#something about feeling worse now that you know better. more abt what happened to u

[codgod]

my last sin… is that i hate you.

i. hate. you.

[shirogane-oushirou]

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

[lovebugism]

i have a lot of nightmares and shake a lot when nervous. could u maybe write something abt a reader that goes through similar issues, and eddie comforts them and tries to make them feel safe? u can do whatever u like with this, i just need some fluff! :]

as someone who also has frequent nightmares, this was very self-indulgent heheh i hope you like it :D — eddie calms you down when you have a bad dream (hurt/comfort, established relationship, cw for mentions of panic attacks, 1.2k)

Eddie didn’t know he loved you until now. Like, right now.

He’d always had an inkling, at the very least, but he didn’t know for sure until he got you into his bed — bare-faced and swallowed whole in an oversized t-shirt older than you are. You share a single pillow with him despite having your own, leaving your noses mere inches apart. His tired eyes go a bit cross-eyed when he looks at you.

Despite his heavy head and heavier eyelids, he doesn’t want to stop looking at you. He doesn’t want to stop talking to you, either. He doesn’t want to fall asleep at all ‘cause he’s scared he’ll miss you too much. 

And that’s when he realizes that he’s head over heels, completely, utterly, and hopelessly in love with you.

“You asleep yet?” he whispers into the dark bedroom, lit only by the streams of silver moonlight slipping through the curtains.

You shake your head against the pillow you share with him. “No,” you mumble — voice thick with exhaustion, eyes fluttered shut.

“Good,” Eddie replies, shifting on the mattress until he melts further into it. Your cold feet entwine with his warmer ones. He exhales a contented sigh through his nose. “Me neither…”

You can’t be entirely sure who dozed off first, but you know for certain you wake up before he does. 

3:47 A.M. blinks at you in bright red numbers on the nightstand. The witching hour greets you along with a rapidly beating heart, thrumming hard against your ribcage like it’s trying to escape from its confines.

The nightmare was a vivid one when it painted the backs of your eyelids, but you can’t really remember it now. You think that might be worse. Now you don’t know why you’re so scared — you just know that you are.

Fear, that’s all you can think about now, as your body trembles with a heavy, ice-cold feeling. Fear. Panic. Dread. 

The nightmare fades. Eddie’s body, warm and comforting next to yours, becomes a much more tangible thing. But you just can’t shake the feeling it left behind. The bad dream clings to you like smoke and swallows you whole before you can blink.

You shake with the longing to hold the boy beside you. If only you could clutch onto Eddie like a life vest, or a life-sized teddy bear, maybe then you could soothe your racing heart. But you know you don’t want to wake him, just like you know you don’t want him to see you like this — so torn up over a stupid bad dream.

You sit on the edge of the mattress and try to calm yourself down. The attempt is futile. You end up with a tight chest, a pounding heart, and two cheeks damp with fat tears. 

After no longer than five minutes of trying to stave off a panic attack by yourself, do you notice the bed shifting behind you. A wide palm smooths over your trembling shoulders a second later.

Eddie squints at your shivering silhouette, trying to see you better through the darkness and bleary haze of sleep. He finds you slouched over and clawing at your chest like something’s wrong. Your choked-back sobs and quiet sniffles aren’t any less concerning.

“You okay?” the boy slurs as he sits up behind you.

“‘M sorry,” you blurt, voice wet with emotion. You don’t know exactly what you’re apologizing for. You just feel like you should. Through hitched breaths, you manage out, “I didn’t— I didn’t mean to wake you— I’m sorry.”

Eddie shakes his wild head in response. The mattress squeaks under his weight as he shifts closer to you. “It’s okay. I woke up on my own,” he tells you, even though that’s not exactly the truth. “What happened, huh? Are you okay?”

You sniffle and try to respond through feeble gulps of air. “It was just a bad dream. I’m okay—” you blubber through tears, breath catching halfway through.

With his palm pressed to your spine, Eddie can feel each of your rattling breaths as you fight to drag them in. It makes his own chest ache. Your panic is his own.

“Breathe, baby, c’mon,” he urges gently as he slips in beside you. With one hand over your trembling shoulder, he slides his other over your heart. The delicate organ patters with an inhuman vigor against his palm. 

“Gotta calm down, sweetheart,” he murmurs against your temple before pressing a kiss there. “‘Fore you heart explodes on me. Breathe, babe. You’re okay.”

Your swelling throat tightens. “I don’t feel good,” you confess through tiny whimpers, ‘cause you don’t know how else to tell him it feels like you’re dying. You put a cold, trembling hand over one of Eddie’s — the one gently cradling your heart — and fight to stay grounded.

The boy’s brows pinch with concern. “Do you feel like you’re gonna be sick?”

You think for a moment. Then shake your head.

Eddie rubs a hand up and down the length of your back. “You’re doing good, babe. Just keep breathing for me. That’s it.”

He pulls you closer, embracing you despite the awkward angle. Your shoulder presses into his chest as your head nestles between his jaw and shoulder. You rest there until it no longer feels like you’re fighting for each breath. Until your ragged sobs turn into mousy sniffles.

The first thing you think to do after you’ve calmed is apologize.

“‘M sorry,” you murmur, thick with leftover emotion.

You feel his head shake against you, untamed curls tickling your skin. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.”

You snivel. “I feel like such a baby…”

“Everyone has bad dreams, babe. That’s life,” Eddie tells you with a lighthearted laugh. “I can’t count how many times I’ve slept on the couch after having one just so I could be closer to Wayne. Like, that’s embarrassing.”

“No, it isn’t,” you argue with a scrunched nose, cracking a small (but no less sincere) grin.

Eddie smiles at your smiling. He squeezes your shoulder with a gentle hand. “Wanna talk about it?” he offers, watching as you visibly ponder the question. You shake your head in response. He nods in understanding. “Wanna go back to sleep?”

You shake your head again, much less hesitant this time. You’re too scared to shut your eyes for longer than a blink now — lest the nightmare threaten to plague your mind again.

“Wanna sit in the kitchen with me while I make us some hot cocoa?” Eddie offers then.

You nod slowly, pursing your lips to the side of your mouth to hide the smile pulling there. You can’t help but beam, though, when he smacks a kiss to the warm apple of your cheek.

“C’mon, sweet thing,” he urges as he rises from the bed, pulling you gently with him. He guides you out of his bedroom with a warm hand cradling your smaller one. The quiet trailer fills with the sounds of creaking floorboards, bare feet shuffling against carpet, and Eddie’s tender voice.

“I’ll even pick out marshmallows from the Lucky Charms box to put in your cocoa—” he says before a yawn cuts him off. “—‘Cause that’s how much I love you.”

[r0ttenhearts]

can I request a charac using reader who has a crush on them for their own benefits. while reader is left to wonder why chrc acts like a stranger to reader in public. eventually confronting chrc and them brushing it off as not noticing, being too busy. until reader eavesdropped to a convo with chrc's friend abt chrc just using reader. and reader leaves and ignores chrc for a while and chrc slowly starts missing reader's presence, only to see reader with someone else and confronting reader about it. of course charac won't get the happy ending 😈

(preferably scara, or childe-- if u write for him.)

feel free to ignore, I think I haven't expressed my req properly 😭😭.

also can I be 🌧️ anon ? :>

thanks 🌧️ anon for the request ^^ i hope you enjoy!

not your pet, anymore

scaramouche x reader

warnings: angst, arguments, insults, suggestive mentions

“you love me, right?”

“of course i do, scara. you mean so much to me.” you whispered, fingers running through his hair as he leaned against you. his thick eyelashes fluttered shut, hand on his chest as he lay against you.

the biting cold of fall couldn’t compare to the warmth you two shared, huddled together like this. his cheeks still tinted pink from the cold air, hands cold to the touch, it was just the way you liked him to be. cold enough for him to want to sit close to you and warm up.

touches were not a regular occurrence for scaramouche, he was normally dismissive, claiming he hated the closeness of skin on skin contact. but that wasn’t said when he’d tug at the end of your sweater, asking if he could feel more of your warmth. soft pants escaping your lips, his cold hands wandering, bodies on the cold floor of his bedroom. that’s how you’d spend your days after school.

but this time, with your hair sticking to your sweaty forehead as you finished up some of scaramouche’s homework he had passed on to you, something felt different. he was glued to his phone, an unusual smile gracing his lips as his thumbs danced across the device. you frowned, putting down your pen as you watched his face pull up in expressions you had rarely seen.

“who’re you talking to scara?”

“none of your business, (y/n).” he snapped, the smile he had been wearing for a few minutes dropping as his head snapped up to look at you. he sighed dramatically, getting up from the floor as he placed his phone down next to your hand, his face inches away from you.

“so damn nosy (y/n), when you should be doing my essay. are you bored? should i give you more work? or maybe i should let you suck me off, put your mouth to use. i think i like you better when you’re stuffing me in than anything you’ve ever said, anyway.” he sneered, enjoying the silence from you. a slight movement from you caused annoyance to bubbled up inside of him, his face unable to hide that itching feeling.

