#anyway peace and love and back problems
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I just woke up + opened Tumblr. Old man Zack jumpscare 😨
i needed an hour or so but im into it now. ill embrace it.
#its actually so funny awesome if you think about it#bit more open about being a freak but hes still wild#Also all of you stop comparing him to a predator???#I'm not enjoying that at all.#just because hes a 40+ freak with a bad mustache doesnt mean he's a creep#anyway peace and love and back problems#i think he would have back issues bc he judt never stops slouching
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so it seems some of the ,, bad parts of the developing fandom are due to the fact some people seem to think touchstarved is an otome game. like not otome-adjacent which the creators definitely meant (they mention enjoyers of otome games may enjoy this one in the trailer description, but that's it), but these people are upset about the gayness and the pronouns and the fact it's more of a self-insert because they are judging it by otome standards. comments on an otome reddit thread complain that the cgs won't feature the mc due to their faceless nature. i was confused by this since i'm a huge fan of the arcana, a game where we NEVER see the mc, not even their hands. then i recalled other otome games where the love interests are kissing and holding a skinny pretty girl and i was like oh.
#scratches back of head#y'all are mad about that? 😬#you dont want ais loving on vere but you want him loving on a skinny girl that definitely looks nothing like you? 😬#umm 😬#psychological problems and insecurities idk ........ talk to someone abt that maybe#peace and love#touchstarved game#IT'S NOT AN OTOME !!!!!!!!!!!#if you dont like it then HUSH!!!!;#ZIP YOUR LIPS!!!!!! IT'S NOT FOR YOU;!!!!#it's that simple#anyway#( A SPARROW SINGS ) * my posts!
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DAY 10: EMPATHY - Lost little pearls of light. Tiny fires in the dark.
YAY YIPPEE a collab piece with @euclydya!! it drew the LOVELY linework and i finished the colors/shading!! wah im incredibly happy i got to do an art collab with y'all, thank you so much my beloveds :D!! <333 <222
without overlay!!
#disco elysium#empathy#de empathy#disco elysium skills#skilltober#skilltober 2024#de skills#voliart#im still going back for the INTs but im posting this one on the actual day because its IMPORTANT!!#everyone look at how Euclydia posed him isnt he so pretty?? i love the hand over his chest he's so peaceful <33#esprit: Euclydia#empathy has the transparent crown because he was the signature skill in my run!! but my headcanon harry's signature skill is volition :3#so voli will have the actual skill signature crown but empathy is my personal choice <33#surprisingly this has nothing to do with the two transparent skill points. that's a whole separate thing that's spoilers for Swept Up hjkjg#a lot of quotes i wanted to use were not empathy quotes so i couldnt use em!! ''I'm glad to be me -- an incredibly sensitive instrument.''#'''A blue forget-me-not; a piece of the grey sky'. Unofficial: 'For a moment there was hope'.'' <- i do not condone moralism hgkjg#hgkgj i hate that my fave's a centralist man but i GET IT. he empathizes with every ideology so he just won't choose. like not pulling the#lever in the trolley problem. too scared to hurt anyone so not taking sides. guy who cares too much! if i make a decision someone gets hurt#best to leave it to a committee of people so no one's at fault! :) <- NO!!! EMPATHY!! THOSE PEOPLE WILL GET HURT ANYWAY!!! DO SOMETHING!#augh out of tag space but this GUY. I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM MAN. kisses his forehead. please have opinions my darling hgkjg
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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your room was square
i once noticed from there
in your bed, as you slept
and i held my breath
everything had its own place
and i wondered what space would i take
in the order you kept
#in this drawing i wanted to use the song ‘Square’ by Mitski#personally i feel like this song is about being in love and trying far too hard to be the perfect lover that you are incapable of being#to me it’s like trying to see where you fit in that person’s life and not knowing where you belong in it#but then you’re still longing for that feeling of belonging there with them#so you self-destructively go to great lengths to ‘earn’ your place with them#i feel that the self-destructive behavior of trying to be that perfect lover just to ‘earn’ their love#is exactly the ‘burning’ that Mitski describes#it hurts trying to fit in but not quite succeeding again and again and again...#this is something that i think i relate to#trying far too hard to belong with someone who is 'only sometimes madly in love with me'#and says that i 'wouldn't be their first choice'#-that person kept switching between wanting me as a friend and a lover and now i am neither#and yet therein lies the problem: if i cared less and gave less effort#perhaps we could’ve worked things out without me trying too hard to “earn” their love#but why would i ever try to care less?#the situation was doomed from the start and i lost a friend in the process#i made this illustration to reflect that the best i could. I think the square motif was particularly obvious—#the canvas itself is a square and the illustration itself has to fit in a square box#everything else i drew would have to fit within this box to maintain the “order”#the colors are all some type of blue with not too much contrast except for the text eyes and teardrop on the figure#i wanted to keep contrast low within this illustration— everything should be “fitting in" after all#for the figure itself i wanted it to be clear that the figure is being forced into that square#its body’s being forced into that half of the box and even then its head is forced downwards#it’s clearly not fitting comfortably but it’s sure trying its hardest to#also also also!!! i wanted to do more angular shapes with this drawing because square and whatever lol :P#i don’t think i was particularly obvious in communicating that in the drawing though#but anyways i just wanted to draw to help process something that happened to me a while back :0#i still think i love that person but just like how i don’t have a place in their life#i don’t think they have a place in mine and i think i’m starting to make peace with that :D#jaevyart
