shhhselah

[shhhselah]

[shhhselah]

The Pride & Worship of Life

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

12:33pm

Comparison is the idolizing of creation over Creator.

Yikes. Jumping right in, aren’t we?

Selah.

Take some time to prepare your heart & sit before God. Now, when He’s given you the go, continue-

*This post is not to discredit the existence of mental illness or PTSD which creates & perpetuates these habits/mindsets in us, but it is simply to educate- spiritually- about the issue of Comparison & its roots.

Now, allow me to say it again, Comparison is the idolizing (worship) of creation over Creator. 

You worship others or even yourself, but begin to trust, disbelieve, dislike & even hate the Crafter.

You reverence & love the one, yet despise the Other for not creating you the same. (Matthew 6:24) You worship- in awe- the creation, setting up a pillar to offer incense of adoration. Yet your heart grows bitter, doubtful & resentful towards the Creator for not making you the same. For not molding you as you believe He should have. You judge Him for poor use of His time & supposed sovereignty. You accuse Him of carelessly using His time, putting you & your life together haphazardly. You question what you feel you lack in comparison to them- exasperated that He as God should have known better during the drafting process. You belittle His wisdom & intelligence, surely He should have taken into account the various factors of "such a time as this," to have better formed, equipped & provided for you. We place His other handiwork on a pedestal & worship its beauty, its flawless skin, colored eyes, long hair, favorable figure, fabulous clothes, excess wealth, stunning vacations, spare time, skills & talents & on & on & on. Or, Possibly you stand at the opposite extreme- where you haughtily applaud the Lord for His diligent use of time in crafting you. Perhaps, you are one of the many who have fallen into a nature of pride, arrogance, loftiness. You may even be unaware of it, simply seeing yourself as faultlessly confident, and that's what God wants for His children, isn't it? For them to be content, in love, thoroughly thankful for His "handiwork?" You may feel, "I am only acknowledging that I am fearfully & wonderfully made." And if that, my friend, is your sincere heart, then Amen. What a blessing. However, I'd raise to you to venture out & seek the Creator's verification that your heart posture is truly that of reverence for Him & not for you. Allow me to elucidate, I can tell you that Ezekiel 28 reveals to us that Lucifer's (Satan) fall was because of Pride. The kind of pride that was birthed from falling in love with himself. Utterly. He was created to reflect the glory of God. He was made of every kind of beautiful stone & gem, & crafted into his physical make-up, was also piping, as he himself was made to not simply orchestrate, but create beautiful melodies of praise & worship unto the Most High.

Yet... What went wrong, was that Lucifer began to believe that the beauty of his countenance- the sparkle, shimmer, brilliance of his being as he reflected the very majesty of God- was because of his own doing, his own nature & being. Hubris. It escaped him, that without the magnificence of God's beauty to shine upon him, he had no light, there was no brilliance, & his “splendor," disappeared. He was merely another object left in a dark closet- dull & purposeless. Lucifer became so entranced by the way his body responded aglow to the presence of God, he became so drunk with the power of witnessing how the worship he created & conducted moved the beings of Heaven, that he became utterly convinced that he himself was not just God, but higher. He was so utterly convinced, he began- for an unknowable length of time- to conspire against God within His own ranks, seeking allegiance with fellow angelic beings. He meticulously went about convincing them that he was truly higher than the King of kings they lived eternally to worship & serve. He was successful in what was an ultimate misleading- he officially recruited 1/3 of Heaven to revolt against God, in conviction that the wrong Being was on the throne. "Pride goes before destruction & a haughty spirit before a fall (*stumble)." Proverbs 16:18 In brevity, I'll tell you that Lucifer met his "destruction," in being utterly cast from Heaven, evicted from the presence, glory & true splendor of God- & so became Satan. And as for his followers (the 1/3 of Heaven), they became the very demons tormenting us, our families & the world as we have & currently do know it today. Why is this story important? It is the danger of self. Of pride. Of Idolatry. Idolatry is the act of placing another object or being before/above God & worshipping it. How many things do we place before God in our lives? Our jobs, money (Matthew 6:24), our partners, our dreams, friends, family, school, sex, habits & addictions, zodiacs, our indulgences & desires. We place things on a pedestal constantly! We seek them for security, protection, validation, love, understanding, confidence, power, purpose, wisdom, advice, direction, income, success. We have replaced God with so much. And sometimes, we put ourselves on the throne. We lean on our own wisdom & understanding, we pursue our desires, fulfill our plans, suffer for our dreams but not His purpose, marry & date who we see fit, hustle & grind to “make it happen by our d*** selves," lavish ourselves, pray to & answer ourselves, consult ourselves & the list goes on. Some of us search all our lives to fall in love with ourselves. Some of us spend all our lives in love with ourselves. In the latter, like Lucifer, you have fallen in love with "your splendor," worshipping your beauty & solidness of character, praising yourself, your talents, determination, strength & resilience. You toss measly claps at God for "doing His thang." You exalt yourself above others, putting them down or simply questioning how they could ever “compete.” Your admiration is not in that the perfect, sovereign, eternal God knew you before He formed you, & then with all love, purpose & attention, crafted you with the intimate knowledge & will He had for you. No, your admiration is, “How could something this divine exist?" Rather than, "I am formed by the Divine Himself."

May the twinkle in your eye at yourself be the admiration of knowing you are touched by the Most High, but not that you yourself are the touch. Be careful, family. The search for self & self love can be dangerous. It is only natural to want to know more about your time on this planet & how you connect to history or other parts of the world through purpose or genetics, but remember that you are not just here- you were placed. God placed each one of us in a specific space & place in time, for a reason. We do right to seek the Creator & His purpose for us, one that lays into an extraordinary plot that has been at work since before the foundations of the world. My dear, it is simply not about us you & never has been. Neither yourself nor I, dear darling. It is & has always been about the Creator. Seek His face, not your own. You will never know why you are here if you do not acquaint yourself to the One who purposefully placed you here. May we never feel that humans are the most important factor in this plot. That perfectly rounds us back to Insecurity, Pride & Arrogance, which are the Idolizing Worship of Humans. Let us remember that Idolatry is the practice of placing, worshipping & exalting something or someone before, above or instead of God.  Idolatry in itself is a horror, mistake, sin & blasphemy. A provocation of the Lord's anger. He speaks of the a multitude of times throughout the Old & New Testaments. In Romans 1:25, He specifically rebukes the act of "worshipping & serving the creature rather than the Creator who is blessed forever. Amen." In the space of Insecurity, Arrogance & Pride, we look to the creation to govern how the Creator should rule. We begin to believe fellow man is the end goal, the aspiration, leaving behind that God set the goal long before we existed in the Commandments & later, Christ. We begin to exalt man to the deity of "God," "god," or "Goddess" rather than servant. We fail to acknowledge or realize that the title or authority of being a small god is only through what Jesus secured for us. We place our fellow beings or ourselves on a throne & bow down to them in the form of endless scrolling, RTs, saved screenshots that we pine over & pick at ourselves because of, photoshopping our images to look like them, STAN culture, vision boards that leave us wallowing in pity & self hate, vanity that utterly consumes us with our image constantly, etc. We worship them in awe & covetousness, desiring who they are, what they have, what they do, what they look like, where they're from, how they live, how they talk, what degrees they have, the list goes on. We allow them to inspire & stir a worship of both them & ourselves in the form of inferiority, insecurity, inadequacy, resentment, self consciousness, pride, bitterness, discontentment, arrogance, hubris, entitlement, loathing, envy, depression. The center of our attention in all of these- is us & them. What we lack, what they have- what they lack, what we have. All of this, darlings, utterly takes the attention off of who this whole thing is about- God. Our Father in Heaven. The Most High. Emmanuel. YHWH.

All of these demonic & evil reactions place us in a position of lowliness or superiority before others. They make us feel beaten down or built up about ourselves. And we harp all day everyday about how much less we are than others or how much greater we are than others. Instead of Confidence & Humility in, through & before God, you have been walking in Hubris or Insecurity. Both of them a constant state of self consciousness- an utter awareness & focus on self. A care & concern of self. This is how Satan fell. These states of being define you & your movement in the world. You're not just humble. You're insecure. That's why you won't accept compliments or "praise." Or, you’re prideful. You fake it because that's what people like to see & you know how to play the role. You're not just meek. You're terrified of the world & those in it, seeing everything as a danger to your mental, emotional & physical stability. So you stay quiet & agreeable. You're not just gracious- You're people pleasing. You'll do anything to get their validation, likes, smiles, attention. Maybe you're too scared of disappointing them to say, "No," or maybe you have a hidden agenda because every opportunity can be used to serve yourself. You're not just easy to get along with- you're just hiding by fitting the mold. Fitting in to get on. You fear rejection. You hate tension. You're not just charming. You're manipulative. You know exactly what to say or do to ace people's approval, avoid conflict, or get what you want out of them. You're not just being honest; you're defensive & throwing it all out there to control reactions to you & rejection of you. You don't wanna be hurt, so you make sure to get the jump on them. This allows you to be transparent without vulnerability; for you to say no to them before they can say no to the most fragile parts of you.

You're not just helpful; you don't know how to say "No." You were rebuked, scolded, bullied, raped for saying, "No." It's transformed you into a, "Yes man." Or, you feel pridefully that you're the only one who can do the job "right." You're not brave; you just don't feel like you have anything to lose anymore. Or, you feel unstoppable, invincible, the greatest there is.

You're not at peace; you're numb. You're self medicating. You don't acknowledge hurt, weakness or areas needing growth- it's for losers, you have no time, there's nothing wrong with you anyways. We turn to others or ourselves & worship- idolize. In this, the devil has molded, contorted, & permanently twisted us out of a godly shape through shame in being who, where, what & how we are. He has inflated some of us with a boastfulness & love for "self" that pits you against the Sovereignty of Most High. The way we move in this world is more influenced by people than God, the posture of our motivations one of worship to satan. If we could see some of ourselves in the spirit, we'd look like the bent over woman whom Jesus touched in Luke 13:12-13. She was bent over 18 years & couldn't stand up in any way.

Some of us have been bent over in the demonic driven posture of envy, hate, insecurity, rejection, discontentment & depression for 18 years now. For 4 years or 12 years or 37 years. All because of comparison. Some of us are as inflated as Lucifer in Ezekiel 28. Think about your goals. So many want to be the best at what they do. Some don't believe they can or deserve the best of anything. Selah. Ask yourself, dear one. Why? The Scriptures tell us that we are to be excellent in that which we do. 1 Peter 2:12 1 Corinthians 12:31 Philipians 4:8 For we serve an excellent God (1 Peter 2:9) & are meant to be a representation of such excellence (Colossians 3:23-24). Whatever we do, we are meant to do in fullness of heart as unto Him. So ask yourself, does your motivation for greatness have anything to do with Him? Are you working as unto the excellency of the Lord, or are you setting up monuments, legacy, notoriety & infamy for your own self & name?

Do you want His name to be remembered through you when you go, or yours? Are you here for clout, or do you want to use every last breath pointing back to the One who gave it all? And for those who suffer with smallness, worthlessness, unbelief- what is behind this? Who told you that you did not deserve the best? God gave you His very best when He sent His only Son & unleashed the fullness of His wrath upon Him. Revelations & 2 Kings shows us how Satan tried to devour the seed of David that his lineage (prophesied to give way to the birth of the Messiah), would end far before Jesus came. Satan sent fear into King Herod, who called for every male baby under 2 to be murdered across the lands. Again, even after His birth, satan was trying to foil the unfolding of God's best for you. He tried to tempt Jesus in the desert without success, so that Jesus could sin & forfeit His role as Messiah. God ensured, protected & saw through to completion His very best for you.

Do not be dejected & downcast in your motivations & aspirations. Do not refuse prophecy or exhortation in unworthiness. Do not reject your mantle in fear & unworthiness. Do not pray small. Do not avoid disappointment by practicing hopelessness.

Do not refuse what God tells you to save face & rely on yourself to protect your heart.

God is the Lover & Mender of that heart, dear baby. Likewise, to those who assume they are entitled to all the riches God has to give, humble yourselves before Him as Jesus says in Luke 14:7-11: "So He told a parable to those who were invited, when He noted how they chose the best places, saying to them: 8 “When you are invited by anyone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited by him; 9 and he who invited you and him come and say to you, ‘Give place to this man,’ and then you begin with shame to take the lowest place. 10 But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you. 11 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Do not assume God's plans for you are luxury, riches, fame, notoriety, convenience & constant spoils. That they are to fulfill your every demand. His call may, for you, to be a hidden figure history will never know outside of the ones He called you to impact. We do not know God's master plan, so assume yourself neither to be a grand plot not a brief mention.

We are here as a part of His plan, not our own. We are all meant to shine for the glory of God yet pale in holy comparison to only Him. The only throne we are ever supposed to look to is God's, my darling. The only image that should ever make us to feel small, inferior, inadequate & humble is that of the glory of God. The only boasting we should have is in our weakness & the might of Jehovah. If we are to feel unworthy, may it be a natural reaction to the deep love of the Cross. If we are to revere anyone, it should be Jesus. If we are to doubt or question anyone, it should be the enemy & creation. May we never put God on trial in a trick of the enemy. Repent for coming against your Maker. Accept forgiveness. Bind every demon in the name of Jesus that has contorted your very nature into a satanic posture of worship through Comparison in the various forms of: Insecurity, Envy, Depression, Resentment towards God & others, Unforgiveness towards God, Hate, Discontentment, Rejection, Inadequacy, Low Self Esteem, Self Consciousness, Inferiority, Suicidal, Hubris, Gloating, Superiority, Vanity, etc. Loose yourself in the name of Jesus of every habit, mindset & way of operating adopted & created that came with those demons & their influence in the form of- Distance, Refusal to form Relationships, Isolation, Self Medicating, Addictions, Endless Scrolling, Nit Picking at yourself & others, Self Harm, Suicide, Refusal to Trust, Refusal to Accept Compliments, Refusing to Acknowledge Feelings or Care, Self Blame, Refusal to Accept Help/Support, People Pleasing, Deflecting, Rebellion Against Authority, Bullying, Fighting, Recklessness, Selfishness, Greed, Hoarding, Vain Ambition, etc. Renounce every Vow in the name of Jesus- both spoken & unspoken- you made that came from those things: vows to always rely on yourself, vows to never accept compliments, to always have enough money, to never have kids, to never be like "them," to always work harder than everybody else, etc. There are vows you made to yourself in hurt, anger, or arrogance, & they are a sin. They are mindsets, principles you have called your own self to worship, bow down, follow & adhere to. 

They have shaped your life: your interactions, relationships, & perspectives. It is time to let them die & live only by the authority, Word & Spirit of the Most High.

For too long you have operated in the power of your own resources, strength, understanding, belief, desires, opinion, etc, all because of how you saw yourself, others & through that- God. You let others become God. You let yourself become God. He is a jealous God. He does not share. He does not submit. Free yourself from ever worshipping creation over Creator through worshipping the perceived lowliness or highness of yourself. Restore yourself to trusting in God alone, resting in His majesty. Our eyes are to be on the Father of Heaven, dear baby. Not on what we perceive we lack, what others have or what we want & have ourselves. But let us look to the Rivers of Living Waters, the Fount that won't run dry. Listen to this song & bask in the Creator who made you fearfully, wonderfully, intentionally, patiently, carefully, lovingly, devotedly, for such a time as this ♥️

Selah.

