#anyway she emailed me again
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Mad at my professor again lmao
#not snz#literally wanna beat the shit out of her#i could be so violent if even an ounce of my being was confrontational lmao#anyway she emailed me again#like girl fucking stop it first of all#like we have nothing to say to each other#and it wasn't even about the program per se#like it was just her saying shit like i have too much potential to waste in ems#we've had this conversation several times it never fucking goes anywhere#she says I'm 'too smart' to be an emt or a firefighter#that i should go to medical school instead of trying to go any further with fire and ems#like I'm sorry you don't even fucking know me#the only reason i was any good at emt school is bc i trained for that for a decade#it would've been so fucking pathetic to have done bad when i went in with 90% of the material down cold#like i genuinely am not smart#i know a little bit about specific things and that's it#nothing that actually matters or makes for someone smart enough to go to fucking medical school#like I'm a terrible student lmao i like so few things and I'm decent at even less#I'd be shitty at being a firefighter if i had to use my brain constantly for absolutely everything#i can do most of that work on autopilot#like this bitch is really acting like she knows me and that she's being so helpful trying to push me away from my career path#like miss girl you are doing me zero favors and i have no backup plan other than this so if it doesn't work out I'm screwed lmao#my mental health already sucks like she's really out here trying to kill me faster lmao#anyway#i can be normal now#I'm going hiking tomorrow and we're planning at least ten miles so that'll fix me
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the lack of fandom insanity about aloy hzd is crazy to me.....she was literally born of immaculate conception to be the saviour of a world that doesnt want her. she was the loneliest girl in the world the first and last of her kind. while gay
#she is everything to me!!!!!!!!#went back to my hzd replay and in my feelings currently#also started on burning shores finally and while its good. for reasons known. opening hfw again does remind me#how i feel that it did not do justice to the themes of hzd#manyyyy thoughts on that#one major thing is that the zeniths even existing takes away the fact that up to that point there was absolutely nobody left#from the old world. just recording and emails and broken holograms#not even gaia (!!)#(yes it is very important to me that the gaia in hfw is just a backup copy she is the same program per se but NOT the same gaia#that chose to give life to aloy. out of her love and trust in elisabet. it was actually very impactful imo how that gaia was destroyed#before she could ever speak to aloy. she could nly leave her a message. addressing her as elisabet iirc#which ended on 'i only wish i could hear your voice again' DEAR GOD#anyways the fact that the hfw gaia is NOT the same one. and thats never addressed or anything#just encapsulates the emotional hollowness of hfw compared to hzd#hzd just had this massive all encompasing theme of loneliness. that came together in all aspects of the game#hfw was such a paradigm shift from that it should have been more meaningful#but they got lost in the sauce and ended up with kind of a nothingburger in comparison#hzd was a story hfw was just a game. THERE!!#wow this turned into kind of a rant anyways. aloy girl of all time!!!!#hzd#hfw#aloy
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Wish the party loyalist "stop making Harris look bad bc Trump" people would realize that a) denying reality is exactly what the right does and b) it is on the candidate to win votes by not being a genocide enabling sellout moderate getting endorsed by the fucking Cheneys for her hawkishness on foreign policy while promising little for people at home, not on the voter disillusioned by said issues that the candidate could rectify
#i say i'm done but seeing another one of those posts will make me roll my eyes hard again#this has been going on since 2016 and it's wild how much narrower the overton window has gotten to push these neoliberals#trump is shit but his being shit does not absolve blue team of the shit and blood on their hands#people really need to demand more for their votes#when they lose GA and NC bc of reneging on those $2K checks or saying no to giving Helene victims more aid#[and likely FL too if they follow suit with Milton swinginess aside]#the same people will likely rage at the people left to their rubble for not voting harder#like i'm sure they have at the muslims so rightly outraged at our support for the 🇵🇸 genocide that they refuse to vote for either party#meanwhile i get an email from work saying we have more payroll deductions this next year for our healthcare plans and there's been no talk#of M4A or even some mealy-mouthed means-tested version of it to win votes#and ofc there's student loans starting back up and their burning even more youth votes they were already losing with Gaza#let alone record homelessness... a housing crisis... lead/chemical poisonings... and so on#'we can push her left' they say knowing she takes money from people opposed to her going left on any policies--#and that they're going to brunch anyway#'fascism 2 is coming' *points at Dem-admin/Dem-mayor cop cities* *points at IG accounts being censored bc of being pro-Palestine* been here#anyway pre bed vent over 😴
