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causenessus · 1 month

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hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it’s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

#IT'S MIDNIGHT NO </3 #i should sleep unfortunately </3 #I WANTED TO WRITE BC IT'S THUNDERING AND RAINING LIKE CRAZY RN #BUT IT'LL ALSO BE NICE TO SLEEP THROUGH IT #I LOVE YOU MANGO ANON!! CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM U NEXT UR SO AMAZING <3 #answers <3 #mango anon <3

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manonamora-if · 11 months

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i dont know if u feel up for it to answer but like... how do u handle negative comments and ratings and just people being negative about ur stuff? bc i have someone just being rude in comments or like notes and game folders on itch and its making me want to just delete everything and never show anyone anything anymore. or even have an acocunt on itch either.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, and that it took me so long to answer. I've been thinking about this for a while honestly. I've been writing a bunch of drafts for this one, because my answer seems to change with the day or my mood. Some of my stuff have had some strange interactions lately that's made me question whether I should stay on itch myself. I mean, I don't think I'll ever leave... there are too many fun jams I want to participate and, you know, to force people to play my weird stuff. But I've been more anxious about new stuff or updates I share recently.

I don't blame you for wanting an out. Some users will poison one's experience of a platform, that even opening the site would give them anxiety. It doesn't take much to have events or projects soured. Often, just a few rude words is enough to make accounts disappear without a word. And many platform don't have good safety nets (blocking, moderation, reports) to temper or avoid these situations. Many will have half-ass solutions that, at the end of the day, still allows interactions from blocked users. It's easy to wonder if all of this is worth it...

Anyway, the very boring and short answer to your question: it depends.

The probably as boring and long one is a bit of a ramble:

It depends on the day, or the mood I have. It's easier to deal with comments when I'm confident and things are going find; but I'd feel more hurt or have a harder time dealing with them when I'm a bit more morose (I think most people feel this way). I'll disregard any (even barely) negative points some days, only to take it into consideration a few days later. <- this especially during jam/comps time, just need time to digest criticism of any kind.

It also depends on the content of the comment, their tone, and intent of the commenter. Not all negative comments are on the same level. I've had negative comments in the past where the commenter was genuine, and really gave my stuff a shot, bringing interesting points or important concerns. And though it hurt a bit, because being told you made a mistake sucks, those helped me grow. But those are the good kinds of comments...

On the other hand, I try to disregard the trolls, and the abusive comments (towards my work or me), the ones where the engagement was clearly not done in good faith... you know, the ones who will literally tell me I've made the world worse by uploading my games on itch. Doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me at all*. Some of them really hurt or made me angry and frustrated, some have lingered for hours or days in my mind, a few made me close to delete stuff as well. Words are not just empty things without meaning... *I've had to block a few people both here and other places recently because of it, they had become so insistent on wanting to engage with me while bashing most of my work, my values or the few aspects of my identity that I've shared online.

It would be easy to say I just don't give them the time of day or any of my energy, or that I pretend they don't exist, because, if I do, then the trolls win. But that would be lying. Obviously.

Screaming to the void/a pillow or ranting to friends have helped get rid of my anger and frustration. I've laughed with others about some comments I got (usually the bad faith ones, some of them are funny in how sad/bad they were). I think what worked best for me was just turn off the computer and go outside for a bit. Or turned off the internet and play silly games on my phone. Or picked up a book. Or watch a movie. Essentially, any activity that would distract me from it and force me to take a break. And when none of this worked, because some trolls are just that insistent, blocking/deleting stuff*. *unfortunately, it's not always possible, see second paragraph again.

It does suck that you're kinda forced to grow a thicker skin to enjoy or even exist in those spaces, and I wish those would be friendlier... but I don't think social platforms/the internet is going in that direction anytime soon.

Maybe not super helpful to your decision, but borogove.io hosts IF games (without ratings or comments, though people can download the files), so does the IFDB through the IFArchive (but there are ratings/reviews there, also can be downloadable). I've seen other peeps host their stuff on neocities (no ratings/comments). None of those platforms are like itch, in the positives or the negative. Or just be old school, and email stuff.

#ask box #gosh I wish I had more concrete stuff to help #or a more positive mindset on things #but yea #I hope things get better for you anon #and that you find what's best for you!#lots of rambles #sorry

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abimee · 1 year

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as someone who had to go to college bc it was the only conceivable way for me to escape an abusive environment, striaght up: dont go to college. your post is so true, if youre mentally ill (or physically ill, esp chronically) No One Gives A SHIT. i had an incident where i had to go to urgent care i was so sick and my professor was still like "Well. you need to show up to class or youre absent. if you have 2 absences, you fail automatically." so i had to show up half-dead. no one helps you. im also bipolar and went to my college's counselor for help and while she was a lovely woman she didnt support me much there she didnt know much about the disorder. the only way i was able to graduate was bc i was getting an art degree and making things i was already going to make anyway, if that makes sense, and ironically my anxiety disorder was helpful but oh my god it was so bad for my mental health!! so bad and awful!!

tldr: fuck everybody who starts berating you college sucks and theyre all fucking ableist as hell AND on TOP of that it is just such a classist ass money pit and its Not Fucking Worth It

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS and its SO FUNNY when people tell me to ''get a scholarship'' because news flash asshole; scholarships expect things from you like Bs in all your classes and to actually gaduate, when I can barely pull it together for a B in a class im GOOD AT in HIGHSCHOOL.

I WAS ALSO IN SPECIAL EDUCATION! My math class only went up to a 6th grade level, I never did pre-algebra! I dont even know how to go calculus or trig or any math involving letters and complex systems because my own highschool special education classes didnt teach me it because I wasnt capable enough for it yet! So even if i try to go into college on a scholarship theyll definitely revoke mine and make me pay for it in full once I have a manic episode and stop showing up for a week and then come back and have to tell my teachers ''yeah i never learned any of this in highschool. i was smoking cigarettes in dugouts instead of going to class''

like i am just Not someone who will make it through college unless they give me 30 different accomodations because I already dont have the money to deal with my Mysterious Body Proclems and my severe mixed bipolar that sends me into hysterics monthly in rapid cycles. Not to mention in highschool they found out that i just literally cannot learn in your typical school setup of sitting in a classroom with other people but they wont allow me to do homeschooling/online classes because im so Bipolar that if im left by myself for a long periods of time i may hurt myself. So im literally the most physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially unfit person for college 😭👍 AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL FOR!!! IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT ART FOR AN ART DEGREE, I CANT DO MATH, I AM TOO MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR THINGS LIKE SOCIAL OR RELIGIOUS STUDIES, ETC.

Literally just a crockpot of unwell yet every time people find out i never went to college they act like im some dead end loser destined for nothing like gee thanks this makes me feel way better about myself, i bet you love making me feel bad from your ivory tower because you think im just lazy and not a literal psychotic threat to myself on every level. drives me MAD!

#i just wanna be a custodian with a girlfriend dont tell me to go to college thats just the equiv of saying i should contemplate the noose #because stepping into any sort of classroom for more than 15 minutes makes the rope from the ceiling sound more pleasant AAAAAA

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theendofuno · 1 year

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okay….haii tl;dr: i want to throw myself from a reactor nuclear and besides loving this page dearly keeping it daily isnt helping me with these kinda of thought so ill start a god-knows-who-long hiatus

now *puts a music box version of meltdown by iroha for dramatic purposes* *cleans throat* pretending im talking to an audience its easier for me okay dont judge me :(

i dont know how to write texts but ill try my best to explain everything without going into too much annoying stuff but the text may have a few suicide mentions here and there

okay

i created this page in a very dark period of my life that never went away, it actually worsened everyday. it was supposed just to be fun and games, "oh this character didnt got released this month, maybe drawing him everyday for a month until he gets here will be very funny!!!" *stares at 2 years*

as you can see, i didnt had ANY prepare to keep going for the long we did, but this is 100% not a complain

i really love this page, i really do love everyone i've met, i love having this project with my best friend, but i cant and wont lie: it made me VERY worse than i already was. it made me feel good, it made me feel loved, it made me feel human again, and at the same time it absolutely killed me

having to keep this consistence everyday, having to do good drawings, not allowing myself to do what it was better for my own health just because i didnt wanted to disappoint people with silly drawings when the first week was all cool drawings full colored with a bunch of details, references and etc

i really lost my count of how many times i had a terrible breakdown or even an attempt and my first thought was just "yeah that sucked. anyway i have to work so people will have some art tomorrow!"

and to be honest i dont think starting this page with my friend was…..that of a good idea. i know youre here just for their art. you dont need to lie i know theyre better than i am and you would prefer to see their art everyday other than mine. dont worry the feeling its mutual

but well theyre a slow artist and i wont be the one forcing them to draw everyday, i am the one that can do it and thats what i did for 300 days until now!

but that was something that kinda broke my feelings also cuz im very harsh on myself and keeping comparing their drawings to mine, not only the quality but also the different attention it all got (and sometimes it was almost a 20 likes difference so..sucks to be me ig) isnt doing good for my little damaged brain. its 100% not their fault tho and im not saying it is KJGDKFDK but if im going to be honest then i will

i dont know how to keep going the text tbh,, so,, my point is that im havent felt well since i started the page, and i love it with my whole heart, and these feelings have nothing to do with uno, grand chase itself, or the community (maybe a 2% fault go for annoying people from twitter /hj), im just being a little egoistic and doing this for myself or otherwise i can go completely insane and well. psych wards dont look funny :(

i really feel nasty, an HORRIBLE human being, absolute egoistic trash by abandoning the page, i feel SO FUCKING BAD for not drawing my son, by not updating here everyday and allowing people to see the silly stuff i do, but i guess i got to my breaking point where i just cant keep ignoring my suicide attempts by drawing and keeping my mouth shut (really, my last attempt was so scary i didnt fully recovered from)

yeahhhhhhh

i guess that was it

i pinky-promise i'll try my best to keep drawing and posting everytime i can, but it wont be daily, and it may not be weekly also, but i didnt gave up and i WONT gave up, this page is my absolute pride and joy and i cant just let it go away for a bad mental day. i still love and forever will love uno and drawing him, and i'll be forever happy for everyone i've met and helped me even without they knowing, just by liking or commenting on my stuff

i hope you guys can forgive me for abandoning stuff right now and i hope y'all dont forget me. i wont be mad if you forget me. i'll just be a little sad. maybe cry a little *stares at you like that ( ◕_◕)* but dont worry. its okay.

i'll be trying my best to get back posting daily at least around day 330, but dont put high hopes. please. dont expect much. bigs chances i'll be just dropping a stick man with a heart ahoge saying haiiiii and go back to posting silly ugly art

#daily-uno

4 notes · View notes

icharchivist · 1 year

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gosh, mentioning your friend who got bowled over by act 2 autumn must’ve been foreshadowing, because I, who foolishly was like, oh I don’t think I’ll relate to azami that much he’s very different from me but it’ll be fun to see autumn, cried twice while going thru the back half of this story. jeez. I’ll may have to be a bit less chronological than usual for the sake of keeping all of that stuff later.

zombie run night was rly great! more like zombie fun night amirite. I’m sorry I make bad jokes. banri getting azami to be a zombie as well was so nice like. again he’s being a good leader.

tenma being scared of zombies makes sense obviously. I’m with him. not zombies but when I was staying with a relative a while back I found a lizard the length of my hand in the bathroom and then refused to use that bathroom for the rest of my stay.