Matthew 6:24 Esther 4:14 Luke 13:10-17 Psalm 139 Jeremiah 1:5

"I Am Loved/There Is Nothing Better" Maverick City Music feat. Naomi Raine

[shhhselah]

“Social Distancing”

Sunday, May 3, 2020

6:38pm

Hey Kingdom of God- People of Zion!

The Lord is going to call some of us into a time of "Social Distancing," even after the Quarantine is over and eeeeeeverything opens back up.

He's got our attention now, but there will be times He's gonna want it for an extended period of time even after this pandemic subsides.

A time of getting in deep with Him- fasting, prayer, study and worship. A time of releasing all distractions- of not going out with friends even when you reeeallly want to. A time of skipping that vacation you've been awaiting on scheduling, to have a time of vacation with Him instead.

It's time to go deeper. He's gonna tug on some of us, and quick obedience is so beautiful and crucial. A time of mature relationship with Him, where we don't make the same excuses and delay the same ways we usually do.

He's gonna establish that in our hearts and spirits, but whether we partner with Him on the process of putting our big panties on- is up to us lol.

A time to turn your phone off for a day or a few days. (Trust me, it can be done. We enjoy making excuses about how busy we are and how turning our phones off is not an option, but when the Creator of the Universe tells ya to? Honey, you got tiiiimmmeee lol. He wrote your story. And He knows what we may be into that shouldn't have our attention and time in the first place.)

God wants to continue to quarantine our schedules, our attention, our discipline, our devotion/commitment, our relationships and perspectives, our heart postures and way of moving/being.

He wants a people He can truly fulfill His will through ♥️

And that's gonna take more FaceTime with Him, than with them.

And trust me, we leave out of time with Him so much better, so more fulfilled, balanced, blessed and transformed than we would with our social groups.

Don't allow the economy opening up to be the closing down of your relationship and diligent time with God. He has a plan. Will we partner with the beautiful Most High on it?

It's far more exciting than Cheesecake Factory or Instagram.

Trust me, He's been blowing my mind lol.

Love yaaaalllll!!! And wow, the Lord does sooooo much more.

Will you let Him show you?

Psalm 91:1-2

Matthew 6:5-13

Prayer of Devotion

Father- God of our existence,

We ask You Lord that You fill us with Your Spirit. Devote us to You in sacredness, God.

Lay our idols to shame before our feet. Make nothing of the distractions that murderously keep us from You.

Set a standard and value in our hearts, Lord.

May we see just how crucial, how beautiful quality time with You is. How necessary it is, Abba.

You are the Living Bread. The Rivers of Living Water. They that come to You shall hunger no more. They that believe in You shall thirst no more. So Addonai, cause a deep hunger and thirst, a panting to be placed down on the inside of us that is only filled by You.

For there is not one thing upon this Earth besides Your Spirit that can satisfy our purpose- complete our wholeness. It is only You, Lord.

Validation of the world only lasts for but a vapor. Approval in achievements lasts for but a fraction. Attention from social groups passes and crashes like a wave. All men fail us at some point. But You, Lord- You are faithful. You are infallible. You are from everlasting to everlasting- the same yesterday, today and forever.

You are the Beginning and End.

The Author, Originator, Perfecter and Completor of all we are called to come into.

You prepare a table before us. May we delight in the honor of sitting in Your midst as You do so. May we seek ye first, Your Kingdom and its righteousness. Your precepts and Word. Your Grace and Character.

Humble us, Lord.

Take us as Yours.

We seek to ever honor You, ever praise You, ever be with You.

It is in Your name we ask these things and declare mightily throughout the heavens that they shall be done in Your power and authority. And in Your love.

Jesus. It is so.

Amen.

[shhhselah]

A Walk With the Lord

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

4:33pm

Did you know Dr. Seuss was anointed? No? 

Good. Cause me neither. 

As the Lord placed this word on my heart, I went searching through my “Tumblr” album (cause Tumblr got the best pictures lol) for what would be the cover photo for this entry. Suddenly, I came upon this poem saved in there- a poem that exactly articulated and encompassed the material of this walk with Christ we are called to- Sacrifice and Surrender.

During our time on this earth, we are called to be a different people. Which is good, right? Because we all seek to be different and have our unique novelty acknowledge, witnessed, understood and beheld. The beauty of this sort of difference, is that it shines a light on more than the edgy way you dress, risky hairstyles you rock, and bold, out loud way you live. It points to Christ- to a higher purpose and higher Being. This difference shows off the fact that you are a one of a kind creation, fashioned by an intentional, loving Creator who has a plan of love for you and those you encounter as well.

Now, let me not get too ahead of myself. I wanna touch on an important thing here, a thought train that legit keeps so many of my brothers and sisters stumbling-

“Kelah, I gotta get my life together first. I don’t want to come to God a mess. I ain’t ready to stop sinning and live like you yet. I need some time. God wouldn’t even want me how I am now...”

First off, lol. Yes, lol. I’m laughing, not to be crass or dismissive, but because- lemme tell you sumn, honey. The devil is a lie. Okay? A liiiieeeee.

Let’s take a moment and acknowledge every reason or excuse we have for side eyeing God but not really coming to Him, for putting off a relationship with Him, from answering the call we know He’s been ringing in our hearts for some years now. Look, God chose you before He created this world. That’s Bible.Note Ephesians 1: 4-5  “ For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He��predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will.” 

What does all that mean? It means that before those seven days of creation we read about in Genesis 1 (and part of 2 also), God already knew you! He already had each one of your days written, understood, etc! Lemme ask you as question, who knew Harry Potter’s path better- Harry or JK Rowling? The second one, right? Right. Why? Because she wrote it! So do you think annyyyy part of Harry’s journey took her by surprise? No! Because she’s the one who authored it! 

The beauty of creating- for those of you who write, make clothes, produce, act, cook, etc- you can start something and it take this beautiful path you hadn’t even originally anticipated, and it becomes so much better than you intended. And there’s a joy in witnessing this thing become something completely new and embark on a journey you hadn’t thought for it. As though its very existence within the circumstances of the plot, pot, etc calls and creates a story you didn’t originally know could exist. I personally love writing and getting to a point where I see my story or poem take a turn I hadn’t intended or anticipated! It’s so whimsical in how unexpected it was! 

The thing is though, God ain’t like that lol. He gets sooooooo much joy from watching our journeys unfold, but nothing takes Him by surprise. Nothing is outside of His control. He has given us free will and yet He still knows every decision we’ll make and every way the devil will try us, and He has worked all things together for good because He has called us according to His purpose and we love Him. Do you think JK Rowling was ever disappointed in the bad decisions Harry made? Not exactly. You know why? Because she created him. She fashioned him. She wrote him and all his characteristics. She knew and understood the world and circumstances he was going to be in. She knew what his pitfalls would be. But guess what? She wrote him a plan for victory despite it all. She knew what needed to be overcome in his world and in himself, so she strategically placed people, opportunities and lessons around him that worked for his good, the good of his world and towards the expected end/plan she already had for them all. 

News Flash, saints: God already has an expected end of victory and that victory was sealed on the Cross. He isn’t leaving your life up to chance, but there are things we must walk with Him to receive. He isn’t surprised or taken aback by where you are, what you’re doing and what you still like. He has a plan for you. Will you answer the call to allow Him to begin walking with you to unveil it?

Like when you were in school. If you wanted to learn Spanish, you had to take Spanish courses. In order to receive the things of the Lord, your life must be surrendered to Him. He must be the Lord of your life. Ask yourself now, “Who or what is the lord of my life right now?” Is it money, love, lust, ambition/greed, food? Are you the lord of your life? Do you only make decisions and discipline yourself on things you feel led to/want/understand, or are you being moved by the will and heart of Jesus Christ?

Okay, so, “surrendered.” What’s that about? Sounds super “churchy,” right? Lol. Not exactly. People often say they don’t agree with or like religion. And they shun the church because they associate it with such. I get it. I agree with the whole, “down with religion,” movement. So was Jesus, in fact. Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? In fact, Jesus spent most of His ministry outside of the synagogue (church) walls. Because He wasn’t so much concerned with the building and all its associated religious constructs, as He was with the building of the Body. The Body of Christ is the Church He was concerned with. When you think of a body, what comes to mind? Arms, legs, fingers, back, private areas, head, etc. Great. Those are functioning parts of a greater whole, combined and working together in a beautiful, complex way to achieve several goals that work towards the greater good/whole of keeping the body in full, healthy, smooth operation.

Jesus cared about the people of God working together like the bodies they maneuver everyday in. He was concerned with harmony, love, relationship.

And there it is. Jesus didn’t care for Religion. He cared about Relationship. He came, He taught, He lived perfectly, He died and He rose again to give us relationship with the Author and Creator of our lives- God. The Heavenly Father. And in that, He wanted us to understand that we are all brothers and sisters, friends, co-workers, co-heirs, body parts moving and functioning in/for the same goal.

What is that goal? The will of the Father, The advancement and growth of His Kingdom. Our being conformed to the image of Christ. And this is where surrender comes in. In confessing Jesus Christ as Lord at salvation and believing in your heart that He is the Son of God, come to give His life as the payment of all our sins that we may have relationship with our Heavenly Father, we are also confessing that He is the Head of our lives. He is described in Ephesians 4:15-16 as the Head of the body. He now becomes the CEO of our lives, and just as an employee who is obedient to the rules and role of their position under their company, supervisor and employer, so we are now answering the call to a life of obedience and adherence to the role as a child, believer and follower of God.

There are multiple verses, including Ephesians 4:17 that speak on how life will look different for us than it did before and also from those who have not yet heard or answered the call yet. Let me speak on this, because I know for many of us, we misconstrue relationship with God to mean religion and thereby categorize it all as “behavior modification.” This is not the case, darlings! Give me a moment to try and explain, please. I hope this makes sense to you and is fruitful. 

​It's not just that a commitment to the Lord requires a change in action- which, in fact, it kinda does- but in the way that it comes with it. If you decide to start working out, that naturally comes with adjustments to your lifestyle. It's not that beforehand, you began changing things about yourself to fit the role of a gym goer. No. Once it was in your heart that this was something you wanted for yourself and would commit to, naturally those changes and adjustments came. You had to add a new destination to your daily schedule. New clothes. Your day to day agenda was rearranged to accommodate this new action. You began stretching. Eating new foods to keep up and replenish nutrients. You maybe started counting calories to reach your weight goals. You began lifting weights, and you even began researching online videos and Facebook communities so you could surround yourself with like minded people. It's not that you read a book and watched other gym goers to figure out exactly how you had to change who you are/what you do. You made this commitment, and naturally, a necessary shift began to occur in the process and pursuit of this lifestyle. Because there are certain characteristics, disciplines, etc that develop and are practiced in a successful carrying out of this lifestyle, you naturally encountered and came into them along the path. And it's the same for Christianity. The Lord impresses His word on our hearts and beckons us to walk with Him and embark on a journey of being just like Him. And in that journey, trust me, saints- some things are going to change. It’s inevitable. And it's all counted good and joyous. Amen. What's else, is that many come into the faith under the impression and hope of what they can receive, not fully understanding that the life of Christ is what is given away. A life of giving oneself and their possessions, time, convenience, comfort, etc. up. Jesus told His apostles in Matthew 20:28 "For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many." (Click for additional cross reference xo) 

Jesus exemplified what the Christian (Christ-like) walk is- a life of offering, surrender and sacrifice. He told the multitudes that we must be ready to pick up our crosses, lose our lives and follow Him. (Matthew 16:24-27) In following our Savior's example, it is not just the question of what He can do for us- though He sets a precedent of being the only god that actually serves His creation as we see in Scripture and the life of Jesus Christ- but it’s also a matter of what we can do for Him- for His will, His people, His Kingdom. This life of Christianity (or we could even deem it “The life of Christ” or “The walk with Christ”) is not just one of being blessed with gifts, healing, renewed perspectives and immunity to life's battles as some think. It's so much more. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us that our lives are not our own, that they were bought with a price- the precious blood of Jesus Christ. That payment- the blood (which literally refers to His crucifixion and resurrection)- is a prime and ripe example of this lifestyle God set of giving yourself away. He told the apostles in John 10:18 "Nobody takes My life, but I give it (lay it down) freely (of My own accord)." In reading the Gospels (the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John but you can definitely start with John because his is a great foundation of Jesus’ life) you can see that Jesus lived a life of sacrificing convenience, comfort, desire, spitefulness, envy, road rage, violence, lying, lust, drunkenness, and so much more to surrender to the mission God assigned to Him that it may be successfully accomplished. And likewise, we are called to sacrifice things in life as a result of our surrendering (releasing self will to comply with the current standing authority) to the mission and call of the Lord on our lives. So in our pursuit of intimacy with Christ, let us seek opportunities to ask Him, "Lord, in what ways can I give myself away freely to You?" Not at a bargained price of "When You give me my man," or "When I make my first mill," or "When You do it, I'll fully believe then." But, in pureness of heart that only comes through the work of the Holy Spirit as we request His help in continually seeking to lay down all areas of our lives for the Lord to live in and control. May we ask Him in love, just as He chose us, planned for us, created us, and called us in love. And in that order too. He didn’t plan for you after your creation and birth. He planned for you the same time He chose you to be His. And He chose You to be His before He even created you and called you. He’s ahead of the game. Trust me. Let's endeavor to allow God to beautifully set us up to serve Him in a way that blesses our faith as it creates opportunities to see Him faithfully work. In ways that allow us to witness Him always come through/work all things for the good. Because He called us and we love Him. The beauty of our Savior, is that He enables us to love Him back through the love He dispenses in us - despite our human nature of a need for the physical and a need to fully understand/label things. 1 John 4:19, “We love Him because He first loved us.” He helps us to love beyond our humanity. Because we are certainly more than flesh and blood. We are spirit, made in His likeness. We have a beautiful Savior where "The goodness (kindness) of God leads you to repentance." Romans 2:4 He is not this hateful, angry God that is conspiring against you and raging whenever you mess up. No. He’s a loving Savior that came down from Eutopia to be despised, misunderstood, ridiculed, mobbed, arrested, beaten, bludgeoned, hated, spat on, nailed, whipped, hung, and tortured. All so that we could have a relationship with our Heavenly Father. Trust me, He understands more than what we’re going through and He wants to walk with us in all of it. He wants to and is going through all of it with us. Let Him in. Let Him serve you. And allow that service to make a servant out of you. His love is transforming. I promise. “Jesus, Name above all names, beautiful Savior, glorious Lord. Immanuel God is with us...”

Love you, saints, and so does Jesus. So, so much more He does.

XoXo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQWFzMvCfLE

Take a moment and Selah with this moment of worship. I hope you sweet intimacy with our wondrous Savior who calls us His dear, Beloved.

[shhhselah]

The Real Stuff of Faith: A Seat At the Table

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

12:30pm

​Let's Be Real:

Sometimes, faith sucks. It's hard. It's draining. It's frustrating. And it's BLIND. So with even that last point, that seemingly makes it superbly unnatural for us, let alone the other points, which just makes enduring it a little less than desirable at times....but check this out:

1 Corinthians 12:9 says that faith is a gift of the Holy Spirit; an activity of God who works all things. 

Faith....is an activity of God. A gift. Hm. 

