#anyway my brain has been running in circles all day

[cupcakes-and-pain]

Shoutout to my siblings for putting up with my neurodivergent ass. Just now I remembered how multiple times I tried to convince them that we should roleplay a complex trading system between towns and/or nations. I wanted no plot, one dimensional characters, and all the focus on trade. It's a miracle they didn't tease me more lol

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[really-fanny-longbottom]

okay sooooo

i had this little thought right

okay so maybe like reader has been a part of the inner circle for a looooong time like since the batboys were kids and they've all been friends forever, naturaly azriel has been in love with her since then, and a few years ago he realised they were mates (she doesn't know)

this one time she walks into the townhouse in just a bra and trousers, casually just walking in drinking coffee while the rhys and cass are just flabbergasted (cass being cass is eyeing the goods real hard because shes always been hot and he knows it) rhys is smirking and all (hes no less honestly)

then az walks in and hes just like what the fuck, she tries to explain smth happened to her shirt on the way and hes just grumbling and takes off his own shirt and is like put this own (cass is naturally making comments that make az's blood boil)

then you can choose where that goes from there

lmfaoooo im so sorry i couldn't get this idea out of my head

its okayyyy if you can't write it!!!

hi! sorry it took me so long to post but i've been really busy with university and only now have i had some free time.

anyway, here it is! thank you so much for this request, i loved writing it!

i hope you like it! 🫶🏻

my hero

summary: a small but very happy incident.

warnings: none

pairings: azriel x reader

words: 2.2k

tick 

tack

tick 

tack 

"ugh," a heavy groan escaped your lips at the sound of the clock. you seated slightly, your head pounding without mercy. 

as you looked at the window, your eyes fought against the early sunlight, before adjusting and finally allowing you to fully open them.

it took you a few seconds to remember your surroundings, and to be honest, to remember anything. 

the confusion didn't last long when all the memories from last night hit you all at once. 

you had gone out for the night with morrigan. you went to rita's for a girls night.

a night with a lot of drinking and dancing and singing and drinking again — mysterious headache solved.

you looked down on you, seeing the shiny short black dress you had chosen for last night specifically. 

you passed your hands through your messy hair and took a glance at your bedroom, absorbing the chaos that a very drunk you had caused.

how could just a person cause such a mess?

tick 

tack

tick

tack

"ugh!" a loud annoyed groan left your lips again

at the sound of the clock that kept attacking your brain. 

before you could think twice, you turned and reached out to punch the clock, causing it to fall to the ground.

you lowered yourself on the bed sheets with an arm over your head.

this was going to be a very long day.

and that's when it you.

your eyes and two seconds later, your legs were fighting against the bed sheets. 

after losing that battle, you ended up falling to the ground with a loud noise. 

a small 'huff' came out of your mouth before getting up and running to the clock as quickly as possible to check the time. 

10:07 am

"oh, shit."

you were late for your internship at the clinic.

"oh, shit."

you quickly begin to look for clean clothes at the same time you try to get rid of your dress. 

you manage to find something that looked relatively clean and put it on, your heart racing as you tried to get your hair to not look like a complete mess.

when you finished putting your hair in a more presentable state, you hurried to put on your shoes, but when you noticed the time again, you only managed to put on a sock before grabbing the first pair of shoes in sight and running out of your room. 

as you run for the stairs, you didn't have time to react before a body collided with yours and spilled coffee all over your t-shirt.

the hot contents against your skin forced you to let out a small scream and dropped the shoes to the floor as you struggled to pull the fabric of your t-shirt away from your body. 

"shit, shit, shit!" you cursed at the same time you blew on your t-shirt.

great, as if your day wasn't already going badly. 

"sorry," a small voice said.

you met your attacker's gaze as you looked up to see a beautiful female with green eyes and brown hair — morrigan's friend. 

right, you had forgotten that she had come home with the two of you — with mor. 

the female looked mortified as you stared at her annoyed. when you saw her opening her mouth to say something, you quickly stopped her.

"don't," you raised your hand at her, you didn't have time for this, "just. . .just go."

you pointed at morrigan's bedroom, whose door was slightly open. the female followed your direction, shrinking a little as she passed through you.

"idiot!" you cursed quietly. 

you looked at your bedroom and considered your options: the chances that you may find a new clean t-shirt in the middle of that mess, were very low and you were already late.

so you gave up and made your way down the stairs, starting to unbutton your shirt before completely taking it off, leaving you in your black lacy bra, and entering the kitchen.

rhysand and cassian who had been enjoying a late breakfast found themselves speechless upon your entrance. 

their gazes followed you as you moved to the sink and started working on removing the stain.

the males shared a gaze between them, identical smirks forming on both of their faces.

"good morning, y/n." rhysand greeted you as he took a sip of his tea cup.

you jumped startled, your eyes found theirs immediately, "gods, i didn't see you there."

rhysand's smirk grew wider. "oh, we know."

"did you get mugged?" cassian asked as he took in your figure.

you were barefoot with only one sock and shirtless.

"what?" you asked confused. 

cassian's eyes roam over your body.

"oh, no, morrigan's friend though it was a good idea to spill her coffee over me. freaking idiot," you murmured the last part, still focused on the task in hand.

cassian let out a snort "well, i'll make sure to thank her personally for this amazing view."

you rolled your eyes at his comment "oh, shut up, cassian. we grew up together, we've all seen each other naked at one point."

rhys smirked and grew before adding "sure, but we were either kids or teenagers at those times." 

cassian glanced at his brother, amusement all over his features "maybe we should go back to those times."

with another roll of your eyes, you tried to suppress a smile at your friend's comment while trying to get rid of the stain.

as on cue, the shadowsinger entered the kitchen to join his brothers for breakfast.

instead, he was surprised with a view of you shirtless — his shirtless mate.

the very reason, rhys and cassian had begun to tease you in the first place. 

what made this whole situation much funnier — the fact that you weren't aware of this detail. 

and things had just become a lot more interesting now with azriel in the room. 

his eyes widened at the sight of you but when he turned to find his brothers, his eyes darkened and a low growl was released.

"nice of you to join us, brother," cassian said casually as he leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest.

he can practically feel the heat coming off of azriel, like smoke coming out of his ears.

"what's wrong, az?" rhys asked him, knowing exactly what was going on but seeing azriel riled up was too funny to miss it.

at the sound of their voices, you looked up and your eyes found a pair of hazel ones.

"oh, hi, azriel." you greeted him with your sweet smile — the one he liked so much.

the shadowsinger found himself melting at your words, at the way you said his name. 

his eyes instantly softed, a small blush coming to his cheeks and a goofy smile on his lips, "h-hi, y/n." 

you gave him a warm smile before going back to your task.

azriel regained his composure at the sound of his brothers' muffled laughter. 

he sighed and rolled his eyes at their behavior, he hadn't catched a break from them since he revealed the mating bond on one drunken night.

cassian elbowed rhys gently in the ribs to get his attention, when his eyes found his, the general gestured with his head to the shadowsinger. 

"hey, az" cassian tried to contain his urge to laugh, he knew what was about to happen. 

"what?" azriel managed to say, his eyes still on your figure.

"we were just talking. . ." cassian started, his voice teasing "about going back to those times when we were teenagers." 

azriel face scrunched in confusion, he shot his brother a look. 

"you know," cassian continued, his peripheral vision caught rhys trying to control himself  "those times where we didn't care about being naked in front of each other." 

both rhys and cassian snorted at the sight of azriel's face turning red.

"what?!" the male let out a little too loud then he had intended.

rhys proceeded, "yeah, you know. when we didn't care so much about formalities. don't you agree, y/n?" 

you rolled your eyes again at rhys comment, "i think you two have too much free time" you chuckled, "cauldron has mercy on the poor females that will ended up as your mates."

"hey!" both cassian and rhys protested.

azriel smiled at your comment, but it fell when he observed both of his brothers eyes roaming over your body, grins splattered on their features.

azriel moved to the edge of the table, placing his hands on the surface of it before giving them a glare and clenching his jaw.

"stop looking at her like that before i break your faces" he threatened through gritted teeth. 

cassian and rhys were quick to lift their arms in surrender, both muttering a small "yes, sir." 

azriel rolled his eyes in annoyance. his attention was caught when he heard you cursed quietly. 

he sent one last warning look to the two males before moving to stand behind you.

he was so close, that all it took was another step of his for your back to be pressed against his chest.

azriel would love to know the feeling of that sensation, but he remained where he was.

he peeked through your shoulder and saw that you couldn't get rid of the annoying coffee stain. 

"gods, madja is going to kill me for being late." 

without a second thought, azriel took a step back.

"here," he told you.

you turned to find him taking off his own shirt.

your eyes roamed his body — his sun-kissed skin, his muscles, his illyrian tattoos. 

you loved those tattoos. 

"put it on," he extended his hand to you, holding out his shirt.

"oh, that's not necessary, az. i-"

"it's okay, y/n. i- i want you too. by the way, why don't you go get your shoes and i'll take you to the clinic? it's quicker that way and you don't have to walk." 

your face softened, "really? you would do that?" 

the corner of his lips lifted for a small smile, only you to make him feel this way.

"of course." 

you grabbed his shirt, "ugh, thank you, az."

you put it on and azriel tried to not let the sight of your small feature into his too big of a shirt to affect him, but he failed when his heart skipped a beat.

you moved forward and grabbed his cheeks, kissing him on the left one.

caught off guard, azriel tried to hide the fact that his skin had heated up under your touch. 

a new blush came to decorate his cheeks. 

"hm. . .i-" the male couldn't find his words with the sound of his heart roaming in his ears. 

"you're my hero, az" you gave a big smile before making your way to the stairs to collect your shoes. 

azriel stood there in the middle of the kitchen with a hand making it's way to his face to touch the place you kissed him.

cassian and rhys burst out laughing, not being able to remain composed of their brother in love. 

cassian got up from his seat and walked towards his brother, clasping a hand on his back.

"behold of the big bad scary shadow-," cassian leaned over in laughter, "shadowsinger" he managed to complete. 

rhys appeared on his other side, "oh, brother. only if your enemies could see you now, they would think how big of a fool they are."  

azriel clenched his jaw again, and when he turned to answer them, he was stopped by a honey-sweet voice.

"i'm ready," you told him from the entrance.

once again, the shadowsinger was left completely disarmed.

a goofy smile reappeared on his face. 

he didn't even spare a glance at his brothers before making his way to you, "let's go then."

cassian and rhys were left in the kitchen laughing to themselves.

•••

the trip to the clinic was quick.

azriel landed softly on the ground, keeping a hand on your waist and another on your back to make sure you were stable.

you took a step forward before turning to him.

"thank you again, az. you literally just saved my morning." 

and there it was that goofy smile again.

"oh, it's nothing really. my pleasure." 

you let out a small giggle. you reached forward, surrounding his neck with one of your arms and gave him a kiss on the cheek again.

azriel's heart raced and his voice caught in his throat. 

you took a step back "you're my hero, azriel. what would i do without you?" 

you caressed his cheek with the back of your hand before giving him one last smile and moving towards the clinic.

"hm, i-" was all the male managed to say while watching you entering the clinic with his shirt.

he watched as you grabbed the door, and turned to him to wave goodbye. 

azriel returned the gesture. it was at that moment that he realized how much power you had over him.

he didn't push away that feeling, in fact he embraced it.

it was about time to let the walls he had built so long ago disappear. 

and you were the right person for that.

azriel made a decision at that moment.

at the end of the day, he would come pick you up and ask you out on a date.

he would buy you flowers, tell you how he felt and take you to dinner.

he just hoped you felt the same way.

and that you said yes.

masterlist

general taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @littlelou22 @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @meul-a @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa @mrsjna @lively-potter @avajustreads @talesofadragon @circe143 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @dark-chaos-314 @tequilya @scoliobean @saltedcoffeescotch @charlotteintumbleland @agirlwithwifiandalaptop @987coley

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because I couldn't find your blog.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

[allpiesforourown]

OKAY SO I have way too many WIPs to write a role reversal fic and I meant to just yap about my au and ended up writing 2k words about it if you want to read it below...

oblivious shizun luo binghe / oblivious disciple shen yuan

First of all i've been reading a lot of role reversal fics lately but big shout out to ao3 user anqlbean for this fic because it really gave me "fuckboy shizun binghe, hiding that he's a demon lord" brain rot

Okay so anyway. In fair cang qiong sect where we lay our scene-

Luo Binghe is the Qing Jing peak lord. He’s also the heavenly emperor of the demon realm. No one knows both of his identities except for mobei jun and a handful of other people from his inner circle. It’s risky for a demon to hide as one of the cultivation world’s most prominent figures, but he likes having the best of both worlds!

Enter Shen Yuan: Shen Yuan's cultivation history is somewhat similar to Shen Jiu's in that he started cultivating late and joined Qing Jing well into his teens. He’s about 16 when he becomes Binghe’s student, but the thing is… Luo Binghe is kind of just the peak lord in name.

He spends his free time getting laid in the next town or going on an adventure with some hot demoness instead of giving classes. He’ll go on cultivation missions and take requests from villages and whatnot, but he doesn't bother teaching his disciples, just gives them a cultivation manual and tells them to figure it out. Half the time when students greet him on the peak he just nods because he doesnt even remember the disciple’s name. It’s fine though, once every few months he’ll take a break from all the one night stands and actually take a student along with him on a mission, just to keep the sect leader from complaining. “See, I teach my kids! Last month I took what’s-his-name on a night hunt!”

By the time Luo Binghe bothers to take Shen Yuan along for a mission, Shen Yuan is already 20 and has been on the peak for 4 years. Luo Binghe barely knows he exists, and he justs wants to collect this herb he was tasked with retrieving, send Shen Yuan back with it, and then get nasty with the woman back in the village who gave them directions to the cave that grows it. 

Unfortunately for Binghe, the cave is also home to one of the few flowers that can affect a demon lord. Binghe can’t move as he falls to the ground and hears his student yell “Shizun!” and run over.

They can hear monsters nearby so Shen Yuan’s two options are to 1) heal his shizun by taking advantage of Binghe's body or 2) abandon him to die and leave by himself. Binghe has experienced both multiple times, and is ready for either one. He's not ready for Shen Yuan to choose a third option that no one has ever chosen before: heaving Luo Binghe onto his back, transferring him qi, and using every bit of strength to carry him to safety. 

By the time they return to the cave’s entrance, Shen Yuan only has enough energy to use a talisman signalling the sect for help before they both pass out. 

When Luo Binghe wakes up, the Qian Cao peak lord is asking him how he feels while his head disciple is yelling at a sheepish Shen Yuan for doing something reckless again! Apparently this is not the first time Shen Yuan has exhausted himself for the sake of another person. 

Over the next few days, he can’t think of anything other than his student. 

(Also, he secretly feels kind of… angry??? Was his body so unappealing to Shen Yuan that he'd rather half-die than dual cultivate with him?? He's not sure why he's so pissed off by the idea, it's not like he's ever wanted to dual cultivate with a man before, but still…)

Finally he decides he has every right to be curious about shen yuan, that’s his disciple! Unfortunately while Binghe was ignoring Shen Yuan's existence for the past few years, his disciple has managed to build up… a reputation at Cang Qiong. 

Oh Shen Yuan selflessly saved Luo Binghe? Big deal, saving people is an average Tuesday for Shen Yuan, apparently! “He stopped my qi deviation” this, “he threw me out of a poisonous demon's way” that. 