“you know, if you weren’t like this i’d be nicer to you, hell, maybe i’d love you. fat chance of that happening, i hate you most of the time. the only time i like your mouth open is when you’re making those pretty sounds for me, anything else is just muck.

why’re you so quiet, huh? are you gonna run off to your friends again? tell them how horrible i am? you think someone like collei will bother with you after you tell her what you do in here with me? how you open yourself to me? after swearing to her you’re done with me? you’re fucking something, (y/n). honestly, i’m getting sick of you. can you get the fuck out now?”

scaramouche’s phone buzzes, screen lighting up with a new text message. the both of you glance to it at the same time before he snatches it up, typing away a response as you gather your things without a word. biting your tongue was easier said then done, but you knew the argument would be worse if you said anything to him at all.

with a gentle click of scaramouche’s door, hours had gone by since you made your way home. a warm shower to rid of the nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach, along with the stickiness scaramouche had left you. you weren’t enjoying this, not one bit.

you figured you’d talk to him tomorrow in class, apologize for your inconveniences to him, and have it return to how it usually was after a fight. if you could call it one.

what you didn’t expect was to see scaramouche sitting by the green haired girl, haypasia, his usual seat empty as they sat side by side. quietly setting your things down, you still thought to say good morning to him, as a sign of peace.

standing from your seat, you meekly stood in front of him, hands wringing in front of you nervously. “good morning scara, and haypasia, i was wondering if—“

scaramouche never looked at you the whole time you were standing in front of him, his eyes glued on haypasia as her eyes bore into yours. a bitter smirk on haypasia’s face as she waved you off, scaramouche rolling his eyes before continuing whatever conversation they were having before you interrupted him.

a pain started to form in your chest. that nauseating prick that you’d feel every time you knew scaramouche was fooling around with other girls. cold sweat was all you felt as class droned on, your eyes never leaving the back of scaramouche’s head as his hand would slip underneath haypasia’s desk, sliding her pieces of paper that she would giggle at or turn red to after reading.

why is he being like this? should you have said something yesterday? would the satisfaction of knowing he practically owned you satisfy him enough to not be like this? these thoughts ran through your head until it was time for lunch, that bell being something of a savior as you were freed from seeing him there with her.

childe’s loud laughs caught your attention as he stood with kazuha, an anxious look on the white haired boys face as his eyes locked with yours for a moment. “i mean, just look at her! everyone knows scara is just using her. i heard, he’s been sleeping with (y/n) so he’s good enough to do it with that other girl, whatever her name is. you know her, right kazuha? whatdya think? did you get a piece of her yet too? or is it just scara sinking his claws in her, and something else!”

kazuha’s nervous laugh as childe punched his arm spoke volumes as you stood up, clutching the strap of your bag. kazuha noticed the tears in your eyes as you ran out of the classroom, you had heard every word that came out of childe’s mouth. excusing himself, he ran after you, his soft taps of his feet on the floor in comparison to your loud, cluttered footsteps.

scaramouche heard about this from childe, his demeanor changing once childe gave him the details on how kazuha ran after you. he didn’t know why it bothered him, but it did. no one else should be acknowledging his pet, the one that was so compliant and listened to everything he asked of you.

that’s how he saw you, and that’s all you were to him. right? that egging feeling in his chest as his messages to you were now left on seen more often than not. your cat keychain you hung on your bag that “reminded you of him” being replaced by a charm of a maple leaf, the same one kazuha had on his bag.

it bothered him. and he didn’t try to hide it. every time you’d sit next to kazuha instead of him, he’d grumble under his breath. a part of him ached to see you bare on his bedroom floor again, your fingers running through his hair, your gentle kisses on his forehead when you’d put him to bed when he was in a foul mood. he actually missed you.

but why were you so distant now? surely kazuha wasn’t giving you something he wasn’t, right? he couldn’t. you’d always declared your loyalty to scaramouche, never once breaking it.

then why did you admit you were in love with kazuha? your hands together in front of scaramouche as he scoffs, taking you by the wrist the second those words left your mouth.

“come again? i think i misheard you (y/n). you said you were in love with me just last month. so how do you even think you have feelings for that poet?” his voice wavered, eyes scanning across your face for a sign, a hint of remorse or love that you once held for him.

you shake your head, taking your hand away from scaramouche’s grip but he tightens it anyway. his eyes bore into yours, begging, pleading for it not to be true. for you to laugh it off and say you were kidding.

“he’s.. kind. it’s unlike something i’ve had before, and.. it feels good. it feels good to be wanted, scara. something i never felt with you.”

“something i never felt with you”, those words rung in his head as he laughs loudly, fat tears spilling as he pulls you into his chest. your hands going to push him away as he holds you tightly, laughing through his tears.

“you promised me (y/n), you promised you’d stay. you said you’d stay with me forever, love me forever! please don’t be like them, please don’t let that be a lie.”

“let me go, scara. please.” you whispered, feeling him shake his head as his hands tighten around you.

“n-no, no.. i can’t lose you too. archons, i can’t. what did childe say (y/n)? i promise he didn’t mean it, whatever he said isn’t true! i swear.. let’s just, go back to how it used to be, yeah? you can come over like you used to and- and we just don’t have to have sex. we can do things you like! i swear.. so please..”

his tears had rolled down, coating your neck as he wept. you’d never seen him in such a desperate state. his eyes looking into yours for a hint of what used to be there for him, but there wasn’t. more tears rolled down his cheeks as he let you go. he had fucked up. again. and this time he lost you, the one thing he never thought he’d lose.

“i’m sorry, scara. i’ve moved on. i think you have too with haypasia, you’ll be okay.” you say before picking up your bag, leaving him standing there with a wreck of feelings in his chest.

“you’re just like the rest.” he spat under his breath, harshly wiping at his eyes as the tears continued to flow. a hateful sentence meant to comfort no one but himself. he knew you weren’t at fault for it, he knew one day you’d want something more of him, something he’d be reluctant to give you. the day you finally escaped the clutches of the toxic relationship he had given you, the same day he had deemed the end of his new beginning.

“i never got my forever with you, like you promised. i can’t apologize for hating you for it.”

taglist: @sakiimeo @astrolomona @dearsumire @saeism @shoheartluv @0kauy @lelemnh @kaoriee @samarill

[melissa-titanium]

HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL

do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here

SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED

its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty

EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON

thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.

i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:

they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*

i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE

doll jumpscare

[juyomiao]

take the chance - ricky

ricky x gn!reader

genre: fluff !!! , best friends to lovers

word count: 791

warnings: ENGLISH ISNT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!! so theres going to be mistakes !!! , alcohol consumption but its barely mentioned , is it considered underage drinking if it'd only be considered as underage drinking in countries where the drinking age is above 18/19 ,, (i feel bad for u if u r from any of those countries fr)

note: first actually written work im kinda # nervous my writing skills r .. definitely writing !! this is cringe cliché and based on a dream i had like a month ago . yes im a lesbian yes i dream abt kissing ricky thats completely normal . (friends dont read this i want to disappear rn as i speak)

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You've been to countless parties since the half of the previous school year when your best friend Ricky became popular out of nowhere. You still don't know where that popularity came from, he's always been good looking, it's not like he had some kind of glow up.

Sometimes you think it's more of a curse than a blessing, with all the times you've been dragged to a party you were not invited to because Ricky, being the introvert he is, refuses to go anywhere without you and, consequently, getting dirty looks from everyone for tagging along and 'leeching' off of Ricky's popularity.

Even now, when people have more or less come to terms with the fact that you two are a package deal, you still despise parties, only appreciating a few things about them, like drinking for free and… nothing else, really.

It's not like Ricky enjoys them either, he'd rather stay home with you and watch some romance drama as you eventually fall asleep with your head on his shoulder. But it's not like he can reject every single invite thrown at him. So you two came to a compromise: one weekend at a party, one weekend at your house.

The boredom of awkwardly standing in a corner as you silently watch yet another drunk couple make out, careless of the countless other people surrounding them, soon gets to you, and you blurt out a question.

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

Ricky's calm expression falters for a second, his eyes widening. He just hopes the dimly lit room is hiding the blush creeping on his cheeks.

He's your best friend, how do you not know?

Well, Ricky is a private person and, even having known him for years, he barely talks about his romantic life, so you've never dared prying into it.

"Of course," he says, after composing himself "You?"

You shake your head, breaking eye contact with him. "And I don't think it's going to happen any time soon," you sigh. At this point, it's a hopeless mission.

Ricky is convinced if it wasn't for the loud music in the background, everyone would be able to hear the cogs turning in his brain as it processes this information.

His best friend – whom he has had a crush on since forever – has never kissed someone.

Ricky looks at you through the corner of his eye, wondering if he should take the chance and possibly change your relationship forever – for the better or the worse, he doesn't know.

To you, though, it just looks like he's side-eyeing you with his usual unreadable expression, and you think you fucked up. You assume he's judging you, because not only are you a complete, bitchless loser, but you brought the conversation up yourself.

"Forget it, I don't know why I said that, sorry, now you probably think I'm weird and…" you start rambling, and to Ricky, that's the cutest thing he has ever seen.

God, he's really that down bad.

Suddenly, an idea pops up in his head.

"Can I kiss you?"

The abrupt question leaves you speechless, your words dying in your mouth as you look at him like he has grown a second head.

"What?" It sounds dumb once you say it, but you genuinely think you misheard him. There's no way Ricky, of all people, would ask you something like that.

Ricky smiles, "I said," he turns with his shoulder leaning on the wall so he can look at you directly "Can I kiss you?"

You blink at him, dumbfounded "Wha- what? Did you… what? Did you actually say that? Am I hearing this right?"

Ricky nods, clearly amused by your reaction

"If this is a joke, it's not funny, like, at all."

