#i am. speculating about myself how one might a fictional character. am i one even to myself? fictitious? fake? what of me is real

[do-you-know-this-adhd-character]

SUBMIT THROUGH THE FORM IN THIS POST, NOT MY ASKBOX, FOR YOUR BLORBO'S SAKE. I WILL LOSE SUBMISSIONS IF THEY AREN'T ALL IN ONE PLACE!

Hi! I've never run a poll blog before, but I like the "do you know this character" type blogs and I searched and didn't find one for ADHD characters so I decided I'd make one!

Submission Guidelines

Both canon and non-canon ADHD characters are allowed, but YOU MUST PROVIDE EVIDENCE FOR NON-CANON ADHD CHARACTERS! I completely understand just looking at a character and going "oh they have the Vibes" but it's not enough to be posted on this blog. Even just "they exhibit a lot of impulsiveness and distractability" is enough for me to go on - just give me SOMETHING to work with. However I reserve the right to not post a character if I don't think the evidence is compelling enough, i.e., if you don't list any traits that are specific to ADHD.

You may not submit real people, only fictional characters. I find it disrespectful and uncomfortable to speculate on the mental health of real people, and will not be posting those for my own comfort, even if those people will likely never see it. Also, the point of this is characters, not real people, so even people who have said they're ADHD won't be posted.

YOU MUST SUBMIT THROUGH THE FORM, NOT MY ASKBOX. I am, of course, ADHD myself, and I need all the submissions in one place or I'll lose them.

Got it? Here's the link to the form.

About the Mod/Blog

You can call me Mudkip if you'd like, or my name, Réka. She/her only please, do not use any other pronouns for me including they/them. I am an adult. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age and have it bad enough that I consider myself disabled. So ADHD rep is very important to me! And I'd like to both learn about ADHD rep I might not have heard of, and spread awareness of what ADHD people are like through the characters that people might not even realize are like us.

My icon is the character 707/Seven from Mystic Messenger, I chose him because although it's a bit hidden he is canonically ADHD! There's a call where he talks about how he talks to himself, and if you say "I heard people with adhd talk to themselves a lot..." he agrees with you, as well as displaying other ADHD traits through the whole game.

...is this entire blog partially part of my agenda to spread the word of canon ADHD Seven? Maybe.

Header is Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII; he's not canonically ADHD but there's strong evidence for it and I couldn't resist using the "Me? Gongaga." meme.

I often can't resist making non-poll posts on this blog, although I swear I try. If you're just here for the polls you might want to filter the tag "not a poll"!

My main is @hungarianmudkip69 .

Tagging System, for your searching or filtering convenience

#poll - the polls. this only includes "do you know this character" polls, not any other polls I might do.

#not a poll - anything that doesn't get the above tag. Including other types of polls. You know what I mean.

#canon adhd character - polls for characters that are canonically ADHD.

#noncanon adhd character - polls for characters that aren't canonically ADHD, but have solid evidence behind the headcanon.

#poll results - a reblog of an ended poll with calculations of how many people know the character and what percentage of those people know/see the character as ADHD.

#poll reblog - any reblog of a poll that isn't poll results.

#other polls - polls from other blogs.

#blog management - anything about the running of the blog.

#ask - asks. I don't know what else to tell you.

#approval inquiry - asks asking if a character has been approved for posting.

#submission inquiry - asks asking if a character has been submitted.

this was part of the original pinned and I always like seeing this part of poll blog pinneds so I'm leaving it

I'm supposed to tag other polls for visibility, right? This was largely inspired by @who-do-i-know-this-man and @doyouknowthisdisabledcharacter as well as @do-you-know-this-queer-character !

If you want to know if someone's been posted, check below:

Polls in progress:

707/Saeyoung Choi from Mystic Messenger (canon)

Kyle Klimson from The InBESTigators (noncanon)

SpongeBob SquarePants from SpongeBob SquarePants (noncanon)

Sherlock Holmes from the original Sherlock Holmes stories (noncanon)

Evan "Buck" Buckley, from 9-1-1 (canon)

Meg Murry, from A Wrinkle in Time (noncanon)

Bokuto Koutarou, from Haikyuu!! (noncanon)

Finished polls (under the cut):

Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff from the X-Men movies (noncanon)

Rumpleteazer from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Bobby Drake/Iceman from DC Comics (noncanon)

Karlach Cliffgate from Baldur's Gate 3 (noncanon)

Evelyn Wang from Everything Everywhere All at Once (canon)

Osana Najimi from Komi Can't Communicate (noncanon)

Barbara Gordon/Batgirl/Oracle from DC Comics (noncanon)

Sora from Kingdom Hearts (noncanon)

Dr. Coomer from Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware/HLVRAI (noncanon)

Johnny Gat from Saints Row (noncanon)

Bart Allen/Impulse from DC Comics (noncanon)

Michael Tate from Greater Boston (canon)

Uraraka Ochako from My Hero Academia (noncanon)

Etcetera from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Richie Tozier from IT (noncanon)

Gary Smith from Bully/Canis Canem Edit (canon)

Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation (noncanon)

Leonardo from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (noncanon)

Mungojerrie from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Achilles from the Iliad (noncanon)

Tajima Yuuichirou from Ookiku Furikabutte/Oofuri/Big Windup (noncanon)

Benrey from Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware/HLVRAI (noncanon)

Crowven Corvuson from Cemetery Mary (canon)

Martlet from Undertale Yellow (noncanon)

Zell Dincht from Final Fantasy 8 (noncanon)

Skimbleshanks from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Goku from Dragonball (noncanon)

Yuma Tsukumo from Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal (noncanon)

Moritz Stiefel from Spring Awakening (noncanon)

Sydney 'Syd' Novak from I Am Not Okay With This (noncanon)

Yuki Takeya from Gakkou Gurashi/School-Live! (noncanon)

Annabeth Chase from the Percy Jackson series (canon)

Maria von Trapp from The Sound of Music (noncanon)

Lift from The Stormlight Archive (noncanon)

Tim Drake from DC Comics (noncanon)

Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece (noncanon)

Apollo Justice from the Ace Attorney games (noncanon)

Stella from Winx Club (noncanon)

Roy Harper from DC Comics (canon)

Michelangelo from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (canon)

Tony Stark from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (noncanon)

Aiden Clark from School Bus Graveyard (canon)

Serpaz Helilo from Vast Error (canon)

The Doctor from Doctor Who (noncanon)

Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle (noncanon)

Leo Valdez from the Percy Jackson books (canon)

Moth Flight from Warrior Cats (canon)

Ramona Quimby from the Ramona books (noncanon)

Joey Pigza from the Joey Pigza books (canon)

Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables (noncanon)

Spinner Mason from Degrassi: The Next Generation (canon)

Lupin III from Lupin the Third (noncanon)

Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (noncanon)

George Beard and Harold Hutchins from Captain Underpants (canon)

Alex Woodroe from All the Feels (canon)

Agent Curt Mega from Spies are Forever (noncanon)

TG from Castle of Nations (canon)

Shawn Spencer from Psych (canon)

Sydney Scoville Jr. from Grrl Power (canon)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng from Miraculous Ladybug (noncanon)

Zagreus from Hades (noncanon)

Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock & Co. (canon)

Ash Ketchum from Pokémon (noncanon)

Misfire from Transformers (canon)

Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (noncanon)

Christine Canigula from Be More Chill (canon)

Aubrey Little from The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (canon)

Lt. Columbo from Columbo (noncanon)

Billie from Billie Bust Up (canon)

Wei Wuxian from Mo Dao Zu Shi (noncanon)

Jimmy Casket from VenturianTale (noncanon)

Sara Eriksson from Young Royals (canon)

Magnus Burnsides from The Adventure Zone: Balance (noncanon)

Scout from Team Fortress 2 (noncanon)

Luz Noceda from The Owl House (canon)

Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII (noncanon)

Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson and the Olympians (canon)

April Polls' Day posts, for posterity - ran polls on non-ADHD characters:

Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Zenos yae Galvus from Final Fantasy XIV

P.I.X.A.L. from Lego Ninjago

Brutus the Ducky from Real Life and also Rubber Ducky Hell (our only canonically non-ADHD poll subject)

Sophia from Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin (please play it)

[neoncat666]

extremely long shadows over welde character analysis post

by extremely long i mean its fucking 3k words cause I go too silly.

Spoilers up to ep 8 and its mostly rambles so apolocheese. I also posted this on my twitter so if u saw it there here's an actual text version LOL

Argentum:

Oh my god. You are soooo…… First of all, in the story we’ve gotten this. Argentum is a strong headed, curious person who is a bit stubborn and holds themself at a bit of a graceful appearance on the outside. They are smart, witty, but also a bit of a temper especially when it comes to frankly a little stupid ideas. They are also kind and care for others. We were shown from the beginning that they enjoy their work and meeting fans and even with people they just met are willing to help them stay safe. Also they’re a little dumb. Sometimes curiosity overrides rational thinking and that was shown when they touched the weird fucking webbing in the cave and also that ENTIRE plan when there was the confrontation between Vhaeraun and Lolth which was fucking actually crazy. This isn’t even beginning to talk about the head friend. I am constantly thinking about that voice and who that could be. Brings us speculation around them. Argentum is not human, or at least fully human. Their eyes are def not human and Hayden is a silly lil guy who would pull a trick like that. There was one speculation on them possibly being a Kalashtar and I think it could fit but honestly for now it hasn’t been on my forefront. I also bought the inscriptor class finally and was looking at how possibly they were built. What stats what subclass ect. I don’t fucking know.. Now you might be asking “Hey why don’t you just ask?” CAUSE IM SCARED. But honestly cause I wanted to see if I could figure it out myself lmao. It boiled down to either Mystery or Historian subclass is what Snail helped me narrow to. Could be wrong tho. There’s also little tidbits about Argentum that have come from outside the sessions like when I asked if they had a canonical birthday cause “celebrating fictional characters birthdays is cringe” “fuck you happy birthday argentum” is funny. Still honestly wanna know if any of the party has canon birthdays. I got hit with the “Oh they don’t know their own birthday.” and then swindled. There was also the discussion on Hayden’s pcs never really having parents or family and Argentum was included in that list which more or less got confirmed in session this episode (7). I still don’t know their motives, still don’t know their relationships with others because it seems everyone is connected to someone except Argentum, and I still don’t know who their patron is and if that is the same as the voice in their head. Love the silly though

