#anyways i just really wish i could exist without this shit happening and the fact that shit like this has happened multiple times is horrid

[butch-himbo-king]

giving up being masc in 2024 i can’t handle everyone and their mother deciding they can say whatever unhinged shit their repressed horny brains are saying abt me it’s too much i’m retiring from serving butch realness cause these bitches can’t handle it

[hellaversity]

It really says something that the Helluva Boss fandom is willing to excuse every evil action Stella does and every evil thing she says, especially her abuse towards Stolas and begging for her to have sympathetic traits, yet not once have I ever seen an HB fan desperately wishing for Crimson or Mammon to be portrayed more sympathetically than they are in the show and call it bad writing when they don't show any redeeming qualities. The fandom just accepts the fact that those guys are pure evil without batting an eye. Nobody asks why they're the way they are. But Stella? Nope, there MUST be a sympathetic reason for her being an abusive bitch to Stolas because it's apparently "unrealistic" for a woman to abuse her husband out of spite never mind the fact that those kinds of women actually exist in real life.

These images pretty much speak for themselves.

Crimson, Striker, Mammon, Andrealphus and Valentino are no less two-dimensionally evil than Stella is. What reason did Crimson have to murder his own wife and make his son experience it? Just to traumatize him? The show never really says why he does it, he just does it so the audience can have a reason to hate him. What reason does Striker have to help Stella try to kill Stolas? None, as far as we know. What is there to Mammon's character other than abusing Fizzarolli and being a greedy asshole in general? Why does Andrealphus flirt with his own sister and participate in her scheme to have Stolas murdered by Striker? Because reasons. Why is Valentino a rapist who takes advantage of Angel Dust and sexually abuses him? Just because he can. What makes Stella any different from these guys other than being female?

Fans are just asking for her to be more sympathetic because she's a woman and they can't accept the fact that women are capable of abuse without trying to justify it. The whole "behind every bad bitch is a man who made her that way" bullshit. People who see a woman beating her husband in public and automatically assume he did something to deserve it even if they have no evidence or context for what actually happened. Even though Stella has been treating Stolas like shit before he cheated on her, and he likely wouldn't be sleeping with Blitzø if she wasn't so horrible to him in the first place. He never even puts his hands on her and allowed her to abuse him so that Octavia could live and grow up with normal parents. (As normal as Stella and Stolas could possibly get with each other, anyway.)

Stella made fun of Stolas for not participating in sex with her and laughed about it while he was standing 2 feet away from her, and knew he was there. Whether or not she raped him to produce Octavia is a discussion for another day. If anything, Stolas cheating on her was revenge for treating him like garbage for so many years. She humiliated and embarassed him in public before getting a taste of her own medicine when Stolas does the same to her in return. She wouldn't even let him divorce her because she enjoys being mean to him. I wouldn't mind if Stella was given more charaterization outside of "abusive wife" but honestly? I don't really care if she's given sympathy or not. I don't want to sympathize with her. If Valentino isn't gonna change his ways any time soon, I have no reason to believe that Stella can. FFS Stella apologists make me mad. Even if you type in the "anti stella" tag on tumblr there are more posts defending and excusing her actions than those actually opposing her and saying "uh, no, she's just a cruel bitch" meanwhile if you type "anti Stolas" that's exactly what you're gonna get, pretty much exclusively.

Goes to show how hyper-sensitive tumblrinas are over female characters rightfully being portrayed as in the wrong when they fucking are.

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Can we just talk about how incredibly insensitive and blissfully ignorant some fans are about trigger warnings for these very heavy and touchy subjects? Listen I’ve never been so disappointed in my damn life about this stuff, how are you going to read a comic about all of this heavy stuff that happens to people in real life yet also want people who’ve been affected by said topics to shut up or disengage from the comic completely. Y’all are giving this grown woman too much coddling at this point and it’s distressing, Rachel is a grown woman and it’s not like anyone forced her to put these topics into her story she understands (I hope but I say this loosely) that these discussions can be harder to experience for some people rather than others which is why trigger warnings exist and why you give your millions of fans who all come from very DIFFERING experiences than your own a trigger warning to warn them so their day won’t be demolished.

People have a right to call that shit out and if you don’t need the trigger warning good for you, stop acting like these people are insulting the comic by asking for one. It’s not like people are asking her to make a whole around the world trip in one day they are simply just asking for a damn trigger warning. I’m getting so extremely tired of Lore Olympus fans still not getting or even trying to understand this, these people understand that this comic handles serious things but just because Rachel has been “forgetting” the trigger warnings and they don’t want her allowing her fans to go head first into disturbing content doesn’t mean they want their hand held. Also, for the people saying that they should know when those scenes come up you make no sense anyways because you really can barely tell when scenes like these are coming without a trigger warning. The Demeter thing took me by surprise, so did Hera’s story, so did Demeter’s backstory, so did Hades’ shitty apology, etc. The amount of times that I got blindsided by serious topics such as those being dropped into the comic is way too fucking many to count so please don’t try and hide behind that excuse. There’s millions of fans out there who don’t expect shit like this just because you’ve been studying Lore Olympus and got down the mannerisms of the characters before something disturbing or traumatic is coming up doesn’t mean others do.

I’m sorry if I come off rash or meaner in this post I’m just extremely over this whole thing. I am a person that needs trigger warnings as well and last night I watched a video, thinking it would be funny, that ended up harming me. It was a “health” video and it was basically someone telling the viewers that regular human things happening to you is a sign of a painful death, I remember being so mortified that I felt my blood running cold and my heart pounding in my ears. If you didn’t know I’m very anxious, paranoid, and an overall hypochondriac so I don’t do well with shit like that coming up and randomly making itself known. I know many people probably wouldn’t care but I just wanted to let you guys know why trigger warnings are so useful and important to those that need them. Last night my body entered flight or fight mode just by that video alone and I was absolutely panicked, I was in so much distress and it was all because of one video. It only takes one chapter without a trigger warning to trigger worser things than that and we should all be mindful of that fact.

Again, sorry if all of this is aggressive or mean I didn’t mean anything by it I just wish that fans did better. It’s sad seeing them put down others for genuine concerns and it’s even sadder that Rachel does not do anything about it. There’s only so much toxic positivity you can fill up before there’s no real community left and there’s way too many fans who deserve at least a trigger warning with these things it really doesn’t take long to make and it could genuinely save people from these experiences such as mine.

Moral of the story is if you don’t need trigger warnings don’t bag on people who do, they’re not sensitive you just don’t share the same experiences as them and you don’t know what their background is at all. Be mindful that everyone isn’t you, respectfully.

[allthegothihopgirls]

SPEAKKK transfem carl im listening

basically she's inside my head and gnawing away at small pieces of my cranium as we speak.

i'm assuming this was in response to my isttvg AU post, which was just something that weirdly resembled the t4t rarl AU i've rotated around in my brain for YEARSSSSSSS. i can talk about my original AU ig, although it ventures far from just transfem carl.

so the only real major tv canon change that happens for transfem carl to consciously exist, is that ron's never killed by michonne. in this AU ron has wanted to run away from alexandria forever, to get away from his bigot dad and prevent suffocating within the town's boundaries.

ron being transfem and KNOWING IT is super important here. even more so the fact that he cannot express it whatsoever because of his father's influence, although he wishes to do so.

the canon rivalry between carl and ron doesn't exist in the same way. the two bond over their love of comic books, particularly one series with outdoor explorers who visit all these cool international landmarks. although it acts as a form of escapism for both of them (who for obvious reasons, this comes across as HIGHLY idealistic to), ron takes it to the extreme and fantasizes constantly about not only escaping the walls that confine him, but living these same kinds of adventures outside of them.

the two often play pretend to cater to these impossible lives they wish to live, where ron notably always insists on portraying a woman. i think that is what drives carl to inevitably notice that there's something running deeper there, and sparks that mutual realisation that they've both got something a little funny going on.

to me, carl is never able to have that realisation in himself, without witnessing second-hand ron's experience with transness. mainly because carl's always wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, and any ideal future that isn't being rick just doesn't exist as a possibility to him.

i think the first conversation the two have about their mutual transness, the one where they can't find the right words to explain anything, and only very vaguely try and broach the topic without really understanding what they're asking, happens just weeks before pete dies.

so then when pete is killed by rick, ron isn't angry, he sees it as an escape. he'll beg carl to leave with him, who has heard nothing but brief mentions of ron's plans previously.

