#anyway. obviously phil turns him down.

[finnitesimal]

I think it'd be fun if, contrasting the Lady Death, Forever served Life. Learning about Philza's centuries of journey and creating and living and finally meeting him and telling him everything and expecting him to be awed and adoring of an emissary of Life because any man who lives this long has to be at least a little enamoured with the concept of life and is unpleasantly surprised. yes this is because I want to see Missa and Kristin square up

[fanfic-corner]

Spideypool Fic Recs

I've recently been reading a lot of Wade/Peter fics, so I thought I'd share some of my favourites with you! Please remember to check the tags before reading <3

Lobster Biscuit by Scarlet_Ribbons (2.6k)

Peter goes on a terrible, terrible date, cashes in a favor on behalf of Spider-Man, and begs Deadpool to crash it.

Deadpool delivers.

Not One Hundred Percent by HashtagLEH  (7.3k)

After being drugged at a party, Peter is lucid enough to figure out that he needs help. But who does he even know (and trust) enough that he can just pop up on their doorstep at two in the morning?

Meanwhile, Wade would just really like to know who this random college kid is that showed up at his door.

let me explain by jilliancares (8.5k)

Wade scoffs, shaking his head and elbowing Peter in the side. “Sure,” he says, sarcastic. “That’s why your spidey-sense doesn’t see me.”

Peter’s on the verge of laughing, wanting to join Wade in his amusement, but he freezes. His entire body goes still. He finds himself staring at a roof three buildings over, not even looking at anything. Two blocks away, a car alarm finally shuts off.

“I never told you that,” Peter says, the realization startling him.

Or: Peter's starting to realize just how much Wade knows about him.

Bear the Pain (as the Gods Intended) by mustehelmi (9.8k)

Five times Wade is injured and one time Peter is the injured one.

Gravitation by WillowSong (9.9k)

In a universe where Spiderman never exists, young Peter Parker makes an unlikely friend in Deadpool.

A Friendly Neighbourhood Kidnapping by Willow Writes (12k)

Peter is more than a little mad when Wade ghosts him for years, and then when he finally shows his face in New York again, it’s to kidnap Peter Parker. So he decides to have some fun with the situation and see how long it takes for Wade to recognise him.

Wade thinks he has an easy hit ahead of him and is planning on getting back in touch with his favourite Web–Slinger once the job is done. But Peter Parker seems harder to take down than his buyer let on.

what light through yonder window by hellornothing (14k)

The figure moves quickly, but Peter’s faster. He’s still adjusting to the sudden brightness, so dark red is really the only thing he takes from this initial encounter, but it’s enough.

‘Deadpool?’

aka the one where they get together via late night window visits

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) by Spongeekat (28k)

"Look, I’m just a Deadpool. I know I’m not Dr. Phil. But I couldn’t just let you make some bad decision and let the world lose one more hot piece of ass. Anyways, I live in the area and saw you standing on the ledge, and I thought I could maybe talk you down. Dying hurts, in case you were wondering. It’s not worth it.” Dying...hurts? Talk him down? Bad decision?

Oh.

“Oh.” Everything suddenly connected and the gears started turning in Peter’s brain. “No, wait, I wasn’t…” He didn’t quite know how to explain he wasn’t there to do that without completely explaining why he was up there in the first place. Any resolve he may have had earlier about revealing his superpowered persona had melted away, his plans going awry within seconds. "

Or Peter is madly in love with Wade, and plans to meet him on top of his apartment building to reveal his identity. Wade thinks Peter is standing on the ledge ready to jump, and takes it upon himself to make sure he gets home safe and finds a reason to live again.

Finite State by Scarlet_Ribbons (34k)

When he's blackmailed by, of all people, a weird work acquaintance who needs Spider-Man gone for obviously illegal purposes, Peter is forced to hang up the suit- at least temporarily -until he can resolve the situation. Unfortunately, things start to get sticky when Deadpool, who Spider-Man's been on-again off-again with (okay, yeah, lowkey messing around with), crashes into Peter's life and demands the photographer help him figure out what's got his favorite webhead so spooked.

Peter's life is really weird.

I Think I Missed a Step ('Cause I'm Fallin' For You) by mokuyoubi (42k)

There’s a weird familiarity about the kid's tone and posture, and it’s true that Wade is pretty far from home today but he’s also certain he’d remember that baby-face if he’d seen it before. On the other hand, he has spent the better part of the past few years feeling like he’s missed a step, so this conversation isn’t exactly anything new.[[A hot guy is willingly talking to us. Go with it.]][Don’t make an ass of yourself.]“Shaddup,” Wade grumbles, though Yellow has a point...

OR Peter thinks Wade knows his secret identity, and Wade is really confused by the hot coed who keeps popping up and hanging out with him.

Damage by dontcareajot (42k)

Peter Parker finds himself in a sticky situation and who should show up to rescue him but the infamous Deadpool? Now Peter feels indebted to the mercenary... And maybe weirdly charmed by him.

My Boyfriend's a Murder Bot by Fredegund (55k)

Wade Winston Wilson is ugly. His skin's inside out. It ripples and moves every second of every day, at constant war with the cancer. Vanessa put on a brave face for him when she first saw the changes, but it turns out even she can't stomach the sight for long. He's ugly and alone and nothing will ever be good in life again -

If only that were his only problem.

But Weapon X is at it again, under crisp new management, turning orphans into super slaves and bringing out the big guns to make sure nobody interferes this go around (namely one Pool comma Dead). So now, not only is Wade alone and ugly forever, but he's got a bit of a pest problem in the form of a black-clad murder-happy man spider with a collar around his neck and an unhealthy obsession with tying Deadpool up.

So maybe it's not all bad...

Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) by Sarah_Sandwich (72k)

He sighs from where he’s prone, arms akimbo, and roof gravel digging into his spine. “I lost my job. My… other job. The one that actually pays the bills.”

He doesn’t want to dwell on why he’s telling Deadpool of all people. Surely it has nothing to do with his desperate lack of friends. MJ is in California chasing her dreams, Harry’s undergoing treatment for his mental health and isn’t allowed visitors (not that it matters since they blacklisted Peter after last time), and Gwen… Well.

And it’s not like he can talk to Aunt May without her worrying about him starving to death under a bridge or something so… Deadpool it is. Man, when did his life get this pathetic?

OR: The one where Peter and Wade are literal soulmates but don't realize it for literal years because they're literal idiots.

Dissonance by stuckybarnes (121k)

Wherein Deadpool is reluctantly hired to protect Peter Parker from an organization out to hunt him, with varying success on both ends and quite a lot of feelings, revelations, and identity crises.

I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I did, and please let me know if you have any more Spideypool recs! And, as always, thank you to all the wonderful writers for sharing these incredible fics with us <33

[lesbianphan]

The Myth of Sisyphus and PHILosophy (lol) - a brief essay on two nerds playing a game that might not be that deep but hey who's gonna stop me from pushing this boulder up the hill of writing this?

Disclaimer: it's finally my turn to use my useless degree that included a lot of literary analysis for something extremely important to society: analyzing Dan and Phil content!!! yay!!! This is about to be incredibly nerdy and waffly, but like what else are you doing with your time anyway on phannie tumblr?? (pls read it, I just reread Camus for this for the first time in years okay I'm dedicated to my craft)

"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Albert Camus

As a part of Camus' essays on absurdist philosophy, The Myth of Sisyphus deals with the pointlessness of existence, through retelling the story of the greek myth about the titular character who, as a punishment for defying Death, was condemned to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill just to watch it fall back down. That may sound bleak, such is the futile nature of getting up every day and doing tasks, after all.

However, that's not really what the essay conveys. As the quotation provided in the beginning shows, Camus' takeaway about the myth of Sisyphus isn't about how easy it would be to take the option of not engaging at all with the repetitive tasks that make life what it is, or even focusing on how disappointing this pointlessness is. It's about how the journey of getting up everyday and motivating yourself to hit the peak of the hill is all there is to life, really. The absurd conclusion is, ultimately, that pushing the boulder up the hill everyday is what true revolt against the senselessness of the universe is. If there is no reason, we make the reason by climbing up with our rock everyday.

