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cal-puddies · 3 years ago

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Peace // Ashton Irwin

Sometimes Crys and I don't sleep and we come up with harebrained ideas. She said she's been wanting me to write another Ash piece for awhile and I kinda just stopped because she covers the Ash space now and I like how banter-y she makes him. So anyway, the idea got tossed around for a few minutes and it took me maybe a day to write this. I hope you all enjoy.

Shouts to my Otter for making the graphic, as always! @kindahoping4forever!!!

Warnings: sleepy, soft, boyf ash fresh from tour sex.

Word Count: 1655

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist

Let us know what you think!

Ash watches you sleep. He’s happy to be home with you, happy you moved in right before he left.

He’s tired, but the change from sleeping on the bus to sleeping in his bed usually was a little rough for him. And then also adjusting to having you in bed too… well, it led to a restless night and a 4 am wake up.

He gently swipes the hair off your face. He likes you here, even if he knows it’s something he’ll have to adjust to every time he leaves or comes home.

He can’t help himself, he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. He instantly feels bad as your eyes start to flutter, he thinks you’ll fully wake up and pull away from his body, and he likes you so close.

He watches your eyes focus and find him, you don’t pull away. “Hey you.” You murmur.

He cups your cheek, “Sorry I woke you.”

You frown, “s’fine baby. I’d rather be up with you than you up by yourself.” You think for a minute, taking in the lack of sun streaming into the room, “can’t sleep?”

“Yeah, it’s normal when I get back from tour. Couple days to a couple weeks typically.” He sighs, moving his hand to your waist. “I like you here though.” He flashes a quick smile.

“Yeah… it’s not the worst place I could be.” You agree. “It’s not the couch in the studio.”

“What’re you talking about? That couch is amazing. Everyone…”

“No one likes that couch!” You laugh, cutting him off.

“Cal likes that couch!” He laughs.

“Of course your boyfriend does…” you giggle. You quickly stop yourself knowing it’s super early, and Matt is home. “Are you tired? Or not really?”

“I’m exhausted but my body is just not used to this.” He admits. His hand caresses over your body in a gentle way, he’s not meaning it to be sexual, mostly just wants to re-familiarize himself with your skin and curves. He knows it all like the back of his hand when he’s home, and it’s safe to say he misses it when he’s on the road. He misses you.

“Well…” you think for a minute, “it’s dark in here, we’re in bed, no phone use. Pretty optimal sleeping temp for you…”

“I know… it’s perfect for sleeping.” He nods, “you did great… and you naked next to me… definitely a plus.” He leans in for a kiss and you tangle your fingers in his hair. His hand gently trails down your side, “think I have an idea…” he murmurs, pulling your thigh up on his hip and moving you both to being on your sides, facing each other.

“Oh…” you grin against his lips. “You woke me up for this.” You adjust your leg, pulling yourself closer to him.

“No no no.” He chuckles, “it just came to me and I figured you’d want to help me out.”

“Well I can be persuaded. And I know you need the sleep.” You pout.

“So gracious, love.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to yours. He deepens the kiss and his hands explore more of your body, rubbing on your thighs, carefully palming your breasts, tweaking your nipples. He kneads your ass a bit, and then adjusts his hard cock so it’s splitting your lips. He gently moves his hips, sliding between your lips, against your clit.

Your breath hitches, it’s been too long since you had him, you wanna feel him fill you so bad but you don’t want to rush it. You love the reintroduction sessions you get to have with him. And he seems set on taking his time with the touching and teasing.

His lips move to your neck, a quiet moan of “Ash,” spills out of your mouth. He continues moving his lips down, replacing his cock with his fingers, rubbing circles on your clit while his lips and tongue pay attention to your nipples.

“Getting so wet for me.” He murmurs, pressing wet kisses between your breasts and back up to your neck.

You press your lips to his forehead, “please.” You hum.

He kisses back down, you watch him mouth your tits, enveloping one of your nipples between his lips, sucking and teasing with his tongue. He pulls his fingers from your clit and gently pushes his two middle fingers into you. You shudder and he switches his mouth to your other breast. You look down and push his dark curls off his forehead and he looks up at you. He grins at you, quickly going back to work.

You thread your fingers in his hair and grip, tugging, biting into your lip to keep from making too much noise. You pull on his hair to pull him up, and you moan into his mouth the second it’s on yours. “Please Ash, need you… need your heavy cock.” You whimper against his ear.

He withdraws his fingers and grabs your jaw, he turns your head to the side, “I can feel how much you need me… need you too, need you wrapped around me.” He let’s go of your jaw and pushes the two wet fingers between your lips. You diligently clean them and smile into the kiss you get when he pulls them out. “You ready love?” He asks, rubbing your thigh, you nod at him, “me too.” He agrees, a soft smile crossing his face.

He resituates you both on your sides, facing each other, you rest your bent leg on his hip and he guides his tip in, he watches you gasp, and decides to let you adjust for a minute. He pulls your body closer, pushing himself further in, and then he settles. You press your face into his chest, “missed you.” You murmur.

“Missed you too.” He says into the top of your head.

You hold him close as he starts to slowly work his hips. He gets a steady rhythm and you look up for a kiss. He notices that you aren’t making a lot of noise, and even the slight noise you make against his mouth is less than anticipated, even if you are trying to be quiet.

Ash makes a split second decision. He quickly pulls out and turns you, pushing you on to your back against the mattress, he pulls your leg over his hip and guides himself in, and then moves his top leg between yours, giving him good leverage and full access to your body. Your head immediately goes back against the pillows and your jaw drops. “Oh god… that angle.” You moan, much louder than you mean to.

“There it is… missed that.” He grins, kissing you. He keeps his pace slow, drawing whimpers and moans from you, he spends time lavishing his tongue over your nipples, enjoying every sound you make for him. “Feel good?” He presses his lips to yours.

“So good… holy fuck.” You nod. “Baby… what if… faster? If the goal is to get you sleepy?” You ask around shallow breaths.

“Can you stay quiet? Don’t wanna wake Matt up.” He asks, pressing his lips to yours. You mumble a ‘yes’, and he starts to move his hips faster, works himself deeper.

You immediately have to pull him in to keep you muffled, mouth either pressed to his or into his skin, nails digging at the star tattoo. Ash is loving it, how tightly you cling to him.

Ash groans in your ear, “fuck baby… missed you like this.” His hot breath coats your neck as he pants. “Open and all for me.”

You’re straining to keep quiet, trying hard to not be any louder than the sound of skin on skin, his hot breath on your neck, his grunts in your ear to egg you on.

He relents only when he thinks you might actually scratch his tattoo clear off. He slows his pace, taking deep and long strokes. “Oh god… just like that.” You pant. He keeps it up until your soft whines indicate you’re about to cum and he pulls out completely. “Ash! Please.” You cry out.

“I know love.” He murmurs. Trying to soothe you. He quickly moves you again, he sits up against the headboard and he pulls you on top of him, chest to chest. “Want you right here.” He holds your face between both hands and gives you the softest kiss, shifting the mood. Ash’s hands and lips worship your body, touching every inch of you while guiding you in a slow rhythm on his cock.

You pull him into a desperate kiss, “baby… I’m gonna…” you whine quietly.

“I’m right there too, love. Cum for me.” He encourages.

You rest your head against his shoulder, “feels so good.” You start sucking at his skin and he feels you squeeze around him. He pushes his hands against your upper back, pulling you against him. He feels you shudder as the orgasm works through your body, and he starts cumming, pumping you full. He keeps a tight grip on you and quickly moves you to your back, him on top of you.

He gives you a couple shallow thrusts before pulling out. He presses a couple soft kisses along your collarbone, pushing himself up, he lands on his back next to you and he does his best to hold in a yawn while you watch him. “I’d like to go on record and say that was anything but boring.” You whisper.

“You are absolutely correct. Not at all boring, but exactly what I needed to wear me out.” He rolls on this side and trails his fingers over your body. He reaches over you to grab for the shirt you took off before crawling in bed, he quickly cleans you up and then you're both resituated under the blanket with Ash’s head on your chest. He barely whispers “love you,” before falling asleep.

You gently rub your hands over his shoulders, “love you. Glad you’re home.”

#Ashton Irwin #5sos #Ashton smut #5sos smut #5 seconds of summer #peace #the morning series #love this series #cass #yes we are continuing the Taylor naming convention #fight me #ask and you shall recieve

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13uswntimagines · 3 years ago

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Our Song (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

Request: alyssa naehex reader thats set during quarantine w/ “Shy” by Alexander Stewart. I just kind of think it’s cute since she’s an introvert and that it would be fitting

Author’s Note: Speical Thanks To @literaryhedgehog

Alyssa knew she should just say it, that admitting it out loud would finally put an end to this madness. She ran a soothing hand through your hair when you sniffled loudly into her chest.

God, she should just tell you how she felt. But, she also didn’t want to overstep. That would make being roommates really awkward. Especially since neither of you were supposed to leave the apartment right now except for essential purchases. And she didn’t want to lose her best friend. That would really suck.

But she wasn’t afraid to say what no one else would- you had a terrible taste when it came to partners. You chose people who didn’t value you, and you always ended up hurt.

This time was no different, well, it was slightly different considering you couldn’t leave your shared apartment to cope like you normally would. Alyssa didn’t know if that was better or worse, considering that you had adapted your breakup routine to just be endless cuddles with her and your favorite stuffed animal.

She had already spent the last hour making comforting noises. You had stopped shedding tears 15 minutes ago, so Alyssa decided it was time to go for some humor. “Hey, so now you and Taylor Swift have something in common!”

“Hmm” You hummed in acknowledgment, your eyes never leaving where Supergirl was playing on screen.

“Well, she was broken up with over text. You were broken up with over text. I think this is the perfect opportunity to listen to her re-recording of Fearless, and really channel those emotions!”

“No, Joe broke up with her in a 27-second phone call,” You lifted your head up off of her very comfortable chest to raise your eyebrow at the woman.

Alyssa was a great keeper, and amazing at crosswords, but she always needed your help when it came to Taylor trivia.

“Then Joe showed more consideration as an 18-year-old child than your 32 year old wanna be soccer star. It doesn’t change the fact that I think listening to Mr Perfectly Fine would be cathartic.”

“It’s kinda funny that she wrote Forever and Always, Mr. Perfectly fine, Better than Revenge and Holy Ground all about the same guy, they’re all so different from each other,” You mumbled, settling back down on her chest. At least she didn’t say that you had as many breakups as she did. That was a rude joke. (One Alyssa wouldn’t dare make. She was more cultured than the media asshats that chased your team around).

“Woman’s efficient,” Alyssa shrugged. “No reason why you can't recycle the same emotion into a different song genre.”

“At least she could make millions off her pain. All I seem to be able to do is kick the ball harder,” You grumbled. Your landlord complained about you practicing in the street because of how hard you sent the ball careening into his precious brick wall. It wasn’t your fault Alyssa was too slow to stop the PK.

“Darling, considering you’re one of the strongest kickers on the east coast, I’d say that pain is going to a worthwhile cause. But you do kind of have the worst taste in relationships.”

“Hey! Savannah wasn’t a bad choice, just bad timing,” You huffed indignantly.

“So that would be one out of…. How many bad relationships?”

“At least one for every Taylor Swift album,”

“Okay, here’s a fun idea, choose an ex for each album,” Alyssa said brightly. Thinking about music would definitely cheer you up. “Wannabe soccer star is obviously your Joe, so represents the Fearless album. Which relationship is your… Drew?”

“You already know the answer to that question,” you said, already picking up your phone to add Teardrops on my Guitar to the music queue. You then quickly added Forever and Always and started scrolling through Speak Now for the next song inspiration.

Alyssa nodded. It was a well-known fact that you had a massive crush on one Hope Solo growing up, and you had been absolutely enamored with her the second you set foot into camp. But Alyssa also knew that Hope was very faithful to a certain veteran.

The veteran keeper had tried to let you down easy, and Kelley was still one of your best friends, but it had hurt in the moment.

“Kristie was my Haunted,” you said, smiling slightly. Dating her felt like a whirlwind, one that took your breath until you never thought it would end. She made butterflies flutter in your stomach, and you were so desperate to say the right thing, to be the perfect partner, that you always felt like you were walking a tightrope. Floating on air, but desperate to keep your balance. “At least she had the decency to wait until we were in the same city to end it.”

“Aren’t the two of you friends now?” Alyssa looked down at you, watching as you scrolled through songs from your comfortable place on her chest.

You nodded with a small smile. “Hmm, we are much better off that way anyway.”

“I bet you I can guess who your We are Never Ever Getting Back Together person is,” Alyssa trilled, reaching down to take the phone.

You playfully snatched it away from her. “Who’s to say I wasn’t going to choose I knew you were trouble?” You raised your eyebrow at the woman, who simply smirked in response.

“I can tell you who that is too if you like,” Alyssa reached for her own phone and took over control of the speakers, adding both songs to the music queue.

“Alright, I’ll bite. Who?”

“You definitely knew Sam Kerr was trouble, and I think it took you 4 breakups with Leah to finally call it quits,”

“I was going to say Leah for 1989, it took me forever to realize how fucked up our relationship was after we finally broke up,”

“I’m sure the distance didn’t help.” With her in London and you in Chicago things just kind of fell apart.

“Maybe,” you hummed, noncommittally.

“Okay, so for Reputation. I’m thinking Don’t Blame Me,”

“You did go a bit crazy for Jane…” Alyssa said with a roll of her eyes. You had almost moved to Houston for that girl, thank god you didn’t. You sunburned like nobody's business.

“Oh come on. You just didn’t like the idea of me moving. And considering how long we had been dating at that point it did make sense!” You argued.

“It was 3 months Y/n,” She deadpanned.

“I was in a wlw relationship. That’s like practically three years, it’s not like I brought a u-haul to our first date.”

Alyssa quirked an eyebrow up at you. “Didn’t you have one of those the first time we met?”

“Yeah, because I wasn’t moving into my college apartment without any furniture!”

“Whatever you say, babe. Who's your Folklore?” She rolled her eyes goodnaturedly.

“I think you skipped an album,” you said. This was weird because Lover was one of Alyssa’s favorite albums. “But, since you asked. I think Kelley is The 1.”

“Ah, our favorite squirrel,” Alyssa’s lips ticked up. You and Kelley had dated in college (something that should have made her jealous), but Kelley was the one pushing her to admit her feelings now.

“We were just too young and dumb,” you said, smiling. “We had a great time together, and it would have been fun if it worked out. But at some point we just realized, we were friends, but there wasn’t anything romantic there.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Alyssa said, like a liar.

“I’m not. Her and Emily are like made for each other,” You snorted with the shake of your head. “And at least she wasn’t afraid of the world knowing we were together,”

“Well, yeah,” Alyssa smiled. She had loved seeing the way being publicly out with Kelley had brought out the best of you. “ Okay moving on! Next, we need to narrow down your No body, No Crime.”

“I take offense. Alex is still alive, so that doesn’t count,” You huffed.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding. I know you didn’t kill any of your significant others,” Alyssa said, laughing. “Though if you listened to the song you would know that’s my job… ”

“Alex was my Champagne Problems,” You mumbled sadly. That relationship had been the hardest for you, as had the breakup. She was terrified of the world even suspecting she wasn’t straight.

