#anyway i love drawing things for an audience of like one person (aka me)

[nintendont2502]

These kids need a hug

[lukkabloom]

Fun facts abt residents according to Ikevamp Radio (ヴァンなま) Part 3

Continuing down the line with episodes 8-10!! These are getting longer bc it's getting more and more chaotic and funny

Episode 8: Makki and Morishi in Vincent and Sebas cosplay!!!!

Morishi (referring to Makki’s amazing cosplay) “I can’t destroy the atmosphere of the game (so I have to look good)… well I kinda already did (destroy it) but…” (the 2nd sentences refers to the fact he says weird things in his “I love yu” segment)

Another thing the two did that was cute—Morishi: does driving motion w/his hands Makki: “You don't see taxi drivers so handsome like you. I would be your customer anytime”

Morishi: “Maybe I should become a driver? Haha”

Also!! Makki: “Is Vincent cute?" Morishi: “Yes, Vincent’s cute. Makki’s cute too”

“I love yu” segment coming up!! Sebas starts out by saying “Sigh. Baths are really nice. It’s so nice that I can forget about the fact that I wasn’t nominated in the ever-so popular Ikemen series election (this was during the Ikemen election of 2018)

Also when Vincent enters the bath, Sebas is like “well, well. If it isn’t Master Vincent, whose route was just released and is gaining popularity by the minute.” (This episode celebrated Vincent’s jp route release) and then continues “Congratulations on your route release” to which Vincent’s confused. And then Sebas coughs and says “please don’t mind me”

Vincent likes oden, thanks Sebas for always cooking delicious food

Sebas stops breathing for a sec, then says “Ugh! As expected of a route-released character. So bright!”

Vincent’s worried abt Sebas’s weird attitude, Sebas reassures him that everything’s fine

The two bathe together so much now that it’s almost like a routine

MC is sick in this episode? Sebas brought her okayu (porridge), she happily accepted

Vincent wants to make her porridge as well, asking Sebas if he should put ginger, tabasco, or habanero to warm up her body. Sebas says “she will probably explode if you do that”

Saddened, Vincent proposes to peel apples, Sebas answers “Nononononono. It’s dangerous.”

Vincent: “It’ll be fine. I’ve actually gotten better at cooking. I can make scrambled eggs now”

Theo used to look after Vincent when he’s gotten sick

Sebas gave Vincent chocolates for valentine’s?? It was chocolate in the shape of a sunflower bouquet??? (how is that possible to make???) For Napoleon, Sebas gave him chocolate in a shape of a horse, Leo was given a chocolate in a shape of cigarettes (that’s kinda funny bc in Japan there are these snacks called Choco Cigarettes which are basically that)

Sebas gave Isaac apple-shaped chocolates, who, according to Sebas, made a weird face upon receiving it

Vincent’s in awe, reaffirming his theory that Sebas can do anything

So Sebas confirms that he only gave the gifts to the residents nominated for the Ikemen series popularity poll (Napo, Leo, Isaac, and Vincent—idk who the last person is) and wishes luck to Vincent (Vincent’s just confused but is like “I’ll do my best, I guess?”)

A new segment of the show called “van Gogh and Sebas and sometimes you!!” Where the viewers can vote on the situation they’d like to be in, and Morishi and Makki will act it out as Vincent and Sebas. The chosen situation was “where you are feeling down, and Vincent and Sebas try to make you laugh by doing funny things” and OMG the things they do are FUNNY AS HECK (aka very ooc), they just scream “yeaaaaaahhhhh!!!”

In the script they were given it literally just says “YEAAAAHHHHH!!!” and everything else was adlib

So next up in the “van Gogh’s drawing section” instead of drawing, they made paper-clay dolls of their characters and… well it was interesting to say the least. I recommend just watching the livestream itself for the experience

The two asked the audience if they even wanted the paper-clay dolls, and they were surprised by the “yes”s 

Anyways my fav segment!!! “Can you tell me… your name?” This one was even funnier by the fact that the camera continued to be focused on the Vincent and Sebas clay dolls while the two said their amazing lines. Well, it was supposed to be like that but there were so many voices of laughter and the two VAs couldn’t take it seriously so the camera zoomed out to their faces

Vincent’s line was “The wind here’s a bit too cool, so come here.” Most were serious names, but the last one was “Sebas, the wind here’s a bit too cool, so come here,” and Morishi just entered into the camera frame (it was zoomed into Makki while he was saying his lines)

Sebas’s chosen line was “Woosh! I have seen the inside of your skirt! (しゃっ！スカートの中いただきました)” (idk even know how to translate it, basically Sebas saw your undies from under your skirt when the wind blew too hard) the facial expression Morishi has while saying this line is so funny

There was “Yoshihiko, woosh! I have seen the inside of your skirt!” Makki replies, “I don’t wear one lol”

Episode 9: feat. Leonardo’s VA Tsuda Kenjiro once again once more

Tsuda stumbled on his line when introducing himself. He went “Leonar—aahhhhh” (he was trying to say something like "The voice of Leonardo da Vinci, Tsuda Kenjiro or smth")

They did a poll bc they were curious on the ages of the audience (0.8% were elementary schoolers, 3.3% middle school, 4.6% high, 13.3% college/university, 78% adult/workers) they think the children are watching by themselves, not w/their parents/guardians (they need to make the show available for all ages)

Very random but there’s a segment (that I never talk abt that’s been existing since the 1st episode) called “Motivation! Energy! Suzuki!” (やる気！元気！鈴木！) where a self-proclaimed low-level Cybird employee Suzuki-san introduces events and gachas happening @ the time of the livestream (you can tell why I skip this section. It doesn’t really apply now) Anyways, so she uses her phone during this segment so the VAs can pull on gachas and listen to voice lines in featured cards, and when her phone went back to her lock screen (accidentally) it showed Mozart’s drawing of Vincent from Vincent’s pre-route release and I thought it was neat

So to the thermae skit!!! This is probably one of my fav thermae skit episodes bc it’s so chaotic

Just like usual, Leo and Sebas sing the song whenever they are a part of the thermae episode (the same song from episodes 1 & 3)

Vincent notices that Leo and Sebas are acting a bit weird, the two join Vincent in the bath to talk about it

Leo asks what Vincent thinks of when he says “spring,” Vincent says that spring reminds him of cherry blossoms and he loves them

Leo thinks of the word “farewell” when thinking of spring, then tells Vincent that he has something to inform him

Leo’s planning to leave the mansion, Vincent’s confused asks him if he fought w/Comte

Sebas urges Vincent to be calm and let Leo continue. Leo describes that has a life-long dream of wanting to be a basketball player (I’m not even sure if basketball even exists during this time??)

Vincent is confused, but Leo continues “I know it’s not like me to say that. Besides, no one has ever heard of a basketball player who's a vampire. So I tried to give up. But nothing I do will let me forget about it!” 

Vincent: “Forget about what?”

Leo: “The sound of a basketball bouncing off the floor!” (Sebas: “dun, dun, dun, dun, dun" <- that's the sound of a basketball hitting the floor) Leo: “It’s almost as if god is telling me to not give up on my real dream”  (Sebas: “dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Ando-sensei, I want to play basketball.  [←What reference is this idk] dun, dun, dun, dun, dun")

Leo: “So I’ve finally made up my mind. I’ve decided to leave the mansion and go to the Americas.”

Vincent is confused, and during this time, Sebas starts “I’m sorry to interrupt while you are deep in thought, but I also have something to tell you, Master Vincent”

Vincent: “Wait, you’re not going to say that you’ll be leaving the mansion too, right?”

Sebas: “It’s exactly that.” Vincent: “N-no way.”

(So apparently Sebas has been working in the mansion for 3 years?? I’m guessing MC is here rn so… idk more new info ig)

Sebas: “I’ve been really wondering what it means to come face-to-face with others… And my conclusion has led me to… wrestling.” (Vincent's confused even more)

Sebas: “In the sport called wrestling, you face an opponent without any gear. It is the ultimate definition of coming face-to-face (literally) with other’s bodies.”

(IT JUST GETS FUNNIER FROM HERE) 

Leo: “The two of us, in 2020, desire to compete in the Olympics held in Japan.” Sebas: “I believe my goal is to shoulder the Japanese flag (日の丸).”

Leo & Sebas: “(Master) Vincent. The two of us will be leaving this mansion!”

Vincent: “So… you’ve already made your decision. Then, I can’t stop you. Honestly, I’m a little—no. I’ll miss you a lot. I thought of you two like family.”

Leo & Sebas: “F-family…”

Vincent: “But! I shouldn’t do anything like stopping you from achieving your dreams, right? I-I’ll be watching over the two of—”

Sebas: “Ahhh! Stop!”

Vincent: “... ‘Stop?’”

Sebas: “My chest is hurting so much, I can’t continue doing this! Master Leonardo!”

Leo: “Ooooii, Sebas! Do it properly til the very end....”

Leo reveals that April 1st that’s coming up soon, aka, April Fool’s and everything that they stated previously was a lie. Sebas apologizes, willing to do anything to seek forgiveness from Vincent

Vincent is relieved, saying he can’t be angry at the two bc the happiness he feels from being able to spend more time w/the two overpowers the feeling of anger.

Sebas says phrases like “viewers” and “broadcast” confusing Vincent, but Leo tells him not to worry since it’s Sebas’s usual “meta-fictional expression/breaking the 4th wall”

Afterwards, Vincent says “I forgot to tell you two something. Actually, I’m not a big fan of baths because they’re too hot.”

Leo & Sebas: “EEEEHhhhhhhh!!”

Vincent: “It's a lie. Sorry. I wanted to tell one. Haha. To be honest, I really like baths!”

(I can’t believe I translated almost the whole skit that took so much time. I hope I don’t do that again... I will do it again)

“Can you tell me… your name?” segment comin up!!! Dang Leo’s line “Come here, closer.” his VA has such a good voice I’m swooning

Sebas’s line “Do you want to eat dried squid (atarime)?” Is just so random?? Like usually his lines are funny but at least related to the season or holiday at the time of the broadcast, but you can literally eat dried squid any time of year.

Anyways onto the names being called. There was “Atarime, do you want to eat dried squid?” and “Makki, do you want to eat dried squid?” w/Makki quietly replying “yes, yes.” There was also Tsuda-san and oyaji (dad).

Episode 10: for the first time in this radio the VAs are doing it in front of an audience

(Idk why this link looks a bit weird)

They do this episode in their cosplay which looks amazing as usual

Morishi had Vincent’s Drama CD, and wanted both Vincent and Makki to sign it, addressed to him. Also wanted Makki to draw both Morishi and Makki’s face on it (Makki did all that)

Makki said that Morishi is slowly eating at Sebas's character (basically Sebas turning into Morishi himself)

The return of the “van Gogh and Sebas and something you!!” segment!!! Lmao all the situation descriptions are so long. The chosen situation was “Protecting you from a suddenly-appearing enemy. However, Vincent and Sebas can’t decide who will hold them back, instead arguing against each other” One of the choices was the one they did last time, and Makki was like “pls don’t choose that one” (the one where they try to make you laugh)

Vincent: “We can’t hold them back. Let’s divide the work. One of us will take her (MC) and run away while the other holds back the opponent.”

Sebas: “A very smart decision. In that case, Master Vincent, I’ll leave everything to you here.” takes you away

Vincent: “Eh? Sebas? Isn’t it typically the opposite?”  Sebas: “Eh?”  Vincent: “It looks like we need to have a discussion”

Vincent: “Hey, strong opponent,”  Sebas & Vincent: “wait a moment!”

Vincent’s reasons as to why Sebas should stay is bc Sebas can do anything, so he should be able to hold back the enemy.

Sebas: “Master Vincent, you have more hit points (hp) than me” (since when was this a RPG??)

Vincent: “But above my hp, it says I’m poisoned”   Sebas: “but you only lose 1 health for each poison damage. I’m paralyzed, so—” Vincent: “You’re paralyzed?” Sebas: “and I’m cursed, so I should get away first”

Vincent: “But see, I don’t have any gear equipped.” Sebas: points to Vincent's scarf “But you have your scarf”

Vincent: points to Sebas’s vest “But this jacket here—it gives 100 defense, right?”   Sebas: “I got it. I’ll just take it off” Sebas takes off his outer jacket

Vincent: “Wait, Sebas…”  Sebas: “And then, finally—” Vincent: grabs Sebas's inner jacket “you’re wearing two jackets?”

The discussion was going nowhere, so they decided to end with rock-paper-scissors. Sebas won against Vincent. Vincent: “Sebas escaped, but I’ll do anything for her.” (he says this thrice, showing how salty he is)

Makki said this happens in a parallel world, different from the typical ikevamp period

Thermae episode coming up!! Aka they become idols!!

MC looked tired recently, from overworking and stress, so Sebas came up with an ultimate plan named “I want to make her happy! So we will become idols!”

Vincent doesn’t know what an idol is, Sebas describes it as someone who can sing and dance and make others happy. Vincent’s not sure if they can be something as amazing as that

Sebas: “With your pretty face, dignified personality, and angelic smile, you have all the attributes of an idol”

Vincent: “Sebas too, works hard all the time, and both your personality and appearance is very cool.” Sebas: “thank you for the compliment. Recently, I’ve been feeling that one of my charm points, my coolness, has been challenged.” (It's prob bc you're so weird in these skits, Sebas!!)

Sebas creates rules to become an idol. “Rule #1: an idol’s introduction must be catchy!” Vincent can’t think of one on the spot, so Sebas pre-made one for him. 

Sebas: “Hii! I come from Japan. I’m known as Sebas, aka Sebastian. My job as a butler is always done in a relaxed manner—” Vincent: “Relaxed!” Sebas: “controlling everyone with a cool stare—” Vincent: “Control!” Sebas: “I always understand my position. I keep my emotions in check—” Vincent: “Check!” (Vincent’s chanting Sebas’s words btw) Sebas: “But for tonight, I can express my feelings.”

Anyways it’s Vincent’s turn. Vincent: "Hai! From Groot Zundert, I’m everyone’s angel, Vincent! My hair texture is fluffy!” Sebas: “fluffy!” (Sebas is chanting now) Vincent: “My mood is fluffy!”   Sebas: “fluffy!”  Vincent: “I want to surround you fluffily (?), help you relax with my angelic aura! But… (he suddenly gets serious) don’t forget that I’m actually a man.”

(Both Sebas & Vincent’s lines are supposed to rhyme but my tiny brain doesn’t form great words to do that so you’ll get the literal translation here :PP)

Vincent says he’s embarrassed from doing that, and feels his face getting hot. Sebas says they should get going to the next page of the idol adventure

Vincent’s like “We’re striving to be idols, right? By the time we get there, I feel like she will have recovered…” Sebas: “...” Vincent: “You didn’t realize that, Sebas? You must really like her…” Sebas: “It seems like it…”

They decide to visit her instead after the bath to make her feel better and help her improve

Also I really wasn’t expecting so many ppl to be interested in this??? Anyways I finished all the episodes so as I promised the next parts will be coming out in the next two days :))

[ap0stle]

WIP questionnaire tag game

THANK U FOR THE TAG @astramachina

umm the wip in question is TMNTDT aka Tell Me Not to Do This aka teenage mutant ninja turtle...dookie time

What’s the first part of your WIP that you created?

oough that was back in like... 2016? 2014? and i started with the first chapter right away which ended up being the fourth chapter and then became Nothing At All because i have wrecked this thang beyond recognition <3

If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

definitely Burn a Church by Coma Cinema bc it's been in my mock-soundtrack playlist for years and fits the vibes really well :3 the playlist in question is kind of a mess and old as hell but i'll link that too just in case ^_^

What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

curtis definitely, i think i get caught up on the details of everyone but he is the most wholly developed and also umm. very similar to me so i love him dearly. he is the worst.

What other pieces of media do you think your fanbase would share?

if you like weird indie movies about young mentally unwell people that may or may not be queer and/or on da spectrum... you will enjoy my garbage and such movies as I Am Not a Serial Killer, As You Are, Super Dark Times, etc. ALSO magnus archives fans maybe bc of the whole Mold Cult thing that is still under development

What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

settling on a format was and is still my number one struggle lol. i have switched between a book, comic, videogame, screenplay, website... i have like 50000 drafts scattered across different websites and applications and if this thing ever comes to life i think i will actually fucking ascend

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

ssssssssssort of. there are a lot of dead animals. and fungi. and mold. there have been some minor pet ideas thrown around for the more. Safe Environment characters but for the time being no actual lovable creatures :/ maybe eventually!

How do your characters travel/get around?

Juno's car because mr. dumbass dumped his murder truck into a river ^_^

What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

....yes. in all seriousness i have so many different versions in different POVs and tenses it's a toss up as to what i work on and if it will even make it to the next round of editing LOL

What aspects (tropes, maybe?) will you think draw your audience in?

its not quite explicitly queer (in the latest version) but heavily HEAVILY implied and i feel like the stories that are sort of ambiguous about their queerness tend to draw more people in ?? or they're more popular anyway LOL. so trope: queerbaiting ????

deeply unwell man who has not slept properly in 600 years. the ladies love that shit

^ unreliable narrator ?

religious horror sort of?

bury your gays except. is he actually dead?? .....

