, resist tasting her; he never made a promise involving tasting.

“NO!” she yelped and sputtered as he licked her face like a very large dog waking up it’s owner, clearly convinced he was going to eat her, panicking.

He stopped licking her, But he was not listening to her protests. The moment she yelled the world felt lighter. He felt… no, no time to dwell. He tossed Savina aside and focused on generating a lot of fire into his ankle cuffs. It wasnt enough to melt them, but it was enough to make them soft. Soft enough that he could pull and stretch them and get free.

And then the feeling was gone. Back to that soul crushing feeling that had been ever present, as if it was never gone.

“What did you DO?” he snarled as he rubbed his freed ankles, which were red and raw from the previously tight metal cuffs.

Savina got up, looking frazzled with one side of her hair sticking up and out at odd angles due to half-giant spit. “What I was trying to do last night! Hey!”

Yonah crawled to her and picked her up, putting his face close to hers to demand, rather loudly “Do it AGAIN”

Defiantly she took his gaze and his rank breath “I wish I could! Like I said before, and like you just saw, I can’t do this on purpose! It just happens!”

In a rage his eyes flash and he bares his teeth “Fucking useless!”. His urge to throw her against the wall lost out to his being touch starved and instead he sat back down to hold her just a little too tight.

He did not fail to notice that a small hint of the relief of pressure occurred when she gasped at his moment of rage.

“So. Did that count as your morning try? Should I start considering whether or not to eat you again?”

She stiffened in his grasp “that wasn’t intentional! But doesn’t it prove what I was saying, that I am too useful to consider eating, that with practice I can succeed?”

“I already got my legs free. I can reach the bars now. Reckon i can try smashing them… and if I eat you i may have the strength to do it” he huffed. With a small amount of food and a night’s sleep, what he had was the energy to be a massive dickhead again. “So you would be helping me.”

“Those bars are heavily reinforced with the prison magic! They’ve kept giants bigger than you in this prison!”

“I’d still like to try, so you’re lucky I want company more than a proper meal right now,” he chuckled against her. She was so skinny she wouldn't even be a proper meal, maybe half of one.

“Please let me try again later to disable the nullification. Then we can both get out and get decent food” she sounded both desperate and angry.

“I know exactly what I’m eating if I get out” his eyes flashed again and he licked his lips.

Savina shuddered but did not sound disgusted when she said “i think i have an idea of what… or who… that might be”

“So, are you going to try again or what?” Yonah was getting impatient.

“Will you be ready to break down the bars when the magic reinforcement is gone?” she asked.

Yonah backed up against the wall, bracing himself so he could charge. If she succeeded.

Savina went to the front of the cell, grasped the bars and closed her eyes, muttering. Occasionally she let go and made hand gestures.

Nothing.

Maybe she needed encouragement. Yonah growled at her. Low and threatening. Savina stiffened and he felt the pressure lift, very slightly, very briefly.

“Get on with it!” he hissed.

“I’m trying!” she shot back, walking to the center of the cell, it didnt seem to matter where she was.

Then she screamed, her whole body hitting the ground as suddenly Yonah was on top of her, having pinned her under a hand. He snarled in her face “Maybe I should just eat you then! At least my last meal will be a tasty one!”

This succeeded in having the desired effect. Whatever the nullification was, it lifted. However he could feel it coming back.

“NO! I’m trying, give me one more chance, I know I can do it!”

He was not listening to her. He had confirmed his theory. Without hesitation he took her left arm in his jaws. She started crying and screaming, Pushing at his face to pull away. “Stop Stop! You’re hurting me!” Her voice was shrill.

/That’s the idea/ he thought.

With a sickening CRUNCH and a shriek, it was Yonah’s turn to be thrown, against the wall.

Not that he cared. Not one bit.

The magical nullification was gone.

From the entire prison. With no signs of coming back.

Keeping his promise not to eat her, and extending that promise to any part of her, Yonah crawled over to Savina and opened his jaws to release the nearly severed arm, along with at least a gallon of bloody drool. Savina just sobbed. Hmmm she could bleed out. That would also be counter to his promise, in spirit, if not in word. He rubbed a thumb and finger together until they were red hot and pressed the tip of the finger to her shoulder.

The scent of burning flesh filled the air as he cauterized her wound. But there were more important things to take care of now.

Fueled by adrenaline, hunger, and literal fire in his veins, yonah gripped his prison bars, making them red hot. In a few moments he wrenched them apart and he was out. He barely noticed the flash of light behind him as he stepped out of his cage.

The alarms hadn't even started ringing by the time he ran into the first unfortunate guard.

----

It was the alarm bells that brought Savina back to earth. She sat up, and blanched as a sticky arm rolled off her chest and into her lap. She was still covered in blood but the wound had sealed. For all her lost memory she did recall something very important. She should keep her arm. Holding it kept her from trying to touch her shoulder. She had never experienced anything so painful in her life-

No… wait. She had experienced something more painful… Now her head throbbed too! Nevermind any of this! She had to find the half giant mage, he was her ticket out. Even with the magic nullification gone, she wouldn’t get far drained of her own magic and severely injured.

It wasn’t hard to find him. All she had to do was follow the trail of carnage and busted cell doors.

The first guard she found had no head, and a chunk of a shoulder missing. Blood pooled on the ground from the massive bite. Hmmmm. He had a nice sword. Putting her arm down momentarily, She took the sword and a belt to sheath it. It was a bit tricky to get the belt off the person and onto herself but she managed. Before she took her arm off the ground and continued on, not caring to avoid stepping in the blood. .

More dead guards lined the halls as she progressed. Most of them were missing their heads, some of them burned to a crisp. But many were only missing their limbs, or had a bite taken out of the side. Some of those were still living. One in particular had been bitten from the hips down, their guts spilling out onto the floor. She decided not to use her sword to put them out of their misery. Her excuse being that it would be too much effort to put her arm down every time.

Finally she caught up to the large mage. He was in one of the storage rooms where the more dangerous items confiscated from mages were kept. He was ransacking it, shoveling items into something, but finished as she entered and stood up, putting a hat on his head. If he wasn’t so large and didn’t have such a distinct physique, she might not have recognized him.

Dressed in a stunning outfit of mostly blues and golds, with a massive wide brimmed pointed hat to match, his hair now shining and tied back in a segmented pony tail, standing up to his full height and holding a majestic wooden staff, the once brutish creature from the cell was looking more like a person. Except for the fire in his eyes and blood and viscera hanging from his jaws.

With misplaced confidence she walked right up to Yonah and holding the shoulder end of the severed arm she swung to smack him in the ankle. He had on boots now and she wasnt sure he felt that until he looked down at her.

“You FUCKING ASSHOLE!” She bellowed “You TORE my arm off! Why would you do that?!”

He looked at her angry and quizzically “The anti-magic field is gone. It worked.”

She did not back away from his gaze, since he was not currently trying to eat her she figured he wasn’t going to. Clearly he had not hesitated with the guards. She waved the arm around in frustration "you didnt have to BITE IT OFF"

Yonah crouched down to snarl “Clearly I did. You weren’t in enough… danger to disable the field. I’m rather clever you know.” Without asking he scooped her up to hold her up to his face with a cheeky, blood stained grin, “After you told the story of your assault, I started to put the pieces together. Mortal peril seems to do the trick nicely”

“I still dont think you needed TO BITE MY ARM OFF,” she repeated.

Once again she used the severed arm to slap him, now in the face.

He blinked in a kind of shock and then bared his teeth “I think you’ve lost your arm privileges”

His first instinct was to get the wrist between his teeth and gulp the arm down. But… he still felt like he should keep his promise. And now that his belly was half filled with chunks of prison guard he could think clearer.

“WHAT THE FUCK YOU BASTARD!”

Savina shrieked as the giant man pinched her arm, the severed arm, plucking it from her weak grasp. His eyes flashed and it was lit up like a match.

Lost for words she watched as her arm burned into ash before her very eyes, the giant man grinning once again.

Now she was shaking with rage “I COULD HAVE RE-ATTACHED THAT”

His grin became a scowl “How in this reality was I supposed to know that?”

“Weren't you listening, you didnt even need to bite it off in the first place! My magic was starting to work!”

He talked as he placed her onto his shoulder, securing her to the harness he had found with his belongings.

“Didn’t I? We dont know that. Guess we will have to experiment later” he smiled wickedly, marching out of the room “But right now, I’m still hungry and there’s still more guards left alive.”

As he said this a guard rushed around the corner with a crossbow and fired. Yonah, having heard the footsteps just jerked his staff and the bolt exploded. He snatched up the guard, put the poor fucker’s head in his mouth and bit down, while pulling the body away. The sound was similar to when he’d bitten her arm, and blood spurted from the neck onto his face, and Savina’s entire person.

Yonah swallowed the head and tossed the body aside “I can’t eat them all at my size even if I only eat pieces. I can burn them, or crush them” he explained as yet another guard appeared which he simply squashed by slamming his staff down upon, “but I think we need some help. The human prisoners do not seem so eager to get back at their tormentors as I had thought.”

“They are running away from you. If you weren’t on a massacre they would probably be taking the advantage to riot and get revenge.”

“So we need more monsters.”

As he continued through the prison he broke every occupied cell, letting the prisoners run, and killing every guard with an intense savagery. But the most horrific thing, in Savina’s opinion, was when he picked up whole and alive guards and tossed them into his hat.

Eventually he broke into a cell and the prisoner inside did not immediately cower or run, but stood up, eyes reflecting in the darkness. A tall pale man with dark hair smiled with sharp fangs.

“That’s a vampire!” Savina informed him. The vampire bowed.

“A very blood starved vampire, and I could smell the flood coming from the other side of the prison, yet I was too weak to break myself free once I felt the magic nullification just, go away. Was that you?” he stared at Savina, not Yonah.

Savina gingerly touched the raw, burned flesh of her shoulder and looked very annoyed, “Yes. it was me.”

