#(or at least once my head is)
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AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be
#actually adhd#actually autistic#audhd#aphelion.txt#ik 'adhd brain' vs 'autism brain' is a gross oversimplification especially given how much overlap there can be#but it at least helps me conceptualize wtf is going on in my head when i do this lol#and yeah i'm mostly referring to fandoms in this post but it can happen w more 'Traditional' special interests too#like my linguistics special interest which hasn't popped up in a couple years now but whenever it does#i will fill literal notebooks while studying 4 languages at once and simultaneously inventing a conlang#and then i'll be like Ok that was fun! and several months later im deleting like. 2gb of textbooks off my iphone to make room for an update#And sometimes yeah there is a precipitating event like 'Oh something new happened in X fandom with my blorbo!' but sometimes it's like#yeah. no. idk either. switch got flipped in my brain and X no longer sparks joy. only Y rn. how come it's Y? yeah idk i also wish i knew#i don't think any of this is actually an uncommon experience for people with these types of neurodivergencies it's just.#the severity of abruptness and TOTALITY of the switch that makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes lol#like I'M getting mental whiplash from this sometimes. idk how y'all are still following my blog
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the original got deleted but i finally managed to find a screenshot of the tweet that’s been living in my mind since july of last year
#i literally screamed when i found this again#i quote go be a chef with debilitating mental illness at least once a day in my head i was devastated when op took this tweet down#the bear#carmy berzatto#my txt
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(content warning: blood)
Sewed Up Heart
[ID: A Trigun comic done in grayscale with red accents. First, an anatomical heart gushes blood, forming a puddle which shifts into Vash's coat. Vash's gloved hands can be seen sewing up a tear at the hem.
Vash raises his hands, which are now bare and covered in blood. He looks sweaty and distressed, and he raises his coat to his face and cries into it. His clenched hands rip the sewed portion apart, and the red thread leads to a heart whose own stitches are tearing apart. The background gets darker and darker, and the red looks brighter and starker against it.
Then the background returns to white, and brown-skinned hands using embroidery scissors snip a red thread. Wolfwood holds up Vash's repaired coat, grinning proudly, and does a happy thumbs-up in Vash's direction. Vash lifts his head, seeming distant.
Wolfwood holds out the coat. As Vash puts out his hand to take it, the cloth is replaced so Wolfwood is dropping a sewed-up heart in Vash's hand. Vash rubs the coat against his face with a teary smile. End ID] ID CREDITS
#trigun#trimax#cw blood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#vashwood#my art#his coat as an external representation of his emotional wounds🤌#a coat riddled with bullet holes tells so many stories#also wolfwood hc of him being good at sewing bc he probably had to patch up many clothes when he was at the orphanage#and now his hands are bloodied but he still has this one thing -this one skill- that helps him make things a little better for once#and it doesnt fix everything but at least he's giving back a bit of the kindness he's being shown#ww actions over words love language *explodes*#i cant stop rotating these thoughts in my head i need to make a comic focused on his pov#image described#thank you for the id!!#raepliica_art
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for @cherryys who (rightfully!) hcs lategame megumi as having a bunch of scars befitting his status as resident punching bag
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#guess who hasnt slept its meeeeee#finding refs fr this took forEVER#mostly bc all the pinterest boys are too gd beefy to use as megu ref#but even once i found good refs i am so used 2 drawing beef!!! so used 2 shirtless torsos tht look like yuuji's!!!!#had to keep Undefining my lines n slimming him down#n then he didnt look toned enough!!!!!!!!#constant too hot/too cold . endless suffering .#bangs head on desk all i know to draw is BEEF and this boy is 100% sinew........#but we got there . th render helped a LOT#but then right back 2 suffering bc i asked sam fr Scar Recs n they had th idea 2 give him a lightning scar from when he was taming nue#and i was like omg ya!!!! (voice of some1 who did Not know what lightning scars look like)#so to say i looked them up and uh . new least favourite thing 2 draw just dropped :)#th more accurate i tried to be the more it looked like a weird artsy tattoo#n that scar wasnt even part of what cherryys mentioned they envisioned !!! optional hurdle !!!!!!! i torture myself but fr naught!!!!#th scars tht they mentioned are the glass eye/eye scar from th sukuna/gojo fight + burns up the jaw + abdomen stab wound a la toji#everything else is just visual flavour#sighs at least i got some good shameless torso practice out of this#once i got 2 painting i took my sweet time with him and i am happy now . sleep deprived but happy <3#one of my megumi mutuals(tm) says jump i say how high