I really liked the eyeball necklace detail—it made the event feel real and also considerate? the moment yuki just went … at tenma I Knew he had planted the necklace on him tho. he’s so funny for that. seeing that and being like yeah tenma you’re so right. you don’t need to participate. cant believe mankai didn’t recognize banri when he caught them. azami must have some stellar makeup skills

azami going after sakyo and haunting him abt his budget lifestyle was sooo funny. like I was bracing for something slightly charged to happen but it was just funny. and he had a good time!! I’m glad. I liked that banri was like. still encouraging to azami even tho his acting motives aren’t the purest lol. I mean to be fair he has no room to talk there but it’s also just nice to like. meet him where he’s at. like we see azami doesn’t really get The Feeling until closing night but. things take time.

azami and omis whole thing was. so good. like the way he won’t even like accept a bandaid is so. azami… I loved the way they resolved it? first seeing omi juza and tsuzuru talking in uni was cool. but then kumon approaching azami was like. so nice. again the way that they like talk and kumon’s like I miss summer! and u can Hear the smile in azamis voice when he’s like come on summer literally just ended!

but him being awkward around omi bc he’s not sure what a mother should be like… gosh. like the way he describes the whole thing as like. strange and confusing I’m going to vote the wall like. like yeah actually that’s exactly how it feels when someone is kind to you in a way you haven’t yet experienced it makes you want to throw it off immediately bc it’s like whoa whoa hold on. I’m not allowed this kind of thing. anyways just. no wonder he likes kumon so much that guy is like, effusive in his praise and azami probably likes having ppl around who are Nice like that. loved omis portrait. it was so good. and it like. absolutely sucks that he had to grow up that quick. very nice to see nachi again, though. but when kid-omi was like: one day in the future. I’ll take a break for myself :) omi. omi I’m shaking you. have you ever really done that. well ig now that he’s living in mankai he’s letting his family take care of housework and stuff? but like, still.

minor note but when they’re doing a street act it was rly cool to see juza just like seamlessly and confidently advertise the play. he’s come so far…

*cracks knuckles* alright all of that was warmup now it’s time for the BIG STUFF. azami almost got hit by a car!!!! the cg there was like. So Good. like the way sakyo is absolutely Frazzled… yeah. like god I keep thinking abt that cg. its sooo. wow!! i dont think ive seen sakyo look so distressed!!! hes not wearing glasses bc he was so shocked that he ended up breaking his glasses in the rush to get there!! its like. azami look... u have a dad that wishes for your every happiness... and azami is just Sitting There mostly unharmed and looking a little confused like huh… why’s sakyo looking so out of sorts… it’s wonderful. and the way sakyo is like even if it was just a scrape I need to find who did this and hurt them. like godddd and the way he’s like “so I don’t even have the right to worry about you anymore?” I am. Going to cry.

what rly got me tho was like the whole jin-gi-oh cards though bc like first off sakyo remembered ALL of them but also!! also just the way u can hear azami kind of mumble stutter like we-well I bet he doesn’t even remember the card stuff (why would he really care about me…) and then sakyo clearly Does. and it’s just like.

it’s so clear that while sakyo is convinced that he barely has the right to talk to azami bc he betrayed him by chasing after his dream… a lot of what azami is worried about is that sakyo doesn’t care about him anymore. like imagine you’re fourteen and you’ve just learned that the guy you secretly think of as your dad, who’s like the only one that’s supported your dreams, is leaving you to pursue his own. without you. and you get into a huge fight with him about it and storm off. and then a week passes and you don’t hear from him. months pass and you don’t hear from him. whenever he’s around doing ginsenkai stuff you just… don’t really talk to him. and you’re fourteen maybe fifteen so you’re too embarrassed to reach out first. besides if he left that easily maybe this whole thing was just a job to him, huh? maybe he never liked you as much as you liked him. whatever. whatever. it’s fine. like the “I bet he’s having so much fun now” line azami says… it’s so clear he believes like. oh sakyo was slumming it with me and left for greener pastures.

and of course sakyo is sitting there like oh I’ve committed the biggest betrayal ever by not supporting his dreams well enough. he probably hates me and doesn’t want to ever see my face again. and like that’s not helping.

and then you run away from your bio dad because you can’t let go of your own dreams and when you don’t have anywhere to go it turns out that you can actually run to the place sakyo went to. and strangest of all sakyo is letting you stay. like the way he just. the pause he has when sakyo says he’s basically his guardian. the feeling of. sakyo is… admitting that? does he… does he WANT to be my dad (I thought he didn’t want to—)

and now you’re here in a hospital and just saw sakyo was super worried about you and also like. maybe treasures you in the way that you thought he did. sakyo says his story of running away is about a pathetic kid but it’s also like. for azami he just learned that the card thing he did with sakyo and liked so much that he still keeps them carefully is actually a parent-child thing sakyo did with his own mom!!! it’s like. oh my god.

azami talking abt his own experience with buying cards and then his dad trashing them, though… I. hm. I am going to leave the section abt azami’s bio dad alone bc I’m tempted to get mean about it and I kind of want to leave that for later.

so, skipping forward to the actual play… it was so cool to see summer come in for support! and I always love seeing how the chapters extend what we see in the actual play. also the voice acting that’s good too. the one thing I noticed was like. “you remember the boy with brown hair you killed three years ago?” who’s going to tell them that taichis hair is as red as ever. so roy’s hair was never brown. it got kinda brown when he became undead? but before I don’t think it was.

cannot believe those asshole delinquents were the ones who almost hit azami. the title “buff high schooler” is just rly funny to me tho. sakoda chasing after azami and then calling everyone was so good of him. smart choice my guy. love how everyone in autumn (minus taichi who seems a little nervous) is like. it’s fighting time. very cool to see all of natsugumi volunteer to be opening act. was confused by the “I always repay my debts” line but I think it’s for banri acting as stand in for kumon? which is nice bc it’s like. tenma is the one saying this so it rly just gives the idea that like. natsugumi is a team yknow. and later when they do the acting it meshes so well with the actual play? bc like they had a specific point where they were like oh let’s adlib and do some comedy that’s undead related to make sure the play isn’t a bummer. and then here’s natsugumi just doing like those sorts of jokes.

anyways back to azamis kidnapping.

muku: won’t it be bad if they see ur faces?

me: …ah. I have. the faintest idea of where this is going [judo bear nozaki flashes to my head]

THE CG WAS. THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF A CG EVER ITS SO GOOD. I LOST MY SHIT. THE HOLLOW EYES R KINDA TERRIFYING IN A REALLY FUNNY WAY. TAICHI THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA. the guitar / bass guitar (? idk instruments) that rolls in during this scene is amazingggg. it’s just the like instrumental break part of respawn which is. I went and listened to that after finishing boyhood collage and the song is like, sooooo good. much love to it. the rly fast vocal parts made me think of the fast parts of worlds end dancehall. which is like also apocalyptic setting so that was cool. also I love worlds end dancehall.

they were so funny during this tho. sakyo going “roooar. give us back our friend, you punkass kids.” and juza forgetting what bears sound like so he just literally goes “beaaarrrr” what are you a Pokémon?

and sakoda running towards azami!!! <3 I grew soooo much affection for sakoda in this story tbh like he takes care of azami so well!

thought it was very interesting that like. when they return, everyone in natsugumi is audibly exhausted minus tenma (he’s probably got great acting stamina) and misumi (I don’t think he says any lines here? but he’s probably just got excellent physical stamina. and he and tenma did start out with the like best acting chops of the troupe) which is a cool detail.

and then azami just carefully opening up that he was terrified. not of being hit but of disappointing them and the play. and then when he says to sakyo… “I’m only saying this once, but when I was a kid, I always thought of you as my dad. And… I still do.” IM GOING TO CRY. idk. like the way that azami just Says That and let’s it hang there and then they do the play.

izumi: wow the fight scenes r intense today! (please don’t tell me it’s bc they were just actually fighting…)

damn izumi what do u want me to tell you then. huh. they stomped in their with their animal heads and azami pirouetted back to mankai? no violence involved?

and sakoda crying at the play!! again I can hear the smile in azamis voice when sakodas like bawling in front of him. when azami was like. shift couldn’t make it…? I paused and was like. azami implied shift had an interest in theater at the end of act 2 summer… could it be… and then when azami was like “the god troupe, huh…” I was like ahhhh fuck. we shall see what goes on there later ig.

also they bring up vkei again when talking abt what they want to do next and izumi shut it down… what do u have against it! honestly eyes emoji at masumi saying he likes it, tho... mazumi expressing an opinion that doesnt align with izumi's personal tastes??? maybe I’m missing something.

but the ENDING!!!!!

citron: "I have reached my limit..." AND THEN GUYS THERE HES LITERALLY THERE!!!!! I’m assuming the <> for their dialogue means they’re speaking in their native tongue anyways im going to obsess over <Citronia.> <I've come to get you.> / <I've been wondering when you'd get here.> I knew guy was coming to get citron so I’m glad to see that’s confirmed… already gave my theories on the specifics so I’m interested to see if I’m anywhere close to the mark there.

okay and Now I can talk abt azamis bio dad. i. uh. I hate him. actually he really grinds my gears in a way I didn’t think was going to happen. so I’m worried that I’m being like somewhat unfair to him bc I’m projecting my own biases onto him. so I’m sorry if u have like good opinions of him. it’s rly so funny tho I knew azami did like makeup and stuff and I was like “oh I have. No Interest in makeup or skincare so I probably won’t relate to it too hard” and then This happened and it’s like I got hit with a bowling ball.

like goddd. the way azami is like yeah I bought some cards with my allowance, and then my dad who’s not sakyo found out and threw them out. “I learned then to never let my dad get his hands on anything I’d bought with my own money” gah… not to overshare but like, I feel azami so much there. growing up I would like. never want to tell my parents I liked Anything bc I knew they’d be like oh you’re so silly and dumb and stupid for wanting any kind of merch or collectibles! it’s such a hassle!! why do u like this stupid thing!! so. ahah. I went to a concert for the first time this year and I remember my parents thinking it was weird but then one day my dad called me and he was like oh I was talking to a colleague abt the concert you’re going too and he says that band you like is like, super cool and popular. so it’s like ah. ig now that an Adult has approved it I’m a cool kid now. the same way my writing was worth shit and was totally useless until a family friend kept gushing about the way I’d helped their daughter. anyways what I’m saying it is azami I get it.

