#anyways idk what to do if anyone has any advice let me know??

[vagueconfusion]

girl help the behavioral health called while I was asleep and I somehow answered without realizing so when I went to answer it I accidentally hung up on them and they fucking. Didn't call back and the number I tried calling is all automated and I don't know what option to press r u fucking kidding me

[hiddenhearthwitch]

📚 Small Intro To Polytheism📚

One of the most frequent asks I receive is how and where to get started when it comes to polytheism. This is a fairly broad subject and I’ll try to be as general as I can for advice but I will include specific references for Norse polytheists as that’s my shit. This information can be used to help you find a pantheon or to help you pick deities to work with it. If you’d like to use it to pick a patron deity that’s super, if you want to worship 20 gods and not have a patron deity that’s cool too. You do you dude. Please keep in mind this is all reflective of my research and personal practice. 🌻

Picking A Pantheon/Deity

This really boils down to personal preference. You’ll read a lot of posts and books that tell you many different ways and it’s entirely up to you because it is your practice.  That being said, there’s a couple of different ways to go about it. 

Research! This is one of my favorite ways to delve in. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with reading the stories of multiple pantheons and picking on that calls to you. You can also talk to other devotees and see what they have to say about deities and their religions. It is important to keep in mind that some religions are closed so please do proper research!

For example, I wasn’t originally a Norse pagan. I read some stories and thought the Hellenic pantheon would best suit me. I reached out to Eros for a while but after feeling no real connection to the pantheon I continued my research! After reading up on the Norse pantheon I decided to reach out to them out. Obviously, I fucking loved it because here I am. Point being, you can pick a pantheon based on research and not some divine message or whatever. You are also more than welcome to try out a religion, decide it doesn’t suit you, and move on. 

Divination! You can use runes, a pendulum, tarot, etc.This can go a few different ways. You can write pantheon/deity names on separate pieces of paper, mix them up, and place them face down then ask the pendulum to pick. You can assign a deity/pantheon to each suit of cards or major arcana card or even do the same thing with runes. 

For example, this is how I found a devotion to Frigg and Hel. I asked if there were any deities who were interested in working with me and pulled the runes Hagalaz and Berkana which read as Hel and Frigg to me. I followed up with tarot cards and pulled Death(Hel) plus the Queen of Pentacles(Frigg).

Asking/waiting for a sign. This isn’t something I’ve personally done so I don’t have much to say on the subject. You can go about meditating, praying, doing a ritual, or whatever and essentially wait for a sign after. It can come via a dream, something you experience, symbols you see in your daily life, it’s pretty much up to your intuition to decipher it. If anyone has information they’d like me to add in here please let me know!

If there’s a god you’re curious about and don’t want to do any of the above it’s totally cool to just reach out and ask if they want to work with you. 

Idk How To Research

Same, tbh my keyword search game is weak. Anyways, good portion of us are looking up dead religions with little reliable resources. To give those curious about the Norse an easy head start here’s a compiled list of  books by yours truly(click me!!) . It’s important to take everything with a grain a salt of salt when doing research. In my experience a lot of the retold Norse sagas have been Christianized or written under heavy Wiccan influences. It’s a good idea to do research on the author before reading one of their books.

Other blogs! There are tons of great witches and pagans on tumblr that have information waiting for you. 💗 You can search their blog/tags for good references for books, websites, podcasts, etc. Plus lots of blogs are open to answer asks. If you don’t know where to start for searching it’s best to try things based around your interest like: “norse polytheist”, “hellenic witch”, “gaelic polytheism”, etc.

Media! How lucky are we that we live in the age of technology? Knowledge is right at our fingertips! There are countless documentaries, podcasts, and audiobooks on youtube full of information for different cultures and religions. I’d personally recommend almost anything by BBC, Myths & Legends, and World Mythology!

Books! I love starting on goodreads to find good books and trust worthy authors. They’ve had almost every book I looked up with bunches of different reviews so you can get varying perspectives. Check out your local library as well! A lot of city libraries have online databases now of all of their books so you can “check it out” online and read the PDF(personal fave). 

Feeling Lost Still?

That’s completely reasonable and your feelings are more than valid. It can be overwhelming and lot of information to soak up. Just do your best and take it at your own pace, there’s no rush to find a deity or pantheon. 💞 Below are a few other general concerns I hear a lot that I was hoping to address.

“I’m leaving a monotheistic(Christian, Catholic, Jewish, etc) religion and it’s giving me anxiety.” This is entirely common and almost expected in my opinion. I was raised Roman Catholic and my first year to two looking into polytheism riddled me with anxiety. I was constantly concerned that god would smite me down or I’d face an eternity in hell for worshiping false gods. While I can’t speak for everyone that fear was entirely erased for me when I found my gods. I’ve never felt so safe and strong and hopefully with time you can find the same in your gods!

It’s okay to want to learn more or to seek something more. I can’t tell you how to handle your anxiety but please know you’re not alone in that fear. There’s whole communities out there willing to support you and help you find your safe space(including me)!

“What’s UPG?” You’ll see a lot of posts, mine included, that mention UPG - UPG is Unverified Personal Gnosis. This is essentially someone’s personal thoughts and beliefs about a deity. For example, I associate Sif with hazelnuts. There’s nothing in the lore or any book that says that she likes hazelnuts; that’s just a personal opinion(aka a UPG).

“How do I reach out to the gods?” I have a lot of information on my blog about this topic although a lot of it is Norse specific. You can check out my beginner polytheist tag here and my beginner norse post/ask here.

Altar! This is my go to typically. Altars aren’t limited to the cookie cutter image that comes to mind(no hate though I have a few); one thing you can make a side blog dedicated to your pantheon/deity, make a small one in a tin can, or even make one in a video game like Minecraft or some shit. You can be as creative or as to the book as you want. It’s up to you.

Prayer! You can totally just sit down and be like, “Hey man wanna work on some shit together?”. While I’m not 100% that all gods would be down with you being that casual it’s still something you can try.😂 You can reach out to them by sitting down in a quiet space and meditating into prayer, praying in the car or in the shower, or just pray at the altar you set up if you did. Again, I can not reiterate this enough, it’s your practice, reach out to them as you please.

Do something personal! This is more like devotional work in my opinion. Let’s say you knit and you want to reach out to a creative or domestic deity, you can knit something as a devotional act to them and as a way to reach out. For example I pick up litter in honor of the Vanir and Jörð, or I play Skyrim for Thor and Týr.

Most importantly just be honest and up front with the god that you’re reaching out too. Considering that statement be honest with yourself as well. There’s no point going into a relationship with a god if you can’t be upfront, it’ll end up in nothing but grief.

“Can deities reach out through gods/signs?” They totally can. However, it is up to you and your intuition if a deity has and it’s not likely another witch will decipher that for you. Sounds, experiences, images, all have different meanings to each of us - they may show you something that’s very personal to you but would be mundane to someone else. Trust your instincts. However, please remember that not everything is magical, sometimes a raven is just a raven and not Odin.