So to break this down even further, that means that God has blessed us to participate in the work of His hands by sharing one of His pastimes with us. He has given us a seat at the table to play with Him. He is teaching us the rules and strengthening our skills. Because here's the crazy thing man: The enemy has more faith than most of us do. 

Naw. Let me say that again for the people in the back: 

THE DEVIL HIMSELF HAS MORE FAITH THAN YOU, ME, YA MAMA, YA GRANDMA (maybe, because that older generation KNEW what was good) AND YA BEST FRIEND. The devil has more faith than some of our PASTORS. 

And do you know why? Because he has witnessed, beheld and tried God up close and personal. He knows God. So he knows what God is capable of. So he has every bit of confidence that what God says- IS. Meaning, if God has set His mind to it, if He's spoken His word on it- it's done. 

Look at Hebrews 11:1, 3 "Now faith is the substance (realization, assurance) of things hoped for, the evidence (conviction, confidence) of things not seen. 3 By faith we understand that the worlds (ages, universe) were framed by the WORD of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible."

God never promised that your circumstances would make sense. He never promised that you'd be in the know and in full comprehension of what was going on every step of the way. He didn't. And we keep looking at the sky like He dropped the ball and breached the contract! He didn't! We falsely inserted promises and verses that weren't there because we desire a God that's going to make us comfortable at all times.

But listen, honey, God never promised eternal comfort while here on earth. No. He let us know that He has a work to do that would be done and that it would in fact be coupled with discomfort in the form or trial, tribulation, and suffering. He did promise though that if He called you according to that work/plan, and if you love Him, He'd work it all out for good. Beautiful ain't it? 

What does, doesn't, did and didn't make sense, will be and is a masterpiece that you can't see yet. He is zooming out on the bigger picture stroke by stroke, day by day, revelation by revelation. And as He shows you more, connections will be seen and understanding will come. But walk with Him throughout life. Every moment is an occasion to just be with Him, get acquainted with Him and grow an intimacy that leaves you at ease when things don't make sense for months and miles to come. 

Hebrews 11:6 says this, "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him."

That word Diligence. That's key if you ask me. What is diligence? The book of Hebrews was written in the Hebraic language, so I looked up its definition in that tongue- 

"Interestedly and perseveringly attentive; steady and earnest in application to a subject or pursuit; assiduous; industrious. Prosecuted with careful attention and effort; careful; painstaking; not careless or negligent."

Interestedly and persevereingly attentive. Painstaking.....Hm. That second phrase reminds me of what it was like to try to register for a class once the deadline had passed, or trying to convince my parents of a trip they should let me go on when I was younger. Both were frustrating. 

You've experienced one or the other. Put yourself back in those shoes- 

Walking up that hill to the A Building TIME AND TIME AGAIN, then back to your major's building because they ping ponged you around with all their miscommunication. You missed classes you needed to attend, you missed lunch, you missed hangouts, you missed out on NAPS because day after day, ALL DAY, you were determined in your pursuit of getting this problem handled. Even when it seemed impossible and got so frustrating you could cry. 

And with that parent? 

You would debate and debate and debate. You'd persist though Nos kept coming. You'd come up with new perspectives and arguments. You'd call friends for their help and probably put their parents on the phone with yours for extra back up! You'd try to no end, even when you were ready to give up. Even after you had stomped away or slammed your door- angry and defeated. You still came back for more until you got that yes. Until you got that class. 

Diligence- Persistence. Despite. Everything. And it’s not all up to you either. It is an activity of God, remember? So therefore, He’s going to work in out in you. But will you participate with Him? Will you continue to fight on and let Him lead you? Or will you bulk and stop because your circumstances are just too tiring or discouraging? Because your attitude is too high? Because you don’t understand why you have to go through this specific thing? Why He “allowed” it to happen? Are you going to press on and trust that He knows your breaking point? Are you going to believe Him when He says His grace is sufficient and that His strength is ever perfected in the spaces of your weaknesses? Are you going to rely on the fact that He’s been had your solution created and scheduled for delivery long before you even entered the circumstances that required one?

Look, darling, faith is a language- the vernacular of God. And Diligence is like the accent. All languages have an accent, right? Think of trying to speak French and Spanish in your American accent, with your American pronunciation of letters. It doesn't work. It's awkward and it either turns words incomprehensible or makes them into another word in the language you didn't mean. It stifles the conversation. But when you practice it, when you work at it, when you apply the correct pronunciation- suddenly, conversation is smooth and you sound less like a foreigner and more like a native. 

God has made us a part of His family. And He is trying to intimately teach us that family's language- Faith. He doesn't want us sounding like a foreigner or feeling like a foreigner in our own home as we walk through life, where we're awkward, uncomfortable, unsteady, self conscious, insecure, confused and missing out. As though living life in a foreign country forever where all you have ever picked up, is snatches of the language to be able to participate. He wants us to feel like a native- comfortable, confident, secure, at ease. He wants us in the conversations, joining in on the jokes, volunteering first for the activities. 

Diligence is the perfected accent of a native. When despite what happens, we continually seek and move to trust in God. We are determined for that result and know that it will come despite what our circumstances say because we believe in His word, the power of His promises.

Remember how Hebrews 11:6 said that we must believe that He EXISTS? Well, we have to believe that His existence isn't all there is to it. It's not just that He exists, but He longs to be with us, work with us, grow us. He wants us to have more of a say in our conversations with Him than the devil does. Because let's face it, it's not God encouraging us to continue speaking that-  "I can't do it. I'll never make it. I'm not enough. The finances are never going to work out. I'm going to struggle all my life. I'm not going to have a job. Nobody will ever love me. I'm not beautiful. I'm not important. I can't make a difference. God hates me. God is disappointed in me. God is angry at me. He wants to punish me. Lemme stay away from God right now. He doesn't want anything to do with me." 

......Uhhhhhhh, who do you think is talking in those moments? Jesus? Uhhh, no. That's the devil, baby. He's playing with your mind. He's playing with your hope. He's playing with your confidence. And he's throwing dirt on your name. He's throwing mud on your identity. None of that lines up with the Word of God. Check your receipts, honey boo. Read that Bible and fact check that boo boo devil cause he's a LIAR. 

John 8:44 says this, "You are of your father the devil....and [he] does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it."

God wants to speak His language with us- Truth. And Faith is truth. Because Faith is believing not that God exists, but that He is who He says He is. 

So, God is telling us that He gave us a gift, that He is continually strengthening, stretching and working out in us. He is our Tutor of Faith. A tutor works more intimately than a teacher. A tutor works during and after hours to work closely with the strengths, weaknesses and workload of the one in need. They provide exercises, employ new methods, shed new/more in depth perspective and work around the unique disposition of the child or adult at work. 

God is tutoring us in faith through our circumstances, through prayer, through relationships, etc. He never promised we'd understand it all at hindsight. He never promised it'd make sense or even be visible every step of the way. He just promised that if He's called you, and if you love Him, it'd all work out for good, remember? 

Here's some encouragement from one of my favorite verses that basically says, "It doesn't have to make sense for it to work out.”

Romans 8:24-25 "For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance." Keep on hoping. Be diligent in your hope. It's time to sharpen that native language. After all, the Bible says the tongue is a sword. So will you wield it against yourself, God's plan and His relationship with you/your seat at the table, or will you wield it against the lies and very existence of the enemy? 

As the old 90s song goes- The Choice is Yours. 

[shhhselah]

What A Wonderful Life...

​Friday, May 17, 2019

2:35pm

​​"What an interesting life you've caught me in the middle of...."

I caught myself saying this out loud a few weeks ago. That date overhead to be exact.

Life is such a journey. Such a process.

Constantly, we're growing, changing, evolving- never really staying in one spot or settling into one modus operandi. Have you ever heard the phrase, "A master piece and work in progress?" That's truly a concept I feel slips the mind of so many. Even ourselves. We know that we're changing and adjusting, but, honestly, we don't always agree with, like or desire the change we find ourselves going through. Sometimes that change alters us physically, and it may not always be flattering or pleasing.

And other times, we witness emotional, mental and spiritual transformations that either excite us, or frighten us. I've experienced this. We all have. (And actually, correction- I ​​am experiencing this. A season that rattles me because I don't recognize my spiritual surroundings.)

We all have those moments where you take stock of who you are versus who you used to be and find yourself to be a current stranger to the you once known. A stranger in your own body, a foreigner in your own thoughts.

​​When did I get so defensive? When did I become so broken? Why did I stop trusting, smiling, opening up? When did I stop talking, believing, hoping? How did I stop loving? When did I stop truly ​​living? What happened.... to "me?"

And you know what can be so damaging and yet helpful all at once? ​​M e m o r i e s.

See, while it's good to recall memories, it's so harmful to ​​harp on them. We were made to live in the present, it's why our breath comes and goes so steadily instead of staying behind in one spot that we have to consistently travel backwards to in order to reach. We were designed to live in the moment.

Those memories are a blessing. They're an opportunity to view and learn from every present you've ever found yourself in, every gift you've gotten to live in- so that you can walk a little straighter, wiser and freer in the next....but the moment you start harping on those past presents, you neglect all the undivided attention this current one requires. And you live in a duality that brings both anxiousness and confusion.

You bring a nasty case of comparison into the mix. We tend to split our time between nostalgia, trauma, reality and delusions of grandeur. Past. Present. Future.

The both good and bad times of the past, the ever steady action of the present and the unknown possibilities of the future. We live in them all and somehow expect our present selves to maintain order and a standard of satisfactory being that appeases each viewpoint.

Let me set you free here and now-

You will ​​never be completely like your old self- you've gone through too much. So much more than that self of even ​​days ago has experienced. I'm starting to learn and accept that, but it's hard for me on some days when I liked the old version better. What gives me hope, is knowing that God has a greater design for me that He didn't leave in the past, but lays peacefully in every step forward I take. If the past were better, I'd be there. But it's not. There was something there that was still obsolete, untapped and lacking.

What's more, you will ​​never be like your future self- they've witnessed more than the present can presently tell you. Secrets that God has purposed only time to hold.

And understand, your present self is constantly being prepared for the future and shaped by the past. They're under a lot of work. But that work is null in void if you don't allow them to soak up every moment they're in so they can pull something from it and be molded by it.

​​What an interesting life you've caught me in....

Who we're used to being and used to being known as, isn't going to always be the truth of who we are and will be. So set yourself free to forever be a work in progress and masterpiece all at once.

Set yourself free to live life and experience life as it comes. If the day is unpredictable, why can't your growth process be? Don't set restrictions on yourself. Live. What's meant will come and happen, because you have a sovereign God who always starts what He finishes (​​Isaiah 46:9-11). And He calls you His workmanship, His clay, His skillfully and wonderfully made creation in whom He delights.

Trust me, He has an attention to detail and His attention is all yours. You're worth it, and truly, He loves it. So be free, and live in the beautiful, yet startling vulnerability of being creation, where you don't have to constantly create yourself- forever loved and governed by Almighty above.

"12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything (in any point) you think otherwise (differently), God will reveal that (make it clear) also to you. 16 Only let us hold true (live up to) to what we have (already) attained."

Philippians 3:12-16

Don't ever feel like you have something to prove. What God has put in you is intrinsic. The areas you walk into were made to build you, be a catalyst that sparks your nature and be a field in which to practice, hone and shine in who you are. You were created for those places.

Your only job is to BE. God will continue to sculpt exactly what that "being" looks like at any given moment, whether seemingly good, bad, ugly or pleasing. That's a part of Surrender- ​​ceasing resistance, submitting to an authority greater than your own, to give up possession of, to deliver up."

Give up your ideas of what you should do, who you should be, and where you should be. It's an act harder done than said, but it's a journey that is best walked with the Creator- who has all the finer details etched out and all the possibilities accounted for- purposing each one for good. (​​Psalm 37:23, Proverbs 16:9, Romans 8:28)

Do you know the difference between Evidence and Proof?

Proof is a biased concept. It seeks to discount one thing and support another.

Evidence is objective. It has no agenda. It is simply there, and its presence tells a story.

The story of God's existence is in the evidence of creation- our world. He tells us this in ​​Romans 1:19-20.

Trees, animals, the ocean, the wind, birds, bees, flowers, and even our complex DNA, they have never moved to prove anything. They simply exist and operate in their nature, and have been a consistent testimony to something greater.

We have sought for years to understand their origin and complexity, ​​our origin and complexity. They derive from the same Caretaker who clothes the fields of grass and feeds the birds of the sky.

​​"25 'Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.'"

​​Matthew 6:25-34

You will always feel behind and be behind when you have something to prove.

God is always with us. In every moment. Living in the past or future holds no meaning, it's a trick of the enemy that keeps us between condemnation and striving desperately and futilely beyond grace.

​​"8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

​​Ephesians 2:8-10

I've had a habit of pointing to the past to remind God of where I can't go again or where I was better off. I also have a habit (which was the entirety of my 2018), where I take the snippets of what God has shown me He has for me, and I drag Him around and try to drill Him like a sergeant to get me there. The year was saturated with impatience, exhaustion, resentment, bitterness, envy, confusion and hurt.

This life is not yours when you're in Christ. It's His. ​​​​Galatians 2:20 ​​tells us that,

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

And in being His, there are plans, achievements, dreams, timings, and revelations that He's taken on the responsibility to deliver and create. This is not yours to carry.

Why carry something on your own that God told you He'd do Himself? If He put it on your heart, it's for Him to do, not you. Why try to do God's job and be Him? How futile. We fail and stall out when we attempt to take His plans, make them our own and go running off with them.

There is a partnership called Faith. That leads us to Obedience. But we can't obey who we do not serve or even acknowledge. When striving in our own efforts, understandings, assumptions and desires, when do we have time and room to consult the One who prepared our good works ahead of time?

Stay steady with Him in the now. His grace has covered your entire timeline, but reap the benefits of the fresh mercies He purposed for this moment.

​​"22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

   his mercies never come to an end;

23 they are new every morning;

   great is your faithfulness."

​​Lamentations 3:22-23

Don't try to run ahead. Take it from me, it leaves you bitter and worn.

Be spoiled by the God who has already completed the works.

​​"9 Remember the former things of old,

For I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like Me,

10 Declaring the end from the beginning,

And from ancient times things that are not yet done,

Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,

And I will do all My pleasure,’

11 Calling a bird of prey from the east,

The man who executes My counsel, from a far country.

Indeed I have spoken it;

I will also bring it to pass.

I have purposed it;

I will also do it."

​​Isaiah 46:9-11

Prove nothing and never strive . Like evidence, just be, and watch yourself ever unfold on this journey of life as God unravels all the beautiful secrets He's placed down on the inside of you, tucked neatly away in the timeline of your path.

Time to be set free, darlings.

Live. Presently.

[shhhselah]

The “Pitch Perfect” Samples

Pitch 1- An article on current movies and TV shows that are breaking the common stereotypes surrounding the roles of women, mothers, and wives and its impact on our children

Good Girls & Bad Moms, What is the Feminist Freedom Dialogue These Movies Are Inspiring in Our Next Generation's Mothers?

