#apologies if readmore doesnt work

[coridallasmultipass]

brocal for the ship bingo?

The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)

Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.

Read More to save ppl's dashboards:

I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore

((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))

Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.

Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.

EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:

"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"

Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))

They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.

Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]

I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.

Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?

Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)

They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.

'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i

To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.

So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)

Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]

Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who

Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.

Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))

Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.

The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]

Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?

Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.

Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.

Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.

[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]

Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.

One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.

[meetthegofer]

🫣🐕 for the ask meme!!

I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK THESE... thank you mj o7 these ended up being kinda long [well. the first one was] so its going under a readmore so it doesnt absolutely demolish the dashboard of whoever comes across it

🫣 - Who stumbled the most with their feelings around the other? How much did the other person notice?

this one's fun. i think sniper definitely stumbled more with his feelings, even though for all intents and purposes he was the more confident of the two... when fossey realized her feelings she was pretty resigned to the idea that she wasnt very desirable or at the very least Not His Type, so he didnt really make any moves until she actually had reason to think he might like them back. if not for sniper returning those feelings the crush wouldve probably gone away honestly!

but sniper... though i doubt he was ever too inexperienced with romance/fossey certainly isnt his First love, i think the fact that his feelings kinda snuck up on him is what ended up getting him. usually when he finds himself having those kinds of feelings for someone, its someone hes going to kill [and then probably later be killed By, rinse, respawn, repeat], so hes able to repress it more because they're also an Opponent. but fossey is very much Not a mercenary, in fact he bruises like a peach and he walks around in fucking penny loafers, so hes really quite the opposite of who sniper usually finds... shall we say, chemistry with. because of this, he doesnt really know how to act around them, and as a result in those early days of his crush pre-relationship he probably tried to avoid them more than anything because he didnt wanna make a fool of himself [which, in the sparse interactions they Did have, he was often sure he did (even when it was something almost impossible to notice. like holding the "o" on "good morning" slightly longer than usual)].

fossey noticed the change in behavior but, seeing as they didnt think of themself as ever having a chance in the first place, they didnt register it as "oh hes being awkward because he likes me" and saw it more as "he doesnt wanna see me". they went to apologize after a couple of weeks of this, since they thought theyd Done something, and that was kinda when sniper realized he was being even more stupid by being avoidant and started just. trying to play it cool. basically it was this image [sniper pov]

🐕- Do they have any pets together? If one of them had a pet from before their relationship how well does the pet get along with their partner? Do they have the pets approval or does said pet sit in between them and their partner any time they try to make a move?

considering their living situations [sniper lives out of his camper + fossey has a little apartment for herself], i dont think they have any pets Together, but both of them do love animals very much. i can absolutely see sniper as having some old family dog back home who is miraculously still very alert despite being like 17. idk why thats just the vibes... unsure if he would ever meet fossey but i think it would be quite funny

i dont think fossey would have a pet [they worry about not being responsible enough due to mental health struggles + being so busy with work], but he loooves cats very much... i really like the idea of him feeding any strays that might hang around teufort and theres probably some near the base that have kinda become regulars + they all really like fossey... at first sniper thinks its a bit stupid [hes more of a dog person + hes sure that soldiers raccoons would have Opinions on the matter, plus maybe the cats arent the biggest fan of him] but he sees fossey petting one of the strays one day and hes just like Fuck. i get it now.......

unrelated but i love this video + this ask made me think about it so im tagging it on at the end here. please enjoy weewee as payment for how long this ended up being

[soppingwetguywife]

im just gonna test to see if the readmore thing on this even works lmao

okay!!

im starting to worry that im going to have to start apologizing for every emotional outburst, and i feel guilty and miserable and sick every time i force myself to delete messages and just. act like it never happened.

but i cant say that. because it gets ignored or misunderstood and im scared to speak now because theres such a low threshold for even being acknowledged, i just. i want to ask why we couldnt just. talk. i want so badly just to talk and not be scared im making it even more likely that this just becomes a prolonged lead up to a breakup because i kept forcing my emotions onto someone who doesnt want to hear about them

it doesnt change that i want it to work, and that i want to work on this, on me, because its all true, but it doesnt help when it feels so immediately isolating out of. what i thought was nowhere. nobody to help, just people telling me i shouldnt listen, that im better off, which i dont need when all i want is to have mental health that doesnt spiral every two weeks

[patchdotexe]

........okay i lied im not done spamming your dashes but im done spamming your dashes with crossposted curiouscat questions bc now im thinking about “what WOULD everybody’s gameplay be”

this is assuming an adventure-style game of “multiple stories with different gameplay for each character”, with the stories probably broken up by team sonic heroes-style rather than each individual character-- so like, team sonic, team rose, team dark, etc, but also the oc teams like team horizons, team comeback, and team advance. although in practice it would be more like hero/dark story in sa2 where you pick a team story and then the levels are a mix of each character swapping in and out as the plot demands. sometimes even mid-level, like the amigo system in 06

Team Horizons:

as discussed in one of the cc reposts, Tide’s gameplay is inspired by Riders in her individual stages. she’s focused on “get to the goal” with like, either a time limit or an opponent to deal with depending on level, so it can get a bit SA1 tails-y? when she’s in an “amigo stage” though, like where Kara or Sik would tag out for her, her gameplay is more standard platforming without her EX Gear and she wouldn’t be as combat-focused as Kara. OH RIGHT also she can grind when off her bike so she’d have rail segments as an amigo

Kara meanwhile is kinda werehog-y beat em up style, with like cool combo moves, although. hopefully more fun than unleashed 9____9 her platforming sections would be very acrobatic, and there might actually be some split paths depending on if you decide to take on a fight or decide to just try and Leave. this pretty much stays the same for “amibo” tag-ins. .........amigo. i meant to say amigo. im tired.

Sik is. i mean, he’s Sonic-y? except slower. probably picks up speed and momentum from tricking and being in motion long enough, but even at top speed he’s still not like.. he’s not a speedboy. post-Forces his main attack would be his Hammer Wispon, although different in design from being upgraded (probably by Double) and he’d be able to do hammer jumps with it like Amy from SA1. i feel like his platforming would end up kind of vertical in places because of that while also having plenty of opportunities to build up speed so he’s not like... Unbearable to play in a sonic game

Team Comeback:

Double is literally just Custom Hero from Forces, but... better. less janky. he also may end up with a Variable Wispon like Whisper has in IDW? with some of the fun being deciding which wisp to use for which situation to solve puzzles or tricky platforming or enemy groups or whatever. (character-wise, he prefers Asteroid, so he’d probably default to that in cutscenes unless plot demands otherwise)

sticking with his general idea, Copy is very similar to Double but with some changes-- he doesn’t have a Wispon, so he’d be taking alternate routes. he might just be a tag-in for Double, i dunno? like considering Team Comeback is... four people. vs everyone else’s three.

Aile would be rather tanky, and like Kara he’d have a combat focus although not quite as much and he wouldn’t have the werehog-style combos or anything. his way of navigating stages is to kinda just “if there isn’t a path i should probably make one” BKJFDBGJKB i mean he has.. he has super strength. he can just kinda do whatever. HE’S LIKE THE POWER CHARACTERS IN HEROES EXCEPT WITHOUT THE “EVERYONE IN FORMATION” PART

VENT IS.... Vent is an OP motherfucker so this is gonna be fun. he’d take some cues from Modern Sonic but with a different boost mechanic-- i guess more like the Tension Gauge from Rush, where you gain boost from tricks and defeating enemies, but also lose tension when you take damage. he’d also be really fun in bossfights by literally being able to use their attacks against them, like probably having to “learn” it during the battle before incorporating it into his moveset and turning the tide. both in and outside of bossfights his main attack would be a Gamma / mech stage style lock-on gun

Team Advance:

im not listing cedric because a) he’s jorb’s oc and b) i have no ideas for him

in contrast to Sik, King IS a speedboy. he’d also have an electric shield he gains over time like uh... like Lemon Cookie from Cookie Run i guess? which can take One hit before de-powering, BUT it causes a shockwave when it breaks so it can take out enemies/obstacles. unlike standard lightning shields though it doesn’t attract rings, and having a shield powerup would override his natural one so there won’t be the shockwave when hit. he’d also have sections he can bypass like a laser wisp, except without the wisp because that’s just part of his base powerset. so if he has a “charge”-- probably same meter as his shield, meaning using it would take out his shield-- he can laser. he actually sounds really fun

also i just realized that each team has a teammate that CANNOT survive in water BJKFXDGBJFHGB kara is fire-based, king is lightning-based so he kinda pulls a cole from infamous and like, explodes, and aile is just... aile’s too heavy to swim. HE NEARLY DIES AT THE START OF HIS STORY BECAUSE OF THIS.

