#anyways once again i am out here with a lot feelings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fireladyofink · 11 hours ago

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Oh God.. uuhhhh.. been a minute since I tried one of these..

Skipping 1, hate first person, just can't do it, not even read it.

2 is 100% Andlàtkyn. There's some issues here and there but it will always be my pride and joy.

Due to not posting on AO3 (even though I really should be), 3 is mostly ineffective. Except Wattpad has tags. I'd say UTAU, dragons and crossover.

4, lol. Literally. Lately I keep using that (only when texting others) and it's bothering me. I feel like a simpleton because of how much I'm saying that, eugh.

5 I've honestly learned a lot while researching fics. For one, I found out lantana berries are toxic to humans yet taste like blueberries, and I have them growing in my backyard. They're actually my favorite plant! I love their flowers; so pretty, and they have such a uniquely funky smell as well. Part of why I adore them, it stands out so much without being a bad smell. And the leaves have a sort of citrus smell? I love lantanas.

6 I don't know. I've thought about requests due to the money, but I feel like I'd either struggle to start writing it or get carried away with it- or straight up not finish in a reasonable timeframe. Commissions? Like art commissions? Maybe in a few years when I'm more confident in my skills and also somehow have a drawing tablet to properly draw digitally. Something like that.

7 Either or. I love making sickeningly sweet coffee or various different teas.

8 Is honestly hard to decide! Off the top of my head I can think of Dust initially meeting Killer with the hilariously absurd question of "What do you mean you don't have a mouth? How are you speaking right now? Your ass?"

9 Believe it or not it was basically when I first got a phone and commented a short story in the comments of a YouTube video. Someone replied with a suggestion of Wattpad. The rest is history, lol.

10 Off the top of my head I can't think of anything beyond something very specific for the fic I've been thinking about again lately, Ninjagaësia. Only time I've written outside of the UT fandom too, I specifically want to get around to writing that version of Zane more. What I had planned for him is fun as hell. An absolute badass.

11 Lots of comments, votes and people enjoying it. Which, continuing the above mention, Ninjagaësia doesn't qualify for. Pretty unsuccessful, but for once I don't really care.

12 Undertale AU's. I doubt I'll ever leave, either.

13 No. Hell, my ultimate fic of Andlàtkyn was written throughout the later half of highschool. I am technically working on an original story on the sidelines, I call it my worldbuilding project because I'm building up so much lore in this world before I actually touch on the story itself outside of a vague idea. About 60-ish different species of people, including the were-diseases. Last I counted, anyway. I'll be working on it for years, I know it, and I don't mind that either.

14 Comments talking about my fics on said fics. Actual interactions! It brings me joy. 🧡

15 My family is well aware. I don't bring up a lot of details but the last time I went into vague detail with my mother it was over a scene in Andlàtkyn (no direct spoilers) and she interpreted it weirdly and now she teases me by asking if I'm killing babies again! A bit awkward..

16 Actually finishing a damn story. I don't mind the periods of no writing until I get inspired again, but what annoys me is when I can't seem to finish anything. Only ever finished Andlàtkyn. I still have yet to write anything for the sequel to it, either! Zeradelsída is still just a bunch of loose plot points..

17 I am semi successfully writing benevolent eldritch horror. It doesn't intend harm, but it is truly.. horrifying nonetheless. The uncertainty of someone knowing he died, feeling his own heart stop beating, and feeling something OTHER seep inside and force it to start again, pulsing in his veins, fusing with his anatomy, permanently altering both him and itself into something completely unknowable.. I'm rambling. Anyone who hasn't seen my Wattpad, read Awakened. If you don't mind ridiculously long fics, read Andlàtkyn too!

18 I have at least 7 I mostly expect to finish, with at least 4 others just kind of.. there. I don't think I've posted any of those, either. I also have ideas inspired by dreams that I'd love to write down someday, though don't really expect to actually codify.

19 I kind of just don't. I work on different projects as the inspiration hits, take a backseat for a month or so, then come back to either the same project or a different one.

20 Hmmm.. Hard to think of something specific. I'm leaning towards stuff in Andlàtkyn. I don't really have a favorite kiss scene because I don't do romance. I write adventure! Andlàtkyn has some side romance though- not that any of it is my favorite. Platonic stuff, though.. I'd say my favorite is honestly Lust and Alter incidentally befriending each other and becoming venting buddies. It's the cutest thing, their friendship is adorable and wholesome despite the background angst. I didn't write nearly as much of them as deserved.

