#anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now

[secondbeatsongs]

when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts

but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!

and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?

welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast

anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.

[brucewaynehater101]

As someone who is partly deaf, I love that deaf Tim stuff. But hear me out for something that could work for either of them. What if on complete accident when both the Bats and Rouges hear about Tim's disability, the Rouges are the ones who do a better job with not looking down on Tim. Yes they add things to help him, like for Deaf Tim Joker would also use ASL as he monologs to make sure that Tim can understand him or with Blind Tim Riddler makes puzzle rooms themed around telling the difference in textures or he reads all the riddles out loud.

Meanwhile the Bats are. They *tried* ok? But they keep over compensating because they worry about Tim. Unlike the Rouges who don't pull their punches, during training the Bats do start pulling punches and going a little easier on Tim. Dick keeps trying to do things for Tim that Tim knows he can do. Bruce keeps taking him off cases that involve in person investigation. Damian keeps saying things about how all tasks should be left to him because clearly he's the superior one (if it's early Damian, later on when they're on better terms he wouldn't be as assholish about it but also keeps trying to take over tasks for Tim)

I'm really really glad that you vibed with the AU.

As far as your additions, I 100% agree. Having "good intentions" for people can still be harmful and frustrating. That's why, in these AUs, Tim tries to hide his disability until he's able to prove his efficiency. It's dealer's choice whether the Bats choose to acknowledge the evidence or are still doubting his capabilities.

I think the fic from the OG post has a scene where Babs, Cass, and Tim meet up to discuss the microaggressions they face from the Bats due to their respective disabilities. The sequel definitely has cute interactions between Damian and Tim. Damian refuses for anyone to treat his "rival" as weak or incapable. Peak siblings energy.

The funny part I find about this would be the Rogues accommodating Tim's disabilities just so they can defeat him. If Joker learned ASL for Tim, he'd probably research the hell out of how to look intimidating and scary while doing it (since, depending on Tim's hearing loss, Joker can't effectively utilize the vocal tone skills he's trained to be terrifying). Riddler would treat it as another puzzle and mental exercise (his Riddles would likely increase in accessibility for multiple disabilities as time progresses. He wants to challenge folks by their thinking abilities, not by their ability to test within the constraints placed on them. Perhaps, after his research and new implementations, he even starts targeting schools that unfairly places confines on their students [from both a socioeconomic standpoint and from improper accommodations]).

Anyways, I would love a fic that highlights some of the Bats' treatment of Tim and how not to interact with folks of different disabilities. Stuff like infantilizing, doing tasks for the person without permission, assuming what someone can handle, and disregarding them. It'd be cool to watch Tim try open communication (asking boundaries and what level of assistance the person desires) with all of them. For some, that's all that's needed. They have a clear guideline of "that shit was not okay" and the lines of communication are open for them to ask clarification in the future. For others, they listen to Tim, agree to change, and still pull that shit. I personally vote for Tim getting petty.

I feel like Babs and Cass would be the ones to understand the most that Tim can do anything he sets his mind to (he's so incredibly stubborn that he'd probably even be able to steal LexCorp from Luthor if he was motivated enough. He most likely even has plans already drawn for it ready to implement at any point). Duke would probably understand how others' perceptions of Tim affect him.

I also kill for Tim utilizing WE resources to bring aid and accommodations based on more specific audiences (such as how kids in the foster system, LGBT youth, and those with disabilities [both mental and physical] disportionately make up the homeless population).

I'm rambling a bit because sociology is a passion of mine. I'd get a higher education on the subject if I had the money.

Anyways, I love considering such perspectives in fanfiction. Let me know if there's other stuff I should add to this AU!

[kittenintheden]

okay listen I'm so tired lol

I am a fandom old. I've been around the freaking block like eight dozen times. I'm at the point in my life where I enjoy media because it's FUN and ENRICHING for me personally, rather than something I base my identity on. I adore the community that happens in fan spaces (mostly).

here is why I never trust an anon that's clearly just being a dick: I've been in way to many scenarios where people who aren't even invested in the thing just think it's so fucking funny to watch segments of a community fight with each other. it tickles some part of their lizard brain. their mom never taught them not to be an asshole to strangers. idk.

there's a political term that you may or may not be familiar with called astroturfing. it's frequently used in marketing and politics to falsely create the image of vast public support for something that doesn't actually have all that much natural support. for example, people who don't especially have strong feelings about trans issues being encouraged/paid/instructed to respond to any and all trans support a certain way. responding to blogs, sending letters to the editor, posting on message boards, etc. their goal is to create a broad public perception that most people are anti-trans (untrue).

and it works. entire fucking laws and legislation and protests and fearmongering come out of that shit. people make up FAKE PROBLEMS (cis men dressing up like women to go be pervy in public bathrooms???) and spread the word via bad actors and controlling the public discourse. the media conglomerate that gamed Facebook to disproportionately support asshole authoritarian alt-right clowns and got them elected was EXCELLENT at it.

a similar thing can happen in fandom, ESPECIALLY when that fandom is a haven for women, POC, queer folk, and other minorities. you guys might remember GamerGate and SadPuppies? yeah all those fuckers are still active and still purposely being shitty at every given opportunity because they think it's funny to make the "libs" fight amongst themselves.

look up #yourslipisshowing if you're not familiar. it was a movement by Black Twitter (specifically Black WOMAN Twitter) to expose bad actors who would create accounts posing as Black woman activists, learn the surface-level terminology, and just purposely cause discord in leftist spaces under the ever-familiar activist method of "being morally pure is a thing that can exist."

anyway: any time I get an ask or comment without a name attached that is very obviously intended to poke me in a sore spot, I delete that shit and assume it's some fucker trying to start fan drama for kicks. even if I'm wrong, I still don't need to feed into that shit. this is my fun, happy space. I'm an activist and do activist shit and get angry at the world in real life, I don't need it in my little fandom corner of the internet too.

which is not to say that shitty fans and shitty fandom takes don't really exist. they very much do. but I don't give them much air unless there's an actual name attached. and even THEN it can be hit or miss because people can and do create fake accounts if they're especially dedicated to being a shithead.

so: if you're minding your business and some goober comes into your ask box with shit that's clearly intended to push a button, give it like 24 hours to cool down and decide if it's actually worth it to respond. for me, most of the time I determine that it's not.

don't get me wrong. calling out bad behavior in fandom IS IMPORTANT and SHOULD BE DONE. I just also think it's important to try and find the joy and camaraderie in these spaces as much as possible and that people who try to disrupt that for jollies suck real bad and give a disproportionate perception of "what X fans are like."

in summary, my philosophy is be the best person you can be, be as kind as is warranted, focus on the parts of your fandom that make you happiest, and carry a big stick for when the jerks won't take a hint.

also like. shitting on other characters to prop up your fave is such a freaking middle school move. are you in middle school? if so, I'm sorry. if not, I'm still sorry, but for a different reason.

[apricusnights]

"It's funny, what little we actually know about this world. Take the five Emperors for example. The amount of information we have is..well it really isn't all that impressive."

"I doubt that is anything that bothers you too much right? Otherwise you wouldn't have asked about it in the first place. Well, sit down and I'll tell you everything we know. Everything that the previous university presentation didn't go over."

"You can probably guess that we don't have concrete details on things like ages or where they are from. Just know that everything I tell you is pretty much everything anyone is gonna know. I doubt you're gonna find out any way other than tryin to speak to one of them...good luck with that."

"See this drawing? Oh right, I should probably mention that since we don't really have any pictures we have to go off details of those who have been before them. Anyway.."

"This is Clarion. We know the name because a few others have heard it. Clarion is..kind of..well if all of them are mysterious, this one is likely the most. They seem to enjoy causing mischief, they are something of a trickster if you will. They have a set of cat ears so we have to assume they decided at one point to get augmentation, unless those are natural..who knows."

"Nobody has seen Clarion fight but they are an emperor so I'm willing to bet their skill is way above just about everyone else. They seem to have some sort of shadow based power. Members of the Marigold clan reported being engulfed in shadow and suddenly waking up on a beach..half a world away."

Nations with possible bloodline ties: Fae Apricus Kwailai

"Ah right, the big man. His name is Vili, or so we are told. He's monstrous, we're talkin someone who could probably throw a titan class chimera. Vili has a set of horns, again maybe an augmentation at some point. He values strength above all else. It's said he watches battles across all nations. If you ask me it's likely that warriors often seek his blessing."

"He's regarded as the second strongest emperor, and possibly the oldest. He have some reports of a fight against him and it went about as well as you could expect Still, seems he respect those who refuse to give up even against overwhelming odds."

"We have no real idea what his powers may be. All we have are reports of his sheer strength, size, and neat invulnerability. Perhaps he simply hasn't had an open he considers worthy enough to show off what he can really do."

Nations with possible bloodline ties: Nivis Völsung Calere

"This is Tagetes, the rabbit eared emperor. As you can tell by the nickname she's got rabbit ear augmentations, I think? Like I said before, maybe they are natural..who knows with these folk."

"Tagetes hasn't been seen fighting so we don' have a lot of information on her style or what her combat abilities may be. We can assume they are fairly high though as she's managed to talk two of the other emperors down and that's not somethin everyone can do."

"She seems to posses the ability to heal someone from nearly any wound inflicted on them. There are rumors that she can pinpoint weak spots of sorts on any opponent and is able to somehow shut down someone's offense by striking them. Again, we've never heard of her fighting so how much of that is true, we may never know."

Nations with possible bloodline ties: Ricusare Asirel Fulminare Islands

"The drawing of the big lady there? That's Morrigan. Least I think that's her name. She's one we got a little bit of combat information about. She's strong, like insanely strong..might even rival Vili. But she's also really quick, quicker than she has any right to be. She seems to control some incredibly unique weapons...or maybe it's one weapon in several parts..hard to say."

"Reports say she's got some weird ability to drain the life force out of someone. Maybe it makes her stronger, maybe she just does it for fun. She's been known to be a bit sadistic on the battlefield."

"She's one of only two emperors that seem to have no augmentation done. She also seems to be one of the more mysterious emperors since little else is known about her."

Nations with possible bloodline tie: Kwailai Fae Réunion

"This one is gonna be short. See this guy? We don't even know what his name is. He's often referred to "The First". The first what? We don't know, maybe the first of the emperors. It would fit since he seems to have been around longer than the other four."

"Without any doubt in my mind I'd say he's the strongest one of the bunch. When you've got people as strong as the other emperors listening to you, and not wanting to get on your bad side..yeah."

"We have no reports on what his powers are, no reports on anything really. Wish I had more to give you but everyone seems to be at a loss when it comes to this guy."

Nations with possible bloodline ties: Apricus Crepusculum ???

"Can these folks really grant just about any desire you have? Who knows. Anyway, thanks for droppin by. You may be able to find some more information if you dig around enough but I doubt you'll find much more. "

"Have a nice weekend everyone!"

[petphantoms]

this is the post i based my hermitcraft beginnings with, but i didn't actually use it much.

that said, i wanted to give advice about how i actually took it, but it is... long, sorry, um.. but i hope it helps! its just me detailing how i found out who i enjoy watching, and while i admit i've only been into hermitcraft for a few months, i know this exact feeling anon and its so recent that i know what my steps to get into it were :P

TLDR;

pick someone (i did grian), start a random season (i did 9), and if someone else in the video catches your attention, give their videos a visit!

you can seek out a relatively contained side series (3rdlife, streams), or fan content (fanart, clips), to see what projects, people, or characters intrigue you the most. check out the hermitcraft content from there.

don't forget about hermitcraft recap to help you learn about new people either, and the official hermitcraft website lets you see who all is involved and what they're uploading.

dont overwhelm yourself with people to watch, treat everything like a sample platter until you know what you like and want to experiment with what you're curious about

have fun and be yourself 👍

so! i consider myself new to hermitcraft personally, but its been a good few months with some experimentation, and what ive been doing is this;

i have OCD, and a really specific and severe issue where i cannot do ANYTHING that isn't in chronological order. so i didnt start where season 9 was when i got into it, i just picked up from the beginning and started binging it. i find this kind of nice, because then you aren't thrown into the middle of a project or an arc you don't really have the context for. also, at the beginning of the season, everyones kinda crammed together in starter bases, and theirs first session shenanigans that help introduce you to hermits other than the one you're watching.

depending on if you want to start now, or with the new season, this may or may not be something you even needed to hear advice for, but i figured it would be good to say anyway.

i started with grians videos, because i was told when i first started that he does events, and he socializes, and he builds, so he's pretty well rounded. as i watched grians videos, i got interested in his friends! i started watching their videos, and so the cycle repeats.

some hermits don't socialize near as much. that's fine, too, but then this method doesn't work as well. i enjoy scar and mumbo for different reasons than i enjoy grian, and the way i watch their videos is so different from the way that i watch bdubs.

if you do like grian and friends, the life series also contains a few hermits, which is how i properly got interested in scar's videos and now hes my the guy ever. the life series is nice because its 10 episodes a series tops (not even that) and because of the amount of scheming that goes on you kind of naturally want to see other perspectives, so you end up gravitating towards who interests you.

the other mod of this blog really likes geminitay, and im pretty sure they got into gem from the life series! ive personally also taken an interest in cleo from it too :P the only problem with this advice is that not all the participants are hermits, so it might not help with this hermitcraft quest.

if you arent into those folks, thats so real. thats just been my experience, but theres a lot of other ways to go about it that i feel like follow a similar method of experimentation and exploration. idk what you like, and idk how each of the hermits play, or their humor styles, but i figure a good way to figure it out is through watching clips.

a lot of the funny or weird guys get clipped and posted, so like, i can assume with a lot of faith that tibby here likes cubfan, lol. if you like the cub clips, or the cub fan content, 100% poke to see if cub would be your jam. try this method with others; i plan to with zed in the new season.

theres the hermitcraft recap channel and i saw it recommended to newbies? i would honestly take the idea of "this person seems interesting" from my grian watching and apply it to those too, tbh. i havent personally tested it, but im sure it would work.

a lot of my tips work mostly for social hermits, but that's also the type of content that i like watching. if you aren't into socializing and shenanigans, it probably wouldnt hurt to just open the hermitcraft website and click on whatever you see. if it doesn't interest you, then you can try something new. or, you can use what you know you don't like, to narrow down what you might.

don't try to push through a video style or some humor you aren't as interested in just because. i think in the beginning of getting into something like hermitcraft, which is so big and can be so overwhelming, giving yourself a solid footing in what you really like watching is more important than trying to have a diverse experience or a wide range of people to watch.

i dont really like pearls videos, but i enjoy her streams. i feel this same way about impulse. but i only explore that much because i know that if im not into it, i have other stuff that i am into to fall back on, and i dont feel left behind in the fan community just because someone doesn't fit my niche.

ill also say that i have listed a LOT of hermits that i watch. ... you can just watch one guy. i only watched grian i think for a solid two, two and a half months. i also consume a lot of video content, because that's just what i like to do, so i like having a large variety to pick from. you dont need that. you can subsist off your one little guy in your own little corner of the internet and be totally fine.

all that said, i hope this was of any sort of value, and totally see what everyone says about their favorite hermits in the replies, to see if that helps you find a starting place.

i hope you find someone you like and join the ride! :P

-mod mooshroom

where do I start if I want to get into hermitcraft? You post about it a lot and it's made me curious about what it is

oh gosh, that’s a tricky one because there’s a lot of seasons and a lot of different perspectives to watch with their own video styles. Honestly you asked at a good time, since the newest season is right around the corner! It depends on what kind of content you vibe with, though. There’s a lot of creators on hermitcraft with their own unique styles, some are builders, some are redstoners, some are very chill and laid back while others are very high energy and fast paced.

honestly if anyone would like to pitch their favorite hermit & why anon should watch them in the replies i’d greatly appreciate it (my carpal tunnel has been acting up these past few days and i dont think i can write my goodtimeswithscar and cubfan essays right now hahah but those are my reccomendations)

[mittensmorgul]

For anyone interested in long-term residence in the supernatural fandom, please have some observations I’ve made over the decade I’ve been here. Take it or leave it as you will, but I’ve found all of this info useful over the years I’ve been here.

I wrote this yesterday, and it achieved its mission of identifying the sort of folks who would react negatively to it (i.e. a lot of block lists have been updated), so now that it’s been edited for content, it’s going under a cut (because that is how we do things on tumblr in general, unless we have a deliberate purpose for annoying readers with excessively long text posts) for the sake of people who actually do care about the fandom and its history. If that’s not you or your reason for being here, then keep on keeping on with your own thing, I guess. For those who are interested, there’s a lot of fandom resources some of us have been building for years that you might enjoy knowing about.

First off, I’ve been informed by a few friends who’ve read through this for coherency’s sake that it sort of reads like a *shakes cane from porch* fandom grandma complaint, but honestly... I earned this rocking chair and goshdangit imma rock now. So apologies for any “back in my day” vibes or faint aroma of tiger balm this post might give off. Then again, it’s loosely based on a similar post from 2012 so like... time is a flat circle anyway I guess.

1. There is no such thing as “tumblr famous,” unless you’re referring to the hilarious and delightful fic of the same name (please go read it, you will cackle). Posting Hot Takes for imaginary Clout™ on this site is kind of pointless in the long run. Sure you can post solely for the sake of stirring shit and getting notes, but the majority of the folks who do aren’t long term residents of the fandom. They’re just tourists moving through our little beach town for spring break. If you’re actually intent on moving to this corner of the fandom for an extended stay, please bother to really feel out the permanent residents and understand the culture and general mood of the neighborhood. It bears no resemblance to whatever’s going on across town where all the bars and beach parities are happening, and those loud, drunken revelers are, again, gonna disappear back to their regular lives or on to the next party eventually. That doesn’t mean the fandom is dying, it’s just evolving.

(funny how I had several comments implying that I’m just trying to keep the fandom from evolving with this post, because I sincerely do want the fandom to continue on for years to come, and that is impossible without evolution. We can evolve without self-immolating, though. mostly i included point 1 for an excuse to push ancient but hilarious fanfic on you.)

2. Once you post something here, it’s been unleashed to the fandom winds. You never know where it will end up, or who will comment on it or add to it. Remember that time Misha tweeted the link to the Epic Cockles Love Story post? No? It was wild. That was 2012. They all know we’re here, and how to find us if they want to. Please don’t take it to their doorsteps.

Obviously if someone is being a dick on your posts, please feel free to block them, but the whole entire point of this site is to engage people with your posts. Being big mad that someone reblogged your post with comments or supporting evidence, or happy headcanons or “HECK THIS IS GREAT BECAUSE (insert personal story about their experience or whatever else made them Feel Things about your post)” is frankly ridiculous. If your goal is to avoid any sort of engagement with your posts, then maybe try instagram instead. From what I understand, there is a SPN fandom presence there, and nobody can tarnish your original posts with unwanted commentary. But the ability to reblog with additional commentary is a FEATURE of tumblr that builds community through conversation. Otherwise we’re all just talking to ourselves in a vacuum, and that’s what actually kills fandoms.

(and for the folks who just want to blog how they want to blog and don’t want people to engage on their posts at all, please feel free to block anyone you want, as well... nobody wants to step on your toes, but most of us also don’t want to walk on eggshells wondering if this post is one of the “do not add comments for any reason” sorts of posts, either. This is a huge fandom and most people can’t even begin to keep track of every creator and their url du jour, and what their personal rules might be regarding interaction with their content. Including a “please don’t add comments” note at the bottom of your posts-- and not in your tags that won’t even show up on reblogs, but in the actual body of the post-- would sincerely help avoid any awkward or unwanted interactions, too. At the end of the day, you are in control of your own fandom experience and the block button exists.

For the record, I block zero fandom blogs (which is why I posted this, I wanted it to reach a wide scope... refer to the opening paragraphs as to why).

3. Since this post was partly inspired by a tag I left on that post going around about how “previous tags” mean fuckall on this site (which you can read here), just a reminder that if you like someone’s tags or feel they add value to the post, part of the Peer Review structure of tumblr encourages you to PASTE THEM INTO A REBLOG. If you do this, then at least credit the person who actually wrote the tags! Don’t just copy someone else’s tags into your tags on your reblog of the post without credit either. They were not YOUR tags. (I have had this happen to tag rambles I wrote and someone else got credited with them on a subsequent reblog and it is FRUSTRATING). Just... don’t even bother to write “previous tags” because WHAT PREVIOUS TAGS?! Nobody is gonna bother to chase back the chain of reblogs trying to find where the mystery tags came from, friendos. That way lies madness.

