#anyways true demon ending bby

[lord-prey]

Alrighty after about 150 hours in, lv 95 beat smt3

Now I’ll either move onto DDS again or P3P for now :)

[mammons-tax-returns]

Can I get a the boys with a taller and buffer mc

BROTHERS WITH A TALLER + BUFFER MC

Using this imagine as another warm up before i start working on drabbles!

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Luci doesn’t mind it. But the only two other people that are taller than him are Beel and Diavolo, so that’s probably the only reason he pays attention to it.

I mean... That is unless someone points it out. Because then, his pride sets in and causes him to get a tad bit defensive.

But dw. He has his ways of making sure everyone knows that height will not deter him from doing ✨anything✨

Is lowkey happy that MC has some muscle on him!

He knows a human will probably be no match for any notable demon, but at least he can somewhat defend himself— Or at least can run fast LMAO

Also like ... We know that he likes beefy boys like Diavolo. We just know. I said what I said.

Does Luci ask MC to grab something off of the nearest shelf, saying “You’re taller than me, and you’re also the one standing.” just so he can watch MC’s clothes constrict at just the right places? Absolutely.

Wow. This shit. Puts Mammon through it. It truly just does.

At first, he welcomes the height difference and muscle with open arms. He needed some extra protection from his brothers anyways (well. more like someone to jump into the arms of. ) So he’s just looking forward to exploit MC’s physique.

But as soon as this boy catches feels, it’s over. The things he relied on to get by in the house of lamentation become his weakness.

it’s literally starting to become a problem how whipped he is for a strong and tall MC

Mammon starts to catch himself staring at MC’s muscles more often, although he’d never admit it. And now, hastily hopping into MC’s arms bridal style when he gets frightened has been making him more flustered than usual.

“Oh, MC! You’re hot— I mean— Uhh... I said. Y-You’re a thot.”

All i’m saying is, the texts that you can see between the brothers are a little bit spicier when Mammon thinks MC won’t be seeing him praising his back muscles.

Levi is somewhere in the middle of the list when it comes to height amongst the cast, so he’s not that put off by it

And he doesn’t truly notice the muscle until he gets within close proximity of MC

And that is, in fact, the exact moment that he decides that he will risk it all for this man.

This is true unadulterated ‘simping’ i suppose.

Doesn’t take long at all to start idolizing MC after relating him to classic shounen protags

Literally melts when he realizes MC is sitting behind him as he plays video games, chest against his back. Because then he knows that if he passes out, he’ll have a lovely set of triceps to support him while he drifts off.

For some reason I can imagine MC holding out his flexed bicep for Levi to touch, only for the latter to slink away in embarrassment

As if Satan didn’t have something to fuel his teasing with other MCs.

Is not the touchy type of flirty (constantly, at least) but he certainly slips in sly compliments after seemingly appearing out of no where.

“What are you, a teddy bear?” (in and affectionate accent. kind of (?))

Reading up on human anatomy to see if muscles developed differently than demons. Because if not then WHY do MC’s hit so different.

Once their relationship gets to that certain degree of comfortable, there’s no way he won’t try to trap MC against a wall just to see the reaction

He seems to enjoy seeing a taller and well built boy turning to putty in his grasp, I suppose.

literally who can blame him

Asmo... Oh, Asmo.

He’s ALL OVER MC. (when is he not)

SOMEONE (everyone?) COME COLLECT YOUR MANS

But on a real note, he simply finds MC’s height and build to be charming and INCREDIBLY attractive.

Although he may try and pull some things when they’re alone

Compliments. So many compliments.

Wants to make sure that MC loves himself and all of his glory like Asmo does!

Just waiting for the day he and MC can end up getting mixed up in Satan’s cursed books so he can swap bodies with MC. :). anyways. moving on.

Beel is no longer the tallest boyo in the house of lamentation!

But it’s a nice change for him, honestly

Did someone say workout buddy? Oh wait, it was me. I said it.

Since Beel is a demon, he probably could bench 500lbs+, so yeah, I don’t think they’d have the exact same regime, but Beel is here to get him to where he wants to be!

If you think Beel is giving up his #1 big spoon trophy, you’d be mistaken. (Although, for the record yes he enjoys being held occasionally)

Apparently Beel plays a sport similar to american football, so MC could toss the ball back and forth with him without struggling too much with how high the ball can go with Beel throwing it

It’s actually very nice being able to rest his head on someone’s chest while they’re both standing!

^ It’s an odd sight for the brothers to see, and they want to be jealous of how close he is to MC’s TITS but Beel looks so content that they just can’t bring themselves to.

Belphie now has TWO beefy cuddle buddies to have every night. Beel AND MC

Sometimes it’s like koalas clinging to one another when one gets tired, because then MC could just hold the Belphie that draped himself across his back

Assuming MC isn’t taller than Beel here, it’s like the medium porridge from goldilocks and the three bears, it’s just right. He can be held without being completely engulfed, which is nice, but change of pace is good sometimes.

Occasionally he’ll tease him by comparing him to Beel. Ex. “I was totally expecting you to say ‘I’m hungry’ right there...” (this is in NO way an insult, i would never do that to my bby boy beel)

When he’s tired, he likes MC’s sturdy build there for him to lean on and drift off a little

[jaegerboob]

WIP ROUNDUP!!

i was tagged by @trashpocket​ (hey bae ;)) and since im lonely here on tumblr and have no one but the void to yell at, i won’t be tagging anyone :((

okay let’s start off with my published WIPS lol i have quite a collection and boy do i regret posting most of these, but anyway that’s here’s my hot girl shit

"i’ll figure it out with a little more time” - (if u knew me at my thai BL phase no u didn’t :)) anyways this was a supposed to be a pretty short fic that features an oblivious Sarawat not knowing how to navigate his feelings towards Tine and Tine being an equally giant dumbass. their school is hosting a school dance and Sarawat’s emotionally constipated ass doesn’t know how to SPEAK and just ASK Tine to go w/ him. i swear i might be the author of this story but i also get mad at these fuckers

“we’re boyfriends?” - ah yes another Thai BL fic, i will admit. i have NO idea where to take this story lmao. i still wanna finish it tho cuz i hate disappointing ppl. the fic starts with Ae and Pond making a dumb bet so Pond will stop jerking off in their shared room and promises that he won’t do that as long Ae dates someone random and based off of Pond’s choosing. sweet bby Pete wanders into their campus accidentally  and gets picked. Ae does the deed and tells Pete they’re dating. Ae thinks that Pete and Pond are scheming to make his life a living hell but lo and behold Pete has actually fallen in love with him (heheheh) 

“i wanna ruin our friendship” - hello lgbtq+ community :). we all know where this fuckin title is from don’t be sneaky. so here’s my KilluGon college fic. I initially wrote this like two years ago and uploaded it on wattpad lmaooo then i edited it and posted on ao3 and once again i have no idea where to take this (ive forgotten what my original idea for this was lol) so basically Killua and Gon are really close friends and Gon is sortof a player in this AU idk why khdkadha but anywayz all of Gon’s exes have left him bc they’re jealous of Killua but Gon would never pick his current S/O over him so HAAA. it all goes to shit tho when Retz decides to trick Gon to taking her back for the school dance and idk what path to go for T_T 

AIGHT now for my UNPUBLISHED WIPS buckle up yall this is a LOT. all the titles are WIPS so that’s why theyre iffy lol

“pussy talented”- (don’t mind the title lmao i just wanted a cat pun in there somewhere) basically, Bokuto is a firefighter and Akaashi an editor. They work near each other and Bokuto often visits Kuroo, who works with Akaashi. Ofc Akaashi falls in love at first sight but then he overhears that he has a "Kenma" waiting for him at home. Akaashi assumes that he's probably Bo's boyfriend and then leaves him alone, making Bo confused as hell. Little that he knows that Kenma is actually a grumpy calico cat.

“killugon flower shop AU” - Wing owns a flower shop and Killua helps out with Zushi along with Alluka out of boredom and one day Alluka asks Killua to help out with her client then he meets Gon and is immediately smitten until Gon says that he's looking for something that he can give to a girlfriend (it was actually Ging's request lol), lots of misunderstanding, Killua being too shy to ask the handsome stranger out and Alluka and Zushi being done with his shit 

“rice isn’t the only thing getting crushed here” - Osamu falls in love with one of his most loyal costumers—Akaashi and he thinks he might just have a shot at it until one day while Akaashi is ordering a bunch of riceballs, Bokuto Koutaro of Japan's National Volleyball team enters the restaurant and sweeps Akaashi of his feet, unexpected angst and a generous helping of unrequited pining :)) dw this fic can go two ways: Bokuto is just Akaashi's best friend who he hasn't seen in months or b. Bokuto is actually Akaashi's fiance maybe i’ll write both endings heehee

“killua is sad and gets lovebombed” - while staying in Whale Island, Killua thinks he that he doesn't deserve Gon and tries to leave him while he's asleep but his plan is stopped when Gon wakes up and they both end up revealing their true feelings for each other

“excuse to write charles getting fucked by two delicious men” - Erik and Charles have been in a relationship for years now and basically fell out of love so when Erik gets promoted and has to move, Charles agrees and so they break up. Charles turns to Logan (who harbors a giant crush on Charles) for companionship and sleep together once. Logan says it was an accident but Charles wants more and they establish a FWB situation of sorts since Charles isn't ready yet. But then Charles gets into an accident and can't remember what happened the past year and a half so he still thinks he's with Erik. Meanwhile, Erik is living a luxurious yet empty life and when he gets the call from Raven about Charles' situation, he immediately goes back running.

“killua in whale island” - KilluGon are like 20-ish and Killua visits Whale Island and Ging just happens to be there as well. Killua thinks about how even though Gon and Ging are near identical, Gon just looks so much more handsome. (probs just a oneshot) 

 “another horny cherik fic” - Charles is a demon who was accidentally summoned when Raven, Hank and Ororo uses Erik's blood to perform a demon summoning ritual (as a joke) they didn't know it would actually work so now Charles is stuck with Erik because the human absolutely refuses to sell his soul

“IwaOi overboard AU” - Oikawa is a rich pretty boy and Iwa a college dropout who works at his uncle's repair shop with his younger brother Tobio and cousin Kyoutani ( both 5 yrs old). One day he gets called over to fix one of Oikawa's cars and after a failed and disastrous encounter with a drunk Oikawa, Iwa leaves the mansion fuming. Later in the day, it's discovered that Oikawa got in a car crash that took away his memories and since Oikawa apparently lives alone, he has no one to get him. not until Iwa comes ofc and with a malicious and vengeful intent, he tells Oikawa that they're dating and live together in his crappy apartment

“dancer Akaashi” - Akaashi is a dancer, Osamu is a bartender at the bar he works at and has also been in love with Akaashi for the past two years. He doesn't confess since he knows Akaashi doesn't like romance but then enters a bright eyed cheery Bokuto who sweeps the unreachable Midnight Moon off of his feet, bokuaka but im leaning towards bokuosaaka since akaashi deserves two boyfriends

“watch me be poetically horny for Akaashi Keiji” - Akaashi is a vampire and Osamu, a skilled artist. Akaashi posing nude and delighted at how beautifully Osamu portrays him. Osamu says otherwise. 

Cherik College AU - drift by great gable.... late teens cherik... Erik being a misanthropic horny bastard and Charles a snarky piece of shit.... they get paired up for 7 minutes in heaven... turns out Charles has been ogling him for a while now..  hmmmm,,,.,. ( i wrote this when i was drunk and my og draft is too long so take this instead lolz) 

“ BokuAka (NSFW) ” - Bokuto pushing off a guy who tried to hit on Akaashi while they're at a club. Akaashi gets so turned on he immediately drags Bokuto to the bathroom where he gets his facefucked in one of the bathroom stalls or Akaashi getting his face fucked in a dirty alley at the back of a bar after Bokuto gets into a fistfight.

“KuroKen (NSFW)  ” -Kenma does top during sex but but he's just really lazy to put in the effort 

aight that’s it oh damn i just now realize how much i have T-T bruhhhhhhh and this isn’t even all of them damnnn 

[sevenincubistolemyheart]

Of Leeches and Secrets

Au: Demon

Tag list: @xsunnyhoseokx @amiraclerenee @illneverrecover​

Rating: M

Potential Triggers: Kinks in this fic include marking, possession, aphrodisiac use(supernatural power), and overstimulation. There’s also non-explicit mentions of torture. 

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Supernatural Smut, Brief Angst, Fluff

Length: 3.2k+

A/N: Happy Valentines Day @illneverrecover​!! I really hope you enjoy this bby! I struggled with including a certain someone but I hope you liked how I ended up including him and that his personality was okay!! Much love~ -Sheridan

All Taehyung had wanted to do was keep his race a secret from you. You'd been perfectly content with your normal, happy, Human boyfriend. But no- that bratty bloodsucker had ruined it all with his big mouth. 

He'd had to teleport home in a panic as he felt a rush of fear assault him from your end of the bond. The Marks he littered all over your body served 2 purposes- showing his ownership to the Humans yes but also to the world you had no idea of- race after race of supernaturals. 

He always ensured his scent was all over you too- clearly, it still hadn't been enough if the Vampire hovering over your small looking form on the couch wasn't enough proof. 

He snarled and threw Baekhyun harshly into the wall by his collar and knelt down to look into your eyes, taking in your fearful, shock filled gaze. 

He reached out to comfort you and his face and heart both fell as he saw you recoil.

Pain flashed across his face before a hiss of fury escaped him as he whirled to face Baekhyun who was effortlessly dusting himself off, a small smirk adorning his lips. 

"You really shouldn't break your own apartment you know. The walls are thin as it is."

"What the fuck are you doing here? You know better than to touch-"

He cut himself off, knowing his continuation of 'what belongs to me' wouldn't sit well with the Human he adored so much. 

“-random people you don’t know!! Our issue has nothing to do with her!”

Baekhyun hummed, eyes wide and innocent as he shrugged. 

"I haven't touched her once. Just told her a few things. She deserved to know the truth. I mean you have been keeping an awful lot of secrets from her. I couldn't help but want to dispel the poor things ignorance. What if a mean, scary Vampire wanted to suck her dry~?"

He flashed his fangs and let the true red of his eyes appear for a moment in a playful gesture. 

"She should be reassured having an even scarier demon on her side, don'tcha think?"

Taehyung let his words sink in and soon had to take a deep breath to stop his furious shaking as he turned his attention to you- ignoring Baekhyun for the moment. Bastard always knew how to push his buttons and he clearly wanted him to snap so he'd scare you more. 

"...Are you okay baby?"

His voice was nothing but gentle as he knelt down and looked up into your eyes. 

You finally spoke, eyes oddly resolute compared to the blank pools they were moments ago. 

"I'm fine. Just tell me the truth. Are you really a Fallen Angel like Baek said?"

The nickname you used for the Vampire made him bristle but he nodded. 

"Mm. I know this must come as a shock but-"

You shook your head and laughed weakly as you stood up to pace. 

"Actually it just makes me feel like I'm finally not crazy. You disappeared every night and now there's a good reason. Do you…"

You bit your lip, looking hesitant for the first time. 

"Do you actually torture people?"

He looked to the side knowing his answer wasn't one most Humans would like. 

 “I...Yeah. They're truly vile people but it’s my job. Being here on Earth doesn’t change that. I could switch to espionage on the Angels if that would make you feel more comfortable-”

Perhaps not nearly as fun as his current position but what could he say? He’d fallen for you and he was willing to sacrifice for that.

You bit your lip, a nervous tic he’d noticed you did when under stress and hesitantly met his gaze. 

“Do you enjoy it?” 

“Yes. Very much.” 

He answered without hesitation. 

Your eyes lowered once more and you fiddled with your thumbs as your voice grew quieter. 

“Would...you want to do that to me if I ever went to Hell?”

He couldn’t stop the burst of laughter that escaped his lips if he tried, trying to get it under control as your head snapped up in surprise. 

“Ahaha!! Oh, sweetheart, you are not going to Hell.”

You frowned slightly, voice growing stronger. 

“That’s not what I asked Taehyung. Do you want to hurt me? To torment me like you do those people? Has this all been a game to you!?!” 

Your voice rose and the glassiness of your eyes made his laughter cut off sharply as he gently cradled your cheek in his large palm. 

“Oh, baby no. I...I may be a sadist, yes but I would never want to hurt you. You showed me that humanity wasn’t such a vile cesspool beyond saving. You made my fall for being curious worth it. “ 

His face held a serious expression so unlike him that you let out a sigh of relief as you nuzzled your cheek into his hand.

“...And what about the other boys? And Baekhyun's group? Are you all demons?”

Baekhyun snorted as he slung himself on the couch on the opposite side to you carelessly. 

“Don’t lump me in with those weak fear generators. It’s just Kai and me who’re Vamps. The rest are Humans. We both figured it’d be fun to spend the next while influencing the world through our music.” 

He shrugged, sounding bored as he yawned. 

Taehyung scoffed, as a ghost of a smirk pulled at his lips. 

“At least I’m more than a common mosquito. As for the other boys- we’re actually all different races. It’s part of the reason we’re as successful as we are. Between Jimin as an Incubus, Yoongs as a Siren and Hobi as an Angel with memory manipulation- there’s plenty of supernatural appeal pulling Humes to us that we have no control over.” 

Seeing your wide wonder-filled eyes he chuckled under his breath and opted against keeping you in suspense like he could’ve. 

“Jungkook is a Shifter- he can take on any of our appearances and also take on one of our abilities in addition to his own. He can mimic our voices easily too. Namjoon is a Bloodsucker like this one-” He raised his chin at Baekhyun who rolled his eyes. “But he’s much more bearable. Jin is a Human but a gifted time traveler so he’s wiser than any of us would typically care to admit. That’s everyone.” 

You let out a little laugh of disbelief at both of their answers. 