Phoenix:

Fifi….. Not much was known about you until today and holy shit did it rock my world. Before we had known he was the apprentice to Ipswich and was sent in his place as guest of honor. We also then found out he was a spy working on tailing Lolth and that’s kinda all we knew about Phoenix for a bit, at least heavy lore wise. He’s a sarcastic, witty, bitch and I love him so much. I could never surpass Snail as Phoenix Enjoyer but it’s close. We learned a bit more during the nightmare drink sequence where he met his patron and got his powers fucking zapped. A couple things stood out to me from it. How his patron looked and specific wording from Phoenix. We know Ipswich isn’t mortal anymore but Phoe had said something along the lines of “I’d get my ass kicked and be right back here the next day.” He is surrounded by death or even just the undead. His patron deals in undead magic and I don’t think if Phoenix gets knocked down he wouldn’t be back again looking all fine the next day. We don’t know his patron’s name which like. Fuck. but lmao. Anyways Ipswich is tracking him like crazy and says he has this important quest although we don’t know a lot of Phoe’s thoughts and feelings on what he’s doing. To me it almost seems like he’s a tool or pawn for others and idk if I can fully call him a good person. Doing a bit of research into his pact and such it seems that he’s just going to possibly lose more and more humanity as he gets stronger but also i couldn’t tell you how much he has already. There’s also the whole cousins and throne thing that got dropped this episode. It seems his family is also involved with this whole scheme but Phoe is the favourite of the bunch. The idea that he could possibly be royalty was also thrown around and i think if he was like secret prince it would be from a large family all vying for a throne or he is working with Ipswich and others to usurp the current ruler and take the power for himself. Although knowing Fifi it’ll probably be like a secret third option. Not much except he’s so 90s movie older sister to me and the fact Ipswich runs a school for swindlers which is kinda funny.

Sunder:

Babygirl. Pookie. Love of my life who I want to kill me. God. This is now my love letter to you. I saw you across the bar and thought you were sooo scary and I’ve been enraptured ever since. Anyways that’s a freak. He’s not the most talkative and seems more lonely despite everything. They’re funny, loyal, kind, and ruthless. We didn’t get much for Sunder for a bit until mostly the shopping episode. We learned a bit through Kelly and the nightmare drink of what makes up Sunder but it didn’t really culminate until the head crushing I would say. Honestly I don’t even care I just fucking love the way Sunder is played. Like I’m sitting here trying to find words that aren’t just I think he’s neat cause I do think analyzing him is intriguing. They’re going to get angry and they’re going to get violent and you are not safe. It’s something that was so surprising at first because of how much Sunder kind of fell into the background. The nightmare drink gave us the first look at this, that Sunder had apparently killed someone, a kid even, but a lot of their violence was played off as a joke by the community, I know I did. Learned today that the person in that nightmare was Ilmater and it shows that she wasn’t lying when she said that visions and nightmares of this accident are a plague. I believe them when they say it was an accident and idk how young they were but to harbor that from a young age will fuck you up. Their morals are something that intrigues me i would say the most. No trouble in murder although I assume that’s more or less towards people who piss him off or are generally bad people. He’s kind hearted and that’s shown a lot especially with this last interaction I’d say. I still need to like rewatch a lot of parts of it but “we were just kids” genuinely fucking rocked me to my core and it got me i won’t lie. We’re still very early in but idk, I want to see Sunder truly happy and not haunted by the ghosts of their past. I feel this was most likely the first step but it’s hard to say as we go forward. I think violence and blood will always follow it’s just how they choose to take it.

The Wall:

I think now Wall is the character we know the least about, at least to me. We know his duty to Eilistraee and his duty to Zephrael and also his little foodie quirks (love him dearly) but outside of that I don’t think we know a lot. He’s the character I have the least notes for now but I do know this. He is loyal to a fault, a little dense, kind, and revels in battle and violence. I think about his nightmare and the fear of losing her and the sword then what happened to this episode. He’s had this since he was a child and then he had this dream, this trip to the beastland plane and looked Eilistraee in the eye and fought her. I believe he still loves her, cares for her, but I also think it has changed since that episode no doubt. Rewinding a bit, I think a bit about him being told he has to be pure of heart in order to wield the sword. What does pure of heart truly mean? Wall loves fighting and murder. He actively committed torture. Also he’s the bodyguard for an objectively bad man. There’s the argument of his intentions are pure although I doubt you can do a lot of what he did and have those intentions be fully pure. It’s just something I think about more than probably a normal person should teehee. Anyways the conversation he and Rae had at the beginning of this session should classify as psychological warfare cause I genuinely do not think I’m ever going to recover. I have been talking about it for weeks how they are the chosens, favored, by literal enemies and seem to have some sort of hit on them by a couple of deities now. I thought about how it might affect relationships and how Wall views them. We know he’s very loyal but I always wondered how far he would need to be pushed before that is broken. Seems like an extreme amount. His morals are probably what intrigue me the most tbh. I’d kill to know what his alignment is LMAO. Most of all I just really love the Wall because he is goofy and silly but he also isn’t a stupid brick wall that doesn’t know anything and I really enjoy seeing the times he gets to explain things. Fuck it we Wall.

Zephrael:

Okay so this will be the longest one cause I’m biased and yes Zephrael is my favourite. I always feel a little bad when it comes to that and showing that favouritism because I truly do love the entire party so much. This hit me the most when the show was just starting out and I did feel like I needed to show how much I loved each character and not just focus on Rae lol. I hope this thread can at least show that (if you even make it this far) Anyways Zephrael is a fucking freak and I love him so much. I’ve done multiple posts on him before and yeah Im gonna repeat some of it here i wont lie. Right out the gate we probably learn the most and yet the least about Rae’s past and present. He is an emissary for the reformed church of Lolth and an honored guest. He had known about Edo’s work before and talked about how it had helped with relations between the public and the reformed church. This means everything and nothing to us. But it does show that despite Rae’s… oddness, he is extremely well spoken when he wants to be and I think about that speech a lot. The next few episodes gave us some more information yet also a lot more questions. These weird pains that seem to predict disasters, the extreme phobia of spiders despite being a paladin of Lolth, and his both egotistical yet self deprecating attitude. It was fascinating to watch him because he clashed but never in a way that made him irredeemable and I’ll go more into that at the end section. A few early things I thought about a lot before the catalyst that was the nightmare drink were who the reformed church was, where did Zephrael come from, why was he chosen as this ambassador, and why he didn’t know undercommon but knew abyssal. These are still questions I have to this day LMAO. The nightmare drink vision I possibly overanalyze the most next to Phoenix’s. It stood out due to the fact that it wasn’t, bad. Rae could see again, he saw his father and best friends again, he got told he was going to learn the truth again. Why was this considered a bad thing? Everyone else experienced horrors and regrets yet Zephrael got sorrow. It jumpstarted the part aasimar Rae theory tho. Angel imagery Rae makes me clinically insane I won’t lie and his father having these large wings and bright white light did not help. There’s the big question of what he is and also how he joined the church. Hell, even how he feels about the church as well, truly at least. During one of the hiatuses fandom went crazy and Snail Snailmuds dropped out of nowhere that the runes on Rae’s body weren’t just random but fucking translated abyssal that said “PAIN CHAOS POWER” which first of all goes hard second of all what the fuck.

Theory crafting for Zephrael always feels like climbing uphill and also being constantly shot at cause every time something happens with that man it turns out to be a secret third thing going on oh mygod. Anyways I’ve discussed whether or not he was forced into this church, was kidnapped, born into it, ect because at the end of the day, he seems to very much be a tool or pawn for this church and/or Lolth. Also the whip being an artifact of Lolth or whatever they’re called again I forgot??? What the fuck dude. ALSO HIM SLEEPING IN BATHTUBS????? Grizzly has said this will make sense later but genuinely what the fuck there is something wrong with him. Moving on, revelation about the tattoos comes out and we get the torture episode. Well we get the holy shit they just killed those guys begining and then torture. First of all, I cheered louder than anyone else when Rae actually did fucking combat instead of running away and also the fact he can use his whip. Anyways dumb and dumber torture a guy and first of all the lay on hands to keep him alive during torture was insane and I hope to see it again in anything and it’s also where it’s learned that the tattoos on him were “forcibly engraved” which was honestly brushed off and a lot happened that I think most people forgot but I didn’t cause I’m crazy. Anyways moving on from THAT we get the typical Rae. Dodging questions when Argentum tries to interrogate him and also dunno if he’s just fuckin lying or not when he does actually answer them.

Episode 6 and 7 are where I think Rae slightly pivots. Not really noticeable but he feels a little more, close. It was also a change I noticed with the cast and I think that helped a lot of character dynamics as well. Rae’s stupid beef with Argentum was so fucking funny and I do think about him wanting to heal Sunder before himself after the Bulette because if he heals Sunder, how would that help him. Yes they’re his bodyguard but the monster is dead and it’s not like Sunder can heal him back. It was a decision that I think was the most different for Rae because he was shown to care deeply for Wall but not so much the others as much. He still doesn’t care for the others as much as he does The Wall but I do think he has grown a fondness or care for the others whether he wants to or not. And thats the thing, I could not tell you if he does actually wanna care for them or not. Yes they are allies and help but he seems to try and keep things at a transactional level or how much power it may bring him. He still does but like his dynamic with Argentum seems closer cause the antagonizing feels more like siblings getting on each other’s nerves rather than a growing distance. I think Sunder also displaying that brutality may have put him more into Rae’s good books too. Anyways he read a fucking book huge day. Now he has even worse mommy issues. Ep 7 killed me with hammers but that was spoken about. His relationship with Wall is something that fascinates me though. Rae is selfish, it’s not hidden at all, yet he does seem to care deeply for Wall and almost defends him more than he would defend himself. It’s nice to see for this bodyguard and his charge dynamic but ep 7 spread some light on it and I do think their bond will outlive the will of the Gods but what do I know, I’m not anyone at that table. Zephrael is rude, odd, egotistical but also masochistic and does care deeply when he wants to and you don’t see that kind of character as much I wanna say. He’s my favourite cause his weird gnc swag enraptured me thats all he is post over.