“I’m going to feast now, as I see you have been doing, mysteriously small giant”

“Don’t fill up on the ones I’ve killed, take out the ones still alive” Yonah instructed.

“Wise words,” said the vampire, “though I will take a little of this one, just to gain back my strength.”

Before leaving yonah sniffed at the vampire. Then reached up into his hat and pulled out a fancy, though sadly wrinkled and dirtied, suit. And tossed it at the vampire.

“Smells like you”

The vampire stood up from taking a drink of blood from the guard who Yonah had decided to merely kick against a wall.

“My clothes! You are a gentleman monster!” And with a snap of his fingers swapped out his prison outfit for his old one. “I feel more like myself already!”

Done with the small talk, Yonah moved on. It was time to get out of this place, with hopefully minimal distractions. He would still make a snack, a charred corpse, or a bloody pulp out of any guard he came across.

But it was only a few cells later that again, the prisoner did not immediately scream or flee. Yonah could sense a very eerie magical aura from her, she was pale like the vampire but he suspected she was not one. She smiled at him like the vampire but her teeth were flat.

“My dear emancipator, did you come across a spider necklace during your rampage? I would very much like to have it back.”

That was odd enough that Yonah decided not to ignore it and instead reach into his hat. He did not recall a spider necklace so he could only think the words. An object indeed fell into his hand. Which he tossed to the woman who squealed like a giddy teenager as she caught it.

Putting it on she rubbed the shining black thorax of the obsidian spider inlaid on the silver medallion.

That eerie aura from before increased 100 fold, followed by the chittering, skittering, buzzing of millions of tiny legs and wings. Unlike Yonah’s cell, this woman’s had a window. And through it marched or flew an unimaginable number of insects and arachnids.

Yonah took a step back. But the plaque of bugs was swarming into the prison from every window, every crevice, every crack in the wall, every broken pipe.

“My children will clean out this place” she giggled, though it was closer to a witch’s cackle.

Yonah backed away from her. Deciding that it was now time to leave this wretched place, confident the bugs could take care of the rest. It was by her merciful magic that the bugs avoided him entirely, and seemed to be able to scramble away from his footsteps even as he started down the corridor.

Ah, another guard, coming out of a nearby door, a good distraction from the creepy crawlies. He rushed and shoved the guard up to their torso into his mouth and got ready to bite down. As the ribs started to crack between his teeth the taste of this guard matched up to a familiar smell.

Releasing his jaws he held a gasping, screaming Tiddles.

“If you dont want that one, my babies will happily take him!” The bug witch called from behind him.

Ignoring the creepy aura yonah wheeled around snarling “He’s MINE” and he secured the flailing young man to his shoulder.

“Suit yourself” said the witch, “but he seems to not like you very much, and I am not overly fond of him myself”

Tiddles was indeed trying to free himself, earning him a swift flick to the head. “Probably hurts with those broken ribs to struggle like that, little one. I will keep you safe.”

Without another word Yonah turned back. Enough of this. He pointed his staff at the wall and blasted a hole through, stepping outside. Still in the walled compound he did not take a fresh breath of freedom just yet. He ran for the walls.

Arrows and crossbow bolts rained down at him. Fine. It was time for some big magic. Yonah stopped and took his staff, raising it into the air he found in it the perfect spell. He swirled it around and chanted. The morning sky, which was clear, crackled, and a swirling storm cloud gathered overhead.

The guards on the ramparts screamed as bolts of lightning struck them, leaving Yonah free to take down a section of wall and flee into the forested mountains.

It was after he had been half running half jogging for 15 minutes that he stopped and sat down against a cool boulder shaded by the trees. Or rather he nearly collapsed. One big gorey feast after weeks of starvation would not immediately restore him. That would take time. He had been running on the reserves of his magic, adrenaline, and a bloodlust.

The moment he closed his eyes to rest however, he felt Tiddles renew his struggling.

“Why do you keep this up” Yonah mumbled, not looking at Tiddles, but feeling him freeze.

“I dont want to die!” the young man squeaked. “I saw you eat the other guards!”

“Well then aren’t you in luck that I filled up on them? I had enough to be satisfied for a while.”

That did not calm Tiddles down any more, the struggling was back “You kept me as leftovers!” he shrieked.

“Naw” Yonah said and reached into his hat to draw out an intact, but dead, guard, “I already did that.”

He felt Tiddles faint at that declaration. This did not bring Yonah any joy, as Tiddles’ terror had done before. Being so full Yonah just returned the corpse to the pocket space that was his wizard hat.

“So, where to now?” Savina said after five minutes “We need to get going, surely someone will try to follow! There is more than one shift of guards and they will be looking for all the escaped prisoners, especially you, who was responsible!”

“I think the bug witch will make sure no one does” yonah said, though it was more likely that at least one idiot would manage to slip away. “But I am tired, We need to find a cave or something to hide out in to recoup my… I mean our strength”

“I can help with that”

As if on cue the bug witch stepped out from behind a tree. Yonah eyed her suspiciously. Savina was too hurt and too exhausted to do the same.

“Oh really? And why would you?”

She just laughed “You saved me? And you returned my amulet to me! I owe you big time. By the way, you look just awful. Would you like my children to clean you up?”

“What do you mean?”

Before she answered there was more buzzing in the air as wasps swarmed around her “these little gals are very efficient! I promise they will not sting”

“They cannot hurt my humans either!” he said, nervous about what was about to happen.

“Of course”

He still held his breath as the wasped charged at him and his companions. Savina screamed as well before she smartly held her breath too. Tiddles was the luckiest, unconscious for the whole thing.

It was over in just a minute, thank the gods, as Yonah would have to take a breath. Still, he sneezed and a few bugs flew out. Savina was breathing heavily.

“So, bug witch,”

“Cait!”

“Cait… What’s a nearby place for a big monster to get some rest?”

The woman considered “Hmm… The woods that way are decent. Bears will be scared off by you. Humans should leave you alone. There’s a cave in those woods if you want extra shelter. I want to get back to my home but I can have one of my babies guide you there”

“That would be much appreciated” Yonah focused and gathered up more strength to stand up. And then froze in place as the largest drider he had ever seen came into sight.

“Babe!” he called, ignoring yonah and scooping up the witch into a hug that transitioned into messy kisses.

“I got out of the prison!” she declared, “this nice big fellow helped me! Got my amulet!”

The Drider was a full head taller than Yonah and eyed him over with all 8 eyes before nodding. From between all of his feet a smaller, but large dog sized tarantula, scampered up to Yonah.

“Charlie here will lead you to shelter!” said Cait, “Now I haven't been home in a long time”

And with that, the witch and the drider left.

Charlie made a hissing sound while scraping her feet on a rock to get Yonah’s attention. She led Yonah to a large rocky incline and eventually to the mouth of a cave.It was large enough that if he crawled, he could get in. Which he did without hesitating.

The cave was larger in the inside and he probably could have stood up but he stayed sitting.

The spider stayed at the entrance of the cave, made a little dance, and then disappeared.

“Seems safe enough…” Yonah said. He unharnessed Savina so she could sit in his lap. “Guess what, I was lucid enough during my rampage that I picked up food that wasn’t dead guards!” and from his hat he got out some bread and cheese, and even a barrel of water.

“Um… no thanks” she said.

“You must eat, Savina”

“Im too nauseated from the pain.”

She did look a little green now that she said it.

“I have a healing potion… it should numb the pain a bit.” This he took from a sleeve. A small vial. Just a single ounce. It was like a grain of rice in his palm “It will even help with your shoulder, to at least regrow the flesh around it and stop infection”

She took it, and still looking like putting anything in her mouth would make her vomit, she downed it like a shot.

30 seconds later she felt much better. Or at least, felt less pain… She still felt like complete shit. But took the food with her good arm and started eating.

“I dont know why you brought him along…” she said, referring to Tiddles through a mouthful of bread.

“I doubt someone as kind as him works at an evil prison if he has a happy home to return to. Plus if i had let him go.. The other prisoners might not have been so kind to him. He was still a guard.” Yonah yawned, “Fuck. Im tired. Didnt we just wake up like, an hour ago?” he asked.

“Sure but you just broke a prison” Savina pointed out.

“I did… didn’t I…” Yonah tried to lay down but found that didn’t work with Tiddles on his shoulder. So he resigned himself to sleeping upright for now.

Still half starved, Savina did not manage to eat much. So yonah put the food back. He found a outcrop of rock that he could lean against and put an arm protectively in front of Savina. She put her own remaining arm over his. And they both fell asleep at the same time.

Even through the exhaustion of his over half a month in prison, and the torpor his kind got from a full belly, Yonah HaEsh heard the quiet footsteps of someone entering the cave.

Yet his brain was still slow to react. He opened his eyes and stared down.

Kneeling in his lap, holding Savina’s arm to his fanged mouth, moments away from biting down, was the vampire.

----

[FIN]

UHHHH thanks for reading. If you liked this please let me know. If this fits your blog theme please reblog it!

I hope you enjoyed this. and I hope to have more of it for you in the future. lots more adventure to come!

[mechanicalinertia]

STMPD Recommends Bubblegum Crisis Fanfiction - Resources: The Licensed Bubblegum Crisis RPG Books

No. Not my own RPG. That's... in a state of transition. I broke a bunch of stuff in it and will probably need to get back to it someday to fix it. Not high on my priority list.

And no, not the Shadowrun Second Edition Partial Conversion drafted up by Neo No Armor Against Fate's Shawn Hagen. Apparently Shawn maintains that his RPG conversion is better, said he was able to dissect the combat easily on Usenet back in the day. And he might very well be right in terms of mechanics, except, oh, wait, probably not, because it's Shadowrun, amirite folks?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.

