#anyways. i really don't use tumblr anymore but i needed to write my thoughts out SOMEWHERE so here y'all go

[fakemagicjaye]

I HAVE FIVE PAGES. LEFT. TO DRAW.

[the-ellia-west]

HOW TO WRITE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION FOR DUMMIES

For anyone who wants to learn, (especially aro/ACE, aspec, ect.)

Requested by the lovely @darkandstormydolls

Alrighty! Welcome back or welcome to my blog! I'm dipping my toes back into the category of posts that gained me my exposure!

So if you're here, you want to know how to write romantic attraction/romance!

Strap in and let's begin!

(Pls spread this to people you think would benefit from seeing it, or anyone who requested it bc I forgot, ANY ASPECS)

Step one -

Your characters must admire one another at the beginning, Romantic feelings usually do not present themselves as obvious until you really think them through, meaning your characters may not notice they have a crush until it's too late

These are general statistics and light stereotypes. So feel free to not use this tip:

Male characters usually tend to notice physical things first, like body shape, hair, skin, clothing, the way their lover moves, ect

And Female Characters Generally tend to notice more small things and personality-based traits first, like their lover's humor, speaking mannerisms, shifts in expression, ways they fidget, emotion in their voice, ect.

And someone who is in love will generally show more interest in this particular person's movements, actions, words, and anything in general.

Step 2 -

The character will show more interest in sharing their love language with their lover/crush

Physical touch - People with physical touch love languages may want to hold hands, cuddle, hug, or just lean on their crush whenever they are close to them moreso than they want to with others

Gift giving - Gift givers will want to get more gifts more often for their crush, probably thinking of them whenever they see little trinkets or wanting to get them big gifts for special occasions or signs of appreciation

Acts of Service - Acts of service people will offer to do extra favors and a bunch of extra stuff they don't have to do twice as much as normal

Words of Affirmation - Flattery, they will generally flood their crush with kind words and compliments

Quality time - Quality time people will want to spend time with their crush at almost every turn, and when they want company, will turn to their crush first

Step 3 -

After a while, these urges while become very prominent and more noticeable to the person having them

They may find themselves fantasizing about their crush or having them show up in their thoughts more and more, feeling nicer and happier when they're around, or when they're thinking about them

Smiling when they think about them, cutsey little fluff thingies like that

A crush is essentially: I want to date that, I want to be near that always, I want to marry that, I want that to snuggle me (or other love languages)

Or in simpler terms: if that asked me out, I would say yes (or at least want to say yes if your character is in denial)

Step 4 -

The character's urges to be close to this person grows strong enough that they do smth about it, whether prompted by another character. Or they just don't know I how to not anymore (like when you wanna eat candy and you don't want to, but you do anyway bc I JUST NEED THE CHOCOLATE OKAY?)

(Or for Aro/Ace, garlic bread)

People who are in love are generally very prone to be all dreamy and poetic and VERY EXTREMELY BIASED towards their crush

Then Yada Yada they kiss & shit

You're welcome, BYEEEEEEEE 👋

Happy writing!

Love you! Thanks for reading, And Ghost Tumblr Mother says go drink some water and have a snack, you've earned it, and you are beautiful <333

Have a good day! :]

@blue-kyber @thisisntrocket @cosmolumine @i-do-anything-but-write @paeliae-occasionally

@supercimi @the-letterbox-archives @sunglasses-in-the-bentley @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @artsandstoriesandstuff

@corinneglass @wyked-ao3 @urnumber1star

[morganlefag]

okay just. walk with me here. obviously it's not the play with the most overt references to homosexuality/homoeroticism (e.g. richard ii; coriolanus) nor is it a play where understanding of character motives necessarily hinges on a queer reading of it (e.g. merchant of venice; twelfth night). HOWEVER. out of all of shakespeare's plays, it is the one that is the most about a queer relationship above any other relationship. specifically i'm referring to the relationship between brutus and cassius.

and. okay. i know that generally when people think of julius caesar, the relationship between brutus and cassius is not the one that is focused on in the general pop culture understanding of the play. i mean it's called JULIUS CAESAR. its most famous moment, and famous line, immortalized via tumblr holiday, is between caesar and brutus.

HOWEVER (second hot take of the day) i think if you actually read the play, you realize just how relatively uninterested shakespeare seems to be in the relationship between brutus and caesar. they only have a single conversation, three lines long, where caesar just asks brutus what the time is. the ancient theory that brutus was caesar's son is never explored even a little bit, despite being dramatically rich and referenced in shakespeare's source material. caesar never really speaks about brutus. sure, brutus speaks plenty about caesar, but caesar's more of an idea than anything else. if the play is about their relationship, then there's not much point to there being TWO WHOLE ACTS that happen after caesar's death. the single relationship that lasts throughout the entirety of the play, serving as a throughline across the whole of the plot, is the one between brutus and cassius.

okay. but the real important question here. are they gay?? short answer: yes ofc. long answer: let me prove my point.

first of all, from one of the very first lines of dialogue uttered between them, cassius is constantly searching for reassurance that brutus loves him.

and i mean constantly. if i included every time cassius said something to this effect, we'd be here all day. now, of course, the word "love" is used a lot throughout the play, often in clearly platonic contexts, but i'm just bringing this up to establish that this is something that cassius cares about to a rather unusual degree.

continuing on. cassius (still in his very first scene!) openly describing his persuasion of brutus to join the conspiracy as "seduction." this speaks for itself.

there are also an abundance of times in the first half of the show where brutus and cassius come to a disagreement in regards to what to do about mark antony. cassius has good reason to want mark antony dead and/or silenced, and indeed the narrative proves him to be correct! the only reason brutus gives for wanting mark antony to live and also to speak at caesar's funeral is, simply put, principle---something that cassius is shown time and time again to not really care that much about personally. so why does he consistently defer to brutus's (wrong) opinion? the only reason that makes sense is that he has a deep affection and respect for him.

things start getting really gay in 4.3, aka the "tent scene," which really just speaks for itself. brutus accuses cassius of corruption, cassius gets offended, and the two get into a really heated and nasty argument. again, cassius is constantly bringing up their love for each other as a form of emotional blackmail.

the argument ends up culminating in this speech, where cassius essentially accuses brutus of not loving him, and therefore asks brutus to kill him.

of course, brutus doesn't end up killing cassius. they both end up cooling down, and then there's this exchange:

of course, that reads as incredibly romantic on its own, but it becomes even more overtly so when you realize that shakespeare reused this dialogue almost word-for-word in the tempest when ferdinand and miranda get engaged.

shakespeare loved the trope of couples committing suicide over each other, and julius caesar is no exception. while not in and of itself homoerotic, brutus's final eulogy over cassius's corpse is just heartbreaking. he commits suicide himself not long after.

