#anyway. life is weird. people come and go. but she felt different. i couldn't put my finger on it

[knifetoheart]

i owe so much to my friends, i truly believe none of us are supposed to go through anything alone. yes there are moments where we need to grieve and no one else can do it for us, but just having someone there to text or call or even hug can really help with processing.

i lived most of my life so alienated so now having these people here means the world to me.

i might not know where i belong but i am so thankful that they keep a space for me here. that they let me occupy space and even want me to have it.

having them here feels right. they love me and i love them and we keep each other afloat. i still feel like something's missing but they are part of the puzzle i'm trying to slowly piece together

[peachdoxie]

Thoughts on Wind and Truth, chapters 7-9 (whoa, three whole chapters!)

They brought the horse. They literally brought the storming horse. With Adolin riding it.

lmao

“No,” she said. “People stop thinking about them. They fade away after centuries… to be lost. Their sword vanishes from your world, and they wander forever.”

Well, that's sad but consistent with Realmatics, I guess. Hopefully they can fix things....

Ishnah: short, not particularly curvaceous, and with a striking tendency to use her Lightweaving to give herself edgy tattoos and black fingernails.

c'mon Shallan, step up your game. Give yourself edgy tattoos and black fingernails!

But then she thought back to a moment at the Battle of Thaylen Field where she could have sworn she’d felt the illusory versions of Radiant and Veil as if they were briefly real. It wasn’t the only time, was it? When one of her illusions had been a little too solid?

Yes, finally, this comes back! Also I'm unsure what the last sentence is referencing, if it's supposed to be calling back to something or foreshadowing to the rest of Shallan's Mysterious Past, or maybe both.

So she hugged him.

Kelek has probably needed this hug for several millennia

Yes, a rock. Dull brown. Huh. “Oh, sorry!” Leyten said. “I didn’t put that in there.” He reached for it, but Kaladin slipped it back in.

Can't wait to find out more about mysterious rocks showing up in places.

“Lusintia,” Syl said. “She’s an absolute bore. No fun at all. I didn’t expect her to join us.”

fucking foreshadowing in chapter 5 when Shallan couldn't find Lusintia. Anyway. GOOD FOR DABBID!!!!!!!!!

She sucked up the Stormlight Lashing her in place. Then, with nothing holding her up, she dropped to the beads after Adolin.

Huh. That's new. I don't think we've seen someone use a Lashing for Stormlight except the person who made it. I wonder if there's Identity fuckery going on with Shallan's "Be. Drehy" thought the line before.

All agree the first key moment came when Kaladin Stormblessed listened. Though not an Edgedancer, he did a fine impression of their oaths.

Confirming Kaladin is NOT the author of Knights of Wind and Truth and also yay, Kaladin listening!

One solemnityspren—rare indeed—spiraled up around him, like an almost invisible grey-blue serpent.

First gloomspren and now solemnity spren. Kaladin just loves attracting weird spren. No offense intended to Syl.

My brothers and sisters are mad from so long with life, but I am sane because I bathe in the blood of Radiants, which renews me.

This is definitely something a sane person would say.

“Afraid of everything,” she continued. “Terrified. Of the world. Of what might happen to my family. Most of all, of myself. I always have been.”

It's interesting to me that we now get a more full explanation of Shallan's Second Ideal, which shows that she's gone through some nice character development to be able to admit that she's afraid of herself.

Radiant formed behind the Heavenly One, made of Stormlight, her head nearly brushing the roof. A Radiant, as Shallan imagined her. Taller than Shallan, stronger, with powerful biceps and a thick neck from extensive training. Hair in a braid, rather than Shallan’s messy, fraying bun. Strong—of a different genre of strength than Shallan—with a Shardblade in hand. Abidi the Monarch laughed. “An illusion?” he said. “You think I’ll be distracted by something unreal?” He continued laughing until the Shardblade speared him from behind, spilling orange blood on his fine white outfit.

GET FUCKED

“Reality,” Shallan hissed, “is what I decide it to be.”

Go Shallan! This is also a terrifying statement!

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

RPWP let's go! To be honest, I didn't know the album dropped today. I thought Lost was another pre-release and that the album would drop in June, but I think that's NJs new album?

Anyway, I watched the Lost MV after waking up and was kind of disappointed. Namjoon's always a mixed bag (except in collabs). I don't understand his way of writing and expressing himself, and find it quite indigestible and dense; his English rap is very slurred most of the time too. Yes, he's incredibly intelligent, can write amazing lyrics, and his Korean rap can be insane, but a lot of the times I can't enjoy his songs. I tend to like his features more (he has some amazing ones, like Change, Sexy Nukim and Don't).

Hours later, I'm back from work and have listened to his album:

Right People, Wrong Place: Nice intro, but immediately his English accent and the way he sings in English is off-putting. The track is also very alternative and indie, which are genres I don't vibe with.

Nuts: Very interesting song... The way he's rapping in the beginning is a bit... it doesn't work super well. I loved the outro though - that part was cool. Overall, it's a good song. People went fucking crazy over the "she's a pro-rider", and also "he's a pro-rider", but I'm not sure this is Namjoon being a "bisexual king"; it's like the relationship from the guy's pov, which is why he says "no woman could stop him" and not "no man [RM] could stop him". But it's still a possible interpretation. I just see too many Armys taking everything he said literally and filling in the blanks with assumptions, creating their own narrative which is quickly being spread as the truth. People are saying RM cut his hair, started working out and deleted his IG pics because of a breakup and that he then got into situationships. I mean, this would be a normal thing to do but those could all be isolated events. You don't know if he cut his hair over a breakup?... Like, Army wants BTS relationship drama so much they act like they know everything. I admit I'm not a normal 20 year old, so who knows? I also wasn't keeping up with his Weverse lives.

out of love: Well, this whole album is very Sundance coming of age movie about a "cool yet lost guy in his 20s who goes to bars, drinks, smokes with this friends while contemplating his existence" which couldn't be further from my vibe. I hate indie music because it's slow, lethargic, whimsical, loose, and I'm neurotic, high-strung, literal, and uptight. I can't vibe with indie; I can't relate to normal 20 years old who smoke weed at parties. That's really nothing special, but to me it's a whole different universe. I have no friends or a life. I can't relate to Namjoon at all... Anyway, him saying "bitches" is not cool. I see Army praising him for hitting back at those who criticize idols for smoking, but, no man - unless he's explicitly queer and saying it and a fun manner, maybe, can use the word "bitch" imo. I fucking hate that word. I also felt like Namjoon was trying to copy black rappers in this song, but I'm probably too white to comment. Can't say I enjoyed the track. I feel really basic, but I'm too straight-laced, boring white girl to appreciate this album, sorry.

Domodachi: Eh... I was expecting the woman to be an amazing rapper, since I saw Army hype her up, but she's... alright? Lyrically, she's pretty basic - in this track at least. Also, it's so weird listening to Brits rap lmao. There's no translation of this track yet, so I don't really know the lyrics.

? (Interlude): I like classical music (won't include XXI classical music in this statement, which I know nothing about and is a lot different from what we traditionally think of as classical music), but I don't like jazz that much in general... Both are considered "intelectual music", but jazz isn't for me... I like structure and a certain repetitiveness in music. Improvisation is just confusing to me and, like, I'm so type A, I just can't vibe with it.

Groin: Joon's cursing is a bit too much in this album. The way he curses is a bit... aggressive?, yet at the same time giving Jungkook in Seven vibes. I guess that's the point. We have "bitch" here again. It's pretty disappointing... I thought he'd learned better. I read the lyrics translation from an account on X and on Genius, and they were quite different... The first was very anti establishment, the second less so. "Not a fucking diplomat" is great though. But I hate the chorus... "Get your ass out the trunk?"...

Heaven: Didn't particularly stand out. This song also doesn't have a translation yet (or I couldn't find one. It's been hours though. If this was an ot7, maknae line, or Yoongi track, 100% sure there would be multiple translations already).

LOST!: The woman singing in the beginning sounds so familiar... The song has a fun rhythm, and of all the RPWP tracks (aside from Come Back to Me), it's the easiest listening song. It actually represents the album very well, unlike Come Back to Me which is a clear outlier (feel kind of deceived, really) and easily the most GP friendly track (hence it being the pre-release). The song is fun but the English lyrics are just bad. The album's full of poorly written English lyrics. I guess it's on purpose? Don't like it, don't get it.

Around the world in a day: Another count for "bitch". The song's okay, butthe lyrics are... Honestly, it feels like the whole album is just vibes. What is he even saying? Heartbreak, anger, etc., but in terms of message, it's very repetitive. It's all so vague too? Don't know what he means because I like things spelled out to me - maybe that's my bad.

Credit Roll: Well, no use commenting haha.

Come Back to Me is the only relatable and truly enjoyable track to me. Sorry, I don't know how to appreciate this album and can't stand a lot of the English. I feel like RPWP highlights everything I like least about RM as an artist... While, I didn't enjoy the album on my first listen, it's cool how experimental it is and that it sounds nothing like idol music. BTS are so diverse musically. If you play this album to anyone and tell them it's BTS, they'll be in absolute disbelief lmao.

Second listen through and review here!

[purplepuddlesuwu]

//My relationship with Art and my ocs//

(Warning talking about serious topics and me Yapping and a little venting)

Sometimes I forget how a lot of my art/Characters is a form of me venting.

Yes even my suggestive art and NSFW art. It's super to think that NSFW art can be used in a form of expressing trauma. Yes both Horrror/Gore/sexua NSFW.

I was thinking I don't do vent art anymore which is how my therapist told me I should express myself. So I thought that meant drawing gore, death, self harm, etc.

But I started experimenting with sex. Mainly like using my persona: Puddles. In a sexual way that represents me in a way. I get goofed on a lot about Puddles being a 'Harlot' or a 'Slut' or a 'Whore' which whatever I guess but Puddles is a lot more than just that to me.

Puddles is an ex- succubus. A failure of a demon. She was banished from hell and heaven due to no one wanting her because of her beliefs and because of the way she wasn't 'made right'. I made Puddles to represent myself in the mind that I wasn't 'made right. I was born into a Jehovah Witness household and raised on those beliefs. But growing up Bisexual, a tomboy, and having ADHD. I didn't feel like I fit into my own family. Especially with the threat of if I didn't worship God right I would be exiled from all family circles and no one would talk to me not even my own parents. My "Family" in this instance to me was my hell.

But the heaven I thought I found with other people in fandoms I was interested in or hobbies I was into or people who were also queer didn't seem to be a welcoming spot for me either. (Not saying all of it but sometimes I did feel unwelcomed in certain spaces at certain times of me trying to figure myself out.) So I sometimes felt like an outsider there too.

I always struggled connecting with people both in my family and in other communities. So making Puddles was kind of my way to express that. Express that I felt alone and yet I still wanted to be involved in sometype of community. Which is where Jin, Cho, Jasmine, Ruby, Sparrow, and some of my other oc's come into play. Jin representing the Warriors Fandom because I based him off of Jayfeather. Cho presenting the furry fandom. Jasmine, Ruby, and Alastor representing the Lgbt+ community and me trying to figure myself out. Sparrow representing those who were raised similar to me in a highly religious household raised on the whole "I don't mind gay people but I'm glad you aren't gay" type of vibe.

And I have plenty of other oc's representing different parts of my life and my experiences and other stuff. But those are the ones off the top of my head.

Sorry I'm getting off topic. Maybe... I don't know. ANYWAY! Sex and expression go hand and hand with me. I started taking antidepressants around 2018 I believe and I was put on birth control in 2019 or 2020 can't remember. So it's safe to say my sex drive was GONE. So I lacked in that department for.... Years. Until 2022/23 when I went off of it when I moved out because I couldn't afford it. It honestly felt so weird and unnatural to have these feelings come back not even gonna lie to you. I mean before then I drew sexual stuff in 2020 but it was mainly because I followed some cool artists that were doing it and it honestly wasn't a lot of NSFW.

But once I got my sex drive back I kinda decided to start expressing all that sexually tension that I was depressed by antidepressants and birth control. Both in a MLW and WLW And MLM. Because it was a form of I guess 'catching up' . Because I mean I used to read a lot of smutt before I went on my meds but while I was on them, nope... Nope... Not even once. Maybe I would glance but it never interested me. Now it all came back and I pretty much dived in and honestly felt sad that I felt like I missed out on a lot of expressing myself through means like this.

Not just in art but also in clothing. I never dressed sexy or showed skin or nothing like that. Mainly because like I said I grew up in a JW household so I would get slut shamed for it but yeah you know what I mean.

I wanted to express myself through sex and suggestive art and sex appeal. It all interested in me especially seeing other artists do the same thing and feel how I felt. Growing up repressed from expressing ourselves our of fear of being labeled a whore or an slut or anything like that. Hell one of my favorite artists I follow is a woman who grew up similar to me and she drawing self ship art NSFW and she very much inspired me and I still follow her and look up to her now. It just feels... Empowering to be able to draw NSFW and dress sexy and be sexy and have a sex appeal and arouse others in the form of art (even if I'm not aroused by it)

It's just exciting and feels rebellious and freeing.

ITs hard to explain to people who don't understand so I'm not gonna try lmao. You either get it or you don't. I'm sorry.

But yeah Puddles, and my other oc's are really just a form of venting and rebellion to me. And I love them dearly.

I feel like this whole thing had like a point to it but maybe I just wanted to Yap I don't know. If you have questions about this I don't mind being asked questions about my oc's/my persona/ or even myself.

[thecactifindahome]

Oh, I didn't know about that, I've seen maybe two or three group interviews that had Rolin in it and it still was mostly the actors talking. And since they were talking about IWTV (the last on my reading list), I couldn't really think much. I did feel like all the characters were well-written so far, but the loumand romance was cute for 2 seconds and then it went South super quick. I assumed it was the case on IWTV, so I was a bit frustrated, but didn't complain. Now that I'm reading the books I might have different feelings about it... I'll keep that in mind and not trust so blindly then. But hopefully with all the collaboration with the writers and actors, it will fulfilling. Maybe Rolin is just weird at interviews. But it's good to low expectations a bit, I guess. And YUP about the dishonest comments... It's funny because it comes from the same people saying human morals don't apply to them and they're all monsters, readers should accept that, but then they draw the line of someone loving more than one person? And I'm not even necessarily talking about romantic love (but that too, the idea of vampires being limited by monogamy is ridiculous to me), but love as a whole. They feel love, affection and care for more than just one person. In fact, I believe a lot of their struggle on both show and books is having such a small circle and trying to make one or two people a lover, friend, mentor, therapist and parental figure. You need more people in your life, specially if you live forever, c'mon. 😅 And the love for multiple people and blurred lines are there since the beginning imo, even if they didn't try it. But on Merrick the polycule vibes were totally there for me. And Pandora was so charismatic! It was a great surprise because I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. I loved Flavius too, even if he wasn't as big. In a way she kind of reminded me of Lestat because she was so vibrant. And I swear I'm not trying to label everyone as autistic, but her lack of filter felt like autism. Reminded me of Armand too in that sense, though Armand is type to tell hard truths with no easing into it or read people for filth while Pandora just hits on people. 😅 there's so much neurodivergent coding on these books, it's crazy. Anyway, I'm still pretty early into B&G, only on chapter 4, but I'm interested in finding more about them all. Also Maharet probably returns? I'm excited to see her again.

The idea that Louis kissing Armand in front of Lestat is the show's version of Armand pushing Lestat off a building is just insane to me 😭 Those are two WILDLY different actions that happen for WILDLY different reasons, and Louis didn't even know about it! If one is their version of the other, I'm bracing myself for Devil's Minion to be Daniel and Sam Barclay joining an ultimate Frisbee league, and also Louis is there for some reason.

And yeah, exactly, that's a great way of putting it - they keep trying to make others fulfill more emotional needs than one person can provide because they just don't have a deep social bench! And their relationships just can't endure that constant pressure forever, especially among such volatile personalities. Taking breaks is better than setting your husband on fire, why on earth is setting him on fire preferable to boning David or Merrick or Armand for a few years?

Pandora is such an icon in her own book. If I moved to a new town and on my first day out I did clown makeup and accidentally walked around in transparent clothes, I too would do whatever it took to become a loathsome creature of the night and never go out in daylight again. Problem causer, problem solver.

Maharet shows up at the end of B&G, but you don't really find out what's going on with her until PL.

[la-princessaa]

In weird way, this post is a long time coming. Does it matter? No. Not particularly. Not to anyone other than me, really. But I'm going through a lot right now. Like, a lot. So I figure, I don't know, just... see where I've come from. The pictures are kind of important. To see how I used to look, the little girl I used to be. Show her some love and care that she needs. She was beautiful. But also be proud of maturing, celebrate getting older, and being alive. That's what these pictures are for. I'm going through a lot in regards to my body, my appearance, autonomy, mental health, and just general change and growth. Growing up. Getting older. Being honest with myself. And also remembering who, exactly, myself is. And carving out a space for me in my own life. Surprisingly hard!

I'm drastically different from 10 years ago. Obviously. 10 years is a long fuckin time. But also I'm one of the unlucky few (or many, I don't know) who had their mental illnesses really take off in their 20s. When I was 16, I was anxious mostly, with some depression. I felt very deeply, regularly, but most of it was happy. I was very sensitive. I did cry a lot. I didn't like the way I looked but I found ways to be happy and appreciate it. I broke up with my boyfriend and honestly. I cried for about an hour. And then I was done. The rest of my teen years were rediscovering myself, dealing with newfound trauma, worsening anxiety and depression, coping terribly, coping well, starting therapy, and just learning... How to be me. Or what exactly felt right. I was super cute, also. I'm baby.

In my late teens-early 20s I discovered that I have, at the very least, OCD-like symptoms in my anxiety. That consumed my life for awhile. My rituals, intrusive thoughts, ruminations, devoured my life for awhile. But I got it back eventually. Everything was... not fantastic, but it was okay. Y'know? I don't really remember a lot from anything before the pandemic, but, hey. Who does? After the pandemic hit, though, I got bad again. So bad, I had to get on medication.

Sometime in my early 20s, I decided I did not like the way I looked. I went to the doctor, saw my weight, went home and just cried. That's always been a struggle for me. Always. Ever since I was about 8 years old, maybe younger, my weight has been a subject. Either directly with me or to my parents from family or doctors. I'm realizing I grew up very different from some of my real-life peers. They didn't have to shop at plus-sized stores and spend exorbitant amounts of money to hope clothes fit. I feel joy and a twinge of jealousy now when I see how accessible clothing is now for fat people. It's fantastic, it's wonderful, but I do feel... some grief, every time, for younger me. I didn't realize I loved fashion until I started losing weight because I couldn't fit into anything. I didn't have variety. I had expensive ass Torrid. And a body that didn't match any of the models. And it was, always, just a little punch every time I went out to buy clothes and couldn't get anything fun in most other stores. Just a slow chip away at my self esteem every time I put something on and hated the way it fit me, hated the way I wasn't the acceptable fat shaped. Hated how I couldn't go into H&M and have anything fit. I still feel this way. I've lost a lot of weight, but these still chip away at me. I'm surprised there's anything left, at this point. Put on clothes, it doesn't lay right on my body. I have so, so much loose skin and it genuinely kills me inside every time I see it.

Anyway. I hated the way I looked, so I decided to lose weight. And it helped. It created a lot of anger and grief that I still have to sift through. A lot of anger at why did nobody tell me this was all it took, how everyone made comments but nobody helped me at all. Everybody was worried for me but nobody told me how to do it RIGHT. It was all no sweets, no fun, no nothing. Atkins. Which, for a teenager who emotionally eats? Fuck that. Plus, I was fine with how I looked, really, as a teen. Some stuff hit me wrong, I had parts I didn't like, but my biggest complex was my boobs. But that was due to a boyfriend. Anyways, I changed habits, it worked and helped. Until the pandemic hit. September of 2021, I bought a dress after getting a job, which was a whole other ordeal. But I put it on. It didn't fit right. And I went "oh". Something shifted that day. And I started down a path I haven't gotten off of. I ignored it, as long as I could. I think I did well. Hell, I started dating and stopped caring after awhile. I quit my job. Gained some weight back. Had a small, like, stupid small health issue that wound up affecting my confidence, and wuh-oh. I did a sharp, sharp left turn and was now having an absolutely terrible view of my body and how I fit into the world. It kickstarted a lot of problems. I went on websites I shouldn't, wandered through parts of Twitter that would make a grown ass, confident man feel terrible about himself. Looked through things I knew would hurt me, to make it all more intense. To see more "progress". I finally spoke up about it, and was like, I gotta get better. This isn't great. Which I have done several times before and since.

And then my world exploded.

Like, big-bang, everything I knew shattered, my world tilted and has never been the same. Every ounce of trauma came back, everything I've talked about here increased to a level I've never had before. I became so, so depressed. I've always been functional in my depressive states. Responsibility has always been stronger. But this time was so different. All I did was lay in bed and cry when I wasn't walking. I, at this point, had only self-harmed occasionally, and then suddenly it was so regular. I count this as when I developed my full-on eating disorder. In my fuckin mid 20s. Suddenly nothing fit me, everything sags, and let me tell you, that does not help. It makes it all worse, actually. I became genuinely suicidal. Like, "staring at my anxiety medication longingly" suicidal. My body dysmorphia is at an all time high, even now. I'm still not out of this. It's better, it's more... I'm doing more healthy, sustainable things, but it's still. bad.

I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore, or in my own head. Genuinely, I've forgotten who I am. As the months have gone on, I've found things that bring me joy or remember things that do, but it's like it's underwater. It's so dull. I think the last week has been the most I've felt like my old self in genuine years. I've done little things to try and fix this. I pierced my nose, which was awesome. I've had a surgery I've wanted since last year. To finally help me feel more comfortable in my skin. To take away a part of me that made me violently uncomfortable. Reclaiming my body to be mine and mine alone. I'm finally buying clothes that fit instead of "I need to gain weight, so I'll get this larger" clothes. It's just as harmful as buying clothes too small to create "goals", by the way. Because in my case, I haven't fixed what's made me drop all the weight, so I'm PETRIFIED of gaining it back. So the clothes are just baggy and don't show off what I like. I don't feel happy or confident in them. Just buy clothes that fit. Seriously.

I'm comfortable saying I'm finally on the mend. I'm not better. But I'm not laying in bed sobbing every day. I'm not self-harming every day. I still have a lot of work to do. A lot. I've become obsessed with being sexy, and desirable, that it's drowning out anything I would actually like. My depression, my eating disorder, my desperation to be accepted and desired and loved, are all drowning out anything that is me. I'm trying to get better. But Jesus, it's a struggle. I do appreciate how I've grown into my face, the nose piercing definitely does a lot. I do still wear what I enjoy, not what my brain tells me I need to wear to be sexy. It's a battle, but I have little victories, at least.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 36 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

My fingers tapped on the steering wheel as I drove Robin back to the airport later that night.

It was like I couldn't get them to stop even if I tried.

I didn't have a handle on my mind and they had a mind of their own.

Robin and I were silent for a little while.

I had a audio-book playing, trying to lose my mind in anything other than my reality at the moment but Robin was a talker, so it didn't last long.

"This was a really fun few days. I'm kinda sad it's over," Robin said, glancing over at me.

I was glad it was enjoyable for one of us.

For me it was anything but.

It was like these short few days had completely derailed my life.

My relationship with Fox, my relationship with Landon, both were completely turned around.

For the first time in a long time, my life felt completely out of my control.

That was why I tended not to let others have a stake in my life. It made things too unpredictable.

"So is everything okay with you and Fox?" Robin asked after I didn't reply.

I scoffed.

"What do you think?"

Robin shot me an awkward smile like that was the exact answer he expected.

"He'll come around," he said.

"I don't think he will."

I knew if it ever came to this, Fox finding out, that it would end poorly.

He was never going to be okay with me being with Landon.

I never expected him to find out or for my relationship with Landon to last long enough for Fox to find out.

"He was bitching at me about you last night," Robin said.

"I told you it was bold to wear Landon's sweatshirt to the game."

I rolled my eyes.

"It's not like I expected to see him after the game. He shouldn't have been in the locker room."

He was the one that told me not to even go, so why would I plan on seeing him afterward?

"Look, I know you two like to be at each other's throats but I think maybe if Fox realized what Landon meant to you he'd be more understanding."

I shook my head and let out a sigh.

Robin clearly misunderstood my relationship with Fox entirely.

We didn't like being on each other's nerves, it was just how we were.

Fox didn't care if Landon meant something to me.

He saw my relationship with him as an act of betrayal.

It didn't matter how I felt.

"You don't know what Landon means to me," I told him.

Robin shot me a knowing look.

He was always so perceptive, one of the only people who could catch me in my lies.

"I wasn't born yesterday," he said.

"You don't have to tell me anything but I know this wouldn't be as big of a deal if you two were just friends."

I didn't say anything.

Robin could believe what he wanted to believe.

The two of us didn't say anything else until I pulled into the airport and pulled off to the side to let Robin out.

"Well, I'll see you in a few weeks," Robin said, pulling his bag from the backseat.

"Try to make up with Fox by Christmas, at least for Mom's sake. She hates when you two are fighting."

"Fly into Boston next time and take the train home," I said, no emotion in my tone.

I was done talking about Fox with him.

I was done talking at all.

The sooner he got out of my car so I could be by myself, the better.

Robin let out a sigh but smiled at me anyway.

"Bye, Wren. Love you."

I gave him a two finger wave and waited until he was in the building before pulling away.

I turned my audio-book back on, rewinding back to the last part I remembered but after a moment I had to stop it.

This was the book I was listening to with Landon and it felt weird to continue it without him, even if he didn't really care about it.

I paused the book and put another on.

It was like there were two different parts of my mind, one that was taking over and directing me wherever I was going and one that was just along for the ride.

I didn't know where I was headed.

I just drove around aimlessly for a while because there was nothing else for me to do.

I didn't know where Landon was or if he even wanted to see me.

Eventually I made it back to my dorm and sat at my desk with my laptop.

Maybe if I read a little bit of my draft, I could pull out of the writer's block I'd been facing lately.

It seemed like the more I read, the worse I felt.

I started to hate my writing, hate the story I created.

It felt too much like I was writing about my own life.

The main character felt too much like me and I started hating traits about him that I found present in myself.

I was sitting at my desk for a while, staring at my computer in irritation.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't even realize James had come into the room until he slammed his hand down on my desk.

"Hello," he said in an annoyed tone.

"Were you just going to ignore me?"

"What?"

I glanced at the time.

It was just after five.

James must have just gotten back from New York.

"I asked how your Thanksgiving was," he replied.

"And your time with your family this weekend? Did you really not even hear me?"

I sighed and shut my laptop, standing from my desk.

"No, I didn't hear you, clearly," I said.

I walked over to my closet and pulled Landon's sweatshirt out, throwing it on over my t-shirt.

"My Thanksgiving was fine. How was yours?"

Not that I really cared all that much but I was so out of it I just had to go through the motions.

"It was good, glad to be back though," James said.

He looked at me strangely when he saw me walking toward the door.

"Where are you going? You don't wanna go get dinner?"

"No, I gotta go," I said, patting my pockets to make sure I had my keys and wallet with me before I left.

I sent a text to Landon on my way down to the car.

To: Landon Reilly [Are you around?] From Wren Ridley

I didn't expect a response but I hoped for one anyway.

Landon hadn't been answering any of the texts I sent him.

I didn't even care about appearing desperate, I just wanted him to respond.

He wanted space after the game, I got that but it sort of felt like he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and that made me feel empty.

If he didn't want to see me at all anymore, I wished he'd just say it.

That way I wouldn't have to appear so desperate for his attention.

A response never came as I drove over to his dorm.

I didn't even know if he was here.

When I knocked on the door, Kyle answered with a look of confusion.

"Landon's not here," he said.

"Do you happen to know where he is?" I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"No but shouldn't you?"

"Well, clearly I don't," I said with a grin, trying to hide the strain in my voice.

I didn't want it to seem like I snapped at him but it may have come across like that anyway.

"I haven't seen him since I got back," Kyle said.

"I figured he was with you."

'Not very helpful, Kyle.'

"Alright then," I replied, turning and walking out.