and carl doesn't just shut that shit down, he's angry. he lashes out at ron because he just seems to have this fantastic ideal where he can live out to the fullest and never have to repress a single thing ever again. and carl will never have that. he's angry that ron can even conjure up a reality where he escapes, because all carl knows how to do is act in the interest of his own survival.

anyways THAT is what builds the rivalry they experience in canon.

so ron doesn't end up angry at rick for killing his dad. ron gets increasingly frustrated with the idea that the only thing holding carl back from running away with him forever, is rick. which ultimately isn't true, it's the practicality of staying inside the walls that draws carl in.

however because ron and carl don't really communicate from then onwards, ron has no way of knowing this.

so the shootout still happens. ron stands there gun in hand, the last of his remaining family being mauled in front of him, and this time he really begs carl to leave with him.

something about ron not having anything holding him back anymore, and how he could cut carl's ties right then and there by just shooting rick. he's coming off as crazed as he suggests that carl wouldn't even have to feel bad for requesting rick's death in the circumstances of the night, as he probably would have nothing left for him by morning anyways.

ron doesn't take no for an answer and shoots regardless of carl's refusal, and by the time carl gains his consciousness back, ron's gone and unaccounted for.

this is where anything that ron had potentially drawn out of carl in their time being friends, goes right back to where it was before. although this time it's conscious repression, rather than blissful oblivion.

he'll think about it all the time, but fail to stray from the clear-cut path which is being the successor to rick's leadership.

there's one time years down the road that ron does show up again out of curiousity. he's put his qualms to rest, and comes around just to see how carl's doing. except he only lurks from the shadows.

it's clear that ron was successful in whatever specific goals he had past just escaping.

carl spends a lot of time convincing himself that it wasn't ron he saw between the trees out on that run.

and then when carl is dying, more trapped inside alexandria's walls than he's ever been, ron is the only thing he can think of.

and it's one of the last thoughts he has, that he's never been himself, and he might have been if he just left when ron asked him to.

[thetrashbagswasteland]

Here For Now?

Ah yes, Here for Now, I've totally been working on that one as much as I'd planned and absolutely haven't been neglecting it nope no not me Anyhow, the plot of this fic follows Castis handling the death of his father, dealing with his grief and confusion about what he actually wants to do in life - suddenly fearing that he's going to end up set on the exact same path as his father. It's a heavy and sad fic for the most part, but hopefully all the more fun for it.

Avitus had just been happy to see him return with food, uncaring for anything more emotional than ridiculing a decade-old rom-com he found on the infotainment screen. Then again… maybe he had guessed something had happened, considering that he’d seemed determined to distract him as much as possible- and he’d been all too happy to let it happen between the terrible acting, worse plot and sour booze his better company had brought along.  It’d been nice, for the few hours until they’d given in and fallen asleep. Like just… being on holiday.  Truth be told, waking the next morning hadn’t been all that unpleasant either.  He’d woken first- or so he’d thought until he realised that his friend was indeed awake, belly-down on the bed so as to avoid the sickly sunrise which had woken him. Really though, even though he caught a sliver of black as Avitus eyed him before settling once more, he was loathe to move. Moving meant accepting the day that was to come and there was nothing he wished for less in that moment. Perhaps the fact his friend hadn’t moved either meant he had no desire to face it either though. It was nice though, he decided, getting to exist without either an alarm or interruptions from other occupants to the room. Something he could-  “You think too loud.” Avitus grumbled, stretching and letting his chin come to rest on his pillow, all without looking at him. Of course. There would be no getting used to something he didn’t want anyways, so best not to even consider it. Oh well. “At least I think at all.” Castis pointed out in the spirit of fairness. “As opposed to, what was it? Living fast to die young?” A grunt, then a waggle of mandibles in indecision. “Live fast, die young and most importantly, leave a pretty corpse, Tiz. That bit’s crucial.” He said it with such insouciance that it almost sounded appealing - if not romantic then certainly romanticised. “What’s the point in any of this if s’not to be the hottest fucking corpse in the morgue? Nah- I want people to look at me and go oh what a shame and he was so good looking. Let the fucking hierarchy send me home in a box and use me as a good example of dedication instead.”  “What about love?” He asked, recognising that he was toeing into dangerous territory with answering such a rhetorical question. Better grab his omni-tool band and prepare to be kicked out of bed quickly. All he received in answer was a small huff though. “Have you considered what you’ll do when you inevitably fail to die whilst young, handsome and honourable? What about trying to find someone to be happy with long-term instead?” To give him credit, he did at least seem to consider it - storm-dark eyes open and expression distant - before he shuttered it all behind nonchalance instead. “Fuck that, Tizzy.” Avitus snorted, rolling onto his back so he could find his own omni-tool. “Love an’ long-term shit… that’s for people like you, not me.” And then he was on his feet, stretching up until his bones creaked- which drew a contented little sigh he commiserated with entirely. “Besides, if I live that long and let someone get their talons stuck in me, they’ll start to expect kids and all that sort of horror- which, I repeat, fuck that, Tizzy.” How quintessentially him to equate most peoples idea of a good life to purgatory. Still, as Avitus shuffled off to shower, he took a moment to reflect on it- deliberately dense as they both did their best to be, even he couldn’t miss the quiet threat there; don’t get attached, I don’t want you. Fine. Fine by him. Besides, he reflected as he dragged himself out of bed and set out clothes for the day ahead- the day which was almost guaranteed to be exhausting and emotionally fraught enough without starting it by spooking his moral support away, Avitus was fun in the short term but spending the rest of his life with him? Spirits, he’d be driven insane before he had a chance to get old, wouldn’t he?

[aarcanegrimm]

14. The Dragon Valkyrie

Masterlist

Nebra Silva could have cared less about Noelle going missing some years ago... but is a nightmare all it takes for her to be knocked off her feet just like Nozel had been.

Warnings: swearing, blood, death and panic attack

Note: Someone asked about the dreams/nightmares in a previous chapter... I hope this helps- or not mwahahah

~~*~~*~~*~~

Four Years Ago

~~*~~*~~*~~

Nebra Silva has never thought she was good enough.

Nebra Silva has never been a good daughter.

Nebra Silva has never been a good sister.

She covered her failures as a Silva by looking down on anyone she could: commoners, servants, magic knights and even her baby sister… her baby sister Noelle who looked so much like their mother it hurt. From her sharp features to her determination Noelle was more like Acier than she was, so the day Noelle Silva vanished Nebra thought that it had been a blessing in disguise. She had killed their mother. Had plagued the family with her failures ever since Nozel brought her home- even their father loathed her existence.

Solid could have cared less about their sister or her vanishing from the castle- if anything the boy was more annoyed that he could no longer take his anger out on Noelle- and Nebra had never envied her sister more for disappearing without a trace because now on more than one occasion Nebra found herself with a new bruise or scratch to hide… just like Noelle did.

And then she noticed how Noelle’s nanny, Nozel’s childhood friend at that, crumbled. Cordelia wasted away from the second she found out that the youngest Silva was gone as if it was her fault and as much as Nebra wanted to comfort the woman she didn’t- she couldn’t. So she wasn’t surprised when she left the Silva residence and moved back into the arms of the Vermillion family as she had when she was younger and she wasn’t surprised by the letter now sat on her desk inviting her to a small engagement party- Cordelia was getting married… to Fuegoleon Vermillion of all people. Nebra tutted- of course she would go but… she had always thought it would be Nozel considering she had watched them smile shyly to one another, whisper sweet things to each other and then they just stopped- long before Noelle was gone.

Gone… but not dead and Nebra isn’t sure why but she knows it and has no way to convince anyone else on it because it was like everyone but those present in the castle that day remember. She sucked in a breath and turned to look out the window where Stargazer Lily’s of all colours bloomed and where Nozel sat once a week to clear his mind and ignore the fact that he too was crumbling.

Of course Nozel, her older brother, who she looked up to- who all the Silva siblings had looked up to had never stopped looking for her even when told she was most likely dead. It’s been three years and he is hardly the man he used to be. Don’t get Nebra wrong she cares deeply for him and sometimes she does miss the brat of a sister but she just doesn’t understand what about her vanishing broke him so much.

