#anyways I’m not a huge fan of of the ending and I think the part about his review should go on a longer but I don’t feel like changing it

[vamprel]

Diwali with the Touchstarved LIs !!!

Quick little note, this is my first time doing anything like this so I’m sorry if it’s wonky and a bit out of character :’) also I’ll add the translations for some things at the end !!

—————

- For the puja, I think Kuras would be in charge of making the diyas

- Someone would have to make the sweets so uh I feel like Mhin could be a decent cook, Ais would cook out of nescessity, and Leander could cook well as long as someone makes sure he doesnt start experimenting and make whatever that gooey green drink was....

- Leander would buy the laddoos, and would assist Mhin in making the kheer

- Vere would be in charge of the rangoli, and obviously it’s going to look spooktacular (monster high reference, I can’t stop saying it.)

- During the puja, the MC/reader would be in charge of it because uh idk maybe they happen to be Indian so…!!! (Are there other Indian Touchstarved fans please where are you guys 💔)I feel like Vere would kind of be away from it because of the bell and I feel like he would have sensitive hearing because well, fox ears guy!!

- Mhin and Ais would DEVOUR all of the sweets after the puja

- For the first prayer song moment I feel like it would go well, then the second one Vere may try to annoy someone idk Mhin maybe and then everything spirals…

- it’s okay eventually everything calms down and we get to do fireworks !!

- Ais and Leander would go crazy with the fire bang or snaps or whatever those are called I don’t know 😞 they’d get into a competition on who can throw down the whole bag and get all of them to explode at once

- Mhin would look at the sparkler in their hand like Howl Pendragon looking at the star

- Vere would try to light everyone but Ais on fire. You’re next. Run.

- Okay time for fireworks show time !!

- Vere loves looking at the fountain of colors exploding in the sky, but would hate how loud it sounds

- Kuras and Ais likes all of the fireworks, he isn’t bothered by the noise or blinding colors, he admires them all.

- Leander seems like the guy to love fireworks, and the type of guy to start saying some huge festival speech that the others tune out

- I don’t think Mhin would like fireworks at all because of how flashy and loud it is, so they’d be inside consuming the rest of the kheer or chugging some falooda

- Or Leander dragged them out because festival time!! We must be together!! Friendship!!!! So now they’re by Kuras covering their ears and glaring at Leander

- Eventually everyone calmed down and finally looked at the fireworks

- Happy ending.

——-

Hey y’all sorry for the abrupt stop, I’m exhausted. I have so many art ideas and fic ideas all while being a student and it’s exhausting, so this is bad I know. Anyway the translations

Puja- it’s basically worshipping or prayer time.

Diyas- 🪔 THERES AN EMOJI FOR IT anyway it looks like that! The way my family does it is we have the little clay cup part and a piece of cotton, twist it, put it in the cup with some ghee(a specific type of butter) and boom you got a diya

Laddu/laddoo- for this you have to search up… it’s this orange colored and spherical shaped sweet, but i don’t know what it’s made of

Kheer- Indian rice pudding 10/10

falooda- kind of a milkshake, with basil seeds and sev (noodle things) inside, and it’s scrumptious there’s multiple flavors the the rose flavor is the best and iconic one 10/10

Also if you’re also Indian like me and I misspelled anything or missed things, please don’t yell at me or anything, I don’t know many words especially when it comes to spelling things since I can’t speak any Indian language, I can only understand some languages, (Gujarati and Hindi) additionally, I only did what my family and I do for Diwali since we are not in India.

[haedgaf]

when i tell you i was genuinely crying at MULTIPLE parts… this was genuinely the saddest fic i’ve read on this app 😭

this was like the perfect amount of angst for me. again i LOVE slice of life and angst just goes so well with the trope. and now i can finally also admit that coming of age is another fave trope of mine.. i have something for angst. and call me weird but i also enjoy character death, because i love how everything just gets very angsty from there and we watch the reader or renjun in this case be affected by the death in extreme ways..

fhis is probably the fic character i’ve felt the most sympathy for. renjun was basically going through shit since he was a baby. WHICH ALSO MAKES THIW FIC AMAZING BECAUSE he and the reader are basically opposites in a sense in which she always had it better than he did? idk. but it broke my heart with how he would be clearly envious of her life style because she still had a family unlike him. that dinner scene broke my heart…

renjun’s way of coping with everything being anger is so :((( and especially after his mother’s death i just felt even more bad for him, he just never wins at all. he lost everyone slowly but still has to believe everything will be alright? like i would doubt shit too. when he freaked out on the reader because his mother’s stuff was gone which was of the only reminders of her i wanted to hug him so bad 😭😭 going through so much at such a young age is genuinely fucked up and i’m glad he didn’t hold any grudges against his mother anymore

THE SCENES RHAT MADE ME CRY WERE BASICALLY ALL OF “see her in the night, there in the corner of my eye” 💔💔 when i read that his mother died i already teared up and then the part where he was digging and met the reader’s gaze… i genuinely wanted to die at that moment i felt so bad for him. specifically the “Huang Renjun has no one. Not even his own mother now.” WAS SO FUCKED UP LIKE THIS IS LITERAL EMOTIONAL DAMAGE TO ME. or “Your heartbroken eyes search for him, blurred with tears, yet, you don’t find him. It’s like he’s disappeared the same moment his mother did. Huang Renjun vanished into the thin air. It’s not him. It’s what was left from him after life took everything from him-- an empty shell with nothing left, but anger. “ when i tell you tears were stuck in my eyes i felt my own heart break… that such a beautiful way with words to describe his loss i literally felt as if i was there witnessing his breakdown 🙁🙁

ANYWAYS GREAT FIC BEST ANGST FIC ON THIS APP YOU JUST NEVER MISS WE FREAKING LOVE YOU

the borders ; huang renjun

pairing: huang renjun x fem! reader genre: childhood friends au, slice of life, coming of age, slow-burn, angst word count: 14.6k (14.618) warnings: swearing, mention of food, mention of toy guns, mention of a fist fight, broken families, mentions of alcohol, mention of domestic violence, minor character death (suicide), being pinned to the ground. this story contains heavy topics, please read only if you’re sure nothing will trigger you.  a/n: this is the first ‘long’ nct fic i’m posting i am literally shITTING MY PANTS also this may be the most personal thing i’ve ever written please handle this fic with care

synopsis: you and renjun have known each other for your whole life– growing up together in the backyards of your houses in the small neighbourghood. the two of you had been joint at the hip for as long as you can remember, but eventually, life has other plans for you. both filled with rage and violence, trying hard to accept the fate life has for you in store, can the two of you trust each other again?

blue monday series || playlist

v. your dad took off when you were a baby

They say that a friend in need is a friend indeed, and even though you and Huang Renjun, the quiet boy you met just because of your mother, have only just met, you would go as far as saying that you confirmed this statement right in front of his eyes just at the sheer age of 5. 

Your mum dropped you off at a stranger’s house– telling you it’s her friend Mrs Huang she met in high school and that she will watch you for the afternoon, trailing off to work right after. At times like these, you despised not having an older sibling to stay at home with, not having to spend your free afternoons in a stranger’s care. That’s where you meet the tall lady with an exhausted look sitting on top of her face, wrinkles decorating her eyes and the area around her mouth, looking so much older than your mother. You learn later that your mum is the same age as Mrs Huang, the information surprising you on a sunny afternoon once you’re older and back in your own backyard, since it seems that fate hasn’t been as nice on your new friend’s mother as it has been on yours. 

You meet Huang Renjun under unusual circumstances. His mum leads you to their backyard with a sad smile on her face, nudging you closer to the boy sitting in the uncut grass, fingers angrily plucking the greenery around him and throwing the stems back onto the ground where they belong. The woman pays no more attention to the two of you, disappearing into the house and leaving you to yourselves– painfully awkward and shy, sitting right opposite of each other with pouts on your childish faces.

Keep reading

[vampiredungeon]

Goodreads is really fun because you’ll find a list called “the greatest books of the 21st century” or something and the first book on the list is twilight and you’re like goddamn I hate twilight how’s it winning? So you go into the comments to find someone else complaining about twilight but to your horror everyone else is raving about the series and just as you’re about to comment your hatred of the book you see a guy named Tom. Tom keeps writing long winded comments about how he thinks twilight is a insult to literature and that there’s so many better books to be on the list instead etc etc and he keeps getting ripped to shreds by everyone else in the comments so you think huh maybe I should help him out here but just before you click reply you notice Tom’s profile picture is an old white guy and old white guys on goodreads usually have weird opinions so you decide to check his profile real quick and at first nothing looks wrong he lives in the us and his bio says something like “married, 3 kids, civil engineer” pretty standard for old white guys on goodreads so then you go and check out his favorites shelf but it’s all full of history and philosophy books you’ve never heard of before so you decide to compare your books and again at first nothing seems too weird most of the books you two have in common are just some classics you both left unrated and you’re about to close out of his profile when you see that he gave the really cool book you read couple months ago only one star unlike your five and he also left a review for it. So you click on the review and you’re a little nervous because one star is pretty harsh and that cool book had a lot of diversity and old white guys on goodreads love to bitch about diversity but you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume Tom just didn’t like the slower plot or the sometimes dull dialogue and then you start reading the review and are immediately blasted by sentence after sentence of: “Horrible woke pandering” “A disgrace to the genre” “Unnecessary social commentary” “Disrespectful to my IQ level” The review is paragraphs long and feels never ending and you desperately scroll through the rant hoping to find someone replying to Tom calling him out but instead you find the review has 62 likes and anyone who commented on it was applauding Tom for his bravely at speaking up against the woke mob you bite your fingers to stop yourself from replying to Tom and everyone in his comments calling them all ignorant cunts because while that would be satisfying you know none of them are going to give a fuck and you’ll probably just get your comment reported for harassment or something so instead you just close out of his profile and then you close goodreads and then you turn off your computer and drive it an hour to the nearest lake and you stand on the shore for a bit debating whether or not you throw it in but you eventually decide not to because it was kinda expensive and what are you going to do without a computer so you drive an hour back home but it actually takes longer then an hour because its dark now and it started raining so you take it extra slow and by the time you get back home it’s even darker and it’s gotten a lot colder too especially because you took off your sweatshirt to wrap around your computer because you don’t want it to get wet and your fingers are shaking pretty bad so you drop your keys twice trying to unlock your front door but by the time you do make it in you decide to take a nice long hot shower and about a half a second before the water hits your face you remember your hot water heater broke yesterday.

[ham1lton]

could i request a continuation of lewis x assistant yn when damson idris flirts with her ❤️‍🩹 could be texts or a blurb whatever u like!!! it made me laugh so hard to picture george going first of all what ‘work’ is yn doing 🤨 and lewis being like 😒😒😒

author’s note: i am very well aware that is giveon and not damson but please pretend it is <3 part of my dream girl universe and my 2k celebration! also there is an smau at the end :D

you only had one goal on your mind: to find damson idris and to not get flustered while pulling out your top pick up lines.

he was as elusive as he was handsome. showing up on the paddock occasionally while flocked by film crew, and almost always while you were busy in a rush. you prayed that he hadn’t seen you on the day you hadn’t brushed your hair and he just so happened to walk by you and smile in your general direction.

you had finished all of your work a day early, sending lewis’ emails and planning his day so that you would have a solid forty five minutes of seducing time. you had put on your favourite makeup look, styled your hair and even wore the skirt that made your legs look fantastic. it was go time.

you do a quick breath and teeth check as you walk towards him. he’s sitting on a couch, scrolling through his phone as you approach him.

“hi,” you say, as he looks up and you and smiles. “i’m yn, huge fan and not in the stalker way.”

“damson.” he laughs as he shakes your hand and gestures for you to sit next to him. “so do you attend f1 games a lot? i’ve been here for a while now and i’ve never seen you. i feel like i definitely would have noticed someone like you.”

“someone like me?”

“y’know, pretty.” he smiles bashfully. you resist the urge to giggle like a kid. that would obviously be very embarrassing.

“oh you think so?” you said, giggling. he nods, as you twirl a strand of hair around a finger. “but i’m actually here because i work for-“

“lewis hamilton?” he interrupts, as he sits up.

“how did you know?” you say before you turn around to see lewis headed your way. he gives damson a nod before turning to you.

“damson,” lewis grins. “are you monopolising my assistant?”

“oh no. we’re just chatting.”

“because she sadly has a lot of work to do.”

“i do?”

“she does?” george, who was eating a chicken salad in the corner chimes in. “since when does yn do work.”

“excuse me? i’ve always worked.” you raise an eyebrow. “been working since i was sixteen and i’ve been working for lewis since i was eighteen.”

“legally perhaps but i’ve never seen you work.” george gives you a pointed look and takes a bite of his dry salad. “you’re always in people’s business or watching netflix or playing with roscoe.”

“do you see the air? no, but it’s still there isn’t it?” you roll your eyes. “also playing with roscoe is actually part of my job dumbass-“

“speaking of things that are still there,” lewis interrupts you as you glare at george. “you still have to get roscoe’s snacks.”

“i bought three extra bags just yesterday?”

“well. he finished them.”

“oh for goodness sake,” you sigh as you get up. “you spoil that dog.”

“you just bought matching gold bracelets with him a week ago and expensed it on my card.”

“i’m sorry about this damson.” you say, ignoring lewis. “duty calls, i’ll see you later.”

“definitely.” he winks as you giggle.

((you realise that you didn’t even get a chance to use the pickup lines so you make george rank them out of 10. he gives them all a 0 and you try and bribe carmen to make him sleep on the couch. it’s unsuccessful but he pays for the two of you to have lunch together, so you count it as a win anyways.))

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe and 1,102,198 others.

yourusername: it finally happened. i built this shit… brick by brick!

tagged: damsonidris

view all 208,728 comments

user1: OMGGGGGG POWER COUPLE

user2: more roscoe posts.. we’re BACK!!

*liked by yourusername.*

user3: yn i love uuu

-> yourusername: i looveee uuu user3

-> user3: just fell to my knees in walmart.

user5: snowfall reference YASSS

user6: since when was yn and damson dating?

-> user7: better question is… do they need a third?

user8: so lewisyn is no more???

-> yourusername: that man is my boss x

georgerussell63: so this is the work u needed to do? hmm.

-> user9: MESSY ASS 😭

-> user10: what do u mean by that…. 🤨

-> user11: give us the tea or leave it on the playground mr russell.

lewishamilton: yn did u get my text message?