The Netflix Original, Good Girls and the blockbuster comedy Bad Moms, are a hit with the female demographic? Why? Because in a climate wrought with the stench of chauvinism, women are screaming louder from the rooftops that they deserve more, are capable of more and are demanding more. These two productions are taking the term "housewife," and completely changing the paradigm of docile women who live to cook and clean. Oh no, these women cuss, they commit crime, they have sex on tables with their daughter's friend's father, and they still make sure all the kids are in bed by bedtime if they haven't ordered their husbands to do it already. The coming generation is witnessing consistent images of strong, self-made, highly opinionated women who will not allow men to walk over on them, cheat on them, or look down on them. These women are carrying the flag of a new era, and the children- who are our future- are watching it all in real time and convenient playback.

https://www.avclub.com/good-girls-did-a-bad-bad-thing-in-a-network-appropria-1823350805

https://www.vulture.com/2018/02/good-girls-review.html

Pitch 2- An opinion piece that looks at the rise of Disney Classic Remakes and comments on whether this indicates a fall of originality in Hollywood

“Not Another Disney Movie”

Okay look, y’all, I adore- no, you don’t hear me, adore- Disney movies. I still listen to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” from Mulan, and “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King,” from the Lion King. Honestly, I should have a playlist, because I still watch and listen to all those childhood musicals and songs. However, am I the only one a little perturbed at all the remakes? Is anybody else alarmed at the fact that they’ve decided to not only remaster the old cartoon versions, but actually remake them into live action versions? I’m afraid Hollywood is running out of ideas and it’s time to call this thing out and nip it in the bud. I want something I haven’t watched a thousand times and don’t know all the words too. Something I won’t be bitter about when they take out my favorite songs and lines from the original. Uh uh, Hollywood. Stop it.

 Pitch 3- An article discussing the shift from real-time viewership to DVR/Web-stream catch ups

“Hey Girl, You Seeing This Right Now?”

Remember when DVR was called TVO and nearly none of us had it and we had to catch our favorite shows when they aired or await for the re-runs? I do. It was either see the new episode of That’s So Raven at 9pm when it aired, stay up until 2am to watch the rerun, or wait until Disney put it back in the schedule for the next day or the day after. Don’t even get me started on our parents’ struggle of when TV actually went off for the night. I shudder at the thought. Seriously though, when do most of us make time to sit and watch a TV show when it actually airs? Unless we’re attending a watch party or are watching it solo without friends/family members, it seems that most of us rely on trusty ole’ DVR and stream apps. I wonder what it’s like for Nielsen and other rating reviewers to watch live viewership go down. But I also wonder if the issue is as drastic as I believe. Having just come from college, I can definitely attest to a demographic that relies on phones, laptops, and Twitter for their catch-up efforts. One of these days, I’d like to have my whole family sitting down and ready for the on-air release of Manifest’s next juicy episode. There’s something so exciting about knowing millions of other families are in awe at the same time as you. But there’s also a beauty in endless binging on DVR after falling behind in the season. Hmmm, what do you think?

Pitch 4- In this article, while reviewing and going through movies like Escape Room and The Belko Experiment, I'll also be commenting on the sinister work at play that these movies may be revealing- a black market of Psychology.

"Insidious Escape Rooms and Sinister Experiments"

Imma hurt you, AND yo mama!" Ever heard that before? Yeah, it just does something to you; it breaks street code. It's the sure fire way to get under someone's skin. It's okay to talk about me, but my mama too? All bets are off then. And it is exactly this mind frame that's entered into the cinematic telling of Psychology and its ambitions in understanding the human psyche. It's what's produced movies like Escape Room and The Belko Experiment- movies that are centered around merciless masterminds who abandon the moral codes and bylaws of psychological study to produce unhindered results. Have you all seen the movies Escape Room and The Belko Experiement? Ouch. Well I guess I'll have to rip the band aid off and ruin both of them for you. These two movies, as we reach their end, reveal to us the sinister play behind the whole plot- Psychology. But not just any Psychology- the new kind, the kind that abandons the legal and moral rules this study is founded on in attempts to understand humans in a real, raw way that is not restricted or limited. In both movies, there are masterminds that have created these sick and twisted Hunger Games where players have to kill each other or solve riddles and find clues that will pick them off one by one. Only the "strongest" will survive. And you know, I can’t help but leave these movies disturbed. My father always told me, “If they’re making a movie about it, it’s because it’s already happening.” That falls in tune with the sentiment of “Art imitates Life.” But…..what if the age old argument that Art also does imitate Life is just as true? Then either way, there is something extremely unsettling going on in places that are just up under our noses.

In Escape Room, we witness how at the end, the characters who “lost” are all given credible newspaper stories on their reasons for death, such as a bad hiking accident or overdose and heart attack. The bodies were planted and the newspapers were roped in. We even see plans unfold to trap the main characters in what should be a regular airline flight. So now, these people can get control of our air travel as well. I don’t know about you all, but these kinds of movies aren’t scary for their screen time, but rather their revealing of what’s at work just behind the scenes of our normal lives.

[shhhselah]

Issa Snack

I’m a fan of the classics.

That’s right.

Give me a day off with no responsibilities, endless channel listings, and snacks to soothe my snarling munchies, and I’m good.

What’s on the menu, might you ask? Well, if you must know, I plan on cooking up season 3 of Martin while getting down on season 2 of Living Single. Give me an extra platter of all the seasons of The Bernie Mac Show that actually include the “Who you wit!” in the theme song, and pair that with some Fresh Prince of Bel Air, A Different World, and The Cosby Show for dessert. And stop right there, yes. To answer your question, I’m still going to watch a good re-run of Cliff Huxtable’s antics when they come on. *sips my lemon water*

However, though I love a good nostalgia marathon that never gets old, I do love me some Netflix and chilling. Slap me the remote so I can put on Good Girls, and turn the laptop my way so I can catch Solomon’s Perjury, GLOW, or Meteor Garden, and we’re good to go! Side-note: I suggest you go look up those shows now and add them to your list. Mama Cash is here to add a little bit of crime, culture, and 80s slay to your life. Thank me later.

As I was saying though, Netflix is like the juke joint that I keep putting in quarters to replay. Get with the times, people! If you don’t have an account, it’s time to steal ya bestie’s password and start lunching on Good Girls. For those of you who don’t know the premise, it follows three suburban mothers who are just trying to do their job to provide for their families and keep their homes in order, until desperation forces them to take drastic measures for income. These good, seemingly innocent moms begin to lead a double life as crooks with the drug lord of their city.

Get in on it! We got Retta from Parks & Recreation, Mae Whitman from The Duff, and Christina freaking Hendricks of Mad Men.

Not convinced yet? Well the man who turns these ladies’ lives upside down has an accent and voice like Quincy from Star and it is lethal, honey. Thick, New York coated and mm mm mm scrumptious. Season 1 is up and binge-worthy. Y’all better get you some before it’s too late, okrr? I’ll see you for the watch party. Ski masks are encouraged.

Until next time, folks, keep munching on the best that TV and streaming have to offer. 

Check, please!

[shhhselah]

A Fool for Love

Earth Angel, Earth Angel, please be mine? My darling dear, love you for all time. I’m just a fool, a fool in love with you.

            Love. The big four letter bomb that we all fear and adore, cherish and run from, idolize and chase, block and despise, and yet, through all this, can’t get away from. This concept or lack thereof has been at the center of life as we know it for all time. Love is the reason we move, or the reason we stay- it’s the reason we face or shun another day. Love is this intricate, complex, simple, basic thing that we can never seem to fully understand. It has levels, motivations, forms, shapes, colors, gods, everything encompassed into this one thing. And with all that, is the very argument of having love versus being in love.

            What’s the difference? For most it’s an overrated discussion, just another endless debate like the OJ Simpson case. I heard one boy say in class, “Well I love my Mama, but I’m not in love with her.” Though I laughed, there’s a valid point to what he was saying. He described the dynamics and versatility of relationships. He entered the factor of romance into the equation. For this boy, being in love, requires a feeling of romanticism, of intimacy. I believe many would come to this conclusion. Love can encompass so many people and things. We love our devices, our friends, our families, our clothes, our TV shows, top songs, blogs, etc. There are levels to love. There’s infatuation, idolatry, lust, friendship, intimacy, vulnerability.

            We can be infatuated with our favorite R&B singers, infatuated with our pets. There’s idolatry in the religion and the fanaticism of our favorite TV show actors/actresses. There’s lust shared between strangers. Then there’s the love achieved in friendships and familial relationships. This love is platonic, it’s selfish in a lot of ways. This dynamic tends to be centered on what we can do for one another, a give and take outset. In a familial dynamic, sometimes the love is forced. “We have to be cool because we’re blood, but there’s nothing else we have to say to each other.” This platonic love can sometimes be easily broken. In some cases, it’s the stepping stone to being in love. We must first know what it is to grow together, trust one another, know one another, accept one another and love one another before we can go on to the stage of actually being in love. This form of intimacy is the basis of Love.

            Loving someone doesn’t necessarily equate to romance. Love is built, and in friendships/relationships, you spend your every interaction building the intimacy of having a close, trustworthy companion. You build memories, inside jokes, languages, trust, respect, communication, etc. Trust is at the center of all loves, even the basic levels. I trust you to- keep my attention, make me happy, be there for me, respect me, please me, open up to me, entertain me, preoccupy me, grow me, and everything in between.

           In all these forms, certain aspects transfer over in what it is to be in love. There’s a selflessness in it, a foundation of trust that your needs will be met or be attempted in being met, but an even greater desire is present to make sure the other’s needs are met. Being in love is a built vulnerability, a contract where the lines dividing you all that were once constructed seem to blur. It’s a falling that has no brakes. Just as effortlessly as it is to fall though, it can be just as effortless to crash, to break everything that was built. Falling out of love is a real thing. There’s no more of you that is completely engulfed by your partner, but a startling realization that you are/need to remain emotionally, mentally and spiritually disconnected. Because of the foundation previously built- once the outer layer of that romantic euphoria and the unconditional acceptance peels away- and after all the hurt has dissipated, you are left with the platonic love that once upon a time ago, began with the building of true companionship. Whether in or out of love, Love is still there in the aftermath- just in a different form. Those blurred lines clear again, the falling crashes to the ground and plateaus, the dream-like state of reality cools the senses. The thought of a forever becomes once more the reality of temporary things. Falling out of love is possible. If you go in a door, you must be able to leave out of it too. The door is Love. You can open the possibilities it holds, walk or run in, stand in the middle of it, turn your back to it, or walk away and out of it. But there will always be another door, another opportunity to walk in, or in some cases, get pushed into falling.

[shhhselah]

Listen Up &

Look baby,

Life is hard stuff, tough nails and a little bit of cotton candy. Forgive me for the blunt introduction of this cold reality. At the end of the day though, sometimes, that’s just what it is. As August Wilson wrote in his play Fences, you gotta learn “to take the crookeds with the straights.” This walk of Life will take you through loops, spins, curls, dead ends and ditches, but you gotta learn to dust your knees off and keep right on stepping, you hear me?

Fold your clothes and put them up after you’ve washed em, don’t just leave them around and encourage your procrastination. It ain’t nothing but clutter, and a messy room is a messy mind. Wash the dishes diligently, even if it takes you three hours at first. You’ll get better, but everything in this world takes time. Don’t get all frustrated when you don’t finish when ya think ya should. Just be patient and keep at it, it’ll all come together at the right time.

Now that we mention it. Remember one thing and maybe you’ll be more at peace than I was growing up and getting older- Time ain’t Yours. It belongs to Him. God. He controls it, He runs it, He turns it, He stops it. He’ll fast forward and rewind for you if He desires to- if it’s in yours or someone else’s best interest. But don’t go praying for an extended deadline to put off your dirty laundry. Be proactive, get off your lazy butt and make something of yourself.

If you’re wise, you’ll use time praying for how to use time. Maybe when you’re older, you’ll understand that.

baby.

Go pick up a book and learn something. I don’t mean one of those text books or thesauruses-that too- but just any book. If you pick one up and it starts with “His breath stank like a sack of old potatoes,” then there. You learned old potatoes stink. Wasn’t hard was it? Children always try to make learning and handling their business such a chore, but lemme tell you- if you don’t wash your clothes when you should, you gone be fresh outta stuff to wear.

Be gentle with yourself and others. Some people are hard and stiff like an old forgotten sweater that ain’t dry right, stuffed in the back corner of your closet. It ain’t their fault though. How you gone blame the sweater for falling and getting crushed up? No baby. Some people just end up off their hangers and in positions they can’t explain. Them creases never do leave sometimes, it takes serious care and attention. If you ain’t up for ironing them out, it’s best you just toss your attachments and hand the job off to the next Joe. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Go on to school and soak everything up. The classes, the people, the sights and sounds; those are your soap and water. What do you think you are baby? Oo, I know you bet not say the dishes either, cause I ain’t raise no dirty plate. You gotta know when to wring the excess out though. You understand me? You can’t soak up everything baby. Sometimes ya gotta hang yaself up and let the next rag have a swipe. You’ll know when it’s time to throw in that towel though; God will let you know. Keep in contact with Him and He’ll make sure you never dry out, drown or get dropped and forgotten.

Now trust me baby, He done kept ya mama here long enough to tell you some sages of the ages. And if you’re reading this and don’t understand that it wasn’t all about just dishes and dirty laundry, you bet not ask about it, cause either you or yo daddy getting they behinds beat for rifling through my things. Ya little nosy behind not even supposed to see this yet. But then again, that’s my timing- not God’s.

See what He did there?

-An ode to "Girl," by Jamaica Kincaid

[shhhselah]

Beast Baltimore

I saw bullets rip through the faces of adolescents. –

                                   D. Watkins The Cook Up: A Crack Memoir

 I saw crime scenes and devastation while sitting in my seat. I felt grief and anger from the comfort of my bedroom. I traveled a whole city and never left my room. I witnessed the Beast, and I’ll never be the same. Not after reading D. Watkins’ The Cook Up: A Crack Memoir. He painted indelible pictures, crafting his words in scenes that would resonate off the pages for ages to come. He created characters we all knew, people we had all encountered and maybe even lost. The language spoke to us as we spoke back to it, calling us to remember our adolescence and even, our very present. The protagonist we come to know isn’t just the one whose thoughts we read, but whose streets we walk. D. Watkins took us to the Beast and allowed it to enfold us as we sank deeper and deeper with each turn of the page.

           With his words, he drew us into a world we couldn’t deny, evoking memories from the patchwork of our past-whether for better “I need something that’s like Coming to America, you feel me?” (Watkins 83) or worse “East Baltimore is a gun range, so I always heard shots.” (Watkins 3) The dialogue forced me to reminisce on the place that raised me and burned itself into the cadence of my voice- “’Yerooooooo,’ was our signal for the cops. ‘One time yeroooo!’” (Watkins 64). I suddenly heard the boys of my own neighborhood calling out as the passing girls girls rolled their eyes. I felt like I was walking the streets of home or in the hallways back in high school all over again, “Calm down, boy, we getting’ money, our shit fold. They money jingle!” (Watkins 68). The spoken images shaped canvases of our minds, the words leaving masterpieces behind, “Fire should’ve sparked out of his Nikes the way he jetted down the alley.” (Watkins 74)

           One thing our protagonist shows us, is that this isn’t the story with the happy ending; life just doesn’t fall into place in that way. We wanted to mourn, and sometimes we could, but other times, we were forced to live the same reality as him- dreams fade and people die; accept that and move on because, “The minute you try to connect with the pain of the community in general will be the same minute that the beast will chew you up, and spit you out too. The beast allows you to be content with the idea of being buried before your mom and grandma.” (Watkins 69) The Beast isn’t a fairytale from Disney; it’s an animal “-not the kind you pet and love, but the one that would rip your head off and piss down your throat,” (Watkins 69). Nobody leaves the story unscathed, “This is east Baltimore and everybody will get a chance to be in a fucked up situation…The beast will guarantee that” (Watkins 79), and that’s the story we read, the protagonist we follow.

