#anyway my brain is piecing this together at 11pm

[yrsonpurpose]

I will no longer be the prince of shame and of secrets. Starting today, the world will know me for who I am and not who you want me to be.

[kittlyns]

It's always a little surreal for me when a parent commends me on being good or patient with their child cuz I'm quickly reminded that they have no idea the only group of people I'm truly comfortable around are kids

[drabbles-mc]

Mon Amie

Coco Cruz x F!Reader

Request by @elivanah-writes​: So I was thinking what if he met a girl one day or already knows her for some time but she's moved there maybe a few months ago and only speaks french and english. And she teaches him some words in french. And ends up singing a song for him. The song in the fic can be found Here

Warnings: language, alcohol, a split second of light angst, Coco being a cutie pie

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: So I did tweak the original request a little bit but I hope you still enjoy it! I know zero French so hopefully I did alright pulling this together. I kind of love these two together though I can’t lie. Hope you guys enjoy it!

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“Nah, I’m just saying,” he chuckled as he watched you pull things from your cabinets to start making dinner, “if you’re livin’ this close to the border, you should know some Spanish.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” you shake your head slightly as you bite back a smile, “I’m just saying that trying to learn Spanish immersively when I know none is a bit much.”

“I could teach you,” he watched for your reaction as he took a sip of his beer.

The offer made you turn to face him, “Oh? Could you?”

“What’s that look for, ma?” he laughed.

You shrug, giggling quietly, “Just didn’t know that you were a teacher as well as a biker.”

“There’s a lot you still gotta learn about me,” he paused, “But forreal. I can teach you if you want?”

“Coco, you really don’t have—”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to,” he lightly drummed his fingers on the countertop, “How ‘bout I’ll teach you Spanish if you teach me French? Deal?”

You laughed, twirling the spoon idly in your hands, “You wanna learn French?”

“Why you gotta look so shocked at everything I say?” he flashed you a quick smile.

“Well, like you said,” you smiled, biting lightly at your bottom lip, “I’ve got a lot to learn.”

You’d spent a lot of time with Coco ever since you found yourself in Santo Padre. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what drew the two of you to each other in the first place, but you became fast friends. The first time you’d invited him over to your place for dinner you could see a million different thoughts flash across his face and you couldn’t deny that being flustered looked cute on him. You reassured him that it was just a friendly invite—no pressure whatsoever. And somehow that turned into him coming over on a somewhat regular basis. There was a sense of security for you in the friendship that the two of you had been building.

Once he agreed to start teaching you, though, you felt like the two of you saw each other practically every day, even if he just stopped in quickly on his way home. He was teaching you the basics, the practical things that you needed to know. And in return you taught him the same things in French. Both of you got a kick out of the other trying to master the emphasis and accents of the other language. Every now and then you’d write words down in French for him just to watch him get blown away by how something spelled out one way, was said completely different.

“Ah, mon amie, don’t give up on me now,” you laughed as you looked over the list of words that you had been “studying”, although that was a bit of a strong word for it, “I’ll get this, I promise.”

He laughed, “I know you will,” he paused and you could feel his eyes on you as you read the paper, “What’s that mean again?”

“Hm?” you looked up at him.

“What’s that mean? Mon amie?”

A soft smile took over your features, “My friend.”

He didn’t say anything, simply nodded in acknowledgment. But despite his silence you could see it on his face that there was a certain kind of comfort in the title. Of course the two of you were friends, but you could tell by the look in his eyes that knowing it and hearing you say it were two completely different things.

“Alright,” he snapped back to the real task at hand, “you remember how to ask where the grocery store is? That’s a good one to know.”

“Yes!” you paused, picturing the flashcards you made for yourself in your mind, “Dónde está,” you pressed your lips together, hesitating on whether or not you were thinking of the right word, “el supermercado?”

He smiled, nodding, “You got it. Basically, if you got dónde está, that’s like ninety percent of all those questions. So you’ll be good.”

“How often do you think I’ll be getting lost?” you chuckled as you got up from the table to grab a couple drinks for each of you.

When he didn’t have an immediate response, you looked back over your shoulder at him and you could see that he was trying to think of the right word. You paused, placing your hands on your hips as you waited to see what he was going to say.

“Souvent,” he finally got the word out.

You laughed, placing your hand on your chest to feign offense at his statement, “Really? You don’t think I have a good sense of direction?”

“You text me at least twice a week asking where shit is in town, ma. And the town ain’t even that big,” he chuckled.

You shook your head as you pulled two beers out of the fridge, “First of all, rude,” you laughed, “Second of all, I’m glad the French lessons are sticking when you really need them,” you mumbled and continued shaking your head as you popped the tops off the beer bottles, “Often. This guy…”

“C’mon,” he chuckled as he got up and walked over to you, “don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad,” you laughed, handing one bottle over to him, “I’m just…” you racked your brain for the right word in Spanish, “decepcionada,” you laughed as you said it, letting him know that it wasn’t true.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be able to talk shit to me in Spanish soon enough.”

“I can’t wait,” you smiled.

There were a few beats of silence and just as you were about to ask if he wanted to stay for dinner his phone went off. He reached into his kutte and pulled it out, and you could tell from the shift in expression on his face that he was about to have to take off out the door. You tried not to feel too disappointed about it, because you knew that you were just a very small piece of the larger picture of his life.

He held the phone up to his ear, “Yo. Yea, yea, alright. I’ll be there in a few.” The conversation was over as quickly as it started. When he looked over at you, you could’ve sworn that you could see it in his eyes that he didn’t really want to go, or maybe you were just projecting, “I gotta run.”

“I figured,” you took a sip of your beer, “I’ll talk to you later?”

He nodded, “Yea, ‘course,” he stepped in and hugged you, and before he could stop himself he placed a chaste kiss on your cheek, “Bonne nuit.”

You smiled, a soft giggle slipping past your lips as you listened to the way his accent wrapped around the French words, “Buenas noches, Coco.”

“See?” he flashed you one last smile before taking off out the door, “You’re gettin’ it.”

Once the door shut behind him, you let out a small sigh. Your bottle hung limply from one hand as your other came up and lightly caressed over the spot where Coco’s lips had just been. Perhaps friend wasn’t quite strong enough of a word anymore.

You didn’t see him for a few days after that. It wasn’t the strangest thing in the world, really. You knew very little about what the club was involved in but you knew that it was time-consuming if nothing else. But Coco popping in had somewhat become a bit of a routine and it was weird to go a few nights in a row with no sign of him. He’d responded to your texts asking if he was at least alive and safe somewhere, and the sarcasm in his response let you know that he was definitely fine, just busy.

You were sipping on your glass of wine as you watched your pie baking in the oven. Baking late at night when you weren’t ready to fall asleep was something you’d done ever since you started living on your own and realized that no one was around to stop you. It was usually an activity coupled with a large glass of wine and mellow music—just a nice way to relax when it was late.

Over the sounds of the music you could hear someone knock at your door. You knew that there was really only one person it could be. You turned the music down slightly before walking over to the door. When you opened it, you saw Coco on the other side—he was safe and in one piece, but you could see the exhaustion on his face.

“Hey, you alright?” you motioned for him to come in.

“I know it’s late. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine,” you cut him off, not wanting him to feel bad, “I was up anyway.”

He glanced over your shoulder into the kitchen, “You cookin’ at 11PM?” a tired smile crossed his features.

You laughed, “You don’t get to come over this late and then judge my late-night activities.”

It got him to laugh, “I ain’t judging you. I just figured you’d be, I dunno, fuckin’ asleep or something.”

“And yet you’re still here,” you studied his face for a moment, “You sure you’re okay?”

He shrugged, “Just been a long few days. Needed uh, un ami.”

You smiled, taking his hand and tugging him towards the kitchen, “You came to the right place.”

Trying not to get too distracted by how much you loved the way his rough, calloused palm felt pressed against yours, you motioned for him to sit down at the counter. You grabbed another stemless wine glass from the cupboard and poured him a glass. You could see the dubious look on his face and couldn’t help but to laugh.

“Trust me. Wine after a bad day just…hits a little different than a beer. Plus,” you nodded towards the oven, “it’ll taste good with the pie.”

“You’re bakin’ a fuckin’ pie at midnight?”

“Eleven,” you corrected with a smile.

The two of you existed in comfortable silence while you waited for the oven timer to go off. As much as you wanted to ask about what had been going on, to pry about what seemed to have put him in a bit of a mood, you didn’t. Your home was a place away from all of that for him and you were more than content to keep it that way. As the minutes ticked by, you could see it in his face and body language that he was relaxing.

The timer went off, causing both of you to perk up a bit. You took another sip of your wine before setting the glass down and grabbing your oven mitts. You pulled the pie out of the oven and set it on the hot-plate that was on the counter. You smiled when you saw Coco’s eyes light up at the sight of it.

“Espere,” you waved the pie server at him, “It’s hot.”

He smiled for a moment at your recall of the word before asking, “How long we gotta wait?” he took a drink from his wine glass.

You chuckled, “Until I say it’s ready to eat.”

The only sound in the room was coming from your phone as it continued to softly play music from your playlist. You hummed along quietly as you started getting plates and forks out for the two of you. As you were gathering things together, you almost completely forgot that Coco was there and you started to sing quietly, more to yourself than to him.

When you turned around and saw the look on Coco’s face, you became very aware of what you had been doing. Heat rushed to your face and you stopped singing as you set a plate down in front of him.

“I don’t think I’ve heard you sing in any language,” he was smiling, eyes filled with awe.

You laughed nervously, “Singing is usually a Me Time activity.”

“What song’s that?” he nodded towards your phone.

“It’s called Je Vais T’Aimer,” you started cutting into the pie to avoid looking him in the eye.

“You can keep singing, if you want,” he ran the tip of his finger along the edge of his glass, “It can still be You Time.”

“Ask me about it again after I have a few more glasses of wine,” you replied with a smile as you served a piece of the pie onto his plate.

“What if,” he asked through a mouthful of pie, “I said that I’d learn better if I listened to you sing the words?”

You laughed, shaking your head, “I’d say that you’re full of it.”

The two of you sat on opposite sides of the counter and talked about anything that didn’t feel heavy or serious, and it felt good. You each had a few more glasses of wine as you chatted, fingers occasionally brushing against each other as you reached for the bottle. It was already the small hours of the morning before you finally decided to start rinsing off the dishes.

You both had been talking long enough for your playlist to completely loop back around again. You weren’t going to comment on it but you could see Coco’s eyes light up a bit when he heard the slightly familiar piano notes coming from your phone. Making a point to not look directly at him, you quietly began to sing as you started to clean the dishes you’d used while you were baking, the ones that you and Coco had just used to eat.

Coco materialized next to you by the sink, leaning back on the counter. He didn’t say anything as he listened to you sing, and watched you meticulously clean each dish and piece of silverware. You caught smile on his face from the corner of your eye, and it was soft, genuine. For a moment you thought about pressing your lips to it but you stopped yourself.

Even when the song ended, Coco didn’t stop watching you, “You got a good voice.”

You finally fully looked over at him, “I’m glad you think so,” there was a tinge of amusement in your voice.

“Nah, I’m serious,” he playfully nudged your shoulder, “I might not know all the words but I know what sounds good. Don’t gotta be fluent for that.”

You laughed, “I suppose not,” you shut the water off and dried your hands, moving so that you were standing in front of him. Taking a chance, with a little bit of liquid confidence at your back, you reached out and gently stroked your thumb along his cheek, “Feel better?”

He nodded, smiling as he rested his hand over yours, “Yea. Th-thank you. Or, y’know, merci.”

A quiet giggle slipped past your lips as you admired the way his hand continued to envelop yours, “You’re welcome.”

It was evident on his face that he had a thousand different thoughts going through his head at once. You let him get there on his own, saying whatever it was that he wanted to say, “I don’t, um, I don’t wanna fuck this up,” he motioned back and forth between you with his free hand, “but I really…I really wanna kiss you.”

Your heart pounded inside your chest, “Then…do it,” your voice was hardly a whisper.

His eyes widened—he didn’t have to be told twice. He gently tugged you towards him and pressed his lips to yours. You cupped his face in both hands as his arms snaked around your waist, pulling you flush against him. For a minute there wasn’t a single coherent thought in your head as you melted against him. You wished you’d done it sooner.

When you finally pulled your lips off of his, there was a smile on his face and a softness in his expression that you hadn’t seen before. Your hands rested lightly on his shoulders as his fingers drummed against your hips.

You saw his expression shift to one of deep thought and you gave his shoulders a light squeeze, “You okay?”

He nodded, “Yea, yea. I’m good, I just, gimme a sec,” his brows furrowed in thought, “I know this one. Hold on…”

It then hit you that he was trying to remember how to say something. You lightly bit down on your bottom lip, toying with the ends of his hair while you waited for him to remember what he wanted to say.

When he recalled it, it instantly showed all over his face. His eyes met yours, and with calculated certainty he said, “Je t’aime.”

Your stomach erupted in butterflies as you pressed a quick, soft kiss to his lips, “Je t’amie,” you paused, unable to tone down the grin on your face, “That wasn’t one that I taught you.”

He chuckled, “Nah, yea. I, uh, I hit Google Translate for that one.”

You laughed, kissing his cheek, “You’re perfect.”

[neonponders]

Based on @lovebillyhargrove ‘s This Steve with This Billy. (original concept credit to @youfuckingdonut)

I’m having more success with mafia drabbles than my on-going mafia fics orz

• • • • • • •

Steve didn’t know what Billy’s job actually was.

He knew the guy wore nice shirts and nicer blazers, suit jackets, and tuxedo pieces. He knew Billy had to be either the boss or close to it, because he only wore the pieces of a full suit or tuxedo. Steve wouldn’t be surprised if he burned every tie he saw. Always had too many buttons undone.

But he looked good. And he knew he looked good. He walked right up to Steve waiting in line with Robin at a cafe before it closed. They’d gone to a nightclub at the absurd time of 8 o’clock. Hey, no door charge because they showed up so early. They were drunk off their ass and sweaty by 11pm. He called it an efficient night out.

“I’ve never been so happy to have a box of stale croissants in my life,” Robin mused as the tired barista used the tongs in the glass display case.

Steve bounced from foot to foot, still dancing to the bad radio pop overhead. He cracked open his juice from the chilled shelves, since asking for a coffee five minutes shy of closing might get a wad of spit mixed in - 

“You’re light on your feet.”

Steve didn’t think too heavily on it when he was drunk. Everyone was prettier when the brain behind the eyes was in some cups, just like all food tasted better. Maybe he should’ve devoted more brain cells to the moment. But that was a lost cause now.

He and Robin chatted and Steve apologized for his hand being wet with condensation and sweat when the guy offered a handshake. Even through the sparkly haze of alcohol, Steve could tell he gave Steve the time of day more than Robin, but they were on their way out anyway.

Steve might’ve said, “Well that was a great nightcap. He’s tasty,” a bit loud before the cafe door shut behind them. Robin coughed on her croissant and Steve guffawed and swiped it for himself before taking off down the street with her chasing after him.

But then Steve just kept running into him.

The guy from the cafe.

Walking into the park as Steve was leaving it. Strolling by the bank before Steve went inside.

With his designer clothes and his clean shoes and smooth, clean shaven jaw made ever so slightly tacky from skincare and lotion when it touched Steve’s face. Because he leaned too far forward over the table he was serving at his upscale restaurant job and

Time froze in a vacuum

Because Steve could’ve sworn he - Billy - lifted his face into the shadow of Steve’s neck. Inhaled.

It was a miracle he didn’t drop a plate or spill a glass. He dared the briefest glance but blue eyes pierced him regardless of the emotion behind them. Steve felt like a dagger tied on a string hung through his belly, lazily stirring his nerves and threatening to land dangerously in his groin.

He left the table before he made a fool of himself and all the company present. Large tables guaranteed large tips. He’d be set for the next month if he just didn’t fuck this up. He strode past the open-air kitchen and the ‘butler’s pantry’ area to hallway with the staff bathrooms -

Hands turned him around by his hips, surprisingly warm despite the thick poly-cotton of his white apron and the black slacks underneath.

The dagger fell.

The kiss was soft despite how ravenously Billy plundered his mouth. It was all Steve could do, to hold onto his nape and then wrap his arms behind Billy’s neck. He tasted like steak and amaretto and neutral sweet, like a man. Mewls and moans left Steve’s throat like he couldn’t stop them. Didn’t want to. Just wanted to drown in whatever this was.

Billy pivoted them so Steve pressed into the wallpaper. He hummed again as his hand found the clean shaven fade on the back of Billy’s head, his blunt fingertips petting and scratching there like he hadn’t known this man for more than an hour of collective encounters.

A sound left Billy’s chest. It hit Steve’s core like a pebble on a bell before he broke the kiss enough to meet Steve’s gaze. Clear blue eyes far more sober than Steve felt and probably looked. Wrecked with lust for this stranger who had money and means to always find him.

“A car’s going to pick you up later.”

Steve blinked with reticence, not wanting to leave this haze but already out of it.

“Get into the car.” The pad of Billy’s thumb touched Steve’s lip, light but insistent. He breathed, “Steve,” before leaving the hallway. Pleading. At least, Steve wanted it to be a plea.

But he was gone when Steve checked back at the table to top up waters and drinks. In singles and pairs, the group left until Steve was left to collect dishes and wonder who the hell managed their tabs. His manager answered that question for him moments later, by shoving a thick fold of cash into his apron pocket.

“Your tip from table twenty-three.”

“I didn’t see you get the bills,” he commented, intending to reach in and see what the high rollers tipped - 

She shoved his hands away from his pocket. “You don’t take money out in the open, silly. Get back to your locker for that.”

Steve knew he never saw her with a pile of receipt folders with credit cards sticking out of them. But he went back to work and didn’t take inventory of his tips until closing.

That table might’ve spent $1200 on dinner and drinks.

Steve got $1100 in tips. What kind of math that was, he didn’t know, but he couldn’t fixate on it too much, because inside the fold of money was a piece of paper with a phone number. No name. Steve could assume it to be Billy’s but he didn’t know...

Get into the car.

Steve zipped up his coat as he stepped out of the employees’ entrance. He emerged out of the service alleyway to...a regular city street. No cars more or less than normal, and none of them stood out...

Did he even want to get in?

He almost shook his head, just to jostle his thoughts around. “Don’t be stupid, don’t be stupid,” he whispered to himself as he turned and marched his ass home. He didn’t know this guy: a person with a scary amount of recon on his life to be able to find him at any ol’ time. His dinner friends weren’t exactly a college reunion, either.

But he kissed like a god and tasted like one too.

He held Steve like he wanted him, and Christ, Steve wanted to be wanted.

The privilege of being craved.

He was wrist deep in shampoo with his eyes closed when he realized someone pounded on his apartment door. The panic of rinsing suds off his body as fast as possible, the terror of someone at his door at 2am, and the fury of pissing off his neighbors at 2am spurred him out of the shower and into a t-shirt on top of the towel around his waist.

God sure as hell could’ve been at his door and Steve would’ve answered it the same way.

“It’s 3am! Shut the hell up!” he hissed.

Billy looked equal measures of pissed and concerned, but he blinked and amusement crept in. He wore a long, swanky pea coat that looked soft to the touch. Steve was more preoccupied with moving out of his way when the guy strode right into his apartment.

“Why didn’t you let the car pick you up?” Billy’s gaze moved around the Spartan yet cluttered living room.

“Uh, I didn’t see one?” Steve sassed before he admitted, “Or...it’s a street? Lots of cars.”

Billy’s attention landed on him like he didn’t quite believe it. Steve stood in a towel with dripping hair, for god sake. Billy’s eyes raked over him as if he were putting together some pieces of a puzzle that Steve didn’t understand. Or was mundane life so difficult if you could just drop $1100?

Billy took his hands from his pockets and started removing buttery leather gloves. “Do you have a roommate?”

Steve felt like another dagger was about to fall, but where, he couldn’t tell. He inhaled and sighed, “No.”

“Who is that woman to you?”

Steve’s brows reached for his hairline. “You mean my best friend?” he challenged.

Billy laughed. Derisive and amused and...impressed? Relieved?

He threw his coat, jacket, and gloves on the IKEA couch and those hands found Steve’s waist again. “Billy?” he managed before he had those lips again. Before Billy’s hand found the base of his skull and encouraged him to tilt for better access.

Then Billy let a moan seep into his sigh. Their lips parted audibly and he breathed, “No one talks to me like you do. About me. To me. You-mmh.”

He took Steve’s lips again like he craved. Steve shivered against his erection brushing against the fibers of his towel.

“Can I finish my shower?”

“No,” he purred darkly, arm locking behind Steve’s waist as the other pressed a rolling hand to Steve’s front.

He trembled through a broken shout, panting against Billy’s lips and jaw, gripping his silk shirt at the risk of scratching the threads. Billy licked over Steve’s lips, and Steve was dangerously close to cumming right there.

“Billy...” he whined. He warned.

Bright eyes gazed steadily at him through hooded, dark lashes. “Keep saying my name like that. I’ll give you everything.”

[iwavibes]

first off i’d like to say i rlly love your writing🥺🥺 and i want to thank you for sharing your work with us!!! ive read ur whole masterlist and it’s all so so good! i’m obsessed w pretty setters 🥰 i was mayhaps .... wondering if you could write something maid cafe related w either suga, kageyama or kenma? 😳 u don’t have to obviously KDNDKNDKS anyways hope you have a good day today!!!

AAAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE PRETTY SETTERS SO FAR!! you're so sweet omg lemme give u a kith this made my whole day 😩💞 it's 11PM rn so this might be a bit of a mess 😭 fingers crossed that my tired brain won't fuck this up 🤞 finished this at around 12AM NSKSJSKM i hope you like this anon 💕💗

hq reacting to y/n working at a maid cafe

---sugawara, kageyama & kenma

sugawara koushi

sugawara is very adventurous like he'd be all out on trying new stuff

may it be food, hobbies, anything.

man is a knitting legend and he only went to one (1) lesson 😩

king shit 👑✊

so when noya suddenly dragged him to a maid cafe, he didn't think much of it

he was already used to his friend's pervy tendencies

why he was hanging out with him on his own was a mystery

he would quickly scan the menu, eyeing the pictures of cute food along with whatever dish sounds appetizing enough

his concentration was cut off, however, when he heard a familiar voice

even tho you purposefully raise your voice up a notch this man would still know that it's you

he'd blush furiously as soon as his eyes meet yours and seeing you in a cute maid outfit really did not help his case

you'd freeze as soon as you processed the identities of the customers in front of you mostly at suga

noya would eye the two of you knowingly, a somewhat proud smirk on his face

"NOYA I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYBODY"

"really??? must have slipped my mind."

you wanted to kill him

you would try to get back into character very awkwardly if i might add and suga would just stare at you in disbelief

was this why you always rejected him whenever he asked you out?

my boy would be having a whole ass epiphany and now he's seeing you in a whole new light

"and you, senpai?"

still, even with all these new information, he can keep his cool and tell you what he wanted smoothly.

after that, everything would be going smoothly

but then, as time passes you notice that sugawara hasn't left yet and noya is nowhere to be seen.

by the time your shift ends, he'd stand up from his seat and jog towards you with a smile

"since your shift is over, is it okay for me to take you out? or atleast walk you home?"

and tbh how could you say no to that

"you know, you could've told me that you were working during the weekends. now i feel bad for trying to keep you away from your job." he said as he walked you home.

"well... working outside school campus is strictly prohibited and i didn't want to take any chances. only one of my friends know about it and noya only found out by accident." you explained. "i'm sorry if i made you feel like i didn't trust you."