Seven, meanwhile, basically has a grappling hook! sort of. her main weapon is like, functionally two swords (inspired by the Nocturne Blades from Sonic Chronicles, except redesigned bc CV Seven has no reason to have actual Nocturne tech unless it’s like, after she meets and befriends Shade) connected by a cord of energy so she can throw one end and itll loop around poles or things like the swingy bits werehog can swing from, and also work similar to Double’s grapple wire thingy. so she’s basically swinging around spidermanning it BKDZJFBDJGBD

[magnoliasandbeardedtooth]

@heeheehoohoobeans

under a readmore cause this got long again haha whoops

disclaimer that this is not a STUDIED theory, just my feelings on the universe, and so its probably not going to encompass every detail. a lot of this game is intentionally very up to interpretation, and this is just mine

personally my feelings on how the head housemaiden describes the wish that keeps sending sif back arent as strong as what I mentioned in the first part of this post. the phrasing "broken, failing, rotting" is used in one of the comics that isat comes from, so it predates who knows how much of the game / story development. theres a chance the phrasing is very specific and intentional, theres also the chance the dev kept it because, frankly, its cool as fuck.

in accordance with this theory, though, heres what I think.

The head housemaiden clearly doesnt actually know whats happening. She doesnt notice anything wrong until the last second, and she has a completely inaccurate idea about why exactly time keeps resetting. None of her lines (that I remember) really serve to directly further the knowledge of the world and how it works. Rather, it seems like her main function is to serve as the skipping record that triggers sif's loop at the end, and to deliver lines that take on a loaded meaning with more context later.

Which is why I dont take her description of "broken, failing, rotting" toooooo literally? None of the other information she gives about the wish is very accurate, so why should that be the one thing thats correct?

What I think is happening with her is that she is very skilled at sensing craft, like how sif can sense a frozen person around the corner, or how Mira can sense everyone in vaugarde unfreezing. Theres the possibility that she can also sense some of the mechanics of the wish, or maybe even the ghosts sif leaves behind.

The wish that sends sif back in time is powered by his desire to stay with his family. The moment he talks to the head housemaiden is the moment that defines the end of their journey, and so is also the moment where he is most desperate to cling to that desire. I believe whats happening is that she can sense the craft that powers the wish begin to come together, can tell what kind of craft it is and what its going to do, draws the conclusion that its happening because the people of dormont did something to corrupt the wish (which we know is inaccurate), and in a panic, apologizes about it to sif. I think she can sense it the "first" time sif gets to her because his desire to stay with his family and the wish to make it happen are there already. He doesnt need to be insane or tortured for it to happen, this whole story takes place because it was already there to begin with.

And like a few of her other lines, the description of "rotting" comes to take on more meaning as sif deteriorates. Its not just a way to describe the fact that somethings wrong with the world anymore. As sif becomes more conflicted, it also describes his whole emotional state, and the inner conflict of wanting to give up on his wish vs his dependence on it to stay with his family.

So to answer "is the 'rotting' the wish or the universe," I think its neither. In my mind, literally, its a misconception the head housemaiden comes to, and figuratively, it's sif's emotional state, which directs the wish.

technically they are both part of the universe, but you know what I mean

edit I didnt remember while writing this whole thing that the line "broken failing rotting" is mentioned in euphrasie's breakdown, which, in the context of this theory, makes its use very intentional

in that case, I think the universe is talking about the wish. not really the mechanics of it, but its fuel, its control panel, sif's desire to be with his family, is broken, failing, rotting

I still believe when euphrasie says it, shes sensing something wrong in general and is trying her best to describe something she cant understand. when the universe says it, its talking about sif

thinking about the relationship between sif and the universe, and related theories / headcanons aka I listened to a song and I need to get these feefees out of me

this is a lot of prelude for something that can be shown with just the video clip, but I want to include all the strings that make up this knot

Its not explicitly stated, but I believe it's pretty clear that whenever sif repeats something three times while hoping for something (sharpening the keyknife, carving in general, praying to the change god statue in dormont), he is performing wish craft.

however, he doesnt repeat anything three times when getting the keyknife. he doesnt even need to pray to get it at all, the change god just gives it to him. they say themselves that they dont care for rituals. they never even take credit for the stat buff, they only take credit for the keyknife

when sif changes how they pray at the change god statue, their method more strongly resembles the ritual to make a wish at the favor tree (picking the one you like best), and as a result the buff gets better. it is the wish craft ritual that is the important part of the prayer to that statue, not the change god

one thing that IS explicitly stated is just how powerful wish craft is for those who know the rituals, and how dangerous it is in the wrong hands. between the disappearance of colors (Im pretty sure that was the result of a wish, I may be misremembering), the disappearance of the country, and the king being nearly successful in freezing all of vaugarde in time, it only takes one wish to take out massive chunks of the world at a time

we know that wish craft is very entwined in the culture of the country (the story written about in the journal is told as a cautionary fairy tale, the rituals themselves are so deeply ingrained in sif that the wish to forget the country did not restrict his memory of the rituals, and he can perform wish craft without even being fully aware he is doing it)

it seems reasonable to me that the reason for the country's disappearance was to hide the existence of wish craft and the rituals to access that power from the rest of the world. considering sif didnt even remember his culture AND had good intentions, and still nearly ended the world, seems like that concern is pretty well founded. however, thats not the important theory Im making this post about

the country has knowledge of wish craft in conjunction with worship of the universe. "the universe leads, we can only follow," "the universe willed it," seems pretty safe to say that sif's Universe is the "entity" that is granting wishes

the way wishes are described, they dont seem like something the universe grants based on who worships it. as long as you know the ritual, you get the wish. everyone is part of the universe, after all, worshiper or not

Admittedly, its a bit of a stretch to say that the universe as a collective force has any sense of empathy for human struggles. but using the change god as an example, as spiteful as they are to sif, and unsympathetic to anything other than a human's role in the concept of change, they still show a great deal of care and favor to mira, someone who loves them. it is possible for a deity to care for those that care about it

sif, despite no longer having access to his culture or why he cares about the universe, still loves the universe, very very deeply, just as much as mira loves change. the change god says that sif's deity will never answer him, but I dont think thats the case

and this is the important headcanon that I am making this post for

sif is performing the rituals, so he gets the wishes, simple as. but I feel strongly that his wishes getting granted in very small but noticeable ways, despite not knowing how or why hes doing it, is the presence of his universe helping him, caring for him, even when he doesnt remember it

the strongest evidence for this, and the basis for this whole thing, is exactly how euphrasie breaks down in act 5

at first I only really noticed when she laughs, it reminded me very much of how the change god, a being who uses sprites of other characters and has done a whole possession, laughed during their encounter. they and euphrasie are the only two that use anything other than "ha," and right after this laugh is when her breakdown pauses and she says the lines

"... Soon you'll be able to go back to your normal lives. Away from battle and strife. Finally, you'll all be able to go home!!!"

which, knowing the end of the game is coming, is incredibly relevant. very deliberate

before this pause, her breakdown seems pretty chaotic. the characters and the player are just coming out of one harrowing experience, and are clearly headed for another. the cohesiveness of this glitchy breakdown amongst a mess of the rest of the world doing the same isnt really high up on the list of priorities. none of the characters notice anything beyond the fact that reality is breaking, not even sif. it just sounds like scary nonsense.

but with the context of euphrasie being possessed to talk to sif, every single one of her lines makes perfect sense

