#anyway she took it so well!!!!!!! and im so happy!!!!!!!!!!
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hehehe!!!
#told my mom about my bf (only told her that we're friends for now but that will obviously change soon!!)#she thinks he's cute and she also thinks that i have a crush on him#which is. obviously true but lol i can't even pretend that im not in love with him that's so funny#anyway she took it so well!!!!!!! and im so happy!!!!!!!!!!#i was so brave all week im so proud of myself. i even had a pizza today:)#rambling
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the star you've longed for
#PLEASE WATCH REVUE STARLIGHT!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥#project sekai#revue starlight#pjsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#emunene#prsk#proseka#yuri win. i make my fav pairing fight tothe death#HAPPY EMUNENE WEEK LOOOOOL#Can i be hinestni think this sucks it took way too long cause i forgot how to draw for a week#im seeing demons and stuff. i feel more normal now. Also you may recall emu has a big hammer for revstar#thats the bottom of it the gem thing all the weapons have hers is sharp#i remember seeing meta post abt how mahiru has a blunt weapon because she never actually aimed for the lead role#rather she only wanted to be by karen's side. so her weapon wasnt capable of cutting anything in the first place#Fastforward to the movie and well LOLLLLL#though i think its funny in the movie her mace is still mostly used for i timidation againstbhikari.. bc again shes not winning for a lead#revue starlight youre neat. maybe i like revstar.#<- has been insane for 4+ years#Needed their pose to be smth where nenes weapon isnt visible because I DONT KNOW WHAT WEAPON TO GIVE HER. OOMFS HELP. I NEED A NENE WEAPON.#i thought some sort of polearm/spear/halberd etc something with range but that can be ambitious#but i feel like smth with that much footwork needed doesnt suit her.. And she cant hsve a sniper i dont think thatwould fucking work#aruru gets pistols in the revue but aruru also is Ummm well shes uhhh. [screaming] [car crash]#throwing knives would be funny wouldnt it. Put that gamer aim to use#idk if the emunene week tag is on here but i'll donit anyways#emuneneweek2024#EDIT: i have decided nene gets a rapier. its awesome. thanks for coming#tsukasa has his giant flag and i dont want to budge on that. im thinking about giving rui the throwing knives since he juggles.#it would be funny. saki + rui knife juggling
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The maybe-sorta-not-really-almost blowjob scene, because I don't think I've drawn them together before and this is probably the best place to start.
(Tumblr ate my quality :( pls click to rescue it)
#ik the pose is not canonically accurate but my composition demanded as much.#alternatively it could be done with the same pose as Germanic Warrior with Helmet but thia took long enough no full body paintings for me.#and it took. so long. I've been at this since may.#probably over 25 hours total.#please please please zoom in. look at the details. make an artist happy.#anyways! does anyone else associate Ouyang with red? specifically rust red.#Esen and Baoxiang are blue and dark blue respectively.#while Zhu is yellow/orange.#so Ouyang being red works in my head bc it places him opposite to Esen's blue.#with red and navy blue being commonly put together despite being very different and even clashing (Ouyang and Baoxiang)#red is right next to orange on the color wheel#and red/yellow/orange mix into each other to become the same colors with Ouyang and Zhu#hence the colors of this piece#plus dark rust red/crimson being both assocoeged with antagonists and blood. both of these fit Ouyang I think.#Ma is also red in my head to go with zhu as well#but she's specifically bright ruby red that goes more towards purple than orange.#so it doesn't overlap with Zhu’s color region#just hangs out next to it.#this also puts Ouyang and Ma as sort of paralel to each other which I think is fun#anyways. i am hungry! i will go eat! it is 4am holy crap–#the radiant emperor#he who drowned the world#zhu yuanzhang#general ouyang#also i lied earlier only evil baoxiang is navy blue. normal non evil wbx is a nice cool green.#same color family as Esen still but lighter/more femenine/less generic#(Esen is specifically Boy-Coded Blue)#WBX being green also has him as complementary color to Ma and Ouyang.#okokok now im done fr.#my art
