#anyways hopefully this is a coherent

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Oh boy there is so much here and I'd absolutely love a crack at explaining it. "What is weird about cats in Arknights?" a lot actually, and honestly, it's what is weird about every animal in Arknights.

So, yes, first of all, you have the "Feline" race, which broadly includes every cat person in the game, with the exception of lion people, who are categorized under Aslan instead. These aren't actually super important to our discussion immediately, so I'm going to gloss over them for right now. Point is, lots of people are cat people in this world, and this isn't given much pause.

That, at minimum, though, is a little weird. People on Terra don't seem to know that "cats" exist for the most part. There are a few people in particular that are important to our discussions here: first is Mousse, who has a bunch of friends she calls "kitties" but whom don't seem to be creatures known to the wide world; second is Haze, who has a major interest in "kitties", but these being BOTH the normal cat looking varieties AND Felines; and Phantom, who is a feline that is followed around by a two-tailed cat named Ms. Christine.

Ms. Christine gives us our first clue into all of this. Haze has a lot of respect for her, and Ms. Christine seems to just randomly appear in places following Phantom. What's more, the implication is that Ms. Christine won't show herself without her consent. If she doesn't want you to find her, you won't. While this might just seem like your average cat behavior, this is actually a common trait about the various Beast Lords in the game. Dolly, the Beast Lord for Sheep, can also make it so he is not visible to people if he so wishes, with one exception (Kal'tsit).

Ms. Christine hasn't talked at all, so we don't specifically need to know what her deal is. We do know that she is trying to keep Phantom away from the Crimson Troupe, the wandering assassination theater group who raised and groomed him from when he was a young orphan, and given that she can freely walk amongst the troop's castle in Calais, it's at least clear she's not ordinary.

What about Mousse's kitties? We don't know! They do seem to have some degree of deliberate intelligence to them, but they might simply be normal cats. The point here is that the others don't know what they are, so it's possible they could be Beast Lords too.

What IS interesting is that, according to Dolly, Beast Lords and their modern races originate from the same source. Beast Lords are _probably_ manifestations of animals that resulted after the first Catastrophes brought Originium to the surface worldwide, and from that point, the Beast Lords were born and the other animals began their evolutionary divergence (because remember: this is not a people becoming animals story, it's an animals becoming people story!).

There are also cloudbeasts, or at least at minimum, cloudbeasts are similar enough in shape to cat and dogs that the people of Terra don't find Mio or Woof to be particularly strange (Mio and Woof being Beast Lords themselves). Terra does seem to have its own unique versions of many animals we would know: fowlbeasts for birds, burdenbeasts for large herbivores etc. But on Terra, by and large (depending on what is happening with Mousse), it lacks the animals that we would expect in our world, as they either became Beast Lords or turned into animal people.

(For example, there is a Hound type enemy in the game, but they're actually some kind of fragment of a dog-like Beast Lord in Bolivar. This is only explained in the CN only lorebook because Hypergryph hates me in particular.)

This covers almost everything there is to say about cats in Arknights, with one exception: Kal'tsit. The like immortal green cat girl of the setting. Her conversation with Nezzsalem, the almost as immortal leader of the Nachzehrer, indicates that she seemingly was not always a cat girl, and we know that she is actually an artificial creation from the Precursor Civilization to Terra that brought both the original animals and Originium to the moon. So what is Kal'tsit, if she were not always a cat girl?

We don't know! My theory is that Mont3r, her companion, is in some way a "larval" form of Kal'tsit, given that it is sentient and that Kal'tsit seems to trust it to do the right thing when she passes. Curious!

Anyways yeah. Cats are weird in Arknights.

Arknights could pull off an event about a young witch searching for her lost cat in the alps. In fact it’d actually be super hype considering how weird cats are in lore

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I love your au by the way but while I was looking through I haven't seen any grunkle Stan yet

Does he live at the mystery shack too? Maybe Bill convinced Ford to try to repair their relationship?

Or and I hope I'm wrong about this

Stan is in the portal and that's why Ford did the cool little mine deal

------

Oh, don't worry! Stan's there alright. He's just a little busy being digested at the moment. Hunger is greedy, after all.

[dredgenbane]

been having major artblock lately, so i decided to redraw my old KIY thing and attempt to make it more coherent this time (lol)

[sicklyworm]

My head is too full of sickness induced brain fog to say anything smart rn so...

Some interesting quotes from the forth book extras (English translation pages 216-217):

"At the beginning, it was purely to vent, and he wrote whatever and however he wanted. Though the stories were unbearably shitty, and even struggled to get monetized, he did manage to get good reviews from a niche crowd."

"The more he wrote, the more of a shut-in he became, and the more of a shut-in he became, the more he wrote. As a classic worthless otaku, the people with whom he had the best relationships and got along with most were all on the internet, oceans and seas apart. He basically didn’t have any friends like Mobei-Jun, and it would likely be very hard to find any again in the future.

Wait.

Mobei-Jun? A friend?

Since when had he started seeing Mobei-Jun as a “friend”?!"

Points of interest:

He started canonically started out as a emotional outlit for his struggles in life but then capitalism came knocking on historic and his creative outlet turned into what I would consider worse then a nine to five.