You had everything, except the freedom to be yourself, and In the end, you couldn’t take the hiding anymore.

“You did your best, love. But people come out at their own pace. And it was before Obergfell v. Hodges was decided. Being queer was still more likely to be presented as a scandal in the media then.”

“She cheated on me with Serv. She doesn’t get a pass,” You grumbled, crossing your arms.

“I’m pretty sure you were on a break dear,” Alyssa said, though she was inclined to agree with you. Being on a ‘break’ but not officially breaking up didn’t seem like a reason to start dating other people. Still getting over some of the semantics might theoretically help you move on. “BUT maybe we should move on. Who is your Lover?”

Your eyes squinted thoughtfully, a light pink shading your cheeks. “The only person who hasn’t ever left me is you. You let me leave the Christmas lights up until May and dance around the kitchen when you cook.”

Alyssa looked away, not able to meet your eyes. ”I mean, the lights can change color, so they can be thematic all year. And you’re the one who chooses the music to listen to while I cook. I can’t help it if they’re all great for dancing.”

“You can dance to anything. I’m pretty sure you turned a Hosier song into a salsa dance last week.” You giggled.

“The only person I dance with is you, Y/n,” Alyssa said, finally meeting your eyes. She could feel her body start shaking slightly, as the adrenaline kicked in. She was going to do it. She was going to tell you. “I don’t want to dance if I’m not dancing with you.”

“I’d dance with you in a storm in my best dress,”

“I have tried so hard to be supportive about your last several relationships. But seeing you dancing to your favorite song with anyone else… I’ve loved you for three years now and I couldn’t bear it.”

The air was suddenly charged between you, and you realized your faces were just inches apart. It was hard to breathe. You never dreamed your best friend would return your feelings (maybe that’s why you had so many bad relationships).

“Kiss me,” you breathed, slowly moving around so your heads were at the same level.

“That’s not a Taylor swift Lyric,” Alyssa said. In her brain, there was a loading sign currently whirring in little circles, as she attempted to process what you just said. Did you mean what she thought you said?

“Baby just say yes,” You said, feeling so happy that tears were coming to your eyes. You leaned forward getting inches from her face, so close you could feel her breath hitch. “Please kiss me.”

“Yes,” was all Alyssa had time to say before she closed the distance and kissed you.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #alyssa naeher imagine #alyssa naeher x reader

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mercy-burning · 4 years ago

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Pretty Please (Reprise)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: About a year has passed since Reader and Spencer got together, and they spend the day celebrating. PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4 / EPILOGUE Category: Fluff, mostly Smut 18+ (dom!Spencer, fingering, slight exhibitionism, car sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex- creampie, slight degradation) Warnings: Sex, language. As always, if there’s anything I missed, please let me know what I should include in warnings! I want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you! Word Count: 1.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: Thank you all so much for reading this series! It turned into something I wasn’t really expecting, and I’m very glad you all have enjoyed it, because it’s really pushed me to keep writing. Thank you!!! I hope you enjoy this short little spicy epilogue 🥰

***

She knew she was going to be in for it later, but she didn't care. Messing with him was too much fun. Not to mention when he finally got her alone and had his way with her, she would be more than satisfied.

"Y/N, stop it," Spencer said lowly in her ear.

Her hand remained on its course as she smirked, and he sighed, irritated. When she circled the tip of his dick through his pants, keeping her eyes focused on the scene in front of her, he grabbed it, lacing his fingers through hers and setting their entwined hands on her knee.

She pouted, but smiled right after, then turned her attention to the screen.

Spencer and Y/N were coming up on one whole year of being together, and though she just wanted to spend the day inside, he insisted on taking her out. They went out for breakfast, then to the park, and now they were at the movie theater. She tried to enjoy every second, and though deep down she really did—she always enjoyed being with him regardless of what they were doing—she was desperate for him. He'd been away on a case for almost a week and a half, and now that he was home she was feeling particularly... needy.

She hardly paid attention to the movie, her thoughts clouded by images and memories of their first excursion together. She replayed it over and over in her head, the wanting look in his eyes as she sank to her knees and pleaded for him to let her make up for the fact that she'd invaded his privacy. "Pretty please," she'd begged, and since then she always remembered how beautiful he looked in that moment. She never forgot it, and never would in a million years.

If there weren't any other people in the theater, she would have been bolder, maybe even so bold as to re-create that moment right there. Though, as hot as sex in public had proved to be on occasion, she'd come to learn that Spencer was not a fan of germs, and she knew ultimately that even if there weren't any people in the theater, he wouldn't have let her get on the floor to do what she wanted anyway.

They were sitting in the back row, though, and the only other people in the room was a family of four down in the middle. So Y/N wanted to take another risk.

He eventually untangled his fingers from hers once he trusted her to not make any moves, and she took that as her opening. She waited about fifteen minutes, and then reached under her skirt, inconspicuously hooking her fingers through the waistband of her panties and pulling them down her legs as her eyes stayed glued to the screen. She felt Spencer's hand grip her knee in warning, but she didn't care. As she reached for her cup and took a drink from her soda, her other hand dropped her panties in his lap.

That was all she was going to do, and she should have known he'd make this hard on her, but alas, when his hand slid up from her knee and rested at her inner thigh, his pinkie finger reaching over and resting just above her clit, she almost choked on her soda.

"You asked for it," he leaned over and whispered lowly in her ear, pressing a soft kiss to her neck before pulling back. His hand stayed where it was for just a few minutes before he shifted, wasting no time plunging his middle and ring fingers inside her. Y/N bit her lip to stifle a moan, while also clutching the armrests of the seat for dear life as his fingers pumped in and out slowly.

As the movie played in front of them, Spencer brought her to the edge three times, pulling his fingers out and licking them clean as she fought the urge to beg him to let her cum, right before going back in each time. It was torture, but she did, in fact, sign up for it.

When it was obvious that the movie was ending, he picked up his pace and curled his fingers in just the right way, and she almost yelped. He leaned into her one last time, and said, "You're going to cum on my fingers, and then you're going to clean them, got it? Be fast."

That was all she needed to finish, and she came as quietly as she could, her legs clenching around his hand and her eyes squeezing shut as she tried not to call out. When he felt her legs loosen around him, he slid his fingers up through her pussy and circled her clit a few times, making her jolt forward, before pulling away and quietly bringing his fingers to her mouth. She happily took them, sucking them as quickly and quietly as she could. She let out a soft groan as he pulled them out, but then stifled a louder one as he ran his fingers through her again, gathering more of her arousal. She cleaned them off once more before the credits started to roll, and then he stood up, bringing her with him.

As the family ahead of them walked up the aisles and out of the door, Spencer shoved her panties in his pocket and ushered themselves out behind them.

He didn't say a word the whole walk to the car. And even when they started driving, he said nothing.

"Hey," Y/N started nervously as he pulled out of the parking lot. "I... I hope I didn't make you do something you were uncomfortable with. I was onl— wait, where are we going? I thought you said after the movie we'd go home?"

Spencer gave a knowing smile as he drove down an empty alley. "That was before you decided to act like a needy little whore in public. I was going to wait until we got home and be gentle with you, but now I have some other ideas."

She tried to hide a grin, already growing excited and wondering what he was going to do to her.

He parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt before scooting the seat all the way back and moving to undo his belt. "You're going to ride me until I finish, and maybe if you're lucky you'll get to cum. Get over here." His voice was desperate, and Y/N could tell that his primary goal was to get off, it didn't matter if she did as well or not. But they'd been in that position before, and she knew that even if she didn't orgasm now, when they got home he would give her whatever she wanted. He always did.

Spencer removed his dick from his pants as she climbed over him, her skirt fanning out over them. Without warning he gripped her hips and brought her down on top of him, and she gasped as his hips lifted to meet hers. He did this a few more times before stilling and willing her to move on her own accord. She set a steady pace bouncing on him as her hands gripped his shoulders. His hands, in turn, slipped under her skirt and gripped her ass, his fingernails digging in as harshly as they could. It spurred her to move faster, and he leaned his head back with a groan. "Shit, pretty girl, just like that..."

He lifted his hips then, just a little so he could hit inside her deeper as she came down, and she cried out. She could feel him getting closer, and she knew just what would do the trick. "Fuck, baby, cum inside me, please! Give it to me," she breathed, high-pitched and close to the edge herself.

Sure enough, his cock pulsated inside her and in no time he was filling her up, groaning out her name as it happened. She kept going, though, chasing her own release that was just on the surface, almost about to break through the water. But Spencer pulled her off of him and she whined, feeling his cum start to leak out a little.

"Please, Spencer, I was so close... Please..."

As she hovered over him, her legs barely holding herself up, he gripped her chin in his right hand and looked her in the eye. "I don't know... You were being a pretty bad girl at the theater."

"I know, and I'm so, so sorry..."

He ran his tongue over his bottom lip before biting it, pausing for a moment and then cocking his head and using his free hand to run up her inner thigh. "Beg for it."

"Spencer, please," she whined, leaning into his touch. "I'm sorry, please, just let me cum, I promise I'll be good."

It apparently wasn't to his satisfaction, because he continued tracing patterns along her inner thigh as his cum dripped down it. His eyes searched hers, silently telling her what she needed to say to get what she wanted.

She almost smiled as she said it, dropping her voice to a seductive plea. "Pretty please..."

He smirked, sliding his fingers inside her. "That's my girl."

He fucked his cum back into her with his fingers, curling them and feeling her tighten around him as she got closer. "Fuck, thank you, thank you, ohh..."she trailed off, shutting her eyes and going blind with pleasure. Soon enough she was crying out as she peaked, her fingernails no doubt leaving marks in Spencer's shoulders, even through the fabric of his shirt.

When she caught her breath and loosened her grip on him, he removed his fingers from her and brought them to his mouth, doing his best to get rid of most of the mess. But then, as if he'd had an epiphany, Y/N watched as he pulled his panties from his pocket and used them to clean up between her legs and what little had made its way onto his pants and the seat of the car beneath them.

"You know I put napkins in the glovebox, right?" she laughed as she got off his lap and sat down in her own seat. She grabbed one of them and opened it to bunch her panties in, finally setting it in her lap as Spencer readjusted himself.

"Yeah, but that was more fun anyway," he replied matter-of-factly, and it made her smile.

"Hey, before we go home can we stop for a burger? Car sex makes me crave fast food."

As he started the car and turned on the radio, the familiar tune of Love Song by Tesla picking up where it left off on the mix CD she'd made him for their anniversary, he leaned over to kiss her cheek sweetly. "Anything for you, pretty girl."

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds smut

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themandhoelorian · 4 years ago

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Dincember - December 4: Hot Chocolate

summary: Mando has unique ways of showing his affection for his son, like getting him hyper on too many cups of hot chocolate, but it’s only after a long day of bringing the kid down from his sugar high that you realize Mando has similar ways of showing how much he cares for you.

pairing: din djarin (the mandalorian) x gn!reader

warnings: a caffeine addiction, sleep deprivation, the smallest sexual innuendo, Din being sweeter than hot chocolate, not super well edited ahaha

word count: 3.2k

a/n: asdfghkldf this is so so late but this week has been long and exhausting (no this fic was definitely NOT me projecting), and I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to write :/. I’m not even really sure this makes sense, but that’s kind of how my brain works when it’s exhausted, so hopefully on some level that’s accurate ahaha

***

You never understood the appeal of caf until you joined Mando’s crew.

The first time someone offered you a cup, that one day you showed up to the tiny mechanic shop of your first job with bags under your eyes, complaining about how little sleep you’d gotten the night before, you thought you’d been handed a steaming cup of motor oil by accident instead.

The dark liquid felt like lava on the roof of your mouth, leaving the taste of bitter ash on your tongue as you willed sip after sip down your throat. It did pull you out of the sleep-deprived fog, but it was more of a jolt in the opposite direction than a gentle tug, your body shooting into overdrive and hands shaking so intensely you burned your fingers on your soldering iron more times than you could count that day.

After that, you tried to stay away from caf as much as possible. No matter how little you’d slept the night before, how often you were caught staring blankly at the wall instead of untangling a mess of wires, you always refused when you saw a mug of hellfire coming your way. The acrid taste, the jitters, none of it was worth enduring when you just had to make it to closing before you could go home and sleep away the fatigue.

But now, your full time job is taking care of a child, and every night is a night with too little sleep. You spend your days trying to wrangle a warm, mischievous demon into compliance instead of just manipulating cold scraps of metal, and the kid doesn’t have “closing hours”- not with how violently he reacts to the notion of bedtime- so there’s never a sweet finish line to look forward to at the end of the day.

You thought you’d known exhaustion before, felt it heavy on your shoulders those months you worked overtime to make ends meet, but that was light years away from what you feel now. The black hole of sleep consumes you as soon as you get the chance to lie down, and when you inevitably wake to the sound of cries a few hours later, it feels like the weight of the galaxy is crushing your lungs, making it nearly impossible to crawl back out of bed.

So after just a few weeks on the Crest, after that one day when you accidentally dozed off watching the kid play and woke to find him sticking a finger into the barrel of a blaster (thankfully Mando had the sense not to keep his weapons loaded on the ship or Maker, that could’ve ended badly), you bought a caf maker on the next planet and forced yourself to chug a cup every morning since.

The taste still sucks, no matter how much cream you’ve tried mixing in, but it doesn’t make you jittery like it used to, the caffeine just enough to keep you awake, and now you don’t know how you ever took care of the little womp rat without it, especially on the days when Mando returns from his hunts and the child bursts with energy to welcome his father home.

Even if it’s only been a couple days since Mando left, you’d think he’d been gone for months with the way they act at seeing each other again. The kid’s just downright ecstatic, dropping whatever part he’s playing with as soon as he hears the hiss of the hull opening and babbling excitedly as he runs into his father’s arms. He’ll follow Mando’s every move for at least an hour after he’s returned, and sometimes, you have to literally pry him from the beskar so Mando can retreat to the cockpit and set the course to the next planet.

And then there’s Mando. He’ll look stoic as ever as he takes the child into his arms, but you can feel how eager he is to reunite with his son, his affection all but spilling out the sides of his armored chest. He’ll never admit it, of course, you’re not sure he’d even be able to find the words to say it if he wanted to, but he finds other ways to show the kid how much he missed him, how deeply he cares about his little foundling.

More often than not, those methods include spoiling the child to no end, giving into the kid’s every desire and providing him with a few moments of pure, unrestrained joy. And more often than not, you’re left with the not-so-simple task of dealing with the consequences of giving the child his every wish, easing him down from the euphoric high and re-establishing that he absolutely cannot expect that kind of indulgence with anyone but his father.

Like one time, Mando stayed awake with him all night long, conceding five more minutes every time the kid whined when he was told it was time for bed. Five minutes quickly turned into hours as they watched the bright mosaic of hyperspace go by, the kid so happy to just sit in Mando’s lap while he spoke in the soothing tones of his people’s tongue. You were only able to pull the child from his father’s arms in the early hours of the morning, all three of you only half conscious at that point, and you spent several cycles trying to get the kid (and yourself) back on a normal sleep schedule.