When I got back to my car, I just sat there for a few moments.

I didn't like this feeling of uncertainty.

I wasn't sure what was going on with Landon and me anymore or if he was angry with me or embarrassed.

It made me feel insecure and unimportant.

I wished he would talk to me.

I wished I knew what to do to make him want to talk to me.

I wanted the two of us to be able to stay in our own little bubble in Providence, not mixing our lives here with ours away from here.

Mixing the two just made things more complicated.

It made it so I couldn't keep my life at school separate from my family which also complicated things.

Fox clearly knew that what I had with Landon wasn't platonic but what did the rest of my family think?

Robin had a hunch, maybe my parents did too.

I had spent so long hiding my true self from all of them just for them to find out like this.

I didn't know what any of them were thinking, didn't know if I even wanted to.

I hated this feeling more than anything.

This was why I never let myself get close to anyone.

This was why letting my feelings reach deep within me for someone else wasn't a good idea.

It was never a good idea, I knew it, yet I let it happen anyway.

I let out a sigh as I looked at my cell-phone once more before leaning my head on the steering wheel.

Then I sat up and started the car.

All I could do was drive around, listening to an audiobook, to clear my mind.

[ulyflynn]

"All three of us?" Uly questioned, certain that of the pair of Asher's lodgers from the fire, Gilly was the one he wouldn't be able to let go. It had been an oddly nice thing to see them around each other, to see his friend happy in a different way. He felt happy for him, which was alien to a boy with bitterness that dripped into into his bone marrow. "I've done that threesome shit before, got weird as fuck real fast. Pass."

He leaves his high school escapades as a mystery to divulge at a different point, ideally when they were less sober and he was less mad. He didn't want to be, he wanted to be apathetic about all things Pearl but as it was, even the ghost of her memory could rile him up. His eyes were on Asher as he chewed another two pieces of cereal, studying him. The fact he hadn't clicked both heels together mid-air and did a celebratory jig was commendable of him, Uly knew how he felt about his ex-girlfriend.

How seemingly everyone felt about it, if the intervention tinged conversations he had been trapped into about her had been anything to go by.

More than anything, he hates other people being proven right.

"Talk about what? Her?" He had forgotten that Asher could be like that sometimes, the sort to steer into skid while Uly was more adapt at accelerating off a cliff edge just to avoid having to examine his own emotions.

His hands felt permanently dirty from all the bridges he had burned and the people in his past he had buried alive in his own affections, even the most vibrant with life could be rendered dead to him with no reversal.

He had only ever known how to be brutal about it, just like his father.

"Got nothing to say about it. One less bitch, one less problem."

He puts the cereal box on the counter then, the top not closed properly as he leans against the edge of the counter and crosses his arms. He can do a masterful job of keeping his expression neutral and his demeanour unphased, close to embodying how much he wanted to portray that he didn't care, but his eyes betrayed him. They always had.

It was how his dad had known he was lying when he said he wasn't scared of him, even when Uly had grown tall enough to be the one who did the towering and doled out reactionary threats.

He can't bring himself to retreat in his own anger around Asher, part because of his ease around him and part fear that he might find his name the next on the list of those he kept close who walked away from him without a look back.

He's not sure he could withstand another one.

"Just feels like everyone who's ever said they loved me reaches this point where they just don't anymore. Or won't. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that because I don't know how to be not me. And when I try I fuck it up anyway. Like with my dad, I tried to be tough like he wanted because I figured if I was then he wouldn't want to beat the shit out of me anymore but he still did cause he was drunk, or I was acting up, or cause it was Tuesday. And with Edie, I was just trying to keep her safe the only way I know how. The only way I'm good for. And I did. I fucking did, but that went to shit anyway. With Pearl..." He trailed off then, a little overwhelmed by the conversation at hand but trying to keep his footing with it because if he wasn't having it with Asher he wouldn't be having it at all.

"She was a good thing for a while. Coming off of two years behind bars, a good thing starts looking like everything real easy. Don't blame her for leaving. Don't think I blame any of them, but if I don't then that just leaves me. And sometimes I wonder what I'll say or do that'll push you away too."

He doesn't want that to be an inevitable, but if history was any indicator of the future, he couldn't see how it wouldn't be.

"Is it?"

It is, Asher's heard from a few people, but he's done well to keep it on the hush as he remains glued to this particularly difficult level of Cut The Rope on his phone. As if as their tenants, Uly and Gillian wouldn't be informed, it was an ill-prepared plan of his to try and drag this out. With a new mattress, Asher has no reason to camp out on Uly's sofa, and Gillian will be returning to her apartment in the same breath. So, he staves off the impending lonely feeling by focusing on his current company.

"Maybe we should quit our jobs and live out of a van on the beach." At least Asher can say with confidence then, as really fucking gooey and sentimental as it is, he could make a home out of a cardboard box if he could squeeze Uly in there. "I heard Venice is good for that. Seen it, even. And there's a skate park there."

Then, Uly drops a single sentence that draws Asher from his game. This slow rise of his eyes and the turn of his head while he searches his friend for clarification. Furthering his explanation with an insult, one Ash even tossed her way, and then pointing out a scar. A detail that Asher sees in blaring obviousness now that there is a cause and a name behind it.

It takes every bit of self restraint in him to not bounce to his feet in celebration, or to agree with the 'bitch' comment because Asher wants to be a good friend. Good friends are compassionate. "Oh, shit. That - sucks."

'Not so good. Recalibrate.'

This casual way to drop the information is no surprise though, Uly's too-cool demeanor something of concern in that Asher can't tell if… this is something that actually bothers him. And with a bleeding heart all his own, Asher can acknowledge that even if didn't like Pearl but she'd been something to Uly. As much as he didn't want to admit it, she was.

Asher hated it, he wanted to stomp it out with every fiber of his being, but he finds his desire to celebrate snuffed out with the raise of concern.

"Uh…" Ash looks down to the box of cereal, then slowly but up to Uly's face. Alright, time to man the helm and head into potentially treacherous waters. "Did… you want to talk about it? Are you okay?"

[lokisprettygirl]

The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read Chapter 9 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 10

Summary : The day of Katlyn's party doesn't go as well with Loki as you thought it would, you both come to a realisation

Warning : Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I'm (loki is) developing?

When you woke up the next morning you showered, put on a dress and did your makeup. You were at Steve's house and you didn't want anyone to comment over your features, the little belly fat you had was already the reason for your constant humiliation, it wasn't even visible from under the clothes but they all just loved bullying you.

You remembered what Loki said, you wondered how different your life would have been if it was Loki in place of Steve. He would never make you feel so horrible about yourself.

As you stepped out to the dining area, everyone was already there, they were kind enough to allow Loki to sit with them but then you realised it was Katlyn's idea and you knew why she did that, she wanted to fuck him and you hated the thought of it. She always enjoyed taking away everything you wanted.

You sat in front of Katlyn and Loki, your dad was on the chair left to you and Steve was on the right side, his mom sat next to your dad followed by his dad. They were all laughing about something, discussing their frivolous lifestyle and business but your mind remained focused on how Katlyn kept trying to indulge Loki with conversation. Bucky sat on the other side of her and he was being ignored royally by her.

You raised your feet up and your toes brushed against Loki's shin, his breath hitched and he looked at you.

He shook his head a little so you looked away but your toes kept rubbing over his shin.

He was stuck there, with the most annoying woman he has ever known, she kept talking and he had to be courteous. He was working for these people afterall.

"Happy birthday Katlyn" you said to her and she chuckled.

"You remembered just now? you sat down five minutes ago, but it's okay I get it, the sight of food always makes you forget everything right?" She giggled and Loki clenched his jaw, he didn't understand why these people kept bullying you for eating. This was so damaging for your self esteem and because of this constant scrutiny you practically lived on one meal a day.

"You should have seen her as a kid, she was so cute like a fat pig " she mocked you and everyone on the table chuckled as if it was the most humorous sentence they have ever heard.

"I blame her mother for that, she ruined her eating habits " your eyes teared up as your father mentioned her, the only time he ever mentioned her was when he wanted to blame her. He couldn't leave her alone even after she was gone.

"Let me just slide the butter away from her before she'll gorge on it" Steve said jokingly and that's when you got up and stormed out of there.

"She's still not able to take a joke? I just hope she won't embarrass me at our parties, our daughter in law will have to follow some rules and regulations, I won't tolerate this type of behavior" Pamela huffed and Rocky assured her that he'll take care of your attitude.

Loki was beyond infuriated at this point, they didn't even allow you to have a bite of food in peace. They were the reason why you felt so conscious about your body and they were enabling the unhealthy eating habits you have made.

"Let her be, we are going to the beach right? Wouldn't want her to look fat in a bikini anyways" Steve said and Katlyn laughed.

Loki's appetite was gone too, he has worked for wealthy selfish people before and has seen so much but he has never seen anyone treat their own child like that.

He got ready as he had to be wherever you'll go, he waited outside your bedroom while you got ready,

"Hello handsome" he heard Katlyn's voice and that made him groan internally.

"Hello mam"

"Jeez stop calling me that" she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You are so hot, I want to fuck you before you leave" she placed a kiss on his cheeks one by one and she was about to kiss his lips. He was going to stop her but it was right then you opened the door and found her curled up to him. You felt insanely jealous, hurt and you felt angry with him. You had no right to feel so but you did. You stormed past them so he followed you quickly.

Katlyn grabbed his arm and he tried to pull it back but she didn't let go.

As you all stepped out, you glared at him but his eyes softened as he looked at you.

"Big bro can I borrow this bodyguard for the trip?" Katlyn asked him and Steve smirked. He knew this would affect you a little, you always hated it whenever your toys were shared with Katlyn,

"Take uncle Rocky's permission, he works for him" of course your dad didn't deny, Steve was going to be with you so he didn't care about your safety at all. That's not how Loki thought this day would go for both of you especially after last night. When nobody was looking he somehow managed to slip a granola bar in your handbag and texted you so you could eat whenever you'll get time.

Rocky, Mason and Pamela took one car, Loki and Katlyn went separately and you were stuck with Steve and Bucky.

You took out the granola bar to eat as your stomach grumbled, why did you feel so hurt and jealous? He wasn't your boyfriend, he wasn't even your friend. He was nothing. Right?

"Let me see how many calories it has?" Steve snatched the bar away from you and threw it out the window. Bucky chuckled at the action so you glared at him, ever since you fainted Steve has gotten worse for some reason, he wasn't this critical about your body or food before that. Your dad always kept you on a diet but Steve gave no shit, he only cared about the benefits he got from being with you. So why was he being so evil now?

At the beach, Steve showed off his chiseled abusive body but it did nothing for you, your eyes were focused on how Katlyn was trying to get cozy with Loki, he looked uncomfortable but if he was then why didn't he stop her? He clearly could stop her if he wanted to.

You took the beach dress off and went for a swim, Katlyn glared at you as you showed off your toned body while she had zero muscle mass to compete with you. She couldn't even lift 20 pounds.

Loki couldn't stop staring at your body, he found you all kinds of sexy, your toned arms and legs, that bubble butt that he had the privilege of seeing before as well made him real uncomfortable between his legs. He loved your soft little belly, you had abs but it was hidden by a layer of fat that you couldn't get rid of and he absolutely didn't care about that, he liked everything about you, the more he got to know you, the more fucked he felt for you.

You went from being daddy's spoiled little princess in his eyes to being darling y/n, the girl that he knew was being hurt and abused every minute and he wanted to protect you so badly but he was failing. He was a slave to his employers here, these people were capable of chopping his bones up and feeding them to the sharks, nobody would bat an eye if he went missing right this moment. He had to be cautious with his actions towards you and for you, he had to be really smart about it.

As you all went back to the mansion and Katlyn decided to allow him to breathe, he knocked on your door but you politely asked him to fuck off.

Okay so he wasn't the only one going through a grind here. You were jealous right?

He tried to talk to you but you ignored him throughout the day, at the party you put on the bodycon dress just to spite him and that made him upset. You purposefully found the hottest guy in the room and clung to him, even though all you wanted was for Loki to hold you in his arms, the way he just allowed Katlyn to grope him didn't sit well with you.

He watched you dancing and pretending to have fun when he knew deep down you were just trying to rile him up and it was working.

Katlyn got super drunk, like embarrassingly delirious, so Steve asked him to take her to her bedroom..

"Careful miss" he mumbled as she stumbled on her heels and held onto him. Your dad got busy at the party, and Steve entertained himself with other people, so you followed them both and you hated every second of the closeness they shared.

You decided to go to your room as your eyes teared up, why did you have to get attached to him? He hugged you twice and you thought he cared about you?

"Nobody cares about you..you dumb fool" you threw a vase in the corner to let out your frustration, just a little. It didn't work.

After a few hours when the party died down, you heard a knock on your door, when you opened it, it was Loki of course. With a tray of food in his hands.

You turned around to get inside and he sighed.

"Why are you upset with me?" He asked you and you crossed your arms,

"I'm not upset..why ..why would I be upset?" You said that but your eyes gave it away. He could see the hurt in them.

"Sit down, you are going to eat" he said softly and placed the tray down on the bed, you were still in the dress you wore at the party, he saw the shards of broken vase splattered all over the room.

"Did you eat the bar I gave you in the morning?" You shook your head as he asked you that.

"Why darling?"

"Steve threw it away" your voice choked and that made him run his fingers through his hair in anger and frustration.

"Did you fuck her?" You asked him and he glared at you.

"That's none of your concern" he snapped at you and you chuckled at the tone of his voice. His anger was misplaced and he regretted it almost immediately.

"Get out"

"Y/n.."

"Get out please..I can't..I can't take this..you..you are all the same.. everyone..all the same" you broke down into a fit of cries, this has never happened to you before, you had learned to drown your emotions then why was he affecting you like this?

He heard your broken cries so he walked towards you and tried to hug you but you took a step away, he didn't let it deter him from comforting you. He grabbed your shoulders and pulled you closer to him, his own eyes teared up because he didn't want to be the reason for your sadness, he wanted the opposite of it.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry darling, I'm sorry" he whispered softly as he kissed the top of your head. You cried your heart out and it was only when your sobs diminished is when he pulled you away from him. He caressed your cheeks with his thumbs and made you look at him.

"Now talk to me okay? Why are you upset with me? Hmm? Why are you acting out? Is it because of Katlyn?" He asked you and you nodded like a child as you sobbed again,

"She means nothing, I don't care about her" he whispered softly and his lips lingered on your forehead.

"And me? You care about me?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about you"

"I don't..don't want you to sleep with her or be her friend, she's horrible, shell take you away like she took him" you sniffled

"Who did she take away from you?" Tears slipped down from his eyes because your broken little sobs were too hurtful.

"Him.. he was..my first boyfriend..we were sixteen, and she told him horrible things about me, and she took him, he didn't want me anymore, he only wanted her" you hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around you to make you feel safe and protected. Years worth of pain and abuse from the people you called your friends and family, what else were you hiding inside you? The carefree slutty persona you showed him the first day he met you was just a facade, this scared shattered girl in his arms was your real self.

"Okayyy ssshhh stop crying, just calm down for me...breathe for me okay?" He caressed your back softly as you held onto him tightly. You couldn't stop crying for some reason, it was as if you couldn't just hold it all in anymore. Once your breathing leveled and sobs diminished he picked you up and made you sit down on the bed.

"Look at me..hey" he cupped your cheeks so you looked at him

"I'm not going to sleep with her, I'm not going to be her friend and I don't want her, she can't take me away alright? I'm your…I'm your bodyguard darling and I.. I am your friend.. nobody is going to take me away I promise "

"You promise?" You asked him and he nodded

"I'm sorry I.. I'm sorry for all of this..I don't know what's happening" you mumbled softly, the aftermath of the breakdown always left you feeling embarassed and stupid .

"It's okay..we will figure it out, I'm going to protect you okay? You're my responsibility" he mumbled softly as he kissed your forehead.

Then he grabbed the plate of food and fed you each n every bite until you were all full and couldn't eat anymore. You skipped not just breakfast but lunch as well, you just had a few drinks at the party and he didn't want you to get sick again.

"Can you do something for me?" He asked you so you nodded

"I want you to eat three proper meals everyday, okay? Can you do that for me?" You looked down as he said that, you always skip lunch.

"I.. I don't want to gain weight, I have to fit into my wedding dress" your eyes teared up as the reality of your situation hit you like a wave. Just two more months and you'll become Mrs Rogers. What will happen to you and Loki then? Would you continue to see him like this? It wouldn't be possible you knew that.

"You won't gain anything, I'll take care of that, we will go to gym everyday, but I need you to eat properly to justify all that heavy workout you put your body through, it's not healthy to keep going like this, are you listening to me darling?" You nodded as he said that, you were listening to him. That's all you wanted to do, he was the only person you wanted to listen to from now on.

"Okay, I'll listen to you" you mumbled meekly and he kissed your forehead again.

"That's my good girl, the best ever, three meals yeah? I can't feed you all the time so you just have to do it for me alright? Don't listen to them, listen to me, I would never want to hurt you, you hear me?" You nodded as your arms flung around his neck.

"Do you have a granola bar?" You asked him so he took one out of his pocket and gave it to you but you gave him back.

"Feed me" you mumbled softly so he unwrapped it quickly and placed the bar in front of your mouth, you took a bite and closed your eyes as you chewed on the piece. His eyes lingered over your plump lips and he desperately wanted to kiss you.

You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips as you took another bite of the bar, you hummed or moaned in contentment, he couldn't figure out the sound but he knew he was turned on from the sight. He never thought feeding someone like this could give him such feelings but here he was exploring whatever this was.

You are so young, so beautiful, so hurt and so terribly sad. Even though you have access to every amenity this world can offer, you are the most broken little thing he has ever known. Money can buy almost everything except genuine feelings, the care, the love, it only grew and built with time and his love for you was building everyday, more and more.

In that moment he knew that it would destroy him to allow you to slip away from him. He didn't want to fail you.

And as you placed a kiss on each of his fingers after you finished the bar, he knew that's how he wanted to take care of you for the rest of his life or until the moment you'd want him to do it for you.

🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚❤️❤️🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚

[wonwoosthetic]

minnie lets go! seventeen episode please

This one is so long omg, why do they have to talk so much😫😂 but here you go☺️

EP. 5 Let's Go! SEVENTEEN #1 🌷 Minnie

K-Pop Masterlist

Requests, taglist, and asks are open! :)

Word Count: 6.7k

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

Italics is what couldn't be seen on camera

Minnie and Woozi stood in the middle, microphones in their hands and the members on either side of them, as the camera started filming them.

The two introduced the new Going Seventeen episode, "1 second makes all the difference! Let's Go!" and the rest joined them, chanting, "Seventeen!"

"Very well done, everyone," the girl looked around, complementing the guys.

"Yes, you've come so far in the morning and listened so well to us," the other MC for the episode continued. Before they could continue, Hoshi and DK raised the positive energy in the room,

"No, no,"

"We need to follow the hosts well."

"You guys remember 'Boo Seungkwan's Past Life Destiny', right?" Woozi ignored the overly hyper men, making the female next to him chuckle.

The mentioned member walked out of the line they had created and raised his voice, "Exciting Saturday, Flaming Night!" Jun was quick to shoo him back as soon as he noticed that his younger brother interrupted Minnie, who was getting ready to continue the speech, earning a laugh from her.

"Well, that MC got fired," Woozi turned to his co-MC that quickly put the mic up to her lips, "So we've been newly employed after they noticed that it might actually take two people to host a show like this." The rest of the guys started clapping their hands, shouting words of excitement and approval into the large gym, taking some of the girl's nervousness but not all of them. Minnie loved talking, she really did. But she prefered doing it in the comfort of her own home and not necessarily hosting two episodes of their Variety Show... but, what Carats want, Carats get.

Jeonghan put an arm around Joshua's shoulder and turned to the two moderators, "There was one more person that was fired. The host of 'Carnival'."

The youngest '97 Liner's eyes met the youngest '95 Liner's, and she started laughing, seeing the emotionless smile he gave them.

"Actually," she started, keeping her gaze on him, "They wanted two episodes of 'Carnival', but they couldn't. Just another example that one host-", but she quickly got interrupted by the man she had been looking at, as he attacked her with a hand covering her mouth and an arm thrown around her, trying to get her to shut up.

Woozi didn't let this stop him from proceeding, "Anyways, this is the second content of the old entertainment shows series. It's 'Let's Go Seventeen'," the members nodding along, "You guys need to run around a lot today." After the last statement, Minnie looked up to Jun, who was standing next to her, smiling brightly at him as she already knew, from their drive to the location, he wasn't too excited about it, but she felt the same way about it. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulder, squeezing it to give her some assurance while they kept on listening to the other '96 Liner.

Everyone got requested to start warming up. Dino asked for someone to guide them and show them what to do - that's when Minghao started doing weird leg movements, challenging the others to do the same. He got pushed forward to stand in front of all of them and began with the official warm-up,

"Okay! Five, six, seven, eight," and all 13 tried to copy his actions. Suddenly, he changed the exercise and started walking backwards on all fours, which most of the others just ignored and chose to rather look at him wide-eyed, amazed by his abilities.

"Ready, right?" He asked into the round, to which some just who had done the exercises carefully just nodded.

Neither one of the MCs was about to start talking again, so the Maknae took it into his own hands, "Actually, I really feel very excited doing the 'Let's Go! Dream Team' because-", "It's 'Let's Go! Seventeen'," Seungkwan reminded him. "I feel very excited doing 'Let's Go! Seventeen' because it is my speciality," the youngest finished his speech when the hosts erupted in laughter, "You guys know how good I am with using my body."

"I don't know!" Wonwoo threw the words at him, making everyone laugh.

Woozi motioned for Minnie to continue the introduction, "So, you guys see this obstacle course?" She turned around to take another look herself as her members shouted, "Yes!", "We need to race through these obstacles, so-,", "How much did it cost?" The leader suddenly questioned, earning him a look of confusion from the girl.

"It seems it cost a lot," her co-host answered.

"So there are no prices for winning," she finished explaining, looking to her right. Joshua pointed a finger at her, "But I heard there was a prize."

"What if," Jeonghan started proposing, making the hosts roll their eyes, "the MVP can make a wish."

"Oh, so just one MVP?" the male MC wondered, turning his attention to the producers, "How about giving the MVP a wish coupon?" Minnie chuckled once she saw the producers looking at each other, not expecting to be put into a situation like this. Jun rested his head on her shoulder, already tired from standing for too long, having to listen to the others negotiating.

Without much convincing needed, the production crew quickly agreed on the proposal, letting them continue filming. But Seventeen's Loki didn't seem to be satisfied with that just yet,

"Or three wish coupons for the MVP?", "Jeonghan, no! Stop being greedy," Minnie laughed at her older brother after noticing the crew behind the camera didn't know how to make the group happy.

Her comment earned her a salty look from the older one, but he stopped complaining.

Dokyeom, who hadn't been able to catch most of what the right side of the line kept on talking about, asked, "What's the prize?"

"We said it's a wish coupon!" Jeonghan shouted back with a jokingly annoyed tone accompanying his voice. The younger one apologized hastily, explaining that he couldn't hear well.

"The mics don't seem to help," Jun pointed at Minnie's microphone, who in response hit his shoulder with it.

"The microphones," Woozi explained, "are just for decoration." To which the others nodded understandingly with smiles on their faces.

"Sing us a song!" Dino suddenly demanded but got ignored by both MCs. The girl took a step back, letting the other host talk to the members to her right, as she gave the youngest a stern look after he started singing something, clearly not interested in what she and Woozi were saying. The maknae seemed to feel a pair of eyes on him as he turned to his right, meeting the glare of his member that got him to shut up without hesitation. She raised her eyebrows, asking him just by the look on her face, 'Are you done?' that made him freeze in position, everyone chuckling at the sudden change in atmosphere.

One of the producers asked them to continue, so the male host turned back to the camera, "Well, now we have to divide into teams. Let's play a game for that."

"Picking up flags?" Hoshi wondered after noticing the set-up behind them.

"Oh," Woozi looked at him impressed, "You studied this very well."

"That's right," he gave the older member a thumbs up and a cute smile, making Minnie giggle at how proud he seemed to be, "I really wanted to do this." This made her change her facial expression quickly, "Really?", looking at him in shock, not understanding how someone could be this motivated to do sports.

"I hated it the other day because I had to use my head," he explained. Woozi nodded, "Ah, the 'One Million Won' content, I see."

"Okay so, we started very well," Minnie took it into her own hands to make the introduction a bit longer, meeting the producer's eyes who motioned for her to keep going, "Ehm... ", she thought about her next question for another second, "do you want to talk about how we've been these days?"

Seungkwan started clapping and laughing, adoring this side of the girl, "You really are new to MCing."

[Kim Minnie, MC Intern]

Making her lower her head and nod with a sad smile as Jun patted her back, finding amusement in her shyness.

Dino decided to answer, "Well... I just want to say how happy I am about having such a beautiful MC for today,", pointing his hand at Minnie, "I truly think this episode will become-,", but she decided to shut him up with an unimpressed expression, "Aaah, alright, alright, it's okay." The youngest looked at her wide-eyed, genuinely curious about what he did as he only tried to compliment her.

Before they could start a discussion, Jeonghan decided to get in between, "That Minnie looks pretty is true. But do we have rules in this game?" Making the two giggle at each other.

"We have to listen well to what the director says," the MC explained as the girl just got back into her position between Woozi and Jun, "You'll run from the white line to the other." Which Hoshi seemed to see just then.

"It's like a warm-up," Woozi finished his speech, "It's a game to decide the teams, so don't feel pressured."

"Do we have insurance if we get hurt?" S.Coups suddenly wondered.

"You have a lot of questions today," the girl smiled at him as Mingyu whined, "Why do you bring up the insurance? It's just a show."

After a bit more bickering between the members, they got summoned to stand behind the white line that got mentioned before - lining up next to each other, ready to run across the gym hall. The two hosts got a brief explanation of the game before getting released to stand in front of the camera again. While Woozi stood closer to the group, Minnie's place was along the side of the field, where they would eventually sit down once they got eliminated. As soon as the director gave them the cue to start talking again, the male MC got to work,

"The twelve of you, excluding Minnie and me, will run towards the flags. The ones to pick the up flags are safe. The ones who don't pick up the flags are out."

Dokyeom walked out of the line they had created, "Are the losers unable to participate?"

"No, no, it's not that," Minnie motioned, "They'll just encourage the others from here." Jumping down in her place with her hands into fists, raising them.

"You have to talk into the mic," Seungkwan pointed at her.

[Experienced MC teaching the intern]

She quickly realized, chuckling along with the others and put her hands down again, "Right, sorry, " before raising the microphone up to her lips, "You'll then cheer from here." After gathering themselves again, her members nodded, understanding her explanation.

Woozi then quickly started the game, not wanting to waste any more time.

The twelve men laid down onto their stomachs, facing the other way and waited for the male MC to give them the 'Go' to start running. He decided to tease them, extending "Get Seeeeeeeeet," before eventually shouting, "Go!" and the members turned around swiftly and began running to the flags on the other side - Vernon decided against it and just started jogging casually, unbothered by losing.

Dokyeom's sudden screams made Minnie laugh out loud, and once she saw Seungkwan pushing Hoshi down, causing him to fall and lose, she couldn't hold herself up anymore and fell down to her knees.

"Hey, Boo Seungkwan!" he pointed at him, "What was that?"

"Why? Why? Why?" Jeonghan smiled sheepishly. The female MC got up and walked over to the '96 Liner who had thrown himself onto the floor, sulking about the unfair move. As he tried explaining himself, defending what he did and blaming Seungkwan for his loss, she linked her arm with his and started dragging him to where she had been standing before, gathering Vernon along the way by putting her arm around his.

"Don't get angry. It's okay," she spoke into the mic, not being able to take him completely serious as he kept on whining.

Hoshi, Vernon, and Mingyu sat down while Seungkwan and her decided to stand, watching the next round closely.

The members started running again, but this time Jeonghan was the one to hold back the ones beside him - the victims being Dino and Joshua. The maknae stepped back, already knowing he wouldn't be able to catch up on the others, whereas the other one seemed unbothered by it and just continued trying to finish the race, which he did and was even able to get a hold of the flag before Wonwoo could.

