#anyways reddit sucks ass what else is new

[pa-pa-plasma]

why are people always so upset when you say liking Rowling's content & participating in that fandom is a red flag? "i put on TERF clothes & trans people attack (block) me" yeah dude because you're cosplaying as a fucking TERF. who would even want to do that let alone get so mad about it you actually turn into a TERF for real to defend your shitty children's novel that actual good authors said was shit back when it first came out. it got rejected by multiple publishers for a reason bro maybe take the hint & read something else

[theoneofwhomisblue]

Maybe following 3,000 people isn't great

Because I fucking hate scrolling through this fucking site now

I'm not even joking, I fucking hate this shit

This site sucks ass

Also if this post has less than 10 notes in 3 hours I'm deleting it

I know this is completely my fault. I also don't give a fuck

I'm too tired to curate my page to be decent for me

I'm so fucking tired

This site sucks ass

Reddit sucks ass

Tumblr sucks ass

The Internet fucking sucks

Google is constantly bitching at me to pay for more space in my account cause I habitually download every Tumblr and reddit image resulting in 13 gigabytes of bullshit

I fucking hate this

Anyway

I'll find better stuff to post tomorrow

Or not

I don't know

I'm so fucking tired

Kill myself

What the fuck do I do with my time now? Is there another site or app worth my time?

Tumblr's ass, I'll still use it but it's dogshit

I'm too tired to even do reddit anymore

Twitter is fucking disgusting and gets worse by the day because of dipshit mcmusk

And that's all that comes to mind

YouTube is constant background noise, but the algorithm there is fucked up too

I hate every video thats recommended to me

I'm not doing fucking tiktok

I don't care about my standards anywhere else, but no fucking tiktok

What else is there now?

Oh yeah, I can't comment on webtoon because I accidentally said fuck in a comment, so all the fun community stuff there is gone now too

All the webtoons suck ass anyway

The only fucking app that hasn't disappointed me is cookie clicker

Been playing it for like 400 days

I make continual progress

I just check in every two days to pop the wrinklers

Then after a month or two on a run I check in after a week

Until my legacy points start to plateau, then I reset

And get all the upgrades I can afford

Buy 5 grandmas, then 90 more, then as many more as I can afford that'd a multiple of 100

I do the same on everything else

Except the fractile engines, which I buy as many as possible, no matter the multiple

And buy all the items

Then at that point I start the research facilities, then start one, and check back in 30 minutes until I've researched them all

Then I top off the fractile engines and leave for a day

Then check every day, popping the wrinklers until a week in, then every 2 days. Then after a few months once every week

Then I do it all again

And spend all the legacy points on the upgrades I can afford

It's rewarding you know

Consistent anyway

Unlike reddit and Tumblr and Twitter and YouTube and everything else, it doesn't fuck me over on the algorithm whatever the fuck

Reddits decent for the porn, that's all

You know, I used to use a lot of sites for porn

Dozens and dozens of sites bookmarked

Then at some point I started to only use r34 reddit nhentai, and occasionally the good ol hub

I didn't use to have accounts, I'd depend on my memory for different images and accounts and artists and comics and shit

Then I made accounts on r34 phub reddit e6 gelb nhentai and half a dozen others

And started saving things

It used to be a fun game to try to remember

Now it's gone

But I'm too tired to continue that anyway

Anyway, same shit everything else as with the porn at this point

No variety

Nothing fun

It's all annoying bullshit

With the Advent of machine learning chat bot whatever the fucks, there's a little bit new

But aside from that, it's just the same thing every day

I'm so fucking tired of living like this duxe

The fucking internet used to mean something

Now it's just the boring status quo bullshit

And I know that it's because of me

But still

It fucking sucks

I don't want to do this shit

And I spend like 10 hours a day on the Internet too

More than ever

But I'm not happy

Barely entertained

But it kills time

If I need information, porn, music, videos, whatever elze

Entertainment

I get it

But I'm not happy about it

It's shitty

I feel like shit

Like, my life outside the internet is decent. But the Internet consumes so much of it, and I don't even like it anymore

I don't know if there's a fix

Or if I should just stop being so online and shit

I'm too tired to do anything anyway

I don't know

I take pride in what I achieve for some reason

But as soon as I get the imaginary goal point, I don't give a shit

Over a year I got a shit ton of reddit karma on a new accoutn

A specific number, that I won't say to keep myself from seeming like I'm trying to brag

But once I got it, I no longer cared to comment or post

Over 2 or 3 months, I don't remember, whenever 196 shut down, I got a relative shit ton of followers

Again, a specific number, but I won't say

I'll keep that number secret, cause I can

But once I got this imaginary amount that I thought I'd never reach, I didn't care anymore

I still posted as much as I did before

But I got no joy out of it

I just post, wait a few hours, then check to see how many notes

If it's an amount equal to what I think is average for the amount of followers I have, I feel kinda good, then post again

But that's it

I don't scroll anymore, except occasionally on my followers profiles when I accidentally click on them while looking through my new notes

And I enjoy that

But other than those fleeting moments, and the small satisfaction I get from high note counts I don't care

I don't care for Tumblr or anything else on this shit

I don't know man, is this how other people do stuff on the Internet?

I don't think so, people always have strong emotions on the Internet

I emulate my internet behavior to match, which makes me think that maybe more people do the same as me

But I have no evidence

I don't know, I'm too fucking tired of this shit

I just got an apathy about the Internet at this point

Apps, sites, everything

I just don't care

But I'm always on it

It makes no sense

I should probably proofread this post as I go

This is just a stream of consciousness at this point

I won't check it as I go

Maybe I'll make this a thing

Just typing my unfiltered thoughts for like 30 minutes then posting

Depends on the notes I get

If the notes are bad I'll just delete it and forget about it

Who knows

I guess I keep trying to do that

I'll do something new on Tumblr like this

And think "oh, maybe this'll be a new thing I do" then it dies

At first it was my consistent posting of reddit shit for like a year ago

Then I stopped posting that consistently

Then it was random screenshots of mine

I even made a tag for that one

Then it died

I keep thinking of myself as someone important because of my follower count

Which doesn't make sense as it's not even a lot

But still

I don't know

My delusions of microcelebrity status are the only thing keeping me on this site/app at this point

If I didn't have that, and the fuel for the delusion that is notes I'd be gone

I did already fuck my recommended tab

And following tab

And tag tab

It's already all bullshit

I guess I can keep my narcissism about my status in this site because of the top post by notes tab on a blog

I just click into someones

And 9 times out of ten, they don't have top note counts even comparable to time

Which fuels the delusion

It's the same thing I'd do on reddit

"oh this person only has [x] karma, when they've been on reddit for 3 years. And I have triple that, and I've had this account for 6 months. I'm better"

Shit like this is what makes the internet garbage

I don't let it bleed into the theme of my posts and comments tho

I let it make me feel superior than everyone else

But if I made that obvious in any post it'd be for naught

For that reason I'm considering not posting this anymore

Whatever, this post is already super long rambling bullshit

If it gets good notes a single anecdote in it won't matter

And if it doesn't get good notes I'll delete it

Then there's no harm

I just thought of that reasoning now to keep doing this post

Cause I got sunk cost fallacy on this at this point

It was a vent thing at the start

Now it's just me trying to think mildly interesting shit to add

I guess I can use that other reasoning to post anything

If it goes bad, delete it, and no one would have saw it, and no one will, so I matters naught

And if it goes good, who gives a shit

Nothing I post would be bad, maybe cringe, maybe rambling bullshit, as this js

But not bad, so it'd be fine

I lost my train of thought

I think I was gonna say something else about what I'm posting, and how it would be fine

That's gone now

Poof, into the abyss that is lost thoughts

This does kill time tho

It's been like 40 minutes since I started this

This is basically what I do in my mind if I just let my mind run, uninterrupted

But here it's written down, with line breaks, and exact words rather than a mix of words and images and concepts

So it's more digestible

I suppose it's not completely true to say this is my pure train of thought, not just because of the exclusion of images and concepts

But also because I'm listening to music

Just enough to mild my mind so to speak

My mind is always going man, and if I don't have something to dampen it

Like music, or weird fidgety things I do with my hands (I don't know the word), or exact things to focus on, I think way too much

And spiral and shit in stress

But then my thoughts are too frantic and fast to write down before they disappear, so in a way this is as pure a log of thoughts as anything could be

You can tell the theme of how I sound now, vs at the beginning

If you don't want to scroll up you can just look at the tags

I typed them near the beginning

And haven't added to them

Nor deleted them

So you can just look slightly down to see the notes

It's not even the right topic anymore. It's still on reddit

And Tumblr and internet shit

Oh yeah, speaking of

I've just said my Tumblr scrolling is bad without specifying

But to specify now, it's like scrolling through Twitter

Weird serious discourses

Arguments

Peculiar topics

Shit like that

You know, not the Tumblr I had before

And if I don't like scrolling through Twitter, why would I be here? And that's the bind I'm in now

I only stick around anymore because of the notes, as I said

I'm back to using punctuation occasionally

Not too much, but at least some commas

No periods though, they seem too intense for a stream of consciousness thinf

Question marks too, but that's about all

Oh yeah, stuff I was talking about before

Webtoon

I shit talked webtoon

It's not too bad

I just fucking hate slice of life shit, dumb "funny" shit, and worst of all romance

I fucking hate romance webtoons

I can't stomach them

And webtoon is constantly shoving exactly those down your throat

And when my tolerance is low to begin with, and I enter webtoon, and it throws a fucking popup in my face for a dogshit new romance thing, I damn near snap my phone in half

But it's not too bad

I just read the fantasy/action/thriller/horror/drama (ones without romance shit) ones

