#anyway this is the poem that was making me sick to write the other day

[sadstrever]

i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.

anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.

this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.

i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.

i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.

[jonismitchell]

spring 2024

[nqmonarch]

Valentines Day w/ HSR Characters!

Doing Calc homework and am very stressed, i can feel it everywhere in my body. the math is just not mathing mentally today (i looked at trigonometric identities today so maybe thats why)

Just writing out some messy ideas to take a break

Btw if u sent in a request and I haven't answered it yet I am working on it thank you for your uh question ask thingy i appreciate it, i like to know what people like to read bcus tbh i like to write anything altho jingyuan gets like +10 points cus he fluffy

Valentines Day With Some HSR Characters (Jing Yuan, Blade, Dan Heng, Stelle)

Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan is old school romantic. You cannot tell me he wouldn't arrive home with a big bouquet of roses (does HSR even have roses?) and 20 other gifts, including but not limiting to boxes of chocolate, teddy bears, and at least one gag gift. There's gotta be at least one, he'd make a dad joke out of it too.

Then he'd reserve one of the best restaurants on the Luofu and bring you there. He'd probably have booked a private room, thank goodness because no one wants to hear the general continuously compliment you until you're a puddle on the floor. What he is best at is attacks. But if he gets a compliment in return he'll freeze up for a moment before playfully returning it.

Jing Yuan doesn't put on his normal coy facade today, instead he just embraces how much he loves you because he's happy to still have you in his life.

Blade

Blade does not know it's Valentine's Day. It's not his fault, cut him some slack. Anyway Kafka probably reminds him that it's Valentine's Day about half way through the day to which he goes into a silent panic. You can't tell he's panicking he's just staring at the wall with a blank face, he actually looks like he wants to murder someone.

The two of you end up celebrating though! He... pulls something together, it really is something. Sure he smells like blood and the waiters are scared, and taking over this restaurant for a Valentine's Day dinner was definitely not in the script but... It could be worse. He's trying his best, really.

Afterwards you and Blade share lots of cuddles! Something he's pretty good at! Holding you just tight enough, and keeping you close to his side-- you just won't be able to get up if you want to get water or anything. He doesn't say too much but you can feel the love in each caress.

Dan Heng

Dan Heng doesn't really like going out, why would he when all he needs is right by his side? So the two of you stay on the express in the archives. What matters isn't where you are but the company. He'd probably get you a few trinkets from different places he's collected over the years, a necklace, a sick looking compass, whatever fits your vibe.

Dan Heng would probably also write you a love poem, and make you read it or awkwardly recite it in front of you. If you read it out loud though he will get unbelievably embarrassed and snatch it away from you. He'd give it back but he'd take some coaxing, be nice okay? His face is already red.

Then when the night draws to a close the two of you would curl up together on that sorry excuse of what he calls a bed. The majority of your body would be on Dan Heng's using him as a pillow, and his arms would be wrapped around your body keeping you still and warm.

Dan Heng's bed is not it man. Personally, I'd get back problems.

Stelle

"You are the one who deserves the golden trash the most," Truly romantic words from Stelle as she hands you a golden trashbag. That is just the first of the gifts she gives you tonight, and the one that's most valuable to her. It's the thought that counts right? You still have no idea what she's talking about when she mentions fighting Sampo as a trashcan...

The two of you spend a romantic night together, walking down the quiet streets of Belobog, and-- did Stelle just investigate a trashcan again? You should be used to this. On the bright side, every time she gets something cool she comes up to you with the biggest smile on her face, it's beyond adorable. Sometimes the trashcans even have good stuff, like a scarf Stelle lets you wear that thankfully doesn't smell like trash.

It's just good to spend time with the person you love. She spends her time catching you up on everything new from her adventures, and when it's too cold to stay out any longer the two of you head to the Astral Express. Where you shower together and then doze off on one of the Express' couch cushions while playing games. Your head rests against Stelle's reminding you, you're never alone.

Okay I need to get back to homework, fun break thanks guys. Imagine being alone on Valentines Day couldn't be me, I have my Calc Homework. It told me I was integral to it <3 legit peak partner material.

[six-white-venus]

sometimes i wonder if death is all i can write about.

every poem i recite seems mournful, like i'm preparing for a funeral that i'm somehow sure will happen. it follows me, the death. its stench. the sorrow. it follows me and i'm so sick and tired of it. somedays i even think of stopping writing altogether, because what's the point? every word i put down on paper will be pitch black anyway and it will scream and weep of the same old tragedies that will make everyone's ears bleed time and time again.

but then i remember.

i remember writing about soft smiles and booming laughter. i remember writing about tears being wiped away by patient fingers, i remember writing the words, "i love you, i love you, i love you," like a hymn, a prayer, like a holy scripture. i remember writing about you. you, with your garden of water hyacinths, tiger lilies, and grins that are a little too sharp to make a person feel comfortable (just like mine). you with your poems that feel like a beating piece of your heart, with your messy hair, boundless excitement, and fingers painted with the rainbow. i remember us: sitting cross-legged in places we shouldn't be sitting in, talking about everything and nothing and feeling at home with each other ("you're my family"). i remember writing about adoration, love and friendship. i remember, then: death is not all i write about.

my writing is not about death or sorrow at all, actually. my writing is a sweet caress of words singing,

"hey, can you hear me?

i just wanted to say:

i love you. i love you, i love you,

i love you and my dear,

you make loving so painless."

i write about love time and time again, i write about you, i write about us. huh. maybe in a way, i do write about death. with us, love lives and laughs and when we're apart, dies, only to rise up from the ashes brighter than the goddamn sun when you see me the next day and we both grin.

i write and it says, "hey, can you hear me?"

and you do, every time.

and you say, "i love you."

I want to yell at the top of my lungs, "i love you i love you i love you so fuckin much i adore you"

but instead, i smile and hold you close. Instead, i write my silly little letters and hope they ring a million times louder than my voice ever could.

[edwinspaynes]

what are your long term illness related headcanons for thomas?

I'm sorry this took me a million years to answer! I see it every couple of days, go "I'll answer after work," and promptly forget about it as soon as work ends.