           As I read, 2pac’s Changes rang through my head, its lyrics saturating the story woven before us as we follow Dee, living in this world with him. His acceptance of how things are, “He really looked up to me, I could tell. But they don’t really give out compliments where I’m from; you have to maintain a sense of arrogance,” (Watkins 85) and his lack of regret, “I got used to it and it became my life…We polluted the block. We were responsible for the traffic, the tragedies and the pain” (Watkins 79) show an acceptance of the way things are where he’s from. We followed the seasoned steps of someone who felt no self-pity or remorse, “Your mother can’t protect you from it; mine tried but I still was presented with a chance to make my own choice like everybody else. Bodies always fell and fat mothers, fat grandmothers, and fatter aunts always hit the scene screaming and yelling, ‘WHYYY!’ up to God. God never really answers them back but if God were to answer, the response would probably be something like, ‘Cuz that’s just how it is!’” (Watkins 79). It’s as haunting as it is relatable. It’s a comical story that reminds us the world is a toss-up, and when you’re betting on one side of the coin, somebody’s gotta lose. That’s just the way it is when you’re living in the Beast.

[shhhselah]

Prayer Requests Update

Monday, January 21, 2019

7:43pm

I really want you all to take in these pictures, okay? 

What comes to mind? Awe? A desire to travel? Peace? Wonder?

I’ll tell you what comes to mine: God.

Only God could paint something so breathtakingly, chest crushingly astounding.

So, as I write, I desperately need you all to remember these pictures and the Artist behind them. (And sorry, I don’t know the photographer! Just the Creator <3)

A couple of days ago, I put up a post on Facebook for prayer requests. I was super excited to be able to come to the King and war on behalf of my family, friends and even strangers for whatever they were seeking. Honestly, as the answers came in, I was amazed. Amazed that nearly every person was asking for the same three things- Discipline, Clarity and Mental Health.

On the surface, those first two seem like a beautiful thing while the last one seems devastating. “How lovely that the people want to be more dutiful in their walk with the Lord! Amazing that they want His clarity and guidance! Ugh, but how tragic that mental health issues and that dag on stress and anxiety are running rampant. The devil really is at work these days smh.” I can hear the church folk now. 

But in all actuality, all three of these requests are heartbreaking and a cause for righteous fury against the enemy. And it is on this post- where I am positive that more people than the ones who asked for prayer need this- that I will break it all down. First, is Discipline.

Discipline

All 2018, I thought that I had avoided the “Hustle & Grind” movement, where you bust your butt tirelessly to get where you want in life. I had a plan: Ask God and wait for the answer. Period. Lol. Buuuuuuuttttt, that didn’t really work. And what He showed me on today was that, while in the natural I wasn’t busting my butt, in the spiritual, I absolutely was. I was carrying my salvation on my back and legitimately being my own task master. I would constantly berate myself, just infuriated and disappointed with my slow progress or lack of progress. 

It seemed like for as much as I grew, I really wasn’t going anywhere. The bar always got pushed back and the expectations always piled on. It seemed like I could just never catch up or do/be enough. I was always lacking, always inadequate. In my eyes, I was never bold enough, holy enough, talented enough, disciplined enough, grateful enough, patient enough, confident enough, beautiful enough, wise enough, anointed enough, educated enough and the list goes freaking on. I spent all year riding myself into a better Kelah, reminding God what He said and showed me about myself and how in comparison, the present me was horrifically lacking. So I would tap my foot and my imaginary watch to remind God that we needed to pick up the pace if I was ever gonna be and do, what He made me to be and do.

That folks, was the devil.

Yep. Simple and clean. Let’s think about this. Why would anyone be asking for discipline? Because their current modus operandi isn’t up to their liking. They’ve taken inventory and felt that something isn’t working or adding up. Like me, I constantly felt like I was lacking, so I deduced that I needed to do more and be more. But why? Why did I feel that way? Because I felt inadequate, so it made me frustrated, resentful, bitter, guilty, ashamed and insecure. Let me make this clear, guys: Those feelings are not of God. They are of the devil. God would never make us or encourage us to feel this way. God is not the God of, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” He killed shame on the Cross.

So, if you’ve felt any of those things in your walk with God or in your pursuit of a better you, that feeling is satanic and not healthy, not heavenly and not conducive. 

The Lord told me this about Discipline, that this is His is the Lord’s word for those working on their relationship with Him: In this year, I am going to be the reason and power, the motivation and movement behind your discipline. I will be the force driving your actions. No longer will you feel the need to rely solely on your own will power and strength. I am going to reveal Myself to you, show you who I am and teach you through experience and time, the joy of My company. I will be your Best Friend. I will be your Teacher and Guide. I will be your Mentor. I will keep you and love you like a Parent. I will hold you down and stand by you like a Ride or Die. I will lavish you and treat you like a significant other. I will chill out and vibe with you like a sibling or roommate. I will be near to you always. I will be available to you always. And from the sheer knowledge of who I am and the taste of the times we share together, will a greater desire to be in My company arise. 

1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us.” Without Me, you cannot  love Me or anything else. So what makes you think that apart from Me, you can do anything else? John 15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.” Apart from Me, you can do nothing. Apart from Me, you don’t have the ability to produce the sort of discipline I’ve built in you. Separate from Me, you cannot produce the gifts and skills I’ve placed inside of you. Without Me, you can’t operate at the level that I desire of you. Outside of Me, you cannot be pleasing to Me. So use Me. I’m here. Everything you need, I have and will supply. All the desire to love Me, I’ll give it. The ability and attention span to study My Word and stay awake in church- I have it. The interest in learning about Me- I’ll pour it out. Just come to Me and ask. And I’ll take you on the ride of a lifetime- but you must do it with Me. Amen.

I learned this the hard way. I got so exhausted with my efforts, I legitimately became infuriated with God and stopped talking to Him. I stopped watching sermons, stopped reading the Bible, stopped praying, stopped thanking Him when I woke up, just went on with my day, purposefully giving Him my shoulder. Upset that I was upset with Him, but upset nonetheless. For weeks it steadily declined to that point. What was really crazy though, was that He never intended for me- or any of us- to get to that point! He never asked us to try to be star students for Him. He never wanted us to carry our salvation on our backs and try to live godly lives going off of our own strength and understanding of what He wants and how we should act and what we should do. 

This is the season of God ending your reign as god over your life and allowing you to witness the ease of grace when He is properly given the position. No more of your expectations, your rules, your righteousness, your efforts, your understanding/interpretations, your legalism, your religiousness, your motivations, your strengths, your desires, and your logic and timing. This time around, we’re doing it His way. No more trying to assert and insert yourself. Just let God be God and do the work. 

Hebrews 4:1-11 talks about entering the rest of God. Our journey with Him is into rest. But if you’re isolated and feel like you’re not doing enough or that you aren’t enough and the feelings behind it are anxiety, stress, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, shame, etc, then you’re probably being lied to by the devil so that he can keep you running rampant until you fall out physically and fall out with God.

Proverbs 23:4-5 says, “Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease! Will you set your eyes on that which is not? For riches certainly make themselves wings; They fly away like an eagle toward heaven.” I love that the New King James Version says “Do not overwork.” I love this verse (which I legit just came upon after getting to the bottom of this post) because it reminds us how how fleeting and fleeing our destinations and goals are. We seek riches but they steadily elude us, just like the expectations and standards the devil tries to tauntingly encourage us to attain. But again, we cannot do it on our own. Philippians 4:19 tells us that “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Three of God’s titles are Rabboni (Teacher), Addonai (Master) and Shepherd. So, as our Teacher, Master and Shepherd, please understand that He knows exactly where we’re going, when we need to get there, and how we are going to get there. Sheep aren’t meant to lead themselves. Students aren’t meant to teach themselves. And servants aren’t meant to run themselves. There is an ease in letting Him have the reigns. 

In saying that, Imma let you in on a little secret. Isaiah 14:12-14, Ezekiel 28:14-18 and Luke 10:18 talk about the fall of Satan. What’s interesting, is that Isaiah 14:13-14 and Ezekiel 28:17 give the reason he was cast into hell and exiled from the Kingdom of God. Wanna know? Cause it’s super important, and you should remember it for the rest of your life: Satan focused on self. He exalted self. Period.

Look: Isaiah 14:13-14

“You said in your heart,    ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God    I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly    in the far reaches of the north; 14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;    I will make myself like the Most High.’”

Ezekiel 28:17

“Your heart was proud because of your beauty;    you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.”

Satan thought he was the bee’s knees and found out that he wasn’t. Satan thought he was better than God and more glorious than God and more wise and powerful and discerning than God, and should therefore reign above God- reign over God. And do you know what happened to him? I encourage you to click on that link and read it for yourself, but the short answer is: Jesus watched Him fall from heaven like lightning. He failed. Do you know why he failed? Because he wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t holy enough. He wasn’t smart enough. He wasn’t disciplined enough. He wasn’t good enough.

And ya know what? 

Neither are we. Period.

Ladies and gentlemen, we do not have it in us to be godly enough to serve God properly. Satan wants you to focus on your abilities/lack thereof, your intelligence or lack thereof, your wisdom and holiness and creativity and skills and strength and everything else/the lack thereof with all of it. He wants you to be so consumed with what you do and don’t have/what you are and aren’t, that you never have the time, energy or reason to pay attention to the God who is every single thing you need. Our job down here, is not to get caught up and doped up on self. Satan’s greatest downfall was getting too hopped up on himself, so it’s his greatest weapon against us. 

A conversation I just had with a few friends after discussing their prayer requests led me to a realization of the attack the enemy has planned against the body of Christ- Isolation. It is one of the greatest attacks using self. When you are isolated, you only think about yourself. It drives you away from the body of Christ, from friends, from family, from coworkers and mentors, from church and Bible Study. In all these attacks, confusion and problems that my friends and acquaintances have been facing, they always confess that they felt so alone in the struggle! Only to find out that the people around them were going through the exact same thing. If the enemy can make us think life is only about us, then we will be more willing to entertain our struggles, and less willing to fight our battles and issues. Because the damage only falls on us, and that’s less responsibility than if it affected several others or moreover, thousands of others. But we are a body, people! 

1 Corinthians 12:25-27, “So that there should be no division in the body, but that its members should have mutual concern for one another. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a member of it.”

If one part suffers, every part suffers. So as each of us are getting individually attacked, so is the whole body. If your big toe is sprained, it makes walking hard because now you’re trying to take pressure off of it and you’re walking on the side of your foot, which is creating unequal distribution of weight and now your foot, legs, hips and back hurt because everything it out of whack. It’s like Captain America Civil War (lol). In order to disarm the Avengers, the villain knew that he had to break them apart by making them come into such vehement disagreement, that instead of being one solid unit, they broke into individual parts. And one by one, a group is always easier to pick off rather than if they were ganged up together. It’s easier to break individual plans of wood, it’s harder to take down a wall.

So the enemy wants us isolated, separated and focused entirely on self, where he can pick us off one by one. He wants us so focused on our problems- thinking nobody understands and that nothing more than our joy and finances are at risk- that we draw away from community and continue to secretly entertain things that God told us to put down and shake off. News flash for us though: We’re all getting attacked and this is a divisive scheme of the enemy to keep us from coming together and recognizing that we need each other. You are not alone. Others are suffering through the same things, but there are revelations, wisdom, prophecies, life lessons, Scriptures, teachings, encouragements, advice, prayers, etc that others have that you will never get if you don’t come out of the bubble of self and join the rest of the body. The enemy knows it’s much more potent to attack multiple people individually, rather than just attack a single individual multiple times. It’s better to hit them hard all at once over and over again, than to only drill one area. We need each other, but more importantly, we need God.  Satan found out that without God, he’s nothing but a roach that needs permission to stick around. 

Without God, who is the Head of our body, we are nothing more than individual members scattering around without purpose, without power and therefore, without progress. 

Y’all remember those breathtaking pictures, right? Just like one star didn’t make up that galaxy, it is not just us in this big giant world and this grand ole scheme. Trust, it’s time to join the ranks and let Addonai take the reigns.

Clarity

Another popular prayer request was for clarity, guidance and discernment. This is heartbreaking because not knowing where to go is a feeling that’s equivalent to “being in the dark.” I was talking to God today and I told Him I was tired of being in the dark about what my next step was. Y’all know what He clapped back with and said? You would feel in the dark when you’re serving up under something that originates from darkness.

Uuuummm?? Wait hello?? Is this thing on, cause....what???

Like it came on the tail end of my comment. As in, no space or breath between. And it settled in me. I wasn’t surprised because He had shown me while I was praying on Friday that this was an issue too many of His children were dealing with right now. I had thought I was the only one, only to be bombarded with the fact that, this was so much bigger than me.

The enemy is really out to confuse the children of God, making them scatter and feel abandoned. If you can cut off a sheep’s ability to see and hear their Shepherd, then you can control them, or at least keep them from progressing and moving how they need to. The issue is, as God showed me:

There are things that we have entertained in the past- or are still entertaining- that are not of Him and thereby, have been given permission and authority to come into our lives and disrupt our connection with God. This happens through an attack on our discernment/clarity where the enemy places a covering over our minds and scales over our spiritual eyes and ears.

Acts 9:1-18 talks about the conversion of Saul into an apostle. For those who don’t know, Saul (whose name became Paul) is an OG in the Bible who wrote 13 of the New Testament books. He actually killed Christians for a living and was a super “high and mighty” sort of guy. He was the kind of church folk we don’t like. Real snooty and self righteous. Which is what Satan was and what God is trying to get us not to be. But anyways, in verse 18 of Acts 9, it says, “And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight.” 

The Lord was showing me that there are some things that we have been serving/entertaining in the past or still presently are, that haven’t been cast down, surrendered to Him and disowned in our lives, so they have created scales over our eyes and ears. Some things that used to or still do have our attention and have the power to distract us. 

For example, I had an Amazon Prime subscription that I forgot about it. Because I was a student, it was free. But a year after my schooling ended, it began to charge me as a regular subscription. Since I wasn’t aware of this, I hadn’t cancelled my subscription and the charges kept adding up. Monthly charges and late fees were steadily accruing to my account. They would call me over and over and over again, waking me from my sleep and taking up storage in my phone with their constant voicemails. My mom went to check the bill  and noticed that was an amount where there should have been a zero balance. 

Without my awareness or conscious consent, this thing was wreaking havoc on my life and still operating. Still causing damage. And our spiritual lives are the same way. Some of us subscribed for things in the past, or still have an active account they use, that is wreaking havoc on your discernment and clarity to this very day. You have given some spirit- lust, greed, vanity, revenge, addiction, etc access to your account and it is still running you into debt. And because you never disowned, cast off, and surrendered that thing to God, it is still operating and functioning.

