#anyway. so sorry for both of these characters whose names i do Not remember

[im-still-a-robot]

Dust ep3 eeeeussh

[lizaluvsthis]

Kisame

"I regret the things I did..."

Written by @lizaluvsthis

Inspiration from the song ' Kisame ' by Rhodessa

[Recommended song to listen to]

Summary- SMG4 finished his daily video and laid back down to his bed, he finds himself overthinking...

Note- Kisame in english means ceiling ^^

Chapter is only 1/1

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Pining, Angst/Self Comfort, Gay and Depression is real.

You opened this chapter and I won't say sorry once you did.

10:25 pm

SMG4 had finished editing his video, shutting off the lights and laying his back flat on the mattress.

Taking a huge breath from all the exhaustion he wasted on another brand new video, opening both of his eyes.

He began to stare at the ceiling for a while with a blank thought of his mind, trying to take a break after everything. Even how much he pushed out those problems, it kept bothering him anyway.

What was he supposed to do? SMG4 is a hard worker, to keep the fans entertained, worked out from his ass by 24/7 with every videos he'd make, he couldn't stop.

Oh, how he regretted every moment of that, how he hated himself, he could never say sorry. Even just a simple sorry was difficult enough to emphasize his own character.

What made it hard for him to apologize is that he couldn't say sorry to himself, never even forgive. He was selfish, a selfish man whose hopes are up to 'follow that dream' but he can't push all of those problems forever, he can't just forget about them because they were such a big deal when you're living.

He found it hard to accept, to live as a normal guy. He has such a big reputation to be in and yet he's stuck at some place built a castle with his name written on it.

He still has to pay, living a day in a world where you survive while time passes by... it's sad.

He wished he never existed in the first place, but what came in? Contents to make him keep alive, endless amounts of videos he'd make.

The passion he craved with, the goal he reached. He made it. What next?

What was his next goal? If he had everything to himself now, why did he feel so incomplete? Why did he feel lost? Something missing?

SMG4 knows that he'd already been miserable enough, why else would he be upset?

"We can make another!"

A memory echoed through his head, ears hearing this out from Three's voice were surreal.

Just seeing three by his side, was he actually telling the truth? Were they both really friends? Were the things he said are real? Did he ACTUALLY had that soft side that led him to open up his heart and spoke the whole thing?

Or was that all just to set him free and that none ever he said were true?

But if he did... then why else would Three help him even after and before?

If three considered him as a friend, friends always got their back. Like how Mario helped him, how every crew of his are like a family he never had.

SMG3 meant something... something special...

He was the first antagonist he met but became ex rivals with four even right after the whole "destroying your reputation" arc.

What made three change his heart of mind? What made him change his choice?

Wasn't he supposed to kill the guy- him?

Wasn't he supposed to be the evil one?

Weren't his actions to make Four's life a living hell?

Weren't all those things he did is to steal his youtube channel?

What happened to him?

Where did his old self go and whats this new him?

What took four this long to realize that three had done so much to save him? Risked his life? Literally.

He was sorry for him, sorry for everything. But he never even told him how sorry, how much of a bother, how annoyingly of a coward he was towards his feelings.

"R-remember what I said?" What did he say? What was that? What is four missing here? What did he forgot? What did he miss?

"We're friends!"

.

.

.

-ring-

.

Was that right?

.

Were they both really friends?

.

After everything they've been through?

.

.

After... he destroyed him...?

.

.

.

"Ughhhh..." he tried to cover his eyes, planting his wrist to his view. Tried to keep himself calm...

-inhale-

A deep quiet sleep...

-exhale-

A silent evening with nothing to feel bothered of...

-inhale-

Just push them all away and never bother...

-exhale-

Going...

Back...

-

Opening his eyes back again looking upon the clock...

10:31 pm

Tik...

Tok...

Tik...

Tok...

Time passes by too slow... yet too fast at the same time...

It makes you go crazy and lose your mind...

Where did I went through?

How did I get here?

Why did I ended up like this?

A mind flooded questions, unanswered thoughts. Overthinking again and again and again and over again.

Why was he thinking about Three back there?

Why did it matter to him again?

He didn't know how or why...

There is just something... a thing that he isn't sure what it's called...

Sure they're friends but are they really?

There's so many things roaming through his head, sending him mixed signals from Three's complicated doings.

He found it quite interesting and exciting but at the same time- scary.

Intrigued and fascinated by how Three could do everything better, and that he never misses. All of it... impressive...

But wasn't four more better than him from the start? Back in memewarts he kept notice that Three had tried everything... yet... he got the attention all to himself again...

"You're an -sshole smg4..."

He said that to himself... everything is pretty bad to him... why did he have to do that? When you're already full of everything and you keep bugging into their life?

Came crashing in and picking up the pieces you can't fix...?

"You're so tsundere SMG3" "NO I'M NOT! YOU BAKA!"

Another set of memory flashed to his eyes, three is a tsundere... he looked at the meaning earlier ago, was this all true?

Three? Being an actual tsundere to SMG4... everytime... he gets back to him... a possibility he had feelings for...

No... no way... there's just no way...

His heart started beating faster, warmth from his face, his cheeks and his nose turning red. Felt like his eyes were burning, how he forgot to cry...

Felt like this was the first time from him in years to ever cry after so long... he gripped the sheets from the mattress, his heart felt torn apart.

Ripped up to bits, feeling it sunken deeper, like drowning from a breathable surface. Was that all he could ever wanted? Changing for the better person?

He was gay for him? Madly inlove? A reason why he RISKED his LIFE to SAVE HIM...???

"But why...?" Time and time again, why does Four even bother? It was all from Three... he felt so stupid... so oblivious that he is now realizing Three had this feeling for him...

"I'm... I'm just so lonely... I'm so stupid..." SMG4 hugged the only pillow from his head to his chest, "SO STUPID!" almost tearing the fabric. He lets go, fear that he'd been hurting...

Left for burden...

"I..." He didn't know what to do anymore, looking down at the small rips... in a depth of staring silently...

How long had he been too busy? How long? How long did Three wanted to admit he really love him? How long did three change?

How long was he also suffering the same silence just like his? How long did he hide everything from him? Being the coldest and meanest person? Becoming soft? How long?

How long didn't he express? How long had Four been ignoring his feelings? How long didn't he just act now? How long? How long could he stay like that?

How long would he keep on doing this?

...

Well one thing is for sure...

You can't solve everything from your problems...

You just... kind of did it... beyond repair... broken...

He knows he can't hide his pain anymore... why does he still deepen it when everything is collapsing?

Everything hurts...

Even if... how many times... he kept himself in strangles with the hardest things...

He still finds Three as his other way... like a pathway guiding him to the light like how he did when he was at his darkest moments of life.

Like how he saved him for not going insane...

Thats how of a person SMG3 is...

He hated it... he loved it at the same time...

He felt safe... yet uncomfortable...

Relaxed... panic...

Sad... happy...

Home... loved... and cared...

He didn't deserve all of this... but he is still greatful to have the people he's closest to by his side. Because they'll never leave him no matter what happens.

Four is thinking negative thoughts, but now it was replaced by Three and the positive outcomes of him catching up.

"Three you... you saved me..." Twice he said it... twice... yet Three saved him a bunch of times now, he had to thank him.

"Yeah whatever" how he nearly died during the chase with mario and the notebook, three flunging him out due to the missle's point.

He almost died, and three is just.

"You're gay for me?" he remembered the past, unsure if he really admitted that he has feelings for the man in purple. He was too scared to love, the most closest people he'd been with.

Made a thought of abandonment...

If he could've done more, he wouldn't be a burden to his friends and to him...

How does he tell Three that he also liked him? That he really really loved him...?

His thoughts can never get rid of him because he was someone special.

He wasn't sure if he's worthy for his love.

Why does it always have to end up like this?

.

.

He looked at his hand touching the air, notice of his tears stopping.

It's okay... even no matter what or how many times he ignored him, because the pain they both are baring now. Are insufferable to deal to.

Just for Three...

And to himself...

To live...

The water that dripped down from his tears dried, eyes widened and understanding. His heart now wrapped and covered with warmth and joy.

He finally smiled with those soft eyes.

He hugged himself and laughed, how he loved Three, how he just overthinked everything to question his purpose and living, then to him again.

It doesn't matter anymore.

What matters is that he continued living than choosing to die, his decisions are what he points at.

No matter now, if he doesn't know how to deal with his problems? He'll find a way...

He always does...

With a final exhale, relaxing his head and shutting both of his eyes.

How he loved it...

Dying from his lifeline with just a silent scream, daring not to tell a word or two.

Three is all that matters to him in the end.

A few minutes passed by as he drifting away to sleep...

----------

Three however is also dealing the same problem... except it was the opposite. Crying himself to sleep...

- END -

[bomberqueen17]

lose not a moment

I have hit upon the novel idea of listening to audiobooks for my long car rides and tedious solo work sessions, since i can't follow or understand podcasts. I can't really follow audiobooks either, historically, but if I listen to a book I've read before, I've had decent success at still following it. I exhausted the meager supplies of the Buffalo library, however, which while it has a substantial physical collection, is shockingly lacking in all digital options, and the audiobook selection is downright threadbare.

I started with Murderbot, which being both familiar and novellas, was very accessible. Kevin R. Free is a great narrator, but i am occasionally perturbed by one particular turn of phrase I now can't recall, but which Wells is fond of using, and Free mispronounces every time. i can't remember but it's some homonym, like using the wrong pronunciation of "read", which makes the admittedly slightly-nonstandard phrase nonsense. I genuinely can't recall what it is. Anyway this is small potatoes, and I do recommend them if you like audiobooks.

I moved on to a Lord Peter Wimsey book, because it was short. I'd only read the one, the first one, which has a sort of sickening antisemitism but it's like...... part of the setting, and is not really borne out by the plot. (The murder victim is a Jewish man, and there's all kinds of horrible shit said by all kinds of characters, some of whom are meant to be sympathetic, but all we are shown of the man himself is that he was actually a pretty good dude and our POV characters are heartily sorry for his fate. But his Jewishness is part of the motive, his defeated romantic rival being so horribly put-out by having lost to a Jew; and it's part of how the plot is unraveled, an unwitting witness later commenting about that dead [slur for Jew-- actually an archaic slur i'd never even heard before but obvious from context, so i guess at least it's not one of the gratingly familiar ones but it's obvious what it is] he'd seen, which is proof of the corpse's identity even after he can no longer be visually identified due to various events. Ugh. It's not that the book's not worth reading, it's clearly meant to be part of the setting and is absolutely faithful to the period, contemporary with which it was written, but boy it is really gross to kind of slog through that.)