What are your hopes for your WIP?

to settle on a fucking medium LMAO. i cannot for the life of me stick to one, or a point of view, OR a tense so um . makin a goddamn decision would probbaly make the writing process like 600 times easier

tagging UM. shaking my brain for writer mutuals ik ive tagged yall before but i cannot think rn so @hammity-hammer @aether-friskets @xxdrowninglessonsxx @deviantartidentitydisorder

anyway if anyone else wants do this just pretend u have been personally tagged ily THANK U AGAIN MITCH ♡♡♡

[sinclarify]

yap session 2 : chiyo inoue the ultimate circus ringmaster

the spinny wheel of fate said it's chiyo's turn now!! hehehe im so happy i love her anyway let's GO yay chiyo!! first things first let's get up her official description... well. she doesnt have a proper official one just yet but this tells a bit about her character! "Chiyo's the newly appointed leader of the Inoue Travelling Circus (aka, the hottest tourist attraction in Japan, if she does say so herself!), and rightly deserves her title of Ultimate due to her unrelenting passion for the job and everything that comes along with it. Chiyo takes her duties extremely seriously, and always wants to provide an exceptional experience for both the audience watching her shows and the people she works with. As a result, she's developed high levels of emotional intelligence, compassion, and the ability to raise spirits and energy both inside and out of the circus tent. It's easy for her to make friends - she's got this aura that just pulls people in! She's nothing but a total sweetheart, always willing to be there for everybody and wants to make sure that, no matter what, energy is high and happiness is through the roof! You'd be a fool to mistake her kind nature for weakness and naivety, though - when she wants to be, she has the capability to be extremely firm, and if it were to ever come to it, she would never back down from a decision." yayayyyy my silly girl 4eva hehe <3 unlike a lot of my fanclass sillies she does not have TERRIBLE lore. she was brought up in a loving family consisting of her mother and father, and from a young age, she's always known that her passion lay with the family business. since she was little, she'd sit in that circus tent, eyes wide with total awe at all the feats that were on display, from the tightrope walkers to the rings of fire to the magicians... it was like being thrown into a fairytale, a fantasy plucked from her wildest imagination right in the palm of her hand; all due to the hard work from her parents. they're her biggest inspirations! after one show, she ran to them, tugging on her mother's skirt and pulling her father's hand and babbling almost incoherently about how mommy! daddy! i want to be just like you! i wanna run the circus pleasepleaseplease can you let me run the circus? of course, she was way too little then... but years later, and her dream finally came true!! the inoue travelling circus is chiyo's lifeblood, literally. she'd give anything to make sure it prospers, to keep the legacy her parents had created alive and burning. it's their greatest achievement, and it's chiyo's, too!! if it were to ever fail... she doesn't know what she'd do with herself. so really, being thrown into a killing game and forced away from her family and her livelihood isn't all that great! who would've thought? still, chiyo maintains her cheerfulness, trying not to let all of the fears, anxieties and uncertainty plague her mind - she's smiling, and that's enough. that's all she can do! smile, and push through it with conviction. it's gotten her through 20 years of life already, hasn't it? but... smiling alone is alright, sure, but it's much better when you're doing it with others, too!! chiyo quickly realises that making friends is what will keep her strength going, even when faced with everything that might be thrown at them. her positivity and easygoing demeanour means that most people are at least warmed up to her, but it's not too long before she especially draws the attention of two people in particular - natsu shimada and kozue kaneko! all three of them are quite similar. natsu's charismatic, with a magnetic personality and not a single mean bone in his body, and kozue's got enough energy to power an entire city. birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes, and the three of them become pretty stuck-at-the-hip pretty quickly. much to chiyo and kozue's surprise, they even start to become friendly with kane. kane cooper. that's mainly due to natsu just dragging him along, but... he seems to be warming up to them. friendship blooms in even the harshest conditions, huh?

if only it were just friendship, though! chiyo's not exactly sure when it started, but she starts to find that she's not looking at natsu and kozue the same way anymore. she looks at natsu, and all she sees is a great guy that she's happy to be friends with! she looks at kozue... and it's much more than that. she finds herself utterly drawn to the other girl like a moth to a flame, endeared to her every quirk, no matter how obnoxious it may seem to the others. there's a fire in kozue's eyes that keeps the fire in chiyo's burning, a warmth that she can't help but indulge in, and god, those hands would feel so nice in hers, wouldn't they...? she's had silly crushes before, but somehow it feels different. somehow, kozue feels like a light shining through the suffocating darkness of the killing game, and chiyo finds herself wanting this so much more than anything else.

and lucky her! kozue wants it pretty badly, too. that's one hell of a meet-cute! they're not exactly together, per se... it's pretty hard to confirm your relationship status while in the midst of a killing game, but nonetheless, they're together. they have each other, and that's all they need.

even though they've faced death so many times that they think it won't sicken them anymore, only for the acid to burn their throats every single time without fail. even though neither of them can be sure whether they'll make it to the next morning... they'll lie together at night, their fingers intertwined and their breathing synced and they'll deal with tomorrow when it comes. it doesn't even have to be called love. it's just chiyo and kozue. those names side by side is love in itself. kozue and chiyo. chiyo and kozue. that's all they need. everything changes after quinn's trial and the execution of hideyo, though. god, it's like nothing they've ever seen before - kaori's death was an utter tragedy, and yeah, minori was a killer, but it's hard to not feel some sympathy for them... but quinn had to deal with the most gruesome of fates and hideyo was nothing but a monster. a vile, deplorable monster, and that's not something the ultimates can just shake off. the atmosphere has completely shifted... there's no sense of hope anymore. it's like they're all just waiting with bated breaths for another killing to happen, resigning themselves to utter despair. smile. smile, chiyo, and everything will be okay! that's what your parents told you. mommy and daddy weren't wrong, that's how they lived and it worked and you want to be just like them so smile and make everyone happy and everything will be okay and you can do this it's okay it's okay but no it's not because she isn't. kozue isn't. kozue's not okay, chiyo can see it in her jumpiness, the way she's constantly averting her eyes, the shakiness of her breaths and how she only ever seems to observe now. watching the other ultimates like some nervous young bird of prey. kozue's not been that great at hiding her emotions anyway, and chiyo's always been good at reading them, so she knows what this means. kozue's planning a kill. not out of malicious intent, no, she's not that kind of girl, but... pure, unadulterated, desperation. she's probably not even thinking clearly, her brain too clouded and her body too sick, and chiyo loves kozue to bits but she knows she's going to end up doing something stupid, so she'll have to intervene, for the good of everybody. she gets kozue alone one night and cuts right to the chase! she tells her that she knows she's planning to kill someone, and that she's not angry or upset, but she needs to know that she's making a bad decision! kozue, you could die! you will die. trust me. kane and junichiro are so smart, so, so smart, and you know they'll figure you out. just like minori and hideyo... and i can't do that. i can't watch you die, kozue. i can't. please.

kozue looks up at chiyo, her eyes puffy and her cheeks red, choking the words out of her throat: i need to.

just three little words, but chiyo knows immediately that kozue's never been so serious about anything before. it's such a far cry from how she had been just a couple days earlier, but even when faced with this kozue, the one that’s so utterly broken and scared and desperate, she can still see her soul shining through, glistening in her eyes as the tears that pool there. so she draws in a shaky breath and takes kozue's hand, no hesitation in the next words she speaks.

okay. kill me, then.

before kozue can protest, she tightens her grip on her hands, leaning forward and looking into her eyes with such conviction, despite the hammering of her own heart and the breathiness of her words that speak to her fears.

kozue, please. kill me. it'll be okay, yeah? we'll see each other soon, won't we? kill me, a-and...and in the trial, let them figure everything out. kill me, then we'll both be out of here. and we'll be together! forever, kozue, don't you want that? please don't cry. please... d-dont cry... you're okay. i'm okay, look, i'm smiling! you have the prettiest smile i've ever seen, kozue. you're so pretty. smile for me. it'll be okay. please. you'll do this, won't you? kozue... it's alright.

what happens after that is a blur.

chiyo and kozue. kozue and chiyo...

together, that's all they need! chiyo and kozue.

kozue and chiyo.

kozue and... chiyo's body. still smiling. that's all she could do, smile. it got her through 20 years of life... so how fitting is it that she died with a smile on her face, too?

a smile on her face and the thought in her mind that she had everything she ever wanted right here. she couldn't think of a better way to die, at the hands of the girl she loved so dearly.

soon they'd be able to meet.

chiyo and kozue, together.

that's all they need.

[writingbywatson]

Genshin Boys With A Dense Crush (Part 2)

Here is part 2~ so, the reason why I didn't include Bennett and Razor is the fact that I can never write for them, like IDK why but its just very hard for me. So yeah, sorry about that. Part 1 (Albedo, Childe and Diluc)

Chongyun

Dense + Dense = more dense

It was painfully obvious that Chongyun likes you but for some reason, he can’t quite figure that out for himself

But everyone around them knows

Xingqiu is actually on the road to writing a book about the two of you

Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei are betting on how long until Chongyun realizes his feelings

Chongyun doesn’t know why he likes to see you every day, wants to have meals with you, and why he gets uncomfortable when he sees you with another person and smiling at them

Maybe it was the work of g-

“Oh I like them” -Chongyun one day when he woke up

He consulted his best friend Xingqiu about this and Xingqiu just placed his books down and said “dear archons finally, it was getting very painful to watch”

So the two started planning a cute little confession scenario

Somewhere Xinyan and Yan Fei are crying because they lost the best but Yan Fei is arguing that betting was illegal and has no ground in the law… Yan Fei, you betted with your conscience please stop

Anyway!

The pair of best friends decided to go with a simple type of confession because less is more in Xingqiu’s books

It was going so well, a cute dinner and all of that

“I like you Y/N, can we be more than that?”

Oh is that Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei spying on both of you from the bushes? Why, yes indeed.

“You want to be best friends Chongyun? But don’t you have Xingqiu as your best friend already?” - you with your ever so innocent voice and expression

Chongyun is frozen in place

Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao and Yan Fei are betting again this time how many times will Chongyun get a friendzone

Kaeya

Someone revive him

He can’t take your dense nature anymore

This is Kaeya after all everything he does allude to something so WHY WON'T YOU GET IT STILL

“Oh, Kaeya? You like someone!? Can you introduce me to them?” - you asking excitedly upon hearing his and Rosaria’s conversation

Kaeya was pretty sure he was describing you

Rosaria is holding back her laugh, she can't breathe… SOMEONE SAVE HER

“I love them but this dense attitude is too much!” - Kaeya as he slams his fist on top of Diluc’s bar

“Have you tried wooing them?” - Diluc as his wiping a glass down, he's so nonchalant about this situation LMAO

“HAVE I TRIED?” - Kaeya sounding very offended

“How about getting a white bed sheet and painting “will you marry me Y/N” on it?” - Rosaria

“Yeah, they leave me no ch-”

“Sit down, don’t embarrass yourself like a child” - Diluc pushing his brother down to sit

“HOW WILL I GET MY FEELINGS ACROSS THOUGH!”

“Just confess, normally… like… a normal person” - Diluc

Kaeya decided that in two days time he was going to confess to you, two days because he needed to make sure it was perfect

But the moment he saw you laughing with some random guy all the planning was thrown out the window

“Meet me in front of the church when the sun rises” - Kaeya to you when he passes by you at the corridor of the headquarters

When you arrived, he made you stand at the flight of stairs in front of the church while he went down

He kneeled with his right knee touching the ground and he pulled a very neatly folded white sheet from his pocket

He unraveled it and wrote, “WILL YOU MARRY ME Y/N?”

But even before you can react a thunderous shouting can be heard and a chuckle

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? I SAID CONFESS NORMALLY!” -Diluc

Thoma

I’m going to try but still little info on this new pyro husband

Thoma is a very understanding boy

He likes you so much that he's willing to wait

But damn has he been waiting long

He decided he was going to confess to you today as well!

“Y/N! I like you!” - Thoma

“I like you too! You are like my best friend!” - you

Every time this happens Thoma stress eats.

Ayaka is giggling because he has never seen her friend like this

He's trying his best for you to like him, he cooks for you, takes care of you, guards you, protects you…

WHAT IS HE DOING WRONG!?

“You know the festival is ongoing” -Ayato as he watches his sister’s friend mop around like a puppy who has been kicked. “Why don’t you try confessing properly and straight-forwardly there?”

That gave him an idea

He dragged to the talisman-wishing thing and told you that you two should make one

When the both of you were done, you should each other what you made and to your surprise, Thoma made a drawing of the both of you holding hands

“It’s not us being best friends forever” - he clarified

“It’s me hoping to spend many more years beside you as your lover.”

Venti

Barbatos aka Venti the Bard has been singing a lot of love songs lately

Especially when you were in the audience watching

He always likes your smile especially when you were watching him

So when the two of you were strolling around near the church of Monstad

He decided that he was going to confess today

Years of being alone and he finally get what Vanessa told him about meeting the right person

“Y/N, I love you-”

“Aww, Venti, I love you too!”

“Really?!” - Venti very excitedly

“Yeah! I love you as a friend! We’re like besties!”

Dvalin felt that

Andrius felt that

Hell even Vanessa felt that from Celestia

“Oh I got to go, bestie, I have something to do! See you tomorrow!”

Lately, the winds of Monstad have been depressing?

“I don’t understand! I thought they liked me back!” Venti his chugging his alcohol while Diluc looked at him in irritation

Diluc wants to kick him out but Venti is Monstad’s archon so he decided against it

“Venti! There you are!” - you

Venti hears your voice and because his drunk his happy instead of upset

He throws himself at you in an attempt of a sloppy hug

“Y/N! I love you~”

“I love you too, we are fr-”

“NO! I LOVE YOU LIKE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER I LOVE YOU! THAT TYPE OF LOVE THAT IF YOU ASK ME TO FIGHT MORAX I WOULD!”

Xiao

When Xiao first had these feelings he was confused

He lived a long life and this was the first time in his life where when he sees someone his chest becomes constricted and warm

“Xiao! Do you like traveler!?” - you excitedly

Xiao felt a tightening in his chest not that good type but am i being stab right now type of tightening

His answer would usually be along the lines of no and he can’t have relationships with mortals

He usually has a lot more patience with you compared to others but hearing you say that he looks good with someone else just made something in him snap

He didn’t mean to shout at you nor did he mean it when he said you should leave him alone

That’s why he's waiting for you at Wangshun Inn, his loneliness grew into worry when after 2 days you weren’t back yet

Upon eavesdropping around he also found out that no one has seen you and your last known location was Mt. Hulao and he immediately began to worry because that place was prohibited to humans

“Are you looking for someone?” - Mountain Sharper appeared behind Xiao as he reached the top of Mt. Hulao. “Are you looking for a mortal perhaps?”

“How did-”

“-That mortal is pretty noisy, they don’t stop talking and they know you.”

Oh, the warm feeling in his chest is back because they were talking about him which means that they weren’t angry at him!

“Where are they!?” Xiao would realize and I swear to you his ready to break every amber rock around Mt.Hulao

“Calm down, they are currently collecting Qingxin flowers”

Right on cue, “XIAO!? IS THAT YOU!?” he heard your voice from behind him, when he saw you, he immediately rushes to you and hugs you

“What are you doing here!?” Xiao would ask, his voice was raised only because of relief

“Oh, I got lost! And Moon Sharper here saw me, we ended up chatting and I guess I forgot the time, he shared so many stories about y- WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ARE YOU HURT!?”

“I’m alright… I just… I m-miss…”

Moon Sharper is just looking at this scene and he knows he's about to spill the hottest tea next time the adeptus (idk plural form okay) have a dinner party

Xingqiu

At first glance, it might look like that he isn’t affected at all

But internal his boiling

WHY WERE YOU SO DENSE

IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIS CLAN'S TEACHING AND WHAT NOT HIS PROBABLY ABOUT TO ASK YOU FOR A FIGHT

“You’ll make a great husband someday Xingqiu, I know it! Your future wife would be so happy!”

“I want you to be my wife though”

“What was that?”

“NOTHING!”

He knows he needs to move so he can win your heart but how can he when you were dodging every advance he makes

What is more frustrating is that YOU ARE NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE

As an author he wants to experience romance first hand, so he tries to be romantic about it but this was frustrating

He decided to pull his last technique from his sleeves

He lent you a very romantic book and between one of the pages he inserted a paper that read “I wish for you to be my muse.”

If that doesn’t work Xingqiu is going to ask you to fight him

Zhongli

Zhongli, Rex Lapis aka Morax has lived thousands of years

Yet this is the first time he encountered someone so dense at first he taught you were just kidding and pretending but when he described what he likes in someone which was pertaining to you

You simply said “WOW THEY SOUND WONDERFUL AND YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU SOUND SO IN LOVE” at his face with genuine awe, there was no sign of you being flustered and whatnot

Hu Tao was there to witness this and the younger female had a good laugh when she witnessed this

Zhongli is now praying to Guizhong for help and patience

He first wondered if the reason for such behavior was because you dislike him but it wasn’t the case because you would always smile when you see him

Which makes his knees very weak

In heaven, all the dead gods are laughing at him

He has lived for so many years and yet he doesn’t know what to do because he wants to spend years with you

But a part of him says this isn’t right because his an immortal and you were a mortal, someday him being a former god would drive an enigma in the future

That’s why he was also hesitating on his part

“Zhongli, look-look! A merchant from Monstad gave me a Cecilia!” - you snapping him from his thought, he's a tall man so you had to tip-toe to put the flower in his hair

“There you look even prettier now!” - you smiling up to him

As you were withdrawing your hand, Zhongli grabs it and places it in front of his lips

“I love you Y/N”

[theyarebothgunshot]

jib 7 breakdown and analysis 

a little while ago i said that i am open to requests for making analysis posts when it comes to cockles panels and just cockles in general, and i got quite a few responses. the first person who asked me was my lovely tea anon, and the panel in question is jib 2016 aka jib 7. 