"Yoon Jeonghan!" Minnie scolded him as he played innocent.

"Wait," Dino spoke up, but Seungkwan interrupted him, "Oh, that's enough. Stop complaining about getting pushed around."

"You're one to talk," the girl scuffed at him, earning a stern look which she copied to mock him. Suddenly, she felt something being placed into her hand, making her hold onto it before it could drop to the floor. Looking down, she saw one of the blue flags that she was now holding, and after turning to her left, she noticed Wonwoo had walked past her to sit down next to the other members who had already gotten eliminated but not before sending her a quick smile. The small gesture made her grin as her grip around the wooden stick got tighter.

She got back into her MC role after the other members that got eliminated, sat down in front of her, "You know, this content is intended to promote Seventeen's union-", "You mean promotion of anger," the oldest '98 Liner provoked her, to which he shut him up by covering his face with the flag, "Union." She held onto the mic tightly before continuing, "You shouldn't promote your anger," and nodded, "So let's go on to the final round, okay?" The rest cheered as she finished her speech, waving the flag, and started encouraging DK who was shocked by how far he had come himself. She decided to stand back but quickly got pulled to the front by Seungkwan - reminding her of their role as the cheerleaders of Seventeen. He was about to hand her one of the flags he had been holding when he noticed one in her hand, "Oh, you already have one?" She put the microphone down and nodded, "Yeah, Wonwoo gave me one." The corners of his mouth curled up, and he started blinking really fast, trying to give her a cute look, "Oooooh." But it only made her hit him with the wooden stick, careful not to break it while having to hide another smile that crept on her lips.

After taking a look around, she found another flag to take so that both of them would hold onto two to use as props, and she neglected the mic, placing it somewhere on the floor. Getting ready for Woozi to start the final round of the game, the two of them started bopping up and down while waving the flags around.

Dokyeom's action of pulling S.Coups back, letting Joshua and Minghao win, made the members on the side laugh and the leader sulk.

"Come on, that's not fair," he started walking up to the two MCs who had also gotten the role as the referees but got held back by Hoshi.

The '97 Liner tried to defend himself, "It seemed like you and I couldn't win anyways," but Cheol didn't believe a word he said, "No! I was going to pick one up!"

The two hosts decided to stand back and let the other two deal with the situation themselves. In the meantime, Minnie had gotten back to stand next to Woozi, having put the flag back to where they were before. Both of them were standing behind the members again, ready to give them the next instructions. He turned to the girl, wanting her to continue, but he quickly noticed that she wasn't holding onto her microphone,

"Where's your mic?" She looked down at her hands, "Oh," and started looking around before her eyes settled on Seungkwan who was holding it out to her, looking unimpressed with her work as an MC. Smiling sheepishly at him, she rushed over and quickly took it out of his hands before placing herself next to Woozi again, who had already begun talking again,

"You two are the winners," earning a round of applause from the rest, "These two now have the power to choose their team members."

After a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors that the Chinese member had won, he chose Jeonghan to join his team. Joshua followed by selecting S.Coups, dragging him to stand next to him.

"These two older guys are good at sports," Dokyeom commented.

"Yeah, but how well do you think old men will do in an obstacle course," Minnie looked at the two teams with squinted eyes. Seungcheol was quick to react, "Hey! What are you talking about, huh?" Approaching the younger girl with quicky steps, as she back up giggling, trying to hide behind Seungkwan, who just pushed her back in front of him. Woozi stopped Coups from getting any closer by continuing,

"The brain vs. competitiveness", pointing to each of the teams.

"I'm so pumped right now," Hoshi expressed his excitement as Minnie stood behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, laughing at his comment.

"Really?!" Minghao approached him with the same enthusiasm,

"I'm on fire!" The tiger responded. But the '97 Liner changed his direction shortly before Hoshi, "Mingyu, let's go!" To which the girl hugged her member, trying to comfort him while not being able to hold back the laughter escaping her mouth, "You just have to keep on burning, alright?" She spoke into the mic, not leaving her place behind him.

Joshua was next and walked up to him with an extended hand, about to grab Hoshi's when he suddenly turned to his right,

"Wonwoo!!" And reached for the other '96 Liner. Minnie looked at the 25-year-old in shock at how much he had started becoming like Jeonghan... She stood up, shaking her head and whispered into her microphone, "I'm sorry, Hoshi."

As it was Minghao's turn again, she had already given up trying to comfort the tiger and just decided to stay back and enjoy the show as Dokyeom got picked next after asking Hoshi repeatedly, how motivated and excited he was. It was getting so hard to hold herself together, watching her members going at each other.

Next, Joshua's team chose Dino, passing Seungkwan and Hoshi, who both thought they'd get picked. At this point, Minnie had thrown herself around Seungkwan, not being able to hold herself composed with what was going on.

"You guys...," she couldn't even speak into the microphone properly, making the guys laugh as they watched her trying to get herself together to MC properly again.

Finally, Hoshi got picked by Minghao even though he made it seem like Seungkwan would be the one, who then just sulked with the girl on his arm. They watched the '96 Liner get overhyped along with his team, assuring them of his abilities,

"I'm a tiger! I will kill them!"

Minnie turned around, placing a hand on her forehead, trying to breathe normally again, "Oh my god."

"Are you okay, Minnie?" Woozi wondered, speaking into the mic. She looked back to the front, fixing her hair and wiped away some of the tears that threatened to leave her eyes, "Yes, I just... anyways!" She smiled before standing back on both of her feet, as composed as she could be.

Seungkwan started looking around, especially focusing on the guys that were sitting next to him, Jun and Vernon, "Hey, am I really with these guys?" And just seeing the laugh that Jun had on his face made her unstable again, wrapping her arms back around the sulking member as he tried to push her off.

"Seungkwan! If we pick you," S.Coups pointed at him, "You better win," almost scolding him for his antics.

"But you picked me last! I don't want this!" He shouted back.

"You're not last. Hey, don't pick him." Minnie's head just switched between the two members. But Joshua didn't listen to the leader and decided to pick him anyways.

"Okay!" The girl spoke up, "The remaining members are Junhui and Vernon!" And Minghao didn't hesitate to drag the fellow Chinese member into his team, leaving the American-Korean to go to Joshua's team.

As both teams settled, Woozi explained the further steps, "And last but not least. We," he pointed to Minnie and himself, "Get to choose which team we want to join." Before he could continue, Dokyeom took the word,

"Well, MCs, which team do you think looks stronger?" Even though it was not how the decision was supposed to happen, each of them looked around when a member of each team suddenly started showing their strengths.

"Hoshi and Woozi, we are here now!" Hoshi started chanting, not noticing the look on the girl's face.

"Hey! Who tried to comfort you because you didn't get chosen!" She scolded him, to which he quickly stopped and bowed, "Ah yeah, right, sorry."

Dino suddenly got into a push-up position, "Minnie! Let's do it together! I'll show you!" Making her laugh and cover her mouth as she found the Maknae's antics way too cute. The team was about to continue, showing Minnie how much they wanted her on the team when they got interrupted by the probably least sane person of the group doing some weird leg movements with his arms up in the air, "Jihoonaaaa!" The entire group looked at him either confused as hell or laughing their asses off, not knowing how to properly react. Not even letting anyone say another word, Minghao's team quickly joined in on the fun and copied their member's action, trying to get Woozi to join their team.

Not wanting to get involved with whatever they had going on, Minnie turned to Joshua's team with an unimpressed look on her face. Dino was the first to answer her, "Say the name, Seventeen!" and literally just did the group's greeting. The girl closed her eyes, placing her fingers to her temple, thinking about what the hell did she do to end up here. She couldn't do anything else but to look at the guys in front of her doing the greeting over and over again, so she just turned her attention back to Woozi.

"Thank you for showing us so much love guys-", "One, two, three," Seungkwan interrupted him, making all heads turn to him. Once the last word left his lips, the six members of the team all shouted in unison, "Jwiahae!" Copying Minnie's version of the 'Horanghae' that had started it all, and even doing the heart she would usually show with it. The girl started giggling and blushed slightly, covering her mouth quickly while shaking her head. The opposing team didn't let that stop them as they started chanting for Woozi again with the weird move Hoshi had created.

"Let's choose quickly," Dokyeom smiled at the MCs.

"You really think we still have to choose?" She looked at him with wide eyes and a smile, making the guys around her laugh, "You really think so?"

While the male host kept on playing along, pretending to choose a team, the female heard faint whispers from her left that kept on saying, "Jwiahae." She chuckled and turned, only to come to sight with all of the guys from Joshua's team sending her hearts and Seungkwan slowly getting closer to her, not stopping repeating the word.

"How about we play Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Woozi suddenly proposed. She shook her head with a chuckle, "Sure," and shrugged whereas the '98 Liner next to her just stood still, perplexed at the sudden idea, but he didn't leave her side. Seungkwan started the game, "If you don't play, you lose! Rock, paper, scissors!" Minnie went for scissors, and Woozi decided on rock, therefore winning this game.

Minghao's team erupted in loud cheers as they already knew the MC would join their team, but Joshua's was quick to react and immediately did the same, running up to her to engulf her in a group hug after Seungkwan had already embraced her tightly.

"But look, she didn't even win Rock, Paper, Scissors. How is she going to win this?" Seungcheol jokingly asked the others, earning him a slap on the arm from the girl, "Hey! What does that have to do with anything!" She sulked, "And that's the reason I was chosen as an MC. I'm not fast! I didn't know I would have to run today," defending herself to only get a giggle from Coups and a comforting hand on her back that belonged to Wonwoo. "I'm not fast," she silently stated, looking up at him, only for the guy next to her to hear. A deep chuckle left his lips as his hand kept on drawing circles on her back, "It's okay. Vernon isn't either."

The mentioned member turned around to look at the girl and shrugged, "Yeah, probably," seemingly unfazed by it, making her laugh.

The next step was to choose a name for the team. Forming somewhat of a circle, they put their heads together, trying to come up with one. Seungkwan suggested one and started lifting up his leg slightly, "Carnival...", but stopped after receiving, "Maybe I shouldn't have chosen him," as a comment from S.Coups. He didn't shut up completely though as he presented his next idea, "Carnival, you're always in the same place," making the members quickly agree as if it was the best idea he had ever had.

In Seventeen fashion, the teams started bickering about who should go first to reveal their given name and, thankfully, Woozi resolved it by requesting another game of Rock, Paper, Scissors between each leader, which Minghao won, making the other team have to go first. Once Joshua was surrounded by his team members, they started their chant, pointing to nowhere specifically with their hands, "Carnival, You're Always In The Same Place!"

Hoshi obviously had to start another round of provocation as he approached the team, "Oh, I can't hear you? What do they say?" Letting Seungkwan show the same side of him, "What are you saying?! How much louder do I have to speak?" When they unexpectedly bumped their chest softly, making the MCs chuckle as they were standing right next to them.

"If you can't hear us, clean your ears!" Wonwoo shouted at them, Joshua joining him.

The bickering went on as Hoshi and Seungkwan approached each other again, provoking the other by saying random things and pulling faces.

"Okay. All good, but don't fight here," Seungcheol tried calming them down, letting the group continue with their content.

"Let us tell you our name," DK spoke up before their leader started counting, "Five, six, seven," and they started imitating Hoshi's "Jihoonaa" chant from before, copying his leg and arm-work as well. Dino and Vernon started booing loudly when Joshua spoke up, "We should have called our team Minnie-ah," but the girl was quick to answer, "No, you shouldn't," making her team chuckle, "That is embarrassing."

After mocking their chant, the second round of Hoshi and Seungkwan's fight started, not letting the MCs continue.

"Okay, okay, okay," Minnie got in between them, extending her arms to either side, trying to get them to walk back to their teams, which they thankfully did.

"We're going to compete with these two teams," Woozi explained, "We'll change into our team clothes and come back."

They were just about to leave when the tiger of the group had another great idea, "Should we jump?"

"A jump?" some members wondered.

"Well, since we're doing an old show, let's jump," the male host decided. On top of that, the other MC got an idea, "We'll say, 'Let's Go!' And then 'Seventeen' altogether, and then jump!" and imitated said action and her members agreed. All of them got ready, and once the last word was shouted into the gym hall, all of them jumped.

In the next scene, they were all wearing their team's designated colour, Joshua's in purple and Minghao's in light blue. Dino was about to start a skit, asking how they got changed, but Seungkwan was quick to shut him up, to which the other members reminded them of being on the same team meant no fighting with each other.

When Woozi went to question the oldest '98 Liner on his choice of hat he was wearing, he didn't let the opportunity pass to start another round of picking a fight with Hoshi, which Minnie was quick to stop by starting her job as an MC again,

"Okay! The first competition is individual." To which Seungkwan looked at her impressed and quietly said, "Now, she's suddenly doing a good job," but the camera and microphone he was wearing caught him.

[Learned from the best]

"So, choose two people from each team. They're going to race through this, one person at a time. And they will compete for the best record," she finished and joined her team again, placing herself next to Seungkwan.

"Shua," S.Coups suggested right away, "I want to compete when I can annoy the other team."

"But then you can annoy them right from the start," Minnie proposed, making him question whether or not he should start off the competition.

"But," Seungkwan started, "we can all agree that Minnie isn't running, right?" Making all of the other members nod in agreement without hesitation and her chuckle, "Thanks, guys."

After more contemplating, they finally decided on two final contestants for the first round, so the two MCs went back to their place in front of the camera.

"Okay, seems like we're all done, let's start with 'Like The Carnival, You're Always In The Same Place'," she spoke, not waiting for anyone else to say something, but the others agreed.

Dino was chosen to announce the members, "From our team! S.Coups and Wonwoo!"

"Ah, you chose the fast people," Woozi commented.

"Well, obviously," Minnie simply stated before her co-host continued, "Then, Team Jihoonah's participants," he pointed to his team as they exclaimed in unison, "The 8 and Mingyu!"

The two MCs finished introducing the contestants and showed the others the second floor on which the ones, not competing, would be waiting and cheering on the ones racing through the obstacle course.

The teams split up and left the two chosen participants on the ground floor as they made their way up the stairs. Minnie jogged over to where the directors had told her to wait, which was at the end of the obstacle course, while Woozi stayed at the beginning of it, both of them ready for interviews with each contestant.

"A few words before you start," Jihoon demanded from them, getting replies from Mingyu, Minghao, S.Coups, and Wonwoo:

"I'll do my best,"

"I'll leave it to destiny,"

"10 seconds faster than the first place," and

"It's not to beat others. I will consider it as a competition with myself, and I'll run as fast as I can."

Once the purple team started cheering their members on, Minnie joined them from her position on the ground floor,

"Wonwoo! Coups! Wonwoo! Coups!"

As the '96 Liner got ready at the start line, pushing up the sleeves of his sweater and fixing his glasses, Woozi explained the rules one more time.

"Those up on the second floor, are you ready?" he asked, getting loud chants of "Yes!" and "Woooo"s in return.

"Is there a button or something at the end?" Mingyu wondered, but as he was too far away, Minnie didn't catch his question, so the male MC repeated it, talking into the microphone, which caught the girl's attention. She jogged over to the end and reached for the blue flag before raising it up in the air, "There's a flag you have to grab!" This time, she used the mic without having to get reminded of it, "The time stops once you have it in your hands. If you finish the course but forget to grab it, the time will time continue running, so be careful!"

[Intern promoted to Pro MC]

"Wow, Minnie's getting really well at MCing," Seungkwan complimented her.

[Someone's getting jealous]

The girl looked ahead to the start once she heard Woozi's voice saying, "Ready..." and she fixated her eyes on Wonwoo, "Get set. Go!"

Her gaze followed his moving body, all across the course as the cheering from her team became louder and louder, some of them surprised at how fast he was. He reached the finish line quicker than expected and forward, catching the flag on the way.

Along with her team, she started clapping and approached him with the microphone in her hands. One look at the board told her his time, "Wonwoo's record is 46.02 seconds," she let everyone know, letting the claps and cheers become loud again.

"Woow," she started her interview, "Fast from the beginning, how do you feel now?" and placed the mic to his mouth for him to answer,

"This is much more tiring than I thought," he sounded exhausted but still steady with his voice.

"Oh, okay, okay. Thank you for your words," she placed a hand on his back, guiding him, "You can go upstairs and rest now."

While the other host continued running the show, Minnie put her microphone down, "Is it really that hard?"

Wonwoo nodded, breathing heavily, "I didn't think it would be like that. I don't know if you can do it."

"Wow, thanks," she chuckled saltily, pushing him to go forward, making him chuckle, "Stop, I'm just saying," holding onto her arm, "If I'm already tired, you really think you're gonna do better?"

"Maybe," she crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows.

"Alright, we'll see," he smiled lovingly, patted her arm and made his way back to the start after handing her the flag. She placed it back to where it was supposed to be right as the next member, Minghao, started running.

He practically flew across the first obstacles and lost his shoes somewhere in the middle of the course, but it didn't hold him back from being the fastest to reach the end.

"Ooooh," Minnie began, "that was quick," she approached him as he got off the inflatable, "Are you tired?" And extended her arm with the microphone. She waited for an answer, looking at him closely, as he breathed heavily. "Yes," he managed to get out before the girl sent him off again, "You look tired, go and rest," she chuckled, "And don't forget your shoes, Cinderella." Making the members laugh at the given nickname.

Looking up at the board, everyone waited for his time to be announced.

"Wow, 36.05 seconds!" She exclaimed, "Wonwoo was already fast, but Minghao topped that and is now number one!" One quick look to the start line made her giggle, "Let's see if S.Coups can be even faster! I doubt it, but we'll see..."

"Hey!" He shouted, "We're on the same team, you should cheer me on!" But Minnie couldn't hear him as he was too far away, looking at him with scrunched eyebrows.

"He said you're on the same team, so you should cheer on him," Woozi repeated.

"Aah," she nodded, "I will, I promise. I believe in you... kinda," she raised a fist in the air and whispered the last word so that only the camera could catch it. The sudden voice of Dino singing the leader's part of 'Back It Up' through the speakers made her laugh and look at him with wide eyes.

And after a brief description, given by Woozi, the oldest of them was finally able to start his take on the course. The shouts and grunts from the members on the second floor made her step back to take a look at where Seungcheol was. Once she came to sight with his struggle, she started chuckling and cheering, "Let's go, old man!!" But it didn't seem to help much. As he was near the end, Coups decided to take a short rest on one of the obstacles, "Hey!" the girl shouted at him, "Don't lay down now! Come on!"

Minnie climbed on top of the course, standing right at the end and started slapping her thighs like you'd normally do when trying to get a kid or an animal to come closer, "Come on! You can do it!"

As soon as he held onto the flag, she got closer to him, who was now laying on his back, towering over him, while speaking into the mic, "I told you you might be too old." Which earned her a soft punch on her leg as he was too tired to put more energy into it.

Like the producers had told her before the start of the shoot, she got back down and stood on the floor, in front of the inflatable course, waiting for her leader to join her, "Come here, you need to give an interview," she waved her arms to motion at him to come closer.

"Please explain just how tired you are now," she demanded before handing him over the microphone.

"I'd rather go work out for two hours instead," and passed it back to the girl, who had a shocked expression on her face,

"Oh okay, it must be really tiring then," she continued as she got his results, "One minute and eleven seconds... I told you, age matters."

"Minnie, if you don't shut up," he threatened her jokingly as he passed her, still trying to catch his breath, making her smile sheepishly, "But you still did well, don't worry. Let's see how Mingyu will do." Were her last encouraging words before the attention was back to the start, where her fellow '97 Liner was tying his shoelaces.

Minnie heard the words "Kim Terminator" coming from Woozi, making her laugh out loud, "Kim Terminator?" and look at the member getting ready as he posed for the cameras.

He started after getting the okay from the male MC and sprinted across the obstacle course with a good start.

The girl laughed once he got close to the end but fell face forward and didn't move for a second but decided to just hang there for a bit.

"Oooh, let's goo!" She exclaimed once he reached for the flag and was laid down, similar to the contestant from before.

"So, how does the Kim Terminator feel now?" She teased him, approaching him, sitting down next to his lying body, and placing the mic in front of his mouth. As an answer, he just gave a deep breath, and Minnie thanked him with a nod, "Great, alright. So, those were his words, thank you for that." Making the others chuckle,

"You're such a great MC, Minnie! Keeping it short and simple!" DK complimented her loud enough for her to hear. She turned to look at him and gave him a thumbs up with a big smile, "Thank youuu!"

Her team leader chuckled, "Cute."

"And the Kim Terminator's record iiiisss...," she extended the tension, "54 seconds! Placing him third!"

The female host repeated all four scores one more time and finished the first round officially, "So, Team Jihoonah has 4 points, and Team Like The Carnival," she shorted the name, "get 2 points!" Sounding way too excited even though her group was losing for now.

The two MCs got back to stand next to each other in the middle of the big gym as Woozi asked each team to send out two contestants that would now run against one member of the other team. The decisions fell quickly, and soon they came to sight with Hoshi and Seungkwan, that would firstly run against each other side by side, walking down the stairs.

Both seemed to be ready for the next round.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

Taglist: @naghahabol @myballzinyojawz @chaebb @keehoilys

[lustbile]

The Journal

TenxReader

Word Count: 7.3k+

Summary/Warnings: Smut with plot, semi public, a lot of biting, mentions of supernatural and just general weirdness, and small amount of blood play

Apart of the Club X series: Masterlist (can be read alone or within the series, but unlike others it might just be the slightest amount confusing)

“So that’s what you’re into now,” your best friend’s voice is bored and distant, her task of wiping down the bar that stretched out in front of her taking a majority of her attention away from the babbling you’ve tried to subject her to since you entered the empty restaurant only about 20 minutes before, “weird demon sex clubs?”

—

—

“Ah ah, I never said they were demons,” you correct quickly, the thought of defending yourself never crossing your mind as you petulantly slap your hands against the polished wood, “I just said it was…. weird.”

“Weird is an understatement,” she scoffs quietly as she turns to dip her dirtied rag back into the bleach water and ring it out, “I mean look, I’ve always been supportive in the witchy stuff you’ve been into but this…. is a bit much.”

“I don’t see how this is any different than any other thing I’ve read into.”

“Oh you don’t see?” you finally manage to pull her attention towards you as she harshly slaps the rag back onto the wood with a stern glare pulled on her pretty features, “you’re talking about vulnerability and abandoned warehouses and public sex. That last one is definitely new.”

You fully expected this type of response, only hoping she’d be busy enough that you would dodge the motherly scolding she liked to give you when you pitched your schemes to her with your eyes wild and wide, but nevertheless, she was completely right.

It came from an old book, tattered and torn from being flipped through one too many times, that you found at your favorite antique store. The store itself was already notorious with your tight inner circle of friends as the creepy shop that was corrupting your brain, a constant taunt being that the little old woman that ran it was the actual devil and she was just waiting for the right time to jump you and eat you whole, but this did nothing to stop you from visiting at least once a week.

But the book, it was different from any other you had found. It was completely handwritten, including amazingly done sketches in a deep unfading ink, and spoke of outlandish things.

Some were easily brushed off, like a murder that happened in the 50’s that was known to stay in the mouths of the older folks, both to them and the book it was widely believed to be the doing of some long tongued and wild eyed creature, until a local sweet old man admitted on his deathbed that it was instead his one crime of passion.

He had been a young soldier that snuck into his lover’s room one night, and upon learning that she was to marry a nice lawyer the day after he was meant to deploy, his mind went blank and his hands were carving out her heart. He luckily escaped any questioning after being shipped off, and once he returned home he captured the heart of a pretty young girl and lived out a long life sitting on top of a horrid truth.

So yeah, stories of those sorts, having been solved in your lifetime, meant very little to you, but the one you were going on about now, meant the world.

The writing looked like it had been put down by a panicked chicken rather than the woman who’s name was written neatly in the front. It lived in some of the pages towards the back of the small book and spoke of a dark club. Club X.

She went on and on about stumbling across the club purely by accident, and meeting another woman with glittering eyes. Graphic details of being taken in the middle of the dance floor with a million eyes looking but not fully seeing her as she fell apart against a dancing and eager tongue made your heart thump lodged in your throat. But the more and more she visited the club, the more incoherent her words became, but towards the end the writing had become stained and obscured by a deep brown stain, before it stopped altogether.

Thankfully, the details of where the building was was completely visible regardless of being the thoughts of a mad woman, and with a lot of thinking and staring at the town map, you’ve come to believe that you knew exactly where the mysterious club stood.

Only a street down from the restaurant you sit in now.

“Listen, I know it sounds ridiculous, and it probably is, but what’s the problem with just going to check right?” you scramble to pull the delicate book from the bag that sits in the stool beside you as your friend moves closer and closer to where you sit, laying it flat to show her the page you’ve had bookmarked since you read it, “and look at the name she puts, I think it’s the man who ran it and it’s a long shot, but maybe he’s still alive, or if not maybe some family is! Right here, Asm-“

“Don’t say it again,” she’s quick to interrupt, sliding her free hand to hover above the page you’ve glued your eyes to, “I don’t wanna hear any old man names, especially that one it gives me the ick.”

“It’s just a name,” murmur to yourself, but move to put the book away regardless, “but anyways, I have something that most people who were going to the club didn’t, knowledge of what exactly I’m walking into. I can just go and look around, worst things worst its still a freaky sex club and I just go home, but I’m willing to bet this lady was just off the shits and its just an empty building with some funky vintage beer bottles that you can add to your collection.”

You feel like you’ve won an award you weren’t even trying to compete for when she finally breaks out into a soft smile. The huff that leaves her chest is endeared, and you swear your heart began to vibrate when she reached to run a gentle thumb across the swell from your cheekbone.

“Fine, do what you want, but if the bottle isn’t completely intact when you find it I don’t want it.”

“So you’re not coming with me?” your head tilts to the side in confusion as with things of this nature in the past, she’s always followed along to ensure that you didn’t do anything to stupid. You never felt like the company was fully necessary, but it was appreciated regardless.

“Baby, as much as I’ve enjoyed your info dumping you’ve done tonight, the other person that was meant to clean with me had to leave early with a stomach bug so I’m busy pulling a clean up job that’s truly a job for about five people. But you seem to really believe in this little adventure of yours,” she leaves the rag in a damp mass next to the stack of dirty glasses beside you to take your hands in her’s, her slightly wrinkled fingers are still warm and the way they lace with yours makes you feel like nothing in the world could hurt you, “besides, you’re as smart as a whip and I know you have me on speed dial. I trust you.”

——

You no longer love the feeling of being trusted.

When your friend had given you the heartfelt speech only a little over half an hour ago, you felt like you had been put on a nice pedestal before she handed you a cookie with a pat on the head.

Now the “cookie” had turned to rot in your belly and you were faced with your own perfectly dreamed up reality.

It was already late by the time you had walked into the restaurant your friend works at, the sun already setting and the last few customers gathering their things and paying the bills, so once you got her stamp of approval and we’re heading out the door, the only light left was a bright and full moon, and flickering street lights.

You took your time walking in the direction that your book and personal sleuthing had pointed you in, the closer and closer you got to the one warehouse in town that seemed to never be bought back from the city, the knots in your belly pulled tighter and tighter.

But regardless of the almost painful twist in your gut, you surprisingly almost missed the building in its entirety.

It was as if your entire being blocked out the thumping bass that shook the sidewalk and the blinding red light that spilled from beneath the entrance and out the fractured windows. Your brain trying to force itself from entering the building you spent so many weeks trying to locate.

But the way your heart thuds in your chest when you stand in front of the entrance is something you couldn't even pretend you didn’t feel.

Your tongue digs into the side of your jaw, and you're confused at the feeling of warm tears burning at your waterlines. It’s exactly the way the owner of the journal described it in her manic writings, weirdly exact considering the other stories that surrounded it that dated it back far before you were even born.

You want to go in, the shaking steps your legs take is evident to that, but the tense muscles of your shoulders and stomach makes you hesitate and even grumble out into the air.

