#anyways. posts that may appeal to people in both of the world of horror and hiveswap fandoms.

[takeitwithgrace]

do you ever get so autistic over 2 pieces of media at the same-time, that you decided to create edits of the 2 of them combined?

(reblogs/likes? no problem! 👍)

[candlelight27]

Reiner - NSFW Alphabet

Reiner x F!reader

A/N: I really wanted to write something for Reiner and this happened! I hope you enjoy it. I might have added way too much drama for a simple nsfw alphabet but I have so many strong feelings for Reiner that I CAN'T. I'm just a simp... Okay, so keep in mind I made this thinking of post-timeskip Reiner.

Warnings: NSFW, obviously. Smut, fluff, angst. Some kinks discussed.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

First things first, he’ll help you get cleaned up. He will either get a clean rug or you’ll share a shower. He won’t leave you alone, asking if you’re okay, if you need help, leaving several kisses on your shoulders and lips.

He’s rather emotional afterwards too. When you are lying on your bed in the dead of the night, he doesn’t understand how you are able to love him after all he’s done. He embraces your body and buries his face right in the crook of your neck. Reiner inhales your scent as you trace random patterns in the broad expanse of his back. He trembles in the slightest of manners, and you hear a faint sob, but you don’t say anything. You let him stay like that for as long as he likes. Sometimes it takes five minutes for him to calm down, while other times, it takes hours. But you don’t mind, and let his warmth surround you. He’s ever grateful of your love and carefulness. It’s not easy to forget all he’s done, and it’s even more difficult to accept he must live with the weight of his sins, so these moments of some kind of normality crush him. But you’re there, ready to help him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He might be biased because of his training as the Armoured Titan, but he loves his arms and back. Reiner is strong and he uses it to his advantage. It makes him feel powerful and in control, more so when he has an opportunity in bed to show off his strength. He’s always elated when you absentmindedly caress his shoulders, arms and back.

Risking being vulgar, Reiner adores your ass. He takes a handful whenever he can – yes, even in public. If you wear something that accentuates your rear, the blond completely loses it, and it takes all his willpower not to kiss you and take you right there and then. During sex, it turns him on to see it, so he’s all into fucking in front of a mirror, or any position that lets him stare at your bum.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Reiner’s favourite place to cum is inside of you. He’s always a little scared, even with all the preventive measures, because the last thing he wants is getting you pregnant. Still, as a forbidden fruit, Reiner will enjoy every moment he’s releasing his seed inside of you, filling you to the brim. Unless you’ve gone a few rounds, Reiner’s cum is usually thick and abundant, always leaving a mess behind.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Reiner legit steals your underwear. He will regret it afterwards. But he does it anyways and more than once, he’s masturbated to your smell. To be fair, he would also steal other items that smell like you for those times you’re not around. Your scent helps him fall asleep and comforts him a lot.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He wasn’t that experience, although he had done the deed before. You live in a world where you could die in any moment, so he hasn’t held his urges that much. However, until he met you, he hadn’t let any of his previous partners see his most vulnerable side. Reiner always had that façade of confidence and assurance, that he always knew what he was doing, when in reality he was just faking it and hoping no one would notice. With you, that came to an end and he finally admitted he wasn’t as sure as he was supposed to be. Of course, it led you to a journey of exploration and you’d confidently say he’s now an expert. Reiner knows your body like the back of his hands, and he know exactly what to do to make you moan the way he likes. And of course, he’s an expert in making you cum whenever he wants, and for him, that’s enough experience.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His favourite position is the one where you ride him with your ass facing him. He loves the view of your rear, that you can use him as you like for your own pleasure and that he can touch wherever he wants. He just sees advantages this way. Reiner would start eating you out while you were on all fours, getting you wet and ready for his cock. He’ll take his time as he savours your essence. Then, with his strong arms, he’d help you slide into his dick and grope your waist and your butt.

Since you often complain of him getting the best views, he’s committed to try as many positions as humanly possible. So, every other day, it’s an adventure.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It really depends on Reiner’s humour. Sometimes, when sadness hits him, he just wants the solace of your body. During those times, he barely talks, and you answer to his silent pleas with actions rather than words. On the other hand, when he’s in a good mood, he loves teasing you. He’ll banter until you get slightly offended, all heated and cute, and then kiss you everywhere.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Reiner doesn’t have that much time to shave, so he just does labours of maintenance from time to time. And yes, the carpet matches the drapes. He’s got a dirty blond mop of hair down there.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

The blond gets too into it. He looks at you in the eye and smiles adoringly. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear when he’s embracing you, your skin on his. He repeats all the time how much he loves you, how amazing you are. Reiner’s the whole romantic package. It may backfire, though, because if it becomes too emotional, he might cry. He doesn’t believe he deserve any happiness, much less with you involved, so an uncontrollable, deep horror takes his heart until he can’t take it anymore. Thankfully, your reassuring words help him forget all those intrusive thoughts. You’re quite used to Reiner’s ups and downs, so it won’t ruin the mood that much, and you will continue your activities at some point during the night – or right away if Reiner insists.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he steals your underwear, it’s inside his coat’s pocket. Reiner takes them with one big hand, while the other goes to his girthy cock. He’s working on paperwork, most likely, and alone in his room or an office. He starts slowly pumping his dick up and down, turned on by your smell. Then, he thinks of the last time you were with him and his pace increases until he can’t take it anymore.

His favourite place to masturbate is the shower, though. His muscles relax under the hot water and he can let go all the tension that’s been accumulating there all day. Reiner can spend hours there. And he’s so kicked back, that his hands slowly roam his body and find his dick. He will lean against the wall, supporting himself with this free arm. His quiet moans get drowned by the noise of the shower, and he can take as long as he wants. So he strokes himself slowly, lazily into completion. One of the best parts is that he doesn’t have to clean all the mess he leaves, since he’s already under the running water. One of the worst parts is that he’s alone and, even though he enjoys it, but it’s not the same as being with a partner.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Is dry humping a kink? Because he adores it. Reiner loved watching your body rub against his with clothes on. This way, he can see how your face becomes more and more desperate for him to take you, and he loved the feel of being needed. So, yeah, he’s all into you both wherever you are – the chair, the sofa, the bed – making out, his tongue exploring your mouth, while you are riding his thigh, or your crotches rub together.

Reiner is into spanking, too. Not as a punishment. He’s just so turned on that he forgets all his manners and morals and spanks you sporadically. However, when the skin he’s hit turns red, he regrets it deeply. He feels bad, because it reminds him of all the harm he’s done, and you are always so loving… You like it anyways, so when you see the shadow of doubt grace his face, you reassure him that you enjoy it just as much as him. He still feels like a brute, but a happy one.

Finally, edging. Reiner has never had the reins of his own fate. Never. He became a warrior to please his mom and basically, his life has been determined by the decisions of other people. Most of the time, he feels helpless. Therefore, his love for edging roots in the control it grants him. He can decide when you are going to cum, when he’s going to give you your reward, and he loves that. It’s weird, because he’s not usually attracted by the idea of dominance over you, but this does it for him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Truth be told, he’d make love to you anywhere. He likes the risk of both of you being caught, so I’d say an unfrequented yet public place. And he’ll never lock the doors, because there’s something appealing at someone seeing with their own two eyes that you love him, that he’s a great lover and that you chose him. He might be into exhibitionism a bit, but at the same time, he’s too shy to be open about it. In the end, he’ll try; Reiner kisses you deeply in the secluded but risky space, like the cleaning supplies closet, but just when things get heavy and sexy and you slide your hands to grab his dick, the blond proposes moving to somewhere more private. You’ll tease him a lot, and you’ll convince him to have sex in a place where you’ll get caught. On those rare occasions, you notice Reiner is hornier than usual. Actually, whenever you are in bed, just the fleeting mention of those episodes makes him lose his mind.

Other locations he enjoys, or rather pieces of furniture, are armchairs and sofas. The close contact it gives you, because you can’t lie down, makes him be able to reach any part of your body and cage you, so he’s all into it. Besides, it’s quite refreshing from always doing it on the bed. And it’s a plus if it’s not his or yours, for tainting an space that’s not yours adds to the spice and the fantasy.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your whole self gets him going. You ass, mainly, but also your cute and gorgeous face, your voice, your body… When you dress up for him, it’s a treat. There’s no better gift. He can’t believe how lucky he is that someone like you loved him. Apart from those things, what gets him going is dirty talking. Mention his kinks and he’ll be up and ready to fulfil his duty. He’s filled with energy, love and anxiousness, so Reiner is nearly always up for sex.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Reiner is a bit possessive, so I think a threesome would be kind of a turn off, even though he might enjoy it if he tries it with someone he trusts. He’ll be reluctant to try toys, simply because the idea makes him all shy and uneasy.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Our favourite blond gives oral like a starved man. Your taste enticed him, and he can never get enough of you. He laps and laps all over your clit time after time, then lets his tongue roam inside your hole. At some point, he uses his fingers as well, because he doesn’t have the heart to tease you and wants to make you come. He’s going to give you more orgasms afterwards, so he won’t skimp on the pleasure he gives you.

There are few times in which you give him a blowjob and he’s not eating you out. During those rare occasions, he treats you as if you were made out of glass. His fingers caress your face and your hair delicately, and he tries staying as still as he can. Even when you scratch his thighs lightly, or play with his balls, he’ll behave, as disciplined as the soldier he is.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Reiner always starts slow and sensual, but it doesn’t last long. Not in the least. He gets impatient and once his mind is set and he sees you like it, his rhythm becomes relentless. It’s quite the experience, to be ravished in that way, but he can’t help it. Yet, in the rounds following the first one of the day, he’ll relax and control himself better. That’s when your most tender moments during sex are shared. He’s no longer chasing your high, but enjoying the moment, and you share loving words. This can last a lot, until you are oversensitive and cum because you’ve been at it for so long, you can’t take it anymore. Reiner, on the other hand, just comes at the same time because he can’t contain himself when you’re contracting around his cock.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t like quickies. If there’s no other option, he’ll take it. Sometimes you can’t see each other as frequently, and you’ll have a mere hour together, so those are the occasions where he might accept a quickie, but it’s not his style. He needs his time to properly adore you. Otherwise, it leaves him cold a confused. Reiner considers quickies a bit soulless and he gets a bit paranoid that you’re distant or angry. Because of this, he prefers avoiding quickies altogether, because even though he knows those thoughts aren’t real, they make his heart ache even more in your absence.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Reiner likes to experiment different positions. He will try every position at least once – or almost any position. And he takes mental notes of the ones you enjoy the most, for real. Yet the only real risk he takes is having sex in semi public places, and it happens really far in between and at your constant begging. Reiner loves the idea of exhibitionism but can’t handle his shyness.

When it’s late at night, and you are in an office where anyone can enter, you kiss his lips with passion. He knows where this is going, and he’s torn. But your lips are so soft, and your hands roam across the muscles of his shoulders and arms… and he’s forgotten almost everything already. He’s sat on an armchair, so you climb onto his lap, straddling him with your legs. Your fingers begin to undo the buttons of his shirt, and his dick is already hard and pressed against your sex.

“What are you doing?”, he murmurs.

“Nothing”, you answer. You slowly sway your hips back and forth and Reinter lets out a moan. You let your tongue roam his mouth as you pull on the blond locks of his hair, then his hands find your waist. He’s squeezing you, and he answers to your movements with his own.

There are voices outside, but you don’t care. You undo his pants, and his dick breaks free. You discard your underwear, grunting at the lost of contact, but quickly come back to him.

“So?”, you tease.

“Let me have you already”, he sighs. You’ve caught him unarmed, and he’s ready to surrender. During the hour you are there, nobody interrupts you, but the noise outside is constant. You know he notices because his cock twitches every time. But you can see, at the same time, that he’s having way too much fun.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Reiner’s first round is usually the shortest, because he’s dying to have sex with you. Still, compared to other guys, it’s a long period of time. But once he’s come and breathe a bit, he wants more rounds. And this time, he’ll last much longer because he will be focused on enjoying all you have to offer instead of being overwhelmed with your presence. Reiner, all in all, is a guy with a lot of stamina, and being a warrior only enhances that aspect.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t own toys and he’s reluctant to use them. You might be able to convince him little by little. First, you could introduce him with toys he can use with you… but it will take long and a lot of patience.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

You tease him way more that he does tease you. Instead, he loves to spoil you, and even when he’s edging you, if you plead way too much, he’ll let you come. He’s got a heart of gold deep inside, and he can’t avoid not giving you something you want. Reiner’s just like that, attentive and helpful.

He enjoys teasing you with words, though. And he’ll tease you about every little thing you can think of. Until he finds a certain aspect that particularly irritates you, which he will use to his own benefit. He loves when you seem angry, but can’t resist his advances.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s usually silent, releasing a moan here or there. But he will dirty talk a lot, so be ready. He starts with obscene sentences, but he softens and ends up being a flustered mess saying loving words. But the things he says, corny or not, do turn you on.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Modern AU! Reiner is not the kind of guy to send dick pics. However, the first time you were sexting, he sent a video without a warning. You hadn’t even sent each other a picture, so it caught you by surprise. It was incredibly sexy, as he was caressing his dick through his underwear, then taking it out and pumping it up and down. However, it took a few minutes to reach, which were enough to make Reiner paranoid. He started apologizing, until you phoned him and told him to come to your place right away.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Reiner is not the longest, but he’s thick. And when I mean thick, I mean that he has to make an effort to make you wet and ready for him. You love it, because it fills you completely and you can feel every little movement, so the stimulation washes over your whole body. He’s very confident in the way he makes you feel, so he likes his size. It’s also slightly curved upwards and a bit to the right, and his head is bright pink. He has foreskin and there’s a big vein gracing the left side. He’s never really thought about his dick at any level – he hasn’t done that thing of comparing his prick to his friends’ – but he can feel his heart swell with pride when you compliment him and praise him, and when you worship him with your mouth.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

This man always wants sex. Unless he’s really, really sad, in which case he needs a good hug… and it sometimes leads to sex because your body pressed against his own and he can’t control his urges. Fortunately, you’re almost always as needy as him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Reiner has a lot of troubles falling asleep. You’re more likely to drift off first. He’s always dwelling on something, but he won’t be anxious. Instead, when your asleep right next to him, even if he’s awake, he feels calm and a sense of peace.

[amispnrewatch]

SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

[marireadshellblazer]

Constantine TV Series Episode 4 “A Feast of Friends”

Aight, I feel the need to express some feelings about this episode. I’m not sure this is going to be terribly articulate, but I’ll do my best. Let’s do this.

First off, it’s obvious to anyone who has read Hellblazer that this episode is based off of the first two issues of the comic book series. As I wrote in my post about my experience reading it, these issues were the perfect way to start off the series. It’s like “BOOM! This is how it is! Get ready for some serious shit! This is your only warning; this is what you’re in for.” Even though they did change the story for the episode, I still absolutely loved it. The storyline from the comics is a favorite of mine, but even with the changes made in order to adapt it for TV, this was an awesome episode. In fact, it’s my favorite episode of the TV series. Here’s why!  

   Why is it episode 4?

  Unlike the comics this story was adapted to be episode 4, meaning it doesn’t start the TV series. So, why wouldn’t it start the TV series? I think that you have to look at it from a few different perspectives.

  Let’s start with the comic: Issues 1 and 2, titled Hunger and A Feast of Friends respectively, make up the first arc of the Hellblazer series. Most fans know, however, that Hellblazer is not John’s first appearance in comics; he got his own series after appearing throughout the American Gothic story arc of Swamp Thing. Consequently, many people came into Hellblazer at the time having some familiarity with the character. While this chapter does expand on John’s character some, this doesn’t serve as a major introduction to him. They just drop the reader into one of his nightmare-inducing everyday situations with little to no preparation. Those who are familiar with his role in Swamp Thing will, odds are, not find these issues to be terribly weird or particularly jarring considering it’s in a series about John; they have a good idea what they are in for.

