#anyway i have felt strongly about this since the game came out

[delurkr]

Um there's people in the world who need to learn that Kate can be vain, prissy, image-conscious, and a diva while also wearing denim, a beanie, and minimal makeup because there is no formula for mixing a vain, prissy, image-conscious diva who wants to look "good." Everybody has their own idea of "good" and the image she is insecure about not measuring up to does not have to be the image of a pageant queen. It can be whatever she wants, in fact, and she is a creatively subversive character because of this. Expand your imagination✨✨

[blueishspace]

Scott says Pearl's memory is selective so I rewatched her DL pov.

And he's kinda right? But also is doing much of the same thing.

Part 1/3

Episode 1 p.1 Communication and Strategy.

Let's start from the basic thing everyone even non fans with friends that are into the series know. Scott abandoning Pearl.

...

Which is something he doesn't do, not really at least, that would imply that they were allied in some way and he left. He might be her soulmate but that does not mean he has to team with her. By all counts It's simply a game mechanic and nothing more, she isn't entitled to an alliance with him. Sure there's an expectation for it to happen but it is not a rule, you can't abandon something you never had.

What about Last Life? It doesn't matter, not when it comes to Pearl, alliances almost never stick trough different seasons. It matters to Cleo and Scott: One of the reasons Scott and Cleo teamed up was because in Last Life they didn't have the chance to be in the alliance for as much as they wanted since Cleo had died and gone to red and then Scott went to red soon after Cleo went back to yellow. It was an alliance decided and agreed upon based on the fact they both felt robbed by the previous season. But the same doesn't apply to Pearl, it could have had she met them and talked to them about it but she didn't and so they likely interpreted it as her not caring about it.

Pearl interprets it as abandonment because ahe came in late, she doesn't understand the way the life series works yet. She expected the alliance and friendship to last from the previous season, it is not her fault either. It is entitlement born not out of selfishness but by a lack of communication.

Pearl THINKS Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss has value because she sees Scott and Cleo together but she lacks the context for that and ends up using it as a reason fro Scott to not reject her, at the same time Scott feels that Pearl doesn't care and is expecting his loyalty because of a game mechanic neither has control over and even worse, at least by his standards, an old alliance. He has a very weird definition of what loyalty is but it's something he cares about strongly and it something vital to his character.

And Scott is definitely is hurt by Pearl's actions and It's really really obvious: Scott is a man of logic, he is rational, he sees he only has a life left and decides not to do a boogie kill because he might just die and go to red anyway, he sacrifices himself again and again to give his teammates better chances, ge does not care... But there he does something strategically stupid, not teaming with the person who's health he shares. He is emotionally hurt by what he percieves to be Pearl's lack of care, this is the first time since third life he acts out of emotion over logic. From Cleo's pov we see how much he panic when he realizes he's bonded to Pearl and that she is in the nether.

And even when Scott comes back to say something extra he doesn't target Pearl, he uses the horn to annoy Martyn. From his pov it is Pearl that betrayed him but he decides to be mean to Martyn instead of her. I think this says a lot more then words van about how he viewed this thing.

Episode 1 p.2 Cleo and Martyn are assholes.

Oh boy, those two on the other hand made everything much worse for Pearl.

Martyn ACTUALLY betrayed and abandoned Pearl, unlike Scott he wa working together with her. She had reason to expect him to stick with her especially after they were both refused by their soulmate partners. But he doesn't, despite everything, despite knowing she didn't take Scott's rejection well he still leaves her alone. Pearl does not actually begin to spiral when Cleo and Scott choose eachother over their soulmates, she begins to spiral only once Martyn decides that's it better to leave, when he decides being alone is better then being with her.

And Cleo... she eggs them both Scott and Pearl on so much. Like at least Scott tries to be civil and explain himself at the start but Cleo... well she is ruder during the entire conversation.

Even worse, most of the escalation is done by Cleo and Martyn getting louder at eachother and drowning out Scott's and Pearl's arguments. If the previous part was about how Scott's and Pearl's situation happened because of miscommunication then this is to say that it happened because Cleo and Martyn made it virtually impossible for communication to actually happen.

Episode 2 p.1: Snow and Scar(s)

I think everyone knows how it wasn't Pearl that came up with the powdered snow bit, it was started by Scar as a way to mess with Grian...

And not only that. Everyone usually thinks about the homewreckers during Double Life but Scar during the season does a lot of things towards making other soulmates pair distrust eachother, he's the one that makes the chicken games and I think he knows full well what he's doing. He knows what happened to Pearl and gives her a way to make it worse knowing that she is going to use it. And she does.

It does take a bit for Scott to notice, after at first he assumes she's just walking into powdered snow by accident... it takes a bit for him to suspect but what sticks with is so much she damages him. Also Scar actively searches for him to give him the snow too which makes things way worse.

And she does a lot of damage. First 4 hearts, then another 6 hearts. She does not eat to spite Scott but this only justifies him in his mind. She justifies herself saying that he has been taking damage so It's fair. Yet when she takes a bunch of damage getting goat horns and he steps in powdered snow using THE SAME EXACT LOGIC as her she takes it personally... And that It's because It's not actually logic, It's both them justifying their actions to themselves over admitting their mistakes and doing so in the same way...

Episode 2 p.2 How it could have been resolved and yet wasn't.

Still when Scott approaches Pearl soon after he's...civil. They aren't mean to eachother, sure Pearl says she's broken hearted but she's the only one that is antagonistic about it Scott actually feels bad about Tilly dying and he tries to explain himself and tries to make small talk... And he manages it, they talk and both of them still think they are in the right but things are fixable at this point in time. Scott explains the damage he's taken and while Pearl doesn't fully believe him It's a start.

And especially Scott says that he and Cleo had bonded the last session and when Pearl says that he can bond more he says that's It's going to take time. This means Pearl still wants a chance to be on a team with Scott and Scott still doesn't hate such an idea. They are still stuck blinded in their own head but in another timeline they are on a team already from the next session.

Except Scott accidentally says "Mine and Pearl's" instead of "Mine and Cleo's" when talking about his base. And Pearl starts manically claiming their base as her own... And CLEO is the one to first say that she's insane. (Cleo: I think she's lost it. Scott: I don't think she ever had it.) And this insane thing is going to stick with Pearl for the rest of the series.

Cleo is a big part because of how she deals with both Scott's and Pearl. She is probably the person Scott trusts the most other then himself and she completely supports him, she completely agrees with him on everything he says. Scott is functionally in an echo chamber in this season. A very sassy one considering their personalities.

Cleo also worsens Pearl this session...surprisingly while trying to help. She genuinely seems to be trying, she's careful and deliberate, subtly implies she should less alone and then states that just because they aren't on the same team doesn't mean Pearl can't be with someone else. She lacks the sarcasm that's usually in her voice and she seems to be genuinely trying to get Pearl to find allies for herself and not be alone...Since her and Scott chose eachother outside the bonds she too could choose to be with who she wanted. But Pearl doesn't listen and all she gets from it is convincing herself to be even more isolated.

The last nail in the coffin has to be Ren and BigB though, they die and immediately accuse her of being a villain a demoness and sorrounded by misfortune. Scott was defensive and Martyn was evasive and Cleo was sarcastic and Scar was manipulative but out of my entire rewatch of Pearl's pov this far it was the worst moment from Pearl's perspective. The most damage done to Pearl in Double Life was given by Ren.

Episode 3 Why is it Scar again, doesn't he have better things to do?

So we have found that Pearl's spiral was started by Martyn and worsened by Scar and then cleo and then Ren and bow It's Scar's turn again. Because session 2 ends with Pearl saying she was just wanting to help and session 3 starts with Scar convincing her to be actively a threat. He manipulated her into ruining the relationship with Scott once and now he's making her become what Ren said she was. So he can sell her stuff.

Now she meets again with Cleo and Scott and well... Nothing of particular importance happens in this one. Except one thing that Scott's says. (Scott's very infamous line "It's hard but once you widdle him down to nothing it works" about Jimmy is given It's actual context and it seems to not refer to Jimmy's self esteem at all so I don't know where that came from. ) Which gives Pearl the idea to annoy Scott even more.