No, I don't claim to make any defenses for the BGC RPG as an RPG book, and I'll explain what I mean in a bit. I will, however, argue that these sterling little books, published in the two years before R. Talsorian went dormant for nearly two decades (cyberpunk 3.0 notwithstanding), are hands-down the best 'guides' to Crisis 2032 you could ever want. If you're writing fiction in 2032, and maybe you're pressed for ideas, I say give these three books, each shorter than the last, a read...

Which you can do electronically, for free, right here.

This is going to take awhile, isn't it? Well, yeah, we're talking a few hundred pages of small-font text and some really good settei (concept art) serving as the pictures, some of which saw no reproduction outside Japan at all. So, like the multi-part epic rant I've had brewing in my drafts folder for the past half a year, let's break it down into sections. We'll start with

DON'T ACTUALLY PLAY BUBBLEGUM CRISIS: MEGATOKYO 2033 THE ROLEPLAYING GAME: ARU PEE GEE NO DENSETSU

For context, and this is kind of an interesting story: R.Talsorian Games, the primary publisher behind the OGBGCRPG (OG for short) made its fame on two big product lines.

First there was wargame / RPG hybrid Mekton, pioneered by Mike Pondsmith back in the eighties as a mecha fighting game, in the halycon days when most anime watchers got fansubbed tapes from conventions or were watching rebranded Voltronesques on Saturday mornings. Anime fandom as we know it, or even knew it in the nineties, just did not exist, and here's Pondsmith drawing up a whole fucking wargame to do it. The most recent edition circa the nineties was Mekton Zeta, which also had the mecha-building sourcebook Mekton Zeta Plus.

The other was Cyberpunk 2013, released in 1988, which was essentially a street level adaptation of Mekton's mechanics (called 'Interlock' 'cause all the systems could, e-hem, interlock), that got a cool sourcebook or two (including one inspired by cyberpunk classic Hardwired that was written by the novel's author) before getting a second edition in like '89 or '90. That's Cyberpunk 2020 - that's what put R.TAL on the map, that's what I wrote a shitty fanfic crossing with BGC about (It wasn't hard to do), that's what became Cyberpunk 2077, and that's also what became Cyberpunk RED once R.Tal got money from CDPR to make a new edition.

With me so far? I bet you're thinking, Kyle, "gosh and golly gee wilikers so they put their anime system together with their cyberpunk system, because all those parts interlocked just like you said, and they made Bubblegum Crisis!"

And oh, my sweet summer child, how your eyes are shut.

Yeah... So, the OG is actually run on a system called Fuzion, which blends R.Tal's loose network of systems with that of the HERO System, which is... one of those really complicated universal systems that they say can build anything and everything, was designed with a variety of advantages and disadvantages for characters to use to represent their character, and isn't GURPS. No, it was made more for a superhero RPG, I guess?

Anyway, somehow the two companies met, decided to make a joint universal system for all their work going forward, and called it Fuzion. Many other licensed games used it for awhile, people made universal themed supplements for it, but it's not in wide use anymore as far as I know.

Why? Let me see if I can explain by way of picture.

Champions used 3d6. Interlock used a d10. The devs argued and argued and argued over which type the game should be balanced around, then gave the fuck up. Does that fill you with confidence, readers?

So there's this sort of... highly elaborate mishing and mashing of various elements of two very different systems such that neither comes out the better for wear. Here's R.Talsorian's Lifepath, a character-backstory generator where you roll dice to build a character (setting-agnostic, because they were trying to sell a universal system); then here's Champions's Perks and Complications, bought using those same precious campaign points you're using to buy civilian gear (but aren't your players playing as Knight Sabers? Who needs real shit to be marked when you're building hardsuits with separate points entirely?), and complications must be activated x amount of times a session even if it diverts from the fun of playing the game. And so on and so forth. Shit, even crossing Cyberpunk with Mekton doesn't always work, since blocks of damage from Mekton (Kills) scale unsteadily with the more dice-driven combat of CP. Worse still is that the mecha system and the hacking system are off in MZ+ and CP2020 respectively, so if you want to custom-build hardsuits beyond the small pool of tools you're given on the last fucking page of the book, or you want your Nene equivalent to do something useful, nyah-nyah, go buy more books.

And then I'm sure Shawn Hagen has plenty of reasons why the combat doesn't work, but we're not paying attention to him. Whatever. Let's talk about what does work, which is a mix of worldbuilding lore, stuff the R.Tal writers seemed to just sort of come up with, and a great gallery across all three books of Fucking Cool Mecha (especially BGC EX).

LORE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS FOLKS

I mean that earnestly. It's hard to get right, especially when said lore reflects upon the tone of the actual content, the plot, the franchise, whatever. But when telling stories with a licensed game, some degree of lore is, to my mind at least, incredibly mandatory. Maybe not so much for games where the story ought to be made up as one goes along (see RPG's like The Sprawl), but in the case of BGCrisis, an anime which at the time had a pretty loyal fanbase chomping at the bit for answers for their questions about the wider universe the Sabers operated in, R.TAL had to do a mix of cribbing from untranslated material, the B-Club special and all that, and making their own shit up without looking like they'd cribbed from their own work (CP2020) overmuch. The result is very uneven, but charmingly so. I almost want to say it feels more grounded than CP2020 or Shadowrun, but is that just because it's comparatively light on the ground? Perhaps. The mandatory universe timeline is one page, and focuses more on putting years to events that were already canon instead of adding extraneous stuff in.

Likewise with what the politics look like worldwide. We get a few paragraphs about how the U.S. is recovering (not collapsed as in CP2020), Japan is doing pretty good for itself as GENOM's puppet-state, Russia successfully integrated into the EU even if Eastern Europe didn't (See? Wacky shit like that can only be called charming), and China's one big North Korea (which I think is a holdover from the CP2020 Pacific Rim Sourcebook, where Deng was assassinated by Maoist radicals.) We get another dry bit about the idea of a zaibatsu lifted straight from CP2020's Corpbook 1, where Arasaka is discussed... newspapers are now faxed (look it was in BGC OVA 1 what do you want me to tell you)... on and on it goes.

I suppose I like the lore independent of the actual characters because of a few clever predictions. One is using all the cybernetics-gone-bad in AD Police Files to explain why nobody has them in the 2032 OVA, a link I sense wasn't really made concrete until this RPG. It's one of the most interesting interpretations of the source material and of cyberpunk tropes I've seen, you know, where all the splicing and dicing of the body turns out to be a fad and a failure, leaving those who bought into the trend left with butchered and failing bodies - in light of the crypto crash that seems to be dragging the stock market down back into recession / stagflation, that seems pretty classic capitalism.

The other is tied to Before And After, covering the impact of the cheap and now even more ubiquitous Boomers of Crash:

I mean, what can I say? I like predictions of the future that actually consider the effects of hyper-futuristic technology in that sort of way.

That's what a lot of the RPG's lore is at its best, basically working overtime to paper in the gaps left ignored by the series' creators. So we get a nuanced look into how ADAMA is different than similarly-sentient Boomers from the ADPF OVA; we get the Largo = Mason + Boomer Messiah explanation theory that the internet came up with just a year or two prior to the RPG's publishing; we get conspiracy theory proposals about whether or not GENOM undermined the cybernetics market to replace the enhanced with Boomers; we get to see the ADP go from hotshot riot suppression force able to slaughter undesirables en masse to actively disdained by GENOM; a weird consideration of how recognizing Boomer rights could still serve GENOM's agenda... on and on and on. It's such a mishmash of ideas, beautiful because of it.

Obviously no sane RPG player would ever give a rat's ass about any of this, but again, this was a product also marketed towards fans who just wanted a good worldbuilding book. I'm not saying you should take every part of the RPG's world into your own fanfiction, but you can take a great deal of it in and things will hold up.

POWER CREEP? YEAH, I'VE GOT THE POWER, CREEP!

The actual sourcebook sections of the sourcebooks are a) the characters, and b) the mecha. That's it, that's all. Civilian gear is almost an afterthought shoved into the front of the book like it didn't need to be there, cybernetics don't show up until Before and After. For although there is a section in the corebook proposing non-Saber campaigns players can run, they're essentially permutations of the already-existing types from CP2020: Corporates, mercenaries, medias, etc. And why, I ask you, would you run anything else but your own fanmade Saber team in your home city, overgrown and under threat? Shit, RTAL even went out of their way to put a few pages in EX, the last book in the series, highlighting player campaigns with online presences (Geocities, email addresses, etc.) and describing them in brief. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for the play sessions of the guys who did Mega-Gotham...

Anyway, back on topic. Both character pages and mecha pages get a great deal of settei transposed onto these pages, concept art ripped straight from Artmic's design docs and provided, again, more as a nerd resource than anything super useful. This especially comes into play in BGC: EX, where all the concept art and mecha are instead from everything that wasn't animated. Rejected concepts for hardsuits with wheels for feet; Boomer sketches only found in old hobby magazines; scribbles one of the Crash! mecha designers tried to get in that were apparently labeled 'problematic' (I guess he was a toy designer before all this?). I unironically love all this shit, even the beam cannons mounted on a hardsuit right where the boobplates are. Shit, my Discord profile pic is a non-Boomer mecha supposedly used by the JSDF, a 'Battlemover' whose origin I have no idea about, but which looks cool as hell. That's the kind of weirdo fan I am.

My point is that if you need to spice up your fiction, throwing 'new Boomer X' at the Sabers is one thing, giving the Sabers some power-up parts you dreamed up is another, but using the designs Artmic came up with before you did is more galaxy-brained than either. Shit, I should know, it was what Craig Reed did for the fanfics that I continued off of back in the day. And it's the same with these extraneous lore details that some rando RTAL staffer dreamed up a quarter-century ago, because they beg to have an entire fanfic made about any one of them. What happened to Jeena, folks? Inquiring minds want to know.

Anyway, that's it. That's all. Read through these and be a better fan because of it.

[ebaeschnbliah]

Creator of a legend ..... 