Or like today, when Mando returned this morning while it was still dark outside, and you woke to the smell of cocoa and peppermint what felt like mere minutes after you’d fallen asleep. When you finally pulled yourself from the bunk, you found Mando sitting next to the child as they sipped on steaming liquid, his helmet tilted back just enough for him to bring the mug to his lips.

He made the kid hot chocolate, you realized from the way the child threw back his bowl so quickly he left milky brown splotches on his face. Of course. Mando had made a habit of bringing sweets back for his son after he’d once gotten his hands on a chocolate bar you’d splurged on in the market, nearly bouncing off the walls with glee as he devoured the entire thing in seconds. That was a memorable day for all of you: the kid found his new favorite snack, Mando found another way to indulge the child, and you found out that when the kid has sugar in his system, you need caf more than water to survive the day.

So it’s no surprise that several hours and a couple more servings of hot chocolate later, long after Mando’s gone to the cockpit to fly to the next planet, you’re chasing the tiny ball of energy around the hull, running on nothing but an unhealthy amount of caf mixed with a little bit of spite, worried you might collapse before the sugar-fueled monster falls asleep.

You have half a mind to be mad at Mando for getting the kid so hyped up on the decadent drink and inevitably making your job that much harder, but you can’t get the image of them together this morning out of your head, Mando dabbing the mess from the child’s face as giggles bubbled from his tiny mouth. The memory’s shaded with the golden haze of dawn, like those dreams that feel warm and familiar, and you can feel your heart swell re-imagining that moment of perfect bliss, father and son so content just to be with each other and the sweetness in their cups.

And oh, you know you could never be upset at Mando for indulging the kid, creating those little pockets of warmth in a life filled mostly by cold, dead space, no matter how much more work it makes for you. Not when you know that he savors those moments as much as the child, that the days he’s back with his son are the only times he doesn’t have to be tough and menacing and deadly, the Crest the only place he doesn’t have to armor up his feelings just as much as his body.

You’re willing to reign in the kid, be the tough one on the ship, if it means Mando can show his son the softness that lies beneath the beskar, tuck away the sharp edges when he holds the little green menace in his lap. You’re willing to lose weeks of sleep course-correcting after each indulgence if it means he can let the honey of his love ooze thick and messy before he’s off to the next quarry and has to lock his affection behind iron walls again. You’re even willing to drink all the caf in the galaxy, let cup after cup burn bitter down your throat, if it means he can have a moment of peace sipping hot chocolate with his son at the break of dawn.

You’re more than willing, happy even, to do all that and more for him, especially if it means you can catch glimpses of the man behind the guise of “Mando” in the process, a man whose heart you’ve found yourself wondering more and more about lately, wondering if it might one day beat strong and steady for you the same way it does for the kid.

So no, you’re not mad at Mando, not in the slightest. It’s more that right now you’re worried you might not be physically able to do those things for him, the shorter than usual night of sleep catching up with you faster than you can fight it off with caf. You’re pretty sure it stopped working after your third cup anyway, the additional caffeine just making you dizzy and no more energized, and you don’t know how much longer you can keep up with the child’s pace. You’ve played peekaboo and thrown around his favorite silver ball and even tried to show him how to rewire an old generator (not that you had any luck with that), and he still hasn’t crashed from his sugar high.

You have no idea what else to do to keep the child busy, and Maker, you’re just so kriffing tired right now, so you’ve resorted to leaning against the door of the weapons closet, floating in that hazy space on the brink of consciousness, using what little of your energy remains to make sure he at least won’t get his hands on a blaster again.

You’re not even completely sure what the kid’s doing right now, just know he’s somewhere on the other side of the hull, and you can only hope that Mando doesn’t come down here and find you and the kid like this. The last thing you want to do is make him worry, doubt how much you care about his son’s well being, but it’s like he can feel your exhaustion radiating through the ship because the next thing you know, the heavy echoes of his boots fill the hull as he descends the ladder from the cockpit.

You will yourself to sit up straighter as you hear his footsteps getting louder, locate the child before Mando can, but your body is working on a little bit of a lag, and by the time you actually open your eyes, Mando’s walking past you, the child snoring softly in his arms.

Of course he fell asleep as soon as you took eyes off of him, the little monster.

Mando doesn’t say anything as he tucks the child into his makeshift bed before striding back to the other side of the hull, and some faraway part of your brain tells you to explain yourself or apologize or say kriffing anything at this point, but the inky gravity of sleep is pulling you in deeper with each passing moment, and you can’t be bothered to speak when your eyes are threatening to droop shut again.

They must have at some point because you don’t remember seeing Mando approach you, but somehow he’s in front of you now, holding a mug out in front of your face. Maker, you must’ve drifted off, long enough for him to decide you needed some help staying awake and make you a cup of caf, and as you reach for it instinctively, bringing the cup to your lips in the trained motion, you can’t decide if it’s just as a thoughtful gesture or a thinly veiled warning for you to actually do your job.

You hum as the warm liquid coats your tongue, deliciously silky and slightly sweet, and it’s only when you swallow, the milky substance gliding down your throat, that you realize-

“This isn’t caf,” you mumble, looking up from the mug to meet Mando’s gaze.

“I never said it was.”

You just stare at him wordlessly, trying to figure out why he made you hot chocolate when it’s not going to make you any more functional. You have no idea how long you sit there thinking, too far gone to even understand the concept of time right now, but it must be a while because he breaks the silence first with a sigh.

“Cyar’ika, you have to stop drinking that crap. It’s not good for you.”

“Need it,” you respond, almost too quickly considering how long it took you to answer him before. Apparently the only thing you can understand in this groggy fog is your caf addiction. “Gonna fall asleep if not.”

“You’re about to anyway. Come on, you need to sleep.”

For some reason you giggle at that, unable to stop the laughter rising through your chest. He’s right, of course, but it just seems so damn funny right now that Mando, who has told you he rarely sleeps when he’s away, who you’ve never seen rest for more than an hour at a time, is telling you that you’re the one that needs sleep.

“You sleep even less than me, Mando. You can’t talk,” you accuse.

He jerks his helmet back in something like disbelief, and you can’t stop yourself from giggling again.

“Well I’m not the one falling asleep on the floor right now,” he counters.

“That’s fair,” you admit. You take a few more sips of the hot chocolate, closing your eyes in pleasure as the warmth floods your veins. Maybe it’s just because you’re so used to the sharp bite of caf, but the sugary drink feels so good, like something comforting and familiar though you can’t quite place your finger on where you recognize it from. It’s almost like you’re wrapped up in the thickest blanket or, even better, by strong arms as you’re lulled to sleep, and you’re not sure that’s what you were thinking of, but you realize that’s exactly what you want right now.

And then your stupid, half-conscious brain decides to ask for it in the worst way possible.

“How about this, I’ll sleep if you sleep with me.”

You only catch how kriffing suggestive it sounds as the words come tumbling out of your mouth, but then all at once, you’re utterly aware of how much you’ve been embarrassing yourself. First getting caught falling asleep on the job and then accidentally making a very blunt pass at your boss, and Maker, you’re just a whole ass mess today aren’t you? Suddenly you feel very awake, your eyes going wide as you stumble over your words trying to backtrack as quickly as possible.

“Oh stars, I didn’t mean sleep with me, that’s definitely not what I, well, not that I wouldn’t…no, I just- I do need sleep but so do you, even if you’re not actually falling asleep right now, so I was just gonna say that we should both-”

But then your rambling is cut off by a chuckle coming from the modulator, his voice light and playful in a way you’ve never heard before.

If you weren’t so kriffing worried about what he was thinking about you right now, you might’ve thought it was the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard.

“I know what you meant, cyar’ika,” he says.

Oh, thank Maker, you think, waves of something like relief washing warm over your body. You’re not quite sure how he can understand what it is you want when you can’t even articulate it yourself, but your brain is still too foggy to care, deciding it doesn’t really matter how he knows you so well, just that he does.

Mando eases the mug from your hands, the worn leather of his gloves brushing lightly over your knuckles. You whine in protest as he steals the liquid comfort from your fingers, but it’s quickly replaced by his hands wrapping around yours to help you off the ground.

“I’ll make you more tomorrow,” he assures you, his voice as velvety as the drink he just took from your grasp. “But now, we need to sleep.”

We, not you.

You barely catch the distinction as he leads you to the bunk while his thumb rubs soothing circles on your lower back, but it just leaves you even more confused in your sleepy daze. You didn’t think he was actually going to entertain your suggestion, even if he did take it in the more innocent way, and when you crawl into the bunk and he doesn’t follow, you think maybe you just misheard him.

But as you close your eyes, your exhaustion starting to pull you away from reality again, you hear the clang of metal on metal behind you, and a gentle tap on your calf halts your descent into the stillness of sleep as Mando climbs into the bunk next to you.

It’s only after he shuts the door, when your body is pressed to his so you both fit in the tiny space, that you realize he’s taken his armor off, the first time he’s ever done so in front of you. You can’t see him at all in the darkness of the bunk, you’re not sure you could even open your eyes again at this point anyway, but even in your delirium you can grasp the weight of how vulnerable he’s making himself right now, letting you run your fingers lazily across the tight muscles of his bicep and rest your head against his broad chest.

And once again, you’re overcome by the feeling of something pleasant and vaguely familiar, your heart swelling the same way it did when you first saw Mando and the child this morning, the same warmth in your veins as the first sip of hot chocolate. You couldn’t quite place it before, but for some reason, as you listen to the way his heart beats strong and steady against you, you think you finally recognize it, the way Mando’s been making you feel all day, the reason he knew exactly what you needed before you could even realize it yourself.

It’s just a hazy flash in the moment before the black hole of sleep finally consumes you, an inkling of a breakthrough you may or not remember tomorrow, but you think this feeling, the acrid taste of caf replaced by smooth chocolate on your tongue, a strong body turned soft as it’s molded to yours, has a four letter name you thought you and Mando only saved for the child.

Maybe that’s why you’re learning to use it for each other too.

#dincember #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x you #din djarin x you #din djarin #*drops this and runs away in shame*#ahaha this took so long to write and for what?#asdfghkl don't roast me too bad lmao #emi writes

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ad1thi · 4 years ago

Text

au masterlist

okay ive been meaning to do this for a while, and ive finally got the time to do it so here’s a list of all of my aus!! this is divided by ship for ease, and i do have a lot of pieces that don’t fit into any specific au - so this post is specifically for aus (this is a rly long post so im hiding it under a read more) (also please nobody comment on how similar the summaries are ive never had to think of how im summarising these aus before this post)

all my writing on tumblr // all my writing on ao3

buckytony

1. your pain (is my burden to bear) AU

Summary: soulmate AU where you can feel your soulmate’s pain, and marks that originate from your soulmate’s injuries can be found on your body

2. target and assassin AU

Summary: The Asset has been tasked with the mission of killing Antonia Stark. Falling in love with her along the way was never part of the plan.

3. park bench AU

Summary: they’re both running from their past. in New York, they find each other.

4. taste of your lips AU

Summary: TVD au. Bucky wasn’t planning to stick around in New York, just drop in long enough to fix whatever his brother had fucked up and then leave. But then he meets Toni Stark, and against all odds - he finds himself staying in the one city he’d sworn never to step foot in for all of his immortal life.

5. the second (love of his life) AU

Summary: greek gods AU, Aphrodite!Bucky x Hephaestus!Bucky . Bucky has spent over a thousand years resenting his marriage to Tony, content to ignore his husband in favour of his lover, Steve. but when he’s captured by Joann Schmidt and its Tony, not Steve who comes to his rescue - Bucky finds himself falling for the husband he spent so many years ignoring. Is it too late, or can he fix a marriage that was doomed from the start?

6. waste my time AU

Summary: Tony doesn’t do boyfriends. Tony has a boyfriend - Tiberius, or he will anyway once he convinces Ty that breaking up with him was a horrible idea. But then he meets James Barnes at a bar, and suddenly things don’t seem so black and white anymore

7. elite AU

Summary: a/b/o dynamics. Bucky isn’t planning on starting anything up in his new school, and would’ve been completely content to keep his head down until he graduates. But after a chance kiss with a bambi-eyed omega at a party in the beginning of the school year, things weren’t looking so simple anymore

8. 1000 lives (for you) AU

Summary: James hasn’t been subjected to the Chair in close to 3 years. After all, why would HYDRA use the Chair to control him when they’ve got his soulmate instead?

9. Secret Love Song AU

Summary: Marrying Steve wasn’t what Toni had in mind when she pictured the rest of her life, but it wasn’t any hardship. Of course, that was before James came into her life. (this au has been race and gender bent since the original post)

10. Dilwale AU

Summary: mafia au. Tony and Bucky used to be in love. Now they’ve sworn never to see each other again. ‘Course, MJ and Peter falling for each other puts a kink in those plans.

11. K3G AU

Summary: desi au. As a member of the illustrious Barnes dynasty, Bucky is expected to undertake certain responsibilities; chief of which is marrying someone from a respectable family. Tony Stark from Chandi Chowk might just put a wrench in those plans.

12. buckytony teen wolf AU

Summary: when Tony and Rhodey went searching for a dead body in the woods, a rogue Alpha werewolf was not what they were expecting to find. Overnight, their entire lives change

13. undercover cop AU

Summary: After the events of Afghanistan, Tony can’t bear to work at Stark Industries anymore. Handing over the reins of the company to Pepper, he quits and starts working at Midtown High. but the US government isn’t about to let one of the country’s biggest assets work at a public highschool without even the smallest bit of protection. Enter Agent Barnes, or as Tony knows him - Midtown High’s new gym teacher

14. the K2 AU

Summary: Bucky just wanted to live his life without the Army ever finding him again. Saving Tony Carbonell at a metro station and getting sucked into the intricate life of the italian mafia was never on the agenda.

15. Mara Dyer AU

Summary: fem! Bucky. Bucky was an extremely normal 16 year old girl - if you discounted the fact that her bestfriend and boyfriend died after an abandoned building collapsed on them; and that she was the only person to survive. Then bodies started dropping around her, people that she imagined dying who died in the exact grotesque way she pictured is. and suddenly, there’s nothing really normal about her at all.

16. ACOMAF AU

Summary: fem! Bucky. Bucky kills a wolf. Except its not a wolf, its a Faerie and the High Lord of the Spring Court comes collecting his pound of flesh.

17. centre of his universe AU

Summary: The Asset is fascinated by the Stark Heir.

18. one shot AU

Summary: highschool AU. nerd! tony x punk!bucky. Bucky has has a crush on Tony Stark for his entire highschool career, but he’s never thought he had a shot - choosing instead to pine uselessly while Tony dates what feels like the entire highschool body. Bucky’s resigned himself to the belief that Tony will never be his, until Tony breaks up with longtime girlfriend Rumiko Fujikawa, and suddenly - Bucky has one shot.