(footage from Zhain Gaming on yt)

the universe is there its talking directly to him, it was there the whole time

the Universe loves Sif so much

[computerram]

dont get me wrong i dont have anything against ppls hcs i dont think u always gotta stick to canon and that anon was an ass but i feel offended that ur talking like only way to be nd is being autistic? pds exist? and as someone diagnosed w/pd: goro is very likely to have one TBH. and srry but he doesnt fit auspec so this feels a little too ableist esp since pds are often demonized & we lack representation too. u guys already have yusuke and futaba, so.

hey man. so i was just gonna ignore this and assume this was made in good faith by someone based on a misunderstanding, cause i dont really like starting arguments about fictional characters and making my followers look at that, but then i read that last line and got really mad. i'm gonna answer this under a cut now.

this is a very entitled message to send me. while i apologise for using autistic and nd interchangably when i just meant asd, you are aware that a person can have both a personality disorder and have autism, correct? for a very long time i was looking to get diagnosed with bpd. i am fully aware personality disorders exist, are demonised, and there is nothing in my posts, that were related to Autism Pride Day, that suggests otherwise. i do not like your implication yusuke and futaba should be 'enough'. i do not like the implication here that i should be looking at primarily outcast or 'unusual' characters for representation when a lot of the time this facet of them is used as a punchline. autism is a spectrum disorder that can show itself in many ways, and something that can make those things hard to notice for nt people is masking - actively hiding or repressing aspects of yourself to conform to a neurotypical point of view. with this in mind, truly any character could be autistic. i see it in goro, a character i relate to in a similar way that you must relate to him if you felt compelled to send me this. would you have sent me this message if i had hc'd akira as autistic? what about ann? sumire? or is it only a problem for goro because you think i'm stepping on your toes by interpretting a character you relate to in a way you don't like? the previous anon was juevenile and intentionally inflametory, and it flopped hard. if this was simply a troll - congrats, you got me. if this was a legitimate message with a pointed attack on my character, i suggest that if you ever feel compelled to send a message like this in the future that you take a step back and realise that youre being a asshole to a real person in their own space over some anime guy who isnt fucking real. thank you

[dodi-li]

i have neither patience nor desire to get into a fight over this but I’ve thought about it too much to leave this be, my apologies for the disturbance.

positivity first, I agree wholeheartedly with the actual point of the post; its a very unsightly thing to let the whole world bear witness to Medrano living in one’s head rent free, and more often than not it takes the form of a very discourse-oriented “virtue signaling”, if you’ll forgive the vulgar word for lack of others. Its a negativity of a particularly nasty sort, and inspires an affliction of mind comparable to waking up with a hangover. I fear I am one of these people.

I have never posted about it, nor spoken openly of it to more then two close friends, but naturally in my likely very compromised opinion, theres nuances to it. on a personal level, i dont really gaf whether or not im wasting my time, what ive come up with is a form of art in its own right, which is all the justification i need to be satisfied. but thats not to say there aren’t other beneficial consequences. for instance, when we as discoursers talk about racism, or religion, or revolution, its more often than not in strictly theoretical terms. as a result, ive found, the then proposed solutions to these things take on an air of armchair isolation, being in the same theoretical terms as were used to frame the problem itself.

but that isnt how it works. these things arent just matters of hypothetical relationships between theoretical factors as part of a thought experiment, they are real physical phenomenon, with material, comprehensible causes and effects. they are, as in this case is Hazbin Hotel, cases that can be studied. turning away completely is certainly easier, and as stated above the other option is rarely much fun, and it is certainly the best way to protect one’s peace. but like it or not you cant be escapist all of the time, youve gotta threaten the bubble now and again. that doesnt mean you have to watch and write commentary on a pair of eight-hour brandon rodgers sketches, but again, that is the case being discussed. well less discussed, moreso shouted by me unprompted from the peanut gallery, but im not done talking.

a concrete example of what i’m talking about is the fact that, in my journey as a writer, this endeavor of mine has represented a monumental milestone in the development of my sense of subtlety and poetry. I shall not bore you with specific details, but it consists of a re-write of the story written with one primary design principle— use everything. every character, every concept, failed or successful must be included. large shifts are obviously allowed, but they must flow naturally out of only the material we currently have. in short, the question i aimed to answer was, what would it take to make this story good? cliché i imagine, i dont talk to very many people about this. obviously, as a creative endeavor, weirdo behavior. im aware. how do you think i feel. but as an exercise, a more heavily structured project in which the main skill being used is problem solving, its just as obviously an extremely rewarding experience.

and outside artistic growth, theres the other obvious consequence of me having to take its dogshit depiction of bigotry and abuse and somehow turn it into something interesting. Again, sparing detail, but in my view, and in the judgement of the two people who know about it, i cooked! more than that, it allowed my personal philosophy around these things to solidify in my mind, and be it real or a trick of bias, i feel smarter for it.

but once again, theres the elephant taking up half the room, the fact that i am in no way of sound mind, and my putting six years on-and-off into this with absolute earnesty is more than a little offputting. hence the readmore up there. sorry. also fuck vivziepop or w e

I hate Hazbin Hotel as much as the next person but every time I've encountered someone who dedicates a whole blog to how much they hate Hazbin, writing posts about how they would have written the plot much better, making redesigns of the characters, etc etc it just feels as insufferable as actual Hazbin fans. You're just as obsessed as the fans, why are you giving it so much of your time.

[gonewiththevoid]

Saw some posts on the dash joking about Arknights being a real game (like a MOBA, a FPS, a fighting game) but I wanted to try and take it a mite seriously. I’ll be theorizing a fighting game because I’m more used to them. Under a read more to spare space.

So I’m thinking a traditional 1v1 fighter, no tagging system. Each side has a health meter, obviously, and the resource bar is the either called a Cost/DP bar or an Arts bar. It’s divided in two equal sections, and for half you get either a super or a Roman Cancel like in Guilty Gear, and for all the bar you get a big cinematic hyper (that isn’t exclusively a finisher like in BlazBlue).

I don’t know if I’d put a burst or a powerup mechanic, but they could be implemented. I’m picturing it at about the “pace” of Guilty Gear or Under Night in Birth: airdashes and decently long combos without being like. BBTAG.

I also don’t think it would need an Arc System Works style “gimmick button” (like Drive in BlazBlue or Unique action in Granblue Versus). Character gimmicks could be covered in other ways. I also don’t think a variant system like the Moon system a la Melty Blood or the recent Mortal Kombats would fit. Still, I think even without these it’d be possible to make a decent amount of fun to play characters.

All that said, considering recent 2D fighting game releases, I’d say the base cast should cover about 16 characters for a good mix of RI personnel and some antagonists. So without further ado, and trying to keep each entry short, I propose the following cast:

1. Amiya, obviously. A Shoto, equally as obviously, but with a focus towards projectiles without going full zoner. Decent at everything but can hold her own against pure zoners and projectile wars. Spirit Burst as a projectile spam super, and Chimera as her hyper; they don’t stun or kill her because that’d be crippling but they have long ending lag.

2. Blaze. A basic but solid Rushdown character. Good normals with the chainsaw and some mixups on her specials. Packs a decent meterless reversal as well. Chainsaw Extension Module as a super; it buffs her chainsaw-based attacks with more range, making her hitboxes really disjointed. Boiling Burst as her hyper, probably.

3. Flamebringer, because he feels like a natural fit. Katana/Iaijutsu character in the vein of Jin Kisaragi or a less teleport-y Yuzuriha. Good pressure and range but weak defense. Could potentially have a stacking mechanic like Johnny’s Mist Finer. Hard execution but worth the effort. Good neutral game too. Definitely uses his second sword for his hyper, Blade Demon.

4. Hoshiguma. Bruiser type. Heavy, slow, and big normals with way shorter combos but good damage anyways. 100% has a command grab. Really good defense too; only sticking point is she’s slow and she could use a bit more horizontal range. Absolutely has a counter super in Thorns. Saw of Strength is her hyper and has deceptively long range on startup.

5. Indra as the obligatory boxer. At least two variations on a dash punch. Definitely has a dodge move with like 3 different followups. Has a rekka sequence. Close ranged as hell but can’t get pushed out once she Gets In. Launcher move is an uppercut. Considering Armorcrusher, probably has guard breaks too. Hyper is Sundered Soul.