-> yourusername: yes and i sorted it out no worries 😋

-> user12: he’s jealous 😭

-> user13: ik he mad rn 😹😹

lilymhe: pretty girl 💋

-> yourusername: miss u lil :((

-> lilymhe: imy too babe it’s been years 😢

-> alex_albon: ur sitting right next to each other??

oscarpiastri: you look pretty.

-> yourusername: so i look ugly and grotesque normally?

-> oscarpiastri: you know what i mean.

-> oscarynnie: WE WON!!!!

damsonidris: lovely to meet you yn, i’ll see you on the paddock very soon :)

-> yourusername: looking forward to it 😁💕

— dream girl series taglist: @flowergirl1134 @laur20a23 @greantii @rafebun @sumlovesjude @papayadays

[damiansgoodgirll]

Damian and the reader get into a argument at work due to him being with Rhea 24/7 and not careing about her. Feelings and ends smut! ?

changed the “at work” part but i hope you enjoy this anyway ❤️

damian priest x reader

likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated!

‼️angst, a lot of feelings, damian neglecting reader, mention of smut‼️

all night long

you loved damian, he was your boyfriend.

and you loved rhea too, she was your best friend.

and after the event of summerslam you saw them bonding more than before, you actually didn’t mind, they’ve always been great friends and after suffering from the action of their old team members, you could understand why they were so close.

what you didn’t understand was why damian was taking you for granted and spending more time with rhea.

he trained more with her, everytime you had plans he always brought rhea along, romantic movie nights became horror movies nights and you couldn’t stand it anymore.

it was like damian was treating you both as friends and you didn’t know why, especially since you were his girlfriend and not a normal friend.

but one night in particular made you out of your mind. it made you go crazy.

you were at home, already dressed in your nice and comfy outfit, waiting for damian to pick you up and drive you both to your mom’s birthday party. you were so excited to see all of your family together again and you couldn’t wait for your little cousin to meet damian, he was a huge fan and when you first told him that you were dating he couldn’t believe it until he saw the pictures. so now it was all he talked about.

but damian wasn’t home yet and the party was about to start.

you called him and texted him but with no response.

“fuck it…” you whispered. you weren’t going to miss your mom’s birthday and you sure weren’t going to miss it because of damian. so you took your car and drove all the way downtown to see your mom and family.

everyone noticed the little tension you had. your mom asked you about damian and you simply told her that he was working and he was coming later but you weren’t so sure at this point that he would show up.

you texted him probably 20 times that night but he never replied back.

“oh it’s damian…let me answer” you saw his name popping up on your phone, almost two hours later since the party started.

“where the fuck are you damian? it’s almost ten and you were supposed to be at home by eight…” you shouted-whispered, trying not to catch attention. you slowly dragged yourself into the backyard, out of everyone sight.

“i’m so sorry amor but i don’t think i can make it tonight…” he said, making your heart miss a few beats.

“the fuck are you talking about?” you wanted to scream so loud but you knew you couldn’t “get your ass up here damian, everyone is waiting for you!”

“i’m still at the gym mi amor…” you didn’t even let him finish talking.

“i don’t care! it’s my mom’s birthday and you promised damian…you promised you were going to be there, so get your ass up here now!” you were seeing black.

“i…i don’t think i can make it in time hermosa, i’m still training with rhea and…”

“of course you’re with her” you whispered, your words definitely catching damian’s attention.

“what did you say y/n?” his voice sounded more serious.

“nothing, just stay at the gym and train with her since she’s more important than me anyway, hope you have a good night” and before he could reply you hung up on him.

your mama was really sad when you told her that he wasn’t able to come because of work, but she understood, she had a great bond with damian and she liked him really much so, of course, she was a bit disappointed but she knew damian work was a lot.

in the meantime damian was stunned by your words. you really thought he cared about rhea like that?

“is everything okay dam?” rhea asked him, noticing the look he had on his face.

“yeah…i think y/n’s mad…”

“what did you do to make her mad?” she teased him, earning a chuckle from his lips.

“nothing important…let’s finish this so i can be home in thirty minutes” so he continued his training with rhea while you were trying the best to keep a smile on your face while everyone was celebrating your mom but inside you were breaking.

once the party ended you took your sweet time coming back home. not wanting to see damian, you took the longest route and passed by some of your favorite restaurants and bars, watching the couples inside and wondering if they had the same problems you had or if they were just happily living their relationships.

damian was waiting for you at home. knowing he was mad he wanted to make it up to you so, before coming home, he stopped by and brought you some chocolate and flowers.

when he heard the car outside he knew that he was going to get yelled at but he was ready. what he wasn’t ready to face was you entering the house and ignoring him, pretending he wasn’t there when he tried to talk to you.

“…can you please look at me? i know you’re mad and i’m completely sorry for tonight…but don’t ignore me like this” he followed you when you took out your shoes and placed them in the closet next to the front door. he followed you when you turn off the lights from the living room and went to the bedroom. he followed you because you wouldn’t let him speak and he hated it.

“that’s how i felt when you ignored me damian…” you simply said, trying not to show any emotion.

“i didn’t mean to ignore you…you know…we were training because this weekend we have an important match in berlin, a very important big match and we want to be perfect for that show” he said, his face not showing any emotion.

“oh so my mom’s birthday wasn’t important? i told you weeks ago to take a few hours, not even a full day, just a few hours off of work so you could have gone with me to her birthday! you should have seen everyone’s faces when i told them that my boyfriend completely forgot about her birthday and preferred to train… pretty sure no one likes you anymore” you didn’t mean to be so hard on him, but you were mad and you had every right to be. it’s not what you said to your family, you just told them that he was busy working and couldn’t come but you wanted him to feel at least guilty.

“and i told you i’m so sorry for missing her birthday, i’ll make it up to her but please you have to understand that -…”

“no damian! i don’t have to understand anything! the only thing i want to understand is why my boyfriend is neglecting me! and it’s not only about tonight, it’s about all the other things that used to be ours and now they’re not!” you couldn’t keep your emotions under control and so a few tears fell from your eyes “it’s about the dates you cancelled because rhea needed you, it’s about the movie nights you invited her over when those were our movie nights…it’s about rhea joining us everywhere we go, it’s about you being more at work than home, and when you’re home you don’t even acknowledge my presence…this is what’s about and you probably don’t even realise how bad it hurts…” you turned, not wanting to see him.

he had no idea about the pain he was causing you. he taught that supporting rhea during this difficult time was the best decision but not when you were feeling this way. he didn’t think that bringing rhea everywhere you went was a problem because he knew you were good friends but that was the problem. he didn’t think. he didn’t think about your feelings. he didn’t know what you were feeling because he didn’t have time for you.

and now, you crying because of him was making it worse.

“mariposa…i’m so fucking sorry…i-i had no idea you were feeling like this…” he couldn’t find enough words to express how sorry he was.

“yeah…i shouldn’t be the one to tell you this by the way…but it’s clear you like spending time with her more than me…” you were feeling jealous of your own best friend. the one who just got married. the one who wanted you to be her bridesmaid. but you couldn’t help the feeling of knowing that they were together 24/7 because of their work.

“you think i want her?” no answer from you “you think i want her? answer me y/n…you think i want rhea?” his eyes black, staring at you, staring at your soul.

you knew you were stupid to doubt of damian’s love for you, you knew he loved you and you knew he didn’t think of rhea like that but he had no idea how it felt being neglected by the man you loved “you don’t know how i felt damian…” and it was true, all those dates he missed just because he had to train with her, the movie nights were it was just the two of you, the football games he used to take you alone, you missed the little things that made you happy.

“i told you…i’m so sorry for what happened” damian apologised for the millionth time that night.

“i don’t care if you’re sorry damian! i shouldn’t be the one to remind you that you have a girlfriend waiting for you at home …” he wasn’t even seeing your point of view, he was just mad that you thought that there was something going on between him and rhea.

“we can keep screaming at each other or we can talk about this like two adults” he said, waiting for a response from you.

“i definitely don’t wanna talk tonight. it’s late, i’m tired and i have things to do tomorrow…” you said, stripping down from your clothes and putting your pj on.

“so we are going to bed mad at each other?” he asked, watching every movement that you made.

“i don’t know, i’m definitely not sleeping with you damian tonight. you pick. you take the guest bedroom or i will, i don’t care, i’m just tired…”

damian couldn’t believe his ears “we are not sleeping apart, we talk about this now…”

you sighed “there’s not much to talk about damian. you’ve been neglecting me for weeks and if i didn’t speak you wouldn’t even have noticed it, so, it’s pretty clear to me that i’m not important as you are for me…ask her to keep you company tonight” a tear fell down from your eye but you were quick to wipe it away.

“stop that nonsense y/n! por favor! i messed up, i know that! but stop bringing rhea into this! it’s about me and you…i know i fucked up! i thought i was being a nice friend, i thought that it would have helped her heal from what happened at summerslam…i thought that you didn’t mind having rhea with us all the time because you are great friends but i didn’t think about how you might have felt and that was my fault…that was my mistake and i realise i fucked up…but don’t ever say that i care about rhea more than i care about you because that’s absolutely bullshit!” he didn’t mean to scream but you were the most important person in his life and he couldn’t handle the idea of you thinking so less about your relationship. he loved you with all of his heart.

were you really so blind to doubt about his love for you?

you couldn’t keep your tears inside any longer so you let them fall.

damian opened his big arms for you and gently hugged you, letting you cry all of your tears “i’m so sorry that i made you feel this way y/n…i had no idea how you felt but i promise you, from now on, no more rhea, just us…”

“i don’t mind having her around, she’s my best friend…but you are my boyfriend and, and there are moments where i feel like you just treat me as a friend…there are moments where i want you just for myself…” you cried into his shirt.

he couldn’t find words. he knew he hurt you and the way you were crying told him everything he needed to know “i’m so sorry mi amor…”

“it’s okay i guess…” you mumbled against his chest.

“no it’s not okay…i fucked up and i know that, i’m so sorry i made you feel that way…but at the same time i can’t believe you would even think that i would want rhea the same way i want you…it makes me feel like i failed somehow, as a boyfriend” he confessed, making you look into his eyes.

“you didn’t fail…i think we should have talked about this instead of screaming at each other…i’m sorry too…” you apologised, realising that maybe you went too far too.

“look at me y/n…” he slowly lifted your chin up, making you look at him “you’re the only person i want, the only person i need…and i would spend all night long to prove it too you” his thumb gently wiped your tears away “all night long…” he repeated, whispering against your lips before he planted a small kiss upon your lips, testing the waters.

when he felt you reacting to the kiss, he went deeper. slowly opening his mouth a little more, biting your lips, making you moan into his mouth “you’re the only one i want” he whispered again, making you believe that.

his hands moved to your hips, lightly pushing you on the bed, his lips never leaving yours “i promised you, i would spend all night to make it up to you hermosa…” and he did maintain his promise.

showing you how sorry and sad he was that you ever doubt his love for you. showing you how horny and hard you get him, because you are the only woman to have that affect on him. showing you how deeply in love he is with you because he can’t live without you.

[xoxoladyaz]

It Hits Different This Time

Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Rock Star Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five

“Steve.” 

He hears Robin knocking on the door, her knuckles tapping firmly against the wood.

“STEVE.”

He’s lying on the bed in Robin’s guest bedroom, limbs starfished across the plush gray comforter, staring at the ceiling fan. Taylor Swift is singing to him, blasting from the Alexa speaker next to him.

Oh my, love is a lie, shit my friends say to get me by 

“Alexa, volume up.”

“Steve – STEVE!”

It hits different, it hits different this time

“Alexa, off,” Robin says as she marches into the room. Taylor’s voice cuts off almost immediately and Steve huffs, frustrated.

“Steve, as much as I love listening to your ‘Sad Taylor Swift’ playlist, you need to eat something. Go for a walk. Take a shower.”

“I’d rather not.”

Sighing, Robin kicks his left leg until he’s made enough room for her to collapse down beside him and gaze up at the spinning fan. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

They lay in silence.

“It’s just – our three-year anniversary, Robin.”

“I know.”

“He didn’t even text me.”

“I know.”

“And the supermodels at the club! And the tweets!”

“I know, Steve.”

There’s moisture pricking at the inside of his eyes now. “I just – it’s dumb, okay? I thought we could make this work. But I guess I’m not as important to him as he is to me.”

“Dingus,” Robin chides, and he turns his face away so she can’t see that he’s actually crying now. (She still probably knows that he is; Robin always knows. He just doesn’t want anyone to see.) “Okay, is Eddie Munson a huge idiot? Yes, and he has been for as long as we’ve known him. Is he kind of an asshole now that he’s famous? Yes. Do I think this is the end? Not necessarily.”

Steve snorts. “It’s been four days, Robin. Nothing for four days. I think it’s already ended.”

Robin cuddles up to his side so now they’re legitimately snuggling together. “Look, all I’m saying is he’s going to be back in the state in a few days and I think you owe it yourself to at least have a conversation with him. Either you two decide to work things out and start communicating better or you decide that he’s not pulling his weight to make his relationship work and you get closure. Either way, I think you need to talk to him.”

“Yeah,” Steve sniffles. “You’re probably right.”

“Steven, I’m always right.”

“I’m sorry, do you want to talk about the Pixar question you fumbled on trivia night?”

“Dingus, I swear to god if you don’t let it go - ”

/////

Eddie’s groggy and nauseous and fuck the sun is too bright. He pulls at the window-shades as he stumbles into their kitchen, dropping his Louis Vuitton bag on the floor. The fact that he’s managing to walk while coming down from a five day bender that he barely fucking remembers is kind of a miracle. 

“Steve! Stevie, baby, I’m home!”

Silence.

What day is it today, Saturday? He’s probably at the farmer’s market with Robin. Eddie’s a few days early anyways, wanted it to be a surprise. And honestly, it’s probably a good thing Steve’s not home, Eddie needs to keep sobering up.

He pulls a fresh bottle of water out of the fridge and collapses onto the restored dining-room chairs they bought a few months ago. He tips it back and drinks it down greedily, swallowing the cool water down his aching throat. “Oh, that’s good,” he moans to himself, dropping the now empty bottle onto the dining room table.

The empty bottle that clangs against something. Squinting, Eddie opens his eyes and looks down.

There’s a small box sitting at his spot, a card laying haphazardly onto the side. It looks like someone opened it and scribbled all over what they originally wrote.

