#apart from taking all the chocolate my dads students give him lol

[chrliebot]

oh my god these r so cute thanks grandparents :)

[radiorenjun]

I just rewatched crazy rich asians and a sudden scenario popped up in my head lol. Can you do a nct dream reaction to you coming from an insanely rich fam but you did not tell them after years of being together (like they thought you were poor) I really like your fics uwuu💗luv youuu🥺

God now this is making me want to watch Crazy Rich Asians. Anyways.

Mark Lee

You both have been dating since your first year in college. The day you told him you were the daughter of one of the most successful people in the country, his jaw dropped. I mean, considering how you live in a small apartment back when you two were in your early years of dating.

He remembers the day your mother decided to visit the two of you to meet Mark for the first time. Your mother was a very famous and inspiring talk show host and your father was the owner of a very well known hospital. You could barely hold back your laughter when you saw him practically try to scoop his jaw back up when he watched your mother walk out of a Tesla X car.

"You're (Y/M/N)'s daughter? One of the richest people in the industry?!" Mark exclaimed exasperatedly a few minutes after your mother left. Your mother had brought over fancy seafood with some rare caviar and 24k gold pieces sprinkled on top for dinner. 'I wanted to make a good first impression' she said with a casual shrug as you all sat at your dining table.

"Uh... I wouldn't consider myself rich, persay" you laughed. "Oh my god, you're the daughter of one of the most famous talk shows in the industry." Mark dramatically collapsed on the couch, his hand came up to cup his mouth dramatically as if he just found out you were secretly an alien disguised as Michael Jackson.

"Oh come on, it's not that of a big deal, Mark." you whined, sitting beside him and shaking his arm. "Chenle is probably richer than me," you added as you placed a peck on his cheek as he sighed. "I guess you're right."

"Can I ask you something, though?" he muttered, leaning his head against yours as you leaned against his shoulder. You hummed in response, moving your hand to play with his fingers. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in a small voice, a pout evident on his lips.

You pondered for a moment before shrugging, "I don't know, I wanted to tell you at first when we started dating but then I forgot bout it. I rarely call my parents since they're so busy," you smiled sheepishly at him.

"That explains the Rolex watch you gave me for Christmas," he uttered. "Okay, for the record, those were from my own savings!" you shot back defensively with a laugh, smacking his arm gently. "Oh so now you're bragging bout being rich," he teased.

Huang Renjun

You were both planned on going to a an art gallery date Renjun found on the internet for your two year anniversary. What you didn't know was that the gallery he was talking bout was actually one of your grandfather's art gallery. It was safe to say that the poor boy was practically trying to scoop his jaw back up when he saw the owner of the gallery he saw online giving you a big hug.

You were surprised his jaw was still intact with his face when you told him that the owner was your grandfather. He then remembered the time when you told him your grandfather really like to paint alot, hence your magnificent talent that landed you in a scholarship with one of the biggest art colleges in the country.

“So, your grandfather owns like, what, ten galleries all over the country?” Renjun gaped as you walked side by side down the halls filled with paintings after you introduced him to your grandfather. You shrugged sheepishly, staring up at one of the paintings, swinging your intertwined hands as you walked.”Does this mean you’re like rich? Crazy rich?” Renjun added.

“You’re blowing this out of proportion.” You chuckled, watching Renjun give you a blank stare. “I’m not! I’m just in shock that my girlfriend’s family are aristocrats and could end my life in a heartbeat!” he exclaimed, causing you to let out a soft laugh.

“I’m not necessarily rich like that. But I will inherit all this when my grandfather retires.” You shrugged. “Damn, I never thought I’d be dating a billionaire. This seems like an unexpected climax of a really weird movie” he muttered, running his thumb over your knuckles as you giggled.

“We’re not billionaires, you drama queen. Why does it matter to you anyways if my family’s kinda wealthy?” you raised your brow with a teasing grin, making your boyfriend let out a scoff. “It makes me seem like a peasant standing next to you, your highness,” he rolled his eyes in a sardonic tone. You laughed, smacking him lightly on his arm as you gave him a soft peck on his cheek.

“At least you’ll be my peasant.”

“That sounds like you bought me off of an auction for slavery. I didn’t know you were this kinky, Y/N.”

“Don’t make me dump you on our second anniversary in front of my grandfather, Huang.”

Lee Jeno

He really didn’t see this coming. One year and seven months ago, you seem like the average college student joining sororities to not spend as much money, like he did. You seemed like the average broke college student, spending your days eating cheap ramen from the supermarket, making chocolate truffles with a coffee maker and trying out those Buzzfeed videos where they make three full course meals using house hold items.

Hell, even your friends didn’t know bout this. Well, maybe they did. But nothing would prepare Lee Jeno the absolute shock he was bout to feel when he found out that you and your older sibling owned a really fancy five star hotel that seems only celebrities went to. Hell, you even had your own personal presidential suite and an infinity pool!

“How did you even get money to pay for all this?” Jeno gaped as he entered the room, putting his bag on the chair beside the door that looks as if it costed more than his own life. It probably did, though.”Uh...” you bit your lip as you heard a loud booming voice yell out your name.

“Baby sis!”

Jeno’s eyes were wide and filled with surprise as he saw someone who could’ve been mistaken as the president’s child come up and give you a big hug and a pinch on the cheeks. “Is this the Jeno you’ve been talking bout to mom and dad? Quite the charmer, I’d say,” your sibling grinned, as Jeno stretched his hand out and introduced himself, masking his confusion with a light smile.

Jeno politely asked who this person who had their arm slung over your shoulder and pinching your cheeks red, causing your sibling to laugh. “You really went all out with the broke college act to the point you just don’t mention your own family anymore, huh?” they laughed. Jeno was beyond astonished to find out that your parents were extremely loaded that they bought a really expensive hotel for vacation purposes just for you and your relatives to use.

Turns out you had a whole broke college student act to discover a new lifestyle out of the rich and easy one. Plus, you really liked interacting with people, hence why you joined a sorority. Jeno would eventually get over it after you explained everything, still baffled that his girlfriend had the money to pay child support for his great great grandchildren.

“Am I in heaven?” Jeno jokes as he ran his hand over his wet hair, watching you get into the tub with him, holding a fancy cup filled with wine. “Don’t get used to it, Lee. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Tomorrow it’ll be back to making poached salmon in a coffee maker.” You laughed, taking a sip of your wine as you snuggled closer to his chest.

“Good to know, nothing has changed. Despite having a girlfriend that could cover my future descendants expenses.”

“You’re really not letting this go, are you?”

“You can’t blame a man for overthinking. Oh god, the day I’ll be meeting your parents would probably be equivalent to meeting the King and Queen of England.”

Lee Donghyuck

Precious boy would be shocked but not that shocked. You get me?

He’s gonna act all dramatic at first, putting a hand on his chest how you just told him this big thing bout yourself after a year of dating. He found out through a really unexpected meetup with your parents, jaw gaping once he found out that both of your parents are rich ceo’s of really big insurance companies. 

Apparently, your parents decided to pick you up for a small vacation to Paris. Being the extras that they are, they made an extravagant dramatic entrance in your multimillion limo, offering Hyuck a ride home in the process. Lowkey the whole car ride was him just being so speechless that you, yourself was surprised to see your usually goofy and loud boyfriend so silent and speechless.

Low key he felt kinda insecure now that he’s met your parents. What if they don’t like him because they thought he wasn’t good enough to be a part of their family? Or rich enough to even be your boyfriend. Though the light conversation your mother had sparked up eased him, feeling relieved that at least your mom liked him, despite your dad being to busy with work to even spare him a glance instead of looking up from his laptop.

The next time you meet up was on a cafe date three days afterward. “I can’t believe I just met your richass parents.” was the first thing he said to you that day. You cackled at his horrified expression as he stares at you as if he had committed arson, chewing his muffin softly as he spoke.

“Relax you big baby, they like you already. They thought you were nice and polite, and quiet.” that last part sounds so wrong you instantly gulped down your milkshake. “If only they knew how much sorcery you have to make me still date you despite how you act like a worm on a heatstroke.” you shuddered.

He let out a sarcastic laugh in response, shoving what’s left in his pistachio muffin into your mouth to shut you up. You giggled, humming at the taste as your boyfriend chuckled.There was a brief moment of silence as you chewed the rest of his muffin before Donghyuck spoke up.

“I never thought my life would come to the day where I have a girlfriend who has a possible chance of being my Sugar Mommy.”

“LEE DONGHYUCK!”

Na Jaemin

He wouldn't be that surprised, really. Finding out that you’re the daughter of a famous k-drama director was quite unexpected considering he was the casted as the main character of this k-drama meaning he had to work harder to make your dad like him. He was beyond astonished to find you visiting the studio with your mother to celebrate your parent’s anniversary in a really expensive Korean Barbeque restaurant that seems even Lee Sooman couldn’t afford to get in.

After finding out Jaemin was THE Na Jaemin you were dating, your parents invited him to join you and your family for dinner. He was a nervous wreck in front of your parents. Not only they were successful and could get him kicked out of the role in a heartbeat if he didn’t make a good first impression, they were rich too. If he plans to marry you, he’s gonna have to be praying to God that this dinner goes smoothly.

Lowkey the thought of you being rich didn’t faze him that much but he was worried your parents might not approve of him considering he wasn’t as successful as they were. Of course, with the constant habit of bringing him up during family dinners that you had developed, they were quite happy to see such a sweet caring boy had the possibility of being their son-in-law.

Believe me, it was their words, not mine.

“MOM! You can’t say things like that!” you whined, burying your head in your hands as he giggled, his hold on your other hand tightening under the table. “What? You two are already in a committed relationship for fourteen months already, and you’re still in that honeymoon phase, unlike your father here who acts as if I was the bane of his existence.” your mother jokes.

“That’s because you are.” you father teased. “Jaemin is a nice boy, having him as a son in law would be great addition to the family.” he added as your face flushed red even more when you felt Jaemin squeeze your hand. Jaemin had a wide smile displayed on his face, his own cheeks flushed red at your parent’s words.

“Maybe one day,” he smiled to himself as he stared at your whole embarrassed being sitting in front of your millionaire parents.

Zhong Chenle

I need more Chenle gifs. Anyways

Most definitely will plan to buy the whole SM Entertainment with you to prevent mistreatment for his foreign hyungs and dongsaengs. Honestly it’s just gonna be so funny for him to find out that you were from a wealthy family as well. No wonder you could afford the latest Dior bag the moment it got released, and bought him the limited edition of the latest Kingdom Hearts game.

At some point of his life, he thought you were secretly stealing money from the bank or something. He found out when he visited your hometown for the first time for a Summer Tour. He didn’t think he’d be staying at a private mansion-like villa. Of course, you invited the other Dream members to stay over so their manager wouldn’t have to struggle with finding a super expensive hotel with high level security.

From then on, every special event is like a gift-giving competition to see either who bought the most items or the most expensive one to make the other feel guilty.

“No. You didn’t.” you gasped, glaring at your boyfriend who just grinned mischievously, despite the fact that he had bought so much stuff that he doesn’t even remember which gift that was. “I did,” he grinned proudly as he watched you pull out those aesthetic acrylic photos with a spotify link on the top from tiktok. “Dammit, you beat me to it.” you pouted, pulling a shopping bag from your side of gifts to pull out an acrylic stand of the two of you on your first date with your shared playlist link on spotify on it.

“That’s so sweet, y/n. I love it, even thought you practically lost this one.” he grinned cheekily. “Lost?” you raised your brows, questioningly. "Honestly, this feels more of a competition than an endearing moment to remember," you mused.

"Not my fault you spoiled me, it's only fair if I spoil you back." Chenle laughed. "What kind of girlfriend I would be if I didn't spoil my hard working boyfriend?" you grinned, letting out a small giggle afterwards as you pulled out another shopping bag from your side to give to your loving boyfriend.

"A rich one," Haechan muttered as he entered the room.

Park Jisung

The day he found out you were loaded was the day he finally got to sleepover at your house when he got a clear schedule. In your 8 months of dating, you two never got to hang out in your house as you both were too busy with your own things to even have a decent date without instant ramen and 6 other males involved.

He expected you to live in a normal minimalistic house. You've sent him hilarious pictures of yourself posing dramatically in your living room with the caption, 'paint me like one of your French girls' at the bottom. He knew you had some kind of minimalistic house with the beige couch and potted plants in the background.

But the picture on his phone was nothing compared to the reality of what your house actually looked like. He swore the entrance to your house was almost four times larger than his own size, and that's saying something. Poor boy was practically trying to scoop his jaw back up when he saw the gigantic chandelier hovering over the two of you in the living room.

"How are you not scared of being crushed by glorious diamonds every day?" was what he said when you dragged him to your room with his eyes lingering on the gigantic chandelier and your fingers wrapped around his wrist. You laughed, shrugging as you pulled him through the long hallway filled with gigantic frames of you and your family.

When he entered you bedroom, he practically dropped his dufflebag to the floor. "I brought my pillow for nothing then," Jisung gaped as he saw your king-sized bed that could fit three or possibly four people. "Are you sure you're not some aristocrat? You're basically living off of the We Boom era," Jisung chuckled incredulously as he watch you collapse on your bed.