"Why would I be joking?" Ricky's expression goes back to deadpan serious, he inches closer to your face "So? Is this a yes?"

You nod slowly, still trying to process what's happening. You shouldn't want this, you shouldn't be so tempted to kiss your best friend. But you are.

Before you can overthink it any further, Ricky closes the space between you two. He's hesitant at first, his lips barely brushing against yours, but when you clumsily try to reciprocate the kiss, he takes the lead.

It doesn't feel special, or magic, or like anything else people have described their first kiss as. It's just two best friends who realized their feelings for each other. And to you, that's perfect.

"So… now what?"

"How about we get out of here and go on a date?" You sigh, shaking your head, "Ricky, it's…" you check your phone "1 AM, where would we even go?"

He seems to genuinely think about it for a solid one or two minutes "McDonald's?"

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note 2 bc i cant stfu : WHY IS THE ENDING SO RUSHED I WANT TO SCREAM.. but i've wanted to post this for like a week now so im posting it anyways , pls leave some feedback if u liked it 🫶🏻

[stitchwraith-stingers]

Saw you're family tree post and i love how fleshed how they are! Though i saw you say that that Angela had her own godparent, could you perhaps elaborate on that?

HIIII IM SO GLAD U ASKED... this is one of my fave hcs and im happy i could talk abt it

when she was younger, angela was not in a good headspace mentally, she was extremely depressed to put it lightly, she was also really anxious and when she was 10 she recieved cirrus swiftsky as a godparent, the best i could describe him was like a grandfather to her and looked sort-of fancy, he had a mustache and everything, this wasnt his first rodeo with a kid, hes been doing this for a good few fairy years

angela, altough she used escapism often by reading kids books, she wasnt very "imaginitive" as she describes herself, so her wishes werent anything extreme, and if anything just mostly talked to cirrus about things that were bothering to her, and he wasnt expecting to become a defacto therapist to this kid, he gave her life advice he vaugely remembered while studying to be a godparent (they take mandatory childrens psychology lessons) and gestured her over to try journaling for her thoughts

he often disguised himself as a orange butterfly when outdoors with her (to school, to the park etc), and at home would usually be their pet ferret, who was called tom by her parents

they lasted longer then the usual godparent-godkid duo, 2 years infact, however she was expected to leave him when she was 14 as she was still concidered not yet fully happy, she had accidently blurted it out when her brother walked in on her and she panicked, thus wiping their memories

godparents, if taken away before their kid has been properly reverted to being happy, arent allowed to visit them again, and godkids wont be given another one unless they are in desperate need of them, like if something else drastic happened, even if they are still miserable, this is a big countroversy in the godparenting industry (which i could go on about tbh)

angela, who used cirrus as an anchor, was EXTREMELY distraught, and if anything made her feel worse by the fact she couldnt remember why (codependancy problems, where have i heard that before!) and after afew weeks of refusing to leave her room she decided to go to the library as a way to slowly start getting back to it and she had picked up a psychology book, and thats where she started her psychology interest, along with vaugely remembering her doing jounraling, so she continued and it spiraled into how she is today

though she had picked up psychology books for older people, so she convinced herself she was more "mature" for her age, and even today she hasnt gotten the hang of how 10 year olds should actually work ("lets leave her untill shes ready to come to us" go talk to ur daughter?)

her parents - heather and felix campbell - werent horrible at all, just in the dark about what her kid was doing since she didnt like to share anything she liked with them at all, if anything they were slightly more "loose" if that makes sense, but because she was just anxious she worried that theyd get mad which they often didnt, if that makes sense

she never really had any friends in her life, as she decided she'd focus on that after shes done with her studies, she wasnt really a social outcast, if anything a little socially awkward, shes only had 1 friend during high school and her social life kicked off more in collage, everyone had respected her but she was more of a "i wont talk unless you talk" type of deal, on top of her grades because it gave her something to do in her free time (and she just enjoyed writing essays in general), and she had gotten much much better where she was now! only problem was that she was still anxious about presenting projects

when she was with postpartum depression after hazel was born she couldnt help but feel like she was missing a puzzle piece, yknow how it feels when you know youve forgotten something, but you dont know what? thats how she felt, thankfully she had gotten treatment quickly

hazel does get her more anxious side from her, angela is a good parent and has taught her children to communicate with eachother unlike how she did with hiding it, though she (unknowingly) struggles with properly understanding her 10 year old and being so focused on her work she cant sit down and 'think outside the box' as shes said

[izzy-b-hands]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @sherlockig, thank u Alexz!!

Under the cut bc I got wordy and rambly as per usual lol.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Kind of? In that I more or less named myself after Izzy from our flag lol. Not that I'm going to tell everyone I meet that, but it is a big part of why I stuck with it after trying it out (that, and I've always wanted a name that had the letter zed in it, silly as that may seem.)

One of my middle names (that I had been using as a first name for a few years) is after my grandfather and aunt who also have that name as their middle name.

My deadname was after an actress famous in the 90s (tho tbh my mum apparently didn't choose it for that, she chose it bc she didn't find out my gender until I was Out and then was like 'aw fuck I don't have a name for this situation' and went with the first one she saw in a book of names a nurse gave her. It was only after that she remembered the actress when I was like. 4. that she changed and started telling ppl it was after that instead.)

And technically Holden is after the book character, but mum never actually read that book (and after I described it to her, said she has no interest in doing so lmao), she just liked how the name sounded and that was the one solitary name she for sure had on hand when I was born apparently. Could have saved us all time had she just used that one for me anyway!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Couple of nights ago. I'm doing better abt missing my cat Nisha, but my phone will toss up compilations of pics of her to mark the year/month/etc and sometimes those still get me. It popped up just before I went to bed that night and I was already so tired that I just. broke down. Bc I know she's v loved and looked after w/my mum, but I do miss her goofy lil self a lot. She was my first cat that was given to me and meant to be mine alone, and there's something abt that first pet bond I guess.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope, and it's not a likely thing for me. I've said before that that happening would be in a very specific situation, wherein I'm with someone who wants to dedicate the rest of our lives to raising a child, or god forbid more than one, tho I think I'd max out at two if I managed one at all tbh (and that's not even getting into the very complex for me thing of would I want to actually be pregnant ever (probably not, absolutely terrified of dying in childbirth and don't see myself getting over that easily), we have the funds to make that happen (and give the kid a good life, not just a decent one or 'could have been worse' like my own), and we feel stable mentally, emotionally, and physically (as much as one can outside of Life Happening of course) bc having a kid means putting allll of that first for them, ahead of yourself. Or at least I think it should mean that lol.

But that situation is incredibly unlikely considering my bigger goal in life is to wind up being a third for multiple couples while also fucking any of my friends who are down for it in a big poly ENM sort of thing for lack of better/more detailed definition (I know it sounds unrealistic and maybe it is to a degree, almost definitely is lol.)

I can admit I just. don't want to uproot the life I've been trying so hard to build for myself in so many ways, to have kids. I'll happily help babysit the kids of any friends tho and be the fun uncle that buys them junk food and lets them stay up late to watch movies. I think that's about the level of parenting of any kind that I can handle for now (also tbh I burned out on parenting bc my family admits they parentified the fuck outta me with my three younger cousins. It by far could have been worse, but I spent my teens spending most of my days after school helping look after them from the newborn years and on. Unless my above uber specific scenario happens, then I've probably had my fill of parenting for my lifetime.)

4. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played volleyball for a few years in elementary school, and we were made to participate in a multi-school track and field thing for most of middle school every year, but I was never amazing at them. Housemate and I have figured out I likely have undiagnosed asthma tho (turns out running or going out in too cold or hot weather shouldn't instantly make you gasp, struggle to breathe, and make you taste iron in your mouth, who the fuck knew? Not me, genuinely) so I think that might have a lot to do with it.

I also enjoy tennis and badminton and would love to try rugby, but I've never played any of those beyond a hobby with family/friends.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I do! Probably too much and not always in the best situations, but I've been working for years to hone when and where it should be used so I think/hope I'm a lot better with it than I was when I was younger. Tho even then, I did get adults who found it funny when I was sarcastic bc of how adult I seemed to a lot of them (their words, not mine lmao.)

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

I genuinely don't know. Usually I'm too busy running my script for meeting new ppl in my head and trying to maintain Common and Expected Etiquette to really notice much right away. I have found that after a bit of time/after the initial meeting has passed, I tend to notice colours ppl wear more often than others if I see them often enough, or hair colour. But I don't know if it counts towards this question at that point lol.

7. WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Kinda blueish grey? Some ppl say it's too grey to be blue, others that it's too blue to be grey. I had a lady at the ND DOT freak out abt not being sure if I should have blue or grey on my ID a few years back, and she finally just told me to put blue so 'she could stop feeling so confused.' Was a weird day and the first time I realised apparently they really do have a blend of both colours, enough for it to be upsetting lmao.

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I can't choose between the two; I like both! I also like mixing them together when I write (a scary story with a happy ending, an ending that seems happy but is actually terrifying, so on and so forth.)

9. ANY TALENTS?

Writing? Maybe, I always list it bc it's something I know how to do and to (usually) do decently well. I can sort of draw? But not well enough that I think 'talented' would be accurate to describe how I draw lol. I'm not sure of anything else off the top of my head tbh.