and his dad then trashed his makeup, too… like the way sakyos defense for the handmade cards were that they were like “yakuza” cards so he couldn’t complain like it’s a flimsy defense but the fact that he even had to like, make a Justification about these cards when it’s like. these handmade cards aren’t going to help azami fit in or make friends at all so like they’re not accomplishing what the store bought ones were for. but like you still need to defend against it.

but yeah the way it’s like. wow at a pretty young age azami was like oh okay. so if I like ANYTHING I can’t tell my dad about it or he might ruin it. do I feel that this is perhaps part of why he seems so cautionary abt romance yeah sure.

the first time I actually teared up during this whole thing was actually sakyo in the hospital telling azami not to give up. that he can do it even in defiance of his parents. and it’s so meaningful bc sakyos like his DAD. and he’s telling him he’ll support him… like idk. something so heartwarming abt a parental figure being like, hey, you need to prize yourself to the point that if needs must, you can even rebel against me.

the conversation sakyo and izumi have after that, too… “after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” this line makes me feel. So Complicated. like I won’t deny the fact that I think azamis dad cares for him on…. Some level…. but it’s like homares grandmother. im glad she loved him but it doesn’t erase the ways that she hurt him, yknow?

also sakyo. you live with misumi tenma and masumi. masumi you can maybe argue his dad caring abt him and same with tenma (but. I mean I’m not HAPPY abt arguing that bc they r rly under baseline care.) but anyways are u gonna do that with misumi’s dad. then again probably only summer troupe knows about the situation there… honestly sakyo probably knows nothing abt the tenma situation too. so he’d only know about masumi and masumis dad seemed like fairly reasonable and nice at the end.

sakoda was so cool here tho. first off having the nerve to even try to still lie about the tickets to protect azami. and then when azami got dragged to his bio dad the fact that sakoda just. started yelling at him? amazing. this made me cry again. like yeah sakodas been watching him… what azamis doing isn’t child’s play! he’s right! and sakoda knows all of this bc he’s been caring abt that kid for forever!! to the point that he’ll yell at the yakuza head like this bc he cares that much!!!

and azami is like. god. I rly love the way he was like. so openly resentful. “Since when have you ever been a father to me?! Dont pull that shit on me now!” ouch. so true though.

and the. the way that uh. “Wh-what are you bowing for? This asshole doesn’t deserve—“ you can HEAR the trembling in his voice. he’s holding back tears. sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways.

anyways I hadn’t thought abt this until now but it’s like huh… yeah no wonder azami made something up. he wouldn’t want to talk abt sakyo in front of sakyo bc that would be like admitting he still cared abt him. and he didn’t want to talk abt his parents in front of sakyo bc uh. it would be complicated ofc. like in his boyhood collage he was like oh I don’t even remember why I ran away, but shift was probably frustrated and stuff. but like clearly azamis mom had just recently died at that point. he probably just didn’t want to talk about that.

the reveal that the magic brush he uses on kumon was his mothers makeup brush, though… like the way it was her cheek blush to make herself look less sick. and he does the same thing for kumon years later. it just makes it… so much more affectionate. ”I wanted to use its magic to make someone happy like that again. I wanted to do for someone else what I could no longer do for my mom.” and YOU DID!!!

and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely.

and the way his reasoning is just like. he just thought azami was making up excuses to run away from the family. that uh. that’s not. true… ugh this part is what made me so frustrated. like azami, after his portrait, so very specifically asserts that’s he’s his son and because of that he’ll do anything for him and ginsenkai family. and it’s like. Yeah. I know what it’s like to be so aware of your position as someone’s child and know that even as you hate them you will also do anything for them even if they won’t recognize that. like… he never even asked. azami was so pissed about getting his makeup trashed that he literally ran away and didn’t come back. and you’re still assuming oh it was a little side hobby, if he REALLY cared about it he would’ve, what, psychic mind beamed the force of his feelings to you? if you had paid attention like sakyo or sakoda you would’ve clearly seen how long and how deeply he’s loved it for. even if it had been for a short time how would you know it wouldn’t grow into something else, anyways. like acting.

also his “study your ass off and aim for the top.” line about makeup and then when he gifts him the makeup set later… good on him for personally buying that stuff. but that line left such a sour taste for me bc it’s like. ugh… honestly it just hit a sore spot bc I remember my parents being like. hi child. you can do like, anything you want supposedly but if you want to do like Anything in the humanities field or arts field you’ll have to be the top 1% of it otherwise you’ll die alone. so like if you’re not good enough to do that just quit (I am implying you’re not good enough). and it’s just like. idk. the sort of implications that if azamis not like the best at makeup ever and also that if he hadn’t chosen to do it bc of his mother and it was just something he Liked, then that reason wouldn’t be enough…? that’s just the vibe I get.

also azamis bio dad being like sigh I’ll tell sayuri you’ve become a strong independent man instead of the family head. it just rly irks me like. even now it felt like hey old man. are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child. because that’s what it feels like.

anyways idk. I hope azami has more space later in life to be a bit more resentful bc I think he deserves it, yknow? I think the way the whole thing went down like, Made Sense bc why would that guy like admit he had hurt his son… that’s like. unrealistic. so I don’t think the story was written badly or anything. it just made me like. really sad. azami didn’t end up loudly crying (im not counting the wailing he has to do in the play for his dead dad.) and like that makes sense to me. actually I think it was very Cool Of Him to never lose his composure That Badly. uh and he’s going to do great considering he as a middle schooler is like rolling normally with college students. but I just want him to be like. feel safe even when he’s not excelling, yknow?

I fear I lost the plot or rambled a bit too hard there at the end, so sorry if it’s incoherent!! I rly like azami!! this was a very good story. im also ridiculously excited for winter.

HUH OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT LMAO. a3 relatability strikes again?

let's go into it!

dFKJDFKLFDJ zombie fun night is perfect. Banri is really being a good leader and figuring out how to have Azami engage with what they're going to do it's just. god Banri is good.

HELPP. Tenma scaredycat, but also for the lizard thing, so valid, i would do the same. AND HELP for the necklace. This is so funny. and yeah Azami's makeup skills truly are shining there! DLKFJDKLFJD being so used to a3 dropping emotional bombs that this just ended up being funny makes it even softer. But yeah agreed on the way Banri coaches him and still encourages him even though it's obvious Azami doesn't feel the same way about theater yet. For Banri who went from uninterested to "this is my whole life actually", it must be jarring to look at this past mirror, but even more reasons to take it easy.

God the Omi and Azami scene was so good. (friend was staring into oblivion during this whole scene and then cursed me. I would love to be all awww but i couldn't stop laughing.)

But yeah it was so nice that like, so many of them worked together in trying to help out? like it really shows that they're really all a family and a community now, and they'll try to help with their newest members as well. AND AWW. yeah Summer is happiness itself. always missing them. even Azami cannot resist them.

BUT YEAH Azami's awkwardness aroound Omi is just. man. Exactly as you say, it's just, difficult to approach right. but yeah it does serve to justify why it goes smoothly with Kumon on the other hand. Omimi's portrait… just, absolutely heartbreaking again as always. I wonder if Omi did take a break when he was being a delinquant and therefore is doubling down on being of service because he still feels guilty for this time. or if him joining the theater troupe is his vision of taking a break since it means his family has to handle things on their own. Or maybe like Juza and Taichi he's just being too hard on himself.

JUZA SO GOOD. ALWAYS.

and here's the meat of it! yes that CGI was so good man. You really feel just how important Azami is to Sakyo in that image. Also if i recall correctly, Kumon panicked over the phone so they really all expected it to be bad while it was just, Kumon panicking, which somewhat makes it even funnier to me. Anyway. Sakyo good dad. that's all i'd say. god this scene is so emo. AND YESS SOBS THE CARDS STUFF. IT'S GENUINELY SO EMO. Azami not able to believe Sakyo would care this much while of course Sakyo does, come on and it's just. god this arc. God the whole way you describe Azami's thoughtprocess is bringing me to tears. I feel like this is exactly how he felt it yeah. Sakyo is worrying about how he "betrayed" Azami by leaving while Azami would have been just fine with it if it didn't feel like Sakyo was abandonning him and only thinking of him as a duty, and it's just. godd. and goddd the way you describe the rest i'm just. soso emo. They really have a neat relationship, a hurt neither of them were able to explain to the other and therefore they hurt one another like that, but they genuinely care so much and want to be part of each other's lives and and y'know what Azami maybe Sakyo is the only dad you need.

SUMMER SO COOL YEAH!! And yeah the play is pretty nice, though yeah. I guess with Azami at makeup they tried new hair things but Taichi's hair stayed too red for it all smh! but i guess in a huge theater it might not matter so much.

SAKODA IS SOOOO GOOD, UNSUNG MVP OF THIS EPISODE. yeah for Tenma's "i always repay my debts" it's about how Autumn helped Kumon out, so Summer is going to help Autumn and Azami out as well basically. And yeah Tenma definitely see them as a team, he's Natsugumi's leader and therefore he speaks for and takes debts for all of Natsugumi. What a lad. But Natsugumi did such a good job and i love how hard they helped on this one. truly MVPs.

Also yes i love how all of Autumn was ready to fight except Taichi who was nervous, but i love even more that it's Taichi who comes up with the plan on how to infiltrate the base. Really reminding us that he was with the "Bad Boys" because of spy related crimes by how he can come up with plans to infiltrate stuff, but also i love this so much. It's kinda where i started to have my headcanon of "Taichi is scaryingly smart when it comes to illegal stuff". Like the idea of Taichi messing up say, simple math, but coming up with an infiltration plan that would even have Chikage pause is one of my favorit headcanons ever, and it all started because of this.

BUT YES THE CG WAS SO GODDAMN PERFECT. IT'S ONE OF MY FAV CG EVER IT'S SO FUNNY. And with the song in the back, it was GLORIOUS. i'm glad you liked Respawn!!!! it's such a neat song! Also i need to share this stage video: https://www.tumblr.com/icharchivist/708632707674079232?source=share

BUT YEAH it was so funny and i lOVE that they were dedicated in like, actually playing their animals like. dguys you didn't HAVE to. you're just so funny. AND JUZA'S "BEAAAR", it's so good. I love them so much.

Sakoda MPV <33333 he really does take care of Azami so well it's really soft.

And yeah Summer's exhaustion is a nice detail. god it makes me wonder for how long they went on, a wonder the public didn't get weirded out by it.