Eddie frowns and grabs for the card. It’s Steve’s writing. Whatever he’s crossed out is unreadable. Instead, all there is is the following:

I would say Happy Anniversary, but judging by the fact that (1) you didn’t return my call or even text me back and (2) the paps caught you at the club with the guys and a bunch of supermodels instead, I’m going to assume that you’re not interested in celebrating it anymore.

Eddie feels his stomach sink so fast that he’s going to lose all the water he just drank. 

Look, Eds, I am so proud of you for making your dream come true. I would never ask you to give that up or sacrifice your music for me. But I’m tired of feeling alone in this relationship. Of feeling like you don’t love me as much as I love you. Because I would do anything for you, but I think this all proves that you wouldn’t do the same for me.

Anyways, I still want you to have your gift. It wouldn’t make sense to give it to anyone else. 

Your biggest fan, Steve

He can’t see straight and it’s not because of the drugs. He can’t breathe and it’s not because of his asthma or his wicked smoking habit. 

He grabs the small box, flips it open, and chokes back a sob.

It’s a perfect replica of Aragorn’s ring, the ring he’s given that proves he is Isilduir’s heir. He’s wanted it foryears, but it was never something that he thought he could buy for himself. Sure, he could buy whatever random luxury shit without a sweat, but something so meaningful to him? Because reading The Lord of the Rings saved his fucking life in high school? His brain couldn’t deal with him buying it for himself. His therapist says it’s one of his many hang-ups regarding money and fame and his self-esteem issues, but that’s not what matters right now.

What matters is that Steve gave this to him, loved him enough to have it made for him.

And now Steve is gone.

Eddie grabs for his phone with shaking hands and checks the date.

“Fuck.”

Five days. 

He’s five days too fucking late.

He’s dialing Jeff before he can even realize he’s doing it.

“Dude, I really don’t want to be talking to you right now.”

“Jeff,” Eddie barely gets out, his voice choking on a sob. “Steve is gone.”

Jeff’s silent for a moment. 

“I’m on my way.”

[90ekz]

do you think you could write hcs of jean with a softspoken gf? nobody writes for him fr it’s so sad

an! i love jean and this concept anon ! im a soft spoken girl myself so this really hits home 🥹 i hope you enjoy!!

jean as your boyfriend <3

SFW

when you two first started dated, jean was convinced that he hit the lottery. you were everything he ever wanted and he loved a girl that kept to herself.

jean sometimes takes you to wing houses & burger joints and watches with a huge smile as you try to order your food against the chaos of the other people conversing around you. you weren’t the biggest fan of having to yell in public, but you tried your best, and his heart melts everytime.

when you first met him at connie’s house warming party, you bumped into him, spilling the contents of your cup onto his white button up. jean had turned beet red as you stood on your tippy toes to whisper a hurried apology into his ear over the sound of the blaring music, while rushing to go get paper towels.

his favorite thing about you is how attentively you listen. it doesn’t matter what he’s talking about, you’ll be making eye contact and nodding along to whatever he has to say.

gets irritated with you during arguments, because you well… don’t engage. he could be giving a verbal, ten page, double spaced paper about how irritated he is with you, and you’ll just look at him like you’re bored.

“all i’m saying is that you don’t have to get aggressive with me over this. yes, i was at armin’s late and didn’t say anything, but i’ll tell you next time, okay? i’m sorry.” “okay.” “i said sorry, damn! stop yelling!”

you aren’t the biggest fan of confrontation, but he is. connect the dots yourself.

“SHE SAID NO GODDAMN TOMATO!” “it’s fine, i can just take them off—“ “not now, baby. gimme a sec, okay? anyway, FIX HER FUCKING BURGER!”

the two of you communicate so silently that it freaks your friends the hell out. when you want to go home, when you’re tired, when he’s needy, when he’s irritated? easy, simple eye contact will send you or him springing into action to fix the problem.

you may be quiet, but you love to laugh. jean doesn’t think he can think of anything more angelic-sounding than the sound of your genuine laughter, only for him.

jean had to learn how to be more tender when doing daily tasks. he was so used to slamming doors and stomping up stairs that he didn’t remember to adjust that behavior when you moved in.

(the first week you moved in, he’d thrown open the door to your bedroom and felt his chest squeeze as you almost tumbled out of your desk chair. now he puts three gentle taps on every door when he needs to come in.)

physical touch fanatic. end of discussion.

NSFW

lemme tell you, this man takes it to heart when you try to hold in your moans. you’re a little embarrassed with how loud you get, but nothing turns jean on more.

“nuh uh, lemme hear you—need to hear how good i’m making you feel, princess..”

during your first time together, he’d almost cum in his pants at the mere sound of your loud groans bouncing off the walls.

loves when you pull his hair more than anything. he takes it as a sign to go harder, fuck you deeper, and he obliges everytime. his cock throbs harder each time you run your fingers through his loose curls.

about 5.7 inches roughly, but thick. his cock flares as it goes downward; the head being the slimmest part. giving him head is fun, you think.

jean has this weird little fixation with your neck. it doesn’t matter what position he has you in, he’ll have a hand—or his mouth—running across the skin of your throat. backshots? he’s got a hand pressing against your nape to keep you in place. missionary? he’s massaging his thumb over your throat so tenderly that it should be illegal. cowgirl? he’s squeezing the sides of your neck while whispering about how good of a girl you’re being for him. he’s pretty damn weird.

his favorite thing to do is eat you out. you deny it, but your voice shoots up a whole octave when he massages your gspot with his two fingers of choice as he suckles on your swollen clit.

utterly surprised at how much you talk during sex. it almost embarrasses him how much you beg, scream, and whine for him. a mixture of ‘please’s’ and ‘fuck’s being infused in his head for eternity.

“oouu—shit, you’re so fucking loud…”

presses down on your stomach to feel where he is so he can try and go deeper… yeah.

tries to fuck your throat hoarse just to hear your raspy voice for a few hours. you’re such a trooper, just sitting there and taking it for him, even if he laughs at you after.

“babe, i’m so sorry—hahaha!” “this isn’t funny, i sound like t-pain!” “I LIKE THE BARRRTENDERRR—ouch, im sorry, i said i’m sorry!”

aftercare god. he’ll spend hours taking care of you, washing your back in the tub, greasing your scalp, making you tea and cookies, the whole nine. this man loves you deep.

[velvrei]

hihiii it’s the anon that asked if you had any hansumfella requests yet !! i just had to feel out the scenery …

this is like a very loose requests so you can like fill in the gaps, but i was wondering if you could write something where reader is someone who’s lowk kind of famous and fella mentions on stream that she’s his celebrity crush and the clip get’s really popular and she ends up seeing it and wowow turns out she thought he was cute too and they end up texing and blah blah blah!

it’s not very detailed but it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately hehehe thank uuu

omg this is so cute yes ofc i can do this

not so nonchalant (part 1)

pairing: hansumfella x famous!reader

warnings: fluff!

summary: fella reveals on stream that you are his celebrity crush, and the clip gets popular enough for you to see it

tyler was sat at his desk, streaming and answering questions from the fans. he chuckled as he read the chat.

“favorite twin tower? okay guys, let’s ask, i don’t know, normal questions?” he says, adding a laugh as the chat blows up with laughs and he starts to read the real ones.

“do you have a girlfriend?” he reads another question, wanting to face palm, “guys, i don’t have a girlfriend we’ve been over this.” he says with a laugh. “‘and i’m sure you stalkers will find out when i get one anyway, cause you guys have already found my address, so.” he says, calling out the chat as many people comment stuff like:

user27: oh that’s not..

kittyluvr: we love u!

fellasbff: HELP

he continued answering questions, most of them unserious, until he saw one in the chat that caught his eye.

“who’s your celebrity crush, and don’t say ice spice.” he read from the screen, laughing at the end comment. “damn, i was gonna say ice spice too,” he joked, his tone obviously sarcastic.

he began to think, even though he knew he didn’t have to, and you were immediately on his mind. he wasn’t sure if he should outright say it, but he was a few drinks in from recording beeriokart not too long before so he thought, why not.

“i’ll give you guys an actual answer, you guys have probably had enough bullshit from em when it comes to these questions.”

the chat angrily agrees, “okay, okay!” he laughs, holding his stomach. “she’s a pretty famous tiktoker. she’s known for her humor and positivity, and she has a huge following on both youtube and instagram is well.”

the chat blows up with guesses and he can’t help but smile when he sees someone guess your name.

“it’s y/n, yeah,” he said into the mic, as the chat begins to go crazy. “she’s like super beautiful, but has a huge following so there’s no way she’d even know i exist. okay, anyways. next question.”

the chat all begins to fangirl, they’ve never heard tyler seriously talk about someone like that in a nice manner, so they knew he was down bad and wasn’t afraid to point it out.

a few days later, you were sitting on your bed scrolling through your phone, it was around 10pm. you scrolled from a random edit to see a clip of this funny guy you’d been seeing on your for you page recently. you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have some of the edits of him saved to your phone.

you continued to watch the clip, it starting with him talking about the twin towers, which made you laugh, and then continues as he’s asked about his celebrity crush.

he joked before saying your name, making your mouth fall open. you weren’t expecting it, and given he was someone you had been watching recently, you were even more taken back.

you immediately went to his social media, slightly stalking as if you weren’t before, going to his instagram and following it.

on fella’s side, he practically jumped for joy when he saw the notification of your following him, however, once the realization sunk in of why you probably followed him, his heart dropped.

you decided to message him, kicking your feet as you sent the first message.

you: fella. i know what you did.

you said, laughing as you decided to scare him a bit.

him: i am quacking in my boots right now.

him: QUAKING. not quacking. god.

you: LMFAOO. i saw the clip, that’s all. just wanted to make your heart drop to your ass

him: you definitely succeeded! 😁😁😁😁😁

you: LOL i think it’s cute though like before i saw that i won’t even lie to you like im not gonna gas up your ego or anything 🙄

you: but i you were on my fyp a couple days ago and i may or may not have giggled at your videos…

him: WHAT.

him: is this a prank

him: am i being pranked right now.

you: NOO THIS IS NOT A PRANK FELLA I PROMISE.

you: but i saw the clips and may or may not have stalked your tiktok, instagram and twitter…

him: oh

him: OH.

you: LMFAO. anyways, staring over!

you: hi! you’re really funny

him: this is not happening rn

you: we should meet up

you: only for the fans ofc yk they would go crazy

him: wait no redo bc i’m supposed to ask you on the date

him: yk yk we should nonchalantly go on a date yk casually casual date where we get food and post pictures nonchalantly

you: HELP?

him: help is on the way🚨🚔

you: what if i say no now just bc you said that.

you: jk, yes i’ll go on the nonchalant date with you nonchalantly but you have to look nice

him: omg when okay

you: tomorrow?

him: OHBMY GOD

him: yes. that’s fine. i’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow. i. am. being. nonchalant. i. promise. totally not freaking out rn

you: that’s cute awww

you: ILL SEE YOU TOMORROW!

him: SEE YOU TOMORROW 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 (i’m dying)

…

part two here hehehe

[solarmorrigan]

Movie Nights

For the @steddie-spooktober day 25 prompt: Frankenstein Friday Rated: T | Words: 1514 | CW: None | Tags: established relationship, outsider POV, I know the movie is over 90 years old but I didn't actually watch it myself until a month ago, so just in case there's anyone else out there who hasn't seen it, Frankenstein (1931) spoilers Divider credit: @steddiecameraroll-graphics

Part 3 of the Good Neighbors series

Gladys can appreciate new things. Books, television, music – the little joys to be found in new discoveries are what make life worth living. She isn’t as set in her ways as some people her age can be, but she does have her favorites.

She loves her mysteries and her thrillers above all else; the likes of Agatha Christie, Elizabeth Peters, and Arthur Conan Doyle line her shelves. She’s dipped into the genre of spies and intrigue, digging into Ian Fleming and John Le Carré. She’s even been known to appreciate a good horror film now and then.

Emphasis on “good.”

“So this is what passes for horror these days?” Gladys asks as a young man on the TV screen is sucked down into his bed, only to be spat back out as an absolute geyser of blood.

Eddie chuckles, glancing up from the screen. “Not your cup of tea?”

Gladys leans on the back of the couch, resting her arms there. She’d only come over to the boys’ apartment to see if they had a spare baking dish she could borrow; they certainly hadn’t invited her in to critique their choice of entertainment. But all the same–

“I just think they should try a little harder to really scare people. These days, it’s all shock and gore. All they have to do is shower people in blood and call it a day,” Gladys says. “I remember a time when they put real effort in.”

“Back in your day?” Eddie teases, grinning at her.

Gladys tsks, cuffing him upside the head – not hard, barely more than a tap, but he still falls sideways onto the couch with a gasp, clutching his head, and then rolls right off and onto the floor with a thump. Gladys rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother to hide her smile at his antics.

“Hey, will this work for–” Steve exits the kitchen, a glass baking dish in his hands, and stops as his attention is almost immediately diverted to Eddie. “Why are you on the floor?”

“Gladys attacked me,” Eddie replies.

“Oh. Good for her,” Steve decides, holding up the dish again. “Will this work for you?”

“That would be fine,” Gladys says, accepting it as Steve passes it over.

“She also thinks my movie is trash,” Eddie says brightly as he levers himself back up onto the couch.

“I did not say it was trash,” Gladys says. “At worst, I said it was cheap.”

“Okay, but that’s not better,” Eddie says.

“I’m not a huge fan, either,” Steve leans in to stage whisper to Gladys, “but it makes him happy.”

“Yeah, yeah, everyone’s a critic.” Eddie rolls his eyes, then leans back a bit so he can look up at Gladys. “What would you call a good horror movie, if not the genius of Wes Craven?”

Gladys purses her lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever seen the classics? Dracula, The Creature from the Black Lagoon?”

Eddie lets out a thoughtful little noise, shaking his head. “Can’t say I have.”

“Well, you ought to. You’ll see where it all began, then,” Gladys says.

“And I get the feeling you’d enjoy showing us,” Eddie says, wiggling his eyebrows up at Gladys.

“’Us’? Who’s ‘us’? When did I get roped into this?” Steve asks, and Eddie reaches out to take one of his hands.

“We’re a package deal, baby, everyone knows that,” Eddie says.

“No one around here but Gladys knows that,” Steve reminds him.