Suddenly touched by fame - joy and sorrow of an aspiring author 

Outtake of NRH Halifax

Last time Dr Watson had visited The Strand, his publisher gave him some useful advice regarding the stories he wanted to write about Sherlock Holmes, the extraordinary detective with whom he shares lodgings at Baker Street 221b  (Advice at The Strand).

Dr Watson revised his story .... and it got published.

°

TBC below the cut  (with a lot of pics and all the spoilers)  …

Fierce knocking at his door and loud voices interrupt John, while he is drafting another story for The Strand.

His flatmate Sherlock Holmes and his landlady Mrs Hudson demand entry ... rather forcefully. A very angry Sherlock thrusts a newspaper under John’s nose. ‘Was it you? Did you do this? How dare you?’ Sherlock wants to know and without further ado he pushes the puzzled doctor aside and walks up to the window.  Mrs Hudson watches but remains alarmingly silent.

Looking for help, John turns to his landlady and wants to know what has happended.  ‘You’ve been touched by fame, doctor. Look out of the window’, she tells him calmly .... too calmly for his liking.

As it turns out, a crowd of people has gathered unter the doctor’s window. The moment Sherlock looks out, they start shouting his name enthusiastically. Some of them are waving newspapers in their hands. Outraged Sherlock shouts back at them ‘What do you want? Go away! These are all fantasies, lies! Leave immediately or I’ll call the police! Go away!’  ... without any success. 

‘What are you writing, Doctor?!’ Sherlock demands to know furiously as he turns again to his flatmate. ’You can fantasise as much as you want. You can write about how you dissect frogs. But do not suck me and Mrs Hudson into this abomination! Do not, I repeat, do not write the exact address!’ 

Then, as quick as Sherlock had rushed into John’s room, he’s out of the door again ... the doctor’s boxing gloves tucked under his arm. Before he reaches his own chamber, Sherlock turns on his heels again and calls John a ‘filthy hack writer’. 

Desperate John trys to calm the waves somewhat. He turns once more to Mrs Hudson and assures her that he never meant to insult anybody. Not the best idea, as he finds out immediately. ‘Really? Is that why you described me as an ancient granny?’ Mrs Hudson spits at him angrily. 

John has barely recovered from his shock before a still fuming Sherlock comes at him again and continues his rant. The doctor has hardly a chance to get a word in and Sherlock doesn’t listen to him anyway. He is convinced that his flatmate needs to be punished.

‘I’m going to teach you a lesson’ Sherlock announces emphatically. John stays calm and tries to withstand that storm of anger. Only when Sherlock hints at a  payment of ‘thirty in silver’ and calls John’s pseudonym ‘foppish’, the doctor's patience comes to an end. Apparently a boxing match can’t be avoided. 

(My humble guess .... that ‘foppish’ pseudonym is Arthur Conan Doyle  :)))

John has exceptional fighting skills. Compared to him, Sherlock is less than an amateur. One can safely say that the clever detective is quite talent free in all matters of martial arts. But then, Sherlock knows this very well ....

Calmly John puts on the first boxing glove and the next moment he throws it away with a cry of pain. ‘Well? How does it feel?’ Sherlock asks, both pleased and intrigued, while Mrs Hudson starts screeming in horror. ‘That’s exactly how Mrs Hudson and I feel right now!’, he adds with satisfaction. John is at a loss for words and examines his tormented hand. 

Sherlock carefully gathers his eight legged pet animal and vanishes inside his room ... once more he calls John’s literary activity ‘an absolute abomination’.

Meanwhile Mrs Hudson has regained her composure, but she’s still a far way from being pacified, as Dr Watson soon learns. ‘You paid for the flat until the end of this month. So you’ll have plenty of time to find yourself new lodgings.’ she tells John and rushes downstairs without a further word. 

With a deep sigh of frustration John returns to his own room. He takes the  newspaper with his ‘offending’ story with him. After risking a cautious look out of the window, John sits down and starts reading ...

The satisfied look on his face seems to indicate that Dr Watson ... alias ACD ... is very pleased with his first published story .... ‘A Study in Scarlet’.

The atmosphere of piece and quiet doesn’t last long though before Sherlock calls for his flatmate in a loud voice again. Stay or go .... that’s the question. 

Eventually John decides to follow Sherlock’s call. He opens the door to his flatmate’s room consciously .... and is immediately summoned for a new intriguing case. Sherlock’s rage and anger have dissolved into nothingness. 

But this aren’t the only ripples John’s newly published story causes. While Sherlock works on the case and eagerly searches a dark tunnel for possible traces, Inspector Lestrade uses the time to exchange some words with Dr Watson. It becomes a somewhat one-sided conversation .....

‘Wherever you go, poets are everywhere .....’, Lestrade utters cryptically. John has no idea what the Inspector is driving at. Not yet ... but he feels a bit uneasy .... watching Lestrade fingering his gun in thoughts.

'It’s just me going to work and I don’t write any poems there’, the Inspector continues. And John’s uneasiness increases when Lestrade wants to know how much a writer gets payed for a line. 

Finally the Inspector comes to the point: ‘By the way. Why don’t you write about us? About us simple folk, who guard your peace every day? It’s true, we’re not angles, we’re the same common people who, sadly have to do with criminals, with murderers and with offenders. And there you are, writing some filth about us. For ten pence ...’  

Thankfully John is spared the answer because by now Sherlock has finshed his investigations inside the tunnel and interrupts Lestrade’s outpourings. A change of location is necessary. 

But John is not yet off Lestrade’s hook. At the next best opportunity the Inspector grills the doctor a little bit more.

John tries to enjoy his meal while Sherlock is experimenting and Lestrade continues reading the doctor’s first published story. “Across this bare space there was scrawled in blood-red letters a single word - RACHE” .... ‘You sure can exaggerate’, comments the Inspector. And later he asks sceptically: ‘The murderers are masons?’ John is still at a loss for words.

Luckily the trio has to change the location again. Then the case reaches its peak and there is no time for expressing literary opinions anymore. 

The next day comes. The case is solved. Inspector Lestrade thanks Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson for their commitment. He also adds a stern warning - mainly directed at John - if anything regarding that case should find its way to the newspapers.  

Inspector Lestrade is in a hurry then, because he has to welcome an apparently special and rather distinctive guest at the Yard. A tall, lean man steps out of a carriage. He wears an Inverness Cape and a deerstalker cap and he smokes a pipe while greeting the Inspector gravely. 

Watching the scene, Sherlock has a sudden and quite unexpected proposal for his flatmate. ‘In your stories, John, if you still plan on writing them ... describe me as him.’

John clearly is very pleasantly surprised. Who would have predicted such an outcome after Sherlock’s fit of rage only a short time ago. John has already ideas .....

And he really can call himself a very lucky man, because Mrs Hudson’s wrath has subsides as well by now. :)

°

HALIFAX    part one    part two

A big thank you to @spiritcc  and everyone who made it possible to watch and understand this wonderful Sherlock Holmes adaptation.

Links to watch the series can be found HERE

°

January, 2021

[buzzdixonwriter]

Spock Grok Shock Squawk

Lemme get my main thesis out in the open first thing:

The search for intelligent life in space is a quasi-religious endeavor.

The unstated hidden hope is that we will find up in the sky people who are better and wiser than us, and who will prove they’re better by sharing that wisdom, ushering in, if not exactly a golden age, then one of shiny brass.

The unstated assumption is that they will be like the Vulcans in Star Trek, more advanced than we are, but impressed by our courage and our curiosity and our just plain ol’ fashioned humanness so that even though they are technologically and culturally far superior to us, they’ll toss the keys of the galactic federation in our lap, letting us run things for everybody’s betterment.

Snowflake, please…

(I mean let’s acknowledge this is a white and / or Anglo / European colonial fantasy from the gitgo, okay?  No sane species will let us anywhere near the torpedo room, capice?)

The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI) is a harmless enough exercise, and I’ll be honest, it would be cool if they actually found something, but at its core it’s no different from going into a place of worship and attempting to contact the divine.

(Mind you, I have absolutely no objection to that in principle, either, but I know how a lot of supposed spiritual searchers are actually searching for cudgels to batter their fellow humans into submission; and besides, as will be pointed out below, the search for the divine shares some similar issues with SETI, so read on, MacDuff…)

My next major thesis is this:

Nobody knows what they’re looking for, SETI or conventional religion.

They dress it up in fancy costumes but when you strip both groups’ sky beings naked, you find they’re looking for people just like us in every important way (i.e., we understand them, they understand us, and they don’t hold us accountable for our bullshit).

Here’s a few issues I have with the current state of SETI affairs:

We don’t know what alien life would look like.

We don’t know how alien life would think.

We don’t know what alien life can sense that we can’t sense.

We don’t know how alien life would process information.

We don’t know how alien life would adapt to its environment.

(There’s more -- much, much more -- but these will do for the moment.

Point 1: I’m not talking about green skinned Martians with six limbs, I mean we don’t even know if alien life would have a cell structure or pass along generational information via DNA.

Personally, I think there’s a remote possibility life on Earth did not evolve but is a product of panspermia, in which case any life we encounter on other planets in this solar system may indeed use cell structure, DNA, etc.

But that’s just “a chance greater than zero” not hard evidence.

We literally have no idea what other life would look like so we have no way of knowing where or what to look for.

Someone familiar only with North American forest insects might have a hard time identifying life found at the bottom of the Marianas Trench -- and that’s part of the planet we all share.

There’s a fringe science called shadow biology that wonders if there may be life on this planet that we can’t identify because it looks and behaves so differently from us.

That’s another one of those “greater than zero” speculations -- but the fact we can define right now what would constitute alien life means all we’re doing is looking for Vulcans.

Point 2: We don’t even know how we think; howda %#@& can we anticipate how alien intelligence would think.

I got into this discussion decades ago at a sci-fi con and the fan I was talking with blithely assumed we would recognize one another as intelligent based on whether we used mathematics and my question then and now is:  ”How would you know?!?!?”