Also important thing that happens soon is Scott saying sorry to Pearl without any sarcasm for taking damage as an olive branch and then suddenly shutting up as he processes that Pearl just created a dirt hut on his bridge. Even he doesn't tell her to take it down but suggests talking to Cleo about it since they build it. Pearl then suggests killing Cleo and even then Scott tries to calm her down by saying she can't because she is green. Pearl actually in canon comments that Scott is really nice to her and then Ren and Martyn fake burning down her base to get her attention.

[alexwilltellyouthings]

Entirely self indulgent rating post about the top 10 TV shows that made me fucking insane for some reason

10. Sense8

God, this was so good. Such a blessing. I saw part of the cast during a Pride Parade and it's one of my favorite memories. I felt every possible emotion with this show, I love it.

9. The Last of Us

This is kind of a cheat, because the obsession comes from the games, but it is what it is. It's one of the few games that had a big impact on me and I closely relate it to my relationship with my dad. Can't wait to cry my heart out at season 2.

8. Good Omens

It's a given, isn't it? That stupid angel with his stupid demon and their stupid God. GRRRAAWW. A lot of thoughts and feelings came from the fandom, I have to point out. It's been very nice.

7. The Umbrella Academy

I have the first issue of the comics autographed by Gerard Way!! I mean, yes, it's because I'm a MCR fan, but it became even more precious after I got into the show. I'm rewatching right now, preparing for the last season. I'll be a mess when I say goodbye to them. Can't even really think about it too hard or I'll cry right now.

Continues under the cut

6. Our Flag Means Death

LISTEN THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING TO ME. What do you mean we can have a show THIS queer? It's all I want now. I ate it up. I smiled so much. I wanted this so badly and had no idea.

5. Interview with the Vampire

Feels like it should be top 3 honestly but I'll get there. This is also a cheat, I've been reading the Vampire Chronicles since I was like 15. Growing up with Anne Rice probably messed me up but hey at least I have great taste. And seeing them on screen? The way they made it BETTER? And Lestat?? Who has been haunting me for 15 years on and off??? And the second season and their reunion and and and?????????? I'm STILL insane about them and will be forever, I'm afraid.

4. Doctor Who

Listen. Listen. Okay. Yeah. What can I say? If you get into it, you're doomed. And I have been doomed for 10 years at least. I stopped watching for a while and got back last year, and it hit me all over again. I love this dumbass genius alien in a way that's calm, even. Just a permanent part of who I am now.

3. The Untamed

The year was 2022, it had been a while since I had a proper fixation and I didn't think it would happen with this danmei live-action, but then came Wei Wuxian. Guys, if I tell you I fell in love. Couldn't stop thinking about him. Everyday I was plagued by his smile and red ribbon and tragic backstory, yadayadayada. I really like other characters too, and their stories, but WWX did something to me that I still don't quite understand.

2. Queer as Folk (US)

This was a looong time ago and it didn't really persist over time like the others, but it was my first actual obsession. I was clinically insane over these gays. I had no one to talk to about them, so for every episode I wrote several pages of notes to comment to my (only) friend at school the next day, the poor thing. It was pretty much all I talked about because I spent EVERY MINUTE we had to talk going over the notes and explaining the episode. Like, between classes, during breaks, everything. Months of that. She held on firmly because she was a good friend, but I'm aware it must've been terrible. Like I said, insane.

1. Dead Boy Detectives

Maybe I'm putting this up here because it's my current hyperfixation? Maybe. But I don't think I have felt something hit as strongly as this since QaF over there. This time I can participate in fandom so I don't need to write every thought I have because it's all a big talk anyway, but I'm still pretty much having those thoughts all the time for *checks notes* nearly three months. I'm writing more than I have in years. I'm back at Tumblr after I don't know how long. I'm staring at GIFs over and over like I have the fucking time for that. I'm distracted at work daily. I talk about it in therapy. I have the main cast's notifications on. I'm getting involved in fandom discourse sometimes even knowing I shouldn't. It's a nightmare. I love it. I love them.

If you read all of this, congrats! Now you know how my mind works, kinda!! I'm open to talk about any and all of these shows. It's amazing how they mess us up. It's also scary, but anyway.

[furinana]

Analyzing each SMTIVA Goddess

As I discussed in this previous post, the Goddess shouldn't necessarily meant to be taken as Dagda ressurecting one of Nanashi's partners with their state of mind right before they died and/or under a 'brainwashed' state.

The difference between Dagda reviving Nanashi&Flynn compared to the partners is that the latter is being done from scratch rather than just healing wounds. And if Dagda is making a person from zero, a body alone won't suffice. He needs 'someone' to remember the soul and reshape as how they were. This is particularly useful to consider as reincarnation is a thing in the SMT4 duology, thus a soul could have infinite shapes.

The Goddesses in Massacre are stated in-game to be Nanashi's memories, in other words, 'ideas', 'interpretations', or 'impressions' that Nanashi had of them when alive.

This means that they could come from different periods from when Nanashi knew them. So many possibilities can be made.

Asahi is seen by many as the 'default Goddess' as she not only is the partner with the biggest emotional factor to be chosen by Nanashi, but she's also the one that you never fight against.

Childhood friend, sibling, lover, whatever it be, you knew and cared for each other the longest out of the cast.

If you side with Dagda in your very first run, it's noticeable that she'd be the only partner that won't have the Awakening Skill (which would strongly inhance her healing if she had it). In other words, her Mediarama would be lacking.

Even putting that aside, she still would be frustrating to be around if you're attempting to summon demons exclusive to fusion accidents due to her AI immediately casting Posumudi on your team (having you and your fodder material sick improves the chances for fusion accidents, remember?).

For these reasons mentioned, it can be stated that a Massacre run with Goddess Asahi would be the least helpful or resourceful one. Very characteristic of our little Asahi.

Anyway it doesn't take a genius to interpret this ending specially with the last particular line your partner gives you as something akin to gods giving birth through divine means.

But the real point behind this post is comparing the different flavors of what each union in this route produces.

Toki's vibe seems more of a possessive Goddess despite both girls meaning the same thing in their dialogue. Fair enough, we're talking about someone that attentively watches Nanashi when he takes a nap.

Fitting to her Cosmic Egg dialogue as she was possessed by Inanna, Toki was the partner that would represent this fertility element in the most explicit way.

As attentive fans might have felt, the Chaos alignment in SMT preach for 'one's return to its roots'. The Ring of Gaea wear ancient Japanese clothes and follows the might of the strong while praying for gods that came prior to the God of Law aka YHVH. Many of the Japanese Gods in the franchise originally belonged to the Chaos alignment for this reason.

It's important to have this in mind to understand the nuance of Toki calling Nanashi "Master". She is basically using an archaic way of a wife referring to her husband, and of course one will immediately put the last piece of the puzzle together: Flynn, the one with Samurai mannerisms, is also conveniently using an archaic way to refer to a Lord since he thinks of himself as Nanashi's subordinate in this ending.

If you pick a male partner for the Goddess role, this extra dialogue plays followed by the partner being particularly surprised by your choice.

Hal is usually not considered in the 'harem' as Asahi and Toki since the girl duo is explicit in several levels above him but... when you think about it, it still makes sense for Hallelujah's character. He blushes multiple times, allows Nanashi to vent alone with him, even goes far as showing annoyance at the prospect of Nanashi showing interest on girls and viceversa.

He is a shy boy whose only reference in his life have been hot-bloodied Ashura-kai he grew up around, so he is just more subtle about it. Don't take a Yakuza affectionately calling you 'bro' as nothing.

I decided to group Asahi, Toki and Hallelujah together because they are the trio with the most, let's say... closeness and emotions-resembling-romance in one-on-one interactions towards Nanashi.

With the most crucial evidence being their final phrase conveying their desire towards the act of childbirth itself for you.

