#anyway idk if im going to be writing much more today bc im Tired but if i do this Will become

[magic-is-something-we-create]

buckle up besties, the next sex scene isnt happening until AFTER marika meets one of the more fucked up people in the ehlverse (the guy who collects severed ears, among other things)

[whomturgled]

yrkeby4ur8

[astrxealis]

OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM. very happy. my speech i had to give that i crammed on bcs i was really anxious about even just thinking it and i had to deliver it memorized and in front of the whole class for the first time in years? i only got. minus 1.25

[taintedcigs]

i slept with someone from corroded coffin and all i got was this stupid song written about me.

ROCKSTAR!FBOY!EDDIE X READER

summary: fooling around with a famous rockstar who's a notorious playboy sounds perfect on paper, until you catch feelings for him. that's why you decide to end things, to not get your feelings get hurt, and its all going perfectly, until eddie releases a song, written all about you.

warnings: smut, p in v, MINORS DNI!!!!, pet names, praising?, lovey dovey, kinda angst and arguments, drgs & alcohol mention, swearing? idk this is kinda cheesy n cute with a mix of fluff sprinkled honestly!

author's note: the indented parts are texts between steve and reader and thenn reader and eddie. they look confusing as fuck im sorry i just wanted to make them look unique but they look stupid. also yes. i patted myself in the back after i found this title (thank you fob). and yes the lyrics are inspired by i don't care im on a fob kick sue me! and ofc fboy!eddie isn't actually that much of a fboy bc if i can't write lovesick eddie ill die. this is super cheesy so i still struggled a lot but UGH. not proof-read ignore all mistakes

also credits to @dumplingsjinson for the prompts! (i changed them but still!) and @saradika for the dividers! pls like + rb + interact w me in anyway to support my writings!! ty!!

DINGUS sent you a spotify link. did you listen to this? yeah. its kinda romantic. no. the lyrics are insane. n all about u okay? are u at the party rn? yeah. u comin? soon he’s there too u already knew that, didn’t u?�� false accusations r rude, steve.

You click your phone off with a groan, but he was right. You couldn’t stay away from him, and maybe, just maybe, this was your way of running into him, accidentally. 

Because ever since he released the song, the tabloids had gone crazy with it, half of the lyrics screamed you and all of the old headlines pointed at you, the mystery girl Eddie used to be seen with, and you really were growing tired of seeing your name next to “Munson’s new girl.” 

Because you weren’t his new girl, you weren’t his anything. He was a cocky asshole who was good with a guitar and was even better at fucking. And that was something both of you could relate to, the only thing you had in common with him. Or, so you thought. 

But of course, as with everything else, the things between you changed, you started staying over, he started staying over, and the two of you even went on fucking dates, disguising them under ‘we were just hungry, is all.’ 

You tried to keep up the cool girl act, like you could fuck someone and not catch feelings. Every inch of you itched not to care, to act like it was all fine, but it was all fucking bullshit, you cared, so fucking much that your chest ached. The more you got to know him, the more you fell for him, and the more you fell for him, the more you realized there was no fucking way this would work. 

Cocky rockstar who spent more time doing drugs than sleeping, with girls all over him? The imaginary red flag bells rang in your ear, even now. He wasn’t looking for a relationship and you knew that. That’s why you ended it two months ago. Or at least, you started ignoring him two months ago. 

Yet, he had been calling and texting you, wanting to meet up, drunken slurs of nonsense, gibberish voicemails, and yet you never answered, because if you did, you knew you’d be back to pathetically swooning over him.

Until today, just because of that stupid song, like it meant anything. That douchebag probably wrote songs about every girl he fucked. 

You weren’t special. 

Another ding sound from your phone almost startled you, the contact name made you groan even louder. “don’t FUCKING answer.” That didn’t mean shit. It was just something stupid to make you feel better that you couldn’t stay away from him, because you knew, deep down that if you really didn’t want him to contact you, you would’ve deleted his number, and blocked him. You were too chicken shit to do that, and still desperately wanted to hear from him. 

So you settled on that contact name. Like it made a difference, like it changed anything. 

DONT FUCKING ANSWER did you listen to the song?

Don’t fucking answer. The contact name should be enough to convince yourself that.

Too late.

                                                                   no. don’t lie to me, sweetheart.                                                                            why would i lie?

You sink into the couch, a much quieter corner of the party, not even bothering to socialize. Your brows furrow, index finger flying to your lips anxiously, as you chew on it to patiently wait for an answer.

You sip on your drink with a nervous gaze on your screen, barely noticing the way the couch sink further when someone else took a seat next to you. 

“Hi.” The gravelly voice pulls your attention away from the screen, making you set your drink aside as you look up, finding yourself face-to-face with him. 

Shaggy bangs cascade onto his forehead, and with your exaggeration, it looks longer than the last time you saw him. Black jeans cladded with chains. A graphic tee messily thrown over his heavily tatted chest, that you could still imagine right about now—pathetic. He looked just about the same, the deep dimple adorning his soft cheeks had seemed to disappear, wearing a scowl instead, that tiny voice in your head told you that was your doing, that maybe he was just as miserable as you. Maybe your feelings weren’t fully one-sided.  

Shit. 

“Eddie?” Squeaky, and annoying, you were sure that’s how your tone sounded, yet he didn’t seem to comment on it.

“‘m glad you remember my name, sweetheart,” he scoffs sarcastically, leaning further into the plush couch, elbow propped at the side, eyeing you with frustration. 

“W—what the hell are you doing here?” You stutter as if you weren’t expecting to run into him. Full of bullshit. 

“Did ya really think you could ignore me forever, huh?” He tilts his head slightly, almost expectedly, earning an eye roll from you. 

“I wasn’t ignoring yo—”

Eddie tuts quickly, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that cuts through the ambient noise of the party, “I thought we said no more lies, huh?” 

With a huff, “Why are you here, Eddie?” you mumble.

“Am I not allowed to party?” He banters, brows slightly raised, making you huff out an exasperated breath, your eyes bore into him, almost to signal him ‘Take this seriously.’

“I wanted to know what you thought.” He shrugs like it was normal to just come running after everything just to know what you thought of the song. 

“The song?” He nods in confirmation.

“Didn’t like it,” you confess, avoiding his gaze, but your brows betray you, lifting ever so slightly.

He tsks, shutting you off quickly, “You see that little quirk your brow did? That only happens when you lie, you can’t help it. You do that when I ask you if you ate the last pizza slice, or when I ask if you watched the next episode of the show we were supposed to watch together, or when you—” 

“Fine, fine! I liked it,” you groan, interrupting him and suddenly standing up from the comfort of the couch, being so face-to-face with him immediately making your nerves bubble.

“Just liked?” He tilts his head slightly, a smirk curving on his lips. 

A deep sigh of breath, “what do you want, Munson?”

He stands up with you, making you back away from him with a heavy footstep, the entire party was too loud and crowded, yet, in this stupid corner, it was just the two of you. “For you to admit that you loooved the song, and how much you missed me,” he sing-songs, taking a step closer to you, musky smell invading your senses, making you take a deep breath.

Both of you stand near the wall, and it should be awkward, it should be enough to make you leave, but all it does is draw you closer to him.

“You’re annoying.” 

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I wasn’t avoiding—” He tuts, with his stupid index finger up, rejecting your lie.

“I—I don’t know what you expected.” You shrug, so nonchalantly that his gaze narrows, chest aching with the implications of your words.

“We both knew this wouldn’t last forever, didn’t we?” You chew the inside of your lip to stop those tears that had been begging to flow ever since you listened to the song, wiping off that smirk on Eddie’s lips. 

“Would’ve been nice if I got a reminder, and not have been just fully ghosted, huh?” The brunette grumbles with a downturn of his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“Oh, don’t act all high and mighty, isn’t that what you do all the fucking time?” you snap, gaze narrowed, and arms crossed against your chest. 

“Fuck girls and then leave them? Did it crush your ego this fucking much that I did before you could?” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” He retaliates. 

“It means I was smart enough to pull myself away from your bullshit,” you rasp, disdain written all over your face.The room seems to shrink as the distance between you decreases. 

Another step closer to you, and you didn’t realize your back had hit the wall now. “My bullshit? God, that’s fucking rich, if I seem to recall correctly sweetheart, you were in this as much as I fucking was!”