“Everyone important knows that,” Eddie amends. “Anyway, what do you say, Gladys? Feel like educating a couple of horror philistines such as ourselves?”

“Well,” Gladys says slowly, “I’m sure I could come up with something.”

This is how she ends up in her armchair the following Friday night, the boys both sitting on the loveseat, all watching as the audience is warned of the frightening nature of the upcoming film playing out on the television.

“Now, this wasn’t Universal’s first horror film, and it wasn’t even the first movie adaptation of Frankenstein,” Gladys says when the opening credits come on, “but it is a bit iconic. I thought you might get a kick out of it.”

“But is it scary?” Eddie teases.

“Well, I don’t know about scary, but maybe a bit shocking. Look at it this way:” Gladys says, “it was 1931. Graverobbing and murder might seem mundane to you, but we weren’t quite as desensitized to seeing it on the screen back then.”

Steve glances over at her. “Do you remember when this came out?”

“Oh, barely.” Gladys wiggles her hand back and forth in a so-so gesture. “I certainly didn’t go to see it in the theater, I was only six or seven at the time.”

“Still, that’s pretty cool,” Steve says, and Gladys favors him with a smile.

If they aren’t altogether horrified by the movie, the boys are at least engaged, keeping up a running commentary that has even Gladys laughing. (“He had that coming,” Steve says when the monster finally catches Frankenstein’s assistant. “Yep. Rest in pieces, Fritz,” Eddie adds.) However, as they reach the midway point, the father onscreen bidding his daughter to go play with her cat while he works, Steve shifts uneasily in his seat.

“Wait, they’re not going to do anything to the cat, are they?” he asks, cutting a worried glance at Gladys.

As if the thought hadn’t occurred to him until Steve voiced it, Eddie sits up straight in his own seat. “Gladys,” he says, pointing an accusing finger at the screen, “you’re not showing us a movie where they kill a cat, are you?”

One brow raised, Gladys regards the pair of them. “You’re worried about the cat, but not the child?”

Steve scoffs. “It’s 1931, they’re not gonna kill a kid,” he says, while Eddie nods in agreement.

Both brows raised now, Gladys only gives them a little “hm,” and turns back to the screen. With some suspicion, Eddie and Steve do the same, watching as the scene unfolds.

“Oh, shit,” Steve says, taken aback as the monster tosses the little girl into the lake.

“Damn. Guess we should’ve worried about the kid, after all,” Eddie says.

“You have to have some idea of how this movie ends,” Gladys says, shaking her head. “Did you really think they’d form an angry mob over a dead cat?”

“I would,” Eddie declares, then looks down at Steve, who at some point in the last half hour had ended up tucked into Eddie’s side (when, Gladys isn’t sure, but it’s sweet; it’s a pleasant feeling knowing how comfortable the two of them are here). “Steve, would you form an angry mob with me if someone killed our cat?”

“We don’t have a cat,” Steve says.

“That’s not the point,” Eddie insists, and Steve relents.

“I would come with you if only to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed,” he decides.

“I’ll take it,” Eddie says with a shrug.

The rest of the movie plays out on the screen – the forming of the mob, the confrontation with the monster, the burning windmill, and, at last, the peaceful conclusion.

“Wait,” Eddie says, brows furrowed as he watches the end credits play, “that’s it? That’s how it ends? A toast to the house of Frankenstein, the end?”

“Yes…” Gladys says slowly. “Why? How should it end?”

“Oh, I don’t know, how about a little restitution for the guy whose daughter got murdered?” Eddie demands, shooting up out of his seat so quickly that Steve has no time to brace himself and falls sideways onto the loveseat with a little ‘oof.’ “How about a little accountability? I mean, seriously, this is just typical; some rich, entitled asshole plays around with things he can’t control, creates a problem he refuses to solve, and the poor end up being the ones to pay the price!”

“Now you’ve got him started,” Steve mutters to Gladys as he sits himself back up.

“Is there any way to get him to stop?” Gladys asks, though she’s a little fascinated with the theatrical way Eddie throws himself around the living room as he rants.

“Uh.” Steve glances over at Eddie and back away again, and there actually seems to be a little color rising in his cheeks. “Not, um…”

“Take him home first, if you’re planning to do something like that,” Gladys says primly, only to lose the fight to her laughter when Steve looks over at her, aghast.

“I wouldn’t–!” he protests indignantly, his face going redder.

“Are you guys even listening to me?” Eddie demands, turning back to face the pair of them.

Gladys declines to answer, asking instead, “Eddie, dear, how did you like the movie?”

“Oh. Aside from the ending, it was great.” Eddie drops back onto the loveseat, reaching out absently to tug Steve back over to his side. “What else ya got?”

“Well,” Gladys says, picking through the stack of tapes she’d managed to dig up at the video store. “If you like entitled rich people, let’s see how you feel about Dracula.”

[ttrpg-smash-pass-vs]

Have you seen Dungeon Meshi? Laos is such a monsterfucker I can’t get over it. He asks one of his companions if it felt good to be caught by the tentacle-vine plant monster. He waxed poetic about how cool animal-hybrid monsters are. (I’m sorry if you don’t like a show or this feels irrelevant to your blog, but also I can’t tell my friends ‘hey I like this character because I also think it would feel good to be caught by the tentacle monster’)

Anyway he’s how I imagine this blog’s audience would approach an IRL dungeon expedition

Sorry to take this way too seriously, I mean no ill will. But I've been a MASSIVE fan of dungeon meshi for... oof, almost 7 years apparently, It's a perfect storm of everything I love with fantastic writing and characterization, and I don't think I could disagree with that more. I think you missed a primary running gag of the series. He keeps saying lines that, if anyone else said them would be sexual, but the people around him know he's just a super obsessed wildlife researcher. He does not want to fuck monsters, that's kinda the entire point. Like you need to understand that some biologists will happily and unnecessarily lick poison, get bitten, and pick up dangerous things without hesitation. It's not that they get off to poison play, it's that they love the topic so much that it's their life and they want to know every aspect. When he's zealously asking what it's like for the vine monster to grapple and stab you with seeds, he's saying that because he's just that into learning and wants the firsthand experience! He's here because he doesn't want to just read about his special interest, he wants to live it, be PART of the ecosystem!

...actually, incredibly relevant spoilers below for a monster later on (chapter 58-60, so likely end of this season or start of the next)

They later find straight-up succubi. Chilchuck talking about how they turn into your perfect match, you ALWAYS have to fight them as a pair or you're just screwed because of irresistible magic charming powers. One finds Laios alone...and he's completely unaffected, immediately chokes it and goes to kill it without any issue. The only hesitation is a bit of embarrassment that "Oh no, it misinterpreted my feelings as attraction, if the party finds this it'll lead to a HUGE misunderstanding. This could ruin my friendships, I need to immediately kill it and hide the body." That gives it enough time to convince him "hey, it's impossible to resist a succubus, so obviously I'm not a succubus right?" And it works because he knows that yes, nobody can resist a succubus charm. Except apparently him. Even trying again by combining his thoughts with his all time favorite monster didn't daze him like it did the others. It had to convince him that it could turn him INTO a monster, and that everyone else was ok with it too, to get him to hesitantly submit to being drained. They didn't have to reason with marcielle or chilchuck, but lust just didn't work with Laios, not as a person or as a monster. It's like how nobody gets panty shots except Senshi. it's a subversion joke. There are quite a few in this series, especially ones centered on Laios.

[seireitonin]

heyy, i am huge fan of creepypasta (espacially Toby), so could u make headcannons about him in relationship in his 30's? Btw i love your content and follow u on tt :3

I’m so sorry I’m just now getting to this! I get distracted and I’m not on tumblr a lot! Anyway thank you for your patience and support!!

Dating Toby in his 30s

Dating Toby was hard already

With his mood swings, cocky behavior and detachment despite him loving you so much

This was BEFORE he got captured

Now that he escaped the mental institution and is more traumatized than he already was….its worse

He clings to you now more than ever, scared to lose you

Scared you don’t love him anymore, although he’ll never say it

Why?

He got captured. It’s humiliating, embarrassing to him. A hit to his ego

So he’s kinda insecure about the way you view him. He doesn’t want to look weak or helpless in front of you. He’s supposed to be protecting you

He’s also much more possessive and protective over you, so scared something is gonna take you from him

Getting him to eat food has been a challenge

Getting him to do anything but lay in bed and stare at a wall has been a challenge

You thought he was unstable before? That’s worse too

Every single noise makes him jump

He’s so paranoid never able to relax

Some nights he’ll stand in the corner talking to the wall, unblinking. It’s what he did at the mental institution

You’ll have to lead him back to bed and hold him until he eventually snaps out of it

Even then he’ll never be the person he was before he got captured

Your Toby is gone

He’s much more moody and aggressive

“What the fuck are you coddling me for? You think I’m weak?”

“No. I dont. I’m worried about you”

He wouldn’t talk to you like that before. You know he doesn’t mean it

He used to love when you cared about him, when you held him

Toby can’t stand the feeling of being at another mercy or weak. It’s how he felt when he was being abused by his dad and being at the mercy of his captors brought back that feeling

Has more tic attacks because he has fears/ thoughts and hallucinations about being back in that place. His anxiety is constantly off the charts too, he’s gone back to chewing the skin off his fingers

His tics were less frequent before he got captured but now they’re constant, his tic attacks coming in harder and more frequent than ever

His tics are just straight up begging and screaming sometimes. Those are the noises he would make in the mental institution and they’re permanently part of his tics now

He hates it. Hates that you have to hear that

But you’re understanding and support him anyway

He loves the fact that you’re so understanding. He loves you

He can’t believe he was ever apart from you

He got captured protecting you

You were both surrounded, he pretended that he kidnapped you and that you were his next victim

To be fair he did kidnap you but you were never his victim

“I’m sorry I have to do this” he said as he cupped your face in his hands and looked into your eyes

“What-“

He grabbed you, putting you in a headlock choking you tightly, hearing the police come

Toby whispered aggressively in your ear as he squeezed your throat so the police would believe that you were his victim, not his lover

“Don’t say a word and listen to me. When they ask questions, you don’t fucking know me. I kidnapped you. I was going to kill you. You were trying to escape and I found you. You don’t remember anything. Do you fucking hear me? When they let you go, you go back to our cabin and you fucking lay low. Don’t come look for me. Don’t you fucking dare”

He had never been serious with you like that before as he gave you a story to tell and instructions in your ear

It scared you. As if you just remembered that he was a murderer and could just end you if he wanted although you knew he wouldn’t hurt you

The police surrounded you both soon after and he held the blade of his hatchet to your throat as he kept you in a headlock

“Come any closer and I’ll kill this bitch!” He screamed out making you truly look like a victim

After a standoff and you safely being handed over to the police and being put in the back of an ambulance, Toby got cuffed and shoved in the back of a police car

You exchanged a final glance, as you fought back tears to not look suspicious as you watched the man you love get taken away from you to an unknown fate

Its another reason you’ll never leave his side

He sacrificed himself and what little sanity he had to keep you safe

He told you about everything they did to him there. The experiments, the abuse and him being seen as less than human, the straight jackets, the metal mussel they had on him at all times, the padded room, having to hear people talk to him about his past from his abuse to the murder of his father to working for what they thought was a fictional being called Slenderman

Everyone looked at him with fear. With his many kills under his belt and his unpredictable nature

Hearing all of it fills you with guilt

He went through all that because he loves you

So you’ll never leave him. How could you ever? After what he did for you

Toby wakes up screaming at night sometimes, thinking he’s back in the institution or having a vivid dream about it

He’ll pull on his hair and his tics become violent and he thrashes

You just rub his back “it’s okay. I’m here. You’re here. You’re safe”

He feels bad after it’s over every time but it comes out like aggression because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable

“I know. I’m not stupid.”

He’s grateful. He is. Truthfully he’s scared and anxious but he’ll never tell you.

But you already know and you still love him

He loves you too, just give him time to readjust and he’ll try his best to get better for you again but that won’t be for a long time

You miss your Toby.

Your playful,upbeat, cocky and obnoxious Toby.

He wasn’t perfect but he was yours

Now you feel guilt when you look at him

“Toby…do you hate me?”

“No”

“You’re lying to me aren’t you”

“No! Why are you saying that?!”

“Because I feel like it’s my fault you got captured! I’m the reason that you went through that!”

He looks at you, blankly “no. You’re not the reason. It probably would’ve eventually happened regardless. I just did what I had to do to protect you. That’s it. So don’t say anything stupid like that to me ever again. I didn’t go through that for nothing. I did it for you.”

You tear up and for the first time in months, you hold each other. He holds you. And you hold him and he feels good. You missed him.

He takes you in, remembering how much he loves you. Going through all that for you and being able to keep you safe was enough for him

You love each other despite these horrible circumstances and the new problems that came from this

He lets you run your hands through his hair while your in bed together like he used to before

He’s starting to hold you again

He’s still not 100% his old self and most likely never will be, but he’s trying his best

Because he needs you now more than ever

And you will always be here

[seuonji]

彡 the lyrics — choi seungcheol

—in which fans find out yn’s lyrics are about someone they know. not even her fellow members knew this but anyways, now their concern is, who’s the lyrics about?

part 1 ๑ part 2 ๑ part 3 ๑ part 4 ๑ part 5

song inspo— cheetah by deux visages

genre ๑ fluff & crack

notes ๑ band au! short smau. written chapter + some social media captures + a fun fact at the end!!

word count ๑ 1k

you came back from the washroom, swinging your hands to dry them, “wanna watch a movie or play a game?” you asked.

seungcheol was seated on your desk chair, still on his phone. if you peeked over you’d be able to see him typing gibberish in his chat with jeonghan and joshua. in his head, he thought of 30 different ways he could run away from this situation, but he knew if he left your place tonight without doing anything right now, he’d regret it.

“cheol?” you sat on your bed just across him.

“huh sorry?” he closed his phone.

“what do you wanna do?”

cheol knew what he wanted to say but also he didn’t.

but it suddenly spilled out.

“the lyrics,” he looked directly at you.

your heart dropped, “what about it?”

“who are they about? we were talking about it earlier but you never answered properly,” he recalled. you’ve never heard him speak with so much uncertainty before.

he saw the look of hesitation you had on your face. “what bad will it do if you reveal it,” he laughed softly trying to fill the silence.

it could go very bad. it could cost you your band, your career but that’s not what the problem was. it was bad because it could cost you your friendship with the person you cared about the most.

but what could you do about it, the cat was practically out the bag at this point.