6. Gavial. Here to represent Medics and also to be the grappler. This croc WILL Death Roll you as a command grab that takes off 25% of your health. Cane wack special. Has a command grab, an anti-air command grab, a command grab super and hyper. Look I know I’m ignoring gameplay and lore here but nobody else came to mind as the token grappler OR medic.

7. Texas because no way Penguin Logistics isn’t included. Really, really good pressure but apart from her Sword Rain super has little in the way of defense. Okay reach with her sword, but tons of multi hitting moves because not including her summon swords into her moveset would be a crime. Get in, pressure, do combo, and hope you can read the enemy’s reversals.¸

8. Lappland because c’mon. Obligatory dual wielding character. Sword beams for projectiles. Does a little bit of everything, and well at that. Silence probably manifests as preventing the enemy from gaining meter with certain moves. Wolf Spirit as a super. Has a special clash intro and a unique vs theme for Texas.

9. Executor. Literally just the Terminator. Has Naoto Shirogane’s Raid but with super armor and a shotgun. Also has a bullet/ammo system like Eltnum however, so smart use of shotgun blasts is key. Probably also has a shoulder bash with bullshit frame advantage. This means he has conditional midrange and needs to get close otherwise. Hyper is Final Journey.

10. Manticore. Patient character. Gameplan is to abuse tail normals and specials to poke from afar and punish mistakes, and force mistakes or whiffs by placing traps (her energy spikes) that you can also convert into combo. Has Arakune’s Invisibility move for maximum guessing if she decides she wants to Go In. Decent defensive options. Toxic Overload is her hyper.

11. Mayer. Zoner/Summoner, duh. Meebos are a special move, they don’t attack unless another special is used to make them do so. Annoying disjointed and long with her cool robo-arms. Not super combo oriented but god help you in the corner if she sets up. Detonate and Recycle is a super, it summons one Meebo in front of her and then immediately explodes them all.

12. Siege. Complete gorilla. No thoughts, head empty gameplay. Simple close and midrange moveset, a reversal, a dash attack (probably with projectile invincibility), maybe a rekka or a command grab. No projectile though. Play neutral focused, catch mistakes, or go in: she can do it all and still get good damage. Vs theme for her and Indra.

13. Cuora. Stance character. Either in the Field Stance or Batting Stance. Field is her base state; okay normals with the bat, a counter, a baseball dive for a low dash attack, but otherwise a little subpar. Batting Stance makes nearly immobile but allows for bonkers damage if played right or especially in the corner. Hyper is literally just Chie’s Instant Kill but baseball flavored.

14. Kroos. Semi-joke character. Annoying zoner piece of shit. Has both straight crossbow shots and angled falling shots, as well as ricochet trickshots. Has an invincible movement option to both get the hell out and reposition herself. Low damage and short combos however; you gotta be willing to commit to the long game.

15. Crownslayer. Chipp Zanuff. Every ninja character ever. Low damage but good pokes. Teleports based on screen position. Dies to a stiff breeze. Can try to rush you down or abuse mobility options (of which she has many) until you make mistakes and then capitalizes on them. This is her only opportunity to ever be taken seriously.

16. FrostNova. Full zoning. Ice shards. Ice spikes. Advancing ground ice shards. The whole works. Moving is for suckers. She keeps the chapter 6 chilled and frozen mechanic on her strong specials. Of course, she has like -2 defensive abilities to compensate her avalanche of projectiles. Definitely has an ice-storm super. Vs theme for her and Amiya.

And of course:

Talulah. Absolute bullshit SNK boss. Huge and fast sword normals. Huge and chip-heavy fire specials. Gains meter passively or some bullshit. Probably has a teleport for some reason. Unplayable.

Any criticism or commentary welcome, this is super unfiltered and raw.

[beepathan]

i had to stop myself from opening up an excel spreadsheet to make sense of the mess i made. and im honestly still tempted to do so. but anyway here are mine :^3

i changed Meh and Dislike to Funny and Onesided respectively because i couldnt think of any i was really Meh about. and the crsm ships i dislike are because of age gaps

more thoughts about the funny ships and onesided ships under a readmore because im supposed to be studying right now and also because im feeling insane 🙏 apologies in advance

ok in terms of funny ships:

ive actually discussed "onesided" rikai->terra with my sister before and its hilarious. essentially terra thinking that rikai is in love with him and hes SO confident about it that it confuses rikai into thinking... do i love terra? ... and i dont know which would be funnier, if he DID actually end up having feelings for terra, or if he DIDNT.

rikasaru is also something that can be so personal. i enjoy the ship unironically but it can also be hilarious. i dont think either of them would ever stop being in denial about it if they had feelings for each other.

for the purposes of the funny ship, fumiya and iori works platonically or romantically (maybe even onesided fumiya->iori?! so many possibilities). i mean weve seen in canon how willing fumiya is to take advantage of ioris... whole deal. and quite frankly i think theres a lot of comedic potential there.

now, the onesided ships are actually some of my favorites. i love unrequited feelings! 💕 suffer! 💕

in my vision, onesided ohse->rikai and onesided rikai->amahiko exist at the same time and it is PAINFUL! like you can see in canon how much ohse respects rikai and how much rikai respects amahiko (...sometimes) and i just LOVE the added layer of unrequited feelings into that mix. imagine ohse going to amahiko for advice on how to confess to rikai. now imagine rikai going to amahiko for advice on how to confess to... amahiko. now imagine this happens on the same day and now amahiko Knows.

on the other hand, onesided amahiko->terra is kind of already canon and i mostly enjoy it because its a funny dynamic. terras about to step in a puddle and tells amahiko to lay in it so he doesnt get his heels dirty. and amahikos just like.. Yes Terra Anything For You Queen! and lays in the puddle. and then terra steps around the puddle

onesided ohsesaru or rikasaru could go both ways for me honestly. sarus unrequited feelings for rikai or ohse or their unrequited feelings for him... i mean considering how sarukawa is, even if ohse or rikai felt the same, it would essentially be a onesided relationship anyway.

last but not least is saru->iori. childhood best friends to unrequited love *falls on the ground* thats all.

i wont even get STARTED on the chart including their CBs because i will ACTUALLY need a spreadsheet for that. anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

I made, like, a ship chart for Charisma House :3

The one where they're just seven is an edit i did earlier cause some would say shipping them with their CB's would be fucked up (you decide how to interpret) so :P

if u wanna ctto, sure go ahead :>

Curious to know what mine is; then here's it

while Fumiya being 19 and Ohse 21, their age age is not that huge (1 year age gap (2 would either be thin ice or my limit)

[braham-is-bi]

A thing I'm posting on Tumblr purely because it's too big for Discord.

Fallen Hero twostep stuff featuring Sasha and @justcharliebruh 's Kit

(TW mention of blood)

Kit awoke on a strange couch in an unfamiliar apartment to the sound of a *really* annoying alarm. Once they fully registered where they were, panic set in and they rushed upright. Or at least as upright as they could get before the sharp pain in their stomach stopped them.

*Ow. Big mistake.*

They groaned, head flopping back onto the pillow left for them. The tightness of bandages around their torso was familiar as they moved. Well...it seemed whoever owned this apartment didn't want them dead. Nobody would go through the effort of patching them up just to kill them.

...hopefully.

Assured in their momentary safety, Kit inspected what they could of the apartment. A nice t.v., a few plants, an open kitchen, the bedroom door was closed but--

That damned alarm broke their train of thought. Who keeps something like that near their couch of all places? Kit reached a hand to the end table, attempting to silence the cursed thing, and knocked a few pens onto the floor.

...they would have to clean that up.

Turning hurt a little, but the noise need to stop. That was when Kit realized the noise wasn't coming from the table. It was coming from the floor. Kit looked down and saw what may have been the fluffiest cat they've ever seen.

The cat meowed and Kit blinked at it. How did this tiny creature sound exactly like an alarm clock??? Investigation finished, they turned to lay comfortably on the couch again. Only to hear another demanding meow.

"Princess! Leave them be."

A familiar mess of lavender hair and a crooked smile greeted Kit from the bathroom doorway. So this was Sasha's apartment.