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In California, USA! We were there bc dad was in basic training for the Marines and then just got stuck at Camp Pendleton for years lmao (or that's how he always talks abt it anyway lmao.) Only was actually there until either: a. I was 3 months old, b. I was 6 months old or c. I was actually basically still a fresh newborn. Depends on whether you're talking to my dad, mum, or grandparents as to which answer you get, and at this point I'm genuinely uncertain as to exactly when mum left and took me to North Dakota but 6 months seems the most potentially accurate lmaooo.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, drawing, reading (not enough but I'm trying to remedy that), napping, watching movies/fave shows, and giffing.

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Kind of? My cat Nisha had to stay in North Dakota after I moved, so my mum and her bf are looking after her now (and got her a little sister, a kitten who is getting so big already!, named Bella.) I help Housemate look after aer two cats as well, and I'd like to think the boys consider me like their fun uncle lol (aka I bend over backwards for them and let them steal my spot on the couch all the time, and will break out the treats if needed to corral them now and then. In my defense: they are the cutest lil baby boy cats and they deserve the world, even when they're being little gremlins lmao.)

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

Approximately somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4ish? I can't recall the last time I was actually measured, and most of the ppl I've been around were somewhere between those heights and I'm usually either slightly shorter or slightly taller than some of them, so??? I put 5'3 on my ID tho lol

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

English bc it was easy and I liked almost everything we did in that class. All my general and more specific history courses were a close second, and my foreign language classes a close third.

15. DREAM JOB?

Ideally, I'd love to not have to work. But who wouldn't, so that said, probably something in a library or museum. I'd love to be a library page again, or help work the front desk/docent duties of a museum. Working at someplace like Mystic Seaport would be amazing too; I'd be happy to learn how to help repair/repaint ships that come in or just help do tours or look after artifacts and stuff (tbh they could hire me just to type up any random data entry work they need done for any/all depts and I'd say yes to the job offer lol.) Unfortunately there's fairly significant roadblocks to me achieving any of these jobs rn, but I like to keep them in mind, just in case.

Also, if I can have one dream job that would be even more unlikely and is slightly TMI probably but: paid third for a rich couple. I show up, look nice, [redacted], make sure they're both good for the night, then go back home to Housemate (if it wouldn't be a night they'd want me to stay over, which I wouldn't be against but also. That would require some overtime pay lol.) The chances of this one are...so unlikely it's stupid funny, but a man's allowed to have dreams right lmao?

Tagging (if u guys wanna, no obligation if u don't wanna/have already been tagged/etc!!): @starmoonchildfromthebeamsabove, @freebooter4ever, @willowenigma, @turtleduck-tales, @mash1972, @mysteriouslybluepirate, @turtles-on-turts, @cononeillbreastingboobily, @treesofgreen, @dianetastesmetal, @arsenicflame, @gydima, @king-bussy, @p0ochy, @crvwly, and anyone else following me who wants to!

[okkottsus]

I love reading your analysis of Nagireo!

One thing I was wondering, what do you think of Nagi (foreshadowed) future slump?

I feel like things will get dire for him, and I can't help but wonder how Reo would react.

Nagi feels very... emotionally immature and while Reo can be very fiery and we saw how emotional he can get, he's the one that feels more in touch with his own emotions and has better life experience.

For better or worse, being away from Reo forced Nagi to confront his own feelings more.

I wonder if Reo won't realize they got back together too early and leave him (this time maybe more amicably? Or maybe force himself to leave him) for his own sake.

Ego's dialog feels very ominous... they were very happy in that moment but there is a very sense of "now what?".

thank u so much, i feel like i never express myself well enough esp with characters and relationships im passionate abt so that means a lot 🥺

yeah i get what u mean about nagi's emotional immaturity...in the latest match, when isagi asked him how he was able to make his best play yet a reality, nagi  didnt really understand what had happened. he only wanted to beat isagi, that has been his first goal, the first step to achieve the bigger dream he shares with reo. 

and while he himself couldnt see that, reo was the first to notice despite everything that happened between them, so he created a chance for him to have a 1v1 with isagi. 

the problem is that, as isagi points out later, if u dont understand how u made something happen, you probably wont be able to be consistent and replicate it (this has been a recurring theme of blk since the start of the manga):

a goal that u only made happen because u had the person who knows u the best and is your closest friend give you exactly what you need in the moment, has little value in the grand scheme of things. Without a clear goal and reo’s help, nagi wouldnt have been able to do something like that. 

So the next step he should be taking is working on his weapons, instead of relying on the perfect opportunities reo can provide him with.

maybe its time for nagi to try and catch up to reo, and not only in terms of play-making 

but also in terms of self awareness 

i also love the fact that while reo can seem completely selfless when he declares this, he is also completely selfish, cause at the end of the day hes doing this for his dream, for himself. he loves playing with nagi and making him score goals, but his hard work which got him to where he is now doesnt rely on nagi being there, he hasnt abandoned himself in favor of nagi. 

BUT he still seems to always choose nagi over anyone when they are playing together and even though my shipping heart is tempted, i think thats not a good thing at all... cause their cooperation may be top class, but it also makes them predictable after a while. 

reo has learnt to play without nagi, but he needs to learn how play with nagi without forgetting everyone else on his team. 

so the way i see it, reo has made more significant progress than nagi, but he still needs to work on seeing the bigger picture when nagi is by his side.

nagi on the other hand has even more things he needs to work on. he shouldnt feel reassured bc of that one (miracle) goal or bc he managed to beat isagi once. if he ended up satisfied with just that, then he wouldnt belong in the world of professional players

Ego is right when he said that confidence and delusion are 2 different things. Nagi needs the power that will enable him to fight alone in any situation and to obtain that power, he has to confront his feelings, his weapons and his shortcomings. and that demands soul searching, practice and a lot of thinking, all things i bet nagi thinks are a pain pftt.

but i want to be optimistic and think of this as another challenge he (actually, both of them) will have to conquer. im very conflicted though, cause the way i see it, what reo needs to work on now requires them to be on the same team, while what nagi needs to work on requires alone time.

in conclusion, things may have worked out between them in terms of understanding each other, but im hoping they start understanding themselves more; acknowledging their weaknesses and taking the necessary measures to overcome them. 

i do think that reo the way he is now is more likely to realise what needs to be done than nagi, whose issues are the most urgent in my opinion. so i can def see them going their separate ways for a while again, whether its reo making that decision, or nagi, or both of them together (with the latter being the ideal for me).

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

[squealing happily as i plop down on your lap, sharing my armloads of snacks and yummy fizzy drinks] OKAYOKAYOKAY , listen listenlistenlisten—

aside from the brainrot i've alr shared in dms , my frontal lobe has amplified the hyperfixation i have on + in this community right now so just imagine it with me.

like..... maybe it's just me , but there's something just so tantalizing about lee!changbin. right? just him being given all the love he could ever be given, all while being forced to see how adored he is , not only by his lovely members , but by stay as well!!~

idk if you know this but i'm an absolute sucker for the angst—hurt/comfort trope. 🥹 just the idea of one of the boys being comforted & reassured when they're going through a rough time heals me subconsciously , i think that's why i love it sm.

likeeee i was thinking of binnie & u take care of him so well in all your fics already they just :(( they make me so soft !! albeit , a certain puppy is catching my attention heavily these days. i was rly just thinking abt seungmin bro + how amazing he is?? like ,, his depth of character is smth i can ponder on and really marvel at. it baffles me cuz....

yk how seungminnie is one of the more misunderstood members?? he's known for being strong and disciplined and super dee duper smart , with cloud-soft features and the sweetest smile and a voice that lulls our stay nation into peace.... he's ofc our savage lil puppy 😆🥰. he's lovely and silly and entirely undermined. i want him to be caught in a vulnerable moment(s) , a moment(s) where he lets his walls down and allows himself to shed his composure and just feel the motions in all of its entirety and rawness. & his members are there for him every step of the way; they turn his bitter tears to joy and mirth , and suddenly the sky becomes one with the sun (that smile we love sm 😭🩵).

i dunno man, i just have a thing for the unflappable becoming.... flapped. (😭💀?) i have a thing for the cracks of humanity showing through what was previously thought impenetrable. in this case, the first members that come to mind are minho, seungmongmong... [ imagine a little hurt/comfort number with those two !! :(( our divorced-but-not-really couple. they may show to the cameras a tom-and-jerry esk relationship, but if anyone looks deeply, it's easy to see how their adoration for one another goes to the bones. aughhh imagine a small misunderstanding between them — maybe some staff/managers tell them to amp up their little love-hate concept, but it actually leads to an argument or something that goes beyond the cameras. tears are shed, words are exchanged, the works. they make up of course, and what better way to make up wounded plots other than sweet persuasive tickles and snuggles? 🤭🥹 ]

....... and our sweetpea wolf pup channie ofc.

gosh, that man works entirely too hard. every so often i remember the story from 2kr that he started crying from frustration and exhaustion, straight up in the middle of a meal, in a public restaurant, in front of seungmin, bc he trusted seungmin — solid as a rock seungmin — with his emotions in that moment and it's very much a whole thing to me. personally, i just want to pull him into an entirely too tight (but just-enough-ly comforting) hug that would last for hours, listen to any and all of his worries. from all the work and greatness he's been doing for years.... golly, i wouldn't mind if he went on a break that lasted a year or more. he deserves it, all of them do. they all work so hard :((

speaking of channie, imagine him breaking down in front of the members , or even worse , in secret (which i'm p sure happens irl too and i just MADE MHYSELF SADDER KJDJKSJH ITS NOT BC I BIAS HIM SHUDDUP 😭😭💔💔) from a reallyyyy bad stress pileup & maybe he even let it build up and slip to a point where he accidentally snaps a lil at his members :(( & ofc they go to look for him , either for confrontation or concern -> comfort (tho it would've led to that in any and all cases) just to find a sobbing and very regretful wolf pup licking at his wounds in painful silence and solitude <//3 :((

said member(s) would then take him into their lap , hold his hands in theirs and gently but firmly coax his worries out of him , hereby forcing him to say exactly what caused him to boil over and how to prevent it from happening in the near future bc they're there. he doesn't have to face his demons alone. & ofc , bc channie is channie , they get a slurred apology through his anguished tears , and he just lets himself be held as said member rocks him back and forth in their arms & channie cries it all out until he's drained.