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video. 

standard disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. my recommendation would be to watch the panel in its entirety alongside my comments. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

the overall vibe that this panel gives me is that jensen and misha are a unity at this point. they are in sync with each other, and this whole panel is very relaxed and in good spirits. there is also the fact that their outfits match very well. and with jensen ross ackles involved, that cannot be a coincidence, so i love that a lot. 

another thing that i cannot ignore is that it’s also a very sexual panel, with a lot of double meanings and innuendos and remarks that can be read as sexual if you are as pervy as me. 

now let’s get into the specifics. 

although i am sure this is not going to be news for any of you, i feel like a little background knowledge is in order. before this panel, misha had had a panel that day with j*red. the mishalecki panel was really fucking funny and filled with sexual innuendos. 

between these two panels, it appears that there was a break in which they all had nothing to do (i am basing this off other people’s experiences and reports that i have read in the past, as i unfortunately wasn’t there myself).

considering how this panel goes, i think there is a good chance that jensen and misha just had sex beforehand. and based on both of their demeanors, one could draw certain conclusions about who did what (i honestly don’t like talking about who tops and who bottoms because who gives a shit and things are rarely that black and white, but all i’m gonna say is that even though jensen has joked about his asshole before, jensen and misha clearly said switch rights).

from the very first second. the VERY FIRST SECOND. jensen is sauntering on stage like he is thee man. then the crowd is cheering ‘one more time’, and jensen looks at misha, starts cheering too, and makes a movement that is bordering on obscene before waving it away. conclusion: ‘one more time’ could also mean ‘one more round of hot steaming sex’ and he still had sex on the brains, so that was what he was thinking about. 

ahhh, the intricate ritual [1m34s] of greeting each other on stage as if you haven’t spoken to each other all day, even though you probably just had sex….. jensen ackles, i wanna study you. i wonder what the deal is with that. does he just like to pay misha extra attention on stage? does he revel in the fact that he knows that fans like this sort of interaction? can he just not help himself? questions that keep me up at night. 

also, there is just SOMETHING about the way jensen says ‘i’m doing well how are you?’ it’s almost flustered? borderline shy? and then he goes on to say that he did an impression of misha earlier, in a manner that’s just so flirty. idk guys. it’s flirty. kindergarten flirty, but flirty nonetheless.

misha, of course, immediately turns his entire body towards him. almost as if they both already forgot there is an audience in front of them. then he just gets closer and closer to jensen, for no reason whatsoever except for the pure magnetic pull they have on each other. pray4misha.

i think it is a testament to how in sync they are that misha immediately realises that jensen mentioned bicycle touring during his ‘impression of misha’, and i love the moment where jensen puts on an accent (something that misha normally does) and goes ‘is like sport’ and misha laughs and goes ‘is very similar to sport’ and they both lose it. idk, i feel like that might be a sort of inside joke to them as well. 

this might be slightly reaching, but hear me out: right away, jensen goes: ‘oh by the way, sore?’ why would he say ‘by the way’? what is he thinking about when he says that? is it about ‘is very similar to sport’? because i could totally see them having sex and refering to it as ‘well that’s kind of like a sport’, as an inside joke. it works. i’m just saying!!! 

look. i know this back and forth has been discussed to death. we all know that the implication is that jensen fucked misha and misha is kind of stunned that jensen actually goes there. so stunned that he repeats it: ‘sore? am i sore?’ almost as if to stall a bit in his response. yikes. 

i think that it’s fair to say that this is something jensen enjoys doing: riling misha up on stage. because a lot of the time, misha has the upper hand on stage (probably also in the bedroom but that’s another conversation), but sometimes. sometimes jensen just can’t help but throw a lil oil onto the fire. (see also: underbear panel, throwing himself on stage to get straddled, etc). 

misha goes on to say that ‘after the panel with j*red’ he is quite sore. you can take that at face value, and think ‘oh so he is joking around that the panel with j*red made him sore haha’ or you can see a little bit of the truth shine through: literally after that panel, something happened that made him sore. it’s always easier to lie when you are bending the truth.

i actually can’t believe i never connected the dots before, but when misha deflects and says ‘oh you’re talking about the bike riding’ jensen is quick to say: ‘oh no i was talking about what just happened’ but instead of pointing at the stage (which is where the previous panel took place) he is gesturing to backstage. i mean…. way to feed into my ‘they just had sex backstage’ theory, jackles. thanks for that. 

i cannot get over the way jensen is looking at misha throughout this whole ordeal, but especially when he goes ‘you heard it here first, folks’ and misha walks up to him. THAT FACE. fuck him. he’s so gone. 

sidenote: i have never wished to be able to read lips as much as i have since i have stumbled upon these two morons, because i WISH i could see what misha is mouthing to jensen. i know there is some spec that he might have said ‘i am a little bit’ (aka he is a little bit sore) and i could see that, but i just want to know for sure. and even though i have seen people state that jensen would have already known about the panel with j*red, i think it’s possible misha hadn’t filled jensen in yet, seeing as they probably were doing something other than talking. 

let me take this moment to tell y’all about one of my jenmish theories, and that is: i think that jensen sometimes is overprotective of misha and that can come across as jealousy when it’s actually just worry. and i think this panel is a good example of that.

misha says [4m25s] that in italy they call come influence and jensen just. straight up looks at misha like ‘what the fuck did you do, what mess did you get yourself into this time?’ this is another reason why i believe he actually didn’t know about what happened during that panel yet: the reaction looks very authentic. you see his eyes shift from one side to the other and back again, as he is trying to process it. and honestly when you look at misha, his face goes through this journey of ‘this is funny’ to ‘shit is this maybe going a bit too far?’ and ending on ‘okay wrap it up wrap it up’. this is further solidified by the fact that jensen starts to mime digging a grave (aka ‘digging your own grave’).

misha tries to ‘change the subject’ by saying cas is the bottom in the implied relationship with sam and jensen immediately brings it back to sports. see what i meant when i said that they are tying sex and sports together? here jackles goes again, doing exactly that. for no reason whatsoever. (except to once again proof my point). 

WHY [5m50s] do they both burst out laughing at ‘tight end’ why why why i don’t wanna know but why why also quick reminder of ‘are you sore at all’ help i am just. EVERY DAY they are making me perceive things and connect dots and i do not like it. anyways i’m not saying that this is all very graphic stuff about their sex lives but i’m also not not saying it, you feel? jensen’s face says it all tbh. on a more wholesome note: i love the fact that they basically wanted to say ‘we should take questions’ at the same time. again: in sync. 

when the first person to ask a question said ‘this is a serious question’ misha goes to explain to jensen that that was a joke during his panel with j*red, another reason to believe that he hadn’t told jensen about the panel yet. jensen’s face there…. heart eyes motherfucker. 

i really don’t see enough people talk about the ‘safe word’ [6m38s] bit. jensen is the one to bring it up ‘so we should probably establish a safe word at this point. mine is keep going.’ misha laughs, and then realises what jensen has said, and (here comes my dom/sub truthing) teases jensen by saying ‘what is your safe word?’ to which jensen replies ‘keep going’ but LOOK at jensen’s face after he says that. he shakes his head with a little smirk and looks at misha with such a knowing look in his eyes that says ‘you fucker you know damn well what my safe word is’ and he actually does a double take and immediately rolls his eyes at himself after that. it’s all very quick but it’s far from subtle and i am here for it. 

i fucking love this next part because when the person says ‘a real story about the real jensen and the real misha’ they both are just like ‘yes okay’ but as soon as they say ‘that you have never told anyone before’ jensen just looks down and moves his head as if to say ‘what the hell am i supposed to come up with then’ lmao it’s really funny, and they end it with: ‘to know you a little bit better’ and guys (gn) i beg of you to look at the way they look at each other here. [7m24s] jensen is just like ‘help wtf should we say to this’ and misha just smiles down at him fondly like ‘sigh our fans really want us to talk about our relationship and as much as we would love to share stuff we just can’t’.

when misha says ‘we have to dust off some of those stories that we usually try not to tell other people’, something comes to mind: the ‘3 least ordered items on the menu’ story, that jensen shared a year after this at honcon. i honestly think that maybe they started to talk about what else they could share with the public, after this panel, because they get similar questions like this one all the time. either that or jensen just thought about what he felt comfortable sharing, without talking to misha about it, and decided to tell that story. 

i also absolutely love when they say ‘this is a serious question’ at the same time. AGAIN: IN SYNC!!!

‘i actually have a voice for you’ jensen can you please tell me why this sounds flirty and charming while you are actually about to make fun of your husband? i hate you (no i don’t) the fact that misha immediately knows what will happen, says a lot.

then jensen says: ‘dust off an old story for uhh..’ and burst out laughing. i swear to god i’d give my left pinkie to know what came to mind and what he whispered into misha’s ear. and i’m left handed. but i think we can all agree that whatever jensen said, it was something sexual, seeing as misha goes ‘nope’. those fuckers (affectionate).

something that i have mentioned in the past is that jensen always sort of ‘jokey’ goes ‘oh shit’ whenever misha says he’ll share something personal/private about them. i mean. jensen, it would be less sus if you didn’t respond. just giving you some pointers here, bro. because misha almost never shares something strange, it’s actually your reaction that makes me go ‘hmmmm.’ this time he even gets kind of elaborate breathing?? [10m27s]

oh to be a fly in clif’s car… honestly, the things clif must have heard and witnessed lmao. he clearly knows what is up between them (has made enough remarks about thinking that misha would be the bottom and that misha on his knees was nothing new for me to see that he absolutely knows.) 

this isn’t really important when it comes to cockles but they talk a bit about j*red’s internet dispute with at&t and jensen goes ‘oh they know’ gesturing to the audience. so clearly, jensen is well aware of the fact that fandom gets involved whenever something happens online with any one of them. just. thought that is an interesting fact. just in general. also love how i can tell that they both think j*reds crusades are bullshit (as they should). 

there is something really cute [14m13s] about the way misha goes ‘do you want your apple juice?’ and jensen goes ‘yeah!’ it sounds so domestic and mundane and i just. god i love them so much. 

i know we talk about jensen’s heart eyes a lot. but y’all. look [14m52s] at misha right here. he’s SO in love.

the thing that strikes me about jensen putting on ‘that voice’ for misha is that misha is honestly not bothered by it at all, but i think if the shoe was on the other foot, jensen would definitely be bothered. i don’t know what conclusion to draw from that but i just thought that is interesting. i always laugh at that bit, though, they seem to have so much fun.

i REALLY wanna know how jensen got from ‘will you dance for us?’ to ‘no but i’ll tell you what, misha and i will write a song for you real quickly.’ it’s such a fast transition that i am tempted to think that this was something he had been thinking about for a while now. he just wanted his mish to sing a song. and that warms my heart.

if you think i will ever get over how soft jensen is here… ‘you’re smart, you think on your feet, you make brilliant videos, put them on facebook, write amazing texts (*coughs* poems) and tweets and stuff, go ahead. spit out some lyrics, big guy.’ there is not one single thing about this that i do not adore. an ode to misha!!!! so casually!!! fuck. it might be true that if you want jensen to do something, you get misha to ask him, but it’s certainly also true the other way around.

the way jensen just. stares [19m02s] at misha, trying to get inspired by him, trying to feel out what cords to play. yeah. the way misha stands up but instinctively turns to jensen when he starts to sing. yeah. and then during the remainder of the song, he keeps on turning to jensen even though he faces the audience. and jensen loved it all. it’s so sweet. idk why but it just is. jensen just wanted his babe to thrive and get the love he deserves. 

aaaand in comes the dom shake [20m37s]. we love to see it. jensen just keeps on looking at mish. almost gets lost in it. touches his inner thigh (one of his habits, which he does a lot around misha or when talking about misha). 

i think it’s very interesting that jensen’s reaction [22m11s] to the question if he thinks dean will ever find a way to have a romantic relationship and to find himself in between normal and supernatural, is to immediately looks at misha. like? what was the reason? did he expect misha to answer a question that wasn’t about cas but about dean? did he think he should maybe answer it in a destiel-like manner? was he worried that the fan was hoping for a destiel-like answer and was he looking at misha to gauge what he thought was a smart way to respond? so many questions. 

i think it’s pretty interesting that jensen was very aware of the fact that people did not wanna see dean end up with a huntress lmao. he absolutely was aware of so many fandom things.

when jensen said that misha just crossed the line [23m40s], it’s another example of how jensen is ultra aware of what misha says and how it could get him into trouble and by the sounds of it, misha knows that as well but he just can’t always stop himself in time. from what we can see, he often realises just after he has already said something (when it is already too late).

listen. the fact that misha says ‘when harry met sally’ BEFORE the question was even finished, and jensen LAUGHS, like??? that panel was 5 years ago at that point. it clearly made a lot of impact on the both of them (jeez i wonder why, could it be because misha faked an orgasm and jensen got excited? hmm. who knows.) 

i think the dance portion is so fucking hilarious i’m wheeeezing. literally. they are just moving randomly AND YET THEY STILL SORT OF ARE IN SYNC? amazing.

you wanna know what i find really cute? the fact that jensen has such a soft spot for the resume off. part of me thinks it’s because they had a resume off in both 2012 and 2013. 

and jib 2012 took place during the famously rumored break up period. i wouldn’t be surprised if jib 2013 was that much more special to him because they finally got to make it right again. don’t look at me i’m getting emotional (on that note…… i might wanna write something about the break up period at some point. but idk. i mean. it’s a lot to delve into especially since i wasn’t in the fandom back then but. it compels me. we’ll see i guess.)

okay i know i keep saying this but they are SO in sync, as soon as they talk about photo ops and jensen goes ‘and to dab a little salt in the wound’ misha knows what he is gonna say, and they stand up together to demonstrate what happened. AND they both go ‘that’s not the punchline’ they are husbands. 

misha and jensen have both “twirled away laughing” in the EXACT same manner during this panel: misha when jensen starts to read the script, and jensen right here when misha says ‘what’s it like to be in a successful long running show’. they are mirrors. listen. listen. i know my mind is in the gutter a LOT of the time but like. uhm. there is this moment where they recall a woman saying in the photo op to ‘eat it’ (the string candy she gave to them) and misha says ‘and so we did’ and jensen looks at misha and it is SUCH an incriminating look i mean i don’t wanna be that person but 5 bucks he was thinking about eating misha out i am JUST SAYING. LITERALLY LOOK AT HIS FACE. [28m55s]

misha teases [7m02s] jensen by saying ‘what did you do? did you actually do it on purpose orrrr’ and i think it was to make jensen elaborate on it. which i think is a fucking good way to pull that off when it comes to jensen. cause jensen doesn’t like to brag, which misha knows, so by making that joke he is essentially trying to get jackles to tell the audience more about what he did, without him feeling like he is boasting about himself. and misha looks so pleased when jensen starts talking.

fuck i literally had to pause just now because. jensen says: ‘one of the characteristics of dean that i love to play is that he can bottle those fears up, stash them away, and just go. and uhm… sometimes i wish i could do that.’

this is actually making me a bit emotional because. he took his time saying this. it was a very deliberate move. he wasn’t sorry he said anything or regretted it. he wanted to get that out there. and i just. it makes so much sense if what we all think is actually true. he wishes he could just ignore all his fears and go for it. and it’s not hard to imagine what ‘it’ could be: coming out. whether that be just about his relationship with misha or being attracted to more than women in general, just in any way shape or form. it’s poignant. and misha turns away, but you can see him sigh a little bit. 

the whole bit about “apple juice” is just very cute and i enjoy it a lot. one thing i will say though is that i can kind of spot two tells of jensen: the way his face scrunches up when he is telling a lie that he thinks is clever, and the way he always leaves his chair to pour a drink when a question becomes difficult/hard/too funny to face head on. he has done both of those things time and time again, during panels with misha. just an observation. 

there is this little moment [10m13s] where misha tells the story about how he used to make apple cider with worms and dirt in it and in the end he goes ‘anyways. new england apple cider everyone. highly recommend.’ and jensen echoes that, ‘highly recommend. yeah.’ and of course that could just be a way to joke around and play along with misha but i’d like to think that he has visited misha and they had some apple cider together. just because i like the thought and i can, so. 

how CUTE is it that jensen remembers ‘i’ll just wait here then’, a line cas spoke 7 years prior to that panel, in a scene jensen wasn’t even in. i love it.

jensen slowly shaking his head when misha says ‘fuck’ and apologizing for it has SUCH major ‘excuse my husband’ energy. i love it.

‘i’ve got an idea’ [14m13s] ‘what? let’s do it’ misha imMEDIATELY regretted that lmaooo they are always so aware of double meanings and yet they cannot seem to help themselves. we love to see it. 

can you BELIEVE jensen ‘dance monkey dance’ ackles OFFERED to shamelessly promote a movie they have nothing to do with??? jensen, who hates the fact that they have to play some sort of show on stage, actually wanted to do that with misha??? i’m just- something something if you want jensen to do anything ask misha, but apparently also: if you want jensen to do something get misha involved and he’ll love it. 

and then he has the audacity to say ‘over to the wheel of love.’ i mean. i can’t.