(for the record, since some folks seemed to focus on this point solely, writing “previous tags” on a post isn’t inherently a BAD thing, but for anyone who actually is here for more than one-off shitposting, then it’s sort of a pointless thing in the long run. This wasn’t intended to suggest people who ARE here for one-off shitposting are bad or “doing it wrong,” but for people who might actually want to preserve that hilarious joke or insightful comment. People delete posts and entire blogs all the time around here. Links break. I get that the upcoming generation just shrugs at that and moves on with their lives, but heck... you don’t have to accept that all entertainment is disposable if you don’t want to. There’s a bizarre sort of nihilism plaguing us all about the impermanence of pretty much everything that feels like something we should be fighting against rather than buying into wholesale, even in our escapist entertainment. I’m just exhausted by the complete loss of joy in community.

*shouts from the peanut gallery* IT AIN’T THAT DEEP, JUST GET SOME FRESH AIR AND LOOK AT A PUPPY OR SOMETHING

Yes... yes it isn’t really that deep, but bigger picture in the state of reality we’re all entirely disillusioned with, are we supposed to just give up on everything, including the things we cling to because they bring us a tiny spark of hope that we’re not all just trapped in this dystopian nightmare and things might actually be worth living for?

*peanut gallery clinging to burnt husks of peanuts in a barren peanut field* but this is how we have chosen to cope

Okay... you do you... I feel bad for you but if that’s the case then this post is NOT FOR YOU. AND THAT’S FINE. I honestly do not care if you don’t care! I mean, I’m sorry anyone has to live in a world that drives them to that mindset, but I understand. This post is for anyone who might look at their lives and their choices and think “no wait, I unironically enjoy this and want more from the experience of that enjoyment than I’m currently feeling.” Everyone else can continue with their lives as usual.)

4. CONTENT THEFT IS NEVER OKAY. PERIOD. Things like “credit to the artist” or tagging gifs or images you found on pinterest as “not mine” isn’t actually credit. If you can’t source an image or gif set, DO NOT POST IT! We don’t REPOST (i.e. save an image and then create a new post with it as if it was our own creation). We REBLOG (click the little square arrows and reblog from the actual creator). That goes for gif sets, fanvids, screencaps, meta, fic... everything.

(hopefully everyone here already understands this one, but I felt compelled to include some “these are stupidly obvious” reminders anyway, since this is ostensibly some sort of advice column. This is the equivalent of the warning label on your toaster reminding you not to use it in the bath. Like... duh...)

5. Close kin of item 4 is SOURCE YOUR SHIT. 

(for 100% disclosure purposes, I specifically discussed this one in this specific way because of an influx of anon ask messages I received in the wake of the finale. Literally the inciting incident for creating this entire post was what I can only assume was a joking ask about a comment Misha made at a con years ago. Someone actually bothered to take the time to type out those sentences to me. I have no idea what they were expecting in reply, or what could possibly motivate them to send this comment about something so entirely random from, again, several years ago. Just a joke? No idea, but whatever... it got me thinking that there might actually be people who are new to the fandom who MIGHT actually care about the fandom history, and maybe they just don’t know where to go for that info, or how to even begin searching through 16 years of history for things they might actually find enjoyment in, rather than just hauling random out of context garbage out on main and pointing and laughing about it now. People are actually allowed to care about things. It’s not cringeworthy to actually care about things, and you are not alone in actually caring, and there’s this whole big room over here full of people who are thrilled to share in that with you. This post is intended FOR THOSE PEOPLE SPECIFICALLY, so if that is not you, please just continue walking by.)

Yes, I know lots of y’all are new around here right now, but dredging up stuff from years ago that fandom has completely debunked and presenting it as TRU FAX again is just exhausting. We’re not trying to be party poopers, but seriously, we have seen it all and are mostly done with extinguishing bags of flaming dog poop on our front porches for the umpteenth year in a row. I’ve seen a lot of posts that have the same tone as “I saw Goody Proctor dancing with the devil” or “I heard kylo ren has an eight pack” and just... the information is there for anyone who cares enough to find it.

This goes double for “why is nobody talking about this thing I just discovered while watching the show for the first time?!” And, oh hon, we have talked it all into the ground over the last fifteen years. We’re happy you’re discovering it again, but I promise we talked about it plenty when the episodes originally aired. We have such a rich meta history that lots of us have worked really hard to preserve. I encourage you to seek it out, if nothing else than as historical artifacts. The way we have discussed the show has been a 16-year evolution. People have written literal doctoral dissertations on this show. Your shitposts are fun! We love reliving our own experience through fresh eyes, and seeing your wonder at experiencing it all again for the first time! But y’all didn’t invent this fandom in the last six months, either.

Meta Sources and Minerals provided by our friendly neighborhood fandom archivist, @lets-steal-an-archive

Academic books and articles about SPN 

A collection of Meta Essays going back to s1 and organized by topic (all of this has happened before, all of it will happen again)

SPN Heavy Meta Archive (s1-3)

Mel’s Dreamwidth archive of meta (s1-12)

Oranges8hands Dreamwidth archive of meta (s1-15, with many similar entries to Mel’s... though ymmv on viewpoint in a lot of these too)

Anyone remember Fandom Wank? Not the concept but the actual LJ... No? Okay have a link to SPN topics that ended up there. Through 2013. We have seen so much... including several fandom containment breaches.

for all your art sourcing needs, please see @theroadsofararchive, the repository for so much fandom art.

need to find a gif of something? canonspngifs is a vast repository of gifsets of the entire series. If the gif you want to use in your post happens to be the first gif in the gifset, in the tumblr gif finder thingy just paste the permalink to that post from canonspngifs (which is easily searchable by episode, character, location, situation, quotes, and sometimes even color and clothing items the actors are wearing... it’s really well organized, especially for tumblr >.>) and the first gif will be automatically linked with credit to the gif creator attached. It makes life easy that way. It’s also convenient when trying to remember something specific but can’t remember what episode it’s from. I’ve used the site to jog my memory before going to the superwiki armed with more specific search results to find episode quotes and references. Or sometimes I just scroll through all the nice gifs for fun, too.

Need a screencap of something and know exactly which episode it’s from? Try Home of the Nutty. You might not find the exact screencap you’re looking for, but they have a complete set of caps of every episode, and it’s an incredibly useful resource for quick reference checks and the like. Just give pages a chance to fully load before clicking on the next one. The site is easily overloaded, but it’s still free to use (and again, with credit... Pretty much every screencap on my entire blog is from HotN unless otherwise credited).

As you can see, this is a fandom built on preserving our history. You absolutely are not required to engage with any of this if that’s not of interest to you, but I can only assume that there are people who would be interested in it if only they knew it existed and how to find it. Well, now they do.

6. A few more notes on tags, and how they work on tumblr. The first 20 tags on your ORIGINAL posts are searchable sitewide, so if you want to be able to find something again, tag that thing first before going on general tag rambles. The only place tags on reblogs are searchable is on your own blog. So you don’t have to put 50 tags trying to get a post seen if it’s a reblog. You’re just spitting into the wind at that point. If you have a filing system for finding things again, then by all means add those tags (again, in the first 20, so they’re searchable), but you don’t need to tag a reblog “destiel” and “deancas” and “dean” and “cas” and “dean x cas” or whatever. Pick one for your personal blog’s filing system, that’s all you need.

(this was only added because tagging and searching on this site is so very broken... I get that a lot of folks don’t care about ever searching their own blogs again for anything, so this one only really applies if you do often find yourself trying to find old posts. If not, then it’s not really relevant.  It took me years to work out a decent tagging system, and at the beginning of my time here I never thought I’d end up camping out here for a decade and falling this deep into the fandom, and I regretted my lack of consistent tags only years later when I realized I actually wanted to be able to go back and find specific old posts again. So... for anyone who wants to err on the side of caution, working out a sensible tagging system really helps if you’re here for the long term. I personally tag content by episode, because some of my other general tags are so large as to be practically useless as a search term. But whatever system you choose to file stuff on your own blog, it really only has to make sense to you. And again, if this is pointless advice for someone who has no intention of settling here for the long term. Please feel free to ignore it. I just wish someone had explained it this way to me ten years ago and saved me the hassle of retroactively tagging something like 30k posts... especially now that using the mass tag replacer is the fastest way to get your entire blog deleted... oops? so yeah, don’t use the mass tag replacer either >.>)

7. Tags on Tumblr DO NOT WORK LIKE TAGS ON TWITTER. If you @ someone in the body of the post, it will show up in their notifications (if they’re the sort of person who even checks their notifications... not all of us do. For the record, I generally don’t...), but putting actor or ship names in the tags on a tumblr post does absolutely nothing. It’s not the same as tagging the actor’s twitter account in a tweet. Nobody’s getting notifications about you tagging a post about Jensen here as “Jensen Ackles.” There is a difference. Please learn it. (and don’t take headcanons and ESPECIALLY RPF or otherwise explicit art or fic from tumblr to twitter and tag the actors in it. That’s just... not okay.)

(I have seen the pearl clutchers getting all in a huff about the mere existence of RPF or even explicit content of fictional characters if it doesn’t meet their purity standards, but tagging those things allows people who don’t want to see it to actively avoid that content here. Nobody has a right to tell people their fictional content shouldn’t exist at all, or that creators of that fictional content somehow deserve harassment or threats for having dared to create such “immoral” content, won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children... and no... you do not do that here. Don’t be the problematic behavior you wish to ban from the world. Learn to use tags to protect yourself from, as i have attempted to emphasize here, fictional content you are personally upset by. That’s a you problem, not a problem for the creators of potentially upsetting content that they tag appropriately for.)

8. General formatting stuff: If you’re writing long text posts, visually break them up so people aren’t faced with one long wall of text. The enter key is your friend. Also, if you put long text posts under a Read More break and send people to your blog to finish reading, please ensure that your blog is actually visually accessible (tiny text, or light grey text on a dark grey background, or a visually busy background might be aesthetically pleasing to you but nobody can actually read it. Loads of folks won’t even try. Which is great if you don’t actually care whether people are able to appreciate your content or not, but something to at least consider if you *do* actively want to encourage engagement with your work. Confirm how your blog looks on both mobile and desktop and make sure it’s actually functional in both, too).

And since I mentioned that most of my experience on fandom tumblr has been in the SPN fandom, here’s a bit of a reminder for folks who are new around here. With the reminder that I have been here more than a decade and still feel like a newbie myself sometimes...

This is an OLD FANDOM. There are many, many people who have been at this longer than some of you have been alive. The average age for creators in this fandom is older than you think (I think of my friends in their 30′s as young’ins okay? okay). With that understood, you are responsible for the content you consume and are exposed to. Curate your experience. Ship and let ship. YKINMKATOK. Don’t deliberately expose yourself to content you find upsetting for whatever reason. Tags and warnings are your friends, not targets for you to attack in some sort of purity war. People will ship things you do not like (or in specific ways you do not like), will say things you do not agree with, and will find their happiness in things you abhor. That is not your concern. Find what you do like, and support and engage with it, and ignore (or block, or unfollow) the rest. Tumblr has a feature that lets you blacklist tags so the content you’re trying to avoid won’t appear on your dash.

Remember the paradox of tolerance.

It is not your job in fandom to police how other people enjoy the fandom. It’s not *my* job to police how *you* enjoy the fandom, UNLESS your enjoyment is in actively harming other real human beings in the fandom. If you don’t like their take on the character or the show or the plotlines or their ships or anything else, you don’t need to engage with their posts at all! The necessary corollary to this is that clarifying misunderstandings or correcting factual misinformation is not “policing.” 

(this is where the peanut gallery reminds me it ain’t that deep, and I plead with them to put down the social media and find just one (1) thing to actually believe in in this godforsaken life, find something other than disdain and cynicism and spite to live for. If those things motivate you to find a larger cause for yourself, then great, use them to your advantage, but use them to find something that makes you a better person or brings you a modicum of joy and connection to your fellow human beings despite living in a dystopian hellscape of a world)

I have seen a lot of posts lately that are founded on the sort of authority that comes with “I watched through tumblr for a few months and then watched the last three episodes of the series” and as such are just... missing the larger context of the entire show, and are unfounded entirely in canon. I 100% appreciate the new enthusiasm for the fandom that we’ve been living in here for years, and it’s wonderful to see new people enjoying the thing we love. Your headcanons are valid, you are valid, but recognize that your headcanons aren’t canon. All of us finale denialists have accepted this in some measure, so we feel you. We truly, truly feel you. But regarding actual canon, we have a resource for that: the Superwiki. Learn it, live it, love it, as Metatron would say.

(which you could discover he said in 10.17 Inside Man, thanks to the superwiki! accept no substitutes!)

(and again, there have been people who have been involved in fandom for years who haven’t engaged with canon in years, either! You can play in this universe however you choose, BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT CANON AT ALL, WHICH I AM AGAIN POINTEDLY SAYING MIGHT NOT BE YOU, READER, AND I’M NOT SUGGESTING YOU ARE WRONG FOR NOT WANTING TO ACTUALLY ENGAGE WITH CANON, but if you DO want to engage with canon, please have some useful resources. Why do people feel personally attacked by being presented a list of helpful resources? Absolutely baffling.)

(also: words have definitions. “Canon” is a specific thing, meaning in this case “the finished media product that aired on television.” Anything beyond those limits is secondary canon (think: john’s journal, which is not canon but canon adjacent at best...), word of god (i.e stuff said by the writers and showrunners), or headcanon (which includes actor commentary-- they may have helped create the show with their acting choices and whatever, but they are not in control of the story overall). If there’s something you dislike about actual canon, you can reject it and supplement it with your own theories or preferred outcomes-- that’s basically what fanfic is-- but that doesn’t make your theories canon (much to all our dismay, that’s just not how any of this works. This is not to invalidate how anyone engages with the show or the fandom, just trying to clarify what seems to have been a source of unintentional misunderstandings. Your theories do not have to be “canon” to be legitimate interpretations.)

***I am setting this section apart, and did make a separate post of just this following information, because this is where we go from being relatively chill about different parts of fandom choosing to interact in different ways and you do you and blog however you want, to “hey can everybody please understand that the way you are interacting with this specific material might be harmful for specific legal reasons, and stating that you do not care about the consequences of your actions does actively make you the asshole here...” Okay, now that we have that understood:

The spnscripthunt collective has been steadily acquiring new scripts (which are posted in full on the superwiki for everyone to enjoy, for free). The language around how some folks are talking about these scripts is... concerning. For very real legal reasons, actually, and not because we’re feeling precious about the collection and don’t wike it when meanies use them in shitposts.

-First off, these scripts are not “leaks.” They are all verified and legally purchased (or gifted, in some cases, but still acquired entirely above board. we didn’t whack anyone over the head in a back alley for these scripts, or swipe them out of someone’s trailer on set).

(in case anyone was unaware, these scripts are the copywritten protected property of Warner Brothers. So yes, how we use them and share them with the fandom could have legal repercussions. We present them as a collected resource of fandom history which SHOULD fall under Fair Use doctrine, but this is untested legal water. Insinuating that the scripts are somehow not entirely legally obtained, or that posting them for public access involved less than 100% transparent and entirely legal transactions is incredibly concerning.

Once again for the peanut gallery, if you don’t care about any of that and are just having a good time with it, at least be mindful of the work and expense a large group of people have gone through to acquire and present the content you’re all too eager to exploit for cheap thrills. Some of us do actually care and are not exactly comfortable with the fact that others don’t seem to care about burning it all to the ground. We can’t force you to listen or behave as we’d hope you might, but at least be aware of the potential consequences of your actions. All we’re asking is for you to not be the douchebag who sets the whole neighborhood on fire with your illegal fireworks display. Is that too much to ask for? more on that in a second, first... a psa)

-If you see a script for sale and are unsure if it’s legit (or believe it might already be freely available in our collection), please feel free to ask us for advice. Our goal is to make as much of our fandom history available to the entire fandom, and we absolutely do not want anyone shelling out money for stuff you can already find for free.

(seriously, we’ve seen a bunch of resellers cropping up selling printed versions of the scripts we bought and uploaded for everyone to enjoy free of charge, or scripts that are otherwise of dubious origin. We’ve been at this for years now and know what’s actually out there. We don’t want anyone to fall for a scam if we can help it)

-Also, the usual reminder that the scripts we acquire ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE FINAL SHOOTING DRAFTS. In fact, the majority of scripts in our collection are NOT. Changes are made daily to scripts, even during filming. Comparing a Production Draft (white pages, effectively the first “final draft” of what usually becomes a series of drafts before filming wraps) to a much later revision (say... green or goldenrod revisions, several of which we DO have in our collection for comparison) and how those earlier drafts often differ wildly from the aired version versus how similar a much later green draft is to the aired version, for example, can teach you a lot about the television writing process. The link above to the superwiki scripts page has a nice little explainer about how this process works.

Differences between our posted scripts (many of which are white drafts, aka FIRST complete drafts, which will likely go through multiple rounds of revisions before filming even begins) and the aired version of the show are not all “acting choices” or a director or editor just cutting whole scenes on a whim. It’s insulting to everyone involved in production to suggest that’s the case.

(and yeah, fine... whatever, make any sort of posts you like regarding how those changes came about, but at the very least understand that it’s not actually the truth about how any of this works. Don’t care that that’s not the truth and want to make the posts anyway because shitposting is fun and that’s the extent of your sense of humor? FINE! You’re entitled to do that! But at least you DO know the truth now, and hopefully so do the people who engage with your posts. Deliberate ignorance isn’t cute, smooth lions notwithstanding)

There’s probably a whole other post to be made on fandom tagging etiquette, but again I don’t really use the tags enough to know what’s going on with that whole situation. I’ve also probably left a lot of stuff out, so please feel free to add things I’ve overlooked.

Thanks also to @trisscar368 and @thayerkerbasy for help compiling this, too. They were kind enough to escort me through the park to feed these pigeons. Now I need to take them out for ice cream. :’D

So I guess welcome to the neighborhood. Make yourself at home, but like... try not to trash the place while you’re here. Some of us live here by choice, lol.

[dammarchy211]

I think your Homestuck stuff is really neat, especially the Hauntswitch posts. I would love to know more about Jude's friends if you don't mind sharing :D

Oh yeah of course!! I’ve been waiting so long for someone to ask me about them tbh LMAO

OKAY SO idk how to really format this in a concise manner so I’m just gonna ramble about them

So right off the bat, their names are

Rome Foster (white hair, orange sign)

Rita Valentino (black hair, glasses, yellow sign)

Noah Sanvick (white hair, glasses, red sign)

Aaand Mike Morris (black hair, blue sign) !

They don’t have official god tiers right now, as I just kinda wanna write them with god tiers in mind, and see where that takes their characterization in the end but the ideas for them are Rome is a thief of probably hope, Rita is either a sylph of time, a maid of void, or a sylph of void (leaning towards time bc time player lol), Noah is a prince of space, and Mike is an heir of mind. They’re all pretty snarky with each other, especially Rome and kinda Noah but with the exception of Rita as she kinda feels a bit outcasted from the group anyway. Throughout hauntswitch I feel like they would get into a loooot of arguments, including Jude. Just conflict of ideals tho stuff y’know. They each have their own “gimmick” type thing though! Based around Jude’s interest in aliens and cryptids n such. Noah’s whole thing is local missing and homicide files in and around hauntswitch as I’m sure the town probably has some deep and wild history like that, as well as any other true crime and mystery type stuff. Which is funny because of how easily freaked out he is, especially with fictional stuff like horror movies. Mike’s is ghost hunting, but the more technical kind. Think like those real life ghost hunting shows type stuff. He’s also the group skeptic and is big on ttrpgs and is in the robotics club with Jude. Rita’s is also ghosts! But less hunting and more of the séance Ouija board kind of ghost stuff. She the muppets/Jim Henson fan ever, and is kinda miffed by all of the creepy or gross stuff the others like. She’s also a fan of storybooks and folk tales. Rome doesn’t consider himself “as much of a nerd” as the others, despite definitely being a nerd. He tries to be a cool guy but kind of just ends up bullying his friends lmao—. He loves horror movies and urban exploration, and is more than happy to go poking around some abandoned place in the name of ghost or cryptid hunting. He definitely definitely still believes in aliens n ghosts n such though.