I detoured to listen to the Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper, which I had read and loved as a child but remembered only poorly. It was well-read, and the narrator had notably excellent Welsh, which was gratifying as my child-self had really puzzled over some of the place names in the third book and beyond. (I had certainly never pronounced the dog Cafall's name correctly, despite having read the pronunciation guide assiduously.) But it was soon over.

Anyway after that I hit upon the idea of listening to the audiobooks of Patrick O'Brian's series about Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin, which I read voraciously when I was a child and my parents brought them all home from the library. I read the series possibly out of order, I don't recollect now, and I wasn't sure how well I'd remember it. I had certainly been too young to understand a great deal of it, and I remember puzzling over the diagram in the frontispiece of the sails with near-despair.

I started in on Master & Commander, the first book, and I remembered the initial scene, I remembered how Stephen and Jack met, I remembered the broad strokes of all the events, and was enchanted by revisiting it. I then listened to the second one, Post Captain, and found it harder going; it was a different narrator, who makes little mouth noises sometimes and whose voices for the characters I like less. Stephen Vance is the narrator I like more, though I don't really like how he does the women's voices; he makes Diana Villiers sound downright ridiculous. But he's very good at the distinct voices for the major characters and I quite like him otherwise.

I haven't bothered consulting a diagram; I know which sail is which just well enough (not well at all) to follow the action, and it turns out I don't really need to know what a cross-catharping is at all. (I mean, I looked it up just now, but it didn't matter.)

Book 3, HMS Surprise, has another situation with a Jewish character facing antisemitic disapprobation, and it is sort of a refreshing contrast to Lord Peter Wimsey that the POV character of the moment, Stephen Maturin, despite (spoilers) imminently killing the man in a duel, shuts down the person who is saying the most antisemitic things, saying that he has a particular fondness for Our Lady and since she was a Jewess he cannot believe to consider himself superior to her people in any way. Earlier the character is also denigrated but by such an unsympathetic character that the reader is pretty clearly meant to find her ridiculous. Still, it is there, but about on par with how Catholics are spoken of in the series. Which is no small thing; I have currently put the book down because a character in book four has just discovered Stephen is Catholic and is singing an offensive song about it at him and I needed a moment to not listen to that.

Anyway-- I had not thought I remembered the books well at all, and indeed I don't, many of the turns of the plot are total surprises to me, and I am in suspense for most of the action scenes, but I am occasionally dumbfounded to find turns of phrase that have been in my vocabulary entire this whole time. I read these books at a tender age and some of their philosophies, some of their turns of phrase, are deeply embedded in me, in my foundations indeed. I do not recommend them unreservedly, and I also think I will not seek out the current fandom for them particularly, as I don't think that the fandom takes on these characters will jive particularly well with my deep and ancient love for them. I read these books quite before I was capable of any real critical thought, and I do not think the fannish take will sit well with that early impression.

We'll see, though.

I do think I owe O'Brian a lot in how I write action. He does it so directly, with such immediacy-- so clearly, but with occasional bits of real poetry, some evocative touches that make it so vibrant-- that's what I strive to do as well. I don't know that I succeed, but if I ever do, I surely owe him.

But anyway-- part of the point of this post is that the Buffalo library only had books one, two, and eleven as audiobooks, and did not have ebooks of more than three or four of the books either. I was complaining of this, and my mother reminded me that anyone resident in NY State can get a digital library card to the New York Public Library, and I said I knew that but not how to do it. So, on Sunday afternoon while the various family was doing various active things and she and I were sitting at the picnic table, she knitting and I sewing, she said "open your Libby app. Select add a library. Type in New York. Select the New York Public Library. See what happens."

One of the options there was "I would like to request a card", and tapping this brought me to a screen where I was invited to give them my mailing address, which is indeed in New York State legitimately, and immediately they granted me a provisional library card with a one-year expiration date.

They have the entire series in audiobook, and ready to borrow, no holds.

I also had said I wanted to get a card at the library near the farm, and my sister is on the board of that; Mom asked her, when she next came by, and she said "oh let me look on the website, I'm not sure what you need," and in a moment asked me to remind her of my phone number, and in a moment after that I had an email in my inbox with my Upper Hudson library card, as she had filled out the application for me using her own address (where I do legitimately reside) and my birthdate, which of course she knows.

So now I have access to the riches of Upper Hudson as well, which while having one fewer library in its system than Buffalo, has at first glance about ten times as many digital titles.

So.

Anyway, there are twenty books in this series so I'm probably set for the rest of the summer.

I have no real deep observations on the books, except to admire the sharp character-work-- just such round characters, all around, major and minor, even if O'Brian sometimes loses track of minor characters here and there. How can I really complain? The ones he keeps sharp watch on are so delightful, so real, so self-propelled. I was worried, this book 4, that none of my favorites were by; Aubrey and Maturin are together, but are bound for the far side of the world, in great haste, with none of their regular recurrent comrades. When who should appear, to my wondering eyes, but the incomparable coxswain Barret Bonden, who in the first book very politely turns down Aubrey's offer to rate him an officer, in the third book finally reveals why when Stephen, hands injured, tries to dictate a letter to him ("I can't write a word," he admits. "I can read, near enough, can puzzle out the watch list, but I can't write a stroke.") Later in the third book, Stephen teaches him to write, sitting on one of the platforms among the rigging with him and dictating poetry, breaking off to exclaim when he sees an albatross-- Bonden, diligently, writing, "I see the albatross-- that don't rhyme, doctor, is there more to the line?" And here he is in the fourth, both a plot device and a welcome face.

I had despaired of him, but here too is my favorite. Early on a midshipman, the senior mid rated master's mate, then finally rated a lieutenant, and now an acting captain he turns up all unlooked-for in the fourth book, TOM PULLINGS, I don't know why I love him so but I do, what a cheerful and willing creature. I don't remember if anything terrible happens to him later, don't tell me. (I did spoil myself for a few characters, pulled up the wiki for a moment to remind myself who somebody was and then read too far. Nooooooo alas.)

Anyway I am much enjoying them, but am falling prey to my usual problem, wherein when I am reading a book I only want to do that and do not want to do other things, like work or sleep or other hobbies, so I may have to set limits for myself on how long I can listen in a day, or at least take breaks.

[miraluscinia]

do you think you could make a list of which hero is who? sorry it’s just confusing

Yknow, i was planning on revealing them one at a time, but there's 18 characters and i feel like it's gonna take me some time to even begin drawing the next person, so why not reveal it now?

Here's a list of who is who, as well as a bit of info (this is a long one so brace yourselves);

The Architect = Grian

- as already revealed, Grian's power is psychokinesis (which is closely related to, but is not telekinesis). The first part of his poem, "Mind over matter", reveals this but there's more to it than that. His wings are also thought to be part of his powers, but whether or not that's true will be revealed in the actual story i'll write. The character introduction hinted at some things, but I'm not gonna point them out until much later.

(Since I haven't properly introduced the rest of the cast yet, I'll avoid mentioning their powers or any other info. You guys will just have to either wait for their introductions, or take a wild guess. I'll just give you guys some behind the scene of each alias and poem)

Vex = Scar

- I honestly had a hard time coming up with the alias for Scar. Eventually, I settled for Vex because some fans headcanon Scar as a vex hybrid, also because the name means "to bring trouble" or "to annoy by petty provocations", which is close to what I plan for Scar in this AU. Also, his poem "A silver tongue, a voice that sways" not only gives a nod to how he usually swindles people in the life series but it also hints at what his power is.

The Mechanic = Mumbo

- I mean... i think it's kinda obvious the person whose poem says "Where machines are present, his genius stands" is gonna be Mumbo. I think i could've thought of a better alias for Mumbo, but I just couldn't at the time, and I guess this has already stuck so... yeah, Mechanic it is for Mumbo.

Trapline = Impulse

- I haven't really watched Impulse that much so I didn't really know what power to give him. But then I watched one of his build and seek videos and I learned that he's good at redstone, so I decided to make his power have something to do with machines as well. And since we already have Mumbo as the tech guy, I just decided to have Impulse be the trap guy. Hence his poem, "A snare unseen, a trap well laid". The alias Trapline just sounded cool to me.

Scarlet Moon = Pearl

- I mean... i think the alias already gives it away. Anyways, Pearl's alias and power was one of the ones that came easy to me. I wanted her whole theme to still be tied to the moon so... Scarlet Moon it is. As for her powers, the first line of her poem, "Gravity bows to her lunar might", kinda gives it away.

Timekeeper = Bdubs

- I don't know much about Bdubs as well, nor have I watched any of his POV (i found the life series through martyn so i mainly watch his pov), but i've seen fanfics and fanart alike of him having a clock and his moss cloak thingy, so i decided to base his power on that. So the first line of his poem, "Time bends where flowers bloom", gives a nod to that, as well as hint at his powers. Bdubs' powers is one of the things I'm very proud of. His character in this AU is also one of the more complex characters. As for his alias, the public only knows about one part of his powers so I thought, "what would people call someone with that power?", and I came up with Timekeeper.

Blaze = Tango

- I actually feel bad for giving Tango a very basic alias, but i really can't think of anything else. I only really got interested in Tango during Double Life, cuz him with Jimmy is really wholesome. I noticed that fanon is that Tango is a blaze hybrid so I just took that and ran. I also loved his reaction in Double Life to the ranch burning, so the last part of his poem, "Heat and flame, in fury's daze", gives a nod to that as well as his powers. Honestly, most of the characters' poems hint at both their powers and something that reminds me of them.

Phantom = Etho

- Honestly, i don't really remember my exact thought process on why I chose Etho's alias and power to be what they are. I think it was literally because his skin is a character from Naruto, and so i guess I just thought, "Naruto... ninja... invisible, yes, yes." And i said i won't mention the characters' powers but actually, the first line of Etho's poem, "Invisible steps, shadows in tow", already gave it away. And there's more to his powers than that anyways, so I guess it's fine.