+ once he's coaxed back into the land of the living with soft head scritches and readjusting of positions into a tighter hug, maaaaybe the hand(s) that had slipped into his hoodie [ skin-to-skin contact is very comforting + scientifically proven to bring such a sense , just like it's used to calm a crying baby :')) ] to rub small circles into his back rubbed down into his sides and , without rlly meaning to , he flinches and giggles bubble up from his tired throat. you can imagine how the rest goes 🥲🫠😚 & what a thing it'd be if seungmongie was this mystery member !! either him or minho ,,, and where one skz member is, the rest follow. it's just clockwork. or fate. 🥰

aghhhh i just,, love them. sm. sssssssoo much. they make me:

I WANNA FIND A WAY TO INCORPORATE ALL OF THIS INTO MY FICS BUT IDK HOWWW :C imma find a way zeep DO NOT WORRY

BUT LEE! MINHO AND LER! SEUNGMIN?!?! eating through my brain like termites to wood GRAHHHh 🫠🫠💗💗

LEE CHANNIE LER SKZ IS HAPPENING FOR TICKLETOBER DONTCHU WORRRYYY <3333

i love these love them love you love skz hadhwfnerifhenge

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your mekatrio + Ayano hcs esp post-str? I’m still bitter that we didn’t get to see their reunion in mca

FOR FUCKING REAL UGH mca giving us the Good ending but at the same time starving us horribly. like it only delivered on ayano and hiyori being alive 😭 but we dont even SEE hiyori we just pathetically point at her silhouette and then we see shinaya scene that seems to have gotten the whole budget in animation. there is something that irks me abt the shinaya scene in str being so damn pretty and then ayanos theory of happiness is. THAT. like when i remember ayanos theory of happiness in mca i lose my mind bc sometimes i cant believe that rly happened. kagepro is such a joke

WAIT THIS ISNT MCA BASHING ITS MEKATRIO TIME omg post str tateyama siblings♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ i think ayano feels insanely guilty for leaving them alone for so long and feels like a damn failure and well ayano's mental stability post str is something to be studied by scientists let's just say she's BARELY hanging in there. she's desperate to make up for lost time and so is the trio but the trio is more like hey WE are also there for u if u need it especially kido and seto to BOTH kano and ayano, like we dont want you guys to ever hide something like that from us again bc we are supposed to be a family and we're in this together ok??? especially now that their parents are gone gone. like kenjirou had been long gone since before properly dying but... it still hits different that he's REALLY gone for good.

but if anything this drives ayano to try to suck it up even more. she's not even relying on kano anymore because she sees how it's affected him that she did rely on him so much back then, and she's even MORE incredibly guilty over it. ayano would be helicoptering over all 3 and ESPECIALLY kano.

kido has been carrying the pressure of trying to be The Big Sister replacement after losing 2 big sisters of their own, seto is sort of projecting all his insecurities and pain onto helping mary and obsessing over how much worse she had it as if that somehow takes away his right to also be upset and kano is. (gestures at his whole thing) i think post str kano is the most messed up of them all and i mean ALL the dan, even more than ayano or shintaro LMAO

because while ayano and shintaro are sort of clumsily tripping and stuff in the way of healing they're still in that path while kano is actively spiraling down bc he's so used to being miserable and now he's gotten everything he's ever wanted and he feels so undeserving and guilty and lost and alone. and ayano is here BEGGING to be relied on and needed but kano KNOWS BETTER than to do that because he knows ayano is hurting too and in the same way she is sucking it up for his and their siblings' sake he is doing the same for her. its such a mess. i love emotional constipation.

kano is on his way to a very very VERY ugly meltdown like im talking about a sort of um maybe 💀 attempt. YKNOW WHAT I MEAN. erm... ayano too actually but i think she is most likely to seek help before it gets to that point especially since teehee she's. done that before. also ayano is sort of distracting herself with her relationship mess with shintaro bc that's ridiculous and its EASIER to be hurt about that than everything else. like somehow this silliness sort of saves her LOL not to sidetrack to shinaya but i think a big reason theyre so fucking messy is not only the obvious reasons but also they find comfort in that because that way they can be primarily worried about stupid shit like bwaaa u cuddle with ur asuna body pillow and not me instead of THE TIMELINES...WEVE DIED 1000 TIMES.... IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN.... yknow what im saying!

i think she ends up breaking down to mekatrio and they all hold her while she cries the same way she held them while they cried when they reunited :(( i think when they reunite ayano is crying but Not sobbing while the mekatrio is like a fucking mess clinging to her and stuff. kind of like when shintaro goes get ayano like u dont have to fight alone anymore. ayano is like that to her siblings when they reunite she wants to be strong and let them cry like little kids again because they've been getting by alone for so long

i think breakdowns happen like. seto first, then kido second, then ayano, then kano (and kano's is UGLY like something very bad happens for this to take place)

also there is something so interesting to be explored in post str mary and ayano. ayaki is still the same person as ayano yknow, kinda... like everything ayaki does is something ayano in this route is capable of as well. and maybe in the worst part of her ayano resents mary even if she knows she shouldn't, and she's also troubled over seto obsessing over her so much instead of taking care of his own baggage. teehee.

surprisingly kido is the most put together of the 4 but theyre rather like a pressure bomb abt to go off LOL i think their breakdown begins through them getting REALLY REALLY MAD and exploding at everyone. it could start with something like kano putting the empty milk back in the fridge instead of throwing it away LMAO also kido's self steem is basically nonexistent and relies completely on trying to be this Cool Leader so a breakdown is absolutely forbidden. but it happens♥️ everyone needs therapy 👍👍👍

[tinpani]

what's mimi and kara's married life like? Does she get along with the other matsus? Or the background characters?

*cracks knuckles*

their married life is awfully mundane and there isn’t much to really say about it. mimi is the breadwinner and has BEEN the breadwinner. karamatsu is only expected to cook and clean, and mimi’s not going to make him get a job because. let’s face it karamatsu is a trophy husband and mimi is rich as hell

if they ever have kids, they’ll be adopted. mimi miiiiight not be able to have kids ….. but that’s just a theory …… a mimi theory……

“does she get along with the other matsus 🥺🥺🥺” bitch. don’t ask that question. ichimatsu is threatened by mimi. literally. mimi doesn’t like how rude he is to karamatsu and like i knowww they’re brothers that’s what brothers are like to each other, but that’s ALSO mimi’s significant other and it ALSO doesn’t like how he just . takes it.

mimi gets a bit mad at ichi, ichi tries to retaliate, but then remembers this is a Rich Girl that could probably do worse things than beat him up he cannot comprehend (bullying ?) that it will not face any consequences for.

lemme uhhh thing from discord:

ok ok. once upon a time osomatsu and mimi were rly close friends like that bitch was its bestie (aside from nyaa ofc) and he would borrow money and talk shit abt choromatsu and fuck arnd w mimi and it was awesome even if mimi didnt rly understand him that well but whatever. he (+ kara) inevitably introduced it to choro so it could understand what osomatsu is talking abt, tho it clicked well w choro . wasnt much of a big deal. until mimi started hanging out w choro more bc mimi understands him better than oso and then mimi realises it doesnt get along with osomatsu *at all*. ex osomatsu would ask mimi for an opinion (that he doesn't actually care for) and mimi would be accustomed to say "do whatever u want", whereas choromatsu would ask mimi for an opinion, mimi would say "do whatever u want", and choro would say "i literally asked u for a reason dont gimme that" and mimis like "omg . " . and it starts to notice that it does not feel exhausted after being with choro like it did with oso. eventually mimi just stops talking to oso altogether .

damn! sad !! also that happens so gradually i think oso only kind of notices.

like i said b4 mimi’s close w choromatsu. of course it is they’re both otaku but mimi likes anime more than idols so they try to introduce each other to the stuff they like (actual thing i do watch demon slayer. watch demon slayer. watch demon slayer NOW)

that isn’t to say mimi being friends with nyaa and choro means nyaa and choro are friends. choromatsu thought that but quickly found out that was Not True At All

i also think it’s rly funny how mimi iru and choro can be like a “smart group” or whatever but mimi and iru are actually smart and choro gets lost and feels left out when they talk abt smart successful ppl shit. i mean mimis like an engineer or something

but no like when it’s just choro and mimi it’s awesome. they go shopping together bc choro won’t make fun of it for wanting to go to anime stores and choro sometimes forgets mimi’s a “girl” and not one of his brothers so when mimi’s like “ohh i need to go 2 uhh victoria’s secret or some shit” and choromatsu’s like “nooo you can’t!!! wait.” and then remembers he’s out with a “girl” omg

jyushimatsu’s chill. that’s all i can say. he’s awesome. mimi’s a bit frightened of totty and totty is a bit frightened of mimi. when will they get over this 😢

mimi does in fact get along with normal people! you’ve read before mimi is super close with nyaa and even calls her nyaa-dono which she finds funny. mimi is also friends with dobuko and chibita, and speaks to atsushi on occasion. it’s a regular at sutabaa and aida and sacchi know it, too, though they were quite alarmed to see it come in with karamatsu on its arm of all people.

and of course it knows more people than that. it’s got employees that have employees that have employees. there might be more to that chain idk i haven’t thought about it enough.