AND SOBS YEAH AZAMI'S SPEECH. YEAH. And also the "maybe it's because i have two assholes dad that i turned into such an asshole" with a bright smile on his face. god he's so good.

And eheheh for Shift, but, yeah. yeah…. AND SAKODA REALLY GOOD. and please just let them having some vkei related play it's all good!! it's worth it!! maybe this time none of you would oppose Juza wearing a dress if the whole thing is about being scared he wouldn't look feminine enough smh!! AND LDKJFKLDFJD MASUMI'S RARE INDIVIDUALISTIC MOMENT.

AND THAT ENDING!!! yeah < > are for foreign languages in general, and in their case it's their native one. But finally. Guy teasing just to build up to it now!!!

Ok so, now, Azami's dad.

"my dad who's not Sakyo" i love that we're carrying it on on "Real Dad Sakyo" and "Not Sakyo Dad", it says everything.

And i'm all good with the oversharing as long as you're comfortable with it, and man. Yeah i feel you on that, my family is pretty much the same. I've also had my family like, throw out or destroy my stuff, important stuff, either without my knowledge or in front of me, so to say i felt Azami really hard would be an understatement. It's a whole level of violation that is just, really hard to swallow and forgive. Impossible even.

Honestly the whole writings over the problematic dads of Mankai, in the whole story, is so conflicting to me in general. I feel like. The issue is that most of the bad parents we meet don't have anything else going for them, the only thing we know about them per se is their function in society, and that they're bad with their kids. They're tools for their kids's backstory more than actual people. And i feel like Azami's dad actually sounds like a real person. A conflicting, messed up person with his own issues, and that ends up hurting Azami as a result. There's a difficulty to reconcile how the dad took good care of Sakyo as a kid for instance, to how he behaved with Azami, and it's really unnerving in general. And as such it puts Sakyo in a position of wanting to defend the man because he owes him so much, and it's difficult to blame him for that, but as a result Azami loses one of his major support.

Honestly my feelings about Azami's dad are complicated. I believe he's the one father of Mankai who can actually realistically work on his issues and improves his relationship with Azami. I believe he cares for Azami on some level more than just material (in opposition to how i'd consider Tenma's, who cared for his carreer more, and Masumi's, who only cared when he needed to fill his divorce's loneliness, and well, Misumi's don't care.). So i end up believing there is a possibility still for this relationship to improve in a realistic way that doesn't feel just like a deus ex machina like the others dads have been. but god, this particular brand of neglect and mistreatment truly also struck a core with me and therefore i can't totally go unbiased about it and ends up just, uncomfortable and unsure. It's so complicated.

Mostly i'd say my different approach is that, even if Tenma, Masumi or Misumi wants to work things out with their dad, i would be completely opposed to it. Purely "why the fuck, no, that's not worth it" at them. But if Azami wants to work it out it's like. "Fine. just stay safe, know you can remove yourself from it whenever you feel like it, and remember to be yourself, and bail out anytime something would go out of hands". yaknow?

But yeah i agree i feel like it really puts Azami in a position of hypervigilence. Everything had to always be a secret, calculated, you only show to your father what you're ready to defend, and it would make some stuff like romance or passions in general, stuff that leaves you emotionally vulnerable, as something that's just too much risk for very little reward. So you just closes in completely.

so Sakyo being there and actually showing him that he can just be himself and he doesn't have to worry more ahead of it is meaningful because yeah, like you say, it gives him a parental figure who is actually willing to let him experiment and be free without having to always be prepared to defend why you want to do something.

“after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” i actually really hate this line in a sense, i know Sakyo is mostly just, extrapolating to what he's seeing now, but i hate it on a personal level. I do think Azami's dad cares for Azami, but yeah exactly like you said, like Homare's grandma, his own issues means he hurt Azami in ways that are ways too deep for love to just be enough. Sometimes parents love you and hurt you more than a parent who would merely tolerate you. Because they love you so much they want to make sure you're well fitted to the world and ends up messing you up as a result.

But yeah god, i'm glad we're on the same page, you can't say "all dads care for their kids" when you're living with those kids, and Misumi's in particular. This makes me see so red. I get Sakyo has a personal bias here but giod. but yeah Sakyo probably only knows about Masumi's and yeah, Masumi's dad was reasonable at the end that he might work it out. but also like, didn't Sakyo's dad abandon hm and his mom?! that the whole reason his mom had a hard time in life was because of that? bc i don't remember if Sakyo's absent dad is due to abandon or death. Bc if it's abandon, i feel like Sakyo shouldn't be the one saying all dad cares yaknow? I still think that, the Wastonian reasons of it all, is because Sakyo owes so much to the Boss that he tries to rationalize things in his favor yaknow? But the Doylist reason, i think, is mostly that the one weakness of a3's writing is truly with how they manage to create realistic scenarios of abuses and the way it affects the kids, but then they want to solve it with the parents going "my bad", and the problem is that it's not how coping with abuse works yaknow.

SAKODA IS SOOO COOL HERE YEAH. Like man, the glow up Sakoda got in this arc with how much he would go to hell for this kid and fight the devil himself if he had to. god. unsung mvp.

Azami is totally entitled to throw that at his father's face, go Azami go.

" sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways. " OGHHH SO TRUE. THIS IS REALLY SO. SO GOOD.

and you're right about Azami's collage being the way it was. It makes sense Azami just didn't want to share this vulnerability, especially with Sakyo, at a point where he still believed Sakyo didn't care for him on top of that. It's really just. man.

SOBS AND YEAH FOR THE MAGIC BRUSH….

"and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely. " DJFHDL LEGIT. GOD.

But yeah i feel you on everything else you mention about Azami's dad it's just. Acting like Azami was at fault for not making it clear he was serious, while also making the environment too hostile for Azami to even come out and say that. He's responsible for how Azami couldn't trust him and then he blames Azami for not trusting him in a sense. It's really frustrating, and it feels like he's deflecting the blame, while also kinda taking the blame itself. I'm glad he's trying to fix things, and i do think he feels guilty, but it's still so sour.

and i'm so sorry your parents made you feel all those things :( but yeah i totally get what you mean on how it relates to Azami. It's just so unfair to put on him the pressure to be the best of the best.

In a sense i feel it fits a lot of the thematic of Autumn of like… The reasons they have Regrets to start with is because of the expectations people have put on them, whenever it is over their abilities (Banri) or their appearance (Juza) or their age (Sakyo) ect. And i feel like Azami is in this situation where he's about to regret it if he doesn't take his own life in between his hands. He has to break free from those expectations and fights for what he wants. but god. He shouldn't have to fight for it. ig you can't expect Yakuza to do things the easy way, but god he really shouldn't have to fight for it it makes me so sad.

"are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child" so true unfortunately hhhh.

But yeah i hope Azami gets more ways to process everything later on :/

I do think that, out of all the bad fathers' plotline, like i said, this is the most realistic one in a sense, and i do think it's well written in general. And i do think that when it comes to abused/neglected kids and their parents, there is also just… i know online the consensus is "children should just cut ties with their toxic parents" and i get how it's the easiest way to see it, to free yourself for good for the influence, but it comes with its own type of downsides that are rarely discussed and is also a lot of pressure to put on a kid. Obviously, if it's too toxic it SHOULD be the case, like i said, chara like Misumi in particular are better off moving past it, but i feel like, in Azami's situation, where despite all the hurt and all the pain, Azami still definitely see his father as a human whom he wants to work things out with… It's just really complicated. I have really messy feelings about all of this.

I do hope Azami would manage to be more resentful and end up being able to actually discuss with his dad and challenge him like, no, YOUR behavior was truly fucked up, it's not fair to ask of ME to communicate my feelings better when you never tried to listen, yaknow?

Anyway i do feel like this sort of… complicated messy conflicting feelings of resentment and yet wanting to work it out that is in Azami and his father's storyline, for how fucked up his father is, actually works very well and is very realistic, even if there would be wishes for Azami not to bother at all for it. I feel like it allows Azami the grace of having really mixed feelings about all of this without going to one extreme or the next about how to be with his father, and it's something i really personally connected with, as someone with a very difficult relationship with my family, who thought cutting ties was my best solution at some point, and now as an adult, have to deal with how while i could never ever forgive them, the other extreme isn't satisfying to me, on multiple levels. I don't like his father, but i want Azami to be able to work it out in the way he would consider satisfying, and i think that the story is written in a way that leaves this approach possible and addresses it as such, in a way i think the others bad dads of Mankai get too much of a free pass. but man. messy. And with the patern of bad dads getting off too easily this can come up as much more sour than the conflicting feelings it could have actually worked on if the others dads were treated accordingly imo.

Azami's storyarc genuinely did hit hard for me as well because of that. He's not a chara i particularly relate to outside of this specific plotline but this plotline hits not only very deep, but on mixed feelings that are hard for me to face in fiction, so it's always hard to look at.

On the light hearted side, my friend we talked about was cursing me the whole storyarc bc of how he related to Azami and then Azami's portrait happened and he genuinely just went "okay you know what fuck you" and was so emotionally damaged by the mirror that i could forget for a bit my own pain by letting him suffer a bit. Terrible friend moment.

Anyway!!! it's all good, i'm glad you did ramble, it was really nice to read and well, it's interesting things to think about, even if the conclusion isn't easily clear cut.

I'm really glad you liked Azami and his story!!!

And ehehe Winter soon <3333

And "Conquering Misoshiosa Island!" first!