OHHHHHHHHH HOLY MOTHER OF NTR

Regardless of your interpretation concerning how Flynn and Isabeau saw each other, she being Flynn's last living teammate and her devotion towards giving assistance to his savior role grouped with she being neutral at best and being secretly disgusted by Nanashi at worst produces a not very... wholesome picture of this scenario.

If anything, the main reason one would think for why Isabeau continued to place trust on Nanashi's party had more to do with Asahi's presence. Isabeau as a partner is highly valued for her good skills in early game but she interestingly doesn't have close interactions with Nanashi as she has with Asahi.

The messiest element of all is that while Isabeau refuses to let Flynn kill her if Flynn sides with Law or Chaos out of not wanting his hands to get dirty, she will give no dignity to Nanashi and lets the young Hunter do as he pleases with her.

To which one cannot help but think as they watch this ending: Nanashi's memories of Isabeau aren't of warmth or friendship as he'd have for any of his other partners. These memories of Isabeau are based on how he watched Isabeau act towards Flynn.

This Goddess choice was made purely out of spite.

Due to what? Her coldness? Her refusal to think for herself aside mostly working for Flynn's sake?

Or simply to twist her into becoming his own tool instead of Flynn's?

Now start noticing the difference regarding Isabeau and the adults compared to Nanashi's young teen peers.

In the case of the adults, as they were less emotionally involved with Nanashi, they use childbirth more as means towards the end.

While Nozomi's baggage can't be compared to Isabeau's, I think of her as a messy option likewise since siding with Nanashi is going against the alignment she originally stood for, specially considering this memory of Nozomi has Danu inside her (she only got to know Nanashi after becoming the Queen of Fairies after all).

Goddess Nozomi particularly gave me a strong impression due to her being the only partner boasting her final quote with a determined face compared to others looking content or prideful. Then you remember why one of her skills is named the way it is.

Nanashi and Nozomi's relationship could be seen as a mirror to the tense mother-son rivalry between Dagda and Danu (which are essentially the main sides you can choose from) but also, when you think about before they even met each other, both were weak characters needing Flynn's help initially. However, through forming a contract to become an 'extension' of a Celtic deity, they gradually became able to stand on their own.

So Nanashi and Nozomi thematically are foils to each other and would be at odds not even necessarily due to each's own sense of morality but because they literally owe how far they got to the blessings Dagda and Danu gave them, respectively. To this argument, Nanashi definitely would pick her with spite just like with Isabeau.

While moments related to his character growth are mostly directed to characters that aren't Nanashi per se in the main story, I deem Gaston as the 'least detached' from the adult group as his attitude shift to protect Nanashi in his endgame partner lines gives you an impression that he developed a bias for the boy he once deemed filthy nonetheless, alongside his intense heartbroken reaction if Nanashi sides with Dagda in contrast to Nozomi's and Isabeau's cold approaches.

You could theorize that Gaston possibly reached the point of placing his full trust in Nanashi once the fact that the boy was the reincarnation of Akira AKA the very first king of Mikado was out, which means Nanashi indeed felt like the blessed figurehead he was desiring to fight for after distancing himself from Merkabah. The irony in Massacre is that it ended up being that Nanashi did not, in fact, want to follow Akira's steps.

The way I see Goddess Gaston in Massacre, his role strongly matches Flynn's. Both think of themselves as retainers for Nanashi.

Isabeau fought to serve Flynn, Nozomi fought to shield her fairy allies and Gaston fought to eliminate threats against his kingdom.

Nanashi redirected their loyalty towards himself.

I left Navarre for last and separated from the two groups I mentioned since he's, by all purposes, the intended comical exception:

He is the only Goddess where Nanashi still uses his help instead of manipulating the Energy Sword on his own. He is the oldest of the cast and yet he is probably one of the characters with most emotional moments alone with Nanashi (in fact, the very last message in your inbox regardless of your Goddess of choice is always him pleading you to not regret your actions). And most of all, even above Asahi or Toki themselves, he seems the most... in-character of all the Goddesses.

One could argue that perhaps since he never had a body and could potentially shift his attitude according to the circumstances, his ending could even just be interpreted as he being held in custody by Dagda and just being released later.

Navarre only followed Nanashi in the first place because he had nothing or nobody else to turn to. He betrayed his kingdom, became unable to face his family and past teammates, died at the hands of a demon and on top of it all, was unable to go to the other side.

And then he saw Nanashi. A hopeless soul unable to die just like he was. Nanashi and Navarre's bond was entirely out of chance and yet it could be said it was one of the most genuine of them.

Navarre could simply wander off from Nanashi once he noticed something wrong was happening, as he had no social obligations or strong ties. Nanashi could simply use Dagda's power to destroy the Energy Barriers himself, as shown in the other Goddess routes. But they kept being the company of each other in their lonely state of neither-life-or-death.

If Nanashi would choose the first Goddess group out of emotional ties and the second group for their use as tools, Navarre would essentially be Nanashi finding solace with the one he not necessarily cared about or found useful but just was always the most similar to: a detached soul that no matter what, stubbornly refused death.

Navarre despite everything, was able to meet Nanashi. After all they went through together, he becomes sure he will be able to meet many more like him.

[some-name-in-progress]

Week 2, and I'm back with 12 more stories. So I tried to keep a pace of 2 stories per day, but I honestly got tripped up on SpoJoy, and it threw me off. On the bright side, if I make up the 2 stories I missed and keep up with 14 stories per week, I should finish in about 4 1/2 weeks, just around the time for 4th Anni (for reference, if anyone did this method staring from Saki’s first focus, it would take them around 10 weeks). Anyways, here are my thoughts.

What Lies Beyond Guiding a Lost Child:

This event honestly hit kinda hard. The dynamic between Mafuyu and her mother feels painfully real. I know that this is the beginning of Mafuyu being put the metaphorical blender, but this event felt very nice at the end.

Desperate Times?! Island Panic!:

I genuinely forgot that there's an event where WxS nearly dies. I honestly don't have much to say about this event, but I didn't really expect it to really drill the fact that WxS might disband. On the other hand, have this meme from the translator of this event (Arvon Oven)

Let's Enjoy Together! SpoJoy Park:

No offense to any SopJoy shooters, but I don't care for this event much. Nice that there's more character interactions. Also, I'm praying Kanade gets therapy eventually, because what do you mean you don't think you should have fun.

The Vivid Old Tale:

The devs really wanted to see how much foreshadowing they can cram in one event, huh? I can't remember how many times I saw something and thought, "Oh my God, that's evil."

No seek No find:

Saki's honestly such a tragic character; it's a shame most people in this fandom are Tuskasa fans (thisisajokethisisajokethisisajoke). It's great to see her backstory, considering it's one of the best ones in the game and hits like a truck. Shout-out to Karin Isobe for her performance in Chapter 6 because she really performed out of her mind.

close game/OFFLINE:

I remember this was the event that came out on JP when I started playing Project Sekai seriously, so it's nice to finally get to it. This event is fine. It has nice character interactions and funny moments, but I don't feel strongly towards it

Chasing The Sparkle Beyond the Blue Sky:

This event is event is nice. It's your annual beach event, but you can clearly see it affects MMJ. Minori's growth feels especially nice. Also, (Spoilers for Sk8 the infinity) a heartfelt confession between two close friends with warm and cold color pallets in front of an Okinawan beach? Close enough, welcome back, Renga.

And Now, I Wear This Ribbon:

I feel betrayed by you, PRSK Tumblr. When I saw this event first come out on both JP and EN, the impression I got is that this event was about Mizuki’s gender, and I would expect that, but then I actually saw the event. This event is NOT about gender. This event is about using the internet and media as a means of escaping the pain of reality and finding people who accept you. Let's have a real moment for a second; why are you, someone who is probably a nuerodivergent minor, here, enjoying stories about other probably neurodivergent minors? Why do we spend so much time here enjoying this silly little game? The answer? Because you have used escapism to find a source of enjoyment and comfort, and so have I. Whether it be drawing, writing, or some other way of interaction, that's probably why you're here (and probably why you're on Tumblr). The way Mizuki and Ena act is very obviously escapism, and it feels extremely real.