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#doing reading for one of *those* classes again#and tbh somehow this book is easier when it's late and i've had a drink 🙈#maybe because i don't focus as much and am less bothered when she says the same thing three times slightly different#but anyway next week may be our last class on this book and. i have *so* many questions and i *am* going to try asking them#and there is a greater than zero chance he'll ask me to just come to his office hours to discuss it#and honestly? that's lowkey the best case scenario because then i get to sit with him in his office <3#anyway#my stupid little crush#to delete later#this book however is a nightmare and it's a good thing the author is dead#because otherwise i'd be tempted to write her a very long email about wtf is she going on about here and does she know what a citation is
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#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages#me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my#pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones#idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when#everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that#and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for#this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100%#myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too#and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for#networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and#then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first?#which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else#anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me#i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so)#oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like#alright that's it for now i think#gah emotions and whatnot#missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon#personal
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#remind me to never ask my mother for opinions on absolutely anything ever again#i only wanted to see which illustration should go on my portfolio for kidlit art#and her wonderful opinion was to take out an illustration of two dudes EATING TOGETHER because and i quote#"gay relationships are not suitable for children books. it simply isn't their target audience''#does she need the list of the thousand of books that are literally about gay couples or about gay kids?!#they're not even like overtly gay they are literally eating together!!! (sure it is actually gay cause it's fanart of a bl but whatever lol#it's literally two guys sitting at the same table eating...#how is that not appropriate for children?!#also even if they were gettin married or whatever... how's that inappropiate?!#ALSO also i'm sick of reading in every illustration agency how they're looking for artists and writers and whatever who tackle queer storie#like sure i'm not gonna say gay people don't experience discrimination but it's not the fucking 50s... there are opportunities out there#idk i'm just so fuckin upset right now because she's saying I'M the one that's taking it bad#like the whole ''i'm not homophobic but.... blah blah''#and it drives me up the fucking walls to have to deal with this when the only thing i wanted was to have a char about which drawing looks#the best for a professional portfolio lol#anyways now out of fucking spite i'm gonna send all the gay ones i have lol#dkfjhkdfg#angel talks#personal#wish me luck on this email btw i need work!#dfkjghdfg
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The way I wanna be Soooo fucking mean to this bitch but for Job Searching I have to be Professional and Niceys
#quit stringing me alongggggggh#I contacted a temp jobs kind of place back in September. we talked. and she told me they'd have jobs in a few weeks#October passes so I email her professionally asking her what's the deal#she's on medical leave! ooooook. would've been nice if you notified but whatever#so she gives me the name and contact for the senior recruiter. I contact that person. nothing still#mind you I've tried calling this place multiple times. nothing#and I know this isn't some scam place but fuck do they NEED to work on their Not-In-Person communication#anyways. she emails me again saying she's off medical leave and what's a good time to call#I tell her 11:30 today. a few days ago. and I'm still sitting here.#I swear to god#if I wasn't desperate to get out of retail I'd tell her to suck shit
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............ i want to come out.
#its so hard but also im so tired of this ya know???#my parents will be back in may#and..... idk. theyll only be here for a month before theyre on the road again for another god knows how long#it was like 10 months this time that theyll have been gone#and i just....... i want to tell them#maybe this is a result of me reading heattstopper lmao#i got to the part about charlie telling his parents about his ed again and just started tearing up#but also I've BEEN wanting to come out i just think i might actually be to the point where i just. do it.#I'm still half tempted to just send the email i wrote lol#i may print it and hand it to my mom just cus i can never actually say things out loud#but also i need to talk to my sister first cus i think I'll need that back up#sigh#idk. i want to so bad. i want to try.#im so. ugh.#its like a block in my chest and i hate it#my sisters partner sent me a photo earlier of some item in bg3 bc it has my legal name#and i kniw she was sending it as a funny joke thing but just... yeah.#anyway#im just ranting as per usual lol#fuck#shh ac
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We live in a world where the bare minimum is too much to ask. Always be thankful to those who still value kindness.