His Word has told us the He has given us the Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 So that means, the enemy actually has no power over the state of our minds. But by the things we entertain, we can actually give him authority to disillusion us and enter into our discernment to interfere with our clarity. So these unclean spirits create a covering of confusion over our minds and create scales over our spiritual eyes and ears, which keep us-whether partially or wholly- blind and deaf to the guidance and voice of God. The enemy’s sole purpose is to keep us away from God. He doesn’t want us trusting God, consulting God, relying on God, praying to God, fellowshipping with Him, wanting Him, praising Him, talking to Him, etc. 

So think of these things like the old school web page blocks. If you tried to go to a website that was restricted, it’d take you to the school district’d blocked page, telling you the site was unavailable and deemed inappropriate. So, because of our relation to these unclean spirits, they have the right, under certain topics of conversation, to reroute our calls with God to the blocked page so we can’t hear or see Him properly. So every time you try to get on the phone with the Lord and seek His help/guidance, that thing that you never surrendered hops on the line and whispers things to you or blocks you from recognizing His voice. 

This year, it was prayed over me that it was extremely important to get familiar with God’s voice. I had a year of often thinking it was Him when it wasn’t. And the more areas of your life that aren’t submitted to Him, the larger the playing field is for anything to slide its answers to you. When you’re not submitted to God, your mind and discernment are a free for all in the spirit realm, where any demon or devil could be talking to you. You’ll definitely hear things that will lead you to serve whatever god you’re serving. I was serving vanity, so I was led to a lot of things, ideas and explanations the protected/promoted my image. Even if those things were damaging thoughts. We must be mindful of what we’re serving. If you serve money, you’ll hear opportunities everywhere. It will speak to you through anything.

If you are serving and operating in Unforgiveness, that in and of itself is a haze and block against the Lord. The Word says in Ephesians 4:26-27, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.”  Unforgiveness is an actual opening to the devil to talk to you and influence you. And as long as you hold onto that anger, he can continue to talk to you and cloud your clarity on a matter, because he will only tell you things that satisfy that self righteous anger, those things that make you puff up your chest and think I have every right to be mad. So what if we never talk again. She wasn’t a real friend anyways. He wasn’t down for me. They were just some snakes. She just hating on me cause I moved up in life. And so on and so forth. When you’re so busy entertaining solutions and perspectives that feed your anger and grudge, when do you have the opportunity and awareness to hear the Lord when He’s trying to speak forgiveness to you? The Lord understands that we get angry, but He knows nothing good comes from holding onto it. He knows that it only gives the devil a foot in the door of your life and discernment. 

God desires grace. He tells us in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” 

Matthew 5:23-24 speaks on this same theme of reconciling with your brothers before coming to Him, “Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Look at Ephesians 4:32- “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Unforgiveness, a lack of mercy, a hardened heart, these are things very opposite to God’s character and so against the very foundation of His relationship with us, that He tells us that we should be making every effort to make it right with one another or come to Him for help in working it out. The Lord tells us in Luke 11:23, "Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. When you are outside of the will, desire and character of God, He says that you are not with Him, progressing with Him. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us in Hebrews 13:5, and that He is always with us in Psalm 73:23. 

But look, there are things we participate in throughout life and come into agreement with, that are the equivalent of placing on headphones and sunglasses while God is walking and talking with us. Things that are the equivalent of walking into dark and loud places with those sunglasses and headphones on. And what started off as a mere hum and slight dimming of interference in our ability to perceive the Lord throughout our circumstances, becomes a full on deaf and blindness. Sometimes we devote ourselves to things/entertain habits, mindsets, emotions, people, etc that cause us to lose track of the presence of the Lord. Though He is always with us, we lose the ability to hear and see Him as we devote ourselves to spending time in/with things that close off our connection to Him. 

So, as we go to Him, the Lord is going to show us those places that need to be disowned, renounced and surrendered to Him. He’s taking the power we’ve given to the enemy back. But until we ask Him to reveal those places, we’ll stay in the dark. Legitimately. Anything outside of Him, is outside of light since He is Light. When we ask someone to “shed some light on the topic,” it’s because we need further understanding and clarification. We can’t get that if topics remain unexplained or improperly discussed. Just the same, we can’t expect to get the full spectrum of God’s illuminating clarity if there’s still parts of us that are serving up under shadows and darkness.

Mental Health

Now, this one is more so about stress and anxiety. Mental Health is a huge topic, and I am by no means an expert. So I won’t exactly be touching on the whole spectrum.

Just in regards to stress and anxiety, the Lord basically pointed to Himself as an example of a perfect mind and perfect mental health. His mind functions without flaw. In fact, His mind is so powerful and proper, that what He thinks, comes to pass.

Isaiah 14:24 “The Lord of hosts has sworn, saying, “Surely, as I have thought, so it shall come to pass.”  Another verse discusses a concept kinda similar to that in humans, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7. For God, what He thinks-happens. For us, what we think in our hearts- which means whatever we devote our consistent attention to, whatever we believe and meditate on- so we are, so we become.

When we focus on stress, we become stressed. When we focus on lust, we become horny. When we think about food, we get hungry. When we concentrate on companionship/lack thereof, we feel lonely. When we harp on our inadequacies, we feel insecure. There are things that we are meditating on that are affecting how we think, feel, sleep, communicate, relate to others, learn, eat, work, date, relax, exercise, etc. There are ideas we have that control who we are, who we let in, what we do, etc. Things that are restricting, oppressive, harmful, debilitating, etc. There are thoughts and perspectives we weren’t designed and destined to agree with- lies the enemy wants us to feed off of. 

So the Lord showed me that He wants to gives us His perspective, understanding, thoughts and truths about ourselves, our circumstances, our relationships, jobs, aspirations, troubles, etc. What we’ve been thinking about, harping on and meditating over are deteriorating our peace, joy, esteem, hope, and rest. So, the commission? Meet God where you’re at and pour out. Don’t try to put on by being extra holy, unbothered, super strong or grateful (cause I recently used to come to God as I felt I was supposed to, and not as I actually was). Let Him know you’re frustrated, stressed, down bad, wondering what the crap is going on, depressed, anxious, confused, hurt, feeling abandoned or forgotten, lost and cold. Let Him know you’re not sleeping well and having nightmares, that you can barely keep it straight during the day. Let Him know you cry all the time or that you want to even though you typically never do. 

And understand that He knows every single thing you’re saying to Him already. This practice is rehearsing how to surrender to God. I know I keep using that word, but it’s important. How can He be your God, your Master, your Parent if you don’t relinquish control to Him? Letting everything out and being transparent is an exercise of trust and love. You coming to Him and being honest is saying, “I’m ready to be vulnerable, I’m admitting that I’m vulnerable and I need Your help. I need YOU, because I haven’t been enough. Even when I wish I was, I am just not enough to help myself like You can help me, God.”

And that brings me to another important area that was common in the prayer requests, and my last point:

Strength

This ties right into Discipline, because we try to practice discipline in our own strength. But simply put, we cannot get the job done and go through life in our own strength only. When we come to the end of ourselves, we reach the beginning of an infinite God with infinite strength, power, solutions, resources, wisdom, hope, joy and peace. Stop trying to be happy all by yourself. Stop trying to find and control your own peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). He promises us rest (Hebrews 4), so let Him give it to you and help you. Moral of the story is: let Him lead and guide you, provide for and supply you, protect and stand by you. 

Again, I know mental health is broad and gets preeetty complicated. So I’m not trying to minimize its issues. My point is, there are some things, like stress and forms of anxiety, that the Lord wants to heal you from in this season. And He wants to begin by replacing your toxic beliefs, those empty promises of can’t and won’t, and the discouraging lies that plague your every moment with His truth, His perspective, His promises and His decrees. 

You are so much more than what your mind and the enemy tells you.

So from here on out, let’s just let God take the reigns of our discipline, discernment (clarity), minds, and strength. You know what. Let’s let Him take the reigns period. Jesus take the wheel, remember? Look at those pictures one more time. Soak it in, breathe and start surrendering. The God of miracles, signs, wonders and infinite universes can handle it. He made our universe, so He can maneuver yours. 

[shhhselah]

Mack Daddy OG BooThang

Sunday, January 20, 2019

1:28am

Pretty, isn’t it?

It’s the kind of place I’d imagine going on a honeymoon. Like, what man is going to take me here, and where he at? Cause no, really....where he at though? 

Ya know, I realized something a little while ago. Like, legit just a few minutes ago lol. It’s a prayer I’ve prayed for years, but am finally in a place to receive and see it. Check this out, y’all: 

God is dumb romantic and He’s like....the greatest player of all time. Except God ain’t no player. Oh no, baby, no. He’s the whole GAME.

And you know what?

He’s playing for keeps.

Yeah. That’s right. You heard me. Peep the title. Y’all thought that was just to draw you in? Tuh. (It was.) But I was being oh so sincere and trying to let y’all in on the real. God got the game on lock, because He is the game....and the lock for that matter! Lemme break it down, aite?

Ladies. What do we want in a man? That varies, I know; but essentially, we want a man who will protect us and provide for us. Someone who will pay us attention and take us out, who will make us feel special, who will open up and be vulnerable with us. A gentleman, who will love us unconditionally and make us laugh. Someone who can lead, who is observant and honest, kind (and a little dangerous/edgy, shhhhh), and who can cook and dress. Someone who we can be our most authentic, vulnerable, chill selves with and shares our same beliefs values and principles. Right?

And fellas. What do y’all want? Lemme see. A woman who is strong yet submissive- can cook, bake, and clean properly; take care of the kids, keep a job, and have her own ambitions; stay loyal and true; be willing to talk, listen and just be silent at times; can kill any outfit, kick it with the fellas (and actually fit in), be secure in her place and not jealous (but a slight attitude is fine cause y’all love a challenge and bit of fiestiness); and shares your beliefs, values and principles.

We both love a lover who can not only balance, but challenge us and make us better. Cause, at the end of the day, your partner is a God-given tool used to continue to shape, prune and grow you. (And give you comfort, but the list goes on, so moving forward.) Isn’t it amazing that God encompasses all of those qualities?

Selah.

Think about it.

How romantic is God? He is so ready to sweep us off our feet (man and woman). He wants to woo us and take us out on lavish dates. He desires to fly us out to exotic places and teach us new languages. He loves to listen to us rant and rave, vent and process, reflect and respond. He adores Netflix and chilling with us! He taught you how to be fly. He gave you the courage to start that new fashion trend. Honey, He blessed those meals you thought were about to be trash lol. He constantly, constantly constantly desires to be around us and watch us, listen to us and talk with us. So yes, He wants to take you on dates and take care of you while you’re sick and whisper sweet nothings to you. He promises to heal you and lift you up when you’re down and spoil you abundantly. 

Fellas, He protects you and rides with you, stays loyal and true to you- stays silent when you don’t wanna talk and inputs when you need to hear it. He guides you, even when you- metaphorically and literally speaking- don’t wanna stop and ask for some got dang directions. He’s the reason you have drive and motivation, suave and swag. Please. Y’all thought y’all taught y’allselves that. Go sit down.

The Lord is on a mission to love us, and love us fully. He did it when He died on the cross and raised Himself back up and opened His arms for us to run into. But everyday, He wants to start anew.

This is something He showed me a week ago and it is so beautifully mind blowing- *inserts journal entry here*:

(Sunday, January 13, 2019- 9:27pm)

Jesus calls us His bride. And....I like that. Yeah. It feels indicative of something. Like, after marriage, we stop saying "Bride," and switch to "Wife." For some, this is an honor- a time of transition and settling into what's finally permanent. It’s like, for years (or months) you all have been building up to this point, and it's finally here. “She is my wife now. Officially. Forever more.” And that's super exciting!! Super giddy and inspiring! But it was something about a deacon at my God sisters’ church, calling his wife his “bride-” after 8 months of marriage- that really got me. Something about that word usage really struck me. It reminded me that Jesus has never called us His “Wife.” But His Bride. The Bride of Christ. Bone of His bone. Flesh of His flesh. It's kinda like He's telling us that He's always in the honeymoon period with us. That our reunion with Him is always and will forever be fresh to Him. Everyday we are at the first day, the big day- standing right there at the altar. And you know what, at first, I low key felt like that was because He recognized how fragile human loyalty is. He knows how temporary the flesh and its decisions are. It's like Jesus officially calling Simon, "Peter." Graduating him from Flimsy Reed (which is what “Simon” means in Hebrew), to Rock (what Peter means in Hebrew). And that graduation only came because of the Father's influence, revelation and power. By his-self, Simon wasn't enough to become Peter. The reed could not transform into the rock without the Potter making another vessel out of the clay. Jesus told him, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven." (Matthew 16:17) Only God's power could bring about the upgrade, the transformation. And like us, without God, we can't be consistent and sturdy, set like rock. We're too flimsy! So Jesus calls us His "bride," because everyday is the wedding day with us! To me, it seemed that He called us this because everyday is a choice to not run from the altar and this union, to stay united and faithful. To not divorce or cheat with other desires and opportunities and people.  But then I realized something. He accepts us afresh and gives us His, "I do," every single day. It's why the Word says His mercies are afresh each morning. Because His “I do” for us is afresh and renewed every morning. Calling us His bride isn't really about our flimsiness, but His willingness and desire to stick by us, no matter if we run. So yeah, everyday we can choose to not leave the altar, but, ultimately, His love is what keeps us from running and what brings us back even when we do! His arms are always open. It's His kindness that leads us unto repentance. So yeah. We are His bride because He marries us and our issues, our shortcomings and flaws and everything stinky, "ugly," evil, weak, and broken in us every day. He says "Yes. I do." with joy overwhelming. Every. Single. Time. His joy never dims. His Yes never dims. Unto eternity.  

What a Sweetheart He is, right? Yeah. God looks at you- yes men, you too- and sees His bride, the church. And every single moment of the day, He gives us His unfailing, fully devoted, enthusiastic, “Yes! I do!” And it will never die. It will never fade. It will never lose that enthusiasm. 

Have you ever felt like you were too much for someone (or the world) and yet simultaneously felt like you just weren’t enough? I have. Often. But that feeling is so against what God intended for me or any of us to feel. God isn’t afraid of your scars. He isn’t afraid of your “ugly side,” your vulnerability or anger, your past or your addictions. He isn’t afraid of your sex life or your cussing habits, your jail time or your insecurities and need for control. He’s not intimidated by you. He isn’t overwhelmed or disgusted by you. 

He wants to spit game to you all day, everyday. Game that will have you leaving them boys and birds alone and settle in for 7:30pm Bible Study on Tuesday night cause ain’t nothing sweeter than your God’s presence. Game that will have you looking at these dudes’ pick up lines like dog poop, cause you’ve read Songs of Solomon. Aaaaannd you let the Lord reveal to you what He thinks about you, so they 3 seconds of acknowledging your fat booty or “gorgeous smile,” just don’t measure up.

I’m telling y’all, God is spitting game at y’all that will give you wisdom and skills to get a promotion at ya job. Who you know that can do that??? What book did you read, what girl did you date, what club did you go to, what sport did you play that gave you the discernment, skills, confidence, and Holy Spirit advantage to go up the ranks at your work place and achieve your dreams while getting checks and coin? Huh? Huh? Huh? Okay cool. I’ll wait.List em out below, please.