"it's okay! i totally understand why you didn't tell me. at least now i know when you get off work, this way i can walk you home everyday." he beamed.

you feel your heart pound in your chest at his words, heat slowly spreading across your cheeks as you look at him in shock.

"that is, if it's okay with you?" he stopped walking before turning his body to you. politely awaiting your answer. you nodded your head slowly and sugawara can't help but smile wider.

"you're very admirable, y/n."

kageyama tobio

unlike sugawara, kageyama is a very awkward dude

he lost a bet against hinata and now it was time for his punishment

kageyama may be the king of the court and he may look like the coolest man alive whenever he's on the court but thats about it

everything else, this poor boy is really clueless and awkward someone save him

so while they were walking around town, hinata trying to figure out what to make kageyama do, they passed by the maid cafe you work out

believe me when i tell you a light bulb suddenly sprouted from the tangerine's head

all he needed to do was go inside the cafe and buy some milk

simple stuff

but you should remember that this guy is so awkward and unaware that it can be painful just to look at him try to fit in

and soon kageyama finds himself walking to the cafe, money in hand, as he tried psyching himself out as he steps nearer to the entrance

'i can do this'

'i defeated oikawa so this will just be a piece of cake'

'boke hinata boke'

when he does enter the cafe, he opened the door too hard, making all the customers and employees turn to the sound

this boy would be glaring as he walked to the nearest empty seat

i kid you not everyone is terrified of this boy rn

and he's embarrassed enough as is because of how loud he opened the door and now everyone was looking at him 😭

baby just wants some milk 😩

it gets worse once he sees the person that will be serving him

bc wow have you seen yourself???? you're fucking hot bRO

stutters. A LOT.

and you can't help but to smirk at his flustered state.

"uhhh... m-milk please?" this was the guy everyone is scared of? you wanted to ask your co workers. it's just kageyama. the boy in your class who failed that one exam and practically begged you to tutor him. this?? this is who you're scared of?

you raised a brow teasingly at his state. "of course! would that be all, master?"

this guy literally chokes on his own spit while shaking his head frantically. you chuckled before walking away to get his drink.

"here you are, sir." you say as you settled the glass on his table. taking the money from his outstretched hand. no words. he just wants you to take the money and save him from further embarrassment.

"you know, you may be scary on the court but you're actually very adorable, tobio-chan."

ERROR kageyama.exe has stopped working

kozume kenma

if you guys thought kageyama was bad then... you right kenma is just behind him by a scratch

unlike his fellow setter, kenma can still form words when he saw you

why was he in a maid cafe in the first place? simple;; kuroo

it was one of the rare instances where his best friend actually managed to get him out of the house

and now he's salty

has a permanent frown etched on his face the whole walk to the cafe >:(

and kuroo would be talking away, unbothered by his friend's attitude and now here they were

"you know i've always wanted to come here. i heard they serve really tasty milkshakes."

"kuroo."

"yeah?"

"shut up."

he'd start playing on his phone while kuroo scolds him about how unhealthy it was to play games this much

but kenma remains unbothered

however, the moment he sees you, boi is already lost

he'd stare at you for a long time until you hear the small sfx indicating that he died.

he couldn't care less tho as he pocketed his phone inside his hoodie

kuroo quirked a brow at his friend before turning to you

"y/n! i didn't know you worked here."

"im trying to buy the latest installment of [insert random game here] so i need the money."

wow,, can you be any more perfect?

rn kenma's brain is already whirring with thoughts as he pictured this as one of his roleplay games

y/n says: so what will you be having?

choices: [banana] [latte] [ps4]

he picks the latte

"coming right up!"

and for the first time that day, kenma smiles

"oya?" kuroo spoke up the moment he sees his friend's upturned lips. "what's this?"

his face turned into a scowl again as he glared at his friend. "none of your business."

kuroo smirked, already scheming before standing up. "i'm gonna go to the restroom. watch our food while i'm gone."

"it's not like it's going anywhere." kenma huffed but his raven haired friend was already walking away.

"here are your orders, kenma." you announce, setting the food down on the table. "let me know if you need anything else."

you were just about to walk back to the counter when you suddenly felt a hand stop you by your wrist. you turned around towards a sheepish looking kenma. his eyes landing on every where but you.

"i have that game you're saving up. if you want, we can play it together. it's a multiplayer game right? i haven't started on it because kuroo sucks at shooting games." kenma's voice has always been soft and very quiet. some would've found it hard to understand what he just said but to you, you could hear him as clear as day.

"sure, we can play it this friday if you want?"

kenma nodded, finally lifting his head up to look at you.

"see you on friday then."

[puppywritings]

you make it feel like christmas - kim doyoung x gender-neutral reader 

⇢   synopsis: when you entered your job a few years ago, you found your best friend, doyoung. the two of you were partners-in-crime, platonic soulmates. however, during a drunken phone call with doyoung’s mother, she catches the wrong idea and invites you to spend christmas with their family… as doyoung’s partner. ever the mama’s boy, doyoung doesn’t want to disappoint her. and you? you’re counting down the days until you can stop this lovers pretence and slap your best friend upside the head.

⇢   word count: 5.6k ⇢   trigger warnings: alcohol use resulting in minor memory loss, swearing, slight suggestive references. this piece is suitable for all audiences! 

⇢   a/n: this is my piece for @pastelsicheng​ and @dearyongs​‘ a taste of winter collab. quick disclaimer that doyoung’s family in this fic may not represent his real life family situation, however this is a work of fiction and isn’t meant to mirror real life. i don’t know doyoung, nor do i know his mother, and the characters represented in this writing are fictitious versions of them. furthermore, the christmas traditions depicted in this story are mainly based on my own experiences celebrating the holidays in england.

⇢   taglist: @hunjins​ @ahgase55g7​ @mmoondance​ @notnctu​ @orange-nimon-cross​ @yeoshwa​ @infnteen​ @neonun-au​ @luvlala​ @neo-shitty​ @yutacrush​ @ethaeriyeol​ @fairyinaflowercrown​ @in-my-neofeelings​ @dreamieofu​

"All I want for Christmas is youuu, baby!"

Doyoung's voice was almost deafening in your ear, which would've been a problem if you were sober. Your voice, too, merrily drunk and far too loud, belted out the holiday tunes. Your best friend's arm was slung around your shoulder, and yours was around his waist. It was like the blind leading the blind, however; neither of you were keeping your balance very well. The two of you staggered together, navigating the city's streets back to his apartment.

The Christmas party that your office held would have been okay without your favourite coworker - you would've had a good time and enjoyed yourself, sure. But with Doyoung's presence, paired with the copious amounts of alcohol, it had been a riot. Even if you had peaked too early and had to depart by 11pm. 

Doyoung was, undoubtedly, the best part about your job. The workload wasn't overwhelming, nor was it tedious, and the salary was nothing to sneeze at. But, without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing your job had ever provided you with was the opportunity to meet your best friend. Doyoung was your platonic soulmate, and your favourite person.

"Hey," Doyoung slurred, calling out to you suddenly. "Is that your ringtone?"

Squinting, you listened closely. "No, Doie," you hiccupped. "I think that's your ringtone."

"Oh, shit,'' Doyoung mumbled, diving into his coat pocket to retrieve his ringing phone. "My mom! She's facetiming."

Your vision was blurred, but you very vaguely saw Doyoung answer the call, bringing up his mother's image on his phone screen. Though you’d been best friends with Doyoung for a few years, you’d never met her. Doyoung lived and worked alongside you in the city, but his mother lived a while away in the countryside, and so your paths had never crossed.

"Hi Mom," Doyoung waved at her.

"Doyoung? Where are you?"

"I'm walking home, Mom," he responded, beaming at her through his phone.

"You sent me a strange text message," she told him, her voice raised a little more than necessary - Doyoung had mentioned that she was somewhat inept when it came to technology. 

"Huh?" Doyoung looked confused.

"Something about lunch the day after tomorrow," she elaborated. "Doyoung, you aren't coming home for the holidays until next week, right?"

"Ah," Doyoung said, understanding. "That was meant for somebody else, sorry Mom."

"My boy," you heard her tut, and you laughed. "Is someone there with you, Doyoung?"

"Yeah," Doyoung nodded, "Y/N is here."

"Hi, Mrs Kim," you waved, as Doyoung turned the screen towards you. If you weren't so drunk, you would've been nervous about meeting your best friend's mother for the first time. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it) your bloodstream was mainly rum at that point, so you had absolutely no worries nor qualms. 

“Kim Doyoung! Why didn’t you tell me you had a partner?” his mother blurted out.

“Huh?” exclaimed Doyoung, utterly confused.

“Oh Doyoung, you must bring Y/N home for the holidays! I can’t wait to meet them,” she cooed.

“Mom, wait-”

“See you two next week!” she cheerily said her goodbyes before hanging up, disappearing from the screen and leaving the two of you in silence. 

Doyoung looked at you. You looked back at him.

“Did she…” you began, not quite wanting to end your sentence.

Doyoung nodded gravely. “She thinks we’re dating.”

The look on Doyoung’s face - eyes wide, lips in a straight, serious line - it was too much for you. You snorted, gripping his arm as you buckled in laughter. He wasn’t far behind you, bursting into a fit of giggles too. You and Doyoung loved each other, that was indisputable. But it was completely and entirely platonic. The two of you laughed together the rest of the way home.

As you were coming to your senses the next morning, you groaned. Why the hell did you feel so lousy? you wondered, full to the brim with self-pity. Your head pounded, a throbbing ache so strong you were certain somebody was banging pots and pans in your brain. Your throat was so, so dry, and you felt as though you could drink a whole gallon of water and still be thirsty afterwards. And then the memories of the previous night came flooding in.

Ah, you thought, Now it all makes sense.

You sorted through the events of last night, mentally flicking through the filing cabinet of your memories. A filing cabinet that was sorely empty when it came to the night prior. You remembered arriving at the party with Doyoung; you remembered the first few drinks, but following that your memories began to fade. You remembered Doyoung pressing a sloppy kiss to your boss’ cheek - a rather stoic middle-aged man - and you had no doubt that Doyoung would be apologising profusely on Monday morning. You had absolutely no recollection of the walk home, but since you had awoken in Doyoung’s spare bedroom, you supposed the night could have gone worse. At least you made it home safe.

Begrudgingly, you threw back the blankets and lifted yourself out of bed. Doyoung - bless his heart - had left you some painkillers and a glass of water on the bedside table. You consumed both of them gratefully and emerged from the spare room, wincing at the sunlight that met you. As you made your way down the hallway, whistling met your ears. How Doyoung could be so lively after a night of heavy drinking, you had no idea.

“Why the hell do you never get hungover?” you grumbled at him as you entered the kitchen, finding him at the stove.

“Good morning to you, too, sleeping beauty,” he greeted you with a smile.

“Seriously,” you continued as you took a seat at the kitchen island, “I swear I get hungover enough for the both of us.”

“Thank you for taking on that burden,” Doyoung replied sweetly, which you responded to with a spiteful glower. It doesn’t last long, however; Doyoung finishes cooking breakfast, and dishes you up a serving. Sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs, baked beans, hash browns, and toast. As much as you playfully bickered with Doyoung, he was an absolute treasure.

“Doie, you’re a gift from the heavens,” you praise him, the sight of the warm, greasy food reviving your soul almost immediately. 

Doyoung took a seat next to you, placing down a plate of his own breakfast. “So,” he began, “How much of last night do you remember?”

“Huh?” you asked, suddenly wondering if you’d forgotten something drastic. “Did we…”

“Oh my god, no,” Doyoung denied quickly.

“Thank fuck,” you sigh in relief. Your best friend was attractive, definitely. But you saw him as more of a sibling than a lover.

Doyoung waited a moment before explaining, and with each second that passed, your suspicions rose. “My mom… She’s invited you to spend the holidays with us.”

“Oh!” you exclaim. That confession was a lot tamer than what you’d expected. “Sure, that sounds great. I was spending the holidays alone this year anyways.”

“There’s a catch.”

You dropped your knife and fork onto your plate. “Doyoung,” you groan, “Why is there always a catch?”

“My mom thinks we’re dating.” Doyoung pointedly avoided your eye contact while he spoke.

“And you corrected her, right?” you asked, fearing the worst. Doyoung’s silence only confirmed your fears. “Right?” 

“She was so happy when she thought I was dating someone! And she’s been on my back about settling down forever,” Doyoung rambled, trying to save himself from your wrath - to no avail.

“Doyoung!”

“Please, Y/N. It’ll only be for a few days,” he pleaded, clasping his hands together and giving you his very best puppy-dog eyes. And you had to admit, they were some top-notch puppy-dog eyes.

You gave a resigned sigh, and Doyoung cheered. “Fine. But only because I really want to try your mom’s cookies.”

“You’re the best friend in the world,” Doyoung complimented you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. You whined at him, fighting the urge to bat away his affections; in your hungover state, you were not at all ready for hugs.

“Then make me some more hash browns,” you grumbled. If Doyoung was prepared to put you in this situation, he’d better also be prepared to pay you for it.

“You got it, best friend,” Doyoung beamed at you, getting up to obey your command. “You should pack those Christmas pyjamas you’re wearing, by the way. My mom would love them.” You scowled at him. He immediately backed down, waving away his previous statement. “We can figure out the logistics later.”

“You better make this worth my while, Kim Doyoung.” When he served you your hash browns, you were still scowling.

As the taxi pulled up at Doyoung’s childhood home, you couldn’t help but marvel at it. You raised a hand to the cab’s window, looking out at the idyllic cottage, rooftop covered in snow, decked out in twinkling Christmas lights. The environment had grown increasingly more peaceful as you had travelled out of Seoul and deeper into the countryside, picturesque hills and winding valleys rolling past the train windows. This place felt worlds away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and it was difficult to feel even slightly stressed. Even if the situation your best friend had put you in was less than ideal, this was an absolutely beautiful place to spend the holidays - it looked like it had jumped straight out of a Christmas card.

Despite the beautiful winter wonderland before you, you still weren’t prepared for the cold that hit you when you stepped out of the cab. You busied yourself getting the luggage from the trunk while Doyoung paid the driver.

“Are you ready?” Doyoung asked you, looking into your eyes sincerely.

You sighed. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You gave him a smile, reassuring him. The truth was, you were truly excited to spend the holidays with Doyoung and his mother; you were excited to meet her, to eat her home cooking, to hear stories about Doyoung in his youth. You just had some qualms about the whole fake relationship pretense, and you really didn’t want to let your best friend down.

“Y/N?” Doyoung spoke, taking bags out of your hands.

“Yeah?” you asked, watching wistfully as the taxi drove away.

Doyoung smirked at you. “Just try your best not to fall in love with me for real, okay?”

You rolled your eyes so hard they practically fell out of your head. “You wish.” Just as the cottage door swung open, you reached for Doyoung’s hand, holding it tightly. So began the relationship charade.

“Doyoung, my boy,” his mother beamed, coming out to greet her son. It was hard not to smile upon seeing her - she was clearly over the moon to see you and Doyoung, and her joy was infectious. She was a small woman, but you had gathered from Doyoung’s description that she certainly had a big character. She welcomed her son into an embrace, kissing his cheek. “You don’t visit home enough, Doyoung,” she chided lovingly.

“And you must be Y/N,” she spoke, moving her gaze onto you. She looked at you fondly, and you beamed back at her. “You’re so beautiful,” she praised you.

Your cheeks, already red from the cold, blazed a little brighter. “Thank you, Mrs Kim.”

She wagged a finger at you. “Mrs Kim, you make me sound so aged. Please, call me Mom.” She turned around, welcoming the two of you inside, and you shared a smile with Doyoung. 

The interior of the cottage was every bit as charming as the exterior. Family photos decorated the walls, and warm rugs hugged the floors. You supposed the home would have a cozy feeling all year round, but now, in the festive season, the place was dressed up to the nines. Lavish paper chains were strung up, along with twinkling lights and boughs of holly. Not to mention the Christmas tree; though not huge it was still sizeable, likely the biggest Mrs Kim could fit through the cottage door. It was embellished with golden tinsel and crimson baubles.

“Your home is so beautiful,” you commended. “Did you decorate yourself?”

“All by myself,” Doyoung’s mother confirmed proudly.

“This must’ve been a beautiful place to grow up,” you marvelled, your comment pointed towards Doyoung, who smiled back at you appreciatively.

“Oh, the stories I have about Doyoung growing up,” Mrs Kim said, and you detected a mischievous tone.

“I can’t wait to hear them,” you grinned.

“And see them!” she added. “I have so many photo albums.”

Doyoung groaned, while you and Mrs Kim laughed in the presence of his misery. Yes, you decided. You were going to enjoy this visit very much.

When you settled into bed that night, you were beyond exhausted. Doyoung’s mother had kindly set you up in the spare room, which was delightfully warm and snug. Doyoung’s childhood bedroom contained only a single bed, whereas the spare room had a double bed to accommodate you - the ‘couple.’ Though it had only been a few hours since you’d arrived that afternoon, the gravity of your situation had well and truly sunk in. The performative affection you and Doyoung had been carrying out was alien, equal parts strange and comical.

“I can’t believe the amount of times you called me Honey today,” Doyoung scoffed amusedly, dressed in his blue flannel pyjamas with his dark hair laying flat and fluffy on his forehead. He turned off the big light to leave the room illuminated by the warm glow of the table lamps, before climbing into bed beside you.

“Mock me all you want, Doyoung, but I think I put on a pretty convincing performance,” you return smugly.

“Well, I can’t imagine it’s hard. I’m very easy to love. You on the other hand?” Doyoung faked a weary sigh. “I have my work cut out for me.” You flicked Doyoung on the forehead, snickering when he yelped. 

You yawned, depositing your phone on the bedside table and snuggling down into the blankets. Though you were exhausted, and the cottage was immensely cozy, it always felt a little strange to fall asleep in a new place. You were thankful for the company of your best friend, who always put you at ease.

“I hate sharing a bed with you,” you grumbled your complaint. Despite the comfort he brought you, he wasn’t the easiest person to sleep with. “You starfish. I always wake up with, like, one centimetre of bed space.”

Doyoung dropped his phone, letting it fall onto the blankets. He looked at you, eyebrows raised. “One centimetre?”

“Yeah, one centimetre!” you insisted.

“Well, I always wake up with your cold feet on my legs,” he rebutted.

“Yeah, well-” you sputtered. “It’s not my fault you’re a living hot water bottle!”

“And it’s not my fault you’re always cold. Yet I’m always punished with your horrible cold feet.” You laughed back at him; the normality of your bickering helped to put you at ease.

“Let’s get some rest,” you suggested, yawning again. “I don’t wanna miss your mom’s cookies tomorrow morning - I wanna try them while they’re warm.”

“Mmm, good idea,” Doyoung agreed, eyes wide with the thought of his mother’s cookies.

“Goodnight, butthead,” you teased your friend, turning off the lamp beside you.

“Sleep well, idiot,” he replied fondly. 

Thoughts of warm chocolate-chip cookies were the last things on your mind before you fell asleep, and you were lucky enough to have them drift through your dreams that night.

As you slowly woke up, gradually returning to the land of the conscious, you first became aware of how delightfully warm you were. A light winter sun was shining through the gaps in the curtains, bathing the room in a soft white light. You sighed, hugging your pillow closer to you, but  furrowing your eyebrows in confusion when you found it to be much firmer and less pliant than a pillow.

“Nice to see you’ve finally awakened. You drooled on my pyjamas.” Doyoung’s voice was gentle, and lacked any real annoyance.

“What time is it?” you asked, rolling off the boy.

“Half nine,” he told you, looking at his phone screen. You digested the information as Doyoung got out of bed, stretching his muscles which had stiffened from sleep.

“Now that I’m finally free,” he stared at you pointedly, “I’m gonna take a shower. There’s another bathroom down the hall if you want to wash up.” You nodded, accomplishing your own satisfying stretch in bed.

A while later, fresh and ready for the day, adorned in your favourite comfy sweater, you made your way downstairs, trying to dampen down your high, high hopes for cookies.

“Good morning, Mrs Kim,” you greeted the woman with a smile. A smile that increased tenfold when you saw she was, in fact, in the middle of preparing cookies.

“I already told you to call me Mom, darling,” she chastised gently. “Did you sleep well?”

You gave her a nod, silently thinking about the several times you woke up to Doyoung kicking you through the night. 

“Lovely,” she commented. “I’m making cookies, would you like to help?”

“I’d love to,” you answered honestly. “Your cookies are kind of famous back in Seoul. Doyoung never stops talking about them.”

“That boy and his cookies,” she remarked with affection.

Doyoung’s mother set you off to work making another batch of mixture, as she began her duties with the rolling pin. The two of you worked in a comfortable silence, and you marvelled at how much she put you at ease. She was a warm lady, the kind of mother figure a person is lucky to have.

“Y/N, I want you to tell me everything,” she spoke after a while. “How did you and Doyoung meet?” 

“Ah,” you mumbled, gearing yourself up to talk about your fake-boyfriend. “Well, we work together. I joined the company about two years ago, and Doyoung was the one to show me the ropes.”

“Was it love at first sight?” Mrs Kim asked you sweetly.

You turned away from the cookie dough, choking a little at the mention of romance with Doyoung, as you remembered the first time you met the man. 

You were almost trembling as your new boss showed you around the office; this was your first “grown-up” job and you were the very definition of nervous. You were thankful for your brand-new black blazer which covered the sweat stains that you knew were building. 

“And this,” your boss introduced you, “Is Kim Doyoung. He’ll help you settle in.”

“Hi. Y/N Y/L/N,” you offered Doyoung your hand to shake, which he accepted. 

Doyoung waited for your boss to leave before speaking. “So,” he began with a smirk, “How hard did he try to be ‘relatable’ and ‘down with the kids?’”

You hid your laugh behind a cough. “He’s a little out of touch, huh?”

“A little?” Doyoung raised an eyebrow, laughing alongside you.

“Is it okay to talk about the boss like this? We’re supposed to respect him, right?” you asked your new coworker, a little uncertainly.

“Ah, Y/N, of course we respect him,” Doyoung tutted at you, before adding, “To his face.” 

Doyoung had you in stitches your entire first day. Though he tried not to show it, you hadn’t seen anybody try so hard to help you become comfortable and calm. He had been easing your nerves since day one. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed as you recovered.  “I think it was.” Maybe it wasn’t love at first sight in a romantic sense, but the two of you definitely connected on a personal level right away.

“So romantic,” Doyoung’s mother cooed as she rolled out the dough. “What do you love most about him?”

“Hm.” You paused, taking a moment to think. It was true that you loved a lot of Doyoung’s qualities - he was your best friend after all. He was always supportive, an ever-present shoulder to cry on. He was funny, and kind, and pleasant to be around. You always had fun together. “I love a lot of things about him,” you answered truthfully.

“He’s wonderful, isn’t he?” she agreed with you jovially, to which you smiled and nodded. “Now, I don’t want to rush you,” she continued, “But will you and Doyoung be giving me grandchildren any time soon?”

You choked on your spit, just as Doyoung entered the kitchen, coming to your rescue.

“Speak of the devil,” his mom noted affectionately, as she loaded the full trays into the oven.

“Cookies?” Doyoung’s eyes glinted hopefully. His hair was still damp from the shower, dripping and leaving wet droplets on his plain white t-shirt.

“Yes, in about fifteen minutes,” she confirmed. “You can wait that long, right?”

“Oh,” Doyoung moaned, “I don’t know. I can feel my life escaping from me as we speak.” He collapsed at the kitchen table behind you, falling onto the chair as he pretended to faint. You chuckled at his antics, reaching over to ruffle his still-wet hair adoringly. You caught his mother looking over at the two of you fondly, and you smiled, a little self-conscious. 

