#anyways. i really don't use tumblr anymore but i needed to write my thoughts out SOMEWHERE so here y'all go

[fakemagicjaye]

I HAVE FIVE PAGES. LEFT. TO DRAW.

[the-ellia-west]

HOW TO WRITE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION FOR DUMMIES

For anyone who wants to learn, (especially aro/ACE, aspec, ect.)

Requested by the lovely @darkandstormydolls

Alrighty! Welcome back or welcome to my blog! I'm dipping my toes back into the category of posts that gained me my exposure!

So if you're here, you want to know how to write romantic attraction/romance!

Strap in and let's begin!

(Pls spread this to people you think would benefit from seeing it, or anyone who requested it bc I forgot, ANY ASPECS)

Step one -

Your characters must admire one another at the beginning, Romantic feelings usually do not present themselves as obvious until you really think them through, meaning your characters may not notice they have a crush until it's too late

These are general statistics and light stereotypes. So feel free to not use this tip:

Male characters usually tend to notice physical things first, like body shape, hair, skin, clothing, the way their lover moves, ect

And Female Characters Generally tend to notice more small things and personality-based traits first, like their lover's humor, speaking mannerisms, shifts in expression, ways they fidget, emotion in their voice, ect.

And someone who is in love will generally show more interest in this particular person's movements, actions, words, and anything in general.

Step 2 -

The character will show more interest in sharing their love language with their lover/crush

Physical touch - People with physical touch love languages may want to hold hands, cuddle, hug, or just lean on their crush whenever they are close to them moreso than they want to with others

Gift giving - Gift givers will want to get more gifts more often for their crush, probably thinking of them whenever they see little trinkets or wanting to get them big gifts for special occasions or signs of appreciation

Acts of Service - Acts of service people will offer to do extra favors and a bunch of extra stuff they don't have to do twice as much as normal

Words of Affirmation - Flattery, they will generally flood their crush with kind words and compliments

Quality time - Quality time people will want to spend time with their crush at almost every turn, and when they want company, will turn to their crush first

Step 3 -

After a while, these urges while become very prominent and more noticeable to the person having them

They may find themselves fantasizing about their crush or having them show up in their thoughts more and more, feeling nicer and happier when they're around, or when they're thinking about them

Smiling when they think about them, cutsey little fluff thingies like that

A crush is essentially: I want to date that, I want to be near that always, I want to marry that, I want that to snuggle me (or other love languages)

Or in simpler terms: if that asked me out, I would say yes (or at least want to say yes if your character is in denial)

Step 4 -

The character's urges to be close to this person grows strong enough that they do smth about it, whether prompted by another character. Or they just don't know I how to not anymore (like when you wanna eat candy and you don't want to, but you do anyway bc I JUST NEED THE CHOCOLATE OKAY?)

(Or for Aro/Ace, garlic bread)

People who are in love are generally very prone to be all dreamy and poetic and VERY EXTREMELY BIASED towards their crush

Then Yada Yada they kiss & shit

You're welcome, BYEEEEEEEE 👋

Happy writing!

Love you! Thanks for reading, And Ghost Tumblr Mother says go drink some water and have a snack, you've earned it, and you are beautiful <333

Have a good day! :]

@blue-kyber @thisisntrocket @cosmolumine @i-do-anything-but-write @paeliae-occasionally

@supercimi @the-letterbox-archives @sunglasses-in-the-bentley @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @artsandstoriesandstuff

@corinneglass @wyked-ao3 @urnumber1star

[florathewriter]

cowgirl tease, part II || choi seunghyun (TOP) x reader

Thank you for every reaction to the previous part! I didn't expect you to like it so much, I'm thrilled. Also, Tumblr is playing jokes on me and I can't reply to comments and notes, just so you know.

Warning: Things I publish here may be out of context since often they are little pieces of a bigger thing. Other than that: extremely flirty Seunghyun (I lost my shit writing this).

Summary: The reader faces her colleague Choi Seunghyun after giving him a performance.

"Yeah, well… I'm fine," I shot back, snatching the bottle from his hands anyway. He chuckled, arms crossing casually. "Didn't know you were such a fan of my moves," he teased, his voice low. "Research purposes," I replied quickly, cursing how defensive I sounded. My body and mind felt on the verge of betrayal. "Mm-hm," his eyes glinted with amusement. "Well, if you ever need a live demo…" I could swore a whimper escaped me-thankk God for the loud music masking it. My heart pounded-and he knew. He had me cornered. "That was a one-time performance. Don't get used to it-there won't be an encore," I said, hoping to ease the tension and my torture. "That's a shame," he said, clearly enjoying himself. "I was hoping for a duet." You know how I wanted the Earth to swallow me earlier? Now I needed God himself to descend with an oxygen mask-I was sure I was passing out. The worst part? He knew what he was doing. He read me like an open book, and my mind betrayed me, conjuring… things. We weren't in the club anymore. We were somewhere private-where his hands were on me. "A duet?" I echoed, forcing a laugh that came out shaky. "I think you overestimate me." Heat flushed my cheeks, my nerves were on edge. This was too close. Too real. And we were playing with fire. His smile widened slightly, savoring my discomfort. "Overestimate you? I don't think so," he murmured, leaning closer. His eyes held mine, a quiet challenge flickering within them. "I think you're enjoying the attention," he said, voice velvet-smooth. All I managed was a shaky head shake. "Mm, that's a shame," he repeated softly, mock disappointment lacing his voice. "I thought you liked my eyes on you." His gaze didn't waver. "I'd really like to see what happens if you stop holding back," he added, his tone suddenly serious. It felt bigger than this. He wasn't just playing anymore. He was telling me he was open. Or was he? When I came back to the dance floor to tell the girls I was going home, I felt even dizzier than before. No amount of alcohol could compare to the effect Seunghyun had on me. His words were piercing through me, catching emotions in my throat, clouding my judgment. They made me wonder if we could survive working together if something happened between us, and they made me question my choices. This man made me consider options that could have jeopardized my career. It was dangerous, so I ran away. I returned to my apartment, hopped in the shower, and tried to wash away the feeling of his gaze on me. He never touched me, yet I felt my skin aching as if he had squeezed and harassed every inch of it. I cursed myself for having these thoughts, for losing focus on the work. I turned on the cold water. I needed to get rid of the feeling of disappointment I felt in myself. Should I feel this way? Was this my fault? I would have stayed completely professional, if not for his moves. His constant teasing, pushing, and pulling were exhausting. My mind was tired of overthinking, my body… unsatisfied. No touch of my own could please me the way I thought his would.