You almost jump out of your skin when you hear a shuffling to your side, your throat tensing when you look over, and are put slightly at ease when you see two men who you assume are acting as some type of security. You almost expect them to look up and ask you for some type of ID when you’re being very weird and blatant about your presence, but they seem too preoccupied with the dim screens of their phones and the way they lean forward at different times as if they’re waiting for someone.

Your hands are shaking slightly as they scramble down to grab for your bag, desperately looking for something to occupy you to walk by them without being even more weird, and when your fingers wrap around the flaking leather that binds the book, you grab it like a lifeline.

Your fingers flip through the pages with perfect muscle memory as you trip up the few steps that lead to the door, the tabs you carefully placed on the first page mentioning the club not even necessary with the way you could find the page even in your sleep.

You subconsciously hold your breath when you walk past the two men, almost as if the book is instead something wildly illegal and you're trying to sneak past your parents, and your washed with a temporary wave of relief when you pass through the doors without even a glance from the two.

Though the relief is stolen from your bones the second your feet touch the floor of the club.

It’s as if you’ve entered a place you’ve known your whole life, and from the amazing descriptions from the woman in the past, its not a completely surprising feeling.

But another part of you feels like this is the first time you’ve seen human beings in the flesh.

You can't help but to feel like you must look like an absolute nerd as you pull the book up to your face as you start to survey the club, but thankfully the book told at least one truth, and many of the club goers are too busy grouping and grinding against one another to even acknowledge your existence.

More truths come to light as you flick your eyes between the pages and the walls.

The bar is still tucked in the same far corner as she described, the flittering red and blue lights making it feel like a beacon of calm regardless of it being surrounded by drunken forms and its intimidatingly pretty bartender.

The dj is just a stoic and unimpressed looking as the one from so many years ago as he subconsciously bobs to the beat that he creates as he messes with the nobs and switches in front of him. He’s actually so similar, you wonder if you were right and the owner did have family floating around, and maybe the dj is one of them.

You stumble further into the room as you pick out small details she wrote about so lovingly. Your legs carry you to the back of the building as you smile at the sight of the wine stain the writer claimed to have created when her lover shocked her with a playful bite to the neck.

You almost feel like the universe is gifting you everything you could have possibly asked for when you see the loose board that she said a friend of hers would always trip over, and electricity zips up your spine in excitement when you spots the large painting that still hangs over the booth she claimed as her favorite, and she meticulously sketched out next to a paragraph about what she thought the artist was feeling.

All these things though, lead to the things that make your jaw hang slightly open.

The large balcony above you is larger than you ever imagined. The hundreds of bright red carnations she loved to sketch drip from the golden bars like water, and the black velvet curtains that hang over the room it leads to look heavy enough that they suffocate someone if they fell.

She seemed so intensely in love with the place you stand in, and the woman she met there, and those emotions were more than evident from the way the recreated the energy of the club with her words and art. Which only tips you towards the part that caught your attention perhaps the most.

It was exactly where it was meant to be. Just below the balcony that hangs high on the wall, gaping wide and dark like the mouth of a hungry monster coaxing you to enter its throat. The only issue that you can see being the hanging rope that blocks you from entering, but with only shining bright clasps holding it onto hooks on the walls, you don’t think you're above sneaking past it with little guilt.

The hall was the one thing that taunted you the most about the story the woman spun in the little worn book. The empty and dark vass space being something that coaxed her as well, but unfortunately for you, and maybe her as well, the parts of her journal that began the tale of her passing the temping rope, was the exact spot that was stained with bleeding ink and a suspicious brown color.

You survey the space around you, looking for anyone that could possibly be a worker or just a stickler for the rules, but seeing as everyone in your range of vision was attached by the mouth on someone’s neck or sloppy lips, you figured you were in the clear.

You drop the book gently back into your bag before you step slowly forward. Your heart feels like a wild animal trying to break out of the cavity of your chest, and it feels like your intestines have been successfully replaced with writhing worms that are desperately trying to reach your gut. You feel heat traveling up your chest and neck, and as you get within a few feet of what feels like the end of your life, your body begins to shake.

If you had the ability, you would have screamed, and if you had the strength, you would have fought back. But right when you're about to reach the threshold of the hall, and right when you feel like your legs are about to collapse from underneath you, strong fingers clasp over your trembling mouth, and an arm wraps tightly around your waist.

You’re turned faster than you can blink, the sudden motion making your brain swirl in your skull and making you go lightheaded and dizzy. And while keeping their hand clasped tightly over your mouth, the person that cages you in slams your back into the cold wall and knocks the air from your lungs.

The eyes that meet you are cat-like and dancing wildly, the grin the man you're faced with now smiles at you wickedly, and when your hands dart up until your nails dig harshly into the skin of his forearms, his smile only widens.

“Now,” he starts, the remains of a chuckle shaking his chest and his words slightly, “what exactly are you up to?”

You wait for a moment for him to release you from his hold, and when after a minute or so he still hasn’t budged, all you can offer in response is an annoyed arched brow.

“What?” he has the audacity to ask with taunting sincerity, “you thought you were smart enough to go wandering around, so you should be smart enough to figure out a way to talk around my hand right?”

It’s with immense irritation that you realize the two possibilities you’re faced with.

From the book you know about the weird concept of soul mates or whatever they were meant to be. The woman and the mysterious dancing girl she met so many years ago, and similar stories from the friends she met during her many visits to the club who had almost identical tales that she had to recount.

So with that information you know the possibility of this grinning man being your person is high, but your person or not, he was lighting a fire in your chest regardless.

You don’t think or even weigh the negatives before you send him a hard glare, and you show very little hesitation when you push forward to sink your teeth into the first finger you can catch.

His yelp is covered by the blaring music, but you hear it loud and clear before he reaches his free hand up to pinch at the bridge of your nose to pull you off like a rabid kitten.

“You know what I’m up to,” you huff petulantly as you lean back into the wall with your arms folding over your chest, “or at least I’d assume you’d be smart enough to use your context clues right?”

His lip curls when he glances back up to you as he pets at his now bruising finger, but even with the thin veil of irritation on his pretty features, you can tell he enjoys the sarcastic tone you’ve adopted.

“Yeah you’re sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong,” he bites back as he steps closer, crowding your personal space and pushing his chest tightly against yours, “you’re lucky I’m who caught you and not boss man.”

“Boss man?” you ask, trying not to show you excitement over him spilling the treasured information about the club that you want so desperately.

He doesn’t answer you verbally, and the sly wink he throws at you shocks you more than you would like to admit, but when he tilts his head back quickly you don’t hesitate to follow his line of sight to the edge of the balcony.

If it weren’t for the thin wires of light that create hatching over his eyes and mouth, you probably would have missed the masked figure that leers at you from over the railing. His hands and shoulders are covered by the masses of flowers, and the hollow black where he hides his eyes stares down at you two with a look that you assume is annoyance and possible curiosity.

The moment you two look up, the figure jerks back. Your eyes flick quickly between him and the man in front of you, and from the bratty grin he wears as he looks up, you feel as if the masked man didn’t have any intention at being caught.

You get lost slightly in staring at the man pressed against you, his teeth that look sharper in the red lighting and his eyes twinkle in mischief, and even with the obnoxious start to your interaction, you’d be lying to say you don’t find him beautiful.

It takes you a second to regain your senses, tearing your eyes away from the fascinating side profile of the man, but when you glance back up to the balcony, the mask man has retreated back.

“He doesn’t like much when we take people back there before they’re ready,” he attempts at an explanation as he turns back to you, and seems unfazed when he misses the mark and just confuses you further, “he let the two goons outside have a little exception, but that's because they don’t know how to go easy y‘know.”

“No,” you shake your head at him with a quiet scoff, “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think you know more than you think,” his voice drops as he speaks now, and as he speaks he reaches out his hand to hold himself propped against the wall next to your head while his other hand moves to run gently up the side of your neck, “I mean, you know who I am at least right?”

“I have an idea,” you admit with a huff, but you also admit to yourself that this probably means you won't be getting into the hall. You do mentally jot that down as a loss, but decide to take the man pressed against you as a win and you reach to grab at his shirt in retaliation, “but you could at least give me a name to work with.”

“Hm, I didn’t expect you to be one for such formalities,” his head tilts in amusement at his own words, and the action nudges the tip of his nose into yours and makes your heart flutter up into your throat, “but you might as well know the name of the man you’ll be destined to fall in love with.”

You roll your eyes hard enough for them to start to ache, and he quietly laughs and moves to press his nose into the soft flesh of your cheek as he feeds off your annoyance.

“Ten,” he answers quietly, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he moves to whisper the syllable in your ear, and you never thought that with just one word he’d have a shiver rushing up your spine.

You respond quietly with your name, but the word comes out strained and rushed when he begins to nibble on the lobe of your ear and pushes his knee harshly between your thighs.

Both your hands now hold tightly onto the sides of his shirt, and when his lips move to trail against the side of your neck that isn't enveloped by his hand, you tug roughly at the fabric and your back arches slightly away from the wall.

His tongue is hot when he lays it flat on the center of your throat, and when he swipes it up until it flicks against the end of your chin, you can't help but cringe slightly at the feeling regardless of the way it makes heat pool in between your thighs.

The wicked grin on his face never falters, it only grows wider and more hungry when your eyes meet again, and with his staring so deep that you fear he may be collecting every ounce of your soul, you two have a silent agreement on the unnatural waves of electricity that connect you.

When his lips finally land on yours, it's the roughest and clumsiest kiss you’ve experienced. Both of you fight each other with hungry and eager tongues and the way your teeth gently knock together has your skull rattling in a way that, if you weren’t so hell bent of devouring each other whole, you’d probably have to take a breather.

Your hands reluctantly release the wrinkled fabric of his shirt, and in a desperate attempt to stay occupied, they shoot up the tangle tightly into his hair. You admit, you probably tug harsher on the strands than you probably should, but the groans he pours into your mouth, and the way his hips rock roughly into yours, has you tugging again and again.

He presses you further and further into the wall, and without thinking your hips begin to kick and tilt down until you're grinding harshly and sloppily against his tense thigh.

You let out a quiet whine that's muffled and garbled by his moving at the feeling of him pressing his thumb gently into the dip beneath your jaw, and pressing into your jugular. The sound is followed almost immediately by a small yelp when he latches his teeth to your bottom lip and gives you a stinging bite.

You’re frustrated almost immediately with the lack of friction you can feel from the layers of clothing between you, and now the slight shooting pain from the tensing skin between his teeth, you can feel the impatience in your belly crawling up and invading your chest and throat.

He’s quick to pull away when you retaliate with your own nipping bite to his top lip, your teeth still sinking down when he does and making his sting probably just as much as yours. And when he eyes you as his eyelids droop down into an accusatory squint, you assume he’s not used to getting a taste of his own medicine.

He mutters something to himself about your feistiness, and a sly comment about how he shouldn’t be surprised as he was expecting to get a handful, but he gives you no time to make a snide comment or even question about any of the words, before his fingers are closing firmly but loosely around your neck.

He keeps you rooted in the spot that you stand, the only change in your posture he allows is pulling you slightly away from the wall, just wide enough for him to slink behind you and tug you roughly back into his chest.

“You like poking around into business that isn’t yours?” he asks rhetorically as his free hand reaches around your shoulder to push past the neckline of your shirt, and right as he pressed down the center of your chest and his fingers brush the bottom of your rib cage, his fingers curl and he starts to drag his blunt nails up your sternum as he continues, “need to know and see every single little thing right? So… what’s the harm of being on the other side of it for once?”

“What are you on about?” you as sharply as you try to turn your face towards him the best you can, but his hand tilts under the bottom of your chin until your head is forced to lean on his shoulder and he’s nothing but thrilled at the way it makes you struggle.

“To be seen, or not?” he presses his lips back against the shell of your ear, and the way he whispers roughly makes you shiver again as your thighs press tightly together, “you know what I mean, and you know the answer I want, but its all up to you in the end.”

The electric and slightly humiliating buzz of being seen in a mass of bodies committing the same sins as you was something the woman in the book went on about frequently. She mentioned that there were a few times where she and her lover snuck off to get alone time of course, but the almost blinding pleasure that came from being worshiped by not only one person, but the eyes of an entire room, was addictive. And you wanted just a taste.

You grumble in response, the idea of admitting to the already confident man that you did indeed wanted the same amount of attention as he did made your chest burn even more than it already was, and you’d rather take your chance with his terrifying looking boss than to give him the satisfaction of your verbal confession.

He seems unaffected by your nonverbal confirmation, the way you press into him as his hand wraps around your waist again and creeps down to the button of your shorts, and your own hand grabbing onto the sleeve of his rolled up long sleeve shirt to guide him to undo the clasp or just dip below the waistband, is enough of an answer for him to know.

He chooses to pop the button, and once he has the zipper pulled down enough that he can work with, he begins to shove the worn denim down your hips along with your underwear until they are wrapped around your knees and he can push his fingers roughly between your thighs.

You try to clear the fog that he creates in your mind from his teasing fingers long enough to reach your free hand back to give the same treatment to the dark jeans that wrap tightly around his hips and thighs in a way that had you mentally drooling from the moment you got to get a full look at him, after he ambushed you of course.

You’re not sure how he undid your shorts so quickly without being able to see, but as you fumble and scratch your nails against the sensitive skin of his hip, you give yourself the benefit of the doubt seeing as your trying to work while his middle and ring fingers tease over your entrance and the heel of his hand presses clumsily into your neglected clit.

He, on the other hand, doesn’t give you any benefit of the doubt. He at least has the decency to press his lips across your cheekbone and temple to muffle his quiet laughs, but to make your task even more difficult, his fingers shallowly curl up into you just enough to make you twist and curl.

Once the button of his jeans finally releases, you instinctively let out a huff and sink your shoulders back into his chest as you reach past the fabric to wrap your hand around his stiff length and pull it from the confines until you can press it against his lower belly. And you get just one tally on your side of the boards you’ve created in your mind when his amused laughs devolves into pleased grunts and tilting hips.

“Please,” you start quietly, trying to rock more against the parts of his hand that press against you while running your palm up and down the length of him and smearing him with his own pre come, “I can tell you’re just as impatient as me.”

He swears in your ear, using his hold on you with both hands to shift your hips up and pull you closer before he clears his throat to speak, “well could you imagine, looks like we are a match made in heaven.”

“More like hell,” you retaliate, digging the heel of your own palm into the skin just below the tip of him to egg him on even further, “but either way, that's the point isn't it?”

“I should have expected you to be just a little bit of a smart ass,” he mutters a half hearted complaint, but he only contradicts his own words when he pushes your hips away enough for you to guide him between your thighs and to glide against the arousal that spilled from your body and his hands spread messy along any available inch of skin.

He thrusts smoothly against your back a few times, bringing his arm down to guide him towards your entrance painfully slow, but when you let out a gravely moan of his name, he cant deny himself for any longer, and he’s sinking into you until your eyes start to gently flutter.

Once he’s seated inside you, his hand tenses slightly tighter around your neck, and when you both start pushing towards each other to meet in the middle of your thrusts, his other hand takes the opportunity to map any inch of you he can reach.

He gropes almost painfully at your chest, traveling over your stomach and up your shirt to dig his fingers into your skin until you swear he’s tattooed his finger prints onto you, all while nipping and lapping at the skin of your jaw and neck.

No one immediately in front of you is watching, they’re all in their own worlds of flesh and saliva, but you can still feel eyes of someone on you. His first and foremost as they burn holes into the side of your skull and glance to watch where you push back against him desperately, but there’s another feeling you get of being seen and studied thats so intense that you’re a little shocked when you chance a glance up and see that whoever the masked person was from earlier wasn’t there at all.

So no, you have no idea who, or what is watching you right now, but you can feel the unusual heat it stirs in you as your body flutters around him as he fucks you sloppily. You feel a deeper relation to the woman that owned the book that still rests in the bag that feel unceremoniously from your shoulder when he first put his hands on you, and you hope that maybe you’ll eventually slip into the life of bliss that she meticulously wrote about and possibly learn what happened that demolished the stories that lived in the back of the journal.

You could feel the pleasure crawling up your spine like a monster out creature, your panting breaths tipping the man that works you over off to this even though you’re sure he was already aware before you were, and you think your legs are back to the edge of collapsing when his creeping fingers dance along the expanse of your stomach to find their place back between your thighs.

Your back stiffens at the first touch of his rolling finger on your clit, and your head tilts even farther back onto his shoulder than he already had it. He doesn’t seem interested in coaxing you to your finish slowly, at a pace that would have mercy on your melting mind and shaking form, but he instead abuses your clit until your whimpering out and stumbling and stepping slightly on his toes.

You feel like you’re waiting out the suspense of a horror film that’s score is too obvious to the incoming jump scare. You tilt your neck in a way that seems normal to him, but in reality your trying to feel the many rings that decorate his fingers with the delicate skin of your throat to test if any of them could possibly be sharp enough to cut you and draw blood. You know what blood means to him, and you know it's something he’ll have to do soon if he truly can feel how close you are to the edge.

You feel like you’re floundering a bit, confused from the possible deviation from the story you’ve committed to memory. Was there any chance in this world that this wasn’t your person?

You push this thought away as soon as your panicked mind can construct it though, because there’s no way the spell that it feels has been placed on you would be there if that was the truth, and your body is heated almost like a furnace, but you suddenly love the idea of being burned by him.

You pull in a gasping breath of air that pierces through the music and grunting that rattles in your ears, the taste of your orgasms dancing on the back of your tongue and your back arching so harshly you fear that one of your muscles might seize up and cramp. And right when you feel his hips start to stutter in tandem with yours, and when you’re only seconds from blabbering out mixed syllables that you could only hope would come out as a coherent question, you feel it.

His teeth latch onto you again, his canines not sharp enough to make a clean cut as they dig into the muscle of your shoulder, but his determination is strong enough.

It burns painfully, and makes hot tears well up in your eyes, but almost embarrassingly, is the exact thing that pushes you scrambling over the edge.

You feel like it hurts to breathe, your lungs so focused on letting out puffs of air and broken moans that they can't seem to remember how to bring oxygen in, and your eyes roll for a completely new reason for the man and much more painfully.

It’s when you feel him start to suck the rushing blood from your newly christened wound that you also feel the rumble of his groans against your skin and feel him start to come inside of you. His fist tightens again around your neck as he pushes aftershocks through your nerves with his own orgasm, and with flying hands you grab at both of his wrists, not to ask in any way for him to ease up, but from a sudden wash and need to hold onto him possibly until you die.

He lets you collapse to the floor once he pulls out, but he follows your sinking form and sits alongside you and partially underneath you as you both try to catch your breath.

The club scene in front of you is now blurs of flashing lights and abstract writhing forms, and if it wasn’t for the zaps of energy you feel from every brush of his finger tips, your brain would probably be too muddled to register him fixing both your clothes and his.

You become just slightly more aware when he shifts your body against him enough to grab at the strap of your bag with the heel of his shoe, and you try to sit up faster than necessary and give yourself a small head rush when he pulls it to himself and flips it open.

“You seemed a little weirdly unaffected by the whole,” he flails his hands in front of you for a second as he speaks, and your lagging mind takes a second to catch up with his attempts at implication, “not the fucking part clearly,” he teases, “but the leading up to it. The meeting part and all.”

“I know what this place is,” you admit, and if your legs had gained just a bit more strength you probably would have stood and requested a glass of water just from how gravely your voice had become, “I knew I was probably going to run into you.”

“But you weren’t looking for me,” he tries, and fails, at hiding the slight edge of offense his voice shows, “if you knew I was here why didn’t you look for me?”

“I didn’t worry about it,” you say, warming up a bit again in the fear that it may have come off slightly rude, “or, like, I mean I knew you’d be able to find me easier than I could find you. I was more interested in finding answers.”

“Answers to what? You said you knew this place, or at least what it is?”

“Well I only know the basics,” you shift in his hold, knocking his hands away as they sift through your bag, and grabbing blindly until you can pull out the book, “I found this journal and it-“

“A journal?” he asks in a volume that could have been obnoxiously loud if it weren’t for the thumping bass that shook the floor beneath you, and pulls the small book from your hands.

“It was written by a woman who came here a long time ago,” you explain, deciding to not take offense to his rough and grabbing hands, “I found it and tracked the club down, I needed to see if it was real.”

“Oh it's real alright,” he laughs as he starts to flip through the pages, stopping for a moment to smile at a simple sketch she had done of a cat that she said lived in the back alley, “hey wait I think I know this name, and these people.”

“What are you on about?” you ask with a scoff as you tug the book from his grubby fingers, “you can’t possibly know these people, this was written in like the fifties. Stop pulling my leg.”

“Oh I see,” he smacks your thigh playfully as he leans over your shoulder to glance at the first page that mentioned anything about the date, the ink clear enough to read 1953 in the swirling handwriting, “you think you know everything.”

“I do know everything, fuck you,” you glare playfully at him over your shoulder, “or I would know, if you’d let me go into that weirdo hall.”

“No hall, for now at least,” he sighs, the gears in his head turning as he thinks of the next thing to say, “but you know, time doesn’t exist the same way here, the woman who wrote this probably didn’t know that at the time, so I’m not surprised you don’t either.”

“What do you mean time doesn’t exist?” you look at him as if he’s grown a second head, but do you really have the nerve to question him like that? Considering that entire concept of the club you are very aware of its existence now, a time situation shouldn’t be the most shocking should it?

“Well, it's hard to explai-“

“Then don’t explain it,” you almost jump fully out of his lap at the deep voice that rattles above you, and both him and you look up at the figure that looms over you now.

The man is tall, his black hoodie looking weird in contrast to the clothes of the other club goers, and with a squinting observation and a familiar and annoyed sigh from the man seated behind you, you realize you’re being stared down by the mysterious entity that is the DJ, his hands shoved deep into his hoodie pocket in annoyance.

“Huh?” Ten lets out more in the form of a noise than a word, as his arms wind tightly around your form.

“I said don’t explain shit,” the man begins to tap his foot in irritation as he speaks, and you wonder if he’s aware that he’s in rhythm with the song that surrounds you, “you need to chill out with the loose tongue, its bad enough we have the big mouths outside.”

“I wasn’t gonna go that far,” Ten sounds reminiscent of a scolded toddler, and considering the man is hindering you from getting information that you wanted so badly, you can feel yourself mirroring the pout he wears, “I know what I’m doing alright man? Why are you over here anyways, shouldn’t you be at your little booth minding your business.”

“No one minds their business over at that booth, and you should know that better than anyone pervert,” the words are sharp, but the curl to his lips and the underlying playfulness to his tone tells you the likeliness of them being friends is high, “anyways, I know we don’t follow any regulations or anything here, but I’m still gonna take a fuckin’ break or two.”

“Well breaks over,” Ten reaches out a hand to playfully swat the man away, “I didn’t wait this long for you to just interrupt my bonding time with my person alright?”

“Alright, alright,” he finally starts to shuffle away, throwing one last comment about Ten being bitter his person showed up first over his shoulder with a grin.

“What a loser,” Ten starts, looking at you playfully and rolling his eyes, “too bad he’s like my best friend or whatever.”

“You seem to have a lot of fun around here don’t you?” you take a shot at voicing your observations, your heart fluttering in a completely new way at the warm smile he shoots you.

“Just wait a see, my love. Just wait and see.”

[pyjamaenzel]

I hope this might be helpful, as someone who feels like they only just recently began to understand aromanticism. I'm in my 30s and ID'd as asexual since I was in high school. I honestly don't remember where I learned the term, I just know I was adamant it described me. i just wasn't experiencing what my peers were with the hormones and celebrity crushes and everything. You asked me if I thought someone was hot and my response was "how am I supposed to know??" I was keenly aware there was something different about me.

At the same time, I knew I wanted companionship, and was terrified I'd never have it because of all the expectations surrounding relationships, including sex. However, if you asked me what my ideal partner looked like, I don't think I could tell you. I had no idea whether I was attracted to men or women or what, because I didn't seem to be experiencing what everyone else called "attraction" at all.

When I was 18 I had my first and only crush. It was a deeply weird experience. She was someone I only knew through the internet, and quite a few years older, and had a boyfriend, so I knew from the beginning it was never going to work out. However, I still experienced that Rollercoaster romantic media describes: the giddiness, thinking about her all the time, etc, complete with "crying on prom night because she wasn't there with me". It was honestly surreal, and I do remember thinking "wait, all this isn't just made up??? this happens to people regularly??" I was young and dumb and confessed to her anyway because I thought that's what you're "supposed" to do. In hindsight I definitely made things very awkward for her and it was probably the reason we fell out of touch. Anyway. (I feel like I should also note I had never seen a photograph of her.)

A couple years later, a long time good friend of mine asked me out. (Ironically, neither of us were out as trans at the time, so for all appearances we resembled a straight couple.) I was unsure, but accepted; my reasoning was "I should probably try this dating thing out since I never have. Also I enjoy [friend]'s company and don't want to make [her] sad."

We dated for maybe 3 months. I could tell there was a gap between our feelings for each other. She loved going on dates and giving big gifts as displays of affection, and I slowly realized that the attention was way too much for me. (thankfully she never pushed me to do anything I was uncomfortable with, especially physically. ofc fast forward a decade or so and she comes out as ace too, lol.) I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but I could tell that we just weren't having similar experiences.

At the same time, every time we went out on dates I found myself thinking about another good friend of mine. "I wish I could tell them about this funny thing, I wish they were here right now, I miss them." Etc. None of the ups and downs, highs and lows of emotion of having a crush, just a very simple "I want to be in this person's presence and share my life with them."

So, I worked up the courage to break up, and told the other friend that I liked them, because that was the only frame of reference I had. (my ex and I remained good friends, which I'm grateful for.)

It worked out, I guess, because we've been together roughly 13 years now. My partner is also ace & aro. I personally don't identify as aro (yet?) because I'm still sort of feeling things out, but from what I've read and understand, I seem to be grey-aro. Both of us are uncomfortable with public displays of affection, & I've never felt the need to adhere to any romantic traditions over the course of our relationship. the only thing special about Valentines Day is the discount chocolate. We just...like being around each other, having someone to talk to that we don't need to mask for, that enjoys a lot of the same things.

Both of us are fairly introverted (my partner more than me) & we've described it as "you don't count as a person" (which I know sounds terrible lol) but what it means is "you don't drain my social battery like other people do."

We plan to get married for the legal status, though disability has complicated that. But neither of us are really interested in a ceremony.

Calling it a "romantic relationship" or a "platonic relationship" both feel sort of incorrect to me. I can't really explain why. I know labels can be pretty subjective; I thought I had a concrete understanding of what aromanticism meant, but the more I read the more it seems a lot of the things I attributed to being ace are considered distinct from it by other people, if that makes sense.

If anyone who experiences romantic attraction wants to explain how it feels to them, I'd love to hear it– especially if you are polyamorous. How do you differentiate friends from romantic partners (if you do)?

[spookymultimedia]

Understanding CATS

Angela explains to Andy why she likes CATS, a musical he doesn't understand at all

"I don't understand, what do you get from CATS? It's just a ridiculous show." Andy commented at Angela's couch, petting a kitty that sat at the arm of his seat.

"Ridiculous?" She sat at the other end of the couch brushing out the back end of a cat.

"Yes, it's ridiculous. I'm sorry but it just is. They sing at the drop of a hat with no build up, the story is completely convoluted. It's just madness. It's not like Les Misérables or Rent. Those musicals reflect humanity and suffering and sacrifice and love. CATS is just weird with a bunch of horny cats singing and dancing."

"I respectfully disagree." She muttered, but Andy heard her.

"Okay well what do you think?"

"No I'll sound stupid. You're probably right anyway. You're smart about these things."

He scooted closer, "No, your thoughts are just as important as mine. I'm sorry."

"Well, it's just cats. People like cats. Sometimes cats have different little personalities and it's just fun to meet them all I guess. Like, I'm sure you've meet a gumby cat at least once in your life."

Andy blinked at her.

"Musicals don't need to have some deep meaning to be good, you know." She sighed and stroked her cats back.

"I guess, but, what's the angelical ball stuff all about?" He cocked his head. "What's with this resurrection stuff? It just comes out of nowhere in the middle of the musical."

"They mention it in the very beginning." She glared at him.

"They were talking weird, 'couldn't understand them."