   Here is a quick run-down: John returns to his apartment in Paddington after dealing with the horror show that is the Brujeria in the Swamp Thing comics. Exhausted, he comes back to an unwelcome guest; Gary Lester. Gary is one of the friends who was involved in the Newcastle incident (which is fully explained in issue #11), which left each of them scarred in their own way. Gary dealt with the aftermath via drugs, which have left him wide open for other issues. After foolishly releasing a demon from a sacrificial victim, Gary runs to John for help dealing with the destruction said demon is causing. In this case it’s a hunger demon that causes people to feast upon whatever they greatly desire; food, a crucifix, and even an athlete committing autocannibalism. With help from club owner and Voodoo practitioner Papa Midnight, John betrays his vulnerable and trusting friend in order to stop the demon by instead making him the new sacrifice. Trapping the demon inside of Gary, the literal and figurative ghosts of John’s past haunt and torment him mentally as his friend dies slowly and in agony, ending this arc with a melancholy feeling. John stopped a demon, but at the cost of a friend who truly trusted and cared for him.

Using this story to begin the TV series as is, however, would have been more than a little strange. In the minds of most people outside of the comic book world, John Constantine was first introduced to them via the horrifyingly inaccurate Keanu Reeves film. (I love Keanu, I really do, but that film give me agita). Or, if they were introduced to the show after it had already aired, they are introduced via Matt Ryan’s masterful work portraying him in Legends of Tomorrow. While he does an incredible job in both Constantine and Legends (to the point where I find that I may simply be unable to accept anyone else taking on the role in live action) it depresses me terribly that Legends toned down John’s character so much with all the goofiness. It did not suit John at all! If anything, I find myself feeling sorry for Matt Ryan, who tried so hard to do John’s character justice. Uhg.

   Anyway…Already, a lot of the audience is going to be more than a little taken aback by the Constantine series’ portrayal of the character, however comic book accurate he may be. This show is tailored to as wide of an audience as possible, meaning they expect that pretty much no one has read Hellblazer or Swamp Thing before. Consequently, having the series start by just dropping the audience into his crazy world, especially with this particular story arc, might not be the best idea. I’m not saying that his introduction is done super well with the first episode (it’s not a total wreak, but there are issues) but it would have been much harder to start with A Feast of Friends.

     Characterization

    Now, let’s look at it from another angle: characterization. As the 4th episode this was, odds are, done assuming that there would be a lot more episodes after this (oh, the painful reality), but really the viewers are still just getting to know John. So, these early episodes are supposed to establish his character. They see him as knowledgeable and ready to handle the weird and scary in the first episode, and in 2 and 3 you see that he is serious about his work, a loner, weirdly well prepared, and how he interacts with others. While in some situations he does come off like a douche, his douche-ness is on full display in this episode. Honestly, this is accurate to how he is in the comics; he’s a nasty piece of work, after all. A world class bastard. He gives Gary shit for his drug addiction pretty much the entire episode as well as his choice to mess with a demon and the chaos it made that he now has to fix. He, like in the comics, tricks Gary into helping him and it results in a slow, painful death for the man. Gary really did trust John, and not only did John betray him, but he was callous about it. Now, that’s not to say that the situation and Gary’s death doesn’t bother him, and this is also seen in both the episode and the comic, but John solders through a lot of it with his mask of stoic indifference; he blatantly a deliberately betrays his friend without much hesitation.

    John’s characterization in the show is really important. While fans of Hellblazer know what they are in for (John being a dick, betraying people, sacrificing friends, etc) the wide audience the show was meant to appeal to might not respond well to that. How is the audience supposed to relate to a character whose major personality trait in this arc is to basically be a douche (even if it is justified in a way)? Generally speaking, TV shows try to have a lot of characters with redeeming traits and very basic bitch personalities so that as much of the audience as possible can relate to them in some capacity. They can describe the main character as “cool, quirky, sweet, loving, etc” because that is what network television strives for. The point is for the audience to relate to and find a lot of reasons to like the character, especially the main character. The audience is supposed to be able to see the qualities of the character in themselves. An example of a douchy character being changed for network television is the titular character in TV series Lucifer. He can be an asshat at times, but his redeeming qualities shine through in pretty much every episode; he’s helpful, has a strong sense of justice, and cares about Chloe. He often goes out of his way to understand others, although he often misses the mark, and tries to fix problems and issues that he accidentally creates in order to keep relationships with others. These are things people can relate to, and although he can be rather uncouth, it’s played for laughs, and he has more redeeming qualities than not. If the Constantine series started off with John coldly betraying a friend after giving him shit for his addiction the entire episode with not a lot of his positive traits coming through, from the perspective of most people, this might not be a good way to try and connect with the audience. I’m not saying there are people who don’t/won’t, but again, this is network television and they tend to play on the safe side.

    Comic book -> TV

    Ok so let’s move onto the meat of this; the changes made to the story. People always complain when something isn’t totally accurate to the book down to every last detail (Harry Potter *cough cough*) and making story and character changes to adaptions of comic books is nothing new. However, to be fair, there are some legitimately good reasons for this. Time, money, limits technology wise, and pacing are good examples. The most important thing to consider, in my opinion, is that we are going from a comic book to television. Literally, that is the most important thing. Essentially, what the writers had to do when adapting this story for the show was carry over the plot from one medium to another, which is tricky.

    What’s a medium? A medium is a platform that allows a message to be shared or presented. So, using the medium of a comic book is how Jamie Delano was able to share his message; the story of John Constantine. The writers of the television series then had to adapt the story from comics, a visual and written medium, into a different kind of visual medium with different features to it; stage craft, voice, music, etc.

    Comic books have features for story telling; the size and placement of the panels, the writing, word bubbles, narration bubbles, colors, art style, etc. The pro’s to this are that you don’t get paragraph after paragraph describing a place or a person; they literally show them to you and the art presents those details. They also allow for the art to take in the reader emotionally through what the images convey; messy art, sudden loss of color, or even a sudden blank page after a tragic event are simple yet effective ways to convey emotion that are, at times, difficult or downright impossible to put into words. And sometimes the writer wants to leave things to interpretation or allude to something without saying it outright. While this can be done in writing, it can be done through the art as well, and depending on how skilled the artist or creative a set up can be just as effective if not more.

     In television storytelling can be done with another wide array of features. Close-ups on the actors, the actors and their performance in general, music, background narration, changes in location, lighting, ect. This allows for emotions to come across in different ways; the quality of the acting can make or break the effectiveness of the scene, and music and lighting can alter the message or feel of scene in order to change or heighten the point, pacing, the use of CGI or practical effects, etc. So, keeping this in mind, there are many features that are exclusive to film that are not in comic books, and vice versa. So, as you can imagine, adapting the stories or message from one medium to another is nowhere near as straightforward as people like to think it is. In other words, I tend to give the writers/actors/etc a break when it comes to adaption because, honestly, there is a lot that goes into it and it’s not like I could do better, honestly. I mean, there are piss poor adaptions, I’m not gunna lie, but there are a lot of them that I think don’t get enough credit simply because it’s “different” in some ways.

     Aight, let’s first refer back to what I said earlier concerning the comic; these issues aren’t so much an intro to John as they are literally following him from the end of the American Gothic arc in Swamp Thing and to his apartment where he gets involved with more shit (no rest for the wicked, amirite?). So, again, not a good way to start the TV series. In the TV show, they also have to tie in the changes they set up in the previous episodes. Continuity, my friends.

    So, what is different? Here are a few things: John having a safe house, being in the US, Chaz being American and also not involved, Zed being involved and being Latina, the new angel character Manny, and the absence of Papa Midnight really change a lot about the story. The heart of it is John’s relationship with Gary and the defeat of the demon, which thankfully remains unchanged at it’s core. This is the central idea that drives this story and I think that idea was actually done a bit better in the film medium than in the comic.

   Keeping all of these factors and all of these changes that needed in order to keep things consistent with the TV show’s changes, let’s get into why I think that this episode is good even with the changes, but why I love it.

I love It

      After taking some time to consider things, I realize that what really makes this episode great is the actors; specifically, Matt Ryan and Jonjo O'Neill. The chemistry between them is undeniable. The way they look at each other and how they talk to each other really makes you feel like, at one time at least, they were friends. The scene where Gary swipes the ID badge and says “I learned from the best” is a great example of this. The look on his face and John’s; I don’t have a real eloquent way to say it. I just sort of feel it.

The retcon of Gary’s character really helps with this. Being that Gary is introduced and then killed off in two issues, you don’t really get to know his character in the comics. He’s only in one episode of the TV series, yet he feels more fleshed out. Soul was added to the character. Showing his struggles with addiction, as well as what I suspect to be depression and PTSD, really humanized him. In the episode, he was more than just a desperate, annoying junky; he was a flawed and relatable human being. Who hasn’t made a mistake? How many people have made BIG mistakes with consequences difficult to handle? How many people are haunted by their actions from the past? Addiction and the effects is has on people is devastating. I’m glad that they kept the ending true to the comics, but the way he was portrayed in the episode really made me feel for Gary in this case. It almost made me hope that maybe he really would get better, and have the chance at redemption that he was trying so desperately to find. But it wouldn’t be a John Constantine series without an ending like this one; John loses a friend and slowly digs himself deeper into hell.

Of course, it’s the ending of the episode that people really remember best. It’s the scenes that solidified, at least for me, Matt Ryan as John Constantine. It’s what really helped me have faith in the series. Watching it now, and seeing what really could have been, makes the episode somewhat bitter sweet for me. I felt like this is when the series really found it’s footing; the acting, storytelling, and how well arcs from Hellblazer could be adapted. This is where I think Matt Ryan hit his stride and we could see what he was really capable of as an actor if they let him spread his wings. In the earlier episodes I was honestly unsure. He looked the part, but the soul of the character had not really had a chance to shine through.

How John treats Gary at the end really made a difference, too. Holding him while he was in pain, and sitting with him as he died in agony; these simple yet effective changes really drove home John’s humanity in the face of evil and the tough decisions he has to make. The look he gives many at the very end, the anger and sorrow he seems to be struggling to hold back, is haunting.

In this episode, Matt Ryan’s love and dedication to John’s character shine. Seeing the story in live action gave this story a stronger impact. Even without a lot of the social commentary that was present in the comic, the live action element is what really helps drive the story home. I think it’s because it’s real people showing these very real emotions that can be hard to translate into art. Not to say that John Ridgway did a bad job, but it’s different in live action.

I hope I was able to get these thoughts across. I wasn’t sure if I should share this or not, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I know this is sort of jumbled, but hopefully it’s not a total mess to read.

[sledgefuweek]

Each year we take a close look at the prompts for Sledgefu Week, for those who may be stuck for ideas or not quite sure about what the prompts could entail. Below the readmore are all seven prompts, as well as a short write-up exploring what they mean and some ideas to help get the creative juices going. Enjoy!!

Sickfic

This is a really popular and well-known fanfic trope that I feel probably needs little explanation, but I’ll write a little bit about it anyway! It essentially covers fic where one character is ill and the other cares for them -- it could encompass any kind of illness at all, (including chronic illnesses) and there’s a lot of room to get creative with it. You can go for angst, hurt/comfort, or fluff: it’s just a really good general prompt that I think works nicely to kick the week off!

It suits for Sledgefu pretty well, considering Snafu’s canon mild hypochondria, as well as the fact that Eugene’s dad is a doctor. It could be fun to lean into it: make Eugene play doctor for an actually-sick Snafu, and it could be just as fun to subvert it! There’s really endless options for canon fic: shrapnel wounds turned bad, heat-sickness, seasickness, illness from bad food or bad water or any kind of tropical disease you can think of (malaria is a big one!). You could make one of them (or both) a medic; you could genderswap them and write the gay field nurse fic this fandom sorely needs. And of course if you choose to branch out into modern AU you can begin to think of what might afflict them outside of a war setting: has Eugene been working too much and come down with a cold? Are they hungover, and need mutual care (and lots of takeout)? A lot of the time sickfic focuses on one character doing the comforting and the other character feeling unwell, but there’s nothing to say they can’t both be feeling shitty! I think we say this every year but there’s really no rules at all, you do whatever you feel inspired to do. With Sickfic, just be mindful to tag anything that others might be affected by eg. vomiting, blood, needles, etc.

Tarot

I feel like Tarot is pretty well-known to the Sledgefu fandom, or at least to those who like to write Snafu or his family a little witchy. In case you just have a vague idea of what Tarot actually is and what its purpose or origins are, I’ll explain it as concisely as I can! Tarot decks started life in Europe as playing cards, but eventually began to be used for divination. It’s made up of four suits, or the Minor Arcana, (Wands, Cups, Swords, and Pentacles) as well as a twenty-two card Major Arcana (the imagery of which you’re probably very familiar with). Commonly, tarot decks and tarot reading is used as a means of communicating with the higher self, deities, or with the universe. They can be used as a way to see the future, answer questions, or to give/receive advice. There are different ways of reading them too, depending on how one lays out the cards: I don’t want to make this too wordy, but if you’re curious I encourage you to check out this site to learn more!

For writers, there’s a lot of places this prompt could take you! Probably the most obvious will be fortune teller fic; a classic. Lean into Snafu’s Louisiana roots and have him telling fortunes in the depths of the French Quarter, or go against the grain and have Eugene reading cards and palms and tea leaves as a practice passed down through his family. Or maybe more casual: modern AU Sledgefu flirting through amateur tarot readings with a deck picked up from a junk shop. If you read Tarot and have a connection to it, you can express that through writing! It’s a pretty open-ended prompt, especially if you consider some of the meanings of the cards; you could even write a story inspired by that! The Hermit: Snafu withdrawing, leaving Eugene on the train to spend the next few months in solitude, working through things. The Moon: Snafu and Eugene hitting a rough patch, hiding things from each other. The opportunities really become endless once you start taking the readings of the cards into account! And for visual artists, this must be such a fun prompt: I feel like it’s so a visually rich, whether you’re re-drawing the cards to encompass Snafu and Eugene within them, or making a collage based around some of the things mentioned above: fortune tellers shops, witches cottages, etc.

Trinket

Every Sledgefu Week we tend to have a couple prompts that are a little more open to interpretation, and this year’s ‘Trinket’ is one of those. It might be difficult to try and think of something to base a whole fic or piece of art around, but we really encourage you to let your imagination run wild! There’s already some great trinkets in the show itself: Eugene’s ring, the lighter that Gunny Haney gave him, Snafu’s stolen gold teeth, or their dog tags. Think of small, special objects that you might have: what imbues them with comfort or meaning? What makes you love them? You could have Eugene giving Snafu his ring, or have Eugene musing over war and death and loss while smoking a cigarette lit by his lighter. If you’re into Modern AUs, how could these objects carry through to modern day? Once you start thinking about it, the ideas start rolling in. Feel free to invent special trinkets for them: or maybe trinkets that they hate and want to get rid of, trinkets that remind them of bad times. Trinkets that remind them of each other, or family, or war. So much meaning can be held in the things we own, and I think it’s such a lovely concept to explore!

Crossover

So this prompt was born from the sheer number of suggestions we had for various movie, TV, and book AUs. We didn’t want to put them all to the poll and risk a lot of you feeling disappointed over the one you wanted not being selected, so thought it’d work best to condense them into a ‘Crossover’ prompt so everyone could do whatever they liked. So this is a very very broad one! It would be impossible for me to really go through the prompt and highlight some things that you could do for it, because you can really do anything you want to! Anything! It encompasses movies, video games, TV, books, musicals... if something tells a story, you can do a crossover. So if there’s ever been a film/book/etc. AU you wanted to do for Sledgefu Week but couldn’t quite get it to match the prompts, now is the time!

Vacation

A pretty self explanatory prompt, and one that I think can appeal to people who prefer canonverse and those who like modern AU too! Do you want to send Snafu and Eugene on the holiday of their dreams, or are they gonna be bickering in a gas station over who gets control of the map? Is Snafu gonna drive across a couple states to surprise Eugene by visiting? Is Eugene gonna do the same? There’s a lot of scenarios you can apply to the backdrop of them vacationing, and a lot of emotional journeys you can take them through! And for the canonverse crowd, you have the extra addition of letting them go have fun on an R&R, or taking a road trip post-war, visiting 1950s Paris... you can really do whatever you like!

Historical

This was another prompt like ‘Crossover’ that came from a lot of various suggestions that all boiled down to a similar thing: different historical events or periods. So like Crossover, I won’t linger too long on it (this post is long enough already) except just to say again: do whatever you’re inspired to do! There’s no rules here, you could even take everyone out of the Pacific and put them over in Germany: give them a different experience of war. In fact, you can do that with any war if you wanted to! Wanna do a M*A*S*H AU but made something else for Crossover? You could do it here! Want to put them in the 1920s? You got it. In the 1850s? Yeehaw, they’re cowboys now. 1969, Summer of Love? 1600s, make Snafu a prince? Literally the world is your oyster!