We choose to be happy every day and appreciate our rock, our hill, our existence as a whole. We choose to believe Sisyphus is happy, and, as disappointing at it may sound at first, it's worth it to live your existence, as long as you decide to appreciate your present more than your future (the destination, that elusive peak of the hill).

In Dan's words, you decide to have "just one good night" together every night on tour, you appreciate the journey of climbing out of that mental health hole again. You climb up that hill again and again, because it's worth it, and there are things - bigger than yourself or your personal boulder or even your destination, - that are worth fighting for every day. You embrace the void, and have the courage to exist today, not tomorrow atop the hill.

As Camus' Myth of Sisyphus was, admitedly, one of the inspirations behind We're All Doomed (and it shows!), it makes it even more intriguing to inquire about how much of their reactions to that particular game about Sisyphus informs their perspectives on the world and their personal philosophies.

As a disclaimer, I must add: I don't claim to know Dan and Phil personally, and I only have acess to the parts of them they decide to share, the performing side of them. So, quite obviously, I can be fully off the mark on this one. Still I think it's interesting to dive into, if not for accuracy, at least for better understanding of the personas they portray online, and how their worldviews bleed into it.

The first big point a lot of people brought to the table is the shift in Dan's philosophy ever since writing and performing We're All Doomed and (most likely) a lot of therapy and work on himself over the years. Gone are the days of existential crises being treated as a joke, or mental health in general being discussed without care for what the audience may take from it. During the video, it's quite apparent that he tries very hard to mantain that voice of reason (sometimes breaking it out of frustration, which is fair!), to somehow guide us into an understanding of what this philosophy means to him personally and to his self-proclaimed magum opus WAD.

This is relevant, of course, insofar as this becomes the thesis of the video, silly gameplay and jokes aside. So I couldn't not mention it here, as it's extremely noticeable and commendable of him to now have a different kind of perspective towards the topic of mental health, in this more mature era of their content. You can tell it's relevant to him to try to get the point of the myth across, in a way that tells his audience, as much as it tells himself, that giving up isn't a choice. You must keep pushing that boulder and you must believe that Sisyphus is happy, and so will you be during that journey up the hill. Even when it falls down again and you meet frustration, you pick yourself back up and keep trying to enjoy the present once again.

Secondly, regarding Dan's behavior during the gameplay, it's notable that he gets extremely frustrated when the boulder falls down (who wouldn't?). However, he always tries to catch it and put it back in the path upwards, instead of throwing his hands and giving up like Phil seems to do. This shows, very loosely, how he handles frustration in his own life: trying to fix things and get them right on path again. It's sometimes the most difficult choice to make, but it's extremely corageous to just keep trying in face of extreme frustration. We've seen it all over gaming videos, but also on his own personal projects getting shut down, and Dan still insisting on carrying on creating things that are personal to him, even in face of rejection.

Phil, however, seemed to give up out of frustration extremely easily, so much so that Dan kept pointing it out how he'd let go of the controls and let it happen. It might not mean much, but since he himself claims he gives up on things that are too difficult, it might just be an aspect of his personality to literally let go in face of things he perceives as impossible to achieve.

It is also notable that when he made a mistake, no matter how competitive they usually are on the surface, Phil decided to ask Dan for help, or try to tag out entirely and hand it over. This may not only be related to frustration, but also to knowing how to ask for help, and also a belief that Dan is "the strongest one out of both of us" and he will be there always to help (quite adorable). Dan's tenacity in front of difficult situations is a great complement to Phil's anxious eagerness to hand over the controls when things get overwhelming.

It's interesting to point out how their personal worldview influenced their gameplay as well. Dan was focused, sharp, driven to get to the top of the mountain by keeping in complete control of the boulder at all times. He held on tight to the challenges and kept going, and he wasn't afraid to run back and catch himself enough to try again. Phil's style showed something very interesting about him that is notable in gaming videos in particular: Phil's propensity for making little goals and celebrating the little things in the path to a goal.

Getting through one obstacle that was once difficult is enough to make Phil seem content with his progress. He celebrates every little step of the journey and, in that way, it's easier for him to appreciate it naturally. He's focused on the little tasks more than the big picture, and that makes the experience more enjoyable. His goals shift, of course, as they progress through the level, and the difficulty ramps up. Even so, he's still more likely to point out that's the farthest they've gotten and, hey look at this ramp, let's get through this ramp and then we've won, because that's my goal right now, and that's enough to make me happy in the present.

This counterbalances Dan's more bleak outlook wonderfully as well. While Dan is focused on making it to the top of the hill, and gets extremely discouraged seeing there's a lot more ahead they'll never get to experience, Phil's view is that they got through that one challenge and, surely, next time they'll get through one more, and so on and so forth. Focusing on smaller things is, ultimately, a good way of finding happiness in the process of pushing up that boulder.

Moreover, Phil's brief comment about how you could "make up little stories in your head" is also extremely telling of the kind of person he is. As Camus' philosophy claims: the only way to live with an absurd world is by living through it and learning what it means to be happy in a world that doesn't make sense. In Phil's mind, a bearable way to get through the harrowing experience of every day existence is making up stories, which matches up with his creative mind. Art and creation are indeed things that can make life worth living, and it seems that even subconsciously, that's the path he'd choose against the pointlessness of repetition. The joy of creation is, certainly, and extremely human and beautiful way to find meaning in life.

The most interesting point I'd like to raise, though, is how they got through that game together: as much as Dan accused Phil of distracting him, it was interesting to see that he didn't notice that's entirely the point. The boulder falling down is nothing compared to the stories we share, the conversations we make. What is important is the journey you take, and hearing about your best friend's weird school inter-sports anecdotes, even if you have to start over because you got distracted.

And that's entirely the point I'd like to leave this of with: pushing up that boulder is only worth it if you learn to live, if you learn to love, if you learn to enjoy the present moment, instead of focusing on that ever elusive destination. Therefore, what makes not only the video interesting, but also the game bearable at all, is their interaction with each other. Much like in life as partners, Dan and Phil would, obviously, climb that hill together. They would find the joy in the little moments together, laugh, yell, get frustrated, pick each other back up again in moments of frustration, and keep going up that hill together.

The only way to live is if one imagines Sisyphus happy. The only way to exist is if you decide that, no matter what, you'll create your own meaning. The only way is to find joy in the now instead of later. The only way to make those grueling day to day tasks happy and fun, is by choosing hapiness. Dan and Phil have, in every sense, decided to keep climbing up that hill of existence together. It may be slow and clumsy and loud at times, but it's their own experience. Ultimately, the only way to experience that gaming content is by imagining Dan and Phil are happy to make it for us, and that we can all share a little bit of our hill in moments of laughter and community. That's what makes life worth it in the end.

A/N: this may be the weirdest thing I've ever done, pls accept me for who I am, thank!

[dozyrogue]

Ok im still thinking of the philza and tubbo fight cuz it reminds me of the marvel fandom when talking about the ending of cilvil war

Bucky killed tonys parents and tony tried to kill him, some where mad at tony cuz he tried to kill bucky but bucky was a victim. Others agreed but still pointed out that he still killed people. It goes into more details but I don't wanna do that

Philza says that we should help him cuz hes a friend and we should help each other, cuz hes a victim an doesn't have a choice. Lock him up and find a cure like last time. And yeah that's phil to a T, phil would travel to hell and back to protect his freinds. And he knows he has friend's who would do the same for him. Man's disappears and the island panics. Bolas would flock around their leader to protect him from the other teams

There's also the added fact that it does take a bit to earn philza's trust and forever has that trust. So to him he sees forever is clearly not himself and he knows how MUCH HE LOVES Tallulah and would never ever purposely hurt her. So something's wrong with forever obviously. And of COURSE he wants to help out forever back together again.

Like when he told tubbo we help forever and then said he would expect tubbo to help phil if he was ever in this position shows so much about phils character to me. Like u help each other so hearing someone u trust doing something as quick as killing him would freak me out lol.

Then theres my sweet traumatized tubbo, he can trust so easily but take his trust away just as easily, his self estime is so low that he expects everyone to be against him. then it was evern worse after purgatory 1 and fred things keep getting worse. And worse of all hes kidnapped from the island most people didn't know he was taken and was forced to leave his kid. In purgatory 2 mans finally had his targaryan moment and took them all down with him.