“Oh, was I?” You bark out a chuckle, cruel, mocking, “I don’t remember being okay with you fucking half the city.” Realization of how bitter and jealous that sounds, dawns on you much later than the words leave your lips, and thankfully, Eddie’s too fucking immersed to realize the double meaning of your words. 

“Are you fucking kidding? No strings attached! Non-exclusive! That’s what you fuckin’ signed up for!” His voice echoes, mirroring his frustration, and you open your mouth.

But he doesn’t let you speak further, cutting you off sharply. “Is this all because of that new guy you’re seein’?” 

“What? What guy?” 

“The one who was all over you earlier,” he bites out, jaw clenched, and you can almost taste his bitterness in the air.  

“The same one you fucked at Jeff’s party.”

“Are you stalking me, Munson?” 

“Did you just want an excuse to end things? Are the two of you serious or somethin’?” His voice wavered between anger and desperation, gaze pathetically searching for yours, to gauge your reaction.

You scoff. Did he really think you’d end things because of a stupid fling you had which in the first place occurred just so you could forget him? He was so goddamn clueless it drove you insane. 

But what you didn’t realize was that you were just as clueless, if not more, because why would he write a song all about you, if this was just about sex? Because who would get so jealous of someone they didn’t care about? 

Say my name and his in the same breath.

I dare you to say they taste the same. 

The lyrics from his stupid song swirled your thoughts, yet you were still too stupid to see it, weren’t you?

Another step closer to you, a dangerous game the two of you liked to play. He smelled alluring, a fucked up mix of nicotine, his musky cologne, and that damn leather jacket. “Do you really think, he could compare to me, sweetheart?” 

Say my name and his in the same breath.

“Tell me he’s fucking better, and he’s actually what you want, and I’ll fucking leave, I’ll bury all the other songs I wrote, tell me, and I’ll be out of your hair forever.”

I dare you to say they taste the same. 

And just like that, all the defenses you put up, all the times you ignored him, they are cracked, disappearing into thin air. You hate it, you hate that he has this effect on you, you can feel your mind getting hazier, eyes blinking rapidly to process what the fuck is going on, and his face is mere inches away from yours. You knew their names didn’t taste the same. And you knew he could never ever compare to Eddie.

“Tell me,” he encourages, dares you to. You fail to notice how much emotion his gaze carries, how the corners of his lips twitch, just at the thought of you finally admitting you don’t want him. His stomach turns at the thought, this is his last chance, he knows that, and he can’t fucking lose you. He can’t. 

And you don’t know any of that, but you knew, know that no one else could compare to him. And you hate yourself for thinking that, you hate yourself for falling for him, the world stops rotating on its axis when he’s in your peripheral vision, and it’s fucking disgusting. Pathetic. Stupid. Because you know the two of you have no chance. But here you are. 

“H—he is b—” Of course, your brow quirks up almost immediately, betraying you quicker than you can even attempt to lie. 

That dawning smirk appears on his lips again, it’s mocking, and just as much smug. You want to wipe it off of his stupidly pretty face. “Tell me,” he dares you, again. This time much cockier and confident, and you suddenly realize how small you feel under him.

“He isn’t,” your meek voice is barely audible.

And you don’t register the shaky breath he draws when the words leave your lips, giving him the confirmation he needs. You wanted him, he had no fucking clue why you ghosted him, yet you still wanted him. Just as much as he wanted you. 

Both of his hands were placed on the wall now, towering over you, making your breath get caught up in your throat. “Speak up.”

“No, fuck! You know he’s not, you know he could never fucking compare to you, you fucking know tha—” He shuts you up with a rough kiss, lips pressed against yours messily, letting the petty comments die down your throat. Because this is all he wanted, needed to hear anyway. 

“Up,” he grunts into the kiss, tapping your thighs, hoisting you up from your waist to help you wrap your legs around him, tight, he wants you at his mercy, locked to him. 

You wrap your legs around him, barely, the melty sensation in your knees making you so shaky that he barks out a laugh into your lips, holding you close, firm, the butterflies in your stomach traveling all across your body.

He lifts you up as if you are weightless, arms wrapped around you strongly as he carries you to the nearest empty bedroom, impressively without hitting your back anywhere, so roughly that your core throbs at the feeling of his arms around you.

“Baby,” he mutters as he lowers you down on the bed swiftly, smooth, gaze darkened and pupils blown wide, all the pent up desire waiting to explode. 

“Eddie,” you beg, shaky voice sounding purely angelic to his ears once he got rid of his shirt, shrugging it off with a huff, his fingertips grazing against your top, feeling your hardened nipples, causing gasps out of you, he’s quick to pull it over your head while you run your fingers up the grooves of his stomach, the tip of your fingertips almost burns everywhere you touch. 

He groans at the sight of your bare breasts, “missed thi-you,” he corrects himself, because that’s all he wanted anyways, you. 

He nips at your nipples, tongue good at giving attention to both of them, all wet and warm, making you squirm under his touch, you’re quick to get rid of everything else, leaving you in your panties, making him grunt. 

The pad of his thumb rubs against your left nipple, leaving goosebumps in its wake, while his other hand travels down your chest, then your stomach, finally drawing circles when it stops between your thighs, ghosting over your panties before he tugs them down your legs, spreading them apart with a slight hum, pupils blown so wide that you can’t admire those chocolate hues anymore. 

He visually drinks in that sight of you, laid down on the couch, eyes squeezed shut, back arched, and he hasn’t even touched you yet. You’re completely at his mercy and his chest aches with need. “So pretty like this f’me,” he coos into your chest, pushing his middle finger inside of you. Making you feel so good that you can’t stop the gasps coming out of your lips.   

Pleasure shivers through everywhere he sucks and touches, his finger eases into you when he adds another one, a moan escaping you quickly. “Need to be in here, sweetheart, d’ya have any idea how much I missed this?” 

You don’t. You don’t know about the sleepless nights, the drunken ones, the drug-induced ones in an attempt to recreate the high you gave him. It’s fucked up, it’s insanely toxic. Yet, he can’t get enough of you. 

His gaze upon you is dangerous, maybe it’s because he had missed you so goddamn much, or maybe because he didn’t know where this would lead, but it felt fucking sentimental, different somehow, and he could feel you, everywhere on his skin.

Your hips start rocking up against him when the pad of his thumb flicks over your clit, making you arch your back, whines, mumbles leaving your lips. And all he can muster is, “so goddamn beautiful, look at you whining for me.”

You can feel his bulge rub against your thigh every now and then, it’s distracting, almost agonizing. You desperately need it inside of you, you had missed him, missed his touch, missed the feeling of him filling you to the brim, you missed seeing his face contort in pleasure when he was inside of you, you wanted him to never forget you again. 

That’s why you feel so numb, can barely speak, and of course, Eddie notices, how unusually quiet you are, and he wants to make this unforgettable, just so you have another reason to come back to him. Just so you don’t leave him, just so you stay forever. 

“Gone too quiet on me, honey, tell me what you need,” he coos down at you, thumb still caressing your pussy, and all you can fucking do is chew down on your bottom lips, eyeing his bulge that was begging to get out. And he barks out a goddamn chuckle, “P—please, Eddie.” Pathetically leaves your lips. 

And normally he would make you beg, tease further, but he reaches to tug down his pants quickly, because fuck, he had missed you. And he can’t bear the thought of not being inside of you any longer. 

Thinking is not your strongest suit right now either, your brain is mushy, all the nights and days spent thinking about him, about this explodes into your body. Your pussy aches when you finally see his cock again, a sound of need leaving your lips as you eye his length, so big that pleasure ripples through you, especially when you see his gushy tip, glistening with pre-cum. 

You want every fucking inch inside of you, and Eddie’s more than ready to oblige, “What do you need, baby? Tell me.”

“Need you, Eddie,” you moan, all fucked out, his fingers slip in and out of you still, but it isn’t enough for him. He needs more, he craves your validation like he never has before. 

“God, you’re soakin’ my fingers, princess,” he grunts, wedging himself between your thighs, weeping cock drips onto your inner thighs, making you moan breathlessly. “Tell me exactly what you fuckin’ want, honey.”

“Eddie.” His name sounds like silk, even when it’s so lewd, Eddie decides, and it makes him let out an impatient huff. “P—please. Need you to fuck me.” It’s so goddamn desperate that you can feel heat rise to your cheeks, but it’s everything to him.