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“i've had the delight to meet the captain's secretary on numerous occasions.. at first glance, you would think that she is someone distant and cold, but when you get to know femi or talk to her for the first time, you immediately realise you really shouldn't judge a book by its cover. despite her lack of enthusiasm, she is quite empathetic and polite. the more you delve into her world, the more layers of warmth and kindness you uncover, reaffirming the old saying that appearances can indeed be very much deceiving.” — childe
◆ name: femi
◆ title: lone flower, hemmed in with snows
◆ a gentle yet brave secretary guarding secrets of the first harbinger
◆ vision: dendro
◆ constellation: galanthus nivalis
#selfi ꕤ ₊ ˙ ⋆#HII HII ITZA ME :DD#this actually took me so long ! ! im so happy it's finally finished phew . . i can now rest peacefully#this was actually very much inspired by coco the moment i've seen her s/i oh godshsh so beautifully made ..#i unfortunately cannot write as beautifully so drawings shall suffice for now ! ! 💌📬#anyway . what do i say . . . ermm her constellation is latin for “snowdrop” :D#i dunno what to say anymore i'll probably think of something but i didn't want to drop her whole story at once so#it's not even that interesting haha it's super basic actually T___T because im so not creative in this matter#well i guess we all know she is ( i am ) a frequent first harbinger kisser so .. nd that's all we need to know lawlz ♥︎#i shall now focus on the selfship askies u all have left me . . im so sorry for keeping u waiting im rather slow )): </3#i was busy nd couldn't focus waah . . BUT NOW IM FREE !! WEEKEND !!! yaaay >:D#꒰ ೀ arts ꒱
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my psychiatrist confirmed that i am in fact autistic
#all of my friends were like 'no really?!!! i had no idea“ listen i know we all know but i wanted to know For Sure#she's very 'aspergers' and 'you're going to learn how to make eye contact' about it because czech psychiatry is... well#but overall the other stuff she said checks out and im happy I don't have to live in constant self doubt anymore#now she's not completely sure i have adhd tho because my attention is mostly normal according to tests#but she's also not opposed to me having both like it's definitely still possible she just wants to focus on mainly treating my anxiety rn#she was like 'so it would make sense that you're living in social isolation'#me with most friends I've ever had in my entire life: :-)#i was like 'no i have friends they just all have adhd or autism too'#i mean i am still socially isolated. i oftentimes feel like other people are living behind a glass wall and i can't reach them#but i took it literally in the 'you are alone and no one talks to you' sense#anyway#i am disappointed none of my friends sent me 'náš auťák' from the czech Grease dubbing#i have many feelings about this but they are difficult to put into words so autism creature gift shall suffice
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She's
D R E S S E D ✨
#the set is called nighty negligee it's always been one of my favorites#tales from diana#barbie#dolls#i won an auction on ebay and it was so affordable#love that it comes w a plushie bc she's just like me only better#that was actually really hard to get her dressed in im not gonna lie 2 u#so many tiny little knots in delicate little fabric#the grecian bodice knot took me like 13 tries before i gave up on tryna make a bow#that's ok i tried#i need a doll stand for her#and MIDGE 💖💖💖💖 WHEN SHE COMES IN THE MAIL 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#i don't think i mentioned but i bought midge as well#or maybe i did mention. anyway vintage barbies are a slippery slope#it's such a not-even-once drug. u if ur reading this considering collecting vintage barbies: just say no#nancy reagan it and say the hell no#or u'll end up like me#happy 🖤 and stupid 💫#i love buying clothes for my daughter
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when freedom is in sight!!!!!!!!