(i don’t necessarily understand what is happening btw but that’s okay, because it leads to champagne. which is fun.)

okay so again apologies for my mind being in the gutter but jensen’s face [16m33s] when he says he is going to explain what [the champagne] tastes like……. hm. help. 

 honestly i just love the whole champagne bit because i love it whenever they get so playful on stage, and them “presenting” the bottle and going all ‘we know what we’re talking about’ ‘we’re kind of connaisseurs’ and the whole english accent bit. say it with me…. in sync. 

jensen popping a champagne bottle is something that can be so personal…. (i’m touch starved and going crazy, leave me alone)

i absolutely love the fact that jensen notices that misha is miming taking off his pants and misha immediately runs to him to explain and jensen just goes full on protective husband mode (YET AGAIN) ‘i turn my back for 2 minutes’ lmao it’s just such old married couple behavior. an old married couple that is horny and deranged, but still. 

i’ve seen the gifset of this moment [24m52s] many a times but i still think it’s so intimate. the way misha looks at jensen and walks backwards with him, for no fucking reason at all. sigh. misha’s hand clenches a little, and honestly i think he would have wanted to reach out to jensen in that moment. pat his arm or his back. and something happens a little while later that only proves my point even more…

that caress [60m5s] is probably one of the most intimate gestures i’ve seen between them. it’s so familiar. so natural. it says a lot.

and that’s the end of the panel. all in all i have to say that i enjoyed rewatching this panel with the analysis goggles on, because it’s really a very different experience and i picked up on a lot more than i did when i watched it just for fun. i think this is one of my favorite panels of theirs (at least until my next analysis lmao) because of the fact that they are so in sync with each other, which goes to show that their relationship was in such a good place (mind you i am only using past tense because i am describing a past panel, not because i think they’re not in a good place right now). this was a lot of fun folks, if you actually read all of this, god bles, you’re the best. see you next time!

[thearvariblues]

The Witcher Eurovision!AU

Just an idea that got into my head while I was in the shower, since, as every European and non-European on this hellsite knows, it’s Eurovision night, baby!

So it goes like this:

Jaskier is a semi-famous (AKA Youtube-famous, probably) English singer with songs that range from “a bit weird but I love it” to “completely deranged and I LOVE IT” - a bit like The Amazzing Devil, obviously

he draws his inspiration from his life - like the time he gets inspired by a D&D campaign he plays with Geralt and writes Toss a Coin to Your Witcher (but Arvari, haven’t you already written that– Oh, shut up, brain, this is COMPLETELY different than the last time!)

he plays the song to Geralt before he records it, and Geralt, while secretly loving it and trying very hard not to blush, is like “Jesus, Jaskier, this is probably the shittiest thing you’ve ever written”

“Ex-fucking-CUSE ME, Geralt, it’s a lovely song, I could probably win the Eurovision with it!”

“Jask, if you somehow manage to be chosen for the Eurovision with this shit, I’m gonna be your background pole dancer, because that’s the only way I could make someone toss a coin to me.” (They’re both a bit drunk at this point, obviously.)

anyway, challenge fucking accepted

Jaskier knows there’s only one person who could help him to make this happen - so he tells Yen, Geralt’s ex-wife

who laughs for like ten minutes when she imagines her hunk of an ex-husband fucking pole dancing, and then immediately promises to do something about it

she pulls some strings, maybe sucks a few cocks - Jaskier is honestly too afraid to ask - but she gets him in

FUCK

so apparently, Geralt now has to learn to pole-dance

F-U-C-K

when Lambert (who, in this incarnation, is ginger and angry and Scottish, because fucking reasons that have nothing to do with a fact that I’m personally into ginger Scottish men, no ma’am) hears about it, he absolutely loses it

he demands to be allowed to go to the finale with them (and fucking hell, Geralt didn’t want anyone to know, and now everyone does, even people who don’t even know what Eurovision is, and Ciri has told all her friends and Geralt now prays that the ground would just open and swallow him whenever he has to pick her up from school and runs into one of her friends’ mothers...)

anyway, Lambert is allowed to come. So is Eskel. So is Yen and her wife Triss and of course Ciri. And Lambert’s boyfriend Aiden, because Lambert won’t take no for an answer.

Valdo Marx is sent a very special invitation which he very impolitely declines

also Lambert, who’s spent some time traveling with Aiden, bullies every non-British friend he has into voting for the stupid bard and the hot pole dancer (it doesn’t take much convincing once he shows them a video from Geralt’s rehearsal)

anyway the first time Jaskier sees Geralt actually do his pole-dancing number, he very nearly has a heart-attack

(no, he hasn’t been madly in love with Geralt ever since he met him twelve years ago, why are you asking?!)

he is pretty sure he’s not gonna survive the three minutes on stage with Geralt, but baby, what a way to go

he does survive

even though he spends the three minutes giving Geralt heart eyes that the whole of Europe can see

and call it adrenaline, but when the song comes to an end and Geralt gets down from his pole, Jaskier does the unthinkable and just... fucking kisses him

and Geralt just... kisses him back?

at this point, Lambert loses it again, and the whole audience with him

of course, they now have to wait a few hours before they can talk about it properly, but... Geralt it holding Jaskier’s hand while waiting for the results in the green room and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

if Jaskier had known, he’d have gone into the Eurovision like ten years ago

or just kissed the idiot

anyway, this is how the UK finally wins the Eurovision, thanks for coming to my TED talk

[violixs]

hello!! I recently discovered your blog and instantly fell in love with your writing. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is that draws me in? perhaps its the intimacy that comes along with your typically ‘slice of life’ setting. your ability to establish a descriptive and  intricate story without the overuse of adjectives is truly captivating.

a piece that I really wanted to highlight is stopwatch. my words can’t do it justice and its beauty overflows me (?). to be frank, at this moment in front of my screen, I’m struggling to pick out the parts I love most about stopwatch. as cliche as it may sound, every word is just so perfect??? every emotion flowing between love, desire, and the ‘what ifs’ is just so heart wrenching.

on that note, I’m curious as to how you’re able to  craft these writings. what are your inspirations? most importantly, I was wondering if you have any book recommendations similar to your writing style? if it helps, a recent favourite of mine is ‘alone with you in the ether.’ which is reminiscent to your style in the sense that the writing bounces between philosophical/deeper thoughts and a light focus in character dialogue.

anyways, it’s obvious from your writing that you spend lots if time on your works. I want you to know that your hard work is appreciated and definitely does not go unnoticed by your readers!!

:: ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ

oh my god anon i am so incredibly grateful and overwhelmed thank you so much ??? getting basivally anything other than a like on tumblr atm has been extremely rare so all of this feels like an incredible gift 😭 you are so kind !!

i quite liked stopwatch too!! unfortunately i have gotten into a habit of not writing for myself but for an audience instead (which i think can affect the quality of the writing) but that piece was one i was very keen on doing, and i was happy w the result! but it makes me even happier to know that the effort i put in was conveyed + through that i was able to create an emotional effect on the readers too ><

but to be honest with you inspiration is a weird thing for me? my writing in general is very slice of life centred theme wise, so most of the time as it doesn’t derive from personal experiences, it’s kind of things i think i would like to experience? that might sound strange and it’s a little embarrassing to admit but the idea of romance in such a casual and every day way is very very appealing to me and sometimes, if i want to write, i often just try and imagine the romance i would want and how it would play out. my writing is very much just an output of my daydreams haha.

unfortunately though i don’t think i’ve ever honestly read a book with a similar writing style to mine yet? a lot of the things i enjoy reading tend to hold similar themes (aka romance, coming of age, acceptance + character growth) however they are all executed very differently! one of the books i have perhaps enjoyed reading the most recently was eleanor and park by rainbow rowell, which again holds a different writing style, but the way the love blossoms between the two characters really was amazing to read! another book i definitely took inspo from was the sight of you by holly miller, and while it wasn’t my favourite read ever, the general ideas and events that take place in the book definitely sparked some inspiration in me too!! other than that, little poetry/classic literature extracts i read on tumblr often give me a base to work on, and can be quite fun to manipulate around my own ideas.

i will definitely keep an eye out for your rec though, it sounds like something i would enjoy and i’m quite interested in the writing style alone, so i’ll have to check it out! but seriously thank u x100 for the feedback and i hope you can continue to enjoy my writing and that we get to speak more <3

[itsthenovelteafactor]

Vanya and the Phantom

I asked and y’all answered (special thanks to @schizoidwire and @the-aro-ace-arrow-ace  and all the people who responded to my earlier post for encouraging me!), so it is time for how The Phantom of the Opera song introduction can be read as a look into Vanya’s self-narrative and also foreshadows future events in a really subtle and interesting way. 

I’m channeling my inner Elliot and going into full conspiracy mode. This is gonna be a long one, y’all. 

Part One: In Which I Expose Myself as a Former Theater Kid

So, for those who aren’t familiar with The Phantom of the Opera, it was originally a novel by French writer Gaston Leroux back in 1909. In 1986, Andrew Lloyd Webber rewrote it as a musical. For purposes of my analysis here, I am just going to be discussing the musical because 1) the score used in the opening scene is from it and 2) I’ve never read the book. (If anyone out there has read the book and wants to weigh in, please do!) 

It’s a very aesthetic show, and draws on a lot of gothic themes and imagery. The plot follows an opera house, and specifically a young chorus girl named Christine Daaé. I’m not going to explain the whole show plot in detail because wikipedia exists, but I will do a quick overview here and point out some things as they relate to things I’ll be discussing later. Also there will be a test after and it will NOT be multiple choice.

The show begins when the opera house is sold to new owners who 1) just want to make money and 2) do not respect the opera house’s resident ghost (who isn’t really a ghost, but we’ll get to that later.) When the Phantom makes his presence known, and freaks out the resident prima donna singer (who will be relevant later) Carlotta, who says she won’t sing under these conditions. It is then that Christine appears. She’s quiet and humble and has always lived in the background, but is incredibly talented. The woman who runs the chorus (also owner of the opera house’s resident braincell) suggests Christine sing the part. She does, and is amazing. Everyone is blown away, and she’s catapulted into instant fame and success. 

We later learn that Christine has been studying under the Phantom, who appears to her in mirrors. She calls him the Angel of Music, and thinks that he was sent to teach her by her recently deceased father. He isn’t. He’s actually pretty malicious, and is obsessed with Christine, wants to control her voice, and doesn’t like her dating anyone. Which is a bit awkward when her childhood friend shows up and promptly falls in love with her. 

Anyways, Carlotta is jealous of the attention Christine has been getting and threatens to leave prompting the new owners to cut Christine from the program. The Phantom doesn’t like it at all, sends a bunch of letters, things escalate, people are murdered, and the whole first act ends with the chandelier falling from the ceiling and crashing onto the stage (which is done with really cool effects, oftentimes beginning the show hanging over the audience. It’s a BIG MOMENT and one of the most iconic ones from the show. This will also be relevant later.)

Act two takes place a few months later, wherein no one has seen the Phantom. Shock of all shocks, though, he’s not dead. He’s been writing an opera and he wants Christine to star in it. More stuff happens, you learn the backstory of the Phantom (which is pretty sad, ngl, but in no way makes him less of a creep) and the story ends with the Phantom kidnapping Christine and giving her an ultimatum: stay with him forever, or he kills Raoul (aka childhood friend/romantic interest guy). She agrees to stay with him and he’s so moved by her compassion that he lets them both go and disappears forever. 

Part Two: Casting the Characters

That’s interesting, Rosie (note sarcasm) but you said this was about The Umbrella Academy? I did, in fact. So, we meet Vanya when she’s playing a medley of songs from The Phantom of the Opera. Since it’s primarily the melodies and not one of the orchestral pieces from her performance later (I don’t think), we can assume she’s just playing it for herself (which is nice! good on you, Vanya). 

Maybe she’s never seen the play and just likes the score, but for purposes here, let’s assume she’s familiar with it. 

You can tell a lot about a person by the stories they connect with (for example, I like TUA because I like fun sibling dynamics, found family, music, and being sad). And I think that it makes sense that The Phantom of the Opera would be a story that resonates with Vanya. The overlooked chorus girl finds power in music, and, after years in the background, is finally given a chance to show how special she is. 

So, yeah. I don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibility that Vanya sees herself as Christine. There are some discrepancies, sure, but this is Vanya’s self-narrative, which we learn pretty much immediately is unreliable. (Love her, but it’s true.) And if Vanya is Christine, then we can try and tap into her perspective to look at some other characters. 

Anyways remember Carlotta (the prima donna opera singer who always got the spotlight and tried to destroy everything good that happened to Christine because she felt threatened that someone might be as good/better than her whose entire personality and role in the story I just summarized, rendering my plot recap useless)? Carlotta is how Vanya views Allison. (Kind of all her siblings, but her relationship with Allison is the most important here.)

Think about the scene in the cabin? 

“You couldn’t risk me threatening your place in the house! You couldn’t handle the fact that Dad might find me special!” - Vanya, having a mental breakdown.

This always struck me as an interesting accusation to throw, since prior to this moment, I don’t think there was any indication that Allison had ever felt threatened by Vanya. She excluded her, sure, and wasn’t super friendly at times, but the idea that Allison has been pulling strings to keep Vanya out of her spotlight is new. But that is exactly the role Carlotta plays in Phantom. 

Fun fact! At one point in the musical, the Phantom enchants Carlotta so that she loses her voice right before coming on stage. 

Part Three: The Phantom of the Opera is there

So based on everything I’ve said so far, the most straightforward reading is then, that Leonard Peabody/Harold Jenkins (who for purposes here I’ll call Leonard) is the stand in for the Phantom, which works... really well. Both in helping to understand Vanya and also because it foreshadows the twist of season one in a really cool way.

So, the Phantom appears to Christine first not as an enemy, but as a friend and teacher, who encourages her to be more confident in her abilities. He trains her to develop her singing ability. While the teacher-student dynamic is actually inverted initially with Vanya and Leonard, from the get go, he is showering her with compliments, encouraging her to be confident in her abilities, and, at least on the surface, supporting her in a way she hasn’t been supported before (he’s a trash human but an expert manipulator). 

But, in the play, the Phantom is also very possessive over Christine and her power (er, I mean voice). He also is perfectly willing to kill and/or hurt people who he views as standing in the way of Christine and her success (see the aforementioned Carlotta incident). Which is exactly what Leonard does to Vanya. He kills the first chair violinist to help her get it, and orchestrates a whole master plan to get her to reveal her powers on his terms. 

Even the part where he starts “training” her to use her powers kind of resembles the second act of the play. The Phantom wrote a play for Christine and she’s going to star in it, whether she wants to or not. 

(One could even make the argument of the parallels between Christine believing the Phantom was sent by her father to teach her and Leonard showing up because of his revenge scheme against Vanya’s father, but I honestly don’t have much support for that.) 

Part Three: Two Conflicting Narratives

So, as you might’ve noticed, I sort of have two different threads of analysis going on right now. 1) The Phantom of the Opera parallel is part of Vanya’s self-narrative and in it she mischaracterizes Allison, making her more suspicious of her motivations and 2) Leonard Peabody is clearly the Phantom and doesn’t bother being subtle about it. I hope that I’ve been convincing (or at least intriguing) for you to get to this point, because here is where they come together.

Vanya has this parallel going, but she doesn’t see Leonard as the Phantom. In the beginning at least, he’s her Raoul. If I had to guess, I’d say Reginald Hargreeves is the Phantom in Vanya’s self-narrative (says he’ll train her but wants to manipulate her and keep her locked away for himself, strict teacher who doesn’t really care about her well being, wearing a mask to appear more normal/human... she wouldn’t exactly be wrong). Leonard, on the other hand, is Vanya’s supporter. He validates her, and believes in her, and taker her side when Carlotta and the opera house owners (er, the rest of the Hargreeves children) gang up on her and conspire to keep her out. 

This is all building to, of course, the final confrontation. The Phantom says Christine has to pick one or the other. When Allison comes to talk to Vanya, Vanya feels as if she’s been given an ultimatum and lashes out.

And that’s where everything (including this parallel) starts to crumble. 

(I honestly don’t know a lot about the other characters and how they fit in. I suppose we could have Five = Raoul if we ignore romance plot and focus on the childhood friend that hasn’t been seen in a while angle? And maybe also Pogo = Madame Giry. Vanya doesn’t really have any friends to be Meg.) 

Part Four: It’s All About the Moon

So that is kind of the gist of The Phantom of the Opera as a window into Vanya’s self-narrative theory, but there are a couple of other loosely related ideas I thought I might as well bring up since this thing is already ridiculously long. 

Remember how I mentioned the chandelier is like, THE scene from The Phantom of the Opera back in part one, and said it’d be relevant later? Bringing that back now, because I’m going to pull a Luther and connect everything to the moon. 

So, to get the obvious out of the way, the moon exploding and the chandelier coming crashing to the stage are similar because something falls, breaks into a bunch of pieces, destroys a bunch of stuff, and creates a powerful and memorable image to close off before an act/season break (the next installment of which begins with a time jump). 

Additionally, it’s worth mentioning that The Phantom of the Opera is told out of order. The opening scene shows a grown up Raoul at an auction for the items left behind after the opera house closes, and it switches to the past as the remains of the chandelier rise upwards to the ceiling, Phantom’s theme swelling (it’s a really cool moment, tbh). Following the prologue of The Umbrella Academy, we switch to the present with two images: Vanya alone on the stage, and then Luther alone on the moon. Which has a kind of symmetry that might mean nothing, but is still kind of cool. 

(Also the item that Raoul buys from the auction is a music box with a monkey crashing symbols on top of it. Which might mean nothing.) 

Part Five: How is she STILL talking about this? (AKA Conclusion)

To be honest, this is more a very tangled “things I noticed and thought were interesting” discussion than a formal essay with any clear thesis. While there is a chance that this was all coincidental and I’ve gone full Pepe Sylvia, the music selection in The Umbrella Academy is one of the things that they seem to be really deliberate about. 

