#anyways idk why i decided to colour the lines the way i did. basically getting rid of the outer ones

[codgod]

my last sin… is that i hate you.

i. hate. you.

[riddlerosehearts]

🐍 same, there were many things i did not enjoy about HoO but leo is one of the highlights i will always treasure from it. in fact I made my OC just so I could make them be friends with him bc it's like an old childhood dream of mine 😭 it's several years late but i will do it anyway. have u ever made any pjo ocs?

I read your post and i agree with you so much!! EN did jamil so dirty and just the few changes they made to his lines flipped the entire dynamic between him and kalim and basically completely erased how tragic and difficult their situation is, and portrayed jamil as basically just someone throwing a fit over something easily changeable when it isn't. I play on JP so I was so surprised to see the changes EN made, it sucked seeing so many ppl hate my fav

oh nooo yeah if both riddle and jamil are in the athena cabin i have no clue who'd become the head counselor... this is so hard, if only we could have more than one :(. Kalim'd def be in a different cabin at least, but just him being around camp would make it so much harder for jamil to be himself, it hurts my heart. there are so many ways you can write this and it all has so much angst potential. on the other hand you're so right abt the missed leo nico friendship bc i always intuitively felt they could've be good friends without knowing why, but your analysis puts everything into words and makes me even sadder we had such a missed opportunity... like cmon rick....

idia labwear groovy but nico is actually so funny - nico ominously approaching cats with his hands out like the grabbing emoji when nobody is looking and completely unaware how scared the cats feel, meanwhile all he wants is to spend some time with kitty before the chain sneezing sets in

I love your ideas abt the outfits I think they fit super well!! if i get around to doodling the characters in a twst au i'd like to reference your ideas if that's okay with you! They'd both probably attempt to wear the uniforms as a full set in the beginning then decide it's way too much of a hassle/feels too stiff (totally not an excuse to want to draw them in the full outfit), then begin modifying things so it felt more like themselves, though at least I think they both would like the ignihyde uniforms better than the other dorms, igni's seems more casual and practical than the other ones imo. for some reason i feel like the savanaclaw colours would look good on leo, i just picture yellow being a nice colour on him - but leo in savanaclaw would just be like him stuck with a ton of jocks feeling confused why he's even there lool

also imagine leo meeting ortho, he'd be so fascinated that something like ortho was possible and be inspired to make a robot of his own (twst festus origin story?) idk if there's a robotics club but i could see that being leo's club of choice, nico maybe board games... which means he'd meet idia and azul omg, what do you think?

sorry it took me a bit a longer to answer this time. i haven't!! i don't make OCs super often in general, i don't even really have one for twst haha, but i love seeing all the creativity other people put into their OCs.

yeah exactly!! i do keep up with the JP main story updates and have read most of the JP events through fan translations, but i started by playing on EN. and i feel really lucky that i recognized the words for master and servant and could tell they were mistranslating some things, because i can imagine that otherwise i would've come out of it hating jamil for "betraying" kalim too. instead i loved him and was a little annoyed with kalim until book 5 showed more of his growth. i don't ship jamil and kalim but i do love both of them and it's sad that the complexity of their dynamic got watered down so much... i will note, though, that the app is rated E10+ on the google play store and 4+ on the iOS app store, so my guess is that higher-ups at disney thought the actual story wasn't kid-friendly enough.

something else to keep in mind with athena kids that i actually sort of forgot about until recently, is that they're all claimed from birth and therefore are pursued by monsters from birth :( and then also the fact that athena is a virgin goddess who just sort of gives babies to people who might not have been prepared to have one... i bet that would make things so much rougher for riddle and jamil. some other ideas i had are that if jamil's parent was a minor god, it could be nemesis (goddess of revenge) or terpsichore (muse of dance). and for kalim, if his parent was an olympian it would be either dionysus or apollo and if it was a minor god it'd be tyche (goddess of luck and fortune). like you said, there's so many different ways i could see their story going in an AU like this and they'd all be so angsty.

if you wanna see more analysis on how nico and leo fit together there's some stuff i've reblogged from others in my valdangelo tag! not all of it is necessarily romantic, i just basically use that for anything about the two of them--and a lot of the reasons why people like the ship are reasons why they'd work platonically as well. but yeah one of my biggest criticisms of HoO is how even though i like all the new characters for the most part, i feel like their relationships to each other were largely defined by romance (and i don't just mean the actual couples, but also the frank-hazel-leo love triangle for example) and a lot of potential was missed because of that!

oh yeah go for it!! feel free to use pretty much any of these ideas we've been brainstorming as basis for your own headcanons and stuff, i don't mind at all. and like i've been saying, if you did draw anything for this AU i'd love to see it. i can definitely see that about leo and nico both trying on the full uniform and then quickly deciding not to bother with it anymore lol. i imagined them both not wearing the tie because i just think nico wouldn't really want to and that leo might not even know how to tie one AFSKJGHDF. do you think leo would add any other accessories or personalization to his school uniform? also, i was thinking, i totally agree that they'd both like the ignihyde uniform, especially nico because it resembles the bulky jackets he normally likes to wear! but i wonder what nico would wear for a dorm uniform if he transferred to ramshackle... according to one of silver's voice lines at least, they canonically don't have one, so maybe he'd just wear, like, a my chemical romance shirt and call that a uniform lol. or keep his ignihyde uniform and confuse everyone.

omg, i love the thought of leo meeting ortho and being inspired to make festus because of him. he'd definitely be so fascinated by everything ortho could do. as for the clubs, i saved this excellent post about NRC's clubs for reference a while back, and since no other existing clubs were mentioned in either of the camp vargas events, i assume that that's all of them. but afaik there's nothing that says leo couldn't start a robotics club, and i'm sure there'd be people willing to join! out of the existing clubs i can totally see nico being in the board game club, i think that'd be a lot of fun for him.

[osamiiya]

Taking them bra shopping

Characters: Kita Shinsuke, Ojiro Aran, Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, Suna Rintaro

Warnings: Suggestive, gender neutral pronouns but reader has boobies, like one or two swears.

a/n Why did I write this? idk honestly. Watch my mental state degrade throughout this

Kita Shinsuke

---

Very polite

You think you see him blushing a bit at the more risque lingerie but he isn't

"I think that the other colour complemented your skin tone better."

Dosent try anything funny in the changing rooms, he simply peeks his head through the curtains, makes sure no one else sees. He waits in the hallway :(

Gives his honest thoughts about the style and color

Won't outright ask you to buy any lingerie but he's not going to object.

Pays for it all bless his soul </3

"I think the other one was better. This looks too tight."

You hum and move to put the other one on and Kita makes a sound of approval that accompanies his small smile.

His hands politely hover over the bra to fix it's positioning, waiting for your green light to put his hands on you.

"This one looks the best."

"It's $45 I think." Kita just nods and slips away from the curtain when you mutter something about being done.

He's holding the bras you decide to get in one hand, wallet in the other, and as the items get scanned, he dosent even bat an eye.

At your thanks he just raises an eyebrow.

"You need them don't you?"

Ojiro Aran

Respectful but also down bad

He walks with his eyes cast downward bc his mother raised him to respect women. He can't help that his eyes wander sometimes and then widen at the linge racks.

Aran holds your stuff and lets you wander off, following and giving his opinion when asked for it.

He says everything will look good on you so he's kind of no help

Again waits in the hallway, but if you have multiple to try on he'll just wait in the fitting room with you and comment nice things on how you look that day

"This one or the first one?"

You do a turn for him and he just smiles.

"They're both nice."

Rolling your eyes you run to the mirror, not missing the way Aran's eyes wander on your body.

"I don't want to get both though."

Your hands run over the material, pushing and pulling at it slightly to see which one was more flattering.

"Just get both, I'll pay."

Your smile grows in the mirror as you ask if he's sure, and he is.

So you get both, and wander to the check out, picking up things and asking Aran's thoughts.

Aran however, didn't think that bras would be that expensive, it's a small piece of fabric,the same as a bikini top, why was the price so high?

He swallows his pride and hands his card over with shaky hands, it's nothing he couldn't afford, he was just shocked that two bras easily went over $100.

Miya Atsumu

Don't take him please

Brings you lingerie that he thinks will look nice on you.

Has his own basket of stuff he thinks will look nice on you.

Finds the whole ordeal extremely hot and enjoys watching you send an embarrassed glare when he asks to get sized

Waits in the fitting room with you the entire time, putting on the bras after you and giggling to himself.

Wants to touch. Do not let him touch.

Likes all boobies big and small, very much a boob man and will be caught drooling at you trying on lingerie and push up bras

"You should get this."

There's less that'll be covered than the others, but Atsumu's dead set on how "Fuckin' hot" you'd look in it.

A quick look to the price tag has Atsumu's eyes going wide as saucers, and you can almost see the mental debate he has going on, whether he wants to get the lingerie along with your other under things or get the nice knee pads he's been wanting.

Miya Atsumu sulks when he puts it back, sending it a solemn look as he whispers that it would be a shame to spend that much money for a one night event, knowing how he'd ruin it and rip it off at first opportunity.

Like Aran, he watches you try on different styles and colours and decides they're all nice, really nice.

The price tag however? Not so nice.

He goes on a Twitter rant while you're talking to the store owner.

Miya Osamu

You would think he was a good person to go with

But remember, he's still a Miya

Snorts when the lady has you put on a bra over your clothes to see the cup size

But somehow he's still hyping you up?

Swears in ~awe~ and wolf whistles when you ask for his opinion

He loves going undergarment shopping with you

Likes it when you allow him to pick out lingerie, hands smoothing over your skin and the lace with awe

Genuinely thinks you look prettiest in the bright fitting room lighting, clad in a pair of pants and no top

"Wow."

Osamu can't help that his eyes wander everywhere, and you're right in front of him and God, you're so pretty.

"Look ok?"

Osamu's nodding before he realizes what he's doing.

"Let's buy the whole store, doll."

Unfortunately he dosent have the budget of a professional athlete but he's still got some money that he's more than willing to spend if it makes you feel pretty.

"The whole store?" You cant help but laugh at the firm nod Osamu gives you through the mirror, and Osamu's eyes sparkle.

His eyes however, don't sparkle when the poor teenage girl rings up the items, and Osamu sweats as he hands over his card, promising himself it was for a good cause.

And it was, especially when you show him again at home.

Suna Rintaro

Asks why you can't just use his hands as a bra

Smack his smug grin

Dosent mind going shopping with you or holding your bags

Just goes on his phone until you ask him something

Thinks you're pretty whenever, and dosent get the point of getting a pretty bra when nobody (but him) will see it anyways

Gives good advice on what styles look better than others

Makes sure they're comfortable and that you tell the lady if it isnt

He couldn't care less, will walk around the mall afterwards holding the bag

"Just tell her your size is my hand."

"Rin, please shut up- Hi yes I was looking to get a bra."

Suna wandered around the area, not letting you out of his peripheral vision, texting Atsumu and feeling the different laces and silks.

He's almost scared out of his skin when a worker approaches and asks if he needs anything.

When he wanders back, you're getting sized and Suna's scanning your face for any inckling of uncomfort, and when none if detected his eyes go back to his phone, the Schweiden Adlers going into their second set after taking the first.

"Babe can you come see if this fits properly?"

Suna blinks for a moment, whipping his head around a couple times before spotting your face peeking out from the fitting room curtain.

He sends a sheepish look to the ladies in line and slips behind the curtain with you.

"I think it's good- here." His fingers are cold against your skin as he loosens the straps a little.

"Looks nice, I like the colour." Suna's face is soft and he rests his chin on your shoulder as you admire yourself.

---

Bonus; The colour bra they would pick for you

Kita: Something practical, white or a skin tone

Aran: I feel like he would like something a bit lacy? If you were comfortable with it. That or a basic colour like black.

Atsumu: Red!

Osamu: "Dosent care" but also soft colors

Suna: Like an emerald green? He gives me emerald green vibes

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️

[loudestcloud]

Time for Luffy's fashion exam! Now, I'll be honest, I did skip an outfit because I decided I will be ending this whole thing with the Strawhat fashion show in Episode of Luffy. Also, sorry for the posting gap, I remembered I have other unfinished post sets. That being said, this is a very long one so let's do this!

Kid Luffy, Post-Enies Lobby & Fish-Man Island: I think it's super cute when Luffy has white t shirts with red based logos because it reminds me of the first picture. Makes him look baby plus, they can always be found in cute domestic EPs or fun, cute flashbacks. The shorts change over time and that's also kinda cute, a range of cuffs is a nice change up. It's nice to see the red contrast the blue shorts and the white is a nice color on him cos it contrast his hair!

Romance Dawn, Enies Lobby, Thriller Bark, Sabaody Archipelago, Amazon Lily, Marineford & last Dressrosa outfit: This look is the pre Luffy look. It's the pre Timeskip look everyone thinks of is cuffed shorts, Kimono sandels and sleeveless vest (and Strawhat, obviously) but have you ever seen them all in a line? It's mad. Each outfit is the same basic look bit more are more spicy each time! I like the Thriller Bark and Sabaody Archipelago looks a little bit more cos it's nice to see that jacket open and it feels like he was trying something new. I also feel that the buttons on the jacket look like the ones on Shanks' pegged ankle sailor pants when we first see him so that's cool. (it took me hours to find the name for his trousers, oh my fucking god) The last Dressrosa outfit feels like a nice callback to the rest of the line up here without being too much cos it's just a red vest top instead and I do find it funny it's like the Enies Lobby and it's used in Dressrosa because of the jokes people make about Robin and Law being so similar.