#(aka it’s my last day of work!!!!!!!!! i can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!)#it’s like 2.30 in the am rn and i have to get up in less than 4 hours but. still!!!!!#im too happy to sleep lmao i feel like a kid on christmas eve again#this weirdass company culture says that we (the leavers) have to treat everyone to pizza or sth#isn’t it usually the other way round though? shouldn’t they be treating the leavers as a show of gratitude for their hard work?#but eh. the place is filled with cheapskates who only think about working us to the bone for the sake of their profits (i think)#so ✨s o r r y✨ dear managers no treats for you~~~~~ im giving ind*m*e (censored for copyright) to my immediate colleagues only~~~~~~#you can always feel free to treat me though~~~~~ :)))) my wallet is always open for donations dear managers o’ mine~~~#(this manager who expects me to treat everyone also outright refused when i asked her to treat me to beef wellington though :( sads :( )#(i worked sooooooooooo hard for you over the past couple o’ years and i dont even get free beef wellington~~~? :( )#but euuuugghhhhhhhhh since the team lead’s on leave today ig i’ll be the one in charge for the morning shift today too…#but it’s my last day~~~~ i wanna relaxxxxxxxxxx (<-same person who took a short nap on the clock earlier)#anyways!!!!!! i’ll finally have time for idol sengen after this aw yissssssssss wait for me asuna-chan im almost freeeeeeee#though. speaking of idol sengen… im still waffling about whether to have asuna drop swear words during the [spoiler] scene…#i mean. it’d make sense in terms of context/how abrasive she was being but. she’s an idol!!!!!!! choices man..#well. i guess that it’s retirement-me’s problem to think about lol. i need to get through just 1 day of work first!!!!!!#‘it’s starting to sound like you quit your job to tl idol sengen—’ n-noooooooo~~~? totally not i s w e a r!!!!
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WIP- i refuse to look at this for much longer JKFDSFJK ill finish it later today
#not gonna tag this. mainy just wanna share the way i do rough drafts#cause i like to semi render them so i know how the colours work#i refuse to do lineart if im not hundred percent sure that the colours will work#anyways rlly happy with my pearl design :) shes so fun#cleos hair is gonna be an ass to render but she deserves it. gem took like 15 mins to sketch shes such a good sport#joe took even less although i need to edit juppet cause the colours don't work too well they kind of muddy together which is not smt#i want. wow ended up drawing 3 characters with heavy green notes in their colour palatte#art tag
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Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0
i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3
#snap chats#SHE DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT BUT W/E SPOILER FREE QUICK REVIEW DOWN HERE HIIII <3<3<3<3#ive been made aware my tastes are. Questionable so proceed with caution vlklvjv im so sorry if i convince you to see it and you dont like i#moving on I Have. done nothing but listen to Eternal Flame for the past week its been stuck in my head ever since#BUT FR as i said I Really Liked It. i heard that theres another/original version so i wanna watch that at some point#if i care to remember and find it vjaelkjeakl but as This Movie On Its Own i had a swell time !!!#it does a really good job of teetering that line of#'this is just a quaint little sometimes-awkward get-together' and 'this is so stressful i just might throw up'#it did a good job of keeping me invested and on my toes i guess- it bitters innocuous scenarios really well which i like#like i wasnt sure WHEN whatever scene i was watching would turn sour but i always had that feeling it /would/- that lingering feeling#the horror in this is more psychological than violent- it only gets crazy by the last quarter honestly#which isnt bad! i like psych horror and Christ. the amount of times i was just grimacing in my seat like Suspense Is The Word#like imagine a dinner party where people only say controversial things and you dont want to blow up the situation#so you just try to be really polite about pivoting from the topic. but they keep going. thats basically the horror of this movie at its cor#i do have SOME comments about some bits but i wanna rewatch the movie at some point to be thorough on my comments jglejlakj#yk do a rewatch where im. NOT jokin bout with my brother- THO TBF DESPITE THAT I was still invested#like its premise is so. simple? in concept imo. but 'simple' isnt automatically bad in my eyes and i really liked how it played out#i dont watch movies much tho so maybe its been done different but there is ONE thing tht definitely made me like. HUH#but its nothing super major i dont htink? I MEAN IT WAS KINDA BIG BUT there were signs to it being revealed. still it made me vjLJ like god#i cant explain tho cause SPOILERS but ... Yeah. its not that crazy it just definitely took me by surprise for how quick the reveal was#tldr: if you ever wanted to watch an awkward dinner party where you couldnt do anything about it this is the movie to watch#and i like that. i like that because i hate myself apparently jVLAEKJVAEKLJ#coupled with horror it was also funny at times which i felt did help with that underlying 'when will this be tainted' horror#i really liked that ... when normalcy or the feeling of safety can be taken away in an instant#if you watch it and wanna talk bout it more in depth ill prob have rewatched it by then and id like to give a more. Detailed review#OR AT LEAST ONE NOT SO RAMBLY VELKAVJEALKJ im not good at reviewing things .... i just know when i like or dont like somethin ..