“That’s...damn. Kai too?” 

You asked Baekhyun who smirked. 

“...Vamps can read thoughts just so you know love.” 

He mentioned offhandedly, relishing as you gasped and were quick to look away. Your cheeks turned red from the blood rushing to them as you blushed madly and he took in your scent with great pleasure. 

Taehyung’s eyes darkened as he took in the exchange but he said nothing, merely settling for looking between the two of you.

“But yes, Kai too. There’s a reason you’ve never been left alone with him and why Tae is so careful about being near whenever we’re at an event with you. He can be a bit...unstable with those with blood as sweet as yours appears to be.”

Taehyung had had enough of being left out. 

“Isn’t it about time you left? Got some mice to suck dry?”

He managed to get out through gritted teeth. 

Baekhyun only beamed.

“I don’t think I want to~. And I’d say your pretty little thing doesn’t want me to either, if her thoughts concerning my appearance are anything to go by.” 

His eyes darkened as he suddenly was much closer than before; his sudden lunge at you leading to him looming over you. He turned your face to him with two fingers as he made you meet his gaze, giving a lustful snarl that went right to your core, making you shiver. 

“Every thought you had when you saw us perform, when you met me the first time-” His smirk was one of a shark, sharp fangs only drawing the comparison closer as he clearly smelled blood in the water. 

“Especially that time when I made eye contact with you…”

Your eyes widened as you immediately recalled what he was talking about. He’d made eye contact with you while at soundcheck during one of their sexier routines and while you couldn’t remember your exact thoughts...they sure weren’t decent with how wet you’d been.

“If you still want I’d be glad to fuck an irresistible girl like you till you see stars and are so thoroughly fucked out you don’t know whether to beg for it to stop or for more.”

You barely mustered the strength to shake your head and only came back to yourself when Taehyung roughly pulled the Vampire off you with a hiss between teeth that equal parts frightened you and turned you on. There was a dark undercurrent to his voice you’d never heard before and-fuck what was wrong with you? It felt like you were drunk all of a sudden. 

You could barely focus on anything but you’re growing need to be filled and while sure; you had your hormone jumps and often had horny spells they were never this intense. 

“Baby? What did that bastard-” 

Taehyung loomed over you with worry in his gaze but you were too focused on how pretty his lips looked and roughly pulled his lips to yours with the hands around his neck, cutting him off abruptly. 

You made out for a few moments but Taehyung quickly put together that something wasn’t right. He was typically the one leading you- you’d never been so absolutely ravenous for him before. He forced himself back with difficulty, caressing your midsection and neck to offer you a sensation to focus on as he turned his attention to Baekhyun who was pouting and looked positively annoyed. 

“What the Hell did you do to her?”

Baekhyun shrugged. 

“I just turned up my aphrodisiac meter some to entice her is all. I didn’t expect it to backfire so much.”

His eyes still very much held his want for you, if the bulge in his pants was anything to go by anyway...and that gave Taehyung an idea. 

Even Baekhyun couldn’t hold back his shudder at the dark smirk and sadistic gleam in his eyes.

"...You think playing around with my girlfriend’s pleasure is okay hm? You poor little leech~ She'll never be swayed to you when she has someone who can actually make her feel pleasure instead of your artificial bullshit. Though I suppose  I'll give you the honor of a front-row seat so your efforts don't go to waste."

Taehyung’s voice was low and almost gentle but rich with cruel happiness that made Baekhyun puff his chest and stand up straight in an attempt to appear more intimidating.

"It's not artificial! I'm sure the slick currently pooling underneath her is proof of that."

He sniped, only to flinch as Taehyung lunged at him and...tapped him? 

He hesitantly peeked one eye open and saw they were now in the Master bedroom. Ugh. Teleportation. He tried to move but frowned as he realized he couldn't move an inch. 

A quick glance at Taehyung had his eyes widening as he hissed under his breath.  

"...Kanima venom."

Taehyung smiled smugly- taking off the glove he'd used to smear the gel-like venom onto his intruders' bare skin carefully and tossed it in the trash. 

"Your ability to speak should be going next. Try and be a good boy and enjoy the show hm? Maybe they'll teach you a lesson about spilling secrets that aren't yours."

He turned his attention to you who was pouting at him and already halfway through taking off your top only for the buttons of your top to have gotten stuck in your hair. 

He chuckled fondly, eyes softening as he gently helped you to untangle yourself. 

"Silly girl; didn't I tell you to wait for me? Now I'm going to have to punish you. I know you're eager but you know better than to disobey your Sir."

The whimper that fell from your lips may have been caused by the aphrodisiac but truthfully you knew it was all his doing. Taehyung always knew how best to make you unravel. 

"B-But Tae-" 

Your whine made him growl; that demonic undercurrent from before making you arch in need but he still wouldn't touch your core, instead letting his fingers play with the button on your jeans- already undone. 

"No buts baby. I'm gonna make you cum so many times you'll wish you were in Hell with me."

Your breath hitched and the smirk that bloomed across his lips made you shiver. 

"Ahhhaha~ I see my hypothesis was right. You like that your boyfriend is a demon don't you? My precious little slut~"

You blushed and tried to deny his claims. 

"I-no that's not it! I just…" 

You squirmed clearly embarrassed and he chuckled darkly before leaving a trail of hot kisses up your neck until he reached your ear where he bit down. 

The hiss of pain you let out caused him to moan before he licked at the red area causing a sharp spike of pleasure to make you mewl.

"Naughty girl~ thinking you can lie to your boyfriend who can read like you a book...and hear your heartbeat."

The tickle of his breath on your ear and his fingers brushing ever so gently over your covered core made you finally cave as you nodded. 

"Okay okay fine!! You win! I find it really hot and I want you to make me beg!" .

You admitted in a rush. 

A muffled moan made your attention turn to the new fixture you'd completely forgotten about. 

Baekhyun looked wrecked. He was panting; clearly desperate for relief if the large bulge set to burst out of his pants was any question, eyes glassy with need. 

When you locked eyes with him you found yourself being drawn in, unable to look away. Maybe you could help him, get fucked by both boys at once-

You found your face being sharply turned back to Taehyung as well as your senses. 

"Don't make me blindfold you Baek. I want you to savor every second of her pleasure as I bring her to the peak mercilessly."

He spoke the words to Baekhyun but his eyes never left your own and you found yourself immediately complying as Taehyung ordered you.  

"On your back baby, knees apart."

You did as instructed and he helped you remove your jeans leaving you in nothing but your underwear and bra. Perhaps you might've been insecure with having Baekhyun watching you like this as well if you weren't so focused on Taehyung and his hands as they roamed from your neck down to your breasts as he lightly flicked his thumbs over the fabric, smirking as you keened and shivered, jolting a little as his fingers brushed across your nipples. 

"Ahh I almost forgot your little aphrodisiac trick increases sensitivity too. Makes the blood pump faster doesn't it…?"

He questioned innocently, knowing he wouldn't receive a response. 

"And unfortunately for you-"

He nuzzled your mound and relished your needy moan.

"That enhanced sensitivity is only gonna get more and more intense the more times I make you cum for me."

The gentle touches and playful teasing were quickly growing to be too much for you with how worked up you were. 

"B-Baby please! I'm sorry okay I'll never even think about Baekhyun or any other man but you again you know I only have eyes for you-!!"  

Taehyung's eyes darkened at the sound of your begging and you squealed as he shut you up by simply pulling your underwear down and off you too quickly for you to see before attacking your core like a man possessed. 

His tongue relentlessly lapped over your clit while also detouring to your lips now and again to keep you on the edge. 

"That's right. You belong to me. No-one else. Least of all that vile brat needing a tan." 

Even the feeling of his breath made you pant as you arched up- needing to feel his lips against you.  Ugh, you were so close!!

"Something wrong babygirl?" 

He taunted with a smirk, now skirting ever so slowly around your clit with his tongue. 

Tears of pleasure were starting to dot your vision and you felt your thighs trembling; a telltale sign of your impending orgasm.

"P-Please. Make me cum Tae. Please. I...nngh…can't bear it-!" 

You mumbled weakly. 

And then you were gasping as he easily brought you over the edge- attacking your clit viciously as his tongue lashed mercilessly over the over-sensitized bud. As your 2nd orgasm of many approached you clenched around nothing at the demonic hiss that left his lips. 

"Oh I'll make you cum alright. I thought you'd never ask."

Needless to say your night was filled with many more orgasms. Whether from his gifted tongue, his merciless fingers or his dick. And you were absolutely littered in marks by the end of the night. At one point he'd even broken the skin just to add an extra layer of torment to his little captive. You'd talked before about overstimulation but by the time he was done you were so tired he had to clean you up and tuck you into bed. 

As you slept soundly he smiled knowingly at Baekhyun, the poor Vampire having cum multiple times himself from the display. He leisurely made his way over to him, lifting the broken boys' hopes of being given the antidote to the venom. 

Instead, Taehyung pet his hair softly for a few moments with a gentle, kind smile on his face. Thankfully, the venom was slowly beginning to finally wear off on its own so he was barely able to speak. 

"Taehyung? What are you-hnn!" 

He yipped like a kicked puppy before moaning as Taehyung cupped his oversensitive crotch, shivering in fear as Taehyung's expression didn't change once even though his eyes were dead and completely devoid of emotion. 

"...Try and come near my girl again. Ever try to manipulate her like that again- and this will be child's play compared to what the succubi and incubi I throw you to will do to you. For a year. Got it?"

His voice was pure demon now, so growled and low the Vampire barely understood it as he rushed to voice his affirmation. 

"Y-Yes! Okay okay please just-"

The world tilted and he closed his eyes, only to find himself back at his apartment with the other boys. 

"The venom will wear off naturally. Pray it's Kai that finds you and that he's not in a mood."

Was all Taehyung called over his shoulder with a smirk before he disappeared, ignoring the vocalists call to let him free.

Taehyung sighed in relief as he snuggled into bed with you, taking off his jeans and placing the antidote in his drawer before crawling beside you and enveloping you in his warm arms. You cuddled into him as you always did- a small hum of contentment leaving your lips and making his eyes soften as he pecked the top of your head. 

Yeah. Maybe you finding out wasn't so bad after all. 

[shirtlesssammy]

8x23: Sacrifice

Welcome back to what might be our longest (and last) hellatus. This was a request that we were going to do after the series ended, but here we are. Enjoy!

Then:

Dean Winchester loves needs one (1) angel.

Now:

Jody Mills is on the Bumble date from Hell with “Roderick”. And by that, I mean she’s trying to put herself back out there after grieving the loss of her husband and son --and Roderick is really Crowley. 

Jody heads to the bathroom to pull herself together and Crowley starts his spellwork to threaten the Winchesters --again. Jody starts puking blood in the bathroom while Dean tries throwing his weight around negotiating the trials and demon/angel tablets. They make a deal, so YAY.

Kevin retrieves the demon tablet for the brothers. Dean gives him the key to the bunker. 

Cas, meanwhile, is chilling with his new friend, Metatron. He asks about God. Metatron describes God as “larger than life, gruff, bit of a sexist. But fair --eminently fair.” Hm, Metatron always did like to spin those stories. They’re outside a bar waiting for signs of the next angel trial --retrieving cupid’s bow. 

The brothers head to Sioux Falls to Bobby’s (probably theirs now?) salvage yard. Crowley is there waiting for them and ready to exchange tablets. He’s got a contract for them to sign --well, Sam to sign since he’s doing the trials. Dean demands to read the fine print before Sam signs anything. Sam unleashes his inner Veruca Salt and grabs the pen to sign. The brothers are not on the same page about this it seems. 

In Heaven, Naomi learns where Cas is --and that he’s with Metatron. 

Dean continues to read the contract and Crowley continues to needle him about how his humanity is a handicap. It’s revealed to all be just a ruse to distract Crowley when Dean throws some demon binding handcuffs on him. They tell Crowley that making him mortal is the third trial. 

Cas tries to speed up the love train for the bartender but fails awkwardly.

For Who Gives a Fuck if He’s Awkward Science:

Naomi and her squad show up. They take Metatron, leaving Cas alone. 

The brothers head to the church where the final trial will happen. They tie Crowley up and go over the game plan. Sam will inject purified blood into Crowley once an hour for eight hours. He’s going to have to confess to God to purify his blood and isn’t sure where to begin. Dean has some ideas, and, like, No ? He lists Ruby, Lilith, losing his soul, not looking for Dean in Purgatory ---and Chuck really would like a clip show of his favorite torture moments I’m sure, but support your brother a little, hmmm?

Anyway, while Sam heads to confession, Cas flaps in to ask Dean for help (like, is this the last time he flaps in to see Dean? I...really miss his wings.) He tells Dean that Naomi took Metatron, and explains that they were working on the angel trials --and planning on shutting Heaven and Hell down. 

Naomi wants answers from Metatron, and she pulls out a hand drill to extract them from him. 

Dean tells Cas that Sam needs his help more than Cas does. Sam pops up and tells Dean to go with Cas. Dean agrees and they fly off together while Sam starts the final trial.

Cas and Dean head to the bunker to have Kevin translate the angel tablet. There’s one problem: Kevin has never laid eyes on the thing before. He’s also done with all the prophet stuff. Cas, not done with all the angel badass stuff, begs to differ.

Sam continues to look SUPER rough. He’s doing so poorly, in fact, that Crowley gets the drop on him despite being tied to a chair. Crowley chomps a hole in Sam’s arm so that he can make a bloody phone call to any demon in range as soon as Sam steps away. GROSS

Dean and Cas get shot at by cupid’s arrow as a bow hunting demo airs on the bar’s TVs. Er, they wait for the cupid to arrive while continuing to strike out in the bar. Er, they wait for the cupid to arrive.

*Fourth Wall Dialogue Alert*

Cas: “You really think it’s wise to be drinking on the job?”

Dean: “What show’ve you been watching?”

Dean asks Cas about his plan to board up Heaven. He expresses worry that Cas is going to meet a bloody end locked away with the other angels. “So this is it,” Dean says fatalistically. “ET goes home.” He lingers on something unsaid, before a delivery worker arrives and distracts them. (“Nooooo,” I cry. “What were you going to say?”) The delivery lady is super cute. At last the love interest arrives! Is Ed finally going to meet his constant companion?! She bestows a glowing smile on Ed and Rod, the regular patron seated at the bar. Patting them both on the shoulder, she bids them farewell. Astonished, Dean watches the woman just…leave. 

Meanwhile, Ed and Rod mutually admire the drawing of a hunting bow on the TV. They lock eyes. Music swells! It’s love! While Dean stares gormlessly at the two lovebirds, Cas is already two steps ahead and on his way to track down the delivery driver - their cupid. 

Crowley sings Bowie to Sam as the floor cracks and ground shakes. Abaddon enters in all her stitched up glory. 

For Yes Please Science:

Sam gets hurled through a window, but Abaddon….isn’t exactly aiming to help out the current King of Hell. She wallops Crowley instead, intending to claim the throne for herself. Sam races back in, douses Abaddon in fire, and sends her smoky demon form into the night. 

Dean and Cas corner the cupid outside of the bar. Cas demands her bow, blade sliding from his sleeve. In what could be a first for him, Dean counsels, “Talk first, stab later.” MADE FOR EACH OTHER!

The cupid tells Cas that she’s avoided Heaven as its leadership has fallen. She offers the bow freely and Cas raises his blade to cut it from her palm. YIKES

In Heaven, Metatron confronts Naomi with a bloodied eye. (We clutch our blankets to our chests and think of Cas’s “re-programming” with renewed horror.) Metatron reflects that losing God was the worst thing he endured, and then he was run out of Heaven by the upper echelons of Heaven. “Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there would be no payback?” he asks. 

In Hell Quest Central, Sam sets Crowley upright again now that Abaddon has fled the building. He repaints the devil’s trap and continues the trials. Crowley drops movie reference after movie reference and I can’t help but point out that he’s targeting the WRONG WINCHESTER with those overtures. “I deserve to be loved!” Crowley declares at last, and emotion crests over him, taking both Sam and Crowley by surprise. As the cure continues, things get quiet. Crowley asks Sam how he asked for forgiveness because he doesn’t even know where to start with his own soul. 

Kevin can’t find the Heaven trials anywhere in the tablet and while Dean’s arguing with him, Naomi flaps in to talk to Cas. 

Naomi insists that Metatron is playing Cas, lying to him so he can get help enacting his revenge. “This is what you do,” Cas growls. “You twist things.” VALID mistrust! Naomi tells them that Metatron’s plan is to expel all angels from Heaven.

“Our mission was to protect what God created,” Naomi says with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know where we forgot that.” She offers up an overture, telling Dean that if Sam finishes the trials then he will die. Naomi picked that knowledge directly from Metatron’s head. 

After Naomi flaps away, Dean orders Kevin to find out if it’s true that Sam will die. Cas flies Dean to Sam, then flaps away to finish what he started. Just as Sam is about to do the final rite, Dean races into the church and shouts for him to stop.

In Naomi’s office, Cas discovers her sprawled out (mostly) dead on the desk, her probe jabbed into her brain. Metatron confronts Cas with an angel blade to his throat. Naomi was telling the truth! That rumpled eccentric is out for revenge!

Meanwhile, Dean explains to an actual, GLOWING Sam that he’ll die if he completes the trials. “So?” Sam asks. SAM BBY.

Upstairs, Cas is strapped to Naomi’s torture chair while Metatron placates him. 

He cuts a slit in Cas’s throat to extract his grace, and counsels him to go back to Earth and settle down for the rest of his life. Metatron tells Cas that he didn’t endure trials. Instead, he helped Metatron to gather ingredients for a powerful spell. He gathers Cas’s grace to finish the spell and just before he zaps Cas on a one way trip to Earth, he tells him to come see him when he’s dead so he can hear his story. 