"Excuse me, Mr. Idol At Thirteen. You're way more richer than I am," you giggled as Jisung walked over and slumped on the bed beside you, humming at the fluffiness of your freshly washed sheets. "That's clearly inaccurate, y/n. I feel offended you never told me that you're basically a billionaire," Jisung pouted jokingly.

You rolled your eyes, "shut up, Park. I live off of instant noodles and homemade omelettes, I'm no different from you." you booped Jisung's nose, causing him to scrunch up his face in an adorable manner. He looked up to see the paintings of baby angels on your ceiling, it was like some kind of museum.

"I bet you secretly have 60 credit cards in your wallet." he mumbled to himself, eyes still staring at you in disbelief as you gave him an incredulous expression. "Jisung. I'm not that rich, really." you deadpanned, "you saved me from going broke by refusing my offer to pay on dates." you joked.

Jisung laughed, "watch what you're saying, y/n. I don't think I'm ever paying for our dates ever again after this sleepover," he pointed a finger at you. You rolled your eyes, pushing his finger away from your face as you continued to bask in each others presence.

"Does this mean you're finally gonna let me pay though? I'm ordering pizza."

"Not happening, L/N."

A/n: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I PROCRASTINATE ALOT IM SORRY THIS WAS SO BAD I-

[prorevenge]

[Long] How we destroyed our teacher and principal:

Apologies in advance if some details are blurry as this happened almost 14 years ago. Also, this is going to be a long one, so bare with me, I swear the result is worth it, at least it is to me.

The beginning: It all started when I (M25) was 12 years old. My grade 7 teacher (M46 at the time) was infamous for being intimidating and, in my opinion, abusive to his students. He was the disciplinarian of the school. He was in charge of keeping track of detentions and announcing who will be sitting every Friday during assembly.

We suspected at that time that the reason why he never got fired was either because his students were too scared to report him, or because of the fact that the principal was his brother-in-law.

Reasons why I hated him: He was constantly making vaguely racist remarks, complaining about the "New South Africa" and constantly bringing up how his life was better during the Apartheid regime (He's a white guy who was raised on a farm).

I always felt like he had an issue with me as a person because I'm a practising Muslim. He would make the class laugh at how "funny" Muslim women looked with their heads "wrapped up". His jokes about Muslims missing out on eating bacon were endless, in fact, he one day purposely stood in front of my desk eating a cheese and bacon panini.

He used to often rant about how the school is no longer a "pure Christian institution as it once was back in the day". He would say these things and glance at either me, my twin sister, or the black students in the class who practiced their own African religions.

When it was his birthday, my mom encouraged me to buy him a gift. I spent of my pocket money, which was already limited (my parents didn't believe in allowances) to buy him a big slab of chocolate and a long piece of Droëwors (dried sausage). Throughout the day, he would get gifts from students in his class and others.

He would get up from his desk to greet and thank them, and then shake their hand. I remember noticing this because I always found it weird when students shook hands with teachers because of how small our hands were compared to theirs.

However, when I gave him my gift, all he did was look at me for like a second, look away and nod his head slightly. I remember being thankful for not offering my hand out for him to shake because I thought he might have ignored it in front of the entire class. To say I felt like shit is an understatement.

The experience that made me hate him the most happened just before we wrote 2nd or 3rd term exams. I was walking with my friend David (fake name) back from the tuck shop during interval. We took a shortcut between the English and Afrikaans kindergarten classes and saw a group of boys huddled together.

One of them walked towards us and I saw that he had one of those camping multi-tools with the folding knife out, and instantly got a fright. He told us "Give me your stuff before I cut your neck" and then started laughing and walked back to his friends. It was clearly a joke but David looked close to tears and I had a very bad fright because of what he done. I told the guy (Fake name Xander) that he's not allowed to have knives at school and that I'm going to tell my teacher.

We walked straight to our teacher and when we spoke to him, David burst into tears.

We told him what happened and David was sobbing when he said he felt like he was going to die. Our teacher barely looked up from his computer while we were speaking and when he asked for the guy's name. We told him the name and he said he will deal with it and for us to go out for interval again.

I went home and told my mom who I felt didn't fully believe me at the time.

The next day we saw Xander were basically making fun of him for getting into trouble with our teacher and likely getting expelled at worst, or sitting a Saturday detention at best. He laughed back at us and said our teacher just came to his class, asked to speak to him and told him to never bring it to school again. No detention. No suspension. Basically nothing. He still had the knife on him for the rest of the day before.

We were so upset we went back to our teacher and I told him that Xander said that he didn't get into trouble for having the knife. He gave me the ugliest look as if I was bothering him, and coldly said to me that maybe I should fix my late-coming problem before I try to get other people in trouble.

I would come late 4 or 5 times a month because my mom's car's battery terminals were broken so the battery would run flat and she couldn't afford to have it fixed. She had to put the neighbour's battery in her car, start it, and then idle it while she took that battery out and put her own battery back in to charge up. My mom taught me the value of always having a number 10 spanner in your car lol.

I felt betrayed by my teacher. The person who was supposed to make us feel safe while we were away from home.

When I spoke to my friends about it, they told me that Xander was actually the principal's son, meaning he was my teacher's nephew. I decided to take the opportunity to speak to my friends about getting evidence that our teacher is treating students unfairly.

3 of my 4 close friends had camera phones. I sat in the far left corner, my one friend sat in the opposite corner by the door, our other friend sat in the middle, and the last friend was right at the back of the class by the window on the left. One thing about our teacher: he did not give a fuck about where we sat as long as we answered him when he done roll call and didn't bother anyone when we swapped seats.

We came to an agreement that whenever our teacher would sound like we was going to say something vaguely racist or islamophobic, we would all discreetly take videos of him.

Any private conversation we had with him was voice recorded on our phones. We caught him on camera telling a really racist joke about black people, and saying that Hindus must have a lot of problems since they have so many Gods. We caught him saying a lot of bad things, but a lot slipped through our fingers because we weren't fast enough.

It was extremely difficult to keep our friend group motivated to record him and not tell anyone else about it. It was especially difficult because at the time I had a hand-me-down Samsung D900 which was seen as an expensive phone at the time.

My mom prohibited me from taking it to school. She instead bought a cheap R79 ($5) phone for us that could only make calls and send SMS's. This was in case she needed to reach us in an emergency. I got caught several times sneaking my camera phone to school. My biggest mess up at school was when my mom phoned me on my Samsung and I answered it. Big oof but I was a dumbass.

After I think a month we decided that we couldn’t let it go any further.. One of our friends was a black guy named Tatenda (fake name). Tatenda was a problem child. His mom died when he was four and his dad was an alcoholic. He was raised mostly by his uncle who up until today I think was a pimp. He used to act out at school because of undiagnosed ADHD, his dad and uncle didn't believe in learning disabilities and always assumed he was just lazy and badly behaved.

Tatenda especially got onto our teachers nerves because not only was he black, but because he would bring broken calculators from home and take them apart during class. One day our teacher told him to clear his desk and throw away the bits of plastic and calculator shit. He ignored the teacher. The teacher then started screaming at him, and Tatenda done the only logical thing an 12/13 year old would do in such a situation: he mockingly put two pencils into his ears.

Our teacher lost his shit, grabbed Tatenda and threw him against the door. The narrow window pane cracked and Tatenda's head was bleeding. He told us he was fine during interval afterwards and we put money together to buy him a Sprite. I almost cried when my friend who sat way behind me said he got the whole thing on camera. We didn't even trust that the whole class' testimony would get him into trouble. We decided that enough was enough.

The revenge: First we showed the video to Tatenda's uncle, who showed it to his father. Then I showed my mom all the other videos and recordings.

She. Lost. Her. Mind.

One of my friends sent all of it to his older sister who had a Facebook account and she posted it there and tagged the school and as many parents as she knew. It blew up. Parents and people from around the province phoned the school demanding answers as to what is going to happen to our teacher. He was immediately suspended.

There were rumours circulating that he had to go into hiding because Tatenda's uncle and his friends were looking to kill him. I even met Tatenda's dad for the first time in the weeks after the whole thing exploded. He liked to joke that his dad sobered up especially for this lol.

The principal pulled Xander out of the school. We never saw him again. My mom told me an investigation was launched against the school because of the improper handling of bullying complaints. If I remember correctly, 3 English kids in my class alone spoke out against teachers dismissing their complaints of bullying by the Afrikaans kids. We were a mostly white, Afrikaans speaking school with 3 Afrikaans classes but only 1 English class per grade.

They called us"souties" which was short for "soutpiel" which literally tranlates as "salty dick". It's a derogatory term for English speaking, white South Africans. It means your one leg in is South Africa, your other leg is in England, so your dick is hanging in the ocean.

We only saw our teacher once after he was suspended. He looked badly beaten up, and was accompanied by a policeman and two other male teachers so he could gather the rest of his stuff from his class.

But it didn't end there.

Because so many kids needed the evidence that they were being bullied and nothing was done because of it, the CCTV footage was brought up. My friend's mother who was part of the school governing body that time, told us a few years ago that when they reviewed the footage, it became apparent that the principal was having an affair with one of the grade 2 teachers.

He could be seen grabbing her ass at the furthest point away from the camera. They slipped up a few times and kissed in clear view of the camera, but I guess once you're surrounded by the cameras everyday at work, you forget that they're there. It was very apparent that sometimes they thought they couldn't be seen.

My mom's friend's sister (basically my aunt) sells Tupperware and one of her regular customers and close friend's is the principal's ex wife. Not only did she leave him, but they were not married in community of property due to a prenup agreement. The house they lived in was in her name since before marriage, so she effectively made him homeless because none of his family wanted to take him in.

He ran into severe debt from staying in guesthouses and burned many bridges from overstaying his welcome at friends. As for my teacher, his reputation was destination fucked. He served jail time, don't know how long, and eventually left the country because it seemed everyone knew his face from the media attention he received.

The reason why I made this post: I was never going to tell this story on Reddit as I've told it over and over through the years since primary school. But I felt I had to because of what I experienced at the beginning of this year.

My family is part of a non profit organisation that has feeding schemes all over the country. The last Friday feed of February I'm standing security as I usually do since we're few volunteers and there's many homeless people and most are on drugs and can get violent.

I'm walking down the line to make sure there are no fights or anything that could start a riot, and I see a familiar face. My old principal is standing in the line, waiting for a bowl of stew and bread, with absolutely no idea who's standing beside him. Obviously he wouldn't have recognised me, but I never forgot his face. I'm not gonna lie, I cried quite a bit behind my sunglasses. Seeing him brought back the feelings I had when I was 12 years old in 7th grade, trying absolutely every excuse in the book to not have to go to school and be bullied by my teacher.

So yeah, for those of you who are still reading, this is the end of how my friends and I destroyed the lives of my teacher and principal.

If you got this far and are feeling depressed, worthless, or less than your peers, I love you. I appreciate you, and you, are seriously fucking awesome. Bye Bye..

(source) story by (/u/Mobi_Wan_Kenobi786)

[tumblunni]

Headcanons about maddiman's wife:

* name: Joy Nocturne

* her personality is like your classic 'overbearing wife' or 'loud woman' except its not a bad thing and i hate how its always stereotyped as a bad thing. She's confident and outspoken and badass and these are all the things that made Madds fall in love with her. Its also the things that makes everyone else think she's 'such a nag' and start rumours that their marriage is on the rocks, because he 'must be so whipped', etc. And back when they met in highschool everone thought she was a 'typical american thug' who was 'being a bad influence to that poor honor student'. Basically she's used to people hating her personality and she was already secretly doubting whether her husband also found her annoying/bossy/unattractive cos of this. Like she's usually able to be confident in the face of hate from strangers but as she grew to love this man she felt her old insecurities coming back. They were both having trouble talking about their feelings and worrying that their spouse didnt love them...

* oh and BIGGEST HEADCANON: she very much loved him and there was no villain of this story, just a sad tale of two people falling apart due to miscommunication. I think its infinately sadder if they were total soulmates and never stopped loving each other even after this tragic falling out. I feel like Joy just had to make the decision that was right for her son when her husband was never around to be part of his life. And with the way maddiman acted she had every reason to feel like he'd stopped loving her...she didnt leave because she hated him but because she didnt know why he was so distant and thought he hated her...

* She never remarried. She did manage to live a full life and raise their son to be an upstanding human being, but she never forgot about madds and never found anyone she loved more than him.

* She was actually there when he died. The point where he passed out midway through writing a diary entry wasnt actually the exact moment he died, his coworkers found his comatose body and rushed him into surgery. He was on life support for a few days befofe he faded away, having never woken up. Joy rushed over on the fastest flight possible to get to see him before it was too late, but she only managed to arrive in time to see his yokai self emerging and vanishing into the ether. This phantasm haunted her for the rest of her life and she sorta inherited his fatal yokai obsession, in hopes that what she saw was real...