Horror

Past Sledgefu Week prompts have included things that could come under the horror umbrella (Supernatural, for example) but didn’t necessarily have to be made 'horrific’. For the ‘Horror’ prompt this year, we want to see frightening! Disquieting, uncomfortable; creations that either cross over with existing horror franchises, or lean on horrific things you come up with yourself. Horror movies, or TV shows, or books or podcasts or pieces of art all seek to elicit a sense of fear: this can be done by tapping into common phobias, or nightmares, those things which are universally and almost instinctively scary. We want to see things which lean into that, in whatever way you want to do it! 

I’m no horror media expert (not by a long shot) but the opportunities for this prompt are really vast simply because horror has so many subgenres to work with. You could go gothic horror; Dracula, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights (a personal favourite AU -- Eugene soaked out on the moors, searching for Heathcliff-Snafu? Divine). Or you could go to the opposite end of the spectrum: Jennifer’s Body AU, Final Girl AU -- there’s no set way to do horror, in fact you could even bring horror into canonverse if you don’t like AUs. Think the Terror: some unknown beast lurking beyond the borders of their camp on Pavuvu, or Okinawa. Or you could even take the prompt entirely literally and explore the horrors of war and the toll it takes on them both. Please don’t feel stuck into needing to do Scary: horror is about fear and revulsion and dread, and these feelings don’t necessarily need to come from a haunting! (This is also a prompt ripe for monsterfucking, just FYI).

                                                - - - - - - - - - -

So that’s the prompts for this year! They’re all really really great, and have a lot of potential to make some fantastic stuff :~) And to reiterate something I said right at the start, there are no rules here! I think every year we normally get at least one person unsure whether their idea will be okay for the prompt they’d like to make it for, so I just wanna say here: don’t second-guess yourself! As long as it can be linked back to the prompt in some way or another (can literally be the vaguest way possible) you’ll be absolutely fine. We don’t vet submissions at all, especially not for their content relating to the prompts. All we ask is that you remember to stay respectful in what you’re writing, and when the time comes to post it, you tag and warn appropriately :~)

On the subject of writing respectfully, we’d like to just take a moment to link the document on mindful writing re: race and gender that was made last year. Please take a look at it, even if you read it last year! It’s always good to keep these things at the front of your mind, as fandom is a community sport and we want to keep it fun and safe for everyone involved! So thank you if you’ve made it this far through this whole post, check out the doc, and enjoy the rest of the run-up to Sledgefu Week!

[dangermousie]

That ending made me cry, but this time from happiness. So hard-won but so perfect.

I binged Yuwu like a maniac in four days and what a wild ride from beginning to end, with plot twists until almost the last page.

I laughed, I cried (I spent the last 100 pages pretty much sobbing non-stop and my face looks horrifying now) and this is now my second favorite web novel after 2ha. (Speaking of 2ha, this is not as angsty as 2ha to me, thank God. I felt like throwing up with 2ha a couple of times from crying so hard. It’s also not as complex as 2ha and not as gonzo and as EVERYTHING (and is less “show don’t tell” than 2ha but it’s still pretty damn amazing.)

Favorite Character: OK, this one is hard. With 2ha, I picked Moran without hesitation but here I really cannot decide between Mo Xi and Gu Mang because I love them both equally. They are both damaged and intense and Big Damn Heroes and with their own personality appeal and I just cannot. It’s like picking which one of your fingers is your fave.

Most Hated Character: the Emperor. Jiang Yexue might be even more repulsive but at least he was warped by the miasma so if he wasn’t he may not have been such a horror show. The emperor is just a giant void who wrecked the lives of Gu Mang, Mo Xi, Murong Lian and honestly everyone in the 100mi radius and all because he loves power; the sheer hell he put Gu Mang through is just !!!!!!!!!

Biggest OTP: Umm, if there were other OTPs outside Mo Xi x Gu Mang, I didn’t even notice because I was too busy bawling for the two deadly warriors who redefine ride or die; not to mention Meatbun made me believe that they really are the light of each other’s life AND two hard-core amazing people in their own right. 

Best family: Honestly, all the families in this are a horror show. I am happy Gu Mang and Murong Lian can act like the brothers they are at the end.

Biggest (for me) plot twist: God, so many, but either Gu Mang being a spy, the reason for Gu Mang stabbing Mo Xi through the heart, Murong Lian’s real plan or the entirety of Mengze’s existence.

Character who died that you wish had lived: Murong Chuyi. That was so horrifyingly unfair - he basically lived in hell for decades and sacrificed his life at the end (one of the scenes that gives he shudders in retrospect is when they go to Bat Island, and he doesn’t want to get on the same boat with Jiang Yexue even when exhausted and I was “why are you being so snobby” but to be cooped up with his torturer is really more than even someone that self-contained can bear.)

Character who lived that you wish had died:  Murong Mengze. Sort of though because if Mengze bought it, they could get an unfit ruler and despite everything I think about Mengze which is not something I could ever say in a family-friendly way, nobody else would be as good a ruler.

Coolest power: Mo Xi’s Tuntian. It really is the most powerful weapon in that world.

Angstiest moment: That’s like picking a grain of sand on the beach but probably when Mo Xi is the one who has to remove Gu Mang’s souls. Like that HURT SO BADLY! That or the whole Murong Chuyi storyline because it’s so unfair.

Character You Didn’t Think You’d Love But You Did: Murong Lian. In the beginning, I hated him so much I could hardly breathe and when I found out he didn’t die, I was distraught. By the end, I adored him to a ridiculous degree for reasons I’ve mentioned in other posts so I won’t repeat but I will add one thing - he was pretty ruthless with Gu Mang but he was just as ruthless with himself - he’s permanently fucked up his own health after all. Anyway, I love him, sorry not sorry. At the end, when he bought three pancakes at the market because he’s gonna get one for his brother and his brother’s boyfriend who he is hiding in his school open to everyone even if they are slaves, and is actually horsing around with them, awwwww.

Most romantic moment: Mo Xi breaking into the torture dungeon to rescue Gu Mang.

Anyway, this was an amazing read and I loved it!

[m4gp13]

I generally try to keep relationshippy type posts more platonic on my blog but ethabaster shippers (or ethaster, as I’ve seen it referred to) y’all gave me content when there was none, this one’s for you babes <3 Also quick sidenote, this ship has extremely limited content in canon (which is to say, NONE) so a lot of this is based on speculation but bear with me because some of them are actually fairly plausible (or at the very least they aren’t explicitly ruled out by canon). Si tight because this may end up being pretty extensive.

The main reason they are shipped is because they are the only two similarly aged demigods in the titan army that we have any information on (including name) and thus have some small chance of meeting however it would be silly to say this is the only reason and - believe it or not - there are some other interesting reasons on why this is shipped. Keep in mind this is the PJO fandom, a fandom that visibly adores the “the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one” trope (have y’all seen how popular Solangelo is ???) and in that respect Ethan and Alabsters personalities are easily compatible. 

I can’t recall a single instance in the books where Ethan is described as smiling; he is usually serious, driven and has very sharp responses to questions or statements he doesn’t like (see: “there is no wrong side”, glaring after being asked about his eye and almost pulling a sword on Percy for questioning his mothers motives and ethics). Alabaster on the other hand, while he is still traumatised from the massacre he recently witnessed, does still make ironic comments, smile and he is described at one point as “happy-go-lucky”. And yes, it is important to note that Ethan was with his enemy and Alabaster was with an ally during pretty much every page we see them in, the fact that Ethan had moments ago been rescued by the people he was snapping at and Alabaster still being somewhat cheery despite the horrors he had only just witnessed suggests it is more of a personality thing rather than a situation thing.  

This beloved trope is of course not the only instance of compatibility between the two. For example, Ethan’s story ended with him giving up the notion of getting revenge on the Olympians like kronos wanted and instead giving his life to pursue and fulfill his original goal of balance. On the contrary, Alabasters story is currently in a state in which vengeance helps keep him going; he sites revenge as the only thing that would make him go anywhere near chb. This sort of balances them out and creates and interesting dynamic and it would be a joy to see them interact after this but considering Ethan’s current predicament I don’t think that’s likely except in fics. (although in this Ethans calmer demeanor would make him the sunshine one and Alabaster with his John Wick revenge plot would be the grumpy one).

They also have a lot in common but not so much that they start looking like mirrors. They are both clearly passionate about their cause, both of them are willing to kill and die for what they believe is right. They both openly express how strongly they feel to the conflict and they didn’t get so far in the army by being apathetic to what everyone around them is fighting for. Alabaster was chosen to lead the demigods into battle and Ethan is definitely a person of note in the army from the things we’ve seen him do (meaning they had a very high chance of meeting during their time in the army). However, Alabaster and Ethan view the army in very different ways. Al clearly sees the army as a heroic force from his “hero’s never die, right?” line while Ethan isn’t so black and white with his world view which we know from his “there is no wrong side” line. This means that they are similar enough to have common interests that they can bond over while still being separate people that can act on their own wishes, desires or simple personalities. (because sometimes it’s nice when characters are characters instead of just existing to serve a ship)

They understand each other. As they were both high ranking members of the titan army with similar goals they will have had similar experiences and therefore know things about each other that most people just can’t; as in, they don’t have the experience necessary to understand them like they understand each other. This is very appealing from an observers perspective because a lot of the time people don’t want grand declarations of love and massive bouquets, they just want someone to know them intimately enough to be truly in love.

They also have a lot of story potential both before and after Ethan’s death. Especially if you consider the fact that Al could have saved Ethan or brought him back as a mistform. People like drama and intentionally or not seek out dramatic things. Ethan and Al’s storys are dramatic enough on their own but when you put them together and then imagine all the things they could have done or could do!!! The spice! The flavour! The DRAMA!!! and the intrigue. They are both very interesting characters that can pique one’s curiosity easily. When people are curious about characters they look more into them, think about them more and in some cases this leads to shipping.

Another reason is simple vibes. Sometimes you just look at some characters and go “yeah bro those guys vibe together” and that’s that. Your ship has been chosen by the Vibes ain’t nothing you can do about it. 

These aren't the only reasons of course but these are the only ones coming to my mind; if you have others please tell me. Now that we’ve got a couple of reasonings of why they’re shipped it’s time to look at their canon interactions. Since there are none you may expect me to skip this part entirely but you underestimate my devotion to both my favourite (platonic and romantic) ship and ✨obsessing over throwaway lines that only exist to give the readers a clearer image of a scene in their head rather than any plot important reasons✨. That’s right fellas it’s over analysis time (as the old saying goes, “if i cannot find homoerotic subtext, I will create it”) !!!

Before we begin, fear not avid lovers of sticking to things explicitly mentioned in the books, my argument is not “On page 228 of my copy of battle of the labyrinth, Ethan is first mentioned by a demigod holding a torch. Alabasters mother is the goddess Hecate and one of Hecate’s symbols is the torch therefore Alabaster is the person who found Ethan and thus the first times both are mentioned is in conjunction with each other which means boyfriends”, although I will admit my mind did have fun spiraling down to that little tidbit.

We know from the son of magic that Alabaster was able to use his magic to protect himself from the Princess Andromeda exploding but we are never given an explanation on how Ethan survived. I have mentioned this theory before and I’m going to say again the idea that Alabaster used the same magic to save Ethan that he used on himself. Alabaster doesn’t mention Ethan when he tells Claymore how he survived but remember he is still traumatized and it is anything but rare for trauma victims to seriously suppress their trauma (for example: almost watching a close companion being blown up right in front you and knowing that you are the only thing standing between them and breaking their toe on the big bad bucket) Of course there are reasons this might not work such as Ethan leaving the main deck to go to the engine room before the ship blows and Alabaster, being a high commanding officer, was likely on the deck when she blew however, Alabaster could have easily given Ethan some kind of magical protection before hand as they were warned of the anti Andromeda plot and will have prepared for any possible outcome. 

Another deadly event that Ethan miraculously survived is the bridge incident. Realistically, do you genuinely believe that an unconscious, minorly wounded kid is going to be able to drag his unconscious body through a massive crowd of tightly packed teenagers, to the other side of a very large bridge and get far enough away from that bridge to be safe from it completely collapsing all by himself ??? We already know Alabaster is powerful enough to survive an explosion of greek fire so a collapsing bridge should be nothing to him, even if he is lugging around his friends limp almost-corpse. Also, if you like the trope of character A lovingly teasing character B then there’s nothing to say Alabaster wasn’t the “nice knowing ya” guy and, If you prefer it when character A ruthlessly defends character B from silly jabs then there’s also nothing to say Alabaster didn’t stomp on the guys foot the second Ethan left. 

Another thing, ya know how Al has a bit of a revenge thing that he might need to tone down ever so slightly? Who better to help with that than a kid whose mum is the goddess of that kind of thing?! And yes, I know Ethan was already dead at that point but also, I don’t care; it can sort itself out. Anyway, I feel like with Nemesis kids it’s less of a “constantly seeking revenge for everything” and more of a “having a deeper understanding of revenge and therefore more able to regulate who does or doesn’t need some vengeance in their life”. It would have been interesting if Ethan survived and sorta coached Al on his feelings and how to deal with them in the least destructive way possible.

Also, as I mentioned before they are both high ranking individuals in the titan army. Al is chosen to lead the demigod forces into battle and Ethan seems to get called on by Kronos for a lot of specific tasks i.e. the sword of Hades, capturing Beckendorf, guarding Prometheus and being with Kronos during what he thought would be his final victory. From this we can assume that they probably worked pretty close together as the only high ranking demigods aside from Luke that we know of. All other important people in the army are titans, monsters or gods. As the only two demigods with such importance they probably gravitated towards each other and bonded over their workloads, goals or other things that people talk about before developing more intimate feelings (I assume but anyone who knows how relationships work please correct me if I’m wrong)

Also, a couple of things I noticed is what drives them is, at surface level, the same thing. They both want the Olympians to back up a bit and allow for the minor deity’s to receive some of the respect that has been with held from them for centuries. However, Al is more deeply motivated by his emotions while Ethan is not so much. Al expresses anger at the gods and disdain, he almost immediately latches on to the closest father figure he can get and gets notably excited when it appears he’s about to win and distraught when he thinks he’s lost. Ethan is motivated less by hatred for the gods but by a less emotionally draining thought of the minor gods deserve respect. He never gets emotionally invested in tasks, even life or death ones, unless attacked with something personal (he was generally apathetic during the parley until Percy started insulting him and his mother).

 This could be due to Al being allowed to openly express emotion while Ethan has been taught to suppress it. What evidence do I have for this? Their mothers. To Nemesis, Ethan is a tool, a means to an end, a “thing” to use so she can get the desired outcome. To her, taking his eye and telling him to join the army was little different from drilling a hole in a board. She took a part of his body as payment so she clearly doesn’t see him as or care that he is his own person with thoughts, feelings and desires of his own. Hecate on the other hand actively acknowledges that her son has his on interests ideas and she wants to see him happy which is a complete U turn from Nemesis. We know that Al ans Hecate have regular enough conversations through dreams but we don’t know if Ethan ever met Nemesis after the eye thing. So we know that Al has contact with a mother that not only supports him but actively uses her powers to improve his life (see Claymore) and Ethan saw his mother once, was presumably traumatized and never saw her again. Big yikes. (Also the reason that Hecate stopped resisting the Olympians was because they threatened her with Al’s life. If Nemesis was the one who chose to resist and Ethan was still alive would she have stopped to keep him alive? I doubt it)

But yeah that’s pretty much all possible character interactions they could have had, the rest is up to our dear old friend, imagination. have fun kids. Also pretty much everything here can be read as platonic sooo.