Not actually over cause there’s one last thing. These characters would not be these characters without the wonderful players behind them. Each episode brings out better and better performances that have me actually going crazy over them. I genuinely wouldve had nothing to write about if it weren’t for the fact everyone brings so much life into these characters and loves them so much that they feel so fucking real. They don’t feel flat or simple but very nuanced characters that I love to study and even be wrong about (i actually hate being wrong and every time im wrong i get so ashamed) but Argentum’s flourishes and talks to get out of situations, Phoenix’s wit and holy shit that dread form voice, Sunder during the market fight and then the softer scene with Varic, Wall’s humor and even talking about the more serious stuff, and Zephrael’s ability to balance harshness and endearing at the same time. That’s Hayden, Leizu, Juzo, Ben, and Grizzly and I genuinely cannot fucking talk about the performances enough. I’ve thought about making a post just about it but I fear I just wouldn’t be able to articulate what I wanna say enough. Then obviously it wouldn’t even be possible without the fucking amazing world building and npcs Jonah has provided. Everything is so immersive and I find myself caring for each and every npc we meet whether caring for their safety or caring too much cause I dislike them. Every npc sticks with me and I grow so attached so quickly because they feel so real in this world that also feels so fucking real. It feels like we are just peeking into another world and I actually can’t multitask when watching sow cause I get too sucked in. It’s really hard to do that and I talk about it a lot but never really publicly so I thought I would here.

Anyways for real this time post over, this ended up way longer than I thought it was gonna be so ur a real one if you read this all the way through lol. I’m off to go think about sow merch again as I wait for permission and stuff cause im crazy. See ya later

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @magic-is-something-we-create

Who You Are:

P.K. Finn || He/they

I'm a queer, neurodivergent creative that's been elbow-deep in art of all kinds since I first started having control of my hands!

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Adventure, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi. New Adult and Adult

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

I could write the blurred line between Sci-Fi and Fantasy until the heat death of the universe, honestly! The absolute freedom to change reality and stretch the boundaries of what my mind can come up with when making new worlds is one of the most fun and interesting things I've ever done, and once I started on the path of world building, I realized I couldn't stop. Even just world building, without a story attached, is one of my favorite pastimes.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

I personally don't enjoy writing anything set in the real world - whether historical or contemporary - if it doesn't have at least a bit of magic or speculative science attached. While I like reading realistic fiction on occasion, I've always found myself drawn more to what could be than what is on the creation side of things.

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

It depends on the story! My blanket target audience is the same kind of reader I am: those who like to pick apart stories and draw plot threads and foreshadowing to their potential conclusions as they unfold, and can't help but analyze it every step of the way. Rereading to find all of the places where hints were laid, to see what about the story changes once you know the end - are there lines I glossed over the first time that, with the new context, have taken a whole new meaning or emotional toll? How often was a reveal teased or cloaked in metaphor before I was given the information I needed to actually see it? Where is the plot mirrored in little ways, where are we told blatantly what will happen in a way we don't notice at first? Those kinds of readers are who I write for, as a whole. But I also know that those won't be all of my readers, and that each story will attract a different group that needs it, so I try to tailor those accordingly if I can.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

One thing I've found to be a recurring theme in everything I create (not just novels and other stories; it's leaked into the D&D campaign I'm running for friends, too) is the idea of Godhood/Idolization/Ultimate Power and Responsibility being unfathomably isolating and traumatic. With that also comes the idea that even deities are still people, capable of just as much emotion, mistaken belief, and regret as the rest of us, and often with far less control and power than worshipers might think. Hand-in-hand with that, I tend to end up with narratives where the antagonist(s) are a mirror or exaggeration of the protagonist(s), because I love making my protags question whether they're the ones in the right, when they may agree on many or all points of the antags opinions, just not on their methods or the lengths to which they'll go. And I also love to make the protags understand and sympathize with their antags - and by extension, try and get the reader to do the same - because one of my favorite things to explore is the common root of all good AND evil being one and the same, and those concepts at all being subjective and fluctuating.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

I've never understood stories that place certain characters/concepts/actions on pedestals or trash heaps without ever stopping to explore anything beyond the shallowest why, if that. I want to question which side is in the wrong, or whether wrong and right exist at all in this story. I want the characters and/or the story itself to examine what they're doing, why, and what the lasting consequences will be - because there will be lasting consequences for everything they do. If the enemy army is shown as irredeemable and inhuman (derogatory), show me a deserter with friends still on the front lines. If the Good King goes unquestioned in his altruism by those around him, show me what machinations he hides behind locked doors to silence the dissenters.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

I'm currently drafting two different stories set in the same world: The Millennium Saga is a high fantasy epic that's going to be between 5 and 7 books long, and I'm in the midst of drafting book three; Whispers is a tragic dark fantasy noir set 10-12 years after the start of TMS, planned to be a standalone that doesn't need, but is enriched by, the world context that TMS brings. I've been drafting it since mid-December 2022 as a bit of a break from TMS, which has gone through 10+ years of plot marinating and 2 years of frantic drafting now that my ADHD brain finally has the tools to sit down and do it.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

I write so that I can get the stories that play on loop in my brain out and inflicted on others. :)

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

The first thing I remember writing for fun was a short story about dragons that I wrote in third grade for school. I fell in love with the idea of being able to write my own books not too long after, because I realized that it let me decide what a dragon could and could not be, what an elf looked like and what powers they wielded, and what I thought a Loch Ness Monster Animorph would be based solely on the covers of books I never read.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

My inspiration comes mostly from interacting with other peoples creations! I often get into an art or writing mood after watching drawing videos on YouTube or listening to the playlist I've Pavloved myself with, and often those initial sparks inspire what I do with them that day, whether it's practicing drawing architecture because of a speedpaint or writing a fight scene because I listened to a particularly energetic song. I don't usually get inspired for entire stories from those things, though; I couldn't tell you where the inspiration for my current works came from, because the ideas first came to me years and years ago, and have just morphed over time as I've grown.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

The Millennium Saga! That story in particular has been occupying my brain for more than a decade, and while the current form of it is unrecognizable from the original version I wrote on the bus on the way to school, it is by far one of my favorite things I've ever done, if only for the amount of time and brainspace I've dedicated to it. It's how I figured out my current writing style, and it's a story I know I'll hold close to my heart long after it's done. And this isn't to say I'm not proud of my other projects, especially Whispers! They all hold equal weight in my mind, I've simply had more time to put the puzzle of TMS together than anything else, and I'm most proud of pushing through the blocks I hit along the way.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

I have not, but I really want to! I started looking into the tradpub querying process in December with publishing TMS in mind, but since I put it on hold for Whispers for the moment, I've put that by the wayside as well. Ideally, I'll go the traditional route with maybe a webcomic and webnovel somewhere between official releases, but I'd be more than willing to figure out how marketing works for self publishing if that doesn't pan out.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Traditional publishing is appealing for me because I (theoretically; I know the industry is in a bit of a hellscape right now) wouldn't have to be in charge of anything more than writing the books. But, like I said, that's in a bit of a weird limbo state right now, especially in regard to authors self-marketing, and that is, I think, the most intimidating and unsavory part of the process for me. Self publishing appeals because I would have a bit more control over what the book looked like overall, but again, marketing is not my strong suit. I'd much rather just be able to sit back and write and let someone else do the talking for me.

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

My favorite part of the writing process is those moments where things start to fit together into a complete picture! I tend to avoid outlining ahead of time because it dampens my enthusiasm and always tricks my brain into thinking its a set of hard-and-fast rules rather than gentle guidelines, so when the threads I've laid out start to weave themselves into a tapestry through both editing and latter-half drafting, it makes every stumble before then worth it. The least appealing/fun part of the process is less about the actual writing for me, and more about the struggles getting past the blocks imposed by my brain chemistry. Executive dysfunction makes sitting down to write at all a chore, no matter how much I love it once I've gotten into the zone.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

My process depends on the story! For Millennium Saga in particular, I've found I have to "script" chapters before I draft them, with a special emphasis on the dialogue and vague choreography, or else I get stuck super easy on the transition sentences between beats. But with Whispers, I've scripted only one or two conversations over the entire 40k words written so far, and haven't gotten stuck once. As for setup, mine is pretty particular in some ways, and wildly varied in others. I write in FocusWriter so that I don't get distracted with formatting, and can have a background/theme that's easy on the eyes and fitting for the scene I'm working on - but that theme changes on a regular basis, along with the music I play in the background and, often, where I take my laptop to write in the first place. I'm also a fan of doing writing sprints to get my brain moving, sometimes with friends on Discord, sometimes on my own, and at this point I do more writing without sprints at all. Sometimes I need the clutter of my desk to kickstart my brain; sometimes I need to be curled up in an armchair with no other distractions in order to focus. It really depends on the day.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

I joined Writeblr officially in March of 2020! While COVID might seem like the obvious culprit, it really wasn't at the time; it was really because I'd graduated the year before, and while my friends went off to college, I decided to double down on my dream of writing and drawing for a living, and realized that I wanted to have more people to share my ideas and stories with in the interim to help motivate myself to work on them. From there, it was just a matter of making the side blog, and the rest is history!