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When your ruthless henchmen have pack bonded and continually lie in a pile like kittens
#UTDR#UTMV#Bad Sanses#My Art#Finally got my art motivation back! Just in time to have one more day off and then back to work all week!! orz#But here's a lil silly doodle to celebrate anyways#I had Nightmare's dialogue in my head when I woke up this morning so I thought what the hell#Might as well draw the boys in a heap for funsies#Sometimes they do spread out and do their own thing#But usually at least once a day it's sit on each other o'clock
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Viridian City seems fun
#I love these guys specifically#In my head they're the world's least functional family#I dont care if only two of them are related let me have this#you can tell the winter term is going to go poorly when just the thought of it rockets me back into my oldest fixation#I'm gonna be stuck on pokespe for a while probably#I honestly think this manga's not even that good but I read it when I was 12 so now it's a permanent part of my psyche#pokemon#pokespe#pokemon giovanni#trainer yellow#lance pokemon#rival silver#silver pokespe#trainer green#practicing some different rendering styles because I like to pretend I know what I'm doing#once I figure out how to reliably draw faces its over for you bitches#art tag
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@scimagic Uhhh made this because I just think they’re dynamic is neat. Also completely agree with the Puzzle headcanon super fun silly and very on point. As we speak he is clinging for his dear life :))
I really enjoy seeing the illustrated storyline you have unfolding between the two and figured it would be nice to see this motorcycle sequence in motion. So tadaa here it is! In animated form! Now your obligated to make a full length written novel in-depth about their relationship /j
Sincerely though thanks for the creative inspiration and keep on being a swagger artist 👍✨
#Whoops seems my hand slipped—silly me these aren’t my characters! Here’s your lovelies back sorry for abducting them momentarily :))#tagging people is scary I’m just going to hide under a rock after this gets posted jksjsksp#my brain goes ‘teehee my genius hidden evil scheme no one saw coming—yess I shall gift lovely artists fanart when they least expect it’ >:3#and then once it’s actally time to post my brain goes crisis mode and implodes#like why am I drawing attention to myself huh? why can’t I scutter off as a masked anonymous figure into the night#oh well at least we made a dope ass motorcycle animation hell yea. Hopefully you like it <3#honestly in retrospect kinda surprises me that Puzzles doesn’t have a helmet…pretty sure his screen is durable but not THAT durable#one oopsie woopsie and that thing will get cracked again <<#but then again where are you ever going to find a rectangle screen shaped helmet to fit his head jksjsksp#there’s simply no winning#oh uh also incase anyone wishes to know the logistics of making this….didn’t take too long just three days! Pretty speedy :3#ok now this is the part where I twiddle my hands and await results lol#…..also just occurred to me the motorcycle model should’ve been a Harley or Suzuki I’m just dumb and forgor#even tho it was specified in the tags of the initial post I referenced heavily#like I was staring at the art for reference + online material but that useful tidbit of tag information flew over my head :P#sorry all you get is the generic motorcycle model….mission failed better luck next time *dies*#hplonesome art#not my characters#gift for someone else#do I even need to specify that in tags NO CLUE I’M PARANOID/j
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⭐🎀🏆🎉 a wa wa winner! 🎉🏆🎀⭐
i'm running late on getting this out, but i'm still reeling over the results of the @kirbyoctournament! i can't quite believe that starstruck- my pint sized waddle dee- made it all the way to the tippy-top against such intense competition. the roster was full of such an incredible selection of wonderful, loveable, and creative characters!
it's heart-warming to know that people out there really love my little wanya and her story, and i'll carry that with me always! 🥰💖
i am so grateful to everybody who voted for and supported starstruck (and i!) throughout the tournament, and i'd also like to give my thanks to everybody- moderators, participants, spectators- who made this community event as cool and fun as it was!! i met many new people and learned about so many wonderful new characters!
this piece in particular is dedicated to and features all of starstruck's competitors in the tourney, starting with jakkle doo from round one, right up to valfrey in the final round. it was a fantastic honour to compete against all of your OCs, and i look forward to hopefully seeing them around plenty more in the future!!
