#apologies for the rant in the tags i am just. so tired.

[evendrierguys]

honestly at this point if your response to a lesbian stating their lack of interest in men is “but what about multigender/genderfluid people???” i’m just going to assume you’re ignorant at best and intentionally sealioning at worst

[it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined]

So it's been an entire week of Wicked-the-Movie-part-the-first being completely unavoidable and I am so.freaking.tired.

And why am I still going on about why I didn't love it? Because it's one of those things that people vaguely know I'm a fan of the show. So they keep asking me what I thought and I'm just overtired enough to still launch into an incoherent explanation of why it didn't work for me.

That explanation is entirely meaningless, because I am really not the intended audience. I never really thought I would be (probably from about the moment they cast Ariana Grande, if we're being honest). And mostly that's because I read the book multiple times 20+ years ago and I've seen the west end production 20+ times since then. I've sidetracked NYC trips to see it on Broadway and to San Francisco to see it at the original workshop theatre and I remain obsessed with the 2007 Broadway cast. I did indeed show up to the opening night screening dressed in pink and green and I have two different types of Chistery plushies sat on my sofa idk??

I'm a.. fan, to all intents and purposes. But I'm too much of a fan to want a new version that doesn't really add anything meaningful to how the show tells the story - part one is an hour longer than the show and yet it moves it further away from the book, if anything. It took me a LONG time to process how the show adapted the book back in 2006 but the show added that goddamn all time great soundtrack dammit. The movie adds pretty much.. nothing of note?

The things that bug me about the movie are not things that would ever occur to the people asking me what I thought it the film, and they're probably irrelevant to other people who consider themselves long term fans. Everyone is a fan in their own way, and that's great. It also means I reserve the right to want the character choices to make sense (they do not make sense. Why is Elphie being treated like a grown adult and not even enrolled at school?? Why is she wearing a version of her Act 2 dress TO THE OZDUST and not only undermining the costume reveal in Defying Gravity but also making the lyrics of Popular MAKE NO SENSE to the point they then ...have to invent the word 'froat' for absolutely no reason? This version of Elphie does not actually even need a makeover. Why are we even here, folks? I'm so confused 😭)

What I wanted was the damn film made fifteen years ago with a lot fewer intense close ups starring... Literally any of the show cast, idk? Idina and Kristen, Julia Murney and Kendra Kasselbaum, Kerry Ellis or Rachel Tucker, idk I have a lot of favourite Elphies?? Actually let's not get started on casting because *sob* Ariana Grande?? really?? And I will yet again be baffled why every other shot of the film was a close up of the actor's face. It's a musical. The songs are designed to be viewed from a distance. As per the show, the cast are very much decades older than the characters they are playing, but unlike the show this then becomes VERY OBVIOUS in close up on a cinema screen. In IMAX it was veering on fucking terrifying at times, and Ariana Grande becomes an abject lesson in how lip filler can go horribly wrong *shudder*

Here's the other thing: I know full well the show creatives were involved in the film as well, so I'm not sitting here complaining about John Chu per se (although I am also complaining about a fair few of his choices to over-egg the existing story). Stephen Schwartz is just as responsible for how the songs sound in the movie. The choices to keep the nonsensical points of the show plot but pad out the runtime to bizarrely now give you time to notice that the plot structure verges on nonsensical. There's a whole clash of sensibilities as to how they approached the work 20+ years ago compared to now, and to what it meant to me back then and now as well.

Yep everyone else loves it. Good for them. I'm just kinda being forced to keep having pointless conversations about why I didn't love it and it's giving me thinky thoughts about what the hell fandom means in that context idk.

[carrieway]

some of u r really weird about mcr5 and dunes

[klanced]

Here is my really boring and incredibly dry argument for #KLANCESWEEP:

There are countless examples of the Voltron showrunners queerbaiting when it comes to Klance. I will leave that argument and discussion to others. Instead, I would like to focus on why/how I believe Klance is the more significant instance of queerbaiting, despite Johnlock's queerbaiting being markedly more famous.

Queerbaiting is when a shows teases/hints at a character(s) being queer, but then never actually follows through on making the character LGBTQ+. Queerbaiting is, above all, a marketing technique; the show dangles the possibility of a queer romance in order to "bait"  a queer/ally audience into watching, and then continues to dangle or drag out the possibility of a same-sex romance in order to keep their audience hooked and continuously profited off. Queerbaiting takes advantage of peoples' hope and optimism, and that's why the betrayal stings so deeply once the queerbaiting is realized.

I argue that one of the major components of queerbaiting is that the show/writers must never explicitly confirm that there will NOT be queer romance. Queerbaiting is only sustained so long as the illusion of possibility persists.

Now, there are plenty of nuances to this.

If a showrunner comes out and explicitly states that there will be no queer representation in the show, this statement alone does not absolve the show of any queerbaiting it previously did. But, it DOES blur the lines for what can reasonably be defined as "actual" versus "willful" queerbaiting and subtext in the show going forward.

okay let me drop the pseudo-academic tone and just put it bluntly. what i'm trying to say is that, if a showrunner explicitly says "NO GAY ROMANCE," but the show's audience continues to insist and read for gay subtext anyway, and then the audience feels betrayed when the show ends with no queer romance --- at a certain point, wouldn't you argue that it's the fans that are actually baiting themselves, and not the show itself? this is what i mean by "willful" subtext.

As early as 2010 (this article/interview was posted the day of the first episode), the Sherlock showrunners explicitly stated that there would be no romantic relationship between Sherlock and Watson. Between 2010 and 2016, the showrunners repeatedly stated in multiple interviews that Johnlock would never happen.

Now, the show Sherlock did have queer subtext; I remember the infamous "You're a couple," line from Irene Adler. I don't blame Johnlock shippers for feeling like they were being teased or cheated or mocked by the show. But the lines of what is/isn't queerbaiting in Sherlock were not clear-cut. Again, a major element of queerbaiting is that the show/writers are being willfully deceptive about what they will actually end up following through on. The show is purposefully preying on the hope of its audience, and so the writers are solely to blame for the audience feeling and being duped. But in Sherlock, you cannot argue that the show pulled a long-con bait and switch on its audience, because the fans knew from the very beginning that Johnlock would never be realized. To a very real extent, I argue Johnlock shippers baited themselves more than the Sherlock writers ever managed.

I don't mean to shit on Johnlock fans, or imply that Johnlock shippers were uniquely stupid or delusion. As a Klance shipper, I am 100% aware that I was drinking nothing but Kool-Aid while Voltron aired. I absolutely baited myself with desperate hope each season. But, in my weak defense, the flames of my Klance delusions were very much flamed by the promises made by the Voltron showrunners, who repeatedly floated the promise of queer representation in the show and spoke about Klance in the same breath. Klancers didn't bait themselves out of thin air; they desperately clung to the rope the Voltron writers threw us, and we were pulled in: hook, line, and sinker.

-

TLDR:

Queerbaiting involves willful deception and deliberate misinformation on the part of a showrunner/show.

If a showrunner encourages a queer ship, or makes vague promises of queer representation, then it reasonable for the show's audience to assume that a queer romance will happen. When a queer romance does not happen, this is clear-cut queerbaiting.

But if a showrunner explicitly states that a show will not have a major queer romance, then the show's audience should reasonably assume that the show will not have the queer ship they favor. If shippers continue to insist that their ship will come to fruition, and continue to pin their hopes on their ship, then the lines between who is actually baiting whom become very blurred.

Johnlock fans knew going into the show that John and Sherlock would never have an explicitly queer relationship. Fans continued to read for subtext, and maintained hope. The lines of queerbaiting become blurred, as it was not entirely clear if the show was actually baiting its shippers, or if fans were the ones baiting themselves.

In contrast, Klance fans were repeatedly encouraged by the showrunners, Netflix's marketing, and to some extent the VAs that Klance was possible (and that queer representation would firmly happen), and so Klance shippers were repeatedly strung along each season, up until the final season when Lance and Allura started dating and the Klance ship was torpedoed once and for all. (Do not talk to me about post-canon Klance, I am willfully defiant.) This is a firmly clear-cut case of queerbaiting.

In summary, Klance is the more textbook case of queerbaiting. It matches all the elements of queerbaiting: there was the willful deception by the showrunners, which encouraged Klance shippers specifically to hang onto the show, allowing Voltron to profit off its Klance audience. It's true that Klance shippers also continuously baited and deluded ourselves; but in our defense, we were following the example and promises set by the show itself.

Submission message: howdy, would like to submit keith and lance from voltron (lmao)

Submission message: BBC Sherlock and Moriarty / BBC Sherlock and John Watson

Additional propaganda: Now Keith and Lance on the other hand was a whole fucking mess that they then shoehorned in an hetero romance to try and "fix it" but by lord it was bad, everything about voltron is so fucking bad

Anyway this is my Klance propaganda : They were actually bait

Klance's queer baiting by the team was the worst!! We had to deal with NETFLIX ALSO GETTING IN ON THE QUEER BAITING!! If you searched up Kkance during the times for season 6-8, the SHOW WOULD POP UP. The directors would make jokes about it being canon, even Lance's VA got in the joke!

