#anyway. ignore me. im having A Fucking Time Over Here

[andromeda-collective]

i have multiple and im going to mention all of them but im starting with THIS FUCKER HERE (blade from honkai star rail) AND I HAVE A VERY STUPID REASON FOR IT

there was an minigame thing with a character named march 7th (dont ask) and there were little events you could encounter throughout it and one of them was that you had to choose between a red and blue pill (or the third option of giving a nonanswer) and since my choice didnt matter at all i went with the red pill because i know that the matrix is a transfem allegory and i also hc march as transfem but then another character made a little comment that blade would ALSO pick the red pill which completely makes sense for his character but since i was still on the transfem allegory mindset i had the thought of "wait does this make blade transfem??" so shes transfem to me now 👍

estrogen would NOT save her. not even REMOTELY. he's a suicidal immortal who physically cannot die because of a ritual his old friend-with-romantic-implications tried who he now wants dead more than anything else. hes basically possessed by evil plants that revive him every time he dies and he goes fucking feral. hes a mass murderer with a bounty of over 8 billion. nothing can save him. but transitioning might make her miserable life slightly more manageable? plus i mean.. throwing your old name away and being a new person? obviously a metaphor for being trans /j

boothill! this is slightly for shipping reasons (turning a het ship wlw for funzies) but mostly projecting my gender-nonconforming transness onto the only southern disabled character i know of. are we different kinds of southern? yes. are we different kinds of disabled? also yes. do i care? absolutely not. (also because butch southern women make the world go round)

also sampo because the idea that this fuck is a cisgender ANYTHING is laughable. this is a nonbinary transfem boymoding for shits and giggles who randomly switches to the girl voice when talking to someone JUST to fuck with them because nobody else would believe them and the person would think theyre losing it. typical masked fool stuff. gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

and then from genshin impact: zhongli. who has CANONICALLY used shapeshifting to become a woman. and has likely done so on more than one occasion. this guy is CANONICALLY GENDERFLUID WHETHER PEOPLE LIKE IT OR NOT. and you can obviously be genderfluid and transfem at the same time so why the hell not :D

most other characters i hc as transfem i dont have much of a reason for, but im gonna list them anyways cause hell yeah

argenti (hsr) - she can have a little estrogen as a treat

dr. ratio (hsr) - no reason i just think it could work

sunday (hsr) - something something religious-trauma-and-giving-into-what-you-once-believed-to-be-sinful

diluc (genshin) - fanfiction on ao3 changed my brain chemistry

kazuha (genshin) - also no reason i just think it fits

sebastian solace (a game on roblox called pressure) - im gonna be honest with you op, i just like putting this fucker in situations. and i would love to see the struggle of medically transitioning when you've been forcibly had your body and dna altered to the point of no longer being human. even ignoring for a few seconds the thought that maybe hrt wouldnt have the same effect (or any effect at all) due to the experiments, how could you will yourself to alter yourself medically in any way after the horrific trauma you've experienced? its between fucking with your already fucked up body or having the dysphoria kill you from the inside out. i am rotating her in my mind even harder now.

p.ai.nter (from same game) on the other hand? a lot simpler. make the ai with guns a girl. also just a funny idea: you know that "put eyelashes on it to make it obvious that its a girl" thing? yeah. painter doing that.

^ TELL ME SHE WOULDNT.

i would apologize for the essay but you did say i was legally required to share so this is your fault /lh

anyways i hope you enjoyed the women

If you see this post you’re legally required to tell me at least one trans woman headcanons you have for a canonically male character, I never get to see transfem headcanons like that, give me them, and for equality of my own please know estrogen could have saved Insector Haga and Dinosaur Ryuzaki I will not elaborate, also Yuya.