(brutus does not, in fact, find time. rip king!)

anyways, brutus and cassius's relationship---which lies at the very heart of this play---is so utterly complex and fascinating. it's horribly toxic, and made even more so with the understanding that brutus has a wife, portia, that he loves. i think some readers/viewers may also shy away from a romantic reading of their relationship due to the sheer amount of times they refer to each other as "brother," however shakespeare's audience would have known that to be in reference to the fact that they were historically brothers-in-law, not literal blood brothers. (and, based on hamlet, shakespeare had no qualms with having romantically-involved in-laws use fraternal terms for each other.)

but i think all those uncomfortable and unsavory parts of their relationship serve to make the core of this play so much more goddamn interesting. these two opposing figures circle each other the entire play, destroying everything around the other until they have nothing left but each other---and then not even that. they are endlessly interpretable and captivating, and are a huge part of what makes julius caesar such an incredible play.

tl;dr julius caesar is really a play about toxic murder gays. you're welcome.

and what if i said that julius caesar was shakespeare’s gayest play. what if!! would y’all read it then

[whoiwanttoday]

Yesterday I did not post. I meant to but it didn't happen because I made my post. I wrote my post. I created said post. Then it sat in drafts. I compose all my posts in drafts because I don't want to accidentally hit post when I am just saving the pictures and making sure it looks good ot me but also because I want to give it a once over. I am dyslexic and what makes it to public consumption is already a typo ridden mess anyway so you should see it before I go through it and realize that words are wrong and sometimes a completely wrong word is there because autocorrect is my nemesis. Anyway, it is the second time I have ever done this, the first was an Emily Ratajkowski post that happened to be on her birthday. That was not why I posted her but I remember that tidbit because I decided to post her and then saw it was her birthday and thought, "Well, what a coincidence I posted her earlier today". I had no posted her earlier that day. It was a Saturday and in this era of my life there was a girl I was into which is the best I can define our relationship because I have a habit of being in that kind of relationship but there was a girl because there is always a girl and we always hung out on Saturdays and it was getting very close to her arriving and I was moving slowly because I was in the middle of getting my own business going and it was a tough road to hoe so what she never knew was I was often up until about 3 or 4 AM doing what I couldn't do during other hours when I was desperately trying to make money so I would see her on almost no sleep, a fact I did not let her know because one I didn't want her to think I was a loser but also she might suggest we not see each other and we were ill defined so I felt any misstep would cost me all of that. Which is dumb because she's gone now and going into anything with that attitude will always doom it but here we are. So I wrote the Emily Ratajkowski post and I thought i posted it but I didn't and I hurried and you know, we had a good evening and I enjoyed it and never once thought about tumblr until the next day. I don't remember anything about that night specifically but I remember that post and missing it. I remember the next day when I realized what happened I posted about it and @thunderstormofoblivion replied with, "Oh no, you've ruined everything". She was joking and teasing me for being dramatic but fuck if that wasn't how I felt. I remember that. I remember missing the post. When I missed this post @femalecelebrityoftheday asked me did I not post yesterday. I realized he was right, Aubrey Plaza was sitting in drafts. He told me today I should write a post about my younger self meeting me and being disappointed in me for botching the post. It was a funny reference sort of to My Old Ass but that wouldn't really happen. Or it might, the me who made this blog might be disappointed in who I am but I don't think it would be about the post. But that is 12 years ago. Older than that though, that me might be surprised I am here. I have a problem where I focus on the negative and when I remember the past it's always the bad things, it's what stands out, everything else fades away but I need to remind myself sometimes that many people, myself included, did not expect me to make it to 30. I was self destructive and the phrase was used that I was "passive aggressively committing suicide". It was a weird thing for my grandparents to write on my birthday card but they weren't wrong. I made it past 30 though.

Which brings me to the point of this post, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Potentially a very rough one this time out. I know they can suck in general. That same 20 year old who one some level wanted to die? Thanksgivings were not fun for that 20 year old because it was full of that 20 year old's abusers and tormentors as well as their enablers. This is, sadly, not something that was unique to my life. Which is why I don't attend those thanksgivings anymore. It's one of the great luxuries of adulthood that I no longer have to do that. I am going to thanksgiving with one elderly relative, my one uncle, and from what I can tell reading between the lines, the 3 different men my uncle is currently sleeping with, which sounds like it could be awkward but last year taught me is somehow not. It's crazy that's the one that's free of drama, not the nuclear family one. Anyway, my point is the holiday is about being thankful, which can be hard when everything feels bad and I am not here to tell you to you're lucky things aren't worse because fuck any person who ever tells you that. I will never take comfort in the fact that somehow it isn't even worse than it is but remember the best victory is surviving past them and the power they hold. It can be tempting to dwell on the fact that you forgot to hit post on a post about Emily Ratajkowski in 2016 but it's better to focus on the fact that you can post her today. Which is what I am doing. Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

[hikarielizabethbloom]

Hey, I just wanted to tell you that in my opinion, you have nothing to apologize for because you did nothing wrong but expressing your POV. I'm sorry I do it anonymously, it feels wrong because until now I was never afraid of voicing my opinions... but these days it feels like saying anything in relation with this subject could be taken as "taking a side", which is weird. It feels like, you know... cold war lol !