Don't lose faith!:

It's nice to see Leo/need pushing themselves towards their dream so strongly. Their frustration feels very natural, and I like it.

Paint What I Love ♪ Rainbow Canvas:

The event is short and sweet, but it gets its point across well. The way Ena, Honami, and Emu interact is honestly kinda fun, and I honestly hope to see more of this group. Also, Hinata cameo after like a year (I think).

Walk on and on

Nice to see Kohane and Toya more involved in the process of music creation since they feel more removed from Vivid Street than An and Akito due to their backstories. Also:

(This joke is really convenient for this game)

At This Festival Bathed in Twilight:

Nice way to see everyone interact with each other, but that's not as important; let's talk about Mafuyu. I was honestly really surprised to see her open up to Emu and Rui, but good for her, I guess??? This event really opened my eyes to Mafuyu, as I was left with one thought, "Oh, this just depressed." I know that seems like a gross reduction of her character, but once you view it like that, it becomes a lot easier to understand Mafuyu. Throughout the entire game, Mafuyu is treated like someone who's egregiously far gone, but she's still a person. I feel like a good number of people fall into this pit of minimizing Mafuyu to just "emotionless girl" that she feels less like a character and more like an object, and I fell into too, but her characterization here makes it clear that she's still a person with wants and desires, she just needs to dig deep to find them.

Additional thoughts:

I've noticed a lot of overlap in the last few events, from stuff like song making to even stuff like training camps that it honestly feels a bit repetitive to have them so close together, but they feel varied enough to not really be a bother.

Anyways, onto the next batch.

[shinestarhwaa]

QUERENCIA - CHAPTER 3: WILDEST DREAMS

Navigation:

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Word Count: 2K

Tags/warnings: wet dream, masturbation, sexual tension, mild angst

ENJOY!

"Oh, oh, yes, like that, fuck me like that!" Evelyn panted out, face pressed down in the sheets as Wooyoung fucked her into the matrass from behind. "Yeah? You like that?" He smirked as he smacked his big veiny hand on her juicy ass.

"Mm, yes, just like that! I love it so much!" She whined loudly. He pounded his cock into her so fast he swore he'd combust. It only took a few more thrusts for him to-

"Wake up"

What?

"Wake up," Yeosang whined as he shook Wooyoung's shoulder. Wooyoung sat up straight again, eyes wide open. He felt his cock pulsating in his joggers. The older one shook him again, more annoyed now.

"Are you gonna get out of the car or what? We're here. We're gonna eat chicken." Wooyoung nodded and got up, stepping out of the car, barely realizing where he was. As he walked into the restaurant with the other guys he felt his hot cum sticking in his underwear.

The men sat down at a table and were quick to order as it was quite some time after dinner hours. Wooyoung sighed, rubbing his eyes as he tried to take in what just happened. He had a wet dream where he actually came for the first time in years, and not just a wet dream, it was a wet dream about Evelyn, his dongsaeng. Oh this was bad. So bad.

Wooyoung strongly hoped nobody had seen him doing or saying anything weird in his sleep, but he figured they hadn't as the guys didn't say anything about it. They discussed about a stupid game Wooyoung did not care too much about. When the chicken came he was quick to stuff his mouth full with it, just to have something else to think about.

"So, Woo, are we gonna talk at all about what you were dreaming about?" San grinned, a slight smirk forming on his lips. Oh God no. "What?" Wooyoung asked, eyes big and wide open. "What did I do?" He asked nervously. "You were constantly shifting and making some kind of grunty...moany sound," Yeosang explained. Wooyoung thought deeply for a second, just to find something to cover his wet dream.

"I think I was getting chased or something," he blurted out. Most of the guys took his answer for the truth, but San's stare lingered on him. Wooyoung raised his eyebrow, mentally questioning him what he's on about. He knew him far too well to believe he wasn't having sexy dreams, but the others luckily had no idea. Wooyoung tried to avoid San's gaze as he felt himself blush whenever he met his eyes.

He was in trouble now.

♡

As Jongho laid in his bed he stared at the ceiling, thinking about Gayoung's beautiful voice. He put in his earbuds and searched up video's of her. The man felt a little silly like this, as if he was a fanboy, which he kinda was but that ain't the point.

It's been two weeks since Jongho sang his duet with Gayoung and he had been feeling lighter and happier ever since. They didn't necissarily have any lovesongs in their new album but he couldn't help but think about Gayoung anyways as he practiced, imagining that she watched him and cheered him on.

They had spoken for a while after it, talking about how they had started singing and why they felt so passionate about it. It somehow deepened their somewhat 'friendship' situation, although he was still left confused about if they were friends or collegues.

Hours ticked away on the clock as Jongho managed to watch every single fancam, every compilation and every Live clips of her in existance. He giggled like a teenage girl looking at her crush. Maybe he was looking at his crush.

Listening to her vocals in Donna's first album was going to be his new favourite hobby, for sure. He replayed it until he fell in a deep sleep, only to wake up around 8AM with the album still on. Did he actually stream this all night?

"Good for the charts, I guess," he sighed as he rubbed his eyes. He got up and put his earbuds back in their case. He made his way to the bathroom and took off his clothes, stepping into the shower. Jongho took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart down before facing Hongjoong and Wooyoung. He simply could not face them as he was all giddy.

After washing up Jongho took care of his skin, mumbling the words to Gayoung's parts in No Good Reason as he did so. Wooyoung stepped into the bathroom, fuck.

Okay, act normal, act normal, Jongho thought as he fixed his hair, but it was hard to hide his excitement. Wooyoung patted Jongho's back. "Good morning," he said as he brushed his hair back. "Morning, Wooyoung," Jongho smiled. Wooyoung was a little surprised to see Jongho so perky early in the morning, but let it slide. He had more important stuff to deal with.

He had trouble sleeping now because he got horny so easily. Maybe he truly was sex deprived because everything turned him on and also everything made him think about Evelyn, as if he was under some kind of spell, but he was so ready to stay under her spell.

♡

Seonghwa sat by his desk after he shut off his YouTube livestream. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair after putting his phone to the side. He had promised Atiny's to do a live today, even though he didn't truly feel like coming online.

It had been a rough time with a lot of pressure on the comeback-preparations, and Seonghwa felt somewhat drained. He absorbed himself in Animal Crossing and Zelda games, so much it started to annoy his members. He felt uncomfortable, yet he did not wanna confess as he was afraid to be a bother during this busy time.

He was used to being the members' rock, the shoulder they cry on and each of them actually would. He was grateful, but felt lonely, maybe not being seen as much right now. Seonghwa found himself craving attention and before he could contemplate too much he got up and entered San's room.

San was laying in bed, watching funny animal video's as he snuggled up in his sheets. "Hey hyung, what's up?" San asked as he sat up. Seonghwa shrugged a little before shuffling closer to San. "What are you upto?" He asked.

"Just watching some videos." San patted next to him on the bed, inviting Seonghwa in. "What's going on?"

Seonghwa sighed and rested his head on San's shoulder. "Just struggling with the pressure, I'm not statisfied with my part yet but the music video shooting is coming up and... I just lost confidence. I don't feel seen, which I know, it's ridiculous," Seonghwa mumbled.

"Hwa, hyungie, they are your feelings, your emotions. They aren't ridiculous or silly or weird. If that's how you feel that is just how you feel, hm? Do we not check in as much? Cause I can pay attention to that. And your part is truly amazing, we are all so proud of you," San smiled, immediately lifting Seonghwa's energy.

"Really?" "Yes really, you are truly the coolest~ you've been looking great too, there is nothing to worry about."

Seonghwa nuzzled his face into San's neck as he sighed, wrapping his arm around him. "It's okay to feel like this... But it isn't necissary okay?" "Okay," Seonghwa nodded. "You'll do great, I promise, everyone will love you and hype you up, like I do." "You are the best Sannie."