It felt more natural than you’d imagined, being cute and cozy with Doyoung in this false relationship. You supposed your friendship was a little more affectionate than you realised. Now that you thought about it, there was a certain tenderness that was common between the two of you - aside from the constant snipping and bickering, that was.

You’d never considered that you could be suited to a life outside the city, but the longer you spent in the charming countryside, the more ideal it felt. On your second morning of your winter break, you and Doyoung had donned your warmest winter gear (hats, scarves, and gloves included) and set out on a walk down the rustic lanes that your best friend had once called home. Though there were no eyes on you, and logically you didn’t have to keep up your fake-dating pretence in these hidden moments, shared only by you and Doyoung, the two of you held hands as you ambled down the snow-covered roads. It was an unspoken act, and one that felt strangely comfortable and oddly natural. You didn’t accredit too much thought to it; best friends could hold hands, if they wished to.

“We’re almost there,” Doyoung told you, after a short time of walking.

You tilted your head in confusion. “Where?” You hadn’t thought you were walking with any specific location in mind - you’d assumed the pair of you were meandering through the countryside with no direction.

“You’ll see,” was all he said, leaving you wondering.

Not long later, Doyoung directed you towards an opening in the shrubbery at the side of the lane, maneuvering himself over a stile before helping you over. The field you found yourself in was empty, the normally green meadow blanketed in completely untouched white. The only thing standing in the field, other than you and Doyoung was an old, rather dilapidated-looking barn. You imagined it once blazed a beautiful scarlet, although the years and the weather had chipped and faded its coat, leaving it a patchy maroon.

“Who does this belong to?” you asked, reclaiming Doyoung’s hand as you approached the barn together.

“I don’t know,” Doyoung countered. “Nobody, I think. It’s been abandoned as long as I can remember.”

“It’s a little creepy,” you commented apprehensively.

“Don’t worry, there aren’t any ghosts,” Doyoung mocked you, although it was devoid of any cruelty.

The door creaked as Doyoung pushed it open, and you didn’t entirely trust it not to fall completely off its hinges. The interior of the barn was a dark contrast to the stark white of the winter wonderland outside, although some sunlight filtered through the gaps in the wooden structure.

“Welcome to my secret clubhouse,” Doyoung introduced you. Your hands fell apart, as Doyoung left your side to venture to the back of the dwelling, finding a rickety swing that hung from the rafters, constructed of two pieces of rope and a plank of wood. He sat on it, swinging lightly and you were surprised to find that it managed to support his weight.

“How many of your romantic conquests have you brought here before me?” you teased, examining his hangout.

“You’re the first.”

The barn wasn’t particularly exciting, but there was a certain buzz to be derived from gaining a little bit of insight to Doyoung’s past. The floors of the building were no longer lined with hay, but dirt and dust, featuring intermittent weeds and plants. A tree had reached its spindly branches inside the structure, intertwining itself with the beams and pillars. You perched yourself atop an old stool that was sitting amid the weeds and rubble.

“Did you put that swing up yourself?” you asked, eyeing its stability.

“Yep,” Doyoung confirmed. “All by myself. I climbed right up into the rafters to fasten it.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t hurt yourself,” you remarked. The barn was a rather significant height, and it can’t have been safe for a young boy to scale the wooden bones of the building, likely aided by the serpentine branches of the oak tree. 

“When I was a kid I thought I was superman,” Doyoung said, and you could see him reminiscing internally. You watched, captivated, as he looked around the tattered old barn which was clearly a sentimental place for him. He was beautiful, your best friend. Eyes that shined, dark as the night; a nose that sloped almost perfectly; pink lips that looked best when smiling. Though the winter was a cold one, your heart was warmed by your love for Doyoung. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, simply existing together without any demand or pressure to make unnecessary conversation.

“We should get back home,” Doyoung spoke after a while, standing and stretching. “My mom is making hotpot for lunch.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” you said with enthusiasm. Spending time with your best friend, taking walks through the beautiful countryside, and being fed homemade dishes for every meal. This Christmas holiday may just be the best thing to ever happen to you.

Christmas morning came much more swiftly than you expected. The homely atmosphere of the cottage, the domestic haven where Doyoung spent his youth, felt like a sweet sanctuary that existed outside of the linear flow of time. Early morning walks down dew-covered lanes gave way to plentiful lunches that you savoured, which morphed into homely afternoons that eased into sleepy evenings around the fireplace. It was the sweet retreat you hadn’t realised you’d needed, and you were remarkably upset that you had to return to the city the following day.

“I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll put this to good use,” you grinned at Mrs Kim as you handed over the Christmas present you’d brought her. She unwrapped the parcel, although the shape didn’t quite leave room for a discreet gift, to reveal a bottle of red wine.

“I’m sure I’ll find some way to use this,” she responded, a teasing twinkle in her eye as you shared a laugh together. 

“Y/N,” Doyoung spoke, handing you a small box wrapped in festive paper. “Here.” He was already wearing the watch you had gifted him with. You peeled back the wrapping, opening the box to find a delicate silver necklace, hanging from it a shining silver jewel. It looked expensive; you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a real diamond.

“Wow,” you gasped, at a complete loss for words.

“Let me put it on you,” Doyoung offered, and you let him. 

“It’s beautiful,” you smiled at him. “Thank you.” He smiled back sincerely.

Doyoung’s mother reached under the Christmas tree, bringing out two identically wrapped packages, square-shaped and squishy. “You kids open your presents together; I made them matching for you.”

You tore into the paper, opening the bundle to reveal a mass of knitted wool, soft and burgundy. You lifted it up to reveal a beautiful, intricate Christmas sweater - and noticed that Doyoung was holding an identical one.

“They’re so beautiful, Mrs Kim,” you complimented her, a little starstruck; though you knew Mrs Kim had handcrafted them, they looked like they were bought from a shop. They were of the most perfect quality, and looked splendidly snug and cozy.

“Yeah, thanks Mom,” Doyoung added, admiring the material. He waited until she looked away, taking a sip of her hot cocoa, before turning to you and muttering “Matching Christmas sweaters?” accompanied by a fake gag. You looked away, finding it almost impossible to stifle the giggle that bubbled up within you. They were beautiful, and you were endlessly grateful for the homemade gift, but Doyoung’s comment had amused you.

Mrs Kim looked at you with a knowing expression, and you couldn’t help but wonder if she’d noticed the exchange.

“Now you know I wasn’t kidding about my mom’s homemade cooking,” Doyoung said as he worked on the mountain of dishes in the sink.

“You really weren’t,” you agreed, stood next to him with a towel to dry the porcelain. You typically weren’t such a big fan of turkey, but something about the way Mrs Kim cooked it meant that it was surprisingly delicious. You had gone back for several helpings of the meal, encouraged by Doyoung’s mother, who seemed to derive pleasure from keeping people well-fed.

“I need a nap,” Doyoung declared, and you shared his experience of full-stomach sleepiness.

The pair of you finished up in the kitchen, and moved to the living room where Doyoung’s mother had relocated.

“Ah!” she stopped you in the doorway, before you could enter. “Look.”

You followed her pointed finger, to the green sprigs hanging in the archway. Mistletoe. Doyoung gave an awkward chuckle.

“Mistletoe for the lovers,” his mother chortled gleefully.

Doyoung captured you in his embrace, and your heart began to beat a little faster - was he really going to kiss you? You closed your eyes as he moved into you, and felt his lips peck your forehead. You smiled, before pulling him in for a kiss on the lips. In the spirit of Christmas. Doyoung’s eyes widened, and you laughed as his mother cheered. You followed her into the living room, making yourself comfortable on the couch that had no right being as cozy as it was. Doyoung’s cheeks were still red when he joined you, taking a seat on the couch alongside you.

The television was on, playing some old Christmas movie you vaguely recognised but had never seen. You brought your legs up onto the couch, snuggling into Doyoung’s side and nestling in further when he wrapped his arm around you. The film was already halfway through, and you were too sleepy to pay attention. It wasn’t long before you began nodding off to sleep, and you knew Doyoung was doing the same. Comfortable and relaxed, you let it happen, easing into a well-deserved nap with your best friend. Just as you fell into the unconscious, you sensed Doyoung’s mother draping a blanket over you both, and you smiled gratefully before letting yourself go.

“Taxi’s here!” Doyoung announced from his point of watch at the front door.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving already,” Doyoung’s mother pouted.

You agreed with a sad smile. “It was wonderful to meet you, Mrs Kim,” you bid her goodbye as Doyoung took your luggage out to the car.

“Beautiful Y/N,” she smiled back at you, taking your hands in her own. “Tell me the truth here.”

You blinked, surprised at her direct request. “Of course.”

“You and Doyoung aren’t really dating, are you?”

“I-”

“It’s okay, my love,” she reassured you. “Don’t worry about it. That Doyoung, he’ll do anything if he thinks it’ll please me.”

“He’s a good boy,” you commented, to which Mrs Kim nodded in agreement. “But how did you know?” You’d thought you’d given a pretty convincing show.

“Nothing gets past me,” she responded, her eyes glinting. “Listen. Doyoung’s partner or not, I can tell that you’re important to him. And for that, you’ll always be a member of this family. You’re always welcome in this home, Y/N.”

You swallowed back tears, touched by her warm words, and by how genuine they were. “Thank you, Mom.”

The older lady pulled you in for a hug, just as Doyoung called out to you, “Y/N, we gotta go.”

“You have my number, right?” Mrs Kim checked, and you nodded. “And keep that cookie recipe safe - three generations old, that is!”

“Of course,” you assured her, retreating to the taxi as Doyoung said his goodbyes to her.

“Come back soon, you two!” 

“We will,” you and Doyoung promised her in unison.

Settled in the back of the taxi, you heaved a sigh. It had been a beautiful holiday period, but part of you was happy to be returning to the security of your own home. And an even bigger part of you was relieved to drop the act of being Doyoung’s partner.

Doyoung looked at you, a tired look in his eyes. “Y/N, I love you so much-”

“But we could never date,” you completed his statement, sensing its direction.

“Never,” agreed Doyoung with a laugh. 

The two of you were much better off as friends. It would be a lie to say you’d never wondered what it would be like if your relationship ever happened to cross that boundary, but you were sated by the lesson you’d learned over the last week. Your relationship was platonic, and was destined to remain that way. That didn’t mean your relationship was any less significant than that of a romantic couple, though. Doyoung was your family. And you were beyond lucky to have found him.

[blushing-starker]

don't expect that line I previously mentioned because I'm chaotic and forgot about @starkerfestivals amazing omegaverse week since it goes hand in hand with finals and my brain only fit one of these events in my mental planner

Today's theme is heat/rut and it's slightly nff, has some sexual teasing but nothing too explicit. I'd rate this teen, is all I'm saying. I apologize for any writing mistakes, I'm finishing this at 11pm before collapsing in my bed.

Tagging @vaguekiwi cuz I mentioned this to her today

Needy little alpha

------------

Tony wakes up to a purring alpha throwing himself on top of his defenseless body with the force of a freight train driven by a drunk man on drugs. Peter's been told a thousand times before how yes, he may be as heavy as a goddamn feather, but it still aches when that super strength plops down and refuses to let the victim's lungs function adequately. But his boyfriend is a sadist who loves cuddles and making Tony suffer.

"No."

"You love my cuddles," it's true, they bring him pain and purple bruises everywhere but there's nothing quite as soothing as a content alpha kneading like a kitten at his chest, " and you know it. "

"Uh, that's false. Never said I love cuddles. I tolerate your octopus habits, there's a difference." Peter leans back with a pout and teary eyes, wobbles that God forsaken bottom lip like he always does whenever Tony denies the kid something and presents a challenge.

Nimble fingers slide up into, unfortunately, silver hair and nonononono that's unfair. He snarls, tries to infuse the air with as many displeased pheromones as possible so Peter can take a hint when nails scratch right above his nape and Tony's done. Unravels at this hobgoblin's feet and he's half way sure his soul goes out in a huff as little circles are pressed into the exact spot that causes him so much neck pain.

Peter unashamedly preens when Tony melts into their bed and starts pawing at him for more cuddles. "Say you love my cuddles and I won't leave the bed for an hour. Throw in a kiss and I'll rub your back."

He hates(loves) this kid. Hates(loves) how he sing songs as soon as the situation doesn't favour the actually responsible adult in the relationship. Hates(loves) the way Peter never misses the places that leave him sinking into fluffy pillows. Hates how, oh that's nice.

There are tiny kisses littered on a chest glowing blue, small indentations from teasing lips pressed into spread arms and cold hands.

"Ruts gotten you needy, huh, little alpha?" Not that this one was any different from all the other ruts they've shared since dating. Tony secretly adores Peter like this, extra affectionate the minute his shyness and fear of outside criticism is washed away, replaced with the need to shower his omega in love and attention. Yes, Peter has his heart 365 days of the year. Yes, he'd die for his tiny spiderling no matter what.

But this is just really nice, ok? Previous lovers were rarely alphas so this ritual of gluing their bodies together when rut came was an added benefit to being with Peter. That and the hormones he let out while happy soothed Tony to no end.

Peter nips at his finger, still a bit too early on for him to accept the nicknames. He blushes though, a pale pink highlighting a face much more lovely than the cherubs painted on the cathedrals of Rome. Jesus, he's whipped and all they've done is cuddle.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

"I love your cuddles. Cherish them. Want them every day for the rest of my life. But I love you, my needy little alpha with a fantastic," there's a pillow smashed against his face.

"If you say dick, I'm climbing down to wrestle Bucky and I won't let Karen record it for your spank bank. " Oh, that's a low blow.

He relaxes, let's Peter sink into him with a startled yelp, rolls them over, sits on the kid's lap and clamps his knees around a trim waist. Peter may be Spider-Man, but he's Tony Stark and Tony Stark doesn't lose in bed.

Well. Not unless he wants to.

"You do that and you can say hello to your toy, the one I know is stashed in your old room under the bed in a comic book box, because that'll be the only thing helping you out when the rut really hits." Will Tony suffer immensely if that happens? Yes. He's a sucker for a needy Peter being ridiculously horny and possessive. Thing is, you don't threaten a man's spank bank. No sir. Everything else is fair play. His carefully organized folders of viewing material are not to be messed with.

Peter's blush is on full blast, spreads over a long neck and absolutely delicious, no. Be strong, Tony.

"You know about the toy?" It's a squeak, normal voice rocketing upwards thanks to the position Tony's ass is in and the knowledge that his secret is out. Which wasn't even a secret to begin with anyway because Tony is in love with the only genius not smart enough to erase his browser history in the lab's computer. Which Tony uses. Routinely. Every day.

"Know about it? I've seen it. You left it out once, all used up on your bed while you were showering. You remember that, don't you? We had sex in the bathroom that day. Bruised my back and everything?"

Peter furrows his brow, works a plush lip and no, look away, Tony, look away. The kid is sin and indulgence and heaven and no.

"Oh. Oh." Whenever he thinks his boy can't go any redder, Peter busts out a new shade of pink.

"Yup. So. I'm pretty sure this is what you wanted in the first place. Maybe it wasn't your intention," he stresses when Peter's already launching up and nearly throwing him off in an attempt to reassure Tony that wasn't his purpose with the cuddles, "but you certainly wouldn't have minded this outcome. And by this outcome I mean my incredible ass on top of that fantastic dick."

Peter tries to suffocate with a pillow held over his face.

"You've got two choices, kid. You threatened the spank bank. The teasing is fine, you know I love when my pretty kitty shows his claws," a hand slaps his arm, makes him grin, " But threatening such an integral part of my mental stability? Wrong move, Queens. You aren't getting any until tonight, not even so much as a French kiss will be given. Unless you let me bite a mark on that amazing neck and don't push me away when I nuzzle you in front of the team. "

Well. Now he's definitely being thrown off of Peter's lap.

He lands on the other side of the bed with a groan, is assaulted by a whining Peter intent on receiving something to further postpone the urge for sex that's sure to hit him soon enough.

An alpha, Tony's learned, will usually be very cuddly and affectionate the first few days of a rut week. Then the possessive, protective side will slowly emerge. Nests of pillows, couch cushions, blankets and favorite pieces of clothing appear on the fourth sunrise. The next morning comes with the need for relief, for intimacy and a marathon of sex that'll leave any supersoldier exhausted by the end of it. The resulting days offer comfort, an aftercare of sorts, where the alpha and their partner show a soft affection similar to the beginning. Nests are utilized and bodies soothed. It lasts, at most, a week and the majority of the population only has to take slightly increased portions of food.

That's for people without the metabolism of four grown men.

Peter needs sex, as much as possible, so the itch for urgent intimacy doesn't result in Tony tackled to the floor of the lab in the middle of an experiment every day of the week. It's like giving him nicotine patches instead of a cigarette.

So now he's whimpering, tugging on Tony's clothes just a little too hard if the ripping sound is any indication.

"...sorry, Tony..."

"It's fine, I've got more. I'm not letting this go though. The teams' seen us fuck against a wall, their opinion and respect, your worth, didn't change. So come on. Just one little mark. One. And Bucky nuzzles Steve and Sam all the time. Hell, Pepper sometimes nuzzles me when I'm stressed out. Please, baby? "

There it was; Tony's secret weapon. Peter blushed like a virgin on a wedding night whenever he used pet names, but the genius knows his boyfriend enjoys the familiarity and subtle intimacy. Felt reassured that they were a romantic couple and not a mentor fucking his protege.

The kid nibbles at his neck, wraps gangly limbs around a body that's always been his to take comfort in. "Just one mark? And light, I mean it, Tony, light nuzzling in front of the team. For today. Then I can get what I want?"

He snorts, can't fully comprehend how the universe paired him up with someone so intent on making Tony's joints ache and creak. "Yeah, we can have sex later, Mr Charming. Subtle as brick, that Spider-Man. Let's go get you cleaned up, make sure that rut has a hard time getting my boy under the weather."

He goes to get up. He leans forward. He cannot, in fact, leave the bed.

Peter bites with a bit more pressure, drops his hips down harder and Jesus Christ, they're never seeing the light of the kitchen if his boyfriend can't wait til it's dark.

"Or..."

"I'm an old man, I need protein before you go jumping tired bones that have to spend two hours updating your suit." Ok, so maybe he's slightly bitter and annoyed at not having enough stamina (or refractory period, for that matter) to keep up with a repressed teenage superhuman. It's not his fault Pepper keeps bringing Krispy Kreme donuts to the office meetings.

It'd be rude not to eat with the others anyway.

"You don't have to do anything." Ah, it's one of those ruts.

Tony softens, smoothes a hand down a back that could hold a plank under a five story building with ease, kisses a heated cheek.

"Needy little alpha." It's his turn to whisper and nuzzle against soft skin.

"Kind, not so little omega?" Tony laughs, presses their lips together so Peter can see what's it like to taste a smile radiating with joy and love. Slowly clicks the button on the nearest nightstand; unless someone is dying , it'll just be the two of them in the room.

(There was an incident once. Groot may have been traumatized by a situation involving superstrength, webs and the Ironette costume Tony only adored when it adorned Peter's body.)

"I do so love my needy little alpha needing me, don't I?"

His boyfriend blinks, grins at Tony as if he's just hung the moon and stars for his spiderling and ok, a little sex early in the morning isn't that bad.

"You love my cuddles too."

"Shut up and kiss me, Queens. I'm not getting any-"

They don't talk about anything too important after that.

----------

A little sex early in the morning actually is that bad when you miss a meeting with the U.N and show up smelling like sex, infatuation and, oddly enough, strawberry.

Rocket doesn't stop teasing for months.

[koushisatori]

Anniversary

First of all: If you happen to stumble across this, please cut me some slack and be gentle with me. English is not my mother tongue, and on top of that, I got rusty by procrastinating everything (literally) for the last half-year (*μ_μ) I am apologizing in advance if something is weirdly written.

This is also my first ever piece of fanfiction, so I have to get used to that to :(( So if you got ideas or anything, I’ll gladly try to fulfill your wishes to simultaneously improve my writing.

Hmm, is there anything else? I hope not, and if there is, I’ll add it !! 

tendou x f!reader

genre: small bit of angst, fluff

warnings: none

word count: 2.7k

note: /

__________________________________________________________

usually, your relationship with Tendou is smooth sailing, both of you decided to take the step of moving in together relatively early, exceeding the common couples limit by not only doing this barely a year into your relationship but doing so in a different country far from your family and friends

(both of you learning french together to survive a new life in an absolutely foreign country...however, the first months of grocery shopping were disastrous ) 

you both became a couple in your last year at Shiratorizawa, surprising absolutely....well,...no one, honestly

every person just seeing a moment of your interactions with each other would have guessed that you already were dating

Tendou and you were the embodiment of being disgustingly in love - like people see you and feel  s i n g l e wanting to have what you two obviously found with the other

(SemiSemi, to this day, shudders violently thinking about how he caught you two making out in the storage room a week after Tendou finally confessed to you <3) 

anyway

while Tendou followed his dream of becoming a chocolatier, you began to study - enter: stress

after finishing his required training he got a job at a high-class factory (everything his handmade and super expensive?? You’re just so lucky to be his better half and get to taste his creations for free)

they value his skills and invest in him to become better, but that also means that his time for you shrank even more

you understood that, of course, and it's not like you didn’t spend a lot of your times crouching over books either with being close to receiving your first degree

in general, your fights are stressed-induced, and as quickly forgotten as they came up bc...let’s not beat around the bush, both of you are shit at staying mad at the other, especially if it means cutting short the already sparse time you currently have <3

they’re usually about petty stuff, too

recently though it happens more regularly and they ever so slowly started to border on painful

he stays at work for longer to perfect his already otherworldly skills; and your patience is running thin with all the deadlines and exams putting immense pressure on you

both of you are just so unsatisfied and stressed and...so fucking tired

it’s always forgivable though

you don’t mind planned dinner dates turning into movie nights with him falling asleep on you after what feels like seconds

because he’s there, pressing his face into your side or stomach hard enough for you to wonder if he’s trying to suffocate himself, while his long arms are around your waist holding onto you as if his life depends on it

he doesn’t mind being splayed across your lap watching the latest episodes of his series while you type away on your laptop, even though you were supposed to enjoy a nice weekend lazying in front of the tv with him 

a forgotten date hasn’t killed you yet as well, but the amount of times it was currently happening allowed insecurities to have their way with you

both of you always make up for it one way or another (leaving an apology breakfast or even taking it to bed, buying flowers, sharing the sweet kisses you were supposed to enjoy the night before,...) 

but this time, he didn’t just forget to be on time for any date.

he completely missed your anniversary

you spend the whole afternoon cooking his favorite dish for dinner, making yourself all pretty for him, wearing the jewelry he got you for your birthday, it was some kind of tradition by now

just to be stood up, dinner turning cold and your mood sour

no message, no callback

around 11pm he - finally ! - gets in touch with you 

‘‘(Y/N)!! Bunny, did something happen? Did you miss me so much?’’

you could hear the dopey grin he was wearing while teasing you, one you usually loved, one that was contagious

but it didn’t help the pain and disappointment nesting in your heart, right now

he really didn’t remember

was the date so insignificant to him? were you no longer a priority?

you swallow around the lump in your throat, desperately begging your brain to not amplify your insecurities even more

‘’No...it’s...it’s alright, I just wanted to know when you’re home...’’ your attempt to keep the doubts and pain you experienced that second hidden was pointless, because even on the phone, your boyfriend was able to look right through you

‘‘Bunny what’s wrong?’’ he asks worriedly

normally you’d say that it was alright, that you’d speak later or directly say what was bugging you so terribly

this time...you didn’t feel like talking or maybe even fighting, scared that he might confirm your thoughts and leave you

‘’It’s nothing, Tendou,...’’ you hear him wince, you can’t remember the last time you called him that ’’don’t bother with me if it’s not as important to you.’’ 