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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could i, an eighteen year old with zero experience running a d&d podcast and a patreon for said podcast, do better than the council who've had several years of experience and amassed a fan base who so willingly offer (sometimes constructive) criticism on all that's not working? well i don't know, because i don't have the resources or time or energy for a project like that, but i do still understand that their current system isn't working
#solutions i can think of:#1 - hire a team. multiple editors; sensitivity readers; pr people; etc. doesn't have to be loads at first. you could get even six more guys#and i promise it would help significantly. also not all guys. i know i said guys but hire some women and pocs please#2 - create a schedule and unless there's a very good reason (family emergency; mental/physical health stuff; important event; etc) don't#break this schedule. the schedule is your bible now. read it and learn it and follow it to a t or else christian god will get real mad#and so will your several thousand fans#3 - own up to mistakes you've made. this is possibly the easiest of all of them. admit the hiatus wasn't planned well. admit you're not sure#when riptide will come back. admit you probably should've started following#1 & 2 a lot earlier. people will forgive i promise. we want to forgive. we love the content and the vibes. otherwise we all would've left#4 - get more guests on. and broaden this beyond white men please#5 - sort out your patreon tiers and ensure the non patron supporters who still love your content have enough to live off#i can't stand getting one episode every two weeks much longer. the scraps of first episodes and one shots aren't enough#and boom. 5 relatively straightforward solutions to the problem. i have no experience in this field. idk how much this would cost#but it's not like the jrwi podcast is struggling#anyway rant over peace out#jrwi#jrwi crit
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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#vent post uwu havent seen those in a while have we <33#looks like a depressive episode again#aw shucks#:/#laid in bed all day. did absolutely nothing. slept for 18 hours.#havent washed my hair since saturday. havent taken my thyroid meds in three days so idk that may have sth to do with this too ig#my flat is a total mess and im ignoring all uni groupchats (uni itself as well) and non-groupchats too.#only pretending im Normal to my best friend even tho she explicitly asked me to tell her when im feeling Bad and she does reach out to me#with her problems but i just cant bring myself to talk to her about mine#also i miss my ed so badly i need it back desperately. and i mean DESPERATELY.#anyway. something is seriously seriously wrong with me rn. like fr.#and i still haven't found the earring kms#had a bit of a ✨strongly suicidal✨ moment yesterday like it really made me go Wowwwwww girl hold yer horses cause yeah.#we havent seen that one in a while either#(no matter what my evil poll tags might have said lmao). anyway. absolutely horrible last two days.#and i once again feel like the worst and most useless and most disgusting person in the world.#my body is trash and there's nothing in this world that i hate more than it. i wish it would just. evaporate. whatever.#i hate it with a passion. peace and love.
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slightly disappointed - just slightly - that they didn't include fischl in the windblume event because she would fit the legend/fairytale category of the charade so much?!
#how did they not remember the person that actually lives in one?#logically it would make sense okay 😂#i hope we get to see the other mondstadt characters even for a second at the end#jean barbara fischl kaeya diona and diluc the excluded ones ✌️#like i don't care about timmaeus and his crush sorry give me characters i care about (mona was so real for interrupting him yes queen <3)#okay sorry timmaeus i hope you succeed in romancing her 😔#i think you're a great addition to the synthesis thingie when i need to make materials the game wouldn't be the same without you 😔#on another note!!! i love when genshin's events or quests are like therapy sessions like yes thanks for teaching us about anxiety and#struggles with self identity and how sharing our problems with others isn't a burden and how being vulnerable will allow us to create#meaningful connections and relate to others around us that only through connection and being able to see other people we are able to#fight the feeling of alienation we had in the first place and gain a new found confidence!!! like yes. trauma holds us back and can#influence the way we interact with others around us and follow us for so much time but we can also thrive regardless!!!!#genshin lore is so good but also the way this game helps us find peace regarding so many things we all struggle with is beautiful methinks#a lot of the struggles the characters face in the game are related to the fantasy world their inserted to sure but they're also still#incredibly relatable to the most common person if we strip down that fantasy layer#i think it's about being seen and understood feeling less lonely and also seeing others through less of a 1st person lense about finding#beauty and significante in diversity#but anyways rant over#i'm having fun with windblume and i love events like this where we just get to revisit characters and see them have a good time with each#other!!! it's so comforting plus mondstadt looks so pretty
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holding my roommates face do your fucking dishes please oh my god do your dishes there has been a cup of milk on your desk since LAST SUNDAY and you LEFT FOR BREAK without washing it OH MY GOD DO YOU WANT OUR ROOM TO SMELL LIKE ROTTING FOOD??????????????????????