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@/aritany was one of a bunch of others who joined writeblr around the same time as I did, and one of the first whose writing style really spoke to me and inspired a bit of my own! That, combined with their rather unique ability to get me invested in contemporary and semi-realistic fiction drew me in and kept me on board throughout the whirlwind we've both been through over the last few years. @writeblrfantasy is an absolutely delightful human being who I met one fateful world-building wednesday when she unlocked my rambling by asking about Goblins in the Ehlverse and received a full-blown illustration reference in answer. She's also one of a limited few who writes the kind of romance that gets me invested, and she has an absolutely godly drive to write an ungodly amount day in and day out that inspires me to no end! <3 @lanawritesalittle is someone I don't remember meeting, but whose stories and style I adore to no end. They're, like, top-of-my-list of those who haven't published yet, but who I will be frothing at the mouth for a copy when they do. They have a 100% hit rate of making incredibly compelling characters that I can't help but love no matter what atrocities they get up to. @ashen-crest first crossed my dash when she joined, and I remember reading one (1) excerpt of The Stray Spirit before falling absolutely head-over-heels in love with her style of cozy fantasy. Everything she does just feels so warm and full of love, it's like home, and it all only gets better with time. @zonnemaagd caught my eye first from her poetry blog, and then from her writeblr, and her descriptions and narrative voice are so incredibly unique and gorgeous that I literally cannot think of a single published author that compares. Gust, in particular, is a writeblr wip that will always live in my head rent-free, and someday I hope to be able to read it all and bask in the world the way it deserves. And, of course, @authoralexharvey (don't you dare think you can get out of being complimented in your own interview). Their worlds are so lovingly built and their voice is so compelling, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get Nadia and Simone of ASMLP out of my brain. Their stories are just so amazing all the way through, even at the drafting stage, and I love every single one that I've gotten to sink my teeth into.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

The connection and sense of community! At least from the angle I've seen it, it's a truly wonderful space of encouragement and inspiration that I wouldn't let go of for the world.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

I think one thing that a lot of us agree on is how it can sometimes feel like we're pouring our writing hearts out into the void without a response, so one of the things I've been trying to improve myself (and that I think a lot of us would benefit from practicing), is voicing the things we love about what we read on here where others can see it, unabashedly. Finding something to love in even the smallest excerpts from last line tags, whether it be a particular word choice or a mood that seeps through the page, and pointing it out in the tags or body of a reblog. And, when someone does that for us, thanking them without self-deprecation - because the more we foster that kind energy and enthusiasm for each other, the more we're able to remember that when there's something lovable in every piece of writing, our own writing is included in that, too.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I do my best to reblog and comment in the tags on everything that I read - and while that tends to mostly be things I'm on the taglist on, I also try to take advantage of the days where I have the spoons to read more of what I scroll through and add it to the queue no matter who it's from. Something I could absolutely do more of is consistent participation in ask and tag games; I know the kind of fire that gets lit when I get a particularly interesting WBW ask or when someone sends me a tag game that I'm excited to play, and I really want to pass that on more often.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Excerpts, intros, and updates!

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Excerpts and updates!

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

I do writing and art streams on twitch.tv/alittlewarlord (ALEX: Watch and interact with Pax, he's so lovely!!), and VODs are posted on my YouTube channel of the same name. I'm also on Ko-Fi as alittlewarlord, and Patreon as P. K. Finn, both of which feature a bonus weekly write-in on top of the other streams.

[the-crow-binary]

not going to address the first half of your response to the q about the French revolution because it isn't as alarming, but holy shit the stuff you said about slavery and the supposed "black people are oppressed" and "anti white" narrative of nocturne and the facts you give to support this are blatantly incorrect. Think about it; slavery being opposed within France and its population in the 18th century but not in the colonies is not proof of anti-racism, it's proof of it. Whether they wanted to speak on it or take action or not, the French did very much benefit from the labor and produce of their slaves in the Americas- the wealthy more than the average citizen, but the benefits were felt by all to some extent. Of course the French revolution made Haiti's moves to indepence stronger, that's what happens when a colonizing country is going through upheaval- people are more able to act against it. The fact that there were black authors and participants in the French revolution does not change the fact that it was fundamentally about the wellbeing of the people of France, and that all tangible commitments to releasing its colonies and the people they held there were given up quite quickly. Also that society of friends of the blacks? Had less than 200 people. Not a great indicator of France not being racist!

Also, like, sometimes fictional characters are upset about things. That's not necessarily a political statement.

Here's something about the society of friends of the blacks: Yes there was less than 200 people in it. But in the people that were there, there was very important figures, such as La Fayette, Mirabeau, abbott Henri Grégoire, and others. Enough to make a difference and be heard (they sometimes received help from people outside of their association). And you did not need to be part of it to fight against slavery/for black people's rights. (even if we had to wait until 1848 before the definitive abolition of slavery, its thanks to the society of friends of black people, for example, that the free black people were given civil rights in 1792). Even with not much people in it, it was still a pretty big deal.

Yes the French Revolution "was fundamentally about the wellbeing of the people of France" (and I'm not saying racism didn't exist at all outside of the colonies, but that it was way more prominent there), but it's still a fact that slavery was also fought against during it (even before and after), and that rights were given to black people thanks to it (because one thing led to another, then another, then another... slavery was not the main focus for most people, but the Revolution affected way more than what was intended and inspired many) As you said, the wealthy is the one who benefited from slavery most, compared to the rest even if "to some extent" it affected everyone (1 out of 8 french people benefited from it, to give you an idea). Doesn't make the french any less against it or any more racist. Not every french person actively fought against it, yes. But, just like if you use (so "benefit from") Amazon and don't go protest against it, it doesn't mean you are totally on board with exploiting employees (and the logic can apply to many companies and even countries to this day). So one can only speculate on how far racism went in XVIII France among the people, but imo, it's pretty telling that we gave black people rights and abolished slavery so close to the French Revolution (not that some people weren't already fighting for it before that).

So worst I did was say "only" the colonies were pro-slavery in my previous post and not give lots of details in order to make the post shorter. (i am actually fact-checking myself regularly using multiple sources, because I don't want to misinform anyone, but there's always a risk I might be wrong. i really don't like politics. also the show just angers me for lots of reasons that are not necessarily connected to The French).

But in the end, its all the same: Nocturne messed up.

Nocturne CHOSE to tackle slavery and racism. It CHOSE to make things happen during the French Revolution. It CHOSE to be political. None of it came from the games, it could have never been there if they just did not take those decisions. That's why, for this particular show, I have to highly disagree with your "sometimes fictional characters are upset about things. It doesn't make it a political statement" because Nocturne literally is all about politics.

The choice of making every noble a vampire, to make Annette a black ex-slave that freed herself, to make Maria a revolutionary leader, to throw "liberty equality fraternity/brotherhood" around from time to time (Maria literally shouted "vive la revolution!" in episode ONE), every single choice they made, every single thing they added or changed from the games is rooted in politics. Annette's teacher,is very politically involved, and her views are presented as the truth and never questioned. I don't have a problem with a character being so casually racist towards white people/anti-french, especially considering said character's background. But I do have a problem when that character doesn't get called out for it or shown being in the wrong. I'm sorry, but when you make a character who isn't a villain, say shit, and don't follow up with something that indicates that it's shit, or give her consequences for saying shit, yes, I will assume you think this shit is valid. (at this point I would've taken just Annette doing a grimace as a sign that she disapproves, but no, she seems okay with insulting the french. waw, okay, why were you ready to lead them then? Connasse.) Annette literally calls Maria and Richter "children" and act like an ass because she thinks she is so superior because she suffered MORE so she knows MORE and the show portray it as her being right (everyone is so nice to her all the time and don't even say anything when she is mean to them). It doesn't even bother to pretend she only said the things she said or acted the way she acted because of trauma and anger, no, its just the way she is, because its the truth, because white people can't suffer, because they don't know shit (she fought her own revolution then went to France to fight THEIR revolution while the French don't do shit, she is that superior)

I don't criticize showing that black people were indeed oppressed and literal slaves at the time. I criticize the form. I criticize that they can't elevate Annette or the black people without bringing others down. And thats a problem, EVEN without taking real events into account. It's just a shitty way to write a character (from a minority or not) in every single media. It's hard for me to explain it, but there's a difference between writing a character being a "victim", and writing a character being a "poor little victim". One gives way more dignity to the character and is way more respectful to the people it represents than the other. Annette is on the "poor little victim" side even with this #girlboss façade of hers.

There is something called "the death of the author" (it's a french essay, hehe). To put it simply, it's the idea that the author write something, and the reader create the meaning. What the author intended to tell does not matter more than what the reader understands/interpret, and the author's own life should not be use to judge of it's creation's meaning(s). It's the thing with art, you know? Different people can have different interpretations. For Nocturne, it doesn't matter if it wasn't their intention to talk about politics (how could it not have been when it's literally so obvious, I have no idea). Because I, as a viewer, noticed a pattern, noticed elements, and understood messages that are indeed, very political. It doesn't make me any more right than one who does not and just enjoy the show for it's story and characters without thinking much deeper than that, but it doesn't make me any more wrong either. It's not like I don't have any reason either, I can clearly explain why I think the way I do, the elements are right there, I didn't create them.

[heirscrchd]

serious ask:

do you think azula met a/a few trans women during her time post atla?? what would her thoughts be??

(disclaimer: anon is trans)

Okay I'm going to be forward here, I don't know a lot about the subject of being Trans.

Identity for me is extremely difficult and while I could be considered under the umbrella of trans (I identify as sorta-NB, demi-girl? IDK where this falls) and sexuality also is extremely difficult for me to get into because of the complexities of it and how simple labels can be when we boil it down.

I don't know how to answer a lot of these difficult questions and I'll fully admit my ignorance and faults I've made.