✨Take everything you learn with a grain of salt. Including this post.✨

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[heylosers06]

It's gonna sound silly if you don't have any but if you do, random batfam headcanons (especially steph, cass, duke, tim, damian) GO

Not silly at all, I don’t have many but you’ll probably see when you’re done reading this that I have more for certain members than others 😭

Steph: she has freckles like totally sunkissed freckles that scatter all across her body. I feel like she tans but has more of a rosy tan instead of a deeper color. She loves children, because well…but anyways I think she would dye her hair and have tinsel in them for a sparkle or a hint of color. Roller derby. I loveee to headcanon that she’s amazing at it and enjoys the sport. Oh and piercings I love to think that she wears tons of chunky jewelry. Has big curly hair that she didn’t know how to take care of when she was younger. Loves hanging out with Barbara and sneaking into Kates place to bother her or ask for advice.

Cass: I know it’s canon but she loves to do ballet. She loves to spar with her siblings especially the younger ones because she likes to share her skills and teach them what she knows in a healthier way than she was taught. Wears Chinese tunics that are gifted from her mother. Wears a mixed of gold and silver jewelry. Goes to therapy…can’t cook like at all it astounds her how a simply thing can be hard. Knits 😭 or does some sort of craft like knitting or pottery.

Tim: uses a silly straw when drinking his energy drinks (he isn’t a coffee addict yall) he listens to all sorts of music and has a messed up playlist. He can sit and work on something without moving for hours (couldn’t be me) I don’t think he’s a party person sorry but I don’t know if he does the entire party scene, but he LOVES having friends over and then partying with them. Skate boards to work 😭

Duke: he is the most cunning in a way. His favorite color isnt even yellow 😭 I’m kidding but that would be funny. The criminals are afraid of him they see him coming in the day??? Oh hell no. He can play the piano and is very good at it. Him and his mother used to teach him. He can cook and he cooks with Damian, he was the one who initiated it. He’s extremely extremely respectful to woman. He likes watching old western movies when he was little he was a cowboy for Halloween. Has locks and teaches his family (the ones with curls) ways to keep their hair healthy. He collects playing card but like yugioh cards and other stuff like that, he loves sailor moon and old 90s anime.

Damian: he can sing very well 😭 idk why but if he can mimic voices perfectly I feel like he can sing. When he has an argument with Bruce or anyone in the family he will leave and fly away with Goliath or Wiggles, sometimes even having them “attack” said family member but it’s only like them flopping on the person. Had a pet tiger in the league (it was Talia’s) and played with the cubs. Since his hair is getting longer I want to say that Nika or a friend gets him claw clips as a joke but he actually wears them. He can play instruments and likes to do graffiti sometimes. Wears ONLY gold jewelry. He has matching outfits with him and Talia 😭 if he gets into a relationship he’s not the one breaking up with them because he loves HARD. And like Duke he pulls his hair and when he lets others do it for him it’s like a great achievement 😭😭

Jason: he’s a loser. I mean it I think he’s so recluse and likes to huddle into the library and read. He’s big hulking even and loves to use that to his advantage when he’s being annoying to his siblings by lying on them. Struggles to find clothes his size so he wears the ugliest lounge clothes. Loves reality tv or any cheesy movie.

Dick: grows his hair out and every time he does a sudden chop the family looks at him with fear and disgust like how children do when their father shaves their face 😭 HE CAN COOK I know he can cook. Also wears chunky jewelry but doesn’t have a set style. Watches old footage of him and his parents acts and cries everytime. Visits zitka. I like to think he still performs on his down time or at least practice and keeps up the skill of being an acrobatic performer.

I hope that was good! Sorry for the ugly grammar I’m rapid firing this. 😭

[hard--headed--woman]

im also goldstar/never even kissed a man but it doesn't seem fair to me to blanket call anyone who's recently came out/slept with men in the past straight. I believe she has a gf currently? But either way I can understand how living in a conservative/religious small town would make it easier to stay with your bf you aren't attracted to but are attached to for other reasons (companionship, friendship etc) than when you move away and can be more yourself. Do I know if she's a lesbian or if she will end up figuring out she's bi or whatever, I have no clue. But it seems pretty hurtful to think her attraction isn't genuine. Maybe I'm too sympathetic bc I'm feminine looking (although I don't wear makeup or shave) and so I know most people don't immediately think of me as gay, even though I could never even imagine finding a man attractive but idk. I honestly would more likely believe Chappell is gay and was closeted than some self ID lesbians who say stuff like well yeah I'm attracted to men everyone can see when a man's handsome I just don't want to go further. I have never understood attraction to even conventionally attractive/celebrity men so that is more weird to me than like. Staying in a relationship because you're attached and they've been a part of your life for years vs genuinely being attracted.

Jesus I am so SICK of people like you sending me asks like these. When will you people ever STOP defending fakebians and understand that no, no matter how homophobic her family is, a lesbian would not willingly spend YEARS sleeping with a man ??? For real leave me alone and go defend lesbophobes elsewhere if you really have so little pride

She isn’t a lesbian. That's it. Everyone who disagrees is a homophobe on top of being an absolute idiot. Even if she's from a homophobic backround, and we don't even know if she is, she still spent years sleeping with her ex, she spent years singing about sex with men, she is obsessed with her ex and talks about him all the time, she is obsessed with men in general and only talks about them, she sings, dances and talks for the male gaze, and she decided to call herself a lesbian only because she hates men and thinks they're bad at sex. Since when is that lesbianism ? No matter how homophobic her family is and no matter how hard she's struggling with internalized homophobia, a lesbian would absolutely never do this.

I don't care if it's hurftul. I don't think she's attracted to women at all, and even if she is, then she's just another homophobic bisexual. Also, I don't understand how it has anything to do with you being feminine looking, lol. Do you think that's why I say Chappell is straight ? I would call her straight even if she was as masculine as Rocky Balboa.

"it's easier to stay with your bf you aren't attracted to" then why dating him in the first place ? Plus I don't think a lesbian could sleep with a man for years, no matter what. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that would be ? And above all, WHY would a lesbian do that ? Also, in Roan's case, she is so obsessed with her ex that even if you believe a lesbian can date a man (stupid thing to believe), it's still very very obvious that she was attracted to him. A lesbian wouldn't obsess over a guy that way.

Anyway, a real lesbian would never start dating a man at all, let alone stay with him for years. If you really are a lesbian, let me give you an advice : stop protecting fakebians. They're not on your side. They're helping TRAs and conservative homophobes. You're working against all lesbians when you defend people like Roan.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking out my manager?

Hi there. Trust me this is a WIBTA and not just dating advice.

So I (35F) am basically working at my dream workplace. I cant say what exactly, because I know people follow this account there, but suffice to say its in a desirable industry with a lot of passionate folks, and while its a big (~150 people) place, there's an atmosphere of kindness and joy I've never seen anywhere else. I know a lot of you probably hate me for this, but I am truly aware how rare a workplace this is, and I am grateful. I dont take it for granted. Sometimes the work itself truly sucks, and the pay is outright atrocious, but when your coworkers have your back, it makes all the difference. They accept me even tho I'm trans, and when I've been sick or injured they make sure I'm taken care of. I feel like they are a family of sorts, and I've been working there for over a year now.