[snowyroads]

can we please have a snippet of whatever you’re working on right now? please 🙏🏽 i’ve been refreshing your tumblr and ao3 for weeks now. sorry i just love your work!

babes im literally so sorry!!!😖😖 I’ve been neglecting you all 😫💔💔

and don’t be sorry AT ALL i appreciate your love for my work sm!!🥹💗💗

so i’ve been working on like all my wips all at once (which i probably shouldn’t do and should just focus on one at a time but i’m crazy like that)

so below the cut imma give you all the snippets i have so far for some of my wips in hopes of holding yall over till i can get my shit together and post something 😭😭 (tho last time i went on Ao3 it was down 😔)

The Game Plan au: (it’s based off a movie btw, so if you haven’t seen it then this probably wont make any sense but it’s a bit of a slow burn one w Joe and Ja’marr so)

Ja’marr plans to spend his free day relaxing on his couch. With no football game or practice, Ja’marr has an empty schedule. The tv plays some ESPN analysts on last week's games but Ja’marr pays no mind to it. He thinks most of those analysts are full of shit anyway.

He’s close to taking a midday nap with his dog Tiger curled up next to him when he hears his doorbell ring. Confused by the unplanned guest and his doorman not telling him about a visitor, Ja’marr turns the tv off and slowly walks to his door, looking out the peephole only to see nobody there. Ja’marr throws open the door, ready to cuss the ding dong ditch-er out but he stops himself when he looks down to see a young girl.

With brown skin and dark curly hair down to her shoulders, dressed in a bright pink puffer jacket and a purple suitcase sitting beside her. Ja’marr understands why she’s here now.

“Oh, look, I don’t want any girl scout cookies.” Ja’marr apologizes and goes to close the door but the little girl sticks her hand out to stop it from closing. “Alright, look what I got,” Ja’marr pulls a hundred dollar bill from his pocket. “Here ya go.”

The little girl looks at him like he’s crazy. “I don’t want any money.” She says. Tiger barks somewhere behind him. Ja’marr watches in shock as the girl lets herself in, pushing past him and the heavy apartment door.

“You have a bulldog!” She exclaims, crouching down to pet him. “Come ‘ere boy!” His vicious attack dog runs up to her and immediately rolls over on his back, letting the little girl scratch his tummy. Traitor.

“Hey, weren’t you taught about the danger of strangers?” Ja’marr asks, confused as he follows the girl into his living room. He doesn’t know what to do with the kid, who clearly can’t take no for an answer. “Where are your parents?”

“You’re not a stranger.” The little girl finally says as she continues to look around the apartment in amazement. “This place is huge.” She says in wonder, completely ignoring his second question.

“Wait, go back. What do you mean ‘I’m not a stranger’?” Ja’marr persists. The little girl stops wandering around and stands in front of Ja’marr, giving him her full attention.

“Hi, my name is Mya Chase and I’m your daughter.” She says.

Ja’marr must be dreaming. He laughs, “Larry put you up to this, huh?” Ja’marr says and Mya scrunches her eyebrows together. “The guy downstairs at the desk. He told you to prank me.” Ja’marr laughs again but Mya just stays stoic before eventually rolling her eyes.

“She told me you would do this.” She mumbles and unzips her pink coat to grab something from a hidden pocket inside the jacket. It’s a white envelope with ‘For Ja’marr Chase’ written in bold letters. Ja’marr takes it and opens it to see a birth certificate. Ja’marr scoffs and looks back to Mya, who’s still completely serious and unbothered. “Your name is on it.” She says, shrugging.

“My name is on it…” Ja'marr chuckles and pulls the certificate all the way out and reads the bottom of the document. “Father: Ja’marr Chase.” With his signature and everything. Or well, a forged signature.

What the fuck.

“Why do you have so many pictures of yourself?” Mya asks. her hands trailing against the glass of his trophy case, leaving behind grubby little fingerprints. Ja’marr ignores the question and instead calls for backup.

Tee Higgins shows up in a matter of minutes. The first thing Ja’marr says when he walks in is “Help.” And that’s when Tee sees the little girl sitting at the kitchen island with a barbie doll in her hands.

“Oh!” Tee says in surprise and Ja’marr gives him a look of ‘I told you this was big’.