Timeskip: This is it lads, it's the one true icon itself, the post look! ☺️ When I sit back and look at it I see all the people this look is influenced by and want to cry at how masterful it really is. (Now, I do wanna say that I didn't come up with this nor am I the first to say it and I am definitely probably looking too much into this but) The yellow belt is taken from Shanks' red belt the first time we see him and the Shanks look Luffy is more familiar with. Now onto the jacket. I know it won't stand out as to why for most but it's Ace inspired! When Ace leave to become a pirate, the start of his adventure, he has his jacket open and Luffy having his jacket open also shows his scar from the ending of Ace's adventure. I also really appreciate how no one hides scars in this anime. Also, someone said that the style of the jacket and it's fancy frills could be in reference to Sabo's little jabot collar and honestly I do see it. it's quite subtle unlike Shanks' but not as hard to catch as Ace's so I enjoy thinking that it's there too. Lastly, he still has his cuffed shorts and kimono sandels because it's still Luffy's outfit at the end of the day and he is still who is is, just with a stronger appreciation of what people have done for him now. It's also his colour pallette for the pure fact he is the main character n needs his pallet. also sometimes he just has normal wooden sandels but the same outfit sometimes, it's a small detil a lot of people overlook but I prefer the sound of his Kimono sandels 😊

Dressrosa: I love this outfit cos it's stilly but also has very nice vibes. Looks ready for the beach but is really throwing hands and that's the best kind of outfit, it's a nice expectation subversion tbh. I also like how he tried to hide the Straw hat but not... All of it? And I love how the crew didn't actually question it either. It would have been super easy for one of them to just tell him to leave it behind or something but I do really love how respectful they always are of the hat. I myself have a hat that's super important to me and when I loose it I go mad.

Whole Cake Island: I love this arc for outfits! I swear if the actual content of it doesn't kill me, the act looks will 😭 it's all so magical and it knows it is! Like I said before, white is a good color on him as he has black hair but for the same reason, so is black! In this arcs outfit range, the Staw hat seems almost invisible and his outfit gets less and less 'Luffy' as the arc gose on showing this is not about him. He's not the focus of this arc and you can see that in a lot of the outfits thb. I also like the lack of blue and yellow, 2/3 of his colors as Sanji is often associated with those too as we've talked about before. Also, I like the little red strips on the white jacket with the gold buttons, idk why and I think it's nice that the last 2 outfits are so simple in general, it's a nice look for him. oh, what's that? A Pink jabot? Your killing me Lu, straight up killing me here lil' bro! Side note, is this the first time in canon Luffy has worn a suit jacket or is it the only time I've noticed? Cos DAMM!! Shits sick as fuck and I actually love that when wearing a suit jacket as such he always keep short on 😆

Spa Island, Z's Ambition & Strong World: WHOS READY FOR A RELAXING SUNNY DAAAYY!? (pun not intended but very much enjoyed) I actually adore the fact Luffy still tries to go swimming cos it was his favourite thing to do as a kid so like fuck Luffy is gonna give up on that. He's got his safety measures ready, what more do you want from him? I mean I personally want him not to swim with his hat on cos it's litrally Staw and that's not good for water but anyway Z's Ambition, am I right!? The top is so fucking cute and I just noticed those shorts are also ✨designer✨ fancy man!! Now, the pic of Zoro is the one I missed out before and it's also from Z's Ambition. I love that Luffy has the shark top but Zoro has the ocean shorts. I really love Zoro in this purple cos and thick white stripes really work with the ocean waves. It's really well put together and hes got dark brown sandels on to off set all the white but keep the purple from being a stand out color, it's cool! Than the last Luffy looks like he's at a fashion show. It looks like the shorts come from a kids set the shark top belongs to. Imagine those together, it'd be so cute. However, it isn't an ocean patten, those are clouds cos Nami has a bikini top with the same pattern in Skypiea and it's actually one of my favourites for her.

Boss Luffy Historical Special! This filler AU is so much fun, I think any it a lot. He has his hair up in that super cute and useless way that doesn't actually do much but I do have my hair like that a lot n it's just... nice? Idk, it's strange buy I like he did that. I really enjoy his Kimono more that the actual Wano one cos it's a lot more simple look. The Sai being tucked in in that way is also cool but kinda makes it look like it's stabbing him a bit 👁️👄👁️. I like the pin strips being like a faded purpleish cos if you just glance at it, it makes it look it fuzzy. The belt also looks very nice with the middle ligter bit. It really feels like the Wano one was inspired by this is a way cos of the color matches. Like, it's probably not but still.

3D2Y, Adventure of Nebulandia 😍 & Heart of Gold: Hat-less Luffy is both a sin and a blessing. Regardless, I LOVE OP BOYS IN HOODIES!! I had to show you this specific the 3D2Y because we don't see the hood and it's soooo cute cos it a paw 😍 but also 😬 cos it's like... Kuma's paw the thing that cause 3D2Y in the first place. But that's also why it's so cool at the same time and AHHHHHH 😄 Now! On to Nebulandia! I really like this movie but also in canon, how does he have that jumper? Who made it for him and can I have one? It's Usopp flag design so I guess it could be him but he doesn't seem the type. Point is I want one. Last of this set is some really cosy outfits!! "How much fur?" "Yes" am I right? Like the first one is sooooo cosy with all the fur! Plus, a funky new bamboo hat, always a good thing to have a new hat. I appreciate that you can see the zips on these too. Then the orange turtle neck one with little fluffy bits is just here cos it's so out of his usual looks, I had to at least mention it.

Strong world & Film Z: The shorts on the first one are really cute cos it's a light rosey pink with red fur and just a plain solid dark blue colour jacket works really well. Not to mention the fact he has a super cute orange and yellow flight helmet hat with goggles on under the Staw hat. The 2 bag straps also make an X which is a nice detail. The 2nd outfits in this movie are super fuckin cool ngl. It's so strange to see them all dress in black and have guns but I like the red shirt for him with the yellow highlighted parts. Makes the Straw hat actually work with the outfit instead of ignoring it. Film Z brings us the same flight helmet hat just brighter and without the goggles but also opens with this T-Shirt and Luffy being silly with it. I think that's the only reason to mention it, it's funny. Then the obligation pirate outfit, always stunning plus the meat belt.

Film: Gold & Stampede (also used in Cidre Guild): these are my top 3 Luffy outfits no matter what else I see. I love the straw cowboy hat sooooo much cos it's very Luffy. I like the balls they has as a team to choose white for all of them, considering they are all quite messy people, living for that dad shirt and I like the Golden chain around his neck but am always confused as to why it was never used against him. Like dude could and should have tried to choke him at least once, right? Anyway, the dress! Now, the dress isn't actually that good but it's my favourite because it shows how Luffy has no fucks about gendered things. On to of that, a big pink flower is wonderful and look at his confidences in it, he's so proud of it the boom, Nami told him he can't wear it! Lastly, the Stampede outfit!!! Just like the Nebulandia jumper, I have no idea who made it but it's irrelevant cos it's beautiful and I want it so badly. I like that it's white and red stripes, gives thenprefect vibes for Stampedes opening. The shirt is actually too big for him, you can see on his arms but it's actually super cute. I love the simple look of these shorts then the fact his yellow belt is replaced with white bandages and the black on the kimono sandels are now red? It's such a simple pallet and it's truly the best!

I also just wanna add, I think it's really cute when Luffy has the Straw hat on his back just cos his hair is really cute. Idk why, it's looks kinda cursed but cute at the same time

This post took 2 weeks or so to make and we made listening to the complete BNHA soundtrack, film gold OST and Sonic generations vol.1

Sanji

Zoro

Nami

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

[romanceforransom]

There was a writer!sander fic that i started a little while ago but didn’t know where to go with it. So, I decided to post it here 🤷‍♀️

I might continue it...? idk. but let me know what you think :) 

I ran into my local bookshop, the bell notifying my entrance as I swung open the heavy wooden door.

I had made sure to set my alarm extra early for that morning, giving myself enough time to get there before I had to make my way to work. There was a book that I had been waiting what felt like years for, and I wanted to pick it up as soon as humanly possible.

“Has it come?” I asked excitedly, rushing over to the front desk and locking eyes with an amused Zoë

She was used to my erratic behaviour by now, becoming desensitised to my hyperactive persona that I don whenever a new book comes out.

Not that I do it with every book. Of course, I love most things that come out, burying my nose in anything that I possibly can. But nothing gets me quite as excited as the books by Earthling Oddity.

Nobody knew this unknown author’s real name, or what they looked like. The air of mystery obviously created a lot of hype, gaining them a lot of followers trying to crack the code and reveal the hidden identity. What really made them popular, though, was the magical way they created stories.

I was always completely enraptured by the words written on the pages. Becoming engrossed in the fictional world they created and riding out the waves of emotions that came with the storylines.

They had come out with a new book recently, a new addition to one of their series, and I had been patiently (except not really. Unless pacing up and down the flat and checking my phone constantly for updates was considered as being patient) for it to be delivered to my bookstore.

“It’s here” Zoë replied, sounding amused “I reserved one for you, even though I knew you would be the first one in here today”

She reached underneath the desk and produced the long-awaited book

I stared at it in awe, admiring the bright colours and detailed art on the front cover.

“Wow” I breathed out, smiling

“You looking forward to reading it?”

I tore my eyes away from the book and looked up at her, squinting my eyes slightly “Seriously? I have been counting down the days for this book! Of course, I’m looking forward to finally being one step closer to unravelling the mystery that lies between the pages…”

She chuckled as I lifted my hand to tenderly stroke the front cover “Should I leave you two alone?”

“No, that’s ok” I said, picking it up and placing it gently in my backpack “I have to get going anyway”

“Ok, well keep me updated on it!”

I walked backward towards the door, grinning “Hourly updates are a given”

***

“Why are you carrying your bag so carefully?” Jana asked me curiously as I got to work

I had placed it gently on the ground in the back room with my coat, not wanting to damage the valuable contents lying inside of it.

“Seriously Jana? It’s got the book that I’ve been waiting months for”

Realisation washed over her face. I had been talking her ear off about it for a number of shifts. The amount of information she had actually been listening to and retaining would forever be a mystery, but she let me talk all the time without much judgement so that was the main thing.

“Aah ok, that makes more sense”

I pulled my apron over my head “What did you think was in there?”

She shrugged as she went back to stacking food in the display case “Judging by the way you were handling it, I thought for sure there was a bomb in there”

I shook my head at her amusedly “So your co-worker has a bomb, and you don’t do a thing to stop it? The least you could have done was taken my bag”

“We have a full shift ahead of us, Robbe” she deadpanned “Excuse me for not having much pep right now. I want to move as little as possible and retain the small amount of energy I have stored. Wrestling a bomb from you would probably take everything I had”

“Oh, come on. Shifts here aren’t that bad”

She raised her eyebrows at me “Go out all night drinking before our next shift and then tell me that again”

We both worked at a coffee shop in town. I actually quite enjoyed it. Being able to chat with people and brighten their day with coffee and cakes was a nice feeling.

Of course, it wasn’t something I wanted to do forever. Film making was my passion, the thing that I aspired to do in the future. Maybe even make some adaptations of Earthling’s books. Who knows? But, for now at least, I had to make do with making drinks.

Unlike me, Jana really did not like her job. She liked interacting with the customers, being the social butterfly she is, but the part where she actually had to serve and clean was never really something she enjoyed doing.

If I got paid every time she moaned when cleaning down the tables, there would be no need for this job. I would be rolling in money. She always claimed that it was manual labour, and she was going to sue the company for it. It did make me wonder what she thought would happen when she signed up for the job, but I never dared ask as she was always in a mood. It was best not to make things worse and just nod along.

“So, that book you have” she said “That’s the one with the mystery author, right?”

I nodded “Yep, they use a pen name. Lots of people have obviously tried to step forward and claim to be the author but the real one has yet to be revealed. If they ever will be. Fame isn’t for everyone, so I wouldn’t blame them for keeping hidden and basking silently in the glory of their writing”

“Aren’t you curious about who it is?” she asked me

“Well, yeah” I replied “I have always wondered who it is. I would love to be able to properly give my gratitude to the person that created such wonderful books… but I wouldn’t go out of my way to try and drag someone into the spotlight that doesn’t want to be there”

Many people on the internet have been trying to do exactly that. I have never understood why. Sure, you want to be the one to solve this giant question. But if it involves having to invade someone’s private life and tear down all the security and boundaries, they have built around them in order to remain anonymous, why would you want to do that?

What does revealing a random stranger’s identity add to your life? Nothing. It wouldn’t make you best friends with this person. In fact, you would probably end up as public enemy number one. Snooping in other people’s business isn’t cute, it’s creepy. Especially when they go out of their way to hide it.

The customers began flooding in. People coming in for their takeaway cups of coffee to beat away the morning tiredness. Monday’s were always especially bad. The weekend always wipes people out. Combining that with five days left of work looming over their head, a constant reminder of the seemingly never-ending week ahead of them, anyone would be exhausted.

Then, after a while, I spotted a familiar head of bleach blonde head of hair among the crowd out the corner of my eye.

“Robbe” I heard Jana hiss beside me as I continued making drinks for the awaiting customers “He’s here!”

Sander was a regular at the shop. He would always come in with an easy smile on his face and instantly brighten my day.

He was one of the most beautiful people I had ever laid my eyes on. Not only that, but he was also incredibly kind. Always dishing out compliments and making conversation with us while he patiently waited for his order. He has even defended us a couple of times when customers have been rowdy and impatient during the rush hours. Sander was just an all-round saint.

Jana knew that I had a small crush on him. I never told her outright, but she saw the way my face lit up whenever he was around and joined the dots herself.

I waited until he got to the front of the line and greeted him with a shy smile, trying not to blush like I normally did

“Hey, Robbe!” he said, grinning “How are you this morning?”

“I’m good” I squeaked “Will it be your usual, today?”

