#anyway this post is inspired by the leaks seeming to confirm that there is no battle tower at all in gen 9

[vairiance]

I really think Pokemon should go back to 2D. Not even necessarily like HD 2D or whatever like Octopath Traveler (although that'd be cool I guess), but just what they had going in Gen 4/5, but polished up to modern tech standards.

So much charm was lost in the shift to 3D (not without benefit, of course, but still), and it brought a whole host of space issues, all in the name of making Pokemon look less appealing and having awkward movements. Like, compare these images of Hippowdon:

Leftmost is Gen 5, middle is modern, and rightmost is the (leaked) sprite from S/V.

Gen 5's is awesome! Grainy, obviously, by design, but otherwise it's super cool. You see a fierce looking hippo, posed threateningly, spewing sand to demonstrate its signature mechanic. Perfect.

Modern Hippowdon makes me sad. It's still kind of grainy (beyond what the resolution change of this image did to it), and it just looks like me on a Monday morning. You'd have no idea that this thing shoots sand, and you'd only get to see it look cool for a fraction of a second when it attacks, sometimes.

Then there's S/V Hippowdon. It's just a menu sprite icon, but look how clean it looks compared to modern Hippowdon! Imagine the Gen 5 Hippowdon pose, with the SV Hippowdon style. That'd be ideal for me I think.

3D has its benefits for sure, obviously, but I think 3D should be saved for spinoffs where a smaller scale can be enforced, and thus more care can be put into what is in the game. Comparing the 3D animations of Pokemon Colosseum/XD and what we have now proves this; in the Orre games, the Pokemon really feel alive, because they move in a way natural to what you'd expect, whereas in the modern era, everyone stands there idly and twitches once in a while to attack or get hit.

Move animations suffer as well. Let's compare the animation of Earthquake, a move that's supposed to be a terrifying massive quake of the earth. Here's how it's depicted in Gen 4:

Pretty cool, right? The magnitude of the quake is shown by literally everything shaking violently, with some dramatic flashes and rock effects. Not bad. But this could really benefit from 3D, let's take a look at how a powerful explosion of the earth is shown with the cutting edge graphics of Gen 8:

It is what would be considered a god awful green screen effect if seen in a movie.

Sure, but how much better could a 3D Earthquake animation be? Well, let's turn to the love of my life, Pokemon XD, to see how it's done:

Look, maybe you disagree with my assessment of these images, and that's fine. But I strongly encourage you to go back and play, say, Emerald, or Platinum, or what have you, if you haven't recently. You'll be able to palpably feel the difference between it and the newer games, and the visuals are just the surface of this. They're just what tends to come to mind whenever I think about it.

Idk I just miss when Pokemon games were delivered as strong single player games with multiplayer capabilities meant to last a decent while and then be put down, and returned to in a few years when you're feeling wistful, as opposed to increasingly lightweight multiplayer focused games with increasingly less single player endgame content so that they can push subscriptions of the god awful online pass

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

My likely plans for The Mask Rebirth Part 3

This is something I told Kaijuguy earlier that I’m gonna write this. But I’m not gonna make it yet. Because I’m still wondering about it. And also on Thursday, me and my family are gonna go to Universal Studios. And we’ll be back on Saturday. I will likely have my phone. But I may not post a lot or...it depends.

Part 3 is something I’ve really wondered about. Including having some inspiration from, “The Hunt For Green October”. But instead of shoving Ray Tuttle and his daughter’s story into this. I’ve decided that...may be part 4. So those jokes I said to Kaijuguy are likely gonna be a thing.

Anyway, I strangely want to make this seem like a leaked plot details thing before a movie comes out. You know that kind of shit right? I think I just want a reaction of how people may feel towards it. Before I officially make the thing.

Including I just wanna mention what I did with part 2. It strangely felt like an adult extended The Mask Animated Series episode in a sense...that was something I had thought long ago...but let’s get to the point. Of what the direction for this story was.

I have said characters like Owen Big Head, Stanley Big Head Killer, Davida Steelmine, Walter, and Pretorius are involved with this. And I may just reveal the secret behind Pretorius that I have kept secret. If I want to go through with it.

The story may take 6 months after part 2. With Edge City in a much better position after crime has seriously lowered down. And I’ve been thinking part 1 takes place in January. Part 2 takes place in June. And finally, part 3 takes place in December. So in a year, Owen has had the Mask Of Loki for nearly a year.

With Edge City actually being in a more peaceful state. But this doesn’t take place during Christmas. It’s before it. Owen’s mother, Anna, decides to take her son and their roommate Tina on possibly a two week vacation. With Leonor joining them. With the vacation taking place in either Finland or Sweden. Very likely Finland. Despite knowing he needs a much needed vacation. He brings the Mask Of Loki in case. Practically bring Loki along as well.

But during those 6 months. Stanley was thought to be dead after his body wasn’t found. But in fact, he had survived and tried to start a new life with a new name in Edge City. Mainly due to the possibility the police and Big Head may try to look for him. Stanley is more anti social and angry at life. Keeping to himself, like a hermit. Until an unknown man gives him a mysterious gift. A green mask of sorts. 

Having kept his memory of wearing the Mask Of Jormungandr. But weary of Davida’s deception of him. He accepts the strange gift.

During this as well, after 6 months of being in prison and everyone against her. Vicky Pratt, mostly known as Davida Steelmine has escaped prison. With a new goal of exacting vengeance upon Owen Heffernan. But first going to the young man’s house, sneaking in, and taking the Mask Of Hel. And finding out he’s in Finland. She wants to start a new life. But she’s angered by having been exposed for who she is. She wants payback first.

Back to Stanley, when he wears the mask. He turns into what appears to be Big Head. But looking different. But to Stanley, this is the greatest thing ever. And possibly better than being Serpent Man. He embraces the terrible nature of the mask starts using his newfound powers by killing the Butcher gang first. Which had beat him up much earlier. And while I question if I wanna make Stanley’s rampage one night or two. 

Compared to Owen’s first outing as Big Head. Which was mainly fun mischief. Stanley goes on a killing spree against people that have wrong him in anyway. Even such as the car mechanics, a man who owned him 60 bucks. Which also results in him killing many police officers trying to stop him.

But there’s a goal in mind that Stanley has. To find Vicky/Davida, Tina, and finally Big Head himself. The goal to finally kill all three. The ones that hurt him the most. 

Yet during a situation where it’s only Kellaway and Stanley. Kellaway is confused and horrified by what seems to be Owen going on a random savage rampage. He tries to talk to him and calm him down. Asking him if something is wrong, instead of getting angry at him. But to Kellaway’s shock, Big Head tells him, “Who the Hell is Owen!?” And asking why is Kellaway calling him that and maybe Stanley revealing who he is, likely not. Which results in both realizing two different things.

Kellaway realizing, horrified, but strangely relieved that this Big Head isn’t Owen. And to Stanley, he’s shocked and remembers Owen Heffernan, he puts it together. Realizing Owen is very likely Big Head. 

After escaping the police, and going to a place where he could hide. Stanley is met Walter, and the two fight. But the same man who gave Stanley the mask tells Walter to stop fighting him. Revealing Walter is with this unknown man. He reveals himself to be Septimius Pretorius. A very secretive man that the crime lords of Edge City would send traitors or anyone they hated to be tortured. But due to his secretive nature, and no one exactly knowing who he is. Most people didn’t like talking about him. As some gangsters would tell others stories about Pretorius to scare them. Along with Dorian when he was alive having met Pretorius in person before, and praising his work.

I’d like to admit, I got this idea form @kaijuguy19 I tried to remember. So thank him. On the part where I talk about Pretorius and Walter being strangely friends in a way.

And the biggest thing that made people strangely afraid of Pretorius. Despite he never made an attempt to be a crime lord. He was the one who made Walter who he is. While Walter was strong and huge already. He met Pretorius earlier in life, and Septimius has told others he merely improved Walter. 

He reveals he created that duplicate mask for Stanley personally. To help him achieve his revenge and give him want he wanted. Despite Stanley’s hesitation to trust someone again. He gains Stanley’s trust by telling him that Vicky/Davida and Tina/Kathy are in Finland. But also telling Stanley what he has been wondering. Confirming that Owen Heffernan was his hero, Big Head. Who is in Finland as well with Tina too.

While not considering Pretorius or Walter as new friends. Stanley joins them, with Pretorius giving them a private plane ride to Finland.

Back to Kellaway, who tells Lionel that this Big Head isn’t Owen. And he believes him because of how radically different this Big Head dresses and sounds. The two go to Owen’s house. But realizing Davida has snuck in and stole her old mask. What horrifies the two more is the catch that she’s gonna be possibly going to Finland as well. 

Wanting to confront the Owen himself instead of calling him. They take a plane ride to Finland. With possibly trying to come up with a reason why the Big Head Killer is going there. But also maybe Davida. I’m not sure about this. And I may change this. Such as trying to call them. But they don’t have their phone numbers.

So in this case.

In Finland. Owen as Big Head and others are gonna have to face off Davida Steelmine who wants revenge. Walter, who wants payback as well. But also Stanley as a new Big Head, who desires the same thing. But against Davida and Owen. With Pretorius in the background.

In what is said to be the happiest country in the world....holy shit.

Now Pretorius. This was this the idea I felt was crazy. So I’ll just reveal it. The idea that Pretorius was one of the survivors of Ragnarok. And was responsible for killing Sigyn. The wife of Loki, and the one keeping Ragnarok at bay. With Sigyn’s killer never found, her death was the final kick in Loki’s becoming ultimately evil. Presuming the gods had killed her. Thinking the gods want Ragnarok to happen. And becoming more nihilistic, resulting his fate within the mask.

Along with the other idea combined with that Pretorius was one of the survivors who had imprisoned Hel into her own mask. But also being the one who had come up with the idea to imprison Loki and his family that they felt caused Ragnarok. But due to this, his existence was ultimately covered up by the survivors of Ragnarok. And he didn’t mind that. Not a god, but merely someone able to use magic in a similar fashion like science.

Having lived throughout history with humanity for so long. He came to Edge City because of it’s horrible nature with crime. And one of the only people who seems to have developed a sort of friendship with Walter. Mainly both respecting each other for their talents. But also Walter respecting Pretorius for making him stronger than before.

Having believed the masks have been lost to time. Until Big Head showed up. He was curious, yet confused. But when Dorian had become a giant werewolf in a way. He started to wonder if humans have finally found the masks. His suspicions were confirmed when it was revealed Davida Steelmine and Stanley Ipkiss had been using the mask of Hel and Jormugandr. But also even learning the Mask Of Loki before all this, was found in Africa before. Yet it was stolen and never found again. With smaller stories of an similar Big Head like figure causing mischief. But he suddenly disappeared.

Having kept in the shadows, trying to figure out who was really Big Head. And why wasn’t the wearer gone insane. He eventually found out, but didn’t act on anything. But what he had learn is that Stanley Ipkiss to him, should’ve been the one that found the mask and not Owen. Believing the young man had tainted the mask, and possibly changed Loki.

After 6 months, trying to create what he felt was a better mask. Using whatever magic he had left. With the inclusion of voodoo involved. The Death Mask, a duplicate of Loki’s mask and soul.

I think I’ve said enough...hope you folks like this. Mainly you Kaijuguy lol.

[cyn-00]

This is called "it's 8am and I've been awake since 5 and this idea popped into my head but it's not plot-ful enough to write an actual fic out if it"

Or: Moreid fluffy/snuggly/sleepy conversation about Boyband Hair™ bc we were robbed. This is a tribute to it. Vaguely inspired by 5x22 "The internet is forever", when indeed Hotch makes his iconic comment about Reid's haircut. EDIT: I decided in the end to post it on my AO3 too bc 1) I like the idea of having a platform where to keep all my works organized and 2) if u ever wanna re-read it it's easier to find :3

-------------

Morgan's hand sneaked up to settle in his boyfriend's hair, a gesture that had become second nature to the man as much as responding to it with a content purr had become second nature to the genius.

He chuckled fondly and squeezed Spencer's weary frame even more into his arms, shifting to get more comfortable in their lying position on the Doctor's couch.

He relished in their first actual few minutes of real quiet after having managed to wrap up yet another loud, messy, challenging case; tenderly scraping the man's scalp with his fingertips.

When Spencer had popped up in the conference room that morning along with that new haircut of his, Derek's instant reaction had been a seemingly uncontainable jaw drop at the very least, if not a flat out hopefully-not-drooling-on-the-floor kind of situation. Right off the bat he hadn't thought about how he would no longer be able to braid his hair and twirl his fingers around the curls and see the genius sigh annoyedly and give in to pulling it up in a messy half-bun. He didn't mind anyway though. Spencer was gorgeous, how dare he complain.

"So uh...boyband? " he teased.

Reid's giggle came in a hitched puff of warm air tickling the man's throat.

"Stop." he attempted at biting back. It came off adorable, just as expected. Which usually made him even more flustered which in turn made him even more adorable. A virtuous cycle, if you will, to Morgan's eyes - Boy Wonder would disagree.

"Mmh I don't know baby it doesn't really fit you, if you ask me..." Derek joked further, chasing that very virtuous cycle that every time made his heart swell with reverence and disarming affection for the boy snuggled in his arms.

Spencer playfully kicked his calf with a stripy sock-cladded foot. "I said stop!"

The man's chest only thrummed more eagerly with chuckles at the reaction, as he gave in the impulse to tilt his head down and place a kiss on his boy's forehead, covered in a layer of soft hazelnut bangs he wasn't used to.

"C'mon. You know I'm joking." he reassured; Spencer raised his face - until then tucked under his chin - to meet Derek's kind eyes the second the man dropped that little game of his.

"I know." Reid nodded his understanding, the corner of his lips quirking up in a small grin. "And anyway, doesn't sound to me like an insult or anything." he shrugged.

The other's brows shot up. "You got that one right."

Derek cradled the genius' cheek with a hand, preventing him from shying away from what he was going to say. "You do look extremely pretty."

A glimmer sparked up in Spencer's eyes at the compliment, biting his inner-cheek but determined to not avert his gaze.

"...thank you" he replied bashfully; seemingly impossible for the wholesome genius to be unpolite even if there's no need to thank someone for merely speaking the truth.

After keeping up with the man's stare a while longer, Spencer's muzzle couldn't help but reclaim his previous warm spot under Derek's chin.

He laid a velvet peck on his boyfriend's Adam's apple. "That's all that matters to me, honestly."

Morgan frowned. Boy had this habit of voicing his thoughts minutes if not hours after the conversation had come to its end.

"What matters, kid?"

"...that...that you think that of me ?"

Derek ducked his head to bury his lips in Spencer's cloud of brunette strands.

"That I think you're pretty? That what you're saying?" he asked; questions coming out in a half-mumble due to the dampening effect of the genius' mop of hair.

"Yeah." the other simply confirmed, tying his arms tighter around the older man's torso.

"I- I mean... I'm not saying that I cut my hair for you, I mean that at the end of the day I just care that YOU think I'm...pretty."

Derek's already molten heart leaked out of his body. "Spencer... you are my Pretty Boy. Always. Got that?"

To someone external it might've seemed shallow to spend time discussing about whether Morgan thought he was pretty or not. To the couple it wasn't, though, because that last exchange of theirs held a bigger, unspoken value to it, unanimously acknowledged by them both. Claiming Reid was his pretty boy was only the very tip of the iceberg of a meaning way deeper, hinted at through a light-hearted, sleepy conversation.

If Derek hadn't known the man like the palm of his hand, he wouldn't have been willing to bet that he was smiling ear-to-ear. But he did know him like the palm of his hand, and he could also feel that smile hovering millimeters away from his skin.

Spencer nodded vehemently. "Got it. Your Pretty Boy."

[tired-college-student-writing]

Tim’s Secret Weapon Pt.6

I’ve been slightly obsessed with @ozmav​ ‘s Damian Wayne/Marinette Dupain-Cheng pairing as of late, and just saw a post that has inspired me more than anything else has in months, so I felt the need to write it

Summary- Tim has always seen the numbers floating above people’s heads, been able to perceive their threat levels with a single glance. After being a hero for so long he thought he was desensitized to seeing high numbers above people’s heads until Damian brings a new friend home.

Part 1 Part 5 Part 6 (HERE) Part 7 ____________________________________________

“I’ll go find her,” Tim offered, rubbing a hand over his eyes. 

“I should go,” Damian argued, only for Timto waved him off as he grabbed his costume from the wardrobe. 

“You look like you just faced Sweet tooth,” He shot back as he pulled off his top. They were used to changing in front of each other by now and he was already wearing his bike shorts under his outfit, “I’m going because I can explain how better then all of you even if I can’t track her number like I would normally.” 

“He’s got you there brat,” Jason huffed, “Though taking backup isn’t exactly the worst idea, replacement.” 

“I can go,” Dick yawned, rolling to his feet as Tim finished pulling on his costume, “Better me then letting Jay get arrested for his guns.” 

“I didn’t even bring them!” 

____________________________________________

Red Robin was trying desperately to not to laugh as he jumped onto the rooftop. 

He and Dick had split up soon after leaving the hotel, remaining in contact with the others through comms. Only after a few short minutes, Tim flew back towards the direction Dick had gone after hearing his eldest brother let out a startled yelp before the unmistakable sound of the comm flying out of his ear. 

The girl with a foot on top of Dick’s back was in a black suit, dark yellow boots and gloves cutting off in sharp points at her knees and elbows, yellow strips cutting around her legs and waist, a top hanging off of a rope she had wrapped around Nightwing’s arms and torso, while translucent wings fluttered on her back. Her yellow and black hair was french braid over her right shoulder, the sharp black tip curved forward with a bee comb placed firmly at her scalp. Her eyes covered by a dark visor that reflected the light to show the compound eye design. 

Even with her number gone with the magical transformation, Tim couldn’t help but feel like she looked familiar. 

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” She questioned, voice slow and regal. 

“Well, I’m Red Robin,” Tim greeted, trying to ignore the laughter from Jason and Damian in his ear, “And under your foot is Nightwing who is never going to live this down.” 

“Gotham’s heroes?” She questioned, unwrapping Nightwing with a snap of her wrist allowing him to rise, “What on earth did you get all the way to Paris?” 

Tim shrugged, “We’re trying to speak to Ladybug, the League had been ignorant of the situation here until recently and we came to offer our help, miss...” 

“Abeille,” She offered before scoffing, “The league was unaware about we were dealing with, really?” 

Nightwing gave a sheepish smile, “Well the lack of international coverage and lasting damage, anything we found online seemed faked. As soon as we Red realized that it wasn’t we set out for France.” 

Abeille gave them a considering look, “Well… while I’m not happy it took you so long to come help, better late than never I guess. I saw Ladybug out and about earlier so let me give her a call.” 

She picked up her top and it split it in half, showing off a screen and keyboard. 

“How the he-” 

She cut Tim off, “Don’t question the magic, it will just give you a migraine if you think about it too long.” 

“Abeille? I didn’t know you’d be on patrol already, usually, you don’t head out until 6,” The distinct voice of  Marinette sounded through the speaker. 

“Well I saw two masked weirdos that I didn’t know hopping around the rooftops, so I checked it out,” She answered dryly, “Lo and behold that is wasn’t an Akuma or Sentimonster,”

“What? Who are they then? Please tell me this isn’t an Owl situation again,” Marinette asked hastily. 

Abeille smirked, “well no wannabe heroes being stupid,” She told the other hero as she turned the device around to point at the two Gothamites, “But we have two real heroes that would like to meet you,” 

“Hello!” Dick greeted with a cheerful wave as Marinette’s mouth fell open.

“Nightwing and Red Robin?” She questioned, “What are you doing here?” 

“They said the League finally got a clue,” Abeille relays, “Should I send them over to the normal meeting spot?” 

“Well, yeah but we should probably-” 

Tim listened to his comm before cutting her off, “Would it be alright if the other Bats with us too? Bats, Red Hood and Robin feel like we should talk as a group?” 

Dick snickered, “Yeah Rob wanted to come originally, but he met with his girlfriend in civvies and she pumped an entire tray of eclair on him so he had to clean up.” 

Ladybug visibly paled in the screen as the pieces slide into place, “Yeah, you can all come. I’ll meet them alone in 30 minutes, Abeille. You can keep patrolling. Bug Out!” 

The screen cut off as Abeille hummed, “I can give you guys the coordinates if you give me the signal you’re working on.”

Tim raised an eyebrow, “It’s a secure channel, you-“ 

“Oh I know I shouldn’t be able to link up to it,” She cut him off with a wave of her hand, “But again magic, it can link up to anything as long as I have the necessary info and a miraculous communicator can’t be hacked, so no worries about your secrets being leaked. It’ll even wipe the memory of your signal from itself as soon as I detransform.” 

“Geez,” Dick whistled as Tim related the message to her, “Are there any drawbacks to having one of these?”

She snorted as their comma both dinged with the coordinates, “Yeah, two big one, they send out butterflies and feathers on a semi-regular basis to turn our family and friends against us,” 

“Mood,” Tim hummed thinking back to when he had to fight other heroes due to the villain of the week’s mind control. 

____________________________________________

The location they were given was for an office building across from the Louvre, no windows higher than it, and a rusted shut access door. Overall not a bad meeting spot, seeing as it would be very hard to spot them up there unless they were sitting on the edge of the building. 

The Bats were only partially hidden from view as they waited for Marinette to arrive, Damian pacing slightly. 

There was a near-silent ‘twip’ before they saw a polka-dotted yoyo wrap around one of the many antennas next to them and a frazzled looking Ladybug appeared in front of them. 

“Are you guys really…” She trailed off with a slightly panicked look on her face. 

“Yes, Habibti,” Damian confirmed lightly, “I am sorry for startling you earlier, but we thought it best to inform you that we knew now and offer our support.” 

“But how?” She questioned, seeming not at all concerned that her boyfriend was in fact a superhero from a superhero family as she buried her hands in her hair, “I mean I’ve always been careful around you to not let my powers slip, I used the horse miraculous to travel back to Paris is an Akuma came while I was in Gotham so I had an alibi if you ever questioned me, but that didn’t seem to matter since No one outside of Paris seemed to believe that there was anything happening anyways, heck even the tourists seemed to publicity stunt the mayor is running since there’s never any lasting damage-”

Damian stepped forward and wrapped her into a firm embrace, allowing her frantic breathing to slow as they all waited silently. 

“I’m Meta,” Tim spoke after she seemed mostly calm, voice a little weak as Dick places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “We know because I’m meta and as it turns out Miraculous users screw up my skills enough for me to take notice, I just recently put it together, Demon Spawn’s girlfriend and the hero of Paris.” 

Her eyes widen over Damian’s shoulder, “Is that why you avoided me when I first came over?”

The group chuckled as he blushed slightly, but he opened his mouth to start explaining what he could do and how they could offer help before a cry sounded to their right. 

Instinct pushing all of them towards the edge they rushed to see a ten-foot tall woman in a huge red ball gown, blood dripping from her hands as she screeched. Guards dressed in bright red squire outfits lined the Louvre’s courtyard. 

“Great,” Ladybug mumbled as she watched Chat taunt the being, Viperion and Abeille arriving as well, “I hate Valentine season, so many love based akumas.” 

“We should-”

“You should go back to your hotel,” Marinette cut off Bruce, causing all eyes to fly to her, “I have a team already who are starting to show up and introducing all five of you at once mid-battle will only serve as a distraction. I’ll come over after and we’ll talk, then we’ll discuss the next including a plan to introduce the permanent team, but for now, you need to stay out of the way until we figure out what to do.” 

Damian looks like he wants to protest, but Bruce simply nods. 

“It’s your city,” The patriarch, “We will defer to you, but could we stay within viewing distance of the battle? It would allow us to observe how you usually operate.” 

She bit her lip but nodded, “Stay hidden please, I really mean it when I say I don’t want any distractions, Kwami knows that they get mind-controlled enough without it.” 

She swan dived off the ledge with that, yoyo snapping out to catch her and launch her towards her teammates, Ryuko who had just arrived easily sidestepping to allow their leader to take point next to Chat Noir. 

The Gotham Heros settled onto the rooftop to watch as Tim's eyes scanned the heroes below and mentally added them into his system. 

Viperion was a mystery still, but even with the numbers he was so used to seeing missing he didn’t have a problem placing the others with what he observed earlier. 

Marinette Dupain-Cheng- Cursive Soft Pink 15, Codenamed Ladybug

Chloe Bourgeois- Delicate Canary Yellow 14, Codenamed Abeille

???- Calligraphed Burgundy 13, Codenamed- Ryuko

Adrian Agreste- Bubble lettered Neon Green 15, Codenamed Chat Noir.

____________________________________________

Taglist: @vixen-uchiha @iggy-of-fans @mewwitch @roseinbloom02 @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @mochinek0 @royalchaoticfangirl @09shell-sea09 @mystery-5-5 @derpingrainbow @aloha-posts-stuff @hauntedfreakdeputyhero @maribat-archive @blue-peach14 @kae690 @zazzlejazzle @vincentvangoose @be-happy-every-day-please @xxmadamjinxx @celestiacq @peculiarlylostdreamer @dani-ari @melicmusicmagic @themcclan @nyctamaximoff @nataladriana9 @drama-queen-supreme @miraculousbelladonna @urbanpineapplefarmer @graduatedmelon @lexysama @hecate-hallow @ki117h3dr4g0n @vinerlover @interobanginyourmom @bluefiredemon @imanerddealwith @tinybrie @clumsy-owl-4178 @shizukiryuu @whogavemeaninternet @schrodingers25 @lunar-wolf-warrior @urbanpineapplefarmer @xxmadamjinxx @crazylittlemunchkin @littleredrobinhoodlum​ @rougemme​ @dur55​ @phantommeow12 @kand-roo​ @silvergold-swirl​ @officiallyathiana​ @completelypeccable​ @redhoodsdoll​ @nataladriana9​ @mariae2900​ @northernbluetongue​ @sturchling​ @thesunanditsangel​ @reyna-avila-ramirez-alreanaldo​ @bobothyross @taoiichii​ @magnitude101999​ @magicalfirebird​ @nataladriana9​ @panda3506​ @aquariusrunes​ @woodland-queer @sayarock121​ @mindfulmagics​ @magic-miraculous​ @my-name-is-michell​

[futuresmashmemes]

In complete curiosity, can you tell me what your favorite Smash reveal trailer of all time was?

Like, actually, real shit, stuff that’s already happened in this timeline?

Nothing will ever top Smash 4’s reveal for me. I was really into Brawl as a kid, and after Brawl came out a lot of people spread the idea online that it would be the last smash game (hilarious in hindsight, I know). Me, being the dumb kid I was, took that at face value. I also wasn’t really into following leaks at the time. I was also 12, almost 13 when 4 was revealed, keep in mind. I just sort of accepted that smash was done.

I vividly remember when I first saw that reveal trailer. We were in the middle of bumfuck nowhere for my sister’s soccer game. I was sweaty, hungry, and my phone was running out of battery. I managed to convince my mom to let me stay in the car for the rest of the game, where I promptly began charging my phone and went onto YouTube to pull up some music to listen to (knowing me at the time, it probably would’ve been an Evanescence song). And there, at the top of my recommended feed, was that trailer.

It almost didn’t feel real. I was so convinced that Smash was over, I almost thought that the video would’ve been a fake. Some shitty mod or whatever. But I clicked on it anyways, because, y’know, Smash Bros! Boy am I glad I did. Instantly, I was enthralled by the idea of Smash on the go. I didn’t have a 3DS at the time, but I played on my DS like I was getting paid for every second the screen was on. Having a portable smash game was a dream come true! And when they got to the Wii U part of the trailer, I was drawn in by the visual upgrade compared to Brawl. I was a dumb kid who didn’t know anything about graphics watching this trailer in 480p on a shitty Windows phone, and even I could tell how much of a graphics upgrade it was compared to Brawl. I didn’t have a Wii U at the time either, but I was still excited.

The new characters announced were just the icing on the cake. I love Animal Crossing, but I never expected an Animal Crossing rep in smash because I read that Sakurai had previously said that Animal Crossing characters were unsuited for battle. So when that trailer opened up on a shot of the Villager opening the now iconic envelope, my hype levels instantly shot through the roof of the car. Really, I should consider myself lucky that I was watching this trailer in the middle of an empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere and not, say, on the bus ride home from school, because after that point, I was visibly freaking out throughout. I would’ve been perfectly satisfied with just Villager, but then the trailer continued. The videos online right now show these two as separate videos, but I definitely remember watching them as one big trailer.

NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHING!

Oh boy, who could it be? The gang looked up at a cliff to see a boy with distinct spiky hair.

“No. There’s no way it could be him. There’s just no way! I read online that he couldn’t get in, so it’s not him.”

Blip!

“OH MY GOD IT IS HIM HOLY SHIT IT’S MEGA MAN FUCKING MEGA MAN HOLY S H I T!”

It didn’t feel real. It felt like a dream. But I was loving every second of it. And even better, the next video in my recommended feed was the trailer for Wii Fit Trainer. What? Why? Who asked for this? I was dumbfounded, but all for it.

I think that those three characters made for the perfect holy trinity of character reveals. The anticipated first party/character Sakurai previously said no to, the third party, and the character that nobody saw coming. Smash 4’s initial reveal had it all. I probably rewatched that trailer for the rest of the soccer game. I texted all my friends about it, and they were all nearly as excited as I was. I would’ve told my mom and sister all about it when they got back in the car, but I wasn’t supposed to be using data at the time, so if they knew that I had used it to watch a silly reveal trailer over and over again, mom probably would’ve had a heart attack (this was before unlimited data was more standard). But you better believe that I exploded on about it as soon as I figured it was safe to.

Even after all these years (and all of the timelines I’ve looked into), no Smash trailer...no, more like no trailer period has ever gotten close to capturing the pure excitement that I felt when I first saw the Smash 4 trailer, and I doubt that there ever will be one. I’m a jaded adult now, and everything is more exciting through the rose-tinted glass of adolescence. The “Everyone is Here!” trailer for Ultimate came close, though. Smash 4’s development was also something of a turning point for me when I became more active in following the development of new games online. I think it was for a lot of people, I think that a lot of that can be attributed to Brawl’s success (and the Wii as a whole) at capturing a wider demographic of gamers compared to Melee and 64. Smash 4 feels almost laughable to go back and play now, but I can’t deny the impact it had on me.

As far as other individual reveal trailers go, here are my favorites:

Little Mac and Palutena-both for the same reason: THAT ART STYLE. Their trailers also convinced me to play their respective games. Uprising was one of my first 3DS games and Punch Out is the last game I remember renting from Blockbuster.

Greninja-As laughable as this sounds now, getting a new Pokémon rep was really hype for me back then. I was beginning to get into competitive, so seeing the ninja frog that had taken over the competitive scene at the time get into smash was cool, even if I was Team Fennekin. Confirmation that at least Charizard had survived the cut was also really cool.

Robin and Lucina-I didn’t know anything about Fire Emblem at the time, but Robin looked cool and I was digging the 3D anime artstyle from Awakening that the trailer was rendered in. Another trailer that convinced me to buy the game that they were from, and good god now I’m an insufferable Fire Emblem fan good lord I was so innocent back then. “Girl Marth” jokes were rampant amongst my friends. Also, CAPTAIN FALCON!!!

Lucas-Funny story, my sister absolutely despises video games with a burning, visceral passion now, but back when we played Brawl together, her mains were Lucas and Snake. You can imagine the pain and agony she felt when Smash 4 initially came out. Lucas’ DLC came out around my birthday, so her gift to me that year was a $10 eShop card. She just told me: “you know what to spend it on.”

Cloud-“Hey guys, you know what would’ve been awesome? In Brawl, if, like, they put in Cloud from Final Fantasy 7?”

Corrin-At this point I was a big Fire Emblem fan riding hot on the hype train for Fates, so I was very excited for Corrin. The dragon-inspired moveset also seemed really cool. Funny how times have changed, and when Byleth was added in I was very lukewarm compared to when my reaction to Corrin.

Inkling-Similar story to the Smash 4 reveal trailer, I was absolutely not expecting a Smash announcement that day and I saw the video was in my YouTube recommended feed while I was at my internship of all places. Unfortunately, none of the other people there were gamers (let alone Smash fans), so they couldn’t share in my hype.

Everyone is Here/Ridley-I can’t properly give this one the justice it deserves in a short amount of words and this post is already getting really long, so I’ll save this one for a later day if you guys are interested. To keep it short, let’s just say that I was very much a part of the Ridley gang and I was very happy to see him in.

Belmonts and K. Rool-I got up at 7 in the morning to watch that trailer and loved every second of it. Keep in mind that I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. The only thing that sort of spoiled it for me was that the Smash teams themselves leaked it the night before by releasing a track titled Bloody Tears/Monster Dance

Ken and Incineroar-Nothing against these two, but at the time I was crushed when I realized the Grinch leak was fake. Now I can look back on it and laugh at Little Mac getting yeeted through the billboard and Villager’s stance at the end of the trailer.

Sans Mii Costume-Pretty sure I’ve already mentioned this, but when I first saw that trailer I legit fell out of my chair laughing. I’m not even an Undertale fan, but seeing funny skeleton man on my screen just broke me. The fact that Toby went to Sakurai’s house and beat him in Smash made it even better.

Banjo-I’ve never actually played a Banjo Kazooie game before, but I’ve seen enough videos about them over the years that I almost feel like I have. They’re ingrained in my childhood due to that in a weird way. Plus, it felt so good to have a victory over the Steve fans. I felt the weight of that Jiggy that bounced on the floor.

And that’s about it! If you guys want to hear my thoughts on the Everyone is Here trailer, please let me know and I’ll do another post like this.

...Upon rereading this post for spelling errors, I realized that you probably were more asking about my favorite reveal trailers throughout multiple timelines. Oops. Let me know if that’s what you wanted and I’ll answer with my thoughts on my favorite future reveal trailers.

[myevilmouse]

In Defense of The Rise of Skywalker

Or...how I learned to stop hating and enjoy a movie

Spoilers and random thoughts below the cut.

I hate the abomination that was/is The Last Jedi.  Let’s get that out of the way.  I’ve already explained the hundreds of reasons why, the biggest and most unforgivable being the character assassination of Luke “I call him Jake” Skywalker and the invalidation of every victory of the OT.  I resent this making people lump me into a “gatekeeper” sect, or accuse me of racism (Rose was annoying and ruined Finn’s heroism, jeopardizing hundreds of lives for her own selfish reasons without building up a convincing romance and blah blah etc).  It has nothing to do with her gender, race, or anything.  It has to do with poor character development and inconsistent motivations/messages. 

I’m also not a huge fan of The Force Awakens, mainly for its lack of originality and the treatment of Han/Leia, but otherwise I thought it was OK.  I liked Finn, wanted him to become a Jedi, found Poe to be a worthy heir to our antihero mold.  Rey left me indifferent and Kylo Ren was a temper-tantrum throwing teenager, but anyway...

Let’s keep that as background/context and not get bogged down.

Since they announced the title of this movie, I have been livid with rage. How dare they use my man’s name to sell their disgusting imitation of a beloved universe?  I was certain, ever since it was announced, that Rey would take Luke’s surname, despite having treated him so horribly in TLJ, despite having done nothing to earn it, despite having spent far more time with Leia, so if anything a Solo/Organa family name would make more sense.  It was just to sell tickets and I was furious.

I read all the spoilers.  Worst fears:  confirmed.  I looked at leaked photos.  I raged over the inanity of the plot and the sad conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, which in my mind will always end with ROTJ.

Still, I love Mark Hamill, and I decided to treat this film as a MH film. The completist in me required theatrical viewing.  Rare to get our man in a cinematic release.  So I went, ready to hate watch, prepared to dull the bitterness and betrayal with wine.

But….JJ Abrams directed a fix it fic.  And it’s good.  This film not just address the real injustices and horrible story decisions of TLJ, but also addresses some of the major problems of TFA too. 

I tried to go in with an open mind, but obviously I had many preconceived notions, and already knew almost every single story point and character beat.  I was ready to roll around in my hate and slam the abomination.  I want to emphasize that I am one of those people that was COMPLETELY prepared to hate EVERYTHING about this.

There are flaws. 

But there is so much that is great. 

I really really liked it. 

No one is more shocked than I at my own reaction.  I was ready/willing/wanting/primed to hate everything about this.  Please keep that in mind.  Hahah and no one is paying me to write this post 😉

I decided to write this because I also read all the negative critical reviews online from the pro critics yelling FAN SERVICE.  And I’m like…damn straight?  Ever since George Lucas made Han shoot second, fandom has understood that we understand this franchise better than film executives.  We aren’t concerned with adding an extra dewback or improving special effects.  We love these films the way we first experienced them, and they cannot and should not be “improved” to the ultimate detriment of the brand.

I’m here to tell you that the critics are not being fair.  The spoilers on reddit were true, but the movie works. Let’s accept, before we go further, that Abrams couldn’t entirely rewrite the mess that he stepped into/helped create. So I can’t defend the fact that Finn isn’t a Jedi yet or the mess that is the new Rebellion/failure of the old. I, like many fans, wish we had been given a different/better story from the beginning.  Sadly, we were not.

That is something we don’t have to accept (I certainly don’t consider these films “canon” in my mind—Mara Jade forever!) but let’s approach this film in the spirit it seems to be intended:  An attempt to address the very valid criticisms loudly voiced about the others in the trilogy, with the caveat that we are stuck with TFA and TLJ no matter how much we hate them.

First, the music is amazing, as we all knew it would be.  The acting is stellar.

Some of the things Abrams “fixed:”

“Rey is perfect/Mary Sue/good at everything”.  There is a conscious effort in this film to show her training, with Leia as her Master.  There is a good scene foreshadowing her final struggle, where she strains to hear the voices of Jedi past and fails.  There are several signs that she is not a Jedi yet, including how Palpatine talks about her, and perhaps my favorite, when she tells Leia she hasn’t earned Luke’s lightsaber.