They whisper to each other at the other end of the island as Mya pays attention to her doll. The birth certificate sits idly in between them.

“I mean, that’s definitely your name on the certificate.” Tee points out.

“Thanks Tee, I didn’t notice that.” Ja’marr deadpans. He rubs at his eyes, dragging his hands down his face with a sigh. “I don’t know what to do, man.”

“Well, have you talked to Kelly yet?” Tee asks. And Ja’marr looks down at the paper with Mother: Kelly Harris written on it. He hasn’t even thought about her in the midst of everything.

“No, we haven’t talked since I went to her house to break things off and we…we—” Ja’marr suddenly remembered what happened the last time he saw Kelly. He turns to the fridge behind him, “I’m hungry, is anyone else hungry?”

“Ja’marr, when did this ‘We’ happen?” Tee questions.

“Like, eight or so years ago.” Ja’marr whispers back and Tee turns to Mya.

“How old are you, kid?” Tee asks.

“Eight.” She says simply, Tee turns back to Ja’marr.

“Congratulations, Ja’marr.” He says with a grin. Tiger barks in the background. Ja’marr feels like they’re both laughing at him.

“This can’t be happening.” Ja’marr sighs. He can’t have a kid. Not with the Championship right around the corner.

(so as you can see Joe hasn’t even been introduced yet so that one’s gonna be a long one)

Pro Bowl angst: (this came to me after watching all the clips we got of Joemarr during the Pro Bowl and i wanted to write almost like a character study of Ja’marr’s thoughts throughout the events and shit)

Ja’marr’s excited about the Pro Bowl games. Really. He enjoyed going last year and despite being upset about not being in the Superbowl, he’s ready for the fun-natured competition.

The hot Orlando sun beats down on his back, he feels sweat bead down the side of his face. After a week in the cold Paris weather, Ja’marr relishes in the humid air.

The world around him is dark and orange, the sunglasses propped up on his nose allows him to glance around without being too noticeable. They’re outside of the stadium, getting ready to take some team photos; fans and camera crews standing all around them. Ja’marr meets a few fans, signs a few jerseys and footballs, and does some interviews for the media. It isn’t until he’s set free does he spot Joe.

Wearing the same red shirt Ja’marr has on, only difference being the number and the name on the back, Joe squats down to talk to a little kid with a football that’s almost as big as him in his hands. It’s now that Ja’marr’s thankful for the glasses hiding his stare. Ja’marr watches as Joe intently listens to the kid in front of him, nodding every now and then, blue eyes squinting from the harsh sunlight.

(that’s literally all i have so far😖😖����)

sorry once again that i haven’t posted in forever tho!!! :( it’s literally like just a whole brick has hit me and i can’t get inspired to write cuz i do have time to now but i can’t get my fingers to type 😭😭😭

soon my lovelies, soon 💗💗💗

[villalunae]

*grabs david lynch* do you know what you have fucking done to me

[pepperpixel]

Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god

[cloudysarts]

this show would be good if literally everything about it was different

[xxplastic-cubexx]

what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]

a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious

i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me

as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy

[kkoct-ik]

the lesser known did symptom of not knowing anything about your life because not only do you not remember anything (and the memories you Do have are heavily fragmented so you have no idea when they occured), but you also consistently destroy all traces of yourself during dissociative episodes. rip every diary ive tried to keep and almost every social media account. i will never know what i got up to or who i was during those years

i have a spreadsheet i use for documenting memories that turn up before i can forget them again. where i also do my best to estimate what year or season or month they came from. but its all just such a mess. even 2021 onwards which are supposed to be my therapy years are very very patchy. i wish i could just know my life

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[narwhalandchill]

not a comment on a r/fatuiHQ meme of all things making me finally notice that childe activating FL all the way back in the golden house cutscene actually summons those black hole/collapsing star imagery things (looking Exactly like the narwhal boss drop at a specific frame too) behind him if u look at it closely at the right frame😭😭😭

(peak subreddit btw.)