19. 1000 lives (for you) AU

Summary: James Buchanan Barnes and Anthony Edward Stark are impossible soulmates - separated by time, distance and space but brought together by horrible pain and suffering. This is their story. Starts from TWS, and is largely canon compliant.

stevetony

1. student of the year AU

Summary: Steve was supposed to keep his head down, get good grades and get a scholarship to a university far enough away that he wasn’t even breathing the same air as his family. But then he becomes bestfriends with Bucky, falls in love with Bucky’s boyfriend Tony - and things get a bit more complicated along the way

2. just friends(?) AU

Summary: Tony did this, thing where he fell in love with his friends. All of his friends, except maybe Steve. (too bad nobody told Steve)

3. captain americana and the heartbreak prince AU

Summary: Steve Rogers has known Tony Stark for 10 years, 4 months and 11 days. He’s been in love with him for the exact same time.

4. om shanti om AU

Summary: It should be noted, for the sake of posterity - that Steve usually wasn’t one to buy into the craze that surrounded celebrities. At the end of the day, they were still people. Tony Stark though, that was his exception.

5. stevetony lawyer AU

Summary: raising a 14 year old boy while juggling a demanding job at the DA’s office wasn’t easy, but Steve made it work. It wasn’t an easy life, but it was a good life. They were happy - and then Peter gets charged with the murder of his classmate Wade Wilson and everything falls apart. With his son facing life in prison, Steve does the only thing he can and calls the best defence lawyer he knows - his almost fiance Tony Stark.

6. schitt’s creek AU

Summary: David! Tony x Patrick! Steve

7. kidnapped! tony stark AU

Summary: Tony gets kidnapped and Steve loses his mind.

8. zindagi na milengi dobara AU

Summary: desi AU. in college, Steve, Sam and Bucky made a promise. 3 weeks, 3 activities, 3 boys and the country of Spain. 15 years later, Sam is getting married and its time for them to make good on that promise, to give him the send-off of the century. But between Sam’s conflicted feelings over his engagement, unresolved tension that threatens to break up the trio; Bucky’s secret agenda and Steve’s workaholic tendencies - it definitely promises to be a trip they’ll never forget

9. arranged marriage AU

Summary: desi AU. Steve has been in love with Tony for years. So when his mother asks him to settle down, he impulsively sends a rishta to the Stark residence; and thinks nothing of it. And then - they reply.

10. betrothed AU

Summary: Tony and Steve are princes of neighbouring kingdoms, promised to each other at birth. But the life of a royal is not as smooth as it seems.

11. the salacious bisexual life of tony stark AU

Summary: As a journalist, Steve Rogers is expected to write articles on a great many number of things. He didn’t realise that could include his ex boyfriend.

12. Civil War AU

Summary: everything’s the same except: (1) Steve and Tony are dating, (2) Steve doesn’t know Tony is Iron Man

13. stevetony lucifer AU

Summary: Tony is tired of being the Devil, tired of following Howard’s order, tired of all the bullshit that comes with divinity. Malibu isn’t great but its a refreshing change of pace, a nice break from the screaming and the pain. And then he meets Detective Steve Rogers and Malibu suddenly has a lot more to offer.

Note: this AU was started by @imposter-human and all credits for it rightfully go to her. i just piggybacked onto it and added a couple of my own thoughts, but this AU is hers.

rhodeytony

1. Dostana AU

Summary: Rhodey and Tony desperately need a new apartment, and there’s a brilliant one that’s close to where they both work. There’s only catch though, the landlord, Pepper (who is stunning) only accepts applications from couples. After a night drowning their sorrows in the local bar, they come up with the brilliant idea to pose as a gay couple for the apartment. They move in, and come up with increasingly stupid ways to impress their new landlord without exposing that their marriage is a shamNeither bestfriend likes to lose, and both of them have their eyes set on one person: Pepper (or do they?)

2. rajput tony stark AU

Summary: desi AU. Toni Stark comes from a long line of rajput royalty. (this au has been genderbent since the original post)

3. civil war rhodeytony AU

Summary: civil war scenes re-imagined with an established rhodeytony and a past stevetonyrhodey otv.

4. me and my bestfriend but make it rhodeytony

Summary: memories of me and LRP but re-imagined as Tony and Rhodey

5. meri pyaari bindu AU

Summary: To the rest of the world, he’s always be a Mr someone - but to Rhodey, he has and forever will be, his very first love, Tony.

6. doctor who AU

Summary: Doctor! Tony Stark x River Song! fem James Rhodes

7. female tony AU

Summary: Tony doesn’t like Rhodey’s new girlfriend. (he’s still trying to figure out why)

stevebuckytony

1. stephanie rogers AU

Summary: Steph Rogers was never supposed to find herself on the frontlines of World War 2. Then again, she wasn’t supposed to do a lot of things. - the mcu re-imagined with genderbent Steve. eventual stevetonybucky otv

2. on your knees AU

Summary: dom/sub AU. Tony is relearning what it means to be alive in a world where he’s not in the clutches of HYDRA, and misinterprets a scene between dom! Steve and sub! Bucky

samtonybucky

1. president tony stark AU

Summary: Tony Stark is sworn in at the 46th President of the United States. Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes are assigned to his detail.

buckytonynat

1. the Carbonell Family AU

Summary: Anthony Carbonell is the patriarch of the Italian Mafia, Natasha and James are his bodyguards (and lovers). Steve Rogers is the FBI agent who’s vowed to bring him down.

clarktony (superiron)

1. bound by blood AU

Summary: when Clark’s parents die, Howard Stark takes him in. Desperate to recreate the serum by any means necessary he starts experimenting on both his new foster child, and his own flesh and blood son in an attempt to create the next supersoldier. Years later, Clark has broken free of Howard and is now Superman; but he and Tony are connected in ways he couldn’t even begin to understand

gen

1. morgan stark’s villain origin story AU

Summary: Morgan Stark isn’t a normal girl. It might have something to do with the death of her father.

2. blind tony stark AU

Summary: Tony loses his sight when he’s 15 after a kidnapping gone wrong.

3. desi! tony stark AU

Summary: just a link to all pieces that have desi! tony stark in them.

4. slytherin! tony stark AU

Summary: just a link to all pieces that have slytherin! tony stark in them.

5. AU-gust 2020

Summary: a masterlist to all the AUs i did for AU-gust, spanning various ships and fandoms

6. sins of the father AU

Summary: Harley has always known who his birth father is. It just never occurred to him, that his birth father might not know who his son is. im3 compliant. slightly aged up harley keener (he’s in highschool not middle school)

#my writing #au masterlist #this genuinely took ages to compile so please appreciate this #and give my aus some love #making this made me realise how many AUs that i have to update or extrapolate #some of these AUs will probably never be revisited #but who knows maybe if someone shows interest in a dead AU #i might find inspiration to add to it

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bestillmyslashyheart · 5 years ago

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The Red Name pt 4

part one || part two || part three

The bed was cold when Michael woke up. The sun was high in the sky and Alex was long gone. All that was left in the whole cabin were the sheets on the bed and Michael’s phone on Alex’s pillow. The notification light was blinking and Michael already didn’t care about what anyone had to say to him right now.

He unlocked it anyway when he saw the new email icon. He never got emails.

It was from Alex.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

We should’ve talked. That was always our problem, if we’re honest. Too much sex and not enough talking.

I’m glad we didn’t though. You were right, we’d just make each other sad and angry and that’s not how I wanted to spend my last night with you. Because that’s what it was. Regardless of what happens on my deployment, we both know this thing between us is in the past and it’s time I gave up and moved on like you’ve managed to do.

Over the last two years I wrote you a lot of emails. Basically whenever I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t I’d write an email. I’m not sure why I’m doing this now but I just sent all of them to you. You can read them or delete them, it’s up to you, I guess.

I love you. That hasn’t changed and it never will.

Goodbye Michael.

Michael blinked away the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes. For all that he’d shoved Alex away over the last few years and flaunted the fact that he could move on, Alex telling him goodbye broke his heart. Michael wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. It felt like one thing after another just piled on until there was no hope left. He wanted to fix it, even when he’d been with Maria part of him had wanted to fix it, he just didn’t know how. And now it was too late.

Rereading the email, he spotted the part about new emails and quickly exited out of that one. And there they were. Michael scrolled down to find the oldest one but it was impossible to tell. They didn’t seem to be in any particular order so he just clicked one and then another and then another.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you at the Pony today. You looked like shit. Have you been sleeping? Eating? Or are you just existing on alcohol and acetone?

I hope it’s making you feel better because it’s not helping anyone. Not your sister, who really needs you right now by the way, not me, not Maria, and certainly not Max.

I wish you’d let me help you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You drive me crazy sometimes you know that? First, you want nothing to do with me or Project Shepherd. And now it’s all you care about. Well, Project Shepherd at least. You still don’t seem to want anything to do with me.

Am I suddenly that repulsive to you? Because of my father? Fuck him. Seriously, Guerin, fuck. him. Don’t let him do this to us.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You could’ve at least done me the courtesy of telling me you were dating Maria instead of letting me find out by walking in on you two.

Fuck you Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You need to pull yourself together. Your sister is drowning and she needs you and you don’t even notice. Liz and I should not be the ones keeping her afloat. She needs her brother, dammit.

If only I could get you to stay in the same room as me for longer than 2 seconds

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if you’re oblivious or stupid or just plain cruel

I get it, okay. You moved on. You’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy but I really don’t need a front row seat to you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat okay? Would it kill you to cool it on the pda?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Max is back. You weren’t there.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m drunk. I shouldn’t bother with this it’s not like you’re going to read it anyway but I’m drunk and I’m lonely and it’s my birthday

Ten years apart and you never missed my birthday but now that I’m back you can’t be bothered? I want to be mad at you but I’m too sad to be mad

What did I do wrong Michael? Why are you doing this?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You ever throw something anywhere near the vicinity of Maria again and I swear to god I will knock you on your ass

Don’t touch her. Don’t even get close. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s the anniversary of Caulfield and I don’t want you to be alone but you won’t let me near you

I hope you told Maria what day it is or Isobel or someone. I hope you’re not alone.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You look happy

I miss you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I never thought of us as having an anniversary, not really, but if we had one it would be today

I was ready, Michael. I was fucking ready dammit. Why’d you have to pick then to finally be the one to walk away? I mean I know I deserved it after all the times I left you but your timing sucks.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got my new posting. Also got new orders to deploy. I’m leaving Roswell and I don’t think I’m coming back this time

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You came by today. I’m pretty sure it's the first time you’ve been out here since you told me in no uncertain terms that we were done. You wanted more info on Project Shepherd, on the Alighting that Noah mentioned. You could barely look me in the eyes. It was like I was just a colleague and not even one you particularly liked that much and it hurt.

I get that we’re never going to be together but why can’t we be friends? Is it really that impossible? We’re either fucking or not looking each other in the eye? No in between? That’s bullshit

Why do you get to decide everything? When do I get a say in this? What if I want more? Do you even care what I want?

Don’t answer that. It’s pretty fucking obvious you don’t.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I had lunch with Liz and Rosa and Maria today. It was awkward and painful. I’ve never hated you before but I think I hate you for fucking up my friendship with Maria. She was all I had for years and now it’s ruined because of you

Be happy with her. Make it worth it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s not your fault. Me and Maria I mean. We fucked that up all on our own and neither one of us have really tried to fix it. You played a part, yeah, but don’t blame yourself for this too. You put too much on yourself already, you shouldn’t add this to it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You make a beautiful couple

Better than we ever did. Not that we were ever a couple. Not like you and Maria

We wouldn’t have worked right? That’s why you left? Because we would’ve crashed and burned?

Merry Christmas Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

For someone who got angry every time I mentioned the Air Force you really didn’t seem to care that I re-upped. I don’t know what to make of that.

I’m going to protect you Michael, I promise. My father will never get his hands on you or your family ever again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Why can’t I get over you? I’ve tried fucking other guys, dating other guys, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve never been able to get over you. I don’t know why I thought now would be any different.

All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Full disclosure - I’ve had a lot to drink. Liek a lot

Did you know that your people essentially mate for life? Yep. Turn 30 and the true essence of your heart will reveal itself on your skin and name the person you love most. It will stay there forever. Cant be cut off or inked over. Cant change neither. Once its there its there

Your turning 30 in a few months

I wont survive seeing her name on you i wont

I filed papers for a transfer today. Project Shepherd is basically dead and by the time the transfer comes through it will be really dead and i cant stay here anymore im not strong enough. I need to be not here when her name comes

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Its my name. Fucking hell Michael its MY name??

What the fuck have the last two years been if its mY FUCKING NAME?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It hurt before when i thought you’d truly moved on but this? Oh this takes the cake

You love me. More than LITERALLY anything. And you still dont care enough to be with me

This is…

You should’ve left me in Caulfield and just saved yourself

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You left a birthday present in my car. Why?

Thank you

I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Her name is Mara.

She used to sing to the other prisoners when they were scared. She had such a beautiful voice.

You won’t let me tell you about her but I think you should know. This was your mother, you should know who she was.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to find out the right way. I really am.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you on the street today. You were outside the jewelry store.

I wish you both a long happy life together. You both deserve it.

There were more. So many more. Michael had to stop and pace himself or he’d start breaking things.

It took him weeks to get through all of them. Some made him cry, some made him smash every fragile thing in Max’s house (he owed him new windows), but some made him smile.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got a dog. Her name is Buffy. If anything happens to her I will kill everyone involved and then myself

Pics attached since I don’t know when I’ll see you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Wilson’s getting married, can you believe it? I would’ve bet good money he’d die a happy bachelor. It’ll be so good to see the squad again. He invited everyone, even O’Brien.

He’s making me wear a tux, though, no uniforms :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think you’ve cursed me. I used to very happily not give a shit about football fuck you very much

(Eagles made the playoffs fuck yeah)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There’s this new prosthetic prototype the military wants to try out and somehow I landed on the shortlist of candidates to get it

It’s supposed to be so amazing you don’t even know. It’ll be waterproof! I can stand in the shower!

(its the little things sometimes)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve really fucking missed Rosa. I know you miss your brother and I’m sorry but I never really let myself process how much I missed her

I promise to do everything I can to bring Max back. I owe him one

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa doesn’t like the jacket. She’s gotta go

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m going to LA Pride next week. I’d ask you to come with me but you seem a little busy passing out on the floor of the Pony every night

I’m taking Isobel instead

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve got this new project at work that’s actually really interesting. I keep staying late to work on it and so Project Shepherd is falling behind but fuck Michael I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There was a crazy meteor shower last night. You would’ve loved it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

The sunsets out here are unreal. I’ve been in a few deserts and seen a few coasts but nothing, NOTHING, beats this view

Its beautiful

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s cheating on the Wild Pony, I know, but if you go over to Dexter there’s a great little bar that does open mic night on Thursdays.

It’s been a long time since I sang. I’ve missed it. You should come sometimes.

Michael missed out on a lot while he was with Maria. He never wanted to miss those moments again.

In the five weeks it took him to get through all of the emails, no one heard from Alex. He’d warned them he’d be out of touch but it was still jarring. Michael took to driving out to the cabin or bugging Rosa to let him play with Buffy just so he could feel close to Alex.

A week after he finished Alex’s emails he started writing his own.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You’ve been gone six weeks. I miss you. I’m pretty sure I lost the right to say that but I don’t care. I do.