He sighed as he walked over to the couch, gently pushing Princess away with his foot before laying the back of his hand on Kit's forehead.

"If you're gonna pull stupid shit," he said as he straightened his posture. "You should probably make sure you can get out of it alive."

"I did. I'm right here on your coach, aren't I?" Kit grinned up at Sasha, trying their best to seem unfazed.

"Only because I saved your stupid ass." Kit's smile was met with a frown. "What the hell were you doing in that part of town anyway?"

It was a moment before Kit responded. "Business."

"Oh is that all." Sasha rolls his eyes and heads into the kitchen. "What an odd business you must be in where gang members take turns beating you up and *stabbing you.* "

Kit watched Sasha pull some things from the fridge and get started on chopping them up. His shoulders were tense and his face was caught in the grumpiest scowl they'd ever seen on him. At least it softened when Princess hopped onto the counter beside him.

"I'm making stew. And you're having some." He left no room for argument as he busied about the kitchen. "You haven't eaten in at least twelve hours and that's not good for a healing body."

*Where did you learn to cook?*

Sasha winced noticeably at the projected thought. "Use your voice. I have a headache."

Oh. That was...weird. Kit had never seen Sasha not want to use telepathy.

"Where did you learn to cook?" They repeated themself aloud this time.

"YouTube videos, mostly." Sasha dumped some vegetable into the pot. "Unlucky for you, I *suck*."

Kit chuckled. "That's what salt is for. Do you have anything to drink?"

Sasha dumped the meat into the pot and then walked over to the fridge.

"Water or...flavored water?"

"Just water then."

Sasha brought Kit the glass, Kit giving a polite smile as they took it. But they noticed something on Sasha's face, squinting slightly.

"Is that...dried blood on your cheek?"

Sasha felt for the spot Kit was talking about and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "How did you manage to get blood on my face while I was carrying you here?"

Kit shrugged and Sasha giggled as he turned back to the kitchen, feeling relieved that Kit had believed that. Sure they might find out that Sasha had left the people attacking Kit in just as bad shape as he had found Kit. And they might find out Sasha was in the area because he was going after the same tech they were stealing for Hollow Ground. But they didn't need to know he panicked at the blood. Or that he had only barely been able to stop himself from gutting one of the men in his anger. And they really didn't need to know he knew they were working with Hollow Ground and that worried him.

They were just casual friends. Barely more than acquaintances. There wasn't any need to get Kit caught up in his stupid concerns.

At least he could mask his worry with cross words and stern expressions.

[paranormal-potatoes]

Here is a sad prompt with the old man, Gherman:

"....You were... My sunshine, My only.. S-sun... Shine, You made me happy... When skies... We-were gray... You'll ne-never.... Know, Dear, How much I loved you...."

*His voice becomes shakier, Tears begin to fall*

"....So please... Oh please don't take.... M-my sunshine away...."

"....Gehrman, Are you....crying?"

okay i swear i meant for this to be angstier but uhh idk, not as much crying, could be more but i need to just post what i have before i overthink and then never do it bc ~anxiety~ also this hasn't been betaed or edited that much so. also ended up longer than i thought so under readmore. also ended up only having like 1 line of the song being said/sang bc i feel weird about including songs in stories unless its like. karaoke or a song playing on the radio

takes place in my time travel au. anyways have this before i chicken out

given im posting this from my phone, i hope the formatting doesnt fuck up.

=====

“...my sunshine, my only sunshine...”

 

“... are you singing?”

 

Taylor startles, spinning around and knocking their Saw Cleaver to the ground, fortunately missing the bottles by the work table.

 

Hm, I should probably move those, it’ll be quite a mess if they break.

 

“Fuck! How are you so quiet? You’re in a wheelchair!”

They’ve been here some time, their mask hanging around their neck instead of pulled up to their nose. A new scar marks their neck, likely a fatal one from its placing.

 

They retrieve their weapon, placing it back on the table.

 

He should probably ask how they’re handling the constant dying.

 

“Were you singing?” he repeats instead.

 

To his amusement, their cheeks immediately redden.

 

Good gods, they need more sunlight, they’re paler than Maria was.

 

They rub the back of their neck, embarrassed.

 

“No? I’m not that good at singing.”

 

And some self-confidence. Are they this nervous in combat?

 

“I was just humming, I’m sorry if–”

 

He interrupts, “Why are you apologizing?”

 

They shrink a bit and he can hear Ludwig lamenting his people skills, already poor before his confinement. He prefers teaching over reassurance.

 

Gehrman tries a different approach.

 

“What can you hear?”

 

They blink, tilting their head to listen, the burnt feather edges of their cap making them even more birdlike.

 

Hm, I wonder if Eileen is still the Hunter of Hunters.

 

“Wind. The fire. Messengers chittering,” they frown, focusing.

 

“And what does Yharnam sound like?”

 

Their expression blanks for a moment.

 

“Before nightfall,” he clarifies.

 

“Um. Dogs, people moving inside their homes. Quiet talking, birds. Water in the canal. Wind, fire crackling. Huntsmen walking around,” they list.

 

He lifts an eyebrow.

 

“Oh,” they realize what he’s getting at. “It’s a lot quieter here. There’s less, uh, life.”

 

“I might prefer quiet over dozens of talking people, but that’s a preference, not–” he gestures around them.

 

“That’s a choice.”

 

Well, this was a choice, too, but not one he knew the extent of.

 

Their expression suggests they’re familiar with choices being taken from them.

 

“Your humming, or singing, isn’t a problem. You’re welcome to continue.”

 

They nod hesitantly.

 

He leaves.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

After that, he hears Taylor humming in the Dream, sometimes singing softly enough he can only catch some of the words.

 

(“...my sunshine, my only sunshine...”)

 

They always turn to humming or simply stop when they notice him.

 

They’ll come looking for him at times, if only to say hello, sometimes asking questions or showing him something they’ve found.

 

He almost starts laughing when they show him a Reiterpallasch and Chikage they recovered from Cainhurst. He’s less amused when they explain they found an unopened summons addressed to them, even less so when they admit they accepted a covenant with the Vileblood Queen.

 

They grudgingly tell him what happened in Cainhurst, about Logarius and the Vileblood slaughter, how the grounds are overrun with bloodlickers and dead women roam the halls.

 

He doesn’t know how to feel about that.

 

Maria’s mother came to the funeral to see her daughter again, refusing to look at any of the hunters. Her cousin, Cole, spent ten minutes glaring at Gehrman, blaming him for his cousin’s death.

 

He doesn’t disagree.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Taylor brings more weapons to show him, ones they found in Yharnam or the dungeons.

 

They’re extremely delighted to show him ones recovered from the dungeons, enamored with the Beast Cutter and Boom Hammer.

 

He shows them a picture of the Whirligig Saw, telling them it was designed by the Powder Kegs, who also made their Rifle Spear and the Boom Hammer.

 

Their eyes glitter in excitement.

 

Perhaps telling them about it was a mistake.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

They find some of Teague’s old writing from before he shortened his name. He would be delighted someone else who rejected gender would take his name.

 

Teagan looks far livelier than when they first arrived.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

He finds himself humming as he puts them back together, stitching their chest closed.

 

A beast didn’t do this. This was done by a knife, someone was careful and deliberate. Someone with experience carved them open.

 

(“H–help...”)

 

He shouldn’t have let himself become this attached. Once the hunt ends, they’ll be gone, forgetting all of this. He and Plain Doll will be alone once more.

 

He keeps humming and putting them back together.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

He finds himself humming the tune again while working on a Saw Cleaver.

 

He’s accepted this isn’t a dream, which leaves him with time travel. Somehow he’s in the past, before the first Blood Moon, before his contract.

 

Before Maria’s suicide and Teague’s death.

 

Before Teagan.

 

He’s sure they had something to do with this. If it were a dream, he’d say Flora was responsible but it isn’t.

 

Are they somewhere in the past? Or did they take his place?

 

No. Why would he have been pushed into the past if they had? So where are they? What happened to them?

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Teague, unsurprisingly, comes to find him, leans against the doorframe in silence.

 

“Still having too realistic dreams?”

 

He doesn’t answer.

 

“Or, uh, are you just not sleeping to avoid them?”