[sweet-evie]

I really felt annoyed on that kallen and lelouch scene where kallen landed on top of him in a sense where both has something to go back after the battle i mean lelouch was asking her to go back with him, I just felt where would c.c. be after the battle, will she be forgotten after it? Will it be like okay c.c. your job here is done you may go and we will go back to our own ordinary lives, will lelouch just let her go if she decided to go....lol and the list go on, (this is me speaking beyond shipping and as a c.c. enthusiast) and if i didn't know that the director is pushing c.c. and lelouch to each other i will forever hate the series cuz c.c. deserves the best (i mean its very obvious with the official arts and scenes and i remember reading something about it before) (can we also assume that c.c. got jealous on that part too lol what would happen if c.c. didn't speak about tabasco will they kiss? lol) I also really have a love hate feeling w/ kallen, she is really a good pilot and i kinda ship him sometimes with suzaku, sometimes not because i love him with euphie, but really that tension whenever they are together fighting or not Idk if its their strong and badass character but they really look good and compatible with each other but then I really love her with Gino the most lol i mean if i find kallen and suzaku compatible then i find kallen and gino most compatible hahaha Its just that kallen can show that she can be weak/soft can be tired or can breakdown (and not the always strong her) with gino. (I hope you can understand this part) I love it when gino picked her up after her battle with suzaku. How I wished gino appeared more in the series, was introduce early and they had scenes more together. I sometimes dislike her cuz she is over reacting in a lot of times like she is just too much and almost in par with nina's reaction most of the times haha (i kinda dislike/hate kxl scenes in a sense too that its one sided like its mostly k and l shows no interest but sometimes it look like there is a mutual feeling between both of them(i mostly felt its one sided shen watching the movie especially the resurrection) (What can you say about their scenes?, when he put jacket to her while she was wearing bunny girl costume, the refrain scene, when she fell on top of him, when she was captured, their kiss? etc.) BUT if you look at c.c. and lelouch relationship and scenes together its just too consistent lol i just love it how lelouch always assured and pursued her from that rooftop scene after battling with Mao, if she is a witch then he'll became a warlock, when he discovered and promised her about fulfilling her true wish, when she asked him if he hated her for giving him the power of geass and about to do something if kallen did not interrupt and bonus: that resurrection scene when he decided to become L.L. (I LOVE WRITING THIS PART OF ASSURANCE AND PURSUING ABT CLUCLU, MY FAVORITE XD, pls add some if i forgot something) i also kinda agreed to that statement except c.c. part lol going around that Shirley -> Lelouch Lamperouge, Kallen -> Zero and C.C. -> Lelouch Vi Britania but doesn't C.C. knows all lelouch's persona and had been supportive and stayed with him from the very start and in whatever path he chose? 😂 I hate it that people come at c.c.'s age and that she witness lelouch grow up like, is her immortality her fault? Like people are okay for male characters of 123456790 age falling for main girls in dramas or some animes for example but not okay if its c.c. lol SORRY THIS POST IS SO LONG it was supposed to be focus only on the first part about THAT scene 🙏

Whoa~ You’re not lying, this is one hell of an ask 🤣😂😅 I read 4 topics in this xD:

Lelouch, Kallen, C.C. scene

Kallen ships (Suzaku or Gino)

Kallen x Lelouch vs C.C. x Lelouch

C.C. & Lelouch's Age-gap

Let’s go in!

Lelouch, Kallen, & C.C. Scene

(can we also assume that c.c. got jealous on that part too lol what would happen if c.c. didn't speak about tabasco will they kiss? lol)

Maybe, but who knows, to be honest. xD The whole interaction was very impulsive, considering the fact that Lelouch was still fresh off of bouncing back from his depression, which Kallen had witnessed and was at the brunt end of.

When Kallen fell on top of Lelouch, I do believe both of them were thinking about that one moment where Lelouch tried to use Kallen to forget his current circumstances. Perhaps part of Kallen wanted it, but knew it wasn’t right. So I adore her for bitch-slapping him. xD The idiot deserved it.

C.C. was just there... I’m not sure if she was jealous or not. Maybe she didn’t give a fuck xD Before I could form my own conclusions, the entire scene is interrupted again because Zero gets called out into the control room.

Kallen Ships (Suzaku vs Gino)

I agree with most of your points in this part.

Personally, in my own fics, I ship Kallen with Gino a lot because for me, Suzaku belongs with Euphemia by default.

But, I do see the chemistry and the sexual tension that could go between Suzaku and Kallen. Like maybe their fights are really just unresolved sexual tension 😂🤣

I imagine a romance between them would be very explosive, passionate, and rough. I don’t just mean this in terms of sex, I imagine their entire dynamic would swing this way too. They’re really opinionated, and they both literally fight for what they believe in, and their conviction is strong enough to rival each other’s. 

Suzaku and Kallen just clash magnificently. On the other hand, Gino’s and Kallen’s personalities probably combine. They have things in common, but not too much to the point of being passionate and aggressive at the same time.

KaLulu vs CLuCLu

What can you say about their scenes?, when he put jacket to her while she was wearing bunny girl costume, the refrain scene, when she fell on top of him, when she was captured, their kiss? etc.

In that scene where he put his jacket on her, I think that’s gentlemanly of Lelouch. It’s something I expect from him considering he was born a prince, and also, he has a little sister. On a sidenote, I adore both him and Suzaku for being respectful towards the women in their circle, for the most part. 

That refrain scene was a moment of grief for Lelouch and he was being erratic. I said it once or twice, I’ll say it again. I am so happy Kallen bitch-slapped him. It shows that she’s not willing to put up with bullshit, and believes that Lelouch is definitely better than that. Kudos to her, she may have slapped him to his senses. For Kallen, it was a moment of, “Please be who we need you to be.”

It was a brilliant turning point for Lelouch as well. After Nunnally was given the role of Viceroy, Lelouch, at least, realized that his war and his rebellion against Britannia wasn’t just for his sister anymore. It was for everyone he cared about too. It was for the people who counted on Zero’s idea of freedom and perhaps peace.

In summary, I made my stance clear on KaLulu on a separate post long ago. But the gist was, they may have felt romantic feelings for each other, but it was probably brief and suppressed in favor of their grander goals and all that shit that was already going down. Romance just wasn’t appropriate for Lelouch or any of the characters who had something at stake in the war.

In the end, Kallen chose Japan, and Lelouch chose Zero Requiem. That is that. 😊

BUT if you look at c.c. and lelouch relationship and scenes together its just too consistent

Lelouch & C.C.’s relationship is a slow-burn from the get-go. It’s part of the reason why it’s so appealing to me.

Let’s be honest, Lelouch doesn’t even view C.C. as human until halfway to R1, and C.C. took almost all of 2 seasons to acknowledge the fact that she cared about Lelouch.

i also kinda agreed to that statement except c.c. part lol going around that Shirley -> Lelouch Lamperouge, Kallen -> Zero and C.C. -> Lelouch Vi Britania 

I understand why a lot of people like this argument. I, for one, believe there’s a grain of truth in it. 

BUT in my own honest opinion, I think that is a little unfair to Kallen and Shirley. I’m sure Lelouch cared about the two of them in unique ways and perhaps chose to hide behind masks around them to protect them and to preserve his own façade. Hell, he lied to his own sister for most of the entire show because he thought it would protect her and would shield her from the horrors of the world. (It didn’t turn out well, did it? 🤣) Still, my point is, Shirley and Kallen would have been willing to understand and know Lelouch’s every mask. Lelouch himself, just didn’t let them. And it was for their own good, I believe.

So why C.C.?

If there’s anyone in the world who can understand people’s multiple points of view, it would probably be C.C... She lived through most of mankind’s history, and she’s been alive long enough to take multiple perspectives in, meet different types of people, and see lots of ridiculous shit xD Lelouch slowly becomes aware of this fact as the series progresses, and we do see him have deep conversations with her from time to time. She’s capable of being objective. She knocks some sense into him a lot, especially during the beginning. One notable example of this that I will never forget is the episode after Lelouch realized Shirley’s father died because of his actions. It showed how immature Lelouch was being and how idealistic -- thinking war only took out the bad guys in his side of the story. Point is, she knows when to chastise him and when to offer her consolation, which is part of the reason why Lelouch would pick her as accomplice anyway.

but doesn't C.C. knows all lelouch's persona and had been supportive and stayed with him from the very start and in whatever path he chose?\

C.C. does know him. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘supportive’, nonetheless wholly supportive.

C.C. had her self-serving reasons, just like Lelouch. C.C. was looking forward to the moment Lelouch could acquire enough power and take her Code from her, so she could die. That’s why she saved his ass a lot in R1 and perhaps at the very beginning of R2. Her wishes and her intentions morph very slowly, and at one point, perhaps even blended together -- half still wanted to die, the other half was slowly empathizing and caring for Lelouch.

But yes, none can deny that she stayed with him from start to finish.

C.C. could have left after Charles & Marianne died, and I don’t think Lelouch would have blamed her if she did -- considering it was obvious that he couldn’t fulfill his end of the contract anymore. But she stayed. She stayed and helped, and kept her promise to stay with him to the very end.

Lelouch & C.C.’s Age Gap

I hate it that people come at c.c.'s age and that she witness lelouch grow up like, is her immortality her fault? Like people are okay for male characters of 123456790 age falling for main girls in dramas or some animes for example but not okay if its c.c. lol

Lelouch & C.C.’s bizarre age-gap is literally not any different from an age-old vampire or any other immortal falling in-love with a human.

I can certainly point out plenty of stories that half this same massive age-gap, and its fans still love it. 

[dawnie1988]

Summary: When setting up a dating profile, a picture really is worth a thousand words. And it turns out that, sometimes, getting that perfect photo requires the assistance of a helping hand

Words: 1,853

Pairings: Dean, Unnamed OFC - Who may or may not be loosely based on the same woman who inspired this whole thing in the first place

Warnings: Language, Bad Lighting, Impatient Doggies......That should just about cover it

A/N: Umm, so surprise! I did a thing! Inspired by this *gif set* and the subsequent conversation after with the amazing @thoughtslikeaminefield​​ regarding just how it was Dean got that profile picture for the dating app. It was only meant to be a fun little joke type thing of sorts, but after getting love and encouragement from some very fine ladies that I admire greatly, it is now seeing the light of tumblr. Miss MJ was also kind enough to give it a look through for a little clean up and any major mistakes and created the fantastic header! It really does pay to have friends in high places 😊

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

This was stupid.

 He was, he had no problem saying, one of the best hunters in the world. He had saved the world multiple times. Yeah, ok, maybe Sam helped a little, but still. He had fought both heaven and hell more times than he could count anymore.

 And yet, here he stood, unable to get one decent picture of himself.

 Stupid.

 It was the only thing left to do to complete his profile, to add his profile picture. He had been very tempted to just leave it blank, or just put a logo of something he liked. But that wouldn't do. You go on a dating site and refuse to put up an actual photo of yourself? Pshhh, yeah, because that doesn't just scream: STRANGER DANGER! I HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE!

 The whole point was to attract potential dates, not scare them away before he even had a chance to lay on the charm. And, plus, how would he attract anyone without actually showing off the goods?

 Advertising. It's all in the advertising.

The problem was, try as he might, he couldn't get a fitting picture of himself. Not one that truly showed off his full appeal.

 What? He wasn't allowed to think himself a handsome son of a bitch without being considered arrogant? Screw that! Body positivity, man. We're all beautiful in our own way, we should all believe it.

 Maybe he should put that in his profile too? Didn't chicks dig shit like that? Whatever…

 The photo. That was the issue. He couldn't ask Sam to do it, fuck no. He'd never let Dean hear the end of it if he knew he even had a dating profile. Besides, this was none of Sam's business. What Dean did in his private time was his and his alone.

 But, as it turned out, Dean wasn't very proficient in the art of selfie-taking. For one, the lighting in the bunker was horrendous. He'd gone all throughout their underground home and the results were either him bathed in shadows or being completely washed out underneath the harsh, fluorescent lights.

 And trying to find a flattering angle was damn near impossible! How the hell all those social media people did it was beyond him. Clearly, they were using every filter imaginable to improve their outcome. Not him though. Artificial was not his style. No enhancements needed.

Self. Love. People.

 It was as he was pacing around in the garage, trying to formulate his next plan of attack when inspiration struck. He caught Baby's eye — er, headlight, and Yahtzee!

 Baby was a total chick magnet. And, where did they both shine the most? That's right, out in the clear wide open. On the road, sun shining, not a care in the world. Natural lighting.

 Perfect.

 He drove for a while, scouting possible locations along the way while also simply enjoying the quiet time with Baby. Even if he was on a mission.

 Eventually, he pulled off the road near a lakefront that also served as a nice walking path for nature lovers. It was a beautiful, clear day, the whole scene very idyllic.

 This was it. This was the spot.

 However, there was still the hiccup of actually getting the picture taken. After the slightly traumatizing experience of trying to take his selfie, he couldn't bring himself to attempt that avenue again. He thought he could still do it himself regardless. There was a fence nearby, all he had to do was set the timer on the phone and presto! Done!

 You would think, that is.

 In reality, every time he tried to prop his phone up it would fall back down before he could even make it back to Baby.

 Just as he was about to throw the godforsaken device, like an angel from heaven — the fairytale kind, not the dicks with wings — she appeared.

 "Need some help there?"

 As if he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to, Dean quickly whipped around and was greeted by the lovely sight of a woman, perhaps a little older than himself, walking her two dogs.

 He took just a moment, because he simply had too, to admire her beauty. Sun-kissed skin, freckles that put his own to shame, friendly hazel eyes that held a multitude of warmth…

 Yes. An angel seemed a very apt description.

 Dean cleared his throat before an uncomfortable amount of silence was allowed to pass between them, feeling a slight blush tinged his cheeks when his mind came back around to acknowledge her question.

 "Uh, actually I umm… yes," he fumbled out.

 Why was he suddenly nervous? He felt so out of place now, he didn't like it. Still, he continued.

 "You see, I…"

 The woman cut him off — a mercy killing, it felt like to Dean — with a raised hand.

 "Let me guess, dating profile?" she asked, not at all trying to hide the knowing smirk.

 Something in Dean loosened at the understanding he found in his new acquaintance’s gaze. Shoulders relaxing, he let out a slightly bashful chuckle while giving a one-shoulder shrug.

 "Guilty. That obvious, huh?"

 She gave a small shake of her head. "Game recognizes game. I have my own experience and horror stories involving the dreaded profile picture. If you want, I can give you a hand?"

 Dean's eyes lit up at the offer. He knew it. He was not ashamed of it.

 "Yeah?"

 She laughed at his eagerness, a sweet-sounding melody, Dean noted to himself.

 "Sure. After all, I couldn't just leave you here without putting you out of your misery first. I'm no monster."

 She was teasing, of course. It didn't stop Dean from having to bite his tongue and swallow the comment about monsters that begged to be spoken. If only he had a nickel for every time he had heard that line.

 "Okay, awesome. Thank you."

 "No problem," she replied easily, accepting the phone he was handing over. "And I'm assuming you want that beauty in the photo with you?" she asked him, indicating Baby, earning a proud smile from Dean in return.

 As he said, Baby was a total chick magnet.

 "Duh."

 She laughed again, much louder and freer this time and the sound again had Dean grinning as he made the walk over to his trusty wing woman.

 "Nice choice. Okay, then, handsome, what are we going for here?"

 Dean faltered in his step slightly. "Uhh, how do you mean?"

 "I mean," she paused for a moment, readjusting the grip she had on the two leashes when the pooches started getting antsy. "What vibe are you trying to portray here? Brooding? Mysterious? Friendly?"

 "Oh, right!" Dean nodded his understanding.

 He thought it over, tilting his head slightly as he contemplated the pros and cons of the different choices in his head.

 "May I offer a suggestion?"

 "Sure, by all means."

 "Well, online dating can be intimidating enough as it is," she began matter-of-factly. "All you've got is a picture and a few words to go on. So, speaking solely on my own experiences, I tend to gravitate towards the more friendly option. You try to be sexy and it feels too put on and forced. You try to be mysterious and all I'm left thinking is what are you trying to hide. But friendly, easy-going and approachable is always a winner. That, makes me want to get to know you a little more. At least enough to read your profile anyways."

 Dean, eyebrows raised and mouth pulled down some, nodded in appreciation. This lady really knew what she was talking about.

 "Right, so friendly it is, then." He clapped his hands together and went to lean against Baby's side before stopping, thinking it over a second and deciding to hop on the hood instead, talking out his thoughts as he tried to determine the perfect pose.

 "So, not too posey, don't try too hard but at least put a little effort in to show I care…." he fidgeted around for a few moments more before falling into a comfortable, casual feeling position. "How's this?" he looked up, waiting for some affirmation.

 Dean would be lying if he said her genuine smile didn't make his stomach flutter a bit.

 "Looks good. Okay, on the count of three, give me your most inviting smile. No teeth though, just easy breezy. Ready?"