Then hes back and hears that forever suddenly is different...again. corralled all the kids into following him and that he hurt Tallulah and tried to kill chayanne. Sent ramon into a panic to the point man's PUT ON HIS ARMOR. he himself believes that the island would turn on him immediately if he did something wrong. So if course he would think the same if someone lost it AND HURT THE CHILDREN. he went into purgatory with the only thought of helping the children, and questioning why the other islanders forgot that the point of this. He even said himself that he would choose his godchildren anyway over fred. NoW HIS DAUGHTER IS IN THE MIX. AND ITS NOT EVEN THE FEDS GOING AFTER THE KIDS ITS ONE OF THEIR OWN.

So of course!!! To tubbo the only choice for forever is to kill him so he himself doesn't hurt the eggs again. For any of the islanders the idea of hurting the children even if they were the victim would probably ruin him.

I agree with both yes we should help forever but i agree with tubbo a bit more if forever is so possessed with whatever that hes going after the children???? Kill him, jail prison, lock him away.

And phil expecting for tubbo to help him if he was ever in the same position but tubbo made a promise to care for his godchildren if phil was ever in a place were he couldnt tubbo would fucking kill him.

Idk I really liked the fight shows the difference between the characters and specifically how tubbo changed as a character.

I probably have more thoughts on this but this is it??? Me thinks??

[found-wings]

"Sorry, I‘m not really good at this fine tuning stuff," Phil apologises with a chuckle, head slightly lowered to get a better look at the small wires.

It made him wonder a little on why their communicators were this cheap anyway - obviously the Federation had a lot of resources, he‘d assume that they could give everyone at least communicators that didn‘t burn through their wiring after too many crashes.

"What? What are you talking about? You‘re doing great!" Etoiles almost offended voice speaking back makes Phil giggle. "Stop putting yourself down for something so small. Look at your skill!"

Phil hums in response, being as careful as he can. His hands aren‘t that shaky, so that‘s not really the issue. Anything that had to do with fine tuning and detailing just wasn‘t his strong suit.

"‘S a bit hard to work in small scale when you feel nothin‘, y’know?" He mumbles, connecting back the wires before closing the metal back up. Phil tightens the band of the communicator back around Etoiles‘ wrist and turns it on.

It takes a few seconds for it to load up. Phil encourages Etoiles to try and use it, prompting for the taller to send a test message in their whispered chat.

Phils communicator lights up in return, causing a smile. "There we go."

Usually in these situations, it ended up in Etoiles talking about how amazing Phil is at this - he often in response denied those compliments as it really was nothing big he had done - and thanks him for patching up his communicator again.

Etoiles voice upon speaking up again is lower, sounding softer than his usually contrasting light and bright, begging for a fight behaviour. It makes Phil feel safe, in a way. "You said you feel nothing. Do you have tough, uh- skin, or feathers on your hands? Like you do on your face?"

Yeah, that was to be expected. Etoiles was one of the few people that actually paid attention to his small, hushed words.

"Eh, not really. The black spots on my hands are actually from overuse. ‘S numbing, y‘know," he explains. Phil squeezes his hands into a fist, eyes catching Etoiles gaze, who was curiously glancing at the blackened fingers and then back up.

He already knows what Etoiles is going to ask before he even does so. "Overuse? Overuse of what?"

Phil averts his gaze from Etoiles and instead decides to stare into the horizon.

For a brief moment, his thoughts wander back to a frozen wasteland of snow, a big and mighty kingdom raising from the ground. Adventures and missions filled with the smell of copper, a cloud of smoke and black dust rising from the vicious skeleton beasts.

"Withers," is all Phil responds with and Etoiles nods.

At last, they understand - Phils tainted hands of the Wither and Etoiles tainted arm of the coded shield.

[grapenehifics]

Not to tell you about *every* time I hear Solsbury Hill on the radio but…

Can you tell us why you picked it as the title for your fic? I feel there’s more to your reasoning than “grab your things I’ve come to take you home” and I’d love to hear your thoughts [it’s also maybe pretty obvious(?) but I’m really, really shit at 1) song lyrics 2) song meanings and 3) applying them to other contexts 🙈]

My friend, there is almost nothing I would rather talk about than the intersection between Peter Gabriel*, Genesis, Solsbury Hill the place, Solsbury Hill the song, and Solsbury Hill the fic.

(*Peter Gabriel, and all the members of Genesis, are real people, and would probably tell this story very differently. But they're not here to correct me [oh god, at least, I hope not], and this is how I heard the story, and I am going to tell it the way I know it. Apologies to all those living or dead.)

Sometime in the late 1960s a group of British schoolboys formed the prog rock band Genesis, and by the early 1970s they were...maybe not world-famous, but huge by prog rock standards, anyway, with a couple of albums and a tour. The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway came out and it was a big enough deal that they got offered an American tour, too.

They were all still pretty young (they'd started basically in high school) and Peter Gabriel, their lead singer and main songwriter, had recently got married and he and his wife had a baby (this will become relevant in a second). So they go on the American tour and maybe about halfway through Peter turns to his bandmates and is like, "so...I'll finish the tour with you, because I promised I would, but when we get back home I'm quitting the band."

The other guys were stunned, obviously, because this was the moment they'd worked for. They'd already gotten through all the shitty garage band years, which is where most people give up, and now they were at the good part! They were on an international tour! The money was good! Their albums were selling! They had more fans than they'd ever thought they'd have! What on earth would possess someone to want to give all that up?

(The part of this story that is less-charitable to Peter Gabriel is that one of the answers he gave was 'more creative freedom' and his band was like...but you already write all our songs? What possible *more* creative freedom do you think you need?)

It wasn't just the band, though. His managers and the record company and everyone all told him that was a terrible, terrible idea, and there were a sizable contingent of Genesis fans who just refused to follow him to his solo career because they were mad at him for walking out on Genesis, wrecking the band, how dare he be so ungrateful...

(Genesis did fine without him, actually. Phil Collins took over on vocals and they had another couple of albums and some hit songs before going kind of weirdly soft-rock in the 80s.)

Also - and this is an important detail - when he left the band, there was no solo career. He didn't have any songs. I don't think he even had an agent. He was kind of on the outs with the industry for pulling that stunt. He spent the first year after he quit - while Genesis was recording a new album without him - just hanging out at home with his wife and baby daughter.

Eventually he did get back in the studio, and one of the songs on his first solo album was Solsbury Hill, largely regarded to be the most autobiographical of his songs (Solsbury Hill is an actual, physical hill in Somerset, near where he grew up). It's pretty blatantly about quitting Genesis, including being unhappy in the band:

So I went from day to day Though my life was in a rut

I was feeling part of the scenery

And liberty, she pirouette When I think that I am free

and trying to get up the courage to leave even knowing it would almost universally be regarded as a really dumb move and would very possibly end his entire music career even though he was still in his twenties:

My friends would think I was a nut Open doors would soon be shut

But eventually doing it anyway:

To keep in silence I resigned

I walked right out of the machinery

I will show another me

Then he writes about how, even though it was scary and he didn't know what the consequences were going to be, he was glad he did it:

Though my life was in a rut 'Til I thought of what I'd say Which connection I should cut

Today I don't need a replacement I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant

And he personifies all this as a person, or more accurately hearing a voice (while climbing Solsbury Hill, hence the title), and the progression of what the voice tells him mirrors the rest of the lyrics. First it's:

"Son, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

and

"Hey, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

But the final lines are the singer answering back:

"Hey, " I said "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

And not to belabor the metaphor, but that's what I see as the equivalent of the first quarter or so of Solsbury Hill the fic, at least the beginning to the Bakersfield hospital chapters. Peter Gabriel and Anakin both got the exact thing they thought they wanted - a record deal, a tour, money, fame, wealth - and then turned out once they had it, they actually didn't really want it all that much anymore, and the reality of it wasn't worth keeping it.

But also mixed in there is some shame, right, because to everyone else it looks like you have it all. Every kid around the world with a guitar and a garage bands wants what you have. Every kid on their school swim team watching the Olympics on TV wants that. And now you've got it, and you're just...going to hand it back? Say it's not good enough? This thing that feeds your family and lets you see the world? How dare you spit on that!