They’re also all in the middle school band! Except Rome bc he got kicked out for getting in trouble too much. Jude plays the trombone, Mike the clarinet, Noah the trumpet, Rome was in percussion before he was kicked out, and for Rita I haven’t really decided what yet but some contenders are oboe, violin/viola if it’s one of those bands that have a string section, or saxophone. They have a d&d session going right now, it’s 2e bc that’s what would be the most recent edition for the time period iirc! Jude is the dm, Mike is the magic user, Rita is the cleric, Rome is the thief, and Noah is the fighter. All themed around their god tier ideas lol. They also have code names, though the only 3 I really like are Jude’s, Rome’s, and Rita’s

Jude’s is Jay-Bird, which was a nickname given by Rome that much to Jude’s dismay became his codename (Jude is the object of ridicule a lot sorry</3) Rome’s is Foxtrot, which is the NATO phonetic alphabet for F, since his last name is Foster, and Rita’s is RVal which is just a throwback to RoLal from homestuck proper. The what I’ll call placeholder code names for Noah and Mike are John Doe and Winchester respectively, I’ll assume u get the John Doe one but Winchester is specifically referring to the haunted Winchester house lol. They just always felt too long to me, and like the code names themselves would need nicknames, which defeats the point of code names lmaoo.

I’m starting the run out of things I wanted to say about them but please feel free to ask more questions! I’ll definitely probably have an answer to whatever u ask lol. I do wanna just throw in that Rome chronically gives people nicknames, and will usually call Jude ‘juice’ or Noah ‘sandwich’ referring to Noah’s last name lol (or Sanddick if he’s feeling exceptionally mean). They all also have very polarizing opinions of Christmas movie Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas and if u know the movie you can probably just guess what Rita thinks of it lmaoo.

[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he���s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[itsclydebitches]

I adore talking about this with you, it's so cool to be able to agree, everything I've read is just excusing yen lmao.

And with "geralt would rather do and say things Yen wants to avoid pissing her off" LIKE YEAHH I guess I annoyed yen with my answers and she teleported Geralt out of the tower thing, and then threatened to do it again like??? Like he pissed her off so she has fuck all care about him, was over water thank god but like girl??? omg and her refusing to tell the wticher bros what she was planning on doing to Uma, like I get that they would be hesistent but I mean it's cause it's cruel and painful and they have that trauma around that. She just expects everyone to do what she asks when she asks no questions. (Lambert's "I'm not geralt" when he and Yen are kinda arguring, bb red flags)

I just assumed she didn't believe him cause if she did whats her excuse for behaving how she is lmao??? Like you believe he has amnesia and you still blame HIM over the person who maniplated him KAY.

And goodddd that fucking scene when Triss and Yen see Ciri in Kaer Morhen is genuinely the worst, Triss and Yen see their sis/daughter (not gonna get into how weird I find it that Triss considers Ciri her sister and Geralt is Ciris father and she still wants to fuck him, uncomfy) for the first time in forever, she's alive and well and while Triss is hugging Ciri, Yen kisses Geralt and Triss throws a glare at her. I hated that scene so damn much, it's stupid and shouldn't have been there. (aso I get emotions and all but Yen kissing Geralt is so bitchy, idk even full of gratitude and emotion I wouldn't kiss the man who just dumped me lol, especially not in front of a situation like Triss)

I'm still mad about the women, I really wanted to like them fuck meeee

YOU GOT TO THE PART. Oh thank god, anon, I've wanted to talk about this since we started these conversations lol

Okay, let's set the scene, shall we? You arrive to find that, with our playthroughs anyway, your ex has barged into your home. I say "barged in" because although we (Geralt) know that Yen's help is necessary and she'll be tagging along, the other witchers living there are given no prior warning and, according to Vesemir, Yen teleported in without so much as a "Hello." She then immediately starts ordering everyone around like her servants, failing to explain the situation beyond there being a curse that they have to help with. No, this isn't negotiable. She (still being an ex) takes your old room for herself, which just happens to be the biggest in the keep, and proceeds to toss a bed out the window. It's only later that Vesemir recalls that Triss used to use it, so prior to that everyone apparently just accepted that Yen was destroying their stuff for no understandable reason. Classic Yen. You go upstairs to find her cursing a blue streak at her failed experiment and when you try to lighten the mood, she snaps at you. If you're of the opinion that Yen's every order must be obeyed, this is when you're supposed to drop the conversation entirely, because she said to. Except, funnily enough, you'd like to know why she's up here being The Worst Guest Ever and destroying your property. She tries to justify this by saying that destroying a bed is better than how she could be dealing with her anger over Triss. Be grateful and all that. Except, it's not really about Triss, is it? The line is "You shagged my friend. For upwards of a year. I don't know what your witcher's code says on the matter, but ordinary folk would consider it obscene, base, vile." The blame is not on the woman who knowingly manipulated Geralt into having sex with her while he was vulnerable, it's on Geralt himself! He is the "obscene, base, vile" person for... daring to have amnesia? And when you point that out - "Yen... told you already. I lost my memory" - she yells that she's "lost [her] patience" and teleports you into a lake! This is, apparently, how she really wants to deal with her anger. Not by destroying beds, but by attacking you for things outside of your control. And I do consider it an attack. Yen is meant to be insanely powerful, she is leveraging her magic as a weapon here, particularly when Geralt has spent the whole game commenting on how much he hates portals. Yen knows this. Not just because he says so in her presence, but because she frequently reads his mind, something else he's expressed discomfort with. She's not just demonstrating her power (controlling) and sending him away when he makes a point she doesn't want to acknowledge (immature), she chooses the one thing she knows makes Geralt uncomfortable, perhaps even scared. Then when you've swum your way back to shore and returned to, despite all this, begin her list of chores, she makes a dry comment about how next time she just might drop you high enough for the fall to be fatal. With the next time implied to be, you know, the next time you disagree with her. The next time you dare to do anything other than agree with her every belief and jump at her every command.

The fandom interpretation of all this: "Lol Geralt getting yeeted is so funny. And their banter is just 😍"

Me:

You mentioned red flags and yeah like that ENTIRE SCENE is a crimson banner for me. I mean, by all means, love the fictional ships that are super messed up (I often do), but it astounds me how many fans honestly think this is just a cute interaction with absolutely no problems attached. Nothing to question here, folks. I've mentioned before, but last I discussed this in depth the asker wanted to know if I'd been an asshole to Yen and... that's it. That's the perspective. Any disagreement with her, any pushback, anything that's not complete, blind obedience is something she will not permit AND something most fans take as a given. If you're not doing what Yen tells you to, you're automatically the asshole, and if you're the asshole, you automatically deserve any punishment she chooses to dish out.

Comic spoilers coming up if you want to skip, but this is made abundantly clear in "Curse of Crows." Yen and Geralt are at their best in the moment below, enjoying one another's company on a nice day. Yen asks if Geralt wants to swim and he says nah, he'd rather watch her. She appears to like that idea and, indeed, swims naked while Geralt admires from the shore.

Actually cute right? I really liked this moment! They're cuddled up together and exchanging smiles. It's a rare moment of peace where I can believe that they truly care for one another, outside of passionate sex and not wanting the other dead. Finally, something beyond that incredibly low bar.

...except Yen starts flirting with a young man who shows up, invites him to travel with them, all while refusing to explain why she's interested in his company. The sudden third wheel is clearly bothering Geralt, but Yen continues to ignore his questioning. The answer she finally gives later that night?

She did it purely to mess with Geralt! It's his "just desserts" for "refusing to swim with [her]." She is "not one to be refused - I thought you needed reminding" by giving him "a flick on the nose." When I say that Yen treats Geralt like a dog I mean she literally treats him like a dog. He's a servant who must jump at her every command and if he doesn't, he'll punished for disobedience. He might not even know why he's being punished for a long stretch because Yen enjoys making him think she's a normal person capable of accepting that he doesn't feel like swimming right now - insert the Kaer Morhen scene where she wants to go have sex upstairs, but Geralt wants to catch up with the brothers he hasn't seen in an age here - only to reveal that actually she's made their formerly nice outing uncomfortable because he needs to be put in his place. All of which is followed by, "So... willing to join me now?" The message is very clear! Geralt had better get his ass in that tub unless he wants to be punished some more. Whether he wants a bath right now or not is inconsequential.

This is also the run where she scares the women Geralt was with, despite them being separated right now. Why? "I could."

Claims that Geralt is allowed to return to his companions (who he actually waves away) only for him to realize she's cast a spell to burn him with the water. Yen loves pretending she's okay with things only to punish Geralt for them later - sometimes with physical punishments. And what would have happened if the women had actually joined him again? Do witchers weather hot water better than the average courtesan? Who knows, but Yen clearly doesn't care who might get hurt.

Just like her time in Skellige and at Kaer Morhen, she refuses to explain what's going on. She just expects people to obey her, so-called loved ones included. Geralt was to get her cider, and arrive before her bath went cold, not question what they're doing on this dangerous hunt. He's a servant.

And my favorite, petty moment: transforming her awful inn food into a lavish meal without offering to do the same for either Geralt or Ciri.

"But, Clyde, that's just the comics. They're not really canon." Nah, questions of canon aside, this is 100% Yen's characterization. She's prideful. Immature. Beyond controlling. And punishes anyone who dares to tell her "No." Fans are always pointing out that she's meant to be horrible, she could have been a villain in another life, like any of that explains why I'm supposed to root for this relationship or enjoy her existence outside of being a complex character. Yen is interesting, but she's interesting in a "I can't wait to see her get her own just desserts" way. Not "Wooo now I get to watch this story ignore her behavior again to push a True Love narrative."

She punished Geralt frequently during their first meeting, she punishes him whenever they get together, and, I think, she punished him during the reunion with Ciri. Given our playthroughs, do we really think that after breaking up with her and all this fury over Triss - an anger so deep she destroyed the bed and attacked Geralt - she's just overcome with such joy that she forgets they're not together anymore and forgets the anger she's been nurturing for years? Yen doesn't forget. She's staring at Ciri during that moment, right where Triss is currently running towards them, and then after a considering look at Geralt pulls him in for that kiss. That was calculated. She did that to make a claim she no longer had. To punish them both: make Triss uncomfortable by playing at the "perfect" family reunion; make Geralt uncomfortable by kissing him when she knows he doesn't feel the same way. But of course, the popular reading is that she just loves him so much she couldn't help herself. Riiight.

It's just all SO BAD. (Including, as you say, the ickiness of having Triss lusting after Geralt and referring to Ciri as "little sis.") I love a lot of the women in Witcher - Cerys is a fave, Ciri, Saskia, Philippa, Keira, etc. - but the two I'm supposedly meant to fall in love with are just the worst lol.

Basically:

Half the fandom: TEAM TRISS 🤬

The other half: TEAM YEN🤬

Me: TEAM REGIS 😭

[doubleshotofsomething]

Needy

[ This is my submission for @sourpatchkidsandacokecan​ ‘s Little Darlin’ Mystery AU challenge. It is a three part soulmate au, inspired by the song Needy by Ariana Grande.]

What happens when you meet the one you had been looking for your entire life, only to find you’re not what they were hoping for?

Summary: You try to move on. You really do. But life just won’t let you.

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Thor x Reader, Sam x Reader[Purely platonic]

Prompt: soulmate au. song prompt

Warnings: mentions of smut (nothing really major, unless you use a microscope), tiny mentions of abuse(microscopic), panic attack mentions, fluff maybe? for like a second?, angst(i think im getting good at that but probably not), Bucky is an idiot, everyone is an idiot here folks. Proceed with caution.

--

Prologue 

--

Part One: [I admit I’m a little messed up]

“—dizzy yet?” You looked up at Sam, his soft eyes assessing you. “Nauseous?”

You shook your head, lowering your eyes back to the drip attached to your left arm. He was the only one in the room with you. He was always the only in the room with you, willing to wait until you were well enough to leave. Willing to keep you company.

A part of you was thankful, the thought of being alone in the Bruce’s Lab was daunting. Not even the scientist himself was willing to be there throughout the entire process, unless it was absolutely necessary. Or maybe the thought of being alone with you was what kept him from staying every time.

You frowned at the thought, the likeliness of it was unsettling. You didn’t even see Steve as much, anymore.

“You know what would be funny—” Sam grinned, still leaning against the door as he had been for the past hour. “—if he died halfway through the transfusion.”

That would be funny. And you would have genuinely laughed, loud and unapologetic, if swallowing your own spit didn’t still seem like a challenge whenever your soulmate was around, if breathing didn’t seem so impossible. If you heart didn’t have that overwhelming ache that won’t seem to go away anymore.

You would have laughed, honestly, but nothing seemed funnier that your predicament anymore.

“Don’t give him any ideas,” you offer him a genuine smile, “he’d do that just to have the upper hand.”

Just to spite me, you thought bitterly.

Sam chuckled, shoving hands into his jean pockets as he wandered further into the room. He hated the situation just as much as you did, you knew that because he voiced it every time he had to pick you up. But he couldn’t do anything except offer his presence, keep you company until Bruce was done getting whatever he needed from you.

This time, just like the past last two times, he needed your blood.

As it turns out, your soulmate decided to be hero, as if he wasn’t already one, and used his body as a shield to protect his wife from sniper shot. He could have moved her out of the way, if he’s fast enough to get in the way then he’s fast enough to get her out of the way. But he’s an asshole.

He’s an asshole that could have just let her get shot at – she was wearing a bulletproof vest anywhere – but he didn’t, because he probably gets paid to make your life a living hell.

The previous time you had a tube attached to you, he had pushed Tony out of the way and ended up with a poisoned dart attached to his neck. Tony was in his iron man suit, so the dart would have just bounced off. But your mate is an asshole that got himself poisoned, so you had to be pulled out of your best friend’s wedding for a blood transfusion that ended up poisoning you.

Bruce claimed that the poison shouldn’t have been able to enter your bloodstream, that the antibodies in your system were strong enough to fight and render it harmless, that the injection he had given prior was supposed to make it impossible for the toxin to survive. You and Sam called bullshit, hydra base poison was hydra base poison and nothing to keep it from not being toxic, but that didn’t prevent you from being hospitalised for two weeks.

Because your soulmate is an asshole.

“They haven’t come back for more blood—” you frowned as you tried to look passed the lab doors, finding no movement outside of the glass. “—do you think he’s awake?”

Sam frowned at that, turning to face you fully.

You couldn’t feel him anymore, you haven’t been able to since the vows, and you hated yourself for finding some sort of comfort in that. In the fact that he, too, couldn’t feel you anymore.

Sam knew that. One look at the bruising around your neck and he knew that the ties that bind had been damaged for good. Which is why he hated this, more than he could ever put into words. He hated that they all ignored the signs, that they put you in danger, and still made you save his life every time.

“I hope so,” he said, his brown eyes gentle as they continued to watch you. “Because, honestly, you’re starting to look anaemic.”

At that, you grinned at him. “I was wondering why the room was starting to move.”

“Y/N—”

“It’s a joke, Wilson.” You chuckled, shaking your head as you finally removed the drip from your arm, having done so enough times to know what you need to do. “I think that’s enough blood for now, anyway.”

It wasn’t a joke. The room had been moving since you stepped into the Tower, but they needed blood and the thought of declining didn’t sit well with you. It continued to move as you made your way to the lab, your feet taking you there on instinct, as if going to the lab was as routine as going to bed. Even now, as your heart rate had finally calm down and Sam’s presence had eased your anxious stomach, it still moved at the thought of the idiot you’d let get under skin.

Assholes and idiots were truly your Achilles’ heel.

 He was awake.

You found out an hour later, after Bruce had cleared you and Sam had successfully convinced you to stay the night. You were too dizzy to be trusted on your own, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to force Sam to take you back home. So, you gave in.

He was still recovering, too weak to leave his bed. A part of you silently hoped he remained that way for the rest of the night, while a part of Sam vocally hoped he didn’t make it through the night.

Everyone else laughed and took that as a joke.

You laughed because you knew it wasn’t.

Sam stayed in the living room with everyone else, while you chose to go to your designated room for the night. You had accepted a little while back that this - whatever friendship you were trying to form with the group - would never work. It would never - could never, be genuine.

You wanted a soulmate, your soulmate, and they wanted a peaceful living environment. Resentment made for a terrible working environment and your presence brought about a truck load of it. So, naturally, they couldn't side with you even if they wanted to.

You hadn't noticed at first, the shift in the room whenever you were around. You just assumed it was the result of your nerves, or their unfamiliarity with you. So, you tried to ease the tension, to make it bearable for everyone involved. They had dealt with people trying to dismantle them, turn them against each other, and you just needed them to understand that that wasn't who you were.

Then, as the trips to the lab became more frequent, and Sam remained the only constant, you realised what the problem really was - you.

It didn't matter how good of a person you thought you were. Or needed them to know you were. Bucky would marry Wanda, and they would do nothing to help you stop that.

Bruce entertained your small talk because he was just nice, not because he was your friend.

Steve remained by your side only when necessary, only after your fights with Bucky, as if to ensure that you wouldn't lash out. As if you were that kind of person.

Natasha and Clint, in the brief moments that you had shared with them, were polite but always quick to leave the room. According to Sam, your entire situation was scary to them.

Tony only ever greeted in, only ever in passing. You were almost certain that you had talked more with Jarvis, than you had with him.

Sam was the only one that actually bothered with you, which was a problem for the team. Bucky didn't trust him to have his back anymore - not when he would side with you at any chance he got - and that made it impossible to send them both into field together.  You tried to avoid him, he was an Avenger before he was your anything, figuring that you were doing the both of you a favour.

Rather drift apart than lose his friendship in the worst way, you figured.

But he was persistent. And patient. And had terribly good taste in music, and a great humour. And you were lonely and weak, and in desperate need of a friend.

So, you stopped ignoring his call as much as before. Stopped ignoring him every time he showed up at your place. You stopped denying yourself his consistency and started accepting that he wasn't terrible company for someone who hated labs.

You knew where you stood with everyone, at least you no longer had to force things.

 --

 "You're not even gonna say bye?"

Blue eyes stared back at you, trapping you in his gaze as your hand remained frozen over the car door handle.

He shouldn't be awake. You were quiet. You had woken up an hour earlier than usual to avoid bumping into any one of them, but clearly you weren't quiet enough for the super soldier to not hear you.

Bucky shrugs, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. "Figured you'd stay for breakfast, at least."

He says that so casually, so naturally, as if this was okay. As if what you two had - could have had, should have had - didn't fall apart at his hands. As if the marks on your neck would disappear within a couple of weeks, as if this was normal.

"I have things to do." Is your quiet response, neutral, as if your heart isn't beating painfully against your chest.

He frowns, taking a step forward, a step that has your eyes widening slightly at his movement.

"It's four a.m.," he states, eyebrows furrowing and face churning with a hint of disappointment. Disappointment with you, always you. "Calm down, doll, I can feel your heartbeat from here."

It's your turn to frown. He shouldn't be able to feel you, not anymore. Not after he chose her.

He seems to think that too, because he shrugs and lets out a sigh. "It's kinda hard to stay on bed rest when your anxiety is stronger than that coffee you drink."

You don't respond. You never do lately, and he understands that, knows that it's his fault. But you had moved to a different place, gotten a new number, changed workplaces, and he had to find all that out the hard way. With changed locks that his key no longer unlocks, sympathetic looks from the receptionist when she tells him that you quit over a month ago, and a different voice in the voicemails everytime he calls your old number. Despite both of your histories, you were still bonded to each other and you could at least talk to him.

You hate that he's doing this, to you, again. That he pushes you away, tells you he loves another woman, but still wants you to dance to the tune he's playing. You hate yourself even more for being too weak for this, too much for him.

His hair was still tousled and messy, his shirt wrinkled, and you hated seeing this part of him. Because this is the part that she gets, the part that should have been yours. The part of him that isn't fights and holes in walls and panic attacks in the middle of a shower.

This is the part that didn't have demons and freightcar and rusted and shattered glass every time you opened your mouth. This is the part that you don't get to have, because he could never give it to you, because Hydra was good, so damn good at making Winter Soldiers that the Soldat could never really leave Bucky.

Not while you're still alive.

"Breakfast?" he asks, after a moment of watching you. "Steve and I could drive you to work afterwards, I'm sure you still have some of your formal clothes here."

You shake your head at him, not able to find the words. Because this isn't how you pictured your relationship with your mate would be.

But this was the card you were dealt.

"Lunch?"