As he has no work-life balance whatsoever in ether life.

His life style became objectively less healthy as he became a shut in inorder to write enough PIDW to pay for his living expenses. It seems on some level he very much dislikes being a shut-in considering his worthless otaku comment but, yk, gotta do what you gotta do.

He, canonically, had close online friends. Wich is not only really endearing and relatable to a lot of readers but also amazing fanfiction material.

Discord AU on my dashboard due yesterday. Please and thank you.

Also his panicking about even thinking about MBJ as a.... Friend. Is silly and goofy and I love him.

So, conclusion,

I'm very sleepy

and very ill

and I very much need to put SQH I a blender with a bunch of rocks.

[wren-of-the-woods]

I've been seeing a lot of posts lately talking about how no one comments/reblogs/replies/etc anymore, and, as someone who comments regularly on a lot of fanworks, it sometimes makes me wonder if my efforts are worth anything. Then I remember how much happiness I get from comments on my own work/posts and how much the community of fandom can matter, and I remember the power that can be found in spreading joy instead of disappointment.

So -- to everyone who comments on fanfiction: thank you. You make the writing process worthwhile and so very rewarding. You make people happy every day.

To all the people who reblog art and gifsets and meta and anything else with enthusiastic tags: thank you. You make people smile and promote interesting conversations and make being on Tumblr so much more fun.

To anyone who sends people asks about their works, whether it's unprompted or part of an ask game: thank you. You give people reasons to talk about things they love and feel like a part of a community.

To the people who makes reclists: thank you. You give us more to read while showing the author how much their work is loved and appreciated, benefitting so many people.

To everyone who organizes events and groups and blogs and dedicated to fandom: thank you. You build community and love and excitement so effectively and it's wonderful.

To all the authors and artists who respond to comments and build community: thank you. You make people smile with your work and then again with your response.

To everyone who contributes to fandom and community in all the other beautiful, varied ways that I can't even begin to list: thank you. You are why we're here.

And, finally, to every writer, visual artist, gifmaker, cosplayer, maker of edits, writer of meta, or creator of art in any other form: thank you. Your work is wonderful and you make fandom what it is, regardless of who sees your art or how much response you recieve.

Keep going, everyone. You are a part of something beautiful.

[pigeonclaw]

I forgot to say this while I was reading Thunder, but I really like the differences between the trials to join ShadowClan vs ThunderClan.

ShadowClan trials make no sense, they clearly exist only to make life harder for anyone trying to join, which is pretty obvious considering Berryheart is in charge of creating them. And hardly anyone bats an eye at these nonsense trials because they either also don't want strangers joining their Clan or they want new members to prove they're worthy of being here. ShadowClan cats seem to pride themselves on their independence more than other Clans. Anyone who signs up has to prove they can do crazy dangerous stunts without help. The level to which they have to perform is ridiculous because Berryheart is unfair but this is not seen as a bad thing. Prove you're tough enough to belong here. Prove that ShadowClan is the most impressive.

By contrast, ThunderClan trials are about community, and they're intended to teach rather than truly test. While ShadowClan trials are about weeding out the weaklings and ending up with only the most capable warriors, ThunderClan trials are about teaching new warriors to become capable in their new home. While we don't see Fernstripe's trials, Sunbeam's are all about undoing her ShadowClan ideal of independence and replacing it with ThunderClan teamwork. These trials mostly serve the Clan, too. Feed the elders, protect the camp. How well can you commit to teamwork, even while stuck with someone you don't get along with? This is about creating a strong new Clanmate more than it's about gatekeeping.

I like these trials because they highlight the differences between the two Clans better than most books have bothered to. The attitudes and culture between the two camps feels more distinct than ever.

[white-weasel]

Thinking about the au where Brit and Mallick become apprentices again and moreso thinking about Dr. Gordon watching all of it unfold.

He sees himself in Brit, professional hotshots, too busy with work to care about other people’s thoughts or feelings. Through their time in their traps they are pushed to realize that there is no weakness in emotion and that relationships built with others can push people to do what they need to, even in life or death situations. They made a connection within the game and that connection changed their entire life.

In Mallick he sees Adam, both men who seemed to be surrounded by people who said they cared, but never actually did. They wanted to escape from life and didn’t realize just how much they truly wanted to live until they were actually faced with death.

