#aos star trek incorrect quotes

[spirk-my-love]

Jim: My partner is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?

Sulu: Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.

Chekov: Tackle them.

Uhura: Dump them.

Bones: Kick him in the shin.

Spock: No to all of those. Just ask me to lean down.

[trek-tracks]

Kirk (yelling over the communicator): Scotty, beam us back, quickly! There's a lion storm!

Scotty: Aye, Captain, but don't you mean an ion storm?

(a loud roar in the background)

Kirk: no

[leonsgotit]

Jim: YOU LYING, CHEATING, PIECE OF SHIT!

Bones: oh yeah? YOU’RE the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do! WELL, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Jim: I’M LEAVING AND I’M TAKING SPOCK WITH ME

Spock, picking up the monopoly board: I believe it would be wise to stop playing

[batnardomcfly]

*Jim and Spock on away mission to a new planet*

Spock: Captain, I must insist you take extra caution while on this planet as we know nothing of its plants and animals yet

Jim: Don’t worry Spock, Bones has a dumbass radar built into his brain that alerts him whenever I attempt to do something stupid

Spock: Captain I regret to inform you there is no such thing as a ‘dumbass radar’

Jim: I know that Spock! But watch this

Jim reaches out to touch a random plant

Spock alarmed: Captain I-

Bones, materializing out of nowhere: James Tiberius Kirk you touch that plant and I’ll slap you with it

Spock, confused: How???

Jim, just as confused, whispering: I really have no idea and it’s honestly scary how he knows

[lokilenchen]

Kirk: What about your oath?

Bones: Do no harm? Well, that depends on how stupid you are.

[boba-thot]

[montgomerydadbodyscotty]

Spock: Please understand, I am not emotionally invested in any of this.

Bones: That's the nicest way of saying "I don't give a fuck" I've ever heard.

[to-trek-or-not-to-trek]

Sulu: You're a linguistics expert, right? I need your help!

Uhura: Oh course, what is it? Klingon transmissions? Romulan code?

Sulu: Chekov sent me this comm message that's virtually incomprehensible.

Uhura:

Sulu:

Uhura: *deep, deep sigh*

Bonus:

Uhura, listening to the message: *squinting* what the hell Chekov

[lead-acetate]

Jim to Bones: Today I offer you: becoming my C.M.O. and not only participating in exploration of your main source of phobias i.e. outer space, but also routinely having to perform duties that are absolutely unrelated to your profession and going on dangerous away missions that logically do not request presence of a medical officer!

Jim: Tomorrow? Who knows.

[andietries]

(Academy era aos timeline, Interview)

Spock: what would you say is your biggest flaw?

Kirk: I get attached really quickly

Spock:

Spock: please, stop stroking my face

[spirk-my-love]

Sulu: So what's it like being McCoys best friend?

Jim: Once I asked him for a glass of water while he was mad at me and he brought me a glass of ice and said "wait"

[trek-tracks]

Jim: Don’t worry, Bones. This isn’t my first rodeo.

Jim (voiceover): What I neglected to tell Bones was that this was my second rodeo. And that my first had resulted in three broken ribs and a concussion, so that one was kind of hazy.

[leonsgotit]

Some more Star Trek characters as text posts I thought were funny

[batnardomcfly]

Academy based

Jim, laughing his ass off: your middle name is Horatio!?

Bones mad af he found out: shut the fuck up Tiberius

[hummingbird-of-light]

D&D Honor Among Thieves (but it's Star Trek AOS)

*Kirk and Uhura in a bar*

Barkeeper: Some supper for you and your wife?

Kirk: What? She's not my wife! That's so gross.

Uhura: Me with that? With those lips?

*minutes later, leaving the bar*

Kirk: What's wrong with my lips?

Uhura: They're too big for your face.

Kirk: What? A lot of people like my lips!

~

Jaylah: What is it exactly that you bring to this?

Kirk: Me? I'm a planner. You know? I make plans.

Jaylah: You've already made the plan. So what value do you have now?

Kirk: If the plan fails, the existing plan, I make a new plan.

Jaylah: So you make plans that fail.

Kirk: No.

Chekov: He also plays the lute.

Kirk: Chekov, not relevant. Trust me, I'm indispensable.

~

Bones: In other words, Khan is a real son of a bitch.

Spock: So you blame his mother for his corruption.

Bones: What? No. It's an expression.

Spock: I see. I do not traffic in colloquialisms.

Bones: You're not a lot of fun, are you?

~

*Spock explaining something horrible*

Scotty: Sounds lovely.

Spock: Quite the opposite.

Scotty: I know. I was being ironic.

Spock: I find irony is a blade that cuts he who wields it most especially.

Kirk: Yeah? Is that what you think, Spock?

~

Spock: *referring to intellect devourer monsters* Make no sound. They're drawn to mental energy. The higher the intelligence of the prey, the more likely they are to strike.

Kirk: *after all devourers go by without attacking* Well, that's a little hurtful.

[zero-way-out]

I love when the incorrect quotes generator spits out something that could just be an excerpt from a fanfic