The door opened again, revealing a wet-haired Mingi. "Hey, what's going on? Are we having a mountain-cuddle party?" "Somewhat, yeah," San chuckled, making Seonghwa smile too. Mingi took a sprint towards San's bed, jumped and landed on top of the two boys who yelled at him in pain.

"Yah, Mingi!" Seonghwa laughed as he scolded him. "Mountain cuddle party!" Mingi cheered, shaking his head like a dog so the water droplets from his hair ended up in San's face and sheets. "Aish you-"

"Love you too Mountain."

♡

It was another day of work, but today KQ decided to give their artists some kind of update on new boring policies that the guys and girls couldn't care less about if they were honest. They were seated in a room as they listened to the chairmen, but a few of them rather paid attention to something - or someone - else.

Wooyoung's eyes met Evelyn's from across the room. He couldn't help but bite his lip as they held eyecontact, until he noticed her eyes were scanning his body. A light smirk played on his lips as he looked away, feeling his ego being boosted like crazy. She was actually checking him out.

He tried to steal glances at her when she wasn't looking, admiring how her flowery sundress hugged her figure. It was cute, but the chunky boots and the sexy eyeliner made his blood coil in his veins, in all the spicy ways.

If he got like 10.000 won for every time he had thought of her whenever they made a joke about their upcoming title track, he'd be a billionaire by now.

When the chairmain dismissed them Wooyoung found himself walking behind her. She suddenly dropped her phone out of her hands, excused herself for being clumsy and casually bended forward to pick it up, giving him a perfect view of her behind. Now she knew she was trying to give him a peek on purpose. She wanted it just as badly as he did, he just needed to get her alone.

The entire day he was busy with preparations and photoshoots and that thankfully distracted him for the most part, but the real insanity began as he entered his bedroom. He leaned against the wall, throwing back his head as he sighed.

His cock hardened in his pants when he recalled the moment he had the perfect view on her ass. Wooyoung palmed himself through his jeans, biting his lip. He got out of his clothes within a few seconds, shimmied down his underwear and got into his bed.

His phone screen lit up the room as he searched for Evelyn's pictures. His heart nearly stopped when he found a picture of her on stage, her clothing short, tight and dark, God was it tight, and Wooyoung prayed for forgiveness when he slid his hand to his crotch.

His hand wrapped around his hardened cock, and he hissed at the feeling. Wooyoung spat on his hand and used it as a lubricant to work up his cock. He fucked into his fist at a slow pace, scanning her beautiful features as he looked at her pictures.

Oh he was going to hell for this, masturbating to her pictures. Was this even okay to do? Pleasure overtook him as he jerked himself off faster, so focussed on the girls' lips and sensual eyes. Wooyoung clenched his eyes shut as he felt himself getting closer. He pictures her hands on him, her mouth on him. Maybe she'd take his cock into her mouth and-

Wooyoung spilled his seeds all over his hand, coming with a low groan. He grabbed a tissue and cleaned his hand but his length stayed so hard, so hard.

The boy started to put his dancer hips to use, sensually rolling his hips into his fist. He bit his lip to stop himself from moaning as he pictured her wet cunt swallowing him whole. "Oh Evelyn, that is so fu-fucking good," he grunted.

He knew she'd take him so well in her little pussy. She was asking for it, she wanted it just as much as him. The neediness became too much for him as he rutted into his fist until he came once more, groaning and moaning her name as silent as he could.

She truly took him to the seventh heaven, even if she hadn't touched him. Yet. But he's change that soon enough.

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @star1117-archives @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @lemonhongjoong @babesindestroyland @changbinslovelylegs

[place-o-ponderance]

Most people first got introduced to Mario with perhaps his hottest new game. Mario blasted his way into my life in a really strange way. I don't think i knew about Mario at all until i was in first grade. Other kids i went to school worshiped Mario, and i didn't exactly join in, because how could i? this was so new and foreign to me. The first Mario game i ever played was New Super Mario Bros. Wii. one of my parents must've bought it around the time it came out. again, the memory is fuzzy. But anyways, this game was unbelievably hard for me. in fact? I still think it is. I'm bad at 2D platformers. (still have never beaten it) That wasn't what mattered to me, though. A factor of this game had me hooked: Yoshi. Discovering Yoshi was nothing short of enchanting. I needed Yoshi in my life. Young Rudy was enthralled by animals (still am, obviously) and these creatures were what truly opened my eyes. I'd panic if he got hit and ran around. The game was infinitely more fun with him. After the first early levels where you have Yoshi, i no longer felt motivated to move on. it only got more difficult for my young mind. "How could i do it without him?" Anyways, i got figures of Mario and Yoshi around this time as well. I considered Luigi, but i could only get two. there's no way i couldn't have Yoshi, or Luigi without Mario, so he was axed. (A similar core memory involved me choosing between a Sonic and Shadow plush at Toys R Us. I didn't have any Sonic games, but i knew something was a bit sinister about Shadow. I strongly considered him, but in the end, Sonic was chosen. Sometimes i wonder if it was a butterfly effect. Perhaps i'd be a different person if i'd picked Shadow instead.) To young Rudy, the history of Mario was really vague and mysterious. "How does my uncle know him?" I'd wonder. Before getting other games like Super Mario Galaxy, and Super Paper Mario (AGAIN, were too hard to beat. SPM is lost to the winds of time, and SMG is too scratched to play) i was introduced to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show !!!!!!!! yeah. I had DVDs of that. Did it have an impact on how i perceived Mario? hell, probably. I thought of Bowser as 'King Koopa' because of it, and found myself primarily using the title, much to the dismay of my peers. I think in my eyes, i believed it to be a larger part of the Mario mythos that it actually was. I didn't even know how old the show was, but I could tell it wasn't recent. Before i had access to the internet, i'd still wonder about Mario's past. How did he become so popular? Is he really old? i had no knowledge of older Mario games. I had a real shithead friend in first/second grade, who would tell me all kinds of tall tales. (this kid was a riot, his influence may appear in future posts) But the point is, young Rudy was very gullible. Perhaps too gullible for his own good. And as such, many adults and kids alike would take advantage of this fact for their amusement. I've had a very vivid, and sometimes gruesome imagination ever since i was young. Upon asking a Mario themed question, the kid (we'll call him C.W.) had a story to tell me. what i remember of it, is: "Mario and Luigi were real life plumbers in the 1930s. They fought real minions of Bowser and ate fire flowers and mushrooms for power ups. and eventually they lost. They died in a horrific, bloody accident. Even though Mario is dead, the games are based on his adventures." I wish i remembered more, because i really did believe it. I found it to be bone-chilling, even. There was probably a more specific detail about him being mauled by Bowser or impaled with spikes that made it extra unsettling to me. I think the real kicker was the fact that Mario was "a real person" who "is actually DEAD" that made it so impactful. I don't even remember if Luigi was in it.

Super Mario Odyssey is a good game. I managed to beat that one.

-Rudy

[void-kissed]

13 15 and 16 for the end of the year ask game !

Sure thing, Hope!! Thank you very much for sending these!~

(question source: "✨ end of the year selfship ask game ✨" by interstellarboyfriend)

13. if you’ve had any F/O(s) for longer a year, did you find out anything new and surprising about them this year? Did this change your relationship change in any way? - I found out that Luna doesn't get permanently killed off, if that counts!! Which.. didn't technically change anything in our relationship because I was already changing that bit of the story in my favour anyway, but it was still very good to find out once Reborn's final episode released back in.. either April or May. Oh, and I also found out Reborn has a timeskip in it, which I was surprised to learn since I didn't expect it (although given I knew there'd be a Celebi quest, maybe I should have), but it was really fun getting to see all the characters' appearances after 10 years pass for them, once I got to that point in my own playthrough. Luna having cat ear headphones after that timeskip was definitely a surprise, but a very great one (as it means we can now canonically wear them together and be matching and I thought that would be cute ^-^)

15. did you find out anything new and surprising about yourself through selfshipping this year? - Umm.. all that's coming to mind is that I am still, in fact, able to form crushes on new male characters (in this instance, Grusha from Pokémon), and the two that I currently romantically selfship with (N and Skye) aren't characters I have feelings for just because I've known about them and played their source games since I was much younger? I've always been very unwilling to specify my sexuality using any terms more specific than "sapphic", because I wasn't sure how my feelings worked in their entirety; I just knew I liked girls, so to speak. It's, in that time, a term I've come to associate with myself rather strongly, so I will still continue to identify as it rather than anything more specific for that reason. But, catching romantic feelings for a character who wasn't female hadn't happened to me until 2022, so finding out that was still something that could happen came as a surprise.