And sometimes when he looks at the two of them, Mallick saying something dumb and Brit rolling her eyes but not quite being able to hide the corner of her mouth twitching up, he can see it being him and Adam instead. In his mind, they’re living out the exact same “what if” scenario that Lawrence has been playing out in his mind for years — a scenario that could have been real if only he had kept his promise to Adam

[chasedeys]

HI ME ASKING ABOUT JJKOC. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THEM AFTER THAT RAMS GAME. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 STRAIGHT UP ANGSTTTTTTTT TALKKKKKKKK goddddddddd oh but like. disclaimer lmaooo i keep saying that for all my shit but for real i wasn't really present for that game 😭 i was away for my death i fear so like. i know bits and pieces of that game by which i mean i saw koc mad and jj fucking. devastated. and like. ashen faced. and like. that pr perfect face locker room interview. and answers im assuming lmao truly suchhhh a fascinating man the way he alwayssss has the perfect answer on hand!! was he built this way brick by brick coming into the league lol how has ja'marr differed so loudly from him in this aspect when they're so similar in so many other aspects ANYWAYS MORE UNDER THE CUT 😭 warning mentions of joemarr because of-fucking-course.....

but for real that rams game that i didn’t compute at all bc i was off tumblr and like. came back and was flabbergasted. holy shittttttt. justins face (beautiful. haunting.)…….koc spitting mad (hot. compelling.)……….oh my god…………....

but like. okay. so im like. not that good at angst tbh LMAOOO im more of a crack and joke kind of shitpost feel-good writer i fear but i will delve deeper into Comfort Dynamics!!

the thing is to meeee the way i seee itttttt ->

koc is soooo soft. he's such a?? good coach???? a players-coach is the word people use i think? you can see how much he cares so fucking deeply for his players not just like. as an athlete he has to move around as chess pieces on a board or players on a field but like. as a person. wait sorry i gotta mention this lol i've sent you this when we were like. comparing the vikes and lions game as like a basically who loves their coach more game LMAOOOO (also can i just say. it's objectively fucking hilarious. that dan campbell said. see you next week. to koc. and um. um. um. BUT ANYWAYS.) but do you know depaola has like a mug of my coach is hotter than your coach aksaskfl THAT'S SO???? (justin and harri also have a hawk statue?? with patched up holes these men are so. just. god why are they like this akfaklsf) BUT LIKE you can seeeeee you know that he loves them and they love him and they're comfortable with him!! that's speciallllll arhrgrhrghh soooo happy he's extending lmao BUT TO THE JJKOC OF IT ALL SORRY got distracted by ko's insane charisma lmao

koc's soooo soft, he has sooo much fun teasing his players and them teasing him back, and justin is no exception!!! seeking him out and throwing at him and needling at him and justin doing his nasal ass laugh delightedly whenever ko gets within even 30 yards of his vision and needling him right backkkk they have so much funnn teasing each other its so!!!! cute to me!!!!!!!

like. that's comfort!! that's a nice ass basis to have for a relationship!!!! something to look forward to when you know you're getting to a shitty ass situation and you know you're in the last quarter it's the last 3 minutes and your quarterback (sam....im also so sad about sam btw.....that clip of sam hoisted to the air and ko looking fondly at his team and then. flash forward to their last game. wow.) just threw another fucking pick (i have no idea how the game went btw lmao just that it was um. shit. and sam was um. shit.) because he's throwing to the ghosts of his teammates past apparently who the fuck knows and this is the nth time of your fucking life that you're falling short in the post-season and you're looking to your left and it's your coach and his face is rigid and he's staring at you evenly but he can't keep looking at you he has to be at 5 places at once and you close your eyes and all you can see is darkness but you're the face of the franchise the star of the game there's nothing dark about you not since 20 fucking 19 the stadium lights pulsing into the back of your eyelids as the crowd roars disjointedly pounds your eardrums making you sway and stutter and feel like you're disappearing and reappearing in and out of reality but if you just dig deep you can imagine him—him—pressing his cold fingers into your bicep during winter practice making you yelp in affront and imagine looking up and seeing him laughing at you crinkly eyed and rosy cheeked and so fucking handsome it makes your heart clench up and you hope he doesn't see the way it's leaping forward right at him and he's saying to do your stretches i get you're 20-something but come on now and with that you're shrinking back to reality but you keep that minute paradox of cold-warmth loud-quiet crowded-alone memory to center yourself so you won't break down into tears to be caught in front of all those 4k cameras waiting to capture their next 30 second viral clip to burn over and over and over until you're nothing but just a typed out what a waste of talent there in the vikings get justin jefferson out of there in every single social media account you aren't even really a part of but can't get out of because you have a record breaking contract saying you have to have them. you look to the left and he's gone but the memory of him is etched in you so deep it's enough. you sit on your bench and wait for another chance to fight and it might not be enough but knowing that he's there is enough for you for anything. your hands are so fucking cold but at least that minute warmth isn't just a minute, not really. wow. not rereading all that <3 hope there isn't a typo or grammar error and it makes sense <3 and like not disgustingly corny wow should i reread it.. no ok wow no. BUT ANYWAYS.

justin simultaneously looks like he wants to break down into tears and like he wants to pick a fucking fight. something like ja’marr lmao augh love me a good justin ja’marr parallels why is that i think like. they’re both so good at picking fights and shit at letting people be kind to them. (well no. i think like. justin's better at knowing who he can pick fights with and who he can't. and keeping people away via spinning words and poof they're gone with literally zero trouble. while ja'marr's better at ignoring people because he cares very little for those who aren't really up to his standards whatever the fuck that is. but well that leads to not so good things. but yeah very good at picking fights when they really want to lmao.) and so confused at people wanting to be soft with them. at people choosing to not be like high strung competitive and sharp the way they usually are with each other (which they love and appreciate about each other, btw)!! (see: tee with ja’marr! joe pursuing ja’marr with like. a way that he isn’t used to. a devotion he isn’t used to being on the receiving end. MOREEE ABT THIS IN THE ENDDD which is so very typical sorry).