Their queer baiting was the worst for anyone who was even looking for an ounce of queer rep in that show. The only queer rep we got was a man who died after not even 5 minutes on screen, and shoehorned in the credit scene of a gay wedding of a character that was neither Keith nor Lance.

I do not know Agatha and Sophie, so I can't argue that klance was bigger bait or not, I just know voltron was mean lmao. the creators said stuff like "lance will be someone's first choice!" (meaning NOT ending up in a relationship with allura bc she very much chose another guy over him) and heavily implying he would be Keith's 1st choice (or a guy in general bc of point number 2). point number 2: they also released official art showing how super cool and diverse the main cast was! race! gender! LGBT - they had shiro (who was......canon gay but that's a whole other can of worms) and lance hold the sign with LGBT on it and then did absolutely nothing with that w lance at all (he hit on allura, so obvi he's not gay, but at least bi or smt) (UNLESS you count the scenes where he's flirty with keith). I just remember going into the last few seasons being like "klance probably won't be happen be honest with yourself there's like no queer kids shows!! but damn like it so could tho!!! because of how much it's been teased both in the show and by showrunners like I can't have no hope with the way the producers talk about it!" lmao I should have had no hope, but i genuinkey believed there was a possibility it could happen. and actually I discovered after the fact that i think one of the writers for the show who was the main advocate for klance (they had a lot of diff writers for eps, which led to lots of character butchering but ANYWAY) left not terribly long into the show I believe bc he didn't like the direction it was moving in and didn't want to be tied to the show anymore. so it's not like fans just made klance up either - it was written into earlier episodes with the hope and plan to continue developing later, and then just nothing ever happened with it besides INTENSE teasing it to keep queer fans around. esp after shiro's relationship was literally only a flashback and then his fiance thing or whatever got blown up before we even got to watch him interact w shiro as we knew him in present time in s7, so I think they kept being like hmmm klance and the stuff about lance being a first choice before s8 to keep ppl around. also esp bc klancers made up such a big portion of the fan base. then they made a horrible szn and ended it w a flashforward to shiro marrying some random background character who maybe had 1 line? I just remember hitting the flashforward and being like uhhhh who is this dude??? but they did that to hit those diversity points wow first gay marriage in a cartoon or smt idk it doesn't count to me really. so anyway voltron in general is queerbait lol but klance is because it started out as a legit possibility and then they said sike! but only maybe sike bc u guys are mad at us burying our guys in s7 so maybe klance could still happen haha okay now we're serious no it's not happening. anyway I think klance is p bad queerbait and a vote for them is a valid vote, not just u liking the ship.

#im sorry but johnlock is a household name in ther queerbait trenches

I don't know much about blaze runner, but this website made me endure Johnlock FOR YEARS, that ship makes me so fucking angry, and it's so much bait, the whole fucking show is just 4 kinds of bait in a trenchcoat trying to pass as something good, and Tumblr(and the rest of the goddamn world) ate it up like a five course meal. So anyway that's why I'm voting Johnlock

[jingler]

Wizard101 Pov: you're scrolling on spiralblr some point around arc 2

0 notes

👀 lail-brighteyes Follow

I'm never going on a field trip again THEY PUT ME IN A FUCKIBG ZOO

🌈 gayrizzleheim Follow

A field trip to a zoo doesn't seem too bad??

👀 lail-brighteyes Follow

No you misheard me. I'm not at the zoo, I'm in the zoo. As in, I'm in one of the cages and people are taking pictures of me.

35 notes

🏡 chillin-like-a-titon Follow

Can there stop being attacks on the spiral for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES????

140.1k notes

✅️ wiz-polls-daily Follow

8,341 notes

🪦 is-malistaire-dead-yet Follow

YES.

🪦 is-malistaire-dead-yet Follow

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

33.2k notes

🌋 spawnofhellhound Follow

Idk if I'm just dumb but I truly don't understand colonization in the spiral. Like you travel through time and space and through the stars and find an entirely different world doing just fine and you say, "that's mine now" ???????

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

spiralblr simplifying and overexageratting other worlds' problems. why am I not surprised.

🐠 luckyhooker Follow

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

NOT WHAT WE'RE CALLED

12.3k notes

⚰️ wolf-deathsinger Follow

stopped by the back of ravenwood for the first time in a while and malorn ashthorn was there still lmao I guess it makes sense for the younger students to be taught there so they don't have to go all the way to nightside but what a flashback

☠️ malice-and-ash Follow

If you think I'm mentally prepared to take on the real world after Ravenswood you got another thing coming. I'm guarding that pit til I die.

⚰️ wolf-deathsinger Follow

ok first of all didnt know you have spiralblr hi second of all does....does ambrose know you're still squatting there teaching the younger students?

☠️ malice-and-ash Follow

Titan knows. I don't think that man leaves his office. I get a sack of gold each month but I think gamma is in charge of finance.

🧙‍♂️ wizardstrong456 Follow

The owl? That's why my student loans got fucked up 🤦‍♂️

🪸 coral-oceanswimmer Follow

ew, what is a specieist doing here

99 notes

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

I am sick and tired of all you pretend activists calling me marleyboner. It's literally a slur. Idc if you think it's funny to shit on worlds you deem ~problematic~ but disrespecting an entire world's name like that is unacceptable.

🪩 spiral-gayte Follow

this you?

👑 amul3twh0re Follow

i love posts where you can see exactly why the op is deactivated

30.4k notes

🦀 underdaseamen Follow

listen i have nothing against wizards visiting celestia but if you do can you please use a mount that makes sense for the area. yall have no idea how terrifying it is when you leave your house with your crab friends and a fucking horse starts swimming toward you.

6 notes

🐷 randolf-spellshine Follow

about to go fight this wizard in the spiral cup ill post the video later

🐷 randolf-spellshine Follow

i got my ass beat bruh im not posting that shit

1,243 notes

🦡 baddestbadger-inavalon Follow

4,371 notes

🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow

Why we should have expected the y**ng w*z*rd destroying Azteca (part 1)

yw crit under the cut

i have to put something here but i do not have the energy to write an entire essay from ladyorielfan23's perspective so imagine a super angry rant here about how problematic the young wizard is omg why would you say that ladyorielfan23 also my apologies for fucking up the lore in the last dashboard simulator i have no idea what this game's plot is

[mktskii]

—Explosive Fixation

part two.

—Synopsis: Bakugou's pride takes a massive hit when he finds himself drawn to someone outside the hero course—the best support course student he’s ever met, and the person who couldn’t care less about him. What starts as begrudging respect (and annoyance) slowly turns into something he can’t ignore. Now, if only his stupid gauntlets would stop breaking long enough for him to figure out how to deal with these frustrating, unfamiliar feelings.

—Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x AFAB + Support Course!Reader.

—Genre: Slow-burn romance, slice-of-life.

—Tags: Enemies-to-lovers, banter, RBF reader, grumpy x grumpier, miscommunication, one-sided crush, support course expertise, Bakugou struggling with feelings, Bakugou crushing on reader so hard, reader is tired of everyone's shit, reader does not take Bakugou serious AT all.

Bakugou finding himself crushing on someone from the support course? The very idea would have Bakugou ready to throw himself into an explosion, especially since you're not even in the hero course. How did this happen? You're just a regular student from the support department, not some flashy hero-in-training. Hell, you don’t even try to impress people! Bakugou's Bakugou—so why, out of all the people, is he suddenly caught up in the fact that he likes you like that?

It all started with his gauntlets, which were, as always, broken after another insane training session. This time, however, Hatsume Mei was busy with a massive backlog of orders. So, when he stormed into the support lab to demand a quick fix, Hatsume just waved him off with a nonchalant “go ask them” and pointed to you, buried under a mountain of tools and gear. You were known in the department, even beyond that. People whispered that you were better than Hatsume herself when it came to making support items, which was already wild because Hatsume was a freakin' genius. But here’s the kicker—you didn’t want the attention. You didn’t care for the praise or even the stress of constant requests for new gear. Okay, fine. Maybe you do a little. And when Bakugou, the most demanding, arrogant student in the entire school, barged into your workspace, his booming voice interrupting your flow, you quite literally did not want to put up with his shit. “Get out.” Your voice was cold, indifferent, and to the point. Bakugou had expected, well, anything else—maybe some stammering or apologies and you dropping everything and fixing his gauntlets like he demanded. But this? Definitely not this complete lack of interest. He was fuming. “Do you know who the hell I am?” he growled.

Your eyes barely flicked up from the blueprint you were studying, annoyance clear in your expression. “Yeah. And I don’t care. Get out of my workspace.”