 "Ready."

 "One, two, three."

 She tapped the screen to capture the shot and immediately started walking over after checking the results. "I think we have a winner here."

 She handed the phone over to him and he couldn't help the satisfied smile from gracing his lips.

 Damn, he looked good.

 "Nice," he complimented her photography skills. "Well, Hell, I think you're right, I think this is it."

 He made quick work of uploading the photo to the app and confirming his information before finally hitting the 'submit' button to post his profile. He then turned the phone around for her to see again. "Whaddya think?"

 She leaned in closer, shoulder bumping his and dogs yapping around their legs as she looked over his full profile before nodding in approval. "Yup, you'll be beating them away with a stick in no time!"

 His chest may have puffed up with pride a little. Only a little.

 "Yeah? Awesome." He exited out of the app, ignored the text message from Sam wanting to know where the Hell he was and slid his phone into his back pocket.

 "Thanks again. It's, ah…" he brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. "All pretty awkward, but you were a big help."

 She gifted him with a megawatt smile as she untangled her dogs from around his legs, getting them ready to continue their walk. "No problem. Good luck with all that. Stay safe out there!"

 She began walking away and Dean found that he couldn't not do it. He had to, right?

 Right.

 "Hey!" he called out, switching gears and putting on his 'wooing' smile, lowering his voice an octave. "Ya know, maybe if you're not busy, I can take you for a cup of coffee or something sometime? My way of..." Dean let the tip of his tongue sneak out to wet his bottom lip while giving her a once over. "Thanking you, properly?"

 She was silent for a moment, brows raising slightly in surprise before a slow smile started to brighten her face up once more. She looked down for a tick, letting out a sound of amusement before meeting his eyes once again.

 "That's sweet, and I'm flattered, really, but I'm afraid I can't."

 Dean's smile fell some in disappointment. "Oh."

 "It's just — your profile says that you’re seeking woman,” she explained, much to Dean's confusion.

 "Oh...?" he trailed off, brows pinched as she started walking backward and away from him.

 "So am I."

 She gave him a wink before turning fully and continuing on. Out of his life.

 Dean could only roll his eyes.

 "Figures," he muttered grumpily to himself as he made his way back to Baby. "All the good ones are either taken or gay."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Tagging the cheerleading squad I had behind this: @thoughtslikeaminefield​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​ @there-must-be-a-lock​ @cracksinthewalls​ @rockhoochie​ @mskathywriteswords​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​ @cherry3point14​ @lastactiontricia​ @icemankazansky​ @stusbunker​ @justcallmeasmodeus​

[tlbodine]

Literary vs Genre Fiction

The divide between literary and genre fiction is one of those topics that gets endlessly debated in writer circles. You’ll see it making the rounds on social media every time a book gets some buzz for busting out of its category. You’ll hear it in MFA programs across the country. But what even is literary fiction? How is it actually different from genre fiction? Is one better than the other? Why does anybody care?

A lot of smart people before me have thrown their hat in this particular ring, but I’m going to try tackling this one anyway. 

First Off: What Do We Mean When We Say “Literary Fiction”? 

Defining the thing is almost the hardest part of this whole discussion, and that may be part of the reason why people argue so endlessly about the literary vs genre divide -- if you don’t have a clear definition of the categories, that divide can be drawn up just about anywhere. 

So before we dig into characteristics of literary fiction, let’s look at some clear examples. The Booker Prize is a literary award specifically given to works of literary fiction, so it stands to reason that winners of that award would be the best examples of the category, right? Here are some recent Booker Prize winners (as pulled from Powell’s bookstore): 

Margaret Atwood - The Testaments The sequel to A Handmaid's Tale, told as testaments from three female narrators in Gilead, a dystopian setting where women have been stripped of their rights.

Bernardine Evaristo - Girl, Woman, Other Twelve central characters, mostly black British women, lead intersecting lives with struggles of identity, race, sexuality, class, etc.

Anna Burns - Milkman A girl identified as "middle sister" catches the unwanted attention of "the milkman," a local paramilitary, and has to deal with the threat of violence and spread of rumors.

George Saunders - Lincoln in the Bardo A father-and-son story about Abraham Lincoln and the 11-year-old son who died of illness in the midst of the civil war, leading to them both struggling in a type of purgatory.

Paul Beatty - The Sellout A satire about an isolated young man who ends up at a Supreme Court race trial after trying to reinstate slavery and segregate the local high school in an attempt to put his town back on the map.

One thing becomes immediately clear about literary fiction when skimming through the titles and summaries of these award-winning books: These novels are well-nigh impossible to summarize in a way that actually sounds enticing. 

So okay. What are some genre fiction books, for comparison? There are genre fiction awards, like for example the Hugo award for Sci-Fi/Fantasy: 

Mary Robinette Kowal - The Calculating Stars A cataclysmic meteor collision in 1952 causes an accelerated effort to colonize space, leading to a woman fighting to join the astronaut team in this alternate-history book.

N. K. Jemisin - The Stone Sky The third in a trilogy of post-apocalyptic novels about two women with the power to avert destruction of mankind.

Cixin Liu - The Three-Body Problem Against the backdrop of China's Cultural Revolution, a secret military project makes contact with aliens whose civilization is on the brink of destruction, leading them to plan a takeover of earth.

There’s also the Edgar Award, which is given to mystery fiction (it’s named after Edgar Allan Poe): 

James A McLaughlin - Bearskin A man on the run takes a job as a park ranger, but runs the risk of being found by the men he's hiding from when he tries to expose some poachers.

Walter Mosley - Down the River Unto the Sea After spending a decade in prison for a crime he was framed for, former-detective King works as a private investigator whose investigation of his own frame-up leads him to cross paths of a journalist with a similar story.

Sujata Massey - Widows of Malabar Hill In 1920s India, Bombay's only female lawyer investigates a suspicious will on behalf of three Muslim widows, a case that takes a murderous turn.

These aren’t the best summaries in the world, but there does seem to be a stronger sense of both plot and character in the story concepts. At least, when someone asks, “What’s that book you’re reading about?” the genre fiction ones will have a somewhat easier time explaining it. 

So What REALLY Separates Literary From Genre Fiction? 

There are a lot of battle lines drawn between genre and literary fiction. I’ve heard it argued that literary is about character while genre is about plot; that literary is about the quality of the prose while genre is about the story; that literary is about experimenting while genre is about adhering to formulas. That literary is about expanding horizons while genre is about escapism and comfort. That literary is about realism and genre fiction is about fabulism. 

I think there’s a nugget of truth in all of these, but I’m not really happy with any of them. 

So I’m going to toss out my own hypothesis: I think the difference between literary and genre fiction is the way tropes are employed. 

“Okay, great, but what are tropes?” 

I’m so glad you asked. Fiction tropes are a type of shorthand. They are things that we the audience have seen before, so we know immediately what they mean. Tropes exist in characters, plot points, settings, concepts -- you name it. Here’s a sampling of tropes you might be familiar with: 

The tough lady-cop whose dad was a police officer 

Thanks to a mix-up, two people with hidden romantic feelings book the last available room at a hotel but there’s only one bed 

A man goes on a quest for vengeance but destroys himself in the process

The wise old man who teaches the young hero valuable lessons but then dies before the pivotal battle

And so on, and so forth. Every genre has its own tropes -- a formula, if you will. In that sense, genre fiction is formulaic, but that doesn’t make it easier to write; actually, a big part of the challenge is in giving fresh twists to familiar tropes. Readers of genre stories demand certain tropes; the author has to deliver on those demands in a fresh way.

By comparison, I would argue that literary fiction does not rely upon tropes. There certainly are tropes and conventions that emerge in literary fiction -- a middle-aged academic struggling through divorce, for example -- but these tropes are more often than not met with irritation, not delight. Readers of literary fiction are looking for fresh insights and innovations, not familiarity. 

Tropes are powerful tools. They are the mythic seed of storytelling. They are the archetypes that pass down through generations. They are a sacred backbone of mythology and folklore. Genre fiction, at the end of the day, carries the torch for storytelling in a long and (ha, ha) storied tradition from our prehistoric days huddled around a campfire. 

Literary fiction, on the other hand, eschews tropes -- with their agreed-upon meanings -- in favor of assigning fresh meanings to things. Literary fiction is chock full of metaphors, but it’s the author, not convention, that determines what those metaphors mean and how they’re employed. Literary fiction reinvents the wheel. When it succeeds, it hits on depth and emotional resonance that can be life-changing for the reader. When it fails, it comes off like so much navel-gazing nonsense. So it goes. 

Fiction Wars and Gatekeeping

The problem with the literary vs genre fiction divide is that it never stops with “This is how these categories are defined.” The problem is that people will insist on ascribing moral significance and hierarchy to them. 

Literary fiction is viewed as being smarter, deeper, more meaningful or more valuable than genre fiction. If a genre fiction story manages to break out and gain wider appeal, suddenly people will start ascribing to it literary attributes (whether or not the book and many others in the genre had them all along). And that is all a bunch of nonsense. 

It’s the exact same thing that happens in horror fiction -- when a horror story goes mainstream, suddenly it becomes a “psychological thriller” or a “dark drama” or anything other than horror, because “horror” is an inferior genre. 

The fact of the matter is that literary fiction gets elevated over genre fiction for systemic reasons: 

Most MFA programs focus on writing literary fiction, which means that a lot of lit-fic authors come out of those programs, which means that literary fiction is often the domain of upper-middle-class, frequently white, people who can afford to graduate from those programs

A focus on dense prose and “difficult” writing means lit-fic books must be analyzed and interpreted; it’s hard to read, making it exclusionist to people who lack formal education 

Lit-fic dominates awards, gets pushed heavily onto book clubs, is talked about more often on daytime TV and so forth (because it is perceived as being better/more important, thus creating the ongoing cycle)

Basically, lit-fic gets held up as an example of Fine Culture. And any time something is designated as Fine Culture and High Art, it is subject to a completely arbitrary classist distinction meant primarily to keep out an undesirable element (women, BIPOC, poor people, you name it). 

That’s not a problem endemic to lit-fic itself. It’s really a problem of the culture surrounding it, and attempts to hold it to a higher esteem than genre work. 

Cross-Pollination Is Inevitable and Desirable 

How do tropes get made? 

Someone comes up with a new metaphor, concept, character, or idea that resonates so deeply that others who follow borrow that same thing and its meaning, and it gets repeated enough times that it becomes a stock trope. 

In other words, every single piece of genre fiction exists because someone writing in some other established tradition decided to experiment and go off on a tangent to create something really fresh and new -- and knocked it so far out of the park that people were compelled to follow. 

People like to pretend that the overlap and blurred lines between genre and literary fiction are somehow a new trend, but the fact is that this has been the trajectory of fiction-writing for the whole history of storytelling. 

Literary agents have a term for this: Upmarket fiction. Books that “transcend” genre definitions to appeal to readers on either side of the aisle. And those are highly sought-after books, because they have the potential of bringing in double the readers. 

So, snobby gatekeeping aside, is there any real reason to argue about the definition of literary vs genre fiction? 

I’d say...no. Not even a little bit. I’ve got a mix of both on my shelves. I incorporate a mix of both in my writing. And I don’t see that changing any time soon. 

A Final Note 

I mentioned above that lit-fic tends to be written by people in MFA programs, and I wanted to touch on that again as an MFA drop-out and someone who was once warned by a teacher not to bring “any more of that genre nonsense” into the classroom. 

I can understand, from a teaching perspective, why writer’s workshops would want to focus on lit-fic. From the perspective of learning how to write, forcing writers to derive stories from their experiences, to dig deep into themselves and ascribe unique meaning to things, to develop their own metaphors and hone their craft at the sentence level -- all of that makes a lot of sense. Banning genre tropes is a way to force writers to hone their craft without leaning on the work of generations of storytellers before them, and as a teaching tool I think that’s actually really valuable. 

But I think it’s pretty important that we keep that in context. The lit-fic focus in writing classes should be a teaching tool first and foremost. It should not be the end-all and be-all of writing classes.

This post topic was voted on by my Patreon subscribers. If you would like to vote for future posts and get early access to posts before they go live on tumblr, you can become a patron here: https://www.patreon.com/tlbodine

[carriagelamp]

Book Review - Summer Summary 2020

I didn’t get around to doing an individual post for the books I read in June/July/August, so I decided to choose a dozen that I read over the summer... I’d separate the wheat from the chaff for you so to speak. Though like you’re about to find out, that doesn’t necessarily mean they were all good by any means...

Crave

My girlfriend got this for me to “tide me over until Midnight Sun”. Between you and me, I think she was taking the piss. Anyway, Crave is very... standard fare paranormal YA school romance with the added flare of being written by an adult erotica writer, meaning the rhythm and tone of this novel is fucking bonkers. If you want to read the novel without reading the novel, just take Twilight and the entire Vampire Academy series, shove them in a blend, and force down the sludge you get from that. Normal Average Girl Goes To Secret School In Alaska For Vampire, Werewolves and Dragons. That’s this book. It is so big and so so so bad. I finished it out of spite, please don’t do that to yourself. Unless you are really craving (hurr hurr) some top tier trashy paranormal romance, in which case... no judgment.

The Last Firehawk

The Last Firehawk is a Scholastic “Branches” series, written for beginning readers (grade 1-3ish, depending on the child’s reading level). It has short stories, big text, and awesome pictures on every page. Guys. I unironically am adoring this series. It’s simple and is introducing children to a number of classic elements in the fantasy quest genre, but it is so charming. Friends Tag and Skyla discover a firehawk egg, and species that is supposed to have disappeared long ago. When Blaze hatches from it, the three are tasked with going out and finding the magical ember stone which was hidden long ago by the firehawks and which could be used to defeat the evil vulture Thorn and his dark magic... I read the first two books to second graders who ate it up and read the next four books because I personally wanted to continue the series. If you have young readers in your life (or just want a fun kid adventure) then please try these they’re the literary equivalent of nibbling on a chocolate chip cookie.

Lupin III: World’s Most Wanted #3

All the kind people that still follow my tumblr and haven’t tried to murder me because of my Lupin obsession are not going to be surprised by this one. I finally read one of the manga for this series and honestly I’m delighted. Somehow even hornier than the show, but hilariously funny. I felt like I was reading a more adult version of Spy Vs Spy. It’s a bunch of short, individual bits/adventures with lots of visual gags and an artstyle that is really different and delightful.

River of Teeth / Taste of Marrow (American Hippo series)

I’ve talked about River of Teeth before, but I finally finished the American Hippo duology and need to sing its praise. This is an alternate history series composed of two novellas that explore the question What would have happened if the States had decided to import hippos as livestock...? Anyways, my pitch for you: queer hippo cowboys. That’s all it took for me to read it. You have a gay gunslinger who loves his hippo to death, a nonbinary explosives-expert / poisoner who is the main love interest, a fat con artist who spoils her hippo and is the only voice of reason in this entire series, and a latina mother-to-be who is the scariest assassin in the entire series and is obviously scheming. The four of them are brought together on a job to deal with the Mississippi’s feral hippo problem.

IT’S A QUEER HIPPO COWBOY HEIST NOVEL GUYS I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M STILL TALKING AND YOU HAVEN’T JUST GONE TO READ THIS YET.

Petals to the Metal (The Adventure Zone series)

The graphic novel adaptation to the McElroy family’s DND podcast The Adventure Zone. Most of you are probably aware of this? It’s a great adaptation, it hits all the important beats, shows off the characters really well, and still gets lots of good gags in even while condensing entire arcs into single book stories. This one is probably my favourite so far just because Petals to the Metal was one of my favourite arcs in the show... but you can also see how the art has improved and the chaos of the race is fun to see drawn out.

If you like The Adventure Zone but haven’t tried the graphic novels yet -- would recommend! If you’ve always wanted to listen to The Adventure Zone but don’t have time for such a long series or struggle to focus on podcasts then pick up the first book of this series (Here There Be Gerblins) and try reading it! It really is an enjoyable adaptation.

Pony to the Rescue (Pony Pals series)

I continued my April/May theme of reading old-school chapter book series to combat Covid Brain Fry, so I picked up a few Pony Pals books. I read these as a kid and always enjoy them -- there’s just something so appealing to a child about having a horse. It gives your child characters a level of independence and ability to explore that you wouldn’t get otherwise. These books definitely read young, but they were nostalgic to revisit.