“Want you to fuck me like you mean it.”

“Oh, that’s easy, sweetheart,” he grunts, lining his cock through your entrance, coating himself in your slick, enjoying your mewls before he doesn’t hesitate to push his cock inside of you, inch by inch, relishing the way you cry out for him. 

Greedily, you rock your hips into him, making him let out a frustrated groan. “Have no fuckin’ idea how much I missed this greedy cunt, sweetheart, shit.” He thrusts in a few more inches, and breathless moans and babbles of his name fill the air.

“Suckin’ me right in, baby, fuck, you’re so pretty like this, mhmm.” His cock moves inside of you, and your hands are wrapped around his back, desperately clawing at it, the fullness making you want more, “you like that, baby, like bein’ full of me?” A heavy sound leaves his lips, pathetic and you pulse around him. 

“S’so good Eddie, and s’big,” you barely manage to let out, and he watches you with that burning amber gaze, thrusting all the way in without hesitation. Those plushy lips that hang open, that filthy mouth, the prettiest fucking features—you, were going to be the death of him. 

Maybe it’s because you had missed him, or maybe because you hadn’t experienced this in a long time, or fuck, maybe, just maybe that the song had created a new type of need between the two of you. Using sex as a sort of connection that the both of you desperately needed. But, shit, was it this different this time. 

He felt different—his lips, touch, skin as it slapped against yours, it was different. 

Full. You feel so fucking full that your back involuntarily arches against him, fingers clenching desperately, your screams and cries filling the room the more he plunges inside of you, deeper, hungry, and just as greedy as you. 

“Yeah, better than that asshole?” It rolls off his lips so bitter and jealous that you can barely register it. Not being used to this possessive side of him, and it’s glorious, especially when he’s pounding his frustrations and insecurities into you. 

“Mhmm, so much better.” You clawed at his back, every thrust of his hip making you feel higher and higher, mind filled with nothing but him. 

“So pretty like this when you say my name, sweetheart… so goddamn beautiful, and all mine, yea?” He wants a confirmation, and wants to hear you say it, his head ducking between your breasts again to kiss, taste, suckle them. Make sure he never forgets it. 

“Wanna hear you say it.” He hums, the vibrations reverberating through your chest straight into your core, cock plowed so deep inside of you that you can barely speak through your cries, hitting that sweet spot that every other asshole misses. 

You’re too scared to give him what he wants. But you feel him, everywhere, and you still want more, of course, you’re his. That’s all you fucking wanted anyway. Plushy lips shake as you gaze up at him, his amber hues are so sticky-sweet that you still struggle to process it, words come out in a ramble “All yours, Eddie.”

His mouth crashes onto yours roughly, desire coursing through both of your bodies, almost interconnected. “Shit, fuckin’ hell sweetheart, ‘m not gonna last long.” His thrusts are getting sloppier, yet you feel the ravaging desire coursing through your veins. 

“So perfect,” he murmurs, the kiss he lays on your lips just as relentless, not letting you breathe or think for a goddamn second, you’re so goddamn close.

And you wonder, how the fuck did you even go two months without this? Without him?

“Eddie!” You cry out once you feel the pad of his thumb rubbing against your clit, eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm washes over you. Pure bliss overtakes you while you claw at his back, his body tenses, and cock flexes as he cums inside of you, groans and curses left in your hair. 

Minutes pass of you lying next to each other, breathless, processing everything that just transpired. And you should feel guilty, embarrassed, and should run to the hills for doing this with him again. 

But you’re obsessed, addicted. He’s like an excitement that you’re sure you’ve never felt before, running through your veins, like a fucking drug. 

Both of you get dressed in silence, the party booming outside is quick to bring the two of you back to reality, and out of the trance that he pulled you in. 

He breaks your bewilderment with a slight “Fuck.” Standing on the opposite side of the bed before he fully turns to you. “This wasn’t—I was supposed to talk to you.” He mutters, fingertips anxiously running through his tousled hair.

Caught off guard and awfully curious, you mumble, “About what?”

“The song…”

“I told you I liked it.”

His brow furrows deeper, and he shakes his head in frustration. “No, that’s not it—uh, did you not listen to the lyrics?”

“I did.”

“And?”

Your face searches his for some clarity, you take a step closer to him, the distance between the two of you was still awfully much according to him. “What are you asking of me, Eddie? Did you really think one song would just solve everything?”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“W—what am I supposed to get Eddie? You wanna have your cake and eat it too! And I just can’t fucking do that, not anymore.”

“That’s—that’s not it!” His voice wavers, with urgency, and desperation in his tone. He takes a step forward, attempting to bridge the emotional gap, feeling so fucking frustrated that he wants to rip his hair out.

“Then fucking explain it to me!” You plead. 

“You want an explanation, fine! Fucking fine!” His frustration echoed through the room, pacing back and forth, making you take a deep breath. 

Was he… actually gonna do this? 

“You wanna know what the fuck I’ve been doing ever since you ghosted me?” He ran a hand through his hair, scared, gaze all mellow and vulnerable in a way you have never seen before. It makes your shoulders slump when you nod. 

“I go to those stupid Hollywood parties, meet asshole rockstars—the most interesting shit, yet somehow someway the thought of you will pop up in my mind, uncalled for, might I add, and then I can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop thinking about you the whole fucking day.” Your eyes widen, trying to absorb his revelation, yet he won’t stop rambling and you feel your chest tighten with each word, fuck, he’s finally doing it.

“I—I never—shit! I never thought myself capable of feeling things like this, but fuck, you came along, with that goddamn smile, throwing a manicured middle finger right in my face, a—and just put up with my bullshit.” His voice softened, and he couldn’t help but trace the contours of your face, to desperately know if you were on the same boat, and you look at him with such glistened eyes that his heart leaps to his stomach. 

“My world flipped upside down, and you have proven me, so goddamn wrong that I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore!” The tears almost welled in your eyes, because, fuck, there was no way this was real.  

You reached out instinctively, the corner of your mouth twitching uncontrollably. “E—Eddie, please… please stop saying things you don’t fucking mean.” 

“Things I don’t mean?” He gives you a breathy chuckle, ironic, and nowhere near funny. His eyes bore into yours, intense and searching. “Do you think I like feeling whatever the hell this is? I fucking don’t, you have me acting like someone I’m so unfamiliar with, to the point where it scares me. All I can think about is you, you, you, because you occupy every single space of my mind.” Your eyes soften, the room seemingly pulsing with his emotions, making you feel hot everywhere on your body. 

He felt the same way.

Eddie felt the same way. 

“B—but fuck I’m scared, honey, I’m so goddamn scared,” He admits, the vulnerability in his voice cutting through the tension before he’s at your side, calloused hands grabbing you by the shoulder, so softly that you melt into him.

“Because what if—what if all of this comes crashing down one day?” His voice trembles, gaze avoiding yours, he was scared, so goddamn scared of losing you. Forever. He doesn’t want that, he couldn’t afford that. 

“Just two months away from you fucking sucked. I didn’t—I don’t wanna feel these things, but you make it so hard not to.”  His forehead rests against yours, making you suck in a deep breath, it’s all so fucking sentimental, and all you wanna do this kiss him, tell him you feel the exact same way. Tell him about your fears. 

“And now I can’t fucking stop, fuck,” He confesses, admission punctuated by a frustrated sigh. 

“I wrote you a song,” he gently caresses your cheek, and you’re so scared to look up at him, to meet his tender gaze, because you know you can’t hold yourself back. 

“I came over to this party in a frenzy when I found out you’d be here,” he continued, his fingers tracing a delicate pattern along your jawline. “I—I just I haven’t even been able to touch another girl.” Your eyes snap open, you’re sure they’re almost heart-shaped now, with the adoration you look at him.

“And, do you actually fucking think I'd write songs for just anyone—” His question lingers in the air before you shut him up with a kiss, rough, sweet, and making Eddie feel dizzy all over, his head struggles to comprehend it all, breathless but he manages to react just in time.

The booming music becoming a mere background noise when he had you, mind swirling with all the possibilities and mouth begging to never stop tasting you. He wants to let you completely engulf him, feel you everywhere.

Everything he wanted and more.

He fucking hates himself for doing this, but he pulls away, mesmerized, eyes so wide that you can’t believe this is Eddie, he’s all flustered, salmon pink. And it makes a wider grin sit on your lips. “So… you—uh, what does this mean?”