* after her son died at just 17, she became even more tied to the desperate hope of her husband's old fairytales. Ultimately though, she was never able to find him. She actually could have walked straight past him and not been able to see him. And madds wouldnt have recognised her, only wondered why something in his heart says that this particular trespasser in the haunted hospital should be guided to the exit without harm.

* they first met in high school, oddly enough due to maddiman's dad being a massive asshole. Nogut always pressured his son to be perfect and live out all his dreams for him, blablabla, gotta get to the best schools and never get a single bad grade. Joy and madds werent in the same class so they hadnt talked much, and she only recently transferred anyway. But one day Nogut was in school for a parent teacher conference and he was being his usual pissy entitled self, blah blah im too important to be here and my son is the cause of all my problems somehow. So he got uhh.. "Distracted". Aka being an absolute fuckin creeper to underage highschool girls! Thus the day Joy first became friends with maddiman was also the day she became mortal enemies with his dad by kicking him in the balls. And shortly afterwards she bumped into maddiman who was hyperventilating in the same closet she coincidentally picked while hiding from Groinally Harmed Anger Dad. He was having a panic attack from the general stress of his dad being here, and she helped support him through it which became a really valued memory of his, and why he sees her as his hero. Well, that and shortly after when she was like 'lol i just met this total creeper and kneed him in the nads' 'THATS MY DAD' 'geez sorry dude' 'NO THATS AMAZING'

* she also helped him pull off his ultimate escape from trash dad. They had a plan in place for a long time that as soon as he turned 18 they were getting on a motorbike and riding off to Anywhere But Here. But he didnt expect her to literally bring a birthday cake and throw it in his dad's face! And then that was the beginning of their relationship. Madds had totally been crushing on her for quite a while but never knew how to confess, until the sheer awesomeness of that moment made him accidentally squeak it out while they were riding for their lives from an angry old man.

* oh and also there were probably a lot of funny cute clueless moments where it kept going over joy's head that he had a crush on her? I was thinking of a cute idea for a valentines day flashback where maddiman was too shy to give her a box of chocolates and she comes along like "man i didnt get any chocolates im glad you managed to get some!" "U-uhh no i umm..wanted to give them to someone but i...didnt." "Oh that sucks dude! At least now you can eat them all to yourself to help forget that girl. Lemme sneak one, tho!" And thus he ended up sharing the box of chocolates with the perosn he wanted to, even if she had no idea. And it was a very good day!

* also i think considering the pattern of him bottling up his feelings and running from relationship problems, it seems likely that he ran from the altar on his wedding day. But it was also one of the only times ever that that happened and it wasnt super sad. As he does, he got all worked up into a mess of anxiety and convinced he knew the only answer- the stupidest and most reckless answer! So even though he loved this woman he was so scared that he'd be a bad husband that he tried to jump out the window at the last second without even once trying to actually talk to her about any of this. But this time she did manage to find him! All the friends and family were like 'ugh leave him, he doesnt love you', but she knew there had to be more to it so she ran out in the rain in her wedding dress and searched for miles until she found him sobbing in a public bathroom. They managed to talk it out and get to the bottom of his feelings and actually resolved something for once, and it all went okay. It kinda helped that seeing her turn up all bedraggled in the wreckage of the dress she loved so much, bleeding from her tight heels and fighting off several biker gangs along the way helped convince him that "hey maybe she thinks i'm worth fighting for, so i should try and believe her". So yeah then she swept him off his feet and they danced all night as everyone else in the church was all "ugh she looks awful" and "why would she take him back", but the moment was so magical that they just didnt care. And thats how the biggest failure of a wedding was also the happiest day of their lives! (..though sadly the same doubts and communication difficulties would come up again and not be resolved so easily...)

* i keep flip flopping on what career i want to give her, but at the moment im thinking possibly owns a lil bakery/coffee shop type place? Madds is one of those people who cant stand the bitterness of tea/coffee and prefers caffinated sodas instead, but he used to drink strong coffee every day back when he was human just because his wife made it. He loved all the rest of her cooking so itd be cruel to say no! Its a lil detail that i figured would be cute but also foreshadow how he'd meet his tragic end, as it shows he's capable of bottling up his feelings for years even when talking would be so much easier. Also probably a comedic note that he's coming up with nonsensical mad science techniques to make himself able to drink coffee! "Shall i genetically modify my tastebuds or create an undetectable translucent plastic armour plate for my tongue?"

* also maybe she could make cinnamon rolls shaped like madds's doofy cyclops head when they reunite in the future. Just because i want to eat that.

[theinvisiblespoon]

Two characters of your choice enjoying hot chocolate together.

Word Count: 1368

Trigger Warnings: rampant anxiety, paranoia, anger, creepster being creepy

Thank you to @ironwoman359 for beta reading this for me! I’ve updated it since you have, lol.

The clouds hung low in the sky, turning the city ashen grey. Humidity stayed static in the air, and the smell of rain foreshadowed the oncoming storm. No sunlight penetrated the dark clouds, but there was just enough light to see clearly. Pedestrians shuffled by, shifty eyes under the brims of hats, and a man stepped out from his one-bedroom apartment and into the street. He finished buttoning his old black jacket, put on a scarf, looked once at the sky, and headed towards his destination. 

He enjoyed watching the people around him go about their day. He was rather inconspicuous (albeit taller than he would have liked) and so most people didn’t notice the stranger walking by. While he passed, he saw a mother trying to soothe her baby. A college student ran by, backpack much too full to be healthy. As he glanced at an employee taking out the trash, a businesswoman bumped into his shoulder and nearly knocked him over. She was talking loudly into a brand new iPhone 7, and didn’t bother to apologize. As he watched her stride away, he saw a flicker out of the corner of his eye. He whirled around, but nothing was there. The crowd filtered around him as a twinge of anxiety gathered in the pit of his stomach. 

“Hey, move outta the way!” someone grumbled as they pushed past him. Heart still pounding, he let himself be dragged back into the flow of the crowd, walking towards his destination a little quicker than usual.

He stopped at the blackboard sign outside — “There is no black or white, only earl grey. Tea 15% off this weekend!” — and opened the door. 

The sounds of the Starbucks relaxed him immediately, and he unconsciously smiled as he stepped into line. He looked over the menu absently, but his thoughts were elsewhere; the music and the murmurs and the whirs of the equipment faded away. 

I can’t pay rent. Maybe everyone is right. I should just give up. I can’t go forward. I can’t go back.

“Welcome to Starbucks, how may I help you?“ 

He snapped out of his reverie at once. "Uh… sorry, I would like a tall hot chocolate with whipped cream." 

"Got it,” replied the barista in a dull monotone. 

He paid and stood over at the other end of the counter to wait for his drink. Looking down, he saw he had been picking at his calluses yet again. 

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. It was then that he spied someone staring at him from the corner of his eye. He didn’t look at whoever it was; he didn’t want to. Instead, he found himself more acutely aware of his own movements and settled on tugging at a stray thread on his scarf. His heart, defying anatomy, rose to somewhere in his throat. 

It took years to get his hot chocolate, but it finally came. He grabbed it anxiously, pivoted and spotted a lone table in the corner of the coffee shop, and carefully picked his way through the crowd. Sitting down, he scanned the people around him but found no one watching him or noticing him in any sense. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and took a sip from his cup. He didn’t have to worry. It’s alright, he thought to himself, it’s fine. You’re okay.

It was only after another five minutes that the ball of tension in his stomach unwound itself. Content, he lessened his death grip on his beverage and closed his eyes. People talked and laughed; jazz played lightly in the background, and the beginnings of rain offered percussion. All of this he heard, but someone sliding into the seat across from him drowned out all other sounds. 

He jolted up, eyes flying open, and stared at the person across from him. They stared back. The song ended, and the dim light cast menacing shadows across their face. Neither broke eye contact. 

The music began again, and the other figure spoke. “Hello." 

He hesitated. He was unnerved, but he would not say so. Swallowing, he responded, "Can I help you?" 

"I was… was only saying hi." 

"Well then. Hello.” He stood up to leave, but the stranger rose suddenly and blocked his path.

“No, wait, uh, I just wanted to, just, um—” This is not what he would have expected them to sound like. Stuttering and losing your nerve isn’t something you expect in someone so frightening. You don’t anticipate the monsters under your bed being afraid of you. 

“Hey,” he said gently. “Take a breath, okay?" 

The person he had feared a second ago breathed deeply and, in doing so, became more of a weirdo than a menace. "S-sorry. I’m nervous." 

"That’s alright.” His wife always told him he would get killed by his kindness. He firmly shook that memory away and sat down again. “What were you saying?" 

"This will probably sound really weird,” they started. “Like. Super weird. Okay.” The stranger took another breath while he waited. The rain tapped on the roof above the pair. They glanced up at him. “I know you." 

The unease came back as soon as it had vanished. "We’ve never met." 

"I mean, not technically, but—”

“We haven’t met,” he insisted. “I would remember you.” Despite the circumstances, he hated how accusatory he sounded. “Now, if you’ll excuse me—”

“You’re a poet, but you really enjoy playing the violin.” He froze. That was… not hard to figure out. Just a little research. Don’t panic.

“You play on street corners, and you love it, but you’re in debt. You can’t pay your rent. You’ve moved away from your wife and your kid.” He inhaled sharply, and his eyes widened, but they continued further. “You still love them. You love your wife, but she doesn’t love you because she figured out you’re bisexual." 

"Stop.” It was barely a whisper. 

“You have a lot of friends, but they barely know you. You’re afraid to be alone, but afraid to open up to anyone. You also hate violence. You can’t stand it, because your dad was a corrupt cop—" 

"Don’t." 

"—who was accidentally shot when you were six. You waited for him in the window, and it was eleven at night before any police officers showed up at your empty house. They caught the mugger and put him in jail, but he was released five years ago for good behavior and you still keep tabs on him. You’re paranoid. You push down your fear and your anger because you hate that you’re so damn angry—”

“I said stop.” When had he stood up? He was shaking. A few customers around him had noticed him. The rain pounded outside.

They opened their mouth, and then closed it. “I’m sorry." 

He glanced at the crowd around him and sat again. He wrapped his hands around his hot chocolate and glared at the intruder in front of him. "Who are you?" 

"My name is… Sebastian. He/him. You don’t need to know anything else about me,” he said quietly.

“Like hell I—" 

"You shouldn’t know anything else about me,” Sebastian urged. “It’s not safe." 

He exhaled slowly. He pushed down his anger collected himself before speaking again. "Why are you here? What do you want?”

Sebastian seemed at a loss. His eyes moved to his hands, clasped on the table between them. “I wanted to say hello." 

"That’s not good enough." 

Sebastian grimaced. "I… wanted to say I’m sorry. You try to be kind. You still do." 

The rain fell in sheets, and the two of them stared at each other again. Sebastian’s eyes sparkled a bright green in the dim light. 

"I’m sorry we couldn’t talk more,” Sebastian continued. “I would have liked to actually know you.” He stood and checked his watch. “I’m not supposed to be here." 

He stood too, staring at Sebastian incredulously. "You can’t just—" 

Sebastian awkwardly reached out and touched his shoulder softly. "I’m so sorry, Adam. I really am. I—” he sighed and looked away, dropping his hand. “So long." 

Sebastian turned and walked out into the pouring rain. Adam watched him until he was long out of sight. 

Adam sipped his hot chocolate. It was cold. 

Taglists;

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[thoughtful-yoongi]

2/04- Elementary Card Exchange

day one of my valentines prompt series;

Min Yoongi x Reader

words: 1.2k

lol this was supposed to be a quick drabble but i got too invested like always. enjoy!

Kindergarten year was flying by so fast, it seemed like just yesterday you were sobbing and refusing to let go of your mom’s shirt. Well, to her at least. For your young mind it felt like you had been in kindergarten forever.

With your hair in pigtails you trudged into your class already feeling drowsy. Mom had insisted on playing dress-up forever this morning. What seemed like billions of outfits later you arrived to school in a pale pink shirt and yellow overalls. “Well good morning Miss (Y/N)! Happy Valentines Day!”

Mustering your biggest smile you beamed at your teacher, “Happy Valentines Day Mrs.Grant!”

With your bucket of valentines you skipped over to your seat and sat next to your bestest buddy Yoongi. However, when you look at him you gasp in complete and utter shock! “Yoongi! Where are your valentines!”

He seemed just as confused as you. “What are valentines?”

“You know! You give people candy and cards!”

Yoongi smiled so big you could see the pink of his gums. “White Day? My dad gets my mom chocolate on White Day.”

“No! Valentines Day!”

Yoongi moved here during the summer; he said his dad got a job here in America so they moved. He’s from a place called Daegu, and he gets mad when you don’t say it right. That’s okay though, sometimes a lot of times he doesn’t say english words right either. “I guess it’s different over there in Deegoo.”

“Daegu!” See?!

“But Yoongi, if you don’t have valentines cards you can’t get any either!” While he looked unbothered a huge pout fell on your face. You yanked the top off your valentines bucket and poured the prepared valentines on the table. After dividing the pile with your tiny arm you pushed half of them over to him.

“Why?”