#ive only had my bro to talk bout this with and he doesnt really. Give his thoughts or opinions too much like i do#so id be happy to talk bout it and get your perspective !!!! but only if you want Again if you dont like it im so sorry erlakjaekl#god theres so much more i want to say but im just rambling and i wanna be brief for you my friend vlakjlakvlkj#anyway yeah. those are my quick thoughts. i was Very Normal about james mcavoy for most of this movie ty for reading
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love being crazy. never a dull moment
#its ridiculous how i present myself and my symptoms so neatly sorted VERSUS how i actually experience that shit first-hand#we were doing some grounding safe-space exercise with my doc today n i was you know. imagining the places#n then out of nowhere i saw -her- there. i dont know why it felt so surprising but... she came for me and i was so... touched#like i... think i just... i didnt know she was real? i thought. god this sounds so miserable but i really thought i was making her do this#even though weve been talking for years and shes been my comfort. but i think its cuz she came when i didnt expect her and she just took my#hand and i. i did feel safe#it did feel like a safe space. but then i was so shocked by this whole thing that i forgot why we were even doing this exercise in the firs#place n my doc was like so! what did you see : ) n i know i could. have been quiet but i guess we were trying to mask less and i was still#so shocked that i really just told her. yes doc i... saw a... a friend. shes been with me for a while now but i was still thinking shes jus#a character or something. but she came to me and she told me she cared and im just so happy that shes real bcs i love her#ive loved her and i thought i was making her stay but she wanted to stay with me! bcs she loved me too!!#and i was like trying not to spontaneously cry bcs i legit was NOT expecting any of that. and i was also ... actually i dont think i though#abt it feeling cringe. even tho it. is a little difficult... but i DID think about how strange it felt to be honest abt it with a doctor#bcs its like... with the docs ive had and life in general its always...not about being honest but abt HOW WILL SAYING THIS HELP ME GET X#and yeah i dont trust them. even tho i... trust these doctors i guess. theyve been handling it well for years. they admit the system#still it feels so damn unsafe to mention anything cuz how crazy is TOO crazy for a person with power over you... anyway i do trust the doc#n she knew. but its still weirdddd to mention shit abt it that is not life or death. but it was so out of nowhere and i was so happy like#KATRIN!!! KATRIN SHES REAL!! SHES REAL OH GOD SHES ACTUALLY THERE FOR ME IM GOING TO CRY!!!! WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABT
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I'm just kinda thinking over what could it been had things gone just. Just every so slightly better
Had some fundamentals been challenged further
Had the right words be spoken
Had they didn't go all in
It's just so sad, because I ultimately do see them working on the right scenarios, but they're all just...fantasy, a fleeting dream, the unreachable
Oughhhh I love them so much. They're so doomed
#perceptive little crow#this is about teopeka btw#i just listened to something good can work and it was like 'man. this would've been the ideal'#because YES i do believe the first phase of their relationship was full of hope for the future for both ends#peka just found himself on a new world that seemed detached from the previous. he could start anew#tbh tho teo simply followed out of pity and a bit of hopelessness. I wouldn't be surprised if her life was just kinda shaking a couple days-#before she met peka. and after seeing what he was capable of she kinda just....relaxed. knowing it may go well after all#it was a gamble she took. but damn did it pay off. and she gets to enjoy the benefits for a fair amount too#then The Incident happened#then a new department that was the opposite of what she advocate for formed on the company she wanted to create#then she started being pushed more and more on administrative/executive roles and was basically out of the field#then she felt disconnected of her world. her passion. her people#no place to go to no