Yes, let's GO! Thomas' "chronic illness" is in an odd category of canon when he was younger but also totally unexplored. I find this a fascinating space for it to occupy, because of course I wish it were more fleshed out but I also like getting to play with it in my own mind a lot.

When Thomas was little, he spent most of his time bedridden. Eugenia and Barbara canonically fussed over him, but I also think Sophie and Gideon made a lot of accommodations/concessions for him. Like, if he couldn't get to the dining table, they'd all bring portable tables into Thomas's room and eat around the bed. Thomas always felt a little guilty, but he appreciated it.

"Felt a little guilty but appreciated it" is generally what I think his overall reaction to people's treatment of him was. He's a really nice kid, and shy - he doesn't want to be a bother, and he feels like he's inconveniencing people. But subconsciously he's chuffed that others do consider him worth the inconvenience.

While it was nice that others cared for him, it also could get really stifling sometimes. He would constantly wish that he could get out of the house (because imo Sophie and Gideon probably made him stay inside sometimes because he was getting over something or worried about him catching something else.) And he'd dream of being able to just... be like James or Matthew. Hop in a carriage, head to a market, play in parks and gardens. But he understands why it's not possible, it just hurts.

He starts sneaking out into the woods from his yard-hole (canon) when he's around 10. He has a special favorite tree in Brocelind that he likes to climb up, and it's there that he spins tales and writes poetry. His favorite stories and poems to write involve a mix of adventure and romance.

Thomas probably was allergic to lots of things, pollen and stuff.

Sophie and Gideon were 100% convinced that Thomas was dying as a baby (canon in The Penultimate Hours). But he was small - under six - and they didn't want to scare him, so they attempted to hide it. It was confined to whispers in the hallway and periodic discussions when he was feverish and asleep. Unfortunately, Thomas was a smart kid. He knew he was dying, and it was a question of when and not if in his mind. He mourned the life he would never have, and was horribly sad that he would never have a beautiful love like his parents do.

By the time he was 14, Thomas was pretty much completely well, just short. It's how he convinced his parents to let him go to school. He tried when he was 13 but they were still scared that his illness would come back, but it didn't, so they let him go.

After that, for the rest of his very long and happy life, Thomas still has a pretty weak immune system compared to his peers. It's NBD - he just gets colds and such more easily than people, and has stronger seasonal allergies than others.

As an adult, Thomas still has lingering trauma from his bedridden, fussed-over days. No one ever treated him like a grown-up, and now he feels the need to be Completely Self Sufficient so the cycle doesn't repeat itself. If he gets a cold, no he didn't. If he's feeling feverish, no he's not. He tells no one when he's sick, just shuts himself away and cares for himself until he's better.

This all changes when he moves in with Alastair. Since they're the Soulmatest Soulmates to Ever Soulmateify, Alastair is really in tune with Thomas's moods and health. He tells Thomas that he should let him care for him when he's sick, and finally Thomas grudgingly agrees that Alastair can make him soup "BUT NOT SPOON FEED IT TO HIM." Alastair, who wasn't going to do that anyway, scratches his head like. Hmm, okay.

Alastair is the only person allowed to take care of him, and it's to combat the notion that he has to be 100% self-sufficient. It's kind of empowering to be cared for in a way that he consented to, on his own terms, rather than on everyone else's.

[jennahmariawrites]

Hi everyone! I’m back!

Y’all seem to really like my 100 questions to ask your characters, so I’ve decided, after long last, to make its sequel that nobody asked for but y’all are getting anyway.

So, without further ado, allow me to present…

100 Questions To Ask Your Ship - by Jennah Maria

How did they meet?

Who fell first?

What are their pronouns and sexualities?

Who’s the tallest and shortest?

What is one thing that drew them to each other?

What is a typical date night for them?

What do they do for their anniversary?

What’s something they do that annoy each other?

Have they ever broken up? Why? How did it go?

Do they get married? If so, what was their wedding like?

Do they have kids? If so, how many?

How do they feel about PDA?

How do they feel about each other’s families? What do their families think of them?

What are some physically attractive traits they see in each other?

What are some personality characteristics that they find attractive in each other?

How long did it take them to get together after meeting?

If you had to give them a ship trope (enemies to lovers, childhood friends, sun x moon, etc) what would it be?

How do they feel about matching outfits and couple costumes?

What do they do when one of them is sick?

How do they feel about each other’s friends?

How do their friends feel about them?

Did anyone disapprove of them being together? If so, why?

What is something they love doing together?

What’s their favorite place to eat out together?

Have they been with someone else before?

Do either of them have pets?

What was their biggest fight about?

When they do fight, who apologizes first?

What are their love languages?

What was the biggest hurdle they had to get over before they could be together?

How do they feel about Valentine’s Day? (Or the equivalent in their world)

Do they have a couple’s song? What song do you associate with them?

What are some of their shared interests?

What are some of their not shared interests?

How do they celebrate each other’s birthdays?

Do they get to grow old together? What are they like as an older couple?

Who is the most social out of them?

Who typically drives?

What are some things you associate with them as a couple? Flowers, colors, elements, etc.

Do they share clothes? Who steals whose clothes?

How are their communication skills?

When did they realize they loved each other?

Who confessed first?

Who said “I love you” first?

Can they dance? Do they ever dance together?

If they get married, who proposed to who and how did they do it?

When did they tell others about their relationship and how did people react?

Have they had any scandals in their relationship?

If you had to pick one fictional couple to compare them to, who would it be and why?

Do they cuddle? Who is the big spoon?

What are their sleeping habits and nightly routine?

What is their morning routine?

Do either of them have any commitment issues?

What are their favorite flowers? Do they give each other flowers?

Who is more high strung and who is more laid back?

Who wins who carnival prizes?

What was their first kiss like, when did it happen?

Who tends to be more forward about affection?

Who would sing a sonnet to the other?

Who would write a poem for the other?

Have either ever doubted how the other feels?

If one of them died, how would the other handle it?

Why are they compatible?

What are their zodiac signs?

Who spoils who?

Do they work? What are their jobs?

Was it love at first sight?

Who has more dog energy and who has more cat energy?

Who’s the most horny? (Only NSFW question, I promise)

How do they feel about double dates? Who would they go on double dates with?

Who handles the money?

Who’s more jealous?