All I’m saying y’all, is that God really is the OG Mack Daddy Boo Thang forreal! 

He’s a, “Foreva eva? Foreva eva eva eva?” “True playa forreal, that’s my homie forreal,” sort of love. 

Read the Songs of Solomon and just peep the Shakespearean game this King of all kings is throwing down. Read the Proverbs and the Psalms and the Gospel and just know how your Bae looks at you. 

How He tweaks for you to call on Him. The way His eyes twinkle when He hears your voice or your laugh. Educate yourself on His promises to rain down only the best on you like His name was Ashanti. Research His promises to do right by you, make you better, and luv you betta like His name is LL Cool J. Cause you know Ladies Love Cool Jesus. Let yourself be whisked away on the greatest bae-cation of ya life. 

Because everyday will be the honeymoon when it’s #BooThangAndYou.

Selah.

*Oo, and sidenote: Ladies, stop calling these fools “daddy,” and get with the real Zaddy. Okay? Bloop bloop.

[shhhselah]

And then, there was joy….And Grace. And Mercy. And Favor. Check out this dope clothing line #BlessedPeriod. Dripped in swag and the precious blood of Jesus. #IssaAnointing #Selah 💙💛🧡 Sn: Thanks for taking my picture best @taty.taught_em 💛 https://www.instagram.com/p/BsB5Xl5hXnj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17s8d415my0pn

[shhhselah]

Winter Wonderland

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

11:12pm

Do y’all see that date? The one right above this picture? Mm mm mm. Christmas.

That one word in and of itself makes my heart flutter with excitement. I love everything about this season (except the high prices of capitalism). There’s just something about it that brings forth a joyous and festive atmosphere that makes families come together and strangers speak out to greet one another in love and fellowship. My God, this is truly just the most wonderful time of the year.

I get so filled with the “holiday spirit,” as we all do. Who could resist the absolute thrill of it all? The matching pajama sets; the hot chocolate with whip cream warming your lips; Christmas carols that make your heart sing; Jack Frost nipping at your nose while blankets of snow christen the ground in a winter wonderland; decorating the Christmas tree and house with glitters of gold, silver and every color you can find; sleighing and snowboarding like Jingle Bells come alive; families coming together and carrying out age old traditions; movie reruns that we all know every word to; exchanging gifts and feeling like a little tike all over again, wondering what “Santa’s” gotten you; and so many more little intricacies that dance through your spirit and lift up the corners of your soul in a sincere, warm smile.

Wow.

You know, I actually wrote this post on Christmas. 

I actually posted it on Christmas too.

And the most devastating thing happened.                                 It disappeared. 

Yup. 

All of it.

I was distraught yo. Completely so, but the Lord reminded me of some things so I wouldn’t be distracted by it:

A. I had family, love, and bomb food.

B. The victory always belongs to us in the end. So of course, this post would be written again and all would be well, even if I had liked the other version better.

C.  When the devil attacks us, he is telling us something- he doesn’t like what’s going on. He’s intimidated, infuriated, or scared, so he wreaks havoc and attempts to block, delay, steal, kill and destroy whatever or whoever it is. So, if he’s attacking you, look at how you might be desecrating his kingdom and pat yourself on the back.

So, now that that’s established, let’s wreck the enemy’s kingdom and get into this holiday cheer. Okrr? Okrr. 

As I said earlier, this time of year gets me so filled with the “holiday spirit.” The only thing is, what does that mean? 

For many of us, we simply are talking about all those exciting things I named above- the songs, the food, the family, decorations and movies. There’s just something about this time of year that feels good, right? I can admit, I get so caught up in those things sometimes though, that I forget what the real reason for the season is. 

Jesus Christ.

​Christmas is about Presence, not presents. 

Selah. 

Let’s really stop and reflect on that statement. 

Take it like this, when we have parents in our lives who are present, we don't often tend to feel like orphans. Yes, we may want to run away because they drive us insane. Yes, at times we may feel lonely when we are away from home. But, it's not often that when we are removed from their presence- like going away for school or moving to a new state for work- that we suddenly are convinced we're orphans. Because we have the factual knowledge that we are not orphans. That we have parents who love us and care for us and are attentive. Parents who will be there for us when we need them; encourage us along the way; guide and advise us; teach us and love us. So yes, there may be distance, but we are always their children.

Plainly put, Christmas is a celebration of the time when Jesus came to be with us. Did you know, that centuries before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah spoke of Jesus’s birth and that He would be named "Imannuel?" For in Hebrew, it means, "God is with us."  That’s just like with our parents; sometimes it's not enough to hear from them and FT them on the phone or see their hilarious "old people" posts on Facebook. We need their physical presence.

How about a story?

When I was in the first semester of my Junior year of college, I was tormented with high anxiety and depression. I barely slept, and at times went 24 to 36 hours without food because I was so busy all the time. At one point, it got so bad that I finally just broke down, right in the Fine Arts basement bathroom. It got so bad, that for the first time in what seemed like ever, I let my parents in. Truly let them in, my dad specifically, because he’s the one I called. I got on the phone with him and told him everything and just cried. I told him how broken I felt and how I just was at my wit’s end. He stayed on the phone with me and gave me advice and eventually we got off the phone and I felt a little better to have talked to him, but I was still working through it all.

Do you know that the next day, my dad called me while I was at my apartment and told me to come look outside? I thought maybe he’d sent some sort of package. And you know what, y’all? He had. Himself. My father had driven those three and a half/four hours to come and spend the weekend with me. I legitimately ran our of my place and into his arms and cried. I couldn’t believe it. And even more, I hadn’t known it, but his physical presence was exactly what I had needed.

But God knew. And recently, me and my dad talked about that moment as we visited the DMV and stayed in the exact same hotel. After confessing how much that moment meant to me and how much I needed it, my father told me something so beautiful that I nearly cried all over again- “God told me to do it. It was a divine mission. Something in me told me to go.” Even typing it, it still hits me- the absolute love of our God to know that I was in desperate need of my father’s presence. So He sent him- knowing exactly where I was at physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually- my Heavenly Father had me located and knew exactly where and how to meet me.

The underrated miracle of this season, is that the same God who sent my father on a divine mission to be with me, is the same God who knew exactly where humanity was physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, and just the same, knew where, how and when to meet us. 

The wonder of this holiday is that God recognized our need for His presence.  And on Christmas day, having known that humanity was in desperate need of the Father's physical being, He came down in the form of one of us- where we could touch, see, feel, hear, smell and tangibly connect to Him. He humbled Himself and stepped down from a throne of glory to the pain, humiliation, despising and hatred of humanity. 

Did you know that in Greek, comfort means "to come alongside and help?" Paraklesis. God saw a need in our existence- Him. His presence, His nearness, His love, understanding and affection- His perfection and sacrifice. He saw a need and came along side us in humanity to fill it. He did it by living perfectly and dying sinless, so that He could be the final sacrifice for sin for all eternity, so that we could draw near to Him and Him draw near to us.

The Greek word for Grace, is just as beautiful as the one for Comfort. It means, favor, kindness, inclined, favorable towards, leaning towards, to share benefit, to extend. Charis (Xa’ris), the term expresses that God’s grace is His desire to incline, draw close to and lean towards us, and our inevitable benefit in that close proximity to Him. It describes the favor and blessing of God always keeping Himself in intimate propinquity. (I just learned that word after looking up synonyms for “proximity” lol. Nice one, right? Now we both have a new vocabulary word to show off! It means, the state of being close to someone or something. Enjoy lol) 

But seriously, there is such magnificence in understanding that Christmas isn’t about “the Holiday Spirit,” meaning our traditions and all the warm, fuzzy feelings they bring us, but it’s about the Holy Spirit- God’s own Being come down to fellowship with us 24/7, 365/366 on leap year, for all eternity. It’s exciting even, to understand that some of the things we love about Christmas and the New Year season, are in fact, qualities of God. The cheerfulness, the harmony, the joy and love, the hope and renewal, the fellowship and giving, the community and beautiful, awe-inspiring decorations. Those are all products of God’s nature. He is loving, cheerful, full of delight and warmth, built and clothed in beauty, giving endlessly, supportive of community, a road to rebirth, the Source of joy and peace; He is everything good about this holiday. His presence and words are as sweet and warm as the hot cocoa and whip cream on your lips; just as comforting as that full plate of southern delights; just as fulfilling as that house packed with family; just as breathtaking as those decorations that leave you wide eyed and wonder struck. 

God being close to us for the rest of eternity is the reason for the season. There is no more distance, no more seldom encounters that come from the prophets, no more enmity with Him, no more need to remain orphans in spirit. Because we now have all access to a Heavenly Father that died to be with us. Like how we say, “I’m dying to eat right now,” or “I’m dying to open my presents.” God was that eager to be with us, that when He came as Immanuel (Jesus), He did it all perfectly the first time so that He could die once and neither He, nor anybody else had to do it again in order to be close to Him. 

This season is about His love- His unstoppable, unconquerable, everlasting love. So here’s to Love. His name is Jesus, Yaweh, the Great ‘I Am,’ Immanuel. And He is the reason, for the season. Amen.

“CHRISTmas.” In Spanish, that would mean, “More Christ.” An apt message, because one thing we can never get enough of- something that world runs on- is love. I don’t know about y’all, but that definitely gives me some holiday cheer. 

A Holy Night indeed. 

Selah

[shhhselah]

Freedom

Thursday, December 20, 2018

11:23pm

I don’t know about y’all? 

But when I got my license, I thought all my problems were taken care of. Finally, I had that government, state approved piece of plastic that said I could legally operate a four wheeled automobile. Translation: I was now free to whip about the streets. *insert Birdman hand rub here*

That came to a screeching halt though. No sooner than I had gotten my license, was my mother suddenly pressing the issue of my needing insurance now too.........................Okay hol’ up.

I know y’all are nodding y’all heads agreeing with her. I get it; but this is the same woman, who for eight years has been complaining that if me and my sister had our licenses, she could send us to the grocery store, hospital, restaurant, mall, movies and any other place that she didn’t want to go to complete her chores or drop us off at for our activities. The same. Woman. 

But now the tune is different. Suddenly, it’s all about insurance or I ain’t driving anything but my behind as I park it at the bus stop. I don’t know about y’all, but that’s crazy to me. How for eight years, the story is one way, and now it’s completely different. Now the issue is the next thing I don’t have and need to attain. And lemme take a moment- is she right? Yes. Is this fair? Certainly. Do I care? Absolutely not. 

Because for years, I thought that if I finally got my license, I’d have some more freedom added to my plate. I’d be able to grab the keys and go as long as I helped fill the tank. Now though, I’m told that’s not the story and my expectations are crushed.

And to be honest, that kinda reminds me of how some of us are with our salvation. We felt like coming to Jesus was a one way ticket to an easy pass life. A VIP entrance to luxury, comfort, deliverance, peace, joy, opportunity, and everything we could ever need or ask for. Welp, if you’ve been on the journey, whether for a month or a year or a decade, you know that ain’t it. 

Because yes, you have your salvation card, but it suddenly seems like all the working, saving power of the Cross isn’t working for you. It seems like all the goodness that came from it darts in and out of your life. It feels like the deliverance that was secured at Jesus’ “It is finished,” somehow excluded you. 

For many Christians, this is crazy talk. Something you’d feel but never acknowledge to know it’s there. Or maybe you acknowledge it but never speak it, confront it or address it. The thing is y’all, the reason Christians- excuse me, one of the reasons Christians- come off so pious, is because we have a reverence that’s either drilled into us like a “You’re going to hell,” message from the church, or it’s naturally built as we begin to see the greatness of God. Sometimes, it’s both. But then, we take that reverence, and we box out anything that doesn’t align with it. So for some of us, cussing, drinking, gambling, dressing “scantily/suggestively,” gang affiliation, premarital sex, etc is outside of reverence. So then we shun it. 

Do you want to know something? As Christians, who, like the rest of the world, spend everyday of our lives growing, we sometimes get things wrong and mess up and struggle and battle and fall under false pretenses and all those other things. We cuss, we fight, we gossip, we slander, we judge, we criticize, we ostracize, we exclude, we murder, we envy, we lie, we fornicate and seduce, we fall short and sin. We are not perfect. But the reason we try to do that is because we try to sell the lie that we feed ourselves sometimes.

Remember when I discussed that whole thing about reverencing God and shunning that which doesn’t fall in line with it? Yeah, well that includes our emotions. We get into the habit of denying the parts of ourselves that we don’t think does God justice. 

It’s like when we try not to acknowledge or practice the habits that don’t fall in line with our image of “cool,” or “sexy,” or “attractive,” or “politically correct,” or “professional,” “mature,” “responsible,” “lady like,” “masculine,” etc. We so often try to fit labels and make labels fit us. So, as Christians, as a Christian myself, I know dag on well that I used to (and sometimes still do) try to ignore the things I’m feeling or thinking that don’t reverence God the way I think He deserves.

But you know what? I believe honoring God is not lying to His face. He’s an honest God and He deserves honesty. And in my honesty, sometimes I get mad at God. Sometimes I feel abandoned, ignored, left out, skipped over, and straight up played. I got my driver’s license and felt played, y’all. Cause I still have to take the bus. I don’t have insurance. I still don’t have my own car. And I can’t see one on the horizon for years. Shoot, I just got a job! 

I thought I would be whipping it in my parents’ cars, but no. I’m still grounded- better yet- bussed. And it tends to feel that same way on this walk with the Lord. We taking steps, but still feel like nothing’s changed. We gave our lives to Him but still suffer like everyone else. We pray, but sometimes hear nothing. We go to church and sometimes still leave feeling troubled, heavy and empty all at once. We get “delivered,” and still feel wrapped in chains. 

So what is it? What’s the solution? What’s the answer? What can we do?

Can I be honest, transparent and vulnerable?

I don’t know. 

What I do know, is that God calls us into salvation. Jesus says in John 15:16 that we didn’t call Him, but He called us. We didn’t reach the end of our rope and choose Him. He was behind the scenes, pulling the strings of our heart all along. Like someone you fall in love with and didn’t realize until later on in the relationship how properly they were laying game on you lol. God is the greatest Lover of all time, and it is Him that calls on us to be loved individually, intimately and wholly.

So, when we come into salvation, into relationship with Jesus, we come because we are called and are being invited to draw near to a Father who was once nearly inaccessible. We come because we’ve been woo’ed, romanced, loved by a Savior. But, sometimes we come under the impression that with this romance comes all the free gifts of a walk through the flowers as we go through life. We expect to be crazy confident, unbeatable, feel indomitable and assured and beautiful, and loved and valued and blessed and awed at aaallllll times. 

But, it just doesn’t happen like that. It’s one step at a time into eternity with the Lover and Creator of our existence. And so, like me- one step will be a permit, and then another will be learning to drive and then learning to parallel park and then passing the test and then getting my license and then getting a job and then getting insurance and then getting a car and then maintaining that car and keeping up with payments and driving safely the entire time to not wreck the car.

It. Is. A. Process. An ever-going process. And I know, trust me, that’s not what we want to hear sometimes. That’s not sexy or desirable. Having to wait sucks. But we have a whole life to achieve and get the things we’re working and praying for. What’s the rush? Because after that, we’ll spend an eternity never having to wait for a thing. And every step to that eternity will be taken with God. It may feel lonely. It will get frustrating. And yes, you will question, doubt and maybe even resent God. You’re human. Be human. 