I read all of your emails

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I thought about responding to some of your emails individually but then I thought maybe just one would do it.

I’m sorry. I was a colossal jackass and you didn’t deserve any of it. I never should have blamed you for what your father did. You aren’t him, Alex.

There are only two people in my life that I trust to always be there: Isobel and you. Even when you walked away you always came back and I got used to that, I guess. When everything was spiraling out of control I needed someone to be angry at and I needed it to be someone who wouldn’t leave. Isobel was already going through hell so I picked you. I pushed you away as hard as I could and you stayed. You re-upped to protect me. You stayed in Roswell because you knew I needed you even though I refused to admit it. I put you through hell and you never said a word. Thank you. I should’ve said it a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.

I’m sorry I finally pushed hard enough that you had to leave. Roswell’s your home and these people are your family. When you get back from your deployment you should come home and see them. I can leave if it’ll make it easier for you but you shouldn’t leave them just because I’m an ass.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think Liz is actually dating both Kyle and Max. I’m also pretty sure Max and Kyle are not dating each other. Sometimes though...how sure are you that Kyle is straight?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if it’s too weird or not weird enough watching my sister and my ex girlfriend try to date.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You said you didn’t love me. Why did you say that if you did?

I don’t know that I would have done anything different but I’d like to think I’d have been more considerate about Maria had I known. I thought you were over me. You said you were.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been three years since Caulfield and I’m alone. One of your emails mentioned that you didn’t want me to be alone but I am. I always am. No one understands. No one can possibly understand.

Kyle gave me a bottle of whiskey this morning. I’m trying to drink less but now that I’ve got a doctor’s seal of approval, I might just need to enjoy it.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I left my mom to die for you. I don’t think I would’ve left for anyone else.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I miss you. I think I’ve been missing you for years but you were right there so I didn’t realize it

Be safe. Come home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m a little obsessed with my mark ngl

It’s in my own handwriting but I wish it was yours. So it would actually be a piece of you with me

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s crazy. When you were here all I could think about when I saw you was your dad and your brothers and Caulfield. I know it’s not fair and it’s not right but I can’t control it

But now you’re not here. And I look around the cabin and all I see is you making breakfast or burning the popcorn that one night we tried to watch a movie and ended up making out instead. I can’t sleep at the Airstream without thinking of you. Did I ever tell you that you’re the only person I ever brought home? Every other person I ever hooked up I either went to their place or found somewhere else. But not you. You came home with me.

Liz wanted a group outing to the drive in. But I said no. I can’t go there anymore.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

My eyes are burning. Too much naked sister

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

First I see my sister having sex and now my brother’s asking me for gay sex tips

I can’t

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

When we broke up Maria accused me of being with her because I loved her less, because then she couldn’t hurt me. I thought she was crazy but now I think she had a point. I literally just walked in on her in bed with someone else (I’ve completely blocked out the memory of who it was) and it didn’t hurt. I’m just...happy for her. She smiles more these days than she has in a while

It's nothing like when I saw you on a date that one time and had the sudden urge to beat the guy into a bloody mess with my bare hands. It's a nice change of pace

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been four months since anyone’s heard from you. I hope you’re okay and just not allowed to contact anyone.

Please be okay Alex. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Some idiot decided to put in a record store on Main St. Who even buys records anymore?

It has open mic night almost every night though. You’d love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I seem to have moved into your cabin. Oops

The bed doesn't smell like you anymore :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not here and I don’t even know if you’d want to see me if you were but let me just say this:

You’re an asshole and I love it

You care so much about people, about your family (the real one not the jackasses named Manes), and you give so much of yourself for other people I’m constantly in awe of you

You named your dog after a vampire slayer; what a dork (next one should be Faith)

You are the strongest person I know. I put you through hell and you’re still standing and you somehow still love me. I don’t understand but I can’t complain

I miss watching movies with you even if your constant commentary can be annoying as hell

I can’t eat omelets at restaurants anymore, you’ve ruined me for life

Your voice is breathtaking; you should never stop singing

I love you

Happy Valentine’s Day Alex

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Please just tell me when you’re home so I know you’re safe

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa has a boyfriend. It’s weird. We can’t talk around him. Too many secrets.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I broke the ship. Most of its still in the bunker but I scattered some pieces around town. The Airstream, Isobel’s, Max’s, the Crashdown, the Pony, other places too

The biggest piece is right here at the cabin. I needed it to be with you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Jenna’s back

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Happy Birthday Alex

I’m sorry I missed one. I promise not to miss any ever again.

They probably don't have any good cake where you’re at so I’ll just have to take you out for some when you get home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve co-opted Buffy from Rosa. She’s not getting her back

Over six months after Alex left, Michael received his first new email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: YOUR EYES ONLY

You’re unbelievable. Asshole

827 Willowbrook Cir #231

Marlow Heights, MD 20746

P.S. Don’t forget Buffy

#malex fic #rnm #my fic #this one is 100% malex #ch5 will be 0% malex to offset it #next time i decide to format a fic/chapter like this somebody punch me #i've had to reformat it 3 times and im DONE

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lesbeet · 4 years ago

Text

not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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theseerasures · 5 years ago

Text

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

#let's break out a new tag for this since this isn't really meta #conspicuous media consumption

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crystalelemental · 5 years ago

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Powercreep in Heroes is a big topic lately, and with good reason. Gen 4 BST came early, and the fallout of this has been...less than stellar, including dancers that are actual combat threats instead of just support, flying and cav units being pushed further and further up, and infantry now essentially mirroring early Gen armor units with their disgusting 173BST totals. Honestly, it is a lot, and for people who spent to make early game favorites work, they're probably falling off the meta pretty hard.

Here's the thing, though. It's really not all bad. Armor units dominated the metagame, and a huge part of that was simply the BST they carried. 180 is obscene when the next best thing is around 158, maybe 163 if you're really lucky. It's a massive improvement over every other unit in the game. Now, I do think that a defensive unit should have higher stats than an offensive one. A defensive unit naturally requires more stats to be good to function; you can't exactly wall out without great defenses, but offense has to be able to potentially muscle past so you need the offensive presence to threaten back, and if you're too slow then the damage output is eternally stacked against you. Offensive units really only need attack and speed.

To a degree, I kinda like the current meta better than when I started. Maybe that's because I have units that can compete, but I feel like it's very rare now that I run into a situation where I absolutely cannot break past a defensive wall, and hyper-offensive teams just need debuffs and speed control, which is what I tend to emphasize anyway. Things feel like they've shifted from "Everyone runs armor all the time, and all you do is turtle up and never take damage while DC/Bold or Wary Fighter and Aether do the work for you." It's still a good strategy, but it's breakable now, and other strategies are just as effective. Legendary Alm is all over Arena every time it's Earth season, but as scary as he is and as carefully as you have to play around him, he's beatable with all the dance support that exists. Units like Sothis are terrifying and some of my least favorite to face, but she's super weak to Chill Speed, which is now a sacred seal. And with the significant increases to flying and cavalry units' BST, I expect they're going to start making a serious comeback as well. Which is good! Variety is important in games, and I feel like Arena has gotten more and more interesting as time goes on. Sure, L!Azura dominates every form of play because they forgot one extra movement space for flying and infantry units is obscene, and that giving a potential +7 to all stats was the stupidest thing they could do, but hey, something has to dominate the game. The biggest complaint against powercreep, and the argument with the most legitimacy, is simply that early game units are falling completely out of favor. We all know a solid 60-70% of all Gen 1 5* units should've demoted. Their stats aren't well aligned, they have absolutely terrible skillsets, and some of them are completely irredeemable even with their refines (Luke). This poses a problem. Those units can still be good, but only if you get them fully merged, and even then they're not as effective as newer units who could do the same thing. A +10 Lucina still wouldn't perform as well as a +0 Brave Alm, for instance. And that's a problem. That's a big, stinky problem, and the solution is...half-assed, to say the least.

The attempt was Dragonflowers. When introduced, they were given to all units, but infantry units only could get up to +10 dragonflower uses. Which is okay. It's a flat boost to all stats, which isn't terrible, but isn't the same as keeping pace with the heavily min-maxed meta we know today. Really, all it did was let BST keep pace, without accounting for combat performance, allocation of those stats, and the fact that weapon effects went from a sentence or two to a paragraph to a novella. Flat boosts just don't quite cut it, and weapon refines are helpful, but not to those who got early refines that just aren't good (ie, Takumi). Worse, Dragonflowers were introduced with Gen 3 BST, which made the quantity of dragonflowers units could have sensible. Infantry units got the highest buff, so old infantry units get the most dragonflower uses. But, other movement types also got the BST increase, so they were outdated immediately (Thea has 5 more points than Clair, and yet they receive the same number of dragonflowers), and now with Gen 4 they're even further behind.

Essentially, the problem isn't that powercreep exists, it's that older units are not being given the tools to compete. I think what the game needs is a major update whose sole focus is on early game units being given across the board buffs. 5 extra points, allocated intelligently, to all Gen 1 units could even be sufficient. Some of the early refines getting a boost would help the 5* locked units continue to be worth existing in that pool. And perhaps most importantly, Dragonflowers need to be a lot easier to obtain. If those are going to be your balancing mechanic, you can't demand players excel at Aether Raids for 6 months just to make one (1) unit keep up. Dragonflowers aren't orbs, they're not something we pay real money to obtain, so there is absolutely no reason to treat them as such a rare commodity (same with Grails, frankly). Also, if you really want to go in a good direction with this, let players decide where Dragonflowers go. Sure, you can have 5 uses of dragonflowers, each stat increasing up to 4 points. Players get to customize their unit how they'd like. Instead of a flat +2 across the board for, say, Karla, maybe you allocate her 10 by putting 4 in speed, 4 in defense, and 2 in HP so she can be a better duelist. Maybe you like Desperation builds and go 4 speed, 4 attack, and 2 defense. Maybe you did that weird wall Karla build with Pavise and Shield Pulse, so you allocate 4 defense, 4 Res, and 2 HP. That...honestly feels like a much better use of these resources than a flat boost that doesn't really help combat potential, gives players more control over how to build their units, and offers greater variety because two players using the same unit are unlikely to build the exact same way.

There are plenty of ways to fix the actual issues inherent within the constant powercreep. The problem is, IS likely won't do them. Overhauling early refines means focusing on units they already consider complete, and because the profits are in the new units advancing the whale meta, they're unlikely to care if older units the rest of the playerbase use can compete. Hell, it's almost better if they don't. And overhauling dragonflowers would be a massive cluster at this point, having to create a way for players to essentially "redo" all the allocations u to this point. Not to mention, their bizarre miser status when it comes to every form of basic resource in this game, even ones that have exactly no attachment to their profits. You'd have to completely shift their focus to be more generous, which honestly is going to be like pulling teeth.

But at the end of the day, I don't worry about it too much. Because the only PvP that exists are Arena and Aether Raids, neither of which are particularly scary. Arena's frustrating until you have finished merge projects, but once your core is done, it's really not so bad. Aether Raids sucks until you hit Tier 21, but then it's really not too difficult to maintain in that tier, especially if you have a Mythic that prevents some Lift loss. A single perfect win with the doubler active is enough to cover an entire week in some cases. And in-game content? The recent Abyssals like Julia and Roy haven't been any harder than older Abyssals like Grima and Tiki. Hell, Tiki's was harder in my mind. So yes, powercreep sucks, and its constant advancement as time goes on can definitely feel like your well-trained and cared for Delcatty has to keep going against an Action Replayed Mega Salamence that can hold Choice Band. But the good news is that AI doesn't change, and once you get use to that, yeah it looks scary, but for some reason they hacked Mega Salamence to know Bulk Up and locked themselves into only using that move, so really, it's not that bad.

Except for the +10 L!Azura/+10 L!Alm combos. That's like walking into NU with a Mega Rayquaza.

#fire emblem heroes

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jokessho · 7 years ago

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[Update]: Seven Plus One Chapter 4

Woop! Sorry it took a bit longer to edit, but I had to go back and re-read the previous chapters to make sure I wasn’t contradicting myself. I wasn’t :)

This one’s a bit shorter, but there’s a bit more going on and some “new” characters.

FFN

AO3

“So how was shopping?” Sora asked as she settled for dinner onto the floor between Mimi and Meiko.

The teenage boys, sitting across from her, looked at each other with mirth in their eyes and smirks on their faces. Meiko, recalling the same trip, rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly, though a smile played at her lips.

“It was good.” Hikari answered, sitting by the window with Koushiro. “Yamato got clothes—we got some new ones, too, for winter. And me and Koushiro got school supplies for when Yamato starts teaching us.” She grinned over at Yamato, who smiled back.

“That’s good.” Sora smiled at her and then returned to her meal.

“So you got your key?” Jou asked the blond sitting next to him.

Everyone except Sora and Jou froze, some with food halfway to their mouths. Meiko, Taichi, and Yamato exchanged wide-eyed stares.

“I told you to remind me!” Taichi yelled at Yamato.

“And I told you I would if I remembered to!” Yamato retaliated.

“How did we all manage to forget?” Meiko groaned.

“Well, Taichi’s always irresponsible, so that’s explained.” Hikari chimed in, sticking her tongue out at her brother.

“Not like you were responsible and remembered.” Taichi stuck his tongue out at her, too.

Jou let out a large breath, pushing his glasses up before rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Maybe take a shopping list next time?”

“Nah.” Taichi waved the suggestion off. “It’s more fun without.”

“But a list would make shopping more economical.” Jou rebutted. “Winter will be upon us soon, so we need to start saving elsewhere, so that we can afford heating.”

“Not to mention we won’t be able to grow our own vegetables anymore.” Sora added, thinking of their small vegetable patch in the backyard.

“Oh, that reminds me.” Meiko said, turning to Sora. “One of Mimi and my colleagues was talking about getting rid of her small greenhouse and I told her that we could take it. I spoke to Mimi and she’s up for keeping vegetables going throughout the winter.”

Sora perked up. “Really?” Meiko nodded and Sora and Jou exchanged smiles.

“How are we getting it here, though?” Jou asked between bites.

“She said her husband could bring it here with his trailer. They don’t even want any money for it—they just want to get rid of it.”

“That sounds really good.” Sora said softly.

“So, wait.” Yamato said, looking from Meiko to Sora. “Mimi’s ‘up for keeping vegetables going’? Mimi takes care of the gardening?”

“Yes.” Sora answered simply.

“Oh.” Yamato looked down at his nearly empty plate and bit his lip. “I thought you took care of it, what with your background and all…”

Sora tilted her head, smiling kindly. “Well, it’s not like I don’t know how to, but Mimi loves gardening.” Sora let out a laugh. “Surprisingly, she enjoys getting her hands dirty.”

“She loves all plants.” Meiko added with an affectionate look on her face. “She talks to them and pets them and tells them all that they’re pretty. You should go with her one day; it’s a whole new side of her.”

-o-o-o-

“Ugh, I can’t believe the amount of homework I got for maths!” A purple-haired girl with large round glasses complained, whilst taking a seat in the school cafeteria. “I have afterschool activities, too!”

Yamato smiled, already seated at his small group’s usual table. He was in a different class from his two best friends, but at least they still had lunch together.