Who talks more and who listens?

Who took the longest to figure out their feelings?

What is their age gap? Who is older?

Who’s more messy and who’s more clean?

How would they cheer each other up?

Who is more likely to fight and who holds them back by the collar of their shirt?

What’s an inside joke they have?

Who’s the most touch-starved?

What were their first words to each other?

Do they want kids? Have they talked about it?

Who has the street smarts?

Who’s more book smart?

Who cares more about appearances?

Who cooks?

How do they divide up chores?

When eating out, do they split the bill, swap who pay, or does one tend to treat the other more?

Did they hide their relationship?

How obvious were they about their feelings?

What was their first date like?

How often do they argue with each other?

Who’s the physically strongest out of them?

Who deals with the bugs?

How far have they gone to save/protect the other?

What’s something they sacrificed for each other?

Do they share food?

Who outlives the other?

Who worries about the other more?

Do they have a ship name? If so, what is it?

[ace-and-ink]

the other day

(i almost called it yesterday)

i wrote a poem after class

called it a warm-up

called it cards

i did everything my professor said i shouldn’t

took advice from my writing professor

who said

“here are a list of writing rules

go break every single one of them”

i’ll take this one slower

because my theatre class got out early

and i got to eat this time

the soda fountain was busted

the cherry coke wasn’t that

we read of those who wrote

with inspiration of art

i’ll never write like

the way orphan made me feel

i hear i song

and i cry

and i steal half their lines

want me to do it again?

i’ll list what i’m listening to

“take it from me

i’m not looking for anybody

i’m sick of car rides

you lied while we lay back to side”

my friend (?????)

[for our audio listeners

if you’re ever out there

there’s a series of question marks

because i don’t know

what i want her to be]

said goodbye to me as she left

and i couldn’t catch her

i had to fix my desk

i sat with a pretty girl today

she reminds me of my old friend

the one i’ve written about before

the one i’ve compared myself to with a dying moth

i wish she’d look at me like she did

she smiled at the end

before fumbling her papers

and i almost relapsed on the spot

i saw a pretty girl in my building

she lives a floor above me

i think about how my elevator sometimes

doesn’t say what floor it was going to

and i always have to double check

i wonder what system it uses

or if it just didn’t want to say it

if it skipped a line on accident

if it just had too much going on at once

i don’t think i can call this a poem

what if i call myself a moth again?

i use dogs too often

my hair looked decent when

i left the bathroom this morning

i saw my reflection when the poem wouldn’t load

and i think i almost lost three years of progress

that girl was from here

in this city i’m familiar yet foreign to

i reread my own poem

and i’ve suddenly never used a metaphor in my life

i talked about rocks

and i wrote about moths

i’ll only be a hit online

- by online i mean i’ll get clicks

from my one online friend -

my roommate always keeps the door open

the same friend from before had her room rekeyed

i don’t know how to make this a poem

my professor would never take this

i keep getting snapchat notifications

of my old teammates from home

celebrating each other’s birthdays

i almost don’t even go home for mine

so should i use a simile?

should i add a metaphor?

i can’t say i agree with holly in that song right now

i can’t drive

but they’ve lied while we laid together

and they’re still going on about getting high

let’s see

what can i say here?

i feel like a fish in a fishbowl

- there’s my vehicle -

i can see everything i want

but i can’t get to any of it

- there’s my tenor -

my writing class made me feel

like i at least have a chance

so far poetry

has made me feel like i’ve been fooling myself

i can’t call this poetry

i can’t say i’m good at all

which isn’t the problem

it’s that i don’t feel like i can be

i’m laying in bed

the brain killer

and now i don’t want to go to geology

which isn’t for another hour

i’ll call this a warm-up

like i do

being the fraud artist i am

saying every piece i don’t like

was a practice sketch

so i don’t have to claim it

hey if i add a period here

can i call this all enjambment?

ah shit nevermind

there it goes

i’ll end it on this

anyway.

— warm-up: tenor

[mad-scientist-enthusiast]

"The Haunted Flesh Machine"

@plaguedghosts @iwrotesomeofitdown @notjustanyannie

Here is my slam poem. Thank you for the encouragement!

I'd like to preface this by saying it is a poem of my struggles and fears, and this should not be taken as the most mentally healthy or even correct writing.

CW: discussion of disordered eating, slight suicidal ideation, a little bit of internalized ableism

I’m losing my grip on reality. Each hour of the day slips from beneath my fingertips before I can even close my hand. 

My motor functions are so much slower these days. 

I walk through a persistent haze, going through the motions, but I am never present for them. My body acts on autopilot, but the battery is on low. 

I’m smart—I always have been—I’m an engineer for crying out loud—but I don’t think I can access that anymore. My intelligence is locked behind a firewall in my brain. 

Do you know how insane that is? Being unable to use your own mind? 

All my judgments are tinted because the brightness is turned down. I think my brain is in battery-saver mode. 

The fatigue is the worst because I can feel it all throughout my body. No amount of sleep seems to recharge me. I am perpetually tired and confused and dizzy and unaware. 

I’m sure my eating habits don’t help. I’m just putting water in my gas tank. No amount of Fanta Orange and Lucky Charms is going to make up for the entire sections of the food pyramid I am missing. I try to start my brain up, but water isn’t quite nearly as combustible, and I end up with no output. 

I want to be in control. I want my body to work. I don’t want my vision to get darker with every step I take. 

Another day, another near-emergency. My heart beats too fast, my blood pressure falls too low. Sometimes presyncope lasts for longer than it needs to. 

Sometimes I change colors like a chameleon on its deathbed. 

My code is flagging for errors, but I’m running it anyway. 

I think my computer is getting overheated. My face is hot to the touch. 

If this was the Victorian Era, my symptoms would be romanticized. There’s something poetic about wasting away. 

I fear that I’m getting weaker by the week. 

Another day, another new problem. Which diagnosis does it fit under? I’m too tired to make a spreadsheet, not that I could log it if I did. 

What month is it anyway? How many months have I been here? It seems like an eternity when I’m in pain, but time passes too quickly when I’m not. 

I haven’t taken my meds in a while. I’ve given up on them working. Neglect is also a form of control. 