Take care and always feel free to ramble <333

#ichareply #long post for ts #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei

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defiantdreemurrs · 2 years

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bussyween, part three: halloween iii - season of the witch (1982)

last we left off, michael myers got his ass wrecked by dr loomis in a hospital and laurie strode stared off into a camera. clearly the next place you would go following this is to completely erase the previous two films, turning them into popular fiction in your new continuity, and write a story completely unrelated to the other films in your series. right? this time on bussyween, were gonna look at 1982s halloween iii: season of the witch, directed by tommy lee wallace.

let me completely undercut the sarcasm in the opening paragraph of this by saying i dont think the decision to pivot to an anthology series was a bad decision. i just thought it was funny. i actually think the direction behind halloween iii was a great idea at the time, i feel like endlessly bringing back michael myers would have made the series just like every other slasher film series that continuously brought its main killer back thru the most idiotic and contrived of reasons.

wonder how well that turned out for em.

no my only real problem is with the actual movie itself. ill be up front and say while i found this movie fun and enjoyable i didnt find it particularly good.

for starters, the premise itself is kinda goofy. ancient celtic magic allows the movies villain to use endless amounts of halloween masks to murder children by turning their heads into bugs and snakes. its a silly premise that i actually do really like but its executed almost laughably. for what is ostensibly a horror movie it really wasnt even that scary.

now, in all fairness, i had had this movies plot spoiled almost rotten for me. which i feel like was a bad thing for this one because unlike the first two movies, its not actually that different reading or hearing about it vs actually watching it. those movies i knew what would happen and roughly when, but the way its presented makes it still feel scary when it happens. this movie meanwhile did not have that effect.

i feel like this is because a significant amount of this movies "scares" are either incredibly underwhelming kills (minus the woman who gets a drill piercing into her skull, that one is good) or are just aspects of the mystery that have already been spoiled for me, thus ruining them. universal demanded they include a number of slasher conventions such as a high kill count and plenty of sex, which while i dont have a problem with these elements in a vacuum, they really dont fit what is otherwise more of a mystery thriller than a slasher movie.

the music as usual is excellent, and the sound design is a step up from the at times silly sounding synthesizer sounds heard in parts of halloween iis score. none of the previous halloween themes return for the new score, it is entirely original, but there is a moment of the original 1978 halloween score used in the film to incredible effect. i wont spoil it because i want someone reading this who hasnt seen the movie before to see it for themselves but it happens about two thirds of the way thru the movie.

the acting in this movie, though, much like the execution of the premise, leaves a bit to be desired. there are some returning cast members playing entirely new roles, as well as other carpenter collaborators who didnt originally appear in a halloween film. some of them do alright, but leading man tom atkins feels way too goofy for a role like this. our villain, however, played by dan o'herlihy, could not have been better casted or acted. absolutely steals the show in just about every scene hes in.

i dont have as much to say about this movie as i did the last one, im not sure if thats because im writing it while high after having written the last review while having just seen the film today. maybe i should be giving myself some room to think about each film before writing about them. but ultimately i dont really care cause im doing this for myself anyways. overall i feel like halloween iii earns its rep as just kind of a weird film in a weird place in its series, and i can understand why audiences back in the day reacted poorly to it. regardless its a fun movie that id absolutely watch again and enjoyed for most of the wrong reasons entirely.

next time on bussyween, its the start of everyones least favorite subset of the halloween movies, halloween 4: the curse of michael myers. so stay tuned!

#halloween #bussyween #halloween iii #tom atkins #john carpenter #alan howarth #silver shamrock

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spicycowboyhole · 9 months

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taking a shower tomorrow

i didnt get much for christmas this year tbh

im kinda jealouse cuz my siblings got really expensive shit and i got like pretty much just stocking stuffers lol. i guess if i really want something i need to get it myself huh

anyway,, he texts me constantly but also calls me everyday. hes so nice to me it makes me cry. H is nice to me too. when i think about how nice these internet strangers are to me it makes me sad because i feel like im not allowed to be myself and im not accepted at home. im so afraid to be myself here and i dont feel like i fit in but when i talk to the little people in my phone?? they make me feel things? like im not crazy or weird OH MY GOD istg i cry almost everytime i talk to him cuz hes soso nice to me

idk what it is or what i wanna say exactly i kinda just wanna figure out how to word this so ik how to tell my couonselor.

what happened recently was i went to walmart with my dad and like i didnt take a shower or anything cuz we were just going to applebees and walmart and i dont even like applebees so who cares if my hair is fucked up right but when we went to walmart my dad was like you need a makeover cuz ur hair is bad and i kinda took offense honestly cuz i dont like my dad making comments about my appearence like this one time he told me i "need to work on my glamour" like wtf so i told my mom what he said to me at walmart and she AGREED WITH HIM AND SCHEDULED A DAY TO TAKE ME TO THE MALL TO BUY CLOTHES. and then so we went like on firday before christmas and it just kinda made me feel like a child and also like i was neglected when i was an actual child cuz idk i have like a lot of self image issues and i just wear whatever makes me not hate how i look and rn thats big skirt and little shirt but my mom wants me to wear jeans and regular shirt and i just think i look so bad in it. like she wanted me to get 5 outfits at the mall and i was like "so we're just gonna buy 5 pairs of the ssame pants? what if i dont even wear them?" and she said "YOU HAVE TO" so after that i felt kinda belittled? basically like i had no power or say in what im allowed to wear like A KID. BUT when i was an actual kid i would litterally go to school and my shoes would fall apart and i used the same ugly backpack from like 6th til highschool. like i dont understand why my parents suddenly care about how i look? now that im an adult? theyr ebasically saying they dont like how i dress and that upsets me because i feel like im finally able to learn how to express myself with how i dress now that im not inschool and scared of how people might percieve me and theyre judging not just how i look but also me yk

i NEVER got compliments when i was younger. i mean definatelelty not as much as i do now that im not as afraid of being myself. i mean people compliment me on my hair, my outfits, my glasses, my voice.

IM SMART, IM FUNNY, IM SILLY, IM WITTY, IM CUTE, IM PRETTY

IM GOOD

my hwole life everyone would describe me as quiet, shy. i thought i was weird, abnormal, i thought everything i liked was stupid.

i think i just need to get out of here.

its so hard to not hate myself when everyone around me sucks.

again, self image issues, insecurity, shame. when i was younger i used to hide pictures of myself cuz i just thought i looked so ugly and i still do. i'll look at those old pictures and think why would my parents let me go out in public like that? like ive always thought i was only cute as a toddler and then went downhill after that lol. but anyway im working on that by saving pics of myself when i was younger cuz thats me!! and if i were my parent i wouldve been a way better parent than my actual ones. she deserves everything she wants.

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spacetimeodysseyofjane · 1 year

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From The Vault: 11 Mar 2019

Having fun, eh? How are you doing? I am sure that you are still hurting but kudos to you! getting better each day! You have already did a lot of things, I know its a long long way, but youve already started it.

Its okay to be sad at times, no one is stopping you from feeling that way. Your feelings are valid. And dont ever think that you are weak for feeling sad. Just dont go back to anything/anyone that brought you pain.

Keeping yourself busy is helping you, please, please, continue being productive. Dont let any frustrations get into you. You need to build yourself up again.

You did it before, you can do it again.

Fast forward! I did it! Visited my old journal and I found this. Grabe! it felt like a century ago! To be honest, I have forgotten most of what happened! One of my bestfriends told me that I am so good at repressing memories! hahaha! I guess, it was legit painful for me that my brain pushed all the bad things to my unconscious. lolz.

I am trying to recall events, but I can't clearly remember. I just know that it hurt so bad that I want to start anew. I deleted everything, didnt leave a single convo from any social platforms. I also unfollowed and unfriended people who are not good for me. During those times, I want to disappear! I was even praying to God to give me amnesia! hahaha!

What happened last 2019 was super strange to me, I wasn't broken because someone left me. I was heartbroken because I failed myself. I betrayed myself in many ways. I allowed things to happen even though I am aware that I'll regret the outcome. I was heartbroken because I hurt myself and I hurt other people.

_________________________

2023 UPDATE!

i'm cleaning up my tumblr drafts, i wrote this last year. i dont know why i didnt share it. lol. i just realized that i've been blogging my life since i was a teen and here i am, turning 30 and still doing it :D i'm glad i documented my life. i know it's weird coz i dont want this to be out in the public but writing is therapeutic for me and i'll never get tired of blogging.

anyway, there's a strange feeling after reading the post. i know that it happened but i cant remember the exact feeling. and i am happy about it lol i sure dont want to experience that again. but there was a point in my life before that it hurts so much that i thought i will never get over the pain. and now it's gone. everything will pass. :)

funny coz while writing this, so yesterday by hilary duff is playing

Laugh it off and let it go and When you wake up it will seem so yesterday, so yesterday Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay?

#janesvault

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iunatiqe · 4 years

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MY BEST FRIEND — s. stilinksi

“ youre my best friend and i love you “

pairing: stiles stilinski x gn! reader

!!! warnings: death threat, panic attack

word count: 2,311

I CROSSED my arms over my chest securely as i walked, i was wearing one of stiles’s old sweatshirts that i had taken from him during a past sleepover during one of the chillier months. sleepovers used to be an often thing that the two of us did, having been best friends for so long, but they suddenly seemed to fade out of our schedule as lydia martin, a girl who had captured my best friends heart in the third grade, started actually acknowledging his presence. to be fair, lydia has no choice as stiles was one of the few people who knew about the supernatural world, a world that she was now part of while stiles and i remained the two humans in our friend group.

i didn’t have much against lydia, most of her faults of being rude and pushy were just a facade in which she wore to escape the torment of other high school students. i wish it wasn’t fake, upon getting to truly know her - i found that she was smart, caring, and a generally good person for the most part, it made her a lot harder to hate. i had hated her since the third grade, because while stiles fell in love with her. i fell in love with him.

it was a stupid cliche to fall in love with my best friend while he was infatuated with the pretty, popular girl. i felt like i was stuck in some dumb movie, but this wouldn’t end with him realising that i was always right for him, by the way things were looking now: it was much more plausible for him to end up with lydia rather me. i try to shake these remaining thought from my mind as i approach the stilinksi household, simply walking in like i was used to, making my way to stiles’s room.

just before i could make it, i slowed to a stop as i heard a female voice come from his room. i silenced myself as i listened in on the conversation.

“what do the different colored strings mean?” i could faintly hear, this was a definite moment where i wished i was a werewolf swimply to make the voices clearer, but even so- i could tell that it was lydia speaking, knowing that she was most likely talking about the strings that were skewed across the boys room in order to make his crime board. i would know, i helped hang some of it up.

“uh, just different stages of the investigation.” i heard stiles’s quick explanation, going on to tell the girl what all the colors meant and i could hear the pretty strawberry blonde girl in his room make a note of how the whole board was unsolved. i scoffed under my breath, stepping a bit closer as they changed the subject. nothing was wrong with their discussion, but it felt too late to just barge in, plus i knew that if i did then stiles would give me a look that meant he was upset with me for ruining his moment with dream girl.

“did you get detention for pulling the alarm?” the girl asked.

“yep, everyday this week...it’s okay though, we were onto something.”

“even though we couldnt find any proof of barrow being there?”

i was now glad again that i hadn’t barged in, since the tone of their talk took a quick change once stiles heard the worry in her voice, it became harder to hear as i imagined he calmed her in a low voice. a voice i was used to hearing myself when i needed comforting.

“you have been right every time something like this has happened, okay? so, dont start doubting yourself now.”

“no scent. no bomb..” she stayed silent for a moment, “and i got you in trouble.”

their voices got too low for me to hear again and i cursed silently, trying to imagine what he could be saying to her that would make her all gushy towards him out of nowhere. while also wishing that it was sitting on his bed as he whispered comforting words to me, just sitting with him and talking. suddenly, even their hushed whispers ceased before i heard quick footsteps coming my way.

i tried to act casual as they stopped in front of me.