Maestro = Ren

- Ren's alias gave me a hard time cuz I couldn't think of something that sounds dramatic enough. I ended up going with Maestro since the word means "a master usually in an art", and since Ren gives such a theater kid vibe, I went with it. Now, I had a bit of trouble with his power, mainly because it's similar to another character's, but I evntually found a way to differentiate the two so it's all good now. I just love Ren and Martyn's dynamic in 3rd Life, and in any interaction they have honestly. Ren's entire poem gives a nod to his dramatic theater kid vibe, but the line "Illusions dance, a show so grand" hints at what I plan for his whole character to be in the AU. And it also parallels the other character with similar powers to Ren.

Fortress = Cleo

- Cleo was one of the harder persons to think of a power and alias for. So i went and looked through videos and fanfics alike to see what i can pick up, and I noticed that in most fanfics I read, Cleo is often depicted as a strong and reliable person, and I can get that vibe in the videos I've seen of them. What really solidified my decision for her power, though, is that one moment in Double Life where she tells Martyn that they're both survivors, and that really stuck to me. As for the alias, the word fortress already gives the impression of strong and formidable, so I went with that. It felt like a weird alias the first few times, but it eventually grew on me, and now I kinda like it. The first line of their poem, "Strong as stone, yet swift to mend", also hints at another part of their power.

Mirage = Martyn

- I love his and Ren's theater kids vibe, and it's one of the reasons why I made their powers to be so similar. The reason for Martyn's power and alias is mostly because he's well known for always sneaking around without being seen most of the time, and being able to get away unseen as well. It's also that one line from Skizz during Secret Life that really cemented the power and alias. Skizz was complementing Martyn's ability to sneak around unnoticed and commented, "I'm honestly only 50% certain that you're standing in front of me." Also, aside from the powers, Ren and Martyn's poems are also very similar in the first part. Whereas Ren's is "Illusions dance", Martyn's first line, "Illusions twist, reality bends", not only hints at what differentiates his powers from Ren, but also references how Martyn likes to gaslight people, especially during Secret Life.

Sanguine = Skizz

- Skizz's alias and power are ones I'm most proud of. Every character's powers mostly have more than one part to it, and Skizz's is one i really like. One part of his power, I got inspiration from a fanfic I read in AO3 called "Wake the Dead" by Kiki_the_kiwi. The other part, i got inspiration from the way I noticed Skizz usually becomes in the life series (which martyn also pointed out during his interview in the Imp & Skizz Podcast). The first line of Skizz's poem, "Blood and battle, strength reborn", references this. As for his alias, it took me a long time to pick. I wanted something that suited his power and his character, and I eventually ended up on Sanguine. While it's not the most cool-sounding name, its meaning actually suits Skizz's character in this AU. Sanguine has two meanings, the first being "someone who is cheery" and the other being "blood" or "bloodthirsty", so... you can probably guess why I chose this alias for Skizz, and it also suits the way his power works.

Fenrir = Joel

- Actually, Joel was the hardest to think of a power for because his chaotic nature in the life series doesn't really leave me with a solid idea. Eventually, I just stuck to his 3rd Life vibe, which involves wolves. Hence the alias Fenrir, which is some sort of wolf Norse god, I'm not really sure, I didn’t research it that much (i also just really like the name). As for his powers, the same with every other character's powers in this AU, there's more to it than the surface level. The last part of his poem, "Strength in the pack, yet prone to fall", hints at this.

Starstrike = Scott

- For Scott, i mostly stuck to the most common winner symbol for him, which is stars. His powers isn't as complicated as the others, and the last part of his poem, "A shield, a blade, a step so sure", hints at what he can do with his powers. As for his alias, I guess it just sounded cool to me. I wanted something that relates to his star theme, but also gives the impression of someone not to be messed with, so I went with Starstrike.

The Canary = Jimmy

- Honestly, do I even have to explain? Lol! Jimmy's powers also got inspiration from the same fic I got for Skizz, which is "Wake the Dead" by Kiki_the_kiwi on AO3 (you should really check it out). And his poem, "The first to fall when danger is near", also references his Canary Curse.

Quake = BigB

- i honestly didn't know much about BigB as well, but from what I remember of him, mostly in 3rd and Secret Life, he was mostly mining/digging underground while stuff happens on the surface. His poem, "A rumble deep, the earth obeys", kinda also hints at this, as well as reminds me of his backrooms shtick in Secret Life.

Flora = Gem

- I kinda feel bad, but I honestly gave up with Gem, since I know less about her than others members since she's still a bit new to the life series, and I didn't really watch any of her stuff before. But the vibe I got from her is that she's sweet, but also kinda dangerous. So i thought, the alias Flora sounds sweet, but since it refers to plants and the like, it could also mean danger since there are dangerous plants. Her powers, though, isn't what you would initially think. Like I said, there's more to the characters' powers than what is on the surface level. And Gem's poem, "Nature's strength in her entwines", not only hints at another part of her powers, but also references where I got the inspiration for her powers, which is a certain character from the anime/manga called "Bungou Stray Dogs".

Nightshade = Lizzie

- Lizzie's power was one of the easiest to think of, but of course, there's more to her powers. The name Nightshade is something I really like, and with it being a beautiful plant usually associated with darkness and mystery, I thought that it suits Lizzie well, especially in the AU. Her poem, "In darkness she dwells with deadly grace", further insinuates this.

Aaaand, that's all of them! Sorry for the long post, but I also wanted to share my thought process in picking the alias for each character. And while I don't want to reveal too much of their powers until they get properly introduced, i figured it's fine to touch on the behind the scenes of it for a bit.

What do you guys think? Also, for the anon who asked, I hope this clears things up! :)

[becauseplot]

Last night I finished Ordem Paranormal: Calamidade Episode 2! A five hour episode---lots of things to think about lots of things to talk about, hooooo boy.

Second set of characters! Second set of characters! More little guys for me to rotate!

Going into this season, I already knew that there was going to be another team of players/characters moving through the story, but this doesn't make it any less of a delight! So happy to see Luis, Triz, and João back in action, and now we have a couple new players, Mount and Zero. Exciting!

I suppose this is what Cellbit meant when he said at the beginning of the season that even he doesn't know how this story will end. Since we have our "good guys" team and "bad guys" team, the success of their respective order's missions is going to depend directly on the players' actions. The fate of the story has been almost entirely put in the hands of the players. And now whatever happens, happens.

This episode wasn't particularly plot-heavy: mostly just a bunch of fights one after the other. But that's not to say this episode wasn't without its moments. And it certainly didn't feel like it was lacking on the character-front, no sir. It was a pretty fun episode for me, because I love watching fights---not as much as I love watching character moments, but the fights are fun as well. And they can also lead to character moments!

Depicted: the Escripta crew demonstrates all five stages of grief simultaneously as T-Bag takes 38 damage in a single round from Signore Leone.

Alright let's go down the list.

Demir and Boris! Lumping them together because I. I'm sorry I don't have any major feelings about them right now. They exist! They seem to be twins! They had a brother whose name I can't quite remember but presumably died to something to do with the Devil, if I remember correctly. All the more reason to want to do away with the paranormal. Could they be the same brothers that the previous case was about? Probably not, but interesting that we have some characters with a direct history with the Devil. I just really think it's funny that this is the second time Luis has played a character with a "body double" if that makes sense. I don't quite know how to articulate it but out there exists some sort of Venn-Diagram between Damir and Luci/Fer with a non-zero middle part.

Anyway very interesting combat strategy they have, with Damir using rituals to buff Boris' weapon and defense for combat. They both care deeply about each other, as is obvious with the ways they try to stick close and protect each other. They're not just siblings, they're a functional duo! Also I believe it was Demir who said, when "the Devil" showed up, "This is not our fight." Something like that. Do I sense a hint of reluctance to fight for the Escriptas? To lay down your life for them? Why join in the first place? Is it better to cut your losses? Incheresting... (I could also be completely making this up, but I'm too lazy to go back and check.)

T-Bag! The rabid feral dog of the team! Auto subs hated whatever the hell he was saying about killing his dad but I'm convinced that 50% of what was coming out of his mouth was unhinged nonsense so it's...alright, I suppose. I find it infinitely hilarious that this guy has one of the largest sanity stats of the whole team. Yeah he might be crazy but he's not crazy, you know? His craziness is not a detriment to him, it's just how he is. Just a hungry little cannibal guy <3 Just looking for his next meal <3 Eating Artemis' possum for a snack to tide him over <3

Artemis! Firstly her personality is. So funny? Whenever shit is going down she always seems annoyed, like, "Man, now this is happening? Come on. 🙄" And meanwhile the "this" that is happening is a bunch of people are beating the shit out of each other and trying to murder her. When Gal (we'll get to him a second don't worry) sat down on that table in the front room to do his typical postering bullshit, Artemis just rolled her eyes and shoved him out of the way so that she could level her sniper on it. And that endeared me to her immediately <3 So sorry Triz's little possum friend got eaten two seconds into the season. 2 for 2 on dead animal friends, I'm afraid. Funny to think about how the Marcados are (theoretically) connected to each other by their players, and Triz's characters unfortunately inherited the link of "Animal friends who perch on your shoulder get their necks snapped." Sorry :T

Oh yeah and she's a cannibal too! Diversity win! There are two cannibals on the team and they are very different people who come from clearly very different walks of life and have a different style of cannibalism! That really caught me off guard. When she started to eat the dead body beside T-Bag I was shocked and absolutely delighted. Oh, she's a little fucked up too! And she can shape-shift, apparently! Artemis always kept me guessing this episode. Love her <3

Teammates <3

And of course, we now come to Gal. The bastard. The melodramatic sadistic motherfucker who's been here since the beginning of this shitshow. I've said this a billion times in the discord but GOD I love how João plays him. João's performative playstyle is absolutely perfect for a performative, arrogant character like Gal. Ever since his first appearance in OPD, João has put his heart and soul into making this character fucking rotten and wrong and sick, and it works. so. well. Like I said, you LOVE to hate this guy. Gal is a fantastic character, expertly crafted to be the perfect villain. Even on a meta level---João will sometimes go as far as to interrupt Cellbit just to keep being evil (cutting off the closing narration of OPD ep 6 to continue describing how Gal goads at Joui and co about Liz's death, to keep counting up his dice on the attack on the first Leone even after Cellbit has told him the guy is dead) and even goad the players (OPD finale, at Guaxi: "Might want to start thinking about a new character, eh?") to make sure that you hate this guy's putrid shriveled guts. No joke, when João showed up on the screen and Gal's little icon appeared on the tabletop, I just about foamed at the mouth.