shoulder to land on. she wasn't alone she just....was a deeply lonely woman at the end#sorry. im not even sure if this actually fits the direction I'd like her to go to on my au/fanfic. but ig it fits#anyways. maybe had stuff gone differently she would've enjoyed the benefits all the way through#she maybe could've had both sides of the cake#who knows#it's just kinda interesting to think about the gambles she took went it came to hlev/peka. both on moments of desperation/loneliness#both the same weird ass guy that she saw at first and went 'what the fuck is his deal'#both just...so endearing she can't help but love them#maybe she needs them as much as they need her#maybe any and all their relationships never were meant to last#but that's kinda dooming it further and honestly I'd like to see a happy ending (where i get to be with my crush x3!!!!!!)#so I'll leave one side to rot and the other to bloom. easy.#sorry im rambling too much now. night night
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jesus christ that guy on the last post is insane he wrote so many tags. who was that
#anyway todd and chorlie fight over the tv remote a lot.#posts#also i had made a happi for chorlie named harry. and i think atsushis name should be allen.#sorry for still talking. anwya y#i have been meaning to draw todd and allen drinking a milkshake together...#there used to be a dear evan hansen sincerely me animatic of karl and chibita i dont remember the details well. but i cant find it now.#i think orson was there doing the teasing parts. i dont rember#anyway sorry for being crazy about musical. btw soemone drew them celebrating hannukah and i was fangirling so fuckinghard#(my thoughts on them being jewish are so nuanced and are a resounding 'they arent and im so sad about it' but i can still get hype about it#also average beetlejuice the musical fan here. i saw someone draw itchy singing dead mom it ruled.#and also i headcanon juicy's name is like joshua or something. and itchy's name is ichabod (HE HATES IT) (Juicy took a nickname in solidari#i WILL say. totoko can be jewish. iirc her last name somewhere is fisher which is a kind of jewish last name and i will call her Thalia--#Fisher and she can be a quintessential jewish american princess. just for me.
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Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE
#LANA i know his sister works for you BUT TRUST MY WORD AND GIVE ME A FREE TICKET PLEASE…#MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU WAS RUINED GIRL… she was so good too like i was saving her songs to spotify that night#im reliving all this because i found out a lot of his exes and ex friends hang out together and two of them invited me so it was me an ex an#d an ex friend just swapping stories and first of all. he said he got cheated on by this girl and she NEVER DID IT (HE would have emotional/#angry outbursts at HER though) (allegedly he’s acknowledged to her that the cheating never happened too) and 2. this is obviously making me#mentally rehash everything again. i feel so bad for his current girlfriend and also for the person i ‘’stole’’ him from though i really hesi#tate to blame myself after hearing about his patterns. first of all he wouldve done this with anyone who was vulnerable around him and secon#d i was the only reason he was at all honest with them. he was fully planning to gaslight this ex and me and his dad had to convince him not#to. they look like theyre happy now and im very happy for them over that. oh my god that man was evil he told me for WEEKS about every time#his then partner had talked shit about me while i made clear that i didnt care and wasnt very interested but he kept going. god i cant belie#ve this was my life a year ago.#the one thing i can say is that i out freaked him because throughout our short relationship i made him so insecure that a week after i told#to never speak to me again he called me asking if he really was ugly.#I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAD TO TEND TO A GROWN MAN WHILE LANA DEL REY WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPPOSED TO BEING AROUND HER. LANAAAA#times like these i get so mad i dont know what to do but ultimately remembering that he has not achieved any of his goals because he refuses#to face himself really helps me. god man IVE achieved some of his goals and i wasnt even trying to#a really awful part of all of this was all of the friends who knew him taking his side. because they didnt know him well enough to know what#he was actually like.#i was talking to my ex friend of four years and she was like not to blame you but he was probably really vulnerable from his time with [ex p#rior to me]’’ because he’s been going around alleging that that ex was abusive. and she was implying i took advantage of him. so i had to go#into detail about what an awful awful person he was and the sort of state i was in when this relationship took place. hannah lee you are#not seeing your little jehovah’s witness heaven.