But I can't navigate the canvas section decent at all

By design obviously, canvas doesn't make webtoon money, the originals do

But I'm too tired to work against them

So I only read originals

But at least they post regularly

I read around 70 webtoons now

Which is to say, I read the new episodes of them when they come out

With such a large selection, I have like 4 webtoons minimum updating every day at 7:00 pm

8:00 when there's time change

But 7:00 most of the timr

It notifies you at 7:30 but they update at 7:00

Except for the goblin one, which updates at like 7:20 for some reason

And the daily pass ones, those update at 8:00 for some reason

But they notify you directly at 8:00 for those if I remember correctly

Even still

I remember roughly which days are best

Tuesdays have the most, like 15 updated at once

And ones I really like too

Fridays have a handful, and the one daily pass that I read as they come out week by week

Saturdays have like 4 I really care about, then like 5 I think are mediocre, but they kill time so Saturdays are good

Mondays are ok, but that's about it

Wednesdays are kinda ass, but they're decent

Thursdays used to be amazing, but after like 3 I really care about went on hiatus, Thursdays don't matter anymore

But having like 60 (because 5-10 are on hiatus at a time) new episodes a week, divied up across the week pretty well

Is nice

Now, I did accidentally say fuck in a comment, because there was a guy shipping children and saying sexual stuff about it, then there was a reply on it from another guy defending it. So I got mad, and typed a paragraph saying why that was fucked up

But I said fuck

So I can't comment anymore

I don't know, webtoons ok tho

I was just pissed off earlier

What else was there

Oh yeah reddit

I've actually been temp banned from Reddit (like my entire account) twice for using up too much server space on bullshit

There's this thing where you type u/profanitycounter [self] and it tells you how many times youve said certain swears in like the past 500 comments

So, for a joke, twice I've copy pasted "cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum...", The max amount of times you can in one comment (a few thousand, I can't remember), then do that in a comment chain with myself for like 150 comments in a row

And it takes me several hours, but it's funnt

But it resulted in a temp ban for 2 days

Then like 4 months later, a temp ban for a week

Cause I used too much space, or bandwidth or whatever the fuck doing that

Also I got banned from r/Barry for saying the last season was ass

And I got banned from r/notinteresting for a reason I don't fucking know

But aside from that, my accounts clean

With a shit ton of karma too

Oh yeah, I use the same username (or a derivative of it) for every porn site account I make.

If you can find it out somehow I'll give you the passwords to the accounts

I doubt anyone could, it's a different username than I use for anything else

But there's hints

If anyone cares I'll even give you a few more hints directly in a DM if you ask

Though I will be vague as fuck

Been doing this for over an hour now

I wasn't paying enough attention to when I started

I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that Tumblr has no character cap

Let's hope so

I'm too tired to continue this shit

I guess this ends it

Let me know if y'all want more bullshit like this

I, personally, always like an unfiltered look at someone mind

But that's me personally

Maybe my mind is bland and uninteresting

Who knows

I'll stick with what I said at the beginning tho

Less than 10 notes in 3 hours and this post going bye bye

I got a headache from this shit

I thought way more than I usually do

Now that I'm more chill, I don't hate tumblr

I fucked it up for me

But y'all are good

Tumblr's good

[cadavaberry]

WTF, reddit

Well fuck me... I'm back. I never thought I'd come back to Tumblr, but thanks to reddit's idiotic new changes, god knows what's going to happen to the site I joined via recommendation from my university's FB page, and actively participated in since 2011.

11 years on reddit and now they're destroying the site the same way Tumblr got fucked in 2013. Is it still like that? I miss old Tumblr, even if I didn't spend as much time here as I did on reddit.

Good riddance to the site that disgraced Aaron Swartz's spirit by removing him from the list of co-founders (Why though? Just to be assholes? Spez strikes again).

I privated my sub & received an automated mod mail telling me to open it or else. Take it from me then. It's all meaningless now.

Worst part is, the APIs they're charging money for are the same APIs that allow people with disabilities to use reddit in the first place. Because reddit's accessibility tools are allegedly so ass that blind folks have to rely on third-party APIs to make it usable. Apparently reddit doesn't even comply with ADA guidelines completely? Please let me be wrong.

Where is everyone going now? I heard it's Lemmy.world, while others are on Discord or kbin or other such platforms. This sucks. I wish there was one centralized site everyone could migrate to. I'm sure reddit will eventually rebuild itself with shitty new rules once it goes public.

I suppose this rule change is a purge for them to get rid of their old userbase to welcome in a new base of people who are easier to control? The kind of people that don't care about tweaking their reddit experience, and are happy to roll with the changes reddit decides are best for the site and/or advertisers.

Speaking of changes, I've never had the need to use reddit mobile apps or Apollo and such, just the old reddit basic ass vanilla theme from when I first joined the site. Once they get rid of that and force the redesign on everyone, I'll probably end up finding the site frustrating and unenjoyable to use and use it less, hopefully.

Anyway, remember spez faked a lot of posts early in reddit's history to make the site look active? Yeah. Expect the same thing to return. The botfarm issue will only intensify. Expect low-effort ChatGPT-generated comments across reddit.

reddit's death will be a slow one, like Digg's. There will be no mass exodus of users. I don't know when a true competitor to reddit will arrive, but it eventually will.

[aluminumallium]

"live" blogging arcane spoilers in a single post but i post it after im done watching

i just started the episode and ALREADY vi is replaced by maddie HELP so obvious shes still not over vi anyways like damn. cope

miss isha is so cute he he i love you isha. reddit could never make me hate you

lest content lets goooo. OMG VIKTOR MENTION YAYYYYY

this is so hype. jail breakkk.

jinx feeling validation for the first time in forever 😭 guys they love her GUYS SHE LOVES ISHA!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

this blood thing is awesome. omg like emotions? OH MY GOD?

OH MY GOD ITS VANDER GUYS! IN THE FLESH! THATS YOUR DAD!

next episode. emo lesbian win hell yea. black hair on vi is so good LOL love it. oh no emo lesbian lose :( sadge

sisterly love is when you choke her out <3

caitlyn looks so good with that middle part wow. alucard ass fit (ive never watched castlevania)

omg get mel out of thereuhhh.. omg kino! i dont remember any mention of this guy. to be fair i didnt rewatch all of season 1 before watching any of season 2 :p

boy why you so bubble. you should probably not eat that. the girls are fightingggg

for love? omg his something. daughter? idk.

how did kino never figure out the puzzle shit. hasnt he been down there for years. oh hes like not alive lol. oh hes not kino

yes omg beat their ass mel!

big fan of this bubble shit. me when pearlescent

?????????? OK? who is felicia. shes pregnert. THEYRE SWEET!!! THATS THEIR MOM AWW THEY KNEW EACHOTHER

THEY LOVE EACHOTHER 😭😭😭😭 family reunionnnnn

where is jayce omfg im going to freak out. oh there he is YES YES BEARD JAYCE LETS GO

BAH!!!!!! dont even get me started. ooohh my god dude

AND ME LMFAO. WOW HES SO SEXY LIKE WOW. LIKE WOW. the switch up is so funny. omg hextech saved you! no im fucking sucks this is bad. omg hextech is saving everyone! no it fucking curse this is bad

you seem different HI? GO TO HIM. oh my god dude. where has he even been. i feel batshit btw like im so obsessed with them

sorry. laughed

he looks so stupid sorry. is that his gf wait i forgot what she looks like. yes it is. clouded by emotion until u realized u can like conjure ur dead gf like ok

i wont lie and say that every second something else is on screen im waiting for my viktor content sorry. i like him a lot. thats not to say im not enjoying the rest i just have priorities LMFAO

wrong. not a beast thats a father.

omg theyre going to viktors church cult place yayyyy. THE HERALD WHAT LMFAO could he have chosen a better name for himself

place of peace yeah of course. ugh the building design goes so insane hnnngh. YES ARCANE JESUS I LOVE YOU i was conflicted abt his long hair in the teaser posters or whatver but as soon as he pulled up YUPPPP im in love with him. sorry to the og viktor lovers btw i didnt fw him that crazy in season 1 i was a jayce stan day 1

love the ombre going on here. his outfit goes hard mmm yummers. COOKIE? new slur just dropped. hes so sweetness STOP BRINGING BACK THAT FUCKASS HAIRCUT IN THESE DREAM TYPE SEQUENCES ITS SO BAD

lets gooo vi and jinx cultists era!!! oh no.

viktor based for ever btw

ohhh girl fight. ANGRY OIL SLICK. unreal. ohhh the nickname got her. world is fucked btw.

JAYCEEE JAYCEEE YES YEAY HAHAA YES! YES! itd be cool if they were gay idk lol. just saying

omg girl eat the whole thing dont be wasteful thats just rude.

YAYYY GIRL BOSS beat her ass. OMG JAYCE YAY! can you be kind to that child be gentle go see your bffstie pls YAY YAY YAY!!!!! guys im so hype im so hype

im abt to pass out sorry hes just so everything to me. uh oh YES JINX this is awesome guyz. YAY VANDER hes so awesome i love you vander. uh oh

thats not good. EVERYONE DROPPING DEAD? OR SOMETHING? holy shit dude. holy shit. holy shit. boy why you so lava

FUCK THIS ENDING im killing myself YOU BUILD ME UP JUST TO KNOCK ME DOWN LIKE THIS. something needs to happen ISHA SAVE THE WORLD. wait im scared IM SCARED NOT LIKE THAT NO WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

ITS OVER ITS SO OVER. ILL NEVER MAKE IT THIS TIME THIS IS THE END

i take it back.

final thoughts im ending it all they could never make me hate you jayce but this is your fault and im never going to recover

[genderqueerpositivity]

I've got a lot going on lately. I didn't even realize until today that I'm 7 months on testosterone now until today.