My genuine reaction on discord.

GOD I love Gal. I want to rip his throat out with my bare hands. I would do unspeakable things to this character and I do NOT mean in the sexy way.

But! We got to see a little more of Gal as a person this session, which I really loved. Seeing him outside of combat and interacting with his subordinates was so much fun. He's fond of some of the Escriptas under his command (when they're not annoying him), especially his "son" Dagan. The way he treats Dagan is almost pet-like and sickly sweet, emphasis on the sickly. He ruffles his hair, brings him gifts, smiles fondly at the thought of Dagan having fun murdering a bunch of people in the rooms upstairs. Honestly it's kind of cute? In a fucked up way to be sure. Still cute though. That's Gal's little guy! Everyone needs a little guy!

I think at the heart of Gal's leadership style is that he has no patience for dealing with people who he thinks should know better. Otherwise, he's chill with you---or as chill as this sadistic bastard can be---and will even try to care for you.

POV: you have to explain to your stupid lackey for the second time that the evidence needs to be translated because you don't speak Italian.

Because on some level, he cares. It shows in how he treats Dagan, it shows on how gently he treated that one soft-spoken girl with the dyed hair (whereas Damir just snapped at her for not making eye-contact when she was talking to him, the dick), it shows in how he tried to do something stop Signore Leone from advancing when Signore Leone used his lionhead mace to throw Artemis against the wall, and it shows how when "the Devil" showed up, Gal looked to Kian and said, "Don't let them [the Escriptas upstairs] die." Even if he knows that all of them will have to die in the end to achieve Kian's goal of destroying the paranormal, some part of him still cares about his team. Sure, it could be that he just wants to make sure that they maintain enough man-power to see the job all the way through, but...no, it's not entirely that. There's something under the surface there, as twisted as he may be. He is not immune to giving a damn.

Kian. This guy. Fucking nerd. I don't dislike his character but I don't have any super strong feelings about him, probably because we haven't seen him as a character very much at this point. His reasoning behind destroying the paranormal is still some whack-ass shit. Over 4000 years to come up with a plan and THIS is what you arrive at? You're kidding. For a guy who """knows everything""" how could you POSSIBLY miss the detail that massacring thousands of people would, I dunno, CAUSE AGONY AND FEAR, which would, I dunno, WEAKEN THE MEMBRANE AND THUS MAKE THE PARANORMAL INFLUENCE IN THE WORLD WORSE. Chopping heads off hydras is what he's doing. Idiot.

It's talked about during Gal's conversation with Signora Leone in the office upstairs. Interesting for a character to understand and possibly even sympathize with the Escriptas' motivation. Signora Leone wants the paranormal to end too! She would do anything to rid the world of it---anything, that is, that doesn't require murdering thousands of innocent people. Gal tries to justify the mess downstairs as "it's the paranormal that's killing your family" like no bro I'm pretty sure that was you?? I get what he's saying, but if the paranormal no longer exists, or if the world was somehow reformed so that it's like the paranormal never existed, who's to say that the Leone family still wouldn't be involved in some sort of dangerous, non-paranormal dealings? It's such a subjective argument. Second grade level of critical thinking. Guess that's what happens when you get indoctrinated into a cult. "Kian sabe" oh please Kian doesn't "sabe" shit.

Anyway, that's about all I have about this episode. The NPCs were cool, watching Gal babysit his gaggle of weirdos was fun, and I liked the part where they nearly blew up T-Bag by firing a bazooka into a (closed) safe. They're so good at this.

Huh, feel like I'm...forgetting something...

OH WAIT.

JOUI IS BACK! MY BOY! MY BESTEST FAVORITEST BOY IS BACK AND HE IS PISSED.

Good lord. I actually screamed when this happened. I just. Okay how do I manage to take the chanting of jouijouijouijouijouijoui in my head and turn it into something intelligible by other human beings.

Let's start with the fact that I LITERALLY posted my Joui sword OPD rambles when I was less than an hour of episode away from this fight. I was over here angsting over the loss of Joui and missing him and talking about how fucked up it is that Mascara-Joui still has his sword, and then I get hit with this. I just. Okay! Sure! Why not!

To be clear: yes, I had seen Joui's OPC character miniature online before, both with and without the mask, and I knew from friends on the discord that Mascara-Joui had a stat sheet and he was STRONG. But, I figured that because Joui is still technically hanging around, it would make sense that maybe he could be like, a fight-assist NPC that would show up at some point to help the Ordem crew. Still an NPC, still emotionless, still masked, still not really Joui. So to see Luba return and play a version of Joui that CLEARLY retains his Joui-ness had me falling out of my chair. It was the last thing I expected. I really thought Joui's fate would be final, a no-going-back deal, since that's a pretty common theme with Ordem---permanent, inescapable consequences. I really thought that everything that made Joui Joui would be lost forever.

But no. Despite everything, Joui is still here, and he is not empty---he has his hate.

So many fucking questions. Most important of all: how is Joui here? He seems to have retained his memories from before he got masked (some of them, at least) but doesn't recognize who Kian is, mistaking him for Luci/Fer. I've got...one theory. Bear with me now. We know that the Devil is some sort of big-shot paranormal entity thing* who seems to thrive off of making pacts with humans. So, the Devil would not be too happy with people who are trying to stop the paranormal. This would include both the Order and the Escriptas, and especially the Escriptas since they're seeking to end the paranormal for good. So, perhaps the Devil used its power (made a pact with Joui somehow?) to restore Mascara-Joui and send him after the Escriptas. The Devil HAS to have something to do with this, considering the walls began to bleed when Joui showed up upstairs---something we know from ep 1 signals the arrival of the Devil---and the mention on the radio of someone claiming to see the Devil (perhaps it made a brief appearance before leaving Joui to it).

*A correction to the previous journal post: this is not the first time we have encountered a seemingly sentient paranormal entity! The God of Death from OSNF was clearly intelligent as well! I have other thoughts about this but they're kinda meta so I won't put them here.

Also, Joui is a very Death-coded character: his pensiveness and the fact that he often thinks back on what has happened when he meditates, the motif of death hanging over him since that night in the graveyard where his friends died, being frozen and helpless to the inevitable as Liz was killed in front of him, his dead-set motive to kill all of the Escriptas following said death, his fate being taken out of his hands and sealed when he made the deal with the Mascaras (more inevitability) and being in a downward spiral trying to kill himself in combat over and over leading up to the deadline. There's probably the more, but that's the gist. I do believe Joui's NEX is well beyond 50%, and he's got to be Death.

Here, though, I see both Death and Blood. Death is in his single-mindedness in this fight. He's like a force of nature, unstoppable, inescapable, inevitable. Given enough time in that fight, he would've killed them all, there's no doubt about it. Blood is in the hate, the sheer hate, he has for Gal and the Escriptas. It is potent. Death is often distinguished the absence of emotion and the inconsequentiality of the flesh, so the hate and violent rage Joui feels cannot be from Death. It has to be Blood, and the Devil I'm sure would be happy to help fill in those gaps. Joui's hate and anger brewed for a majority of OPD, so the Devil has plenty to work with. I love to see my boy cranked up to an 11.

And the fight. Needless to say, it was incredible. Every line out of Luba's mouth was a banger, every attack and action he did had me losing my mind. What I loved the most was how Cellbit, Luba, and João worked together to make Joui Jouki the scariest motherfucker ever. Both João and Luba can be pretty descriptive with their character's actions, so they complimented each other perfectly. João's RP skills really shone here, playing into the choices that Joui made and making it clear how affected Gal was by this fight. If you've got the guy who revels in pain fleeing from the fight, you know it's serious. When Joui cut off Gal's arm and Luba apologized to João ("sorry, friend") João just smiled, nodded, and respected it. God that is. PEAK RP right there. Genuine appreciation for other players' decisions, even if it's at the expense of your own character.

And actually---who says it's an expense? Gal has clearly been shaken up by this fight. Like João said, he's in shock. He lost his arm, the Escriptas are being slaughtered all around him, and Kian has seemingly abandoned him. There's plenty for João to work with here. I'm excited to see what he does with Gal, now that Gal's façade has finally cracked.

A final note about Joui... He really has changed, hasn't he? Yes, the anger is his. As I said, it's been brewing since OPD, but here, he is just out of control. No more of that self-discipline. He doesn't care anymore. He's angry. His hatred is beyond words. He has nothing but fury living inside him. Maybe that really is all he has left. I love the detail that his sword now heals people, but heals them wrong: a painful, twisted scar, leaving the flesh "rotten." That's what Joui kind of feels like now. A scar that healed wrong. A man restored but twisted by his pain and anger. And he will kill them all, one by one.

[FOLLOWING CONSTAINS SPOILERS FOR QUARANTENA]

And to finish it off: Joui tearing Hanna apart, limb from limb, furious, not reveling in it but dead-set on making her suffer just as he has before finally, finally killing her. Not really Nidere-core (Nidere definitely reveled in it fhdsk) but it is in my heart. Ouppy <3

[mask131]

You know how there is a tendency by the USA industries to copy famous British shows? The Office. Ghosts. Skins. Being Human. Shameless. Queer as Folk. Men Behaving Badly. All these shows have a UK vs US version. And everybody keeps talking about the differences and comparisons. It is such a well-known and documented phenomenon that Wikipedia has a FRIGGIN' LIST of American shows based on English ones (here it is if you want to check it out). They even tried to do an American Absolutely Fabulous! Can you believe that? There is an unpicked pilot out there for an American "AbFab" show! Crazy...

There is however a very similar phenomenon nobody talks about (probably because it does not involve English-speaking media, hence why people are less interested in this).

Turns out there is quite a handful of American movies "based" (cough cough) on French movies! Ranging from straight-up remakes to rip-offs "inspired by".