Sam argues with Dean about the trials. He insists that Dean absolutely CAN fight the forces of evil on his own. Sam tells him that he’s been a lodestone around Dean’s neck for a long time. His greatest sin was “how many times I let you down.” OH SAMMY! 

“I know we’ve had our disagreements,” Dean argues, “I killed Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches who killed mom walk because of you, so don’t you dare think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you.” 

Sam listens to this and finally gasps, “How do I stop?” Dean wraps a handkerchief around Sam’s hand and tells him to let go of the spell. Sam stops glowing…which is great! Except he collapses in agony which is…less great. Dean calls for Cas desperately. 

Cas wakes in a field and strides out to a lakeshore. 

Sirens clang in the bunker, locking Kevin inside. And outside…stars fall. The angels are being expelled from Heaven, their wings burning as they plummet to the Earth. 

We’re just going to end this recap with a bunch of gifs, ‘kay? 

Waiting for a Quote to Fall:

It’s not a date until I’ve cried

This is a secret lair. You understand me? No keggers

Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime? Or someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?

There is no out. Only duty

Do you really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?

Talk first, stab later

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[infernusvacua]

&&. ( belen maev ) was just spotted in amsterdam. rumor has it ( he/they ) is a ( 812 / physically 35 ) year old ( angel of light ) who resembles ( lee pace ). ( he ) has been said to be ( loyal & ambitious ) but also quite ( conceited & vicious ).with all the chaos surrounding the magical underworld, ( he ) has chosen to align with ( the angels of light / the russian bratva ). ( he ) is currently serving as ( bodyguard / guardian angel of tatiana valentina ). hopefully the city doesn’t devour him whole.

( belen ) would describe ( themself ) as a ( winter ) person and would identify as a ( istj-a). ( their ) birthday is ( january 6th, 1208 ), making ( their ) star sign ( capricorn ) and ( their ) celtic animal sign the ( stag ). ( their ) biggest pet peeve is ( failure ), and ( their ) theme song is ( from eden by hozier ). finally, ( their ) primary goal is to ( save tatiana and continue to protect her for the rest of her life ).

Hollaaaaaa! Bree again with bby #5, Belen. TWs for mild violence and kidnapping.

Character File

Muse Page (for tags)

SUMMARY

Belen comes from a long line of warrior angels dedicated to serving heaven and protecting mortals. His father Karael has trained generations of warriors to serve The Almighty, while his mother Suriel is a noted healer who dutifully tends to those who return from battle against hell. It is a proud lineage that Belen was always more than happy to continue. He served on the front lines against hell and all its unholy minions for decades uncounted, scoring victory after victory for heaven against their enemies. He never doubted his calling to the warrior’s life, for it ran in his blood as surely as it did in his father.

A few centuries ago, Belen was given new orders: to leave the front lines and guard over a human on earth. Although he’d never trained to be a guardian angel before, he knew that the Almighty must believe he was the only one suited for the job. So he accepted willingly, and buried his thoughts that a few decades of following a human around would be boring compared to smiting demons. But Belen ended up growing extremely attached to the mortal. They were a brave warrior whose loyalty and dedication the angel could easily identify with. Under Belen’s guidance and stewardship, the human grew to be a celebrated hero and a beloved leader to their community. Belen remained at their side until the moment they passed—their death was the only time in his life that Belen has shed a tear.

With his ward gone, Belen went back to the battlefield, slaying demons and beating back the fallen angels who stood against him. But the decades spent guarding his human had changed him, making him a more cautious fighter and a better warrior. The fight never filled him with the same sense of purpose that it once had, and sometimes he wished that he would be assigned to another mortal. But he'd never been guardian material. He was a warrior to the core, blunt and straightforward in his problem solving, never relying on emotions to guide his actions. Guardians were meant to be loving, caring forces of good for their wards. He'd had a good experience, but it was time to move on.

Twenty years ago, Belen was tasked yet again with guardianship over a mortal, and he leapt at the chance. This mortal was a baby girl born into a family of werewolves. Not just any family either: the Valentina crime family, renowned in Russia as the Bratva to be feared above all others. Given that her family were criminals and murderers, he found this confusing, but refused to question the assignment. He’d been hoping for another ward, and no matter the circumstances, he was going to watch over little Tatiana more effectively than any human or werewolf bodyguard ever could.

Of course, a crime family like the Valentinas weren't just going to let a stranger walk in off the street and guard their princess. Belen had to prove himself to these mortals to gain an in with them, and Tatiana's father tasked this newcomer with a daunting task: killing a family rival, a notorious murderer who had wronged the Valentinas in many ways and was finally becoming too dangerous to ignore. Being an angel of the light, it was against Belen's nature and duty to harm a human, but he was able to find a moral loophole which made the task quite easy. The target’s soul couldn’t be saved at this point, and given what he’d done to other members of the Bratva, he was liable to be a very real threat to Tatiana at some point. Feeling safe and justified in his actions, Belen smote the sinner with ease and returned to the Valentinas with his head. The quick and casual manner of his return awed them, and Belen was immediately welcomed into the family with open arms.

From that moment onward, Belen was family. He protected Tatiana with a ferocity and diligence that bordered on obsession, though anyone who has ever met a guardian angel would understand his devotion to her well-being. He became like a brother or uncle to her, and he treated her as his own flesh and blood. He had to hide his true nature from both his ward and her family, of course, but they were always relatively accepting of his quirks. It was with the Valentinas that Belen discovered there was now more acceptance and terminology for genders outside of male and female on earth. When he expressed that he was neither a man nor a woman, the werewolves immediately began including gender neutral language for him in their daily life. This pleased and amused Belen greatly, since the concept of being gendered had never felt applicable to him anyway, and has continued to accept both "he" and "they" pronouns ever since.

On rare occasions, the former Pakhan, Tatia's father, would task Belen with special missions for the Bratva that no one else was available to do, or even could, like taking out particular targets that were deemed a threat. The bodyguard’s effective and often brutal methods earned them such nicknames as "the Avenging Angel" and "the Silver Lion". So long as they could find a loophole that meant the mission directly protected their ward (and they always did), they were unstoppable. There was nothing they would not do for her.

So one can imagine Belen's wrath when Tatiana was stolen away to be trafficked in Amsterdam. Under normal circumstances, such a thing would never have been possible. To this day, Belen curses themself for letting their beloved ward be stolen. But to their credit, it was not entirely their fault. Tatiana had left school early without telling anyone, meaning Belen was not on hand to pick her up and escort her home as usual. Only after they'd arrived at the end of the day to collect her did they find that she wasn't waiting for them as usual. They alerted the family at once, hoping that someone else had simply picked her up first.

From there, the worst nightmare of Belen's long life spiraled out of control. The angel scoured every inch of Russia, terrorizing the criminal underworld and depleting the inmate populations of several gulags to get every scrap of information they could. One tip they uncovered directed the Bratva to Amsterdam, where many human traffickers had found a new market. Tatia's brother Viktor, the new Pakhan, headed there at once while Belen stayed in Russian to continue looking for clues. All they wanted was to find Tatiana, make sure she was safe, and then smite every last foul worm who had a hand in her disappearance. But all they were able to do in the meantime was take their frustrations out on the scum of Russia's underbelly. Until Viktor sent word that Tatia was, indeed, in Amsterdam... and a prisoner of the fallen angels who had so recently declared war. The angel has now arrived in the city alongside the middle Valentina child Dimitri, determined to save their ward and punish whoever thought it wise to take her from them, no matter the cost.

Hmu for plots and such!

[itsdanystormborn]

Orient 2 Full Translation.

Orient 2 Spoilers

This is only a fan translation. Don’t forget to support the official releases of Orient, Shinobu Ohtaka and Weekly shounen magazine.

►[Please don’t repost without giving credits. If you use this translation, don’t forget to share the link to this post!]◄

Thank you to @midenm for the preliminary info. You can find the scans in @soreita‘s blog!

Orient 2 : “Malevolent God”

Color Page

The 2nd of this new series! with 50 pages that include color pages!

In the next page there is a  special feature article which consists on a fully detailed explanation about the world of “Orient” 

Story 2: “The malevolent Gods” 

  Turn the world upside down !!

Page 79

Check the 2 previous color pages first!!

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Textbox:

9 years ago. Tatsuyama town.

----

  ----

TN: This is a flashback to Kojiro’s past. It shows us a scene that took placec at School.A little boy is being scolded by a teacher because he forgot his homework.

----

Sensei: Very bad, Gorou-kun! You forgot your homework! didn’t you?

Gorou: I’m sorry, Sensei!

 Sensei: Go stand in the hallway. You will receive the “Samurai penalty” as punishment!!

 ---

TN: Gorou stands in the hallway with a katana hanging off his neck and an apron that has “bushi” (Samurai) written over it”

---

.

Gorou: I’m so embarrassed…

Girl: Ew! He’s wearing a Kanata just like the “Samurai”

Boy: HIHIHI!, he is!

 ----

TN: Kids start looking towards Kojirou while they gossip (SFX: chira chira) Kojirou is on his seat, with a real katana chained around his body. What are you doing to my bby you monsters…

----

 Sensei: All right everyone, don’t look towards Kojiro! It’s time we resume the class! Open your books from the chapter about “*Oda Nobunaga’s misdeeds” ….

---

TN: (*Oda Nobunaga is a famous daimyou from the Sengoku era. Please read about him!)

---

   Page 80

---

TN: Kids keep looking at Kojirou and making fun of him, while he’s looking upset on his seat. He holds the Katana with one hand, while he writes with the other and tries not to look up.

---

 Kanemaki Kojirou (6)

 ---

TN: Later, at Kojirou’s house. Kojirou is in the garden, and he’s very upset; he throws the Katana to the ground ( it’s still chained to his body) and then he sits next to it, hiding his face in his arms.

---

Kojirou: This damn thing !!!       (TN: The kanji is that from “Katana” but the furigana says ”thing”)

Kojirou: I don’t wanna wear the stupid Katana anymore! Why did I have to come from a “Samurai household” ….?                                                                              

 ---

TN: Someone calls Kojirou…

---

Person: Kojirou

   Page 81

---

TN: Kojirou’s dad!! He’s so cute!! Pretty eyebrows and cool scar on his face. He has his Kanata chained around his body too. 

He gets closer to Kojirou ( who is crying.. ) and tries to calm him down caressing his head.

---

 *Kanemaki Jisai. Kojirou’s Father                      

(TN: *Kanemaki Jisai is the name of a real person, please read about him)

 Jisai: Come here…. I’ll tell you a secret story.

Kojirou: Father…

  ---

TN: Inside their house, they sit facing each other

---

Jisai: You see…

The “Demons” are monsters. They are not guardian gods at all.

The only warriors who fight them are the “Samurai”

 Kojirou: “Samurai” …

 Jisai: That’s right… They are *our ancestors.                        (TN: “yours and mine”)

---

TN: But Kojirou doesn’t look convinced by these words.

---

 Kojirou: ….

Jisai: ….

  Page 82

Jisai: Kojirou… I know what kind of disgusted looks you receive every day in town…

All because you have inherited my blood….    (TN: because you are my successor)

 Jisai: … I’m sorry.

 Kojirou: ….. …..

Kojirou: Don’t say that, Father…

 Jisai: But I want you to know this…  While the adults of this country abandoned their pride and gave up on fighting against the “Demons” …

Jisai: The “Samurai” are the only ones who continue fighting in order to restore the human world….

 Jisai: Kojirou…..

You are not scum.

 Jisai: You are the descendant of a *brave and highly proud household.

Please don’t forget that.                  (*TN: Brave/Heroic)

 Kojirou: …. ….

Kojirou: Yes Father….

 ---

TN: And then, Jisai takes the Katana that’s chained around Kojirou.

---

Jisai: And about that….

Kojiro: ?

  Page 83

---

TN: Jisai pridefully holds the Katana in fron of him while he speaks to Kojiro

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 Jisai: A Katana is a Samurai’s “pride” itself.

Jisai: Don’t lose it!　　　

 ---

TN: And then, Jisai hands the katana back to Kojiro, who accepts it with tears in his eyes. 

---

 Kojirou’s thoughts: A katana is a Samurai’s pride…

Kojirou’s thoughts: …. Is that how it is?

  ---

TN: Then, someone interrupts the scene… I wonder who that might be? ;D

---

 Musashi: Hey Kojirou! Let’s do some *fencing training!!

 ---

TN: Kojirou looks at Musashi while he tries to hide his tears, cleaning them with his hands. then he starts scolding him for just barging in. Jisai looks very amused!

*Fencing/Swordsmanship

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  Page 84

Kojirou:  I’ve told you not to barge in so rudely!

Jisai: HAHAHA! It looks like you’ve recently made a fencing friend !

Kojirou: He’s such a weird guy…

Jisai: What did you tell me his name was?

 Kojirou: … … ….

“Musashi”

  ---

TN: This scene throws us back to the present!  The people are really scared of the Oni ( Oni chase them), Musashi is slicing some more Oni in half. Then he jumps on Kojirou’s motorcycle. 

---

Page 85

Musashi: Take this!!!

 ---

TN: They run over some Oni and people run away from the mess

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 People: Uahh!

 Officer: Our lord, the *God demon, has arrived! Retreat for now!

(TN:Kishin)

   Page 86 

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TN: Musashi and Kojirou ride in the motorcycle towards the Kishin. there’s some more oni in their way. Ohhh they are gonna get slain!

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Text box: 151# kiho school year. Tatsuyama’s mine prospective employees. Entrance ceremony.   (TN: Kiho *demon support/ demon protect)

   Kojirou: I’m surprised nonetheless!

Musashi: About what, Kojirou!?

Page 87

Kojirou: About the fact that “Demons” were truly monsters! I reached the point where I trusted in the town’s common sense.

Kanemaki Kojirou (15)

Kojirou: They say “Demons are guardian gods”!

Musashi: I’ve believed in your dad’s story all along! He said that “Demons are scoundrel, Samurai are heroes”!!

Musashi (15)

Musashi: I’m so excited!! Now we’ll finally be able to fulfill that vow we made 5 years ago!!

 Flashback: When we become adults, let’s become “Samurai”. We’ll form a “*Samurai group” and start a journey to exterminate the demons!

---

TN: *bushidan.

TN: Kojirou doesn’t look so sure..

---

 Kojirou: …..

Kojirou: Yeah..

 Musashi: We’ll make a name for ourselves in this world with nothing less than our own swords!!

Kojirou: hmm…

So, about being a “Samurai”….

 Musashi: “hmm… So about being a Samurai”!? What’s wrong, Kojirou?

Page 88

 Kojirou: Well…..

Kojirou: To put it frankly….

  Kojirou:  I don’t care….

Kojirou: About becoming a “Samurai”

 Musashi: …..

Musashi: Huh?

 Musashi: Why are you saying this, Kojirou!?

Weren’t you excited too just a moment ago!?

 Kojirou: Well, I let myself be carried away in the moment and I ended up saying “Yeah”!

Kojirou: If I think about it well… I’ve thought about wanting to leave this town all along, but…

Kojirou: I’ve forgotten how it felt…. Wanting to become a “Samurai” and exterminate the “Demons” …

  Page 89

Musashi: ….

Kojirou: Even if I say “The Samurai” are heroes, I don’t find the idea very appealing.  ( TN: “it doesn’t hit home”)

Kojirou: Not even finding success in the world with the katana does…

Kojirou: A Katana is not such a great thing….

Musashi: ….

Musashi: Kojirou…

 ---

TN: Musashi looks at Kojirou, like waiting for him to say something or understand what he means

---

Musashi: ….

Kojirou:….

 ---

TN: They look at each other

---

 Musashi: Hu-huh?

 Kojirou: Wha- What’s with that face?

Musashi: Anyway, we’re already at the summit of the mountain, so let’s beat that “*God demon”  (TN:* Kishin)

Kojirou: Did you even listen to what I just said?

   Page 90

 Kojirou: I said that I don’t care about being a “Samurai” or about the “Demons” anymore!!!

Musashi: It’s all right.

Kojirou: Because you’ll definitely get it when you do it.

Koujiro’s thoughts: I’ll get what?

Koujiro’s thoughts: Why is this guy being so pushy?

 ---

TN: they reach the summit and…. Is that a chicken-like demon or what? xD

---

 Kishin: HOO.!

  Page 91

Musashi: Is this thing a “God demon”!?

The “chief” of the demons can’t be this little thing!!

 Kojirou: Don’t let your guard down!

Musashi: I know!

 ---

TN: So, Musashi cuts the chicken kishin  in half

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  Page 92

Kojirou: Are you done? Then, let’s leave town right away….

Musashi: Noo! It’s not dead yet!!

 ---

TN: It’s mutating!

---

Page 93

Musashi:  It revived!?  What do we have to do to beat a “God demon”?

---

TN: Officers come in with a lot of metal to feed the kishin. Carriage says “offerings”

---

 Officers:  Our Lord, God Demon!!

Musashi&Kojirou: ..!?

Officer: Please enjoy these metals that we present you as an offer!

---

TN: The chicken kishin  eats the metal. And Kojirou points at something

---

  Musashi: What’s that? That thing is eating the metal….

Kojirou: LOOK!!

 Page 94 and 95

---

TN: …. HOLY KISHIN!  the chicken demon evolved into…. A super thing!

---

Musashi& Kojiro: A… AHH…!!!

  Page 96&97

Page 98

KISHIN (God Demon) “ENGOKUTENGU” (TN: Which would be something like “hellfire goblin”)

Musashi&Kojirou: It’s… It’s huge!!!

  Page 99

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TN: So, the thing crushes its foot on the ground and everything flies away. It does crazy and starts to destroy everything. Miners run away from the mess

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  Page 100

 White hair boy: Wha….

Dark hair boy: Wha…

White hair boy: What is this monster!!?