Me: Damn straight you haven’t.

And Leia AGREES, keeping Luke’s weapon because Rey isn’t ready for it. She’s still learning.

Further proof of her non-Jedi status, when Rey is killed, she doesn’t join the Force.  She is a corpse.  On the other hand, Ben Solo, once redeemed, disappears as we would expect a good Jedi to do.  A clear distinction between the two of them.

And speaking of Leia:

Leia’s character:  TFA and TLJ Leia is weak and sends other people to fight, whereas our brave Princess from the OT is volunteering for suicide missions, grabbing weapons from the hands of her rescuers, and running into danger for a good cause.  It always bothered me that she didn’t go after Kylo herself (or with Han).  In this, we see her as a Jedi Master, training Rey, with her own lightsaber.  Leia is once more a badass, true to her character.  A legitimate Jedi who also joins the Force (although not sure why it took her so long post-mortem, that was weird).

Luke’s character:  Hello, I am A LUKE FANATIC.  The biggest sin of TFA and especially TLJ was this idea of Luke hiding out and becoming the disgusting, pessimistic coward he was shown to be.  Abrams ignores this pretty much entirely, starting with the revelation that Luke was actually going on missions with Lando to hunt for a Sith artifact to help the Rebellion.  Luke kept notes, he was busy and ACTIVE.  He wasn’t giving up; he was leaving a trail to help anyone who followed.  The best ‘fuck you’ in the whole movie was Luke catching Anakin’s lightsaber when Rey throws it away.  The ultimate rejection of his TLJ characterization.  

Luke’s conversation with Rey echoes very much the ROTJ “you must confront Vader” conversation.  There are many echoes of ROTJ but given the restrictions on what we are working with, I accepted this parallel.  Much like Luke had to face his unfortunate inheritance, so must Rey.  It’s not terribly original, but these films aren’t.

I also loved the simple line “I was wrong” when Rey asks why he did what he did in TLJ.  This to me is simply “Rian Johnson was wrong/The Last Jedi was wrong.”  There is no excuse that is acceptable, but this is a filmmaker acknowledging an injustice, and I appreciated it.  (Did I mention these films are not canon for me? They aren’t, just giving credit for this attempt.)

Han’s character:  I hated SO MUCH how they turned Han into a failure in TFA.  A buffoon, not even a good smuggler anymore, a failure as a father, a husband.  When I heard he was going to be in this I was like HUH?  But this “memory” of his father that Kylo Ren sees after Rey heals him and departs, after he’s lost his mother, is another attempt to redeem the injustice to Han’s character.  Han is the one in the movie who brings Kylo Ren back to the Light, not Rey.  It is a very short scene, but effective.  The acting is poignant, with the “Dad” working for me.  Maybe I’m a softie.  But I appreciated this brief proof that Han Solo, in the end, didn’t suck as a father, and ultimately, even as a hallucination, inspired the love that saved his son.

Chewbacca got a medal:  I said Abrams was fixing things in the sequels, but I admit I was choked up to see this fixit from A New Hope.  Finally Chewie gets the medal he is LONG overdue.

Team dynamic with the new characters:  Finally we understand why these people care about each other.  They go on shared adventures, they have banter (and some good jokes, not the stupid bathos of TLJ), and there is finally some sense of camaraderie that was discarded in TLJ.  There are several references to Rey’s “new family,” clearly referring to this band of Rebels, and it was far more compelling than in earlier films.

Finn’s Force Sensitivity:  I, like many, desperately wanted Finn to be a Jedi.  Since TFA, it seemed inevitable!  I loved how he used the lightsaber, how he seemed to have Force abilities (that were never really explored).  TLJ ignored that potential completely, sidelining him on that stupid Canto Bight quest and pulling him away from Rey.  There are so many signs that he is destined to be a Jedi in this film, I was thrilled to see them.  Knowing things without explanation, doing amazing things, sensing things, trusting his feelings, it’s another ‘fuck you’ in my opinion, to RJ for ignoring this former stormtrooper’s destiny in favor of overblown set pieces and pointless CGI theatrics.  When he says, towards the end “I can feel it,” I wanted to fist pump.  YOU GO BE A JEDI FINN!  THE FORCE IS WITH YOU.  Personally, I would have loved for Finn to be the main protagonist of all three films, but I appreciate us getting what we got, since we can’t get what we want.

Stuff that worked:

The Wedge cameo:  Yeah.

Lando:  Wonderful. His dialogue, especially at the beginning, does a lot to fix our view of Luke.

Kylo’s redemption:  See above re: Han.  I’ve seen a lot of criticism about the kiss.  I get the whole “female character’s purpose is to validate the evolution of the male” criticism, but I want to point out a couple things about this. First of all, it’s not a “Reylo” kiss. Kylo is gone.  This is well after Kylo is redeemed.  He’s been of the Light for a while before this, it’s clearly Ben at this point.  It’s also obvious Rey knows that, and like Luke forgave Vader for his abuse, she forgives Ben Solo for his.  So I understand also the criticism that is making people puke about Rey kissing her abuser, but again, Luke sheds tears for the father he loves, who maimed and traumatized him.  Star Wars is about redemption and forgiveness that accompanies it, and I don’t have the same issue with this.  If she kissed KYLO without him being redeemed before he died, for example, I would be disgusted.  This is not that.

The cinematography/pacing/story:  So many critics and the spoilers made it sound like this was a convoluted mess.  I went to see it with a non-native English speaker and neither of us had any trouble following the plot.  Yeah, a lot happens, but it all is linear and consistent within the film.

The humor/dialogue:  Felt way more Star Wars-y and better placed than the last two films.

The Jedi Helping Rey:  As much as I thought I would hate this, it was really well done, largely, I think, due to the foreshadowing during her earlier training.  When Palpatine says all the Sith live in him and we know what she’s gonna say but it still works SO WELL.  I was rooting for her and I’ve never been a huge fan.  But at that climactic moment, I was a believer.

Major flaws

Of course there are some.  For me the most major:

A Jedi Strikes Not In Anger: In every single lightsaber battle (pretty sure, I only saw the film once), Rey is the first to strike.  She always seems to be fighting from anger and with negative emotion.  This is not at all Jedi-esque and I found it particularly jarring in her duels with Kylo Ren.  This bothered me more than almost anything else in the film because it is never addressed.  She fights ANGRY and she fights FEARFUL and then somehow when she’s supposed to strike down Palpatine, she has it in her to resist.  This, above all else, makes me not like her as the “heir to the Jedi”.  I thought it was a real problem, and makes her ultimate evolution at the finale less convincing.

Rey Skywalker:  I get why they did it, but I stand by my earlier thoughts regarding taking the Solo or Organa name.  I have nothing against adopted families.  And I found it SLIGHTLY more palpable because since the Emperor refers to Ben as “the last Skywalker” and then since he transfers his entire life force into her, you can argue that she has “Skywalker” literally in her spirit now.  OK fine.  But I still don’t really think she earned it.  She came CLOSER than I thought she would and I didn’t ultimately want to burn down the cinema as I expected I would want to.

Force Resurrection:  No. Just no.  This changes so much and makes so much of the earlier films moot. Why wouldn’t Anakin just resurrect Padme?  Don’t get me started.

Other random new Force things:  Like Force Ghosts touching shit.  Yeah I know Obi Wan sat on the tree in Dagobah, I know, but we keep learning new and more powerful Force shit each film.  Teleportation of objects (that lightsaber?!), astral projection, rapid healing, and now playing catch with your ghost friends.  I get they are important to the story but it feels lazy.  But my exception here was Luke catching the saber because FUCK YOU RJ. 😊

Redemption=Death:  I wanted Kylo Ren to die for his sins too, but I recognize this strange thing we have going on in the GFFA that if a baddie goes good they die.  It’s the equivalent of the horror movie “fuck and the killer gets you” trope.  I didn’t necessarily mind Ben dying, but it seemed … lazy.

The final shot:  It was a mistake to even touch this iconic moment.  It wasn’t earned.  Make your own legend/iconic moment and leave my farmboy his.

Something no one can fix:  The sucky destinies of Luke Jake, Han, and Leia.  They didn’t live happy lives, they didn’t see the end of tyranny, they all died with only the hope of success.  I will never forgive the attempted destruction of the legacy of the OT (attempted cause it’s still how it all ends in my world), this disregard of the triumph of the Rebellion over the Empire, and I will never believe that the New Republic failed so completely and miserably.  Bring on the EU/Legends and forget this shit.

Final thought:  I went to this expecting the cinematic equivalent of a back alley abortion and instead I got what felt like an apology.  An entertaining and polished and sincere apology.  We deserved better, and I think the people who made this film realized that and did their best.  TROS had to wrap up something that was divisive and imperfect and misguided, and tried as hard as it could, in my opinion, given what they were working with.

It was a good movie.  Ambitious, with flaws, but I am glad I saw it, and I hope you will be too. <3  May the Force be with you.

[paulieshore]

The Dynamic Duo

Thank you @anxiousdork​ for the ask/idea, thoughts keep flowing with this so I think I’m going to turn this into a five-part mini story of mystery-drama/fierce friendship/growing romance/bromance.

Warnings: none

Word count: 1593

Characters: Mc, Minor, Victor, Gavin, mention of Kiki

Brief summary: Mc is presented with an opportunity by Victor to collaborate with a well-known production company from America (Barner Wors), thinking this to be a perfect opening to show just how well she can do; she immediately takes on the job with a small hand selected group from her team. However, it seems someone is sabotaging this joint production costing a bit of money in setbacks. Without knowing who, and why, fingers and accusations start flying back and forth. Victor is then involved when production comes to a halt, considering the reputation in America, Victor seems persuaded that the fault falls to you and your team. With no evidence to claim your innocence, you find yourself in an embarrassing confrontation with your biggest investor and boss. Minor steps in to support you, and then Gavin? Not knowing how Gavin knew the situation exactly, but touched none the less when he too joined in with Minor to defend your honour as a producer against the ruthless/annoyed Victor and solve this conundrum. You bear witness to a growing bromance between hero and sidekick, Gavin and Minor. They set forth to unravel if there is more too these unfortunate events as of late, you cooperate with Gavin and allow him to really use his power of authority in and around the studio. Seeing Gavin in yet another new way you find your heart beating more and more by the mere sight of him. Minor becoming possibly more of an opponent then a friend for Gavin’s affection, only later to find out Minor’s sort of digging you!

Part One: Incompetent

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You just couldn’t quite wrap your head around the situation, none of it made sense, and even worse the most rational of people you thought for sure could help, didn’t! Victor only seemed to have looked down on you even further, “Are you so incompetent? Can you not hold down your team and manage them as a boss should do?” You honestly didn’t know how to respond, Victor seemed so sure this was all your fault.

A fort night ago he came to you and gave you an opportunity to work with Barner Wors, they were shooting some episodes in Loveland for their newly hyped tv show. Being able to collaborate with such a famous company was beyond a dream come true. Victor may be a stern boss but occasionally gave you way to really show your potential.

The first couple of days of shooting were fine, you made introductions with all crew and actors and got things started off right. After the dust had settled, things started to go downhill after a camera ‘malfunctioned’ on set during an outside shooting. The following days, numerous of insignificant things started happening, such as props you’d provided being faulty and nearly hurting the actors. The chosen areas around Loveland for shooting becoming too wet or vandalized when coming into work, you made the decision to film what scenes you could in studio thinking weather/bratty kids had a part to play. Minor and Kiki were being suspicious during one lunch break, they couldn’t help but feel as though someone was sabotaging this collaboration. Things that only staff/crew knew were leaked to the public causing a complication. On top of that gossip about Barner Wors, some of the actors and your own team seemed to be going around. You dismissed their outward thoughts and did your best to keep everyone on track and away from criticism, sometimes bad things just happen.

One late afternoon, tension seemed to have reached its peak. Minor appeared to have had enough with the supporting actress in the scene, she was messing up her lines and making subtle hints about how ‘your team’ was to blame for all the unwanted stress and misfortune. The supporting actress was the renowned Nicole Kissman, famous for her dominating Oscar winning roles in huge box offices. She was also known for her diva like attitude off screen, with a quick revise of lines before the dramatic scene, Minor encourage her to ‘break a leg’. Well, as Nicole laid on the floor weeping in the shot, one of the spotlights above came crashing down close to her leg. This was the final straw on both sides, everyone seemed eager to pass blame, leaving you no choice but to call Victor when the lead of the production halted everything due to liability. The phone call with Victor was brief and he arrived not to long after you told him one of the actresses was involved in a near miss.

Here you were now, standing in front of everyone as Victor pressured you for an answer, “WELL?!” It was rare for Victor to raise his voice, but today everyone felt the impact it truly had.

This was beyond frustrating and further more embarrassing, you wanted to scream at him, but you didn’t want to prove any truth to the gossip lingering that you couldn’t ‘handle things.’ You wanted to cry; Minor could see the tears threatening to fall whilst your face contorted with angry.

“Handle her team? Incompetent? Mc has been ‘handling’ us and their team, during this soap opera drama of its own!” Minor pointed as he stepped forward towards Victor, placing himself between you two. “I understand you’re the big boss here, but isn’t it a little premature to lay blame on her when no one seems to have any idea what’s going on?!” Minors voice was raised in the slightest, you wanted to clamp his mouth shut. As lovely as it was for him to stick up for you, Victor was of all people someone you didn’t want to be up against.

“Excuse me, and who exactly are you, executive producer? I suggest you get back to work and let the ‘bosses’ continue talking.” Victor gave Minor a quick analyse head to toe; scowling, before looking back at you.

Minor stepped sideways, obstructing his view before pressing on, “No, you were judging, passing verdict without even hearing anyone’s side!”

Fear took hold of you, worried perhaps Minor was over stepping and possibly going to get himself fired or have Victors investment revoked, you were about to pipe in. Just then, a light calming breeze swept through the studio, moving your attention to the direction it carried. Walking through the studio doors was Gavin, announcing himself as he approached face as stoic as ever.

“Afternoon, I do apologies for the intrusion. I’m Police officer Gavin, I was called in to take statements for an incident that’s occurred to rule out…”

** scanning the studio to every one present before continuing ** 

“possible criminal intent.”

 Everyone went stiff, Gavin was in full uniform, wait…

did he say he was called??? Your gaze drifted then to Minor who was gleaming with pride at his hero friend from high school walked in.

Victor then approached Gavin, “I apologise for wasting the time and efforts of our police services, may I ask exactly why you suspect such malice?” Victor as usual, cut straight to the point.

“Miss Mc, one of your notable employees, filed a concern the other day with worries and suspicion of something not quite right within her company’s environment. Now for the safety and liability of everyone here, I will have to open up an investigation.” Though he spoke calmly and affirmative, he made eye contact with you - his eyes were saying it’s alright, I’m here now.

Victor turned to you next, “You didn’t say you called the police?” eyebrow raised.

“You didn’t exactly give her a chance before chastising her.” Minors boost of confidence to talk back to Victor, made it clear to you who called and informed Gavin of the events.

You faced Victor and simply stated, “We had to do what’s right for everyone and take account their safety.” Adding *we* in there made you feel better then taking the credit for Minors quick thinking. That didn’t stop the stress you felt for everything to come, and the guilt you had for Gavin, he was always busy with his own work and now he had ‘your work’.

Gavin walked straight passed Victor not even giving him a second glance, proceeding forward, “Id like statements from every one of today’s events leading up to my involvement, please. No one is to leave until I have received statements and should I have any further questions I advise you stay until further noticed.”

“Mc, with me now! You and I will continue our discussion as the officer here starts his investigation.” Victors says dryly as he starts walking towards the exit.

“Excuse me, Sir. You cannot leave.”

Victor stopped dead in his tracks, wiping around quickly.

“Neither of you are leaving, until I have confirmed no foul play and if there is, that you, are not involved in anyway.” Gavin was quick to speak before you could follow Victor out, he spoke boldly to the scary CEO. Throwing his authority towards Victor just like Victor had previously to you, this gave you a funny sense of pulsing in your lower pelvis, and slight heat to rise to your cheeks. Seeing Gavin assert his authority to the ‘not so easily bullied’ Victor really turned you on! You shook your head from your drifting thoughts, now of all times was not the time to swoon over Gavin’s out right bravery.

Victor and Gavin stood 8 metres apart staring at each other with such coldness in their eyes… Oh boy what a soap opera this was becoming indeed…

To Be Continued.

Like, reblog and follow for future posts, if youd like to be tagged in the next part please let me know. Thank you for reading and Thank you again anxiousdork for the inspiration to write this!

Master-List for Parts

[tearsofahime]

Anyways buckle down folks this has been sitting in my head ever since I started seeing spoilers about the identities of the zodiac heroes that have been revealed in Season 3

Click below on why I think Marc Anciel will get a miraculous in season 4/5 and what I will predict it will be (Spoilers for everything up to Party Crasher and Ikari Gozen):

The first and obvious piece of evidence that would lend some form of credibility to this theory is based off of the number of confirmed (and shown) miraculouses in the show vs the number of eligible users. As of season 3, we know that there are 19 miraculouses in Paris: The Ladybug and Black Cat, The 2nd-tier Miraculouses (Bee, Fox, and Turtle as well as the Butterfly and Peacock), and the 12 Zodiac miraculouses (Rat, Ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig). Take away 2 of them (the Butterfly and Peacock as they go to Gabriel and Nathalie) and you are left with 17 miraculouses that can be given to new heroes.

As we have seen from past episodes, Ladybug tends to appoint new heroes based off of who she is close with and can trust as well as who is best fit for the task at hand. So far, the people Ladybug has appointed as heroes have all been Marinette’s friends (or her peers), and given that this is also a kid’s show designed to cater to and be relatable to kids, it would stand to reason that ALL of the new heroes would be around Marinette’s age. In addition, in “Timetagger”, Older!Alix also talks about there being a TEAM of superheroes in the future, which presents plenty of opportunity to explore the lore of the show through each Kwami and their powers and what better way to do that then to add new superheroes to the Miraculous team (plus it would be a waste to see some miraculouses be used but not all of them over the course of the show, even if some light is shed on past heroes in history).

Back to the math: There are 17 miraculouses, and 15 members of Madame Bustier’s class (including Lila), plus recurring students like Luka, Kagami, and Marc, totalling to 18 candidates for kwamis. As “Ikari Gozen” and “Party Crasher” confirmed, Kagami and Luka both get Miraculouses, leaving 15 to be distributed amongst Marinette’s peers and classmates. The Cat, Ladybug, Fox, Turtle, and Bee miraculouses were all accounted for with Adrien, Marinette, Alya, Nino and Chloe, leaving a total of ten left. Alix, Kim and Max were confirmed to be Zodiac heroes of the Rabbit, Monkey, and Horse, respectively. This leaves 7 miraculouses remaining, and 8 potential candidates.

Now this is where the theory and predictions of who will get what remaining miraculouses occurs.

If you go off of the popular fan theory that the girls of the class will each get a miraculous (Which many had used to predict Alya and Alix’s miraculous holder statuses so would hold more weight as a basis for a theory), the remaining girls in the photo, Juleka, Mylene and Rose, will each respectively get the Tiger, Rat, and Pig miraculouses. I know it’s confirmed through reference image leaks posted by Jeremy Zag that Marinette will be a temporary wielder of the Rat miraculous, but that is just that: Temporary. Marinette is Primarily the Ladybug holder and as such if given the chance (which is certain there will be), she will gladly give it to someone else who can use it to assist her in saving the day.

Many a Fan theorist will also suggest that Sabrina, due to her immense personality trait of her loyalty to Chloe, will be a shoe-in for the Dog Miraculous.

This now just leaves Ivan, Nathaniel, Lila, and Marc and the Ox, Rooster, and Goat miraculouses to be distributed amongst them.

As stated earlier, we’ve seen that Ladybug appoints new heroes based off of people she knows she can trust from her civilian life (with the exceptions of Queen Bee, which was an accident but one that served to better Chloe, and Kim, who Master Fu himself appointed, although I’m sure had he not given Kim a miraculous then Marinette would have anyway). With the matter of trust, we can ABSOLUTELY rule out Lila based on the virtue of her being a liar hell-bent on ruining Marinette’s life (As well as how the show seems to hint/imply her being a future villain from the end of “Timetagger” and from Lila allying herself with Gabriel which means from a plot standpoint, her being willingly given even one of the “Lesser miraculouses” like a zodiac one will be unlikely).

With Lila out of the way, that leaves an equal kwami-to-remaining-friend ratio. If one goes off of physical appearances and traits, Ivan with his size and strength would be a shoo-in for the Ox, and Nathaniel with his bright red hair and fiesty-if-you-anger-him temperament could work well with the Rooster (who could also help him learn to open up and be less shy).

That leaves Marc with the goat.

“Why Marc? Why not another recurring teenager like Aurore or Wayhem as an alternative candidate to Lila?”

It’s doubtful that Marinette even KNOWS Wayhem personally outside of being Adrien’s fanboy, and we’ve hardly seen Aurore on-screen except to have Stormy Weather be a plot vehicle for the intro episode and a recap episode, and we hve yet to see Marinette and Aurore interact in a way that would suggest that they’re actually FRIENDS and not just mere acquaintances.

MARC on the other hand, has been established in the show as being a friend of Marinette’s (as seen in “Reverser” with Marinette already showing her familiarity with him), and is also the one character outside of Madame Bustier’s class that is seen frequently hanging out with the rest of the ensemble class (as seen as being invited to the Heroes Day Picnic in “Mayura”, getting invited to test play Max’s new video game, and getting invited to Adrien’s boy’s-only party (that had initially just been amongst Adrien’s school friends).  

With Marinette already being familiar enough to Marc to be friends with him and him being close enough to Nathaniel and the rest of the class to be invited to hang out with them relatively frequently, it is ABSOLUTELY plausible that Marinette would consider him to be trustworthy and enough of a team player to give him a miraculous.

“Why the Goat though?”

Marc getting the Goat miraculous would be fitting for many reasons. One of the most obvious would be the similarities in color schemes and patterns between Marc’s Reverser form and Ziggy (the goat kwami).

This would not be the first time that a Kwami-Holder match-up would make a callback to the holder’s past akumatization: Alix’s time travel powers as Timebreaker ended up being similar to her powers as Bunnyx, and other Kwamis like the snake, fox, and bee kwamis all design-wise had at least SOME similarity to their holders in terms of physical appearances/character designs.

Another reason, appearances aside, that a goat would be suitable for Marc is that his personality would be suitable to be matched with a goat. Goats/sheep are popularly characterized as skittish, anxious, and overall kind of shy, which are all personality traits that can be used to describe Marc. Some kwamis match their users in terms of similarity of personality, others are opposites that complement their holder’s personalities. Either way, one would agree that a goat would be very fitting personality for Marc. There is also the fact that Hope Morphin (a friend of Thomas Astruc and who was the inspiration for marc) also said on her twitter (I couldn’t find the tweet at the moment) that Marc’s favorite animal is the sheep/goat. Make of that what you will, as she could just be banking on a popular theory.

Speaking of Hope, the creators of the show, through various tweets have confirmed Marc is LGBT, and given that Marc was based on Hope, who identifies as genderfluid and bi.

That, along with Marc’s comparatively more “feminine” features (like his painted nails, his visible eyelashes and his pink-tinted lips which suggests he wears lip gloss), lends to lots of fans and show creators referring to him as “androgynous”.

Why bring up Marc’s androgyny as a point? Good question. Consider Ziggy the Kwami. Thomas Astruc confirmed in a tweet that Ziggy was named after David Bowie’s stage persona, Ziggy Stardust.

David Bowie’s “Ziggy Stardust” alter ego was FAMOUSLY known for his androgyny.

Now back to Ziggy the kwami. Another interesting feature design-wise about the goat kwami is her seemingly “feminine” features like her long eyelashes (just like a certain androgynous writer). The goat kwami, though genderless like all other kwamis, does prefer female pronouns according to the wiki. However, just because Ziggy uses feminine pronouns doesn’t automatically mean that it rules out that Marc won’t get the goat simply because he doesn’t match the “gender” of the kwami, as although most of the male miraculous holders have been given kwamis with preferred masculine pronouns, female holders like Ryukko and Rena Rouge have kwamis that use masculine pronouns. Given Marc’s androgynous design and behaviors, it wouldn’t be out of the question for him to have Ziggy as his kwami at all, On the contrary, it would be a PERFECT fit from a symbolic standpoint (and let’s face it, writers, ESPECIALLY showwriters like the miraculous ladybug team, LOVE their symbolism).

“I don’t think Marc should get a Miraculous. He’s hardly there in the story.”

We’re all entitled to our opinions and I respect yours as long as it doesn’t step on mine. Personally, I think giving characters a day in the limelight as a newly-appointed hero provides for LOTS of character-development, which is something that admittedly, most of the miracuclass could benefit from having more of. Even so, the show was confirmed for their fourth and fifth seasons, which leave plenty of episodes for which less frequently-seen-but-still-relevant-enough characters like Marc (and let’s face it, Nathaniel too) could get more episodes focusing on them. And if not, they’re still considered very good enough friends of Marinette’s and valuable and cherished members of the Miracuclass to still be considered in the running to be Zodiac heroes, especially over other characters that have even LESS story presence like Wayhem or Aurore.

[accidentally-logince]

Rules of Being a Light Side

If you missed the first one: Rules of Being a Dark Side

Also, this was gonna just be a little continuation of the first one, but uhhhhhh there’s gonna be a third part too.

Warnings: Crying, anger, hate, mentions of pain, self-deprecation (Please tell me if there are any more)

Word Count: 2.3k

Pairings: Pining Loceit

A couple things in here were inspired by art, so I’m gonna put links to this post by @dailydeceitdoodles that inspired the “Lavender” part of the story, and this post by @casdensi for the ending and the idea of the “wilting”

---

There were more flowers in here. Weren't there more? Deceit runs his hands over the petals, thinking. Perhaps he'd put them in a different box. He leans down awkwardly to open the cupboard that he keep all the roses in. Again, he frowns. The boxes all seem slightly... off. Each is nearly overflowing—he'll most definitely need a new box soon—but Deceit could have sworn...

He shakes his head. Stupid thoughts. As if he needed to keep the flowers anyway. And who would even be taking them?

---

Deceit hadn't spoken to Logan at all since his attempted confession. Nearly three weeks, and Logan hadn't even tried to interact with him. He hardly stays in the same room as Deceit. The most they'd seen each other was in a video, and even then, Logan's eyes never wandered to Deceit's corner, words never sent in his direction. All but ignoring the lying Side. Deceit had learned to ignore the pain in his chest—maybe, he thought, he'd left a thorn or two in there, since heartbreak couldn't possibly feel this agonizing.

It's quiet in the commons. Which is to be expected, as it's nearly four in the morning, though not even a faint hum of music from Virgil's room, or the sounds of sparring that come when Roman's room is changed from a full kingdom to just a small bedroom, the bright night sky being replaced with fairy lights.

Deceit stays quiet as he sneaks out the door. He can't risk anyone following him, where he's going.

The door of the mindscape doesn't lead to Thomas' apartment building. Only a large expanse of grass, seeming to span out in all directions. There's a mostly established area around the outer mindscape. It looks big, but there are limits to it.

A twenty minute walk yields the entrance to a forest. Far enough away that no one would find it unless they were looking for it. Or maybe, if they just wandered randomly. Maybe that's why Deceit didn't make it farther away. Some part of him half hoped that Logan would happen upon it. Though he probably wouldn't even know what it meant.

The rest of the walk doesn't take much longer. Only a few minutes into the trees is an opening, blooming with roses. Red, and white, and yellow. So, so much yellow. There are so many more roses than the ones Deceit keeps in his tiny desk and the space under his bed.

If Deceit kept every flower in his room, they'd have been found by now. So he made the meadow as another sort of storage area, where he could come to make them where no one would see them.

He sits down in the center of the meadow, cross-legged. A Deceit-sized circle in the center of all the roses was left untouched so he could sit with them surrounding him. As much as they hurt when they would appear, they have sentimental value. Each rose represents a time that Deceit went against his primary function, and, all of these at least, made for Logan.

The silence is utterly deafening in here. There's no wind in the mindscape, and Deceit decides to keep it that way, rather than make his own and disturb the atmosphere of the forest. Instead, he begins to speak. 

Nonsense at first. Absolutely anything that his brain can conjure, spilling from his mouth without thought. But it always comes back to Logan. Each time he comes here, Deceit inevitably ends up rambling on and on about Logan, watching roses sprout over his skin and in the dirt. The ones that grow in the ground still hurt, it just seems much easier, Deceit thinks, to have them already in the ground so he doesn't have to plant them.

By the time Deceit pushes himself to his feet—after plucking all the roses out of his skin and planting them, talking through the whole process—his voice is raw; It nearly hurts to breathe. His skin is sore too, a familiar soreness that comes with the growth of the roses. He stares at the last flower for a moment before turning and making his way back to the mouth of the forest.

---

It's just past seven in the morning when Deceit finally gets back to the commons. It won't be long before the Light Sides wake up, so Deceit silently wanders down the stairs, stumbling through his bleary vision. His trip to the forest had left him tired--he hadn't gotten any sleep last night--and he wanted nothing more than to collapse onto his bed and pass out.

As his hand reaches for the doorknob, Deceit freezes. Shuffling comes from inside, the movement of cardboard and plastic across wood. He can feel his heart begin to beat hard against his ribs at the prospect of someone finding his roses.

What if they know what they mean?

No longer tentative, Deceit thrusts the door open, eliciting a startled gasp from the intruder. His eyes lock with Deceit's for a split second before he quickly sinks out, though not before Dee can notice the roses piled up in his arms.

Deceit's mouth goes dry. There was no mistaking Logan's trademark tie and glasses. He scrambles to the cupboard, throwing it open and checking the boxes. He knew they looked empty! But how long had Logan been stealing them? How much did he know?

Forgetting his fatigue entirely, Deceit marches up the stairs to the Light Sides' rooms, not stopping to knock before barging into Logan's room. He's under his blankets, and pushes the sheet off to sit up. 

"Deceit, what in the world are you doing in my room?"

The lying Side is at a loss for words for a few moments before sputtering out, "I couldn't easily ask you the same," keeping careful not to tell the truth, though a rose had already sprouted on his calf from even entering Logan's room.

Logan grumbles, rolling his eyes and reaching for his glasses that sit on the bedside table. "I'm far too tired for this, Deceit, please go back to your own room." He rubs at his sleep-filled eyes before placing his glasses on his nose.

Deceit blinks stupidly, almost fooled for a moment. "You weren't just in my room!" He just hardly keeps the hiss out of his voice.

Again, Logan sighs, annoyed, before pushing himself off of his bed and snapping his fingers, poofing on the same outfit that Deceit had just seen him wearing while he stole the roses.

"You're tired, Deceit. You've been up all night. Is it at all possible that you were simply seeing things?"

At that, Deceit pauses. Thomas' imagination is one of the largest parts of the mindscape, and it's not unusual for some of it to leak out of Roman's room. A tired Side is no stranger to hallucinations; manticores and elves running about the kitchen in the long hours of the night. His mind probably conjured up an image of Logan stealing the roses because he'd been paranoid about his seemingly emptying boxes earlier. 

Deceit clears his throat, embarrassed now that he could have very easily just barged into Logan's room without reason. "I don't apologize. I believe I won't be going then."

"Try to get some sleep. You really seem to need it," Logan says, crossing his arms, waiting for Deceit to leave. His feet are planted in place, stiff from exhaustion now that his adrenaline is gone, and he sinks out back to his room, falling onto his bed in an awkward position in a desperate plea for any form of sleep.

It's only as Deceit is just falling asleep that he wonders how Logan had known he was up last night at all.

--- When Deceit wakes up again, it's midday. A glance at the clock reveals that it's nearly three in the afternoon. Deceit flips himself over and stretches--he really shouldn't have fallen asleep when he was half off of the bed--before he remembers what had happened before he sank out of Logan's room. A scowl makes its way onto his face. 

The "hallucination" alibi had worked for Logan when Deceit was tired, but now that he was fully awake and in control of his thoughts, it made no sense. Logan could have very easily risen up into his room after stealing the roses and poofed on his pajamas. There was no reason that Deceit shouldn't do any investigating.

Quietly, he rose up into the kitchen, wincing but ultimately staying quiet as a rose bloomed on his arm. Peering over the counter confirmed the rose's reason; Logan was sitting on the couch, laptop on his lap as he typed, a show playing in the background. That made it much easier.

Now knowing that Logan was downstairs, Deceit rises up into his room. The lights are off, but there's dim sunlight coming from the window, and Deceit decides not to flick the lightswitch as he saunters around the room, checking all the drawers and cupboards he can find.

He had to admit, he nearly closed the drawer without noticing the strange leveling. The bottom of the drawer didn't match up. It looked too shallow on the inside. Deceit pressed a hand to the bottom of the drawer and felt it slide, revealing an opening that was much bigger on the inside than could possibly fit in the drawer. He pushed the false bottom further, enough that he could fit himself in.

Inside, once he'd found his bearings--it was very strange to suddenly be in a drawer--he saw boxes of roses much like his own. There must have been years worth in here. How could Logan possibly have known about them for this long? He felt anger boiling in his chest. Logan knew about them. And he had lied to Deceit. He had let Deceit get hurt, and he knew.

Deceit took a step forward, his foot catching on something. He looks down to find a lavender flower under his foot. His brow furrows. Had that been there a moment ago? 

When he places his foot down again, more lavender sprouts. A few more stems this time around his foot, but they were very clearly coming from him. Was this a new type of flower? Did it have to do with his anger? He reached up to brush a strand of hair out of his face, only to find that there were more lavender flowers growing in his hair.

Feeling tears forming behind his eyes--he didn't know if they were of anger towards Logan or fear at the lavender--Deceit quickly rose up into Logan's room. replacing the drawer's false bottom, then sink down into his own room, feeling the glare on his face grow colder. Logan let him get hurt.

"I hate him," Deceit growled. "He hurt me, I hate him!"

Deceit fell to the ground as a sharp pain ran through his chest. At first he thought it was another rose, but no, he'd felt one grow on his neck just now. The pain in his chest felt different, and something urged him to look at his roses. 

He crawled over to his desk and opened the cupboard, gasping when he saw the yellow roses wilting to grey. More tears pushed at his eyes and he grabbed for the flowers desperately, distantly noticing that lavender was still sprouting around his feet and legs as he knelt, pulling the boxes out.

"No, no, please don't," he whimpered. "Please, please, don't!" The roses were too special for him to lose. Logan had hurt him... but Deceit didn't hate him, did he?

Through his tear-stained vision, Deceit noticed the flowers turning yellow again. His brow furrowed, and he wiped his tears away. Still yellow. What in the world had just happened? As the confusion ebbed, his anger slowly started to return, but the flowers turned grey. Again, Deceit frantically held them against him, and their colour returned.

The flowers wilt when their truth becomes a lie. 

The thought scared Deceit for a moment. He didn't hate Logan. Not at all. And each of these flowers had been a forbidden "I Love You" that Deceit had uttered when he was alone. But the colour was still in the roses, so the Rules knew he still loved Logan. Though in that moment of anger, he had truly believed he hadn't.

Then, an idea sprouted in Deceit's mind. He stood, ignoring the lavender that still grew at his feet with each new step, sat on his bed, right in the middle. He let his angry thoughts come back, and he growled out "I hate him" as many times as he could, until the words lost all meaning, and the Rules stopped counting them. 

No more roses sprouted, and only then, did he open his eyes and see that hi skin was absolutely covered in yellow roses. It reminded him of all the nights Deceit had spent murmuring "I love him" to himself. That thought alone is enough to make the hateful roses wilt, and he watches as the "I Love You" roses in his cupboard boxes came back to yellow as their meanings became truths again.

Deceit grins down at the grey roses on his skin. He stands, moving to the bathroom to pluck them out.

---

When Logan went back into his room in the evening, he was stopped short right in front of his door. Plastered right in front of the doorway were bouquets upon bouquets of dead, grey roses, strewn about on the floor, over his doorway, and all over a large board that had the words carved into it:

"Everything Wilts. They Just Need A Reason."

---

My Other Fics

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[emisonme]

Lauren's coming out...(long)

I started writing this, before Expectations was released. I thought it was better, to post the Consequences and Expectations post first. And, since I put some of this post, in that one, I had to do some rewriting.

I was first going to go into more detail, about how management, through Astroturfers, manipulated, what is in my opinion, the Camren truth, to fit the Laucy narrative. But, I decided, since I posted the other one first, I could skip all that, or the majority of it, and just get to the heart of the matter.

It is important, to always remember, THEY love to take a truth, and manipulate it, to fit a narrative. With that said, we now need to remember what Lauren said about her coming out process.

In her beautycon chit chat, she said that she had a hard time accepting her sexuality. That she had her "fuck it" moment, and knew who she loved and who she didn't. That she had a girlfriend at the time, she came out to her parents, and then she wrote her Op-ed about Trump supporters, and came out publicly...Then in the video, with Troye, she said that she didn't acknowledge she liked girls, until she was older, and "in this phase of my life". That she understood why people fear coming out, because where she grew up, people would have, "torn me apart".

She said, more, but I addressed some of it, in my last post. These are the things I'll be focusing on, for this post. I gave you, what I can see as the Camren time line, through 2012/April 2014. I believe Lauren's "fuck it" moment, came around the 1975 concert.

Her "fuck it" moment was important, because it's when she actually decided, for herself, that she didn't want to be, 'just friends', or even friends with secret benefits. She realized, and understood, her internal struggle, accepting herself, was causing her to push away, and lose someone very important to her.