Anyways, this wonderful place is held up by a lot of wonderful people, but one in particular is my manager (30F). When I first got hired, I noticed she was cute, but more importantly she was welcoming and accepting. I set aside those feelings, of course, because its a workplace, but they havent gone away.

But lately, this all started to change. We now spend a lot of talking! We have lots of common interests, and there have been nights when both of us will stay for HOURS while the other works, just to chat about whatever! We even text a bit, even about not-work things. Sharing fandom stuff, whatever. The more and more we talked, the more I fell for her. I could hear her go on for days, even if its something I dont care about. Hell, she could read the dictionary and I'd be sitting there grinning because I get to hear her talk. I've got it bad! And then, a few weeks ago, she even brings up how she's given up on dating...but before I could ask more or say anything really, a coworker interrupted and the moment passed.

And here I am, weeks later, smitten like crazy. And I'd say "oh she obviously likes me, she sticks around for you, shares stuff with you" but she's like this with everyone. She's a bit airheaded honestly about it, I mostly find it endearing, but she could absolutely just be doing it because she talks like that to everyone. She's bisexual, and very pro-trans, so I dont think that would be an issue in any way.

But here's where the WIBTA part comes: I have told a couple other coworkers, and they brought up not only that its a dangerous move to date a manager, but also that it could hurt the workplace itself. I mean, this is a place where so many people get to have a joyful opportunity at life, and as I've said this is tremendously rare...what if I take up too much of this manager's time, and she cant be there for other workers? What if this manager gets fired for dating an underling, and gets replaced by someone awful? There's a whole lot of what-if's floating through my mind.

And then I start thinking, if I ask her out, wouldnt that be putting her in an awkward position? I mean if she doesnt like me, and has to turn me down, she still has to work with me, and I her. I can compartmentalize that, but...she might have more trouble. Is it selfish of me to even try, when I could just let well enough be? And on top of that, what did she mean by "giving up on dating"? It didnt sound like she was aromantic, just that she decided it wont happen, but maybe its just going to be a problem if I ask her out. It feels like the stakes of even asking her out are so high. So I keep chatting with her in hopes that I'll catch a lead, but...idk.

Anyways, I am primarily concerned with if it would be a dick move to anyone in my workplace, especially her, but genuinely I am just lost here. I've never dated anyone at a workplace, but like. The dating apps suck, and I dont think I've ever felt this way about anyone before. I've even thought about quitting or finding another workplace to make it an easier decision, but I feel like thats even worse; like it would put pressure on her to date me because I quit for her or something. So how about it? Should I keep my mouth shut, or is love truly worth all risks?

What are these acronyms?

[l0viez]

Back again with another dumbass "imagine sagau fics"

Im going crazy either way its fine. Anyways imagine having MEGAN in a Sagau fanfic lmao, (if you havent watched the movie yet , i 97% recommend!)

SAGAU ;

Imagine having MEGAN as a gift or just a comfort "toy" to have gifted by someone and ever since that day you guys became like twins , technically glued to eachother☠️

Being in a SAGAU with MEGAN is like having a bulletproof bodyguard

Devoted Followers, Vessels, Personal Bodygaurd, Worshipper Who??? I only know MEGAN

Whenever theres someone trying to attack you aka their "grace" , MEGAN will slice their throat in half in like 0.1 faster than xiao teleporting to traveller whenever they call his name/hj

Your "followers" in teyvat WILL glare at MEGAN and if you tell them to leave MEGAN alone MEGAN will smirk at them like "I win btch" but if you just brush it off or like laugh it off MEGAN will death glare at them back

MEGAN has the "grace's right hand" privileges, Shes like your co-worker or vice-president or sum LMAO

The non humans (yk like Archons,, Venti, Zhongli, Ei, Xiao, Ganyu, and etc) would be like salty or envy over the fact you hang out with MEGAN and has more trust on MEGAN than them, like they has been worshipping you for what?? 99999+ years, centuries?? what did that "doll" do to gain your attention like that??😦

I feel like the ones that would accept MEGAN whole heartedly and would love her /p is the childrens or the teens,, if that makes sense😭 ! (Klee, Diona, Qiqi, Sayu, YaoYao, Dori, Xiangling, Noelle, Collei, Fischl, Bennet and more)

Since MEGAN has that fighting skills noelle would probably ask MEGAN for some advice so she can be apart of the KOF (as usual) ! and MEGAN would use her "robotic skills" and just give out noelle the whole description on how to fight and stuff it probs took like 3-6hours for MEGAN to finish bc noelle wants to know alot😭

It would be more cooler if like MEGAN plays genshin or like knows all the lore and characters (the power she holds☠️)

Whenever you sneak out, go on a meeting, went out to buy some stuff , went to travel you bet your ass MEGAN will be beside u 24/7 even if the mobs dont attack you MEGAN would still be on gaurd to make sure nothing harms you

MEGAN would play some songs back in your world if you feel stressed out by the work and responsibilities

MEGAN would make a deal with the fatui or the abyss to secretly spy on you where ever or whenever you go (its not like you will leave without her🫣!!!)

MEGAN gives me that platonic yandere vibes so if you ever have "secret admirers" , MEGAN would scan that letter properly and find your admirers house and "talk" to them nicely to stop bothering you

MEGAN would have that resting bitch face on 24/7 but whenever you talk to her she would look so bubbly and nice, but whenever your not around shes so close on choking the people that has been "eyeing" you whenever you breathe, theyre lucky that you told MEGAN to not harm anyone

MEGAN wouldnt give a damn fck about visions, like she would think its useless but the fatui would give her a delusion either way😭👆🏻 (you requested it)

MEGAN would find a way to either destory teyvat or make a portal to make you both go back home cause she doesnt plan on sharing you with anyone any time soon shes only having thin patience around these mfs , but she has to play nice for now😄‼️

IMPOSTER AU! SAGAU ;

you both somehow got teleported in genshin, idk how maybe MEGAN like heard you say you wanted to go to teyvat and MEGAN is like "im a robot i can do technology i can do portal shit lets go"

so now here you both are, eating soup in a small little camp and some fruit giving by some monsters you two met along the way! isnt that nice:')))

You had abit of wound, you were thinking you would have more wound than the wounds you got but suprise suprise MEGAN protected your sorry ass

looks like MEGAN has to train harder but good thing she still have some tricks on her sleeves

MEGAN doesnt mind threatening off a few "side characters" so you two would survive

MEGAN would send death threats to the "creator//the real imposter" and she would have it in like some of the archon's handwriting without signing (bc in the movie she managed to make a masterpiece of a drawing like zamn😭)

MEGAN would give out fake informations and will say its from the "creator//the real imposter" so they would believe it but it will take like a 1-2 year from them to realized that someone has been spreading fake informations

MEGAN would sneak in the academy and do some chaos in any technology plans they have just to make distractions and give you time to get like items you both might need

If the fatuis know your the real creator and take you both in, MEGAN would only help out the fatuis by giving out personal informations of other characters that they call themselves "devoted worshippers"

MEGAN would probably be great friends with Sandrone & scaramouche

MEGAN would be "friendly friendly" with dottore just to get more technology uses😭

MEGAN has thoughts on just beating the shit out of childe (and probably dottore) but she choose not because she doesnt have time to play around with "childe-rens" and has to be by your side 24/7

but If the abyss finds you both first

ofc they would take you both in and MEGAN would also share some tips or advice to defeat those vision users

The abyss sibling would ask your permission to take MEGAN with them from time to time to set out their plan on destorying teyvet and the people who wronged you

MEGAN was abit hesitant at first cause like,, leaving you alone with the abyss? Naur..