‘‘Not as...’’ a moment of silence follows, in which he checked the date and, lastly, Tendou understood ‘’Oh. Oh shit, (Y/N),...Bunny, please, wait for me, please, let me explain...’‘

It’s not the answer you wanted (on the other hand, what answer would that be?)

‘‘I waited...and I’m tired,’‘ you add without thinking, hanging up before he even got the chance to answer

while you don’t want things to end...you can’t help but think ‘what if?’ - that thought alone though is enough for the dams to burst

With a soft groan, you blink your burning eyes open, noticing your spine protesting and pop from the uncomfortable position you fell asleep in. A glance at the alarm clock elicited another tired groan, the 4 on display mocking you. 

The burning and overall sluggish feeling controlling your body immediately reminded you of the things that had taken place. That his scent surrounding you arose solely due to his pillow in which you had pressed your face.

While you obviously weren’t on the best of terms right now, a small part of you was still hopeful and reached out across the bed in search for the warmth your red-haired better half usually provided. Unsurprisingly, your hand met a cold bed half.

An annoyed sigh later, you sat up and rubbed over your eyes angrily. You were hurt, which should be understandable, but remembering his overly happy tone even with evident tiredness underlaying it, you guessed that he didn’t stay behind on purpose and that, maybe, something good had happened. So to say, you as well behaved like an idiot.

Suddenly, you remember the last sentence you said. Realizing what it implied, you felt like banging your head against the wall. You wanted to be understood by him. What you didn’t want was to give Satori the time to allow his anxious tendencies to fester while he was alone, foregoing untrue, negative ideas. The fact that he still wasn’t in bed with you, was proof enough which lead to you cursing out loud.

While your last words towards him told something differently, you surely didn’t want to leave him or him to leave you. Both of you could work things out, you always did, and…well, you always hoped that it would stay that way until you had lived a fulfilling life as a couple, with grey hair and wrinkles taking your last breath together wherever life would lead the two of you.

The simple solution was to communicate like the grown adults you are. 

Determined to talk through it the way you should have done earlier and maybe...just maybe get some cuddles afterward, you swung your legs out from under the blankets. After you quickly put on some warm, worn-out socks, you quietly leave the bedroom and tip-toe through the hallway.

You expected the apartment to be silent, to be dark. What you didn’t expect is the soft light coming from your shared kitchen. Or the clinking noises of bowls and pots colliding lightly, lowly muttered, sleepy curses, and even quieter sniffles interrupting the barrage of words from time to time.

Upon hearing those little sounds - no doubt coming from your anxious boyfriend - your heart clenched painfully in your chest. This is your injudicious doing. Straightening your back, you stepped into the kitchen, slightly squinting against the much harsher ceiling lights assaulting your eyes.

The original plan was to offer a heartfelt apology, and follow it up by an honest declaration of love and the proposal to talk about everything. There were a lot of things that needed to be cleared up between you and Tendou. But after entering the kitchen, you came to an abrupt halt.

Your eyes wandered, lingering on cuts, burns, and blisters that blemished your boyfriends' pretty fingers. Slowly, your gaze continued to move up his arms and shoulders, tensed and screaming out his fear of losing you. For a moment, you hesitated, but you eventually lifted your gaze to meet his wide eyes, as red-rimmed and puffy as yours. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Normally, you would find it adorable and stretch your hands out to cup his cheeks (not to pull him down, definitely not) and press a kiss to his lips...but right now? You really just felt like crying, seeing your Satori so heartbroken over something you said carelessly in the heat of the moment.

Suddenly wincing, Tendou quickly pulls back his hand to his chest away from the hot stove. Yet, he did not dare to break eye contact with you. Seemingly afraid that what he currently saw is nothing but a sleep-deprivation induced hallucination. That you would just vanish if he so much dared to even think of blinking.

The stupor rooting you to the spot though vanished in favor of closing the gap between the two of you to help him.

‘‘Tori...’‘ you croaked worriedly, eyes flickering down to his hands and back up to his watery, sad eyes. ‘‘I’m so sorry,’’ you whispered. Any louder and your voice might break. ’’...let me take care of you.’‘ 

You turned off the stove before you gently tugged Tendou behind you to the bathroom. Making him sit on the edge of the small tub, you gathered everything you needed to patch him up with rehearsed movements.

For a while, both of you were silent. 

You carefully worked on disinfecting cuts and putting special creams on the different wounds and burns, while not hurting him any further. Concentrating on ignoring the thick tension of untold apologies, and fear. Doubt weighing heavy on the two of you. 

Meanwhile, Tendou couldn't help but admire your features. Your soft hair - faintly smelling like peaches and anis - falling into your face, hiding away your pretty (Y/E/C) eyes. He loved to get lost in them. Or how your tongue poked out between your lips in concentration and the little scrunch of your nose when you thought that you could have done better. 

Even in this hazy state of mind, he knew for certain that he would try to hold onto you for as long as possible. That he would do anything to make you forgive him.

After you finished gently wrapping band-aids (silly ones with colorful patterns just the way you both love) around his fingers, on his palm, and back of his hand, he quickly moved them to hold onto yours.

‘‘Don’t leave me.’‘ Tendou's voice is just above a whisper, and if you wouldn't have been that close to him as you were, you would have missed it. But you could hear him, and your eyes immediately met his, filling with tears all over again.

‘‘Satori, I’m-’‘

‘‘(Y/N), please...please, don’t leave me. I’m so sorry. Of course, I care. Our relationship, you...nothing’s as important to me as you are. It was the only thing keeping me sane that last week. I don't know why I forgot about it. I truly feel horrible.'' he started. ''Please, believe me. I love you so, so much. I...I can’t imagine a life without you. I don’t want to.’’ Even with his voice quivering, it was crystal clear just how serious his words were to him. 

He needed to get it out in the open. There was no way in hell that he would allow any doubts about your relationship to fester in your mind.

‘’I was held back to talk about the upcoming Christmas preparations that I’m supposed to be leading this year, and then I was called into the boss’ office and I couldn’t check my phone,’‘ the desperation to explain still evident, Tendou resorted to rambling about the happenings of the day.

‘‘I’m sorry for hurting you, but Bunny, I beg you...I know that we haven't had enough time those last weeks, that we didn't have any if we’re honest. I understand that you must feel neglected. I will change that, give me a chance to make you forgive me, please.’‘ 

It wasn’t like you wanted to cry again, but the tears rolling down your cheeks seemed to have a mind on their own. ‘’ ‘Tori...’’ you sniffled, your voice breaking away at the last syllable. ‘’Can I hug you?’’  

The relief on his face spoke volumes, and before you even got the chance to make good on your words, he already stands tall in front of you, enveloping you tightly.

Securely wrapped up in Satoris’ arms, you feel like coming home after months away. Or like taking in the first gasp of fresh air after holding your breath underwater for too long. With Tendou holding onto you like this, you found the strength to answer.

''I'm sorry, too...I love you so much, and...I know you always have a reason, and it was childish to hang up on you and leave you worrying alone instead of talking to you. And...if you neglected me those last weeks, then I did the same. We both were too busy for each other...'' 

After a short pause, you ask: ''B-but we can work it out, right?’’ Slowly, you looked up to him. ‘’I want to spend my life with you, Satori. Don’t listen to dumb me 5 hours earlier. 5-hours-ago-me was so stupid, and petty, and does not reflect my true wishes,’’ you added. ’’No one of our old friends wanted to put up with me the last week because I’m so head over heels in love with you and all I do is tell them ‘’You should have seen what Tori did for me’’ and what I plan to do for you...I can feel them roll their eyes from the other side of the world!’’

Suddenly aware of your very honest words, you pushed your face against his chest to hide your burning cheeks. Embarrassment painting them in a pretty hue of pink. 

Tendou hadn't realized that he had actually held his breath listening to your words until he chuckled a bit breathlessly. The remaining tension possessing both of your bodies faded away after that, allowing you to relish in the feeling of having the other in your arms again.

After a while, you bravely gazed up at him again, even with your cheeks still set ablaze. ''Come to bed?'' And with a sweet smile, one that reached his eyes and made your heart stutter, he nodded. 

Things between the two of you weren't ideal quite yet, Tendou kknew that much. But they would be. Tomorrow would be a new day. You would hopefully agree to celebrate your anniversary a day later. He hoped, that you would agree to spend it with him from the first second you woke up to the very last before you fell asleep. You will hopefully enjoy the news that his promotion was topped with holidays that allowed you to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with your families in Japan.

He also hoped for you to say yes when, surrounded by your friends, he would ask you to marry him under the Cherry Blossoms in spring.

Things weren't quite ideal, but watching your peaceful expression while sleeping on his chest, he knew, all the up and downs were worth powering through. He would embrace every hardship if that meant keeping you by his side forever.

[s-horne]

Stony and maybe superfamily au, when tony died he became a star(a star like a god or celestial being of a star) and can only come to vist at night. It's bittersweet, but steve and peter are always glad to see him.

7.30pm

“You ready, kid?”

Steve closed his book and put it down on the table at the end of the couch. He looked over to see Peter standing in the doorway, dressed in his pyjamas and swiping at his eyes.

Steve had the urge to bundle his son into a hug and hold him close, to try and hide him away from the pain of the world as though he were a young, inexperienced child.

“Yeah.” Peter’s voice was rough with sleep. Even though it had been years, there were times when Steve still couldn’t get used to hearing Peter’s deep voice. Peter was still a child to him. He shouldn’t have a deep, low voice like an adult. He was too young to be an adult. “You?”

“Yeah. Blankets are in the car already and the coffee is just about ready.”

“Awesome. Want me to grab your coat?”

Steve heaved himself off the couch with a groan. “Please. And I had a sweater somewhere.”

“By the door already. The blue jeep?”

“No, black. Your–,” Steve paused and coughed. “We’ll take your dad’s.”

“Right. Sick. Can I drive?”

Steve snorted. “Not a chance, kid. I’ll drive. You can pick the music.”

A deep sigh left Peter, but his lips curved upwards anyway. “Fine. Guess that’s a fair trade.”

“Go get your coat,” Steve said with a fond roll of his yes. “You terror.”

 *

9.00pm

It wasn’t a long drive out of the city, from where they’d moved. They tried to make it once a month, battles permitting, just to wait and see if their star would appear. More often than not, it didn’t, and Steve and Peter would wake up huddled together on their picnic blanket with empty flasks of coffee and snack wrappers at their sides, hearts just as hollow.

“Usual spot?” Steve asked, heaving two portable chairs from the jeep’s trunk and slinging them over his shoulder.

Peter gave him a scornful look. “Like we’d ever go anywhere else.”

They’d picked their spot after many months of deliberation. For the first year, they had visited the countryside nearly every two days, checking out different spots to see which gave them the clearest sight of a completely uninterrupted night sky. They’d decided on the clearing at the top of the second hill around the first of Tony’s birthdays that they’d had to celebrate without him.

It was the most beautiful spot; lush and green in the summer and wonderfully frosty in the winter. When it was bitterly cold and snowing, they didn’t stay out all night long, going back a few times a month instead of just once and huddling around a small camp fire.

Despite the bitter temperatures, the winter sky was Steve’s favourite. It was so much darker, a deep, almost shining black that stretched with no end in sight. The stars that shone were like specks of glitter, standing indifferently but able to be connected to a neighbour to create bold outlines of famous constellations.

It made sense that Tony was among them, Steve thought. Not for the first time, either. It was one of his most common thoughts when he just sat back and stared up above him.

*

10.15pm

“Reckon he’ll come out tonight?” Peter asked, hands wrapped tightly around his flask of coffee. He had taken his coat off, but had a thick blanket draped over his shoulders. His shoes were off already and his socked feet shuffled on the picnic blanket.

“I don’t know.” Steve wishes he had a way of predicting when Tony would appear for them, but science had always been his husband’s thing. Not his. “Sorry, kid.”

Peter shrugged as he reached into his bag, fishing around for a bit before removing a bag of Cheetos with a triumphant cry.

“No worries. Hey, did I tell you about my meeting at SHIELD on Wednesday? No? Right, so, Ms. Hill was there with…”

*

11.42pm

Peter had fallen asleep somewhere around the 11pm mark, his hands clutching a bag of Twizzlers and his face half-obstructed by the cover for his foldable chair. The sight left a smile permanently etched on Steve’s face.

The wind had started to pick up a little, but Steve was content to stay there, watching. Waiting. Keeping guard over his boys as he waited ever so patiently for his love to return to him. He had time.

All the time in the world.

*

1.00am

“Oh!” Peter cried suddenly, voice a little hoarse with sleep. “We missed it. Crap, sorry!” Peter threw himself at Steve, hugging him tightly. “Damn, was I asleep? I was, wasn’t I?”

Steve chuckled softly, holding Peter tight. “Don’t worry, kid. You needed it.”

Peter pulled back slowly. “Happy birthday,” he said, looking at Steve as he sat back into his own chair. “I hope you get everything you want. I didn’t bring your present out here. Thought we could go out for dinner tonight and I’ll give it to you then.”

Putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder, Steve nodded. “Thanks, Pete. But you’re here with me right now so, I’m good.”

*

1.14am

“Snap!”

Steve laughed at the outrage on Peter’s face.

“That was mine,” Peter cried, reaching for the pile of cards that Steve took for himself.

“You wish,” Steve snorted, whipping them out of Peter’s grasp. “You’ll have to be quicker than that, Spidey-boy.”

Peter’s eyes narrowed and he leant forward, Tony’s fierce determination written all over his face. “Bring it, old man.”

* 

2.23am

Steve reached down and gently pushed some of Peter’s hair away from his face. When Peter’s nose screwed up and he batted the hand away as though it were a pest, Steve laughed.

“I tried to be nice,” he said before he dug his toes into the soft flesh below Peter’s ribs.

Peter squealed and rolled to his side, eyes suddenly wide open.

“Oh, my God. What’s happening? Are we being attacked?” Peter sat up, looking around him. There was a red patch on his cheek where he’d been lying on the rough material of the chair cover and his hair was a mess.

Steve wished his baby wasn’t so damn old.

“No, you stupid boy. Wake up. You might want to see this.”

In an instant, Peter spun around and almost gave himself whiplash as he threw his head backwards to stare up at the sky.

“Where – I can’t, wait. No, I can’t see it. Can you – oh.”

Peter’s voice trailed off, sounding a little choked up and Steve could sympathise.

“I take it you’ve found him?”

Steve had. It had been almost a year since Steve had last seen Tony’s star, but there he was. Brighter than Steve had remembered, but just as big and as attention-grabbing as Tony had been in real life.

“Hey, dad,” Peter whispered and Steve felt his heart constrict and then grow twice its size. “Good to see you.”

They lapsed into silence, both of them staring up at the sky with equal looks of awe written across their faces. Memories of their time together flooded Steve’s brain; pictures of them laughing at the camera, snapshots of Peter with Tony throughout their lives, from child through to teenager. It pained Steve that he would never have a new sight to commit to memory. 

Soon, the memories got too much for him and he felt like he was drowning. His heart was almost too big for his chest and he felt as though he were about to explode. 

“Tony,” he murmured, relief and love hitting him all at once. “God, how I’ve missed you.”

Tony’s star seemed to shine brighter somehow, sending rays of light into a wide circle around itself. 

“I didn’t know if I’d see you tonight. I hoped, just like I hope every night.”

Beside him, Peter was quiet. Steve knew that he had a raft of things to tell Tony. Even though they had had a small memorial garden set up for Tony shortly after his funeral, it was always a different feeling to speak to Tony’s star. It wasn’t quite Tony himself, but it was close enough.

“You look beautiful, Tony,” Steve said, leaning back in his chair and drinking in his fill of his husband. “So, so beautiful.”

“He’s bright,” Peter commented. His voice sounded a little choked up. “Brighter than last time.”

“He’s making up for the months he missed.” Steve reached out without looking and curled his hand over Peter’s shoulders. “Was just storing up all of his strength.”

“I missed him. Miss him.”

“I know, kid.” Steve didn’t even want to blink, didn’t want to look away from Tony for even half a second. “I miss him as well. But we still have a piece of him. However small.”

*

4.56 am

“–and so that’s why Carol isn’t allowed in the accounts department of SHIELD.”

Steve had heard the story a hundred times in a hundred different retellings by a hundred different people, but he chuckled nonetheless. It was the way that Peter told it that really got to him; the way that he went off on small tangents and spoke in such a way that was entirely reminiscent of Tony. 

Peter’s voice was nearly hoarse with talking for however long straight. It was clear that he was making the most of having Tony around, even high in the sky and thousands of lightyears away. 

Suddenly, Peter yawned widely. “Man, I’m not as young as I was,” he said, stretching his arms up over his head and wincing. 

Snorting, Steve rolled his neck. “You’re not the only one.” He didn’t have much to show for his old age, but he felt it. He felt even older whenever he noticed how old Peter was or when it hit him that yet another year had passed without Tony by his side. 

“Oh, I never told dad about Rhodey! Right, so get this,” Peter said, turning away from Steve and settling back down on the picnic blanket, looking up at the sky again. His eyes found Tony’s star easily and he sunk into his tale, face animated and hands flying through the air to punctuate his story. 

It was another tale that Steve had already heard, but he was more than content to lie back and let Peter’s voice wash over him. Life, in that moment, was very close to perfect. As perfect as it would ever be again.

*

5.28am

The sun had started to rise. It was the moment they’d been dreading all night – or, well, morning. Soon, Tony would fade into the bright sky, his light blending in with the yellows and oranges that would streak across the cloudless horizon.

“That was longer than last time, right?” Peter asked, voice quiet and a little broken. “Seemed to go a lot quicker, though.”

“Yeah.” Steve didn’t turn his head, choosing instead to continue looking up at his favourite star until he could see it no more. He knew his eyes would start to burn as the sun got higher and higher, but he couldn’t bear to look away. “It did.”

Lapsing into silence again, they listened instead to the dawn chorus and the breeze picking up through the trees behind them. They knew they only had around two more minutes before the sun rose fully and the stars were no longer visible.

“He’ll still be there, won’t he?”

Steve smiled despite the lump in his throat. “Of course he will. He’s always there. You just can’t see him.”

“Can talk to him, though.”

“Course.”

The sky was alight with colour. White faded into a pale yellow, which in turn shone into a deep orange and blended out until eventually the sky was finally blue.

“Goodnight,” Steve couldn’t stop himself from whispering, not caring how his voice broke. Peter sniffed beside him and Steve noticed out of the corner of his eye how Peter turned away and busied himself with tidying up. “Goodbye, sweetheart. I’ll see you again. Soon.”

There was a warmth that flowed through Steve and he knew that it had nothing to do with the rising sun. It went from his head to his heart and right down to his toes, flooding his body with a happiness he knew came from only one place.

Despite his very best efforts, there was a sadness there, too. As beautiful as the effect was, the light that the new dawn cast meant that the stars were entirely eclipsed.

No more Tony.

*

6.15am

There was no point in staying there for any longer, but Steve couldn��t find it in himself to move. Even with Tony was gone from view, Steve still had Peter and a flask of almost-warm coffee left to drink.

“Another game of cards, Pete?”

“Sure.” Peter yawned so widely he nearly swallowed his head and Steve laughed loudly. “Oi! You may laugh, but I’m still awake enough to whip the pants off you.”

Steve snorted and shuffled to the edge of his chair, gesturing at the pack on the picnic blanket as Peter swivelled around to find it. “Prove it.”

*

6.59am

“What’s the rules about eating sugar for breakfast?”

Steve chuckled, not opening his eyes as he heard Peter rummaging around in one of their bags. “You’re an adult now, kiddo. Pretty sure I can’t tell you off for eating Twizzlers before 10am anymore. You’re in charge of your own teeth. Use your discretion wisely.”

“Right. Well, in which case, I’m using my discretion to say happy birthday.”

Steve peeked out of one eye, laughing and sitting upright when he saw what Peter was holding out to him. A chocolate cake clearly designed for only two people, twice the size of a single cupcake and no more. There was some lopsided icing threatening to slide right off its top onto the floor and a half-tied ribbon around it.

“In hindsight,” Peter said, “I probably shouldn’t have tried to make it myself.” He shrugged and handed it over to Steve, producing a knife from somewhere. “But it’s the thought that counts. Pretty sure Dad would agree.”

Smiling, Steve swallowed, turning the cake this way and that to have a good look at it from every angle. It definitely wasn’t an even shape and it seemed to be missing part of its base, but Steve’s heart could have beaten right out of his chest at the gesture.

“I’m sure he would,” he said, looking back up at Peter and feeling his smile grow. “It’s perfect. Good use of discretion, kid.”

“Happy birthday, Pops.”

Above them, a twinkle of light shone down, a tiny fleck of white in an otherwise perfectly blue sky.

[btswishes]

What is happening here?

Monsta x (Chang Kyun-I.M)

One Shot

A/N: This one was...random. :) Hope yall like it tho and sorry for any mistakes made

Word count:  3,456

Warnings:  angst-ish, fluff

                                ---------------------------------------------------

You and Chang Kyun were dating for 3 years now and everything was going great. Having fights was normal for couples and usually it wasn’t anything serious ,so you forgot about it. Sitting on Minhyuk’s bed, you were looking at him and Wonho. The boys were eating ramen and you were having your normal bestie talk, about your bf. A few weeks ago he was invited to do a collaboration with this female solo singer named Yuna.

 Everything was totally normal, but you noticed that he had started talking on the phone late at night and panic when you would look in the direction of his phone. You trusted your boyfriend , but it was starting to worry you. It was 11pm and Wonho as the drama loving bitch he is, wanted to gossip with you

“ He just, acts so strange. I tried to ask him a few times but he runs from the topic like a demon from incense.” you sighed, running your hand through your hair uneasy

“So you think he is cheating on you with that Yuna chick?” Wonho slurped the noodles in his mouth

“Wonho!” you threw a pillow at him, but the boy dodged it like it was nothing

“Ok, let’s forget the cheating part.”Minhyuk picked his pillow from the ground and rested his elbows on it, looking at you “What has he been doing?”

“Well, he doesn’t let me see his phone. He goes out saying he is with you guys all the time, even tho you told me he wasn’t with.” you lifted your hand, counting on each finger “ He has been too busy lately, ignoring me.”

“Has he gotten laid lately?” Wonho pointed his chopsticks at you

“Wonho!” Minhyuk caught the second pillow right in time

“Stop throwing my stuff!” the boy yelled out

“I am asking, because he looks like a pretty horny dude.....and you know.”

“Are you trying to hint that just because we haven’t done it in awhile Chang Kyun is getting it from somewhere else?!” you gasped at his idea  

“Well I am obviously not hinting it.” Wonho laughed out when his fellow friend hit him on the head

“What do you think Minhyuk, since you obviously have a brain unlike someone else!” you threw Wonho a pissed off look

“I don’t want to agree with him and I am not, but I think we should just....maybe follow them.” there was a moment of silence before Wonho’s bowl made a loud sound, hitting the table

“It’s decided then.Where is he right now anyways ?”

“Guys, I made dinner.”Kihyun’s head popped in the room, interrupting the talk. Almost like a mom he lovingly called you over. When it came to his cooking, everyone was fighting to the kitchen. It was a eat or be eaten situation since Wonho and Shownu always ended up devouring everything.

 You were having fun with the boys and forgot all about that thing that had been troubling you for weeks now. It was the 7 of you, when the front door opened up and you heard foot steps. Thinking of Chang Kyun, you got up and ran towards the house entrance.

“Bab-e...” your voice hitched in your throat when you saw him holding tightly onto a woman. You couldn’t move.