So, once Lauren accepted herself, and the fact she likes girls, (one girl in particular) it was time to come out, to her parents and family. The big question is: When did she do this?

It is, in my opinion, Lauren came out as Bisexual, to her parents, around January of 2015. In March, of 2015, she didn't give a shit, who knew. She no longer tried to hide, nor deny, her sexuality, after that.

What does this tell us? Well, if she had a girlfriend, when she came out, to her family, and if she came out in January of 2015, then that girlfriend COULD NOT have been Lucy.

Lauren and Lucy, didn't "rekindle" their friendship, until sometime after Lucy's car accident, back in May of 2015. Lauren was already in the process, of tip-toeing out of the glass closet, through her Tumblr, BEFORE Lucy came back into the picture.

Lauren also said, she refused to acknowledge she liked girls, until she was older, and in this phase of her life. What does this mean? It means she denied her sexuality, until sometime AFTER X-Factor. We know this, already. We witnessed it.

Let's clarify something here. Lauren KNEW she was Bisexual, before X-Factor. She probably ALWAYS knew she liked girls, she just didn't want to acknowledge, admit, or act on that fact. She denied her truth, until after she got away from home, and Catholic School, and found herself in a friendlier, more accepting environment. There's also the fact, she finally met a girl, she couldn't hide, or deny her feelings for.

Though she tried. She continued to deny her truth, through mid 2013. She had a harder time, denying it, in late 2013 and early 2014. In the Spring of 2014, she accepted her truth, and could no longer deny or hide her true feelings. In 2014, she was older, and in this phase of her life. Camila was her inspiration, for admitting and accepting her sexuality.

The next thing we need to figure out, is when did Lauren and management, make the decision to bring her out of the glass closet. I mean, they had been monitoring her Tumblr, so they knew, she wasn't exactly hiding her sexuality, any more.

We also have to remember, there was no way in hell, THEY were going to let Camila, come out of the closet, or be considered anything but straight, when it comes to the general public. THEY chose her, as their next big Pop Star, and she needed a "straight" image, for that to happen.

So, they had to figure out a way, to get Lauren out of the glass closet, without bringing Camila out with her. March, 2015, seems to be the month, a lot of decisions were made. It was a very interesting month.

If you believe in the Camren ring, Lauren gave that ring, to Camila, in February. Lauren had her public "fuck it" moment, via Tumblr, in March. Camila turned 18 years old, in March, and that's also when THEY made the final decision, to start pushing Camila as a solo artist, and out of Fifth Harmony.

THEY ramped up the Taymila friendship, and was distancing Camila from the girls. In April, Candece Campbell was taking Camila to "private" dinner meetings, with Charlie Walk, and preparing for her first solo venture. April, 2015, is also when they started putting the rumors out there, about Camila and Michael.

Yes, I say rumor, because there were no pics, only a rag sheet article, saying a "source" saw them secretly meeting at a damn restaurant. They needed Camila, publicly "linked" to a man, to dispel the Camren rumors, and the Camren ring. They only wanted it to be "rumored", because they really wanted Camila to appear "available", as the possible "love interest" for her upcoming duet partner. Camichael came in right handy, for the subject of the eventual duet, as well.

Shawn, was the chosen duet partner, and they really wanted, and needed, people to ship them together. Hello Shawmila! Hello IKWYDLS! Goodbye Michael.

Yeah, I know. When Camila described her best date, she described her "secret dinner" with Michael, perfectly. Almost like it was ripped right out of the headlines. Unless Camila and or Michael, were the "inside source" that described that "Secret dinner date" to the media outlet, and described it as them "giggling like school kids", then it was all bullshit. A prepared answer from a prepared headline.

They now have Camila's "straight" image intact, with the rumored date with Michael. Then, they had her start hanging out with Shawn, all the time. That made the Shawmila shippers, flip their shit. Now, all they needed, was to find a female, to connect with Lauren, that wasn't Camila, but that could fit into Lauren's, (and Camren's) story.

What to do? What to do? It has to be someone, who could fit the narrative, and who also wouldn't mind the spotlight being placed on them, when it was time for Lauren to come out.

Hello Lucy, an aspiring model, wanna be artist, her father is famous, and she is already known to the fandom, as her and Lauren had been BFF's since middle school. For Lauren, Lucy is the perfect choice.

Management wise, she is also the perfect choice. Lucy was a College student, and had summers and long holidays, off. She went to school in NOLA, which was an easy stop for Lauren, while traveling to and from L.A. and Miami. It helped, that her father is a Sony Artist, so people will just assume Lucy is paying her own way, while following Lauren around. Hell, all Lauren has to do, is hang out with her best friend, and vise versa. It's a win win.

Now, that all the players are in place, it's time to start implementing the plan. Camila finds herself, smack dab in the middle of a hetero ship war, with Camichael, and Shawmila. Lauren takes some dude named Noah, to her birthday dinner. (this is important for later)

Camila and Shawn record IKWYDLS. While they are busy separating Camila from the girls, and the fandom, with Shawmila, a duet, and that stupid bullshit about Camila going behind the girls backs, Lauren is busy "rekindling" her friendship with Lucy.

Then, late July/early August, Camila done something she wasn't supposed to. They did an interview, the one where they all admitted to lying, and really got the rumors flying. The interviewer asked, "Who's the guy, that makes you go crazy?" Of course, Camila responded with "Why do you assume it's a boy?" You can tell, that was an unplanned, off the cuff, statement by Camila, because she didn't have a planned response, for the follow up. "Who's the girl that makes you go crazy?"...*crickets* Camila thought and thought, and the only girl, (that wasn't Lauren) she could come up with, was ED SHEERAN. Hey girl, hey!!!

THEY wanted Camila to stay far away from Lauren's coming out, but Camila wasn't having it. That pissed them off, so they decided to show her who was boss. THEY faked and "leaked" some very discriminating messages, that made Camila look like a racist bitch. This happened in early September. The sad part is, apparently, it's OK to have people think she is racist, but God forbid, people think she is gay. Sick and twisted logic, for a sick and twisted Industry!!!

Anyway, I digress. Towards the end of September, they had Lauren start putting the idea out publicly, that she might not be as straight as she lead folks to believe. During a press junket, for IILWAM, In one of the first interviews, Lauren answered a question about lessons learned from being in love with a monster. Lauren's response was, "...or whoever they are, because it might not be a boyfriend." (Keep in mind, this is after her trip with Lucy and Keena, to Hawaii)

The same day, different interview, they were asked almost the same question, and Camila answered with the, "a bad boy, or a bad whatever." That same interview, Camila inadvertently, all but confirmed Camren, when asked about OTP's in the group, and she said, "OTP's in the group haven't quite worked out." Meaning, there had to be one to begin with, for it not to have, worked out.

You could tell, Camila had pretty much had enough, at that point. She was pissing Management off, left and right, and who could blame her. Lauren may have had her "fuck it" moment, but Camila had her "fuck you" moment, when it came to management.

Let's skip ahead to November. It brought us, the official release of IKWYDLS, and the narrative that put an official end to the Camichael bullshit. It also brought us another song, people seem to forget about.

One week after the release of IKWYDLS, The Vamps released "I Found A Girl". People immediately connected the song, to Lauren Jauregui. The Vamps manager, even made it a point, to like a tweet, saying the song was about Lauren.

The timing, of the release of the song, wasn't an accident, either. Lucy was everywhere Lauren was. The summer tour, Hawaii, Bahamas. We got a heavy dose of Laucy, before that song was released. Lauren had been in a PR stunt, with Brad, from the Vamps. This song, was used as part of Lauren's coming out process. They wanted us to believe the song was about Lauren, and with the timing of the release, they wanted us to think it was about Lauren and Lucy.

We know, it was part of the plan, because no one, not even Lauren, made a big fuss, over the speculation, of it being about Lauren. We weren't told we were delusional, or disrespectful. We didn't get a long ass rant, about assigning a sexuality to her. Lauren was fine, with the all-assuming speculation, as long as it was speculated about Lucy, and not Camila.

Of course, people seem to forget, if there was any truth to that damn song, what so ever, it couldn't have been about Lucy. Lauren and Brad, "dated" in the later months of 2014, again, when Lucy wasn't in the picture...But, they had no problem getting folks to believe in the Laucy narrative, because the Astroturfers were out in force, pushing the Laucy narrative, from that moment on.

December was a fucking mess, so let's just skip it. The only thing we really need to remember, is this is the month Maverick took the reigns.

January 2016, was a fun month. This is when, they began to destroy Camren, and put Laucy on the radar, as more than just friends. This is also when Jillian Gutowitz became involved in the narrative.

2016 started, with Lauren going with Lucy, to Columbia. Then, Lauren's Birthday gift to Lucy, was a good old fashion, road trip. It was the end of January, that brought us, two significant parts, to all this bullshit.

Jillian wrote an article for After Ellen. In that article, she spun a web to follow, disguised as "Jordan". Some don't think Jillian's "Jordan" story, was about Lauren. I'm positive, it was just part of the plan.

The reason for this story, was to make a romantic connection, between "Jordan" and a "childhood" BFF. The timing of "Jordan" and everything we had been getting from Laucy, was meant for us to make the connection, of "Jordan" being Lauren, and to propagate a past, romantic link, between Lauren and Lucy.

Coincidentally enough, or not, it is around this same time, "fans" decided to "hack" the girls. THEY FAKED, then "leaked" messages, trying to convince us, Camila is guzzling cum shots, on the rocks, on every damn Continent. The purpose of that bullshit, was to make Camila look straight as fuck. I'll say this, if my foot, ever crosses paths, with a couple of Managers nuts, they will be properly introduced!!!

Those of you, still not sure about the "Jordan" story, I had no problem tracing it back, to Lauren and Jillian. Remember, they like to take a truth, and twist and manipulate it, to fit their false narrative.

Jillian wrote, "...upon their second meeting...", and "...the second day, "Jordan" told me, she had been making out with her childhood BFF, for years...".

The first meeting, wasn't important, because Jillian focused on the second meeting. That second meeting happened at a two day event, for them. That two day event, would have been, the World Wide Radio Summit, that took place, April 22-23, 2015. Zack Sang, Jillian, and Fifth Harmony were there, both days.

The term "childhood" was likely chosen by Management, to mislead the fans. It connotates, "Jordan" had been friends with this girl, since they were young children/kids. In actuality, "childhood" spans 0-18 years of age. So, technically, 15 and 16 years old, fits into that "childhood" time frame. Plus, this better fits, Lauren's own story, of NOT ACKNOWLEDGING she liked girls, until she was "older and in this phase " of her life.

But, again, with all the Laucy being SHOWN to us, from July 2015, the intention and plan, was for everyone to equate "childhood" with Lucy. Mission accomplished! (for most)

On March 9, 2016, Lauren and some of the other girls, went to get their ears pierced. There, we got a shot of Lauren's lock screen. We could tell it was a girl, but it was so damn blurry, we couldn't tell who it was. No problem! One month later, on April 10, Lucy posted the same photo to her Instagram. Basically, THEY sent the photo to Lucy, to post on her account, so we would know exactly who it was. Her!

April and May, we had more Laucy thrown at us. Then June rolled around, and Lauren's Birthday. Lucy was Lauren's shadow, yet again. We got some pics and video of them spending time together on her Birthday. More importantly, we got a photo from Jillian, that day, as well.

Jillian's picture, took us right back to her "Jordan" story. In the story, "Jordan" invited Jillian to her Birthday celebration. She mentioned "Jordan" making out with some guy, at this B-day celebration...Low and behold, the picture Jillian posted, was of herself and Lauren, at Lauren's Birthday dinner, 2015, for which Lauren showed up, with that walking dick, Noah. (That fucker had to be useful for something.)

So, on Lauren's 2016 Birthday, we got reminded of an article, about a "gay" girl named "Jordan" who had made out with her "childhood" BFF, for years, but couldn't understand why people thought she was gay. Then we get Lauren and Lucy, together, celebrating her birthday, one year later, in Brazil....Can you see the planned progression, yet?

Let's skip ahead, to September 2016, because it was another pivotal moment, in the planned narrative. That month, had Camila and Lauren all up in their feels. I'm sure, for multiple reasons, but one being, they were fixing to kick their plan into overdrive. They were fixing to start visibly pushing Laucy, as more than just friends.

The first sign, of playful "flirting", from the stage, during BBW, was actually on August 14, in Indiana. A few weeks later, they would replay the same scene, but with HD video, for the same reason.

Is it a coincidence, the day after the Indiana exhibition, After Ellen opened up nominations, for their Hot 100? No! Jillian wrote for AE. She is the one, who brought AE into the fandom, places-to-watch, list. They put all five of the girls, from 5H, on the Hot 100 nominee list. They then let it be know, the girls were nominated, and put the voting machine to work.

Yes, I'm saying that AE poll, was all part of Lauren's coming out process. Lauren was announced the winner, of the Lesbian Blog poll, on September 2, 2016. Yep, that's the very same night, Camila missed part of the show, due to anxiety. Coincidence?

September 4, is the other show, they had Lucy front row, so Lauren could "flirt" with her, again, during BBW. Like I said, this time, they had someone there, with a HD camera, ready to catch the whole thing, and show Lucy "flirting" back.

September 6, Jillian's AE Interview, with Lauren, is published. Lauren isn't offended by being the object of Lesbians desires. She is appreciative people think she's hot. Funny, how we Camren shippers, are only delusional, disrespectful, sick fucks, when it fit's their narrative... We also find out, Jillian conducted that interview, the same day Camila missed half the show. Again, coincidence?

On September 8, Lauren has her breakdown on a Phoenix stage. That whole seven day period, was very hard on Lauren and Camila. Management was in full swing, in their plan to "kill" Camren, by pushing Lucy as more than just Lauren's friend. I think, that week, a few final decisions were made.

Later that month, on a Mexico stage, Lauren took it upon herself, in front of everyone and their cameras, to let Camila know, that she is pretty fucking dope.

Then 5H went to Europe. The Barcelona show was special. That BHB moment, was the last OT5 moment, we would get. THEY separated Camila from the girls, after that, and prepared the 4X1 narrative, for Camila's departure.

They also had to make it seem like Lauren and Camila, were no longer close, in any way, shape, or form. They were preparing to put the death nail in Camren, and bring Lauren out of the closet, with her BFF Lucy.

In November, they did just that. With a staged picture, and a Trump supporter rant, they effectively destroyed Camren, in most shippers eyes, and Laucy was "born".

That's pretty much, step by step, how management was able to "kill" camren, get Lauren out of the closet, maintain Camila's "straight" image, get her out of the group, and start the 4X1 narrative, to help push Camila's solo career.

It's pretty sad, that with a staged picture, Lucy became Lauren's  unconfirmed "girlfriend", the "childhood" friend, Lauren had always had feelings for, and the only girl, Lauren had ever liked. That's all it took, to successfully erase Camren's past, to all but the hardcore shippers, and those of us, who could see what they were doing.

That is how they took the Camren truth, and manipulated it, to sell the Laucy lie. In my opinion, the only truth, in all that bullshit, was Camren. Everything else, was false narratives, for image and promotional purposes.

As always, I could be wrong...But, that's how all the dots connected for me...Sorry this is so long. I tried to shorten it, but it’s still a damn book...my bad!

[imitationpersonne]

BNHA Chapter 215 Review aka I’m So Fucking Tired

So after 24 hours of shitty-brain-chemicals mini-crisis and reading the full pages and translation of chapter 215, I return...to confirm that yep, I’m still fuckin’ pissed.

Warning: If you’re not prepared for chart-topping Reddit-‘fandom’ levels of salt, shade, and bitterness with a whole lot of fucks mixed in, I suggest you read no further.

Let’s just do this page-by-page, shall we.

Oh my god, FINALLY. It’s already been five minutes; we’ve waited so long for this whole ‘scary new power’ phase to be over. Five whole minutes, y’all! Wow.

I mean, ya not wrong, buddy! You pretty much can do anything if Mr. Author’s plot dictates it. Because who gives a fuck about feeling like there are any stakes in anything or making the world seem real; amirite, Hori?

Shinsou again with the super relatability. P sure a lot of us are goddamn incredulous about the overplayed ‘struggling with new quirk manifestation’ drama, now that Izuku is magically instantly proficient. Because that’s how quirks have worked up until this point.......

Oh no...! Back down to 8% with no air force attack for a hot second?? WHAT A NERF! Whatever will he do?? ...Oh. Still win everything. So who gives a fuck. Does anybody really believe these percentages don’t just mean whatever Hori wants them to at any given moment anyway?

Yo, I’m sorry. Apologizing for the author who hyped some fantastic MonoShin collaboration and then did everything he could to prevent that from happening. Bitch.

But then...they did? Sooooooooo...? What the fuck’s the point of Shinsou recovering his mask and going for another plan? Legit nothing came of this. Why does this panel--no, most of this chapter even exist?? Like I get that it’s supposed to look like a struggle between the teams, but it’s all just...super contrived the way it ends, my dudes. This is bullshit writing, k.

Okay, I frickin’ loved this scene. I can be mad as all hell and still admit this was enjoyable. The quirk meta, the mind games, and Monoma’s zero-grav hair.

Okay, but did he really need another fucking limit on his quirk??? Time limit, one-at-a-time limit, potentially type limit (not able to copy mutant quirks--but that’s just speculation/headcanon for now)...and now number limit? WHILE IZUKU IS GETTING SIX WHOLE FUCKING PERMA-QUIRKS FOR GODDAMN FREE??

YEAH OKAY, LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT. I saw a post I mostly disagreed with and disliked (and don’t care to identify or quote; I can’t even remember whose it was or anything) saying this six-new-abilities ability is going to erase the need for a ton of other already-existing characters. Sero, as an example, since Black Whip basically usurps his specialty and more. On principle, as the worldbuilding has stood up until this point, I disagreed that characters like Sero would become useless. The way society has been trending, teamwork has been increasingly essential and encouraged. That means two people with lasso/tape-like quirks would do just fine! There can be more than one person with a similar quirk! Hell, that’s all Monoma’s quirk is--a temporary second of one that already exists. OR TETSUTETSU AND KIRISHIMA MUCH? They’re both useful! Even together!

So as a general principle, people with similar quirks can and do exist just fine in the same universe and even same space and role. The danger exists only if the author is so irresponsible as to consciously edge out the other characters by letting his pet character take care of everything by himself. Which seems like exactly what Izuku’s new six-quirks is at risk of doing now. Sure, argue Uraraka was useful and that Izuku relied on her this time, mmkay, but wait until he gets his own antigrav quirk, lol. Like, at this point, I honestly don’t trust Hori not to fuck up the beautiful character synergies and contrasts he’s already built. Because he sure did fuck up a lot of things that had great potential this arc already. Often by stepping on the ‘little’ guys. Fuck you, Tokage didn’t deserve that, and Baku didn’t deserve to dominate that hard. Where is the goddamn sense of struggle and achievement? Aight, that’s a rant for another day...

Anyway, back on track, call me biased as hell, but usurping the specialty of the guy whose ONLY NICHE WAS BEING THE ONLY ONE WITH VERSATILE MULTI-QUIRK USAGE? AND GAINING MULTIPLE QUIRKS BUT WITHOUT SEVERAL OF MONOMA’S LIMITING FACTORS? Gooooooooooo fuck yourself, ‘blessed boy’.

But...HE DIDN’T, THOUGH? Monoma’s ace-in-the-hole surprise Twin Impact stunned Mr. Protagonist for an amazing two whole seconds! Because of course; the fuck were we all thinking hoping other people mattered in this story or stood a chance against plot-device-convenient auto-scaling levels of OP? Like why even try tbh???

Shinsou fucking gets it. We all get it; it was an amazing play. But protagonist privilege too strong; what the fuck can you do.

Oh yep, here’s a more accurate translation, given the goddamn results.

Hahahahaha, amazing, even literally everybody in-character gets it. Team 5-B had every right to win this shit. But then...!

Oh boy!!! Generic shonen anime protagonist inspiration spiel to the contrived-Hori-plot rescue! Now, with these magic thoughts, he will win! Amazing how that works!

Well yeah, no shit, it makes sense for you to have that kind of confidence, considering that’s legit how your protagonist life works. Congrats on the contrived win, dude; I know you’re not surprised. Y’all, I know this isn’t in-world Izuku’s fault; he’s doing his best which is what he should be doing. It’s the shitty writing, plain and simple. Don’t blame the kid that gets everything; blame the one who spoils them at the expense of others. So perhaps calling me petty would be deserved, but my bitterness can’t help but leak out towards the character as well; it’s just human nature. I don’t like Baku as much as I used to either, because all the interesting bits are gone now that he’s OP and comparably perfect. At least Hori kinda kicked Shouto to the OP-privilege curb a little; makes him more realistic, relatable, and likable.

Ohhhh god, generic shonen anime faux-inspirational epilogue to put the icing on the shit cake; brb gagging.

Alright, so let’s summarize all the implied morals to the story here!:

Things turned around at the very end for basically no other reason than Hori wanted Team Protag to win.

All the dipshits were actually right; class B is legit inferior to class A, as evidenced by the results of literally every time they’ve directly faced each other. 1 win to 3 this time, bitch, and don’t make me remind of the sports festival. Even though B class clearly has better teamwork and synergy. Screw that, A more powerful, A smash. A main character class; A win.

Monoma, your backstory classmates were right, turns out! You are apparently an ineffective hero student who just keeps losing! You’ll never be more than a side character to be used, abused, and discarded. Fuck your aspirations, fan-fucking-tastic.

Shinsou, don’t kid yourself; you haven’t fucking changed. You got beaten by the same dude in nearly the exact same fashion. Your entire arc was fucking pointless; have fun in general studies! (In honesty, if Hori has any remaining shred of sensibility, I think he might let Shinsou into hero course anyway? Did they ever say Shinsou technically had to win both of his matches? Or just show progress? Who fucking knows at this point.)

Everybody who didn’t need to be reminded they’re great won. Are you not inspired?

Beautiful. Beautiful goddamn arc, Horikoshi; you taught us the important things in this world. Applause. I will honestly punch myself in the face in ecstatic shock if Hori manages to pull some way out of his ass to make this a satisfying conclusion.

My final thoughts:

Fuck this shit, I’m out.

[everythingisgayandnothinghurts]

Before and After

Steve’s world is all about after the serum was given and after he woke from his time in the ice.  What if he was forced to live the before, even just for awhile?

This is inspired by @whumpitywhumpwhump post about asthma and how terrifying it is so I decided to write this little thing.  Well, it was supposed to be little anyways.

When Steve woke his room was dark and he could only see darkness outside his window as well.  He blinked heavily a few times and ran a hand through his hair to try and wake up a little more.  He remembered vaguely that the team plus Bucky had gone out on a mission that afternoon.  Hydra had been causing problems and as usual they were the ones to interfere before it got out of control.  

His heart stuttered in his chest.

This time had been different.  They had been expecting them to show up and almost eager to see them.  The fighting had been difficult, even for him and his beyond normal capabilities.  One of them had gotten the upper hand on him and before he could throw the guy twenty feet away from him he had been injected with something.  He remembered the fear that had shot through him when he realized a needle had pierced his neck.  The memories it brought back had been unpleasant to say the least.  

He had actually cried a bit when Bucky had found him frozen in place.

Whatever he’d been injected with must have knocked him out for the rest of the day and they had left him to sleep it off.  Steve smiled at his knees when he heard dishes being washed in the kitchen and slowly the hum of TV filtered in.  Not everyone had left him of course.  Buck would never leave his side like that.  Hell, he would probably leave him to fend for himself despite the fact that now he could lift almost twice his body weight.  

He made a displeased sound when he swung his legs over the side of the bed and the room spun for a moment.  How did they find something strong enough to still affect him after so many hours?  Bruce couldn’t even give him anything to last more than four, despite trying for months now.   He brought a hand up to his head and closed his eyes to try and get the world to stay still long enough for him to figure out what was going on.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Bucky slowly eased the door open and his face lit up when he saw Steve awake.  “You’ve been out for about nine hours.  It’s nearly midnight.”  He wasn’t so casual when Steve made another sound of alarmed displeasure and dropped his head fully into his hands as he hunched over the side of the bed.  He felt sick to his stomach in such a foreign way that it was almost frightening.  Since that serum he hadn’t been ill and nothing had really affected him physically.  His body had been through beating after beating and he had never felt this awful.  “Steve?”

“I’m…” Steve wanted to tell him he was fine, but fear was clogging his throat.  This was so stupid.  There was nothing to be afraid of.  HIs stomach being upset was perfectly reasonable when he’d been given a heavy dose of some drug.  “What did they drug me with?”

“Bruce didn’t have any conclusive results to tell us.  He figured it was some kind of tranquilizer to get you out of the fight.” Bucky knelt in front of him and had both hands on his knees.  “How are you feeling?”

“Sick,” Steve admitted softly as he swallowed a few times.  “That must of been one hell of a tranquilizer then.”

“You feel dizzy,” Bucky’s hand came up to brush through his hair and over the hands already cradling his head.  

“Dizzy and have a headache,” Steve confirmed as he tried to shake off feeling so off.  “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” He made to stand and immediately was weak in the knees.  Bucky hurried to catch him before he hit the carpet and Steve felt the fear increase.  What the hell was going on?

“Take it easy Stevie,” Bucky’s voice leaked of concern as well and he tried not to let it alarm him further.  “Let’s stay in bed, okay?  You hungry or anything?  You haven’t eaten all day so I’m sure you’re starving.  Tony brought up some sandwiches around dinner for you to have.  Or I can make you whatever you want me to.”

“Just stay,” Steve said in a voice that could barely be heard.  He tugged Bucky close and felt his eyes drift closed again.  The other man quickly got the hint to climb in bed with him and cradle him close.  

“You just need some rest, Doll,” Bucky told him softly with a soft kiss to his head.  “Today was a rough fight.  Nobody came back from that without a few bruises.  They came after you the hardest.”

“I don’t get sick,” Steve said quietly and felt his eyes sting.  What the hell was going on?  “I mean, ever.  After eight hours I should be healed just fine.  It was just some drug.  They didn’t even really hit me.  I spent four days with Tony when he had the flu and I didn’t get so much as a sniffle.  I feel… I feel funny.”

“Shh,” Bucky hushed him gently with a hand tangled back in his hair.  “Tomorrow you’ll be fine, okay?  Get some more sleep and the morning will bring a better day.”

Steve was too exhausted to argue that point so he let himself fall asleep and pretend that nothing weird was going on.  

He woke before Bucky the next morning and was relieved when his symptoms did seem to be better.  He felt a bit sluggish, but other than that he was fine.  He got changed for his morning run and made some breakfast for himself.  He was full after only three eggs, which was unheard of, but maybe it was part of his recovery.  He quickly put on some shoes and went outside for his usual run.  Soon enough he was on the familiar streets of the city and everything was fine again.  His fear had been for nothing after all.  

He thought that for about twenty minutes before the fear came back ten times worse.

He felt his chest getting tight about ten minutes into his run, but he figured his lungs just had to wean off the last of that drug and pushed on.  He could run for at least a couple hours before his body showed any sign of weariness.  He had made it almost to his familiar streets of Brooklyn when he passed a construction site where work was actively happening for a change.  He waved to the guys, too out of breath for a real greeting.  He slowed to a jog but that wasn’t enough for his body to catch breath again.  He started to cough as the tightness grew like a rubber band had been wrapped around him.  

He knew this pain.  He had had it so many times growing up on these streets with construction and all kinds of stuff in the air.  He could hardly walk to school without using his inhaler once back in the day.  He leaned a hand on a brick wall next to him as he seemed to be unable to suck in air to his lungs.  He felt like he couldn’t breath and like the dust was choking him.  This didn’t happen to Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America.  This hadn’t happened since coming out of the ice.  

The pain grew and his breathing got worse, bringing him to his knees.  The fear crashed over him in a tsunami tide now as he fought to suck in air.  He fumbled for his phone in his pocket and dialed the person he called the most.  

“Did you seriously go running after the night you had?” Bucky offered instead of a greeting.  “Nobody is going to blame you for laying in bed one morning of your life.  Super soldier or not you are allowed rest and relaxation.  I had plans for-”

“Buck,” Steve got out as tears streamed down his face.  He didn’t care what he looked like right now when he could hardly suck any air in and he felt like he was suffocating.  “Bucky.”

“Steve?  Hon, what’s going on?” BUcky’s voice turned sharp and serious in an instant.  “Are you alright?”

“I can’t breathe,” Steve choked out as panic crept over him as he said it aloud.  “Asthma.”

“Asthma?” Bucky repeated, bewildered.  “What the fuck?  Steve you don’t have-”

“Bucky,” Steve sobbed his name again as he clutched his chest.  

“I’m on my way to you,” Bucky assured him and Steve could dimly hear doors slamming as he made good on his promise.  “Stark can track you or whatever.  Take a deep breath Steve.”

Steve tried to and it hurt like hell.  His chest was burning and he was getting dizzy from lack of proper oxygen.  “Can’t.  It h-hurts.”  

“I know it does,” Bucky said, sounding in nearly as much pain as he was in.  He heard Bucky saying something frantically to someone else.  “We are on our way, okay?  I’ll see you in just a few minutes.  It’s gonna be okay I promise.”

Steve let the phone go limp to the ground and tried to hold onto the thought of Bucky coming soon.  He could get him through this if it was asthma.  God knew he had more than enough practice.  The number of times he had forgotten his inhaler as a kid was staggering.  He really had had no self-preservation skills.  

Loud footsteps gave him seconds of warning before both Bucky and Tony were in front of him.  He was having a full blown panic attack by now and his head was throbbing in pain.  Bucky didn’t hesitate a moment before maneuvering behind him and tugging him close to his chest.  

“Okay, okay Stevie I’m right here.  We got this down to a science now, hm?  Follow my breathing, okay?” Bucky’s hands were rubbing his shoulders gently as his chest moved slowly and deliberately.  

“W-why is this happening?” Steve gasped out as he tried to follow instructions.  The alarm wouldn’t leave him since it had been so long and it should be impossible for this to be happening at all.  

“Steve, we’ve got you, alright?” Tony said steadily.  “I may not have asthma, but panic attacks are my specialty by now.  We’ll get you through this.”

“I brought this,” Bucky showed him an inhaler that Steve had no idea existed.  The plastic was pressed to his lips and Steve felt a smidge of relief as the medication miraculously hit his lungs.  He coughed a few more times and it seemed to take forever for air to reach his lungs properly.  

Steve curled against Bucky’s chest as the pain ebbed away to a bearable level, though the fear was still there.  Tony was holding his hand and looking concerned and kind.  It was a surreal experience and he hated being seen crying like this.  He felt like a kid all over again and it wasn’t the best feeling.  

“Feel any better?” Tony asked quietly after long minutes of the three of them sitting on the sidewalk.  Steve nodded and squeezed his hand tightly.  “I’m sure that was terrifying.  It’s been decades since you had to go through that, right?”

“What is going on?” Bucky asked quietly as he rubbed his back.  “Steve doesn’t have asthma.  He doesn’t have even a hint of it.  He was out of it last night after the drugs had been his system for over nine hours.  Something weird is going on.”

“It looks like something they gave him messed with the serum,” Tony speculated as he rocked back on his heels and stood.  “Let’s get him back the Tower and away from the construction.  It’s probably what set him off in the first place.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Bucky warned as Steve tried to stand up on his own.  “You just worry about getting air into those lungs.  You need to take it easy until we figure this out.”  

“I’m sorry,” Steve apologized softly as Bucky scooped him up in his arms.  A kiss was pressed to his temple softly.

“Darling, you don’t need to apologize at all.  This isn’t your fault,” Bucky assured him quietly.  

“I should have taken it easy.  Should have known something was off,” Steve said hoarsely before breaking into a round of coughs.  

“Take another puff of your inhaler,” Bucky instructed and already the Tower was in view.  He really hadn’t gotten far when he had collapsed.  Steve fell quiet and let his head rest on Bucky’s shoulder as they quickly approached the Tower.  This whole thing made him feel oddly helpless.  He could remember in the days when Bucky was constantly with him in case he got in trouble with other boys, or his breathing, or anything else he could find.  He would have died at least five times over if Bucky had never been his friend.  He had truly forgotten how terrifying asthma attacks were until now.   He didn’t want to go back to those times now that he knew a world where breathing was done without thinking.  How could he be an Avenger with asthma?  Without the serum who was he in this new world?  He had had a hard enough time finding a place in it as a superhero.  What use would he be as just peaky Steve Rogers?

He was quiet as Bucky settled him in a bed and Tony went to see if Bruce was free to see him.  He felt small now and he wasn’t used to feeling that way.  He had become so used to being the guy that saved the day time and time again.  Of feeling useful and powerful for a change.  

“Steve,” Bucky said as he sat next to him on the bed.  The quiet rumble of his voice caused the tears to come back as Steve realized that his hero days could be over and he would go back to being nobody again.  It wouldn’t matter so much except all of his friends were on the team now.  He had nobody outside the Avengers.   A hand came up to cup his cheek as a thumb wiped away his tears.  “What’s the tears about, babydoll?”

“What if Captain America is over?” Steve asked in a quivering voice, staring at the white sheets.  “What if I’m not a hero anymore?”

“I’ll sleep a ton better,” Bucky muttered as a joke, but it fell flat when Steve didn’t so much as smile.  “So what if you aren’t a hero?”

“My whole life is here,” Steve said miserably.  “I don’t have a place out there.  If I have to leave I don’t have anything.  I don’t even know where I’d live or-”

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted him and made their eyes meet.  “Nobody in this tower loves you because you can throw cars around, alright?  If whatever Hydra did to you really did take away your powers nothing will change with anyone here.  Your home is here, with me for good.  Okay?”

“Why would you ever question if you belong here?”  Tony cut in as he stepped in the room.  “Capsicle, you’re stuck with us no matter what goes on.  That much I can promise you.”

“Yeah, yeah I know that,” Steve muttered as he held Bucky close.  

“Let’s get some answers, yeah?” Bruce cut in as he shrugged on his coat and stepped into the room

It didn’t take long to conclude that Hydra had indeed tried to mess with his powers.  They were trying to take them out from the inside instead of fighting them.  Steve was their first target.  He wasn’t sure if he was horrified or honored by that.  Bruce, genius that he is, had a plan to get him back to full strength, but it seemed like he would have to lay low for a few weeks.  Steve already had a feeling the number of missions were about to increase dramatically in that time.  

But he would come back stronger than ever sooner than they’d think.  

[lilithhawthorne]

It’s time for me to share what I created for the reverse MASS EFFECT BIG BANG hosted by @mebigbang!! I was lucky enough to get the amazing art of @jubberry and inspiration for a story where a Shepard who never left the Reds has a run in with everyone’s favorite C-Sec detective. I had a few personal issues that meant I wasn't able to finish in time, so I hope you don't mind that I will be posting the THRILLING conclusion next week. I thought this was a better option than rewriting something that had a rushed ending.

BUT ANYWAYS, here is CHAPTER ONE (of two) of 

[Cross Posted on AO3]

Skulking. The shop keeper said they had been skulking, and when he had gotten the call from dispatcher Omega Schebler she had shaped the word skulking into a concussive round that said your punishment isn’t over. That’s why Garrus Vakarian, the detective with egg on his face so fresh it could have been salvaged to make an omelet, got the call and not a beat cop who had the time. 

“Be nice to the old lady,” his partner quipped as Garrus called up a patrol car. “The Citadel can be a scary place for lonely old ladies, and you know groups of humans are never a good thing.” 

Garrus opened his omnitool while Dix blathered on behind him, the human’s self-deprecating jab avalanching into a series of anecdotes from his first days working the Wards. The skycar flashed a green light, accepting his authorization code, and the door lifted with a gentle hiss. Stale cigarette smoke and the stench of unwashed bodies, of all kinds, permeated from the worn upholstered seats. 

“I thought they were required to clean these things out more often,” Garrus muttered. With only Dix around, he didn’t bother to suppress the ire in his voice. 

Dix stuck his head in the open door and took four open-mouthed and rapid breaths, his stomach caving in and billowing out beneath his shirt. “I don’t smell nothin’,” he said. “But, hey, I only got this human nose.” 

His omnitool beeped, an automated reminder that it had been 10 minutes since the call had been logged scrolling rapidly across his screen. With a click, he sent a response that he was en route. He turned back to look at his partner before folding himself into the car. Whoever had sat it in last must have been human, and his bony knees chaffed against the dash before he could adjust the seat. “No one has a nose like you, Lemley. I hear they’re thinking of making it a Citadel Monument, the thing is big enough to direct traffic.” 

“Oh har har.” Dix looked over his shoulder to make sure no one from the office was in the lot before raising his middle finger in response. “Have fun on your petty crimes beat, Detective Vakarian.”

Garrus bristled in response, his mandibles pulled tight and his talons splayed across his lap. The joke soured between them. After a moment, Dix leaned close, his hand pressed against the sensor to keep the door from bumping his head on the way down. His brows knitted together and his voice dropped. “Hey, look, it’ll be a lil’ bit longer, so what? Someone will fuck up sooner or later, and Boomie will forget all about - “

“Yeah,” Garrus interrupted, “sure.” It had been said before, by everyone at least once, and by Dix at least once a day since he had been called into Captain Baumvi’s office. That had been two weeks ago, and the captain seemed disinclined to forget anytime soon. 

Dix puffed his cheeks up and squinted at Garrus, his not-so-subtle indication that he was hurt Garrus wouldn’t let himself be comforted. “Fine,” he said, letting his mandibles loosen in a display of affable good-faith. “I’ll tell the captain that you and Seegmiller call her Boomie behind her back, that’ll put me in her good graces again.” 

“Ehhh that’s the spirit. Okay now fuck off and go wrangle those errant skulking humans.” Dix stepped back from the car, rapping the window with his knuckles as goodbye. Garrus entered the coordinates of the store, and the patrol car lifted off into the orderly flow of Citadel traffic.

