#anyway they made me ill thats all folks

[ponuchuu]

i fucking love the "A fell first but B fell harder" trope so much that shit makes me so ISJDJSJDJSJDJF

[sunbedo]

Hey guys. gay rights

[princessmyriad]

The spooky season crafties havent quite reached me yet due to Life Stuff but luckily i do have a halloween rave to haunt so theres that 👻

[ribbononline]

Oh yeah! Since I have no clue if/when I'm ever finishing these and I've had them laying around for forever by now- here's the adult IT metaverse outfits I've made! They're all based on their ultimate personas and the concept of heros! Since these were made for an aged up p4 cast, these aren't quite what I'd put their during p4 time selves in- some changing more then others- but if you wanna follow me into design details, that'll all be under the cut!

First off to get em out of the way- Teddie is very largely the same as his p4 time metaverse outfit I made for him back here . The design is still meant to be inspired by magical girls, but the biggest change is that while the old one was meant to look like a magical girl protagonists outfit, this one I tried to lean a bit more into the older/more experienced cast member of the magical girl group type design. Overall a pretty minor change (and I will admit, largely because I'm still incredibly happy with that old design) but it felt fitting!

Chie and Yukiko were, as always when I work on them, designed to match. Their masks specifically mirror eachother with the opposites sides sticking out, and they both have a golden dragon pattern on their clothes as a reference to the twin dragons move! Chie was... honestly one where I had to sacrifice my goals a bit. Like mentioned before, these were meant specifically for an aged up cast. And while p4 era Chie I would absolutely imagine in a kung fu Chung-Li type outfit, we know what a more mature version of her action hero dreams look like; the police! And I.... really did not want to put her in a cop outfit, Ill be real. Instead I just tried focusing on making the outfit look more mature. Also tried to combine a practical and strong look with a more feminine aesthetic, since she struggles pretty badly with her femininity in p4 and I like to think she'd grow more comfortable with her own brand of it over time!

Yukiko is perhaps one of the most drastic one for changes compared to her younger self- if you asked me to design a p4 era outfit for her, it would look nothing like this, hah. Anyways, she's definitely inspired by onna-musha! Compared to Tomoe who was a full on commander of an army going out there, for Yukiko the idea was more the women taking up arms to protect their home when the battle comes their way. Fully having embraced the role she has as the next owner of the Amagi Inn and the responsibility and want to protect it, it's meant to be somewhat of an outing of that!

Fun fact: She has two color schemes! Because uhh I did not know what to go for at all. Her ultimate persona is like a single solid color and I kind of panicked and just ended up winging the colorscheme. One is more red since, y'know, thats her color! The other is more white gold to match her actual persona better. Included at the end of this post for the curious

Rise was based on a greek goddess- though not any particular one, moreso how they're commonly depicteed in art and old statues. Pretty, holy, someone you'd go to for advice and help (someone just out of reach from the general public) It just felt like a good combination of something she'd like to be seen as and percieved as as well. She gets two outfits- for scan and fight mode! Kouzeon has no canon fight mode, thats just for Himiko, but man it exists in my heart. The transistion between the two is literally just her throwing off the long overskirt, hah.

How does her mask work? Excellent question. The p5 idea of having it there when vibing but gone when the persona is out feels a little awkward when her persona's whole thing is putting a visor over her face. Quite frankly I have no idea. Sorry folks. Have all concept sketches for the outfits I've done as compensation with a bonus Noot in there that I never continued on and finished.

[lilysaus]

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

[our-transmasculine-experience]

My aunt struggles a lot with like alcohol and mental health and I just idk why but I always got a weird vibe from her. We stay over at her house like 2x a year for a night and I just always never wanted to be in a room with her alone as she just gives me a bad gut feeling.

Since forever she has constantly been urging my parents to make me wear more "girly" clothing. When I had longer hair she would always play with it when talking to me and has always made sure to emphasise that I am a beutifull girl and has said in the past that many transgender people transition as they feel that they are so ugly that their only chance at trying to be pretty is to be another gender when it doesn't work. This last time particularly I was extremely stressed about staying over, idk why.

