#anyways thankfully we didn't have a discussion over that. but we Did have a discussion over how often we say 'i love you'

[orcelito]

This morning, my therapist called me to let me know she's setting up her own practice via telehealth (which is what we were using Anyways) & asked me whether I'd want to follow her there. She still has to set stuff up with insurance stuff But her out of pocket stuff is like HALF what I've been paying out of pocket for the company she was in. So I was like, Hell Yeah let's do it

So im gonna keep up with appointments, maybe once a month or so, just so I have the accountability + the ability to ramble about what I've achieved. Bc that's been rly nice for me. I'll have my therapist back!!!! And better than ever, if only because I have to pay so much less for it 😂😂😂

And ALSO, today I put in my course request for the orchestra into the form. So different from just two weeks ago, where I was practically begging to be given a chance to audition. I was sitting in the same spot of the lobby even, but putting in my official orchestra request instead of sending an email as I vibrated in hope and anxiety. I Got It tho. And the class won't even be that late in the day. It's really exciting.

[kingkat12]

hickeys (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, mentions of sex, softcore-y smut, tw!bullying, Roman using his powers for no good, he's being so weird about virgin!reader, angsty fluff lol

summary: after having sacrificed your friendship with Letha for Roman's limited understanding of love and affection, you suddenly learn the consequences of your actions...

word count: 7,406 (you know me, not sorry anymore)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10

Roman had a hickey right on the side of his throat. Thankfully, I knew who gave him that one-- me.

It dawned on me that I had never seen him with one before. Despite how easy it was for me to get lost in the feelings of joy, finding a sense of pride at being the only one allowed to do that to him, I remembered Roman hadn't always been open to these sorts of things. He had warmed up to it gradually, with everything starting as a small incident at my place a week ago.

We had been splayed out on my bed, my face buried in his chest as I took a casual mid-day nap on top of him. It had become a habit-- Roman would come over, we'd bicker about something, then make out for about an hour until he decided to take his smoke break on my balcony. But today was different; the both of us had just finished a rather hard math test, so we were absolutely spent by the time we hit my bed. Roman didn't even have the energy to smoke, and seeing how tired he was, I decided to be bold and cuddle up to him; however, I hadn't expected us to fall asleep like this.

Weirdly enough, he didn't resist my advances. He'd usually start feeling uncomfortable as he wasn't used to affection like this, but today, Roman had his arms around me as I laid with my head on top of his chest. I had been a little embarrassed to wake up to the sight of a tiny puddle of my drool on his sweater, and I tapped the spot with my fingers as though that would make it go away.

Roman awoke, groggy. He let out a low grunt as he raised his head, trying to get a look at what I was doing. "Is that what I think it is?--"

"No," My words barely came out louder than a whisper, now covering the spot with my palm as I looked up at him with a soft smile. "Did you sleep well?"

Roman, being the stubborn asshole he was, didn't even register my question. "Did you drool on me?"

Oh God, this was mortifying. I figured he'd find out anyway; I slowly removed my hand from the spot, sliding off him. "Sorry..." As I rolled over, my back against the bed, I could only sigh. Being Roman's unofficial official girlfriend was hard, especially now that I didn't have any friends to discuss it with. 

However, there were moments where the hardships were worth it. Moments like these ones, where Roman now flipped over and unexpectedly snuggled up to me, his face hiding in the crook of my neck. "I've never been drooled on like that before," he said, his words muffled in my hair. "This is my favourite sweater."

With wary movements, I brought one hand up to his brown locks, gently stroking through them. I wasn't sure what the next sound from Roman was, but the closest thing would be a purr. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, my other hand running up and down his broad back. "Want me to buy you a new one?"

Roman huffed; "Don't be stupid. I'll just leave it in the washer here if you don't mind," 

"The washer?" My hands froze, no longer ghosting over his skin with gentle touches. "It will dry up in a second, Roman, get yourself together. And even worse, I might get the urge to wear it if you leave it here." I immediately regretted that joke the second it slipped past my lips-- in hopes of brushing over it, scared he'd climb off me and go back to being his usual self, I resumed running my fingers through his hair and up his back.

To my surprise, Roman didn't react much. The only thing I could notice was a rather shaky breath against my neck, almost as though he had just had a really tempting thought. Eventually, he spoke; "It wouldn't fit you very well,"

I did my best to shrug, although that was hard to do with someone on top of me. "That's not the premise," I huffed. "People usually wear each others' stuff when they're into one another. It's a cute thing."

"... So you'd want me to leave my sweater here?" Roman eventually propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my gaze. "Why? It's not like you'd be able to wear it anywhere."

It was in moments like these that I realized how little Roman actually knew about girls. He was supposedly very good in bed, but with feelings and affection? He was like a very aggressive puppy with gorgeous fur-- some men you simply have to train to be soft. "I'd wear it at home," I said, reaching out to brush his messed up hair away from his green eyes. "Especially when it's stormy outside and I'm doing my homework."

Something about my words seemed to be leaving small cracks in Roman's shell-- had I not been so observant, I wouldn't have noticed the way his pupils dilated or the way his features softened as he looked at me. "Would it be a one-way thing?" he asked; was I imagining things, or did he sound shy? "You get my sweater, and I get..."  Roman propped himself up further, taking a quick glance around my room. It didn't take long before his eyes landed on the plain, black hair ties on my nightstand, and he wasted no time reaching for two in one go. "I get these."

Seeing him so serious about this exchange was too funny-- I couldn't help the giggle building in my chest, suppressing a rather obnoxious laugh. "Yeah, I think that's smart," I murmured, stroking my thumb over his cheek. "Your hair is getting a little long... Would probably make your life easier."

Roman rolled his eyes, huffing. "It's not exactly like you have anything else lying around here!"

There was no way in hell I was about to tell him that my room was this clean because I had predicted he'd come over. "Okay, but it still works," I reached for his hand, taking the ties into my palm before rolling them over his fingers, watching as the rubber bands now sat comfortably at his wrist. "There you go!" I exclaimed, beaming up at a rather perplexed Roman. "Sweater, please."

It took a few seconds for him to react-- his eyes fixated on the black rubber ties around his wrist, and before I knew it, I saw slivers of pink appearing on his cheeks. I had never seen him react to anything like this before, and I had no idea why Roman was suddenly unmistakably blushing. "Fuck," he breathed. "That's cute." 

To hide his blush, he quickly wried his sweater off his body, throwing it away on a chair nearby before burying his face in the crook of my neck again, putting his whole weight back on me. "Promise to use it for dirty stuff too," he grumbled, probably to save face, before pressing a kiss to my neck. 

I was happy Roman didn't see how brightly I was smiling-- I would've been told off immediately, and he'd most likely retract right back into his shell. It was unusual for him to accept any sort of affection, and I wondered whether he had let anyone this close before. The more I got to know Roman, the more he was sleepy and babbling around me, I realized that I had to gradually ease physical kindness into his life to make our weird whatever-ship work. 

The whatever-ship I had sacrificed everything for.

And I would've spiraled deeper into thoughts about it, but the sudden pressure I felt against my neck made me snap out of it-- I realized he was giving me a rather hefty hickey, a familiar tingling sensation coursing its way through my body. I let out a satisfied sigh, my fingers burying themselves deeper into Roman's hair as he moved elsewhere on my neck to make a second one. "These will go well with the sweater," he purred against my skin.

I held back a shiver-- The hate I had once felt for him had quickly turned into whatever this was. All I knew, was that it felt good enough to distract me from the guilt that kept gnawing at me after betraying Letha the way I did. ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

The next day at school actually marked a month since the last time Letha and I had spoken on the bleachers. A month of staring at her longingly from afar like a kicked puppy and asking our mutual friends how she was. It didn't take long before they all heard what had happened between Roman and I, and they suddenly became Letha's friends only.

I didn't know how lonely I would be after I chose Roman, and it was slowly breaking my heart. Being blacklisted by nearly all the girls at school was tough, to say the least. 

So as I rummaged around my locker, getting ready for my next class, I didn't expect Letha to approach. There was no way I could imagine she'd do that, especially after the way she had been denying all my attempts of reconciliation. But here she was, blonde hair styled to perfection, and her green, stern eyes meeting mine the second I closed my locker door.

I stared right back, at a loss for words despite opening my mouth to speak. 

Letha cleared her throat, pressing her books tightly against her chest. "It's been a month," she tried, something about her softening with the weight of her words. "I think I might be ready to... talk."

My heart jumped up like never before, immediately thrown into a feeling of ecstatic victory. "What?" I squeaked, unable to stop my beaming look of joy. "Are you serious?" 

Letha shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek to suppress her smile. "I think it's time to try, at least?--" Her words came to a halt the second I turned to face her fully, and her green eyes immediately found my neck. 

My hair had moved to behind my shoulders as I turned around, revealing the hickeys I had tried my best to cover with setting powder and foundation. It didn't take long before Letha's softening look became one of horror as she took a step back, clearly repulsed.

I immediately went into panic, piecing it together. "No, Letha, wait!--"

There was no stopping Letha before she turned on her heel, bolting down the corridor with heavy steps. 

I turned back towards my locker, pressing my forehead against it. There was no way in hell I'd let everyone see me cry in public again. It felt as though Letha had dug her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart, now squeezing it until it finally popped. My breath hitched as I stepped away from the locker, sniffling as I felt a sob build.

Just as I was about to leave and get to class somehow, the familiar scent of cinnamon entered my system. "What did Letha want?" Roman asked, his hands tucked into his pockets as he approached. His brows were drawn together in a disapproving look as he watched Letha disappear down the hallway in unmatched hurry, and I got a good glance at him when I finally turned around to face him. How long had he been watching me from afar?

Roman's glare quickly faded away when his attention shifted and he noticed the way my eyes had glossed over. His whole tough look disappeared within a sliver of a second, and I was unsure whether he noticed it himself. "... Nothing good, I see?"

I shied away from his gaze, my eyes darting down to my shoes. "She wanted to make up all until she saw... well," To demonstrate, I turned a little, showing Roman the once blank canvas which was now covered in about six hickeys that I counted last night. It was clear to me that my attempt at hiding them had failed.

Roman could only sigh, an infuriating grin now spreading across his face. "I'm going to say sorry now, but know that I don't fully mean it because... the sight of you like this is so damn hot," He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead as he took my face into his hands. I couldn't help but notice that he was still wearing my two black rubber bands just as my breath hitched at the loving gesture.

Something about the kiss made my heart skip, but another part was ripping at me; Roman clearly cared more about the fact that he had marked me than how upset I was. I hummed in response, not knowing what else to say before much later; "Don't do that,"

"Do what?"

"Don't kiss me like that," I mumbled, pressing my back against my locker to make as much space between us as possible. "Just... Don't." 

Roman's first reaction was on display with a stunned expression, up until his brows drew together in what I could only read as annoyance. "Fine," he said, teeth gritted. His hands fell down at his sides, trying to save face as he took a step away from me; "I'm just trying to make you feel a little better, it's not that fucking deep." In true Godfrey fashion, he also proceeded to storm down the hallway, clearly flustered after being shut down.

I had to take a long breath-- this was a lot to take in for one day. Roman being in denial about his feelings also didn't help much. I wanted to run after him, grab his hand and tell him that he could do absolutely whatever he wanted with me, that I'd love for him to kiss me like that once more, but I knew I couldn't.

It was hard to believe how badly I had fallen for a guy who could barely regulate his own feelings. Someone who insisted on making it apparent to everyone that I was his without actually wanting to put a name to it. I let out a sigh, watching Roman get further and further away. Something told me I maybe should've followed him, at least asked him whether he wanted to come to my place later and sleep next to each other, but my plans quickly fell apart when I witnessed the one thing I hated seeing most in the world.

In the midst of his angry storm-off, Roman managed to turn his head to allow for his eyes to follow a girl with an exceptionally short skirt passing him by. 

I wanted to throw up-- the hungry look in his eyes made me nauseous. Everything about Roman looking at someone in the way he usually looked at me made me want to burst into tears all over again. 

No matter what I felt for him, one thing would never change; I hated Roman Godfrey. I hated him and the way he made me feel like a stomped bug. Hated the way he'd look at me after he'd make me cum around his fingers, the way he'd stroke my hair away from my forehead with the gentlest touch as I fell asleep, and the way he'd insist on driving me everywhere just to spend some extra time together.

I hated him. I hated this feeling, and especially what it had done to me, my friendships, and my reputation.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

... Thoughts of my reputation went out the window now that Roman was back in my bed. Nothing suggestive, of course-- he was currently half asleep next to me. Even more heartwarming, was the fact that he still wore my two hair ties around his wrist, and I could get a proper look at him now that he was resting. I loved this feeling; we were both wearing the items we had exchanged.

"It looks good on you," he mumbled, tugging me closer with the arm he had around me. "My sweater. I thought I would hate seeing you in it, but it's not so bad."

My body was halfway on top of his, and I couldn't help but giggle as he pressed me closer to his chest. "Why did you think you'd hate it?" I adored the feeling of being completely engulfed in Roman-- the lingering scent of his perfume stuck to the gigantic sweater I was in, and his big arms around me made all my pain feel worth it. 

All up until Roman hummed, eyes still closed as his hands raked through my hair; "You wearing my stuff makes it real... Like you're mine. I don't know whether I want that responsibility,"

I could only sigh, unsure whether I should let my heart sink just yet. Sometimes, it was best to dig around in Roman's mud of a brain before settling for the version he wanted me to believe. "So you would be okay if I was with someone else?"

Roman opened one eye, glancing down at me as he raised a brow. "Are you with someone else?"

"... No,"

"Would you want to be?"

What an odd question; one he didn't need to know the truth of. "Would you care if I did?"

