#apparently cover her healthcare

[explanationpoint]

I agree with like 95% of this but I would give it 4 stars

x

[lulublack90]

Prompt 19 - Holly

@wolfstarmicrofic December 19, word count 770

Dumbledore had Remus going around the packs again on the full moon's. He��d tried to explain that the wolves didn’t want to fight, that they wanted to be left alone, but Dumbledore wouldn’t listen. He went anyway, as he liked to do what he could to help the packs, even if it was just healing those who struggled to heal themselves. Effie had always said he’d make an excellent healer, and he’d begun studying for a career in healthcare. That was until he was informed that, due to his Lycanthropy, he wasn’t eligible to train. He’d been distraught and fought hard to be able to train; he’d even had letters from all the staff who knew about him and an entire essay from Madam Pomfrey on why he would be an excellent healer. But it had all come to nought, and he’d spent the last decade and a half finding odd jobs, mainly in the muggle world, to pay the bills. 

The pack he’d run with this month was one of the hardest up packs he’d come across. The pack was full of wolves who didn’t want to steal and beg. They’d made their own little settlement in the forest, and they hunted for their own food, but there was a distinct lack of necessities. Remus did what he could, dipping into Sirius's Gringott's accounts, with his permission, and bought them a few things, like blankets and toilet paper.  

He visited them a few times outside the full moon as he enjoyed the company of the pack's members. He’d come after the full moon this time as he’d been running with a pack in Wiltshire that had been getting a bit too close to the Malfoy property for the Order’s liking. It had turned out that they had no idea that they’d strayed that far. Apparently, the hunting was excellent in the area, but they’d promised to keep their distance as they wanted no part in their war. 

Today, there was a new member of the small pack. Remus’s heart broke when he saw the small blonde-haired little girl. She couldn’t be more than six. 

“Greyback,” Penny told him in the way of explanation. “Horrendous. We got a tip-off that he’d been in the area. We found her hiding under her bed, both parents dead in the next room. We got her out of there as quickly as we could and covered up the mess Greyback left. So far, no one is looking for them,” Remus felt a wave of red-hot anger course through his veins. Greyback had ruined so many lives and here was his latest devastation. 

The little girl was wrapped in one of the blankets he’d bought and being held by Naomi. The girl had tear stains down her face, with new ones being added every time she blinked. It was cold today and the forest was no place for a child. He made a decision and talked it over with Penny. 

Remus opened the front door of Grimmauld Place. He walked as silently as possible past the curtained portrait of Walburga Black, sniffing the air as he went. He climbed the stairs, following Sirius’s scent into one of the upstairs sitting rooms. 

“Hey,” He said as he entered the room. 

“Oh, hey,” Sirius put his crossword and turned to face him. His smile froze on his face as his eyes widened as he took in what was in Remus’s arms, or who. 

“Sirius, this is Holly. Holly, sweetheart,” He said gently to the little girl nestled in his arms, “This is Sirius,” Sirius stood and took a step towards them. 

“Remus…”

“I know, I know,” Remus interrupted him. “But I couldn’t leave her, Sirius. The forest is no place for a kid.”

“Remus…”

“I know Grimmauld Place isn’t much better, but as soon as the war is over we can move out or renovate it…”

“Remus!” Sirius laughed as he shook his head. 

“Oh, sorry,” Remus’s cheeks flushed as he realised he was babbling. 

“I think it’s wonderful that you’re helping her.” He turned his attention to the tiny girl in Remus’s arms. “Holly, have you ever met a Hippogriff?” Holly shook her head. “Would you like to?” A nod this time. Sirius held his arms out, and Holly willingly went to him. Remus watched as Sirius walked away with the new addition to their little family as he chatted quietly to her on their way up to meet Buckbeak. Remus let out a happy sigh. Holly was going to have a hard life, but hopefully, he and Sirius could make it as good as possible.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Chris McGreal at The Guardian:

The killing appeared so well-planned that at first glance many assumed it was a professional hit. The gunman who shot dead Brian Thompson, head of one of the US’s largest health insurance companies, on a New York street before dawn lay in wait with a weapon fitted with a silencer, kept his cool as his gun jammed and made a nimble escape after ensuring that his victim had been fatally struck.

However, within hours, an intense police manhunt turned up a trail of clues and possible mistakes, suggesting that while the killer had taken care to cover his tracks, he also made amateurish missteps that may yet lead to his identification and capture. But millions of Americans were less interested in the mechanics of what New York’s new police commissioner, Jessica Tisch, called “a premeditated, pre-planned, targeted attack” than the possible motive. Despite the fact the killer’s motive remains completely unknown, the death of UnitedHealthcare’s CEO unleashed an eruption of anger from people mistreated, or untreated, by the US’s rapacious medical industry and even a grim schadenfreude from some at Thompson’s death.

Hundreds of thousands of Americans are driven into bankruptcy every year by medical debts, with many of them losing their homes. Thousands die because insurance companies find reasons not to pay for treatment, including UnitedHealthcare, which denies about one-third of claims. Anthony Zenkus, a lecturer at the Columbia School of Social Work, spoke for many in a post on X.

“Today, we mourn the death of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson, gunned down.... wait, I’m sorry – today we mourn the deaths of the 68,000 Americans who needlessly die each year so that insurance company execs like Brian Thompson can become multimillionaires,” he wrote.

The revelation that shell casings at the scene were marked with the words “deny” and “defend” and “depose” added weight to speculation that the killer had had a vendetta against UnitedHealthcare, which earned $280bn in revenue last year insuring about 50 million people in the US. Two of the words are used by the industry in policy documents and were included in the title of a 2010 book Delay, Deny, Defend: Why Insurance Companies Don’t Pay Claims and What You Can Do About It.

Thompson was in New York from UnitedHealthcare’s headquarters in Minnesota for an investor conference. The 50-year-old father of two had been appointed the company’s CEO in 2021 and was paid $10m last year after overseeing a sharp rise in profits to $16bn that some critics said came from using artificial intelligence to routinely reject claims. His killer appears to have been well-informed about Thompson’s movements. The assailant apparently knew when his victim was likely to arrive at the New York Hilton Midtown hotel close to Central Park and which entrance he would use. [...]

Thompson was separated from his wife, Paulette, who fueled the speculation that he had been shot by someone with a grudge against UnitedHealthcare in her initial reaction to NBC News. “There had been some threats. Basically, I don’t know, a lack of coverage? I don’t know details. I just know that he said there were some people that had been threatening him,” she said. That there was plenty of public anger at UnitedHealthcare was not a secret.

Earlier this year, protesters from across the country rallied outside the company’s headquarters in Minnesota over its refusal to pay about one-third of claims, according to research by ValuePenguin, more than any other health insurer. Regulators and politicians have accused the company of boosting profits by systematically rejecting care to which people are entitled under their policies or of refusing to meet the full cost and leaving patients in debt. In October, a US Senate committee released a report cataloging how UnitedHealthcare and other companies deny patients care after they have been discharged from hospital following acute operations, even when doctors say they are necessary for a full recovery. The report said that the denials were principally made to drive up profits.