I've recently noticed a tendency to, instead of directly commenting an opinion x user disagrees with, opening another post to criticize the opinion in question. Is it fear to confront the person who said the 'controversial' opinion ? Is it a way to say "I have a different opinion but I won't discuss it ?" (which is fair, sometimes I want to say things I feel without having someone arguing with me over it). It's very passive agressive, and it makes a certain number of fellow fans very uncomfortable. That's what I gathered from the recent discussions I had in private, anyway.

It's just not within the Haladriel fandom, it's in the entire TROP fandom ! Some people don't dare to speak about Celeborn because they're scared that someone will react by posting an agressive take on him. Recently, there was a fight about Adar being a good guy or a bad guy, fans were mocked (again, never in the face but in parallel posts) because they thought that maybe Sauron could be healed with Nenya, etc. Myself I used to post quite frequently, now I just reblog stuff because I think that if I say something that will sound controversial, maybe my opinion will be attacked in another post ! even if my name is not mentioned I'll know it's about what I said. That's not what I call a safe environment.

I don't want to see Tumblr turn into Twitter and Reddit where people will fight and throw insults at each other over fiction, but I'm a bit worried regarding where this passive agressive attitude will lead the Haladriel fandom and even the TROP fandom at large, to be honest.

There's not a day where I don't dread to open the Haladriel/Saurondriel tags and find post opened by shippers who criticize how other shippers see their ships. We don't need the antis anymore, it seems, we seem to become very good at destroying ourselves. It makes me very sad because pre 2x08 and even a couple of weeks post 2x08, the Haladriel tags were filled mostly with positivity, good fun and awesome metas. Now I only see dick contests : "my opinion is better than yours." "No, mine is better than yours and you have no media literacy if you think differently !".

I'm sorry for weighing down with this, but it had to come out of my chest and I don't feel safe anymore saying all this on my blog.

Feel free to ignore this message if you just want to put it behind you, by the way, or if you feel it will make things worse... It's really not my intention to do more damages. Or if you want, just leave a post on your blog saying "I got your message" and anything you want to add, I'll be okay with that...

Thank you for reading me <3

I'm sorry anon you feel this way and I'm sorry you felt the need to stay anonymous to protect yourself. This isn't the inquisition. This is fandom space and you should feel safe enough to express your opinions without fear of taking side. Again, this isn't a war. There are no sides and no wrong takes, no matter what some fans believe.

And yes, I decided to speak up because after a couple of posts I've made, I started to notice posts from other Tumblr users that alluded to things I said. Even from a blog I had blocked. And it got me thinking. And it pissed me off a little.

I'm usually chill. Even when I don't agree with some takes, I don't feel the need to write a long ass essay on how the other's interpretation is bad while mine is progressive, feminist, smart, supported by canon, text, my best friend, my butcher... I just read the post, think 'meh, that's bs', scroll and go on with my life.

I know that for some people that's impossible. I know that some have this need for validation. But really, I can understand (sometimes, not always) this crave for queer relationships. But when the ship involves a hot white man (villain) and hot white woman (heroine), there's really not need for validation, right? History of television validates you.

And yes, things changed by the end of season 2. New waves of fans sadly always mean more assholes. And sometimes those assholes are popular. That's it. The only thing I can do is to call out this anti-fun/fan behavior and try to create a safer space.

So, I'm glad for your message. And if you are afraid to speak up I can do it for you. I've got broad shoulders and no desire to be popular 😂

[blood-teeth]

hi! any tips for turning an idea into a plot / story?

hiiii sorry this took me so long!! tumblr doesn't tell me when i get an ask anymore for some reason???? idk idk but!

✨✨✨morgan's guide to turning ideas into a story✨✨✨

these may not work for you BUT if you're having a hard time piecing together something then i would give these a shot!

the first thing i do when i have an idea i write it down. USUALLY my ideas for me come in a sentence. For Tell Me If There's A Way Home, the sentence was "cowgirl that has to keep burying a body that pops up along her journey"

for This Grave Calls You Home it was "in the light of a dying star, the last astronaut wakes up"

BRAINSTORMING:

so anyway i immediately write this down somewhere, usually the notes app on my phone and i STOP WHAT IM DOING IMMEDIATELY

for me, i have hundreds of these sentences written down somewhere, but the ones that stick with me always stay in the back of my throat.

if its one that gets me really hot and bothered, then the seed is planted and it needs some water babes....

im RUNNING to find media that i feel fits with the idea ... on that netflix or spotify or library app STAT looking for anything that will help that seed grow inside my head. i need the VIBES and the MUSIC and ATMOSPHERE.

once that's on lock...i'm plotting with my little grimy hands rubbing together...

...and i buy...another....notebook... and i KNOW this sounds ridiculous but hear me out...writing in notebook vs on a computer has genuinely saved my life with writer's block so many times. ideas and thoughts and fragments just flow when i allow myself to write in a notebook. idk what it is. but this is just me, if computers or typewriters or what have you works then STICK WITH IT

by the time i'm done scribbling ideas in my notebook and acting unhinged, i have a decent idea about the atmosphere and the themes i'm looking to write about

IF AN IDEA CAME TO YOU, IT MEANS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. DON'T DISREGARD THIS

you need to figure out what it is about the idea that means so much to you - and whatever that reason is, that's gonna be the fundamental core of your story.

PLOTTING:

i have to admit something. i dont plot my stories. i dont know how to plot. i like to discover the story right alongside everyone else. what's gonna happen next? idk babes you and me are gonna find out together.

BUT i do try to have a general idea of where the story STARTS and ENDS. everything else is trial and error. and if u dont have any idea where the story ends, just know it'll come to you eventually. u have thousands and thousands of words to write before the end, so don't sweat this; it'll happen. even if its really simple!

using Tell Me If There's A Way Home as an example:

Start: a woman doesn't know who she is, only knows that she's looking for something

End: She's Found The Thing

think of it like a question and answer. (also! NOT answering the question is totally valid story telling too)

if u are really struggling, the number one thing i suggest is READING. you can glean so much information from reading its actually crazy. study your favorite books or movies or video games. almost always in western media there is the exposition, conflict, rising action, climax, falling action, and denouement. (this is super formulaic, so don't feel tied down by this! just a guide line.)