Anyways, we got there and everything was as normal but then my aunt got a bit drunk as night came and she started being a bit touchy as in hugged me and she kept on crying. We were all sat outside in this like outhouse porch thats detached and maybe 20m away from the house. Anyways, I got up to pet and check in on my dog as he left maybe a min ago and it was dark so I wanted to see if he was fine.

Not even a minute after I walk out of the outhouse my aunt follows me out. She got my attention and the started hugging me and rocking me from side to side. She kept on saying I'm such a pretty girl and that I need to remember that I will always be a pretty girl (I'm not out to my fam but I have short hair and always looked like a boy). Now would also be a good moment to say that she is a medical proffesional and belives that all LGBTQIA folks are just mentally ill. She has said in the past that she has patients who think they are transgender and has reffered them to mental health services each time as she just knows its all in their head.

Anyways, back to the story, she kept on saying how I need to remember that I'm a beutifull girl and need to fix my posture to show off my boobs. She then started fixing my back but one of her hands was on my spine and the other, well near my tits and it made me hella uncomfy so I laughed and stepped away bending down to my dog. She then said to follow her inside but her dog was near so I just assumed it was to her dog and went back to the outhouse with my dog as I just felt really odd.

We then went to sleep but for some reason I just couldn't, my mum went to the toilet and not even a min after she laid back down my aunt wandered in, literally only in her bra and underwear and walked up to the bed that I was laid trying to sleep in. My heart was literally beating so hard and it was so unreasonable bc like thats my aunt. My mum heard her walk in and got up and asked if everything is alright and my aunt just groaned and told her to go to bed.

I couldn't sleep the whole night after as I was so on edge. It just didn't feel like a family member but rather a threat.

I don't know if its just her drunk trying to reassure me or whatever and my parents don't see anything wrong with it. It could also be me overthinking it.

she’s not safe to be around. don’t be around her any more. i’d talk to your parents about this if you feel safe.

i’m so sorry this happened to you, anon.

[popuptent1]

Sooo i just finished reading the kamokedai match and i need to express the thousand emotions going through my head rn (rant)

WARNING: VERY HEAVY SPOILERS and a BUNCH OF YELLING AND RANTING

if you dont wanna get yelled at i suggest you ignore this post :)

yes yes I know im VERY late to the party and that this manga ended years ago but i just finished reading this so lemme just get it outta my system and ill be on my way

First of all WHAT THE HECC FURUDATE WHY U GOTTA DO US LIKE THAT

they rlly made it so that hinata got sick at the worst possible time huh

like i get it, its to build even more tension but they didnt have to do that i mean cmon my heart was beating stupidly fast while reading that. Takeda even made a whole like five page speech to hinata which is what made us readers all go "oh ye we're losing this match arent we"

And they even made tsukki have to go on the bench cause of his leg becuase why not rub more salt into the wound amiright?

Anyways after the out of pocket plot twist where hinata goes to the hospital it not much of a suprise that kamokedai won but it still hurt ToT.

Yes, i actually thought they had a chance of winning ok? i get that kamokedai is much better than karasuno but still. they couldve won ;(

and then out of nowhere ITACHIYAMA LOST??!!! like what the actual flic flac??!! bro is hitting us with 50 different plot twists at once. First hinata get a fever, then tsukki also goes outta action, then they lose the match, then itachiyama also loses the match WHYYYYYY

i was not mentally prepared for this and was so looking forward to seeing sakusa and the libero whos name i forgot play against fukurodani in the finals but NOPE I GUESS WE AINT GETTING THAT TODAY

Now onto the MAIN REASON I AM TYPING THIS (yes im just warming up here folks)

I am a HUGE fukurodani fan they will always be my #1 favourite team

i thought we were gonna see the semi final and finals matches after karasuno lost but NOPE they just skipped those and was like TIMESKIP TIME WHO CARES ABOUT FUKURODANI :D

(i havent read the timeskip yet since, apart from bokuto, none of my faves are playing volleyball)

so naturally, i turned towards google to see if they do win the nationals

I WAS SO CERTAIN FUKURODANI WERE GONNA WIN THE NATIONALS YOU HAVE NO IDEA I PUT MY HEART ON THE LINE AND WAS 100% SURE THAT THEY WERE GONNA WIN EM ALL YK WHY??