The day before Thompson was killed, the American Society of Anesthesiologists issued a statement condemning another health insurance company, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, for imposing a limit on the amount of time for which it was prepared to pay for patients having surgery to receive anaesthesia. The company reversed its position after the shooting. But Thompson’s death unleashed something more visceral from people who feel helpless in the face of giant medical corporations with the power of life or death. [...] The backlash came not only from patients but doctors who recounted UnitedHealthcare refusing to pay for a child with cancer to receive medicines for the side effects of chemotherapy and questioning the necessity of lifesaving care. The outpouring of anger from within the medical profession at Thompson as representative of the greed of the insurance industry at the cost of lives caused Reddit moderators to delete a thread for the medical community, according to the Daily Beast. The health insurance industry is only one part of a medical system that the Princeton economists Anne Case and Angus Deaton, who won the 2015 Nobel prize for economics, have described as a “Sheriff of Nottingham redistribution” in the fleecing of ordinary Americans to give to rich corporations.

The murder of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson has ignited bipartisan rage against the for-profit health insurance industry and its CEOs for their roles in creating unnecessary deaths fueled by delayed and denied claims.

[dearestro]

Oh Baby! Part 3

Warnings: Sick baby, brief mentions of bodily fluids, Innuendos , and crude language. Sorry if I missed anything!

Disclaimer: I know nothing about healthcare, diseases, etc. I read a case file on the internet about the disease I wrote about. Almost everything I wrote (symptom and disease wise) I got from the internet, so I apologize if I messed up.

Summary: As time marches on desperation sinks in.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Coming Soon...

Your Pov

Before I knew it, we were on our way to Princeton-Plainsboro. Everything felt numb. Lights flashed when I closed my eyes, and the screams and cries of our baby filled my ears.

I didn't realize that we arrived until James had come to my side of the car and opened the door.

"Sweetheart…we're here." He gently prodded my shoulder. I finally looked at him. His shirt was still covered in Rosie’s blood. I only stared. "Y/n…come on. They're waiting for us in the ER." I shook my head, breaking out of the trance.

"Right…" I quickly unbuckled and got out of the car. James wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me stable as we made our way inside.

Once inside, James sat me down and went to the front desk to find the whereabouts of our baby.

We were moved to a private consultation room. We had yet to see Rosie or find out any information, but the doctor's face didn't relay much hope.

"Dr. and Mrs. Wilson…unfortunately your daughter is not doing very well. She was immediately moved to NICU." My hand flew to my mouth to stifle a sob as James wrapped his arm around me and held my head to his chest.

"So-so who's the attending doctor? What's the course of action?" James grilled the man, intent on getting as much information as possible.

“I, along with Dr. Oro, will be taking care of her. Right now, we will monitor and observe her so that we can find the right diagnosis and treatment. It’s been a long day, and there’s nothing you can do for her right now. I recommend the two of you go home and try to get some sleep. We’ll keep you updated, Dr. Wilson.” He left to go attend to business and leave us to think. We stayed silent as we took in his words. James shook his head and rubbed his hand down his face before sighing.

“I’ll-I’ll drop you off at the house…pack a bag, stay the night in my office for any updates.” He stood up and stuck out his hand to help me up. I looked up at him to see tears in his eyes. He looked like a mess. I could only imagine how bad I looked. I took his hand and we started walking to the car. I wanted to see our Rosie, but with the state she’s apparently in, it might just kill me, so I continued silently.

Once we got home, I sat on the couch and just stared…there was still blood on the carpet, and the forgotten items from earlier were thrown about. James had gone to get a shower, change, and pack. When he came back, he noticed my trance-like state.

“Why don’t you head to bed.” He whispered as he caressed my hair. “I’ll clean up out here.” I just barely nodded before he helped me get up and walk to our room. “I’ll call you in the morning.” He said as he kissed my hairline. “I love you.” I looked up at him sadly, still not able to say a word, but he seemed to understand and kissed me one more time before leaving.

Wilson’s Pov

I woke up to a loud banging on my office door. It took a second for the events of last night to flood my memory. I sighed and looked at my watch. It was ten in the morning, and I had overslept. I sighed and rubbed my face before getting up to find House on the other side of the door.

"About time." He shoved his way into my office. "You look like shit by the way."

"Gee, thanks. Look, House, I'm really not in the right state to deal with you. Please just leave."

"What? Trouble in paradise? Rugrat keep you up all night crying? And by that, I mean the baby made you cry all night."

"Please, House." I pleaded.

"Oh! I know! Wifey number 4 finally had enough and kicked you to the curb? Couldn't stand having two pathetic creatures wanting to suckle her breasts 24/7?" He would have continued, but I had finally had enough.

"House!" He turned and seemed to fully take in my disheveled appearance. A confused look crossed his face.

"What?"

"It's-it's…" I tried to get it out. To say it. I could feel tears well in my eyes as I took a deep breath to regain my cracking composure. "It's Rosie… she's sick." I could hear my voice crack at the words. I looked up, finally meeting House's eyes. He only stared. I scoffed. "What? You're not going to say anything?" I asked in disbelief at his silence. "I didn’t expect much sympathy from you of all people, but the least you could do is act like you feel bad!" I sighed again before looking back at my packed bag. "I have to pick up y/n so we can figure out what's wrong with our daughter. Lock up or don't. I don't care anymore." And with that, I left to get my wife.

Your Pov

It took forever but eventually exhaustion took over and I was out like a light. I woke up to James prodding my shoulder gently and whispering my name.

"Honey, honey, I know you're tired, but you have to get up. We've got to eat and get dressed so we can see Rosie." I groaned at the noise and sudden light. "I know. Come on." He gently helped me to sit up as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. "That's my girl." He kissed my temple as he rubbed my back.

"What time is it?" I asked while yawning.

"Almost eleven." My eyes shot open, and I scrambled to get out of bed. "Hey! Hey. It's ok. It's ok."

"I'm sorry. I should've been up by now!" I whined on the verge of tears. "I'm a bad mother! How could I sleep when our baby is sick?" I scolded myself.

"Shh. You're not a bad mother. You're exhausted. Besides, staying up worrying all night would only make things worse." I nodded at his words as I started to calm down. "That's it, babe. Come on, let's have breakfast and get showered. It'll make you feel better." He continued to rub my back as we made our way to the kitchen.

Once there, he sat me down at the island and proceeded to put together a simple breakfast. I sat quietly as we ate together while he rubbed my thigh. I just couldn't bring myself to talk much. Eventually, we got showered and dressed and headed to the hospital. We waited for any news.

This was our routine for the rest of the week. Eat, sleep, cry, wait. James took off work, and together, we tried to get through it, but unfortunately, with every passing day, there was no answer.

Today was another day spent waiting for the doctor and any news.

"Unfortunately, your daughter has taken a turn for the worse." I comprehended the doctor's words, but I couldn't relay any emotion. "We still do not know what is wrong with her." I stared at my hands. Picking at the remains of my cuticles as if it would distract from the real pain. "We aren't giving up. However, I'm afraid there's not much we can do…" After offering his sympathies, he left us to cope with the news.

I hadn't realized I was crying until a tear dropped onto my hands. First one, then two, then a rainfall. It was endless. I continued to pick at the raw skin until James grabbed my hands.

"Hey. Stop that." He said gently as he grasped my fingers and brought them to his lips. I finally looked up at him and saw the tears running down his cheeks. And just like that, something inside me broke.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I sobbed as he pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair. "I couldn't even give you a healthy baby!"