21 Honestly it's mostly lack of inspiration that I'm pretty sure stems from depression. If I could get an ADHD prescription or depression meds I'd probably be a lot better but like. I am completely broke. So much so that those issues aren't even in the top 10 of pressing problems solved with money.

22 Given I've literally only done it once.. not really. I guess I post it around everywhere I can think of in excitement?

23 That one continuous dream I had that went on over a month centered on a Nightmare that was freshly corrupted. He was honestly so nerdy and adorable despite putting on the brave and mildly "evil" front. The boy. Him. Goddamnit I want to write that at some point.

24 Honestly I can't think of anything for this one.

25 Oh yeah, I can't think of anything off the top of my head but there's a lot I'd like to fix in all of my stories, lol.

26 Kind of? It's a more recent development, did it for Zeradelsída which still has yet to be written, did it for that Ninjagaësia too. A little bit of a broad, even vaguer outline for things I want to happen in Awakened, too? More like events, no particular order or connection.

27 A few of those WIP's that haven't been posted... Okay technically just one. There's also the very first fic I wrote that is subsequently the only one I've ever deleted.

28 Angstiest often coincides with cursed for some reason, so I'll just go with the ending of Andlàtkyn for the Apple Twins.

29 I kind of just.. don't. If I do, I start hating everything, and because I'm not THAT bad at spelling and grammar I think it's mostly fine the way it is.

30 Oh absolutely. It's particularly obvious when one looks at Andlàtkyn, which I wrote over the course of 4 years. Really neat transition, if I ever manage to do it, I'd rewrite the beginning a little to match the rest when crossposting to AO3. If I ever get around to that.

31 Again, Andlàtkyn. That fic is my baby, man. It's so precious to me.

32 Honestly I don't know for this one, which is weird.

33 100% Ink of Awakened. My little boy. I have some friends that would rib the hell out of me if they ever found out, lol. Thankfully the main one doesn't even remember that he has a Tumblr.

34 I was not expecting how hard of a question this is! I thought it was Andlàtkyn, but thinking about it.. I don't think so? It might simply just change depending on which one I'm currently fixated on, but at the moment I think my favorites to get that on is Awakened and Ninjagaësia, second of which already has basically nothing to begin with.

35 I don't have anything, oof.

Fanfic/Author Ask Game

Write a scene from [insert fic] in another character’s POV

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louroth · 6 days ago

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You reach the table, where Y takes up a quarter of the seating space. Although he is tucked into the corner by the lace-clad window, he is not afraid to take up space, arms outstretched across the bench that spans your booth, a dreamy half-smile on his face. You slide in next to S, opposite Y, and covertly ask, “Did you drug him?” S laughs; a dozen bells, ringing. “Gods no. I gave him a stiff drink, and the band is setting up. He has always fancied live musicians.” Sure enough, there is a band tuning their instruments among the mingling crowd of the dance floor. Just in the middle of it, a carpet designates the space for a cello, drums, musicians. A microphone is tapped, reverberating with feedback; no one flinches. The volume is high enough around the bar already, but it settles the more organized the band becomes, barhand waving people off, shushing, handing drinks over with mirth coursing through every twitch and turn of their all-aware movements. Drink-tray carrying girls swirl through the crowd like leaves on a current, trilling, the occasional slosh of liquid gleaming in the warm glow of gas-lit fire. Deals pass between mumbling gentry at the back. Glasses clink. The perfume of oil permeates, near rancid.

There’s a whole world here.

A whole world.

#interactive fiction #ouroboros #THERE IS A WORLD OUTSIDE OF RIVEN?! alright excuse me but i just bit into a theme and the flavor made my pupils blow wide #I am so distraught that I have been so silent and no one knows. The extent of it all. So I'm posting snippets tonight. Don't hold it agains #me because the fobiac self will come reeling once I feel like it's not enough. but im here... now....? can't be suave all the time. ANYWAY.#HIRSWREATH #CITY OF ALL TIME #Am I gonna give you a timeline? No. :>#although could be worth mentioning for people out of the loop: everyone is a he/him in the initial draft. I don't have the energy to change #it. They are dudes. all of them.#THIS IS THE NIGHT. OUGHHHHHHH. I love hirswreath a lot. Also hjorth but hirswreath. and then the sea. AUGH!!!!!!#more snippets???#romance ones??