Math is a symbolic language that (apparently) interprets basic underlying principles in a way that humans can grasp and apply.

The principles exist whether or not they are expressed, or how they are expressed.

We humans “see” 2 + 2 = 4 as “logical” because out symbolic language links the concept of two distinct objects added to another two distinct objects as being the equivalent of four distinct objects, but we have no way of knowing if an alien intelligence grasps the concept of distinct objects.

For them it may all be just part of a continuum.

There could be aliens desperately trying to contact us right now, using methods we can observe, and we just can’t grasp that there’s even a message to be grasped! 

Point 3: Holy cow (no, not a religious exclamation), this point is huge and we just keep glossing over it.

Humans possess better color vision than canines.

We see three primary colors, they see only two (blue and yellow).

There are other terrestrial species -- butterflies and mantis shrimp, to name two – who see colors far beyond human range, well into what Dr. Seuss would call the “on beyond zebra” range.

Even if we could talk to dogs, we couldn’t tell them what green looks like:  There is literally no place in their brain to process that color.

Or consider binocular vision, i.e., depth perception.

Most humans have depth perception but many -- for any number of reasons -- do not.

A lot of animals lack binocular vision (indeed, on Earth encountering a creature with binocular vision is fraught with danger because they’re almost always predators of some sort, using depth perception to attack prey).

Try explaining depth perception to someone who’s only had vision in one eye since birth.

“Well, it doesn’t have a color or a texture or anything like that, you really can’t ‘see’ it except…well…you actually can see it insofar as you can ‘see’ the actual space that exists between two objects instead of just guessing based on visual clues…”

Again, we may be bombarded with messages from space all the time that we simply lack the ability to sense.

Point 4: This is a lot like Point 2 but different enough to enjoy its own category. 

I mean a couple of things when I refer to processing information.

First off, there’s the actual processing time.

Remember the sloth DMV scene in Zootopia?

Imagine we contact a life form that takes a standard terrestrial year just to express “2 + 2 = 4”.

The entirety of human history would pass before it could get to basic trigonometry.

How do you communicate with that?

(And what would you talk about?) 

Conversely, we would be like ferrets on espresso, the worst form of cultural ADHD imaginable to them

And the script could be flipped!

We could be the ones taking forever to respond, their elaborate and erudite answers might flash by in less than a nanosecond.

We also don’t know what an alien species would value.  We have Maslow's familiar hierarchy of needs but there’s no guarantee these would motivate any other species.

Thigs that would be extremely vital to us might be wholly unimportant to aliens and vice versa.

The fact our sky is blue is just an interesting fact to us, to aliens it might be the single most important thing they’ve ever encountered.

We simply have no way of knowing!

Point 5: Europeans encountering North American native peoples dismissed them as “primitive savages” because they didn’t smelt ore, they didn’t use wheels, and most of their cultures lacked a written language.

Ignore the fact they had well traveled trade routes stretching from the Bering Sea to the Gulf of Mexico, ignore the fact many of them governed and protected well organized territories the size of France or Germany, ignore the fact they lived in an environment not only abundant with easily available natural resources but also possessed the time to work those resources at a leisurely pace.

The European interlopers sure ignored those facts.

SETI looks for machine based physical communication from alien life (physical here including any form of energy used to convey information such as a telegraph or a laser beam).

Presuming alien life exists it may never have occurred to them to attempt to communicate in the manner humans do!

It would be like putting a mime on the radio.

The great unuttered chauvinism of the Drake equation and Fermi paradox is this: That there exists a basic template to intelligent life that’s so common the law of averages says we must find examples of it just like us wherever we look.

That’s an awfully big assumption, folks.

And we’re nowhere close to proving any of it.

  © Buzz Dixon 

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Battle for the Planet and Cameos

You know, I keep trying to be minimal with the amount of images I put in these posts, but I think it’s kind of a losing battle…especially when it comes to episodes animated by TMS like the second one coming later on today. I can’t help it, some of the expressions and poses are just too good to not be shared.

In any case, let’s begin with one very small cameo appearance in “Space Probed”:

Our little duo have apparently found themselves abducted by aliens, only to be kept in lab conditions much like the one on Earth at ACME Labs. This is one of those times where I wish I could know the production order of these episodes and not just the air date order… Why? Well, because this small cameo could potentially line up really well with an upcoming episode. Just keep that in mind for now.

With that out of the way, we move on to our next full skit:

And we begin with the Brain expositing to Pinky about how he came up with the plan for this episode.

“Halloween, Pinky: 1938. Mercury Radio Theatre presented an adaptation of H. G. Wells’ ‘War of the Worlds’ that was so realistic, people actually fled the cities believing that creatures from Mars were attacking the Earth. It proved that radio was a powerful tool…and now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?”

Before we move on, how many of you reading this have heard about this? And how many of you know that this is actually an incident that happened in real life? Yes, people actually fled their homes after hearing this broadcast. Not a lot of people, of course. Not by a long shot. Most just made panicked phone calls to their local police station or to the radio station itself to find out what was really going on. The incident also wasn’t nationwide or anything like that, it was quite local. If anything, the radio play caused much more outrage after the fact than initial panic.

Another amusing anecdote is that Orson Welles was the man who directed, narrated, and played a main character in the broadcast. For those of you who may not be in the know, although Brain was initially based on animator and writer Tom Minton at Warner Brothers, Brain’s voice actor Maurice LaMarche based his voice on Orson Welles. Or, well, as Mr. LaMarche puts it: “The Brain is 70 percent Welles, 20 percent Vincent Price, and I don't know, there's another 10 percent of something else in there. I don't know what. Some people think it's Peter Lorre. I don't know what it is.”.

Strong references aside, I’m betting most of you can see the massive holes in the Brain’s plan already. Hoo boy…

“Umm… The rubber band?”

“The workings of your mind are a mystery to me, Pinky.”

“Ooo! I love a good mystery, Brain!”

You know, this little sequence with Brain nonchalantly stretching the rubber band while walking away from Pinky and Pinky determinedly holding on until Brain lets go off camera and sends Pinky flying is… Well, I don’t know what it is about it, but it’s kind of cute in a weird slapstick way? Like, it’s hard to tell if Brain did that on purpose to send Pinky flying for not understanding his plan…or if he actually wanted Pinky to follow him and tried to lead him to where he was walking but Pinky thought it was some kind of tug-o-war game and Brain got exasperated and let go of the rubber band.

Either way, Pinky doesn’t seem to mind.

“Television, Pinky, is our new tool!”

“We will pirate the airwaves and stage a hoax like ‘War of the Worlds’!”

Brain, you’re very good with that lasso. I’m impressed!

“Three cameras, Brain?”

“Yes… A technique pioneered by the great Desi Arnaz. And with them we will scare the people of the cities, leaving no resistance behind. We will have taken over the world!”

Well, Brain, that technique first being used by Desi Arnaz is a myth (it was more than likely actually pioneered by Jerry Fairbanks around 1947), but I’m going to give you a pass on this because you likely couldn’t fact check this very well at the time.

I do have to give Brain credit for being as dramatic as possible while announcing his plan, though. He really does know how to put on a show.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant!”

And Pinky is, as usual, full of praise and extremely excited about the plan. Look at him clapping and hopping around, aww… I’m starting to think that half the reason Brain goes through with these long, expository explanations of his plans to Pinky despite Pinky not quite following along a lot of the time is just to impress Pinky. Brain needs reassurance and Pinky always provides.

“Oh! Oh, wait, no, no…”

“Why would they be scared of us? We’re so small and we’re practically the size of mice, Brain.”

“We are mice, Pinky.”

“Oh, right! Well, there you are, then. Eh heh heh…”

…Okay, so, Pinky also tends to deflate the praise a bit when pointing out potential flaws in the plan like this, but it’s the initial thought that counts.

Yeah, I know, Brain. I know. But Pinky really is trying to be helpful.

“It’s not a question of size, Pinky. It’s a question of scale! Watch the monitor.”

“*gasp* Zounds, Brain! You’re gigantic!”

“Television, Pinky: The Great Deceptor!”

“Narf~…”

No, you aren’t seeing things. Pinky just…just stands there in front of the TV looking at live footage of a close-up of Brain and sighs in awe and affection while clasping his little hands together. I don’t even think I need to make a “Fellas, is it gay to--?” joke here. All that’s missing is little hearts appearing around his head.

We cut to a little while later, where the duo has everything set up for their broadcast. It looks like Pinky must have done the lettering for their props, since it actually looks decent and nothing like Brain’s scrawlings. Yes, I’m going to continue roasting Brain’s terrible penmanship. It amuses me.

“How is my disguise, Pinky?”

“OH! Is that you, Brain?!?”

“You flatter me, Pinky. Now, throw the switch and let us begin…the Battle for the Planet!”

Title drop! Also, aww. To be fair, Brain, I’m not sure Pinky was intending to be flattering so much as he was actually unsure if that really was you or not. But the fact that you took it as flattery is very telling, I think.

Pinky throws the switch, and the plan is officially underway!

According to the Animaniacs wiki, these people bear a striking resemblance to Elmyra’s family. If that’s what was intended, this is quite the early omen for the horrible “Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain” spin-off that was made after the regular PatB spin-off. I don’t think I’m going to fully cover that show in the far future. It’s not the fun kind of terrible…it’s just terrible.

Oh hey, they were watching Family Matters! Too bad this is many, many years before they could bear witness to Dark Urkle Tribute.

And there’s Ralph, enjoying coffee and a doughnut.

And…some TV station broadcast folks. It kinda bothers me that these two basically have the same model except for different hair colours.

“We interrupt your regular broadcast to bring you this important news bulletin…”

“What is that?!”

“Someone’s pirated the TV lines!”

“Scientists have just reported that a large, unidentified flying object seems to be heading towards Earth. There is no cause for alarm…”

“…But there probably will be.”