Small Spaces

A really cool middle grade horror novel I picked up. Maybe it’s because I live around a lot of corn fields, but farm/scarecrow themed horror absolutely does it for me. One evening, after seeing a woman try to destroy a strange, old book, eleven year old Ollie doesn’t stop to think, instead stealing the book and running. That’s how she becomes wrapped up in the strange, sinister story of a cursed family and creature called the Smiling Man that seems to live out in the foggy fields. While unsettling, Ollie tries to remind herself that it’s just a story... but this becomes more challenging when her school bus breaks down one day out their own set of fields, and a fog is rolling in...

“Avoid large spaces. Stick to small.”

Snot Girl #1 - #2

A Canadian graphic novel series by the creator of the Scott Pilgrim series! I love his work so I decided to give Snotgirl a try, even though it’s not generally my genre. I’m glad I did! First book took a while for me to get into, but by the time I hit the second I was really wrapped up in the mystery and character development. Snotgirl is about Lottie, a self-consumed fashion blogger whose biggest struggles are dealing with her allergies, frustration with her fellow-blogger friends, and how entirely her self-esteem is tied to her “beauty” and how people view her. But everything shifts in strange and horrifying ways when Lottie starts taking a new allergy medication, meets a new friend... and then witnesses that girl’s death. Or does she?

Seriously, or does she? I have no idea, I need to read the third book. This book is full of intrigue, complicated relationships, murder (or not?), and a healthy dose of magical realism to keep you guessing. If you like slice-of-life, crime, and abstract reality then this series is world a try. Plus the art is gorgeous.

Summer Wars #1 - #2

I recently rewatched Summer Wars (still one of my favourite movies) and decided to read the two-book manga adaptation. It was a really neat little adaptation. The creator of the movie gave the writer free range to tweak things to fit better in a manga format, which means some movie elements were allowed to fade into the background, whereas other aspects were fulled into the forefront and fleshed out to a greater degree. It was very cool, it kept the same story but gave you new things to think about which I wasn’t expecting. Reading this as a stand alone works just fine, but honestly if you’ve never watched the movie Summer Wars you should give it a try! It’s a great mix of slice-of-life, sprawling family dynamics that I relate to a little too well, cyber adventures, and fantasy. Super feel good.

This One Summer

Okay, last graphic novel, I swear. This One Summer was... weird and intense. It’s a coming-of-age Canadian graphic novel that follows a pair of pre-teens who meet up like they do every year at their family’s summer cottages. You see them both in the awkward phases between childhood and growing up to become teenagers, as they’re confronted with things like maturity, friendship, self-esteem, family problems, and sexuality. A beautiful read, but probably the heaviest out of all the books on my list.

Wild Thornberrys Novelization

I rewatched The Wild Thornberrys movie with my girlfriend earlier this year, and decided I wanted to hunt down the chapter book novelization because I’m kind of a sucker for novelizations. Honestly, this was about what you would expect from the era. 90s/00s novelizations, especially young novelizations, are generally just a transcript of the movie without much thought or effort put into them to make them anything but. That’s what this was. It was fine, and it really let me revisualize the entire movie, but honestly you’re probably better off just rewatching the movie unless you also really deeply love The Wild Thornberrys.

The Willoughbys

I saw that Netflix had done a funky looking adaptation of The Willoughbys and I decided I needed to read the book first before watching the movie. This was a little bizarre, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Over all, I think it was a net-positive experience. It’s an obvious satire on classic children’s novels, especially the likes of Mary Poppins (real Mary Poppins, not the Disney version) and while a little heavy-handed, it does a Series of Unfortunate Events vibe that redeems it. The story is about a group of horrible children (The Ruthless Willoughbys) who decide they are sick of their parents and would rather become Worth Orphans... and to do that, they’re going to have to dispose of their inconvenient parents, obviously. Conveniently their parents are also sick of having children and decide to do away with them as well. The Willoughbys sets up three (or four?) different subplots that are gradually woven together through a series of schemes and exploits. It’s definitely more ruthless (hurr hurr) than the Netflix version, which tried to make the children more sympathetic, and in some ways I think that’s a definite point in the novel’s favour. I’m not sure I would go out of my way to recommend it, but it was a fun romp if you want something short and off the wall (and a lot more fleshed out than the Netflix version).

[glitterfairy-21225]

WandaVision Wishlist/Theories

Okay, my thoughts have pretty much been consumed by WandaVision, Spider-Man 3, and this whole multiverse. Ironically, when I first heard about a potential multiverse in Far From Home I was relieved to find out it was all a facade. I wanted the MCU to remain an isolated world in itself, I guess not really understanding what a multiverse story could lead to. Now that I have a grasp of what might be happening, I have not only changed my mind but I've fallen into my fanfiction trend of waking up each morning, going through the day, actively going and looking for old news, hoping for a new update of some sort. So my wishlist. Some ground rules first; I'll also write individual wishlists for the others, this is just for WandaVision but also some of the stuff pays off later and I'll talk about that.

Evan Peters Quicksilver. I've said this multiple times so I'll keep it quick. I keep telling myself to just accept a cameo, but I hope he plays a big part, maybe coming back to help in Doctor Strange, maybe bringing his universe's heroes with him. I sort of see Wanda having a breakdown at the end of one of the episodes and doing something freaky with her powers, and it ends on the wham shot of Peter Maximoff asking who she is. I. Would. Scream.

I've also said that I'd be happy if he plays Mephisto as predicted, but now that I've really thought about a Quicksilver.... That might not be true anymore. That being said, I think the main appeal for me at least would be seeing Peters pull out his American Horror Story acting chops. But that's only if it's not Quicksilver, which I don't see why they wouldn't.

Post credits scene. Now I'm not suggesting one after every episode.... Actually, maybe one after every episode. Why not? It would probably get old quick though, but maybe still. Anyways, what if in the final episode, we get a post credits scene of Wiccan and Speed getting reincarnated. 

Okay, so you know how there's a dream related song playing from every decade they're parodying? For the eighties, do Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This. There may be a better choice for that, but shut up no there isn't. Plus all that stuff about abuse could be applicable to Wanda's situation with her reality world.

Give Jimmy Woo a boyfriend.

Wanda gets her reality warping/hex magic and is revealed to be a mutant. I struggle to even put this because it seems like a given, but a part of me is still like, 'What if they don't, though.' And I can't accept that. Wanda Maximoff is one of the most powerful beings in Marvel. Act like it. I'm sorry, I just love her and her comic powers so much. That's how you write an overpowered goddess, by giving her a crap life and every reason to just explode. I'm glad Marvel's learning.

Maybe start an episode with a prologue of Wanda's backstory with the missiles and her and Pietro going to Hydra. Trailer breakdowns have determined that at points in the trailer it shows Wanda in her first appearance in Winter Soldier. I'd prefer if, either as a basic flashback or a break of reality causing a hyper real flashback, Wanda relives her powers being unlocked by the soul stone firsthand. This could also be a nod to mutants.

Erik Lehnsherr cameo. In another start of an episode, or the same one, show him helping them out as kids. Maybe even Erik giving them up for adoption. Either Wanda doesn't know he's her dad or she does and hates him. If it's the latter, they joined the Nazis out of resentment, because... Come on. Also, maybe he's raising Lorna Dane post plane crash as a foil to his relationship with Wanda.

Show Wanda's struggle. Since House of M is a major inspiration they should draw from that. In that story, Wanda's powers got out of control due to grief and pretty everyone was all for killing her. I kind of hate that when it comes to god level superwomen, they're all either evil or written like Captain Marvel, obvious exceptions aside. The way you write overpowered is by giving the character no control over the massive abilities and having that as a point of contention. 

Two paths for Agatha. A) She’s a villain. Either she works for Mephisto if we go down that route, or she actively encourages Wanda to stay in this strange universe and pushes her on when she has a breakdown. She seems confused but I hope this is either an act, or if not then she just goes with the chaos and uses it to her advantage.

B) Agatha Harkness as a former mentor/mother figure of Wanda's. She seems really confused and not in a fake way in the trailers. Though it could 100% be fake. Maybe the reason she is in Wanda's sitcom world is as she tried to get through to Wanda, like I think Monica Rambeau did. Maybe Wanda's mother was a witch like in the comics (after a shitty retcon) and Agatha raised them after them after their (adoptive?) parents died... Ooh!

Wanda has both magic powers and mutant abilities. Agatha taught her as a child, but she swore it off at some point for some reason. I think I finally understand her powers in the comics, because it never made sense to me, but this does. Simple explanations equal understanding I guess.

Wanda's headpiece. Not as a Halloween costume, but for real that's all. Also I heard someone theorize that her outfit is colored as a sort of couples matching with Vision, which, uh, yes please.

Wanda creates the reality herself, not Mephisto. He still feeds off this dilemma though. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or how she’s doing it, but at some point in the series she realizes what’s happening and decides to devote herself to the false reality, which is when she willingly changes the furniture in the trailer.

As excited as I am for Evan Peters, give ATJ Quicksilver some love as well. I heard that the actor doesn’t want to return to the MCU, which is fair, but still give him some love. And at some point before Evan Peters shows up so it’s not like, ‘Oh yeah, I remember him!’ Maybe a flashback to Wanda before entering the sitcom reality mourning him as well. Maybe sitcoms where everything is wrapped up with a pretty bow is how the twins coped as children. Hell, maybe it was a family thing with dead parents/Magneto/Harkness.

God, I hope that people don’t find this after the show comes out and says, ‘This would’ve been better than that travesty.’ Maybe after the show is completed I could reblog or something to see how much actually came to fruition one way or another. Just the basic wish though, because my brain is too specific for anyone else. Like when youtubers make movie predictions and then play bingo after it comes out.

Edit: Just realizing I didn’t title this... Shit.

[monstersandmaw]

Yup. Part One. This absolute monstrosity quite literally grew wings and took on a life of its own, so yes, there will be a part two shortly, and it will be NSFW.

I shared the mood board/aesthetic for this over on Discord and a couple of people said they were excited, so I hope you enjoy it! It's set in Old Trollbridge, and you may pick up a passing reference to another character whose story was set here... Let me know in the comments if you remember them... Thanks also for your wonderful and enthusiastic feedback on Winter Solstice Chapter Five!

Contents: former school bullies, reader with a very slight potty-mouthed internal monologue, being physically attracted to someone(s!) that you didn't like intellectually/emotionally, watching said people kiss/be physically affectionate, the old 'oh no we've been paired on a project and will have to work together now or we'll get bad marks' trope, and some general growing up :) Wordcount: 5766

Chunky preview:

Winding up at the same university as the two biggest dicks from high school would have been - trying - enough, but to end up not only in the same department but also in the same damned classes was just downright cruel of fate. And yes, that was absolutely the right word for them.

The University of Old Trollbridge was known for its academic excellence in all areas, from cutting edge medicine to more traditional approaches, and the centuries-old institution was a bastion of learning, with places hotly contested. You’d nearly run herself into the ground in school to pass the right exams to get here - to leave all the pettiness of high school behind and finally start over - and here they were. It was going to be exactly the same. You could feel it. They’d worm their way to the top of the hierarchy again, and everyone would worship the ground they touched, and it would all just be awful.

“Fucking hell. This isn’t happening,” you cursed, watching the familiar and very particular hue of the naga’s dark green scales as he slithered across the entrance hall of the history faculty building, his muscular tail rippling with a million iridescent, deep emerald green colours. The atrium wasn’t exactly flooded with light, so somehow he looked like a living shadow.

People watched him; everywhere he went, people noticed him. He was probably one of the more famous undergraduates the university had had in recent years, what with his family’s ancient bloodline and apparently endless bank vaults, and his brief but extremely successful stint in modelling. The fact that the naga and his best friend (and almost literal sex god), Iltho, had gained a place was not all that much of a surprise to anyone, but you’d hoped they wouldn’t have chosen the same flipping department as you for their undergraduate studies. Not that they could be accused of paying their way in; for starters, the university had not accepted that kind of thing for generations.

No, they were both beautiful and unbearably smart too.

It was indecently unfair.

Your lip curled. Just as you’d been about to turn away, your roommate caught up with you. You’d put down that you didn’t mind who you were put with - gender or species - and for once, you’d actually lucked out. Rachel was an extremely talented spell caster, and, from what you’d seen of her in the first two days of your acquaintance, extremely tidy. “What’s up?” she asked, smiling up at you from beneath a thick curtain of vibrant, pastel pink hair. She was also about a foot shorter than you.

You jutted your chin at the naga.

“Oh my god, that’s… wow. I didn’t know we had a celebrity in our department!” she giggled, elbowing you playfully in the side. “Gods above… he’s gorgeous. It’s sinful. It shouldn’t be allowed. How am I supposed to concentrate in Old High Runic if he’s sitting there looking like that?”

“He’s also a massive cock,” you snorted. Fucking ‘Drake Shimmerscale’. Even his name was a giant cliche. Fancy noble lines with their fancy stupid names.

She tilted her head curiously. “You… know him?”

“Went to school with the bastard. Him and his best friend -” you cut off, eyes widening, as a second figure strode out of a doorway and exclaimed loudly. “Fucking… speak of the devil.”

“That’s a bit harsh,” she said, her eyes also locked on the newest arrival. It was easy to see why she’d thought you’d been referring to his appearance; his skin was a deep, ruby red, he had enormous, black, curved horns, a blunt-ended tail, and the bat-like wings that hung down his back looked like they’d been dipped in dark ink at the tips. He was also built like a bull and turned heads wherever he went, and here was no exception. Of course, the incubus would have to keep his ‘influence’ under control while at the university, but that didn't mean he didn't just naturally exude sex appeal anyway. Six-foot-something tall, with long, black hair that he usually wore pulled back into a thick braid studded with golden beads, he had flashing golden eyes and a mouth made for kissing.

Everyone had fantasised about being with him (and/or Drake) at school. Iltho had looked twenty-five since the age of fourteen, and acted like it too. Confident, cocky, quietly arrogant, also filthy rich, and stupendously intelligent, there was nothing that Iltho didn’t have. Really, the duo had made a striking pair, with the milk-white of Drake’s skin and the heated crimson of Iltho’s, their gemstone eyes of yellow and green, and their aloof personalities. The pair had ruled the school without having to do so much as lift a finger. They’d also done nothing to stop the lesser bullies posturing and vying for their attention. ‘Popular’ they may have been, but they’d also been about as liked as a Nightmare at a slumber party.

“No,” you said. “It’s not harsh. They’re both awful and they made life hell for the rest of us.” And with that you turned away, heading for the library.

You fumed as you stalked along the corridor and up the stairs towards the department’s ancient library. Yours was, appropriately enough for the History Faculty, one of the oldest buildings in the university, and it was absolutely everything you’d ever hoped for or dreamed from Old Trollbridge. The sheer aesthetic of it was mesmerising. Taking a huge, deep breath of the slightly musty air as you stepped into the library, you tried to put the pair of bullies out of your mind. This could still be your fresh start, surrounded by fragile parchment and vellum, leather spines, ancient oak tables, and the vague tingle of magic in the air.

There were wards in the ceilings to syphon off excess ambient magic in places like this, and as you let your eyes roam up and follow the conductive brass rods embedded in the ceiling, you nearly crashed into one of the long trestle tables that had been placed in a remote alcove, lit on one side by a huge, leaded, arched window and framed on the other three by bookshelves. As if fate had chosen you a place to settle down, you stared at the empty space for a moment before deciding that this would probably be your study spot for the rest of the year. It was right at the back of the library, and seemed out of the way enough that it wouldn’t be on the regular stamping ground of first years looking for the standard texts. It was also open enough that it probably wouldn’t be sought out for… other activities. The stacks, with their dark corners and endless shadows, seemed much more appropriate for that.

Yes. This would be perfect.

And you wouldn’t have to think about them here either.

Gods, even trying to get the thought of them out of your head prompted a flare of hot ire. Iltho and Drake had been inseparable at school. Class A bullies who just stood there and let everyone else spar and jockey for the dubious honour of being their latest minions and underlings, letting their wealth and, in Iltho’s case, ‘charisma’ carry them through. Half the school had been in love with them at one point, influence or not. And yes, even you had admired them from a distance. Rachel was right - they really were absolutely fucking gorgeous. Both of them. And it fucking sucked.