16. did you pick up a new piece of media because of an F/O this year? - Yes, actually! Specifically, it was Fire Emblem: Three Houses, because I had started to selfship with Petra and Hapi (and had started to work on my self-insert for that game, Catarina) before I actually got a chance to play the game myself, though I had seen two of the routes already. I got lucky in finding a physical copy in a game shop on the same day that Three Hopes came out, so I had to make sure I didn't accidentally get the wrong one, but it all worked out and I proceeded to gain 100 hours of playtime on it in what felt like very little time, haha. It's a fun game!~

I hope that all of those answers are alright! Thank you very much once again for sending in the questions - I hope that you are having a very good whatever-time-of-day-it-currently-is-for-you ^-^

[writing-desk-rae]

Don't Get Me Started!

We are all made of Dreams Part 1

Posted on AO3

Hob get tricked into ranting about Shakespeare by his student. This would be fine, if His Stranger wasn't standing at the door.

Fandom: Sandman

Pairing: pre-Hob/Dream

Laughter came from the back of the class, rousing Hob from his marking. It was the last lesson before Easter break, and after a quick multiple choice test that was mostly for show, Hob had let his small A Level chemistry class entertain themselves for the rest of the hour. Hob smiled bemused, as the small group of, usually, quiet and well behaved students laughed themselves sick, talking over each other with glee. Unable to resist good cheer, he made his way over with a smile, which his student returned. He was well liked, as well liked as any teacher could be he supposed.

“Well now I have to know,” he smirked at them, causing more sniggering, “common, share with the class.”

“Oh it just some stupid game Allen read about online,” Emma replied, “it’s called Don’t Get Me Started, I’m not very good, but Allen’s putting on a show.”

“Want to join us Teach,” Allen, quiet but secretly trouble, was not hiding his shit eating grin.

Oh well, I never could resist a challenge.

“Very well, how do we play?”

Other student moved in closer, ever eager for good humour.

“we give you a topic, and you have to rant about it for as long as possible. We’ll time you, but cut off is 10 minutes.”

“Hit me.”

Hob had just enough time to recognise the flash of danger in the mirth filled eyes of his favourite student, and then-

“William Shakespeare.”

Hob froze. Oh shit. “This is a trap!” His student started to laugh, “ok who sold me out?”

“Three…two…one” fuck it “go!”

And he went.

On and on, all restraint out the wind, ranting about that good for nothing William Shakespeare what gripped and groaned about the hard work needed to be successful and even wished to make a deal with the devil for better writing abilities, and how everyone was so focused on Shakespeare the person, if we must discuss him can’t if just be about his work and, not like it was that good anyway, pretentious overbearing codswollop, and more than-

“Time!”

The class was howling as Hob panted trying to regain is breath and self control. He shook his head, and joined in the laughter, trying and failing to find out how his student knew to ask him that.

“Why Hob,” Hob spun on the spot towards the open door, where The Stranger stood with Mrs Collins from the office? “I had no idea you felt so strongly on this matter.” The smile of his face was blatant to anyone, practically the equivalent of howling laughter.

Hob stood, shocked to silence, and frozen in place, while his student stared at the stranger in his classroom.

“Hello Dream, how are you? How have you been keeping? I’m very well thank you old friend, thank you for asking,” and since when was the stranger sarcastic?

“No!” Hob cried out, and instantly flushed with embarrassment, shocked eyes of his student now on him. “It’s just…” 30 years late, then 2 visits in a month, what the hell. And how come he never got a name, not once in 600 years, but suddenly everyone and their aunt knows to call him Dream?

“what are you doing I’m my classroom?”

Dream raised an imperious eyebrow, “I’ll leave, shall I?”

“Oh Mr Gadling, your nice young friend here said he was in town for a surprise visit but had lost his phone! No way to contact you. He was just going to leave a message but I told him that it was the last day of term so he wouldn’t be interrupting anything, and he said he’d never seen you teach or where you worked so I thought-“

“Thank you, Mrs Collins, that was very kind.” Hob could feel the flush coming up the back of his neck.

“I’ll leave you boys to it then. It was lovely to meet you Morpheus,” and what the fuck, “do keep our Mr Gadling out of trouble.”

“I’ll do my best,” it was almost a laugh in Morpheus’ voice as Mrs Collins swanned back out to the room, leaving chaos, as always, in her wake.

“That woman is a hurricane,” Allen said, with a great deal of respect, which is the only reason the Hob didn’t scold him.

“Forgive me,” Emma leaned over the desk behind her now facing The Stran-Morpheus, “Morpheus, as in the god of sleep and dreams?”

“Hence my friends call me Dream.” Hob caught The Strangers, Dreams, eyes. It was a promise, an invitation, an apology. Hob smiled, just a little.

“We’ll you succeeded on the surprise Dream,” Hob couldn’t help but chuckle.

“So did you, I had no idea that you disliked the works of Shakespeare so much.” Dream, and god was that weird and brilliant and earth shattering, tilted his head to one side, reminiscent of a curious cat, “tell me this isn’t about Dear Will.”

“Dear Will,” Hob couldn’t stop the instant sneering, practically spitting the name from his mouth.

Dreams eyes narrowed, then widened with realisation, and then the widest smile Hob had ever seen on his friends face spread from cheek to cheek showing far too much teeth. This was a dangerous smile as much as his eyes were playful and full of mirth. Like a cat playing with a mouse.

“Oh, it is.” Dream prowled, oh god he’s never moved like that before, closer to Hob, who moved back a step on instinct alone.

“What could possibly cause such poison against all the works of Shakespeare?”

Smug bastard.

“Ok there’s a story here, please share it!” Oh, thanks Alice.

“No.”

“Many years ago-“

“Dream!”

Laughter from the students, no loyalty there.

“Many years ago, during a pre-arranged night out with my dear friend here, I abandoned him to seek the company of a young amateur writer by the name of Will, after I heard him reciting one of Shakespeare sonnets from memory.” Ok that was a fairly well edited version of events.

Hob couldn’t help muttering under his breath about ‘Dear Will’ and Shakespeare and all writers in general, knowing he was giving too much away, and strode over to his desk, shoving his marking into his case. Dream could obviously smell the blood in the water.

“He was rather handsome.”

“Was he,” Hob snapped, snapping the case shut rather firmly, “I didn’t notice.

“Sung so beautifully from sweet lips.”

Hob grit his teeth.

“Talented tongue.”

Hob swung around to face Dream once more, seething.

Dream smirked, “for sonnets.”

His student were really laughter at him now, but at least they had the sense to keep in quiet.

“The way he trembled,” Dreams laughing eyes were the last straw. That's it one more word from him-

The look in Dreams eyes shifted, and Hob felt pinned in place, like a butterfly on a board.

“Tell me Hob Gadling,” Dreams smile softened into a true smile, one Hob knew so well, “why does my brief association with Will still bother you?”

Hob swallowed around the lump in his throat. You know why. You know, otherwise you wouldn’t have said all those things. You bastard.

The bell rang for the end of class, and end of day. Thank god.

“Right, all of you out! Have a good Easter, if you don’t want to come back to an exam you’ll tell no one about this.”

Awws and grumbling filled the room as the student flocked out, but a couple wished Hob a nice break, so he took that for a win.

“Walk me out.” It wasn’t a question.

Hob sighed, then followed Dream out the door, and the school, on to the sunny streets of London. “Shall we go to The New Inn?” We always meet at an inn, not my classroom oh my god what is happening?