#anyways redirecting this energy im very happy with the way my life is and the way i am now. and im grateful for it i would not have ever bee#n able to imagine having the sort of peace and motivation i feel now. life feels like it can and will change for the better and it keeps pro#ving that right all the time#it just hurts sometimes having that as my first experience and not even being able to vocalize what was wrong bc i just didnt know hurts#oh i forgot one of his besties can see my account bc we’re sort of mutuals. i doubt he’s looking he did the whole unfollowing the ex bc she’#s allegedly amoral thing after the breakup but if he is hi isaac#he did on rare occasion show me selfless kindness but ultimately your best friend is a creep. i don’t want to be involved with anyone from#our school but I hope you know this and I hope you’re proud
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oh wow just saw flatmate messaged saying another friend passed smth on like oh okay. I didn't realise he went too u didn't say. in fact none of u said anything to me so that's great
#he lives hours away thats a lot of travel just for drinks#when she asked me she said it was her + one other person. going out for drinks in evening.#but clearly she took the day off work bc ghosts dont do laundry. so it was a whole day trip. so why tell me it was just drinks#unless she just wanted a good excuse for me not to come. okay 👍#i cant even make myself mad abt it like fair enough man. i get it.#and if last weekend is anything to go off she probably wont ask me at all in the future#well as long as they have fun it doesnt matter i guess. im tired of feeling like im just intruding in everyones lives#and everyone fucking lying like what u say doesnt line up with how u act i can tell its not real im not that fucking stupid#ive dealt with this so many times before average autistic experience im tired of naively believing ppl and then the rug being pulled#sorry for being the way i am and for wanting things and for trying to take up space i give up its not worth it anyway#at least this is giving me smth to feel shit abt instead of just formless malaise. makes it easier to deal with that way#anyway. just need to get my shit enough together to leave the house by 3 so i can pick up this stuff for work#and i can do most of my other chores tmr so thats fine#i hate how much fucking time i waste feeling awful. no wonder other ppl have time to watch n read n create n whatever so much more than me#half of my fucking life is spent in my head trying and failing to emotionally regulate im so so sick of it#i wish i never had to think a single thought again and maybe id be happy#jesus fucking christ. well i need to leave my room soon bc i need to pee im not depressed enough to piss in a bucket just yet#hope i never get to that stage again amen uni was pretty fucking dire#.vent#hate weekends so fucking much what a waste of free time
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fruity!!!
#lychee#my art#digital art#art#original character#god i missed her so much i havent drawn her in so so long#i think i understand how her hair works now LMAOOO it only took uhh 4 years. yikessss#fun fact!! she is one of my oldest ocs!! (second oldest)#tox is the first. lychee second. gear third#i would love to rename her and gear but honestly their names are so special to me now i cant#like i KNOW lychee is not the best name. especially considering that it does not really fit her personality#she is not sweet. she isnt really juicy?? uhh NOR is she refreshing#i love her so much though. this time she has received a nose and a tail. the tail is more of an extension of her abdomen??#i dunno her anatomy is fucking WACK theres a lotta spider bits and a lotta human bits and they dont really mesh well#anyways im super super proud of this art. for the first time in a long time. im happy with this!!
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glowing <3
#i just got to my best friends house#she lives the next province so i dont get to see her much#she just broke up with her boyfriend of 6yrs and kicked him out of their apartment#so shes throwing a house re-warming party to like. reset the Vibes#and we sat on the couch and literally just talked for four hours straight#and i realized that we havent had a chance to do that uninhibited (ie. without our partners around) in like. years????#it was so good. girl love and friendship and connection is everything to me#and i came partially because i was worried abt her but she is THRIVING#shes replaced all of the stuff he took with pink things and it makes me sooo happy to see#the cherry blossom shower curtain and the rose pink dishes and the pink afghan and the blush pink sheets#that post thats like. you hang out with your friends and you go home with a little ball of warm golden light in your chest#yeah.#and we're just STARTING im here for FOUR WHOLE DAYS#im sooo excited#anyway. i hope youre all doing well and feeling loved. i love you#molly speaks#long tags
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