SETTING:

i think everyone gets really tied up in knots about setting. and it shouldn't be like that! this should be YOUR fun!!

setting has very little to do with story/plot itself. it affects the ATMOSPHERE of the story you're telling instead. (except, like, if you're telling an alice in wonderland story or a story about climate change ofc, there's exceptions to everything)

look the locked tomb for example. take out the space aspect, this story at its heart would be the exact same if it were set underwater inside decomissioned underwater research facilities. its just cool as fuck to have a space nun living on pluto.

Take twin peaks and put it in space. the heart of the show works anywhere, but the atmosphere and the mood is enhanced because its in a small, strange town.

you can write a story about generational trauma and put it into the world of jurassic park.

anyway, i hope that you are hearing me say have fun with your setting. it absolutely is a part of the story you're telling, but it is not the heart of it (sometimes)

MISC TIPS:

remember that this is YOUR work. you do whatever you want. it's not up to anyone else.

be obsessed with your own world and your characters!! i literally went to a craft store and made a rosary today for one of my characters and it has actually helped me write a ton today.

you are not stuck in this story. i feel like a pitfall i face often is like "ah man but this writing doesnt make sense in this genre i cant write this" and its like YEAH I CAN. why cANT I . do whatever you want with your story im so serious. you have no idea how many books are releasing now and the common feedback is "man this feels like a book ive read a million times before" and with movies its a remake or based off a book like the entertainment industry DESPERATELY needs new original ideas SO SO BAD. dont be scared to write that book that you're worried is too weird or doesn't make sense trust me.

make playlists! watch movies! play video games! these are all things that count as writing believe it or not.

and remember you are loved !

[achoshistor]

final fantasy 7

spoilers for everything idk (ff7, remake&dlc, crisis core but only till like chapter four because thats how far i made it)

bro ive been tweaking out for like three months now. i bought the ff7 remake bc it was 50% off a few months ago and I was like I'm never gonna find a deal like this ever again (only for it to go on 50% again lmfao) but ok whatever it was literally 35 for the game and the dlc which is one million times cheaper than what splatoon 2 and octo expansion were and its ok because i can never own it physical anyways but bro I didn't even want to buy this game in the first place i was gonna buy ffxv cause i saw a clip of notcis or whatever that guys name is putting his lettuce on a nother guy's plate and i was like "wtf is final fantasy even about" SPOILER ALERT: TERRORISM like ????

i feel like i can never every play another game after finishing the remake and the intermission i bought crisis core reunion and theres literally LESS fighting in that game so far but it was also cheaper and i got it physical (after scouring ebay for two months to find a us edition because i dont want to even risk seeing things spelled in the british way because last time when that happened when I played great ace attorney 1&2 i couldn't stop spelling things in british every time i'd write an essay and then i couldnt tell what was wrong "its just an extra letter" no bro its messing up my diction) but anyways please just let me beat things up with a sword i wish people still used swords to fight then the fights would be more fair and the world would be a better place. but man sephiroth is lowkey a nice guy and the crashout was 100% valid not the killing people part but i would also crash out if i found out my mom was actually some 2000 year thingy they found in the ground. today i saw some snowflakes fall (they were the big ones) and freaked out for a second because i thought they were white feathers (I NEED TO GO OUTSIDE)

i also "finished" (AKA gave up right before the final boss) the original ff7 because i didnt want to deal with spoilers cause the main plot points should be the same anyways but i don't have enough patience to play retro games (the last one i finished was kirby super star three years ago) and they are like ten times harder than modern games too like i think i only got 10 game overs max in the remake but like one hundred million in the original and i was like at this point i dont even care anymore like we just need to beat sephiroth right? speaking of i really did think we just had to beat sephiroth and that he was just evil for the love of the game because all i knew was from that smash bros trailer but really everything is hojos and lowkey lucrecia's fault bc theyre bums like are you jealous of vincent or something how do you get a girl who's literally just broken up with this guy pregnant like no time bro literal bum activity im glad vincent was able to beat up hojo at the end. he was also my strongest party member (and had the hardest spell post out of all of them).

i was lowkey tweaking when i saw genesis cause i thought something seemed awfully familiar lo and behold hes just evil gackt. i saw a picture of some genshin character's sword and i was like holy sigma is that genesis rhaspodos but nope it was some genshin twink this is off topic but i HATE how like half of the characters in genshin look like children/teenagers and the other half are either whitewashed (brighter than printer paper) or have the most awful color scheme like unpleasant gradient just showed up to your door. i kept thinking angeal was named angelo because ive only ever met people named angelo and not angeal but so far his story seems too similar to sonons. zack = onika angeal = burgers OH his name is angeal like angel LMFAo

I barely edit my tumblr posts for coherence sorry if youre not one of my like 4 followers but anyways episode intermission gave me a genuine crash out. I was like "who is yuffie" but then i found out. yuffie is my goat. i hate fort condor and i still hate fort condor but i didnt know there was a literal fort with a condor on it. i was out of it bro i have nobody here that may hear this and i will be ashamed i genuinely couldnt pay attention to the game cuz of sonon hes so fine bro too bad he DIED bro i even felt bad for nero cause they forcefully made him shut up with that muzzle thing but as per usual he was a bum but theres no second part to the dlc (yet) 40 dollar 32 gb ram stick please find me (my computer will blow up) before rebirth comes out (my computer will blow up regardless) like watch the requirements be some esoteric classified government only processor like the ryzen 56 or intel i5412 like u gotta play it on one of those government super computers so the game doesnt lag the minute you start walking.

ok im done ive exhausted myself thank u for coming to my ted talk see u later my little minions

[loemius]