“you,” you stiffly blurted.

you’d think cheol’s heart would start racing from hearing that but it’s been racing since he came to your place.

he covered his mouth, hiding his reaction. it’s the same reaction he had when he read the ‘cheol’ written in your diary, not like you’d know. “the lyrics are about me?” he asked to make sure but on your side, the words felt like a huge slap on your face.

you nodded in response.

“even our last song?”

“all of them are about you.”

that’s all he needed to hear to regain his confidence. of course he wasn’t happy to know the last song was about him, however with knowing the many other songs that exist in your discography was also about him, it felt a little good.

he rushed into a hug with you. you two stayed like that until he spoke again. “so you liked me?” he asked, still hugging you.

you didn’t answer so he parted from the hug. he kneeled on the floor and faced you, cupping your hands in his, “sorry that was a bold question.”

you were frozen still but his words thawed you,

“i’ll be honest, i like you, i like you so much, i like you right now and i’m sorry i never made that clear. after listening to the lyrics of our latest song, it feels like i’ve blown my chances with you.”

you finally looked at him in the eyes. “blown your chances?” you repeated confused.

“oh, do i still have a chance? does that means you still like me?”

cheol took note of the way you were quieter than usual. he gets it, it’s a hard topic to talk about but he wanted to get the ball rolling. he felt, there was a chance for you two. he saw something in your eyes, something that said you weren’t ready to let go of what could be and he felt the same way.

“damn, you can admit the songs are about me but you can’t admit you like me?“ he joked.

you chuckled softly, “some things are easier said in other forms.”

he smiled at your indirect confession but he still had more he wanted to understand. “well that last song you wrote sounds like you were getting tired of the person. as much as i love the song, how did you wind up writing those lyrics?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“i don’t know, you never made a move or showed any interest. but looking at it now, it’s my fault, i took it too quickly as a rejection.”

he placed his forehead on your hands, “it’s not your fault, we both were running away from what was just right in front of us.”

“yea,” you whispered quietly, agreeing with what he said.

his head was still rested on you and he continued, “i don’t know if you still like me, especially not after our last song but if ever you have even the slightest bit of feelings left or even none! i want to give you my all.”

you felt so weak and overwhelmed from all that was happening. for you, it was going too fast but something told you, it all might turn out okay.

you placed your head on his, “first, let me recover from all the heartburn.”

his head perked up, “huh?”

“i still like you but you dropped a bomb on me. let me recover,” you sat on the floor with him, still having your hands in his.

“you’ve been dropping bombs on me since 2 years ago!?” he squeezed your hands, implying the lyrics were the bombs.

“that is such an invalid comeback, also, 2 years and you only noticed now! honestly you didn’t even notice, you had to find out from our fans that the lyrics were about you!” you squeezed back.

“you daydream alot the lyrics couldve been those fake scenarios you make in your head,” he said moving his face closer to yours.

that line sounded too familiar.

“have you discussed this who my lyrics were about with jeonghan and joshua?”

“no. why? should i?”

“no.” you firmly said.

he just nodded and didn’t question it. regardless, he was too fulfilled with the current situation.

there was a long pause until cheol broke the silence.

“so after you recover, we can date?” he asked, tilting his head.

“yea sure.”

“also you have to tell me your thought process of all the lyrics you’ve written.”

you grunted at the request and laid on his lap, “don’t push your luck, if you can’t understand the songs that means you don’t pay enough attention when we’re together.” he scoffed and laughed, “you use hidden meanings and metaphors, it is not my fault if i can’t understand them!”

+

๑ cheol has asked you the meanings of your lyrics before but when he felt like the lyrics were starting to seem like they were about jeonghan, he stopped asking.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 1: Don't Be A Stranger

Masterlist - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

But if (my) world was ending, you'd come over right?

(In which UCLA anon's roman empire became this writer's roman empire and we've finally reached the beginning)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and a little bit of Fluff

Words: 8.4 K (other parts will be shorter....maybe)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Gonna keep this as short and sweet as possible but we've finally, finally gotten to the UCLA fic. A huge shout out to UCLA anon, because this is their master idea. Couple of things, I've never been to LA or UCLA and therefore some things are out of whack. The timeline is also a little out of whack but I swear I will try to keep it as consistent as possible. In the mean time, just ignore some of the inconsistencies pretty please. As always, feel free to let me know what's bad, what's good and what else you'd like to see. I hope y'all enjoy this first part and let's get another W today!

August 2021

where are you 

i literally have to be at the airport in an hour paige where are you 

dude 

are you on your way?

you better be driving and that’s why you’re not answering 

PAIGE

i’m sorry about last night i shouldn’t have said that 

but you said a lot of shit too so call it even?

this isn’t funny where are you?

i have to leave in 15 mins 

are you actually not coming?

wtf????

this is actually bullshit

get over yourself bueckers 

wow 

fuck you

just landed 

thought you might like to know 

sorry my plane didn’t crash i guess 

September 2021

dude enough okay 

can you just call me back??

i just wanna talk 

i know you're mad i get it but i miss you   

November 2021 

hi i’mma be in dc over christmas

nvm 

idk why i’m trying again  

maybe i should block you 

this is kinda pathetic of me what the fuck 

December 2021

i thought i saw you today but idk

couldn’t have been you cause if it was 

would you really not even say hi?

i’m done trying paige 

merry christmas i guess

March 2022 

i misz you 

lyke a wot

love uuuuu pppppp

even if ur a bwtich 

pkese pick up 

ignore that 

people drunk text exes apparently i drunk text you 

wait 

i don’t need to tell you that 

you already ignore it all anyways

 

August 2022 

i heard about the acl 

i’m sorry 

idk if it means anything, but if you wanna talk

nvm 

***

September 2022 

When the doorbell rings, on a quiet Thursday afternoon during a rare moment of alone time, Paige expects it to be a lot of people. One of her parents deciding that they actually weren’t going to leave her alone. Someone else in her family showing up out of the blue to provide comfort. Maybe one of her teammates popping up to keep her entertained. She even thinks it might be some random fan who got too invested and figured out the address for her air BnB. It’s the saddest testament to how broken they are, that the idea of it being Azzi Fudd standing outside her door, never once crosses her mind. But there she is, when Paige opens the door, dressed in ripped jean shorts and a light blue tank top, the girl that had been her best friend, and maybe a little bit more. 

Silence stretches between them as Azzi fidgets with her hands and Paige continues to stoically stare at her. It’s been almost a year since they’ve seen each other, even longer since they’d last shared a happy smile. And you’d have to go back to before she’d told her about her future plans, to find the last time Azzi had properly looked Paige in the eyes.  

“Hi,” Azzi says finally, mustering up a small smile. Paige doesn’t know if hearing that voice, soft and subdued but still so familiar, fixes a crack or breaks her heart even further. She wills herself to be polite in response, to match Azzi’s polite greeting with a greeting of her own. But there’s clear discord between her mouth and her head, because her words are harsh and hollowed. 

“What are you doing here?”

Azzi swallows, smile disappearing as she immediately digs her fingernails into her palms and Paige feels the guilt settle into her stomach. It’s like the night before all over again. If she closes her eyes, Paige can still hear her voice loudly echoing in Azzi’s childhood bedroom. She can hear the angry words that she’d hurled at her best friend, each one like a well-aimed arrow piercing the other’s girl's heart and tearing into Paige’s own soul. Some would call what she’d done self-preservation. She’d call it her biggest mistake. 

“I um-,” Azzi sucks in her bottom lip, “I was in the area and thought, maybe I’d check in.”

“How did you even know where I was?” Paige hates how cold and accusatory her voice sounds. It’s a version of herself she doesn’t quite know how to deal with, one that hasn’t ever appeared for anyone other than the girl in front of her, “I know I didn’t tell you.”

Any semblance of calm is gone from Azzi’s face, as she seems to realise that she’s not going to be getting any cordiality from her old friend. 

 “And we’re off to a great start,” she mutters under her breath before replying to Paige’s exact question, “no you didn’t. Your dad-”

“You talked to my dad?”

“Yeah. I mean you know Drew looks up to Jon and José so much and they still talk and stuff and he came over- Drew I mean- and then your dad was there and we just got to talking and you came up and yeah. He told me and well I live here, kinda, so I thought- well I thought maybe you’d like some company?”

As Azzi’s rambling explanation comes to an end, Paige doesn’t miss the tinge of hopefulness in her voice at the last bit. The younger girl shuffles her feet, as she stares at the blonde expectantly. 

“I don’t-” Paige struggles to draw in a breath as the voices in her head argue, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her words are met with silence as Azzi stares at her blankly. 

“I- you,” she blinks rapidly, clearly at a loss for what to say at the blatant rejection, “I can’t come in?”

“It’s just- I’ve had a lot of people visit you know,” Paige bullshits, suddenly feeling very exhausted, “and my family were here a couple days and my friends are coming soon and-”

“And I’m neither of those things,” Azzi says, her tone low and breathy. 

“That’s not what-”

“It is,” Azzi closes her eyes for a brief second, when she opens them, the flash of hurt in them feels like a dagger through Paige’s chest, “it is like that and it is what you meant and it’s- it’s fine.”

“Az-” Paige chokes out, feeling her lungs collapse when the other girl moves to leave, “please,” and she’s not even sure she’s asking for, but it’s not this. It’s never been this.

Azzi stops and when she turns back around, there’s a determined look on her face.

“I just-” she rubs her face, composing herself before focusing her eyes on Paige, “you’re the strongest person I know. And you’re going to come back from this, better than ever. I know it. The whole world knows it. Because you’re Paige Bueckers. You’re something else.  You’re the hardest worker, you’re just- you’re the best.”

“You don’t-”

“Just- just let me finish okay and then, then I’ll go or whatever but Paige, you’re all of those things you know? Strong, brave, the best fucking player- but, it’s also okay if sometimes-, if sometimes you aren’t. It’s okay because this- this is hard, I know it is. So if sometimes you’re not strong or-, or brave- or not feeling like working hard- it’s okay. And if there are moments where you- where you want to give up, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you- it doesn’t make you any less than what you are. It just makes you human, and it’s okay you know- to be human. It’s okay if- if you hurt and it’s okay if you’re not okay. It’s- it’s okay.”

The two girls stare at each other, eyes shining with tears, as Paige let’s Azzi’s words wash over her. She’s been told a lot of platitudes about her injury, from her coaches to her teammates to her family. And she knows she has plenty of people in her corner, who root for her and who genuinely do believe she’ll have the greatest comeback ever. But the motivational speeches get draining after a while and all she’s wanted to do for the last couple of weeks is wallow. Then she felt guilty about wallowing, that little voice in her head yelling at her to be productive and work on getting back to herself because that’s what everybody expected. Paige hadn’t even realised how badly she needed someone to give her permission to not be okay, not until the only person who’d ever known that part of her, had finally said the words she so desperately needed to hear.

The thing is, when she was younger, Paige used to keep everything bottled inside. She’d always been hyper aware of her privilege and her problems had always just seemed so insignificant in front of her parents’ or her friends. So she’d kept them to herself, trapping herself in a web of her own burdens that sometimes threatened to strangle her. And then she’d met a girl at a USA basketball camp when she was 15, a girl who had gently flicked her fingers and Paige’s walls had fallen like dominoes. She hadn’t even known she was drowning, until Azzi had shown up with a lifeboat.

“I just-,” Azzi breaks Paige out of her trance by breaking the eye contact between them, “I didn’t know if anybody had said that to you yet and I just- I wanted you to hear it.”

In the span of a minute, a thousand and one phrases take birth in Paige’s mind and then die on the tip of her tongue. She opens and closes her mouth, trying to express even one of the myriad of emotions that are swirling like a tornado in her brain. But nothing comes out except a litany of incomprehensible noises. And Azzi seems to find the wrong answer in the silence, giving the blonde a timid nod. 

“Take care of yourself P,” her voice catches on the familiar nickname, as she shoots Paige a sad smile, before beginning to walk away. When Azzi chose UCLA, she’d lit Paige's heart on fire. So, Paige had drowned their friendship. And while all this time Azzi has struggled to breathe, Paige has burned but god, is she so fucking tired of it. 

“Fuck, Azzi wait,” Paige curses, hobbling to catch up to the brunette, who stops with a sigh but doesn’t make a move to return. Stubborn as always, Paige thinks, continuing her way over. When she does catch up, she’s not fully sure what to say and so,  “I uh- I’m out of milk.”

Azzi raises her eyebrows in question, crossing her arms protectively around her chest. 

“I can’t drive,” Paige explains slowly, “or walk obviously.”

Realisation dawns on Azzi’s face, ���you’re asking me to drive you to the grocery store?”

“I guess,” Paige shrugs, trying to be nonchalant. 

“Seems like the kind of favour someone asks of their family, or their friends,” Azzi emphasises bitterly, never one to let go of an opportunity for sarcasm. 

Paige flinches, “right, I kinda deserved that one.”

She gets a raised eyebrow in response that very much says “ya think?”

“I’m trying here,” she says quietly, and Azzi’s hard demeanour softens, “I’m raising a white flag Az, calling a truce or whatever but it kinda needs to go both ways.” 

“What do you think me coming here was supposed to be?” the younger girl says exasperatedly, but she’s smiling again. It’s the third one Paige has gotten out of her today, and finally, she smiles back. They look a little foolish, standing in the apartment hallway, cheshire-cat-grinning at each other like idiots, but it feels like something has clicked into place again.  

“I’ll go grab my wallet, you go heat up the car.”

“It’s like 110 degrees dude.”

“Bro shut up, you know what I mean,” Paige huffs and when it makes Azzi laugh, she feels like she’s floating. It’s not as if she hasn’t been happy in a year because won’t you look at that, her world did keep turning after that one decision. But this is different. She feels airy and light, like she could jump off a cliff and fly instead of fall. 

“Well hurry up, I have things to do outside of just being your chauffeur.”

“Poor passenger princess, how the roles have reversed,” Paige mocks and it earns her an ever so familiar fond eye roll and for the first time in a year, she feels free. 

***

When she gets downstairs, Azzi’s leaning against her car door, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes. The hot California sun shines brightly against her tan skin, and Paige’s heart stutters because fuck, Azzi is golden. She looks every bit reminiscent of the girl Paige still has memorised and yet, every bit the promise of a girl Paige wants to learn by heart. 