DO

YOU

WANT

TO

KNOW

WHY

BECAUSE FURUDATE MADE IT SOUND LIKE THEY WERE REALLY DESTINED TO WIN THE WHOLE DAM THING

SO WHEN THEY LOST TO SOME RANDOM NOBODY SCHOOL THAT WE'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF AND DOESNT HAVE ANY BACKGROUND AT ALL ACTUALLY KILLED ME SO BAD

they purposely got our hopes up and made us think that fukurodani were gonna be the ones to win (FUKURODANI WERE THE PROTAGONISTS OF THE WORLD, not karasuno!)

i fell for the trap, hook line and sinker 😭😭😭

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

seriously i dont get why furudate couldnt have just made fukurodani win instead?? everyone would be happy about that, and its not like its unrealistic, they're an amazing team, as shown multiple times in the manga!!!

GRRRrrrrr i am angry and sad and mad and depressed and my heart hurts and i feel like screaming into my pillow again

but i feel bad for being so negative in this post so i will end it on a (sorta) positive note for those who actually read that far into this rant lol

THIS ENDING OF FUKURODANI ACTUALLY MADE ME DIE (out of happiness this time)

they arent that depressed about losing bc they know that 2nd in the WHOLE OF JAPAN is still an AMAZING FEAT and that if they werent on the same team, then they wouldnt have gotten that far

konoha says hes grateful and considers himself super lucky that they were all on the same team (and specifically that bokuto was on the team since he's one of the nation's top aces)

and wow thats so amazing i just cant

MY EMOTIONS AHHH

anyways sorry for yelling to you so much, i just had to get this outta my system

The manga was GREAT and i enjoyed reading it so much haikyuu is my favourite anime and im so so glad i stumbled upon it!!! i seriously cant wait for this to get animated

drink water and i wish you happy tumblr scrolling 👍👍👍

[fratboykate]

I'm a bit new here. Are there any rules for sending you prompts?

not that i can think of? well, the only thing i dont do (or don't do often because y'all have made me break and do some filth-ish thing like once) is straight up smut.

dont get me wrong, i don't think there's anything wrong with sex scenes. im actually one of those people enraged at the current "sex scenes are not important/needed/disgusting" discourse. sex is a part of human existence. a sex scene can tell you SO MUCH about a character or two people. "but you dont see people shitting so why should we see people having sex?" because...again...you dont learn anything from how someone shits???? lol. and, look, even if it wasn't "necessary" for the story, it can still be a creative choice that the writer/filmmaker makes. it's art. those are allowed.

these puritanical gen z folk are driving me crazy with their stupid takes. not everything has to "advance the story". not everything has to be "plot". there's some phenomenally beautiful sex scenes out there that arguably aren't for the plot. but they're stunning cinematography and they tell you so much about the people involved. isn't that what it's all about? getting to the core of of these fictional people we're watching? what's more intimate than sex?

"but there's sex everywhere we should cut back!" you're literally lying...LITERALLY...it's proven by facts and numbers. this is the most sexless period in film and tv history. and the majority of the stuff that does exist is super sanitized. particularly film. we've suddenly decided that everything in film needs to cater to four quadrants/be appealing to everyone in the entire fucking world because thats how the studios make their millions. one of the first things that went out the door was sex and hornyness. it's so fucking stupid. and it doesnt help when people like dan fucking humphrey comes out and compares sex scenes to cheating on his wife so he won't do them anymore. SIR?????? it's acting??? no one is going to force you to do them. its your right to not want to do them. but to say stupid shit like that and equate simulated sex that is very often more choreographed and by the numbers than fucking full on fight scenes to cheating on your partner is BONKERS. it's stupid as fuck.

so ANYWAY...my point is that i truly have so much respect for the art of a good sex scene that i don't think they should be written. i write plenty of them in scripts knowing they're going to be shot. but i don't think sex is meant to be ONLY read. it loses all of the subtleties that the camera would capture. so i save them for when i can shoot them. ill dance around it and give you the beginning of a sex scene maybe, but i'll never go into it in anything that i write that isn't a script.