Recently, as I was looking at a video dissecting some American comedies that failed at the box-office, I discovered this movie:

"Dinner for Schmucks". Released in 2010. Just by looking at the movie's title and poster I already knew what it was about and could tell you all about it. No, not because I watched it - but because this is actually an American copy of one of the most famous French comedies of the 90s: "Le dîner de cons"

Jay Roach, "Dinner for Schmucks" director, denied any claim that his movie was a remake of the French one. He said it was merely "inspired" by Le dîner de cons. But it is pretty HEAVILY influenced if you ask me.

You must understand that Le dîner de cons is still to this day considered one of the great classics of French comedy. It was a movie adaptation of a theater play of the same name. The same guy did the theater play and the movie (Francis Veber), and the same guy played the titular "Schmuck" in both media: Jacques Villeret. Jacques Villeret whose role in Le dîner de cons stays his most memorable and iconic character to date. To tell you how big this movie was, when it was released in France it was the second most-watched movie of the year, right behind... Titanic.

So when you compare that to this American movie. An American movie that bombed and was deemed a failure. And when you take into account the fact none of the fans of the American movie seem to even know the existence of the French one, despite this being a movie EVERYBODY in France knows at least by name... Argh.

Now... this discovery did surprise me, but it did not surprise me THAT much. Because I was aware of something similar that had happened before.

I am a big fan of another great classic of French comedy. Le Père Noël est une ordure (Santa Claus is an asshole).

This 1982 movie (again, based on a previous theater play and reusing most of the same actors as on the stage version) is still considered to this day a classic in many ways. A classic of dark French comedy ; a classic of Christmas movies in France ; and one of the master-pieces of the comedy group Le Splendid, right behind their movies Les Bronzés. Just like with Un dîner de cons, most French people can recognize its visuals or quote you a line, even if they didn't actually see the movie. [If you ask me... I am much more of a fan of the stage play. The movie is the most famous of the two, but I saw the theater play first, and the two pieces differ mostly with their endings. The movie's ending is dark but happy/optimistic ; while the play's ending is hilarious grim and devastating. But that's mostly a question of tastes.]

Anyway, since I was a fan I bought the official companion book about the movie, and that's in there that I discovered the existence of 1994's Mixed Nuts.

An American comedy movie that was a re... Oh sorry, just like for "Dinner for Schmucks", the people behind this movie refused to say it was a "remake". They said it was merely "based on" the French movie. And just like "Dinner for Schmucks", it was a big failure.

I distinctively remember how the person who wrote for the French companion book was not kind AT ALL on this American movie. Notably they pointed out that one of the reason it failed in the USA, and nobody wanted to see it in France, was because it took this dark comedy about suicide and couple abuse and murder (it is still hilarious fun, trust me), and tried to turn it into a "politically correct" optimistic, all-family comedy a la "typical American comedy". Except the core story was designed to be about the dark side of Christmas, the hypocrisy of society (and of Christmas), and just a bunch of not-nice, not-good people getting stuck together on one Christmas night filled with blood, sex and despair (again, it is actually VERY FUN, I assure you). Something that was deemed not "palatable" enough for American audiences.

These two cases being brought up, I got curious and I went on Wikipedia to check if there were other American movies "inspired by", "remaking" or just "blatantly ripping-off" French movies. And I was NOT disappointed!

There's too many to list, but I will leave the most jarring, shocking or flabbergasting cases (at last for me, a French person) under the cut. I mean, I knew about the US vs UK tv shows battles, and I knew about the American remakes of J-Horror (The Grudge, The Ring), but I never thought they'd have done something similar with French cinema!

And you know what the worst thing is? Most of these American remakes were failures, right? And the French movies were much more successful and famous than them... Yet, most American people know only about their American movies, which failed, and don't know one piece of info about the French movies, despite them still being showed and talked to this day. This is honestly such a jarring cultural gap. [And also a confirmation that American movie industry would rather remake dozens and dozens of foreign movies rather than bother releasing them dubbed or subtitled. Crazy.] Hopefully things are changing a bit because today, due to how the Internet exists, the original French pieces are talked about much more. People know better the original Taxi movie or the Les Intouchables movie than their American remake... Still though...

Anyway here is the list of these cinematic crimes underneath the cut

2000's Under Suspicion. Created out of the classic French thriller Garde à vue, a greatly awarded movie that gathered two legends of French cinema, Lino Ventura and Michel Serrault (and which is Serrault's darkest role ever).

2017's The Upside. Created out of 2011's Intouchables, an international success of a comedy that notably turned small-career actor Omar Sy into one of the huge names of French cinema.

2004's Taxi. A failed remake attempting to cash on 1998's Taxi, the movie that started the immensely famous Taxi movie franchise.

1998's Pure Luck. Not many people know this movie is based on 1981's La Chèvre, one of the famous comedies of actor Pierre Richard. (And there's the... other guy. Better not talk of him for a while Xp)

2015's Martyrs. A remake of what is considered one of the most famous (and disturbing) French horror movies of the 2000s: 2008's Martyrs, one of the big names of the "New French Extremism". (Well it is Franco-Canadian... But still)

1991's Oscar. A remake of 1967's Oscar, one of the great comedies of the 60s featuring the comedy legend Louis de Funès.

1996's The Birdcage. Created out of 1978's La Cage aux Folles, the most iconic role of Michel Serrault (in the comedy genre) and a very influential piece of fiction when it comes to depictions of gay couples and drag queens in French cinema.

1988's And God Created Woman. An American remake of 1956's Et Dieu... créa la femme, aka the movie that turned Brigitte Bardot into an international star.

2021's CODA. An American remake of 2014's La Famille Bélier. I think it was the first big movie of Louane, and it was notoriously talked about for having a big representation of people with earing problems since it is about a talented singer born into a family of deaf people. (And it is not a comedy, it is a drama movie).

By all of the hells, even Some Like it Hot! Yes even Some Like it Hot was inspired by a French movie: 1935's Fanfare d'amour!

If you want to see more, just look at the Wikipedia category for "American remakes of French movies".

[klm-zoflorr]

For the character ask game whose name I forgot… I am also requesting Jon if that’s alright. If not may I request Sasha?

Okayge sorry I'm answering Sasha first because ive got the brainworms right now. Thanks.

First impression: So the first appearance of Sasha we get is the Michael statement I think? Or the calliope bit. I don't really remember. Anyways I think i heard of her before in the fandom perhaps. I... Honestly don't remember what idea of her i got. Maybe that people missed her and wished she had more time lmao

Anyways, her first appearance rolled in and in addition to everything Jon said about her (that she was smart and competent) it struck me how much sheer main character energy i got out of her. She's brave too i feel like. I loved her dynamic with Jon! And her voice is so neat. Idk. I think it was love at first sight (first listen)

Impression now: So i don't feel like listening to the rest of the podcast changed my impression that much, cause obviously, yknow, she has no screen time LOL. But I explored her character on my own a bit i think. She's very only superficially analysed by the fandom i feel and it makes me sad :( anyways she's my wife and my prettiest princess and i love her and i want to wrap her in a blanket and give her everything good and turn her into an eye avatar and feed her innocents trauma lmao. I want only good things for her and she's not dying again on my watch :/

Favorite moment: I think it's when, during the prentiss attack, she gets out of document storage to save tim. It both shows how much she cares and also her absolute bravery and selflessness to the point of foolishness. We were all screaming for Tim to notice Jane. And this badass motherfucker was the one who actually went and jumped at him to get him out. Girl! Hell yeah! Also her quick thinking, she ran towards the exit after that. And the fire alarm... I love her discussion with elias after that, and her recalling her time in artefact storage... And then she dies. The best really are gone first (this says a lot about martin i guess lol. SORRY XD)

Unpopular opinion: So like, you know in episode 161 or 162 when she's talking with tim and she says it could never have worked between them? I feel like a lot of people saw that and went "she's aro" and like power to you obviously hc what you want but i feel like basing it on this singular piece of dialogue is. Meh. Like... Sometimes two people who are hot and smart and funny and nice and allo and get along well just won't work romantically and. That's fine that's normal. Idk yeah that's just that. My hot take!

Idea for a story: gosh. Ummmm. Need to come up with a new one. It's about sasha... And... Okay i want her to interact with elias. What are they doing? Okay okay NO i think sasha and the not them should argue and maybe pull each other's pigtails. In heaven or hell or purgatory or the inside of sasha's mind whatever. I think that would be quite fun.

Favorite relationship: you know what? I was all for Michael & Sasha's fun little thang and I still am. Bite me.

Favorite headcanon: mmmh. I think she would be an excellent eye avatar and wouldn't have many qualms with losing her humanity. I don't think she cares about hurting people because she digs into their lives, at least if it's people she doesn't care about. Like she's nice to her friends, but everyone else? She might actually be a bit of a bully and I am all for it.

Thank you for the ask!!!; i mighte do jon later maybe idk. Bye for now.

[intuitive-revelations]

Ok so... that episode. Mixed thoughts. First half I felt was really strong. The second half...well.

As usual I'm going to kind of vomit my thoughts out as bullet points. It'll be quite rough though, as I'm way too tired to break these down more carefully right now, and just want to say my piece before I go to bed:

LOL at UNIT being so out in the open now. Couldn't help but think of all the big bold 'secret' signs from the classic series when I saw that.

The Vlinx is a really odd addition... did anyone else think about Splinx (from the Mines of Terror game) when they heard the name?

MEL! I did find it curious that some of the reporting on her appearance was ambiguous about when it would be, so I guess that explains that. Kind of an odd choice for a UNIT / Toymaker story, but establishing her as a character at UNIT works fine.

Now that I think about it, wasn't POTD specifically written with awareness of who / what RTD would be using in the specials? If so, I guess that explains why Mel didn't play a part in the plot.

Speaking of which, they're definitely going for this UNIT spin-off aren't they? I mean... makes sense. It seems they're building off what we saw in POTD anyway.

Trinity Wells coming back was a fun surprise, given how long it's been since we've seen her.

The political commentary of 'being right' is kind of perfect. Between this and the trans representation in The Star Beast, it kind of feels like RTD is laying out this thesis for the next few years.

I kind of like how they did the Toymaker in this one? Though he's perhaps a little too flamboyant and 'Master'-y for me, I do think the stuff with his accents etc was quite clever. I also think there was clearly some thought about the more dated racial stuff with the character, which that line about the weather kinda felt like it was hinting at?