“It’s just busy-work, though, isn’t it?” He tried to console. “It won’t take you that long to answer all the questions, Miyako.”

“Unlike me.” Joined in a male voice. “I’m not as clever as her—or you—so it’ll take me forever to get through all the problems.”

The male took a seat next to Yamato, across from Miyako, and dug into his food immediately.

Miyako made a face. “Geeze, Daisuke, calm down, we have plenty of time to eat.”

“No time.” Daisuke informed between quick bites. “I need to get started on this homework if I want to have it done by tomorrow’s class.”

“Why can’t you just do it at home?” Yamato asked, chewing his food thoroughly.

“Can’t.” Daisuke said.

Yamato and Miyako exchanged amused looks.

“Yes,” Miyako emphasised. “We gathered as much, but why? You need to elaborate.”

A smile graced Yamato’s face for a second, upon recalling Taichi always telling him the same.

“What?” Daisuke’s tone held a teasing amusement.

With a slight delay, Yamato realised that Daisuke’s question was aimed at him. “What ‘what’?”

Daisuke’s brown eyes held a mischievous glint. “What’s that smile for? Something you’d like to share, hm?”

Yamato felt his face heat up. “What are you talking about?”

“That smile.” Daisuke repeated. “Looked like you were thinking of something nice—or someone.”

“Ooh.” Miyako chimed in. “Does our little ‘Mato have a crush on someone?” Miyako’s long hair whisked around as she scanned their surroundings. “Did she just walk in or something?”

“No.” Yamato stated firmly. “There is no one and Daisuke’s just making stuff up. Again. He’s just avoiding the real question.” Yamato’s tone changed to a teasing one. “Maybe he has a date tonight, which is why he doesn’t have time to do his homework at home.”

“Ooh!” Miyako, eyes ablaze, turned to Daisuke. “Is that it? Spill the beans!”

“What?!” Daisuke pushed backwards in his chair, as if putting himself further from Miyako physically would deter the girl. “There’s nothing like that going on!” He flicked some of his rice at Miyako when she opened her mouth. “I just have a video game going that I want to beat. I had to stop last night because my mum yelled at me to go to sleep, but I’m so close to finishing! I just need a few more hours and then I’ll be done.”

“A video game? Really?” Yamato slumped back in his chair. “Hasn’t anyone ever taught you to prioritise?”

“Yes and that’s why I tried to eat fast, so I could start on the homework and at least get part of it done before going home. But you guys held me up.”

Miyoko gave him a flat look. “So you have no intention of doing any of the work at home?”

“Nope.” Daisuke said, finishing off his lunch and pushing his tray aside. He pulled out his math book and a battered notebook, opening both. “I’ll try to get some done in literature in the afternoon, too.”

Yamato rolled his eyes, mumbling: “Whatever.”

The table was quiet for a few minutes, Daisuke working on his homework and Miyako and Yamato eating at a moderate pace.

“Say,” Daisuke started, chewing on the end of his pencil and looking at Yamato. “We haven’t really hung out together in a really long time. We should do something after school today or tomorrow or sometime this week. It’s been almost a year since we’ve really hung out together. Let’s go for ice cream or coffee or something after school today.”

“Am I not invited?” Miyako asked from across the table, looking insulted, though both males knew she wasn’t.

“No.” Daisuke said, sticking out his tongue at her. “So how about it, ‘Mato?”

“Ah, I can’t really hang out today. Maybe some other day? And you have a video game to get to, anyway.”

“Hey! You just told me off for not prioritising. Well, now I’m prioritising you over my video game, so you should appreciate that.”

Miyako smirked. “Instead you’re getting rejected.”

Daisuke threw his pencil at the girl. “Shut up.”

Yamato chuckled at his friends’ antics, taking another bite of his food.

“Besides—and give me my pencil back—I wasn’t rejected; I was just moved to a later day. Right, Yamato?”

“Yeah, we’ll see.”

“Ree-jec-teed.” Miyako sing-sang.

“Ugh.” Daisuke complained. “I ran out of things to throw at you. You never returned my pencil.”

“Sucks to be you.”

“Just give it back, Miyako. I need it to finish my work.”

“Is this the only pencil you have?” Miyako twirled the pencil in her hands, inspecting it. “Ew!” She threw it at Daisuke. “You’ve been chewing on it—gross!”

Daisuke smirked, returning to his work.

-o-

“Yamato!”

Yamato groaned lightly. He had easily managed to avoid Daisuke after lunch, as they were in separate classes. But now the energetic teen was running down the hallways, calling Yamato’s name.

Daisuke landed heavily on Yamato’s back, almost knocking both of them to the floor on their faces.

“Watch it.” Yamato complained, shrugging his shoulders a few times to try and dislodge the other male.

“Did you think you could escape from me that easily?” Daisuke asked cheekily, still draped over Yamato’s back.

“I did hope.” Was Yamato’s mumbled reply.

“Oh, why must you hurt me so?” Daisuke lamented loudly, attracting the attention of a few other students still in the hallway. Thankfully, though, he had removed himself from Yamato’s back. “So you coming round to mine today or should we head to yours? Or just hang out somewhere else for the rest of the afternoon?”

Yamato’s eyes fell to the floor as he started towards the main doors again. “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it today… Or for a while. Sorry, Daisuke.”

Daisuke’s frown turned more into a squint as the pair walked out into the sunshine. “We used to hang out all the time, you know—”

“I know, but things are different; so much has changed in the past few months…”

“Look,” Daisuke paused in his steps, making Yamato, next to him, stop as well. “I know you just lost your dad and are feeling down about it, but that’s no reason to stop spending time with your friends. You need to start looking on the bright side of things again.” Daisuke turned his whole body towards Yamato and took both the blonds hands into his. “You need to allow yourself to be happy again.”

The two stared at each other for a minute before Yamato gently pulled his hands away and continued walking. “I’m not unhappy, Daisuke. In fact,” Yamato thought about his current situation. “I’m actually quite happy with how things are now. Yes, it still hurts, but I’m moving on and—”

Taichi.

Mimi. Sora.

Meiko.

Jou.

Koushiro. Hikari.

He was meeting new people and starting to be glad of his decision to take the vocational route. Once upon a time, he had dreamt of going further with his education, maybe even achieving the title of ‘Doctor’ before he turned 30.

But right now, he just wanted to help his new friends. He wanted to give back to the people who had helped him at his lowest point.

Right now, he just wanted to see Hikari and Koushiro through their high school education, so that they could have better lives. Four or five years would be all it would take. Right now, Yamato was more than willing to invest his time into helping the others.

Hell, he could always continue his education a few years down the line, if he still wanted that. In fact, at a few years older, he would know better what he wants to do with his life.

“Yamato!”

Yamato started, snapping out of his thoughts. He turned, annoyed, to face Daisuke. “What?”

“You back?” Daisuke’s eyes held such concern that Yamato’s annoyance deflated.

“Yeah, let’s keep walking.”

Daisuke didn’t move.

“What’s up?”

“Are you planning on walking home? Don’t you live with your mum now and doesn’t she live really far away? I thought you took a bus or something in the mornings.”

Yamato’s eyes widened briefly, before he pulled his face into neutral. “Yeah, but I can take a bus from somewhere around your place. I thought that, since we can’t hang out, I can at least walk you home.”

Daisuke grinned and took a few running steps to catch up. “Yes!” He threw an arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Thanks man.” Daisuke gave a long squeeze. “I really have missed spending time with you.”

“Yeah…” Yamato mumbled. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it; I know you’ve had it rough.” Daisuke assured with another squeeze and an easy smile. Though in the blink of an eye, the arm as well as the mood dropped. “I just wish you’d rely on me a bit more. I want to help, but I can’t unless you tell me things and trust me to be able to help.”

Yamato cringed at the pang he felt in his heart. “I’m sorry, Daisuke. I do trust you, but I just…” Yamato fished around for the right words, eventually going with: “See? I don’t even know what to say now.” He shook his head, eyes on the ground. “I’m just no good with words or sharing my thoughts or feelings.”

Daisuke reached over to grab Yamato’s hand, making the blond look up into reassuring coffee-coloured eyes. “I know.”

-o-

Yamato let out a deep breath as he rang the bell of his new home.

“You’re back later than usual.” Hikari commented upon opening the door and walking backwards a few paces.

“That’s cause he was hanging out with his boyfriend after school.” Taichi announced, walking up behind Hikari, grinning from ear to ear.

Redness rushed up to Yamato’s face as he dropped his head to toe off his shoes. “What on Earth are you talking about? I wasn’t and I don’t even have a boyfriend.”

Taichi kept the grin on his face as he watched Yamato. Hikari rolled her eyes, already growing tired of the conversation and moved back into the living room to do some school work.

“If that wasn’t your boyfriend, then who was it, huh? You two were awfully close and touchy to not be dating.”

Yamato shoved past Taichi and into the living room, a frown on his face. “What were you doing spying on me?”

“I wasn’t.” Was Taichi’s easy reply. “I was walking past the school and thought that we could walk home together, but you already had company—very good company, by the look of things.”

“Would you just stop that?” Yamato snapped, turning sharply, toe to toe with Taichi. “He’s a friend and that’s it.” Then Yamato turned back towards the living room and his voice took on a more gentle tone. “How are you getting on with your work, Hikari? And where’s Koushiro?”

“Alright. This level is something I can do, though some problems need a bit more time. Koushiro finished ages ago, so he’s in our room.”

“Hm.” Yamato kneeled on the floor, facing Hikari, and started looking over Koushiro’s abandoned work. “These are very detailed…”

“He has a very analytical mind.”

“Clearly.” Yamato affirmed Hikari’s statement. “I can only get him so far and then we’ll need outside help… And Taichi stop pestering me!”

Taichi jumped back from where he had been looking at the papers over Yamato’s shoulder.

“What?” Taichi protested. “I was just checking on Koushiro’s work.”

Yamato’s eyes narrowed. “No you weren’t.”

Taichi smirked. “What was I doing then?”

“Well, I don’t know, but I know that checking Koushiro’s work wasn’t it.”

Taichi crossed his arms over his chest, eyes on the kneeling Yamato. “So what you’re saying is that your other friend can be really close to you, bu—”

“Didn’t I tell you to drop it?!” Yamato snapped to his feet, marching into the kitchen. “I’m going to start cooking. Hikari, bring me your work when you’re done and we can go over the parts you struggled with. And Taichi, don’t follow me.”

Taichi, who had just been slinking towards the kitchen, deflated, letting his posture sag. “You’re no fun.” He called out, sticking his tongue out towards the kitchen, even though he knew Yamato couldn’t see him. His eyes flew down to his little sister, who’s face held a contemplative look. “What?”

Hikari just rolled her eyes and returned to her work.

-o-

“Did anything interesting happen to anyone today?” Mimi asked when most of the ‘family’ were seated around the coffee table; only Jou, Sora, and Meiko were at work. Monday was Mimi’s only day off.

“Not really.” Hikari said around a mouthful of food. “Though me and Koushiro are starting our homeschooling properly tomorrow. We did some exercises to establish our level and now Yamato knows where to start.”

“That sounds great!” Mimi said with a broad smile, genuinely glad that the young girl would have the chance to get proper education.

“I saw Yamato’s boyfriend.” Taichi butted in, throwing a grin Yamato’s way.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Yamato bristled, grip tightening around his fork.

“Chill.” Mimi grinned. “It’s not like we’re homophobic or anything.”

“It’s not…” Yamato started, though he wasn’t sure how to explain the situation.

Mimi seemed to have come up with something else already. A grin formed on her face. “Ooh! So you two had something going in the past, but are no longer together, but you might want to be?”

“No, not that either…”

“You’re not gay.” Taichi stated neutrally. “That’s okay, too. It’s not like it matters at all which way you swing. I’m also straight.”

Mimi nodded in affirmation and Taichi grinned, but Yamato had difficulty swallowing around a sudden lump in his throat. He didn’t know why. Maybe because he had never really thought about his sexuality before and he was nervous about labelling himself? Though that didn’t sound right…

“Yamato?”

Yamato started at Mimi’s gently inquiry. “Sorry.” He looked down at his half-empty plat, trying to find the words. “I’m just…” He paused again, shrugging a shoulder, and shoving a forkful of food into his mouth. He took his time chewing, whilst everyone waited in silence, eating their own meal. “I just don’t really like labelling myself—or anyone else for that matter.” He shrugged again. “I just like who I like and that’s it.”

Hikari smiled encouragingly whist her brother nodded.

Mimi grinned mischievously. “So you just like this guy. No labels attached, just attraction.”

Taichi gave a bark of laugh and Yamato’s face reddened.

“It’s not like that. I don’t actually like him. Not romantically.”

“Oh.” Mimi seemed disappointed, though she quickly put a smile on her face. “Anyone you do like, then?”

“Mimi!” Hikari scolded, though she was fighting to keep a smile off her face.

“What?” Mimi shifted her gaze to the younger girl. “It’s been ages since we’ve had fresh love affairs around this place. No woman in their right mind wants Taichi, and most others are taken. You and Koushiro are too young for romance.”

Hikari stuck out her tongue. “No where’s not.”

“Oh?” Mimi had a sly look on her face. “Are you interested in someone? You haven’t mentioned this before.”

“She’s not.” Taichi butted in, sending a quick glare at Hikari.

“Oh?” Hikari shot back. “And what would you do about it if I was interested in someone?”

Taichi straightened his back, pulling on an aura of authority. “There is absolutely nothing I could do about it, as a matter of fact.”

Everyone laughed before settling back to their meals. The silence lasted for a few minutes before Mimi’s eyes found Yamato again.

“You never answered my question.” She smirked at the blond.

Yamato nearly choked on his food, having thought that he’d gotten off the hook. “What question was that?”

“Who do you like?”

“No one.” Yamato’s reply was firm and he was quite sure he wasn’t lying.

-o-o-o-

“Yamato.”

Surprised, Yamato stopped and turned, waiting for Miyako to catch up to him in front of the school.

“What’s up?” Yamato asked, playing it cool, though he was slightly tense, annoyed that he was being—yet again—harassed by one of his friends after school. Daisuke had soccer practice, so he had been easy to get rid of, but it seemed Miyako had taken his position.

“Not much. I was just wondering whether you’re really okay, you know? I know you keep telling us that you are, but you seem kinda different and, like, off. And you know that you can always talk to me and Daisuke and not have to worry about what we think and stuff, yeah?” Miyako tone was soft, which was rare for the normally exuberant girl. Mind you, she was a caring friend, but it rarely showed in the way she spoke.

The defensiveness fell from Yamato’s demeanour and a small smile graced his lips. “I know, Miyako, I know. And thanks.” Yamato’s eyes fell to his shoes as he scuffed his toes against the ground. “I know I’ve been a bit different, but with everything that happened… And I’m still trying to get used to my new life.”

“Yeah…” Miyako said sympathetically.

Blue eyes met light brown and Yamato smiled. “I’m getting better.”

Miyako returned the smile with a broad one, eyes squeezing shut. “That’s good to hear!” Miyako’s manner softened again as she turned, throwing over her shoulder: “Well, if you’re getting better on your own, then I’ll be off.” She managed two semi-running steps before halting. “Isn’t that your brother?”

