#anyways im hurting my own feelings here.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I cant use the imagery of shitty harsh fluorescent lighting on the subway in my fanfiction bc Lin literally already does it in the fucking musical which really sucks because if theres one thing I love to do its rail on shitty fluorescent lighting.
#crying that i have that bit about the lighting in dubai in my snippet that i just posted#can you tell im a lighting designer. is it obvious.#warriors musical#anyways im hurting my own feelings here.#me: yeah idk i just think rembrandt and ajax should be in love haha i just think itd be fun#me‚ 500 words later: ohhhhh my god they were in love.....
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trust and belief and trust and belief and trust and belief and-
#Hajime hinata#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Sdr2#Super danganronpa 2#Danganronpa 2#Danganronpa#Kuzuhina#God I'm so emotions these past days what is happening#Anyway here's comfort! For all the recent hurt hehe sry#Also I got inspired by my OWN art#From being papanorth. Which was specifically like ... different responses to different traumas#And a recent post about being patient and kind vs being passionate and reaffirming#An art#ANYWAY I have feelings and emotions sometimes! It's good times#It's a bit late but im posting anyway while my mood is high#Oh I forgot to include my own thoughts#Fuyuhiko is suspicious and assumes every unexpected touch is hostile. Except... hes learning not to.#Hajime has moments where he goes away for a bit and cant really engage with people. But... hes finding ways to ground himself as himself.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
229 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i dont think this needs context#and its so vague I can tag a bunch of stuff because oh my irene have I been hurt by many mediocre Minecraft roleplays#aphblr#minecraft diaries#mystreet#my inner demons#dsmp#what was the fuckin#yandere high roleplay#does anyone know what Im talking about#anyways uhh this is the part where I pause tagging to see if anyone else has even talked about some of the ones I want to list#skydoesminecraft#yeah their roleplays fucked me up big time#samgladiator#i found it :3#minecraft roleplay#if it wasn't obvious I think this screenie is very funny and applicable to a lot so feel free to tag your own series here#there were a lot of these#i could make an argument for iHasCupquake's Oasis series counting sort of#and also being what jesson wanted but never got but the world isn't ready for that#my screenshots
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
these are super, super informal and unorganized thoughts but god these panels are haunting me so:
it’s interesting to finally be reading some of the issues that i assume influence general fanon perception of damian because there’s so much emphasis on the actions against tim (and like yeah fair, fucked up let’s not move past that) but also there’s little moments sprinkled throughout that made me go “…this is a child. This is a whole child.”
like idk man! These two pieces of dialogue are very striking to me! “See? I can be useful!” And “Look at me, Mother!”. Maybe it’s just because I work with kids but i read this and very clearly hear a child’s voice! And sometimes i think because a lot of people get caught up in the “formal” way that damian speaks that people forget he’s a kid. A very competent, highly trained kid. But he’s a kid.
Again, i don’t think Damian’s actions can be brushed off just because he’s a kid, and (within the content of the Morrison run), has had some fucked up shit going on. But like - for fanon, I’m just begging folks to strike the balance between talking about Damian being held accountable for his actions and also understanding that in this point in time he’s like maybe nine or ten-years-old. Idk! I’m tired of reading analysis and fan fiction that absolutely crucifies Damian and doesn’t try to find the nuance at all.