CW: changes from HRT, gender stuff, some off topic mental health stuff

I always thought that once I was on T, the changes would be more dramatically visible than they are. I never realized that I could be 7 months on T and not entirely pass for a man. And I don't feel like I "look like a man".

I'm meeting a lot of new people lately and mostly being gendered as a woman. I got called a gentleman once though!

The changes and so on:

The biggest change that I've noticed since my six month update is more chest and belly hair. Body hair is a change that I can actually see, which is pretty cool.

I feel like my facial hair grows more quickly now too. I go back and forth over whether I should shave it or grow it out, I'm still not really decided what to do with it I guess.

I haven't used the voice analyzer app lately, but I think my voice is still dropping. I was mistaken for my dad recently over the phone, so that was neat.

I feel like my hairline is a little different, but not receding fortunately. I've been told that my face shape has changed a little. I think I'm having some muscle growth and maybe a little fat redistribution now, especially in my shoulders and belly.

The skin oiliness has calmed way down, but I'm still having acne and occasional ingrown hairs, so that sucks. My periods haven't returned, and no weird cramps since my T dose was reduced.

I'm having hot flashes lately which is annoying as fuck. I believe that has to do with the other kind of HRT that I have to take (because I've had this happen pre-T), and not the testosterone. :/

This might sound weird, but I feel like my chest dysphoria is less on T. I haven't noticed any decrease in size or anything like that...my dysphoria just seems quieter and less overall. I'm definitely less bothered by dysphoria than I was before HRT.

This is odd too and I'm not sure that it is related to being on testosterone at all (the timing makes sense though) or some new sensory issue: but I've noticed in the past few months that I can't tolerate certain scents anymore. I've given away candles I loved that started to give me serious headaches when I'd burn them and I've given away lotions that I can't stand to wear anymore because the smells make me nauseated.

I don't light candles or incense anymore. I've taken the air freshener clips out of my car. I only use like two lotions now when I had a bunch of different ones before. I don't use dryer sheets when I dry my clothes anymore. I don't use certain body washes or soaps.

I've seen a few different places online where people on T said that their sense of taste changed after starting hormones, that they lost their sweet tooth or could no longer tolerate spicy foods...and I wonder if it's possible for testosterone to have an impact on my sense of smell?? But I can't really find much online about that happening to anyone else. There are a couple of reddit posts where people talk about their sense of smell becoming less strong on T, and a few that say their sense of smell became stronger.

I don't believe that my sense of smell is weaker or stronger now than it was pre-T...I think I just react differently to scents now??? I've even bought a freaking air purifier last month because of this, hoping it would help.

I did already have sensory issues with strong smells like bleach or vinegar or gasoline before starting T, but those smells never made me actually sick. And now a cranberry scented candle gives me a headache so serious that I have to open a window and lay down?? This is ridiculous. It was one of those big ass bath and body works candles that I got for Christmas last year too, I loved that thing.

Anyway.

As nice as it is to have less dysphoria, T has (unsurprisingly) not been a magic cure for my anxiety. Because it doesn't do that, obviously. Did I hope that HRT would lead to me having less anxiety? Yes. Did I expect it to actually in reality do that? Not really.

I have definitely had less depression this year. I definitely still have anxiety, and that shit runs my life. Not gender or HRT related, but I feel as though that problem has gotten worse.

I did stop going to therapy. My new work hours don't fit well with it. And I got sick of being misgendered and deadnamed by this therapist who couldn't be bothered to show me the basic respect of even consistantly getting my name right after a year of appointments. Maybe three times in a whole year did she get my name right. In the end I don't know why I tolerated that for so long. There were other big issues too that aren't trans related, but basically I did stop going.

So I'm not really sure what to do about the anxiety thing. It controls me, but it's also mostly invisible. And I'm really not interested in having another therapist tell me to "focus on the present" or take deep breaths. Also not interested in having a doctor throw yet-a-fucking-nother antidepressant prescription at me. Because I'm pretty sure the one I'm taking now does nothing for anxiety, even at the max dose.

Half of this post is off-topic but I'm seven months on T now and I like it!

[doubleddenden]

You know, after how much love my post from September got for analyzing the timeline, I thought maybe I'd have some more material for the literal last week of 2021

Other than personal stuff things seem pretty normal. I mean there's some stuff but nothing absolutely as outlandish as horse meds.

But I'll try to scrap some stuff together

Idris Elba is Knuckles the Echidna. We knew that from an announcement, but we all saw a trailer for the second Sonic movie and he was actually Knuckles. It wasn't a prank. Man apparently was so excited he did a ton of research for the role. Tails is there too I guess.

Putt Putt and Freddie Fish are coming to the Switch. I am 5 again

Prince of Bel-Air is relevant again. Shit what year is it

YouTube took away the ability to see dislikes, benefitting their advertisers and corporate accounts and literally nobody else. Luckily you can either install an extension that let's you see it anyway, or just down vote anyway to make an intern cry privately

There's several BoTW style games in the works coming next year. Pokémon Legends Arceus, Sonic Frontiers. A couple of indie titles. Craziest one is this small title known as, get this, Breath of the Wild ***2***. Crazy shit. Maybe it'll actually come out this year

Yall know that giant Swedish goat thing that people used to set on fire? It hadn't been burned down since 2016 due to increased security measures. Well a MAD LAD FUCKIN DID IT AND WE GOT A BURNED ASS GOAT. Maybe the timeline will stabilize now.

Matrix released a new movie again. Apparently it sucks, like it's 2 other sequels. But Keanu Reeves is still a handsome man with a heart of gold, so we'll let it slide.

Matrix also released a pretty cool tech demo for Unreal Engine 5 on PS5. Shit looks realistic af and honestly is more hype than the movie. If you're one of the 10 people in the world that actually owns one, great!

Bleach released its teaser for the Thousand Year Blood War arc. Maybe we won't have to wait 1000 years for the arc to actually finish before breaking off into another filler arc

Speaking of 1000 years, Queen Elizabeth seems to "not be doing well." Let's see if it's legit or if there's going to be a Weekend at Bernie's scenario

Facebook is now META and is pushing for VR type stuff. This is very useful to all the Boomers that use FB and definitely know how to use technology without the help of their kids and grandkids on tiktok abd twitter. Now they can receive medical and political misinformation by guys pretending to be catgirls with giant honkers, jiggling in real time! Gib me ur cwedit cawd infurmation, uwu

Companies are still upset people are working in the comfort of their own homes and sitting countless hours typing on a computer and making calls, and still aren't shutting up about wanting them to come to the office in awful traffic with awful gas prices with awful coworkers in the middle of a pandemic to sit countless hours typing on a computer and make phone calls

Spider-Man No Way Home is out I guess. BUT YO WE GOT A SICK TRAILER FOR INTO THE SPIDER VERSE 2! PART 1!!!

And of course, Apple is prodding into Tumblr's business again with an extensive list of tags that are going to be forbidden on their iTunes app. These include tags such as "girl", "mental illness", "racism", and of course, "MILF." Of course, in true Tumblr fashion, users found a workaround by either using Tumblr in a web browser, or literally owning anything but an overpriced Apple product that already has an expiration date the moment it leaves a factory. But if I were an iPhone owner, I would be very sad that now I would have to hop over to Reddit to find literally hundreds of subreddits dedicated to milfs, anime tiddies, and specifically anime milfs and tiddies, and if i wanted to see racism, I would be forced to log into FB again to see how my high-school classmates are doing. A tragedy, I tell you. Ain't leaving tho. No siree.

New Year. Won't say Happy because we all know that's a trap. Won't say bad either because that was taken literally this year too. So have yourselves a year.

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy. 

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You. 

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

[mellometal]

Here are the last few things I want to say about Dhar Mann. Because he's not a good person to support and I cannot believe people support him unironically.

I was misguided to an extent in my first response to him on the video he made about ASD. The whole complimenting him thing in my comments was only to ensure that my comments would not be deleted and that I wouldn't get blocked. That's why it sounded like I was sucking up to him in some parts of my comments. I actually WANT people to see them. I would hope at least SOMEONE would resonate with them in some way. I want people to see how videos about subjects he knows NOTHING about and probably will NEVER know about can and do affect people. I don't think he's a good person. At all.

Dhar Mann's videos reek of wannabe superiority. There are some things that people have brought up about him having a savior complex on Reddit, but I don't want to go into the entire psychological aspect of him...if such a thing exists. I may find psychology interesting, but he's not worth going into a whole psychological analysis over. I'm not licensed to do any kind of diagnoses on him anyway.

His morals are extremely watered down with quotes that even kids in preschool can understand. It honestly feels like he's talking down to his audience. (Why does he have an audience? The world may never know.) Dude, NOBODY appreciates being talked down to like they're stupid.

While sometimes, it's obvious that he's trying to come from a good place, it still doesn't change the fact that he doesn't go into WHY the events that happen in the videos are bad, what we can do to change it, nothing. I don't recall him putting down any reputable resources for anything he makes. If he has, it must be like finding Atlantis. For example, in his videos that are supposed to be tackling homelessness, he only goes into the whole narrative that we gotta be nice to homeless people. He never goes into the factors that cause homelessness. He never goes into any statistics. He doesn't share any reputable resources for the homeless population. Just goes into, "Be kind to homeless people!" and nothing else.

Another big example would have to be the videos he has made about disabilities. He seemed to KINDA tackle physical disabilities, but here's the thing. Physically disabled people aren't all helpless victims. Yes, some physically disabled people do require full support doing things. There are other physically disabled people who require moderate support, or even minimal support. Treating physically disabled people like they're just all helpless victims who you should feel bad for isn't helping them at all. They're not subhuman. They're human beings.