"This isn't your fault." He whispered. I knew he was right, but if it wasn't my fault, whose was it? "None of this is your fault." I could hear the quiver in his voice as he tried to keep it together.

"We need House." He pulled back to look me in the eye as confusion crossed his face. "I know you're mad at him, but we need him. He's the only chance our baby has. Please ask him, Jamie." I continued to cry as he nodded and kissed my temple.

"Of course."

Wilson's Pov

After dropping y/n off at home and helping her to calm down, I made my way back to the hospital with one thing on my mind. House. I finally reached his office to find him ddxing with his team. Normally, I wouldn't interrupt, but in dire circumstances…

"House." Everyone turned to stare at me as I was well aware of how awful I must have looked. "I need to talk to you."

"Well, we're kind of in the middle of something so…"

"Now." He shrugged before tossing the marker to Thirteen.

"She's in charge until I get back." And he hobbled out of the room to his office. "What is it that's so important?" He deadpanned. I sighed before turning to him.

"The doctors. They don't know what's wrong with Rosie. She keeps getting worse, and they've basically given up on her." My voice trembled as I spoke.

"Which doctors?"

"Dr. Miller and Dr. Oro." He scoffed.

"Well, no wonder you're getting nowhere. They're idiots. Have her case sent to me. I'll figure it out." I exhaled, not realizing that I had been holding my breath on whether he would help or not.

"Thank you House. I-I can’t thank you enough."

"I haven't saved the rugrat yet. Go home, comfort your wife." He waved dismissively as he started back to the other room.

[begitalarcos]

Hey Guys

Wow it's been quite some time. In regards to my last life post (that I don't remember making) but did happen and was very difficult to deal with all the fall out for like... more than a month after.

I'm sorry I left you all with that and then just disappeared again. Things have been weird the last couple months... to put it in simple words... shit sucks

The falling out with my daughter caused a huge rift between several people who (were not involved but still had a very loud opinion about things) and quite a few uncomfortable conversations.

I unfortunately started drinking as a way to deal with not dealing with things (I'm good now but I had about 3 weeks of just being smashed on the regular) and during that time I suffered an awful fall which resulted in me slipping a disc in my back. Possibly 2 of them but I've had such a hard time dealing with doctors lately that no one in the medical field has been particularly helpful. So I've been living off a cocktail of painkillers for almost 2 months now (which I hate), I was going to physio but then my insurance decided not to cover my sessions until I could PROVE I was actually hurt.

Tomorrow I go for an assessment with a new doctor to try and get my insurance to cover treatment again, my MRI isn't even until August of next f*cking year. -_-

Our healthcare system is an absolute joke right now.

On top of being in CONSTANT pain (not being able to sit or lie down for very long either cuz I lose feeling in my legs) my daughters disability/mental health program has decided to just... not help anymore until she gets a new assessment. Even though its been almost 3 years and she's still on a waiting list for an adult psychiatrist.

So the last week or so now everyone is coming back to me to try and fix/smooth things out again (after I was basically pushed out of her life because I was "making shit up" and "didn't actually care" and apparently was just being a control freak) and no one has apologized for the way they treated me or forced me out of helping my own kid. Nope. They just expect that now that she has no financial coverage that I should be the one to speak for her again cause they have no idea what to do. -_-

My husband has been solid thankfully, even though his relationship with Sassy has suffered so much because of the people around her who have influenced her... not always for the better. But I at least have maintained a sense of control in a way that's worked for me.

I told everyone who has given me grief for the past couple years about Sassy (including Sassy) that if I am going to advocate for her and get this stuff sorted out that I'm doing it my way, and if I get any push back or flack from anyone - then I'm done. They can figure it out themselves and I wash my hands of it all.

My husband thinks I shouldn't have gotten involved again at all, but I know (and I knew things were gonna blow up eventually) if I don't fix this... its gonna become my problem again anyways.

This past month or so I've had some really good breakthroughs with my therapist about my toxic coping skills, people pleasing and lack of boundaries with family members.

I feel better about things though than I ever have and now that I am standing firm with my boundaries and my convictions its been much easier for me to deal with any gaslighting or potential drama that people have tried to start up with me.

I know this got super long winded and I didn't intend for it to be as rambling and trauma dumpy as it was but - it is good to get things out and clear the air. As I feel like I sort of left an air of weirdness here for quite sometime.

Working on getting back to the things that I enjoy and stop becoming immersed in other peoples drama and things that I can't change.

I've missed you guys and crikey has Tumblr changed since I've been away. But I'm hopeful and I look forward to getting back into fandoms and gif sets and all those things I loved so much again <3

much love to you all

B

[vague-humanoid]

@quasi-normalcy @el-shab-hussein @dirhwangdaseul

A side of the story of Jeffrey Epstein’s creation and maintenance of a pedophilia ring and sex trafficking operation among the wealthiest, most famous, and most powerful Americans seems to have been forgotten. This is the fact that he was constantly surrounded with notable and influential members of the scientific community. 

One scientist, who remained anonymous, told Slate about lavish parties Epstein would host at his Upper East Side apartment. These parties often mixed the scientists with individuals from the world of high fashion, including many young models. “Sometimes he’d turn to his left and ask some science-y questions,” claimed the anonymous scientist, “Then he’d turn to his right and ask the model to show him her portfolio.” 

Epstein hosted this particular party in 2010, after he had been convicted for soliciting prostitution from a minor. In attendance was John Brockman, a literary agent who has represented Daniel Dennett, Richard Dawkins, and Jared Kahneman, among other scientists turned authors. According to Slate: “At one point, a young female staffer stepped into the room to give Epstein a massage, rubbing his neck as he talked and listened.” “I have only two interests,” Epstein once said to a long time friend, “Science and pussy.” Indeed, when Epstein convened a meeting of 21 physicists on his private island in 2006, he “was always followed by a group of something like three or four young women,” according to one participant.

One of the physicists in attendance was none other than Stephen Hawking, who rode in a submarine specially modified by Epstein for Hawking. According to Epstein’s LinkedIn, Hawking is among the many “well known luminaries” Epstein financially contributed to in his role as a “science philanthropist.” Keep in mind that many of the legal documents produced in the course of Epstein’s trials alleged that photos of naked girls decorated the walls of his property. Professor Lawrence Krauss of Arizona State University, who organized the conference, has said that it, “wouldn’t have happened if Epstein hadn’t funded it” and that Epstein supported “some of the work at my institute.” Krauss remained close with Epstein during and after he was sentenced to prison for his pedophilia. “As a scientist,” Krauss told the Daily Beast in 2011, “I always judge things on empirical evidence and he always has women ages 19 to 23 around him, but I’ve never seen anything else, so as a scientist, my presumption is that whatever the problems were I would believe him over other people.”

Alan Dershowitz, a member of the legal team which helped negotiate a “non-prosecution agreement” to rescue Epstein from prison in 2008, alleges that Epstein once steered a lunch conversation between the two of them toward the issue of improving human genetics. Dershowitz claims he was appalled due to the similarity of what Epstein was proposing to Nazi rhetoric used to justify the Holocaust. Apparently it didn’t offend Dershowitz too much, as the two continued to work together. In fact, Dershowitz was named in court documents as one of the many men who participated in the rape of girls trapped by Epstein on Little St. James.