thank you again!!
characters are listed from bottom to top; round 1 vs jakkle doo by @ninjakirkki, round 2 vs galacchio by @tatonslice, round 3 vs atlas by @unleashedsonic, round 4 vs mama d by @chibifox2002, round 5 vs parhelion knight by @aseuki, round 6 vs techie by @ivynajspyder, and the round 7 final vs valfrey by @gethoce
#my art#starstruck dee#others ocs#prize of the tourney is of course a fancy ribbon; who'd have guessed! works out perfectly for starstruck; it's in tourney colours!#this was such a wild ride!! can't believe it lasted six months! sorry this art is running almost a full month late#but i really hope you'll love it! thanks again for being my competitors during this event!! i truly love all your ocs!#7 friendly sunbeams- or at the very least folks who can play nice- and then parhelion knight. smooshed as he deserves#i did try but just a heads up that these characters are probably not totally size accurate i'm so sorry! i think atlas esp should be bigger#anyway i gotta stop typing before i get sappy again but once again thank you thank you thank you!!!! this truly means so much to me!! 💖💖💖#giving starstruck a little crown is probably not the best idea; but we'll let it slide this once!#ps: finally drew the oft requested full colour picture of stell with their wings out. at long last. for u aseuki 😘#edit: forgot starstruck's cheek constellations here for an embarrassingly long amount of time. oops. fixed now!
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noelle........ im not like a deltarune/undertalehead buuut i do like watching theory/character analysis vids sometimes:) i like the christian deer girl. chismas
#my art#deltarune#noelle deltarune#noelle holiday#her design is in theory something i really wouldnt like but somehow i find it rlly appealing#idk i like her stupidly long head and bucktooth and giant ol eyes.......... shes so cutesssss#these games are really fascinating to me from a character & lore standpoint n i kinda wanna get more into it but..... its so big.....#im sorry the sheer amount of Stuff out there is scary to me:( i do enjoy casually checking in on the community every once in a while tho!#also noelles story hits home in a very particular way at least from what little i know abt it so. yknow. i love her kinda
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#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 3#yakuza series#yakuza 3#yoshitaka mine#tsuyoshi kanda#daigo dojima#snap sketches#the like. one time im actually bothered to draw anything for myself and it has to be the most niche bullshit i could muster#i just want mine to use kanda's head as a bowling ball at least once. itd be funny#anyway this is MY dead souls au any questions or comments will be seen by my lawyers#i didnt think id finish this today i thought id just save this for the weekend but my commissioner was taking A Hot Minute to get back to m#and i already have my week scheduled for other comm work and i figured 'fine i will be self indulgent ONCE'#ok bye im sleeping#or playing minecraft idk we'll see. or i will at least.
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first and last time you catch me clubbing
based on this post here i thought it would be fitting and funny lol
#this popped into my head weeks ago and i was set on finishing it#no worries tho lucifer saves the day once again!!#obey me asmodeus#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me mc#obey me nightbringer#i finished this a while ago actually but ive been spending time on original stuff#hoping to get that project off the ground soon!#or at least get way too obsessed with my own characters and make consistent art#my art#its extra funny cause i dont club#so def feel like some shit like this would happen
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Gee, thanks for the help, Froot Loop. You couldn't have done that an hour ago?
#Vlad gets to do the right thing (always for the wrong reasons) at least once a season in the version of DP that's in my head#for future reference Daniel: very few creatures can walk off a surprise utility pole to the skull#danny phantom#danny fenton#vlad masters#vlad plasmius#danielle phantom#they're a family in my heart#cheese melt#dani phantom#fan comics#comics
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everyone saying venom 3 was bad and im here looking around like.....did-did you think the first two were good ??????????
#listen i watch these movies at least once a month#they keep me alive#but to expect a high quality actually good movie out of this franchise is crazy lmao#theyre suppose to be silly and fun action movies#if you want a good plot go read ao3#like its a spicy romcom is my head but i didnt go to watch the movie expecting that#i think if you watch all 3 together theyre all the same type of movie and theyre all bad but fun#like every other superhero movie#venom
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like five commissions would solve so many of my problems right now …. 🌀you want to commission me🌀…. 🌀you want to look at my pinned post and you want to commission me sooooo bad🌀…….
a few recent commissions ⬇️
been loving leaning into more illustration/poster work and would love to do more!!