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kinokoshoujoart · 9 months ago

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the coolest kids in forgotten valley!!☆

(…it seems there may have been a stretch of time where rock and lumina were the only kids in forgotten valley…🥲)

poseref

#in the remake hugh and the player’s kid are the same number of years apart #so i can see them having very similar conversations n friendship #surely these two kids will grow up well adjusted and they will have no lasting effects from this kind of isolation. they will be fine #i have been thinking a lot about what their childhoods were like. i want to protect both of them #everyone who has anything to say about them as kids says that both of them were not well behaved children at all #tei says rock was rambunctious and energetic and hard to handle. sebastian says lumina was less than amenable #rock says he was bored to death when he first came here and lumina asks you not to tell romana that she’s lonely #lumina also hated wearing dresses so. she is very mad and ready to bite people maybe #sos awl #bokumono #my art #rock tumbling (sos)#harvest moon #story of seasons #story of seasons a wonderful life #bokujou monogatari #i like to imagine a au where pony and cecilia come to visit their family’s respective farms #so these two can have more friends ;w;#i am always thinking about how they were both severed from their families and taken in by someone else at a young age to live in nowhere #and they are both not exactly enthused about following the path laid out for them #headcanon ⚠️ i wonder if rock’s moving out on his own happened when he was a teenager. he was extremely confident everything would work out #anyway he got fired from every job ever and after many years came crawling back. and he came crawling back blond #at the time of chapter 1 lumina is baffled by the state of the guy she grew up with. why is he using dated slang and wearing disco costume #she is also kind of mad at him for having been gone for so long #hc rock probably had more freedom as a kid than lumina did which probably annoyed her #once again takakura retrieves a small rock from the goddess pond and he’s covered in poison ivy bee stings etc. no remorse #lumina from her window on the hill feels somehow jealous of these misadventures #lumina mentions in her heart event that she doesn’t often visit the beach because her skin burns easily #meanwhile rock was probably playing outside always. if his kid is any indication #idk i like thinking about the history of this extremely small village

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loderlied · 10 days ago

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sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.

#god i really really don’t want to do this. but i have to but i don’t want to but i have to but i don’t want to. and so on. you get the gist #though i guess i am more not wanting to let go of an idea or fantasy rather than reality #like i always wanted to be an active participant in fun oc art fandom writing etc etc communities #but all i really did was make way too many people uncomfortable with my worthless stuff.#like it and me are just not built for interacting with people lmao. especially when it comes to stuff like my characters or uh.#i don’t know you can’t call it art or writing just uh. creations i guess.#and like i knew that before i made this blog but then people started interacting with me and i thought hey maybe this’ll work out maybe i #can be better and then i so wasn’t. and for that i am very sorry.#(and i mean this is not the main reason why i feel like i have to do this but i can’t just go back like nothing happened on here lmao.#i deleted 90% of my shana posts i had/am having a crashout i gotta at least follow through after being so embarrassing #after being even more insufferable than usual haha. and if i stayed there would be even more people who feel obligated to stay around #i feel. and i so don’t want that. so just one more reason why i gotta be brave and just fucking do it.)#also i do realise that there’s the possibility of not deactivating and just logging off and leaving but every time i took a break like that #i always like felt a bit ‘better’/delusional & thought it’d be ok to return. sure that’ll happen again.which is why i have to be so drastic #like even if i made a new blog i know myself well enough to know that i’ll be too embarrassed to reach out to anyone again.#so it would really be a working solution to this problem. i really should just do it.#romeo’s wretched rambles #also a message to everyone telling me that they like shana and that he’s not a shit character to obsess over & more importantly share #with folks: appreciate the sentiment but there’s a lot of his evil you don’t know about.#i was implying some stuff here and there and some people i’ve told more privately but even they are missing like 25% of the shana.#those being the absolute worst parts of him. i am still absolutely obsessed with him but that’s my error to fix and i can’t subject #people to that anymore in good conscience. seeing people say they like him actively feels like i’m pulling a shana myself and deceiving #people with lies of omission sometimes. remember that lol. obviously ik that there r big differences but sometimes it just feels awful stil #so maybe he’s better contained in a separate private blog that i can torch once i get over this rot and just be done with this fucking char #again i don’t mean to say that i don’t appreciate the support but i’m sure many of your guys’ opinions would change If You Knew. you know.#(god. with the lies of omission thing. every day i learn more abt how i subconsciously write things that make me deeply uncomfortable lol)#(and that i fear. like. that wasn’t even intentional when i gave him that trait. i just realised that while typing this pointless mess lmao #anyways. thanks for readin if you made it this far. send me anon hate or something. hit me with an anvil and spit on my corpse if you will #i hope that at least by the end of this week i will have put my brave pants on and decided on what to do. sorry for being so annoying.