#Ramblings#damian wayne#batman comics#batman#batman and son#i don’t wanna give any flowers to Morrison because these are also the issues with the most insane depictions of talia i’ve ever seen#But like. These moments are in here for a reason okay#I don’t have enough brain cells at the moment to talk about how there like. Might be some adultification bias somewhere in here#From the fandom side#Peace and love i am also a Tim Drake stan but why is he allowed to be a hurt child and not Damian#Examine that perhaps#And I’m so dead serious when you read or re-read damian Wayne’s dialogue#When you read him in fics#Do you actually hear a child’s voice. Im so dead serious#I’m just feeling particularly reflective on how we teach and treat children because I’m in the middle of an intense work week w my own kids#And so. These panels are haunting me#Also like if u made this far into the tags please feel free to correct me on Damian’s age in this particular run#Cause I’ve been hopping around from run to run and so i get confused#Anyways please look at all these characters as humans#Im scared of fandom so I’m dropping this and running away bye#The formatting on this post is so inconsistent sorry if it’s not readable
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
moodboard: fred x wesley
#fred x wesley#angel#angel the series#ats#atsedit#my moodboards#ill be real i did feel very basic but im sorry i couldnt help myself. i fkn loved these two#teh angst and pining and just the cuteness was too much. sdfghjk yeah <333#just the care !!!#also ive had mid left image saved for Ages. and just havent found a good ship fror them. so finally here we are. feels good to use it lmfao#this show was a mess. and tbh i kinda cnat belive i watched it all. what a way to spend a depressive episode#but anyways. my kids my loves <33#aso utting btm right and left in the same mb.... yes i did indeed hurt my own heart doing that#altho i guess they are both dead by the end. but wes being dead is v diff bc its right at the end u know#its like anya being dead. finale deaths often dont register in my brain tbh
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
im sorryyyyy i dont wanna be a mean bitch but genuinely i feel like im the one of only ppl who are actually alone bc i keep seeing all of these ppl complain abt how alone they are then they post a bunch of pics with their friend groups and they go on trips and celebrate their birthdays with friends and im like 😦?????????? im ngl i lowkey feel betrayed bc like yes sure we can relate on "feeling lonely" but ig at the end of they day im so sorry im not saying this to gatekeep loneliness or whatever but like u just cannot relate to what it feels like to not only feel lonely but also be alone and not even have people who want to spend moments with u. and feel and be like on your birthday you're alone. on your insta you're alone. irl u dont have ppl who even want to make plans with u. i know i know that everyone's loneliness is valid and you can still have partners and friends and feel lonely and that is valid i really do think so. idk i just feel so fkn alienated from everyone, including people who say theyre lonely - bc they still have ppl to talk to and ppl to be with and ppl who wants to be with them and consider them their friend lol.... i dont have anyone to take pics with or have groupchats with or go to concerts with or go for walks with and i dont have anyone to message abt stupid things or blah lahblahblah it doesnt even matter atp
#and like i am really really lucky that i have one person i talk to on a regular basis and have been for almost two years#and that he stills wanna be friend even if hes seen my insane person rants abt him on here#like genuinely i'd prob slowly wither and die without having had experienced talking to him#ig its not even only other ppl it is my avpd#if i just send a message thats like casual everyday talk between friends#im first freaking out abt it for hours bc i obviously deserve to DIE for even bothering them with a message#so even if i long for certain things its like well yeah i cant do that bc i deserve to die and im worthless useless and a bother and burden#and why would i force someone to waste time on me when they have ppl out there who are actually worth their time#i dont know#i just feel sad bc i checked insta and someone who talks abt being alone often posted pics of them celebrating their bday with friends 😭#and ofc everyone are valid to feel what they feel!!!! i know that!!!!!! it just hurts selfishly lmaooo#bc i am lonely but i will spend my bday crying in my room alone#like i have been for the past years#not even my own family wants to spend it with me#i talk a little abt plans w my mom and she acts like im holding her hostage 😭😭😭#so idk she'll prob agree but it wont feel great bc i know she doesnt really wanna spend time w me#anyway...... we're all alone as i get to hear all thw time#its just that most ppl who are alone also have partners and friends and family members or even a therapist haha 👍#i dont care tho its all good ^-^#also one of my old bully friends is marrid and just got her baby and she messaged me like hii how are u?#like what do u even want me to say.... cool... u have traveled the world u have found love u have made a ton of new friends#while still having your old friend group (that i got dumped by) and u even have your own kid#i am a fkn loser who should just die tbh#so yeah im doing great hahahha just gonna kms real quick 😸🙌🏻#but idc tho 😁
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
made a timeline for monk tv for the folks cause it makes no sense sometimes.