 

“Like you’re one to talk.”

 

Teague and Maria carried the most guilt over the hamlet. Maria threw herself into caring for her patients and Teague tried to run from it for a long time.

 

They all did. Sooner or later, it caught up to them. He hopes they at least found peace in death, but he doubts it.

 

Sometimes he thinks he got lucky, undying as he was. Other times he envies them for finding release from the guilt.

 

He wonders how Teague would react if he told him everything. Probably think he went mad. Perhaps he has. He has no proof anything he remembers happened at all.

 

Even his right leg is back, which keeps taking him by surprise. He keeps expecting pain when he walks for too long but it never comes. His memory isn’t failing him constantly and the world is no longer foggy.

 

It feels like a gift. It feels like a curse.

 

He shouldn’t have gotten so attached to Teagan, he shouldn’t have let them get so attached.

 

He has nothing of the dream but memories, a song he doesn’t even know the words to and the knowledge Teagan likely sacrificed something to give him a sunrise.

 

“... Gehrman, are you crying?” Teague asked.

 

He reaches up and finds tears.

 

“It would seem so.”

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

“No.”

 

Teague snorts.

 

“Yeah, figured. It’s like pulling teeth with you. Between you and Maria, I’m about ready to get Ludwig involved. Let you two get motherhenned.”

 

“I’ll tell him you’re the one who broke his bedroom door.”

 

Teague holds his hands up in surrender, alarmed.

 

“Geez, alright, alright! No need to go that far, damn!”

 

He wipes the tears away.

 

“But, uh, seriously. I’m willing to listen.”

 

“I know. Go to sleep, if I have to wake you up in the morning, I’m using a bucket of water.”

 

“Only if you stop for the night and get some sleep yourself. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your shitty sleeping habits.”

 

He sighs but lays his tools down.

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

“So!” Ludwig claps his hands, grinning brightly. “Someone from the south brought word of a village that had a three day long storm.”

 

Maria’s expression tightens. If he didn’t know what to look for now, Gehrman would have missed it. He kicks himself for missing it last time.

 

“And? Storms can be fucked up,” Teague said, picking at his nails.

 

“They aren’t normally preceded by a light burning through the woods and the waters rising several feet before the storm. It happened a month ago. They’ve requested assistance, the wildlife has turned aggressive and avoids the deep woods.”

 

“What is the village’s name?” Maria looks as she always had, but Gehrman can see the guilt and shame weighing on her now.

 

“Aramore. I thought us five could go investigate.”

 

“No, originally you wanted to take some new Hunters and I vetoed it because they wouldn’t be able to convince you not to adopt twenty children,” Laurence said, amused.

 

Ludwig waves him off.

 

“Bet we’re still coming home with a kid,” Teague jokes.

 

“Don’t jinx us, Amelia’s enough,” Gehrman said.

 

“Yes, my daughter is wonderful,” said Laurence, deliberately ignoring the two’s meaning. “She’d probably like a sibling. Or maybe one of you two will bring home a child.”

 

“Hell no, I’m not having kids ever.”

 

“I can barely tolerate adults, what makes you think I want a child?”

 

Teagan comes to mind. He doesn’t know when they were born or even their birth name but he thinks they would be the only child he’d choose to care for. Although, with his luck, he’d traumatize them more than they already were.

 

He turns his attention back to Ludwig, pushing the thoughts aside. The chances of him being able to find them again are low, especially without a birth year and family name. And even if he could find them again, he wouldn’t be able to do anything. They mentioned a mother once, clearly living and he’s not kidnapping a child.

 

It's pointless to consider.

 

He has nothing from the dream but memories and a song he doesn’t know the words to.

[baalzebufo]

🔫😃 give us them monster au Majima deets I dare you /hj

I'm invested, I wanna know stuff, like; What was the interaction between Kiryu and Majima like after the reveal? How did Haruka find out? Was it because she lives with Kiryu or did Majima tey to keep her oblivious to it as long as he can because no.?

I WANT THE DEETS AND I WANT EM NOW

(ya don't need ta do nothin if ya don't wanna, take yer time, I just wanna show excitement with this :>)

THANK YOU for the interest I am constantly excited to talk about things and will 100% share what deets I have

(Update: this got... WAY longer than I anticipated. So im putting it behind a readmore. sorry for the wall of text I got very passionate suddenly!!)

disclaimer: I have very little solid 'canon' established and 99% of this will be stuff I make up on the spot cause thats just how I do these things

So, in my head this all takes place after the events of the first game- Kiryu's been to jail, gets out, 10 billion yen drama ect. I think it would be peak drama if Majima accidentally let slip during the fight at Shangri-la that he isn't human, he got so hyped up on the idea of a 'fight to the death' with Kiryu (which, lets be honest, was probably a bit of suicidal ideation on his part because he wanted Kiryu to utterly destroy him) that he couldn't control himself and Kiryu gets an eyeful of claws and teeth and horns. But because things are so fucking manic during that point in the game, Kiryu deadass writes it off as a weird hallucination/'this might as well be happening' because he has WAY too much going on.

it's only after the games finished and Kiryu settles down, decides hes going to adopt Haruka and is trying to get his affairs in order when he's like. Holy Shit What Was Up With That.

Majima hasn't shown his face around him since because he becomes convinced Kiryu seeing that means hes going to despise him and/or try to kill him so he crawls into his hole to mope about it and Kiryu has to genuinely jump through hoops trying to find where he is. He was concerned! Eventually he gets in touch with Nishida who is equally worried about his boss (he knows Majima's secret but is sworn not to tell anyone) so he just. quietly tells Kiryu where Majima is living right now and prays it wont come back to bite him in the ass

He goes, Majima initially attempts to be like 'haha you hit your head pretty hard down there-' and write it off like that but Kiryu is nothing if not persistent and eventually he has a little meltdown about it and finally just shows him. Majimas been in a super weird mental state since Shimano died and hes just like, at his breaking point, so he figures 'fuck it, if Kiryu hates me, whatever' at that point

OBVIOUSLY Kiryu doesnt, hes just like. dude are you okay

they have a long ass talk about it and what happened and it all sort of culminates in an awkward love confession because turns out wow you two REALLY care about each other, huh!

Majima also shares that hes only really still in the yakuza because he feels like its the only place he belongs, that a monster like him doesn't deserve anything resembling a normal life. its that conversation that starts him on the path to realizing he's not happy there tbh

Im SEVERELY rambling at this point but. after a lot of emotional catharsis between these two they promise to try to make something work. majima considers leaving the yakuza, and kiryus going to make a home with haruka. and while hes not ready to join them properly, just yet, he's... thinking about it. in the meantime, he's heard some cool stuff about construction as a business, and he's lookin' into it.

they kept it from Haruka for a while, mostly because Majima is super not comfortable showing people. He didnt spend a lot of time around her because he still felt guilty about the kidnapping thing, but eventually Kiryu pushes him to try to apologize properly and make amends. Haruka is obviously suspicious of him but, I think shes got a good judge of character when it comes to if someones being earnest, and its clear Majima wasn't acting of his own volition. (She blackmails him for lots of ice cream as an apology.)

Eventually she picks up on the fact they're hiding *something* because of how like, furtive Majima becomes when he stays with Kiryu and how he's almost never actually around, especially since he loves being the center of attention otherwise. So they brace themselves for it all to come crashing down when they tell her.

It honestly... goes fine. Maybe its just cause she's a kid and was way more willing to believe monsters exist, but it's not quite the 100% world-shaking revelation. It does set them back a bit and there's a lot of convincing that 'not all monsters are evil', but eventually she settles on. 'he's not scary. he's just kind of weird.' and you know what? majima will 100% take that.

(also she thinks its funny how he purrs when you touch his ears a certain way. he's like a big weird puppy.)

okay goddamn this post got long enough as is but. thank you again for the interest I have... so many words in my brain about this. Ideally id love to write a proper fic but im really not great at structured writing like that- it takes a helluva lot of a work compared to just infodumping into a big nightmare post like this. One Day.