Ok, so maybe small crush was a bit of an understatement. He always seemed to make me tongue tied and act like a complete idiot. Which was a great way to act in front of someone you want to impress.

He nodded “You know me so well. Either that or I am in here too often”

“Nonsense!” Jana called to him “We love having you in here, Sander�� some more than others” she muttered under breath, meaning only for me to hear it

As I was making his drink (a chocolate mocha – which was basically just a fancy coffee with chocolate, always with whipped cream on top) he leaned against the counter, making light conversation with Jana and me. He never seemed aware that we were at work and that he might be holding up the queue. Not that there were many of them at that moment. He had come just at the right time, most of the people filing out and going to their jobs.

“So, did that book come that you were talking about?” he asked me

“Um, yeah” I was surprised he remembered. I had made an offhand remark about it a few weeks back. But then, he always did seem to pick up on small details like that often “I got it this morning before I came to work. The first thing I’m going to do when I get out of here is run home to read it”

“Really?” he said, sounding faintly surprised “You are that eager to read it?”

I turned towards him, placing the steaming cup of coffee on the tray next to the croissant Jana got for him.

“Well, I’ve been waiting for it for so long… it takes priority over everything else as far as I’m concerned”

“You know Robbe” Jana said teasingly from beside me, jabbing me lightly in the side “forever a bookworm”

Sander smiled as he picked up the tray from the counter “When I come back, you’ll have to tell me how you’re finding it”

Just as I was about to reply, Jana jumped in “He’ll only have good things to say. He’s obsessed with this author, won’t shut up about them. It’s kind of annoying actually”

He smirked “Maybe I’ll have to check them out”

“You should!” I told him enthusiastically “Their works are amazing. Even if you aren’t really into reading, this person can have you drawn in with just a page of their writing”

“I don’t doubt that, I’m sure you have impeccable taste” Sander said, winking at me

He often did that but even after weeks of seeing it, I was still blown away each time. He always seemed to take my breath away without even trying.

Sander made his way over to a table, placing his tray down and taking out his small black notebook as normal. It was his daily routine and moved like clockwork every time. I don’t think there has been a single day he has come in when he hasn’t been scribbling away dedicatedly in there, pen moving furiously across the paper.

I was always curious about what he was doing in it, but never dared ask. It could be something deeply personal and private, I wouldn’t want to invade his comfort zone like that.

He was in his own world when he wrote. As soon as the book was opened it was like a protective bubble opened up around him, blocking out anyone and everything from his work. If we wanted to ask if he wanted a refill or anything else to eat, it would take a few tries to get his attention. Sander manages to block it out so easily.

Although it was a similar thing when I read. It was like escaping to another realm where nobody could reach you. Like a haven that you could take shelter in and escape from all your problems, if only for a short amount of time.

[bluebellhairpin]

As We Can

Thor Odinson X Immortal!Reader

A/N: Am I doing another self-projection fic? Yes. Do I want to get the point across that I love you, no matter what you look like, and I will help you take care of yourself? Hell yes. Some of my closest companions are on the chunky side. I would kill for them. - Nemo

Warning(s): Idk but there’s a hell of a lot of talk about self-worth, and hence self-love. So talk about Insecurities, character Death (very brief - Loki hoes might cry), Angst, but also a buttload of f l u f f ! 

Summary: We all need to give ourselves some care sometimes. Thor is one of those people, so you give him a little help - and sometimes that comes in a many few different ways; words, music, flower crowns. 

Masterlist  

[Gif was a Google find since Tumblr tags don’t have the representation. Creds to the maker, we love your work!] 

Saying you’d lived for a long time was the understatement of the century. 

You’d lived through too many natural disasters to count - Mount Vesuvius one of the more memorable of such disasters - plus hundreds of wars, and as many ‘collenizations’ of ‘new worlds’ to poke a stick at - not to mention the sicknesses that passed by as well. 

By now you were pretty damn tired of it all. 

But then, on top of everything, you could add something that had never happened before. In much more recent years, Earth had taken to being invaded by aliens. The first and most obvious was that of the Chitauri in New York. The most recent was Thanos and his Army in Upstate New York. 

By this point in your life, you’d started to become ‘exposed’. As most immortals do, over time you showed up in different photographs and paintings over the years, and with access to anything from one place - a.k.a the internet - some started to put things together. 

You even had your own online conspiracy club. You were proud of that. 

While it didn’t exactly bother you, you could see it causing some problems in the future - especially if you showed up in more places more often. So you made a decision. You needed to get off Earth. 

Luckily, timing then had you neatly close to Tønsberg, having watched the events of Thanos’ newest attack on the news in your hotel room in Oslo, you fast-tracked your journey there - to ‘New Asgard' - forward a week. 

There you sought out Thor, and through him a passage off into space. 

__________

Days, if not weeks passed - honest to god by now you couldn’t tell the difference - and while he was in no way the worst person to hang around, Thor was acting off. 

You’d never met him before your of-hand trip to space, but you had seen him on the news, online, and in papers. He was nothing like he was then, now. 

If you’d learn one thing in your age-less life it was that everyone needs a cause, a purpose. You’d spent the last three-hundred years - at least - devoting yourself to different causes, including the two World Wars, and it was clear to you that Thor currently did not have one.

So you decided to help him find it. 

Naturally you started with the subtle things. Being on a ship full of delinquents, also known as ex-space criminals, subtlety wasn’t always the best bet if you wanted something. Especially when it came to Drax. Hints went over his head like a frisbee in a hurricane - but you figured Thor wouldn’t be that… Unwittingly ignorant. 

By the time a couple days passed you had your answer. 

He was that unwittingly ignorant.

You didn't know how anyone else felt, but you knew it went a bit deeper than what others might’ve thought.  __________

“Thor, may I pull you aside for a moment?” you asked, appearing behind the Asgardian as the ship floated lazily through space outside. 

He jumped slightly, completely unaware of his surroundings, but nodded in agreement once he saw it was ‘just you’. Luckily no one else was around this part of the ship, either opting to rest or oversee Peter up in the cockpit. 

You fiddled with your sleeve, eyeing Thor as he settled in one of the seats across the room. You decided then and there to not beat around.

“Are you okay?” His eyes snapped up to yours, being me with your ever-so-slight scowl. 

“Am I okay?” he asked, scoffing out a laugh, “I am fine, why? Why wouldn’t I be?” 

You turned your head, taking a couple steps forward. 

“I can tell if you are, or if you aren’t.” He rolled his eyes at that, crossing his arms and pulling up his guard. “Do you remember what I told you, back on earth when I asked to come with you here?” you asked softer, gesturing to the ship and the stars outside.

He grumbled, rubbing at his eye and ruffling his hair before staring at you expectantly.

“I promised I could help.” 

“Look at you, how the hell could you help?”

“I am almost two thousand years old, Thor Odinson. If I know anything it’s how to help you.” He kept his eyes on you, watching as you dragged a chair out and sat in front of him. You took in a deep breath, searching his body language for any signs that meant he didn’t want you to continue.

“Are you really that old?” he asked, leaning towards you slightly.

“Aye, that I am,” you nodded, “Was born in Ancient Rome. The first notable event I lived though was when I was about ten, word spread around about that volcano erupting - not that we knew what it was back then.” you smiled little at the memory, looking down at your hands sadly. 

Apparently he wasn’t too bad a reading body language either. 

“No one else was like you, though - being able to live forever. Were they?” You shook your head no, and he hummed. “Maybe then we could help each other?” 

“Sure thing Sparky.”  ___________

You’d been working together with Thor for a good couple months, and in between searching for Gamora with the Guardians, and - in your opinion - hopelessly looking for Loki too, you thought Thor was doing much better.

He was less recluse, took care of himself a little more, and backed off Peter’s leadership a little (the latter may have been barely noticeable). Even if those things all came under your urging, you still counted them as steps forward. 

Anything positive, no matter how small, was still positive.

“(y/n)!” Thor boomed, rattling you from your bunk in the ship, “Are you ‘Holding out for a Hero’?” 

Nebula and Mantis poked their heads out from the bunk above you, ceasing their game of Paper Football to watch for your reply. You rolled your eyes, sliding off your comfy spot to lumber out to Thor.

“Pardon?” Thor cleared his throat as he held out Peter’s Zune. 

“This song speaks of a hero. Do you need one?” You took the player from Thor, scrunching up your nose at the 80’s song. 

“Not currently, but if I do you’d be the first person I’d call for, you can count on that.” you said, scrolling through the song list, looking for a song you preferred more. You missed the proud grin that reached Thor’s face. 

“There,” you pressed ‘Hold the Line’, and tried shooing him off so you could get back to your cozy corner, “Try that one Sparky.” 

“Much thanks.” He said, turning off with the device in his hands. You made it back to the doorway and watched him go.

Thank goodness Peter wasn’t here, otherwise he would’ve snatched that thing from Thor even before he got hold of it. __________

The planet you’d stopped on to replenish supplies was one of the most Earth-Like ones you’d seen since you left Earth. The only major difference was the inhabitant’s fashion choices, and the large array of flowers - they were literally everywhere.

If Rocket hadn’t  latched onto Groot’s shoulder the moment they stepped off-ship, you’d probably have lost the humanoid among the greenery.

“Great Zeus.” You breathed, slight disbelief at the sheer amount of flowers. 

“Who is ‘Great Zeus’?” Mantis asked, you cast a glance back at her.

“Um, basically him,” you pointed at Thor, “But much older, and more horny.” 

“You are going to be more horny when you are older,” Drax said, clapping Thor on the shoulder, “Congratulations!” 

“I meant a -” you stopped yourself, snickering, “- Nevermind.” You step off into the crowds and mazes of flowers, not waiting for Thor - your ‘Supply Buddy’ - to catch up. It never took him long anyway.

“Is Zeus one of your ‘Roman Gods’?” Thor asked, sidling up beside you as you maneuvered around the crowds.

“Nope. Zeus is Greek. In Roman his name is Jupiter.” 

“And in Norse he is Thor.” he said. You looked up at him, cracking a smile. 

“Mhm, I think I prefer Thor over Jupiter or Zeus though.” you said, eyeing a patch of flowers that was inhabited by a small crowd - and they were making flower crowns. 

Thor had no choice but to follow you as you made yourself comfortable among the multi coloured blooms - distracted and off task as ever. But he made no effort to join you, standing off to the side instead. 

You eyed him as you pulled a few flowers into your hand, weaving them together in the same way you remember your mother doing a hundred lifetimes ago. Patting the spot next to you, you grinned.

“Come over here Sparky.” you said, flicking your eyes down to the flower patch to pick a few more. “I need to make sure this fits.” 

You weren’t taking a no. The nickname you gave him in itself spoke volumes. 

He came over, slumping down beside you in the sunlight. You made quick work of the flowers, tying them together neatly before laying it atop Thor’s half pulled-away hair. It fit perfectly. 

“A crown fit for a king, I’d say.” 

“Pity I’m not much of a king.” he said, reaching a hand up to play with some of the petals.

“‘Ζώμεν γαρ ού ως θέλομεν, αλλ’ ως δυνάμεθα’.” you blurted, not once breaking your stare at Thor. His eyes widened, then moved to looking very confused, so you translated. “‘We live, not as we wish to, but as we can’. A Greek Dramatist said that. It was one of the few phrases we knew it greek, and our father taught it to us. He always implored us to do our own best, not the best anyone else can do.” 

All the while you explained, you weaved together another crown, one slightly smaller than the first, yet still almost identical. Tying it off, you sat it on your own head.

“Our best can sometimes be a lot, or a little even if we wish it to be a lot. But it doesn’t matter. Our best is still our best.” Thor looked between your crown, and your eyes. 

“I don’t think it’s that easy.” 

“Because it takes practice.” you plucked another flower, this time sticking it in his beard. “No one gets everything right the first time. Yet everyone does do their best at the time of their first time. Accepting that they did their best - that’s what they struggle with.” 

You poked in more flowers into his beard - your words seemed to plunge him into deep thought - he made no effort  to stop you, if he even noticed. 

After a time, he looked down at your hands, still piling flowers into his flower-filled beard, and smiled lightly.

“How about you make some for the other Asguardians of the Galaxy.” 

“Flower crowns?”

“Yes,” he grinned, “Your best ones.”

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

No Courage - Ryan Seaman x Reader

Summary: Dallon insisted on throwing Ryan’s birthday party at the Weeke’s place, when all Ryan really wanted was to spend some time with you

Reader: female implied? idk, no pronouns, i think...

Warnings: alcohol consumption

Word count: 5 031

A/N: as promised and several days late: the Ryan Seaman birthday story. Also can someone tell me what’s up with me writing for a Ryan, the story being 4000+ words and the couple ending up cuddling on a sofa? I just think it’s perfect.

Ryan was not entirely convinced by the idea to celebrate his birthday at Dallon’s house. He kept insisting that since it was his birthday, you all should celebrate at his place, mainly because secretly he had hoped for a calm evening with some of his closest friends, who he could discreetly ask to leave around midnight in order to get some extra time just alone with you. Because let’s be honest: every time you were invited over to his place, you stayed and helped clean up. Even though he probably would not manage to be honest enough with you to tell you why exactly he loved having you over so much, he would still have you all to himself for a little while longer.

But now this plan had been foiled by Dallon, who had decided Ryan’s birthday should best be celebrated at his house. Sadly, Dallon’s arguments were better than Ryan’s. The Weekes’ living room was huge and offered lots of space for many people, way more people than would have fit into Ryan’s entire flat, and this way it had been possible to invite a lot more of his friends. Also, since the house was separated from the neighbouring houses by the garden that framed the property, they would be able to turn up the music as loud and for as long as they liked, whereas in Ryan’s flat they would need to be quiet after ten pm.