“when did you get here?” stlies asked immediately, i gulped.

“uh. i just walked in, why? did i miss something? where are we going?” i tried to deflect, and stiles was quick to believe me, offering me a small smile. though reassuring, it didn’t stop lydia from squinting her eyes at me, letting me know that she didn’t quite fall for my lie. i was lucky enough that she didn’t mention it aloud though.

“to the school, did you walk?” stiles continued our conversation, i nodded along as the three of us made our way to his jeep, with me crawling into the back so lydia could ride shotgun as stiles continued to fill me in on what we were doing and me acting like i knew we weren’t double checking the school for proof that barrow was there.

----------

soon enough, we arrived at the school and stiles was leading the way to the chemistry room as their biggest suspicion was the chemical closet.

lydia slowed and grabbed ahold of my sleeve to slow me down so we could talk discreetly.

“listen, i don’t know how stiles can’t tell your lying, but i know that you were eavesdropping on our conversation. are you hiding something?” she accused making me shake my head.

“no, i just,” i sighed, “i didn’t want to disturb you guys, trust me, i would let you guys know if i had information to give.”

lydia didn’t seem quite convinced as she watched me for a moment longer and i stared up ahead at the back of stiles’s head, not missing the small gasp that lydia let out.

“you like stiles.” she stated proudly with a smile, my head turned quickly to look at her with eyes that pleaded with her to quiet down in case he could hear.

“i do not, he’s my best friend.” i stated, “plus, you should know that he’s been hung up on you forever.” i brought, not feeling guilty for telling her since stiles was quite obvious with it anyways. i tried to quell my jealousy as i spoke so she couldn't pick it up, but all i heard was her scoff.

“sure, best friend. as for stiles, i think that he likes you too.” i rolled my eyes and held back a laugh at her words.

“yeah, right. i have as much of a chance with him that i do coach.” i joked.

“whatever you say,” lydia sighed out as we approached our destination and began to pick up our pace to be even with stiles, “but best friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.” she whispered with a wink before catching up with the boy in question. i frowned lightly as i followed pursuit, if this was supposed to be some joke - it wasn’t funny at all…

i caught up with the pair as the three of us entered the chemistry classroom, “what are we even looking for?” i questioned, but was left unanswered as stiles made his way to the chemical closet and simply opened it. i felt the air around us get heavier.

“that’s supposed to be locked.” lydia mentioned, stiles let out a sigh.

“yeah, i know. notice anything else?”

“it smells like chemicals…” lydia concluded, “they wouldn’t have been able to catch his scent.”

i coughed awkwardly, “um, guys.” i brought their attention to me only to direct them to the pile of staples and blood next to stiles’ feet. “oh god, he probably stitched himself up.” i gagged.

“so, he was here.” stiles sighed out, “and he was probably planning on killing someone.” he stood from his crouched position as we all made our way back into the main classroom.

“but who?” lydia questioned, finding her way to the board as stiles glanced around the classroom for any other clues. i found myself standing next to lydia as she stared at the numbers on the blackboard.

“what? does it mean something?” i asked her.

“its a formula.” she mumbled, “i bet it’s a clue.” she said before stepping closer. stiles came to stand next to me while lydia went on to explain how the numbers on the board were elements. she explained each letter until it came to an end and she had solved the puzzle. she stepped back to allow us to see what was on the board and i was sure that all of our werewolf friends could hear how fast my heart was beating from wherever they were as the clue was a name. my name.

i could feel stiles tense up beside me, but everything else felt too still and quiet, but too fast to understand at the same time. i could feel my knees buckle underneath me, but strong hands wrapped around me, allowing me to fall softly to the ground with him.

“hey, hey. it’s alright.” cames stiles’s soothing voice in my ear as he tried to calm me down, telling me that he wouldn't let anything happen to me. this wasn’t what i had meant when i mentioned i wanted to hear his soft voice calm me down - i was expecting more of a bad grade panic, not a death threat. this was new, i wasn’t supernatural, i wasn’t usually the one that stood in the eye of danger. so what did barrow want with me?

i couldn’t feel any air enter my lungs and i began to heave, i could hear lydia and stiles arguing about what to do but i couldn't make out any of the words they were saying as i clutched onto stiles’s shirt. i figured that the two of them had come to an agreement on how to calm me as their buzzing voices stopped, stiles looked down at me and i expected him to try and break through my fuzzy hearing to help my breathing, what i didn’t expect was for him to stoop his head down and kiss me.

albeit a bit shocked, i felt my body relax as i sunk into the kiss with him, but it was quickly ending as he pulled away and we stared into each others eyes.

lydia cleared her throat awkwardly to remind us that she was still there, i barely let my eyes flicker from the eyes of my best friend as i turned my attention to her.

“holding your breath can help stop a panic attack,” she explained, “i figured that if stiles kissed you then you would hold your breath.”

i could feel stiles shift from next to me, “we- uh- should probably get going.” he switched the topic as he helped me back onto my feet. he gave me a look to question if i was still okay and i nodded, but he stayed next to me as we followed behind lydia now to the exit.

“i’m sorry about kissing you.” he whispered, not glancing my way as he exited the classroom, i could sense he was nervous and i wondered why. i guess it was just uncomfortable to have to kiss your best friend while they were having a panic attack, but i figured that we were close enough that he could just dismiss it. maybe it was because it was all in front of lydia, the love of his life.

“it’s okay, i mean- it helped.” i brushed off the event, taking a short look at him. “and don’t worry, i bet it made lydia jealous enough to realize she’s madly in love with you.” i said dramatically to tease him, but his reaction was not what i predicted as he frowned lightly.

“well,” stiles glanced ahead to lydia, “what if,” he continued as he noticed she was far enough away to not hear any more of our conversation and he finally looked at me, “what if i don’t really want to be with lydia?” he said softly, i saw his eyes flicker across my face as he tried to gather a reaction.

“what do you mean?” i let out a nervous, breathy laugh, “you not like lydia? that might be the biggest plot twist our lives have taken yet.” i joked again, stiles looked down at his feet dejectedly with a shake of his head.

“i don’t think i ever really liked lydia.” he confessed, “i mean, i did for a while, but i don’t think that she was ever really the one that i wanted to be with.” he said, “and before you try to deflect this by joking about how im in love with scott then im just going to tell you- its you.”

“me?”

“you can just forget about it,” he changed, switching back to his quirky demeanor to reject anything else that i might say, he shot me a sad smile, “i just thought you should know. don’t let this ruin anything between us, okay? that’s exactly why i didn’t tell you.” he finalized before moving forward to catch up with our strawberry blonde friend, but i gripped the back of his shirt to pull him back and kissed him again. i can’t believe this idiot didn’t think that i was in love with him.

after pulling away, i smiled up at him and finally met cheerful eyes. despite everything, we had one another and that’s all i needed to feel safe. we didn’t have to speak to understand each other as we both turned to meet up with lydia to fill in our friends with what we had found. i knew that everything would be okay with my best friend.

#stiles #stilinksi #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinksi imagine #stiles stilinksi icons #stiles stilinksi imagines #teen wolf #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf imagines #scott mccall #lydia martin imagine #lydia martin #stydia #heathers #imagines #imagine #teen wolf fanfic #teen wolf one shot

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

Text

8 Anti LO Asks

1. the thing is like even the poets we draw from get critiqued too. a lot of people thought hesiod was an evangelist with an agenda to push, homer (if they existed) was often lampooned for contradicting lines and spending too much time making lists than developing the story, aeschylus and euripides were both seen as biased and cynical and were often mocked, along with many more, and yet LO fans think their kiwi tumblr fave is somehow above all of them and shouldn't be critiqued? Get over yourselves

2. the problem with the 'make your own story" argument is that, assuming you try to retell hxp at least, youll have LO fans attacking you for "stealing" from rachel, who in turn never promotes or supports other retellings unless it adheres to her worldview (such as OSP). say what you will on punderworld or ficlets, but they always prop up lesser known creators with their platforms, meanwhile rachel when tasked with helping others (like Lets Play) she made it about herself. that speaks volumes.

3. a lot of LO fans think antis are just randomly haters but that's not true. Most of us were once devoted fans who couldn't ignore all the issues anymore and who still remember when it had promise and effort put into it, not the rushed husk it is now. It isnt just blindly hating it, it's being annoyed & disappointed of what could have been and how much the comic has declined and how the fans refuse to acknowledge its faults. How would we know how badly its gone down if we weren't fans once?

4. idk man i wouldnt tell people who dislike lo to make their own comics because those end up being way better. reylos did the same thing to disney over how badly they hated the last star wars movie and now their fanfics are becoming NYT bestsellers. just saying.

5. Maybe I'm dating myself here but one of the funniest parts of fandom used to be the most devoted fans calling out the bad stuff in what we liked and discussing it, because it was fan to pick it apart and clown on it. IDK why now LO fans and people like them are so convinced they can only mindlessly praise with no dissent and all critique is invalid. It's basic critical thinking skills that one can like something and still acknowledge the flaws. It's a bad look to admit you can't do so IMHO.

6. lo fans really need to get off this high horse that lo is perfect and therefore can never be criticized. even the best pieces of work ever have actual things to critique within them, and lo is not somehow better than all of them to not be critiqued as well. its an ever growing list of issues lo keeps adding up because of who is behind. sorry, rachel, if you want sole credit for the writing and art, you have to own all the critiques too, and the fans needs to accept it.

7. sorry, LO fans, but we are allowed to critique a work that gets so much privleges that even other webtoon creators dont get (seriously, the majority stull have to live off commission work while working on a full time comic) meanwhile rachel gets away with bad writing, cliffhangers that aren’t resolved for years, worsening art, and her bad and entitled attitude all while the company constantly promotes her while the majority of their catalog doesn’t, she has a full team rushing work for her while she at best does sketches and the occasional banner art, and gets her a bunch of media deals that the rest won’t ever get even a scrap of, all while already being a well off, privileged white woman who cries to her thousands of fans when her ego is bruised because more and more people are noticing her shitty politics and morals put into her work and are rightfully calling it out. at the very least you’d think someone in such a high rank at one of the worlds biggest media houses would actually put in the effort to make the best product she can and respect the people and culture she’s making bank off of, but she’s not and frankly does not seem like she ever will. She quite literally said it’s HER story and she’s allowed to do what she wants with it, and has spoken over Greeks time and time again that their input doesn’t matter over her personal feelings and thoughts. you don’t see other people in her position who also made bank (such as Rick Riordan or Madeline Miller) treat Greece and it’s people so awfully as her, her fans, and her product do, yet she gets all the excuses in the world while the above mentioned and others work on their mistakes and try to always put their best products out there, all while respecting Greece and it’s stories and even giving platforms to the underrepresented, meanwhile Rachel herself can’t even keep colors in line or keep designs on model while her writing gets more and more nonsensical, with her status only going to enrich herself and her ego while the rest are clinging to survive. God willing, maybe another mythology webtoon will be picked up to give her some competition and actually force her to put in the work for the rewards she earned off the backs of others, and that can’t happen soon enough.