[haleighsplacestudios]

Hey u guys! Ok so ik it quite Christmas time yet, but i need 2 get a move on on it anyways cuz i always MAKE ALL of the Christmas 🎁 s 4 pple & w/ the shop stuff, show things, sum bday stuff 4 a few folks, an anniversary thing 4 my grandparents, & this giant commission in workin on still, ( its the 😇 s ) even now im b-hind... again 😅😬🤦🏻‍♀️ it happens every yr! So yea, looks like i aint gonna get 2 enjoy doin Christmas shit again.😅 Lol oh weel. Anyway so heres the 1st in a long list of things i need 2 make 4 pple. Its a monster 🍪 🗝️ ⛓️ 4 Gabe!😊 Thats my lil bro in case ur new here. Hi, welcome 2 the madness.😂😅👋🏻 Anyway i really like how this came out! 😁👌🏻 Mayb after Christmas time ill make 1 4 me 2. But until then just enjoy this 1. I made it outta clay, polymer clay 2 b x-zact but hey, who cares rite? 😂 Anyway i hope u guys like it & ik he will, this is totally up his alley since he's in2 monsters, & scps, & other shit like that.🙂👍🏻 Totally his thing. Anyway ive gotta go, & i will c y'all 2morrow 😊👋🏻

[thisisegregiouuuus]

bro 😻

its actually so insane how i used to be so obsessed w the shining. like looking back on all that i was litereally going crazy--and like my interests/phases only last like a week or so but damn that one alsted like 2 months or smth, i thought it would never end so i was kinda surprise when i watched it for like the 5th time or something and i went 'damn...this is getting kinda old'

i genuinely felt sad tho. it always feels kinda sad falling out of a phase/interest kinda thing, especially one youve liked for a while. like with the shining its fine bc i know i still like it but it was just a crazy 2 month-phase, now i still like it but like, in a normal, non-crazed kinda way lmao, like im not silently talking to myself in my head abt the shining and begging for someone, anyone to talk to me abt the shining, i was legit on the brink of madness, i couldt contain myself thats how much i loved it lmao

anyway. for now its not compeltley lost, i still do like it, but idk, the last time i watched it i could jsut tell i wasnt as interested as the previous times, and thats when i was like 'damn it, this is it ig' and it was super sad. it felt like a big loss, but then again im happy i got out of it, like i said. maybe it was for the better! now i gotta find smth else to occupy me and my attention for the next couple of weeks or ill go insane!!!

this whole the shining phase ended like 2 or 3 months ago or smth. now im jsut mucking around. ive been watching th eoffice over and over again bc yeah i do love it but liek theres literally nothing else to occupy my attention with. and i feel kinda bad saying that, like i feel stupid saying i need smth to constantly be keeping my attention or like keeping me entertained, but like otherwise i just feel like i have no meaning or purpose or anything to keep me going, and i need smth! im not depressed or anything tho i swear 🙏

anyway I LOVE THE CATCHER IN THE RYE!!!! in history today my favourite book of all time was like very briefly mentioned and i wanted to explode when i saw it, i so badly wanted to mention it but there was no way id do it in front of anyone so yeah. holden caulfield is fr me, or he was most like year last year when i was like so alone at school and hated everybody. i still dont like most people but its not as bad as it used to be

anyway i feel really stupid writing this whole thing, idkw, but yeah, for now idk what ill do. i am going in an out of different writing projects/little stories that ive made up but i can never commit to just one thing. i am going back to my main project tho, and im really happy for once because im just writing. im not worrying about what other people might think (even tho i literally dont show it to anyone i legit just write for myself i jsut get rlly stupid sometimes,) im honestly just having fun and writing what i like, and i think thats what writings all about. its not about proving yourself to anyone or trying to impress anyone, or trying to make yourself seem all big and idk intellectual and all smartsy fartsy and stuff. its litereally just to express yourself and have fun and put all your amazing ideas down onto paper, i love writing so much, especially when i dont convince myself that my writing is shit and tell myself that it's not good enough and if people were to see it they wouldnt be as impressed as i want them to be

but anyways, thats all! its been a while since ive been on here so yeah. i know no one relaly sees these but theyre still fun to write. i just like expressing myself, i feel like im honestly kind of better off if no one sees these. like it would be nice to have like a tiny little community or some friends on here or smth since tbh even tho ive been on here for like a year and a half i still dont rlly fully understand how this app works </3 im just here for fun! so anyway

thats all folks! ski you later everybody! 😼

(sidenote, yes ik i dont know how to spell 'literally' i keep messing it up😻)