He was getting paler, bruising beneath his eyes showed his lack of sleep- if not for lack of trying. On more than one occasion she had heard him wake up screaming- on others she had heard him retching until he was in tears- but he wouldn’t get help and he wont tell Nebra anything, nor Solid or Father (who didn’t give a shit anyway). She needed to intervene.

Somehow, even as her own dreams had started feeling a little too real.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Noelle stood beside Nozel, her stance protective in a way Nebra knows that she should have been doing… Nebra should be standing beside Nozel, Nebra should be standing protectively over her siblings, but here she is laying limply in her little brothers arms as her blood pools beneath her.

She can’t even really hear what’s happening anymore, she’s too focused on ignoring the pain and wishing she was fighting.

Next thing Nebra knows Nozel is shielding them in a mercury ball and the magic space is flooding… Noelle’s idea… Noelle’s magic. She’s grown tremendously in her time away from them and Nebra can’t help the overwhelming sense of jealousy… but maybe it was guilt? But why would she feel guilt for the girl who’s birth took away their mother?

Nebra isn’t sure what happened next, her mind was hazy and dull, but she could see Nozel stood over her, just barely hear as he… apologised to Noelle.

Nozel apologising sounded too good to be true regardless of the why. Nebra hadn’t expected to look up and see their baby sister’s eyes go glassy with tears, and a watery armoured dress dripping from her like a waterfall.

Gods she looked so much like their mother.

Nebra found a strength that had been slowly depleting as she tried to rise as Noelle began swaying on the spot. Any other time she would have paid to see her older brother apologise- any other time she wouldn’t have lodged compass needles further into her bleeding out body as she tried to move.

"Brother? Noelle doesn't look so good." Solid said but Nebra’s own ears were ringing and her head spinning as she tried to move from his hold.

Any other time Nebra would have revelled in seeing her sister look so weak- but the sickening crack of her knees against tiles made her wince. Nebra dreaded what she would see when she finally looked towards her baby sister- the one she has detested since her birth. Going by Nozel’s expression however, it wasn’t pretty.

“Noelle!” He’d screamed.

She could feel Solid try to bring her back into his arms, but she was just dead weight now�� dead… Nebra was dying and there was no mistaking that.

No mistaking Nozel rushing towards the baby sister they neglected.

No mistaking the snap of Mercury around the Elf in the corner. She was out for good now.

The second eldest Silva whined as she forced herself to roll onto her side, the compass needle seeming to dissipate once Kivn was knocked out completely. She could feel the slick of blood under her palms as she pushed herself, forced herself to see what happened. Solid thankfully decided to help her, bring her closer to their siblings. He was as white as his hair as he did.

Of all the things Nebra thought would frighten her… never once did she think seeing her lifeless baby sister would be one. A deep wound across her stomach to her hip… she felt sick as she reached a blood-soaked hand as if, from this distance, she could grasp Noelle’s hand.

"Nozel what's happening?" She asked, and though his mouth moved she heard next to nothing.

Nebra could barely do more than whine, but she could see the shaking breaths in her little sister’s chest even with her own fading vision. She wasn’t gone just yet… but Nebra knew neither sister would be making it out of this room.

"Noelle I need you to answer me." Nozel shook Noelle, she had a far off look in her eyes as she swayed, muttering ever so quiet, too quiet for Nebra to hear.

"No. No Noelle you didn't kill her! You didn't it isn't your fault!" Nozel wanted to scream as his youngest sister's eyes slowly shut and she began to slump. Nozel moved her so she was lying down, facing the night sky. "Noelle! Please.. I need to fix this; I need to tell you the truth."

It was too late. She wasn't breathing anymore and those pezzottaite pink eyes now dull and lifeless.

"Nozel?" Solid questioned quietly. "Noelle what's wrong?"

"She isn't breathing." Nozel said, hands searching for a pulse in her neck and wrists. "I can't feel a pulse."

"Why are you panicking though? What's she done for the family? She killed mum." Solid snapped... he didn't mean it really but what else could he say he's hated Noelle since she was born but regardless...

"She didn't." Nozel said. "Mum was killed by... something else... I needed to keep Noelle safe, this was the only way... and I still failed. I failed to protect Mum, I failed to protect Nebra and now I've failed to protect Noelle again.”

Nebra didn’t understand. Solid didn’t understand. What was Nozel admitting?

Solid gave a grunt in response- he didn’t care about Noelle, but Nozel clearly did. A tear slipped down Nebra’s cheek as she took in a slow painful breath.

“You didn’t kill her Noelle… a monster did, and I couldn’t… I can’t tell anyone who or what it was… I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry all of you.”

And oh, how Nebra wished she knew all of this before. How she wished she could start again. It was too late now… the room was dark, the sounds muted and her body cold.

~~*~~

Apparently she had been in and out of consciousness for a few days now, her heart trying to give out more than once. Was it terrible that she wished it had, that she had been correct in thinking she was going to die. Even with Solid by her side and Nozel practically living in the nearby med bay bed (according to the soft chatter she heard when she did wake briefly) she felt like shit.

Noelle hadn’t killed their mother.

Noelle wasn’t a monster.

Noelle was dead.

Noelle was dead… dead… dead…

Solid spoke to her, but she couldn’t respond. Wouldn’t respond as she stared weakly at the ceiling of the private room. She felt sick, felt wretched and awful. She had watched as Solid hurt Noelle, had laughed as he did and for what? So Nozel could keep her safe in some sick and twisted way.

Nozel… Nebra dragged her eyes towards the ragged looking man who had only left the room on occasion to see the other Captains. She hated him- hated herself for what they did to their little sister- she would never be able to fix it, be able to be the sister she should have been all because of him and her own selfish anger.

“Nebra.” Nozel had placed a hand in her hair. “Awake now?”

“Where is she?” She rasped out instead.

“The Black Bulls are preparing for her funeral.” He choked on a sob as she brought her eyes back to the ceiling. She said nothing more, barely hinted that she had heard him as Solid tightened his grip on her hand.

The funeral was as dreary as it should be, Nozel knelt in the mud, rain pelting down on them all just as it had when they had mother’s funeral. She hadn’t seen him in the days leading up to this one and it wasn’t like she wanted to see him.

Nebra sat in a chair she had been half carried to not hearing a thing her brother was saying, not hearing anything the Black Bulls were saying either as she stared at the grave, dirt freshly thrown atop a now buried coffin containing her little sister… instead of herself.

She heard nothing as she was taken back to the med bay bed, nurses fretting over her getting a cold as she began getting sleepy. The kind of sleepy that will be dreamless, the kind that had the nurses begin to panic.

Nebra Silva wished she was enough.

Nebra Silva wished she was a better daughter.

Nebra Silva wished she was a better sister.

~~*~~*~~*~~

Nebra awoke with a start, like her heart had been jump started into a racing beat.

She was in her room… her room that used to be right by Noelle’s. She doesn’t remember sleeping here, she remembers being in the med room but why would they bring her here of all places- her room, the one she moved to well after Noelle had been moved to the Black Bulls was on the other side of Nozel’s further down the hallway.

But she knows this room, if she looked out the window she would see the Stargazer Lily’s… in the other she saw the forest and blue, blue skies. In this room she had decorated it with violets and whites, in the other it was blues and creams.

But… no this was her room… was, is, was, is, was… her head began to spin as images and flashes of memory struck her. She needed to see Noelle, needed to make sure she wasn’t buried beside their mother. Why? Why did she need to see that? She wasn’t buried, she wasn’t even here.

What?

Nebra rose and stumbled, her nightgown sticking to her sweat soaked skin as she nearly tripped towards the door, out the door, taking those few trembling steps towards Noelle’s room.

She pressed open the door… the smell of dust tickled at her nose, invaded her senses even though the room looked clean… and young, too young. The cupboard was open, small dresses fit for a child hanging proudly, ribbons and stuffed animals decorating the room. It was getting so stuffy in here, she couldn’t breathe.

She can’t breathe.

She can’t..

She…

She fell to the floor, heaving, trying to catch her breath as her mind and the room began to spin. Noelle, where was Noelle? She was dead- no she was gone, missing- dead… dead…

“Princess.” A voice so distant called, a voice smooth and warm- trying to ground her. “Princess Nebra, hey it’s me Thomas I’m in your squadron placed on guard duty tonight. I need you to focus on me. Please princess focus on me.”

She can’t, she can’t, she can’t.

“Tell me three things you can see.” He said.

“You, bed… floor.” She said shakily.

“Something you can feel.” He continued.