Garrus stopped himself from pinching his mandibles, but he couldn’t keep the warble of frustration from his voice. “So you didn’t see them do anything?” he asked Orsant Varana for the second time. 

“Well, they were - “

He raised a hand in the air, halting the shop keeper before she launched into another diatribe about what the humans she saw were planning to do. “Again, it’s a yes or no question. Did you see the group of humans do anything besides skulking?” 

The salarian blinked up at him, her large eyeballs audibly moist. He wasn’t an expert in xenoculture, but he guessed her body language suggested she was very angry with him. Her tiny frame hunched before him, eyes blinking rapidly, he recalled Captain Baumvi’s warning: I don’t give a fuck who you are, who you think you are, or what you think you bring to the team. Cut the attitude - you’re a detective, not a Spectre. 

Keeping a trill of frustration buried beneath his subvocals, he made a conscious effort to uncross his arms. “Orsant,” he tried again, using her first name in a bid to come off as friendly, “I can’t arrest a group of tourists on the Citadel for being in one place for too long. Believe me, I would if I could “ - he broke off and forced a laugh, his arms splayed in a suggestive display that he hoped she would appreciate. Tourists are the worse, his carefree laugh said, I hate them, too! 

Orsant looked unimpressed. 

“Ahem, anyways.” He looked back at his omnitool, paraphrasing from her extensive complaint. “Despite the fact that they were all wearing red and looked suspicious, I can’t do anything about it unless they actually commit a crime. Did you see them do anything illegal?” 

“You can never trust humans who have a uniform, especially when they are in groups,” she warned. 

“Yes, well, I’ve never heard that saying,” he replied slowly, hesitant to say that she was wrong because, well… she wasn’t. “But other than that….” He trailed off, hoping she would supply him with the kernel he needed to take her complaint seriously. 

She didn’t take the hint. “Mark my words,” she intoned aggressively, gesturing with a long finger up at him, “they’ll be back! They’ve been outside the store every day for a week! They’ll be back!” 

Garrus excused himself and exited her store, his omnitool ringing the captain as soon as he was out of earshot of the shop keeper. He was required to check in with her whenever he wasn’t at the station, a condition of his punishment that inconvenienced both of them and kept her angry. 

“What is it?” she barked into the line. 

“Hey, Captain.” His greeting fell flat and was unreturned, so he rushed to fill the silence. “I’ve just spoken to the shop keeper, Orsant Varana. The group of humans she called in about, although annoying, haven’t done anything.

“Her initial report said they come back every day. Have you seen them yet?” 

“Well, no, but - “

“Great. Pull up a seat. Wait ‘em out.” 

Silence dipped between them as Garrus searched for something to say. A stakeout? For a group of tourists? She was trying to kill him with boredom. 

“Is there anything else you need, Detective Vakarian?” Her voice was almost cruel over the line, and he was glad it was only voice so she couldn’t see his mandibles flare in frustration. 

“No, captain, that’s all.” 

Baumvi disconnected the line without saying goodbye. He thought about sending an update to Dix, but committing the idiocy of his detail in writing would only further irritate him. Instead, he turned the display off and looked across the sprawl of shops in search of a suitable spot to begin his watch. Across the way, impeded only by a few benches and a shallow pond, he saw a volus cafe with more than half the tables empty. 

There was a vidscreen behind the counter playing a news station with CITADEL: ALL NEWS, ALL THE TIME emblazoned in the corner of the screen. The volume was distracting, and Garrus raised his voice to compete with the newscaster. “Do you have any dextro drinks?” he asked, eyeing the menu with trepidation. There were many variations of lattes.

“Just one,” the volus breathed back.

“I’ll take it.” 

The volus went to work making his drink, a complicated whir of machinery and shakers adding to the cacophony that overtook the small cafe. There were four others, scattered across three tables, and only the couple in the corner seemed unaware of the ruckus. They seemed oblivious of anything that existed outside the circle of their intertwined arms. 

He took a seat close to the door, the spotless glass walls allowing him full view of the gift store across the way. 

The news program had shifted stories, a cheerful asari talking over a picture of two humans in matching armor. Garrus’s gut heaved as if he had just been thrown across the room. It was the newest Spectres, a team of humans that the council had entrusted to go after Saren Arterius. He focused on what the asari was saying, although he already knew the story. He had read it every day since the story had debuted just under a month ago. 

“ - Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams, humanity’s first Spectres, unexpectedly encountered their rogue counterpart on Virmire. Although the total number of casualties has not been confirmed by the STG, sources close to the battle suggest that the numbers would have been higher had the two Spectres not been present. Leaked footage shows Spectre Williams facing off against a charging krogan! The two could not be reached - “

Garrus slammed his fists down on the table, startling the volus who had approached from behind with his drink. 

“You will be charged for anything you break,” she warned, placing the glass cylinder in front of him with extreme care. 

“Can you turn that off?” He motioned to the news, the asari still gushing about the fine work of humanity’s greatest assets. 

The volus shrugged and lowered the volume, but the screen stayed on. 

“Not a fan of the news?” a voice from behind inquired. 

There was a leaden ball bouncing beneath his carapace, and the question irked him more than it should. “Tired of hearing about their exploits,” he responded with venomous disdain. 

“Tell me about it. Blah, blah, blah, we get it, they’re saving the world. Let me know when it’s about to blow up, that’s all I care about.” 

With a huff of amusement, Garrus turned in his chair, his eyes connecting with a human woman sitting the table over. Her feet were propped on a chair across from her, a crumpled jacket and bag thrown across the other two. A little human taking up a lot of space. Typical. But her smile was easy and engaging, and she seemed keen on conversation.  

“I’m Shepard,” she supplied without him asking. She stuck a hand out, leaning forward to reach across the table. Hunched over, he could see the couple in the corner table, an asari and a human man, were sitting knee to knee and staring intensely into each other’s eyes. 

Garrus took the offered hand, focusing back on the least weird of the strange things in the cafe, and gave it a stiff pump, up and down, before letting go. Dix was also a fan of handshakes, he handed them out everywhere they went, but they felt strange to Garrus. Maybe it was because humans had such small, soft hands, and even with gloves on, he could feel how fragile they were. Yet he had witnessed Dix attempt to shake not one but two krogan’s hands. “Vakarian.” 

Dead silence filled the space between them. Shepard smiled blithely, unaware or uncaring that his introduction was wooden. She gestured to his drink and asked, “What’s that?” 

“Uh.” He looked at the untouched beverage in front of him, then took stock of the four empty glasses in front of Shepard. “Dextro, I don’t think you’d like it.”

“Ah, right.” She nodded, a curly red ponytail bobbing behind her, and tapped her temple with a finger as if she had been given the missing piece to a puzzle. “Different biology.” 

“Very.” 

The volus was busy behind the counter helping a new guest, her machines chugging away as she ripped open fridge doors and slammed them back shut. The amount of noise she was making seemed impossible. 

Shepard smiled wide enough to bare her teeth, and she jerked her chin towards the volus. “She’s always like that. This place, too. Super loud, impossible to have a conversation. Or concentrate. Forget about making plans,” she said with a laugh as if she came here often to make plans. 

Then why are you trying? he thought, but he managed to say, “Must be bad for business.” 

“Could be why it’s so slow.” The human shrugged and readied herself to say more, but a beep from her omnitool cut her short. Her brow furrowed for a moment, but she looked back up at him with another quick and easy grin. “That was work. I’ve got to run.” 

Garrus tensed his mandibles as she began to gather her things, but nodded as if he understood her rush. He thought about his own work, the monotonous task that brought him to the cafe in the first place and had by extension trapped him in an awkward conversation. 

The woman breezed past his table, her unfolded jacket revealing a brilliant crimson geometric pattern on the back. “It was nice meeting you, Detective Vakarian.” She paused mid-step to glance back at him, her smile morphing into something wicked. “It’s usually better to make your calls to the captain in private. Never know who could be listening.” 

Shit. 

He rose to his feet, but before he could make it around the table, she had pitched her bag at him. He raised his arms, expecting something hard to pelt him, but instead, the limp fabric bounced off his carapace and clumped at his feet. A crude but efficient distraction; it bought her enough time that she had made it out the door, pushing through a crowd at a full sprint. 

The volus yelled something after him, but he was out the door in pursuit. Even at this hour, the Citadel was crowded, and he could see Shepard fighting her way through a crowd near the stairwell. 

“Citadel Security!” he shouted, his voice carrying over the din of conversations. “Stop that human woman!”  

Shepard had just worked her way through the crowd and was rocketing down the less congested stairwell. She jumped down the last few steps, stumbling before correcting herself and turning the corner, descending out of sight. 

“Hey, officer, which human?” someone shouted back as he ran by. 

“Forget it,” he hissed between clenched mandibles. 

He made the stairwell in half the time she had, his long legs carrying him a greater distance and making it easy for him to vault down double the steps. The floor below was slightly less crowded, but the red-headed human was nowhere in sight. 

That’s not a problem, he thought. He opened his omnitool and turned on the pathway that allowed his visor to pick up bio-signs. Not strictly legal and not something the captain would be happy about if she found out. He had promised to use it only with prior authorization. Baumvi claimed it amounted to illegal use of monitoring equipment, but he had a point to prove. 

Tiny heat signatures flooded his field of vision, and with a few more taps he had limited the readings to include those that belonged to “xenobiology: human,” increased heart rate, and perspiration. The pinpoints of activity reduced to a more manageable number. 

He took a brisk but controlled tour of the floor, matching the signatures to anyone he could see. There were a lot of sweaty humans, but only one he was interested in. 

His tour stretched past the show floor and into what should have been an employees-only loading dock. It contained the back product and newest arrivals for all the stores, restaurants, and cafes in a specific floor range. The door was coded, but the friendly green light indicated this one had been unlocked recently. And just inside the room, no more than a few feet from the door, a panting, sweating human.

Got you. 

Garrus wasn’t interested in a shoot out - though he had no idea if she had a gun - and wrestling with a suspect never looked good. The room would be full of crates and shelves, and though she looked low to the ground, he couldn’t tell what she was behind, or how much stood between them. There were too many unknowns, even if it was just one human. He opted for the more peaceful route, rapping the back of his hand on the wall before hollering, “If you come out now, all I’m going to do is ask you a few questions!” 

The signature bobbed, a sign that she was shifting her position in some way, but the distance remained fixed. She wasn’t coming out and she wasn’t running. 

“I’m going to come in,” he warned, and after a pause, he stepped into range of the automatic doors. 

A few things happened all at once, but before she smacked into him, he noticed with unease that the room was empty. There had been nothing between her and the door, and as soon as it opened, she lunged at him, her arms wrapping around his waist and her legs dropping between his. She was falling to the ground and taking him with her. 

He was dense and under normal circumstances, she shouldn’t have been able to take him down, but she had the element of surprise. He was unsteady on his feet from the shock, and she dragged him down before he could correct his stance and stand firm. 

“Ooof.” The fall knocked the wind out of Shepard, and she lay still beneath him, a look between mild amusement and frustration playing across her features. 

“Didn’t think that out did you?” Garrus rose quickly to his feet, alleviating some of the pressure she was feeling. She had managed to take him down alright, but she hadn’t been prepared for the weight of a turian. 

She regained her composure quickly and rejected his offered hand. “No,” she admitted as she stood, her knees still a little shaky, “but I thought it was worth a shot. Did the job well enough.” 

He didn’t take his eyes off her as he unholstered his weapon. “Did what job well enough?” he inquired. Though it was all beginning to make sense. 

She took a few steps away from him, her lips pinched together as she eyed the gun in his hands. Then her face relaxed, the now familiar grin pulling at the corners of her lips, only this time he saw how fake it was. “I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough. You’ll get a notice that there’s been an armed robbery, and it will be awful embarrassing when it turns out you were at the scene of the crime, chatting away in a cafe.” 

“We were talking for two minutes,” he spat. Two minutes was all it would take for professionals, he knew that, especially if they had already started by the time he sat down. It was just enough time for them to slip out, and even without alarms, he would have clued in on a group of humans leaving. Would have looked enough to know that something was up even before the alert was sent. 

Shepard knew what he was thinking, and the grin reached her eyes as she looked up from the gun, her chin tilted back in defiance. “Plenty of time,” was all she said. 

I’m never going to hear the end of this.

A quick sweep of the room confirmed that they were alone, but there was nothing more he could do with her here. He was going to have to take her in and face the wrath of the captain. “Alright,” he began, holstering his gun again and pulling out a pair of handcuffs. “You’ll be coming with me.” 

The ease with which she submitted should have raised a few alarm bells. If not that, then the toothy grin she offered up as the handcuffs tightened over her wrists. Everything pointed to a reckoning. But all Garrus could think about was how angry Captain Baumvi was going to be. 

Orsant was right; groups of humans couldn’t be trusted. 

[elizaviento]

Protect & Serve

Okay.  @lolliequinn gave me the inspiration for this Cop Rick x Reader fic that’s been brewing in my head for the last few days.  This first chapter contains a good bit of the Reader’s back story and, yes, this will be another multi-chapter affair.  (Although, it won’t be nearly as long as Assimilation.  You’re welcome, lol.)  Anyway, without further delay-- 

Protect & Serve (part 1)

(Cop Rick x Reader)

SFW (for now, but not for long)

(FYI:  Additional chapters of Protect & Serve can be found in the Rick Fic Masterpost link in my blog description.  Or, you can click the #protect & serve tag in this post, within my blog, to access additional chapters.)

*****

I met my first Morty a year and a half ago.  I had been brought in to assist with an initial evaluation at the group home he was assigned to three weeks after his entire family had disappeared.  The exact circumstances that led to the disappearance were hazy at best and all anyone could seem to get from the poor boy is that his grandfather was the ultimate culprit.  Every other detail Morty begrudgingly divulged seemed ripped from a fever dream; talk of portals, interdimensional travel, alien worlds, alternate realities, infinite versions of not only himself but of nearly every person in existence.  Yeah, I had seen more than my share of cheesy science fiction films, but none were ever as descriptive or – dare I say – believable as what poured from Morty Smith’s mouth.

Eventually, he was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and was put on so many medications that he soon became just a shell of a boy.  I continued to see him on a regular schedule; no less than once a week.  When he wasn’t drugged up into a near catatonic state, he seemed happy to see me.  I would try my best to get to the truth of what happened to him and his family, but he would either constantly change the subject or tell the same story he’d asserted time and time again.  After several months of this, I changed my tactic and just tried to be a friend to him.  I would show up to our weekly appointments with games, candy and junk food and spend our allotted hour trying my best to go over his personal goals which consisted of relaxation techniques, educational milestones and socialization.  He was a sweet boy and I felt him growing on me as the months passed.  And, even though his trauma was severe, I could see the curious, fun loving side of him hiding just underneath.  

Then, one day, he was gone.   

I’d arrived to the group home at the same day and time as I usually did, expecting to see him either in his room or in the common area playing video games. But, when I checked in with the receptionist, she told me to take a seat and the director of the home would be by to fetch me shortly. 

“I’m sorry to be the one to inform you, but Morty Smith was claimed by a relative last week, right after your last visit,” the director said when we were securely behind the closed door of his office. 

“How is that possible?  It says in his chart that he has no other family.  He’s essentially an orphan.”  I opened his chart and began scanning through the information for what felt like the millionth time since he’d been assigned to me just shy of 6 months earlier. 

“A man showed up claiming to be his grandfather’s twin brother.  After searching through family records, we confirmed his story.”

“Okay,” I replied, pinching the bridge of my nose.  “But that still doesn’t explain how this man was able to just take Morty and stroll away with him. Morty was court ordered to this home.  There would have to be another court hearing to determine if that man was even fit to care for Morty, given his serious diagnosis!”  I was beginning to raise my voice in ire as I continued to explain my position.  There was no way any of this could be possible just from a legal standpoint alone, not to mention an ethical standpoint. 

The director just blinked at me and gave the same speech he’d given seconds earlier. It was like he was in some type of trance and any countering argument or insistence of further information was swiftly knocked down. 

“Fine.” I conceded, standing from my chair to prepare to leave.  “Then I have no choice but to report this to the state’s child protective services.  I have a duty to Morty as his case worker to make sure he is cared for and safe and I have not been given the proper assurances or required documentation.  I’m also going to note in my report that you, personally, have neglected your professional duties as the director of this facility.”  And, with that, I left. 

When I made it to the sanctuary of my car, I couldn’t stop the tears that stung my eyes and leaked down my cheeks.  It was a blessing but also a curse that I had a personal conviction to care for children such as Morty. I didn’t know if I would ever find out what happened to him, but I swore to myself – and to him – that I would try my best.

However, when I finally got home that evening, I was shocked to find him sitting on my living room couch.   

“Morty!  What the hell?!” I screamed, startled.  I dropped my bags on the floor to quickly closed the distance between us, kneeling directly in front of him.  How did he get in here?  How did he even know where I lived?

The first thing that struck me is that he looked… different.  He had put on weight – no longer the bone thin boy who hardly ate during meal times – and was dressed in a suit and tie.  His hair was slicked back and he no longer sported dark circles under his eyes.  He looked like a normal teenage boy dressed up for a junior high school dance. 

He didn’t speak. At least, not at first.  He only placed a hand on my shoulder with a calm smile and turned his head in the direction of my dining room where a man sat in one of the chairs.  He was dressed in some type of guard uniform and looked eerily familiar.

“What’s going on here, Morty?  I was at the group home today and they said you were released to your grandfather’s twin brother.”  And, that’s when it hit me.  The man sitting in my dining room looked identical to the photos I’d seen in Morty’s file of his grandfather, Rick Sanchez. “Is that him?” I asked.  Then, leaning closer and lowering my voice - “Or is that Rick?”

Regardless of how discrete I had tried to be, the man had obviously heard me as he quickly rose from his seat and began to approach Morty and I. Instinctively, I shifted my crouched position so that my body was completely in front of Morty, attempting to shield him from any harm the man may try to inflict. 

“It’s okay,” I heard Morty say from behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder once again.  He sounded calm and lucid which immediately took me aback. “I’m not the Morty you think I am.  But, I’ve been watching you and I’m very impressed with the dedication you’ve shown to the Morty of this dimension.  We could really use someone with your type of character on the Citadel to help other wayward Mortys.”

At this point, I was completely speechless and felt my stomach drop to my toes.  Morty – my Morty – had spoken of the Citadel many times during his, what I assumed to be, psychotic ramblings.  Could it have all been true? No, it couldn’t be…

The man dressed in the guard uniform was now standing directly in front of me and was offering his leather gloved hand.  Seemingly running on autopilot, I took it and allowed him to pull me to my feet and slightly away from Morty.  Then, I heard the flush of a toilet and whipped my head toward my bathroom as it opened to reveal Morty – another Morty. This one was dressed in a white button down oxford shirt and black slacks and was carrying a briefcase.  Around his neck, there was an ID badge that read –

Morty Smith N-1519 – Personal Assistant to the President

“Mr. President –” the other Morty began, glancing at his watch, “– we need to get back soon. You have a speech in two hours and you must prepare.”

Morty – President Morty? – nodded and turned his attention back to me.  “The Morty from this dimension is fine, by the way.  We took him to the Citadel last week.  You’re more than welcome to see him, if you decide to join us.  So, what do you say?”

--------------------

A year later, I found myself standing outside of a run down, abandoned building in the middle of what the locals called ‘Morty Town’, waiting for my mandated and mandatory Citadel Police Department escort.  As I flipped through the files of each Morty suspected to be squatting in the building, my mind began to wonder back to that night, when my life was flipped upside down.  As I stood here now, I didn’t regret my decision to move to the Citadel.  It was actually very easy to leave my old life behind considering most of my family lived on the other side of the country and I didn’t have many friends to speak of since I was a self proclaimed workaholic.  Once I had agreed, President Morty gave me two weeks to settle things in my home dimension before sending his assistant and the guard back to fetch me.  He then gave me an additional two weeks to acclimate myself to Citadel life, which was decidedly more difficult. 

Mortys and Ricks. Ricks and Mortys.  Everywhere.   

I’d never met a Rick before that night in my apartment.  But, being thrown into an entire space station full of them was very unsettling.  Mostly because they were all exactly alike but incredibly different.  It was an oxymoron of there ever was one and I fumbled through the nuances of daily life among them.   

Getting used to the throngs of Mortys was just as difficult, which is something I should have expected.  Thousand and thousands of 14 year old boys stuck in the middle of space with almost no females – of course it was an adjustment, to say least.  Despite the constant giggling, red faces and awkward flirting, most of them were joys to work with – except for the ones that weren’t.  But, those were different stories in and of themselves and the main reason I was recruited and voluntarily gave up my life on earth to come here. 

I was suddenly pulled from my thoughts when I heard the crunch of tires on the gravel covered asphalt and turned my body to face the police cruiser as it approached and parked just behind my car.   

“Hello, Officer Sanchez,” I greeted with a smile as he stepped out of the cruiser and adjusted his utility belt.  He gave me a small smile in return as he strolled toward me with his hands in his pockets.   

“Just call me –”

“Just call you Rick,” I cut in, smiling wider.  We played this game almost every time he was required to meet me for what was mandated as a ‘risky’ assignment and somehow, it hadn’t gotten old.  At least, not for me.

“One cream, no sugar,” I said, plucking a cup of coffee from the drink holder on the roof of my car to hand to him.   

“Uh, thanks.  You didn’t have to –”

“I know,” I acknowledged, cutting him off again.  I seemed to do that an awful lot and it sent a frustrated blush to my cheeks every time.  “Just consider it a ‘thank you’, okay?  I know it’s your job to come assist me with these visits but I appreciate it nonetheless.”

He only nodded in response as he took the cup from my outstretched hand, his fingers lightly brushing mine in the process.  Immediately, my neck and cheeks flushed anew. 

Damn it. 

As much as I hated to admit it, I had been harboring a crush on Officer Sanchez for most of the year I’d been here.  The first time I found out that I was required to take a police escort on ‘risky’ visits, I had been offended.  I was a seasoned professional at that point and knew how to take care of myself in iffy situations.  I had even taken self defense classes and carried mace on me at all times.  I tried arguing this point with my boss - another Rick - and even went to President Morty myself, but it was hopeless.   

“You’re the best we’ve got.  Most of the Mortys trust you but you know first hand that some of them have been traumatized well beyond trusting anyone.  This is for your own safety.”  He then left me standing in the waiting room outside his office, frustrated and determined to make miserable any officer who was unlucky enough to be stuck with me.  What an absolute brat I had been. 

“What – what do we got?” Rick asked me, taking a sip of his coffee and leaning casually against the side of my car. 

“Um – looks like four Mortys are squatting in this building.  All of them are presumed to have been caught up in the unsanctioned Pocket Mortys ring and are most likely still chipped,” I replied, flipping through the files to try to familiarize myself with each Morty’s individual look.   

“Yep,” he agreed, placing the coffee back on the hood of my car to check his utility belt.  He pulled out a taser and handed it to me.  “Take this.”

“Rick, you know I can’t –”

“Just – just take it,” he interrupted, grabbing my hand and thrusting the weapon into my open palm.   

I relented with a sigh and shoved it in the back pocket of my jeans before pulling an elastic band from the opposite pocket.  I then proceeded to tie my hair up into a tight bun, remove my earrings and other jewelry, and pull the belt from the loops of my jeans.  I’d worked with troubled kids long enough to know that the first rule of thumb is to never give them something to grab on to.   

After throwing the jewelry and belt into my car, I took a huge gulp from my coffee and dumped the remainder on the asphalt.   

“Ready?” he asked, removing his sunglasses and tucking them into his pocket so I could finally see his breathtaking brown eyes.

“Yeah.  Let’s get this over with.”

To be continued...

P.S.  Thanks for reading!  I think this will be a fun journey.  :)

[actual-cryptid-leshy]

The sky’s gonna hurt when it falls

Jeremy doesn’t keep many secrets, but maybe he’s gone a bit too far with this one. It’s totally fine though, really! He just has to lie a little more, and then it’ll all be fine again. He just has to show his friends why he loves theatre so much, and then they won’t all leave him when he tells them he’s been keeping it from them for basically their whole friendship! Haha. Yeah…

Jeremy wants to be in the school musical (true), because he wants to get to know Christine (also technically true). Because he has a crush on her (not true)

Word count: 33.5k

Read on AO3

Jermey Heere has a fool-fucking-proof plan.

Well okay, it’s a Jeremy-proof plan, and he’s the biggest idiot he knows, so same thing. No he’s being too harsh on himself again. He’s not that incompetent. He can do this. Definitely maybe. Anyway the point is that it’s a pretty solid plan, and if he follows it everything will be okay. Most likely. Probably. Oh fucking hell who’s he kidding this is gonna end terribly, but he’s sort of stuck with it now.

It started when he said he had a crush on Christine. Wait no it started when he needed an excuse to be in the musical. Actually it probably started the day Mr. Reyes said that they were gonna hold auditions for Heathers The Musical in three weeks. Yup that seems about right. The announcement had come over lunch one crisp September morning and it had marked the beginning of something, or maybe the end. Jeremy isn’t sure yet. He was seated at the usual table, Michael to his left like always, Brooke on his right for a change. Jenna usually sat at his right, but she was on the other side of the table talking Chloes ear off. Not that it looked like Chloe minded, because apparently this was some grade A Gossip-with-a-capital-G. Rich sat next to Michael, and across from Jake. The two were talking about The Game. Jeremy was assuming it was a football game, but he couldn’t be sure, no matter what sport the two talked about it always sounded the same. But it was nice seeing how enthusiastic they were. He was about to add something to the conversation Brooke and Michael had started up about Wonder Woman when Mr. Reyes had coughed loudly into the overhead system, making most of the people in the cafeteria wince.

‘’The drama department would like to announce that this years production is going to be Heathers, that is The Musical. Auditions will be held September 26th. Lines and songs for auditions can be picked up at my office at regular hours, a sign up sheet will be posted on the noticeboard within the week. Have a nice day.’’ and then the system went quiet, and so did everything in Jeremys head. Heathers. They were gonna do Heathers. He’s doomed.

There’s not much Jeremy doesn’t tell his friends, and even less he doesn’t tell Michael, but there are two very big secrets that he has never told a living soul. One of them is that he’s a fucking theatre geek. It hadn’t started as a secret, just something he was a little bit embarrassed to admit to anyone, but then his obsession grew and he still didn’t tell anyone and now it just feels like a big secret even though it might not be that important. It feels important. It feels like his friends are gonna be angry if he tells them now. Either because he’s a nerd or because he kept it from them for so long or maybe even both. It’s irrational, he knows. He never meant for it to build up into this huge thing, but he certainly never planned on telling them either, so make what you want of that. He had a plan. He was gonna ignore it until high school was over, and then he was gonna do…something. Probably either tell them or like gradually open up about liking show tunes or something. Except now there was a wrench in his plans. A Heathers shaped wrench. See, Heathers is Jeremys favorite musical, go figure. He’s wanted to try and be JD in a production for a long while now, and here was his chance. Who knows when he’ll get another opportunity like this? Freeze your brain starts playing on repeat in his head as he watches Michael sip the slushie he got from the 7/11 around the corner, and his heart clenches almost painfully. He’s kept this secret not only form his friends, but also his Best Friend, for a long while now. He’s almost scared. But maybe this can be it? Maybe he can use this to show them how amazing theatre is? God he hopes that’s how it’s gonna work out. At least he can change his name and run away to Seattle if he needs to. He laughs to himself at the reference, and notices Brooke and Michael staring at him. ‘’What?’’

‘’You’re spacing out dude, you okay?’’ Michael asks, a touch of concern in his voice. Brooke nods her head on the other side of him, her hair gently flowing with the motion.

‘’Yeah I’m fine, what were you guys talking about?’’ Jeremy answers. Michael giver him a look that very clearly says he doesn’t believe him, and they will talk about this later. But for now he simply launches back into the debate Brooke and him were having about which Wonder Woman outfit was the coolest.

‘’I mean the movie version is very clearly inspired by actual armor, it’s the most practical and it still stays true to the original design!’’ Brooke argues, and Jeremy nods along. ‘’Okay yes but the original comic book one is iconic, it’s the basis for what we know and love today, and the movie armor wouldn’t have the stylish look if it weren’t for the original.’’ Michael counters. He’s a sucker for source material, even though he can accept the faults of earlier versions of things he likes.

‘’I hear you both,’’ Jeremy says diplomatically.

‘’but also consider issue #209 when she fights Medusa.’’ The other two look scandalized.

‘’Those shoes were terrible!’’ Michael declares.

‘’That wasn’t even close to real armor.’’ Brooke huffs at the same time.

‘’I see my diplomatic skills are unwanted, and will take my leave.’’ Jeremy makes as if to stand up, but the two latch onto one arm each.

‘’You’re not going anywhere until we discuss your terrible taste.’’ Brooke says, a smile tugging at her lips. Michael isn’t as good at schooling his features, and is full on grinning as Jermey gets comfortable in his seat again.

‘’Yeah dude, the movie outfit is way better than that one. Like yeah it’s cool, i mean it’s Wonder Woman, but no. Story 10 outta 10, outfit a solid 4.5.’’ He says, looking to Brooke who nods.

‘’Yeah, I mean I’d have to admit i prefer the original outfit to that glorified monstrosity. I never understood why they always felt like plastering an entire gold eagle on her boobs, Seems inconvenient for fighting.’’ Michael is nodding along sagely.

‘’Peace at last!’’ Jeremy exclaims, and they both punch him in the arm as the three of them descend into giggles. The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch.

Jeremy has almost forgotten about the musical as he heads to Michaels car. He can see him leaning against the drivers door, headphones on and eyes closed, bobbing his head to a beat. It’s such a familiar and comforting sight that warmth blooms in his chest just by seeing it. And then Michael opens his eyes and sees him, a small but bright smile stretching across his face and the warmth increases tenfold. Jeremy raises the hand not clutching the strap of his backpack to wave, even though he’s only about five cars away. ‘’Michael!’’ he shouts happily, as if he hand’t seen him next to last period. Michaels smile widens a bit and he lowers his headphones to the customary position around his neck.

‘’Hey dude! Ready for some Zombie ass kicking?’’ Michael asks, as if the answer isn’t obvious.

‘’With you? Always.’’ Jeremy says with cheer in his voice as he gets into the passenger side of the car. The stereo is on and blasting some sort of punk, Michael leans over to turn the volume down, the bass line rumbling trough the car.

‘’So, are you going to Richs’ party?’’ Michael asks, eyes on the road. Jeremy consider it for a bit. Rich throws some cool parties, but they tend to be loud, and crowded, and usually something breaks.

‘’Maybe, depends on how I’m doing I guess. You?’’ Jeremy is looking directly at Michael, staring really, because he knows Michael will keep his eyes on the road anyway.

‘’I mean if you go I’ll go. No offense to any of our friends, but i don’t really like drunk people, so you’re really the only one worth hanging around at parties.’’ Something in Jeremys chest tightens again.

‘’I’m not the only sober one at parties though, you know Jenna doesn’t drink, and Chloe goes light on her booze too.’’ He counters, he doesn’t know why, but he just needs to hear what Michael will say next.

‘’Yeah, but they’re not you.’’ Oh, okay yeah, good answer. He’s glad he asked after all.

They finally turn onto the street the two of them live on, and Michael parks his car in front of his house. It’s a quick hello to his moms before they both disappear into the basement. They throw their bags by the bottom of the stairs and collapse into their respective beanbags.

‘’Okay so I’ve given it some thought and i genuinely believe we can just ignore the first dude and just go.’’ Michael says as he boots up the game. Blood dripping letters appear on the screen as the scream track plays something that the game developers must have thought of as ‘bloodcurdling’.

‘’Really? He doesn’t like come after us or anything?’’ Jeremy asks almost disbelievingly. He watches as Michael selects their save. Level 9.

‘’Yeah I tested it out briefly, if we just push past him he’s gone.’’ Michael confirms, pressing start. The level music for The Cafetorium leaks trough the speakers. Tinny and 8bit, and Jeremy is pretty sure he’s never gonna get that melody out of his head after how many times he’s heard it on repeat just trying to beat this god damned level.

‘’Alright dude, let’s go!’’ Michael whoops, as if it’s the two of them actually gearing up to mad dash by a raving lunatic.

‘’Right behind you!’’ Jeremy yells back, and then they exit the double doors right behind the pixelated avatar of their enemy. The first wave of zombies rushes them, but they’re prepared.

The musical doesn’t really enter Jeremys head again until he’s back home. His dad was sat on the sofa, pants-less of course, and had ignored him as he trekked up to his own room. Lying in bed he puts his headset on, he doesn’t use it as often as Michael uses his, but it’s still important to him. He puts his music on shuffle, and almost like a sign ‘I am damaged’ starts playing. He listens to JD beg Veronica to back away. He can picture the scene in his head. The song is only one and a half minutes long, but he feels the explosion at the end reverberating inside his skull. He gets up and skips ahead until ‘freeze your brain’ comes on, and then he lip syncs the entire number as he envisions himself strolling trough a stage set up of 7/11. With each pretend word he sings he feels his courage build, until he forgets to only pretend to sing. He can’t really hear himself over the music in his ears, but he feels the sound in his throat as he sings the words.

Freeze your brain

Shatter your skull

Fight pain with more pain

Forget who you are

Unburden your load

‘’JEREMY!’’ he hears his dad shout from downstairs. He pauses the music, pulls the headphones off.

‘’Sorry dad!’’ He shouts back, listens as his dad walks away from the staircase and back to the sofa. Jeremy sighs and looks at himself in the full length mirror on his closet door. He doesn’t really look like a JD. He’s skinny, gangly, eyes too big and face too…awkward. He opens his closet and pulls something out from the very back. It’s a very long very black something. He slips the trench coat on, flips the collar up, stuffs his hands in his pockets. Tries to look vaguely threatening. It doesn’t really work, so he tries for angry. Nope, still no good. He tries to make his face a blank mask, and for a second he thinks he has something, and he breaks into a grin from the joy of it. Oh wait. He sighs, runs his hands trough his hair, messing it up. He’s really thinking about doing this. Maybe he can just lie to his friends? Pretend he’s doing something else? But no that wouldn’t work. Plus he doesn’t feel too comfortable lying even more to his friends.

His mind drifts for a bit. Remembers last years performance of Romeo and Juliet. They’d all gone to see it together, just because. Supporting your local actors or whatever. Christine had been an amazing Juliet. He’s pretty sure he saw Jake cry when she killed herself at the end. Christine is an amazing person overall, she has such endless enthusiasm for theatre. Actually she has it for just about everything she does. Jeremy has kinda admired that about her since freshman year. And maybe secretly wanted to be her friend too. He’s just…way too awkward to make friends. Honestly? He’s only part of the friend group he is in now because of Michael. He’s known Michael since kindergarten, but Michael befriended Rich, and Rich brought along Jake, and Jake used to date Chloe but they’re friends now, and Chloe brought along Brooke and Jenna, and here they are. Somehow they all get along, and it’s nice. They’re all different, but they mesh in different ways and it’s pretty great. His mind drifts back to Christine again, and it hits him.

The Perfect Plan.

It’s Wednesday, and the audition sign up sheet is on the noticeboard. I repeat, the audition sign up sheet is on the noticeboard. Jeremy had seen it as he headed into lunch that day, and he couldn’t get it out of his head. He’d briefly glanced at the names already written, and he had seen Christines. It was the only one written in glitter gel pen. God that’s adorable. It takes Michael three tries to get Jeremy to notice him, so he’s already suspicious when Jeremy makes his way over and sits down next to him. He’s the third to arrive, Michael and Rich have History together.

‘’Dude, you’ve been totally spaced this week. Everything okay?’’ Michael asks, there’s concern in his voice and his eyes, and Jeremy feels so lucky. Michael is the best friend anyone could ask for, especially Jeremy. He knows Michael is asking about a lot of different things with that question alone.

‘’I’ve just been thinking about something, I’ll tell you when the others get here.’’ Michael raises an eyebrow, but drops it all the same. Best friend ever.

It doesn’t take long for the rest to show up, and Jeremy has to keep himself from laughing as Michael fidgets. Obviously anxious for Jeremy to share what he’s been keeping to himself for three days straight. That’s a long time for Jeremy to keep a lid on something in his book.

‘’So…’’ Jeremy starts, before the different conversations within the group really have a chance to begin. They all look at him, noticing that he wants their attention. They’re good friends, he finds himself thinking again.

‘’I’ve been thinking about joining the musical this year.’’ he says, feeling his confidence and his voice slowly draining away as they look at him. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

‘’Really?’’ Chloe asks in that Voice, and he knows she doesn’t mean it like that but it’s a blow to his confidence all the same.

‘’Yeah I-I uh, I’ve kinda been uhm… c-c-crushing on Christine for a while.’’ he admits softly, staring at the table now instead of meeting anyones eyes. He misses the look that passes between them.

‘’And she uh, s-she always… participates? In productions?’’ he glances up, he can feel his face heat up and he’s pretty sure he matches the shade of Michaels hoodie at this point. Hiding his face in said hoodie sounds like a very good option right about now, but he soldiers on.

‘’I f-figured I could get to, like, know her? And maybe ask her out?’’ he glances over at Michael, and for a split second he doesn’t know what to feel, because Michaels face has an expression that he’s never seen before. It feels like someone has ripped the floorboards out from underneath him, and he’s falling and floating at the same time, in uncharted void, as he holds Michael stare for a second. Then Michael gives him a reassuring smile, and he’s dumped back into his body, moment over. He glances around at the rest of their friends, and they’re all wearing something similar. Encouraging. Friendly. Jeremy feels his shoulders sink from where they’d hunched up around his ears, tension easing away.