Let Him be God, and don’t try to do His job for Him. Don’t try to be perfect and presentable for Him at all times. Don’t try to tell Him the sort of glory He deserves. Let Him tell you. Don’t try to control and predict the “appropriate” ways to love Him and let Him love you. Don’t decide what parts of you are and aren’t lovable and desirable and useful to Him. 

Don’t limit God with your limited understanding of who He is, what He wants and what pleases Him. Just let go. Jesus was perfect for us so that we didn’t have to stress when we fell short. 

I know we all want freedom. Freedom to travel. Freedom to spend and live comfortably. Freedom to live lavishly. Freedom to sincerely love and be loved without insecurities, trauma and suspicions wreaking havoc. Freedom to create. Freedom to be. 

It’s coming. Everyday, every moment, we get closer. Step by step by step. And remember, He will never let our feet slip. John 15:16, Jesus also said that He chose us that we might bear fruit, and that our fruit would remain. Do you know what that means? It means that we have been chosen by God to bear specific fruit (produce specific achievements, personality traits, connections, gifts/talents, etc) and that He ensures that every single one of those fruits will come to pass and will STAY. So your growth, your success, your deliverance, your understanding of Him, your conforming to His character, your use of His gifts are all things He is promising to prune, harvest and maintain in you and from you. And He promises that the fruit will be indestructible, irreversible as He remains your Source.

But that fruit comes one day, one week, one month, season, and year at a time. "Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

As God works with me on this, maybe I’ll have more to say. But right now, that’s all I can offer. And I’ll just let God be God as I remain the vessel, who will never know it all like He does.

Selah

*As I continue to say, my desire here is to always be transparent with you all. I have seen God continually deliver opportunities for vulnerability with every one of these posts. And for that, I am grateful. 

I’m adding this note, because for me, as I’ve mentioned, I like “perfection.” I don’t like to release a word until I feel it’s complete. Until I’ve sat on it, maybe edited and rehearsed it, or have seen it into completion. That’s at times discernment, and other times, it’s insecurity and fear. 

But, here, I don’t want to just deliver words. Yes, I say what God’s placed on my heart. But this is my diary, that I’m opening to conversation with you all. My dialogue with life, self and the Lord, and whatever seed He pours out, I share. So this one was hard, because I don’t feel it’s complete. I feel like it lacks the encouragement that I’d personally want after reaching the end of this post. I can already see myself- salty. Salty that, yeah, I’d gotten some words. I’d gotten someone I could relate to. But I’m still leaving frustrated and without a solution! I still have questions and anger. I’m still struggling and I wanted this to jump off my screen and deliver me!

Well, I’m sorry if it didn’t do that. I’m sorry that it didn’t fulfill the expectations you may have had. But I’m glad that God is God all by Himself and that if you’re reading this, this is just the beginning (or the continuance) of Him working on healing your heart, expectations and understanding of Him, your situation, and emotions.

Invite Him to do that and to continue to do that. “Lord, I came here wanting something, and I feel unfulfilled. Show me what I’m missing. Show me what I’m not understanding. Help me in my circumstance. Come into my heart and reveal what’s there. Heal me as only You can. Help me. I need You, but I don’t know what to do. Help me, God. I’m angry, and I want someone to blame, even if it’s You. Help me, God, I’m hurting, and it just won’t stop. Help me, God. Help me to see that it’s only You that can help me, and lead me into the way of wholeness and recovery. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Maybe you came here wanting nothing, but this spoke to you or provoked something out of you anyways. I invite you, pray this prayer or your own and let God into what you’re thinking and feeling right now. Work it out with Him.

And as always, I love you, and Jesus does too.

[shhhselah]

Happily Ever After....

Saturday, December 15, 2018

2:32pm

Guess what?

I was crying.

Yep. Legit like seven minutes ago. 

A good ole snot cry too. And you know what else? I am mad I’m not still crying. 

I’m serious. I feel some type of way. Between the time I blew my nose and God told me to grab my computer, I started sobering up a little bit. And chiiilldd, by the time I actually got my computer on and it loaded and I got Tumblr up, I was dry as the Sahara. Tuh.

My mama used to call me a cry baby. (She probably still does to be honest). But I can truthfully admit that I love crying. Now, do I love pain inspired tears? Absolutely not. I hate pain, abhor it. Specifically emotional pain. It does something deeply disturbing to me. So yeah, no. Meh don’t like pain. (I have friends that are Jamaican/Caribbean and without their knowing, I’ve taken to their accents.)

However, I do love a releasing cry. A cry that comes from the depths of your soul and just pours out everything. I adore that feeling. And you know, the Word says that “God is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18  

Well, today, God caught all of my brokenheartedness (I didn’t realize that wasn’t a word until Google told me just now) and my crushed spirit.

Lemme lay it out for you simply, and that will give context to everything else: I am a lover and child of God, who hates that she needs Him.

Point. Blank. Period.

I simply do not want to need God. I don’t. I want to love and serve and testify of Him simply because He’s so loving, just, perfect, kind, awesome, poetic, wondrous and so many other adjectives that both do and don’t exist. But.....I don’t want to need Him. Do you know why? 

It comes from one major point that creates other little subcategories: a desire for autonomy. The thing is, in His original design before sin fell (see Genesis 2-3) we were meant to have autonomy, but were never meant to be all of God and separate/without need of Him. Look at Genesis 2, in verses 1-2 (look at Genesis 1 as well) it says that God created the heavens and the earth. Chapter 2 verse 5 says there was no man to work the ground- to farm it so that plants of all kinds could spring up. And at verse 7 it says that God formed man from the ground and breathed life into his nostrils. Finally, see verses 8-9, which tells us that God made a garden with all sorts of plants and trees for Adam to tend to (Ch. 2 v. 15) and eat from (Ch. 2 v. 9). 

Now stay with me here, I’m coming to a point, I promise. Verses 18 and 21 discuss how God deemed that it was not good for man to be alone, but that he needed community-family- an equal. Because God alone was not truly Adam’s equal- though we were made in His image and thereby created to do a multitude of the things we’d gawk at and call “miracles” today. Though this is true, we were not equals with God, because we weren’t sovereign, we weren’t eternal in the way that we existed before there was ever time and a “beginning” (see Genesis 1:1). We weren’t all powerful and all knowing. So God made Adam an equal because before man did, God knew what we needed, what we lacked, what we’d crave, what our desires and personalities would be. God gave the land for Adam to tend to (Ch. 2 v. 15) and sent him all the animals He (God) had made for him (Adam) to name (Ch. 2 v. 19-20). So yes, God gave man autonomy, but not separation from Him. 

In the self-government and rulership/dominion over the world He had created and placed us in, it was never God’s intention for us to be separated from His Spirit, from His being. As our Creator and loving Father, as God of all things, we were never meant to not need His love, His light, His wisdom, His creativity, His fellowship, His perfection, His mastery. He made us rulers over earth, but not sovereign-not rulers and masters over all the universe. There was a tree of the knowledge of good and evil that we were never meant to touch (Ch. 2 v. 16-17). And yet, we did (Ch. 3 v. 1-6). And God said in Genesis 3:22-24, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” 23 therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. 24 He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.”

Do you know why man could no longer stay in the garden with God after he touched the tree he was commanded not to touch? Well, there are a number of reasons. One being, sin entered into man, who was made in the image of God, connected to God in spirit and spiritual/genetic makeup. God is perfect, He can’t be connected to sin, it’s impossible. His existence obliterates it. So, in Ch. 2 v. 5, God says that if we eat from the tree, we will die. 

Well, He didn’t mean a physical death, He meant a spiritual one. 

Selah. Think about it. A baby in the womb is connected to its mother’s life through the umbilical cord. If the umbilical cord is cut, the baby dies because it has no Source. It can’t get the nutrients of life it needs to survive. In being cut off, the baby dies. In the same way, sin severed our spiritual umbilical cord, killing our connection to God, putting our spirits to death. Physically, we were alive, but spiritually, we were gone. And that separation caused the process that we now put in a well known saying, “From the moment you are born, you begin to die.” Because now our bodies were susceptible to all kinds of sicknesses, ailments and toxic, unhealthy things that came with sin. Sin is a bottle of everything bad and evil and deadly. Imagine that the action of eating from that tree, was what pushed that bottle over, and like Pandora’s box, everything was released, never to be put back in. 

That is where we are. So, yes. God couldn’t be with us because He obliterates sin. But additionally, as I’ve said before, God is all knowing and all powerful and perfect and eternal and all those things, right? God created us. So He’s far more powerful than us. He existed before us, so He’s been around the block a couple times. He knows everything because He created everything there is to know. So do you know what that means? He’s a perfect Judge. A perfect Ruler. Adam and Eve would have only known how to judge correctly because they were made in the likeness/image of God, who Himself was a perfect Judge. But now the difference, is that they were tainted by sin and also, not sovereign, all-knowing or pre-existent of time.

So You (God), have these two beings You created, that suddenly know, like You, what the difference between good and evil is. So that means....You’ll have three beings trying to be judge and ruler of all creation, even though only one of you is actually fit for the role. 

Now this is where the serpent got in on Eve. He told her in Genesis 3:4-5, “Surely you will not die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 

He flamed her curiosity. He (the serpent, who is the devil) opened the gate for something that destroyed himself ages before this moment- pride, the ego. And we know how deadly that ego is. Chiiilllddd, it’s what has me not wanting to need God to this very day. Imma get back to that, promise. This understanding of Scripture is necessary to my point.

So, the devil told Eve that she’d be like God. Now, I looked up the root translations of “like.” They are, kemo/kamo and demuth, which both mean, “likeness, similitude, resembling, alike.” Note, in a basic example, how two people-like twins for instance- can be alike, but not the same. Here is the overarching header people, We. Will. Never. Be. God. Period. 

So, even with a knowledge of good and evil, Adam and Eve would still lack the sovereignty to ever be on the same level as God. And in addition to that, they came upon that knowledge illegally. The law of the land, was to never touch and eat from the tree, and yet, they broke the Law of the Judge and illegally, unjustly took that information and gained that wisdom. What they didn’t know, is that their illegal confiscation was, in and of itself, a hindrance from them ever having the perfect understanding that came with the very knowledge they stole. Because sin now skewed their judgement, discernment, understanding and wisdom in a way that God’s was not and never would be skewed.

So, yes, we were never, in the original design, meant to be separate from God. Thankfully though, through Jesus Christ, He bridged that gap and the umbilical cord has been reconnected with His Spirit.

So, back to my point of wanting to be autonomous. Through Christ, we now have His Spirit dwelling in us, encouraging us, empowering us, leading us into all Truth, knowledge, understanding and wisdom of who God is and what His will for us individually and collectively is (which is why church is necessary, but that’ll be another post).  

At one point, we as humans were rulers of earth with God as our Head, Judge, Father and delighted Overseer. He just doted over us (and still does.) So, we ruled, and there was no issues because sin hadn’t tainted anything or anyone. But once sin entered, though we still rule in the world, it is now satan who rules spiritually over the earth just as God once did. Everything begins in the realm of the spirit, (I know, this is getting weird, right?) It’s true though. Look at the saying, “Hurt people, hurt people,” what does this mean? It means, that those who are emotionally and mentally hurt will lash out and create that pain in someone else’s life. It’s the same way with the spiritual versus the natural. The evil or good that is planted, spoken, done, birthed, created, or conjured in the spiritual realm, will pour over into the natural realm. “What goes arond, comes around,” right? The Biblical equivalent to that is that what you sow, you shall reap- what you plant, is what you harvest, essentially.

So, satan became the legal ruler of this realm because of our illegal transgression in the spiritual world way back when- which was breaking divine order and law, by disobeying the sovereign Ruler. So now, we live in a world where our judgement is skewed by evil, by someone who has workers (demons and spirits) that plant and promote and influence evil in others like a wicked social media campaign. *Insert Wicked by Future here*

So, why do I not want to need God? Because I desire to be perfect. I want my fairy tale Garden of Eden. I want life before sin. I want to fast forward past struggle and pain and hurt and grief and only live the good stuff. I want to be perfect so I can live a perfect life and be perfect to the standard and opinion of every skewed judgement here on this earth. I want to fit into every mold so I can just coast through life without a problem. 

In a moment of transparency, I want this so bad that I created a world in my mind where I have it. A world where I pray because I love God, and I preach and teach about Him because I want others to know the love of His presence. But ultimately, it is a world of perfection where I do not need Him. Where I don’t even want to need Him. Because let’s be clear, I don’t want to need God. Needing Him and wanting to need Him is a confession that I don’t have what it takes to achieve all of mine and the world’s skewed standards. 

So yeah. I promised vulnerability, and this is it. It may seem crazy that someone who has a whole blog dedicated to God would say that she doesn’t even want to need Him. But the truth is, most of us don’t want to need God on some degree. That’s why we don’t always pray and consult Him. It’s why we ask Him to just get us in the door so we can do the rest. It’s why we beg to be able to know what’s next so we can get ourselves there on our own terms. It’s why we go to Him and tell Him what we want so He can get skippy, snap His fingers and appease our desires and judgement. It’s why we don’t think we need a church and other people’s help. It’s why we don’t read the Bible. We don’t desire to need Him or think we need Him.

But.........have you ever thanked God for not giving you what you wanted or thought you needed? 

Yeah?

Me too. PLENTY of times. And you know what those are? Clear signs that we need Him, and more so than we’d care to admit. 

Out of a constant feeling of inadequacy, I desire to just have complete control of my life. And by complete control, I mean being knowledgeable, wise, talented, pretty, fashionable, experienced, strong, tough, bold, confident, secure, rich, faith-filled, believing, trusting, and generally just perfect enough to have control over each and every sector of my life, to the point that everything runs without a hitch. I never want to lack anything because I’ve always felt like I lacked so much according to the rules and standards and parameters of this fallen world.

I want for once, to not have to feel like I need anything. And again, needing God is an admittance to the fact that I still lack things I wish I had. 

It’s something I’m working on. It’s something I knew and confessed months ago. But today, I finally released it to God. I finally let Him in without just grazing over it. And from here, healing comes. It will be a process, something I also really hate because it’s another indicator that I lack, and therefore, have to work and wait for something that I desire to already immediately have. Regardless though, it will be a process of seeing all the beautiful ways I need Him. And I do mean beautiful. There is beauty in vulnerability with the Lord. I’m just really learning to let it all go and not try to be the Kelah I want to be, or the Kelah the world wants me to be, or the Kelah others have projected on me.

I’m working on simply being who God painted and spoke so many centuries ago. Flaws, weaknesses and yes, inadequacies and all. Autonomy would be great in a perfect world, but this world is far from it. And how can I preach a genuine need for the Lord when I myself am trying to run from it in my own relationship with Him?

This is the start to a beautiful journey, and I’m honestly, truly glad to be with you guys on it.

With love, I hope you can  Selah on your own ways that you’ve attempted to distance yourself from God, and, how even the dreaded parts of a fairy tale still amount to the Happily Ever After...

We all want our Prince Charming to swoop in and save the day. I invite you, alongside me, to let this walk with God be the romance you never saw coming. Let’s let Him sweep us off our feet.

Selah indeed.