[blood-teeth]

hi! any tips for turning an idea into a plot / story?

hiiii sorry this took me so long!! tumblr doesn't tell me when i get an ask anymore for some reason???? idk idk but!

✨✨✨morgan's guide to turning ideas into a story✨✨✨

these may not work for you BUT if you're having a hard time piecing together something then i would give these a shot!

the first thing i do when i have an idea i write it down. USUALLY my ideas for me come in a sentence. For Tell Me If There's A Way Home, the sentence was "cowgirl that has to keep burying a body that pops up along her journey"

for This Grave Calls You Home it was "in the light of a dying star, the last astronaut wakes up"

BRAINSTORMING:

so anyway i immediately write this down somewhere, usually the notes app on my phone and i STOP WHAT IM DOING IMMEDIATELY

for me, i have hundreds of these sentences written down somewhere, but the ones that stick with me always stay in the back of my throat.

if its one that gets me really hot and bothered, then the seed is planted and it needs some water babes....

im RUNNING to find media that i feel fits with the idea ... on that netflix or spotify or library app STAT looking for anything that will help that seed grow inside my head. i need the VIBES and the MUSIC and ATMOSPHERE.

once that's on lock...i'm plotting with my little grimy hands rubbing together...

...and i buy...another....notebook... and i KNOW this sounds ridiculous but hear me out...writing in notebook vs on a computer has genuinely saved my life with writer's block so many times. ideas and thoughts and fragments just flow when i allow myself to write in a notebook. idk what it is. but this is just me, if computers or typewriters or what have you works then STICK WITH IT

by the time i'm done scribbling ideas in my notebook and acting unhinged, i have a decent idea about the atmosphere and the themes i'm looking to write about

IF AN IDEA CAME TO YOU, IT MEANS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. DON'T DISREGARD THIS

you need to figure out what it is about the idea that means so much to you - and whatever that reason is, that's gonna be the fundamental core of your story.

PLOTTING:

i have to admit something. i dont plot my stories. i dont know how to plot. i like to discover the story right alongside everyone else. what's gonna happen next? idk babes you and me are gonna find out together.

BUT i do try to have a general idea of where the story STARTS and ENDS. everything else is trial and error. and if u dont have any idea where the story ends, just know it'll come to you eventually. u have thousands and thousands of words to write before the end, so don't sweat this; it'll happen. even if its really simple!

using Tell Me If There's A Way Home as an example:

Start: a woman doesn't know who she is, only knows that she's looking for something

End: She's Found The Thing

think of it like a question and answer. (also! NOT answering the question is totally valid story telling too)

if u are really struggling, the number one thing i suggest is READING. you can glean so much information from reading its actually crazy. study your favorite books or movies or video games. almost always in western media there is the exposition, conflict, rising action, climax, falling action, and denouement. (this is super formulaic, so don't feel tied down by this! just a guide line.)

SETTING:

i think everyone gets really tied up in knots about setting. and it shouldn't be like that! this should be YOUR fun!!

setting has very little to do with story/plot itself. it affects the ATMOSPHERE of the story you're telling instead. (except, like, if you're telling an alice in wonderland story or a story about climate change ofc, there's exceptions to everything)

look the locked tomb for example. take out the space aspect, this story at its heart would be the exact same if it were set underwater inside decomissioned underwater research facilities. its just cool as fuck to have a space nun living on pluto.

Take twin peaks and put it in space. the heart of the show works anywhere, but the atmosphere and the mood is enhanced because its in a small, strange town.

you can write a story about generational trauma and put it into the world of jurassic park.

anyway, i hope that you are hearing me say have fun with your setting. it absolutely is a part of the story you're telling, but it is not the heart of it (sometimes)

MISC TIPS:

remember that this is YOUR work. you do whatever you want. it's not up to anyone else.

be obsessed with your own world and your characters!! i literally went to a craft store and made a rosary today for one of my characters and it has actually helped me write a ton today.

you are not stuck in this story. i feel like a pitfall i face often is like "ah man but this writing doesnt make sense in this genre i cant write this" and its like YEAH I CAN. why cANT I . do whatever you want with your story im so serious. you have no idea how many books are releasing now and the common feedback is "man this feels like a book ive read a million times before" and with movies its a remake or based off a book like the entertainment industry DESPERATELY needs new original ideas SO SO BAD. dont be scared to write that book that you're worried is too weird or doesn't make sense trust me.

make playlists! watch movies! play video games! these are all things that count as writing believe it or not.

and remember you are loved !

[hikarielizabethbloom]

Hey, I just wanted to tell you that in my opinion, you have nothing to apologize for because you did nothing wrong but expressing your POV. I'm sorry I do it anonymously, it feels wrong because until now I was never afraid of voicing my opinions... but these days it feels like saying anything in relation with this subject could be taken as "taking a side", which is weird. It feels like, you know... cold war lol !

I've recently noticed a tendency to, instead of directly commenting an opinion x user disagrees with, opening another post to criticize the opinion in question. Is it fear to confront the person who said the 'controversial' opinion ? Is it a way to say "I have a different opinion but I won't discuss it ?" (which is fair, sometimes I want to say things I feel without having someone arguing with me over it). It's very passive agressive, and it makes a certain number of fellow fans very uncomfortable. That's what I gathered from the recent discussions I had in private, anyway.

It's just not within the Haladriel fandom, it's in the entire TROP fandom ! Some people don't dare to speak about Celeborn because they're scared that someone will react by posting an agressive take on him. Recently, there was a fight about Adar being a good guy or a bad guy, fans were mocked (again, never in the face but in parallel posts) because they thought that maybe Sauron could be healed with Nenya, etc. Myself I used to post quite frequently, now I just reblog stuff because I think that if I say something that will sound controversial, maybe my opinion will be attacked in another post ! even if my name is not mentioned I'll know it's about what I said. That's not what I call a safe environment.