Eventually Ryan had given into Dallon’s plan, allowing Dallon to throw the birthday party for him. And so he ended up in the passenger seat of Dallon’s car, at the evening of his birthday, with you in the backseat, as he got picked up for his own party. Dallon was focusing on the street, some quiet music flowing from the speakers as the lights of the city passed by outside. He smiled as you leant forward, poking your head to the front between Dallon’s and Ryan’s seats, and pointed to one of the buildings that was coming closer, randomly dropping a fact about the building’s history.

Just a few minutes later Dallon pulled into the driveway of his home. Since it was already dark outside, you saw colourful lights skipping around inside, reminding you Dallon had spent almost the entire morning installing some party lights at the ceiling. A balloon was stuck to the front door.

In the house a lot of people already waited for Ryan to finally arrive. He was welcomed with cheers and hugs, and Awsten insisted all of you needed to sing “Happy Birthday”. After Dallon and Breezy had made sure everyone had drinks in their hands, and knew where the buffet was, people started spreading around the huge living room and the kitchen.

While you knew most of Ryan’s friends, you were not really close with any of them other than Dallon, Awsten and Josh. But as your luck wanted, they were all busy talking to someone already, so you snuck to your favourite armchair in the Weekes’ household, and sat down at the edge of the crowd, watching them.

You had never really minded being the one at the side lines. From the people in the room, you were one of the few who was not a musician or in a relationship with one. Sometimes meeting with all of them felt like stepping into an entirely different world. Occasionally it made you lonely, because you felt left out, but at the same time you knew you were basically Ryan’s best friend, and even if that did not allow you to be as close to him as you would have liked, it was still a huge honour. Even if it meant receiving phone calls from him at 2am, waking you up, in order to talk to you about music or whatever was on his mind.

You looked across the room, where Ryan was playfully boxing someone in the arm. His hair had grown longer over the past months, as long as it had not been in years. He had absolutely no right to look as soft as he did right now. Brown strands were falling in his face, and his eyes were squeezed together from smiling so hard. You absolutely loved seeing him this cheerful and carefree, so you allowed yourself to watch him a moment longer.

Across the room, Breezy’s and Dallon’s glance wandered from Ryan to you, and back.

“What if we just say we’re renovating the guest room,” Breezy asked quietly.

“Have them share the sofa?”

She nodded. “I mean, they are absolutely blind about each other’s feelings, but sleeping on the same couch should maybe get them somewhere, don’t you think?”

“Better than having one sleeping on the sofa, and the other in the guest room anyway,” Dallon agreed.

“Good, I’ll just quickly lock that room,” Breezy said, leant up to kiss Dallon’s cheek, and hurried off.

In the meantime Dallon was stuck watching how you turned away from observing Ryan, and instead scanned the room again. The second your eyes had left him, Ryan turned his head, and gazed over to where you were sitting. This was ridiculous. Everyone, literally everyone, knew that Ryan and you liked each other, and it was driving Dallon absolutely crazy that you both were too blind to realize it, or too scared to admit it.

A couple of hours later, music was blaring from the speakers in the living room. The couch and armchairs, as well as the couch table had been pushed to the side to make space for people to dance, an opportunity most were taking. The amazing birthday cake, which Breezy and you had spent all morning baking, had been eaten almost completely, and only two small pieces on a plate on the kitchen table were waiting to be eaten by some hungry party guests.

After you had pulled yourself together a couple of minutes after arriving, you had socialised a lot, and talked to almost everyone at the party. But now you had gone back to standing in a corner, watching our friends dancing through the room. Laughing you witnessed as Dallon swirled Breezy around before he dipped her, making he giggle. Some of the others were dancing in pairs as well, the rest jumping around on their own or in little groups.

“M’lady.” Surprised you turned to find Josh offering you his hand. “Care for a dance?”

Laughing you shook your head.

“I suck at dancing,” you answered, speaking loudly enough so he could hear you over the music.

“So do I,” he shrugged, still offering you his hand.

Smiling, you rolled your eyes and placed your right hand in the left hand he held out to you, allowing him to lead you a little further into the room. Turning to you, he grabbed your hand a little tighter, and placed the other on your waist, swaying a little to the beat, and striking up a conversation. Most of the time he was hard to understand over the loud music, but you caught enough of what he was saying to chat with him.

You remembered having danced with him before, at one or two other parties, and how it had always been so relaxed and fun. He was not holding you too tight, not standing too close, he did not spin you around so much as that you would get dizzy nor did he spin you so little as that it would get boring. In fact you had simply fun dancing with him.

But still you could not help but wonder what it would be like to dance with Ryan instead of Josh. You had never danced with Ryan before, at least not in the way Josh was dancing with you now; and you probably would not be so relaxed about it, always feeling like you were behaving clumsily.

Ryan in the meantime had been talking to some old band mates of his, but when they went to grab another drink, and he had turned around, his eyes searching the room for your face as always, and he had found you were not standing in the corner anymore. Confused he looked around before he spied you dancing, with Josh. You were smiling and laughing at something Josh had said, and Ryan could not help but feel a sting of jealousy in his chest as well as his stomach clenching together.

He knew Josh had no interest in you, not romantically. But what if you were interested in Josh? After all he was an amazing guy, who even asked you to dance. It annoyed Ryan that he had not been the one to ask for a dance with you first. He had thought about it, and then always pushed the thought aside, hoping he would find the courage later. And now you were dancing with someone else.

What if you started liking Josh? Maybe it was stupid to think you would fall in love with someone just because of a dance, but then again Ryan had realised he was in love with you because you had smelled on some rose bush while you were on your way walking home back from some gig, and had asked him to smell the roses too, holding the stem of the flower so he had it easier. For Ryan that had been the moment he had realised he was in love with you. Maybe he should have said it then and there on the spot, confessing his feelings with the sweet smell of these pink roses in his nose under the yellow light of some street lantern, a couple of blocks away from your home. But he had not.

Instead he knew that sometimes it were the little things that made people realise their feelings; so if dancing with Josh made you realise you had feelings for him? Ryan did not want you to have feelings for Josh, he wanted you to have feelings for him. Not that he could change much about it once it happened, but he felt annoyed anyway. If only he had asked for a dance with you first, but no, he had been too embarrassed.

Downing the last sip of his drink, Ryan decided it would probably be okay if he asked for a dance with you once the song after the next was over. But as if a higher power was desperate to make him stick to his unspoken promise, Josh let go of you by the end of the song that was playing, and even though Ryan could not understand what was being said, it looked like Josh wanted to fetch a drink as well.

Without much of his consent, Ryan’s feet started carrying him through the room and past several of his friends, while the next song started playing, and before he was fully aware what happened, he stood in front of you, holding out his hand.

“Would you like to dance?”

Ryan’s eyes were almost black in the dimly lit room, only the flickering, colourful spots of the party lights ghosted over his face. His expression was almost unreadable, but he seemed nervous.

“I-“ Surprised you stared up at him. Had you not just fantasised about this, about dancing with Ryan? Why were you hesitating? Smiling shyly, you nodded. “I’d like to.”

Uncertainly you placed your hand in his, noticing how warm his fingers were as they closed around yours. Slowly he pulled you closer to him, close enough so he could put his free hand on your waist, just like Josh had done earlier. Why did it suddenly feel like you had never danced with anyone before? Hesitantly you placed your hand on his upper arm, not daring to meet his eyes, and allowed him to guide you into a swaying motion.

Damnit, you had been right earlier when you had thought about how you would be far too nervous while dancing with Ryan to enjoy anything. Luckily Ryan seemed too focused on himself, careful not to step on your feet or bump you into anyone, to notice your slightly-off behaviour.

When the song ended Ryan made no attempt to let go of you hand, which caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach.

Luckily, both Ryan and you started relaxing over the next few songs, while he made sure never to let go of your hand. He had pulled you a little closer now, his one hand on the small of your back, the other gently holding yours, as he danced with you, spinning you out occasionally, when it fit the spirit of the song, making both of you laugh in the process.

And when the next slow song came on, he stepped even closer, so close in fact that his chest was pressed against yours now. He snuck his arm around your waist, and when you shyly gazed up at him in a mixture of surprise and adoration, you found he was already looking at you. His expression was soft, and a smile pulled at his lips as he watched your features. A strand of his hair dangled into his eyes, and following an impulse, you reached up to brush it away.

Was he blushing? It was hard to tell in the dim light. He definitely smiled a little wider, his eyes not leaving yours for a second. It felt like you were losing yourself in them, every second you did not turn to look away felt like he was staring deeper and deeper into your soul, making your heart beat a little faster, and making you fall a little deeper in love with him. The world around you fell into the background, and everything but him stopped mattering. You would have done a lot to make this moment last forever.

But later, and you were not even sure how or when, you ended up sitting on the carpet in the living room. Most of the other guests were gone already, leaving only your hosts Dallon and Breezy with Awsten, Josh, Ryan and you behind. The flickering party light had been turned off, and instead two small lamps on the wall shed warm, yellow light into the room. The playlist had been switched from upbeat songs you could dance to, to calm piano music.

Someone had prepared a cocktail for you, a mojito with a little bit too much lime for your taste. The glass stood by your side on the carpet, while your hands combed through the soft, brown hair of the drummer whose head was resting in your lap now. How Ryan had ended up there? No idea. But he lazily held a glass with his favourite cocktail balanced on his chest. It was not his first cocktail, and you were pretty sure someone at some point had just handed him a new one without him asking for it, but it really did not matter. Not when you were sitting on the soft carpet in your friend’s living room, comfortably dizzy and slightly tipsy from the drinks you had had over the course of the evening, with the man you had admired and even loved for the past years resting in your lap.

Ryan’s head was turned to the centre of the circle of people, and he laughed quietly at something that had been said. It was pretty late at night already, you realised with a glance at the clock. Your eyes felt heavy and your brain like palp, which was not only due to the alcohol, but also to being tired.

For literally hours you sat on that carpet, talking to the others, and weaving your hands through Ryan’s hair, ignoring your heavy eyelids. Ryan only moved to take a sip from his cocktail every once in a while, and sometimes his eyes met yours, making him smile before he tore his gaze away again.

By the time both Josh and Awsten decided to go home, you felt stiff from sitting for so long, and laughing Ryan helped you up, pulling a little too hard, and causing you to bump into him. Quickly he wrapped his arms around you, and held you in place, nuzzling his nose into your hair while hugging you. When he pulled away, you found Dallon was waiting to talk to you.

“Ahm… we’re kinda renovating the guest room right now, so… I guess, you’ll have to share the sofa,” he explained, with a gesture towards the piece of furniture. “You don’t mind cuddling a little closer, do you?”

Even though you had been pleasantly sleepy before, suddenly you were wide awake. Share the sofa with Ryan? Not that you would mind, but never in a thousand years would Ryan agree on-

“I don’t mind,” he shrugged, still standing so close to you that you felt the movement of his shoulders, “what about you?”

Curiously he looked down to you, but you just quickly nodded your head, agreeing on the suggestion, while at the same time you wondered what the hell you were getting yourself into.

After Awsten and Josh had called cabs and left, Breezy carried a couple of pillows and a blanket down to the living room. Dallon had pulled out the cushions of the backrest, allowing more space on the sitting cushions for Ryan and you to sleep on. After you had quickly prepared the makeshift bed, Dallon and Breezy bid you good night, and went upstairs to their bed room, leaving Ryan and you alone.

Somehow you could not help but feel like you were more nervous about the whole situation than Ryan. He just grabbed the bag with his pyjama, and started taking off his shirt of. Quickly you turned away, feeling slightly embarrassed, as if you would have invaded his privacy, even though it had been him who had just started undressing.

Grabbing your own bag, you excused yourself to the bathroom, where you dressed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for the night, and quickly brushed your teeth before returning to the living room, where Ryan had put on some sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.

He was sitting on the edge of the sofa, a glass of water in hand, and looked up at you with an unreadable expression. The thought shot through your mind of how wonderful it would be, if you were to see him more often like this, comfortably dressed in a pyjama, waiting for you to come to bed. Little did you know he was thinking the exact same thing.

“I’ll go brush my teeth too,” he mumbled, and got up quickly, grabbing his tooth brush, and walked past you to the bathroom.

Looking around you noticed there were still some of the cocktail glasses standing around, so you carried them into the kitchen, placing them next to the sink. You felt weirdly sobered up already, and with a look to the clock you realised it was no surprise; it was almost 5am, and you had finished your last cocktail at around 3.

When you walked back to the living room, you tilted a window to let in some fresh air, and turned off all of the lamps that was still burning but one, leaving just enough light to find one’s way around the room.

A few moments later Ryan returned from the bathroom. A shy smile was on his lips, as he packed away his tooth brush again.

“Do you want to sleep against the backrest or at the edge,” he asked, while clipping his backpack shut.

“I don’t care, rather at the edge,” you decided, “if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t,” he smiled, and crawled on the sofa, scooting as close to the backrest as possible to make space for you.

Nervously you noticed that even like this there was not much room, especially not if you were trying not to invade his personal bubble. Actually this would be impossible, you realised.

Deciding to ignore that problem, you laid down next to him, allowing him to pull the blanket Breezy had brought, over the two of you.

“Do you have enough blanket,” he wondered, tucking around at the fabric, trying to make sure you were comfortably covered.

“I have plenty,” you reassured him, pulling it a little bit around your arm to demonstrate. “You too?”

“Yeah,” he hummed, “can I turn of the light?” He turned his head just enough to be able to look at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Sure,” you agreed, nodding and cuddling a little deeper into the pillow.