An hour later, a shadow passed in front of that beautiful window and you glanced up as someone halted beside your table. “That’s a familiar sight,” a deep voice chuckled.

Your stomach dropped and you felt your face fall with horror before you schooled it into something a little more acerbic than you’d ever managed in school. Funny how a few months’ internship abroad over the summer at one of the world’s most prestigious historical institutions could change everything. You hardened your eyes and noticed the way he watched you.

“Iltho,” you said flatly as you cricked your neck to look up at him. “You're blocking the light, but I can’t tell if it’s your wings or your ego that’s obliterating the sun. Would you care to move?”

Read the whole thing right now, as well as all the Mermay 2020 posts (five in total, including extra artwork), a surprise, nsfw ‘ghost lover’ story, all of Winter Solstice up to the current chapter, a new multi-chapter vampire story, the mlm werewolf story, plus everything that’s been posted already on Patreon!

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[nelllraiser]

the kids are alright | adam, ariana, athena, blanche, connor, nell, orion, & winston

TIMING: a few days before the full moon. LOCATION: connor’s beach house. PARTIES: @walker-journal, @letsbenditlikebennett, @athenaquinn, @harlowhaunted, @connorspiracy, @nelllraiser, @3starsquinn, @danetobelieve SUMMARY: just a truly wholesome and youthful time.

Connor didn’t know what everyone liked, so he tried to get a little of everything; chips, dip, beers, spirits (no pun intended), and a few takeout menus scattered around in case they wanted to order. The house wasn’t huge by any means, but one thing he prided himself on was having a bloody good entertainment system, complete with several consoles and a massive telly. They’d have some fun. Watch some shit movies, play some Mario Party, forget that the world outside was shit, at least for a few hours. As the first knock at the door came, he headed over to answer it. “Hey, welcome. Come on in. Make yourself at home. Telly and consoles are obviously in here, but we have this bit of beach as well if we decide we want to take it outside.”

While Ariana wasn’t sure of who all would be in attendance tonight, she knew she hadn’t wanted to leave Athena back at the apartment. Especially with everything that had happened recently, she knew they could both use a fun evening. When she knocked on the door, she smiled brightly as Connor greeted them and introduced him to Athena. “I think I’ll skip testing my luck with the beach, I’m more interested in seeing how I can build a new entertainment system for ya anyway,” she turned to Athena and said, “This is my friend Athena. Athena, this is Connor. You may have seen some of his YouTube videos.” She held up a bag and added, “We brought some extra snacks, too.” 

She wasn’t entirely sure that she was up for a party, but she also knew that she didn’t want to be all by herself with her thoughts. So when Ariana had offered to bring her along to the party, Athena had quickly agreed. “Hi.” She waved to Connor from where she was standing behind Ariana. “I don’t watch a lot of YouTube outside of some videos about baking, or science, or one of my sorority sisters has a vlog channel, so I’m subscribed to that… but still! Nice to meet you.” She grinned, and it still didn’t feel entirely comfortable, but she knew that she had to get back to the usual routine to some degree sooner or later. She nodded over at the bag Ariana was holding up, using that time to look around the house. Her fingers, bare except for one with a golden ring that Amanda had gotten her for her birthday, found her cross necklace and she twisted it around, a bit out of a nervous habit. “Thanks for letting me come, it looks like you have a really nice place.”

“Always love a good snack,” Connor teased. “That’s why Adam’s coming.” Pity that boy was so painfully heterosexual. “Hi, love,” he greeted as Ariana introduced Athena. “Nice to meet you. Nobody else is here yet, but come on in, have a drink, let Ariana check out my furniture…” He gave a little chuckle, helping himself to a beer. 

Nell and Blanche had arrived in tandem, sporting their matching ‘burn your bra’ crop tops in a yin and yang color scheme with Nell in black, and one of her best friends in white. As she walked through the open front door, an amused grin cracked her lips as she saw Blanche and her hadn’t been the only ones to have a similar idea. “Well I’m glad we all got the memo,” she said with a nod towards Athena and Ariana’s complimentary jerseys, knowing full well there had been no such thing. Then she was raising a hand to wave a group greeting towards everyone, and presenting the plate she’d brought. “I brought these- they’re brownies obviously, but the kind that might make you astral project a couple planes over.” Probably stuffed with enough homegrown pot to get an elephant high, they were a staple when it came to party favors.

Orion had been to Connor’s on quite a few occasions now. Since the two had first met up at the old haunted house that Rio had grown up learning about, the two had hung fairly often while Rio helped film and edit videos every now and again. He was still clearly a beginner, but either Connor was desperate for the help or just enjoyed Rio’s company. He came hand in hand with Winston, overly excited for the night. Ever since his birthday, people seemed to walk on pins and needles around him and he didn’t know how to convince him that he was completely fine without potentially coming across as a sociopath. “Connor’s place is nice! He has a really cool set up for editing videos. Maybe you two can geek out about computer stuff together?” Rio grinned as the two made towards the front door.

Connor took a look at everyone’s outfits. “Well, if you brought bras to burn, I already mentioned we’ve got the beach for a little campfire,” he teased. “And Nell, maybe we let people settle in for a bit before getting high on brownies, yeah?” He gave her a playful grin. “But I like the way you think.” There was another ring from the doorbell, and he momentarily excused himself to go answer. It was Rio and his roommate. Holding hands. Cool. “Hey, you made it,” he greeted, smiling over at Rio. “Did you know we were supposed to coordinate? Everyone else has come dressed in pairs,” he teased, then looked to Winston. “Hi. Nice to meet ya. I’m Connor. Come on in.” He led them inside to the rest of the group. Now that almost everyone had arrived, he made sure everyone had a drink and knew where the snacks were, and where the bathroom was. “Just waiting for Adam then. For movies we’ve got pretty much anything that’s on Netflix, Prime, Hulu, or anything I can illegally download.” 

Glancing around the room, Winston shot Nell and Blanche a knowing smile before keeping their hands tightly interlaced with Orion’s. Things seemed to have relatively blown over with Athena, the fact that she was here with Ariana was a separate matter. “Thanks for the invite, if I’d known we were supposed to coordinate I’d have joined in but I guess we’re always the last to hear about these fun facts…” Winston gave a gentle smile before continuing into the house. They were about to mention that they were pretty sure they could connect Connor’s place up to the database in their home, but they weren’t sure that they wanted to potentially share any info that was not entirely secure. “Adam’s coming too? This really is going to be a party.” Winston just hoped he wasn’t armed with assault rifles and grenades this time.

 “Hey guys,” Blanche gave a wave. She hadn't expected Athena to be here, but then again, she also hadn't expected Rio either, especially after… everything. But she wasn't one to judge when people needed to blow off steam. “I would highly recommend the brownies. Once, you know, we’ve all settled in.” She nudged Nell playfully. “I have a 12 pack of beer too if anyone wants a drink.” She set it down on an end table, before curiously eyeing the TV. “Alright then, why don't we focus on picking a movie while we wait for Adam -” would he roll in with kegs like he did at Nic’s party? She fought back a snide internal comment, reminding herself that she promised to rewind for the evening, and honestly… she was so tired of being angry. Not just at Adam, but with everyone. “What genre are we feeling? Horror?” she asked, hopefully.

It seemed like she and Athena hadn’t been the only ones who showed up matching. Ariana waved to Blanche and Nell appreciating their crop tops. She stood up to grab some drinks for her and Athena though she was pretty sure she’d be skipping out on the brownies. She’d never tried them before and wasn’t sure a big group of people was the place to start. “I’ll take you up on one of those beers. Did you want one, Athena?” At the mention of horror movies, Ariana shrugged. “Sounds a little close to real life, but I’m down.” 

She figured that her brother was going to be here. Athena gave a small, half-wave to Rio, though she didn’t look over at him for too long. They hadn’t been together since everything and she still wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. The idea of the brownies wasn’t especially appealing, even if part of her wondered if Nell’s addition to it was a bit more magical than most. “Uh, sure.” She said, looking at Ariana. “If there’s cider I’d prefer that but beer can do.” She waved at Nell and Blanche. “Nice matching.” It didn’t hurt to at least appear pleasant, and she could only do so much to calm down her nerves - getting into an argument wasn’t going to help with any of that. “What horror films? I can’t say I’m super expert on that genre.” Ironically enough.

There was the sound of a large truck pulling up and a loud bawdy conversation on the street about someone being manscaped with a weedwacker, only for said someone to shout back an incoherent taunt about some physically impossible things Adam’s mother engaged in last night. More voices joined in the from the truck until it was unclear where mothers, weedwhackers, body hair, contortionist sex positions, chocolate fudge, and lighter fluid all fit into this. However all involved seemed to part even more cheerful than before and the car departed. 

Sporting a letterman jacket and a red baseball cap with faint stains of a deeper scarlet,  Adam burst in smelling faintly of lock-room soap and the lingering grass scent of the football field. 

Still flush with post-practice endorphins, Adam vaulted over the back of the nearest free couch as if it were a track hurdle and crashed down into the open seat. 

“Sup my bodacious bastards?”

"Horror is good by me. Blair Witch or something? Could always go with Scream. Classic slasher." Connor grabbed a cider for himself. He had bought enough so that nobody needed to bring their own, but it was a nice gesture. It wasn't long before Adam turned up. You really couldn't miss him. "Life of the party, I see," Connor greeted. "The loud-mouthed jock of my dreams,” he teased, his grin flashing all the way up to his eyes. “Want a beer mate? We were just deciding on a movie." 

Nell abandoned her pot filled brownies on the coffee table, grabbing a few drinks after waving a welcome to Winston and Orion, and first offering one to Blanche with a “For you” before taking another. Then she plopped herself down on the same couch before also handing one to Adam should he want it. “And here you go, ‘bodacious’;” she said with a slight snort. Nell couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t a bit worried to have the two of them in the same place after Winn’s death, but maybe alcohol was another key factor in glossing all of that over for the moment being. She popped open the top of her own bottle with a household spell, realizing she’d forgotten a bottle opener before taking a swig of it. “I’m right here,” she joked at the mention of Blair Witch, even if she knew it was less about witches and more about general spookiness.

Swallowing a mouthful of beer, Winston watched Adam enter the room. This was not your classic set up, hunters, werewolves, exorcists, spellcasters and god knew what else. But they were their friends and Winston was doing their best to be more normal in their endeavours and their life. “Not everything is about you Nell sweetie,” Winston reached down and plucked a brownie from the plate, tentatively nibbling on it and smiling. Thank God they weren’t driving tonight. “I’ve heard that Midsommar is meant to be really good, Heritage too. Not sure if any of those appeal to you. They’re meant to be more nordic or something? I don’t know. I read something about them a while back.”

The place was full of familiar faces, and maybe for the first time Orion found himself at what could basically be considered a party surrounded completely by people that he considered friends. Or at least, friends plus one very odd addition in the first of his twin sister. She stuck close with Ariana. The pair still baffled Rio, seeing them together and matching was even more jarring. Coupled with Blanche and Nell wearing the same thing maybe Rio and the others really had missed some sort of memo. Athena’s small wave was maybe a step, but not much of one. Rio returned the wave, both of them turning their backs to each other as Rio made his way to the kitchen, pondering whether or not he was going to drink. He decided to go for it after a long moment’s hesitation and picked a cider, “It’s someone’s job to make sure I don’t get drunk. I have an embarrassingly small tolerance.” He said aloud to no one in particular, only sort of joking and then found his way to the couch where Adam had just leapt over, “A cult movie may be hitting a bit close to home, don’t you think?” Rio laughed, but shrugged the concern away, “It looks pretty though. I’m down for anything.”

Connor was pretty indifferent to any drama that might have existed between anyone in the group, so he didn’t pay any mind to Blanche’s reaction to Adam. "Yes, Nell, you're our White Crest witch, very different," Connor teased. Since everyone was here, it wouldn't do any harm to grab a brownie. He'd just have to pace himself. "Oh shit, if we're talking 'high brow' horror," he made little air quotes around the words, "Hereditary and Midsommar would be sick. Get Out, too. I just figured we'd probably want something we can get pissed and stoned to and not pay that much attention," he snickered. "Oh, there's also Happy Death Day and The Babysitter if we want newer Netflix shit." He shrugged, sipping his drink. “I’m not fussed though. Whatever anyone else wants to watch.” 

It was good to see Adam in seemingly better spirits than the last time she saw him. Ariana still felt a twinge of guilt that her trust in others had nearly led to his death, but he was here now and they were all going to have a good time. “Hey, Adam,” she greeted with a wave as he swung over the couch. She looked back to Athena with a small smile and said, “Cider it is.” She made her way to the kitchen and chimed in, “I’m not sure Winston, I’m pretty sure Nell took a DNA test and she’s 100% that witch.” She grabbed a beer for herself and a cider for Athena. It dawned on her that she hadn’t seen any of the movies mentioned but she laughed a bit over the cult part. “I’ve seen like none of those, so I’m good with whatever.” She slid back into her seat by Athena and handed her a cider. “Here you go,” she said brightly. She knew Athena was still down over everything that happened and she wanted this to be a nice night for both of them. Hell, she was pretty sure everyone in this room needed a break from White Crest being White Crest and she wanted that for all of them. 

She gave a small wave to Adam as he arrived. At least he seemed to be in relatively good spirits, which was something. “How’s it going Adam?” She raised an eyebrow. “This feels a little different than our usual sort of party, doesn’t it?” Athena nodded at Ariana’s comment, watching as she went over to grab the drinks. “One of my sisters is a sociology and film double major and wrote a paper about Get Out - she had us all watch it so I actually have seen that, but I can’t say I’m too familiar with the others.” She did know that if anything was too full of jump scares she might react poorly, but that was what fiddling with the hem of her shirt was for, wasn’t it? She accepted the cider from Ariana and took a sip. “Whatever everyone else wants to go with.” She couldn’t help but sigh when she noticed that her brother had the same drink as her, though only a small smile covered her lips.

Connor had a big grin on his face as they drank and chatted. It had been a while since he'd had a proper group of friends like this. He had friends, of course, but high school and college he'd still been coming into his own as a medium and starting up his YouTube channel. People thought he was kind of weird. In White Crest, he wasn't weird at all. He was probably one of the most normal. "Okay, we're gonna have to take votes on the movie," he snickered, smoking his vape. "Probably something on the less serious side of things, yeah? We've got enough shit going on. Happy Death Day or The Babysitter are both on Netflix." He got a feeling there was a little more going on with the ‘serious’ side of things than he knew about, but he didn’t want to stick his nose into other people’s business. This night was about relaxing, not rehashing the bad shit.

Adam had once been taught that he’d been born to stand apart from humanity, amongst but not a part of it. The preservation of mankind’s destiny required forsaking anything that’d inhibit neutrality or cause a Hunter to become entangled in disputes between human beings. Thus Adam had grown up play-acting, his life during the day just a pleasant cover identity for who he really was. 

Now it was all he was. 

This reversal tugged at Adam as he watched his friends banter and meander on the way to actually choosing a movie. All his life Adam had been told to focus, remain vigilant against the inevitable return of the old gods. Was that why he lost his powers? Focusing too much on enjoying humanity’s company instead of protecting it? 

These and other thoughts whirled behind Adam’s grin as he accepted the beer. “Glad my beach body lives rent free in your head Con,” Adam replied with a wink to Connor at the mention of being the jock of his dreams. 

“Dunno about Happy Death Day, I’ve had about enough dead chick drama for a while.”

Adam ‘thought’ for a moment, which is to say he took a few glugs of beer like a man dying of thirst in the desert and went with the first idea that popped up in his brain when the alcohol hit his system. 

“Let’s do truth or dare while we decide? Bet that should be a trip with well...us”

Blanche had a hold on the remote, somewhat zoning out while people debated the choice in movie. She was doing that more, lately, but she had always been easily distracted. That was more because ghosts though. Only at the mention of Truth or Dare did Blanche snap out of it. Leaning against the armrest, she took a sip of her beer, glancing over at Adam. Considering it a moment, she put the remote down. “I'm down for a game of Truth or Dare,” she said, glancing around. Was this what all parties were like? She looked over at Nell, almost a little unsure for a second. “Sounds like fun?”