‘’Go for it dude!’’ Michael says, and it’s as if he has given the signal, because suddenly they’re all encouraging him. Not to be in the musical, but to go after Christine. It’s alright, he thinks, but he can’t help the slight stab of sadness in his gut. The encouragement is nice though, even if it’s for the most untrue part of this plan.

At the end of lunch Michael follows him to the notice board, watches as Jeremy pulls out a green sharpie and hovers the tip over the next blank line. Jeremy hesitates. Michael notices.

‘’Even if you don’t get a part, you can probably talk to her during auditions, or even bond over the experience. Either way it’ll be fine dude.’’ Michael places a hand on Jeremys shoulder, it’s warm trough the thin fabric of his cardigan, and he feels the warmth seep into his bones, calming him. He takes a deep fortifying breath, and writes his name, followed by the part he’s auditioning for. Michael reads over his shoulder. ‘’JD? Isn’t he like, the main character?’’ Jeremy stiffens a bit.

‘’U-uh yeah, I figured Christine would be Veronica, so why not?’’ he can’t look Michael in the eyes as he says it, looks at the wall instead. He feels something bad and rotten in his stomach. He really doesn’t like lying to his friends, but he consoles himself that it’ll all be over after this. He’ll come clean. It doesn’t really make him feel much better.

‘’Do you want me to come watch your audition, for y’know, moral support?’’ Michael offers, and it’s a sweet thought, really.

‘’No!’’ Jeremy answers way too quickly. He clears his throat, tries again.

‘’No, it’s fine, really. I think I’d be more nervous with you there actually.’’ he mutters, looking up at Michael quick enough to catch the slightly hurt expression. He backtracks like a pro.

‘’N-not that it’s a bad thing or anything, it’s just that I’d be way more worried about messing up in front of you since you’re my best friend and stuff.’’ he rushes trough the sentence in one breath, eyes darting to the wall and back to Michaels face again. Michael has a slight smile, and worried eyes. He slings one arm around Jeremys shoulders, and it’s one of the few instances Jeremy appreciates being a few inches shorter than Michael. It feels safe, reassuring.

‘’It’s cool, dude. I get it.’’ Michael says lightly, in a tone that means he really does get it. It makes Jeremy relax instantly, almost melting into Michaels warm side. He could stay there forever, probably. Tucked away from the world, surrounded by the smell of the basement that’s ingrained itself in every piece of clothing Michael owns. the bell rings, completely shattering the moment. Jeremy is going to kill that bell one day, he swears it.

‘’Time for class, let’s go to hell.’’ Michael says as he steers them towards their shared math class. The only bearable thing in math class is Michael, Jeremy thinks bitterly, but allows himself to be roped along.

They head back to Michaels after school, as is customary, but this time the rest of the gang tags along. Michael and Jeremy have been complaining about Apocalypse of the Damned for what feels like forever, and they wanna see what it’s all about. It’s not the first time they’ve had gaming sessions like this at Michaels. They’ve had some intense game-night-turned-game-weekend sessions. Michaels mother greet them all as they enter, his other mom is still at work.

‘’Want me to bring you kids some snacks?’’ she asks, and Michael bounds over to kiss her on the cheek.

‘’Yes please and thank you, Ina!’’ he chirps. There’s a chorus of ‘Thank you Mrs. Mell’ from the rest of the teens as they all make their way down the dark stairway.

‘’One day someone is gonna trip and die on these stairs.’’ Rich says, like he does every time he has to walk down the steps in the dark. Nobody really pays him any mind. When they’ve all made it down safely, the extra beanbag is pulled up next to the other two, and the small sofa is shoved up behind them. Michael and Jeremy take up their usual spaces. Jeremy on the far right, Michael in the middle, and then Rich plops down on the far left one. Jenna curls up in the right corner of the sofa, Brooke and Chloe cuddle up in the middle, and Jake lounges on the left side. The seating is gonna get scrambled as soon as they start switching seats to give the others a go, but it starts like this. Michael boots up them game, finds the level 9 save file, and Jeremy feels like he’s going insane as soon as the first few notes of music hits his ears. Without further ado they push past the first guy, bursting trough the double doors at the back. The first wave of zombies hit them, and they both duck for cover behind upturned tables.

‘’Cover!’’ Michael shouts as he spots the opening in the wave pattern, advancing as Jeremy shoots down the zombies that get too close. Michaels pixelated avatar crouches behind another table, a small box right next to it. He selects it and adds the grenades to his inventory. In the meantime Jeremys character has jumped behind the counter, and armed itself with a knife. As Jeremy makes his way back to where Michaels avatar is, with some helpful cover fire, they wait for the opening. Jeremy spots where the mass of approaching zombies is the thinnest first.

‘’Upper level!’’ he says, and Michael responds with a simple ‘’I see it.’’ Michael launches a grenade and the wave opens. ‘’Dash!’’ he yells, doing just that. Jeremy takes up the rear, making sure the wave doesn’t close in around them from the back, while Michael keeps it open in the front as they advance. The game progresses like this, the two of them only communicating in short words, but otherwise knowing exactly where they need to be. The others are at the edges of their seats. It’s not a terribly exciting game, but it’s an experience watching the two of them play it together.

‘’Shit!’’ Michael swears, as he accidentally makes his avatar go the way jeremys was supposed to go. They’ve played it a lot of times, and Jeremy is the one who’s most used to dealing with this part of the level. He notices, of course.

‘’Switch.’’ Jeremy says, and almost as quick as lightning the two of them switch controllers, leaving Michael free to go where he needs to, and Jeremy to take care of the area Michael had wandered into.

They almost make it. Michael lets out a dramatic ‘Jeremyyyyyy!’ as his avatar crumples to the ground in a pixelated heap. Jeremy croaks in his best death rattle,

‘’It’s up to you now Mikey, you’ve gotta go on.’’ and go on he does. He fights valiantly, and gets further than the two ever did before. He can see what he thinks might be the exit, and also the end of the level, but before he reaches it the final wave overpowers him.

‘’This one’s for Miah.’’ he says in his best action hero-y voice as he sets off the final grenade, taking down almost all of the zombies surrounding him, and his own avatar.  The other laugh and whoop and start a small fight over who gets to go next. Michael hands his controller to Rich, and gets up to switch places with Jake. Jeremy gives Jake his controller as he sits down. Michael curls up on the sofa and watches the blue light form a halo around Jeremys fluffy hair. He sighs, and Brooke catches his eye and lifts one perfectly shaped eyebrow. He shrugs her look off, goes back to watching Rich and Jake get overrun by zombies, and trying not to back seat game. When they’ve died five times in a row Chloe gets up and stands next to Jeremy until he gets then hint. Jeremy gets up and plops down in the open space next to Michael while Chloe demands that Jake hands over the controller, citing that he’s obviously the weaker link. Jeremy feels tired, he’s been stressing about a lot of things lately, so he does what feels natural. Which of course is lean on Michael to get comfortable and then promptly fall asleep. He vaguely feels Michael wrap an arm around him before he’s completely gone. It’s warm, safe, and smells a little bit like weed. Not that he minds. It’s come to the point where weed literally just reminds him of Michael.

‘’Nap time?’’ he hears Michaels voice, far away. It sounds lower than usual, as if he’s whispering. Jeremy faintly feels the breath of the words ghost across his cheek. He nods slowly, effectively smooshing his face further into Michaels hoodie, making the other laugh a little. A hand settles in his hair, and then he’s out like a light.

September 26th approaches with a vengeance, and Jeremy feels like he’s gonna explode from the nerves. Sure he’s excited, there are butterflies in what feels like every little nook and cranny of his body, even his fingertips are tingling with it. But oh god the crushing feeling of impending doom isn’t something he can easily ignore. His friends notice it all throughout the day, from his fidgeting in class to the way he keeps spacing out trying to get to his next one. When lunch rolls around Jeremy is the first one seated at their table, he looks like a statue, body and face frozen in a neutral pose. It’s worrying, to say the least.

‘’Heyyyy buddy!’’ Rich says as he plops down i the seat on Jeremys right.

‘’How’s it hanging?’’ Michael adds on as he settles in on the left. Jeremys hands are shaking where they rest on the table, but doesn’t acknowledge their arrival. Michael and Rich share a concerned look as the others settle in around them. Brooke leans over from her seat across from Jeremy to cover his hands with hers. His head snaps up to look at her, as if he just realized they were all there.

‘’You know you can back out, right? You can find another way to talk to Christine I’m sure.’’ she offers him, her tone is reassuring, aiming for comforting. Jenna joins in from Brookes right,

‘’Yeah Jerm, we could even talk to her for you. This is like, really stressing you out.’’

He appreciates the effort, but it’s all aimed at the wrong thing so he can’t really find solace in what they’re telling him. He takes a deep breath, trying to get his voice under control.

‘’I’m mostly just sc-cared of making a f-fool out of myself. What if I do a terrible job? What if I’m not a convincing JD? What if my voice cracks when I sing?’’ he’s shooting off rapid-fire what-ifs and Michael decides he needs to put a stop to this.

‘’Jerbear, look at me.’’ he cuts in. Jeremy snaps his mouth shut, whips his head around to look at Michael.

‘’You’ll do fine, you’ve been reading like crazy, and don’t think I haven’t caught on to the song you’ve been humming for the past week and a half. You’re gonna go in there, you’re gonna do your thing, and it’ll be great.’’ Michaels warm brown eyes are deep, and looking like they’re begging for Jeremy to calm down. So he does. His shoulders sag as the tension in his body releases, his hands uncurling. Brookes hands are still holding onto his, and they’re warm and nice. A lot warmer than his are, that’s for sure. Also a lot less clammy. Ew.

‘’Are you sure you don’t want us to come as moral support?’’ Rich asks for what feels like the 100th time. They’ve all offered, and Jeremy has declined each time, just as he’s doing now.

‘’Yeah, no. I really appreciate the gesture, but if I know you’re watching I’ll just get more nervous.’’

They can sense that he’d rather leave it alone for now, so that’s what they do. Lunch passes relatively quiet for the otherwise rowdy bunch.

‘’I’m just saying, he said he’d be nervous if he KNEW we were there, so if he doesn’t know it’ll be fine, right?’’ Jake argues. Rich is by his side, nodding enthusiastically.

‘’What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?’’ Brooke adds on carefully.

‘’We’re still going behind his back, doing something he doesn’t want us to do!’’ Michael argues.

‘’As his friends we really should respect what he wants.’’ Jenna says, flanking Michael. The two stare down Jake and Rich as Brooke and Chloe keep to the sidelines, holding hands.

‘’If we keep arguing about this we’re gonna miss it!’’ Rich almost yells. They’ve been periodically peeking in trough the side door, to the annoyance of some of the people close by, trying to keep track of where Jeremy is in the lineup. As Jake peeks in once more he suddenly snaps to attention.

‘’It’s his turn!’’ he whisper-yells excitedly. He’d caught Jeremy introducing himself, he was gonna start singing soon! Michael steps in front of the door.

‘’I’m not letting you do this.’’ he says as he adopts a defensive stance. They all know it’ll create too much of a commotion if they were to try and get past Michael. Something in Richs eyes flash, and then he grabs Jakes arm and runs for the staircase. The others stare after them in confusion before Chloe realizes where they’re headed.

‘’The back entrance!’’ she yells, taking off after them and dragging Brooke behind her. Michael and Jenna are quick to follow. They catch sight of Rich and Jake right as they sneak in trough the door, and hurry to follow them as quietly as they can.

‘’Don’t open a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeein!’’ Jeremy sings from the stage, and they freeze. Sure, they’ve all heard him sing before, but nothing like this. His voice is raw with emotion, lifting and falling, his eyebrows are drawn and he stares across the empty auditorium as if he isn’t really seeing it but is still looking for an answer somewhere out there. Michael feels like those eyes are staring into the very core of his soul. His voice grows softer.

‘’Just freeeeeze your braaaaaaiiiin. Freeeeze your braaiiiiiiin. Go on and freeeeze your braaaiiiin.’’

The music cuts out suddenly, and Jeremy is left standing there. Wholly himself again and flushed with nerves. He says thank you and leaves the stage.

It had all been over in a flash for Jeremy. He’d gone up there, stomach protesting and hands cold and clammy. Then the music started and he fell into the well practiced words with ease. Let the music carry him and tell him who and where to be. It’s over before he registers the tightness in his chest. As if the music had dragged his voice out of him before his nerves could protest. He’s not sure if he did good or bad, can barely remember how he’d moved while he’d been singing those words. It was almost like back home, just singing because he liked it, letting the music carry him away. He steps off the stage with legs that feel like they’re gonna give out from under him any second, and thus stumbles into Christine. He’d watched as she’d delivered the section from the opening number as Veronica, and of course she had been perfect. She reaches out and steadies him, the next one in the lineup steps past them to go on stage.

‘’Woah hey there, you okay?’’ she asks. He fights with the lump in his throat, trying to force words out instead of weird grunting noises.

‘’U-u-uh ye-yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. Fine. Totally fine. Peachy, even.’’ he tries for a smile, but it obviously doesn’t work from the look on her face.

‘’Why don’t we go sit over there?’’ She points to a few seats off to the side, and he nods dumbly. She leads him over, guides him to sit in the chair before taking the one next to him. She doesn’t let go of his arm.

‘’You were amazing.’’ she says finally, and he chokes on air.

‘’Th-thank you. You too. Amazing. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna get the part.’’ he says once he can breathe somewhat normal again. She blushes and smiles. Geez that smile is brighter than the stage lights. It looks good on her.

‘’Thanks, I’m pretty sure you’ll get JD too actually.’’ and yup he’s out again.

‘’I don’t know about that. This is literally the first time I’ve auditioned for anything. I barely remember even going up there.’’ he says in a soft voice. She stares at him, almost as if in disbelief.

‘’That was your first? Oh my gosh! That’s so cool!’’ She says brightly, volume rising, and that smile is back and he’s pretty sure he’s gonna be blind by the time he’s introduced himself properly. Oh right, introductions.

‘’I’m Jeremy.’’ he says without any preamble, because that’s what his brain has decided on apparently.

‘’I’m Christine! Nice to meet you!’’ she answers anyway, volume increasing once again, because apparently she’s very used to dealing with weirdos. It wouldn’t surprise him really.

‘’My friends and I are gonna go get milkshakes after this, as a celebration I guess, wanna come with?’’ and hoo boy okay brain please slow down and check in once in a while before making him say things like that holy hell. This was not what he was planning but apparently he’s lost his god damned mind. Christine just smiles, her eyes crinkling and teeth pearly white.

‘’I’d love to!’’ she says, and this time someone does shush her.

The gang watches Christine grab Jeremys arm and lead him over to the chairs by the wall.

‘’Oh my god is he panicking? I can’t tell from here!’’ Brooke whisper-yells at the others. They all watch as the two of them talk, Christines smile never leaving, Jeremys face a bright red. And then the auditions are over and they’re getting up to leave.

‘’Shit we gotta go back!’’ Jake exclaims, clambering for the door. They’d promised Jeremy they’d wait outside the auditorium for him. The six of them rush out the back door and fly down the staircase, having just enough time to catch their breaths before Jeremy spots them trough the throng of students, he waves at them and as he comes closer they see Christine trailing behind him.

Holy.

Shit.

‘’H-hey guys.’’ he says as he gets within hearing range.

‘’I asked if Christine wanted to come with, is that c-cool?’’ his face is still very red. It takes a second for the question to register, and then they’re all clambering to reassure them both that yeah that’s totally fine and cool, the more the merrier. They all start heading towards the parking lot, Christine and Jeremy end up at the back of the group, and the others leave them be. Except they’re all totally listening in of course.

‘’I really loved you performance in Romeo and Juliet by the way. The way you handled the death scene was so good. I cried.’’ Jeremy says, and the others want to smack him upside the head. Yes he’d cried, but you don’t say that to someone. Except Christine doesn’t look too bothered about it, she looks…happy?

‘’Really? That’s such a huge compliment! Romeo and Juliet always moves me to tears when done right, to know that I managed to do the same is a great feeling!’’ her enthusiasm is never ending it seems, as she keeps up the conversation for the most part, Jeremy nodding and smiling, interjecting comments here and there. When they reach the parking lot they automatically split up, Rich and Jake heading to Jakes car, Brooke leading Chloe and Jenna to hers, which leaves Christine to follow Jeremy to Michaels car.

‘’It’s cool if she rides with us, right?’’ Jeremy asks Michael, and it’s probably the most at ease he’s sounded since he exited the auditorium. Michael doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that it’s probably because Jeremy is talking to him.

‘’Of course dude!’’ he turns to Christine to shoot her a grin, but she’s already beaten him to it. She opens the door to the backseat and sits in the middle, so she can lean forwards and be a part of any conversation going on in the front. Michael takes his seat behind the wheel and Jeremy claims shot gun as per usual. Michael briefly wonders if he should banish Jeremy to the backseat, so that he can sit next to Christine, but the thought doesn’t sit right with him so he leaves it be.

‘’How’d your auditions go?’’ Michael asks nonchalantly. Glancing at Christine in the rearview mirror, and then sideways at Jeremy.

‘’I-I don’t know dude, I don’t remember much between getting up there and practically stumbling off stage afterwards. It could have been worse?’’ Jeremy says in an unsure voice, switching between looking at the road ahead and looking at Michael. He’s about to respond when Christine cuts him off,

‘’Are you kidding me? You were the best JD candidate by far! You hit every note perfectly, and the level of emotion! Wow! You said this was your first audition? You handled it like a pro! Even though you seemed a bit nervous, but most people are during auditions anyway.’’ Christine rambles. Michael watches Jeremys face, which had recently reverted to a somewhat normal hue, flare back into brilliant red. His hands creep up and up until he’s covering his eyes, and then he wraps his arms around his head as if he’s trying to hide.

‘’I think you broke him.’’ Michael says with a laugh catching Christines eye in the mirror, she looks worried.

‘’It’s fine, if he was as good as you say, he deserves all the praise.’’ Michael amends, lifting one hand off of the steering wheel to ruffle Jeremys hair. Christine is beaming again, and Jeremy lowers his arms a bit before speaking up,

‘’You were amazing too, you know. You’d make the best Veronica for sure.’’ he doesn’t say much more, too embarrassed to go on, but Christine soaks up the praise nonetheless.

September makes way for October. Halloween is quickly approaching, and Jeremy has officially known Christine for about a month. She’s started sitting at their table, always next to Jeremy, always on his right side. Michael sits in his seat to Jeremeys left, and he doesn’t know how Christine knew that was the usual deal, but he’s glad he can keep sitting there without any uncomfortable confrontations. It’s a small piece of normal in what’s been an unusual month so far. Jeremy spends a lot of his free time practicing with Christine. This means he spends less time with his other friends. Oh sure the two of them join the group for stuff, but they always sort of keep to themselves a little. It’s like they’re seeing a new side of Jeremy. It’s sort of cute, seeing him blush and stumble over his words, like he did with all of them before he settled into his space within the group, until he got comfortable with them and started trusting them. But it’s also a bit…disconcerting in a way. They haven’t seen Jeremy this enthused over almost anything, except maybe video game night with Michael. It also doesn’t help that he’s become somewhat stagnant in his pursuit of Christine.

They see how she looks at him, she hangs onto every word and encourages him to open up, she latches onto his right arm (always the right arm) every time they hang out. It’s so obvious that she like him! Like, look at them right now;

‘’A-and then I-I started doing her lines instead of mine!’’ Jeremy admits to the table during his re-telling of last night rehearsal fiasco. His face is red, but he’s smiling, and there’s laughter in his voice. He’s so comfortable admitting to ding something wrong, it’s strange, because the Jeremy they know is so scared of failure.Always second guessing himself and worrying about what other people think. He worries a bit less that they’ll thing anything bad about him, but he had admitted once that even then he sometimes worries just because he can’t help it. Even though he logically knows that he doesn’t have to. So to see him like this, at ease with telling them about something embarrassing he did, Christine clothing his arm and laughing along with the story, interjecting a few comments from her perspective of the whole ordeal. It paints a strange, yet pleasant picture.

They’re good for each other, that much is plain for all to see. Christine used to hop lunch tables, not uncommon for someone with so many different interests, but it seems like it’s doing her some good with stable friendships. She’s been talking to the other girls a lot outside of school for instance. Connecting and sharing gossip, sharing tips and tricks for their daily lives. They’ve also found that while she isn’t that into video games she still likes watching them play, and she’s a blast to bring to the arcade. Watching her decimate previous high scores on the Dance Dance Revolution and karaoke machines is sight to behold. She looks so alive and happy with the neon lights illuminating her face, the cheers of support from the sidelines egging her on further than ever before. The Undefeated Queen of DDR is legendary.

Chatroom: F I G H T

AmericanDragon: hey hey hEYYYYY

AmericanDragon: HALLOWEEN PARTY CONFIRMED™

AmericanDragon: ur all comin no excuses

RichBich: hells yeah dude!

Player1: f yea

DDRqueen: I love halloween parties!!

MythicBinch: sure

GossipGirl: I’ll be there!

BeanieBabe: yay!!!! i’m gonna get my costume ready!!!!

Player2: nice!

AmericanDragon added RichBich, GossipGirl, BeanieBabe, MythicBinch and Player1 to the chat

AmericanDragon named chat ‘now kiss’

AmericanDragon: lets get our boy some ACTION

Player1: wtf jake

GossipGirl: What’s the plan?

AmericanDragon: good attitude

AmericanDragon: we’re gonna get jerms n chrissy together if its the last thing we do on halloween

BeanieBabe: but how???

MythicBinch: easy. truth or dare

Player1: remind me to never cross u

MythicBinch: do u even need a reminder?

Player1: good point

Player1: okay so we get drunk, we play truth or dare, then what? and isn’t this a bit juvenile?

AmericanDragon: nah this is perf!

RichBich: omfg yea totes, we dare him to tell her

Player1: that’s never gonna work dude, he’d just get mad at us

GossipGirl: We dare Chrissy to kiss Jerms, and then proceed from there?

RichBich: better plan okay fine i bow down in the dust for the power of Rolan

GosspiGirl: Finally, the respect I deserve

Player1: that might just work actually, let’s go

The party is in full swing that weekend. It’s mainly the gang and a few friends from their classes, but everyone is singing and drinking and dancing and having a good time. Jake is pretty sure he just saw Brooke dressed as the dog filter on snapchat, that’s fucking awesome. He wanders towards the kitchen and finds Christine talking to Jenna. She’s wearing a floor-length gown in deep purple, and she looks regal. Jenna is wearing a t-shirt that someone has written ‘COSTUME’ on in sharpie. It makes him chuckle. Christine catches his eye and she smiles, so he walks closer.

‘’So I said What the hell Michael Mell, and I didn’t even notice I was doing the rhyming thing too!’’ Jenna says and Christine bursts out laughing.

‘’Is that where it’s from? Jeremy says it all the time!’’ Christine says once she can breathe again. Jenna raises an eyebrow.

‘’He hasn’t told you? Doesn’t he talk about Michael?’’ Jenna asks, and Jake wants to shake her just a little bit. Jenna shoots him a glance as if she knows what he’s thinking, and telling him to let her do her thing. He swallows nervously.

‘’Oh all the time! It’s nice, they’ve been friends for so long so he has a lot of good stories.’’ Christine smiles, not a trace of jealousy in her expression. Jenna wants to frown. Christine is just too sweet for such a tactic.

‘’Speaking of Jeremy, you heard anything from him or Michael? They’re running late.’’ Jenna transitions smoothly. Christine looks expectantly at Jake.

‘’Nothing, I’ll text Jeremy. Michaels probably driving.’’ Jake says as he finds his phone.

To Jeremy:

yo dude where u guys at?

The phone in Jeremys pocket buzzes with the incoming text, but he doesn’t notice. He’s sitting in Michaels car, looking at Jakes front door, and not moving. He’s been like that for the past 5 minutes. Trying to convince himself that going in there won’t be the most horrible kind of torture he could put himself trough. It’s not working. He knows he’ll have a good time if he just goes. He always has a good time at Jakes parties, he always always has a good time with his friends, and lately also with Christine. And she’s in there too. The thought makes the weight in his stomach turn over nauseatingly. The thought of people looking at him is really no appealing though. He vaguely finds himself wishing he could just crawl into a deep dark abyss and never come back. Just disappear into nothingness so he doesn’t have to deal with everything.

‘’You ready?’’ Michael asks him. He’d said he needed a minute to prepare. And it’s true, sometimes he just needs to psyche himself up before social events like these. And then he goes out there and he’s fine and he has his friends if he’s not fine and it’s good. It’s all good.

It’s not working. Jeremy glances over and looks at Michaels expectant face. He doesn’t look too happy about this party either, but he hides it better than Jeremy, that’s for sure.

‘’I-I-I-I ca-a-an’t M-Mikey.’’ Jeremy stutters out. His hands are so cold. His skin feels like it’s too big and too tight, as if it’s been stretched over shapes it’s not supposed to cover. God he’s so uncomfortable. He closes his eyes, curls up in the passenger seat. Michael looks him over, then sighs.

‘’Wanna go home?’’ he asks, voice soft and understanding. He knows the feeling all too well himself. Jeremy peeks out at him, and the sight makes Michael a little sad. There’s so much tension in his posture, so much worry in his eyes. Michael has the urge to gather him up and tuck him away from the uncaring and unforgiving world Jeremy has built around himself.

‘’I’m sorry. You can drop me off and then come back.’’ he says in a tiny voice. Michaels heart breaks a little more.

‘’Nah dude, I’d rather hang with you.’’ Michael smiles, and starts the car before Jeremy can protest.

Chatroom: F I G H T

Player1: i’m taking miah home

RichBich: shot hopes he feels better soon!

RichBich: *shit

GosspiGirl: Send him our love!

BeanieBabe: <3 <3 <3 !!!

MythicBinch: <3

AmericanDragon: damn, keep him safe

Christine looks up from her phone as the messages stop appearing one after another. She looks over to Jenna quizzically, and when she catches her eye Jenna sighs.

‘’You’ve noticed that Jeremy gets nervous a lot, right?’’ she opens with, and Christine can only nod. Of course she knew, it wasn’t really something you could easily miss about the boy.

‘’Well he has like, social anxiety? It gets to him sometimes. Michael has it too, so he understands the best, and they usually take care of each other when it gets rough.’’ Jenna explains. Short and to the point. Christine is quick to unlock her phone again, pulling up the group chat.

DDRqueen: <3!!

The chat is a weird place for her sometimes. There are a lot of references she doesn’t get. Like why the chat is named ‘F I G H T’. Jeremy had mentioned it was left over from an argument they’d had about pastries ages ago, and then it had just stuck. But she enjoyed it nonetheless.

Then there are times like these when someone will say something and everyone has the same response and she’s left sitting in the dust until someone explains it to her. She’d admitted at one point that she felt a bit stupid when that happened, but they’d all quickly reassured her that it was fine. It was a lot of fun trying to explain the different things to her, and they wanted her to be able to join in of course, she was part of the group now! Sometimes she still felt like Jeremys tag along though. Like right now, she felt a little lost, adrift in a sea of people she doesn’t know all that well, with no Jeremy to tie her down. Oh well, she muses. No better time to get to know them better, right? She jumps back into animated conversation with Jenna and Jake.

When Jeremy gets home he collapses face first into his bed before clutching his pillow to his chest and curling up on his side, facing outwards. Michael puts the ‘Sad Chill’ playlist on from Jeremys laptop. The soft notes slowly fill the room, and Michael sits down with his back against the bed. While the circumstances aren’t ideal, it feels nice, being just the two of them again. Jeremys arm creeps out over the edge of the bed and dangles next to Michaels shoulder. He reaches up and grabs it, running his fingers over the knuckles and noting the way it’s slowly warming up. Jeremy sighs deeply, trying to melt into the welcoming softness of his bedsheets. Maybe if he could just disappear into the comforting softness it would all be better. The warm hand holding his isn’t too bad either.

‘’Wanna talk?’’ Michaels voice cuts into the music, but Jeremy doesn’t really mind. He likes Michaels voice.

‘’I’m sorry for stopping you from going to the part.’’ Jeremy says instead of a real answer. Michael squeezes his hand.

‘’Don’t apologize dude, it’s cool. You’d do the same for me.’’ Jeremy smiles slightly and tucks his face into the pillow.

‘’Yeah, I would.’’ is the muffled answer, but Michael still hears it, and it makes him smile. It’s the quickest way to get Jeremy to stop beating himself up over something like this. They both know Jermey would drop just about anything to come to Michaels aid, and vice versa. It’s a good feeling to be able to trust someone like that. Of course there are always things you just can’t drop, instances where just being there isn’t an option, but the good thing about friends is that they understand that too.

‘’You’re my favorite person, Mikey.’’ Jeremy says, and he sounds so very tired, and it’s adorable. It’s not the first time a half-asleep Jeremy has said something like that to him, but it doesn’t stop the way his stomach flutters, the way his fave heats up and a smile involuntarily stretches across his lips.

‘’You’re mine too, Miah. Now take a nap’’ he answers. The hand in his goes slack not soon after, breaths evening out. He doesn’t let go.

Chatroom: now kiss

RichBich: well thats that plan out the window

RichBich: any other suggestions?

Player1: i’m sorta happy we didn’t go trough with the plan, looking back it’s a terrible plan

GosspiGirl: How dare you

Player1: no i’m serious! it would be a hell of an uncommon sitch

Player1: we’ll just figure out something else

AmericanDragon: i’ve got an idea!

BeanieBabe:??

MythicBinch: jake?

RichBich: Where’d he go?

GosspiGirl: I see him, he’s talking to Chrissy

AmericanDragon: what??

Player1: well what he sayin?

GosspiGirl: idk hang on

Jake had made his way over to Christine with purpose in his step. She’d been hanging by the wall, taking a break from trying to interact with people, and didn’t notice Jake until he’d leaned up against the wall next to her. She turned her head and smiled at him, but before she could say anything he started speaking.

‘’Look, I need to tell you something.’’ he said it with the most serious tone she’d ever heard him use, and that put her on edge immediately.

‘’Jeremy joined the musical so he could ask you out, but we think he’s starting to doubt himself again, so as his friends we’re stepping in. We see the way you are together, and you’re good for each other. I mean, you like him, don’t you?’’ Jake looks at hr like he already knows the answer, as if she herself has admitted to him she’s completely gone for Jeremy Heere. She doesn’t answer him, only stares in stunned silence, feeling a stab of something run trough her stomach.

‘’Next week, Pinkberry? You guys could get lunch and just, i dunno, talk about stuff?’’ he looks like he’s not 100% sure where he’s going with this, which leaves Christine even more lost. Had Jake just asked her out, on behalf of Jeremy. All the new information turns over in her head slowly, before she nods at him, Her eyes tighten just a bit, her smile is forced for once. But he doesn’t know her well enough to spot it. If Jeremy was here he’d recognize the smile, the facial expression, but he’s not, so Jake is left to give her a relieved smile before he nods and heads off. HE’s immediately intercepted by Jenna.

‘’I can’t believe you just did that!’’ she almost shouts at him.

‘’Hey! It worked, didn’t it?’’ he says defensively.

‘’Wait, it did?’’ Jenna asks, her face morphing from rage to confusion in the blink of an eye.

‘’Totally!’’ Jake answers cheerfully, smiling from ear to ear.

‘’What worked, exactly?’’ Jenna asks, reproachful.

Chatroom: now kiss

GosspiGirl: JAKE WTF

MythicBinch: o shit rolan pulled out the caps, how much did he fuck up?

AmericanDragon: HEY

AmericanDragon: i thought i did good!

AmericanDragon: i got her to agree to go on a date with jerms next week!

BeanieBabe: !!!!!!!!!!!

MythicBinch: o dhit

Player1: YOU DID WHAT

MythicBinch: *shit

‘’I don’t care if it’s awkward for you to tell him! You did this! This situation is aallll cause a you, my dude. You get to figure it out yourself.’’ Michael whispers furiously at Jake during their first class together that Monday. Jake looks like he’d rather sink trough the floor than talk to Jeremy. He’s such a pathetic sight Michael almost takes pity on him. Almost. He waits for the teacher to turn back to the board.

‘’Look, Christine has one less class than us on Mondays, just tell her to wait for Jeremy at Pinkberrys and then we send him over there at the end of the day.’’ he sighs, and when he glances over at Jake. The dude’s gone fucking starry eyed on him. Great. He reaches across the small space between their desks and shoves at Jakes face, who only laughs. The teacher sends them a stern glance and Michael quickly retracts his hand, smiling sheepishly, before glaring at Jake. Jake does not look sorry in the slightest. He looks like Michael just saved his entire day. Michael just sighs.

Jeremy shares his first class with Brooke and Christine, and usually they sit two next to each other, and then one in front or behind one of them. It’s easier to talk to each other like that, creating a small triangle instead of a line. Christine is the last of the trio to arrive that day, and she sits down next to Brooke, effectively putting Brooke between her and Jeremy. His stomach immediately drops. He must have done something wrong, or something to offend her. He thinks frantically trough everything he’s said to her over the weekend to see if he can find something that might make her mad at him, and while nothing jumps out at him at first, enough overthinking can make anything into the reason she’s not speaking to him. And it does. Suddenly he can’t help but feel that she’s only tolerated him this past month. Surely she’s just been putting up with him. She’s probably closer to the other girls in the group now, but he’s in the friend group so she can’t just stop talking to him. Hell maybe she regretted ever taking him up on the milkshake offer. She probably does. She’s probably really fed up with him by now. All his stammering and the way he awkwardly hugs her and how his face is probably red about 60% of the time they talk and his cold clammy hands and-

The bell rings. Jeremy can’t remember having heard anything the teacher’s said all class. He’s been staring at the blank page of his notebook. When he glances up it’s just in time to see Christine walk out. She hadn’t said a word to him. Brooke looks like she’s unaware of the inner turmoil Jeremy is facing, which is fine. He’d rather not tell her anyway. He doesn’t really wanna start anything within the group anyway. They’d probably go for Christine over him. Who wouldn’t? She’s so happy and perfect and she doesn’t blow off plans last minute because her stupid brain decides that it’s time to freak out. He smiles at Brooke, who smiles back, before heading to his next class.

It doesn’t get any less awkward at lunch. Oh sure Christine is sitting next to him this time, but he’s acutely aware of how she avoids touching him. Even with her flailing gesturing as she speaks, she never once brushes against him like usual. Doesn’t nudge him in a friendly way. Doesn’t hold his arm like she sometimes does. Like he’s come to find comforting over the time he’s gotten to know her. He feels adrift, like he’s looking at her from the outside. Looking at the conversation going on around him from the outside. Michael is a solid weight against his arm, a solid being in a world that’s suddenly full of smoke and mirrors. It anchors him, but he can’t look at Michael. If he looks at Michael he’ll know something’s up, and if he knows then he’ll ask, and if he asks Jeremy will answer. Because that’s how they work. But if he tells Michael that Christine doesn’t actually want to hang around him anymore he’ll create a divide in the friend group. Michael will go with him because he’s a stupidly marvelously good best friend. But the others will surely go with Christine. He’s pretty sure he’d chose Christine over himself too. This ends up cutting Michael off from all of his other friends, friends he connected with without any help from Jeremy. He feels nauseous. The food in front of him doesn’t look appealing anymore.

He’s so caught up in his own head that he doesn’t notice Christine excusing herself, and leaving lunch early. She doesn’t say bye to him, so he can only watch her go, his mind a million miles away.

‘’Is she mad at me?’’

Which is probably why he only realizes he’s said something when the others have stopped talking and are now staring at him. He faces them, eyes wide and face beginning to redden.

‘’What?’’ Jake asks.

‘’S-she’s, Christine, has been…uh, a-avoiding me? All morning? I think.’’ he stammers out, voice small and unsure. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid. He glances over at Michael and yup, that’s worry. That is Michaels worried face. Great. Fucking fantastic. If only the void would take him now. He misses the looks the group exchanges, and misses the glares sent Jakes way, misses Chloe as she mouthes ‘Fix. It’ at Jake. What he doesn’t miss is Rich getting up and sitting down in the vacant seat Christine left. He puts an arm around Jeremy, and while it doesn’t calm him down it does make him feel a bit better. Rich is a good person.

‘’Maybe she just needs some time to figure things out. It’s very easy to withdraw from someone once you realize something in your relationship has changed, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing! She’ll talk about it when she’s ready. I mean it’s Christine, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a bad bone in her body!’’ Brooke says, breaking the silence. Jeremy looks at her, feels the prickling behind his eyes and his face heating up even more. He keeps the tears back, but can’t stop his eyes from watering a little. He gives Brooke a shaky smile.

‘’Thanks Brookie.’’ she only smiles, big and happy and endlessly confident that this will all blow over soon, and they’ll be back to normal and happier for it. Jeremy wishes he could believe in that smile fully, but he’ll take the temporary comfort.

To Chrissy:

u willing to meet w Jerms at Pibkberry today

To Jake:

yeah okay, i’ll be waiting

To Chrissy:

r u mad?

To Jake:

I don’t know

Jake stares, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. He feels like he’s sending Jeremy into the lions den when he approaches him at the end of the day.

‘’Jeremy!’’ he calls. Jeremy turns around and gives him a lopsided smile. Jake can’t help but think he looks small right then and there, even though he’s the second tallest person in their group. Well technically third, Jake and Michael are about the same height, but Jeremy isn’t that far behind. Jeremy stops to let Jake catch up to him.

‘’What’s up Jake?’’ Jeremys shoulders are lowered, his posture easy. He’s so clearly comfortable just talking to Jake right now and Jake hates that he knows exactly what’s gonna happen when he says the lines he’s been rehearsing in his head for the past hour or so.