“I am so sorry for bringing him home so late.” Yuna laughed out cutely as she helped him sit on the couch “ We finished work early today and we went to a bar.” her eyes pierced you together with her words “ You don’t mind, right?”

“Yeah...” laughing uneasily, the room slowly filled up with people

“You guys should have seen us, he was holding onto me so tight I couldn’t walk.” her voice was sharp and painful

“Y/N...” Hyungwon placed his hand onto your shoulder, but you threw him back a smile

“It’s ok.”you whispered. You wanted to help Chang Kyun up from the couch but he was too drunk to react and still holding onto Yuna.

“Oh dear this is so embarrassing. If you don’t mind I will bring him to his room.” right in front of your eyes she picked him up. Her hair flicking a strong sweet perfume in your face.  It didn’t take long for them to pass you. The stinging pain in your heart was balling tears on your eyes. Your lips were trembling, head not being able to look up.

“Y/N?” Minhyuk walked up to you. You couldn’t take it anymore, being strong wasn’t worth all the damage, so you threw yourself in his arms. Crashing, you started crying loud. In a matter of seconds the boys gathered around you in a panic. They knew you as a strong and independent person so this was new. After what felt like an eternity you ended up falling asleep onto Wonho as he was running his hand through your hair. You were like a little sister to him and he absolutely hated seeing you like this.

 Not being able to bare all of this as well, Minhyuk was about to go up the stair when Shownu grabbed his arm.

“What are you going to do?” he asked sternly

“I will go give him a piece of my mind.” Minhyuk hissed back

“He is dead drunk right now. I don’t like this at all too, but you are wasting your breath like this!” the oldest was right

“Hyung, he his drunk and alone with-”

“Umm sorry, am I interrupting something ?” the soft female voice pulled everyone’s attention towards the stairs “I just wanted to say that Chang Kyun went to bed and all.” the boys noticed her messed up hair and clothes. Yuna didn’t get an answered, but when she was passing by Wonho grabbed her hand. His eyes were filled with anger.

“I don’t know what you are trying to do, but stop before it gets out of hand.” he growled at her, when her eyes fell onto your sleeping figure on him.

“I don’t think you understand this situation.” she pulled her hand out of the boy’s grasp aggressively “ You people are just a part of my game. I am not here for any of you boys so sit down and be good puppies.” she flashed them a smile “Ok?”

“You!”Minhyuk walked up to her

“What are you going to do? Hit me? Try it and you take your band’s future with the punch.” Yuna was right, he knew it, everyone knew it. So many things were happening while you were resting comfortably

“How far did you go with him?” Hyungwon asked

“That is none of your business.”with a swift move she fixed her dress and walked out of the house. After which a silence followed, before Shownu’s voice cut through it like a sharp knife.

“Chang Kyun made his choice, what matters now is to make sure Y/N is not hurt.”

“Hyung...” no one could believe how deep his voice reached, his eyes burning with a strong flame

“Wonho, Minhyuk take her to your room for tonight.” The boys picked you and stopped next to their elder “ She is such a sweet girl, gave so much for him.” he ran his hand through your hair “I would die before I let him hurt her by cheating.”

 The morning sun stinged at your puffy eyes. Stretching your body you found a little note next to you.

Come down ;)

 The handwriting was obviously Kihyun’s and it pulled a giggle out of your lips. Taking the paper in your hand, you jumped off the bed and waddled innocently down the stairs. It was quiet so you tip-toed into the kitchen.

“BOO!”Jooheon popped in front of you from under the table “AH!” before hitting his head onto the wood

“Oh God!”you ran up to him “Are you ok!?”

“Damn it! You had to go and hit your head!” Hyungwon cussed out, but none the less you were laughing and that was way better than last night. Shownu pulled the chair for you and flashed you a smile as you sat down. In front of you was a big pile of pancakes and all kinds of toppings around the table. Like little diamonds you eyes glistened with happiness.

“These are so good!”your palm cupped your cheek when the soft texture hit you

“I will go grab some more syrup from the stock we have. Wait.” Jooheon stood up stepped out of the room.He was in a good mood since you seemed to be enjoying yourself a lot. On his way back with the sweet in his hand he noticed the missing member.

“Morning.” the boy waved rubbing his neck. “I smell something nice.” as he was stepping closer to the kitchen, Jooheon grabbed him by the arm “Yo, wasup?”

“Go put yourself in a presentable form!” he hissed, pulling the half-awake boy close to his face “ I don’t want to see you in this house right now.” pushing him away Chang Kyun was shaken up from the whole situation

“The fuck is wrong with you?”he asked

“Hide those things. You fucking disgust me.” Jooheon grabbed Hyungwon’s mirror from the couch and threw it at Chang Kyun

 Grabbing it mid air ,the boy took a look and his eyes widened “Wow, Y/N went crazy last night.” a chuckle escaped his lips

“Don’t even speak of her name with that dirty mouth!” Jooheon was on the verge of throwing the syrup at his band member “Y/N never even stepped in your room last night. You were out drinking with Yuna.” with out another word the boy closed the door of the kitchen behind his back, his pissed off look changing into a bright smile when he saw you.

“I think I heard Chang Kyun, did he wake up?” your puppy dog eyes looked at the boys

“Um, he went to the studio.” Jooheon mumbled

“Oh, I guess he has a lot of work today too.” you were a bit bummed out, but Minhyuk started roasting the way Hyungwon was dressed and almost in seconds you bursted out laughing. Your bestie was either super sweet or a total savage and you loved both his sides sooo much.

 After breakfast you played some games and watched 2 movies.Without knowing it lunch had creeped on everyone. Sitting on the couch you couldn’t stop thinking about your boyfriend, that maybe you were wrong and that it could all be a misunderstanding. Looking at your phone, you had the sweet idea to bring him some lunch. While everyone was busy you slid out of the house and grabbed some chicken.

 With pure and loving intentions, you were skipping in the direction of Chang Kyun’s studio. It wasn’t super far probably a 10 min walk from the dorm. You were looking at stores, checking yourself out in the windows. It didn’t take long before you laid your eyes on the familiar door. Thinking that his headphones would muffle your knocking, you let yourself in. With a smile on your face you grabbed the handle and pushed down, almost effortlessly it opened and you pocked your head in.

“Baby, I brought you lunch.”

“Y/N!”you heard him almost yell out as the door opened wide and hit the wall on the other side. Together with his voice, he saw the bag slipping through your fingers and hitting the carpet almost immediately “Listen to me!”

 Your boyfriend, Chang Kyun was on top of Yuna, arms on each of her sides. The girl didn’t make a sound, she was just staring at you innocently, her hands obviously pushing him away. Was he...was he throwing himself at her? Was it really not her fault.... You didn’t stay long for an answer and dashed out of the place in a matter of seconds. The tears rushed down your face as you were sniffling and rubbing your nose with your sleeve. Your legs carried you through the public ,without anyone noticing the situation you were in. Kicking the door to the dorm open ,you tried to run passed the boys, but Shownu and Wonho stood like a soft wall in front of you. Each of them extended their arms and you crushed into them.

“Y/N!” you couldn’t breath at all when your name danced in your ear coming from a familiar voice “Please! I know how it looks like but listen to me!”Chang Kyun begged from behind you. The boys all noticed the red and violet spots on his neck, the messed up hair and unbuttoned shirt.

“I trusted you! And you went and did things with her!” your voice trembled as you pointed at the woman running right behind your almost ex at this point

“Y/N...” he tried to walk up to you, but Hyungwon placed his hand on the boy’s chest as Kihyun grabbed his shoulder

“Stop it Chang Kyun, it’s worse enough already.” Jooheon mumbled not even being able to look at the boy

“But it’s not what you think!”he yelled out

“Listen to him Y/N!” the atmosphere became thick when Yuna’s voice echoed “I didn’t try to do anything to him! He...he jumped on me!” she looked like she was trembling and the thing you saw back in the studio seemed to add up.

“Oh are you fucking with me.”Wonho spat out “We all know this was your fucked up idea from the start.We are always on Y/N’s side no matter what, so cut the crap!”

 Your head was hanging low and in a way even if no one said it, you felt like they were waiting for an answer. Chang Kyun had pleading eyes as he tried to shake his members off a few times aggressively.

“Babe! Y/N listen to me! I beg you!” he was shaking and yelling at your motionless state

“Shut it!” Shownu looked down at you “You don’t have to take this, let’s go.” even if all of this had happened so suddenly you finally figured something out. You aren’t some girl in need of help like a princess. You fight your own battles, because you were a fighter. You stand your ground and defend it. WIth out making a sound you started walking towards Chang Kyun.

“Let him go.”with a warm smile and eyes still red from crying ,you looked at your protectors.

“Y/N!”Chang Kyun grabbed your shoulders and started talking fast trying to explain to you his side. You could feel, for the first time...you snapped.With a swift move up,your arm hit his hands off you. Taking a deep breath, you clenched your fist and hit Chang Kyun right in the face, turning your body with the move creating more kinetic energy. The boy crashed to the floor, with his fingers rubbing over the spot you just hit, he was shocked.

“Listen here you little shit.” your eyes focused down on his body, as you shook your hand from the slight stinging pain. Your teeth were exposed like an angry animal, eyes wide “You’ve been acting spoiled the past few days and I have been calm and understanding about it, but I had enough!” you growled “ Either you learn how to act or we are going to have some problems.” crooking your head to the side you saw him moving way.

 Your piercing gaze landed on the girl.With a firm step you walked up to her and grabbed her wrist. In one swift motion you threw her at the wall and crashed your arm against the it, looking down at her.

“Look here sugar cakes. If you think you can come here and turn my house upside down ,you have another thing coming at you.” your face go close to hers and you flicked her short skirt “ Chang Kyun ain’t a fan of skirts he likes shorts more, so next time do some research on your prey. He can be an ass but he won’t force himself on woman.” your elbow hit the wall and you got closer, almost biting her. Your other hand grabbed her throat and the woman gasped in shock “ Wanna tell us what you were planning to do with my man or do you want to see how pissed yall made me the past few days?”

 Yuna stared at you. Her lips slowly parted as her hand grabbed the back of your head. Is she about to headbutt me! your mind wandered in the direction of counterattack when you realized how dangerous this woman actually is. Her lips crashed against yours, her other hand grabbed your hips and swung you, changing places. Her knee parted your legs. Pulling away you were breathing heavy.

“Oh baby girl, you got me all wrong.I don’t even want to breath the same air as him.”her eyes landed onto you, hungry “I came for you. “ Yuna’s hand pushed your chip up “ I didn’t know you were such a good dom, grabbing my throat like that.”

“Wait WHAT!?” Chang Kyun threw himself practically at the woman, pushing you behind his back, holding your hip with one hand “I knew something was up!” he said

“What is going on here!?” Wonho looked around the house

“This woman!” your boyfriend pointed at Yuna “Has been blackmailing me for the past 2 weeks. She got me drunk, placed all these hickeys on my neck AND tried to make it look like I forced myself onto her.”

“ Oh don’t worry, I would never put my lips on you. It was a small cup, took me a shit long time to do that.” she sighed pulling her coat up onto her shoulder “ She is wasted on you. Be a good loser and give that kitten to me.I can make her happy.” Yuna smirked and waved at you.

“I would never!”Chang Kyun hissed at the woman, his body trembling from all the adrenaline “Right Y/N?!” turning to you he saw your figure frozen, fingers onto your lips “Y/N...?”

“Awww.” the culprit let go a loud and amused laugh “ First french kiss in your life? So precious.No one can kiss you better than a girl sweetie.I know what to give you.Just leave that fucker already, I am more successful than him anyways.”

“Fuck that.” Chang Kyun grabbed your back and pushed you flush against himself. His lips crashed onto yours, his tongue starting to fight with yours for dominance and winning fast. His fingers were hot running up your leg. This was a new sensation you couldn’t process yet.Once he pulled back, your vision was blurred and you had to hold onto your boyfriend’s shirt to keep yourself up. “She belongs to me,me me and only me. I am the only person that can make her feel like this and no one else. If you try to get her you have to get through me. I ain’t going easy on you, everything is fair play in love and war sweetie.”

 Yuna noticed the 6 other boys in defensive positions. Leaning down, they flinched and she let out a chuckle. Her heels clanked towards the front door as her hand slid over the handle.

“I will leave, but this doesn’t mean I give up. Y/N.” your head looked at her “When I come back from France I will hunt you down baby girl.” she winked at you closing the door behind herself.

“I can’t believe that woman!” Minhyuk hissed as he ran up to you “You good?” you nodded and dropped onto the couch still shocked

“So wait, you weren’t cheating on me?”

“Of course not! She kept telling me she would release to the public the fact we  were dating and I didn’t want to cause trouble for you, so I had to listen to her! I would have NEVER thought she wanted to...to-” Wonho jumped in with another stupid remark

“Fuck your girl?”

“Wonho!” and once more something flew at his head

“What!But she was hot...”

“She was.” the words slipped though your lips “One hell of a kisser too.”

“Y/N!”Chang Kyun whined

“I am not gonna go running to her! But next time tell me when something happens, we are together in this.”

“I know I know. I will from now on.” standing up ,the boys followed you to the kitchen and back, as you threw ice onto Chang Kyun

“Put that on your face.” you continued walking up the stair, when you looked back at him “You coming or what?”

“Yes babe! Right away!” he jumped up like a puppy and ran after you, leaving the boys with the impression that your roles reversed in a matter of seconds.

“So yall think she gonna be dom from now on?”

“Wonho shut it for once kid, I swear!” Shownu pushed the young idiot

[chocojjk]

Home

summary: idol! boyfriend minho forgets about you? idk i suck at summaries,, just read it,, please ùwú

warnings: nothing really just a bottle of wine and a whole lot of angst because there’s not enough minho angst on here

words: 1.7k ,, I think

also,, not edited but

anyways, letsgetit

having an idol boyfriend was not easy

especially when his life moved way faster than yours did and you’re just stuck there waiting for him to have time for you

everything was great before, your relationship with minho was one that everyone was envious of

you guys were the “it” couple, the one where everyone looked at and wished that they had their person

because that was what you and minho are

you are his person and he is yours

and you thought that it was going to stay like that forever

but of course happiness is a temporary state and nothing lasts forever

you see, there’s always a balance, a person can’t stay happy for too long, the day will come where that scale will fluctuate

and that’s exactly what started happening

things started changing

minhos career has rocketed and you being the supportive partner that you are, cheered him on through it all

eventually minho had to move out of your guys’ shared apartment and in the dorms with the rest of the boys

which was completely okay with you, because he still came home to you when his career wasn’t calling him

the first few months of change was fine, you guys were killing it, people were still envious

but life continues to move

minho became busier

the fun filled texts that were usually packed with memes and countless of i love you’s were replaced by “I won’t be home tonight”

the daily FaceTime calls turned into weeks then months and eventually just whenever he had the time

you were okay with it, you understood that his schedule was busy especially with the tour going on and the new comeback that his group was preparing

you loved him and didn’t want to ever hold him back from reaching his dreams

but god, it was tiring to always be last on his list when he was always first on yours

maybe it was your fault, maybe you had to learn to be like him and start prioritizing new things...new people

maybe it was time to move on

but every time you look back to the times that you had with minho, the more you couldn’t bring yourself to say goodbye

so you endure the pain

you made up excuses for him

it wasn’t until he forgot your 3rd year anniversary and you’re sitting there in the apartment that you guys shared, waiting for the boy that you loved for the umpteenth time that you finally notice the emptiness that surrounds you

the apartment that used to be filled with the sound of his laughter mixing into yours as you guys danced to whatever was playing on the tv was no longer there

you checked your phone for anything, even a small “happy anniversary babe” would suffice

but you were left looking at your lock screen that contained no new messages

instead you were faced with a picture of the two of you looking into each other, eyes full of love

it felt so long ago but you remembered every detail of that day

it was the first time you guys moved in the apartment, you guys have just finished placing the little to no things you have around the space that you guys would call your home

really all that was there was a mattress, a microwave, and a couple of framed pictures but you both were content

the thrill of what’s to come next excited the two of you

you can already imagine the space being filled around you

“one day we’ll have enough money to make this place beautiful and really call it our home”

“dummy it’s not about the place,” minho retorted

“what do you mean?”

“i mean we could be living in a 5 story mansion or we could be living in a box and it’ll still be home as long as im with you”

you guys have been together for two years during this time yet he still found a way to make your heart flutter more and more

“god, you’re so cheesy”

“you love me”

“i do”

“now lets take pictures”

a hundred selfies later, as you guys lay down on the mattress, your head in his chest, his arms loosely hung around yours you realize that he was right

it doesn’t matter where you were as long as you had him

“i hope we don’t end up living in a box”

as you smile back to that memory, the sound of the clock ticking brought you back to reality

every single tick felt like a gunshot to your heart

when it finally reached 11pm, you accepted defeat

the boy will not be showing up

again

and so you grabbed the wine that you bought to be enjoyed for two and sat yourself in front of the tv

the dinner on the table was abandoned as you put on a romantic movie

classic right? god, you just loved to torture yourself

not even bothering to grab a glass, you take a swig right out of the fresh new bottle

“happy fucking anniversary,” you sighed as the tears finally made its way down your face and the liquid burned your throat

eventually you fell into a deep slumber that caused you to not notice the creaking of the door opening

at exactly 2pm minho steps into the room, his eyes first landing on the table filled with his favorite foods, clearly untouched

as his eyes continued to wander he finally spots you on the couch, the bottle of wine empty and hugged to your chest

the smudged lipstick and remnants of your mascara were enough to prove that you were crying

and damn, he felt so guilty

it’s not that he forgot it was your anniversary, he’s just been so busy that he lost track of the days

but even that wasn’t a good enough excuse, as busy as he is, he has never missed an important day before so why now

scolding himself in his head, he makes a mental note to make it up to you the next day

grabbing the empty bottle of wine and placing it on the coffee table, he picks you up and heads towards your shared bedroom

“aish, why did you get so drunk” he quietly asks even though he already knew the answer

it wasn’t until you were in his arms that he realized how much he truly missed you

he gently places you on the bed, making sure you were in a comfortable position before he headed to the bathroom to grab your makeup wipes

by the time he was wiping your lipstick off, you finally awoken

“minho?”

“hi princess” he replied as he shot you one of his signature smiles

you were about to return the expression until you realized why he was taking your makeup off in the first place and now you were just filled with rage

“you forgot. ”

knowing exactly what you were talking about he quickly shot back an “im sorry I just lost track of the day i promise it won’t happen again”

“that’s the thing minho”

at this point you were sitting upright, looking straight at him

“you keep on promising that it won’t happen again but it happens again. every. time. ”

“i-“

“no, okay. it’s my turn to talk. minho, i love you and you know that i would drop anything if it means that it would make you happy. but shit minho, i didn’t expect that i would have to be giving up respecting myself in order to love you,,, look at me, i’m a fucking mess”

“im sorry”

“and you, you just live your life traveling with your best buds, with absolutely no care in the world -“

“don’t say that”

“you don’t care minho! you don’t care that someone is waiting at home for you!”

“y/n I said I was busy!, why can’t you just understand that!”

he didn’t mean to raise his voice but he was just so frustrated

yes, he did miss your anniversary but he didn’t forget

and he came home to you as soon as he figured out his mistake

and maybe you are right, he doesn’t care

he didn’t care about the trouble he was about to be in for sneaking out of the dorms, he didn’t care that he left 8 of his brothers with no explanation just so he could make his way home to you

he didn’t care, because at that time all he cared about was you

but you didn’t know that

and you didn’t give him any chance to explain his self

but why should you? when you’ve already heard everything before

“i think we should stop”

“what?”

“lets end this”

at this point you were crying

and so was he

“y/n please, you’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying, let’s talk about this tomorrow”

“it’s been almost four hours and i only drank wine, i know what I’m saying”

“y/n-“

he reaches out for your hands but you pulled them back quickly, knowing that one little thing from him will cause you to just fall straight into his arms..and right now, you have to be strong

“you once told me that it doesn’t matter where we are, as long as we have each other then we’re home, but minho i don’t have you anymore”

“i promise I’ll try harder, i’ll text you everyday if I have to! anything to get the old us back!”

you scoff at this

“i don’t want you to force yourself to interact with me because you have to, i want you to do it because you want to. lets face it, i-i don’t have room in your life anymore”

you hated the fact that you stuttered but give yourself a break okAy your heart is being ripped into pieces

“but i-i love you”

as much as you wanted to just crawl into bed with his arms around you, you knew that this needed to stop

and so for the first time in a long time, you’ve decided that it was time to put yourself first

“if you love me then don’t make this harder,, please, just...go”

(A/N): i ran out of data so i decided to be a writer for the day and wrote this in my notes lmao can y’all believe i actually wrote something with my one brain cell ,,,, also is it ok to cry over something you wrote yourself



[prxttylittle]

[Puts head on the other’s shoulder], “You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.”, “You keep staring at me instead of watching the film. What’s up?”

[Puts head on the other’s shoulder]

{ v ;; the princess and the moon.

       The sound of his phone ringing at anytime after 11pm always reminded Prince of his dealing days but then he would remember where he was and recognise that, now, a phone call late in the night was usually never good news, it no longer meant money. They were woken up by a call close to 6am to say it was time to say goodbye to Cassie. Luna’s brother had texted in the middle of the night only to call the next day to update them when things got bad with her dad. Even when he was a kid, his dad would receive a call at 2am and then as a five year old Prince would be left alone with his baby sister for anything up to four days. The only time a phone ringing after midnight ever meant good news was when he and Luna were booty calls to one another when they were young. This time, it was bad news. The worst news, in fact. He’d gone to bed in a bad mood, after an icy conversation with his wife before they turned the lights off and he’d only just fallen asleep when the iPhone tone alarmed him, waking him up. Pandora’s face lit up his screen and he didn’t hesitate to answer, wiping the sleep out of his eye. Twenty minutes later Prince was at the hospital, rushing in search of his sister. Another fifteen minutes later, after dropping Leo off at Nick’s where Nick’s sister was minding all the other kids, Luna was right by his side. Nick was relaying what Panda had told them about the accident that day when a doctor appeared. She announced that he was going to be in surgery for another while, and was in critical condition but she couldn’t update them on his progress or make any comments. Prince stepped back and it felt like time around him was slowing down. He could feel people pass by, and could hear voices but everything was blurry. The sound of Pandora crying in Nick’s arms felt miles away, and he could barely feel Luna’s hand on his. His vision was blurred but it was only when he felt a drip down his cheek that he realised that it was tears blocking his sight. He stepped back again and this time felt Luna’s hand slip away from his. He didn’t say anything, he just walked away.

Prince got outside the hospital, feeling his insides churn inside him. He vomited into the nearest bin, tears still spilling down his face. He heard his name and turned to face his wife. “Is this enough for you? Is this me understanding loss enough for you?” He wasn’t angry with her. She’d had a point in their last argument when she stated he didn’t understand what she was dealing with after Cassie and her dad. He’d quite literally never lost anyone in his life. His mother walking away didn’t count, it wasn’t the same. It was no real love lost. And even now, Prince still hadn’t lost anybody yet. Matt was in surgery, there was a chance he’d make it. But Prince was no optimist. The doctor not being able to give them any positive news to cling onto other than the fact that he was alive didn’t give Prince much hope. He couldn’t believe that Matt was going to make it because after the loss of Cassie and Luna losing her dad, he thought maybe when it rains it just fucking pours. He shook his head, wiping violently at his eyes. “Fuck I’m sorry, I’m a fucking asshole. I didn’t mean that.” He wrapped his arms around her, tucking his face into the crook of her neck, despite the dampness of his cheeks. It didn’t make any sense for this to happen, for Matt to just get randomly hit by a car. It wasn’t fair, hadn’t they been put through enough as a group? It just didn’t make sense how Matt could be sending Prince voice messages with witty jokes one minute to being unconscious in an operating room the next. He let out a breath and pulled back, his hands going to cup Luna’s face. He wanted to speak, apologise for the tension between them at home. He wanted to tell her she could ignore him for the rest of their lives as long as she promised not to get ill or hit by a random truck on the motorway en route to work, he wanted to just tell her he loved her. Instead, he kissed her, because words never were his strong suit anyway. They returned to the ICU, to Matt’s room where the bed was vacant. Prince was still shaking as Luna led the way, hand intertwined with his. Pandora was sat next to the bed, holding onto the bed railing for dear life as if he was there. Nick was pacing up and down the hall outside the room, cursing out loud every now and then. Prince took a seat, Luna joining him. He felt her settle in, placing her head on his shoulder. He sighed and kissed the top of her head before they took one another’s hand and sat there together, playing the waiting game for word of Matt. Prince felt sick, like his lungs were going to explode but having Luna was helpful, having her hold onto him the way she was calmed him down.