Needless to say, Bakugou had never been kicked out of anywhere before, and the fact that you banned him from ever asking for your help? Or, more correctly, fixing his stuff? That hit harder than any villain could. When he ranted to Kirishima, expecting him to agree with how crazy you were for doing all that, Kirishima was disappointed in him—actually disappointed for screwing up such a basic request. You? You were the best at what you do, and somehow, Bakugou had managed to ruin his only chance at getting you to fix his gauntlets.

Bakugou, in classic Bakugou fashion, decides to fix his gauntlets himself. He sketched up the mechanics of his gauntlets, so how hard could it be? Turns out, really freaking hard. Not only does he botch the repair, but his malfunctioning gauntlets accidentally explode during class, damaging some of his classmates and earning him the wrath of Aizawa and everyone else. He’s pissed—at himself, at his classmates, and mostly at the fact that he can’t get those damn gauntlets fixed without swallowing his pride and asking you.

The next time he sees you, it’s different. He doesn’t storm into your workspace like last time. He’s gritting his teeth, practically seething, but he still manages to blurt out, “Sorry for bein' an asshole. Fix this… please.” It sounds like the word “please” burns his tongue, but he says it.

You stare at him for a moment, and give him a sharp scoff but take his gauntlets. As you examined them, you muttered curses under your breath about “egotistical hero course jerks” and “time-wasting nonsense.” But, despite your annoyance, you went above and beyond. You reinforced his original design, making it stronger, lighter, and more streamlined for better control. When you handed them back, they didn’t look any different on the outside, but Bakugou could feel the difference the moment he tried them on. They were perfect.

For once, he didn’t have anything to complain about.

That’s when the “crush” began creeping in—though he’d rather die than admit it. Suddenly, he found himself making excuses to come back. His gauntlets were “damaged” again because he never knew just when to stop training. His headphones were “broken” (even though they weren’t). His phone “shattered” for no reason. Every stupid thing he could think of, he brought to you, just to have another interaction.

But the funniest part? You never gave him the satisfaction of a reaction. Your resting bitch face (legendary, by the way) stayed neutral, and your voice remained flat, devoid of excitement. You rolled your eyes, cursed under your breath, and muttered sarcastic comments as you fixed whatever Bakugou brought you. If anyone pissed you off, especially Bakugou, you'd mutter high-pitched imitations of their voice while glaring out of the corner of your eye, making him feel oddly uncertain—like he was the one out of place for once.

He hated it. You were smart. You matched his freakish drive to perfect your craft. And worst of all—you looked too good. Even after explosions from Hatsume’s latest disaster left you covered in soot, your tired, messy look didn’t detract from how attractive you were. It pissed him off.

But here’s the thing—he was still a dick. Despite the fact that he’d come back over and over, pretending his gauntlets needed another fix or inventing some nonsense reason to see you, he would never admit to liking you and, so, he’d go out of his way to piss you off just because, well, he can. So, hell no. He was not falling for some support course student who barely gave him the time of day.

...Right?

That’s what Bakugou kept telling himself, anyway, even as he found himself lingering a bit too long in the lab, watching you work with laser focus, unaware of the chaos happening in his head.

Reblogs and comments are appreciated <3

[phantominzie]

Ranting about TSS

I would like to start by saying, yes, I am fully aware I don't post fandom rants very often (ESPECIALLY SASI). However, I've been feeling rather upset over the fandom and Thomas.

I would also like to mention that in no way is this attacking Thomas or any of his writers, hell, not even the fandom itself. I just need to let all of this out.

You're always totally free to skip over this, I know ts crit isn't everyone's cup of tea <3

To start, I am so just...tired? It's been so frustrating waiting for a finale for four fucking years and getting the bait and switch every time Thomas makes a post about 'upcoming Sanders Sides content!'

I understand taking time to work on something so important to cannon, but four years? I can also give him a little leeway for having some staff issues, but it's almost painful to only keep getting the series we love get downgraded so harshly over the years.

Almost all of the sides have been made so two dimensional. At first they felt so fleshed out, so real, and fandom focused their character on one sole trait (not unforgivable but a bit frustrating). Then, I guess Thomas just picked up on fandom and decided 'yeah! I'll just make them two dimensional too!' That's not what we want. And frankly that's never what we wanted. Occasionally, he'll give us breadcrumbs of character development, or show us a sliver of light to what they once were, but it's never the same.

And frankly, I feel bad for having my hopes so high for the finale. Sure it's been taking four years, but that doesn't mean it will be perfect, hell, it might suck. Of course, I will watch it, but I won't be happy about it. About the lies, about the bait and switch, about the constant merch plugs over actual content, about the four incorrect quotes over working on the finale, about the prioritizing of under five minutes long videos that no one will watch anyways.

I love that Thomas is working on things that make him happy, and I don't think I'll ever stop being happy about that, but he needs to take into heart that without content, merch won't sell anyways.

He made a tweet recently that said that we would be getting the finale in an uncertain number of weeks, but based on the past four years I don't even think it will come out at all. If it does, I swear that if we get a merch plug in the finale I'm going to lose my shit.

I want him to see that fandom can't carry itself, and that if he doesn't have that finale have the actually well done makeup we've been begging for, or have our three dimensional characters back, then he won't have a fandom at all.

I'm almost angry that this is my special interest at this point, I'm so let down by the direction the series is probably headed.

I hope that no one takes this the wrong way, and if people leave death threats in my inbox (which has happened to people posting ts crit; no i'm not joking) then trust that you won't be answered. No one is to tag Thomas on this post, and if Thomas even finds this post then heed the words I've said. This isn't a threat to you, and frankly it never was. What is it is the frustrations of a tired and exasperated fan.

I'm sorry if this has rubbed anyone the wrong way, I apologize if it has. I hope this doesn't make people think I'm becoming some TSS hater, I'm really not. But I'm frustrated, and that's normal

Thank you for reading this all the way through if your here, I love you <3

[silversatin2105]

hi sissy i would like to request scenario for Chifuyu with a S/O who wants to cuddle him but is too shy to initiate thank you so much

Hi

Yeah I can do that and I apologize for the late reply I’ve had a touch of writers block in the form of being stressed out and im only now getting back on track, thank you for the ask and let’s get into it.

Trigger warnings:

.Anxiety

.Depression

.low-self esteem

.Angst before the comfort

“Please hold me even when I am scared ”

Chifuyu X Shy hugged starved reader:

You were going though a lot and were overwhelmed by everything and its true that you and Chifuyu were now dating but you still felt shy around the vice commander of the first division of Toman, not only because they were a biker gang but because he himself was the perfect gentlemen to you, all that attention still overwhelmed you as you were still getting used to going steady with him.

So the idea of asking for a physical connection in the form of a cuddle was in your mind strictly a no go situation, but you couldn’t help it, you yearned for the comfort of his arms, to feel loved and wanted but in your mind you felt like you would only bother him so you held back and bottled up your feelings.

It didn’t take Chifuyu long to notice that you were distant to him, he worried that it was something he did, He felt at a loss as you stopped asking for help with things, you also ghosted him unintentionally as you felt like dealing with this issue on your own and on one fine day in summer he decided enough was enough that he’d ask you what was wrong.

“Y/N I want to ask you something?” Chifuyu asked as you both ate instant yakisoba in a park in Shibuya, as he did you felt your heart jump a thousand steps, you were worried that this was it, that your oddities had finally driven him away and with held back tears you turned to look at him with that false smile you had come accustomed to using around him, the mask you wore around him so to speak.

“Y-yes Chifuyu” you asked as you held your chest with words too hard to speak forming in your mind as the blonde delinquent looked at you with the concerned look in his green eyes.

“I was just wondered … was there anything troubling you ?” Chifuyu asked leaving you with a confused look, it wasn’t a break up he was worried for your wellbeing  and with you being caught off guard your eyes welled with tears as you admitted to him that all wasn’t well, that both school life and home life were leaving you ran dry, you admitted to him that you were too shy to to ask for help as to you this was normal, you’d take the weight of the world and not ask for anything in return.

“Im so sorry…im so sorry Chifuyu…I tired to not let this happen !” yoy spoke out in your spoke out in your tear filled rant as you finally admitted your truth to him, you expected him to blow off your feelings like those in the past did but he didn’t with one swift motion your head was buried into his chest, you felt warmth and love as he stroked your (insert colour) hair, you felt the gentle beat of his heart as he comforted you in your time of need and within no time you were sleeping in his arms for the first time in two months you felt safe to do so, when you woke up he was carrying you back to his bike.

“Hey do you feel any better ?” He asked you as you nodded and buried your head into his back, he spoke is a calm voice on how you were not alone that now things were different, that you had your friends in Toman, granted they were an idiosyncratic bunch but as a whole they protected their own and most importantly he told you that you have him and you could come to him with anything that bothered you.

In that moment you got bold enough to ask for a simple favour.