I'm putting this under a cut so I don't put a giant post on the dash for people who don't want to get involved in it. Please let me know if you need this tagged

When I first made this blog I did see Azula more as a female-leaning bisexual with not a disinterest in men but more a lack of appeal towards them but wouldn't be entirely repulsed. After more speculation brought on by the mutuals I made here, I thought I might as well call her a lesbian and be flat out with it, but as me, personally, tends to be unsure how the term lesbian is seen in trans community for how Terfs like using it to discriminate against trans woman as they see lesbian as "females loving females"

I used the term lesbian and sapphic interchangeably in an attempt to be more inclusive to trans woman because there is a distinct difference between the complexities of sexuality with labels, social inclusivity, and how one personally might have a genital preference for certain sexes.

I have been informed and take responsibility that phrasing things this way does not help, or can do harm to lesbians and others by making it feel like it's a "bad" word so to speak. I accept that and you are in your full right to criticize me for it. I will do my best to keep this in mind going forward and you always are welcome to call me out for it in the future.

As to say, I'm not good and knowing how to address all this of a fictional character, let alone my own life! I call myself lesbian but I don't even know if that's true because sexuality is fluid the more we understand ourselves. My ow nsexuality has been difficult to understand with the deconstruction of what preferences are okay, what do i prefer, how my trauma impacts me being unabel to handle certai nthings, ive constantly been put into question of my label as lesbian because what if it is just my CSA trauma that stopped me from feeling safe with certain things that remind me of it, but i dont know how to fix it if it can be and i. i dont know

but its not something everyone will understand (sexuality and identity being flexible) because it can come off as "you can forcibly change someone's sexuality" which no. No I'm not saying that, but we can discover more about ourselves and change labels when we better understand ourselves and our likes and wants. (my gf for example identified as lesbian when we first met but under more analysis of herself she feels more comfortable being called pan now)

I don't genuinely know how to project all these complex thoughts onto a fictional character who in the canon is only like 14, and in the comics is 17, and genuinely am trying not to think about what the genital preference of a minor would be when they grow up because it lowkey makes me feel kinda gross.

When it comes to Azula, I don't think she personally holds any ill perspectives on trans women or trans men.

Azula holds a respect for power, honor, and a strong will. Whether the woman she speaks to or recuits is anywhere on the woman or non binary feminine leaning line or nb line in general I don't think she would discriminate against them.

I don't think Azula is a Terf, if that is what you're asking. Azula doesn't discriminate on that

she's very much someone who holds ill will towards people who personally harm her or slight her. Even the Earth kingdom and it's people she didn't hold an animosity for like she did Zuko, during the final Agni Kai, or even Mai and Ty Lee who she showed much more hatred towards for betraying her.

Trans people existing doesn't hurt Azula. Trans people living their lives, doesn't personally insult her.

Azula is fine with and would accept trans women and would accept them all the same as women or whatever they want to identify as.

*Edit, forgot to really answer the question: She probably had met at least a few trans individuals while traveling and wouldnt have any issue with them

** This also comes from Azula who was 110% fine with being called "Fire Lord" - Lord being what we see as a more masculine term than Fire Lady, so she 100% would be accepting of trans and NB individuals since she herself is willing to take on a masculine/male/whatever title despite identifying as a girl.

[tanjir0se]

I don’t mean any offense by this but what do you mean you write in character when you aren’t familiar with the characters at all? How do you know you’re doing anything right? And why do you write for things you don’t know about? No hate I am just curious what you mean or if I misunderstand.

Hi !

So to clarify, I don’t write for characters I’m not at least somewhat familiar with. At most I’ll write (in a fandom I’m already familiar with, like Demon Slayer) something including a character I’m also already at least familiar with but may not know the full backstory of (like Genya and Sanemi).

Using the example of Genya and Sanemi, I’ve seen them both in canon interacting with other characters, we’ve been told a bit about their backstory, their hopes and wants and motivations, and I understand how the show and plot typically works. So even if I don’t know everything about them I consider myself familiar enough to usually be able to write the characters in a way that feels authentic to them no matter what plot happens. Even if the events of canon end up playing out differently, the characters still FEEL in-character (within the little alternate universe plot I’ve created in my own story)

I think I’m doing it right based on feedback I’ve gotten from people who are more familiar than I am (have read the manga, in this example) who say that I did a good job of staying in character. This is one of the more common comments I get on my fics, actually! (My mother is very proud /j)

I write about things I don’t know about because I think it’s fun to speculate on what might happen via writing as an exercise in analyzing/studying the media and the characters itself. Like “wow what is going to happen with X and Y character?? What if it’s this? I’m going to write it!”

That being said I don’t ever write for fandoms I’m unfamiliar with because at that point I’d just write some original fiction and use my own characters lol. And typically if I’m writing a character I am extremely unfamiliar with, they appear as a side character and not main.

To sum up:

1. I am familiar with the characters

2. I know I’m doing it right because I’m familiar enough with the source material and also my commenters seem to think I’m doing it right

3. I don’t lol

_(:3 」∠)_

[santo-antonio]

A reductive lense I find myself using is that on the in general the difference between SciFi and fantasy is only surface deep and mostly about aesthetics. SciFi is about a kind of "Techno-Futurism" eg Spaceships & Scientists, Star-systems and Strange Species compared to fantasy looking like "Mytho-Medievalism" Swords and scorcerors, Forrests and un-Familiar Fairies although a deeper look into genre tropes probably shows this is structurally incorrect The discussions around Hard vs Soft Rules Systems is interesting to me. It applies to both Magic in Fantasy as well as Science in SciFi. I think they map onto a spectrum of "likelihood" eg impossible, improbable, implausible, possible, plausible, probable proven. This spectrum of likelihood isn't in comparison to the physical world but is in relation to coherence/contradictions of the work to itself. Personally I'm frustrated by an author who's world is vague, they painted such a poor picture of that reality that my predictive intuitions were useless in anticipating the plot. I'm also annoyed at authors who didn't create an internally consistent world that could withstand my unconscious analytical thinking and it starts to become clear that they are confused about their own creation. Trying to get outside of my personal tastes I wonder is there a correct kind of art, is there a wrong kind of art? People's perceptual abilites vary both genetically and as aquired skills. Geeks, nerds and neurodivergents are distinct because their interests are beyond the "norm". You could probably measure this cognitively, certain clusters of ADHD or Autistic traits combined with unusual capabiltities in various cognitive domains written language, music, imagery etc. From that frame you could imagine how different perceptual categories have variable relevence and salience across the population. Remember the blue and black or gold and white dress optical illusion meme? There are various aspects of a film that can break your immersion (break the illusion) not limited to: unconvincing acting, contrived plot, or nonsensical world building, poor set design, outdatd special effects bad pacing and inappropriate tone. I might judge the BBC Sherlock series as lacking in verisimilitude because I can't help but find its worldbuilding unconvincing and it's plot twists contrived, and rather than geting absorbed into a flow state whilst watching the show I am distracted fighting with myself trying to forcefully suspend disbelief. vs For someone else the show might be brought to life by its aesthetic design eg the tilt shift photography/UI visualisation. Captivated by the show's emotional conflict between characters eg Watson the epathetic but wounded soldier limping after Sherlock a genius incapable of emotional connection. On one level its curious that we can even suspend disbelief about these unrealities. illusions, whether deceptive bullshit or imaginal insights, work on some people because heuristics/biases in their cognition can be predictably relied upon to find relevence in those saliences. Like how individuals might be drawn to specific virtues/vices but don't struggle with others. I think a lot of the above applies to science, magic, crime detectives and other mystery novels iwithin speculative fiction.

[hakureiryuu]

welcome to night vale - I was a homestuck back in the day and this is what people did during hiatuses.

stopped keeping up with it at some point and then no podcasts for 6+ years

then the magnus archives and sudden I am very interested in fiction podcasts

in order after tma:

out of place - still hyperfixated on tma but want More Things. out of place also has an archivist at a shady academic institution, he takes in odd artifacts and goes on wild speculative tangents on what alternate universes they might come from. later evolves into scifi universe jumping after action reports, fun stuff.

red valley - I was told there was something similar to the big seed vault up in Switzerland or wherever, and that place fascinates me so I gave it a listen. also very scifi, but it involves the development of hypersleep cryogenic technology on human test subjects of dubious consent.

wolf 359 - I almost gave up on this one bc it was a little too slapstick in places but an intro clip promised me it gets better so I stuck around. scifi comedy drama, big spaceship, AI, aliens, the works. beautiful epic ending.

malevolent - STILL hyperfixated on tma even through all the other stuff, and malevolent seems to be the one tma fans immediately migrate to, so I went for it. at first I found it immensely frustrating bc the characterization seemed wildly inconsistent, but then I learned there was an element of actual play involved, in that patreon supporters vote to dictate how the main character acts. supernatural, eldritch horror, unhinged blind detective and his seeing eye demon go on violent adventures. I'm a patron now :3

I am in eskew - ceaseless, helpless horror. darkest of anything I've listened to. very poignant all the same.

old gods of appalachia - another popular follow-up to tma and HOLY SHIT THE SOUNDSCAPING. my first adventures in immersive, super high quality work, 11/10. kind of horror, mostly forest magic, witches and demons, the evils of capitalism, etc.

woe.begone - people talked about this one in the same breath of most of the above, so off I went. scifi drama with comedic elements, time travel mechanics that are very well drawn out.

the diary of aliza shultz - technically a spinoff of w.bg but not in the same genre at all. it's really a surrealist piece that speculates on the nature of creativity in general. as a creative myself, it really spoke to me.

re:dracula - I did not read dracula daily, I'm just here bc I was told jonny sims would be in it eventually. ongoing.

the silt verses - still working through this one, I'm on ep5. I was hesitant to try this one bc it's made by the same people as eskew, and that fucked me up a little bit. but this is a good deal less bleak, though just as horrific, and the soundscaping is on the same level as appalachia.

hello err fans of podcasts :3 im doing a project for school on fiction podcasts so..

if you could reblog this with all the podcasts you listened to in order (if you want to provide commentary as to why you went from one podcast to another (for example, the magnus archives to malevolent as a popular example->the eldritch horror) that'd be really useful! thanks :)

edit: i finished the assignment and got the grade back, it was really great! thank you for all your help!