The video he made about Autism Spectrum Disorder is personally insulting. Treating ASD like it's a superpower harms autistic people and it honestly sounds like autistic people aren't being taken seriously. Calling ASD a "different ability" instead of calling it a disability (which is what ASD is) treats being autistic like it's a bad thing. (For anyone who found me through my first Dhar Mann post about his video on ASD, y'all already know my feelings about this. For anyone who's new here, doesn't know what's going on, and wants to know where I stand on that video in particular, please refer to that post.)

Like an anonymous person mentioned in the ask they sent earlier, Dhar Mann also made a video that was pro-cop. I knew about the video he made about a bunch of cops in training being sexist towards the only woman, which obviously ain't great either. I've seen that one and it made absolutely no sense to me. Dhar Mann, defeating sexism? *GASP!* We did it, feminists! We can go home now! Not.

Anyways, back to the pro-cop video. I didn't know that he made a video like that, so I searched for it. It was a pretty recent video too...and it's gross. The lady protesting in an alley really shouted in eight point font to "fire all cops". It took some guy stealing her purse for her to "change her mind" about cops.

The "cop" in the video really went into his whole life story about how he risks his life every day for people, fighting bad people (they even had a black man as the assailant trying to threaten a white woman, which is a disgusting racist stereotype and does nothing to help stop police brutality), and basically told this lady "Before you judge me, get to know ME!"

MOTHERFUCKER. FIREFIGHTERS, PARAMEDICS, AND THE ENTIRE MEDICAL FIELD, TO NAME A FEW, RISK THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY TOO. But you don't see a song that says "Fuck the fire department!" or "Fuck paramedics!", do you? (I have some choice words for parts of the medical field because of how some think it's okay to refuse to help people for being LGBT, not taking BIPOC seriously when they seek medical attention, refusing to help people for the religion they practice or lack thereof, the fatphobia, etc. I won't dive completely into it, but if you choose to be in the medical field and you refuse to help people for the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their gender identity, their religious beliefs or lack thereof, their weight, or ANYTHING along those lines, FIND A DIFFERENT CAREER.)

Police brutality towards black people is the highest out of every race. Not to mention that black people are the number one target for the police. The amount of black people being killed by the police will only keep increasing unless we all do something to put an end to police brutality towards black people. Black lives matter, and they ALWAYS will.

Can we also talk about how the police aren't equipped to deal with anything related to mental health or disabilities? Because the way they handle people having mental health crises, disabled people, and mentally ill people as a whole is heartless and ableist. AND THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO PUT ON THEIR VEHICLES THAT THEY'RE SAFE FOR DISABLED PEOPLE AND SHIT IN CERTAIN PLACES IN THE UNITED STATES.

Just because there are good cops, it doesn't make ALL cops good. It doesn't change the fact that ACAB. It doesn't change the fact that the police has way too much funding. It doesn't change the fact that the police need to be reformed. Honestly, in this day and age, there are way too many corrupt cops who want to be all superior and treat people like they're subhuman to see any good cops among them.

I did a little research on Dhar Mann's history before he decided to do all these fucking cringe videos. He was sentenced to five years of probation back in 2014 for five felony counts related to a scheme to defraud the City [Oakland, California] by submitting false claims and receipts in order to receive redevelopment grant money. He pleaded no contest to the five felony counts of fraud. Not a good look!

His voice is ear grating and crusty and he has a very punchable face. Every time I hear his voice, it triggers my fight or flight response.

HEEEEYYYY, DHAR MANN FAM! SO YOU SEE, HE MAKES ALL THESE CRINGE ASS VIDEOS WITH WATERED DOWN MORALS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPICS OF ANY OF THE VIDEOS AND REEK OF WANNABE SUPERIORITY! I hope you learned something from this message! He's not telling stories. He's not changing lives. He's a cringe ass nae-nae baby who can't bother to do actual research on topics he knows NOTHING about. He's ruining lives! Thanks for watching and I'll see you next time!

TL;DR: Dhar Mann is a piece of shit human being. Please stop supporting him.

[omegangrins]

A Rant on the End of Tremors 7: Shrieker Island

As the main man said,

Throwing caution to the wind because this blew up elsewhere.

If you can do it with Justice League, fuck it, let's do it for every shitty movie we've got.

While we're at it, can we change the ending of the 7th Tremors movie so *MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS* Burt Gummer doesn't die or at least bring Jamie Kennedy back, or Marvel style recast Jon Heder, so he dies saving his son instead of a random-ass person who could have easily saved themselves. Or cut the forced montage of Burt clips at the end so his death is at least ambiguous. Seriously beyond pissed about that one. THAT is no way for him to go.

I would also like to point out that the next Tremors *HAS* to be titled Tremors 8: Ouroboros and bring everyone back for Burt's funeral . Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

I have feelings about it, people. *FEELINGS!!!*

One of my favourite childhood memories is picking out Tremors 2 from the local gas station's movie rentals and forcing my parents to watch it. I was probably 5-6 at the time.

Let's say that it's been a lifelong love affair ever since. It took me another 10 years before I even watched the 1st. Probably why I hold good sequels in such high regard.

I didn't even know about the 1st until it played as a trailer in front of 2 and never thought to watch until years later. That's a testament to its filmmaking if I ever knew one.

So seriously, that's how they chose to kill off one of the most well known and prolific characters in a movie/TV series known around the globe? With an unnecessaryily needed death and a montage of clips from all the other movies that are obviously better than this one.

And I'm saying that as someone who defends Chibnall/13th Doctor...

...and I'm fucking fuming because THIS is how you *actually* destroy something people love and hold dear to their hearts. It's like the ending of Game of Thrones. His shitty ass death has made it a loooooot harder to rewatch. And they are one of my favourite series!!! Not flawless but fun. But I will defend every other movie and all the episodes except this. Honestly I'll still defend 7/8ths of this one as well.

Like I said, it's easily fixed too. Fucking vice versa swap out Jon Heder for Jamie Kennedy, who the movies have been building up for the last two, and have Burt save his son in front of his old flame. Boom, you won't even need the montage of clips cause you can just have Travis and his mom reminisce about Burt instead. Show not tell. I don't even care he died by Graboid (although in all honesty, I've allways wanted El Blanco to take him down or Burt kills himself from the PTSD. It would have AT LEAST MADE SENSE. Hell, the best would be a heart attack to callback Val's "Yeah, Burt, the way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get a chance to survive World War Three.". But none of us ever get the best death.). And it's not even about Burt sacrificing himself to save a nobody. Cause that could work too. BUT YOU NEED TO BUILD THAT SHIT UP. Not just fucking drop it like it's hot.

Like I said too, the first 7/8ths ain't bad but it's an entirely different story than a swansong for a hero.

It's all about some billionaire scientist/cowboy hunter dude who likes to get his jollies off hunting the biggest and the baddest who ends up inviting people to this island so they can hunt down Super-Graboids he designed for shits and giggles. But then some Shrieker-fy....

And the pretentious douches come and die one by beautiful one while Burt tries to save them anyway and it's all spectacularly dumb fun until it comes crashing down in the final 10 minutes. Fuck, they should just cut the last 10 minutes. Then it's a perfect little Tremors ditty.

#RELEASETHE7THTREMORSWITH10MINUTESFROMTHEENDCUT

This isn't even about Jon Heder either. He's just doing his job. Hell, do what /u/VoiceofRonHoward pointed out.

"It is clear that Jon's character was just pasted in over Jamie's, the artifacts of the father-son relationship are all over it. They should have gone full Marvel and just replaced Jamie with Jon and acted like nothing happened."

CAUSE FUCK YES!! The only time a story sucks is when they don't commit. Commitment makes all the difference. Now, I'm pissed double-pissed they didn't do that instead since Heder and Kennedy are similar in terms of white-boy-ness.

Even Michael Gross agrees:

"Yes, yes. Now I can't presume to speak for Jamie [Kennedy]. My understanding was they asked him and he said no. And so that's why they went with somebody else. So I had nothing to do with that decision. I just heard the stories. I missed him for that reason. You begin a relationship with the character, and you want to continue it....

...As you build a relationship with this son, we had two, it would've been nice to have three, but that was the hand I was dealt."

One of my favourite bits of Tremors lore comes from the 5th too so it's not like I hate sequel changes out of hand:

"This is a warrior dance. Our ancestors hunting the lnkanyamba and the Impundulu.

"What's that?

"Impundulu. It's what you call the Ass Blaster.

"Ass Blaster.

"Yes.

"Yes.

"Hey, you know, you make Ass Blaster sound good.

Primitive cultures fighting Graboids, Shriekers and Assblasters. I just love that thought.

Hilariously, my meta opening to the 8th movie would be a flashback to 10,000 years ago and a Neanderthal-like Burt Gummer teaching others how to drive Graboids off cliffs like they did with mammoths.

Thank you for giving me the space to rant. Cause fuuuuuuhhhhhhhhuuccck!!!

Here's Michael Gross' own words from his AMA that prove the people making Shrieker Island didn't know their shit.

"The Tremors series is one very close to my heart and I want you to know how appreciated your continued effort is for your core fan base.

My only question would be were there ever any studio decisions made for Burt that you refused to comply with? Or was everybody pretty much always on the same page on what to do with the character?

Thanks again for your dedication.

- Josh"

"Thanks for the kind words, Josh. As regards the first four films, with Wilson and Maddock as the writers, we were very much on the same page. 5,6, and 7 were a bit different, because there was a 13-year hiatus between 4 and 5, and we had to refresh our memories while "reinventing" the franchise for a new audience. I will give you one example: in an early draft of Shrieker Island, a new writer wrote a draft where Burt threatened to shoot one of the bad dudes, and I had to tell him—this is true—"Burt never intentionally points his gun at another human being."

And his own thoughts on Burt's "death" and how to bring it all back together again.