[frostbite-the-bat]

goofy ass ms paint werewolf eating a mango as a divider between the rant under this bc i do not wish to be precieved rn but i still wanna rant some thoughts out

random lovely guzma urge to delyeet everythin on myne site bc not only did i make it for petz things back when i was active between petz folks and got some encouragement there and ended up never finishing petz things for it, but i also feel horrible and uncommited for it being hosted and made on weebly and for bein too lazy to yeet my shit over to neocities just cause that shit gives me a headache and instead of getting inspired by people i feel jealous and unwelcome

also been working on my sleep schedule its a bit better now and im like. better in general now..? idk how long i can keep this up but getting up early makes me just. so tired like all day urgh i do not understand how i used to keep myself up when this tired. tired tired. brain empty. hard to do shit for long. defo needs more breaks but i swear to god everything feels like its frying my brain but i got nothin to do indoors. guess i can go draw traditionall but i end up putting such high expectations on myself i just yeah. fuck it up. get stressed. not fun. i need to stop thinking about others bc i keep thinking i put effort into smthn i need to show it off.like if i wasted time here i might as well. no this isnt showable it sucks damn it

even stuff i do draw purely for myself as self indulgent shit i go urhh this aint right

oh and then i try doin a lil excercise so im not like. physically diyng but my god that tires me out like instantly. but its okay, baby steps.

dont know what sort of place i am in mentally. the type id prolly spiral a bit over if it werent nice and 2 pm. wacky stuff. i wanna maybe do some stuff but ugh my brain just. isnt big thoughts when im tired. but honestly when am i not tired. and i am getting art done but i cant get myself to draw all day again ill end up in pain again my hand rn already is being a bit of a bitch

uhhh played pokemon in the morning but i need better pokemon already. i fuck up every raid (raids i need so i can get better mons easier) (and my shiny ralts i want easier)

hmm maybe i need a break from stuff but what kinda break what even is relaxing in my case? and "break from people" is a slippery slope of self isolation i always slip into. bit difficult to figure myself out

also, different thing, but ive been considering this for a good few months now and kinda ignoring it but i read one (1) thing and i m intrigued to do more n more research now but man do not like how moral ocd clicks perfectly with a lot of my most common issues . so i guess thats a thing to consider going into (like research) . if it helps .bc dear god i am Sensitive

but uhmmm yea sleeping better now ig like i went to sleep around ONE. my usual sleep time was 5-6 am a while ago !!!!!!! 1 am has always been my kinda usual time. man and i used to do that even when i had school and i *functioned* with less sleep. how did i do that. uhm. not well i guess

but yeah. things.. arent feeling right and i kinda wanna wipe my brain. also the neocities thing seems to be a part of my issue of (ppl who dont care abt me) r gonna thingk i suck bc i dont do (this that i find difficult) (coding) i will be exploded forever and shunned andhated

uhmmm what else yea last thought i forgot as i was gonna type it and the last thing i am deciding not to share anyway bc Shame so hooray

guy who is eeypy tired

i am just realizing how like tired i am but if i go nap ill make it worse so uhmm cope i guess lmfao at least it keeps me going to sleep at a more regular hour but like srsly brain we got around 8 hours of sleep why are you tired we used to get less and function fine. maybe not as good but we functioned

[avo-kat]

2022 has been, surprisingly, the best year of my life so far. and I’m 31.

i had some very bad times, i struggled with depression and social phobia since i was a young teen, i’ve harmed myself in multitude ways and i came close to killing myself a few times.

im still here and im feeling the best and its only getting better.

theres a lot of asks on the internet along the nature of, what would you tell your younger self if you could?

and i found my answer. yeah, its cheesy, but: it gets better. it does. im the proof. ive been so very, incredibly, despairingly bad. i never believed i’d make it past 25. i literally could not imagine a future. especially not a future where i learned to live with myself AND love myself.

and i do. i absolutely love myself. i love who i am. with all my faults, with all my quirks, with all my annoying behaviors, with all my scars and all the bits and pieces society tells me i should hate about me. i love myself.