[genderqueerdykes]

i truly do feel like there were many consequences to being 'wrong' about my gender and orientation earlier in life. like physical, emotional, sexual, and potentially traumatic consequences. Im not saying that exploration or identity was wrong and shouldn't have happened, but actions we take to explore an identity can carry a lot of weight.

there are consequences for some actions, but most if not all of those are impermanent

early in life is you don't know yourself yet. when you are young u are quite literally supposed to make the most amount of mistakes when you are young. the questioning process is not linear and takes many twists and turns. HRT and top surgery generally are not considered or carried out in minors, and if HRT is carried out it's usually after a lot of confirmation that that is correct.

i came out as genderqueer in 2011, then a binary trans man by pressure from my family/friends to identify w/ a binary gender in 2014, then detransitioned from a binary trans man to whatever i am in 2022. the only consequence in me being wrong about being a binary trans man for 8 or so years was it felt wrong... to me. that's it. the only consequence now as i detransition is that i regret allowing other people to dictate my transition like that

i wasn't lying to people at the time, when you are genuinely wrong about something, u are not lying. i thought i was a binary man for all that time bcus nonbinary identities were not as well known as they are now. i was forced into binary trans man transition, and it felt right to me at the time because it was the transition ppl around me let me access. i'm just not a binary trans man tho and it's ok that i was wrong, my life hasn't fallen apart, im still the same person the words i use now are just different lol

it is possible to be wrong about being gay and dating someone you're incompatible with but generally speaking if the situation turns out to be traumatizing to the person it's because that specific situation was traumatizing, not bcus they were wrong abt being gay. same if u are wrong about being trans- like sure it is possible to get into dangerous situations, but it's because that situation was dangerous that it was traumatizing, not that you were wrong about being queer. if u allow something to weigh on ur mind, sure, it'll have perceived consequences, but what goes on in your head and your heart is nobody's business but your own. if people refuse to update their internal image if you in their mind or hold on to things for the sake of semantics unnecessarily, a better support network is highly recommended

there werent consequences about me being wrong abt and acting like i was cishet for a long time, nor being wrong abt being a trans man. i didn't hurt anyone or screw anything up by living that way, nothing in my life permanently changed that i already did not want changed (HRT, not being seen as a cis woman, etc.), and i didn't come out the other side for the worse or agonizing or traumatized for identifying as a man. i aws traumtized by a lot of the cis men i forced myself to hang out with, but i wasn't traumatized by trans man transition. ftm transition wasn't the problem, it was the people i chose to socialize with that traumatized me. hope that helps make it more clear. i don't follow the logic (shrug) but cheers, that is how u feel and u are entitled to it!

[ashmp3]

okay re: ur vocal note/rant bc ofc i listened i have issues yeah omg i put it on in the background like a little podcast

and like i am sooo with you on this 😵‍💫 like its so unfair abt how a girl will take out her insecurity and anger at a guy and put it onto ANOTHER girl instead of the guy!!!! like be mad at him like it just sounds so 16th century witchhunt that apparently the guy isn't responsible for who he wants to sit and talk to and rather theyre mad that another woman is trying to charm and bewitch him like boohoo sorry u only see other women as competition and also u sound like a better person than me bc best believe if i was friends w a girl and she acted like that i would be playing breakup playlists and sulking and ripping my hair out and writing w a glitter red gel pen abt all the curses that i want to befall her bc there is nothing worse than being a girls' girl and then being hated by other girls!!!!!!!!! (esp bc of a man) feels like hell is a pit in ur stomach!!!!!!!!

and to insert myself omg i graduated hs a year and a half ago now but even from then until now ive had the same friend group which is a group of guys and for no other reason than that i genuinely like them and theyre like a group of brothers to me and we vibe but the hatred from other girls is literally heartbreaking 😭 bc every so often i would hear in high school abt 'oh xyz from this group of girls called u a pick me and talked abt u and said u want male attention' which is a batshit crazy take bc everyone knows that i preferred women anyway like wdym im not gonna date any of those guys in my group we are friends...just friends....and once in y10 this guy was obsessed w me and he was like a millionaires son and popular and i was shy and kinda intrigued so i dated him for a little while but 16 year old me would hear comments 24/7 in the hallways abt how i was some slut for doing it (it being dating him) which is crazyyyy bc every single one of these comments came from girls (and girls who i knew liked this guy)

so like omg yes to agree w u on everything nothing is more infuriating and annoying as hell when like girls forgo ur friendship and ur good intentions and just the overall sisterhood vibe bc theyre mad some guy is into u...like even if ur not into him back 😭 sorry for the long ass ask

call her daddy count your days call her ashmp3 is coming to take over ur little podcast…

i KNOWWW but genuinely she doesn’t have any reason to be mad at either of us? like he sat next to you because you dragged him there and then all you did was bat your eyelashes and giggle and i know she’s shocked that this didn’t work because she is really so pretty and men kneel down just to talk to her. And i am sure the guy doesn’t even like me i think I was intriguing to him and we hit it off well so of course it might look like that. also she knows i don’t even want him she KNOWS who i got my eyes on so i was just so shocked at her behavior.

also the whole thing about breakup playlists and red glitter pen i love you you are so funny and expressive i giggled… And yeah i don’t do that i’m like oh well moving on. I don’t like dwelling on things, and i don’t get sad i get mad. Mad because as you said, being a girls girl and then it flipping on you is just aggravating.

PEOPLE DO THAT ALL THE TIMEEEE like why is it so hard to believe that you see them as friends and they see you as a PERSON that’s their FRIEND no i’m telling you it’s girls that see attention from a guy as a confidence boost or confirmation that they are worth something which is all fucked up and not normal way to think about yourself… But i think the deep insecurities just come from the place of wanting to be accepted. And they can’t understand that you hanging out with your friends doesn’t mean anything more because they themselves couldn’t do it aka they would try and flirt… So u get hated on bc they project themselves and think what they would do. FUCKED UP!

i had that happen with another cancer guy and in hs and still now i don’t have instagram facebook nothing i am a monk in a body of a baddie. But i remember my friend showing me profile of random girl and saying “she hates you and talks shit about you bc of cancer guy” like you don’t KNOW ME. Hate HIM lmfaoosjdjsjs i mean don’t hate anyone… Crazy

and 🫂🫂🫂 long asks are always welcome and thank you for listening to my rant and i am sorry you went through things like this bc it’s truly heartbreaking being reduced to a “pick me” just because you don’t act shy around just some guys.

[luvrblythe]

well.., are they? || gilbert blythe x f!reader

jealous gilbert basically

got carried away again omfg someone stop me

warnings : cursing (from me lol), billy andrews, slut shaming but no sexual activities actually happen, idk if thats it

i was also inconsistent bc i kept using both "u" and "you" i apologize for that

— he would never say it out loud thats for sure

— if u weren’t together or anything he wouldn’t really be all petty about it

— big boy knows his place

— but he may throw in some subtle moves to get ur attention

— if he feels like it that is

— idk where i’m going with this

— but if you were together or like he was courting u or smth

— he’d definitely do something abt it

— if u thought he was protective while he was only crushing on u bbg he’s like 10 times worse now

— or better, if u like that sort of stuff

— he’s definitely not possessive protective, he just rlly doesn’t want u getting hurt :(

— i’m going off topic

— billy’s an ass

— we all know that

— but he also has a maaaassive crush on u

— and u being u 

— u were oblivious to his painfully evident attraction to u

— your mind and heart was too full of your gilbert you couldn’t possibly think of any other man in that way

— gilbert on the other hand, has known about billboy’s crush on u for years

— flashbacks to when he keeps calling him “bud”

— he didn’t rlly do anything abt it at first, bc yk, he didn’t rlly have the right to

— but u were his girl now 

— side note he wouldn’t call u “his girl” if you didn’t like it:))

— alr back to billiards

— he was soo fucking

— ugh idk but he was acting like a grade a asshole that's for sure

— he’d like constantly be around u

— and like help u out with stuff like gilbert would

— u didn’t think much of it, most of the boys u knew were gentlemen

— but then he started spreading rumors

— apparently u two made out when u came over his house over the weekend

— when u were actually at gilbert’s

— here we go

— monday came and it was torture

— the second u came through the door, the girls rushed to you and pulled u into their little corner

— side note #2 i’d give anything to be invited to their little corner

— u got bombarded with questions

— somehow they all knew they were just rumors

— they all understood how in love u are with gilbert, and they knew u too well to know u would never

— except josie

— she was being a bitch about the whole thing

— called u nasty words

— “you enjoy being passed around, y/n? i mean i’m not surprised, we all knew how you were gonna turn out. just didn’t think it’d be this early.” 