I don't want to see Tumblr turn into Twitter and Reddit where people will fight and throw insults at each other over fiction, but I'm a bit worried regarding where this passive agressive attitude will lead the Haladriel fandom and even the TROP fandom at large, to be honest.

There's not a day where I don't dread to open the Haladriel/Saurondriel tags and find post opened by shippers who criticize how other shippers see their ships. We don't need the antis anymore, it seems, we seem to become very good at destroying ourselves. It makes me very sad because pre 2x08 and even a couple of weeks post 2x08, the Haladriel tags were filled mostly with positivity, good fun and awesome metas. Now I only see dick contests : "my opinion is better than yours." "No, mine is better than yours and you have no media literacy if you think differently !".

I'm sorry for weighing down with this, but it had to come out of my chest and I don't feel safe anymore saying all this on my blog.

Feel free to ignore this message if you just want to put it behind you, by the way, or if you feel it will make things worse... It's really not my intention to do more damages. Or if you want, just leave a post on your blog saying "I got your message" and anything you want to add, I'll be okay with that...

Thank you for reading me <3

I'm sorry anon you feel this way and I'm sorry you felt the need to stay anonymous to protect yourself. This isn't the inquisition. This is fandom space and you should feel safe enough to express your opinions without fear of taking side. Again, this isn't a war. There are no sides and no wrong takes, no matter what some fans believe.

And yes, I decided to speak up because after a couple of posts I've made, I started to notice posts from other Tumblr users that alluded to things I said. Even from a blog I had blocked. And it got me thinking. And it pissed me off a little.

I'm usually chill. Even when I don't agree with some takes, I don't feel the need to write a long ass essay on how the other's interpretation is bad while mine is progressive, feminist, smart, supported by canon, text, my best friend, my butcher... I just read the post, think 'meh, that's bs', scroll and go on with my life.

I know that for some people that's impossible. I know that some have this need for validation. But really, I can understand (sometimes, not always) this crave for queer relationships. But when the ship involves a hot white man (villain) and hot white woman (heroine), there's really not need for validation, right? History of television validates you.

And yes, things changed by the end of season 2. New waves of fans sadly always mean more assholes. And sometimes those assholes are popular. That's it. The only thing I can do is to call out this anti-fun/fan behavior and try to create a safer space.

So, I'm glad for your message. And if you are afraid to speak up I can do it for you. I've got broad shoulders and no desire to be popular 😂

[henshin-reborn]

Sooo I'm back... hi :)

I recently deleted my old account, henshin-4. Why? Yeah... lets just keep it to I kinda wanted to disappear. Depression episodes apparently hit harder when you've been feeling fine for a while, especially if it gets triggered by the one asshole who has been ruining your life for over 20 years and who you sadly have to share a house with in combination with, somehow, everything going wrong at the moment. I really thought my depression was gone, but Idk anymore. Maybe it is, maybe these last few weeks have just been extremely bad and unlucky but... it's been hard. I also left home which brings a little peace but where I am now isn't great either.

But anyway... you know, it didn't take long before I started to miss Tumblr so here I am again. A new account will have pros and cons. A pro would be that I am now hopefully rid of all those spam accounts that bothered me daily that I kept having to block, but a con would be that I will definitely miss my boop war badges, plus I lost all my mutuals, and my posts... I do hope to find you all again but I will be combing through the BUCK-TICK tag. I do hope you'll all recognize me (and that no one's mad at me 💀) as I had to find a new username, but at least it is similar to my old one (not using the same pics tho).

I may also be known for having a certain hatred for the BT fandom, but 95% of the BUCK-TICK fans I have found here on Tumblr in the recent past have been great. Of course, every fandom has it's trash, but on this site you'll also find treasure, and you all are that treasure.

Anyway, for those who don't know me, which will surely be the vast majority, let me re-introduce myself.

My name, well feel free to call me Rae.

I am 27 years old.

My favorite band is BUCK-TICK and once I will be posting and reblogging regularly again, you WILL be able to tell ;) I might even repost some of my old account's posts cause why not, they are my posts after all :P

I also love other bands, such as Der Zibet, Dead End, Creature Creature and Vaniru.

I also really really REALLY enjoy side and solo works of my favorites, such as Sakurai Atsushi's solo album, The Mortal, Schwein, ISSAY's solo album, PhI, Hamlet Machine, ISSAY meets DOLLY, even KA.F.KA's few songs, MORRIE's solo work and his recently started new band with 2 songs, Godland, and I also really love Masami Tsuchiya's solo work. I still have to properly check out his old band, Ippu-Do. Other than them I also occasionally listen to Soft Ballet, who I really have to get into again.

My top 3 favorite vocalists, which you may also recognize me by, is:

1. Sakurai Atsushi.

2. Hoshino Hidehiko.

3. ISSAY.

I am also a gamer, some of my fave game (series) are: Saints Row, Payday, Phasmophobia, Ghost Exile, This Is A Ghost, Demonologist, GTA 4, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, Baldur's Gate 3, and a lot more games of similar genres. I can't even remember them all as I barely play anything lately (no PC since a while)

Anyway, let me also do some self advertisement cause no one else will do it hehe. So I am also a fanfic author, I mainly write BUCK-TICK/Der Zibet fics but may eventually expand to more fandoms.

For now, you can find my BT+ fics here:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nameless_Me/works

I mainly write Atsushi x Issay but have also done Atsushi x Imai, Atsushi x reader and Atsushi x Toshiya (on request) and for the future I also plan to write Atsushi x Hide(hiko), Issay x reader, maybe a threesome somewhere, and all BT members (separately) x reader (since I'm also working on a BT dating simulator, but I will also need a PC to finish that)

I also run a Discord server for all J-Rock related things which also functions as an archive for many bands which you can add to if you want to (just gotta ask for access first so I can give you a channel to work in). The archive so far is mostly links for quick access.

Activity is not required, but it is appreciated. We can also host events here where we can watch tours together. The server isn't very active, but maybe you'll find something here anyway.