31. What post have you seen recently that makes you wanna scream lmao <3

oh boy youre asking me for the spicy hot takes tonight huh. i am always happy to deliver <3 i dont want to put anyone in particular on blast so ill refrain from mentioning specific posts, but i do find that a lot of content lately in the helpol sphere has been very... surface level. a lot of moodboards, a lot of basics, 101 level content, stuff like 'the gods love you!!'. which isn't inherently a bad thing whatsoever. there is a need for that kind of content! however, i've also noticed in my 2 years on helpol tumblr that a lot of the reconstructionist blogs and informative blogs that i used to follow have either went inactive or deactivated entirely. and i can't help but wonder why this is. i think there's a lot of reasons for it: frustration with the shallowness of content leading to people going off and becoming more solitary practitioners, the more you grow in your practice the less compelled you may become to share it, but also i think a lot of people use tumblr and people's ask boxes as a search engine and that leads to a lot of burnout. it certainly did for me -- i took a hiatus from posting for a long time because i wasn't in a place to educate people. it's a lot of pressure, especially on tumblr where it feels like people will jump down your throat if you're incorrect about things or you suddenly become an Authority that people look up to when youre just a person. people who were posting really helpful and informative content about the theoi simply arent here anymore, and i really think the community's gravitation towards easily consumable content and reliance on people to do research for them is a large part of this. i realize not everyone is recon, which is very much okay, although i personally love being recon. that being said, i still think you should do your best to do your research and understand where these ideas come from. they didn't appear out of thin air -- mediterranean culture is very much alive still and is a continuation of the ancient world, and to not acknowledge or understand it is disrespectful to both the cultural context of the theoi and mediterranean people whose culture we claim to revere. i don't expect everyone to become an academic or a classicist. its not accessible to everyone for a variety of reasons, but i do think like. checking out some of the primary sources in a way thats accessible for you or picking one really good book to really deep dive into would benefit a lot of people. basically, i just wish i saw more in depth posts and people engaging on a deeper level with their faith and being willing to post it so we can have more discussions as a community and grow together. helpol is unique among other polytheistic religions because we have a wealth of primary sources available to us, and that isn't always the case for other polytheistic religions. i think it's... honestly kind of sad that we don't really talk about them. its not that i dont want to see peoples upg or that i dont think there should be posts for beginners, because there is a place for it and i enjoy that content too, but i wish there was more variety in the kinds of posts we have in the community. i miss the days when the tags were full of people writing their own prayers or people talking about a new source they read and what they thought, or compiling something for their own practice and being willing to share it with the community. i guess this is my sign to get back to posting my own original content and make the kind of content i want to see in hopes it'll encourage others to do the same. anyway i got on my little soapbox about this and its time for me to hop off before i hit character limit (again lmao). thank you so much for this ask, this was really refreshing and cathartic for me to talk about. may the gods bless you with health, happiness, and love always <33

[aerodaltonimperial]

hello katy. i had just the most fucked up thought about your split jack au and ive never used tumblr before but im learning how to send an ask right now because i NEED to know what you think of this.

does julia… tell jungle boy that he’s going to forget? those five years that he goes back and changes for the better— surely julia knows that when the time comes, the jungle boy that got sent back to 2019 and changed jack’s world for the better will become nothing but a memory that everyone but jack himself will be aware of. and if julia tells him… lets him know that his time is limited… does jungle boy not do it all anyways?

does he make every decision in this new timeline knowing that he’s setting up a life for the jack who deserves it most and not himself? when the days tick down and he knows he’s running out of time… does he leave notes for jack? does he leave notes for darby? how do you explain to the person that matters most in your life that one day you’re going to wake up and be replaced with someone a thousand times more scared and broken, and you need to love him just as much as you love me now, because he’s me, and i love him too?

im sorry you fucked my whole world up and i hate you and ive been crying about it for days. im sending you an edible arrangements. fucking god damn it man

Yo, you just fucking CHANGED MY WORLD with this ask. Like, this.... this is the stuff I legitimately DID NOT LET MYSELF THINK ABOUT when I was writing that because this is so much. Jesus CHRIST. I am... I am sitting with this because I am going to be really honest with you, I don't know the answers. The only thing I can say that I leaned on during this was the traveler's immunity concept: that essentially, the person doing the changing is immune from shifting when everything else does. And it's that immunity that all of this hinges upon. 2024 Jack has the immunity, and he is the original remnant that will remain.

Would Julia tell Jack, the Jack that is going to become nothing once the timelines merge? I presume that, eventually, she would. But what he DOES with that information? Oh my god. I don't even know. This ask has fundamentally changed me as a person LOL. I imagine... in a perfect world, that Jack does leave notes for himself. Because in the end, that's who he is doing this for: a better future, even though he won't be there to experience it once the right time hits. He got a gift. And he is giving one back. A huge, monumental gift that he will never get to see through to the end. But that's what so much of that fic really ended up being about, in the end: forgiving and loving yourself. He would want himself to have SOMETHING to figure his way around, even if it's just important dates. Anniversaries. When events happened. When things DIDN'T happen.

Would he warn Darby? Honestly, I'm less clear on that one. Because at his core, Jack knows that would change them, in his present. And if he had limited time, I don’t know. Would he be able to tell Darby, knowing that it would fundamentally change everything? Would he be able to say, hey, I'm not going to be here anymore, at least not the way you knew me? Man. I don't know. How do you warn someone that you are going to disappear, but that part of you will remain? And that part isn't going to understand that love should be soft? Or that you don't have to fear letting someone in? Or that people, deep down, care about you? How do you prepare someone for that?

This is the most fucking horrible and amazing ask I have ever received. I'm going to frame it on my wall. I'm going to be thinking about this for days. Holy shit, man. As for the notes that Jack could leave for himself, for when he's gone? Let him cook for you, it makes him happy. When you argue, he'll need to go blow off steam before he comes back. I never told him about what happened in that jump, but I also didn't lie when I told him he was all of the firsts.

You told me that love wasn't real. Well, he loves you, and it's the realest fucking thing in the world.