[more in the tags]
[update: stottlemeyer's timeline found here]
#tried my best#math really churned itself out here#fic writing resources ahoy#feel free to use <3#monk 2002#monk 2002 timeline#this only counts adrian's age#i got tired of plotting a fic and going “errr wait when does this happen and does this thing im mentioning fit with this period of time???”#esp now that im going crazy about pre-series monk ideas#monk wiki says stottlemeyer is 17 YEARS OLDER THAN MONK#im just??? wot???#how can... that makes no sense. how can stottlemeyer be 81 and the head of security for some rich ass guy in mr. monk's last case? it dont#add up at all. ive always headcanoned that stottlemeyer is like 6-9 years older than monk#what were the writers thinking these ages are wacky#trudy is 4 years younger than monk too.#if we follow how she died when she was 34#and theyd been married for 7 years... that makes her 27 but like. they met in uni. what age were they then???#monk def had to be 23-24 when he met trudy. which makes her 20 :“)#its whack man. making sense of this makes my head hurt#anyway im here to stop all that suffering#here we go#A BETTER TIMELINE#ill update with stottlemeyer's own age timeline soon :>
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need to pack my bags and get the hell out of frown town
#i realise that recently i have been disgustingly self absorbed with my own issues 😔#there is a line between discussing bad feelings with friends and being stiflingly negative and i leapt across that line a few weeks ago#like yeah my own issues feel horrendously overwhelming at points but i can't always be caught up in that when i'm around my best friend#i think it's a mix of just exhaustion and also the fact i see her after school where i'm more positive#so i just crash after a tiring day and become the mayor of frown town#it hurt to hear but i mean she worded it much less directly than i have been wording this#and the vibes have been feeling rancid lately so im glad i recognise the issue now and things should feel a bit better between us#just ough it's so easy to become an unpleasant person#not even necessarily by inflicting harm on others but just not inflicting any joy#it's rough out here but it's good to find out negative aspects of yourself and improve them ig#bc i have had friends that are horribly negative and it's just difficult to be around them sometimes#ugh anyway sleep will help all this#oh also in the morning today seemed impossibly exhausting but i got through it#woohoo#now i desperately need to fix my sleep schedule starting with now. bye bye tumblr
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
am i the only one who thinks celebrating pride month in the middle of an ongoing genocide is a bit................... 😒
#selfish?#obtuse?#disconnected?#fr i actuallt don't want to see the 'im too scawed and anxious and my precious feelings hurt too much to go to any irl action or protest or#rally or write letters or phone calls to government or boycott divest or sanction or stand up for so called beliefs and actually it's#ableism to say i should' crowd posting photos at pride parades where fucking cops are marching having fun and not protesting anything.#i don't wanna fuckinf see it. if you can't leave your house for your beliefs for justice for liberation then why do you think you can for#so called pride? pride in what? your cowerdace? ain't nothing queer about that babe.#i'm physically disabled and i'm there every week. i'm mentally disabled and exhausted and burnt out and traumatised and i'm there every week#if you can't even go to a single like green-level protected rally to show support in numbers. not even once when they're every week#then get out of here with that i can't wait to march in the pride parade bullshit and grow a spine#anyway no pride in genocide no cops at pride and no fucking cowardly queers who put their own comfort before LITERALLY STOPPING A GENOCIDE#as is every international citizen of the worlds fucking duty. ur duty to humanity called and said ur a failure :/
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
You know you have a problem when you start RELATING to the song Waving Through A Window
#lol just wrote the sentence 'everyone gets sick of him eventually' and started spiralling because it hit too close to home#because my friend didnt text me back and because a different friend who I was always with walked into my common room said hi and ignored me#and don't get me wrong she was talking about me behind my back so I am trying to distance myself but fuck it hurt#im so tired of everyone getting sick of me#but i know its my own fault so i guess I can't complain#my social anxiety is so severe at the moment that i can't really handle much social interaction anyway#and I can't stop crying because I'm so sick of feeling this way#and i have my writing workshop tomorrow and I'm really scared#and the one person I want to talk to didn't text me back so now I'm scared to ask her for help#because I'm also riddled with guilt every time I go to her for help and I'm convinced she views me as a burden#BUT I MEAN THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE I'LL JUST COOK MY BURGER AND CALL IT A DAY#pls ignore this#personal#rambles#ramblings
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
~* Late Happy Holidays and early Happy New Year! :D *~
Biggest success of the year? I got my Bachelor's degree and the animation I made as the final project was even used by NerdyPup Games in their IndieCade Festival nomination! :D
So much has happened! Eraser stamps, commissions, contests and collabs, I got into a new school and even started a secret side-project with friends! This year really had it all! :P
Thank you for sticking around! :D
[Template by taxkha]
Links to previous years (2016-2022) under the cut c:
[2022]
[2021]
[2020]
[2019]
[2018]
[2017]
[2016]