“You’re my best friend and I want my best friend to get valentines too!”

His smile came back so yours did too. And so, the valentines exchange began. Kindergartners swarmed about giving and getting and some screaming, happy to be given so much chocolate. You, on the other hand, walked hand-in-hand with Yoongi the entire time, making sure no one excluded him from the day’s festivities.

Mrs.Grant soon told the class to go back to their seats and gave permission to eat the candy. After sitting, you pulled a very special valentine out of your bag that read “Happy Valentines Day 민윤기!” Your mom had to help you write it, and find it, and know what it means… but Yoongi didn’t have to know that! Proudly, you shoved it at him until he grabbed it for himself and attempted to read.

“Heppy Valentines Day… Min Yoongi!” He stumbled a bit, but you didn’t mind at all. “You know hangul?”

“No, but I know your name!” Your small finger reached out and traced over his name written in glitter. “Min. Yoon. Gi!”

Suddenly Yoongi’s lips met your cheek, and after a moment of realization you pushed him away. “Ew! Don’t do that Yoongi you have cooties!”

He smiled sheepishly and laughed at your expression. Min Yoongi decided he liked Valentines Day.

It truly is strange how life works out.

When you reached the eighth grade Min Yoongi had to move back to South Korea; it was the biggest heartbreak you had faced by that point. You and Yoongi had been best friends since the first day of kindergarten, you had been best friends for a little over nine years.

At first you both worked diligently to stay in contact: letters, the internet, and you even got a summer job to pay for pricey international calls. However, halfway through your freshman year it was like Yoongi disappeared off the face of the earth. You had honestly worried he died, but a phone call from your mom to his confirmed it wasn’t true. On the other hand, you worst fear was coming true.

Distance was making you and Yoongi grow apart.

Then, in an even stranger turn of events, your junior year of high school you were a foreign exchange student to Seoul, where in a literal one-in-a-million chance you ended up going to the same school as him. He explained how the distance hurt too much, and admitted he had fallen for you more and more over the phone calls and letters. He thought it’d hurt less to erase you from his life completely (bonus points if you know the song reference). After lots of apologizing and making up for lost time you were best friends again… and then more than best friends.

That year you fell in love with Min Yoongi, and even after you went home you never had trouble staying in touch again.

And where are you now?

February 14th, 2018.

Opening your eyes was a mistake, because now he knew you were awake. “(Y/NNNNNNN).”

Quickly you squeezed your eyes shut and turned over. Immediately his chest was pressed to your back and he was wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. “Sorry Yoongs, I’m still asleep.”

“Really? That’s a shame, it’s Valentines Day.”

“Who gives a shit?”

“Hmmm, well I got you something.”

Suddenly your eyes shot open and you slowly turned in his arms to face him. His pale hair was in his eyes but you could still see the hope pooling in them. “Really?”

He gave a small laugh before reaching over you to grab a small box off the nearby nightstand. You hadn’t even noticed the box was there, so he must have gotten up earlier to put it there.

He handed it to you and you slowly pulled the top off. When what was inside was fully revealed you gasped, not quite believing he had kept it.

A small, clearly aging, red paper heart roughly the size of your face sat inside it. In golden glitter it read “Happy Valentines Day 민윤기!”

His voice broke you out of your thoughts, sending a rush of excitement through your veins. With caution you pulled the old paper heart out of the box and handed it to Yoongi. After gathering your nerves you looked down into the box and it was like the world stopped; certainly everything had led up to this moment.

Suddenly the hope you had previously seen in Yoongi’s eyes made sense and looking up at him you could see he was anxious, almost twitching with anticipation. You turned your face back to the box and reached out your finger, tracing the words and reading out loud:

“Happy Valentines Day (Y/N). 저와 결혼해 주시겠어요?”

After the initial shock wore off you slowly placed the box, heart still inside, on the nightstand. Yoongi looked so anxious at your silence, so you gave him a lingering kiss. “Min Yoongi?”

He nervously eyed your lips then your eyes, searching. “Yes?”

“Of course I’ll marry you.”

He smiled his iconic gummy smile, the same one you fell in love with all those years ago today in kindergarten. After the both of you laughed in overwhelming bliss he grabbed your face with both hands and kissed you like he didn’t already have the rest of his life to do so.

The both of you break away to take a breather and you wrap yourself even tighter around him. “Happy Valentines Day Yoongi.”

“Happy Valentines Day.”

daisy xoxo

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

American Ways - Sirius Black x Reader

Request : @claireisreallynotonfire  hello my dear!!! could you do a sirius x reader where the reader is a transfer from ilvermorny in like the 6th year and immediately hits it off with the marauders. and sirius is infatuated with her, always calling her pet names, flirting, hugging, and touching and stuff. and reader just thinks it's a joke but one day sirius gets mad bc she's not taking him seriously ( lol pun ) and they end up together bc i really need some fluff with a teaspoon of angst. thanks love Warnings: My English? Language (always lol). Late night, crappy writing.  The image isn’t mine. Credits to its original owner. Also, I am so sorry for making you wait this long but the new semester has already taken a toll on me.  Word Count: 1848 MASTERLIST Pending Requests

It was one thing being the new student but it was completely another thing being the center of attention. It felt weird and… you kind of felt like you were an exhibit when people would stare or point at you. Yeah, okay, maybe you were the ‘American girl’ and yes, you had an accent and blah blah, but you hoped that after a day or two, they would leave you alone. You were being bombarded with questions about Ilvermorny, about your country, about the male population and so on. Well, that happened until four boys had walked on you and literally grabbed your arms and dragged you all the way to the Gryffindor common room. You were about to protest when you realized that they were doing you a favor. You had grown tired of answering the same questions and being looked at… strangely. So, you never really complained. When they finally let go, you just smiled and greeted them. “Hello, boys. Thanks for the rescue” you simply said. They didn’t expect that-far from it, actually. That’s when you became a ‘gang’ as you named it. They were punks and jerks but they were amazing people and really funny. You had no idea why you hit it off so fast but it felt natural. James was the love-struck one, with his hazel eyes and his messy black hair. Lily-pad, Lily-flower and so on, the poor girl must suffer from those awful nicknames. Remus was the ‘dad’; he was a bit more mature and poised but you could see the mischief in his soft caramel eyes. Peter was the little guy, blushing and being quieter than the others, but he was a Marauder after all. And then, it was Sirius. That guy didn’t know how to talk to a girl without flirting with her. His gray eyes would roam the girl’s body, he would be touchy as fuck when he wanted something, he would use cheesy pickup lines and he would always find a reason to pull off his shirt. He had a nice body, yes, you weren’t blind… you could see it. But it was ridiculous how many times he pulled that damn shirt off. In the brief week, you knew them, it must have been ten times already-and the week wasn’t over yet.  

It was official. Sirius Black was the biggest flirt you had ever known. The guy would flirt with you without hesitation, he would call you names, be touchy even clingy. And today was no exception. You were able to stroll around the castle without getting lost like the first weeks. After all, it was almost Christmas. You had to admit that Hogwarts was breathtaking covered in snow. Everything seemed so magical, so serene and so otherworldly. Ilvermorny might held your mind- your friends were there, your ex-boyfriend, your beloved teachers- but Hogwarts stole your heart. You had made more friends than you could believe. Lily was a Muggle-born, as they called them, but she was the brightest witch of her age and uncommonly kind. That last trait seemed to vanish every time James was around, though. She had admitted that she liked him a lot but she could never agree on a date if he was going to ask her three or more times a day. It was infuriating. You had helped James a lot and for that he was grateful. You had told him to leave her be for a while. It was tough for him and you couldn’t help but chuckle every time he opened his mouth only to close it again and walk away. Lily thought it was strange but she missed his crazy ways-and that’s when you played cupid and informed James. And they had the most romantic date ever. Not thanks to him but thanks to you and strangely enough, Sirius. He could be romantic when he wanted to. But that was a very rare sight to witness. Remus was probably the one you were closest with. He was so kind and sweet but he could be cocky and sarcastic that he could out throne Sirius himself. You had put two and two together relatively easy but you didn’t care. If anything, you wanted to help him in any way you could but you were going to let him tell you, whenever he felt like he could trust you enough to do so. You were in the Great Hall, eating breakfast-well, you were drinking a cappuccino(Dumbledore’s courtesy)- with Remus while you were waiting for the other three troublemakers to appear. It was a cold, breezy morning, but it felt so refreshing you didn’t mind wearing two jumpers. It was just a day before the full moon and he was worn out already but he had his nose stuck in a book, nevertheless. You placed a chocolate bar in front of him and he caught the action as he looked worriedly at you. “Eat. You’ll feel better, Moony” you said, emphasizing his nickname. He was smart and he got it immediately. A relaxed smile was plastered onto his lips as he understood that you weren’t going to go anywhere. “Hello, beautiful” a silky voice greeted you. You didn’t really want to admit it but you were smitten. You truly liked him. You liked his steely gray eyes, his aristocratic features, his tousled dark, long locks, his toned torso and his delicate hands. But most importantly, you liked the real him. Not the flirtatious, cocky jerk but the one you had the pleasure of meeting one very cold and lonely night. You couldn’t sleep and you were sitting by the common room’s fireplace. That night you had seen the real Sirius. The one behind the façade and the masks. The one who suffered the effects of insomnia because of his past, the one who was always too scared that he would lose his friends. That Sirius spoke to your heart. And you found yourself falling… hard. “Hello, handsome” you greeted back with a playful smile. That was just his thing. He would flirt with you but you never thought he meant it. Like, how could he? You had accepted the fact that you didn’t really stand a chance with him. He was out of your league. He could have any girl he wanted and of course, you weren’t one of them. He just played with you-not in a bad way, but still. It was just a game. You couldn’t resist, though. You had to play as well. He sat next to you, his hand resting on your knee and his mouth forming a devilish smirk. He kept his eyes fixed on you until you felt uncomfortable. “You’re staring” you commented, hoping that he will stop playing the damn game. “I’m gazing” he retorted nonchalantly, as he drew patterns with his fingers on your thigh. He had to stop. “It’s creepy” you tried to sound stern but you failed miserably. You smiled and shrugged it off as he whispered under his breath, something you couldn’t possibly believe you had heard correctly. “It’s romantic”. Yeah, you had probably heard wrong. You continued ignoring him and his flirty ways for a couple of hours. You had to give it to him. He had upped his game. Today, he was extra touchy, extra flirty, extra huggy, extra clingy, extra… You tried to make it to your next class in time, he had to carry your books. You tried to eat lunch, he had to pile up your plate. You had forgotten your quill, he had to give you his. Somebody tried to flirt with you, he had to smack your bum- that was the final hit. You were alone in the common room, as it was already after midnight, trying to study. James had fallen asleep holding Lily, Peter was all cuddly with Mary and Remus… well, Remus was actually studying. But you didn’t miss the side looks he was giving you.   When that guy had come up and told you that you looked very beautiful in that jumper, all hell had broken loose. Sirius marked you- yes, he did- as his when you weren’t and you didn’t even have a chance. Once the guy left and you were among friends, you snapped at him and scowled him, waking up the sleepy heads. “How thick can you get?” you questioned angrily but from the looks of it, he was a bit angrier. He stood up abruptly, while the rest of your friends were trying to pretend that they didn’t exist. “How thick can I get? How dense can you be?” he spat at you, his silver eyes twinkling with madness and… desperation? “You know what? Screw it! I don’t want to play your little games anymore, I am so done. I don’t like that you are making a fool out of me every time you are all flirty when you don’t mean it in the first place” you practically screamed at him. His cheeks were red with anger and his pupils dilatated. “You are crazy! You are insane if you think I just flirt with you so I can play. You are delusional if you believe that I am not absolutely infatuated with you and your American ways. You are just stupid if you think that I am playing. I am so fucking in love with you and it scares the shit out of me because I have never- EVER- fallen in love before and I have no idea how to deal with all those damn butterflies- YES, you gave me butterflies, and my stomach flips every time I see you and I-” You grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close, crashing your lips to his with force. He finally shut it. His hands were wrapped around your waist immediately as he deepened the kiss, biting your bottom lip hard, demanding permission to explore your mouth. Exactly before a moan could escape your mouth, people were fake coughing to make you realize that you weren’t alone. You pulled apart but he didn’t let go. “So, you like my American ways?” you asked softly as you made eye contact with him. He smiled brightly yet seductively and he kissed your cheek. “I do. You know what else I like? Your sweet American ass” he said loud enough for everyone to hear, as his hands slipped down to your bum.  James laughed but Lily called him a perv. You just blushed but you couldn’t really believe that you had kissed him and that he had never played with you. He was being honest and he was showing you all the affection in the world. You had to make it up to him. “Maybe we can continue in my dorm?” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows cheekily, making you chuckle at his childish action, when three, big, fat, loud no’s were heard. You turned and witnessed three frightened faces looking at you with utter terror. You found yourself laughing along with Sirius and Lily. Yes, Hogwarts had stolen your heart for sure. And you couldn’t love it more

tags: @orionsirivsblack @kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage 

[jerrisdiction]

SeoulSearching: Chapter 01

Long story short, the perfectionist in me considered this trip a complete failure. But I'll accept that with gratitude- after all, there's a first time for everything.