You smile at him, lips widely stretching into a grin, as you shrug. “It means I feel the same, Eddie.” you admit, tone a tender reassurance. “That’s why I tried to shut you out… to try to move on, because I was scared—fuck, but I feel the same way.”

“So, does that mean we're dating now?”

“We can take things slow, figure everything out?” you mutter with a shy gaze, lips itching to twitch into a smile, again. “But I—uh—I like you, I really, really like you.”

“Gone soft on me already, sweetheart?” he mumbles with a stupid grin, making you elbow him softly, with an exaggerated playful huff. 

He’s quick to flinch, rubbing his arm as if you even delivered a powerful blow. “Ow—what the hell is wrong with you?”

“You think I’m going soft? You’re the one who wrote his feelings as an exaggerated love song!” 

He leans further slightly, his grin widening when you gave him those adorable eyes, finding you both equally amusing and endearing. “Oh… just you wait.”

You arched a brow, curiosity piqued, “What the hell does that mean?”

“The album is coming out soon, sweetheart. If you think this was an exaggeration, you should hear the whole fucking thing.”

That glint re-appears in your eyes just as quickly, gaze softening as you melt into his embrace.

“You’re an idiot, Eddie Munson.” You tease, scrunching your nose at him, so adorably that he leans down and presses a gentle kiss onto your hair.

He's an idiot, a total complete fucking idiot, but he's all yours.

[soosoosoup]

Haaayy can you tell us more about your au where branch finds cooper's egg?

Hiiii!! Thanks for asking! And of course :)

lol turns out I had a lot more thought out. Fair warning, none of this is concrete, this was thought up a while ago and uhhhhh… writing is not my strong suit lol

In this au I had debated whether to make copper a little bit younger, I already hc him as the youngest of the snack pack so idk if its needed lol.

While in the beginning of making his bunker, branch (who’s maybe 7??) would travel farther out into the forest and gather supplies to build when he stumbles on what looks like an egg? Just in time too, ‘cause Coops pops out like in twt, does his little groove, & then proceeds to flop over to nap (being baby is tiring work).

Branch is just ??? cause like what?? Baby? Way out here in the woods?? Why does the baby have 4 legs??? Why is said baby all alone? And that last part makes b pause for a sec bc where’s his family? Did he lose them? Or is it even worse…was he left behind? (He might be projecting a lil).

Cooper and Branch proceed to live where other kids w/o families go. Caretakers try to care for cooper & he is not having it. After all, branch is the first person he’d ever seen, was the first person who’d carried him. He’s imprinted on branch and whole heartedly believes and he is his family. So if C needs to be taken care of B has to be there. It goes on long enough that the caretaker decides it'll just easier if branch helped take care of him; and who knows maybe he'll regain his color being around such a happy little goober.

At first, branch doesn’t realize how much he means to C and assumes his attachment will fade. After all why wouldn’t it when he’s being doted on by warm and cheerful trolls. But nope! Whenever the caretakers aren't taking cooper around the village, Cooper is always following Branch. Around the pod, and through the woods. Branch looks out for him, talks to him, teaches him what he can, and even plays games! I think the fact that branch has been a part of Coopers whole life gives him a sense of obligation perhaps like a big brother?. It's easy to be open to him.

All attempts to foster Cooper are unsuccessful. It's not that Cooper doesn't match the family, it's that he just doesn't want to live with them. Imagine a foster family having the time of their lives singing & playing around & when the time comes Cooper's like 'I had a lot of fun today! Time to go! what?? Stay here? be a part of your family? ...Nope :D

When the time comes that the bunker can feasibly house him, (preteen?) Branch packs up what little he owns, and prepares to leave that night. It's not like the anyone at the orphanage would chase after him. Well, except for one trolling.

It's been years, long enough that their bond is strong, they're brothers in all but name. At least unnamed on branch's side, he kind of refuses to acknowledge it.

Anyway- Branch waits until everyone falls asleep and sneaks out. He doesn't even make it out of the room lol. One foot out the door and a sleepy voice is asking him where he's going. Branch just says he's going to the bunker, that he'll see him soon, it won't be forever you see what im trying to parallel? and it's true. It's not like he's leaving to who knows where. Cooper just nods & yawns out a "bye, see you later". Love me a parallel

Branch lasts an hour or two in the bunker. He's on edge the whole time, racked w/ guilt. Has a little mental spiral until there is just one loud thought of 'what am i doing? there's someone waiting for me' and runs back.

In the joined room, Cooper fell asleep on branch's bed waiting for him. So making sure not to wake him, Branch rests coopers head on his lap. Leaning against the headboard Branch just stares at his vest left at the end of the bed & has a moment of clarity. Like oh, that's why i felt terrible, i left my little brother behind. (Keep in mind that no, he didn’t really do that, but he’s a kid and that whole ‘see you later’ really shook him so he’s making some jumps in logic)(there some projecting happening as well)

So yeah, gained a brother!! yay!!! Cooper beat you to that revelation yeeaarrrss ago lol.

One thing I like about branch being a big bro is this idea that the more he learns about what it means to be one, the less he can understand his brothers. And are they his brothers?? Over the years it’s not looking like it.

[youredyingthatsallthereis]

sry i am having feelings again today

mini rant below about what is very much a personal problem that i dont blame other people for; feel free not to read

twitter has legitimately just about killed reboot soapghost for me. i'll always love 09 so much with all my gay little heart and im gonna keep playing and writing about 09 soap ghost and roach forever but my god that place has just /destroyed/ the reboot franchise for me. i can barely even stand seeing fanart of reboot ghost and/or soap anymore unless its like radically altered au content (or that super fucked up new ghost skin, that shit bangs ill give em that). i'll always love gaz as #1 and i still like gazprice and nikgazprice and korangi as ships and stuff but mfs have just like completely destroyed any enjoyment i got out of the reboot versions of soap and ghost. which sucks because i really really loved the versions of them that i created for my stripper au and honestly wanted to write about them more/again but i just like physically cannot fucking stand to interact with fan content about them anymore. even fanfic; i can't even stand reading reboot fics because i just have way too many negative feelings attached to 22 soapghost now. and it sucks bc people were so nice on my last hc post over there but i realized after a while its because they all thought it was about the reboot characters and not 09 (which 09 was my intention in my head, because to me everything is always about the 09 characters). someone even drew an adorable sketch of the scene and it was so cute and i love it and it was so sweet of them and i told them as such but that was what made me realize people thought it was about 22 and not 09 ghoap because i didnt specify that it was an au about capt mactavish and lt riley. which like is fine cause its good to interpret open ended media in the way you like best, but i just. idk i'm just so tired of the way the reboots are treated over there (which is MY PROBLEM, everyone is COMPLETELY entitled to interact with media HOWEVER THEY WANT! it is *MY* JOB TO NOT LOOK IF I DONT LIKE IT! WHICH IS WHY IM GOING TO STOP LOOKING!) and i also just (and this is really really stupid) got super pissed off about something i saw somebody do which again is just me getting mad about something pointless and that's completely on me but it sucks bc so many people over there have been so freakin nice to me and its like i wanna interact with people and be nice but i just cannot go on that fucking platform more than like once a goddamn week without ending up super fucking angry about something or other.

anyway this is all just personal stuff that is ON ME to stop interacting with because i dont like it, im not so immature i think anyone else needs to stop doing whatever they want to do, but this is my blog so sometimes im gonna use it to be mad about stuff i dont feel like i can talk to people about because its just really petty personal problems.