#Personal Ramblings#yesterday I had an *piercing emergency * and my favorite shop never picked up the phone or answered back my email#went to the place and turns out they’re under refurb which cool whatever but at least leave a notice??#anyways went to another shop they couldn’t help so they sent me to the loveliest person I have come across in a while and she helped me#sometimes bad luck leads you to great people#and it gives you a little hope again
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oh finally got in trouble for something at work <3
#I called my coordinator on Monday like ‘yo im really behind on this’#and she went ‘no worries’#and then emailed to me and went ‘oh I didn’t realize you meant ACTUALLY behind. don’t do this again.’#like THERE we go. that was the reaction i was expecting.#anyways they should fire me over this so I don’t have to work here anymore ☺️
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told my therapist i'd text my mother and tell her not to come by (she asked/said she would cocme visit me THIS WEEKEND, i had a panic attack about it, we've all been there. probably)
but im so bloody tired of having to deal with this kinda stuff, therapy was exhausting, sitting with my emotions and not going insane was exhausting, and i'm also just. sleep-tired. proper tired. it's past midnight and i just want some warm tea and to go to bed soon
#alex yells at the void#i can text her tomorrow it's fine#anna (my therapist) is once again quite concerned about me#i did get pretty lost in my head towards the end#she was once again like i'm here for the next few days i check my emails every day blah blah im here if you need anything#as if i would ever ask for help like bloody hell i cant even out loud say that i dont want my mother to be around me for the foreseeable#future or whatever im just#it's in my head and im trying to say the things i need to say but it's like running into a cement wall head first#and the more i try and push the harder it gets#anyway. im terrified my therapist is gonna get frustrated with me#even though i know she's like the nicest person ever#but what can you do#anyway#tea fanfic bed
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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goodnight my sweet lil baby 🥰
#seeing my fav band again tomorrow !!!! and reuniting with my friends 🥹#anyways let me walk y’all through my evening#got a message from Franni (the lead singer) on ig asking for my friend’s favorite cake flavor#because his 50th show is on Sunday so they’re gonna get him a cake#so I came up with a plan to get it out of him at the Q&A tomorrow LMAO hopefully it works#and then one of the backup singers messaged me and told me how good my pics looked and that the other backup singer (a new guy—I think just#for this run of shows?? but I’m not sure)#anyways she said he wanted any pics I had of him so I messaged him and he gave me his email#and he was like you’re awesome thank you so much#and I was like oh no problem at all I love when people like the pics I take of them#and he said “your talent is amazing“ 😭🩷😭🩷😭#this week has me feeling like my photography is finally going somewhere after all these years and I am just so happy#I can’t wait for tomorrow
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i love my professor who is a medievalist and thus speaks how one might expect a medievalist would. we should all throw a Most Excellent in our emails more often.
#he's very helpful and invested in my personal wellbeing lol#as in he wrote the recommendation letter for my exchange semester and also for this application i'm doing now n wants to know updates on it#and he's never annoyed or short with me when i email him back asking for help w anything#versus other professor i asked for a recommendation letter who im sorry. kind of really sucks#i feel like im one mistake away from her freaking out on me at all times#i told her i need a physical recommendation letter redone as well as a digital version#but she only sent me the digital version so far in past few weeks so#i fear ill have to email her again and ask again. but like i Told her so it's not like it's my fault. she just did not see it or forgot#again not my fault#but yea she's the kind of person who if you ask two questions in an email she will only answer one of them#also gave no effort into my rec letter. she had it done 20 minutes after i emailed her about it and she spelled the word 'there' wrong#reminder that she's an english professor#anyways...