“Feel? Nothing, nothing… cold… the floor is cold.”

“Good. You’re doing so good. Something you can hear?”

“Your… your voice… my voice.”

“Now take in a deep breath, follow my breathing.” Thomas pulled her hand to his chest, taking deep breaths, holding and exhaling, holding and doing it all again.

After a few minutes she found herself leaning against the cold stone wall of Noelle’s room, still shaking but no longer… gone.

“Want to talk or would you rather I walked you back to your room and forgot this happened?”

“Had a nightmare.” She said without thinking as she finally registered the man with the honey smooth voice. Thomas O’Malley- a man with copper red hair, gold eyes and an attitude that she couldn’t help but react to every single time. “Don’t… don’t know what’s real…”

“Want to tell me what you think is and isn’t real?”

“Where’s Noelle?” She said instead and she watched as his eyes softened. Dead? Gone… where was she?

“It’s been three years, two months and nine days since Noelle went missing Nebra.”

“Missing?” She said breathlessly. He nods.

“Come on, let me take you back to your room. I won’t tell a soul I swear it.”

She only nodded, letting him guide her through the hall back to her room.

“How did you…” she trailed off.

“I was making my rounds as you started stumbling towards her room.” He said quietly. “Only I saw you… nightmares make you do weird shit- trust me I know and immediately having a panic attack wouldn’t help you.”

She nods again as he pushes open the door for her, escorting her into the room.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks.” Nebra said weakly.

“You can talk to me if you need to Princess.”

She didn’t answer this time, numbly making her way back to bed as he shut he door on his way out. She would figure this out… later… she just needed more sleep.

~~*~~*~~*~~

Sleep had been of no use.

Hadn’t been for the days, months and years following. She watched as Nozel became a different man, felt how she began to change too and Thomas had kept his promise- he told no one, never even asked how she was outside of squadron meetings… she just didn’t get it.

What was real? Noelle was gone or… was she dead?

Those questions plagued her even now- even though she knew that those nightmares… that’s all they had to be right?

It wasn’t like she could see the future… and time travel certainly didn’t exist… did it?

Nebra sniffed indignantly as she and Nozel strode towards the Captain’s balcony whilst she eyed the other Captain’s and their companions. They all had the usual vice or senior mage by their side but Yami… The Black Bull’s had some nobleman’s son, some weird looking man and a young copper haired girl who truthfully looked like she should be in the exam not with Yami. The Captain’s greeted one another, companions saying hello as well even though that young girl managed to keep well away from practically everyone (Though Leopold certainly tried his best to say hello).

She would have brushed it aside had it not been for the way Fuegoleon practically swung back around to look at the girl… who was now well out of sight… great this exam was coming up to be a fucking weird day.

[lanaevyssmoved]

Its really not your fault im illiterate at reading people so i interperted you posting less about him as not liking him anymore but also i know how shit i am at this so i assumed im Wrong lmao anyway your tags thou!!! So many questions!! If you are up for it and you are okay with talking about this, could you tell us what gale did to you like how did he change you 👀 because 1)i love reading how gale has made people realize so many things about themselves 2) SAME I COULD WRITE A BOOK ON HOW THE RIZZARD CHANGED ME FUNDAMENTALLY HOLLYSHIT anyway thanks for being awesome fray honestly my fav blog and i hope to see more about your ocs and just generally everything ❤️ i hope more people talk to you about gale !!!

hmm.. well, since you're so cute anon

i've just come out of a decently long relationship that wasn't healthy, in fact i came out of it very shortly before bg3 released. throughout that relationship i was too exhausted and drained to.. really care about much for more than a day. i felt like i was broken and my ability to find new special interests (autistic style) was just gone, and i couldn't love my existing ones anymore either.

bg3 is the first thing i've really cared about in awhile, i cared about it enough to start posting on tumblr again, to make gifs and to write for the first time in a decade! and it wouldn't have happened without gale, specifically. i didn't really post about my first tav, i didn't post about other characters, it was my need to see and consume more gale that.. has me here on tumblr right now.

and honestly - afhiri became so important to me because i really enjoyed their dynamic with gale. afhiri wouldn't be afhiri if it wasn't for gale!!! so . like

i don't think gale changed me so much as gale came into my life at just the right time to help me feel alive again and want to have friends again and be around people again. to be in a community and have a shared interest with lots of people. sometimes it gets overwhelming and i wish i was alone again, self isolating again, but then i see a new fat gale fanart and i'm fixed

[the-tubort]

I got bored so I started thinking about the importance of the various Summer Movies for Super Sentai since sometimes they can be completely irrelevant and a wast eof time or will be important to the plot somehow and comeback in a way that makes you wish you saw the movie. (Note I have not seen every Sentai with a Summer Movie and some of these are based purely off of my memory since I haven't rewatched some seasons in forever)

Gaoranger: The Summer Movie is fun to see Gao Knight but literally nothing from it comes back in any meaningful or noticeable to my memory

Hurricaneger: If you wanted to see Tenrai Senpuujin several episodes early, then here you go! This one is just kinda there from what I remember like it's fine but it's placement is awkward and they don't even bother to mention Tri Condor appearing in the movie first at all.

Abaranger: This is a must watch for a multitude of reasons, but the events of this movie do come back during the show in a very big way so it's worth watching.

Dekaranger: It's more Dekaranger go watch it for fun. Dekaranger doesn't even have that big of a plot in the first place so this is just a lot of fun so watch it

Magiranger: This expands more on the lore of the world and does some foreshadowing for other stuff in the show but isn't extremely necessary. Watch it if you want to see Hikaru get bullied for no reason

Boukenger: From what I remember of Boukenger, this movie just advertised that the machines 6-10 could in fact combine and then added another Precious that did not really get talked about again

Gekiranger: I haven't seen all of Gekiranger but I have seen the movie and it debuts an amazing mech form that does come back quite often but it's not like this movie invented completely if that makes sense

Go-Onger: The series takes like two episodes of its runtime to literally bring back the movie characters and general plot so yes you do need to watch it

Shinkenger: The Summer Movie toy appears quite often in the show and post series content so yes do watch this. It's good regardless of its status as necessary anyways one of the best summer movies

Goseiger: The Summer Movie toy shows up I think a totalc of one extra time in the series and they don't even bother to reference that it came from the movie like at all its honestly not worth the time

Gokaiger: it's a fun time but nothing that happens in the movie changes or develops anything we didn't already know about the cast and their end goals. (Watch the vs Gavan movie though that shit is fire)

Kyoryuger: The Summer Movie cast, toy, and villain all come back in the main series and while they do provide minor context it's good to know the full movie regardless. It's also just super fun anyways

ToQger: not super necessary since it never gets directly mentioned until a Vs. Movie but this is genuinely one of the best movies they've made and when you watch ToQger along with this movie you'll understand

Ninninger: The most I can say about this movie is that the mech shows up the Vs ToQger movie for like 2 minutes which was neat

Zyuohger: This movie was cool but the mech and general plot I wanna say only get brought up like once for a quick reminder that it existed I think? Also Yamato gets beaten up a lot in this movie as is Zyuohger tradition

Kyuranger: Genuinely I was so excited to see the summer toy in this movie and I could not tell you a si gle thing that happens and neither can the cast of characters cause they never once bring it back

LuPat: Surprisingly yes this is necessary for something that happens at the end of the show. If you know, you know.

Ryusoulger: This is one of the more recent seasons + movie I watched and quite honestly I could not tell you much of what happens in the movie because for as much build up in the series led up to it, it impacted the story so minimally the show does a perfect job of summing it up without wasting the time it took to watch the movie. Whatever lore they dropped in the movie, you get in the show but at least seeing the lore in action is cool instead of not seeing it

Kiramager: Okay technically not a Summer Movie due to COVID but it counts in my heart forever. This is somewhat necessary they built it up a bit with the main villain being name dropped before her appearance and then they reference it in the literal last episode but its not like you're missing much if you choose to not watch it. I do recommend seeing it though for a certain scene. If you know, you know.