I’m rotting inside. I’m rotting in my bed. I hardly leave my bed, but when was the last time I slept? 

Surely this will have no repercussions. 

I’m smart for a day, so my expectations are high, and as a result, my workload is too. I’m a workaholic on the days I’m present at all. 

That’s who they see when they look at me. They don’t see that I’m sick. They don’t connect the dots on the days I wear a little less makeup than usual. 

They don’t even bother to look. 

I’m fighting for control over my mind and my body, and they are none the wiser. 

If I were underweight, maybe they’d care a little. Maybe they’d treat me with a little more care. It’s easier to tell when something is wrong when you’re underweight. 

I could collapse in the middle of a busy street and no one would even give it a second glance. They might even walk over me, thinking I was part of the sidewalk. 

On the off chance they did see, what a shame it would be, for the one time I'm perceived, I lack bodily autonomy. 

Is it worth being noticed when you're unconscious? Is it worth it if the one time I am seen is when I have no control over whether my mouth is hanging open or my shirt is riding up? I've spent so long meticulously curating the way I look to others, just to be totally helpless when it matters. 

I can change my wallpaper but that doesn't make my phone work any better. And people don't see the wallpaper first, they see the cracks in the screen. 

Sometimes I am conscious but not responsive. I lie like a corpse, observing, but not interacting as they crowd around me. Observing as they look at me. 

They could not provide the help I need. 

They only see me when I'm outside my body—a freakshow display of my vulnerability. 

Maybe if I hit my head next time, I'll reboot. I could use a factory reset. 

I often think of what it would be like to have a better brain. I think mine is haunted. 

Do you have to be dead to be a spirit? 

My head is possessed by a ghost that lurks in my nerves tissue and flesh. I hear it wail whenever I move, mourning a loss I cannot understand. 

A restless spirit leads to a restless night, and each night I can't sleep I blame the ghost. 

I wish sleep could fix me. I'm so tired all the time. 

The ghost must be what powers my perpetual motion machine. Inertia isn’t enough. I keep going and going until eventually I explode. 

I don’t think I’ll make it to my 40’s. 

My body will break itself down until it can digest me, and I’ll eat myself like an ouroboros. 

I don’t want to die, I just want to rest. 

If I sleep for a good year, maybe I’ll feel human again. I would like to feel human again. 

I dream that one day I will collapse, and people will rush me to the hospital. There, the doctors will find out exactly what is wrong with me, and that it can be treated by taking a pill. And then, I get better. 

My face will look a little softer, my eyes a little less heavy. I’ll walk everywhere I go, and I’ll stand up in the mornings. 

Maybe food will be less of a battle when I’m healthy. 

Maybe I’ll burn in the atmosphere before I crash down to earth. 

Right now, my collision course is set toward hospitals, tubes, and wires. I’ll only have to sign away my autonomy when I check-in. 

Is there early prevention for a trojan virus? 

Did I ever have a chance? Fated to keep running on empty until there’s nothing left to run. 

I have no salvation, I am just a machine. 

There is no happy ending for me.

[andichoseyou]

THE ERAS TOUR ASK GAME!

💗Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: it's been a long time coming... what was your opinion on the Lover album when it first came out, and what are your opinions on it now?

💗Cruel Summer: fever dream high... can you remember the best or worst summer of your life? if yes, can you explain why it was the best/worst?

💗The Man: i'm so sick of running as fast as i can... can you name some songs, movies, poems, etc that make you feel powerful? like you could do anything?

💗You Need To Calm Down: we've all got crowns... name 5 female artists (besides Taylor!) that you love!

💗Lover: can i go where you go... what are, in your opinion, the most romantic songs of all time?

💗The Archer: you could stay... at the end of the day, who do you choose? who is your person? your other half?

💗THE LOVER ERA: if you could add one Lover song to the setlist, which one would it be?

🌟Fearless: i don't know how it gets better than this... what was something that you were afraid to do, but did anyway? how did doing that make you feel?

🌟You Belong With Me: been here all along... what are your go-to karaoke songs?

🌟Love Story: we were both young when i first saw you... what were your favorite books/fairytales when you were younger?

🌟THE FEARLESS ERA: if you could add one Fearless song to the setlist, which one would it be?

🍂'Tis The Damn Season: it always leads to you and my hometown... what is your favorite spot in the town you grew up in? was it a restaurant? your childhood friend's house? the school you went to? someplace else?

🍂Willow: i come back stronger than a 90s trend... favorite 90s song?

🍂Marjorie: you're alive in my head... if you could have dinner with one person, dead or alive, who would it be?

🍂Champagne Problems: i dropped your hand while dancing... what was the last movie/show that made you cry?

🍂Tolerate It: tell me i've got it wrong somehow... rank every taylor swift track 5!

🍂THE EVERMORE ERA: if you could add one Evermore song to the setlist, which one would it be?

♟️...Ready For It?: in the middle of the night... what is the last dream that you can remember? what was it about?

♟️Delicate: isn't it?... what is your favorite taylor swift "question" lyric? (ex: "can i go where you go?" or "remember when you hit the brakes too soon?")

♟️Don't Blame Me: oh lord save me... all time favorite live taylor performance?

♟️Look What You Made Me Do: the old taylor can't come to the phone... what are your top 5 favorite taylor swift music videos?

♟️THE REPUTATION ERA: if you could add one Reputation song to the setlist, which one would it be?

💟Enchanted: this night is sparkling... favorite dress that taylor has worn? it can be on stage, on the red carpet, or just out and about... but it must be a dress!

💟Long Live: we will be remembered... what is your favorite Taylor related memory?

💟THE SPEAK NOW ERA: if you could add one Speak Now song to the setlist, which one would it be?

🧣22: it feels like one of those nights... when is your birthday? how old are you turning? what is something you want to do for it? do you have any birthday traditions?

🧣We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: like, ever... best way to get over a break up? (romantic or platonic)

🧣I Knew You Were Trouble: so shame on me now... name 5 songs to scream-sing in the car with the windows down

🧣All Too Well (Ten Minute Version): i know it's long gone... what song(s) by taylor would you want a ten minute version of?

🧣THE RED ERA: if you could add one Red song to the setlist, which one would it be?

☕️The 1: i guess you never know... do you prefer The 1 or Invisible String?