Prince wasn’t even sure how many days had passed but Matt was still in his coma and he just wasn’t able to hold onto hope like everyone else. He felt like he was waiting to plan the funeral. He recalled conversations they’d had, where Matt joked about carrying his own coffin or playing stupid music as he was put into the ground. He didn’t know what Matt really wanted. He didn’t even know if Matt was more of a burial or cremation guy. He figured someone with as much money as Matt’s family probably had a will, even so young. He kept these thoughts to himself, not telling anyone he was preparing for the worst. He walked into the hospital room, frowning at the sight of the kids playing with cheap hospital toys on the ground. He glanced across to Nick who was on his phone. “What are they doing in here?” He hissed, quiet enough so nobody but Nick would hear him. Nick shrugged him off, barely supplying an answer. “Where’s Luna and Panda?” Nick still didn’t look up from his phone, saying he didn’t even notice they’d left. “Of course you didn’t, you can’t look up from your fucking phone for two seconds. Matt could wake up and you’d fucking miss it because you don’t give a shit. Asshole.” Nick did look up then, glaring at Prince. Before they could fight, Pandora and Luna returned. “Dad called Nick a asshole.” Prince blinked at Leo who stood up to greet his mother when she walked in. “Tattle-tale.” Katie giggled while Camille corrected his grammar. Luna just handed Prince the coffee she’d gotten him while she was gone instead of indulging the kids. Even with Matt lying lifeless in the middle of the room with wires and tubes sticking out all places, the kids still managed to stay oblivious, to joke around. Prince had never known innocence like that.

Sitting around his best friends’ hospital bed for even more days with no answers was draining. Prince was just waiting for the machines to stop beeping or for the doctors to come in with a final announcement that he was brain-dead, no sign of life. Part of him perked up whenever someone in a white coat came nearby, maybe they’d come in with good news. That had yet to happen. Prince decided to check on the kids in the hospital’s nursery. They had been going back and forth from the hospital to being babysat at home. Eli and Leo were playing with toy cars while the girls were drawing on a chalkboard with some other kids in the nursery. They were old enough to know something bad was happening but not old enough to be distracted from the importance of winning a toy race or colouring inside the lines of a drawing of a flower. “Prince?” Katie appeared in front of him. He knelt down in front of her. “Is Ava’s daddy going to die? Like my mum?” Prince frowned. “I just don’t want them to be sad like I am.”As Prince stepped back into the room, exhausted, he wrapped an arm around Luna’s waist from behind, kissing her shoulder over her shirt. “Any updates?” But he already knew the answer. She leaned back into his touch, resting her head on his shoulder like she’d done the first day, but now he was filled with even less hope and it wasn’t as comforting. Suddenly, despite no changes in the environment, the screen beside Matt’s bed started making rapid beeping noises. Prince stepped away from Luna as a nurse ran into the room. “What’s happening?” Pandora’s weepy voice challenged the nurse who was encouraging them all to leave the room. Another nurse and a doctor ran into the room, shouting medical terms at one another that Prince didn’t understand. One of the nurses started performing resuscitation, pounding on Matt’s chest. It looked painful. The rapid beeping turned to a steady sound. “He’s flatlining!” The nurse working on him called as the main doctor who’d been reporting to them entered the room. Prince knew what flat-lining meant and he couldn’t bear to stand around and watch his best friend, his brother, die. When Prince got outside, Nick was already out there. He had a cigarette in one hand and Prince noticed the flask in the other. It was less about Nick and more the image of Matt’s lifeless body that drove Prince to do what he did. “What the fuck is your problem?” Prince demanded as he shoved Nick from behind, causing him to choke and stumble forward. He grabbed the flask off Nick and threw it at the ground. “Your fucking kid is upstairs worried that Ava, Eli and Camille are going to be like her.” He shoved Nick again, who wasn’t fighting back. “But they won’t be because at least their other parent isn’t a piece of shit.” He shoved Nick yet again but insulting Nick’s parenting skills earned Prince a punch in the mouth that he wasn’t expecting. Nick’s name being hollered distracted both of them as Luna came between them, pushing Nick away from her husband. Prince insisted he was fine as she examined his face. He pushed her hands down. “I’m fucking fine. I came out here because I didn’t want to watch them announce him as dead–” Luna stepped in front of him and he couldn’t read her facial expression. Why was she looking at him like that? The words swirled around in his mind as he and Luna ran back to the room. ‘He’s awake’ and ‘he asked for you’. He couldn’t believe it. He literally couldn’t believe it. Maybe Luna had gotten her wires crossed. Nick followed them but Prince didn’t care. “Be careful, Eli. Your dad just woke up. Be gentle.” Pandora pulled Eli down from the bed just as Prince and Luna turned into the room. Matt looked awful, pale and groggy. His eyes were open, only barely and he was breathing into a mask and not moving but he was certainly awake. Prince’s breathing shallowed, he felt like he was going to pass out but Luna’s hand tightened around his and he calmed down and turned to her. “I’m going to kill him for making me think he just died. Don’t you ever end up like this.”

{ v ;; no reason.

      Jason looked in the rearview mirror back at Freddie who was eagerly holding a stuffed bunny in his hands, so tight that Jason was afraid the thing would explode at the ears and all the filling would pour out. He was babbling, telling Jason everything that was thrilling to him about having a baby sister. Jason couldn’t help but smile as he re-focused his attention on the road when the lights went green. Fifteen years ago, he wouldn’t have predicted he’d be this settled into adult, family-life. Finding out Iola was pregnant the first time had been such a shock and neither of them really knew what they were doing, taking each day as it went and taking help wherever they could get it. He still didn’t feel like they’d gotten the hang of it completely when she revealed she was pregnant for a second time, once again knocking him off of his feet. “I told the kids at school that I have a baby sister and guess what? My friend said he has two little sisters. Isn’t that cool, dad?” Jason chuckled and nodded. “It’s very cool buddy, but let’s just focus on one for now.” They rolled into the hospital car park and Jason had to try his hardest to keep Freddie by his side, the child was practically vibrating with excitement. They finally turned into the maternity ward and Freddie spotted his aunt before Jason did, worrying him when their hands become unconnected for Freddie to go running at her, ignoring Jason’s call to slow down. Jason caught up to them and Freddie was repeating everything he’d said in the car to Leah, this time introducing the toy rabbit he’d picked out for the baby. He heard Iola cooing coming from her room and took Freddie from his Leah’s arms, warning him to be gentle with the baby when they got in. “Hey, honey.” He beamed at the sight of his wife, kissing her on the forehead. She was cradling Marceline, whose face was poking out of a fuzzy yellow blanket. Jason kissed her, too. Despite not shutting up once since being picked up from school, Freddie had gone silent. He was standing at the edge of the bed, picking at a thread in the rabbits arm, staring at the floor. He had suddenly gone shy. Jason and Iola exchanged a knowing glance and Jason took the baby, cradling her gently. Beside him, Iola got out of the bed, going to kneel in front of Freddie. Jason focused his attention on Marceline and it felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. He’d felt exactly like this the day Freddie was born, he loved this feeling. He loved having a family with Iola. It was the dream he never knew he wanted to come true until it did. Iola managed to talk Freddie down from his shyness, encouraging him to take a seat on the bed, his back against the wall. “You ready to meet your little sister, love?” He nodded to Freddie who looked at Iola and only when she nodded in encouragement did he answer that he was ready. Gently, Jason crouched down to Freddie’s level. “Now, hold your arms out. Be careful with her, put your arm under her head– yeah just like that. You’re a natural at this! Keep her head supported, okay?” When he was sure Freddie wasn’t going to drop the newborn like a basketball, he stepped back. He wrapped an arm around Iola’s waist as she rested her head on his shoulder. They gazed down at their kids with awe. Freddie started to talk, introducing himself and telling Marceline about her room and the difference of it from his, going on to talk about his favourite games that he was going to play with her. Jason grinned. “I knew you were good looking when I first met you but I never knew you’d make such beautiful kids.” He chuckled, kissing her on the top of the head as they continued to watch their children bond.

{ v ;; july 17th.

        Zayn wasn’t sure why his managers had suggested this tv show. It seemed to put him in the middle of a lot of unnecessary drama that wasn’t going to give him any good publicity, always fighting and fucking the wrong people. At first he thought it would be relaxing, living in a house with nothing to do each day but simply exist for the cameras. When drama and gossip sources got introduced he thought maybe he’d be protected by his team and it seemed so far he was since none of his dark secrets had been revealed yet. His brothers had, and a few of his friends. He realised a lot more people confided in him than he thought because he’d already known half the secrets being revealed. He knew Ari’s long before it was made public but he wasn’t expecting to feel so protective of her once he read the revelation online. Ari had told Zayn a long time ago about the abuse she received from her dad growing up. At the time, he saw red. His rage was no less existent when the Gyhab drama channel talked about it. He didn’t think she needed to be embarrassed of it but he hated that he knew nothing would be done. The whole world could know her dad was a piece of shit but he would suffer no consequences, not like what Ari suffered. He had plans with the other Ariana but he immediately cancelled in favour to seek out Arianna’s company. He didn’t even give an excuse, just cancelled and routed in his room until he found his laptop. He made his way to Ari’s room, stopping at the kitchen en route, and knocked on the door. There was no answer but he wasn’t accepting that. He pushed open the door, discovering the lump on the bed. “You should really lock that. A lot of weirdos live in this house.” She took a moment to stir but eventually poked her head out from under the covers and he smiled in greeting, struggling to hold onto the laptop tucked under his arm, the food balanced in the crook of his elbows and the cups of tea in his hands. “I’m seriously struggling here.” He knew the only reason she crawled out of the bed to help him was because she liked his tea, and wanted the cup designated to her. She lightened the load he was carrying and he shut the door behind him and locked it. “We’re going to watch a film.” Over an hour later, the credits to the first Twilight flashed onto the screen, and Zayn didn’t stir. Instead, he just went into the recommended and turned on the second one. Usually he would argue with her about wanting to watch these but he was here to make her feel better. “Zayn.” He glanced over at her, frowning at the sadness etched onto her face. He was able to understand she was more upset about the memories her secret reveal would bring up, rather than the revelation itself. “More tea?” He offered, if just to distract. He shuffled closer to her and brought his arm to hug her into him. “If you want to talk, I’m here but if you just want to watch crap movies, I’m also here.” He watched as she considered his options before settling into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. He felt his heart race just a little bit but he ignored it. Now wasn’t the time for feelings. He chuckled when she defended Twilight against his use of the word crap before settling back into the bed with her.

“You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.”

{ v ;; the princess and the moon.

      Prince propped himself up on his elbow, watching Luna move around the room, hushing Camille with a Spanish lullaby. He didn’t understand the song despite how well he’d tried to learn the language over the years. He picked up on a few familiar words but overall couldn’t grasp the entire thing. A smile braced his lips as he watched them. Luna would whisper to Camille occasionally, calming her down and sometimes brushing at her hair. He knew she only did the hair thing because the baby’s head was unbelievably soft, like defy-science soft. It was the first thing that he’d noticed about his niece, after how miraculously tiny she was of course. Eventually Luna put Camille down in the crib and crawled into bed with him. He held the covers open for her and immediately scooted closer once she was in his company. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re good with her. She likes you.” He pointed out, keeping quiet. They’d offered to babysit just to give Matt and Pandora who were constantly yawning and sporting bags under their eyes, some time off. The couple jumped at the opportunity and escaped abroad for the weekend but Pandora’s video calls every hour just to check on her baby showed they weren’t prepared for how much they’d miss her. Prince agreed to keep the travel-crib in their own bedroom so Pandora knew Camille wasn’t alone at any point in the night. He wasn’t exactly used to having a tiny human present so he was doing his best to whisper. “She likes me too, really we’re great with kids.” He was hinting but his serious moment was interrupted by his phone ringing on the nightstand. He cursed and rolled over to grab it before the sound could wake up his niece just when they’d gotten her down. He rolled his eyes when Panda’s name popped up on the screen. He silenced the phone, put it down and turned back to Luna. “We’re asleep.” He tucked his face into the crook of her neck. They were quiet for a while, breathing steadily as the sound of soft music played from the plug-in Pandora had provided. Prince didn’t recognise if it was just general white noise or an actual lullaby. He didn’t really know any lullabies. He pointed that out to which Luna answered that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was in fact playing. He hummed and nodded. He started tracing shapes against her skin with the tip of his finger, drawing stars in time with the music. “I’ll have to learn all the fucking lullabies for the next time we babysit.” He paused, his lips taking over from where his finger had been. “Or some Spanish ones because surely that’s what you’re going to play for our kids.” It was out there now and he couldn’t take it back and he didn’t want to take it back because Luna just seemed as happy as him at the thought of them growing their family. She’d mentioned it one day when Pandora was still pregnant and they’d gone shopping for baby stuff together but they didn’t dwell on it too much, they never did. He was enjoying married life. They had fun, traveling and making plans. Nothing felt like it was missing but he also wouldn’t be opposed to bringing something extra in. He sighed. “Then again, I could be a shit dad, for all I know–” Luna cut him off. “You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.” He blinked at her as she assured him that’s what he’d be for a mini them, too. He smiled. “The best thing?” He snorted and then went quiet, worrying he was being too loud but the baby slept soundly. A few moments passed and he returned his gaze to her. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened me, too. More, even.” He kissed her. “Just imagine how good I’ll be when I’m singing Spanish lullabies to a baby Luna.”

{ v ;; no reason.

    Daddy, look!” Jason looked down to Freddie who was throwing flower petals into the air and he could feel the love for his son bursting through his chest. Jason knelt down and started playing with the blossoms, too, throwing them over Freddie who giggled like it was the most amusing thing in the world. Jason’s eyebrows shot up when Freddie stumbled and fell onto his butt, waiting for the child’s reaction. As per, Freddie just laughed, pointing out that he’d fallen. Jason chuckled and reached over to pick him back up. “Look how handsome you look.” Jason beamed, fixing the little bowtie wrapped around Freddie’s collar. He hadn’t really planned on dressing Fred up so much for this but the suit had been in the window of the store and he honestly couldn’t help it. Besides, Freddie seemed to love it. “Mummy is going to be so happy when she sees you.” He ruffled a hand in his son’s hair but was distracted by the sound of someone calling out that Iola was here. He explained the plan to Freddie one last time, watching as he nodded and made his way to wait expectantly at the gallery door. Jason made his way upstairs, always keeping an eye on Fred even though everyone in the room was friend or family and would follow him if he went wandering. Eventually the door opened and Jason hopped out of sight, before she could catch sight of him. He made his way to the unused part of the studio upstairs. There was a room with a balcony where Jason would spend mornings or evenings, watching the sun or the stars and waiting for inspiration. A few occasions he’d brought Iola up and pointed out the lights and colours that he admired. He never enjoyed any of the sights as much as he enjoyed looking at her. The room was usually empty bar one desk and chair but now it had easels against the wall, and a keyboard with a lady sat. Rose petals scattered the floor, along with tea lights. Fairy lights were hanging from wall to wall, crossing the white mesh hanging from the ceiling. The lights and petals led outside to the small balcony, which also had fairy lights wrapped around the railing. A small table stood alone, with a bucket filled with ice and a bottle of champagne and two glasses on top. In the garden under the balcony, Jason had hired a string quartet, but that part was just to show off. Their friends and family would gather out there once Iola and Freddie got upstairs. Inside, on the easels, photographs that dated back to their early days of dating up to as far as just a few days prior hung. Some paintings recapturing moments they’d not photographed but he’d remembered were present but he’d been too insecure about his art to use too much of those. He shook out his limbs nervously. Iola had always wanted to get married, she bugged him about it for years but here he was, sweating profusely as if he didn’t know the answer. In all honesty, he probably wouldn’t even be putting on such a show about it if he didn’t know deep-down she would say yes, but his nerves were just something that couldn’t be helped, his worry that maybe she’d changed her mind about him. The sound of Iola giggling and telling Freddie to be careful chimed from the hallway. Jason nodded at the pianist and she began to play just as Iola turned into the room. He watched Freddie let go of his mothers hand as she stepped further into the room, taking everything in. Jason beamed. “Hi.” It wasn’t part of his pre-planned speech but he had now forgotten all of that. He shook his head, chuckled and said hi again. “I saw you before I met you. I used to draw you from across the way in that coffee shop, and from memory when I got home. I wanted to know who you were, so bad.” On the easels, a few of the drawings he’d made of her which had been half-ruined in the rain on the day they met were hanging up. He chuckled again, nervous. He fumbled his way through his speech, forgetting things and making up most of it along the way. He led her outside, where the quartet started to play in time with the tune from the piano. “I know I’m just a giant pain in your arse and you could do way better.” “You’re the best thing to have ever happened me.” She corrected him and he smiled, feeling time slow down around them. He nodded, asking her to repeat and confirm those words. He’d managed to get this far without crying but she was on her way to ruining that. “In that case,” he looked over to Freddie who joined them, holding a diamond ring up for Iola. “Will you do me the honour of making my son legitimate?”

{ v ;; july 17th.

       The sound of rain crashing down from outside felt like the universe playing a sarcastic joke to Zayn. It felt like a movie, like everything was moving impeccably slow and slow music was going to start playing overhead any second to add to the pathetic fallacy of the rain. Playing into his cinematic mood, he went to the window, pressing his head against it as he watched rain drops race each other before dissipating with other drops. When slow music did start playing, faint and distant, Zayn initially thought he was just making it up, like his conscious was playing tricks on him because he was being so dramatic but he realised music was coming from upstairs. He frowned. He’d thought Ari was asleep. They barely spoke after coming home from the wedding but the last he saw her she was silently curling up under the bed covers. Wrapping both hands around the warm mug in his hands, he made his way up the stairs to follow the noise. He pushed open the door to reveal her wrapped up in a blanket at the end of the bed, watching something on the telly. His eyes went to the screen and he realised it was them that she was watching. I Knew I Loved You was playing, and his hands were on her waist and hers wrapped around his neck. It was from some event that Gyhab had put together and while they usually did their best to get out of things like that, they’d ended up at this one. He was dressed in a suit, the collar undone with his chest tattoos showing, and she was dressed to the nines except her hair had fallen down and his blazer was lazily strewn over her shoulders. He couldn’t place what event it was but he recognised from her hair colour that it was when they were happiest together. A few other people were on the dance floor but whoever was recording seemed focused on them and he could see why– they looked mesmerised in each other’s company. The way she was looking at him in the clip made a lump form in his throat. He coughed to clear it, clearly frightening her with his presence when she jumped. “Sorry.” He shrugged awkwardly. He stopped lingering in the doorway and joined her at the end of the bed. Her face looked wet and he spotted her wiping quickly under her eyes and trying not to sniffle but he chose not to comment. She paused the clip and he frowned and asked her to play it from the start since he’d only caught the end and she complied. The song was so romantic and they appeared so in love with one another but watching it now as they sat beside each other like strangers in a waiting room instead of a couple just felt sad. He sighed and shuffled closer to her. He took her hand and when she reciprocated he placed his other hand over theirs linked together. “I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all my life.” The song played and Zayn found himself humming along. The clip of them dancing together transitioned to a dramatic scene of a fight at the event, dragging the mood down completely. They were silent and he didn’t know what to do, or what to say. “Were you lying tonight?” He watched her turn to look at him. “When we were dancing at Reni’s wedding and you said you were only crying because you couldn’t wait for it to be us? Were you lying?” Zayn knew the answer. He wasn’t an idiot. The whole day had been impossibly awkward, pretending like they were anywhere near as happy as the next-to-wed couple they were supposed to be. Every time someone from her family would approach them and ask about their own wedding, Ari would smile brightly and spill out a new detail she was excited about. Zayn was mostly silent but smiled along with her even though he didn’t share her excitement. He didn’t want to dance but when she asked, it felt like a step forward and he wanted to share that moment with her. He wanted to be close to her even if it was artificial, but it all felt like that and all he could do was pretend like he didn’t know anything was wrong, pretend like he believed her every time she insisted she was okay. He didn’t know what else to do. The air around them felt heavy. She started to shake her head and when she wasn’t looking he rolled his eyes because he knew she was just going to lie to him again. He stood up and faced her. “You’re not happy, Ari. We’re getting married soon and I feel like your roommate, not a husband. You’re not happy with me.” Zayn wanted her to be happy, but he was selfish and wanted that to be exclusively with him. He wanted his presence to make her smile, and make her feel warm inside– like it used to, like she used to make him feel. He knew their relationship was in tatters but he wasn’t ready to give up on it, he just didn’t know what to do about it. She stood up, nearer his level now. “You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.” And for once, she sounded genuine but it seemed a depressing occurrence for him, for all of this to be the best thing for her. “But?” He urged and she shook her head. No ‘but’, he was at least glad of that. He let out a breath and stepped close to her, cupping her face in his hands. He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m tired, Zayn.” She commented. Whenever the words ‘I’m tired’ slipped out of her mouth he had to hold back his sarcasm, or an empty laugh because it was so monotonous. He nodded. “Well, it’s 4am. You should get some sleep.” He knew that wasn’t the kind of tired she meant but ‘I’m tired’ was her segway to the end of a conversation and he knew it. As sad as they were, they ended up in each other’s arms as they settled into the bed. Neither asleep, but holding onto each other was at least a positive sign.

{ v ;; katie and leo.