For the first time ever, Luo Binghe is not special. If anything, he has less pull with Shen Yuan than anyone else at Cang Qiong, because everyone else knows Shen Yuan better. Luo Binghe doesn’t know Shen Yuan’s birthday, but the rest of his students make sure to throw Shen Yuan a party every year to thank him for all his tutoring. Binghe is SO far behind, which is a feeling he hasn’t felt in YEARS. 

About a month after the mission, he finally sees Shen Yuan sparring alone. Luo Binghe walks over, acting unbothered and nonchalant even though he's screaming internally. He greets his disciple and says, “This master has yet to properly thank Shen Yuan for his assistance at the cave… join me at the bamboo house tonight.” 

Shen Yuan apologizes, says he has important plans but would love to join him another night, then spends the rest of the day off the peak with the An Ding head disciple. 

Luo Binghe is flabbergasted. He's less important than an An Ding disciple???? Really??? Fucking An Ding????? 

After that, Luo Binghe……. He isn’t stalking Shen Yuan, despite what Liu Mingyan (Xian Su peak lord) might say with excited eyes. He’s just keeping an eye on this interesting disciple he never knew he had! In secret. 

He walks in on Qingge and Shen Yuan “sparring” and sees the exact moment Shen Yuan oversteps, loses his balance and goes tumbling on top of Liu Qingge. Binghe storms over, picks Shen Yuan up by the back of his robe like a cat, and physically separates the two of them. The two disciples gawk at how weird that was and he has no idea how to come up with an excuse for whatever the hell that just was. 

Instead he asks what they’re doing. 

Shen Yuan, being polite and answering the question: Liu-shidi and I are heading on a mission soon-

Luo Binghe: this master shall join you.

Shen Yuan: uh… it's a very simple request, two disciples are more than en-

Luo Binghe: this. Master. Shall. Join. You.

Liu Qingge: ???? What the hell is his problem 

Shen Yuan: Okay… this disciple is grateful for shizun’s assistance…?

Their flight to the village is dead quiet. 

The townspeople sigh theyre so glad they’re here, some demonic creature has been destroying their wildlife! This area makes most of their money with lumber exports, so if the creature continues to destroy their trees, it’ll result in huge losses. 

When they find the demon, Shen Yuan starts yapping non stop. It’s like he’s suddenly transformed into a textbook, explaining that this little beaver-esque demon needs to chew up trees for its survival. Luo Binghe is bored out of his mind and pulls out his sword. 

Shen Yuan gaps and picks up the small creature, holding it protectively against his chest. “This species isn’t even violent! We can’t kill it!” 

Luo Binghe crosses his arms and says they have to complete this commission somehow. Shen Yuan argues they can simply relocate the demon somewhere else! Luo Binghe expects Liu Qingge to complain or brutishly try to kill it, but he shrugs and says he’ll follow Shen Yuan. Apparently this happens regularly…

By the time they rehome the creature somewhere it won’t be a bother, it’s too late to fly back to the sect.

The only close by inn apologizes and says they only have two rooms left, and each one is a single bed. They can have a mat sent up, but…

Binghe says he should room with Shen Yuan because they’re both from Qing Jing, and (he glares at Liu Qingge as he says this) Liu Qingge is an outsider. Liu Qingge narrows his eyes and says it would be inappropriate for a peak lord to share a room with a lowly disciple, so he should room with Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan cheerfully chimes in that he and Liu-shidi sleep together all the time! “Whenever shidi and I camp outdoors, he says he prefers sleeping on the ground. He’ll be happy to take the mat.”

Luo Binghe's smile becomes a little forced, but shen Yuan doesn't even notice the murderous intent rolling off his shizun, aimed at his friend from Bai Zhan. 

In the end, Shen Yuan gets one room, and Liu Qingge gets the other. Luo Binghe insists his cultivation is high enough he doesn’t need to sleep, and had no intention to sleep tonight anyway.

This is a perfect time to go and find a brothel or a hookup. He realizes this is the longest he’s gone without sex in a long time, all because he’s been obsessed with Shen Yuan so much lately. But he’s got too much on his mind to do that tonight… He’s still thinking of the loving way Shen Yuan protected that small helpless demon, going as far as defying a peak lord for its sake.

Shen Yuan is… someone with shockingly good character. Despite being surrounded by cultivators, meeting people who are good is surprisingly rare. He doesn’t want his sweet disciple to have that lovely sense of justice stolen away from him by… gross perverts like Liu Qingge lusting after him! 

(He’s not projecting!)

He’s already neglected Shen Yuan as a shizun for so many years. Now he has to step and make up for all that time! He’s decided what he has to do. 

First thing in the morning, he knocks on Shen Yuan’s door. He hears a sweet ‘Come in!’ from inside and for some reason he feels… really nervous. Inside, Shen Yuan is sitting on his bed, brushing his hair, and he smiles when he looks up and sees Luo Binghe. “Good morning, shizun.”

Good morning??? How can he say something so casually, without a hint of shame, looking like that?? He’s wearing nothing but one layer that’s not even thick enough to hide his body! He can see Shen Yuan’s milky thighs and small chest!!!! What the fuck!?

(Is this how he walks around the shared dorms on Qing Jing? Do all the other disciples see the outline of his body through his thin layer every morning?? The longer he stares, the more he tells himself he’s making the right decision by doing this.)

He cuts right to the chase. “Once we return, Shen Yuan shall move his belongings into the bamboo house. This lord will teach him all there is to know about being Qing Jing’s head disciple.” He makes it clear that this is a statement, not a request – he’s not giving Shen Yuan a choice. 

Shen Yuan gawks at him, and Luo Binghe says they’ll discuss things more in detail once they return to Qing Jing, but from this moment on, he represents himself as Luo Binghe’s head disciple. It takes Shen Yuan a few minutes to really comprehend what’s going on, but eventually he bows in thanks and throws on another, thicker layer. Shen Yuan moves for the door and says, “I better tell Liu-shidi-”

Luo Binghe’s hand moves before he can stop himself, and they’re both surprised by the deathly tight grip he has on Shen Yuan’s wrist. 

Luo Binghe clears his throat and lets go. “You should let him be. Sometimes if you spend too much time with a person, it can become off-putting.” There, surely that will keep Shen Yuan away from that brute, right?

Shen Yuan says, “Ohhh,” and then smiles. “Don't worry shizun,” he says gently, “This disciple understands what you're saying. Once I move into the bamboo house, I'll make sure to give shizun his space.” 

Then Shen Yuan walks away and closes the door behind him. Luo Binghe can hear Shen Yuan telling Liu Qingge the good news, “I don’t know if shizun is joking or not, but wouldn’t it be nice for us to do our head disciple work together?” 

Luo Binghe realizes that Shen Yuan is going to RUIN him, and he’ll do it without even realizing. 

[sugawarassoulmate]

not nut november - nov 04/nov 05

after the first few days, they were feeling great. then the weekend came.

tutor!akaashi & shitty bf!daishou

word count: 423 & 290

cw: fem!reader, bimbo!reader, unprotected sex, cheating/infidelity, choking, minors dni

tutor!akaashi

who even does studying on a saturday night? akaashi does, which means you have to too

you're in one of the study rooms at the campus library, which feels a little redundant since it's practically abandoned on a saturday night

"what act and scene is this line from?" akaashi asks, cooly. he's been quizzing you on king lear for the past three hours, making sure you knew could identify the passages for your midterm

"act three, scene two?" you guess but akaashi's eyes already tell you that you're wrong. "ugh, can we take a break, keiji? my brain is turning to mush!"

akaashi would argue that your brain was mush to begin with but there's no use continuing when you've already given up

there was one way he could motivate you to keep studying — it was for your own good really, you weren't smart enough to pass this exam just by winging it

but he remembers the bet he made with his friends earlier this week something about not having sex during the whole month. it was stupid but he knew he'd never hear the end of it from bokuto if he lost

akaashi supposes he could just eat you out while you study but nothing does the trick more than making you sit on his cock, making you read out his notes while you bounce in his lap...

it's not long before akaashi has you bent over the desk, skirt flipped up and panties pushed to the side. "come on, don't just think with your pussy, recite the line for me," he says, pulling you by the hair

"ahhh, 'when thou dost ask me blessing, i'll'—fuck, keiji!" you cry when he pulls out only to slam back into you.

a slap to your ass is what brings you back to reality. "'i'll...i'll kneel down and ask of thee forgiveness' uhhh, act five, scene three?" you answered, crying when akaashi's fingers circle your clit.

"look at that, she's finally using her little brain," akaashi coos, snapping his hips harder into you. "read the next one." he says, knowing this is the only way you'll pass

he can say it's for your benefit as much as he wants to but akaashi is just as guilty of thinking with his crotch, maybe even more so

akaashi only lets you cum when you've gone through all of the study guide and he rewards you by spilling his seed deep inside your womb and walking you to your dorm with his cum running down your leg

shitty bf!daishou

saturdays are meant for your girlfriend. taking her on dates and watching shows with her

but it's not saturday and you're not daishou's girlfriend, which is why he's technically not breaking any no nut november rules right now

his friends explicitly said that fucking your girl was off limits for the entire month

which is why he turned to you the first chance he got

"sugu!" the two of you barely made it past your door, with daishou pouncing on you the second he shut it behind him

now he's got you spread out on your floor, a hand wrapped around your throat

"shhh, i know, babe," he whispers, pace never letting up as he abuses your cunt. "you're gonna take all my cum this month, yeah? be my fuckin' cum dump?"

it's so sick and your heart breaks for mika, completely unaware that her boyfriend is balls deep in someone else—someone she calls a friend

but you nod anyway because for an entire month daishou's body will belong to you

mika will have to wonder about the faint smell of your perfume on his clothes, wondering why it smells so familiar

it's pathetic and cruel and so unlike you but it's what you want more than anything

"yes, yes, sugu! i want your cum," you gasp, nails running down his back "i'll take all of it, just give it to me, please!"

and daishou just loves the desperation, grunting a quick "that's my girl," before fucking you harder than ever

and as your eyes roll into the back of your head, and you feel the warmth of daishou's cum flooding your cunt, all that goes through your head is his voice saying "that's my girl," over and over

©sugawarassoulmate 2023 all rights reserved - please do not repost/translate my work on other platforms!

[wutheringmights]

After I finished reading The Epic of Gilgamesh today, I entered a fugue state where I sat down and read the entirety of Alanna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce.

On the record, I have had a lifelong love and adoration for Pierce's Tortall books. I first read the Song of the Lioness quartet when I was 11, and they rewrote my brain. I love them so much. I reread them and the other Tortall books on a semi-frequent schedule.

It's been a while since I reread any of the Alanna books, if only because my sister took our shared copies when she moved out. I've been meaning to buy my own set for a long while now but haven't been able to justify the purchase. The other week, I just so happened to find the first two volumes at my local indie bookstore. I bought them immediately, as well as ordered the third and fourth book. (And discovered that the store owner knows me by name-- when I went to pick up my order, she saw me and said, Hi Frankie! I got your books over here.) (I may be spending too much money there.)

So I have been in a bit of an emotional rut these past few weeks. Work sucks. Life stinks. The temptation to run off to Tortall and curl up in the fantasy story that captivated me as a kid has never been stronger.

Ergo, I ran off to read the first book as soon as I could.

If you're looking for any critique of this book, series, or Tortall in general, I will never give it. Sure, it's problematic and dated, and in many ways imperfect, but someone else can list out all of its issues. They're all perfect to me.

Anyway, the book. I should say something about this book in particular.

One thing I appreciate about Pierce's writing is how she handles school settings in fantasy. Learning and training is so mundane. All of her heroines have to work hard and put in extra hours of study in order to improve, much less keep up with their peers. It's so normal that it circles around to being weirdly refreshing.

Also, there is still no other fantasy author who handles period talk and birth control the way Pierce does. We make fun of the trope of fantasy birth control nowadays, but I rarely see it presented as it is here: as a part of normal puberty lessons and given long before sex is in the girl's radar. And even today with the glut of YA fantasy stories out there, I still have yet to see menstruation be portrayed as frequently or as bluntly as Pierce writes it.

There was a period of time publishers really tried to push the Tortall books as straight YA, which doesn't work for that reason alone. You gotta market them to middle schoolers. They're the ones just starting puberty talks, and getting scenes like this is so good for their brains.

Moving on: I fucking love these characters. Alanna was an icon of brash, temperamental heroines that have shaped my taste to this day. I love how even in the first book, Jon is kinda shitty. I adore George Cooper. Talk about a taste maker the way this man sets a standard.

I just can't be coherent when it comes to any Tortall books. I have no thoughts. Head empty. I am going to binge the rest of this series as quickly as I can before my library book comes in. Then normal book content will resume.

Before I go, I need to talk about the book covers.

Growing up, my sister and I had these covers:

Which, god. I love them. The black is striking. The art is incredible. Alanna looks so good. They were the perfect pocket-size too. I was going to buy the same edition for my copies, but instead I got the 40th anniversary reprints:

Not bad at all! These books have had some seriously bad covers, and these look great! Very anime, which will appeal to the 11 year olds who need to have their socks rocked by this series.

But, man. I really miss those black covers. One day I will splurge and buy a second set of them just so that I can stare at the art.

[caystar13star]

Update: I wrote it:

Ok I know it was said that originally Jake was supposed to be Iceman’s son. Let’s say he is, along with his twin brother, Tyler. They grew up mostly in Texas because that’s where their Aunt Sarah and Uncle Slider ended up when Ice started climbing the ranks. They decided as a family (Ice/Mav and Sarah/Slider) that the boys would be better off having a stable home. They did spend their summers with their dad and Mav whenever they could, and they would come visit the boys when they were on leave.

They knew Bradley, but weren’t especially close since he was several years older. Tyler was jealous of him because he lived with Ice and Mav after Carole died (he and Jake were offered the choice but Jake didn’t want to leave their school and Tyler didn’t want to leave Jake.)

Anyway, both boys were super excited about going to the Academy and becoming aviators like their dad(s) and uncles. They were popular in school, but while Jake played baseball and football, Tyler rode in the rodeo.

Tyler was good, like potentially going pro good, until he was stepped on by a bull when he was sixteen. It broke the bone in his thigh, leading to him having a rod put in to stabilize it. He woke up from surgery to see Jake passed out in Mav’s lap, and Mav crying as he held Tyler’s hand.

“Pops?” he croaked, squeezing his hand softly. “Where’s Dad?”

Mav wiped his tears and leaned over to kiss Tyler’s forehead. “He’s coming, baby. He had to wrap some stuff up in Hawaii, and I was closer so I got here faster.”

Tyler tried to figure out the look on Mav’s face. It reminded him of when someone would bring up Bradley. He wasn’t sure why he was on the other side of that look.

“Ty, baby, we need to talk,” Mav shuddered and braced himself, not ready to do this again, but he had to be the parent here. “They had to operate on your leg, sweetheart.”

Tyler glanced down, seeing the bulky cast that reached from his ankle almost to his hip. He remembered the blinding pain he felt as the bull came down directly on his thigh. He was pretty sure he’d passed out immediately.

“Okay? Am I going to lose my leg or something?” That would explain the look. Mav didn’t do pity, but he oozed empathy. He took everyone’s pain as his own.

Mav shook his head and grabbed his hand tighter. “No, baby, no! You’ll be just fine,” he assured him. “You have a long recovery ahead, but you should be able to walk and run eventually.”

Tyler sighed in relief, looking down at his twin, noticing the dark circles under Jake’s eyes. He’d been at the rodeo, with a rowdy group of his football teammates. He must have been so worried.