I would love to chat with anyone about this theory, so feel free to reach out in the notes or message me! My inbox is always open. Much love, and thank you for reading, if you got this far! ❤️

[fishylife]

Street Dance of China Season 4, Episode 5

- I love practice montages! I was surprised that we got to see the process of each of the captains (of the competing teams) choosing dancers to their teams. Ibuki and Ma Xiaolong were speaking English to each other, and I don’t doubt that English was probably the main mode of communication across borders for these dancers.

- Okay Ibuki leading Huang Xiao by hand and then Huang Xiao cackling in glee and hugging Ma Xiaolong....very cute.

- So...is Huang Xiao baby?

- Huehuehue love Poppin’C’s laugh

- Ibuki said that Ma Xiaolong helped her a lot with recruitment. I think that’s for two reasons. One is that Ma Xiaolong (and Huang Xiao) are choreographers, so they have a better idea of what styles look together. The other is that Ma Xiaolong knows the Chinese dancers better than she would.

- Moony was saying how Ibuki is the captain but she is the youngest, and is definitely very cute haha.

- Yang Kai was very worried about dancing to a rap song so he recruited as many choreographers as he could. But the issue was that they all had different approaches to choreographing so they spent a lot of time discussing before choreographing and rehearsing.

- Yang Kai deadass brought his laptop to the hotpot restaurant because he was going to turn dinner into a lesson on Three Kingdoms for Boris and Kenken lol. The name of their song was Chitu, which is the horse of Lv Bu. Basically Chitu was just a great super capable horse and that’s why it was so famous lol. Yang Kai was trying to compare their battle to the Three Kingdoms lmao. Kenken was Zhuge Liang, Ibuki was Cao Cao (LMAO), and Chitu Ma was a Ferrari lol. Not gonna lie though, the stories in Three Kingdoms are pretty iconic lol.

- In terms of the performances, I liked them both! I think that Team Ibuki’s performance was very fun in the sense that it was like a story. I don’t think songs like that are popular dance songs, so I really liked seeing how they choreographed the dance and I felt that it was done in a very creative and fun way. I think where it may have fallen short was the cohesion. I like Poppin’C, but I wonder if it was difficult to fit him in because his skill set was so specific. As well, because all of the dancers were wearing different clothes, it was a bit difficult to see their synchronization during the group dance parts. For Team Yang Kai’s performance, it definitely was extremely hype. Whereas Team Ibuki wore different clothes, Team Yang Kai had a dress code so the cohesion was easy to see. But I feel like Team Yang Kai’s performance was being propped up by the fact that it had a very hype song, one that easy to dance to.

- Rochka continues to be the biggest fanboy of every single person on this show. I love him!!!

- Y’all have no idea how much I love hearing Boris speak Chinese. Yes, he has an accent, but he is also very easy to understand. You have no idea how difficult it is to find non-ethnic Chinese people who speak Chinese this fluently. Iunno, he just makes Mandarin seem so much more approachable. Boris said that he’d been in China for 7 years so it makes sense that he feels so confident speaking. A lot of people who are learning languages have to get over that hump where they stop feeling embarrassed about their accent because they have to go out and live their life and buy groceries and go to the doctor and stuff and it’s really interesting to hear Boris expressing himself.

- Henry feeling so pressured when he had to choose which team to pick lmao.

- Yixing went “We’re looking at you because you’re cute!” So bold, Yixing XD

- And Henry went “I feel pressured because you guys are handsome.” XD Two can play at that.

- Then Han Geng went “Henry’s Chinese is so good now!” XD My mom says that to me when I make a good joke in Chinese.

- Yixing has to talk behind his clipboard because he’s so nervous lmfao.

- So the rule is that one judge gets two votes for each matchup. In addition to that, that judge has to cut three members, two to enter a battle and one to be eliminated immediately, not including the captain.

- Ibuki was so upset when she returned to her seat :(

- Ye Yin had his team draw out their feelings as they listened to their assigned song. I thought it was a bit gimmicky, but this visual is cute.

- I thought Team Ye Yin’s performance was cool considering this was a song that would be difficult to choreograph for. I was surprised with how the incorporated breaking and locking elements, as there are breaking and locking experts on their team. But overall I thought the choreography was so nice. It told a story, and it suited the vibe of the song. Props to Bunta for the awesome choreography.

- Han Geng said that their performance reminded him of his youth, and then Henry said that he felt the same, that the performance reminded him of Geng-ge. He was like “ge, do you remember?“ and Geng-ge was like of course! Han Geng said he remembered their romantic days X’D So unnecessary. At one point the director was like did Han Geng and Henry used to have their arms around each other’s shoulders? And both of them were like uhh yeah all the time dude.

- George was asked about his rivalry with C-Lil because they keep getting stuck together lol. Apparently C-Lil became a tea enthusiast which was cute.

- Yuwan clapping his hands while his arms around C-Lil :3

- Team Liangliang’s performance was cut because apparently it was not very good, and the editors cut it out to prevent them from getting haters. I think Liangliang’s Sun Wukong headgear had obstructed his vision, and Yixing said that the performance wasn’t very in sync. A pity :(

- Gogo Brothers’ team is stack af.

- Gogo Brothers + Hilty & Bosch hotel room conference lol.

- AC went for a waacking + krump combo which is cool! Their performance was extremely aesthetically pleasing. Even though the fire power is perhaps less explosive, they worked together as a team very well. I definitely thought the waacking and the krump complemented each other very well.

- AC bought snail noodles for his team members, and apparently it’s one of those very polarizing foods, but Chika really liked it haha.

- Ohh, you know this is gonna be good.

- Team Gogo Brothers’ performance was good, but at the same time...there wasn’t anything new about it? Since there were five lockers on the, most of the performance was going to be high quality locking, but at the same time, the locking kind of overshadowed any attempt to try anything new. It was still good though, I just felt that it had limitations compared to AC’s performance that did something new with combining styles, both in terms of dance and aesthetics (costumes).

- Love to see the baby smile v.v

- Lmao Xiao Jie said that Xiaohai was the good luck charm of their team XD His good luck charm name is Jr. Baby, aka Haibaobao lol

- Yibo and Yixing voted for Gogo Brothers, and Han Geng voted for AC, so Henry, who had two votes, had the final say in who would win this battle. Then we got the theatrics where Han Geng, Yibo, and Yixing went into the audience because their job was done lol.

- Then Henry was like “ge~~~~ didn’t you say you would take care of me?” And Han Geng’s like, I’m letting you have the SDOC experience bro.

- Even though we all know it’s a joke, Han Geng is still so caring and affectionate lol.

- Anyway, after all that shenaniganery, what Henry said was right. It feels so tough eliminating any single member of the team, because it was all of them who helped deliver such a beautiful performance. I know AC had a tough time going up against Gogo brothers but dammit I actually super loved their performance. So cruel!!!!!

- Han Geng felt bad because Auju had said he wanted to be in a solo battle in the 3 vs 3 challenge, but he was put in the 5 vs. 5 battle and then this group performance, so Han Geng wanted to let him have the stage to perform his best. I thought it was a nice gesture, to let him have the stage to show off in the way he was most confident with, to let himself show himself at his best.

- Then Henry was like “what if we had Auju AND Yixing????”

- And then Boi Marble joined!!! Krumptastic

- Yixing said that even though krumpers look really fierce, that aside from the krump, all of them are lil cuties uwu.

- Team Nelson having fun with Hanfu was so cute! :D Sometimes with the non-Chinese contestants, I worry that they find the Chinese culture stuff tedious, because SDOC does try to fit as much culture in. So I’m glad to see that they’re at least finding a way to have fun. I wish I had such pretty hanfu to dress up in v.v

- I’ll be honest though, I don’t think Nelson’s team was very synchronized. He had a lot of very good individual dancers (Bouboo, Zyko, Lil Kev, that firepower is undeniable), but there were parts when I felt like all of the dancers were doing their own thing. Maybe the choreography was too subtle, or maybe the dancers themselves had slightly different rhythms.

- Acky-san giving red pockets to his team, but instead of money, he wrote them letters in different languages T_T

- A full popping team is risky move, but it paid off. Everybody was popping so everybody was dancing to their strength. Compare that to some of the other teams, where there were some dancers who clearly were lagging because they were dancing to a style they were very comfortable with. In addition, the visual style of the performance was fresh and fun. Their costumes were very wacky and fun to look at, and their performance exuded the kind of fun vibes where you felt like you wanted to join them.

- Out of the captains who’d lost their challenges, they would have to battle each other in a round robin style tournament. First place would get to keep two of their "pending” members, and second place would get to keep one.

- Yixing got up SO FAST when Tell Me started playing. I didn’t know this song before so I looked it up and it is a bop haha.

- Yixing dancing along uwu I don’t know the name of this song but it was the second song in the Ibuki vs. Liangliang battle.

- AC vs. Ibuki dancing to It’s Raining Men was A LOT of fun, particularly because everybody including the spectators knew the song haha.

- The first place winner was Nelson who was able to save Tengzai and Lil Kev and the second place winner was AC who could only choose one person to save, and AC chose Fanfan.

- Ma Xiaolong and Huang Xiao comforting Ibuki because she couldn’t save her team members :(

- Ahh I’m going to miss Yuri because she was so cute and fun. AC apologized for not being able to save her :( Gonna miss u bb ;(

- I liked Latrice too T_T Hated to see her go :(

- Brats playing with the microphones. They basically disassembled their standing microphones and waved the part around even after Han Geng already told Yibo not to lmao.

- So this section was supposed to be the captains’ opportunity to tell the dancers what kind of team they were looking to put together. Yixing was so surprised because Han Geng and Yibo had very simple and short statements (though it took a while for Han Geng to get to his point), because the boy deadass prepared a speech. Of course he did.

- Yang Kai said that his speech sounded like a motivational speech from a boss at work. That’s exactly what it is.

- Apparently Henry also prepared a speech XD

- So from what I understand, the captains will recruit a team that they think represents their style. Afterwards, the dancers who have not been chosen will get to choose their team based on which captain’s style they like. I think that’s how it works, we’ll see if I’m right lol.

- Henry trying to gleam information X3 Yibo just deals with the pressure by smiling and shaking his head. Dare I say this is the first time I’ve seen Yibo look shy??????? It’s cuuuute.

- Since the cubicles don’t have ceilings, Henry was like someone could be watching me!

- Nosy housecat in training

- Yibo and Henry and Han Geng were playing mind games being like “oh, you picked Poppin’C? And Yixing fell for the trick ^^;; Luckily he was not allowed to change his answer so at least he’s not going to make a change he regrets lol.

- All of the dancers Yixing picked were not picked by anyone else so he was quite lucky.

- Han Geng had three of his choices matching with Henry or Yibo.

- Henry has no idea how to recruit dancers so he just ends up singing love songs. Of course.

- Zyko’s loyal dude XD I can see why Han Geng is a safe choice though. Han Geng is low on the theatrics, so if I was a low key guy like Zyko, I’d probably feel less pressure being on his team. I could just focus on dance and not on entertaining the cameras.

- I can see why Nelson would go with Yibo. Yibo is quiet but he’s serious and focused and more importantly they both confirmed that they are competitors.

- Henry and Han Geng both chose Ibuki. Here Han Geng is patiently waiting/spying while Ibuki and Henry have their interview.

- Then he was offered a ladder and Geng-ge became the biggest gremlin lmao.

- Yixing the good little helper.

- C U T I E

- When Han Geng was having his interview with Ibuki, he locked the ladder in his own room and kept the key. Then he stole the keys from all the other rooms and gave them to Henry XD Actual troll-ge.

- Ibuki chose Han Geng in the end.

- So all of the people Henry chose picked other captains. This frame lmfao.

- I think last season Yixing had tons of trouble recruiting dancers to his team. In the hotpot preview he said he was super lax about this year and it worked in his favour.

[vroenis]

Part 2

This is part 1.

Can you tell how tired I was getting by the end? This is life under meds, but given the other benefits (I think?), I’ll take it for now.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a whole lot I was thinking about and it’s stuff I want to say given I said a lot, but didn’t cover this stuff. I’m still happy with part 1, I think that’s just how I write, moving from subject to subject more or less organically and it does show me to more unstructured even if there is a vague plan for how I want the piece to go.

Anyway let’s get going.

As always, mild spoilers for well, everything. If you haven’t seen this stuff and are mildly interested in watching them then ah, you may have a lot of catching up to do. I don’t think I’ll drop any real hard spoilers for anything but you never know.

Ghost In The Shell is an Outsider story

There are whole stacks of lore you could dive into with Stand Alone Complex in particular, with Motoko having been in an aircraft accident and getting her first shell (cyber-body) at a very early age, what that means, the thing with Kuze (avoiding spoilers here), and the extended cast - not that Paz, Boma and even Ishikawa get a whole lot of time anyway - but it’s not really that important.

Looking at just Mamoru Oshii’s 1995 film, and even more-so his 2004 film Innocence (not really a sequel but usually regarded as such), the narratives cast the characters very much as Outsiders. In the first film, Section 9 is already at odds with the government in general and while it’s subtle, Aramaki as a department head is certainly different from his contemporaries, even if we don’t see much of it - again, so much more of this in Stand Alone Complex. Motoko’s early conversation with Togusa in the first film is probably the most telling as far as playing it loud. She speaks in pragmatic terms to why he’s there, but this is a precursor to what will ultimately transpire for herself at the conclusion of the film, something very intentionally written into the film. Batou is also an Outsider in more ways than one, not only in the role he plays in the department but in the very clear personal boundary between him and Motoko. There are boundaries between Batou and everyone and they become more apparent in the second film. Togusa is easy pickings so I’ll leave him alone, suffice to say if the film needs one, he’s the audience’s window of ignorance which is why he’s discarded so willingly half way in. He gets his time in the spotlight in Stand Alone Complex and it’s pretty amazing.

As for Motoko... I admit it is difficult separating my understanding of her character from Stand Alone Complex and attempting to just isolate what’s shown of her in the first film but I’ll try.

I mentioned the film’s centrepiece montage in my previous journal, in which we might say Motoko is the centrepiece but if so, she probably shares it with the city itself, and I feel much more is being said about the two together rather than separated simultaneously. This would be one of the first indications of Motoko’s sense of identity, of otherness, isolation, questioning. Again the scene that plays it most loud would be diving on the boat and her speech to Batou. There are other moments tho; single frames of her face, looks, movements that are lingered on, I feel like Oshii is constantly telling us about her and what she’s going to do, but more important than that, why she’s going to do it and how she feels.

Ghost in the Shell is a film about great emotion, and not like I’d know because it’s been a long time since I’ve looked into the discourse around it, but I suspect no-one really talks about it as a film about feelings.

I realise these days I talk more and more about moods and art being mood pieces. I labelled my Instagram account as being “A catalogue of moods” and I’m very fond of the use of the word in vernacular. It might seem flippant but it’s immensely empowered, especially for me as an individual when I understand my moods and can translate them into, via and thru art. I do appreciate many struggle with Oshii’s cinematic language as it can appear cold and detached and that’s fine, but it’s anything but for me - it’s immensely emotionally charged, it just appears differently to what audiences are perhaps accustomed to seeing. It’s a different language that perhaps takes time to learn, but it’s all there.

This couldn’t become more evident than in Innocence (the Ghost in the Shell 2 moniker I think was a western addendum). Batou takes centre stage and is  immediately presented as bluntly as possible as an Outsider, reaffirmed later by Aramaki who also cements Togusa’s position in limbo.

I should pause and say that within the GitS canon, I feel Togusa is definitely embraced by Section 9, so he’s not wholly an Outsider to the department, but for obvious reasons, he doesn’t fully share all of their daily or philosophical concerns - hence not wholly. He would also definitely be an Outsider to most other members of the force after joining Section 9, but unfortunately I’m not here to love Togusa, poor guy - I feel like he’s always a bit unloved. Someone write a giant essay in service to his greatness. He actually is great.

But I adore Batou in Innocence. I love his story, his struggle, his emotion. I love how present Motoko is without ever appearing on screen and then when she does, the impact she has on everything, especially with the lines she delivers, one of which I quoted to open the last journal. Batou is in many ways a shadow of what Motoko was and is/has become, just in physical form, mirroring her in a real world manifestation with the natural physical limitations that comes with.

For some reason I feel like I need to inject a comment about Batou putting the jacket/vest on Motoko’s body. I don’t know if people perceive this as an act of masculine modesty but it’s not how I read it. I did stumble on this action for years but as I began to interpret the films as Outsider stories, I realised that he does this as an act of inclusion, and that Motoko consents, permits him to and doesn’t immediately react with violence or technological recourse we know she is well capable of, indicates it’s mutual. Their inclusion isn’t just about the boundaries of the Section 9 department but extends beyond that, an inner circle that may only contain the two of them - inside which there are still boundaries between them Batou can never cross. Those boundaries become infinitely more apparent after the final events of the first film, and the second film effectively is all about how he feels about them. He is an ultimate Outsider, but so is Motoko in the state she now is in.

Section 9 is a department of stray dogs. Individuals who haven’t quite fit in where they belong, and found belonging with one another. Then, after a time, one of them moves on - at the conclusion of the first film, and then another feels an almost permanent and ultimate sense of separation - more or less the duration of the second film.

Ghost in the Shell isn’t about technology and sentience and hacking and corporations at all. It’s about loneliness and belonging and acceptance and affection. It’s about how that feels.

I’m Not Sure Why People Struggle With David Lynch Films

I need to stop talking about anime. Honestly I looked at the list at the start of the last journal and thought hell yea Sky Crawlers, Jin-Roh, Haibane Renmei and Lain let’s unpack some shit! but honestly I’ll run out of time and I should really draw from a variety of mediums and sources.