Universal and the director [came] to me with this idea, and they said, 'This could be emotionally very powerful, if we have to say goodbye to this man after 30 years. And I hemmed and hawed, and I thought about it a little bit. And I said, 'You're absolutely right about the emotional gut punch this can be.' And I said, 'You're going to hurt a lot of people's feelings.' And I said, 'But I thought this franchise was over after four. So I could certainly live with it being over after seven.'

"What we negotiated -- well, it wasn't really a negotiation, we all agreed on this -- is that we kind of left the door open. >!Because although Burt is gone, we never see a corpse. We never see his remains. Everybody assumes he's gone. Is he buried somewhere? Is he unconscious somewhere? We never see Burt dead. We see Burt gone. We see Burt not returning. What does that mean? Has he been knocked out? Does he have amnesia somewhere? Does he wander off? Is he in a kind of coma? So yes, the way it ends is pretty profound."

"As regards to the end of Tremors 7, let me just say that while people ASSUME Burt is gone, we never see his remains, do we? Just sayin.'

"The only reason he has become the main character is that everyone else in the original cast moved on to other things. I NEVER thought of him as the central figure, but it just worked out that Michael Gross, like Burt Gummer, was a "survivor." :0) "

"No one would like to see it more than I!!! One of my greatest regrets is that so many other cast members fell away over time. Reba was on to other things, Kevin said no to a second, Fred said no to a third. I would LOVE one last go with all of them, but it is not up to me. :0( "

"There are no guarantees, but for those who wonder aloud if this is the final film, I will say what I have said before: SALES drive sequels, Show biz is 5% show and 95% business, so if this latest addition to the Tremors franchise, sells well, [Universal] will follow the money, and Universal Pictures Home Entertainment may will be back for more."

/u/ActorMichaelGross, the bell has been rung and the song sung. Get the producers on this ASAP!!

I was also the first person to discover the symbolic foreshadowing of Stumpy's end with Earl's sleeping bag in the original movie.

Let's just say, I really *really* love these movies. So if anyone knows anyone, hook me up to the producers of this series and I'll Justin Lin in the Fast and Furious out of this shit.

Since I don't think it's good to critique without proposing either, I say we can make up for this fuck up with the next movie. We'll call it Tremors 8: Ouroboros. After the snake which eats its own tail.

We find out Burt faked his death to get the Proudfoot Corporation to let down their guard and when everyone from the previous series comes back for Burt's fake funeral they give him ever loving shit for being such a paranoid whack-job that he would fake his death to fool a government agency. Why would he do this? He found an old photo of Hiram Gummer with a Graboid warning on the back and asks himself why this valley, why these things, why allways me? And we find out, it's not Burt. It's that lifestyles of extremes will end up in places of extremes. Burt and the Graboids are survivors of different species. Sure the Proudfoot Corporation IS using Mixmaster to combine Graboids, Shriekers, and Ass-Blasters into one super creature for the military but it pales in comparison to Burt looking at his life and wondering in shame how many ancient giants like himself he has killed. And with that, he actually dies, and we keep the ball rolling with the rest of the characters trying to stop what they allways thought was just another one of Burt's crazy conspiracies.

That's why it's Ouroboros. Everything comes back around. We could end/start the movie with Grady, Earl, and Jodi opening a Monster World in Perfection Valley a la Desert Jack's Graboid Adventure. I don't know. I'm fucking trying harder than the people they paid to do this already.

It ain't perfect but I'm building on sand here so changes are gonna get made.

Like if the makers of Tremors notice this,

Then DM me because fucking A you guys need some help.

[cyberstabbing]

my brain is going bounce bounce between Super Awesome Rad stuff and Uh Oh This Is Bad and uh anyways suicide mention below (on mobile so can't make it under the cut)

---

today someone jumped in front of a train at the subway station my friend was at on her way to meet with me. the whole train line had to be shut down for an hour and it got pretty chaotic, people and ambulances everywhere. not that rare, unfortunately. a guy in my friend's (that same friend, actually) swim club jumped off a bridge last summer, just a block away. people laughed, told him to "do a flip!" and filmed the whole thing which then got posted online. he was 22. people suck.

back to today's thing, though. i was really worried that the person who jumped was one of my close friends. she's suicidal and has tried to take her own life several times this past fall/winter. some of it has been her trying to jump in front of trains. last place she tried was just two train stops away from the one today. so i texted her. just a "hey what are you up to?" she didn't answer. i wanted to call her but i was afraid of what i would hear (or wouldn't). i followed the news story on all the news sites i could think of. i checked reddit and all the seedy forums that sometimes have ppl that were at the location with insider info. i texted friends with parents employed at the local hospitals to see if they knew anything about the persons age/gender. nothing. so i tried not to think about it because i had so little info. and besides, what are the odds with the number of suicidal people, right? which i unfortunately know because my mom works with that rn.

anyway my friend texts me two hours later saying she just woke up from a nap. thank fuck. thank god. shit. the relief i felt. like it was really in the back of my mind. i was preparing for the worst. i was backtracking through our conversations from just a few days ago, looking for "signs". combing through what i remembered her saying. just ... shit. fucking awful.

i'm so glad she's okay but at the same time she isn't okay she's depressed and has been for a long time and she's not getting much support from her family or from the lacking mental healthcare system. and this forced me to think about her possible passing and SHIT. i can't handle that. i feel like i'm mourning her in advance. we were best friends in high school yet we were never the types to talk about our feelings. i know she has other friends for that, and i know she has two people she's relying on for support the most while she's going through this. but i'm still so scared. today was just awful. i don't cry a lot anymore these days but when i got home the waterworks just started even though my paranoid ass kept telling me it was performative as always (to who??? i was alone???!!).

i'm also thinking of all the people who heard about today, who immediately texted/called their friend or family member who they worry about. and the relief when they get an answer on the other end. but i'm also thinking of the person or people who didn't get a reply back today. who's calls didn't get though. or maybe they got a call from an unknown number. i don't really know how it works.

i feel like i do a lot of perpetual waiting for calls like that. i know i'll never be ready for what i'll hear, but the knowledge that it's coming, the call to let me know that a loved one has died, is coming, it's always in the back of my mind. another close friend to me has a brain tumor. she's made it clear that we have to be ready for the worst, and so i'm left waiting for (dreading) that call. my grandmother, i found out last week, is apparently very sick. so i'm waiting for that call as well.

but i even worry for my friends and family members who aren't sick/at risk. i keep having dreams about my little sisters dying, and the aftermath. in all the scenarios i've run through of various people in my life dying suddenly (including myself), it never goes well for everyone else around them. i always see it as something driving people apart. because of the pain. i don't know if that's true, though. i've seen the opposite. i guess that's a good thing? i read somewhere that suicide rates in america dropped considerably right after 9/11, because suddenly everyone was reaching out to each other to make sure they were okay. reminded of mortality.

the last call i got wasn't a call at all. it was my mom waking me up early in the morning, and then a somber conversation around the dinner table, everyone sobbing. no one made eye contact.

the call before that wasn't a call at all. it was 5 missed calls while i was at work, and then a text from my dad framed in a way that suggested that he though i already heard the news from someone else. i still had ten minutes left on my shift and i finished it in a daze. reality didn't hit until weeks after the funeral.

the call today turned out to be just a close call (ha-ha *sobs some more*) but fuck i hate living knowing that i one day will have lost everyone

anyways happy valentines day if anyone's reading this. gonna crash now.

[lovelyirony]

This Might as Well Happen

“So let’s let things come out of the woodwork/I’ll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies” Homemade Dynamite, Lorde 

Tony was a curious little shit ever since he could remember. He remembers trying to sneak into the meeting rooms when Dum-Dum Dugan and Peggy Carter would meet with Dad. (He failed at this because he never really learned how spies actually gathered information.) 

His knowledge was highly encouraged by tutors that could never keep up and Jarvis, who would buy him the most obscure books he could. 

(“Jarvis, this book is in Japanese!” 

“Are you saying you can’t figure it out?” 

“Well, no...”) 

And now this has royally screwed him over because he’s still figuring out how he’s hacking into shit and he just found...something. 

The thing about computers and him is that Tony understands computers on a level most don’t. Hell, he’s built most of the systems that he knows to be better than the commercially available ones. 

This is how he figures out that there’s a hit out on his parents. For the night that he said he wasn’t going to go to because “it was super lame” and the fact that Howard’s already disappointed in him and he’d rather not try to awkwardly bond with him in public because that’s what people expect from him. 

But now he has to go. 

Which sucks, by the way. Because he’s not telling his parents that they’re going to be killed because that’s just...Howard wouldn’t believe him and Mama would probably wring her hands out of their sockets and ring up the president or some shit like that. 

Besides, it’s easy to change what’s going to happen, even if he is only a young adult or however you categorize a twenty year old. 

He simply updates the file. It’s not like anyone can tell, especially when the system that the organization is using was mainly designed by him with minimal input from other sources. 

He says that the Stark family will be leaving at midnight, even though the function carries on much later and his parents often like to stay out quite a bit later than midnight. 

Tony then tells them that he’s decided to go. 

“Why?” Howard asks suspiciously. “You said it yourself that this was supposedly ‘the most boring thing you would ever be doing’.” 

“Teenagers change minds all the time,” Tony says with a shrug. “And it’s not the most boring thing I could be doing. I could be asking Beatriz in accounts how she files paperwork.” 

Tony’s not even surprised that his dad doesn’t know all of his employees. He hires a lot of people, but still. 

“Please wear the shirt I’ve laid out on your bed,” mama pleads to him. “Please. Don’t let it be like last time.” 

“And here I was thinking you liked that I wore a rock t-shirt with a suit.” 

“You looked a mess, darling.” 

“That’s a trend now, mama.” 

“Not for my boy.” 

“Okay, fine. I won’t wear it. By the way, I’m taking a separate car. Just don’t want to be stuck there when you and dad decide to talk to someone for, like, three hours.” 