im not completely “cured”. i dont know if that is possible. i still struggle with things, there are still many things that scare me and that i dont dare to do. but it gets with each and every day. every day is a success, and every success makes the next step easier. i dont think ill ever stop having depression or social anxiety, but at this point in my life? my depression is at the lowest, ever. my standard day-to-day mood is neutral. its neutral. its not sad. its not depressed. its not despaired. its fucking neutral. i no longer dread getting up each and every day.

i wake up, get up and im looking forward to the day. im looking forward to do fun things, eat yummy stuff and just be alive and exist.

it gets better. but it takes work. the single most important thing for me was therapy. yeah. it helps. therapy helped me go from acutely suicidal to no longer wanting to kill myself. a huge, huge, huge fucking success. and therapy gave me tools for self-improvement.

it sounds silly, but those little tricks help. talk to yourself kindly, always. the biggest thing for me was to stop negative self-talk. it will still happen, but just let it go. ignore it, dont ponder on it, roll your eyes at those dumb things and think to yourself firmly “no, that is not true. im good. im kind. im nice. im funny. i deserve to live and to be happy. with all my faults and all my strengths.” it works, honestly.

(and yes, exercise and fresh air helps too, sorry! :D go stretch!!!)

anyway, back to 2022: WHAT A GREAT YEAR, WOW!

here my personal 2022 wrapped:

- put up wallpaper and painted my whole apartment, on my own, wow!

- got a cat, wow!

- got back together with my abusive ex but also broke up with him again and its almost 2023 and ive got not desire to get back to them, nice!

- went to a concert alone, amazing!

- went swimming by myself, such fun!

- bought a standing desk which i admittedly only used thrice for standing but is nice for adjusting height while sitting too!

- successfully made my favourite cake thats a bit difficult to do several times, so yummy!

- got diagnosed with ADHD and started taking meds (im off them currently again, i can deal okay-ish but i want to get back on)!

- found new music/artists that i love to listen to!

- celebrated my 2 year vegan anniversary and 2 years living by myself and doing a banging job about it! :)

- went on walks, managed to relax more and do more fulfilling things on the weekend instead of just mindlessly browsing, aw yeah!

- managed to drill holes into the walls to hang up my pinboard (has been waiting for 2 years), nice!

- discovered THREE whole new hobbies that i LOVE: needle felting, needle punch and embroidery! such stabbery! (hobbies, esp those you do with your hands are amazing for your self-esteem & mental health!)

(at least half of these can be attributed to being diagnosed with adhd and me finally knowing how to deal with the things im struggling with, hooray!)

happy 2022! happy holidays! happy slide into the next year folks!!!!

[nfnfnfnfndnfkfjfndksjsndnxjsojsn]

billys fav executions ( no this isnt from least to greatest or something im just n aming stuff i like ) - The 1,000 Blows : a great deat hto start the seriesoff with its quick easy and most grounded meaning someone can actually do this which i love about thingks like this i love how unique and outlandish some are but i love how grounded this one is and how bloody it is its pretty cool and awesome - The Cage Of Death : haha butter joke SHUTUP!!! this is really good is based on folk lore i thikn i used to be so mad at people when they made butter jokes anyways i dont SUEPR DUPER LIKE THIS ONE but i do like the motercycle cage - The Burning of the Versailles Witch: great metpahors great music i just like this one i may not post about celestia alot but shes one of my favs kind a this is a cool exueucation is a harsh finish that u can laugh at then reflect on how sad it is - One Woman Army: common peko W i love peko and this is great it can also symbmbolize about howstressed seh can be for being al itrelaly bodygrooaud BUT WHEN HE JUST COMES RUNNING IN AND SHE JUST HOLDS HIM thats nice it makes it memmemorable its a good start to the new game - Please Insert Coin: this is reallygood love the music and it mademe really sad i have so many ideas and it makes me sad they picked this one out of all of them but they did pretty good and its f itting for the ultiamte gamer wish it was more like storytelling but its good :) - Der Flohwalzer: now heres where things get good with v3 i may not like the game but the exuuecaitons and plot twists are amaing this euxucation is super painful and not so realsitic but atleast its not like mikans exucuation ( yes i know its a fever dream but i can still not like it ) this one is so good and the music AHGHGH!!!!!i really like how the thing just grabs her by the neck weee e and its a good plot twist when she gets up there its just so good the fact shes only hitting the white parts of the piano symbbloizing why shes not the blackened will forever make it happy in canon this may be one of the longest euxucations one of my person faves - Strand of Agony: ANOTHER W EXUUCATION this is forever one of my favs the way she keeps going the way its a giant rose stem theway the saws and the music and the way she ekeeps getting hit will forever make it me happy and the way she gets up there just to learn its a trap makes me forveer happy wish there was more gore but oh wel!!! - Blast Off! Second Ignition: my mom loves this euxucation and cries to it its not my personal i love this so much but its sad enough to make me happy i dontlike how its not realstic but oh well i dont care but this point its good the music is good andits sad fhjfnjk ok im done sorry if this is messy i just wanted to talk about this exucation i will make a FULL LIST OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM including the show but for now hes jus t some of my faves ill also be doing a unused exucation list soon with proper gramamr