It also contains my music drive folder which has edited music files of many artists to keep consistency so all songs are the same volume and quality. I work with 128 kbps (small files, won't take much space), 44100 hz (high quality), and 91.5 db (overall more quiet than newly ripped files BUT this matches Spotify's normal volume so they match well as local Spotify files.)

Of course, you can also join to just talk about music and meet people. Racism, sexism, homo/transphobia, ableism etc NOT allowed, but that should be the norm anyway.

Anyway, glad to be back and I will try to stay positive. As long as I have BT, there is something to be happy about. I almost gave up on them too, but that's not their fault, everything was just going to shit for me and still is tbh but I'll do anything for BT.

Also I've been clearing out my gallery since it was a mess so I barely have any BT pics anymore, but I'll just use the pics I used to decorate my new account to decorate this post a bit as well :)

Well, as I said, I hope to find all my old mutuals again and that you all recognize me. Sorry for the sudden deactivation :(... and that I said BT wouldn't give a shit about me, cause they would, they care about all their fans, and that's why I care about them. They are such great people :)

[laura1633]

the whole lestappen fanfiction discourse is actually so dumb because what *i*am getting is that on one hand people are complaining about there being too many fics that babygirlify max too much/ too many omega/ bottom max fics and then on the other side at the same time there are people complaining about too many fics babygirlifying charles and too many omega/bottom charles fics

????????

that is at least what i have been seeing

and funnily enough i only recently thought that lately there has been a healthy amount updated for both of these sides (bottom or omega max/bottom or omega charles) so there is a variety to choose from for whichever you like more i guess?

ao3 has a great filter system, why not use it if you really don‘t like one sort of fics that much?

i would understand the frustration if there‘s only ONE side represented and you really don’t get the side of the fics you would prefer to see, but this is not the case with lestappen. „there‘s too many fics uploaded rn lestappen is too popular,“ pick a side??? more fics=more variety to choose from. what do you want? there are great fics for both sides.

(sorry for ranting in your inbox laura😳)

No need to apologise anon!

I think it's probably only a very small discourse anyway. You know what tumblr is like, you say something on your blog and the next minute it is getting shared around and out of the space it originated in!

But yeah, I found it interesting because I personally have in the past had messages in my inbox annoyed that I am not writing more bottom Charles or omega Charles and, whilst I can't be 100% sure, I gathered from the context of the messages that they were Charles fans. Which I guess is exactly your point - some people like one thing, some people like another and so it's great there is choice there. (I'm not talking about the people here who have politely inboxed me about bottom Charles fics, believe me you would know if you were the anons I am talking about haha)

I mean it's also totally fine if people aren't into Lestappen anymore because of x, y, z reason 🤷‍♀️ or if certain things turn people off fics.

I think everyone sees things differently because some people tend to think that Lestappen authors tend to be Charles fans and some people think that Lestappen authors tend to be Max fans. I personally think there is just a mix.

I can completely see why some Charles fans would not want to read about him in the 'damsel in distress' role in the same way I can see why some Max fans don't want to see him in some sort of 'emotionally repressed aggressive asshole who needs enlightening' role. I think a lot of that has to do with how the in real life Max and Charles are unfairly judged. But at the same time I think there is a mixture of Max and Charles fans that enjoy all sorts of different interpretations and fics and I think there is space for them all and what is good or bad or right and wrong is just purely opinion.

[crehador]

would love to hear your thoughts on dice & jyushi 🫶

DICE AND JYUSHI MY DARLINGS 🥺🥺🥺 LET'S GOOOOOO TYSM FOR THE ASK!!!

dice.

favorite thing about them: HIS GULLIBILITY he'll fall for it every time and i love that for him. gentaro loves that for him too. loves him for that, even. also really love that he can eat rio's food. he's so strong for this

favorite line: i'll never forget the way he smacked the shit out of hifumi for trash talking gentaro's clothes. this feels so surreal to me that sometimes i think i imagined it but no he did this fr??? based

brOTP: it's starting to feel like i just want everyone to be friends with rio because i want to say rio here again lol. though does brotp mean you strictly only ship them in a platonic sense? because i'm a rijyu main but find rio/dice super cute too. ANYWAY i would say rio here but also, like in my gentaro answers, i like the idea of gendice and hifudo becoming friends and going on double dates also. OH AND ICHIRO AND JIRO TOO i feel like they would get along. also dice wearing jiro's shirt at 9th live was catastrophic (positive) to me

OTP: heheheee gendice of course 🥰🥰🥰 (but ramuda is also there) like the way THE WAY yumeno is in the lyrics of seven seven seven is so dreamy to me. this boy's down horrendous for the liar in the room

nOTP: hmmmmmm don't think i have one

random headcanon: SO I SAID THIS IN GENTARO'S ONE ALREADY BUT I REALLY TRULY SINCERELY FEEL LIKE DICE WOULD BE BIG INTO NTR 😭 i don't think he would realize it at first?! and wouldn't really understand why he finds it hot but gentaro. gentaro will help him understand

unpopular opinion: i strongly believe that the official heights and weights on their profiles are self-reported and that dice (and a certain horse) just straight up lied on their forms

favorite picture of them: well he was on the one i used for gentaro so i guess that one but ALSO this screenshot i used for this meme. i love him stupid face

jyushi.

favorite thing about them: amaaanda i love his amanda 🥺 but no real talk i love his growth and the growing he has left to do, like he's doing it scared but he's doing it!! he would do so well on tumblr tbh. i also love that he can just pick kuko up like a sack of potatoes and go when they need to. leave a situation quickly lmao

favorite line: oooooh for once i can actually choose a line (sort of) which is that "nirvana" that he does in rip is sooooo so so beloved to me. enchating. i love it

brOTP: again i don't know if brotp is like. strictly platonic ONLY or what but anyway. i love both jiro&jyushi and jiro/jyushi, there was this gorgeous piece of art i saw once (i can't remember the artist anymore, alas) where they were out together looking at guitars and i just. love the thought of them hanging out