#art summary#summary of art#summary of art 2023#art summary 2023#my art#This year had it all at the cost of my online presence and that's the one thing I'll try my best to fix next year-#i'm not the most interactive on the best of days but the fact that I skipped the v-day tradition this year hurts me to my core ;-;#im leaving the main caption fun and full of accomplishments to remember that yeah!! I did achieve things!!!#but in all honesty I have very mixed feelings about this year. It was certainly A LOT#i need to chill in 2024 bc i've been toying with the burnout line for a while and nothing i'm doing is worth crossing it#anyway!! Hope y'all had pleasant holidays and I'll see you in the new year!! :D#thank you for sticking around! c:#ALSO THERES 1000 OF YOU HERE!! Since today!!! Great timing also THANKS! :P Hope I'll provide whatever you followed me for 8))#and if i don't do that of my own accord I hope you'll join me in a celebratory requests round for V-day if all goes right! :P
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#im gonna be talking about liams death and idk how much detail im gonna go into but just in case pls dont read on if youre hurting rn#because its just me spilling my own emotions and i dont think everyone is gonna agree or find it helpful.#liam payne#death#le text post#anyways#i think i need to come to terms with the fact that theres nothing I or probably anyone else could have done#he was hurting. a lot. for a long time. he was severly fucked over by the industry.#but also... he had a decent career. people around him. family or otherwise. loads of fans who stull loved and adored him#and even just before he physically got to see#me saying all this isnt to say that he shouldve been 'fixed' or 'ok' because of any of this.#i understand deeply myself how just because you seemingly have everything you need doesnt mean your brain cannot fuck you over regardless#but like. it wasnt a case of. oh maybe if i had done this. or someone else had done that.#he unfortunately fell victim to his demons and addiction or whatever the hell. ive deliberately tried not to look into it too much because#i dont feel its right to pry and it wont change anything#and its done. its just simply done. and torturing myself over what ifs and could have beens will not change anything.#im glad that he got to leave a lasting impact on me. even though it hurts. and i hate what this means for anyone else that cared about him.#at least he was here.#i could go on but I'll leave it at that
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#so first of all I'm fine.#second of all I don't know if that's a lie or not but like. by some stretch it's gotta be true#so it doesn't count as a lie to my code of honor.#anyway. I keep fucking losing it y'all#I.... even now on depression medication I'm still breaking down what feels like fucking daily#it's just in different ways#crying harder than I have in a while and feeling more panicked about than like I'm releasing emotion#it's more distant but for some reason it's. easier to conceptualize uh#....tw here for like self harm and suicidal thoughts don't read the rest of these if you don't wanna see that#some reason it's easier to conceptualize the idea of. cutting myself? it never felt like a possibility before#id think about it and know I'd never do it. but. now....#.....i can't help but find myself wondering if it *would* feel good. to hurt. to see my own blood#........there are so many people who's lives I've touched that would be saddened if I were gone but#it's.....harder to use that to ground myself. to pull myself away from the thoughts of just......#..........stopping#ending everything. i dunno. fuck.#....a few weeks ago I found myself wanting to roll out of the moving car and could feel myself able to#reach for the seatbelt buckle and the door handle#........im not okay and honestly I don't know if I care#sometimes I do but when I feel like this it feels impossible TO care#it feels so distant. i feel so distant. I feel so nothing and so bad at the same time#i feel so fucking ugly#so much self hatred rearing it's head where I thought I'd gotten past it#i have a therapy appointment at the end of March and I'm not sure if that's soon enough.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
why are we having queerbaiting discourse as a fandom in the year of our lord 2024 😭😭 we're just as bad as twitter oh my god
#real people cant queerbait. jance arent queerbaiting bokris arent queerbaiting either .#we have no right to know their sexualities nor do they have any obligation to tell us before kissing a man. they could be fully straight#they could be playing gay chicken 24/7 (they are) and that still isnt queerbaiting !#what they choose to put in that photoshoot 'authentic' or not is their choice#its so stupid cuz like i thjnk its such a nothingburger of discourse 😭 neither of the ships at play here are in direct conflict with#each other#literally for everyone on both sides : dont like just block#i dont think anyone in this fandom has malintent or is tryinf to put any other members down on purpose#+ we all have our own preferences when it comes to shipping#also i think stuff thats getting said is getting so misinterpreted and magnified beyond original intent that its making everything such a#largwr deal than it is#anyways! my own personal gripe: related to my orher post#why are we babying grown men lord 😭 i would also LOVE a jannacejure photoshoot but im sure its not hurtful for tjem if they dont do it 😭#like theyre grown men not elementary schoolers who need to be told theyre special#sorry that was a little more confrontational! wow we have really descended into disxourse today havent we#what im trying to say is this: i have beloved mutuals on both 'sides' and hold no hard feelings at all we're all entitled to our opinions#and i think it's really stupid to be drawing lines in the sand like this around issues that dontt even matter#ok! im done#vee rambles#ok yeah ive gone back and read all the discourse and my conclusion remains the same. i thjnk some people are reading a leetol too much into#things#but i think both sides have valid points#whatever we shall take it as it comes
10 notes
·
View notes