You frown.

"Come on, doll--" he runs his fingers - flesh, because metal is only ever reserved for you - through his hair, "--I'm trying to make up for everything."

"I have to go." You insist and get into your car before he can drag the conversation out, talk you into staying, into giving him parts of yourself he could never give back.

You leave and he lets you, for once. His chest heavy with the weight of your emotions, an ache for something he could never understand.

He couldn't be what you wanted, as much as he wishes he could. But he still wanted you to be happy. He'd give anything for you to be happy - almost anything.

Weren't you tired of being lonely?

 --

 You should have known who he was.

Who else could still stand after being hit by a car, at the speed you were driving?

But your vision was bleary, your stomach was cramping, and you weren't sure if your periods were early or if you were about to have another episode.

You should have known who he was. Who else could have been his height, had his strength and still asked if you were okay?

You don't usually cry when you first meet someone. But you cried when you met him.

You had rushed out of your car as soon as your actions registered in your head, practically stumbled your way to him, and wheezed as you fell on your knees in front of him.

"Are you alright?' His voice is deep, way too deep, as deep as the pit in your stomach it seemed.

You continued to wheeze, eyes wide with trepidation, struggling to find the strength to repeat his words to him.

You were having a panic attack; you were sure of it. You had left Bucky on an uncomfortable note and spent the entire day driving around in circles, avoiding your apartment. Scared that he had put a tracker, that he was following, that he would be waiting for you inside, vaguely aware that that line of thought wouldn't do you any good. Especially on your day off.

"Dead!" Is the first word that comes out of your mouth as your eyes frantically scan over him. "So dead! Oh, my, god--"

"Uh--"

"Gonna be attached to a tube in a prison cell--" your crawled closer to him, frantically feeling at him in search of any broken bones. "--I can't do prison. I couldn't-- I can't-- I'm not--oh, my, god!"

You couldn't calm down, not even as he assured you that he was fine, that he had survived far worse than a little bump.

Your car was dented where it had hit him, but he still got up without any difficulty. He helped you up as you gaped at him, still in shock and still rambling about things that neither of you understood.

He parked your car for you, took out your grocery bags - you didn't need to buy any of the things in them, but you were stalling so you bought whatever you thought you needed - and carried your things up the staircase with you.

You were still shaking and rambling and terrified. He took your keys and unlocked your door for you, letting you go in first.

You should have been terrified of him, he was a complete stranger and he could overpower you. He could do with you as he pleased.

But he told you a story about his brother pretending to be a snake when they were kids, and how his best friend would be proud to know that she wasn't the only one that could knock him off his feet.

Then he told you about his pet rabbit while extending his hand mid-air, caught an umbrella that flew in through the door and smiled at you.

Blue eyes crinkled at the corners as he watched you watch him, waiting.

You should have known who he was. What other human looked like him?

"Holy shit--" You cry again, harder than before, than earlier, because you hit an Avenger with your car and now, they knew where you lived.

Thor's smile disappeared slowly, then all at once. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched you back away from, his chest tightened when you started rambling about nearly killing him, and he was holding you before he even realised he had crossed the room.

He had been on Earth long enough to know that midgardian women had a habit of crying out of nowhere or for the oddest of reasons. They cried when they were happy, and sad, and angry, and holding them seemed to work every time.

So, he held you as you cried in the middle of your doorway, with the door wide open. He held you as you wheezed so hard, you passed out. Then he set you gently on your couch and waited for you to wake, to make sure you were alright.

 You woke up to a dry throat, swollen eyes, a headache and the god of Thunder hovering over you, staring.

His smiles as you groan, eyes lighting up as you attempt to sit on your couch.

You used to have a couch big enough to fit two, comfortable enough for two to cuddle, because you were preparing for two. You sold that couch when you moved, you sold everything when you moved, and replaced it with furniture for one - and the annoyingly comfortable armchair for Sam, because why not.

You narrow your eyes at Thor, which entices his smile to widen as he leans back and sits upright on your coffee table.

"I made you something to eat." He's grinning proudly, and the cynic in you is almost certain that whatever it is, it's probably poisoned.

He made you cereal. He must have made it a while ago as well because it's swollen and soggy from the milk it absorbed, and it looks like it had been left out in the open the entire time. It probably has been.

You look between him and the bowl, then narrow your eyes at him further.

"Did you eat that?" You ask, your voice sounding croaky and disgusting to your ears.

He shakes his head, frowning at the bowl. "The milk smelled curiously funny. Is it flavoured?"

"It's rotten." You forgot to get milk while you were shopping, you also forgot to throw away the carton that was in the fridge.

"Thought as much." He hums, setting the bowl back on the floor. "Midgard does have peculiar things, so I just assumed this was another one of it."

You blink at him, his eyes startlingly warm, too warm for him to be an Avenger.

"Midgard is what we call Earth," he continues, taking your silence for confusion. "We, as in Asgardians."

You know. You had been to the Tower enough times to know.

He watches you, sky blue scanning over your frame, and you suppress the urge to shudder. You're hugging the thin blanket that had been thrown over you, assumingly by him, feet still stretched out on the couch as you subconsciously attempt to sink further into it.

His eyes fall at the cotton on your arm, an expression that you can't quite read cross his face.

He must have been so used to people welcoming him with open arms, that he didn't think this situation was odd.

"You know--" he scratches at his stubble, eyes still glued to your arm, "--the last time I got hit by a car, I ended up in a hospital and woke up to eat pop tarts."

You blame the headache. You're hearing things and seeing Avengers in your apartment because of the headache. Plus, you were low on blood at the moment, so it must be that as well.

"Are you--" you pause to swallow, suddenly aware of how achingly dry your throat is. He seems to notice and is handing you a bottle of water before you can finish.

You frown, sure that he poisoned it as well, but still drink the water because there are worse ways to go -- and you survived poisoned once, maybe you could again. Best two out of two.

You let out a relieved sigh, the water cool as it trickles down your chin and soothes your throat. You're about to use the back of your hand to wipe at the water, but his hand presses a napkin to you before you can even lift it.

"I'm not sick," you tell him, and he shushes you as he continues dabbing at your chin. "I can do that myself."

"I witnessed you drop your key three times in a row before I intervened, so I seriously doubt it."

 He stayed until he was certain that you would be alright on your own.

He stayed until you were half-asleep on the couch and practically kicked him out.

Then he stayed the night when he had accidently walked in while you were in the middle of another panic attack.

He stayed until you started meeting each other during your lunchbreaks, at a cafe a few blocks from your work.

He stayed, with your hand in his hair and on his cheek, with his lips on yours and his arms around you.

He stayed, with his body on yours, connected in ways only lovers know. With his heat surrounding you, between you, within you. Chest to chest, lips to lips, he stayed.

He stayed, in your home, and then you woke up one morning to find him everywhere all at once. The toothbrush next to yours, shirts mixed up with his, beer next to the juice. He was in the warmth waiting for you on the couch and in your bed everyday - you, no longer shocked but expecting to find it every time.

He stayed, filling in the gaps, fixing the showerhead and the creak of your door and that window that wouldn't budge.

He stayed until you couldn't remember why you had cereal for dinner, while you waited for the food you ordered.

He stayed until he answered the door, and Bucky stood on the other side of it.

He stayed, until he didn't.

You should have known who he was. Who else could build you up and break you back down like an Avenger?

-----------

A/N: I stared at the word prologue so long, i dont think im spelling it right

[aridara]

So Siryouarebeingmocked, being the patethic and toxic imbecile he is, decided to complain about how people are treating the Capitol coupers differently than BLM protesters. Like, no shit, Sherlock, that’s because they ARE different. SYABM just pretends that BLM is somehow worse, because he has literally never denounced a white supremacist in his entire existence on Tumblr.

For example, he claims that, during this summer, cops were ordered to look the other way when it came to BLM protests. This is a complete and utter lie.

He also claims that Trump was accused of “being a fascist sending out government troops” just because he sent federal cops to protect federal buildings. Again, this is false. Trump sent troop to kidnap people off the streets and take them elsewhere for interrogation, on unlabeled vehicles, without showing or telling the arrested where they were going, and most importantly without any charge. Basically, they went in Portland, arrested any black person that happened to be there for no fucking reason, then dragged them away into some federal building to detain them. Of course, SYABM doesnt’t tell you any of that, because SYABM is a fascist sympathizer.

Someone called @lercymoth decided to dispel his bullshit. Here’s the post; I can’t reblog it, because SYABM blocked me after I pointed out that he was making cops look really incompetent.

SYABM responded. And his response was, obviously, shit. So here I am, trying to deal with his bullshit.

Before we start, a few rules. First: if SYABM misinterpreted or missed Lercymoth’s point, I will instantly dismiss SYABM’s argument without even reading the rest of it. The reason why is simple: countering your opponent’s argument requires you to counter what your opponent ACTUALLY said. If you don’t do that, then you aren’t actually countering your opponent’s argument, which means that you don’t have any actual objection to your opponent’s argument. Now, we could give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they just made a honest mistake... but SYABM doesn’t deserve any mercy whatsoever. So, if he fails to address one of Lercymoth’s arguments, Lercymoth automaticaly wins.

Second rule: if SYABM completely dismisses Lercymoth’s arguments as “irrelevant”, SYABM automatically loses. Again, SYABM deserves no mercy whatsoever. If he doesn’t bother to make a counter-argument, then he doesn’t have one.

>Yes, people some people got shot, but:

There’s an old saying; what comes after the ‘but’ is the real argument. It’s generally reliable. Especially when you’re being vague about identifying folks in this sentence when you’re ostensibly acknowledging victimhood of the recent DC protesters, but very precise in the following ones when you want to assign blame, or claim BLM are victims

This is a “tone argument”. SYABM isn't addressing Lercymoth's argument; he's whining about the way Lercymoth is presenting it.

Since SYABM isn't actually addressing Lercymoth's argument, this paragraph is worthless. Lercymoth wins.

>let crowd in

Yes, because they were outnumbered, IIRC. They physically couldn’t keep the crowd out without killing people.

Surprisingly, SYABM might actually have a point here.

Unfortunately, I have no intention of giving him mercy. SYABM conveniently forgets that the police has no problem whatsoever with killing black people for being potentially threatening. So why the disparity here? SYABM doesn't explain it, therefore Lercymoth automatically wins.

>took selfies

So you’re implying a few pictures obviates being shot?

SYABM is deliberately missing the point. The point is that the cops decided to be friendly with the insurgents despite the fact that they aren't supposed to be buddy-buddy with insurgents who are attempting a coup.

SYABM automatically loses, since he deliberately avoided addressing Lercymoth’s argument. Lercymoth wins.

>Had to to get attention

There are several things wrong with this statement.

So let me get this straight.  you think government officials don’t care about the lives and livelihoods of black people.  and so, you decided the best way to fix this problem is by destroying the lives and livelihoods of black people...

Nope. Black people didn't choose to protest. The violent reaction of the police, coupled with decades of racism, caused the riots.

Martin Luther King Jr. said that “a riot is the language of the unheard”; and this is precisely what is currently happening. We're at the point where riots WILL happen, regardless of what black or white people want; and the only way to fix this is by addressing the cause of the riot. Continuing to blame black people without fixing the racist police system addresses the symptom, not the cause; and on top of that, it's precisely the mindset that caused the riots in the first place.

Also, 93% of all BLM since May have been peaceful (https://time.com/5886348/report-peaceful-protests/) - and that's if we count “spraying graffiti” and “responding to an unjustified attack from cops/white supremacists” as violence. The vast majority of the violence came from white supremacists and cops. Therefore, any discussion about the violence that happened during the protests that DOESN'T acknowledge this is intrinsically dishonest, and therefore must be dismissed.

Ah, also this bit:

in fact some of them are still claiming it.  like aridara.   he implied the riots themselves by blm were all peaceful,  but any actual violence?  clearly that was done by undercover cops and 88ers.

Yeah, SYABM just made that up. As fucking usual. Rest of the section dismissed due to SYABM's dishonesty. Lercymoth wins.

>rubber bullets

 yeah it’s literally impossible to aim those with precision outside of point Blank  range. you cannot reliably shoot somebody in the eye from more than a  foot or two away.

SYABM is missing the point. Lercymoth was talking about cases where people were shot directly with rubber bullets. Keep in mind that EVERY training says that rubber bullets must be aimed towards the ground, so that they bounce off and lose power before hitting the protesters. The sheer amount of times cops violated this basic training, and the fact that they violated such a basic rule, shows us that these aren't accidental cases; these are deliberate actions.

SYABM, instead, claims that the cops couldn't reliably aim at people's eyes, therefore cops didn't deliberately shoot rubber bullets directly at people. Which is bullshit logic. Rest of the paragraph dismissed. Lercymoth wins.

>fascist

Nope. People literally called the cops ‘troops’, including news sources, and called him fascist for sending them in.

SYABM is once again missing the point. Trump sent in federal cops to arrest people without any charge, kidnap them off the streets, and transport them to federal buildings without telling anyone.

Rest of the paragraph dismissed. Lercymoth wins. Again: if SYABM wants to disprove Lercymoth's arguments, then SYABM must actually talk about Lercymoth's arguments. If SYABM talks about other stuff without actually addressing Lercymoth's arguments, then SYABM didn't disprove Lercymoth's arguments - which means that the latter wins by default.

All that other stuff? Irrelevant. My point was “the cops used much less force than they did in DC to protect Federal property in Portland,...

SYABM is once again missing Lercymoth's point, which is that cops use IMMEDIATE violence against BLM for stuff like peaceful protesting; while they treated the Capitol coupers with kid gloves. SYABM failed to disprove this (no, his bullshit cherry-picked example doesn’t count jack shit), therefore Lercymoth wins by default. The end.

It’s funny you should mention Ted Wheeler, when he’s one of the people the rioters harassed. And the tear gas incident in July was when he was an anonymous face in the crowd, wearing a mask,...

This is false. As usual, SYABM just lies, lies, lies without bringing any source to back up his own claims. In fact, whenever he makes a claim without bothering to bring up any source, the chances that he's lying increase considerably.

Anyway, rest of the section dismissed because it's based on a lie. Lercymoth wins.

>- Putting fucking children in concentration camps. (They’re not detainment centers. Those don’t have fences cages with tin foil blankets.)

How exactly do you detain people without fences and walls?

SYABM is once again missing the point. Lercymoth specifically said “fence cages”; SYABM, instead, talks about fences and walls. SYABM refuses to address Lercyomth’s argument, therefore he abandons the competition; Lercymoth wins.

>No one wants the idea that the White House raiders being treated better than BLM to be true. 

Really? No one wants to claim BLM are treated worse because of racism? Not a single person?

SYABM is once again missing the point. Lercymoth is pointing out that nobody wants X to be true; but X is true so people claim that X is true. Because it IS.

SYABM cherry-picks Lercymoth's argument into “nobody […] claim that X is true”. Which is a massive strawman. Which means that SYABM isn't attacking Lercymoth's actual argument – which means that Lercymoth, once again, wins by default.

And that's it. Literally ALL of Lercymoth's arguments win by default, because Siryouarebeingmocked is too coward, dishonest and spineless to actually try to disprove them.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Time for my feels dump thoughts on Diabolical Box...! y’all, this game. this game. I don’t think people give it enough credit for... a lot of what it does, despite the messiness of the plot reveals... but it’s so special and unique, in ways I’m only now appreciating. also this is gonna be really REALLY fucking long I am so sorry, but I have a Lot to say about the ending parts... i just love this game so much...... so i wrote a fucking novel bc of course i did.

also i played this in October, completely unintentionally, so that’s noice.

The amount of voice acting and cutcenes in this compared to CV is amazing, I love it so much, even if it is funny sometimes the dialogue they choose to voice and then abruptly cut off a few lines later.

I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Luke jumping on Chelmey and trying to rip his face off and it’s just the funniest fucking thing omg; Hershel in the background going “NO LUKE THAT’S HIS FACE” is comedic gold.

Will we ever know what Hershel was going to say when Chelmey asked him what Luke’s relationship to him was... dammit Luke why’d you have to cut him off.

Hershel calling the hamster “generously proportioned” is amazing. also “I’ve always said that helping rodents in need is among the duties of every true gentleman” Hershel... please tell me what other situations have made you say that... please...

Why is there an entire subplot about finding this Karen’s dog, just to make Chelmey look like even more of an idiot? if they needed to pad the game out more, they definitely could have done it with flashbacks or in places that I’m... ahem... emotionally invested in

Flora’s treatment in this game is so infuriating to me, like... why did they think this was a good idea? What was the point of bringing her into the plot for NO other reason than to be kidnapped and impersonated? Was it literally just because they needed a way for Hershel and Luke to run into Don Paolo and get the box back from him??? Why couldn’t, idk, Katia run into him in Dropstone and get the box from him and save Flora, that would still get the box to her and keep Flora in the group, and it would tip them off to Katia being related to all this even earlier, and Don Paolo could still be shown there if he absolutely has to make an appearance in each game. I know it’s because he has to be built up and then revealed, and because Hershel always has to have a dramatic point-n’-reveal every game, but whyyyyyy does it have to be at the expense of Flora. :))))) It would have been interesting to see her reactions to Folsense and Anton and everything, and not have Katia be the only female involved in all this; maybe she could, you know, actually have a personality!! hahaaaa who am I kidding...

beluga: “it’s already been a year since she passed away” me: whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

Anderson talking about Dropstone and the sacrifices made to found it and how it can’t die out like “other towns”... with the song playing... whythehellyoucryingsodamnloud.jpg

The sheer coincidence of Katia going to Folsense on the same day that Hershel and Luke would end up in Dropstone and then there, and on the 50th anniversary of the town... not a likely one.

Didn’t some versions of the game come with a real version of the train ticket to Folsense? I want it D:

i also want a real Elysian Box, like can i commission someone to make one minus the whole you know actual gold, please, i’ll pay aNYTHING- *sobs*

LUKE HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT HERSHEL IS AN ARCHEOLOGIST, AFTER ALL THE ARCHEOLOGICAL SHIT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH

Hershel to “Flora”: “you’re as white as a sheet!” Don Paolo, minutes ago while the others aren’t looking: *furiously powdering his face mask or some shit*

Why was Anton’s diary lying in the street though... it doesn’t make sense that Katia or Beluga would have it, and they couldn’t open it anyhow. probably just a gameplay thing that should go unquestioned but I want to knowwww lol. Also wish Hershel and Luke had reactions to the entries.

Ilyana tho. Also bootleg Clive asdfghjkl

I LOVE THE TOWER OF HANOI PANCAKE PUZZLES

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the obsession with the tea set... like yeah it’s fun to serve tea when you actually get it right, but I’m stuck with like two recipes missing and getting frustrated just trying and trying countless ingredient combinations on end because some of the npcs are NOT helpful enough in telling what to make :))))

Obviously Katia can’t reveal anything or say anything about why she’s there at all to keep the suspense till the end, but it would have been cool to see her working together with them and making a plan to get into the castle and help Anton aka I just wanted more scenes with Anton being nice and not flying into a rage over a misunderstanding ugh

It’s honestly pretty impressive some of the deductions/connections Chelmey makes in this game, despite his... other incredibly stupid ones lol

“iSnT iT oBvIoUs?”

WHY DOES HERSHEL RISK KILLING LUKE (AGAIN) WITH THE BOX. And why tf does it not do anything to them since they assumed it would...?

The biggest mystery of the series is how Pavel gets where he does, truly

The music in the forest is truly one of the best osts, god I love it. I also adore the Herzen Castle ost now, I never really noticed it before but it is WONDERFULLY creepy and heavy and melancholic and just... idk, those harpsicords go hard. damn.