[popponn]

hehe popon !!! i'm like trying my best to keep my eyes open bc i am v tired 😞 so i am apologising in advance if there are any grammatical mistakes in this chunk of text 🤞🏻😸 but hi lovely:

WISHING U A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POPON !!!! i not sure whether it's like ur birth date where u live yet, but it is for me, so i hope this mssg is on time ! but happy birthday to one of the cutest, cleverest and sweetest yoichi kissers in the world 🫶🏻😽 isagi loves u sm and giggles and kicks his legs when u post him on ur blog (real. bro told me and i was "damn yoichi 🤨")

on my friends' birthdays, i usually write a letter and give them my thanks for a number of things. and i think the number one thing i wanna say "thank u" to u for is definitely our interactions <3 u have always been friendly to everyone who interacts w u, including me, and i reckon i'm rly lucky to met u this year !!! u're a kind soul w a lot of love to give, and i think that's why we all love u sm !!! and i'm super thankful for all the times u've visited my inbox/mssges 🫶🏻🫶🏻 it makes me happy hehe

i must also mention that i am so thankful that i was able to find "coincidences and flickers" one fateful day,, like that series has the potential to forever change me as a person and even make me become a temporary isagi kisser (never forgetting who i am 😤) <33 it was that series that helped me find ur blog and realise the insane amount of talent u have for writing !! my favourite writers on this platform often changes (sometimes it's a, or sometimes it's b), but i think u have a fixed position up there <3 i truly adore u and the way u write, so thank u for all the works u post 🫂 it's such an honour to be mutuals w a v skilled writer

i also wanna thank u for all the reblogs u make on everyone's works <3 when u reblog my fics w a bunch of tags, it truly makes me feel like that the effort i have put in didn't go to waste bc there was someone who appreciated what i wrote. also like,, the quality of my writing often fluctuates (😞💔), but u reblog them anyways, and i will ALWAYS thank u for that !! i love uuu (⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ🫂💞

oh, and, thank u for constantly feeding my reo delusions 😸😸 not sure if i'd love him the same without u telling me that reo loves me too lol 😽🧎🏻‍♀️

i do hope that everything will treat u nicely today !!! and every other day bc u deserve it <33 eat cake, laugh w friends and mb be silly for a little while—u're not a grandma yet, so have fun being in ur twenties, popon !!!!

love u always 🫶🏻☹️

(i hope u like words bc this was a bit of a read lmao)

SAKI IM SOBBINGGG???????? WHATT????? D: JESUS I WILL BE WORDY TOO!! HOW DARE U MAKE ME ALL SOFTTTT thank u so much for typing all this despite being very tired omg ;;;; im gonna bawl mom im so glad i meet saki the sweetest adgudk (also...my grammar is also a mess i hope this shall be forgiven as i am sincere ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡))

it already is!! :">> thank u for remembering it bae :""" and omg yoichi did all that? i get even more in love :(( pls tell yoichi i also kick and giggle when he breathes :(( AND HEY YOU ARE OVERPRAISING ME WHAT IF MY HEAD GET BIG [ahjussi voice]

saki :(((( im also very thankful i get to meet you this year ue ue ue ;;; i never thought i will ever talk to you (or anyone here at all tbh sksk) like i was very shy and hesitate a lot, but then you are there?? being so sweet friendly and welcoming ;;; like you are one of the reasons i'm here and i mean it??? like you are one of the person who gave me courage to be more friendly here too hehe <3 im so glad i meet someone as kind you saki <3

im gonna start blushing and bawling fr now. IM SO GLAD I MAKE THAT SERIESS ;;;;; (CHAPTER WILL COME SOON TRUST!!) hdfkdj idk what to say here before sounding like a madman so uh ;;;; pls know that i was so happy too when u commented and reblogged so positively ;;;;;;; ghjk saki your praises i think i read them over and over girly u r too sweet for me sometimes ;;;;;; ♡( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

okay channeling my coolness energy a bit, saki 🫵i like your writing GENUINELY!!! okay! so im glad you like the madman ramblings in the tags :>> and come on buddy fic writer to fic writer, it would be impossible to like everything we write SKSKSK remember that one time i immediately lose it after posting that rin studying fic. sigh. stupid ass me. BUT YOU AND EVERYONE WERE THERE AND IT SERVED ITS PURPOSE HOHOHO SO I TOO FEEL IT WASNT A WASTE HEHEHEHE

and i will keep feeding ur delusion get ready (❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡ also quick mention real quick your cats are cool sunglasses or not

THANK YOU FOR THE WISHES SAKIII!!! omg :((( thank you so much for?? writing all these gosh uhuhuu i will reread this over and over again a lot of times today hehe (no matter how busy and hard it is to open tumblr today!!!) this make my day so much ;;;;;; uhuhuhu and aw <3 i will!!! i wanna make a grandma joke again but for today i will spare saki uwu

i love you always too!!!! 🫶🏻😤

[ghosttotheparty]

another vent bc the universe is testing me lately (cw disordered eating and just general negativity bc i’m going through it)

i am so anxious!!! i’ve been taking my meds!!! but my third year starts this month and idk wtf i’m doing w my life!!

why am i studying art i don’t even have a consistent art style; but i don’t have ANYTHING else i could possible do

my gender is going bonkers and i wanna kinda transition but i just want to be more androgynous but idk how i could do that and i’m not even out to my parents and idk if i ever will be bc my dad is Not an ally to trans ppl but i love him so much and he loves me so much but idk if he’d still love me the same if i came out to him

there’s drama in my friend group and two of my close friends aren’t friends anymore and it’s been a while coming but it still sucks and idk what to do bc i love them both sm but i am so on one side bc the other is so in the wrong but idk how to tell her without her getting mad

i still haven’t made an appt to see the surgeon ab my cyst and im so anxious ab it bc i hate medical things and it’s been making my arm sore (which happens when i think ab needles usually but it hasn’t happened in a while and i hate the sensation so much it’s so fucking scary)

my psychiatrist hasn’t responded to me email bc a prescription bc i’m almost out of one of the pills i take and im stressed

i think i’ve gained weight and i’m trying so hard to not be upset and to be neutral ab my body and how i look but my new apartment has a full size mirror and i can’t help but analyze myself in it; i changed my outfit three times today bc i hated how i looked in two different pairs of pants (one of them i wear fairly often and now i never want to wear them again even though they’re so comfy i hated how they looked today)

i’m trying to eat consistently but all of the above with my anxiety is fucking up my appetite and i do not want to go through all of this again i was doing so well this summer

i’ve been so spacey and i do not feel real lately but everything just feels so heavy and i am so fucking tired

and usually when i feel particularly Heavy i just watch community or buzzfeed unsolved or a documentary or something while i write or draw so i’m preoccupied and thinking ab too many things to think ab what’s upsetting me but laptop kicked it (getting a new one this weekend 🎊) and my tv is frozen and won’t even turn off (it faces my bed and is quite bright i might have to cover it w a blanket; which makes me anxious bc it feels like a fire risk) (also i’m gonna have to go to reception tomorrow and tell them and i don’t want to be my social anxiety has been going ham lately and i’m just UGH)

anyway i am very tired and i cannot wait to go home this weekend and see my parents and my dog (i have a dentist appt and i’m trying not to think about it) and i just want to go to sleep

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

ahhhhhhhh

AHHHHH

the new chapter made me want to cry....... okay, maybe it's partly because of my state of mind which is partly my fault But. that doesn't change that so

(sequence of events: stressing about today yesterday -> idiot who didn't sleep until 5am because of being an idiot [me: i'll fix my sleep habits and sleep earlier. no more 1am bedtime. also me: *finally sleeps at 5am instead* me: no that wasn't supposed to happen, why- something is clearly wrong with this picture-] -> super busy morning. slightly stressful afternoon. thankfully didn't feel tired the whole day [how] though?? small mercies, small mercies -> finally get time to relax now that it's the evening and- *sees new chapter* oh my word the Happy Time is here *immediately drops all other thoughts and actions to Read*)

that was very emotional and. and also. i am an emotional person im a very simple person i feel Feels so hard when it comes to things such as this. (10/10 in every way and thank you- that could've been any day but it was a wonderful thing to come back to after being stressed and finally getting a chance to calm down a bit) so :D

so again always thank you for the wonderful fic stuff <3 i swear i owe so much in terms of mood and productivity to your and your fics rn and i wholly appreciate it. i will be getting strength from these fics for- idk, probably years to come???? once i latch on i refuse to let go. its the least i can do

now if you'll excuse me i now have to get back to using all my braincells on trying to do art things bc it will never feel like enough unless i do as much as is physically or probably more in this case, mentally possible. im also currently playing the fun guessing game of which of these will be my last anon before i finish these things and Yell. it is impossible for me to guess but i try to guess it anyway (funny how at first i was like mayyybe i can summon the courage to send one, maybe two anons. do art stuff. gently nudge it over here when it's done- and then somehow just started coming in here regularly in the meanwhile)

here let me give you a flower to somewhat make up for the rambly rambly shenanigans of myself when it comes to writing these 🌼 may you be having a good very nice lovely day :]

i'm glad last chapter was able to bring you comfort

[screampied]