Yamato’s widened eyes followed Miyako’s pointing finger. A lanky blond stood by the school gates, shifting awkwardly.

“Shit.” Yamato mumbled.

“Huh?” Miyako’s hair flicked across her face as her head snapped to face Yamato. “Um, why? I thought you two got along well.”

“Oh.” Yamato’s eyes widened even more as he realised his mistake. “Uh, it’s just that I kind of forgot that we were supposed to be doing something today.” Yamato put a sheepish look on his face. “I just can’t believe I forgot something like that.”

“I can’t believe it either.” Miyako frowned. Then her face brightened in a smile. “At least that’s what I would have said months ago. These days, though…” Her eyes twinkled in jest.

“Hey.” Yamato gave her a shove, then blanched as he realised that Takeru had spotted the elder blond. “Well…” Yamato hedged, staring at his feet. “I guess we should get going, huh?”

Miyako nodded and bounced off with a wave. Thankfully, she had left in the opposite direction, towards the back gates. Yamato was tempted to follow her. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and started marching, head down, towards the gates.

“Yamato—” Takeru started, hand reaching out to his brother’s shoulder, but never contacting as Yamato jerked away.

Yamato continued walking and Takeru watched him for a few steps before catching up.

“Yamato.”

Takeru didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to say, if the repetition of Yamato’s name was any indication. The younger probably hadn’t planned this meeting or had not expected to actually run into Yamato.

The two continued to walk in silence, in the opposite direction to Yamato’s new home.

“Yamato…”

Yamato turned them down a quiet alley, stopping halfway down and turning to Takeru. He crossed his arms over his chest, fixing the younger with a piercing look. “Whatever it is you want, forget it.”

“Yamato...”

Yamato waited, but it seemed his earlier suspicions had been confirmed: Takeru had not planned this encounter.

Letting his hands drop to his sides and releasing a long breath, Yamato half-turned. “If that was all, then please go home. I’ll see you to the bus stop—”

“No.” Takeru had apparently found his tongue and, thus, his extended vocabulary. “I’m not leaving until you tell me why you did.”

The brothers stared at each other for a few minutes in silence.

Yamato closed his eyes and turned to face Takeru, looking defeated. “I left because I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not welcome. And she doesn’t want me there.”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes it is.”

Takeru opened his mouth again, but Yamato gave him a meaningful look.

“Takeru, you know she hates me. You were there when she realised I wasn’t coming back. I bet she was thrilled.”

Takeru bit his lip.

“She was, wasn’t she? Did she throw a party when she realised she would never have to see me again? When she realised she was finally rid of the biggest mistake of her life?”

“Yamato… Stop.”

Yamato’s eyes narrowed. “She never wanted me, you know. Not when I was born and especially not after dad…” Yamato trailed off, still not ready to speak of his father’s fate.

“I’m sure she loved you when you were born. You were her firstborn…” Takeru didn’t sound too sure.

“Do you know why dad was such a workaholic?”

Takeru shook his head, slightly surprised at the turn of the conversation.

“It’s because he had to take time off work when I was born so that he could look after me.” Yamato’s tone was harsh as he recalled what he’d been told about the first years of his life. “She didn’t want anything to do with me—she kept working. Dad had gone to his boss to ask to work from home, but he was given paid time off instead. I was put into daycare when I turned two so dad could return to work and he felt like he owed his boss for the year he got off and that’s why he worked so hard for the rest of his life. She didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Takeru bit his lip, looking at his feet. He knew his mother had taken care of him, working from home and even taking some unpaid days off, just to care for Takeru. It had never crossed his mind that his elder brother never gotten the same treatment.

“Come on.” Yamato’s tone returned to neutral. “Let’s go before you worry her.”

Takeru hung his head, dragging his feet as he followed his brother. He didn’t know what to say or do; he hadn’t known what to say since seeing Yamato after so long. Now he just didn’t know what to do with the information he had received.

“Here.”

Takeru started at Yamato’s voice. They were at a bus stop. He looked at his brother, who refused to look back.

A minute later, Takeru boarded a bus without saying a word.

Yamato watched the bus leave, standing on the curb well after it was out of sight.

“Who was that?”

The voice startled Yamato so badly he actually jumped a few inches, then turned sharply, eyes narrow.

Yamato worked his face and tone into neutral: “Taichi.”

Taichi cocked his head, inspecting the blond. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you by just appearing... Who was that kid?”

Yamato’s eyes shifted quickly from the road the bus had been on, back to Taichi. He frowned. “No one.” He shoved his hands into his pockets again, much like he had not an hour ago when he had ignored Takeru.

He started walking off, still not moving towards his current home—their home.

Taichi caught up, casually putting his hands into his pockets. “Looked a bit like you. Brother? Cousin?”

“I said: no one.”

“Most people are someone.” Taichi didn’t seem deterred by Yamato’s rudeness and clear avoidance of the subject. “I bet it was your brother wanting you to go back home.”

Yamato made a sharp right turn, not speaking.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Still Yamato didn’t speak, marching ahead.

“Why not just admit that I’m right?”

“…shut up.”

Taichi followed as Yamato made another turn—this time left—into a more crowded street.

“Do you miss home?”

“Just shut up.”

“It’s okay if you do.”

“Shut. Up.”

Taichi quirked an eyebrow at Yamato, but then his face relaxed again as his eyes returned to the street and people ahead.

“I would miss Hikari if we were separated. That’s why I was adamant about us being adopted together or not at all. Ended up being ‘not at all’ what with Koushiro. Would have been nice, though, if even one of us had gotten a loving family. Maybe it was selfish of me to want to stick together, but what’s done is done. None of the three of us can go back.” Taichi paused. “You could.”

Yamato picked up his pace, shoulders moving closer to his ears.

“I know you hate your mother, but your brother seems to at least care about you. I mean, he did come out of his way to find you and you two don’t seem to go to the same school, so it must have taken a lot of effort to meet you. I’d understand if you want to go back with him.”

Yamato stopped moving. A few passersby bumped into him, mumbling something that sounded like apologies.

“What?” Taichi asked. He, too, stopped a few paces in front of Yamato. “Do you want to?” Taichi’s tone held some sadness, but then he worked his mouth into a smile. “I’ll miss you, but you probably miss your brother, so if you want to go back to take care of him, then you should.” Taichi dropped his gaze to the ground, his tone sombre: “You don’t owe us anything, if that’s what’s keeping you from going back…”

“I don’t—” Yamato started saying before he burst into a sprint.

Taichi’s head snapped up and he stood stunned for a few seconds, but then he rushed into the crowd in the same direction Yamato had run off. It shouldn’t be hard to spot a blond in the mass of dark-haired people, right?

Right…?

After half an hour of searching, Taichi had to admit that he had been wrong. He had no idea where Yamato had gone or how he had managed to disappear like that.

#fic #fic update #seven plus one #own fic

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deltaengineering · 7 years ago

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Spring Anime 2018: Lightning round

I didn’t get around to full writeups this season, but here’s the condensed version. It’s a weak season (the weakest in years) with very few surprises anyway.

3D Kanojo Real Girl

What: Otaku loser lucks into girlfriend.

+ Loser is actually a loser, and how

+ Heart seems to be in the right place

- Writing is clunky

- - some of the most amateurish production values this side of Clione no Akari and I don’t think this is made by one guy

Verdict: no

Akkun to Kanojo

What: Short. A guy is rude to his naively cute girlfriend and then stalks her.

- - Creepy, unfunny and dumb

Verdict: naw

Amanchu! Advance

What: Sequel. Ostentatious anime characters enjoy chilling on the beach.

+ Actually chill most of the time

+ looks and sounds good

+ somehow even more gay than before

- - @_@

- - 8D

Verdict: I watched the first season and enjoyed it more than not, so I might as well.

Alice or Alice

What: Short. Siscon 4koma comedy with a lot of fanservice.

- - Creepier, unfunnier and dumber

Verdict: hell naw

Butlers: Chitose Momotose Monogatari

What: Best I can say is that it’s an otome instaharem of shounen fightmen invading Marimite.

+ makes so little sense it’s sometimes funny

- makes so little sense it’s mostly just baffling

- little chance to become legit

Verdict: nope

Caligula

What: What indeed. Virtual idols overwrite reality, a Persona clone ensues.

+ Denpa stuff is actually disorientating and creepy

+ Makes somehow even less sense than Butlers and in a more funny way to boot.

- Still a bunch of nonsense that will probably not pay off in the long run

- - Protagonist spends the first episode being a Sagrada Reset-class blahmancer.

Verdict: 3 ep rule since it’s still a better Persona than the actual Persona and the dude has little time to do stoner philosophy once shit hits the fan

Comic Girls

What: Hidamari Sketch without the charm, a basic comedic Kiraralike where the joke is that the girls embody manga genres.

+ High production values, pleasant to look at

- Typical Kiraralike cast with little personality besides the blindingly obvious

- - Full of jokes that get old before the setup even starts

Verdict: Not worth it

Cutie Honey Universe

What: Ancient proto-mahou shoujo series by Go Nagai gets its fourth or so anime adaptation.

+ Some choice sakuga cuts

+ Generous helpings of Go Nagai sleaze at its finest

- Design is a weird mishmash of current and 70s

- Does not even attempt to explain anything about the show

Verdict: Mainly aimed at existing fans, of which I am not one. If it turns out to be a classic I’ll hear about it

Devils Line

What: Some Tokyo Ghoul-ish thing about the vampyr police.

+ Probably not half a dumbass fighting shounen

+ nothing too offensive

- nothing particularly interesting either

- looks are completely bland

Verdict: I have already forgotten everything about this

Dorei-ku The Animation

What: Magical devices gives people mind control powers. Everyone’s an asshole.

+ Some actually good character writing

- Trying to be Kakegurui and failing, just too tame for its outrageous conceit

Verdict: Has potential but doesn’t appear to take advantage of it

Full Metal Panic! Invisible Victory

What: Sequel to FMP and it’s still FMP.

+ More serious than basic FMP

- FMP is inherently too silly to attempt seriousness

Verdict: Fumoffu is the only acceptable FMP

Fumikiri Jikan

What: Short about couples(?) at a railroad crossing

+ Reminds me of Tsuredure Children

+ Seems a bit more clever than the usual comedy short

Verdict: At 3m/week, why not

Gegege no Kitarou

What: Truly prehistoric spoopy manga for children about kids who fight youkai.

+ Actually a little spooky

+ Nekomusume

+ Unapologetically for children, but with oldschool charm

+ Does a good job of modernizing the subject matter

Verdict: Pretty good, I’m in

Golden Kamuy

What: Taciturn Ainu girl and tough guy hang around in frozen 1900s Hokkaido to nab some gold.

+ at least sounds like it could have potential

- Does a good job of making its unique setting seem not particularly interesting

- not as bad looking as incensed manga fans allege, but certainly not a feast for the eyes

- okay, that CG bear tho

- - I’m not feeling much character chemistry, which is an absolute killer for this specific setup

Verdict: Probably not

Gurazeni

What: Mediocre baseball pro plans his retirement money

+ not actually about baseball much

- - actually about baseball finances, which is even less interesting

Verdict: Weird but not in a good way

Hinamatsuri

What: Dadfeels show about a yakuza middle manager that gets a girl with superpowers dropped on his head.

+ Nitta being a yakuza thug makes for good comedy

+ Seems way less wish-fulfilmenty than most shows of this type

- Yeah speaking of which, could lose itself in Maidragon-style sameyness

Verdict: I’m feeling it for now

Hisone to Masotan

What: Air Force clerk becomes dragon pilot/emergency food supply. Yeah, the Japanese Air Force secretly has a dragon squad masquerading as F-15s.

++ Psychedelically unhinged dragon vore bonanza

++ Looks really great

+ Secretly a mecha show, but without mecha baggage; Kawamori is involved and it shows.

+ Mari Okada writing means strong characters

- Mari Okada writing means high chance of eventually going into the weeds

Verdict: Either way this is going to be a ride

Isekai Izakaya - Koto Aitheria no Izakaya Nobu

What: Another anime about a Japanese restaurant that connects to a fantasy world.

- Less interested in worldbuilding than Shokudou, and yes I actually enjoyed that aspect

- 100% about Japanese barfood instead

- Weak to nonexistant characters

- - styled like Japanese daytime television, hope you enjoy text plastered all over the screen

Verdict: Isekai Shokudou S2 where

Juushinki Pandora

What: Postapocalyptic robot vs. space monsters fights for the Chinese market.

- Just a bunch of anime characters doing anime things

- - truly hideous

Verdict: I’d rather watch MuvLuv and I’m not watching MuvLuv either

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi

What: Bland girl gets transported to youkai world where she gets macked on by the boss and opens a restaurant.

- Barebones otome harem setup, though shockingly not based on a Vita game

- another fucking cooking show

- - Nothing’s romantic like possessive creepy assholes

Verdict: Nope.

Last Period - Owarinaki Rasen no Monogatari

What: Mobile RPG adaptation that advertises the game to you while making jokes how terrible gacha and grind is. Hey, Konosuba was popular right?

+ Certainly ballsy

- not really funny besides that

- - I already know mobile RPGs suck, but thanks for the heads up

Verdict: Fuck off and take your smug with you

Legend of the Galactic Heroes - Die Neue These

What: Spess men playing spess chess in spess.

+ Credible and respectable

+ Makes LoGH ultrafans mad because it’s not ugly enough

- space war seems like a video game, both visually and tonally

- if it adapts the whole thing, it will take forever

Verdict: Promising, but there’s always the old one which is at least complete. No reason to watch this particular version right now.

Lupin III Part V

What: Lupin is in ur cloud, stealin ur bitcoins.

++ Classic Lupin feel

++ Ruthless modernization of the bells and whistles keeps it from feeling overly familiar like Part 4

- Comes across as desperate occasionally

- Action is extra unexciting for some reason

- Looks nowhere near as good as Part 4

Verdict: It’s entertaining, so why not

Mahou Shoujo Ore

What: Comedy about a bad wannabe idol that works as a buff male mahou shoujo for the yakuza.

+ Core idea is amusing

- - spends most of the time on anything but the core idea, such as hilariously pointing out how it is indeed a cartoon

Verdict: I’ve tried and not picked up much better mahou shoujo parodies

Mahou Shoujo Site

What: Girl is bullied all day at school and beaten up all night at home, becomes a magical school shooter

+ Certainly effective at setting a, um, “particular” mood

- - relentlessly mean and nasty

- - simply no fun at all, with little reason to believe that that’s going to pay off

Verdict: Not looking for a bad time right now.

Megalo Box

What: Classic underdog sports story about a boxing jobber looking for the big break, now with more cyborgs.

++ looks amazing

++ cinematic-level direction and storyboarding

+ doesn’t reinvent the wheel as far as story goes, but it’s classic for a reason

- Overreliance on dog metaphors is already getting out of hand

Verdict: Would be stupid not to watch this

Nil Admirari no Tenbin - Teito Genwaku Kitan

What: Actual PS Vita otome harem about a bland girl with the power to see evil books, which impresses a bunch of handsome combat librarians.