8. NGL, kinda funny that LO Stan defends it by claiming people who dislike it are just “hacks like the woman behind 50 shades” like … uh … you know LO is ripped off from 50 shades, right? Like quite literally, it’s almost point for point exactly the same as 50 shades, down to the CEO with mommy issues and BDSM mixed with weird obsessions over a college girl’s virginity and a jealous ex who is into it versus the pure MC. Rachel is literally the hack ripping off 50 shades that that stan is claiming antis are. Wild stuff.

Anyway both the 50 shades woman and Rachel owe Stephanie Meyers a lot of money Bc they both in turn just ripped off Twilight anyway lol

Based on this post:

https://alatismeni-theitsa.tumblr.com/post/663420719494053888/why-not-write-a-take-of-your-own-on-the-myths

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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finaledenialist · 4 years

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so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!!

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no.

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true.

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity.

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal. And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn.

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

#ask #asks #anon #long post #destiel is endgame #cas is in love #everything is beautiful but it hurts #spn 15x18 #spn spec #spn speculation #Anonymous

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transhoverfish · 4 years

Note

What are everyone's "abilities" in Survivors? Ryley has good hearing and Milo glows but what do the others have?

!!! YOU HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT MY AU !!! THE FLOODGATES OF YELLING HAVE OPENED!!

OK SO. as u mentioned ryley has good hearing and milo glows. basically,

ryley = good hearing

milo = glowy boy

emily = electric detection (cooler than i describe rn my vocabulary is small)

danby = like emily's but reverse. controls electromagnetic things

roman = night vision

jochi = the most superpower like one, he got quick regeneration.

avery = telepathy!

bart = also kind of telepathy but more like future telepathy. he has future vision.

and i. never thought of one for ozzy actually and at this point i have no idea what to give them that wouldn't have been brought up prior so. u know genetics are weird! they just dont have anything ig. nobody look at me LABDKABDLABD

AND ALSO paul and marg have powers! paul got that peeper enzyme carrier thing, and marg got the very funny power of feeling others emotions. yes that includes the fish. yes this is one of the primary reasons she didnt kill paul over a decade of dealing w him. yes she hates it.

and the vesper haven't been sick long enough to develop anything! or at least thats what im going with bc i havent thought of anything for them yet 😔

AND NOW: LONGER EXPLANATIONS. IM GONNA GET CARRIED AWAY SO ITS UNDER A READ-MORE.

first off on the list: bart! so bart.. kinda has futuristic visions?? but the things he sees are not set in the stone,, as in if he dreams about smth (a lot like ryley can!) it is possible to change those events! most of these visions/telepathy type stuff were bc of the emperor and warpers, and also al-an! once the sea emp died and the warpers all calmed down his powers kind of go away a bit. i think i wrote al-an sort of mentioning it in one chap of awa?? but its only kind of implied. so he has rlly similar powers to avery except he can't tell what others are thinking and he can only kind of tell how his closest friends r feeling. so right now bart pretty much doesn't have powers! he can communicate w the warpers and sea emps much easier than the others tho (he's the only one that can talk to warpers! im not sure he'd get along w them after being hunted down by them for like 12 years though KABDLSBRLSHD)

avery has telepathy! this is because when he first shows up he jokes about having telepathy and i was like "haha. WAIT." and then he got telepathy! i realize its a bad idea to not come up with their powers until as im writing but uhhh well. i never said i was a fantastic writer who's smart. KANROSHROSBF.

he also kind of had marg's empathy ability but wayyy dialed back. he can only tell how other humans are feeling and he can only vaguely understand it as opposed to feeling the emotions himself like marg does. so he can kind of tell how others are feeling and he can tell what theyre thinking about! unless of course for plot convince he can't. strong emotions, especially strong negative emotions (ie. fear) can overwhelm him and makes his powers stop working. and if someone is convinced they're right then he wont b able to tell they're lying/hiding something! yay plot convenience!!

roman has night vision. i have no way of making this sound cool he just straight up can see really well in the dark. like a cat. most of the powers were based off where they originally landed and what would help them in that area! and roman landed in the sparse reef, which is so dark all the time i cry thinking about it. so he has night vision! his poor eyesight is probably all kinds of fucked up now tho.

jochi has regeneration abilities! now i know this might sound a bit much but he just heals from cuts and stuff faster and like. he bones heal fast. and he's more likely to survive smth that might usually kill someone, but its like a 10% higher chance of living nothing too much. he doesn't rlly get scars as much as the others, and its healed his old ones a bit more! this is by far the most unrealistic power of them all, but ya know its alien fish planet game who cares. basically bc his life support systems failed his spine got all fucked up and he got infected faster bc he was barely alive for the first few days and spent a lot of time w bart who was looking after him. power helped fix his back, but he still has a rlly bad limp and pretty much constant pain. big mood there khasar 😔✊

emily can detect electromagnetic waves! works best underwater. kind of like ryley's, but instead of hearing noises she can only hear anything electric, like vehicles or ampeels or heartbeats. gets all fucked up during thunderstorms though sadly. she's the only other one that can kind of hear warpers and can tell when ones about to warp around but she cant actually talk back to them. pretty sick if u ask me tho.

danby has p similar powers to her bc ampeels also spawn in the bulb zone. except he can sense them at a much smaller distance, cant hear warpers, and can control the waves around him! mostly just his own tho. so like, he can quiet his heartbeat or make it stop all together. scary power that he does not know how to control. uh oh. but he can also control other creatures a bit! he's very good at hiding bc of this, which is nice bc he loves to hide from scary things. very big mood once again.

milo is glowing powers! looks a lot like the transparency of a ghost levi or a crabsquid, although he isn't as see through as them. you can def make out like veins but not bones or organs. his powers are activated by touch, the more force behind will create more glow and more transparency! a poke = goes away within a few seconds, a slap = stays for a minute or so. instead of bruises, he just glows until the bruise would normally go away. he's basically a living glowstick. i have another joke for this but i cannot physically convince myself to type it bc its some shit emily would say to him and i cannot embarrass him like that LABDLABDKABAKD

andd ryley's super hearing! can hear basically everything within a mile radius at all times. im bad at math and i don't know the metric system but i think that's like around 1k meters. wait does the metric system use mile already. no. ONCE AGAIN NEVER SAID I WAS SMART.

OK ANYWAYS back on track! this means he can hear about half of the crater at all times. he's gotten p good at blocking out background noise and anything far away. typically only hears everything within like 300 meters of himself. so when he does get back to just hearing everything its like. u ever take out headphones in a busy place and everything kinda hurts for a few seconds bc its so much noise. yeah like that but 500x worse. he's able to concentrate on specific areas within this 1 mile field but if its far away it fucks him up good for a lil while. sorry ryley :(

and then the other two degasi! as mentioned before, paul can carry enzyme like the peepers, but he also can kind of make some himself! only small amounts and it works a bit less than the peeper enzyme does. he does not have to cough it up though thankfully it just like. idk how to describe this idea it can just kind of leave through his skin?? he has like no control over his power at all it just kind does its own thing and he deals w it. this is primarily how he and marg survive for so long w/o dying to kharra!

and finally marguerit! highly empathetic abilities that allow her to feel the emotions of anything around her! i thought it would be funny as hell to give MARGUERIT of all ppl Big Emotion Disease. this is a big reason why she has had yet to murder paul and why she's a lot less murderer like in the au. its hard to kill someone if you. you know. can feel exactly what they are. probably the reason she adopted Dog Bart/Legally Preston Emotionally Not. saw sad puppy and felt too bad to leave him. like paul, she has basically no control over it and is one of the reasons she does NOT want to go back to the survivors base and be around so many other ppl, she'd be feeling like, 13 ppl's emotions at one time. all these powers have fucked up drawbacks dont they??

once again sam, robin, jeff, maxim, and ozzy are (for now at least) not gonna have any powers! mutations are weird and ozzy just didn't get anything, and the vesper haven't been sick long enough for any yet!

OK THATS ALL. HOLY SHIT SORRY FOR YELLING FOR 15 MINUTES. GOT CARRIED AWAY. hopefully that explains everything tho OABEOABROANRJS OK BYE MY PHONE IS ALMOST DEAD

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beesmygod · 4 years

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for my birthday my sister got me sekiro, which i specifically asked her for having run myself ragged after completely crushing both bloodborne and dark souls 3 multiple times and i’ve been really struggling with how i feel about it.

its been a long time since i’ve felt actually for real mad at a fromsoft game and sekiro has really been the one that has set my teeth on edge the most. unlike other from games where there is some hope in overcoming difficult battles by leveling up and speccing into stats you feel play most to your strengths, you have to play the game entirely on its terms and when that game is a fromsoft game, that is a BIG ask.

genichiro nearly caused my heart to explode from sheer rage because the battle is structured so sadistically that if you eat shit in the final round, in which they introduce a new mechanic and expect you to perfect it on the fly or die instantly, you have to do the first 2 over again. great shinobi owl is a tedious, horrendous fight that lasts forever and is not fun to actually play. there are fromsoft fights that feel legitimately rewarding or incredible when you defeat them (slave knight gael and pthumerian queen are unbelievably good fights) and i have yet to feel that same high or sense of achievement from sekiro (the divine dragon is PRETTY close, that’s a pretty cool fight lol).

currently i am trapped at isshin, sword saint on one file and on another, which i started out of frustration in the hopes i would improve if i started from the beginning, i am trapped at father owl at the hirata estate. isshin being freakishly difficult is understandable and he feels ALMOST achievable. i make it to his glock round and get pretty far in it before i drop dead from the understandable problem of being shot to death by what appears to be a semi-automatic weapon in the sengoku period. owl is maybe one of the worst fights i’ve ever experienced in a from game ever, and i did the defiled dungeons in bloodborne so i have every right to bitch. the number of fights in this game which are set up so that you simply cannot be allowed to be hit is unreal.

anyway, outside of that, the minibosses are really a mixed bag. it think the headless are simply dreadful. like just godawful. they are horrible to fight and are just copy-pasted in a shocking show of laziness from the devs which is more galling after you learn that there is apparently supposed to be individual lore for each one. the shichimen warriors are kind of cool lol and do what the headless do but in a way less boring, exhausting and soul-sucking way. the best part about the headless is their perilous attack which is literally so brain-breakingly horrifying the first time i saw it i didn’t even process what happened fully. when you fully comprehend it, you, the player, will die of terror.

my favorite fights: armored warrior (extremely hilarious), the ashina elite, mist noble because its also extremely funny, o’rin, the long arms, the bulls (i keep fighting these like bloodborne monsters, i had no idea you could parry them. i kept dodging their attacks and kiting them lol), GYOBU ONIWA, divine dragon

i cheesed the demon of hatred and i dont feel bad, when you do its hysterically funny. he falls off a cliff and then thanks you for it.

im still struggling with the addition of a third dimension to this game lol im like huh?? i can jump?? anyway im going to go try to beat up my dad again, wish me luck.