        Halloween was Katie’s favourite time of the year. She loved to dress up in provocative outfits under the guise of a costume, loved how a girl could literally go out in underwear and add a veil or devil horns and it’s an outfit. She also loved the spook of it all, the wonderment that came with a holiday that had no rules, and different made up monsters. She had a love/hate relationship with scary movies but it was more love-based in October. Her favourite thing at Halloween time, though, was the parties. A house full of people dressed as witches or nurses or even mass murderers, with a shot of tequila in hand was just so amusing to her. She loved to dress up, and loved the compliments she received when she knew her costume was pretty bomb. This evening, it was Leo’s compliments she was seeking after, in the party she and the twins were throwing in their student flat. Eli’s snide comments about her costume meant nothing to her, not when they were matched with Leo interjecting that he loved how she looked. By the end of the night, the party wasn’t seeming to die down but Katie wanted to be alone with Leo. That was the perk of being a tenant in the house where the party was on, she could just escape upstairs and lock the door behind her. The house had Halloween decorations, but Katie’s room was done up in her own special way. She had bats strewn along the walls and pumpkin fairy lights were wrapped around her bed frame. She lit candles while Leo just lay back on her bed. She was looking forward to having this whole week with him. Usually she would go home on the weekends or skip out and miss him, but with college on mid-term she had more time to spend with him. She smiled as she approached him. “Can you believe I pulled the fittest guy here?” She tugged at his shirt to make him sit upright at the end of the bed. “And that’s saying something, Eli’s dorky friends are pretty fucking fit.” She straddled him, her hands placed gently on either side of his neck just as his rested on her hips. Her nails scratched at the nape of his neck, running through his hair there. She smirked when he kissed her, returning the action almost immediately. She pulled away, tilting her head back when his lips went to her neck. “I love when you’re here. I wish you’d come and live with us. I’m sure Eli wouldn’t mind sharing his bed with you.” She snickered and let out a screech when he suddenly turned them around so she was lying under him on the bed now. They were laughing, and having fun just being together when she pulled away and it felt suddenly like the room was going in slow motion, like she was seeing stars and spotlights surrounding him. If she looked hard enough she was sure she could see a real halo floating around his head. She smiled, but it wasn’t seductive or flirty like before. It was a soft smile, and she could feel it in her features too. “You’re my best friend. D’you know that?” Here’s hoping Ava wasn’t listening at the door. Katie giggled, feeling a little embarrassed. It wasn’t as if calling him her best friend was all that much of a confession but it had such a tender meaning behind the words and she knew she’d changed the vibe in the room. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” He retaliated and she hated how she could physically feel her cheeks flush a deep shade of red. She brought her hands to her face, a little mortified. As he tried to pry her hands away, she turned her head to the side, shaking it and laughing. Her eyes landed on the crib by her bed which she never bothers to put away when she doesn’t have Cheryl with her. Her room had a crib by the bed, a toy box in the corner and a playing mat on the floor. It was difficult to explain the furnishing of her room whenever she brought a guy home. It was never her first instinct to detail how she had a one year old daughter who visits her on the weekends. To people she didn’t plan on keeping around for more than a night, which was most of them, she would just say she was a babysitter. A lot of the time people didn’t even notice the crib until the next morning and by that point she was already kicking them out. Last year she’d skipped out on Halloween partying to go home and be with Cheryl, and her dad. This year she didn’t even go home for the week off they got for Halloween. She felt a little guilty but it was why her dad had agreed to look after Cheryl, so Katie wouldn’t miss out on things people her age were doing. She didn’t know why but a wave of sadness hit her and she finally let Leo pry her hands away. She couldn’t help the twisting in her stomach, feeling like Leo would never show her this much affection when she was home to visit Cheryl. Would he be saying the things he was if her daughter was in the crib right now? She was just overthinking, and making this all up in her head but once she let the thundercloud hover, she couldn’t stop the rain. Eventually Leo managed to get Katie to pay attention to him again, quizzing her on where her mind just went. She shook her head and laughed claiming she didn’t know what happened before she pulled him in to kiss her, distracting herself from her bad thoughts.

“You keep staring at me instead of watching the film. What’s up?

{ v ;; the princess and the moon.

       Prince blinks at the sound of Luna’s voice, turning to look at her. He hadn’t expected her to follow him. He also wasn’t expecting her question and he doesn’t have an answer for it. She wasn’t wrong, he was staring at her. It was why he’d just got up and left the living room to go outside and get away. He watches as she shuts the door behind herself and repeats her question, but he still doesn’t answer. He thinks about it. What was up? Why couldn’t he keep his eyes off of her? They’d only slept together a handful of times and it’s not as if he has feelings for her, so what was throwing him off this evening? Looking at her   wasn’t that new to him, she was attractive and he’d always thought so, ever since day one when he first laid his eyes on her.

 “No, she’s not my girlfriend, well not really. Well, yeah okay she kind of is but we technically never agreed that I can’t hook up with other girls.” Prince raised an eyebrow at Nick’s explanation. Nick’s growing presence was starting to feel more like a friendship more than ever lately, his opinions were just as idiotic as Matt’s and he had no problem telling him exactly that. “That’s fucking stupid, Nick. You cheated on her, just admit it.” Prince didn’t understand why his friends kept getting into relationships when they had no interest in staying loyal to the girls they were with. Then again, he himself had never had a girlfriend so what did he know about relationships? Prince rolled his eyes when Nick attempted to continue to excuse himself out of the situation. As he was rolling his eyes, his gaze went past Nick and Matt discussing the technical definition of being  exclusive. Across the cafeteria, Nick’s friend Cassie was sat with someone Prince had never seen before. He couldn’t help but stare–  she was beautiful. She was laughing at something Cassie was saying and the way she smiled mesmerised Prince. He’d never seen anything like it. He could feel his staring getting creepy yet he couldn’t tear his eyes away. It was as if she was moving in slow motion, like a dream sequence in a movie. She flipped her hair behind her shoulder and Prince felt like he was watching one of those laundry detergent ads where the flowers and sparkles move with her. She was dressed in the school uniform but it seemed she’d done as much as she could to push the boundaries of the dress code. Her gaze flicked past him when she went to look back to Cassie but she obviously felt him staring because she met his gaze along the way, their eyes locking on one another. He couldn’t tell what her expression was, if she was uncomfortable by his looking or if she was having the same thoughts as he was. Matt snapping his fingers in Prince’s face brought Prince back to the room, his attention returning to his friends. He felt as if he’d just been woken from a nap, dazed and confused. “What?” He snapped. The boys repeated their suggestion of going to the school garden to have a sneaky smoke before lunch break was over. He nodded slowly, pulling his schoolbag over his shoulder. As they passed the table Cassie and the other brunette were sitting at, Nick stopped to talk to Cassie, stealing food from her lunch tray. Prince and Matt carried on walking. Prince looked over his shoulder back to the girl who didn’t seem as amused by Nick as Cassie was. “Who’s that girl sitting with Cass?” He knew Matt was surprised by Prince asking about someone else. Usually, he didn’t care for new students or really anyone at all. Matt shrugged, providing her first name and nothing else as he didn’t actually know that much about her. “Luna?” Prince repeated slowly, ignoring the look on Matt’s face confused by Prince’s intrigue. “Luna Moon.” Nick supplied, joining his friends again. Prince had been looking at Luna but didn’t even notice Nick leaving them to return. The boys pushed the door of the canteen open and Prince finally stopped looking only because he couldn’t anymore. He shook off the disappointment he felt in his stomach now she was out of sight. “She’s Spanish, she just moved here. Her and Cassie act like they’re long-lost sisters or something even though they barely know each other.” Prince scoffed. That concept reminded him of Matt and Nick when they first started hanging out together. Beside him Matt was questioning in Spanish didn’t that make her name Moon Moon, meanwhile Prince was trying to get her face out of his mind. “I think she lives alone, like no parents or anything.” Prince raised his eyebrows, frowning slightly at Nick. “Lives alone? Is she not, like, fourteen?” Nick questioned why Prince cared so much, pointing out how out-of-character it was for him. Prince shrugged, pulling his cigarettes from his bag as they entered the garden, finding their usual bench that hid them from the security cameras. “I don’t care. Just curious.” Silence lingered for a bit before Matt spoke up. “I think she’s fit.” Prince returned to his natural state of ignoring his friends as they talked about girls, but this time his mind was focused on the brunette in the cafeteria that he couldn’t help but think was gorgeous, partly wishing they’d stayed at lunch so he could stare some more.

“I wasn’t fucking staring at you.” He glares at her when she steals the smoke from his hand, unsure why he really lets her do it. He watches her take a pull and for the probably tenth time in the last hour he finds himself absolutely 100% staring again. He catches himself and quickly looks away just as she starts to turn to him, cursing quietly. He knows she’s got an irritating smirk on her face, and he knows she’s more than aware he was lying about staring at her during the movie. He turns to her, his face icy cold now. “We should go back inside before someone wakes up and notices we’re gone.” But he doesn’t for one second mean any of his words because he had in fact been staring, and for a good reason.

{ v ;; no reason.

      It probably shouldn’t have been as much of a shock as it was when Jason and Iola learned they were going to be parents. They weren’t the most responsible when it came to safe sex. Whenever Jason would forego a condom, he would think more about the fact that they didn’t need protection from STD’s with each other, letting his mind fall ignorant to the possibility of conceiving a child. Jason was that careless that he didn’t even know if Iola had been on contraception. Regardless of their reckless antics in the bedroom, it was still difficult to comprehend that they were going to be parents to their own human baby child. They had created life. It was a power Jason didn’t even know he had the function to follow through on. After a while the hard-to-comprehend and the shock factor of it all faded and Jason was just a mix of nerves and excitement. It  felt like it was taking forever though. He knew pregnancy was a nine-month event but it felt like much more time than nine months had passed since Iola had told him that he was going to be a daddy, a real daddy, and he was getting impatient and also a little concerned. Every day that passed by her due date felt like an additional month. Would the child be ugly if it was overcooked? Have issues? He didn’t know. He tried to read the pregnancy books but after terms, and fluids and different birthing methods, his brain was fried. Easy to say he wasn’t going to be entering the career of an OBGYN anytime soon. He kept his concern to himself, worrying that if he made her worry it would stress out the baby or her womb or something. He watched her, keeping an eye out for any signs of a head or a foot hanging out of her, waiting for her to scream out in pain whenever she so much as reached for the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. She seemed to be fine, suggesting they have a date night in the form of cuddling on the couch and watching a stupid Netflix movie. He agreed but he couldn’t focus on the movie. What if her water broke at any moment and stained the sofa cushions? When Iola rolled her eyes and glared at him, her jumped slightly. “You keep staring at me instead of watching the film, what’s up?” He frowned but decided to just tell her what he was worrying about, knowing she would ease his concerns anyway. “Your due date was this week, I’m just worried you’re going to pop here and now and I’m not going to know what to do. I don’t know if you know this about me but I don’t know how to deliver a baby.” She was the one going through the discomfort of an overdue pregnancy yet he felt her hand on his back, shushing him and soothing him. She was making him feel better when he probably shouldn’t have been making this whole thing about him thinking the baby was overcooking. He had a lot of questions that he knew were too stupid to ask but he just didn’t understand the miracle of giving life, admittedly. She reassured him that her obstetrician would have informed them if there was anything worth getting worked up over yet, which she hadn’t. He nodded. “So you’re not going to ruin this movie by having a baby?” He chuckled when she seemed to get exasperated with him, leaning across to kiss her to make up for his idiocy. He stole some popcorn from the bowl that was sitting on top of her bump and grinned, his nerves once again overtaken by excitement.

{ v ;; katie and leo.

      It was easy to slip away from the group when snacks were being passed around. Katie slipped through the kitchen door and made her way to the front of the house, perching herself on the front step of Matt and Panda’s home. She liked coming here, it was luxurious and she liked to imagine someday owning such a beautiful home herself. Apparently Pandora had been forcing her brother and friends to have movie nights like this since they were teens, and Katie liked that the tradition extended to the kids. Katie was perturbed from her own thoughts when she heard the door click behind her. She didn’t even need to turn to see who it was, Leo spoke before she could. She shrugged when he asked what she was doing out here, letting out a sigh. Katie felt sad. That was the best way of describing it. She wasn’t depressed, or drowning in misery. She was just sad. She felt Leo drop to the step beside her, his leg brushing up beside hers. Involuntarily, she shivered. She watched as he pulled his jacket from around himself and placed it over her shoulders while also wrapping her up in his arms. “Cheesy.” She chuckled. Katie adored Leo-- all other dramas aside, she was so appreciative of his friendship. She lay her head on his chest and let out a sigh. "I  noticed that you keep staring at me instead of watching the film. What’s up?” She rolled her eyes and slapped him on the shoulder. “You’re gorgeous Leo but I wasn't staring at you, I was looking at everyone. You and your parents, the Kings.” She let out a sigh and rested her head on his shoulder. Silence lingered for a bit and Leo questioned what she meant, what was wrong with her. “I don’t know.” She felt pathetic when her eyes welled up and her voice cracked slightly, not expecting this emotional response. “If I tell you then you’re just going to argue with me and tell me I’m wrong.” Katie pressed her fingers under her eyes so no tears would fall down and ruin her eyeliner. She didn’t really feel like crying anyway. She spared him a glance when he encouraged her to go on. Her lip sunk beneath her teeth as she considered it for a moment but there wasn’t a version of this universe where Katie wouldn’t share her thoughts with Leo-Valentin. “I love coming here. Matt and Panda are so nice to me, and so are your parents. But” she paused and shrugged. “I just feel like an outsider sometimes. Me and my dad are just, like— there. You’re all this big family and then me and dad are just these two tag-alongs.” Katie wondered if her mother was alive would she feel this way whenever Matt and Panda threw some big party or got everyone together, if she had their own full family. She let out a sad laugh. “It’s stupid, I know. I don’t always feel like this. It’s just—” She looked at him again, appreciative that he was letting her rant. “Sometimes I just feel so disconnected from you lot.” She felt Leo’s arm around her pull her in closer and she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, tucking her face into the crook of his neck, despite how her makeup would probably stain his shirt. When Leo went to speak, she sat upright and her eyes met his. Katie already knew what he would say to her, she expected him to disagree with everything she said about being an outsider. She really didn’t want to sit through that, so she kissed him to shut him up instead. Giggling at his surprised reaction, she pressed her hands against his chest, pushing him to the ground and falling down with him. If she hadn’t gotten his shirt dirty before she definitely would now. Messing around with Leo, laughing with and kissing him was all the distraction she needed from her little crisis. So distracted, in fact, neither of them heard the front door opening and someone walking out until– “Seriously?” An irritated voice interrupted them and Katie pulled away from Leo with a hushed giggle as her eyes landed on his dad standing in the porch doorway with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised. Katie couldn’t help but think that the scowl on his face suited him. Her face flushed as Leo sat up, fixing his hair that Katie had messed up by running her hands through it. Prince held out a hand to help them both up and Katie didn’t hesitate in wrapping hers around his. “If it was your dad that just found you two out here, I’d be down a kid.” The stern tone of voice Prince used when scolding them did nothing but make Katie’s cheek flush further. She smirked, lower lip sliding under her teeth as she shrugged, batting her eyelashes innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just in the loo.” She brushed past the Jameson men, hand catching onto and letting go of Leo’s in an instance. She looked back at them just in time to catch Prince fixing Leo’s hair for him. She was feeling somewhat better, now.

[latinuser]

Okay so I’m currently in a bit of a root of depression/insecurity/HELLA QUESTIONING MY SHIT right now, which all added together with the need of a job kind of fucks over the mental state to create stuff and get out of that funk. You just sorta. Binge? Lay there doing nothing, you aren’t super upset at that moment but you don’t feel anything, so you’re watching comedy skits or anime or something to bring yourself to a high point so that you can feel motivated to do anything.

But, while being in this shit hole where the majority of my brain turns to: Nobody supports you, you don’t know what you feel so how dare you even think the way you do/you’re fucking over other people you love/you have it so easy stfu

I decided, LETS TRY AND BE PRODUCTIVE (and vent sorta with the above) and so I’m gonna throw up a bunch of shit I like to do to try and help myself feel better (because I can be happy in a moment but it fades over time with the whole depression until you feel like a void)

So, down below is gonna be just some shit I do to make myself do stuff set into categories of:

Art/Drawing

Writing

and Chores

Key note, this works for me. It may not for others, but if it works for some people then I’m glad to provide a little relief.

If anyone else has other advice/resources add on to this post!!

ART/DRAWING

First thing I suggest is something I’ve been doing for ages before I even recognized I was doing it for my depression.

Find a super old piece of art you did, like two-three years ago, and then re-draw it. For slumps (especially long ones) where Depression just won’t let you think creatively, not having to overthink what you’re drawing is helpful. Having an old piece where the pose/the basic composition of the piece is already decided let’s you just work through everything faster, even if you change the pose slightly/what the character is doing. You know the scene, that’s the important bit.

Once done, look back at the old piece, then what you can do now. You may not be satisfied with where you are, but, you are almost guaranteed to be better than the older piece. 

Second thing is memes. Whether it’s draw your character memes or faces or something, just. Draw them. All of them. It’s a good warm up, and it also let’s you go kind of zen and, again, not have to think creatively.

Third is get paper (physical paper) and pen, crayons, etc... any and all different mediums, and just. Scribble. Not being specific has a bit of freedom in it and lets you get out of a “What tf do I draw, it has to be perfect/anything i do is shit” mindset.

Fourth is similar to the last. If you have a medium you haven’t used in a long time (pen/paper, pencil/paper, colored pencils, marker, etc...) pick it up again. Usually making yourself work with something you aren’t used to/haven’t done in a long time lets you see the other skills you’ve progressed and feels good at the time, lets you move forward a bit easier.

Fifth, drink something hydrating. Water, tea, etc... just something that isn’t soda or energy drinks. This is more so just an “in general” statement, but I find I think more clearly when I’m drinking cold water.

WRITING

First thing I like to do is, similar to the first drawing is, read my old writing. Not re-write it, but just. Read it. Read it and pick out all my mistakes and laugh at my grammar or cringy I was. It helps me see where I flubbed out and where I can improve.

Second is pencil/paper write it out. Write out some of your story beats, how it works, etc... Hell, if you have a whiteboard thats even better! This way you can get a far away look at everything. (Also there’s just something to me about writing on paper?? Idk, it’s nice)

Third is eat/drink something. Yeah, same as the fifth one for drawing but this is!!! SUPER!!! IMPORTANT!!!!!! Sometimes you dont realize the reason your head is foggy/your “muse” or your mojo isn’t working is cuz “I haven’t eaten in like 9+ hours and holy shit is that the time?” So just. Get some water, get some fruit/peanuts/something small at your desk and snack while you write.

Fourth is turning all your text white in whatever document. This is more so if you just get stuck at a specific part for me, but it can work for this too. Turning your text white makes you have to ignore your mistakes / what you wrote prior and just keep moving forward, cuz you backspace once and who tf knows what’s going on.

CHORES

Chores are monotonous things that, when you have 0 energy and can’t see a point in doing anything, kind of get pushed to the side. Especially in comparison to the creative things (like writing/drawing) that get pushed to the side because “I can not do that” but!! Here’s a few things I do right before starting them to keep me going.

First thing is white noise.

No. Really. Just. Put something on in the background and have that playing while you drag your butt around the house. This won’t work all the time (like all of these won’t work all of the time) but I find it’s helpful.

Second, family help. So this one is, again, not for everybody and definitely not gonna work if you don’t have someone around who’s willing to take your phone/tablet/random device away from you, but. If you do. Ask your sibling/parent/friend to take your phone away from you after (x) amount of time (i usually say 20 minutes cuz that gets me through one YT episode) and then to take it and hide it (still playing, mind you) and hide it somewhere.

Not too hard, but def. somewhere I gotta go and search. Makes me get up, makes me have to go to whatever other room it is, and means I’m much more likely to keep moving.

Third is, honest to god, showering. Just. Do it?? I dunno what it is about showering, and I don’t care if it’s 9AM, Noon, or 11PM, take a shower. Showers can help you wake up or wind down and, generally, the water will ease you and make you relax more. Plus, as said with above, once you start moving, you keep going. Even if you don’t quite understand why.

Fourth is binging while you work. I usually carry my phone around with me, YT or a Podcast blasting in my pocket and just walk around and do my chores kind of numbly in these moods. It’s not the easiest and I do get 100% distracted/just don’t want to keep going. But it helps me, similarly to white noise.

Fifth, can anybody guess what this is?

That’s right. Drink/Eat stuff. AND AGAIN, make sure it isn’t just junk food or soda/carbonated drinks. Again, fruit, peanuts, just something?? Is better than nothing.

Anyway there are some of my things. Hope this helped some people?? As a final “THIS IS WHAT I LOOK AT” I’ll put down some pretty sappy/funny stuff I like to watch in this mood to give me more positive ... mess of something in my stomach while I work.

Lucahjin

Masaenala

Chuggaconroy

TheRunawayGuys

Ponder Sprocket

TheZodiacLord

TheOdd1sOut

Jaiden Animations

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 3 - “hopefully failure does not turn into fracture” - John

Dylan C

oh nvm, it was Jack lol

Timmy

I was half a second from muting Ellie on my own during the tribal. Also JACK LEFT 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

John

first vote, check. first blindside, check. feels good knowing i helped spearhead the vote flip from stephen onto jack, but if jack comes back he might be out for blood. luckily enough for us worms, the vote morphed into a 7/1 landslide, so he might come after maynor or stephen or keith before me and my peeps. but only time will tell.

Timmy

ELLIE DRINK WATER CHALLENGE, DO THAT CHALLENGE

Keith John

Last night was a tough vote. Jack made people paranoid. Even though i wanted him to stay. No one in my alliance felt easy with him. Even though i wanted jack around as he was good in chllenge and wanted to work with me. But it is what it is. 

Raffy

I finally managed to get into an alliance with Ellie and Timmy. Though it is not the biggest, I feel confident that these two will serve me well, at least in the premerge. It's called the Just Go For It Alliance, courtesy of Timmy. And we almost got caught forming it because of Cormac which is iconic. Speaking of him, I don't really know what to make of him. He's very... weird. Like it's hard talking to him, but I feel the same way about Keith so whatever. Plus, I don't really trust Cormac considering he basically made a day 1 alliance with two people on my tribe and Sierra. I need to keep an attentive eye on him.

Ellie

I am so immensely thankful for the tribe call last night. It was filled with things I needed to hear, of course we joked around with the fact that I can’t turn on a stove but I was also so thankful for the amazing people in the call making sure that I take care of myself which I haven’t been doing lately. Life has been really hard on me and it feels like a never get a break, sometimes I neglect taking care of myself because I feel that I physically and mentally can’t. I function on caffeine and I get 2-5 hours of sleep on a good night. Last night was kind of a wake up call because I learned that I am putting myself in danger by neglecting myself and my needs. It was really hard for me to accept that but I feel like I have bonded with these people BEYOND the game, they feel like my family now. Life sucks and I get really unmotivated sometimes and can’t bring myself to get out of bed or even eat, but I’ve gotten a lot better and I hope to continue getting better and the people in that call have already played a huge part in that by motivating me to care about my wellbeing and take care of myself, I will always be thankful for that. 

Raffy

I feel like I am bonding well with people? It's hard to get a read on some of them, but I think it's fine for now. Other than that, John came up to me asking for a game bond that I thought we already have. Either way, that seems to be my way into an alliance with him. Hopefully we can grow our numbers and build a trustworthy yet powerful group. We're suspecting a swap pretty soon so I hope that I've bonded with the right people in order to be successful.

Dylan C

I haven’t been socializing enough lately with anyone, and wasn’t going to today but then today was Yikes so. I did miss the tribe call for the challenge because I was on the phone with my friend. Maybe I could’ve made it but eh. Hopefully that one point isn’t going to make or break us. And if it did, well I’ve also done a lot for this challenge already soooo

Ellie

I’m going to be picking flour out of my eyebrows for days

Raffy

I hope we win the challenge. I'm kind of scared that so many things were left blank, but this has got to be enough

Dylan C

BITCH

several of us on this tribe were just on a call saying we didn't wanna vote anyone out smh

I keep agreeing when people say they can't come up with a name for tribal but I do actually have one in mind. I'd say Justin since he seems to be around somewhat less, but it's still not great. I mean, I'd rather not vote anyone

So I've talked with Raffy and Joseph and they agree w/Justin. Haven't specifically mentioned names with anyone else. Ellie says she's just going to listen, and not throw out any names. Also didn't ask my thoughts lol. I'll expand on this more when I record my next video confessional

Timmy

Ughhh we lost, I say we but like I did nothing for the challenge so I was a big contributor to the loss. But now people want justin out and like Justin wants to work with me so I’m not here for that. Honestly I have an alliance that will half the tribe after tomorrow so i would like to have a majority group with him, but I’m still in a good spot without him here. I would rather get Joseph or Dylan R out this round though.