i mean its not Completely new for a motif his teleporting in the 4.2 opera cutscene is a much more clear example of the same exact visual effect but. Dang i never slowed the 1.1 cutscene down enough to see it for myself there before

what a cool detail and reccurring motif there! now let me lose my mind and credibility for a bit Thanks

(actual nonsense warning lmao its just cool black hole sfx but gone downhill)

(a Completely unrelated compilation here Surely. yes the narwhals spout attack thingy is less Obviously the same visual but its a pretty picture of my beloved. sue me. also its close enough 2 me)

anyway isnt it Curious how all these effects are ummmm black holes. like there are stars visibly collapsing here uwu. and black holes are. Collapsed dead stars. wouldnt it be funny if the narwhal boss drop archive entry somehow directly implies that the eye of maelstrom (a black hole) could simply be the echo of its prey. Which are. Yaknow. sometimes stars. for a cosmic whale. so an echo of its prey is an echo of a dead star. crazy ik. if anything like that existed i mean

oh JEEPERS. next thing youll tell me stars are archons forbid often used as a sort of allegory and very prevalent reference to some sort of an important category of people. like a descender or something. crazy ik (2: Electric boogaloo)

WHAT!!!! (and like 4 billion other examples i couldnt bother to gather and sc sorry)

and like. sure sure lets not get too crazy we need to remember skirks usage of this same power as well thats a good point. i should remain skeptical of my own insanity thats very true. we all get a sticker for responsible behavior UwU

so she indeed turned the narwhal into a black hole there yes. She Did That. so maybe its just the power from beyond thing. its void power its quantum but genshin. the black hole/collapsing star stuff is all surtalogis power okay lets consider that for arguments sake. well i guess that means its just surtalogis brand of transcendent abyss power and not about black holes slash dead stars that may or may not be dead descenders. thats fine

Whew i guess thats it then we solved it guys. okay i can accept that. its abyss power because surtalogi things and childe and the narwhal displaying it is all because of surtalogis plots and teachings and powers. something like that

and even if that may be a bit anticlimactic of a conclusion for a narwhalpilled truther like myself (with a penchant towards Theres Some Descender Shit Going On With Ajax antics as well) at the very least its good that there isnt any datamined book series in which some particularly pygmy-esque individuals Strangely fitting of our current descriptions and knowledge of of dain + the sinners band together to merk some guy from beyond teyvat with special powers that may or may not be the irminsul-proofed historical account of a particular descenders death so nothing like THAT can throw a wrench into our very confirmed conclusion of surtalogis power and by extension childe and maybe even the narwhals black hole motifs just being basic abyss element power that has absolutely Nothing to do with any descenders or... dead stars? yeah its a good thing nothing like that exists .

OH SH----

[kuiinncedes]

akdbdndjshdf

[izzy-b-hands]

finally broke into one of my new syringes (still have some old ones, but figured hey i should try them for this shot)

Tw for bitching abt medical shit/my injs below the cut

and i just. why is my doc intentionally making this harder. I ask for 3ml syringes bc it's what im used to and know how to draw up. She agreed to that, so i never checked my new ones bc why should i? she listened, she sent in for 3mls, right?

NOPE. fucking 1 ml which means figuring out the draw up has required online searching to make sure it's right, and bonus! everything I've found doesn't recommend it for T bc it's such a slow inj to begin with, and 'many feel it takes longer to inject in smaller syringes designed mainly for IV use, which lessens compliance with injection schedules in some'

And i hate how it looks. it looks like so much more, and i know that's stupid bc it isn't, it's the same amount as usual, but the sight of it is v much involved in me getting my injs done with my fear of needles. I know, again, I KNOW planned parenthood is dealing with not enough funding, hands on staff, etc, but does that really prevent you from listening to your patient and trying to help them with shit like this? bc i don't think it should. I'm still forever grateful they've been helping me keep my T going until I find a primary care doc, but at the same time...what the fuck? I said this would be an issue, and i need to stay with my usual supplies. If that was an issue for them, i was willing to buy syringes myself from the medical gear shop I've used for extra supplies before (that will ship out here, I've checked.) Why won't she just fucking. listen, and talk to me? if all she could do was 1 ml syringes, fine, BUT FUCKING TELL ME THAT BEFORE SO I CAN JUST BUY MY OWN

Like. I will get this done. ill use these crap syringes up bc I refuse to waste them.