Opening the Elysian Box is the best puzzle in the series, because of the meaning behind it. Or at least, it’s my favorite for that reason :^)

Alright folks so I’m gonna be completely, unabashedly honest here, and reveal myself to be the superficial, shallow fucker I am lmao: Anton is super hot and I’m still attracted to him even now, and I hate that we get so little time with younger him dklslskdfkflssd I AM SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT OKAY. BLAME THE VOICE ACTOR, HE HAD NO RIGHT TO SOUND SO UNEXPECTEDLY DEEP AND INCREASE ANTON’S HOTNESS LEVEL BY 1000%... just. god damn. damn. the dining room scene. the lighting. the way he puts his hands down and closes his eyes at one point. the way he says Herzen. the freaking sass with “chalk it up to my bad taste then.” the little clap. his entire design which just oozes Victorian era anime bishie beauty. kudos to the character designer who was like “well they said make someone cool and handsome and i wasn’t sure what to do but i tried and i guess it worked out” GOOD SIR BOY DID YOU SUCCEED. how dare this man turn me on so much, fUCK. And I know it’s super shitty of me to not like his old design as much!!! but just!!! why the beak nose.... why.... he was so gorgeous and then you give him the Bronev nose treatment..... i’m already so sad over the ending but you make him look so much sADDER, THE SADDEST POSSIBLE DESIGN FOR OLDER ANTON. It’s not that I mind him being old, I just wish he looked more like himself... there didn’t need to be such a drastic change. But I know I’m just being petty lmao. anyway stan Anton for most beautiful PL character always 🙏 Descole and Clive’s hotness have nothing on this man

*ahem* But to get back to serious topics, replaying this now when I’m older, with the ones after it in mind, I think I finally realize why this game stands out to me so much from the others, making it my favorite. To put it as best I can, Diabolical Box, to me at least, just has a different feel from all the other PL games. Yes, it’s still definitely a Layton game, you still investigate a mystery, there’s still puzzles everywhere, it still has a relaxing city or country feel to the atmosphere, there’s still lots of charm, but once you hit Folsense and the climax and the ending reveals, the tone sort of... shifts? Not drastically, but enough that’s different from any point in all the other games that I can remember; I feel like Last Spector might have the closest kind of atmosphere to Folsense at certain parts, but even then the plot of that game is nowhere near to having the same tone as this one. Diabolical Box, when you really look close at it and think about it, is dark. Dark in a way that none of the other games are, despite the darkness some of the others do have. And I think part of that is because almost every other game/movie is connected to the overarching story involving Hershel’s past and people involved with him, and so the drama and angst is very much grounded in London or other places Hershel would be/was, and in his time, but Diabolical Box is unique in that the story and characters in it have nothing to do with him. And to reflect this, Anton and Sophia’s story is based in the early 1900′s, the Victorian era, in a city so far separated from, again, everything to do with Hershel, that if you were to just watch their story by itself and take the professor and Luke out of it, and you knew nothing about the series, you could reasonably argue that it isn’t from a Professor Layton game at all. What I mean is that Anton’s story could be an entire anime all on its own surely it’s not obvious how badly I want that, nope, not at all, completely separate from this series, and it would work; it could be its own period era-esque drama series, still with all the supernatural shit intact later on. I can think of a few existing anime similar to what I’m imagining. 

And I really do think it would be amazing, because like I said this story is terribly, terribly dark, and sad; as a PL game, like a lot of the other ones, it can’t go deep into the nitty gritty of what makes Anton’s story so fucking depressing, but just like... Imagine it. Imagine being alone, for so long in that castle, so long that you don’t even know how long it’s been anymore, with virtually no one, after having your heart broken and being abandoned by the person you loved the most, and who you thought loved you, and getting no closure about it. This long post goes a ton of detail about Anton’s character and things he was probably feeling/reasons for his behavior, but in short, Anton’s mother is never mentioned, so combined with how distant he was from his father and the fact that he feels alone in his role in society and that no one truly sees him as a real person, it’s quite possible that he clung to Sophia unconsciously as a mother figure, and, in general, she was the only person who made him feel seen, and loved. The only exception was Beluga, but Beluga leaves the town and Anton behind after quarreling with their father, so... It’s just extremely apparent when you read the diary entries and his dialogue (with the voice acting) that Anton was always alone and terribly insecure, and that Sophia made him the happiest he ever was - and so her leaving him was devastating to him. He was alone for fifty years (and who knows how long it actually felt, to him), in a lonely castle and emptying town, his entire family either left or dead, his body slowly aging without him even knowing it, while he had a daughter and granddaughter born without even knowing it, and all the while he’s left with the misunderstanding that Sophia might have loved someone “better” than him all along, never getting answers, having to live with all that grief and guilt and blame and jealousy and self-hatred over a situation that wasn’t even entirely true. Imagine what your MENTAL STATE would be like, jfc it’s a miracle he’s as sane as he is in the game!! Not to mention everything that crashes down on him within TEN MINUTES AT THE END. Yes, Unwound Future and the prequels very purposefully heap the angst on with Clive/Dimitri and Descole respectively, like “we are trying so hard to make you feel for this guy cry cry cry” and I fall for it like the trash i am love them too, don’t get me wrong, but Anton’s tragedy is much more understated but in my opinion is by far the absolute saddest of them all. I just... i’m crying y’all, this poor man. give him a fucking HUG. Anton Did Nothing Wrong 2k20; he doesn’t even hurt the people he lures in with his vampire scheme!! he lets them go without a scratch!!! what a guy... give him a hug and blankets please i love him so much, him and Sophia- *sobs*

and also as a side note, I honestly think Descole/Desmond would fit perfectly into this game for a lot of these reasons, in the trend of “trying to fit Descole into the first trilogy”; he’s got the right Aesthetic™ for one thing, but mainly just he and Anton have a LOT in common...! actually, now that I think about it, Randall and Anton do too, but I much prefer the notion of Descole and Anton interacting. honestly, I’m toying with the idea of an AU where Desmond and resurrected Aurora end up in Folsense and solve that mystery themselves instead of Hershel and Luke; i think it’d be fascinating.

However, by the same token, as much as I LOVE this game and characters for all of those reasons... it also makes no fucking sense ahaha. How the FUCK does the gas work. The illness that started killing people when the ore was first unearthed and is the reason everyone starts leaving, is THAT from the gas I assume?? but like why?? cause eventually it just turns to making the town appear as it was years ago and keeping people young, so...? ARE ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE NOT ACTUALLY THERE, OR THEY ARE AND ARE JUST YOUNG LIKE ANTON; I’m still not clear on this!! because Hershel at the end says they’re illusions, and yet when you talk to the npcs so many of them complain about being tired and feeling old, so what is the truth!! It would make sense if newcomers see the town as it is in the pictures, but there’s no reason for them to not age... in fact, I don’t understand where the not aging thing comes from at ALL, since if the idea is that the gas makes what you think will happen happen, how tf did that even come about in the first place??? There’s no way everyone who inhaled the gas would think the exact same things and have the exact same hallucination. And if fifty years passed in reality, how long did it feel like to Anton/others; surely it couldn’t have been that long if they never questioned why they weren’t aging? If the gas in the box put Schrader in a coma, what was his theory about what would happen? Why does nothing happen to Hershel and Luke upon opening it when they clearly assume something will happen? Related to other things, how does the box become the source of a rumor, and how does Schrader even get it? Do people just assume Anton is dead or otherwise gone, or do they know/assume he’s still in the castle but don’t try to see him because of the vampire? Does Beluga know Anton is still there, if he does it’s pretty shitty of him to ignore him, and why does he think the box has to do with the fortune of all things if he possibly knew Sophia wanted it and knew it had something to do with her and Anton (seriously I don’t understand Beluga, I really wish they’d done more with him; he looks so shitty even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he knew the least amount possible)??? Did Sammy know that the drugged flowers related to getting into Folsense? Did Katia know how to get into Folsense, and what was she planning to do if she never found the box in order to prove she was who she said she was? Why do some of the npcs act like they know the deep dark secret of Folsense and keep saying Hershel and Luke don’t need to know, and keep talking about the town being cursed, like do they really know the truth?? Or not??? LEVEL-5 I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I’M TOO DUMB TO FIGURE OUT THE ANSWERS. EVEN LAYTON VS. WRIGHT’S STUPID REVEALS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THIS AAAAAHHHH

anyway DB best game anton hot Even with all the weirdness though that makes this game the most Layton the Layton series has ever Layton’d lmao, I still love Diabolical Box so damn much. I love it so much, guys. It’s not part of a huge narrative, it’s not connected to the main characters; it tells its own little story and it does that perfectly. It’s so unique from all the rest, like I said, the plot has so much depth I don’t really see talked about, Anton and Sophia’s story is so beautifully tragic and underrated on a mature level that none of the other games really reach, and despite how upset I am we don’t get to see more of them, their love story is so impactful and emotional just from what little we do see, despite some of the oddities of how it plays out... they’re so sweet together and I cry so damn much over them ಥ⌣ಥ Iris is one of the most beautiful and touching songs in the series, too, and my favorite. And I’m a sucker for the Victorian era and cute romance lmao, so it just gets me like nothing else does... it’s so wonderful. saddest PL game, I will die on this hill. Even if I seem to talk a lot more about some of the other games/characters simply because there’s more content to talk about and there’s more to say about the more flawed content. you can’t improve perfection *chef’s kiss*, deep down, I think, this game will always be my favorite. ❤️

[kaeyas-wifehusband]

Forever Connected: Part 2

(Writer’s Note: Hnnng it’s finally here. I know I said this a dozen times already, but thank you so much for being patient with me! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story and have a good day!)

Part 1

Summary: As the current Avatar, Aang is aware that he is spiritually tied to all the ones that came before him. After a horrifying experience, he begins to wonder just how deep connections can be and if some bonds were destined to be made. (This story is based on the Kummi/Taang theory so please go check that out if you haven’t yet.)

The following day was equally bright and warm as the previous. Toph sat at the edge of the bluff, her feet dangling. She fiddled with some grass in one hand while using the other to rest her head. Typically, she wasn’t the kind of person to worry. Being down-to-earth was one of her best qualities. Yet, yesterday’s events still weighed heavy on her mind. Aang had always been a bit unusual, at least to her. Being both an airbender and the avatar made it easy to understand why. His strongly contrasting personality occasionally caused issues between the two of them. At the same time, it drew them together. They balanced each other. 

“Er, hey.” 

“Son of a-” she gasped, harshly jolted out of her thoughts. “Ugh, Aang, don’t scare me like that. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

He chuckled and plopped down beside her. “Heh, sorry ‘bout that. Have you been waiting long?”

“Mm, nah. I’ve only been here for like...half an hour? Forty-five minutes at most.”

“Aww, you mean you didn’t stay all night? And here I thought you loved me.” he said, his voice dripping with obvious faux disappointment.

He was rewarded with a playful punch on the shoulder. Following that was “Shut it, Twinkle Toes.” 

“Ow! Haha, okay, fine. Jeez.”

He rubbed his arm and for a moment, there was silence. It wasn’t anything like the day before, however, or like any other time for that matter. It felt awkward now; heavy. Part of him considered just forgetting the whole ordeal. It would be much easier to simply pretend that it never happened and that everything would be back to normal.  Although, she would never put up with that. All those years of her drilling it into him to be upfront, to say what was on his mind, left a lasting impact. He took in a deep breath and exhaled.

“Look, about yesterday..I didn’t mean to freak you out-”

“Aang, you scared me.” 

A pang of guilt flowed through him. “Er, right. I’m sorry about that. I’m also sorry for just flying off without explaining anything to you.”

“As you should be.”

“See, the thing is...I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it then because,” he scratched the back of his head. “I wasn’t exactly sure what was wrong, to be honest.” 

She raised a brow and flicked some grass on him. “Well, that sure makes a whole lotta sense.”

“But I did some meditating and, well, have you ever heard of Kuruk?”

“Wasn’t he, like, the avatar before Kyoshi or somethin’?”

“Yeah! He immediately followed Yangchen in the avatar timeline and originated from the Northern Water Tribe!”

Toph sighed and laid back on the greenery. “Well, thanks for the history lesson, I guess. But how does any of that relate to your little meltdown? “Okay, first of all, it wasn’t a meltdown. Second, I’ll get to that part. Try being patient,” He heard her mumble something incoherent, then chose not to acknowledge it. Patience wasn’t exactly her virtue and she loathed being told what to do. He cleared his throat and continued. “Kuruk was, uhh, not exactly a good avatar. Not like evil or anything. He just...didn’t do much. Yangchen was apparently so good at creating peace among the four nations that he assumed he didn’t have to carry out any of his avatar duties. He didn’t uplift the voices of the needy. He didn’t protect people from harm. He didn’t promote harmony. Nothing.”

“Sure sounds like a real loser, huh?” 

Aang crossed his legs and looked up towards the sky. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Anyway, he fell in love with Ummi, a woman from the Southern Water Tribe. They spent a lot of time together. She meant everything to him and they later got married.”

“Oh, so THAT’S who you were yelling for yesterday.”

“I...I was?”

“Yep. Don’t ya remember?”

“Alright, there was a lot going on in that moment. So if I forget some details, I’m frankly fine with it.”

Toph shrugged. “Understandable.”

There was a long pause. Though Toph had her feet still hanging over the edge, she could sense a deep sadness within him.   Before she could say anything, however, he went on. 

“Then...something terrible happened,” he swallowed. “As some sort of twisted punishment for Kuruk’s inactiveness, Koh flat-out abducted Ummi on her wedding night and stole her face. Which ultimately...well-”

“Killed her?”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment, allowing the heaviness of the story to set in. Toph wasn’t one to feel affected by such tragic tales. This was different though. Not only because it clearly had a strong impact on Aang, but also because it felt familiar. How that was so wasn’t exactly understandable to her; not yet that is. Some part of her was able to not just imagine what Ummi went through, but practically feel it as well. (Shock. Fear. Despair.) 

“And yesterday, when we were hanging out, I think I sort of...re-lived that experience,” He turned his head towards her. “Because when I looked at you, I didn’t see you. I mean I did, but not the you that I know. Instead, I saw Ummi. Faceless,” He bit his lip and averted his gaze. “Dead.” The last word weighed greatly and hung in the air. 

“Wait...what do you mean when you say that you saw me but not really?”

He sighed. “It’s kinda complicated. Like, I’ll tell you, but you have to swear you won’t think I’m weird.”

There was a snicker. “Too late for that, Twinkle Toes. But go on.”

“I think...as wild as it seems...you may be a reincarnation of Ummi.”

It was preposterous. That is, it should’ve been. An expected reaction would have involved a hardy laugh or perhaps a jab to the arm; a “Haha. Aren’t you funny? Now stop being dumb.” most likely following. This wasn’t what happened, though. Her lack of surprise almost concerned her. All she requested was an explanation.

And she received one.

So he told her about everything. He told her about seeing her in the magical swamp and that he initially believed she would be someone he would meet, yet perhaps he already did in another life. (“Time is an illusion and so is death.”) Then he spoke of the anxiety-ridden nightmare he had shortly before battling Ozai. In it, she was not like Katara or Sokka. Their demise was swift and intense. Hers wasn’t. She was not consumed by fire or earth. Rather, she was cold, faceless. (“We see visions of people we lost, people we’ve loved, folks we think are gone. They’re not.”) Aang told her how, like Kuruk, he was passive. What made it different is that it was a habit he kicked, thanks to her help. She gave him what he needed; what Kuruk needed many, many years ago. 

“But this probably sounds like a bunch of nonsense to you, doesn’t it?” he mumbled, eyes cast downward.

“No.”

“No?”

“Maybe a few years ago, if you told me all this, I would’ve not believed you.”

“And probably laugh at me.”

“Oh, I’d definitely laugh at you,” she said while stretching her arms and sitting up. “That was then, though. This is now. Since we met, things that I never thought could happen, happened. I’ve long since given up on the concept of impossible. You’ve opened me up to so many possibilities and plausibilities…and stop crying.” She reached over and tenderly swiped her thumb across his cheek. 

“Hey, it’s your fault.” Aang half-chuckled, half-sobbed. 

“Pfft, my apologies. Next time I’ll just tell you to shut up, deal?”

“Deal.”

He looked at her, the setting sun casting an ethereal glow on her being. Golden rays beamed upon her, upon the scenery. The gentle breeze carried the scent of sea salt. In this moment, everything was serene. His hand reached out to her face, connected. She leaned into the touch. (Safe. Secure. Found) Being intentional, careful, he softly pressed his lips against hers. (Home.)

“I love you.” he whispered as their mouths parted.

“Love ya, too, crybaby.”

[roguish-gallery]

Did you ever make that joker tier list, I always like seeing what people think of all the different ones. Though if they put Romero last I can no longer respect them.

LMAO I DID! I think I’ve made it kind of obvious in this blog but I... don’t... particularly... care... for... the joker.... unless he’s, y’know, fun to watch. Cause he’s a clown, and clowns are supposed to be entertaining. But since you politely brought it up, and and because I have a deep respect for mutual Romero-lovers, I guess this would be a good time to explain my rankings and just discuss my general thoughts on each clown:

General Thoughts:

For the most part, I don’t really care for the Joker. This is hardly an uncommon opinion here on tumblr, but I definitely fall on the side of the fandom that feels that he gets too much attention from DC. I get WHY they use him so often for films and comics, and I don’t have anything against *most* folks who consider them their favorite Batman villain, but at this point he’s used more for shock value and as a crutch instead of anything interesting. Like, instead of giving attention to the other Rogues, writers (at least for the comics) will try and make up some bullshit story that they can shoehorn the Joker into, ‘cause it sells. It’s tiring, and I feel like the character has lost his meaning; I can only read so many stories about the Joker, I don’t fucking know, wearing a suit made from dead babies and Jason Todd’s flayed corpse before I get sick of it.

I’m at the point where I’ll like any Joker who’s just fun to watch. I genuinely respect those who prefer darker interpretations of the character, but that isn’t me; I vastly prefer the lighthearted takes on him, because... at this point... writers who use the “cleaner” version of him tend to be more creative, since they actually have to write a Joker story that doesn’t rely on gore/torture porn.

TIER ONE:

Joker Baby: Self explanatory. Joker Baby is thematic, thoughtful, and intense. Everytime I watch this video, I shiver with fear and pleasure; something primal in me awakens whenever Joker Baby runs his fingers through his spray-on dyed hair, and ends up smearing green paint on his forehead- it represents the inner turmoil, the chaos, that resides within the disturbed body that is Joker Baby. Nothing can ever hope to top the artistic and cultural impact Joker Baby has had on society.

TIER TWO:

Batman Ninja: I genuinely believe that Batman Ninja is one of the most fun, organic, and creative things to come out from the Batman side of DC comics in like... hmmm... a decade, maybe (I could talk for hours about how much I love this movie but that’s something for a future post). This Joker is easily, and unironically my favorite interpretation of the character, period. I love his energy, his design, everything. This is the most fun I’ve ever had watching a Joker on-screen, and for that I’ve gotta give the film credit where it is due.

Batman ‘66: I looooove Caesar Romero. Batman ‘66 in general is one of my favorite pieces of Batman media, and I absolutely adore this Joker. The show is pure, genuine fun, and it’s nice to turn my brain off and watch a show where the entire cast was allowed to goof around. This Joker is just a cute, goofy little clown-man who likes to commit crimes, go surfing, turn Gotham’s water reserve into gelatin, and have wild orgies with Penguin, Catwoman, and the Riddler. I massively appreciate the hustle. I love his little mustache and his facial expressions. I’d give him a chaste little kiss on the cheek if I could.

The Batman: EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL TAKE BUT. I think TB!Joker is better than what people will give him credit for. I can only imagine how stressful it must have been to be the first Batman cartoon to follow BTAS and the writers for this show knew they were gonna be fucked no matter what they did with the Joker, so they just decided to try something completely different with him. Personally, I appreciate the new direction- he has a fun, unhinged energy. I’ve placed him higher than BTAS/BTNA!Joker simply because The Batman was the show that got me into the Rogues in the first place, and I’m just a bit closer to this Joker because of it. Also his vampire form was cool as FUCK in Batman Vs. Dracula and the scene where he gets drenched in blood at a blood bank is fucking awesome.

Batman the Animated Series/The New Adventures: Everyone loves BTAS’s Joker, and I’m no exception. Mark Hamill is fucking great, and the writers clearly knew the character well enough to create a version of him that can be fun and threatening. As an aside, I unironically like his redesign in BTNA- I remember Hamill mentioning somewhere that he thought it was neat that this Joker looked more like a shark (I’ll see if I can find a source on that... I think he said it in an interview with Kevin Smith?) and I kinda agree with him. the redesigns in the final season are hit or miss, but I didn’t get why so many people bitched about the Joker’s new look.

Batman Unlimited: Hear me out... Hear me out... Clown... funny... and cute... He wears a little crown and gives Solomon Grundy a little smooch on the cheek and it is as delightful as it sounds. Yes the Batman Unlimited films literally only exist to sell toys but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them on some ironic level.

TIER THREE:

Lego Batman: He’s a gay icon. He has the range. Enough said.