She sighed, "You know how they say that cats have nine lives?"

"I guess."

"The Angelical Ball is where Deuteronimy chooses which cay gets a chance at a new life-."

"Why does he get to choose? This all sounds like a cult."

She crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry I'll stop talking, go on." He put an arm around her delicately. She sat still against his arm. She thought about it.

"Well, these cats try to prove to him why they deserve a chance at a new life. Because they do heroic acts and believe they've earned a second life. Or because they're so old and have done good things in their lives that they might deserve it too."

Andy opened his mouth to ask why the story stops for Deuteronimy to get kidnapped but stopped himself. He just nodded,"Okay."

"All these cats gave wonderful stories, except Grizabella the glamor cat. Nobody likes her. No one wants to touch her."

"Touch?"

"Well, when cats welcome other cats. They kinda rub against each other or sniff them. They're touched. No one wants to touch her."

"Okay?"

"She's all alone. She used to be loved for her beauty and glamor but it doesn't mean anything anymore. Now she's old and ugly." She bit her lip and started to cry.

"Angela?"

"She's ostracized. She's so lonely it hurts. She's been abandoned. If someone could just touch her and see how important she is then maybe she has a chance to live again but everyone hates her because she's just an old cat who's worthless." Her voice shook. Andy's eyes grew wide. Had she felt alone too? God he sounded like a jackass didn’t he?

"I'm sorry. I sound stupid don't I?"

"No, not at all." He wiped away a tear on her face with a handkerchief he had.

"But it's just a dumb musical about weird horny cats dancing around huh?" She said bitterly.

"Well, I still don't believe it's as good as Les Mis."

She looked down. "But, maybe I misunderstood CATS. It's not traditional but it's not terrible. I mean, I have to admit the music is wonderful and I guess the world building is pretty cool."

"It's inspired by a poem you know."

"Oh. Oh! That would explain a lot." He bit his lip pensively. "Maybe I should give it another chance." Her eyes lit up.

"Really??" She smiled at him.

"Yeah, sure. Maybe I'll stop trying to criticize it and just enjoy it." She rushed to her feet, put her cassette tape of CATS and sat by Andy again. The storytelling was still odd to him but it was more enjoyable than he believed it to be. Maybe Musicals didn't need to be all smart and philosophical to be good after all.

[aikoiya]

More like I've thought all of this up to mostly be behind-the-scenes background logistical information so that if I write something later that contradicts that background stuff, I have something to look back on.

Though, I am currently in the middle of trying to flesh out the details of a fic that utilizes said information. I mean, at this point, it's mostly just a summary/prompt part 1 & 2 that's been super expanded to the point where it's no longer really identifiable AS a summary/prompt. I mean… plus a number of other things that sort of add onto the main summary/prompt. Don't worry, it's all put together on the same masterlist & all of my masterlists lead back in on each other, so if you can get to one of them, you can manage to get to the one you want. It just takes a bit of navigation, is all.

Anyway, for the moment, I really only have the story for the start of his eventual redemption arc. In my mind it would take way more than a single life for him to eventually be able to completely let go of a hatred that has been stuck to his soul like the fuggliest barnacle ever for multiple lifetimes.

My main goal in it is more so to give him something worth not giving up everything for. However, because of it, the first few parts of the story will end up only barely related to the game it’s based on. Now, there will definitely be overlap, but you don’t get to the actual game events until almost the end. And, in fact, I go very much out of my way to change as few of the in-game events as possible until halfway through the literal final boss confrontation.

Essentially, from Link’s perspective, there would literally be zero change from the actual game, but then suddenly at what most likely seemed like the absolute last minute, there’s suddenly this brand new character that may as well have come out of effing nowhere! And… I’m only just now realizing just how flipping confused the poor guy will most likely be & I am now determined to add his complete bewilderment as part of the story. 🤣

Anyway, the whole point is that everything from that moment forward is different, but I’m not about to inform you of anything regarding that.

But at the end of the fic, I want Ganondorf changed irrevocably & on a fundamental level, but to still be himself as we see him in the game. Like, he’ll still hate Hyrule, still hate Link & Zelda, but… You’ll just have to see.

And thank you! I've actually brainstormed how they'd taste & stuff! It was interesting! 😁

Also understandable.

And, that's fair. Mineru would be knowledgeable on this. And it really is freakin’ weird that Rauru & Sonia backing up Link could do something that Mineru swears couldn't be done. Like, I never liked this part because it felt… It just wasn't satisfying! Like, at all!

In fact, this is another one of the few things that legitimately got my goat about the game! Though, like I mentioned, it isn't so much that Mineru was wrong, because I try to look at it as an actual world where that's just their reality. More so, I was always upset with HOW she was shown to be wrong!

Though, at the same time, it’s possible that the reason why it worked was because, before that, they hadn't had, technically, 3 people able to use Recall at the same time? Or, well, they did, but they Mineru might not have thought to test it? Because, technically, Rauru should've been able to use Recall just as readily as Link. So, him & Sonia powering up Link may have resulted in Link’s Recall being amplified? And, it may also have been partially due to Zelda herself also being a Sage of Time with a stone of her own??? And, if so, then it would mean that it was, being literally reverse back to the moment before Zelda swallowed the stone, which is theoretically feasible for them to have not be able to do. Because every other time, the Recall Rune was really only used to reverse small, inanimate objects back a few seconds? Perhaps Mineru even tried it with Sonia before, but was unable to because there was only Sonia & Rauru with the Recall? As in, maybe Mineru hadn't thought to try again?

It… I admit, I’m not sure.

I agree that it would've been cool for Zelda to have the trauma & denial as part of her character arc. Mostly because, at the end of the day, they're still just people.

Personally, I tend to be of the opinion that it could've been a bit of both, because there typically isn’t just one singular reason, but more so a main reason backed up by other lesser, but still contributing reasons. Like how Link's main reason for saving Hyrule in TotK is getting Zelda back home safe & sound, but alongside all that is 1) saving his home, 2) his people, 3) utterly destroying the S.O.B what took his wife from him, & 4) it's just the right thing to do.

No matter what, the main reason is first & foremost that he just wants his wife back, but that doesn't make any of those other reasons any less valid or important.

As such, I like the idea that it was mainly denial & a frantic hope that this wasn't him & that they killed him, they made sure of that & hadn't they suffered enough??? But one of the things that supported that denial could've been the fact that Urbosa had never said anything about it & she trusted Urbosa, so the idea that her godmother (my hc) wouldn't inform her of such an important detail is… well, I think that it would be unfathomable to her.

Sorry if I'm overexplaining again. I do that a lot. 😅

Not to mention, it's possible that Urbosa herself actually didn't know the full story either. She definitely knew more than anyone else, but considering the fact that no one else seemed to know much of anything at all, that isn't exactly the highest bar to clear.

I mean, I doubt that Urbosa expected to have to worry about the guy literally returning from the grave. If anything, she likely expected to either put down the Calamity for another century for the next set of Champions to deal with or to, hopefully, just end it completely this time & finally put the shame of the Gerudo to rest without having to inform her little bird of that shame.

But, again, I might be inserting too much real life logic into it.

Oh! You & me both! I would’ve LOVED seeing how Rauru united Hyrule!

I mean, I know how I think it started, but ya know.

I'll be honest. I wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo wanted us to think that all the Gerudo turned against Ganondorf, but as I mentioned before, there's really only so far that my suspension of disbelief will stretch. And one of the things that said suspension won’t cover & even specifically refuses to, is the idea that NONE of the Gerudo stayed loyal to him. If no one else, I would be willing to bet my bottom dollar that Kōme & Kotake stuck with him, but I’d still say that there must have been others.

Like, no! Even if Aonuma were to literally go out of his way to become fluent in every single language currently spoken on earth just so he could tell everyone on live television that both in OoT & TotK, ALL of the Gerudo turned against Ganondorf, I would still squint suspiciously & say, “No.”

Normally, I’m fairly adverse to the concept of “death of the author” as I feel like completely stripping the literal creator of a franchise of any authority regarding said franchise, is honestly just super dang disrespectful.

Like, at least wait until the flippin’ copyright has expired!

However, I still reserve the right to be a belligerent brat about it if I want to. As such, I feel zero shame in saying, “I don't buy it. If you want me to believe you, then do me a favor & actually make it believable & not just say, ‘trust me, bro.’”

Mm… True, I agree with the Fi thing… But didn't Granny Impa also mention that Sun didn't get to the Surface the way that she was supposed to? In fact, I remember reading a post where someone pointed that fact out. Because, remember, Granny wasn't just saying that because it'd been passed down to her from the guardian of the temple before her. She's literally Impa, meaning that she literally didn't remember it happening that way the last time.

As such, this implies that things had already started going off the rails at the start of the game.

And if that's the case, then it's possible that even Hylia hadn't expected this deviation to happen. And, if so, then it would suggest that Fi had believed that the loop was a stable one.

In other words, she miscalculated. Though, the thing about Impa remaining in the past is that had she not, then Granny Impa would've known for sure that something wasn't right. Because she would've remembered. Or, instead, Granny Impa wouldn't have been there in the story when we needed her. Or maybe she was still needed in the other timeline.

Also, it wasn't just that the pedestal & Master Sword weren't anywhere to be seen. Neither was Sun. Like, she's nowhere to be seen either. Which is partly why I found myself needing to create the Outset Timeline to begin with, because nothing made sense if I didn't make it make sense.

I can accept that! XD I can live with balancing things out.

And yeah. Though, to be fair, the first 2 main games in Kingdom Hearts, don't really have much, if any, of that hoop jumping, while Chain of Memories & 345/2 Days have a whole lot less than the others. And they're also super fun! 😁

I dunno. For all we know, “Misko” might be a family name or a title that you earn. Which, BTW, did you know that their name in Japanese translates to “Lambda” & in both versions, their symbol is the Japanese glyph for the lambda symbol? → 入 Which itself is based on the original lowercase lambda symbol? → λ

And, did you know that the symbol of one of the 7 Heroines of the Gerudo is actually the uppercase lambda symbol? → Λ

And maybe I have my tinfoil hat on, but I think that this is supposed to be a bit of a subtle hint to something. In fact, I think that Misko, if nothing else, may have some sort of connection to the 7 Heroines. Whether as a descendant of one of them or simply as a follower.

And even then, it's possible that, again, it could just be a family name or title. If so, then that alone could explain the odd time discrepancy. Or it could be a copycat thief.

My theory? I think that they are a Gerudo & that she is the descendant of, my guess, the Heroine of Skill, who I believe was the one who gifted the Gerudo Shield to the Mysterious Eighth.

But that's just me & my crazy theory that's based mostly on my own personal research as well as some things from other people. One such individual was actually the person on Reddit that I learned about all that Yorishiro stuff & the other, I somewhat pieced together on my own during a conversation with @alasse-earfalas.

We were talking & she mentioned that Misko's symbol was the lambda & that it was used in math. And then I think that I remembered something similar from that Reddit post I mentioned. So, then I went looking & she was right. And that got me curious & I realized that almost all of them were some sort of text symbol.

So, I thought that maybe they might correlate somehow. But for a good while the only one I was near positive about was the symbol of the Heroine of Heart/Spirit & that was mostly due to how Japanese culture, the piece of a soul is often depicted as being the shape of a tomoe or comma. → ❜

I eventually went back & investigated the colors of each symbol on the orbs. And then I listed the attributes of the Heroines as they were mentioned both times.

The first time we hear of them in BotW, they were told to us by Rotana & she listed them like this: "skill, spirit, endurance, knowledge, flight, motion, & gentleness.”

However, the next time we learn of it was from the Stelae, which listed them as: "heart, skill, fortitude, wisdom, flight, mobility, & compassion.”

Now, obviously, I’m more inclined to believe the Stelae rather than Rotana. Though, that doesn't mean that her information has no merit. All it means is that the stories have been told many times over through the years & that tends to result in details changing. Details such as the order & the most accurate terms. And, honestly, I quite like that they did that with the English version. Because even if it was a mistake, I find that it's a mistake that makes the quests feel more believable. Feels like you really are rediscovering something that's been lost for a long time.

Anyway, I couldn’t figure out what order the symbols were in until I thought to myself, maybe the games give it to you?

So, I looked & it seems that the order of the orb pedestals matches that of the order of the statues at the East Gerudo Ruins. And, if that order matched the order that the Stelae listed & the gifts left by the Heroines for the Eighth, then this is how they would be listed:

Heart; Shin (心; しん | heart, spirit, mind) = ❜ | Comma, phonetic symbol = Gerudo Shield

Skill; Gi (技; ぎ | skill, technique) = Λ | Lambda, phonetic symbol, ʎ used to represent wavelength in physics, electrical engineering, & mathematics = Golden Claymore

Fortitude; Tai (耐; たい | endurance or endure, resist | たい can also be used to mean want or desire) = o | phonetic symbol or O | Landau's symbol, null matrix or asymptotic behavior of functions = Ruby

Wisdom; Chi (知; ち | knowledge, wisdom) = : | Ratio or scales = Sapphire

Flight; Hi (飛; ひ | flight | ひ also be used to mean fire) = ⎎ | Hysteresis, technical symbol, correlates to f = Topaz

Mobility; Dō (動; どう | motion, action | どう also be used to mean copper) = Drop Sign | ??? = Gerudo Scimitar

Compassion; Jū (柔; じゅう | gentleness, softness | じゅう also be used to mean gun, but that's irrelevant) = ǁ | Absolute value symbol, phonetic symbol, alveolar lateral consonant = Gerudo Spear

The only one that I'm struggling with is the flippin’ droplet sign!

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what it's supposed to represent as far as a text sign is concerned, because all the other ones are, so this one must be as well!

Not only that, they’re all in some way or another related to math/equations or phonetics.

But… sorry… I uh… I went rambling again…

Honestly, my fave might just be the Mystic Set. Not for actual use, but most definitely for the aesthetic!

True, but not many of those game overs result in an actual scene hinting at the consequences of said game over. In fact, I know of at least one other. I think it was one of the OG Zeldas. Not sure as to whether it was 1 or 2, though… And, while it didn’t give you a scene, it had a text box that said that Ganon returned, I think is what I was told. Though, I haven’t seen it myself.

But, you know what? Now that I think about it, if Nintendo really did want to make an entirely new timeline to put BotW & TotK in, then why not just indicate that they split off from the MC bad end or the OG Zelda bad end? If nothing else, those are easy to confirm the existence of in a way that would be difficult to argue with.

Hmm… Didn't know about the Haniwa thing, might wanna look that up later… But that's understandable.

Actually… I'm not so sure that on’nen & miasma are a purely Japanese concept. More so, it's simply that Shintoism appears to be one of the only ones that go into the phenomenon in-depth.

For something that might be a bit more familiar, think about places with a truly bloody history. Places like Alcatraz Island or the sight of a bloody battlefield. Places that, even when all lit up, just feel haunted. The quintessential haunted house.

Or an aura of melancholic peace such as cemeteries.

Or, in contrast, places that feel peaceful or even sacred. Like a beautiful grove deep in the woods that seems untouched by man or a cozy little church.

This sort of concept does exist in places all over the world, but I'm not sure if anyone else has really put a name to it the way they did in Japan. If they have, I'll need to look.

It's the “vibe” I guess you could say. The emotional atmosphere.

Unfortunately, most of my sources are from Zelda related stuff like yours.

I can get being sad about that. It also makes sense.

However, I love that you bring up the Triforce & its virtues & all that because I agree. And actually, I have a theory regarding something. I’m not sure if we know as much about the Triforce as there is. Now, I’m gonna talk a bit about philosophy (which, take everything I say with a grain of salt), but instead of Buddhism or Shintoism, I’m going to be talking about Confucianism. Because in Confucianism, they also have a sort of “Triforce” of their own. A Triforce of virtues. And they happen to be Courage, Wisdom… & Benevolence.

I think that the Triforce has 2 sides to it.

Because isn't it odd that the Triforce is made up of 2 virtues & 1 non-virtue? As I just can’t see power as a virtue.

I theorize that we don't have the whole picture. I think that on a virtues level, it's supposed to be Benevolence, Wisdom, & Courage, but on a more practical level, they also represent Power, Order, & Justice.

In fact, I think the Triforce actually represents the qualities necessary for not only an effective ruler, but also a successful structured society, & possibly even a person.

Now, I'm gonna get into the Confucianism part. From what I can tell, in Confucianism, “benevolence” is defined as a moral sense beginning with those who are dear. In a word, one's own family. Above all, one must be filial to their parents & adore their siblings. Then that strong foundation allows for such feelings to flow outward to one's community & beyond. In other words, one must branch out from this feeling, considering others & empathizing with not only them, but even with one’s own heart.

One could even argue that it is an extension of Aristotle's idea that one's relationships with others reflects the relationship that we have with ourselves. In other words, how you view or treat yourself can affect how you view or treat others. Which makes self-compassion (philautia) rather than narcissism (narcissus) very important. Because arrogance is oftentimes a sign of someone who is secretly insecure.

Now, from how I've heard it, arrogance’s source is ego & is the counterfeit of true confidence. If one is truly confident, then it is far less easy to damage one’s pride. And, this is very much based on a CinemaTheropy video I watched on YouTube where they talk about this very subject as it pertains to Sokka from Avatar. And, while I don't always agree with them, I do find that they make a bunch of good points. Also, I likewise recommend taking a looksee at some of their other vids. Very fun.

And, this actually brings up something else that I learned about that I was, in fact, able to learn about from a non-LoZ related source: (https://folklore-japaneseswords.jimdofree.com/the-significance/#:~:text=The Shinto faith says that,this life or the next)

Now, I haven't verified the validity of the information, so just keep that in mind?

And, actually, I think I even discovered it due to having been looking for extra-cultural lore with which to help me expand upon my fic & some of the stuff that goes on in it! Like, yes, I believe that the search was prompted by a discovery of LoZ related information, but what I’ll eventually be talking about is mostly based on my own personal discoveries/logic & not that of others’. Regardless, I just found this to be super flipping interesting because, if the concept of Tsukumogami (付喪神; つくもがみ, Tool Kami or Artifact Spirit), specifically a Tsurugi no Tsukumogami (sword tsukumogami) that has been treated well, & the more spiritual aspects of the Sword with Japanese culture had been in mind when that particular game was made, then it could actually give us a bit of insight into Demise’s possible perception of himself. Maybe even hinting at a small underlying piece of his actual motivations underneath all of that rage. And, if so, it could cast him in an ever so slightly more complicated light than we currently see him in now. (Though, at the same time, this is only one of a handful of different interpretations of what tsukumogami are. So, I still might be wrong.)

Anyway, like I said above, in general, benevolence is believed that benevolence starts in the home & then spreads outward to one’s community.

In other words, I think that each Triforce segment has both a virtue & a purpose.

In my head, it's possible that the Triforce could even represent the threeway balance of power. The Triforce of Power/Benevolence representing the State (which tends to be more oriented towards the waging of wars for either offensive or defensive purposes), Wisdom/Order representing the Rule of Law (more oriented towards transcendental ideals of a timeless/religious nature), & Courage/Justice representing the People (more oriented towards protection).

What if the reason for the alignment of the Triforce pieces is because of effectiveness? Because, who would you choose to have the most power if not the one who is the most benevolent? Likewise, who would you choose to keep order if not the most wise & who would you select to deliver justice if not the most brave?

But, then, that begs the question of what happens when the family, the foundation of benevolence, is broken? What if the powerful has never known such stability?

Well, they fall back upon that which they know. Power, which they abuse.

Now, this is all just me speculating & hcing wildly, but if it turned out that I was right, then I have to say that it would be a really clever & deep way to go about this whole thing!

Otherwise, I agree with you in regards to what the Triforce represents.

Hahaha! Yes, but I was basically just a little middle schooler on a baby names site! The way it would be written might be (愛恋矢 or あいこいや). So, I was essentially looking to write “arrow of love,” but because all the site showed back then was that Ai & Koi both meant love, I didn't understand that they pertaining to different depths of love. With Koi 恋 being a more selfish or surface level type of love & Ai 愛 being something deeper & more tender. And Ai isn't just limited to romantic, though it is what the word is most associated with. It can also pertain to familial or platonic relationships.

However, had I known that then, my name on Tumblr might've been more like Ainoya 愛の矢 (あいのや).

And yes, I am aware of how cheesy it is, but in my defense, I was still deep in my Sailor Moon era.

Either way, I find that I can't bring myself to stop using it, if for no other reason than pleasant memories.

And, lightning does suit the Gerudo, but I also wish that we had a bit more variety. It’d be cool to have a Gerudo with sand magic or… OH! What if Tourma had Plant Magic?! That’d certainly explain how she’d be able to alter mangoes in such a way!

Also, like I mentioned before, I prefer the idea that no one is really barred from an element just due to their race. I mean, how cool would it be to have a more eel-like Zora with lightning magic? Or fire magic, but since fire can’t burn in water, their magic shows itself in the form of heat.

Eeeh, a wind dragon is only boring if you don't know how to use it. Imagine a dragon who creates tornadoes or that doesn't even need to touch you in order to cut you with its claws. Like, they can generate razor-sharp winds much like the Windcutter Longsword. Though, personally, I think that lightning fits Farore better if you think about lightning in the context of storms & nature's fury.

YES!! AUTOMAIL LINK!!! *punches air*

Also, that makes sense. I'll be honest, I find Flora’s interest in the Sheikah & Zonai tech adorable but… well, I guess I just find that the tech she's interested in is just… it's very obviously not the sort of stuff that the typical Hyrulean is going to see much use in.

For one, they seem the sort of thing that would need a lot of work & capital along with complicated machinery in order to make. So, this plus the fact that they don't exactly seem to be very useful for everyday use (other than the Purah Pad possibly), causes them to not exactly be… practical.

And even the Purah Pad isn't exactly the sort of thing that the normal citizen would have access to.

That isn't to say that parts of them wouldn't be, in fact, the actual Ancient Parts (the screws, cogs, springs, that stuff) would be very useful in the creation of actually legitimately practical technology.

By that, I mean things like household appliances that would make the citizenry's lives just that little bit easier & a tiny bit less time-consuming. Things like vegetable peelers & various things with hand cranks. Like food mills, hand blenders, spice grinders.

Heck! Why didn’t they bring in Pictoboxes?? Those are likely a bunch easier to produce than Purah Pads, so it would also be a lot easier to distribute out to the populous! It’s even a flipping Polaroid, so it produces pictures instantly & can even store a few at a time!! Like, it’s really weird that we have the Purah Pad, but no Pictoboxes in sight!

Similarly, we have stinking energy-based bows, regular bows, but no flipping CROSSBOWS???

Also horse-drawn wagons, then the ability to build what are essentially cars, but no carriages?

Just… Ugh!!

Anyway, as for a way to mitigate Link's climbing, maybe have the first part of the story going through a rainy season? Makes it difficult to climb, that's why they put in the Froggy Suit (which I loved), so maybe use this fact to your advantage & you can just sort of choose when you don't want him to climb stuff. Possibly even make it a running joke where Link gets frustrated by this fact.

Just make it:

(By ElderlyCats on Reddit)

And absolutely, losing your arm will definitely cause issues. Though, one of which that I know of will be phantom limb syndrome. It's where you sometimes feel the missing limb as though it's still there even though it isn't. And, in fact, you could probably use that as another way to make climbing difficult when you don't want him to. Have it so his brain is sending his false pain signals from.where the arm used to be. And, actually, that could be an interesting arc for him. Feeling less than he was due to the loss of his arm. Because he likely defined himself by his abilities as an adventurer, so having an injury cause him to not be able to climb so well would most likely sting.

Another interesting thing I think you should include. I noticed something about Link during TotK. The Purah Pad isn't what's keeping his things. But this means that he has some sort of knapsack on him. At the same time, you know how Link can just sort of through Wheat into the cooking pot? Well, I had a thought that maybe Rhoam gave him a mortar & pestle when he taught Link to cook. That way, when he uses wheat, it makes more sense him being able to use it because he'll be using the mortar & pestle to grind the wheat into flour. Of course, that isn't all it's used for, but that's the big thing, ya know?

“Oh that concept with Rauru's mom could be very interesting too!” Thank you! I wanted to have an actual story regarding how Rauru became king! My thoughts are that the Zonai, as in not just Rauru & Mineru, but the Zonai Empire. They came to Hyrule from not just the sky, but the skies of a distant land across the sea. (Not quite sure which yet, though.) Did you notice that both Rauru & Mineru end in -ru? And when you transfer them over to English, they read as Rare Mineral? Well, I’m thinking of making that the Zonai’s naming theme, with the -ru thing being the specific naming theme of the Zonai Royal Family.

The widowed Huētlahtoāna (empress, great speaker) is named Jueru Ryūmayateoteru (ジュエル りゅマヤてあてル) to mean “jewel” & “chosen of the sacred dragon goddess.” Meanwhile, her husband was named Nōburu or “noble.” I'd have her all in a black & deep, dusty orange in association with the marigold for mourning with a veil over her face at all times.

I was actually under the impression that it wasn't so much the Sword itself that traveled on its own as Zelda’s time magic, but now that I think of it, didn't Link literally just get Recall from Zelda's… temporal impression? Just before the Master Sword went back? If so, it could've been Zelda & Link's joint Recall? As in, the power… created a sort of point A & point B link in time, I guess?

I mean, aren’t the Sheikah Towers & even a number of the Shrines just up & disappearing on their own after their task was complete actually the more plausible answer here? Especially the Sheikah Towers considering that the way that we were introduced to them was via them literally coming up from out of the ground? And a bunch of the Shrines appeared in a similar manner.

If nothing else, those ones, at the very least, could've simply just peaced out! 😆

Just, “My planet no longer needs me,” & ⬇️. Like gophers.

True, they definitely could've given us something. It's possible that the entire point was to leave you asking questions, though. Not that that's an excuse, but still. Maybe they wanted to leave a bit of mystique?

Mmm… I actually think the point of it was that Ganondorf actually did want Link there. One of his big things is that he perceives the strong as the only ones worthy of survival. And as the strongest, he wants to prove it by dominating Hyrule. As such, he most likely wanted to fight Link one-on-one.

As for the Plateau & the Shrine, well before Link blows up the rock blocking the true entrance to the Plateau in TotK, I’m pretty sure that it was inaccessible for most other than Link & the Rito. Not to mention, the entrance wasn't there in TotK, so my guess is the Uprising shook the rocks loose enough for a bomb to finally reopen it.

So, my guess is that the reason why it isn't sacred is simply because not many people could get up there. So, I wouldn't be surprised if after TotK, it did become a sacred place with shrines & memorials.

… I'll be honest, I much prefer your alternative of the Sand Goddess having allowed the Gerudo to reproduce asexually far far more than a couple of the other theories I've seen. One in particular honestly said that they could do it themselves before & the only reason they couldn't do it now was due to “evil Hylian propaganda,” but let me just say, the actual hc made it seem like they thought the Gerudo were just gullible idiots who couldn't figure out that 🌭 + 🌮 = 🤰. So, while yes, I do prefer my interpretation best, I still like yours more than a number of those other ones.

Though, that begs the question as to the purpose of the 1 male a year? Like, if they never needed 1 before because of the Sand Goddess, why do they have one now? We're they always able to have a singular male? And, if so, why? For what purpose?

Not to mention, if they were literally designed to be women & never need men, then why not just make them hermaphroditic in the first place? Seems strange unless the Sand Goddess wanted to keep them loyal to & dependent on her.

Though, I will definitely agree with the sentiment that the Gerudo would've likely been much more well-adjusted if men were allowed in town. Or, if not men, then maybe at least the pre-18 y/o step-sons & adopted sons of Gerudo? I mean, in such an instance, they could probably argue that they weren't yet men, technically, & were Gerudo by right of being the child of another Gerudo?