“No. I must return to my work,” Dream watched Hob with his not-smile, “I look forward to our next meeting. Perhaps then you will answer my question.”

Hob swallowed again, “100 years?”

“No”

“Sooner?”

“Yes. And I shall give you answers as well, you have my word. But we’ll need more than a night.”

Hob couldn’t breath.

“I’ve got all this week free, no kids to teach. I’m staying above The New Inn, just, ugh, just come whenever.” Hob could feel the flush on the back of his neck return. Real smooth you smuck.

“Then I shall join you soon.” Dream stepped right into Hobs space, “until we next meet, Hob Gadling.” And with that whisper in his ear and the slight brush of lips over his cheek that may have just as easily been a brush of imagination, Dream was gone, as though he was never there at all.

His name is Dream. And he was flirting with me. That’s new.

Hob shook himself. Right, home. He set off.

And to the internet, he thought, time to look into this Morpheus god of dreams.

Thank you for reading! Comments feed me, so on and so forth

If this goes down well, I'll probably move the rest of my complete works over as well. If you can't wait that long, my AO3 is here.

[ocean-anchored]

Dear future self... May 3, 2024

This year really is flying by... and it scares me. I want to assume that these thoughts & feelings are mostly stirring because I'm starting my period soon so I'm extra sensitive & emotional & probably just not thinking straight. But I just can't shake this feeling again. It's like time I was here & started to feel like I was overstaying... it's not that I feel like I'm overstaying because I know he's happy I'm here, I just... idk. I have some really strongly off feelings that have been making me question & I'm just really afraid. I tried to pay it off last night before bed in hopes to wake up better, but I still woke up like this. Yesterday was good, there really wasn't anything wrong. We had a chill day & evening. I played some H.P & then took a bath. He gamed which was fine & I said anyway that he was good to game the rest of the night since I would read after the bath. I came out maybe around 9:30pm? Again it was fine, then I read for a while & then idk what kept going sideways, maybe my thoughts. He was talking to the guys about what I assume is his boys weekend golf trip which I knew he would be doing, & I know he said the other day asking if there was anything major that was happening this summer to be around for which really wasn't much. I think I just feel worried about the summer. Ill continue that in a moment. But that obviously struck my worry again. After reading it was around 11? 11:30pm? I was going to go to bed but he stayed up, which really is fine. I didn't expect him to come to bed regardless if I wanted a bit of attention but he stayed up playing H.P, didn't really have the best "good night" but whatever. I fell asleep after midnight & he hadn't been in bed. I woke up sometime & felt for him cause I didn't hear him come in, he put his hand on me for a few mins but then took it back. That was the only cuddling we had last night... for just a moment. Not that we need to but it just felt off. Then all morning after my alarms nothing, I got up before 8am & he stayed on his side. I kissed his ear & he groaned for a moment that was it, barley acknowledging. Idk & maybe I'm just straight overthinking it again. A couple nights ago we had a nice evening where he muted the TV & just gave me full attention, asking every part of my day & really created conversation for just us, it was really nice honestly. We talked about the summer then, plans etc. I think he mentioned something about going away together on a little trip, I think I jokingly said we don't really have much time since he's in golf tourneys every other weekend all summer. We talked about NFL & visiting my grandparents which would be so nice... it was sweet. TO visit them since they wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. I liked the idea. I guess I just fear that all of this stuff is just words.

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today I'm gonna play: Persona 3 Portable (PSP)

Just going to note that it's been 4 years since I last played this game so I have to incorporate my thoughts back then and now, as I've just finished the game. I know I said I have an RPG burnout previously, but I've been playing this one in between my other games. Anyways, long anecdote incoming!!

Knowing about this series' existence is a long story. When I was a kid, I remember browsing the RPG page of Wikipedia because I was a fan of Cloud from Final Fantasy 7, so I got to learn the genre that brought out all these fantastic characters with deep stories. I strongly remember this picture, where the protagonist is sitting on a desk and using the computer ''all day''. I didn't think much of it back then, but the picture was pretty prominent to me. And although there's a running joke that Persona players don't know or play their origin series, it was the opposite for me. I knew Shin Megami Tensei (SMT) first before Persona, through their MMORPG SMT: Imagine. I never got far with the game but I also loved MMORPGs too at the time. Fast forward years later where I'm studying for my final exams in high school, I often listened to music while writing my notes and doing past papers. Lo-Fi, City Pop and wave genres were growing at the time and they were useful for my studies. But I kept seeing this "Emotional Persona Music Mix (Study/Work)" playlist pop up in my recommendations, and I thought ''Ugh, fine. I'll play this so I can get rid of it.''. (Un)surprising to say, the soundtrack of this series slaps. Lots of good melodies to study to, but what caught my attention the most was the rainy version of Beneath The Mask. I loved the song SO much, that this was what convinced me to try the series. I wanted to try Persona 5, but I didn't have a PS3. My only option was to play Persona 3 Portable (P3P) on the PSP. With all of this occurring during exam season, I thought ''Hm, I'll just try this game out for a bit, and then I'll play after my exams.''. I was wrong. So. So. Wrong.

Somehow, I ended up spending my mornings until 10AM (my study time) just grinding and exploring what this game had to offer WHILE I had exams that literally played a role in what universities I could apply to. Needless to say, I aced those exams. So, playing Persona/listening to their OSTs = good grades?? However, at some point I reached near the endgame (where a certain male character joins the school), and the Persona 3 and 5 Dancing games were being revealed. I saw comments about ''Door-kun'' and ''Blue Jesus'' jokes and I thought ''Huh? Did I miss a joke in the game? Let me search them up.''. To this day I regret ever doing that. Little did I know that those jokes were actually gigantic spoilers... and that completely broke my interest in continuing forward. Life just felt meaningless (joking). To those who intend to play the any of the Persona 3 versions or the remake, PLEASE don't google what those terms are. I kept trying to force myself to play, but it didn't work. Until very recently when I started listening to the OST again, but this time the ones from the female protagonist (FemC), whom I never played. Somehow her tracks have this really weird sense of nostalgia of simpler, younger days... and that yet again, has convinced me to give the game another chance, but through the female route this time to catch up on the story, cause I forgot.

Ok! Anecdote done.

To this day, I'm not sure what exactly has captured my heart when it comes to Persona 3. I have recently tried Persona 5 Royal (P5R) and 4 Golden (P4G). But I couldn't stick with them after two bosses, because those two games definitely have better gameplay (especially 5), and admittedly character dynamics (in regards to 4). I deduced that Shuffle Time acts as a gambling mechanic that hooked me into constantly wanting EXP, weapons and money, as well as the urge to get to the top asap. I did feel the latter with 5 in a way when it came to exploring the palaces in 1-2 days. But if Persona was just about combat, I don't think I'd play this game as much as I actually am, especially in endgame as I grinded to get everything in preparation for the final boss. But rather, it's this unique feature of being able to live a proper double life as a regular person during the day (or high school student to be exact), and fighting creatures at night. It's the stuff you'd see as premises in cartoons, except you actually get to immerse yourself in this kind of life, which turns out to be very fun, and quite emotional too! You get to meet characters from all walks of life, hearing out their stories and problems, and creating potentially unbreakable bonds with them. And these aren't just filler like what other games typically do with NPCs, they actually influence your EXP bonus when you create new personas. Everything you do in the game has to be carefully planned, yet nothing feels like it's a waste of time. For a game that's really long, I feel it actually respects my time.