  Page 101

Miners: Hii…

Lord, God Demon… Please calm down...

 Officer: Oh! Lord, God Demon… After 5 years you’ve revealed us your true form...!!

---

TN: Meanwhile Musashi is unconscious on the floor from when the Kishin went crazy and started to destroy everything, and Kojirou has to face this by himself. He stands up, supporting himself with his katana.

---

Kojirou: T….

This….

  Page 102

Kojirou:  Is this… a “God Demon”?!!

 Kojirou’s thoughts: It’s too big, fighting him is out of question! Either way, better to retreat for now.

---

TN: But Kojiro realizes Musashi is still unconscious. Then he looks back at the kishin and holds his katana in position.

---

 Kojiro: Musashi….

 ---

TN: But the kishin is standing right in front of them! He opens his mouth ready to… eat them?

---

Kojirou: will we be eaten!?

  Page 103

 ---

TN: But the kishin takes him by the katana, with his claws!!! And slowly lifts him.

---

Kojirou: !? This thing wants my Katana!?

 Some guy: IDIOT! The katana is made of metal too, so he’ll eat it! Throw away that Kanata as fast as you can!!

 Kojirou’s thougths: Did he say I should throw away…..

Kojirou’s thougths:  My katana…?

 ---

  Page 104

---

 TN: BUT instead of doing that, Kojiro tries to free himself and his katana of the kishin’s gold, pulling it towards himself with strength!

---

The guy from before: huh!?

Same guy: That guy…

Why is that katana so important to him!?

 Another guy next to him:  who knows… I can’t understand what this Samurai guy is thinking!

 ---

TN: Meanwhile. With Musashi and the 2 boys that I wish had a name so I could stop writing dark and white hair every time….

---

Both boys: Are you all right? Musashi!?

Musashi: *looks up*   Ko.. Kojirou…

  Page 105

---

TN: Musashi looks at Kojirou struggling to free his katana out of the kishin’s hold!. Meanwhile, Kojirou has an internal monologue.

---

Kojirou: Throw away my katana….!?

Certainly… It’s this thing’s fault that I’ve received disgusted looks since long ago…!!

 Flashback:

Officer: Aki’s military laws, article 9, clause 3!

In order to identificate them, the people who belong to “Samurai households”, will be forced to carry their katana!

(TN: “Akishohatto”. Aki: Hiroshima’s former name and the rest “shohatto” makes reference to “bukeshohato” which are a series of laws/ regulations for warrior (samurai) households)

Officer:  “Samurai households” Are the great sinners of the Sengoku era.

Girl: really!

  Page 106

More flashbacks: TN: People gossip about Kojirou.

People: A child of a “Samurai household”…

People: A “Samurai” household offspring!

 Kojirou’s thoughts: Even so…

Kojirou’s thougths: This is my father’s keepsake.

Kojirou’s thoughts: this Katana is with me in every single one of my happy memories…

--- Flashbacks: Jisai watching Musashi and Kojirou play

Musashi: Kojirou! Let’s do some fencing training!

Kojirou: Father! Today I did 100 practice swings and 100 counterattacks!

Musashi: I did 10 more than him!

Kojirou: And then, I did 10 more than him!!

  Page 107

More flashbacks: Kojirou and Jisai training.

Kojirou: 1!, 2!, 3!, 4!

Kojirou: Father… Why when I swing the katana, I feel like clinging tightly to it?

Jisai: That’s due to the “Samurai” warrior blood that flows through your body…

  Page 108

Kojirou: Even if I lose this… I won’t die.

But, I feel like i’ll end up loosing something too precious to me...!!

 Flashback- Jisai: “A Katana is a Samurai’s pride itself, don’t lose it!”

Kojirou: That’s why…

I’ll never let it go!!!

  Page 109:

Kojirou: Give it back…

  Page 110:

 Kojirou: It’s mine…!

--

TN: But the kishin is finally able to take the katana off kojiro’s hands and it’s about to eat it!

--

Page 111

--

TN: And the kishin eats it…

--

People: …. ….

Guy: Oh boy! He ate it…

White hair boy: well…  Never mind! To lose 1 Katana or 2 it’s nothing…

Kojirou: …..

  --

TN: But Kojirou is in despair ☹

--

 Kojirou: Damn it…!

Page 112

 --

TN: But then, Musashi runs towards the kishin with the pickaxe katana ready to attack.

--

 White hair boy: Musashi!? What is that guy planning to do!?

Dark Hair boy: He’s trying to take that “God Demon” by himself!? There’s no way he can match it, he’ll die!!

Page 113

--

TN: Musashi climbs the kishin. Stands on its… stomach?

---

Musashi: It’s here inside, huh?

 White hair boy: He’s standing over the God Demon’s stomach…!?

Kojirou: !

Kojirou:  No way he’ll….

  Page 144

--

TN: Musashi does his move…

---

  Page 115

--

TN: The kishin tries to fight back.. but Musashi avoids the hit on time.

---

  Officer: HAHAHA!! It’s heaven’s punishment! That’s what you get for annoying our lord, the God Demon, while he eats his meal!

Musashi: … “Our lord, The God Demon”, huh ?

Musashi: … That Katana belongs to Kojirou…!

  Page 116

Musashi: watch me smash your dirty guts!!!

  Page 117

--

TN: Wow... he landed a big hit, the stomach sort of cracks…! Kojirou is shook too haha. The kishin screams!

---

White hair boy:  Is the “God Demon” screaming!?

Kojirou: …. Musashi …

  Page 118

--

TN: Musashi keeps landing blows on the kishin’s stomach.

---

Officer:  What should we do? This is becoming dangerous for our lord, the God Demon!!

Officer 2: It’s all right, there’s no way that guy has the strength to break him by himself!

--

TN: Then the kishin gets really mad and tries to smash Musashi. But he ends up punching himself xD

---

Officer: Oh… Our lord, God Demon, you must calm down your anger…. You are punching your own body..!!!

  Page 119

--

TN: Musashi keeps hitting until its stomach breaks. Ew… guts! Musashi goes to take a swim inside the kishin’s gusts and his friends get worried.

---

White&dark hair boy: Musashi!!!

White hair boy: is… Is he dead…!!?

Kojirou: Musashi…

--

TN: But then there’s a little movement among the liquid insides of the kishin.

---

  Page 120&121

 --

TN: Musashi lives and he has Kojirou’s katana!

---

  Page 122

--

TN: RIP Kishin. Musashi walks towards his friends with the katana in hand. Then he stands in front of Kojirou.

---

Kojirou: ….

Musashi: Here

Musashi: You dropped this!

 --

TN: Then he hands it to Kojirou, who gets sentimental.

---

 Kojirou: …

  Page 123

Kojirou: Tha- Thank you

Kojirou:  This is…. super important …

Musashi: I know! It’s something precious to you!

Musashi: Don’t lose it!

 --

TN: So… right in the kokoro? Musashi repeats Jisai’s words from the past…

---

Kojirou: !!

Kojirou: ah!!

 Flashback- Jisai: Kojirou…

You are not scum

You are the descendant of a brave and highly proud family.

And, about this…

  Page 124

Flashback- Jisai: A Katana is a Samurai’s “pride” itself…. Don’t lose it!

 Kojirou: …!

 Flashback: Jisai&Kojirou

Kojirou: Father… Why when I swing the katana, I feel like clinging tightly to it?

Jisai: That’s due to the “Samurai “warrior blood that flows through your body…

  Kojirou’s thoughs: I see…!

Kojirou’s thoughts:  My precious possession… Since I was born I’ve had this proud feeling

This is something I don’t want to lose!

I didn’t notice it myself but…

 Flashback to the beginning of the chap: Musashi&Kojirou

Kojirou: I said I don’t care about being a “Samurai” anymore!

Musashi: It’s all right! You’ll definitely get it when you do it!

  Page 125

 Kojirou’s thoughts: This guy knew, huh….

 Musashi: Phew, I’m so glad!

  Page 126

--

TN: Dead kishin lies dead there…

---

 Musashi:  This guy’s…. not moving huh…. It means we won!?

Kojirou:  Let’s get out of this town before we get into trouble….

 Musashi:  Yeah! By the way, what is this weird horse-like thing!?

 Kojirou: No idea! It was my father’s…. I wonder what could it be?

--

TN: OHHHH YES! In that moment, more “weird horses” ( lol) approach the scene! It’s seems like a bushidan ( samurai group) will make their entrance!  

---

 Narration: A warrior group riding metal horses approaches! The rebelion is unavoidable!!

Continues on next issue: “ Bushidan ( Samurai group) raid”

   ..

.

.

.

----------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading!

[chickpeajones]

Why the Serpents Deserve Better

Serpents Development In S2

a novel by me

Throughout Riverdale S1 the Southside Serpents are demonized and portrayed as thugs who just cause trouble. However, in S2 we get to see the bond between the Serpents and how in the end they are just as human and the Northsiders.

1. When Southside High is shutdown (E10)Toni, Sweet Pea and Fangs are all ecstatic to go a school (Riverdale High) that have actual educational resources.

• Fangs joins the production of Carrie: The Musical (S2 E18). South Side High (SSH) barely had textbooks, I doubt they had a theater program readily available for students. Fangs, almost immediately after transferring, takes advantage of the opportunities at Riverdale High.

• Despite the tension between the Bulldogs and the Serpents, we see that Sweet Pea, Toni, Fangs and pretty much all of the Serpents, comply to Weatherbees rule of no gang affiliated tattoos or attire must be visible in school. They are willing to put their pride to the side in order to recieve a valuable education.

not to mention that my bby sweetpea looked like a WHOLE mf snickity snackity in that turtle neck and khakis

Sweet Pea/Toni dialogue towards Jughead (E10)

Toni: “A school closed down..”

Sweets: “A crappy school.”

Toni: “ Yeah. And now we’re at a better one. The computer lab and textbooks...”

Sweet: “ And toilets that flush.”

Toni: “Getting transfered to Riverdale High is the best thing that could’ve happened.”

Sweet: “Maybe ever.”

Toni: “So, if I have to take off my jacket, 8:30 to 3:00, Monday through Friday..hey I’m down with that.”

2. The bond between the Serpents is more than just a gang but a family.

In unity there is strength

• After shes Jughead seeks legal advice from Penny Peabody, she insists that it’s a favor and that he’ll pay her back in the form of a “favor”. Since FP was in prison for the time being she added his list of dues to Jug’s.

- Penny reaches out to Jug and incentivizes him by saying FP was jumped by ghoulies and needs money. for his case. She then offers him a one time delivery job, where he’d pick up a crate and drop it to an address in Greendale, she referred to it as pancake mix.

- After the delivery Jug soon finds out that Penny had lied about 2 things.

1.) FP had not been jumped by Ghoulies.

2.) The one-time delivery job had become full time.

If Jughead fails to comply she’ll release the footage of the delivery to the Sherrifs Office.

-After FP is released from prison, Penny reaches out to Jug to complete another job and he calls it quits but she uses Betty Cooper as collateral.

- As Penny is awaiting FP’s arrival to complete a delivery Jughead as well as other Serpents including Sweet Pea, Fangs Fogarty and Toni Topaz snatch her ass and bring her to a spot in Greendale.

-Penny laughs in their faces while revealing her Serpents tattoo, stating that Serpent law prohibited them from hurting one of their own.

-HOWEVA. t’was time that she learned that a tattoo doesn’t make her a Serpent, especially since she hadn't been honoring their ways.

-She was then held down by Sweet Pea and Toni as Jughead pulled out a knife, and forcefully removed her tattoo with said knife.

*Although the Serpents are seen as thugs and monsters they still have morals and if one of their own is not being treated right, even by another Serpent, they will take the risk to protect one another.

• A short while after these events the Serpents are slapped in the face with eviction notices and need Penny’s legal help to combat it. AND THEN PENNY PISSBODy comes back (thanks to Tall Boy) and demands Jughead be kicked out of the Serpents in return for her assistance.

“Blood for blood. An eye for an eye. I want back in with the Serpents and him kicked out. Oh yeah, one last thing, I want his tattoo carved off, and I want to do it myself with a dirty knife.”

- Penny to FP on what her cost is

- They plan to conduct a vote Penny vs Jughead

IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL, it is found that Tall Boy is the one who cut off the Pickens statue head after being paid off by, wait for it, Hemorrhoids Hiram Lodge. His and Penny’s plan to overthrow FP as leader were then revealed. In true Serpent manner they exile their sorry asses.

3.) Who gonna call? Serpents

cringe, im deleting my account now

•The Serpents come to the rescue when Betty and Alice are caught in Chic’s messy crime.

recap: Chic kills Dwayne, his drug dealer, and his crackhead girlfriend comes lurking and plans to blackmail them for some coint.

-Betty aint no fool, and technically is a Serpent given she did the dance. When she goes to the bank she informs Jug of her problemo.

-She then returns home and once the tall bald landlord threatens Betty.

BOOM. IN COME THE SERPENTS SAVING THE DAY ONCE AGAIN.

it’s a bird. it’s a plane. it’s...sweat pea’s fine ass

anyways I can go on and on about how much better the Serpents are portrayed in season 2 compared gk s1, but I won’t.

The Serpents deserve the world tysm.

Feel free to message me more examples or add on yourself.

[icharchivist]

OKAY so a Champion of the Just completed later, after hearing a lot of people recommanding it over In Hushed Whispers because it's "better to play" i finished it and i must admit i'm disappointed.

Okay so big thoughts eventually, and it may be full of bad faith because I really like IHW and when people compare something i like to something I don't know my bias become stronger, but those were basically my Hot Takes (NOTE: all of it is biased af, i mean it as "pros for Me" "Cons for ME" this is not a judgement of the quality of the quest in general)

Also under the cut bc damn i love complaining

Pros:

-The Concept of Envy. As a demon, it is incredibly cool, and I am mesmerized by what it can mean, of how many Envy Demons may actually exist, this kind of things. The gameplay inside of Envy's world was amazing, and the scenes to manipulate the Inquisitor were all really, really chilling. (but i'll go back on it more later for others reasons). Makes me want to see another Envy Demon in game, in a plotline that is more accessible.

-Cole's scenes. Cole introduction was great, Cole coming to help was great, Cole coming at the war table was amazing. All was fun and I love how his speech patern present itself. He's such an interesting characters in general.

-Ser Barris. True mvp. He was sweet and kind and I feel like he represented more what the Order should have been about instead of what it ended up being. Although i'm upset he can legit die this easily fuck this.

-Overrall nothing new is learnt tbh, but I am chilled by the line about "they often make us test different kind of lyrium" about the templars habits. This bring a whole new level of fucked up to the whole thing.

-Some of Envy's manipulations were actually very insightful on my character and made me understand her a little better, which i always appreciate. Being able to explore my character is always a welcomed thing.

-Bull has a very funny line when it comes to talking about Envy when you don't take him along.

-Cole's feeling toward the breach are kind of interesting, and i don't think it's that much mentioned when he comes after you closed the breach in the IHW run.

Eehhhhs (Not Pros but Not Cons either):

-The whole gameplay with the Templars holding the barrers. I've seen people complain that IHW had a dull playthrough and i think it may be because it's compared to that. Indeed, that was an interesting idea, but i hate going against the clock and in the end it didn't bring anything too interesting.

-Thematically speaking, the Envy quest tries to do with Cullen what the Future Quest did with Leliana: ie, showing the player how they would react to catalystic events reminding them of desperate times. Leliana was her loss of faith after the tortures she endured and her "failure" (it's not your fault bby), and Cullen was how, after he rebelled against the Envy!Inquisitor he feels he deserves to suffer if it is that he was too blind to realize he was serving another tyrant.. Both are things that can resonate a lot with both of those characters. Thematically it's coherent.

The problem though is that for Leliana, it was the Future: it was FACTS. It was actually happening. And by sacrificing herself to have you get back in the past, she gained her faith, at least in you, again to help you.

For Cullen, it makes absolutly no sense Envy shows that (more in a moment) and it doesn't actually happen to Cullen but to an illusion. So the impact is completely dull, even if i think it was intended just as much as fact value as Leliana's.

Cons:

-Here I go: Envy is a freaking moron oh my god. That destroys absolutly the full amazing concept, Envy is so much a moron.

Envy is supposed to serve for exposition the same way the timetravel quest does, but it backfire so badly. Alexius ended up making you travel in time because he wanted to erase you from the timeline, and if i recall, you weren't sent too far in time thanks to Dorian. Anyway, Alexius didn't expect it to happen this way - what you learn in the future are actual facts of the plans of Corypheus: you learn that he murdered Celene, that he unleashed demons, ect... but you learn them because /It happened/. Plus there are the chilling moments with the sky being clearly opened. ("It used to be that only dwarves were afraid of the sky, now it's just common sense")

But in this plotline, Envy is just a goddamn moron??? the justification is that Envy wants to see how you'll react to the things he shows you so he can impersonate you better but..... Then.... he ends up revealing the whole plan of Corypheus... just to see your reaction... while he's still planning on being a tyran at your place anyway so it's not like he'll be in character doing that.

This is SO STUPID and it takes out of the experience completely to me. Because it's just that Envy is such a moron, how did Corypheus trust him with anything??? that's so stupid, oh my god, so stupid.

Like, I don't completely fault the writting per se, bc I do think Envy would be that stupid (the concept being that he always wants more to impersonate someone, ye, makes sense) but it removes a lot of the weight you get in IHW.

In IHW I was terrified that this future may happen. In CotJ I was just angry that Envy believed it could happen, and that he would think no one would notice him being an idiot.

-Cole's involvement. It kinda sucks since I just said i loved his scenes, but this is just..... so weird. Dorian was involved in the mage quest because his Master was the one who put this trouble, and he wanted to help the mages. Cole was there for reasons totally indepedant from the templars, and his involvement is completely about helping you against Envy and that's it. Even him coming back later feels a little out of place and a little forced?