Donbrothers: The most recent movie and honestly I could not tell you if it was necessary at all considering the show isn't over but Inoue did bother to spend a whole two minutes to reference the movie happening and a single scene referencing it did happen so yknow. Go for it. I will say it is fucking hilarious and I couldn't breath at some points

[tenebrius-excellium]

I love your post about backend motivation vs frontend motivation in the HTTYD series!!! I’ve always had a bit of a problem with the sequels (especially the third movie) that I could never put into words, but the difference in motivation is EXACTLY it. The Hidden World in particular had a specific ending in mind, wich isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but their solution was to force the ending into existence instead of letting the story naturally build up to the ending. And you can feel the story straining soooooo much when Toothless acts like a dog for twenty minutes or Grimmel does something simple/obvious that the narrative treats as an ingenious act of strategy. It’s just not genuine! The characters simply wouldn’t act like that, but the writers let plot dictate characters instead of the other way around, and it’s just. so disappointing. There has to have been a way to keep the natural tensions and eventual triumphs of dragon/human bonds without resorting to flattening everyone’s character and taking the story in a weird, half-baked direction.

————————————————————————————-

Oh my gosh B. You’re still there??????? THANK YOU for being faithful to my blog even tho I’ve not really posted anything proper in ages!!! I’m so happy to hear from you!!!

I’m glad you liked my post XD Ok so. I remembered that what I tried to express is called “Watsonian vs. Doylish” interpretation in fandom (based on this post), or easier, it’s about giving in-universe explanations vs. ex-universe explanations for something that happens in the plot. The actual literary terms according to Gérard Genette for that would be “intra-diegetic” vs. “extra-diegetic”. 

The specific difference the terms “back-end vs. front-end motivation” makes, seems to be the phenomenon that building a story from the start allows it to better make sense inside the universe, whereas building a story from its ending reveals the circumstances that the author found themselves in when creating it.

Anyway so what I always found strange is that Httyd2 had all those same problems you named, yet no one talks about that and only bashes on the third movie! Wanna enlighten me on why the second movie worked for you???

Ok so this is spontaneously going to turn into the “Ooc Hiccup post” that I promised at the beginning of the year. I hope you’re ok with that. 

WHY IS HICCUP OOC IN HTTYD2?

because his new conflict (”becoming Chief”) was pulled out of thin air and wasn’t already an established extension of Berk’s situation. (a part I always loved about Httyd1 was that Hiccup wasn’t made out to be a Disney Princess who would have to face the duty of leading eventually. I expected the question of succession to be handled far more casually - that someone who wanted to be worthy could be Chief on Berk, not because Hiccup was expected to continue Stoick’s legacy. In fact I wish Stoick would have let him go rampant with the smithy and all his crazy inventions, making him Gobber’s successor first - since Gobber is also canonically older than Stoick - and lining Astrid up to be the next actual Chief. There could have been a sudden plot twist where Astrid realizes she doesn’t want to do it alone and that she needs Hiccup in this with her. It would have made them the ruling couple in a different way.)

because the movie made him immature on purpose so it could justify slapping the “necessary” growth arc on him. (Look, Hiccup has always been reckless and a little bit too trusting when presented with danger, but he was never ignorant of a certain reality or too stupid to see error in his ways. Httyd2 depicts him as a naive dragon geek who can’t see past the destructive potential this has on the humans around him. Eret has had a shit life and a dark past. Drago has his reasons for what he does. Yet Hiccup is far too quick to ignore the trauma that the tribes of the Archipelago suffered because of the dragon plague, and simply forgives his mother despite the fact that she chose to save dragons over raising her own son. It’s all in the name of dragon welfare now and that is just not Hiccup. Og Hiccup took time to engage with Astrid’s valid scepticism. Og Hiccup killed the Red Death to save his tribe. He did not attempt to train that one, if you get what I’m saying. The dragons were never pets.)

because Stoick died only so he wouldn’t get in the way of Hiccup’s leadership. (After all that happens, Hiccup - to me - hasn’t suddenly evolved into a wiser or more experienced person. He just righteously got his ass kicked for the stupidity that was forced onto his character. He then becomes Chief not because he has learned much from the situation, but because Stoick is now dead. It’s true that Hiccup says “Sorry, Dad” to the funeral pyre, but it is never specified what he’s sorry for. To me, he does understand that he got his father killed, but he doesn’t get a grasp on why. He hasn’t the faintest notion of what Stoick did for him, to what extent his father came after him. There was desperation in Stoick to save his son. And Hiccup never feels this guilt much. It is then very convenient that he can freely lead the people of Berk and appear as a competent Chief simply because there is no more Stoick to disagree with him. I loved the version in the books where Hiccup becomes king and Stoick as well as Valhallarama are both alive and well to see it!!!! And Stoick, Chief of the Hairy Hooligans, has to take a step back and let his son shine.)

Right. So that’s that. The second point is by far my greatest criticism regarding Httyd2. Hiccup, in my opinion, was always balanced between the needs of dragons and humans. He is not a “dragon geek”. It simply so happened that a dragon became his best friend because no one else wanted to be his friend at first. Movie!Hiccup is an “invention geek”!!! The time he spends building stuff in the smithy is so important to his character! He doesn’t fix stuff by talking. He fixes stuff by building tools first and explaining them to everyone else second. That’s how I’ve always understood him. Httyd3 Hiccup partly returned to that focus with his fireproof armor, the fully developed flightsuits and the docking contraption for ships that he made on New Berk. The Hiccup I know acts more, gains emotional insight by observation, and talks less.

Of course I agree with all of your criticism of Httyd3. Yes the movie felt strained. But I admit that because I enjoyed Hiccup’s hesitant yet determined character again, I can overlook its flaws much easier than the flaws of Httyd2.

Let me know what you think!

[asknarashikari]

I love the fact that Sara's the one who vocalized the stereotypical "but you can't go, what about me" line that's usually a line for men to invalidate the girl's wishes. [and props to Sara for realizing that Neon's the one suffering and she's forcing her]

and then we have Keiwa who asks if its what she wants.

Do you think if Neon answered yes to that question, would he have respected Neon's wishes? He would, wouldn't he?

Because when Neon answered, she doesn't know, Keiwa gives her another option other than to leave for the future and let people forget about her.

Instead of discussing the divisive character that is one Azuma Michinaga, why don't we have a discussion about the biggest Taneko crumb we got :p

Hmm, I think it was an interesting take on the trope, but mainly I feel like it was a way to demonstrate the two sides that Neon's wish will affect.

On Sara's side, it shows how someone's personal happiness can upset/hurt someone, but that shouldn't stop them from doing what they must to gain that happiness. That the happiness she gets from Neon's videos shouldn't come at the expense of Neon's own happiness.

On Neon's side, it shows that someone like Sara, who only really knew her superficially until then, could still genuinely care about her and be upset that she wants to be forgotten. She simply assumed that Sara could just find someone else to fill the void she leaves behind.

I love Keiwa's entire response, really. It brings home the fact that the circumstances of Neon's existence doesn't matter to him, much like how "Ace is [still] Ace" to him (before shit went down anyway).

(The taneko crumbs in this episode were excellent!)

He would probably understand if Neon was resolved to seeing it through, even if he's upset about.

That said, I also think he picked up on the fact that Neon didn't give much thought for what would come after the wish, what would happen after she basically unpersons herself. Keiwa is far more observant than people give him credit for, and he probably noted that she claims to be making the wish so people wouldn't worry about her, without ever speaking about herself.

He made Neon think about what she wants for herself. Reminded her that she can stand to be a little selfish and want some happiness for herself, and that there are people who don't see her as a replacement for a dead girl or an ideal placed on a pedestal or a pawn in business dealings.