OK I’m not being facetious when I say Lynch’s films are fairly straight-forward narrative-wise. Again, it’s hard for me to position myself in a place where I’m not into the stuff I’m into and maybe that’s what gives me the cinematic language familiarity to parse them but that just sounds like wanker bullshit to me. I don’t mind if folks don’t like Lynch films, that’s fine. But they aren’t difficult.

So in the context of everything else, even on that short list on the last journal, plus how I keep trying to shift the discussion of works from the pragmatic reading of them to an emotional reading of them from a mood perspective, I feel as tho the same process can be applied to Lynch. So much about his films are about how they make you feel, or I’ll say - how they make *me* feel. It might be grandiose to assume I’m feeling the correct emotion, that these are the moods that David Lynch himself is attempting to create and evoke and thus, I am interpreting them correctly but hey - I enjoy the hell out of the films, feel I understand them and watch them over and over again so that’s all I’m basing it on.

That’s not to say there are things I dismiss as meaningless or that I don’t understand in his films, it’s just that I don’t have to parse them immediately at first watch and perhaps that’s the audience’s problem. I don’t know if reverse-diagnosis is appropriate but looking at how much hand-holding there is in other directors’ films might be just as telling. I mean I saw Nolan’s Tenet and was about the least confusing thing I’d ever seen in my life but apparently *that* confused people, and you know hey that’s fair I guess, but I mean Nolan did a whooooole lot of audience hand-holding in that film, I mean, the dialogue was terrible. There was so much unnecessary exposition, which I generally find in all of his films, so if an audience can’t follow that then OK sure, Lynch is going to be a problem.

The thing is popcorn cinema is totally OK. I watch it. I really love it, I’ve written about it before, it’s good Industry. There’s a lot of great creativity in popular cinema, I don’t at all think poorly of it and I love seeing a really well produced, Hollywood picture... but I guess if that’s all you consume, and I guess if folks’ short-format episodic media (aka series - think Netflix, HVO etc.) is more or less to the same standard, then it begins to make sense that anything outside of that isn’t going to make sense.

Long story short - Lynch films tell simple stories where the feeling of the film is as important as the narrative of the film. To understand the story, you have to understand the feeling, and vice-versa.

Surprise surprise, it turns out independent and deemed “fringe” film-makers... aka Outsiders... make films about Outsiders.

Now I wouldn’t know if any of the Marvel films thematically are about Outsiders or Outsider culture, they probably are and very loudly at that, but the reason I’ve never included one in my catalogue of moods is they all read the same way. Not only are Marvel films mostly indistinct from one other to me, they’re also mostly indistinct from much of popular culture in general. That doesn’t make them bad, some of them still have some pretty awesome stunts, visfx, even parts of the narratives, funny jokes etc. in them, but on the whole they’re not useful to me as things I deem truly valuable in the long-term.

It’s OK, I’m not at all going to lament the proliferation of Marvel films, a lot of them have been pretty cool and they keep people in work. Meow meow meow “the death of cinema” mate, sure - I find it more difficult to find the sorts of films I like but that’s always been the case. Humans will do what they do, it’s not a read on cinema, it’s about being an Outsider and what that’s all about. True, maybe weird shit like Lynch and Noe might be more difficult to make, but the weird-indie corner was also dominated by white men and that needs to change, so who knows what the future holds.

Can you detect the point at which I took my meds and started getting tired?

Ghost in the Shell // Innocence // What We Want // What We’re Left With

Growing up as an Outsider, I feel as tho the first Ghost in the Shell film carries the weight of isolation, questions of identity and belonging, ultimately of acceptance, empowerment and liberation. Then Innocence brings to bear very similar moods but states that things may not necessarily change for the better, they simply change state. I love that in both narratives, the main texts of hacking or corrupt corporations, crime etc. are the least common denominators and barely relevant to heart of the films. I think about the theme of icons in Innocence, icons operatively being the dolls throughout the film, and the final image of Togusa’s daughter’s gift. As humans we assume we’re to take the position of biological humanity as representative of sentience, taking moral priority over all other beings. Earlier in the film we think Togusa is in limbo, but  at the conclusion Motoko asks the question, or perhaps states that perhaps we’re all in limbo together.

I think that’s a significant part of what growing up as and being an Outsider is like, what it feels like. Christians have this saying about “living in the world but not of the world” (derived from a bible verse) and honestly I don’t think they know what it means because they just operate like a cult, but I think queers and folks with long term mental health conditions have a better idea. We are pushed out to the fringes of our social groups from an early age, long before we know or understand what’s different about us. Our peers and the adults around us do this to us because their social behaviours are so well hard-coded, even they may not even know precisely what’s different about us, they just do - and they’re right. We are different. And they don’t accept us.

Maybe I am starting to get a little more upset that weird/different art is becoming more difficult to fund and make, because it’s for us, for me. It speaks to me. You already have so much, and representation and inclusion is so important. I don’t just need queer cinema, I need weird cinema, I need moods. I need quiet, introspective, pensive, reflective, Outsider moods.

I still feel like an Outsider. I have a few people who understand more about me, but I don’t think I have a place, not in a real sense. I have never felt that. Art is one of the few places I feel any connection with anything, and connecting with people is a very odd thing to consider - honestly, I actually would really like to connect with people but the unique combination of being queer *and* autistic comorbid with bipolar makes it really tough, more difficult the older I get. And now all you want to do is fund Marvel movies. I can’t feed off of that.

I’m getting tired, I’m not making any sense. It’s time for bed.

[deitiesofduat]

BASTET: “As it turns out, the project has been due for this type of update for some time -- which the artist @tenicola​ (aka @teninini, colacanvas, and "Teni") finally got around to, after having enough headspace to approach it. 

“And just to avoid worrying anyone seeing this -- nope, Teni is not dropping DEITIES project anytime soon. She's not going anywhere, and neither am I! Or the rest of my pantheon! 

“But Teni mentioned she was worried about projecting that outcome, due to how inactive she's been online, and how quiet she's been about progress. She's hoping this update can add some clarity on what's actually going on, and what to expect going forward.”

“The rest of this update is below the cut, as text mixed with panels. It's on the long-ish side, and while it's best to skim through everything for context, you can also skip to the section "SHIFT IN [PUBLIC] SCOPE" if you just want to get to the point.

“Without further ago, let's start with some history that Teni wanted to share for full context -- again, under the cut!”

--------------------------------------------------

[ HISTORY OF DEITIES PROJECT ]

BASTET: “DEITIES Project -- and the main story for said project (Deities of Duat: The Chaos Seal), which is intended as a long form webcomic -- has been in development, privately and offline, since late 2014. Teni meant to keep it private for as long as possible, until she felt “ready” to share it.

“However, she was motivated to take the plunge and reveal the project's existence with these color tests and with this comic, as part of her coursework for her visual storytelling class. You know the one…”

“The surge of encouragement from both her classmates and her followers motivated Teni to create this blog -- the one you're visiting right now! It was Teni's full intention to use this blog to share progress on the main story, as a full-length webcomic, while building and engaging her audience.”

“However, along the way were a few... unforeseen obstacles that reared their head. Some obstacles were mitigated by making steady updates to the story and blog, but some were much more challenging, and she thinks it only fair to disclose some of them for context...”

--------------------------------------------------

[ OBSTACLES OF LIFE ]

BASTET: “The first obstacle was the sudden onset of chronic lower back pain -- just before the launch of the DEITIES blog in 2016. She still has it to this day, and says this ache makes it unbearable to sit or stand in the same position for too long. Among several inconveniences this causes, it also means she can only draw in short bursts before her stamina taps out, or before needing pain relief -- like heat, ice, and pressure.”

“As you might imagine, it's not the most fun condition to have when you enjoy drawing! And it's taken a while for Teni to cope with this daily frustration. She's still planning to find answers and a treatment to help reduce it, but has also accepted that she's been dealt this hand -- not unlike other creatives that deal with some form of chronic pain.”

“The back pain was one obstacle, but having to deal with different interpersonal struggles and friction was another. Some spiked her usual feelings of anxiety, and in one relationship's case, made her question whether or not the project was worth continuing. (On that note -- Teni does not want to call out anyone or guilt them, she just wanted to bring it up as a factor for the larger point she's making — just bear with us!)

“The third big obstacle a few years back, was having a day job that had an... ‘unfriendly’ work environment, and was paying a lot less income than she fairly deserved. And near the beginning of 2018, she was laid off from said job, putting a halt to any income she was earning only a week after signing the lease to her first apartment!”

“Teni didn't go into detail about those months of job hunting and taking tech classes, though she explains bits of it in previous updates. But the lack of financial stability at the time hung over her head constantly. The way she put it was: ‘It was hard to motivate myself to indulge in something I loved, but that didn't provide income, while I was in the middle of an extended job hunt.’"

“She didn't expect all these obstacles in succession when she launched the project. And she admits that she felt a combination of frustration, impatience, and disappointment for not updating the project at the same pace she started.”

“This was not because of any pressure from followers -- she told me you all have been incredibly understanding and patient! It was because of the fact that the project had been publicly promoted for so long, and she set her own expectations and goals so high -- without factoring the likelihood of life getting in the way. There was also the lingering fear of disappointing a lot of people, if one day she had no choice but to stop the project for her own livelihood and health.”

“Ah, why am I adding to this creative angst -- Teni didn't want this to be a sob story! I'll move on haha.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ IN A BETTER PLACE ]

BASTET: “Thankfully, in spite of all those obstacles, things are turning around for Teni in this new decade. A year ago she found a job with a feasible income to support herself, and an overall healthy work environment within her team. She's also fostered healthier relationships with her family and friends, and even made closer connections with the best friends she's had for ages!”

“And while her back pain is… still there, it's a manageable part of life that she's still determined to find answers for and improve.

“Not to mention that in the past year, she's been able to work on other projects, more quietly, and indulge in drawing other characters and fanart for fun. She's consumed more of her favorite media in the interim as well to support others, and to sate her own curiosity and interests.”

“Moving on to how this relates to this update, now that we have some backdrop for what's been happening...”

--------------------------------------------------

[ AREAS OF INTEREST ]

BASTET: “Again, Teni is not dropping DEITIES Project -- she admits the fear of having to make that call had crossed her mind, but it's not something she thinks she'll need to reconsider right now. Her bigger concern has been how to approach this project publicly, moving forward. And after giving it some thought, she's made some observations that may shed light on this answer.

“Teni wanted me to emphasize the idea of her doing a ‘reset’ for the public presentation and development of DEITIES Project -- not to change or hide the development thus far, but to reframe the project's scope -- what it's focus and goals are, more or less.

“...Oh-- looks like she made some visuals to help with this -- you two mind lending me a hand?”

“You all might have figured it out by now, but Teni absolutely loves drawing character art and designs. She also likes panel-style comics, as well as the dialogue, expressions, and SFX that comes with it. She can work on them offline without prompting, but she also loves sharing what she comes up with!

“What she's less fond of sharing is some of the other... *ahem* unmentionables and time-consuming work that comes with traditional comics. Things that take hours to set up and hours to practice, let alone execute for the final product -- an unfortunate hurdle when you're a one-person production team, and you can only draw in small bursts at a time.”

“She initially tried to put off the more indulgent art that she liked, in order to focus the less-favored obligations... but she realized that this just made her feel demotivated to work on anything, and less got completed as a result.”

“Overall, Teni's coming to terms with both her own limitations and her personal drive, and wants to shift her priorities accordingly for the project -- even if it goes against the grain of what's considered ‘good’  or well-meaning advice for a personal project.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ SHIFT IN [PUBLIC] SCOPE ]

BASTET: “Instead of treating the DEITIES main story/comic as the ‘end game’ goal of this project -- and pouring all her available energy in preparing for it and hyping it up -- Teni wants to shift the main story as a future, and more private ambition, until she's in a better place to execute it and share it publicly.

“No, she does not have any estimate or TBD date for when this will be, or when she'll make public updates on it’s progress or launch. It may even remain private indefinitely. And for now, she's okay with this.

“Because (1) The main story "The Chaos Seal" is not the only story that's worth telling from this project. Smaller side- and backstories, and even small character interactions, have their merit as well -- something Teni learned from drawing askbox responses, completing memes with the cast, and character exploration with friends. And with the main story not sucking up all the oxygen, she thinks it'll leave room to tackle the others more easily -- whether they're planned ahead of time or are spur-of-the-moment, and as comics or different formats.

“(2) Removing the DEITIES main story from its public pedestal will also allow her to work on other non-DEITIES things as they crop up -- and with less irrational guilt to indulge in things that aren't ‘priority’ for completing the comic. Meaning more art of her original characters, fanart, giftart, collabs, memes and bandwagons, and other smaller projects. Heck, she might even give herself permission to relax.

“And (3), perhaps most importantly -- Teni realized that DEITIES Project shouldn’t have to start and end with the so-called main story, and placing the story aside wouldn’t mean the project suddenly becomes a waste of time -- as she originally worried about projecting when her life took a twist.

“DEITIES Project just… is. It already exists, and the characters and world already exist -- with or without a completed webcomic to validate that existence.”

“But anyway, I side-tracked. The point is, Teni's planning to shift DEITIES project to just that -- a project, with room to continually grow, explore, and experiment with, and to engage with others as she feels comfortable, without the pressure of having a giant epic to tell.

“So while the main story and comic is going to shift to something more gradual and private -- the way it was originally meant to be -- this shift in scope will help adjust the project’s longevity, and also set the stage for some changes to be made around the blog, and for the public presentation for DEITIES.” 

“However, that content will be less scheduled and remain sporadic -- things will ‘happen when they happen,’ but what Teni has in mind will hopefully be enjoyable for those following the project.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ WHAT'S NEXT-- ]

BASTET: “Here’s the thing: we actually had more to share, but Teni made the call to save it all for another day -- to avoid making this update longer than needed, and to also avoid announcing any plans prematurely. No need to risk building pressure all over again or burning out, right?

“She asks for everyone’s patience and to give her another few weeks to re-calibrate things, address pressing questions, and work on some overdue housekeeping on the blog -- and to just draw whatever pops to her mind, cuz hey, why not? After that, she'll wait until any project items are already in the works and on the road to completion, before she announces that they're coming -- an ‘under-promise but over-deliver’ approach.

“But one thing you can look forward to are more featured deities from the main cast and the supporting cast -- including those colors tests she's been working on since last year, and then some! There's no shortage of inspiration or fodder, so to speak.”

--------------------------------------------------

[ IN CONCLUSION ]

BASTET: “So to recap! DEITIES Project will be shifting its scope and priorities, so that the main story and comic is developed more privately, and more characters and lore will be explored online at a more manageable pace. On the surface, that may not look like much is changing, but hopefully this update can make expectations more clear.

“Teni knows that there may be some in the audience who may feel down about this decision, or who were looking forward to the webcomic to be completed above all else. She says that's totally fair, and encourages anyone looking for stories to check out her recommendations. But she also hopes you'll understand, and be willing to stick around for other content in the meantime.”

"That brings Teni -- and me -- to one final point. Which is to sincerely thank you for all of your support, encouragement, and patience these past few years. In addition to things that are still in the works, there's a lot of content on this blog that had been inspired by everyone's engagement, which we can't thank you enough for!

“Teni and I, and everyone else from the pantheon, are excited about what’s next for Deities of Duat and DEITIES Project. And we’re looking forward to sharing more content, more freely, in the upcoming year for you all to enjoy.”

[hel7l7]

This may come across as a odd and out of nowhere question, but its something that ive been thinking about for a long time now and haven't really the chance to ask anyone of what I call on the same artistic vibe, but where did you get the courage/inspiration to post your art? Ive always wanted to post my own but ive always feared of my art getting rejected or worse stolen, its the main thing holding me back, and just wanted to know what your experience was like? Sry if this is too personal ily🥰

U can ask me anything and tbh I don’t think this is an odd question at all! So lemme type. 

Before I had this tumblr I had this vent tumblr on where I posted just random shit about everything that happened in my life. It was a very unhealthy and negative space for me. And when certain people violated my privacy I deleted the blog.  At that time, I think the blog had like 10 art pieces of mine on there. Maybe it’s still findable on tumblr - idek tbh. And those got quite a few notes already. While the blog had like... 400 followers or something.  So I think that made me gain some confidence. I liked the idea of posting my art online because.. I don’t know. It felt like some shout into the void. It wasn’t really something I decided to do. It just felt right and I did it.  Even if it was just for myself and no one would like it. With the collages I also feel less pressure compared to my “regular” art. I do this because if I don’t make collages -I feel like I go insane. I draw and paint (aka “regular art”  because I want to make something pretty. And that’s a difference. With this I care much less about what other people think about it. Because it’s what I felt and made when I needed it.  What also helped me A LOT. Is the anonymity. At this point I’ve let quite a few facts about myself slip and with that it’s less mysterious than it used to be. But when I first started I just didn’t answer any question that would be a little bit personal. I show my feelings and deep laying fears and thoughts. But everything about me as a person aside from that I try to keep from here. And that’s fine. I’m here to share my art - not my personality or my selfies.  That made it easier to do it. I did it for myself and not because what other people thought of it.  About your art being rejected. It’s going to happen. Not everyone is going to like it. People have different tastes and styles, and we can’t all love the same things.  But that’s okay. If you stand for the things you made, and you like it, then that should be the most important! (When I started this blog I never meant for it to become so big, I didn’t care what people thought, I didn’t care if people liked it.) Don’t make the audience the goal, do it for yourself! The rest will follow. You can’t chase the audience. It’s simply impossible. If the audience likes X and you want to move on to Y then you should be able to do that, because it’s what you want.  Art being stolen or used without permission. This too is going to happen. And it sucks. It sucks balls.  I wasn’t very aware of how and when this would happen. But after a while I got a few messages, people asking for prints, or commissions. I’ve made things for people without getting a payment or adres to send it to. I have my own prints on my walls because someone asked for them and then never replied. I have gotten messages from friends who saw my art on others people pages. I’ve googled my blog and found my art on places I didn’t put it. And this too happens...  Like I said.. when I started I never even thought about people liking my art. So I never thought about this either. But if you want to or can, maybe think of a watermark or anything alike. (I want to do it but I find it so much work and I honestly haven’t found the time yet. But I might make some.) Anyway, you can think about that.   The last thing I wanted to mention is that I must say that my mindset in art changed through this blog. And not always in a positive way.  With all things mentioned above, the good always outweighed the bad. I have gotten so many messages from people who I have inspired, or helped, or made feel less alone in their struggle, that I didn’t care about the negative. The stolen art, the criticism, the time it takes to keep up with this blog and the pressure I feel sometimes.  But on some days I find myself getting too obsessed with the numbers. The notes/followers. And that makes that sometimes I lose the fun in it. I notice it now though, when I lose myself in it. But I wish it didn’t matter to me like it did in the beginning. But that too is a process I will grow in. So.. I’m sure I’ll find my way in it.  okay - i s t g - this was the longest answer to an ask ever. and also the most chaotic one I think. 