“Please hold me, even when I am scared”

END SCENE  

Warning:

Please do not remove original tags in Re-blogs, don’t re-post anywhere else or alter the original work.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

I want too ask why do you hate endo systems? Isn’t it just a system caused by no trauma? Why wouldn’t that be valid?/genq/nm

Hi! I'm glad you asked! Long rant ahead ^^'

Just note, I don't hate the people who are endo systems, I hate the idea of it.

DID, and OSDD are trauma based disorders, specifically developing during childhood and can stay throughout your whole life. The only reason someone becomes a system, is because they're forced to, it's a defense mechanism when you're pushed to that breaking point...

It's not fun. I'm being dead serious, it's not fun to be a system. I try to make light of it, but it's not fun. I never got a say in if I shared my body, hell I'm not the original host! I just- I kinda took over one day?

It sucks, dissociation and losing track of the days and everything blurring together sucks, you can blink, literally blink and weeks have gone by. It's a headache when tons are co at once, and they're just as much of a person as me. It's distressing, I question rather not I'm real like... a lot. And the doubt that I'm somehow faking to myself is the worse.

It. Is. A. Disorder.

And endos... what??? You might not remember your trauma, but you can not be a system any other way than development vis childhood trauma. Endos are ableist, claiming they have a disorder but no trauma, they make it seem fun and that's utterly bullshit.

Sometimes I'm grasping at straws, begging for anyone else to front, and sometimes I wish they'd all go away but that isn't fair to them. Because it's their body too.

...Endos are invalid. They might have another disorder, they might actually be traumagenic and just don't remember. But damn it I don't want people claiming to have a trauma based disorder, without trauma.

Thats like saying someone choose to be autistic, that's like saying you develop dyslexia from the air. That's like saying you're depressed without depression, if it was any other disorder, neurodiversity, disability—Others would call bullshit. But the second the disability seems 'quirky,' it's free game???

I am more than glad you asked, and I'm so so sorry if I came off as hostile. I'm not mad at you, you did good, you asked a question and wanted to learn, that's good! /gen

I'm mad at endos. I'm mad at all the endo bullshit.

I'm tired of it.

..however the 'fuck endos' tag does come off as overly aggressive, I apologize for using it and I won't again.

[bookishfeylin]

Feel free to ignore if you're tired of hearing about this, but: your tags about SJM injecting real world morals into her stories and then ignoring them. Suddenly I am entirely clicking with where you are and from what point you're making your commentary. SJM is the one who chose to use modern concepts and buzz words for abuse and PTSD, and she is the one who chose to judge some characters by modern moral concepts but not others. That's what makes it so hard to do the usual analysis of characters, so I just don't. But you, if I understand you, are making your analyses to point out the flaws and holes in HER judgments. To show that SHE made it unbalanced and isn't playing by her own rules.

Yes, this is it exactly. I despise hypocrisy, and Sarah's books are unfortunately the pinnacle of such. The same standards that are used to judge Tamlin and Nesta would also render Feysand and co abusive, but the text (read: Sarah's favoritism) refuses to acknowledge that, doing a disservice to her own themes in the first place.

I also want to apologize in advance for the rant this is going to turn into, because man do I have FEELINGS about this.

Part of the reason the ACOTAR fandom is so toxic is because Mrs. Maas applied real world standards to a fantasy series, creating a conundrum where some characters are allowed to exist in and operate within a fantasy-based morality (like Rhysand, the Inner Circle, and Feyre) whilst others are held up to a stricter, real-world morality and are vehemently critiqued in text for failing to meet the moral standards of our world (Tamlin, Nesta, even Lucien), leaving fans of the latter group of characters to call out the hypocrisy in text for their characters being evaluated by standards that the former aren’t held to whilst fans of the former set of characters happily indulge in such hypocritical writing even while promoting this series as an excellent example of handling of real-world themes like abuse (and yes I did copy and paste this entire paragraph from another post of mine lol).

Some weeks back I saw someone on THAT SIDE of the fandom explain that they hated Tamlin because he abused Feyre (valid!) and pull out a picture of Sarah including the National Domestic Violence Hotline at the end of ACOFAS as evidence that liking him was morally wrong or whatever (I'd reblog the post, but OP is, again, on THAT SIDE of the fandom and sadly has me blocked now :( ).

But that same hotline is the one I've used in my analysis of why RHYSAND is abusive here, here, and here. The same source Sarah includes in these books to make a point about Tamlin being abusive also renders Rhysand abusive. But here's what gets me: The person and others like her who were reblogging that pic of the domestic violence hotline were also whining about people judging Rhysand by real world standards. Yes, I'm serious. For a topic like abuse, one deeply personal to me and many others, Sarah (and her fandom) can't pick and choose what characters to apply real world standards to. Not for something like this.

But we don't even have to use real world standards to call out the hypocrisy in how her characters were written--we can use ACOTAR's own morality as well. Case in point: Nesta's treatment in ACOSF. Locking Nesta up is treated as the right thing to do in ACOSF, but ACOMAF goes OUT OF ITS WAY to show that locking someone up is wrong and is a violation of your personal bodily autonomy, NO MATTER THE REASON. This action is often defended in one of two ways: by stans saying that Nesta was embarrassing Feysand when they needed to be keeping up appearances for the court, or, more commonly, because Nesta was an alcoholic. But neither reply holds water. If Nesta embarrassing Feysand in ACOSF was bad because they needed to keep up appearances as the court rebuilt and prepared for war with the mortal queens and Koschei, then... that justifies Tamlin getting upset with Feyre over the tithe several books earlier. That was his logic for being upset that Feyre gave the water wraith her jewelry, and also his logic for (according to fandom) "stuffing her in dresses"--keeping up appearances for the people and preventing Hybern from finding any weakness to exploit (again, this is according to fandom. In the books, the dresses were chosen by Ianthe but we both know no one pays attention and Tamlin is blamed for everything anyway). So either Tamlin was justified in ACOMAF, or Feysand are wrong. Nesta's alcoholism isn't a good excuse either, because if she were truly an alcoholic, Feysand would've put a healer in the House with her to help her through withdrawal and prevent her from having a seizure and dying, which I'll discuss in more detail in my upcoming post about Nesta. Either way, Feysand's treatment of Nesta was inexcusable by ACOTAR's own rules that say locking people up is bad, and in trying to excuse this some stans accidentally justify Tamlin's behavior in ACOMAF as he had the same excuses.

This also applies to the Inner Circle voting on whether or not to keep Nesta's powers a secret from her--didn't ACOMAF also say that that was bad and controlling on Tamlin's part? Why is Tamlin keeping Feyre's magic a secret abusive and controlling, but the Inner Circle deciding to do the same (even if it failed anyway) is fine?

The hypocrisy that began in ACOMAF in which Tamlin was declared abusive but Rhysand wasn't despite Rhysand... also being abusive spiraled out of control in ACOSF and is ultimately what fractured this fandom, and because of said hypocrisy nothing after ACOTAR 1 is enjoyable for me.

So yes. Beyond ACOTAR 1, I'm forced to evaluate the characters with the real-world morals Sarah decided to randomly include, and in doing so can't help but be faced by this series' own hypocrisy, and I'm hoping my analysis will allow others to see that the hypocrisy ultimately causes it to fold in on itself and destroys its own point.

[epickiya722]

I do not know if it was you, or another blogger that made a character analysis of Gojo that made me like the character and discover more about him through the manga.

While I never read the manga before or watched the anime, I had been exposed to it by my friends and some BNHA bloggers. Back then, I found Gojo to be overhyped (discount Kakashi) while liking the animation(?) style, bit still no interest.

BNHA and its Endeavour Redemption arc in the doing was tiring me to the point that I stopped reading it and manga altogether. For mayne six months or so, until now, at least. I randomly found your blog last week , and it got me a new hyper fixation 😃. You got me to start reading JJK (Megan cos playing also helps).

I bought Number 0 and Number 1 of the mangas. Only to remember midway in Number 0 that Walmart Kakashi will be snapped in two like a Kit Kat🥲. I saw that leak in one of the BNHA blogs, and I didn't mind it back then since I wasn't in the fandom, but Lord, now it sucks.

Anyways, all this long rant to say that I like reading your posts.

Gojo, rest in pain, I guess?

Probably was someone else, I don't write much analysis posts about Gojo. I think once or twice I did, I can't recall. Probably reblogged one though you saw!

I don't know, they're really just two different characters to me. Also... I was never really an active reader or watcher of Naruto like that (just very familiar) so when I first saw Gojo, Kakashi didn't register to me at all.

Like, I did not get similar vibes at all. And it actually annoys me that people will be like "He copied Kakashi's flow"! Kakashi ain't the only white haired, face covering character out there with magical eyes, y'all stop. 😆

Even funnier when, by this point, Gojo has probably been unmasked more than he has been wearing something on his face and switches up what he puts on his face. Kakashi been wearing the same mask for...? Also, didn't it take years for Kakashi's whole face to be shown or something? Took like seven episodes for Gojo to show that face.