(He still wears plaid pants. His mother hates him for it.) 

As he’s watching the party, he’s kind of amazed at how much he knows. 

Mama and Howard are having a good time at the gala. So good, in fact, that they don’t notice at midnight when Tony switches keys and takes Howard’s car. 

He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, honestly. He just knows that Howard drives like he wishes he was a turtle and his mama refuses to drive anywhere. 

There’s a motorcycle behind him, and Tony counts on them thinking that he’s Howard. 

And then he turns left. 

- 

Hydra doesn’t know what the hell is happening. They’ve gotten too confident--no one was in the gala or investigated Howard before any of this. He should never have made a left turn 

But Winter Soldier is hunting him down. And Winter Soldier never misses a target. 

...right? 

- 

Tony’s currently panicking and also the Beatles are on the radio--which is weird, by the way, it’s not even a well-known song--and he’s trying to outmaneuver a motorcyclist who has a gun and has fired it once, the bullet whizzing into the front glass and cracking it. 

He has a crazy idea. Well, it’s not the craziest you could have. He could’ve flown the car off a ditch and tried to jump out the window. But he can’t keep turning forever and he can’t keep ducking his head to try to avoid shots that are a little too close to his head to ignore. 

He brakes and he brakes hard. The guy runs into the car, falls, and Tony gets out and runs for it. 

That’s stupid. Very stupid. And it wasn’t supposed to happen. 

None of this was supposed to happen. 

Disoriented and confused, Winter Soldier sits up and tries to refocus on the target. 

Even if he just smashed his head against a bumper and shit, was that a dent? That was definitely a dent, Winter Soldier knew one thing: that that wasn’t the target, and somewhere along the way something got messed up. 

Hydra didn’t know that Howard and Maria were safely exiting the gala at two in the morning and grumbling about taking Tony’s entirely-too-showy vehicle that had the volume blasting and music that was too vulgar for both of their tastes the only sort of music that was programmed into the radio stations or on the CDs of music that were stuffed in the passenger side-door. 

Hydra didn’t know that they were going to have to deal with, mainly because Tony’s a gigantic asshole who knows more than them but also doesn’t know how he’s going to break the news to his parents that they might die? 

He honestly might just make himself a target for them. 

But he also needs to figure out how to shut down Hydra because clearly Cap going down into the ice didn’t just automatically fix it all. 

-

This involves going to SHIELD. And then as he approaches the building, realizing that the only reason he found out about Hydra is because he hacked into SHIELD databases mainly because he just wanted to see what it was like and if he could get into the deeper encryption is because they were probably a part of the organization. 

Tony sighs to himself. This means changing literally everything about his life. 

Honestly, he wishes he hadn’t even discovered this because he has this sense of “something needs to be done” and he just does not care for that shit at all. 

Except he does. 

So instead he calls Rhodey. 

“Only you could ruin Christmas,” Rhodey grumbles. “I’ll meet you at the coffeeshop. I hate you for this.” 

“I know, love you too,” Tony says. “Fate of the world depends on it or whatever.” 

Rhodey has no idea why he’s friends with this crazy fucking millionaire kid, but they meet at a coffee shop and Tony’s wearing plaid pants, the shirt is dissheveled, and he says that he ditched a car and took the subway. 

“Wow, good for you,” Rhodey teases. “Taking the subway like us commoners.” 

They don’t say anything for a beat. 

“Get your coffee. We’re taking a walk.” 

“At three a.m.? Seriously?” 

“Short walk. Don’t be such a baby about it.” 

They get coffee and start walking. Tony links arms with him. 

“So you remember learning about Hydra when you were a kid?” 

“Eh, somewhat. Something about being an offshoot of Nazism?” 

“Not...exactly. They were more of supportive of the Nazi agenda and the Nazis were chill with that. No, they were more proactive on world domination and making sure that they also overpowered the universe or whatever. Yeah, they’re still here.” 

“...fuck. Well, what do you want to do about it?” 

That’s what Tony appreciates about Rhodey. He’s just ready to kick ass whenever. 

“I can’t talk to SHIELD about it. So I’m gonna try to do it with some people outside of it. You ready to infiltrate Stark Industries with extra employees?” 

“Oh my god, so you’re actually gonna take the company at twenty-one instead of letting Obie do it?” 

“Yes, unfortunately. Our trip to Cabo will have to wait.” 

“To be completely honest with you, I didn’t want to go anyway.” 

“Rhodey, you bitch. I even had a good place to stay and everything!” 

“Doesn’t matter now, sweetheart,” Rhodey says, smiling. “Now we have to hire people before SHIELD does.” 

-

It takes a while. Tony has to go to MIT and take business classes for credit (barf) and look at other, scarier parts of the internet. 

He and Rhodey also keep practicing fighting after-hours and Tony’s pretty sure that he could create a flight-suit if he so desired. 

(And if his projects for engineering would Stop Being Due All the Time, things would be better.) 

They meet a girl named Pepper Potts who’s trained in ballet, could kick God’s ass and have God apologize, and was looking at recruitment at SHIELD or joining a sorority. 

“Or, there’s a better option,” Tony adds. “Taking down an organization that’s a conspiracy thread on Reddit with surprisingly solid evidence.” 

“You’re making this sound worse,” Rhodey says with a snort. “Listen, Pepper. We’re going to take down an organization that people say doesn’t exist. Tony survived an attack from an assassin that technically probably should be dead. It’ll go on your resume and you legally could never be fired ever or else it would be all over the news and you would ruin a company without contributing to it. Join or lose the opportunity.” 

“I’m in.” 

“Rhodey, I hate you,” Tony pouts. 

Rhodey is barely over twenty-one and trying to figure out how to tell his superior officer that he should stay at home when he had expressed overseas interest, Pepper’s just celebrated her twentieth birthday and has five cents in her bank account, and Tony’s only nineteen and forgot how to spell ‘experience’ on more than one occasion. 

They’re gonna take over the world. 

[skzhabibi]

An Old Crush (A Long, Bittersweet Personal Storytime/Rant)

When I was in Junior High, I had really, REALLY low self esteem. I was still very much in the awkward phase of puberty and all of those hormones paired with the fact I was having lots of problems at home resulted in some pretty severe mental health issues (which I won’t get too much into, because I don’t wanna trigger anyone). Not only that, but I’m naturally pretty sensitive, so any negative comments people had made about my appearance in the past, whether they were trash talking my hand-me-down clothes, pale ass skin, acne, big nose, etc., it really stuck with me. I was a mess, basically. And I’m part Arab on my mom’s side, so seeing a psychiatrist was never really an option.

Anyways, I was 13 or 14 (8th grade) when I took my 1st Spanish class. This had a bunch of the more “popular” kids in it, because they were trying to get the credit out of the way before High School and there were only 2 teachers who taught Spanish at my school, so it was bound to happen. There was a popular boy in my class, called T for the sake of the story, who sat a seat in front and to the left. I don’t know how we first started talking, but it was probably because of many factors. I laughed at his jokes, he sat near me in Spanish and English which we had right after, I was pretty solid academically at the time and he wasn’t, we had a couple mutual friends/acquaintances, etc... I guess it’s also good to mention he was known for his good looks and the fact he was A-string quarterback on our shitty little football team while I was kind of a social floater; a decent amount of people knew of me, but not many people actually knew me well, if at all.

I didn’t really pay him any mind in a romantic way at first, to be honest. I just thought he was reasonably attractive, but I figured he’d think himself “too cool” to be associated with me since that’s the vibe a lot of the other popular boys in the class had given me if I ever tried making friends with them. People really just gave me the cold shoulder in general, which hurt my feelings, so I wasn’t gonna risk it anymore. But what really made that first little crush for him start was when one day as I was rushing to get out the door first after the bell rang (which I always did because I’m impatient as fUCK and hate that huge ass crowd you had to shove through or come out last), he rushed forward, squeezing through the door around the other jocks and practically pushing them out of the way, to catch up to me and ask me to walk to English together. As an inexperienced little simp, that shit really looked like something out of a movie. It gave me such a needed boost of confidence that I actually started beaming, which was REALLY out of character for me (I’ve always been known for my “resting bitch face”).

So this became such a regular thing, walking to English, that we actually began waiting for each other by our desks to pack our stuff up, and we were usually around the last 2 to leave the room. At some point I finally plucked up the courage to ask him for his number, which was TERRIFYING because I’d never done anything like that. I think I made some excuse that since we had 2 classes together if we forgot about the homework we could remind each other (holy shit I was such a nerd). We texted a few times, but it never got super deep that I remember. I never really initiated the conversations because I didn’t want to make it seem like I liked him even though at this point I REALLY did; I even told a couple of my friends, which I didn’t normally do either. I was always someone to bottle up that shit and bury it so it never saw the light of day because I was so fucking afraid of rejection (Fragile Ass Self Esteem wants to know your location).

I literally thought that I was unlikeable in every sense of the word, so a bunch of the signs that he liked me back at the time never dawned on me. He could’ve literally screamed in my face that he liked me and I’d probably be like “As a Friend, right???”

I guess I’ll just take this moment to tell you about a bunch of the things that should’ve bee HUGE ASS signs he liked me:

1.) This girl on the volleyball team at our table in English that T knew would make passes about how he was really sought-after by a shit ton of girls and then look at me. He also looked at me afterwards like he was shy but gauging my reaction. She had a sort of Jade from Victorious vibe to her so I figured she saw through me and was trying to embarrass me by getting a reaction, so I kept my face straight.

2.) He would compliment me more than anyone else I spoke to (which was uhhhh never. I never got complimented.) For example: He was always calling me smart or a “try hard” to joke with me. I took it as an expression of friendly jealousy. When I curled my hair one day he noticed and literally said, “Can we all take a moment to appreciate (my name)’s hair?” It made me blush so hard, but I thought he was making fun of me. He would also insist on reading my shit or me reading his when the English teacher made us peer review/journal check and would compliment the work I did or my handwriting or how organized it looked. Living that emotionally stunted Y/N life.