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months ago

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#I once made a joke to my students that even though I never worked out I was always mentally lifting weights #in the gym of my own mind.#and it’s been such a helpful metaphor #not to make an outrageous statement here or to overestimate how smart I am (often not very smart at all!)#but just. my brain gets use. it gets exploration. it has been honed.#if it had an embodied form (other than my body) yeah! it would be lifting weights!#and/or doing gymnastics lol (for a zeitgeist-y metaphor)#(actually I am legit so good at mental gymnastics)#but ANYWAY the point is: the metaphor struck me because it highlighted how little my brain gets a break #and again—it’s not all worthwhile or deep or insightful or GOOD. a lot of it is useless or downright silly mental activity #but it IS activity. it is mental motion. day in day out. and it is so so so so so so so hard for me to give my brain a break #or even know how to do that #and I am absolutely tearing mental muscles and getting whatever it is athletes get when they work out too hard #or too strenuously #to extend the metaphor to the limit #and I need !!!!!!! a rest day #vacations are almost worse tbh. I feel like I hit this point a lot in the summer #because school forces me to think about things but actually much more helpfully it forces me to stop thinking about things #and do something else. it’s thinking on a schedule lol #and so the breaks are just built-in #but on my own I’ll just go go go go go and fall down every rabbit hole and chase my own tail #and it’s so tiring #anyway it hit me the other day that I could actually set limits for myself #like I was thinking about something in the shower (as you do) and it was stressful #and then I was like you have until the end of the shower to think about this and then you have to stop #and it was super helpful. I need to do that more. but yeah.#I don’t know how to give myself a rest day because who knows what will set the brain off #I also Know it wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t all interwoven with anxiety. but anixey is very deeply interwoven with how my brain works #so stressfully going down a million thought paths #ANYWAY !!!!! it is 1;41 am and I can’t sleep!!!!!!!

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timothyslucy · 4 days ago

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sorry i've been so m.i.a today, but i've quite literally had to go into hiding from one of my brothers who's been threatening violence against me and making me genuinely feel fearful of my life, so that's how my monday's been going. 🙃

#*carly catalogs #*personal #tbd #to give some background i owe him money #but i only have $68 in my account last time i checked and am unemployed #and i've been struggling with my mental health a lot the past few months #thus making it hard to do any actual real job hunting #plus i have till april 16th to rack up $400 for a car insurance bill #and rn i'm relying on money from plasma donations to pay it off #but you can only donate twice a week for $100-$130 per week #so from here on out until april 16th i have what....4-5 weeks of donations to somehow make $400?????#which will just barely make it to the amount i need for that bill that's due #assuming i don't get denied to donate for low protein bc that happens a lot i'm notorious for having low protein #anyway i'm safe and cozy in bed now with the door locked.....#gonna try to relax even though i'm super on edge about him coming back bc he's so violent rn it's actually scary #it's not that i've forgotten or anything either ik i owe him money and i feel guilty that i can't pay him back right this second #but i'm his sister and he knows how hard i'm struggling rn so you'd think he'd be a little more understanding #ik i would if the roles were reversed and i was in his shoes #instead of threatening to beat people and i quote “black and blue” and breaking things when he doesn't get his way #*sighs* once again i'm sorry..... i'm sorry if you read through all of this and applaud you if you did 👏👏👏👏👏#you're a trooper and i love you 🥺🫶

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penisbilt · 10 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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discoreptile · 2 months ago

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As of yet unnamed game card art!