Roman opened his second eye, now scouring my face to check for cracks in my facade. Something told me he wasn't buying it, but that he wasn't about to take any chances. Eventually, he scoffed, rolling his eyes before closing them again; "Fuck off,"

"Fuck off yourself," I mumbled, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I tried to dull out the fact that his arm automatically wrapped itself tighter around me before I spoke once more; "Answer the question."

"Why?" Roman shifted, pulling my whole body on top of his, letting out a satisfied sigh now that all of my weight was laid on him. "It's a stupid question. Why can't we just enjoy this moment?"

He had a point, sure-- I just didn't deem it enough. "I hope you remember that I have a lot on the line here," I placed my hands next to his head, pushing myself up to get a proper look at him. Roman eventually opened his big, green eyes, and they quickly rounded out as they met mine. Everything about looking into his eyes made me want to squeal and pepper him with kisses; this was dangerous territory. I knew had to pull myself together; "I have, like... zero friends because of this. Because I chose you. And you not wanting to take on that responsibility or whatever it was that you called it, makes me feel like crap. You make me feel like crap." 

It was clear that Roman was holding his breath without thinking about it. He stared up at me, unsure what to say; "... All the time?"

"What?"

"Do I make you feel like crap all the time?"

That was certainly a way to spin it-- taken aback, I furrowed my brows as I pondered the question. "Not... all the time, no,"

Roman hummed; he seemed content with that answer. "I know you're upset about the whole Letha thing," he said, his big hands traveling down to grab at my hips as he shifted me to sit in his lap. "I also see that I'm not exactly helping the situation, but... you can't keep blaming me for your decision."

"... Okay," His request was simple enough-- I was ready to adhere to his wishes. "But then you have to say it out loud."

"Say what?"

"That you like me,"

I watched as Roman's eyes widened, his grip on my hips tightening. His whole body tensed up, unsure whether to speak or not. It was clear that he was conflicted about how to tread forward, and I held my breath the second his plush lips parted. Roman sat up, his back now supported by my headboard. Like this, I was sat in his lap with my arms draped around his neck, and he connected our foreheads with a sigh. Roman's words eventually came out like a slow, warm whisper; "I don't know what I feel," 

It felt as though my heart had lodged itself into my throat-- what? I was about to start arguing with him, cursing him out for dragging me through the mud for nothing, all until Roman suddenly reached for my hand. He placed my palm over his heart, his eyes finding mine as he steadied his breathing. "I don't know what I feel," he echoed. "But I know that looking at you makes my heart beat faster. Feel how hard it's going?" He pressed my hand further up against his chest, something about his touch giving away the sincere nature of this gesture. I hadn't seen Roman doing anything this romantic before, and everything was practically perfect all up until he opened his dumb teenage mouth; "I'm serious. It usually only beats like this when I look at pictures of Sydney Sweeney in a swimsuit."

That's it-- I groaned and ripped my hand out of his grip. "Okay, that's enough. You need to leave, it's almost midnight," In an attempt to climb off him, I almost made it out of his lap before his hands grabbed my hips once more, forcing me back down as I yelped. My eyes widened as they met Roman's, watching his signature smirk spread across his lips. 

"Where do you think you're going in my sweater?" he purred, suppressing a chuckle. "My sweater, my rules. Give me a kiss before I leave, at least."

I huffed as I snaked my arms around his neck, feeling his hot breath against my lips. "And why should I kiss you?"

"Because you want to?" Roman didn't care to try to suppress his grin, gently nudging my nose with his as his grip on my waist tightened. His voice dropped, getting airy as he whispered against my lips; "You want to so bad."

Everything about him made the butterflies in my stomach flutter-- it didn't help that his hair was tousled in a classic heartbreaker look, along with how ridiculously soft his lips suddenly looked. 

Roman definitely noticed the reddening of my cheeks, concluding why I had gone mute. "Don't be like that," he teased, not doing a good job with hiding his amusement. "Just kiss me first, for once. Have you noticed that you never initiate anything?"

I held my breath-- "I just... don't know what I'm doing," My confession was unexpected, but it felt nice to get it off my chest. "I don't want you to think I'm clueless."

"But you are?" Roman's chuckle was one of mischief as his hands shamelessly trailed down my body, now grabbing my ass as he pushed me closer to him. "It's not a bad thing. Just means I can program you to my liking."

I didn't even act as though I wanted his hands off of me, giving in to his antics. Something about the way he was holding me made me feel awfully warm-- maybe it was time to take off the sweater? "Tell me what you like, then," I purred, putting my hands on his chest. I figured that if I had gone down this route, I'd continue my path with conviction. 

Roman's smirk only grew, letting out a breathy laugh against my lips as he gave my ass a firm squeeze. "That's my girl," he cooed. "We'll start simple." He nudged his nose against mine once more, his lips parting before his words came out in a hot whisper against mine; "Kiss me."

His words were too alluring to deny-- I leaned forward, my hands carefully laying against his broad shoulder as I kissed him. A sigh of satisfaction escaped Roman, who immediately dug his hands into the flesh of my behind to tug me closer. Everything about the way he was reacting to me reminded me of our first date, and the way he had held and kissed me in the alley when we were hiding from Letha. 

The kiss was slow, almost lazy; something about the moonlight hitting us was making it more intense. It mostly consisted of small, loving pecks, and many pauses to simply smile against one another. I wondered whether he had ever kissed anyone like this before, with a softness I didn't see in him very often. 

It was hard to believe that this was the same guy that had me running around scared for him to prick me with needles. The only thing pricking me right now was the hardening of Roman's cock beneath me. With every twitch, every time his hands dug into my hips in an attempt to grind me against him, I could only grin into the kiss. There wasn't exactly anything sexual about this kiss, but he would always get hard from the smallest little things-- I couldn't help but find pride in it. At least this was another confirmation that he wanted me.

Roman eventually grew frustrated, now trying to rut up against me just for any sort of friction. With that, I grabbed the headboard, raising myself with my knees so that he wouldn't succeed. As he groaned, I had to bite down on my growing smile; the look on his gorgeous face was too damn thrilling.

Roman's eyes were round, his chest sinking with a shaky exhale as a rosy flush lingered in his cheeks. "Anything," he breathed. "Just give me anything. I'll take it."

"Anything?" I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at; "What do you mean?"

His hands grabbed at my waist, signalizing that he wanted me to sit down on his arousal once more-- perhaps that felt like a relief in itself? Roman stared up at me through his brows, his fingers digging into my flesh. "I'm not asking you for sex. I'm being nice. So I'm saying I'll take anything you'll give me... Even the smallest thing," He leaned forward, pressing a wet kiss against my neck which had me losing my breath within seconds, now whispering against my skin; "Just touch me." Roman's needy kisses trailed up my neck, jaw, and cheeks until his breath was hot against my ear. "However you want. Don't be shy, try it out."

Something told me that Roman was secretly into me being a virgin, after all this time of making fun of me for it. However, I wasn't about to say no to the opportunity to explore with the Roman Godfrey, and I eventually sat back down on his arousal, my cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red at the sound of his muffled grunt. 

My hands went up into his soft hair, pressing a kiss against his temple as my fingers stroked through his locks. "There's one thing I might want to try..."

Roman turned to nip at my jaw, his hands traveling back down to my ass. "Go for it,"

I didn't want to give him time to change his mind; my hand in his hair tightened, pulling him away from me with an unexpected roughness. I was about to apologize until I noticed the way Roman closed his eyes, and the way his lips parted in what looked like pleasure. It suddenly dawned on me that he might be the type to like a little pain, not only cause it. However, I wasn't ready to explore that at the moment-- I had another thought to attend to. 

Roman's head lolled back against the headboard as I leaned down to kiss his neck, and it was clear to me that he was enjoying himself. It was only when his fingers dug themselves back into the flesh of my behind that I got the confidence to pull through with my original plan; I sucked down on a particular spot, hard enough to leave a mark.

I didn't need to see his face to know that Roman's eyes were wide open with the realization of what was happening. I was ready for him to push me away, tell me off, tell me to stop-- but his arms only wrapped around me, pulling me closer in a swift motion that had me grinding up against his hard cock, and Roman let out a sigh of pleasure as he let himself be marked with a blooming hickey. 

Something told me I had to be somewhat special for him to allow me to do such a thing, and it quickly dawned on me that I had never felt this happy with anyone before, despite his shortcomings. 

I liked Roman more than I had ever liked anyone before, and I had an inkling that he felt the same. Who knew something so simple could feel so incredibly good?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Knowing I had Roman wrapped around my finger, despite him not being able to properly say it out loud, had me floating around in my own little bubble. Everything concerning Letha suddenly felt irrelevant, and it wasn't taking up as much space in my mind as before. All I could think about was the way Roman had smiled at me as he passed me in the hall, the red hickey on the side of his neck peeking out past his shirt. The cherry on top of it were the two hair ties he still wore around his wrist-- he was enjoying this, wasn't he?

However, I was yanked back into the absolute shitshow I had caused for myself concerning my girlfriends later that same day.

My previous friends had never done anything more than glare at me from across the hall. Maybe the occasional overdramatic huff when they passed me, an extra eye-roll my way, and so I did my best to not pay it any mind. 

Which is why I was so shocked when the proceeding followed. 

It didn't bother me to sit alone at lunch-- not anymore, at least. I wasn't about to reach out to Roman to ask where he was and whether I could join him either; but just as I picked up my phone, ready put away my nerves and text him, my gaze was diverted from the screen and to the three girls that sat down in front of me.

I held my breath, my eyes widening with the realization that my previous best friends were staring at me with the nastiest looks I had probably ever seen.

Oh no.

Breathing deeply, I did my best to harden my gaze and keep my guard up. "What do you want, Jasmine?" I asked, putting my phone down on the table as I stared down the girl in the middle. Jasmine was the one I had liked the least in our friend group, and I wasn't surprised that she was the one to take action-- the rest of the girls always followed her like dogs, and it had always made me sick; especially now that they were sitting by her like docile animals.

Jasmine cleared her throat, leaning further over the table in an attempt to intimidate me; "We're just here to make you aware of something,"

"Which is...?"

Taken aback by my lack of reaction, Jasmine's eye twitched just slightly as the girls next to her grew more and more uncomfortable. "Letha told me what she saw on your neck. And sitting this close to you, I see it too... Do you not understand how it makes you look?"

There was no way for me to hold back my sarcasm; "How does it make me look? Do indulge, Jas," I couldn't even hold back my grimace at this point. "Why does it even matter to you?"

Jasmine's eye twitched once more, and she slammed her hands against the table with a loud thud. "What upsets Letha, upsets me! I'm just glad I found out what kind of person you truly are, and it brings me immense joy to realize everyone is starting to catch on to the truth as well!"

Despite how hard I attempted to stay neutral, unaffected, and unfazed, I couldn't do anything about the way my heart sunk. I couldn't even muster up anything to counter Jasmine's words, taken aback by the bluntness of my previous friend.

"Letha really wanted to reconcile, do you know that?" Jasmine continued, an evil snicker building in her throat. "But it's fucking disgusting that you walk around like you're proud to be fucking Roman Godfrey, especially when you know how much you've hurt her. Fucking traitor!"

Before I could protest, she reached for my phone which I had left unattended. There was barely any time to pry it out of Jasmine's hands before she stood up and smashed it into the table, the rest of her posse scurrying away from the table before the pieces of glass could hit them. I didn't have to look to know that the whole cafeteria was watching this scene play out; it was only when I heard gasps coming from around us that I truly realized the extent of what had happened.

As the glass from my phone had bounced off the table, the sharp pieces flying in every direction, I had covered my face with my hands. So, when I slowly pried them away from my eyes, turning them around to identify where the stinging of my skin was coming from, my eyes fell on the three pieces of glass lodged into the back of my hands. It wasn't too deep, not enough to scar or cause real damage, but damn-- it burned like crazy. 

With tears in my eyes, I watched as Jasmine snickered, clearly unaffected by the fact that she had caused me physical harm; "We're ready to make your life a living hell," she hissed. "That'll show you. Fucking whore."

Something inside me broke. Usually, I would've fought back, I would've said something-- but I froze. Completely. I had never felt anything like this, the mix of both physical and mental pain turning me to stone.

Fuck. Was this truly how everyone saw me? Nothing more than one of Roman's countless whores?

I knew this would haunt me for the following weeks to come, and I couldn't fight the way my mind shut down. The need to get away overcame me; with shaky steps, I got up from my table, realizing I was about to leave school despite the day not being finished. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had avoided Roman like the plague for the rest of the day-- I was almost as broken as my phone. I held the pieces in my hands under the dim lights of my desk in my room, nudging the glass around on the table. My phone had completely shattered, now just a heap of technology I held onto for the sake of nostalgia in a deep state of shock.

I kept glancing at my hands, my fingers ghosting over the three thin cuts that had parted my skin. They were thankfully not that grotesque to look at, and I was quite sure I could play it off as a scratch from a particularly large cat if anyone asked. 

Or... so I hoped. 

I wondered whether Letha knew about what had happened. Did she condone it? Had she been the one who ordered Jasmine and her gang to mess with me? Everything about this situation made my head spin-- Choosing Roman might've been the wrong decision. I kept thinking about an alternative universe in which I had never asked him to kiss me in the first place, or one where I had told Letha about my feelings for her cousin before it was too late.

It dawned on me that I had mostly likely made the wrong choice-- how was I supposed to deal with this?

Just as I was about to toss the remnants of my phone into the nearby bin, I heard a few knocks at my window which made me turn towards the sound. There he was, the last rays of today's sunlight making the bronze hues in his hair shine through; Roman tapped against the glass once more, eyes round with an emotion I couldn't piece together from afar.

I walked towards the window and opened it, leaning against the frame as I spoke; "What are you doing here?" My tone was sharper than expected-- seeing him didn't exactly make me feel any better.