HELAUUUUUUUR VAYGUS ‼️‼️‼️‼️ HOW ARE YOUUU🌟🌟🌟🌟

ITS FINALLY VACATIONS ILL HAVE THE TIME TO UPDATE YOU ON WHAT HAPPENED RECENTLY but FIRST ‼️ what’s going on in your life atm ? how’s life going ? is everything okay? do you eat n drink well 😼😼?

ermmmm i’m so so so tired bc the last week before vacations I've been doing exam after exam and revision after revision without stopping ans waking up a 5am all day but now it’s the deliverance i’m FREE‼️‼️ but the friday was so good i ate tacos with my friends and had a good time so it’s not so bad and i didn’t stop laughing bc so much funny things were happening at the same time ksksksks i hope you have good times too !<33

first about the volley club… i wanted to go at my school one but i was alone w/o friends ans everyone there already knew each other, and a girl that i “kinda” knew was there but was being so mean for nuthing???? and they were all seniors (in general older than me i mean) so i gave up n left, i’m NEVER doin’ vb here BUT i’m now doin’ boxing with my friend and i LOVE ITTTTT (the first session i got with her i was so cramped and dizzy that when i got at canteen to eat i almost fell at the entrance…#embarassingshit)

also… i dont recall if i told you..but I FOUND FRIENDS !!! my biggest fear but i found out im more outgoing that i thought??? anyway…

hear me out on this begas. i was kind of a kpop hater (we all do mistakes kay 😞😞) but i got a kpop fan friend.. AND THEY CONVERTED ME‼️‼️ crazy thing is that i was the one to ask for it lmaoooo sooooo since you’re into kpop to i FINALLY can relate to kpop convos 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i wanted to know which group you started with and if tou have some recs🤓🤓🤓🙏🏼? (I've taken your previous recs on board dw) (and also who’s your fav group, boys and girls if you don’t mind telling me:3)

kisses ★ !! have good days nights and dreams 💋💋

-🌟

HELLLOWWWW STAR MY SWEET !!!

i’m okay, i just got back from the store. ab to eat my dinner n head to bed 😫. i’m soooo tired i had such a busy but fun day today !!! saw a play, had a few drinks at this lounge, did a bit of garden work n did a bit of online shopping. hru ? i hope you’re doing well babieeee.

VACATIONNNNNN. nothing much is going on in my life !!!! ☝️ same old, it’s been a rough year heh but hopefully next year brings better things. i’ve been getting back into songwriting actually !!!! since i got a new bass guitar - i was long overdue for a new one so i’ve been playing a lot with that. i can’t write songs for shit LMAO i just mostly rhyme words with words and pretend i’m like idk bruno mars 💯 i am well hydrated thank u !!! <3

ooooh that seems rough. hope u enjoy ur vacation n get lots of rest !!! tacos sound so yum, haven’t had those in foreverrrr.

awww m sorry to hear that :(( college can def be hard at times. boxing is so cool though !! how are u enjoying that? i wanna try boxing rly bad, the closest i’ve done was probably martial arts and maybe fencing. YAYYY IM PROUD OF U

LMAOOOO me too kinda. i never rly been into kpop like that but my friends turned me onto it early this year !!!! i wanna get into bts but the lore is so much 😫 but YESSSS. some groups i started with was probably monsta X, girls generation, loona, blackpink, and enhypen !!!

as of now, my favorite boys group has to be ateez !!!!! I LOVEEEE ATEEZ. 🤸‍♀️ also seventeen, and for girls i’ve been loving XG. they aren’t necessarily k-pop, they’re j-pop—japanese girls group but they’ve been releasing banger after banger. some other favs are aespa and enhypen (again)🙆‍♀️

[1-talk-alot]

I know I know I know I said I wouldn’t rant about this topic again but be fr you didn’t know that and I didn’t care because that’s what I’m doing

Soooooo codenames yeah whatever this might be a longer rant than normal bcs im actually talking about 2 in one topics and the first one in friends! From a couple years ago

I need a few more codenames soooo

S - known her for 9 years uhhh shes really cool even though I dont see her very often anymore I also used to have a crush on her (little bit of lore you didn’t know I bet)

W - known her for 8 years shes also really cool

That’s it

OK this is a throwback to the times where everything was so different and im analysing why because I’m bored ig

S used to be one of my best friends, uhh along with H, W, and A (the only reason I gave them codenames was so I could write this sentence but they’re not in any stories or anything) and like I didn’t have any major friendship issues until the last couple years of my life and my mental health (which is not a topic I would like to cover right now) was also a lot better, like sure a lot of things were still shit but all in all I was happier yk? Then covid happened which wasn’t the biggest setback in my life but it’s definitely there and I can’t blame it all on my next point because there’s no way covid didn’t do anything to me

I think the whole being in my room 24/7, chronically online, bored and tired thing allll started there I think it as really subtle, I didn’t realise at the time, but my perspective on life, my average social battery, dare I say my patience all started to fall then (slowly but surely) I became irritable, I became used to frequent mood swings, I isolated myself for the heck of it, I didn’t go outside and I didn’t enjoy what I used to before and as if it wasn’t all slowly going downhill then, which I’m sure I would’ve gotten better if I’d had more time, uhh then I went to secondary and I was like shot down after the first month or so

If you were to ask my why I wouldn’t be able to give you an answer because my memory is so foggy (after reliving the same week 52 weeks in a row youd understand) I don’t see any specific differences, I know I stopped hanging out with A but nothing personal happened we just had different friendgroups and I think in year seven, nothing good ever happens in year seven, but nothing ever last either and I think my biggest issue was just time management and i don’t really stress over that anymore because icl about detention

In year eight however

So I had a new friendgroup right erase all the dudes from yr7, uhhh I actually really miss being i’s best friend because when I was every day was a lot more bearable but it’s okay we’re still friends, welcome L, E, and M!!!!!!!!!!! (wooooo) L and E i could easily talk about but it would be all positive so I’m not going to, Ik y’all aren’t here to watch a teenager talk about how happy she is, nobody tunes into that

Que topic 2! (It’s a continuation of topic one but onto the second stage of life aaand probably the last let’s be real)

So you might’ve noticed how I failed to include M when I said it would all be positive. That’s bcs it isn’t (plot twist) I could go on for ages but I’ve already done like 4 rants about this guy (and three of them are gone since I got T worded!) so instead I’m just gonna talk about recentl

TODAY !!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was shit honestly

Period once science uhhh idk if M thinks I’m too stupid to notice or if they think I won’t care about the way theyre suddenly treating my fp (/p)???? I know this isn’t my fight, I’m just talking over here but they’re not exactly trying to hide how dryly and reluctantly they reply? You’ve done so much shit and now you think you’re entitled to start acting like you’re the one being tired out. Kind of like a sexist boyfriend who hits his girlfriend, then when she leaves is like “well- i-I didn’t like you anyway!” To hide his fragile masculinity? Kind of like that yeah

Anyways ummm I could keep this professional but I’m better at voicing my argument if I sound like I’m just going batshit crazy speaking to that person and yelling at them so excuse me for the 2nd person, im still talking about M

One, how the fuck are you such a fucking narcissist??? You know it full well and you’re even proud of it and it makes me sick

Two, when I first became your friend I did think you were funny and that changed drastically because you’re just?? All your jokes consist of making fun of people insecurities, speaking in a cringe anime voice or using unfunny brain rot terms ‘ironically’ and sometimes it’s just so uncalled for like come on

Three, I just know that you think you’re at the “top” of this friendgroup. You think you can shittalk multiple people behind our back and we just won’t notice, you think your the only one with unspoken opinions and you don’t see past our very first trait. This was almost confirmed when you referenced L’s whole personality being hilariously stupid jokes and just ‘running around’. How blind do you even have to be??

I have multiple other things that annoy me but I can’t think of a way to put them into this rant so I’m just gonna list them now bcs i cba I just wanna get this done

• the way you obnoxiously played the full volume audio right in my ear today and didn’t it move until I did it for you

• the way you think I’m gullible enough to believe your simple lies

• the way you get so close to my face at times for like no reason like come on just don’t do that

•the way you only want to talk to me when you’re in the mood or when you need help and think I’ll just be there at your service

• the way you try to stop me from talking to E like when they were in the music rooms and I was gonna go and you kept stopping me stalling

•I know it sounds selfish but the way you’re stealing my inside jokes then being like “wdym I always did that that was my thing”

Uhhh that’s it ig? I’m not proofreading this so whatever uhhh im gonna go this way now bye

[b0mblover]

Bubble Bath? WHERE??