**

I always been a fan of Megan's music and then when I found out she was into anime I was like "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAH". She cosplayed as Miruko one Halloween and it made my year. I am a former believer that Miruko would vibe to her music.

Just seeing other Black women being unapologetic fans of anime (or anything) does wonders for me and I hate it when people act as if it's such a foreign idea to understand. Honey, we can have interests, too, like everyone else. It's normal.

**

I always try to be careful about spoilers for anything I'm into. Like, I can talk about a chapter that happened two years ago, but I'll still mark as a spoiler because I know some people don't read Mangas or even if they do haven't caught up to that specific part.

That actually what set me off when Usher cosplayed as Gojo because he literally put "rest in peace, Gojo" or something along those lines and the amount of people who weren't even aware of 236... like bro, come on.

I knew it just had to be a marketing tactic because I know damn well Usher ain't seen JJK a day in his life and how convenient it is he comes out with that cosplay around the time when "Daddy's Home" becomes a fairly popular song used in Gojo's edits. I can't go watching one video on YouTube without hearing that song play when Gojo pops up. And even if he has... WHY WOULD YOU TAG IT LIKE THAT?!

Oh, but Megan definitely doesn't know any of the characters she be cosplaying, alright... okay... 🙄

I'm just going off on a whole tangent here, I apologize for that. I've been sick for like three days and just woke up from a nap. 😅

**

Also, thank you! Glad you enjoy my posts!! Anytime anyone says they like reading my posts, I still get shocked. They're really are just random thoughts I been having and really I'm still learning grasping the characters and story myself. And this is just for any. I don't even for them to get read, let alone for anyone to actually agree with me. I guess because, at the end of the day, I really just needed to throw a thought out there before I lose it or keep rethinking about it over and over.

[spaceacerat]

are these not normal? they were in your tags from this post

Hello! I wasn't sure if you mean blisters, or random moments of pain, so I'll assume both! I tried to separate the sections.

TW: medical neglect, medical abuse from doctors (I think it counts as that anyways, especially under the cut), mentions of skin-based injuries

(I apologize, this ended up turning into a scrambled medical rant because I have a lot of big feelings about how kids/teens/young adults can be completely ignored for even very noticeable signs of disability or issues and grow up suffering for it. I'm also just very tired and feeling weird and am in a ranty mood wanting my pain and suffering to be heard 😭)

BLISTERS:

On the case of blisters, I have little frame of reference for how often normal people blister, but my partners never seem to. Whenever I look into it, normal people apparently blister from shoes being too tight, or hiking or something very strenuous.

If your skin blisters with heat or certain fabrics, from wearing shoes even if they fit, clothing, sleeping, sitting, standing, or walking, or comes off easily from a mild bump into something, it is Not Normal.

My old PCP, when I finally asked him about it, was stunned, and did a biopsy when I had blisters I didn't have to pop. He thinks it's Epidermolysis bullosa simplex, but I can't get an official diagnosis without a genetic test that insurance doesn't cover apparently, and the dermatologist I went to was useless.

I would give advice on how to deal with it if anyone is ever interested, but what works for me probably won't work for everyone.

I don't know how it's supposed to be dealt with according to medical science, and I'm apparently (according to a partners nurse mother) very lucky I haven't gotten an infection. After all, I do it the broke person "here's my value pack of sewing pins and some paper towels" way, not the "I have access to medical resources and specialized sterile needles/bandages" way.

PAIN:

In regards to feeling pain most of the time, I've had one of my partners ask what level of pain I'm usually at, and I shrugged and went "Ehh, most of the time a 1-2, sometimes a pang of 3, a 4-5 if something specific hurts, at worst a 6-9 if somethings wrong like a migraine or whatever." He then wisely told me "You know what level normal people are at most of the time? A zero. Most people aren't in pain unless something is wrong."

I suppose that put things into perspective regarding my health, after years of just dealing with random bouts of sudden health issues I had to deal with usually completely on my own growing up.

(side note, watching something like lord of the rings as a kid, which involved a lot of scenes of them all just walking or running, would make me cringe because "holy shit they must be in so much pain :( they're so brave, and so strong for still walking and running for hours when they surely have blistered by now! I hope they have plenty of sewing needles to pop them when they stop to rest!" because my dumbass couldnt even walk around an amusement park for a day without limping badly and slowly while being told to hurry up by an older sibling, and these guys were walking and running for months on uneven terrain. Still jealous about that >:( )

(more ranting under the cut but about other things I've come to realize weren't normal [AKA specifics about the skin disorder/medical issues] or just makes me mad because suddenly I just feel the need to about my personal medical crap. Maybe someone will see it and see themselves in it. Sorry about that 😅)

in reference of the tag, I meant how I blister. I came out of the womb missing skin, and have always blistered around my body very easily. The docs claimed it was eczema when I was a baby, and they didn't bother looking into it further, but from the few people I have met who have that, they don't show any of my symptoms. Meanwhile I grew up thinking it was completely normal, and that everyone was just walking around in pain and ignoring it better than me.

I can't wear tennis shoes/heels/sandals/flipflops/crocs because the backs always rub my ankles raw and they're too soft so every step they rub around my toes, (or flip-flops would just tear the skin between my toes) but I had to grow up wearing tennis shoes all the time. That meant every night after school I'd come home and have to pop the blisters to drain them before I could sleep. Now I wear flat combat boots with two pairs of socks and it's so much better, but still not perfect, since I can't really walk outside in the summer.

I've blistered from walking, sitting, lying down, being outside in the heat, sweating, sleeping with my thighs touching, all sorts of things. Skin can also come off entirely if I get scratched or bumped into something. One time my leg got stuck at a bent angle because I fell asleep without popping the blister behind my knee, and it dried to the point where I couldn't pull it apart without pain.

Something else about that is that I'm allergic to adhesives and latex. The few times I've 'had' to wear bandaids were hellish, as it would remove the entire top layer of skin with it since it blistered under it. When I had to do an allergy test with the adhesive (dermatologist decided it had to be an allergy, because he's a dumbass), I made them cut them and put them on my arms instead of my back, where they promptly blistered after a few hours and I had to peel them off myself with a leather belt between my teeth to keep from chipping a tooth (because when I say it was incredibly painful, thats a massive understatement).

No one around me cared that I was suddenly having to lean against walls and furniture to get around because my legs wanted to give out from under me due to sudden muscle weakness and a pounding heart/chest pains/dizziness, or the few migraines I got in middle school that made me throw up a few times which weirdly made the migraine go away after enough times doing that. Or my limping from blisters, or the medication side effects that showed up when I started taking antipsychotics.

On note of medication, none of the psychs I went to told me about medication side effects. I was 13 when I started Seroquel (my guess is because they wanted to sedate me because of a whole fiasco, my partners nurse mother was shocked when she found out I was on it at such a young age for what were incredibly mild bipolar 2 symptoms). It caused me to pass out a few times, and I just had to keep taking it despite it actually making my depression/hypomania incredibly bad through the rest of middle and high school, because I wasn't aware I should tell my doctor it was making me worse. Never got bloodwork for it either.

After a while I switched meds, but was still having the worst depressive symptoms and my hypomania got even worse. One of the ones a doc had me try basically short circuited my brain. I had a five second memory if that, was shuffling around leaning against everything trying to stay upright, could barely think or talk outside of slurred words... My family saw this, and just went "You good?" and when I half-muttered a 'yeah' because I couldn't think straight enough to realize I should say no, they just shrugged and asked if I could do the dishes. I shook my head and went back to bed, passing out for 10 hours. Refused to ever take that medication again once I woke up, despite my psych trying to tell me I had to give it at least two weeks to start working properly. Fuck that.

When I show signs that something is wrong and I mention it to someone, and everyone brushes it off, it becomes normalized in the brain. But it's not. Now that I have partners who grew up going to the doctor for their problems, they're horrified, especially when they see me actively struggling with it. I had an episode (sudden muscle weakness/chest pains/pounding heart/dizzy) last month in front of them, and they were seriously debating taking me to a hospital but I kept refusing and saying it would pass because it always did and I wasn't afraid. It did eventually pass after about 7 hours, but not before scaring the shit out of them.

And these were the same signs I showed at work, twice, neither time I went home. I worked as a janitor during one of them, my manager saw but didn't think to do anything. I still managed to clean, but I did lie down and pass out in one of the back offices for a few minutes and just got up and went right back to work because I didn't want to get in trouble.