“Ty,” Mav called his attention back. “They had to put a metal rod in your leg. You lost some of the bone and this was the only way to stabilize it.”

Tyler didn’t understand why he sounded so apologetic. Mav must have seen his confusion and he sighed. “Tyler, you won’t be able to fly for the Navy.”

His brain whited out for a moment, like a record scratch. His whole life had been planned as long as he could remember. He and Jake. Together in school and in the sky. They already had their pilots’ licenses as soon as they could get them. They flew their dad’s Cessna regularly just to stay fresh. But the F-18 was the goal.

What was he going to do now?

Also, Tyler has no patience for Bradley’s temper tantrum after this. He didn’t come see him when Tyler was in the hospital, and that irritated Jake too.

After the mission, they’re all reconnected and Bradley and Jake come visit Tyler to introduce him to Phoenix and Bob. Tyler is sweet and welcoming to everyone except Bradley.

Days go by and Jake wakes up one morning to hear Bradley and Tyler yelling at each other on the back porch. He runs down to play interference.

“You don’t understand, Ty! I had a right to be mad!!”

“Oh, no,” Tyler scoffed loudly, “I wouldn’t know anything about having my dreams ripped out from under me and having to completely change my life plans! I wouldn’t understand that at all!”

[scoobydoodean]

ok so I deeply love and respect your thoughts on supernatural because the majority of them line up with what I've been thinking for years but you said something the other day that I keep turning over in my brain and it was something along the lines of carver liking dean more than sam - I know you're in the middle of rewatching s4 but I would love to hear you expound on that (if you have time) because I remember being in the fandom while carvernatural was airing and it was pretty much when the deangirl exodus started. in fact I think people tore into him worse than dabb even 😭

feel free to hold onto this until later when you start the carver seasons if you wish :)

<3 I'll go ahead and answer this one, because it's more of a "broad strokes" thing for me, and I've been rewatching very slowly (on purpose) so that could be a very long wait.

This is so funny because I can just picture Sam fans reading it and turning red and their blood boiling with the fire of a thousand suns but the TL;DR is that season 8-11 (Carver era) broad strokes to me are:

Sam sucks and is a worse brother and person than Dean.

Sam spends the first two seasons of Carver's run thinking he's a better person than Dean anyway and then the second two knowing he sucks, deciding to embrace his moral flexibility to keep Dean alive no matter the cost, and trying to mend things.

Dean is circled by many potential suitors who also in a sense represent Sam replacements because Sam sucks: Benny, Cas, Crowley, and Amara.

Dean knows that Sam sucks and part of him wants to get tf away from him very badly but another part of him feels guilty for wanting that. Family is suffering. Family is a chain around your neck keeping you tied to them via guilt. (Demon Dean represents the desire for escape, as does Amara).

Everybody wants to be with Dean, be Dean, and/or be loved by Dean. Dean is love. Dean is the world. Dean is the reason for existing. Everybody is lovesick about him. Sam is just there.

Sam needs to stop blaming Dean for so many things and learn to own his own choices.

That was fun to write down.

Longer commentary/explanation below the cut.

Season 8 (Carver's first season) literally begins with a Sam character assassination. It begins with us learning that Sam knowingly left Kevin to spend the rest of his life kidnapped and tortured without even telling a soul what happened to him. Not only did he abandon Dean and Cas as well but he didn't even look for them, and refuses to give a satisfying answer as to why.

Season 8 Sam's abandonment as distinct from previous behavior

I have had people this year who I love and respect tell me they don't view this as a character assassination and say they believe this is in character for Sam. I simply do not agree with that. I talk about this as it relates to Kevin here.

Sam has displayed selfishness and a big ego at many points in the series up to season 8. He's told a lot of lies (sometimes to the point of gaslighting), he's gone behind Dean's back to do things that affect Dean's life, he's taken traumatic experiences Dean opened up to him about and ultimately harmed Dean with them, he's shown resentments and anger, he's displayed jealousy, he's displayed a sense of superiority. He has never abandoned his brother to die without even trying. The Sam of season 3 would eviscerate season 8 Sam for this.

Sometimes Sam says and does things he shouldn't, but his crimes do not include "abandoning Dean to die without even looking for him" up to season 8. Many of his crimes happen at least partly because he really really doesn't want Dean to die or is desperate to save his life. He lets go of his anger at John and returns to make sure Dean is safe in 1.11. He refuses to give up and finds a way to save Dean in 1.12. In 1.22, he's willing to put John's life at risk for revenge, but in 2.01 he gets into an outright screaming match with John in the hospital under the belief that John's prioritizing the demon over Dean. Sam spends all of season 3 raging and angst-ing about not being able to save Dean to the point of considering and doing some shady as hell things/abandoning some of his more stalwart moral stances (3.05, 3.11, 3.15, 3.16). Dean's death and later, the desire to secure his safety/future, is one of the catalysts for Sam's descent into drinking demon blood (3.09, 3.16, 4.04, 4.09, 4.12). When he dies in "Swan Song", he urges Dean to pursue a normal, safe, life because he knows that at that point in time, Dean wants to get out but has always felt trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20, 3.01, 4.12, 4.16). Even Soulless Sam (who isn't the same as regular Sam) tried to look for Dean in 6.09 "Clap Your Hands If You Believe"—it was simply that when leads for the night dried up, he hooked up with someone because he had nothing more to go on and in soulless Sam's head that was the reasonable thing to do. But soulless Sam also certainly isn't representative of the real Sam—the fact that he doesn't care as much is supposed to point us to differences between him and regular Sam. Season 8 opens with Sam abandoning Dean in a context that makes him arguably worse than his soulless self.

(I talk about why Sam actually abandons everyone in season 8 in a very long post here).

Season 8 and 9 more broadly

So Carver has Sam abandon Dean to die without even trying. Then he has Sam refuse to give any kind of actually reasonable explanation that makes sense to anyone who was paying attention. Then he has Sam say that he's going to leave the life and Dean needs to get over it and accept that Sam's new life will not include contact with Dean (just like his life at Stanford didn't). While saying he's going to leave, he still wants to exert control over Dean's relationships and leverages the threat of leaving (as if he were going to stay) to get Dean to shut up about Sam abandoning him and then again to try and get Dean to cut ties with Benny. He wants to kill Benny before knowing a single thing about him. He assigns someone (Martin) who he knows is mentally unstable and has a more black and white perception of monsters to track Benny and gets Martin killed. He watches Martin knock Dean unconscious and chain him up in a room and doesn't stop it because he wants Benny dead that bad, but then has the audacity to act as if Dean sending him a fake text is worse than Sam literally chaining him up in a room to prevent Sam from killing an innocent person (someone Sam would normally—btw—defend based on episodes like 2.03 and 4.04 or even a few episodes ago with Kate in "Bitten"). He tells Amelia he wants to fight for their relationship then the moment Dan says they should leave the choice to Amelia, he leaves so that it becomes his choice, and then he returns for one episode just to be a homewrecker. He insists on doing The Trials while promising to survive them and giving a big speech about how he's going to save Dean from his own suicidal ideation and then drops the promise as if it never existed two episodes later. Sam loses confidence in himself to complete The Trials and then acts like Dean is the one who doesn't believe in him because Dean is caring for him and insisting he rest and this is an unforgivable offense. At the end of the season, he basically says he's going to commit suicide because Dean has friends besides him. He acts as if he deserves to be Dean's most trusted confidant after an entire season of him being an absolutely fucking terrible brother and acts like Dean is just a big meanie whose feelings are irrational.

After all of this, he has the audacity, in season 9, to suggest that Dean is a bad person who can't stand the thought of being alone. He tells Dean he's the worst person ever and they can only be work partners from now on because Dean is so so bad and evil for stopping him from committing suicide and then not telling him about Gadreel. At the end of the season he admits this was a lie. He just wanted to punish Dean (9.23).

I can see how—if you were watching live at the time (I started watching when season 11 was airing) you'd lose hope. You'd quit the show over all of this, because it seems to go on forever. It's like torture. I would drop kick season 8 Sam into a pit full of lava without hesitation so I get it. If I believed that Carver was actually saying "Yes so true Dean is The Worst™️ and Sam is morally superior <3" for two seasons straight I'd quit the show too. But that isn't what he's saying. We're supposed to read between the lines and realize how unbelievably full of shit Sam is—how deeply selfish and hypocritical he's being. How yes—Dean has made mistakes—but Sam is NOT a better person than him and has gotten away with some absolutely rancid garbage. And season 10 and 11 go on to beat you over the head with it if you didn't get it the first time.

Season 10 and 11

Season 10 opens with this dialogue from a demon:

I heard the rumors. I said "no, that can't be." A Winchester, one of us? But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!

We're meant to think she's talking about Dean who just woke up with black eyes, but then the camera cuts to Sam torturing her, demanding to know where Dean is.

In 10.03, we learn that Sam talked a man (Lester) into selling his soul so he could use him as bait. Demon Dean ends up being assigned to fulfill Lester's deal (to kill his wife for cheating on him). Dean immediately clocks Lester as having cheated on her first and kills Lester for being an insufferable hypocrite... and while he's doing it, I'm pretty sure he's also thinking of Sam's flaming hypocrisy.

SAM: I never meant— DEMON DEAN: Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

NOTE: 10.03 also recalls 4.21—an episode Sam fans have always tended to emphasize as a "Dean crime" episode where Dean risks Sam's death to force a detox. Sam does the reverse—pumping Dean full of human blood here in 10.03 and explicitly risking his death.

Sam gets Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" while searching for The Book of the Damned.

SAM I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. SUZIE Lot of good “sorry” does me. Look at me. Look….at….me. [She points to her corpse.] There she is. The first casualty of your misguided mission. But what’s another human life to you? Anything’s worth it, as long as you two make it out alive. And how’s that search going? Any closer to a cure? SAM This isn’t real. You’re not real. SUZIE You think Dean’s the wild card, the loose cannon. But don’t you see? Making deals with witches, opening Pandora’s box down there? You’re the reckless one. You’ll do anything to keep clinging to that doomed brother of yours. How many more will die, Sammy? You know it. You have to be stopped. And the only one who can stop you is you!

A few episodes later, Sam orders Oskar's death for a spell to remove the Mark of Cain. I've seen hilarious posts before about how he had no choice but to do this because MoC Dean is so scawy and bad but that quite explicitly is not his motivation. They could have done so many other things. Throw him into space. Bury him in a really deep hole. Put him in something like The Cage. But Sam didn't like any of those options, because all of them meant being without his brother, and he's realized he doesn't want to be without him no matter the cost (10.18).

SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right. [...] SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

This all culminates in 10.23, where a very mentally unstable MoC Dean attempts to reason with Sam about them both being evil and needing to take themselves out:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then. SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back. DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it. SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean. DEAN: Why? Because we -- we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity -- our family, our friends. It's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it. SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me. DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you --when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world. SAM: You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way.

Dean is saying a lot of shady shit here, but some of what he's saying... isn't wrong?

Sam is willing to let The Darkness destroy the world, and he does, and then standing in the aftermath of a town being destroyed by the force he unleashed, Sam says:

SAM: I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. DEAN: And I told you not to. SAM: And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.

Thousands of people are dying and Sam says he would do it again. This post about Sam's actions versus Dean stopping Sam from closing the gates of hell is highly relevant.

Season 11 continues with Sam taking a little more responsibility for his own decisions, while praying for Dean to live (11.02):

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

And then there's the VERY long-awaited apology:

SAM When I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone.

Family (Sam) as chains

While all of this is happening, we also have Benny and Cas and Crowley and Amara.

Benny is contrast—someone whose goodness and selfless loyalty only makes Sam's horrible flaws stand out more sharply in season 8. Under the influence of the specter, Dean says, "Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you have ever been" and Sam can't stand it. It haunts him so bad he tries to kill Benny, and can't get over it even after the end of the season when Benny is fucking dead. He is unable to accept that the contrast between himself and Benny is his own fault.

Crowley and Dean's flirtations begin in season 9, as Sam suffocates Dean, and at the end of the season, Crowley has literally convinced Dean to run away with him. In 10.01, there is a delightful phone call where Crowley rubs it in Sam's face that Dean is with HIM:

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine. SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. “The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

It's this cruel callback to Sam's jealousy of Benny and Cas in season 8—how Crowley convinced Dean to finally ditch his smothering, controlling brat of little brother who can't stand him having friends, and now Dean is having the time of his life howling at the moon. The problem is, Dean also feels a little bit like maybe Crowley wants to control him too, and that isn't working for him.

Amara in season 11 goes on to further speak on terrible brothers who think they're better than you, who leave you betrayed and diminished, who abandon you. She's raging against the concept of family as chains—she wants revenge... but all the while she's in pain because she still loves her brother. Amara's attraction to Dean is based on that commonality—what she feels is a shared experience and how she wants to cut the last remaining pieces of love she feels for her brother away so she can finally be free of the pain of him—and she doesn't care if she destroys everything—including herself—in the process. (See: Dean slowly losing his identity through the MoC arc). Sam and Dean's relationship is in rehab over this whole season though, and so Dean's role ends up being to convince Amara not to destroy herself—to instead do what Sam and Dean have done and make up and work on improving their relationship.

[exactlymaximumgarden]

what i did for love (jschlatt x reader fic)

chapter 2: new guy

summary: after endless chatter about the so-called "new guy," you finally have a less than ideal run-in with him. word count: ≈2.0k warnings: fem!reader, use of (y/n), kinda angsty later on a/n: hi chat. this chapter is kinda tea so i hope you like it lol song: again and again - the bird and the bee

You never thought you’d be more grateful for a lunch break in your life. The cast had been dismissed for an hour just after running the emotional monologue from the character Paul, which promptly followed your solo dance number. Teching your routine wasn’t too much of a hassle, but the actual choreography was beyond grueling. You were more than ready for a breather.

Surprisingly, Schlatt, during the run, wasn’t a bother at all. You could’ve sworn you caught him glancing at you from the wings at certain points, and you couldn’t say for sure whether or not he had seen any of your solo at all, but during the monologue afterward in which everyone in the cast was offstage save for your castmate Mateo, Schlatt was nowhere to be found. 

Not that you had a problem with that, anyway. Hell, you didn’t care what all he fucked off to do as long as you didn’t have to be there for any of it.

Now, you could only do your best to rid your mind of all thoughts related to him as you sat in your dressing room, which you shared with Victoria and two other castmates, Sierra and Lola. Aside from your already established bond with Victoria, you’d taken it upon yourself to build a closer friendship with Sierra and Lola since they played the characters Maggie and Bebe respectively, so naturally you would have to stand near them in the chorus line formation. That was also partially the reason the four of you had been grouped together to share a dressing room, so it was only beneficial for you to have a good rep with both.

The four of you were plopped in a circle on the dressing room floor, accompanied by your other castmates Ari, Mateo, and Dante. All seven of you picked at your lunches, more interested in the conversation at hand than actually eating. However, the topic quickly shifted to the oh so mysterious new guy, and as much as you wanted to shut your brain off than have to listen to speculations about Schlatt, you were also insanely hungry. So, you simply forced yourself to sit there and listen.

That was just like Schlatt, you couldn’t help but think sourly. Always the center of attention, even when he wasn’t in the room.

“Has anyone actually gotten a chance to talk to him yet?” Lola asked, her amber eyes twinkling with curiosity as she scanned the group. 