And I actually think that voe are still being born, but I very much think that they’re… not exactly… allowed anymore? In fact, it’s entirely possible that it started out as no voe allowed (the subtext being no Gerudo Voe), but that it eventually became twisted over time into no voe, period. At least, that was my assumption. In fact, I kinda worry that the first couple generations after that was a scene from the beginning of the Prince of Egypt… Like, really think about it for a minute. If all the bad eggs in your basket were also always ones with spots, whereas all the others didn’t have them, what would you start doing whenever there was another spotted egg in your basket? And, I mean, think about just how bad it always ends up being whenever that egg is allowed to hatch. And it’s always just one egg. No one would miss it…

I’m being intentionally ominous here because as wonderful as humanity can be, we can also be truly despicable…

Especially when we believe such acts will save us from pain later on…

And as horrible as the idea is, it isn’t like this sort of thing hasn’t happened before.

Didn’t many women who birthed sickly or deformed children once leave their babies in the woods. Sometimes to die, but also sometimes in the belief that her child had been swapped for a changeling & attempting to return the changeling so the fairies would return her baby to her?

… Actually, I'm pretty sure that the weird dude that wants a bunch of crickets & frogs to impress a girl makes mention of remembering Link. He says something like, “The new in town act doesn't fool me,” or something like that.

And, to be fair, at least some of these people can be explained away with possibly having only met Link once 5 years ago. Like, do you remember some dude you met, maybe, once 5 years ago? Sure, a guy who did you a solid, but still just a guy as far as they knew.

Now, that by no means explains all of them, but I'd at least give a couple a pass for that. Because, you really expect Link to keep up with literally every character in Hyrule?

And, honestly, I very much doubt that anyone alive other than Link, Dorephan, Impa, Purah, & Robbie had actually seen Zelda in royal regalia. And, when Zelda's there, a literal princess, one who, in-game, has been doing so much crap consistently over the last few years to help her people. Are you really gonna take much notice of the feral dude standing beside her?

Well, to be fair. I'm more so suggesting that it isn't so much Demise himself who is being reincarnated, but more so his hatred.

Ah, but I actually think that he might be. Think of it this way; Time had the Triforce of Courage before going back to the past. But if that's the case, what happened to the Triforce afterwards?

Perhaps, there was a timeline bug, but it was more so that the Triforce registered the presence of a bearer, so the ToC went to said bearer. But then, we've never seen a case where only 2 pieces were in place with one missing. So, maybe, that cause the other pieces to seek out their own bearers?

Definitely possible. Though, I actually wonder if maybe Null is the mysterious Yōkai equivalent to the Tennō (emperor) that I theorized might exist? What I'm talking about is the fact that Demise & Ganondorf are always referred to as Daimaō, the mortal equivalent of being Daimyo. But the thing about that is, there are at least 2 other titles/roles above a Daimyo. Those being the Shogun (royal military general I think) & the Tennō (emperor). Of course, the possibility of such malevolent figures doesn’t seem to be substantiated in actual Japanese lore, but I just find the possibility of it intriguing.

But, you know what part of this theory, might be? See, I believe that at the shogunate’s foundation, there had been something in the ballpark of 200 daimyo under the servitude of the emperor…

What I’m saying is that, there may well be 199 other daimaō (possibly as powerful as Demise in their own rights) out there. And, who knows, maybe that's what Bellum & Malladus are. Just another couple of Daimaō.

But then, that makes me wonder about this mysterious shogun equivalent that I've essentially conjured up inside my own head.

And, if Null is the equivalent of the Tennō, then who’s to say that he wasn't the one who ultimately made the daimaō? Consider this: he can make echos. Echoes of people who can talk & think. So, maybe in his frustration with the tris, he also made things that they wouldn't go after. Things that he could sort of pincer formation creation with. Things that would hate creation as much as he wants creation.

Actually, that makes sense, but also I think that TotK Ganondorf is more complicated than that. I'm pretty sure that it's canonically confirmed that he's a Social Darwinist of the Struggler variety. As such, it isn't so much that he wants to destroy everything as he thinks that the strong survive & that peace makes you go soft.

In a lot of ways, I don't think that Ganondorf was actually in control of the Calamity. I guess one way to put it would be that I see Ganon & Ganondorf as 2 different, but connected entities. Ganondorf is a person who has his own identity & sense of self, & with that comes his own individual desires & goals. Largely, the obtaining of power, control, & eventual rulership over Hyrule.

But Ganon, in essence (in my mind, at least), is Demise’s hatred. And because of that, Ganon’s goal is ultimately the death of Hylia’s bloodline, the cessation of the Hero’s spirit, the annihilation of Hyrule, & ultimately, the destruction of everyone & everything around him. Because that is what Demise’s goal was.

Anyway, the way I tend to write Ganondorf, I sort of make Ganon’s influence more subtle &, in many ways, insidious. In a way, he acts as the Anti-Jiminy Cricket. A “Jack Hopper” if you will. (A term that I literally just made up, so searching it most likely won’t have any results.) He’s something like a combination of the devil on your shoulder & intrusive thoughts. He lurks there in the back of Ganondorf’s mind &... gives him little nudges in the “right” direction. Sometimes lending him a tiny bit of his black magic (which, in my version of things, is quite literally corruptive; spiritually, mentally, & even physically). And that’s how he typically tends to work… until Ganondorf obtains some form of power. At which point, he’ll slowly begin to influence his host more & more. Pick at his insecurities so that the Voe begins to use more & more of his black magic, thus pulling him deeper into his thrall. And, in a lot of ways, you could see Ganondorf transforming into the pig monster as the culmination of all that. In essence, representing Ganondorf losing himself to the very thing that he was so arrogant to believe that he could control.

And, maybe… Maybe Ganondorf dies & is reborn, but Ganon isn't. Maybe Ganon is learning. You see… Maybe that’s why Rancor & Miasma were so effective against the Master Sword this time around? Because, he's learning.

Perhaps… Ganondorf is ultimately little more than a pawn & no one but Ganon & the Twinrova are aware of it…

And, I think it’s been confirmed that the reason why Ganon &, through him, Ganondorf, is always associated so heavily with pigs. Because the literal definition of being pigheaded is stubborn obstinance to the point of self-sabotage.

Oh! I hit on a possible plot fix?! Yay!! 😄 I'm glad!

Though, I know that I don't have to help, but I want to! It's something I enjoy doing!

Oh! Also, the thing I brought up before, but didn’t finish, was a little detail that I'm not sure if others have noticed yet. It has to do with a bit of an interesting aspect of TotK Dorf's personality.

I think that he is a very intelligent & strategic individual, but that he's also prone to taking chances. And by that, I mean calculated risks. (Because of this, I tend to see him as a bit of a gambling man, but if you were to put him in a room with only roulette or a simple memorization game, he actually much more likely to choose the memory game even though I think he'd also see it as beneath him. The issue being that roulette is all luck & no skill. On the other hand, I think that he'd enjoy card games. Especially ones that involve bluffing & trying to intuit what sort of hand your opponent has.)

Once more, I'm basing this on the Molduga scene.

Think back, what is a Molduga's big, exploitable weakness? Simply put, the fact that they can't swim in solid earth.

But then you remember that Ganondorf sends them to attack the Great Plateau. So, by all accounts, all the Hylians would've needed to do was take a few steps back & let the Molduga fling themselves at the mountain & flop around. Maybe poke at them until the monsters died.

Now, does this mean he’s stupid for doing that? No, just a risk taker.

Because, why would you assume that this tactic was common knowledge among the citizenry of Hyrule if they weren't allied with the Gerudo before that? And, if my theory about the tribes being at war beforehand were true, then it was unlikely that many pre-Hyruleans would've visited the desert often. And if so, then they wouldn't have the same knowledge regarding the desert predators that the Gerudo would just by virtue of them living there.

However, if Ganondorf were to have only sent maybe one, two, or a few, then it would've been more likely that the soldiers might've tried their luck on their own, which would've revealed the play for what it was: a bluff.

And I am aware that he was too far away to be seen. However, even if they wouldn’t have known it was him because of this, had he only sent a few, then it would increase the likelihood of him not drawing out the information that he wished for.

Which is one of the next 2 points of order: Ganondorf’s goal & why sending a swarm of Molduga almost ensured that he achieved it.

Well, the reason why he needed the numbers was because, if you were a handful of simple little Hylian soldiers facing a swarm of massive & intimidating, but most of all, unfamiliar (beyond description & name), opponents, what would you do? Especially, if you had a King who was so powerful that many believed you a god?

You’d call him & pray he’d handle it because you don’t think you can do it yourself.

But what then would that powerful king do if he also was not familiar with how to fight that same opponent, but you had little time to learn their weakness before you were forced to figure something out?

He’d use his trump card: The Secret Stones.

Which, in my mind, was Ganondorf’s true goal. He wanted to bait Rauru into using the Secret Stones so that he could get an idea of how powerful the stones were or could be. Not to mention, getting an idea of who might’ve had access to a stone.

In other words, his attack didn’t fail. If anything, I think that Ganondorf got exactly what he wanted from that encounter.

Which is why it pisses me off that he pulled such a stupid move by only taking one stone!! He should’ve at least stolen 1 other stone if he wanted to ensure that he’d win! Because, he knew for certain that there were at least 3 people were in possession of 3 stones (because he would’ve seen at least 3 lights from a distance) & had likely encountered Mineru later. However, even if he hadn’t, he could likely infer as such just based on the fact that the only ones he knew had 1 were either Rauru or people noticeably very close to Rauru & he already knew of Mineru at least by the time of the audience with Rauru. So, if nothing else, he at least suspected that she might be in possession of a stone.

As such, he should’ve at least stolen one other stone!

I dunno, maybe he figured that because one of the lights he saw was bigger/brighter, that it meant that the stone could increase his own power more than he’d expect, but he shouldn't have banked on that!

Then again, the light to the left would've looked much bigger & much brighter to Ganondorf. And, it wouldn't have been too difficult to figure out that Rauru was likely the one in the center, yet despite how strong he was known to be, his light was no bigger than the one to the right of him.

If that's the case, then that would suggest that, without the stone, either Rauru had much less magic or his magic would be much less potent.

Perhaps he hadn't made his decision by the audience cutscene? And perhaps he used his time between that & the one where he kills Sonia to gauge each one's capabilities.

And, if he'd learned that the one with such a powerful aura had been Zelda & that she was actually still a novice at using that power, then he may have felt a bit of pressure to do what he needed before she could fully master this power that dwarfed Rauru. (Which is also part of why I don't think the Zonai are meant to be actual gods, as he & Sonia seemed to possess auras of a similar potency. While it's true that Sonia was likely a descendant of Hylia, herself, if Rauru were also a fully divine entity, then how would their power levels be the same?)

Regardless, he might have spied on them training, possibly both their magic, use of the stones, a/o in a martial aspect. We already know that Rauru was deft with a sword, so he likely trained. We just don't get to see it.

If you ever watch this one movie called “Tucker & Dale vs Evil,” I'd encourage you to only watch an edited version from the perspective of the college kids first.

And once you do, I'd then suggest you watch the full, unedited movie. (Unless you get squeamish about blood, then I'd suggest you just not watch it at all. It isn't by any means the worst I've seen, but it's still bloody & kinda grim.)

Either way, let's just say that perspective changes a lot.

And another example of this is actually in BotW with Link's memories. Specifically that, everything we see regarding Rhoam's relationship with Zelda is almost entirely based on the things that Link was there to see himself. But Link is automatically going to have a biased perspective in favor of Zelda no matter what. And that’s exactly what we see.

If we never met the old man or if he never revealed that he was Rhoam. And if we never find Rhoam’s journal, then we’d all have just believed that he was an a-hole & cursed his name.

Honestly… I kinda think that a few things may’ve been cut. A couple things seem to indicate as such, in fact. Because BotW just felt… More complete, I suppose? And a couple of things never really get addressed. One such case being the situation with Wabbi. Another is the thing with it being implied that Zelda is Rauru & Sonia's descendant, yet we neither see nor hear of hide nor hair of their implied child. We also get a shot of what was most likely a new iteration of Kōme & Kotake, but after that, we see nothing else of them. Then, there's the practical zero evidence of the Zonai as a culture & people.

So, either they forgot, they didn't care, or there was more, but something made it so they had to cut the fat (possibly, in order to meet the release date at all).

Also, sorry. When I said that they were thinking about bringing Koroks back in my last reblog, I meant to type “Minish.” There's literal flippin’ screen shots of Link kneeling by an itty-bitty Minish House! X3

Also, one thing that I just really didn’t like about the Wild games is, ironically, the trees & forests. They all just feel like the same straight trees that any child would draw. And none of them really had a natural old feel to them the way the trees in, say, Faron Woods did in TP. I just really miss the really gnarled, twisting, old-old, possibly ancient trees that actually look like they might have a little kodama living inside with the thick canopies above! But when you run through what's referred to as forests in the Wild Era, don't they feel too… Manmade? Like, my grandpa used to measure trees for harvest on a wood farm for the timber industry. A bunch of the forests in the Wild Era kinda look like that. And, I dunno. It just doesn't feel like a 3D Zelda game should because of it. Feels too intentional & not wild enough. Like, I wanna see branches twisting into each other to form archways! I wanna see fairy rings at random spots! I wanna see trees with their roots showing because of the rocks under them!

And, something else, I'd recommend looking up some BotW/TotK mods. One I know of is Second Wind for BotW (evidently, it's actually worth a fresh playthrough). It adds a bunch of stuff, including Ordon, but I'll be honest, it just… really doesn't feel like Ordon to me. It just feels like any other BotW village. The add on stuff is really cool, it's just that the placement & general aesthetic of Ordon isn’t the best, is all. There's also Relics of the Past for BotW,

Another one that's for TotK is Zonai Link, which changes the Ancient Hero's appearance to be… Less… Eugh, I guess you could say. And I actually really like the look of it compared to the canon version. There's also a Master Mode mod for TotK, a Champion's Cap mod to go with the Champion's Leathers & a Weapons Restoration mod.

Also, I think that you might enjoy the Trails series. It's a very intensely story-based game series that's just huge about continuity, lore, & making the world feel real. As in, it works how you'd expect a real world would.

Heck, sometimes completing certain side-quests will even change the reactions of characters in the main story a bit. But only where it would make sense.

Problem is, I'm liable to raise my expectations for games as a result. 😅

@aikoiya The post was getting too long so I’m replying here, hope that’s okay! If anyone is looking for the beginning of this discussion, it's here.

Your extended pantheon is amazing! I just knew that Gàlondo would end up being Demise haha. I'd say I prefer not to associate Demise with any race in particular (and the Gerudo already have quite a heavy burden with Ganondorf), but otherwise I like that backstory you came up with. So what's Hylia's role in your version then if he’s the guardian of the Triforce? I'm curious ^^

I'd say my reasoning isn't so much "I hate this" but rather "this doesn't make sense/contradicts something else" or "previous games did this better". I also want to show that it's still possible to create stories without ignoring everything that was established previously because to me this idea that the timeline is too restrictive doesn't stand. In fact I tend to believe being a bit restricted and working inside a frame can trigger more creativity (after all they did wild stuff like flooding Hyrule before and it fits perfectly in the timeline). I also would prefer to see the existing lore extended or clarified instead of them adding new confusing stuff and leaving it extremely vague.

Oh I LOVE your Outset Timeline!! Though the ending is indeed very bittersweet. It always makes me so happy when someone else points out the inconsistencies in Skyward Sword's story. That's exactly my reasoning for my fourth timeline, it exists because of Ghirahim and Link's victory over Demise in the distant past. Though you are right, adding a timeline split while keeping the Master Sword in the official timeline requires some gymnastics! At the moment I'm going with a lazy theory about the Sealed Temple being the future Temple of Time, so the Temple's magic somehow allows the Master Sword to exist in both timelines (I said it was lazy haha). Impa’s bracelet is another story though. In my timeline the Goddess Sword is also left untouched in Skyloft because Skyward Sword doesn't happen, which could be useful in case someone accidentally broke the actual Master Sword 😁 It's very intriguing to me that Sky left the sword in the past when he had no reason to (and it shouldn't even be possible since it's in the exact same spot as Zelda's crystal). It's probably just a mistake on Nintendo's part but I like to think there could be something else there, and that Fi had a reason to stay in the past.

About the DLC items the thing is that most sets are found in the Depths in random Zonai chests if I remember correctly, or in the coliseums, and there was no explanation as to how they got there. In Misko's little shrines we find the Fierce Deity set and the LA set, but also the barbarian armor, the shock-resistant outfit and the climbing gear. I can understand building shrines for the Fierce Deity or LA Link following what you said, but then for three random armor sets? Not to mention that Link already owned them in BotW, so making us look for them a second time was kind of a joke. I like this shintai/yorishiro idea, but I think it would work a lot better if there were only a few items to collect and not… the outfits of all the Links ever INCLUDING WILD'S (how!!). It feels really meaningless and more like a catalogue for you to choose from so you can look like your favorite Link (which is a bit insulting to Wild, you can just replace him at this point and go as far as changing his hair or even his entire appearance with the LA set). I also didn't really believe they were the actual items from past games, it made no sense (the same way Link wouldn't actually wear a red Nintendo Switch t-shirt or something from Xenoblade). It just really felt like fanservice.

The dictionary thing might help, but I think the story should be explicit enough on its own and I don't really want to study Buddhism/Shintoism in depth so that I can play Zelda games and understand what's happening haha. I mean of course it's fine if knowing a bit about it adds new context and all, but if you can't understand things like malice vs. gloom without it then I think it's a bit of a problem. Speaking of Fujibayashi I feel like this wasn't really an issue before he was in charge.

Yes the French translation for Demise is very misleading, that's another problem: depending on your language things are sometimes interpreted very differently.

I really like the English names for the three dragons, I think they're so much better than what we got in French. Nedrac, Ordrac and Rhordrac, really?? At first I didn't even understand the link with the Goddesses, and then the last two sound way too similar. Btw I remember from my very basic Japanese courses that it's common in Japanese to create new words by mixing a few syllables of other words together. For example "rimokon" means remote controller (remo + con), or there's the well known Pokemon = pocket monsters. So naturally we end up with stuff like Ordinn + dragon etc.

I thought as well about the dragons going by names given to them by mortals instead of their true names. The thing is, I don't really want to create new names because I'm already changing so many things and my timeline stuff can be a bit complicated, so I need to keep at least a few things familiar. And I really like Dinraal, Farosh and Naydra :D

I agree about Farore being more associated to wind and plants than thunder (I mean she's kind of Link's patron goddess and he has nothing to do with thunder). What's even more confusing in BotW/TotK is that the Gerudo are now also related to thunder for some reason, but they're definitely more Din than Farore in my mind.

Maybe I should give you some context about my dragons haha. The beginning of my story is quite similar to TotK, though I still made some changes. Ganondorf completely destroys the Master Sword, Link looses his arm (except here Rauru isn't there to replace it), and Zelda still travels through time (but not because of a Secret Stone since I got rid of everything Zonai). She arrives in ancient Hyrule one century after Sky killed Demise (because this is set in my alternate timeline), and she's stuck there so she needs to find a way back home. Before that she learns a lot about SS, the Triforce, the timeline split and Hyrule's past. After meeting various characters and most importantly Sonia (who's still a priestess, the Sage of Time and her ancestor), Zelda learns that this era has two Master Swords: the one left by Sky in the Sealed Temple, and the Goddess Sword that is still somewhere above the clouds. She understands then that she needs to retrieve the Goddess Sword in Skyloft and forge a second Master Sword in order to help her Link in the future, and to do so she needs the three Sacred Flames. Where are the flames? The dragons "swallowed" them since they weren't needed anymore after Sky left his own Master Sword, which turned them into the giant immortal dragons we see in BotW/TotK. So that's Zelda's quest: find a way to go to Skyloft and then get the dragons to lend her their power. Along the way she'll also meet the ancient Sages, who can help her return to her own time by using the Triforce (but of course this won't work because of Ganondorf, and Link will have to fight him in the present and bring her back himself).

I'm trying to make this both a story I could adapt in comic form and something that could work as a game. The idea is that Zelda's memories would be playable sequences with places to explore, fights and maybe even mini-dungeons and bosses. And of course there's an entire story for Link as well. At the moment I'm trying to come up with interesting arcs and quests for each race/Sage, both in the past and the present.

Anyway, that's why I'm so focused on the dragons. Zelda (and Link) will need their help and they will talk this time. And since they will remember being apointed by Hylia and they're supposed to absorb their respective sacred flames, I need things to make sense. This is also a timeline without climate change in Lanayru (here it's the same province as in BotW with the addition of Mount Lanayru and a good part of central Hyrule), so the thunder dragon has no business being up there. That's why the swap would make sense.

No need to apologise! I appreciate your perspective and that you're interested enough to share your own ideas! :D

I agree on Zelda's magic being her own and what you said makes sense! Love the part about her only thinking about how she's a failure (though I guess it's only natural if she's been trying for 10 years without result). I don't know if she would have had the same reaction had she witnessed her father's death though. AoC isn't canon but Zelda doesn't unlock her power when Rhoam "dies" in front of her and Link forces her to run. The memory where's she's crying in Link's arms in BotW also shows that she knows everyone is dead, it's even possible that she saw some of it happen (maybe in the same way as AoC for Rhoam, or they saw what happened to the Divine Beasts from afar). I guess they must also have seen some terrible things on the roads, so she could have unlocked her power trying to save her people. But it only happened when Link was about to die.

Haha yes, I'm probably one of the most obsessed Zelink shipper there is and even I can't stand that power of love trope. It really has no place in a LoZ game. In my headcanon Zelda wouldn't access her power only because of her love for Link, though it definitely helps, but rather because the Hero dying is kind of an emergency situation and would trigger her divine magic even if the necessary conditions were not met. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me though 😆

Yeah I'm okay with the women of the royal family having some sort of power though not as powerful as Zelda. I think some part of it could also be attributed to their Sage of Time abilities. And the gift of prophecy being inherited from Sky is such a cute idea!!

I don't know about Terrako, I only remember that Zelda built it when she was just a child?

I'd send you an ask to rant about TotK but I'm not sure about the character limit and I fear it would just turn into a second wall of text haha! Here are some thoughts:

– I could live with new lore that contradicts older games, if only things made sense and were sufficiently fleshed out. Then I could just enjoy the story and accept that this is a different continuity. But here everything is so vague and sometimes even confusing. Like if we're going to meet the Zonai and make them such central figures in Hyrule's history, then I want to know more about them and learn about their culture. What's the point if we're only going to see two of them and have no clue about how they created all that technology, mined the Depth, lived with the Hylians, and then disappeared? Same for ancient Hyrule: if the different tribes were at war, I want to see it, and I want to learn more about them. Ganondorf also had so much potential for an interesting backstory. What kind of king is he? How did the Gerudo feel about him becoming the Demon King? What about the Gerudo Sage? And so on. It feels like this could be so much more.

– Other things I would love to see explained: where is the Master Sword in ancient Hyrule and why does no one seem to know anything about it or the Hero? How does it travel through time to reach Zelda? What about Rauru and Sonia's descendants? Also what was the point of the fake Zelda, and why did Ganondorf stay in his bathtub the entire game instead of rehydrating himself right away and getting stuff done? There's also everything I said about the secret stones the other day, but I know you don't see it as a problem ^^ (Also I just rewatched the memories and I had completely forgotten what Rauru tells Zelda in front of Sonia's grave: "Remember, that was a future where you never appeared in this world". So does this mean this is a new timeline that kind of retcons BotW? If not then where did all the Sheikah tech go and how were the shrines replaced by the Zonai ones? I really need an explanation for all of that!!)

– The game also barely mentions what happened in BotW, except for the history class about the Calamity in Hateno, the statues in Zora's Domain, and the memorials left by Zelda to honor the dead. I wanted to see Hyrule starting to rebuild and to get some sort of follow-up on the story. Did Link regain all his memories? Was Zelda planning to take the throne? Does she have some sort of trauma after her century-long battle against Ganon at Hyrule Castle? Why does she react to Ganondorf's name, but doesn't link him to Calamity Ganon? Why did the Sheikah tech that was so central in BotW disappear, especially the Divine Beasts? I care about this world and its characters, I want it to feel like a real place and to see it evolve. But then stuff like this really reminds you that this is just a video game world, and that Nintendo doesn't really seem to care. And if things can be retconned any moment even in a direct sequel, then… why should I feel invested?

– There was a real waste of potential with the Light Dragon and Zelda just transforming back thanks to Rauru and Sonia (btw couldn't they have helped if they could appear anytime and still had that kind of power?). I find it so disappointing that Link doesn't have to do anything to help Zelda, it almost happens by accident. Mineru also said it was irreversible, but in the end it's no big deal (they shouldn't establish something and then ignore it like that). If only Link had to use the Triforce or something. I didn't want Zelda to stay a dragon but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been a better ending.

– It also really doesn't help that Link feels so disconnected from the main story. In BotW he was also experimenting the story through flashbacks but at least they were his own memories and they fleshed out his relationship with Zelda and the other Champions. Here Zelda is the one experimenting the best part of the story, and to make it worse you can find the memories in any order and get badly spoiled. It could have been so cool if Link also time traveled at some point and could explore ancient Hyrule (and they could have done something crazy like Link and Zelda being the ones to seal Ganondorf in the past, which would lead to his transformation into Calamity Ganon). Link is also so expressionless (except when cooking and all) that I find it hard to care when he doesn't seem to. Imagine how different Zelda sealing herself would feel in Skyward Sword if Sky didn't act so distraught. In the same way TotK would hit a lot harder if Link did stuff like falling to his knees after seeing Zelda's last memory.

– I also think that the hands/cooperation theme the devs talked about in interviews is a bit weak and cliché (with characters reminding Link and Rauru that they don't have to do things alone and that they're stronger together, stuff like that). First I don't find it very interesting compared to what games such as OoT, MM or Wind Waker did, and then Link being able to fight Ganondorf alone from the start kind of throws it out the window (and Rauru also ends up sealing Ganondorf on his own). The Sages are not even with Link outside of the dungeons, they just create creepy copies of themselves (and I found them so annoying I never activated them, except for Tulin when flying). But yeah sure they shake hands and vow to help Link. I still think him being accompanied by the Champion's spirits in BotW worked a lot better, and their powers were also more useful. I guess seeing everyone working together to rebuild Hyrule would have made that theme more meaningful. The thing I really liked about this though was Link finally catching Zelda in the end after failing at the beginning of the game, that was a really beautiful scene.

– Also I said it above but I don’t want everything to be explained by Buddhism/Shintoism parallels, especially if the game just expects you to get it without providing context. Let Hyrule be it’s own thing.

So I know this isn't only about lore, but these are the main reasons why I'm not very interested in TotK. To sum up I'd say that the game lacks some kind of depth and has a lot of wasted potential, and it also makes it clear that it's pointless to care about continuity. BotW Hyrule was interesting and I think a lot of things could have been done about existing races instead of adding a new one but not bothering to do much with it. Just bringing Ganondorf back in this version of Hyrule and see how the Gerudo react to him could be so interesting!! Some concepts were also excellent but didn't really go anywhere, like the Depths and the Sky Islands.

Honestly I haven't thought about all these side quests and minor characters yet, I'm still trying to sort things out with the main story ^^ But I don't think I'll touch the ones you mentioned, they were fine. I liked the thing with the Eighth Heroine as well, I've seen a lot of people complaining about it but it's one of the only things in the game I actually found interesting. I just can't unsee the parallel with Link and the Seven Sages (of course).

What I'll be doing for sure is making some of the quests and events more serious, I'm kind of aiming for a darker tone. Most of the quests are quite fun (especially the "potential princess sightings" ones), but I feel like this game really lacks some sense of danger and urgency. For example couldn't the people in Hateno have more pressing problems than making cheese or choosing between Cece and Reede? Or was it really a good idea to make lighthearted little quests about misanderstandings with Zelda when her disappearance should be driving Link mad? (I should have included that in my little rant above haha)

I'd also love to make the pirates in Lurelin something more interesting than just a bunch of Bokoblins, but I'm not there yet. And rebuilding the exact same village was kind of meh.

About the Gerudo questioning their traditions, I'm actually planning for my Ganondorf to be a lot more active and go to Gerudo Town in order to meet his people (I want him to care about them, so he wouldn't attack them the same way he targets the others). I don't have all the details yet but I'm pretty sure there will be a conflict between Riju's supporters and other Gerudo who believe he's their rightful ruler (at first they wouldn't know he's actually that one king who turned into Calamity Ganon). So that's another tradition for them to question.