Subtle, Brain.

Oh, hi, Warners! You certainly picked a good time to escape tonight.

“We take you now to our satellite view of the planet, perhaps to catch a glimpse of this fearful courier of the unknown.”

Cue Pinky making ridiculous “shoosh” and “shoom” and “weee!~” noises. Very convincing.

“I’ve just received word that the UFO is about to crash land nearby. There should be a great explosion!”

“I said, THERE SHOULD BE A GREAT EXPLOSION!”

“Hmm? Oh! OH, right, Brain! Narf!”

Nice blep, pinky.

Somehow, people watching the broadcast are still terrified. I’ve gotta admit that I didn’t expect this plan to go this well for this long.

…Okay, maybe I spoke too soon.

“Sorry, Brain…”

“…We’ll go live to the crash site momentarily.”

He says before near-instantly cutting to the “crash site”, still in the same disguise. Brain, honey, I know you’re probably trying to reduce broadcast downtime so that the audience doesn’t start to question what they’re seeing, but you do know that quick cuts like this ruin the illusion of this being a live broadcast…right?

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he doesn’t know that. As usual, Brain has tunnel vision and expects his plans to go one certain way, and any details that don’t fit his internal narrative are discarded or not even thought about.

Just let me slide on in…

“I’m reporting to you live from the crash site and I…I’m at a loss for words. Can we get a shot of this very frightening scene?”

He’s right. That’s the most frightening…ly obvious cardboard spaceship I have ever seen.

But okay, I love these tiny prop improvisations they had to do. The bare cardboard wings taped to some kind of spray can for the body of the ship, a stray water cooler cup for the cone, test tubes for the thrusters, random little sewing pins for some kind of antenna, a dirty beige blanket to simulate soil for the crash zone… It’s so hastily cobbled together yet so goddamn cute.

Ralph still seems convinced that this is real, though that isn’t saying much.

“I am now positioned close to the…well, I can only assume that this is a vehicle from outer space, its occupants here to destroy the Earth.”

“Oooo!~ OoooOOOooo!~”

“Wait! There is a strange noise emanating from inside. Something seems to be coming out of the ship!”

They made a glove into an alien space suit with a tiny peephole to accommodate Pinky’s face and they fashioned a little belt from something for it, aaaaa! This is so adorable! Look at Pinky trying to be scary! He’s just all >:B throughout this entire scene.

BUG FOGGER

WARNING

CONTENTS UNDE

EXTREME PRESS

GAS

I’m wondering why they couldn’t label it as “bug spray”. I’ve honestly never heard of it being called “bug fogger”. Is that an American thing? (Also: Tiny sandbag wall!)

“Oh my! It’s hideous! Ladies and gentlemen, I can hardly describe this terrifying creature before me, except to say: Run for your lives! Go on! Empty the cities! Leave everything behind!”

“I…I don’t know how long I can stay on the air. I’ll try to get to our aerial view in chopper five!”

Okay, it seems even Elmyra’s family and the broadcast folks are still under the impression that this is actually happening. And Brain instantly cuts again to the aerial view. Brain, I think you’ve been watching too many movies.

“Chopper five, high above the city. The horrible creatures from Mars…invading…destroying everything in their path! Oh, the humanity!”

Since this is a still image the impact is lessened but Brain is rapidly beating his fist against his side to simulate the sound of helicopter blades and it’s actually pretty effective. Well done, lil guy, I never would’ve thought to do something like that. Your foley work is great!

The milk carton buildings still have straws in them to make chimneys! There’s little Chinese takeout boxes as buildings, too! I’m so charmed by all these quaint ways they’ve made their props.

Also, the Pinky-alien has apparently grown to kaiju size now, somehow. Brain, you’ve got to make your hoax at least a little consistent!

“This is no hoax, ladies and gentlemen. I urge you to run for your lives while you can! We’re not making this up just so we can take over the world!”

Goddamnit, Brain. You are the worst liar in the history of forever.

“Oh no! It’s heading this way! Run for your lives! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

I just thought these cowering poses Brain did were funny and cute. He is so small and vulnerable…

So Pinky starts to menace the camera itself and—

—Oops. This isn’t going to go well.

Poor, poor Pinky.

“We did it, Pinky. Brilliant performance!”

Holy shit, sincere praise from Brain! I’m sure Pinky will treasure it.

“Undoubtedly, the population has fled in fear from their ‘terrifying enemy’, HA!”

Umm. About that, Brain…

“Let us make haste…to The White House!”

Brain, you may want to at least wait a little while so that people can actually—

Ouch.

WOW, who needs Twitter in this universe when the press is this fast?

“’Battle for the Planet is a comedy smash… World laughs together. Stay home for this one!’”

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Well, I think so, Brain…but if we didn’t have ears, we’d look like weasels.”

“[sighs] No, Pinky… Our hoax…no one went anywhere! No one fled the cities! They found us…humorous.”

If it helps any, boys, I also found you incredibly adorable.

“Where are you going, Brain?”

“Back to our cage, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night.”

“Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

I like how Pinky is at first concerned about Brain’s mood and then we he sees that Brain is just walking home to plan for tomorrow night he’s bouncing on his tip-toes after him.

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!”

TO BE CONTINUED because apparently Tumblr finds this post too long otherwise,

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

I'm gonna need the current animation-twitter-blogosphere-youtube-content-mill to understand something... Or at least, listen for a bit. I'm no expert, but as someone who has watched box office - particularly animation box office - for nearly two decades now, I wanna talk about what's going on with a lot of animated features nowadays in a post-outbreak world that's still actually dealing with COVID-19.

Box office, the way Hollywood measures it, is already archaic beyond belief at this point. Success and the movie's justification for existence being determined by a thing's opening weekend and not the legs, the longevity beyond theaters, etc. etc. It's created this weird culture of deeming things "flops" and also creating this weird obsession with marketing.

And apparently more than one of the YouTube Toon Opinion Industrial Complex content mills are already calling a movie like MIGRATION, which is currently legging it up in a way that Illumination's SING movies did during the holiday frame in their respective release years, a money-loser... Like, pump the brakes, will ya?

I don't care if it's clickbait or whatever, like, c'mon... We're reducing the hard work of animators and filmmakers to how much the movie makes in its first weeks of existence.

The way I see it, we're in an era now where...

Theater trips are goddamn expensive and are kind of a gamble. Over $50-70 for a family to see a movie, with concessions added, and your experience may SUCK. (Take it from me, 8-year movie theater employee and loooong-time moviegoer here who has had plenty a shit experience.) It's a gamble each and every time.

And the same applies to maybe a friend group, or a dating couple, or even older adults looking to watch something.

So, either the movie has to be something audiences are familiar with AND know what they're going to get out of it (i.e. MARIO, certain Marvel movies, etc.), or it's lucky to hit audiences in the right place at the right time (OPPENHEIMER, etc.) and luckily tap into the zeitgeist- if not change the zeitgeist singlehandedly.

Box office alone is a gamble. When you start a movie 4 years before release, how the hell do you know what the world is going to look like by the time the thing is completed?

I'm repeating myself, like a broken mp3, I know I know.

But, that's how I see it... Thus, animated family movies and their usual family audiences are in a unique position at the moment. A pretty solid-looking, more original animated family film from Pixar or DreamWorks or Sony had more chances of opening with $40m than they do now. Say, a movie that's not based on a pre-existing IP or is based on one that was never before adapted into a movie or TV series (think something like THE BAD GUYS).

Of course, you have your MARIOs and SPIDER-VERSEs. Those were guaranteed big openers. Films like ELEMENTAL and MIGRATION weren't so clear-cut. Even TROLLS 3 opened fine-ish, significantly below what TROLLS took in some 7 years ago. PUSS IN BOOTS 2 was hampered by bad weather on the East Coast, yeah, but its opening wasn't going to be anything special either. Legs... Or wings in MIGRATION's case, cat claws in PUSS's case... Make all the difference.

They always have, actually. Animated family features usually relied on strong word-of-mouth if they had some kind of adult appeal. It's something similar to what Walt Disney had once "realized" in the late 1950s. Something to the tune of "If the film really appealed to mom... Then mom takes the whole family... And then tells all her friends, and they go, and everyone goes."

So I feel we're in an era where the success of an animated feature can NOT be determined too early. Remember how ELEMENTAL was written off as a big ol' flop, immediately? And that Pixar was toast? And that they needed to bring the Hawaiian shirt pervert control freak back in order to get a box office hit again?

Weeks later, everyone was singing a different tune. ELEMENTAL was an underdog, it had a "comeback" story. No folks, that's just classic animation legs. People liked the movie after hearing from the few people who saw it... That it was actually worth checking out.

But these films need the legs more than ever before, now. Especially in a competitive marketplace where stuff is coming out every week, and there's always something just as good at home to put on. (Some people are trying to suggest that Netflix's LEO cut into Disney's WISH... Because it's at home, right there, no overpriced snacks or disruptive strangers next to you.)

Luckily, TROLLS 3 and MIGRATION were lower with their budgets. Cost in the sub-$100m regions, weren't required to make half a billion like the $200m-costing ELEMENTAL and WISH were expected to do. Which is kinda unfair to begin with, but I digress. Pixar is sure to blow $175m+ on their future features, and WDAS too, while DreamWorks, Illumination, and Sony try to keep it below $100m. Even if it's through dubious means, like outsourcing and shitty pay.

So, nowadays with animated family movies, it's a waiting game. MIGRATION, as of now, is currently at $77m domestically. That's already 6.4x its opening weekend, a fantastic multiplier for any film. By the time it wraps up, it'll likely make over 8x its opening weekend, landing amongst the biggest multipliers for a post-90s animated feature. That Christmas-to-winter break-to-boredom season slot does wonders, doesn't it? And of course, the movie being liked by those who saw it. WISH could've been a leggy Thanksgiving/Christmas movie - like TANGLED and FROZEN and MOANA were, but audiences clearly weren't digging it much.