#pixelart #pixel art #card game design #card games #scottish mythology #Happy new year gang #I've been on my course for a good while now. I have a new very close friend from it and have made a few others as well #Our little group is in a discord and we're all a good bit nerdy haha #I'm far from the oldest one in the class/group which is always good to see #We got two weeks off for winter break which is great. We come back tomorrow. I'm not ready lmao.#But with the time I got I treated it like a game jam. Me and friend were like “we got two weeks let's make what we can”#And I wasted the first few days. Not by not working but by using AI to try and help with code. Turns out it's terrible at it.#I've been openly anti-AI but our course encourages us to use it for coding so I thought it would be good at games.#Nope. It's dogshit. It worked for a while but I ended up working so much more efficiently just making the code myself #So this new game. It's a card game. you might be thinking “This has nothing to do with the 16 characters you were making what happened??”#It's all connected. ALL of it. Greenhollow. HoaM. Elphame. This new project. The 16 characters. They're all connected.#It's gonna sound like the story will be oversaturated and it is. But I'm not worried about that rn. Just making sure the game is fun.#And I can confirm: The game is fun. It's playable. Graeme and I have been playing it a ton and I feel so happy. I love designing the cards #I don't want to explicitly state what's up but here's a clue: These 20 cards are all playable by the ISTP character #That will either make you understand completely or not help you at all.#Anyway. I'm tying in previous projects so they all get to tell their story. My sister made designs for characters ages ago #and I'm finally getting to show them. One is on one of these cards. But I intend to show all of them and tell all their stories #Of course since there are so many characters a lot of the little side stories will be optional.#I'm getting ahead of myself. But I'm loving doing art and programming for this rn. Tomorrow I return to DA lifestyle...#But at the end of the month I'll be a lot less busy and might get to work on this again. No idea of a release ETA #but in 2 weeks I've done 20 cards. I'm hoping for between 128-256 (I love symmetry). That said it's faster once I'm in the habit of it.#I have a little bit of programming left before this version is final (4 cards left) but yeah. It's looking damn good.#I'm not as manic as the last post but I am very proud of myself #Also 2024 was my favourite year for movies lmao. Inside out 2 wicked and sonic 3 were all amazing All 3 make me sob like a baby #2024 was crazy. I lived so much hahaha. I met a lot of people and travelled so much and got so fit (then lost it all in winter)

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anonyanonymouse · 5 months ago

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🙈

#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL #or just too worried about ants in general #but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms #where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site #idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed #whether they were breaking TOS or not #I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore #but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL #it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here #but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting #and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial #it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area #I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all #when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters #and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags #that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol #like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway #while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason #I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol #I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics #but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful #and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead #sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol

#There's a water problem in the apartment so thats been taking most of my attention lol.. the way maintenance happens here is just #this big long vague wait with no clear communication. You just send in a request to the apartment building and then you might hear from the #any weekday from 8am - 4pm any time after that. Sometimes it's quick but sometimes its like days before you hear anything. So then #you just have to be operating under the assumption that at any time during working hours you might get a call or a knock at the door #Like if you were expecting company at any time for a week straight ghjhj.. ANYWAY.. I've been working on making a little discord #server thing for the game maybe for playtesters to communicate in initially i guess but then also after it's out or... something like that.#no idea how all of that works. but you hear about people doing it. or something... Still not entirely sold on the idea since I'm not really #a big user of discord format speaking (like little chats and stuff) but.. again idk.. seems like.. common.. for things...(< socially odd #hermit fumbling through trying to imitate what '''normal''' people do/enjoy/desire lol..). Since I think my biggest issue is I am very bad #at socializing and thus marketing since a lot of that is social. The type to just google ''what do people do about games once they've #made them'' and just go after whatever the top 10 things apparently are hjbjhbjh... But like I said. still unsure it will be utilized. it #all feels very awkward to me. then again most things do. But that's what the ''overall progress'' screenshot is from. the little channel #where I've been posting updates to myself lol. Also ''coding'' in that being used very lightly consdering it's ren'py and I'm only using #the very bare bones most basic functionality of it lol. Extremely intense highly daunting master level coding such as ''if x then y''. gbjh #slacked on writing a lot due to the evil maintenance and such things... and just general... appointments... events... aughhhhhh #I think it's Goose Time here or something because nearly every day I hear big V shaped rows of geese flying by like multiple #times a day and they're so pretty and neat to watch. They've really inspired me somehow. Today it was rainy and gray skied and high winds #and cold (some of my favorite most beautiful weather) and I went out to check the mail and like 6 or 7 rows of geese fluttered #by in the air. I felt like that meme image of that guy that looks kind of weird (william dafoe??) and its like black and white and #he's looking up at something almost teary eyed wide eyed in awe.. The goose... those are my goose.. the universe sent those gooses just #for me and the high speed winds blowing my coat open and chilling my face... a tender platonic kiss from the world is often delivered #by way of chilly weather and bird formations.. peace and love on planet earth truly..#OH and of course.. boy with boy!!!! shout out to those little mcdonalds toy animal plushies from like 2006 or something. I found the #gray cat one and was like.. hrmm.. I have one of those as well (a real life gray cat). surely they're friends now.