Also, a shout out to the laundromat I was forced to continue working at when I had covid!! I thought I was dying but they wouldn't let me take work off until I had a positive test, so I was forced to work the place completely alone for 8 hours during the first three days of major symptoms because I was desperate to keep the job and didn't know I could just refuse or call someone!! I mean, have you ever had to wash/dry/fold 200+ pounds of laundry completely alone in one night while every part of you thinks you're dying, and then on top of that having to deal with customers/machine issues, lift heavy trash bags, and clean dusty airvents and the rest of the place aka bathrooms and floors?? It's incredibly awful!! I did my damndest to keep my hands washed to the point where the skin came off a bit on one of my fingers and wearing a mask constantly while trying to keep my distance. Worst three days ever.

[yutasbimil]

Distant

slytherin!jaemin x fem!hufflepuff!reader x gryffindor!beomgyu | txt ft. nct dream ff. ✦ (5/8) [series fic] !!! also posted on my ao3 acc! { here } tags: hurt/comfort cw: friendship/love, bestie-lovers energy, frenemies vibe, friends to lovers, lots of bantering, tutoring, teasing, crushes, confessions, jealousy, tension, slow burn, unrequited love, love triangle, hurt-comfort, eventual smut lol, break up, eventual happy ending, FLUFF!!! ! not that comfy w/ 2nd POV, but hope 3rd POV is good for y'all ♡ word count: 3.6k

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

do not repost © yutasbimil (2024)

It’s already been an eyesore (not at all from crying, swear) for Beomgyu for the couple to be all over each other. But at least in making me jealous, do things right?

“You know, she doesn't like watermelons that much.”

“Oh shit, sorry, bro. Yumi… I didn't know.” Jaemin is frantically looking at Yumi, which raised a brow for Beomgyu, why was he apologizing to me?

If anything he has other things to apologize for… Aish, that's for another day to be petty.

Jaemin just pouts at Yumi, getting her hand. “Really, I can get you fruits you'll like, hmmm?”

“Grapes, berries… any of that kind for that sweet tooth of hers.” Beomgyu asserts, he angrily fumbles to get the fruits.

“Beomgyu, I can speak for myself, you know.” Yumi pouts, mindlessly drawing the forked fruit by Jaemin’s mouth.

Jaemin attempts to catch it but it misses inches away from his mouth. 

He waves his wand to get a small bowl of fruits for Yumi, levitating it then placing it in front of her.

“Thanks, Jaeminie.”

She seems very fascinated at every little thing the Slytherin does.

Basic.

“Dibs on the melons!” As if on cue, Soobin and Yeonjun wrestled over the watermelon plate.

Yumi just playfully rolls her eyes, this has always been a drill for them.

It made Bora snicker, eating off her own share of fruits. “I also have two of those, Soobin, and much more sweeter.” 

The insinuation made Soobin choke himself, especially when his eyes inadvertently drew at the Ravenclaw girl’s chest.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu gagged in sync, seeing how quickly sullen Soobin lowered his head in shame, focusing on his plate.

Just Soobin and Bora were enough…

Beomgyu just drawls and sneers at how the new couple is so close and skinship-y. With Jaemin's arm around Yumi’s shoulder, she even leans in closer to him.

“Geez, get a room.” Beomgyu spats, as if the sight is an additive for making his food the least appetizing served in front of him.

Yumi sticks her tongue out like a kid. “Hater.”

“You bet I am.”

“Ya! Why don't you two put your mouth to a different use, eh?” Soobin cuts in, who finally recovered from earlier bashfulness.

Yumi blushes as Soobin reinstates that they make out somewhere.

Talk about such implications.

Jaemin laughs, whispering something to Yumi’s ears, making her giggle. “Yeah. Later, Nana, not now.”

In these instances, the mild touching of his hand on her legs, with them being touchy and gross under the table is quite noticeable for the others.

Like, don’t rub it on us how skinship-y you guys are.

Sighs. The soreness of the honeymoon phase. Blergh—

Beomgyu turns away to roll his eyes. He just quiets down and eats to put his darn mouth to use. Cause, as if he has someone to kiss it wit—

“Just when I thought y’all shut up after finding someone to kiss your mouth with.” Soobin rants. Seeing how he and Bora are casual now, he seems to be braver to tease back. 

“Wow! Same goes for you,” Beomgyu retorts. “Stop yapping and use those pouty lips of yours. Bora, kiss this dumbass for us to have some quiet time.”

“Ya! I’ll bash your mouth if you don’t shut up.” Bora, who is still tired from her Herbology class, starts threatening Beomgyu with a fork.

“Geez, talk about waking up and choosing violence.” Yeonjun looks at them with such a grimaced expression as he eats.

“I thought having a high school sweetheart would produce a world filled with love.” Taehyun winces, shaking his head. He takes a bite of his chicken satisfyingly. “No thanks then.”

 “Psh, seriously…” Beomgyu lets his palm support his chin, turning with a longing look towards Yumi and Jaemin.

-

“Bora-yah. How come Beomgyu has been cold lately?” Yumi rants, slumping herself on the tabletop, hands plopped down. It made the Ravenclaw turn to look at her, putting down her book. It just so happens that Jaemin is busy with Quidditch practice so their usual study date session is postponed. 

Is this what got her quiet since earlier? Bora thought it was because of the lack of Vitamin Jaemin in her presence.

Bora shakes her head at the cheesy and corny thought. She sighs, putting her fingers to glide across her chin, in deep thought. To be honest, she doesn’t know either. If anything, if Lee Yumi can’t even decipher Choi Beomgyu, they’re doomed. Them being the duo who know each other the best.

And for the two of them and the gang to be clueless about his actions lately. They’re set up for impending doom.

“Ahh… maybe he’s busy with stuff lately?” Bora suggests. “Perhaps studying?”

“Eh??? That Idiot; studying? It can't be.” It’s as if instinct, Yumi covered her mouth at the usual slander and kidded around. Ahem. They’re serious here. “Sorry, out of habit. But ahhhh… I’m lost, Bora.”

But really… Beomgyu's an idiot for making me feel this way.

She internally wallowed.

It’s just… she’s so used to their usual witty bantering, the boisterous voice filled the white noise in her day with TXT. So it being shifted to a more straightforward exchange between them… is entirely bland. 

It’s strange.

Yumi felt a slight ache in her chest.

“Honestly too, Yumi… I can’t even pinpoint what the hell he would be focusing on. Is there?”

Maybe Quidditch? 

Nah, can't be…

Beomgyu could’ve shown enthusiasm since their earlier years.

For all I know, OWLs? Maybe he’s aiming for a brighter chance of being an Auror or whatnot. What even is his plan in the near future?

Being a prefect is out of the question… They're already in their sixth year.

The best friends speculated on the possibilities, exchanging what appeared to be a circle as they kept going back and forth.

The heavy huff filled the room with stillness. They’re both stuck.

“Damn, do we even know the boys?” Bora worried over her lower lip, biting off her finger as she shook her head.

“We're already in our sixth year, Bora-yah. Things are bound to be changed.” Yumi’s words came out heavier in her chest… right.

Well, part of Yumi is torn, like yes, of course, she’s happy now that she’s got Jaemin around.

But even so, she’s allowed to sulk over her best friend right? 

She just doesn’t get it, Beomgyu told her that “they’re okay” but how is it the opposite of how he’s being distant? 

It’s not the same!

“Maybe it’s his time of the month,” Bora puts it out there but quickly retracts her joke. “I'm kidding but why are you affected? Just curious.”

“It’s different…” Yumi tries to contemplate over her thoughts, sinking in further on why it's bothering her. Coming from her own mouth, she elaborates. “But I know either way it will be different, with dating and friendships and all that. Things will change, but still…”

“Maybe he’s also adjusting now that you have a boyfriend?” Bora inclines but even so, she's reluctant. “Of course, your attention is no longer fully invested in us.”

“But still Bora, if that’s the case, Hyuka should be whining alongside him in protest!”

Her friend perfectly rebutted her uncertainty, Bora could only shrug along.

There’s no difference in treatment, per se, it’s the same with adjusting and balancing with friends and a new relationship. 

But then again, Yumi’s connection and bond with Beomgyu stands different.

“Urghhh, why is Beomgyu such a baby!” Yumi buries her face in between the pages of her Potions book. She sulks, looking at it keenly.

She used to be able to read Beomgyu like an open book. So how is it he's hard to decode lately?

Yumi's well aware that she's going through another phase in her life, so her surroundings are bound to change along with her.

But damn! It wasn't this dramatic when it came to Soobin and Bora dating, or is it that much of a deal for Beomgyu?

It doesn't make sense either, this wasn't the first time that she explored around in the realms of dating.

So what's the big deal Choi Beomgyu?

“You know what… I think haaa… I shouldn't say something about this as I am not sure myself.” Bora breaks Yumi’s trail of thought. It piqued the Hufflepuff’s interest. “I was also speculating, and even Soobin told me something about Gyu the other day. And…”

“And?”