(Also, lmao Keiwa just straight up offered her to move in with him... oh this oblivious tanuki probably didn't realize the implications)

[misc-obeyme]

hello hello, its sibling angst anon again ^^ i loved your response so pls dont apologize for the long ramble, bc i get like that about it too!! also, im glad you liked my song recs <3

speaking of those sibling slideshows i mentioned, for some reason tiktok has filtered them out so when u look them up, they dont show up??? you just kinda get them on ur fyp one day. or atleast thats what happens to me. but if u look up sibling webweaving here on tumblr, ohhh boy. its basically an amalgamation of different types of media be it poetry, song lyrics, shows and movies, and book excrepts all packaged as one that pertain to a theme. my fav is those about mothers and siblings, so unequivocally human. its like walking down a museum tbh.

and agh, i loved your thoughts on the demon bros sibling dynamics. plus yeahhh, its kinda hard to take anything seriously since it is an otome game, BUT who says u cant come up with your interpretations and thoughts? whos gonna stop you? anyway, each brother has a level of depth that is screaming to be fleshed out, but its all very surface level on game. belphegors burdening shame and regret from watching lilith die in front of him, and by extension beelzebub having the same feelings and/or his own guilt. (i remember belph talking about his trauma and the immersion immediately breaks off when an option pops up on the scream, "ask him to kiss you." LIKE. place and time!) asmodeus and lucifer, their entire relationship T_T speaking of which, satan and lucifer?! they're brothers, or say they are and the rest just kinda go with it. but does no one else wanna bring up how satan was even brought to existence? he was literally birthed from luci's wrath during the celestial war. thats like, a gateway for someone to write a long philosophical analysis about him and what it symbolizes. aghhudhwdhwhd i wish i could say more, but i'm literally out of words rn. if i was mc, i'd have to fight everyday to keep it together without breaking down and crying about this. espeically having to live under the same roof as them...ooofff

speaking of complex siblings dynamics, have you see succession? its a show on hbo. its about an ultra rich and powerful family that is ultimately, dysfunctional. theres four siblings and their relationship mean sooo much to me. i wont drop any spoilers just in case you dont know anything, but when i say dysfunctional i meant it!! one of the things i like about this show is that it doesnt have any flashbacks or show the backstories for most of the characters, rather they kinda drop pieces of information randomly and you just go ??? that happened ??? youd think it wouldnt be a good storytelling strategy bc how are you going to emotionally connect the story to your audience? but somehow, the show does it really well. for example, one of the brothers, roman, was heavily abused. and sometimes one of his siblings would go, "yeah i remember when dad used to heavily beat the fuck out of you" offhandedly, like its a cute little fun fact. and youre sitting there like....when did THAT happen??? ofc they wouldnt show it, but if you watch how roman and his father interact on show (roman is so submissive and scared next to his father) it starts to make sense. its like the "show dont tell" but they switch around to "tell and show." subtle interactions like that fully exposes a characters psychology. subtle body language goes a long way. theres also the eldest brother connor, whos seen as the father figure bc their real dad is so neglectful. but tbh connot gets shit on a lot and uuyfuefehfe theres more. i would talk about this all day. sibling angst got me on a chokehold.

anyway, sorry if i made 0 coherent sense but heres the end of the ramble T-T have a good day :3

(if i come back, can i be  🧬 anon?)

Welcome back! And of course you can be 🧬 anon, I will add it to the list!

Oh man, so I did a search for sibling webweaving and I was like woah what is all this lol. I had no idea there was a term for stuff like this, but I'm fascinated! I must not be getting the TikTok videos... admittedly my use of that platform is limited lol.

The thing about the otome game not delving into things means that we all get to speculate and come up with whatever we want. It's a blessing and a curse lol. On the one hand, I like being able to come up with my own interpretations. But on the other hand, it'd be nice to have just a little more depth that what we have.

I have thoughts about Belphie and specifically what happened in the OG with him. That was definitely a situation of, there is so much more going on here than they're bothering to get into. I also get that they can't really do a ton of that, partly due to the medium and partly due to the amount of characters they have to deal with. Like I think they can only choose to flesh out certain characters and the rest kind of end up on the back burner. Which is annoying because there's so much potential for so many amazing stories!

I also have a lot of thoughts about Satan and his relationship to Lucifer and everybody. It's like they give us just enough to make the story dramatic, but in the end everybody loves each other and so on and so forth. I'm not saying both Satan and Belphie shouldn't be able to reconcile what happened to them and move on, but it just happens so fast. It seems too easy. So I kind of headcanon it as, they hide everything. Not just those two, but all the brothers have a certain level of trauma that they just bury deep or at the very least don't display in front of MC. I know they make MC out to be the demon therapist, but nobody resolves their issues in one session and that's all they're normally limited to. But of course they don't have time to get into things that deeply in a mobile otome game lol.

I have not seen Succession! It sounds pretty intense. I think it's always interesting when media use different techniques to tell their story. Of course I have very little knowledge of how TV scripts are written, but for story writing, the way a character reacts can imply all kinds of past history, even if you don't know exactly what happened. Flashbacks are helpful, but I think it's interesting to have a bit of a mix. A character is always going to tell the story of their past a little differently than how it actually happened. And I find that it can reveal a lot about character just to see what they change or leave out when telling it. Of course, who they're speaking to can affect that as well. But it's definitely an interesting concept!

No worries, you made plenty of sense lol! You are always free to come back to my ask box if you so desire! <3

[mildew-spirits]

TW: RAMCOA, PROGRAMMING

Wow. Three posts in one night. How "cool."

I went from feeling like an emotional light switch that got turned off into being an angry light switch who's pissed off at the world. One week. One word. That's all it took for our life to go to even more shit then it was. That's all. All it took. And now our life is completely changed. I want to go back, I want to go back to when no one knew me or any of my sidesystem existed. I want to go back to before we did research. I want to stop ourself. But who am I kidding we would've still done it anyway. We have questioned many things over the past few years especially ever since system things came to light. Some things we have been right about and some things we have been wrong about and just went on with our day. I wish this was that. I want it to be that so badly. I want to wake up tomorrow and go "oh my bad". But I can't do that and neither can anyone in my system who knows do that. I want to go back and stop this. Yes, it would've happened at one point or another I know that. But why now? Why now? Why did we have to see that God damn post that mentioned programming? Why did we have to have the gut feeling to research it? There were signs. There always were signs. I feel like everyone always says that once they make a new discovery. There was signs. A few of us had suspected religious trauma. Another few of us had suspected sexual trauma on top of what we already had. We tried to think about it and wondered why the dots weren't connecting. It was because we didn't get the whole picture. I hate this. I hate this a lot. From what I've gathered, we can't even talk about this without feeling screwed one way or another afterwards. But we still try. We still did it just to have proof something was in fact happening. I want to go back to being one of the innocent ones who doesn't know. I wish we were educated or warned before researching. It still would've gone to shit but surely it would've taken longer then a week. Instead we had no warnings, no nothing. Just a morbid itch and curiosity to keep going. And that's on us right? I'm pissed at us, I'm pissed at everything. A WEEK AGO WE WERE OKAY AND LIVING LIFE AND NOW ITS BEEN FOREVER WRECKED. We had trauma before this. We were always confused on why some of those were just apart of collective memory and some could even recall it without hiccup. We felt it was weird because for a system as complicated as ours surely there'd be more to the story. WHY DO YOU GET TO WRECK OUR LIFE IN JUST A WEEK. 4-9. 4-9 is when he had easy access to us. 4-9 is when our parents willingly let us go with him under the guise we were with a trusted adult. Yeah, sure, after the almost wreck (at 7?) it was touch and go, but still had access. "He used to take you everywhere" ... She. She had shown signs of programming. She was our best friend for years. How did we not know. Almost felt like she unknowingly projected it onto us. So many things felt weird. And we just. Went through life. We trusted him. We were fine. A week ago. We were fine. It's not fair just how fucked up our life could get in a week. Growing up, we had this weird social anxiety around adults, especially around ones we didn't know. Our voice would automatically go a higher pitch. It still does. I wonder if that's connected. I'm not going to be that person who pins all their issues on their latest discovery as I know that's simply not true. But I really do have to wonder what all is connected in this web of fuckery. So many unexplained things I wonder just how many can be explained now.

[bitegore]

Top 5 song to have a break down to plz?

In no particular order, and due to my own particular flavor of brain stuff:

"From Now On We Are Enemies" by Fall Out Boy This is an older breakdown song for me that someone else reintroduced me to recently! Back in the ancient days of yore, when I was a younger and less functional beastie, I wanted to be really good at everything I did not for attention (though that was in there too) but so that I could die at 25 and not be immediately forgotten by the rest of the world. Reasonable ass goal, of course. I was also, like, in the gifted-kid track for academics and winning awards for my art locally and playing instruments and singing music and stuff and I was just old enough that some of my peers also started doing that and doing better than me. Felt kind of bad, as you would imagine; like I was being upstaged. Anyway, this song is about one of Mozart's peers, a fellow composer, wishing bitterly to be better than Mozart despite the fact that Mozart was essentially a child prodigy and this peer was like... less of a prodigy. Something about losing the spotlight and falling behind and never ever catching up just gets to me. I feel like some of us can relate.