One of these "first times" was using automated check-in, which did not work for us anyway, since there were other procedures we were to complete in person. Nonetheless, the staff were all relaxed and helpful.

And yes, more surprisingly, it was the first time we used McDonald's automated ordering kiosks to order light supper, for the counters were closed that night.

I've had better spicy nuggets than these.

Another 'first': being on a late night flight, which we all regretted. Even Mum, who's usually a heavy sleeper, complained of being sleep deprived. As for me, it goes without saying that I disembarked in the morning half-disoriented.

I did look forward to witnessing the sunrise on the plane though. It wasn't crisp clear, and I couldn't take a shot of the crimson horizon from my seat. But a beautiful 5am view, it was.

In-flight meals were served shortly before 7am, but I suppose most of us were just tired and indifferent towards the food by then. The three of us opted for stir fried noodles with fried fish fillet, which surprised me a little as I thought Dad would prefer having porridge. Then again, Korean style porridge is likely very different from what we're used to.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

Upon arrival, Dad was amused that the immigration there, like Taiwan, used index fingerprints instead of thumbprints. I couldn't care less, so long the process was smooth. It did take slightly shorter than clearing the Taiwanese customs.

The next step was to purchase our T-money cards - also the first time I spoke Korean to a local there. As expected, it failed quite miserably. My mind already went blank when the GS25 staff told us that they did not sell normal 2,500won T-money cards. Thank goodness another staff came in and intercepted the awkwardness with some English.

Along the way I learnt that it's okay to speak a little bit of simple English. In fact, much better than struggling to be understood in Korean, only in vain. Fast forward to our arrival at Hongdae, where we deposited our luggage with Safex, their staff was pretty relaxed with conversing in English. (I think it's me who needs to relax LOL.)

Hongdae was a place with inexplicably good vibes that afternoon, even though most recommend going in the evening. We settled at a random restaurant, and it turned out to be our favourite meal in the entire trip. Each of us got this huge portion of bibimbap at just 6,500won.

At this point I probably figured out the distinction between traditional bibimbap and the more 'modern' ones like this. Traditional vegetable toppings typically include mushrooms, carrots, spinach, soybean sprouts, and cucumbers. But I don't recall much of those in this bowl- instead, alfafa sprouts, chopped yellow radish and cabbage were among the highlights. Making a wild guess right here that these modern variations are more widely seen in areas like Hongdae to appeal to youths and tourists. Not saying that traditional bibimbap tastes worse, but it had become a tad boring for our family overtime.

We later ventured down the smaller streets of Hongdae, passing by several stores and cafés- each with their own character. I recall being in awe with one of the many accessory stores; its rustic industrial design was well complemented with its scent, probably from a diffuser. Almost felt like stepping into an unfamiliar realm, even though earrings were its highlight.

We also visited Market A, but somehow none of us had a thing for their pieces. They just felt like elegant vibes I couldn't carry. Mum also commented that their pieces are mostly in 'plain' colours. Yes, precisely that- there isn't really a colour the locals can't manage, given their fair skin. In subsequent days, I also observed that they mostly wore such neutral, muted colours to work, especially black and cream.

Meanwhile, Dad had been sitting outside the store, coughing non-stop still. He was obviously displeased with all the walking, and the lack of sleep was taking a toll on him. Surprisingly though, he suggested to find a café nearby to recharge (he was never the type to visit cafés). So we gradually tried to find our way out.

The parents were doubtful when I started going underneath one of the bridges, but wow it turned out to be a really nice spot with shade. 책거리, or what I'd interpret as "Book Street" is such an apt name for a path leading students from the subway station exits towards the university. The afternoon breeze blowing under the bridge also came refreshing after a long walk in the sun. And witnessing some elderly folks reading together in the shade simply completed the picture.

Hongdae is, indeed, definitely more than its nightclubs, restaurants and fashion trends.

Thanks stranger for making this picture even more perfect. Really love the lines and warm vibes in this shot.

That street also had me noticing all the gorgeous flowers Seoul had to offer. I don't have good shots of them up close, for they were better admired in abundance.

Lots of white daisies in this city... I guess the more you avoid something, the more often you see them.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

This café (located in a mall near Exit 4) caught our attention so after some mindless shopping there, we picked a few items for afternoon coffee.

Their coffee (forgot which one Mum ordered for us) wasn't really something I'd fancy. It was our first time trying an beurre - seemingly just bread with cream and red bean filling but, of course, more sophisticated.

I picked up a chocolate financier as well, for I hadn't had one in years. Dad did not think much of it, but I never expected a financier to be the highlight anyway. But it's decently rich (damn, is this a pun HAHA) for me.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

Little did we know that the real challenge was to come after we collected our luggage and headed to Seoul Station. Mum suggested visiting Lotte Mart before checking into our apartment, but it was a really long walk from the airport line. Hell, if the walk within Dhoby Ghaut station was already a chore, I bet this was way, way worse especially with us lugging our baggage around.

By this time, Dad was having the runs and displaying more discomfort, so he decided to rest outside Lotte Mart, giving us 30 minutes to shop. I'd thought this was a great place with variety, for I'd always liked shopping in supermarkets but... The crowd, the tourists, even the promoters enthusiastically drawing customers in with Mandarin were quite a turn-off for me. It really just felt like a place for tourists to sweep all those goodies away last minute before they head home. And seeing Mum almost turn into a child in a candy store got me thinking, this is a bad sign.

When we finally got out of Lotte Mart, somehow Kakao Map failed us and could not point us in a direction that seemed right. Some bickering and struggling later, we decided to lug all that baggage underground once again back to the airport line to find the other station exit, since the subway was our only hope with more visible signs.

And after what seemed like endless walking, we reached our apartment in sheer exhaustion.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

By the time we recharged ourselves enough to go out for dinner, it was yet another challenge to decide what to eat. There were several (probably family owned) restaurants near the estate, but after passing by the lots of them, we headed back to Lotte Mart - this time via a shorter route we'd found.

Lotte Mart isn't so bad after all, for there were a few stalls that sold really affordable and filling meals. We ordered one set of steamed dumplings and 2 sets of kimbap for 13,000won, and though that wasn't way too filling, at least we were able to finish it all - Dad didn't like the tuna kimbap while I didn't like the tonkatsu kimbap so we swapped LOL. Somehow the dumplings were the highlight for me, not sure if it was the filling or the soy sauce.

On our way back, we hopped into a minimart and bought some bread for breakfast the next day (though later on I ate none of it). Oh, and out of curiosity Mum and I tried a spicy vegetable kebab thingy, it kind of set my tongue on fire but felt super shiok (much better than Spicy McNuggets, huh).

Back at the apartment, the duo started generating more complaints of our humble home for the next 4 days. Again, I was the one to blame (who else?), but that didn't bother me much for we were all scrambling to catch up on sleep that night.

[two-friends-read-hp]

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Hermione’s Secret

Good God Snape, can you stop being obsessed with revenge for five minutes?

Well since Snape treats any other student like shit, yes you could say he treats Harry like any other student

Aww look at that, for the first time, all three of them are in the hospital wing together

What is the remedy for facing a dementor for someone who really doesn’t like chocolate?

Lol, Madame Pomfrey just stuffing chocolate into Harry’s mouth to shut him up and then shoving him into bed is hilarious, sorry Harry

Poppy Pomfrey is a nice name

I wonder what compelled Dumbledore to go to Harry and Hermione to fix this, like, what made him believe Sirius? Did Sirius turn into a dog to show him the truth? That if he’s an unregistered Animagus, then the possibility of Pettigrew being one is also high? Did the expression of grief or remorse on Sirius’ face convince Dumbledore? Will we ever know?

I cannot believe that Hermione, the brightest witch of her age, just FORGOT she had a device that could manipulate time… I get that a lot of stuff happened tonight, but like, when she was lying in the hospital bed at least, couldn’t she have remembered? Was she panicking too much to remember? Ok, I’ll give her that… she is only human, and also a child

Oh snap, they went from the hospital wing to the deserted entrance hall… but how? Does it take you back to where you last were at that specific time? Isn’t that bad for when you’re trying not to get caught by your other self?

Wooow, so all that stuff happened within three hours?? They weren’t passed out for too long I guess, or all that other stuff happened pretty quick and they were passed out for a couple of hours

I love how Dumbledore had full faith that they’d pull off this insane plan… I suppose he literally had no other option, and he himself couldn’t do it

Gosh, I wonder how many times Hermione has done third year then… that’s basically what this means right? Going back in time and re-using the same hours

I love this Harry Hermione quality time adventure… this is actually one of the things that made me think that they were going to end up together lol

The map of Hogwarts that they provided at the start of the book is proving itself very handy now

Lol yeah, I still don’t know how they pulled off the Buckbeak rescue thing, especially since they had to wait for the ministry people to see that Buckbeak was tied outside ‘...”That gives us about sixty seconds,”...’ lol

OH, I just realised! What if Dumbledore already saw them saving Buckbeak? So maybe that’s how he knew that they were meant to be the ones to follow through with this plan!

Wait a minute… if he saw them he’d have just assumed that it’s the regular Harry and Hermione, not the future ones… ah let’s continue and see if we find any more clues

Wow, the stakes are really high with this time-turner… people have ended up accidentally killing their past/future selves! And McGonagall gave it to Hermione! I know she’s smart and responsible and all… but she’s also thirteen

OK, IT’S TIME GUYS! GO GO GO

I can’t believe I never noticed that the executioner’s name is Walden… that’s such a dumb name lol

OH OK! So Dumbledore saw that Buckbeak escaped somehow and when he found out what happened at the lake, he realised something was up and it probably had something to do with the time-turner! So that’s what convinced him… things that had already happened

It’s very difficult to wrap my head around it lol… how have people with time-turners not gone crazy? Why didn’t McGonagall just tell Hermione that she couldn’t choose all the subjects and had to just make up her mind already? Especially considering the amount of energy she’d have to use

Aww this time they could hear Hagrid’s words through the sobs

‘... Hagrid, I could do with a cup of tea. Or a large brandy…’ LOL I like that they used the same words for the movie

Gasp! Harry thought he saw his dad? His dad who is dead? But… how can that be?? Dun dun duuuuun

Harry kept beating around the bushes before he finally told Hermione he thought he saw his dad for good reason because then Hermione reacted with alarm and pity

I always feel sad when he’s trying to explain to Hermione that he’d seen photos of his father and the person at the lake looked like his father

Aww… he’s  so hopeful that he could’ve seen his dad

We learn so much about James in this book

Ok so they were in the tree for over an hour, that means they were passed out for a fairly short time, how long are people usually passed out for?

TGFH

Oh… I see... They had to do it before Sirius was given up to the dementors because if they knew that he was gone, they’d have failed the mission, so they had to go back in time before that happened so that they could have a chance of saving him… does that make sense? Like, they didn’t know what the outcome was going to be, and with that in mind, they were basically free to do whatever they could to save him because they didn’t know if they were going to fail or not. With Buckbeak, Dumbledore knew they’d succeeded, and keeping that in mind, he had to tell them to save Sirius too before he accompanied Fudge to give Sirius up to the dementors… I get it now

I suppose the takeaway here is that whatever you decide to do now, that’s what matters the most

OH WOW OK, so I guess I keep remembering the movie and forgetting the book lol, they absolutely avoided a terrible fate with the werewolf very quickly there… good thinking Harry

Oh yeah… whoever had sent that Patronus is going to show up soon!

GUYS GET READY IT’S THE BEST PART

Here it is, he’s waiting for someone to come, waiting for someone to save him, but no one’s coming...

Oh? He’d seen himself you say? And he mistook himself for his father??

The only person that could save him, was himself… it’s a lesson that we are stronger than we think and able to overcome more than we know, it’s such an important lesson!

I also love that Hermione was like, “don’t do the thing I told you not to do” and then he does exactly that lol, I suppose it’s what saved him and he’s lucky that he’d basically passed out, so he didn’t see exactly who saved him, but also he realised that he’d already seen himself do it so it was instrumental in a way?

It was a stag? Interesting…

Prongs!

I like that they didn’t tell us what James’ animal form was earlier… finding out this way is infinitely better

And in a way, his father did save him through himself

Oooh, about to get ripped apart by Hermione!

It must’ve been really hard to knock on the window while Buckbeak was flying

I like how Sirius is at a loss for words and they’re just like, ‘can you hurry up and escape already? THEY ARE GOING TO KILL YOU SIRIUS! Jeez!’ LOL

I also like that Sirius asked about Ron… aww

They did it!

Chapter 22

[mvssmallow]

Cloudy With A Chance

Part 12: …of Shorts Weather.

Masterlist

2 weeks later.

Hanbin taps his fingers to a directionless rhythm on the surface of his table. He’s written two paragraphs, both terrible, on a topic he wishes someone else got. Sometimes he loves his job but sometimes he wonders if he was just wasting his time writing articles he barely cares about.