But then you insisted that MEGAN should go with aether (also so you can go explore the abyss abit without MEGAN breathing behind your neck😭)

MEGAN would be a trump card for the abyss like if the traveller sees their abyss sibiling with MEGAN, MEGAN would glare at them, if glaring can kill people traveller would have been dead already

and if traveler shares what he saw when he saw his sibiling to like,, someone they would probably go like "yo wait isnt that the kid with the imposter?!"

If people in teyvat finally get to their senses that the "creator" in the throne is the real imposter

they would hunt you and MEGAN down (again) but with "good intentions"

you and MEGAN would troll these bitches

MEGAN would sing creepy songs while theyre haunting at the dark

you and MEGAN will only go out at night but if theres a squad looking for you both

MEGAN would be hella overprotective and going infront of you with her weapon out while glaring at them

"Your grace!"

"Tsk. little bugs like you shouldn't show yourself infront of your "grace""

MEGAN wouldn't HESITATE too ROAST them.

and you would be laughing inside bc of it too

if ever you get recrowned as the "creator" and the real imposter gets jailed up

MEGAN will TOTURE that bitch whenever your sleeping

those "devoted followers" of yours would look at MEGAN and be like

"damn i wish i was her"

MEGAN will be your loyal bodyguard and right hand

why would you need those people when you have MEGAN who sticked with you even when you were still so young?

like you would have the largest trust issues with stuff like imagine

"(maid/bulter's name), please call zhongli."

"yes your grace!"

"yes your grace, you called?"

"please call MEGAN."

"a-"

like 😭😭😭YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM THE PPL IN TEYVAT

and even if the real imposter comes back and claims their the real creator , MEGAN would know their bullshitting bc she has that scanner stuff😭‼️

MEGAN will always protect you from any harm and if something even touch you without your permission, their hand is getting cutted off

"MEGAN.. Was that really necessary..?"

"Of course, Its also my duty to make you comfortable at any time _____"

"Right,, but you didn—"

"Shush now, silly _____! I was only protecting you after all we're best friends aren't we?"

Que that person whos trynna touch you screaming in pain in the background🤭‼️

Have this shitty azz drawing❤️Goodbye xoxo

[dsybouquet]

Ooh do you know of any fics with ellie as a mercenary? (or omg do you have any ideas uwu) I feel like that would slap

mercenary! ellie is probably the most cold blooded asshole the world has ever seen. if there‘s nothing in for her - she‘s not gonna do it. someone could be laying by her feet , bleeding to death and begging for her help and she‘d walk over them because they can’t pay her enough.

there were tales about her, saying she‘d rather die painfully than accept help.

she‘s an absolute lone wolf, travelling the world by herself. it‘s not like she had anything to lose, she was alone anyways.

one day, you met her. she had set up camp in the woods. her fire was illuminating her surroundings just barely. the sound of your footsteps caused her to pull out your gun immediately, ready to shoot whatever was coming right in the head.

„don‘t shoot.“ you said, walking up to her. „i‘m not trying to harm you.“ she just scoffed, not lowering your gun.

„then drop your fucking guns.“ she spitted out and to her surprise, you dropped them and put up your hands. „whats your name?“

„______.“ she lowered her gun, but still pointed at you.

you rolled your eyes when she didn’t say anything in response. „any more questions or are you gonna let me pass?“ the way you talked pissed her off to the core.

„pass, but i‘m sure you‘ll die. the only way through these woods is a village in the middle of it. its covered by infected. try your luck.“ she put her gun down and looked at you.

now you were the one who scoffed. „like i need advice.“ you put your hands down and picked up your guns again. „but i heard rumours about these woods. apparently they are hard to survive.“

you raised an eyebrow and looked at her. „but if they are so hard to survive, how come you are alive huh?“

she just shrugged, leaning forward so her arms rested on her knees. you sat down in front of the fire and looked at her with a tilted head. „who are you?“

again, she shrugged. „maybe i‘m your only way to get through this forest - if you can pay me enough.“

and you sighed. the rumour also had it that a young woman will wait by a tree and help you get through. she would disappear back in the woods once you were at the end. could it be that that’s really her?

„okay, witch of the woods, what do you want?“ you said, sarcasm dancing on your words. „well, what do you offer?“ she cockily replied, tilting her head with a smirk.

„i offer you my company.“

ellie started laughing and shook her head. „you should know better than anyone else that that will not be enough, don’t you?“

you hated the way she spoke, how she tilted her head at you and how her body was speaking. you knew she were making fun of her.

„why should i trust you, i don‘t know shit about you. i don‘t even know your name. how can i be sure you wont lure me anywhere just to fuck me over?“

„oh, you can’t.“ she childishly smiled. „but i can promise i won‘t.“

you rolled your eyes and looked her straight in the face. „what’s your name?“ you almost purred, trying to get a hold of any kind of information about her.

„Ellie. Not that hard to ask for something right?“

„okay ellie. how do i get through these woods?“

„again, i‘ll help you if you pay enough.“

this went on for some until you had enough. you stood up and looked at her.

„alright, allmighty witch.“ the sarcasm in your voice almsot made her laugh. „was nice talking to you. i hope we won‘t cross paths again.“

„if you ever need help on your way, just call my name and i‘ll make sure to help. of course only i-„

„only if i pay enough, yeah sure. i got it.“

ellie watched you leave, knowing you‘ll meet again.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

okay idk if thats what you wanted but thats all my tired brain worked out aaaa

hope you enjoyed 🤭

[conkers-thecosy]

My ask about asks I forgot to send you.

I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be so I have been trying to send about an ask a week. Now I send this ask first anytime I follow someone as I really don't want to bother anyone, so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Not having energy for asks or being comfortable with them is perfectly okay.

The categories I have in my ask notebook that I file under are in colour. Please feel free to make your response as long as you want or private (the asker cannot directly respond to private responses).

Self, Job/Work: please let me know what you are comfortable with from eh idk just ask it to nothing personal at all.

Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Please let me know what fandoms. I think my main fandoms and ships are Bagginshield/The Hobbit, Sherlock/Johnlock, Dragon Age Inquisition, {Pippin/Faramir Merry/Eowyn}/The Lord of the Rings and I dip my toes in a few that I currently can't remember but ships I don't engage with the canon of at all are: Good Omens but only for Crowley/Azirapheal, Stranger Things but only for Steve/Eddie , The Witcher but only for Geralt/Jaskier.

OC's you want to talk about

art/drawing do you draw and like to get asks about it?

your writing

blog specific only is your blog specific to a fandom or something that you only want asks about related things

Story snippets ideas and prompts: Do you like receiving them?

Pets: I'd love to know all about them

Garden and Hobbies: What type of gardening and/or hobbies?

Like being tagged in things: If so what kinds of things?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

Hi there!!

I'm sorry this took me so long to answer - I know there's no pressure (which I appreciate immensely!) but I really want to answer them, I'm just super slow!

Self, Job/Work: Honestly I'm super happy to talk about anything like this! With all my social links on my pinned posts it wouldn't be too difficult to find out a lot of stuff about me and my life anyway! Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Okay so while I enjoy all of these fandoms, and more besides, I get real single-minded about my special interests. Right now it's Bagginshield, and that's really all my brain has room for! OC's: I would genuinely loooove to talk about my OCs, so very much! As I said above, bagginshield is really my main focus right now, but I have two half-written original novels that I really hope to pluck up the courage to share one day. Honestly I would love so much to have the opportunity to talk about them more here, but I know there's not a lot of interest. Folks are here for the bagginshield stuff, and that's totally fair! But, I'm going to write these stories either way and I really would love any excuse to gush about them and my OCs! art/drawing: I don't draw, I'm afraid! I wish I did, I'm always in so much awe of people who have that skill! I paint a bit, but not often and just for fun, and it's always some weird abstract stuff, haha! your writing: Love to talk about writing! It's all that keeps me going some days, and any excuse to chat about what I'm doing, what I'm planning, ro even giving advice to other writers is just so much fun to me! blog specific only: Nah, this blog is a mish-mash of everything! Happy to talk about whatever! Pets: So I have a dog! His name is Wilfred, and he was a rescue! He's my boon companion, and I love any excuse to show him off, haha! Garden and Hobbies: So I do garden, but I'm new to it! I never had a garden before until about 3 years ago, and it's been super fun to learn as I go! Other hobbies are funny, because I do a bit of everything. I'm fairly crafty so I've done pottery, sewing, jewellery making, painting as I mentioned, a bit of knitting, etc. I also used to have my own small business, running a perfumery, so I've made all sorts of bathing products, soaps, bath salts, candles, etc! Like being tagged in things: I do, but you may have noticed, I'm a bit slow at responding! I do try to keep on top of them and I never mind being tagged, but it ebbs and flows, for sure!

Okay, I think that's everything!!

Thank you so much for sending this! I will answer your others at some point, but my alarm has just gone off and now it's writing time, haha!

Thanks again for these lovely asks you send to people, it's really such a wonderful thing you're doing!

[dearweirdme]

Hello! So I just am looking for advice on how to deal with people hating on us taekookers. It's hard sometimes when commenters make it seem like we are extremely irrational in believing they are a couple.

I even saw someone say, "I used to be a taekooker once, but maturing is realizing they are just brothers." That annoyed me, because I'm a grown ass adult with my own life and partner. So when am I supposed to grow out of it? lol Also, the brothers argument is sooooo dumb to me. They aren't brothers.

I think people also assume that taekookers think that Tae and Jungkook are a couple because we WANT them to be. But that is completely false for me and so many others. Idk about yall, but I was just a straight up BTS fan for a while (back in 2015) and I noticed something different between taekook. That's how I started supporting them. After realizing that they were most likely a couple after years of evidence. It wasn't because I'm some weirdo who is fetishizing them or something. People are so dumb for hating on us for that. It's like seeing a pair of people out in society that you don't know and getting just a vibe that they are a couple. You know? It's not creepy to think a pair of people are dating. lol I think it's just stemmed from homophobia.

Anyways, sometimes it's hard to constantly get hate and get gaslit into thinking we are crazy or something.

Hi anon!

It’s shitty right? It’s not likely to stop any time soon either, kinda comes with the territory.

I don’t really let the hate bother me. I know the hate isn’t really pointed at me as a person, but rather at something I stand for. When someone throws hate at you, it’s basically their insecurities wrapped up into something else. We aren’t idiots, or delusional, or fetishizers, or whatever they like to think of us.. we just see signs of deep love between Tae and Jk.. anyone who hates you because of that just has alternative motives for hating you.

What I personally do is curate my dash really well. I only follow accounts that feel nice or positive to me. I don’t visit Twitter much. I block easily. I don’t easily let other opinions form my own. And I am able to vent on here, and to a few people in dm’s if I need to.

We’ll probably forever be the underdogs anon, but that doesn’t mean we are wrong.

I’ve said something like this before, but I really mean it so I’ll say it again: you are the one who sees love, while they are the ones who spend their energy on hate.

[blackstarchanx3new]

Creations AU, But I obnoxiously over explain it PT 3

Pages 61-90

Back at it again with Mike and his silly little adventures in Freddy's.

Huh.

What'd you see.

Stop being vague.

Who are these creepy masked people???

The bullies from FNAF four

Damn if only there was an entire side comic FNAF 4 cough cough I made about them that will explain that lol. We'll get to the side comics I promise. ;)

Whatever he saw, he's terrified to re-live.

Ouch.

Someone got hurt-

What the hell are you apologizing for exactly?

What'd you do?

None of those people in the masks were you...

We can tell cause they actually had a skin tone lmfao.

Oh that could use some cream.

So that's why "the bite" kept making Mike uncomfortable...

This kid got his head munched on.

And it wasn't ACTION but LACK of action he's cowering in fear from a child over.

Side note this panel out of context is hilarious and I won't pretend it's not.

Hi Bonnie! :D

He is the best.

Damn okay.

What's reality?

Ominous poster of the yellow Freddy for sure isn't important.

Haha Mike ya have episodes like this often? Often enough he composes himself afterwards.

He's utterly bamboozled Bonnie apparently SAW the kid he was chasing so...maybe.

That smirk is unsettling.

So this part of the building used to be "Fredbear's" the place Michael's favorite animatronic "Spring Bonnie" is from and mentioned earlier. Fredbear is clearly the one who bit the child.

I'd be scared too Bonnie thousand yard stares are concerning.

That's hysterical coming from the clearly possessed giant rabbit but go off I guess-

He's obviously trying to make Mike feel better which is nice of him. UwU

Aww. Hug how sweet.

So now we know a bit more about Mike. Let's review:

This nameless kid Mike saw die was obviously Michael's brother Cody Afton from all the context clues we've been given:

Mike's reaction to Micheal bringing up Fredbears, due to it being a traumatic event.