— fuck u josie

— the girls immediately came to ur aid, especially anne and diana

— i love them all so much

— meanwhile outside, billy and some boys were playing catch

— while gossiping ofc

— while u were basically scared for your life, billy was being congratulated

— for stealing blythe’s girl apparently

— “such sweet lips she had, couldn’t get enough of me. she was practically begging for more!” he laughed while tossing the ball to charlie

— ugh

— “really? y/n? y/n y/l/n? i never thought she’d be disloyal to gilbert. the two are practically engaged.” charlie added

— “i thought so too, but—, guess she just couldn’t control herself.” billy replied as he laughed along with the other boys

— what he didn’t know was that gilbert was listening the whole time

— ofc he knew this wasn’t true, he was practically glued to u all weekend

— omg new blurb idea

— anyways

— the second he heard this his mind immediately went to u

— how were u doing? were u alright? oh what would people say about u if they heard about this?

— he knows u arrive to school earlier than him so he concluded that u probably already heard about all this

— he desperately wanted to check on u

— but he had to deal with this dickhead first

— gilbert blythe style

— he walked towards the group

— but not like power walk walk

— yk that slow smug walk that ppl do when they’re about to confront someone?

— like they’re just letting their feet carry them and smirking? u get the point

— he walked over, jaw clenched but smirking nonetheless 

— “hey billy! how’s it goin’?” he smiled as he swung his arm around billy

— “hehey, bud! oh– have you heard the news?” he replied

— “yep, yeah the second i got here.” gilbert smiled

— billy pulled away so he could face gilbert “hey, uh– i’m sorry ‘bout your gi— y/n. i mean we all know how girls get. they can be such—”

— ooh

— before he could finish, gilbert’s fist met his face

— he punched him so hard he literally fell to the ground

— the boys gasped, which caught the girls’ attention

— it also caught your attention, which halted ur sobbing 

— oh did i mention u were sobbing? bc you know, 19th century, small town, word gets around, and unfortunately for u weren’t rich and privileged so ur reputation was very fragile

— u all scurried towards the window

— and u saw gilbert bend down to billy’s level, fisting his collar in his hand

— “try saying anything like that about my girl again– or any girl for that matter– i’ll aim for your mouth next time so you’ll finally zip it.” he sneered

— i literally don’t know how to write threats i’m so sorry

— billy couldn’t say anything. but before he could even nod, he was shoved down to the ground again

— bro where’s the teacher my god

— he made his way inside, prepared to comfort you

— and when he was met by your tear stained face and glossy eyes, his heart broke for you

— he pulled you aside while the girls retreated back to their little corner

— he led you to the coat room area thingy i forgot what its called

— and just pulled you into his arms

— my touched starved ass omg

— u rubbed your face on his shirt to wipe your tears which made him laugh

— u pulled away, but staying close enough so your chests are almost touching, and he kept his hands on your shoulders to ground u and to remind u that he’s there

— “i hate him now.” you mumbled

— “just now?” he chuckled, reaching his hand out to wipe a stray tear off your face

— “he’s dumb, and stupid,” “those mean the same—” “whatever!” you cut him off

— “i mean if you’re gonna spread a rumor, at least make it believable. and there weren’t even any witnesses! he didn’t even know where i was this weekend, and he has siblings! if i was at his house they would know.” you rambled angrily while playing with one of the buttons on his vest

— “adorable” he thought

— “i know, sweetheart, i know. but it’s alright now, he won’t be doing that again anytime soon.” he said while rubbing ur arm and tucking ur hair behind ur ear

— “everyone will think badly of me now.” you huffed, a soft pout adorning ur lips as u looked down at the wooden floor

— “don’t you worry, my love. i’m sure only very few people would believe that nonsense. and you said he was stupid right? billy isn’t capable of getting away with spreading a rumor. your name will be clear in no time.” 

— god i love him so much

— “what else did he say?” you asked, your voice soft as you looked up at him

— “he said your lips were sweet.” he replied, jaw clenching at the thought of billy knowing how amazing it is to kiss you

— only he is supposed to know how your kisses feel

— “well.., are they?” you laughed softly, attempting to lighten the mood as a sweet smile started growing on ur pretty face

— “hm, i don’t know, i'm having trouble recalling.” he replied, putting on a faux thinking face

— “oh my! we can’t allow that now, can we?” you gasped sarcastically as he laughed at your antics

— “perhaps you need a reminder?” you looked up at him with a smirk

— “oh fine, since you insist.” how could he deny such an offer?

— you leaned up to peck his lips once, but before you could pull away, his hand found the back of your head while the other rested on your waist, deepening the kiss and pulling you closer if that was even possible

— it made your head all fuzzy

— a good fuzzy

— when you pulled away he was looking down at you with the smuggest face ever

— you wanted to smack it off him

— lovingly

— then mr. philips finally arrived

— when you went to sit down you saw billy in his seat with a grumpy face and a bruised cheek

— you looked at gilbert as to say “you did this??”

— and he did nothing but wink at you

— and he did keep his word

— your name was cleared and billy apologized to you

— with his parents and siblings right behind him

— prissy was so disappointed

— this turned into protective gil instead of jealous gil

— oops

[angelplummie]

Can you do bully tendon or atsumu ???? Pls I love your work🥺🥺

SECRETS

BULLY MIYA ATSUMU X F!READER

masterlist

Warnings: bullying, verbal abuse, manipulation, negging i suppose???, angst, anger issues (once more), reference to suicide, depression, unrequited love, i want to say mommy issues, there’s no solid proof, but i just know they’re there

Atsumu was nice to you, or that’s what he told you.

He didn’t make you embarrass yourself, or give him sexual favours, or even lend him money. You should be thankful he’s so kind on you, there are much worse guys out there that would abuse the leverage he has over you, trust him, he would know.

But just because there are worse guys doesn’t stop the constant stream of texts you get from him everyday after school, sometimes in the morning if he’s up early enough.

u looked rlly gross today

maybe u should get plastic surgery, maybe then boys will want to fuck u

u should hear how they talk about u in the locker room, it’s hilarious

I should record some for u next time

also do u hear how loud you pant when you run LMAO

how do u even show up to gym without wanting to killing urself?

why don’t u ever respond?? Maybe if u grew a personality I’d lay off a bit

ur lucky I even pay attention to u, ur so boring and useless and ugly, I don’t know why I bother

u better not b thinking abt blocking this number, and u better not snitch. I’ve been nice and haven’t laid a finger on a greasy little hair of urs, but don’t push ur luck

The first couple times it happened, you couldn’t come out of your hysterics, absolutely balling, listening to ping after ping after ping.

Nowadays you hardly even read them, and you aren’t sure why he keeps doing it. He should know he’s effectively destroyed your body image by now, you don’t leave the fucking house and when you do it’s in baggy t-shirts and sweats. You don’t know what he’s after, maybe he thinks he’s sustaining it now, he’s pushed it down but he’s gotta keep it low, as if the human ego is that resilient.

Whatever it is, he keeps doing it.

And you can sense his annoyance at your indifference, he wants you to really soak in every word he says, to feel it hit you as hard as the first times, have you scrabbling at your keyboard to type ‘pls stop, why r u doing this?’

U kno what, I’m not entirely sure ur reading these.

I think what I’ll do is give u a little test tomorrow after school, u won’t mind coming to practice will u?

You roll your eyes and throw your phone on your bed. He can’t ‘test you’ over the phone?

Your phone lights up again.

Don’t fucking leave me on read when I ask u a question, will u be there after school? I’m not asking again.

You sigh and pick it back up, shooting him a quick Yes, Atsumu, and putting your phone on do not disturb. You could check in the morning if he said anything of note that he’d want to test you on, but for now, you just wanted to sleep.

Ugh, this is such a pain. I don’t wanna go to the volleyball practice. He will definitely be there, I don’t want him to see me. I don’t want anyone on the volleyball team to see me. Whatever. It’s not like I can not go, Atsumu will just do something worse. I’ll just get it over with.

The next morning, you woke in a cold sweat. It was that same fucking dream. You were in the right on the shore of a stormy ocean, but every time you tried climbing out you ended up getting dragged back in further to the grey ocean. It always ended with a tentacle wrapping around your leg and yanking you deeper, and then you’d be up.

Better check your phone, he might ask you something about it and you can’t imagine anything good coming from if you failed his impromptu quiz.

Oh, that’s weird. He only sent 1 message.

You open it, pushing hair out of your face and trying to wake yourself up a bit more.

Your heart plummets as you read the text, you can hear his stupid smug voice saying it too.

btw, if u somehow manage to mess this up, then i might slip up and tell someone something u really don’t want him to know

That fucking bastard.

That evil fucking bastard.

You wanted to scream. You can’t believe you were stupid enough to tell him at the end of second year that you still had an enormous, absolutely devastating crush on his fucking twin brother.

He wasn’t like the other boys in your year. He was gentler, he wasn’t so loud or so scary. When you spoke to him, he would actually listen.

You, him and Atsumu were actually somewhat of a trio all through first and second year, you remember the hours you spent at practice with them, watching them bicker, being the completely biased judge to settle all their disputes, cheering at their games, hiding in their closet when their mother grounded them from seeing their friends. You don’t know what happened, but you didn’t see Tsumu all summer, then when he came back he was a whole different person.

After summer, Atsumu wasn’t the only one to change. Osamu wondered why you hardly hung out anymore, why the only time he saw you was in lesson (where you thankfully sat near each other), and when he did see you, why you looked so drained, so... miserable. He didn’t push though, he didn’t want to overwhelm you, but he had to admit he was worried.