Epstein’s embrace of transhumanism and eugenics was also overtly Malthusian. Cognitive psychologist Steven Pinker claims that while at a Harvard meetup of scientists Epstein was critical of projects meant to promote healthcare or feed the hungry, warning that this would lead to overpopulation. The fear of “overpopulation” has a long history among bourgeois eugencistists and is rooted in the logic of imperialism. 

[bogkeep]

for Months i have been stressing over stupid Bureaucracy Regret -

when i started school in sweden i figured i need to notify the system that i'm living there, so i did, and i acquired a swedish ID and all that jazz.

for two years this has seemed mostly superfluous - i think maybe it's been useful to get a proof of student ID because they don't give you those at school and you need to download an app that fills your inbox with advertisements and i hate it so bad - but this year i ran into trouble when i found out that Living Outside Of Norway is a bit problematic for Ongoing Medical Assessment In Norway (that i started over a year before moving to sweden). like it's fine as long as i DON'T get a job in sweden and DO get my student loans from norway, but they can't cover my travel cost to the hospital and getting my T gel prescription was a pain (and i can only get it in norwegian pharmacies unless i get a swedish doctor to sign off on a prescription in sweden), and i can't access most of the services in the healthcare portal or contact my GP without calling her clinic. so all of this is confusing and frustrating, right, and nobody at the gender clinic had any clue about any of this (despite telling me they have had patient studying abroad before) so they were gonna have a social worker who's supposed to have a clue call me to figure out a solution. turns out they had only a little more clue but not as many answers as i'd hoped, and together we came to the conclusion that i'll just change my legal address back to norway and things will be smooth sailing again. apparently most students going temporarily abroad just change their c/o address and not their legal permanent address and i did not know this! none of my fellow norwegian students seem to have done the same process as i so i'm just ignorant i guess!!!

AS IT TURNS OUT you can't just "move back to norway" that easily, WHICH MAKES SENSE I GUESS, so i decide to call the folk register directly to find out how and why and when, and even if i do have a home in norway i can't actually "move back" until i can prove i have reason to stay there for the next six months, which i'm not, because i'm studying in sweden. the service worker on the phone was very apologetic and told me i should've called before i registered moving so that i could've Known the Consequences, but i couldn't have known i needed to do that, AND it's a pain to call them through limited phone times and long queues. so basically i've been going through the five stages of grief and decided i'll just have to eat the travel costs (which has an extra element of frustration because i could've made it all just a little bit cheaper for myself if i had waited a couple more days at the time and coordinated better but DONE IS DONE, I'm already lucky somw acquaintances let me crash at their place and i didn't have to book a hotel) and deal with the frustrations as best i can before i move back to norway next year anyway. like it sucks but i will deal and i can't change the past and i did my best ET CETERA.

and then last week the office lady at school sent us an email that the powers that be now require all students to have a swedish id so if we don't have that already we need to get on that. so uh

after all that frustration and regret. i was gonna have to do all that anyway. now i'm watching my fellow norwegian students struggling with the paperwork runs while i don't have to do a single thing

nice ok

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: For Profit Healthcare and Me

So remember how Peacehealth drove all the independent offices in four specialties out of business, thus forcing everyone to use their clinic, then closed those clinics to force everyone to go to their central clinic two counties to the south? And remember how both the Doctors who were running that clinic made a deal to operate out of a clinic a regional medical conglomerate was opening near the hospital? so instead of me spending all day on a sixty mile each way trek for my treatment I was using the last three months of skeleton crew treatment at old clinic which ended the last Thursday in September? Remember how they said we could all follow our doctors there?

Yeah, about that.

I've been dutifully calling ever two weeks to see if they were letting people schedule appointments yet. They sent out a letter saying they were open. I stayed up Tuesday to get in sorted. it was a whole drama because the automated maze to get to the scheduler was as much of a hassle as Peacehealth's and prone to dropping calls, forcing one to start from scratch each time. so that was frustrating and tine consuming.

Apparently they have no access to our health records, so it was a start from scratch situation. Me, mentally: Shit! This is going to be HOURS. Only it wasn't for all the wrong reasons. They take Medicare, but not Medicare Advantage. So if I want it covered I have to lose most of my benefits including having Medicaid pay my big Medicare copay. O.o. Or I can pay for expensive treatments myself as uninsured.

I was upset, but I remembered superstar medical social worker lady personally calling around town to talk dentists into taking medicare dental coverage for me thus opening up my small city so that medicare patients can now get root canals and crowns instead of learning to live without chewing.

So I still thought it was salvageable. Problem is she's gone and the woman replacing her is a busy supervisor who likes to call me two hours into my sleep cycle without warning and then gets angry at me for not being charming. Previous lady asked when was best to call and would schedule calls in advance for a time when I was able to be awake and functional. it is a lot easier for me to be charming when I wasn't just ripped out of REM sleep and am now being interrogated about something.

New lady is a supervisor and super busy with supervisor things and is made of no and is snippy. I can not make her understand that not only is a 120 mile round trip over mountain passes dealing with the traffic mess along the highway in the major metropolitan area where I once got caught in a four hour traffic jam and couldn't get off to pee, is an entire exhausting day for me and that plus a treatment would not only mean i could do anything useful that day, but the next day to. She can't grasp how much pain is involved in long car trips or how much treatments take out of me. She keeps hard selling me on this and then calling me resistant and recalcitrant like I'm the one being unreasonable for considering this basically insurmountable at my level of disability.

She did not fight the in town clinic for me. She did not try to argue them around.

Her, repeating a suggestion she has made over and over since the closing announcement: You should just get your GP to do it.

Me, explaining for at least the third time because we have this conversation every time we talk: I asked my GP last spring like you asked. They can't do it. It can't be administered by a GP. They'd need to hire a specialist and build new facilities for compounding and for special storage of medication.

Her: Well just ask you GP to give you a different treatment.

Me: There are no other treatments. I have medications to manage symptoms. These treatments are the cure. There is only one cure.

Her: You are being recalcitrant!

Me: There is literally only one cure. No new ones have been invented since last February. The cure is working. I'm getting better. i will get worse again with only symptom management.

But she kept arguing with me because I was being stubborn about facts being facts. My GP can't pull an entire brand new treatment regimen out of her ass. She would not let it go or let me go and I was exhausted because it was hours past when I would normally be asleep at this point and also what was the point of her hard selling me on demanding the imaginary alternative treatment or the 120 mile trip. I ended up giving and and saying something like, "I have to go now," which I know is rude, but we spent this entire conversation with her neither listing not understanding and basically acting like I was the asshole here.

So I'm fucked and I'm frustrated and angry. I was literally at the point where I was going to get better really quickly if I kept doing treatments, but if we stop now I'll be back to square one with it all to do again if another clinic opens.

And it's all like this because Obama and Biden didn't have the balls to stick to their universal free healthy care guns and decided to adopt the capitalist give away Republican health plan in pursuit of bipartisan buy in they did not get, which anyone paying attention told them they could not get, which Mitch McConnell vowed they'd never get as part of the project to make Obama a one term president at all costs. They burned all their political capital on a bullshit give away to insurance companies when they could have taken the same or less of a hit just giving up a developed country level health care system. No fucked up website needed for sign ups. No red tape or copays or catch 22 shit like I'm dealing with now.