3.) The Spanish teacher made us partner up any time there was group work, and she moved his seat to right next to mine every routine seat change. I was gullible as shit thinking that that was coincidental when he had other friends in class. I figured it was cuz I was good and he sucked at Spanish lmaooo. I’ve since read posts on reddit where teachers have confirmed that they can tell when kids have crushes on each other and they’ll play wingman/woman. When I read that I was like WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. Mrs. G was a real one and I was so fucking oblivious to it.

4.) Another girl on the volleyball team asked if he and I were dating. I was taken aback and said no, we weren’t (conveniently leaving out the “I wish”) and asked why she would think that. The reason she gave was that since people saw us walk together between classes, a lot of people figured we were together. I chalked it up to stupid gossip that had no roots in anything he said, so I laughed it off to keep from getting my hopes up.

5.) A similar thing happened AGAIN with a guy who was also on the football team. When he learned my name, he was like, “Wait, (my first and last)?��� And I was like yeah wtf how did you know my last without me telling you? And he’s straight up like, “Oh, you’re the girl T has a thing for.” AND I WAS SO FUCKING BLIND OMFG I was just like well he’s never told me he likes me so even though multiple people at this point have said something I think that is completely baseless fake news.

6.) One of the MOST telling signs: he would always say hi to me outside of classes when I was alone. He found me outside my locker one day and started talking to me. The coaches would make the kids on sports teams run back to locker room, and one day he was doing that when he saw me at my locker (which was right by the sport locker rooms since I was in girls’ athletics). His teammates would glance at me while they ran by, and he told me to wait for him while he changed so we could walk to Spanish (1st period) together. Ngl, this really sealed the nail in the coffin for my huge ass crush on this kid. I was taken aback because I thought our friendship was just for convenience and he didn’t actually see me as a real friend he would be seen outside of class with. But in the end I still psyched myself out by saying I was just something to entertain him.

7.) One time in the library, I was working on printing out some paper. An annoying ass kid who was overly friendly and rode the bus with me was talking to me a lot, and I was pretty clearly not interested in my mind at least. T walked in for some reason and smiled and said “Hey, (my name)” pretty loudly. I wasn’t expecting to see him, so I was just like “Oh, hey, T,” because I lack social skills. He glanced at the kid and back at me and his face kinda dropped before he kept walking. I think the kid asked me to hang out with him and our mutual friend and I was basically like no thanks man I’m kinda busy.

8.) Other times he would do this as well. One time my girl friend and I were sitting across from each other at a lunch table in the morning after getting off the bus. Out of LITERALLY NOWHERE he just swoops in and sits next to my friend across from me and starts talking to me about some project in Spanish he finished, showing me excitedly what he wrote and asking if it was right. He pretty much ignored my friend, and she was hella socially anxious and knew about my crush on him so she kinda got huge eyes and shut down socially. He and I talked for a bit before it got awkward because we ran out of shit to say and it was awkward now that we had an extra person and we pretty much only talked to each other without anyone else in the conversation. He left after that and my friend and I freaked tf out.

9.) One time while I was waiting for the bus in the cafeteria after school, I was alone because my friends were taking too long. I was on my phone when he comes up and starts talking to me. I was hella fucking awkward because for some reason I‘m always a fucking stiff around the person I like. Then my guy friend who rode the same bus came up and cock blocked the shit out of T because he’s super fucking loud and just starts fucking around. He and I are super close even to this day and I guess T got intimidated by how easily we were joking around and kinda saw himself out before I could say anything.

10.) THIS LIST IS GETTING TOO LONG SKDJDJASKDJDJ BUT I FUCKIN FORGOT whenever we would walk between classes we would sometimes not even talk. Like whenever the conversation died we would just kinda stare into each other’s eyes 😂 I thought I was just being creepy, but he fucking smiled at me when it happened why am I so dUmB fUUUCK. Also sometimes the popular kids would run up behind us and fuck with him like make fun of him or make some sort of awkward pass that I wouldn’t react to before running down the hall ahead of us. My guess now is that he was meaning to make a move but my neutral reaction to whatever dumbass thing they said made it impossible to tell if I felt the same so he chickened out.

ANYWAYS I think our little friendship/mutual pining fizzled our after one time he made a more up front attempt because at this point he was probably fed up with waiting for me to get the hint but this exchange really fucking backfired:

Basically he got a girlfriend, this girl on GUESS WHAT??! THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM. I heard about it straight from him while we’re walking to English together and that shit hurted but I was like whatever I still want him as a friend and this pretty much confirmed in my mind that he NEVER liked me. So basically he’s talking about how he’s been seeing her to pass the time but he doesn’t actually like her. And I was like why not? She’s really cool/nice and REALLY pretty. But if you don’t like her then why date her? Seems like a waste of time. He’s like yeah well basically she said she liked me so I asked her out but tbh I think she’s annoying. And I’m like what did she do something on a date that was annoying? STILL UTTERLY CLUELESS AND HES DEADASS LIKE what are you jealous like in a flirty way and my DUMB. ASS. Is like.... WHATTTT PSHHH NO I MEAN WE’RE JUST BROSSS AHAHA.

Can I get an F in the chat pls?

Basically we just stopped talking after a while. I think my friend texting his brother officially knifed the shit out of that ship’s sail. Years later I confessed that I liked him back then and asked if he liked me back back then so I could stop worrying about gaslighting myself and he’s basically like yeah I would’ve tried something with you (came across really unenthusiastic). And then one time in like my freshman year of community college I was with my bio study group in the library going to where we were meeting up for a project when I felt eyes on me from the computers and literally LOCKED EYES WITH HIM AND HES JUST LIKE 👁👄👁

LMAO I PRETENDED LIKE I DIDNT KNOW THAT BITCH

OH TO SEE WITHOUT MY EYES

1 like = 1 smash of your head against the wall at my fucking idiocy

[cynicaldesire]

Husband and I did this dumb thing where we are both always trying to be accomodating of the other, but still frustrated because in order to do that we need to inconvenience ourselves.

He wanted me to fry him up some sausages because he was hungry so he could nap before work, but I knew that doing all those things would mean wasting a bunch of my fuckin’ time washing a pot, making sausages, and then taking a nap I didn’t need and wouldn’t benefit me OR staying awake and trying not to disturb his nap because he still has to work tonight. He didn’t want me to have to wash a pot and cook since I wasn’t hungry and it was only to benefit him and he didn’t understand why I was so upset about taking a nap since neither of us got a lot of sleep. The argument was finally ended when I just started washing the pot and buttering the buns despite his protestations.

To be fair though, this comes on the heels of my own issues with being ignored when I feel like I’m the best one to handle a given situation but the other people don’t respect me or my knowledge enough to ask me first, just stumble through and then only look to me when things don’t work. Or stumble through and I follow behind and fix things but now I have to stop their enjoyment to employ the fix. Since it was the internet, I had to go change the password and SSID and in order to cement those things, the router had to reboot. But the husband was already watching shit on Youtube when I set it up, so now I had to ask him to pause his video and wait.

This also comes on the heels of having a fucking great time going out to eat at a restaurant and chatting instead of me sitting there while he scrolls through his discords, Google news, and reddits. I got to be a nerd about FF6, my fanfic, and we talked about mechanics and story and some shit I saw on Twitter. He went to the bathroom, came back and admitted he had a dumb Dragonball fanfic idea and I helped him with it and he said it was pretty great to have someone be supportive of his dumb idea even if he knew it was stupid.

I stopped myself from completely going off about all the reasons why I have such a hard time making friends is because I just got fucking tired of all the “Lol you have FEELINGS” crowd and whatever else and when have I ever NOT been supportive of him, his ideas, or other people? Like, even in my criticisms of our friend’s work, I do it to improve it, because he wants to write something good and what he has now isn’t very good, but it could be.

Anyway...

Husband and I didn’t get much sleep last night because we were super stressed about the fact that we set up an appointment for internet installation at an apartment we no longer live in. Because of the flooding, we now live one floor above. We don’t have a Japanese phone & number to call and get things changed, so our only recourse was to just... be alert for trucks or knocks on the door downstairs, that we can absolutely hear. So... we got up early to wait for the guys to install and the package with the modem/router to be redelivered. We thought we had lucked out on the redelivery because I could put in a new address, but the guy ended up going to the wrong apartment number anyway. (He almost left with the package, too.)

Husband is super upset and stressed and we’ve had like 6hrs of sleep, so he spends like 90% of the time on his cell phone scrolling through whatever while I roll around in bed bored, cuddled up to his side for contact and to share warmth.

Eventually the guys show up to do the install and he frantically moves everything out of the way, leaving me bereft of a bed and still dicking around on his phone, so now I dick around on my phone. Husband eventually looks at me and asks what’s happening on Twitter. I read aloud a tweet, we actually discussed recliners v rocking chairs (recliners are superior, especially if they are rocking recliners) and then we went back to dicking around, waiting for any interaction requirement on behalf of the installation guys.

Eventually they finish, not too long after the guy with the router shows up and knocks on the door downstairs. Husband scurries down there, gets the package, we install it. We argue over whether he should put the carpet back instead of leaving it rolled up because IT COULD GENERATE STATIC. He rolls it back out, puts everything back where it goes, and we set up the futon thing to sit on. I’ve been upset every day we sit on it because it is also our bed and if I sit on it too much, since I weigh so much, I am basically fucking up the integrity and making it unusable. It cost a bunch of money and we might need to buy a new one of this one ends up ruined as a result, but uh... too bad, husband wants to sit on it instead of anything else.