like justin is not used to. like wait okay so. you see ko poking fun at him!! teasing smiles pokey and jokes and jabs and sharp at times knows when to make it pointy but knows boundaries and that’s the kind of thing he’s used to! that’s the bro ish friendship he’s used to in lsu etc etc competition with ja’marr being a receiver under joe etc etc butttt. kos also so good at like. soothing him. he’s good at picking him apart. being soft with him. when justins needling at him trying to get a rise kos being indulging and when justins purposefully trying to get him angry at him he’s intuitive and gets justin to settle down and breathe. gets him to unclench his jaw lower his spikes soften his brow unsharpen his tiger claws he still wields even if he isn’t a tiger in name anymore and the first time ko ever does this justin runs away spooked new coach what the hell is he doing. i think justin didn't have the best experience with his previous coaches too? not sure abt this lmao but like. koc is definitely a wholeeee ass upgrade im sure. and that’s so. he’s intrigued. he’s charmed. kos always offering him a handsome smile. a warm hand on his shoulder on his bicep on his hip. a little how many times do i have to tell you to stretch i get you’re young but come on now. a little hey made some cinnamon rolls yesterday you want some? c’mon now you’re fit you don’t need any diet grab three i got you. here you look cold wear my jacket keep it it looks good on you. clicking his tongue applying antiseptic on his turf burn and pressing bandages over it even when justin laughs over his mothering tendencies. that overly long ass explanation of his mic'ed up moment too btw that shit was so. why the hellllllllllll did he go on such a long tangent just saying shit about his 'world class relationship' with justin just to say he was mic'ed up while pretty princess justin jefferson laid there all pretty and proper trying to stretch oh my god. ko you are so....and justin you are so......

but anyways. post game. silent. bus ride. plane. vikings stadium? im assuming? restless. justin fucking struggling but he's always been picture perfect. he's already said his peace with sam, who's clearly haunted (i truly do not know what to say about sam 😭. like....girl.......also question is like jj mccarthy playing next year lol. will sam like. return...he's also in the probowl right. which. wow.) and koc finally has a chance to lock in justin jefferson who has been avoiding him for some reason. clearlyyyy this man knows that ko is the person who would. understand him most. who would. pick apart his bullshit pr perfect exterior. then pick apart his next layer of spikes and snarls and a whole other set of perfect words to be said to instigate a fight. always knowing exactly what to fucking say. justin jefferson. is his major communications lmao what the hell made him to be this way i am sooooo. and so koc has his hands all up around the sides of his neck even when jj is snarling at him to shut the fuck up who the fuck does he think he is acting like justin is some kind of child to tend over he's an adult he doesn't need to be coddled over a loss this isn't some high school rusted consolation trophy—and koc has his head ducked down to press over justin's forehead, shushing him, telling him he's so fucking proud of him this season, telling him he's one of a fucking kind, that he's never been so amazed at a player before, that he's never had the pleasure of coaching someone so talented before, that he wished he played with someone like justin—with justin, that he was justin's quarterback, if he was even worthy of him, that he'd do just about anything to get justin a fucking ring, and justin's breaking into tears at the press of skin, at the spill of words, at the sincerest of voice, at the way this man believes in him like no other before, at the way that even with the loss he knows that it never really is one because he has it with him, with koc, so whatever the outcome is—it's okay. god that's corny as shit im so sorry but anyways they kiss. salty as hell because justin's crying all those pent up tears. and ko's kissing up his wet cheeks over his lids pressing down on his cheekbones telling him he's so pretty even when he cries but hey isn't his head hurting why doesn't he let up and show him his pretty smile instead so ko can also get to some healing of his own and justin starts beating at his stomach smiling through his tears complaining thats so fucking cheesy oh my god did he just imply justins smile heals him shut the fuck uppppp. they don't fuck? maybe they fuck who knows. they're exhausted thoughhhhh so maybe they fuck like. the day after 😭

ALSO. IT'S SO. all of justins faces of like. him staring besotted heart eyes at koc is so. wait no i'll talk abt this in the other ask lmao BUT LIKE this is truly insane to me....the hell is wrong with him.......girl the fuck.........and i think like. koc has this man looking at him like this and has him. pupils dilating like crazy....