‘’Chrissy said she’d meet you at Pinkberry after school today. I think she wants to talk?’’ as he expected Jeremys shoulders twitch, wanting to hunch up. His face becomes drawn, the smile a bit strained. Jake can see the worry seeping into his eyes.

‘’Okay. Great. Cool. I’ll see you later.’’ he says, and leaves. Jake watches him go, feeling helplessly lost in the sea of students around him.

Chatroom: now kiss

Player1: jerms just texted me saying he’s heading to pinkberry and that i should just go home

AmericanDragon: i have made a Mistake

RichBich: jake wtf

AmericanDragon: chrissy is acting so strange and i asked if she was mad n she just said idk????

AmericanDragon: n now jerms is headed to talk to her and im freakin out haha

GossipGirl: That’s it we’re going to Pinkberrys. Jerms is walking there so if we drive we can sneak in and sit, find Chrissy, find a good spot close where we can eavesdrop, and then possibly also step in if shit hits the fan. We owe Jerms that much.

BeanieBabe: yes!!! good plan!!!

MythicBinch: they might see us

GossipGirl: Leave that to me!

They take the other way around the school to drive to the mall, just in case Jeremy spots their cars. Or well, in case he spots Michaels car. It’s a very recognizable car what with all the bumper stickers and the fuzzy pacman hanging from his rearview mirror. It had been a gift from Jeremy, just a placeholder until Jeremy had been old enough to get his tattoo, so that they could finally match. The drive feels longer than it is, and Michael is sure it has something to do with the quiet in his car, he doesn’t really feel like putting on any music. They park their cars and meet up at the entrance. Everyone looks to Jenna.

‘’Michael you gotta take off your hoodie, it’s way too recognizable. Jake you take off your football jacket and give it to Rich.’’ they do as instructed as Jenna hands Chloe a beanie and a pair of sunglasses to Brooke. Jenna puts a baseball cap on and tucks her hair in.

‘’Clothes you wear regularly and hair are some of the most recognizable traits, this way if they glance in our direction it’ll be easier to go unrecognized.’’ she explains.

‘’You should work for the CIA or something in the future’’ Michael says. Jenna winks at him.

‘’Who says I’m not already’’ she smirks before leading the party into the mall.

There are two entrances to the pinkberry, since it’s sort of in the middle strip of stores, meaning you can walk straight trough it to the other side. They aim for the entrance that’s technically in the back, and get lucky. Christine is sitting in a booth with her back to them, meaning they can sneak into the next booth over and settle in without being noticed. Now all that’s left is for Jeremy to arrive and hopefully not spot them.

Jeremy makes his way to the mall slowly. It’s not that far away from the school to be honest, but he doesn’t wanna be drenched in sweat when he arrives. Also he might be a little scared. Who is he kidding he’s very scared, very worried, and he’s already sweating a lot. What a good Monday this is shaping up to be. Despite his slow pace he makes it to the mall relatively quickly. He makes his way to Pinkberry in a daze, and once he gets there his eyes zeroes in on Christine immediately. She’s looking at her phone. As he approaches he feels like he’s approaching his own death sentence. He stops in front of the booth and tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

‘’H-hey.’’ he says lamely, and Christine finally looks up. She doesn’t smile and Jeremy feels like he might already be dead. She nods to the seat across from her and he slides in. He doesn’t say anything, waits for her to start. On the other side of the divider behind Christine everyone holds their breath.

‘’Jake told me the truth.’’ Christine starts, and it throws Jeremy for a loop. He ends up staring at her and very intelligently stammer out,

‘’W-what?’’ in a meek voice. Christine huffs, her face pinching and he’s never seen her like this. Angry. And hurt. He doesn’t know what he did but he knows he’ll do anything in his power to undo it, just to get her to stop looking like that.

‘’You never wanted to be in the musical.’’ she accuses him, and it’s like a knife to the gut. Oh. She knows. She knows the truth that’s actually a lie and thinks the actual truth is an actual lie. Fuck.

‘’Chris-‘’ he tries to start, but she cuts him off,

‘’No. I can’t believe I actually believed you. And you were so nice and I thought I found someone who loved theatre as much as I did, was that all fake too?’’ she glares at him, and he feels so very small. He feels like he’s being pulled under, like he can’t breathe, and he wants to cry but he can’t cry now, how pathetic would that be?

‘’This isn’t the first time this has happened, and I’m so sick of it. I thought you were different.’’

Every word is like a blow, his chest keeps tightening and he feels guilty for something that isn’t even true, but he is a liar and a terrible person even though it’s not in the way she thinks.

‘’I thought you were better.’’ she says finally, and she sounds tired. She sounds tired and broken and Jeremy recognizes himself in that tone of voice. That might be what finally snaps him out of the downward spiral into the cold murky waters of despair, because when she gets up to leave his hand shoots out to stop her, catching her wrist. He can’t meet her eyes for a second, can’t find his voice, and the air between them is tense as he tries to get his scrambled brain to form a coherent sentence. She doesn’t pull her arm away.

Rich had been seconds away from getting out of his seat to stop Christine, but Jeremy actually beats him to it. The tension between the two seep into the air between the other six, and it feels like the tiniest movement could shatter the world. Jeremy breaks the silence after a small eternity, his hand clammy around Christines wrist. He looks up at her finally,

‘’Will you let me explain?’’ he asks, surprising himself. In the small eternity between grabbing onto her and opening his mouth he’s decided to tel her everything. Tell her the truth, the real truth. She’d understand, wouldn’t she? Or maybe she’d hate him, and then go tell his friends and then they’d hate him too and then the seven of them would leave him behind and they’d all be better off without hi-

His chain of thought is broken by Christine sitting back down and crossing her arms. He stares at her for moment before snatching his hand back and staring into the tabletop.

‘’Alright. Explain.’’ Christine says neutrally. He can tell she’s a bit annoyed, but she stayed. That has to mean something. He takes a deep breath and prepares to put words to thoughts he’s never let leave his head.

‘’It’s true that I lied, but I didn’t lie to you.’’ he glances at her, she uncrosses her arms, eyebrows raising, he looks back down.

‘’I lied to everyone else.’’ he admits. It’s freeing and terrible at the same time, like releasing a burden only to replace it with a heavier one.

‘’I told them I had a crush on you as an excuse to join the musical, because I didn’t want to tell them that I like theatre.’’ he almost whispers, but it’s still loud enough for the others to hear. Their faces all share the same shocked expression, and they feel… lost for words. Not that they’d say anything but, it’s like everything grinds to a halt all at once.

‘’That doesn’t make any sense.’’ Christine says, but there’s no accusation in her tone, only confusion. Uncertainty.

‘’I know!’’ Jeremy almost shouts, such a contrast to his last statement. He pushes his hair away from his face and oh yup that’s definitely tears sliding down his face. He avoids meeting her eyes as he raises his head, scrubbing an arm across his face. Trying ton hold back the tears.

‘’I know it doesn’t make sense. It was never supposed to be a secret but I just never told them and then I kept not telling them and then suddenly it was this huge secret. And it felt like I’d lied to them for so long and I don’t even know why and for some reason I thought they’d be mad at me? And it sounds so stupid when I’m saying it out loud because they’re good people, they’re the b-best people, and I thought something so bad about them but I just-‘’ he cuts himself off, taking a deep and shaky breath. No more tears leak out, and he’s grateful for that small mercy. He can’t bring himself to look at Christine yet.

‘’When I heard which musical we were putting on I decided I had to try to be in it, it’s my favorite musical of all time and I’ve always wanted to see if I was good enough to play JD. So I needed a good enough excuse to sign up for auditions, and then there you were.’’ now he does look at her. Her eyes are open, staring at him, her arms resting on the table. He smiles at her, shaky, and there must be something in his expression because she breathes in shakily.

‘’I’ve admired you since freshman year, when I saw you in Romeo and Juliet. Because after that I kept noticing you, and you were so…so unapologetically enthusiastic about what you loved, and at first I was so jealous of you, and then I started wishing we could be friends. But I’m terrible at making friends!’’ he laughs brokenly at that.

‘’I’m only in the friend group I’m in because of Michael, and on some level I’m always terrified they’ll realize I’m not worth hanging around.’’ at the other table Brooke looks like she’s about to cry, and the others can’t help but internally agree.

‘’It’s all in my head too, I know they’re not that mean, but I can’t help it sometimes. But yeah…I figured I could tell them I liked you, try out for the play, connect with you and maybe even be acquaintances? So honestly the fact that you’re in the group now is better than I’d ever imagined.’’ his face is red, both from the almost crying and the embarrassment, but he’s smiling slightly. Christine is speechless, hanging onto every word.

‘’I figured I’d tell them it didn’t work out with you, and leave it at that. But then I actually got the part and I somehow convinced myself that if I did a good enough job, if they saw me be an amazing JD, I could tell them that this is what I wanna do with my life.’’ he admits. And then he finally looks at her, he can’t really read her expression.

‘’I’m sorry I got you caught up in my lies, I didn’t mean to hurt you and I know I did anyway, and I hope you can forgive me for being a hurtful idiot.’’ he finishes. He feels wrung out, both emotionally and physically. There’s an ache in his chest, like a festering wound. It’s soon forgotten when he see the small sympathetic smile blossoming on her face. Her eyes shine as she says,

‘’Of course I forgive you.’’

The smile that stretches across his face is probably the biggest one that’s graced his face the entire day.

‘’I do have a demand though. You have to tell them after opening night. And I mean everything. They’re you’re friends, they care about you, they’d never hate you for something you love.’’ she says.

‘’Yeah, you’re right. I mean I already feel better having told you. And deep down I know they won’t be mad but it’s just…difficult to start a conversation like that sometimes.’’

‘’I can be there as moral support, if you want?’’

‘’Would you?’’ he looks so hopeful it almost breaks her heart.

‘’Of course!’’ she reaches out and grabs both his hands, beaming at him.

‘’Why Heathers though?’’ she asks him once they sit back down. After all that emotion they decided to actually get some frozen yoghurt. Jeremy has mint chocolate chip, and Christine has strawberry with mini marshmallows. The others are still there, Brooke having snuck off to grab her own frozen yogurt (peach flavor), and brings back blueberry for Jenna, vanilla for Chloe, and mint chocolate chip fro Michael. They all make faces as he digs in.

‘’I guess I’ve always seen some similarities between me and JD, not in a I’m-gonna-snap-and-blow-the-school-up way, but in the way he closes himself off from the world, how he’s hurting. Oh, and the songs are amazing, of course. Freeze your brain is my favorite cus we see the vulnerable side of JD. And it’s about slushies, so it reminds me of Michael. Even though it’s a sad song it cheers me up because of that.’’

At the other table all eyes shoot to Michael, who’s blushing.

‘’Speaking of Michael…’’Christen opens, and congratulates herself on the smooth change of topic.

‘’The others, I kinda get why you didn’t talk to them, but why not Michael? He’s your best friend, right?’’ Christine asks, fishing around for the last mini marshmallows in her cup. Jeremy blushes again.

‘’Oh well…I think it’s because he is my best friend. It feels even worse keeping secrets from him than the others.’’ Christine immediately latches onto the plural s.

‘’Secrets? As in, more than one?’’ she asks, leaning across the table just a little. The others pick it up too, and sharpen their ears. Apparently today is a day for learning your long time friends deepest darkest secrets. Jeremy is quickly going even redder.

‘’Okay! Okay! Yes, more secrets. There’s only two though, and you already know the first one.’’ he pleads.

‘’Is it bigger or smaller than the you being a musical nerd one?’’ he snorts at that, but quickly becomes serious as he considers it.

‘’Probably bigger.’’ he admits, knowing full well she’ll demand to him to tell her.

‘’I demand that you tell me.’’ she says with mock seriousness in her voice. And yes there’s a hint of deep curiosity there, but the good thing about Christine is that he knows he can just say no. Just tell her he doesn’t wanna share it and she’ll be fine with it. But it felt so good sharing the other, maybe it’ll be easier if he tells her this one too? The other table is quiet, full of tension as they desperately hope Jeremy will share this second secret with Christine and, unknowingly, with them.

‘’I’m in love with Michael.’’

Michael remembers the first time he saw Jeremy. Really saw him.

The moving truck had parked outside the house down the street late December. Pretty close to christmas, and Michael had wondered who could be bothered to move this close to Christmas. He’d glimpse the new people every now and then, two adults and a small figure in a bright blue coat.

His Ina had said they were a couple with a son about his age, and that he’d probably be starting in Michaels class in January. Nanay had told him to be nice to the new boy once school started, since it was always difficult to start in the middle of the school year.

‘’But why can’t we go over and say hi, we could be friends and then he’d have someone to hang out with when school starts!’’ Ina had smiled.

‘’You’re so kind, anak, I’m proud of you. But they’ve asked for some time to settle, so for now we give them their space.’’ he had nodded in understanding, even though he didn’t really.

This had lead to the first time he actually saw Jeremy being the first day back to second grade that January. He remembers the skinny kid with the floppy brown hair, hands twisting in his soft blue cardigan, a missing front tooth, big blue eyes. He’d stuttered out his own name, face a little rosy, and the teacher had seated him next to Michael. You’d think such an epic friendship would have had a grander beginning. Michael defending Jeremy as someone made fun of his stutter, Jeremy befriending the friendless Michael. But no, it starts with Jeremy sitting down next to Michael nervously glancing over at him, and Michael answering him with a blinding smile.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when he gets the new gaming system.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when he gets a pet rabbit.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when there’s a new movie he wants to see.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when he was getting braces.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when his grandma dies.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when anything happens.

Jeremy is the first person Michael calls when everything happens.

Michael is the first person Jeremy calls when his mom leaves.

They’ve been friends for four years, but it feels like forever. You can always find one with the other. They lean on each other and find strength in each other. They also keep each other on the right track. When she leaves Jeremy is inconsolable at first. He doesn’t understand.

‘’Did I do something?’’ he asks his dad, he gets a shaky smile and a shake of the head. And then his dad is gone again. Not like his mom is gone, but he’s just not there.

He spends a lot of time at Michaels place that year, goes there after school, hangs out during the weekends. Talks to his moms. Talks to his moms a lot actually. He latches onto them like he’s dying, and they notice. It leads to them sitting him down one evening, along with Michael, and having a lengthy discussion about how Jeremy’s feeling. Apparently nobody had really thought to ask him. Except Michael, of course, but Michael only has child like reassurances. And no means to better the situation on his own. He’s glad when his moms step in, because he was starting to feel like Jeremy might be slipping away. The talks become regular, and Reyna and Ami start visiting the Heere household to talk to Jeremys dad as well. He’s slowly getting better, and keeps thanking them for looking after Jeremy while he was being an idiot. His own words. But there’s something missing from the equation. The Heere boys keep saying she left because she was tired of dealing with something. It switches from money problems, to being a mother, to being a wife, to health issues, to some indistinct worry about the future. But it’s all strangely centered around Jeremy. They just don’t know why, until the end of that summer.

They’re looking trough the Mell family photo albums when they come across Michaels baby pictures. Michael, predictably, tries to snatch the album away. Reyna stops him however.

‘’I was in labour for seven hours, I deserve to gush about these photos.’’ she argues, and shows Jeremy the pictures of a very small Michael. He’s screaming, small face scrunched up and hilarious looking. Jeremy tries not to laugh, but a snort escapes anyway. Michael tries to tackle him, but Ami stops him.

‘’Now be nice anak.’’ she says, voice soft and full of fondness. Jeremy glances at her, then back to the picture again.

‘’If you gave birth to Michael, does that mean he has a dad somewhere?’’ he asks, quite innocently. Reyna and Ami share a look over the boys’ heads, and Ami gestures that she’ll handle it.

‘’You see Jeremy, Michael is our biological son. I’m what you call Trans, which means-‘’ she’s cut off as Jeremy gasps loudly, and it’s surprising enough that she just stops talking. All three Mells are looking at him in confusion, but he doesn’t notice, just stares at Ami with big eyes.

‘’You are? You’re married! And you have a family! And you’re happy!’’Jeremy exclaims.

‘’Uuuuuuuh…yes?’’ is the answer Ami gives him, and then he’s laughing. Laughing like he’s relieved. And then he’s crying, and Ami understands. She gets up and gathers Jeremy into her arms, and he clings onto her, buries his face in her shirt without a trace of embarrassment. He knows he’s safe here, so it’s okay. He cries himself out as Ami rocks him gently, petting his hair and shushing him. Michel gets up and settles in next to them, waiting for his turn to hug his best friend.

‘’Are you-‘’ she’s cut off by the frantic nodding of Jeremys head, and she sighs. Not long after Jermey releases his grip, and then he’s got his arms full of a different Mell instead. Michael clutches him tight, trying to squeeze every bit of love and understanding into Jeremy.

‘’I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s part of why we moved here in the first place. Fresh start.’’ Jeremy mutters into Michaels shoulder. Michael only shakes his head.

‘’It’s okay.’’ he says, and Jeremy would cry again if his head didn’t already hurt so much.

Nothing changes between them. Except now Michael knows why Jeremy changes in the bathroom instead of the locker rooms. Jeremy had always said he was uncomfortable in the locker rooms, and Michael figures that’s still true anyway. His Ina also tells Jeremys dad about puberty blockers, and tells him everything he can do for his son. She becomes an invaluable resource for Mr. Heere, and someone he can come to with questions he can’t ask his son. Everything seems to be on track to become better, maybe not just like it was before, but who says that’s not a good thing? That is, until Ami overhears Jeremy tell Michael something. She knows she shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but she can’t help it.

‘’I think my mom left cus she couldn’t deal with me. I heard her shouting at dad a week before she left, about how she wouldn’t be able to handle what I’m putting her trough.’’

It breaks her heart, so she steps in like the nosy woman she is. She knocks gently on the door, and the boys go quiet immediately. She cracks the door open, leans into the room.

‘’I’m sorry for listening in, but can I speak with you for a moment Jeremy?’’

Said boy glances at Michael before carefully nodding his head. She steps in fully and joins the two boys on the floor in front of the small tv the gaming system is hooked up to.

‘’As a child, it isn’t your responsibility to make sure you’re someone your parents can… deal with…or whatever. Your only job is to be you, and their jobs as parents are to accept you and love you, teach you and guide you, be there for you. It isn’t your fault your mom left, and I’m sure your dad would say the same.’’ Ami says in a confident voice. And he does. Not as eloquently, but twice as reassuring. Ten times as loving. A hundred times as accepting.

‘’Your mom didn’t leave because you couldn’t be a good child, she left because she couldn’t be good mother. It just wasn’t who she was supposed to be, and she hurt us in the process, so it’s okay to be mad at her, but in the end we just have to let her go, and move on. We can make it together, Heere men have always been resilient.’’ he says, and smiles, and Jeremy believes him.

They stick together trough thick and thin, Michael and Jeremy, Jeremy and Michael.

Player 1 and Player 2

The two of them against the world (against middle school).

Michael doesn’t notice at first. How could he? Jeremy is Jeremy, and Jeremy is his best friend. They play video games together, lounging across each other, sitting in each others laps, falling asleep holding each other, waking up still holding each other. Jeremy likes to cuddle, Jeremy likes hugs, Jeremy likes soft and warm things and Michael is soft and warm personified. Jeremy calms him down after panic attacks, Jeremy tells him he’s the best when his brain says he’s the worst, Jeremy says he’s his favorite person, Jeremy stops stuttering around him, Jeremy grows his hair out a bit, Jeremy calls his moms Ina and Nanay, Jeremy grows up.

Jeremy is cute.

The realization that he’s gay isn’t really a surprise. Well, he’s surprised he didn’t realize sooner. He tells his moms with little fanfare, and Jeremy with even less (who in turn admits he’s probably bi). Life goes on. Until his 14th birthday party. Jeremy is there. Of course he’s there, if you asked him he’d say he wouldn’t miss it for the world, and he’d mean it. They’re out in the garden, having a barbecue. Rich, a kid they met first year in middle school, is there as well. He likes video games and has a lisp, and Michael think’s he’s cool. He’s probably the fastest kid in their class. He’d sat next to Michael in math and then they’d been friends, and then Jeremy had slowly warmed up to him, and they’d bonded over their speech impediments. Michael feels like it should be a big deal figuring out you’re in love with your best friend, but it isn’t. It’s looking up into the tree that’s been in your back yard since forever, laughing and worrying at the same time that Jeremy is gonna fall and break something, and thinking you could spend the rest of your life like that. Laughing and worrying and loving this idiot. He starts high school knowing he likes Jeremy, he finishes freshman year knowing he loves him. He tells Rich, because he’s Michaels closest friend after Jeremy. And now he has to make that distinction because suddenly they have even more friends.

He makes it to junior year with his unrequited feelings. He’s also discovered that getting high chills him out, and helps when he’s feeling strung out and worn down. That’s also how the rest of the gang, excluding Jeremy, gets wind of his crush during sophomore year. It’s an old group chat they used to discuss what to get Jeremy for his birthday back in October, but the first word is ‘Jerms’ in the title and then he’s going for it.

Chatroom: jerms gon party

Player1: i’m so gay for jeremy

And that was that.

They promise not to tell Jeremy, like the good friends they are, but they all agree it’s hard to tell if Jeremy likes him back, beaches they’ve just always been that close. Sometimes Michael hates how close they are, and then he changes his mind about five seconds later. That also means that when Jeremy says he’s crushing on Christine, the others immediately pounce on him, making sure he’s okay. And what can he tell them? That he’s heartbroken? That he kinda wishes Christine would go away? That he kinda wants to sabotage Jeremy, just so he will keep being single, so Michael doesn’t have to deal with this? No. He doesn’t say all that, even though somewhere in the back of his mind he wishes he did. He wishes he had told them and they’d help him get Christine far away from Jeremy. But he doesn’t. He’s a good friend. He’s Jeremys best friend. He wants him to be happy. And if Christine is what will make Jeremy happy, he’s not gonna stand in the way of that. So he tells them that they’re gonna help Jeremy get Christine, because that’s what friends do, and he ignores the ache in his chest and the way he feels his heart break over and over again. He smiles and makes sure Jeremy is okay, and he’s glad he’s been dealing with these feelings for so long, because Jeremy doesn’t notice even now. Maybe Michael wishes he would.

Michael is pretty sure his head is gonna explode. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. The others are looking at him as if they absolutely agree.

What the fuck.

In the next booth over the conversation continues, as if Michaels entire world hadn’t just fallen apart only to be rebuilt again.

‘’Really?’’ Christine exclaims with glee, Jeremy is still bright red, but he’s smiling and nodding shyly. He looks…happy. He looks like he’s in love. Michael has never seen him like that before, but he can’t tear his eyes away. It’s like magic. Like a moth to a flame, and Jeremy is burning brighter than ever, and Michael is only one small moth feeling like he’s chasing the moon.

‘’Yeah, I think I started crushing on him when I was like 12 or something. It’s really stupid. I don’t even know if he thinks of me like that, if I’m even an option. But it’s fine, he keeps me grounded just by being next to me.’’ he looks off into the distance, all dreamy, and okay yeah Christine realizes he could never have been in love with her. This is Jeremy Heere in love, and she’s never seen him like this. Wistful, longing, and so at peace with it, more content to simply exist in the world than she’s ever seen him.

‘’Don’t you wanna tell him that?’’ she asks, and Michael could kiss Christine, he really could right then and there. Jeremy is silent, his face falling a little, like his awareness of the world around him is seeping back in, brining back his anxious demeanor. Michael wishes he could hold onto the place Jeremy and been in, bottle it up and give it to him so he could stay there forever. Just being happy.

‘’I don’t know.’’ oh god please hit this boy over the head with something so he can get it trough his thick skull that Michael is head over heels in love with him so he should really say something oh god please just say something.

‘’What if you tell him on opening night, after you tell everyone about you being a huge nerd?’’ Christine suggests. Michael is gonna shower her in gifts he’s so fucking thankful for her right now. Jeremy snorts.

‘’’Are you ever gonna stop calling me a nerd?’’ he asks jokingly. She gleefully shakes her head no, and he sighs, then his face turns serious again.

‘’Is it a good idea to tell him that right after admitting I’ve been lying to everyone for years because of my own dumb insecurities?’’ his worries are closing in on him, trapping him in a corner.

‘’First off, they’re not dumb. They might be irrational, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Second, isn’t it good to just get it all out, over and done with?’’ Christine tries to reason with his anxieties, and she sees some of the worry clear away. She’s getting trough.

‘’Maybe…yeah okay.’’ he’s smiling slightly, light filling his eyes.

‘’Okay?’’ she asks, urges him on, smile splitting her face.

‘’Okay!’’ he exclaims, laughing, smiling bigger, drunk on love and foolish bravery. She looks at him expectantly, and he only sends her a questioning look back. She groans, but her eyes are still smiling so he knows she’s not actually that exasperated with him yet.

‘’How? How are you gonna do it? I know you, Jeremy Heere, and you need a plan. You need a goal to work towards. So what’s your plan?’’ she puts her arms on the table, leans against them and gets up close and personal with his face. He swallows, his hands shaking just a little.

‘’Uhh, okay. So I meet everyone after opening night, hopefully they’re all amazed at our performance, I tell them I’m a theatre nerd and that my big dream is to go to Broadway-‘’ Christine cuts him off with a squeal of joy, but quickly makes hand motions for him to continue, and the others can’t help but share that sentiment. This is a new side of Jeremy, and they kinda really like it, this new found budding confidence Christine and the musical has inspired in him. Jeremy gives her a crooked smile before continuing,

‘’Then I’ll ask if Michael can drop me off at home, or I’ll probably ask him beforehand, or he’ll offer. He’ll probably offer actually, he’s a good friend like that. Anyway so I’ll wait until he’s dropping me off at home, and then I’ll tell him, and then when it gets really awkward I can just go home and hide in my room forever.’’ Jeremy finishes on an almost false note of cheer. Christine sighs, but smiles tiredly at him.

‘’It was good all the way up to the end. Promise me you’ll hear him out before you run off?’’ she asks.

‘’I promise.’’ Jeremy says.

The six of them watch as Jeremy and Christine leave, and breathe a sigh of relief at having gone unnoticed during the entire ordeal.

‘’How’d you feel dude?’’ Rich asks Michael, and honestly he doesn’t really know how to answer.

‘’I am dead and dying.’’ he offers, and he feels like that should explain everything.

‘’I’m impressed, those states are usually mutually exclusive.’’ Jenna says sarcastically. Michael covers his face with his hands, pushing his glasses up, and leans his head back until it connects with the top of the bech behind him.

‘’Time is an illusion.’’ he mutters trough his hands before dragging them down his face, then reaching up and settling his glasses back into their rightful place.

‘’No but for real I think I’m about to either explode from glee or frustration. Maybe both. He’s closer than ever and I can’t even take the final step towards him, even though it would be so easy.’’ he tries to explain, it must not get across well enough, because the others look mostly confused.

‘’Why can’t you take the final step?’’ Brooke asks.

‘’He’s got a plan. Christine said it, Jeremy needs a set goal and he needs to accomplish it on his own terms. If I went up and told him I liked him I’d throw him off kilter, I might even destroy his concentration and confidence for the play, and he needs that. All I have to do is wait, not do anything out of the ordinary, and wait.’’ he’s looking at his own hands, curled into fists on the table. His emotions are waging a war against each other, but the pure happiness wins over everything else, he remembers the look Jeremy had had when he’d thought about him, thought about Michael, thought about being in love with Michael. He feels something similar creep onto his own fave, feels the red rise in his cheeks, feels the goofy smile, he wouldn’t be surprised if hearts were visible in his eyes right then. He starts giggling, then laughing, from the unabashed joy in his chest. Swelling and swelling and swelling ever outwards, filling his chest and there’s not a single trace of the ache he’s been feeling for years. The others only stare at him, a certain kind of relief in their hearts. It’s just such a good thing to see your friends find happiness they never thought they’d have.

School the next day is instantly so much better. Christine acts like she always has with him again, which is a relief. Their other friends ask if they can sit in on one of their rehearsals, and while yeah that would be great, Jeremy and Christine explain that it’s mostly learning the songs and their lines and their cues as of now, but when they starts rehearsing more coherent parts, like the choreography and stuff like that, they’ can definitely sit in. Which does Jeremys heart some good, because it gives him time to psyche himself up. The best thing however, had to be Michael. To Jeremy, Michael is probably the best part of his day, but he’s just…lighter. Brighter. He seems happier, and Jeremy doesn’t understand why in the slightest, but when Michael smiles at him he sees all that happiness radiating off of him and it makes his insides all warm and tingly. Michael doesn’t smile like that at anyone else either, the extra happiness is noticeable in practically every way if you know how to look, but Jeremy sees it the best when it’s directed at him. That has to be a good sign, right? Something in his head tries to tell him there’s something going on, something sinister even, but Jeremy refuses to listen. He flat out refuses. His favorite person in the whole world is happier than Jeremy has seen in in what feels like forever, and he’s not about to let his own stupid head but a dark spin on that. Michael in turn sees the happiness he knows he’s radiating being reflected right back to him by Jeremy. He didn’t know he could make Jeremy so happy just by being happy himself. He feels like they’re mirrors or something, endlessly reflecting this happiness back and forth, brighter and brighter. So maybe he lets the hugs linger a little longer than their already long hugging time, so maybe he’s finding even more excuses to touch Jeremy casually just to feel his warmth, jus to feel his heart beating steady in his chest so he can relish in knowing it belongs to him, so maybe he tries to tell Jeremy he loves him in every way without being too obvious, in hopes that Jeremy will realize soon. Maybe he does all this despite promising himself nothing would change. Maybe he doesn’t care.

Christine corners Jake at the end of the day. For someone of her size, she sure can be intimidating when she wants to. He’s suddenly glad she is the person that she is, that sh has the heart she has, that they’re friends now instead of something else.

‘’I know you tried to do the right thing, but you shouldn’t meddle in other peoples lives like that. You have to give them time and space to figure things out on their own, and maybe a nudge here and there yes I’ll admit. Just thing things trough a bit more next time, okay?’’ she asks. Gosh she’s so nice. Like an angel. He only nods.

‘’And you guys better be the loudest ones clapping at the end of that Musical.’’ she say in a cheerful voice, with an underlying tone of threat that does not go unnoticed. He swallows, gives his best smile, and watches her walk away.

AmericanDragon changed group name from ‘now kiss’ to ‘Official Canigula Heere Fanclub’

AmericanDragon: i just got threatened by chrissy

AmericanDragon: 0/10 would not recommend

AmericanDragon: she did tell me we needed to be the loudest ppl clapping at opening night so we are now their official fan club

AmericanDragon: our first order of business is to make matching t-shirts

AmericanDragon: I also nominate brooke for cheer captain

AmericanDragon: michael ur in charge of the signs

AmericanDragon: rich ur gonna be out hype man

AmericanDragon: i’m gonna make an official twitter for us, and jenna ur in charge of it

AmericanDragon: it’s evryones duty to like and retweet everything to their personals

AmericanDragon: chloe idk what you should be in charge of but you need to be in charge of something cus you’re good at that

AmericanDragon: taht’s all

AmericanDragon *that’s

Player1: jake wtf

GossipGirl: No I like it. Let’s do this. We owe Jeremy that much, right?

RichBich: yea i mean he rly did not want to tell us he was into musicals n shit

Player1: that’s not our fault tho. u know how jeremy is, sometimes he gets too caught up in his own head and then his idiot brain makes up stuff that isn’t true because he’s so anxious

Player1: this isn’t about him not trusting us, or us not being supportive enough

Player1: this isn’t about what we did or didn’t do before

Player1: this is about how we support him going forward

Player1: make sure he knows he can tell us these things, that we won’t judge him or hate him

Player1: i changed my mind this fan club is the best idea fucking ever let’s go

BeanieBabe: yaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!

MythicBinch: also i’m obviously in charge. period. i am now the leader of this fan club. go spread the word my pretties.

Player1: hear that guys? chloe thinks we’re all preeeeeeettyyyyyyyyyy

RichBich: well jerms already seems to think so abt u mike

Player1: alright 1 don’t ever call me mike

Player1: E V E R

Player1: and 2

Player1: i am now deceased i hope ur happy with urself

RichBich: oh noon, whatever are we gonna do abt jeremys broken heart :’c

Player1: don’t do me like this ranch

RichBich: do you like u want jerms to do u??

RichBich: ALSO I THOIGH THE RANCH NAME DIED PLS DON’T BRING IT BACK

Player1: iF U FUCKIN STOP CALLIN ME OUT LIKE THIS MAYBE I WILL

RichBich: oh so u admit u want jerms to do u ;3c

Player1: that’s it

RichBich: wait no

RichBich: michael i didn’t mean it i’m sorry pls don’t do this to me im begging u

Player1: shoulda thought of that sooner

Player1 changed RichBich’s nickname to RanchDressingBoy

RanchDressingBoy: nooooooooooooooooooo

Chatroom: F I G H T

Player1 changed group name from ‘F I G H T’ to ‘Ranch Boy’s Back In Town’

Player1 changed RichBich’s nickname to RanchDressingBoy

RanchDressingBoy: i don’t deserve this

Player2: wtf did u do rich????

Player1: HIS NAME IS RANCH NOW

Player1: HE HAS WRONGED ME FOR THE LAST TIME

Player2: *wtf did u do ranch????

Player1: better

RanchDressingBoy: et tu, jerms?

MythicBinch: why are our friends so fucking weird

GossipGirl changed MythicBinch’s nickname to OneOfUs

They’ve been rehearsing the routine for Fight for Me for a few weeks when their friends request comes up again. Jeremy has been learning to fight in slow motion and he’s actually having a lot of fun. He also feels like he’s become good enough at this to show their friends. Christine even says he looks bad ass, which is something he never thought he could accomplish. But he has to admit he does feel rather bad ass with the long coat swishing around at his motions, and taking down two rather burly looking guys with a book as his weapon of choice. During rehearsal that week in December, Christine and him sneak them into the auditorium right before rehearsal starts. They giggle quietly, trying to shush their friends as they settle into the seats without being noticed. They sneak them as close to the stage as they can, wanting them to have a good view. There’s only five minutes left until rehearsals start when Jeremy and Christine start making their way down to the stage. Michael grabs for Jeremy one last time,

‘’You’re gonna be awesome.’’ he says, leaning in close so he won’t have to raise his voice, Jeremys face is a light pink, and he can feel the heat rise in his own face, then he lets go. Jeremy smiles shyly, then it grows into something confident, and he walks away. Michael is left sitting there, leaned forward slightly, awestruck. That confident smile was new. And it was hot. Shit. He’s so gay. He realizes he hasn’t moved, and Jeremy and Christine are almost down by the stage, so he sits back in his seat quickly. It does nothing to alleviate the knowing looks and smirks he receives from his friends. He glares back, before very pointedly turning back to look at the stage. Mr.Reyes has just arrived and he’s directing the cast into position, not that they don’t really know them already. They’ve been in these positions for what feels like way too long.

Mr. Reyes yells action, and it’s like the stage comes alive with a new world. Jeremy approaches Christine, long black coat swaying lightly. It looks almost a little weird to see him with his regular clothes underneath, but the coat helps show off how tall he actually is, gives his shoulders a little more width.

‘’You shouldn’t have bowed down to the swatch dogs and the diet coke heads. They’re gonna crush that girl.’’ Jeremy says, his voice holds no nervousness, there’s not a trace of his stutter. But he’s not really Jeremy anymore, is he? He’s like a different person. Christine looks at him.

‘’I’m sorry, what?’’ Jeremy does not look amused at her words,

‘’You’ve clearly got a soul, you just need to work hard keeping it clean. We are all born marked for evil.’’ he says, and moves as if to walk away, Christine lunges after him, stopping him in his tracks.

‘’Ok, don’t just quote Baudelaire at me and then walk away. I don’t think I caught your name?’’ she says.

‘’I didn’t throw it.’’ Jeremy snaps back, and Rich has to stifle a snort. Christine backs off, further right on the stage, while Jeremy takes front and centre stage, opening his hardcover book. Two guys in football jackets to the left start talking, gesturing to Jeremy as he minds his own business.

‘'Who does that guy in the jacket think he is anyway, Bo Diddley?’’  one says.

‘’Veronica’s into his act no doubt.’’ the other observes.

‘’Let’s kick his ass!’’ the first exclaims.

‘’Nah, we’re seniors man, we’re too old for that shit!’’ but his valiant effort is ignored as knucklehead #1 pushes past, approaching Jeremy.

‘’Hey sweetheart! What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?’’ and good lord he is so obnoxious. Knucklehead #2 follows swiftly, walking up and smacking the back of Jeremys head as he speaks,

‘’My buddy Kurt just asked you a question!’’ okay yeah they’re both obnoxious. The small group in the seats have officially had enough of them.

‘’Hey Ram, doesn’t the cafeteria have a no gays allowed rule?’’ Knucklehead #1 says, and if he was a real dude he would be getting his ass kicked at this very moment. Jeremy doesn’t even look fazed though, he just looks…annoyed. Which isn’t the reaction they’d expect from their Jeremy.

‘’They seem to have an open door policy for assholes though.’’ Jeremy snaps, putting extra force behind the word ‘assholes’. The other two look outraged, the six in the seats have to hold back from yelling in support of their boy.

‘’Hold his arms.’’ Knucklehead #1 says, and Knucklehead #2 forces Jeremys arms behind his back. He draws his right arm back as far as he can for show. As he lunges forward to punch Jeremy breaks free and blocks it with the book, before swinging around and smacking it across the face of the guy who was holding him. It’s very close, but it shows that the hits didn’t actually connect, but the actors are good at following trough with the motions, reeling back and falling to the floor dramatically. It all happens very fast, and then then the cast starts singing. Multiple voices echo across the auditorium exclaiming ‘holy shit!’ to a beat that isn’t playing. The first guy who tried to punch Jeremy is coming back for more, but Jeremy blocks him and pretends to kick him in the crotch. He goes down as the other guy steadies himself on his feet.. The cast is still singing those two words. As he approaches Jeremy turns, sees him, and throws an arm back. He swings it towards the guys face, slowing down as the cast drags the last word out, freezing as he’s about to connect what looks to be a solid slow-mo punch. The cast goes quiet and Christine has finally looked up from the notepad. As Jeremy stills completely, the guy in front of him freezing with what is probably an accurate grimace of someone about to get sucker punched in the face, Christine steps up and points directly at Jeremy. Her face is one of pure awe, with maybe some lovestruck splashed in for good measure. Michael can’t help but agree.