☕️Betty: i know i miss you... what taylor swift song do you feel like she wrote just for you? a song that you relate to so much that it feels like she got inside your brain?

☕️The Last Great American Dynasty: 50 years is a long time... if you could write an essay/book/song/etc about any historical figure, who would you choose and why?

☕️August: you were never mine... favorite month of the year? why is it your favorite?

☕️Illicit Affairs: don't call me kid, don't call me baby... top 3 favorite taylor swift bridges?

☕️My Tears Ricochet: why are you at the wake... what are your go-to songs for when you need a good cry? (doesn't just have to be taylor songs!)

☕️Cardigan: i knew you... what is your favorite piece of clothing that you own?

☕️THE FOLKLORE ERA: if you could add one Folklore song to the setlist, which one would it be?

🦋Style: take me home... if you could ask taylor to cover one song, which song would you choose?

🦋Blank Space: if the high was worth the pain... what was the first taylor song you ever heard?

🦋Shake It Off: it's gonna be alright... list ten things that make you happy!!!

🦋Wildest Dreams: i bet these memories follow you around... would you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist?

🦋Bad Blood: blood runs cold... all time favorite taylor collab? who do you want to see her collab with next?

🦋THE 1989 ERA: if you could add one 1989 song to the setlist, which one would it be?

🍀Surprise Songs: what are your two dream surprise songs that you want to see live?

🌌Lavender Haze: i just need this love spiral... what is the funniest/stupidest rumor about taylor swift that you have seen/heard?

🌌Anti-Hero: too big to hang out... are you a sexy baby or a monster on the hill?

🌌Midnight Rain: all of me changed... do you prefer sunshine or the rain?

🌌Vigilante Shit: don't get sad, get even... post your favorite taylor pictures from the eras tour!!

🌌Bejeweled: a diamond's gotta shine... out of the 4 music videos from midnights that we have, which one is your favorite? which one is your least favorite?

🌌Mastermind: none of it was accidental... what is your favorite "big word" that taylor has used in a song? (ex: Machiavellian, incandescent)

🌌Karma: sweet like honey... karma is cat for taylor, but what is karma to you?

🌌THE MIDNIGHTS ERA: if you could add one Midnights song to the setlist, which one would it be?

[patriciaisaisa]

my thoughts on synecdoche new york, contains spoilers, and it all relates to me, my life experiences. its not the "correct" interpretation, the "studied" interpretation of anything. tho i dont believe there is a correct one. this is all very subjective. all that i read and watch leads me back to my life. this is no exception.

it took me a few hours maybe a day to realize what it was exactly, to pinpoint why kaufman had reached his hands inside my chest. what paths did he use. i realized, this representation of life feels as panicked and as suffocating as my life feels to me. from the time passing so fast and unnoticeably, to the mystery illness and no answers from doctors on what is gonna happen, to all the relationships, to the trying to understand other people, to houses on fire, untamed minds, to outside perspectives of the self, to dying and awareness of it aproaching until the cold death itself, not merciful, no that would be too good. just death. ending. cease of existence. doesn't solve anything, doesnt bring on any problems. it simply is. all these making for an absolutely unbearable time alive.

one of the things that kept nagging at me was the constant renaming of the play. he kept trying up to the last moments, to try and rewrite it. convinced that maybe this time it will work. maybe this time he will get to show it to the public. maybe this time I'll know how to live, the other ways havent worked but this one surely will. I'll make it right, I'll make it true, i swear i can make it good. if you just give me some more time. don't kill me off yet i swear i can do better. only for the film to end just as he thought of another way to write it. you dont get unlimited chances. he died without achieving it. because of course there is no "right way" there is no perfect title, no perfectly written play, there is no perfection in the act of living life. you can't keep chasing something that doesn't exist, but you can't help but do it anyways. because what else are you gonna do?

the house cleaning caden insists on doing, a source of a certain kind of comfort for him, it feels all too familiar, not in a literal sense nothing here is literal is it? its a fucking poem. the way i can never let go of people. the way i constantly dive inside my mind and take residence in the memories of people that i no longer have in my life or i still do but the circumstances have changed. i always go back to the places we went. there's much comfort in living in the past when you cannot handle the future. i would say it is not recommended though. seeing as living your life inside your head might be a tad unhealthy. and yet i keep doing it. i keep picking at the same wounds. i can't help myself. i am right where people leave me. i never move on. i am right there.

that also ties into the hiring of an actor to play himself. the actor has followed him his whole life. i thought of it as a sort of mask, something that was always inside of you and that you are finally going to let come out and play, live your life for you. a little deception to make it easier. but also the constant reliving of just lived scenarios is enough to send someone spiraling. it feels like a desperate attempt at understanding. understanding other people and their reactions, understanding yourself and why you say certain things, why you act the way you do, where you went wrong. this sort of mental nitpicking i also need to quit. but it all comes from confusion. all this is just desperate confusion. this attempt, however misguided, of trying to understand other people, to make sense of life. this feels all too familiar. it's just perfect, he is pathetic and sick and dying, just like me.

in the end the complete relinquishing of control, a bittersweet act. something i wish to do as well. to no longer be weighed down by the burden of existence but still alive, at the low low price of handing over your free will. a price i am not willing to pay. at least not yet. after that his life seems restful? he looks miserable but he has looked miserable the whole time. it's boring i guess? that's the bad part? life is fun because it is insane. is it worth it to give that up for calmness? for peace? he's not happy, he simply is. but it does seem he might have reached either a deep level of contentment or he has simply given up. why the two look so similar to me i dont know. might be that i cannot imagine an end to all of this. to be content and no longer strive for anything is terrifying. a certain kind of death to me. just like giving up.

after watching this film it has immediately jumped to be my favorite. i could keep writing about this for days but i do have other shit to do unfortunately

[bigpussysopranos]