So Long Sentiment by Celldweller - Nightcore Remix It's got to be the nightcore; for some reason the OG never hits me. I have no idea why this one gets to me since I'm not allowed to read those particular processes but they sure exist. I bawl my eyes out to this song every time I get a weird desire to put it on. Immediately after this song in the playlist I listen to it on is HHGREG PANASONIC BLU RAY 99 DOLLARS. This is like not a normal amount of tonal whiplash, but it's really funny to be sobbing like a baby while HHGREG PANASONIC BLU RAY 99 DOLLARS plays in the background so I haven't changed it yet.

Black Honey by Thrice "I fucked up and I'm so fucking stupid about this shit that I'm gonna do it again on purpose and be surprised at the consequences staying the same or increasing," the song. excellent at kneecapping me whenever i damage or destroy a thing I own that I need to avoid doing that to, which happens about once a week. Plus it's like a really good Motormaster song. It's so that guy.

Anchor by Thank You Scientist Glad to see that instead of dealing with life being hard, you've decided to lay down and die; can I interest you in some music about that then? This song makes me want to swallow shards of broken glass and I mean that in a good way but, like, damn. > "This punishment doesn't fit the crime > Torture, without change > More of the same > Stop closing open doors > Cancel my tomorrow > Got no chance > Finding comfort in denial > Got used to the mess" > "Sorry, I can't take it anymore, I swear > I swear this time I'm getting back to good > When will I > Wake up > Will I ever learn > It's just the same old story > Same old ball and chain" Like. Augh. Stoppit. Fuck off. Who said you could say this to me.

Nobody Praying For Me by Seether listen it's really hard to take yourself seriously listening to this song but it's also so dramatic and self-efficacing at the same time that it's good for sort of snapping you out of it while not making you feel like you're being forced to remember that it doesnt matter, since that doesn't help. but like > "Cause if I stand up, I break my bones > And everybody loves to see a forward fold > Ain't nobody giving up > Cause nobody gives a fuck" The way this dude sings it, it's like almost a joke. And like frankly having a breakdown is practically like a fucking joke like. Come on. You are crying while probably wearing half of a pair of pants and have ice cream on your tits and something stupid as fuck just happened and now you're sitting like, on the floor or some shit. Get up, dumbass, no one's paying attention and the audience is only gonna laugh. Lmao. Anyway I like it.

[lamnwar]

Love to See You Squirm // Kise Ryōta x Fem!Reader

MDNI 18+ knb kinktober entry!

A/N: first kinktober entry ever ahhh!! <333 Context: Learning that you like to be tied up might have been the best thing that ever happened to you. Warnings: Hard dom!Kise x Rope bunny! reader, bonding, pussy eating, fingering, nipple play, reader has a praise kink, use of "slut" and "whore" (affectionately)

You are, without any reasonable doubt, the most precious thing on Earth. Ryōta would die on that hill – everything from the soft purr of his name coming out of your plump lips to the plush of your body drives him crazy. How can he not be a mad man when you exist? A beautiful doll in the hold of his slender fingers, so obediently nodding at his every word, his favourite toy, undoubtedly.

He could shiver at the sight of the golden rope digging in your flesh, holding your legs spread for him, the sweet whimpering sounds coming out of your lips drawing a soft chuckle out of him.

“Doll, use your words. You know I love that pretty voice of yours.” He smiles with so much kindness, almost as if he’s not the one who’s tied you like that, a smile of pure pleasure plastered on his lips at the sight of his work of art.

“Touch me, Ryo!” you whine desperately.

It’s almost painful to sit there, splayed open, your leaking cunt on display for his golden eyes and begging for attention in a complete state of depravity. And you want to reach for him, pull him on top of you just for the solace of feeling his skin against yours – but you can’t. And you’re to blame, entirely.

It was on a random night with your boyfriend that you came to learn of something that you didn’t know about yourself. It started fairly innocent; when he had your hands tied in your back with his expensive tie – the silk soft against your skin at first till he tugged on it harder to bound you. You were immobilized, squirming under his grip while he had his way, sweet coos in your ear. “Ah, ah... be good and take it.” “Here you go, such an obedient slut...” And boy, you never came so hard in your life. It was then that it became evident that you liked to be tied up and when that knowledge came upon Ryōta’s mind, it wasn’t long till he learned how to bond you.

He’s always been a fast learner, anyway. It’s not much of a surprise that he knows how to tie you in the best quality rope, cutting the circulation where it should, splaying you wide open for his own enjoyment, restraining your moves so you squirm desperately under his ministration.

“Shit babe, look at you...” his voice is soft against your skin, a teasing finger tracing your quivering lips. “You’re really losing your mind here, aren’t you?”

He chuckles, fingers trailing down your throat, your clavicles, and finding the rope tied between your breasts – pushing them out, making them awfully sensitive. Your skin is on fire, even more when he reaches your hardened nipples. What a curious thing, he ponders, flicking over your swollen buds as if your body is an experiment and he is the scientist. He touches, teases and observes.

Ah, what a sweet sound you make when he pinches your nipple. It’s even cute, the way you squirm, but fail to move as you truly wish. It’s more like a failed attempt at pushing your chest into his malicious hands, than anything else.

Pathetic, that you are at every tug on your sensitive buds, the high-pitched expression of your desperation being the kind of entertainment he can’t get enough of.

And the minute his hand reaches lower, closer to your aching cunt, all you can do is beg.

“Ryō, please! Need to feel you...”

“Yeah? My pussy has been quite neglected, hasn’t it?” he coos, giving you a mere surface touch. But it is well enough for him to understand the extent of your need.

He’s surprised himself at the sight of his slick-covered digits – he’s barely touched you, and you’re already dripping. That fact itself makes him elated, coming to kiss you urgently. You’re surprised – it’s not like him to indulge in a kiss like that. But you aren’t one to complain, not when you can finally feel him. His soft tongue against yours, ecstasy peppered on your taste buds. You whine – you can’t touch him, but you want to. You want to run your fingers in his soft blond locks, pulling him closer so he can engulf you entirely. You can cry when he pulls away, the lost of contact making your soul ache. He’s right here, yet you miss him so much.

“Shit... look how easily I can slide in!” he laughs, happy at how you take his finger so suddenly.

He’s not one to give you a warning, anyways. You don’t know whether to cry from how good it feels to finally feel him in your cunt, or from that unsufferable need for more. More, more, more!

You feel insane, like a beast in heat. All you can do is twist and writhe, your hands tied in your back holding the sheets for dear life as he continues to push his fingers in and out of your sweet cave.

“You were made to take my fingers, aren’t you?”

You nod, unable to deny what is certainly a truth. The way your walls cling to his digits, inviting them in so warmly is a testament of his words.

“Such a good slut f’me...” He mutters, leaving a kiss on your thigh, right next to where the rope digs in your flesh. You buck your hips forward, a silent demand for his mouth on you.

His golden eyes glimmer between your legs, almost as if he’s read your mind. Maybe he did, what would you know? At this point, you don’t care much about things that made sense. That unquenchable thirst for Ryōta is in itself proof of your insanity. Can one be so much in need for a man? And he reads right through you. Something about the sight of you like that – that thin layer of sweat on your skin from all your squirming, the scent of your drench pussy so close to his face, the red tint in your skin contrasting with the gold of the rope. Your eyes are pleading, but you know he won’t indulge you unless you speak up. But it’s hard! Oh, so hard to utter any word in the state you’re in.

“Ask for it” you hear his voice from above you, the loss of his touch making you feel empty.

He’s so pretty, hovering your body like that; yet, so intimidating you can’t help to surrender. You are so defenceless, anyway. All of your thoughts busy with him – his fingers, his lips, his tongue. Oh, do you crave him, so bad.

“Can you eat me up, please?” you ask in a meek voice.

It’s cute, frankly. He softly laughs, a gentle hand cradling your face like he’s handling crystal. Your doe eyes scan his face in search of his intention, praying with all your soul that he’ll fold.

“Ah, pretty... you’re so good, aren’t you?” He sighs, settling back between your legs. He hums, the sweet perfume of your nectar sending him on a cloud. “All polite and cute. Look at this, how can I not feast on that pussy, hm?”

His words are punctuated to a teasing flick of his tongue on your swollen clitoris, the simple action making you shiver. You’re so sensitive that you could cry, and nothing could make the handsome blond happier. And when he finally gives your leaking folds a languid lick, you could pass out on the spot. The song of your moans vibrates in your bedroom while your boyfriend makes out with your cunt. His tongue moves graciously, dancing on the sensitive surface of your core – a sharp contrast with the not-so-gracious way you squirm at his actions. He chuckles, soothing voice resonating against your seeping hole.