"You haven't answered my messages," Roman didn't seem to be in a hurry about getting off my roof, making himself comfortable by sitting down by the window. "All day. Radio silence. I'm not really used to that from you, so... just checking to see whether you're having a stroke or something."

I did my best not to roll my eyes; "A stroke?"

"I don't know?" Roman shrugged, his green eyes never leaving mine. "What other explanation is there for a girl not answering me?"

I grimaced as I watched his expression. It was impossible to push down the intense feelings of frustration when I looked at him, all my love for him manifesting back to its usual hate-- I wouldn't have been in this situation if I hadn't met him. This was technically just as much his fault as mine. 

Why did he look so confused? It suddenly hit me that he was being dead serious; he didn't get it at all. He genuinely couldn't find another reason for my absence. "Oh," was what I managed to say, clearing my throat as I sat down on the window sill. "Have you not heard?" 

Roman blinked twice, clearly lost as he looked up at me. "Heard what?"

My eyes darted down to my hands, which I had covered with the sleeves of Roman's sweater without even thinking about it. "I thought everyone would be talking about it," I mumbled. "I guess that's a relief, then."

"What are you talking about?" The green of his eyes nearly swallowed me, and I found a tiny trace of genuine concern behind them, so miniscule I could barely notice it. "What happened?"

I wanted to disappear into a heap of nothing; it was so embarrassing that I had let this happen. My pride was definitely trying to choke the life out of me. "My phone broke," I breathed, automatically reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt out of nervous habit-- I felt my cheeks flush, nervous to be revisiting the moment that had haunted me all day.

Roman's brows furrowed, unsure how to react; "You made it sound like something really bad had happened. I could buy you a new one, no problem," He watched me pick at the sweatshirt, now reaching out for my hands to stop my destructive fidgeting.

I let out the breath I had been holding the second our fingers intertwined, feeling the roughness of his hands against mine. My eyes rested on the black hair ties he still wore around his wrist, a blooming warmth igniting in my chest and wading through all my anger. I was so swept up in the moment, comforted by the way he squeezed my hands twice, that I didn't catch the moment the sleeves of the sweater bunched up and revealed the cuts on the back of my hands. "You don't need to buy me a new phone, don't be ridiculous," I said, watching a single strand of his brown hair slowly fall over his eyes as he glanced down. "I'd feel bad--"

"What's this?" Roman's grip around my hands tightened, now bringing them up to his face. 

It felt as though my breath had gotten lodged in my throat as I watched Roman's widening green eyes scan the surface of my hands. His brows drew together once more, thumbs swiping over the unhealed wounds. The touch made me hiss, attempting to get out of his grip, but to no avail. "It's the neighbour's cat," I tried. "I bent down to pet it, and--"

"This is not from a cat," Roman's gaze darted up to meet mine, suddenly a lot more intense than usual. "I'll ask you again, what happened?"

I tried to squirm out of his hold once more; "It's not important, Roman... Forget it, please. Actually, I'm going to have to ask you to leave--"

"Tell me,"

"No, seriously, drop it! Can't you just go?!--"

Roman's grip around my hands tightened further, almost to the point of making me wince. "Tell me," His pupils widened at an eerie rate, transfixed on mine. It felt as though his words were echoing through my head, and it didn't take long before I suddenly felt as though my inner monologue froze over.

And before I knew it, my mouth had a mind of its own; "They broke my phone,"

"Who?"

I really, really tried to fight it. Getting Roman involved in this drama was certainly not ideal, and I did my best to push away the urge to tell him; why was it so strong, all of a sudden? It almost felt as though he was controlling my mind, but it was ridiculous to even think so-- that was obviously impossible. Right? 

I eventually got around to answering; "Jasmine," 

"... Who?" Roman was beginning to sound like a really confused owl.

"Jasmine," I echoed. "Letha's friend. She brought a few girls over to my table and smashed my phone. Called me a whore."

Roman was silent for a few seconds, his face going unnaturally blank. "These cuts are from your phone?"

"Yeah,"

"And she did it because you're with me?"

"... Yeah," Did he just insinuate that we were together? I held my breath, unsure why my mouth wasn't adhering to my orders-- I so desperately wanted to point it out, but I physically couldn't. What on earth was happening?

Roman hummed, his grip around my hands loosening. "What else did she say?"

I blinked several times in an attempt to get out of the trance-like state I found myself in, but nothing seemed to be working as long as Roman's gaze was locked on me. "She said she's gonna make my life a living hell," As I sniffled, I realized tears were pooling in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, shaking my head to try to snap out of it once more. "I- It's fine, though." It dawned on me that the trick was to not look at him-- I finally started feeling like myself again. "I just need to talk to Letha and check out the options for a truce, or whatever."

As I dared to open my eyes, I watched his blank face. Something about the lack of reaction was unsettling, on the border of uncomfortable, and it almost made me want to squirm. It was in this silence that a thick, red drop of blood suddenly made its way down Roman's nose, and he didn't react when it met his lips. It was almost as though he had frozen to his place on my roof, and I couldn't remember the last time he had blinked.

My eyes widened, concern filling my body. "You're bleeding," I breathed, trying to get my hands out of his. "Let me get something for you, Roman, it's gonna run down to your shirt!--"

Abruptly, he got up with a quickness I hadn't seen in him before, still not saying a word. Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice it-- the hickey on the right side of his throat. One he wasn't even trying to cover up. Despite how much Roman kept denying wanting to be with me, here he was, getting up to do God knows what whilst quite literally baring my mark on his skin.

I watched him, my brows drawing together in complete and utter confusion. "Roman?" Calling out his name didn't seem to do anything; he let the stream of blood run down his chin, now dripping down onto his shirt. I could only look up at him, unsure why he was acting like this.

Finally, Roman spoke; "Living hell, you say?" His voice was low, threatening-- it was suddenly clear to me that he had gotten a very dark idea.

These sorts of proclamations coming from a guy who had an affinity for pricking girls with needles genuinely concerned me. I got up from the window sill, ready to climb out onto the roof to join him. "Come on, Roman, let's just talk!--"

It was as though he was on auto-control, rushing to the edge of the roof before turning around to climb down. My heart beat hard in my chest as I nearly lunged out of my window, hoping to reach him in time. "Hey, where are you going?!" 

I didn't make it-- Roman had already managed to land on the grass beneath him, his long limbs an apparent advantage, and he was now storming down my lawn towards his car. 

"Roman!" I yelled, crouching down on the edge of my roof; this was definitely not looking good. My mind kept racing as I gave up trying to catch up to him, burying my face in my hands. 

I was screwed. I was so screwed. 

(a/n: check out PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10 if you haven't!! thank you for reading, more to come!!<33)

[voxsmistress]

Mama Didn't Raise No Bimbo - Part EIGHT!!!

HOLD onto your hats people this is a long one!!! Please let me know if you��re enjoying this guys – your comments absolutely make my day and make these sleepless nights writing this completely worth it!!

“Enjoy your shower, Y/n. We will see you after it, we have much to discuss” he crooned at you. Smirk growing when your gaze narrowed. Yanking your wrist out of his grip you stepped away. Winking as he disappeared when the elevator doors shut you released a nervous breath. Facing the other Overlord who was eyeing you up, displeased with what she was seeing she tutted at you.

“You gotta learn to step away when things go boom babe, blood is not kind to your clothes! Come on, lets get you cleaned up”, she slips her hand into yours pulling you through a living room and into a massive bathroom. Wait … she’s not gonna clean you right?

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Part Ten / Part Eleven / Part Twelve / Part Thirteen / Part Fourteen / Part Fifteen / Part Sixteen

Thankfully (or not depending on your view) Velvette left you alone in the shower, just popping a towel and some clothes on the side before whisking herself off out of the room but not before giving you a cheeky wink and promising next time she’ll help wash your back.

Red faced you stood in the stream of hot water – scrubbing viciously at your skin to remove the blood splatters and stains from the alabaster skin. You would enjoy the smell of the blackberry and pomegranate shower scrub you were using but you were too focused on the conversation that was going to occur as soon as you got out of this bathroom. Debating on whether you could hide in here forever, you figured probably not. Well, you could try but knowing the three Vee’s one of them would break down the door and fetch you.

Lathering up your hair with the shampoo you watch the bubbles drop down at your feet: a mixture of pinks and reds. Ick, was all that blood in your hair? You didn’t dare look at yourself in the mirror when you walked in. Scared of what you would see. It had been so long since you had last used your shriek that you nearly forgot the carnage that came with it. There should be a splash zone warning. Shampooing once more to make sure all the blood was out of it you then condition it, hoping the blood hadn’t stained your hair. That would suck!

Taking your sweet ass time in the shower you had washed every single piece of skin, hair and scrubbed all your nails and huffed. You couldn’t put off getting out any longer. If you did it would just be your lucky for one of them to pick the lock and come get you, naked or not. Wrapping the fluffy towel around your body you wipe the steam from the mirror and observe the tired look on your own face. Glad to see the makeup had thankfully come off with the scrubbing you had done in the shower you suddenly felt more naked. When you had your makeup on it was like a mask you could hide behind. No hiding now. You wrap your hair up in the small towel then dry the rest of your body off.

Let’s see what clothes Velvette had left you. Frowning at the bra and underwear you grumbled under your breath. How the fuck did she know your size? Taking the new tags off them (why would she have new ones in your size anyway?) you slide them on grudgingly, course they fit like a glove. A black short sleeved t-shirt and high waisted black cargo pants were next – fitting again perfectly but at least they weren’t revealing. Or not revealing in the sense you were showing skin, but the t-shirt clung to you as a second skin and the pants followed the curve of your waist over your hips making your hourglass figure pop. You had to give props Velvette, even her casual outfits looked cute. You wonder if you could order more of these off her? Looking around for your blood-soaked clothes and boots you realised they weren’t in the bathroom anymore. Did you miss her coming in? What the hell? Wriggling your blackened toes on the cold tile you worried your bottom lip.

Shaking your drying hair out of the towel you give it a quick brush with a spare hairbrush you found on the side, slicking it back from your face. Catching sight of yourself in the mirror you give a fierce scowl. Come on Y/n! When have you ever been afraid to face anyone? Well … apart from Alastor but that Radio Demon had a reputation for eating people!

Done with the pity party you ready to leave the bathroom, steeling yourself. Grasping the door handle you take a deep breath in and out and then leave the safety of the room. Here goes nothing.

Grateful that they had carpet instead of tiles you let your feet lead you down the hallway to the living room that Velvette had dragged you through before. Heart pounding more and more with each step you try and breathe steadily. If you faint before you even get to the living room somehow you doubt the Vee’s would ever let you forget it.

Entering the living room, you see all three of them sat down, Vox and Velvette on the sofa and Valentino on his own in a purple and gold armchair (though ‘throne’ should have been a more apt description) all on their phones and murmuring to each other every so often. It would be quite a homey docile scene if your dead heart didn’t feel like it was about to keel over. Quietly clearing your throat, you gain their attention. Vox and Velvette’s head twist sideways to look at you while Valentino peeks over his shoulder with a flirtatious smile: “Princessa finally, we thought we were going to have to come get you”.

“Sorry about that, it seemed the blood just didn’t want to get out of my hair” you chuckled, pushing back the nerves you take a few more steps into the room lion’s den. Vox motioned to another armchair that was placed in front of the TV, you would be the focus of the three. Great.

You calmly walk to the armchair, not wanting them to know how nervous you were. The cushions sunk a little as you sat down, if you weren’t facing these three you would happily sink into this chair. It had to be one of the most comfortable things you’ve ever sat on. Crossing your legs you place your hands in your lap, back straight and head turned so you could see all of them. Time to get serious.

“So?” You start, looking questioningly at Vox – who was sat in the middle – as you were sure he was the one that would lead this conversation. His responding smile was almost shark-like. And Hell, didn’t it get your motors running. Wait no. Bad Y/n FOCUS!

“So y/n, before you had to run off and wash off all that – uh – blood you were going to confess how you killed those sinners with only a small cut to show for it”. Eyebrow raising in question, if you knew he wasn’t a manipulative bastard you’d have believed that his tone was kind. Hmm. To lie or tell the truth. What to do.

“I exploded their brains causing their entire head to detonate like a watermelon” you explain with a deadpan expression. Truth it is then. Your amusement rose when they all looked at you with shocked faces. Where was a camera when you needed one.

“You … uh you what?” Allowing a small smirk on your lips you make eye contact with Vox. Yeah, not so smug now are ya.

“I raised my voice to such a high frequency that it vibrated their brains so much that they exploded, thus causing their skulls to detonate into millions of pieces – so messy but oh so effective, don’t cha think?” you thoroughly explained, keeping the eye contact with the TV Demon. Your smirk growing larger when you observed him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Good. You hoped he was thinking what would happen to him if you used your shriek. A flicker down his body told you he was enjoying whatever thought had occurred to him.

“Princessa? You are saying you killed these sinners with just your voice?” Turning your attention to the Moth Overlord, you smile prettily at him.

“Yes”. Simply put. “Didn’t Vox show you the footage?” Tilting your head as you question them. The sharp looks the two gave Vox gave you a little bit of satisfaction. Sheepishly holding his hands up as if he was innocent, he shook his head.

“I was just waiting for Y/n to give me approval to show you both”, narrowing your eyes it took everything in you to hold in the snort of amusement. When does he ever wait for anyone’s approval to share anything?

You motion with your hand for him to show them the video footage, tearing your gaze away to focus on the bookcase across the room when you see his screen flicker starting the video. You might not be able to see it but the sounds were enough to make you flinch – thankful when you started to shriek Vox muted the sound. You don’t think you’d live much longer if by rewatching the scene you accidentally explode the Vee’s brains. Though Alastor would be forever in your debt. Hmm…

At the clearing of a throat, you turn your attention back to them. Velvette looked impressed, Valentino amused and Vox … well he looked like you were a shiny new toy that he really wanted to play with.