Cody being "Bit"

Mike doesn't seem TOO sure they're the same person but we know it is.

Mike blames himself for not doing anything at the time to stop Cody's head from getting crunched.

Mike's grasp on reality is...Flimsy. Self admittedly he thinks it's flimsy and he knows when he needs to go home when it's too much.

Mike is desperate for comfort over his trauma with Freddy's and Bonnie's a cool dude who'll give it.

You'd think Bonnie would be a bully from his intro but he's actually a super caring guy, he just can't stand people who purposely cause problems.

Bro comes in clutch with the hugs.

You can see why Freddy would run to this guy to solve issues haha.

So from those first panels we know 1 thing:

He had no clue Ennard was in the room with them. So add stalking to the list of creepy things that clown robot has done so far.

My god it's an old man-

He's Micheal's dad! :D William Afton!

Alright I'm gonna stop being goofy and vague for a moment:

It's obvious he's evil as fuck and for the people who like to bitch he has a personality in this comic or ANY media where people give William a personality: Stop making excuses as to why you write him one note you cowards, you can give him a personality without condoning what he does lmfao. Only a bad writer would say you HAVE to make him one note for him to work. Fucking morons actually you are stupid if you believe that.

If you wanna make him cartoonishly evil with NO redeeming qualities: Cool. Whatever. Just shut the fuck up don't act like yours is "Better" because you can't think of ways to make him anymore interesting.

Everyone's William caters to their tastes. Nobody's is PERFECT. I only judge stupid vapid bitches who complain about other interpretations while blowing smoke up their own asses. Because an ego isn't pretty on anyone lmfao.

The idea giving William a personality makes you a terrible writer/person needs to die I'm sorry that's such a stupid as fuck idea idk who came up with it but kindly stop writing and stop giving writing advice. UwU With love~ From me!~

Anyways I've spoiled William is a bad person who does a bad thing, Won't say what yet but all the death in the building can give ya some ideas. And apparently because William is bad guy there's "Rules" on how to write him. From a bunch of 12 year olds who dunno how to write but I digress.

I detest the idea of that. Because let's be real all FNAF characters are blank slates and the idea of squashing creativity is dumb. Literally go wild with your FNAF AUs.

Rant aside: William seems to be a bit of...An ass.

Just slightly manipulative and rude language towards his only living child it's fine-

Ah yes. He also demands physical affection.

We get Michael's age, he's 23 aka still a damn baby.

Also, William and Michael are British.

Since we're on voices:

Mike Schmidt would sound like Legoshi from Beastars lmfao. I imagine Bonnie with a new York accent. Freddy sounds like a lady.

We finally get to see what Ennard and Michael interact like together...

Michael doesn't seem to put up with him.

Ennard's kind of a prick.

Also apparently they have a HISTORY.

One that involves Michael talking shit about his father...

For people who know shit about the games: Yes Ennard is possessed by the same person from the games.

Hah Michael tricked him.

Okay so everyone in Michael's life is manipulative towards him.

Neat.

Also Ennard is a raging hypocrite.

Also conformation William is an owner not just a robot maker. (Can't remember if this was brought up earlier again some of these pages are 2 years old lmfao)

Also this comic assumes you got SOME Fnaf knowledge. I'd hope it's still interesting for those of you who are here for my other stuff! XD

Like ouch Ennard ya don't gotta be such a jerk.

Also Mike is cute.

This panel unironically is one of my favorites because this man doesn't scream in terror at any of the terrifying robots:

It's the gay guy he's trying to befriend he screams like a little girl at.

Another help wanted joke about the Faz token under the cupcake in the office.

Michael just wants to hang out with Mike obviously.

Despite all the shit he's clearly going through dude puts on a very pointy smile.

This man is built like a cat.

Lol they made pizza together. How cute.

Hah bro is apologizing for something he didn't even do nor has control over-

Is it obvious Michael is abused yet?

Going real unsubtle here: Everything about Michael shows off he has been abused in some way shape or form.

Michael wants to think he's being friendly for reals despite clearly having second thoughts due to Ennard.

Bro is desperate for a connection with someone.

Also

Pff.

Mike c'mon Bonnie's so sweet how could you- X'D

Few things: William doesn't "Let" Michael do things.

If it wasn't apparent he was controlling as hell before it sure is now.

Also Michael is embarrassed of his interests.

Also the locker:

Again we see an instance of Michael going by "Mike" as his locker literally just has a piece of paper tapped over it adding the rest of his name lmao.

Michael is used to being toyed around with that is sad.

Bonnie continues to be a sweetheart even when he's off screen. X'D

Mike attempts to relate to Michael's interests once again.

Also another instance of Bonnie lying his ass off about how close Michael and him are:

He knows Michael's locker combination and puts gifts in there lmao.

Mike clearly likes that plush a lot. Maybe he likes Chica a lot lmao. Who knows.

One thing to note:

If Michael's working day shifts and night shifts...when does he sleep?

Grant it, it isn't ALL THE TIME but still bro's sleep schedule must be OBLITERATED.

Oh hi giant floating head in the hallway you're stalking Michael too huh?

This is just two sides of someone's brain arguing with itself that the entire positive interaction they just had was terrible AND the other party hates them.

And that comparison only makes more sense down the road.

Yeah Michael you tell him. You don't need to take that from him.

Jeremy's a cool dude.

Also the fact the kids pay no mind to this argument is funny.

Also Ennard taking genuine offense to Jeremy being a better friend lmao. Anyone can be a better friend than Ennard. X'D

We hit the image limit but oh boy. So much joy in this update.

[stardewvalleybut-i-draw]

Qna Answers!

Ever since you mentioned that you do darker art besides stardew I've been super curious! Is there anywhere we can follow your work?

NOPE! this is more or less the first time I had much of a social media presence, I did make an Instagram when I was around 12 but I lost the password to it, and honestly... It's best I never find it...BUT I would like to post my other art somewhere! Let me know what social media I should use If you have ideas and I'll go make one! :D

I could use Instagram again but I haven't heard too many great things since I left.

What’s your favorite thing about Stardew? Do you have any other games you’d like to make comics about?

I love the fishing and mining aspect of the game! that and the mini-games. You'd think it be the socializing aspect with what I make but there's just something satisfying about making progress in the mines or getting that impossible to catch fish.

I don't usually have a lot of money to spend on games so I tend to go indie but I also never expected to be making art about Stardew so not really. If I like the characters, I might make comics about them but this is the first time I've done comics about games ever so maybe in the future.

Who is your least favorite bachelor and bachelorette

This was a really hard question to answer, I don't have a least favorite bachelor or bachelorette, I just have favorites. The main reason why is because I've either met people who are like the bachelor's or I can relate to them on a personal level so it's hard for me to dislike anyone BUT THATS A COP OUT ANSWER so I really pushed myself to find something to not like.