“I accidentally bumped into him after we teched my scene,” Mateo piped up. “He was pretty nice. Apologized to me and all. Even though it was totally my fault.”

“Can I say he’s kinda hot?” Sierra was next to chime in, her silvery voice quickly filling the silence. A quiet laugh promptly rippled through the group, although it took a bit of willpower on your behalf to keep your own from sounding too forced. “Like, respectfully? I’d smash.”

“You’d smash anything that breathes.” Ari, seated behind her on the dressing room counter, nudged her teasingly with his leg.

“Hey, can you blame me? I’ve tried every dating app there is. I’m debating whipping out the last resort any day now.”

“eHarmony?”

“No. Becoming a nun.”

“Okay, but do we know why they brought in someone new so late in the process?” Victoria interrupts. “What happened to the old stagehand? What’s-his-face?”

“Who cares what his name was? He got fired, and good thing.” This heated answer was spat from Dante, who had been cast in the show as the lively tap-dancer Mike. His heavy Brooklyn accent was interwoven through every syllable as he continued, “He was a fuckin’ idiot, not to mention a total dick. Always actin’ like he knew everything, being a shit to Vanja and all. I’m surprised she didn’t kick his ass out sooner. But I heard they put out an open call for someone to fill in for ‘im. Anyone with at least basic knowledge of allat computery shit. I guess that’s how they roped the new guy in. Shat, or whatever he’s called.”

Of course. He made perfect sense for the job. He’d wanted to go into computer science before he’d gone down the rabbit hole of his own career. “Schlatt.” You couldn’t keep the correction from spilling from your lips. You weren’t all too thrilled to discover the way his name still tasted like acid on your tongue.

“Yeah. That.”

“Well, at least he seems nice.” Victoria shrugged. “Upgrade from the last dude.”

“Nice and sexy!” Sierra giggled, earning another nudge from Ari.

Despite yourself, you opened your mouth. You had the insatiable urge to say something, maybe a cryptic, biting remark directed towards Schlatt. Something about how nobody here knew what he was really like, how he was the furthest thing from nice, how he’d ruined everything. However, you were promptly interrupted by a knock on the dressing room door.

“Hello?” Lola called out, craning her neck to snag a better view of the visitor.

The door creaked open, and Lacey poked her head in. Lacey was a petite, curvy girl, her hair tied up in pigtails and extravagant eyeshadow powdered against her lids. She’d been cast as Val, so she figured going over the top in her stage look would fit the character. Nobody had the heart to tell her she looked clownish.

“Just wanted to tell you guys we have five minutes until we’re back,” she explained in her typical squeaky tone, a toothy grin spreading across her lips. “Vanja’s giving us a bit of extra time to get settled, though. She just finished introducing herself to Jay.”

For whatever reason, Lacey first-naming Schlatt created a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. Nobody ever did that. Not in his circle, anyway. But you couldn’t necessarily fault her for that. She didn’t come from his circle. That was a you problem.

“Thanks, Lacey.” You quickly hopped to your feet, stashing what was left of your lunch back with your belongings. “I’m gonna go to the restroom real quick. Will someone let Vanja know in case I’m not back in time?”

“I got it,” Victoria instantly volunteered, to which you shot her a grateful smile.

“Go piss, girl!” Ari murmured, resulting in a collective snort among the group. He elicited a grin from you, too, but you’re already out the door by the time you clocked it.

___

Wandering through the twisting hallways of the backstage area reminded you of yet another thing you’d never get used to regardless of how long you’d been performing. It never seemed to fully register that the older the theatre, the more historic the building, the dingier the backstage was. And right now, you might as well have been traversing a maze.

All this for a piss.

You couldn’t tell how long it took you to actually locate the bathrooms within the labyrinthine hallways, and you could only imagine that, with your luck, it’d be even longer before you found your way back to the stage. And of course that proved to be true. Before you knew it, you were lost. It wasn’t your fault, you kept telling yourself. This is why you exclusively used the restrooms out in the theatre’s foyer. At least those were easy to find.

“Whoa!”

You were instantly snapped out of your daze as you collided with someone’s larger frame. You stumbled backward from the impact, but whoever you ran into quickly clamped their hands around your biceps to keep you from completely falling on your ass.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, I-” Your vision refocused, your voice instantly trailing off as you gazed upward at the person before you. Schlatt’s eyes bore into yours, hints of both concern and amusement evident in his gaze. Suddenly, the grip on your arms turned from something relieving to much more revolting.

The corners of his lips tilted upward in the faintest of smiles as he let go of you, stepping back. You could feel his gaze raking over you, taking you in. “Hey, stranger,” he greeted, leaning against the wall beside him.

You wanted to walk away, turn your back on him this instant. But you couldn’t. You felt paralyzed. Rooted to the spot.

“Hi,” you muttered in return.

“How’s it goin’? Been a while, huh?”

“Yep.” No shit, it’s been a while. I never wanted to see you again. “I’ve been fine. Been busy with the show and all.”

“I can imagine. Seems like a lotta work already.”

“It’s Broadway. Of course it is.” Your tone came out a bit more biting than intended. Schlatt quickly seemed to catch on, his brow quirking up in a slight smirk.

“You’re right. Stupid thing of me to say.” He held up his hands in mock surrender. You huffed out a scoff, but it was clearly forced. “Well, uh, hey,” Schlatt tried once more after an awkward silence ensued. “I saw you dance a little bit. From the wings. You did… good.”

“Good, huh?” You folded your arms across your chest, a bit exasperated with how the conversation was going nowhere.

“Yeah. You did good,” he repeated, his eyes still glued to you. It was growing increasingly hard not to shudder under his stare, feeling like prey beneath him. Your stomach churned, and you could practically hear your heart’s frenzied beating within your eardrum. For a moment, he fell quiet once more, and you swore you saw his expression falter. Whatever air of confidence was there before seemed to melt, devolving into something softer, something unreadable… disappointment, maybe? Regret? “You look good, (Y/N).”

It felt like the world stopped at that. You had to fight every fiber within you that wanted to bark out an incredulous laugh. “Really?” you instead asked, bewilderment of his utter audacity clear in your voice. “Is this a joke?”

Schlatt instantly straightened, no longer leaning on the wall. An air of defensiveness flickered over him. “What? Can I not say you look good?”

“Are you actually asking me that?” It shouldn’t have been so easy for him to rile you up, get under your skin.

Schlatt’s lips flattened into a straight line as he heaved a heavy sigh. “(Y/N), come on. Listen, I know these aren’t ideal conditions, but-”

“Like hell they aren’t!” You ran a hand through your hair, feeling like you might as well have been on the brink of tearing every single strand out. “Just stop. Not now. Don’t do this to me.”

“Why not now? Look, we gotta talk at some point.”

“There isn’t anything to talk about. You made things very clear when you decided you were done with me,” you spat. Schlatt opened his mouth to protest, but you quickly interrupted. “Can you please just do me a solid and point me back to the stage? I’ve got more important things to focus on right now than this.”

He stopped dead in his tracks. His usually soft expression was icy, and it was evident by the way his eyes flitted all across your face that he was seriously debating what to do next. However, to your relief, he jerked his head over his shoulder. “Straight ahead behind me. Take a left, up the stairs, take a right. You'll find your way.”

You didn’t wait to say anything more. No sooner did the words escape his lips than you practically bolted past him, reciting the directives he’d given you over and over to occupy your mind. To anyone else in the cast, your exchange with Schlatt would have seemed entirely random. Up until this moment, you two hadn’t interacted once. How could it have bubbled up to this so quickly?

That was something only you and Schlatt knew. The history between you two. And yet, knowing that history like the back of each other’s hands, he still wanted to act like things were normal. He still wanted to try and pass off as if nothing happened. As if everything was fine. Tearing your heart and stomping on it, over and over and over again.

Furiously wiping your eyes as your feet pattered up the staircase he’d guided you to, you couldn’t help but ponder. He was so clearly over everything. Over it enough to feel confident enough to act all casual, anyway.

So why the hell couldn’t you be?

prev chapter, next chapter

[potatoplace]

Omega Needs - Chapter 9

Feylin, eventual Feysand

chapter 8 | chapter 10 | series masterlist

Story Summary: Feyre presented as an omega after being changed into a high fae Under the Mountain. Her heats have been hellish, and Tamlin has neglected certain aspects of her presentation. After the disastrous wedding ceremony, how will Feyre’s omega handle being away from her Alpha?

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, body shaming, Ianthe, smut - Tamlin smut specifically, I'm sorry

Words: ~6.9k

Author's Note: alexa, play 'I Hate It Here' by Taylor Swift. My poor girl Feyre. And fuck Ianthe. Lucien and Alis are godsends. Tamlin is... okay... ish. In this chapter. I hope you guys like it!

18+ only pls!

🩵💚🩵💜🩵

Knocks kept coming on the door, frequently enough to wake Feyre from her sleep. She opened her eyes to see sunlight still coming through the windows, though they were lesser in intensity now.

Her eyes felt puffy and uncomfortable, and her throat was dry and scratchy. But she didn't move.

She couldn’t move. Not after all of the horrid words thrown at her in the past two days. They probably just wanted to make sure she was alive, anyway.

The door cracked open anyways, her room flooding with the scent of an alpha- Lucien.

"Feyre? Did you want to come down to dinner?" He asked softly as he entered the room, making sure to shut the door behind him.

Feyre shook her head as visibly as she could from where she was still curled into herself.

"Do you want me to have something brought up here for you?"

She didn't think she could stand to eat anything right now, not with the way her stomach was churning and her brain was hissing back Ianthe's words at her.

"No," Feyre whispered as Lucien sat on her bed. He placed a hand on her shoulder gently, his warmth so soothing. He brushed a bit of hair away from her face after, running his thumb across her cheek softly.

"Is everything okay, Feyre? Did Ianthe say something to you?"

A bitter laugh left Feyre's lips. "Yes, Lucien. She did. She has made it clear to me that I am a horrid omega, and my body..." She paused, choking on tears. "My body is awful as well. I would rather spend the evening alone, and avoid any more of her wrath for being such a failure."

Lucien's scent filled with anger, and Feyre shrunk away from his touch. "Feyre, you are not a horrible omega, and your body is your body, it is perfect the way it is. You are actually quite a wonderful omega, if you'll allow me to say that," Lucien consoled, hand returning to stroke her hair. "You have gone through so much, and have only been experiencing your secondary gender for a year. You are doing perfectly, Feyre," He said, a slight alpha commanding tone to his voice. It soothed Feyre's fears, though, the fact that he was so adamant that Feyre was not what Ianthe had claimed her to be. "Tamlin is lucky to have you," he added, and those were the words that made the dam in Feyre's eyes break once more.

Feyre cried for a few minutes, Lucien’s hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Thank you, Lucien,” Feyre sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “I still would rather not go to the dining room tonight, that’s… too much pressure.”

“Would you let me have Aine bring you a tray of food?” Lucien asked with a smile.

Feyre nodded after a moment. She could eat, if Lucien wanted her to.

“Good, I’ll make sure it’s sent up as soon as possible.” Lucien stood from the bed, but turned to Feyre before he left. “For what it’s worth, Feyre, I think Ianthe is just jealous of you,” he said, a twinkle in his eye. “You are much more beautiful than her, and you’re Prythian’s beloved Cursebreaker. What does some cowardly priestess have that compares to you in any way?”

Feyre gave Lucien a watery smile. “Thank you,” she whispered, and he turned to the door and left her room, softly closing the door behind him.

A few minutes later there was a knock on Feyre's door, only opening after Feyre said it was okay. Alis entered the room, followed by Aine who was carrying a tray of food. She set the tray on Feyre's vanity, and gave a tilt of her head to Feyre before leaving the room.

"Good evening, Feyre," Alis said softly as she approached her in her bed, extending a hand for her to take. "If you eat at the vanity, I can braid your hair for you, hmm?"

The thought of Alis's gentle hands carding through her hair sounded lovely, and Feyre took her hand, exiting her nest. She sat in the chair at the vanity, leaning back against it. Feyre was exhausted.

"Try and eat, I promise it will make you feel better," Alis said as she began brushing out Feyre's hair gently.

Feyre scrunched her nose, but did as she asked, picking up her fork and stabbing a bite of salad. She was grateful it wasn't something heavier, but couldn't help but wonder if Ianthe had picked it for her specifically.

Alis's gentle hands soothed Feyre's senses, and by the time she had finished a comfortable plait to sleep in, Feyre had finished as much of her salad as she could bear at the moment.

"If you ever need to talk to someone, Feyre, I'm here to listen. And I won't tell a soul whatever you trust me with, okay?" Alis assured as she met Feyre's eyes in the mirror.

Feyre sighed. "I might take you up on that soon, but... I just want to sleep right now," Feyre said sadly.

Alis gave her a warm smile, squeezing Feyre's shoulders before she stepped away from her. "Just know that you have people here for you, Feyre. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't tell Ianthe a peep even if she commanded me to. I'm not too fond of her," Alis said in a hushed tone, grinning as she did. "Did you need anything else before bed?" The beta asked, her eyes taking quick stock of the room.

Feyre shook her head as she stood from the vanity. "No, I think I'll be fine. Thank you, Alis."

"It's no problem, dear," Alis said as she grabbed the mostly eaten tray of food. "Sleep well."

"You as well, Alis," Feyre said as she followed her to the door, shutting it behind her. Feyre made her way back to her bed, sinking into the mattress and burying herself under the covers.

It once only when she was still and alone that insults began to float around her head again. Omega whore. Fat. Desperate.

She cried herself to sleep once again.

🩵💚🩵💜🩵

Lucien woke her again, this time in the crisp Spring morning air.

He had swung into her room at around nine, and asked her, "Feyre, would you like to join me for breakfast in the gardens again?"

Feyre was silent for a moment. "No. Could we do breakfast in here instead?"

Lucien thought on it, then nodded in agreement. "I'll be right back."

He left the room, and Feyre took the time to freshen herself up slightly, brushing her teeth and splashing some water on her face. She looked... dreadful, in her opinion. Her face was pale, with dark circles under her eyes that had only gotten worse overnight. Feyre sighed, and took the tie out of her hair and began undoing the braid Alis had so gently put in for her.

Lucien returned just as Feyre was finished brushing out her hair. He had a tray with two plates on it, both loaded with food. Feyre got back onto her bed, sitting near the end so that Lucien could pull the vanity chair over to the edge of the bed. He set the tray in front of her carefully, and Feyre was happy to see that they had nearly equal amounts of food- bacon specifically.

They ate in a comfortable silence for most of the meal, which Feyre was thankful for. She didn't feel like talking about Tamlin or Ianthe's hurtful words, or what the lack of apology from both of them meant.

Feyre ate until she was full, only leaving behind a few bites of scrambled egg that she didn't think she could finish without losing her breakfast altogether. "Thank you, Lucien. I don't feel like leaving my room today."

He nodded in agreement. "I figured as much. I’ll try to ward away Ianthe, but she’ll probably try to bother you anyways. Also I… spoke with Tamlin about training your magic,” Lucien began hesitantly.

“And?” Feyre asked, fearing she knew the answer already.

Lucien sighed. “He feels that training you at the moment would do more harm than good, but agreed to revisit the idea if you have an expressions of magic. I’m sorry, Feyre,” he added with another sigh, taking one of her hands in his.

A tear slipped down Feyre’s cheek without her realizing it was there in the first place, and she let Lucien wipe it away. “I suppose I should try to light another dress on fire then, hmm?” Feyre asked rhetorically, still garnering a smile from Lucien.