[aquaquadrant]

Hi there. I’m going insane and it’s your fault. Like I discovered your absolute emotional masterpiece of a fanfic the other day and it’s all I think about anymore I’m so obsessed; I downloaded tumblr bc of you and I don’t really know how this site works but I do know how to click the ask button so that’s your problem now. I got words for you

First off: HOLy the writing and the voices are so good??? Like the characters say things the way their irl counterparts would say it? How?? Teach me your ways? Actually tho what did you do to learn to do that, is it innate, do you practice?

Second: “He wouldn’t have known the sight of Tango’s pale skin flushing bright red all the way down his chest.” That sentence just kinda stuck out to me from the last chapter… for some reason... anyways (idk what my point is here but it sure has got me thinking thoughts :P )

Third: I said I was obsessed, and I think it was an understatement. I didn’t study for my chem final because of this (still got an A tho so dw) and I went to bed for three days straight thinking about it and I woke up every morning thinking about it. (It took a solid hour to snap myself out of it when I actually needed to get work done lol) And on the plane ride home for break I drew some things so I’ll just leave these here if you don’t mind (umm ignore the tango faces on the first page and his left hand on the second, there's something Wrong™ about them I gotta practice, ok?)

idk if the formatting is good or whatever but here they are

As you can see I love love love the scene after the nightmare. If I remember correctly, Tango started wearing the gloves to protect his claws so they could heal after he escaped, and then when Jimmy gets hurt he just instinctively gives them to him?? Hello, the symbolism??? Tango just surrenders his own protection, both physically, because he would rather protect Jimmy, but also emotionally bc it immediately reveals what he considers a flaw in himself, monstrous, hideous. And Jimmy sees him throw the walls up again, “He quickly shoves the gloves at Jimmy, moving to get up. “I’ll uh, I’ll get another pair tomorrow-”” but Jimmy won’t let him, instead looks at what could be considered Tango’s entire soul —his trauma, his Hels origin, the feral, blaze side of him, the side that lies and hides and lashes out at any who get too close, the “ugliest” parts of him —and loves him despite it? Even sees the beauty in him? Yea, no, I’m normal about that—

Anyways idk how long these things are supposed to be but I have a couple more thoughts so you’re still stuck with me. Ummm let’s see… I adore your impulse design. So I’m taking that, thanks. (If that’s ok) also was thinking about how Jimmy would wear shirts with the wings getting in the way (see bottom of 2nd pic), and then thought maybe that’s why he’s so good at embroidery or sewing in general, cuz he has to make custom clothes. And then I thought what if he made some *cough* outfits and had Tango judge them… or asked for help putting on/taking off a particularly difficult shirt... haven’t had time to draw that yet but ya know… one day. Aaaaand the blaze rods could theoretically make a pretty cool fire crown when Tango's angry, also blazes do damage when you touch them, but I don't think you get set on fire? So it must be the blaze rods themselves doing damage, so I imagine when Tango's fighting they swirl around him both to attack whoever gets too close and to block any incoming projectiles (see middle left of 1st pic). +gradients on the blaze rods :]

Last thing, I showed my sister the fic last night and she’s already read through it twice so you’ve infected two of us. We were theorizing on what’ll happen next chapter. We both think that the others will piece together, to some extent, Tango’s backstory before they figure out how to remove the collar, what with the cuffs he wears, the comments Atlas made about a farm, Atlas’s mentioning about using Jimmy that way for his feathers, etc etc. and the comment that Tango can hear everything? Yea, no, when that collar comes off he’s gonna be distraught, I’m wagering that everything immediately bursts into flames around him or something (cuz that’d be cool). I think he'll probably try to run away, too, but we'll see

Anyways, that’s not all my thoughts but this is getting pretty long, so maybe I’ll send another ask later if that’s alright. Have a good day! Post again soon! Please. Please I'm begging you. For my sanity plea-

(actually tho take ur time. quality is worth it, and this is nothing but quality)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg welcome. this was genuinely SUCH a lovely ask to read, but i wanna take the time to properly answer it so i’m gonna continue under the cut cause boy can i ramble

first off: HELLO, you got a tumblr bc of HTP?? incredible. i’m honored that this gay angsty little block man au was your introduction to the hellsite (affectionate). and don’t worry, i welcome asks no matter the length (tho i might not get to everything in a timely manner)

second of all: i’m SO happy you enjoyed my character voices. that’s definitely something that’s taken a bit of practice, especially for more understated characters that don’t have super obvious or unique vocal traits/vernaculars. i find it helpful to a) have spent a decent amount of time watching the source material and b) always go over my dialogue with the character’s voice in my mind, and see if it sounds like something they’d actually say. ofc, sometimes liberties can be taken based on the plot/setting of a fic but generally i spend a lot of time and effort on getting character voices right, so i appreciate the appreciation <3

thirdly: i like that particular sentence too ;0

fourth: THAT ART THO??? oh man. impulse looks amazing (i’ve always loved demon!impulse and gotta credit @lunarcrown for bringing that vision to life 💃) and the wings are SO well done, like you conveyed that leathery thin bat skin texture perfectly. the various tangos are SICK, i luuuuv seeing him in full blaze rage mode, using those blaze rods to their full effect. and those hands… goddamn. not only do i respect the hand anatomy but the ROSES… the shackles and their metallic texture… the gradient on tango’s claws… chef’s kiss 💋👌 and THANK YOUUU the post-nightmare scene was one of my favorites from that chapter, and you’ve summed it up beautifully.

moving on: as with all of lunar’s designs, she’s happy to inspire so BEHOLD, DEMON IMPULSE UPON YE (that’s a yes from both of us LOL) i love ur idea about jimmy making custom shirts to work around his wings, that’s one of those little details i never put much thought into but it fits so nicely with him being into embroidery. so jimmy def makes a lot of his own clothes (and occasionally some for tango), co-signed and approved. and ur on the right track about tango’s blaze rods- most of his defensive fire comes directly from them, doing that crazy swirly fireball thing that actual blaze do, but he does also have the ability to produce fire from his hands, he just doesn’t do it often. it takes a bit more concentration and practice, and he spent so long trying not to use his abilities that it doesn’t come second nature to him anymore. he was way more of a fire starter as a kid in hels.

last but not least: AWW it’s so sweet u got ur sister into the au (lord knows i’ve dragged mine into many a fandom 😂) glad y’all enjoyed it so much, AND now u have someone to theorize with 👀 i won’t say anything more on the matter other than i hope to get the next chapter out over the next couple weeks, so stay tuned…

[makshu]

Just a big vent, you don't need to read it if you don't want to.