“Shh... be good. You want me to continue, right? Can’t keep me away from that sweet pussy...”

He hums, your delectable nectar dripping on his tongue. He can do this all the day, frankly. Hell, if you weren’t restrained, you might have found yourself having to physically pull him away from his well-earned place between your thighs. But you can’t; all you can do is let out lewd sounds – proof of your pleasure.

“Taste so fucking good... shit.”

He sighs dramatically, the shadow of a groan hiding at the back of his throat. Eating you out like that, seeing you wide open for him, the sight of your gorgeous cunt... all of it making him painfully hard. He curses himself when he realises that he’s been unconsciously grinding against the bed sheets, not wanting to let you know that despite his seemingly calm, he is probably just as desperate as you. The need to fill your pussy with his hard cock intoxicates him, and he channels his frustrations with all the flicks and licks of his wet tongue against your heat.

You shudder, your orgasm pending. It builds in the depth of your stomach, muscles of your pelvis contracting while you cry for some release. It doesn’t help when he dips his tongue in your hole, walls clenching around the wet muscles like they were trying to keep it captive.

“Gonna come, hm? That’s a good whore, make a mess on my face.”

You barely get to process his crude paroles that you find yourself under the assault of your orgasm. You move, shake desperately, in a pathetic attempt to control your bonded body. Your moans become whines, and whines become cries when you finally snap.

“Ryōta!” you cry, unable to even recognise your own voice at the moment.

Your juices coating the rope that wraps in your inner thighs, and your tears of pleasure mixing with your sweat – fuck, how he wishes to eat you whole, let the salt on your skin linger on his tongue eternally. He holds your thighs, restraining you squirms as you navigate through your high, covering his face in your honey. He laps at all that you give him – a blessing really, if you ask him.

“You did so good, so good...” he whispers in your ear, peppering your neck with soft kisses.

He’s so delicate, so loving, and you just can’t understand why. And yet, he doesn’t question a thing.

Without any reasonable doubt, Ryōta Kise believes that you are the most precious thing to ever exist.

[superdonuthideout]

I'm done with my in denial and OA state. I cant possibly read another book without talking about this bad boy. Buckle up and let's get into it.

I'm really annoyed by how that bomb keep me from remembering my previous feelings for this book, I even forgot the fact that he's a total pain slut (I don't wanna use the word but that sounds good than a sadist and a masochist). I cannot let this happen so I've calmed down, now let's talk about the first thing, he is kidnapped. Period. That guy is a victim of sex trafficking and he's being trained by HER to become a sex slave. The book however didn't get into detail on how you could do that but you get the idea, torture and lots and lots of hand and blow 👩‍🔬, the request is for the slave to be virgin so yeah, you get it. There were no actual contact between flesh BUT that doesn't mean there's no other contacts. That's not the point though, istg if you're sucked deeply by the plot it's hardly noticeable. Let's focus on his thoughts and her method, this book very well written! Every word fits each other, they are so perfect together, it's like the author used a proper adjective to describe the noun without much restriction and restrain. It's just perfect✨ The way the scene and actions were described is just magnificent ! even the smut and I do not mean it in a way that is sensual or something but you just noticed the words, how the sentence is structured beautifully. It's. very. well. written. Now, let's move on to her method, it was very detailed. The first thing she used against him and that truly fucked his mind, the psychological damage is there. It's a total tutorial I would say, so y'all better not get into my bad side🤭 start tapping my shoulders lightly and shower me with good affirmations coz I'm a fucking sucker of compliments HAHAHAHAHHA. Charot. Anyways, if I were to kidnap someone, I know exactly what to do to fuck them in the head, the space, the silence, the darkness, the frequency. I'm just joking, don't take that seriously😭😭😭 but I might try it out in myself to see if it actually works and watch how damaged i'd be then how I would fix me coz I'm a fucking art myself👁👄👁 (this thought is very weird and alarming HAHAHAHHA) ANYWAYS, next topic is.....i think that's it, there's still a lot going on inside my head but I'm too lazy to type it out for others to read, just read the book. Through this experience, I think I know what to add on my novels to align it with my 'taste'if I plan to write something in the future. I hope I do coz I plan to marry writing. I've been considering it with serious thoughts and deep reflection (this is funny HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA)

I'm done bubbling with this half baked spoiler and conclusion, I wish I could write more but I'm too lazy, do read the book. It's not for the faint heart but I managed so you'd do well. You might even accept it without much thoughts and open mind. Just let me remind you that the girl will fuck him from behind with some toys shit. And I fucking hate that!!!! How i wish it didn't exist. It would have been perfect. It haunts me big time, she even described how she played with his hole 'til it's swollen and red. Fuck. Now my blood is boiling again😭😭😭😭😭

I tried to see this in bright light and it worked, if I continue to dwell on it I'm might consider adding it to my bucket list with anticipation and excitement, let's not get into that. I would love to keep myself sweet and innocent, so let's get into this fix mindset and stay with it, it's for the betterment of my future👁👄👁. See? I'm loving myself real bad.

Have a nice day ahead people.

PS. Don't get me wrong. I love this book so much.

[alonelymidwestdreamer]

fuckin peachy

———

i really thought i could do it

i dont know why

well, no

fuck that

i do know why

i thought i could get my shit together, finally, because people are supporting me

because im not keeping myself in a shitty relationship

because im forcing myself to sit with just myself and learn to be ok with that

because im trying to be a good person

because i was making fucking progress

i was taking steps

someone, maybe everyone, is gonna say that progress isnt linear

but have you ever been forced off road after just getting off a detour, just getting used to a nice straight highway

it doesnt still feel like progress

in fact, it feels like why not take another drink, why not feel good instead of crying over a cancellation

it feels like why not pick that pocket knife back up, why not take a hammer to your knuckles till theyre all purple

why not see if that one girl you ruined ur life for over and over finally has u unblocked

it doesnt feel like progress

it feels like derailment

im losing my fucking mind

ive been watching this show

its sadder than hell but i can’t stop watching it

it reminds me of that girl who i, yk, ruined my life over

she was a pisces

it reminds me of her because it reminds me of all the trauma she sat through with me

it reminds me of being homeless and of my parents fights and my fights with my parents and just

everything

it reminds me of things i buried pretty damn deep

this show triggers the fuck out of me

i cant sit with myself reliving this shit, but she sat through all that with me as it happened

she was the only constant in my life for so many years

but me wanting to get better was the breaking point

that was the line

we used to scream at each other

shed trigger me on purpose when i made her mad

how fucked up is that

but when i wanted to fix myself, when i wanted to create a life that could hold her and i both in it without all the fucking anger

that was that

she still has me blocked

i havent told almost anyone, although now youll all know, but i made a new account, just to try to talk to her

when someones in ur life for so long and so deeply it just feels wrong when they leave

or maybe thats just me

i hadnt talked to her in like two years?

i just wanted to know what her life looks like now

she did not believe that

and shes still mad at me

ig i never realized she ruined her life over me too

when i asked how she was she said “what are you drunk or something?”

i really thought i could do it, i thought i could be ok

i just wanna get drunk

all the time

i wish i was drunk when i messaged her

i wish she was right

i wished a little too hard ig cuz i did start drinking again

i keep pretending its not all i think about

its not that serious, cant be

if it was that serious someone would notice right?

being drunk doesnt even feel great anymore

but if im gonna fuck up by just existing, at least i get an excuse if im shitfaced

i tried so hard

i mean im still trying

but every day i get closer to doing it again and again and again

isnt that embarrassing?

i dont like it, i dont want to

i just also dont like me very much

and who would even care

no one noticed the first time until i told them, i think honestly everyone preferred me buzzed all the time until they knew thats what it was

no one knew i was overdosing in bledsoes room either tho

sitting behind keleah in college algebra trig

the room spinning so violently i thought i was dying

i guess i was dying technically

after, i sat in the rose garden with someone and tried to breathe

i walked my siblings home

i thought i was gonna die

no one even knew

i went home and threw up four or five times

i threw up so much i thought i was gonna suffocate cuz i couldnt catch a breath

my mom didnt even ask why i threw up

so at least its just drinking again

and its not as frequent anyways

fuck i really was doing so good

i swear i was