White Knight: This is just a genuinely good, original take on the character, and the art in White Knight is absolutely gorgeous. 

Arkham: My friends and I joke that this Joker is basically a more unhinged version of BTAS! Joker and... yeah. I’m glad Hamill and Paul Dini got to fuck around with the character more, but I never really dwelled on the Joker parts of the games like I might have for other characters. I definitely liked him the most in Arkham Asylum, as he was more fun to watch. Arkham City was fiiiiine, but I think I replayed the game so much that I kinda got fatigued with everything about it. Genuinely hated his part in Origins, and I was pissed that he stole the attention from Black Mask and Bane (who’s the best fucking part of Origins IMO). I’ll admit that I... Haven’t... played... Knight yet (I have it on PC but my laptop is too wimpy to run it) but like... He’s dead at that point, so I’d assume he isn’t the main point of that game anyway. I love Mark Hamill and the fact I can personally beat the shit out of this Joker, so he’s ranked up pretty high for those reasons.

TIER FOUR:

Batman ‘89: TBH this Joker should be a rank higher, but I’m too lazy to hop onto PicsArt to change it. NIcholson was an excellent choice, and I apprecaite how this Joker makes use of the playful and unhinged aspects of the character. Also, his outfits are cute, and I love the museum scene.

Brave and the Bold: Technically this Joker SHOULD be ranked higher since he’s literally based on the more lighthearted comics in the 60′s but... ehhh... I haven’t really watched BATB so I don’t have any strong opinions on the show and how it handles the character. he’s ranked this high through beause I appreciate what they were going for.

Golden Age: The quality of comics are always subjective, based on the creative team behind them. Some I’ll like more, others less so, It’s kind of hard to rank the pre-52 comic version of the Joker because of this.

TIER FIVE:

Killing Joke: Read it, didn’t care for it. I acknowledge how massive the impact this comic had on... everything, but just because I recognize how important this graphic novel is, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

The Dark Knight: Ledger did an excellent job with the role, but uhh... I’m kind of sick of the alt-right chuds who are out there sucking this Joker’s dick. The fanbase definitely ruined the character for me.

TIER SIX:

99′: Eh

Endgame: No

Suicide Squad: NO

Death of the Family: Hate him. Despise him. Lame stupid dumb little edgy bitch.

Gotham (Jeremiah): I don’t particulary care for Gotham in general, but the only reason I ranked this Joker over Jerome is beause I thought it was kinda funny to see that they made him a little rat-man, and I liked watching all the fujoshi on here cry and complain that they can’t ship this version of the joker with the pre-pubescent Bruce Wayne in the show bc he’s too ugly.

Gotham (Jerome): stop shippping this freak (who is fucking eighteen years old) with a literal twelve year old child. what the FUCK is wrong with yall.

UNRANKED:

The Joker (2019): I don’t plan on watching this film, nor will I ever. I know this is ironic, coming from someone who runs a Rogue blog, but stuff that focuses primarily on a character’s deteriorating mental health makes me reaaaaallllllyyyyy anxious (it’s kind of a phobia) and considering that I don’t particularly the Joker, I have no reason to watch something I know will only give my dumb ADHD-ass intrusive throughts.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Seraphine, the Starry-Eyed Songstress build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

I mean I’m going to have to build her eventually, right? Honestly Tasha’s Cauldron comes out tomorrow so I may as well take a bit of a cheat day and make a build for the new champ. I mean I still have to and pick out a bunch of spells so at least I’m doing that?

Samira build is going to come out sometime in the year 3587 lol.

GOALS

Lookin' for a song in everything I meet! - Seraphine is a stage performer, rallying the whole crowd into song to make it loud and proud!

You're all breathtaking! - Seraphine can unite everyone around her with shields and heals. COUGH SONA COUGH.

Sing it with me! - When the time comes Seraphine can bring the whole world closer together! Good thing she isn’t mute.

RACE

I would really love to do a funny joke and say that Seraphine is a Tiefling or an Orc or something but no: she’s a Human. I can’t even justify any of the Eberron races so we’ll just be going for good ol’ Variant Human.

As a human you can increase two ability scores of your choice: pump up your Charisma and Dexterity to keep fit and beautiful. You can also learn a skill of your choice and for hearing so strong you can hear the voices of a dying nation inside your special necklace take Perception proficiency. You can also take any language of your choice so I’d suggest one that fits with your group, or whichever one you think is Korean. Actually I think Seraphine sung in Chinese which also made people mad? Man Riot can’t stop making her controversial, huhn?

But of course the main appeal of Variant Human is the free feat at level 1. I think Alert is pretty good for mimicking super sensitive hearing. Along with a +5 bonus to initiative you can’t be surprised nor can you be snuck up on. Being able to hear everyone has its perks, huhn?

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - If you’re gonna get the crowd to adore you you’ve gotta look the part.

14; CONSTITUTION - I don’t care if Seraphine is a squishy midlane mage we simply don’t need anything else more. Feel free to swap this out with a different stat if you want better roleplay but worse health.

13; DEXTERITY - You need to be able to keep your balance on a moving platform as well as be able to dance along with the K/DA crew.

12; WISDOM - Seraphine’s big thing is being able to hear the emotions of everyone. Knowing what makes people tick is Insight, which is a Wisdom skill.

10; INTELLIGENCE - Seraphine is just your average, everyday girl. Ditzy and a little clueless.

8; STRENGTH - Seraphine can best be described as “petite.” Muscles in the chest hurt your nice soprano.

BACKGROUND

Now you may not know this but Seraphine is a singer, which is a type of Entertainer. As an Entertainer you get proficiency in Performance (obviously) and Acrobatics as well as a music instrument of your choice (Indie Seraphine plays guitar so grab a Lute) and a Disguise Kit, so maybe you can disguise the fact that you’re a copy of So...

Being the premier superstar of Piltover means that you get to tour around a lot By Popular Demand. You can perform in exchange for a place to stay, and doing so will get people to notice you! "Music helps you keep your head up."

(Artist unknown. Blame LoL Wiki. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - BARD 1

YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT SERAPHINE IS A BARD. As a Bard you get proficiency in three skills as well as three instruments! Choose whatever instruments you want (you mostly sing, and the majority of magical instruments are Lutes anyways which you’re already proficient in) (my secret advice? Pan Flutes and Horns have a few magic instruments) but for your skills take Insight to hear the crowd, Persuasion to rally the crowd, and Arcana to learn why your magic crystal is screaming.

You also get Bardic Inspiration! Seraphine talks about being inspired so she can inspire others, and you can inspire your allies with a d6 to add to Attack Rolls, Saving Throws, and Skill Checks!

But of course Bards are spellcasters with Spellcasting too! You can learn two cantrips from the Bard list: Prestidigitation will let you get some special effects on stage and Vicious Mockery doesn’t have to be mockery... It would just be a lot cooler if it was.

You also learn four spells from the Bard list: Comprehend Languages will let you understand everyone’s song, and Faerie Fire will let you light up their life. On the more unnerving end Dissonant Whispers will let folk listen to your crystal, and Detect Magic will let you tell exactly what kind of magic you’re hearing. That’s weird: why is the Hextech crystal radiating Necromancy?

LEVEL 2 - BARD 2

Second level Bards are Jack of All Trades, being able to add half their proficiency bonus to any skill check. Because you see the rhythm in everything! Additionally you get Song of Rest, helping your friends take a break and recover more health during short rests.

But most importantly you get another spell! Another way to cheer someone up is to give them a good laugh, and Tasha’s Hideous Laughter will make them do just that! Maybe they’re laughing about the fact that Riot keeps insisting your not a copy of Sona? Oh don’t worry the jabs at Seraphine as a character are just gonna keep coming.

LEVEL 3 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get Expertise in two skills: choose Insight to hear the souls of both cities, and Performance because... yeah duh. You don’t become famous in a day.

But much more importantly you get your choice of Bard College, and for the rich and fabulous the College of Glamour will make sure everyone loves you! You can now officially captivate the whole audience (up to your Charisma modifier) with your Enthralling Performance, charming them and making them idolize you and defend you on Twitter. To both shield your allies and speed them up with Surround Sound Mantle of Inspiration takes a Bonus Action to give them Temporary Hitpoints and let them take a reaction to move out of danger. Yeah this was pretty much on a silver platter for me so I figured I’d take it.

You can also learn another spell and for an effective Beat Drop take Hold Person, rooting them in place for long enough that your ADC can do their magic.

LEVEL 4 - BARD 4

4th level comes with your first Ability Score Improvement. Charisma is pretty much everything for us now so pumping that up would be helpful!

You can also learn another spell and another cantrip! For your cantrip Dancing Lights will let you light up your stage and also pulls double duty by letting your dumb human eyes see in the dark. As for leveled spells Suggestion is a more direct form of emotional manipulation, suggesting actions for the other person to take. These actions can’t be directly harmful or against what the character would normally do, but “you should buy my $30 release skin” is a fairly ordinary request, right?

(Picture from Seraphine’s Twitter. Yup Seraphine is definitely real.)

LEVEL 5 - BARD 5

5th level Bards get Font of Inspiration, allowing their Bardic Inspiration to come back on a Short rest instead of a Long rest. This is great because your Bardic Inspiration die also increases to a d8, increasing your Mantle of Inspiration Temp HP too!

You can also learn third level spells but the keyword here is can because I’m actually going to stick at second to take spells like Calm Emotions. Man you’ll never guess what this spell does.

While Calm Emotions is a nice spell feel free to deviate from my builds as you see fit. Like seriously a temporary ceasefire is nice but so is a huge Fear cone.

LEVEL 6 - BARD 6

6th level Glamour Bards can make people dance like they have a magical instrument from Ionia. Mantle of Majesty lets you Concentrate on a not-spell once per Long Rest and get the ability to cast the Command actual-spell as a Bonus Action for one minute. Command lets you make one word commands at your enemy as long as they can understand you and you aren’t asking them to do something harmful to themselves. So commands like “Dance!” “Sing!” and “Cheer!” are all viable (though perhaps not effective in a teamfight.)

You can also add another spell to your spell list but again the third level Bard spells aren’t too enticing to me, so take Enthrall to make sure they concentrate on you and you alone.

Oh and you get Countercharm, letting you use an action to give allies against Frightening and Charming effects. Or they could buy some Tenacity. Or you could get a Paladin.

LEVEL 7 - BARD 7

7th level Bards get 4th level spells and Confusion will get the crowd mixed up in the noise, resulting in a cacophony that would sound like unbearable noise to most. Because it is unbearable noise. But at least your friends can fight them in the madness.

LEVEL 8 - BARD 8

8th level Bards get another Ability Score Improvement. Do you know what’s helpful for a class based entirely on Charisma? Maxed out Charisma!

You know what else is helpful? Charm Monster, so you can talk to any crystal scorpions that might be looking for their family. I mean, assuming the Brackern speak human.

(Picture from Seraphine’s Twitter. Yup Seraphine is definitely real.)

LEVEL 9 - BARD 9

9th level sees your Song of Rest increase to a d8. Does this ability scale really poorly? Yeah kinda.

At least you get 5th level spells now. If you want some high notes that’ll dance around you Animate Objects will let you make a bunch of tiny objects to hit your foes! Honestly at this point all the Enchantment spells become uhhh... evil? So we have to go for a different school if we want “good” spells.

LEVEL 10 - BARD 10

10th level Bards get Expertise in two more skills: Persuasion will help you shift the hearts of a nation. Take whatever skill you want as your secondary one since it honestly doesn’t matter too much. (I personally opted for Perception.)

But more importantly it’s Magical Secrets time! This will let you get any spell from any class’ spell list and add it to your own! Most of the time when you get this feature you want to grab some stuff at the max level you can cast but I’m actually going to go down to third level for some support and buffs! For a healing aura around you take Aura of Vitality from the Paladin spell list. To quickly charm a crowd Incite Greed will force everyone to be charmed by you as they want to see your 50 dollar Brackern Corpse... I mean Hextech crystal.

Along with your two Magical Secrets you also get another cantrip. Message is always good to keep plans in team chat.

LEVEL 11 - BARD 11

11th level Bards get 6th level spells like Otto's Irresistible Dance, which forces everyone to get into the rhythm! It’s much harder to fight when you’re dancing: it’s like being stunned! Good thing only you can force a stunning dance on enemies.

LEVEL 12 - BARD 12

12th level Bards get an Ability Score Improvement but now that your Charisma is maxed you can grab Inspiring Leader to rally everyone together for an awesome performance!

(Artist unknown. Blame LoL Wiki. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - BARD 13

13th level Bards see their Song of Rest increase to a d10, and this is the point where I make a joke about Song of Rest scaling poorly.

You at least get 7th level spells, and because none of these really fit Seraphine I’m going to suggest Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion for a K/DA stage. But again I need to remind people that I’m picking options for RP and you’re welcome to build the character however you want. Take what you think will be useful and make your own song!

LEVEL 14 - BARD 14

14th level Eloquence Bards have Unbreakable Majesty! As a Bonus Action you can put on your Ultimate Skin to force enemies to make Charisma saves if they try to attack you. If they fail, they’ll target someone else! This is a great way to keep the damage off you since you don’t exactly have great HP or AC. Do remember that it only lasts for a minute though, but you can get it back at the end of a Short or Long rest.

Additionally you get two more Magical Secrets! If you want to sing to enemies far and long (but maybe not Wide) Gravity Fissure is a Dunamancy spell that forces everyone in a line to take a massive amount of damage and be pulled to the center of the spell.

Now that you got your ultimate the world is honestly your oyster. My recommendation to get a crowd to put their hands up would be Chain Lightning, but that’s more because the spell is good than because it fits Sera.

LEVEL 15 - BARD 15

15th levels get their maximum Bardic Inspiration die of a d12! This also means that your Mantle of Inspiration will now give everyone 15 temporary hitpoints! "Harmonize!"

LoL Wiki doesn’t let me link to voice lines anymore and that’s a true crime.

And hey; 8th level spells! If you want to make some Gamers™ mad about your “cash grab” Twitter account just inflict them with Feeblemind so they can spam pictures of Skarner like the marketing department gets to choose what the champion designers make. Because remember: even if Seraphine isn’t real the people pretending to be her are, so don’t be an ass please!

LEVEL 16 - BARD 16

Who likes ASIs? We haven’t used our hyper-sensitive hearing enough so take the Observant feat for a +1 to Wisdom and a +5 to passive Perception and Investigation. And the ability to pick up on lyrics by reading people’s lips!

Are there more useful feats? Yeah, but we build for character here. If you want a powerbuild check out Reddit.

(Picture from Seraphine’s Twitter. Yup Seraphine is definitely real.)

LEVEL 17 - BARD 17

17th level Bards get to pretend that Song of Rest is a good ability! It’s a d12 now so I’m sure it’s useful now that your party all have around 100 HP!

But you finally get access to your mythical 9th level spells! Honestly all the options are great for a girl who has everything, but I’m going to go for the fun Music Video option of True Polymorph. Turn Akali into a dragon! Turn Evelynn into a demon! Turn Skarner into a battery! The possibilities are endless! (Unlike the #BrackernRights memes.)

LEVEL 18 - BARD 18

18th level Bards get their last two Magical Secrets. This is also the last two spells you’ll be getting so better make them count! Of course the best way to make a spell count is to Wish for anything. With this you can finally unite Piltover and Zaun, as long as you believe enough! Or you can bring back Skarner’s family...

For something a little more in-character and a lot more immediately practical: Mass Heal is the perfect Catch-22 to negate any burst. A burst of 700 HP to everyone is never not useful for a bit of Redemption.

LEVEL 19 - BARD 19

19th level Bards get their last Ability Score Improvement: we have an uneven Wisdom score thanks to our last Feat so eh. May as well take Resilient Wisdom for better saving throws and even scores.

LEVEL 20 - BARD 20

20th level Bards have Superior Inspiration! When you roll initiative and have no uses of Bardic Inspiration left, you regain one use. That is literally how the ability is worded. I mean, okaaaaay? At least you can spam Mantle of Inspiration a little more?

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Whole world hears me now! - You’re a full caster with no multiclassing! 9th level spells: no strings attached! You’ve even got a nice spread between Concentration spells and Non-Concentration spells, as well as both utility and combat spells.

Everyone fights to be heard; I'll fight to listen - Being a Bard means you’re good at just about everything, and particularly good at a select few things. 29 Passive Perception? +17 to Persuasion?

We've only just met and I'm already inspired - Who would’ve guessed that a Support class built to support well would be a good support? You’ve got charms, heals, and CC a plenty along with Inspiring Leader to bolster everyone before a battle and Mantle of Inspiration to keep everyone moving with the music!

CONS

Stage fright? Never heard of it - A lot of your BADDEST™ toys are locked behind big spell slots. You’ve only got two 6th level slots, and just one 9th level slot despite having three different 9th level spells to choose from. Again feel free to build your spell list however you want as I just picked what fit in character.

Pretend it's a big rehearsal - Your DEX is meh, your CON is meh. 140 HP isn’t godawful but it isn’t great when you’ll likely have 14 AC at best with Studded Leather. You know what’s really hot right now? Tattoos. See if your DM’s a cool dude who’ll pass you a Rare Barrier Tattoo from Tasha’s to essentially get Medium Armor! Elven Chain is also nice and pretty.

Joy's too quiet without sorrow on the downbeat - I don’t want to make two points related to your stats but they’re the only thing that’s really hurting in this build. Your only good stat is Charisma: and everything else ranges from meh (+2 in DEX / WIS / CON) to bad (0 in INT, -1 in STR.) While you’ll still be able to roleplay with Jack of All Trades skills your Saving Throws hurt. Your concentration is bad and anything heavy will break your petite spine in two. Luckily INT saves aren’t common but anything Strength or Constitution based will quickly put an end to your performance.

Uniting the world in song isn’t easy, but if anyone can do it it’s you. Harmonize, move with the rhythm, and unite everyone through song. There’s nothing you can’t do, and no one can bring you down down down down down down. Well, except perhaps an angry crystal scorpion monster and his army of Twitter followers.

(Artist unknown. Blame LoL Wiki. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

[bluepenguinstories]

Remoras Full Chapter XXII: Wendy City

As I sat outside with a few friends at the break of dawn, my mind kept returning to just last night. That scene couldn’t be shaken away and while those folks conversed with pudding cups and oranges in hand, I mulled over that lady’s words.

“Rhea? Is that you?” She asked.

“Rheain’t,” I should’ve replied with. Rather than such a statement as, “now that’s a name I haven’t heard in years.” God damn, could I have been any more ambiguous? Sure, it made sense to me at the time, but I probably gave my would-be bounty hunter the wrong impression.

Now that I thought of it, we were similar in stature and I suppose (although it was a bit of a stretch) that in the dark, my purple hair could have been mistaken for her blue. Still...the implications of being mistaken for such a person left me just a little unsettled.

Pensive, I fixed my gaze on the space between the four of us, then allowed a smile to form.

“Last night I ran into someone who mistook me for an old co-worker of mine,” I announced to the group.

My arms were crossed and I glanced around now and took note of the food in each person’s hand; Otis, with his thick red mittens which held a queen sized candy bar. Gloria, frail and heavy in perfume (who knows how she got hold of such a thing) shook her hands as she spooned pudding into her mouth. Bernard, whose brown and balding hair matched his brown leather clothing, all full of holes. He held an orange in his hand. All the while, my stomach growled.

“You had a job?” Bernard grunted in disbelief.

“Yes, I had a job. Why is that so hard to believe?” I protested. “In fact, it was a little over a couple years ago that I was laid off. Well, all of us were laid off. The company is no more. Just like that office building beside us. Whatever occupied it once doesn’t occupy it now.”

In some respects, good riddance. In others, good grief.

“What kind of job was it?” Gloria, now interested, set down her pudding cup and asked. Bless her frail heart.

Now what can I tell them to make it palatable?

“We were housekeepers, of sorts,” was the answer I came up with.

“What, like you cleaned houses?” Bernard again.

I put my elbow over my knee, palm on my forehead, and shook my head.

“We cleaned...messes. Going from place to place, each of us with our little jobs. Some of us were really good at getting rid of things, while others, it was more about tidying up or moving things around. Brooms, mops, sprays, vacuums, feather dusters. You name it. Everyone had their specialty.”