[webtoon-related-tournaments]

FINALS!

Leland is the father of the three male leads

he pit his sons against each other competing for his affection, neglected his wife and youngest son, gaslit and manipulated his eldest sons into repeating the cycle of abuse with their own fiancées and is now trying to publicly humiliate his best friend because he wasn't there in his time of need twenty-five years ago or something

BUCKLE UP THIS MAN IS AWFUL basically he has secretly been in love with his best friend Jack for years now but Jack fell in love with a woman called Leelathae and Leland has never gotten over that. He has also never forgiven Jack for not being there for him at his parents funeral (i don’t remember why Jack wasn’t there but it was probably something to do with Leelathae). He decides to marry a girl called Isolde to make Jack jealous (which doesn’t work because Jack does not return his feelings) who he later becomes abusive towards and keeps in the dark on all future evil plots by placating her with expensive desserts. The evil plot in question is to have his three sons marry Jacks three daughters. When the plan eventually falls apart he literally TORTURES his children. Like he hangs Blaine and Lance upside down in a dungeon over a LAVA PIT and makes them do CHIN-UPS and throws Frederick into a massive PIT and just LEAVES HIM THERE. He eventually frees Blaine and Lance but only so that he can take them to the Pastel Palace which he is planning to INVADE so he can FORCE the princesses to marry his sons AGAINST THEIR WILL.

Yui is the mother of Kousuke and the stepmother of Nol/Yeong-Gi.

well let's see... 1) drugs her own son and refuses him doctor-prescribed healthcare 2) neglects and abuses her stepson 3) threatens to kill her own husband when he's no longer useful to her 4) tried to blackmail the main character and to have her sent away from town for no reason other than liking to play mind games 5) covers for a sex offender and helps him trap more victims 6) threatened her nephew to have him fired and disbarred (well the equivalent for doctors) if he looked too deep into her son's health history and I'm pretty sure I could find a 7 or even an 8 if i looked closer but that will be a good start

Insanely manipulative, to the point of apparently straight up drugging her son for possibly multiple years???!! Constantly lying to her family to turn them against each other. Even with her 'precious' biological son she repeatedly ignores his boundaries and encourages his worst behaviour, apparently seeing him as little more than a puppet she can use to gain power.

[loveallmymoots]

inspired by @mini-wrants's post. check this horrifying shit i did not know about at all out:

7/9: Death due to childbirth

If the death of the policyholder takes place due to pregnancy complications or childbirth, the insurer would not pay the sum assured to the nominee.

can you make the obvious connections here with the rollback of reproductive rights... including letting women bleed out for fear of legal liability for performing an "abortion"? wonder what all the for-profit insurance (health/life etc) have to say about this... i did just find out i have a $3k er visit bill that my insurance paid and will pay nothing for because i hadn't met my deductible yet. helpfully, they said to find a lower one next time. this was the lowest one that was available on the healthcare marketplace. $5900. almost $350 every month. co-pays. does nothing at all because for the 12 hours i was in the er sitting in the hallway because they didn't bother to get me a bed, they billed me $13k for the privilege of... doing some tests i didn't ask for and couldn't really consent to due to being delirious, being berated for my blood clotting "fast" because the nurse didn't bother to take it to the labs who didn't bother to test it in time so she took 9 vials from me and then left because her shift was over mid-sticking and just left them there on the bed, in the hall, where no one noticed for 45 minutes. (she didn't tell me she was leaving btw so no ofc i didn't ask bc why would i think to?) at least they gave me three bags of iv fluid, though of course my mother was irritated at being there (she was the one who took me - to her hospital, without checking whether it was in network (it was) - because she had ignored me for several days until i crawled on the floor to her bedroom, delirious and vomiting, and begged for help. she had previously refused to take me to a minute clinic because "they're not going to do anything". this was my first er visit ever btw and i've never stayed in a hospital before except for when i was born, but i've been in and out of them (visiting) all my life bc my mother worked there for 38 years. apparently this particular hospital, despite being a non-profit, and despite other hospitals in the same network not doing this, is super aggressive with litigation for past due balances and owns its own collection agency. they even garnished the wages of their own workers, one of whom made $16k a year but was now facing $23k of medical debt to the hospital she worked at. garnished her wages at around 25% because she went to the place she worked at for help. even when i told my mom about this she said she knew about it already. but the board members claim they have no idea. we're a major medical hub, btw.

i really liked this part:

That’s especially problematic for people with high-deductible health insurance plans, defined by the IRS as those with deductibles over $1,350 for an individual and over $2,700 for a family. The number of adults with employer-based, high-deductible health insurance nearly tripled from 2007 through 2017, according to a 2018 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Methodist said it is required by insurers to collect copayments and deductibles. That said, the hospital added: “We know some insured patients have high copays and deductibles that place a financial burden on the patient. As a mission-driven organization, we will work with these patients seeking assistance.”

my deductible is $5900. for an individual. nobody ever told me about this. nobody ever told me that was even high, it was the average or even low/lowest among the ones i looked at on the healthcare marketplace, you know, the .gov one. i have no medical problems other than subclinical hypothyroidism (which doesn't even apparently need to be treated) and take lexapro and birth control. and yet!

btw as of this article's publishing (2019) it mentioned we (memphians) had 1/4th of our population living below the poverty line.

hey let's look up the most recent stats on that.

Memphis is currently declining at a rate of -0.89% annually and its population has decreased by -3.48% since the most recent census, which recorded a population of 635,225 in 2020.

The average household income in Memphis is $74,176 with a poverty rate of 23.6%. The median age in Memphis is 34.5 years: 33 years for males, and 36.3 years for females.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Memphis is the poorest city in the United States with a median household income of $32,285, or $37,767 for a family. 17% of families and almost 21% of the population lives below the poverty line, including 30% of people under the age of 18.

The greater Memphis metropolitan area, which includes counties in Arkansas and Mississippi, has an estimated population of 1.33 million, which makes Memphis the second-largest metro area in Tennessee after Nashville. This metropolitan statistical area (MSA) includes the Tennessee counties of Fayette, Tipton, and Shelby, along with the Mississippi counties of Tate, Marshall, DeSoto and Tunica, and Crittenden County, Arkansas. The overall metro area has a higher percentage of white residents and a higher per capita income than the city proper.

interesting little note about white residents there, what's the makeup of memphis again?

According to the most recent ACS, the racial composition of Memphis was:

Black or African American: 64.36%

White: 26.46%

Other race: 3.88%

Two or more races: 3.3%

Asian: 1.65%

Native American: 0.31%

Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander: 0.05%

thanks worldpopulationreview.com! and look at this handy-dandy little guide i found from the university of memphis:

ok sure don't put the title in that's totally not irritating at all tumblr. it's the 2024 memphis poverty fact sheet. now what was this little interesting bit? after it's broken down everything by area, ofc.

including the metro area where most of the white people live, they have 1/3 of the poverty rates of black people in the same area. ok, narrowing it down...

it gets worse. for the county, the rate of poverty for black people is 4x higher than that of whites. and in the city of memphis itself? a solid 3, give or take a 0.04 or so. is it worth mentioning how deeply segregated this city is? we elected our first black mayor of the majority black city...in 1992. he was also corrupt as fuck but interesting how that's not what people mention when they complain about him. he was technically the second black mayor too, because another man served as interim in 1982. our current mayor is black as were the two mayors after herenton, but not from 2016-2024. we're a majority female city too. all of the mayors have been male, only five black since 1982. btw we're the only american city in the top 10 of the most violent cities in the world and consistently number 1 in america. we also apparently have the worst drivers and a lot of other horrible shit but hey, at least we have good water thanks to the natural aquifer. until elon musk decides to use it all to cool his new supercomputer processing shit he's building here, apparently, or until he decides to dump something in it. either one is a very high probability. we're also long overdue for a horrible earthquake.