I liked all the little ways they hinted at the Toymaker's "crystal guardian" backstory, with him sitting outside of "Chaos and Order".

Speaking of which... did he imply he beat the the Black and White Guardians? Cause if so...

Not gonna lie, when the Doctor started talking about a mistake he made when he was young, a part of me really genuinely thought they were about to mention Divided Loyalties. The line about the 'face' the Toymaker wore didn't help.

I'm also glad we got the Celestial Toyroom stuff, as I wasn't sure how much we were going to get in this episode? I think the creepiness with modern effects was great. I kind of wish we got to spend more time there though, ala the original story.

Conversely, I also feel like we could have gotten a bit more out of the idea of the Toymaker escaping into the universe? We got a glimpse of that in 'realistic' terms with the outer world, and a more campy fun vibe inside UNIT, but I would equally love much more focus on the world going mad, both mentally, but also physically. I dunno, it feels like there's two ambitious stories you could have gone with, but the episode kind of half-and-halfed it.

The stuff with Amy, Clara, Bill and the Flux. I needed that. Seriously. As someone whose literally spent all last week thinking about how it's all been one line of tragedies for the Doctor, connected from one to the other, getting that acknowledged in text was great.

The twist with the Master getting trapped too was a bizarre addtion, and honestly unnecessary. It felt like that story (I can't remember which, sorry EU fans, an EDA I think) which offhandedly implies both the Master and Rani are dead. I feel it could have worked a bit better if it was another major character we haven't heard of in some time, like Rassilon or someone, instead of someone we saw just a few episodes ago.

I will say the games were disappointing. I get there's only so much you can do with recognisable simple games, but I definitely wish we got something a bit more complex than "biggest number wins" and "catch". This is a story that really needed a good resolution, ideally based on the Doctor outwitting the Toymaker, and we didn't really get that. I'm not upset about it, just felt weak.

That being said, the focus on rules with regards to 'best of three' was perfect. Exactly what I wanted more of tbh.

I'm surprised by the "One Who Waits", after being teased in marketing as referring to the Toymaker, actually being someone else. RTD's been doing a surprising amount of sequel hooking actually...

I'll get more into the mechanics in a second, but I do like the resolution being about the Doctor's own mental health? It feels like the right conclusion, not just based on the past couple episodes, but also based on Thirteen's character arc, as well as everything that happened before her. I'm sure fans will (rightfully) eat that up and talk about it a lot.

Ok, so let's seperate out the BIG thing, and my thoughts on it. Warning: I'm about to get uncharacteristically negative for me:

I had seen the leaks about the bigeneration, and am really disappointed at how accurate they were, though I had kind of accepted it based on the accuracy of The Star Beast's leaks.

Funny enough, I genuinely do quite like ideas of weird stuff to do with regenerations in terms of splitting etc. I genuinely have had some thought before about the idea of it from an assimilation kind of view, merging together, kind of a more horror-y take on the Master's plan in POTD.

But... did we have to do this with Tennant? I mean, don't get me wrong I love him and have genuinely loved what he brought to Fourteen, distinguishing him from Ten and giving him the feel of that extra history since then... but did he really need to be the Doctor to get a life after regeneration? After all, Ten is the one who 'didn't want to go'. Granted him such a thing really feels like it's going against not just the 'embrace change' message of DW in general, but even Ten's own arc specifically?

(This is a thought I had after writing everything else here, but it's also kind of messed up that he's the one to get this conclusion, when we literally just had a whole arc about 13 and Yaz not having enough time together because of 13's incoming regeneration...?)

I don't think I need to spell out the issues of having two 'current' Doctors, not just in-universe, but also out of universe, and the shadow that now hangs over Ncuti's series, whether or not we get more with 14. The TARDIS splitting was really bad too.

That being said, there is one saving grace, in that it's seemingly implied that the rest of 14's life still comes before 15, somehow, based on what the latter said about being better because 14 will take the time to rest, recover and reflect on everything that's happened?

This is the one thing that doesn't make me want to throw the resolution away, as it does seemingly provide some clarity. If RTD sticks by that line, it would suggest it's less that there's two whole new Doctors, and more that 14 has been given some grace of having a bit more time before he turns into 15. That there's still technically a linear progression of Doctors, it's just one gets to hang around a little while to give the new one a cleaner mental slate. How on earth that would work however, is a whole other question...

I mean... couldn't we have just done this by time travel instead? Rather than introduce this whole new, kinda show-breaking concept? You could still get your hypothetical Tennant and past companions miniseries (which seems like it'll be a thing) or whatever alongside 15's own debut. Just let it be non-linear, and let us meet and travel with 15 before we get a peaceful, recovered 14 regeneration?

Also... if we ARE going play fast and loose with the ideas of regeneration... why didn't Tennant's face coming back play into this? Like... what a weird choice to make that the 'mystery' of the specials, throw in a crazy regeneration sequence... then just suggest it's a bit of a subconscious message. If we are going to get crazy with what regeneration can do, why not go all in with stuff like the Guardians of the Edge, or the Valeyard or something? Have fun with the internal identities lore of regeneration?

So yeah, to summarise my thoughts on the bigeneration... I really think RTD might have gone a step too far this time. I spent a little time after the last episode talking about how the lack of resolution on the Flux was one of my bigger complaints about the Chibnall era, but this writing decision feels even more baffling. If Doctor Who is going to have a 'jumping the shark' moment, we might have just witnessed it.

That being said, as someone who hates being too negative, I did find a silver lining in that the dialogue implies he's planned ahead how to get out of some of these issues, with regards to two concurrent Doctors etc. It just doesn't feel good being in this situation at all, when it wasn't needed in the first place.

Overall thoughts

I didn't hate the episode. In fact I was very much in to most of it! There were a lot of good ideas, across the Toymaker, the Giggle etc. although I do feel some were woefully underused within the episode. It's just that they're all kind of marred by that one big bad idea at the end.

Like I said, the stuff focusing on the Toymaker and the Doctor's history, plus his time since he travelled with Donna was great. The Giggle was a fun satirical concept, if again underused, and the Toymaker's argument for targetting Earth was pretty great. The resolution of forcing the Doctor to settle down, for a little while, and be with friends is decent too, and a nice conclusion to come to, even if the way it came about was a mess.

I suspect, and hope, we might get some more details not just about how this will all work (or maybe just opening up the question without getting too specific), but also about any possible plans for spin-offs and whether or not they will overlap with the stuff in this episode, which may or may not alleviate my worries.

But for now.... yeah, I'm concerned, sorry.

[theroomfloor]

Today I will speak as both a reader and a beginning writer. Sit down because a big text is coming.

And sorry for any mistakes, my English isn't the best

I want to say some compliments and thanks to @evilwriter37! <333333

I've always loved the HTTYD franchise, I've lost count of how many times I've watched the first movie. But I was never part of the fandom, I was always outside of it. Until one day, when I was watching RTTE again, and I remembered how much I liked the dagcup ship. I searched for fanarts but didn't find much on Instagram, so I ventured into Ao3. And it was like falling into a bottomless hole, a hole that I never want to get out of. Guess whose first fanfic I read was? That's it, one of yours. Well, (un)fortunately I choose a complicated fanfic to be my first, it was Ball, Chain, and Dagur, and wow, it was an… experience.

I can't measure how angry I was reading this fic. How painful it was to see my favorite character doing those atrocities. I think I like seeing myself suffer. Every chapter was me wanting to kill Dagur in several different ways. And when I got to the end and discovered that there was no ending because you gave up on the fic (a little warning at the beginning would be nice), it made me want to throw my cell phone against the wall.

Anyway, I just let it go. So at that time I never paid attention to who wrote the fics, I never left comments or kudos either (but in my defense I didn't know how to use ao3, it was new to me). I read other dagcup fanfics by other authors and yours too, but I didn't pay attention to who wrote them. Until one day I read Ruined Together and All Because of a Kiss and I loved it (even though they are far from being cute fics, I always read them again. I think I really like seeing myself suffer).

That's when I first looked at who wrote it, the name was familiar and then it hit me "wait, is this the same guy who wrote Ball, Chain, and Dagur?". It got me thinking, the same guy wrote a story I love and another one I hate. Then I bit my tongue and cursed myself "stop being an idiot, there are people who wrote that".

So I started paying attention to the authors. I went deeper into your fics and threw in the towel, you're my favorite for sure. And with that I arrived here on Tumblr, and god, the fandom was all here and I didn't know. From then I started trying to interact more. You weren't the first person I commented on in a fic, to be honest I was embarrassed to comment especially on your fics, but today I do as much as I can to show my support. And I started to loosen up more here too, making drawings, posting memes, reblogging a lot of things.

It's been a really fun phase and I'm very grateful for it. You were like a light to me, you opened doors to many new things that I never thought I would like. I hope it takes a long time to end.

The irony of it all is that, today, when I think about Ball, Chain, and Dagur I have a feeling of great affection, because it was the beginning of everything. And it's among my favorite fics now, even with all the hate. Whenever you post a new fic, even if I don't favorite it, I'm sure it will be a read that I won't regret, because everything you do is so good and well written, that just for the experience it's worth it.

You brought me into the fandom. And you encouraged me to create for it, with fanarts and now with my own stories. I'm just starting out but I want to move forward with this. So… Thank you very much!!💗

I hope you always stay motivated to continue because I will definitely be here!

[aria0fgold]

Hi, I'm Aria! Am now 24 years old >:3

'tis me ^ (old art but it's all I got. resized to tiny. as I am.)

'tis me too ^ (new art yay! resized as tiny once again.)

Any pronouns okay! I don't mind really! I use she/her for myself :3

Am writer!!! Aria0fGold in ao3 too, and a beginner artist! I have many interests :D But I'm currently hyperfixated on two, OMORI and Mahoutsukai no Yakusoku (Mahoyaku/mhyk for short). You're gonna see me talk a lot bout em.

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List of My OMORI AUs ehe

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Other interests are:

Detective Conan (Conan my disastrous son...)