“It led to an interrogation with one then the other.” Bora's hand clasps, pointing to Yumi. “It's just, maybe it's something odd? Because Argh! Even I got curious about how dodgy Soob was.” Bora makes a face as she messes the temples of her head. “No amount of pinching and pleading made him break loose for him to tell me details. So I was left to ask the others.”

“Their ‘bro code’ is strong I can tell.” Yumi rolls her eyes.

“Right?!” Bora’s raised pitch showed her annoyance. If it weren't for such inconvenience, she would have been done. But nothing her Ravenclaw wits can't handle. “Anyways, okay… just pure speculation, the conclusion is, all I'm getting is the weird-ass vibe between you and Beomgyu.”

Yumi blinks at her, Bora shrugs as yeah, it's not a new profound clue to be known.

Bora even discussed her game plan that she even went to the boys 1-on-1 so it's naturally not suspicious. They're not caught off guard either, but it just led to more questions than answers about how the guys are acting when the topic of Beomgyu and Yumi is asked.

How is it that they're just asking something simple… yet, why the need to be filtered in the answers?

The vagueness of it all.

Like no shit of course they're gonna say that they're “acting normal”.

This further confirms that it's not only Bora noticing the oddness of the group now that Yumi is here ranting it to her.

So what the hell is going on?

“Those weirdos…” Yumi massages her scrunched forehead, sneering more at how ridiculous this is. “Bros Before Hoes huh?”

“Those bastards…” Bora mumbled to herself.

“Even from your bae?” Yumi reconfirms.

“With Soobin… I did hear him slip off something, but he took advantage of my goldfish brain and distracted me by being petty. By complaining and demanding “Me Time”  like “Bora-yah, I want your undivided attention!” that I got sideswept off as he told me I shouldn't be asking about others when it's finally our “Us Time”. This doesn’t help with the tantamount homework we have so I gave in.”

Forming an image of a whiny six-footer Soobin in Yumi’s head wasn’t the most pleasant to think of your friend. She grimaced. “Eww… you guys are sappy when in love.”

“I can't help but feel guilty,” Bora reasoned further, not minding the comment. “And I can't be that mad at him for dodging the question, as he made sense!”

“I get it, I get it… and he didn't lie but he didn't answer directly either.”

Bora nods profusely. “See?! Just when I had him!”

“That smartass.”

They huffed under their breath.

Apologetic and frustrated, Bora just puts her head down on the table along with her notes. “All he said was, he's not sure either but ‘it's better coming from Beomgyu himself’.”

“What a generic, plain-ass answer, Soob.”

The blind leading the blind.

So they're back to square one.

But despite the collected speculations, something is still not connecting. It's not enough to suffice Beomgyu's actions towards Yumi. What is not adding up?

Perhaps it's something so simple that we're complicating it?

Bora shakes her head.

Knowing Beomgyu and the group, of course, it's in their best interest to be happy for their friend. They're happy for Yumi in their relationship as she's happy.

As to why she does not think that Beomgyu will get up to that point of ruining their friendship.

Not thinking of that at least.

It never crossed Bora's mind and did not even entertain the thought that Beomgyu might like…

“Maybe we're overthinking it,” Bora says wearily. Almost giving up with her tone as she's growing more frustrated.

They can't help but go through the final move to confront Beomgyu.

Beomgyu got a head start on the game plan.

But not in a way he liked or consented to, writhing in pain, he finally pulled through the last stitches on his leg before being wrapped with bandages. And he thought he could get away through this with magic?! It’s still hurts like hell—

Hyuka worries over his lower lip. “You know, I have a creepy feeling you’ve been talked about so much lately that it led you to end up in the Hospital Wing.”

Yeonjun hits his shoulder, nodding frantically. “You were practically choking loads before ending up here!”

“Idiot! I was in the Quidditch fields, how—”

“Beomgyu, you idiot! What did you do to get yourself into this time?!” Out of breath, the voice of their Hufflepuff friend was almost echoing across the whole room as Yumi came barging into the cubicle.

“Who the fuck told Yumi?” Beomgyu huffs, he knows how much of a worrywart this girl could get. He wanted to spare her the worry.

“And you’re planning to hide this from me?” Her knuckle hits the crown of his head. Beomgyu winced, louder as he managed to budge his leg. It still hurts!

As if an act of rapid betrayal, Yeonjun, and the others left one by one, excusing themselves for the two of them to have some privacy. And for what?

They didn’t even spare him to explain what happened and how he got injured in the first place.

“Breathe in first, Yumi, relax—”

“That’s hard to do, Gyu. And knowing you, you almost never seem to get yourself in these types of situations…”

“I get it, but I’m fine… I’ll be fine.” He points out his tended foot, but the glazed eyes of the girl hitting his wavered his heart that it meant something else… wounding deeper.

This is the first time after a long while that they met each other’s eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that as if I’m on my deathbed?” he joked. But it is to subside the effect of her gaze on him.

She mutters nothing.

Beomgyu stares at her, but tries not to look back with such depth that his thoughts will be see-through. But this is his best friend Yumi we’re talking about.

He knows that she’s already perceiving something.

Yumi buried herself in his stomach, avoiding his leg by any means. Beomgyu thanked the abrupt break of their eye contact, but it shifting to skin contact…

‘I’ve only held up for too long to avoid being alone with her…’

‘Cause he knows that it will lead to them opening up one way or another. 

‘But I’m still hurt.’

He lets out a sigh.

“I’m fine, Yumi, I’m your badass best friend. I got this. Now you can go back to whatever you’re doing…”

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” The tears in her eyes changed to somewhat anger, the frustration in her shaky lips had Beomgyu shudder.

His chuckle came off skittish. “Am not—”

“Don’t you dare lie…” she croaked.

His eyes widened momentarily, and he swallowed a bit of the formed bile in his throat.

“I don’t know.” And that’s his honest answer. Maybe because I’m hurting… but I can’t tell you that. Beomgyu quickly repositioned himself. “I’m just mindful that Jaemin-sshi might mind us hanging out too much, Yumi.”

That made Yumi’s brows knit together. “There’s barely anything for him to mind as we’re no longer hanging out, what do you mean?”

Beomgyu shrugs, finding himself slowing down to come up with any means to retort.

That further confirms that’s not the problem they have; with her and Jaemin…

“You barely hang out with the group, your presence is practically so noticeable that there’s a blackhole of silence on your side of the table.”

Yumi’s getting ahead of her emotions, the girl is also aware that she’s lashing it all out on him. With everything piled up for the last weeks, it just so happens everything is directed to Beomgyu after not talking for so long.

Even with her and Jaemin is not fine at the moment, and Yumi is not being okay as a person at the moment. She’s carrying a lot right now, and it’s not helping exactly now that Beomgyu got into an accident. So imagine her swirling range of emotions.

At least now with Beomgyu at the moment, she at least expects she can have some sort of resolution and reason for the mess of a state she is in right now.

She just wants to find answers…

At least give me some of it, Choi Beomgyu.

Beomgyu puts his arm over his eyes, to at least cast out the expecting eyes of the Hufflepuff on him. And to block the tears from daring to gush out.

“I’m just not okay right now, Yumi, to be honest…”

“And can’t I at least help you with that? We can lend you an ear, hmmm?” Yumi had known the opposition in his actions these past few weeks. Noticing his distance, even his gazes. It just hurts for a friend to act this way around you. So she knows there really is a problem. “Do you not trust us that we can help lessen your load? What even is it, Beomgyu? At least tell me, Beomi.”

“It’s not that I don’t have the trust. I guess a phase with me where socializing is tiring. I want to be alone, that’s all. Hopefully, it’s a phase.” The last sentence is more of said to himself. 

Still not looking at her, it made Yumi more worried. This is a “new phase” with him if that’s the case.

“It’s just so sudden, Beomi, of course, I’m concerned… I want to be there for you, and I want to tell you shit when I’m down or silly things when I’m happy. I miss hearing your voice even though we bash into each other for the most part. You know?”

“You got Bora with that, right?” he says. “And at least now… you get a better input than my usual ear-grating bantering.”

Yumi’s expression straightened. “That’s not the point, Beomgyu.”

Slowly reverting back to his usual mischievousness at the minimum, he at least lets his hand lightly hit her arm. “I at least now know my presence is missed, hmmm? Even if it was annoying you so much.” 

“I didn’t say you were ever a hindrance…” She sighed heavily in defeat after realizing there was no use retorting. Yumi tries to massage away the creases of her forehead, getting increasingly stressed despite wanting to see this Beomgyu after so long. Just not in this state, Lord. 

It’s just a huge abrupt tangent. “God, I don’t get you, Choi Beomgyu.”

He doesn’t get himself either, he nods back. “But going back, I’m fine. It just hit me like a truck that I should be serious and mature now at this point. Maybe your aura influenced me and pressured me to change, hmmm?”

He gestures back to her as if he’s not at all bedridden due to his injury. Yumi can’t comprehend any of it.

“And I’m supposed to be proud of that… why?”