“Well babe, I knew you had fire in you but girl!” Velvette was the first to break the silence as she laughed. Somehow that put you a bit at ease. You weren’t sure how they other two would react but amusement you could deal with.

“What? You didn’t think I was just a pretty face now did ya?” a quick wink towards her made her laugh more. Valentino joined in, smoke billowing from his cigarette.

After a few moments they settled, both their gazes shifting to Vox who was sat in the middle with his arms crossed and a mischievous smile on his screen. That can’t be good for you.

“The only thing now is, what do we do with the footage?” He asked, eyebrows quirking at you. Steeling yourself you lean your elbows on your knees. Here was the tricky bit. How to convince him to not show the footage but making it seem like it was his idea.  

“I suppose that is up to you Vox, I’d ask if you could delete it but that’s your footage and your decision now” you reply simply. You weren’t going to beg. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction. A flicker of surprise flashed across his screen before he narrowed his eyes at you.

“And if I decided to share it with our adoring public?” He asked, thinking he had that over you. The fact you kept your private life completely out of your social media – no one knew what you did privately which obviously did not go unnoticed with Vox. You didn’t give out where you lived, not who you were before hell and not even your favourite drink unless you personally gave that information out online, every single post, message and picture had a reasoning and motivation behind it. You built your life in hell on only showing one side of you: the sexy bimbo who had a good set of lungs for singing. A piece of eye candy. Someone people weren’t afraid of talking in front of as they didn’t think you’d remember or understand what they were saying. The release of this footage could ruin that image. If the public realised that you had power in your voice you might not get any more jobs. Demons and sinners would fear your singing. You could lose all the hard work you’ve put into lying under the radar. All that hard work slowly climbing up the ladder gaining more and more power.

But if you kept it quiet, if it wasn’t shown and the Vee’s used it as a way to get you into a deal then you would be under their wing. Under their power. And you were really tired of being in the shadow of other Overlords.

“I suppose then the public would hear my real voice – my persona and image I have put out has served me well. But, with demons and sinners knowing that it takes only one moment of hearing my shriek to drown them in their own blood that will gain me more respect, fear and power. You are probably doing me a favour actually” you muse, tapping your chin with your blackened finger. Pretending to consider the possibility of what you just said, a sadistic smile broke across your lips.

It grew when you saw Vox’s expression darken, another flicker down his body you were surprised to see something making an appearance in his trousers. Pocketing that piece of information away for later, you raise an eyebrow at him. His move. Velvette and Valentino looking between you both, giving each other a malicious grin. After a few moments he raised his phone that was in his hand. Clicking a few buttons before putting it down on the arm of the sofa. Shit. Had he sent it out to the rest of Hell?

A harsh buzzing on the coffee table in the middle of you all made you glance down. Your phone! Seeing a notification from Vox light up the screen – since when did you have his number? You grab it, clicking on the notification it comes up with the video file. Had he sent it to you?

Your gaze back up on the smirking TV Demon, arms laying on the back of the sofa he was fully relaxed: “oh don’t worry my little Songbird, you are the only person in Hell with that video now.” Confused you place your phone back on the table. Wait what? Wasn’t he going to use it to blackmail you into making a deal? He laughed as you carried on staring at him. “Did you think I was going to try and force you into a deal y/n?” Nodding at the obvious answer, he just laughed more. “No, not this time. You’ve managed to surprise me, not many have achieved that. I want to see what else you have hidden behind those lovely violet eyes of yours before I claim your soul”, his eyes darkened again while his voice deepened with static at the end. Biting your lip, you push the blush away that wanted to burst out on your cheeks. Breath y/n.

Least you knew his angle now.  Nodding to him, you look to the other two who had been suspiciously quiet. “I don’t suppose you’d mind keeping this to yourselves as well, would you?” You ask them, hoping they’d agree.

Velvette smirked at you before rolling her eyes: “babes, happy to keep it quiet for now but as soon as you wanna tell people you’ve gotta let me design the outfit you are gonna wear! I’m thinking Siren – all out mankiller outfit, yea? Lemme get some designs drawn up!” She was up and out of her seat before you could even blink. Amused, you let your gaze go to the smoking Moth Overlord. His tinted glasses made it a little hard to read him. Unless he was shouting or flirting you couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. You could see why him and Vox were a couple.

After a few more puffs of his cigarette, he shrugged his shoulders with a playful grin. “My lips are sealed here, mi cariño. Knowing you have that gorgeous scream that could kill makes me think of all sorts of ideas – you’d be surprised how many have a kink where they want their partner to kill them”. Pretty sure your eyebrows have been lost in your hairline.

“Really?” the question escaped your lips before you could do anything to stop it. Leaning forwards in his chair, smoke blowing towards you his smile grew making his gold tooth flash in the light.

“Yes, my Princessa … would you like me to show you some vi”-

“-no, no that’s fine thank you!” You interrupted him, not able to hide the blush this time making his and Vox’s smile grow wickedly.

“So shy when we speak about sex, amore, you make me curious” ooh it is definitely time to go now! Chuckling nervously, you brush it off and make a show of looking around.

“Don’t suppose you guys know where my clothes and boots went do ya?” Are you changing the subject? You betcha!

Taglist: @tasha-1994  @azullynxx  @reath-solia @leathesimp @klorinda @twinklethewarrior

[wordsarelife]

—lavender haze

pairing: anthony lockwood x kipps!reader

summary: despite kipps best efforts to keep you away from each other, lockwood won't stop flirting with you

warnings: none

“the beautiful kipps!” anthony lockwood called upon your sight.

you bowed down a little, hand on your chest and fluttered your eyelashes, smiling. “mr lockwood” you replied, taking the hand he was holding towards you and watching as he planted a featherlight kiss on it.

“wow” lucy muttered next to the both of you “i’d never thought i would hear you say kipps and beautiful in the same sentence”

“well” lockwood nodded “only when it’s y/n” he said

“thank you” you smiled and giggled at the odd greeting you two had just done spontaneously

“morning, lucy.. tony” quill came to a halt next to you, dropping the bag of equipment and taking a double take at your still intertwined hands.

“tony, would you be so kind to let the fuck go of my sibling?”

you stepped backwards at his angry tone and your hand left lockwood’s embrace

“hey, gentle” lockwood smiled smugly

“don’t be an anymore bigger pain in the ass than you’re usually are, tony” quill put his other bag down “my sibling's too good for you anyways”

“sure” lockwood nodded

“so what are we doing here?” asked lucy to change the topic

“yeah” said kat “why do they need both teams?”

“easy” barnes had stepped into the middle of the circle “it’s a huge property with more than just a few ghosts and you are the best teams i know, so i thought you could do it”

“great idea” you smiled and barnes nodded at you thankfully

“at least be civil with each other this one time” barnes said “it will profit you both in more than one case”

“we can do that” you assured the man, who send you a smile, before he got back into his car. “we can do that... right, guys?” you asked, now directed at the two teams around you

"anything for you, darling" lockwood smiled and you looked down, blushing. quill took you by the shoulders and softly pushed you behind him, successfully breaking lockwoods sight on you.

"we can do that" he said "but you stay away from them, or else we're gonna have a problem, you hear me?"

"sure, kipps" lockwood shrugged, but the second quill had turned around and went back to instruct his team, lockwood caught your eye and shook his head at you, laughing as you had to giggle

despite quill's continuous attempts to keep lockwood and you away from each other, there had already been a few kisses shared between the two of you, without anyone knowing of course.

"we need to split up, the building really is huge" said lockwood from next to you. quill's hand immediately wandered to your shoulder

"y/n is coming with me, of course" he said

"i don't know, quill" you shook your head at your brother "it would be smarter to pair the talents. i should go with lockwood, yeah?"

quill sighed, but couldn't really say no to your request. he grabbed your arm and softly dragged you over to his equipment. "look, y/n" he said "i know that lockwood has been wanting for you to join lockwood and co for years now, and if you really want to, i won't stay in your way"

you could see that he was sad about it. "oh, quill" you mused. "let's discuss this later, yeah? it's just for this case, just trust me, okay?"

"fine" quill breathed "but if he touches you--"

"--i will let him know that he will loose a limb, of course" you nodded and your brother smiled proudly

"okay then" he nudged your shoulder, before he hugged you tightly "be careful, and if the moment will come, let lockwood die"

"quill" you slapped his arm and your brother laughed. then you went back to lockwood

"did he say anything about me?" lockwood asked intrigued and if you didn't know the nature of their relationship, you could've almost thought that he was interested in your brother.

"no, nothing, just advised me to be careful"

lockwood nodded. "y/n and i will take the west wing"

the rest of the two teams divided into smaller groups, as you followed the boy inside.

“isn’t it kind of annoying that your brother always decides what you have to do?”

“he’s my supervisor” you just shrugged

“i know, but wouldn’t it be easier on your relationship if he wasn’t?”

“you’re gonna get him to resign? or barnes to kick him out?”

“that’s not what i meant” lockwood shook his head

“you have to be more clear, then” you played dumb, as if you didn’t know what he was hinting at.

“y/n” lockwood groaned and his voice sounded desperate now. "you know that i would love for you to join lockwood and co"

"i know" you nodded "and i like you lockwood, a lot, you know that, but i have to stay with my brother"

lockwood sighed "are you sure?"

"positive" you nodded "isn't it easier on our relationship if you're not my employer"

lockwood smiled smugly "our relationship, huh?"

"yeah" you shrugged "how about a date after this?"

"i'd like that. a lot" he let you walk through the door in the hallway first, sticking close to you while you inspecting the west wing, without finding anything.

"seems like we missed out on the fun" lockwood said later when you helped kat out away the source. the west wing had been clear of any supernatural activity and you had only wandered around until you had been called out by the others.

"no" you laughed "i don't think so" you tilted your head to the side, looking at him. "i had a good time and i didn't even have to nearly survive for that"

"okay, me too" he grinned

"y/n" quill called coming over to you "i think this tells me everything i need to know, right?" he looked between the both of you "you are leaving, aren't you?"

"i won't join lockwood and co" you said, crossing your arms and leaning against the car

"you won't?" quill asked surprised, raising his eyebrows at you, like you were trying to make a joke. his eyes jumped to lockwood, who cleared his throat

"no" lockwood answered "seems like they have a priority" he pointed at the older boy

"you're staying because of me?"

"of course!" you smiled "i could never leave the best supervisor in the country"

"debatable" lockwood muttered under his breath, but you both ignored him.

"but i want you to be fine with another decision i made"

"what is it?" quill sighed, already sensing that he wouldn't like what he was about to hear

"i'm gonna start dating lockwood" you said simply "and i want you to be okay with that"

quill sighed once again, rubbing the space between his eyebrows in a similiar manner as barnes always did when lockwood was discussing something with him. "okay" he nodded, as if he had to accept defeat "but you'll be a gentleman, you hear me" he pointed an accusing finger in lockwoods direction. "if i hear one bad thing!"

lockwood raised his arms defensively "when have i ever not been?" he asked wide eyed

"i'm just making sure we're on the same page"

"alright, thank you quill" you pushed down his arms "i'll call you" you smiled in lockwood's direction, then you send a quick look to quill, before you decided to kiss lockwood on the cheek.

you followed quill back to the car, leaving lockwood to look after you in awe.

"guess i have to get used to that" quill muttered exasperated

"yes, you have"

[ac-19]

Frowned Upon - T. Sawyer (Bravo 4)

Summary: you were trying to keep your relationship a secret, at least until you're contract with the Navy was up, but Sonny changed all that.

I could feel his eyes on me as I laughed with Lisa and Naima. This was one of the rare nights everybody could make it to the bar together and just enjoy time together, especially since the guy's deployment was coming up fast. 

"So (Y/N) when can we meet your mystery man?"

I chuckled as I shook my head. 

"No mystery about it, just keeping things private for now."

"Oh come on, it's been like three months now. Why didn't you invite him out tonight?"

I chuckled as I picked up my beer off the table and looked over at him. He lifted his beer up and I gave him a small smile before I downed most of mine. I set my attention back on the girls so I wouldn't make things too obvious. They had found out that I was seeing someone about three months ago but in reality it had been closer to a year and a half. 

Technically our relationship wasn't forbidden by the Navy, just very much frowned upon. We had known each other for years, but it was only when I got injured and was sidelined from operating about two years ago that we grew a lot closer which eventually led to us sneaking around. Right now I teach Green Team with Adam at least until my contract is up in two months. After that I'm transferring to the VA Hospital to be a nurse instead so we agreed to keep it a secret as long as we could for both our sake.  

"You think I'm gonna let him meet Sonny the first time I bring him around my friends? He'd run for the hills."

"It's cause he'd be so jealous of what we got going on sweetheart."

I chuckled as Sonny wrapped his arm around my chest and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Sonny and I always had this flirty/joking relationship. Ever since we met we kind of just clicked as friends but he is nowhere near my type and I consider him more like an older brother than boyfriend material. 

"Simmer down cowboy. Clay's gonna get jealous."

Sonny laughed as he unwrapped his arm from around me and sat down in the chair beside me. 

"Blondie has new interests nowadays."

"Yeah, what's up with him and that Rebecca chick anyways?"

Sonny shook his head.

"God only knows."

I nodded as my phone lit up on the table. Before I could even look at it Sonny had it in his hands and was reading the text I just got out loud. Thankfully his name in my phone wasn't too obvious, but I had a feeling Sonny was going to put it together rather quickly. 

"Why don't we get out of here? OH SHIT! Your mystery man is one of us."