“Nice car,” Paige smirks, alerting the younger girl of her presence.  

“It does the job,” Azzi says, looking up with a smile of her own, opening the passenger door for Paige to get in, “not all of us are raking in NIL deals to get the big guns, but we make do.”

“Steph Curry brand ambassador say what now?” the blonde girl teases as she slides into the car. When she looks up, Azzi’s frozen in place, “what?”

“Nothing I just-” she’s wearing sunglasses, but Paige knows Azzi's trying to avert her gaze, “I’m kinda surprised you know that.”

It’s Paige’s turn to look away, their newfound comfort giving away to that old awkwardness, “I keep up with most basketball news.”

To Azzi’s credit she doesn’t push. Instead, she makes her way into the driver seat without another sound. She’s about to connect her phone to the aux but Paige beats her to it. 

“Hey,” Azzi squeals, making grabby hands, “my car, my rules, my music.”

“Nuh-uh injury privileges,” Paige gloats, sticking out her tongue. 

“That’s not a thing.”

“Is too.”

“Fine, we’ll listen to your crap music.”

“I resent that,” Paige retorts, as Drake blasts through the speakers. The sound of it makes Azzi groan, and she dramatically bangs her head against the steering wheel. Paige spends the rest of the car ride singing at the top of her lungs. Azzi spends the rest of the car ride alternating between shaking her head and joining in with the singing. It’s like they’re back in 2020 all over again, back before they found themselves in the whirlwind of life, back when they were just Paige and Azzi.

*** 

Their trip inside the grocery store takes less time than the ride to get there, even if Paige takes her time dilly-dallying in the dairy section, pretending she’s going to get anything other than just regular milk. She’s overly conscious of the fact that their time together might be coming to an end, that this time she might actually have to deal with saying goodbye. But she’s not ready to go back to missing Azzi just yet. 

“Maybe you can show me your dorm,” she says quietly, once they're both back in the car, playing with the hem of her shirt. Beside her, Azzi draws in a sharp intake of breath, clearly not having expected Paige to want that of all things. In all honesty, the idea of stepping into the world that had stolen Azzi from her is not all that appealing to Paige but she wants to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer. 

“You wanna see my dorm?” 

“A chance to see how the non-blue blood peasants live? I’d never pass it up.”

“Non blue blood,” Azzi scoffs, "Ever heard of John Wooden?”

“I was talking about women’s basketball but yeah I have heard of him. I won the award last year. Over you,” Paige smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Not everyone’s a phenom their freshman year,” Azzi retorts fondly, unable to mask the hint of pride in her voice. 

“Well we’ll see this year-” Paige stops herself, cold seeping into her lungs, as she remembers why she’s in the stupid state of California in the first place. The lighthearted mood in the car goes tumbling out the window as her words hang like a dagger in the air. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, trying to wrap that one syllable in comfort. She reaches out to touch the blonde’s shoulder but must think better of it because her hand hovers mid-air for a second, before she pulls it back. Paige is suddenly hyper aware of the fact they haven’t touched yet. It’s a reminder of the fact that whatever progress they’ve made today, there’s still so much they haven’t even begun to unpack. 

“It’s fine,” Paige’s voice is steely, “just drive.”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, before simply nodding and starting the ignition. She’s clearly holding back and Paige doesn’t know how to feel about it. There’s a part of her that wants Azzi to push her to talk like she would before, but there's another part of her that knows this new rope they’re trying to string between them is fragile. 

They ride in silence to Azzi’s apartment, both of them too caught up in their own thoughts to bother with music this time. As the UCLA campus nears, Paige can’t help but hate it just a little bit. She’s aware she’s being petty. Acting like Storrs, Connecticut is some hub of beauty is probably a stretch of the imagination for anyone but she’s determined to dislike this place out of principle.

“Hmm not too shabby but like where’s the fucking cows?” Paige jokes, as the car comes to a stop in front of Azzi’s apartment building. She steps out gingerly, pretending to inspect her surroundings, making tsk-tsk noises at the most random things. 

“I’ve seen your apartment Bueckers, don’t even try,” Azzi retorts. 

It shouldn’t surprise Paige to see one of Azzi’s teammates when they enter her living room. It’s just like UConn really in the sense that there’s always someone there when you walk in but something about seeing Charisma Osborne just chilling in Azzi’s space suddenly makes it more real that the younger girl is definitely a UCLA Bruin. 

“Oh,” Charisma gives Paige a once-over, clearly not having expected to see her, “hi Paige.”

Paige waves, shuffling her weight on her crutches, unsure what to say. It’s not like she doesn’t know Charisma, they’ve literally won a gold medal together for USA basketball. She’s even met the girl a couple of times after and she likes her, she does. But her bitter brain is focused on the fact that this is one of those girls who had gotten Azzi as their teammate, one of the girls who got to see Azzi everyday. All things Paige had not gotten. 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing company Az,” Charisma says pointedly, looking at Azzi and Paige bristles at the use of the nickname. She’s being all sorts of ridiculous but at least she’s self-aware of it. 

“Last minute decisions,” Azzi replies airily. The two girls lock eyes and Paige can tell they’re having some sort of unspoken conversation and now the green-eyed envy monster is out in full force. 

“I insisted on seeing her dorm,” she says finally, breaking into whatever staring competition the two UCLA guards are having. 

“It’s not a problem,” Charisma reassures, standing up from her position on the couch, and coming over to give Paige a tentative hug, “I just didn’t know you were coming. But it’s good to see you, Paige.”

“Yeah,” Paige tries to muster up a proper smile as she leans in to return the hug but it comes out more like a grimace, “you too.”

“We’re gonna go chill in my room,” Azzi says, beckoning to one of the doors in the hallways and Paige obediently follows her, waving a half-hearted goodbye to Charisma. She’s secretly pleased to have Azzi back to herself. 

The room is nothing out of the ordinary except it has Azzi all over it. She’s in the pink comforter that is thrown haphazardly over a clearly not made bed. She’s in the unicorn plushies laid delicately over a dark blue couch. She’s in the little flower stickers that outline the mirror on the far side of the room. There’s a wall dedicated solely to pictures and fairy lights on one side and Paige is immediately drawn to it. A familiar ache reverberates in her chest as her eyes flicker over the pictures of Azzi’s family. She’s missed them. Then there’s the photographs of Azzi in her UCLA uniform, her teammates surrounding her and Paige has to resist the dangerous urge to rip those off the wall. Be happy for her happiness, the logical part of her brain yells, not seeming to realise she’d left any chance of that in the dirt a year ago. As she tears her eyes away from those offending pictures, they land instead on a whole other set of photographs and she feels her heart catch in her throat. 

It’s a set of three images of her and Azzi, taken at various moments. Paige brushes her thumb against the one of the two of them with their arms around each other at the Minnesota  state fair. Azzi’s beaming at the camera and Paige is beaming at Azzi. They look so young, so naive, so happy. 

“I’m on your wall,” Paige breathes out, turning to face her best friend, “Fuck, I’m on you wall.”

“Of course you are,” Azzi affirms, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world but she shuffles nervously, giving away the reality behind her stable demeanour. 

“I never answered your texts. I didn’t call you back,” Paige lists quietly as the first tear falls from her eyes; she’s been holding them back all day, “and I’m on your fucking wall.”

Azzi looks away, unsure how to deal with the fact that apparently they’re no longer tip-toeing around the past. She doesn’t know how to tell the blonde that there had never really been a second thought about whether or not those photos were going up on the wall.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs finally, “you’re my best friend. You’re always gonna be my best friend. Ride or die right?”

“Ride or die,” Paige repeats in a whisper before she all but throws herself at Azzi, practically moulding herself into the younger girl’s body. Caught off guard, Azzi stiffens for a second, before relaxing into it. It’s late outside and the sun has set, but in this moment, the world shines the brightest it has in a year as two stubborn girls finally find their way home to each other. 

***

That night, Azzi asks her tentatively if she wants to stay over and of course Paige agrees. Lying awake next to a familiar stranger, she lets herself finally remember the day things had first started unravelling.

November 2020

“You’ll probably get one of the upstairs apartments, so we probably won’t actually be living together which is good because can you imagine if I had to see your goofy ass 24/7?” Paige puts a dramatic hand to her forehead, as she leads Azzi into her room.

She’s too caught up in her excitement having Azzi at UConn, and planning what’ll happen next year, to notice that the girl in question isn’t participating at all in her enthusiasm. Paige has been waiting for what feels like a year (in reality it’s only been a few months) to finally have her best friend come visit. The minute the car had pulled up, she’d taken it upon herself to start her sales pitch all over again, missing the sympathetic smiles she’d gotten from the rest of the Fudd family as she pulled Azzi away to show her the glories of the campus. 

“Did you see my assist to Christyn today?” Paige gloats, falling onto her bed with a smirk. 

“It was pretty great,” Azzi concedes. 

“It was fucking perfect thank you very much. I set her up perfectly, exactly how she likes it.”

“Right.”

“And then did you see how excited the team was for her? For everyone? Never gonna find a greater group of girls.”

“They seem wonderful P.”

Paige furrows her eyebrows as she catches Azzi still lingering by the door instead of joining her on the bed. The brunette fidgets with the sleeve of her sweater, chewing on her lips.

“Are you allergic to my bed?” Paige waits for some smartass response. When she doesn’t get one, she frowns, instincts going haywire, “Az, you good?”

“I- '' Azzi looks away, swallowing nervously, “I need to tell you something and I- I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.” 

“You get a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something in the last few months that I don’t know about?” She says it light-heartedly enough, but the thought of it sends a sharp sting through Paige’s heart. In hindsight, she thinks maybe she could have dealt with it having been that. 

“What? No. Just- just don’t- dont take it personally okay. Like you can be upset about it but- but don’t hold it against me yeah? My parents- they said- they said you’d get it. You’d be upset but you’d- you’d get it because you- you get me right?”

Paige’s chest hammers as she watches the younger girl draw in a deep breath, “you’re scaring the shit out of me right now.”

“I’mcommittingtoUCLA” Azzi says all in one breath, the words blending together. 

She’s sure she’s heard it wrong. There’s no way. After all this time, after all their conversations, all the pitches, how hard she had worked, there was no way this was going to be the end to all of Paige’s efforts. 

“What?” she whispers, crossing her fingers that she has in fact misheard. 

When Azzi averts her eyes, she knows she hasn’t, “I’m committing to UCLA.”

The first time Paige and Azzi met was somewhat awkward, what with Azzi’s shyness and Paige being slightly overeager to make a new friend. When they’d become bus buddies, they’d progressed to being casual acquaintances who could small talk and share smiles. And then the flight back to Minnesota happened and everything had changed. Every moment after was filled with conversation or laughs or a comfortable silence. Until this one, where the sudden silence between them foreshadows an ominous future.

“Say something,” Azzi says finally, her voice shaking. 

Paige stares at her for a second before, “you named your dog Stewie.”

“What?”

“You named your dog Stewie. After Breanna Stewart who played at UConn. It’s not-” Paige wracks her brain, hands flying animatedly “it’s not Meyers or something, after someone who played at fucking UCLA. You named your dog after a UConn great. How are you going to take him to UCLA with you?”

Azzi stares at her, clearly not having expected that level of questioning of all things. Who could blame her when Paige herself feels a little insane. 

“This is a joke right? You’re fucking with me? Ha ha ha very funny,” she claps deliriously,  “hilarious prank seriously, like hats off you’ve outdone yourself but enough okay? Say sike right fucking now.”

Azzi makes a strangled noise, “it’s not a joke Paige. That’s- that’s my decision.”

“Then change it,” Paige yells, catapulting off the bed.

“Paige-”

“Have you told UCLA yet?”

“I wanted to tell my family and you first.”

“Oh wow, how kind of you. How fucking generous of you to do that Azzi,” Paige bites back sarcastically and Azzi flinches. 

In a flash, Paige’s expression goes from angry to desperate, “you still have time to change your mind . Please just- just think about it again okay? You still have so much time and you know what, stay here for a couple more days. Spend time with the team, with the coaches, with me and you’ll see-. UCLA just sounds nice you know? California, the sun, I get it, of course it’s tempting. But just- just stay here okay? And you’ll see this is where you belong,” she leaves the, with me, unsaid. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s voice cracks. She takes a step toward her and then pauses. It’s the first time in a long time that Azzi’s hesitated when it comes to Paige. It won’t be the last. And when she looks at Paige through her long eyelashes, tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes, Paige knows she’s lost. 

“No,” she’s pacing now, chest heaving up and down in a combination of frustration, anger and misery, “this is not fucking happening. We’re not doing this. I made you a whole recruitment video. Did you watch it? Do you know how long it took me to make it? Has the last year been a fucking joke to you?”

“Of course not-”

“Don’t even. Because clearly- clearly it has. Must’ve been hilarious watching me beg and plead with you when you already fucking knew you were going to committ somewhere else.”

“That’s not fair,”  Azzi’s voice rises at the accusation, “I had no idea where I was going until a couple of weeks ago. You can’t seriously think that low of me.”

“Not fair? You know what’s not fair, Azzi? We’ve been talking about playing together, about finally being on the same team, the same fucking state, for years. What’s not fair is you throwing all of that away on a whim.”

“I’m not committing to UCLA on a whim. This is my whole future we’re talking about. You don’t even know how much thought I’ve put into it. And I’m choosing what’s best for me. You can’t hold that against me Paige. You can’t.”

They stand on opposite sides of the room, taking in harsh staggered breaths and glaring at each other. The tension in the room is electric as the string connecting them frays. Paige and Azzi bicker, they don’t argue. Or at least, that’s how it used to be. 

“Az?” their stare down is broken by a knock on the door as Katie Fudd lets herself in. Immediately, as she stares between her daughter and the girl who’d become just as important, Katie knows what has happened, “we’re going back to the air BnB, are you staying here?”

The answer should be obvious, like it used to be. Of course she would stay here. It was meant to be a no-brainer. But before Azzi can say that, Paige intervenes and the string snaps. 

“She’s going with you,” the blonde says firmly, before turning her back. She won’t let Azzi see the tears, she won’t. For her part, the brunette stares at Paige’s back silently for a couple of seconds, before a mask of determination slips on. 

“Fine. If that’s what you fucking want,” Azzi sneers before brushing past her mom, eager to get away and hide her own tears. 