I think I have a problem when I find out that someone likes me, at least if it's someone close to me.

If it's a friend of mine, I start doing something I call "throwing myself at the person", which basically means I start getting really close to the person and trying to act in a way to be more likable.

The truth is, I don't know why people start liking me, and I really want to ask them why they like me, like- is there something specific? I literally do nothing! It's just... strange to me.

Recently I also had a drop in my self-esteem (or I just realized that it was never high) and I also realized that I'm trying to prove my usefulness again.

And I noticed that I compare myself to others much more than I thought, and this is due to the fact that the group of friends I'm in at the moment is made up of intelligent people (academically) and well, that is not my predominant type of intelligence.

I get angry at these people sometimes, and jealous too, and I hate it! It's not a right thing to think, but I can't help it when I realize the gulf of intelligence that exists between me and them.

Idk everything has been coming at once, I'm graduating in a few weeks, and there's a lot of pressure on me. I'm just not thinking straight anymore.

So many people who know me irl are on tumblr now, and I don't feel like this is a safe place to vent anymore, and I don't want to talk to someone because I know I won't accept help, so I don't want them to waste their time with me.

I hate knowing that I'm writing this hoping a specific person will read it, but at the same time I also don't want them to read it because I don't want to worry them.

There's a lot going on, and a thought that keeps coming back to me. Why does this person like me? What am I doing differently than normal for this to happen? People don't know me completely, how could they like me if they don't even know me well?

And in no way do I want to offend anyone, but I just don't understand.

Anyway, I just wanted to try to express this somehow, and even then I'm going to choose the worst way (maybe I'll delete this later), but I like to at least feel heard.

I hope I stop acting weird, and that people don't look at me differently when I talk about that specific person, I wish I didn't know this, but now that I know I need to deal with it somehow.

Thanks in case anyone read it.

And if you are the specific person, this is why I don't like people who know me irl knowing about this blog. But now that you've read this, do what you think is best with this information (just please don't tell anyone).

[cinematicnomad]

Hi! I love your gifs, you're very talented! They look amazing and so fluid and CRISP. Do you have a tip for beginners? Especially in preserving the quality, I've used Giphy but the page RUINS IT. Thanks❤️

hey! this is really sweet, thank you so much for the compliment!! i'm not the best at writing out tutorials or anything, but i am happy to share some that i definitely found useful when i was getting back into gif making during the pandemic.

so this tutorial for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki is pretty fundamental! it's the one i rec to everybody. it's a few years old now, so some of the links might not be active anymore for all i know, but it does a wonderful job going through the ENTIRE process start to finish.

@saw-x also has a solid tutorial for beginners that has some more great explainers, especially about sizing and ratios for tumblr posting.

here's a beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza which really helped ME out because tbh i went several years not using this layer feature bc i was so intimidated by it. don't be me!!

@aubrey-plaza also has another great tutorial on how to fix orange-washed coloring ESPECIALLY on poc actors. similarly, @ augustds has a tutorial on how to spot and stop whitewashing poc in gifs.

and then you can always go through my #tutorial tag to find any other posts i thought were worthwhile for myself to save!

regarding your other question, i'm gonna be honest, i'm not even sure how giphy fits into this question, so i guess?? my advice would be: don't use giphy. i have photoshop and save all gifs to my files (instructions available in the first tutorial) and then upload them to tumblr directly. i typically delete my gif files after posting them, but if i ever need to find/save them again for whatever reason, i find the post, open the gif in a new tab, delete the "v" at the end of "gifv" in the url, and then refresh the page. this should let you save the gif as is and you can post it elsewhere if needed.

anyway. hope this helps!! sorry it took me a few days to reply :)

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[tothevines]

sooooooo I am now officially writing a jam fic (lmao) and I said to Holly earlier how maybe posting jam fic is what I need to break the seal and start posting my other fic. because I have two fics that are both like...a week's worth of solid daily editing away from being postable. (maybe two weeks. lol.)

so I've just been thinking about why I never do it...why don't I just buckle down and do the editing and post them. and obviously there is the mental hurdle of baring my soul and letting other people read something I've written, which I don't really do anymore. I used to have such thick skin--I've survived some incredibly toxic writing workshops (including one in which the fucking professor was the most toxic person in the workshop). I could handle People with Opinions About My Writing...but I don't know that I can anymore. and fanfiction is honestly a whole different beast. it's baring my soul in such a different way, one where I could easily Do It Wrong (e.g. with characterization), and that's terrifying.

but also...I'm realizing that part of the issue is that I simply have too many hobbies lmao. every evening/weekend, I'm faced with free time and I get overwhelmed because there are so many things i could do with it: work on my fic! work on my non-fanfic writing! catch up on my shows! read a book! play any of the six video games that I've only played half of! embroider! cross-stitch! make gifs! go for a hike! learn that new skill I've been wanting to learn (lately it's visible mending)! watch a two-hour video essay about an influencer I've never heard of! repot that aloe that's gotten too big for its container! deep clean my bathroom! (cleaning counts as a hobby okay 😤)

but ANYWAY...there are so many choices. I just like a lot of stuff. but often I end up doing none of these and feeling like absolute shit because I've wasted hours doomscrolling when I could have been doing something fulfilling (but that's a whole separate issue...).

but this week I haven't had any proper free time because I just moved. so every day has just been: get home from work > unpack boxes > eat dinner > unpack more boxes > go to bed. but my brain is rotating the blorbos like rotisserie chickens the entire time, and I really want to write, but I just don't have the time for it.

but then I get irritated with myself because - why am I acting like being busy is the reason I'm not writing? I don't write nearly as often as I'd like to, even when I do have the time for it. so why do I avoid it when I DO actually have the time???

and I think I just have so many hobbies that I will use them as an excuse to not write. if I'm always doing something else (or avoiding doing anything via doomscrolling), I can't write, so I can't ever post my fic, and I won't open myself up to criticism or being perceived.