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About Judgment: In short, I think RGGS was intending to continue the series. There were indeed rumors at one point that the series would end at Lost Judgment due to a disagreement with Kimura's agency, Johnny & Associates, about porting the games to PC--I'm unclear on why, there was speculation but I don't think it was ever stated. Obviously the PC ports are out now, so either that wasn't the issue or they moved past it. There's also just general disbelief around there being a third entry simply because there's this idea (joke?) that Kimura never does three of anything, which isn't true at this point. It is true RGGS historically hasn't done three of anything in terms of spinoff series (Kurohyou, Mobile+Kizuna, and arguably Kenzan+Ishin), but it's also true that none of their past spinoffs have been as successful as Judgment, and we're seeing a lot of "firsts" from the studio lately. The fact is that Yokoyama himself said something along the lines of "and of course, we won't forget about Judgment" (not literally, just the closest English expression I can think of that can be misinterpreted in the way I'm about to explain) while talking about future works. But for some reason, people took it as if he meant it "in mourning" rather than an obvious confirmation of more to come, I guess? A TV show was also announced, so I really don't get why they'd invest so much into a series they were going to end. I know Kurohyou got a show too, but this seems different. Anyway, that's the most recent information, but it's from some years ago. There is a major new development, however: J&A talents' contracts are being cancelled left and right as of the last couple of months due to the agency's dogshit handling of and response to an investigation into Johnny Kitagawa's serial abuse of allegedly hundreds of his talents. That's been going on since the man died in 2019, basically, but a lot's happened this year.
This has left the talents with the incredibly tough decision of either remaining at an agency that refuses to even change its name and is rapidly breaking down or leaving. It has historically been very difficult to do the latter. On top of what you'd expect, J&A controls their talents to an insane degree and has leveraged their control of the media to suppress the careers of those who leave.
Broadly, in terms of how media companies have responded so far, I understand not wanting to associate with J&A and that J&A would likely benefit from the contracts more than the talents, but it still feels like the talents are the ones being punished... I have to imagine at least some of them were victims, so to be victims of the blacklist on top of that... That, and some of these companies kept the truth from coming out for decades.
With J&A losing its foothold in the media, though, there may be no better time than now to leave the agency. I don't know if Kimura will--rumors have been circulating ever since his idol group were forced to break up years and years ago, but while they all went independent, he never has--especially because a lot of seniors like him feel a responsibility to stay and change the agency for the better. As of right now, I'm not aware of Kimura's contracts getting cancelled, so I can't say one way or another if that'd have an effect.
I don't know what happens from here. I'm not sure if RGGS will look at it as collaborating with J&A or with Kimura or both, and how they'll factor in what's going on right now into working with him. Hypothetically, it would be possible to continue the series even without Kimura (any of the other mains do or would make great protagonists), but at the same time, Judgment is hugely reliant on Kimura's charisma. That's why people who play the dub (or people who don't like Kimura) often come away with the impression Yagami's kind of a dick or doesn't stand out much.
So... that's the state of Judgment right now. We won't know until we know, I guess.
OHHHHH OK saucy... sucks about J&A- it'd be cool if yk. they could face the consequences of their actions LMAO but that Could involve displacing hella workers now wouldnt it
#snap chats#well i hope something neat is done with judgement. again i have barely touched it but it does seem like a rad series..#rgg#anyway... unrelated tag ramble time... i feel so ugly LMAO i just havent eaten yet. im makin rice now tho#Insane we had a roommate meeting x days ago and one of the agreed upon things was that we could use each others appliances#and one of my roommates brought a rice cooker but obvi i wanted to ask first but she said no so. gotta use a pot. of which ive never done#it shouldnt be hard tho... lol.. s'just rice..#im technically supposed to be at class rn but im dropping it this week so id feel weird going to a three-hour class im not coming back to#heres to hoping my fuckin emails are answered or ill actually have to be an adult and do it myself LMAO#honestly i will later tonight if my email aint answered i hate waiting on stuff like this#after i Hopefully eat some fried rice balls i might doodle or i might practice some Y7 chapters#im still mad LMAO but im gonna make a ramble post in a sec bout that#ty for sharin the gossip with me thats wild.... agencies annoying as hell And Criminal Sometimes i SWEARR
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