“Are you planning on branching out into EDM? Dub-step? Big beat?” Donghyuk asks wearily from behind his laptop.

“Huh?”

“Oh I assume that’s what the tapping is about? Because surely you can’t be doing that just to annoy me, right?”

He retracts his finger back into his fist. “Sorry. This article just really isn’t working.”

Donghyuk sighs and looks at the clock on the wall before taking his glasses off to rub his eyes. “I’d help you but mine isn’t really working either. Business Week is so boring to write about. It’s nearly 3 though, why don’t you make yourself useful and do the caffeine run?”

“Yeah okay. Do you want the same thing again?”

“No, we’re stuck in a rut. I feel like something different today. Surprise me. Might not be such a bad idea for you to try something new as well?”

Hanbin rolls his eyes as he passes Donghyuk’s desk on the way out, “Yes, Dad.”

The temperature in their office is always set at a crisp 22 degrees (to prevent cozy unproductive lethargy) but outside is a warm and sunny 30 degrees. It’d be stifling if there wasn’t a light breeze through his thin summer shirt and it’d be even more unbearable if Jiwon hadn’t sent his obligatory text at 7am that morning.

[hey, fyi its gonna be really hot 2day. SHORTS WEATHER!!! have a good day at work, call me later xxJ]

He chuckles to himself thinking of how many pairs of shorts Jiwon must own by now (probably a few pairs shy of 100). It gets him thinking about Jiwon’s wardrobe, then his room, then his apartment…

…the one that Hanbin has never even been to.

Was it weird? It must be weird. They’ve never even seen the inside of each other’s apartments. Or hugged since that day at June’s. Or even had a proper date by themselves. Or kissed again.

It was weird.

It was backwards.

He frowns as he passes the bookshop where there’s a poster for the new book by Haruki Murakami, no doubt about another tragically beautifully relationship that will have him turning the pages well into the dawn and wondering why his own life wasn’t as poetic or why he couldn’t write as well or why he just can’t be like everyone else.

Stop it Hanbin.

Stop it.

He wills himself to stop mourning about normalcy or wanting to join the conveyer belt of society-approved romantics when he knows that the thing he has with Jiwon is totally and utterly not normal.

He’s feeling better by the time he’s reached the familiar corner cafe. It welcomes him in with its comforting smell of sweet chocolate, happy yellow almond cakes, floral herbal teas and life-affirming coffee. Maybe that’s why everyone who works there looks like they’ve got a permanent IV drip to the fountain of youth and all the customers come in looking like fading zombies.

He waits for his order by the window, getting lost in watching life walk up and down the street; there was an old man trying to courier a giant painting on his bike, a teenage punk with about fifteen piercings on his face and a young couple trying to corral their three tiny children in line for ice-cream.

But inevitably, as with most of his thought processes lately, he ends up thinking about Jiwon and what he’d be doing at the garage right at that moment. It’s pervasive, just like his negative thoughts, but instead of drowning in anxiety, anything Jiwon-flavoured fills him with security and optimism. He’s trying to adjust but the change still constantly surprises him (in a good way). No matter how wild and convoluted his thoughts become or how far they stray off course, Jiwon is always there in his mind, like a lighthouse at sea or a magnet that drags him back to North.

On a whim, Hanbin takes his phone out of his pocket.

[hey, do you want to have dinner together tonight?]

He’s walking back to the office when he gets a reply.

[do we have to cook it?]

[no, hospitals dates aren’t fun]

[then yes, lol. sorry really swamped right now, call you later]

[ok bunny, xxh]

[xxj]

It’s 5:30pm and the sun is beginning to ride low in the sky, casting a golden-peach haze over the city. Jiwon is waiting across the street from his office but instead of walking towards the car, Hanbin feels like he’s walking straight into a John Hughes high school movie.

Jiwon is leaning casually against the driver’s side door, scrolling and smiling at something on his phone. He’s wearing that soft worn-in white t-shirt that Hanbin likes (and has put on his To Steal One Day list), the sleeves are rolled up high to reveal more of the smooth tanned skin of his arms, each ridge and muscle defined every time the sun hits at the right angle. His hair is getting longer now, falling and tickling his eyes until he looks up to shake it away.

It’s then that their eyes meet across the street.

And Hanbin feels 15 years old again. He’s taken back to the exact moment when he first locked eyes with the American exchange student who transferred to his school and awoke everything that had been lying dormant in his mind for 15 years.

He swallows thickly and tries to calm down the intensity of his emotions but the way his stomach still drops, even after all this time, the way his smile is automatic in Jiwon’s presence, the way he can’t remember anything terrible for those few seconds, the way everything was so obvious, even if neither of them said it out loud….

This must be his Murakami moment.

Stop it, Hanbin.

Stop romanticising everything.

He’s just a person.

He’s just a person.

He’s honestly surprised he doesn’t get run over while trying to cross the road because did he even look both ways? He doesn’t remember.

“Hey.” Jiwon’s smile is bright and toothy, it says absolutely everything about him.

“Hey.” He says, wondering frantically if they should hug or kiss or handshake or high five now.

“Good day at work?”

“Not really, I couldn’t write anything decent.” He sighs.

“Oh that sucks.” Jiwon says as he pushes himself off the car and comes around to open the passenger’s side door. “What’s your topic this week?”

Hanbin just stares at the gesture as Jiwon walks away to open his own door. “Oh ummm, the the rise of mid-twenties CEOs and the growth of independent businesses.”

When they’re both buckled in, Jiwon wakes the Beast up with that brutal growl that always shoots straight to the primitive corner of Hanbin’s brain and gets his adrenaline going.

“Hey, why don’t you talk to June or Yoyo? They’ve got their own business and have a lot of friends like that. Might help you get some ideas?”

Hanbin pauses. Why didn’t he think of that?

“Why didn’t I think of that? Urgh, where were you eight hours ago?” He groans.

Jiwon gives him a proud smile that makes him look 10 years old. “Underneath the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Wait, what?” Hanbin’s eyes widen in surprise and his voice is annoyingly high-pitched.

“Someone dropped off a 1961 California Spyder at the garage today.” Comes the cheeky reply and Hanbin grumbles with fake irritation, reaching over to punch Jiwon on the arm, leaving the other cackling and pretending that it hurts.

“You’re a jerk.” He says, trying to keep the relief out of his voice but obviously failing because he knows when he’s been busted. “Anyway, have all the car affairs you want. I think I’m going to just call you next time I get writer’s block though.”

Jiwon shifts the BMW into reverse, arm coming to rest behind Hanbin’s seat as he backs out onto the street, the movement causing just the faintest ghost of that familiar woodsy cologne to float between them. “So am I your new personal consultant?”

“Yes.”

“What’s the pay like?”

“Terrible. Virtually zero dollars.”

“God, how cheap are you?!” Jiwon teases as they stop at a red light, he fiddles with the buttons to the sound system before settling on an old Drake song.“You couldn’t afford me anyway.”

“Oh really. What’s your going rate these days?”

“One million dollars,” Jiwon replies smugly before looking across with that arrogant smirk that Hanbin finds annoyingly attractive. “Or….like, 20 hugs.”

Hanbin gives him an amused scoff. “Only 20? Deal.”

“No, I changed my mind. I want 40.”

“Oh 40? Then, no. No deal.”

Jiwon laughs loudly. “Fine. I’ll just keep all these good ideas to myself.”

“You are such a loser. It’s all your fault for being so distracting when I’m trying to work.”

“Hey, don’t blame me! In case you forgot, you agreed to date me so really, who is the bigger loser here?” Jiwon says. “And besides, if you blame me for anything, you’re kinda half blaming yourself. That’s the way things work now.”

Hanbin opens his mouth but ends up saying nothing.

Jiwon looks over with a quirk of his eyebrow. “What?”

“I’m stealing that to use in a future article.”

“Okay, I’ll put it on your tab. You owe me one million dollars and 40 hugs.”

“This is turning out to be a costly relationship.” He says with an exaggerated frown that really just wants to be a smile.

“Yeah suck it up, buddy.” Jiwon laughs. “Anyways, since you’re so poor, I’ll get dinner tonight. What do you feel like?”

“Italian?”

“You want to go eat out or…” Jiwon trails off, an uncertain expression on his angular face.

“I don’t really want to sit in a restaurant.” Hanbin says, trying to be brave for once but looking out the window the entire time. “Can we just get take-out? We could come back and eat it at my apartment.”

“Oh.” Jiwon says, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Only if you want to.” He adds quickly, heart jumping right into his throat as he dares to flick his eyes up in curiosity.

Jiwon is just smiling at him. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Cool. I want pasta then.” He says in relief but still completely avoiding Jiwon’s eyes again out of embarrassment. “And something with bacon.”

“Okay, baby. Whatever you want.”

It’s just one word but it still causes the butterflies in his stomach to crash into each other like a fleet of kamikaze bombers. He wonders when the thrill will wear off and hopes that the answer is: never.

After finding the Italian restaurant, they sit in the parking lot listening to the rest of the Drake album while waiting for their order. It’s exactly where Hanbin loves to be on a warm evening: in the passengers seat, watching Jiwon sit at the wheel, casually rapping along to old hip-hop and in the process, killing him very very slowly.

“You’re really good.” He says.

“At what? Like, in general?”

He rolls his eyes. “At rapping. You’re so good at it. Do you ever want to get back to it? Do it seriously?”

Jiwon scrunches up his face like Hanbin just reminded him of something painful. “Yeah but something always comes up, you know?”

Neglected dreams are something Hanbin knows all about.

“Yeah I do actually. I’ve been wanting to write my book for awhile but it’s never gone beyond a passing hobby. Work kinda gets in the way. Or life does.”

“You should just write it.” Jiwon replies simply.

“And you should just rap.” He shoots back.

Jiwon lets out a quiet sigh as he plays with the door handle. “I need practice. The other guys would kick my ass if I turned up to battles like this. I want to go back though. One day.”

“So why don’t you? You could probably kick all their asses.”

Jiwon chuckles. “Have you even heard the other guys?”

Hanbin looks over shrugging. “Is that even relevant? It doesn’t make you any less good.”

“You rate me way too highly.” Jiwon says but even as the words come out he’s reaching across to run his fingers through Hanbin’s hair. “And you’re not exactly objective. Would you tell me if I was shit?”

“Of course I would! What do you take me for? Not like I’m blinded by-”

Oh no.

Shut up Hanbin.

He talked himself into a corner again.

Panic starts to set in but strangely enough, it doesn’t fully take hold because Jiwon doesn’t even tease or ask him about it, he just softly raps along to the music and continues playing with Hanbin’s hair until they get called in to pick up their order.

The good thing about anxiety is that all it takes for you to stop worrying about one thing is to become so distracted with another until there’s just a neat orderly ranking system. He likes systems. The order calms his mind. He was so busy being stressed about saying the wrong thing in the car that he totally ran out of time to worry about Jiwon seeing his apartment.

“Okay, so, come in. It’s a bit messy.” He says nervously as he pushes his door open and hastily tidies the stack of unread catalogues by the entrance.

Jiwon wanders in gingerly, looking around and chuckling inwardly at the distinct lack of mess anywhere. “I was here two weeks ago. Remember?”

“You were only in my doorway. Don’t judge the rest of it.” He says as he toes off his Nikes and jams his feet into old Snoopy slippers. “The kitchen is through there.”

“I’m not gonna judge it!” Jiwon shouts as he pads into the kitchen, placing the plastic bag of food on the small wooden table before turning around to survey the neat space. “God. It looks like an accident happened in here. How can you even live like this!!?”

Hanbin knows it’s just teasing but he goes red anyway. “I bet your place is worse!” He fires back.

Jiwon shrugs and grins. “I don’t know, want to come over next week?”

“Next week?”

“Yeah I’m gonna need the entire week to clean it.”

He kicks at Jiwon’s shin, the Snoopy slippers cushioning most of the blow and completely defeating the purpose. “Loser.”

“Stop being rude to your guest.” Jiwon scolds mockingly before pointing to the cupboards. “So where do you keep your plates and stuff?”

He gives a brief tour of his kitchen, from the over processed pantry to his collection of cartoon mugs, pointedly ignoring the sniggers when Jiwon finds all his new plates and cutlery still in their boxes. “Have many people over, Hanbin?”

“Only you and the Queen.” He snaps.

They sit and eat at his small dining table, talking about which one of them should learn to how to cook (both), which one is neater (definitely Hanbin), which one is better at fixing things (definitely Jiwon) and which one would be more likely to become a millionaire before the age of 30 (definitely neither).

It’s only when they’re standing at his sink to do the dishes that the occasion catches up with Hanbin.

Jiwon was in his apartment.

They just had dinner together.

He didn’t have an aneurysm from the stress.

What would Murakami write about this?

“Hanbin?”Jiwon is holding a wet dish out for him to dry. “In your head again?”

He takes the plate and nods. “I’m just thinking.”

“Anything you want to tell me about?”