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huntsman-ash · 4 years

Text

RWBY V8E4 LiveThoughts

And were back at it again, this week with turkey and Italian preserved sausage as a snack! Lets see what RT has for us this week.

Oh, 20 minutes. Are they normally this long?

Oh, wait, the openings almost 2 minutes long. Thats more like it.

And now to Robyn and Qrow. Seems Robyns actually liking Qrow a little bit now.

Guess the cells aren’t secured if a fly got into Schnee’s. This a “Fly on Mike Pence’s face” reference?

Qrow sounds more growly again. Did he get smacked back two seasons by Clover dying?

If by “darkness” you mean “Tyrian” then, yes. Also dude, its Clover. He was shit anyway. All the Aces are shit. Dont feel too bad about him.

And he’s got a point too. If Clover had thought with his head instead of his dick (yes, Im sure they were gonna fuck, Fair Games totally a thing), he probably wouldnt be dead now, and Tyrian would be the one with the sword through his chest.

But of course this is RWBY and V7/8 so things cant go their ways.

Ouch. Deep thoughts of Qrow. And some interesting stuff from Robyn too. I still think I’d prefer hopeandharmonizing’s Briar, though.

Marrows glare gives me life. Hare’s just a moron right now though, but thats no real surprise. She’s immature emotionally. Honestly, shes...kind of like a less bad version of our current President. Always has to be the best at everything, fastest, leader, whatever.

Thats probably why this is grating on her so much. Even though shes TECHNICALLY the Ace’s leader now (I think? Seemed like she was Clovers lieutenant, so by rate of succession she’s in command now)

A glance at the little floating control pad... “Clerance access only”. Okay, that...seems weird. Shouldnt it say something like authorized personell only? Maybe it means access by clerance only or something.

Then Robyn’s name, and then process ID 4591-27. No idea what thats useful for but its there.

Also Marrow seems to be the only competent member of the Aces rn.

Ah now we get to see some of the hills around Atlas. For those of you who have seen my headcanons on the Hunter-Killers and their base of operations, Fortress Academy, its out in these hills somewhere.

The music sounds like a boss fight.

The screen on Ren’s hoverbike reads “HVB Rhino” and “HD5800″ I can only assume HVB stands for “hoverbike” and Rhino must be its name, like how the dropships are Mantas. No clue what the number is.

Also apparently the cold in Solitas is so bad it corrupts machinery?

Ahh, good, some action. Lets see what we get now. Ohh, teamwork. And again, signs that aura allows you to move faster and farther than a normal human

Heh, it really is like a boss fight, like the chase scene at the end of the first Viking level in For Honor.

Oh, and it can call for reenforcements literally out of nowhere? Or is the whole tundra of Solitas just CRAWLING with Grimm?

Yes, yes it did just call for backup, Yang. Maybe these are all forward scouts and ambush units from the Grimmstorm. They did say its the biggest...

Another banger from Casey Lee Williams...

What the hell happened in Solitas to cause this geography? Seriously, its a line of bridges over a gap in two cliffs...that cant be natrual, not that equal in distance.

Man, those bikes didnt even last half an episode...I guess thats fair, they are facing obsurd odds. Or maybe they just want Yang to be the only one with a bike.

And there goes the dropwall. Woops.

Also you can just kinda see it but they bounce off the rock and thats why they slow down. Useful.

Also this part with them falling off the edge reminds me of the ending cutscene of Halo 4s Forerunner level, where Chief flies out of a portal and almost goes sailing off a cliff in a Ghost. Except here, the bike stays on the land and THEY go off the cliff.

I paused at just the right time cause YANGS FACE XD

Holy shit what are Ren’s weapons cables MADE OF? The one atop him is holding him AND the weight of his two teammates. And the one below has both Jaune and Yang. No sign of slippage or breackage at all.

Ahhh there’s the whaleship (Monstra? Fuck it Im gonna keep calling it the whaleship). So yeah my headcanon now is the mountain its right next too is Menachite, where Fortress is.

Oh hey back to the Schnee manor of all things! Does...this mean military invasion of the Schnee grounds. Hey Whitley. Lesbians are here.

Someone make a video cut of Weiss banging on the door to the “Knock knock open up the door its real!” part of that one song.

Hehehehhe. Nice Weiss.

Also convenient about the house staff. Good thing RT doesnt need to animate them or Willow now...

I hope the staff took some of the silverware and some paintings on the way out.

Why is MAY the one carrying Nora.

Ah so now they’re stuck out there with no cell service. Hehe.

Ah okay so the cold in Solitas DOES eat aura. Good, my headcanon still kind of stands.

I wonder, does wearing proper cold weather clothing (like bundled up stuff) help? Or does it cut right through...

Why is JAUNE the one hauling the bike? Isnt Yang the strongest? Or maybe they take turns.

Ahhh inter-team talking. Also, outpost. Hmm. Atlas one? Overrun if I had to guess. Unless he saw Fortress. Which I doubt.

I do love the circling shot here, with the light on Yang’s hair and the shadows on Ren. Its...really artistic and emotional. GREAT WORK RT.

Rens got points. And hes saying stuff I myself have been saying for ages, which is good. I wonder why this is how Ren is now...working with the Ace Ops? Being afraid of loosing Nora? No one tell him what happened last episode.

Also, Jaune’s hair seems to have gotten less crazy in recent episodes. It looks less like a banana and more like a close tactical cut.

Yangs got a point.

Ahhh and now we get to see the inside of the whale.

SALEM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SHOWING THE FUCK OFF. SERIOUSLY. WE GET IT.

...this is gonna be a really criingy torture section, isnt it.

Someones gonna take that “hound didnt break you” line in the WRONG direction

It is amusing the only thing holding Oscar down is the Hound actually.

Ah so they’re still searching the remains of Beacon.

Also I like how Salem calls them “her forces” as if its anything but a random bunch of expendable monsters. Like, bruh, you cant search anything with THAT.

Ignoring the boring chat between these two, notice how the Hound’s shoulder literally flexes and shifts when Salem touched it. I dont think this thing is solid at all aside from the head and the bone claws...the whole thing is just amorphous Grimm material that can adapt to whatever situation it requires. A specialist unit. A...Hunter hunter.

Yo what the fuck was that. Magic? Huh. Did we actually SEE magic for once in the show? Only took us 8 FUCKING SEASONS...

Doesnt seem to be anything but an energy blast/pain never firing though. I assume his auras still gone, cause its completely singed his shirt, but it didnt do much else.

...Im not impressed.

She really needs to stop touching his face, its creeping me out.

HAHA SHE CANT DO IT HERSELF SHE HAS TO RELY ON HAZEL BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. I think we know where she stands now, doesnt she...say what you will about her letting Hazel have his vengeance (which is very valid, even he admits hit), but me? I think she A) cant actually beat up on Ozma herself because she still cares and B) shes almost out of magic too. Its weakened as the Gods have been gone and shes been forced to rely on the Grimm and on pawns. Basically, once she and Oz are both gone? That’s it for magic. Remnant will belong to the Grimm...and to technology.

At which point without Oz around to hold them back Atlas is going to go fucking BONKERS and basically ensure the Grimm get pushed back into a corner and then finally permenantly STAMPED OUT.

More Whale insides. Seems like most of its empty grandious spaces. Or possibly muscle? Hard to tell. Either way theres a lot of open air in there...with tight corridors. If you fired a thermobaric warehead into one of the chambers the resulting blastc could possibly blow the doors off and send a raging fireball through the entire thing...Hmm. Filing that away for later.

NEO IS SO SHORT ITS FUNNY TO ME. I know its just positioning BUT SHE LOOKS EVEN SHORTER IN THIS SHOT THAN USUAL.

More note on the Hound; the “flesh” around its right shoulder spike actually sinks down when it stops moving. Its neck shifts and moves too, like the material isnt solid, but recirculating.

I also dont see any eyes. And it looks like it has some kind of...forehead mouth? Def looks like teeth down the ridge of its spine.

Oh boy yeah that...whole thing is basically melting in on itself.

I wont lie; hearing Cinder get berated by CORTANA (and yes, I still hear Cortana in Salem, espeically now that the two characters are kind of one and the same, both megalomaniacal leaders of giant armies, bar the fact that one of them is about a TRILLION times more dangerous than the other because one of them has access to Guardian Custodies and the other one is...well kind of lame and has to have beefy dudes beat up on small children etc) is pleasing to me.

Get fucked, Cinder.

And THERE is Cortana again too.

Neo Marry Popins’s Ya’lling is fucking CUTE. And I love her little smirk.

Wait the whale’s that close?

..oh my...hold on.

...thats it. THATS ATLAS’S AIR FLEET!?!

12 AIRSHIPS? 12? EXCUSE ME!?

ARE YOU LEGITAMETLY TELLING ME THE BIGGEST MILITARY ON REMNANT HAS FEWER AIRSHIPS THAN THE SMALLEST NAVY ON EARTH HAS FRIGATES? YOUR FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT? THERE HAS TO BE MORE SOMEWHERE. THIS IS A JOKE, A STRAIGHT UP FUCKING JOKE.

...

No, thats...thats it. Thats Atlas’s airfleet. 12 tiny vessels. I swear it was bigger last season...

...HA! HAHA! HA! Oh, Ironwood, and Atlas as a whole...you deserve everything your about to get. I hope you die SCREAMING, and that when your bodies fall bleeding and shattered to Mantle, the people down there will realize that, no. You cant just assume Hunters will do all the work for you

THIS IS REMNANT. ITS KILL OR BE KILLED. YOU EITHER MAKE A FORCE POWERFUL ENOUGH THAT THE GRIMM RUN FROM YOU OR YOU DIE INSTEAD. ATLAS FAILED. NOW THEY SUFFER.

Emerald stop simpin.

Also that is...the SHITTEST outpost...I have ever seen in my life. My overall thought process of Atlas is...sinking even LOWER than before.

Though it seems more like a waystation. Bed, Dust, some dudes coat on it. Dead heater. Its probably a rest spot for Specialists out in the tundra.

Ren does the emo sit. Lol. Yang even says it. Brood himself to death.

Alright whats this now...something forcing itself out of the tundra?

And thats it for today! Cool ass concept art at the end there too.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #spoilers #rwby v8

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