But all they really want - in both stories - is more time with the people they love. And yes, in both cases, there are ways to fix that - Peter Gabriel could have taken his wife and baby with him on tour, Anakin could have not fired Obi-Wan and taken up with Palpatine - but in the middle of that situation and looking down the barrel of year after year of touring and competition and the toll it takes on your body and your mental health - suddenly the smart play starts looking like turning you back on it, tearing the whole thing down, and starting over. Even if it means living without the money and the fame and the recognition and universal goodwill. Who cares. Keep it all. Keep my things; I don't need them; I just need you.

I'm going home.

[dnalt-d2]

QSMP Prison Day 3: Finale

This was…An interesting day

I'm still not sure what to make of it, so this is mostly just gonna be a run-down on what happened, with a few less analyses than I usually do. Maybe I'll go more in-depth on stuff later if I manage to think of anything

We had WAY too much happen today, and I'm not sure I can get through it all, or if I even saw it all (I'm going through the event twitter to make sure I get anything relevant)

Like how upon waking up, the prison was almost completely overrun by mobs, nearly all of which were wearing prison jumpsuits for some reason. Even the spiders for some reason???

There were the interviews that all the guards started conducting, asking very strange questions. Like "Where would you like to go after you die? What would you like your last meal to be? Who will you miss the most/least?" Very strange questions indeed.

We had the resolution to the Ghostbit/Abueloier subplot, with Phil and Slime exorcising Ghostbit, though Phil wasn't sure that was the correct move

Then of course, we had the breakout

The first thing they needed to do was get the water-breathing turtle helmets required for the escape, and the guard that had them was VERY suspicious. In that he CLEARLY knew that the prisoners were planning on escaping, but gave them the helmets anyway, making them do strange tasks in return (Like killing someone, or stealing something) And not everyone got them anyway lol, so Quacki had to give them some normal turtle helmets. But regardless, it's strange that the guard was just letting them escape

This could mean that this guard was either disgruntled in some way, not caring if they escaped, or undercover, helping to facilitate the escape (And having fun the whole way lol) Either that, or even the Federation expected the Islanders to all escape, and let this happen. Which means they all played into the Fed's hands. (Obviously meta-wise it was meant to happen, but in this case, I mean canonically)

Speaking of Quacki, btw, she seems to have been adopted by Phil after he murdered her. So that's fun

There's also the matter of those weird vans that were there. We don't know what the deal with those were, or what they were really intended for. It seems strange that they'd be there to transport the prisoners, but only the Islanders and not the Eggs. And that they were basically hollow, with nothing inside. Almost like they were never meant to be used

Then they finally actually got out of the prison, activating a red button via a Create puzzle, then saw a video showing two faceless Fed Workers, one of which got sucked into a Nether Portal??? And Phil said that could've been the two Cucuruchos, with the one being sucked in having turned into the evil Cucurucho. Or as I call him, Cucurubro. And that actually makes a lot of sense to me. We saw what happened to other people who entered the Nether for extended periods of time, so it makes sense that this is the case. Though I can't help but wonder where Osito Bimbo fits into that. Maybe the wacky younger sibling?? Idk

Either way, something activated and caused some sort of Island reset, with the Server shutting down for 4 days. What does the reset mean? Who has the nine keys required for it? And who were the people shown being logged off before it all went down?? What happened to Arin/Luzu after being lassoed into the horizon by the Code Monster??

Also what was that Crucifixion gonna be if it actually happened? Would Saint Felps truly have died for our sins once again??

These are all great questions

Anyways, can't wait to go into hibernation until like Saturday. I imagine BBH and Tubbo will be doing the same, since we all know they have a debilitating addiction to this Minecraft server

It's kinda unfortunate that none of my theories were correct, but oh well. There's a reason I'm not a theorist after all lmao. It's better to put it out there and get it wrong than not try it at all, you know??? But like Quackity said, there's no use getting upset about something that was never confirmed

NOW SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE, EVERYBODY! I DON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH MORE TO ADD HERE

[player1064]

guess who’s back again 😂 finding out becks wasn’t gaz’s best man at his actual wedding is so crazy to me how about carraville wedding and this time becks actually makes it and does a killer best man speech

I always under-estimate how much time I'm going to spend on these things bc like. it's after 11pm and my quick little best man speech drabble is 1.2k words long (and brentford lost to west ham :(((((((((. which is unrelated but still tragic)

---

Everyone at the table groans when once again their conversations are interrupted by the clink of silverware against crystal.

David stands up, grinning at the boos and calls for him to sit back down, and he raises his glass.

“Alright, alright,” he says, “now that we’ve sat through the soppy bollocks of the grooms’ speeches, it’s time for the main event.”

(Said ‘soppy bollocks’ had featured heart-warming lines such as “I ‘ave a lot more money than him so we all know there’s no question that he’s sticking around”, and “I only said ‘til death do us part’ ‘cause it didn’t seem as long a commitment as ‘til Manchester United next win the league’.)

“Main event were about two hours ago,” Gary mutters from a few seats down.

Next to him, Jamie bumps their shoulders together with a laugh and says “main event’s gonna be in our hotel room later tonight.”

This earns him a few cheers and wolf-whistles, which David stands patiently through, glass still aloft.

“So,” he says eventually, “Ever since Gary called me last week to tell me that he was getting hitched and that I needed to drop everything I was doing and fly back to England to come to the wedding, I’ve been trying to think about what my best man speech should be.”

There are some more boos from around the table, including from Gary, who says “Yer not my best man, you twat, I don’t ‘ave a best man. Too old for all that nonsense. ‘sides, this is a casual wedding, like.”

David gives a pointed look around the room: they’re in a posh restaurant in London that they’d had the good foresight to book out for the entire evening, partly so as not to cause a media circus and partly so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the judgemental looks that come when you’re the ‘loud table’ in the place.

“Yeah, very casual,” he says, one eyebrow raised, then turns back to the rest of the table and continues. “Obviously, Gaz was best man at my wedding a quarter of a century ago,” (some groans from everyone round the table at the reminder of how old they all are) “and he did an alright job at it. Speech was pretty funny, but we have to deduct some points from his overall score for failing to get with any of the remaining Spice Girls. Though I suppose now we know why.” He says the last part with a wink and a nod towards Jamie.

“It’s nowt to do w’him bein’ gay,” Jamie heckles back, “it’s ‘cause he was a skinny little Manc with curtains.”

Gary drops his head to the table in exasperation.

“It was the nineties, Carragher, we all had curtains,” David shoots back. “Anyway, I’m tryna think of some funny stories to throw in, or something sort of – salacious, maybe, but then I realise that’ll leave me with the shortest speech in history because Gaz was always so bloody boring. You all already know this – whenever we were away with England, or with United, there’d be the lads going out for a piss-up,” (down the table, Giggsy and Butty cheer), “and then there’d be poor old Phil and Gary, still at the hotel and in bed by nine.”

Phil looks around the table with a smile at that, like it’s something to be proud of.

“And as curious as I am about the stripper incident, I’m not Carragher’s best man,” (“yer not anyone’s best man!”) “so that one’ll have to be lost to the sands of time. Then I thought, well, Gaz may’ve been boring off the pitch but on the pitch he had quite the reputation, so I thought we could do a little poll. Show of hands, how many people in this room have been kissed – on the mouth – by Gary Neville?”

About a half the table raise their hands: most of Gary’s friends from United, and, horrifyingly, a couple of Jamie’s lot who he’d played on England side with over the years.

“You little slag,” Jamie says, looking at Gary with a shit-eating grin.

“He wasn’t always successful, I should say – I think the one time he tried to kiss Roy he almost got another broken nose for his trouble,” adds David, raising his glass towards Roy who nods in confirmation.

David chuckles, “aw, but Gaz has always had hopeless taste in men. Not that he fancied you, Roy, you weren’t tall enough. D’you know, I think he almost fainted the first time Ruud walked into the dressing room.”

“Oi! Y’can’t call that hopeless, I’ll have you know me ‘n ‘im –” he claps a hand over his own mouth, wide-eyed, when he realises that he’s just told a room full of his closest friends something he’d been managing to keep to himself for the last twenty years.