With a click the lights turned off, and you were engulfed by darkness. Now that you could not see anymore, your other senses appeared heightened. Outside the window a cricket was chirping, the fridge was humming in the kitchen, and Ryan was breathing right by your side. The pillow and the blanket smelled of an unfamiliar laundry detergent, and the fabric was a little ridged, probably from drying outside in the sun. For a while you lay in the dark, eyes open. Through the room you noticed the small red light of the turned off TV. You knew you should try to catch some sleep, but with Ryan so close next to you, you were far too distracted.

All of a sudden when you had almost been sure Ryan would have fallen asleep by now, he spoke up.

“(y/n)?”

You hummed quietly, signalling him you were awake.

For a moment there was silence, before he continued.

“I know this is a weird moment, and maybe really unfitting, but I’m tired enough and maybe still tipsy enough to have the courage to say this, but I really, really like you.”

Your eyes grew wider in surprise, not that it would have allowed you to see any more in the dark room, and Ryan could not see your reaction either. Your heart started hammering, and your breath grew quicker, as you turned your head to the side, trying to see Ryan’s face through the dark. He was lying on his back, facing up to the ceiling. A tiny reflection gave away that his eyes were open.

“Actually,” he stopped, “no, scrap that. Fuck, I’ve been in love with you for so long and I’m just scared to tell you how I feel, and too awkward to show you subtly, and definitely not the type who could sweep you off your feet with his charms, but… I just figured we had a lot of fun tonight, dancing and talking and… it all meant so much to me. Like… I know Josh danced with you first, because I was too much of a coward, and I’m really glad you two get along, but I kinda don’t want you to like him more than as just a friend, because I like you more than as just a friend, and I know that just because I want it, doesn’t change anything if you don’t feel the same way for me but… yeah, I know it’s awkward and weird, because you’re actually my best friend, and it’s kind of a real asshole move of me to tell you this while we’re supposed to sleep next to each other when you’ve got nowhere to go but… you know? Before my courage leaves me and all.”

You listened to him, allowed him to spill all his thoughts. It felt weirdly liberating to hear him talk about his emotions, so naïvely honest from lack of sleep. He was saying all the things you had dreamt of hearing him say for so long, and you could not help but smile when he talked about Josh. You wanted him to know that it was okay that he had hesitated to ask you for a dance; wanted to assure him that just because he told you in this weird situation of lying next to you in the dark, you were not mad with him; wanted to laugh at him because of course you did not like Josh more than you liked him; wanted to let him know that you could understand why he had never mentioned anything before. After all, neither had you. But you were too overwhelmed by his confession. This was something you definitely had not seen coming at all, so you were left entirely speechless.

Once you had finally processed his words, you turned to lie on your side. He was still staring up to the ceiling, and flinched in surprise as he felt your soft hand brush against his cheek. Slowly he turned his head to look at you.

“So what do you think,” he wondered, as if asking for your opinion on his feelings.

In the little light it was hard to make out his face, but the way you knew him, you supposed he was furrowing his brows a little.

“Can you kiss me?”

Your words were so quiet that you were not sure if you had even spoken them, not to mention whether Ryan had heard them, especially because for a few seconds he did not move.

When he did, he pushed himself up, supporting his weight on his elbow, and looked at you confused.

“What,” he asked weakly, his expression hidden in the dark.

“Just thought it would make sense, you know, if you like me and I like you…” you explained quietly, suddenly feeling almost ashamed for your boldness.

“No. No, no, no, (y/n), you- you don’t understand,” Ryan protested. “I don’t just like you, I… I’ve been thinking about you every night before falling asleep for… years, probably, I lost count. I don’t just like you. I love you. I love you as my best friend, and I love you as so much more than that. And I don’t want you to just kiss me because you like me, because I’m your friend. I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings, but I don’t think I can, or want to, kiss you without you feeling this way too. I just wanted you to know how I –“

You silenced him with a finger to where you assumed his lips were, an apparently you had aimed correctly.

“I wouldn’t ask my best friend to kiss me if I wouldn’t have been in love with him for ages, don’t worry,” you defended, trying to see his reaction in the dark, but failing.

For a moment there was absolute silence, even the fridge seemed to have quieted down all of a sudden. And before you even realised what happened, Ryan had grabbed the wrist of your hand that was reaching up to his face, and had pinned it next to your head, while he leant down, and crashed his lips against yours, finding them even in the dark.

At first it seemed like all air was knocked out of your lungs before you remembered how to breathe again. You turned slightly so you were on your back, Ryan leaning over you, his fingers intertwining with yours from the hand he had grabbed, while he used the other to keep himself propped up over you. Your free hand had wrapped into his nape, weaving into the hair and holding him close. He tasted of toothpaste and orange liquor from the drink earlier, maybe even still a bit of alcohol, all of it strange and intoxicating and so much more than you could have ever imagined. His lips were a dry, but still soft, like the skin on his neck and the hair that wrapped around your fingers. Ryan’s breath was uneven, just like your own, and you could feel his heart beat against your chest in sync with yours.

His kisses were urgent and passionate, as if he could not believe what was happening, as if he had to take as much of the moment as possible should it turn out not to be real. And if you were quite honest, you too felt like you could not believe it. Soon enough he nibbled at your lower lip, asking you wordlessly to open your mouth for him. You complied, earning a quiet sigh from him as he kissed you deeper. Like a lightning the sound went through your body, and a feeling of pride and satisfaction settled in your chest, realising it was just because of you that he had made that little sound.

All too soon your mind was a dizzy mess, and no matter how addicting and intoxicating Ryan’s kisses were, you needed a break. Turning your head slightly, you broke the kiss, but instead of pulling away immediately, Ryan pressed a short kiss against your cheek and then against your jaw, before he brushed his nose against yours, and leant back a little, settling at your side. Since it was so dark, it was hard to make out the details of his face, but you could see the smile that spread over his features. It was the kind of smile he was not even aware he carried, making it all the more beautiful.

For a while you just looked at each other, your eyes finally growing a little more used to the darkness around you, allowing seeing more details; the crinkles around his eyes, the dimples on his cheeks, the hair that fell into his forehead. Slowly his eyes started falling closed, no matter how hard he tried to stay awake, blinking again and again, and you too felt overwhelming tiredness pull you towards sleep.

“Can we cuddle,” he asked suddenly, his eyes already closed. It was a strange question, because you were already snuggled into his side with his arm wrapped around you.

Not answering, you scooted as close as possible, and hugged him around his middle. Immediately, as if he had done it a thousand times already, and in his mind he probably had, he tightened his embrace around you, pulling you so close that your bodies were pressed against each other. His forehead was gently resting against yours, and as he pressed a short kiss to your lips again, you could feel how he smiled, causing you to smile a little brighter as well, before you shuffled around to lay more comfortably, and fell asleep in his arms.

Taglist (if you want to be added or taken off, please let me know):

General: @recommendedattheprice  @robinruns @jayloverthe3rd @lookalivefrosty @butterflycore @starduststyx @angelevansfalls @vamp-void

[planetjisungie]

lucky charms- h.rj

characters; ravenclaw! renjun x hufflepuff! reader ft. gryffindor! mark and gryffindor! jeno (sigh)

summary; with the exams coming up, you need a little help with your charms. well you dont, you just needed an excuse to talk to your long time crush, huang renjun

an; i literally changed this on the spot 🤡 plot holes here i come- (also id like to think jeno is more of a hufflepuff but idk man)

sigh okay this is a long boi

end of year exams were in just a few weeks

yay, your absolute favourite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sarcasm

now, charms

in room 99, classroom 2E in the south tower

i did my research

you were pretty good at charms, not nearly as good as you were in the care of magical creatures and herbology though

still above averagely good

you know who else was good at charms?

huang renjun

the star ravenclaw prince boy, the pride of the house and a very beautiful boy

best boi renjun

if jeno was being quite honest he was SICK AND TIRED of hearing you two pine over eachother

jeno met you in first year, and you quickly became best friends and even ended up in the same house as eachother

despite having different friend groups (your friend group consisted of you and eunji), you stayed best friends until now aka 5th year

just go with it okay

so as he was saying before i digressed, jeno physically is pained as he watched the longing glances both you and renjun throw when the other isnt looking

but it isnt his business to meddle with your lack of relationship problems

best boi part 2

BUT! but! he will give you both a tiny! eensy! little! minuscule! nudge

that nudge being forming a plan with you

you were slightly reluctant when jenos very enthusiastic face greeted you at the table saying he had ‘a totally brilliant, spectacular, show stopping, wonderful, flawless plan’

this was jeno we were talking about

the same boy who planned the failed midnight snack run a few weeks before

and as soon as he mentioned renjun your eyes narrowed

"proceed."

the plan was for jeno to ask renjun to tutor his friend who was falling behind in charms

said friend was you

and you were ahead of the class

bUT!! you agreed because he wasnt in your class, so there was no way he could know that right?

wrong.

who was in your class?

mark lee. one of renjuns best friends.

also the boyfriend of eunji and the reason you wanted to gauge your eyeballs out everytime you turned around to talk to them

thats right eunji ditched you to sit next to her little markie. bitch.

nonetheless, you agreed because your dumb, spontaneous ass forgot that renjun even knew mark, because if someone said ‘whos mark?’ you would go ‘eunjis boyfriend’

so of course, when all the students were making their way to their class, jeno caught up with renjun seeing as they both had muggle studdies

"hey man, i have a favour to ask"

stage one of operation: stop the oblivious fuckers from pining over eachother (that name may need some revamping) was a-go

"depends what said favour is"

smart boi™️

"is it possible to tutor one of my friends in charms for the upcoming OWLs?"

oh? this piqued china pretty boys interest

"i mean, sure, i could do with some revision too. tell them to meet me at the library after school"

and so jeno walked away with a smug smirk, victorious

and when jeno told you he had agreed later in potions, you were yet you werent surprised

so of you trotted after last period, kinda nervous because youre about to be in the literal breathing proximity of renjun

like obviously youve talked to him before but this time it was just you and him

alone

no get those thoughts out of your head

n e ways u perv

renjun sat at the back table, textbooks and notebooks with his neat writing in both chinese and korean all over the pages

smart boi part 2

so seeing him not looking at you

attention whore

wow why am i so mean today

you sat down and cleared your throat, placing your blank notebooks on the table so the boy wouldnt get suspicious

you had to pray to whatever gods were listening for your cheeks not to flare up the colour of the strawberries you had for breakfast

healthy girl™️

and the gods apparently answered your prayers

because as soon as renjun looked up and into your eyes you swore you were too distracted for your blood cells to even think about moving towards your face

and renjun nearly had a heart attack (by aoa)

poor boy

jeno had NOT told him that he would be tutoring you

he was going to be choked later

"sorry im late"

renjun was nearly offended that you would even apologise to him for being late by

2 minutes and 48 seconds

"no no its okay i havent been here long"

that was a lie he had study period last and has been sat in the same goddamn chair for an hour already but your presence made his ass cheeks ache less

so he started teaching you, but ???

you seemed to fully grasp the concepts

confused boi

excuse me ma’am/sir/señor/señorita whatever you prefer to go by-

you need to brush up on your acting skills dude

appalling smh your drama teacher back from your muggle school would be completely distraught

so for the next hour renjun ‘tutored’ you

things you already knew but this was a dream-

and actually he was a funny guy

he was also muggle born, so you could both relate over things you experienced as a kid

this lead to a raging debate over dora the explorer

that bitch was shaded in said debate, fully annihilated

hola soy dora your asshole

but,, it was fun. because jeno was pureblood and grew up knowing about all his magicky stuff so he was kinda boring sometimes

no tea no shade

but you ended the session with smiles on both your faces, cheeks literally aching with how hard youd been laughing and smiling

so lads

the next day at breakfast renjun was all happy, plonking himself next to mark at the gryffindor table because

man does not give a SHIT about the looks he was getting. he is huang renjun.

"why are you so smiley this morning? and why didn’t you come to my common room last night"

the gryffindor common room was the dreamie hang out

no one dared tell THE mark lee to go somewhere else with his friends

"sorry, last night i was tutoring y/n in charms" smiley boy still

mark seagull eyebrows: activated

excuse him?? charms?? you?? the one who got an outstanding in your report card??

something smells fishy here

"renjun... y/n got an outstanding on her charms"

eunji who had magically appeared next to mark basically said what he was just thinking

confused boi part ??

"wait what?"

but later on he didnt question you about it

he silently observed you

he told himself that anyway

quite honestly if you were spending time with him he was not about to complain

he was staring at you, simply put

my leng bby (thats you, youre my leng bby)

so for the next 2 weeks every day after school you would meet up to ‘catch up’ on your charms

that being said it literally always, every time, ended up with you two talking about something unrelated

like the 5th day you had a conversation about which series of power rangers was better

"SPD, obviously"

AM I THAT OLD?? on god i hate it here

"no, y/n, we all know that dino force is better"

i agree with y/n on this one pal

on the 7th day you talked about muggle sports that you both enjoyed

"i played a lot of cricket"

"cricket? okay tory"

"i am NOT a tory"

on the last day when you should have been, you know, LEARNING

you were having a lovely old chinwag about the x factor

"simon cowell is a king"

"i agree"

legend behaviour if you ask me

wait does chinwag exist in other countries??? translation: chat

so of course the exams came up

but you were dreading them for a different reason

this meant the end of tutoring with renjun

this was super bittersweet, you wanted to spend more time with eachother

you literally could it wasn’t that deep both of you are so dumb smh aint nothing stopping you

jeno agrees with me too, mans pulling out his hair still as you had somehow not gotten together yet

it was like watching snails race, incredibly frustrating but you know that there is the finish line somwhere over the horizon

so you took your exams and both of you passed with flying colours, obviously

smart kids

and you ran right to renjun to celebrate

seeing as he had

not really helped you but you thought that he thought he helped you

oh no honey he knew that you didnt need help

but he didnt know whether to confront you about it?

rip your guilty conscience

so after a long discussion with mark, our china boy decided to ask why the heck you wanted his help when you were absolutely fully capable

unlike mark

and when you saw him approach you first in the halls your heart went

NYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

that was the sound of a fast motorbike

"hi y/n"

‘damn renjun, couldnt have thought of anything better than that?’