He looked over at the next table where Jason, Ray, Metal, Trent and Brock were sitting engulfed in what seemed like a rather serious discussion. 

"Give me back my phone Sonny, and why do you make that assumption? He could just be in here somewhere."

Sonny looked around the bar and I did a quick scan. Most of the guys in here were Green Team or veterans. 

"Well unless you're dating one of your students or someone who's a hundred years old, I think my assumption is fair."

I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my beer as Sonny kept staring at the text on my phone. 

"Four red hearts... HOLY SHIT! It all makes sense now, Trent's got some mystery girl we know nothing about and you've got a mystery man. Wait now, Trent's mystery girl has been around longer than you're mystery guy though so I'm doubting myself now."

I shook my head. 

"I'm not entertaining this Sonny."

"Oh come on (Y/N/N/), you two were always close when you were Bravo 6. It would make sense."

Great, we got everyone's attention now. I looked back at Jason and caught Trent's eye, but he didn't even bat an eye at the whole thing. I mean would it be the worst thing if our friends knew about us?

"Ok so Trent's mystery woman showed up after you left Bravo and that was..."

"You know Sonny, my head's not too sharp since the injury so you know the timeline's a little blurry."

"You have a metal rod in your hip and blew out your right knee. What does that have anything to do with your head, you jackass?"

Amidst the conversation Trent got up and headed towards the bar. I didn't want to say anything that would make him uncomfortable so I extended my hand and grabbed my phone out of Sonny's hands and tucked it into the pocket of the jean jacket I was wearing. 

"That's enough of that Sonny."

"You know me better than that by now sweetheart. I'm not gonna drop this."

I rolled my eyes as I looked over at the bar to find Trent only to realize he wasn't there anymore. I put my head down only to feel someone's presence behind me and a beer being put down in front of me.

"Since we're dating now, I thought I'd buy you a beer."

I chuckled as I looked back at Trent.

"Thanks babe."

"I can't tell if you two are serious or if ya'll are just fucking with me right now."

I chuckled as Trent leaned down and planted his lips on mine. I smiled against his lips as I brought my hand up to the back of his neck. 

"HOLY SHIT!!! I WAS RIGHT!! Davis, you owe me twenty bucks."

I couldn't help but laugh as Trent and I pulled away from each other. So much for keeping this a secret any longer, but it was a weight off my shoulders that our friends knew about us, that way we didn't have to be so secretive anymore. 

"You know you guys didn't have to keep this a secret."

"We were gonna tell you guys. After my transfer."

Jason nodded. 

"Well we're happy for you guys. Now Trent even if she has a metal rod in her hip and a busted knee she'll still kick your ass if you're being a jackass."

"Oh trust me I know."

I chuckled as I looked up at Trent. 

"Hey guys!"

We all looked over at Clay and he gave us a confused look. 

"What'd I miss?"

Everybody just started laughing and I couldn't help but smile. I was so happy that we didn't have to sneak around our friends anymore. 

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview with Evan Ross Katz (2024)

Whether he’s carrying Kylie Minogue to the Hyde Park Festival stage with his pal Andrew Scott, making the Internet go collectively feral for merely running a half marathon, chasing dinosaurs (in the upcoming Jurassic World reboot), romancing Matt Bomer (in Fellow Travelers) or Simone Ashley (in Bridgerton) or Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo (in Wicked) or, with his most recent venture, launching an LGBTQ+-focused charity, it seems Jonathan Bailey is always up to something. And yet, he still makes time, from his hotel room in Thailand (where he’s shooting Jurassic World 4), to hop on a Zoom with me to catch up.

We discuss everything from chafed nipples to queer shame to who he’d like to see in the “Drink Your Milk” T-shirt to if we’ll see him on Broadway any time soon, which is to say it’s a brief but wide-ranging chat.

I haven't seen you since the Met Gala! When we last spoke, you were prepping for your first half marathon. I obviously saw the viral photos that went around of you at the finish line, but how did it go?

You know, I should have put those nipple stickers on. That's my main takeaway. 

[Laughs] Did you bleed?

I did a bit, yeah. Did you? I know you've done a couple of marathons. 

I did bleed, and I didn't know about the bleeding beforehand. It's not something you really hear about but it's painful and uncomfortable.

Totally! And not even just beforehand: It took ‘til 4 hours later when my best friend told me there was evidence [of the bleeding]. But anyways… it was euphoric!

At least there was no photo evidence of that element!

Exactly! So thankfully, it's done. But it's just the most amazing thing, isn't it? And the community as well. Hackney Moves is amazing and they raised loads of money. It was the Bridgerton [Season 3 release] week so I feel like you could sort of harness that.

I do have to ask you a pressing question: Days ago, it was announced that Wicked had moved up its release date and will now be released the same day as Ridley Scott's Gladiator 2. Many online were affectionately calling this Barbenheimer 2.0, which led many to try and speculate about a proper portmanteau. Jon Chu wrote on Instagram that the consensus seems to be “Glicked,” which you reposted on Instagram, signaling a cosign. But I have to ask you, Johnny: Are you not considering“Wickediator”?

I love it. Whatever Jon Chu has ever said to me, I’ve taken as gospel, so I actually hadn't explored all the other options. The one that I've now heard since then which is making me reconsider everything is “Gladicked.” [Laughs] It's quite good, isn’t it? 

Yes! To me, “Glicked” feels too Wicked-skewed and then “Wickediator” is just clunky AF, so I like where you're at. 

We want it to be equal footing for sure. Another thing that I love that went viral is someone going: “Oh, brilliant. A film for the ladies and a film for the ladies.” [Laughs] 

I am both ladies! 

Oh, yes. Me too! 

Let’s talk The Shameless Fund, the charity you founded to raise money for LGBTQ+ nonprofit organizations. Can you tell me about the formation of this project?

It's been a labor of love over the last three or four years. It's been quite an organic experience, mainly inspired by Fellow Travelers, hence why I started with a collaboration which references a very specific scene and a performance by Matt Bomer.

I think through Covid and Bridgerton coming out, I found that there’s a real sense in the queer community about awareness of people who came before you and other experiences. And then obviously in Fellow Travelers, which explicitly explores that, the character I played was sort of on the front all the way through a very complicated experience for gay men at that time.

He experienced real moments of blooming liberation and quite insane amounts of oppression as well, and he was always fighting. He ends up becoming an activist, essentially, and I think it was in playing that part — which was kind of spiritual for me and for everyone who's involved in it — that I was like: Right, okay. I know that I've got this idea in my head and having experienced how much love there is for things like Bridgerton and how much money there is in collaboration, I felt that there's so many things I had said “no” to because it didn't feel quite right for me but if there was a world in which I could marry all of it in a creative sort of cocktail, then why not? And to give back to the community that I so love, and also, I'm a massive beneficiary of the work that the people that came before us did, so that's where it came to fruition from. 

You collaborated with our dear friend Jonathan Anderson, the creative director of Loewe, on a T-shirt with a memorable quote from Fellow Travelers to promote the launch of The Shameless Fund. How did this collaboration come to be?

During the strikes during the filming of Wicked, I went on a run one day and this idea of a T-shirt came into my head in full form. Then I sat next to Jonathan [at a Studio Voltaire fundraiser], and he’s lovely and brilliant and naughty and has a foundation, so it was all kind of organic.

Then I went over to DC to present Matt Bomer with an award for the Human Rights Campaign and it was really galvanizing to experience the American fervor. It was a gala, and the energy in the room was absolutely wild and there were amazing stories on stage. I texted Jonathan and I said: “Look, I have an idea and it involves milk and a T-shirt. What do you think?” and he said: “Call me tomorrow,” and then he said yes within the same phone call. I just felt tentative because it’s the sort of thing where you ask and you don't know, but then it went from there. 

I do recall first seeing a photo of you in the shirt several months ago during a night out with the Loewe team in China…

I went to the Loewe exhibition in Shanghai, which was incredible, and that night, we had quite a big night out and I wore the T-shirt because I’d been given the first prototype.

I was having a little boogie and [Anderson] uploaded it whilst I had no access to the Western World — my phone was off the whole time. So by the time I came home, you could see that people were gonna go wild for the T-shirt. Now, it's sold out and we're gonna get some more and it'll be a first step for The Shameless Fund to raise some money. 

Jonathan Anderson did my and my husband's wedding looks and I had to send him that same initial text to be like: “Can one even ask this?”

That's what's so brilliant in life: People who have the ability to collaborate, and that's just what Jonathan does.

One thing that you said just now that struck me is: “Why not?” I interview a lot of people in your profession and they're not asking that question all the time. A lot of people say:

“Oh, there's lots of money I can make. I can have more money. I can have more things for myself.”

Why are you a “why not?” person rather than a “why”? Is that something that was imbued in you by your family and your upbringing or is it how you've always been?

I don't know. I just feel quite strongly emotionally. I sense injustice in certain places, and I think what comes with success — especially being a gay actor — is that you think: “Hang on a minute. Are there limitations? Are there glass ceilings?”

When you experience success that you never thought you would and you grew up thinking that you're limited because of your identity and who you are, I think about the people that have supported me and the people that were really pioneering, but also, the actual heroes who do the real work; the people who work for these nonprofits and these charities where the majority of their energy is spent trying to raise money. When Bridgerton came out, I was inundated with requests to help draw attention to [these organizations] or raise money or donate things that they could sell, so that's where the kernel of this idea came from. All my life, I’ve been thinking about how I can give back.

It's not for nothing that you call this The Shameless Fund. We grew up at a time when, and I don't know if this is the same for you, but I didn't know that gay people existed. I thought I was the only one because I didn't have access to the kind of media kids do today where you can go on Instagram and see that gay is not only acceptable; it's cool. There's this very significant paradigm shift. I feel like a lot of gay men of our generation felt this shame as young people and often spend a lot of our adult lives working to rid ourselves of it. What is it for you about this idea of shame? 

I totally agree in terms of generations. I think the queer experience changes every five years. Even with some of my friends who are 10 years older than me — it's just so specific to cultural moments and representation as well, as you're saying. But I think my understanding of shame, especially having experienced Fellow Travelers, is that it permeates. It's not just a community that experiences the shame; it's the people around them. It's the parents who don't understand it and kick their kids out of their house. It's the sisters, it’s the cousins, it's the nephews, it's the children that are in broken families because of it. It's actually so toxic, that sense of self-hatred. That’s why The Shameless Fund is actually something that I hope is going to benefit everyone, even beyond the community itself.

Also, the older we get and because of the world we live in now, you can read The Velvet Rage and you can read Matthew Todd’s Straight Jacket and you can explore and have conversations with your friends that are really enlightening and you can have therapy, if you're lucky enough that you can afford to do that. As a 36-year-old now, I look back and I just go: “My God, I had such a loving family and yet I was still so isolated and so crippled.”

Shame can stop people from having a proper education and from being able to structure proper emotional relationships, like fundamental relationships with their family, which is the one place you're supposed to feel safe. It's flawed if the family is not aware of what you're going through. 

How did you come up with the name?

I did have other names [in mind for The Shameless Fund], but we won't go into them. One was so aggressive! [Laughs] But “The Shameless Fund” felt punk enough and fundamental enough. To me, I think that to be without shame is to be able to be joyful and to be able to thrive and to be able to learn and have a bloody good time whilst doing all those things, so it just felt right that it should be targeting shame because then hopefully it benefits the whole community in every color on the pride flag and, in turn, will also help so many people around them. 

So what can people expect next?

There's going to be some really fun things coming with The Shameless Fund and there's different ways in which it can grow, but I have people who really know what they're doing who are helping lead it. By the end of the year, we'll hopefully have worked with three different charities, starting small and helping people understand the work they're doing because that's the most important thing. If you think about Instagram, other than chatting with Evan Ross Katz [laughs], that's the platform through which you can really draw attention to things. Literally anyone in our community who's thriving at the moment — in a community that's obviously under threat going forward — knows what it's like to receive support. We know what we missed growing up.

I, too, grew up with an accepting family, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t still feel ostracized. I appreciate you recognizing that nuance, one I think many of us experience in some form but don’t always discuss.

Now, on The Shameless Fund’s website, it does say that more collaborations are coming. As you said, there’s going to be a restock of the Loewe shirts, but are there other brands in the mix?

There are other brands, and it'll be really exciting because the scope is endless, but I definitely had a couple of other ideas. After Fellow Travelers, the next thing will be a Wicked garment, so you might have to keep your eyes out for that. Maybe jumpers and sexy boots?

That’s perfect for my fantasy! So we've seen Kylie Minogue wearing the shirt — who I was lucky enough to be introduced to by you on the dance floor at the Met Gala after-party, thanks again — and we've seen Kit Connor, Scarlett Johansson and your Bridgerton co-star Luke Newton sporting it as well. I'm wondering who else is on your wishlist of celebrities that you'd like to see in the Drink Your Milk T-shirt?

Oh, God. What a question! Great shout. I would love to see Jerrod Carmichael in it right now. Very specifically Jerrod Carmichael. 

I feel that.

I would also love to see Hanson in it. Their three-part harmonies are a knockout at the moment.

At the moment?

[Laughs] We were just talking about this today. I’ve literally just come away from a field where I was running towards or away from dinosaurs, and we were talking about Hanson for about four hours today and listening to their three-part harmonies. 

That is not what I was expecting.

Who else? I can only think of people who are going to be wearing it over the next few weeks, which is quite exciting. Is there anyone you want to see in it? 

I have quite a few people. First of all, Jamie Dornan. I would love to see him in it. Paul Mescal, for obvious reasons. And the fans are waiting for Matt Bomer!