Or at least it feels so when the alternative is known. IHW feels much, much more natural, with him coming because he realized the threats, felt it, and tbh I find him being confusing even worse when the Templars are basically assaulting us - and him being a support for Roderick makes so much poetic sense in a way that it wouldn't as much with Dorian (especially with Cole reminding Roderick his own thoughts and all).

So in CotJ it just feels.... a little out of place in general?

-The companions almost bring completely nothing to the plot orz. I had Cass, Viv and Solas and Cass and Viv had a few little sidecomments that were neat, but in comparaison to IHW this was lacking. 

-Hell the whole emotional impact of the Future of IHW is far better.

-The templars involvement was weird. The Red Templars were antagonists sure, but since the focus was so much on Envy it was really distracting from what was happening to the Templars. It was more balanced out in IHW.

-I still hate the Templar Order and this quest didn't make me like it at all. The result of having them joining the inquisition are underwhelming, but that's mostly bc i dismantled them. Still though I've never felt this disliked by the Advisors, yet three out of four of the advisors were against me allying with the mages and they were much more graceful about it than they were with the whole dismantling the Templars thing. 

-I went from them being sweet and soft with me to them being disappointed with me the templar run is hell.

-Speaking of bad, something i mentioned before, but ti's basically confirmed that even while dismantled the Templars are still looking for ways to controle the mages even against Cullen's and Cass's orders. I hate the Templars so damn much. It remplaces a scene which were just showing a mage complain because they were cold. Kinda shows their priorities.

Long story short, I think it is definitly worth a try in term of gameplay because there are some interesting stuff, but even without speaking about how i'm morally against the templars and that IHW is just more Morally Right, it just feels like it's less coherent in the narrative. Interesting to /play/ but not interesting to live in a timeline i'd say.

That's my Hot Take and i'm probably too harsh because I really liked IHW and saw a lot of people compare the two, and that i've played it non stop just to be just "that's.... it?" about it, so i guess i point out the flaws too much.

But ye, IHW ftw and now i get back to this real, better timeline thank u for your attention.

[heresjeonny]

EXO 101: A Crash Course

Park Chanyeol 

Soft baby by day, sexy mofo by night. Can do everything?? Sing, rap, dance, cook, act, write and produce music, play the guitar (classical, spanish, lead, and rhythm omg) and the piano and the drums, has the body of an elf king. He’s also AMAZING with children as shown [here - skip to 12:17 and WATCH you won’t regret it] and dogs too! All animals really. He’s Korean Snow White. With abs. And if Snow White was extra. 

Also the kindest soul ever. He’s always smiling, even when he’s down. He literally said, and I quote; “No matter how difficult something is, I will always be positive and smile like an idiot.” His then-girlfriend nicknamed him “Happy Virus.” Constantly buys his members gifts, is very tall (well over six feet), and he’s the most extroverted and sociable person - actually friends with everyone. 10/10 amazing human.  

Byun Baekhyun

Don’t let him fool you!!! He looks soft but he will fuck you up with his cheeky lil smile and pelvic sorcery and unearthly vocals and uGH. His wit is unparalleled like omg, so sassy and hilarious and sharp. Also a huge nerd when it comes to anime, manga, and video games. Once gave a picture of himself to another member as a gift, the lil shit.  

He’s incredibly passionate about his career and his members, and I think it was Kyungsoo who said that it’s Baek who keeps them all together at times. In summary: Byun Baekhyun is what happens when a demon and an angel do the do. 

D.O./Do Kyungsoo:

Do Kyungsoo? More like Do Me, Kyungsoo. I’m sorry I’m so thirsty Ksoo...I don’t even know where to begin with this one. First of all, he single-handedly saved the human race from extinction with his voice. He’s savage af, so much so that he’s affectionately nicknamed “Satansoo” and he will smack a bitch. He’s also so soft and squishy at the same time, you’ll get whiplash. And his acTING. Lord in heaven. And I believe he didn’t even have acting lessons?? The nerve of him. He, too, is sex on legs, and he might be quieter than the others, but y’all best listen when he talks cause boy bout to spill the tea. 

He’s also very paternal in that he takes care of the other members a lot, like when Kai, his roommate, isn’t feeling well, he’ll care for him or go out to get food for him. And he can cook really well. I’m gonna stop now before I end up writing an entire dissertation ;’)

Lay/Zhang Yixing

ALSO NOT PURE ABORT ABORT THIS IS NOT A DRILL. 

Oh my god. Anyway. Zhang Yixing is the perfect contradiction. On the one hand, he’s an actual baby lamb - laugh and all. On the other hand, he’s the human embodiment of the NC-17 rating. Like, hide yo kids. Yixing is also one of the Chinese members of EXO, so he often leaves to promote his solo music which is in Chinese, and he works so incredibly hard and deserves all the success. He also writes the lyrics, and composes and arranges the music! 

And...his dancing. Proof that god exists. There is literally no part of his body that Yixing does not have absolute command over - and you can see it because he is so precise, confident, and sexy. :’) 

Suho/Kim Junmyeon

I actually had to cover his face while writing this because holy--

Yup. Moving on. 

Actually, back to his face (and the rest of him): Remember when Da Vinci was conceptualizing the Vitruvian Man (lol only 90′s kids will remember...1490′s kids, that is). You know that picture of the guy with another pair of arms and legs superimposed on him, inside a circle? The drawing theorizing the ideal proportions of the human body? Yup, true story: Junmyeon was Da Vinci’s muse. Suho’s face is so symmetrical, it inspired mathematicians to write the golden ratio. He is a genetic miracle, a statistical outlier, a national treasure--

Anyway *sweats*. ALSO. Let’s talk about his personality. Myeon is the mom of EXO, the leader, so he’s naturally very parental. He actually chose the stage name “Suho” because it means guardian. He always does his best to keep his kids the members together and doing what they need to be doing. Always pays for things ($Junmoney$), and is the person a lot of them confide in and go to for comfort or advice, especially Sehun. 

He’s such a dad too - like his dad joke ratings are off the charts. 10/10 would build you a tree house and tuck you in at night. 

Oh Sehun

Maknae. Icon. Legend. Used to have a lisp. 

People sometimes think he’s cold or reserved because of his face, but as you can see in the gif, he’s literal sunshine. He once cried on stage because he was knocked on the head by a camera - but he wasn’t crying because the injury hurt, he was crying because he wasn’t allowed to perform because of it, and he felt like he was disappointing his fans. He also cried during a radio show when asked about his other members - he said every night before he falls asleep, he prays for them and he prays that they all stay together and are successful and happy. And now I’m crying. 

Everyone is in love with him. 

His dancing resurrected me from the dead, put my children through college, and ended world hunger because damn we are fed when that boy moves. 

Sehun was once invited to Paris for a Louis Vuitton fashion show and became king of France. I’m not kidding. All he did was show up, and there was a huge crowd already there to greet him as if he were royalty, and he was voted best dressed at the show by Vogue. He went to the Louvre, and people were studying and appreciating him, the actual art.  

Chen/Kim Jongdae

Ah, little dino bby. He’s iconic for many reasons: 

1) His smile. It curls up at the corners like this :}

2) When he laughs, he literally goes HAHAHAHAHA like wow, amazing, I want this as my ringtone

3) He screams a lot. Nickelodeon once made a show about him called Jongdae: The Last Pterodactyl. 

4) HIS VOCALS. Un-freaking-believable. He’s the male version of Mariah Carey. 

5) Speaks really good Chinese! (He’s Korean) 

6) An amazing human?? He donates to charity so often and he doesn’t do it for publicity either. He takes good care of the other members too. 

Jongdae, let me put a ring on it. 

Xiumin/Kim Minseok

HERE WE GO. My precious boy :’)

Minseok. The eldest. Also known as the best person to ever exist. Like Kyungsoo, he doesn’t talk much because he’s a shy lil bean, but once he warms up to you, the things that come out of his mouth are so deep and cute and funny and wowow I want ten of him

Is the least likely to cry

Was chubby (and so adorable!!) as a little kid, and now he has a six pack. Because of his weight as a kid though, he has spoken many times about the issue of body shaming and how people’s perceptions of a person shift based on how they look. He once said these words that made my cold, dead heart beat again: “I don’t have an ideal type. If our hearts match well, then she will look pretty to me.” 

Has the strongest arms in EXO. They all arm wrestled and he won and it was the funniest thing ever. 

Is not only an idol, he’s also getting his Ph.D. Dr. Kim. I can’t believe....

Wants to open his own coffee shop, and I don’t drink coffee, but I would chug any dish-water-coffee-grinds-filth that he would serve me because damn I love him. 

Kai/Kim Jongin

R00D MOTHERF*CKER. 

The Bias Wrecker. Or just your bias, plain and simple 

Kim Jongin is one of nature’s greatest accomplishments. His gams are the eighth wonder of the world - and he puts them to use when he dances, like please kick me in the face with those omfg 

His laugh. Astounding. Also don’t stand too close when he laughs because he will hit you. It’s just what he does lmao

He’s basically a hip young old man - so hot but so sleepy. He’ll sleep at any given opportunity. 

Very fond of fried chicken. And dogs. But not in terms of eating, for the latter

Learned ballet for ten years and it shows, and I just wANT TO SEE HIM IN A LEOTARD DAMMIT

He has darker skin than the other members which people used to make fun of him for and still do comment on, but he says he loves it and he is proud of his body :’) we are too bby!!

Other random facts: 

-  EXO originally had 12 members but 3 left and we’re not going to talk about it okay? okay

- Chen and Xiumin are married best friends. Xiumin actually said in an interview that Chen is “like my wife” 

- Sehun is now officially Lord Oh Sehun of Glencoe, Scotland because his fans are the most Extra and purchased the estate for his birthday :’) 

- Chanyeol once folded one hundred paper cranes for his girlfriend as a gift, but in the middle of doing this, she called him and broke up with him

- Baekhyun can’t cook for shit but at least he’s pretty 

- Kai dated F(X)’s Krystal 

- Kyungsoo once said to the camera that he is “not pure” 

- Yixing starred in a gay sci-fi movie where he and this other dude have a baby

- Suho is a health nut. Just like how girls always have pads and tampons on them, Suho has multivitamins 

For @the-porcelain-doll-xo because I’m the friend that wants to drag you into hell with me, and I can’t wait for you to get into EXO ahhhhh ily <33

[ber-bonfamille-lyons]

RP Questionnaire

in which lauryl rambles about all things rp (tw for incomplete sentences, odd punctuation, etc.)

Name: Lauryl Characters: leave me alone (ber, kiara, hades, mel, chester, milla, milo, nala, kiki, prince, pongo/paul, anita) Pick a thread from the past six months that you’re proud of and talk about why.

The Journey of Kiki Takayama: I loved this thread because it highlighted my bby Kiki! I’m really proud of Kiki’s character and her journey, both literal in this case and in the development~ way. I’ve been really poking at Kiki’s self-esteem issues, her pervasive depression, and I think this thread really brings a lot of those threads, and other threads, together. Like, the fact she brings Howl back to her by singing and dancing with the earworm she’d made for Patty (this sentence is nonsense to anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about). Like, that felt so natural to me-- that I could use her friendship with Patty, her earworwm thread with Hiro, and her history with Howl dancin’ to karaoke, to produce what I thought was this really silly-yet-serious-and-kinda-beautiful moment. To me, it was just very dynamic, and I’m proud.

Chester’s arc: I’m also really proud that I finally got to PULL THIS OFF AFTER SO LONG. I loved the pace of it overall, and Chloe really provided a lot of emotional depth by bringing Mitte along. Even though these two are ridiculous and full of hijinks, that question “What do these two mean to each other?” still followed them from para to para. And Mitte’s loyalty to Chester (or to chaos) has really solidified this strange friendship and helped launch the second part of this plot. Thus, this arc ran the gamut: light and ridiculous, serious and dark, tragic and comic.

Identify a challenge you’ve faced in this rp. Reflect on why this is a challenge for you. Are there any strategies you can develop to overcome this challenge?

Taking on too much hahahha: this is definitely my biggest challenge and even extends to the outside writing that I do. I’m an Idea Man. I’m a conceptual, out of the box, daydreamer-of-an-rper, who develops everything like, very top down, very chronic-plot-heavy, very BIG STAKES!! So usually every character has a Big Arc and I get really excited about these very big plots-- annnnnd then i have 13 very big plots and no way to balance them all along with all the plots i want to get involved in with the REST of the rp that kinda fall into my lap and i’m like omfg ahhhhhh.

What happens naturally is I prioritize characters over others. Ber, Hades, and Mel are my big kahunas who i do the most with. Chester’s gotten his time in the sunshine finally, god bless, and to a good extent, Kiki too. And Rajah got a lot of good stuff. But there are some babies that I haven’t done a lot of those Big things for. Milo for example lawd, MILO. I finally have this mummy plot but i’ve been trying to do more cave/merlin stuff for over a year now. I also wanna do so much MORE with Prince and with Nala and Paul, but they always get pushed to the side. Even the characters that I do more with get pushed to the side-- hi Hades !!

So how do I fix this? I mean, I can really prioritize, I can create schedules and hard deadlines that map out my plots for myself and keep me on track….buuuut if we’re honest rp is a collaborative hobby and hard deadlines are often soft, malleable deadlines.

I can also just, not plan as much and focus on more acute plots. Or: not have as many characters.

Gasp.

I know, someone needed to say it though. Also I could be a total hypocrite on this point because as we speak I have little plot seedlings growing jungles in my head. But something’s got to give. And so this is not a very clear answer but I think it’s sort of a combination of me being serious with my deadlines (or at least structure out plots the way we are doing on this questionnaire) instead of keeping all those Big big big plots in my head. I can also do less threads. The other part? Finishing off character’s arcs and letting them go, my darlings, so I can free up a lil more space for others. I did that with Rajah recently because I’d accomplished the biggest goals I had for him and soon I’ll be letting go of Chester and Milla too for the same reasons-- I’m closing up their stories. Course, I’ll probably pick up NEW characters like the hypocrite I am, but the point is: it’s good to know when to let your babies go, and I want to be the first person to encourage people to see their characters through to whatever end there is. 

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you! ) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Milla: When I first got Milla, I wanted a capital-v Villain and I wanted to use her for plot purposes mostly. I was fine with just being a tool in other people’s plots in other words, and I didn’t expect Milla to go anywhere. But Milla has surprised me, and it’s all due to the people who have drawn out new sides of Milla that I only suspected lay dormant. I love that I have both my daughters and an Ella (and gosh, I love that Bee was up for having Ella have this contentious relationship with Milla that was out of the house but still very much a “trap” of sorts, just a more modern day trap, ala money). I love her deliciously evil relationship with Taka.  I love that she’s gotten to be a lawyer for Gaston and other villains. I love that she’s become this dominatrix character with Flynn.  She’s still very set in her ways now, but finding how she became set in those ways through these interactions is some of the most interesting, different RPing I get to do. I love that how she twists her definition of mother on its head, I love that she is honestly so weary and lonely, I love that she has accepted a lot of that if only because of her age. I’m really proud of the depth I’ve achieved with her, so much so that I can write a terrible post and fully sympathize with her anyway. In fact...part of me honestly roots for her, and I think that’s how you should wanna feel for your villains, even if, at the end of the day, you know they must be thwarted.

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them for the rest of the year?

The Great Prince: Eeeee, my son. The Prince has always been a very distinctive voice for me and a much different story than many of my characters. Like Milla, he’s older, and in some ways a lot of his development is in backstory, which involves a fair amount of “uncovering” as I write. But unlike Milla, I fully intend Great Prince to grow and he’s doing so already. He’s blurring the lines between the forest and the town and sort of fully embracing the liminal aspects of his being. Like, yes, he’ll never really be a normal human, but he is still human; and yes, he might not be a true animal of the forest, but it’s still his home, and he wants to share it with people in a way he’s never really gotten to do.

I’m looking forward to forging stronger relationships with those he has already formed bonds with: Soleil, Bambi, Ella, etc. I would love to get more fairy relationships for him actually because I haven’t done a lot with that though I imagine Prince was raised by the fairies a lot more than he was his Father Prince, so I’d love to explore that dynamic. Send me ur fairies!!

I’m also looking forward to trying to do more forest plotty stuff. Maybe I can do this with Bambi if Bambi ends up embracing his powers more but I could also do this with FAIRIES if I do make more fairy friends!!

I also really want the Prince to start wrestling more concretely with the toxic rules he was raised under. I want him to realize he can change tradition, that the rules he hates don’t have to be the rules. As his relationships develop with key characters, I think the Prince will come in conflict with those rules (or I hope so) rather naturally.

AND finally, wow so long, I see the Prince mourning and letting go of Willow, finally. His memories of her have been the only really good ones in his life, so as he gets more good memories and makes relationships, he’ll be able to put Willow to rest for himself. Maaaaaaaybe, just maybe, he miiiight even let himself fall in love again (and that will help him wrestle with those toxic rules I was just talking about :D) 

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Alright, now pick an item from the Wishlist you completed in January that you’ve started to pursue. How far are you from completing this goal? Talk about the steps you took to make it happen.

Well, I made Chester’s entire arc happen! And it’s still kinda happening. It took a LOT of organizing on my part, and I sort of followed the same format as the mock plot included in this questionnaire. I plotted out paras and made sure I knew what partners I had to contact to help me. The London plot was all Mitte/Chloe, so that was very straightforward, though I should note I had to do a lot of one-shot writing because important events took place with just Chester.

Also moving forward, organizing the demon haunting threads has been a real fun challenge, because it’s such a weird animal. I’m lucky to have such enthusiastic partners who are willing to try this strange format with me, so shoutout to Sam who was instrumental in that, and to J and Pet for playing along. Also just Pet and MK in general for doing chatzies with me and staying patient. AND one last shoutout to Marina for freezing Anita’s heart! It’s been really refreshing for me to RP her and I love what it did for the plot overall.  IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Pick another item on your wishlist that hasn’t happened yet. We’re gonna do a MOCK-PLOT!!!