"uhh hi renjun"

awkward silence by stray kids

"i just wanted to know why you asked for my help"

okay where is the nearest shovel and what is the most efficient way to dig a large hole-

as if renjun sensed your panic radiating off you in waves

which he did

"not that it was an issue! i enjoyed spending time with you, it was just, you didnt really need help"

he was a pure boy

so you puffed your cheeks and decided to just come clean

somewhere, jeno felt his senses tingling

"genuinely i just wanted to spend some time with you because i really like you"

renjun froze and wanted to smack his head into a wall

bruh

you noticed his expression and panicked yet again

stop panicking man its okay i gotchu

"it was jenos idea"

blame jeno is always a fool-proof plan b

unless you get pregnant, that would not be a good idea

so i guess its not fool proof

BUT I DIGRESS

renjun face palms and groans

"youre kidding me! all this time we wasted doing boringass charms work when we couldve gone on dates"

confusion™️

but?? you felt hopeful??

"i dont think im on the same wavelength"

"i like you too dumbass"

oH so YOURE the dumbass??

yes, yes you are renjun is best boi, accept the L which is really a W bc renjun likes you back

jeno who had found his way to you, listening from around the corner sighed in happiness

"fucking finally!!"

[thedreadvampy]

So this was sent to me by @atiredpan weeks ago when the White Jon conversation was very live and I'm posting it (belatedly) with their blessing (they didn't want to put it up publicly and have it seem like an attack which I really very much appreciate but wouldn't have minded) and I percolated for a few days and then got very busy for a few weeks. Response follows.

So I feel weird about how I'm responding to this stuff, I'm launching rapidly into taking about/explaining my own experience in a way I'm worried maybe comes across as a direct comparison. It kind of feels like I'm talking in a way that's like brushing off your experience and saying OK BUT HERE'S WHY I'M RIGHT and that's not what I'm trying to do, it's just that there's not much I can usefully add to what you've said - you know your experience better than I do, and I'm not gonna go around trying to read into it or reexplain it. So I'm going to talk about where I am/have been coming from, but not with the intention of countering your points, all of which I think really resonate.

First off, the post where I was like "Jon is white and if you disagree you're Wrong" was, unreservedly, just a shitty post and I'm not suprised it upset a lot of people. I'm really very sorry about that, it was thoughtlessly written and pretty stupidly posted.

I totally get that my whiteness has fed into how I hced Jon (and as I think I've said before I saw Jon a certain way well before I engaged with any fanworks, just as you did). There's a lot of reasons I imagined Jon as white from pretty early on, a non-negligible one of which was like...That's Jonny. This is a podcast by Jonny, about a character with the same name and mannerisms as Jonny, and Jonny is extremely white. It would have felt weird, when I was listening to TMA as a Friend Podcast, to stick a brown face onto what at least appeared at the time to basically be a self-insert character of my white friend. Now that's a really personal thing informed less by the story and more by the circumstances under which I've interacted with it, but it certainly laid a baseline. I didn't really have a clear mental picture of Jon (or most of the characters) for a looooooong time (for an artist I'm really not a very visual thinker) but I had a few sort of mental sketches (Jon is short white balding and awkward, Martin is tall biracial and scruffy Basira is fat and somali Melanie is my friend from work etc) which I developed a long time before I encountered fanworks.

I saw the alienation you mentioned and I connected it to class and gender, not race, because I’ve met a lot of cis men, white and otherwise, who interpolate trauma, class insecurity, insecurity about their own abilities, and so on into withdrawal, denial and snappiness. So for me I had an interpretation of that element of his personality which was pretty much race-neutral, and then I had these existing cues leading me to assuming he was white (largely that Jonny is white, but also wee stuff in the story that...it’s not like anything substantial enough to remember, let alone justify, but there were certainly interactions that pinged whiteness for me personally)

There are actually iirc a few throwaway references to Jon being promoted above more qualified candidates throughout (or at least I thought I knew that before s5), but the time I decided I thought White Jon was an obvious conclusion was of course the conversation where Sasha expresses frustration about it. and the context of that conclusion (at least as far as I can see) wasn't "people of colour can only exist in subservient positions/defined by oppression" but was informed by two things that were going on with my life around the time that episode aired

I had been having several conversations with friends of mine (and largely friends of Jonny's) who work in London in the museums/archiving sector and who are the only women of colour in whole departments or even whole museums, and who experience so little career mobility compared to their less-qualified white counterparts (we're talking about women graduating top of their class at Oxbridge with anthropology or library science masters and stellar original research, with a decade or more of impeccable work experience and acting up, being left in internship and low-grade positions, while white men who "fit the culture" but have 0 museums experience sail into upper management positions and then stay there until they retire). So I'd come almost directly from these conversations into what to me sounded like exactly the same gripe in TMA.

I'd been at that point working for about a year and a half on co-coordinating the anti-oppression committee in my workplace, which was a very Good Progressive Activist Charity with Good Lefty Principles, and over the course of experience sharing and discussions both with colleagues of colour and along lines of wealth, disability, class etc, I was very much confronted with the realisation of how much 'being adequately qualified' meant different things for middle-class good-university white men vs much more highly skilled and hardworking women of colour or people of different class and wealth backgrounds. Obviously I'd known that before in principle, but not really having been in Salaried Workplaces (as opposed to like. service and retail hourlies) I hadn’t got so up close and personal with it. So that was also very fresh in my mind, this like...big substantial experience of how Good, Well-Meaning, Caring, Thoughtful, Woke white men just........did not need to think about this. at all. and were startled and discomforted to face it. and that this was also true of most white middle-class women. and these conversations were really carved down the middle between white middle-class European women saying ‘this is such a surprise when we have such an equitable hiring policy and diverse staff, that there’s this gender gap’ and women of colour in the room wearily saying ‘yeah, there’s a gender gap, there’s always a gender gap and it is always a racialised gender gap’ so yeah I was definitely thinking about the intersection between being passed over at work because of gender and because of race.

The point about Tim is interesting because I think for me what’s getting lost is that I don’t think Jon is entitled as like...a Character Trait. He’s not like...Toxic Masculinity Man. He is very anxious about boundaries and about his own capacity to do harm. But it has to be pointed out to him where he’s doing harm. He doesn’t notice where he’s been unfairly advantaged, and that’s to me much more reflective of most people’s relationship to white or male entitlement. 

As I say, that exchange with Tim and Sasha cemented the Jon Is White hc in my head specifically because it was so reflective of conversations I had had with women of colour working in similar workplaces, about white men, usually about white men they generally liked or at least didn’t have beef with beyond their unfair advantages. 

It seems odd to me to frame ‘bitching about your boss on your friend’s behalf to make her feel better’ as more similar to white entitlement/white privilege than any of that tbh? That’s just...being friends with someone? 

Anyway I recognise that it’s not white entitlement to accept a job. Obviously it’s not, it’s just sensible under the circumstances, you get lucky and you grab it. For me my sense of Jon as white-because-of-this is not “he took a job he shouldn’t have taken,” it’s more about his obliviousness to the impact he has on others, and also primarily how people react to him. The interaction between Sasha and Tim is saturated with the of course it would be him I mentioned above, but even before that he walks through the world not expecting to have to think about anything but his conscious decisions, and he’s caught aback when people see him as out of place or as having power above his station.

I think it’s impossible to extricate ‘this is where my head was at’ from that interpretation, and also like obviously my own whiteness is a big factor. And not just my own personal whiteness but the place I grew up (which was 98.3% white) and the world which reflects back whiteness. So this is in no way intended as a bolshy This Is The Correct Headcanon the way my Bad Post was bc examining it I’m like...yeah I mean this is about how I personally interpreted this based on where I was at at the time. But I do feel like there’s some communication gap in what it is about this unqualified promotion thing that pinged me - it’s not that All Bosses Must Be White And All Brown People Must Be Downtrod, it’s something quite specific about the tone and tenor of the interactions around the getting-a-job.

But also? Idk. Kind of unrelatedly, and people obviously should feel free to disagree with me on this, it feels kind of off to frame this as defaulting to a white Jon? I sort of think that my idea of Jon as white is very much not ‘white until proven otherwise’ - part of the reason for my original strident tone was that I felt that I was being expected to drop a headcanon I had for specific reasons and default to the fanon version of Jon without actually having any reason other than ‘this is how the community thinks he should look,’ and without really understanding anything about what that means, and while obviously defaulting to a non-white headcanon isn’t like...entrenched in the way that defaulting to a white headcanon is, it does seem to me like this is perhaps part of why white fans slap brown skin onto a character without thinking into what that means or why they’re doing it.

The thing I’m struggling with as regards my personal headcanon here is that I could decide to only ever draw Jon as Fanon Jon, but it wouldn’t be because I had strong reasons to see him that way, it wouldn’t be the same as why you see Jon as brown, or why I see like...Melanie as Indian, it would literally be Default To Standard in a way it isn’t for you. And I don’t feel that I have Defaulted To Whiteness, or where I have it is for reasons specifically to do with Jon (I visualised Jon as white because I visualised him as Jonny, who is white), not because I think every character is White Until Proven Otherwise. Like, my reasons for understanding Jon as white may be bad reasons, but they are reasons, not post-hoc excuses (I can’t like...prove that. but I know it to be true at least on a conscious level). I didn’t go Oh Jon Is White Because Everyone Is Unless I Have Reason To Think They Aren’t, Hooray, Here Is A Post-Hoc Justification For Why It Isn’t Racist To Think That. So while I am totally on board with the idea that it may be shitty, harmful or poorly thought through to hc Jon as white, I’m not sure I can fully see it in myself as being default. But I do understand that that isn’t necessarily what came across in my original short post.

Honestly, the reason I took issue with Fanon Jon and Fanon Martin in such a bolshy way in the first place was that I didn’t get why these characters were universally seen as Asian and white, respectively, and had such strong and consistent fanon images, when none of the other characters did, and when I was seeing people drawing people like Sasha and Melanie and Tim as white way more when in my mind there was no reason to assume they were white. On an emotional level I guess I think either there’s Fanon As Lore, or there’s no fanon (and I prefer the latter) and my discomfort came from the place that the one character I absolutely saw as coded as white in the core cast had this one really specific Ambiguously Brown Fanon Look (which from what I’d seen at the time didn’t seem to be like...backed with anything or coming from any personal interpretation for most of the white fans I was seeing on like Twitter and Tumblr) but white headcanons are everywhere for characters like Melanie or Sasha or Georgie, who seemed to me to be unambiguously people of colour, or characters like Tim or Martin (who could perfectly reasonably be people of colour and who I hc as Rroma and biracial respectively)? I don’t know, it’s difficult to express, but I find it frustrating.

[captain-of-the-historicfuture]

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

[confusedinfj]

Story Writing Tips

@realentj gave me some writing tips I've been searching for my whole life. And since I never found them, I decided to articulate them for other people who - like me - are hacking their writing by following vague writing advice. Hopefully this helps at least one person 😊

Also, I'm not saying the examples I've given are good. I'm just trying to demonstrate mild improvement 😂

Common Advice Evils

Write what you know = vague. Write SOMETHING you know. Like emotions and feelings of the characters - that's the reason we can read Sci Fi and fantasy.

Show, don't tell = pages of wasted space. Maybe your character is a hypochondriac who can tell their heart is burning as tears run down their face, maybe they're an emotionally unaware person who just goes 'I was sad - idk why'. Say it like the character would.

More dialogue! = no. Dialogue is boring. More thoughts, thoughts about what people are saying. More thoughts than dialogue. NO: 'hi' 'how's it going?' 'good thanks, you?'. YES: 'hi.' She seemed flat today. I wondered why. 'How's it going?' Maybe she'd mention what was wrong.

Set the scene = too many pointless descriptions. Give us the character's thoughts - if they don't notice anything, don't mention it. NO: I walked into the big room. The walls were red, there were three chandeliers, the floor was shiny, there were people everywhere. The room was hot, there were 15 candles... ' YES: I walked into the room, immediately struck by the size. There were chandeliers on the roof, and I stood there, staring at them.

Avoid writing in the first person = terrible advice. I personally find writing in the first person easy - it helps me know what is and isn't important to include.

Keep it simple = good advice. Overcomlicating your plot will bore the reader. You can have a complicated plot, but you're gonna have to make it SEEM simple.

Let your character suffer = good, but don't make them suffer for the sake of it. Suffering looks different for everyone, there's a lot of wiggle room here. It could be as simple as offending a friend for a few days.

Just write = good advice! It doesn't need to be perfect, I needs to be done.

My tips

Write scenes like a movie. This way you'll have less pointless stuff, and something will always be happening for a reason.

Write images, not ideas. My brain seems to work like Brooklyn Nine-Nine or Scrubs, with all the cut scenes. Let your character think the same way if it's right! So instead of: I thought about standing up on the table, in the middle of the room, and screaming. Everyone would probably stare at me if I did that. Try: I pictured myself standing on the table in the middle of the room, screaming, everyone staring at me.

Format things well. It makes it easier to read. If you press tab on a new line it gives it professional looking indents, and it's much easier to read.

Get good at punctuation. This allows you to get the sound of real speech across while still being readable. So instead of: They were on the left and the right they were everywhere. Try: They were left, right - everywhere!

Don't use semicolons. You're probably not using them correctly, and they look obnoxious anyway. Use dashes instead. They're harder to misuse, and they look much more conversational.

Don't try. Just be honest. Writers who try tend to get bogged down in pointless metaphors and needless imagery. Just write.