“At least be assured that I am thinking of my improvement now.”

Yumi blinks, it’s truly unlikely hearing these words come off Beomgyu’s mouth. Was a few weeks all there was to it for him to do this drastic change?

“Putting us all through that and just to tell me ‘you’re fine’?” Yumi controlled every bit of herself to hold back from flicking his forehead. “You’re getting worked out for nothing. Please at least have your brain checked. Maybe you bashed yourself somewhere weeks ago. Pabo.”

“Sorry, I won’t be as distant. I know that got you most worried.” He raised his hand as if as a pledge, but Yumi was not having any of it.

“You still didn’t answer me clearly, you idiot.” Her brows furrowed once again seeing his current state. “Gosh! You shouldn’t have done it at all in the first place if you knew that fact too well!” 

Beomgyu pouts. “Still not enough that it’s all for character development?”

“I don’t buy it.” Yumi slumps her head down the blanket, holding back a scream. She slightly leaves some space ajar for him to hear her talking. “But thank the gods, I know you’re some bitchy kind of weed, it’s not easy for you to be wiped off the face of the earth.”

“Relax, I still haven’t done my purpose in this world to annoy the fuck out of you to the grave.”

“And I don’t know if I like that.” Yumi had her head down, stiff and not inviting to be budged at all.

He felt hot dampness through his clothes, her back along her breath hitched. 

Beomgyu knows she’s crying already.

“Geez, you’re such a crybaby ‘till now.” Beomgyu pats her head lightly.

Yumi cries more at the gesture, maybe it’s because of all the piled-up worry and being down for this stressful week… that it amplified any warmth coming her way. But this type of comfort coming from her best friend? She dearly missed this annoying prick as much as she denied it.

The ending, it’s Beomgyu comforting her instead of the other way around.

Beomgyu can’t help but feel sorry seeing her like this, she didn’t even deserve that kind of treatment. But he did need the space. It’s gonna be fine for now… He can cope better and be assured knowing she’s still there to consider him as a friend.

His words came off with double meaning.

“Give me some time to heal, hmmm? I’ll make up to you even after I recover… sorry for acting like an idiot.”

Her head remained down the sheets, her voice muffled. “You truly are an idiot.”

Till the end, he puts her happiness first over his.

I can hold on longer…

※ my masterlist | #enjeiwrites ※

[carletes]

I can't help but feel like all of this defense of Bianca is purely due to ableism that F1 fans themselves have but don't realize.

The amount of times I've seen people try to pull the "I can't be racist because I have black/brown friends/relatives" card and still have to face consequences, yet she uses her autistic brother as a prop to claim she can't be ableist and people are suddenly like "omg best apology ever, we support our queen."

No. I am autistic. I've gotten bullied for it for much of my life. I don't appreciate seeing Bianca continuing that bullying by encouraging the use of autism as an insult, and I especially don't like her using someone who is autistic to try to cover up her behavior. People need accountability if they're going to learn, and so far her version of "taking accountability" has just been "I'm just a girl, just a kid, only 18, I didn't know better" which luckily she deleted, and then using her autistic brother to try to gain PR brownie points after insulting people with autism.

And I KNOW F1 is full of ableism, not just on twitter but on here too. Hell, I was ranting to a F1 friend maybe a month ago about a post someone made on here about how they didn't like Lando solely because they thought he was neurodivergent but he was too privileged to have to mask his neurodivergent behavior and I just? Girl what in the fucking ableism. Do people realize how exhausting "masking neurodivergent behavior" is? And that post had about a dozen notes - not of people calling it out, but of people agreeing with it. Lance gets the majority of it, but I've also seen people use autism to insult Logan too. He isn't in F1 anymore, but I saw it all the time with Latifi too. Like fucking stop chalking up disliking people to "omg i don't like them because they exhibit behaviors that i associate with autism," that's fucking gross and insulting!!!

Idk I'm tired of reading how I'm anti-women or anti-POC for not immediately accepting her apology and jumping right back in to supporting her. She needs to do a LOT of self-reflecting and attitude changing, as do motorsport fans in general given a lot of responses to this situation. Ableism isn't cool, cute, funny, etc. (Also looking at the fans who repost that RocketPoweredMohawk YouTuber's clips in the tags on Tumblr too. The guy's biggest punchline is "HAHAHAHA lance autistic" yet F1 fans worship the ground he walks on and treats him like peak comedy. Please, find an actual sense of humor that doesn't involve making people with disabilities the punchline of your jokes). It's getting old. It's not funny or quirky or edgy. It's exhausting to constantly run into reminders that most of these people I'm interacting with in my online spaces would never accept me and would probably just bully me if I ever came across them in real life. 🙃

Thank you for saying all of this. I genuinely didn’t even know this was a line of ~commentary (ew) on Lance or Logan. It’s absolutely disgusting. I feel like we’re only just getting to a point where people even understand autism (and let’s be clear…they still don’t lol not really) but shit like this is so gross and only forces autistic people even further into the margins of society. I’m really sorry the fandom is like this. You deserve to take up as much space as you need, and the rest of us need to hold ableists accountable.

[azure-clockwork]

Do not apologize, my ask was rude and I can't blame you for not having a very specific fandom etiquette nor for all the precedent much more condescending post. I'm sorry, I took your post too seriously and this is not an excuse but I've let my emotion the better of me ( I think you understand how utterly tiring the discourse get, especially after 5 long years ). For the tag I was referring to, just putting "discourse", especially "x character discourse" would be nice!

Thanks you for taking time to explain yourself and again I'm sorry.

No worries! That’s what I get for being somewhat new to tumblr (well. I’ve had a tumblr for years, but I never used it lol). Besides, I’m on here because I like ranting about the latest fandom I got into because I too am a lesbian with Issues (and I wish I had a comically large weapon), so hah. Anytime I get to present my Fire Emblem Essay, I’m a happy woman.

Also, I get it; the beauty of tumblr is the ability to curate your dash and that requires people to tag things correctly.

Anyways, have a good one!!

[threedaycharter]

I was originally writing this in tags but then it started to get long so now I'll just. actually reblot with words LMAO. so i've gone ahead and ranted. love tumblr.

TLDR: FIVE HARGREEVES!!!!!

A lot of the tags, both from OP and others, just gave me such major Five thoughts that I gotta put it out there. OP mentioning an "indifferent" or "regal" whumpee... number five hargreeves everyone. and another tag by someone else mentioning the whumper and whumpee knowing eachother prior- every handler (or just commission) and five fic ever (positive) (believe this tag was from sunshine-sam)

those fit in the tags fine but my main point that got really long was just the idea of all the hargreeves siblings being present. it hurts my soul so intensely. A major part of the hargreeves family is that at their core, they are selfish people. They get consumed by their own life and issues easily that, majority of the time, they tend to brush off others- even their family, the people they care about most! and do not get me twisted, this DOES also include Five. while his selfishness comes from a selfless core, the way he makes choices and goes about his business does inherently have selfish traits attached to it. yes, he's trying to save his family, but he does not take into account a lot of their emotions and their own lives. does this mean the hargreeves siblings take into account his struggle and life? no!!!! and that is part of their charm!!! they are people who so badly want to do good and show others they care, but it manages to backfire on them every single time without fail.

in this scenario, i feel that realization would hit and it would be the worst because you're sitting on the line between life and death. this guilt will not matter when the party you want to apologies to is dead. and if you all get out of this alive, there is still the question of how? how do you apologies? how do you thank someone for so much, and show that you truly, deeply, do care?

once thing that does irk me about how tua and some parts of fandom (this does not really only apply to tua. happens everywhere lol) treats these characters is the fact this is not taken into account. do i wish his siblings understood all Five has done for him? yes! do i think Five understands them and takes them into account when doing all this he has done for them? not really! like all of them, he tries, but also like all of them, a lot of this blows up in his face and backfires. all of them i have this sadness for. they deserve understanding and care and HELP, but they also do not tend to give these things in a way that is truly helpful. their family is so tragic, and i think people do forget about that. while i am no stranger to being a fan of characters and just wanting things to be better for them so MUCH, i do not think it will ever overpower my love for writing and character analyzation. (i will admit five is probably my favourite, but does not mean i will not critique him he also needs help desperately lmao.)

even more tldr: all of these characters do bad and im tired of pretending they dont!!!!!! that is not just a little guy!!!!

Okay so picture this... a line up of heroes, all bound and forced to their knees in front of whumper.

Whumper paces in front of them calmly. They have their hands clasped behind their back as they begin to threaten or make demands of Leader. Then they slowly stop in front of our whumpee. Maybe they look the youngest, most inexperienced, or the most scared but something about them catches whumper's eye.

Leader's eyes go wide as they try to redirect whumper's attention back to them, but it's too late. Whumper places a hand under Youngest's jaw and lifts their gaze to force eye contact. They see the barely hidden fear behind a shaky mask of indifference and they *smile.*