Great Prince + Forest stuff! Like I mentioned, I’d love to get a sideplot going with some of the forest natives sooo I’m literally pulling this outta my ass, check it:

Great Prince introduces Bambi to the Stone Trolls, during which the Stone Trolls complain about the Gummis

Therefore

Great Prince visits Gummis with Clarion for negotiations

But

Negotiations break down and the Stone Trolls kidnap someone (Soleil, Ella, Bambi) for ransom

Therefore

The Prince asks Goliath for help on a rescue mission.

This is the most hilarious plot if only bc the gummis are a thing that exist.

Finally: write a NEW wish list for the upcoming half of the year. It’s fine if you use a lot from your previous wish list if you still haven’t completed them and you still want to!

By character:

Mel: 

Explore momma mel-- this will sorta be through threads as I weave this event into Mel’s life. I also think this applies to getting an apprentice-ish figure for Mel which is kinda happening as she “mentors” some young Magicks (Celia, Jim, Ly).

Acknowledge her feelings for Howl and deal with that shit: dark squad is always Really High Magic, so I’d love to take ‘em down with a good ol confession scene or something idk. Or maybe Mel cries to someone else bc she has feelings for someone who can’t love her or idk maybe she goes on a rampage I dunno.

Ber: 

More music reviews. This was from my old list AND I’ve been doing more, so I just want to kinda continue on doing these and up my number mhm.

Produce someone’s music. I rly want Ber to get a partnership with someone sooo!! I’ll be on the look out.

Kiara: 

Date! I actually am here for this idea of Kiara dating Callie and maybe Alice too. Is Callie ok with that?? Idk we’ll see.

Figure out her passion for healthcare and women stuff!!! I think Kiara might end up like a nurse or a social worker related to like women’s healthcare so I dunno I’d like to somehow explore more of those threads, maybe make her do some sort of afterschool program. She’s still finding herself so!! It’s an important year for her coming up.

Hades: 

Uh. Use his fire lmao but rly this is an important goal and lowkey cant say anything more spoilers

Chester: spoilers

Milla: spoilers

Milo: 

Still want him to start looking OUT of Pride U and start thinking about what he really wants for his future.

Buuuut while he’s in Pride U, student stuff! Teacher apprentice?? Tutor?? Idk hit me up

Merlin Objects. Get dat seal in the cave yo

TALK ABOUT ISSUES WITH JANE

Nala: 

Still want Nala to have a one night stand/go on dates c’mon ppl I don’t get to explore romantic Nala a lot.

More female friends 

Kiki: 

Find Jiji, perform ceremony

Discover true nature of her powers, which will lead to ONE OF TWO SCENARIOS:

Embraces her powers

Decides to stop being a witch and go to university instead.

Would still like her to go on a date ok

Anita: 

Explore what a canon dearcliffe looks like????? I don’t know if this will actually happen like when all this shit calms down and Anita is unfrozen maybe Roger will be like bitch bye idk. But it would be interesting to see Anita finally embrace her real feelings and realize that she can be considerate but still assertive, and then get to see how the relationship actually operates after so. much. build-up.

Also I meeeaaaan she’s also been woken up for how BI she is, that’d be interesting to do more with. Especially if it was in the context of a budding relationship with Roger (tbd on that lol)

Would still like to do more art paras (looking at anna and annette for potential help with this-- maybe a louita (friendly) reunion would be nice too

Great Prince:

More forest plot stuff. I have some random ideas floating in my head and so i’d love to introduce the stone trolls i keep mentioning and have great prince share his forest home with ppl (like bambi and ella). Obviously some of this will happen as prince ‘trains’ bambi in his magic. Or I hope so.

Honestly…. Maybe...have him...do stuff...with..pride..u? He really loved being a professor and I could see him get more involved with the magizoology department! Maybe as a guest lecturer at times or he could lead groups of students? IDK we both just loved prof henthorn sooo bring! it! back!

Paul:

Make Paul go on dates. This is leftover from my old one but part of his journey~ involves putting himself back out there. It’s important for Paul to realize he’s not trapped or that being a dad isnt the end of his love life and he can’t really do that with Perdita (sorry Perdy).

Continue fixing his relationship with Perdy. That being said and counterintuitive perhaps to the last point, Paul does care about Perdy and wants to be good friends with her. I’d love some more co-parenting stuff when Perdy gets more comfortable with the babies because I am intrigued by that dynamic since they won’t be dating rn. At least i dont think they will.

UNIVERSITY i have a plan for this i gotta make it happen lol i suck

[nanostuffs]

Quotes 3/12/17 - 3/18/17

Be warned: Only the first quote is undertale fanficiton, and there’s a lot of alien shit in this one.

3/12/17 - True Courage Is Knowing... When To Spare A Life (Undertale Fanfiction)

Frisks favorite book in the whole world (and believe them, there were a lot of books) was The Hobbit. And sure, it was a very violent book, with a surprising amount of death for something considered a children’s novel, but there were some better points to it. Frisk loved that Bilbo learnt new things about himself, and yet at the end of the day was still the slightly fussy, and well put together hobbit he started as. Frisk liked that Bilbo didn’t know how to fight at the start of the journey, and used his wits to keep himself safe. Frisk saw a lot of themselves in Bilbo.

Gandalf said to Bilbo, true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. Frisk took that to heart, even when they ended up all the way down in the pit of monsters known as The Underground.

3/13/17 - It is Possible to Commit no Mistakes and Still Lose. That is Life.

I’mork watched the dark haired human curse and pull on the yarn she was working with, before reinserting her hook and fiddling with the yarn once again.

“Is it possible to not make a mistake?” the blue blob asked.

“Mistakes are a human thing,” Jane half shrugged, focusing on looping yarn around hook and pulling it though stitches to make more stitches.

“I meant more would it be possible to make a machine that does the same thing you do, and not have to worry about there being errors?” the blob slid in front of the couch where Jane was crocheting, leaving it’s slime trail behind it.

“Perhaps,” Jane replied, “But you realize it’s possible to end up with a bad product even if the designer made absolutely no mistakes, right? That’s just how life is sometimes.”

“Are you trying to be philosophical?” I’mork asked, “I don’t appreciate your attempts to dodge the question.”

“Well, I actually wasn’t,” the brunette shook her head, “But I guess that did sound kind of deeper than I meant it to. To answer your question, probably, but one would still need to know the basics of crochet in order to use it and have a nice result.”

3/14/17 - I’m a Doctor, not A…

“Khrelen, something’s wrong with the human!” I’mork shouted at the giant doctor.

“What’s the matter? Is she bleeding?” Krelen was quick to put their book down and stand.

“She’s crying, but shows no physical reason for it,” I’mork stayed close to the door, knowing better than to trail slime into the medical ward.

“Did she complain about being in pain?” Khrelen reached into a cabnet filled with vials of liquids.

“She said it’s not a physical pain like cramps,” I’mork said, “She said it’s psychological.”

“Well I don’t think there’s anything I can do then,” Khrelen shrugged and returned to her book.

“But you’re a doctor! You have to help!” I’mork cried.

“I’m a doctor, not a psychologist,” Khrelen glared at I’mork, “Now stop wasting my time and make sure the human doesn’t act out.”

“Her name’s Jane,” I’mork’s tentacles began to flail, “She’s 25  human years old. She likes  to read, write, crochet, and watch movies. She plays human video games and has a soft spot for Boxe because he is reminiscent of a furry mammal.”

“So?” Khrelen asked, “These are all facts about her. Another fact is that she is in emotional pain, and I do not know how to treat that. Now go cheer her up or something.”

“Fine!” I’mork left an extra large puddle of slime behind them.

3/15/17 - We Successfully Rescued You. You are Refusing to be Rescued. I Wanna Make That Clear.

“Hey, wait,” Jane dragged her feet as one of the three men dragged her towards the air lock.

“No time for waiting sweetheart,” the guy dragging her said, “If we don’t move quickly your captors are gonna wake up and we really don’t want that.”

“And I don’t think I want to go anywhere with you,” Jane attempted to free her arm from the man’s gasp by punching his hand, be he refused to release her. Thankfully her being dragged along was ended by the leader of the group stopping.

“Let me get this straight, you don’t want to leave?” He asked.

“They might have ‘captured’ me, but I feel safe here,” Jane growled, “Thank you for trying to rescue me, but it’s not needed.”

“We successfully rescued you! You are refusing to be rescued. I wanna make that clear.” The leader glared back at her.

“Well then we’re all clear,” Jane shrugged, “Tell whoever you report to that Jane Crow is happier in the company of aliens than humans.”

Her am was immediately released, and she was pushed away from the group of three. She watched as they escaped the ship through the air lock. She knew she’d have to get back to the room her aliens had kept her locked in, but for now she could watch her last thought of returning to humanity drift away from the ship.

3/16/17 - Maybe you've heard of it: Foodfight! is the worst movie ever made! (The Flop House, Episode 138)

Jane found that she had a soft spot for listening to podcasts while crocheting. It was soothing to listen to two guys make fun of a bad movie while she did her own thing. It reminded her of home, and while it did make her feel more homesick, it also made the pain of not being able to go home dissipate.

3/17/18 - “... They Lost My Luggage, It’s the One Thing I Lost on This Trip!”

“You’ve been doing pretty well,” Thalia watched as her much shorter friend slice a sword through a dummy.

“I should hope so,” Canica stabbed the dummy again, “I placed first in every event here. I placed first in that sprinting session, first in the eating contest, first in the singing contest, and first in the spell casting contest.”

“Is there anything you haven’t won?” Camila asked her teammate.

“The carriage with my luggage got lost on the way up here. They lost my luggage; it’s the one thing I lost on this trip.”

3/18/17 - “Does Anyone Know A Good Plumber?” (Inspired by the Creepy Pasta)

Does anyone know a good plumber? Inspection’s tomorrow and I, like,  have a leaky tub from a fucked up ritual, and like, several dead things scattered around the house, and I think the washer machine is, like, trying to eat me.

It all started a few days ago. I was chatting to this super hot guy on tinder (at least I think it was a guy) and he, like,  asked me if I could like, do a ritual to summon a demon/ghost/demi-god thing. And I was all like, sure I can bby. And then he was like, try to summon a water spirit thing for me and then I’ll come over to your house, exorcise it for you, and then we can fuck. That was, like, his actual message.

I decided that, like,  it sounded like a fantastic idea, so long as he also brought drugs. Cause, ya know, if I’m gonna, like,  do a shitty ritual for sex, there better also be drugs. Also my dealer’s in a holding cell for buying a whore. Like, I know sex is fun and all, but like, how the hell did you not get caught for drugs?

Anyway, he agreed to bring drugs, but like, it’d have to wait a couple of days for him to get the drugs. We decided that like, we should do this on a wednesday, cuase apparently  that’s when drugs from his “hommie” are like, super cheap or something. So I set my alarm to go off at like, midnight on Wednesday so that, like, I could get the ritual done before having to go to work and some fun that night.

My alarm didn’t go off until 1 in the morning because I’m an idiot. So like, I had to do everything super quickly. I didn’t bother getting dressed, and just went into my bathroom, to like, do the ritual. So I went into bathroom, and lit, like five candles and arranged them in a pentagon. I then used some string to like, outline the pentagon and make some, like, super special runes to keep me from summoning something that would, like, actually kill me. I was supposed to do a, like, hour long chant at half-past midnight, but since I was late anyway, I just did a quick little, please come forth deadly water thingie so that I can like, get a good dicking.

It sort of worked? A pipe burst through my bathroom wall. I like, realized at that moment that inspections is supposed to be on Sunday. Fuck. So I packed everything up and got dressed, since I was up anyway, I may as well have like, started early. I found out that all of my business clothes were, like, dirty and shit. So I picked everything up and walked my bra and underwear clad ass to the laundry room to do laundry.

There was this, like, super creepy dude in there though. He was, white, lacked a face, and was super twiggy. He was also in a, like, tux or some shit. He just calmly waved a hand at me. I guess that slut in 4b has a goddamn gentleman as a booty call now. Anyway, I waved back and tried to flirt with the guy. He like, beat a hasty retreat from the room. Actually, now that I think about it, he like, didn’t have a face. Fuckin’ weirdo.

So, like, I started to put my laundry into the washing machine, but like, I thought I heard screaming from inisde the machine. I took a look, but there was nothing in there. So I just put in my load and set the machine to delicate so it wouldn’t rip any of my nice shirts. When I turned around, the pipes seemed to slither across the floor and were starting to take up the room. I booked it for the door and didn’t pass go.

Long story short, I’m locked up in my apartment with a pipe hanging out of the wall and leaking water into the tub. Also there’s some dead things around the apartment, mostly rodents because mouse traps. Does anyone know a good plumber in Maricopa County who won’t ask any questions?

[shirtlesssammy]

3x16: No Rest for the Wicked

The Road So Far:

I want to write some flip comment that Dean’s going to hell, y’all, but man, this shit still messes with me.

Now:

Dean’s running for his fucking life through a forest, until he runs into invisible hell hounds. I’m guessing it was here that Jensen put his foot down about the Samulet --that thing had to be bouncing everywhere. Dean starts running in the opposite direction until they catch up with him --and he wakes up. 

Ok, I know that hell hounds are scary and all, but the open flames while sleeping? NOPE. Sam finds him and tells him that Bobby’s found a way to find Lilith. Dean’s sweaty and not as relieved as he should be --he’s got 30 hours until go time. Sam tries reassuring his brother that it’s all going to be okay --but Dean’s already starting to see the warped faces that the woman from the last episode saw. 

Pre-TFW perform a locating spell.

Dean is hesitant to head to Indiana, where the spell pinged Lilith. Sam wants to summon Ruby to help with the plan. “She is the Miss Universe of lying skanks.” Tell us what you really think, Dean. Dean insists they find another way. 

Sam does the summoning spell all on his own. 

Ruby arrives and admits that she knew that Lilith held Dean’s contract. Sam and Dean were not ready to know that. Sam demands her knife. She starts circling him and tells him that the knife doesn’t matter. He’s got not-God (*cough cough*) given talent that could defeat Lilith. Man, Ruby plays to all of Sam’s weaknesses. 

Dean pops in, throws out some insults, and demands the knife. We’ve been over this boys, the knife don’t matter. Sam wants to listen to Ruby, Dean doesn’t care. Ruby simply tells them that she wants Lilith dead. Yes, yes, you do. That is the truth. Very, very true. Dean’s gotta get to Hell and break that first seal first though, amirite?  

Fisticuffs ensue. 

It looks like the puny humans don’t stand a chance against the demon, but it was all a ploy to get the knife. THE KNIFE. Also, they trapped Ruby. Smart Dean is smart. 

Packing their gear, Sam starts having doubts. The co-dependency is strong with this episode, guys. Sam wants to save Dean. Dean wants to save Sam. Dean’s Theme starts playing and Dean admits that they’ll do anything for each other --and the bad guys know it. (Chuck knows it.) Dean wants to attack Lilth their way (yaaas --play your game, not hers). Sam admits that Dean should have been “jamming ‘Eye of the Tiger’” during that speech. Dean isn’t amused, but admits that he rehearsed the speech. Bby. Bby boy. 

New Harmony, Indiana

In a nice little gated community, two nice old men exchange pleasantries at their shared mailboxes. One grandfather slips the other man a note before heading back inside his home. It reads, “Help us.”

Once inside, the grandfather steps over a very dead body (his wife?!? MY GOD.) and finds his daughter/son in-law in the kitchen. They’re afraid of their Lilith possessed child/grandchild. The granddaughter shows up in the kitchen soaked in blood. It turns out that Freckles was mean to her. The family is horrified. Her mother tries to act normally. The dad asks the little girl if she’ll let them go. She gets suspicious and the tension grows. She’s good though, silly!

Sam and Dean try taking off but the Impala won’t start. Bobby shows up with a necessary part and is upset that they were trying to ditch him. 

*Iconic Words Alert*

Bobby utters, “Family don’t end with blood, boy.”

Bobby also knows about Dean’s hallucinations. They need his help. 

Later, Sam pushes for deep confessional mode in the car, only for Dean to spurn his attempts to get him to open up. No chick flick moments! Dean turns the music up. “Bon Jovi rocks…on occasion.” He sings “Dead or Alive”, and friends, I am DEAD.

They get pulled over by a cop who calls them out on the Impala’s busted taillight. Dean glances at the cop and then immediately kills him with Ruby’s knife. It turns out the cop was possessed - and Dean could see the demon’s real face. All it took was one look. Bobby tells them that Dean’s almost hell’s bitch so he can see hell’s other bitches. ELOQUENTLY put, Bobby. They realize that demons must be stationed all over town. 

Back with little homicidal Lilith, the family sits down before a feast worthy of Sully’s Imaginary Best Friends Club. 

The little girl asks grandpa why he asked the neighbor for help. He protests, but she’s clearly onto his plan. Her parents deny knowing anything about it and you can see doom scrawled over grandpa’s face. Lilith accuses him of not loving her anymore and snaps his neck right there at the table. The parents serve cake for dinner, utterly terrified. 

Outside, Dean can see that Lilith’s in the little girl. He sees her true face. Dean points out two other demons on patrol: the mailman sorting mail outside at night, and the neighbor that grandpa went to for help. (Wherps.)

Dean is low key horrified at the idea of killing a little girl to kill Lilith, but Sam and Bobby are ready to do whatever it takes. 