By: J

Oh god lopt what have you dONE-

[disclaimer; do NOT put bubble bath in the toilet, it can clog pipes!]

(no tws)

i uh, haven’t actually wrote like this in a while huh? sorry this actually kinda sucks ass but it was haunting my brain.

(this is ur reminder that im not a writer btw)

uh lopt adopts a stray cat (no animal abuse i cant write that shit /srs) and puts bubble bath in the toilet bc he wants attention idk im not good at summeries

im sorry to all who reads this

—————

lopt could be, for lack of a better term, needy. 

mason, since he had met lopt, had always referred to lopt as a cat, considerring how he could want all the attention in the world one moment, then want to be alone for 100 years the next.

today was the former.

mason had been working on more pages for “conspiracy theory” for hours now, this dissatisfied lopt.

he didnt know everything about humans, but he knew that he often got tired of paperwork, so he knew (or at least assumed) that mason was overworking himself.

logically, according to lopt at least, he walked into the ‘office’ mason was working in, and started to bother him with random questions.

“hmmm would you say that being a journalist is comic or tragic?” he spoke 

“a pain in the ass is what it is” mason said before erasing another line

“no but really, what do you think it isssss”

mason stayed quiet for several minutes, sighing several times as he kept trying to rework his sentences.

lopt sighed, “fine, fine, i get your busy and all, but couldnt you at least take a liiiiittle break?” lopt said with a semi pleading voice

mason erased the same line again, staring at the page, before turning his head up to lopt, he sighed aswell,

“no, i cant. im sorry. you know i love you and all, but this is important. you *know* this.”

lopt looked at his eyes, seeing the exhaustion

“cmon not even 10 minutes? please???” lopt pleaded with his lover

“i will once i get to a place i can stop, and if youre going to stay and here, please try to be a little quieter”

mason hated scolding lopt, but sometimes he had to be treated as a child to make him understand.

and sometimes it backfired.

lopt sighed and walked out of the door behind mason, giving one glance at him before shutting the door behind him.

he went back up to his room to think of anything to do since his partner was busy, he knew that his work was important to him sure, but he couldnt understand just why he pushed himself to do it so much.

after an hour of laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, he decided to bring mason some fruit, it was partly an attempt to bring his boyfriend out of the room, but also just because it had been hours and he knew for a fact mason wasnt eating in there.

(UNRELATED BUT MY CAT IS SCREAMING RN AS I WRITE THIS AND HE FUCKINF WAS SCRATCHING ST THE DOOR NOB IM SOBBING HIW IS HE THAT LONG, HE JUST STRETCHED UP THERE ANYWAYS BRB TO GIVE HIM ATTENTION)

(alr back)

lopt cut up strawberries and peeled an orange for his partner, knocking in the door before opening it.

he sat the plate down on masons desk in front of him, hoping to draw his attention.

mason looked up 

“oh god what did you do.” 

“wha- i? nothing??? i didnt do anything? is it wrong to want to give you something to eat?” lopt fake pouted 

mason sighed “well thank you, but seriously. what did you do.”

“i didnt do anything! promise! not yet at least…” lopts voice trailed off

“uh huh…if you say so..” mason sounded like he didn’t believe him

lopt being and idiot that thought on the spot started to speak again;

“im gonna go onna walk okay? wanna come with?”

mason stared at lopts face, 

“its pissing cats and dogs outside, lopt. youre gonna get a cold”

(HELLO GAY PERSON SHO REFRENCE HOW ARE YO-) (srry not srry 🥰)

lopt sighed “ill be fine i swear! its not like..ill get hit by some truck..or.something….?” 

(i feel deja vu writing this line wtf)

lopt cut mason off “so im assuming that means you dont wanna come with?”

mason rubbed the bridge of his nose

“i love you, but no. i already will have to deal with one sick dumbass, better

not make it two”

lopt pouted before kissing mason on the cheek saying he’d be back soon enough.

he walked up the stairs to his room, he didnt really know why he said he was going to take a walk, it was raining like hell, and (catlike) lopt didnt prefer to get wet.

he sighed grabbing his house keys and phone just in case, before he walked out of his door he grabbed his wallet aswell, just out if habit.

lopt grabbed ‘his’ (more like masons community jacket) jacket, pulling the hood up and walking out the door, quietly shutting it behind him.

he walked down the side walk at a normal pace and past the park, 1/4 of a km down, he seen a cat, it looked to be 1-2 years old, missing half its right (front) leg and its left eye, it looked like a grey tabby, it seemed…familiar, to lopt.

it was stuck between two very narrow buildings, why would anyone even leave such a narrow gap? lopt helped free the cat, petting it (and just looking at it) he could see that the poor thing was soaked, gods know how long it was stuck there.

the cat purred and rubbed around lopts now wet pant legs, it was quite friendly, but he also knew that this cat was indeedly a ‘stray’, he had seen the cat one day, he looked around for its owner before a nice old lady informed him that she was a stray cat since her owner had died.

he picked up the cat, now deciding to go over to the pet store 3 blocks down (idk blocks i dont live in a place that has them sorry!)

now holding her, the cat snuggled into lopts semi wet t shirt that was now exposed from the zipper of his jacket accidentally being pulled down.

now walking, he tried to remember what the lady said, “something something her owner died of an overdose” he couldnt recall if it was said if it was on accident or not.

he also remembered the lady saying how no one would take the cat in, even after begging, it was mostly apartment complexes that didnt allow animals sure, but did no one really try?

he walked into the pet store, cat in hand/arms, he picked out a small bag of food, and some small toys, he would have to come back to get litter and such after he leaves the cat at home.

he payed for the items and started walking back, in another store window, something caught his eye.

(dont ask this is illogical but fuck it why not! for some context lopt is carrying the bags with one hand and cat in the other, chill ass cat)

it was bubble bath, typically meat for kids sure, but what was lopt if not a kid turned into a god (what)

(just assume they allow animals in there idk at this point 😭😭)

with on hand/arm lopt picked up around 5 bottles of bubble bath, he didnt have a plan in mind sure but he’d figure out some use for it.

lopt payed (again somehow only doing this with one hand) and left to go back home.

struggling to open the door, he set the bags down, twisting the knob, picking up the bags, and walked in.

he sat down the bags on the dining table, and decided to go show mason the cat.

.

.

“lopt you do know i’m allergic right?”

lopt was shocked, 6 months of dating and he never knew that?!

“i- what- n-no. i” lopt fumbled over his words, he knew the cat had lived im the streets for a while now, he couldnt just put it back out there!

“calm down-“ mason said before sneezing “its pretty mild anyways, its not like ill die or something”

lopt had some tears in his eyes, scared of having to pick between his boyfriend or a cat, he was never a great decision maker

“s-so we /wont/ have to let the cat go…?” he asked with some hope in his voice

“no we wont have to let the cat go” mason said slightly laughing “im shocked youre so attached to it anyways honestly” he seemed to find some amusement in lopt, a god, who had been alive for hundreds of thousands of years, was worried about having to let a cat go.

“i- well!” lopt said playfully frustrated, 

sighing “how about you help me go set up some food and water

for it okay?”

“sure sure, you gotta litter

pan?”

“no im gonna go back out to get that”

mason stood up “alright alright” mason said putting his hand out for the cat to sniff, before petting her.

they used normal bowls for the cats food and water since it wasnt like they had food bowls yet, lopt pet the cat and went back out to get some litter for her.

on the walk there, he contemplated just what to do with all the bubble bath he bough, and a plan came to his mind, he knew mason still only came out of his room to watch the cat and help set up the food and water, he went back to working on his book thingy right after.

if mason wasnt going to give him attention, then he’ll have his own fun.

he bought litter, a litter pan, and a few extra things such as a few more toys, extra food, a harness and leash, etc.

he knew exactly what he was going to do.

he walked back, he decided to put the litter pan in the half bath down stairs so the cat wouldnt have to go up and down stairs to eat and shit all the time (kill me now 😭😭)

the cat seemed nowehere to be found, he walked into masons now open room, finding the cat sleeping on the left side of masons desk.

this was the best chance to put his plan into action, he tried on more time to get mason out of his room, failing again.

sighing, he grabbed the bag on the table and walked up to the full bathroom upstairs.

he went over to the toilet, and squeezed 2 1/2 bottles of bubble bath into it. 

nothing seemed to happen.