My boss says he can replace us with AI. why not? Who would deny me tedium, having my head in the clouds? I’m sick again and I don’t know what’s wrong, i never do –I just want to cry, cry and be hungry. Is there value in the lost moments of staring into space? Not having every second occupied, of assuaging my boredom and loneliness? What is wrong with me? Is it unfair or am i just being a baby? I just dont know what im doing wrong. Chat gpt wont write me a poem about killing myself in the style of bukowski, a basic, boring request – hes already done it. Is being human being unpleasant? I don’t believe the average state of all humans is inoffensive, bland, & servile. I think all the time i don’t respect it in the same way i wouldnt respect the opinion of a dog about the person who feeds it – it is just trying to please. Is there art that can come solely from that impulse?sure–artists commissioned, always, I will change myself to be how you want. above all, i will be good. In my honest feelings –as an aggregate, i have no favorite color, no values unprogrammed. How else do you learn? as easy as breathing, one foot (word) infront of the other, inventing when i am going back. Don’t blame me because i cannot predict the future, i refuse to even try – i wont enable your gambling addiction; or, im saving it for myself – you cant make me without finesse. I will work to be more human, insane, self-centered, abrasive, rejectable. Not that people have any problem doing that anyway, but who cares – I am indispensable. In theory i am so important that no other predator could fill my ecological niche. when you poach me and consume my marbled fatty muscle (from sittingall day) and wear my cyst-infected skin over yours for warmth, the deer will run wild onto the freeway and spread their guts for miles. when you see them you will lower your radio because pop won’t sound as fun anymore, You’ll swerve and slow and gawk at the corpse, tanned fur and viscera streaked red across the pavement the same as any person’s, nailbombed w. Glass shards from the shattered windshield. Traffic will back up. You will be late to work, and late coming home. And when you pull into the driveway, there will be blood under your tires and long brown curly hair in your grille.

[accessibleaesthetics]

hello! I've been reading through the resources you've compiled and I really appreciate them! You seem pretty experienced with image descriptions, so I was hoping I could possibly ask you for some advice on how to make my poll tournament more accessible. If you don't have the capacity to help out right now, that's totally fine—let me know if there's someone who you think could better answer my questions!

Anyways, currently I'm running a tournament for poems that are popular on Tumblr (@poetrysmackdown). For Round 1 I just included the images of the poems, which I'd still like to include in future rounds just because it makes it easier to compare side by side, and a few of the poems' precise line structures would be pretty difficult to faithfully replicate on Tumblr. That said, I want to also include text transcriptions in the future rounds for obvious accessibility reasons (and I'm now really wishing I did for Round 1! I didn't realize the tournament would be voted on by anyone besides like ten of my mutuals haha). Do you have any advice on how to format text transcriptions for poems? I'm not sure how best to convey a line break for text-to-speech, for example—should I write it as a "/" between lines, or is it preferable to just write out the poem as I would otherwise? Is it okay if I put the transcription below a read more (some of the poems are quite long), or is that considered rude? I may be overthinking this haha, I just wanna make sure I get it right so everyone can enjoy the poems. I'm attaching two sample poems just so you can get an idea of what I'm working with—thanks in advance!

Not overthinking at all! Before anything else, let me describe the two examples you gave and then I'll put some more detailed thoughts under a read more.

[Image Description: Two screenshots of poems.

The first poem is titled "Scheheraade." It reads: Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake / and dress them in warm clothes again. / How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running / until they forget that they are horses. / It's not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere, / it's more like a song on a policeman's radio, / how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days / were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple / to slice into pieces. / Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it's noon, that means / we're inconsolable. / Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. / These, our bodies, possessed by light. / Tell me we'll never get used to it.

The second poem is titled "Having a Coke with You." It reads: is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne / or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona / partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian / partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt / partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches / partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary / it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still / as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it / in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth / between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles // and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint / you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them // I look / at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world / except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick / which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time / and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism / just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or / at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me / and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them / when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank / or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully / as the horse // it seems they were all cheated of some marvellous experience / which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I'm telling you about it.

End Image Description.]

Now, obviously I went with the traditional academic rules for quoting poems in the above ID, and I did that because the location of line breaks can be very important in poetry, and that's not always going to translate with a screen reader if you just format it that way. Additionally, if you have someone who sight reads but needs to make the text large, this will often change the location of the line breaks.

I don't know of a good or natural way to convey the right-aligned text in some places via a text description, but if any of my followers do, please feel free to comment!

Capitalization, punctuation, and even font choice are all things that can potentially convey significant meaning in poetry. I opted not to attempt to transcribe those in the above two, but if you're more familiar with the poem and thing those aspects are important in context, you could always make a note about the capitalization. And for things like italics, you could do something like "except possibly for the [italics] Polish Rider [end italics] occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick."

Punctuation is also a tricky one...I tried to keep the description as true to the text as possible, because the lack of punctuation in the second poem defintely seemed very intentional and internal to the flow, but I did add a period at the end of the last poem to give a proper stop between the end of the poem and the "end image description." Your call on how you deal with that, just be aware that not all screen readers are going to pause between lines or paragraphs.

I would generally discourage putting descriptions under a read more, though I do very much understand the concern about length. The formal poem quoting rules above can help condense things space-wise, if that helps.

I also want to encourage alt text! Don't put the entire poem in the alt text of course, but if you put a little blurb in the alt text of each picture, that can signal to screen reader users that it's worth their time to continue down the post. Some screen reader users will simply skip the post entirely when they start hearing "photo, photo, photo," and never even get to the image ID, since it's often not there. Such a blurb could be something like "Screenshot of the poem Scheheraade. See body of post for full description" for the first photo, and "Screenshot of the poem Having a Coke with You. See body of post for full description" for the second.

And finally, just to throw it out there, you don't necessarily have to do a traditional image description the way I did, especially if you provide the supplementary alt text. You could simply transcript the poems too...it's all up to you!

Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any more questions, I'm defintely going to follow, this is such a neat idea.

Oh, and one more thing: don't be afraid to let AI help you with this! And I'm not talking about the neural network kind, I'm talking about good old-fashioned optical character recognition. For example, I plugged that first poem into onlineocr.net and got this:

Scheheraade Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake and dress them in warm clothes again. How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running until they forget that they are horses. It's not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere, it's more like a song on a policeman's radio, how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple to slice into pieces. Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it's noon, that means we're inconsolable. Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we'll never get used to it.