The Winchesters and Bobby kill the mailman and neighbor, then Ruby shows up. Dean does a double take at Ruby’s face, grossed out by her demonic visage. Them’s fightin’ words, Dean! Well, they could fight over it...except they’ve got bigger problems. An army of demons appears from all the neighboring houses, chasing them to Lilith’s door. Bobby peels off and we spy him with a bucket and a rosary. Soon after, the sprinklers turn on…it’s raining holy water! Hallelujah it’s raining HOLY WATER. Bobby, you smart son of a bitch. 

They stalk through the house, surprising the dad. Dean knocks him out and stores him safely in the basement behind a line of salt. They creep upstairs to the kid’s bedroom where Lilith and the mom are curled up in bed. The mom whisper-pleads for Sam to kill her daughter but Sam hesitates. He’s just about to bring down the knife when Dean stops him. Lilith has left the little girl! Hooray! Let’s all NOT stew on this extremely traumatized family unit and how this world MEGA needs therapists training in monster lore. Anyway. Bad news: if Lilith is no longer in the girl, then she’s possessing someone else now. 

Sam begs Ruby for help - he’ll do whatever she tells him to if it means he can save his brother. (Holy foreshadowing for Season 4, Batman!) Dean shouts him down. No stupid mistakes, Sammy! 

The clock strikes midnight dramatically. (Good thing this family has a big ol’ dramatic grandfather clock, to help us keep track of demon deals.) A hound growls from inside the house and everyone races for a room with a door that closes. Dean spreads goofer dust frantically along the window and doors of the office. Ruby demands the knife so she can try and keep the hellhound at bay and buy Dean some time. Dean takes a hard look at Ruby and realizes…it’s not her! He sees a different demon face now. It’s LILITH. 

Lilith pins Dean to the desk while she kisses Sam. NOT COOL, demons! What’s with demons and all the kissing? Smh. Dean tries to ask her about her plan and Lilith smirks in response. She opens the door to the office. 

The hellhound races in and tears into Dean while Sam’s pinned to the wall. Dean is pulled to the floor and torn apart while Sam watches. I think the worst part is definitely how Dean starts out screaming and then can’t even scream at the very end. SHUDDER.

shudder

After Dean dies, Lilith triumphantly raises a hand to smite Sam.

She can’t kill Sam, which is a huge surprise to both of them. Sam hauls out Ruby’s knife, only for Lilith to smoke out. He’s left alone with two bodies on the floor. He picks up Dean’s lifeless body and weeps.

The camera moves in, plunging us into Dean’s mind and through...to the other side.

We descend into another world, down to Hell. It’s dark and full of lightning, an endless spider’s web of chains and misery. Dean’s strung up by meathooks jammed into his skin. He screams for Sam, and his screams carry us into the black of the season break.

Holy Quotehounds, Batman!

Either we go in smart or we don’t go in at all

She is the Miss Universe of lying skanks

Um... demon. Manipulative's kinda in the job description

She probably wants you to become her little antichrist Super Star

Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?

I think you totally should have been jamming "Eye of the Tiger" right there

If this is my last day on earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward

Family don't end with blood, boy

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[shirtlesssammy]

15x05: Proverbs 17:3

Then:

I’m not crying, you’re crying!

Now:

(weeping in corner ---this is Steve Yockey’s last episode) 

Black Forest, Colorado

Three young women on a Pinterest inspired LL Bean photoshoot getaway, toast to friendship and good times. Now that they’re done with college, two of them have found jobs and are on their way to subverting the new world order of underemployment. Ashley, the other friend, will be driving for Uber. 

They all hear a noise outside the tent. Julie goes for more rum and gets yanked. The other one tries closing the tent but is also yanked. Cue Ashley’s screams!

At the bunker, Sam checks his messages to Cas. He’s been texting and texting but hasn’t heard anything back. I am emotional. Dean is going to bury that shit and not even tell his brother what happened? ARGH. Sam hides his phone pretty quick so it’s obvious that he knows something isn’t right --and he doesn’t needle his brother about it so he knows something REALLY isn’t right. 

Dean’s back from a supply run and is back on his overcompensating with food bullshit. He eats a ghost pepper jerky bite and instantly regrets it. On the plus side, we get this:

Anyway, they’ve got a case. 

*Dream Vision Alert*

Lucifer!Sam sits at a table in the bunker. Dean approaches from behind, draws the Colt, asks for forgiveness, and shoots Sam in the back of the head. Lucifer!Sam doesn’t die though. The wound heals and his eyes glow red. Lucifer!Sam scoffs at the idea that the Colt would kill him, adding, “we both knew it had to end this way.” Then fire consumes Dean. 

Sam wakes in the Impala. Dean wants to know what’s up but Sam will only admit to a bad dream. 

They reach Colorado and instead of their usual routine, Dean pulls out some old school tricks: Fish and Wildlife agents. They were babies! (But this is also just such a nice way to show HOW MUCH Sam and Dean have changed over the years. The story Chuck was telling in season one has changed so much --they are not the same anymore. And while Dean continues to repress his current issues (ala Cas), it’s clear that he’s not the same.)

They go in and talk with the sheriff.

(Also, this is yet another week using an actor that has been in a previous episode of Supernatural. I realize this does happen, but this actress played Tara, the hunter that helped Dean and Crowley find Cain and the First Blade--and the Mark of Cain.) 

The sheriff doesn’t think these attacks are animal in nature. There’s one witness they can talk to. They head to the hospital to talk with her. They ask what she remembers. She flashes back to the forest. She’s running and a man/monster is chasing her. She’s reluctant to talk, but Dean assures her that they’ve heard it all. The man that killed her friends had claws and fangs. A werewolf. Dean tells the poor girl that monsters and werewolves are all real. 

Dean gets a name. Sam points out that it wasn’t a full moon the night Ashley was attacked (Dean suggests pureblood), and Sam sets off to find an address. 

They head to a cabin in the woods where Andy, the werewolf, lives with his brother, Josh. They’re isolated, reluctant to have visitors, don’t have a phone. Just as God intended. Sam and Dean leave. 

Josh yells at Andy for not killing Ashley. I’m just loling all over the place. This melodramatic crazy is TOO much. Family of werewolves that hunt people. Their dad’s dead but it’s the family business. Reluctant younger brother...

The brothers check in at the Sleepy Bear Inn. (Have we mentioned HOW MUCH WE LOVE JERRY WANEK? It’s true!) 

They’ve got Ashley under their protection. They need to go take care of “the lumberjack twins.” Sam wonders why this whole case seems too easy. Lololol. Ashley asks the brothers to stay with her until she falls asleep. Meanwhile, Andy and Josh are outside the motel ready to kill her. 

Dean and Ashley talk about hunting. Dean says he likes his job --helping people. She asks if he ever wanted to be anything else: Jimi Hendrix. He says that so quickly. It breaks me a bit. But then he toes the company line. Ashley wondering how great life would be if it was all planned out. That makes Dean turn a little green. Poor bby. 

Sam wakes Sleeping Beauty - I mean, Dean. He zonked out while Sam headed out to get food and while he was sleeping, Ashley disappeared.

Cut to Ashley who is astonishingly NOT DEAD YET. She’s tied up in a bloody slaughter room, though. The two werewolf bros burst in, mid argument. “This isn’t who we are,” Andy protests, his pure white, tucked-in sweater standing out sharply against the ACTUAL BLOOD SPATTERED WALL. (Like, seriously, guys. Get a cleaning service, at least. That can’t be sanitary.)

“This is exactly who we are,” Josh growls. Hoooo-boy.

Dean and Sam race back to the cabin and quickly follow Ashley’s screams to the slaughter room. Their approach causes the werewolves to scamper, but not very far. As they attempt to escape, the Winchesters and Ashley get ambushed in the main room. The two werewolves get the upper hand on Dean and Sam, and the werewolf with a taste for human flesh closes in on Dean, snarling. Andy picks up Dean’s dropped gun and points it at Sam. He stares between Sam and Josh in agony.

Andy shoots and kills his brother. “He turned into a monster,” Andy explains tearfully. “And I’m a monster too.” He turns the gun on himself, killing himself with one quick shot to the heart. (Jeez, always the heart in this season. It’s almost like it’s an important metaphor or something.)

“That was weird,” Dean says which is like a total UNDERSTATEMENT… But that doesn’t even come close to what happens next. Dean tries to comfort Ashley, who pushes away and…

…trips and falls right onto the antlers. BOOM. Ashley’s dead. Sam, Dean, and pretty much every single one of us viewers stares at Ashley’s body in shock and confusion. That’s…not…normal. Also, this episode is only half over. WTF?

“Well, this is a bitch,” Ashley grumbles, opening her eyes and standing up, still impaled. She cheerfully flashes her eyes white at Sam. She’s LILITH, baby! 

Lilith has clearly never made friends with the phrase “Loose lips sink ships” because she spills E V E R Y T H I N G. Chuck pulled her out of the Empty (where she was dead as a demon doornail), gave her instructions to seduce Dean post-rescue, told her to show Sam and Dean the werewolf murder/sacrifice mirror, and sent her to retrieve the magic gun: Ye Olde Equalizer. 

The Winchesters try to fight Lilith, but she blasts them into the walls, knocking Sam out. Dean promises Lilith the gun as long as Sam’s okay. Same old song and dance, my friends. But now we get the feeling that Dean’s SEEING THE SCRIPT even while he’s still feeling utterly trapped by it.

Sam has another vision while he’s power healing through his latest concussion. This time, Dean’s out to kill a human Sam. Dean, under the influence of the Mark of Cain, murders his brother with the first blade. When Sam wakes, the cabin is empty. 

In the Impala, Lilith is sitting about two feet away from the equalizer gun - still hidden in the glove box- and amusedly answers Dean’s questions. She’s massively irked that she’s back on Earth as part of Chuck’s latest story…when the story she THOUGHT her death was integral to was foiled by the Winchesters. It’s adding insult to injury, man. “Wouldn’t it be great if everything was just planned out for you?” she repeats and then laughs right in Dean’s face. Chuck fed her that line directly. 

Lilith chirpily comments on Chuck’s storytelling propensity and his hamfisted werewolf brother foreshadowing. “It always ends the same,” she tells Dean. “One brother killing the other.” 

Back at the motel, I am still UTTERLY DAMN CHARMED at the Wanek crew’s amazing work on this room. 

For Please Come Decorate My House Science:

Dean tells Lilith that she’ll NEVER get the gun and she starts to slice him bit by bit. It’s the death of a thousand cuts!

Sam breaks in and shoots Lilith in the forehead without another word. He traps her in place with a devil’s trap bullet. “I’ve got you now, my pretty!” Sam should have shouted (but didn’t). What he does do is threaten to kill her. Lilith gets pissed at this. Like, EXCUSE HER VERY MUCH, but she’s a total badass who LET Sam kill her back in season four. Don’t mess with her! 

The Winchesters flee but don’t even make it past the parking lot. Lilith zaps out to meet them. Where’s the gun??? She reasons it out, and concludes that the gun is clearly in the Impala. (Clears throat… The most important car in the universe!?) Lilith finds the equalizer pretty much right away and laughs at how damn easy it was. Which...yeah.

“We’ll get it back,” Sam snarls and without further ado, Lilith melts the heck out of the gun. Now it’s just a cooling black pool against the asphalt. Oooooookay. Plan...X?

Back at the bunker, the boys fortify themselves with liquor. Sam leaves ANOTHER voicemail for Cas. (Pardon me while I take a short break to weep and rend my clothing.) “We gave him the head’s up on Chuck and Lilith,” Dean says. “What else are we supposed to do?” Oh, I don’t know. Probably apologize? Tell him you love him and value him as a person. That sort of thing. 

Dean’s pretty shattered at the revelation that Chuck’s still pulling their strings. Thanks to Lilith, he understands that Chuck wants an ending where one of them kills the other. Sam immediately ties this into the dreams he’s been having. “You’re just telling me this, NOW?” Dean asks. And…I think that reaction is justified. Sam speculates that his equalizer wound is showing him Chuck’s endings and MAYBE a slice of Chuck’s mind. 

“This was supposed to be over,” Dean says in response. “Are we just gonna keep running in this friggin’ hamster wheel until we die? Or we get boring and he ends us?” I’m laughing at the direct commentary on how TV shows live and die but also...DEAN BBY. 

Sam thinks they can fight. Dean wants to know how the hell they’re supposed to FIGHT GOD.

______________________________

Goldilocks and the Three Quotes:

Poor, faithful Dean. We both knew it had to end this way

I’ll Freud you

Whatever you’re about to say, I want you to know that we’ve heard worse. We’ve heard weirder

I don’t lie to you. I look out for you

That’s not how this story goes

Oh, you would promise a girl the moon, Dean Winchester

Of the three potential vessels, Ashley had the best hair

God? He is not exactly Shakespeare. He’s more of a low rent Dean Koontz

Be a good boy and show me that BIG GUN, huh?

______________________________

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[shirtlesssammy]

5x18: Point of No Return

Hey-our first request episode! It’s a good one, considering Adam might (?) be coming back this season, and then there’s the whole fathers are shitty theme. Oh, and Dean and Cas are fighting. 

Then:

Remember Adam?

Now:

In an empty bar in Nowhere, USA, Zachariah commiserates with a man about The Man. Then the walls start shaking and the other guy wonders if it’s an earthquake. The place lights up and Zach sullenly admits that it’s his boss. Before you know it, the bartender and other guy’s eyes are burned out and Zach is back in the heavenly business. 

On the alcohol train to Sad Town, Dean packs his only belongings (minus Baby, I guess) in preparation to saying yes to Michael. We say goodbye to the leather jacket (for good --well, I think we see it in Swan Song too, but --like, how crazy is it that there was a fundamental shift in the storytelling of the show when that jacket was stolen after season 5? Would Dean still be wearing it to this day? I would like to think that isn’t true.) He boxes up the jacket, Baby’s keys, his gun, and writes a letter. Oh, and he downs hard liquor straight from the bottle the whole melodramatic time he’s doing this. (Side note: he’s staying at Mike’s Travel Inn which is wonderfully fitting since he plans to become Michael’s own personal travel inn. Wanek!)

For Drama Llama Dean Science:

Sam finds Dean and confirms Dean’s own plans to him. Sam wants Dean to wait on this plan of letting Michael take him. Bobby has a plan. Okay, he doesn’t, but Sam is going to stop him anyway. Dean gets in a good dig about Sam not having demon blood to help him. Sam counters that he still brought help. Before Dean can react, Cas has flapped in and he zaps Dean back to Bobby’s. 

Urgh, those were the days. Sometimes I REALLY miss flying Cas. 

At Bobby’s we have a pissed off Dean, pissed off Cas, pissed off Bobby, and a peacemaker Sam. Bobby calls Dean “son”, and Dean counters that he isn’t Dean’s father. OUCH and a HALF. Bobby then shows Dean the bullet he wants to put through his brain. He doesn’t though because he promised Dean that he’d keep fighting.

Cas is suddenly hit with a massive wave of angel radio goodness and he’s gone. (I just love the editing of when Cas flaps away. Sigh.) 

Cas ends up in a field somewhere. 

For Side-profile Science:

In his attempt to investigate something coming out of the ground, two other angels attack him. He is an effortlessly badass angel though, and dispatches them with 

I’m sorry, what was I saying? 

He pulls someone from the ground and takes him back to Bobby’s. It’s Adam, Sam and Dean’s long lost/dead half-brother. Okay, the dramatic camera zooms and swelling music was just A+ soapy drama there. Cas engraves angel warding on Adam’s ribs and wakes him from his graveyard coma. Adam knows who Sam and Dean are --because the angels warned him about them. He demands to see Zachariah. Wherps. 

They let him clean up, give him some hard liquor, and ask him to tell them his story. He tells them that he was in heaven (or prom to him) and angels interrupt to tell him he’s going to save the world. He’s the archangel Michael’s vessel. Dean thinks that’s insane. Cas points out that Adam is also of John Winchester’s bloodline, and Sam’s brother. Dean forgets he’s with company and propositions Cas. 

Sam tries telling Adam that the angels are lying to him. Adam doesn’t believe him. Sam asks him to give them time to prove they’re right. He tells Adam that “they’re blood” and that’s why they should be trusted. (Dean’s little smile at that...like I get how that’s important to Dean, but also, I love how SO much about this show is how important these bonds are despite there being no blood between this found family.) Adam is appalled. They’re not family. John wasn’t his father (AND can we talk about how fucking jealous Dean was that John actually did things, like baseball games, with Adam, and Adam saw those baseball games as nothing? John wasn’t there for him on a day to day basis and so he wasn’t Adam’s father. Ugh, John was the woooorrsst.) (Dean’s little half-smile about John was also worth watching.) 

Later, Adam tries making an escape but Sam catches him, and sits him down with a beer to discuss John.

Sam thinks Adam was lucky to not have John around all year (Ahem, you didn’t either, Sam…) Adam was alone a lot because his mom worked. He raised himself. Ugh, kinda like you and Dean, right Sam? Then Adam makes a Family Vacation reference and we KNOW he’s related to Dean. Btw, where are Dean and Cas during this convo? 

Dean’s checking out Bobby’s safe room when Sam and Cas show up. Cas silently flirts with Dean. Dean forgets he’s in front of Sam and flirts right back at Cas. These two are killing me this season. They’re in that sweet spot of flirting before it all goes to hell. SIGH.

For the record, I’d like to point out that Cas was making that face at him the whole time they were in the living room with Bobby before Adam showed up. Also, I’d like to point out that both Dean and Cas were missing when Adam tried to escape. 

Dean and Sam talk in private about not letting Adam let Michael in. Sam lets Dean know he’s not letting him do it either. Um, then Dean lists all the people that they’ve “gotten killed”, and I’d like to give a big shout out “Fuck you” to Chuck himself. According to Dean they got everyone killed! He’s “also tired of fighting who he’s supposed to be.” UGGH. Dean tells Sam that he doesn’t think Sam will be able to withstand the devil, so he’s got to be there to fight. Sam walks away.