The consequences of Ganondorf being the only Gerudo male are something I've been wondering about as well. Add to that the fact that he's raised to be king because he's male (and maybe even kind of worshiped by his people) and you get something that can turn nasty real quick. Though I also wonder if Gerudo aren't different from Hylians. You said you hc that the Gerudo are only women because they were cursed so it makes sense that you would view it this way, but on my part I believe that's just how they were created. For that reason I think this is natural for them, so it's possible that it doesn't cause exactly the same problems it would for us or for Hylians.

About Demise, yes of course Ganondorf is more than just Demise's hatred. But in this game it doesn't seem to matter, he kind of turns into a second Demise as soon as he gets his secret stone and his motivations instantly go from conquering/ruling to destroying everything and everyone. They could have done something a lot more nuanced or at least shown a more gradual transition, with him being more and more consumed by his hatred and loosing control for example. I don't know, anything that would look less like a comically caricatural villain riding a demon unicorn.

Also about Demise's curse, I always thought it sounded more like a warning than an actual curse, and I remember reading somewhere that this was the intention in the original Japanese text. In French Demise even says something like "you must never forget, history will repeat itself" instead of "I will rise again", and he and speaks of the curse of the demon tribe (implying that it existed before). Even in English it doesn't sound like Demise himself is casting a curse: "Those like you… Those who share the blood of the Goddess and the spirit of the Hero… They are eternally bound to this curse". He doesn't say "I curse you" or "I bound you to this curse". I feel like this makes a difference (the curse already exists). This is why I interpret it as him basically saying that evil will not die with him and that Link and Zelda/the Hylians as a whole will always have to fight the demon tribe, but not necessarily his reincarnation. So I don't even believe that Demise himself is influencing Ganondorf in any way.

About the Zonai Zelda explains she studied them at the beginning of TotK and recognizes what's depicted on the murals, so it seems strange that sky beings could get mixed with a tribe of barbarians living in the woods. But yeah history getting lost and mixed is the only explanation for this.

Oh you're completely right about the Mogma, I got the same vibe from them! And a Mogma mafia sounds hilarious ^^ I love the Rocktato, Link would definitely eat something like that 😆

I need to take some time to read through your master list, it all looks very promising!

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝑹𝒂𝒊𝒏 (𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)× 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.4K

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐇𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐨. 𝐇𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞. 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐡𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐦.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 (𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞), 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐢- 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧- 𝐆𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐍' 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬/ 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲- 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @brie02 @deja-vux @rvse-miingi @multidreams-and-desires @galaxteez

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Waving enthusiastically at the crowd cheering loudly at the end of their performance, Mingi's eyes were scanning each and every one of the sections in the auditorium. To anyone it would seem as though he was making sure to shine his beautiful and radiant smile to all the adoring fans that came to watch and support him and his members, and yes that was partly why. But it wasn't just that. He had hope as he scanned every face in there. Hope of once again seeing her again. He could hear his own heartbeat pump against his ears, the sound drowning out all the chanting coming from the thousands of fans gathered in there.

Sensing what was going on, one of his members couldn't help but let out a sigh. Leaning in close enough so he could hear him, he whispered in his ear.

"She's not here Mingi."

He expected such words from his best friend, who although with good intentions, seemed to try to ground him back down to earth and inadvertently crush his hopes. But he never took it personally. He knew Yunho was only trying to look out for him and spare him more heartache. Nudging him slightly, the equally tall male swung an arm around Mingi's broad shoulders, plastering on a smile out to the crowd once more as he led them backstage as slowly the members started to walk off the stage as scheduled. Accepting that the night was over, Mingi pulled his face away from the crowd and began walking away. He would have ultimately called it another uneventful concert that ended the same way and just go back to change into his normal clothes and then join the rest of the group back at the hotel to lounge and rest.

But he felt a something strange, pulling and beckoning him to look back at the scatter of people behind him once more. Slowly, he tried his head, unsure of where to look exactly, eyes wandering around aimlessly. Until they spotted what he believed to be a familiar red scarf wrapped around a person's neck, effectively covering up the bottom half of their face while their head had a matching beret that covered their forehead entirely. Although he couldn't see much other than their body frame, he felt his heart swell up, legs unable to move as he stared at the figure. Yunho stopped when he felt Mingi no longer walking behind him. Walking back to him, he put on a smile so as to not act suspicious and began pulling him away.

"Mingi..we have to go."

But Mingi stayed grounded, still scanning the figure he had locked his eyes on. The person began walking away, almost as if they didn't even acknowledge him.

"Wait hold on-"

Just as he was about to run off the stage and follow them, Yunho harshly tugged on his arm and fiercely guided him backstage, waving out towards the people still watching them so as to not arouse suspicion or have them think something was wrong.

"Mingi, it's not her. You always swear it is but it's not."

Yunho didn't mean to sound so aggressive towards his long life friend, but he cared about him too much and didn't want him getting false illusions that would only end up in him getting more hurt than what he already was.

"I know but it's different! Yunho she was wearing the scarf I gave her. I know it was it!" He insisted, anxiously looking towards the door, debating whether or not he could make a dash and catch up to the individual.

Shaking his head, Yunho placed his hands on top of his friend's shoulders.

"Mingi.....there's a million red scarfs out there. And you were too far away. Honestly I think....."

He hesitated before speaking his next words, knowing how sensitive Mingi got with the topic.

"Forget about her."

As if on instinct, Mingi shook his head.

"No! I can't. I promised I'd wait for her and I'm not breaking my word. I'll stay faithful to it until she comes back."

"But what if she doesn't?! It's been over two years Mingi! Face the facts. She's not coming back. Y/N never loved-"

"Don't say that! She did- she does love me! I know she does!"

Yunho took a step back. Seeing Mingi become so agitated and frustrated like that truly terrified him. It was always dangerous to have him get mad or overly worked up. Sensing that he probably startled his friend a little too much, Mingi ran a hand over his dyed blonde hair, a despondent sigh coming out his mouth.

"Hey Yunho I'm sorry..... I think.... I need some air."

After changing into his normal clothes, Mingi didn't get in the van like most of the other guys who just wanted to go relax back at the hotel, nor did he follow Wooyoung or Hongjoong to go check out some of the nearby stores. He simply walked in the opposite direction, mindlessly strolling the streets of the unfamiliar city he was currently in. The slight rumbling of the skies and the subtle scent of dew signaled that it was more than likely going to start pouring rain soon. Even though he was wearing one of his long trenchcoat, the slight breeze that blew across sent tiny chills down his spine, nearly making his teeth chatter.

As if it were a beacon, Mingi stumbled across a small and cozy looking coffee shop. Making sure it was still open, he cheerfully greeted the sweet looking old woman behind the counter, who seemed to brighten up at seeing such a handsome young lad at such an hour. Very calmly and politely, he ordered just a simple caramel cappuccino, which the owner was delighted to whip up for him. Just as he took out his wallet to pay, he had a weird inkling feeling for some reason.

"Uh..... do you perhaps sell hot cocoa?" He inquired nervously.

After getting confirmation that they indeed made hot chocolate, Mingi asked if there was any possible way they could add peppermint to it. He could already feel the judgmental stare about to be given to him as most baristas did with such an unpopular request. Although she seemed surprised by the special addition of peppermint, she didn't hesitate to assure him she'd definitely make it as he liked. Mingi felt so grateful to the kind lady, making sure to leave her a generous tip before taking both of his drinks and going back outside.

Spotting a nearby gazebo, Mingi went over and sat down on one of the benches that were placed underneath the roof of it. Setting the hot mint chocolate down next to him, he sipped his cappuccino slowly, being careful not to burn his tongue on the scorching hot liquid. It had the perfect amount of foam in it, with not too much caramel added in it so the strong espresso could still be made out. Wiping off some of the froth that accidentally got on the tip of his nose, he peered down at the untouched drink next to him. Chuckling dryly to himself, he picked up the cup and scanned it with deep curiosity.

"You always were so different and unique." He mused to himself.

Putting it back down, he began to think it was absolutely silly to have bought it just because of some momentary whim he felt back in the coffee shop.

Or was it nostalgia?

Mingi began to believe it was the latter, especially considering what month it was. After all, it was during this exact same time 2 years ago, on a cold and gloomy November where everything started...

Or perhaps ended?

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Exhausted panting came from all 8 of the sweaty bodies of the males in the room, about half of them were already reaching for their water bottles to gulp down the contents before proceeding to try catching their breath once more. The strict yet kind eyes watching them announced they would be taking a break before saying they'd be rehearsing for another hour or two. Simultaneous groans and protests were elicited by the members, who were already tired from thinking about burning a few more calories with their intense dance sessions.

"Looks like I'm missing the new episode of aot." San dramatically layed on the floor, arms sprawled out.

"I'm calling first dibs on the shower when we get back." Seonghwa declared, not afraid of using his status as the oldest member if it meant getting himself cleaned.

"Aww Hyung! You take showers that are way too long! You'll finish all the hot water like last time." Woow already began nagging, which in turn started another argument between his both of them, with San and Yunho joining in to offer backup if necessary.

Ignoring their pointless bantering, Mingi took the time to call up his girlfriend to let her know. It took quite some time for her to pick up his call, it had actually become a rather recent and constant habit of hers, contrary to before when she'd immediately answer on the second ring.

"What?" Her voice sounded somewhat annoyed and tired, which Mingi guessed had something to do with her work.

"Hey baby, looks like I'm going to be staying late at the company for practice. I'm sorry, I really wanted to spend time with you, but I'm not sure it's possible." He could feel his heart pounding as he began imagining her disappointed and disheartened look.

As expected, he heard her sigh through the other end, a brief pause where he only heard her breathing before she finally spoke up.

"That's fine. I'm going to be pulling extra hours today anyways so....don't be sorry. Maybe it works out in the end."

Mingi noticed how dry and monotone she sounded, as if it didn't really bother her that this would yet be another week where they hardly spoke and spent time together for more than 10 minutes.

"Oh ok....take care then, and remember to eat a snack in between hours ok? I don't want you starving yourself ok baby?"

The girl on the other end of the line didn't need to see him to know he was more than likely pouting at her as usual, always fussing to her about her health.

"Ok. Take care Mingi."

"Y/N!.............."

He bit his lip before saying the next words.

"I- I love you." Although he forced a smile on his face, his voice trembled with fear at saying that.

"I....I know. I gotta go."

Once more, she hung up without repeating those same words back to him. Mingi didn't understand why his girlfriend of forever seemed to be acting strange. Lately she hardly had anything to say, she looked less and less animated each time they video chatted, the dark circles under her eyes were becoming more prominent and judging by the way her cheeks looked a little sunken and clothes looked baggy on her, he fussed she was not eating properly.

But the thing that scared Mingi the most was seeing her soulless eyes. Those eyes that once held the entire stars in them, were now empty and completely void of any emotion. She never initiated any form of physical contact with him, it was always him pulling her into an embrace or placing a kiss on her head, nose or lips, and even when she reciprocated them, they were always cold and almost robotic.

It was starting to terrify him.

"Mingi!"

He nearly dropped his phone when the tiny leader called out to him.

"Break time is over. We gotta start again."

Putting his phone back in his bag he promised himself that even if he left at early dawn, he would go over and see his lover. He just had to.

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Letting out a long and exasperated sigh, Y/N kicked off her heels and left them on the front of the door, her toes aching after all the grueling and arduous hours of both sitting and running up and down floors. Her once neat bun now had various hairs poking out from several places and was now drooping lower than in the morning. She slumped her tired body over to her bedroom, ready to just indulge in a warm shower and then head to bed. But the last thing she expected to see when she turned on the light, was none other than her boyfriend.

"Hey." He waved his hand at her, a soft smile on his lips.

She was momentarily confused with his presence.

"I thought you had practice." She raised an eyebrow, her tone sounding more accusatory than with delight.

"I did...but then I came over here." He explained.

"Why?"

Mingi blinked at her question, stunned that she would even ask why. Getting up from the bed, he slowly walked over to her cautiously. Once he was right in front of her, he reached a hand out to caress her cheek.

"Why? I naturally wanted to see you.....hear you...touch you."

Arms wrapping around her waist, he lowered his face until he pressed a soft kiss to her mildly chapped lips. Although he felt her give in after a while, he could feel that her heart was not in it. Every brush of her lips felt extremely languid and emotionless, even after he had turned a little more desperate and began to trail messy kisses across her jaw, her hands did not move away from her sides, her head only tilting to allow him more access to her skin. Before he could move to pull off her shirt, she stopped him by gripping his wrists.

"If you don't mind I'd like to clean myself off first."

Not even giving him a chance to say anything, she pushed past him and made a beeline to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she leaned her back on it, staring into the floor for a few minutes in a somewhat catatonic state. Taking a deep breath, she slowly removed each one of the articles of clothing on her body, all of them feeling like a heavy weight on her. Ripping the scrunchie off her hair, she tossed it onto the floor so it could join the pile that had already been made in a corner. Sliding the glass door open, she got inside the shower and quickly turned on the water, first the splashes coming out at an almost freezing temperature, which although her body shivered at, she did not shrink away from. Then the water finally adjusted to a more warm temperature, not too hot but warm enough to soothe her sore muscles.

Closing her eyes, she decided to simply bask in the warmth of the water coating her body, shutting off her mind from all the spiraling thoughts that had been clouding her mind for the past weeks, refusing to go away and seemingly taunting her at every hour when she least expected it. She hurt, she was in pain yet there were no physical evidence of it. She could barely eat more than 2 bites of any meal she intook because it suddenly felt too full. At nights, her eyes drooped heavy with sleep, yet her restless mind wouldn't allow her even one full hour of sweet slumber though that's all she wanted.....

She just wanted to fall asleep and hopefully never wake up so as to not feel the pain and emptiness she felt.

So lost was she in the moment that she failed to hear or notice the one individual coming in to join her until she felt familiar hands come to wrap themselves around her waist.

"It's all right love. It's just me." Mingi softly whispered when she gasped lightly at the sudden touch.

Letting her relax under his touch before doing anything else, Mingi's fingers slowly began drawing circles around her hips as he kept his face buried in her neck. Inhaling deeply, he could make out her unique scent that his senses had committed to memory, but could also faintly discern a somewhat different odor that he had never before detected on her before. It was slightly off-putting to him, but he opted for brushing it off. After all, she worked with several people at her job.

Slowly, he began peppering kisses along her shoulder, which seemed to trigger deep and blissful sighs to exude from her nose. His hands moved up to cup around her breasts, kneading at her soft skin while the thumbs grazed over her sensitive nubs in a careful motion. Soft moans poured out from her mouth. Tilting her head back, she reached a hand up to bring her lover's face to hers so she could kiss him. Her moans were now being eaten up by his mouth and tongue as his fingers stroked between her legs, probing at her folds and rubbing at her clit. Pulling apart to catch her breath, Y/N looked up at Mingi with longing and desperation.

"Please....more." She begged at him.

Prying her folds open, he carefully inserted two of his slender and long fingers inside her, her walls practically sucking him in. She felt so tight around him, her walls hugging and clenching all around his fingers. Y/N threw her head back against his shoulder as she began grinding against his hand, savoring as she was finally feeling something, anything in a long time. Her hand had moved to pet at his head, her fingers brushing away his now damp hair in gentle caresses. Wanting to see, feel him more, she removed his hand away from her mound and firmly pressed him towards one of the walls, where she then began to kiss him hungrily and in subtle anguish.

Mingi just allowed her to take control for that moment, his heart lightening up at finally getting some reaction from her. He let her take a hold of his erect cock and pump him slowly as her mouth sucked on several patches of skin on his neck to leave tiny blotches across it. He missed this, he missed being intimate with her and missed having her touch him, not to fulfill any sexual yearning, but to be close to her. He always saw these tender and passionate moments as a display of their love and bond.

Soon the water had been turned off and both of their dripping bodies were fumbling out and landing on top of the bed. Mingi hissed softly as he watched his beautiful girlfriend sink down and his length.

"Fuck. It's been too long."

Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around her, wanting to be as close as possible as he began to roll his hips up. Wanting to take his time, Mingi took one of her supple breasts and stuffed it in his mouth, giving it various light suckles and then adding a few kisses onto it. Y/N began panting and moaning uncontrollably, so many emotions rushing through her all at once. It seemed as if all that time of not feeling anything had left her somewhat numb to emotions that now she was beginning to feel overwhelmed by all the ones that were hitting her now:

Love, lust, passion, anger, fury, agony, guilt, one by one they all crashed into her head and heart. It was becoming too much for her and it began to scare her somewhat. But she didn't want them to stop, she wanted to cling onto those emotions just a little longer, no matter what or how. She hadn't even realized her hands had placed themselves on Mingi's broad shoulders, holding her steady as she began to bounce herself on top of him, slow tears trickling down her cheeks as muffled cries of desperation were being choked back and bitten back by her lips. Her fear of not feeling anymore soon turned to rage, and it was manifesting itself as she fucked herself on her boyfriend, who by now had noticed the change in her mood.

Mingi tried to grip her hips down, but she didn't seem to care and tried to push his hands away. His calling out to her fell upon deaf ears as she swatted his hands, tat were trying to steady her, away. Finally, he firmly held her wrists and kept her from moving as he forced her to look at him.

"Y/N!" He sharply exclaimed, breaking her out of her trance.

Feeling her body starting to shake, Y/N looked away in shame, her eyes threatening to spill out more tears.

"Baby, look at me, what's wrong?" Mingi gently cupped her chin.

Not meaning to be so mean, but Y/N brushed his hand away and began to climb off him.

"I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry."

Getting up, she ransacked her drawer and pulled out some clothes and dressed herself in an inhumane speed.

"Honey, we can talk about it-" Mingi tried to touch her once more but she pulled away once more.

"I don't want to talk about it! Please! I just want to go to bed."

Marching over to the closet, she grabbed some spare pillows and a blanket.

"I'm sleeping on the couch." She firmly stated, not about to let herself be dissuaded from her resolution.

"Y/N, please don't do this. Stop shutting me out."

With one final attempt, Mingi grabbed her shoulder and turned her arousal to face him, eyes intently searching and scanning every inch of her face for a clue as to what was bothering her.

"Talk to me love, you know you can."

Y/N opened her mouth, about to spill what was on her heart, but ultimately decided against it.

"I can't.....I'm sorry. Just please....let me be for now."

Mingi's hands fell to his sides in defeat as he watched the most important person in his life leave him there, alone. He hated this, hated having her become so distant from him. He could feel it in his heart that sooner or later she was going to snap and hurt his heart, probably more than what he was imagining.

But he was ready for that moment.

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Having gotten absolutely no sleep that night, Y/N ended up getting up just hours before the sun was supposed to rise. Making sure to make as little noise as possible, she made sure to bundle up since it was chilly outside. She looked over at the peaceful and sleeping figure of her boyfriend, who was softly letting out subtle snores as his hands clutched around a pillow, holding onto it as if his life depended on it. He could never fully call asleep unless he was holding something, that something always being her. She could make out a faint wet patch on his pillow where his cheek rested, tell tale sign that he had been crying the night before, just as she had done.

With a kiss to his forehead, she left the house and headed out, her destination still unclear. She just walked wherever her legs led her to, whether conscious or unconsciously. There was hardly a soul around to keep her company on that lonely and cold morning walk in the autumn breeze. Her teeth were chattering inside her mouth whenever a rather blunt force of air swooped past her, making her lick her lips as she felt them drying up even more.

Without realizing it she had come across a small and serene park, a trail specifically used for early joggers right in front of her. Following the trail, she kept her head down as she slowly strolled through the immense trees surrounding her. The golden and garnet hued leaves were scattered about all around the semi dead grass, some of it blowing through the air. She paid no attention to them though, she paid no attention at all to her surroundings. She couldn't feel anything anyways, even the cold air was becoming numb to her at this point.

"Mind if I join you?"

She halted in her steps when a low voice spoke from behind her. She didn't need to see him to know who he was.

"How'd you know I was here?" She questioned him without turning around still.

"Lucky guess."

Moving in front of her, Mingi's tall figure loomed over hers, studying her mood which right now seemed apathetic and melancholic. Standing there all quiet for a brief moment, Mingi was the one who decided to break the ice.

"I love you, you know that right?"

Without even batting an eye, Y/N slowly nodded. Expecting that reaction, Mingi chuckled dryly.

"You know it's been a while since I've heard you respond at all to me saying that...."

Once more, she had no expression on her face, hardly even blinking as she stared right through him, almost as if he wasn't there. But she was listening to him, and he knew it too. Brushing some hair behind her ear, Mingi let out a deep sigh.

"Y/N...... I know you're not ok. I don't know how or what it is you're feeling, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. Maybe you should go see a therapist, a doctor, I don't know. We'll find out what's wrong so you-"

"Mingi I don't know what I feel for you anymore."

He felt as if a knife had been plunged at his chest. Although he expected her to say something that would hurt him, he still wasn't fully ready to hear those words.

"Just 2 months ago you said and thought differently. Back then you always told me you loved me and cherished me." He kindly reminded her.

"Maybe feelings change." She bluntly stated.

"Yes they do which is why I don't believe you when you say you don't feel anything for me anymore. I know my Y/N, I know the girl I fell in love with and I know that these past weeks, seeing how you're acting.......that's not you."

She didn't move away when he cupped her cheeks.

"I know you still love me, I can see it in your eyes. Your love is just restrained right now. Just give it time. Trust me."

Choking back tears, Y/N finally made eye contact with him.

"Just end it Mingi. I don't have the heart to do it, so please just end things with me. Don't hold onto me anymore. Move on with your life and find someone who can love you like you deserve to be loved."

Mingi immediately shook his head, that being an option he was not accepting.

"Baby, do you need some time on your own? Some time alone? I can give you that. Maybe that way it'll be good for you to use that time to get help and-"

"Mingi I cheated on you." She confessed.

His body stood frozen in place at her admittance, yet he was not shocked at all. The weird scent he detected on her and the way she sometimes recoiled from his touch as if guilt ate her alive, he always had that thought on the back of his head.

"So you fell in love with someone else?"

Y/N let out a sob.

"No.......absolutely not. It meant nothing and I just did it because I wanted to feel something, anything and he was right there. But that's no excuse and I'm sorry Mingi. I'm sorry I'm not the girlfriend you deserve. You deserve so much better than me. Someone who's not broken, foolish and dead already. So please..."

Her hands came up to hide her face as she began crying like she hadn't done in a long time.

"Just forget about me....."

Even if she didn't want it, Mingi embraced her, holding her tightly as she tearfully spilled her heart and emotions out. His heart ached for her. She was suffering, emotionally and mentally she was in pain and she didn't even want to admit it. He couldn't force her to get help, but he couldn't just leave her like that. It would tear him apart if he did. Stroking her hair, he waited until her sobbing and hyperventilating had calmed down before saying anything.

"Y/N.....you need some time alone. We....need some time alone. And I'm willing to give you as much time as you need to heal. But you have to promise me that you'll get help. It's not fair for you to keep living this way. You deserve to be happy."

Pulling back, he used his thumbs to brush away some of the tears off her cheeks.

"But this doesn't mean I'm ending things nor forgetting about you. This is only a break until you're all better and ready to come back to me."

Y/N stared at him in disbelief.

"Song Mingi, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought you were."

He giggled softly at that.

"I'm an idiot who loves you and will always love you. And this idiot knows you still love me, even if your brain refuses to let you believe it now."

Pressing his forehead against hers, he shut his eyes to keep himself from crying.

"I'll be waiting for you until you come back to me....."

Taking off the red scarf that was hanging on his neck, he wrapped it around her neck and softly padded it on.

I know you'll be back."

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He left her with a final kiss on her lips and watched her walk away, disappearing from his life for about 2 years. Rain had begun to fall then just as it was falling in that moment. Picking up the untouched peppermint hot chocolate and discarding his cappuccino on a nearby trash bin, Mingi stepped out of the gazebo and began walking back to the hotel, not caring about getting soaked in the pouring rain. Perhaps it could help to mask the tears that were beginning to spill out from his eyes. He had never felt his longing for the person he still regarded as his soulmate so dearly as he felt right then and there. He felt as if his oxygen was being caught off, his hope was beginning to dwindle, all the words his friends would often say to him were revolving around his head.

Were they right? Should he stop waiting for her? Was he wrong? Should he just move on?

He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard someone open an umbrella behind him, the person hovering it over him so the rain wouldn't hit him anymore. He felt his heart beating harshly against his chest, some overpowering sensation telling him to turn around, which he slowly began to do. The first thing his eyes caught was the familiar red scarf tied to the person's neck. He recognized it immediately. And when he looked up at the face that was looking back at him, he no longer had any doubts left.

"Y/N...." He whispered out.

Through tears in her eyes, she smiled at him, not a fake nor cold one, but a genuine and heart warming smile, just like the one she had plastered on her face when they first met each other.

"Hey Mingi. How are you?" She asked.

"I...I'm fine. ....how are you?" They both knew what he was referring to.

"I'm a lot better actually. Taking medication still sucks but I'm a lot better and happier now. My therapist has been working with me all this time so...yeah.." She seemed a little awkward talking about it, but Mingi wasn't going to push her.

"I'm glad, I truly am happy for you."

Looking back at the cup in his hand, he held it out to her.

"It's probably not hot anymore, but it's your favorite."

Y/N was surprised that he even had or remembered what her favorite was. Taking a small sip, she couldn't help the tiny grin spreading on her cheeks.

"It's perfect. I never liked it super hot either way."

They both chuckled at that known fact between them. Soon there was another silence between them, and once again it was Mingi who broke it. Brushing some hair away from her face, he stared into her eyes.

"I love you."

Looking up at him, her eyes no longer void nor cold, but instead full of life and love, Y/N answered back.

"I love you too."

Unable to hold himself back, Mingi held her tightly, overwhelmed with emotions as he finally held the love of his life in his arms once more.

"I knew you'd come back to me...."

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[straykidsworldwild]

Duskwood

Phil Hawkins x MC

Part 3 : MC calls Phil. The next night, as she was going to the bar, someone crosses her path which unpleases her. She rushes to the Aurora and that's where another chapter of her life begins.

Warning : little swearing 🙈

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Heyy guys!! How are you? 😁 So sorry this part took so long to be published. Pardon me. Hope you'll like it! 😁

(I don't own the pics, I just made the collage. Credit goes to the creators of Duskwood and owners of the pics.)

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I take a deep breath in and out as I do a messy bun. I feel like I am getting ready for a marathon. My heart is already beating stronger and faster than normal and I haven't pressed the calling button yet. It's crazy how he makes me feel even when he isn't here, next to me… Just a thought of him and it makes my heart racing. I wonder how he feels when I'm close to him, talking to him, or just when someone mentions me. Does he even think about me sometimes? I know Phil is pretty confident about himself but that doesn't mean he cannot feel nervous, right? Anyway... I have a call to make. Alright, one last deep breath in and out and… Oh, you're such an idiot, MC… I'm so nervous that I'm calling the Aurora instead of his phone… I hope he is still at his bar.

- "Hello?" I hear Phil's voice echoing right after he answered. At least I know he is still there... His voice is so restful and deep. I smile just by this simple note coming from his voice.

- "Hi, I'd like to talk with Mr. Aurora", I answered the man, sounding playful as I let a small chuckle out.

- "MC" calls me, Phil, chuckling back. Oh God... You're not allowed to do that! My smile grows as I can picture him just by hearing him chuckling. It's so contagious... "Wait, before you say anything, I'm so sorry about..." He suddenly tells me which surprised me. He spoke so fast...

- "Phil, I'm not upset or mad or anything. Don't worry. It wouldn't be right of me to be upset with you anyway.", I immediately reply to the man, interrupting him. I do not want him to feel guilty or awkward about what happened. There's no need for that...

- "Why not? That girl literally shamed you and flirted with me in front of you." He tells me back, sounding confused as to why I am not angry. I mean… I guess there's reason to be upset but not angry. But are they worth being said out loud right now? I'm not sure...