#i love my roommate there is peace and joy in my heart#<affirmations#literally what the FUCK#she has left mac n cheese out for days#leaves leftovers out overnight and doesnt see a problem with it#i had to REMIND HER to throw away the WEEK OLD BURGER that i grabbed for her#that she never fucking ate#like#girl#how are you going to beg me to buy you carrots and then A never pay me back/offer to pay and B NOT EAT THE FUCKING CARROTS#ill just waste my money i guess ♥#anyway
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Round of applause for Alex, I’m going to bed before 1am 👏👏👏👏
#well after I put on my pyjama it will probably be 1am but that’s still great for me jcndjdnd#will I fell asleep before 4 am though ? still have to found out 🤪#please wish me luck im’ exhausted my body is in ruin#also please send someone to beat up my neighbours if they start playing their music before 11am#cause they are capable of doing so and you are all probably aware of how loud they fucking are I said it enough time 😭#i hate them so much#they probably gonna make me up at 11 like all day this week cause idk what they are doing but it’s like they are dropping a bowling ball#every 5 minute in the room above me I’m tired#you probably think i exaggerate but I’m not i never met anyone as loud as they are I can’t even believe it myself#my dad had enough and left a note on their door translated cause they woke up my mom at like 6-7am the same way to the point she yelled and#hit the ceiling which we never done cause we don’t want problems we want peace 😭#but if they still continue to be as loud it’s gonna be a call to the landlord cause the neighbour above them is also tired of the music#and if we call the landlord they will be force to move out cause it’s their 3rd warning since they moved here 😅#and they only moved her in like April ??? pretty sure the previous one moved in April idk but I miss him so much I want him back 💔#anyway Goodnight it’s gonna turn 1 am in 5 minutes love y’all 💓#well fast edit they are doing right what they are doing on the morning so I don’t think I’ll be sleeping for a while unless the fact#that I’m exhausted take control of my body 🤪#I jumped 3 times in 5 minutes 🤪#alex.txt
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hiii
#just found out f was at l’s concert and i laughed out loud#i wanna say thank you for those fans who call them out because they’re not angels and should take some responsibility#it’s 2023 and “just ignore stunts and focus on good things” doesn’t work anymore#im so happy they’re not my problem anymore#i miss old good fandom days and would be happy to come back if things got better#but i don’t think they will ever be#honestly i’ve made peace with the girlfucker and father of the year images#i had to take that it’s never going to end#and i was so sad about it but what can i do? nothing#hope they are happy with what they have right now#i love harry and louis so much and will love them forever but what they’re doing with their lives…#i just don’t want to watch it#and i think 2015 hl would be disappointing too#2011 hl would be just killed by those actions lol#anyway love you all and going away
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how does this week keep getting worse wtf
#this is. so fucking unbearable#the tinnitus makes me want to blow my fucking brains out i dont know why it got so much violently worse so fast#but i guess its like this forever now! and it only gets worse!#i thought id be able to deal with it but if it gets this much worse at this rate im so fuxking dead lol this is insanity#i cant take it on top of everything everything EVERYTHING else if god wants me dead this fucking bad she'll get it#life hasnt been worth it for 12 fucking years it CERTAINLY isnt worth it now that im blinder balder in more.pain and.crazier than ever#and the tinnitus makes the screaming in my head eternal#girl theres no point it just hurts to be alive#i cant pay to fix a single one of my problems and ill need tens of thousands of dollars to even kind of fix all of them#i never got to start my life#i never will. not as the person i was. or ever wanted to be. or even close. ive physically and mentally lost too much to do what id planned#and now i cant even live in peace normally even if i were able to 'fix' everything so much of this is permanent and degenerative#spent 24 years giving everything to my family and they returned the favor by leaving me in a rotting box to die and i let it work lol#only took abouy a year and a half too#my dad's family killed off their mentally ill youngest of six WAY faster than it took em to get to me so i guess they got rusty#anyway i love when the all consuming despair comes back im gonna go cry for a bit and hopefully fall back to sleep
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@absolut--kurant!
Pyunggang Botanical Garden (평강식물원) // Hello Korea ♡
#good morning! 🌱🌿🌳🍃🌲#so here's storytime (a tiny one)#in the last years of me staying in korea for holidays i had a tiny apartment next to an arboretum#as in i could physically go down the stairs out the building go round the back and the arboretum entrance was right there#i spent many an hour wiling away while i was there and i regret i don't have many pictures of the place#(i was spacing out a lot due to Problems at the time 😥)#but it was always summer when i was there and always humid and part of the rainy season and there was a little lakeside thing#with a traditionally designed gazebo set in the middle (?) of it#and this gifset really reminds me of that place. of the complete peace of standing there and watching the ripples and the water lilies#that's the kind of peace i wish for us always 😌💖#the place is called hanbat arboretum and it seems to have been expanded from last i was there#images on google look lovely))#anyway that's my morning story. i hope you have a good day today my dear 💖💖💖💖💖#life isn't quite like life without plants 🌳
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