OTP: kind of just repeating my answer from kuko here but 2 EVIL 2 MOON RISING!!! more on this ummm one day. hopefully one day soon. once i get to writing lol

nOTP: i feel like my answer is always "i don't have one" here and yeah i pretty much. again. don't have one lol

random headcanon: i like to think he takes very very very good care of amanda but of course sometimes accidents happen so i hc that he's gotten very good at sewing to patch her up whenever he needs to 🥺

unpopular opinion: idk if this would be unpopular but i sincerely believe like half the cast are unaware that hitoya is not actually his dad lmao. they're all just too polite to mention it like "oh they have different family names... it must be complicated... none of my business" and go on believing hitoya's literally his father

favorite picture of them: all the fanart of him throwing kuko over his shoulder and just LEGGING IT is beloved to me, plus i love the little wings he wore at 10th live day 1, but out of the arb cards i have to say this one because

okay sorry to make this about asnm lmao but one time asnm was on komastagram and striking a bunch of different poses, this will become relevant i promise. and at one he did basically this pose (but the hands lower) and called it the joshi seiyuu which is like ads;kfjk;lj i was howling laughing because SO TRUE??? THAT IS IN FACT THE POSE ALL THE GIRL SEIYUU DO so anyway. jyushi joshi seiyuu posing. beloved to me

[cinematicnomad]

Hi! I love your gifs, you're very talented! They look amazing and so fluid and CRISP. Do you have a tip for beginners? Especially in preserving the quality, I've used Giphy but the page RUINS IT. Thanks❤️

hey! this is really sweet, thank you so much for the compliment!! i'm not the best at writing out tutorials or anything, but i am happy to share some that i definitely found useful when i was getting back into gif making during the pandemic.

so this tutorial for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki is pretty fundamental! it's the one i rec to everybody. it's a few years old now, so some of the links might not be active anymore for all i know, but it does a wonderful job going through the ENTIRE process start to finish.

@saw-x also has a solid tutorial for beginners that has some more great explainers, especially about sizing and ratios for tumblr posting.

here's a beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza which really helped ME out because tbh i went several years not using this layer feature bc i was so intimidated by it. don't be me!!

@aubrey-plaza also has another great tutorial on how to fix orange-washed coloring ESPECIALLY on poc actors. similarly, @ augustds has a tutorial on how to spot and stop whitewashing poc in gifs.

and then you can always go through my #tutorial tag to find any other posts i thought were worthwhile for myself to save!

regarding your other question, i'm gonna be honest, i'm not even sure how giphy fits into this question, so i guess?? my advice would be: don't use giphy. i have photoshop and save all gifs to my files (instructions available in the first tutorial) and then upload them to tumblr directly. i typically delete my gif files after posting them, but if i ever need to find/save them again for whatever reason, i find the post, open the gif in a new tab, delete the "v" at the end of "gifv" in the url, and then refresh the page. this should let you save the gif as is and you can post it elsewhere if needed.

anyway. hope this helps!! sorry it took me a few days to reply :)

[achoshistor]

final fantasy 7

spoilers for everything idk (ff7, remake&dlc, crisis core but only till like chapter four because thats how far i made it)

bro ive been tweaking out for like three months now. i bought the ff7 remake bc it was 50% off a few months ago and I was like I'm never gonna find a deal like this ever again (only for it to go on 50% again lmfao) but ok whatever it was literally 35 for the game and the dlc which is one million times cheaper than what splatoon 2 and octo expansion were and its ok because i can never own it physical anyways but bro I didn't even want to buy this game in the first place i was gonna buy ffxv cause i saw a clip of notcis or whatever that guys name is putting his lettuce on a nother guy's plate and i was like "wtf is final fantasy even about" SPOILER ALERT: TERRORISM like ????

i feel like i can never every play another game after finishing the remake and the intermission i bought crisis core reunion and theres literally LESS fighting in that game so far but it was also cheaper and i got it physical (after scouring ebay for two months to find a us edition because i dont want to even risk seeing things spelled in the british way because last time when that happened when I played great ace attorney 1&2 i couldn't stop spelling things in british every time i'd write an essay and then i couldnt tell what was wrong "its just an extra letter" no bro its messing up my diction) but anyways please just let me beat things up with a sword i wish people still used swords to fight then the fights would be more fair and the world would be a better place. but man sephiroth is lowkey a nice guy and the crashout was 100% valid not the killing people part but i would also crash out if i found out my mom was actually some 2000 year thingy they found in the ground. today i saw some snowflakes fall (they were the big ones) and freaked out for a second because i thought they were white feathers (I NEED TO GO OUTSIDE)

i also "finished" (AKA gave up right before the final boss) the original ff7 because i didnt want to deal with spoilers cause the main plot points should be the same anyways but i don't have enough patience to play retro games (the last one i finished was kirby super star three years ago) and they are like ten times harder than modern games too like i think i only got 10 game overs max in the remake but like one hundred million in the original and i was like at this point i dont even care anymore like we just need to beat sephiroth right? speaking of i really did think we just had to beat sephiroth and that he was just evil for the love of the game because all i knew was from that smash bros trailer but really everything is hojos and lowkey lucrecia's fault bc theyre bums like are you jealous of vincent or something how do you get a girl who's literally just broken up with this guy pregnant like no time bro literal bum activity im glad vincent was able to beat up hojo at the end. he was also my strongest party member (and had the hardest spell post out of all of them).

i was lowkey tweaking when i saw genesis cause i thought something seemed awfully familiar lo and behold hes just evil gackt. i saw a picture of some genshin character's sword and i was like holy sigma is that genesis rhaspodos but nope it was some genshin twink this is off topic but i HATE how like half of the characters in genshin look like children/teenagers and the other half are either whitewashed (brighter than printer paper) or have the most awful color scheme like unpleasant gradient just showed up to your door. i kept thinking angeal was named angelo because ive only ever met people named angelo and not angeal but so far his story seems too similar to sonons. zack = onika angeal = burgers OH his name is angeal like angel LMFAo

I barely edit my tumblr posts for coherence sorry if youre not one of my like 4 followers but anyways episode intermission gave me a genuine crash out. I was like "who is yuffie" but then i found out. yuffie is my goat. i hate fort condor and i still hate fort condor but i didnt know there was a literal fort with a condor on it. i was out of it bro i have nobody here that may hear this and i will be ashamed i genuinely couldnt pay attention to the game cuz of sonon hes so fine bro too bad he DIED bro i even felt bad for nero cause they forcefully made him shut up with that muzzle thing but as per usual he was a bum but theres no second part to the dlc (yet) 40 dollar 32 gb ram stick please find me (my computer will blow up) before rebirth comes out (my computer will blow up regardless) like watch the requirements be some esoteric classified government only processor like the ryzen 56 or intel i5412 like u gotta play it on one of those government super computers so the game doesnt lag the minute you start walking.