A high probability of a moderate earthquake in the near future (e.g., a 25-40% probability of a magnitude 6.0 or greater in the next 50 years), and relatively low regional attenuation (in other words, seismic waves do damage over a greater area in this region than for the same magnitude earthquake in the west) lead to significant earthquake hazard in the Memphis metropolitan area. Memphis lies within the New Madrid seismic zone, which is the most seismically active and well-studied region in the Central and Eastern U.S.

50 years, huh? this study was published in 2019, 5 years ago.

btw our rape kit backlog made national news like ten years ago. it's been going on since the 80s. mayor herenton (first elected black mayor up there) deflected all questions about it back in 2009 by saying only rich white people cared about rape and where was the concern for the two little black boys who had drowned in pools?

if you think that sounds cartoonishly implausible, here it is:

He claimed outrage over mis-management at the Memphis Sexual Assault Resource Center is mis-guided among certain members of the council.  He said the outrage is based on pleasing a well-connected demographic rather than true concern.

He contrasted that with what he observed following the drowning deaths of two children in city pools.

"I didn't see any hue and cry and concern about the death of the African American inner-city kids," said the mayor.

do i need to mention the demographics again or is it obvious whom most of the rape victims probably are. now consider how many are actually reported.

worldpopulationreview again here to the rescue!

In the United States, about 43.6% of women and 24.8% of men experienced some form of sexual violence in their lifetime, according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS). About 21.3% of women surveyed reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lives, with 1.2% reporting completed or attempted rape in the 12 months preceding the survey. About 2.6% of men reported experiencing completed or attempted rape at some point in their lives. About 81.3% of female victims and 70.8% of male victims experienced their first completed or attempted rape before the age of 25.

It is important to note that rape is widely unreported, and therefore statistics on rape are not always accurate depictions of the actual number of incidents. However, the #MeToo movement has helped encourage more victims to report their rape and sexual assault incidents. Rape statistics vary from state to state and can be influenced by factors such as demographics, culture, economics, and law enforcement capabilities. Numbers in this article from the FBI's 219 Crime in the U.S. report.

tn's (reported) rape rate is 41.2 ever looked at alaska? theirs is 148.7. arkansas, whom we neighbor so closely that there is literally a west memphis, arkansas (as opposed to memphis, tennessee and yes that is where the west memphis three are from, not here), has the second highest at 77.2 rapes per 100,000 inhabitants. if you look at it versus inhabitants, alaska had 1088 total, arkansas 2331 and tennessee 2813. i guess we'll never know how many were here in memphis because, shocker, that national attention and that cool $1.9 mil we got to investigate it? well not only did they obviously go nowhere but they're actually shutting down our tbi branch, and we already didn't have a forensic science one.

[boricuacherry-blog]

I feel like people who have to add '[insert] - phobic' whenever someone disagrees with something literally has no other way to refute something so they try and make your opinion look like a hate crime. Like, no Lizzo is literally just fat and people are mentioning it. She herself mentions it every second she can. And is always crying over how fat she is... Lizzo literally has a phobia against her own fat. And same thing goes for 'transphobic.' Like can y'all ever come up with an intelligent response or do your whole lives consist of perpetual victimhood? Get a life and you'll realize not everyone's "phobic" of your fat. Like damn. It's like people want to feel like you're fatphobic so they can finally feel special in their lives.

Edit: **PSA (apparently I have to give one)**

*If this post triggers you, please talk to a therapist. I am not a licensed professional, just someone with common sense. If you or someone you know has been deeply triggered by this post, talk to your healthcare provider and see what medicine works right for you. Be aware that not all care will be covered under your insurance.*

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

so I keep learning about The Horrors™️ of American healthcare and I keep hearing Americans talk abt this shit like it’s totally fine and let me tell y’all. It’s not. Apparently and ADHD or Autism test costs like 500$ for you guys? And then when you do get diagnosed you gotta think abt shit like “okay but do I actually need meds?” Bc apparently that’s a financial decision? But it,,, it shouldn’t be right? Right okay bc

I live in Europe, specifically Austria, and this is how healthcare works here: if you have a job you have healthcare. Your employer pays for it. They have to. It’s absolutely illegal and unheard of not to. They do take about 20% out of your pay-check every month to pay for that and other legal things that I don’t quite understand (my dad explained it to me once but I’m 20 so I still don’t get it bc I don’t really have to but every cent they take out benefits me I think so it’s fine).

Now irl this is a lot more complicated but basically, you have public healthcare and private healthcare and then just stuff that’s up to the government (like ambulance rides, I think. Even if you don’t have insurance u don’t pay for that. I know this bc an American friend of mine didn’t and had to go to the hospital and called a cab and when they told me I was like “??? BRO WHY NO AMBULANCE” this is also how I found out that Americans have to pay for ambulance rides. wtf.)

Basically your insurance covers all medical expenses from doctors who are in your network (public practice). This is your GP, hospitals, and pretty much all specialised docs (dentist, internists, cardiologists, etc.). However, the public offices are much busier than the private ones (obvi) so if you’re in a rush, want special treatment, or just be a little fancy you can CHOOSE to pay for private doctors. And even then you can hand in those bills to your insurance and you get part of the money back (abt 30% which you receive abt 4 months after handing the bill in).

If you keep your bills for private care doctors you can hand them in to,,, someone somewhere somehow (idk man) and get a bigger tax return. (bc we don’t calculate our taxes ourselves. it just gets taken out of your pay-check by your employer every month and then at the end of the,,, fiscal year??? I guess?? Idk man idk how shit works — you get any money that was like,,, extra (????) back)

Now you might ask yourself: “phi, why would I pay for doc if I can go to free doc?” Which is an excellent question. Again, for most people it’s about waiting times but there is one field where it just really makes more sense: mental health services. Private practitioners have less clients and more high quality care than public ones because they choose their own funding, which, surprise surprise, is better than public funding.

I will now take you through my own personal journey so you can have a practical example of how good healthcare CAN AND SHOULD BE (keep in mind here I have parents who after messing me up and being terrible but learning their lessen once I became an adult and told them how horrible they were are very supportive of me pursing my mental health)

When I was about to turn 20 I went to my GP and had a conversation with her about how I think I might have ADHD. She asked me about my complaints and agreed there definitely are symptoms indicating it. She wrote me a referral to a Psychiatrist. When I got to my Psychiatrist she tested me and because of the referral she could tell the insurance company that this test was necessary and not elective, meaning insurance payed for it in full and I never even saw that bill.