Don’t you worry. They’ll be satiated! They’ll be quenched. And Andrew Scott had a good time at Glastonbury is what I’ll say. [Laughs]

I bet he did! Last but not least: Richard II is bringing you back to the stage. Wicked is giving us the musical theater moment we've been craving. Is there a musical theater moment that’ll be live on stage in Jonathan Bailey's future?

Potentially, actually. Maybe in 2026. 

On Broadway?

I would! I had the best time recently in New York and I watched as many things as I could. I saw Stereophonic, which, to me, was like a religious experience. That, and Oh, Mary! And Cole Escola.

That is what it's about. I would come back to watch that; I was so inspired by it. Obviously, I'd love to [be on Broadway] at some point and you just have to wait and see what pops up. 

Source

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for putting knob covers on the stove that my disabled dad couldn't open?

So I (26M) recently moved back in with my parents (60M and 58F) temporarily because I'm kind of between apartments right now. My dad has Parkinson's disease and has, over the years, become both clumsier and more absent-minded. An important symptom of Parkinson's that will become relevant in this story is that he also has partial anosmia (his sense of smell is impaired).

So anyway, about a year and a half ago, before I had moved out, one day I came home from work and smelled gas as soon as I entered the house. I discovered one of the burners on the stove had been left open, and gas had been seeping into the room. I turned off the main gas supply, opened all the windows, and waited outside while calling my mom about it frantically. It turns out Dad had been cleaning the oven earlier and must have bumped the burner with his head while leaning in to clean the door. Because of his anosmia, he had not smelled the gas. I kind of freaked out and threatened to remove all the knobs off the stove, because I felt my life was in danger, but my mom talked me down into believing that it was just a fluke and probably wouldn't happen again.

Anyway, fast forward to the day before yesterday. I woke up after sleeping in late (I work night shifts now) and went to go make myself some food, but for some reason the GFI circuit breaker to the stove outlet had tripped. After resetting it, I immediately noticed that the lower drawer oven was on, because the knob had been left on. That oven is a little broken because the drawer mechanism is bent, so it doesn't close fully - I'm speculating, but the only thing I can think of is that the breaker must have tripped because the drawer was open and the heating element couldn't keep it up to temperature without getting so hot it exceeded its current rating or something. There was no gas leak this time, thankfully, but I knew my dad must have left it that way since my mom never cooks in the morning, especially not with the oven, ESPECIALLY not with the broken drawer oven. The only logical conclusion was that he accidentally bumped the knob again and didn't notice again. This time, thank God it wasn't the gas again.

I basically just told my mom that I was getting knob covers for the stove, and she agreed. So I got some on Amazon with next day delivery and installed them as soon as they arrived. I then took an afternoon nap, and then spent a few hours in my room playing video games and talking with friends on Discord. I was home the entire day, though, and he has my phone number and is able to text if he thought it would be impolite to knock or something. He didn't say a word to me all day.

Apparently, though, he got furious with my mom because the knobs have safety covers on them now. He told her he can't open them (although I later walked down the stairs, and found one of them open, and I had not left it that way - he definitely can, I think he just had trouble figuring out how at first. They're child safety caps so unfortunately they're a bit tricky to get open) and that now he was unable to cook for himself. He did not ask me to help him get them open though, and I would have done so in a heartbeat. He has not said anything about this to me at all, not even anything subtle or passive-aggressive.

I discussed it with my mom, and we agreed to leave them mostly closed but unlatched - the latch is the difficult part to get open, but they stay closed enough for them to keep the knobs from being bumped even if they are not fully latched shut. My mom agreed to communicate with him better about stuff like this. But if he asks to have the caps removed completely, it's a hard, hard no - I don't want to die in a gas explosion.

AITA for doing this?

What are these acronyms?

[lets-try-some-writing]

The Grim Dark Archives: Statement #005 Named Cybertronians

[Statement taken from [Redacted] on [Redacted: Sensitive data] regarding known Cybertronians. They were asked to elaborate on the Cybertronians that have been recorded as being present on Earth after the alien known as Cliffjumper was killed in action. We know very little about the event, but supposedly Cliffjumper was deployed to search for Decepticon activity.

According to the report given to us by Optimus Prime, Cliffjumper found where Decepticon agents were mining energon and promptly initiated combat. This resulted in his capture by the Decepticons, and although a corpse has yet to be recovered, the Autobots reported that his vitals flatlined.

High command saw fit to use [Redacted]'s knowledge to try and gain an understanding of just how many aliens we could possibly be dealing with in the near future. Thankfully [Redacted] was more than willing to speak on the matter and has already expressed an interest on elaborating more on certain individuals.

Statement begins.]

══════════════════

Oh this is the kind of question I will gladly answer. Collecting data on people, organizations, a various beliefs is my specialty. Now, since you are already familiar with the Autobots, I shall begin with them.

Let's start with the two wheeler. Her designation is Arcee, as you know. She is of a small sub-class of Cybertronians known as 'femmes' and well known for her abilities. Let me warn you now, femmes are some of the most terrifying Cybertronians out there, and not for the reason you may think. They may be small and seem feminine to you organics, but our femmes are built with strange and unique abilities alongside their differing processing methods. I will go more in depth regarding Cybertronian femmes a bit later. For now, all you need to know is that they latch onto the mentally or physically weak amongst our kind. And at that point, they claim the mech in question and slowly prepare to use their ability and... improve them.

Don't question it right now. There will be time for explanations later. For now, we are doing an overview aren't we? Anyway, her records do not go back to before the war, but personal investigation leads me to believe that she likely worked for the High Council in some capacity. She has ties to the Primacy but largely sticks with the Prime because he likes having a femme around to throw at enemies. Femmes are vicious creatures. Honestly considering how much Arcee liked him, Cliffjumper was a dead mech walking anyway. He's lucky to have been killed by the enemy rather than face the fate of those chosen by femmes. I've been the subject of a femme's interest once. I barely made it out alive. Thank Primus the Archives took me before she did.

Cliffjumper is rather irrelevant now, but I will go over him anyway in case he somehow manages to walk off whatever the Decepticons did to him. He actually doesn't have a ton on his record. He was a regular recruit, one recorded signing on sometime around the height of the war when factions had to be picked. There was nothing out of the ordinary about him, and in fact, he fell below average strength levels for most soldiers. That is probably what got Arcee interested in him. Poor mech came from one of the outer cities and probably didn't know what in the pits a femme even was. Its unfortunate that he's dead, but I honestly do think it was likely in his best interest. He would have dealt with so much suffering otherwise.

May he rest at peace as one with the Allspark.

Next up is Bulkhead. You know? The one who beat me into scrap? Don't play stupid. I am no fool. I am well aware you saw that footage. We will be discussing that later. Now about him, he is a Wrecker. His augmentations are specifically made by Wreckers for Wreckers and he will die for the organization. All those who join the Wreckers are bound to them forever. There simply is no escape once the augmentations are finished. Most don't want to leave, and Bulkhead falls into that category. I can go into more depth about the Wreckers and their... beliefs, a bit later. At the moment, let it be known that he does not give a flying frag about you squishies. He follows the creed of his kind and thankfully for all of you, that creed does not permit unnecessary damage to native lifeforms of foreign worlds. Last I checked, he serves the Prime because that is part of his duty and Prime gave him the means to deal with a grudge of his. He has a personal investment here on Earth because he heard that there was a rouge Wrecker here somewhere.

No I will not elaborate right now. You lot need to be paying close attention to what comes next, so I will not linger on topics at the moment.

Ratchet is the resident medic. I believe I have expressed my fears before, but seriously, medics are DANGEROUS. I cannot emphasize that enough. The insane fraggers hyperfocus on one field and one faction and they stick to it like glue. They cling to their alliances and progeny like a parasite and will fight and even maim one another over patients. Ratchet is one of the best and worst medics I have ever encountered. His genius is legendary and he is one of the few who have ever been able to absorb all medical knowledge without focusing too hard on any particular field or falling to medical madness. Yes that is a real issue amongst my kind.

He also is not quite as insane as the others because of his upbringing out in the middle of nowhere during the age before the Quintessons came. But with that said, his motives are dubious at best. He is loyal to the Prime alone and would gladly frag over anyone who is not a medic or an Autobot. He also is not fond of you fleshies, but he does his job and should probably not be too bad so long as you don't catch his interest. Honestly getting the interest of any of my kind is a bad idea, so I suggest just not doing that. Medics in particular have one pit of a subculture that makes them a pain in the aft to understand, even for the average Cybertronian.

Now, moving on from the mad medic, Bumblebee is the team scout, and for good reason. He is totally unaugmented. He has no attachments whatsoever. No commlink, no programming, no battle codes, no inbuilt weapons, no specializations, nothing at all. He is practically a civilian and has to work himself half to death just to keep up with the rest of our kind who get augments nearly the moment they are old enough to handle them. If you are looking for the safest Autobot, you will find it in him. He is still one of my kind, but possess a great ability to empathize, or at least offer aid without expecting something in return. He never got any alteration programming, which may explain his more reasonable disposition. But of course, there is a reason for that.

I will not go into detail right now, but Bumblebee is kept from receiving augments on purpose. It is easier for mecha without augments to receive the Matrix of leadership and live reasonable lives under its control. Optimus is by no means loving, but he cares for what he sees as his. Bumblebee is being trained to be physically stronger than the others and mentally hardened so that he can bear the burden should Optimus fall. Either that, or he is being prepared to carry the weight of our people's history if another is found more suitable. The Prime is currently a walking databank for all of Cybertronian knowledge. One way or another, Bumblebee will carry the weight of one station, be it that of the Archive or the Matrix. He cannot escape, but it does not seem like he wishes to. He is loyal to his Sire and to the cause after all.

As for Optimus Prime himself? He is a whole series of statements on his own. To give you the thousand mile high overview, he was originally a dock worker. He was normal, much like Bumblebee. He had the attention of a femme, but he seemed to have a reasonable lifespan on him regardless of that fact. Then the Archive took him, and there he became one of theirs. He was one of the many sets of optics and frames which belonged to the Archive. And yet, he took interest in Megatronus, the leader of the Decepticons. Orion Pax, as was his name at the time, had his reasons for being involved. However through a series of accidents, he found himself being prepped for war. He was offered as a sacrifice, and the last resort relic that is the Matrix of Leadership was given to him. Since then he has led the war and done everything in his power to take what he sees as his.

He is a master at manipulation and adaptation. He can and will find information on every subject and devour it like a starving mech. If he finds you interesting, he will tear you apart to gain every last fact and iota of information. There is no escape from him, and until he gets what he wants, he will not allow anyone to stand in his way. His goals are complex, and even I do not fully understand. But he fights all the same and will kill you regardless. Be wary of him. He is by far the most dangerous simply because he has lived so long.

Primes do not last longer than a few millennia. And yet Optimus has lived for over four million years. That should be a sign that he's clever and has ways to bypass what we have always assumed was a death sentence.

For the Decepticons, there have only been three confirmed units and one unconfirmed thus far. I will explain any others as they become relevant. To begin, there is Starscream, the Lord of Vos. He is a seeker, a subsection of flight class Cybertronians that do not fall in line with normal standards. Seekers were complete isolationists before the war, even going so far as to have their own ever moving city, language, and culture. They do not use modern technology, they do not worship Primus, and their rituals are savage even by Cybertronian standards. I will go into more depth on them later, but for the time being, just know that Starscream being the Lord of Vos essentially puts him in the position of Shaman for his kind. He is a follower of nature and seeks to keep things in balance while remaining faithful to his culture. Due to how little is known about Vosian culture and Seekers as a whole, he is unpredictable. His motives are almost entirely impossible to figure out and he will fight in the way of the ancients. By all accounts the Seekers should have been wiped out eons ago, but their methods are... surprisingly effective.

Cunning and strange, Starscream's methods are unorthodox and his loyalty is all but void. He serves whatever it is he worships, his people, and himself. That is all. He has no mortals or ethics even amongst our rather loose ones. The only benefit you humans will find in his nature is that he is not fond of killing without reason and likely will leave you alone if you don't bother him. But of course he is a spontaneous mech and could just as easily turn up in the dead of night and slaughter you all will no explanation. Leave him be, that is my suggestion.

Soundwave is Megatron's second in command, at least behind the scenes. He joined up with the Decepticons long before they were official and knows more than I care to bother explaining. Not a spark actually knows what he is, but him and others like him, such. as the Autobot Blaster, have an ability that gives them an edge. He is able to house symbiotes, beings that I have no real clue where they come from. Soundwave and those like him are recorded appearing out of the blue randomly only to then latch onto mecha of interest in a manner like femmes. Those mecha proceed to live out their lives normally, but usually just before death, Soundwave and his kind will drag them off never to be seen again. Within a few vorns, a new symbiote can be noted running around. I hypothesize that whatever is done to the dying plays a role in the creation of symbiotes, but I do not have enough information. Soundwave serves Megatron, that is what matters.

He can get into just about anything and very little is known about him as a whole. No known motives, no known origin, no known anything really. He is a stranger who appeared in the pits alongside Megatron and simply never went away. Keep clear of him if you can. He is a mech that even the average Cybertronian tries to steer away from.

Vehicons are clone soldiers that might as well be civilians with toy blasters attached to them. They are normal mecha who are held together by some grand communication array that I am not familiar with. They are mass produced, hold very little value, and oftentimes do not have much personality aside from the one that they all share. They work without question and die in droves before being promptly replaced. Honestly your biggest concern is possibly being stepped on. The Vehicons are untrained newsparks at worst and competent but low level ground units at best. Until they develop more as individuals, they are not too great a threat save for when they are sent out in waves.