(idk how bubble bath works sorry if this is wrong 😭😭)

he sighed, flushing the toilet, since nothing seemed to happen, he just had to wait until mason came back out, as he was going to leave he turned around, looking into the toilet, he seen an asston of bubbles starting to form.

he waited as it grew and grew, he decided to go get mason “to help” by time they both got back into the bathroom it had completely over flowed with bubbles.

mason and lopt both started to panic, lopt didnt mean for it to go this far, but the bubbles just kept going.

mason thinking fast, went down stairs and grabbed a mop.

he essentially attacked the bubbles (mopping them like normal.)

but they just kept coming.

and his arm was getting very tired.

he decided to set a timer for 10 minutes to wait until it got bad again then to mop them up.

mason repeated this several times, around 2 hours worth (12 times) before it looked mostly gone.

lopt decided to try and flush the remaining bubbles.

and it worked! no more bubbles in the toilet!

why hadnt they just thought of flushing it a second time.

mason high fived lopt and sighed.

“welp, back to work”

mason walked back to his office, lopt groaned, knowing that it would take mason even longer to finish his work now.

at least now they both have a cute cat to keep them company.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent personal medical long post

So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)

The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.

I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.

I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.

And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)

It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)

But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.

Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!

The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.

And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.

Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.

[crime-bot]

i crashed and fell asleep for a while anyway. do you have any angst ideas. i need sad goro akechi hours probably with chronic leg issues because my knee almost gave out at the store today . anyway how have u been dude i'm just gonna write what im thinking and then edit later

ok so. goro akechi. goro akechi who is unable to look at himself in the mirror and grows his hair out past his knees and is so so so so so gay. goro akechi who studies japanese flower language and talks to haru and yusuke about it. goro akechi who tells haru it was either going to be him or her that killed kunikazu first, and he's happy he did it first so haru wouldn't have that blood on her hands. goro akechi who sits at leblanc every thursday to quietly talk with deadbeat parents club (ryuji, haru, yusuke, akira, sumi joins sometimes but not often cause she doesnt consider her dad bad she just wishes he helped her more during stuff, himself, ann) and tells them what he learned in therapy and helps them all find ways to find peace with it. goro akechi who was gifted a Crow figurine from akane (p5s) after akira told her he was a fan of crow, and then akane found out he was crow, and akane freaked out. goro akechi who is 20 years old but lives life like he is 16 because he missed out on everything. goro akechi who watches featherman with futaba and works with her and yusuke to write featherman fic and get yusuke money by commissioning featherman art. goro akechi with a sticker covered cane. goro akechi with medical necklaces who has stress induced petit mal seizures and chronic pain and multiple disabilities both mental and physical. trans goro akechi. goro akechi who is tired and worn but so fond. goro akechi who is dragged to takemis at a late hour because hes going through an episode and he tries to hurt himself and all the phantom thieves (+ hifumi & shiho bc hifumishihogoro bffs are real, + ken, + sae & naoto) come running to make sure hes okay, to watch him. goro akechi who cries late at night because he can't understand why people are nice to him. goro akechi who doesn't really believe it when he says "i love you" to akira because he doesnt really experience romantic love. he has an odd 3rd thing he feels guilty about with akira but they still say theyre dating. goro akechi in general. idk ..

OH MAN WHAT A FEAST! Sorry for the wait, I've got no agnst ideas for our guy Goro at the moment, but I'm gonna take a good look at this all

imagine Akira braiding all of that hair for him, learning and trying out new things and asking Goro what he thinks of it -- if not in a mirror, then how it feels

I think Yusuke would actually be more enthusiastic about Japanese flower language than Haru, which is saying something. He's captivated by the inner meaning held by such beautiful works of art, crafted both by nature and the nurturing hands of humans, and would easily go on an infodump about the language (and the shape of the petals, the stalks, the colors, both bold and subtle in difference, so... so much.). Meanwhile Haru takes both the language and the technical care of the flowers seriously, and loves sharing tips on how to keep the flowers healthy and vibrant, both before giving to someone and after receiving them. She encourages Goro to try growing something himself since it can feel very rewarding

honestly, I think Haru would appreciate that sentiment in a bittersweet way. Goro has... caused a lot of pain that can never be healed. It's also true that it was very, very easy to draft up plans on killing Kunikazu herself

Goro and the deadbeat dad club is like trickle down therapy and a fucking love it, holy shit. I'm sure he doesn't fully realize how much he's really helping them all

AWW YES, GORO WITH A CROW FIGURINE!! I'm sure talking with Akane is bittersweet, but as time goes on, Goro becomes another person she can depend on and is welcomed by Zenkichi

The Featherman Trio is so great... with their combined forces, the featherman fandom sees fanworks that could be prized novels or showcased in museums

SO MANY STICKERS OF STUFF HE LOVES!

Man I'd love to see more of Goro with disability, and how he and the PTs supporting him navigate it

I've seen a surprising amount of fanfics with Trans Goro, and while technically not trans myself, it's nice to read them and think of how Goro had handled transitioning (either explosively not well or surprisingly... pretty fine? Considering that Japan is pretty tolerant of trans people and it's not necessarily as difficult to properly transition from female to male or vice versa as in the US (which isn't much of a high bar but still))

I love characters that are tired and worn and fond... it's just... damn I relate to it

YES!!! EVERYONE'S THERE FOR HIM! And of course Takemi helps Goro out the best she can, no criticism, asking him how he feels, what he would and wouldn't prefer

oh man I vibe with being aromantic... Akechi trying to figure that out and come to terms with it as well as enjoy what he has with Akira for what it is is so good as well ..

[karatekid1]

hi guys it been a while. Well, everything right now feels like its going up and down all the time, like on monday, three days ago, my life felt so good, i was so happy, then everything went downhill again on tuesday. today is thursday and idek how im feeling, i dont got any apeitie, and my life just feel so depressing. i realized yesterday that heartstopper is like a core memory to me, like i havent watched it since season 2 came out bc people started calling it cringe and i actually started to think it were. i was just a kid back then it feels like, because every day i get older and i feel embarressed for my younger self, in like a few months i think that this me whos writing this is gonna be so cringe, why are we like that? or maybe thats just me. but what i mean is that yesterday i listened to some of the soundtrack songs, i just felt warm and happy inside, and it kept doing everytime i listeend to the songs, i stayed up til 3 am last night just rewatching the first season and it made me cry actually idk why but it just brings me so much comfort. anyway, uni going fine ig, some subjects are really terrible, but im surviving. me and benjamin (the nick to my charlie) are still together and idk tbh how hes feeling ab me atp, like im so fucking stupid and annoying i think hes getting tired of it. i feels like im slowly loosing my mind again bc of everything. i hate myself for the way i act towards people. most people i know would call me nice, they do, but then i literally argue with everyone over stupid shit just bc i am sensetive. and i dont know how to deal with myself, i just get so easily mad and jealous of everyone and its starting to spread out more over the people i love which is not meant to happen but i cant control it. how much i try to be nick, will continue to always be charlie. what was i made for? i dont even know myself anymore. people say they're proud of me but i will literally treat them like shit without even realizing it myself. all i really want is to be seen and heard, but i end up embarresing myself, overshare or just make people upset. im just a failure, im not supposed to be here, i dont fit in. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore i just want to live my life, but im literally just miserable. i try so hard everyday, to get people to like me, to make me like myself a little bit more and not hating myself, but when ive done something wrong i cant even realise my mistake until so long after ive done it, and i feel so stupid. i dont deserve to live the life that i do. i dont deserve any of this. i try to be like everyone else, i try to be interesting but if you try too hard no one is gonna like you. and if youre not interesting people wont wanna hang out with you bc youre boring. you should be funny but not mean, you should be perfect but not fake, you shoulld be thin but not starve, you should be smart not a tryhard, you should be yourself but not different, you should be happy but not annoying, you should be kind but not too kind because then people will use you for their own good. i hate humans, i hate what we've made this world into. sorry this became a whole vent post but im just so tired of living without having anything to live FOR.

[perce]

maybe that bad news was just like, a final straw, and this is a mild emotional shutdown? cant tell