I hope I answered your question - and if not message me again ;) because this was a bit of a ramble. 

Love

- B. 

p.s. Go for it, share your art with the world! 

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

You think Shiedheda will go after Raven to hurt Murphy in the near future?

Hi! Happy prequel day! I know not everybody is excited about this ep but mannnn I cannot resist the LORE behind this show! So I am looking forward to tonight! I hope you are too!

Been trying to think about this situation a little more, but ultimately - YES.

Last week, right after the ep, I posted some immediate thoughts that you can read here if you missed it. In it, I said that the chess game between Sheidheda and Murphy seemed to really be foreshadowing what could happen. Murphy plays very early with a move called the Queen’s Gambit (same as the ep title), and it’s a risky choice, putting his queen in danger - which we know was literally happening in the ep as well, because Em0ri was in danger because Murphy made the choice to play chess to begin with instead of going to her party. Of course, he didn’t KNOW this was Sheidheda’s goal and he was absolutely manipulated right into doing exactly what Sheidheda wanted.

During the game, we don’t know it at the time and neither does Murphy, but Sheidheda is deliberately drawing the game out. There is a move Sheidheda makes that isn’t especially aggressive and Murphy says “You could have taken my castle.” Sheidheda then replies “Oh, I’ll get it soon enough.” and I don’t know, maybe some of you heard me scream at that line! LOL!

Because “castle” is an older chess name for the ROOK piece. And rooks are also a name for ravens/crows. Castles=rooks=ravens=Raven. There’s already been a lot of chess speculation in fandom that Raven as a character may represent the rook piece anyway, but now IMHO, it’s pretty much a given for me based on these few lines.

In addition, there is a helluva lot of subtext happening during this game. Kudos to JR & Richard for this scene, seriously. Sheidheda TELLS Murphy something bad is about to happen from his (Murphy’s) perspective, and insinuates that Sanctum’s queen (clearly Em0ri) is enjoying the role of being on a pedestal - enjoying being WORSHIPPED. We’ve already seen hints of this in both this ep and previous eps and Sheidheda’s comment tells the audience that he is not only aware of what Em0ri has been doing/saying, but he knows it’s a comment that will get to Murphy. And it does, because Murphy then tries to put the focus on Sheidheda instead.

Listen - y’all know I’m not interested in Memoraven. I’m just NOT. There’s been no evidence whatsoever in any season that Raven & Em0ri are attracted to each other or want anything beyond friendship, and anyway, I think Raven deserves to be picked first and I don’t like the idea of her coming into something that’s been established for years. I will never think that’s fair to her. However - I can absolutely see how Memoraven fans could take this conversation from Sheidheda as foreshadowing too - like... uhhhhh, wow, dilf demon (stole this term off a lovely twitter and now it’s how I think of Russheda in my head oops) really did tell Murphy that he knows it must be hard to settle for one woman when he could really have as many as he wanted as a god. And note that Murphy does NOT say he’s not interested in that - he says “you don’t know Em0ri” like the only reason he doesn’t have more than one partner (girl OR guy, IMHO) is because that’s her choice, not his. The insinuation here, good lordt.

Sheidheda wants Murphy’s queen and his castle aka he’s going after Em0ri and Raven - this is ESTABLISHED in the chess game as far as I’m concerned. Sheidheda takes Murphy’s queen piece in another move on the board AND we know that Em0ri is captured in the ep as well. Sheidheda also says to Murphy that how he will respond to the LOSS of his queen will tell him (dilf demon) whether Murphy is a leader or a follower. Murphy objects, saying he’s neither, and Sheidheda immediately scoffs & labels him as a REBEL. Then there’s all kinds of more subtext about Murphy’s motivations and Murphy makes another move and takes dilf demon’s piece and Sheidheda comments that its an avenging move and predictable, and how chess is about strategy and choices blah blah. Anyway I recommend watching it all again, it’s hot. LOL.

Also, I know there has been a great gifset done of that last awesome transition (yay Lindsey) by @wolfheartgirl where she shows how Em0ri the person is placed on the chess board and what ramifications this position has based on Murphy & Sheidheda’s other pieces. I will reblog that gifset after I post this.

But in my VERY typical VERY wordy way - oh heck yeah, I think Sheidheda is holding a grudge against Raven. Don’t forget that scene in s5 where Murphy, Abby, Raven, Em0ri, Jackson, Miller, Gaia and Madi are all locked in the Sanctum jail and Raven’s putting some puzzle pieces together about the commanders in Madi’s head and Sheidheda is literally saying to Madi don’t tell HER anything. He KNOWS Raven is a threat to him, and it’s Raven who takes out the Flame. I don’t know if Sheidheda knows all the details but Raven has been closely linked to Becca throughout the series and I think there have been some hints in canon that Becca in the Flame was one of the things that could have been holding Sheidheda back before now. We know the Flame has been degrading over time. Lots of spec on that but I don’t think it’s out of line for Sheidheda to want Raven specifically OUT of the game.

IMHO I hope Raven gets back to Sanctum in 7x09 for this to start unraveling!

Thanks for the ask, friend! What do YOU think??

[seekingthestars]

sarah watches the untamed: liveblogging adventures, part thirty the untamed boys

(aka: oh ho ho you thought we were done, did you? [she did too.])

uhhhh. yeah. oops? no one will care about these but i.love.them. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the untamed boys, ep 1:

ji li complaining about waiting forever lol

and cyc complaining about being hungry bc he had to wait so long for ji li XD

fanxing is like…not even paying attention, he’s just playing on his phone HAHAHA

ji li “how about THIS i’ll cut yu bin’s hair doing a handstand, i want to cut his yellow hair” he is truly chaos

yu bin and fanxing just lounging all over each other is adorable, i love this uncle and nephew

bowen LOL “bring it on, who cares.”

“Stop talking about me!” /ZOOMS AWAY — WHY IS FANXING SO CUTE I ADORE THIS MARSHMALLOW

fanxing pouting and clinging onto yu bin and yu bin just letting him and hugging him back, fanxing is a koala and stupidly adorable

ji li sliiiiiiding around XDD

“This is our cultivation process” JI LI ILU

jiyang’s FACE when he says he’s lost a lot of hair already fjeaoiwfjw

[ it’s time for Ji Li’s nonsense ] OH GOOD :D :D :D

“can you control your child please?!” NO BOWEN, NO ONE CAN CONTAN JI LI

JIYANG IS SO CUTE IN THE RECORDING STUDIO ;n;

jiyang in this pink and white striped sweater is Peak Softness

the choreographer being grumpy at fanxing makes me ;;;;;;;;;;;;;; yu bin going to pat him makes me ;u;

zfx saying he wanted to give up and pull out so he would stop dragging the rest down makes me ;AAAA;

when fanxing goes “i forgot my actions just now” and puts his hands to his head it is VERY cute but also i just wanna wrap him up in fifteen blankets and tuck him in bed and give him his preferred bedtime drink and tell him he’s doing amazing TINY BABY ;;

AWWWW they got a Halloween cake!!

you’re ALL doing great my lil beans, i proud of youuuu

the untamed boys, episode 2:

dammit all, xiao zhan is so pretty

GOD SONG JIYANG IS SO CUTE UGH

cyc with his hair all pinned up out of his face so he can get his makeup done is freaking adorable

zheng fanxing is so small and cute i will protect this bean

i appreciate that ji li’s jacket says “Maniac” on the back bc.....yeah. i know it’s part of the brand, but STILL. appropriate. such a good boy though, saying he wants to walk around and put everyone in good spirits for the show

fanxing eating his banana CUTIE

i love xiao zhan’s little hat omg

wyb “I don’t think you have ever beaten me before” LOL SASSY

BOWEN BREAKING THE LITTLE TOY CAR THING AND THEN JUST GIVING UP HAHAHA

xz talking about how hard his solo song is to sing but he does such a great job of it, i love his solo song ;~~~~;

good god yu bin saying they rehearsed for 13 hours and slept for like 1-2, how the heck were any of them alive enough to do the show dang

POOR LITTLE FANXING LOOKING SO LOST AND CONFUSED XD

ji li in the audience cute cute

yibo 😭❤️

jiyang’s fan dance!!!! i love jiyang’s fan dance!!!!

FANXING T______T he’s crying so much he’s shaking omg baby omg now i’m gonna cry ;;;;;;;;;;

cyc is so pretty ugh

god every time fanxing cries i just want to wrap him up in a million blankets and rub his back until he feels better

them all saying goodbye to their characters is so EMOTIONAL, and they’re all emotional and xz’s voice cracked and i lost it ;AAAAAAA;

xz and wyb closing it out, my heart ;~~~~~~;

the untamed boys, episode 3: I’m so freaking excited about this chaos oh my god

THE LITTLE FOX PIN THING ON ZANJIN’S SWEATER. CUUUUUTE. also i like that sweater, do want

they get in the van and ji li IMMEDIATELY starting his chaos by yelling at zanjin omg i am living

them pretending to see Disney omg they’re all so dumb

they look so COOOOLD little penguins

fanxing shielding zanjin’s eyes from the sun like the sweet little bb he is

yu bin with his famous poem he’s such a DORK

fanxing time! “i think the boxes are where our staff is” LOL big brain energy from the small boy

ji li and zzj together!

DUMB AND DUMBER BROTHERS “We 2 are crazy” AT LEAST YOU ADMIT IT HAHAHAHA

FINALLY!!!!!! THE LINE!!!!!! “I DON’T FEEL LIKE USING MY BRAIN OUT HERE TODAY!” ZANJIN, IT IS ICONIC

Bowen’s little baby hop to reach the box fjewiaofawe he’s so TALL

“Why!!!!” omg he’s found two and can’t get anything open XDDD

YU BIN’S CACKLE WHEN HE FOUND THE BOX HAHAHAHA and he got it open! such an easy question, he’s so pleased hahaha

“Wow this game really makes people confused” poor Bowen with the empty brain XD “WHAT.” “HOW MANY CHICKENS DID HE STEAL.” i’m dying HAHAHAHA

fanxing found a box!! so smart, this one, he has much knowledge

JI LI AND ZZJ TRYING TO CLIMB THE POLE OMG DUMB DUMB DUMB

oh my god cyc and he peng tormenting ji li and zanjin is hysterical, they’re so chaotic

YU BIN’S DUMBASS LAUGHTER FJEIOWFJWE

ji li changing what was in the box L O L and STUFFING THE CLUE IN HIS SHOE L O L

bowen is so sweet “i need to hurry up and find a box for fanxing!!!!!” but fanXING ALREADY HAS ONE XD

oh nooo zanjin found a box but it’s the one fanxing already opened XDD

CYC’S DUMB LAUGH OMG

FANXING’S VOICE IS SO SOFT every time he speaks i’m just like FJEWIOF WAIT

he is a BABY

calling fanxing “little a-yuan” look i am weak and i am soft

i love how so far everyone’s been eliminated for just attacking the wrong person lol their web of lies and deception is so deep

why is yu bin stroking bowen’s face lol

omg it’s yu bin’s gross marshmallow time

did they just stick entire unpeeled bananas on the grill 

ji li singing XDDD

yu bin using the eggplant as a mic for bowen XD

cute bunch of boys c:

the untamed boys, episode 4:

(How drop-dead gorgeous they are!) -- Correct caption is very correct

ALL HUDDLED TOGETHER LIKE LITTLE PENGUINS AGAIN :D

“Can we have something to eat inside?” “Or anything to drink~?” PLS JIYANG AND FANXING TOO CUTE

LOL THIS FACE JIYANG

JI LI’S “NO~”

cyc: “HE LIKES SLEEPING NAKED” fanxing: slowly covers ears  XDDDDD

yu bin’s guess of “he talks with a doll before going to sleep” omg i’m dying

jiyang’s like “when did i act cute” and then poUTS AT THE CAMERA fjewioafjawe

them guessing all of jiyang’s before he can even pick a person LOLOL

ji li going “yu bin sent me a message once and i replied 14 days later” LOL I RELATE i have legit done that, not on purpose, i just forget, i’m really bad at forgetting to reply if i don’t see the message/notification constantly, i have goldfish memory

ji li “I quit, I don’t wanna compliment him anymore” XDDDD

fanxing is so small and cute pls he’s like four someone get him a juice box

jiyang, bowen, yu bin VS fanxing, ji li, yuchen!

YUCHEN DANG but also fanxing going “OHHH!!!” and clapping and hopping along in excitement jfeiowafw

fanxing with the big paw gloves omg

yuchen is so good at this

ji li: “it hurts!!” fanxing: runs up to him and cups ji li’s cheeks in his giant paw gloves all concerned SO. CUTE.

them all being dumb and dancing around during halftime fjeiowaf

fanxing sneaking a snack in XD

fanxing trying to grab the ball and just falling over with it PLS SOMEONE PROTECT HIM HE IS SO SMALL

cyc and ji li are both surprisingly good at this, esp. cyc

and then he whacked ji li in the face feioawjfawe POOR JI LI

yu bin’s hat falls off “THIS IS MY LIFE WHICH CAN’T BE LOST” XD

the untamed boys, episode 5: dinner party time! /chants WZC WZC WZC :D :D :D

WZC WZC!!!!!! “I’m just hungry” LOL

AND GUO CHENG!! :D

nom nom eat up hungry boys!!

ohhhh everyone got hidden tasks oh fun!

yu bin just singing omg fjiewoafjwaeo; XDD

everyone in this cast in their own brand of chaotic, it’s so great 

the interview part with cyc in that suit and those glasses HEART EYES

jiyang’s drawing is cute!

wzc about yu bin: “he’s the fish who loves singing in my heart!” XDDD

yu bin’s scribbles of ji li BLESS IT “I usually don’t get what he means, just like this drawing that’s not understandable.”

“what about the lost arm????” “HE DID LOSE IT AT THE END!!!!!!” ilovejili

omg they’re gonna be baristas omg so CUTE, the coffee shop AU of everyone’s dreams thank you 🙏

ji li’s face when he tries the drink HE made XDDD and fanxing consistently refusing to try it XD

fanxing and yu bin duo is the CUTEST and fanxing’s constant little pouty faces when they can’t get anyone to agree to coffee jfieowajfawe

ji li and yi zhou are doing no better XDD 

bowen seeing the puppy and immediately stopping what he’s doing to run after it screaming “OHHHH!!!!!” is such a mood

bowen is so chaotic, chasing puppies, screaming at people in boats XD

fanxing chasing down the foreigner omg lol

they made such a mess of the cup lol but they’re so CUTE i would forgive them if they were my baristas

nie bros got a customer!

“I’m the wiiiiiinner, sorry!” JI LI THAT WAS STUPIDLY CUTE SHUT UP

“What winner, you’re the waiter.” LOLOLOL YU BIN

BOWEN GIVING HIS COAT TO THE GUY HAHAHA

literally the coffee shop of my dreams, pls, all the cute waiters

yu bin just swooping over and shoving ji li out of the way to talk to the lady XDD

fanxing talking to the lady washing dishes and about his mom and all the part time jobs he had and he is such a soft sweet little bean

and we did it! that’s a wrap on The Untamed Boys! (er, the show anyway lol) that was fun, I enjoyed myself and laughed a lot bc they’re dumb and adorable :’)

[fatebreaking-a]

Tagged by : I am a thief. ( Stolen from @starthieve​ ) Tagging : steal it from me.

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

( I will not, I will pick all my muses, how dare- I’ll leave everything except this blog + my other Sona blog out, for length’s sake.) long post, so it’s under the cut.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES-ish / NO. ( people who like her like her, and people who don’t... really don’t. )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — lol. I take inspiration from canon, let’s put it that way.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Your local patron saint of lost causes, a heroic entity who has overcome betrayal and judgement to become an existence that can save the world. Also she’s tall and strong and hot and nice, what more could you want? Huh? You want more than being hugged by a 6′4″ lady??? Sona can also be in various countries, and can participate very easily in fluff, angst, and all sorts of other types of threads.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Lots of angst and drama, a bit of a loner with a distant vibe. Having no etwahl and not playing music kills the interest and ‘usual interactions’ for a lot of people, and being mute & not jumping to telepathy can make threads dry and slow. Being a ‘sexy boob lady’ ( u g h ) also has painted her in a certain light - I’ll never forget that someone said that ‘ofc everyone ships with Sona, she’s the village bicycle.’ I’ve made her exceptionally strong ( almost overpowered ), and that doesn’t jive with people sometimes - shoving in all these themes that I personally like and crafting an interesting story of a divine / demonic seer witch who doesn’t know what to do with herself, is finally ‘too strong’, and finds power distasteful... The themes can be a little depressing and cold, even when she acts nice. And seeing “Even though she feels nothing, she still acts nice” in character can feel... tiring. A mute is not an easy person to write with, and I don’t shy away from trying to give the impression that ‘waiting for Sona to communicate can be tiring’ - because I want my readers and mutuals to feel the kinds of things she goes through everyday. While I try to make the blog accessible, Sona has a speech disability, and that can be tiring.