I'm gonna get torched but Elliot- gifts are super expensive to get, I know I can just give neural gifts but it's a bad habit of mine of going for the loved gifts and my guys got EXPENSIVE tastes or gifts that aren't easy to get BUT It fits his character as it implies he came from a more luxurious lifestyle. (if the Victorian clothing wasn't a big enough hint) but again, I don't dislike him, he has a lot of comedic potential!

I'm gonna get MURDERD for this one, Leah- I CAN NEVER FIND HER. Her pathing and my pathing NEVER collide and I keep forgetting she goes to the beach to draw sometimes so I never go there and I go to the wiki to find where in the WORLD she is at and 99% of the time is in the cortege but I can't get to her because I don't have 2 hearts yet because I don't run into her unless I remember to look in the saloon IF shes there BUT again, I do not dislike her...I dislike her pathing and that's on me for not thinking ahead. Plus this problem goes away once I DO have 2 hearts.

Whats your favorite crop and who’s your favorite bachelorette?

Coffee! (gee what a surprise 😅) I just love it when I can get one seed, grow it, and then harvest it and multiply my coffee crops by a huge amount! It's not worth much but it's just a satisfying crop to have.

Maru- not exactly a popular pic but I had a lot of friends who were 10X smarter than me growing up so Maru just naturally reminds me a lot of my closest friends, THAT and she's easy for me to bump into in the clinic.

(I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT 💀 but I think it said-) What software do you youse and what do you recommend?

I use Krita, and couldn't recommend it more! (scroll down more to the archive and there are more details about it)

and a UGEE tablet BUT I got it as a free gift. So far I haven't had to replace it yet and has lasted a good amount of time (my old ones lasted a year until I had to replace it) so Idk if I can recommend it and it's kinda expensive. (for me anyway) I'm honestly dreading the day something happens to it and I have to get it replaced :(

It costs about $60usd right now

Question Archive! - stuff I was asked before here for you to find :D

(some of it, the rest is tagged with #ask)

Whats your chickens name (the chicken in your pfp)?

Tudee-chi or Tudee for short!

Got any advice for perfection?

This website apparently! That and the Stardew Wiki

Okay I have to ask: favorite Bachelors and Bachelorettes?

Alright! Here's a tier list from Favorate to I'm chill with them!

Do you think that the male and female farmer can co-exist as a pair of chaotic twin siblings with joint ownership of the farm?

And I don't see why not! It's more fun that way

Sorry to bother, but can i ask what you use to draw?

Not a bother at all! I love answering questions!!! I use Krita

Who is your favorite stardew Bachelor?

Harvey! and for the dumbest reasons...Harvey ended up being my favorite bachelor for 2 main reasons

Sorry to bother but do you happen to have any tips/advice on drawing bodies and heads??

I ABSOLUTELY DO!!! it's no bother at all

What you need to keep in mind is that a lot of my advice is a suggestion and what I'm comfortable with-

For the future, this will be a question archive of things I'm asked to keep it easy to find once the Mega pin post is ready!

[thisdreamplace]

hi is anon who writes too much haha! Hru💗

I want to share some experiences I’ve been having and a question

just really letting go and being.

life is really Beautiful when you just be

one extreme subconscious belief i guess I had was “everytime when good things happen. Bad things always do” I used to really spiral over this. I was so afraid. But then I asked myself “ can I let go of this and know all is okay? that god is on my side, that everything will be ok”. I was crying one night fearing “what if everything is terrible and will never be ok “ I allowed it but the something just came into awareness “what if I can trust god. what if I can trust and let go” and I did, I still felt like a crying mess and so very saddened. but I had a sense of trust , my heart was filled with love.

(I’ll speak in 3rd person but ) anon also had a huge fear or want. to being mysterious like… not telling anyone how they felt lalala or even feeling embarrassed about telling how they felt about something like they where right or wrong or how they inferior if they where nice lala. When I realized that was also conditioned, not my burden to bear I cried in relief, knowing just this was never something I needed to let go off. I’m ok haha

I feel like also one thing is we conditioned our self to others behaviors and what we determine as us (the false self) like example I realized my specific negative thoughts where a pattern. I asked myself “ do I really think this way? or am I conditioned too?” “Is this really me?”, my fears and thoughts and wants and needs are all just what I’ve always thought I needed to have, haha living a life without any of those is sure scary but… not a bad! More like a new unknown understanding! Like knowing there’s no meaning behind it , like the thought itself being a conditioned thing, idk it feels just nice , I can leave it be , beacuse it doesn’t mean anything.

The key is no longer allowing it to have meaning for you. - thisdreamplace

now I live my days having fun :) or even just being or enjoying all knowing I’m not bound to anything. it’s nice even when the hard times happen , still need to work on that tho 🐭

my question is.

when circumstances or even a overwhelming situation , or even badly reacting to something and you regret it. How do you deal with it, I always surrender to god and know everything will be ok. But I’m wondering if you have advice haha, like what are some things you do to regulate and help in times like this. sometimes moving on (letting go ) of everything feels a bit terrifying , even how do you stop seeing things as a bad moment? sometimes the heart feels so full and the head feels so firey

hope to talk soon again I miss your posts dream 🌌thank you for everything once again

-anon who talks too much 🍩

hewwo <3 i hope youre doing well!! sorry its taken me some time to finally write back !!

i love all of this ! feeling everything out, while simultaneously allowing yourself to feel that possibilities can be different. i love reading messages from yall, because they always spark deeper understandings in myself as well. it's a really beautiful cycle between us

hmm i think to answer your question, i usually don't try to make something seem other than how i feel it is. instead i accept it all in that moment, or at least try to anyway. it's not always easy of course. but through acceptance you have a lot less resistance toward an issue, and like that it can easily be transformed. so its not always about making ourselves drop it, sure its nice if we can. but if not, its okay to be there in that moment too. allowing it to be what it is, and moving on when the emotions arent as heavy.

anyway <3 thanks so much for reaching out again !! :') and awwwe thank you. i havent had much inspo lately, life has been really busy but ofc, whenever inspiration strikes, you'll see another post by me !!

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina, I hope you're doing well! Are you feeling a little optimism about the election perhaps? As a non-american I can definitely say things are looking less like a dumpster fire from here in recent days.

Look, I know you get a lot to deal with here and if you're not in a space to facilitate my introspection the please feel free to take a pass on this message. If not, however I'd love your advice.

I've applied for a job with an organisation that supports schools to be more rainbow and gender inclusive. It's a pretty awesome role liasing with schools and helping them set up ally groups and queer friendly spaces etc. I'm a cis, Bi woman happily married to a man for many years, and in truth I feel pretty disconnected from my queer community. As a university student I was really involved in queer activism and advocacy on campus but haven't really been in a queer space for years.

Tbh I feel a little bit of a fraud applying for this job. I guess I've struggled with whether I am "legitimately queer enough" over the years. I put the Bi in Invisibility, lmao. Idk what I'm asking, maybe just let me know what you think about the diversity of queer identities? Do you or you followers ever feel like this?