“I was just thinking of the rap thing again. You’re so good Jiwon. It’d be such a waste if you didn’t just go for it. I’m sure you’re awesome at the garage because you’re good with your hands and I promise I’ll still like you no matter what you end up doing but honestly, you should really think about the rap thing again.” He doesn’t know why he always sounds so flighty and high-pitched when he rambles.

Jiwon gives him that one unreadable look that Hanbin had never been able to decipher. He has no idea what it means. It’s the one with the small smile, slight nod and slow blinks. What the hell does that one mean?

“I’ll think about it okay?”

“Yeah you should.”

“Hey, let’s make a pact.”

Hanbin gives him a condescending look. “Are you 12 years old? Are we at summer camp? Where are the friends-forever bracelets?”

Jiwon flicks water at him. “No listen, let’s both do it together. You start your book and I’ll do this rap thing. Give ourselves like a year? If it doesn’t go anywhere at least we can say we tried?”

“Seriously?” He asks skeptically.

“Seriously.” Jiwon nods and reaches over to dry his hands on the tea towel Hanbin is still holding. “That way we’ll both be annoying at the same time.”

“And stressed at the same time.”

“But maybe happy and successful at the same time?”

He shakes his head. “You haven’t thought this through. We’re going to need a plan. We should really make a plan. I have planning paper.” He says, trying to be helpful.

Jiwon takes the tea towel from his hands, throwing it on the bench before pulling at his shirt. “Come here.”

He has a fleeting thought about gravity before silencing his brain and sinking into Jiwon’s arms.

Oh.

Finally.

Their first proper hug.

He all but melts into it like gooey chocolate, savouring how reassuringly solid Jiwon’s body is underneath his soft cotton t-shirt and the slow sigh he lets out when Hanbin winds his arms around his back. Above all, he savours how truly safe and secure he feels in this completely ordinary and mundane moment. Jiwon was just comforting. Or comfortable. Or both. He was the mash-potato-warm-blanket-kind of comfortable and Hanbin doesn’t want to let go.

“I love that you have planning paper.”

“Surprised?” He mumbles into Jiwon’s t-shirt.

He feels a kiss on the top of his head and fingers brushing through his hair. “No baby, I’m not.”

[ginandvice]

Cloudy With A Chance

Part 12: …of shorts weather.

2 weeks later.

Hanbin taps his fingers to a directionless rhythm on the surface of his table. He’s written two paragraphs, both terrible, on a topic he wishes someone else got. Sometimes he loves his job but sometimes he wonders if he was just wasting his time writing articles he barely cares about. 

“Are you planning on branching out into EDM? Dub-step? Big beat?” Donghyuk asks wearily from behind his laptop.

“Huh?”

“Oh I assume that’s what the tapping is about? Because surely you can’t be doing that just to annoy me, right?”

He retracts his finger back into his fist. “Sorry. This article just really isn’t working.”

Donghyuk sighs and looks at the clock on the wall before taking his glasses off to rub his eyes. “I’d help you but mine isn’t really working either. Business Week is so boring to write about. It’s nearly 3 though, why don’t you make yourself useful and do the caffeine run?”

“Yeah okay. Do you want the same thing again?”

“No, we’re stuck in a rut. I feel like something different today. Surprise me. Might not be such a bad idea for you to try something new as well?”

Hanbin rolls his eyes as he passes Donghyuk’s desk on the way out, “Yes, Dad.”

The temperature in their office is always set at a crisp 22 degrees (to prevent cozy unproductive lethargy) but outside is a warm and sunny 30 degrees. It’d be stifling if there wasn’t a light breeze through his thin summer shirt and it’d be even more unbearable if Jiwon hadn’t sent his obligatory text at 7am that morning.

[hey, fyi its gonna be really hot 2day. SHORTS WEATHER!!! have a good day at work, call me later xxJ]

He chuckles to himself thinking of how many pairs of shorts Jiwon must own by now (probably a few pairs shy of 100). It gets him thinking about Jiwon’s wardrobe, then his room, then his apartment…

…the one that Hanbin has never even been to.

Was it weird? It must be weird. They’ve never even seen the inside of each other’s apartments. Or hugged since that day at June’s. Or even had a proper date by themselves. Or kissed again.

It was weird.

It was backwards.

He frowns as he passes the bookshop where there’s a poster for the new book by Haruki Murakami, no doubt about another tragically beautifully relationship that will have him turning the pages well into the dawn and wondering why his own life wasn’t as poetic or why he couldn’t write as well or why he just can’t be like everyone else.

Stop it Hanbin.

Stop it.

He wills himself to stop mourning about normalcy or wanting to join the conveyer belt of society-approved romantics when he knows that the thing he has with Jiwon is totally and utterly not normal.

He’s feeling better by the time he’s reached the familiar corner cafe. It welcomes him in with its comforting smell of sweet chocolate, happy yellow almond cakes, floral herbal teas and life-affirming coffee. Maybe that’s why everyone who works there looks like they’ve got a permanent IV drip to the fountain of youth and all the customers come in looking like fading zombies.

He waits for his order by the window, getting lost in watching life walk up and down the street; there was an old man trying to courier a giant painting on his bike, a teenage punk with about fifteen piercings on his face and a young couple trying to corral their three tiny children in line for ice-cream.

But inevitably, as with most of his thought processes lately, he ends up thinking about Jiwon and what he’d be doing at the garage right at that moment. It’s pervasive, just like his negative thoughts, but instead of drowning in anxiety, anything Jiwon-flavoured fills him with security and optimism. He’s trying to adjust but the change still constantly surprises him (in a good way). No matter how wild and convoluted his thoughts become or how far they stray off course, Jiwon is always there in his mind, like a lighthouse at sea or a magnet that drags him back to North.

On a whim, Hanbin takes his phone out of his pocket.

[hey, do you want to have dinner together tonight?]

He’s walking back to the office when he gets a reply.

[do we have to cook it?]

[no, hospitals dates aren’t fun]

[then yes, lol. sorry really swamped right now, call you later]

[ok bunny, xxh]

[xxj]

It’s 5:30pm and the sun is beginning to ride low in the sky, casting a golden-peach haze over the city. Jiwon is waiting across the street from his office but instead of walking towards the car, Hanbin feels like he’s walking straight into a John Hughes high school movie.

Jiwon is leaning casually against the driver’s side door, scrolling and smiling at something on his phone. He’s wearing that soft worn-in white t-shirt that Hanbin likes (and has put on his To Steal One Day list), the sleeves are rolled up high to reveal more of the smooth tanned skin of his arms, each ridge and muscle defined every time the sun hits at the right angle. His hair is getting longer now, falling and tickling his eyes until he looks up to shake it away.

It’s then that their eyes meet across the street.

And Hanbin feels 15 years old again. He’s taken back to the exact moment when he first locked eyes with the American exchange student who transferred to his school and awoke everything that had been lying dormant in his mind for 15 years. 

He swallows thickly and tries to calm down the intensity of his emotions but the way his stomach still drops, even after all this time, the way his smile is automatic in Jiwon’s presence, the way he can’t remember anything terrible for those few seconds, the way everything was so obvious, even if neither of them said it out loud….

This must be his Murakami moment.

Stop it, Hanbin.

Stop romanticising everything.

He’s just a person.

He’s just a person.

He’s honestly surprised he doesn’t get run over while trying to cross the road because did he even look both ways? He doesn’t remember. 

“Hey.” Jiwon’s smile is bright and toothy, it says absolutely everything about him.

“Hey.” He says, wondering frantically if they should hug or kiss or handshake or high five now.

“Good day at work?”

“Not really, I couldn’t write anything decent.” He sighs. 

“Oh that sucks.” Jiwon says as he pushes himself off the car and comes around to open the passenger’s side door. “What’s your topic this week?”

Hanbin just stares at the gesture as Jiwon walks away to open his own door. “Oh ummm, the the rise of mid-twenties CEOs and the growth of independent businesses.”

When they’re both buckled in, Jiwon wakes the Beast up with that brutal growl that always shoots straight to the primitive corner of Hanbin’s brain and gets his adrenaline going.

“Hey, why don’t you talk to June or Yoyo? They’ve got their own business and have a lot of friends like that. Might help you get some ideas?”

Hanbin pauses. Why didn’t he think of that?

“Why didn’t I think of that? Urgh, where were you eight hours ago?” He groans.

Jiwon gives him a proud smile that makes him look 10 years old. “Underneath the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Wait, what?” Hanbin’s eyes widen in surprise and his voice is annoyingly high-pitched.

“Someone dropped off a 1961 California Spyder at the garage today.” Comes the cheeky reply and Hanbin grumbles with fake irritation, reaching over to punch Jiwon on the arm, leaving the other cackling and pretending that it hurts.

“You’re a jerk.” He says, trying to keep the relief out of his voice but obviously failing because he knows when he’s been busted. “Anyway, have all the car affairs you want. I think I’m going to just call you next time I get writer’s block though.”

Jiwon shifts the BMW into reverse, arm coming to rest behind Hanbin’s seat as he backs out onto the street, the movement causing just the faintest ghost of that familiar woodsy cologne to float between them. “So am I your new personal consultant?”

“Yes.”

“What’s the pay like?”

“Terrible. Virtually zero dollars.”

“God, how cheap are you?!” Jiwon teases as they stop at a red light, he fiddles with the buttons to the sound system before settling on an old Drake song.“You couldn’t afford me anyway.”

“Oh really. What’s your going rate these days?”

“One million dollars,” Jiwon replies smugly before looking across with that arrogant smirk that Hanbin finds annoyingly attractive. “Or….like, 20 hugs.”

Hanbin gives him an amused scoff. “Only 20? Deal.”

“No, I changed my mind. I want 40.”

“Oh 40? Then, no. No deal.”

Jiwon laughs loudly. “Fine. I’ll just keep all these good ideas to myself.”

“You are such a loser. It’s all your fault for being so distracting when I’m trying to work.”

“Hey, don’t blame me! In case you forgot, you agreed to date me so really, who is the bigger loser here?” Jiwon says. “And besides, if you blame me for anything, you’re kinda half blaming yourself. That’s the way things work now.”

Hanbin opens his mouth but ends up saying nothing.

Jiwon looks over with a quirk of his eyebrow. “What?”

“I’m stealing that to use in a future article.” 

“Okay, I’ll put it on your tab. You owe me one million dollars and 40 hugs.”

“This is turning out to be a costly relationship.” He says with an exaggerated frown that really just wants to be a smile. 

"Yeah suck it up, buddy.” Jiwon laughs. “Anyways, since you’re so poor, I’ll get dinner tonight. What do you feel like?”

“Italian?”

“You want to go eat out or…” Jiwon trails off, an uncertain expression on his angular face.

“I don’t really want to sit in a restaurant.” Hanbin says, trying to be brave for once but looking out the window the entire time. “Can we just get take-out? We could come back and eat it at my apartment.”

“Oh.” Jiwon says, eyebrows raised in surprise. 

"Only if you want to.” He adds quickly, heart jumping right into his throat as he dares to flick his eyes up in curiosity. 

Jiwon is just smiling at him. “Yeah, yeah I do.” 

“Cool. I want pasta then.” He says in relief but still completely avoiding Jiwon’s eyes again out of embarrassment. “And something with bacon.”

“Okay, baby. Whatever you want.”

It’s just one word but it still causes the butterflies in his stomach to crash into each other like a fleet of kamikaze bombers. He wonders when the thrill will wear off and hopes that the answer is: never.

After finding the Italian restaurant, they sit in the parking lot listening to the rest of the Drake album while waiting for their order. It’s exactly where Hanbin loves to be on a warm evening: in the passengers seat, watching Jiwon sit at the wheel, casually rapping along to old hip-hop and in the process, killing him very very slowly.

“You’re really good.” He says.

“At what? Like, in general?”

He rolls his eyes. “At rapping. You’re so good at it. Do you ever want to get back to it? Do it seriously?”

Jiwon scrunches up his face like Hanbin just reminded him of something painful. “Yeah but something always comes up, you know?”

Neglected dreams are something Hanbin knows all about.

“Yeah I do actually. I’ve been wanting to write my book for awhile but it’s never gone beyond a passing hobby. Work kinda gets in the way. Or life does.”

“You should just write it.” Jiwon replies simply.

“And you should just rap.” He shoots back.

Jiwon lets out a quiet sigh as he plays with the door handle. “I need practice. The other guys would kick my ass if I turned up to battles like this. I want to go back though. One day.”

“So why don’t you? You could probably kick all their asses.” 

Jiwon chuckles. “Have you even heard the other guys?”

Hanbin looks over shrugging. “Is that even relevant? It doesn’t make you any less good.”

"You rate me way too highly.” Jiwon says but even as the words come out he’s reaching across to run his fingers through Hanbin’s hair. “And you’re not exactly objective. Would you tell me if I was shit?”

“Of course I would! What do you take me for? Not like I’m blinded by-”

Oh no.

Shut up Hanbin.

He talked himself into a corner again.

Panic starts to set in but strangely enough, it doesn’t fully take hold because Jiwon doesn’t even tease or ask him about it, he just softly raps along to the music and continues playing with Hanbin’s hair until they get called in to pick up their order. 