Also that she doesn’t act like a fancy noble... I don’t know. I feel like the way that I write her is very, very different to the fandom’s impression of her, and that leaves people disillusioned. “This isn’t what I expected or signed up for.” She’s just not that person... And because she doesn’t speak, a lot of prompts are off limits. I’ve also recently reset because I wanted to emphasize that she is patient, grim, and secretive while still being kind. I’ve toned down her tendency for mischief a lot, she used to be an absolute gremlin.

A lot of these things also apply to my other Sona blog ( @virtuous-dignity​ ), where she is extremely structured and self-confident and a bit of a recluse, so while she’s much much nicer, she’s also a complete hardass. It’s rough stuff, especially since I make sure to point out, “hey this Sona practices music over 8 hours every day.” “Hey this Sona finds it morally wrong to play music for small audiences.” There are certain traits that just cut ideas in the bud.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  I played Sona a lot in bot lane. Multiple years of sexist remarks, shitty writing, and bad characterization made me frustrated. A lot of things were left unexplained and the etwahl felt like too much of a focus that I could not answer, “who is Sona besides a musician with a fancy instrument”. She has to be someone, right? But we never get to that in the story ( nor in the apparent upcoming lore rework either... ). She has to be someone, her being a famous musician is not everything. So I forcibly tossed aside the music part, especially to also prevent accidentally being pulled into ‘your music is so pretty’ plots. Plus: I wanted to write a character with an internal conflict who was going through some things but wanted to be nice anyway - I believe in that idea a lot. And I wanted to write a character that, tbh, could ship and flirt and just... be flirty and easy going more ( hah! didn’t work out so great now! ). My first canon characters were a ‘left by the void Malz’ dealing with his sins and Ori, who I talk about below, and neither were really great for getting that flirty vibe out. I also really wanted to emphasize that... Well, to be blunt, that if I wrote Sona as sexually promiscuous, that wasn’t a bad thing. That ‘being sexy’ and ‘sex positive’ did not equal ‘objectified tiddy witch’ and ‘perfect candidate for oppai mouse pad’ and other things I’ve heard directed at me in my league experience. Many, many things. Ugh. It kind of did end up turning into a thing where Sona herself draws an interesting line between ‘haha I can tell everyone’s looking at me with those eyes and it’s the fucking worst’ and ‘ok but I trust you and am in bed with you, so I want you to grab me’ - but that’s getting more into ns/fw topics so I’ll leave it there. 

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  All my characters tend to be expressions of myself, as well as answering important thematic questions, like “What does it mean to be rejected by your home and no longer have a place”, and some other stuff. I usually go back to that. Plus, exploring concepts around abandonment and loneliness is something I do a lot with her - feelings of neglect and disillusionment, and ideas surrounding “do I need to like someone or be liked by someone to treat them with dignity”. ( virtuous-dignity, on the other hand, was created because I wanted to write something as soft and uwu as possible, and then it turned into something about ‘balancing dignity for oneself with duty to others’ and handling those kinds of conflicts. )

I also really do enjoy, on some level, turning people around on these characters. “You made me care about character x” is such high praise.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( idk, how many of you think robots are hot- )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( I think people downplay Ori’s intelligence a lot, but Riot also casually implied she did open heart surgery on herself so??? )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — hahahahahahaha. hah. hah. Sorry. Everything I write is divergent by default.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A genius inventor and cute spherical robot duo who speak to other robots and shoot lightning, run around acting cute, and try to save their city one step at a time - all while dealing with deep existential dread and fighting off a fate that decrees Ori’s death. Between ‘pancake bot’ and Ori being an accidental flirt, there’s plenty of variety and development here as my oldest canon muse. Not to mention that the blog ‘grows’ and ‘changes’, and in the last year, Ori has taken to dying her hair pink ( because Vi is cool is why, just don’t let her near a rifle or she’ll try to imitate Cait ). I also regularly think about / draw different hairstyles and clothing styles. Ori is very much ‘alive’, the most so out of the three muses on this blog. A human that has the memories of being a robot, trying to live on and live a good life. Also, there are bird, angel, and time themes. So many clocks. Mega clocks!

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Deep angst and existential dread, because she knows her fate is to die and she’s cheated time. Themes of dysphoria and other troubling topics abound. Being stuck in time loops, thinking she’s an aberration, needing crutches because her legs stop working, etc.

Also, removing the fact that she is a robotic automaton is a bunch of the appeal of Ori. Or well, it’s what makes her character ‘interesting and unique’ to many. Without that, she is ‘yet another Zaunite’, as the thing that made her most interesting was her death and rebirth. ( Nevermind that her entire story is that she’s a selfless person but- I’m supposed  to act like she’s bad, right? )

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  Hey remember when institute of war was a thing? And then when it wasn’t? And Ori’s lore was “died to a turret shot trying to be a champion”... and then it was up in the air for two years?

That’s why. If no one else will love her, I will. She deserves better. And then the lore became close to my lore so I rewrote everything a second time trying to stick to the themes I had.

Ori’s thematic question is, “What do you do when you don’t recognize yourself anymore? How do you get back to ‘okay’ and what do you do from there?” It’s a pretty dim question that has a lot to do with body image, but also to do with abandonment and neglect, and  just dropping out of people’s lives. I think that’s something that people can really relate to. I originally wrote her on a multi with a ‘post void Malz’, who was dealing with the trauma of being puppeted around for years and all the things he had done, trying to get back to ‘okay’ without getting killed. More below:

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Themes as noted above, Ori is super cute, and a lot of my art & general ideas. I’ve kind of turned these three characters in borderline OCs and keep developing them as they grow... Sometimes I think the stories and concepts I’ve written have outgrown the fandom. And thinking about her, and how she would live, and what her story is... mmm.

Also, the themes I write... I think they matter. Maybe it’s not obvious to anyone but myself, but writing a character who feels dysphoria and hates their body for ‘betraying them’... is relatable. It’s not nice. It’s not simple. But it’s relatable and it matters. Ori’s theme on this blog has a lot to do with “fighting a fate that says you’re going to lose and defying expectations” as well as “coming back from something wicked and rotten in your psyche/body”. And I do write some other skin verses for her but they’re all adapted to meet that theme. ( For example, in SG, she rises to guardian after finding out she’s fated to become a dark star and fights that fight alone, because ‘hell no she’s not going to go dark’. This was 5+ years ago back when there were theories SG and DS were same universe. )

Mostly it’s writing about these themes of expectation and reality. Overprotective parent, absentee parent, dealing with trauma... All my writing is like that. It can make my characters seem overly tragic, yes, but these ideas are not so far gone that they’re completely irrelevant and beyond belief. I’m sure many people have experienced emotional exhaustion and problems with body image. Even though I do write ‘polite but ready to fight’ characters only... Well, I believe in exploring and expressing these kinds of problems. Inner conflict and all. But also fluff! Fluff is really nice! Talk to her about pancake robot.

I also really do enjoy, on some level, turning people around on these characters. “You made me care about character x” is such high praise.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. ( post rework??? oh my god )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( hard to consider ‘martial’ characters strong when Xer/ath and Syn/dra exist )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO. ( she’s a little overrated, isn’t she?  )

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I still draw from old lore with her big four blades of doom and ‘reviving’ with the help of Raka ( though I leave it vague / easy to gloss over ). I also had a lot of ideas about music and rhythm and tradition before the update ( drums were a big thing for her, so strong percussive beats and motions reign over the more silk and ribbon dances that flow more, drawing on things like Zelos existing, Lito’s lessons & harsh behavior, and her own internalized habits of trying to calm herself ), so I draw on those a ton. For me, the progression is ‘classic’ -> ‘infiltrator / nightblade ‘ -> ‘aviator’ all as one timeline. Also wrote her as being ‘missing in action’, which makes the awaken cinematic weird. I also really try to emphasize that she’s an emotionally stunted wardog with scars and not ultra pretty, so.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A world traveler and a wardog, you can find her anywhere, any time, ready to kick some butt and enjoy the local food. Her simmering fury is a counterpoint to her relatively muted demeanor and adventurous spirit. However you may find her, there’s a definite charm to being flown up above the clouds to watch a sunset and talk. She will fly you where you need to be.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  I’m a little stuck on old lore and writing Lia as a character that has “left behind” her past and is pretending to be dead does make certain interactions tough. She’s also a deeply stunted character, emotionally, and I write her ten years of experience as having chilled her to a cold, ever burning ember rather than a passionate flame. Also, ‘aviator’ is kind of weird to handle for a lot of people.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  This one is really simple. When this blog started, the only splash where Irelia was smiling was the aviator splash. That’s it. That as the whole reason. “I want her to be happy and have found her happiness.”

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  I will admit that Lia is the character that I give the least attention to out of these three, and part of it is because I don’t really do flirting or shipping with her as much. She’s not one to reach out to others, and there are a lot of popular Lia blogs to the point that when I, as a multi, write with someone... She probably isn’t the first pick.

But I just... want her to be happy. That’s it. As I mentioned with the Ori section, what I’ve worked out for her has kind of outgrown the fandom itself, she’s become a different entity. Her themes largely involve recovery and finding oneself anew, and writing a character that is passionate about others while still being cool-headed is some of the variety I need. Because Lia is ace/homosexual, she sits out on a lot of the flirty content, but the chances I get to write her being romantic and caring... my god. Just a few posts back and forth with @unholyshe​ ‘s Akali and a So/na I used to write with....... Unforgettable. ( On that note go follow @unholyshe​ what a good writer, gosh dang. ) It’s these small interactions I find intensely compelling, and having a ‘quiet intensity’ and really thinking about her body language...

Also it’s nice to write a character with little secret agenda, who is just straightforward. “Will I enjoy kissing you? Only one way to find out. ‘It was okay.’ “ A ‘the only way forward is through, just do it’ attitude is refreshing.

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Learning to write all three characters helps me write the others: The little things I think about that are specific to each person really help me out for the others. The depth of using body language from Sona bleeds into how Lia uses body language, and how Ori doesn’t ( even common ticks ), etc etc. Ori’s blunt, observational style of speaking ( telling you that you look good like it’s an observational fact ) helps me understand how to be straightforward with Lia.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES …? / NO. ( sometimes I do get very anxious abt it, esp. since I’m so divergent and do things like ‘so/na is one part succubus lol’ )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( do excerpts count? less headcanons and more musings, since I’m on like 5+ years with 2/3 of these. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( time is not a thing but I used to write a ton, my drabble energy goes to novels now )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO. ( this is why you see mobile posts from me constantly, and so many excerpts / musings ).

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. ( It’s what I want but it can also be disillusioning / disappointing to people so. Dunno. Anxiety. =/  )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( It takes me a bit to warm up to a character again, but yes. I know my writing is not bad but I can be a little insecure about it. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( Very. I cry a lot and I get upset pretty easily. Sometimes I end up being really cold instead but idk. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — To a point. Sometimes criticism is irrelevant or meaningless, or is just personal taste. “Sona shouldn’t be that strong” isn’t helpful ( but thinking about ways to pare down the complexity is good! ) Sometimes I get criticism that is the equivalent of tasting a chocolate cake and going, “It should have been vanilla, I like vanilla better.” That’s cool, but that has nothing to do with the taste of the chocolate cake I made. ( Ori as a human isn’t interesting, talk more about Sona & the etwahl even though it’s broken, Lia flying doesn’t make sense, etc - these are foundational flavors, so what can I do? ).

Also sometimes people make comments that make me feel they’re just being petty / catty and not sincere. I’ve seen quite a few hypocritical comments and it’s hard to take them seriously. So, yes, but ‘to a point’... Mostly I take suggestions, which I then talk about for the muse. Exploring those ideas. Unsolicited criticism is... hmm. In my experience, about half of it isn’t constructive. And from the wrong person, it can sound judgemental. 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — Of course? I love asks. Always. Great. Awesome. If I have a chance to draw to answer these asks, even better.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Not really. I’m divergent, they probably disagree because they have a different vision for the character. I’ll be honest here and say I’ve had enough people tell me that “my portrayals are not what they expected” that this can be... disheartening. I usually have a good reason for 80% of my hcs. If we’re talking in IMs though or just conversing, I’m totally fine with it. This comes back to unsolicited criticism - to be a little blunt, some people just straight up don’t know what they’re talking about. And given that I put a bunch of effort in trying to make sure most of my headcanons can be glossed over, so it doesn’t cause conflict and my ‘ultra grim take’ doesn’t cause the end times... I dunno. I’d rather that someone tell me “the kind of interactions they want”, so I can lean into that direction. If you just want fluff, I can leave most of my darker hcs for So/na at the door... But you need to tell me that, so I can work with you. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — just leave? huh? I mean, I already know people disagree. If you’re not rude, then we’ll just move on and be chill. Otherwise... well, we won’t be chill and you can still go, but I’ll consider you a dick. I don’t expect everyone to agree with “Ori is a human”, but why bring that up to me?

This is why a lot of the time, when people talk about characters and my muses, my brain defaults to “Well that has nothing to do with me.” Why should I invest any time being upset that people are disappointed with my portrayal or I’m not what they expected. It’s exhausting. People have some really strong opinions about Lia and Sona sometimes, but... ‘that has nothing to do with me.’ There’s no point in trying to convince someone to try your flavor of ice cream when they’ve already decided what flavor and toppings they want. It just leads to tremendous insecurity. I should not have to argue that ‘my portrayal is worth paying attention to’. 

Ugh. I might be too sensitive about this. There was a point where people really got in the habit of saying, “this is how character x is” ( not their muse ), and it felt like someone trying to enter my kitchen. It did not feel like a suggestion or an idea. It was an assertive, “this is how Irelia is” by, say... a Ry/ze or Ken/nen blog or something. That felt extremely isolating and alienating to me, because it felt like I could not participate in that conversation at all. Or stuff after. I had to sideline myself, because... that has nothing to do with me or my interpretations. Ofc griping at them is wrong because I know they mean, ‘this is how I see it’, but ye. I’m short tempered and easily upset. Working on it.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — um? bye? hello?

god I used to go “ ok that’s cool you don’t like my portrayal, here are some other great So/na blogs that I love” but I realized that I was directing someone who felt the need to tell me my portrayal or character is bad to those people... and no. no no no. I still feel a little guilty about it, because thinking I directed a toxic person to my duplicates...  yuck.

If you don’t like the characters, or you don’t like my divergent takes, that’s fine. I get it’s not for everyone. Just unfollow me. You’re not paying me. You’re not under any obligation. To an extent, i don’t mind being critical of the character, but there’s a difference between being critical and being hateful to someone’s muse? And it depends a lot on how close I am with a person. For example, I think Sy/las is a complete scumbag and I hate him, but I don’t go yelling that to every Sy/las blog I see. C’mon.

Another bit of salt but it’s... kind of a sad topic, really. There are some characters people love to hate, whereas other ones get the ‘protection squad’. And in general it’s really disheartening to see someone shittalk Lux every two weeks, but go ‘these other champs are off limits’. If you have that attitude, it makes me think you’ll shittalk my characters the moment they get popular ( COUGHIRELIACOUGH ) and that’s kind of sad. And mean. So general advice on this is: Probably just don’t tell someone you hate their muse, you know? Idk. Everyone has their own tolerance level too so. meh.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Somewhat.  Not much to say here, sometimes I am very tired, sometimes I comma splice like a madman, sometimes I overuse hyphen dashes to avoid deciding whether to use a comma, period, or semicolon - like this. I don’t need an editor. English is my first language. But if there’s something egregious or you have tips, let me know? I’m someone who looks up grammar rules regularly, and breaks teh rules just as regularly. Knowing when and how to break grammar rules is useful. Though I do tend to... overuse something once I’ve learned it. Hyphen dash, I’m looking at you.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   — Yes and no. I’m chill, I can be a little overly passionate, and I’m pretty quick to apologize... But I have certain moral standards and if you break those, you’re done. Also I can be a vengeful bastard. I try to give as much benefit of the doubt as I can and many chances, but I’ve noticed that I really... have a sour attitude towards a lot more people than I expect. Sometimes people who are very well liked, just because they said or did something that ticked me off. Luckily, I have the special skill of not being a jerk even if I don’t like you, and overall trying to be nice to most people, so it usually won’t matter. 

Ah and I can be a little selective in who I talk to / play favorites a bit. I’m a busy person with an adult life and a stressful job, I only have so much patience. I skip from “tolerating it” to “leaving”, and that can seem like I ghosted, but that’s not always the case. Just better to leave than to pick fights. I have some pretty strict standards and harsh opinions. Short temper. Vengeful. Alas.

Somehow people think I am very nice and baby, so take that for what you will. Pft. I just want people to be happy and feel comfortable and okay. Wrong is wrong, blah blah blah ok I stop now.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

( If you managed to read all this, with 3 full muses... Let me know, I want to hug you??? )