The guy who was kicked in the nuts is frozen on the ground, legs spread and hands clutching his crotch, while everyone else is frozen in various poses of shock, all over exaggerated to enhance the comedic effect of the scene. Christine is still moving, looking like she’s been placed outside of time. It’s mesmerizing. And then she starts singing,

‘'Why when you see boys fight, does it look so horrible yet…..feel so riiiiight?’’ her voice is clear and carries across the auditorium.

‘’I shouldn’t watch this crap, that’s not who I am, but with this kid…daaaaaaaamn!’’ she’s rocking back and forth a bit, trying to convey how something like love at first sight is supposed to have kicked in. She doesn’t move gracefully like other productions have called for, because here she’s playing something she knows how to be in real life. Just an awkward teenager, trying to survive high school.

‘’Hey, mister no-name-kid, so who might you be?’’ she turns her head to look at Jeremy, his face is frozen in an outraged snarl, not really ideal for longingly gazing at, but hey.

‘’And could you fight for me?’’ she kets her knees bend, moving back a little, before moving forward at the start of her next line,

‘’And hey, could you face the crowd?’’ she’s looking directly at Jeremy, but heads around behind the guy he’s almost punching in the face.

‘’Could you be seen with me, and still act proud?’’ she ducks under his outstretched arm, standing between the two frozen-in-place boys, facing Jeremy. She takes a moment to point and give a short ‘HA’ in her clear crisp voice at the guy on the ground.

‘’Hey, could you hold my hand?’’ at this she reaches out and takes hold of Jeremys other hand, his fingers are spread out and she fits her own between the spaces perfectly, gently holding on.

‘’And could you carry me trough no mans laaaand?’’ she lets go, walking away, back to where she was standing when the fight broke out.

‘’It’s fine, if you don’t agree, but i would fight for you,’’ she turns her head back, looking at Jeremy again,

‘’if you would fight for meeeeeeeeee.’’ as she drags the last note out Knucklehead #2 starts moving his arms upward, Jeremys fist is oh so slowly creeping closer to his face, and the others around them are seemingly unfreezing as well.

‘’Let them drive us underground, I don’t care how faaaaar.’’ at this point the dude looks like he’s doing a terrible velociraptor parody, and it’s sort of fucking hilarious.

‘’You can sent my broken booones, and I know CPR.’’ Christine sways a bit and Jeremys fist connects with the guys jaw, his face turning, and it’s like a ripple is set trough the cast as they increase the tempo a notch. Knucklehead #1 is struggling to get on all fours trough the imaginary pain.

‘’Well woah, you can punch real good.’’ Knucklehead #2 finally falls to the ground as the other gains his footing.

‘’You’ve lasted longer than I thought you wouuuuuld.’’ as he turns he takes a swing at Jeremy, arm flying around in a wide arc, still a little slower than real life.

‘’So hey, mister no-name-kid,’’ and he misses completely, Jeremy is standing there watching the fist fly by with an obvious distance between it and himself. Christine is walking up behind him, watching the fight intently, clearly part of this worlds time flow again as she moves at the same speed. Her singing remains the same.

‘’If sometime you’re freeeeeeeeeeee.’’ Jeremy makes a show of raising his arms, splaying them out in disbelief before reaching for the other guys head, leaning his own as far back as it will go.

‘’Wanna fiiiiiiiiiight for meeeeeeeeeee?’’ Christine raies a fist in the air as Jeremy slwoly, oh so slowly, brings his own head and the other guys head together. It looks like they’re just touching foreheads, which is kind of hilarious, but the expressions and the way they almost instantly part again makes it clear. This is supposed to look very painful.

‘’If you’re still aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive,’’ Chrisitne sings, pumping her fist in the air, very on board with the show of violence in front of her. Jeremy leans all the way back, holding the other guys head out as far as he can reach, he pulls an intense face before slowly bringing them back yet again.

‘'I would fight for youuuuuuu,’’ Jeremy repeats the movements again, but as he leans back this time he lets go of the guys face. Christine is still pumping he fist in the air, looking super excited about the fight, looking super excited about Jeremy. The cast around them is coming alive singing their chorus of ‘holy shit’s.

‘’If you would fight for meeeeeeeeeee!’’ Knucklehead #2 goes down, clutching his forehead. Christine is still holing the final note as she steps to the front side by side with Jeremy. He raises a hand to smooth down his hair as she points to him with her thumb, nodding at a, somewhat, non existing audience as if to say ‘did you just see what he did?’. The small audience in the stands can’t help but agree. Oh yeah they just saw that. And it was fucking incredible. They have to fight the urge to stand up and clap. Jeremys eyes focus on them, and he gives a small mock bow, when he straightnes up again Michael swears he sees those blue eyes lock onto him. They hold him captive for a second before Mr. Reyes asks them to resume the start positions and then Michael finds he can breathe again. He swallows, mouth gone a little dry. He avoids eye contact with the others, but he knows there looking at him again. He just knows it.

They watch the same scene unfold another five times, but Mr. Reyes keeps stopping them, correcting movements or stances or timings or facial expressions. He’s a bit of a nit picker, Michael realizes, but he does see the improvement his directions have on the scene. They experiment a bit with what Christine can do as she moves trough the scene, unstuck in time. Try out different timings fro little things, trying to land the punch lines (ha) in the best ways possible. They’re on run trough number seven, perfecting the fake punches and trying to make them believable, when Jeremy holds the book just a little too close to his face, and the guy who’s pretending to swing at him miscalculates, and hit’s the book with a bit too much force. Jeremy puts one leg out behind him to steady himself, the heel of his foot making contact with the stage echoes loudly trough the room, and everyone stops. He’s looking at the black cover of the hardcover book, feeling something warm trickle down onto his upper lip, his eyes are watering from the sting in his nose, he sneaks his tongue out and yeah that’s definitely blood.

‘’Jeremy?’’ the guy who just punched him, Martin his name is he’s a real sweet kid really, asks worriedly. He realizes he’s been staring at the book for a few good seconds now. He lowers it, and as soon as his nose comes into view Martin gasps.

‘’Oh my god! Jeremy! I’m so sorry!’’ he practically yells, rains his arms and letting his hands hover in the space in front of Jeremys face, wanting to touch, to help, in any way he can but not knowing how. Christine rushes up beside him.

‘’Jermey! Oh my god are you okay?’’ she asks, holing onto his arm. Her hands are warm. He turns as if in a daze to look at her, sees her worried face and seem stop snap out of hit. Bringing a hand up to stop the steady drip of blood.

‘Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.’’ he glances down at his t-shirt, and sees a couple of small red dots. Oh great, this was one of his favorite t-shirts! Mr. Reyes steps up to have a look at him.

‘’Do you feel okay?’’ he asks, and Jeremy nods. His nose doesn’t really feel broken or anything, it’s just a little sore.

‘’Okay, go tot the bathroom and get cleaned up. Everyone else take 5!’’ Mr. Reyes says to the others as Jeremy makes his way to the exit. Michaelis up and out of his seat before anyone else gets a word in. He runs around the outside of the auditorium to meet up with Jeremy.

‘’You okay dude?’’ he asks, once Jeremy is within earshot. Jeremy turns, and he makes for quite the sight. Long dramatic black coat, slightly damp hair from all the physical activity, and blood smeared on his face. He looks…well not intimidating really, but he does look like someone you wouldn’t wanna meet in an alleyway at night.

‘’Yeah I’m fine, just need to go wash. I think it’s stopped bleeding already.’’ he says, selfconsciously rubbing the back of his neck with his not bloodied hand.

‘’I’ll help.’’ Michael decides and starts walking towards the bathroom, Jeremy having to catch up a bit. He looks like he’s about to protest, but seems to change his mind, settling on smiling instead.

‘’Thanks.’’ is all he simply says, but there’s a small smile there, under all the dried blood. Michael leads him to the closest bathroom, directs him to sit on a closed toilet lid, and proceeds to wipe the blood off of him with wet paper towels. Michael is concentrating on not agitating the most likely sore nose, and also getting rid of the dried blood under his chin, that he doesn’t notice Jeremy staring for a little bit. He glances up and catches Jeremys eye, raising one of his eyebrows he asks,

‘’What?’’ but Jeremy only smiles again, that same soft content smile, eyes crinkling and gaze so fond it feels like it might swallow Michael whole, might suffocate him, but wouldn’t that be a way to go? Smothered with love and affection. Sounds like it wouldn’t be the worst, especially if it was from Jeremy, Michael finds himself thinking. He’s glad it isn’t as easy to tell when he’s blushing as compared to Jeremy. Who has seemingly realized he’s been caught staring and is effectively turning into a tomato.

‘’Thanks.’’ is all he says, before averting his gaze, letting Michael finish up the job. He doesn’t protest like Michael thought he would, doesn’t insists that he could do it himself, really. He just…lets it happen. And when Michael’s done and happy with the clean up job, they walk back to the auditorium together, Michael showering him in praise over how bad ass Jeremy looked on stage, and Jeremy figure that one secret might go over very well with him. He wishes that wasn’t the one he was the least worried about to begin with anyway.

Opening night is right after Michaels birthday that May. His birthday is spent in the basement, like so many birthdays before, playing videogames and trying to land all seven of them in food comas. Well, eight this time around. Christine is there. The doorbell and rung one final time at 7:13 pm, and for a second Michael was confused, but it was just a second, because once he realized who was missing he was eagerly running to the door, throwing it open and yanking Christine into a hug.

‘’Yes! Now everyone’s here!’’ he shouts back into the house, and the gaggle of teens gather in the hallway, welcoming Christine. Jeremy is the next to hug her, after she’s removed her shoes (bright yellow doc martens) and jacket (denim and slowly filling up with pins), and she hangs onto him as they lead the way down.

‘’Woah! It’s like a hideout or something! This is so cool!’’ Christine exclaims as she reaches the bottom. And yeah, after having spent years in the same basement they might have gotten used to the decor, but this is Christines first time seeing it. The walls are lined with posters of all kinds, from games to movies to albums to artists to nonsensical shit Michael has found hanging around the city. He’s especially proud of the Swedish one reading ‘Jesus kommer snart, är du redo?’. There are also shelves upon shelves of games, movies, comics, and books covering one entire wall, along with a few stacks underneath the tv, and a few more in the corners. Michaels bed is unmade, covered in blankets and pillows, pac man printed sheets and a Link plushie lying on the floor by the foot of the bed. There’s also a desk (covered in papers) and a desk chair (covered in clothes that are clean enough for one more use, but not yet dirty enough to go in the hamper). It’s very much a lived in space, a little warm and a little dark, but it’s cozy. Jeremy always feels safe as soon as he descends into the atmosphere of the basement.

‘’Welcome to the humble abode of one Michael Mell.’’ Michael announces with a flourish and a bow, Christine giggles and offers up a courtesy of her own, pulling at her shark print t-shirt as if it were a dress,

‘’I humbly accept the invitation.’’ she manages trough her giggles, and when Michael looks up at her he breaks down into laughter of his own. It’s so easy to forget Christine wasn’t always a part of them, and it makes Jeremy happy to know he can have everything he wanted. He has his friends, he has Michael, he has his musical, and he has Christine, and they’re all mixing together and painting the most wonderful sight Jeremy thought he’d never see. He feels like he was afraid everything would get murky, but it just looks like the sky at dusk. Brooke is the soft yellow streaks in the clouds, sunshine rays breaking trough. Chloe is the light pink, turning into deeper darker shades as it enfolds the clouds in perfect harmony with yellow. Jenna is the deep magenta, commandeering and impossible not to notice, but so soft and playful and it wouldn’t be the same without her. Rich is the red burning across the sky, setting the horizon on fire with the raging end of the day, so much energy in such a little space. Jake is golden orange, stretching into the blue of the sky, up and up, keeping the red tethered and the clouds close. Christine is every shade of purple, from the light fluffy purple that bounces on the clouds to the deep purple that burns so brightly alongside the red, she’s ever present and fitting in between everything else. Michael is the deep deep blue, encompassing everything and promising the cover of night, a sky full of stars to admire, a blanket of comforting sleep to be draped over the world. These are his friends, and Jeremy loves them. And they keep reminding Jeremy that they love him too, and he’s convinced that one day they’ll even convince the little voice in his head that keeps lying to him. Jeremy knows where he fits into the picture. He is stormy grey, soft and muffling ashen, fluffy white on his very best days. He feels colorless, but even grey come sin different shades.

‘’I’m gonna kick everyones ass!’’ Rich yells as he belly flops into a beanbag.

‘’You don’t even know what we’re playing yet!’’ Jake accuses him, sitting down on the sofa. There are snacks and soda littered around the small seating area, unopened. The piazza has been ordered and all that’s left to do is to agree on what to play and watch for the night. Michael gets first pick as the birthday boy.

‘’I’m feeling very…gay today.’’ Michael says with a smirk, and the others stare at him in something akin to amused horror.

‘’What?’’ Christine asks, looking around at the others.

‘’Time to get good friends, it’s rainbow road time.’’ Michael exclaims as the others groan and laugh.

Rich does not kick anyones ass. Michael kicks most of their asses actually, Jeremy a close second, and Christine a surprising but well earned third. When the pizza arrives they settle dow to watch the movie Brooke brought. Hush. As a horror enthusiast she’s always armed with at least a couple of either very new or very old copies of movies at all times. The movie keeps them in suspense for just about the entire duration, and Jeremy finds himself with one arm full of Michael and the other arm full of Christine. Jeremy himself doesn’t mind scary movies all that much, there are even some he re-watches, but apparently Christine is as scared as Michael is. He doesn’t mind offering them  comfort and safety, plus it feels nice being basically cuddled in between the two and their high body temperatures. Chloe is clutching onto Brooke as per usual, Jeremy figures that this must be a regular date night thing for the two. Jenna and Jake are pretty relaxed, jumping a few times at the jumpscares, but otherwise not reacting much. Rich hid behind the sofa as soon as something scary happened, and Jeremy has only seen brief glimpses of his hair peeking over the back, before something on screen startles him back down to the relative safeness of the floor, out of the view of the tv. By the end they’re all shouting, rooting for the lady and yelling at her to kick the creeps ass. When it’s over Jeremy turns to Brooke,

‘’That was fucking awesome! Maddie is a kick ass lady, holy shit! Did you see that final move? Corkscrew, the asshole never even saw it coming. Damn.’’ he gushes, and Brooke nods along enthusiastically.

‘’Right? I really like how the movie turned her weakness into her strength as well. And she definitely kicked some serious ass. Women are not to be messed with.’’ she says proudly.

‘’You got that right.’’ Chloe says, no less forceful despite the fact she’s still hiding behind her girlfriend. Although said girlfriend could probably survive any horror movie with her extensive knowledge. Maybe not the worst choice after all. Jeremy chuckles.

‘’You say that as if we don’t know it already.’’ he says with a smile, and Brooke smiles crookedly back at him.

‘’Ah! No! No no no no nononononononoooooooooooooooooooo!’’ Jake collapses defeated into the beanbag as the character on screen goes down. The small pixels disintegrating. Christine sits next to him, having died quite a while before Jake. They’ve tried their hand at level 5 of Apocalypse of the Damned, but alas, no one has gotten anywhere.

‘’This game is super hard! It’s gonna take forever to finish.’’ Christine whines. Rich laughs,

‘’It’s not meant to be finished, the real joy is struggling for your life trying not to be outsmarted by a videogame that’s older than we are.’’ he says.

‘’Yeah, me and Michael have been playing it forever, and we’re only on level 13.’’ the others stare at him,

‘’What?’’ he asks, bewildered.

‘’You guys didn’t tell us you made it past level 12!’’ Jenna complains.

‘’Yeah! Show us the new level.’’ Brooke agrees. Christine looks slightly confused, but relents the bean bag as Jeremy and Michael approach to take their seats.

‘’Okay so like, Jenna was totally right.’’ Michael says, and Jenna fist bumps the air. Jeremy navigates the menu to find the save file.

‘’Yeah, so this is the roof scene and there’s this one guy and you can’t even talk to him but he’s not a zombie or anything and we’re kinda trapped up there? You can’t go back down after going trough the door but it’s just a roof and the zombies are climbing up the walls.’’ Jeremy explains as the save file loads. And sure enough, the two pixelated avatars are on a roof top. There’s a little pixel dude that looks like he’s in a suit standing at the other end, and then zombies start climbing the sides of the building.

‘’You can’t interact with him at all?’’ Jake asks, and Michael shakes his head, eyes trained on the screen. Him and Jeremy are standing facing opposite directions, backs to each other. The best strategy not to get overrun.

‘’We’ve tried just about everything.’’ Jeremy says, cleaving a zombie in two with the fire axe he found in the staircase level. They cut down zombie after zombie, make a path to the guy, but they can’t even touch him. He takes no damage from hits, can’t be interacted with. They’d think he was a statue of he didn’t have the idle animation their own avatars also have. After a few more rounds of fighting, Michael having to drop his gun after running out of bullets, now slashing at the approaching hoards with a kitchen knife, they die. Jeremy first, and without Jeremy to watch his back Michael goes down not too long after.

‘’Fuck!’’ he shouts, throwing the controller on the ground.

‘’Start it up again.’’ Christine says with an intense look on her face. She’s leaning forward slightly, caught up in her own head, and Jeremy hits the blinking RETRY on the screen.

It’s the same short animation of the two avatars exiting the door onto the roof. The other guy stands there. Then the zombies come. Jeremy and Michael hold them off as best they can, waiting for Christine to say something. Which she does. Loudly.

‘’There! Jump off the roof!’’ she shouts, pointing to something in the lower right corner. Jeremy and Michael glance at each other, and before their eyes fully return to the tv in front of them they’re moving to the ledge Christine had indicated. They jump in tandem. The screen goes black and they hold their breaths. The game fades back in and they recognize the pixelated background as a football field.

‘’Christine you’re amazing!’’ Michael yells, and Jeremy throws an arm back to give her a very awkward hug. She giggles and watches as Michael and Jeremy expertly tackle the waves of football gear clad zombies rushing onto the football field.

It’s closing in on 1am, games have been played, movies watched, and now they’re mostly staying up for the hell of it. They’re all sprawled out across Michaels room. Chloe and Brooke have taken the sofa hostage, claimed for their cuddling needs. Christine and Jenna are sprawled across all three bean bags. Jake and Rich are on the floor. The floor is good. And Michael and Jeremy are on Michaels bed, legs dangling off the edge and staring at the ceiling. They’ve been like this for half an hour now, when one of them decided sitting upright wasn’t worth it anymore.

‘’Truth.’’ Brooke says, and Christine makes a thoughtful hum.

‘’What is…your biggest…pet peeve?’’ she finally decides on.

‘’Uuuuuuuuuuhh…oh! when I’m wearing one of those really long cardigans and it gets stuck on stuff like corners and ugh, I hate when that happens.’’ Brooke says, earning a giggle from Chloe and a sympathetic hum from Jeremy and his cardigan loving self.

‘’Jeremy, truth or dare?’’ Brooke asks.

‘’Truth.’’ he answers, not really wanting to risk having to move if he picked dare.

‘’What’s the deal with Ranch Dressing Boy?’’ she asks. Rich groans so loud it almost drowns out Michael and Jeremy laughing. Almost.

‘’Okay okay, so,’’ Jeremy begins once he’s calmed down again.

‘’This story is really stupid, but me and Michael made a pact that we would never let him forget it, and now we are swearing all of the people present into the same pact. Never forget what I’m about to tell you.’’ he sits up slightly and watches as they all nod, sealing the pact.

‘'In middle school Michael, Rich, and I became friends, right? Well middle school Rich was a weird kid, which is why we liked him I guess. He was weird in a good way, in a I-know-I’m-weird-but-I’m-owning-it way.’’ Jeremy begins.

‘’Awwwwww, you guys thought I was cool!’’ Rich interrupts before Jake smacks him lightly and makes shushing noises.

‘’Dude of course.’’ Michael says, clambering up so he’s leaning against the wall next to Jeremy.

‘'Well okay so one day the cafeteria staff are like freaking out about something, it’s a huge mess and they’re all running around trying to keep it secret that someone broke into the backroom and stole something. No one has any idea what’s been stolen. Everyone’s making theories from pudding to a teachers porn stash, at one point someone started a rumor that there had been like loads of drugs in there, and the week after someone had told their parents that a teacher had stashed drugs at school and that a kid had it now, so the parents call the police and then the police shows up and starts asking everyone if a teacher has ever tried to sell them drugs.’’ Jeremy is rambling as if he’s told this story a million times, but the other are listening intently. Rich looks like he wants to sink into the floor. Michael is looking at Jeremy, letting the words wash over him, looking at Jeremy as he gestures with his hands.

‘’Turns out! The math teacher was dealing drugs, so he gets arrested, then the police finally get to know what was actually stolen from the backroom, and then they all just leave with the math teacher. Mr. Thompson was a jerk though, so nobody really cared. Anyway, fast forward three weeks and we’re hanging out on the roof like the rebels we are, and then Rich pulls out a fucking crate. A crate! And he’s all dramatic like he’s confessing to a crime. He stole 27 bottles of ranch dressing from the backroom in the cafeteria, and why? What was the brilliant response you had for us as we scrambled to understand?’’ Jeremy gestures for Rich to reenact his response, and Rich covers his face, heaves a sigh, and says,

‘’I had a feeling it would help during the invasion.’’ Rich says, with no real feeling in his voice. The others erupt into wheezing laughter peppered with questions of why? and what?.

‘’We never got him to tell us what the fuck he meant by that.’’ Michael says, shrugging.

‘’It’s a mystery for the ages.’’ Jeremy agrees, making eye contact with Michael, and then they’re laughing again.

‘’And so it will remain!’’ Rich yells,

‘'Cus fuck if I remember why I said that.’’ he finishes, and they’re all sent back into hysterics.

‘’Ranch Boy.’’ Jake leans over and whispers into Richs’ ear, who promptly smacks him upside the head. It does nothing to stop the laughter.

‘’Michael, truth or dare?’’ Jeremy asks once everyone has calmed down into giggles.

‘’Truth.’’ Michael says, also not really wanting to risk a dare entailing moving from his spot, shoulder to shoulder with Jeremy.

‘’What’s something I don’t know about you?’’ Jeremy asks after a little bit. For a second it’s so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The Michael says,

‘’Oh man, that’s hard, you know basically everything already dude.’’ but in his head he’s running trough secrets he’s kept over the years. They all sound about the same. I haven’t told you this thing because it leads back to me being in love with you. He scrambles to think of something, anything, and hides it with the very believable fact that they tell each other everything. Or well, he thought they did, but he doesn’t actually blame Jeremy for that. Plus it could have been a lot worse, a lot less fixable, than a love for performing and theatre and musicals. Oh. Maybe that’s something?

‘’I listened to the soundtrack to Heathers and then I got obsessed with it so I started listening to other soundtracks like Wicked and The Addams Family, so now I have like a whole playlist of super dramatic musical numbers that I usually listen to in the shower or in the car.’’ Michael says. And it’s true. He has found himself seeking out musicals after learning of Jeremys obsession. They do that a lot, the two of them. If one starts showing interest in something the other will soon follow suit, and then they’ll eventually start obsessing over it together. Their taste in things are so similar that there is rarely anything something one enjoys and the other doesn’t, but when those do crop up it’s not a big deal. It’s more of an I’ll-listen-to-you-rant-even-though-I-don’t-like-this-thing-as-much-as-you-do situation. It’s a pretty good system too. Michael glances over at Jeremy, who looks like he might as well have emptied the night sky of its stars, his eyes are stinging so bright. Michael smiles. Jeremy smiles back.

‘’Thanks.’’ he says, an understanding passing between them. Jeremy knowing Michael has figured it out at least a little, and is accepting this new aspect of his best friend, likes it even. Jeremy leans into Michaels shoulder a bit more.

Another hour passes like so, truths being shared, nothing major, a few sweet moments here and there. Until Chloe strikes.

‘’Truth or dare, Michael?’’ she asks him, and like an idiot he answers,

‘’Dare.’’ because he feels adventurous.

‘’I dare you to kiss Jeremy.’’ she says, smirk on her lips and deviousness in her eyes. It’s 2:21am and thus both too early and too late for this shit. Jeremy has gone bright red next to him.

‘’What the fuck, Chloe?’’ he says, ignoring that Jeremy has sort of frozen beside him.

‘’If you don’t wanna do it then you get to do a penalty instead. Here’s a hint, the penalty is the same, but worse. Choose your poison.’’ she says, and they’re all very very tired so the others are mostly giggling at the situation. He wishes they’d look at him and Jeremy and understand that they’re both kind of dying right now.

‘’You realize Jeremy has final say, I’m not gonna kiss him if he doesn’t want to.’’ Michael says, finally looking at Jeremy, who is still red, and fidgeting, whose eyes have gone just a tad glassy. Michael is hit with the thought that Jeremy probably wants this just as much as him. Then he realizes Jeremy doesn’t know Michael wants to as well. Oh boy. Jeremy makes fleeting eye contact with him, before his gaze darts away again.

‘’I don’t mind dude.’’ he says in a small voice. Michael reaches for Jeremys face before his mind can catch up with what he’s doing. He turns Jeremys head towards him gently, distantly nothing that his fingers have stilled but that his hands are still hovering in front of his chest. Michael leans in, guiding Jeremys head to tilt a little so their noses won’t crash, and connects their lips gently. Jeremy has a tendency to bite his lips when he’s nervous, and he’s nervous a lot, as a result his lips are always chapped. Michael feels it, but he also feels how soft and pliant Jeremy is, and is again hit with the thought that Jeremy must be enjoying this too, and it’s almost too good to be true. Jeremys arms unfreeze and reach out to hold onto the front of Michaels hoodie carefully, as if he’ll disappear if he holds on too tight. Michael smiles into the kiss, and that’s what breaks it. It feels like it lasted a lifetime, and Michael would have been happy to spend his life like that. Warm and comfortable next to Jeremy, kissing him into eternity and loving him even longer than that. In real time it was only like six seconds. He opens his eyes before Jeremy, and gets to see his long lashes flutter against his face, before staring into those deep blue eyes he’s found himself drowning in and saved by in equal measures.

‘’Not too bad.’’ Michael jokes, trying to ease the tension he can see in Jeremys shoulders. It helps a little, as Jeremy cracks a small smile. Bad move, Mell, Michael thinks to himself. Jeremy is flushed red, eyes sparkling, smile pure and radiant joy. He looks so fucking adorable Michael is sure if he wasn’t already in love with him he’d fall right then and there. Fuck he’s so gay. He turns to Jenna.

‘’Truth or dare?’’ he asks her, ignore the knowing looks they’re sending  him, missing the knowing look Christine sends Jeremy.

‘’Truth.’’ Jenna says.

‘’What would you always make sure to have with you during a zombie apocalypse?’’ he asks her.

‘’Nerd.’’ she answers in a fond voice, before actually thinking it over.

‘’A car or some other sort of transportation.’’ she decides, and Michael nods his approval.

‘’Jeremy, truth or dare?’’ she asks next.

‘’Truth.’’ he answers, still slightly red faced.

‘’Who was your first kiss?’’ And he’s right back to full blown tomato. He covers his face with his hands.

‘’Michael.’’

‘’Wait what? That was your first kiss?’’ Michael asks, shocked. Jeremy can only nod.

‘’I thought you kissed Christine in the show? Haven’t you practiced?’’ Jake asks innocently enough. Jeremy hunches down.

‘’We were supposed to but I always chicken out.’’ he says in a meek voice, and Michael puts an arm around him.

‘’It’s cool as long as it’s cool with you.’’ Michael says, and he feels Jeremy relax a little under his arm.

‘’It’s cool.’’ Jeremy responds, peeking out from behind his hands.

Chatroom: Official Canigula Heere Fanclub

MythicBinch kicked Player 1 from the chat

MythicBinch changed group name from ‘Official Canigula Heere Fanclub’ to ‘Too Gay To Function’

MythicBinch added DDRqueen to the chat

MythicBinch: ey chrissy get this mikey has a huge gay crush on jerms and we r p sure jerms has a huge gay crush on mikey

MythicBinch: so we gon get these two idiots together if it’s the last thing we do

DDRqueen: Jermey has a huge gay crush on Michael #confirmed

DDRqueen: oh my god am I glad to know I was right

DDRqueen: but I do feel like I should be the voice of reason and tell you to let them figure it out themselves

DDRqueen: no offence, but meddling isn’t you guys’ strong suit

AmericanDragon: i claim responsibility for that one

DDRqueen: just give them some time

DDRqueen: until like, after opening night DDRqueen: if nothing happens after that I’ll talk to Jeremy

MythicBinch: deal

It’s the day before opening night, a Friday to be exact, and Jeremy comes to school wearing a beanie. His floppy bangs have been pushed underneath the dark blue knitted hat, and only the widows peak of his hairline is showing.

‘’What’s up with the hat?’’ Michael asks when he picks him up for school that morning. Not that he minds or anything, Jeremy looks really cute with the hat.

‘’Promise you wont laugh?’’ Jeremy asks, knowing deep down that Michael would never, but still needing to make sure to ease the nerves. Michael makes an x over his heart, and Jeremy smiles. He wrings his hands together, reaches up and grabs a fistful of the material, hesitates for a second before seemingly steeling himself and snatching it off in one quick jerky movement. He hair is fluffy and slightly curly, a bit messy from having been shoved under the hat. Oh and yeah, it’s pitch black. Michael is at a loss for words. Jeremy won’t look at him, running his hands trough his unruly hair and trying to het it to lie down somewhat normally. Michael reaches out with a hand, and Jeremy is so caught up in not looking at him that he flinches slightly when the hand touches his hair.

‘’Sorry.’’ Michael whispers. He doesn’t know why he’s whispering. Just runs his hand trough to help Jeremy conquer his hair problem.

‘’It’s okay.’’ Jeremy whispers back, because when someone whispers to you you gotta whisper back that’s the rule. He lets his own hands fall away, leaving Michael to fix it. Jeremy feels calmer, and it surprises him because he thought this would stress him out more. But the atmosphere in the car now is just, quiet and soft, calm. The music from the speakers having been turned down in favor of conversation now provides a gentle background noise. Michael retracts his hand after only a few seconds, looking over his handiwork and smiling, satisfied with the result.

‘’It looks nice, dude.’’ he says. Jeremy blushes slightly, smiling and tugging at a lock of hair behind his ear.

‘'Thanks dude.’’ he says.

Once they pull up to school however, the anxiety has returned full force. Michael is one thing. Michael is safe and accepting and the best human being Jeremy knows. School is different. School is prying eyes and whispers in the hallways and laughter that might not even be directed at him but his head will tell him it is and he’ll feel like everyone’s staring even if they’re not and just, no. No. He puts the beanie back on, and Michael gives him an understanding look and a one armed hug before they head into the building together.

Lunch rolls around, like it always does, and Jeremy is the last to arrive at the table.

‘’What’s up with the snazzy looking hat, homie?’’ Jake asks, and gets a raised eyebrow as an answer. Jeremy pulls his chair out and sits down between Michael and Christine. Jake sighs,

‘’I thought way too long about how to bring it up and it turned into something weird, sorry. But for real, hat?’’ Jake tries again, Rich tries to hide a snort behind his hand, it doesn’t work.

‘’Yeah, I mean it’s cute and a good color for you, but what’s up? Bad hair cut?’’ Brooke asks.

Jeremy heaves a sigh, makes eye contact with Michael for moral support, he puts a hand on Jeremys shoulder, then Jeremy reaches for the hat just like he did in the car. He pulls the hat off, ruffling his hands trough his hair to get rid of his hat hair. Christine squeals.

‘’You dyed your hair! You’re gonna be the best JD ever!’’ she yells before flinging both arms around his neck, Michael dodges out of the way of a wayward hand, but he’s smiling.

‘’Damn dude, cool!’’ Rich says, reaching out across the table to ruffle his had trough it. Chloe stops him. They make eye contact and Rich seems to catch himself.

‘’Oh, sorry, can I touch it?’’ he asks, arm still hovering in the space between them, he’s leaned out if his seat just about as far as he can, so Jeremy bends forwards and says,

‘’Yeah sure dude.’’ with a small giggle, and then Rich is running his hand trough the locks of black hair. Jeremy is staring at the table, and smiling. They all take a turn ruffling his hair, and Jeremy just keeps smiling brighter and brighter. Christine finishes ruffling his hair fondly, and that just leaves Michael. But he’s had his fill of ruffling, so he simply reaches out and fixes Jeremys hair like he did that morning, tucking a bit of hair behind his ear and smiling. His hand brushes against Jermeys cheek as he pulls it back.

‘’You gonna leave the hat off now?’’ he asks, with no expectations behind it. Jeremy bites his lip, glancing at the others at the table, they all give him reassuring looks.

‘’Yeah, I guess.’’  he says finally.

A few minutes before the bell rings Michael excuses himself from the table,

‘’I forgot a book in my locker, I’ll see you in English class, yeah?’’ he tells Jeremy, who nods happily before turning back to his conversation with Jenna. Michael garbs his bag, heavy with all the books he needs, and heads to the front desk.

‘’Are there any more tickets for the show tomorrow?’’ he asks.

‘’Just a few, none of them are next to each other though.’’ the lady answers.

‘’That’s okay I just need one.’’ Michael says.

Saturday morning Jeremy wakes up more excited and more worried than he’s ever felt before. He showers, gets dressed in a floral t-shirt, fluffs up his hair in the mirror. He’s still not really used to seeing himself with black hair, but he gets a small kick every time he catches sight of it in a reflective surface. It makes everything even more real. This is happening. Oh god this is happening. His smile falls a little. No. No we’re not going down that road. He shakes himself, waving the thoughts away, ignoring the rolling waves of nausea trying to overtake him. He mutes the urge in him to crawl back into bed, ignores the voice that says his clothes are terrible, he looks terrible, everything is terribly, being seen by anyone is going to be the worst thing ever today. He swallows, avoids looking at his reflection as he exits his bedroom, heads down into the kitchen. It’s 11am, and he’s going to head out to meet the others for something like lunch, before him and Christine head to the school to get ready for later that evening.

‘’I’m heading out dad!’’ He shouts behind him, opening the door and watching as Michaels PT Cruiser pulls up to the curb.

‘’When will you be home?’’ his dad shouts back.

‘’Like 9 at the latest I think, I’ll text you if I run late.’’ he slips on his converse, foregoes a jacket, deeming his cardigan enough for the pleasant warmth of spring.

‘’Have fun with your friends.’’ his dad says finally, and then Jeremy is out the door. Michael is rocking out to a song Jeremy can’t hear, singing along and dancing in his seat. Jeremy opens the door and

‘’Cut the monsters! Cut the curses! Keep the intro! Cut the verses!’’ Michael sings along.

‘’Are you listening to Shrek?’’ Jeremy asks, laughter in his voice. He settles in and closes the door, Michael ignores him in favor of dramatically flailing along to the song,

‘’And the waiting! The waiting! The waiting! The waiting! The waaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiing!’’ Michael pauses the song as the long tone ends, cutting Fiona off at the start of the next line.

‘’Hey don’t knock it!’’ Michael says, half defensive half laughing.

‘’I’m not!’’ Jeremy replies, giggling. He stops, looks down at his folded hands in his lap.

‘’But can we not listen to musicals, my nerves are kinda all over the place, I think I need something wordless.’’ he says, Michael reaches over and puts a hand on his shoulder.

‘’Of course dude.’’ he says, and then Rain by Sinitus Tempo is filtering trough the speakers. Slow and steady.

‘’There’s the star!’’ Jenna exclaims as Christine walks over, the lat to arrive at their chosen cafe. Christine makes a show of twirling and bowing gracefully, and the table claps as she sits down. Jeremy hands her the peppermint tea and blueberry muffin they’d gotten her earlier, and she smiles gratefully.

‘’So, how’re you feeling?’’ Michael asks, sipping his iced mocha.

‘’Like…like I’m about to explode from happiness and joy and nerves and the impatience of finally putting this show on for everyone to see.’’ Christine answers in a breath, and the others are smiling, laughing a little as she giggles. Jeremy smiles timidly, and Michael knocks his shoulder against his gently. Jeremy leans into the touch gratefully.

‘’I feel like I’m gonna vomit.’’ Jeremy admits, laughing nervously. Chloe raises an eyebrow.

‘’You almost always feel like that though, right?’’ Jeremy nods hesitantly.

‘’And it always turns out okay in the end.’’ Chloe finishes, matter of factly, like it’s a given nothing bad can happen.

‘’Yeah, chill out dude, you’ve practiced for a reason!’’ Rich says, reaching over and knocking his fist against Jeremys arm gently.

‘’Yeah Jeremy, if the rest of the performance is half as good as the part we saw in December, everything’s gonna be fine!’’ Brooke adds. Jeremy smiles gratefully.

‘’I’m so excited though, this is gonna be the first of many productions you’ll star in Jeremy, I’m sure of it! You’re gonna take the world by storm someday.’’ Christine says, jostling him slightly.

‘’Same goes for you Christine, I mean you’re already taking Middle Borough by storm, the world will follow.’’ Jeremy murmurs, lips quirked up at one side, eyes a little unsure.