Now I had a diagnosis all but a week later. I spoke to my parents who agreed to support me in finding private care. My Psychiatrist charges 160€ (insurance returns 48€) per appointment which my mum graciously pays for. I see him once every couple of months to check in on my use of medication and how I’m responding and to see if my dosis needs adjustment. If and when I need a refill, I only have to write him an email. Before he could put me on medication I needed a blood draw and cardiac test, to ensure that I qualified for a stimulant, since they can be harmful in some cases. He wrote me referrals and I went to my GP and a public cardiologist for those tests, which were all free of ANY charge.

I was then cleared to take my meds within a few weeks (cardiologist had a bit of a waiting list). I was prescribed Ritalin and some sleeping pills by my psychiatrist. He gives me the prescriptions and a letter to the insurance company asking them to cover the cost, as I have a diagnosis which he confirmed again in his initial assessment of me. Now that I’ve gotten approved, all I pay for is the prescription, not the actual medication. Which is about 6-7€ for the Ritalin and 4-5€ for the sleeping pills (monthly supply each).

My Therapist is also a private doctor. She charges 120€ per session and I go twice a month, which is 240€ per month. My dad contributes 100€ and my mum contributes 30€, which means I’m down to 110€ per month. Insurance pays 30€ per session (so 60€ per month) so I pay a grand total of 50€ or 25€ per session.

So my medical treatment each month costs me just about 62€ AT MOST (since I don’t always need my sleeping pills refilled).

Now, just for fun, let’s assume my parents don’t support me and I see both my therapist and my psychiatrist in the same month and need both my meds refilled. This would come to just about 304€ (because of insurance deductions).

But you have to consider that I DON’T see my psychiatrist every month, so the more realistic monthly cost would be 187€. And should I decide I can’t pay for that I can still get on a waiting list for public mental health practitioners, in which case the only thing I’d ever need to pay for are the prescription costs for my medication which would still be up to 7€ for the Ritalin and up to 5€ for the sleeping pills putting the grand total at 12€ PER MONTH.

My family and I simply chose the quicker, more efficient option, but no one twisted our arm into paying this amount of money FOR BASIC CARE.

And yes, it’s a lot of bureaucracy (it took me WAY too long to spell that) and paperwork, but I’d much rather that than have to decide between mental well-being or being broke.

So, my conclusion: Cancel America, move to Europe, OR just tell the American People In Charge Men that it is that easy and they really should try a little harder and you citizens shouldn’t settle for the shit you have to put up with right now because wtf

if you wanna cry a little it’s okay lemme know I’ll come sit with you and offer a hug but you can say no if that’s not your thing

anyways love ya

phi

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

I fucking hate the USA. So much.

My mother sent in paperwork weeks ago to the insurance company, stating that they had agreed to keep her covered while she was recovering and laid up from work.

Yesterday, our insurance company suddenly said they never received the paperwork that was faxed directly to them despite the fact that I had witnessed it being done so, and that the insurance was cancelled indefinitely.

Today, my tooth broke horribly and is super sharp and painful, it's scraping my cheek inside until I can't even talk without feeling pain, and I have a bad taste in my mouth from it. I am mid lupus flare, and my migraines are returning as a result. And the most agonizing thing of all is I have suddenly developed a fissure in my lower body and I am in such horrible agony that I cannot use the bathroom without screaming and crying.

And I can get help with none of this. All because the fucking insurance company probably threw aside the faxed documents and ignored them completely, and they're just sitting there in a pile or on a computer and will never be seen.

I am suffering. I am in severe pain in multiple places and it is actually making my life unliveable. I cannot do basic functions (use the bathroom, walk, eat). And there's not a damn thing I can do for this until the insurance company agrees to sign us back on, and there is legit no telling how long it'll be. Last time this happened, it was a full month we had to go without insurance. And apparently that's a short time.

Doctors will not and cannot see me because I am not covered by insurance, and therefore I am not permitted by their practices to be treated since having no insurance is a liability issue. If I managed to find a private practice primary care doctor, and oral surgeon, and rheumatologist, which is basically impossible on all accounts, my family would be shelling out literally hundreds of dollars for just one visit to each one where I'd have to go for even more expensive testing that would be tens of thousands of dollars, and none of it would even including the far more expensive meds that would be thousands of dollars each and I'd need at least 6 prescriptions covered. And my mom currently has to pay off the insane hospital bills and surgery bills and helicopter medivac ride bills, the last of which isn't even covered by insurance despite the fact that it was necessary for her life to be saved. So there is no money for uninsured doctor visits.

American healthcare is a Godsforsaken scam that fucking kills people. I'm not even making that up. Doctors here admit insurance companies exist to scam you out of your money. And it's illegal to not have health insurance. And having no health insurance means no care which means death. If you do have health insurance then it means you're denied care and coverage and limited on where you can go for any appointments and what steps you must take to get an appointment, the steps of which each require increasing copays just to be told you have to find another type of doctor, and pay them a copay for them to say the same thing, and it keeps going until the issue is so bad you wind up in the hospital. If you don't know what you're doing when finding doctors and filling out paperwork and signing documents for things regarding health and treatment, you're scammed out of literally hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Insurance companies are bullshit. They will profit off you, then refuse to benefit you in any way, and then take away all medical resources for stupid reasons without notice, literally leaving you to suffer and die without care.

Fuck the USA.

[demonicintegrity]

Yknow with the fact that everyone my age is like “ah fuck we’re in a recession and the housing market might crash soon” and that General Air, I’ve kinda accepted it might just be a slim chance if I ever have a retirement. Part of it is the career I’m choosing, but part of it is the Everything.

Y’see a normal full time job has you put some money in for your retirement and then they put money into it. And should you be working for them for X years (and the number keeps growing) you can get the partial/full amount of it at age Y (number also fluctuates) and it seems like a lot of my parents generation has/had this. Something they will get if they don’t have it already.

But two problems are now present with the current model of retirement: one being that the money it gives you just isn’t enough to survive anymore. There was no accounting for how the cost of living and inflation would affect how far a dollar can go. So now we see people who had to come out of retirement and work a bit to make up for the difference. And two, how to build your retirement was never really taught in schools. My mother had to tell her coworkers how to maximize their plan in the current job they all have because they just didn’t know and reading legal/economic jargon is just kinda difficult for a lot of people.

Your other option for a/an additional retirement plan is working with someone who can invest your money in a portfolio. Stocks and all that stuff. But as far as I’m concerned that’s fake money earned through wizardry, I have no fuckin clue how the hell that actually does something.

So now say you’re 20/30 something and you wanna try and have a retirement. Your options is actually be able to work full time at a job that offers retirement benefits and actually stick with it for like 20+ years or invest money you don’t have in a portfolio. It’s not new that a lot of places deliberately don’t have you on for full time so they don’t have to pay those benefits. And the only two careers I know of that promise a full retirement in only about 20 years of work is the military and being a cop.

So what do you do? I think the options generally are morbid.

Wait for your parents to die, sue someone and win, or win the lottery.

For me at least, that is the only conceivable way I’ll ever get a large amount of money at once. (And even then, watch most of it go to student loans lmao)

And it’s morbid. Thinking your best bet into have a comfortable to retirement amount of money is your parents dying. And even that is coming from a place of privilege. But I’ve heard it before! Being upset that your parents are dead and it’s stressful planning the funeral but also feeling guilty because that chunk of change feels good to have. It’s morbid and rightfully taboo as shit to acknowledge but getting a significant amount of money when someone dies might actually help you outta a bind.

