#anyways once again i am out here with a lot feelings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kinokoshoujoart · 5 months ago

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the coolest kids in forgotten valley!!☆

(…it seems there may have been a stretch of time where rock and lumina were the only kids in forgotten valley…🥲)

poseref

#in the remake hugh and the player’s kid are the same number of years apart #so i can see them having very similar conversations n friendship #surely these two kids will grow up well adjusted and they will have no lasting effects from this kind of isolation. they will be fine #i have been thinking a lot about what their childhoods were like. i want to protect both of them #everyone who has anything to say about them as kids says that both of them were not well behaved children at all #tei says rock was rambunctious and energetic and hard to handle. sebastian says lumina was less than amenable #rock says he was bored to death when he first came here and lumina asks you not to tell romana that she’s lonely #lumina also hated wearing dresses so. she is very mad and ready to bite people maybe #sos awl #bokumono #my art #rock tumbling (sos)#harvest moon #story of seasons #story of seasons a wonderful life #bokujou monogatari #i like to imagine a au where pony and cecilia come to visit their family’s respective farms #so these two can have more friends ;w;#i am always thinking about how they were both severed from their families and taken in by someone else at a young age to live in nowhere #and they are both not exactly enthused about following the path laid out for them #headcanon ⚠️ i wonder if rock’s moving out on his own happened when he was a teenager. he was extremely confident everything would work out #anyway he got fired from every job ever and after many years came crawling back. and he came crawling back blond #at the time of chapter 1 lumina is baffled by the state of the guy she grew up with. why is he using dated slang and wearing disco costume #she is also kind of mad at him for having been gone for so long #hc rock probably had more freedom as a kid than lumina did which probably annoyed her #once again takakura retrieves a small rock from the goddess pond and he’s covered in poison ivy bee stings etc. no remorse #lumina from her window on the hill feels somehow jealous of these misadventures #lumina mentions in her heart event that she doesn’t often visit the beach because her skin burns easily #meanwhile rock was probably playing outside always. if his kid is any indication #idk i like thinking about the history of this extremely small village

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 month ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago

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#I once made a joke to my students that even though I never worked out I was always mentally lifting weights #in the gym of my own mind.#and it’s been such a helpful metaphor #not to make an outrageous statement here or to overestimate how smart I am (often not very smart at all!)#but just. my brain gets use. it gets exploration. it has been honed.#if it had an embodied form (other than my body) yeah! it would be lifting weights!#and/or doing gymnastics lol (for a zeitgeist-y metaphor)#(actually I am legit so good at mental gymnastics)#but ANYWAY the point is: the metaphor struck me because it highlighted how little my brain gets a break #and again—it’s not all worthwhile or deep or insightful or GOOD. a lot of it is useless or downright silly mental activity #but it IS activity. it is mental motion. day in day out. and it is so so so so so so so hard for me to give my brain a break #or even know how to do that #and I am absolutely tearing mental muscles and getting whatever it is athletes get when they work out too hard #or too strenuously #to extend the metaphor to the limit #and I need !!!!!!! a rest day #vacations are almost worse tbh. I feel like I hit this point a lot in the summer #because school forces me to think about things but actually much more helpfully it forces me to stop thinking about things #and do something else. it’s thinking on a schedule lol #and so the breaks are just built-in #but on my own I’ll just go go go go go and fall down every rabbit hole and chase my own tail #and it’s so tiring #anyway it hit me the other day that I could actually set limits for myself #like I was thinking about something in the shower (as you do) and it was stressful #and then I was like you have until the end of the shower to think about this and then you have to stop #and it was super helpful. I need to do that more. but yeah.#I don’t know how to give myself a rest day because who knows what will set the brain off #I also Know it wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t all interwoven with anxiety. but anixey is very deeply interwoven with how my brain works #so stressfully going down a million thought paths #ANYWAY !!!!! it is 1;41 am and I can’t sleep!!!!!!!

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suffercerebral · 6 months ago

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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar #no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new #but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term #so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now #so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but #it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out #that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance #so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial #but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal #although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive #i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary #ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness #which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days #and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself #im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles #but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy #and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me #i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this #i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself #im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body #im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up #and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please #and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching #between numbness and overwhelming agony #what the fuck am i talking about

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penisbilt · 6 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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arts-i-enjoy · 8 months ago

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AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 18 days ago

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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.