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mazojo · 8 months ago

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I was just trying to read a book, not have the course of my life change in irreparable ways

#🤠🤠🤠🤠 my guys you ever read a book that hits you in the guts then hits you again and then just in case hits you once more #because I do #guys someone please read ziggy stardust & me haha I need to talk to someone haha #I am ngl besties I was trying to hold it together throughout and I thought I was doing great and then ziggy talked with his father in that #last chapter and now I am here bawling my eyes out haha aah noo too close #anyWAYS GUYS READ IT SOMEONE TALK WITH ME ABOUT ZIGGY AND WEB AND THE STARS AND SPACE AND WHATEVER HAHA #What a beautiful authors note too I learned a lot reading this book and I love leaving a reading experience feeling like I gained something #valuable and I think yall should too❤️#just in case tho if anyone does read it I recommend reading the trigger warnings because some very strong topics and situations are covered #ziggy stardust & me #book

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beesorcery · 6 months ago

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palestinians in gaza and egypt that have reached out to me:

Hashem: https://gofund.me/0dfe3470 ($190 / $60,000)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Mohamed Jadalhaq: https://gofund.me/dc7a3a6b ($282 / $29,200) (converted from sek to usd)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Safaa: https://gofund.me/9955bd5a ($12,000 / $75,000)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Mahmoud: https://gofund.me/5008971f ($13,700 / $50,000)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Doaa: https://gofund.me/af916b12 ($16,500 / $29,200) (converted from sek to usd)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Falestine: https://gofund.me/77ca82d7 ($18,000 / $40,000)

listed on the verified campaigns spreadsheet by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi

rebloggable here

Aseel: https://gofund.me/16fe6e48 ($18,390 / $50,000)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Mohammed: https://gofund.me/b8705606 ($21,900 / $38,700) (converted from euros to usd)

vetted by 90-ghost

rebloggable here

Ayaa: https://gofund.me/87a0fa9f ($4,000 / $20,000)

not directly vetted but credible by association

rebloggable here (link missing, will add asap)

Kenzi: https://gofund.me/917ecb89 ($5,000 / $55,200) (converted from euros to usd)

not directly vetted but credible by association

rebloggable here

Mohammed Abu Zour: https://gofund.me/b06d2ec5 ($1,200 / $33,100) (converted from euros to usd)

not vetted but credible

rebloggable here

Majed: https://gofund.me/abbc2759 ($2,100 / $70,000)

not vetted but credible

rebloggable here

Osama: https://gofund.me/342e52bc ($2,600 / $65,600) (converted from gbp to usd)

not vetted but credible

rebloggable here

Mohammed Alwadiya: https://gofund.me/ee5081fa ($3,800 / $35,000)

not vetted but credible

rebloggable here

Hamdi: https://gofund.me/1981e402 ($123 / $27,600) (converted from euros to usd)

not vetted, some evidence of credibility

rebloggable here

i will update this as needed and keep it pinned on my blog! please share the individual fundraisers rather than just this post, it's more important that they each get the visibility they need than to be summarized

#pinned post #i had a recent huge increase in asks and i was a bit overwhelmed but everything i've received since ~august 15 is on here #if i get any more messages i'll add them here donate (if i can) and queue the gfm post (i have them all queued)#just so they each have room to breathe on the dash and don't become spam #anyway. i don't know what to do but this feels right at the moment. i will try to update the info as frequently as possible #rn that's probably gonna be once a week for me i am deeply burnt out #i'm also not going to post each ask because there were a lot but if you sent me a message and don't see yourself on this post feel free to #message again

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