ok im done ive exhausted myself thank u for coming to my ted talk see u later my little minions

[thesmophorus]

31. What post have you seen recently that makes you wanna scream lmao <3

oh boy youre asking me for the spicy hot takes tonight huh. i am always happy to deliver <3 i dont want to put anyone in particular on blast so ill refrain from mentioning specific posts, but i do find that a lot of content lately in the helpol sphere has been very... surface level. a lot of moodboards, a lot of basics, 101 level content, stuff like 'the gods love you!!'. which isn't inherently a bad thing whatsoever. there is a need for that kind of content! however, i've also noticed in my 2 years on helpol tumblr that a lot of the reconstructionist blogs and informative blogs that i used to follow have either went inactive or deactivated entirely. and i can't help but wonder why this is. i think there's a lot of reasons for it: frustration with the shallowness of content leading to people going off and becoming more solitary practitioners, the more you grow in your practice the less compelled you may become to share it, but also i think a lot of people use tumblr and people's ask boxes as a search engine and that leads to a lot of burnout. it certainly did for me -- i took a hiatus from posting for a long time because i wasn't in a place to educate people. it's a lot of pressure, especially on tumblr where it feels like people will jump down your throat if you're incorrect about things or you suddenly become an Authority that people look up to when youre just a person. people who were posting really helpful and informative content about the theoi simply arent here anymore, and i really think the community's gravitation towards easily consumable content and reliance on people to do research for them is a large part of this. i realize not everyone is recon, which is very much okay, although i personally love being recon. that being said, i still think you should do your best to do your research and understand where these ideas come from. they didn't appear out of thin air -- mediterranean culture is very much alive still and is a continuation of the ancient world, and to not acknowledge or understand it is disrespectful to both the cultural context of the theoi and mediterranean people whose culture we claim to revere. i don't expect everyone to become an academic or a classicist. its not accessible to everyone for a variety of reasons, but i do think like. checking out some of the primary sources in a way thats accessible for you or picking one really good book to really deep dive into would benefit a lot of people. basically, i just wish i saw more in depth posts and people engaging on a deeper level with their faith and being willing to post it so we can have more discussions as a community and grow together. helpol is unique among other polytheistic religions because we have a wealth of primary sources available to us, and that isn't always the case for other polytheistic religions. i think it's... honestly kind of sad that we don't really talk about them. its not that i dont want to see peoples upg or that i dont think there should be posts for beginners, because there is a place for it and i enjoy that content too, but i wish there was more variety in the kinds of posts we have in the community. i miss the days when the tags were full of people writing their own prayers or people talking about a new source they read and what they thought, or compiling something for their own practice and being willing to share it with the community. i guess this is my sign to get back to posting my own original content and make the kind of content i want to see in hopes it'll encourage others to do the same. anyway i got on my little soapbox about this and its time for me to hop off before i hit character limit (again lmao). thank you so much for this ask, this was really refreshing and cathartic for me to talk about. may the gods bless you with health, happiness, and love always <33

[aerodaltonimperial]

hello katy. i had just the most fucked up thought about your split jack au and ive never used tumblr before but im learning how to send an ask right now because i NEED to know what you think of this.

does julia… tell jungle boy that he’s going to forget? those five years that he goes back and changes for the better— surely julia knows that when the time comes, the jungle boy that got sent back to 2019 and changed jack’s world for the better will become nothing but a memory that everyone but jack himself will be aware of. and if julia tells him… lets him know that his time is limited… does jungle boy not do it all anyways?

does he make every decision in this new timeline knowing that he’s setting up a life for the jack who deserves it most and not himself? when the days tick down and he knows he’s running out of time… does he leave notes for jack? does he leave notes for darby? how do you explain to the person that matters most in your life that one day you’re going to wake up and be replaced with someone a thousand times more scared and broken, and you need to love him just as much as you love me now, because he’s me, and i love him too?

im sorry you fucked my whole world up and i hate you and ive been crying about it for days. im sending you an edible arrangements. fucking god damn it man

Yo, you just fucking CHANGED MY WORLD with this ask. Like, this.... this is the stuff I legitimately DID NOT LET MYSELF THINK ABOUT when I was writing that because this is so much. Jesus CHRIST. I am... I am sitting with this because I am going to be really honest with you, I don't know the answers. The only thing I can say that I leaned on during this was the traveler's immunity concept: that essentially, the person doing the changing is immune from shifting when everything else does. And it's that immunity that all of this hinges upon. 2024 Jack has the immunity, and he is the original remnant that will remain.

Would Julia tell Jack, the Jack that is going to become nothing once the timelines merge? I presume that, eventually, she would. But what he DOES with that information? Oh my god. I don't even know. This ask has fundamentally changed me as a person LOL. I imagine... in a perfect world, that Jack does leave notes for himself. Because in the end, that's who he is doing this for: a better future, even though he won't be there to experience it once the right time hits. He got a gift. And he is giving one back. A huge, monumental gift that he will never get to see through to the end. But that's what so much of that fic really ended up being about, in the end: forgiving and loving yourself. He would want himself to have SOMETHING to figure his way around, even if it's just important dates. Anniversaries. When events happened. When things DIDN'T happen.

Would he warn Darby? Honestly, I'm less clear on that one. Because at his core, Jack knows that would change them, in his present. And if he had limited time, I don’t know. Would he be able to tell Darby, knowing that it would fundamentally change everything? Would he be able to say, hey, I'm not going to be here anymore, at least not the way you knew me? Man. I don't know. How do you warn someone that you are going to disappear, but that part of you will remain? And that part isn't going to understand that love should be soft? Or that you don't have to fear letting someone in? Or that people, deep down, care about you? How do you prepare someone for that?