Project Sekai (Emu is a sweetheart of a daughter and Akito is a rebellious son whose white knight card never came home)

AI: The Somnium Files (Mizuki and Iris are my daughters now and I will follow Boss to the ends of the world)

Pokemon (My childhood, only played up to B/W2 though and pmd sky? + the time one. It's been years since then)

TWEWY (Neku was a jerk but he was my jerk of a son and you're doing good sweetie)

Honkai Impact 3rd (Rarely play it now but Seele and Veliona are my daughters, Elysia and Eden are my queens)

Genshin Impact (Barely play it now too but Qiqi, Noelle, and Yoimiya are my daughters. And I hate Childe[lovingly])

Honkai Star Rail (Active in it, Asia server ehe. Seele all grown up now, proud of her. I hate Luocha and Kafka[lovingly])

And many more!!! Those are the ones I can list off the top of my head but there's lots more, like other anime, games, manga, manwha, manhua, songs (Mili)!

I love OCs too! I love anyone's OCs! I have a lot of OCs but you'll sometimes see me talking about mainly 5 (Alec, Ray, Water, Sephirah, Mel) + 1, the plus one is my OMORI OC that I've been neglecting for a while, sorry bout that Patch, dear.

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A list of my tags! I need this myself too:

aria rants - for when I talk about nearly anything

aria rbs - for reblogs (aria srb for self reblog)

ariart - for my art! :3

arianswer - for when I answer asks!

ariau - for my AUs! It's mainly OMORI AUs though!

ariawrites - for the very rare writing I put out

ariafic - for posting links of fics that I've written :D

ariaplays: [name of game here] - for when I live blog some of my reactions for a game I'm playing, used it for aistf! (ariaplays: aistf, the tag for it basically)

There's more, I'm sure there's more, but I can't remember them... But those are the main ones I use anyway so that's fine!

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Some more stuff about me:

Can be very talkative, I like rambling in the tags a lot, I put many additional thoughts there ehe.

I adore Omori (character) a lot, he is the bestest ever. And I adore Cain Knightley very much, and Owen, and I am a caiowe/owecai shipper (they make me insane)

There's multiple ships that I like in OMORI. I like photobomb, as well as sunflower, and kel/basil (I failed you both I'm sorry I don't know your shipname), suntan, sunny/aubrey (I failed em too, I'm sorry my brain aint braining well with remembering shipnames). Even the polycule ships are nice too. And heromari, of course :D

Feel free to send me asks! or dms! or tag me! I don't mind really, I like interacting with people. But at the same time I can be an awkward bunny that also doesn't know how to interact with people... unless you're a mutual, you'll be seeing me a lot then >:3

It's a surprise really how I managed to have mutuals, I love yall <3

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Aaannndd that's a wrap! Might edit this in the future to add more or something but I'm satisfied with this for now! Thank you for reading and have a nice day ehe! :3

[neonstatic]

sex ed season four... not surprised the writers had no idea it was the last season. it's definitely the weakest season. i still remember how hooked in i was by s1 and s2, and i was in love w otis and eric's friendship and deeply related to both their personal struggles. and ofc i love all the characters too: maeve, aimee, ruby (ofc), adam (yes him too ofc!!), viv (underused underrated), jackson (ditto), isaac (literally my husband) and jean (milf).

i think the season lost me bc of its setting? why is cavendish some sort of lgbt haven school. it rly pulled me out, felt v utopic. i loved that there were new trans characters---and that they had a v untypical dynamic. roman is a gnc trans man and abbi is a trans girl, and i expected they would have as close to heteronormative sex as possible but nope! (i personally found roman v charming, he's my bb boy. but wtf does he have his gf's name tattooed so big non his chest jesus) i liked that there was a deaf character, aisha, who is queer and poly...but all 3 of them were so lacking in personality. they felt like checkmarks :/ i liked cal's introduction to the story in s3 but they too feel like a checkmark. i know that they're nb, dysphoric, quiet, and like to smoke. that is sooo little info. even o---whose character was butchered and made into a villain post-production according to yasmine benoit, her creator---has a lot more personality. and ykno what, yeah o was very unlikeable. she looked smug and two-faced. me personally? i like that and i found her cool. it's still sad tho that it wasn't the intention at all, and that it makes one of the few ace characters in media into a manipulative dick whose coming out scene didn't feel genuine.

still glad maeve and otis broke up i rly couldn't stand them together anymore teehee no more push and pull, no more on-off!

eric meeting god was corny ok. wtv happened to realism. rly had to suspend my disbelief w this one. (lowkey also when the pastor went to the school ball. it feels too good to be true idk.) but it's fitting htat he wants to be a pastor. ruby should become a pr manager srsly. and she should date me. jackson and cal should get back together also. or not. i don't believe in hs sweethearts. (says the one who was classmates w elementary school sweethearts)

joanna was such an annoying character im sorry. why would you do that. and who tf is dan i dont remember him

anyway yeah you can tell it shouldn't have been the last season. i was happy to get a finale cus so many shows go on forever but yeah that wasn't a proper ending. oh well!

[trans-elrond]

for the fandom thing: hannibal and killing eve (i don't think i've seen u talk about them??? if u have seen them then soz lol...)

oh these are fantastic ones for me thank you!! i have seen 2 episodes of hannibal (but it was probably a decade ago) and 1 episode of killing eve (but it was like... 4 years ago) just fyi jkdfjkdfkjdfs i do know that hannibal was created by bryan fuller (and obviously is a silence of the lambs prequel) and there’s a ton of artsy inspirations and every episode is named after a dish/part of a meal? and that killing eve was a phoebe waller-bridge joint but emerald fennell of promising young woman showran it.

so hannibal. he’s a cannibal, obviously. also will’s therapist. will graham is a professor with like 20 rescue dogs, he also moonlights as a consultant for murder cases because of his spooky sensing powers. (a woman’s intuition!) i wanna say abigail’s dad (something something hobbs?) is one of the first murder victims he comes across and abigail is orphaned but she’s also secretly a killer but later she dies. RIP girlbosses. i do remember, vividly, the episode with the mushroom corpses. i think that was the episode where i quit the show actually. i don’t do great with body horror (though admittedly i was like 15 then so maybe as a whole 25 year old i could deal with it better and even find it cool??????? time will tell. maybe.)

so will and hannibal have this insane psychosexual relationship going on and i’m pretty sure each is seducing the other, but like, slowly. gillian anderson is in it. very cool. the Japanese actress who played Mercy Graves in Batman vs Superman is in it. (this fun fact thanks to my encyclopediac knowledge of DCEU casting.......) will tackles hannibal and leaps off a cliff at the end. there are definitely fics where they’re recovering together in some remote island and fucking, like, a lot.

killing eve: sandra oh my WIFE is... i want to say cia/fbi or something like that?? some sort of agency?? is she married to a lame man in the show too and she has a lesbian awakening?? i’m sorry i’ve definitely forgotten the entire pilot episode ljdsfjldfslk. villanelle is an assassin with 0 social skills but she kills a lot of people. sandra oh (whose character’s name i cannot remember WAIT A SECOND. IS SHE EVE? SHE’S GOT TO BE EVE RIGHT?) anyway sandra oh and villanelle are also engaged in an intense psychosexual relationship, so like, lesbian hannibal but less cannibalism and more assassinations.

i read a review of the finale and im pretty sure one or both of them dies. i think i also heard that the show gets worse throughout the seasons but still ends okay? i feel like the pilot didn’t hook me in but i do like sandra oh, jodie comer and phoebe waller-bridge a lot so maybe someday i’ll get back to it!!

[thegeminisage]

pls talk about structure. we love structure in this household. what's your favourite? - bma (also hi dunno if u remember me)

BESTIE OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU <3 sorry it took me so long to answer you, i had a lllllong day yesterday. this is such a long rambling ask i don't even know if it's what you wanted to know and you are not at ALL obligated to read the whole thing lol but here we go!!!

i actually remembered you asked me a semi-related question one time before which is here and at the time i was thinking of structure as in, like, Acts. acts of the story. and my answer was that i basically don't think about it too hard it usually organizes itself in the outline process. which is still semi true but what i referred to in THIS post (the one that prompted ur ask) which i am so excited about is the Layout Of The Scenes re: whose pov they are from and in what time period they are taking place, especially when you depart from sticking to the close third with one character for the entire fic. which is like BUBBLE BATH LAUGHING WOMAN.mp4!!!!!!!! i don't know if that's the kind of structure you get excited about but i am excited about it

what i mean by that is like. ok so like in anchor my structure was "alternating viewpoints," right, between the two guys i am writing the fic about. EVERY time the scene swapped i swapped povs between character a and character b. i was very very strict about this and even casually kept an eye on my scene length to try and give them the same amount of pov time. (who says you can't have two protagonists!!!) that worked out to both my benefit and detriment near the end of the story when i needed two big things to happen in a row where both scenes needed to be from character b's pov. i struggled with a long time on what to do about it and then figured out a way to slip a breather between them from character a's pov, and then it wound up that the story was actually better that way - not only did we need to calm down from the last thing before we built suspense for the next thing, but it allowed for some character a perspective for the previous scene, in which he was unable to really speak or act to tell us how he felt/what he thought because he was drugged. the structure in anchor was also fun because i got to plan out versions of a specific story that character b, an unreliable narrator, told (both to us and to himself), and in each chapter i had the goal of making the story just a little bit closer to the true version. i have a really good time doing gradual escalation like that (more on that in a minute).

so i really liked that alternating a/b/a/b/a/b etc structure, but it is hard to pull off! i don't know if i could have done it if the fic didn't have those guys be so incredibly isolated for most of the runtime. another structure i did that i really liked was for enter night, which was nonlinear but (for the most part) contained. this DOES involve acts - there were 3 "sections" to this fic. there was 1. everything that happened before sam and dean left bobby's house to protect the seals 2. the actual seal-protecting and then 3. the finale where meg enacted her grand plan. so while the chapters individually had everything happen out of order, we for the most part did not tend to put anything from one "act" in the section of another, except in places where you might put a dramatic flashback or flashforward anyways. (the prologue actually took place near the end of the fic, and near the end there is a flashback to something that happened at the beginning.)