But now I'm overly nervous and worried im gonna fuck it up with the new syringe, or that it will hurt more or take even longer to inject than usual, so my hands are too shaky to do it! im already a day late with it, and I'd bet ten bucks I wont be able to calm myself enough to do it until tomorrow. Yes, this is also autism bs of needing things the same but like. I've had to do a lot of adjusting since last year, and have made efforts to accept changes and sporadic things. it's been hard as fuck, but I've fucking done it. so why can't i have one fucking thing like this stay the same? just my inj supplies, that's it! I'll accept and deal with other changes but for fuck's sake, she KNOWS I'm nervous abt fucking up my injections (bc i always want them to go well so i get as much med in me as i can, with minimal tracking out after it), why the fuck wouldn't she at least tell me if she was limited in syringes/what she can rx?

Why don't docs listen when i talk, and why won't they just talk and be honest with me like a fucking adult. is that honestly so fucking difficult?

Apparently so 🙃

[eldritchqueerture]

imagine being martin during their season 1 heart to heart tho. you're stuck in a sealed room with your annoying ass injured boss and NOT ONLY have you just found out that he had been pretending not to believe in the supernatural because he's scared (just like you are) (is that cute? kinda??) (hold on, jon? cute? blackwood Stop. Do Not.), he literally thought you're a ghost because of a figure of speech you used

hilarious

[aworldofendlesswonder]

ouagh menty illness hours

[phagodyke]

potential new symptom unlocked... 😐

[orcelito]

Oh yeah so for my UX design class. Our final project is creating some sort of app that links to a wearable fitness device. Like a fitbit. And my group's doing a lil tamagotchi thing, whatever. It's kind of dumb but this class is kind of dumb anyways. I suck it up and do it regardless so that I can graduate.

Anyways so we actually only came up with this idea on Monday lol. Barely done any work on it. But the guy in our group got a fuck ton of interviews yesterday for it, and thank GOD he did bc GUESS WHAT!!! The "check-in" that we had today that was Supposed to be the TA walking around to talk to groups ended up beinggggg INFORMAL PRESENTATIONS!!!!!!!! And no one was fucking ready for it bc on Monday she'd asked for us to choose between presentations or individual discussions and we chose individual discussions. But I guess she decided to do presentations after all.

And well ok so I have a habit of being a little late to this class every day. It's a 3 hour studio and so long as u get there within 15 mins they're chill about it. And today was extra sucky cause I got RAINED ON like pretty hard. Cold ass rain. My jeans were soaked. And well that sucked pretty hard.

But I walked in to find that they were doing PRESENTATIONS and I was like Aw Fuck. And see the thing is, 2 of my groupmates in that class are always *very* late. Like half an hour to an hour late, if they even show up at all. So I couldn't count on them. And my remaining groupmate is the quiet type, so I couldn't count on her either.

So I was like. Aw, fuck. It's up to me.

Sat there in the 5 or 10 mins I had while other groups were presenting to review the interview results from yesterday (I hadn't even looked at them yet 😭😭😭) and then I fuckin gave an informal presentation on the fly about our project that we Totally didn't start working on only 2 days ago (lol). And the thing is. Somehow???? We had the most work done out of the class?????? Most of them hadn't even done interviews yet 😭😭😭😭 like this is due on the 2nd and next week is Thanksgiving break 😭😭😭😭 there is NOT much time left!!!!!!!

But yeah I was riding that high of carrying that presentation for us. I'm so Fucking good at bullshitting.

[snekdood]

idc if ppl think im problematic i just want it to be for the actual real reasons i am