Upstairs, Cas watches Adam intently as though making sure he won’t sleep walk away. When Sam heads upstairs, totally wrecked, Cas makes his way back down to the basement. (To finish their assignation - right, Boris?) He hears a crash. Dean Bean’s nowhere to be seen in the safe room so Cas opens the door. Dean directs his attention to a cabinet door with a bloody angel banishing sigil on it. BOOM! Cas out.

Dean creeps out of the basement through the cellar hatch. JellyDEAN noooooo!

Sam heads out to track down Dean, leaving Bobby to watch over Adam. In his dreams, Adam chillaxes at a playground when Zachariah smarmily flaps in. Zach tells Adam that he’ll see his mom soon, but first he’s got to figure out how to escape. Zachariah warns Adam about the Winchesters, describing Sam and Dean as dangerously codependent and more interested in saving each other than the world. Which is sorta...valid? “They’re not your family. Understand?”

Outside a bar, a street preacher shouts at random passerby when Dean runs up and asks if he knows who Dean Winchester is. “Dear god, yes,” the preacher replies (for all of us).

The preacher starts to pray to the angels about Dean’s location when Cas zaps him unconscious. 

Cas flips the fuck out. “I rebelled for this?” he shouts as he bashes Dean around in the alley. “I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me?” 

Dean, always a glutton for punishment, eggs Cas on. Cas should destroy him! Why not? Don’t you know who he is??? He’s Dean Winchester, PROM KING of Self-Loathing High. Cas stops punching out his feelings. His fist uncurls.

He zaps Dean unconscious instead.

Back at Bobby’s house, Adam’s disappeared and Sam is a leeeetle bit stressed out.

Cas flaps in with a majorly roughed up Dean and announces that he was the cause of Dean’s injuries. Hashtag Dangerbird-of-the-Lord. About Adam’s whereabouts, Cas speculates that the angels nabbed him and took him to the Beautiful Room from season four. 

Cue the close-up on baroque art, beer, and burgers. Adam’s enjoying his last meal when Zachariah flaps in to hand him a pink slip. “You’re not so much the ‘chosen one’ as you are a clammy scrap of bait.” 

“Son of a bitch,” Adam mutters, Winchesterily. 

Adam’s starting to realize that Zachariah is a pretty terrible friend. Zachariah reinforces this conclusion by making Adam cough up blood. 

Down in Bobby’s panic room, Dean’s chained to the bed. 

Sam fills Dean in on the situation: Adam’s being held prisoner at a location which is CRAWLING with angels. To Dean’s surprise, Sam unlocks Dean’s manacle. They need him for the fight ahead and Sam has faith that Dean will make the right choice - even if nobody else believes in him. Dean rewards this touching show of faith by swearing up and down that he’ll say yes to Michael at the first chance he gets. DEAN. BEAN. Sam’s faith in Dean is simply derived: “You’re still my big brother.” (*crying noise crying noise*)

Outside the warehouse, Cas flaps in with the Winchesters. 

Dean’s surprised to learn that the Beautiful Room is in Van Nuys, California and not on Jupiter or (bless this boy) in a blade of grass. Cas tells them there are five extremely good warriors inside and he can’t fight them all off. He starts to take off his tie and IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

Cas tells them that he’ll take care of the angels and then they can rescue Adam. Cas BBY. 

Devastating dialogue alert:

Dean: Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels?

Cas: Yes.

Dean: Isn’t that suicide?

Cas: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

Cas whips out a box cutter. The next scene sees him striding into the warehouse alone. His spidey sense tingles. It’s an angel! Cas kills one of them and then makes his way to the middle of the room. Quicky, he’s surrounded by the other angels. He drops his blade, rips open his shirt, and blasts them and himself away with the angel banishing sigil he carved iNTo hIS sKin. 

Dean and Sam hear the commotion and when Dean heads inside, the coast is clear. Inside the Beautiful Room, Adam’s slumped by the wall. “You came for me,” he mutters, surprised. 

“Yeah, you’re family,” Dean says. But it’s too late for hugs and lollipops, because Zachariah shows up, stroking his metaphorical evil mustache. Zachariah starts bleeding out Adam and Sam while Dean is EXPERIENCING STRONG EMOTIONS. (Boris: When Dean says “Damnit, Zachariah” I only hear “Dean” from The Real Ghostbusters, and realize what a great job he did impersonating a character he had only read about.) 

Dean agrees to say yes. While Zachariah calls down Michael, Dean takes one last look at Sam. Thoughts and feelings flit past like clouds and suddenly Dean arrives at a Realization™. He smiles, then winks at Sam. 

Dean starts issuing his demands before he’ll turn over his body but number one on his list is that Michael destroys Zachariah. 

RECORD SCRATCH

Dean refers to himself as a “sweet ass” which is not wrong, while Zachariah presses close to Dean threateningly, boasting that Michael would never kill him. No worries because Dean’s gonna smite you instead. With Zachariah close, Dean whips up Cas’s dropped angel blade and jams it up into Zachariah’s jaw. 

The room shakes as Michael approaches. Sam, Dean, and Adam make for the door. Sam and Dean escape but the door slams shut in front of Adam. A bright light suffuses him and...that’s it.

Later, they recap in the Impala. Adam and Cas are in the wind but finding them is an issue for another episode. Because right now Sam needs to address Dean’s almost-yes moment. Dean explains his sudden change of mind. “The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, ‘this stupid son of a bitch brought me here.’ I just didn’t want to let you down.” Dean apologizes to Sam for treating him like a kid. “Screw destiny right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.”

Battle brother mode ACTIVATED!

______________________________

Is That a Quote in Your Pocket or are You Just Happy to See Me? 

You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight’s when the magic happens.

Blow me, Cas.

We’re working on the power of love. 

Maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change?

You pray too loud.

Watch your tone, boy.

Don’t piss of the nerd angels.

______________________________

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[shirtlesssammy]

14x17: Game Night

Then:

Parenting is hard

Now:

We open with Donatello making cookies and bopping to BJ Thomas in his head. He’s just living his best soulless life, folks. 

Well, until his doorbell rings and he answers it. He’s soon trussed up and injected with an unknown substance.

Meanwhile at the bunker, it’s family game night! Dean’s made a head start on the festivities by setting up Mouse Trap by himself (poorly), Jack’s old enough to pop popcorn over an open flame, and Mary’s got a big bowl of carrots for Sam.

Mary checks in on Jack, and 10% souled up Jack tells her that her concern is annoying. XD He knows she’s just being a concerned mom though (and Mary’s just trying with this kid like she never had the chance with her own kids.) 

Just before Sam comes back with pizza, Dean checks his voicemail to find a message from Donatello. He needs their help. Dean instantly calls Sam, but can’t reach him. Mary and him take off right away. Jack stays behind to fill Sam in on what’s happening.

At Cindy’s Wafflette, Cas and Anael meet up. Anael is less than impressed with the diner vibe. I, on the other hand, am COMPLETELY SMITTEN with the whole thing. The waffle wallpaper! The tunes on the jukebox, the Formica tables, Cas’s order of waffles, the sun on the menu, the lady holding a giant waffle on the menu, the shots from the outside where we see the driving snow and the cozy tableau on the inside (more bars and wall separation imagery!).

Cas has something for her. 16th century Burmese blood rubies (lightly cursed), to be exact. He also needs her help with contacting God. She was Joshua’s right hand man, and God spoke to Joshua. Cas wants to find God to help Jack’s soul. Only God can restore a soul. “The Winchesters, they don’t know you’re here, do they?” LISTEN, Anael, stop judging our overprotective to his own detriment angel. She doesn’t want to help him, so Cas starts to take the earrings back. She has an idea though. Joshua tried reaching God after the Fall, and God answered. She wasn’t there when it happened, but she can take him to who was.

Sam and Jack are busy at the bunker trying to translate the bit of ancient Hebrew Donatello muttered at the end of his message. Mary and Dean have a moment in the Impala. Mary laments not being around enough for her children. And I’m like, NOPE. Stop with this nonsense. Too much pain foreshadowing.

And I don’t have enough time to unpack this:

Mary: But I know how I am. I can be closed off, hard.

Dean: Yeah, well, that’s where I get it from.

A thousand LOLs. (muttering to self: Dean, stop lying about yourself to relate to others) I will take their mutual smile at the end represents that they both know that’s a big lie.

At the bunker, Sam cracks the message. It’s Peter 5:8. “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the Devil, as a roaring lion walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”

At Donatello’s, Dean and Mary don’t find Donatello, but they do find the devil Nick. Nick admits to injecting Donatello with thallium to get the WInchester’s attention.

Cas and Anael arrive at Orlando’s Emporium. They find Methuselah inside.

He doesn’t want to play ball, but Cas pops out his smitey blue eyes and Methuselah admits that the thing that Joshua used to call God is somewhere in his warehouse.

Dean and Mary bring Nick back to the bunker. Sam Fucking Winchester almost takes him out the second he sees him. I’m so here for completely done Sam.

Later, Sam is trying to parse why Nick was just waiting for Dean and Mary. It makes no sense. Mary notes that they have to save Donatello. Sam’s already on top of the antidote and he’s semi-confident that he can hack the feed to find him. Dean goes to talk with Nick.

Sam and Mary have a moment. STOP. I’m firmly in the Please don’t kill Mary camp (but see the writing on the wall.)

Cas and Anael continue their search for the Ark of the Covenant conduit to God.

Anael and Cas have an existential conversation about Heaven, God, and humanity. Anael doesn’t agree with God’s whole not meddling thing. Anael doesn’t need Heaven and she doesn’t need God, and she is ...happy. (Keep that word away from Cas!) Cas thinks she sounds lonely, and she counters that we are all alone. Cas has family though. And Cas knows that God meddles.

Dean’s busy beating up Nick in the bunker’s dungeon. Nick is busy mentally messing with Dean about Michael. Nick also asks to see his “son.” URGH.

Mary remains the best and most skeptical mom/hunter in the world, because she advises strongly against letting Nick see “his son.” Sam’s on board though. Weighed down by guilt, he thinks it may be their best shot to get Nick to reveal Donatello’s location. Jack insists on helping Donatello anyway, because he’s his friend. WWWD!

Nick immediately manages to get a rise from Jack. Lucifer was a monster and Jack’s “three dads” have killed tons - soulless Jack has terrible role models. (Which is certainly true.) Nick has learned Lucifer’s art of hurting with half-truths. Nick headbutts Jack as soon as he gets close and smashes his nose, getting blood everywhere. Jack heals himself and then gets Nick to promise to show them where to find Donatello.

At Methuselah’s, Anael has reached the creepy doll stage of their investigation and decides that she is 100% done. She confronts Cas and tells him that he’s jumping through these hopeless, miracle-seeking truths because he’s too afraid to tell Sam and Dean the truth about Jack. “Jack’s soul is gone, Castiel. And there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t wanna say all that and hurt your feelings, so…” (LOL, I love Anael.) The truth bomb hits Cas hard. Cas and Anael are about to leave when Cas spots an amulet hanging in the jewelry display that looks an awful lot like Dean’s old God-necklace. It’s a Casulet!

Casulet recipe:

1 holy amulet 1 Tbsp faith 2 tsp self-doubt 5 cups of existential angst

Methuselah congratulates Cas on finding Joshua’s amulet. Yay, Cas! You passed his worthiness test (see our Last Crusade post for context). Time to make a long distance call. Cas immediately prays to God and invokes Sam and Dean’s name in his plea for help. (Aw, Cas bby.) It’s decidedly unexciting and Methuselah drily comments that it never worked for Joshua either.

Sam, Dean, and Nick drive out to find Donatello, arriving at a set of warehouses set in a snowy landscape. Dean heads in to find Donatello and leaves Sam to watch Nick. Best friends forever, amirite?

Outside of Methuselah’s Emporium, Cas says he’s finally going to head home to tell Sam and Dean the truth. He bids Anael farewell. But before she goes, he tells her that even if God left them, they’re not alone. Best friends forever, amirite?!! Anael treats this sentiment with all the respect someone might treat an after-school special, but Cas insists that they all have each other. Aw, Cas <3

Back at the bunker, Mary digs through a box of things they’d recovered from Donatello’s and Jack recognizes the silver grace-extracting syringe as once containing grace. They realize that Donatello was injected with grace and maybe not poisoned after all. Ruh roh. She calls Sam, who is currently trapped in the Impala with the meat suit version of Hallucifer. (Meaning, Nick starts to sing. Badly.) Extra annoyed, Sam steps out of the car, leaving Nick to get up to No Good.

Dean finds Donatello tied up in the warehouse. Sam pulls Nick out of the car - Nick, who just pulled a tiny blade from his wrist so he can pick the lock on his cuffs. Sam, BBY, you do know that guns can be used just as well when you’re out of arms reach of the enemy, right?

Nick reveals his dastardly plan. He injected Donatello with grace so he could communicate with Lucifer, who’s been kicking around the Empty doing his best interpretation of the Terminator. Lucifer told him about a ritual he could use to bring him back. All he needed was a little bit of Jack’s blood, which Nick got from Jack’s bloody nose. Oof. Nick’s been working with demons, who want Lucifer back.

Dean gets attacked by demons in the warehouse and Sam and Nick start a fistfight up by the car. Sam gets beaned on the head by a huge rock. UGH, Sam. Your poor cabeza! While Sam fights with another head injury, Dean almost gets killed by demons.

Dean races out to the Impala to help Sam, who’s been honking the horn full blast after locking himself in the car to save himself from Nick. Sam’s doing…really, really badly. He’s incoherent and has trouble breathing and…Sam might not make it? Dean calls Mary and fills her in on Nick’s plan. He tells her that he can’t go after Nick because he has to stay with Sam and wait for an ambulance to arrive.

Nick steals a car and makes his way to an abandoned cabin to start the ritual to bring back Lucifer. As it begins, Jack buckles in pain. Mary puts all the pieces together, realizing that Nick was after Jack all along. She tells Jack to take them to Nick and gives him permission to use his powers.

Nick’s ritual starts to work and the Empty goo folds out into reality. Lucifer approaches like a mess of sludge and glowing eyes, ready to jump back into Nick.

Jack flaps in just in time. He uses his powers to zap Lucifer back to the Empty and then slowly tortures Nick, breaking his bones and burning him alive. Mary begs Jack to stop his slow torture but Jack’s too far into it.

Back with Sam, Dean begs him to cling to consciousness. But as he desperately tries to get Sam to engage, Sam sputters in some final goodbyes about how Dean’s always put him first and it’s FINE we don’t have feelings about this at all. Sam’s eyes slip closed and…I was not expecting this.

The editing cuts expertly from Sam’s maybe-dead face to Nick’s, then pans out to see Mary’s look of horror as she gazes at Jack. “I had to,” Jack whispers and…like…maybe? But the torture is not on-brand for you. Something is wrong with Jack ™

Mary sends Jack to go help Sam. Jack arrives in a flurry of wings and races immediately for Sam. He heals Sam, who takes a giant breath and returns to life. Dean tries very hard not to freak the fuck out at seeing his brother come back to life.

(Side note: I realize that we’ve learned this episode that Jack is soulless and this is a Problem ™ but he did race immediately to heal Sam. So some of his instincts are good. I retain hope that his “dark arc” will be nuanced. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.)

Mary gathers her thoughts at the cabin and when Jack flaps back, super proud of himself for healing Sam.

Mary tells him that he’s not fine. We’ve seen lots of beloved characters slipping into the ol’ torture role on this show, so Jack’s mode of hurting Nick certainly feels on brand for the WWWD movement. But I think the best point that Mary makes is that it’s not him. Mary tells him that he’s not okay. “It’s not your fault,” she goes on to say. “The Jack I know would never have done that.” At first I’m scared for her, like Jack will destroy her so she doesn’t reveal his secrets. But instead angel-speech-ringing breaks into Jack’s mind. He can’t hear her. Can’t see her. Mary hurries to him to try to help but there’s a rushing sound and then the screen goes black.

“Mary?” Jack asks in a small voice. OOOOH DANG

Boris: I believe that the last scene is complete misdirection for the audience. We’re supposed to have this fear of soulless Jack because he killed Felix. Mary is distressed that Jack killed Nick. She talks to Jack and he doesn’t want to listen to her until she says “If Sam and Dean saw what you did, they would be as worried as I am.” Jack looks at her and looks down, defeated, worried. He asks if she is going to tell them ---he needs their approval. He needs to know that what he’s doing is what Sam and Dean want. He now knows he messed up and is scared he won’t have their approval anymore. It’s the next part that I’m waffling about what happens. Mary says, “You need help, we’ll help you. We’re family.” Then Jack says, “You can’t. No, just leave me alone.” He starts to walk away AND puts his hands to his ears. THEN the angel radio buzz starts. Was Jack responding to Mary or did he hear the buzzing before we as the audience did? The subsequent “Leave me alone”-s aren’t meant for Mary. He’s talking to the voice(s) in his head. His glowing eyes are a reaction to the voices, not Mary. We’ll find out next week what really happens with Mary, but I’d like to exist in the world that Jack didn’t harm her for a week, knowing that the last time we saw Jack react to angel radio, he lashed out and knocked the sheriff unconscious after he was first born.

Natasha: This is pure speculation, but I think Jack accidentally sent Mary to the Empty, which is where he was trying to send Lucifer back to after he kept shouting in Jack’s ears. Anyway, stay tuned for my Mary vs. The Shadow full length screenplay.

WWWQ (What Would the Winchesters Quote):

Just a general reek of ill conceived lone wolf desperation…

I’m grateful - every day I get to spend with you and Sam.

The thingamajig he used - it’s around here somewhere.

Are you insane? This is Mulberry silk.

What’s it like not having a soul? Must be relaxing.

Come on, Sam. Nobody stays dead anymore. You know that.

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