#just me rambling again #web weaving #(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that #group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife #who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of #us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and #they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have #seemingly dropped off the face of the earth #anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back #towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an #intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my #ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so #i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house #not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried #a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path #and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify #after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself #soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree #(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel #our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art #could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing #something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind #something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars #sigh #i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref

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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month ago

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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead

#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there #There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol #I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami #If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out #And everything it implies #Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it #with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime #being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before #I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling #of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time #They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people #You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them #I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher #They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed #Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l #Now they're sick and have lost their hair #Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead #I don't know. That kind of stuff #Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body #Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead #He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude #He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them #We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long #He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back #He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead #I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry

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anonyanonymouse · 2 months ago

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🙈

#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL #or just too worried about ants in general #but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms #where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site #idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed #whether they were breaking TOS or not #I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore #but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL #it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here #but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting #and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial #it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area #I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all #when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters #and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags #that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol #like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway #while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason #I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol #I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics #but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful #and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead #sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭

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mazojo · 5 months ago

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I was just trying to read a book, not have the course of my life change in irreparable ways

#🤠🤠🤠🤠 my guys you ever read a book that hits you in the guts then hits you again and then just in case hits you once more #because I do #guys someone please read ziggy stardust & me haha I need to talk to someone haha #I am ngl besties I was trying to hold it together throughout and I thought I was doing great and then ziggy talked with his father in that #last chapter and now I am here bawling my eyes out haha aah noo too close #anyWAYS GUYS READ IT SOMEONE TALK WITH ME ABOUT ZIGGY AND WEB AND THE STARS AND SPACE AND WHATEVER HAHA #What a beautiful authors note too I learned a lot reading this book and I love leaving a reading experience feeling like I gained something #valuable and I think yall should too❤️#just in case tho if anyone does read it I recommend reading the trigger warnings because some very strong topics and situations are covered #ziggy stardust & me #book

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mars-ipan · 3 months ago

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this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately

#marzi speaks #I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE #obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn #and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way #and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit #and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender #and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood #training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too #she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space #once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl #when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him #my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me #or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch #and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me #and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option #and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too #but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own #and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous #and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil #the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn #she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again #anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair #you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want #and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you #and i am going to kill someone over it #remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit

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iiboronii · 5 months ago

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i think that i might've posted about it before but i <3 all the little -ler blogs on here. i'm being so fr. nothing clears my skin more than seeing a -ler blog answering questions. i love you guys please keep making silly little -lers.

#actually can someone make a silly-ler #i guess that's just canon onceler...#anyways. i can't remember who said this but they were like “y'know someone should make a chocolatier-ler” AND.#hoo boy let me tell you #i've been listening to you've never had chocolate like this from Wonka (2023) a lot recently #(it started out as a joke and is no longer a joke)#and. every day i beg for chocolatier-ler to become real #i thought about doing it myself #op said to take the idea and RUN #but the issue is. i cannot draw #and i do not cosplay #so. how would i run a -ler blog.#so anyways if whoever came up with the chocolatier-ler idea is reading this THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME #uhmm anyways this post was inspired by bigger-ler #i love all -lers equally but some are more equal than others or whatever that line from animal farm is #uhmmm i have my own -ler ideas bouncing around but once again. i do not know. how i would go about creating that #i remember the sock puppet -ler and i think that was crazy creative #shoutout to sock-ler i miss you #ALSO I'M SCARED OF INTERACTING WITH OTHER -LERS YOU ALL SCARE ME...#like. i have no business being a -ler owner #i am genuinely so afraid of collaborative activities because what if i do it WRONG #like what if i roleplay WRONG y'know????#anyways. this post is dedicated to all the -ler blogs out there and their mods #please i litchrally love the -lers so much idk what else to call them #i feel like there's a term that my elders would know #bc i see reoccuring tags like “lerkimpails” AND I'M LIKE WHAT IS A LERKIMPAIL... WHAT DOES THAT REFER TO I'M SORRY I JUST GOT HERE #i need someone to gently hold my hand and explain some lore to me i feel like #idk what this turned into #ANYWAYS #-ler mods keep doing your thing i'm your biggest supporter

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darkkitty1208 · 1 year ago

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#not dead #sorry ive been AWOL (again)#i swear it's not you it's me #and im sorry i let piles and piles of messages stack up here in the DMs and not answer them #i would say im not purposefully ignoring you all but it sounds like a lie. im just. an absolute bloody arse sometimes #i have not been up for social things lately and have been feeling otherwise drained #things are currently a bit messy irl but i swear there is nothing to worry about as i am slowly getting things sorted #im just. really really bad at sorting things out. and this is messing me up a bit #still boggles me how so many things could happen within the span of like... 3 days #but anyway. i know i demand a lot of patience from all of you but im gonna really need you guys to be patient a little longer 😅#again. so sorry. i promise to answer messages and catch up with you lovelies soon once everything is cleared up #(or at least once my head is)#still love you darlings <3 #to clarify again. the problem is me. not you

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autistic-shaiapouf · 8 months ago

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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

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zoekrystall · 9 months ago

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Zero idea if it'll help or fade into the background but I downloaded stuff to track things and smacked widgets onto my homescreen to not forget. Initially searched for pain ones (where I downloaded two just for good measure ig) but saw that one is customizable for like anything you want and no purchase stuff for me bc included in that one pass and said sure fuck it. I think at the min I need to track pain bc by my memory do I go mental thinking if it just feels frequent n all or if it actually is and mind goes blank when at the doc (will just be fun translating to ger OTL I learn sm to describe stuff in eng but then it lacks in first language). Alas for whatever reason lil me never thought abt actually writing these things down (prob bc every adult anyways dismissed them to the point of not being sure if the pain was actually there so what was the point. but now. now I'm the adult in my life who calls the shots for their own life even if anxiety makes it hard).