[poppywriter]

❀ Pansy n°8 = Who are my / our Husbandos ?

*sigh*

You know how therapists say - at least tiktok ones :/ - that to be ready for a relationship you have to break off your imaginary ones first ? Well for me - and many people I’m sure - it is complicated to say goodbye to thousand that much fictive lives and lovers… Especially when it’s the only way I get to fall asleep, making up fake scenarios.

I dream so much about love, I’ve got to have it in some way, no ? Be it with fictional characters, celebrities, voice actors or even made up characters, I have to dream about a significant other loving up on me. Am I exposing myself too much ? Yes, yes I am … :/ But, f*ck it.

It is really easy to imagine a life with a celebrity as they are public personalities and we know so much about their lives. Too much… Moreover, your brain - and heart - does not make the difference between real people and fictional ones. That’s why you can feel truly heartbroken when a character you’ve grown attached to is sad or dies. Real or not, it makes no difference when emotions are thrown into the mix…

→ The way I realized this was true is pretty embarrassing but I’ll tell you anyway… I was young - around 17 - and in a big as well as deep spiderman / Tom Holland period. So much that it was concerning… :/ Then, pictures of Zendaya and Tom kissing came out and their relationship was outed. And… *sigh* My first reaction was crying. I felt heartbroken but mostly pathetic and embarrassed to be affected so much by it. I was disgusted by myself, because I was crying over something - someone - that had nothing to do with me. Yet it was a true awakening. After that I stopped - or at least I think I did :/ - to get THIS attached to my dumb celebrity crushes.

It also made me realize something really important.

We don’t know who our celebrity crushes are, not really. What we see of them is only through media, dramas, speculations… Their images are controlled and a source of income for many - *cough cough* paparazzis :/. Sadly, they don’t have the chance to live freely, away from camera lenses…

And we, their fandom, play a part in their objectification. It’s important to know that the person we have a crush on, write fictions about and obsess over is a made up version of them. It’s only how we picture them, how we’d like them to be. Not how they are, because we don’t know. We can’t know. And we shouldn’t, because they have a right to privacy.

We don’t know them, exactly how they don’t know each one of us.

So now, I see it more like having a crush on a fictional character. Because that’s what they become. They have made up lives and personalities. It’s fake, it’s fictional. And it’s okay. I think it’s better than knowing every detail and overstepping boundaries in their busy and stressful lives. It might be okay to admire and be attracted to them, but it definitely isn’t if we don’t respect that they stay humans and that in their place we wouldn’t want our lives to be invaded by strangers.

Nevertheless, drawing this conclusion makes me feel even more lonely. Plus, all these imagination filled scenarios definitely don’t help to have a realistic idea of love. I feel bound to be disappointed by life and love - especially by men :/. That’s the problem with overthinking, dreaming and projecting too much… You always end up falling from the high cloud you set yourself on.

Maybe one day I’ll find “the one” - whoever it may be or if they even exist. Only time will tell, for now I’ll try and deal with the loneliness.

✿❀✿

🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

I'm gonna try to keep myself calm as I write this post because I know this will most probably never reach the people who harrassed him into this but if it reaches even one such person, I know the passive aggressive tone I'm soooo tempted to pull out probably won't help.

I know there have been fifty thousand posts about it already but I just need to say it.

One of the themes of season 1 of Heartstopper was learning to be comfortable in your sexuality. Nick's arc was about discovering more about who he was. Part of Charlie's story, if you remember, was about his struggle with his self esteem which was wrecked by homophobic bullies who had outed him the previous year. The show reinforced, over and over and over, how cruel and wrong those bullies were, and how traumatising it was for Charlie to have to deal with that. If you remember, Charlie sometimes got so uncomfortable and anxious that he couldn't even bear to sit with his own friends for lunch and hid in the art room.

Now try to understand what happened today. Kit had to out himself because he felt so uncomfortable with the way he was being treated that he just could not take it anymore. Do you see? If you've paid any bit of attention to the show surely you must realise that this is traumatising for him. A kid has just been forced to out himself on a public platform to hundreds of thousands of people. He has been harrassed into revealing something personal about himself that he was not ready to share. This is traumatising. And, I'm trying to be gentle here, but if you played any, any part in this, be it accusing him of queerbaiting, making tweets and posts speculating about his sexuality, or maybe just did something simple, and only once— made a joke online, dm'ed him one thing about his sexuality that you thought was funny, or just said something like "He should just come out instead of keeping his fans guessing," and you genuinely meant no harm by it, you have contributed to traumatising him. I will repeat, you have contributed to traumatising him. Read this paragraph again.

Him being private about his sexuality was not queerbaiting, because everyone deserves their privacy, and especially if it's about something so personal. Yes, even celebrities deserve this basic human consideration. If you felt you were being queerbaited, I just want to remind you that he is not a fictional character. This is not a crafted alternate universe with a will-he-won't-he storyline about your blorbo and whether he will reveal his sexuality as the happy culmination for the crafted storyline. He deserved his privacy. Perhaps you might not understand the fear of being outed, because you are cishet or because you had a receptive and accepting coming out, but it is an ugly feeling. And to deal with the anxiety of having to come out to hundreds of thousands of people? When he was not ready? I don't think you or I could even fathom how overwhelming and frustrating it must be. He deserved to be able to come out in his own time, or not come out at all if that's what he wanted.

If you feel that his coming out was important to you because it's representation, you could have just watched the show! There is So much representation in Heartstopper!! And not just there, there is a lot of representation in dozens of shows out there! Certainly there's enough that no one needed to request or force Kit to come out. Just. I know I am repeating myself, but he is a human being, a person, and he deserved to have been treated as such.

I don't want to assume the worst of all the people who contributed to this, because perhaps some of you didn't realise you were doing something wrong, but I want to put it plainly: what you did to him, unintentionally or not, was awful. It was fucking atrocious. And you need to do some serious looking inside and sort out your priorities and your perception of how you treat people you call yourself a fan of. We are not owed anything that a person deems too private to reveal, and the fact that a lot of you acted like you were owed this, is disgusting.

Lastly, but most importantly, I hope Kit is okay. I hope he has the support of all his friends and family. I hope he knows that he will be accepted by most people with an open heart and no judgement. I hope his fans learn to be better and show more consideration in the future. I hope he gets his mental peace back.

[gracehosborn]

So Let’s Talk About This Hamilton Series…

Many of you who have recently followed me (thank you, I greatly appreciate it and you’re all awesome!) might have noticed my mix of historical and writing reblogs, and might be wondering about what I’m even up to. So I thought I would go into more detail about my current WIP, The American Icarus. So… let’s go.

What Is TAI?

The short version is this simple pitch:

The American Icarus is a historical fiction series following the life of Alexander Hamilton—but told from his point of view, like a memoir or autobiography. Extremely ambitious? Oh yes. Maybe a little insane? That’s for you to judge.

The long version is well… long. Each book in the series (simply titled TAI: Volume I, II, III, and IV) takes you through part of Hamilton’s life, from his early teen years to his death—with a total span of about 35 and a half years. Volume I goes from February, 1768 to June of 1778, Volume II picks up in July, 1778, and stops in October, 1782; Volume III continues from there through the end of the New York Ratifying Convention (July, 1788), and Volume IV (and a possible Vol V) finish out the story to the end in July of 1804. Told from his point of view, Hamilton is both the protagonist and the narrator—this combination having previously been unseen amongst the many Hamilton-centric novels out there. Making this both a lot of fun—I get to explore new territory! But also stressful… I’m the first to explore this territory. I am currently drafting The American Icarus: Volume I (TAIVI), and am about one forth of the way to the end. As I get the opportunity to explore this new way of telling what’s now a pretty well-known story, I am focusing mostly on characters and fine details. TAIVI (and the whole series for that matter) is heavily based in the historical record—I’m reading period-accurate musket training manuals, slowly going through Hamilton’s mountain of papers, reading dozens of secondary sources with the latest scholarship I can get my hands on, and doing even more. The plot of each book is planned to be detailed yet rich—this is a story about a bunch of humans after all.

Why This Project?

This all started about three years ago when I was up late and should have been asleep. I was reading a biography on Hamilton (will not name for the following reasons) and got to a passage where the author was speculating what Hamilton might have been thinking in regards to the situation being discussed. As this was not the first time the author had done this in recent chapters, a small part of me got annoyed. My first thought was:

But what if I could be in his head?

Of course my immediate reaction to this was to scold myself. “No that’s stupid and insane what are you thinking?” Annnnd then I proceeded to store the thought away and not listen to myself. Come a few months later, I decide to pick up the idea after having been working on my young adult fantasy novel, Ink of Destruction (more on IOD in a later post!). Since then I’ve been slowly working on this story (with all my research to blame as to why it’s taking forever). I really feel like, despite the fact that this is super ambitious and “out there,” it’s a needed perspective. Further, I do believe that a good story is there within the piles of the historical record. I don’t need to take such large liberties with this to craft a good story (not saying doing such is bad—we are all allowed to create how we please and tell the stories we want to tell; dragging people for doing something different isn’t always right). But what I have found in my research varies from sweet to wild—let me tell you 😂

My plan here is to share the writing process for TAI and all the discoveries and such made along the way, alongside my other works-in-progress. I’d love to hear any questions or thoughts you might have (and I hope this was informative or enjoyable 😂)

[kaphyr]

THIS!!! I have been toying with the idea of explaining my frustrations with the fic (150K+) I'm currently working on and the previous one (51K). And length is the symptom of the main problems with my 150K+ fic.

I planned the fuck out of The Long Defeat and even as I did that, I knew it was going to be around 200K (closer to 300K+ now -don't be surprised, it's in the name, lol). As someone who has read many fics and original books of that length, I wasn't too worried about the length itself - because as much as in the publishing world that is definitely something to consider if you actually want to sell copies of your book, in the world of fandoms, there are plenty of 200K+ beloved fics.