Lastly there is Megatron, currently MIA Lord of the Decepticons. He came from the mines of Kaon and somehow managed to work past the slave coding installed in him long enough to simply wander out of the pits. He was a scumbag in the redlight district for a while before spontaneously ending up in the pits as a Gladiator. There he gained a following and did his best to fight for his cause before ultimately turning to war to make things more faster. This backfired horribly if you can't tell. Now he is a mech who seems lost more often than not. He has been noted having patchy memory, more so after every interaction with Optimus Prime. He is only as cruel as was normal in the redlight district and his most concerning trait is his astounding lack of care for anything orderly or organic. He hates programing or augmentation and only tolerates it in his soldiers to win. Augments enrage him to such an extent that he has been noted acting out of normal parameters in response to heavily altered individuals. He wants chaos, that is what you need to know.

If he thinks it would further his ends, he would gladly wipe this planet off the map. However he does nothing without reason, and so unless you garner his attention, you should be fine. Stay away from him, don't mention anything related to the Archive or the Matrix, and all should be well... for the most part.

I can tell you more later, but for now, you best keep your organic optics on the happenings going on. If Cliffjumper is dead, it means there is a very real chance things are going to spiral and do so fast.

══════════════════

[Statement end.

The timestamps have been removed from these reports in response to [Redacted]'s information on the Cybertronian known as Soundwave. What information we have is critical for our survival, and we simply cannot risk it being destroyed even if the alien able to do so with ease likely won't ever bother to damage our files.

We expect [Redacted] to be giving us much more data soon, especially since they have begun to warm up to me and my fellow agents since their repairs were completed. They have also requested to be referred to by masculine pronouns, perhaps as a sign of trust? Whatever the case, we are making progress. Hopefully we will have a reasonable way to fight back against the aliens soon, at least if their guns settle on us.

Agent Witwicky signing off.

Recording ends.]

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

hey, regarding a post where you discussed how you wouldn't post wamuu in his pillar men attire, and would instead opt out for modern clothing, i feel like this isnt a good approach to the backlash and i understand if youre only doing this to satisfy others, but if that is really the case that is on them for being sensitive over cultural clothing.

i dont want to be overly rude but putting someone like wamuu in modern clothing is just so out of character for him, and if you want to mischaracterize him for the sake of others thats okay i guess, but i just purely believe this is not an appropriate way to execute this

instead just so others dont feel "uncomfortable" with skin which you literally see in the manga and anime, maybe you could add things like warnings, you continue drawing his cultural clothing and tell others to ignore it, or you could just simply post it somewhere else so they have an option to see it or not. not trying to be rude at all, just some criticism since putting wamuu in modern streetwear strips him of his culture which we see he is so prideful of in the anime/manga, and i feel you taking that off his character is a stupid decision all because some people are unhappy with the amount of skin we see in your drawings and both in the anime/manga

i dont mean to be hateful but the way you are handling this is so blatantly throwing wamuu's character away all over some discomfort which can easily be fixed by the viewer if they just looked at your other works and ignored things they find uncomfortable

please dont come after me either, im only half of your age (14)

You're fine, and you know what? You're right... I only did that because I noticed people were uncomfortable with the amount of skin showing on both my character and him. To be honest, I really didn't want to draw him in human clothing

I lost some followers and a mutual because of the outfits (which Wamuu and the other pillarmen canonically wear btw). Kars is almost naked for heavens sake, but it appeared that the only thing others had a problem with was my self insert being shirtless.

I don't want to cover up my self insert's top surgery scars, and I don't exactly want to draw Wamuu in the gym clothes that much anymore (unless he's in disguise, like how Kars was in the series)

But I think I could meet in the middle and just cover up my self insert's chest with a crop top, while at the same time being able to show faer scars (I may never be able to have top surgery in real life, so that's why I proudly display them in art)

I wasn't doing this because they were sensitive about Wamuu, it appeared that others really didn't like the fact my character in particular was showing so much skin (even though fae's showing less skin than Kars)

I'm not upset at all, in fact, I think I'm going to just throw out the "human clothes" thing anyway and just go ahead and put a crop top on my self insert. That way everyone's happy:

• Wamuu, thankfully, gets to stay in his pillarman clothes

• My self insert can still be an honorary pillarman and wear the pillarman clothes

• My self insert can wear a crop top and have faer scars showing at the same time

I won't rb the human clothing drawing anymore, instead I'll edit the other drawings so my character will have a crop top similar to Wamuu's. Plus, all drawings involving Wamuu can stay with him wearing his pillarman attire

I admit, I got a little sensitive because I'm a people pleaser. I guess it started when my drawings were getting reported for sexual content on Bluesky (thankfully not anymore)

I really want this to be the last of this issue because I'm an anxious person...

So to recap:

• Wamuu gets to stay in his pillarman clothes

• My s/i gets to still show his top surgery scars while at the same time wearing a crop top

• I'm not upset, however I will work on trying not to be so sensitive and simply rolling over to "make everything better", which in turn made things worse...

This kind of woke me up a bit... Plus I love drawing Wam-Wam in his pillarman clothes

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 14 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

Zo: Aloy, is everything all right? You rushed out pretty fast.

FlameHairSavior: Oh, just more problems to fix. Turns out that even though we have the other subfunctions, we can't actually get HEPHAESTUS, because it deleted the Alpha Override from its code! Which I didn't even know was a thing that could happen!

β: iut likely

β: it was likely only possible due to both its programming knowledge and its distributed nature over the entire caldron network

β: calkdron

β: cauldron

Zo: I actually already knew that. Beta and I discussed this.

FlameHairSavior: So now I have to go find the Omega Override, which hopefully is in Faro's bunker, which hopefully is in San Francisco after all, which hopefully the Quen can help me get inside.

Marshall Kotallo: The Quen are the invaders from across the sea, correct?

FlameHairSavior: Yes. They use primitive Focuses, about twenty years out of date. I only met the one who didn't try to kill me, but she seemed nice. I think she'll help me get what I need.

FlameHairSavior: Also, she might think I'm a goddess, or something.

β: what

FlameHairSavior: It's a long story, and has to do with the Quen religion, which I don't understand.

Zo: How long will it take you to get to San Francisco?

FlameHairSavior: I have no idea. Probably a while.

Zo: Then you probably have time to explain why you think she thinks you're a goddess.

FlameHairSavior: [Exasperation.png]

Zo: And I'll keep Erend from making any jokes.

FlameHairSavior: Deal!

ForgeLordAleMaster: HEY!

FlameHairSavior: Too late, no take backs!

ForgeLordAleMaster: I DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANYTHING TO TAKE BACK!

ForgeLordAleMaster: WHAT WOULD I EVEN MAKE JOKES ABOUT, ANYWAY?

HIMBO: Probably about how this is the second religion that's declared her some sort of holy person.

ForgeLordAleMaster: THAT'S SOME LOW-HANGING FRUIT.

FlameHairSavior: I don't know the full details, but apparently Alva recognized me as Elizabet Sobeck. Thankfully, she seemed to realize that I wasn't actually Sobeck, but she played it up for the soldiers.

β: why would that even matter

FlameHairSavior: Seems like they worship the Old Ones. Or something. I don't know. It reminds me of the Nora revering the Matriarchs, except they're dead.

FlameHairSavior: She talked about the “Ancestors” and “the Legacy” a lot.

HIMBO: Are you sure you should trust them at all? Didn't you say the first Quen you met shot on sight?

Marshall Kotallo: There has certainly been no formal attempt at contact with the Tenakth. As far as I know, no soldier has survived contact.

ForgeLordAleMaster: SURPRISED YOU'D ADMIT THAT.

Marshall Kotallo: Downplaying a threat does no good to anyone.

ForgeLordAleMaster: TELL THAT TO AN OSERAM.

Marshall Kotallo: I... believe I just did?

HIMBO: So, Aloy, what's Alva like?

FlameHairSavior: Inquisitive. Better with a bow than I expected. I think you'll like her.

ForgeLordAleMaster: AND YOU'RE GOING OUT THERE TO SOLVE ALL HER PROBLEMS AND BECOME HERO TO YET ANOTHER PEOPLE.

FlameHairSavior: What? No!

FlameHairSavior: I mean, she already got what she needed. Mostly, I think.

HIMBO: Was it because of you?

FlameHairSavior: I mean, I just helped translate a few files for her.

β: is this the part where we make bets i think im supposed to suggest a bet

FlameHairSavior: No.

ForgeLordAleMaster: YES!

β: then i bet all my shards that shes in love with aloy before the end of the mission

Marshall Kotallo: Hm, seems you have some fire in you after all. Very well, I'll take that bet.

FlameHairSavior: No! You're not allowed to bet on that sort of thing!

ForgeLordAleMaster: PRETTY SURE WE'RE ALLOWED TO BET ON ANYTHING.

ForgeLordAleMaster: I SHOWED YOU THE SPORTS, RIGHT? THE OLD ONES BET ON ALL SORTS OF STUPID SLAG.

FlameHairSavior: Beta, where did you even get money?

β: erend taught me to play machine strike

β: he is not very good

ForgeLordAleMaster: I LET HER WIN A FEW ROUNDS SO THAT I DIDN'T SCARE HER OFF.

β: no youre just not very good

ForgeLordAleMaster: DON'T YOU HAVE A GAIA BOX TO BUILD OR SOMETHING?

HIMBO: Erend, I never thought I'd say this, but I think you need an ale.

FlameHairSavior: This is going to be a long trip.

Chapter 14 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[tiredmamaissy]

Writing smut about Neteyam is just wrong. Even if he is aged up, doing that so you can write it is still weird. Stick to Jake Sully and adults, but this isn’t right. Don’t ignore this.

Aging Up of Characters

All characters in my literature are adults, in terran and human years. Meaning, when I'm writing them I see them as adults. Therefore, I will portray them as such - mentally, physically, culturally, etc. Although my blog is an nsfw blog, I include their character development outside of smut. Moreover, age isn't really counted on pandora. Na'vi age quicker than humans do and experience a plateau until their senior years (which they can live for well over a hundred years). What really matters to the na'vi is passing their iknimaya - that's what makes them an adult (ready for a mate, etc).

Anyways, this isn't necessarily my main point, but it's something to keep in mind going forward.

Now, I know James Cameron did such an amazing job at portraying these aliens in a light that us humans can really relate to them, didn't he? To the point where perhaps we could start applying our own laws to them. I guess that's why it's so hard for people to really differentiate the two species sometimes :) but, you know, the na'vi are humanoid aliens, after all. aliens that have their own way of life and biology? that live on another planet? that doesn't exist? are we forgetting that these are fictional characters or something?

Most importantly, their actors are of age, yes? Yes. So I don't personally see the issue here. I can distinguish that characters and actors are not synonymous, but my point is, if their actors were underage that would be a different story. Yes, I am also aware of their age when avatar was filmed. But, they grew up - much like their fictional characters will in the next movie. Everyone was once a child - everyone grows up.

I do my upmost best to tag my fictions properly and thoroughly. If there are any fictions that you feel I may not have tagged correctly, feel free to let me know. I have no issue with being corrected, I would honestly love to be corrected. My intention is never to cause harm to anyone. If you don't like this type of content - which is totally fine and your right - I strongly recommend you avoid consuming it. Especially if it's triggering. You'll have my respect if I have yours.

Anyways, I do hear you, though. I understand it, even. You're entitled to your opinion, as am I. I mean no harm to anyone, and thankfully because the characters I'm writing about are fictional - fake, it won't harm them either. No pressure to look at my (extremely nsfw) blog or to read my (heavily warned) content - you definitely have a choice here.

But here's my (also unsolicited) advice:

Remind yourself that these are fictional characters. They don't exist :) Meaning no one here is being hurt or harmed in anyway. Take a deep breath and find comfort in that. Please also remember, that there are much bigger, and better things to worry and advocate about. To be clear - yes, pedophilia is a serious issue. But, throwing around such a word when regarding aged up fake characters from a movie really dilutes it and is disrespectful to the real life victims of pedophilia as well as other victims of sexual abuse, child porn, human trafficking, slavery.. unfortunately the list goes on. These are the people that need to be advocated for. So, I would strongly encourage you to channel your passion to advocate for real life matters - not blue, fictional aliens. Because truthfully, me and my blue alien fictions should not have this magnitude of an effect on you for you to seek me out and take time out of your day to message me about it.

To conclude, I will not be engaging in any further discussions relating to this topic. This is my perspective. If you don’t share a similar one, that’s fine. Do not engage with my explicit content, especially if you are under 18. I feel very strongly about this. My content is intended for adult consumption only as it contains explicit adult themes pertaining but not limited to - pregnancy, birth, sex, dub-con/dark themes, heats/ruts, etc. If you are a minor messaging me about these things you should not be here in the first place. All further comments & messages will be disregarded and blocked.

'nuff love,

issy.

--

[honeysuckle-venom]

Warning: weight loss mention (no in depth discussion about feelings yet)

So. Those of you who keep up to date with my personal posts will know that on Monday I saw a new hepatologist to discuss my many (non-cancerous) liver tumors and what to do about them.

The answers I got were more or less what I expected. Thankfully, I don't need any scary procedures any time soon, and possibly won't ever need surgery, which would be fantastic. As I suspected, I'm not a good candidate for resection anyway. Since I'm largely asymptomatic we don't need to look into something like trans arterial embolization right now, let alone transplant. Yay! Also, they said I can safely eat moderate amounts of soy, which is great, because I like soy based foods. That's the good news.

There were a few pieces of bad news. The first was that while I knew I couldn't be on estrogen based birth control, they said it wouldn't be safe for me to risk progesterone based birth control either. I have to stay off entirely. So that kind of sucks, I hate just getting my period naturally every month, the pmdd symptoms are so much worse that way. But I'll take horrible cramps and mental health struggles over tumor growth.