Of course, it's not easy to do that, either. Sometimes a thing just won't land. LIGHTYEAR, for example. That's also part of the gamble. More often than not, though, these kinds of movies usually get a good audience grade, MIGRATION's no different... So, it's leggin' it up, winging it.

Which is why we should maybe... Wait a few weeks on these kinds of things? I know these "content creators" have bills to pay and have to crank-crank-crank stuff out, but still-

[fandom-necromancer]

571. What are you doing here?

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: talking about death in the end)

‘Meet your new partner, the newest RK-unit. One of the late deviant additions to our team and I believe you will get along just fine.’ Then: ‘Hello, my name is Nines and I’m looking forwards to working with you.’ Gavin knew then and there that the world as he knew it had ended.

It had ended a few weeks prior already, but a man could live in denial a few weeks, couldn’t he? Sentient robots rising up, being deemed as equals and everyone was supposed to just get along from one day to the next. He had hoped to be spared the torture of having a damn tin-can at his heels at work, but apparently, he just wasn’t lucky. By the time the Connor-lookalike stood in front of him, hand outstretched for him to take, he just had accepted his fate. He looked at the creepily human hand, then up to the face, murmured ‘Phck my life’ and walked out the way he came, waving the android to follow him without any motivation.

He endured the day, although he had to admit the android wasn’t any more insufferable as any human partner. Eventually he would learn Gavin was not one for talking, being friends with or anything vaguely social to begin with. Or he would ask for a transfer. Both was fine with the man. So, as his shift was over he logged himself out, shut down his terminal and walked out of the precinct to head home. The last thing he heard before he was outside was Nines’ voice, sighing: ‘Well, that could have gone worse.’

-

Gavin grunted as he finally reached the end of the stairs and reached into his pocket to get his keys untangled from his headphone cord. He yearned to sink into his couch or maybe even a warm bath? His back direly needed some care after a whole day of sitting on his desk tense and on edge. Hell, he would manage. If he was anything then adaptable. He could swallow his personality at work, as long as everyone left him alone. He still had his life outside of work to relax and unwind. Walking forwards leaned to the side to balance the groceries he had bought after work, his back gave him an entirely new feeling of hell. Yep, definitely hot bath. As he finally got his keys free, he looked up towards his door and froze.

‘What are you doing here?’, he asked completely perplexed, as he met the android’s eyes. It was the same damn robot. ‘I am entering my apartment.’ ‘Your what?’ ‘My apartment, Detective.’ ‘Wha-wha-what the hell?’ Gavin looked from the android to the door next to his own. ‘You did this on purpose?’ ‘No, Detective. New Jericho distributes a place to live for any android who wishes to have one. I have to repay them a previously invested sum and my rent. But I didn’t choose this apartment.’ ‘This is some kind of joke right?’ ‘No’, the android answered, unlocking his own door. ‘Good evening Detective.’

The android disappeared into the apartment right next to Gavin’s own and he spent a good amount of time staring at the closed door. Oh, this had to be a joke!

-

The next morning Gavin had suppressed everything that happened the previous day. He would let the world hit him as soon as he would enter the precinct. For now: Coffee. He finished his cup in the kitchen mindlessly petting his cat that lay on the table. Then he gathered his belongings and braced himself for leaving his little oasis.

He opened the door just to see the android next door do the same. Gavin stared at the RK900 feeling no emotion except resignation. ‘Good morning, Detective!’ Gavin groaning and slamming the door on him was his answer. Gavin would just be five minutes late today.

-

‘Another day survived, Liz!’, Gavin announced stretching his back as soon as he had changed into something more comfortable. At least on his way back he was spared meeting the android again. Maybe this was bearable, as long as they timed their arrival and departure right? He put out dinner for his cat and then moved to the couch to just lay there for a while. In the total silence he could hear the door to the apartment next to him being opened, then closed. Great. Tin-can in the house.

It stayed silent for a while. Then Gavin could hear music wafting through the walls. It wasn’t as loud as Gavin liked to hear his, but he could still make out some words and the melody. Enough to realise it was a complete disaster of a playlist. Songs popular in the radio followed 80s pop, Irish folk songs interrupted death metal. Then an hour of violin music with various sounds of nature added in. Something that sounded like the choir of a medieval church. Radio songs again. Punk. It started to get on his nerves after the third hour and Gavin decided to just go to bed and drown it out with his noise-cancelling headphones.

-

Nines had realised early on, that Reed didn’t like him. But he didn’t hate him either he supposed, so it was a welcomed neutral stance. He could work like that. Them living next to each other had been a shock for the man, but after Nines left home before the detective and came back after him there had been no further problems. They ignored each other completely in their private lives and although Nines had hoped to maybe make a few friends in his neighbourhood, it wasn’t like he needed it.

This morning he listened for the sound of the Detective’s door and waited five more minutes. The man should have departed by then and there wouldn’t be any confrontation until they were both at work. But as he walked out of the building he saw Reed vividly cursing at his car, bend over the hood  and shaking his head. Nines stood there watching him. Should he speak to him or keep up their mutual ignorance? Maybe this was a chance to better their relationship? ‘Whatcha staring at, tin-can?’ Too late now. ‘I wanted to ask if you needed help with your car.’ ‘Yeah, well, phcking thing won’t start. And with these fancy electric ones it is difficult to find the reason for it. Back in the day you just looked at it and when something seemed or sounded wrong you knew exactly what would have to be repaired.’ ‘May I then?’, Nines asked, surprised by the Detectives lack of abrasiveness. He had thought to be fobbed off with a hissed ‘None of your business.’ ‘Sure’, the human sighed, stepping back and waving to the car. ‘Knock yourself out.’

Nines came nearer, carful not to step into the man’s personal space he had long since worked out from observing him around others. He searched for a place to interface with it and accessed it’s internal systems. ‘Easy. Your car has a software error. It thinks the battery is depleted although it just didn’t realise it was temporarily disconnected while it was recharging.’ Reed stepped from one foot to the other warily. ‘Well, can you convince her otherwise?’ ‘Already done, Detective.’ He stepped back to close the hood, cocking his head to the side. ‘Christine? A nice name.’ ‘Hmm? Yeah, it’s from some old movie, where… You know what, never mind.’ He walked around to the driver’s side and scratched his neck. ‘Err… You need a ride to the precinct? I mean, since you kinda repaired my car…’ ‘Only if it’s not a problem for you. I can call myself a taxi.’ ‘Ugh, get in toaster. Just don’t think I’ll give you more rides in the future.’

-

Although he had said he wouldn’t do it, the Detective had offered the android to take him back home again. Reasoning it was needlessly complicated to keep avoiding each other when they lived next door. His only condition was they wouldn’t talk, and Nines could do that. They climbed up the stairs and Gavin walked faster in the hallway to his door, so he was the first one to open it. ‘Mreeow!’ A little black ball of fur was sprinting out the door and down the hall, followed by a screamed ‘Phck!’ Acting on instinct, Nines moved into the path and scooped up what he discovered was a cat. ‘Stupid ball of fur! I know I’m late, idiot cat!’ The Detective was running towards him and the android handed her over. ‘Thank you, toaster. She is the most idiotic animal I know. Sorry!’ Then he disappeared through the open door and left Nines to listen to the angry screams from inside as Gavin scolded his cat verbally. She did talk back to him though. So, Reed had a cat, huh? Apparently, the man wasn’t that aloof after all.

-

After Gavin had been appropriately angry with his stupid cat, he cuddled her for good measures. Afterwards he prepared a meal for himself and fed Liz. As he sat down to eat, the music next door started up again. This time some songs were missing, entire genres even, as it seemed. Others stayed and new ones were added. Only then it clicked that maybe the android was trying to determine his taste in music and find new songs to listen to. Surprisingly the RK900 had good taste. Gavin listened to it and smiled as one song he liked himself came on and the android seemed to like it enough to play on repeat for a while. Maybe the android wasn’t that bad.

-

It was late in the evening as Nines came home. He had been out with Connor and Hank to see a movie. Nines hadn’t particularly liked it, but he had only ever seen one movie before that one and thought he needed more to base his likes and dislikes on. It was already dark and the lights in the hallway weren’t the best. Still, Nines could see light flowing from Reed’s apartment, illuminating two figures in the doorway. Two men, one the Detective, one someone he didn’t know. They were kissing and so preoccupied they didn’t even realise they weren’t alone anymore. Nines hurried to unlock his door before they did, noticed the smell of alcohol sticking to them, and closed the door behind him.

-

The next morning the ride to work was as awkward as it could be. The human didn’t seem to mind, but Nines was thankful for their agreement not to talk. That was until the man broke the silence himself: ‘Hey, toaster, what has you all worked up?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Your mood light. All red. Something, I should know before we arrive at work? Caught a virus or something?’ ‘Oh.’ Nines checked his stress levels and blushed. ‘I just… I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.’ Reed flinched. ‘Shit. Were we that loud? I’m so sorry, toaster, I know that’s phcking disgusting to hear…’ ‘No!’, Nines immediately blurted out. ‘No, I didn’t hear anything.’ And he definitely didn’t want to hear anything more, now that he had realised the Detective wasn’t showing any shame talking about it. ‘I came back late yesterday and saw him.’ ‘Oh phck. Yeah, I thought I heard something in the hallway yesterday. Anyways, he is not my boyfriend.’ ‘He isn’t?’, Nines asked despite himself. He was curious, okay? That was entirely normal for a neighbour. ‘Nines, ever heard of one-night stands?’, Reed answered. ‘We were just blowing off some steam.’ Then he laughed bitterly. ‘The man that wants to stay with me permanently has yet to be invented.’