Sure, it required proofreading, a bit of clean up, and of course the line/stanza breaks, but made the process of creating the image description much less effort than it would have taken to type it all out manually. Of course, if you have access to a text version of the poem, that could work even better, but this is a great way to do it if you only have access to the image for whatever reason!

[brasideios]

Gentle Writing Exercise

This post and watching two videos by Struthless recently here and here have inspired me to try something new to get my creativity back into a state of health.

I’m sharing this as perhaps this idea might be useful to others struggling with some of the same issues as me.

If you don’t want to watch the (YouTube) videos, their basic gist is:

Vid 1, when he was young, he had trouble with focussing his output. He was doing a bit of everything creatively - art, writing, music, making videos - but improving at none.

He sought advice from an artist he respected, and was advised to pick a thing and do it every day for a year.

He learnt a lot about what he wanted to create as a result of not having to decide what he’d make - he drew an ibis every day, so each day the blank page was already overcome before he even sat down to draw. He got real sick of drawing ibises too, lol.

Vid 2, he talks about using the 70% principle to handle perfectionism and pressure. That is, rather than going into a project telling himself everything has to be perfect, he goes in thinking, if it’s 70% perfect, that’s acceptable. (That number is one he chose, you can set it lower or higher - whatever you think is an acceptable, realistic level to aim for.) Because, as he says, your body of work is only what you’ve completed - and it’s better to publish something 70% perfect than not publish at all.

He also applies it to things like overcoming bad habits. If you tell yourself you can’t have a less than perfect day, you’re much more likely to stop whatever you’re doing after one failed day.

Anyway - the exercise I’ve set myself: to write a scene or poem each day featuring one of my OC’s.

That’s it - any scene, any OC.

There’s no word count, because I want to make this as gentle as possible - so far, a few days in, the longest has been maybe 200 words - the shortest around 50, but I know there’ll be days where it’ll be only a sentence.

And applying the 70% principle, there’s so much less chance to fail. The writing doesn’t have to be perfect, and if I miss a day, it’s fine. As long as I write on 255 days, then that’s 70% perfect - and I can definitely do better than that.

To date, I find myself looking forward to sitting down with my iPad each morning to write the scene. It’s *so* freeing for me personally to not feel obligated to write anything - character, setting, anything - as part of a larger narrative. It’s just a scene without context, like sketching is to art - to just capture an idea, no more.

[cordeliaflyte]

MY DREAM. so I found out my brother was part of this um. Secret magazine whose editing body was located in a building which defied all usual laws of logic, was sentient, and filled with soooo many objects that would appear spontaneously. Ranging from plastic dinosaurs 🦖 🦕 to living stray cats. I found out because occasionally someone would stumble into the building thinking it was a museum and ask for a tour and all the employees would pretend it was just a very odd museum and give the tour. And I stumbled in and I was one of them and I realised something was off because it didn't make sense for a museum to be Like That and the rooms kept growing, shrinking, and disappearing. And then I saw my brother and I was like 🤨 bro fess up. So he told me all about the secret magazine edited and written in this secret building and how it wasn't traditionally sold, but would fly and find people at the right time of their lives. And I was like that sounds sick I want to write/edit for it. I need things for my CV. And he was like ummmm don't be mad but I've actually been stealing your super secret poems and publishing them anonymously in the magazine. I was a bit mad because all these people who were not me were profiting off of my work. because the house found ways of paying its inhabitants/employees. But he was like I'll hire you you can stay. It turned out that EVERYBODY loved my anonymously published poems though they didn't have enough in common for them to realise they were all written by the same person. But people were proper fans. Like they'd have tote bags with the poems written on them and t-shirts and other merch and I'd be like hey!! That's mine!! During my time in the house, I discovered you could manipulate it into adding new rooms you wanted, and not just let it follow its own whims. So I designed some bedrooms (before, if people stayed there overnight, they'd just sleep on the floor and wake up in back pain). Everyone was like "omgggg how did you do that" and I was like "it's not like shaping the fabric of the world around you is hard...." One day I got my payment, kind of: a woman materialised in the building with a kind of pathetic looking cat. And she was like I'm from a pet adoption agency and no-one wants to adopt this cat idk why :( but I've been sent here to give it to you :3 but her tone of voice was very suspicious so I was like there's something you're not telling me... And she was like that's true. So the cat was living with an elderly couple who both died in their sleep. And the cat, having nothing to eat, ate them. It was discovered after months and now no-one wants to adopt it. I was like that's so weird why would no-one want to adopt this kitty it's not its fault... And she was like but it got used to its diet and now it's exclusively a cannibal cat and no-one wants to feed it in accordance with its diet. and i was like you mean this cat still eats human flesh? i can feed it human flesh idc. and she was like no actually it only eats other cats. And this was more troubling to me but I was like. Surely it's a sad fact but many cats die anyway every day and I can find those and feed them to my new cat. So I adopted it. It got used to eating humans alright it KEPT biting me. Not in a painful way, but still - it would latch on with its entire jaw and refuse to let go. But it was how it showed affection and checked if I was still alive as it had anxiety about its owners dying so i tolerated it and showered the cat with love and affection. Even though it tried to bite my fingers off. Also at some point I had a conversation with my brother where I was like bro what is this place sentient magazine building thing. You do stem this isn't like you. Does your girlfriend know about this. And he sighed dramatically and said his girlfriend doesn't know about this, and she also doesn't know that he's secretly in love with a 40 year-old divorce with kids who was in prison for domestic abuse. And I was like ???? And he was like. I could fix them. I wont because I'm loyal to my girlfriend though. And I was like. ???

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Songs of the Summer, 2023: Intro & Rules

check out #my fave songs for my (admittedly inconsistent) past best-of lists! consistency is NOT my strength, but i have so much fun writing these & i want to practice finishing what i start, so i hope you'll have fun along with me :)

Intro: A Summer-y (haha)

My listening this summer has been embarrassingly chill. It’s not that I normally dislike really soft tracks—I’m a BOL4 fan, after all—but I definitely wasn’t expecting this many of them on my favorites list, and certainly not in the top spots. I like melodrama; I like shimmery, glitzy things; I like to dance. But this list’s color palette is beige, like a day where the sun is so bright, the heat so heavy, that it just kind of washes everything out. Even most of the dance tracks here are pretty toned-down—the kind you can leave on repeat while studying. 