#i’m like out of options LOL#like everyone else i’ve been applying to probably hundreds of jobs and like everyone else i can’t get SHIT#my options are 1) stay out here and suffer 2) beg my parents to help me move home and REALLY truly suffer (this one isn’t really an option)#or like 3) go lay in the dirt indefinitely idk i’m in over my head and i made a mistake moving but it’s too late to back out!#going home wouldn’t be good for anyone least of all me!#idk i feel like everyone is judging me for thinking i had it good then falling flat on my face anyways#i feel like it was some kind of sick joke that i finally for once felt stable and happy just to get it yanked away from me#and be worse off than before#sorry i’m really emotional because i’ve been going through it so hard for so long and i’m really exhausted#i hate getting on here and begging for work but idk what else to do right now#mine#arty art
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what would I do without you. indeed illario.
lucanis trust me! indeed illario. the ea-nasir vibes on this shitty little rat of a man (somehow still slightly affectionate despite myself)
I am obsessed with WHERE this letter is found and what we're meant to read into those context clues. I don't have a handy save for this mission right now to double check the details, but from memory: It's the room across from what seems implied to be Caterina's room (Lucanis says these are the family quarters, so Illario has kept her locked in her own room all this time probably?? Oh oh house arrest, house arrest for grandmother for ten thousand years style)? We find the scraps of a letter from Zara to Illario, torn to pieces with one fragment still in the empty fireplace so presumably we're meant to assume he burned it, and this old letter from Illario to Lucanis lying neatly on a table. Whose room is this? Because here's a theory one could put together that has some real crazymaking potential for me specifically at least:
Considering that we're helpfully down to only three Dellamortes to account for, it's likely either Lucanis' or Illario's room. If I'm remembering right/let's for a moment assume that Caterina is being confined to her own rooms -- the fact that Lucanis is her favourite and also heir apparent I'd say tips the scales for me that it's likely she'd keep him closest, whenever he's home. Thus opening for the possibility that all this time Illario has been staying in the room of the cousin he murdered but as it turns out not hard enough that he didn't come back again like a haunting, reading his own old letters to him that Lucanis apparently kept all this time (!!! ow !!!), and sparing them from the spiteful fate he gave Zara's 'aww chin up you'll get 'em next time babe' one, right across the hall from where the grandmother he apparently can't bring himself to kill or seriously hurt even with everything else he's done is imprisoned and i n c r e d i b l y pissed off, if she gets out of there while he's sleeping or something he's fucked. Has he been sleeping in Lucanis' bed since kidnapping Caterina????? (did they ever share a bed, when they were children? for comfort if not ever out of real necessity?) is this some kind of incredibly fucked up way to try to be close to them both somehow even when he is the one who messed it all up to begin with? no matter what I have so many questions here what is WRONG with this family???????? (well I don't think we have time to get into all that right now that's a novel not a text post probably fhsdkj)
#between this letter and lucanis' comment in hossberg about the disaster boat trip he went on with illario#something said click in my head and I went 'oh. they really are like my uncles then. say no more. I understand perfectly.'#like on a soul level I get it. putting it into words is a bit different but giving it my first shot here fjdsk#obviously 'yeah he killed his brother but he IS probably kind of sad about it' is like. not really redeeming in any real way here lol#but y'know it's something at least!#I think it's left intentionally ambiguous what illario is really feeling beneath all his theatrics and (bad. pathetic.) power ploys#he's certainly willing to use anything to his own ends for all that it's worth once he gets his grubby little claws on it!#but...#if only for lucanis' sake I want there to be *something* that could at least be mistaken for redeemable in a weird slanted light#in this little shit. the leftover fondness I do have for him from the wigmaker job blinds me perhaps. love does that sometimes. clearly#'my *only* friend. before you'. sigh here we go again my heart shattering into a million billion pieces once more#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte
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If there is one thing about me it’s that I love thinking about Aziraphale being the murder hornet next season and sneaking into hell by dressing like a demon.
#I’m still on my murder hornet in the bee hive clown game.#I truly believe we as a people deserve to see fallen/dark aziraphale at least once#my only reservation is that while in my head he’d be all cool and slutty about it#it IS aziraphale so he’d probably dress up like bacchus or something goofy#like a dark version of the rome flashback#good omens
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