When Paige turns back around, Katie is already looking at her. The older woman walks the length of the room and pulls the younger girl into a hug that she readily melts into. Paige sniffles as Azzi’s mom soothingly rubs her back. 

“We’re driving back tomorrow morning,” Katie whispers quietly into Paige’s hair, “I know you’re mad sweetheart but come say goodbye okay?”

And she does. She shows up with only half an hour or so remaining before Azzi leaves, but Paige shows up. They hug stiffly, exchanging maybe a sentence or two but in that moment it’s enough. They’ll call later when Azzi gets home and it’ll be awkward for a little bit but they’ll break through. They’ll figure out a way to go on without having to talk about the “big thing”. They’ll hold on as long as they can, until they can’t anymore. 

***

September 2022

After the night Paige stays over at Azzi’s apartment, they're attached at the hip for the next few weeks, just like old times. They’ve fallen into a routine of sorts. Azzi shows up without fail every day after practice to pick Paige up from her rehab, and then the rest of the younger girl’s time is Paige’s. The first time she’d seen the brunette leaning casually against her car, Paige had had to stop herself from jumping into her arms. She’d played it as nonchalant as possible, joking about Azzi being stalker, but inside, she could feel it again, the dangerously familiar tap of this is all I’ll ever need. 

On days Paige doesn’t have rehab, Azzi still shows up right on time on her doorstep with a board game or food or something.  It’s gotten to the point where every time the doorbell rings, Paige opens it expecting Azzi. The couple times it’s not, she tries and fails to hide the disappointment on her face. It earns her an eye roll from the delivery guy but it’s worth it for the laugh it elicits from Azzi when she tells her the story. They fall back together as if they’d never fallen apart. And what’s more terrifying than finding out that she’d never truly gotten over old Azzi, is realising how easy it would be to fall in love with new Azzi. 

When Caroline, Nika and Piath come to visit the weekend after, all three of them can immediately tell that something's changed. Their teammate seems lighter, as if she’s finally found a sense of calm. But their incessant prodding and raised eyebrows are only met with shrugs from a tight-lipped Paige. It isn’t until Azzi calls, and Nika snatches the phone out of Paige’s hands, gasping at the callerID, that they finally figure out why their point guard has a new kick in her step. 

“You should invite her out with us tonight,” Caroline is the first to speak, giving Paige an encouraging smile. 

“Carol,” Nika hisses, “we can’t just invite the enemy.”

“She’s not the enemy,” Paige defends immediately, “we don’t even have a rivalry with UCLA.”

Nika scoffs indignantly, “of course she is. She picked a different school over us. Over UConn! That’s weird. Who even does that?”

“Lots of people do,” Caroline, who occasionally texts Azzi (albeit she’s kept that somewhat of a secret), supplies helpfully, shrugging when the Croatian glares at her. 

Piath nudges Paige when she notices the other girl has gone quiet, “ignore Nika. She doesn’t mean it, you know that. If you wanna invite her, invite her.” 

And she does, she wants to so badly. It’s insane really because it hasn’t even been a full day since they’d last seen each other but Paige swears something inside her has been missing since. There’s something awfully terrifying about letting Azzi back into the UConn version of her world, the world that the younger girl had once rejected. Still, if they’re going to try this again, she supposes sooner or later, it’ll have to happen. 

“Put her on speaker,” Nika orders when Paige grabs her phone back from her. 

“Nika,” Caroline, younger only by age, warns, pulling the other girl away, “we’re supposed to be cheering her up, not making life harder.”

Azzi answers on the third ring, her voice teasing  “miss me already?”

Yes, Paige thinks, sometimes I think I miss you even when you’re right here next to me, sometimes I think I’ll miss you forever. But she doesn’t say any of that. 

“Not a chance,” she scoffs instead, “besides you called me first.”

“Butt dial.”

“Mmmhmm I’m sure.”

“Shut up,” Azzi laughs and Paige is glad her teammates aren’t here to see the goofy grin that appears on her face at the sound of it, “I just wanted to see if we were doing something tonight?”

“Yeah- umm- you remember I told you about the girls coming down this weekend. They- uh- they wanted to go out tonight and uh- you could come along?” 

There’s a pause on the other end and Paige knows Azzi’s going through the same thought process as her. 

“I don’t wanna intrude on your time with your team P-”

“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Paige cuts in immediately and although she figured her teammates were definitely eavesdropping, Nika cursing about her being “pussywhipped” followed by in-sync shushing from Piath and Caroline, gives them away. 

On the other end of the line, Azzi’s quiet again, “it’s okay P, you go have fun with your friends. We don’t have to spend every night together. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

What she doesn’t say is that maybe they need to learn how to live like that again, how to live apart again. Paige is almost done with the LA part of her rehab, something both of them are still in denial about. It’s only a matter of time before they return back to their two separate worlds and neither of them are sure they’ve managed to repair their friendship enough to not slip back into their foolishness again. 

“But I wanna see you tonight,” Paige whines, her tone teetering on the edge of sounding like a desperate girlfriend, “please.”

“Paige-”

“Pleaseeeeeee. I’m literally injured and begging Az, it’d be mean to say no.”

“What does your injury even have to do with any of this?” Azzi sighs exasperatedly, “but yeah okay fine calm down Bueckers. Send me an address, I’ll be there.”

“You don’t wanna come pregame here?” 

“Dude, let's not push it, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay see you,” Paige pauses, “hey Az?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy you’re coming tonight.”

“I’m really happy you’re happy P.”

***

Azzi Fudd is a menace. See, people often get fooled by her soft-spoken nature and shy demeanour, but Paige has been around her long enough to know the truth. In the beginning it was the witty quips the younger girl always had ready whenever they were having some ridiculous argument. After that, it was the direct pranks that wreaked havoc on Paige’s life. But tonight, in Paige’s opinion, tonight is Azzi’s worst offence. She had to have done it on purpose, had to have known the sheer effect it would have on Paige to see her dressed like that. The red criss-cross tank top fits her like a mould and the way her ripped jeans shorts cling to her hips leaves little to the imagination. Her diamond belly button piercing shines against her skin, taunting Paige. She wants to touch, she wants to feel, she wants to do all the unspeakable things in her mind but she’s forced to just watch. 

What she hates most though, is that everybody else is watching too. Since Azzi’s walked into the club, Paige has had to fight the urge to strangle every stranger who had given her best friend an appraising once-over. Some of them let their eyes linger long enough to give her time to plot out the perfect murder strategy (it’s the only way she can stop herself from actually committing a crime tonight). And, as Azzi dances with Caroline, hips swaying to the beat and holding the other girl a little closely, Paige has the irrational urge to hit sweet, kind Caroline of all people. 

The thing is, Azzi’s been a little too attached to Caroline since she got here in Paige’s opinion. And she gets it. Piath, bless her soul, is trying but has always been a little awkward around new people. Nika is definitely not trying, loyally holding onto a grudge on behalf of Paige. Which leaves Caroline, who’s already familiar territory and the younger girl has grasped onto her like a lifeline. But enough is enough Paige decides, as she slips out of her seat with a determined look. Smoothly, she cuts right in between Caroline and Azzi.

“Nika’s a little wasted and I don’t want to deal with,” it’s a blatant lie but Paige knows appealing to Caroline’s more motherly instincts will get her what she wants. She gets a raised eyebrow in return, her teammate clearly catching her ruse because Nika looks visibly fine. But it works anyway and Paige gets Azzi to herself. She reaches for the other girl’s hand, twirling her just so she can hear that stupid silly laugh, and then pulling her back so she’s facing Paige. 

“You having fun?” 

“Always have fun with you P,” Azzi replies. She’s clearly tipsy but there’s no hint of insincerity in her voice. It makes Paige’s breath hitch. 

“Yeah?” she whispers, taking a step closer, “more than with Carol?”

Azzi giggles, “more than anyone.”

The song in the club changes and as the crowd adjusts to it, someone jostles Azzi and immediately Paige grabs at her hips to steady her. As she finds her balance, Azzi’s giggles subside, realising just how close she is to the blonde now. They’re stuck in slow motion as the world dances around them. The combination of adrenaline and alcohol pumping through her veins is what convinces Paige to test the limits. One hand still squeezing at Azzi’s bare waist, revelling in finally getting to touch, she brings up her thumb to trace around Azzi’s lips. The younger girl gulps, but when she doesn’t try to move away, confidence pulses through Paige. Her heart is beating frantically out of her chest, years and years of want and need that she’d shoved as far away as possible, desperately fighting to get to the surface. 

Pushing herself closer, so their chests are now pressed to each other and Azzi’s hands have no choice but to latch onto her biceps, Paige places a delicate, teasing kiss to the corner of Azzi’s lips. She wishes she could record the whine it elicits and listen to it on loop for hours. Smirking, she moves to place another one on the other side, this time pressing her lips a little harder, a little longer. Azzi’s eyes are closed shut, hands gripping onto Paige so tightly, she knows there’ll be a mark on her biceps tomorrow. She cups Azzi’s face with both hands now, her own eyes shutting involuntarily, as she finally, finally brushes their lips together. 

This time, the strangled noise that leaves Azzi’s throat, is one Paige wishes she could forget as the younger girl rips herself away from Paige, the force of it creating almost a foot of distance between them. It doesn’t take long for the familiar sting of rejection to make itself home in her heart. Azzi’s eyes are brimming with tears as she manically shakes her head. Without a word, she rushes through the crowd, making a beeline for the exit, leaving Paige confused and craving for another taste. 

***

It takes Paige a second to gather her thoughts before following the brunette. She ignores the confused glances from her teammates, making some bullshit excuse about fresh air as she fights her way outside. When she gets there, Azzi’s leaning against the wall, eyes closed as she takes in long deep breaths. 

“That’s not usually how girls react when I try to kiss them,” Paige says after a second, trying to make light of the situation, even if her heart is heavy with anxiety. 

It’s the wrong thing to say because Azzi scoffs, “you kiss a lot of girls don’t you.”

“Yeah and most of them kiss me back,” Paige bites back. 

She’s taken aback by the fire in the darker-skinned girl’s eyes as Azzi finally opens them, heaving herself off the wall. 

“I won’t be one of your groupies Paige. I won’t be one of your desperate one night stands. I won’t be just some other hookup. I won’t!”

Frankly she’s a little offended Azzi would even think that of her. She’s aware of her reputation. In fact she’d probably fed into it a little bit, exaggerating her escapades to Azzi on the phone her freshman year, when they had been on the verge of combusing and she’d been desperate to get a rise out of the younger girl. Last year though, last year was different. But Azzi doesn’t know that. 

“I don’t want you to be any of that,” she replies feebly. 

“Then what, do you want me to be?” Azzi’s voice rises with each syllable. 

Paige stutters, the words getting stuck in her throat. The truth is she wants Azzi to be everything. The truth is, Azzi already is everything. Except there’s too much between them and she just can’t say it. They stand in silence until Azzi finally breaks it.

“I think these last few weeks of summer might have been the best of my life,” she says miserably, “and that might be the worst thing ever you know? Because it’s not real. You’re gonna go back to your world and you’ll- you’ll stop replying to my texts and you’ll stop- you’ll stop calling me and I- I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“That’s an awful lot of assumptions you’re making about me,” Paige is on defensive mode now, feeling a fight brewing. 

“Because that’s what happened. Go back through your fucking phone Paige. Look at all the times I tried. And all the times you never did. You just- you cut me out Paige.”

“That’s not fair. You chose fucking UCLA. Over me.”

“No,” Azzi corrects immediately, anger seeping into her tone, “I chose UCLA over UConn. You made it about yourself.”

Paige swallows back a bitter response in favour of trying to prevent a full-fledged argument, “okay, okay let’s not- let’s not do this okay. It’ll be better this time- I- I won’t ignore your calls or texts or you okay? Just- can we just go back inside please?”

“That’s the thing,” Azzi’s anger is gone, replaced by a sad wistful smile, “I don’t know if I believe that you will,” a single tear rolls down her cheek, “I- I don’t fully trust you and you haven’t fully forgiven me. So where do we go from here?”

It’s a lie what they say about the truth setting you free, Paige thinks as Azzi’s words squeeze at her heart, because all it’s done is unleash shackles of despair that holds them both hostage. It had been easy the last couple of weeks, to pretend the last year had never happened. It had been easy for Paige to pretend that she was over what happened, to ignore the part of her brain that still felt so utterly betrayed. 

“Azzi, what are you saying? You don’t- you don’t wanna be friends?” Paige feels nauseous even saying it. 

“No I-” Azzi chews at her bottom lip, “I’m saying this- us- we’re too fragile to complicate even more. I barely- fuck- Paige, I barely survived losing my best friend. I don’t think I could survive losing something more.” 

The worst thing about it all, is that it makes sense. And really, Paige doesn’t know what she’d expected to happen if Azzi hadn’t pulled away when she did. They’d kiss, maybe give in and do more and then what? Shake hands and walk away? Or make false promises that would ultimately lead to resentment? No, Years and years of something deserved better than either of those masochistic endings. It makes sense, it does but it doesn’t mean Paige has to like it. 

In front of her, all the fight evaporates from Azzi’s body, as the younger girl leans back against the brick wall of the club, sliding down and pulling her knees to her chest. She looks every bit as miserable as Paige feels and all the blonde wants to do is wipe away the stress lines creasing against the younger girl’s beautiful phase. She moves to sit down next to her best friend, shuffling so their shoulders are pressed together and intertwines their fingers together. A sigh of relief escapes her when Azzi doesn’t immediately pull away. Instead, she squeezes their hands tighter, as if she’s scared that if she lets go, Paige will disappear. 

“You didn’t lose me you know,” Paige says softly after a second, nudging Azzi’s shoulder when the other girl lets out a noise of protest, “I know, I know it feels like you did. It felt like that to me too except- every time something good or bad happened to me, I heard your voice or- or maybe I just really wanted too. We got lost a little bit but I didn’t- I didn’t lose you and you didn’t lose me. There’s a difference. I don’t think we could ever lose each other like that. Not really.”

When Azzi turns to look at her, the golden glow of the street lights illuminate the emotions in her eyes. She gives Paige a soft smile, “well Bueckers, if basketball doesn’t work out, maybe you have a future in poetry.”

“I could do whatever I wanted,” except what I want to do the most. 