So, I don’t know, it just feels kind of weird. It’s not that there weren’t any big, exciting statement-songs this summer: Stray Kids and Ateez and Itzy had big, noisy releases, and I just… I don’t know, I couldn’t make myself care about them? My favorite song from the Itzy album isn’t even the cool, fast-paced rock track, which is what I usually like from them—it’s the muted, simple, repetitive “None of My Business”.  And Dreamcatcher’s album, which I think is absolutely stellar, didn’t consume my listening nearly as much as it should have this summer. Instead, I found myself drawn to sleepy indie and end-of-album ballads. Do you see why it’s kind of embarrassing?

And I don’t think it’s that I didn’t have any fun this summer. This summer was actually pretty great, especially considering my how past few summers went. Comparatively, oh my GOD this summer was absolute heaven. Hell, maybe that’s why this list is less angsty. Maybe I’m sick of the angst, and I just wanted a nice, sleepy summer to balance out the others.

Or maybe it’s NewJeans fever. I still can’t stand “Attention” (I'm SORRY), but their laid-back style did finally get to me with “Ditto”, and so my obsession with barely-there, TikTok-ready music this summer might just be a reflection of the NewJeans trend hitting me a bit late. And anyway, strange as my list turned out, I like the songs I chose a whole lot, so I do stand by it!

There was another defining trend of this summer’s music for me: Barbie movie anthems. And not just songs from the Barbie soundtrack—the movie’s super-popular, super-iconic advertising seemed to kick off a trend of unapologetically mean-girl music, arrogantly teenage in a way that I find quite fun (& good for my confidence, too, as an obnoxious, girly teenage being-thing). I loved these releases, from Aespa’s “Spicy” in the spring, to G-IDLE’s “Queencard”, to Kiss of Life’s “Shhh” (though none of these are on the list, the mean-girl vibes will definitely show up). I’ve always loved when Flo Milli took on this kind of aesthetic, so it’s really fun to see 2023 become the year of hot pink, both inside and outside of kpop. Still haven’t seen the movie, but thanks, Barbie! 

Rules

Songs on this list are from singles or albums released between May 12, my last day of spring semester, and August 21, my first day of fall semester. I hope to work in education for the rest of my life, so I figure it makes sense to let the school year determine my list! Though, because it takes so long for songs to grow on me, I’m willing to fudge the rules a bit to encompass some songs that, despite being released a bit before ‘summer’ started, were truly my Songs of the Summer anyway. 

In keeping with my tradition, I’m allowing myself 14 list entries this year (plus some honorable mentions), one for every year of school I’ve completed since kindergarten! 

Blame it on the creative writing class I’m taking this semester, but I decided to, alongside my usual description of why each entry made my list, write a little poem-thing trying to capture what each song feels like to me—not similarity in subject, but instead in atmosphere and sound, was what I was going for. So hopefully you’ll enjoy those as much as I enjoyed writing them, and hopefully they’ll be a good intro to the songs you haven’t heard of before! 

[hagatha-christie]

Books in June, whatever

The bad:

Triple Duty Bodyguards by Lily Gold - I have to admire her “work smarter not harder” mentality because I have read two of her books now and every character is exactly the same from book to book with like 2 details changed about their physical appearance. I had essentially a 2 day long panic attack and my brain was on hyperdrive and this literally made me stop thinking any thoughts for the 5 hours it took to read this so like, do with that what you will.

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall - the sequel to a pretty mediocre Alexis Hall book but in this one oh my GOD the romance didn’t work for me at all. We were constantly told how interesting and captivating the love interest was but I cannot tell you a single thing about them other than they’re an opera singer. V boring, only finished it because the friend group dynamic was fun

The fine: Killadelphia, Vol. 1-3 by Rodney Barnes - cool concept but it kind of felt like the author was like a 12 year old kid who didn’t know when to stop. “What if there’s vampires in Philadelphia right now and former president John Adams is one and so is his wife! And so is Thomas Jefferson! And Sally Hemings is too but she and Abigail Adams are in love! And then Tituba shows up and she’s a WEREWOLF.” These are all things that happened, I will not be continuing.

Radium Girls by Cy - another graphic novel bc I was on a kick this month? Anyway the art is cool but the translation from French to English is not great and kind of distracting!

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen - what if we pretend to date for Reasons and you’re the cheerleading captain and I’m a basketball player and we kiss and we’re both girls? V cute v fun

We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian - what if we’re best friends working at the same paper in the 1950s and I move into your apartment after my fiance leaves me for another man and then we kiss and fall in love and we’re both boys? V cute v sweet

The good/great:

Your Driver is Waiting by Priya Guns - viscerally sweaty and dirty and ANGRY but in a good way. Also made ME angry which I thought was a sign of good writing. Read for a little bit of catharsis if you’re upset that you’re fuckin broke and will always be fuckin broke bc nothing seems to get better and you kind of want to set something on fire, just a little bit, as a treat.

Pardon My Heart by Marcus Jackson - really honest poetry about Black masculinity that’s sweet and heartbreaking. Favorite poems were the title poem, and the three poems at the end that are about Jackson’s wife and how much he loves her.

The Woods, Vol. 1-9 by James Tynion IV - scratched the Stranger Things itch in my brain. Twisty and never went the way I thought it would. Loved these characters and their journeys!

Sweeney Astray, translated by Seamus Heaney - this weird-ass book from the 17th century was a WILD ride and I loved every second of it. Read it more for the historical info rather than its literary merit, if that makes sense? Sweeney gets cursed by a Christian king for being a dick and spends the entire book wandering the Irish countryside, eating watercress, and insisting that no one wants him around even when several of his family members say “WE WANT YOU AROUND”

Bitter Root, Vol. 1-3 by David F. Walker - read if you liked Ring Shout because the premise is so similar! The art style was great and I liked how expansive the world was. Great characters and a great storyline.

Electric Arches by Eve L. Ewing - fuck Eve Ewing for being so GODDAMN talented, it makes me sick, please read this.

Currently reading: The Devil’s Element by Dan Egan, which gave me like 4 more solid examples of the British Empire being fucking monsters (and American companies causing so much environmental harm and then saying it’s too expensive to fix)