Let the deeper meaning appear. Don't force it. If you sit down to write a story about x, y, and z you'll probably bore yourself to death.

Write about people. People like people. Even if you have the coolest plot in the world, no one will read it without people. All the best books almost sound boring when you describe them - they're just about people.

Thoughts and feelings. Not descriptions and dialogue. This is what people read stories for, try to get them right. So while you can do: She had blue eyes, blonde hair, and a blue dress. She had a small face. I was a little scared of her. This tells us more about your character: She had blue eyes - that was the first thing I noticed about her. They felt cold, so I looked away. It describes less, but ways more about the thoughts and feelings of the character.

Be honest. Pls don't sit down and try to skip straight to being Tolkien or Keats. Your writing will sound so forced and inflated.... Just be honest when you write.

Write casually. This is a good way to learn to write well, because you won't be distracted trying to sound smart.

Cut words. Any word you can cut, cut it. Pronouns, conjunctions, phrases that could be turned into one word.... Cut 'em. So instead of writing: He was running after me, and I needed to escape. I ran away quickly, breathing heavily. I didn't know where to go. Try: He ran after me - I needed to escape. Running, breathing heavily - I didn't know where to turn.

CONSISTENT CHARACTERS. Maybe it's totally believable your uptight character suddenly wants to do drugs - but you better make sure it is. Don't make your characters do things for the sake of it. If you want your uptight character to do drugs but can't think of a reason why they would, be more creative - maybe it could be an accident? People hate inconsistent characters, and saying 'they're not inconsistent because they're my characters' is just lazy. My biggest pet peeve: Characters ending up together when they really wouldn't. Don't do it.

Say it how the character would. This means you CAN tell, you don't ways have to show! You can totally just write: it was a big house. Didn't think much of the colour though.

Point out things the character cares about. Don't bother describing everything in the house if the character doesn't think it's important. Your character can walk into a mansion and literally be like: x-box. That's all I saw.

Explain your character's feelings. Sometimes having them cry and say they're sad isn't enough. If you do this well, the reader should feel something too. So instead of just: She was upset with me, so I began crying. I was sorry to let her down. You could try: I'd let her down - she was so upset, she was crying, all because of me. I began to cry too, angry that I couldn't be better, stronger. Obvs don't overdo it 😂

Let your character's thoughts ramble. You can even let them cut themselves off mid sentence. Instead of: I tried to figure it out. Was it possible that she flew? No, that seemed to be taking things a little too far. Try: I mean, I suppose it was possible that - no. No, that was a little too far.

Don't over explain things. Say it the simplest, most obvious way and move on. You can always fix it later if you have to. The best writing is simple and honest.

Write down stuff that feels embarrassing and hurts. I don't usually keep that stuff in its first form, but I do keep the essence. It's helpful to see it written down and realise what you're going for.

Let your character miss things. This works particularly well in first person. It means you don't have to explain or describe every single thing, it's very relieving.

Find your voice. Your character's voice that is. You don't need your voice, you need to hear your character. I like to pick a person and write as if they're talking. They can even have multiple voices, like a lot of people have when they're aeghong or talking to themself. If you can hear your character's voice, it will be harder to write them doing something they would never do - you just won't be able to see it.

Have fun! Write things you think are fun - play around with your writing.

Love your story. Even if you don't like the way you've done it, love the story. Learn to separate the story from the actual writing. That way you'll be motivated to go back and fix it later.

Take advice. If you can find it, and it can be hard to come by. Try out anything suggested, you never know what might work!

Ignore the haters. That is, people who insult you and your writing without giving any tips. They're just mean. So many famous authors weren't published until at least 35. Writing is a skill, keep working on it!

Bonus tip: Don't kill characters for the sake of it. It's annoying. Character death should have a point. Yes, that point can be death can seem pointles, but that point doesn't belong in every story, and it shouldn't be repeated multiple times. Then you just look like a psycho and you'll annoy the reader. Just - don't do anything to your characters for the sake of it. Forced tribulation is annoying to the reader.

Bonus bonus tip: pls don't write a story that hinges on a basic miscommunication. If it can be fixed in two minutes in a conversation, it's probably a cliche... Definitely overused in films!

[gotatext]

                   hllo ! i’m nora ( she / her, 24, gmt ) crawling back to this rp once more like the dirty sewer slug i am !! i just can’t get enough, baybeyyy ! u may remember me frm such roles as alma putnam, rory bergstrom, bridget matusiak or greta o’driscoll 2 name jst a few.... sure there were more over these long years, bt the show must go on.... this is mimi, she’s dogmatic, tenacious n single-minded 2 the point of recklessness, she doesn’t like handouts n she’s funding her degree through her onlyfans account n moaning abt shit on tiktok. we love 2 see it !!  slam that like button n i’ll creep into ur DMs like the slippery worm i am   OR u can discord me at that bitch carole baskin#8664.   a humble pinterest.

『ALEXA DEMIE ❙ CIS-FEMALE 』 ⟿ looks like MIMI MARTÍNEZ is here for HER SOPHOMORE year as an ARCHITECTURE AND SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be STRONG-WILLED, GOAL-ORIENTED, ARROGANT & EASILY BORED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ nora. 24. gmt. she/her.

this is p embarassing but i actually originally wrote mimi for a discord rp based around love island asgjag dont laugh at me but it was so chaotic n someone deleted it w-out telling any of us so i lost her bio.... all her threads....e verythin.... it was mad. but anyway we startin from scratch w this intro so bare with

mimi is a really extra character so when trying to flesh her out i thot of the most extra thing i could do n made a colour coded mindmap with watercolour paints detailing her values, aesthetics and early life. shoot me

background: she grew up in a trailer home in boulder city, abt half an hour from vegas. her mom had worked in a vegas casino for most of her 20s but relocated to boulder city for a slower pace of life / lower crime rate when she started having kids. mimi has 2 older brothers n she’s the youngest. has that invulnerable younger sibling complex n basically thinks nothing can touch her. very confident in her own intelligence and her ability to get shit done 

has mexican ancestry on her mom’s side. doesn’t know her dad. was raised with spanish catholic principals n found it all very stained glass windows and extra n that’s why she was kinda drawn to the decadence of vegas and all these massively high key aesthetics, like dia de les muertos was her fave thing growin up just bcos the pure feel of the festival and painting a sugar skull on her face n being able to party on the streets in a flower crown where everyone was kinda anonymous but together in this celebration

in boulder city her mom worked as a carer as there’s a lot of retirees there. mimi really resented the slow pace of life, longed for some fucking energy n life. she was a cheerleader in school but outside of school there wsn’t much to do except practise stunts and go on bike rides.  occasionally they’d get dressed up and catch a bus to henderson, the next biggest city for them to get tht sweet night life

her teenage years consisted mostly of hanging around the renovated motel blocks used as housing projects n tanning by the pool. very florida project if you’ve seen that. she reminds me a lot of the mum in that. also she started working as an avon rep going door-to-door when she was 16 bcos she wanted to have her own income. like as young as 14 she’d decided she was smart enough to go to college but she didn’t have the money n her family didn’t really see it as a worthwhile thing, her mom was very like the mom from matilda “you chose books.... i chose looks!” which i think is where a lot of mimi’s more shallow / appearance-driven traits come from

wasn’t really ‘cool’ until high school. before that she was a bit of a lisa simpson type. won a spelling bee when she was 9. was in the mathletes squad in middle school. when she went from middle school to high school she started cheer and tried to reinvent herself basically. always been very concerned with social mobility and keen to socially climb, like when she enters a new situation she’ll find out who the alphas are and quickly try n befriend them

when she turned 18 she moved out and went to vegas despite her mom hating the idea bcos it was everything she’d tried to get her kids away from. she worked in the clubs there for several years as a shot girl, a table dancer, n eventually she started workin behind the bar in a strip club. in the club it ws really hard to resist becoming a dancer bcos of the sheer amount they made in tips. no one really pressured her into it she just eventually decided tht it was way more logical to do it while she was young n fit and had the stamina and ppl were willing to pay to see her body so she started taking pole fitness lessons. she also started working as a cam girl around this time

working in vegas strip clubs is basically whats paid for uni. like she didn’t go at 18 like most of her friends did bcos she didn’t have the money and she didn’t want to feel indebted to a college like she had to compete for her place and not put a toe out of line bcos she was on a scholarship. she was determined to pay her own way and it took 4 years of working really hard and saving n even tho she was working in vegas she basically never went out bcos every penny she had needed to go on uni n thts how we get to radcliffe baybeeyy

part 2  - interior / values / personality

values: the aesthetic !! literally loves the aesthetic so much. everything she owns is super embellished, she’s a pop socket gal, her dell laptop is covered in glitzy stickers, she always has acrylics n probs makes nail art videos on tiktok. really tuned into tiny details like painting a little hello kitty above her eye which translates into her degree when she’s doing small-scale mockups of town plans n stuff... she jst puts so much detail into them. ppl often get surprised when she tells them she does architecture but it makes so much sense bcos she grew up in a trailer park n was always thinking about ways the space could be more efficiently used, like she loves re-conceptualising neighbourhoods, definitely spent hours on sims as a kid. she also grew up near hoover dam n so loads of school trips they just took them there n she was like.... this is tight but it could be cooler.... where’s the passion....

massively into photography, has such a neat instagram feed like everything just compliments the tones in the next post like mMMM. idk if any of u know any architecture students but this is literally the one constant i can find…. like they all have super good instagrams feeds. is that bitch that will take 40 fake candids of u in a row at different angles to get u the perfect profile picture cos she understands the importance of marketing urself and having an online #brand

has wire rimmed glasses that she doesn’t need to see BUT they r like a magnifying glass for when she’s working with really small materials to do a mock up of an urban plan, and also just sometimes wears them for the aesthetic bc she’s such a pinterest bitch

assassination nation is such a big mood. literally the aesthetics of that and lily colson’s whole brand of feminism and nudity not being inherently sexual but at the same time wanting to profit off that bcos why the fuck shouldnt she use a corrupt system to her advantage is incredibly mimi

literally a human personification of a bratz doll both in attitude and fashion sense

somehow simultaneously gansey in the raven cycle AND elle woods in legally blonde? the two genders 

values cont bc i started rambling: her independence and freedom. being the best at any given task she sets her mind to accomplish because she is unable to accept failure. social mobility. sexual liberation. interested in the psychology of sub-cultures and how ppl form groups and interact w each other and cult identities which is why she minors in anthropology. pro-choice. pro-weed legalisation. pro-sex worker rights. very activist.

aesthetics tht remind me of her: von dutch. a strappy cami top that says ‘please do not do coke in the bathroom’. low-waisted jeans that show off her belly button piercing. acrylic nails tapping against a heavily embellished second-hand dell laptop. heart shaped sunglasses in every colour. translucent stripper heels with barbie doll heads and plastic spiders in the heel. spraying champagne you cant afford all over the walls. narcotics in a heart shaped locket. an amazon wishlist full of lingerie linked on your tinder profile. sex tapes recorded on VCR. a religious devotion to waxing clinics. necking shots like you were born to do it.

she’s an enfj type which makes her pretty charismatic and confidence, like she has a fierce kind of energy to her, but she’s also super unwilling to accept criticism, dogmatic and can only really see her own way of thinking, quite ruthless when it comes 2 other ppls emotions despite having a poor control of her own and being prone to turbulence / throwin a bitch fit in the craft lab. easily bored. competitive. self-assured to the point of arrogance. forceful. adaptable. usually more rational than emotional but occasionally loses the ability to make rational decisions when blinded by a need for perfectionism.

very goal-oriented. money motivates her. money and clothes. she wants to look bomb while earning big bucks. when she gets her mind set on a project it literally consumes her she will forget to eat and sleep? i don’t know her.  like when a final design project is due for architecture she’ll be up all night doing adderall and speed to keep her awake working on the placement of a single tree for ages cos its gotta be perfect

loves chaos. will spill your secrets and pretend it was an accident. will always be that gif of kim kardashian sipping her tea while drama unfolds around her. lives for the drama like that gifset of bratz when she comes running and gets her phone out to record a fight.

im makin her sound like a really bad person but hopefully she’ll be somewhat likeable she can be very charismatic and endearing and she’s naturally quite funny. also now she’s finally in college and doesn’t have to worry so much about money she actually allows herself to party n bcos she denied herself of it for so long she kinda makes up for it by going p wild like will be the girl climbing on to stage to crowd surf at gigs or doing a summersault off the bar and being escorted out by bouncers, thats the energy were looking at, pure dionysian hedonistic impulse

really gd at talking her way out of shit like parking fines. so good at being an ‘im baby’ girl and often dumbs herself down to figures of authority to appear less like a threatening ball-breaker and more like a confused fiat 500 girl who didn’t know red meant stop she thought it meant slow down

listens almost exclusively to female artists. has fergalicious on repeat when she does squats infront of the mirror n just the biggest fergie stan. also lana del rey’s whole vibe is massive mimi energy

ok ya thats all i have for now..... hopefully this is somewhat coherent and not just garbage.

[i-minato-chan]

[ Naruto OC x Canon Ship Week 2020 - Seal and Strawberries, or, Ostentatious and Impractical Uses for Shinobi Techniques] [ @naruto-ocxcanon-ship-week​ || @kusunokihime ] [ Suigin Ryū , Namikaze Minato ] [ Trope: just... genius kids being geniuses, idk. ]

Minato’s kitchen table sometimes doubled as a desk.

Quite often, however, it was insufficient. When Ryu let herself in – one of the first times she’d used the key Minato had given her – she was treated to a view of paper covering the table, the kitchen counter, the floor, and beginning to climb the walls.

“Ryu! Come in, come in.”