It doesn’t take long for the Uber Azzi’s already called to start pulling up and that familiar ache of longing creeps into Paige’s spine. She knows tonight isn’t their final goodbye; they still have a couple more days. But those days will be spent ignoring and pretending, unlike tonight and the firm grip they have on reality. They rise off of the cold pavement together, dusting themselves off. It takes a second of awkward glances before they’re surging into each other’s arms, squeezing each other so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. Paige wills herself not to cry, hiding her face in the crook of Azzi’s neck. 

“We’ll be okay,” she whispers, unsure if it’s more for her benefit or Azzi’s. 

The unwanted beep of a car is the only reason they reluctantly pull away, hurriedly wiping away unshed tears, they pretend the other can’t see. Azzi musters up a brave smile, before slowly moving away and it takes everything in Paige not to crumble and begs her to stay. Azzi’s halfway to the car when she turns back and it feels like Paige can breathe again. The brunette’s face is conflicted for a second before turning determined, as she starts walking back up. 

“Az-”

Paige’s confusion is stifled as Azzi fists her shirt, pulling her into a searing kiss. It’s desperate and needy and it’s only a few seconds before the dark-haired girl is pulling away again, but it sets Paige’s entire world off balance. 

“I just-” Azzi’s breathing is rapid and uneven, “I’ve wanted to do that since I was fifteen and- just- fuck- I just-,” she blinks up at Paige, “I hate- I hate leaving things unfinished and for fucks sake if you don’t call me back this time Bueckers- just- don’t be a stranger.”

Paige doesn’t get time to answer, she doesn’t think she could even if she did, because Azzi scurries away almost immediately. She stops when she gets to the car, turning back to give Paige one final look, a look that will haunt Paige forever, before getting into the backseat. As Paige watches the back of Azzi’s uber gets smaller and smaller, her tongue darts across her lips as she tries to memorise the faintest taste of Azzi’s strawberry-flavoured lipstick. And she knows, she’s so utterly and completely and terribly fucked.

[geodetojoy]

Ok I went down RABBIT HOLES for this shit

ok so my name is a combination of geode and ode to joy, like the classical music song, right?

So I could go literal here and just do:

[darker version of geode]to[some opposite feeling to joy]

BUT

What if I went instead to the opposites of each part of the combination?

For the ode to joy part, what if I went to the opposite genre of music?

To me, that would be metal or rock, but I don’t usually listen to that stuff, so I searched up some popular songs and bands to see if any were familiar, and of course the top one that showed up was Metallica

And, searching through their songs, I actually found one that has my chosen name in the title, although it’s not in English, but rather Latin (which, tbf, my name was taken from a fucking pokemon so I can’t say I’m surprised)

Anyway, the song is Lux Æterna, which translates to eternal light

I know that’s not a very evil name, BUT the song is about the energy of being at a live concert, including lyrics such as “Exhilaration/Frenzied Sensation”, which pretty much directly contrasts the feelings of serenity and calm in classical music such as Ode To Joy

So I think in that context it’s “evil” in the way that it opposes my actual blog

Now for the geode part

I’m assuming we all know what a geode is; the hollow rock with crystals lining the interior

The opposite of that (according to google) is what’s known as a “nodule”; aka a non-hollow rock

There are many types of nodules, including jaspers, chalcedony, and, a third option, agates

Given the previous song title, Lux Æterna, the best fit of those three to throw into the mix would be the agate

Now I was between two options, but I think the best would be luxagæterna, as the beginning of æterna and the end of agate kinda mix (visually, but not audibly), and it is the better of the two but is still unfortunately hard to read, so I listed a few options of how I’d format it

Original: luxagæterna

lux-agæterna

lux-agæte-rna

lux-ag-æterna

(I really don’t like those last two, but I’m keeping them there)

And I think I’d ultimately go with lux-agæterna

(I PUT WAY MORE EFFORT INTO THIS THAN I MEANT TO WTH)

yo any of my muts

wonder what your evil blog would be named

[ @mysteriouswolf @theobs3ssivepuppeteer @geodetojoy ]

[prying-pandora666]

On Alucard and Maria

Are there actually fans advocating for Alucard to be written as Maria’s father figure in the new season of Nocturne? Like that would be a good thing and not infinitely creepier? I don’t think they’ve thought this through.

Alucard is the single most popular character in the franchise. He’s also probably the most shipped character. And yet he has only had one canon love interest in the decades since he’s existed. It’s Maria. And you’re telling me that you think that because he’s 300+ and she’s 17-18 when they started living together in the games, that it would be grooming. However, somehow him inserting himself into her life at age 16 when she’s just lost both her parents wouldn’t come off like grooming!?

Does this man look like he should be picking up random children!? He’s literally terrified of his own cursed blood. Maybe LISTEN TO HIM.

I’m convinced fandoms have forgotten what that word means. Grooming has specific features. It doesn’t just mean “older guy and younger girl.” A relationship with an age gap or an uneven power dynamic can be exploitative or abusive without being a case of grooming. Grooming specifically refers to the process of forming a relationship with a child with the intention of leveraging that relationship and trust to train and prepare (aka brainwash) your victim for the harmful activities the groomer wants to normalize. The relationship Alucard and Maria have in the games is in no way grooming. You know what would be grooming though?

Coming into a 16 year old’s life when she’s vulnerable, traumatized, and recently orphaned only to insinuate yourself as a new father figure. This is so highly inappropriate and a huge red flag. Consider what you’re actually asking for here. These characters do not exist in a a vacuum. They have a long history together as each other’s only canon love interests. You cannot fully extract them from the games, art, interviews, audio dramas, animations, and more where they’re depicted as a couple. There are decades of this precedent and you are asking Netflix to knowingly take the characters with an established romantic dynamic that the audience is already primed to see as romantic and instead portray their meeting as him trying to be her new daddy?

“Oh look! Alucard and his… daughter? Yikes.” This is an official advertisement btw.

THAT is grooming! Think about the optics of this! It would be abysmal! No it would NOT fix the problem of their age gap to make him act like a groomer and get in good with her as a dad. You just cannot completely extract them from the legacy of their relationship in the source materials. It will be incredibly creepy and textbook grooming if you get your way.

Is this really what you want to associate with an “adoptive father Alucard”? Because the art we create doesn’t exist in a vacuum. All the old content—official and fanmade—is still going to exist.

What is so objectionable about the original dynamic anyway? It’s a pretty fun subversion of the tired and problematic vampire trope of “vampire man stalks teen girl and coerces her into being his”. Instead in their original relationship, Maria is the one who pursues Alucard! It’s the young woman who takes initiative and is given the agency to go after what she wants. She courts and woos him. That’s part of the fun!

Yes, Alucard is 300+. He’s also a fictional creature that doesn’t actually exist IRL and stays eternally young. There are no actual people who will ever have his problem of staying 20 forever so it’s rather silly to say he can’t date any humans because of course he will have an age gap with any of them.

The only real problem I have seen people bring up is Maria’s age, but from what I can tell, the show’s already fixed this. Check it out.

In The Games

Rondo of Blood: Maria is 12. She and Alucard do not meet. Richter is a brother-figure and not romantic.

There is then a 5 year time skip.

Symphony of the Night: Maria is 17. She and Alucard meet to save Richter. At the end, Alucard says his goodbyes and intends to return to a life of solitude. Maria goes after him because she has developed feelings for him and doesn’t want him to suffer a life alone.

Maria is given agency to pursue what she wants and prove herself even against Alucard’s resistance and hesitance to let another person into his life.

They spend a year together before we get the audio drama.

Nocturne of Remembrance: Maria continues to try to get close to Alucard. They end up saving each other’s lives and in the end he finally confesses his romantic feelings for her. She is an adult and perfectly able to make her own choices. She chose him. He admits he returns her feelings.

How fandom can look at a story about a young woman subverting the trope and chasing the vampire to get what she wants—basically an anti-Bella Swan—and still find a way to disempower her just so they can pearl clutch? I couldn’t tell you.

So now let’s look at what the show did.

In The Show

Nocturne S1: Maria is 16. She’s been aged up from 12, probably to give her a more active and believable role. But this also means she’s within a normal age to start feeling attraction and expressing her wants. Within her society, she’s even considered of marriageable age. However we are spared the discomfort of our modern values clashing with her contemporaneous ones because Maria in this season isn’t interested in romance. She’s interested in revolution, equality, justice. They’ve portrayed her with so much love and strength. There is no indication they’d betray her by writing her as the child victim of a male suitor. In fact she only meets Alucard in the final few seconds of the season and the two do not even speak a single word to one another.

Now let’s remember the games had a five year time skip. The show only needs two years to get Maria to the adult age of 18, but assuming the follow through with the timeline and go for the full five?

Maria will be 21.

21.

Fan concept for adult Maria. Credit:@esp-art

Are you telling me a 21 year old woman is not old or mature enough to make her own decisions? How is this not a total infantilization of women? Do you think a 21 year old badass vampire hunter needs protection from the ace depressed dhampir boy who just wants to sleep and has in no way tried to pursue her until after she expressed consistent and persistent interest in him?

It is not “grooming” to meet someone when they were younger and then meet them again years later as an adult. That’s a thing that happens! In real life! Adults can still make decisions for themselves! It is only grooming if Alucard behaved in a way that would manipulate teen Maria and put her under his control and authority before she can consent. There is no indication that Alucard in the show is going to do this. And yet the fandom is basically demanding it by saying he should make her “his baby girl”?

And what of Maria’s feelings in all this? She just lost her mother and was betrayed by her father shortly after discovering he even existed. She has lived her whole life without a father. She is in no desperate need of a new one. And if she does need a family member, she already has one! Richter is 19 and is her trusted adoptive brother. Why wouldn’t she go to him over a total stranger she just met and who is half vampire - literally a predator creature that feeds on humans!?

Yeah, hi, Richter Belmont still exists. He and Maria consider each other family. Why would you want her relying on a strange man she just met as a “father figure” rather than her trusted and loving brother?

Have none of you even considered how Maria would feel if Alucard even tried to fill the paternal role? He’d have to force it on her through manipulation and coercion. No way she would want to view him that way. Especially considering she is 16 and likely to be as attracted to the sparkly 20 year old looking sculpted marble beauty as anyone else!

Don’t mind the beautiful eternally young man who looks made of pure porcelain and light. No teen girl has ever been attracted to this, right? No way it could be exploitative and creepy for him to present himself as her new daddy, giving himself authority and influence over her as his child to mold as he wishes, right? Oh yeah, this is MUCH better than Maria pursuing him of her own volition once she becomes an adult, right guys?

We are truly in the stupidest dark timeline.

Frankly, I don’t care if Netflix has them get together or not. They would work just fine as friends too. I just sure as hell hope they’ll ignore the fans clamoring for a creepy daddy/daughter dynamic. Dressing it up as “concern” won’t hide that for some it’s a fetish, and for others they’re just useful idiots who haven’t thought it through.

I implore you to think it through.

[headkiss]

Hi Anna, I'm a huge fan of your Steve writings:)) How about Steve x introvert!reader where they have a painting date night at one of their homes?🫶

hiii thank you so much!!! i hope u like it!! | 0.7k so fluffy

Steve is a romantic to the bone. When you first met him, he would’ve denied it to make himself cooler, but now, he wears it around you like a badge of honor.

He’s also ridiculously understanding.

Work today had been a lot, the bakery on main unusually busy with only two of you working. Not to mention you’d been working the front counter, when you’d much rather be in the kitchen making cookies and frosting cupcakes.

Drained is one way to put the way you’re feeling, the battery for socializing running lower and lower until it’s basically empty by the time you’re home.

Steve calls you like he knows exactly when you’ll be getting into your room, and you pick up despite your tiredness. There’ll always be room for him, you think.

“Hey, angel,” his voice loosens your tight muscles just a bit. “We still good for tonight?”

Back to him being a romantic, Steve insists that you go on at least one date a week, and it’s something that goes to show how much he cares about you and your relationship. He also calls you beforehand to check if you’re up to it every time.

You wince a little as you answer, feeling guilty for being tired and for wanting to stay in. “Would it be okay if we didn’t? I’m so sorry, work was a lot and-”

“None of that,” he cuts you off, “how about you just come here? Just me and you?”

“Thank you, Steve. I’ll be there in a bit, okay?”

“See you soon.”

Soon is the time it takes for a shower, getting dressed in sweats, and the drive over to his place. As you step out of your car, you worry that he had something special planned for today’s date, that you ruined that, but his beaming smile when he opens the door is enough to erase your worries.

“Hi,” he says, tossing an arm over your shoulders and tilting his head to push a kiss into your hair. “You okay?”

“Better now.”

Your arms wrap themselves around his waist, and though it’s awkward to walk through the house this way, neither of you make a move to pull away.

Steve leads you into the dining room, and your eyes well up just a little (maybe a lot) at what you see. He’s got a tarp laid over the table, two canvases set up on small easels right next to each other, and paint and brushes scattered over the table. Such a romantic.

“I thought maybe we could have our date here instead,” he tells you, rocking on his feet. Steve knows you better than anyone, and he knows that it can take a lot for you to be in social settings for a long time. He doesn’t care; the most important part to him is spending time with you, anyway.

So, he’s had some ideas for at home dates saved up for you. By the way your arms squeeze him tighter and you murmur his name, all delicate and surprised, he feels pretty good about it.

“Where did you get all of this? It’s barely been an hour since you called.”

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

You lean up and kiss his cheek, the words ‘thank you’ pushed into his skin.

“Well,” he starts, his cheeks warming at your affection, “you wanna paint something?”

“Absolutely.”

It’s easy to get into the swing of things, dollops of paint squeezed out onto the tarp to use, cups of muddled water used to clean your brushes, and the sort of ease you’ve only ever felt around Steve.

You don’t know how he seems to understand exactly what you need without saying anything, how he accepts every bit of you without complaint, but you’re eternally thankful for it nonetheless.

He knows you the best, and he loves you the way only he could. In this big, huge way that’s in everything he does, even the way he paints the tip of your nose pink.

By the end of the painting session, you’re left giggling at Steve’s piece of art that looks like something a proud parent would put on their fridge.

“Whatever,” he says, fighting a smile at the brightness in your eyes and the laugh you’re hiding behind your hand. “It’s called abstract. Guess you just don’t have the eye for it.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah,” he cups your cheek in his warm palm, rubbing away a splotch of paint—one that he probably put there—with his thumb.

Your long shift feels ages away, long forgotten and replaced by paint stains on your clothes, a mess that neither of you can be bothered to clean up, and the all-encompassing feeling of being with Steve, of being known and loved by him.