(a little joemarr off tangent lol boy jjmarr parallels sorry they’re like. twin flames. to me. joes like this to ja’marr too but not exactly? joe isn’t soft per see. he’s so fucking pushy he’s an entitled brat to ja’marr's space at times and that’s the thing that draws ja’marr to him because ja’marr has never once had someone be that into him. be that interested in him as a person not just as an athlete or as a warm body. joe wants all of him and that makes him cave. joes isn’t naturally soft but he’s learning how to be because its ja’marr—it makes him want to be and that fucks ja’marr upppp looking at this man being this way about himmmm is it really a wonder that ja’marrs a bit well a lot lmao crazy about him right back. aauguhgu corny asssss but whatever we move on i have to. go 😭)

also. if i had even a reach of understanding of the vikings rosters personality the way i do the bengals. how is that like oh my god i fucking adore the bengals i could write fucking pages of their stupidity and like. characters and personality??? like i get them?? sort of. obviously surface stuff what they show and what not but like. i can't do it about the other team rosters???? pisses me off. why is that. i watch their shit too. sort of lmao. i think bengals are just. truly my beloved 😭

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

i see a lot of opinions around, about death, and why she didn't intervene in dream's imprisonment

and i think a lot of people have trouble reconciling the idea that she does care about him, with the fact that she didn't do anything?

so then you get the theories that she couldn't have saved him (as if burgess was ever a match for the endless, he only got dream because dream was still recovering from burning out 99% of his power in overture), or that she was stuck by the rules of the endless not interfering with each other (that's a whole other convoluted discussion topic)

but i feel like these theories all kinda. misread, who death is. or rather, they sort of assume she's a human being with the same mentality as a human, and not the literal personification of death

of course she cares about her brother. and of course she technically had the power to intervene. but think about her existence. think about the way in which she knows everyone, the life she's lived for billions of years, and the life she knows she'll live until she's the last consciousness left in the universe

she's an inherently passive entity, she has to be. because her entire purpose is to stand there for the end of every life in existence, often horrific and violent and unfair ones, and to tell them that's just the way of things. to ensure that that fate does indeed come to pass. she knows how everyone is going to die and she just has to keep talking to them like she doesn't

when she was younger, it was different. granted, she refused to help dream then too, because (at least according to dream) all the endless were incredibly prideful when they were young, and wouldn't even have tried to help each other. but also, we have her word that at one point her job got overwhelming. the fact that she had to stand by and watch so much tragedy, to ensure it happened, really got to her. and for a while, she stopped. one of the few times if not the only time she has ever made a strong decision in the face of fate - she stopped collecting souls. and that turned out much worse. in order to exist as herself, she had to find a way to not only be okay with who she is, but find meaning in it. the person who would get involved, who would stand up against unfairness, that person cannot be death of the endless

and think about death as a concept, for a sec, not just as a person. death is patient. death will come for everyone in time, but time is meaningless to it. i like this panel, from endless nights, for connecting that with death the person, because she is always there and always waiting (in this story she waits here for anywhere between 10 and 200 years, depending on how you look at it. and she explains in this story that time doesn't really work the same to her as it does to everyone else. time is her father, after all. she can wait. she will always wait.)

even when she takes human form, like we see in high cost of living, she is the epitome of go with the flow. she just follows where the universe takes her, doesn't try to change anything, just lets her curiosity and love for humanity put her in whatever situation fate decided she should be. and fate (whether that's her brother, the fates, or something else entirely) does play some role in it, because her human form was created with $10.02 in her pocket, which is the exact amount of money she ended up needing to spend that day. and she trusts that she won't need more than that, no matter how many questions are thrown at her about it

which is not an inherently bad thing! because living in the moment means she is so much more alive than her siblings, it gives her the ability to offer so much more empathy towards the mortals she has to spend most of her time with, it makes her in many ways a wonderful person. she's just, not a person of action

death doesn't show she cares by stopping the bad things from happening to you. she shows she cares by being there for you after. by having the patience, despite her busy job, to sit and chat with every single person who's ever lived, and to comfort them in the best way she knows how

which is exactly what she did

[chickenstrangers]

Not Me: It's About Earrings

Earrings in Not Me represent identity and transformation. The scene where Black takes back his earrings is one of my favorite scenes of the show (ignoring the continuity editing errors where Black puts in one earring like 4 times). I made this set a while ago but I still have thoughts about Not Me that I want to write down.

The earrings are a marker of identity, and a way to recognize that identity, not only with White's earrings (or Black's, as the case may be) but Sean's as well.

White's transformation process highlights the earrings. He physically alters his body in multiple ways in order to become like Black. The most permanent alteration is of course the tattoo, but the earrings are also important, especially in their lack of permanency. We see the piercing, the grimace on White's face, the discomfort of having to take on this new identity.

When White is living a double life, going between the gang and dinner with his father, we see him taking out the earrings himself, shedding Black's identity. This time it is voluntary, White can separate these two sides of himself, because he has not fully become someone else yet. It is still an act.

But the earrings are not just about White and Black, they also play an important role in Sean and White's relationship. When Sean tells White about his dad, White reaches out to him, to comfort him, and starts gently playing with Sean's earring. This is the first time, really, that White is seeing Sean, the culmination of the flag scene. Seeing who Sean is, the soft vulnerable core of him that he tries to protect with brashness and animosity. Then there is the tent scene. And at this point it doesn't matter who White is pretending to be, and Sean has started to suspect something has changed. What matters is who White really is.

And right as White has begun to settle into this new identity, one that is not just a copy of the one he stole from Black, when he's realizing how he has himself been transformed by these experiences, Black wakes up and takes everything back.