In all honesty, Nell much preferred the concept of Truth or Dare in comparison to a movie. At this rate with all the strangeness that made its home in White Crest, horror flicks were nearly laughable at times. Besides- Truth or Dare was probably something that demanded more attention, which was a welcome distraction from current stressors. And that was the whole point of this get together, wasn’t it? Giving Blanche a reassuring nod, Nell sat straighter on the couch as if readying herself for the game. “Let’s do it.” She took another draw of her drink before looking around the circle with a new and challenging glint in her eyes. “Who wants to go first?”

“Truth or Dare? That’s on Netflix as well,” Connor said, flicking through the horror suggestions until he found it. Only a few clicks in did he realise that wasn’t what Adam had been referring to. “Oh, did you mean the actual game?” He laughed, just switching to a music playlist in the background and folding his feet under him while he made himself comfy on the sofa. “Wait a minute, I’m down and everything, but someone’s gonna have to explain what rules we’re playing by. Everyone does ‘em different.” 

Truth or dare sounded like the worst idea possible. Orion did not consider himself to be a very daring person by nature. But at the rate life had been going the last month, he wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of answering any truths either. Not that he was far bound to answer truthfully anyways... unless that was a thing in White Crest. Regardless, the result terrified him. But the Rio here tonight wanted to be the okay version of Rio. The one not bogged down by the death of his parents. So he took a long drink from the cider and wiped at his mouth, making the gesture overly dramatic to try to hide the soured look he gave from the taste of alcohol. “Me. I’ll go first. Dare me.” This was absolutely a bad idea, but Rio had gotten pretty good at those. “Oh. Rules?” Rio heard what Connor questioned, but had never played the game before. “Cool. Well explain the rules and then dare me.”

This was just about the last game that Athena wanted to play. Even if she chose truth, which she wasn’t planning to, she could still omit certain aspects of it. It came along with her training and she didn’t trust most people here enough to reveal any deep secrets. So dares it would be - and it seemed like her brother was following the same path. “I mean, different versions are different but you get asked truth or dare - if it’s truth, someone can ask you any question about anything,” she raised an eyebrow at him, “and if it’s dare then you have to do whatever they ask. There’s sometimes consequences for not completing either.” She took a sip of her drink. “But dare? Since you’re new at this, we can start easy. I dare you to drink the rest of your cider in under a minute.” She crossed her legs. “Whoever’s up next, I also choose dare.”

Orion was surprised that Athena had been the first one to dare him. She had even been pretty lenient, daring him to just finish his drink. Easier said than done to a complete lightweight who had no experience drinking, but as far as the things he could have been dared to do this felt like he was getting off easily. “Done.” He had seen the movies before, so Rio kneeled down on one knee and tipped the bottle against his mouth, chugging as fast as he could. The drink instantly turned bitter against his tongue and he thought it would never end. But if he could survive his birthday he could finish a cider. He finally finished the thing off with an explosive coughing followed by him falling back on his butt. “I’m totally not going to puke.” He wasn’t sure if he was telling everyone that or trying to convince himself not to.

Adam stood up from the couch and strode to the far side of the room, gingerly stepping over and around people so as to not crunch knees or beers. He took an empty solo cup and placed it on a piece of furniture. The footballer knelt next to the door and produced a small grip-exercise ball. He offered the little squishy ball to Athena with a grin.. 

“I dare you to close your eyes and try to throw this call in the cup. Take a shot each time you miss.” 

Adam performed another one-handed vault over the back of the into his seat, but the alcohol and post-practice endorphins in his system caused the Hunter to land far more ignominiously in a heap of sinewy limbs and cushions.

“Truth”

“Easy-peasy.” Athena smirked, before standing up. She handed her cider to Ariana and grabbed the ball from Adam. “I’ve got this no problem.” She took the ball and closed her eyes, concentrating on the location of the solo cup before rolling her shoulders and giving a small toss, eyes flickering open as she heard it hit the inside. She turned around, walking by Adam before bending over to whisper in his ear. “I do have excellent reflexes, just to remind you.” She found her space back by Ariana again. “Feeling rather successful right now, I think.”

”Wow, nice!” Connor enthused as Athena hit the shot. “I’ve got a truth,” he blurted out, feeling the effects of his drink and Nell’s magic brownies, a pleasant tingling sensation overtaking his body. “Have you never done anything even the slightest bit gay? Because honestly, only the most heterosexual guy ever could have not understood those sword crossing comments,” he laughed at the memory. Ah, simpler times, when he didn’t know that half these people were murderers and there weren’t freshly resurrected evil spirits out to get them. Then again, Connor was starting to get the impression that stuff was common in White Crest. Best not get too comfortable. “And you can truth or dare me all you want. I’m not bothered, mate.” 

Ariana watched somewhat in awe as Athena performed her dare. It was definitely impressive to watch and she couldn’t help the small grin on her face as Athena came back over to take her seat by her. “That was awesome,” she said as she gave Athena a small pat on the back. There was another dare to be dished out so she quickly chimed in, “Connor, I dare you to do a dance challenge as your next YouTube video. I’m thinking the In My Feelings Challenge.” She realized that meant it was her turn, so she added, “I pick dare for myself.” 

“A Dance Challenge?” Connor snorted, waving his hand, affectionately dismissive. “That’s not my style, babe. Oh, I could definitely do it on TikTok though. You didn’t say which platform it had to be on.” He whipped out his phone, looking up a couple. “I can probably film it right now, since I’m tipsy, but you’ll have to hold my phone.” He looked up a few examples then got up, only a little wobbly on his feet. “I have no fucking idea how to do this shit,” he laughed, looking over to Ariana and handing her his phone. He’d watched a few versions of the thing he was trying to recreate. “Ready?”  

Adam hadn’t been raised with particularly strong feelings on different sexualities other than that they existed. Really, Dad had been far more concerned that his sons knew the proper masculine values of honor, wilderness survival, coordinated squad tactics, and the domestic arts of building explosives from homemade materials rather than getting hung up on what dangly bits were going where. 

“Uh,” Adam thought about Conner’s question. “Was never really wired that way, but after I pledged I was curious bout what I was missing,” the footballer acknowledged with a shameless ease. “Talked to some frat brothers who were all about that life, and they uh…showed me around…in the showers.” 

“Was kinna funnish-awkward,” he admitted with a shrug, “but not really my speed…. not sure that lgeit counts as gay though. It was just educational, y’know?”

Nell saw her opportunity as it became Ariana’s turn for a dare, and leaned forward on the couch to set down her now empty bottle on the table, feeling a nice, warm buzz as the alcohol began to do its work. She hummed for a moment, as if taking her time to come up with a suitable enough dare for the girl. Ariana knew how to go big or go home— which admittedly was something the two of them had in common. “I dare you to....” Then the idea came to her. What was the most horrendous thing that White Crest had to offer? “Match with a mime on Tinder. Match with the mime- and have at least five back and forths of texts.” Then Nell sat back, satisfied with her work to say, “And I’ll take a dare.”

“Educational and gay,” Connor nodded. “Sorry I missed it.” He made sure Ariana was ready to record and then going into the routine. He pretty much nailed it. Although he was a little drunk, it was evident that the experience and intent behind the moves was there. “Did I forget to mention I did ballet and theatre for years?” He winked into the camera before grabbing it for Ari so he could edit and laugh. “Aw, that was sick. Sorry, what was that?” His expression changed when he heard what Nell’s dare was. “There are mimes on tinder?” 

Ariana whooped and cheered into the camera as Connor finished showing off his moves. She tilted her head surprised by his revelation. “That explains the moves,” she said with a laugh, “Gotta respect a guy who knows ballet, right?” As Nell took the chance to dare her, she looked to her with a raised brow that was practically challenging her to do her worst. She burst out laughing at the thought of mimes on Tinder. “Oh god,” she said through laughs, “Blanche get over here and help me mime-ify my Tinder.” It was only a few back and forth messages. Hopefully, the profile update wouldn’t ruin future matches, but she found she was losing interest in it anyhow, especially with her current roommate. “I’m thinking more dramatic and artsy to go with the mime vibe?” 

“Nell!” Blanche said, “That's cruel!” But she was laughing. She pushed herself to her feet, though, and carefully made her way to grab Ariana’s phone. “Artsy, got it.” A Connoisseur of Mime. Don't talk to me if you don't mime. And if you do mime… you know what to do ;-----). Blanche read over what she wrote, before she grinned, hanging the phone back to Ariana. “Happy swiping!” Which meant… Blanche turned to Nell, a mischievous smile on her face. “In order to get revenge for poor Ariana… I dare you to call the Stripe Club to inquire about employment opportunities and if you get an interview, you gotta go.” Blanche said proudly. 

She paused, considering her own options. “Truth. For me, I mean.”

“There are definitely mimes on Tinder,” Nell confirmed with a grin, having seen some of them for herself during perusals of the app. “Maybe Ari will find her true love with a mime, who knows?” It was disturbing to say the least, though sometimes she’d match with a mime just to troll them for a while. After all— every mime was guilty by association. She should have expected the mimery to be turned back on her, but still pulled a revolted face at the thought of going anywhere near a mime establishment. “If I die- it’s your fault,” she pointed an accusing finger towards Blanche all while googling the number for the Stripe Club. She wasn’t sure who exactly it was that asked Blanche her truth while Nell began her job search at a mime strip club and Ariana commenced her swiping. Someone was leaning over to watch the dance video Connor had made, and another person was getting up to grab another drink from the fridge. The air was warm and bright as the night stretched onwards, and it seemed that against all odds the youth of White Crest had finally managed to find a single evening where they were allowed to exist only as themselves, and not the people the world forced them to be. 

[eljackinton]

Anyway, here’s how I’d do Necromunda as a Mass Effect style RPG

Warhammer video games have been coming in fast and loose over the last half decade, there’s been hits and there’s been misses but what’s been most noticeable is the absence of Role Playing Games. Despite both Fantasy and 40k being fertile ground for exploration, levelling and loot, we’ve only really seen the waters tested with the Inquisitor Martyr game, and I never played that, so don’t ask me about it.

I know a lot of people probably have their own idea of what would be the best conceit for an RPG set in a Games Workshop world, but for my money, I think Necromunda would be the best starting point for something like this, and hopefully talking you through how I’d envision it, you’ll see why.

The scope of the game should be a grand adventure set in the Underhive. We’ll create our own character, buy weapons and level up skills over time, but we’ll be exploring and talking as much as fighting, with communities to engage and barter with and characters to appeal or argue against. Gameplay wise, I’d see it playing a little like Mass Effect 2 or Deus Ex Human Revolution. Sort of third person with a bit of a cover system, stealth should be an option and there would need to be a more robust close combat system to show off all the fancy melee weapons the 40k world enjoys.

Unlike Mass Effect, or Deus Ex, however, this game will not have golden endings. Necromunda is set in a brutal world where every man is looking to get one foot up over the other. It’s a game where everyone is out to screw each other over and the only form of honour is how much advance warning one person gives to the other. There will be moral  choices to make, characters to empathise with, but at the end of the day this is a game where you can trust nobody, and nobody trusts you.

So the game begins. Here you create your character a-la a lot of RPGs where you design their look, their face, their colour scheme. You choose one of the 6 Clan Houses, and depending on which one you chose will not only dictate what weapons/skills you have access to, but also optional sidequests and a few ways the plot unfolds.

So starting the game we’ll get a little tutorial section. You’re a new recruit to the gang of choice, and word has gotten out that that an Enforcer convoy is heading trough nearby territory. They’re escorting a crate of something extremely valuable, so they’ve decided to send you and your fellow recruits off to prove yourself and retrieve it.

After being given the basics of the game by a mentor from the gang, you get to choose whether your starting class is a Juve (an all-rounder, with access to most weapons) or a Prospect (more restricted weapons/skills but access to special weapons and abilities) the Prospects would differ from house to house, as they do in the table top game itself.

Things go south when the attack on the convoy begins. All the other Clan Houses arrive to try and claim the crate. Just when you think you’ve got your hands on it, a Ratskin ambush happens, they seize the crate, and you end up falling through a decrepit hive floor only to be lost in an industrial labyrinth.

Fighting off hive critters, you come across other survivors of the raid, one for each gang you didn’t join. This will be the main cast of characters, who, like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, or Baldur’s Gate et al, have charismatic characters, interesting backstories that we discover over time, and the possibility of romance (though as mentioned before, not without the risk of betrayal.) The character from the gang you picked will be absent from the crew, but will appear in some capacity as the mentor that trains you at the start.

The characters are none too keen to team up, but lost in the dark, they are left with no choice, as something is beginning to pursue them. Initially thought to be some hive horror, a high tech Spyrer Hunter has decided they also want their hands on the crate, and fast become one of the groups many adversaries.

Escaping the maze, the group rest up in a small Underhive community to take stock of their situation. Here the player gets the chance to talk to characters, read up on backstory and take on a few side quests as a sort of starting village. While here, we discover that t each gang has a mole for the Enforcers within it, and that they were all betrayed in an attempt by the Enforcers to draw out the most dangerous fighters. Unable to trust their own gangs, the group agrees to stick together and go after the crate on their own, and hopefully get answers along the way.

So begins a journey down and deeper into the Underhive. Starting with industrial levels, forges and trading posts, down to dark caverns, sump rivers and more. Along the way the characters have to contend not only with the Spyrer hunting them, but also Enforcer squads trying to reclaim the crate, and other bandits, bounty hunters and hive scum.

Early in the game the player will be contacted by their mentor, which will be filled by the member of the team from your house that would normally be included. This way the player still has the opportunity to find out their backstory and have a potential romance. The mentor states that they were aware of the double-cross, but they still need more info, they’ll hang back and let you carry on with the group, in the hopes that they may spill crucial information your house wouldn’t get otherwise. At numerous points in the game you’ll be given the option to slip away and do sidequests for your own house, and you’ll be given the choice to show more loyalty to your new rag-tag group or the Clan House you chose at the start, but unsure if you’re just being played by whoever the mole was.

Mid game the player levels up to a full ganger, carrying forward their skills from the class they picked at the start. Later on they’ll get the chance to level up to a champion, or do a house specific sidequest that lets them become a special prestige class (like Death Maiden or Stimmer.)

Eventually the player catches up with the Ratskins, only to find that they ended up losing the crate to a bunch of Ash Waste Nomads anyway. You’re lead on a further search far beyond the foundations of the hive, uncovering an ancient production facility for the Men of Iron, and you have to carefully work your way through without waking the titan sized juggernauts that will want to eradicate mankind.

At the crux of the game, you end up out on the edge of the hive, carefully navigating gantries as near poisonous ash wind blows you from side to side as the Nomads attempt to get the crate beyond the hive’s reach. You battle the Nomads, the Spyrer and Enforcers, and the mole reveals themselves. Maybe it was your mentor, depending on your choices. At the end of the game you can choose to stay loyal to your house, where you must fight off and kill your fellow companions you’ve fought alongside for the entire game. On the other hand you can reject your house for your new band of brothers, who will unfortunately all turn against each other anyway in a final stand-off that leaves you fighting for your life and having to kill them all.

I told you there would be no golden ending. The game, however would have multiple bittersweet endings:

If you stayed loyal to your house, and your mentor wasn’t the mole, and whether you romanced them or not you both return victorious and well respected by the clan. If they were the mole, you have to fight them, or if you romanced them you can protect the lie or give them the chance to go on the run.

If you choose your companions, and didn’t romance any of them, you successfully fight them all off, seize the crate for yourself , and go on to be a lone hive fighter of legend, but always looking over your shoulder in case your old house wants vengeance.

If you romanced one of the characters from a rival house, then you’ll be asked at several points in the game for your thoughts on what their future would be as lovers from rival houses. Each character would have a different take, and you really have to pay attention to their foibles and values in order to figure out what the right thing to say is.

If you didn’t gain your love interest’s trust, then during the final showdown your character will hesitate, giving your love interest time to get the upper hand and shoot you, taking the crate for themselves. If you did gain their trust, they are the one who hesitates. You’re given the chance to kill them anyway, or let them live, where you both take the crate and go on to become a legendary duo who always has each other’s backs against the clan houses who want revenge.

What was in the crate? You never find out.

And that, hopefully, will give you an idea of the kind of Necromunda game I’d like to see. Obviously it’d take deft writing, great environmental design, and gameplay with a flow that fits the world and manages to take on the strengths of the tabletop game. So, not a small ask, sure.

I know I’ll probably never see it, but who knows? Maybe some aspiring video game dev will crib some ideas. In the meantime, I can’t wait to check out Underhive Wars, and I’ll be playing that as soon as I can.