[shallowrambles]

@minalblood #take all the time you need shal#id love to read it and im sure ill love it#but u dont owe it to anyone to post anything even a fic#just take care of the things u need to now#i will say tho#i only ever have unfinished fics on my ao3 and they def need editing that ill never do and so do a looot of people#no judgement from our side id say#but again u do u#thats more important

Thanks. I'm so glad it's not just me. <3

One of the joyful but also funny things I've learned since joining a fandom last fall, is that even when you're a small-time type person, there's this larger community of genuinely good, professional-level writers who polish and do the writing thing in a big way! (Graphics! Proofreading! Professional prose! Publishing on a schedule!)

I don't really consider myself a "writer" by any stretch, not a meta writer, not a fic writer. I was a jock, not an English major! :( Also, I'm just not organized or, let's face it, well enough for that! I can't write ahead of time, because there's always that spooky knowledge in the back of my mind that I might not live that long, and that sort of strangles the whole process for me when I try to do things “the proper” way (“complete it first.”)

It's much more comfortable for me to sling stuff in my little diary as it comes. Sometimes that gets more formal later, sometimes it doesn't. Mostly, it just gets lost, and I'm sorry about that. I'm grateful a handful of folks care. But I'm never going to be one of those writer types. I’m more of a play-and-ideas person.

Anyway, your words made me feel a lot better about it. I'm glad I have equally chaotic friends on here.

are you planning on writing more of the lebanon au or at least put what you have on ao3? i really want to see rowena and john fight

Thx. I'm still rotating it in my head, and I'm too ashamed to put anything else on ao3 r/n. The other unfinished, badly-in-need-of-rewriting-and-editing stuff is just sitting...out there.

😳

[doodlebeeberry]

honestly im just glad i havent gotten yelled at for spamming tags yet lol

[a-romantic--aromantic]

<- is making insane decisions about aro/aspec “picnic” at pride next year.

The plan was originally to have it be completely unofficial and just me in the dc pride festival on an aro flag picnic blanket with some crafts but idk my mental health is crashing and making these things/organizing this may help. idk i want my future to be in community organizing so. it makes me feel good. anyways onto what i was talking about:

So. im deciding if i want to be someone with a table or not, if i want it to be aro or aspec, or if i want to have pride stuff available for donation only or not (aka no money accepted). (idk what to donate towards. maybe just explaining that i made all of this with my own free time/ money and any extra money will get donating to ace and aro advocacy project- which i think is located in the same city as the pride event- or AUREA? or just outright donating but… this all sounds really expensive which im anxious about but. i am okay with outright donating if thats a better idea idk)

ANYWAYS

I’m not sure if a table costs money or anything, but I dont think aro culture and aro pride should be locked behind a paywall. If I have aro pride stuff available, it would likely be:

bulk purchased silicone rings. the packs of rings dont just come in white, and almost always contain black, but id just have all the colors in a bowl with a sign about the meanings of black and white rings

diy low quality stickers. and im talking printouts and packing tape level quality. id probably also reach out to some aro/aspec artists if theyd be okay with me printing some of their designs for free pride stickers with their @ on the back. again, no profiting off their art, just having subtle aro/aspec options for closeted folks. also obviously the pride flags themselves/ like the heart emojis and stuff. if i get permission for the <2 i also think thatd be funny to have. id try to print off as many of the specific arsospec identities as i could, too.