The tattoo is permanent, it will stay on White's skin forever unless he gets it removed, but then it might still scar or leave something behind. It shows the lengths he went to to become his twin. But while White was pretending, he himself changed significantly, his worldview, his goals, his community. While the tattoos and earrings and contacts are a disguise, they are also a part of the person he has become. The tattoo is something that Black cannot take from White, it is etched in his skin. But he can take the earrings.

White looks so incredibly forlorn during the conversation with Black. Especially once Black takes out the earrings, he seems naked without them. He looks so young, like a kid playing dress up but now the costume is off.

Black's movements are detached, uncaring, calm, but it feels as if he's ripping out the earrings, taking back his identity by force. And of course White does not stop him. Cannot stop him. That was not his identity to start with. He was borrowing it, and so the return was inevitable. Black takes out the earrings and immediately puts them in his own ears.

But the meaning of the earrings has changed. Unlike the tattoo, which is a copy, a recreation, the earrings are material, they are Black's earrings. But they're not just Black's anymore. White is different than he was before, and now, bereft of the earrings, he must grapple with who he is now.

Thanks to @ranchthoughts and our regular discussions on this subject.

[doodlingbot]

Something about turning off certain visual modes for better range/focus.

[nin-deer]

Ch 143

i mean i think we all knew deep down the kiss was gonna happen based on the flow of the story but i think this chap reveals a lot about gorou and sarina

(uh warning this got a little out of hand so its pretty long lmao)

so.

i dont think anyone's completely in the wrong, but i definitely don't think they're in the right either. (not that i condone incest; its just that their motivations led them to this specific point. would the story have been fine without it? hell yeah. please i actually prefer it that way. but this is the direction the author decided to take it, so we have to take it as it is as a point of learning more about the character's motivations)

Let's first analyze sarina and gorou's relationship pre-reincarnation. I think I covered this in my last post where I rambled about onk, but gorou is doing a doctor thing where he "accepts" sarina's proposal just to make her happy. We learn in this new chapter that he basically catered to her every request, and that's what started that infatuation. we know from previous chapters that her bio family's shitty, so the only place she would get this love is from gorou. we also learn in this chapter that it's not actually a romantic love but a fanatic love, for lack of better terms. she sees him as her idol. does sarina even know what it feels to be romantically in love with someone? she spent her whole first life in a hospital, isolated from others her age. she spent her second life very curated and protected because of her mom and her future career; she couldn't really live a normal life. (we'll get back to this point later) all she knows about love is through her idols, so she's channeling it into (what she thinks is) romantic love for gorou.

gorou, on the other side of this, is an actual adult who had an actual life before all this, so he knows what a normal life is like. assuming sarina is one of his first patients, its obvious to see that he got attached, which is a very risky situation for scenarios like this. we see this attachment made her death worse, as he threw himself into following Ai to cope for her death. not gonna go too in depth about this here because, again, i made another post for this that i'll probably link at the end bc im referencing it more than i thought... continuing! he knows sarina doesnt have long left so he wants to do what he can for her, thus creating that "idol" persona sarina has for him.

we see in his regret in this new chap that he actually knows what he's doing and is aware of the consequences of his actions. ruby doesn't. she doesn't regret anything. as someone who reads a lot of isekai/reincarnation stories, its easy to joke that ruby and aqua are their old age + their new age, but that isn't necessarily true for ruby. sure, aqua is old and this could apply to him. but ruby? she didn't make it past 18 before she died. she's like,,, 13 times 2. double 13. she never fully developed in her first life, and she's developing in this current life. it's like a continue from where she left off. aqua actually was an adult, so he has all the knowledge and wisdom of an adult. why does this matter? shift your attention back to the concept of love for a bit. aqua knows what she's doing is bad and is trying to stop her, but the knowledge that she's sarina is making him automatically succumb to her wishes. a part of his brain, because of the trauma, still sees ruby as the sickly sarina he was caring for.

ruby is naïve. she doesnt know what love is. all the love she's ever been exposed to is whatever she saw online: idols. i dont even think she fully knows what the concept of family is. aqua is her brother? nope. aqua is the doctor she proposed to and now she has a chance to follow through like all the shows she's seen. she's closer than ever to him, so why give up the chance? even as ruby, she wasn't exposed to a lot of normalcy because of idol culture. she isn't able to learn about the difference between platonic love and fanatic love. we even see this with ai, who she sees more as an idol than her mom. the joy is in her idol being her mom, someone who's supposed to care for her. it's like shes living a fantasy made just for her. because aqua was so obsessed w revenge, he didn't have the chance to teach her anything, and it's not like he needed to learn bc he already knows. ruby doesn't.

aqua, as the one who understands these nuances, should have sat her down and explained things, but he didn't because of the trauma of sarina. ruby is ignorant and is treating things like a tv drama, now that her dreams as sarina can finally become true. aqua doesn't realize how serious ruby is about this because in his mind this is just a child playing house. ruby is like,,,, imagine you die and you wake up actually being sold to one direction. or whatever happens to you in your fav self-insert scenario/fanfic. idk a better analogy lmao but its like finally being able to play out your fantasies irl. she doesn't realize the real world impacts of her actions because, frankly, she doesn't care. she gets to live out her life as she wants. aqua was shocked after the first kiss with ruby because he realized then she was being serious, but he didn't speak out about it because, again, the trauma™. (we see him again uncomfy with the whole situation in the next page, but his lack of objection could be bc it's a scene in the documentary and he finds it more important to get revenge rn) ruby kissed him then because she purposefully created the mood like that so it would fit in the story she was writing in her mind.