That earns him a few more hollers and wolf-whistles, and when they die down David is looking at him with his lips pressed together like he’s trying not to laugh, eyes twinkling with mirth.

“I was gonna go on to talk about when you first met Jamie, but I think we’d all much rather stay on this for a while longer.”

“Oh my God,” Gary says, resting his forehead to Jamie’s shoulder with a groan, “please just do your Jamie bit. What’s it gonna be, reminding everyone how I hate Scousers?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” David puts on his terrible Manc accent, and says “’Becks, why the fuck are they putting this Scouse kid in midfield one game and left-back the next?’ ‘Oh my god, Becks, I think Sven’s lost his mind, he’s putting me in centre-back and giving my spot to fucking Carragher,’”

“And then somehow, right,” he continues, “somehow, it becomes ‘Becks, I were his captain, d’you think I should go say somethin’ comforting,’ and ‘if e’s takin’ my place while I'm out I should talk to him, right? Is it weird if I go talk to him?’, and once, when he was very very drunk, ‘I’d let ‘im tackle me any time, d’youknowwhatImean?’”

Gary, who doesn’t remember that last bit at all, feels himself flush with embarrassment at the thought of saying something so complimentary about his new husband. Said new husband reaches up to ruffle his hair before burying his face in it, fondly muttering “you are so pathetic” as he does.

“Anyway, all that to say that it wasn’t much of a surprise to me, when a few years ago I found out that the two of you had started hooking up.”

He holds his glass up again, waits for everyone to mirror him. “Jamie,” he says, “I think Gary’s finally met his match in you, so cheers to that. And Gaz… I’m sorry I never made it to your first wedding, but I’m glad I could be here for your last.”

“Dunno about that,” Jamie heckles, wrapping an arm around Gary’s shoulders in a tight squeeze, “might trade ‘im in for a younger model when ‘is hips go in a few years.”

For his sins, Gary curls a hand at the nape of his neck and pulls him into a rough kiss.

Through the cheers and laughter, David finishes with “to the happy couple! May you spend the rest of your lives tormenting each other instead of the rest of us!”

[boosterwithad]

back here again. I have problems, lol.

anyways, au where Phillip feels really bad about betraying the 141 and Los Vaqueros and his feeling bad gets like... really bad.

so bad that he starts hearing Alejandro's voice even tho the guy ain't there. and he starts imagining what they could have had.

and Voice Ale(yes, that is what I'm calling him) is all like "if you really wanted to prove to me that you love me, then you would have been better". which doesn't really help.

and then one day, Voice Ale just says "prove you love me." and Phil decides that it would be a good idea to do just that.

and about two days later, Shepherd is found dead in his office.

no one knows it was Graves. everyone thinks it was Price, even though the man hadn't been in the office for weeks. and Voice Ale is all like "you did good. I need you to do better."

and then Phil books a plane back to Las Almas and starts massacring people again. and then Los Vaqueros find him and are all like "bro, didn't you die?"

Alejandro(the real one) decides that they should keep Graves alive, especially with the obviously shit state the man is in.

and the Phil sees Ale. the real Ale. and he breaks down crying.👍

I dont even know what you'd call this. I also dont care bc I love it. Blessing my asks with another absolute banger.

(Longer post so putting under cut)

Them meeting again with Phil crouched over a body, wiping a large hunter's knife on the uniform of the soldier below him.

Phil hears Alejandro's footsteps, turns slightly brandishing the knife, and freezes. All the while Alejandro is standing there like 🧍‍♂️ gun in hands, and absolutely bamboozled internally like "ah shit here we go again" but keeping professional and just yelling at him to drop the knife.

Then he like faulters when Phil looks up at him with his face all scrunched up n shit and crying and Phil is all like "I did just like you asked" and "You told me to kill him so I did" and Alejandro is standing there like "????"

Alejandro throws him in the same cell Phil put him in and just disengages. Like he goes off base completely and just ignores the issue. All the while Phil is sitting in his little goddamn cell being like "but pookie i did what you wanted :(("

[dorylinae-supremacy]

Toying with yet another AU besties because I'm plagued by visions.

Autism just enters hyperdrive sometimes and demands I put my blorbos in even more situations. Rn I'm playing with a vampire hunter AU, something dark and with a bit of angst as per usual.

Emduo being hunters and then one of them (maybe Techno) getting bit and turned. Obviously Phil is absolutely devastated. He's a pretty mean hunter and takes a bit too much joy in killing already but he cant imagine having to put his friend down.

But thats exactly what he needs to do and Techno's asking him to do it. This is where meanza gets shaken up into a more skrunkly form.

Maybe he decides to keep Techno at his house for a few days, just giving him some comfort before eventually having to put him down, Tech kinda settles for it because who wouldnt want things to be normal again so that you can be comfortable before your bestie / father figure kills you because you got bit.

Toss in him getting bit because he was protecting Phil and its even more fun.

Anyway Phil is trying to hype himself up for it but Techno's so easy to just delay and put off that he kinda falls into the groove of things. He gets it in his head that maybe he doesnt have to kill his friend, maybe he can just keep him locked and hidden away.

He brings this up and Techno is obviously not really down for this but they're both desperate and neither really want him to die so they totally start actually thinking about it.

They 'hypothetically' talk it out a few times before Tech stats going downhill a bit. He's not being fed and he has no sire around so stuff isnt fun. Phil panics and goes off to get a vampire. He drags them back and lets Techno feed off of them and its a bit better.

The venom in the blood is just enough to sustain him. This form of vampirism would be less complex than AFN's since otherwise Techno would probably just die because theyre both clueless. So instead its a very watered down version.

Anyway things progress like that for a while and Phil has to bring in actual human bodies for Techno to feed on. He gets over it very quickly but Techno doesnt and usually has to be convinced to actually feed.

Obviously after some time Techno latches onto Phil as his sire despite him not even being a vampire and his morals slip a bit too.

In the end we get dark emduo and its very fun.

I had another one in mind where Phil gets bit instead but because he has spent so long on the field he knows how to take care of himself, Techno is very skrunkly and along for the ride in that one too.

Just clings to his bestie and helps cover stuff up while Phil (a bit too eagerly) starts doing his vampire bullshit. It totally ends in Phil biting him and turning him as well.

[daily-ish-syndicate-headcanons]

HC:

(Warning it’s a bit long lmao)

So obviously just bc, the syndicate takes turns babysitting Micheal.

Phil knows how to take care of kids, but in a very responsible way. He entertains him with fun little games out in the snow like hide and seek and peek-a-boo (imagine Michael standing in front of Phil while Phil uses his wings to cover himself and behind the wings and then WOOSH! “Here I am!”And then Micheal just giggling so hard he falls on his lil booty in the snow and then gets up only for the process to repeat) ofc tho when I say responsible I mean responsibility flying the child as high as possible and then doing a free dive bc the child loves it.

Techno didn’t really know what to do with Micheal at first, but when he was rummaging through his attic one day (cluttered house) he found some old toy wooden swords, and the idea hit him faster than that anvil… Anyways! Cue Techno fake struggling against Micheal as they play swords. (Micheal always wins ;) and then afterwards Techno makes some hot cocoa while Micheal draws some pictures of “Uncle Techno.” Ranboo comes to pick up Micheal and finds them both fast asleep on the couch, with Micheal curled up in a little cocoon consisting of protective Uncle Techno and a massive ass cape.

Niki likes to shove a bunch of baked goods and sweets at him. She’s never had much experience with kids, but it can’t be too hard, right? Just give them some candy and attention and they’ll be happy, right? Wrong. Give this child sweets and baked goods, and he’s a menace (and also your best friend forever) I’m talking jumping on the couch and countertops, running around the house, and just overall being a hyper child. He winds down once he gets a tummy ache, but he’s content to sit at the counter and watch Niki make some more stuff while he’s not feeling great.

Ranboo is obviously not babysitting seeing as he is Michael’s parent (I hate it when someone comes up to a parent and says “oh, is someone on babysitting duty today?” Like, no, SARAH, it’s called PARENTING, bitch) Ranboo just does typical dad stuff, like taking him cool places to spend the afternoon, playing on the floor with him and his toys, and making him the equivalent of a TV dinner (Ranboo may be worlds best dad (according to the mug Tubbo and Micheal got him for Father’s Day) but he still can’t cook for shit)

And Connor doesn’t even babysit. No, Connor is babysat right alongside Micheal because he cannot be trusted on his own. He is legit just a toddler with rights.