This is the most fucking horrible and amazing ask I have ever received. I'm going to frame it on my wall. I'm going to be thinking about this for days. Holy shit, man. As for the notes that Jack could leave for himself, for when he's gone? Let him cook for you, it makes him happy. When you argue, he'll need to go blow off steam before he comes back. I never told him about what happened in that jump, but I also didn't lie when I told him he was all of the firsts.

You told me that love wasn't real. Well, he loves you, and it's the realest fucking thing in the world.

[aquaquadrant]

Hi there. I’m going insane and it’s your fault. Like I discovered your absolute emotional masterpiece of a fanfic the other day and it’s all I think about anymore I’m so obsessed; I downloaded tumblr bc of you and I don’t really know how this site works but I do know how to click the ask button so that’s your problem now. I got words for you

First off: HOLy the writing and the voices are so good??? Like the characters say things the way their irl counterparts would say it? How?? Teach me your ways? Actually tho what did you do to learn to do that, is it innate, do you practice?

Second: “He wouldn’t have known the sight of Tango’s pale skin flushing bright red all the way down his chest.” That sentence just kinda stuck out to me from the last chapter… for some reason... anyways (idk what my point is here but it sure has got me thinking thoughts :P )

Third: I said I was obsessed, and I think it was an understatement. I didn’t study for my chem final because of this (still got an A tho so dw) and I went to bed for three days straight thinking about it and I woke up every morning thinking about it. (It took a solid hour to snap myself out of it when I actually needed to get work done lol) And on the plane ride home for break I drew some things so I’ll just leave these here if you don’t mind (umm ignore the tango faces on the first page and his left hand on the second, there's something Wrong™ about them I gotta practice, ok?)

idk if the formatting is good or whatever but here they are

As you can see I love love love the scene after the nightmare. If I remember correctly, Tango started wearing the gloves to protect his claws so they could heal after he escaped, and then when Jimmy gets hurt he just instinctively gives them to him?? Hello, the symbolism??? Tango just surrenders his own protection, both physically, because he would rather protect Jimmy, but also emotionally bc it immediately reveals what he considers a flaw in himself, monstrous, hideous. And Jimmy sees him throw the walls up again, “He quickly shoves the gloves at Jimmy, moving to get up. “I’ll uh, I’ll get another pair tomorrow-”” but Jimmy won’t let him, instead looks at what could be considered Tango’s entire soul —his trauma, his Hels origin, the feral, blaze side of him, the side that lies and hides and lashes out at any who get too close, the “ugliest” parts of him —and loves him despite it? Even sees the beauty in him? Yea, no, I’m normal about that—

Anyways idk how long these things are supposed to be but I have a couple more thoughts so you’re still stuck with me. Ummm let’s see… I adore your impulse design. So I’m taking that, thanks. (If that’s ok) also was thinking about how Jimmy would wear shirts with the wings getting in the way (see bottom of 2nd pic), and then thought maybe that’s why he’s so good at embroidery or sewing in general, cuz he has to make custom clothes. And then I thought what if he made some *cough* outfits and had Tango judge them… or asked for help putting on/taking off a particularly difficult shirt... haven’t had time to draw that yet but ya know… one day. Aaaaand the blaze rods could theoretically make a pretty cool fire crown when Tango's angry, also blazes do damage when you touch them, but I don't think you get set on fire? So it must be the blaze rods themselves doing damage, so I imagine when Tango's fighting they swirl around him both to attack whoever gets too close and to block any incoming projectiles (see middle left of 1st pic). +gradients on the blaze rods :]

Last thing, I showed my sister the fic last night and she’s already read through it twice so you’ve infected two of us. We were theorizing on what’ll happen next chapter. We both think that the others will piece together, to some extent, Tango’s backstory before they figure out how to remove the collar, what with the cuffs he wears, the comments Atlas made about a farm, Atlas’s mentioning about using Jimmy that way for his feathers, etc etc. and the comment that Tango can hear everything? Yea, no, when that collar comes off he’s gonna be distraught, I’m wagering that everything immediately bursts into flames around him or something (cuz that’d be cool). I think he'll probably try to run away, too, but we'll see

Anyways, that’s not all my thoughts but this is getting pretty long, so maybe I’ll send another ask later if that’s alright. Have a good day! Post again soon! Please. Please I'm begging you. For my sanity plea-

(actually tho take ur time. quality is worth it, and this is nothing but quality)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg welcome. this was genuinely SUCH a lovely ask to read, but i wanna take the time to properly answer it so i’m gonna continue under the cut cause boy can i ramble

first off: HELLO, you got a tumblr bc of HTP?? incredible. i’m honored that this gay angsty little block man au was your introduction to the hellsite (affectionate). and don’t worry, i welcome asks no matter the length (tho i might not get to everything in a timely manner)

second of all: i’m SO happy you enjoyed my character voices. that’s definitely something that’s taken a bit of practice, especially for more understated characters that don’t have super obvious or unique vocal traits/vernaculars. i find it helpful to a) have spent a decent amount of time watching the source material and b) always go over my dialogue with the character’s voice in my mind, and see if it sounds like something they’d actually say. ofc, sometimes liberties can be taken based on the plot/setting of a fic but generally i spend a lot of time and effort on getting character voices right, so i appreciate the appreciation <3

thirdly: i like that particular sentence too ;0

fourth: THAT ART THO??? oh man. impulse looks amazing (i’ve always loved demon!impulse and gotta credit @lunarcrown for bringing that vision to life 💃) and the wings are SO well done, like you conveyed that leathery thin bat skin texture perfectly. the various tangos are SICK, i luuuuv seeing him in full blaze rage mode, using those blaze rods to their full effect. and those hands… goddamn. not only do i respect the hand anatomy but the ROSES… the shackles and their metallic texture… the gradient on tango’s claws… chef’s kiss 💋👌 and THANK YOUUU the post-nightmare scene was one of my favorites from that chapter, and you’ve summed it up beautifully.

moving on: as with all of lunar’s designs, she’s happy to inspire so BEHOLD, DEMON IMPULSE UPON YE (that’s a yes from both of us LOL) i love ur idea about jimmy making custom shirts to work around his wings, that’s one of those little details i never put much thought into but it fits so nicely with him being into embroidery. so jimmy def makes a lot of his own clothes (and occasionally some for tango), co-signed and approved. and ur on the right track about tango’s blaze rods- most of his defensive fire comes directly from them, doing that crazy swirly fireball thing that actual blaze do, but he does also have the ability to produce fire from his hands, he just doesn’t do it often. it takes a bit more concentration and practice, and he spent so long trying not to use his abilities that it doesn’t come second nature to him anymore. he was way more of a fire starter as a kid in hels.

last but not least: AWW it’s so sweet u got ur sister into the au (lord knows i’ve dragged mine into many a fandom 😂) glad y’all enjoyed it so much, AND now u have someone to theorize with 👀 i won’t say anything more on the matter other than i hope to get the next chapter out over the next couple weeks, so stay tuned…

[makshu]

Just a big vent, you don't need to read it if you don't want to.