The good thing about anxiety is that all it takes for you to stop worrying about one thing is to become so distracted with another until there’s just a neat orderly ranking system. He likes systems. The order calms his mind. He was so busy being stressed about saying the wrong thing in the car that he totally ran out of time to worry about Jiwon seeing his apartment.

“Okay, so, come in. It’s a bit messy.” He says nervously as he pushes his door open and hastily tidies the stack of unread catalogues by the entrance.

Jiwon wanders in gingerly, looking around and chuckling inwardly at the distinct lack of mess anywhere. “I was here two weeks ago. Remember?”

“You were only in my doorway. Don’t judge the rest of it.” He says as he toes off his Nikes and jams his feet into old Snoopy slippers. “The kitchen is through there.”

“I’m not gonna judge it!” Jiwon shouts as he pads into the kitchen, placing the plastic bag of food on the small wooden table before turning around to survey the neat space. “God. It looks like an accident happened in here. How can you even live like this!!?”

Hanbin knows it’s just teasing but he goes red anyway. “I bet your place is worse!” He fires back.

Jiwon shrugs and grins. “I don’t know, want to come over next week?”

“Next week?”

“Yeah I’m gonna need the entire week to clean it.” 

He kicks at Jiwon’s shin, the Snoopy slippers cushioning most of the blow and completely defeating the purpose. “Loser.”

“Stop being rude to your guest.” Jiwon scolds mockingly before pointing to the cupboards. “So where do you keep your plates and stuff?”

He gives a brief tour of his kitchen, from the over processed pantry to his collection of cartoon mugs, pointedly ignoring the sniggers when Jiwon finds all his new plates and cutlery still in their boxes. “Have many people over, Hanbin?”

“Only you and the Queen.” He snaps.

They sit and eat at his small dining table, talking about which one of them should learn to how to cook (both), which one is neater (definitely Hanbin), which one is better at fixing things (definitely Jiwon) and which one would be more likely to become a millionaire before the age of 30 (definitely neither).

It’s only when they’re standing at his sink to do the dishes that the occasion catches up with Hanbin.

Jiwon was in his apartment.

They just had dinner together.

He didn’t have an aneurysm from the stress.

What would Murakami write about this?

“Hanbin?”Jiwon is holding a wet dish out for him to dry. “In your head again?”

He takes the plate and nods. “I’m just thinking.”

“Anything you want to tell me about?”

“I was just thinking of the rap thing again. You’re so good Jiwon. It’d be such a waste if you didn’t just go for it. I’m sure you’re awesome at the garage because you’re good with your hands and I promise I’ll still like you no matter what you end up doing but honestly, you should really think about the rap thing again.” He doesn’t know why he always sounds so flighty and high-pitched when he rambles.

Jiwon gives him that one unreadable look that Hanbin had never been able to decipher. He has no idea what it means. It’s the one with the small smile, slight nod and slow blinks. What the hell does that one mean?

“I’ll think about it okay?”

“Yeah you should.”

“Hey, let’s make a pact.”

Hanbin gives him a condescending look. “Are you 12 years old? Are we at summer camp? Where are the friends-forever bracelets?”

Jiwon flicks water at him. “No listen, let’s both do it together. You start your book and I’ll do this rap thing. Give ourselves like a year? If it doesn’t go anywhere at least we can say we tried?”

“Seriously?” He asks skeptically.

“Seriously.” Jiwon nods and reaches over to dry his hands on the tea towel Hanbin is still holding. “That way we’ll both be annoying at the same time.”

“And stressed at the same time.”

“But maybe happy and successful at the same time?”

He shakes his head. “You haven’t thought this through. We’re going to need a plan. We should really make a plan. I have planning paper.” He says, trying to be helpful.

Jiwon takes the tea towel from his hands, throwing it on the bench before pulling at his shirt. “Come here.”

He has a fleeting thought about gravity before silencing his brain and sinking into Jiwon’s arms.

Oh.

Finally.

Their first proper hug.

He all but melts into it like gooey chocolate, savouring how reassuringly solid Jiwon’s body is underneath his soft cotton t-shirt and the slow sigh he lets out when Hanbin winds his arms around his back. Above all, he savours how truly safe and secure he feels in this completely ordinary and mundane moment. Jiwon was just comforting. Or comfortable. Or both. He was the mash-potato-warm-blanket-kind of comfortable and Hanbin doesn’t want to let go. 

“I love that you have planning paper.”

“Surprised?” He mumbles into Jiwon’s t-shirt.

He feels a kiss on the top of his head and fingers brushing through his hair. “No baby, I’m not.”

[full--stops]

Break ups. Most people on this Earth has been through one or will go through one at some point in their lives and understand how unbelievably painful they are and how it honestly physically feels like you’ve lost an integral part of yourself.

My ex boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me on the 7th December 2016. He may be reading this (however unlikely) so I’m not going to disclose too much information, but it honestly tore me apart and I’m still dealing with it to this day, over three months later. We met when I was sixteen in sixth form and got together when I was seventeen; it was like a fairytale for the most part. I thought he was going to be the guy I was going to marry, everyone told us what a beautiful couple we were, he was my best friend and my rock. Until… things started to go downhill and it ended halfway through my first year at university after managing his first year very well.

If I’m honest, I don’t totally blame distance issues for the break down, it was the little frustrations and lies and lack of equitable effort which all built into resentment. The actual break up, however, felt very sudden to me. I don’t think I ate properly for about 2-3 weeks after that and lost about a stone in weight. I hardly left my university accomodation apart from to go to lectures, when I could manage it, or when my friends forced me to leave the flat and do something.  I couldn’t do anything without crying – I remember going into Tescos and I started crying in the middle of the wine aisle (how apt) and received some rather questioning looks from people. I felt like a part of my soul had been ripped out, and nothing anyone could say could comfort me: don’t worry, you’ll find someone else! You’re single now, embrace it! You’re beautiful, you don’t need a man to complete you!… which I came to learn was fairly common amongst people just coming out of a relationship: you just cannot see the positive in anything; like a constant cloud is literally following you around.

Recently I’ve been having some very down days about my break up and kept torturing myself on social media about it, and today I decided I should vent my frustrations and do something productive about it. I’m not a world leading expert, but I’m going to offer little pieces of advice on how to cope with it initially and as time goes on.

  LET yourself be upset

People who you keep close to you and try to support you through your break up may tell you not to cry and to go out and keep yourself constantly busy when it happens. I personally don’t think this should be the case 100% of the time. LET yourself be heartbroken. Cry and scream and sob your fucking heart out. Listen to Adele/The Smiths/Amy Winehouse/Tom ODell/Sam Smith (etc etc) on repeat. Eat LOADS of chocolate/ice cream/crisps/cheese/any other comfort food you love (I didn’t… big mistake!). Watch sad films. Indulge yourself in the sadness for a bit.

But then you HAVE to do something with your life. When my break up happened, my friends at uni were my biggest rocks and I don’t know how I’ll ever thank them enough. About two weeks after it happened the last week of term whipped round and there were club nights every night, lots of Christmas parties and celebrations and festivities. So, even though I was so incredibly mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted my friends made me go out with them. We had a Christmas dinner midweek and after so much malnourishment it was the loveliest thing with the loveliest people to experience. The day after that, the university held their Christmas Ball in our on-campus nightclub and I got myself dressed up and started to feel a bit more human again. I drank a fair bit (which anyone who knows me, knows I’m not a huge drinker) and just laughed as much as I could.

Basically, what I’m saying… you are ALLOWED to be sad. You’ve just lost the love of your life, your partner in crime, your best friend… you’re obviously going to feel absolutely horrendous. But, it is just as important to remember you are still your own person and have things to get on with. The day I was dumped, I had a 2000 word essay deadline due the next day which I hadn’t started… pulled an all-nighter for it in the student centre, took breaks to cry and drink Red Bull and ended up with a 2.1 in it (I think I just turned superhuman and realised I couldn’t let it ruin my degree even though it had only just happened)!

2. Surround yourself with happy, bright, positive people

I personally think this is the most important aspect of a break up. At university I found this easy as I’d made some fantastic friends over freshers who I feel like I’ve known my whole life and they let me sob on their bedroom floors, kept me company whilst I did assignments, brought me lots of tea/coffee/biscuits, gave me so many cuddles, replied to my despairing texts in the middle of the night and would take hours out of their day to just give me advice and make sure I’m all right. I will never be able to repay them enough for this as I would not have started the moving on process without them, at all. So thank you to all of you who supported me… especially Maxine and Lea, you are two of the most kindhearted people on this planet.

Do not be afraid to reach out. People who love you will want to be there for you and make sure you’re coping with it. Family are so important – mine certainly were. My lovely mum drove two hours to see me the day it happened and answered the phone at 3 AM when I was sobbing, several times (sorry Mummy) and her and my dad would always offer me advice and support when I needed it. Thankfully it was nearly Christmas so I got to go home for a month and heal, which was really needed. Make sure you do not suffer in silence as this is the worst thing you can do, and things will start to fester in your head and you will overthink and torture yourself. Other people in the process are a key ingredient to things getting better.

3. Remove their social media

Now. I’m the biggest hypocrite ever for putting this as a piece of advice, but it is what you need to do. I found it really hard to remove my ex significant-other from all my social media, and I still have him as a Facebook friend (even though I’ve unfollowed him) but it is very necessary. I am very tech-savvy and can find things/search for things very easily, which was certainly a downside for me, as I would let myself stalk his social media, look at who he was tagging in posts and hypothesise about what new gals he may be seeing now (which I am probably 100% correct about, hahaha). But this will ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE UTTER, UTTER SHITE. I found myself comparing myself to girl/s I’ve never even met, hating people I hardly know, resenting my ex even further and making myself cry. A lot. Snapchat is especially important for you to remove them off, as you literally see what they’re doing at every hour of the day, especially if they post often, which he did. Same as Instagram – I blocked my ex on there more so I wouldn’t torture myself by looking at his profile constantly. It is only recently I’ve had this revelation, by the way… it can take a while to come to terms that you shouldn’t be seeing their new life and updates, but it’s so important if you’re ever going to move on. Blocking people they’re associated with is very important also, as you’ll probably see something you don’t want to see at some point (trust me). Focus on your own social media, post some fire selfies and share positive things with positive people.

4. When the initial pain has passed, really focus on yourself

From my experience, it’s almost impossible to feel totally yourself when the break up occurs. This is normal, as I said above. But after the initial, horrendous, sudden pain… it will start to feel more like a dull ache. Now, I can say, I have not fully gone through the break up process as I am still coming to terms with things and I have nights where I cry about him still. But I feel like I am on track  with my own life a bit more now. I think it’s really important to remember the things you love, your hobbies and passions post-break up. If you love reading, search for as many new books to read as possible. If you play an instrument, play it more than you usually would. If you like keeping fit, go to the gym more often or go for a few more runs. Little things which make you happy can overall improve your general, day to day mood is vital!

Also, doing things which you may not have done in the relationship is a good idea. For some personal insight: I started to go out a LOT (and still do if I’m honest!) which I never used to, I changed my degree course to include a year abroad in my third year (which I’d have barely considered if I was with my ex as I would’ve wanted to stay with him), I got my nose pierced (which my ex used to hate on people) and I really like it, I make more effort to talk to people and enjoy myself and I spend too much money on myself/treat myself a lot (perhaps not so good financially, lol). The more you start to do things for you and not another person as well, the more you’ll start to feel yourself.

Listen to a LOT of uplifting music as well. I personally recommend Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’ album; I feel like the most powerful woman in the world when I do and I feel it’s the biggest ‘fuck you’ to the person who broke my heart. I created a playlist on Spotify called ‘Strong Woman’ to pick myself up a bit (here’s the link if you’re interested.. https://open.spotify.com/user/1145806328/playlist/0lzoFqM9zcwo17KJuEnJeN) to remind myself I AM enough: break ups can make you feel very small, unattractive and worthless and it really helps give me that boost when I’m having a down day.

5. Remember… you are ENOUGH.

When you dedicate so much of your life to someone and they leave you, it really does make you question everything about your worth. Me and my ex were together for a long time considering how young we are/were so we kind of grew up with each others’ needs/wants/idiosyncrasies in mind (I especially did) – I even partly-based my university choice on where he was at the time (which worked out perfectly in the end… Essex is an amazing uni) so to have that ripped from you and standing on your own two feet is daunting and scary. But… it is totally possible. In hindsight it was a good thing I went through the break up at university as I had things to do and people to be around, whereas at home I’d have felt much more isolated. You are incredibly strong and resilient for going through it and someday you will come through the other side. When it happens, this is very hard to believe. But you need to have faith that you will pull through in its entirety: I’m still not there myself, but I can feel myself improving a bit each day and my confidence in myself growing, which if I’m honest, I didn’t have at all when I was with my ex. I care less about the small inconveniences and relish the little moments which matter.

                            Break ups: especially at university, how to start the healing process and look after yourself Break ups. Most people on this Earth has been through one or will go through one at some point in their lives and understand how unbelievably painful they are and how it honestly physically feels like you've lost an integral part of yourself.