Then he starts being excited about our internet while I’m struggling to figure out how to set up the router to use our SSID so I don’t need to use a fuckin string of 14 random characters. I’m not done setting it up, please wait. Once that is done, he starts talking about how he wants to take a nap. This is annoying because I suck at taking naps unless one knocks my ass out. Even then, unless I nap for like 4hrs, I am left feeling groggy and my eyes kinda hurting. And it means less time to spend with him. BUT OKAY SURE, YOU NEED A NAP. But he’s also hungry and he can’t sleep if he’s hungry, so now that means I gotta cook.

He apologizes for being a big baby and I tell him it’s fine because I knew this going in but sometimes it’s still annoying and he does try to correct his behavior, so it’s not like he is a little shit and he just continues to be a little shit. And this is a really stressful time. We don’t have a lot of money, we won’t for a while, we’re still looking for and getting stuff to round out our house to be normal and comfortable, and he’s having to do a different job with more responsibility and a completely opposite schedule than the last one. So... it’ll take a while to get settled in so we can stop being stressed.

And then we ate some food and took a nap.

[frangipanidownunder]

Fic: Three times Scully buzzed Mulder and one time he buzzed her

Based on the vibrator/blobfish blooper. How many times did Scully startle Mulder with that vibe? NSFW at the end. Tagging @today-in-fic

i

She swore the first time it was an accident. Mulder wasn’t supposed to be there. He’d dropped by with a housewarming gift – a peace lily – to surprise her. She really didn’t need another dead plant on her conscience but there he stood at the entry, smiling up into the security camera, with a glazed white pot in one hand and a bottle of zinfandel in the other and that ‘how could you turn me away grin’ on his face. How could you turn him away?

           His ass looked fine in those skinny jeans as he walked through the apartment nodding here and peering there, approving of the gadgets, pressing all the buttons on the keypads and picking up every remote. Finally, he settled into her chair by the fireplace. Adele was playing in the background. Pizza was on its way anyway. Why not just go with the flow?

She sipped the wine as he yammered on about how some Reddit thread about fauna he’d jumped on had turned feral and she half wondered if the houseplant was a sign she’d missed or some kind of new euphemism. She chanced a Google, punctuating his ever wilder story with the occasional nod and ‘oh’. Urban Dictionary listed nothing for peace lily, but calla lily seemed to suggest a soft woman who was hot in bed. She tried to hide her cough of surprise but it caught his attention.

           “Bones in the wine, Scully?” The smile that spread across his face showed her just how much she missed casual evenings on that couch in their shitty little house. Now, she sat opposite him, regretting her choice of the two single-seaters. Everything seemed so clinical, so isolated. There was nothing to connect them.

Mulder carried on his lurid tale and she looked at her phone to see the street definition of houseplant. An antisocial guy who ignores his girlfriend. She took a large sip of wine and hit the back button. A buzz. A yelp. And Mulder leapt up.

“What the fuck was that?”

Her phone clattered to the floor as she stood up too. The buzzing continued, muffled but insistent. He pulled up the cushions and she sucked in a horrified breath. Fuck. His long fingers wrapped around its pink girth and her cheeks flushed a complementary shade. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Oh my, Scully. One is the loneliest number,” he said, holding up the Je Joue.

ii

If the office was a trusty old friend, motels were the two-faced bitch who’d draw you in for a hug then snap at you for being overly familiar. Adjoining rooms, sounds of Mulder murmuring. Was he on his cell, talking to real people or vocally admiring internet porn? She messaged him.

           Take out?

           Eat out?

           Wtf?

           Lol.

           Don’t lol me Mulder.

           You wtf’d me, Scully. I can lol you if I want.

           You said you wanted to eat me out.

           “There’s no way I would be that crude, Scully.” His real voice was always a honeyed surprise. She shivered despite herself as he walked through the door.

           “Make yourself at home,” she said, as he lounged on her bed.

           “Besides, if I wanted to do that, I’d ask you properly.”

           “And, pray tell,” she said, sitting next to him and relishing the dip in the mattress that meant their thighs slid together. “What is the proper way to ask to eat someone out?”

           He took her cell from her hands and smiled that lazy, arrogant, sexy grin. Before he could answer, a buzz. A yelp. A guttural groan and he pushed his hand under his ass.

           “The fuck, Scully?” He whipped out the vibe. Her skin burned. He held it up to the light, inspecting it. Her breath left her body. “You love this thing, don’t you?”

           “Mulder…”

           “You take it everywhere, it gets to sit on the couch with you, you take it to bed with you…”

           “You make it sound like a pet.”

           He shrugged. “I was going to say boyfriend, but whatever floats your boat, Scully.”

           There was a magic moment of silence, weighted, where she waited for his next jibe but it didn’t come. He simply slipped the vibe back under his legs and she heard his lips pop open. He picked up her cell. “What do I press, Scully?”

 iii

Her apartment was toast. Burnt out. The smell of smoke lasted longer than the sadness she felt at saying goodbye. The living had been Spartan, cool, short-term. Their house was more shabby than chic but she felt its warm welcome as she walked up the steps and pulled open the fly wire. Mulder had cleaned up. Kind of. There was less clutter on the shelves, only a small pile of magazines on the side tables, the fridge was newly stocked, the kitchen cupboards reasonably full. And there was always something comforting about the way Mulder used the staircase as a library. In fact, the smell of knowledge always left her feeling a little horny.

           He helped her with her bags, standing them on the landing between the main bedroom and the spare. There were more piles of books, pushed against the walls between the doors. She liked to think of it as a bridge of words, connecting their minds.

           “I think it’s too early,” she said, watching him deflate a little.

           He took the bags into the spare and stood in the doorway, arms folded. “Thank you for choosing chez Mulder,” he said.

           She indulged him with a genuine smile. “I’ve heard the hospitality is second to none.”

           “The spare room has a particular vibe…I’ll let you get settled in.”

           His hand was a familiar weight in her hand. “Help me unpack?”

           He folded, tucked, hung and layered without a word. There was one small bag left, a Maine holdall that reminded her of killer dolls and mass hysteria. Crazy times when inanimate objects took on a life of their own. She tipped it upside down on the bed, contents rolling out haphazardly. Mulder sat, sending the contents rolling side to side. Her phone sparked to life in her hip pocket and she fished it out, walking to the landing to answer. The connection was hinky and she paced to find the best spot.

           Bill took too much of her time with family stuff and preaching, and by the time she opened the door again, Mulder was lying across the bed, on his side, face covered in a silk slip she hadn’t worn since forever but couldn’t part with. She imagined the smell of that item to him was comparable to his books to her. Memories, skin, romantic nostalgia.

Climbing behind him, she draped an arm over his and he pulled her hand to his, tucking it between his legs. A buzz, a low growl and she felt him flinch and twitch.

           “I was hoping you’d do that,” he hissed as the vibration continued. “I swear, Scully, if you ever find out how to properly control this thing, it’ll be such a downer.”

iv

It would be a cold day in hell when she’d eat sushi again. And as for blobfish? Never again. Mulder shook his head and grabbed her hand, hurrying them out of the restaurant.

           “We’re out of here,” he said, wrapping her jacket round her shoulders. The air was fresh. But the company was warm. Mulder was home. It didn’t matter where the physical location was, as long as he was there, it was a welcome place. It had taken her 25 years to realise it, but she had now and driving up the gravel path to their home, uneven roof, holey fly wires, splintered steps, Ikea furnishings, nothing else mattered other than his presence by her side.

           Her clothes might have hung in the wardrobe next door, but her heart hung over the bed in the main room. She luxuriated in the Egyptian cotton comfort while Mulder cleaned his teeth. The night was ink-dark and the soft golden pool of light from the bedside lamp spilled warmth over her side of the bed. His smile was as promising.

           “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

           “It’s a marvellous night for a moon dance,” she said, pulling back the sheets.

           “Is that a euphemism?”

           “Call it what you will, Mulder.” He was warm and pliant in her arms, kissing her with familiar passion.

           Divesting themselves of clothes took no time and skin-to-skin, she wrapped her leg over his hips and ground herself against him. They fitted together perfectly. Always had. It felt so good, sparking waves of pleasure from the inside out. He mumbled into her neck and her nipples stood on end.

           “There’s something I want to do for you, Scully.”

           She imagined his head between her legs, bristled chin chafing her thighs and a flush of liquid pooled at her centre. But instead, he reached over her and fumbled in the drawer.

           “I think we’re a little beyond needing protection, Mulder.”

           He chuckled and rolled her onto her back. “No barriers, Scully.”

           “What is it?”

           A buzz. A deep, resonant hum. And she couldn’t tell if it was the vibe or her. He pressed it to her and she parted her legs with a deep sigh. His breath poured over her, warming her chin, neck, chest, before his lips found a nipple and at once she purred, pulsated. His insistent massaging played in rhythm to his licking and sucking and she was about ready to implode.

           “Fuck, Mulder. This is unbearable.”

           “Tell me what you want, Scully.”

           She couldn’t put the words together as he pressed the vibe against her clit. No matter how many different ways she played with this thing, there was no beating the confident hand of the man she loved. She bucked up to meet it, heels digging into the mattress. Wet heat escaped her and his cock leaked against her thigh. “I want you to fuck me. Just you. In me. Now.”

           It was a whirlwind of skin and slickness and thrusting and bumping. He pounded and she pushed up, she groaned and he bit, he pulled her arms above her head, she shifted her feet to his shoulders, he knelt and she screamed. Stars burst behind her eyes. It took a long time to come down and when she finally did, she heard the buzz and the whirr and then the crash of deafening silence as the Je Joue fell to the floor.

           “I think we broke it,” Mulder said, half-laughing. “How will you survive without it?”

           She pushed his fingers against her still pulsating clit. “I think I’ll cope.”