I mad appreciate any and all interest though! Like, at its heart this is a hurt/comfort kinda au, and my end-goal is for Majima to realize being a monster doesn't mean he doesn't get to be happy or that he doesn't deserve to be treated like a human. it is vitally important to me that these two old sad men be happy together and build a better life lmao

[la5t-res0rt]

fun fact fucko no one cares that he’s trans, gnc, or autistic. all they care about is that he said someone wasn’t bisexual all because they hate them. thats fucked up no matter who you are. being austistic isn’t an excuse to be an utter dick hole.

alrighty folks strap in because we are in for a long one today

to start off i will begin by saying that i care about the identities of people i like and call friends i care enough to listen and learn from them because they have different perspectives on issues that i as a person who is none of the things that this person is will ever understand

it is important to listen to people and learn from them not just shine a light out of your ass for someone out of a weird place of blind worship thats honestly so cringey but that isnt what this is about this about you and likely others harassing ad sending death threats my friend and comrade betel bitches

i will now be going under a readmore to spare the dashboard

so lets recap what exactly is he being harassed for

as you all are no doubt aware there is a blog called nether receipts where a certain user we shall not name catalogs instances where members of the beetlejuice fandom are harassed correction its a blog where this person catalogs instances where flaws in their character as well as the characters of the people around her are highlighted and critiqued with the occaisional off color remark and threat which i obviously do not approve of who would

anyway following reading some ill-informed and not-so-well-phrased comments from a certain narcissistic user about their sexuality my friend had this to say

this was the post that got them put on this receipts blog which really exists as a source of people for a certain cluster of the beetlebabe fandom to harass and try to drag or cancel 

this is the post that has made people call him biphobic and here is why thats wrong and stupid

you said in your ask that he only is saying that this icky person is not bisexual because there is malice between them and while yes its true that there is malice orion never once said that this person wasnt bisexual

i took the liberty of sifting through the harassment asks he received yesterday because you all love receipts so much i took the liberty of grabbing a few and adding some highlights so you dont miss the important bits

orion never once said this person isnt bisexual he stated that equating doing femme on femme  pornography to bisexuality is a biphobic statement and is in fact a problematic thing to say

there may be crossover between bisexual people and people who do femme on femme but they are far from the same thing doing pornography is a choice you actively make and you do it for compensation however being bisexual is simply part of who you are it is something you dont choose 

although this person would perhaps disagree

and before you come for me this person posted these for the world to see and obviously i have as many receipts as my drive can carry furthermore how does this argument make sense why would you care so much about heterophobia if youre not heterosexual why are you so pressed oh wait is it perhaps

because this person is using the split attraction model for woke points like this screams that this person sees women as sex objects or perhaps this person is comphet and is denying themselves because heteronormativity is so deeply ingrained in their being that they wish to cling to heterosexuality to keep up their squeaky clean white feminist woman persona or maybe theyre just not well informed on lgbt+ issues

editors note the editor is an ace person who considers using the split attraction model is situations like this isnt exactly helpful like i cant stop you from doing it but you shouldnt have to say im a bisexual heteromantic person you can just be a  bisexual woman and keep dating men you dating men doesnt erase your bisexuality saying that you would have sex with a woman but not romantically be involved with them makes the editor think woman = sex object and as a feminist the editor has to say thats fucked up

i will reiterate implying that doing pronography of any kind is equitable to a human sexualty is harmful to bisexual people and if youre like uhhh im bi and i think its okay guess what you do not speak for every single bi person so you should try harder to be compassionate for other peoples level of comfort

in any case statements like these are hurtful to bi people equating voluntary sex work to a sexuality isnt okay and its something that person should maybe address and consider apologizing for but since this person only listens to people in their inner circle and they dont even really listen to them its unlikely that this person will ever make amends for past biphobic tendencies because as everyone has been so quick to point out being bi doesnt excuse biphobia or homophobia or anything of the sort editors note heterophobia is not a legitimate issue im sorry if you feel oppressed for your straightness but really thats a you issue 

here is one more screenshot where my friend basically covers what i have just said as well as reminding the world that the owner of nether receipts is a narcissist 

being a bisexual person does not excuse you from saying biphobic things and there is literally no identifier you can use for yourself that exempts you from criticism for your actions and it doesnt mean that people cant demand that you address the wrongs youve done or said

you dont have to listen you dont have to do anything but dont be surprised if you say something shitty to a group of people and they get mad at you

also all that being said what orion said was not biphobic if anything he is raephobic but lets be honest who isnt ok there thats my one funny haha for you

we have every right to criticize someone who creates simulated cp and shares it with minors in 18+ servers or someone who equated bisexuality to voluntary sex work or someone who accuses people who disagree with them of being fascists or nazis or someone who goes out of their way to repost and edit art in a mocking manner or someone who actively claims to own a fandom like these are all critique worthy behaviors that all come from the same person who never explains their actions never holds themselves accountable for the shit they cause like we as people who share the same space as this person have every write to call bull roar when we see it

it is no secret that i dislike his person and it is also no secret that i will not hesitate to the the opportunity to drag them for being a shitty person whenever the opportunity arises and since their most recent beef with me was about how i was a bad friend i guess i figured this would be a good time to come forward for one of my friends who received dozens of harassment messages and several death threats over his commentary on the actions of this one vile individual

and i am addressing them now if they ever end up reading this or when it is inevitably sent to this person 

if youve got a problem with the way he and i or other antis critique you maybe come out from behind your wall of dipshit cronies and talk to us your damn self i am very sick of having to deal with nasti or morgan or that one minor or suz or that person that runs the rp blog or any of the others in your little hoard im tired of them trying to be slick like we see you we see all of you

all of your simulated cp aside youve said some really shitty things that you could easily amend since youve likely learned more about what it means to be lgbt+ since it is now a community you see yourself being a part of 

part of being human is learning from your past and making a better version of yourself for tomorrow and although i think you are a really awful person i dont think youre above self betterment and self reflection and self awareness 

also you dont seem to care at all when threats are being tossed around by your buddies but no matter how much me or orion or any of the others dislike what you do no person in their right mind would be okay with sending death threats and you shouldnt either you should at the very least extend that courtesy 

anyway

fuck you asker youre full of trash garbage and i hope you have a not so good day like i hope it rains or something invalidate my friends identity and ill yell at clouds

[joshuaorrizonte]

Thomas slouched in the leather seat, staring out the window. Next to him, Drake Draeger, his boyfriend’s father, drove, staring straight ahead, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

He was silent, and hoped that Drake would remain that way, as well. He was mortified, having been caught in Gareth’s bedroom hours after Drake had told him it was time to go home. Gareth has begged him to stay, to climb up the tree outside of Gareth’s bedroom and climb back in the window. Gareth had been so adamant that Thomas felt that he hadn’t had a choice.

Fortunately, Thomas’s parents weren’t home. Dealing with Alexandre would be difficult, and he knew he was eventually going to have to face them, but at least he wouldn’t have to tolerate them that night.

Drake flipped on his turn signal, and Thomas sat up straight, confused and startled. This wasn’t the route Drake usually took him home on. He swallowed hard, debating if he wanted to speak up or not. He chose not to, and watched as Drake made another turn, and pulled into the Sylpheed National Park’s parking lot.

It was pitch dark, and Thomas trusted Drake more than his own parents, but this was unnerving. “Sir?”

Drake inhaled, exhaled, and then said, in his usual mild, gentle manner, “Relax, Tommy. I’m not going to yell at you.”

“That’s... good to know...”

He grinned wryly. “I’m not going to hurt you, either. But I figured my chances of getting you to talk to me are greater when your brother’s not involved, so here we are.” When Thomas didn’t reply, Drake said, “I want to know why you defied me like this. You know the rules. On school nights, you leave no later than eight so that both of you can get your schoolwork done and get in bed at a reasonable hour. It’s-“ He looked at the digital watch on his wrist. “A quarter after ten.” Still, Thomas kept quiet. “I suggest you explain yourself if you want to be allowed in my home past five.”

That threat got his attention. “Gareth asked me to stay,” he answered. “Practically begged me to. I... didn’t want to say no to him when he was so adamant.”

“Why did he want you to stay?”

“I don’t know. When does Gareth ever do anything?”

“You’re not getting away with that, you know.”