You never planned to tell Osamu how you felt, how could you? You knew you weren’t anything like what boys your age wanted. Atsumu hardly let you forget.

Did he really want you dead? Did he want you gone? Because he was acting like it. You can’t imagine what drugs he could’ve take over the summer, but he wasn’t the same kid.

You didn’t know why he hated you so much all of a sudden, but surely there’s nothing you could’ve done that would make him despise you this much. It was like he was possessed, it was bizarre.

Well, guess you have to pass his stupid fucking test, whatever the fuck that is. What does that even fucking mean anyway? Pretentious prick, thinks he’s some kind of fucking Jigsaw-type game master bitch just because he made you hate yourself or something? Egotistical asshole..

Angrily, you started preparing for the school day. This would be a long one.

Just as you had predicted, this day seems never ending. The nerves are eating you up inside, making you jittery the whole day, especially when talking to Osamu. He seemed particularly concerned today, which made your heart flutter because he was so perceptive, he should be particularly concerned today.

Finally, horribly, the end of the day rolled around. You inches your way to the gym, dragging your feet across the dirt.

Dread weighed heavy like a lump of iron in your stomach, and your hands shook when you knocked on the open door of the gym to get Atsumu’s attention. He swivelled around and smirked, beckoning you to him. You walked slowly, politely, towards him, and he revelled in the way he stood tall above you.

“Hello, Y/N.”

“Hello,” you murmured, eager to get this over with.

He asked his coach for just a few spare minutes with you, to which the coach agreed to. He gave him a warm smile and pulled you to the benches by the side.

You could see Osamu hitting spikes from the corner of your eye, you tried not to focus on him.

“Alright, before we start, lose that dead look in your eyes. You’re not a fucking corpse, stop acting like it.”

It felt surreal to talk to him in real life again, his abuse had been purely technological for so long, it felt like it wasn’t the same person. But it was. It was the Tsumu that you had shared your first kiss with at a middle school sleepover that hated you so much it made his gut churn. It was the same Tsumu that comforted you when your cat died that told you to kill yourself at least once a day. It was your previous best friend in the whole world that wanted you to suffer more than anyone ever has.

You blinked at him, and he probably decided it was a lost cause, because he carried on speaking.

“First question, how did you look yesterday?”

You took a deep breath.

“‘Really gross’”

He snorted.

“Very good. Second question, if you want boys to fuck you, what should you do?”

You stared at the ground.

“‘Get plastic surgery’”

“See, is it so hard to pay attention? You’re doing very well!”

You feel tears prick your eyes and your fists clench. You shouldn’t be crying right now. Aren’t you used to it? It shouldn’t be any different in person, but still...

“Third question, what do you do when you run?”

...

Oh no.

“I said-“

You can’t remember.

“-what do you do-“

His voice is getting louder, your gaze is fixed on his feet, trying not to panic.

What did he say about running? Why can’t you remember? You read those messages ten times over this morning to make sure, how could you forget?

“-when you run?!”

Every noise in the gym was quiet as Atsumu’s voice boomed round the hall, the only audible thing was the rebound of a forgotten volleyball hitting the ground.

“I-I can’t remember...” you whispered, desperate for the attention to be drawn away from you.

“Tsumu? Y/N? What’s going on?”

Oh god, please, anyone but him.

“Y-y-you forgot?” Atsumu mocked in a hushed tone as Osamu walked over, visibly confused.

“I thought you understood the rules, Y/N.”

“Please Atsumu, please don’t do this,” you begged breathlessly, hopelessly, pointlessly.

“Y/N, what’s going on? Are you guys fighting?” Osamus warm eyes flickered over to you, and you opened your mouth to answer before the bane of your existence spoke again.

“Y/N wants to tell you something but she’s very shy.”

“Atsumu-“

“You know maybe I should tell you for her, I wonder if she’ll be able to get the words out.”

You felt sick, you hardly even heard your own voice as you pleaded out Atsumu’s name.

Osamu stared in utter confusion as his brother turned towards him and put on his fake-kindness voice, all the while you tugged on his jersey from behind him, begging him to stop.

“Y/N actually-“

“Atsumu.” he interrupted his brother seriously. He didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on, but he knew you weren’t ok at the moment, and he knew you were distressed from your weak voice and that look on your face.

“She doesn’t want you to tell me, leave it.”

Osamu saw a flash of irritation on Atsumu’s face, making him frown.

“I think you’ll want to hear this though.”

This couldn’t be happening. You feel a bit lightheaded, a little ill. The horror of the scene unfurling in front of you had stunned you into silence.

“She has a massive crush on you, Samu! Isn’t that funny?”

You hadn’t realised how silent the gym was until Atsumu stopped talking.

Everyone’s eyes were on you.

Perfect. Just heavenly.

Before anyone could say another word, you turned to the door and walked away, footsteps reverberating around the court.

Shame and anger glazed over your eyes as you disjointedly walked past the school building, clutching your bag straps for dear life.

What the fuck was his problem?

Why did he hate you so much?

What had you ever done to deserve this?

You hated him. You fucking hated him.

As you left the school gates under the light of the setting sun, you felt a big hand on your shoulder.

Oh, I wonder who it could be, you thought dryly

Sure enough, it was evil in a fucking high schooler.

“I said you didn’t understand the rules, not that the game was over,” he drawled.

You were so over this, so fucking mad. In a way, you were set free by the fact your secret was out. You didn’t have to put up with his bullshit anymore.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” you spat, shoving him away.

He looked down at you, disgruntled.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you were now openly crying, but you were so furious you couldn’t care, “I never did anything to you, I thought we were best fucking friends.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth to retaliate, probably with something arrogant but you bit back fast, temper getting the better over you.

“You can’t act like you fucking own me anymore Miya Atsumu. You don’t have shit on me anymore, so leave me the fuck alone. I don’t have to put up with you anymore, fucking wanker.”

You were losing all control of what you were saying, months and months of anger and sadness and bitterness spilled out, it was hard to stop.

“Are you happy now? Are you happy now that you’ve ruined my fucking life? Did it make you feel good? Did it make you feel big to be mean to a woman? Did you get off on that?”

“Shut-“

“You-you know what, I would’ve preferred if you made me fuck you or give you money, or whatever the fuck freaks like you want. You really are a fucking sicko, Atsumu.” you were slurring your words, choking on them through your sobs. You were sure you looked hideous, all snot and wet tears and resentment.

“You learned you could blackmail me so you, what, verbally assault me? Is that the best you could come up with? You must be the lamest excuse for a blackmailer I’ve-“

He clapped a hand over you’re mouth all of a sudden and shushed you. You hadn’t been looking in his eyes while you were ranting, but he was furious. You had never seen him this mad.

“Keep it the fuck down, noisy bitch, you want the whole team finding out?”

You bit down hard, and Atsumu hissed in pain, letting go of your face.

“I said don’t fucking touch me.”

You swivelled on your heel and stormed away as he watched you, seething and nursing his hand.

you collapse on your bed, tears threatening to drown you.

Being angry was nice, but short lived.

Now all you were left with was misery and shame and embarrassment.

Oh god, what did Osamu think of you now? Did he hate you? You hope he understood at least a little why you stopped hanging around him. You didn’t think you had the heart to tell him everything else that happened, as much as you’d like to see Atsumu get it.

Your phone chimes in your discarded bag, and you sigh, eyes puffy and tired from crying at you reach in to get it.

Oh! it’s Osamu!

you open it without thinking, immediately regret it, then proceed to read his message anyway.

Hey. ik u might not want to talk to me rn, but i just want you to know that i know what ur thinking, and i do still want to be friends. i’m sorry i can’t like u that way, and i’m sure u were never gonna tell me, but i think it’s good that i know now, cuz now u can stop ignoring me right? we can go back to like it was before yeah?

i miss u

also i’m gonna beat up atsumu, hope that makes u feel better

As you read the messages, you begin crying again, but happy tears. You didn’t realise how much you missed him until now, it felt like your first breath of fresh air in ages.

Maybe things would be alright.

For you, maybe.

Atsumu was losing his shit.

He was walking home after Osamu told their mum to leave him, coach told him to work on endurance. The cold night air was only heightening his anxiety, as he thought about how he had brashly throw away the grip he had on you.

He had lost you, and he had no one to blame but himself.

Of course, that didn’t stop him trying to blame you for ignoring him and pissing him off. He hated when you ignored him. And you seemed to do it so much, there’s only so much a man can take.

Truth is, if anyone had a massive crush, it was Atsumu. When you told him summer before 3rd year that you liked his brother better than him, that you only liked his brother, and liked him a lot, he couldn’t describe the agony of putting all the pieces together and realising you wanted Osamu, not him.

He couldn’t bear to look at you, your face made him so angry he thought he would throw up. So when you came back after the summer, looking more radiant than ever, he knew he had to do something, had to squash this glow, had to make you feel as horrible and disgusting and unwanted as he did.

It wasn’t like he would do it forever, he had a plan, just a little longer, and he would start being kind to you. He would show you that no one else would ever love you, like he did, and he knew you would believe him. You would be together, and everyone could be happy.

But his temper was hot and untameable when he was provoked, and your nonchalance was driving him insane.

He had ruined everything, but his feelings of hatred and love remained.

And he would take everything down with it.

WOO this was a wild one, thanks for sticking around till the end, hope u enjoyed! reblogs appreciated, bye love u bye 💞💞