-🌻

AAAAA I AM SOBBING AT PHIL’S ONE PLEASE /pos

Techno absolutely lets him win, its like how snow leopards (?) will pretend to be scared when their kittens try to scare them to boost their confidence or something. Cape cocoon. Dude I wanna take a nap in the cape cocoon fr.

I SO agree with Niki having no clue what to do with kids. I see far too many people portraying c!Niki as this responsible motherly/older sister figure and it boils my blood like NO!!! This is the same woman that tried to nuke a child!!!!!!

Ranboo is just Dading fr. He’s just bein a dad.

“toddler with rights” I’M EVAPORATING PLEASE

[loversj0y]

ITS ME ITS ME IM GLONK

I HAVE ANOTHER SIREN IDEA

So: i was learning about art forgery earlier this year, and my professor was mentioning how because of the elitism in the art world, some artists are forced to turn to forgery because no one will pay large amounts of money for art that doesn't have a famous name/history attached to it. SO they'll copy other people's artstyles and say they found this "Leonardo Da Vinci" work in some abandoned attic somewhere and sell it (now obviously because DaVinvi is so famous, it would be pretty hard to sell that lie, but you know what I mean. maybe a buttersworth painting. idk).

...And you can launder money with art forgeries: somebody could buy a forgery with money achieved through nefarious means (dirty money), then resell it for the same (or a higher) price. Now they have the same amount/more money, but it was achieved through legitimate means so its harder to track down/make a case against it in court.

Anyway: The Syndicate catches some broke ass college student on their territory, but they are a damn quick thinker and say that they have connections in crime to spare themselves. The student tells them that they have contact with this guy Anonymous, who provides art forgeries that the Syndicate can then sell and keep their money trail clean (especially useful, when in their civilian disguise. all that money is suspicious...). What the student ISN'T telling them is that they aren't just the middleman for Anonymous' works, they ARE Anonymous (because, if the Syndicate got sick of them and knew that there was only just one person involved in the business, they could just kill that one person. But if they think there's multiple, they'd have to keep the student alive to get to Anonymous).

Maybe Siren finds out that its the student who is doing the paintings, and they bond over their artistic interests; him being a musician, them being a painter.

Or, ALTERNATE SCENARIO: There IS a mafia that the Syndicate is dealing with, and the mafia agrees to set them up with one of their greatest contributors. Obviously Siren is sent to talk with this mysterious associate-- since he's very persuasive-- and instead of finding some shady, powerful crimelord, he finds a worn out, paint-splattered college student wearing J O R T S in a shitty apartment. they don't even react when they see him they're just used to it at this point.

i might un-anonymize myself soon idk

GLONK YOUR BRAIN IS HUGE OH MY GOD

firstly, always feel free to spam my inbox with ideas, they make me happy to see and i love coming home or having a minute to read through them and reading it like the daily paper, it’s my favorite part of the day

secondly!!!!! AHHHH okay the whole thing abt hiding the fact that this broke college student is actually like an amazing art dealer and like potentially dangerous is so juicy. like

student: “yeah, Anonymous is crazy. they once stabbed someone and used their blood to sign a painting because it was the only color they could get to match a specific red tone that Van Gogh used” knowing damn well it was actually their own blood because they cut their finger opening up a box of new paints, causing the red to splatter on the floor

siren: “wow… this Anonymous person must be dangerous. how are you so calm around them? not to sound rude… but you dont strike me as the fighting type”

student: *think fast think fast, i cant let them know i make most of the forgeries or that i am Anonymous* “we’re lovers”

siren: “what.”

i feel like techno would be the first one to figure it out, and wilbur would be dead last. techno knew the minute he met you but just kept quiet about it, phil realized when he monitored your activity for a day and noticed how you’d be mimicking famous artists, tommy realized because student told him, and wilbur didn’t believe it for a second until he literally showed up to a meeting Anonymous had set up, watched as they tried to kidnap them, resulting in their mask being knocked off and siren was like OH FUCKIN SHIT OH NO

but i also love the second alternate part bc siren’s heard all these stories about anonymous’s ability to replicate artists exactly and how skilled they are, and then student opens the door and is just like “okay. siren is here. totally normal.”

siren’s like “i need you to do something for me”

student just scoffs “yeah? you’re going to have to wait, i have to finish a painting for my niece. she asked me to paint her favorite barbie doll” fully serious and siren is just like ??????? and considers using his voice but is just curious and wants to watch you work so just sits back and watches.

also LOVE the concept of the anteater paintings. wilbur is just staring around in anger and annoyance and student is just there, grinning evilly and watching bc they know he wont say anything about it so it’s funny.

[nobodywritingao3]

Your Love (Deja Vu) [ch 3]

masterpost | previous | rickroll

Phil stores his sons during a fight, revealing his true nature to them. Caught up in the moment, he doesn't get a chance to explain to them and falls asleep. When he wakes up, they're inconsolable.

CW: - gore - minor character death - Phil eats people - hard vore - soft vore

title taken from 'Your Love (Deja Vu)' by Glass Animals but specifically the stripped back version because that makes me cry

word count: 1.7k 💔 read it on AO3

The kids will be in Technoblade's room. They always go there when they're upset.

Phil's already brushed his teeth, scraped his tongue, flossed, rinsed with mouthwash, and even brushed his teeth a second time out of nervousness. His gums are bleeding, and after popping a mint into his mouth for good measure, they also sting a little bit. He showered off the grime and blood and he's dressed in his most comfortable 'dad clothes,' as Wilbur has taken to calling them. When he looks at his reflection, he almost feels like himself again.

He walks down the hallway, careful to make his footsteps steady and audible as he approaches the door. There are hushed whispers from the room, but as he nears the sounds die into tense silence. He comes to rest outside the room and knocks a gentle rhythm he's used with the kids since he took them in.

"Hey mate, can I come in?" He asks softly, voice still dry and raspy.

There's no answer.

He wants to turn around and flee. He isn't strong enough to do this, he isn't strong enough to be their father; he's already proven that he's a fuck-up parent and he should really just do them all the favor of leaving.

"If you don't answer me, I'm going to open the door," Phil continues, practically forcing the words out of his mouth. "You know the house rules; I need to make sure you're safe."

There's still no answer, so with his stomach churning in anxiety, he twists the handle and slowly pushes the door in.

The three of them are standing around with packed bags, ready to go, the window hanging open. Wilbur has a deer-in-the-headlights, blank expression on his face, holding Tommy up to the windowsill and looking ready to toss him outside. He and Phil stare at each other. He awkwardly lowers his little brother to the floor.

Phil just stands there, taking in the scene, before he's pulled from his thoughts as Techno drops a backpack on the floor with a thump.

He flinches away from Phil's gaze as soon as it lands on him. "Please just - just let us go," he says quietly.

"No. No, no you can't," he plainly responds, too shocked to elaborate. His eyes dart between each of their faces.

"We won't tell anyone," Wilbur pleads. "We're not even..." he trails off, searching for the words. He can't find them and simply begs,"please."

Phil shakes his head, backing away from the door. "Wilbur, you're thirteen. Techno is barely fourteen, and Tommy is eight. You're too young to be alone," he reasons desperately, trying to keep the hurt from his voice. "It's better if you stay here."

They stare at him. That's obviously not what the conversation is about, and at a better time, it's the kind of thing they would have pointed out and teased him for.

"Please stay."

Techno shuffles his feet like he's picking up the nerve to retort, and Wilbur's eyes widen. He shoots out a hand and grabs his brother by the arm, giving him a panicked, warning look.

"No, Wil." Techno's voice is hard, and he shrugs his hand off. "I want to talk about this."

He turns to Phil with a defiant set in his jaw. "If you're not going to kill us - " Phil flinches at the accusation, " - then just let us go - what was the point of pretending to love us anyway?"

Phil stumbles over his words, his desperation palatable. "I do love you. I love you so much, you're my boys and I never want to hurt you." It comes out as more of a beg than a statement. A beg to be believed, a beg for them to stop looking at him like he'll snap at any moment and start tearing into them the way he tore into the soldiers.