Much love! X

Hi, sweetheart. Good on you for applying for that job. It sounds awesome. You know, I tend to think that there is space in the world for all sorts of queer people, and just because you're not "visibly queer" in some way doesn't make you less valid. In fact, I think there likely are a lot of people who have similar feelings, and having you as a liaison might make them more comfortable seeking advice (plus, it shows the world that queer people don't look just one way).

Anyway, that's not really helpful advice. I've never done anything like what you're doing. But I have a fandom friend who has and I'm going to message her and see if she'll chat with you.

Does anyone else have any advice to add on here?

Good luck getting the job!

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

[uglypastels]

Personal rant incoming because i dont have anywhere else to put this or anyone else to share it with-

Thing is, I hate parties.

But I also know I need to leave the house every now and then and meet up with people my age and come out of my shell.

But my god it was horrible.

The second I got there, not even passed the theshold, the person behind me just says: oh my god I think we have the same costume. And yup. We did. Worst part was that I had already predicted it. Somehow, deep in my gut I saw it coming (while also knowing no one else would get it, which somehow was for the most part also true) and it just immediately sunk my tiny shred of confidence down because, sure its not the end of the world, but still, how fucking emberassing. Out of all the costumes. I just wanted to scream.

But instead, I walked inside and it just got worse from there. It's like all the things that inherently make a party a party were also designed to trigger me into a deep sense of discomfort. Stranger. Loud noises. Alcohol.

I have never been the most social person, but idk what the fuck has happened to me the last few years but its like the last few pieces of my confidence and social skills have been completely deteriorated. I just cant get a single word out. Even introducing myself, when I know I should, I cant. Just smile and wish I would die.

But at the same time, when I do try and speak up it's like I don't exist. No one ever acknowledges what I saw or do and i dont fucking know what I should do. Am I just not funny? Do they not give a shit? Am I truly invisible?

Did I mention, it's so loud. The music is shit (not all the time) and everyone is yelling over it and over each other. A million conversations crossing through the room and I'm unable to keep track, let alone participate in, any single one.

So I just sit there, hoping I'm not making everyone else unconfortable. Except I probably am. Sucking the fucking life out of everyone in my close proximity. I bet I ruined the night for my friend. She's also an introvert and we're both awkward but for her things seemed to go smoother. So then whenever things went quiet I knew it was my fault. I know I should say something but I have no idea what.

Also, being around people my age, as healthy as it is, just makes me sick because it makes me realise just how detached I am socially. How behind I am on life and its just a reminder of my horrible lack of a romantic life.

Not that its really important. I wasnt going there to find anyone. But when you walk into a room and basically 95% of the people there are in a relationship, and all conversations are about who dated who, why x and y broke up, people asking for dating advice.

And upon entering the party, you get warned to look out for this cute guy, coz he's single and kind of needy and looking to latch onto someone, and then your friends notice how, yeah, he's clung onto every single girl at the party. Meanwhile, you havent even seen him. But thats just how my life is. Its not like I actually expected anyone here to suddenly fall in love with me. (I really didn't. But it still heard to hear that)

Idk it was a stupid punch in the gut.

Oh and the fucking pictures. There was constantly someone snapping pictures with exteeme flash scaring the shit out of me and making me so fucking cinscious of everything I was doing and how I looked. And on one side of course it would be nice to have them as a memory keepsake and being one of those kids that never wanted to pose for pictures i get now that it is a bit of a shame, but still, when i hate how i look why would i want that to be memorialised in extremely unflattering light, around stranger and for all of them to see later too. [Actually getting sick just thinking about it]

Anyway, a few hours went by and I made some small talk. There were moments of niceties among the awkward silences and staring ahead in a dissociated state.

But the longer it went on, the more I just felt like crying and I grew so much more aware of my soul sucking presence. Coz fuck am I cockblocking my bestie over here by clinging onto her to have someone, anyone to talk to? I totally am bumming everyone out arent I? If thats even if they notice me of course.

But it still feels early to leave and the FOMO kicks in. As if I wouldc actually participate or make part out of anything that could happen tonight. I cant do it anymore.

So I left, and cried on the way home, and now i'm crying while writing this and just feel so pathetic and ugly and dump and incredibly alone.

[Rant over]

[writing-mechanical-monsters]

Uh, some sort of OC Questionnaire thing idk

@oldfashionedidiot tagged me so, uh, yeah. I’ll answer their questions with what Rosabelle, Everest, Azure, Casey, and Harper would answer cause yeah👍🏻

1- Who is the person they would go to for advice when it comes to either romance or other problems in life?

Rosabelle: Probably Casey, they’re kind of the parent of their group of trainees, and a bunch of trainees that aren’t in their group as well.

Everest: Casey, definitely, they’re basically a parent figure to a lot of trainees.

Azure: Probably Casey, or Harper. Casey’s the parent figure to a lot of people, including me, but Harper has a husband, I heard that she and her husband don’t have the greatest relationship but still.

Casey: Probably Harper, she has a husband so I think she’d be pretty helpful, at least with advice for relationships.

Harper: Casey, they’re much better at whatever I might need advice for, like how to get the trainees to get out of bed in the morning.

2- What kind of music do they listen to or like to listen to in the distance if ever?

Rosabelle: Rock, punk, or any kind of alternative music, I think it’s better than, like, classical or country music, those are kind of boring if I’m honest.

Everest: Pop music, maybe, or just any sort of upbeat music. It helps me feel more energetic during training.

Azure: I don’t really listen to music, but I’m willing to listen to any kind of music if someone plays it or if anyone recommends a song.

Casey: I like a lot of sort of upbeat music, not for any specific reason, I just kind of do.

Harper: I don’t really listen to music, but if I had to choose a kind of music, then I’d choose classical, or any sort of older music genres similar.

3- What would be the first thing they do if danger suddenly comes to them? Do they run? Do they freeze in panic? Do they use their magic?

Rosabelle: Fight, definitely. Unless it’s a wild animal, then I’d just avoid it or scare it away.

Everest: Fight and make sure anyone else with me is okay, but if it’s some wild animal or anything I’d just leave it alone.

Azure: I’d let others deal with it, but if it’s a wild animal I’d try to calm it down or I’d just leave it alone.

Casey: Let others deal with it, I’d just make sure that everyone is okay

Harper: Fight, but mostly let others deal with it and make sure that everyone is fine afterwards.

Uh, let’s see, who can I tag and what questions can I have them answer, uh… I can’t really think of anyone to tag, dang. I’m just gonna stalk my followers’ posts to see if I could tag any of them, lol, sorry to them if they see this maybe idk. Uh, I’ll tag @agirlandherquill, and uh I can’t think of anyone else haha, so, uh, if anyone else sees this and wants to answer the questions, then, uh, do it, idk.

Anyways answer these questions if you want to:

1- If this character(s) could be a color, what color would they be and why?

2- Why were they named what their name is?

3- Who is the most important person in their life?

Btw pls tell me if there’s anything I should know abt these, uh, things, i don’ really know much abt them yeah idk

Anyways yeah that’s it, idk👍🏻 have a good day