“Try it on a particularly ugly one, Fey. Mother known Ianthe has given you plenty of those.”

Feyre shook her head and sighed. “Even you think they’re ugly? Is Ianthe really giving me bad clothes?”

Lucien squeezed her hand gently and said, “Not necessarily, the clothes are in fashion, they just don’t suit you well. And Ianthe does seem to love frills quite a lot…” Lucien trailed off.

“I should mutiny and burn the whole wardrobe.”

Lucien chuckled. “Now that would be an expression of magic that neither Tamlin nor Ianthe could ignore. I say go for it, Feyre.”

“Ah, yes, and your advice is always sound,” Feyre joked, taking her hand out of his and pushing him on the shoulder. “I still remember the Suriel, Luce.”

Lucien let out an exasperated sigh. “The Suriel, Fey? When will you let that go?”

“I have, I just like bringing it up,” Feyre laughed, giggling when Lucien pushed her shoulder lightly. “And you’ve apologized on multiple occasions for it, so I’ve forgiven you.”

“That’s good to know, Feyre.” Lucien smiled at her, then stood from his chair, placing it back in front of the vanity. “I should be going now, I have a few meetings to go to with Tamlin. I’ll make sure someone brings you up lunch and dinner, if you choose to not leave you room. No matter what, I’ll see you in the morning, Feyre,” Lucien said, staring her down until she nodded her head.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then, Lucien,” Feyre said with a small smile. “Thank you for breakfast.”

“It’s no problem, Feyre.” He picked up the tray of dishes, and made his way to the door. “Have a good day, Fey.”

“You too, Luce,” Feyre replied, and he shut the door on his way out.

Feyre let out a heavy breath.

Time to practice her magic.

Feyre reached in her chest for her magic, the cold ball that she'd gotten to loosen up while in the Night Court.

She tried gently to move her magic within her, see if she could do something to change Tamlin's mind.

It was frozen solid again, unwilling to budge even the smallest amount.

Worry built in Feyre's chest as she tried and tried to get movement in her magical core, with no success. Tears pricked her eyes.

All of her progress, gone.

And she wasn't even sure if it was normal for this to happen, for a fae's magic to solidify itself again after not being used for over a week.

The tears in Feyre's eyes rolled down her cheeks after an hour of trying, with nothing to show for her time. She fell back against her bed, feeling defeated.

This is why I need help training, Feyre thought to herself. Someone to help guide me or tell me to take a break...

Feyre let out a heavy sigh. If she couldn't get her magic to cooperate with her, she could practice her shielding. And shielding had come more easily to her, it's possible that practicing it could help loosen her core again.

She hoped.

Feyre sank into her own mind, the feeling of her mental shields soothing her, especially once she felt as though she was floating on an endless expanse of ocean.

Maybe I can get Tam to take me to the coast, soon, Feyre thought softly, noticing how her shields had a pink tinge when she thought of Tamlin. I should ask Rhys if emotions can change the look of shields...

Feyre's breathing evened out as she sank further into her shields, wrapped in them like a cozy blanket. Her fingers played in the waters of her mind, loving the way she created small ripples as she did. She was on her back, floating in the water with her hair fanning around her head. A warm light was pouring over her, buttery soft when she opened her eyes mentally.

Her mind moved quickly, adding in mountains that completely encircled the body of water she was in, looking suspiciously like those she had gazed at longingly in her week away. Trees stood proudly on the mountainsides, another place that she could hide herself if she needed. There was a log cabin on the shore, with a hammock hung from two trees sitting nearby.

Feyre swam to the shore, sinking her feet into the sand that bordered the water once she was out. She approached the cabin, noticing that it looked similar to the hut she lived in back in the human lands. Her hands ran over the smooth doorknob, twisting and pushing the door in to enter the cabin.

Inside, it was a nicer version of the home she'd shared with her family. The small kitchen, fireplace, even the door leading into the one bedroom were placed the same. She made her way into the bedroom, tears in her eyes at the sight of the large bed, exactly as it was when she'd left that fateful night.

Feyre walked over to the bed, and sank down onto it. She could almost picture Nesta and Elain getting ready for bed, brushing out their hair and changing into their nightgowns. Feyre laid down, tears flowing freely now.

She had a complicated relationship with her sisters, of course, but she missed them. She missed the feeling of snuggling in for body heat, even when it wasn't too terribly cold.

She missed her sisters.

Feyre buried her face in one of the pillows, wishing she was surrounded by their familiar scents.

She must have drifted off, because the next thing she was aware of was Ianthe bursting into her room, Tonilia behind her carrying a tray with a bowl and cup on it.

"Feyre, really? A nap in the afternoon? This is what's so important that you can't bother to plan your own wedding?" Ianthe scoffed.

Feyre was silent, busy wiping the sleep from her eyes after sitting up as Tonilia set the tray down over her legs, effectively keeping her in her place.

"Not even going to answer me?" Ianthe asked as she waved Tonilia out of the room, who gave Feyre a gentle smile before shutting the door behind her.

Feyre just shook her head, not having any energy to deal with her right now.

"Fine, if you won't talk, you'll just have to stuff your face faster, Feyre. I have a lot to do, and if you're unwilling to help then I have to pick up your slack." Ianthe gestured to the tray over Feyre's legs. "Eat up."

Feyre's stomach dropped as she processed Ianthe's words, her clear disdain for Feyre. She took in the food she'd been brought, a bowl of soup and a cup of tea. The soup looked to be mainly vegetable, with a few small bits of chicken in it. Feyre's eyes flicked up to Ianthe's, then back to the food.

Ianthe already had a pinched expression on her face, as though dealing with Feyre was the last thing she wanted to be doing at the moment. She let out an exasperated sigh when Feyre didn't immediately pick up the spoon, her ire prompting Feyre to do so.

Feyre ate as quickly as she could manage, stomach churning as Ianthe watched her. She managed to eat most of the soup before Ianthe sighed again, so Feyre moved on to the tea quickly.

She wrinkled her nose before taking her first sip- Ianthe always picked the worst blends, and the tea was always too hot for Feyre's throat. Nevertheless, Feyre drank the cup as quickly as she could, setting it back on the tray once she was done.

"See, Feyre? It's not that hard to do things right when you do what I ask. And you even left a bit of the soup, that's perfect. Maybe you'll fit into your wedding dress," the alpha said condescendingly as she picked up the tray. She left the room without another word, thank the Mother. Feyre didn't think she could deal with her cruel words for another second, not without bursting into tears.

Feyre breathed deeply for a few moments, doing her best to calm her nerves before diving back into her mental shields once more. The waters hiding the core of her mind were gentle, lapping at the edges of her shields before the mountains she had previously envisioned reappeared, the cabin along with it.

Her pulse slowed as she allowed her mind to fill in more and more detail, using her painter’s eye to make it look as natural as she could. Leaves on trees, thick blades of grass, a beautiful patch of wildflowers, similar to those that grew in the woods she hunted in. By the time she’d finished focusing on those, Feyre was tired enough to let sleep take a hold of her.

🩵💚🩵💜🩵

“Feyre?” Alis’s voice asked through her door, just loud enough to rouse Feyre from her nap. “Can I come in?”

Feyre nodded her head sleepily, before realizing that Alis couldn’t see her. “Yes, Alis.”

Her door opened and the beta entered, closing the door behind her. “Did you feel up to attending dinner in the dining room?"

Feyre shook her head, biting her lip apprehensively. She was expecting her wishes to be denied, but Alis surprised her with a smile. “Very well, I’ll bring a plate up to you. Would you like to wash up beforehand?”

Her body did feel rather dirty at the moment, as she’d stayed in bed all morning and declined to take her usual morning bath. “That would be nice, Alis. But… Would you eat with me? I don’t feel like eating alone…”

Alis gave her another smile, and nodded her head in agreement. “I would be delighted to dine with you, Feyre. I’ll go get some food for us, and you can go wash up.”

“Thank you, Alis,” Feyre said as the fae was opening her door.

“It’s no problem at all, Feyre. I’ll see you in a little bit,” Alis replied, shutting the door behind her.

Feyre let out a long sigh before standing from her bed, stretching out her limbs to relieve some of the ache in her muscles from laying in bed all day. She stripped off her nightgown, throwing it into her laundry bin and made her way into the bathroom.

She turned on the tap, letting water fill the enchanted tub that began to heat it immediately. Feyre waited until the tub was full and steaming to slip into the water, sighing as heat poured into her body. She hadn’t realized how cold she had been.

After washing her body and halfway through washing her hair, she heard her bedroom door open, and Alis knocked softly on the wall outside of her bathroom. “Would you like any help washing up, Feyre?”

Normally, Feyre would say no, but she was so exhausted at the moment. “Yes, please,” she admitted softly, and the beta entered her bathroom, eyes respectfully keeping to her face. Alis settled behind her on her knees, taking over for Feyre’s hands and massaging the soap into her hair, nails scratching gently along her scalp in a soothing manner.

A small contented huff left Feyre’s lips, and Alis chuckled softly. Feyre didn’t feel self conscious about it, though, she and Alis had known each other long enough that Feyre felt nothing could embarrass her in front of the other fae. Alis had been the one to help Feyre feel comfortable in her new role as an omega, after all, comforting her when Feyre was confused about building her first nest. A few contented sighs were perfectly normal.

Alis guided her head to rinse her hair, so careful to not get water in Feyre’s eyes. Once it was clean, Alis set to massaging conditioner into her hair for a few minutes, massaging her scalp before rinsing her hair once more. She wrung the water from her hair before grabbing a nearby towel, wrapping her hair in it. “Alright, dear, go ahead and dry yourself off and I’ll bring a nightgown in for you.”

Feyre did as she said, dragging her body out of the warm water reluctantly and toweling herself off. She slipped on the light blue, long sleeved nightgown Alis brought her, and followed beta into her room, where a tray of food was waiting on her bed.

She settled into her bed as Alis dragged the vanity chair over and sat at the end of the bed.

Dinner tonight was roasted chicken and potatoes, as well as sautéed green beans, both of them having a nicely sized portion.

Eating with Alis was quiet and comfortable, neither of them feeling the need to fill the silence tonight. Feyre just barely managed to finish her food, feeling so full and sleepy that she yawned after setting down her fork. “Dinner was delicious, thank you Alis.”

“Of course, Feyre. I thought you could use something nutritious and warm.”

Feyre gave her a small smile. “You were right.”

Alis’s expression mirrored her own as she stood from the chair, finished with her own meal as well. “I know I was,” Alis said cheekily, then gestured for Feyre to get up. “Come on, let me braid your hair.”

Feyre stood from the bed, unwrapping her hair from its towel as she followed Alis, dragging the chair, to the vanity. She sat in the chair, handing the towel to Alis, who dried Feyre’s hair as much as she could before brushing it out, smoothing out any tangles with a gentle hand. Feyre closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the sensation and lull her into a sleepy state. By the time her hair was braided and tied off, Feyre thought she could fall asleep at the vanity.

Alis led her out of the chair and into her bed, even going as far as to tuck the omega in, pillows fluffed and covers pulled up to her chin.

“Have a good night, and I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, Feyre,” Alis said softly, and picked up the tray of food from where she’d moved it to the floor before leaving the room, the door snicking shut behind her.

And Feyre was alone with her thoughts once more.

Luckily, her full stomach and exhausted mind pulled her into her dreams swiftly, leaving hurtful words and actions for the waking hours.

Her dreams were filled with flying, soaring above mountain ranges and lakes like a bird, feeling the wind in her hair and whipping across her skin.

🩵💚🩵💜🩵

The next two days of her self imposed isolation were nearly identical to the first. Lucien roused her in the morning, asking if she would like to have breakfast outside with him, and when she declined her went to grab them both plates of food. After her left, she would practice with her magic, trying and trying to regain the progress she’d made in the Night Court, and when that failed turning to fortifying her mental shields.

Ianthe would interrupt her at midday, bringing Tonilia who carried a bowl of soup and mug of tea on a tray for Feyre. Ianthe glared at her until she finished both, and storming out with Tonilia on her heels, who always gave Feyre an apologetic smile before shutting her bedroom door.

Feyre spent her afternoons recovering from the cruel alpha’s presence, comforting herself by adding even more details to her mental shields, focusing on the waters where she hid her actual presence.

By the end of the third day in her room, she had an underwater fortress protecting herself, so many doors locked by keys that only existed when she wanted them to.

She wasn’t certain that her shields would be impenetrable, but she felt confident in their strength now.

Alis would come to her room in the evenings, helping Feyre bathe if she was too tired and bringing food for the both of them to eat.

It was only on the fourth day that Feyre woke before Lucien knocked on her door, and she had enough energy and willpower to bathe and dress herself that morning. She had just put on a pair of slippers when a knock came at her door, and Feyre rushed to answer it, ready to make Lucien proud by being awake and dressed.

She was met with green eyes and blond hair.

Tamlin.

Feyre instinctively shrank back into herself, expecting more insults to be thrown her way.

Tamlin noticed, and the regret that was shining in his eyes increased tenfold. “Feyre, I… I’m so sorry, omega.” He stepped forward, pushing into her room as Feyre retreated slowly, letting him get closer to her. “I should never have called you any of those things, I should never have blamed you for this situation. You’re not to blame for coming home like that, it’s that damn bastard’s fault,” Tamlin growled, pulling Feyre into his chest. Her arms stayed limp at her sides as he hugged her, still flooded with anxiety even as she scented her alpha. “I’m sorry, Feyre. Will you forgive me?” Tamlin asked after pulling away from her slightly to look her in the eyes.

The regret and sorrow in his eyes had her caving instantly, and her arms came up to clutch at him tightly. She buried her face in his chest and nodded, and Tamlin sighed a heavy breath of relief.

“Will you come with me? I have a surprise for you,” Tamlin asked, already pulling Feyre out into the hallway.

“Where are we going?”

“I said it’s a surprise, omega,” Tamlin teased, grinning widely at Feyre. It was the first time she’d seen him look happy - that I can remember – since returning home, and her chest melted at the sight.

He guided her down the stairs and out the front doors, straight to the stables where Tamlin’s preferred horse was waiting, already saddled and ready for them, a basket hanging off of either side.

“Up you go, omega,” Tamlin said as he helped her climb onto to the horse, pulling her skirts up high to be able to ride normally. His eyes tracked her movements, and made sure she was secure before climbing up behind her, his arms wrapping around her to grab the reins.

The horse started walking at Tamlin’s signal, leading them to wherever Tamlin had planned. Once they were out of sight of the manor and in the trees of the forest, Tamlin’s lips kissed a slow path down her neck, sending shivers up her spine.

Feyre pressed back into him, leaning into his hold as he repeated the action on the other side. One of his hands let go of the reins, and slinked up Feyre’s thighs, stomach, to rest on her right breast, squeezing softly. Feyre gasped, completely melting into the alpha behind her and hands gripping his thick thighs that were caging her in.

Tamlin chuckled lowly in her ear, pressing a soft kiss just underneath it before the horse came to a stop.

Feyre hadn’t realized she had shut her eyes, but they flew open when they halted, her eyes taking in the clearing they were at.

The pool of starlight.

It was even more beautiful than Feyre remembered, most likely due to her new eyesight. The silvery waters rippled appealingly, and Feyre wondered if sipping starlight would make her feel new again.

Probably not, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

Tamlin climbed off of the horse, extending his hands to Feyre to help her down. Once she was safely on the ground, he turned his attention to the two baskets tied to the horse, taking them and the saddle off and allowing the horse to graze as it pleased. One of the baskets held a large blanket which Tamlin laid out on the grass near the pool, patting for Feyre to sit down next to him.