I've felt so ashamed about not finishing/posting my fic for years at this point, but sitting here at work and word-vomiting all these thoughts into tumblr dot com actually feels like I'm having a little breakthrough about it. I don't know that having said breakthrough will actually make me change my behavior, but it's a good place to start!!!

it's really helpful for me to understand that I don't shy away from writing because I Am Bad and A Fraud but rather because all my other hobbies are so much less emotionally fraught--I don't have a bunch of fear and anxiety around all my other little activities like I do with writing. (not to mention how I have based a large part of my identity on ~being a writer~ for so much of my life and how hard THAT can make writing. for reasons that I cannot get into now but I'm sure y'all get it).

but anyway. I don't have a real conclusion here besides that I hope working this out will help me spend more time on writing and less time using my other interests to avoid writing. and maybe I will be able to tell when I want to do something because I actually have the desire to do it versus when I want to do something because it seems easier/less emotionally complicated than writing.

also maybe working on rpf is helpful because I don't know if I would ever post it anyway, so it's lower stakes??? if I do end up finishing a jam fic before I finish either of my queliot fics that will be so fucking funny though💀

[yandere-sins]

Oh my god!! I just found you through your work on ao3 (Yantober), and it was amazing! I left a comment there, but now that I've found ur Tumblr, I'm gonna tell you again of how much I love the story!!(I hope you don't mind that I wrote the same context twice 🥹)

I like how it has those psychological horror elements in it and not just a typical yandere romantic story. I also like how realistic you play it out too! That's exactly what I imagined I'd act everytime I read a yandere work. Though I always thought that submitting is not my way, it's either I can escape or die trying, but your work literally showed me that you really can't do much when you're in a life and death situation, no body can handle the constant physical and mental pain without breaking down, it's a sad fact really.

Also, your writing is the best! I'm currently following up with your posts and read your other works, my current favorite is the yandere x vampire!darling(I'm forever grateful to whoever requested it🙏😭) I've never know how much I craved for a powerful being becoming a pet until I read your work, and now I want more, in fact, I'm hungry for more orz!! If your request is still open then I will request for part two later, if you don't mind that ofc.

Anyway, I hope you have a pleasant day over there. Stay hydrated and take care of yourself well. Also, keep up your good work! But no pressure though, take as much time as you need as your well being always come first.

If you ever feeling down about writing then please know that I like everything you write and I will keep supporting your work, always.

Hey! This is so sweet of you ;; I don't post on Ao3 much anymore but I am happy you found me here because I already tried contacting you over there but (as I found out) Ao3 won't let you chat with people, which is unfortunate! It sounds a bit random if I say this, but there's something about your comment I want to ask you about privately, so please feel free to write me a message if you're up to it, I'd appreciate it ♥

Either way, thank you so much for reading all 31 chapters—that's a lot, lol! And thank you for sharing your thoughts, I see we like the same aspects about the trope, so I'm glad you were able to enjoy my story so much! You're always free to request or chat, it would be a joy to write your ideas!

I hope I can continue writing stories for people like us and I wish you a very nice day! Really appreciate you taking the time to contact me twice, thank you so much! ♥

[groovesnjams]

gRooVES 'n JaMs S. O. T. Y. 2024

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"Defense" by Panda Bear & Cindy Lee

DV:

Every couple years MG forces me to learn what Panda Bear is currently doing and therefore every couple years I'm forced to reckon with the realization that whatever he's doing still works for me, like some grim countdown to the point where one of us finally gives up on making things (I am determined to win; if Grooves N Jams and Tumblr have both crumbled to dust I will still come out of retirement to write about some Generation Gamma Rebecca Black ripoff just to make the point.) Anyway: "grim" is the word for "Defense", a breakup song that sounds defeated almost before it begins. The guitar chugs in a downbeat loop until eventually the drum joins it to plod dejectedly forward. Even Lennox's vocal seems resigned; "Here I come" has rarely sounded as hopeless as it does here. The effect is surprisingly intense for a latter-day Panda Bear song, though at this point maybe I just need to stop being surprised.

MG:

Allow me to be existential for a moment (the Panda Bear demands it) because I am already weary of writing on the internet! There are no stakes for me anymore. When I first started using the internet in 2001 virtually everything I encountered was created by a "real" person and I felt real, too. I had a great many thoughts about obscure music and a great curiosity to hear more and weirder music and both those needs were met by the internet in ways life in suburban Chicago failed. Now when I use the internet I think it is largely with a fondness for that remembered past because the internet today is the abyss. I never know what's real and I feel yucky all the time. I keep pushing my work onto the internet as if it's some wound I'm seeking to bandage but pus and blood keep leaking sideways. I hate it here, I don't want to be here anymore, but there's nowhere to go. I thought I would relate better to my suburban neighbors in adulthood, but my yard is a chaos of native plants, leaves, and unmowed grass while the woman next door is still raking and trimming in mid-December.

I spent most of the year not really getting the whole deal around Cindy Lee. Diamond Jubilee is specific, it's aesthetic, but it's also repetitive and, gasp, but I must -- derivative. Yeah, y'all I made it to that great age where the returns of the culture spinning on its axis are diminishing and I've heard it all before and if I wanted to hear it again I'd just listen to whatever of it I liked when I was in college. Cindy Lee, in fact, dates back to that era. Perhaps these are flowers that got lost in the mail for, like, twenty years, ok? I most appreciate "Defense" for that chugging, downbeat loop. For making sense of Cindy Lee. For ripping when nothing rips me anymore. I gave up weed this year, but I was a stoner before the weed and I'm a stoner still, and those feathery little notes that waft through the smoky haze on "Defense" are something of a pure delight.