- takes itself far too seriously

- not a looker

- I can’t remember a single character

- - pacing is criminally turgid

Verdict: I know better otome harems.

Omae wa Mada Gunma wo Shiranai

What: 4koma short about how Gunma is weird and Gunma people are even weirder.

+ It’s like a bizarre perversion of a tourism anime

- 4koma jokes

Verdict: Mmmmmmmaybe?

Persona 5 the Animation

What: High school kid finds himself in a weird woke fever dream. It’s P5, you know what it be.

+ Kawakami

- P5 is too known and too long to make a good anime

- serious issues don’t work with the residual Persona silliness

- Not very well made

Verdict: I’d rather watch a LP (or Caligula)

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori

What: Chill boys run a chill cafe

+ very chill indeed, totally works as iyashikei

+ characters are all likeable, even brings the moe in an ikemen show

+ Suwabe! With glasses!

- Iyashikei always has potential to drift into boring sludge

Verdict: I’ll take that chance

Saredo Tsumibito wa Ryuu to Odoru

What: JRPG dudes fight monsters and argue about payment

+ Opening narration is so stupid it made me laugh

+ No seriously, “we changed the Planck constant and now there’s fucking dragons everywhere”

+ a few decent buddy cop moments

- - Rest of the show is just as stupid, but the laughter went away

Verdict: Durr hurr

Souten no Ken Re-Genesis

What: CG men with no neck make frowny faces at each other

- story is vague and hard to follow while at the same time just being an excuse for poses and fights

- - looks like an absolute butt

Verdict: stay far away

Steins Gate 0

What: Sequel. Okabe is sad that Chris is dead.

+ Epic twists will be coming... eventually.

+ Punished Okabe is a better character than he ever was before

- - Rest of the cast is still a bunch of hateable wankers, and even Okabe will be going back to his catchphrase eventually

- - nothing happens in the first two episodes besides establishing that Chris is a Tamagotchi now

Verdict: Possibly a hatewatch but seems to be too dull for even that.

Sword Art Online Alternative - Gun Gale Online

What: Catgirl with pink P90 totally puts serious operators in the PWN ZONE.

+ Main character’s IRL identity seems funny

+ evades most of the memetic SAO failings

- adds a lot of failings of its own

- egregious gun- & tacticool wank

- - boring as shit

Verdict: yeah, guess

Tachibanakan To Lie Angle

What: Unimaginative fanservice 4koma short, but this time it’s yuri so that makes it okay.

- - no, it doesn’t

Verdict: *snore*

Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai

What: Regular Anime Dude™ chances upon a weeaboo princess from Europe and her weeaboo bodyguard.

+ Looks real nice, Doga Kobo delivers

+ anime original, so there’s a chance of it ever going anywhere

- Just about the least interesting setup ever

- - comic relief guy friend is tremendously annoying

Verdict: Nozaki-kun was better.

Uchuu Senkan Tiramisu

What: Short. Some sort of mecha parody.

+ Gundamian masterpiece names like “Vulgar Hummer” and “Pubic Hair”

- not actually funny beyond that

- - at all

Verdict: Seems totally pointless, but what do I know about anime comedy

Uma Musume - Pretty Derby

What: School sports show about horse girls that are also idols

+ Premium production by PA Works

+ Lively and colorful

- awful, overwrought gacha game character designs

- characters are as generic as they come

- the setup is just Kancolle again, but without the “escort” pun

- something this wacky shouldn’t be so predictable and boring

Verdict: 3 ep rule, but 3 eps have passed and it didn’t grab me. So no.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii

What: Adult otaku meet at work, fail powerlevel stealth check, fall in love.

+ Well written characters once you look past their gimmick

+ Much more respectable than most shows with this exact idea

+ Doesn’t lean on references

- Will have to put in some hard work to make it last

Verdict: I don’t want to like it, but I do. At least so far.

#anime #impressions #spring2018 #all of them #yes all of them

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chronotopes · 7 years ago

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star trek parent child relationships ranked by objective quality

15. elim garak and enabran tain. as a character whose daddy issues serve as pivotal plot points in not one but two excellent two-parters, garak deserves no less than the bottom spot on this list. garak’s dad refused to acknowledge him as his son for years and forcibly locked him in a closet as a punishment, which is a charmingly unsubtle way to let us all know that tain is a homophobic 1950s politician. this adds an extra dimension to the already horribly sad dynamic between the two.

14. gul dukat and tora ziyal. ziyal actually beats garak for the dubious prize of ‘most plot-essential daddy issues’. maybe this is something they bond over? anyway this is some truly shit tier stuff. the power dynamics are truly horrific, she’s not in a place to register this until a week or so before the narrative unceremoniously kills her off, and his biggest achievement as a parent is choosing not to kill her off to preserve his career.

13. julian, richard, and amsha bashir. eugenics is bad, kids! while they are outwardly nicer than tain, and are not war criminals like dukat, the ever present knowledge that eugenics is, in fact, bad, means that they’re basically tied with tain from my pov. another way in which julian and garak are soulmates.

12. worf and alexander. while worf is a pretty great guy, unlike all the other parents on this list so far, i think it’s best for these two to stay apart. also sons and daughters was only interesting during the ziyal b-plot and young alexander seems incredibly annoying.

11. jim kirk and david marcus. to be frank jim and david isn’t much of anything! jim was absent for the majority of david’s life and when he did return david’s life went to shit pretty fast. this wasn’t through any fault of jim’s own but carol really could have benefited from sending david off on vacation for the entirety of the khan thing. from an audience perspective, the only useful thing david does is act as another kirk mirror who is (beta-canonically) fucking saavik, a spock mirror. which is fine but we went over that in tmp. ultimately they land so low not because they’re incredibly troubled but because the search for spock is a badly written movie.

10. kira nerys and kira meru. these two , like the previous two, were characterized by an overall lack of contact. in fact i’m not sure that traveling back in time to find out if your mom was fucking gul dukat counts as a relationship, but i liked that episode even though its temporal mechanics were shoddy. and even though nerys did attempt to kill her for a bit there, meru does love her and nerys does realize this ultimately. and regardless of the questions re: collaborators and how much meru enjoyed the thing with dukat and the degree to which it matters, she did a lot for nerys. and i’m fucked up over how much this show TORTURED my girl but that’s all known already

9. spock and sarek. these two probably deserve to be lower but i’m a sucker for their reconciliation arc! sarek LOVES HIS SON, man, it’s REAL. the mind meld scene in search for spock is a great scene in an overall pretty bad movie. in fact i’m obsessed with sarek’s antics as a father-in-law. still, though, sarek was a total dick.

8. sarek and michael burnham. i’m still only on ep 3 of discovery but they seem pretty cool. she facetimes him midway through a space battle which is perhaps not an ideal use of pacing but it does reflect the degree to which they trust each other and all.

7. beverly and wesley crusher. wesley is a shit but from the minimal tng i’ve seen bev seems to be doing her best. god bless her she deals with a lot. and it’s a compelling ongoing idea to return to in theory, so i’m keeping it up here.

6. spock and amanda. they love each other! fuck jjverse for killing her off, though. that was low.

5. kira nerys and kira taban. well even though i had to look up her dad’s name on memory alpha, and even though (much like meru) taban gets just one episode, they seem like they loved each other SO MUCH and it’s another episode that i’m fucked up over! nerys missed out on his death because she was out shooting cardassians but he forgives her, over in the celestial temple. occupations fuck with people’s priorities. they loved each other is what i’m saying.

4. molly, kirayoshi, miles, and keiko o’brien. (and kira nerys.) one big happy deep space family! they retain a really good home life, mainly, for a family where the mom is written in or out as it suits the writers’ convenience and the dad is formulaically required to be tortured in every season. good on them!

3. nog and rom. (and later leeta.) the extent to which i was ultimately invested in this One Big Happy Ferengi Family is something i could not have AT ALL predicted over the course of my ds9 adventure. they both advanced their careers out of quark’s shitty bar and became compelling characters, AND they loved each other and made it through trials such as ptsd and quark’s continued shittiness. (dw quark i reluctantly love you too.) good on them as well.

2. joseph and benjamin sisko. joe sisko is in like five episodes but he proves to be just as iconic as his son and grandson. his golden moments include calling ben out for getting too Patriot Act on him, being a badass priest in ben’s prophet vision about racism & rick berman sucking but science fiction being great, and running around a desert in his old age out of sheer stubornness. a kind man who gives good advice. a sisko father son relationship that can only be challenged by…

1. benjamin and jake sisko. dodging cliche sources of manufactured conflict as ben accepts jake’s decision not to join starfleet easily! making us all cry in the visitor! warming our hearts as ben supports jake’s career as a writer wholeheartedly! get this lads: ben is the only starfleet captain to balance a career and a family, prophets bullshit nonwithstanding, and he was in the middle of a WAR. your faves could never! prophets bless them forever.

#the takeaway here is that cardassian filial piety is pretty fucked up #also: i'm so sorry i didn't intend for this t #o be so fucking long lmao #trek talk #just katia things

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not-poignant · 7 years ago

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Hey Pia! I know you've spoken about this generally in the past, but I wasn't sure if you had ever posted anything specific. I am also struggling with trying to balance my desire to write, and throw myself into writing, with the physical and emotional limitations of disability. I really want to become more serious about my writing, but I don't want to hurt myself. What kind of 'hard limits' do you have to set for yourself to balance your productivity and how do you determine them? Thank you!

Hiya anon!

I’m definitely not necessarily the right person to go to on advice on this. Like, as we speak I’m currently wearing a wrist brace because my Guyon’s Canal and Cubital Tunnel Syndromes are playing up again from me...doing too much...outside of the limits of disability.

So in light of that, I’m shoving the rest of this under a read-more, because anyone who has been following me for a while probably knows that I am the last person to be a role model re: ‘how to work when disabled.’

To be honest, it’s really hard to strike up a balance. Like, really hard, especially if you have chronic illnesses of the kind that shift and change on a daily basis. What you can do one day, week, month, or year, you might not ever be able to do again, let alone rely on with any sort of regularity. Will I ever write 75,000 words in a month again? Maybe. Should I? Probably not. Can I expect that what I’m sticking to this year will be reliable down the track? No. That side of things sucks. One day I might not be able to write anymore and that’s just...how that goes.

I don’t write to a daily wordcount. This just seems folly for my chronic illnesses (of which the primary symptoms are whole body pain and intermittent inflammation, crushing fatigue and brain fog. Writing with brain fog is literally impossible). So I have a monthly wordcount. This means on the good-to-average days I can spin out words, and on the bad days, I have no pressure to attain a wordcount.

You won’t know how much you can do until you start trial/error, and reflecting at the end of say each two weeks, how you feel what you’re doing is balancing against how you feel, and your energy levels.

I’ve learned that it’s good to stop while things are going well. As in, don’t stop when you run out of words or have nothing left or are exhausted. I don’t always listen to this, but what I’ve learned is that if you stop before the well is dry, you’re a) less likely to feel like shit re: specifically writing the next day and b) you’ll generally know what you want to write when you sit down at the computer (notepad/ipad/laptop/whatever) again. This is good advice for anyone, but especially good for people who need to pay attention to spoon expenditure. Sometimes it can be good to use pacing - i.e. work out how much you can do without hurting your energy levels at all, reduce the number even more, and then try and stick to that. Googling ‘pacing / fibromyalgia’ is a good way of seeing how to get an idea of what your limits are.

Be prepared though, for this process to involve finding your limits, which of course means...sometimes getting sick because of hitting them. It might be that editing takes more spoons than you thought, or reading things for research (something a lot of writers do, and that I do) is draining, or posting things / polishing things for publication is exhausting more than you could’ve known. For me, marketing makes me hit the wall in about five seconds. There is no ‘safe’ level of marketing, if I have to market something outside of say, this specific Tumblr, I can expect to have about two weeks of not being productive at all. That’s just...the way it goes.

Which is why my ‘official’ writing Tumblr/Facebook/etc. are all dead. The cost is too high.

I hate pacing (seriously, I did a chronic conditions management course and it was my least favourite part. Like I said, I’m kind of not great to go to about this stuff since I frequently push myself too far and get really sick.) But pacing is very useful, and there are a lot of good guides about it now.

I tend to boom/bust with what I do. I do expect burnout? It doesn’t always come when I expect it, and sometimes it pounces when I least expect it and have been really careful with my output. So I think it might also help to have a plan in mind for if/when you do hit burnout. And also know the signs of you hitting a flare / burnout / whatever language fits here. Write them down somewhere, check in on that list sometimes. If your symptoms fit the list before you’re too exhausted to write, take a break until the symptoms lessen.

Also, plan ahead. Like, once you have an idea of your monthly wordcount - say it’s 10,000 words a month (that’s conservative, but not unrealistic with chronic disability), that’s 120,000 words a year. That’s one book. Or two very short books. Or one short book and a few oneshots. Or one book and one novella, etc. That doesn’t include time put aside for editing, or formatting, or anything else.

And that assumes that your wordcount remains consistent. That there’s no unforeseen disasters re: health, or long periods of burnout re: health.

Think about what you really want to be spending your time doing, because you’ll need to stay accountable for stray words etc. if you have goals in mind re: wanting to be a writer.

Also, plan breaks. Like, idk if you already are someone who finds it easy to take breaks, but let’s say you hit your wordcount for the week/month/whenever, take a break afterwards. Don’t use all your energy towards the next project immediately, use some of your energy to take a break and recharge a bit.

Um, be patient with yourself (I’m literally giving you advice I don’t follow, lol), and also, it’s important to remember your overall end goals. Are they to make an income? What kind of income? (Realistically, most full-time writers who are releasing 3-4 books per year only ever make around $8000 a year (it’s gone up!), so it’s not a great career for like...income). Is it to have fun? Is it to prove something to yourself? Are you only wanting to write fanfiction, original fiction, or both? Like, all those things I don’t know from your Ask, but are good things to sit down and brainstorm answers for. Because writing for income may produce a very different plan vs. only writing for fun vs. only writing fanfiction.

And it also really depends on your symptoms too. Everyone’s chronic illnesses / and/or disabilities present in different ways, even if two people have the same illness. I’m writing this advice based partly on my restrictions, but my advice would be pretty useless for someone who might have a lot of energy, but is blind, and really just needs advice on what software/hardware they need to help them write. (Actually my advice might be pretty useless anyway, I am not someone who has this figured out - I am like, learning as I go, and usually the hard way. I would be great for ‘how not to fail at this - a lesson learned by example. Over and over again.’)

Personally, I would just...give yourself some time to feel out your writing limits and like, set an alarm or something every few weeks to assess how you’re feeling as a result of writing / editing X amount. If I were less of a workaholic, I think I would’ve done things a lot more slowly. But my personality is the kind that just likes to dive deep into things and deal with the crushing burnout / increased illness afterwards, and hope it doesn’t permanently alter my energy levels.

And sometimes I’m not lucky enough for that to happen. I’m as sick as I am now, in part, because of two decades of going too hard, and not pulling back fast enough (not just in writing, across all things). I think regular people are better at bouncing back, but I wouldn’t know, I’ve always been sick.

I should follow more of my own advice. ;)

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