‘’Well duh!’’ Christine says smiling brightly,

‘’But this is your first show, I’m an experienced veteran of the theatre!’’ she says, mock seriously.

They share a laugh.

The clock inches ever closer to 3pm, and Christine and Jeremy head off to get ready for the show at 5. They wave their goodbyes as the two exit.

‘’I need to go take care of something.’’ Michael says not long after, when he’s sure Jeremy and Christine are well on their way.

‘’What?’’ Rich asks.

‘’I’m gonna talk to Jeremys dad.’’ Michael says, and they let him go.

‘’We’ll meet you at the park, the one with the fountain.’’ Chloe says as he exits. and he gives a wave over his shoulder to let her know he heard her. He plays Wicked, hums along as he drives, and he finds himself outside the Heere household again in not too long. He feels in his pocket, touching the sliver of paper, and makes his way to the door. He rings the doorbell, and waits. Mr. Heere opens the door in a bathrobe, and is seemingly startled to see him there.

‘’Michael? Didn’t you pick Jeremy up earlier?’’ he asks.

‘’Uh, yeah. I’m actually here to talk to you.’’ he answers. Mr. Heere raises an eyebrow, but gestures for him to come in anyway, Michael does. They sit at the kitchen table. Michael pulls out the ticket he bought yesterday, places it on the table, and slides it towards him.

‘’Jeremy is in this. He’s good. I don’t think he told you, but I think he’d appreciate it if you came.’’ is all he says. Mr. Heere picks up the small sliver of paper.

‘’A musical?’’ Michael nods.

‘’I mean, he sings all the time, but I didn’t know he was this serious about it.’’ Mr. Heere admits.

‘’It’s today, at five.’’ Michael says. Mr. Heere looks at him with deep brown eyes, and they might be different in color, but he recognizes Jeremy in the sadness he sees there, in the regret, in the way they look both younger and older at the same time.

‘’Thank you, Michael.’’ is all he says.

The lights lower and the audience falls silent as if a spell has been cast. Thought the darkness Christines voice rings out, loud and confident.

‘’September first, 1989. Dear diary.’’ then the music kicks in. The light illuminates the stage, and there she is. Her hair is lightly curled, giving it volume.

‘’I believe I’m a good person.’’ they watch as she gestures her way across stage.

‘’I think there’s good in everyone, but here we are, first day of senior year and… I look around at all these kids I’ve known all my life and I ask myself.’’ she flings her arms out, book in one hand, a pen in the other.

‘’What happened?’’ she pleads, eyes searching the audience as if she can actually see anyones face over the blinding lights trained on her. The rest of the stage is illuminated, revealing the ensemble cast. Jeremy hasn’t made his entrance yet. Actually he doesn’t show up until the part they saw at rehearsal. Except it’s something else entirely. With he stage lighting and the full costume. His dark floppy hair styled and hanging in his face. He doesn’t look like Jeremy, his posture is relaxed and confident, and when those two guys walk up he doesn’t even flinch. He looks so unbothered by it all. The fight scene is even better this time around, and Christine sings her heart out, moving across the stage, hitting her cues and the comedic cues. The audience is wonderfully responsive as well. Laughing when the punchline drops and not being ashamed to do it. Jeremy and Christine had told them that sometimes people just don’t laugh during theatre even though some parts are supposed to be funny, just because they’re at the theater and feel like laughing isn’t appropriate, and then they get that trend going for the whole night and, yeah they’d been a bit nervous about that. The group make sure to laugh loudly and freely, just in case someone isn’t pulling their weight in the audience.

Jeremy doesn’t show up again until he’s striding into the makeshift stage set of a pink plastic 7/11.

‘’Greetings and salutations. Want a slushie with that?’’ he says, voice lowered just a little and tone confident. The black coat sways as he walks, moving with every motion, making his whole being that much more dramatic. It could be funny, if Jeremy wasn’t displaying the persona he’s currently putting on. The banter continues a bit, back and forth, Jermey picking up a cup and placing a straw in it.

‘’What’s a Baudelaire quoting badass like you doing in Sherwood Ohio?’’ she asks eventually.

‘’My dads work. He owns a deconstruction company.’’ he says, leaning casually against the pink shelf.

‘’DE-construction?’’ she stares quizzically at him.

‘’Yeah, the old man seems to enjoy tearing things down.’’ he un-slouches, planting his feet wide and making a slightly weird face with an equally weird voice,

‘’My name’s Big Bud Dean and if it’s in the way, I’ll make your day!’’ he says, gesturing with the hand not holding the slushie.

‘’Oh yeah! Then he pushes the plunger and the whole screen blows up.’’ Christine says, laughing kinda dorkily, looking out at the audience. Then she freezes, as if realizing what she’s just said.

‘’Uh, that’s…that’s your dad?’’ she says, looking back at him awkwardly. The audience laughs at her awkward tone.

‘’In all his semi psychotic glory.’’ Jeremy says offhandedly.

‘’Hmm, yeah well, everybody’s life’s got static.’’ she throws out, and on cue a very long very loud car horn drowns out all other sound, followed by a shout from off stage,

‘’VERONICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!’’ the two on stage stare off to the side, as if looking at the source somewhere beyond the edge. Once it dies out Jeremy looks back, and Christine waves her arms around as if to say ‘yeah’.

‘’For example, I don’t really like my friends.’’ she explains.

‘’I don’t really like your friends either.’’ Jeremy is quick to add.

‘’Bag the party, hang out here?’’ he offers her, easy smile on his face. The music starts up, gently in the background.

‘’Ooooh, seven eleven, swanky first date.’’ Christine answers, wagging her eyebrows a bit as she gets some candy from one of the few things that aren’t pink but actually looks real. She’s smiling bright, taking a couple steps closer.

‘’Come on, I love this place.’’ he answers, sweeping his arms out as if he is showing her some grand kingdom and not a small, mostly pink, seven eleven.

‘’No offense, but why?’’ she says, nibbling on the candy she picked up.

‘’I’ve been trough ten high schools, they start to get blurry.’’ he starts off, his voice is low and gentle, as if he’s still only in conversation with her. His profile is lit by the stage lights, and he looks magnificent. His face is open, tiptoeing around vulnerable, for the first time in the show.

‘’No point planting roots, cause you’re gone in a hurry.’’ he’s leaning on the pink shelf again, holding onto the cup like a lifeline. Michael isn’t sure if that’s Jeremy or JD, but it doesn’t look out of place anyway.

‘’My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it’s only a matter of when.’’ he shrugs as if he’s not bothered, but it’s a lie, his face looks sad, and Michael isn’t sure if it’s because he knows Jeremy or if Jeremy is just that good. He wouldn’t doubt his talents though.

‘’I don’t learn their names, don’t bother with faces.’’ the music swell slightly, and so does Jeremys voice.

‘’All I can trust is this concrete oasis.’’ he fondly runs a hand along the pink shelf, glancing around as if he’s appreciating the sight.

‘’Seems every time I’m about to despair, there’s a seven eleven right there.’’ he finally looks out across the audience, holding his hands up as if visualizing the corner store on the street up ahead of him. A crooked smile is playing on his lips, his hands are not shaking even though he’s now loosely holding onto the cup. Michael sees Jeremys shoulders lower slightly, and he knows. Jeremy’s got this in the bag.

‘’Each store is the same, form Las Vegas to Boston, linoleum isles that I love to get lost in.’’ he moves away, walking around the shelf, but keeping his eyes on Christine, walking towards her once he rounds the shelf.

‘’I pray at my altar of slush, yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush.’’ Jeremy stops in front of her and takes a long sip trough the straw, then makes a show of grimacing and putting his hand to his temple.

‘’Freeze your brain, suck on that straw, get lost in the pain.’’ his voice is back to slightly gentle, and the lights adopt a blue tinge as he turns to Christine again, who’s backing up very slowly.

‘’Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?’’ he takes a step closer, and she takes a step back, until they’re leaning against the edge of the raised part of the stage in the back.

‘’Freeze your brain, freeze your brain.’’ he sings gently, extending the cup towards her.

‘’Care for a hit?’’ he offers, speaking now.

‘’Does your mom know you drink all that crap?’’ she retorts.

‘’Not anymore.’’ he says simply, then he steps away from the edge, towards the audience.

‘’When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal.’’ he shrugs, Christine looks slightly scandalized. The audience chuckle at her dramatic face.

‘’Now it’s just me and my dad we’re less formal.’’ he gives the audience a ‘what can you do’ kinda face, but his eyebrows are pinched slightly.

‘’I learned to cook pasta, I learned to pay rent. Learnt the world doesn’t owe you a cent.’’ he sings, facing the audience fully.

‘’You’re planning your future, Veronica Sawyer.’’ as he sings her name, he whips his head around to stare at her again

‘’You’ll go to some college, and marry a lawyer.’’ he’s slowly turning around to face her again.

‘’But the sky’s gonna hurt when it faaaaalls, so you better start building some waaaaaalls.’’ He raises his arms, slushy cup still in his hand, and then lowers them slowly, finally coming to face her again.

‘’Freeze your brain.’’ he sings, raising the cup into the air now.

‘’Swim in the ice, get lost in the pain.’’ he sways it in front of her, as if trying to tempt her.

‘’Shut your eyes tight, til you vanish from sight, let nothing remaaaaaiiiiin.’’ his smile grows, as if this is a fact he is extremely happy about, slushy cup still held out in front of him, like temptation. Like salvation. Michael remembers what Jeremy had said about this song.

‘’Freeze your brain.’’ he turns back to the audience, walking towards the edge of the stage.

‘’Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain.’’ he raises a hand an makes a motion as if something is exploding next to his head. His face is intense, but Michael can see Jeremy slipping though the cracks as JD breaks.

‘’Forget who you are, unburden your load.’’ his arm lowers, he’s singing his heart out, desperately flinging his heart out into the air.

‘’Forget in six weeks you’ll be back on the road.’’ he’s staring out into the bright lights and the darkness beyond. Michaels remembers how Jeremy had said he saw himself in JD.

‘’When the voice in your head says you’re better off dead, don’t open a veeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.’’ the last word is sung like a desperate plea, voice rising rising rising. it’s so raw, like an exposed nerve, like a sore spot you keep touching just because it hurts. He remembers how he said he saw himself in JDs vulnerability. The music pauses as Jeremy heaves a few desperate gasps. There’s a moment of silence, as if he finds that calm space again.

‘’Just freeze your brain.’’ his voice is so soft and gentle, his eyes close, he brings his hands together, he looks serene. He looks at peace, like he finds the calm again.

‘’Freeze your brain.’’ his eyes open again, his face almost expressionless. Christine approaches from behind.

‘’Go on and freeze your brain.’’ he turns to look at her as she steps closer, singing the last few notes at her. Then the music changes.

‘’Try it.’’ he syas, the music playing a few sudden loud notes as he thrusts his arm out, offering it to her. The audience explodes. They’re clapping, and Jake is wolf-whistling, Michael is close to tears. He made a point not to listen to the song beforehand. He wanted Jeremy to be the one who sang it for him first, because it meant a lot to him, and now he knows. And he kind of wants to run on stage and hug his best friend, but he can’t, so he sits there, clapping like his life depends on it. Jeremy and Christine have to freeze for a second, as the clapping just keeps going, and Michael can see Jeremy fighting a smile, sees the pleased flush of his face, even though it’s barely visible from the lights. Christine grabs the cup as the applause finally dies down, and takes a good, long sip of it.

‘’Yeah, I don’t really get the big dea- Oh son of a bitch!’’ she bends over, putting a hand to her temple, and the fact that Christine just swore startles a laugh out of the six of them. They look at each other as if to convoke each other that yeah they really just heard that.

‘’Veronica!’’ Heather yells from off stage again

‘’Ah, I gotta go.’’ she hands the cup back as she gestures with a thumb over her shoulder, taking a step backwards to where the shout came from.

‘’So I see.’’ Jeremy replies, a coy smile on his lips a she reaches out and takes the cup back. He looks fine again, as if Jeremy hadn’t been seconds away from some sort of breakdown. Michael swallows thickly, tries to tell himself Jeremy sees it as a comfort song, because it reminds him of Michael. He feels slight pinpricks behind his eyes, but holds it back.

Michael gapes trough the scene where Jeremy literally kills someone holy shit what the fuck. And then Jeremy steps back onto stage holding two guns and oh my god, Okay yeah things just got a whole lot more real.

‘’Woah, are those real?’’ Christine says, voicing Michaels own question out loud. Logically he knows it isn’t real, like in the real scope of things. But in the play? Who knows anymore.

‘’Yeah, but we’re filling them with ‘Ich Luge’ bullets.’’ Jeremy says, and Michael doesn’t know german but he’s pretty sure that’s bullshit.

He was right that’s total bullshit.

‘’Three.’’ Jeremy says as he steps out of the shadows at the edge of the stage. A shot louder than thunder sounds trough the entire auditorium, and then one of the two boys standing there in boxer falls to his knees, and collapses. Christine shoots at the other, but he runs away. Christine laughs at first, then Jeremy chases after the guy who ran away, and as they shout off stage, Christine edges closer to the boy on the floor.

‘’Ram? …Ram you’re just unconscious, right?’’ she shakes him violently, desperation in her voice, fear in her eyes.

‘’Ram!? Ram!?!’’ she’s shaking him furiously now. The still alive boy runs back onstage, Jeremy hot on his heels. Jeremy looks furious, waving a gun around. He actually looks kinda scary.

He shoots the kid, and it’s just a play, but right then and there he’s channeling JD so well Michael forgets it’s actually Jeremy. Then he sees the gun shake slightly, and he knows Jeremy is still in there, and probably a little horrified at having pretended to kills someone.

‘’What the fuck have you done!?’’ Christine yells in anguish, and Jeremy turns to her, shadows hiding his face slightly as he stares down at her, singing as he approaches.

‘’I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours. We’ll make them disappear. We’ll plant our garden here.’’

Christine falls to her knees, crying, and Michaels heart aches. Jeremy approaches, tries to hug her, but she pushes him away.

‘’Our love is god. Our love is god.’’ Jeremy sings as he embraces her anyway, forcing her to let him hold her, and if Michael didn’t know Jeremy he’d be include to punch him right then and there.

They sing that line again and again, together, until the ensemble cast approaches from behind and the lights dim.

‘’Our love is god!’’ Jeremy sings one final time, and then the stage is plunged into darkness.

The lights come on signaling intermission, and Michael leans forward to look down the row at his friends, and they look back at him with the same expression.

Holy.

Shit.

‘’This is fucking intense dude.’’ Jake says, collapsing back in his seat, Rich nodding his agreement.

‘’Like, I knew it was dramatic, but damn.’’ Jenna says.

‘’I need a snack.’’ Michael says, and stands up as if in a daze.

‘’I’ll come with.’’ Brooke says, and together they make their way out.

‘’Jeremy’s like…a whole other person on stage, isn’t he?’’ Brooke says as they exit the auditorium.

‘’Yeah.’’ Michael agrees, a very intelligent and in depth response he knows, but it’s all he’s capable of. They continue making smalltalk, buying drinks and snacks for their friends, before heading back in for act 2. It starts of with organ music, and Christine centre stage with a spotlight trained on her. The sombre atmosphere fades away as ‘I love my dead gay son’ kicks off. Michael thinks this dude might be one of his faves so far. The stage goes dark as they finish, the backdrop lighting up in rainbows before the lights go back up, leaving Jeremy standing with his arms outstretched and Christine with a confused expression and stance. A generally confused everything. Jeremy starts sniffing the air as he steps closer to Christine.

‘’What’s that smell? is that?…tolerance?’’ the audience laughs. Christine begs him to give up on killing people, and it seems to work. For now. It’s all downhill from there however. Michael feels his heartbeat speed up to a rhythm he didn’t think the human body was capable of as the ghostly forms of the three dead teenagers follow Christine to her room.

‘’Sorry for coming in trough the window, dreadful etiquette I know!’’ Jeremy says, not looking the least bit sorry. He jumps down onto the stage, leaving Christine on the raised back part.

‘’All is forgiven baby! Come on get dressed, you’re my date to the pep rally tonight!’’ he shouts. He looks like a mad man. Stepping forward so he’s facing the audience he starts singing,

‘’You chucked me out like I was trash for that you should be dead. But, but, but.’’ he waves his hand in time with the beats.

‘’Then it hit me like a flash, what if high school went away instead!’’ he gestures wildly with the piece of paper.

‘’Those assholes are the key, they’re keeping you away from me.’’ he gestures angrily, his voice is slightly strained, and there’s a certain look on his face. Like he’s keeping back the anger, the hurt. Michael didn’t know Jeremy could look like that. He’s actually very glad he’s never seen him have reason to look like that.

‘’They made you blind, messed up you mind, but I can set you free!’’ he sings out towards the audience, gesturing wildly with his arms.

‘’You left me and I fell apart, I punched the wall and cried.’’ he walks backwards, turning towards the raised part of the stage, drawing his arm back,

‘’Bam! Bam! Bam!’’ he punches it three times, yelling each time. Christine flinches where she stands above him.

‘’Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside.’’ walking back out towards the audience, he gestures to his chest, almost punching himself in the ribs.

‘’And so I built a bomb, tonight our school is Vietnam!’’ at the side of the stage the ensemble cast, the students, walk out, a spotlight illuminating them.

‘’Let’s guarantee they’ll never see their senior prooom!’’ Jeremy stalks towards them, like an animal stalking towards its prey.

‘’I was meant to be yours. We were meant to be one. Don’t give up on me now. Finish with we’ve begun. I was meant to be yours.’’ his voice changes, going back to that gentle sweet voice as the lights illuminate the stage, he looks almost innocent where he stands next to the students. But he’s dressed in all black, in contrast to their colorful wardrobe, and he looks more like a harbinger of death that anything else. The Stage plunges into almost darkness again,

‘’So when the high school gym goes BOOM with everyone inside,’’ he’s back to angry gesturing, face contorting in anger. He turns to the group students,

‘’Pchw! Pchw! Pchw!’’ pretending to shoot them as a red spotlight illuminates him, casting odd shadows across his face, his mad grin standing out like nothing they’ve ever seen before.

‘’In the rubble of their tomb, we’ll plant this note explaining why they died!’’ he walks back, until he’s centre stage again, the music cuts out, as the voices of every single student rise in ominous harmony,

‘’We the students of Westerburg High, will die. Our burnt bodies may finally get trough, to you. Your society turns out slaves and blanks, no thanks. Signed the students of Westerburg High. Goodbye.’’ he throws his arms out again, letting his voice pour out,

‘’We’ll watch the smoke pour out the doors, bring marshmallows we’ll make s’mores. We can smile and cuddle while the fire rooooaaaaaars.’’ the students are bathed in red light, a grim visualization of what he’s got planned, but Jeremy looks thrilled.

‘’I was meant to be yours, we were meant to be one.’’ the light shifts again, back to illuminating, back to something akin to comfortable.

‘’I can’t take it alone, finish what we’ve begun.’’ Christine looks horrified where she stands, staring at him, glancing at the students, glancing at the three dead teenagers next to her.

‘’You were meant to be mine!’’ he pounds his chest again, basically screaming the words instead of singing.

‘’I am all that you need!’’ he sounds so desperate, pleading, broken open and spilling everywhere.

‘’You carved open my heart!’’ he tugs something out from beneath his coat, brandishing the gun.

‘’Can’t just leave me to bleed!’’ he clutches the gun to his chest, before running off towards the small staircase leading up to the raised part of the stage. The lights go out, except for a spot on him from the back of the stage, his back is encased in a halo of white light, and he is the consuming black void in the middle.

‘’Veronica open the- open the door please. Veronica open the door.’’ he holds a hand out towards the upper level, where it’s dark and they can’t really see much besides four shapes scrambling around.

‘’Veronica can we not, fight anymore, please. Can we not fight anymore?’’ he takes a step closer to the staircase, hand still reaching out. Then all the lights go out, and it’s just Jeremy.

‘’Veronica, sure, you’re scared. I’ve been there. I can set you free!’’ he’s barely visible, a spotlight from above all that makes his black frame stand out against the blackness of the rest of the stage. His hair makes the light shape a halo around him. Like an angel of death.

‘’Veronica, don’t make me come in there! I’m gonna count to three!’’ he shouts, aiming the gun into the darkness. Then the lights go out totally.

‘’One.’’ he stand still, barely visible.

‘’Two. Fuck it.’’ the staircase lights up, and he scrambles towards them, as if he’s running for his life. As he reaches the top the lights come back on and Christine is hanging there with a noose around her neck, swaying lightly. Jeremy falls to his knees, broken.

‘’Oh god…No! Veronica!’’ he shuffles closer, just a little, makes as if to reach out.

‘’Please don’t leave me alone, you are all I could trust, I can’t do this alone.’’ his hand falls to the floor, he bows his head, voice shaky.

‘’Still I will if I muuuuuuuuuuuust!’’ his voice grows, he looks up into the light that shines on veronica, hands balled into fists. The stage goes dark.

‘’Veronica?’’ the girl playing her mom asks the darkness.

‘’I brought you a snack.’’ she says, appearing at the edge of the stage.

‘’Veronica?’’ she asks a final time, and the lights flood back, revealing that Jeremy is gone, but Christine is still dangling from a noose. She approaches the staircase, catches sight of Christine and she screams. Christine slips her head out immediately, and it devolves into the two just screaming at each other. The dad comes in as well, and they talk before Christine grabs the croquet mallet to arm herself, and steps towards the centre of the stage. A red spot makes her blue jacket purple, and her voice is strong and filled with a mix of anger and regret as she sings.

‘’I wanted someone strong who could protect me.’’ she starts, her voice shaking with anger.

‘’I let his anger fester and infect meeee. His solution is a lie, no one here deserves to die. Except for me and the monster i’ve createeeeed, Yeeaaah.Yeeaaaaaaaah.’’ her voice rises, filled with resolution, and her face is fierce and grimly determined.

‘’Heads up JD, I’m a dead girl walking.’’ she raises the mallet into the air, brandishing it as a weapon. The students enter from the side, singing in the background.

‘’Can’t hide from me, I’m a dead girl walking.’’ she sings, still holding the mallet aloft.

‘’And there’s your final bell,’’ she lowers the mallet and raises her other arm, pointing up to an unseen bell, but it rings all the same.

‘’it’s one more dance and then farewell.’’ she gestures her arm in a slashing motion, like a vicious knife, cutting across the air and bringing an end to everything.

‘’Cheek to cheek in hell, with a dead giiiiirl waaaaalking.’’ she has the mallet raised again, and the students begin marching up onto the raised part of the stage. The lights are red, and everything looks red, and Michael has always always like the color red, but he could do with a little less red right about now.

‘’Veronica! Jason Dean told me you’d just committed suicide.’’ the teen playing Mrs. Flemming exclaims as she practically runs into Christine.

‘’Yeah well, he’s wrong about a lot of things.’’ Christine throws out, swinging the mallet slightly.

‘’I threw together a lovely tribute, especially considering the short notice.’’ she sounds almost sad, Christine seems to ignore her,

‘’Mrs. Flemming what’s underneath the gym?’’ she asks instead.

‘’Boiler room.’’ Mrs. Flemming answers, straight to the point.

‘’That’s it.’’ Christine says and makes to walk off.

‘’What’s going on?’’ the question is thrown after her, Christine twirls around, still moving,

‘’Got no time to talk I’m a dead girl walking!’’ and then she twirls back, running off stage. The lights dim and the red illuminates the back of the stage, where the students are lined up with pom poms.

‘’Hey yo, Westerberg! Hey yo, Westerberg! Tell me what’s that sound? Here comes Westerberg Comin’ to put you in the ground! Go go, Westerberg! Give a great big yell! Westerberg will knock you out, and send you straight to hell!’’ the lights switch, illuminating the lower part as the students turn their backs to the audience. Jeremy is there, Clutching something and then turning away to place it on the ground. He’s obscuring exactly what it is, but it’s not a difficult guess. He places it on the small wall of the raised stage, and then Christine enters.

‘’Step away from the bomb.’’ she says, decisive, no room for argument. And Jeremy jerks back, revealing that yeah, that is a bomb actually. Fucking hell.

‘’And here I thought you’d lost your taste for faking suicides.’’ Jeremy says as he gets up again.

‘’Oh, and this little thing?’’ he says lightly, almost jokingly, pointing at the bomb, bending over a bit as if to inspect it.

‘’I’d hardly call this a bomb.’’ he concludes. He walks closer to her.

‘’This is just to trigger the packs of thermals upstairs.’’ he says, pointing upwards at different spots as he approaches.

‘’Those are bombs.’’ his voice drops again, dangerously low, and he pulls the gun out from his coat again. Levels it at Christine, who stands there, staring it down as if she doesn’t fear death. Michael holds his breath.

‘’People are gonna see the ashes of Westerberg High School and they’re gonna think ‘there’s a school that self-destructed not because society doesn’t care but because that school was society’.’’  he steps closer, grabbing hold of the gun with both hands. Is voice is cold, rising every now and then, and he looks so threatening Michael is impressed with Christine for standing her ground.

‘’The only place that Heathers and Marthas can get along,’’ he cocks the gun,

‘’Heaven!’’ he finishes forcefully.

‘’I wish your mom had been a little stronger. I wish she stayed around a little longer.’’ she sings gently, stepping closer, and he steps back to avoid her.

‘’I wish your dad were good! I wish grown-ups understood!’’ she keep advancing, and he keeps backing up, her voice growing in power. They stop centre stage.

‘’I wish we’d met before, they convinced you life is war!’’ he adjusts his grip on the gun, it’s shaking slightly, and Christine is pleading with him, trying to reach out, but he won’t budge.

‘’I wish you’d come with me-‘’ she tries, only to be interrupted,

‘’I wish I had more TNT!’’  Jeremy almost screams, glancing at the thing stuck to the wall. Christine knocks his arm away, and starts grappling with him. She has to drop the mallet, but then she’s trying to pry his had off of the gun, which seems like a smart move. They keep grappling for it, changing positions and the lights are slowly dimming making it hard to see where the gun is. They’re chest to chest and then it goes off. A spot illuminates the two, Jeremys shocked face, Christines tense shoulders. She takes a small step away, and Jeremy goes down, gun still clutched in his hand. He makes a dull thud in the silence as he hits the floor. Michaels heart lurches in his chest at the small sound he makes on impact.

‘’Was that good for you, cus it kinda sucked for me.’’ Jeremy says, voice strained with imaginary pain, but it sounds so real. He still has the gun, aiming it at Christine, but it looks like he can barely hold his head up to look at her. It proves to much, because his head falls back again, this time for good it seems. Christine rushes over, falling to her knees.

‘’It’s over, it’s over JD, it’s gonna be okay, which wire do I pull? Which wire do I pull, JD?’’ she asks, desperately, voice on the verge of crying as she leans over him. Then she realizes, and she falls back to sit on the floor, hand covering her mouth and eyes glistening. She glances to the bobm, and struggles to get to her feet. She’s limping, clothing the edge of the raised stage part, and then she grabs the bomb, and the stage goes dark. When the lights come back on they’re green, and Christines voice fills the silence.

‘’Dear diary, the irony of this is that I never got to write my own suicide note.’’ she’s clutching the bomb to her chest, and a few sparse chuckles sound from the audience.

‘’Smart girl.’’ Jeremy says from the other side of the stage, he’s holding onto his stomach, clutching the small staircase on that side for support, his voice is laced with pain and he can barely stand. Christine steps back, even though she’s on the opposite side, almost as far away as she can get, already.

‘’Bring the trigger bomb, out here to the football field, and nobody dies. Except you, if you keep holding onto that thing.’’ he uses the edge of the raised part of the stage to make his way closer, pausing to suck in air trough the pain every now and then. He sounds so sad.

‘’I don’t deserve to live.’’ the words are barely out of her mouth before Jeremy retorts,

‘’I respectfully disagree.’’ he lets go of the edge, taking a few stumbling steps towards her.

‘’Give it to me.’’ he says reaching for it, but she steps away, he falls to the floor without the support. ‘’Stay away from me.’’ she says as she goes down with him, stumbling as she’s stepping backwards.

‘’Or what?’’ he asks, almost breathlessly.

‘’I am damaged, far too damaged.’’ he sings, leaning back a little. He does sound…damaged. Defeated.

‘’But you’re not beyond repair.’’ he sings to her, as if realizing he’s beyond saying, but maybe she isn’t. He locks his eyes on her, as fi he’s spotted the last way out, the last chance at salvation, the last good deed he’ll ever be capable of doing. Letting her live.

‘’Stick around here, make things better.’’ he crawls closer, dragging himself by his arms, and he gets so close he’s almost hovering over her. Then he reaches out with the arm not supporting his weight.

‘’Cause you beat me fair and square.’’ he tugs at the bomb, pulling it from her limps arms, and hurries to get out of her reach again. Clambering until he’s standing again, almost like he’s forget ting he has an injury, spurred on by adrenaline and the knowledge it’ll all be gone soon.

‘’Please stand back now.’’ he sings gently, and Christine struggles to her get up, leg still bothering her, but she makes it in the end.

‘’Little further.’’ he sings, and she limps away.

‘’Don’t know what this thing will do. Hope you’ll miss me. Wish you’d kiss me.’’ he’s walking towards the centre stage, and once he reaches it he looks back at her.

‘’Then you’d know I worship you.’’ he turns to face her completely, face resigned, posture ramrod straight and determined.

‘’I’ll trade my life for yours.’’ his voice grows.

‘’Oh my god.’’ Christine sings slightly louder, the events catching up to her.

‘’And once I disappear.’’ he raises his voice over hers again.

‘’Wait hold on-’’ she increase her volume too, desperately so.

‘’Clean up the mess down here.’’ Michael feels tears on his face.

‘’Not this waaaaayyy!’’ Christine pleads one final time.

‘’Our love is god, our love is god, our love is god, our love is god, our love is gooooooooooood.’’ the music swells, ever louder, ever approaching the inevitable. The stage darkening slightly.

‘’Say hi to god.’’ Christine barely manages to get out, her voice choked up. Then the explosion happens. Chloe screams, Michael feels himself startle, feels Jake do the same next to him. The stage had glowed a vibrant orange for a split second, then smoke had erupted from somewhere, and the stage had gone dark. The thought that he’ll get to see Jeremy and hug him and hold him and make sure this isn’t real is the only thing that keeps the sobs from breaking out, and Michael is sorta happy he isn’t breaking down into hysterics because of a musical. He’s just, very close to breaking down into hysterics because of a musical.

The lights come back on and the residual cloud of smoke hangs over the back of the stage. The students and teachers make their way onto the fully lit stage, they’re talking amongst each other, one of them might crack a joke but Michael sin’t really paying attention. Christine limps her way onto the stage, stopping in the centre. The other stare at her, and then the two remaining Heathers approach her, she kisses one on the cheek.

‘’Listen up folks, war is over, brand new sheriffs come to town.’’ she sings, holding the red scrunchie above her head.

‘’We are done with acting evil, we will lay our weapons down. We’re all damaged, we’re all frightened.’’ she sings, tying her hair with it.

‘’We’re all freaks but that’s alright. We’ll endure it, we’ll survive it.’’ her arms fall to her sides, she looks so tired, but then a smile blooms across her face as she looks at Martha,

‘’Martha, are you free tonight?’’ her voice lifts, the tiredness the hurt the pain, all vanishing in an instant. Like she has let it go, like it was nothing, like she can move on.

‘’What?’’ the girl asks, looking like a question-mark, arm in a sling.

‘’Um, my date for the pep rally kind of blew-…me off. So, I was wondering, if you weren’t doing anything tonight, maybe we could pop some Jiffy Pop, rent a video, something with a happy ending?’’ she says, approaching her.

‘’Are there happy endings?’’ it sounds defeated, but there’s a strand of hope in there that Christine tugs on. They sing their way to a happy ending together. They finish strong, and the applause has started even before the lights go out, but it just continues as they come back on, The stage is empty. Backstage Christine has her arms around Jeremys neck, hugging him as the ensemble cast run back onstage.

‘’You were amazing.’’ she whispers into his hair, and he can do nothing but return it,

‘’So were you.’’ he says, and then he has to go. He sees the lights open up before him, runs out onto centre stage. The applause doubles, triples, someone wolf-whistles, and he smiles the biggest he’s probably ever smiled as he lets it wash over him, and he bows. Then he steps to the side and Christine steps out. The audience goes absolutely crazy. She does a bow, then grabs for his hand so they can bow together. The entire cast bows, gestures to the sound and light crew, and then they’re running offstage again.

He gets changed in a blur, he’s so sweaty but he’s riding a high the likes of which he’s never felt before, and in this moment he feels invincible. Like he could take on anything, and maybe even win. Like he could tell his secrets to the people who could hurt him the easiest, and live. He’s back in his street clothes. Pastel yellow floral t-shirt, baby blue jeans, cardigan. He feels so light, like he could soar off into the sky at any moment. Then he exits the dressing rooms and sees Michael, and he knows he wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else than here, right now.

‘’Michael!’’ he yells, he actually yells. He’s so excited. Michaels head snaps to him, and okay yeah no, this is the biggest he’s ever smiled. Michael answers his smile with a blinding one of his own and Jeremys heart leaps. He could kiss him, right there, he could. He feels like he could. Just lean in, press Michael up against the wall and kiss him senseless.

‘’Jeremy!’’ Jenna calls, and he sees the rest of the group making their way over, and then Christine is exiting the dressing rooms and they’re all there.

‘’You were amazing!’’ Jake yells, and everyone joins in, complimenting, sharing their enthusiasm, clambering to tell the two how amazing they were. It takes a few minutes for them all to calm down, but pressed together in that small corner of the hallway, Jeremy feels surrounded by love, so he decides to jump into it, hoping they’ll catch him.

‘’I’ve got something I really need to say.’’ and they all go quiet, he didn’t really expect that, but they look at him, so expectant, he doesn’t want to disappoint them.

‘’I’ve been obsessed with musicals and theatre for a few years now and I kinda wanna get on Broadway one day if I can manage?’’ he says in a rush, voice dying down towards the end and lifting at the very end, so it’s more a question than a statement. They don’t seem to care.

‘’You’re gonna rock the world, Jeremy.’’ Chloe says confidently. and then he gets caught up in another wave of compliments and reassuring and the wave carries them out into the parking lot after a while. Jeremy feels indestructible.

‘’I’ll drive you home, yeah?’’ Michael says as the other part ways, the promise of a proper hang out tomorrow to celebrate having been established.

‘’Yeah, thanks dude.’’ Jeremy says, and they get into the car, into the old worn and comfortably familiar seats. Player 1 and Player 2. Against the world. Jeremy is practically buzzing the entire ride over, making small talk and discussing the show and it alternates between Jeremy gushing over how much fun he had and Michael gushing over how amazing he was. Jeremy doesn’t notice the way Michael keeps tightening his hands on the wheel, how he’s waiting for something. It’s so close, Michael can swear he can taste it in the air between them. He’s waited so long for tonight, and Jeremy is happy like he’s never seen him before, so confidently talking about the things he thought he did good. He pulls into Jeremys driveway far too quickly. He just sits there for a moment, letting Jeremy finish the tangent he had started, just looking at him. Just taking in the glowing eyes the smile the blush the way he’s gesturing. Everything that makes Jeremy, Jeremy, Everything that makes him love him.

‘’But uh, yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow?’’ Jeremy finishes, and Michael hesitates for a second, only a second, before he’s smiling and nodding.

‘’Yeah dude! Gotta party properly, but I can tell you’re about to crash, so go get some rest.’’ he says, and there’s a pit opening in his chest, a black hole nestled in-between his lungs, trying so very valiantly to swallow him whole. He keeps it at bay. Jeremy opens the door. He’s got a leg outside the door when he turns back, looks at Michael and tries to find the courage he had earlier, in the hallway. When he thought he could conquer the world, and have everything he wanted, when he thought he deserved to be happy. Something aches in his chest, and the ache makes him open his mouth, makes him say,

‘’Michael? I…’’ he hesitates, looks down at his lap, back up at Michael, back down to his lap.

‘’Yeah?’’ Michael urges, tense and exited all in one, as if he’s on the brink of falling. He doesn’t know if it’s a goof fall or a bad fall yet.

‘’It’s nothing.’’ Jeremy says, and gets out. Michael stares at the door as it closes, wants to reach out, wants to take what he knows he can have, wants to grab a hold of Jeremy and never let him go. Jeremy is making his way around the car, up towards his door. Michael lets the voice in him win for once, opens the door, gets out, takes a step. Then Jeremy turns.

‘’Michael, wait! I-‘’ he turns and comes face to face with Michael. He looks puzzled.

‘’Sorry, it just…it seemed important.’’ Michael says lamely. Jeremy smiles.

‘’I guess it kinda is.’’ he takes another step closer, and Michael resist taking a step back, letting the distance between them close.

‘’Michael, I’m…’’ he starts, trying to find it in himself to finish, There’s something in the pit of his stomach, something dark and writhing and nauseating and it wants to consume him, wants to drag him down and-

‘’You?’’ Michael asks, and he looks, hopeful? He looks like he needs to know what Jeremy has to say, and the dark feeling is suddenly flooded over with butterflies. His chest fills with warmth and he thinks that even if Michael were to break his heart right now, he could live. He could. Probably.

‘’I love you.’’ he says. It hangs in the air between them, the space that seems to be shrinking, inch by agonizing inch. Michaels face blooms into the most beautiful smile Jeremy has seen in his entire life, and he’s leaning closer closer.

‘’I love you too.’’ Michael whispers into the scant inch that’s left between them, then he reaches up and cups Jeremys face with his hands, closing the distance. Jeremy lets his arms rise, latching onto the front of his hoodie like he did in the basement, what feels like forever ago. It’s not as good as the first one, it’s so much better. It’s so much more. It might even be perfect.