"You ate us," Wilbur protests. He doesn't sound angry or rebellious - it would be better if he did - he just sounds horrified. Shocked and vaguely hurt.

Phil's heart aches. "I didn't - I didn't eat you." It sounds weak, even to him. "I'd never digest you, I love you - that was my brooding pouch, like a kangaroo - I would never send you to my stomach. If you were in my stomach, you would have seen - " he cuts himself off, not wanting to remind them of what he'd done to the army, but judging from their faces, it's too late for that.

Techno won't even look at him. "You could have sent us to your stomach. On accident." The implication in his words slams into Phil like a tidal wave, leaving him gasping for air.

"What? I - no, Tech - "

"We saw how you ate Wilbur," Tommy softly chimes in, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and staring at the ground.

He's so quiet, and so matter of fact, and Phil just doesn't have a response. All he can do is stare and feel his guilt prickle across his back.

Tommy continues, "You were so... hungry. What if you'd eaten him for real?"

Phil shakes his head hard and fast. "No. No, no, no, no. I didn't - you don't know my anatomy, Toms," he pleads. His throat and voice still aches, but he doesn't care. He talks through the pain. "My storage - I imprinted on you years ago. My nervous system wired itself to identify you as my babies, my brood. Even if I was trying - and I would never, ever try - I wouldn't be able to send you to my stomach." He resists the urge to cry. He just wants them to believe him. "It's instinct. My body would send you to my brood pouch on instinct."

He can tell from their faces that they don't believe him.

Tears gather in the corner of his eyes.

"Guys, please - " he begs again. He starts forward but immediately stops, seeing them withdraw away from him. "You can't - you can't go." He tries to speak authoritatively, but it comes out too earnest and urgent. "I won't allow it."

"Why not?" Wilbur asks, aggravated. "We're not - we're humans, and you eat - "

"I haven't in years," he cuts in pathetically. "Yesterday was a fluke."

"We were managing just fine without you," he continues harshly. "We don't fucking need you - don't you get that?!" His voice raises to a yell. "You are just like everyone else. Every other adult who took us in, and promised they'd love us and protect us - as soon as we're inconvenient, none of that matters anymore. Maybe you even believe what you're saying to us, but you are a fucking liar. We'll fuck up: we'll break a dish or argue too loudly or come home drunk and you'll get mad, and then you'll eat us. You don't love us, and clearly you never did, because if you had then you wouldn't have lied!"

He's breathing hard, his face red, and his eyes glossy. He angrily scrubs at his face. Techno and Tommy look at him in horror, eyes flitting between Wilbur and Phil in dread.

"Wilbur..." Phil starts softly. He resists the urge to reach out and pull the boy close. "You're wrong, of course I love you. What those people did to you was horrible, and I would never - have I ever hurt you? Even yesterday, when I was out of my mind, I was just - I was trying my best for you. You're my son."

Wilbur's voice shakes hard in a mixture of heartbreak and anger. "You were out of control! It's dumb fucking luck that you saw as your kids instead of - instead of prey - if we're even to believe you! So what about next time?!"

Phil shakes his head vehemently. "There won't be a next time. And even if there is, I won't digest you because I can't - because my body recognizes that you don't belong in my stomach. You belong in my storage, mate, because I love you."

Techno steps forward, his hand coming up and pushing Wilbur and Tommy slightly behind him. "That doesn't matter, 'cause we don't even know if you're telling the truth. We want to go, let us go."

He hates everything about this conversation. They went from terrified of crossing him to unearthing deep rooted childhood trauma to - to this and it's not - this is worse. Something inside of him breaks.

He doesn't want to lose them, why can't they see that? If they just listened to him -

"I don't care if you're afraid of me right now, Tech, this is for your own good." There's a steely quality in his voice that doesn't match how he feels. 

Techno glowers at him. "We are leaving."

"No. No, you're not. I'm sorry, but despite how you feel about me right now, you are children. And more than that, you are my children. If you leave this house, I'll just - I'll just track you down and bring you back. As your father - "

"You're not our dad!" Techno spits out.

Anger curls tightly around Phil's heart. Of course he is, of course he's their - they're just being immature right now. They aren't seeing -

"And you can't make us stay," he says through grit teeth. "We will run the fuck out of here, and never come back."

He clenches his jaw. "If you try that, I will eat you again and keep you there until you're in your thirties."

Oh, shit - FUCK - he slaps a hand over his mouth, breathing hard.

He didn't mean to say that. He didn't mean to say that at all. It just - it just came out of his mouth before he even realized what it was.

They'll misunderstand him, they'll think he's saying that -

Oh fuck.

Phil's heartbeat picks up. This is the exact opposite of what he wanted.

He doesn't mean it, of course he doesn't mean it. He loves them. He loves them, he loves them, he loves them.

But they don't know that ( - they don't know that anymore - ) and the effect his words has is instantaneous. In a second, they've gone from righteous and rebellious to terrified.

He lowers his hand from his face. "I - I didn't mean it like that," he whispers.

Techno shifts backward next to Wilbur. Tommy has tears flowing down his cheeks.

"I didn't - I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he's babbling again but he knows there's nothing to say.

He grasps the doorknob and swings the door shut before he can do more damage.

~ ~ ~

TAGLIST: @gracideaviolet @i-am-beckyu let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist

ho o ooo ookaayyyyyy how we feeling about this chapter fellas

[thetarttfuldickhead]

What do you think about the fact that Jamie has not had a single confirmed goal this season? Correct me if I'm wrong but every time we know who scored (in one way or another) he never is the scorer, even when it's said he's been the match MVP. Is it going anywhere? Like, will this lead to a confrontation with his "dad" or something, or it's just a coincidence?

Hiya, nonny!

I believe you’re completely right about Jamie’s having no confirmed goals this season and it’s hurting me on a deep and personal level, but I – like Jamie, I imagine – am trying to focus on the fact that scoring goals isn’t everything and that Jamie is now moving into an even more important position on the pitch and in the team. (That said, it’s perfectly possible to play in his position and still score, and I’m really hoping we get to see that before the season is over, because as much as I adore seeing other members of the team get a chance to be stars, I am a Jamie fangirl through and through and I’d love for him to net that ball, you know?)

As for it going somewhere, I see two obvious possibilites (and there might well be many more, so don’t hesitate to add your own ideas to this):

Either it will pan out as you suggest, with a confrontaton with Tartt Sr. where Jamie’s new position and lack of goals are brought up as proof of him turning soft (and therefore useless). I believe we’re all expecting a Manchester episode, what with the trailer clips from Etihad and what appears to be Jamie’s childhood bedroom and Phil Dunster mentioning in a recent interview that we’ll learn a little more about Jamie’s background. I’d love for his dad to make another appearance, if only to see him get put down and – in my dreams – the whole team coming to Jamie’s defence. And even if the potential confrontation doesn’t pan out that way at all, I think it’d be very interesting to watch, so yeah, here’s to hoping. (I’ll be honest, I fully expected this to be episode 10 because of reasons, but from the admittedly vague episode description that now seems less likely.) And if the confrontation takes place before the match against Man City, Jamie could then go on to score a goals – or a few of them – against his old team, ‘causing his father endless pain and outrage. Wouldn’t that just be lovely?

However, it could also be that this whole thing is part of Jamie’s journey towards an acceptance of not always taking the center stage, not always being the best. Phil Dunster has talked about how a happy ending for Jamie would be a good enough ending, with Jamie realizing that he just has to be good enough, rather than perfect. This makes me a little bit worried that we won’t see Jamie fulfill the promise of being better than Zava, but that the payoff of his emotional journey this season will have him realize that he doesn’t need to be; he can be okay anyway. He’s good enough anyway. (Which is perfectly true, of course, but it can be true and he can still score some goals… right?)

Bittersweet possibility: the big final game is against West Ham* and it comes down to a penalty that Jamie takes – and misses. He’s obviously completely devastated and have no fucking idea how to handle the fact that he let the team down and fucked up this one thing that he was always supposed to be the best at. But! The entire team hastens to comfort him, assuring him that he is so much more than just his ability to score goals, they like him for who he is as a person, he’s an integral part of this team, and they’ve got him. I don’t love this idea, but I guess there’s something for Jamie to learn and realize here, about how his value as a person isn’t determined by how good a footballer he is and that it’s okay to fail and that his teammates will still have his back either way. Just a stark contrast to how his father always reacted to anything less than perfection, you know?