She did, snuggling into his side as he went through the second basket, pulling out a selection of fruits, crackers, cheeses, and thinly sliced meats, as well as a couple of bottles of sparkling fairy wine.

“You planned,” Feyre hummed as she took in the spread of food, watching as Tamlin pulled out a small knife and began to slice up an apple.

“I did, sweet omega,” Tamlin said, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“That works for me,” Feyre replied before he placed a slice of apple in her mouth. It was juicy and slightly tart, absolutely lovely. Feyre hooked her arms around his left one, pushing her body further against him. “I missed you, alpha,” she whispered.

“I missed you too, omega. No more fighting, hmm?” Tamlin asked, feeding her another slice after she nodded in agreement. “Good.”

Feyre took a chance, letting go of Tam’s arm and instead pulling it over her shoulder, snuggling into his chest and breathing in his scent. He simply kept feeding her and himself, every now and then scenting the top of her head. Feyre’s omega relaxed with every bite, every minute spent in peace with him.

Once they’d finished eating, the two of them laid back on the blanket, taking in the puffy clouds floating by slowly, the gentle rustle of leaves from the slight breeze. Feyre had nearly drifted off when Tamlin’s hand began to wander below where it had been caressing her shoulder, going lower and lower with each pass, before finally his hand squeezed her ass softly, drawing a quiet moan from Feyre. She tilted her head to smile up at him, eyes blurry with sleep. She puckered her lips slightly, the closest she could get to demanding a kiss at the moment. He obliged her, pressing his lips hungrily to hers, and his change in scent made her wake up quickly.

He claimed her lips, taking Feyre’s breath with him when his other hand came to caress her neck, brushing over her scent gland teasingly.

“Alpha,” she moaned needily, pressing her front closer to him, needing to feel him everywhere. He pushed her back so she was flat on the ground, and covered her body with his, slotting himself between her hips after pressing the skirts of her dress out of the way, and Feyre whined at the feel of him against her, even fully clothed.

“You smell delicious, omega,” Tamlin remarked as he slid his lips over Feyre’s neck, sucking dark marks along the expanse of it. “So needy, so perfect, and all mine,” he growled, pressing his hips down harder.

“Yes, alpha, all yours,” Feyre mewled, her hands scratching over Tamlin’s shirt, wishing they were already unclothed so she could feel their skin together. Tamlin seemed to have the same thought, ridding himself of his shirt quickly and working to free Feyre from her dress, tossing them to the other side of the blanket before returning to Feyre’s neck, mouth moving lower and lower, finally catching on the edge of her bra.

His eyes met hers, and her breath caught in her throat when he undid the clasp and removed it from her chest, immediately giving attention to her breasts. Her back arched when his teeth grazed over her nipple, his answering chuckle only making her pull herself closer to him. He moved to the other one, sucking a light mark on the underside of it before kissing lower, traveling down the expanse of Feyre’s stomach, straight to the hem of her panties.

She was leaking slick at this point, she knew, and Tamlin could obviously smell just how effected by him she is, judging by his smirk and playful eyes. More slick gushed out of her once Tam’s teeth latched onto the hem, pulling her panties away from her center slowly, a string of slick connecting them together.

Feyre would have been embarrassed, but Tamlin’s eyes were hungrily devouring her core so thoroughly there was no room for doubt about if he was pleased or not.

He lost his patience after a moment, using a claw to shred through the fabric so he could set in on his second meal- Feyre.

Moans spilled from Feyre’s lips as Tamlin lapped at her core, licking up every bit of slick he could find before sucking at her clit. Her hips were already shaking, only driving Tam to work his tongue faster, and one thick finger entering her was enough for her to tip over the edge, pleasure blinding her as her hands clutched at his hair, holding him to her center as she rode out her high.

As soon as her hands slackened their hold, he pulled away, shucking off his pants as quickly as he could manage before returning to his omega, slotting himself between her legs and pushing into her in one stroke, all the breath leaving her lungs as he filled her.

When he pulled out slightly Feyre whined, walls clenching down on him and causing him to groan. “So tight, omega,” he moaned, punctuated by thrusting back in, and Feyre’s answering moan was more than enough for him to set a fast pace. His lips hovered over her scent gland, grazing slightly every now and then, sending jolts of pleasure through Feyre.

“Alpha, please,” she begged, not knowing if it was more for his knot or his mark, but that either would please her. He bit lightly on her gland, just tipping her over the edge again, and he followed soon after, pushing his knot into her cunt and locking them together as he came deep inside of her.

She was floating, or that’s what it felt like, being held in Tamlin’s arms and locked to him, his hands smoothing over her hair gently as they both came down.

Half an hour later his knot had deflated enough to separate themselves, Feyre whining at the sensation of being empty.

“Do you want to swim, Fey?” Tamlin asked softly into her ear, a hand still playing with her hair as he held her against his chest. She tilted her head up to look at him, and saw excitement in his eyes.

If he wanted to swim, she would swim.

“As long as we can cuddle afterwards while we dry off.”

Tamlin smiled down at her, kissing her forehead. “Of course, Fey. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He stood up, then helped her to her feet. The two of the slipped into the starlight waters, smiling giddily at each other as they both took a sip from the other’s hand, happiness bursting across their senses as they did.

Feyre giggled and pressed herself into Tamlin, hugging him tightly and nuzzling into his chest as he pulled them into deeper waters. He swept Feyre off her feet once she could barely touch, clutching her to his chest as he spun around, laughing with her when she splashed his face with starlight.

She leaned up, licking a trail of it from his neck before kissing him hungrily, and both of them were breathing heavily once she pulled away.

He had her again, her upper half pressed on the grass as he pounded into her from behind, both of them still standing in the pool. He barely managed to keep himself from knotting her, instead pulling her back onto the blanket so they could dry off, basking in their pleasure as they laid on their sides, facing one another.

Feyre could feel their uninterrupted time coming to a close, but… she needed to talk to him.

“Tam, I know it’s… Important for the wedding to be traditionally Spring, but… would you be able to speak to Ianthe? She’s said some…” Feyre paused, and looked away from his beautiful green eyes. She didn’t want to talk about this, but she needed to. “Unkind things about my body, and I just don’t think I can handle planning the wedding if she continues to be so controlling and harsh on me.” She bit her lip nervously.

Tamlin’s hand came to caress her face, tilting her head so she would look at him. “Of course, Feyre. You are my future Lady of Spring, I want you to feel comfortable. I’ll talk to her, make sure she knows that you input matters. And I’ve already told her to ensure that there is no red at the wedding. I am sorry about that, Fey,” Tamlin said sincerely, giving her a soft smile, one that she returned at his promises.

“Thank you, Tam,” Feyre said, snuggling into him and peppering kisses on his chest and neck. Something akin to a purr rumbled through his chest, and his scent changed once more, deepening with lust.

Feyre was sure they would make love once more, but a horn cut through the air just as she started to kiss him, and he pulled away.

“I’m sorry, love, that’s our cue to return home,” he said regretfully, pulling their clothes over to his side. He dressed Feyre, hands lingering on her curves as long as he would allow, before dressing himself and packing up their things and re-saddling their horse.

“Up you go, omega,” he said as he helped her atop the horse once more, following after her and beginning their ride home.

“What was the horn for?” Feyre asked, leaning back into Tamlin’s strong hold.

“I sent a scouting party to the West after a few reports came back about the welfare of the villages, and they’ve just returned. I was hoping it would be later in the day, though,” he whispered into her ear, a hand gripping her thigh as he did. “I’m planning to take more time with you, though, omega. Don’t you worry.”

A pleasant shiver went down Feyre’s spine at the promise, wishing that it could be now. No time with her alpha was ever enough, it seemed.

They were home soon enough, dismounting at the stables where a number of guards were gathered, obviously the ones from the scouting party if the state of their weapons- bloody and used- were anything to go by.

Feyre was nearly grateful to see Ianthe, her scent an unwelcome but needed change from the metallic tang of blood coming from the guards. “Ah, Feyre, come with me, we have some planning to do,” she said, attempting to tug Feyre back into the manor.

“Ianthe, a quick word?” Tamlin demanded, pulling her aside.

Feyre couldn’t hear what he was saying to her, but assumed it was what they’d talked about. Lucien’s voice made her turn her head, and with the way he was staring at her, she was sure he’d said something to her.

“What?”

“Did you have a good morning?” Lucien asked, a sparkle in his eye. He had obviously known Tamlin’s plan, and could see the joy radiating off of Feyre.

“Mhm, we had a lovely swim,” Feyre replied, and Lucien snorted at her.

“I’m sure, Fey. I’m also sure the local wildlife is traumatized now.”

It was Feyre’s turn to laugh, swatting him on the arm just as Tam and Ianthe returned to her.

“I’ll see you at dinner, omega,” Tamlin said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips before following the guards who were now headed inside of the manor. “Let’s go, Lucien.”

The redhead smiled once more at Feyre before following after their High Lord, leaving Feyre alone with Ianthe.

“Well, Feyre, let’s get to planning. We have a lot to make up for, for these past few days. We’ll manage, though,” Ianthe said sweetly, but Feyre could tell it as fake.

Still, she let the alpha drag her back into that sitting room, taking her place on the couch and accepting that fake sweetness was better than thinly veiled insults. And, she wanted to have some input on the wedding.

And it would make Tamlin happy if she tried her best to get along with his dear friend. So she would do it, for him, even if Ianthe showing her fifteen different types of ribbons to tie the bouquets made her want to claw her eyes out.

After all, he had nearly marked her today, a sign that he wanted it as badly as her.

So she would plan their wedding, and hopefully make her dress something more her this time. Anything else, she didn’t care too much about.

As Ianthe pulled out yet another type of ribbon, Feyre merely nodded her head at Ianthe’s suggestions, picturing herself and Tamlin holding a child bearing both of their features, instead of how her bouquet would look with said ribbon.

Yes, for Tamlin, she could do this.

Series Taglist: @icey--stars @homeslices @holypizzaqueen

General Taglist: @daughterofthemoons-stuff

[j0kers-light]

I was wondering if you would maybe want to write a Joker x reader where the reader has issues with her spine? I had to get spinal fusion surgery a few years ago due to severe scoliosis. And I’m doing a lot better now. But I still have some chronic pain, and difficulties doing things that involve my upper body and lifting heavy weights. It’s also still hard for me to twist without pain, and to use my back to lift things. And I have a long scar going down my whole back that i feel like joker would be curious about. Especially because I don’t tell people about my surgery/pain because I don't want to seem whiny. So if Joker was real I would try to never mention it tbh. But I have to occasionally get a yearly check up x-ray. So I would probably have to explain why on earth I’m going to the hospital for x-rays 🤣

I am kinda curious about how joker would act, and If the reader having lots of issues and weakness would change their dynamic at all. And if he'd be more protective or the same. I feel like he might be more protective just because I have 21 screws in my back. So if I got into some kind of accident where they get loose, they could maybe pierce my internal organs, but that's kind of unheard of and should hopefully never happen 😅😅 Sometimes when I have a lot of pain I do get paranoid that they've somehow come undone and I feel my scar for any bumpy spots 🫠🤢 But that's more of a me thing and my anxiety 😅🤣

Anyways this is totally a self insert and this ended up really long so if you don’t want to write it I totally understand 🥰😅 Sorry I wrote so much😅

His Lighthouse: Screws n' All (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Screws n' All - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi anon!! 🖤✨

Please don't hate me for the extremely long time you had to wait for this oneshot (since July 2024?!) I feel ashamed! For your patience, it was an honor to flesh out your self insert and you should know by now, Chaos is all for representation! I must thank you for your patience because sweet Gaia... If you wish to sue, I deserve it.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and being absolutely beautiful!! Chaos hopes you enjoy love! 🖤✨

If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message!

In the many months that you and Joker been together you learned a lot. One, he is still just as much a mystery than when you first met, and two: Joker is very observant.   

Every little thing that involves you, he’s on it. His green eyes flickered with curiosity, scanning the world around his Bunny—searching for anything out of place. Anything that might bring harm to you or expose him, he acknowledged. You became immune to his protective nature that spiraled into toxic obsession.  

Joker had yet to hurt you so what harm was there being loved by him? 

Despite his attentive nature, you did well to conceal your biggest flaw. The long scar running down the expanse of your back.  

You felt it with every shift you made, the many screws that held you together. Days when your anxiety grew too much, you swore you could feel them moving around and frantically rubbed your skin for any bumpy spots. But that was just your paranoia.   

Pain did crazy things to your brain, that much was certain. However, your paranoia was real when it came to everyday activities.  

You waited until Joker wasn’t looking to do something as simple as bending over or to lift something heavy.

You didn’t want to come off as grouchy, but it did hurt. You masked your winces of pain and smiled whenever he asked why you were moving too slow.   

“Nothing J!” you refused to be weak in his presence.   

Joker was the last person to understand your problems. He was notorious for being impatient and judgmental. Any sign of weakness was a turn off for Joker. You knew that and avoided it at all cost.   

But you could sense the clock running out. The day circled on your calendar loomed closer and closer. It was time for your annual checkup.   

You were uncertain about how you would sneak out of the apartment and avoid Joker finding out and following you. He still had a detail team watching your every move anytime you stepped a foot outside—there had to be a way to avoid detection.   

The last thing you wanted was for Joker to see just how weak you truly were. It was still hard for you to twist without sharp stabs of pain to shoot up your spine. You refused for him to see you naked and discover your not so little secret.   

Yet the day crept closer and closer with Joker being as clingy as ever.   

“Whatcha wanna do today, Bun? Hm? Another uhh... movie mar-a-thon orrrrr should we film another cookin’ show?” He bounced on the couch, unknowingly sending pain running up your back.  

Why couldn’t he sit still for once? The constant Gotham rain was not helping your chronic pain either.  

You simply wanted to suffer in silence today. Joker would not have it. Maybe if you closed your eyes and pretended to sleep he would go away? Nope. You cried out in pain when Joker stood up and tugged on your arms.   

The pressure on your upper back had tears pooling in your eyes and Joker instantly focused on you as a result.  

“Y/n?! What? What’s wrong?”   

You fell back with a huff, trying hard to will the pain away.  

Joker’s words quite literally went through one ear and out the other and he didn’t help when he crowded your space.   

Any other day you would have loved to see his bare face, freckles and all, up close. Joker was handsome without his signature clown makeup and those green eyes of his...  

But right now they highlighted how different you were. He was laser focused on finding the problem. You were fed up with it ruining your life. You missed being healthy, active, and full of life. Now you couldn’t do anything without risking pain.   

You didn’t know you were crying until Joker pulled your hands away from your face. “No no, nooooo no no. None of that, my Light. No.” 

 He sat on the coffee table and wiped your tears away with his thumb. “Now, mind uhhh tellin’ me what’s all thisss abouT?”  

“C’mon. My girl doesn’t cry for nothing.” J hummed when you continued to sob.  

Each tear was a knife to his own back. He was never one for consoling others but this was his Light. You were an exception. Joker would have pulled you into his arms and rubbed your back but he knew you hated being touched there.   

He noticed a lot about you.   

Joker never seen your back (ironic, you never seen his) you always hesitated before doing something strenuous, and you hated being touched there. He wasn’t dumb. You were hiding something.   

You never mentioned your aversions and he didn’t pry.  