Minato looked up with a smile. He was sat in the middle of the floor in the one clear circle of space, with just enough room for Ryu to comfortably sit opposite him. She had to step carefully between sheets of intricate sealwork; she knew from Minato’s tutelage what most of them meant.

“Sorry I’m late!” Ryu apologised. It was a scorching hot day – she’d slept badly because of the heat and decided that a shower was far more important than not being fifteen minutes late to see Minato.

“I… hadn’t noticed.” Minato admitted. He was normally good at keeping time in his head, but when he got sufficiently focussed on a subject, he could get distracted. “Anyway, come sit. I, uh, got started already.”

“So I see.” Ryu smiled, finally reaching the last clear space on the floor and settling down. She’d brought a folio of her own seal work, which was just as intricate but rather les expansive.

“Here, let me clear you a space.” Minato shuffled some papers aside to give Ryu the space she needed to work. “Did you want to keep working on that passive chakra absorption seal? I’m sure we’re nearly there.” Previous attempts at the seal had failed to absorb Ryu’s ambient energy, and in one worrying case had started leeching her energy. Thankfully, it had filled up in about a minute and they’d disabled it easily.

“Yeah, I had an idea I’d like to run past you.” Ryu pulled a sheet of paper from the folio and handed it to Minato.

                                                           ~

 Four hours of work yielded a few minor adjustments to Ryu’s new design. Though Minato had been guiding her a lot of the way, this was mostly her work – he might have shown her how to write, but this was a sentence she’d constructed.

“That should work. Shall we try it?” Minato handed the paper back to Ryu. He said ‘we’, but it would be Ryu’s seal, and her attempt to scribe it. He was just going to watch.

“Sure. Should we clear some more space?” The gusting of chakra might disturb some of the papers, and Ryu was too hot to be bothered with sorting them back into order. Minato complied, clearing her a space maybe a meter in diameter.

“Okay, that should be fine.” He said, standing back at the edge of the circle. Ryu gave him a nervous nod, then held out her left hand in front of her. With a finger, she traced a pattern on the back of her hand, just barely not making contact. To Minato’s sharp senses, it looked like the space between her finger and hand was filled with a thousand tiny lines of green and white light.

A tense minute passed. Sealwork was not an easy thing to do, though it could be done much faster after practice. Ryu continued to work, sweat beading on her brow from the concentration required as well as the heat of the day. Eventually, she finished.

“Well?” Minato asked, leaning closer to inspect the seal. “It looks good. Is it working?”

“I… I think so.” The expenditure of chakra in a seal like this would take a few moments of recovery. Ryu took a deep, calming, breath. The depletion in her reserves was barely noticeable, and she had to focus on it as it refilled. After a moment, she felt it restore to her natural limit.

“There! Look look look-“ Minato pointed excitedly at Ryu’s left hand, which was still upraised. The edges of the seal, which looked like an intricate tattoo in black ink, started to change colour, going a pale green.

“It worked!” Ryu yelped in delight. It had taken months to get to this point. Minato shouted as well, grinning from ear to ear. They both reached out for a hug at the same time, almost clashing heads in their rush, laughing with relief and cheer at their success.

“Okay, okay.” Minato calmed down after a minute or so and let Ryu go. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. How big did you make the reserve?”

“It should be full in a minute.” Ryu answered, brushing a loose hair out of her eyes. “I… can feel it working, actually. Tingly.”

“Wow.” Minato smiled widely. “Okay, this calls for a celebration.”

“It does?” Ryu asked. She’d have thought he’d want to see if the seal filled up properly first, and if she could use the chakra she’d stored.

“Absolutely. Milkshake?” Minato hopped to his feet and danced between the sheets of paper that were between him and the kitchen area. He started taking things out of the fridge as well as glasses from the cupboard.

Milkshake? “Sure, I guess.” Ryu followed over to the kitchen area, which was at least free of the paper carpet. “I spy a punnet of strawberries over there?”

“Freshly picked this morning from the fields south of the city.” Minato smiled. He’d picked them himself for this exact purpose.

“Sounds good to me.” Ryu leaned against the counter as Minato worked. He quickly assembled two glassfuls of milk and some plain ice cream out of his meagre freezer then started unpacking the fruit. Ryu watched with interest as he rubbed each strawberry with his thumb – and the stalk just fell out, as if he’d cut it out with a knife.

Ryu squinted. Minato was using the chakra scalpel she’d shown him months ago, but in an almost ostentatiously complicated way. She focussed and watched as Minato manipulated a wave of pale blue energy smaller than her fingernail to cut out another stalk. He was manipulating the shape of the scalpel as he worked, which was ridiculous – you’d never do that in real surgery, since it took too much focus.

Minato glanced up at Ryu and made a face, embarrassed. “What?”

“Why… is that really the best way to take stalks out of strawberries?” Ryu took one of the strawberries Minato had performed his surgery on. The cut was perfect, and she could see the stalks had absolutely no excess flesh on them.

“Probably not.” Minato admitted. There was a little flush to his cheeks that Ryu couldn’t put down to the heat. “Jiraiya-sensei told me to practice with using chakra as much as I can, since that’s the best next step in my training. Hence…” He waved a hand at the strawberries.

“And you’re doing that… with the most complicated possible version of the technique I showed you?” Ryu asked, eating the strawberry in her hand. It was deliciously fresh.

“… Yeah.” Minato admitted after a second. He glanced at the pile of strawberries, then brightened up. “Speaking of ostentatious uses of shinobi techniques for trivial and possibly demeaning uses – do you wanna see a trick?”

“A trick?” Ryu raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you making milkshakes? They don’t look very shaken to me.”

“Ahha, but watch this.” Minato dumped half the strawberries into one of the glasses and put his hand on top of it. He put his other hand around the side of the glass so Ryu could see his palm, behind the milk, ice cream, and strawberries.

Then the whole concoction started to swirl.

In a matter of seconds, the glass was filled with a tumultuous mess of red and white that, to Ryu’s chakra senses, glowed blue with a powerful, concentrated light.

After maybe thirty seconds, Minato released the glass. It settled down almost immediately, and Minato handed the glass to Ryu. The hand on top of the glass, she noticed, was completely dry.

“One milkshake, as requested.”

Ryu took the milkshake, almost dumbfounded. She looked up as Minato kept talking.

“It’s… a new technique I’m working on. I don’t have a name for it yet. Basically, since I’ve got really good chakra control, I wanted to make a way for me to use that rather than overwhelming force, and that seemed like a good way of doing it.” He paused. “Would… would you like me to make it normally?”

“No! No, it’s fine.” Ryu realised she’d been staring at the top of the milkshake. It looked perfectly smooth and was still chilled in her hand. “Just… that’s more ostentatious than I was expecting.”

“Yeah.” Minato agreed, smiling again. “But hey, it’s celebratory milkshake. Might as well go all-out, right?”

“Right!” Ryu giggled, and took a sip.

It tasted of strawberries and ice cream.

“Is it good?” Minato asked, finishing up his own drink.

“Delicious. Thank you, Mina-chan.” Ryu smiled at him.

“You’re welcome. Congratulation, Ryu-chan.”

                                                            ~~~

Writing has been hard for a long time, so I’m super happy to have managed to write this. Sylvie (@kusunokihime) did me the great honour of being included in her first entry to the Naruto OCxCanon Ship Week (her incredible work can be found here) so I had to offer this in return. 

Ryu and Minato have been dancing around each other for about eighteen months now, I believe, and they’re so god-damned adorable I squeal in delight every time I get to write them together. Sylvie is a fantastic RP partner, and always a delight to work with.

If you made it all this way, then thank you for reading! Until next time~

[duchessofostergotlands]

Maybe I'm just really negative, but I was super surprised to see that the collection is only for sale for two weeks... it just seems so short for it to actually make the impact they want? But what do I know? 🤷‍♀️ love your blog btw, hope things are going well! Also, not sure if it matters: Reitmans is a Canadian clothing store/company that has a few subsidiary stores, one used to be Smart Set (I think those are closed now?).

Waaaaaaait a second, TWO WEEKS? Did I read that right? What a bunch of miserly jerks these companies are. It’s basically free advertising for them and all they have to do is give 1:1 (at cost not retail) for ONE ITEM each and they’re only going to do it for TWO WEEKS???? I hope it didn’t come off as if I was blaming Meghan or her strategy there! I was just trying to point out how stingy these companies are being (in my opinion). I hope it didn’t come off as if I was blaming Meghan or her strategy there! I was just trying to point out how stingy these companies are being (in my opinion) /// While I do think the Smart Set could be a bit better it seems to be a wonderful start! One thing though that I adore about Meghan is that she seems to be so excited about everything that she does and that excitement is definitely infectious!!! /// Something I really dislike is the type of garments. The dress is very flattering, but the pants have a high waste that in overweight people like me gives us the “crotch chub” effect lmao. Most of the clothes only look good on a certain type of woman. Add that to the limited sizes and 😬😬 /// So it looks like that shift dress comes in hot pink (it looks red to me?) but only blue and black dress purchases get donated to Smart Works? Weird. The Jigsaw jacket and pants they’re linking to are part of Jigsaw’s pre-existing Paris line of work wear. While the shift comes in extended sizes, I’m not impressed the jacket and pants only go up to a UK 16. And I’m interested in how the 1x1 will work. Idk it’s all weird // I’m honestly disappointed with the line. It’s a great cause but all the pieces were existing in at least one of the retailers, just re-done for the line, it’s only 5 pieces, sizes go up to 16UK (14US), they’re made in polyester and the campaign for smart works will only last 2 weeks? Idk it just spiralled into a “let’s make it look like we’re good” kind of line // I don’t know why but I thought each brand was launching a “look” for smart works, is it just one place has the shirt, another the trousers, a third the purse etc? // I really want to love Meghan’s idea, I really do. But I can’t.

Ok so I decided to combine all the messages I got about this in to one kind of master post. My plan is to go through what I liked and what I’m not too fond of. I don’t know which one should go first so I’ll put headings and you can read them in your preferred order haha. I should hopefully hit most of the points:

The Good

I talked about this before but I think Meghan’s really underrated skill is being able to spot gaps and understand where she can add value. Having worked with public donations, I related to a lot of the issues she pointed out and I think it’s very astute of her to be able to quickly pick that up for each organisation 

Once again, women of colour were front and centre. The women modelling in the campaign were representative, they had different body types and attitudes too. I think that commitment is really impressive

Although some things are in more limited sizes- I think one of the items anyway- most things go up to a Size 24 which is more inclusive 

I think we’ve already seen that there’s going to be a huge uptake in the clothing line so I expected that they’ll report a really big result

Her behaviour around the collection so far has been pretty adorable. From the behind the scenes videos to today, she has seemed genuinely excited and passionate. She’s obviously worked hard on the project and when you watch videos I think you want to back her up!! 

She’s doing what I have complained about royals not doing in the past. She is doing something with a tangible end result. They will be able to say they gave x pieces to the charity whereas most royal projects have no clear outcomes or outputs. It still doesn’t tell us the impact but it’s better than we normally get from royals!!! More of that please. 

The Less Good

I don’t like 1 for 1 models and that’s just an unavoidable fact. I’ve talked about it before and my opinion hasn’t changed since: https://duchessofostergotlands.tumblr.com/post/186776510814/hi-jess-you-said-you-didnt-like-the-one-for-one

I don’t like the clothes. I’m not going to go into a huge amount of detail because this is exclusively personal preference and nothing to do with the merits of the project but I know someone will ask so let’s get it out of the way. They’re too old for me personally. I do get why they went the basic route and re-used things though as it’s quicker and easier  

“It’s not a hand out, it’s a hand held.” I mean, it is still absolutely a hand out. I know what she was going for but the dictionary exists. And it’s still a project where vulnerable women are supported by the whims of the privileged. I am a bit concerned at some of the narrative emphasising the purchaser which plays in to what I talk about in point 1 

 The things she pointed out when she was at Smart Works were that donations “can be a potpourri of mismatched sizes and colours, not always the right stylistic choices or range of sizes.” Now I don’t know if her project actually addresses that issue. It provides high quality clothing but with a one for one model it means that whatever people are buying, that’s what the place gets. It isn’t saying “how many of each item of each size do you want and need to create a more cohesive wardrobe?” and then providing it to them. Something that’s interesting about relationships like this, as a Fundraiser who has managed similar relationships, is that a lot of times when they say “10p from every product will go towards x charity” that’s not true. We have a relationship like that with a corporate organisation and they tell us what they’re going to give us in advance based on projected sales. The money you pay doesn’t come anywhere near us. For smaller projects it might be different but that’s how we do it so we can budget and forecast. It’s possible that Meghan has actually done that but that leads me on to my last point….

The “Doesn’t Fit Into Either Category”

I have quite a few unanswered questions. I’m sure that some of these are answered and please do share links with me but I don’t know where I’m supposed to be going for the fine print, the terms and conditions. So:

I read in one article that proceeds would be going towards the charities rather than just products. Is this true? 

If it’s not true, where is the money from sales going?

Have they had an agreement like the one I mentioned above that guarantees a certain number and mix of items for the local branches and uses the 1 for 1 thing as more of a selling point?

If it is a 1 for 1 model, does that extend to colour choice and size?

Are each of the pieces being sold in a different store or is everything available in every outlet?

This isn’t Meghan’s fault, there’s no reason to think she knew about this, but it is so shady of M&S to put a pink version on that is exactly the same but doesn’t benefit the charity. After Meghan saying they put purpose before profits, that’s a dick move from them 

Overall

Meghan has clearly put a lot of heart and soul in this project and I think identified a real gap where she could have a meaningful contribution. I personally don’t think that a 1 for 1 model is the most effective way of meeting that gap and although there are plenty of positives I think the cook book was a more comprehensive project than this one