-

‘Holy shit, this reeks!’ ‘He has been dead for two weeks already, Detective. That much is to be expected at this stage of decay.’ ‘Ugh, how has no one even found him yet? The neighbours have to smell that three floors down.’ ‘It was a neighbour who contacted us because of this smell.’ ‘Yeah, but still… No one noticed he was missing? Workplace? Friends? Family? Some phcking bar-tender?’ Nines sighed. ‘According to prior interviews he was what you would describe as an “asshole” at work, so they just thought he had quit. No friends anyone knows of. There are still a brother and a sister, but they got into a fight over inheritance money and haven’t spoken since 2033.’ ‘Phck. That strikes home…’ ‘What do you mean, Detective?’ ‘None of your phcking business’, Reed hissed and put on his gloves, stepping closer to the body to examine what little evidence there was. Nines was naturally curious. But he also knew when it was the right time to ask questions and it wasn’t now. So, he kept quiet.

-

That day Reed had been especially reclusive. The ride home had been dead silent with the radio turned so low it could as well have been shut off completely. With only so much as a ‘Bye toaster’ the man had vanished into his apartment, leaving Nines behind to wonder what had upset his neighbour that much. Had it been his question? A murder or suicide case with a body two weeks dead. Striking home. Nines couldn’t find a satisfactory connection, so he just decided to leave the man alone. Maybe in a few days he could ask again. Or maybe after the case was closed.

He entered his own apartment and began cleaning it. He hadn’t anything else to do and didn’t feel like listening to music. It occupied him a few hours, until he had reached his bedroom, a simple bed and his stasis-booth. He had tried “falling asleep” in a bad like a human but had ultimately failed. It didn’t feel safe somehow, to lay down. It was also directly next to the Detective’s living room and he could hear nearly every word.

He was shaking out the bedsheets as he heard a sound he had never before. It was very quiet and came from the other’s apartment. Was this… crying? He went to the wall and listened more intently. Yes, that were definitely sobs. He took a step back staring at the wall. Detective Reed was crying. A simple fact.

Now what should he do? Should he even do something? Whatever had upset the Detective today most likely was the reason for this too. And the man hadn’t liked his questioning back then. Maybe him going over and check in on him was invasion of privacy. He shouldn’t go. He should stick to their tactic of ignoring each other.

But it was too late as his legs had already brought him to Reed’s door. And he knocked. The crying from inside stopped. Then there was an answer: ‘Phck off!’ Nines waited for a while. But he decided against following the order. ‘Detective, are you okay?’ ‘Obviously not!’, the wavering voice screamed at the door. ‘But it’s not your problem.’ ‘If it interferes with your ability to go to work tomorrow, it is’, he tried joking. That normally helped. But he was met with silence. ‘I’m sorry’, he apologised. ‘Can I help you?’ ‘Phck off to some scrapyard and get compressed into something useful, will you?’ ‘Detective, please, may I come in?’ ‘What is so difficult about the phrase “Phck off”? It means: GO. AWAY.’ ‘Detective. 98% of interviewed people state that talking about distress helps.’ ‘Don’t you statistic me! I’m fine. Go.’ ‘Please. At least tell me what is going on, so I can sleep.’

Again, there was silence. Then footsteps. Then the door was unlocked, and a tear-stained face emerged. ‘You are one persistent bastard.’ ‘I’m only worried.’ ‘Fine. Come in. I don’t want to have the whole floor know about my personal shit.’ Nines followed the human inside and realised then he had never been to his flat before. It was very lively, nicely decorated too. It showed the personality his own still lacked. Reed let himself fall onto the sofa and pulled his knees to his chin. Nines felt lost. ‘So, you gonna stand there forever or come sit?’ ‘Oh, Of course.’ He sat down next to the man but kept his distance.

‘I will tell you this once, and we will never talk about it again, you got me? Never. I’m not one for personal talk, but you are alright. You understand what it means to be patient and don’t act as if you had a right to know everything about everyone. Makes you damn likeable.’ Nines just nodded. ‘And if you ever talk to anyone about it or tell them I cried, I will-‘ ‘Got it, Detective. I won’t.’ ‘I’m lonely. I know I’m an asshole, but even disgusting people can get lonely. I have a brother I decided to hate and can’t bring myself to apologise. He tried keeping in touch, but I ignored him. By the time I wanted to get back in contact he had given up, so I did too. I’m an ambitious asshole at work who doesn’t care for personal relationships. Guess I felt the need to make everything a competition. But some self-centred careerist makes little friends. And once I’m home I’m home and I don’t leave again until work because you gotta take all the time you got, right? Doesn’t matter what you do as long as you could do something and then you end up binging some old movies and series. And I’m fine. I’m fine with being a loner most of the time. Just… When I see things like we saw today… What if that’s me? When I suddenly die because someone decided to take it out on the detective that found them? What if I die and no one realises it? As I said, I’m an asshole at work, people would be happy to have me gone. My brother wouldn’t even realise it because I’m basically dead to him already. And no friends to miss me either. Phck, I would lie here until someone notices the smell and I’m not even that sad about it because hey, I won’t be there to experience it, but what’s with Liz? She is stuck with me and needs me to feed her. And… And… Phck, I don’t want to be some cold case no one bothers to investigate really, because what a sad phck this dead guy is, dying alone and-‘

‘I would miss you.’

‘What?’ ‘I would miss you, Detective. I like you.’ ‘Yeah, bullshit, we never even talk.’ ‘I have nothing to talk about. I am alive for what? Four months? Not much to experience yet. With you it’s easy to pretend that… doesn’t matter. You are very competent, and your personality isn’t that bad once you found out what words were meant to strike. I would notice would you suddenly disappear and… And I think I wouldn’t like being alone again.’ Reed stared at him for a while disbelievingly. ‘You are shitting me, toaster, you think we are friends? From just that? God, that’s even more sad than my story.’ ‘I don’t think we are friends yet, Detective. But I would like to be one day. I could even…’ He sighed. ‘Reed… Gavin. I like you. I don’t want to see you in pain. I don’t want to hear you cry. And I don’t want you to be lonely, because you don’t deserve that. Make of that what you want. But be reassured, you won’t end like this man. You have a tin-can for a neighbour after all.’ Gavin chuckled awkwardly, trying hard not to process at what the android had hinted. ‘Are you better, Detective?’, Nines asked. ‘I think I am now.’

[rinko-fujinami]

OKAY an assortment of my favorite diavolo hcs (that i can remember) that im putting here for my memory’s sake.

- i refuse to budge on this. his physical aesthetic might be scene with a mix of punk like ar*ki intended (whatever!) but his favorite stuff to listen to is HOUSE. I mean the good old stuff and its obvious european counterparts: chicago house, detroit house, tech house, euro tech, rave, deep house etc. This is more of a joke from twitter that i can’t let go of but if he was REALLY feeling it THEN he could bump stuff like ghetto tech and acid house too.

i feel like he could even get into darkwave too if he was feeling dramatic .

He doesn’t get to listen to anything often bc headphones are a huge distraction and he feels less safe with them on so he keeps a small collection of CDs and when he’s hiding out in an extremely secluded location then he’ll play it out loud.

(sometimes i feel dumb for this hc especially since most folks agree he would like rock genres but then i remember ppl say the same for Jotaro when actually Jotaro canonically liked jazz, funk and r&b)

((the rest are under the cut bc this got long oops))

- He usually smells like leather, cheap soap and sweat. If he were to wear cologne the same one would never be worn twice.

- He can speak Sardegnan and Neopolitan dialect, little English, some Spanish and some Arabic.

- Hypothetically, when Doppio fronts he gets a full amount of sleep. Most of the time when Diavolo sleeps it’s when he goes out cold in front of the computer bc he can’t stay up any longer. Doesn’t stay asleep the whole night n jolts awake.

- He’s an EXCELLENT SALESMAN. In another world he would be a more...legitimate entrepreneur. He might not have charisma in the same way as, say, Dio does, but he is really good at making his promises, deals and plans sound lucrative and can reel ppl in with them

- He spends a majority of his time working but in his “free time” he also reads men’s fashion to get an idea of what his next outfit will look like. He prefers patterns and dark but similar colors like maroon, purple, burgundy etc. Obviously modifies his clothes sometimes

- The lace shirt is part of a lingerie set

- I hc his hair to have a decent amount of volume so if i had to make an excuse as to why his hair looks so flat in the anime it’s because he constantly keeps it pulled in that tight ponytail and slicks it back often

- Is not a practicing Catholic anymore but still somewhat believes in a higher power (”fate”, “the universe” etc)

- King Crimson was originally more capable to doing some actions on his own to protect his user from immediate danger, including some speech. That’s why his voice is deeper than Diavolo’s. It was only over time that it fell back to being a mouthpiece and executioner for him, only doing what Diavolo willed him to do.

- He is extremely good with computers n programming. why would he not be, he p much has to be. when ppl joke abt being dumb with technology it kinda bothers me LMAO

- Is verbose and has a verbal tick. Both of these are p much canon except his “eh?” tick sadly gets watered down with each adaptation. Does it more in the manga which is mostly reflected in the ps2 game, watered down to only 2 times in the anime and doesn’t seem to be apparent in the dub.

- Speaking of speech, i hc his voice as higher. His ps2 voice is my favorite bc it’s closest to my voiceclaim for him. I like that his stand’s voice is deeper than his own in the dub tho.

- I don’t really hail his origin as 100% truth since it’s supposed to be a tale of sorts but,, when I think of his parents both the mother and father did crimes. They might’ve belonged to a gang themselves, and got busted on their last heist with members of the gang. The mother was native Sardegnian while the father was of Spanish descent and had dark purplish hair. The father died in prison. Which leads me to me next one..

- This boy STTEEEEALLLSSS. If he got in trouble for anything as a kid besides being clumsy it was for stealing. He was always good at hiding and sneaking away, and after he got his stand from the arrows (WHICH HE CANONICALLY STOLE) he just got even better at it. I’m sure he had to do some important stealing among other things while founding Passione or even after as the boss.

- uhh ok i’ll end it idk how tho uhhh he aint got no gender