In truth, our organization never had a name. Those who knew of us outside of the organization would call us ‘janitors’. Then again, some of us did as well. That, or something like it. Custodians, waste disposal, cleaners, plumbers, renovators, whatever. To think that it all stemmed from a joke we all passed around about how we ‘cleaned up after others’ messes’. Then again, how many messes did we clean up and how many did we make?

“You know, back in the day there used to be a term for mafia hitmen. ‘Guy who paints houses’. Were you something like that?” Otis at last gave some input, and I wondered where he heard that bit of trivia. He couldn’t have been much older than twenty.

“No, nothing like that,” I chuckled. “Get that idea out of your head.”

Because it’s too close to the truth for comfort.

“Anyway, about this old co-worker of mine…” I began, but I was no storyteller; I could spend the rest of my bloody life reminiscing, but that didn’t mean I could give a recollection worth a damn. Yet I tried. Important or not, the need to tell these strangers I’ve shared light meals with tugged at me. “What you have to understand is that many of us shared a bond together. Despite the fact we’d always have our jobs at different places from one another and although sometimes we’d be asked to work as a group or paired together, more often than not, we were off doing our own thing. But we still got together, whether it be at taverns, or the…” headquarters. “Office.”

I paused. Not for effect. Not for feedback. But for the simple fact that I wasn’t sure what name to give this mystery co-worker.

“So if you think of us like a grade school classroom, this co-worker, let’s call her Rhonda. Rhonda…Civic. Yeah, that works. Anyway, Rhonda would’ve been the quiet kid in the back. She kept to herself, didn’t really interact with anyone, and had a few quirks. Some odd ways of speaking. Feeling. Others picked up on it, and of course, like a grade school, she’d get teased. Others would talk about her behind her back,” kinda what I’m doing now, except how else am I supposed to talk about someone who’s no longer around?

“I’ve had situations like that,” Bernard grunted as he gave his input. “I used to operate a forklift for a pet food company. Me an’ the boys would shoot the shit when the manager wasn’t watchin’. Most of us, ‘nyway. There was this youngish guy, flannel shirt and overalls. Same attire every day. Didn’t know how he got away wit’ it, but that’s what he wore. He moved bag after bag of dog food, but never once so much as said hi. Not a peep from the kid. We all thought it was weird. Anyway, he quit one day, we never found out why, and that was that. I didn’t even think much of him ‘til you mentioned somethin’.”

“Yeah, it was the same for me,” I replied, and I looked up at the clouds in the sky. “Funny that, I didn’t think much of her back when I worked for that company and now out of the blue someone mistook me for her and it was like, ‘oh yeah…’”

“What about you, Wendy? You’re always off on your own at night, going at it with your projects,” he countered.

“We all have our eccentricities,” I concurred. “I’m also not much for conversation, either, most of the time, but I still enjoy the company of others. If for nothing else than the spectacle.”

It was far too early in the morning, but how I wished to have a warm cup of tea or sake in my hands so I could take little sips as I spoke.

“I never thought anyone outside of the company ever knew her, be it an old friend or an old enemy,” I carried on, unsure if I had any conclusion to this or if it was just early morning rambling.

“What? You think she had enemies?” Otis spat and I could swear that bits of chocolate just flew right by me.

“That’s the thing: I don’t know. There wasn’t really anything I knew about her apart from I heard. Sure, I watched her a few times, but that didn’t tell me much. Whether she had friends or enemies, I could never tell. When I think back on it, I wish I did know. That I had tried to find out more. But it’s kind of that whole ‘you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone’ type of thing. Then again, here she is gone, and I still don’t know what to make of it.”

“Gone?” Gloria must have taken notice of my choice of words. For the record, I didn’t know what became of her. Not any more than I knew what became of the rest of the people I once associated with. Considering that I couldn’t go back to the headquarters (not that I had any desire to return), I had to assume they were all dead and that the place was no more. It made the most sense to me.

“Yeah. Terminated. It’s funny that way, how to them we were all replaceable and they had no problem exploiting us, but even that couldn’t save them.”

“Damn if I don’t know that,” Otis bemoaned. “I have a nephew, and my nephew has a friend who was working when a sign fell on him. Broke his leg. Next thing he knew, management fired him, worker’s comp didn’t cover for his injury, and when he tried to sue, the company’s lawyers blocked him. Then, I knew this other guy who did what he was supposed to. But he got paid scraps and the stress got to him, so one day he came to work all hopped up on coke and his boss fired him on the spot. All those days of doing what he was told and scraping by, and one day was all it took for it to come crashing down. He ended up killing himself some time after that,” after those last words came a sniffle. No tears, though. Maybe it was a runny nose.

I shook my head. Sympathy and grief was a difficult thing to muster given the life I had; countless moments of killing and watching others die. Those I worked with, laughed and shared drinks with, gone at any moment. It wasn’t a case of ‘kill or be killed’, but it was a life defined by the death of others, all the same. So what I felt when Otis relayed his tales of people he knew, all I could feel was hatred and disgust. If I knew their bosses, I would have killed them on the spot.

“You okay, Wendy?” Otis’ voice of concern broke through my thoughts. How I must have stared with that same pensive look I often did when lost in thought.

“It’s just not right, though, is it?” I glanced from person to person as I asked, my question rhetorical in nature. They all shook their heads and murmured, “no” or “not at all”.

Then Bernard waved his hand away and grumbled.

“Bah! Right, wrong, who gives a damn? I’m still alive,” he retorted, then turned to his back and laid himself down over sheets of newspaper.

That was a point I was willing to consider. To some, there was a profound difference between ‘alive’ and ‘survive’, but really, he was no less alive than someone with the privilege of a roof over their head and a bed to sleep in. Food in the pantry and some form of stability. Such things were all an illusion, anyway. People get busy, food goes bad. Bills pile up, costs increase, wage stays the same. To compensate, work extra hours, sleep less. Everything comes at a price few can afford and the compromises are seldom in one’s favor. Locked into a system in which the average person is always just on the verge of homelessness, yet the state of being homeless itself was punished.

Once I had asked Bernard, “if you were given a home, would you take it?” Based on that premise some other minds had, that people such as Bernard only lived that way because they wanted to. That it’s ‘on them’ or whatever. His response? Something like, “show me something that won’t be taken from me, otherwise don’t waste my time.”

That may have sounded like, “I’m here because I want to,” but at least to me, the difference couldn’t have been any more clear.

But enough rants. I stretched my arms out and yawned, then smiled a cheeky grin.

“Well, you know what they say, duty calls,” I announced as I got up. “Time for me to go digging for cash and get myself a bite to eat.”

That was how I went about most of my day: I’d get up, chat with a few folks around the docks, walk around the city ‘til I got a bit of cash, spend it on deep dish pizza and cheap beer (the staple of Chicago), then head back to the docks, bathe in the lake water, and resume my work in the office building. One of those days I’d have working lights, and then I could get to work on giving those folks a more comfortable place to sleep at night. Something like a home. Although it was unfortunate to think that in the eyes of the law, they’d still be considered homeless. Even the most idealistic of endeavors could result in a losing battle.

Whatever actions I might have to take in the future, I focused on the agenda for the day. It was during the day in which I was neither a rumor nor a killer. Daylight meant that I was just a person. Hell, at times a superhero; case in point, an old lady gave me a few bucks after I got her cat out of a tree (yes, as cliché as it was, such a thing happened quite often). Soon after that, I headed down to Cosmo Corner (a popular downtown tavern).

It was about noon now and my favorite bartender would be in soon: Wanda. Nice young lady, all covered in tattoos. At least a dozen on each arm, when I first met her I thought she was part of a crime ring or in a street gang, but nah. Apparently on the side, she liked to paint in her studio, but that was as hardcore as she got. Oh, well, being a bartender could be hardcore too. Not everyone can handle being a bartender.

Right now it was Stickbug (no, I don’t know why he was called that, but everyone called him that. Maybe that’s just his name). Fitness guru with a pencil thin mustache who was disastrous at mixing drinks. But amiable, I’d give him that. None of the conversations he’d strike up were ever ones I was interested in having, but he didn’t have a mean word to say about anyone. Maybe that was the problem: you had to have boundaries. You couldn’t show everyone the same level of sympathy.

“Say Wendy, have you heard of the fall of Constantinople?” Stickbug asked whilst he flung glass after glass in the air and began juggling them. Upon a quick glance, I noticed that there weren’t many people at the moment. Fine enough. I guess no one would give him dirty looks. As for me, I let my head fall onto the counter, the effects of my lack of sleep setting in.

“No, I haven’t,” I replied.

“D’ya wanna hear about it?” He continued to ask, and I already knew how insistent he could be with his topics.

“No,” I told him, to no avail.

“Okay, so we’ve got this city named Istanbul and…” he began, but it didn’t take long for my thoughts to drown out anything else he said.

Why couldn’t I have come in just a little bit later? No, it’s not bad. I could learn things if I listen, I’m just not in the mood to do so. I just want to eat and drink and...oh. Oh my. This must be what Rhea had to deal with all the time...wanting to order food, but never wanting to socialize. Not to mention how anxious she seemed to be in any situation that didn’t have to do with violence. Girl could kick ass but had trouble ordering a sandwich at a sub shop. Not to mention the general bodily discomfort she apparently dealt with.

‘I, and I cannot stressed this enough, am stressed’ I imagine she must have said at one point or another. Seemed to fit, anyway. That, or ‘I, and I cannot stress this enough, need a sweater’ or a blanket. Ugh. Why am I thinking of some weirdo who had such a minuscule presence in my life? Could it have to do with that woman last night? Yeah, probably. Well, a name’s a name. It could have been anyone named ‘Rhea’. Hell, the one I’m thinking of used a different name for each person she met, so I doubt anyone would know her by that name. Probably something else instead, like Sharpay D. Em.

Anyway, I ought to be thinking of more important things. Like the fact that the woman last night wanted to kill me. First of all, couldn’t she have waited? I was busy and I don’t really like being interrupted from my work. All I’m asking for is some fair warning and furthermore –

“...And that is why if you suspect you have a mouse in your home, you should leave a piece of cheese on the floor overnight,” Stickbug seemed to have concluded his little history lesson, except I must have missed many steps, because I wasn’t really sure how we got there.

“Wait, what?” I lifted my head and asked with a dull expression planted on my face.

“Want me to start all over?” He beamed, and I’m sure he could have talked all day and night if someone let him.

“How about later? Isn’t your shift over soon?” I reminded him with a slight sense of pride.

“Oh yeah! You’re right! So glad I got someone to remind me! Otherwise I’d be here all day!”

And nobody wants that. Hell, I don’t even think you’d want that.

“Before you go, I may as well order, seeing as I haven’t done that yet.”

“Oh no!” He gasped. “I hope you haven’t been hungry!”

Funny to think that his concern is real and not sarcasm.

“In fact, I am hungry right now,” I corrected him. “By the way, I’ll get my usual: pepperoni and spinach, large.”

“Right on!” I handed him the cash I had gotten from that old lady earlier. I still had some left over for sake, but I wanted to wait until Wanda got in.

I wonder what kind of food that woman from last night likes to eat. I feel like she’d eat chicken legs and large chunks of steaks. Just, a lot of steak. You know, why am I wondering such a thing? I’ve got better things to think about.

About five minutes later and a glass of water downed, Stickbug waved goodbye. In his place came Wanda with a bandanna over her head and covered in sweat which ran down her face.

“Intense painting session?” I asked.

She wiped her forehead and huffed.

“You know it. Were you waiting for me?”

“Heh,” I flashed her a smile. “It’s just not the same with Stickbug.” Really, how did that name come about? I think he said his name was Steven once, but I’ll be damned if I can remember.

“Is that so?” She asked, then went to the back to put her stuff away and get settled in. About the same time she came back out, the pizza arrived as well.

I took a heaping slice as layer upon layer of cheese and bits of spinach fell off of the pizza and back down onto the plate, unable to sustain itself on the thick cake of dough. Upon taking a large bite, my mouth was filled with the warm and gooey taste along with the combination of squishy spinach and savory pepperoni. One strong gulp later, and I was ready to take a drink. Next to me was my cup of sake, and when I looked up, Wanda winked.

“By the way, someone came in last night asking about any abandoned buildings,” Wanda mentioned as I sipped my cup of sake.

“Oh yeah?” I hummed, which came out more like a “mm-hmm.”

“Yeah. I just told her about the office building you’ve been hanging out in.”

I spat out my drink. Some might have gotten on her apron, but that was her problem, not mine.

“What did you do that for?! I don’t want people coming in and interrupting me while I’m working!”

Then I thought it over.

“Say, what did she look like?”

She put her finger on her chin and looked up.

“Hmm...big and muscular, brown poofy hair.”

Ugh. Yeah.

“Oh yeah. She came by and visited. Tried to kill me,” I replied, almost nonchalant about the whole ordeal, despite how much it had been on my mind.

“What? Are you serious?” She balked.

I shrugged and took another bite of my pizza.

“Yeah, but she wasn’t hard to deal with or anything.”

My main concern was why she was there at all. It’s not that I never expected anyone to come after me, especially when I all but deserted my job. But when no one came, I just expected that I was free and I could live out my life as I pleased.

“Jeez, did you kill her?” She accused. Rather baseless, too.

“No,” I scoffed. “I just sent her back home. Don’t know why she went after me, either.”

“Look, Wendy, I know you’ve killed people. Can’t really say I didn’t see something like this coming.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong: I get why, I just don’t get why, y’know?”

She shook her head.

“It’s like, she said there was a request for my death. She didn’t even know who I was, she mistook me for someone else. What I don’t get is why, rather, how such a request came about. Like, someone knows about me, but is sending people who don’t know about me to do the job.”

“Well, do you know what the request says?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Then maybe whoever made it didn’t know who you were either, but noticed some things around the area.”

“Yeah, maybe.” It was all too possible I was overthinking things. But when it came to things like that, a fair deal of suspicion was necessary. “Whatever the case, if such a request like that is out there, then I doubt the person last night will be the only one.

“It’s kind of an open secret among the circle you talk to that you’re the one behind the murder of those cops. I don’t blame you, plenty of people around here don’t like the police and I really do wish you well, but most people don’t have the privilege to do what you do. Most people don’t have the ability to murder those they see as committing an injustice. Not only that, but most people don’t have confidantes that would be willing to keep their secret. You know why?”

Great. Just what I wanted while I was at the bar with some good food and drinks: a lecture.

“If you’re going to tell me because it’s illegal, I’m going to argue that it’s only illegal if you don’t have a badge and a uniform. Most serial killers are the ones who are hired by the state and demand your respect.”

Her face lowered and she turned from me.

“Yeah, I get it. I’m not saying I disagree, just that the average person isn’t capable of doing such things, even if they wanted to. Even if they ignored the legality, it doesn’t matter. Just as you said, you’ve got got hordes willing to kill whoever they see fit without consequence, decked in highly-militarized outfits and weapons. Their numbers are too great, their power is too great, and if you even show the least bit resistance, they’ll throw in the rest of the military alongside them. So the best most of us can ask for is to avoid them as much as possible. But here you go, picking off anyone who rubs you the wrong way and not only do you manage to sneak on by and keep going, but it’s like you boast about it, too.”

“I don’t boast – I never said I enjoy it.”

“No, that’s not what I mean, sorry.”

“But you’re right: I am very fortunate. In the past, I’ve evaded my demise and have slaughtered entire armies that wished to pursue me. I’m not saying that to boast, though it is quite a feat, I admit. I’ve had a long life, a storied and bloody past, and I really wish I could stay out of trouble, but I just can’t seem to help myself. Old habits, I guess.”

“You’re not that old, are you? You don’t look much over thirty.”

I managed a chuckle.

“Would you believe me if I said I was well over five hundred years old?”

“Quit joking around.”

It’s not exactly wrong. I was born sometime early in the Sengoku period, but time travel sure does let you skip ahead a few years. There’s no way I could explain something like that, though.

“Let’s just say I’ve got a good skincare routine.”

That time, I was joking. There’s no way in hell that bathing in Lake Michigan would preserve your youth.

“Either way, I’m used to not sticking around places for very long. If things get too hot, I’ll leave town. So don’t worry about me,” I assured Wanda.

“I’d like it if it wouldn’t have to come to that,” she replied. “You’re a good customer, and make for good conversation.”

Well, I couldn’t say I wasn’t flattered, but hopefully she wouldn’t hold it against me if I did decide to ditch this place, reside elsewhere and try to lay low. Eventually I would have liked to settle down and be an old lady. Maybe knit sweaters in my spare time, or get a dog and a garden. Become the friendly old lady in the neighborhood that no one knows anything about.

None of that was likely. People like me weren’t meant to last long. As far as age went, I was already pushing it and as far as I knew, I really wasn’t much over thirty. It was just hard to tell where in my thirties, since my concept of time has been all screwed up.

I left the bar soon after. Despite my enjoyment of Wanda’s presence, my head just wasn’t as much in it as I thought it would be. So, still middle of the day, I returned to the docks, ready to get back to work.

I still don’t have the solution. Not enough power. Every time I think I’ve got a spark, it only lights one area. What I need is a lightning rod. Maybe I could stand one of my swords up to the roof to collect electricity. Or antennae. No. That still wouldn’t be enough, not without the right circuitry and places to send the electricity to. There’s more than one component and I can’t just do one without the other. If I’m lucky, there might be some generators downstairs I haven’t discovered. But even if I have to steal or build power generators, I want to give these places a semblance of a home. Some place to rest.

But even if I’m successful, it still wouldn’t be legal for them to reside there. What would I do, then? Fight off a whole force? Or would I run with the knowledge that I would be outnumbered? When I consider the eventual outcome, it was a futile effort and good intentions will only get me so far.

I shook my head as I entered the darkened building through an opening with a loose board. If that woman had been more attentive, she would have seen that not all of those boards were as well covered, and one of them actually served as a door.

Inside, an absence of light. I reached to my right and grabbed my helmet and katana which lay on top of a tall cabinet.

Upon placing the helmet on my head, I had a much clearer view of my surroundings. The infrared visor on my helmet allowed me to see in the dark, albeit some objects showed up blurry.

Outside, it was still light. Dusk wasn’t expected for another few hours. In other words, I had time. I could do my work in peace, take a little nap, not worry about anything. If no one was going to come after me until well after dark, then I could prepare.

So I did just that; I patrolled the area, climbed up each floor, checked out each room, then headed back down to the first floor. All around the first floor I searched for a hatch or a door, a flight of stairs, something that would lead to a basement. No such luck. It seemed that there were no passages, hidden or otherwise. No basement. No generators.

Maybe that’s what I’ll have to resort to. I’ll have to dig out a basement, fill it with concrete, get some generators built or setup...argh! Why is it so hard to get this going? I should just tell everyone, “sorry guys, I know I hate to make false promises, but looks like I just set my sights too high!”

I sunk down to the floor along a wall, right next to a door which would have led to someone’s office.

“Who am I kidding? It’ll be a miracle if I don’t leave before I get the chance to figure this out.”

I leaned my head over and soon felt the weight of the darkness creep up on me as it guided me to a gentle sleep.

When I awoke, I brought myself up to my feet and decided to climb up the many flight of stairs once more.

If I’m lucky, I’d like to at least get the elevator working. Something.

Short rests were all that were ever afforded to me. If I had gotten three hours or more, that was oversleep for me. With the way my body operated, perhaps adapted, I never worried myself with dreams. On the rare occasion where I had a dream, they were brief windows, photographs, still frames cascading down. Images of being beheaded. Of watching my head roll down into a river. Typical things like that. Such things weren’t memories, but just reminders of what should have been long ago.

Never mind. Several flights later, I saw the bits of collapsed roof on the floor. Above, the glow of the moon illuminated the floor. It was the only source of light I was afforded, save for the helmet.

So I see. It’s evening now.

“Damn, couldn’t she have found a different way in other than breaking down the roof? Now I’m going to have to repair that as well…”

If another came after me, I really hoped they wouldn’t drop down from the roof. That would make things too easy for me.

I’m going to consider that it’s still too early for something like that. Not that I have a watch or a phone, but I doubt it’s been night for very long. I just can’t imagine anyone attacking me until late into the night. Any time earlier and it would just be rude.

Just like the night before, I went down to where the top of the elevator was, along with the open panel in the wall. If I had to start somewhere, I figured I’d get done what I could. That was, if I could get anything done at all.