some mini pride flags. like on the little stick and stuff? i already reached out to somebody about aplatonic and the new aspec flags. these will be on display at minimum, but im tempted to see how much bulk purchasing to give away for free would cost

….real pride flags, including aplatonic and the new aspec flag. im most hesitant about this because $$$ but…. i know how much it would mean to people, yknow?

i also want like. *stuff to do* to engage in community building and growth, so id likely have kandi bracelet stuff too, and be making aro/aplatonic/aspec bracelets to entertain myself while i sit there for folks without the time to make their own. (also! apparently grey bracelets are an old greyspec symbol. thats so cool!)

ive had it in my mind since early 2020 i want aro ribbon available for turning into shoelaces and im not gonna let up on this decision.

i just…. i really want to be able to connect with members of my community and raise awareness and recognition or aros/apls/aspecs in queer spaces, and i thought this may help.

these things are a little more hesitant but im thinking shrinky-dink keychains of these things/culture and symbols…? same thing @ artists, but uhhh if no one approves ill draw my Very Best. most of these will ALSO be stickers (if i do it)

(these are all old or current aspec culture. aro specific ones im more likely to do. also apl im more likely to do and may get ** but idk yet)

arospec

dragons

yellow roses

<2 (i got permission!!!!)

a little crown?? people are referencing jughead and you know what Sure.

frog,,

green! we sure do love green huh. just like scribbles gkfhjf

…garlic bread? i think i saw that get phased out for dragons but you know what sure

plants..? i hadn’t realized that counted ngl

gryphons! i knew about them

(cacti/succulents but i already said plants)

“no romo”

does space count as aspec culture? idk guys

peridot and labradite? hm. cool!

somebody said aardvarks but ive never seen that before. apparently theyre a really old symbol. thats so cool!

💚 and 💔

pizza and ice cream but garlic bread got more popular (tho these are easier to draw)

manticores

i saw rats..? ehhh im hesitant on that one

Nandays and Caiques :) okay this one is cute

acespec

pegasus

cake

dragons are also very definitely acespec too

pirates

axolotls (though i think we can share)

wolves??? huh.

apparently ghosts are greyspec and!!!! holy shit that me! thats my name! fucking Wild Thats So Cool

someone reffed dinosaurs? cool cool

aaaahhhhg so space is Definitely acespec i forgot the whole spAce thing lol

purple

badgers and unicorns? hm

♠️♣️♥️♦️ cards/symbols. i also recognize peole can turn these into earrings which. real. queer culture irl.

aplatonic

<2 (this is more loveless/heartless but i see it used a lot in aplatonic circles as well)

apples

bees, worms, and birds have been proposed but havent seen much use yet. there has been some use though!

tbh since i cant find much ill likely have a sign that says something like “aplatonic culture is only recently getting enough visibility to be seen as separate from aro culture, so as the growing community develops new symbols we should keep an eye out! im excited to watch this community and identity finally get recognition like it deserves

do i propose platonic solids? idk you guys

*aspen/fang reminded me that non-platonic solids exist as well and are getting used as a symbol. Nice!

general aspec

cryptids

im not making an aroace category but someone said handshake tattoos… imma pass on this one because its not apl friendly

i associate cross stitch and diy patches as aro core/ aspec but thats just me

lambda is queer culture and we belong to that too

i saw a lot of black triangle (as well as gradient) refs but idk if that is Ace Specific or not, but it Is a symbol i think is important to not overlook

ive seen bees used every so often in aro communities as well as aplatonic,

you know what the d&d “roll for x” is funny ill take that

flags

anyways sorry i kinda went off with the research But. ive wanted to do this for Years (since 2019/early 2020 when this blog started Yknow. happenin) and i. i want to make it actually happen in 2023. its going to. i am gonna will it into existence. i just want to build a community i can interact with, yknow? thats all.

Anyways let me know what you think! i recognize this is a Lot and honestly ridiculous but who knows, yknow?