And speaking of mental health struggles being preferable to tumor growth, the other thing that was made very clear to me was that I absolutely must lose weight. Estrogen production increases with large amounts of fatty tissue, and the doctor said that's the main reason these tumors are worsened by weight gain. She thinks that the amount of tumor growth they found was within the margin of error, so it's possible it didn't grow, but if it did grow it's likely because I gained some weight in the past year. (They're going to look at all my MRIs during rounds next week with a radiologist to see if it really grew or not). It was made very clear to me that the only way to get them to shrink is to lose weight, and that if I don't or if I gain weight I'm at serious risk of them growing.

So. Weight loss. Apparently not super optional. I mean, I know I have bodily autonomy, I could decide not to lost weight technically, but yeah the consequences here are serious and not worth messing around with. Which means for the first time since I was an anorexic teenager I will be trying to lose weight.

I have...a lot of conflicting feelings about that, but this post is already long and I feel like those feelings should go in their own post so I can adequately explain and trigger warn. So. I'll stop here for now.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Who else is going out?

Well aside from those 5, I think the rest of us are gonna be on Jabberwock Island.

Yeah or if anything comes up...

... *Hajime looks over at Mikan walking over to Nagi, Harumi and Tenmei's table*

Pa-Pardon me, um... ca-can I say something?

Hm, oh hey Koyuki, do you need something?

We-Well, I-I wanted to apologize from yesterday... sitting with you guys...

Oh right that, yeah admittedly that was a bit...odd, I mean Nagi did tell us your situation so I get why you became attached.

I-I know, and again; I'm so-sorry for doing that...

I-I ne-never been tr-treated that nicely and wh-when I saw you all inter-interacting like that, I wa-wanted the same too! Bu-But I know now that wa-wasn't okay; so again, I'm so-sorry...

Koyuki, it's fine; I do understand that you wanted to sit with my parents and I get that, I do understand.

But even then, it was uncomfortable for us but as long as you realize what you did, hopefully you won't make the same mistake again.

Yo-You forgive me...?!

S-So you aren't mad, n-none of you!

Well, as say it was awkward when you did sit with us...

But don't worry, it's fine; at least you realize where you went wrong and are learning from it.

Ye-Yeah but don't try stripping or anything, sorry just... don't do that...

Yo-You all, your... your so nice and kind, th-thank you for forgiving me.

Well hey, at least that's good now how about you go sit with the others, okay?

O-Of course!

*Koyuki walk over back to the others*

Well... at least she took that a bit better then I expected, huh?

Thankfully she does, I was worried she might reacted badly or suggest to strip.

Yeah, that is concerning, huh? But anyway, Nagi; your father told me you told Hajime about that thing we discuss last night, correct?

Ye-Yeah, a bit... seems uh, I did something that wasn't okay for a therapist to Hajime, but don't worry we talk about it and now he knows.

Wa-Wait, what did you do...?!

Nagi, you should of just stay where we are living instead of wandering back to your cottage; do you realize how dangerous that is, I mean what if he try something to you!

Wh-Whoa hey hey, chill mom it's fine; we talk about it and I promise myself to not drink again, I don't need to be reminded!

I know but still; that was careless of you.

C'mon Haru, I mean - that's not the worse thing Nagi has done; I mean given how you were like, I think what she did is tame in comparison; I remember Hitomi brought up that you cause a lot more damage...

I mean... yeah, true; I mean at least it seems Hajime didn't try to have his way with her, thankfully but still Nagi, you shouldn't do that especially as your taking care of people.

Yes, mom...I know it was dumb, stupid and careless but I can assure that won't happen again.

[clouds-of-wings]

I guess I can post this now... this is the video to the new Therion single, out 2 days ago. As you can see even from looking at the preview picture, it's AI generated, by Stable Diffusion to be precise.

So, the latest one in the sad parade* of "bands I like that have no problem with screwing over visual artists to save a few bucks and have their heads in the sand about how it might impact them to legitimize this way of making content"? Thankfully no. Christofer wrote a very long text about his opinions on AI yesterday, which are generally very critical of how the technology is used. The video above was apparently made without his input, he hadn't specified that he wanted AI and was in fact a little shocked when he got the video and didn't want to use it. But it was also too late to order another video, so he figured he'd take it to avoid not having a video at all, and also use it to start a discussion. There had apparently been some AI stuff in the "Twilight of the Gods" video too at first, but he had made them take it out.

Being made with Stable Diffusion, the video of course uses stolen art. The bot is also doing its best as a "bias automation machine", as the meme goes, by accompanying a song about Turkish mythology with imagery of Arabs, Arabic stuff, and deserts, an inaccuracy that was apparently lost on the production team behind the video, but very much not lost on Turks on YT.

Anyway, Christofer would, based on his text, like it if people thought about the future of the arts for 0.05 seconds before jumping head first into AI, and also thinks we need to "strengthen the cult around real art" to keep human-made creations alive. And complain a lot, of course. Under videos like the one above.

--

\* Those are by no means the only bands that come to mind, but they are the biggest ones that I am in some way interested in and that I have seen use AI openly. A couple of smaller bands I like did the same, but I don't wanna hate on them on my blog since they're basically just some random people with a hobby, not public figures. I did try to be more understanding towards them, but I don't know if I really succeeded at that.

[ener-chi]

Review for Ener-chi:

Imagine for whatever reason the spirit world has some hold on you that you can't escape. To make matters worse, you're not at the level to handle it by yourself so you seek out those with the abilities that can. Alright, shouldn't be difficult right? Incorrect. Things that have happened to me on my search: scammed, ghosted on and just feeling like I'm left in a ditch in the middle of nowhere with the sound of howling coyotes approaching. Thankfully, I'm a stubborn cow that just wants to chew my grass in peace so we climb out of that hole and give a finger to the coyotes. Here is my review of Ener-chi aka Zach!

Skill level: intermediate.

it's a given if you've gone through Zach's posts with his adventures in the astral or the readings he's done for others. With the readings he's done for me it's been the whole "what I needed to hear" and not "what I'd like to hear to stroke my ego." My ego was out of control once so Zach didn't sugar-coat the message from my spirits. The end result? Me with a metaphorical black eye. My ego? Bruised, swollen and crying like a baby for days on end😥😰😭😭I was ganged up on by not only my own spirits but the spirits of Zach's cards too. Looking back, I know I deserved it and my spirits did try giving me spoonfuls of honey but noticed me being greedy and thought enough was enough. Painful truths serve a purpose so between them and a beautiful lie, I prefer the former's bitterness because who's ever heard of "good" medicine that tastes sweet anyways?

Spirits like to talk in their own cryptic ways so I'm not surprised when I asked for clues related to something I need to search for in the physical only to be redirected to something seemingly unrelated but likely is related. Zach's readings made me feel reassured that my spirits do have my back. If they didn't care, they'd fill my head up with helium and I could descend down a path of egotistical madness that repulses me down the road. The spirits that care for me remind me of my own physical friendships where if a friend told me they want to jump off a cliff I'd berate them and probably take a taxi over and beat them over the head in person some more. My friends would thank me for that and I'd thank my friends for doing me that favour too if I said something like that.

There was a time one reading turned into a healing session and I've got to give props to Zach's ability for that; something was deeply buried in my energy that previous practitioners didn't detect at all. Even my guides who keep a watchful eye over me didn't sense it. This nasty yucky thing Zach said was leftover rotting energy that I'm thankful he removed. In the physical, it seems that this nuisance was aggravating my negative moods. The moment it was taken out I felt wayyy better. More relaxed and less hurt by whatever weighed on my mind. After that Zach helped configure my energy which I guess the nasty thing stunted from working normally. My energy has since entered a sort of "clearing out" state. So if I was worried something threw a metaphorical wrench in my clockwork it's since been taken care of.

Maturity: a humble dude.

There's a quote I'll paraphrase that goes something like, "people can brag about being enlightened but those who truly are just let themselves be and their actions speak," I'd say Zach is definitely the latter. Zach cultivated not only his abilities to be able to decipher the messages of the spirits and heal others but also as a person which is demonstrated by his patience and willingness to discuss things with people. He has, in my opinion, stayed humble and not strayed from growing both spiritually and in the physical as a human being. You can't separate the physical from the spiritual since they're two sides of the same coin; whatever injuries you get from either side it's gonna show up, so you can't neglect either. Speaking from observation, some practitioners neglect their humanity and it shows in how they treat others.

In the past, I've approached various somebodies that presented themselves as open to helping others only to do the exact opposite and I'd be worse off. So I'm forever thankful Zach isn't Ike that and recognizes the responsibility and weight of this line of work. I'm not afraid to ask for clarity which he is happy to provide. On the economical side of things, he's willing to work it out and godbless him for that. There's people who would charge up to $100 if not more than $300 for a single reading that they'd say has NO guarantee to help you. IMO, if they're not a scammer then they might as well be one. I don't joke about the fatalities energetic injuries can lead to physically so if somebody is that enamoured with money they're fine with you dying and being in debt thanks to them they shouldn't dare claim they're "enlightened."

You could hire anybody to compliment you, even probably hire lots to insult you and some would offer to do it free of charge but somebody who can get rid of a parasite that's giving you months of insomnia you never had in your entire life? it won't cost an arm and a leg?? PLUS they're not an asshole???! A national treasure find.

Conclusion: highly recommended.

This was written because I had this nagging voice in my head saying I truly wish Ener-chi would get more love for what they do! I thank whatever forces looking out for me that led me to them. For as long as Zach would allow it I'll be back to check in with whatever's going on that side for me. It's easy to talk to him, he's level headed and channels the voices of the spirits well. Also if stuff is going down with your energy he can tell you straight away if it is from spirits giving you unnecessary grief. If you've eliminated the usual physical checkup then maybe it's time for a spiritual energetic one.

In light of me opening up my readings again, I wanted to share this wonderful review that I received! I always love getting feedback on my readings, because it helps me grow and improve. But I also love hearing about how it resonates and how it helped you. That's probably one of my favorite parts about doing a reading 🥰

Thanks again for the review, anon! It's absolutely wonderful and I'm incredibly grateful for it, and for you too (:

Blessings!

[agro-carnist]

not sure how any of this will be taken but it is all well-meaning and if i seem harsh anywhere it is probably the autism, because i don't hold malice toward you.

i appreciate your response to everything that's been happening. i must admit that it hasn't changed my opinions on the posts you've made or art in question, but i want to emphasize that suspecting someone is a pedophile or a zoophile is Never something i deprive joy or satisfaction from (it's just scary.), and hearing you explicitly say you are neither and explain why is truly a genuine relief.

i do believe you when you say you are neither. i am also appalled to hear that anyone has compared you to people like hypnotistsappho, i cant imagine how awful that would feel.

while my opinions (in regards to the art in question, the enjoyment of minor/adult relationships, or my belief that engaging with potentially dangerous paraphilias is indeed a bad idea) will likely never be changed, i did read what you've said in good faith and i will make an effort to atleast think over the points youve made. i also do not believe in thoughtcrime and do recognize that many of us can fall into black/white thinking regarding kink and the like.

i personally am also into kink, although it falls into "tamer" categories (for lack of ability to think up a better word), and to an extent i understand where some of what you say is coming from. i suppose regardless of my personal morals, in the grand scheme of things, as long as you arent hurting anyone (which you thankfully dont appear to be) it isn't my business and i don't need to understand anyway.

there is one post i wish you'd addressed but i can see why you didn't because it wasn't really in discussion much, and maybe isn't as big a deal as i am making it out to be. but as someone else with diagnosed ocd your post about (and forgive me because i do not remember the exact wording of your post. i promise i am not trying to put exact words in your mouth) "antis secretly enjoying the things that they claim disgust them" was really gut-punching to see and to be completely honest i felt a lot less open to hearing your side of things for a while after learning about it, because it just felt so mean spirited...

i know it wasn't aimed at other people with ocd but i wish you'd taken into account that other people with ocd would probably see that post before making it. especially since ocd is something you have personal experience with and know what it is like to suffer from. while we may disagree over the morality of much of what's being discussed, i am sure we can both agree as people with ocd that being told you secretly enjoy the thoughts that scare and disgust you or that go against your morals is never fun. it is a trigger for me but i think it is rude to imply this even to people without ocd. im not sure what i want to get out of sharing this. but i did want to be honest about how that post came off to me since i feel quite dissatisfied about it

all that really matters i guess is that you've provided clarification and were honest in your post. i really had no idea what else to think with what information and pieces we had beforehand, and now i simply hope we can all quietly avoid eachother in peace.

That's all I really want. I just want to be heard and understood. I really appreciate this. I'd rather be in civil disagreement than fight each other.

As for your concern on that post - I completely understand the concern there. There was a context for that image and I didn't expect it to be shared on other sites. I made that at a time when a lot of people were making "my favorite ship dynamics" tweets but using it to vilify other ships. It was kind of a trend to post your favorite ship dynamics with a doodle of generic blob people showing the dynamic. A lot of these were "problematic" tropes and a lot of people started a pushback trying to shame the original tweets. I was annoyed seeing tweets all the time that essentially boiled down to "the best and only valid ship dynamics are healthy and wholesome relationships." So I made that as a jab at them. I see a lot of hypocrisy among those types. I know a lot of people, including myself, would preach only what we deemed as healthy or unproblematic but had deeply repressed interests in the "problematic." And also heard of many instances where someone like that would be found creating and/or consuming equally nasty art. It was meant to point that out. I didn't mean to imply that everyone actually has secret taboo fetishes or that people genuinely upset by certain tropes are lying. I understand that can be upsetting and I apologize I made people feel that. Like I said I didn't think it would leave that context. It was just supposed to highlight a harmful attitude I kept seeing. In hindsight I could have made that clearer. I want people to accept their fantasies and not live like they're trying to cover them up by being a hostile moral crusader but I dont want others to feel hurt for that to happen. Again I'm sorry that it came to people getting triggered by what I said