- "Well, one, you're free to have whatever kind of relationship you want. I don't have a word to say about that. And two, we're not together so I don't see why it should matter." I answer to Jessy's brother which didn't sound that harsh in my head. I close my eyes and hit my face with my hand. Why did I say that? He's going to think I am not in for something with him or that I might have moved on from trying something with him. But then, do I want something with him? Am I ready to be in a relationship with Phil despite the kind of man he is? I mean, he can change… Right? Well, he already changed, right? For a moment, a dead silence takes place in the phone call. "Are you still there?" I ask Phil, my voice sounding faint compared to before.

- "Yeah, yeah... I was just deep in thoughts." He responds to me, sounding… Hurt? Disappointed? Maybe both... I couldn't tell. I let a quiet sigh out as I feel my heart beating so strongly down my chest. I need to know… Even if it scares me, even if it might not pleasure me to hear what he is going to say, I need to know.

- "Can I ask you something?" I gently demand to the boy.

- "Of course, Gorgeous" he answers softly. And the deepness of his voice is just so amazing to hear...

- "Are you being serious about... I mean... Are you really trying to... Do you really…" I sigh again but louder this time. How is he supposed to understand what I want to ask him if I can't put three words in a row? "I'm sorry, I don't know how to formulate my question." I tell him as I lightly shake my head. I'm such an idiot...

- "You want to know if I am playing with you or not?" He tells me as if he just read my thoughts. Oh... Am I this obvious?

- "Yeah. It's just... I'm having a hard time to believe that you actually want something with me. I mean... It's just easier to think that you want something from me than with me. Especially when I see the kind of girls you liked before…" I confess to the boy, telling him my worries all while hoping it doesn't make him step away from me. I don't want to lose him because I worry to much or don't open easily to him... I just need time.

- "I never said I liked them, MC." He calmly answers before hearing him blowing some smoke.

- "But you must have felt something for them, otherwise, you wouldn't have wanted a night with them." I reply to him with an unsure tone.

- "It was just physical attraction, nothing more. It's different from you. With you, it's not just the attraction, it's... It's the spark that I don't have with the others." He tells me sincerely and seriously, always sounding so calm but so sincere at the same time. I hum as I look down. I want to believe him… And maybe I do actually. But there's always this lack of confidence in me that brings me to my rational side. "I told you, MC, and I'll say it again. I love you. Now, I know what you think about me and I know what people say about me. But I don't care. And I care even less of those chicks. I only care about you." He admits to me with the same tone as before, sounding lightly desperate for me to believe him. I care about you too, Phil… More than you think, more than I certainly should. I stay quiet as I meditate on everything happening right now. There is a lot to think about. Suddenly, I hear a light sigh coming from Phil. "MC, do you trust me?" He suddenly asks me. Oh… Well...

- "Of course, Phil." I answer instantly, nodding positively even though he doesn't see me.

- "Then trust me when I say that I'll be ready to change things from me to be with you." He confesses seriously before blowing some smoke again. Change… But I don't want him to change...

- "I don't want you to change anything from you. I just... I'm just not confident enough." I tell and confess to the boy, admit my lack of confidence to him. It actually feels weird… Why am I telling him that?

- "If you let me, I'll prove to you that I really love you and that I'm not trying to play around with you. But I'll only do it if you want me to give you that proof. I'll never force you to do anything. It's your call." He says seriously and sincerely, letting me all the cards in my hands. It's my call… I smile, unable to stop it. Why do I smile in a moment like this one? How can he make me smile in a conversation like this one?

- "You're charming." I tell him which makes the boy chuckle. "I didn't give you your hug." I recall, sounding like I am kind of excusing myself to him.

- "I know. It broke my little heart." He says jokingly even though I could hear he was serious in a way. I giggle at his answer despite being sorry. "Maybe you could give it to me tomorrow night, Gorgeous." He suggests before a small pause takes place in the conversation. "Huh, you're coming to Jessy's birthday tomorrow night, right?" He asks me with an unsure tone.

- "Yes, why wouldn't I?" I demand him back, sounding confused.

- “When are your uncle's funerals?” he questions me, ignoring my questions. The funerals…? Why is he asking about that?

- “Huh... Tomorrow morning.” I begin to answer when something just comes up in my mind. Of course... “Oh, I get it. You think I shouldn't go or I wouldn't want to go to the party?” I tell him, sounding like I have just read his mind this time.

- “Well, I just thought you would have preferred to be alone, maybe? That you wouldn't be in the mood for a party.” He responds so gently and so calmly, clearly caring about my emotions. I could hear how much he cares for me just by the sound of his voice. It’s crazy…!

- “Well, I will certainly be down but, I'd rather be with my friends than alone at home, especially in a time like this one. It's not…” I let a small sigh out. “It’s not good to stay alone. And my uncle wouldn't want me to stay by myself anyway, so…” I reply to the man I have been having a crush on for so long. The pain was heard in my voice.

- “Well, you can call or send me a message if you need to talk, okay? Anytime. I'll be there for you, MC.” He answers sincerely and seriously, showing me his support.

- “Thanks, Phil. That means a lot.” I tell sincerely to the boy, cracking a smile. That warmed my heart.

- “I'm sorry but I'm going to have to hang up, Gorgeous. I need to do the closing.” He says with a disappointed tone towards himself because he needs to hang up. Oh already...

- “Sure, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” I tell him as I smile like an idiot. Again... Thank God he cannot see me...

- “See you, Gorgeous. Goodnight.” He wishes me back, letting a soft chuckle out. Oh… I keep a smile over my face and hang up. Why did I fall for an idiot like him?

~ Next day, morning ~

Next morning, I wake up and do my little ritual before getting ready. I out on a black dress with black heels but don't bother putting on the small amount of make up I usually wear. It's not necessary, I will ruin it with my cries anyway... Mom is waiting for me at her home. I told her I would pick her up before going to the funeral. I know mom is strong but I’m not sure she’ll be able to drive after the funeral. And to be fair, I’m not sure I will be able myself, but I’ll try… I have to be there for her, firstly, then myself.

~ A few hours later ~

I feel so strange. I feel like a piece of me was ripped and is missing, but at the same time, I feel relieved. I mean… I feel like my uncle is finally resting in peace and I can try to move on, live my life like he would want me to do. Though, I just can’t stop thinking about him… I want to turn the page but I'm also scared to forget him at the same time which isn't a good match. When I saw the white flowers set for my uncle's funeral, I was just so happy. They looked amazing. I just wished I could have bought those flowers for another and more joyful reason though... Anyway, maybe Phil was right to worry if I would come or not to Jessy’s birthday party tonight. I really don’t feel in the mood right now… And certainly not later either…

After dropping my mother at her home, I stayed for a moment with her. I just needed to make sure she'll be okay. And I also needed to be with my mom. I needed my mom. Anyway, I am finally on my way back home as Jessy won’t be long now. I park my car and walk up toward my little apartment. Oh… I’ve got a message.

- “Hey, MC, I’m sorry but I have to go help Cleo with something so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it in time at your home. Can we meet up at the Aurora, instead?” I read her text message which was sent an hour and a little more ago. I completely forgot to pour the sound back on so I didn't hear any of the notifications I received. "I keep my phone close to me though. So if you need to talk, I'll be there." I read her second message. A small smile comes over my lips.

- “Of course, Jessy, no problem. I’ll see you there.” I simply respond to her message as I don’t want to bother my mind right now. I don't want to talk. I guess I’ll get the chance to rest a bit before going to the party. Maybe I’ll be a little more motivated to go there after…

A few hours later, I am on my way to the Aurora to go meet up with the others. Well, I'll probably be the first one since I always come early. There’s a part of me wishing I could actually be home, lying on my sofa in front of the TV, and do nothing, and the other part is telling me, “is Phil alone right now? Will I have a heart to heart moment with him?”. Yes… I think… Yeah, I think I want to tell him that I want to give him a chance if he is really willing to have something serious. I don’t know if it is the right thing to do or not but, I need to… Live. I need to try new things. I need to challenge myself. Telling my emotions to him, how I feel about him, it’s something new. It’s just so hard to talk about how I feel most of the time. Especially saying my feelings to the boy I have a crush on since… A while now.

The streets are enveloped by the darkness of the night, but the streetlights bring some light to them. Thankfully, it's a calm night without any rain pouring down.

- “Hey!!” I hear a familiar voice screaming in my back. Not so calm now... Though the voice sounded… Off. It was a man for sure, but the person didn’t sound very "fine". He talked quite slower than a normal person would do normally and he half chew over his words. Is he drunk? I continue my way, ignoring the man. That's the best thing to do... “Hey, MC, is that you?” What? Who...? I turn quickly around to just give a glance at the person, but I don’t stop walking. Oh… My boss…? What is he doing here? “Whatever. Why don’t you come see your favorite boss, Baby Girl? You could be surprised by me.” He says in a drunk way as he points at me with a bottle. Oh… Huh… I didn't see it before. Hell no! I clear my throat, feeling uncomfortable and scared. I…

Without thinking further, I start to run away from him as I know the Aurora isn’t far from here now. It’s just a couple street corners away… I run as fast as I can, hoping to lose him. Which some chances, he is too drunk to actually run after me. Well, he did still seemed a little bit himself despite the alcohol... There! I can see the colorful light from the bar lightening the street. Please, be there.... Alone or with someone, I don’t care…. Just be there. I rush inside the Aurora and immediately close the door behind me before sticking my back against the door. I thought I was going to make a fool out of myself in front of people, but it’s empty… Though, Phil is standing behind the counter, cleaning some glasses. Breathless, I quickly lock the door and step away from it as I walk backward towards the counter.

- “Gorg…” I hear Phil calling me with his lovely voice. Though, it was quick to faint. “Did you just close my bar?” He asks me with a confused tone as he points at the door. I look up at him, fear flashing over my face. Wow, I didn’t think I was this scared actually... “MC, what's wrong?” He asks me right away with concern while walking around the counter to join my sides.

- “Phil, he's following me.” I tell him rapidly and out of breath as I walk towards him to meet him midway. Wow, I… I didn’t even control myself. It’s like my body just talked for myself, walked over to him, needing to feel this protecting feeling.

- “Wow, calm down. What are you talking about? Who's follow you?” He says calmly and seriously as his hands come grabbing my shoulders. Oh… I stare into his eyes, reading the calmness in them. Though, I can read the concern in them. Suddenly, there’s a loud thud coming from outside which made me jump and gasp, breaking eye contact with Phil. I turned around and found my boss standing outside, still holding his bottle in one hand. He managed to get here without falling? Oh God... Seriously?!

- “MC, bring your sweet little ass outside before I fire you!” I hear him yelling in the middle of the street which made me take a step back. Even with a wall and a locked door separating us, he still scares me. Phil grabs my wrist as he takes a step forward, shielding my body with his.

- “He's drunk and clearly worse than when he's sober…” I inform to the man as we notice that my boss is trying to get inside Phil’s bar. Please, don't break anything here... “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring him to your bar but…” I rapidly apologize to Phil, shaking my head negatively as I dance on my feet. I shouldn't have come here...

- “Hey, it's okay. I'm glad you actually found your way here." He tells me reassuringly and so calmly. "Stay here. It's okay.” He tells me with the same comforting tone while motioning me to not move. Huh… What is he doing? Phil goes to the front door, looking so upset. He unlocks it and opens it before stepping outside. Though, he makes sure to close it back behind him. “What can I do for you, sir?” I hear him asking seriously to the drunk man. It’s faint, but I can still hear their voices.

- “You?” Says, my boss, while rudely pointing at Phil with the bottle and frowning confused. “You work here?” He tells him with surprise as if Phil wouldn't be able or wouldn't be smart enough to work here.

- “I even own the place.” answers, Phil, crossing his arms over his chest.

- “Right... Look, I'm not goin' to bother you 'ny longer. Just tell me where the little wh**e is?” Then asks, my drunk boss, half screaming in the middle of street. I'm actually pretty sure he doesn't notice that he talks so loudly. Wow... He definitely doesn't know what pet names are...

- “Excuse me?” Questions, Phil, sounding very unpleased and like he heard him wrong. Though, I can tell that it is making his blood boiling.

- “Don't play dumb, boy. Where's she? She and I nee' to talk. If you know what I mean.” I hear my boss saying before he smirks, looking hungry for… Ugh! He’s such a pig! Knowing the thought he must have with me, I grimace with disgust. “She seems like a good little b**ch waiting to be f***ed.” He says before starting to laugh drunkenly. I knew he wasn't nice, but I never thought he had such a disgusting side...

- “Mmh... You see, I deal with clients all day long and I noticed that there are three different types. First one is the nice ones. The ones who come enjoy a drink or two and then go. Then, there are the annoying ones. They take a few drinks and start talking very loudly and getting a little bit out of line but it's still correct in a way. Finally, there are the ones that get to another level which is disrespect and being rude. Unfortunately, that happens to make me angry. Sadly, you're there right now. So I suggest you turn around and walk away while you can.” Replies politely and professionally, Phil, trying not to lose his cool despite the anger rising more and more. I know it. I see it. Just by the sight of the vein popping in his neck and the way he firmly closes his fists… His knuckles look so white...

- “Are you threatening me, boy?” questions, my boss, trying to play tough despite the fact that he struggles to stay still on his two feet.

- “No, It's just a "friendly" advice from one boss to another. Be smart. Take it. Turn around and walk away.” He tells him seriously, trying to make the man go away before it goes too far. I just hope he isn’t as stubborn as he is when he is sober… I stare at them from inside the bar, frowning with concern. This situation makes me so nervous. My boss is clearly unpleased by Phil’s words. Suddenly, the man starts screaming and draws his bottle towards Phil. Oh! The owner of the bar dodges the hit in time and pushes my boss against the wall behind him. The man is face first, kept pushed against the wall. “If you don't leave right now, I'll call the police! Want to think again?” Warns seriously and firmly, Phil, frowning with anger. Though, I can tell he is struggling to keep his anger in him. I have rarely seen Phil this mad… Honestly, it’s scary. Suddenly, my boss makes a rough move backward, his bottle hitting Phil’s ribcage. Oh! I gasp as I saw Phil bending over. My boss turns around and tries to hit Phil in the face with the bottle. Well, he isn’t as drunk as I thought… Phil steps back in time before punching him in the face. I gasp in surprise. I never saw Phil fighting before. My boss lands flat on his belly, the bottle rolling on the sidewalk. Though, he comes back up, helping himself with the wall. I can’t just watch them fight like this… I can’t watch Phil getting hurt because of me… My boss grabs Phil by the collar and pulls him before pushing him against the wall. He still has a certain strength... Though, Phil instantly pushes him back. I can’t...

- “Stop it! Now!” I scream after rapidly stepping out of the bar. I come in between the two men and separate them, forgetting what my boss could actually do. I push the drunk man away from Phil, making him stumble backwards before he catches himself on a car. Meanwhile, I place my hands on Phil’s chest as I felt him going for him. Hell no…! Enough! “Phil. Ph... Phil!” I call the boy as he tries to walk past me to get to the man. He's not angry, he's raging. Though, when I called him, imploring for him to look down at me, he stopped. His eyes met mines and softness instantly drowned them. “Stop, please. Don't enter his game.” I plead him seriously as I weakly nod.

- “I'm not letting that pig talk about you or treat you that way!” He replies with anger, looking back with dark eyes at the drunk man standing behind me. Phil takes a step forward, but again, I stop him, getting before him as I keep my hands on his chest.

- “Phil, look at me. Look at me!” I tell him seriously as I bring one hand to his cheek. Why am I doing this? Why does this feel so… Normal and right? Just with my hand on his cheek, I can feel how much the anger is boiling inside of him. I force him to look down at me. “Calm down, please.” I demand him softly, our eyes connecting a second time. The man stares at me displeased for a moment before letting a sigh out. Please, don’t do it… I didn’t notice, but I’m actually running my thumb on his cheek, as if the hope of him to calm him down will be by this simple gesture.

- “Are you going to make out now? Because I'd rather live the show than to watch it.” Comments, my boss. Gross… Disgusting… Repulsive… I slowly turn around to face the man as I stay before Phil. He is smirking as he looks at my body up and down. I’ve never felt so bad and embarrassed before. Like… He hasn’t done anything to me, but just the way he looks at me makes me feel dirtied.

- “Well, I'm going to make it easy for you, sir. I'm done. I quit. I'll come pick up my stuff tomorrow even though it isn't much.” I tell him with seriousness while frowning madly. I have to end this. My boss stares at me with a frown, processing my words.

- “You can't quit! You're working for me!” He screams back at me, half chewing on his words. As if...

- “Yes, I can!” I scream back at him which surprises him. Yeah, he must not be used to someone replying to him or going against him... “And if that doesn't please you, it's still going to be the same. I'm done being mistreated by you and by most of your clients. And if you can't accept that, maybe the police can help you like the idea. I'm sure I have enough to say against you.” I tell him with a reminding tone, raising my voice lightly but not as loud as he talks to me and keeping that firm tone. I don’t know where this confidence comes from, but it feels… Powerful. Maybe because I know Phil is here and has my back? I don’t know… My boss stares at us two so madly before he looks away. “Oh, and by the way, you owe me at least 4.000$ of pay for all the extra hours I did. I better have them soon if you don't want this to go to justice.” I remind him seriously, pointing at him with my finger. I feel like a tea pot. Everything I've been wanting to say to him, I say them.

- “You were i'competent 'nyway. 'nable to do one thing righ'. I won't be losing much.” He replies at me with a mad tone, almost looking relieved that I’m quitting. I watch him dancing on his feet, almost tripping over his own feet.

- “Exactly, and you were bringing absolutely nothing to me so it looks like we're both winning. Me a little more.” I answer to the man, keeping my firm and mad tone against him. Without saying another word, my boss just scoffs before he turns around to leave. Oh… First time he actually backs down in front of someone… Anyway, he'll far away now. I turn around to look back at Phil, watching him holding his ribs. Oh… “Oh God, are you okay?” I demand him with a worried tone as I try to hide my guilt. It’s because of me if he is hurt...

- “Yeah... He wasn't as drunk as I thought.” Answers, Phil, looking down at me with a light frown. Though, it is not a mad frown or else, he seems more.... Worried or concerned. But relieved at the same time, weirdly… I frown sadly before I look down at his free hand.

- “Come with me.” I tell him gently while taking his hand in mine. “Let me help you” I tell him while helping him get inside. Well… I’m not sure he needs help but still, I just feel the need to help him. He literally saved me from my boss.

- "Thanks, Gorgeous”, he says as he lets me lead him back to the bar. I close the door behind Phil and let him take place on a chair. While sitting, I hear him groaning lightly before he clears his throat, as if he didn’t want me to hear him in pain. Right, I should get him some ice. I walk over to the counter and go behind it. So it should be… Here! “You even know where ice is.” He tells me with an impressed tone as he lets a small chuckle out. How does he know I looked for that? That chuckle… It’ll be my death.

- “I've watched you worked behind that bar countless times. It's not hard to guess where the stuff is.” I respond to the boy as I come back to him, holding a cloth with ice in it. “Let me…” I tell him while sitting across from him. I gently and lightly lift his shirt up just to see if it has bruised or not yet. It’s starting to get bruised... I let a guilty sigh out before pulling his shirt back down. I place the cloth over it and delicately press on it. Phil lightly winces because of the pain and the cold touching his skin as he looks away. “I'm sorry. I didn't…” I begin to apologize to the man as I avoid his eyes.

- “It's okay.” he interrupts me as I feel him looking at him. I know he is. “It's not your fault. And at least I know you won't see that dick anymore.” he says with a satisfied and relieved tone.

- “Honestly, it feels like I just threw an enormous weight off my shoulders. It feels good. Thanks to you.” I admit to the man I have been crushing on for so long as I let a small smile appear on my face. He smiles back while weakly nodding.

- “What are you going to do now?” He asks me with curiosity.

- “Look for another job.” I simply answer.

- “My offer is still on, you know?” He tells me with a reminding tone. Oh… I looked up in his eyes for the first time since I’ve been holding the cloth with the ice on his wound. His offer… Working here... “If you want to work here while you look somewhere else, I'll be glad to have you here. I know you still need to pay for your college so…” He says with his calm and deep voice. How can he be so calm so easily, especially after what just happened outside his bar? My smile grows before I actually softly laugh.

- “Your job sucks so much that you're desperate for a constant distraction?” I ask sarcastically, joking around. Phil smiles and softly laughs back to my comment.

- “What can I say, I'd like to have a beautiful woman working with me. Especially you.” he answers, which makes my cheeks burn instantly. You player… I bite my lower lip without controlling myself and look up in his eyes. They are burning with flames of… Of… Such a strong emotion… Feeling. God, I love him… And those eyes that he is giving me aren’t helping at all…

- “When can I start then?” I demand him, not really knowing how I managed to ask him this without mumbling or stuttering.

- “Monday?” he proposes to me. Huh?

- “Monday... In four days?” I ask him, frowning confused after thinking for a second.

- “You deserve a little break, Gorgeous, don't you think?” He tells me seriously and so gently. He’s just so sweet and caring… I mean, he clearly wants to show who the boss is here because it is his bar, but… His calm personality and the way he behaves most of the time just seem to hide his true self. I mean, Phil is Phil and his words are sometimes raw, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think otherwise. I nod to the boy before looking down. I feel so nervous suddenly. My heart is racing like never before and I can’t take this idiotic smile off my face. What has he done to me, seriously? Suddenly, Phil gently pushes my hand and the ice from his chest and starts to get up. What…? Where is he going? What is he going to do?

- “Wait, I…” I suddenly say, grabbing his wrist. What just took me? Why did I…? I’m such a fool. And such a nervous wreck right now. I avoid his look, staring at the floor. “There's... Hum…” I have to tell him. I can’t back down anymore. I can’t flee my own feelings either anymore.

- “Are you nervous?” He asks me with a smirk while sitting back down on the chair across from me. Oh...

- “No, I... Yeah. I'm... I'm a nervous wreck right now actually. It's just... I…” I confessed to him, sounding as if I even struggle to breath now. God, I’m such an idiot, why am I stuttering like this in front of him?

- “Am I making you this nervous, Gorgeous?” He asks me in a whisper with his deep voice while slowly getting closer to my face. Oh… I don’t move as my eyes just fall on his lips. They look so soft. My breathing gets heavier instantly. I can’t look at him… I close my eyes as I breath heavily.

- “Actually... Yes…” I admit. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes again as Phil didn’t say a word. The boy has his eyes devouring my lips as the fire in them seems to have grown. “Phil, I…” I begin to whisper, trying to find the courage to say the words.

- “Phil, what? What do you want, Gorgeous?” He asks me with the same deep and calm whisper which makes me even more nervous.

- “Phil…” I whisper his name as I lock my eyes with his. They’re just so beautiful and he is just so close to me... Phil hums with his deep voice as he lightly wets his lips. Oh my… The man gets closer and closer so slowly until his forehead connects with mine. I close my eyes, enjoying how close we are right now. I can’t explain what I feel inside right now, but it’s a total mess. There are butterflies, fireworks… It’s a crazy feeling. Phil brings his hand to my cheek which feels so soft and so right. None of us move. None of us say a word. Nothing breaks this moment. I bring my hand over his, wanting him to hold me. Then, as the two of us are plunged in a deep silence, Phil suddenly pecks my lips. He… Kissed me. His lips are just so warm and soft and the kiss is so delicate. Simple but delicate. Phil pulls away from my lips and disconnects our foreheads. Though, he keeps a really, really small distance. Our eyes connect once more but none of us say a word. There’s no need. His eyes are talking for himself. He just wants to make sure I’m okay with this… I smile with happiness as I bring my hand to his neck and pull him back in for a kiss. What’s happening to me? I don’t know. I would have never done this before. I’m too shy for that. But it just feels so right, right now. Phil answers to my kiss instantly, giving the same softness and warmth than before. It’s more passionate though… The boy grabs my hands and pulls me closer to him as he rests completely on his chair. I let him guide me and sit on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Phil holds me, one hand in my back, the other on my thigh as the kiss becomes quickly heated. Suddenly, he pulls away from the kiss but only to go down my jaw and then my neck. I close my eyes and let my head lean to the side to give him more room. This feeling is just amazing! However, Phil suddenly stops kissing me, sounding just as breathless as I am.

- “Sorry, sorry... I just... We should stop before it's too... Heated. I told you, I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do now and…” He tells me out of breath and with seriousness. I look at him, noticing that he's really not playing. Especially because he stopped before going too far. This proves one more time that he really wants to try this relationship. I smile, feeling just so lucky at this moment.

- “I love you, too.” I whisper to the boy which made him look at me with surprise. He said it so many times to me but I’ve never said it back before. I never dare. I was so scared and so shy. I lean in and give him a new soft and warm kiss before taking him into my arms and letting my head in the crook of his neck. His scent is lovely. I can tell that Phil was surprised at first, but he didn’t put long to hug me back. Jessy’s brother holds me tightly, hiding his head in my neck as well, smelling my perfume. “I love you, Phil.” I whisper one more time.

- “If I knew I needed to fight with your crappy boss to hear you say it…” He says playfully which makes me softly laugh.

- “Well, actually, I was going to tell it to you tonight, anyway. I figured... I can't deny or lie about it anymore so... And I need to live my life as well, take it in my own hands... And you did prove that you want something serious with me so…” I respond to the man sincerely. I can feel my nervousness slowly fading away as I feel more and more comfortable with him. I mean, how could you not? I was starting to pull away from the hug when Phil stopped me. Oh… The man kisses my cheek delicately before kissing my lips one more time. I smile and look at him in the eyes. “Just don't break me, Phil…” I demand him, softly whispering.

- “Oh, I won't. Trust me, Gorgeous. I've been wanting you for a while now. I did lots of things to prove to you that I love you. Things I’ve never done before. The idea of me hurting you is painful. And I think that if I ever hurt you, I'll probably have all Duskwood after me.” He replies seriously to me before chuckling playfully. I chuckle back, amused.

- “Oh, I'm not sure I know that many people but... Yeah, most likely.” I answer jokingly, entering his game. The two of us laugh one more time. His smile is just so contagious. I give him one last kiss before standing up from his lap.

- “Where are you going?” He asks me, sounding disappointed that I got up from his lap.

- “The others are going to arrive soon. I don't really want them to see me taking you for a chair.” I respond with sarcasm to the man as I walk over to the bar to sit on a stool.

- “Well, I don't mind, Gorgeous. Having you sitting on my lap is kind of... Sexy.” he says with his deep voice, looking at me up and down with a smirk. I hum as I notice how hungry he actually looks. Oh boy, he’s been waiting, hasn’t he?

- “You're a naughty little devil, you know that?” I tell him while giggling.

- “Yep, but only for you, Gorgeous.” He replies with a charming tone. I place my hand over my heart before laughing.

- “Phil!” I call him through my laugh.

- “Yes, Gorgeous?” he calls me, using the same charming tone mixed with the deepness of his voice. I laugh again as my cheeks are burning. “So, are we together, MC?” He asks me more seriously.

- “Well, no.” I answer to the boy which makes him frown, confused and disappointed. “What? Don't look at me like that. Technically, we just had a... A... Very unexpected heated moment. But you never asked me out, did you?” I remind him playfully, winking at the boy. Phil laughs to my answer, understanding where I'm getting at.

- “MC, would you like to be my girlfriend?” He asks me with seriousness, yet, having the most beautiful and charming smile over his face.

- “I don't know. Give me a good reason to say “yes”.” I answer playfully. Without waiting, Phil stands up from the chair and lifts his shirt, showing me his abs. I laugh and blush while bitting my lower lip. "Definitely getting there", I tell him as I’m actually devouring his body with my eyes. Seriously, what has he done to me? Phil chuckles as he approaches me. One of his hands goes in my back while the other one passes softly in my hair, pushing it back before placing it on my cheek.

- “You're definitely going to make me a fool for you, Gorgeous.” he whispers softly and lovingly.

- “Not my plan.” I answer playfully while smiling happily. Phil smiles back to me before he slides his hand in my back, holding me against him tightly. I feel him kissing my neck again while he runs his hand in my back. I just feel so comfortable in his arms, so protected.

- “I love you.” He tells me sincerely and with love in his voice.

- “I love you.” I repeat his words with the same tone he used while literally melting in his embrace.

I was a fool for him. He was a fool for me. I was just too shy and he was another man. A lot has changed lately in my life, but this is the best thing I could dream of.