I think I have a problem when I find out that someone likes me, at least if it's someone close to me.

If it's a friend of mine, I start doing something I call "throwing myself at the person", which basically means I start getting really close to the person and trying to act in a way to be more likable.

The truth is, I don't know why people start liking me, and I really want to ask them why they like me, like- is there something specific? I literally do nothing! It's just... strange to me.

Recently I also had a drop in my self-esteem (or I just realized that it was never high) and I also realized that I'm trying to prove my usefulness again.

And I noticed that I compare myself to others much more than I thought, and this is due to the fact that the group of friends I'm in at the moment is made up of intelligent people (academically) and well, that is not my predominant type of intelligence.

I get angry at these people sometimes, and jealous too, and I hate it! It's not a right thing to think, but I can't help it when I realize the gulf of intelligence that exists between me and them.

Idk everything has been coming at once, I'm graduating in a few weeks, and there's a lot of pressure on me. I'm just not thinking straight anymore.

So many people who know me irl are on tumblr now, and I don't feel like this is a safe place to vent anymore, and I don't want to talk to someone because I know I won't accept help, so I don't want them to waste their time with me.

I hate knowing that I'm writing this hoping a specific person will read it, but at the same time I also don't want them to read it because I don't want to worry them.

There's a lot going on, and a thought that keeps coming back to me. Why does this person like me? What am I doing differently than normal for this to happen? People don't know me completely, how could they like me if they don't even know me well?

And in no way do I want to offend anyone, but I just don't understand.

Anyway, I just wanted to try to express this somehow, and even then I'm going to choose the worst way (maybe I'll delete this later), but I like to at least feel heard.

I hope I stop acting weird, and that people don't look at me differently when I talk about that specific person, I wish I didn't know this, but now that I know I need to deal with it somehow.

Thanks in case anyone read it.

And if you are the specific person, this is why I don't like people who know me irl knowing about this blog. But now that you've read this, do what you think is best with this information (just please don't tell anyone).

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[tothevines]

sooooooo I am now officially writing a jam fic (lmao) and I said to Holly earlier how maybe posting jam fic is what I need to break the seal and start posting my other fic. because I have two fics that are both like...a week's worth of solid daily editing away from being postable. (maybe two weeks. lol.)

so I've just been thinking about why I never do it...why don't I just buckle down and do the editing and post them. and obviously there is the mental hurdle of baring my soul and letting other people read something I've written, which I don't really do anymore. I used to have such thick skin--I've survived some incredibly toxic writing workshops (including one in which the fucking professor was the most toxic person in the workshop). I could handle People with Opinions About My Writing...but I don't know that I can anymore. and fanfiction is honestly a whole different beast. it's baring my soul in such a different way, one where I could easily Do It Wrong (e.g. with characterization), and that's terrifying.

but also...I'm realizing that part of the issue is that I simply have too many hobbies lmao. every evening/weekend, I'm faced with free time and I get overwhelmed because there are so many things i could do with it: work on my fic! work on my non-fanfic writing! catch up on my shows! read a book! play any of the six video games that I've only played half of! embroider! cross-stitch! make gifs! go for a hike! learn that new skill I've been wanting to learn (lately it's visible mending)! watch a two-hour video essay about an influencer I've never heard of! repot that aloe that's gotten too big for its container! deep clean my bathroom! (cleaning counts as a hobby okay 😤)

but ANYWAY...there are so many choices. I just like a lot of stuff. but often I end up doing none of these and feeling like absolute shit because I've wasted hours doomscrolling when I could have been doing something fulfilling (but that's a whole separate issue...).

but this week I haven't had any proper free time because I just moved. so every day has just been: get home from work > unpack boxes > eat dinner > unpack more boxes > go to bed. but my brain is rotating the blorbos like rotisserie chickens the entire time, and I really want to write, but I just don't have the time for it.

but then I get irritated with myself because - why am I acting like being busy is the reason I'm not writing? I don't write nearly as often as I'd like to, even when I do have the time for it. so why do I avoid it when I DO actually have the time???

and I think I just have so many hobbies that I will use them as an excuse to not write. if I'm always doing something else (or avoiding doing anything via doomscrolling), I can't write, so I can't ever post my fic, and I won't open myself up to criticism or being perceived.

I've felt so ashamed about not finishing/posting my fic for years at this point, but sitting here at work and word-vomiting all these thoughts into tumblr dot com actually feels like I'm having a little breakthrough about it. I don't know that having said breakthrough will actually make me change my behavior, but it's a good place to start!!!

it's really helpful for me to understand that I don't shy away from writing because I Am Bad and A Fraud but rather because all my other hobbies are so much less emotionally fraught--I don't have a bunch of fear and anxiety around all my other little activities like I do with writing. (not to mention how I have based a large part of my identity on ~being a writer~ for so much of my life and how hard THAT can make writing. for reasons that I cannot get into now but I'm sure y'all get it).

but anyway. I don't have a real conclusion here besides that I hope working this out will help me spend more time on writing and less time using my other interests to avoid writing. and maybe I will be able to tell when I want to do something because I actually have the desire to do it versus when I want to do something because it seems easier/less emotionally complicated than writing.

also maybe working on rpf is helpful because I don't know if I would ever post it anyway, so it's lower stakes??? if I do end up finishing a jam fic before I finish either of my queliot fics that will be so fucking funny though💀