The second is suing. Americans in particular have a rep for being a lil trigger happy about lawsuits. And I think it’s for two reasons. 1) it’s the only way to truly guarantee someone has to be held accountable and even then it’s a hope and 2) we’ve romanticized getting a lot of money outta it. Because we need it.

Y’know that older but still prevalent joke that “hey if I get hit by a uni bus at least they’ll pay my tuition?” Yeah no they won’t. Not anymore at least. I’ve had several adults working at my college say they won’t, they’ll only cover medical costs from the incident bc it’s happened so much. Apparently you also have much better luck suing the bus company itself than the school. But it is textbook romanticizing a shitty thing because a lot of money would be nice.

Sidenote: maybe if we had a functioning healthcare system that wasn’t driven on profit we wouldn’t have to be entirely reliant on suing someone to have impossible medical debt not kill us

And it’s also because you don’t realize just how slow and expensive the legal process is until you’re in it. And how much of a difference having money to throw at a court case makes. But that’s why settlements outside of court are so so tempting. Again, it’s also a degree of privilege.

So here’s your last option: the lottery. Which is just gambling. It’s 100% gambling and hoping it works. And a 1 or 2 dollar lottery seems relatively low loss on you for a whatever billion win. Whatever that comes out after taxes is still enough to keep you alive the rest of your life provided you don’t blow through it.

(Side thought on the lottery. If the state has like, a lot of money set aside to give to a random lucky person, why not just actually divide it and give it to the people? Or put it towards the roads/a school/whatever program??

The current mega millions jackpot for 10/24 is $114,000,000. $114 million dollars. So that’s not a lot if you split it out to the population, but I still don’t understand why not put that jackpot money into the roads instead of the amount earned with people buying lottery tickets. Idk idk it just feels like the state is dangling money over you head sometimes. Heehoo look at this money that could quite literally save your life come dance for meeee)

So it would seem the only guarantees for getting enough money to live (cuz remember the minimum wage isn’t livable anymore even with full time hours) let alone retire is some combination of privilege and luck. Lucky us.

[bakafox]

So I never heard back from my care coordinator last week and tomorrow I will not only have a new stranger coming into my home to work as caregiver, which already stresses me out to begin with, but it is going to be a caregiver who speaks very little english and my options will be using my phone and google translate or calling the supervisor who never picks up her phone when I call about other things and always goes right to voicemail to act as translator, because apparently if I refuse another caregiver trying to hold out for one I can talk to without translation services needed I will have to try and find a new caregiving service looking for clients.

I have a lot of social anxiety to begin with, and whether it's that or agoraphobia it's already hard for me to have a stranger in my house. Dreading the effort it's going to take to communicate what I need done and how I prefer it done is really ruining my day today already. Like I want to just stop existing rather than have to deal with this tomorrow. I am this close to just risking losing all caregiving allowance to refuse to deal with this, even though I could really use a caregiver! I don't like living in a rubbish bin/disaster zone! I want a clean house and I still am having severe executive dysfunction keeping me from cleaning it and keeping me from planning and prepping real meals.

I just want a caregiver I don't have to use a translation service with or do partial charades with to explain that I don't want them moving my medications, that I want them to use the dishwasher not hand wash my dishes, that I need them to put some things back right where they were if they had to move them to clean, and where I want them to put the laundry and plates and stuff. I want a caregiver I can easily tell 'oh hey that bit of cleaning you're doing is too noisy or too close to me and I'm overstimulated right now can you do the kitchen and living room stuff instead for a while'.

I hate healthcare in this country. Where it's felt I should 'just be grateful' that my medicaid covers help at all even when the guise the help comes in pushes so many of my anxiety buttons that it has me struggling extra hard with my mental illness for days before and after the 'help' arrives. Like I am literally fighting an urge to leave the fucking city and lie about having a family emergency so that I am not here when a probably perfectly nice woman shows up at my door tomorrow because the inability to easily communicate with someone IN MY HOME, the one place I usually feel I have some control over/in, that I am relying on to do shit stresses me out that much.

I am less stressed by having no help than I am by getting the help in certain ways but that doesn't mean I don't deserve the help. This feels like that post about the HLEP where the abled people think they're helping but they're not really helping and in fact may be doing harm.

[anything-but-predictable]

For the past few months my level of anxiety had been sky rocketing high.

Received the result of my cervical biopsy today which thank God came back negative for CA. Apparently, abnormal cell growth was detected during my cervical screening on November last year and my GP referred me to a Gyne specialist for further review and got diagnosed with CIN 3 or high Grade 0 cervical dysplasia which if left untreated can eventually lead to cancer.

Fuck me, I was overwhelmed with fear right at that moment when I was told by my Gyne specialist. God knows how much I am praying na sana even at my late 30s I could still conceive. Right there and then, on my own, I was told that I have to undergo LLETZ (large loop electrical excision) procedure where a large loop wire has to be inserted in the cervix to remove the abnormal cells and I’m not kidding when I tell you that it was bloody painful despite of 4 shots of regional anesthesia. I fainted and literally felt my heart pounding. But if I won’t be able to tolerate the procedure then I will be booked for OR table which I really don’t want as it would make me feel that it’s officially major. I remember biting my lips so hard during the whole procedure. I told the Dr that I wanna do it right away coz there’s no point on delaying if it needs to be done anyway and I just want to get over it. So it was done and the excised specimen was sent to lab for biopsy, which took painstakingly looong.

Three things na iniisip isip ko after that. First, my main concern is kung papaano ko sasabihin sa parents and sister ko if say I have cancer, I feel like I could easily process and accept it than them. It will break their hearts and that I’m not really sure if I can handle. We have lost one of our sister when I was a teenager and I don’t even want to relive what we went through after we lost her. My parent’s just don’t deserve to go through that pain and agony again in their life.

Second is, I feel bad for myself coz I am praying so hard na sana I would still be capable of conceiving in the future, honestly I don’t know when. I try to remind myself na di pwedeng just because I’m kind of desperate to have a baby is kung sino sino na lang. My children cannot choose their father but I can, not that Im saying Im perfect but hell no Im not nor nowhere near that but, I know what I deserve and as well as for my future children. I want to experience motherhood and seeing my children grow up and be a hands-on mum.

Third and last is Im grateful that Im insured, and that healthcare in the UK is free. Like literally you go in the hospital penniless but no worries at all dahil ni pence wala kang babayaran maski chemo, radiation or whatever therapies or even surgery that you have to undergo. How I wish na ganito din tayo sa Pinas. ☹️ Also, Grabe pala yung feeling pag insured ka, I didn’t realize how important it is not until I was almost get diagnose with Cancer. I mean if anything happens, the least among all the worries my family have to think about is money because I’m covered. It’s literally a security blanket considering that I am the 🥖 winner in the family.

I cant help not to overthink during that time. Ikaw ba naman kaya ang nearly diagnose to have CA. Inisip ko na ayoko magalit kay Lord because, as cliché as it sounds, I believed that everything happens for a reason, whatever it may be, hindi man natin maintindihan right at that moment, but eventually along the way, life unfolds itself. And I always tell sa lahat ng prayers ko na kahit ano pa man yun will ni Lord no matter how painful it could be, I know He knows better than I do, kaya dun ako. Let thy will be done. 🙏🏻

Quite a long read but yeah, my heart is full. ✨