so what does this mean? because of their shared pasts, aqua and ruby are put in this situation where ruby can do what she wants and aqua goes along with it. even if he knows its morally wrong, he can't bring himself to break ruby's immersion in all of this. BUT. big but. aqua shouldn't act like this. they're both capable of living out their lives as normal (barring the revenge and the whole idol stuff). he doesn't need to act like this anymore; ruby's not terminally ill. he's not a doctor. what he should have done was firmly deny her stuff he knows is wrong because then he can educate her about the reason why. as much as their personalities are inspired by their past lives, sarina and gorou are dead. they need to move on and live a aqua and ruby. (Harsh, I know, but because of this scenes like *gestures vaguely to the newest two chapters* happens. if aqua stood his ground and taught ruby about familial love and that what she's feeling is probably not romantic, i think this could have been avoided. but alas, we need it for the ~drama~)

-

sorry that went on way longer than i thought lmao. i think i covered everything i wanted to say but im too lazy to read back so fingers crossed

if you made it this far and are curious about the other post i mentioned in the beginning, its here. i just think its some context to my thought process but not necessary to understand this post

[waitineedaname]

I don't know how to make this thought coherent, so bear with me people, but. I think ritsu calling shou "suzuki" instead of "suzuki-kun" says a lot about their relationship. ritsu is extremely consistent and polite with his use of honorifics, even with people he doesn't like that much (reigen is always reigen-san, for example)

but shou is always "suzuki," he never gets his proper honorific. this might be a stretch, but I think it fits into what I've thought about their relationship in the past, which is that shou gives ritsu the opportunity to drop the perfect kid act. him using everyone's polite honorifics might be good etiquette, but it also might be him creating distance between himself and others while wearing a polite mask. with shou, he doesn't need to bother with that. they met by beating the hell out of each other for fuck's sake, etiquette is out the window here

but while him dropping honorifics might be rude in other cases (the "NO HONORIFIC??" bit with hoshino in that one omake comes to mind) I don't think it is here. I'd forgotten until doing this reread, but ritsu refers to shou as his friend really easily. like, they've known each other for maybe a full day, and they were enemies before that, but when looking up at the cultural tower, he tells mob "my friend is up there!"

so I think him just calling him suzuki is actually a sign of him being close with shou. no bullshit, no using honorifics to maintain a polite image or to intimidate or to impress. he's just being direct with him, because shou isn't someone he has to put up a front around

[dragonwysper]

So since I did my last essay for my media class on Mouthwashing, and my research introduced me to some really interesting canon lore that I've not seen get considered by like. Anyone yet. I'd like to talk about it.

Spoilers below for How Fish Is Made, its DLC The Last One and Then Another, and Mouthwashing.

So Mouthwashing is Wrong Organ's second ever game, with their first being a surreal little horror game called How Fish Is Made. Jacob Geller did a great video essay where he talked about it, which is actually how I was introduced to it a couple years ago. It's free to play on Steam as well, so I recommend just playing through it and coming to your own conclusions. It's not as long or as complex as Mouthwashing, and is well worth it. If you'd rather not, then the video essay works just fine (though I suggest watching it anyway. Jacob Geller makes great video essays).

This DLC was released as a teaser for Mouthwashing, and as such, it features some relevant details. You see post-crash Curly three times as you play through, and he speaks to you each time you meet. The details are always vague, but you can infer what he means with Mouthwashing's context.

But I'm not here to talk about How Fish Is Made. I'm here to talk about the 2023 DLC for it, titled The Last One and Then Another. Here's a no-commentary playthrough for those who don't want to play it (though it is also free on Steam).

The first 'conversation' you have (3:55 in the linked playthrough) is about his job as a pilot of long-haul shipping vessels.

It's easy to get on this boat when you have to. You say to yourself, this is just temporary. Just until I get what I need. Got bigger things planned! Then suddenly you're one year in, five years. Ten. First I couldn't stand the constant, constant noise. Now I can't sleep without it. A lot of things can't follow you out here. But it also means the outside world moves on without you. Won't even notice until it's too late.

...Easy to get on, hard to leave.

He talks upon this during his conversation with Jimmy in Mouthwashing, after Jimmy's psych eval, though this shows a different perspective of his feeling trapped in a dead end job. The line about nothing being able to follow you out there [in space] also makes for some interesting foreshadowing surrounding Jimmy's actions. Remember that the reason he crashed the Tulpar was because Anya's pregnancy revealed that he would not be able to hide or dismiss or cover up what he did once they landed. It would be a big, glaring, visible symbol of his assault. And so to get rid of it, he elected first to kill her, and then when that proved impossible, to kill everyone. It's easier to get away with it out in space, where nothing and nobody can follow you.

The second conversation (8:39) features a joke, except it's really about optimism and trying to make light of a sudden new disability.