and speaking on gradual escalation i also really enjoyed doing that in how arthur got his groove back. initially i really wanted to do an a/b structure for this one as well but it wasn't working because i didn't WANT to place equal importance on both characters (you will notice there is only One Guy with his name in the goddamn title and it is the one i am unfairly obsessed with). so i threw that out and instead adopted a system where with each chapter, the events of the plot would force arthur peel back one layer of anti-magic bias until he got to the heart of the problem (daddy issues with a side of existential crisis). i got to do other fun stuff in the spaces between that, but each chapter had a very precise goal, and i think the final product wound up being much tidier as a result (than, say, a fic like broken road, which i am proud of but which also had a much looser structure - the only thing that really gradually escalated there was how alarming dean's possession was becoming and it wasn't the Point of the story).

finally the structure i am working on RIGHT NOW for the undisclosed thing is something i am having fun with. instead of one structure for the entire story (it's too big!) i am having fun with a lot of little mini-structures. the story sort of has two halves, and three main pov characters. character a is actually the protagonist in this fandom, but i really also like character b and wanted her to have more screentime even though in this fandom she's usually someone who doesn't show up much, so i did the first chapter, the ENTIRE thing, from her pov. she and character a start the story in separate places, so i completely cut out her pov until they met one another, did an a/b structure for the first chapter they spent together, and then when they went their separate ways i have a character b scene at the start and end of every chapter, until the first half of the story ends.

meanwhile character c gets only TWO pov scenes in the first half of the story (one during her introduction, another during an event in which neither of the other two pov characters can logically be present) because in the first half of the story she is carrying a very big secret, and it's 1. hard to write around that from her own pov and 2. more immersive not to be able to get to know her in this time, since she is playing it all close to her chest. but later, in the second half of the story, after the secret's out, character a is...taken out of commission for awhile, and she gets ALL the pov scenes he might have had during that time, had he not been uh. unavailable. there is ALSO something of a verrry minor teeny tiny timeskip between the two halves, so in the second half of the story i am opening up the povs to include lots of the side characters, and at the start and/or end of every chapter i am using those scenes in a non-linear fashion to 1. explain what happened during the timeskip 2. solve a mystery about where an ancient-yet-advanced people disappeared to (are they dead, did they leave, not just what happened during the timeskip but what happened before the story even began).

to actually answer your question instead of rambling, i think i prefer that a/b structure and/or something nonlinear (never shall the twain meet, most likely, although i did get tempted to try for 12:46pm which is a deancas thing i will write eventually - part of why that's taking so long is that this kind of structuring is something i am struggling with). sorry for rambling so much! i hope at least some of it was a little interesting to you <3

[infernaltenor]

sorry to bother you but i've stumbled across your second and third? niki analyses, and they've been really interesting! niki's so... argh. he's the type of person who basically everyone finds really personable and friendly but from his single arrows on his relationship chart it looks like he doesn't actively try to deepen relationships with anyone unless they butt in trying to get to know him better. his condition and the way he was treated when he was younger because of it, combining with the stigma against his last name kinda snowballing his lack of self-esteem kills me... the idea that he doesn't deserve to do anything more than eat and survive because he's already enough of a burden on other people due to his condition makes me want to fall on the floor. and potentially, that his fixation on his skills as a chef could be because he only has confidence in preparing food since his entire life revolves around it...

there's a lot of interesting parallels between niki and mayoi because of this actually! despite them not having any real ties between them, they both don't really value themselves that highly because of parts of their identities... while mayoi's whole story hasn't been revealed, in black jack, it is mentioned that mayoi is an indigenous person whose family, ancestors, and others he knew live in tunnels under yumenosaki, and legally don't exist to the japanese government so he technically uses forged documents to prove his identity. since he seems to have lived underground for a large portion of his life and is distinctly aware of his status outside of general, 'normal' society, he tends to see himself as someone less human because of this. i wonder if since niki's condition makes him different from other people, a similar thing occurs to him because he perceives himself as lesser than others...?

anyway, i don't really have much more information on them and their relationship for you unfortunately... but something that you might want to look at could be some of paradisecorrupt's analyses (specifically on what the human/genius dichotomy is? it's not totally related to this, but it's a really interesting read about how enstars characters are written) if you're really interested in digging into general characterization. (also feel free to poke me in future! i'm unfortunately obsessed about alkakurei specifically their roles in the idol industry and society in general oops)

raaaaaaaaaa omg this is awesome actually. i largely don't poke around stuff that hasn't hit en yet, so i didn't know the stuff for black jack! i'm basically flailing around with what i have/remember to see how much i can get out of this lmao. honestly thanks for some of the further context though! i think i'll make updates as i come to new stuff since,,,,, niki gives me way too many thoughts.

[fandom-hoard]

Oh man this is the dynamic of these two characters I wrote ages ago, except the besties did find each other aesthetically pleasing, but they weren't sexually into each other (this was before I knew what asexuality was, much less that I was asexual so I thought aesthetic appreciation=sexual attraction). So they would do things like-

(I can't remember their names now so we'll call them Guy and Lady. They're partners at their World Saving Job and became roommates.)

"You go up the ladder first! You got to check out my butt last time- it's my turn!"

"Don't move! You look STUNNING rn lemme get phone"

"Are you languishing right now? Like Victorian-lady-on-a-fainting-couch-languishing?" "Yeah. Do I look tragically beautiful?" "You do, actually."

They both have particularly favorite features on each other. Guy likes Lady's: face game, hairline (weirdo), "ratio" (basically just means "chest, waist, booty" but insists it's "about the RATIO" and will not elaborate), and basically just how all her features work together. Lady is more specific and likes: eyes, nose, corners of his lips specifically (you know those people whose lips move in a particularly engaging way? That's him), arms, legs, back of his neck (she doesn't actually LIKE it as much as she finds it incredibly HUMAN somehow. She'll often cover it with her hand, or tug up his coat collar and adjust his scarf).

The point is, they both know what the other finds most delightful and will get petty about it.

Lady: *angrily wrapping a fifth scarf around her waist* Guy: ??? Lady: YOU DIDN'T DEFROST THE CHICKEN.

Lady: I'm not driving you to the airport at 3 AM. Guy: *slowly slides on dark sunglasses to hide his eyes* Lady: Are you serious? Guy: *speaking through the tightest pursed lips of all time* I hate you.

Anyway. Sorry to ramble you just awakened Memories of one of my favorite relationship dynamics so. Here we are.

I want the “undercover as a couple” trope where they never fall in love, they’re just best friends being silly.

So it’s like, “Dude is that seriously your A-game, how do you ever get laid?”

And trying to gross each other out by eating onions and tuna before kissing.

And nearly blowing the op because one of them slips a hand in the other one’s pants and finds a tiny army man in their underwear.

And playing the most competitive game of gay chicken ever where they’re not turned on but they’re stubbornly ripping each other’s clothes off before someone on comms is like, “Uhhh are you gonna stop?” And they’re both like, “NO! I will win this!”

And also the trust from knowing each other’s triggers and boundaries because they’ve seen each other through some Shit Relationships.

So it’s just genuine platonic dudes comfortable in their masculinity and sexuality and friendship.

That is my ultimate idea of an indulgent comfort fic.

[tuulikannel]

Chihiro, Mondo & toxic masculinity

(what a pretentious title that is XD)

(spoiler warning for DR1)

I saw a relatively recent post on reddit about how there’s a lot of hate toward Danganronpa on twitter, and the right place to comment on all this is of course tumblr, right? Or, well, at least on one aspect of this, something I had been thinking about earlier, too. Namely, the accusations of transphobia. This is of course about Chihiro’s murder. Now, I just got to say this, of course he isn’t trans. I’m sorry if that goes against your headcanon, but it becomes very clear in the game that Chihiro identifies as a boy. (Honestly, I find it a little annoying how some people’s mindset seems to be that a boy in a dress = trans, as if a man could never wear a dress otherwise.) But anyway, that’s actually not important here.

First things first, I perfectly well understand that Chihiro’s case can make a trans person very uncomfortable. On the surface it certainly feels like a case of very violent transphobia: we have a girl who confesses to a guy that they’re actually a boy, and immediately after this the man kills them. Whether or not Chihiro is trans is pretty much irrelevant here (it’s not like Mondo knew the details that closely, either.)

Still, what I think the game is trying to do here has nothing to do with transphobia, but it’s instead attempting to comment on toxic masculinity. Chihiro and Mondo are both victims of it, though they represent the opposite ends, you could say. Chihiro was a weak boy, bullied over it so much that he sought refuge in “an even greater weakness” (I’ll always remember that rather unfortunate turn of phrase), that is, femininity. It’s acceptable for a girl to be weak… it might even be desirable in some people’s eyes.

At the same time, Mondo represents a very masculine man, brimming with testosterone. He has very strong sense of what being a man is about, and strength is a central part of that. And when he realizes that this weak little girl whose admiration has made him feel even more like the strong man he wants to see himself as, is in a sense stronger than him… well. Like often before, he reacts with violence to something that upsets him. He didn’t kill Chihiro because Chihiro was a boy in a dress; he killed Chihiro because it became clear to him that Chihiro was preparing himself for his big secret being revealed, while Mondo himself must have been terrified of everyone finding out his secret. Chihiro had until now been someone who made him feel better about himself and suddenly the rug was pulled from under his feet.

I’m sorry if this feels totally obvious to you. I mean, it feels obvious to me, and I’m just kind of baffled people are genuinely accusing the game of being transphobic here. Like I said, I think the game was trying to do something completely different. How good job they did about it is of course another question.

ETA: This just came to my mind, so I'll throw this here as an afterthought... In the AU side games, Ultimate Talent Development Plan & Ultimate Summer Camp, Mondo is aware of Chihiro's secret and is training him to be stronger. They're best friends. Based on that, it's quite hard to see Mondo as a transphobic character.

ETA2: I was thinking about Chihiro and his gender identity a lot today. I don't in general mind what kind of headcanons people have, but seeing Chihiro as trans... is pretty problematic.

Think about it. If Chihiro identifies as a girl... well, then she does. End of story, there's no problem here. But if Chihiro identifies as a boy, things are quite different. He is someone who felt like he couldn't meet the expectations of the society. He was, in a sense, forced to act and dress as a girl even though he is not a girl and does not want to be seen as such. And this... is a huge problem.

And I think that is the very point of Chihiro's character. Like I said before, this is all about toxic masculinity and the overly strong gender roles of Japanese society. And if we make Chihiro a transgirl, we utterly erase this issue from the narrative.