A person’s past was private but he wanted to know everything about yours. Which was hypocritical since you would never know about his. Whatever! This was different.   

He was serious about his relationship. You were his world. Your happiness was his joy. Your pain was his next victim, and he knew you were hurting.  

He would take it upon himself to rid whatever ailed you if only you would communicate.   

“Bunny.. talk to me huh? Is it... ahh about this Friday?” you stopped crying instantly. Bingo.  

Joker snorted as he scratched his head. You weren’t that smart circling the date in red on the calendar. Talk about being obvious. “Yeah, figured it was somethin’ im-port-ant. Did I do something?”  

“No! It’s not your fault J. I-It's mine.” You wiped your eyes and shifted on the couch with a grimace. The infamous Joker was sitting before you picking his nails, wanting to know if he hurt you.  

The dynamic the two of you had was insane.   

“It’s complicated.” You said.  

“Then maKe it uncomplicated.” Joker hissed.   

You knew that tone. He was getting frustrated. This was exactly what you wanted to avoid. Your anxiety was at an all time high so you acted without thinking things through.   

You sat up slowly to take off your shirt. “Woah! H-Hey uhh whatcha doin’ there doll?” Joker said in a panic.   

He wasn’t fazed by your nudity (he loved your body) but now was not the time for that! You didn’t speak, even as you struggled to raise the fabric over your head. A frustrated huff signaled Joker to help you. 

He leaned forward to help lift your hands up, kissing your nose before it disappeared under the cotton shirt and then off. You were still beautiful with teary eyes. “A goddess.” J whispered.  

He tossed the shirt somewhere in the room and watched as you began to turn around. Try was the better word.   

You twisted about halfway when the weather outside and your chronic pain clashed.

You whimpered and Joker was right there to reposition you on the couch facing away from him. The assistance highlighted how helpless you truly felt.  

It all happened in slow motion. Joker seen some nasty wounds (and created far worse with his bare hands) but seeing the long scar on your back, hit him square in the chest.   

“Oh Y/n...”  

You jumped sensing Joker’s finger trace the beginning scar tissue near your shoulder blades. It ran straight down following the curve of your spine until it ended a little above your tailbone.

You hadn’t seen it in a while but you would bet a few bucks it was inflamed. Ugly.  

Ugh, you hated your scar and it showed by how your shoulders hunched inward. You wanted to hide even if Joker had a front row view to your most vulnerable part.  

His finger came to a rest in the center of your back when you heard his raspy voice. “How many?”  

How did he know? That was a question for another day.  

You caught his jade eyes out the corner of your eye. “Twenty-one. C-Can you see them?!” You reacted fast, trying to reach around and feel for bumps that weren’t there.   

At least not on the surface.   

Joker caught your left hand and squeezed tight. “Why didn’t ya tell me doll?” 

You clicked your tongue. “That I’m a freak? Yeah, I kinda forgot. Silly me. Hi, my name is Y/n and I have twenty-one screws holding me together oh, and I’m in constant pain.” you always used sarcasm to deflect your true emotions. 

A bad coping mechanism that clearly didn’t work on Joker. He’d fix your attitude later.   

For now he just hummed and traced the fullness of your back.

He wanted to memorize every ridge and valley that made you, you. And just when you thought you couldn’t take any more of his soft featherlike touches, you felt his lips searing into your skin.   

One kiss landed on your lower back, another just above it, until twenty-one kisses branded your spine.  

Joker left a final kiss on your shoulder before speaking up. “And? I love ya screws n’ all, Y/n. Did ya think it would bother me? Me?” 

You leaned back into Joker’s chest as he kissed the slope of your shoulder and neck. It felt nice but his words felt even better.   

“I don’t care bout that stuff. I got a won-der-ful goddess in my arms. Per-fect in every way. You love my scars don’tcha, Bunny? Why can’t I love yours?” He sighed onto your skin.   

Okay he did have a point, yet your brain was still ignorant. “But mine are different. What if I get into some accident and they get loose? They c-could pierce my organs or something!”  

Joker rolled his eyes, “Seriously Y/n? Is that even possible?”  

“It could!!” you whined. You squirmed in his hold but he held firm. You weren’t going anywhere. Joker had a lot of work to do in order for you think logically.   

“Mmmm, then I won’t let ya get in an accident. There. Problem solved.”   

He made it sound so simple. You knew you were the safest person in Gotham, right here in Joker’s arms. Half nude with your lover scattering kisses and the occasional bite on your skin. Joker was getting a little artsy given how he kept trying to urge you down onto the couch. 

That was the last thing you wanted and you called his name to get his attention.   

“My appointment is a few days away! Don’t you dare leave hickeys.” You could already sense the embarrassment when your doctor and radiology team found the ‘masterpiece’ J wanted to create.  

He was obsessed with leaving his mark on you. And the clown thought it was funny. Constantly wearing high collars and scarfs in the dead of summer was not amusing. He did stop nibbling on your neck. Thank goodness.  

“Fine, fine. So booooore~ring.” He loudly kissed your check before leaning back on the couch with you in his arms. His warm chest did wonders for your aching back.  

The two of you sat in silence and watched the downpour of rain beat against the window.  

“Ya know I meant it right? I don’t care about that stuff. I’ll uhh go to your checkup with ya if you’ll stop cryin.” 

Now that made you turn a bit to glare at Joker. “You will? How?”   

He looked offended. “I have you knoooow, I’m an ex-cell-ent nurse when I wanna be. I’ll blend righT in. Don’tcha want me there for moral supporT? Hm? I’ll hold ya hand..”  

You don’t have the heart to tell J he wouldn’t be allowed in the x-ray room but the thought was there. Joker was secretly a softie, only for you.  

“Tempting, oh alright. You can come only if you promise not to kill anyone before Friday.” you nodded your decree.

Simple expectations to follow since it was just a few days out. He went much longer without a tantrum.  

Joker visibly cringed behind your back. “Uhh yeah. Before Friday.” 

You smiled and started dozing off, blissfully unaware your lover was panic cancelling a big mission and rearranging his week’s schedule in his head.

He probably just needed to stay at home this week to meet this no-kill requirement. The things he did for you.  

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[sugar-omi]

bro that teen pregnancy shit fucked me upppp 😭 I fr am in tears and rolling around my bed lol

my brain went on a tangent halfway thru the moms section I was like damn okay what if mc and cove just ran away huh then what

AND THEN I remembered they’ve already ran away before which is part of why mom is so worried about cove’s influence and hellooooo???? full circle moment 🫢 made myself gasp fr

ya u make me think so many thoughts on this one good lordddd

-🗑️

LOL AWW I DIDN'T THINK EVERYONE WOULD GET SO EMOTIONAL </3 AND LMAOOO I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT ABT RUNNING AWAY AGAIN, PLEASE IS THIS GONNA BE A TRADITION LOL anyway, well good morning!!!! here's more angst n food for thought🤭🤭

tags : Angst / Hurt/Comfort, headcanons, fem/afab reader, pregnancy

[part 1: "everyone finding out cove and MC got engaged because they're pregnant"]

his whole world stops. his ears feel like they've been stuffed with cotton and his world is spinning outta control.

now lets assume the rubber broke, just for, simplicity n lore sake.

it's not that he wasn't already worried about this happening, he had been worrying about this for weeks since you realized what happened.

but even then, he already had the fear of god in him about this happening. both because his mom and dad were on him about safe sex, but also because he has a lot of feelings about being an accident n child to teen parents... and he really didn't want to recreate that situation or put feelings like that onto another life, another human with complex emotions and many many thoughts. a human and life he's responsible for.

it shocks him so much, because he's very worried about repeating of his childhood on his child, and his kid feeling the same way he did/does.

he already knows that either way, the babe will probably have mixed feelings on being a accident, and essentially being a bump in road of his young parents lives

but it's also everything he had been worrying about, finally coming to fruition.

even though he's very, very stressed and scared for your futures, he's long since decided to make it work. he really wants to make it work. he wants to do the best by you, and the babe. and he wants to give his kid what he didn't have.

but anyway...

you're very worried about dropping the news on him

and i bought you aren't surprised at how pale cove gets when you drop the news...

and if he's not sitting down already, he is now. (he might just faint, like forreal this time too from the looks of it...)

he's very emotional, and super nervous, but what scares you is that he's very quiet...

when he does speak though, his first question is "what're.. what are you gonna do?"

because before he gets too emotional, he wants to know what you want first. you're carrying the baby and you're the one who'd go through all the changes, and you're the one who has the most intense feelings and being pregnant makes your emotions n hormones even crazier and more intensified.

all that plus how young you two are? and all the plans you two had? yeah, it's a lot, and regardless of how he feels, he wants to do whatever you want and he'd understand if you decide not to keep it.

but if you say right then and there, you wanna keep it, cove says he'll take care of you, and the babe, comforts you and hugs you. then he says wants to get married..

or if you say you dont know... cove says you two will work through these emotions, and that no matter what, he'll take care of you, and the baby if you want it.

when you do eventually say you want to keep it, even if you say this a couple minutes after, or a few days after, cove comforts you again and promises you'll work through this, and that it'll be okay.

then he brings up getting married...

of course it's more emotional, and maybe even a bit romantic!

so imagine this, you're sitting on your bed, and you and cove are hugging each other, you're wrapped up in his arms and it's a great comfort.

you're both really emotional, and calming down after crying and having a moment.

cove pulls away, takes your hands in his and even with glassy, red eyes he has a determined expression. goes on about how much he loves you, and how much he treasures you, and that he's going to do his best for you, and take care of everything.

his speech probably draws you back to tears, even brings him to tears but he keeps going because he needs to tell you all this!!

"y/n... i want to marry you, i want us to be a family.. i know i don't have a ring and this isn't very romantic but.. will you marry me?"

doesn't matter if you say yes right away or if you ask him if he's sure he wants to get married, he reassures you he's not just doing this because he thinks it is what you and/or your or his family would want.

he wants to marry you anyway, why wait?

now about telling your parents.

regardless of if you have cove there while you tell them, or you do it alone, lets say cove finds out what your mom said about him being a bad influence.

i also think your moms are a bit icy with cove too, so even if he has to force out all the details of your conversation, he already knows your moms aren't happy

but to know your mom thought, maybe even thinks so still especially with the news, that he was/is a bad influence on you.

it makes him sad. because what if she, or even both your parents, thinks that cove is dragging your life down with marriage and a baby?

well, like i said in the first post, this totally opens up a new can of insecurities and doubts, and he kinda spirals into his own mind.

he even starts thinking about what if you regret marrying him, and/or having his baby. what if you decide you hate being a parent, or being married, or being a family all together?

what if this holds you back so much that you start to resent him. god he's so afraid of you resenting him.

and your moms being short with him doesn't make him feel better because now he just had a thought, what if your family hates him so much that they start talking to you about how much of a mess this is, and then you realize how they're right, and decide to leave him, or even worse, leave him and the baby?

it's all very irrational thoughts, and when he wakes up (after maybe 3 hours sleep), he realizes it is a bit.. ridiculous. just a bit. he knows you wouldn't abandon him so easily, and you certainly wouldn't be swayed by your family

but he also wouldn't blame you if you had, or have (now or in the future), any resentments. he just really wants it to work.

i think this is also the time when he realizes exactly how much his parents divorce fucked him up.

he very determined for you two to make it work as a family. not co-parents.

he wants to see his kid every day, he wants to see you everyday, he wants to celebrate every milestone as a family and he definitely doesn't want to fight with you like his parents did. and even more so doesn't want to make your kid hear or see all of it.

he doesn't wanna fight, and then you or him walk out for hours or days. doesn't wanna sleep in separate rooms, doesn't wanna sleep by the crib to comfort himself with the presence of his darling baby, or because you two fought, like his dad used to.

doesn't wanna have to explain why mommy* and daddy are fighting, or why they don't sleep in the same room, or why they aren't talking to each other, or why they aren't living together anymore.

definitely doesn't want to explain what divorce is and what that means for them.

(*just saying mommy for simplicity sake)

but he also doesn't want to repeat what his dad did, and take on all the burden by himself.

it's hard to find a balance too, because he's torn between working his ass off to provide and prove that he can do it, that you aren't making a mistake... and accepting help, or letting himself relax sometimes.

but i think wanting to be there for you during the pregnancy, forces him to leave his days more open.

of course he still works more than usual, but he also makes sure to carve out time to see you, and be there to comfort you or bring you food, flowers, or go on a date.

remember i mentioned therapy in the last post?

please encourage him to start it. because this is a very big transition in your lives, and you both want the best for yourselves and the baby, so lets do the work before they get here, okay?

fighting with his dad

now he definitely appreciates his parents concern, and their support and words of wisdom, all that stuff...

but when his dad says something like "you don't want to end up like me and your mom." or "you shouldn't mess up your future." or even if he insistently tells cove, "think about your future! y/n's future!"

cove gets upset, just because does that mean his dad is projecting onto him, and telling him that they're fucking up just like he and mom did? or is he telling him that he's dragging your future and his into the mud?

either way, that's what makes him say something mean, just like i said in the last post:

cove would probably end up saying something (a bit) hurtful like "i would never end up like you and mom." , "i would never marry MC if i didn't know it'd work. unlike some people, i'm not gonna make my kid listen to us argue and then try to play happy family." , or "trust me, my kid won't end up with a childhood like mine." / "trust me, my marriage won't end up like yours."

he definitely hangs up the call or walks away from his dad immediately afterward, shaking with anger and anxiety. he's so stressed. and he's worked up.

after the argument, there's only 2 places cove could go at this moment. to you, or to work.

and if he's at work, he's distracted, but tries to focus on his job. he's still mad at his dad, and he already feels like crying. he really didn't need his dad to doubt him.

he gets it. he gets it, he really really does. but he feels so fragile, that he'd really appreciate a little faith.

now if he's with you, which he'd probably run to you after work anyway just so he doesn't have to face his dad yet. he's like a big baby

he's holding you, arms around your waist and his head on your stomach or lap, or you're laying on your side and he has his hand on your belly, as if he's waiting for the baby to reach for his hand through your tummy.

when he tells you what happened, and why he's so somber, please run your fingers through his hair and just listen to him for a bit... eventually he'll start rambling about all the things he's been holding onto, including his fears about you resenting him

it'll probably be a long talk, but once you reassure him that you wanna make it work too, and that you know cove will be a good dad (and vice versa), and that your moms don't hate him, they're just... upset. and worked up about the turn of events.

and you talk about his dad too, and the argument, you both realize it comes from a place of concern.

he doesn't wanna see you two try to be a family and fail. he doesn't want you to make mistakes he did while raising cove...

conclusion, it's a very fruitful conversation. and cove goes back home, teary eyed and a bit like a lost puppy, and that night he doesn't find his dad waiting for him (cliff tries to work as late as possible, both because he wanted to give cove some space, but also because he has a bad habit of avoiding situations... so when he does get home, he spends the night in his room)

of course they can't avoid each other forever, and the next day cove actually makes the effort to find his dad during his lunch break to apologize.

he said something really hurtful, that i don't think cove could live with if he didn't apologize.

his dad definitely laughs when cove mentions that you said that cove should try therapy, and even if you don't say that his dad should consider it too, cove does say to his dad that a family therapist sounds like a good idea.

[tightjeansjavi]

Caracalla having a pet monkey just about sums up what him and Geta are like honestly 😆

Listen to me yap below the cut!