But that doesn't make them good or deny that these stories are going to suffer from that word-length or that the length isn't a symptom of problems in the story.

The Long Defeat has 3 main POVs (so far) and is happening in mainly three timelines. In retrospect, I can see how I should have just split this into 5 fics - they would probably not be longer than 80K each, in fact, 1 might have been novella-lengthed. However, because this is fanfiction and because I am not bringing this to a publisher - and I am very aware of that fact as someone who writes and edits original fiction - I thought that it didn't matter.

I wanted to put all these highly connected stories together so that they could be enjoyed as I meant them to be - except that's not what's happening. I post 1 chapter every 2 weeks - for a year and half. I thought that if I was to post these different POVs as their own fics in a series, it would take away from the interplay. Also, what guarantee is there that a reader will read every POV and get the whole story?

However, if this was an original story, I know what I would have done. I would have cut out characters or mixed them together for a smaller cast. I would have removed the smaller B-plots, I would have stuck to maybe 2 timelines. I would have edited down the word count - I would have actually gotten my work professionally edited.

And you know the interesting thing about series - especially these days? The instalments tend to come out barely a year apart - if even that. And you know what a reader can do right before diving into the new installments? They can reread the book. You know what I can't expect my readers to do? Reread my fic before I post a new chapter.

Which brings me to one of the issues I have with such a long fic. There are a lot of details and if you don't remember them, you probably can't see everything I'm doing - you can't read it the way I meant it to be read. And honestly I have only myself to blame.

But the idea of not posting until I had everything ready? To miss out on the comments? The speculations? The theories? No thanks. I've already tried that with Making a God. I posted twice a week in under 2 months, only taking the time to read over chapters before posting. I know plenty of fic writers only post once they have it all written out, but that's not for me. It took me 2 years to write those 51K words. In a year and a half, I've written around 154K of this fic - and I've written so much more for work and my own original fiction.

Putting the work out there within a month or 2 from writing works from me. Even if it brings its own issues like not having the time to ponder over scenes long enough to see issues or how to phrase things better. Additionally, I still get many ideas - and because this is a fic and I want to indulge myself - I add them to my outline and watch the thing balloon. And sometimes, to set something up, I have to go back to a previously posted chapter and add a few lines and then in the notes of the newest chapter, I have to clarify that. That's... not okay. I know, I know.

Would I do it any differently if I could go back? Probably not. I really can't help it that I get too many ideas. But I might have changed the posting schedule to once a week or even more frequently (if I could hack writing that quickly). But it'd still be a mishmash of POVs and timelines because at the end of the day this is fanfiction and here, I get to not compromise - even when I know it's a bit of a disservice to the audience because at the end of the day, I am writing for myself (like honestly, it's kinda shameful how often I reread these fics of mine, lmao).

But I also understand that this doesn't change that my story will suffer from these indulgences. I think that as writers we need to consider what the aim of our stories are. With the 150K+ fic, I'm just trying to write politics with a poly-pan main character at the center of it and to use a manga/anime that squandered its setting and premise. With the 51K fic, I wanted to write about a rare pair (Rabou/Yato) and practice some literary devices as well as writing exercises. I... think I reached/am reaching my goal.

(And if I'm being honest, I think my 150K+ fic is better than the other one. It might be longer but the prose is better and is more action (less being in characters heads).)

I know some just want to share their thoughts but let me tell you, there is something sinfully good about creating something with all the layers you imagined. Like going from stick figure sketches to carving angels in marble. I'm not saying you can't write good stories without getting better at writing, but... god. The things we can do with just words... And the beauty of well-structured stories with beautiful prose?

And that's why I think it's important for writers to examine their stories. Why is your fic getting so long? Is there an underlying issue? And if you didn't mean it, are you fine keeping it like that? Writing more fics that you know go nowhere? Sag in the middle? I know we're just try to have fun but we can also make beauty at the same time - or just indulge ourselves. Just... know which you're doing. (And this is NOT me saying you have to do anything! It's supposed to be fun. Have fun!)

Very few fics need to be longer than a short novel. When we start getting into multiple hundreds of thousands of words, usually, we've actually just planned poorly, gotten stuck in the interminable middle of a story we haven't planned an ending for, or caved to peer pressure to write more of something that's come past its expiry date as a concept.

[purrincess-chat]

Something that has been on my mind today since reading Rae's post this morning might ruffle a few feathers, but I feel like sharing my perspective. This isn't directed at any one person because I've seen it in numerous places from numerous people over the last several months, and I'm not looking to start any fights, just sharing my experience.

A lot of the outcry I've seen about pre reveal Adrinette "ruining" the love square or not being fair to x side or whatever grievance people have is giving me salty side of the fandom vibes. I say this as someone who was once part of the salt crowd and left for various reasons I've talked about over time. Now, these people making these posts might scoff at that notion because "unlike the salters I actually love the show," but the thing about salters is they once loved the show too.

The thing about fandom is it's a double edged sword. It's fun to make headcanons and write fanfic about our faves in situations. It's fun to speculate about what all of the little pieces and clues and crumbs in canon mean. But when the lines between fanon and canon get blurred, that's when things get tricky. It's fun until it isn't.

As someone who was once part of the salt crowd who had many friends who took pleasure in ripping the show apart, I can tell you that a vast majority of the vitriol came from unmet expectations. We got it in our heads that something would happen or should happen in order for the show to be good, and when those very hyper specific things didn't happen, we got mad. "It's bad writing" we would say. "It's not fair" we would cry. "Canon would be better if it just did what we wanted." From our perspective, we loved the show a lot and wanted to see it done well. We wanted to see a good story told because we loved the characters and the universe. At least, that's how I felt. I wrote numerous salt fics after Chameleon and started arguably one of the worst salt trends to come from that episode with the whole 'Marinette changes schools and gets revenge' trope. But eventually, for me, the constant negativity reached a point that was unhealthy, and I started to recognize the anger and disappointment I felt towards the writers bleeding into my psyche and corrupting me. I no longer enjoyed the show I once loved. My days were full of arguments with strangers over fictional people. I was angry. I would lash out at anyone who disagreed with me. I was miserable. So I pumped the brakes. I took breaks from the fandom to work through my own issues. I asked myself why I was even here at all if I wasn't enjoying it. And ultimately I decided I did still enjoy the show even with all of its flaws, and I accepted that canon was going to do whatever canon was going to do. When I came back to fandom, I found I no longer related to the salt crowd, so I left it behind. I mass unfollowed everyone in the fandom minus a few trusted mutuals and friends. Over the last couple years I've slowly started branching out again, being extremely picky about who I follow this time. So when I say this, it comes from a place of experience because a lot of the posts I've seen floating around from people who admonish the salters and tout themselves as not being like the salters are starting to look familiar. As Dr. Taylor Swift once said, "I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending." The salters started out the same way, at least the ones I knew. They originally loved canon, then one thing happened that they didn't quite like. Then the next tiny little thing became more noticeable. Then they started noticing a lot of things. Then they started looking for things to notice. And it snowballed from there to what it is now: a group of bitter, disgruntled ex-fans whose expectations were never met.

I'm not saying the people posting about their disapproval of pre reveal Adrinette are all terrible bad people on par with the salters. Nor am I saying they will ever get that bad necessarily. I'm just saying that these posts, to me, resemble the beginning of that road. Certain expectations that weren't met by canon, and anyone who even tries to suggest that those expectations weren't meant to happen are wrong and don't understand the show clearly because if you did, you'd agree with our anger.

Maybe I'm just jaded with fandom. Maybe I'm too old. Maybe I'm a biased Adrinette stan that is happy to see the two kids finally getting together after 4.5 seasons of dancing circles around each other. 🤷‍♀️ But when I came back and changed my tune toward the show I accepted canon for what it is. It's fun. It's cringy. It has good parts and bad parts. It's neither the terrible, awful shitshow the salters make it out to be nor the perfectly innocent devoid of any flaws angel that its highest praisers make it out to be. It is what it is. I told myself a long time ago that I just want to see the love square get together by whatever means necessary. If the writers feel like pre reveal Adrinette is necessary, then that's just what it is. No amount of me bitching about what could've been, would've been, should've been will change that. If I'm really disgruntled, I'll go write a fic about what I wanted to happen instead. That's what fandom is for. That was fanfic's original purpose. It was a writer's ability to say "but what if this happened instead?"

Idk. A lot of the takes I've seen in fandom lately just leave a bad taste in my mouth and remind me of a time in my fandom history that I've worked hard to move on from. This fandom has been dying for years, and I think s5 will be the final nail in the coffin.

[abyssalzones]

what books from your library would you recommend?

God where do I BEGIN with this one. That's a really good question... You'll have to bear with me if I get long-winded.

My current highest recommendation is definitely Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer.

This one comes high on a lot of people's lists so it's possible you've already read it but I'm going to sing its praises anyway. Annihilation is a fantastic sci-fi read and it's some of the best sci-fi I've ever read full stop. It's best to go into it with very little prior knowledge- but it's weird, and it's wild, and I love it dearly. This is the book I'd recommend to anyone who wanted a closer understanding of how I think. It feels very personally catered for me, and while that's not a great indicator of how you may enjoy it, I believe it's worth your time. (If you've seen the movie, read it anyway. I haven't watched it but it seems... vastly different. In a bad way. I don't like the decisions they made for the movie.)

Annihilation is the first in a trilogy, although I've only read the first two- and I'd very much recommend the second in the series (Authority) even though it takes a bit to pick up where the last one left off.

This next one might come a little more difficult to fully recommend without some forewarning, but I still think Piranesi by Susanna Clarke holds enough merit to make up for its shortcomings.