Not saying that this is what I think will happen; just playing around with possibities here and obviously it's all wild speculation. Jamie's lack of goals could well be coincidence, with no need to read too much into it. (But reading too much into stuff is kind of the fandom deal, you know?)

*I know there’s a case for the big final game to be against their white whale City, but I personally prefer it to be West Ham, because I want Richmond to win over City but lose the Premier League finale. (No, no, I’m not rooting for West Ham, I just think that Richmond winning the whole league will make it feel so much more like an ending and even if this is the end, I don’t want it to feel like it, you know? I want an ending that feels like we’re just leaving them for a little bit, but if we cared to glance down at the Dog Track, we’d still find them running around that pitch, playing their total football and having a blast. And if there was to be a fourth season, it’d be neat for them to have something to still strive for. And okay, that can be achieved by them losing to City but winning the league, but for Jamie related reasons I want them to triumph at Etihad.)

[vivaladicamillo]

I saw your posts asking for ideas and I was thinking what If you wrote something about you being Bams younger sister and filing cky coz April doesn’t want you to get hurt and you have like secret relationship with Dico or Ryan

DICO/MARGERA!READER

thank u so much for the suggestion!!! im gonna do it for dico this time bc one, theres no fanfics of this silly dude and two, i havent written abt dico in SOOOO long. this ones for the dico lovers out there love yall, a dying breed🫡

WARNINGS: dangerous stuff, fluff, bran being bran yk

———————————————————

being bams younger sister has its ups and downs

bam as a brother is A NIGHTMARE

hes just such a dick

making fun of u, annoying u and being the “younger brother” type character bc hes just like that

u were 2 years older than him

so when u started kinda liking his life long friend, “dico”

it was kinda awkward bc u yk, hes ur brothers best friend

one night, u were just chilling at the house alone

ape and phil went out, bam was probably out skating somewhere and jess had band practice so having a empty house all to urself?? hell yea!

as u sit on ur couch, just watching some stupid ass movie thats on someone knocks at ur door

when u answer it, its Brandon dicamillo himself (dico)

“hey, uh is bam around?” he asks looking kinda nervous

“nah, i thought he was put filming with u, but its 9:00 he should be back soon.”

“ah ok, ill just wait in my car till he gets here then, thanks.” he smiles at u

“come on bran dont be a stranger! i’m m just watching a movie just wait inside till he gets back.”

you held the door open for him and he walks in and plops down on ur couch

in your spot.

“asshole what the fuck thats my spot”

“didnt see ur name on it.” he says smirking “also what kinda horse shit are u watching? let me show u some real funny shit.”

dico then proceeds to put on an old western movie

“what the fuck dicamillo??”

“what??! this shit is so funny watch this.” he says pointing to the tv as some guy dressed as a cowboy gets shot on screen

the acting was terrible yes, but the way dico was hysterical laughing at it kinda made u smile

his laugh, his interests, just his goofy personality made ur heart flutter

u didn’t realize that u had been staring into this mans whole soul for ten mins until he turns to u and smiles

“may i help u?” he says kinda chuckling

“oh, uh sorry..” u say blushing and kinda turning away

the silence that took place after could have killed u right then and there

until he turns to u

“hey uh.. ive been actually meaning to talk to u about something…” he says, that nervousness kinda coming back from before

u nod ur head as he starts to confess to u

“listen, i know ur my best friends older sister and this is kinda weird but… ever since i met u, i thought u were so cool! i wouldnt have expected u to like masters of the universe and filming bits as much as do…”

“yea, i can see how u couldnt have seen that coming bc of my brothers”

“yea, but anyways, ive always kinda…been into u, im super sorry if this is weird i didnt mean to make it like that i just think..”

u smile, did fucking brandon dicamillo just confess his love for u ??

“bran..”

he turns to u

“i feel the same way, ive always had i just didnt wanna make things awkward if u didnt.” u smiled at him and scooted closer to him on the couch

“really?!?” he said in shock

“mhm, i like you… like A LOT”

u move in closer and you two end up making out on ur couch

after that day u both agreed to date without anyone knowing

yea it was suspicious when u two wouldnt be able to film or hang out at the same time on the same day but the guys kinda brushed it off

u two went of secret little dates

dico would surprise u ALL the time with cute date spots

random cat cafes, parks, family ran restaurants, he just found little cute places in westchester to take u to, and u LOVED IT

when bam realized u obviously were seeing someone bc u were WAYYY to happy, u decided to snoop

going through u room he ended up finding one of dicos shirts hidden under ur bed

thats when bam decides to confront u about it……

—————————————

might make some type of part two to this but it depends if yall want it or not, hope u enjoyed! also please keep sending in requests i love them sm !! yall are so creative i love it sm

[philhoffman]

The summer is almost over and I can't leave the season without this classic—Almost Famous (2000), dir. Cameron Crowe. I used to think it was a perfect start-of-summer film, but I'm realizing may be better suited to these late August, early September weeks.

I read a comment the other day from someone who was not the biggest fan of Philip Seymour Hoffman's acting, who said the real test of his skills and legacy would be which of his performances would stand the test of time. They doubted any of them would—he didn't have any "iconic" characters, they argued.

While I obviously disagree with their entire assessment—for just one example, The Master and his other projects with PTA will be/remain classics 50 years from now—it did make me think. Phil was, though it's a touchy term, often described as a character actor. Even when he was a leading man, he wasn't playing himself. An actual quote from him in 2002 I just found: "Even if I was hired into a leading-man part, I'd probably turn it into the non-leading-man part." He doesn't have an Indiana Jones, a James Bond, but I don't think that disqualifies him from having iconic or lasting characters.

That's what came to mind rewatching Almost Famous tonight, and I might argue Lester Bangs is PSH's most iconic character. If you consider the ratio between screen time and cultural influence, there's probably zero competition among his roles—under eight minutes of screen time vs. untold thousands of people who still quote, gif, share, gif, write, post, and otherwise remember and feel inspired by his words, over two decades later. (Dusty Davis might be the second-most influential, considering how many people got into storm-chasing thanks to Twister). He's a voice for generations of music lovers, film lovers, everyone who watched Almost Famous for the first time and fell in love with its magic or sided with Bangs' cynicism.

What does it matter what some stranger on the internet says, anyway. Whether people will be watching dozens of his films in 80 years or just a few or none at all, we're watching them now. Last night I found a tribute from film critic Brian Tallerico, from the days after Phil's death: "In Mary and Max, [PSH's character] Max says... 'We can, however, choose our friends, and I am glad I have chosen you.' Hoffman felt like more of a friend than another actor. And I am glad he chose us."

Patrick Fugit, playing William Miler, was just 16 when he starred in Almost Famous, his first movie ever. Phil was violently sick with the flu while filming, sweating and shaking and throwing up between takes. But he still found time to look out for others. Patrick wrote this remembrance of working with Phil, which is making me cry a lot as I reread it tonight:

They had lit the scene quite bright from the outside and the light was just behind Philip. So every time I would look at Philip, I would start squinting and my eyes would start watering, so I would kind of look down at the paper pad to pretend I was writing. They kept telling me, “Hey, you have to look at Philip when you read your lines.” I didn’t know how to say that I can’t actually physically keep my eyes on Philip but Philip had been watching me. He’s like, “Guys, c’mon! Can’t we move the fucking light? I mean, the kid can barely look across the table!” And he and [cinematographer] John Toll kind of got into it. John was like, “We’ll adjust it a little bit but the light’s there for a reason, buddy. We got to light the scene.” Philip said, “Fuck lighting! Do you want it to look fucking good or do you want the kid to be able to act!” ... Then they’re like, “Okay, we’ll move the light,” and then we shot the scene. But it was the first time where I got in a situation where I didn’t know if I could stand up for myself. And he just stepped up and did it for me. And then he kind of looked at me and smiled and said, “Dude, if something’s bothering you, you have to speak up.” I was like, “Okay, yeah, yeah, totally.”