When this article dropped yesterday my jaw actually dropped because hearing that the writers for gladiator ii and basically have the same brains when it comes down to our characterization of Geta and Caracalla, my mind was blown 🤯

I just about lost it when I saw that they also made the choice to have Geta as the older more ✨responsible✨ brother while Caracalla is just unhinged as fuck and honestly? He’s so fucking fun to write 😭 like yesterday I wrote bro just killing one of Geta’s servants for FUN because that’s just something that he absolutely would do and then this article pretty much backs up my assumption. Fucking crazy 🫠

Anyway, this shit truly has me geeking and my excitement for this film grows each day.

To sum up these two psychopath emperors in my own words, they’re cunty asf and I am GAGGED.

I will admit after reading the article and seeing the recent promo I was like oh shit…is what I’ve been writing for months going to be a carbon copy of the movie? And then I was like nah! Big difference is that Marcus is younger in Et Auream and Geta is older (by two years) so there’s a bit of a power imbalance between them (as you will all see) whereas I imagine in the movie, Geta and Caracalla probably think they can run circles around Marcus, but I imagine that doesn’t last very long 🤭

The plot for Et Auream is something truly masterful imo and yes I will brag about it bc I’m really proud of myself 😭

[spiralwriting]

Promises

(look at me being productive, woo hoo)

Promises should never be broken.

Despite the knots that tightened sickeningly in my stomach and the salty river that threatened to spill from my eyes with each passing second, that sentiment circled my brain, flashing like a neon sign.

No matter how much it hurt.

No matter how much I wish I could be anywhere but here.

A promise is a promise, no matter the pain it causes.

So in spite of the dread settling in my heart, I face the man I've come to visit- the man I promised to visit.

This is far from the first time I've sat on this decrepit old chair across from the equally uncared for table, but the white hot glare it reflects never ceases to scolded my eyes; exposing them to the ugly truth of the situation. A Truth I'd trade for anything: a miracle perhaps. A miracle I'd use to travel back in time, one I'd use to prevent this all from happening. How? I don't know, but I'm sure I'd find a way.

If only I had the chance.

Today is particularly grim, so grim in fact that I wish I hadn't even bothered rolling out of bed this morning. Although, I wouldn't miss today for the world, even if it causes me unparalleled amounts of agony.

I can't miss today, it might be my last opportunity to say goodbye, because I don't think I can bring myself to come back and face him if things don't end up going well.

"You didn't have to come today..." His voice, soft, yet tense. "I know this must be hard for you..." he feels it too, the pressure in the room.

Sighing, I shake my head, "No matter how I feel, today is important. I want to be here for you before shit goes down."

This afternoon, the final trial, the verdict. It's terrifying, but it's unavoidable. The gang has been together through thick and thin, today is no different. Currently, there have been no hints towards what might happen, so it's completely up in the air, which makes it that much more unnerving. Ashley is supposed to be giving a statement to the court, which is interesting, seeing as nobody had asked any of us to do so.

"Well I'm glad you're here," a small, feble smile spreads across his scarred face "I will admit, I was really happy when the guard told me you did end up coming."

I can't help the smile that creeps onto my face, knowing that I made his day a little brighter during this bleak time. "Good news for you then, I'm not going anywhere, love."

A yawn suddenly overtakes that smile, drowsiness swallowing my body. "You look exhausted," concern shadows his face "you haven't been sleeping right again, have you?"

I run a hand through my hair, averting my gaze to look at the dull concrete walls of the room instead of his rather unimpressed expression.

"Don't worry about it, just a couple of late nights." My eyes return to meet his, but he doesn't seem convinced.

"Mmhmm."

I can't help but laugh bitterly at his disbelief. I'm aware that he knows me far too well to fall for that blatant lie, and he knows it to.

"Let's be real here, the words 'sleep schedule' haven't been in my vocabulary since I was 12 and they released clumpy."

From the serious look on his face, he didn't appear to like my joke too much. "Has this whole thing been stressing you out? It's okay if it has, i understand that but it shouldn't stop you from functioning. You still need to take care of yourself-"

"Relax! It's nothing to do with this, it's just work n' shit." Lier.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

He sighs in defeat, wether he believes me or not, he doesn't push further. "How have you been anyways? Up to anything interesting?"

I think for a moment, resting my head lazily in my hand, whilst the other traces imaginary shapes across the fridgid table. "No, not really. Life's been pretty boring since we lost most of the group." My eyes narrow "I spend most of my time working now, trying to get enough money to get myself a place." Head shifting to look at him once again, my hand stops and relaxes. "When I'm not working my ass off, I'm usually here." Or drinking my life away in the dark abis my room.

He sits back in his chair, tilting his head slightly, something I've always loved about him, even now, it's so... Cute. "When's the last time you spoke to ash?"

Mirroring his actions, my face falls in distain. "Not recently, that's for sure. I've talked to her about all this, but she's certain none of it is real, that were just deluded by childhood fantasies." A scoff falls from my mouth "So I haven't bothered with her."

"I know it's frustrating, she's expressed the same feelings towards me when she's been here, but you can't isolate yourself like this." He moves forward, holding his chained hand out for mine. I oblige. "You're gonna end up alone, and that's not what you deserve."

My grip on his hands tighten as I attempt to conceal my frustration, "I know, I don't want to end up alone, it's just so... Ugh!" Ripping my hands from his own, I rub my face, aggravated "I just don't understand how after everything she still doesn't believe us. After Larry, after Todd, after..." My gaze falters and falls to the table "... You."

"Her friends are getting hurt, and I don't understand how she just doesn't care." I burry my face in my hands.

After everything we've been through together, her complete disregard for anything I, or anyone else has to say, is pushing me to the edge. I know I'm not insane, despite what she might think.

"Don't say that," guilt consumes me at the somber tone of his voice "she does care, in her own way, she just... doesn't understand. She's still out friend, remember that."

I peek at him through my fingers, he's leaned forward again, brows knitted together and sad look in his eyes. He's hurt by her disbelief, I can see it, but like always, he sees the best in her, like he does with everyone. Like he did with me. He's so sweet, so kind, and I'm once again brought back to how. How could this happen? I believe him when he says he had no choice, but why. Why sal? Why the most genuine, most loving man on this earth? It's not fair.

But when has life ever been fair to him?

My head falls forward, hands dropping and hair covering my shameful face, "Yeah, sorry, you're right. I'm just frustrated, you know? It's hard to understand where she's coming from but... She probably feels the same way, huh?"

"Yeah, she does. Can't blame her, she was never as involved as we were in the cult."

The guilt falls away with the force of a waterfall, replaced with uncontrollable rage at the mention of the cult. They caused all of this. I haven't thought about, nor touched anything to do with it since the incident. Why would I when all it does it cause harm and heartache to those who get involved? As soon as this whole thing is over, I don't plan on sticking around long.

"Alright Mr. Fisher, times up." A guard saunters lazily into the room, looking at a sheet of paper. "you've got an appointment with Dr. Enon before your trial."

Blankly, I stare at the man that interrupted our conversation. The world around me begins to dissolve as I realise the time that approaches.

I rise to my feet, legs feeling numb, and as if I could collapse at any moment. My steps feel staggered as I make my way out of the melancholy room. In contrast to the dull, lifeless room I previously sat in, the seemingly endless halls are pristine, bright and somewhat less depressing. Though, it still feels devoid of life.

My body turns and takes a step forward towards sal.

"I'll see you in the court room, okay?" My hands caress his mask, fingers running smoothly across his scruffy hair. Guiding his face up, I lay the ghost of a kiss on his forehead, keeping it there for a moment. "I love you, Sal." A whisper, a secret, a promise, only for us to hear.

A relaxed exhale releases loudly through the holes of his prosthetic, head leaning against my chin slightly. "I love you too..."

"Come on, let's go!"

I glare at the guard overtop of the mop of messy blue hair, releasing his face and taking a miniscule step backwards. A smile sits painfully along my face as we say our farewells and I watch him turn and make his way down the hall.

I stand there for what feels like hours before he finally rounds a corner.

My face falls.

[moondust-imagines]

Friend with Benefits (Edge (Adam) x Reader)

Warnings: SMUT, age gap

Word count: 1.8K (lmao)

At first, your arrangement with Adam had been perfect. It gave you both the release you needed, without the commitment of a relationship. There were no hard feelings if you didn’t talk for a few weeks, he could just fall back into your bed, no questions asked. That’s not to say you never imagined what life would be like with him being a permanent feature but you knew it was all just a fantasy. Maybe you should call off this whole thing and look for someone to settle down with. Just not tonight.

You had just checked into the hotel for the night when your phone buzzed with a message from him

Adam: Congrats on the title match, you at hotel?

Adam was not a man who enjoyed texting, his messages were always short. Of course, news of your title shot had spread quickly, it wasn’t even officially announced yet. But Adam had a way of knowing everything that was going on.

You: Thank you! I’m in room 216, see you in 10?

Adam knew this relationship-that’s-not-a-relationship with you was dangerous. He did genuinely enjoy your company, it didn’t hurt that you were drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe he just couldn’t break habits from his younger days but god, he was so happy in your bed. He always made an effort to not be the one to invite you over, he liked to leave that to you. It made him feel less like a gross old man preying on younger talent. You assured him over and over that you knew that wasn’t the case, it didn’t make him feel any better.

The walk to your room was short but he still had to be careful. God forbid he runs into someone else from work and has to explain his way out of it. Luckily, he arrived at your door without any issues and knocked gently. When you pulled the door open, he could hardly believe his luck. There you stood, in just his old shirt you had borrowed a few weeks ago, hair still damp from the shower. You quickly pulled him in before someone noticed what was going on.

“That looks good on you, sweetheart” He grinned at you once the door was shut again. A light blush graced your cheeks as you looked down at your clothes.

“Thanks, I think it looked better on you though” You replied, sitting yourself gently on the edge of the bed.

He didn’t need too much invitation, seeing you in his clothes had awoken some possessive part of his soul. His shirt was discarded onto the floor and he pushed you back onto the bed, his lips capturing yours passionately. Your fingers tangled themselves into his hair and his own busied themselves getting your panties out of the way. He ended up ripping them rather than struggling them down your legs.

“Adam!” You protested

“They weren’t your colour anyway”

Before you could respond, he worked two fingers inside you, causing you to gasp. His thumb instantly found your clit as he curled his fingers to find your spot. He had you whimpering already and you pulled his mouth to yours again. He knew when you started to get close and stopped. He prided himself on being able to get you right to the edge of the cliff but pull you back. You made quick work of pulling off his jeans and straddling his hips. You weren’t usually a fan of being on top but it gave you at least a little control over him. He let out a low groan as you lowered yourself onto his length.

“Fuck baby, you look so damn pretty sitting on my dick”

Adam had always been a good talker, be it in the ring or the bedroom. He knew you loved it when he would shower you with compliments during sex. So he kept going as you started bouncing on him, his thumb once again circling your clit. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer, your movements getting sloppier. He knew it too.

“That’s my girl, come for me, baby”

That almost short-circuited your brain. Not once, in the entire time you had known him, had to ever referred to you as his. Regardless, you fell apart on him a few moments later. Your body was convulsing as you collapsed onto his chest. He wasted no time in switching positions so he could plough into your pliant form. He was muttering even more praise into your ear, you were too far gone to pay attention. He finished not too long after and collapsed onto the bed next to you.

As you came down from your high, his words kept swirling in your mind. His girl. Sure, you had thought about it. Maybe you had wished for him to say something like that. But now you were terrified, what if they were just said in the heat of the moment? That felt somehow worse. You decided to quickly jump up and run to the bathroom under the guise of cleaning up.

The second the bathroom door shut, Adam slapped his hands onto his face. Why the fuck did he say that?! He knew the rules of this..thing and that definitely broke them. You were going to run for the hills and he was never going to see you again. He had to get out of here, no wonder you had ran to the bathroom so quickly, you were probably wishing he was gone already. He quickly pulled his clothes back on before knocking on the door.

“I gotta bail sweetheart, I’ve got a dinner with Vince. See you around”

Once you heard the click of the hotel door shutting, you emerged from the bathroom. Sure, he didn’t usually hand around to talk much after. Hell, what would you even say to him after that? You threw yourself onto the bed and grabbed a pillow to scream into. Maybe he knew about your growing feelings for him and he was just teasing you. Yeah, that had to be it. How embarrassing is that!

After that encounter, you decided to steer clear of Adam for a while. It wasn’t too difficult, you had both agreed a while ago that hanging out too much at work would raise too much suspicion. So you just stopped texting him. It felt strange to have him missing from your life, no congratulatory message after a win, no stupid jokes about the show after it was off the air. You threw yourself into training for your big match and tried not to think about how badly you missed him.

Adam was convinced you hated him. You hadn’t even looked in his direction for weeks, he knew he screwed up but god, not having you around hurt a lot more than he thought it would. He saw you training harder than ever, he usually wouldn't bat an eyelid at that, but he found himself worrying about you. Were you eating enough? Did you need someone to go over the match with? That was the one eating at him, he had always loved how keen you were to listen to his suggestions or give your own. You had spent hours together pitching each other matches. It was while he was bouncing ideas around with Rhea that it hit him, the realisation that he’d much rather be doing this with you.

Adam: Hey, been a while. Wanna get some room service or something?

You had been staring at that text for what felt like an age. Sure, you could use a booty call to let off some steam. But he never invited you over. An uneasy feeling settled into your stomach as you sent a quick reply. You looked at yourself in the mirror, you didn’t want to look like hell if he was inviting you over to tell you he was done with you. You dragged your feet a little as you made your way over to his room and took a deep breath before knocking on his hotel room door. He opened it almost instantly as if he had been waiting just behind it.

“Hey,” He said as he laid eyes on you. He felt like the air had been punched out of him. The first thing he noticed was how tired you looked like you had been battling a war for days. But all he could think about was how beautiful you were.

“You going to let me in?” You chuckled falsely. He nodded and stepped aside. His hotel rooms were always much more lavish than yours, you would be lucky to get a bed more than five feet away from the couch. You perched yourself on the armchair, leaving the couch to Adam.

“So, how have you been?” He asked after a few moments of awkward silence. His hands were clammy and he wasn’t quite sure where to look. You could feel the nervous energy radiating from him.

“What do you want, Adam?” You demanded. You didn’t want to be short with him but you couldn't bare a long drawn-out letdown. You’d rather rip the band-aid off.

“What? Sweetheart, I don’t want anything I’m just worr-”

“Look, if you're done with me just say it” You spat, tears already welling in your eyes. This shouldn't hurt as much as it is. You shouldn’t care as much as you do.

“Done with you? I thought you were done with me, you haven’t texted me in weeks!” He exclaimed. This is not how he wanted this to go, seeing the tears in your eyes made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. You stared at the ceiling, willing your tears to go away. Then he was on his knees in front of you, taking your hands in his.

“Sweetheart, I’ve missed you so much. Things just aren’t as fun when I don’t get to share them with you. I know this is supposed to be a casual thing and I won’t blame you if you want to walk away. But you need to know that I’ve got these feelings for you”

Your heart was about to beat out of your chest as you stared at him. You searched his eyes for any sign of deceit, that this was all one cruel joke. All you found was love and hopefulness. Your tears were flowing for a different reason now.

“You really mean it?” You asked shakily

“Of course I do” He replied softly

You pulled him towards you and kissed him passionately. You practically fell to the floor with him as he put you into his lap. His hand cradled your face gently as you deepened the kiss. You could taste the salt of your tears between your lips as he finally broke away for air. His thumb moved to wipe away the moisture from your eye.

“No more tears over me, OK baby?”