Defensively, Thomas said, “It’s the truth, sir. He wouldn’t tell me why. He just said that he really wanted me to stay.”

“He says he really wants you to stay every day, Tommy.”

“He said he’d just die if I didn’t tonight, though.”

Sighing, Drake pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “Thomas. Gareth has a flair for the dramatic. You know this.”

“But tonight was different. He was different.” Thomas slumped down again.

“Stop that. You’re acting like a kid. You’re sixteen years old.”

Insulted, Thomas straightened. “I’m not allowed to get frustrated?”

“You’re not allowed to pout over it.” Drake thought for a moment before speaking again. “How are your grades? Still keeping them up?”

What difference did THAT make? “Of course. Straight A’s, like always.”

Drake seemed to consider this. “You do realize that Alex probably already knows something is off tonight, right?” Wordlessly, Thomas nodded. Guessing that he wasn’t going to get much more out of him, Drake started the car again. “As far as Alex is concerned, you stayed late to get some help with your first aid class and we lost track of time.”

Drake’s words surprised him. “You’re not going to-“

“No. This time. And as long as you’re doing schoolwork and it’s alright with your parents, you may stay until nine from now on. Abuse my kindness in this at your own peril. I won’t hesitate to restrict you to afternoons only.” He glanced at him as he started driving. “And we can all agree that none of us want that, least of all you two. But you’re both on thin ice right now.”

“What do you mean, we’re on thin ice?” Thomas went cold. He couldn’t mean...

“I am almost positive that you both know what I mean and that you don’t want me to answer that,” Drake said flatly, “but suffice it to say that I notice far more than either of you seem to think.”

Thomas swallowed hard at that, but felt compelled to pursue this. “Sir, I- don’t-...”

“Yes? You don’t what?”

“Are you upset with us?”

Drake sighed again. “He’s too young for this,” he replied, keeping his words carefully vague. “That’s my only concern, and I’m willing to overlook it for as long as I believe I can trust you. You came perilously close to breaking that trust tonight. I repeat: abuse my kindness in this at your own peril. I’m ignoring what’s going on against my better judgment. Do NOT make me regret that. The consequences won’t be pleasant for anyone, least of all you and Gareth.”

He was ignoring what’s going on... he knew... “Don’t tell my parents.”

“That was the point of this conversation, yes.”

“No, I mean- I mean that I’m gay.”

Drake glanced at him sharply and pulled over. “Why? Do you believe your safety to be in danger if they knew?”

“No- no. Not physical safety. But they already think that I’m a failure. They’ll make my life hell if they have another reason to think that.”

“Being gay doesn’t make you a failure, Tommy. You’re absolutely not anyway, but that doesn’t even factor into the equation.”

“I... I know.”

“Do you?”

“I think...”

Again, Drake sighed and pulled back onto the road, muttering something about being put in a difficult position. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m absolutely not going to out you to anyone you don’t want to be out to. I think you’re being unfair to your parents in this, but your orientation is none of their business. But know that I’m here if you need an adult to talk to.”

“I-... thanks.”

The rest of the ride home was spent in silence.

A character is stuck in a moving vehicle with someone they would really rather not be with

-why don’t they want to be there? 

-does the other character feel the same?

-what do they talk about, if they do talk?

-focus on body language to convey things not said

[krepkiy]

childe headcanon- tw for: pstd , trauma, anxiety attacks. gets a little descriptive so i’m giving a forewarning and that it gets pretty long-                                          under a readmore just to be safe ouo

I feel like the Abyss really fucked him UP, and he might not realize to the extent of how bad it affected him? Like yeah he knows that it turned him from being kinda carefree kid to a slightly deranged and empty teen ( IN A MATTER OF ‘3 dAYS’ MONTHS ) and that it’s not healthy for anyone to go from 0-100 or that harsh a jump from innocent adolescence to a battle hardened soul. but he almost thinks of it as a challenge he overcame and almost wears it with pride? like “yeah man you’re strong but i fucking survived living in the abyss for months ( albiet with hELP ) and thats when i was 14 and ive only gotten better come at me”

when’s he’s still in the immediate aftermath of escaping he doesn’t believe it. he just thinks its another ‘test’, thinks his minds playing tricks on him, that he’s out safe and happy with his family-- he doesn’t believe it and it takes a LONG time for him to truly accept and know that he did, in fact, make it out. he really is with his family. he IS safe. he constantly has to ask where people are, where they’re going, when they’ll be back ( if he can go with so he doesnt have to be on his own ). acts of unprovoked aggression like fighting wild animals or throwing punches at family members- mostly in defense if startled or touched out of nowhere ( which he denies happening- he’d never hurt his family )( he always apologizes after profusely, definitely in tears ). the family learns very quickly to be careful with him ( because they care so deeply for him ) for a while until he isn’t seemingly always on edge. they know he isn’t trying to attack them because he WANTS to hurt them, but out of whatever happened to him made him so uneasy by every little thing- every noise, every shift of furniture-

anytime he thinks back on those actions he just thinks of them as a child waking from a nightmare and wanting comfort from a parent, not that something was really wrong with him. just a child thrilled by the thought of violence ( a healthy thing, yes, of course )

but he doesnt realize that at times when it’s too dark and/or too quiet he feels paranoid ( he’s back there isn’t here, this whole time his mind had played a trick on him ). he doesnt realize the way his throat feels too tight and finds it hard to breathe. he doesnt notice the way he clings onto anything around him to find some purchase, something to ground him. he doesn’t notice how he instinctively thinks of his parents, of his siblings, something to lighten the internal tug at his chest. he never understands the reason why when he creates beautiful and glowing seacreatures with his Vision ( penguins, dolphins, schools of fish, otters ) that it helps calm him down, eases his body to become relaxed- he just knows it WORKS.

if he has a milder attack at home before he leaves snehznya teucer ( or any of the other siblings ) would probably take notice of something being off with their brother ajax and would give him one of their stuffed animals ( likely a bear ) with a declaration of “to protect you while im not there” or if wanting more subtly to not freak him out or make him upset “i want (insert animals name here) to see the world! take them with you and don’t you dare lose em!”

he doesn’t know what it is until one partially bad episode when he’s shaking so bad, unable to do anything but hold himself. if he’s in a chair when it starts, or if he was in bed comfortable and ready for the night, he ends up on the floor, back against a solid surface ( wall, edge of the bed, back of a desk ) as he struggles.

he can’t seem to focus on making the cute critters ( anything that comes out looks like a monster from the abyss which he can somehow still recall vividly- why is it so clear in his memories the way they looked, they smelled-- ), nothing stays in a solid shape of water for very long. he can’t feel his fingers, his legs, his sight feels hazed and blurred and nothing seems to be in focus no matter how hard he tries. he only feels how scared he is, can only feel how difficult it is to get air in his lungs, can only think of how desperate he wants to call for help- but knows there isn’t anyone around he can ask. in his delirium and shattered state, he thinks to the stuffed animal he kept in a secret compartment ( in a bag? in a shelf? in a locked drawer on his desk? ) and takes it out, hugging it against his chest so tight he half expects the poor thing to be ripped apart and have it’s fluffy insides leak out.

it takes all night for him to become any sort of functional enough to leave his room, and he still looks as awful as he feels as he slowly drags himself from task to task ( refusing to do anything outside of mundane like paperwork or storage rearranging-- “maybe another day comrade but for today i’d rather be here” ). no one makes a comment, whether for their sake or his own, but he’s well aware of how off he must be if people are avoiding him more than usual.

he does not want to experience that again, but he has to figure out what it is first to see if he can do anything about it, but he almost doesnt want to acknowledge whatever it is, almost denying it to make it not real ( he’s not weak- refuses to be weak, this isn’t bothering him, he can handle it on his own )- thinking that if he accepts it that it’ll become worse.

likely does secret investigative work, reading any articles, documents, research, he can find on the body suddenly refusing to co-operate and ‘shutting down’, sudden lack of oxygen, being overtaken by fear--

if he does inquire from someone in specific rather than pieces of paper about the condition- he most likely talks to qiqi about it, asking some vague questions “for a friend”, knowing she was far less likely to tattle to anyone about it.