#a wild lux appears #randomly downloaded stuff when my headache almost made me want to cry again thank fuck for that binaural vid #Btw I will not tackle both languages full on at once they're just both there to not forget either #The group goal will prob be the hardest but at least I now realize I instead of beating myself up I just become avoidant #Which isn't good either but at least knowing what I do helps tackling it ykno #Btw the apps I got are dailyio. manage my pain. and. chronic insights (which is specifically for pain my recommendation since it's made by #one w it and completely free of ads n all. got a lot you can add n visually really nice. just fancy stuff behind paywall)#Zero idea if my stuff is chronic maybe I am since years in my denialism era either way pain is pain and I learned more online from disabled #ppl than from doctors which is just oh so great. but after learning not suprising yikes.#Also reg every adult I remember school trips being nightmares bc I ran out of energy and breath fast and the stops were not even close to #what I needed to recover.#Safe to say I became a v seething child who w reasons hated forced outdoors stuff #Got lots of fun stories which totally don't make me want to combust #This one is like. The tamest I think. Got literally locked out of my room to be foces to go outside #But all that is more stories abt one specific horrendous place I wish(ed) to burn to the ground than physical pain focused talk.#So gon cut it here #Need to shower anyways I just woke up I need v quickly food after it so cya #(just woke up I say. As if I'm not since like three hours awake but just since shortly out of my bed. anyways-)#Also last thing even if a child fakes pain to get out of stuff maybe talk w them as to why they feel the need to do that #Believe kids they know their body etc etc or I will hit you cartoon style w a piano over your head #Fuck wrote one app wrong I meant *daylio

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago

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mentally ill people who for whatever reason end up wearing the same exact clothing so many days in a row that it begins to disintegrate and will still not stop wearing it until it’s literally just scraps of fabric VS. those weird shitty rich people who ‘’can’t be seen in the same outfit twice’’ human dichotomy

#poast brought to you by my pants that are missing an entire leg and completely open in the back and the front almost #to the point they could not really be considered pants anymore (I wear lots of layers so i have shorts under them but lol)#I tore them again sitting down and it made me introspect about when it's time to throw clothes out and how everyone has different standards #and etc. Like how some people will get stains on clothing and just throw it away #.where others will keep wearing stained stuff if they have an attachment to it. etc. etc.#or like One hole in jeans is okay but 20 holes is Crossing A Line - unless they were made that way as a fashion trend #which then made me think about those people who like.. change clothes multiple times a day and never want to rewear stuff #and just have a constant stream of fast fashion etc. Anyway. not a real dichotomy. just being silly. i like to think about humans behaviors #brggghghb.. still not being very productive as I just keep having flare up after flare up of various chronic issues I have so I'm feeling #sick like every few days but always for different reasons. As if something has increased the general inflammation in my entire body #and its just bopping around making different things worse here and there. but I'm not sure of any underlying cause.#theorectially could always be stress since I am often stressed but I don't feel stressed more than usual. I have no infection markers #on blood tests and my covid tests so far have been negative. I guess my body just felt like 'hey happy new year. would you like.. uhm...#some... Problems.. as a treat? OuO''#I mean I'm lucky at this point that I don't have a condition that makes me completely bedridden or something and am grateful for that but #having so many smaller issues in the background overlapping all the time can be ehxausting and make it feel like a larger issue #because you just never get a break. once one problem clears up it's another. etc. modifying diet. supplements. doctors. new issue. new modif #ications. new doctors. new this #new that. etc. For my body to reach some sort of non-inflammed stable state I feel like I'm going to have to just be suspended in a gladd #*glass antigravity chamber for 3 years eating nothing but basic gruel and iv liquids. something so bland and so untriggering of anything #that literally nothing can be inflammed or etc. lol.. Though I'd probably still somehow have joint pain even with nogravity.#ANYWAY... I did finally edit a new sims video. for the few of you that follow my sims youtube. I have costumes totally ready to post I just #literally havent had the energy to queue up the photos. STILL WORKING ON EVIL WORLDBULDING SLIDESHOW task of epic proportions #. other videos. other stuff. I've had to spend some time on social stuff since I really ned to get started finding friends in the potential #places I'd like to move so I know people when I get there. as it takes me like years to trust someone. but hjgh... I am so like. inherently #unrelatable to the average person. at least the avg people on friend making sites and stuff. I even made a perosnal compatibility quiz #but again.. thats something most people don't do lol... ''buhh just text snapchat me & get to know me through conversation why should i take #a 15 minute quiz up front?'' shut up. i woudl LOVE to take a custom compatibility quiz before talking to someone. its efficent. you will nev #er get it. that is a positive to me. if only anyone else did that. if only. (I'm being jokingly rude. its perfectly reaosnable for people to #have different standards and communication styles. etc. etc. lol) ANYWAY.. tldr me sleepy and feel bad no productive wehh

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