Piranesi is... difficult to describe. It's fantasy, but a grounded-in-reality kind of fantasy where your perception of what is happening is vitally important. Perspective is key, and that's what I think makes it such a fascinating read-- when you go back after the first time, there's a lot to notice. I think saying it has a dreamlike quality to it would be accurate.

The reason I'm cautious about recommending it is that I do not appreciate Susanna Clarke's thinly veiled homophobia when it comes to one of the antagonistic figures- a gay man who is often described as perverse or predatory. I don't believe the protagonist is meant to be read as straight either- for multiple reasons- but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Proceed with caution, armed with critical thinking skills.

My reasons for recommending The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams should be abundantly obvious. It's a hallmark of sci-fi, and a great read- especially if you love a good, endearing sci-fi narrative that doesn't take itself too seriously.

The host of characters is deeply endearing, the story is wild as hell, and the comedy actually lands. There isn't much else to say, really. I've had very little in the way of free time lately (that I don't spend working on personal projects) so I've only gotten through the first book and a half, but I can't imagine the rest of the series will seriously impact my opinion. Unless they're going to throw a major curveball at me, in which case: don't quote me.

I'm going to show my hand a little here, but I actually prefer the Welcome to Night Vale novel series to the podcast itself. Both are wonderful- the books just tap my brain a little better. You're welcome to read the novels in any order you please (I believe there are three at the moment) but I recommend starting from the beginning anyway. You do not have to have considerable knowledge of the podcast to enjoy Welcome to Night Vale by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor.

Everything you anticipate is probably accurate. It's weird, and moving, and a very special experience. I've also read It Devours! (Which was actually the first of the series I read) and it's just as incredible if not moreso.

I'm going to cut myself short because I could probably go on for a while like this but I do want to suggest a non-fiction book to break the trend. The Zoologist's Guide to the Galaxy by Dr. Arik Kershenbaum is a fantastic non-fiction read if you are at all interested in evolutionary science, zoology, and/or speculative anatomy. All of which are things I am very interested in.

Fun fact: this book has been a massive cornerstone for the development of my comic Escape Velocity! Maybe you'll see some of its influence later.

Other honorable mentions: The Dark Crystal movie novelization and novel series based on the netflix adaptation, The Martian by Andy Weir, Other Words for Smoke by Sarah Maria Griffin, ETC. I need to read more.

[mariaiscrafting]

no, you know what, I’m going to stop vague’ing on the dash. my anger is about to get extremely direct and enraged, so fair warning, but I don’t care about anyone’s comfort right now. I’m going to get fucking mad, and you all will fucking deal.

not a single one of us has the right, or should even have the option, to guess about ccs’ sexualities. I’ve kept my mouth shut when it comes to people analyzing george/dream and guessing they’re some kind of queer, but I’m fucking done. I’m going to go into every single reason “truthing” about ccs’ sexualities is just so beyond fucked.

first of all, this is in response specifically to ranboo and tubbo truthing. being a kid and getting thrown into such a massive spotlight, where you will undoubtedly be subject to some fuck shit eventually because the internet is full of thousands upon thousands of people, is already terrifying and anxiety-inducing and damaging enough. but for their own audiencemembers - their own supposed fucking “fans” - to take it one step further and speculate about their sexualities? oh, for the love of god. I can barely believe I even have to explain how fucked that is. it is one thing to be friends with or close to someone in real life and recognize your own queer struggle in them, to approach them with sympathy and support in case they are questioning. it is another thing entirely to speculate about the sexuality of someone you don’t even know, and to then take it a step further and “truth” about your fucking theories. you are not an expert, you are not their friend, and you are not a fucking oracle. you can guess all you want about a cc’s sexuality, you can comment on how their actions or behaviors or words resonate with you when you were questioning or closeted, but to go ahead and take your own speculation as truth is arrogant, presumptous, and damaging as all hell. 

I can just imagine what it would’ve been like if I’d grown an online platform that ripped me of my privacy when I was a teenager and trying to figure out my own sexuality. if I had a section of my audience analyzing my every social media post, the inflection in my voice and the nature of my laughs, my every interaction with my best friend, you know what I would’ve done? retreated so far into the closet that I would probably have tricked myself into thinking I was heterosexual. I would’ve been so fucking terrified and felt so stripped of any privacy or control I had over my own goddamn thoughts; do you understand how fucking vile that is? have none of you ever been terrified of giving away your own sexuality through your mannerisms and facial expressions and words, while you were closeted? have none of you ever experienced that utter fucking terror when you notice someone start to question your sexuality, the immediate urge to retreat and back up and act and believe the complete opposite just to prove them wrong and go back to the safety and security of them believing you were straight? for fuck’s sake, now imagine that feeling amplified a hundred fold, applied not just to one instance or one person in your life, but to thousands. do y’all not understand just how a) morally fucked it is to inflict this same kind of practice onto someone you supposedly care about and support, and b) potentially psychologically damaging this could be to ccs who are closeted, especially the fucking minors? oh my fucking god.

that isn’t even to point out why people do this shit - which is to project and find solace and derive some kind of enjoyment out of cc’s. that’s what cc’s are there for; they are entertainers, first and foremost, which continues outside of streams and bleeds into fandom culture and the kind of enjoyment fans can make out of interacting with other fans and creating their own fan content. the problem with this fact is that fans take it too far, like 85% of the time. cc’s aren’t just there for our own enjoyment. they are fucking people, oh my lord. they are real people that we will never know, and while we may have our fun with our little theories and talking to other fans and making and watching cute compilations and writing fanfiction and making fanart, we are just deriving entertainment from the parts of themselves they choose to show us. that persona they put on for the stream, that is not 100% them. they are real, rounded, 3-d, full people who we only ever get the privilege of witnessing a small sliver of. and we need to fucking remember that, because we can’t just keep running with the ideas of ccs that we have in our heads and treating them like they’re malleable characters for our own entertainment. 

anyways, specifically about truthing (and mind you, this is the point in the rant where a little of my anger starts to seep out because I’m tired and it’s 1:40 AM and I have class tomorrow): there’s so many things that can be said about gaydar. I’m not here to argue whether or not it exists, or the details of the morality of straight versus non-straight people engaging in the practice of truthing. I’m just here to say that, even if you believe gaydar exists and can be accurate when employed by non-straight people, that still only applies to people you fucking know. what you see of a cc is not “getting to know” them. what you are seeing is one face of a multi-faceted jewel, cut in far more ways that you can ever hope to one day perceive. your theories are just those - theories. whatever you might think of the giggles you heard or the pickup lines you saw uttered or the softness you imagine between x and y, human interaction is far too complex and laced with meaning for some rando on the internet who watches youtube videos and twitch streams to fully grasp from two entertainers working from behind a screen. your gaydar is not going to fucking work through a screen, fuck off with that shit.

another thing that’s fucking bothering me so much is this assumption that comes with being at all open about queerness when you yourself are not queer. ik this is just one of the many factors “truthers” use to justify the findings of their totally infallible, prophetic gaydar, but it’s a factor nonetheless, and it bothers the fuck outta me. someone being willing to express support for lgbt people or donate to lgbt chairities or open to conversations with other lgbt people about lgbt endeavors is not evidence of queerness. to say that it is contributes to the harmful belief that cishets still have that they cannot be any of those things - that is, exceedingly open about and to queerness - without being perceived as queer themselves. 

anyways, and now we are at the bottom line, which is that, this entire conversation wouldn’t even have to be had if people just fucking listened to cc boundaries. ranboo and tubbo do not like being shipped. it is that fucking simple. i know that it is tempting to ship two people you think are cute together. i know it is tempting to indulge in a dynamic you find comforting. but idgaf. temptation is not an excuse. find some fictional characters to ship, and kindly fuck off.

[cha0ticr0b0tic]

On Izzy Hands and Old Movies

I really have to hand it to OFMD and probably also my own neurodivergent brain that needs to connect everything to each other, like a Pepe Silvia bulletin board –

In analyzing the sort of “filmbro masculinity” I saw in Izzy, I’m now finding myself contributing, in my own way, to “queering the filmbro” and that’s led to me understanding not just my gender, but how movie genres can be played with, subverted, and reworked because hey, we’re not in the 40s anymore, we don’t need to censor ourselves. With Izzy, the sort of Hays Code-era subtext he uses is the closest thing he’ll get to actual text and that speaks volumes in a show made in 2022 that is out and proud.

I’ve seen Tweets from David Jenkins where he mentions films that inspired his own writing, like Heat and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and it’s like hey! I should check these out not just because they’re part of OFMD’s DNA, but because these are also explorations into masculinity that might impact my own writing. I want to make subtext actual text, because the Izzys throughout cinematic history deserve it, man. 

My personal happy place is neo-noir (Reservoir Dogs, David Fincher, Martin Scorsese, what have you) but now I’m exposing myself to buddy movies from the “New Hollywood” era of filmmaking, back in the 60s and 70s. (Mean Streets is both a crime and buddy movie so it was a good one for me to start with). This is a traditionally homoerotic genre but somehow they’re always ending in tragedy – haven’t seen Butch & Sundance yet, but I did watch Midnight Cowboy for the first time yesterday and it was incredible and depressing and absolutely WILD that it won Best Picture back in 1969 given its subject matter. (For Izzy fans, Con O’Neill starred in a stage play version of Midnight Cowboy, as Rico Rizzo.)

There’s been some talk lately about “filmbros” being anyone who watches things outside of major franchises – this has been applying to international film but I think it probably also applies to the older stuff, too. Obviously not everything made in the 60s and 70s is going to have aged well, but that doesn’t mean they’re not important. Not to get all irritating and pretentious but these movies don’t spoon feed you, don’t set you up to follow heroic or even likeable characters, but they have a lot to say about society and (especially in the 60s/70s) capitalism and what it does to people. I love speculative fiction, always have always will, but I think there is something to be said about films that follow everymen just trying to make it.

I don’t know, I just think it’s neat how I started out trying to crack a character in a fun TV show and am now trying to give myself a crash course in buddy movies, who’d have thought I’d end up here?