Do you want to hear a joke?

Three men are in the hospital. The first man cries, "I lost both my hands. They told me I'll never work again!"

The second man wails, "I lost both my legs. They told me I'll never work again!"

The third man? He rejoices, "I lost my hearing, they'll never be able to tell me I'm fired again!"

Hahaha! Good one, huh?

This has to be right after the crash, right when he first realizes the extent of his injuries. He's likely still in shock, and is focusing on trying to cope with his new disability.

The third and final conversation (13:26) delves deeper into his feelings after the crash.

Next comes spite. First it stares back at you in the mirror. Then it's those around you. They're wearing your face, and you theirs.

...You know. He joined because of me. What were the words I used? Ah, right.

"It's a great opportunity. Easy money, just a trip or two."

Someone else's words in my mouth. Hey, worked on me as well, right? Change hurts, but worse things fester for a long time. I told him as much.

I tried, I really did. We're defined by our past, but we're not slaves to it. We said tomorrow will be different. Today would be the last day. The last one. The last one and then another. And another, and another, and another...

This is after the shock has worn off, and he becomes aware of the truth. He sees Jimmy for what he did, and who he is, at least to some extent. He expresses some amount of remorse, though it's veiled behind "I tried." He tried through the wrong avenue. He focused on trying to help Jimmy, instead of helping Anya. I think this line, as well as the reminiscing over how Jimmy joined because of him, shows a feeling of failure on his part. Though this failure is partially for inviting him on board while being unaware of what he'd do, as well as for then not being good enough to help Jimmy.

He surprisingly doesn't hint towards Anya. Even still, after all he's gone through, he still doesn't take her trauma quite as seriously.

After this you get a trailer of Mouthwashing, complete with a scene of Jimmy giving Curly painkillers. Jimmy speaks to him.

Hurts going down, huh? You know what they say...

Pain is how we know we're still living.

This is an interesting line. Lots of potential implications here, lots of ways to interpret it. But I see it as an extension of his malice for Curly. Jimmy thinks Curly deserves to suffer, for surviving. For knowing. It's a backhanded remark, not meant to be optimistic, but rather saying, "this is what you get for living. Suck it up and be grateful you at least have that."

So with the DLC, we get a missing piece to Mouthwashing: Curly's perspective, after the crash. He's silent for most of it, outside of Judgement-type stuff. But this completes his perspective, reveals his slow realization, and demonstrates his character growth. Which is frustratingly minor. I'd hoped he would be more aware. As much as I despise Curly for enabling Jimmy's abuse, I'd hoped he'd at least become aware of it in the face of his own pain.

What the DLC also does though, is recontextualize Mouthwashing to fit Curly's perspective. We get a lot of Jimmy, especially post-crash. Here we see a bit of how Curly perceives it all. It's an interesting point of view, and adds to Mouthwashing's themes.

This was a long post and I apologize. I also have no idea if anyone will like. Read this. But I wanted to talk about it.

[tinytimism]

i’m having such a hard time wrapping my mind around liam payne’s death. i didn’t like him as a person and i don’t think anyone whose discussed his abuse of maya henry should retract their statements or feel bad about them no matter how harsh they were because it’s important to talk about to prevent it from happening again. because of his history of abuse and grooming fans i can’t mourn him the way i would’ve ten years ago and any tears i do shed will be for his friends family maya henry and his other victims who shouldn’t feel bad and be made to feel bad by stans who put their faves over the protection and safety of women and girls. i don’t feel like it’s the place of people who didn’t know him personally (knew him through one direction etc) to tell other who didn’t know him because emotions have no morality and people’s feelings over a death shouldn’t be dictated underneath a urfaveisproblematic lens

[dinosaursmate]

There has been zero fangirls talk I know nothing pls share

it’s a new musical from Australia that is currently playing in London which is about girl who is a fan of a boyband… whose lead singer is called Harry… they are British and all auditioned for a tv talent show and were put together as a boyband…

anyway so she is 14 and writes self insert fanfiction. She co-writes a fic with a male fan from America called @ saltypringl (the best character in the show) about Harry and the fan going on the run so he can escape his evil management who are working him to death (fan girl says she can see depression in his eyes) (also Salty throws in a mention that management are concealing “multiple queer relationships in the band”)

fan girl kidnaps Harry irl and tries to convince him to go on the run with her but he’s like wtf is wrong with you, you’re disgusting

so she and her friends decide to drug him and throw him in the woods to be found and she will magically not go to jail

he then goes back on tour but halfway through his show realises she was right and leaves the band.

there’s a lot more to the story than this and it is quite mostly played slapstick (as I’m sure you’d hope, reading that synopsis) but it lowkey offended me. The writer was inspired by the reaction when Zayn left 1D and wanted to write something that portrays how strong and valid teenage girls and their feelings are

but imho she fell short of that and the belittling and patronising she did to fandom and fic writers through it undid all the good she might’ve done.

It was written from yes, a sympathetic, but ultimately an outside perspective and offended me as a lifelong fic writer and boyband fan.

I will defend fan fiction strongly and anything that reinforces the idea that all fic is teenagers writing self insert is damaging to our community