John

okay so apparently cormac wants sierra out after stephen now which is news to me. i just agreed and nodded and was like “okay cool” bc i don’t want to draw negative attention towards myself by acting like i’m trying to protect them, but like i don’t think blindsiding them would be the best move? this game is going to get crazy quick. plus if he’s thinking of taking them out, what if all of a sudden they wanna flip on me? in engineering terms, cracks are propagating on the surface of the material, and it’s not long until failure occurs. hopefully failure does not turn into fracture.

Timmy

Joseph and I haven’t spoken in a few days yet he messages just saying “so, tribal” in bold and I’m like wtf like I’m not gonna talk to you about tribal yet, I need to see if I can trust you first.

Dylan C

What is the big risk I'm taking for the idol and risking my vote at tribal? A fucking puzzle with a shit ton of blue sky and snow, and the piece are weird and r o t a t e. I'm not getting this shit done by 11pm tomorrow! Not when I'm in classes all day, and then have DnD not long after. And I made an account to save my progress, putting my name in it so if I do finish and end up on the leaderboard for someone else to see. You know what I've got tonight? BDE. That's right: big dummy energy. At least the vote seems almost unanimous at this point, so that could easily change, but if it goes like it seems like it will then my vote won't matter too much.

Dylan C

41 minutes and 40 second in, 32%, brain is fried JustinAlright so I am a bit nervous for this tribal considering I have not been too active for this round, but I am still confident I can move the target onto someone else. I was thinking I can possibly get people to vote out Dylan R considering he has been more inactive than I have. Although, the other tribe blindsiding Jack makes me weary because it might have caused people on my tribe to make a move against a more active player. So, I need to be on my toes to make sure that is not me. Also, remember how I said I want to work with Timmy? Well I messaged that bitch asking if he wants to work with me officially, but he hasn't answered even though he has been online since I have sent the message. So, honestly I might try to target him considering he has not been super active either.

Keith John

I have been a bit busy these past few days, havnt spoken to everyone much. Good thing we won immunity. So scrambling is at its minimum. i got a feeling a swap is coming up. Makes me nervous. I dont have many connections on the other side.

Except Justin, spoke to him a few times. Raffy and Ellie I spoke to but they feel like people who talk to everyone. so I dont know if they have my back. Whilst Timmy even didnt reply to my hi. As guess he is clear about not working with me

Stephen

Hi. My name is Mr Immune, which I almost misspelt as Mt Immune, wouldn’t that be entertaining? Anyway the tribes feeling good, John and Sierra are cool, Zoes nice, Maynors nice but oddly distant. Everythings middle of the road atm, nothing great but nothing sucky. I’ll probably try and cruise for a bit on social connections until swap or something equally spicy pops up.

Maynor

I have continued doing the puzzles and I have 3 of them left. Hopefully the idol isnt found yet. We’ll see. Im so happy we were able to win immunity cuz i was slowly freaking out that Jack said my name. Atleast i just screamed inside my head and didnt become as paranois as Jack. He literally made himself the target. Everyone agreed on Stephen then his paranoia happened and it switched onto him.

P.S. ❤️ Jay

Sierra

After Jack got voted out, I was worried that we were going to lose the next challenge. I was so relieved when we actually pulled through and won! We all really worked so hard to win that one... and even though I’m in an alliance, I’d rather not have to test things again just yet.

Raffy

God I hate tribal. It’s ugly. Though I instantly have a name in mind: Justin. He’s the person I trust the least and have talked to the least. I talked to Ellie and Dylan C about it. They seemed to be on board with the whole thing. We just need one more vote which should be easy to get. After all, I am in an alliance with Timmy, so it should be easy for me to get four votes. I’m just hoping that he doesn’t have an idol.

Last night, I was talking to Dylan a little bit. Apparently, they are are scared that they haven’t been added to any alliances and they feel like alliances are being made. So I suggested making an alliance with them and I. They’re in a vulnerable position which is great for me since it means they’ll be more willing to work with me. After tribal, I’m hoping that we can create an alliance together with some other people. I’m excited!!!

Ellie

So it’s between Justin and Dylan R and I have the deciding vote?? More drama coming soon

Justin

Ok these bitches are making me mad. I approached Ellie and Dylan C for alliances. Luckily, they both said yes to individual alliances, but as soon as I brought up the idea for all of us to join together plus Raffy they go mute. That is definitely concerning, but I brought up Dylan R’s name to all three as a target this vote and I can only hope they stick to their word to vote them out. I also made an official alliance with Keith, and he spilled the beans that he has been talking to Raffy a bit which makes me nervous. However, I have changed my stance on Raffy because he actually talks to me quite a lot. But, I am aware he is definitely playing this game hard and is talking to almost everyone. That is why I want to keep him close for the time being and then perhaps blindside him in a swap or early merge. Back to Keith tho, he is ITCHING to make a move. He told me it is his first time playing an ORG and he definitely wants to blindside people which as long as it ain’t me I’m good.

Joseph Collins

Me and Elle have been working so good together. I hope she doesn’t stab me in the back lol. The tribe consensus was Justin but I flipped them all to Dylan r. Blindsideeeeee coming. Hahahahaha. *evil laugh* *winky face

Joseph Collins

Lemme break down how I flipped the vote. I just told Dylan c that “look. I respect you. And I’d want someone to do this for me. The tide’s changing and I think the vote is gonna be Dylan R tonight. I don’t want you to be left out of a vote because I wanted to work with you so I feel like you should know” that establishes trust and kinda gets Dylan to switch her vote

John

i’m ready to make a legitimate move in this game. but it’s all about timing. our best move, if we lose again, is sending stephen outta here. WITH THAT BEING SAID, it’s on after that. bring on the bloodbath. not everything will be happy go lucky for long.

Joseph Collins

I orchestrated this blindside and took no credit in my voting message. Like a true mastermind. *maniacal laugh*

Justin

Biiiiiiiitch. I just found out bitches have been conspiring against me cuz of the time zone difference. So, I was right for being paranoid omg. The person who initially told me was Joseph of all people which was shocking since I probably talk to him the least besides Dylan R. But, I’m glad he did and then Timmy further confirmed it which I’m like hello again Timmy it’s been a bit bud. From what they have told me is that the majority is still on Dylan R. and I talked to Dylan C. about the vote and I straight up talked about the time zone difference not being an issue. They said they have a friend in Scotland so it doesn’t bother them so if at least those three and myself vote Dylan R. then I should be good.

Raffy

The tribe has switched their mentality and have decided to go with Dylan R. with this vote which I am fine with considering he does not talk to me at all either. Plus, Justin came up to me asking if we could align together in this game which is always a good sign. So, I was more inclined to keep him throughout the day. Either way, I think I should be safe at this tribal council.

Zoe

I’m a wild bitch.

For the scavenger hunt challenge, I definitely got a tattoo (of the water tribe symbol from avatar, don’t @ me) for a whopping 20 points, and we definitely won the challenge. While riding on that high I accidentally talked about the idol hunt and got a strike from the god-host, which made me feel like the ultimate failure. Other than that, I have several strong alliances which I am confident in going into the swap.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/gpUevTrixLo

https://youtu.be/_Qpn_dE6fxs

Not feeling like typing this up in detail but the vote has now changed to Dylan R and I’m down with/that. I talked to some people about it and they agree. Joseph messaged me and was like “I feel I have to tell you since you said you wanted to vote Justin.” I was like “that’s sweet but I already knew.” And kinda tried to play it off after that like I’m a little worse at socializing than I actually am but idk how well that worked. I really should’ve made this confession 5 hours ago but oh well. (Those videos were filmed almost 12 hours ago). 

Dylan C

I actually finished the fucking puzzle and I can’t believe it. Also if I hadn’t, it would’ve counted against me next tribal, not tonight’s. Either way, I’m not losing that vote via that puzzle babey. 

[mindfulrunner]

#53: ottawa marathon: content, but still hungry

It has been over a week since the Ottawa marathon. Time for a formal recap, before the experience melts out of my brain and into the ether, only to haunt me the next time I get serious about fall training - what did I learn?

Goals:

For my second marathon, my main goals were straightforward:

1. Arrive to the starting line healthy (a challenge given my 5 week long cold and ongoing shin whining)

2. Run under sub 3:10 (which my time of just under 2:11 at Around the Bay 30k indicated was in the realm of possibility)

3. Not be a wuss (the language I used was more colourful but kinda sexist - as Betty White puts it, pussies can take a pounding!)

Coach’s instructions were great: “You are prepared. So don’t dwell on pace. You know what you want and what you need to do. As in your recent pattern, stay patient and go for it when you get into the groove.” So let’s add:

4. Stay patient.

My deep secret goals were trickier: run 3:05 – 3:07 (4:24-4:27 pace) on a warmish day by:

5. Staying cool

6. Staying hungry

To me, staying cool meant being tactical on the course with the water stations, taking advantage of my husband’s presence along the course to hand me cooling items, and, most importantly, to pace myself optimally to squeak my time down to these lower numbers. Staying hungry meant believing in myself and silencing the doubters before the race who indicated I should stick to a 3:10 pace. I had something to prove.

The Plan

I wrote up the following strategy and hoped to execute it:

1-10km: 4:28-4:31 pace. Ease in and seize natural gaps that emerge with the aim to come it at the 10k mark between 44-45 minutes

6-20k: Dial back pace if possible and creep toward goal. Work with the crowd around you. Eat, drink and relax.

20-35k: Find a group at pace or slightly faster and latch on. Expect for the pace to require increasing effort the further you run. Begin to focus and channel positive thoughts like “I can do this”, “I am made to go the distance”, “I can handle this no problem”. Goal pace at the half marker: 1:32-1:33. Goal pace at 30k: 2:12-2:13.

35-42k: Expect it will be hard. Relax. You can endure. You can flow. Don’t be a wuss. Don’t count yourself out.

Prepare

Saturday went off without much of a hitch. Friday night I tried to be “fun” by staying out until 1am (we arrived in Ottawa at 11pm) and enjoyed a drink with Jeff in the Byward Market. So, in order to bank the sleep I would not get Saturday night, I slept in until about 12 and then immediately began carb loading before heading over to the Expo.

My goal at the Expo was to limit stress but also secure a 3:10 or 3:05 pace wristband. Unfortunately, none were left, but I made a mental plan to create one on my own using some clear tape, pen, and paper. My failure to do so is now a “lesson learned”.

The day got away from me (also known as: I managed time poorly). My parents were coming into town to meet for dinner and I needed to get a shakeout run in, since I skipped my Friday night run. After dinner (gluten free pasta and probably too much butter), everything was closed. What’s more, because our room got downgraded, I no longer had a kitchen and had to make my oats at my parents’ hotel. Also: the front desk at the hotel had just run out of packing tape. So, no time/supplies to DIY a bracelet.

So I spent the evening slightly fretting over my lack of a pace bracelet and one lost compression sock slightly before settling into bed around 10:30. Jeff went to a sports bar to watch playoffs hockey. I was probably being very annoying to be around: lots of whining and fearful noises (”Use your words, dear”) to try and express I didn’t want a normal piece of paper for the pace chart, since I anticipated dumping water all over myself: temps were to begin at 14 and rise to about 20 by the time I finished the event (10:15am), which, to a runner, feels more like 24 rising to 30. And I didn’t want to run with a single or mismatched compression sock for what I thought were very obvious reasons. Why I couldn’t wear my back-up socks remains unknown.

Anyway, I had wanted to be lying in bed by 9pm, but didn’t make it there until 10:30pm. I read a little of Running with the Mind of Meditation. I went to bed relatively calm and slept decent.

Showtime

I got up at 4:45 and ate my oats and banana and went back to bed until 5:30… thrilling, right?!

At 5:45 (slept in!) I made coffee, sipped Gatorad while I got dressed, applied sunscreen, and basically hung around going to the bathroom (pre-race nerves announce themselves so gracefully). I was just about an 8 minute jog from the start line so I wanted to hang here until about 40 minutes before the race, which was set to start at 7am.

I eventually jogged over and stood in line at another porta potty. This is TMI, I know, but I never really totally relieved myself, which worried me briefly about the need to  make a mid-race stop, although I thankfully did not need to in the race.

I warmed up a tiny bit and saw a few of the Pace & Mind runners and a Black Lungs runner from Toronto. But I said nothing, as is my “it’s before 10am” way of living. I probably only warmed up 2k, with a couple strides.

I took my place between the 3:05 and 3:10 pace bunny. I tried to relax… and I think I straight up was relaxed! I looked around: there were a lot of fit looking men and just a few women in this group! I felt proud to be among them. I overheard the 3:10 pace bunny chatting with some numbers. He mentioned his PB was 2:56 “some years ago”, and I thought that was cutting it close. Typically bunnies choose a very comfortable effort. I realized a lot of 30-40 year old guys were surrounding him because sub 3:10 was a BQ for that category.

The race started. I stayed with the 3:10 pace bunny for a bit before my watch started saying crazy numbers like 4:10 pace. I eased off and tried to keep the group a reasonable distance away. I tried to relax and enjoy the early crowds. But I kept wondering what the heck was going on with this bunny….

At the same time, at 2k I realize my Garmin is having an “off” day. Usually it says I’m going way faster than slower. Keep in mind I was making an effort to NOT weave much for the first 10k and instead wait for gaps to open. But I cross the official 2k flag in exactly 9 minutes, which is fine, but my watch was telling me I’m averaging 4:15-20 kms and that I have run significantly further than 2k.

Key Decision

I decide to ignore my average pace on the watch and instead use the manual lap function and do mental math/counting….

2 Hrs Later

…which is basically what I did for the next 2 hrs, I think, because I remember very little else except the following:

Realizing the 3:10 bunny was way fast at the 5k and 10k timing mats and chatting about it with a couple of fellow runners, including Matt, the fellow who built Monarch Park stadium and gave a shoutout to Longboat

Consciously avoiding running with the group of 20 or so guys around the bunny due to the extra heat the group was giving off

Drinking Gatorade at EVERY station and dumping the water on my head to cool off as a “pre-cooling strategy”. I was anticipating it getting really hot toward the end of the race which can be treacherous

Eventually heeding the advice of one of the runners to try and stick with the 3:10 bunny anyway based on my “real” goals of 3:05-3:07, instead o sticking with my plan for a big negative split

Catching up to the too-fast bunny, but then falling off due to a slight groin tweak. My pace between 21-and 25k significantly slowed due to babying/trying to figure out if this tweak was gonna get worse. I think those kms made the difference between actually injuring myself on the worst-case-scenario side, and squeaking under 3:07 on the best-case-scenario side

Feeling like the little bumps and rises were a bigger deal and more annoying than I anticipated

Manually resetting my watch at every lap marker and counting off the additional seconds in my head when my Garmin inevitably told me I was running further than I did. So, I would begin to approach the 26k marker for example, about 30 metres out my watch would say something dumb like 4:10 pace, and I would eventually realize I was somewhere in the 4:20s.

Rodent Brain

Because of these timing issues, I felt very scattered during the race, trying to remember my approach on the fly, trying to tap back into my relaxed and focus zen state, trying to get competitive, but just spending too much time worrying about TIME.

I was BUMMED I did not have the pace bracelet I was trying to find at the Expo. It would’ve been super handy. I was also bummed about the pace bunny being so crappy. The 3:05 pace bunny dropped out as we were going over the bridge back from Gatineau (I think 24k?). However, thankfully, I think due to my overall relaxed state that weekend and practice racing without paying much attention to my watch this season, I did not panic or start to think negatively which I am very proud of. Regardless, I was definitely not in a flow state or as competitive with the group around me due to my timing uncertainty. I think if I were feeling more bold (e.g., not concerned about my groin, not worried it could get really hot at the end), I would have still been very confident and more competitive with the groups around me.

The Pain Train Commeth

At about 28k the quads got heavy… a little later than my first marathon, Hamilton, where they hurt at 25k. I am mystified by this, looking back, because it did not happen at all that I remember at around the bay, which was 30k, hillier, colder, and a faster pace.

30ish k: I ran through this marker under 2:14, and confident I would achieve my sub 3:10 goal. At this point, I did start to get more competitive. I kept passing the same triathletes, who would later pass me. One woman in my age group ran near me for most of the race, but I think I passed her somewhere before 30k. Two women running together, one with a hydration pack, passed me at one point. The stronger looking of the two broke away somewhere around 33k, and I didn’t see her again. I passed the girl with the hydration pack happily at one point, she surged later, and I made it a hazy goal to catch her somewhere around 35-37, which I did. But she surged around 39 (which is amazing… ultra runner?), spoke some words of encouragement, and I didn’t see her again.

At 37k, we came back to the crowded area. At one point, a cheer group said, and now lets all cheer for Emily and about 15-20 people said GO EMILY, GO EMILY, and that was amazing. Put a huge grin on my face.

From 36 or so onward, my form collapsed HORRIBLY in these stages as the race photos attest. I don’t know if I was thinking about it at all. I was just trying to catch people as I was mostly running alone and run even paces and try and dig into my leg strengths, as I started to breathe heavy.

At 39k I saw a man down…. Totally passed out unconscious. Eyes open. Terrifying. A crowd around him was calling for medics. This is the sad truth about competing and the wall: to finish, I had to put it out of my mind and trust others watching and volunteering to help him. As soon as I crossed the line, I mentioned it to a medic.

Those last 3k were very tough, but in a familiar way this time. I don’t remember too much, except being very annoyed that by the 39k marker I still had a tight turn to execute and no clear line of sight to the finish. The legs got heavy and I chipped away. I continued to pass many people (mostly those who had significantly fallen of pace, some of whom I suspect were overheating or hitting the wall), but was also passed by some.

Amazingly in these last few k I was CONTINUING to do simple math. I kept trying to figure out what time I would finish in if I were to run 5 min kms.

Sweet Relief

An amazing highlight was actually seeing my dad and smiling at him with about 200 metres to go. My mom captured some great photos of this. It was me against the clock… I squeezed just under 3:08 gun time, 3:07:36 chip time.

Afterwards… I felt relieved it was over… I felt proud of the race… I didn’t feel completely incapacitated as in my first marathon. I congratulated those around me, and received congratulations in turn.

Reflections

I explained to Jeff and my parents that the 3:10 pace bunny was well off and that I did indeed reach my goal. And I also wasn’t as immediately sore and stiff (in fact I spent a considerable amount of time walking later that day). I was healthy.

Sadly, I also did not feel a ton of joy or elation. I was very “zen”, I suppose, or displaying equanimity, which has been my goal this season. But I was also confused. I had no distinct impressions from the race, positive or negative immediately afterward, and I was not sure why until I started to write and reflect on the race a couple of days later. My tune up race had been much more enjoyable, with decisive moments where I became competitive or overcame and “got into a groove” and proceeded to “kill it.”

Perhaps I never got there due to the wildly uneven pacing in the first half of the race. Perhaps what I mentioned to some family and friends was true… my head wasn’t into it in the way I needed it to be, so it took a lot more out of me mentally just to get  the basics done (fuel, figure out pace, position, tune into body, etc.). Either way, I can sum my feelings about the race as this: content, but still hungry. Execution left much to be desired.

[dandelliongirl]

Done

and alive.

This year the JLPT was not as much of an Experience with a capital E. I’m sure having done it last year and being familiar with how the test practicalities are conducted helped out a bunch. Also seeing all the nervous fist timers calmed me down a lot. I wasn’t all that nervous and after the exam I wasn’t as tired as last time. I remember being basically brain dead for a couple of days after JLPT last year but we went to have dinner, shop for crossword puzzles and sit at a café before getting on our train back and I was fine. My stomach wasn’t acting up too bad, I felt a bit of a nervous ache but it wasn’t crippling like it was last year. I’m really proud of myself for that even if my score wasn’t much better. I managed to read through all the texts in the reading comprehension and the texts were relatively easy. Grammar was pretty decent as well, but vocab was super difficult. I only got a few ones that I was sure of so it’s basically up to luck what the result will be. Our listening comprehension part sucked because the test supervisor did not know how to use a computer and get the tape to run, and in the end we started it late and the volume was really quiet. The questions were also super difficult so I wasn’t all that confident in my answers either. I’m sure it’s a passing grade from the listening part but it won’t contribute as much to my overall score as I would’ve liked to and as it normally has done. It’ll be a matter of the overall score being too low or then the vocab/grammar section scoring too low I think. Or both. Anyway as of right now I still think this will be the last time and I’m never ever retaking it even if I fail this second time. It costs too much money and evidently no amount of studying is going to help me actually pass the test as it’s all luck anyway so screw that. Who knows though, maybe by the end of January when the results are posted I’ll feel up to doing it again in 2018 but I honestly doubt it..

So that was basically my weekend. All of last week was devoted to finishing up my thesis, revising for the JLPT and going to bed early every night. On Friday I had a ballet class and after class I went to sleep over at home. On Saturday morning we went to get groceries and mum dropped me off to ballet again. After class mum took me to the apartment, I cleaned everything up, took a shower, had something to eat and left for the train. We spent our train ride reading and revising up a storm, and continued that throughout the evening. I slept a bit better this time around but I did wake up because I was cold and kept waking up a few times just because. The exam took all of Sunday and in the evening we had a few hours to kill before our train. I’m glad we booked the later train though - we wouldn’t have made it to the previous one because of the lady’s PC skills.. In the second train we also got to sit in our own allergy compartment with only two seats, peace, quiet and all the leg space in the world.♥

I wasn’t home until 11pm on Sunday. I had something to eat and emptied my bag. This morning I slept in and I’ve been playing a lot of piano. I also continued playing MEA and attempted to get Toy Day info from my villagers in ACNL since I haven’t played yet in December. Didn’t catch Julian or Merry at all and I’m not talking to Felicity because I want her to move out, but the rest of them were nice enough to at least tell me 1/2 if not both pieces of info. I baked some crescent rolls and I’m about to start heading for bed. I need to go to the office tomorrow, and then to ballet in the evening. Then I’m going home for the night again.

So a few more thesis free days until I start to proofread up a storm. I’ve got 1½ weeks until the deadline I’ve set for myself for submitting. Basically I want it out of my hands on the 15th at latest. I can’t believe it’s practically done? I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of reworking during proofreading and after my feedback in January but for now I’ve done pretty damn well to have it finished on time. I’ve put so much effort and so many hours into it and I haven’t taken a single week off since May 2017 and Christmas 2016 before that. I’ve worked damn hard that’s for sure. I just hope it won’t be crushed and that I won’t have to massively rewrite anything else in 2018. It’s been 1½ years of my life already and I want it to be over with.

I’ve been feeling down all day. It’s probably because of all the free time that I have now that half of my day doesn’t go to JLPT stuff. I also miss my guy a lot, and it hurts to know he doesn’t miss me. He even told me that he wouldn’t mind moving into separate apartments once he comes back. I’m kind of wishing he would’ve just moved out and broken up with me because a breakup would’ve been easier to deal with than missing him like crazy for an entire year while he doesn’t care about me anymore, and knowing it’s possible our relationship might never work again.. I know I worry too much and I should just live my life and not care about him and we’ll see how things go once he’s actually back on the same continent as me but all this extra time that I’ve had today has not been helping. At least 60% of my shitty mood is how angry and disappointed I am at myself for letting him affect me this much. My guy’s sister decided that once she moves back home in January she’d come over and make me a Tinder profile and make me a hoe so that we can go hoeing around together and I appreciate her sentiment so much but obviously that’s just not something that I could ever do. I am glad I can talk to my guy’s sister though because she does a lot of this international LDR stuff and she knows her brother well. She’s coming to visit me sometime in the next few days. Relationships are hard, at least I have Jaal. I fell in love today and I fell hard. We’ll see if he ends up as my romance, so far it’s looking very much likely.

I put my up Christmas tree and the rest of my decorations today. It’s officially December and the year is coming to an end. I haven’t bought any presents yet.