So as I crouched down and got to work, my helmet lifted as I did so. I struck a match and held it between my lips as I worked, plucking it out every now and then to help bind the wires together. There were two wires left with just a little bit of juice. I pulled out a pair of rubber gloves, then held the two wires together and rubbed them; as soon as there was a spark, I used the flame from the match to bind them together. Behind me, a couple rooms away, a light turned on.

Now let’s hope it stays on. Which reminds me: I need to get new light bulbs.

One day, if I ever got (or built) a generator and a basement to place it in, I would test the breaker board. It would be a beautiful sight if one day the whole building could light up. Even as it was, the light from the room remained and leaked out. I was impressed to see that it had stayed on.

Now if I flick the switch off, then on again, will it turn back on?

As I turned to work on the elevator, I was stopped in my place when I heard a thump in the distance. It could have been nothing. Those pipes were old, after all. The vents too.

But even if it was nothing, I had to check it out.

Down one flight of stairs, the sound of movement and creaks against the vents could be heard.

Could it be that I��ve got a guest?

That same sound continued in little spurts. Less noise, but still there. Unavoidable. I could tell, there was movement of some kind. Rat, pebble, raccoon, or a person. Further down the hallway, the sound grew closer, more pronounced. Little shimmies and brushes. Metallic clangs.

I stood in place as the sound seemed to be just above my head. I took off my helmet. No need for it.

“I know you’re up there,” I announced.

Silence. No more movement. Nothing.

Seconds went by. Still nothing.

Stillness passed through the air, and so I had no choice but to accept that I may have just been hearing the old building making noises.

I let out a heavy sigh. Defeat. So soon, too.

“Guess I was just hearing things. I’ll head back now.”

Still no sound of movement. How disappointing. I unsheathed my sword and flashed a toothy smile.

“...Just kidding,” I said before I plunged my katana into the vent and sliced the thing in half.

If there had been a person, or just a rat, surely they felt that.

As I did so, the noise of steel against steel, the grating being slashed apart couldn’t mask the undeniable sound of movement heading backward.

I held my katana up and dragged it against the ceiling as I walked toward the sound of someone retreating from within the vents.

Around the corner, I heard a drop, and the hard tap of a shoe against the floor.

So it was a person. And I missed. I really must be losing my touch.

As I approached, someone small and frail looking peeked out from the corner and threw a knife my way. I caught it between my fingertips and just as fast, threw it back. In a panic, the intruder let out a squeak and ducked back behind the corner, then picked up their knife and ran.

“Were you thinking you could kill me with that? Or were you planning on me blocking it, then running toward me with another knife, the thrown knife being a distraction?” My smile grew wider, almost a grin. It didn’t take much to know their strategy; too many times I’ve dealt with similar tactics. Smart, but amateurish.

Does this person really think they stand more of a chance than the person last night? Or are they just expecting to run around like this is some endurance test?

I wasn’t about to let them experience such a luxury. I ran after and watched as they almost got behind the door to an adjacent room, but before they could do so, I grabbed their wrist and held on tight. Once I pulled them forward, closer to me, it turned out the intruder was a young woman with wavy, green hair.

With my other hand, I raised my knife and readied myself to slice down against her arm.

She scowled, then with her free arm reached for my wrist to free herself. Before she could puncture me, I swung my blade down, at the same time let go of her wrist. Just in time, she jumped out of the way. I turned to make a quick slash, but she blocked it with her knife. Such a measly thing. All I had to do was push harder and it began to show little cracks.

She let go and jumped out of the way again.

“Nimble one, aren’t you?” I observed. Then she charged, but I moved out of the way. She tried to slash with her knife from the side, but I blocked it with my blade, then let go and kicked her to the floor.

Short on breath, she picked herself up. So far all of her efforts, while quick-witted, had been feeble at best.

“Let me ask you this: why do you want to kill me? Is there money involved?”

“I...I don’t want to kill you. That’s...that’s not why I came here,” she spoke, her voice rough, but high in pitch and she fixed her gaze on me as she tried to recover her breath.

“Then why?”

“I want to know who you are,” she answered.

That was such a ridiculous answer. But at least it was some kind of answer.

“I’m a serial killer,” I replied through my teeth. “I leave a trail of bodies in my wake. Sliced open, stabbed through the chest. Cut to ribbons. Does that answer your question?”

Her face turned to shock and she took a step back, but shook her head.

“No, I already knew that much from the request.”

“That again. The request to kill me, correct?”

She gave a nod.

“But I would rather not have to try. Not if you’re anything like who Sunny thought you were.”

“Sunny?”

“The one who tried to kill you last night and got herself beat real good. She thought you were –” I stopped her.

“Rhea?” I asked.

Another nod.

“What was so special about that name? There’s probably plenty of people in this city with that name.”

“Yes. And I looked up every single person with that name in Chicago. There were a lot more names than I thought, and not all of them were happy about receiving a phone call from a stranger.”

…

“Are you a dunce? Did you really?”

“Yes.”

I snorted. I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of someone actually doing that. I sunk down to the wall and sat.

“Sit,” I commanded. “And if you try anything funny, I will kill you.”

Wordless, she crouched down and sat against the wall across from me.

“So what does that name mean to you?” I questioned.

“Nothing. But it means plenty to a few of the people around me. Rhea Flection, they call her. Apparently she was both feared and admired. Some people want her dead, or revenge on her, others just seem to wish they could see her in action. My cousin and her wife were apparently one of her targets. Someone I admire apparently worked in the same company as her. Says that she died. Yet all these other people keep bringing her up.”

Damn. That name. So it really was the same one that I knew.

“Heh,” I leaned my head back. Absurd as it was, I not only stopped the fight, but also let my guard down. “I wonder if I’ll have my own fan club as well when I die.”

“I take it to mean that you’re not her?” She asked, something which I would have thought was obvious.

“You mean that socially awkward iceberg? No. I’m not her.”

“Iceberg?” She tilted her head, which made me wonder just how much she actually knew.

“You’d have to have been there.”

“So I take it you knew her?”

“Yes. We worked in the same company. But that’s ancient history. For the record, I’m Wendy Day. You?”

“Demetria. What kind of name is that, by the way?”

“I picked it out because I wanted an English sounding name, and it sounds like ‘windy day’. Not very clever, I know. I used to be called Mizue Soyokaze, but I threw that name away long ago, along with the rest of my younger self.”

“Cool. Lore. Can I sit next to you?” She asked, rather sudden, too.

“Go ahead. But I’ll remind you not to get any ideas.”

She got up and as she approached me, she looked away, ashamed or uneasy.

“I probably should have tried to kill you, seeing as I don’t want you to go around killing people, but I was more focused on getting some kind of answers,” she said as she sat down. Then turned away from me. I took it to mean she was shy.

“You don’t want me to go around killing people?” I scoffed. “I don’t want me to go around killing people. I’ve tried to put this life behind me, not get myself into trouble, but then I see others do things that I just can’t abide by.”

“Like what?” She asked, and her voice quivered. If only I had dragged out the battle, maybe she would have shown more bravery.

“Sexual abusers, for starters, but that should be obvious. Then there’s people like landlords and debt collectors who couldn’t care less if they let others die in the name of money. Greedy fucks all around. Still, I can’t catch everyone out there, only the ones that I see. Even then, I try not to let my blood boil, not let it get to me. I try to sit by, abide by the law, but then I witness a child running around with a toy gun with his best friend playing some kind of game, like cops and robbers. Then an actual cop comes and shoots the kid dead, a cruel irony. Said cop walks off, no remorse or recourse, all the while that kid just wanted to play and now their life ended. That I can’t abide by.”

“Wow,” she mouthed.

“But, in case you start thinking I’m some savior, acting only in the name of justice, let me remind you that I’m a murderer and violence is what I know. If anything, I find excuses to take lives, not unlike some of the people I so despise. It’s not even so much a craving or an addiction, but I don’t think this world will ever grow kind, and neither will I.”

“But why did you ever start?”

“Because,” I began. I had to pause, and I thought to myself, wait. Am I really going to go through my life story with a stranger I assumed wanted to kill me? Fuck it. I’m doing this. “I’m all too familiar with authority abusing their power. Back in my old life, when I was young and still had a family, there was a high ranking member of society who was found dead, a puncture wound through their chest. I was blamed for it, an unassuming girl who stayed home all the time and helped out with her family. But once I was accused, that same family disowned me, regardless of whether or not I had actually committed such a thing.”

“Did you?”

“No. But that didn’t matter, I was just a commoner, so my word didn’t mean much, and there was less proof that I didn’t than proof that I did, even if either way was inconclusive. Regardless, I was set to be executed; beheaded, actually. Two men with swords beside me, one in front. All against my throat. However, I managed to fight back and steal the two men’s swords, then cut them all down. After that, I hid out in an abandoned shack. Later on, I found out who the real killer had been and killed him myself. After, I fled. That didn’t stop me from being pursued, but I cut anyone down who dared to try.”

“That’s kinda badass,” she commented. I had to stop her right there.

“No, just bad. My life should have ended that day, as the person I am now was the person I was once accused of being. But no matter how many close calls I’ve had, I’m still here, like some kind of cockroach.”

“And your company?” She asked, and I knew where her real focus was.

“They picked me up a few years back, though in my mind it was centuries ago. They told me that they could offer me protection, be paid to take out those who would abuse their authority. By then, I knew it was only a matter of time, with whole armadas after me. So I accepted.”

“I see.”

“Do you know what we did in that company?” I pondered.

“I get the gist of it. It’s unpleasant, but I can’t just fault everyone when I don’t know them.”

“Huh. Interesting answer.”

I stared down at my blade, then sheathed it. It had been a while, but not unheard of, since I just...sat next to a would-be victim and heard them out. I kind of missed it, as often when it did happen, I would end up sparing said person and coming to a better understanding of them.

“Say, back when you worked there, did you know of someone named Remora?” She asked again.

Remora...Remora...does that ring any bells? No, I don’t think it does.

“No, sorry,” I replied.

“Uh...shivers a lot, always cold, doesn’t understand people well. Looks kind of like you, except not really. I mean, your guys’ faces and hair is totally different.”

“Oh, you mean Rhea,” I corrected, as there was no other person I could think of who was like that.

“No, no. Her name’s Remora. She says she knew of Rhea, but was never in the same place as her.”

Hmm...that was a curious thing, all right.

“Sorry, but I don’t think there was anyone named Remora, but you definitely described Rhea. One time, we were all at the bar, and she ordered a screwdriver. So I watched as she sat alone at a table and she pulled out an actual screwdriver. I watched her lick the screw driver, make a disgusted face, then looked around to make sure no one saw her. But I saw everything.”

“Is there a difference in taste?” Demetria asked, and I really had to wonder how someone so dense could exist.

“That’s not the point. The point is that she may have been this serious person who wanted to be left alone, but she was also just a total oddball. Even her attempts to be serious could be odd sometimes. Like one time, she tried to do this verbal takedown on a guy named Douglas Fir by listing out all his negative traits in alphabetical order.”

“I don’t think I could do that, but then again sometimes I wonder if I’m dyslexic,” she replied. Again, not the point.

“Whatever the case may be, I didn’t really think of her that much at the time, other than a few notable occurrences, but looking back, I kinda miss her. Then again, I miss most everyone in that company. Save the really shitty ones, but that’s neither here nor there. I know we were all eccentric amoral people, but it was like a community to me, and it felt like the closest thing I had to a home at the time.”

Really, I could reminisce for days.

“There was this other woman, Aurora B, and I suppose her, Rhea, and I could’ve been a ‘dream team’ except if put in a group, one of us would have killed the other two rather fast, thus negating the need for a group. Aurora because she wouldn’t be able to get us all to cooperate, Rhea because she prefers to work alone and would probably use her teammates as bait, and I’d probably notice something about the both of them that wouldn’t sit right with me and decide they’re both scum. Still, the idea is fun.”

“Wait, Aurora B? There’s an Aurora B in the arctic! She’s got a train and a band of thieves! I stabbed her and she robbed the restaurant I worked at!��

I blinked, then burst into laughter.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! There’s a version of her in this timeline and I bet she’s still just as rowdy! Oh, that must be fun!”

“What? Version of? This timeline?” She seemed confused.

“Yeah, like, you know, time travel and all that. Multiple universes, multiple versions of the same person.” I was surprised she knew about the company and yet didn’t know about that.

“I never considered that…” she muttered, then got up. “I think I’ll take off now. Thank you for that.”

“What? Already?”

“Yeah, I’ll just say that you were too strong for me and leave it at that.”

“Well if that’s all you needed, you should’ve just come by in the daytime. We could’ve had a nice chat over pizza.”

She waved goodbye, as if I wasn’t some dangerous force of nature, and I continued to sit and shake my head.

“I must be getting soft. First I injured someone rather than killed them, then I let the second person just walk away unscathed, and we had a nice little chat. I’m betting the third person who comes by I’ll end up buying them a drink.”

I couldn’t help but imagine the insanity of it all. My howls and laughter echoed through the almost empty building.

Once I calmed myself down, I stared up at the ceiling. How I wished I could fix up the place. Now I had to fix up the vents as well. There was always one more problem.

“What about you?” I addressed my last guest of the evening. “Have you come to kill me or just to chat?”

In one of the nearby rooms, a door opened up. Soon a figure approached me, a long rifle in hand.

“I’ll be quick. I just wanted to confirm that you were who I thought you were,” replied a low, icy voice.

“What, did you stalk her? Were you listening in on the whole thing?” Whoever said guest was, I would have at least liked a knock or something.

“No to the first one. Yes to the second.”

Direct. I liked that, at least.

“So what about the gun? I take it you’re the only person so far who even stands a chance against me.”

“I’m hoping it won’t come to that.”

“Mm,” I mulled it over. “I see. So I take it you know who I am already, but that’s what bothers me. I don’t seem to know who you are.”

“Yes. I’m not sure if you ever saw me. I was never around at the same time she was. I couldn’t have been. For the most part, I was kept isolated from most everybody else. Not that I minded.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t have. So, why Remora?” I wondered. “You’ve got over a thousand different names, don’t you? Couldn’t you have started a new life with one of those?”

“It’s because...I met someone important to me the day I chose that name.”

I shrugged. “Who am I to judge? One time an old man decided to call me Trout. True story.”

It didn’t take much for me to figure out what was going on. Who I was talking to.

“So you’re an alternate version, huh?” I asked. Rhetorical, I know.

“Yes. I am younger than she was, but I went through similar things and took on missions all the same.”

“They used you like a back up, I take it. In case the main one died. Which is what happened. Doesn’t that disgust you?”

“It is what it is.”

Right. Such emotionless responses.

“In a way, though, it’s relieving. Knowing that there’s a version of her that’s still around and can experience freedom, like me.”

“I’m just a version of myself. I’m me. Not her.”

“But you do share several names and a background, yes?”

“She was irresponsible. She knew what her job was and she got tired of it, so she died. That’s all. She didn’t even have to, she just wanted to. Yet people won’t shut up about her when she was never worth the attention to begin with,” she growled, working up a rant. It seemed I actually struck something of a nerve.

“Hey, that’s my friend you’re talking about. Don’t talk about my friend that way,” I shot back.

“You two weren’t friends,” she scoffed. I wondered if that was the most mad she had been in a while.

“I just decided that we were. Seeing as she’s not alive to object, I think I can make that decision,” I gave a sly grin.

“That’s not how that works. Did you two even talk?”

I lifted up my index finger and closed my eyes.

“Once. Just once.”

“About what?”

“Some guy was bothering her and she was uncomfortable, that much I could tell. She also looked ready to break a bottle over his head, and I wasn’t really interested in a fight breaking out. I think I said something like, ‘is he bothering you, queen?’ Then pushed him aside. She looked confused, asked ‘queen?’ And I think I laughed and said not to worry about it. I remember she thanked me, and chattered her teeth while trying to sound out the words to do so. I told her not to mention it and offered to help her with anything if she ever came to me.”

“And?”

“Needless to say, she never came to me. I think when I told her that, she said something like, ‘thanks, I’ll think about it’ while turning her head from side to side, so she probably wasn’t ever going to consider it. But makes me wonder about what could’ve been. Like maybe it would’ve changed something.”

“It wouldn’t. There’s nothing you could have done. That’s just how she was,” she replied, all brisk and choppy.

“Yeah, I guess so. Still –”

“Shut up about her,” she snapped, although her voice didn’t even manage to raise all that much. I could just tell with her gestures. The shake of her fist. Everywhere shook, in fact, like it was more than just a shiver.

“It bothers you that much, huh? Is it the name, or just being reminded?” I really wasn’t trying to push any buttons. I didn’t even realize there were any buttons to push. But I guess that’s what I needed to expect, with there being differences and all.

“No. I’m not bothered. It’s just a name. Just someone who’s not around anymore. That’s just why I think people should shut up about it. That person’s gone. Gone. Poof.”

Real convincing.

“Is it because it feels like you’re constantly being compared to with another version of yourself? Or how people might see her as a superior version of you?”

I waited for a response. When I got none, I figured I hit the nail on the head.

“I’m me. Just me. I’m the only version of me there is,” she concluded. Less robotic, but still choppy. Almost downtrodden in her tone.

That’s fine as long as you believe that.

“What about that friend of yours? Demetria?”

“We’re not friends.”

“But she’s important to you, isn’t she?”

“In a way.”

“So you care about her, then?”

“No.”

“Were you worried I was going to kill her if she found me, so you followed behind?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

Oh bother. It was fun at first, but now it’s like I was talking to a child.

“That whole aloof thing you got going isn’t a very good look for you,” I lectured.

“I’m not aloof.”

“Sure Jan,” I looked over and replied. “Look, I used to be like you, so I get it. I wanted to do everything on my own and I didn’t have much to share with others. But I’ve been blessed to have met a few good people here and there. I’ve survived due in part to the kindness of others.”

“Well…” She thought it over. “I don’t want to be aloof.”

“Bark like a dog, then,” I commanded.

To my surprise, she did just that: her best impression of a dog barking, anyway. I expected more of a Shiba Inu, but instead it came out as a yip, like a Chihuahua.

I cracked up; burst into laughter. Sides split and everything.

“Now you’re a woof,” I told her.

She growled, and I was inclined to say like a dog, as well.

“I hate you, you know that?” She whined.

“Aw, but I thought you loved puns,” I teased.

Changing the subject, she went back to a topic I thought would make her uncomfortable.

“By the way, do you even know what her last job was?”

Probably referring to the R-word.

“No. I was already here doing my own thing when it happened, so I never got to find out,” I explained.

“Well, if you ever want to know, I can give you Ves’ number.”

OK. Someone I don’t know about. Not useful at all.

“Why? Is she single?”

“Stop that. She’s got a cute wife.”

“Oh? Cute?” I should’ve told her I wasn’t really interested in either, as I knew she was the type to take everything seriously. “Like Demetria?”

“She’s cute too, yes.”

“So you admitted it,” I observed.

“Objectively speaking, anyway. Besides, that’s not the point – Ves was the one who killed her. She could fill you in better than I could.”

I see. She should’ve explained that sooner. I looked over and blinked.

“I don’t have a phone.”

She stared as well, then said, “oh.”

“Well, look: I’m working at this diner in the arctic for these people named Sunny and Ray. They thought I would be fun to work with, and not, well...me,” it seemed like Remora was just trying to proposition me with something, anything. I didn’t understand why. “So if you want to sometime, you could go up there. You’re probably more what they were looking for to begin with.”

I shook my head.

“No thanks. The cold’s your thing. I’m not really tied down to a motif. Besides, I’m a homeless old bat. How do you expect me to get up there?”

“I don’t know. You’re resourceful.”

True. I couldn’t deny that bit. Before I could answer, I started to cough. Like a tickle or a scratch at the back of my throat.

I leaned over and covered my mouth with my fist. Remora looked down.

“Are you sick?”

“Why do you care?” I smiled, even as I continued to cough.

“I don’t, but if you are, I don’t want to catch anything.”

As soon as she said that, the cough went away.

“Don’t worry. It’s not something you can catch.”

“What is it, then?”

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with meso – no, it’s not that. I don’t think so, anyway.

“Sometimes a cough is just a cough. I’m getting old, anyway. I might die any day now.”

“Somehow I doubt it. You’re like a cockroach.”

“Yeah, but even cockroaches aren’t immortal,” I reminded her.

There was a moment of silence. That moment grew. Nothing more was said. Nothing more that I could recall. I soon drifted off to sleep, the silence having consumed me. In spite of the intrusions, I think I got the deepest sleep I had in a while.