But, there is a disconnect that I've felt after catching up to the story via FemC and then moving to my original save file with the protagonist (will refer as MC). FemC's dialogue choices and relationships feel so much more natural than MC. I do recall liking Junpei, Ken, and Yukari when I first played, but that's because they generally have more screentime with MC as they're classmates. I even find NPCs like Maiko and Kenji memorable (but I don't remember the latter's story). But with FemC on the other hand, I started to love everyone I met! It felt like there were genuine bonds being made with the FemC. Going back to MC's save was a mental shock to be honest. His responses are more deadpan, which fits him. But the one thing that annoyed me the most was the forced romances in the game, which I completely forgot about. Focusing on social links ended up feeling like a harem that I never asked for. Generally speaking for both routes I find that the game's narrative tends to suffer with typical anime tropes that can be considered very weird to non-anime fans. Stuff like peeping on girls or thirsting for them, sticking to just one interest and making it their whole personality, odd romances involving age differences, constantly bullying the guy that has the ''dumb'' trope, and so on. Although I do understand this boils down to having a target audience as well as cultural differences. Luckily the game deals the serious parts quite well, and handles its recurring theme quite beautifully. To write about death is hard, because generally for people it is a hard thing to accept, and for a number of people, they see it as an answer to an end. Somehow this game has tackled both sides of fearing and wanting death, and yet coming to a beautiful conclusion that life is worth living, whether you feel it has a meaning or not. Because one's life will always mean something to someone, or something, in some way.

Combat-wise, I hear that Persona 3 is the most hated. At least when it comes to 3-5. People aren't really wrong about that, it is a very dated system that I would not like to see in a modern game. But I didn't find it as bad as what people said, probably because most of the changes occurred in this version, such as controlling party members. It is definitely grindy and repetitive, as you go through more than 200 randomly generated dungeon floors that look quite alike or not too striking, with only the endgame floors getting my attention. But like I said above, the game does reward you handsomely with items, EXP, and money through the use of Shuffle Time, so that made my entire experience bearable for me. I have heard that P3 (original and FES aka enhanced version) also has the worst shuffle time compared to 4 and I took a look at the footage, and I think I agree. Having cards shuffled very randomly while hiding them, to the extent that the player loses agency can cause a great deal of frustration. But it's good to see that Atlus takes feedback into consideration with their future titles.

In terms of music, it's great. Pretty much every track in the game is at least enjoyable, although I can't really gel with Deep Breath (but I like the remixes), it's just not my type. But it fits well as a boss theme, as well as the whole setting, so I give it credit for that. But they feel somewhat timeless, and I see myself reminiscing to these tracks for years to come (as I have been for the past 4 years). Another thing I really liked is the UI design. Although I was drawn to P5 for looking so stylish, Atlus really managed to make minimalism do the same. It's probably my favourite type of design in all of video games. Even though much of the presentation (and cutscenes) have been stripped down for this version, I still enjoyed seeing all the transitions and elements packed into a portable device.

The character designs does have that feel from the 2000s, especially with the emo cut the protagonist has. There's a nice use of contrasting colours with most of the female main cast that are potential love interests, while the male main cast stick a little closer to the blueness of the MC. It could be my bias for this being an old game, as I don't see these designs being as accommodating to everyone at this age in comparison to the series' latest entry. But I do hope that people will enjoy them anyways with the remake.

Phew, this was a long one! This game has really touched me overall and I think it's a game that I'll think about from time to time, even with the gripes I have. I did try 4 and 5 in between my 4 year gap, but the one I ended up gravitating to was this, and I'm glad it's the first I played and the first I finished. If this is how 4 and 5 also handle their respective themes, I may give them another try in the future! I will be checking FES' extended epilogue in the meantime.

Terms used exclusively in the game: Shuffle Time - An RNG mechanic involving the use of shuffling cards that can grant equipment, money, EXP, and other things. Social Links - A relationship system that acts as side stories for characters in the game, granting you an additional EXP bonus related to combat.

[ladala99]

Some rambling below: about the stuff going on Reddit, my current video game habits (including some things about Pokemon), The Legend of Heroes: A Tear of Vermillion (including major spoilers so watch out), and Trails fandom opinion the Gagharv trilogy. All over the place!

Whelp. None of you probably know this but Reddit was my main fandom space for Pokemon/Spyro/other video games that aren't petsites, and well, there's this thing going on over there.

I've been trying to get off of it for a while anyway. Too easy to waste a ton of otherwise-productive time, I keep running into spoilers for games I'm still playing, and also I tend to doomscroll the political subs.

So maybe this will finally get me off of it. Certainly the fact that the admins are giving an ultimatum to the mods of various subs (including r/pokemon, my most frequented one) leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and makes me not want to engage with the site. The whole attitude the site owner(?) has about it is just disgusting, and if it's true he idolizes Musk, that's all the more reason to have nothing to do with it further.

So what to do with this extra time that I don't want to be productive and just want to type essays at strangers about my interests? I guess here's as good a place as any! It's my blog and I can put whatever I feel like on it. Some of you are probably following for that type of content anyway.

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So, to start, I guess I'll explain my current video gaming schedule. Starting the month before Pokemon Scarlet and Violet released, I decided to change up my video gaming habits. I had previously had a schedule where I played different games according to the day of the week. This resulted in me not making a ton of progress on some games and kinda feeling discouraged with how long it was taking.

The month before Scarlet/Violet came out, I went into my customary no-main-series-Pokemon-for-a-month period, and decided that I would instead play Animal Crossing: Wild World and only Animal Crossing: Wild World during that time-frame. And you know what? It was great! It was both relaxing and fairly motivating since I knew I had only a certain amount of time with it before I put it away again.

Scarlet/Violet released, and I extended that idea. I even wrote some blog posts here while I was... avoiding spoilers on Reddit... I had a schedule to get through the game (Gyms only on Wednesdays and Saturdays, one plot event max per day) and once I hit the postgame, I had one month to do whatever I wanted before putting the game down for the moment. That postgame month, again, was amazing. Just some guilt-free gameplay of doing whatever I felt like at the moment. Motivation to get the Pokedex done (I did so) and then try some other things. I didn't get everything I tried to do done, but I did a good variety of things and had a good time.

After that, I went on an alternating two-week, one-month schedule for different games. Two weeks on something chill, like Animal Crossing, followed by one month of an actual game, like Breath of the Wild. Alternating between a set of Pokemon games and non-Pokemon games.

And that's a great schedule for games I'm good with playing a bit, taking a break from, and getting back to. But what about heavily story-based games or ones I haven't beaten before? I'm not playing multiple hours a day, so even a month isn't always enough to finish!

Well, enter my new schedule: play for two weeks, check to see if I'm still having fun or if I accomplished what I intended to accomplish, if I'm not done and I'm still having fun continue, otherwise move on.

When Pokemon HOME became compatible with Scarlet/Violet, I felt strongly about transferring everything I could in, so I took a two-week timeframe to do so. My initial goal was to get everything breedable into Scarlet, I accomplished that, and then I moved on to trying to get extra Legendaries. I speedran Shield to get what I could out of a new playthrough and then ran out of time. That's okay - I'll finish later. Because I accomplished my initial mission and I have other games to play. This excursion was interrupting a different game I was (and am) trying to get through. One that I'll start a new section for below.

Also just to put it somewhere: I'm tracking my games on HowLongToBeat now. Here's my profile. (I don't have the time on Zelda because I'm going to use the Switch menu's time at the end)

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My current game is The Legend of Heroes: A Tear of Vermillion. Yes, you read that right. I'm not being silly with the name of the Zelda game (I already posted about that earlier anyway). I'm playing Tears of the Kingdom as well, but it's not my main game at the moment.

And I just have so many feelings about TLOH: AToV. (If you don't want spoilers for it, stop now because I am not holding back.)

I first played it as a young teen. I got to the end but never actually beat the final boss. But it stuck with me. I don't remember much of the plot other than two very powerful, very spoilery scenes.

It's so weird going through it how much and how little I remember. Like the entire plot is about not-Catholics vs. not-Satanists (and the not-Catholics aren't always good) and I didn't remember that at all. But I did remember bits and pieces, particularly out-of-context bits about certain characters. (spoilers start now) Like there's this black-haired girl I saw and immediately went "missing sister! :O" But she's not actually Avin's missing sister, but another character's. A character I hadn't met at that moment. There's another guy I just met and immediately went "oh, I like him! :)" and I still don't remember why he sticks out so much since he doesn't seem that much more important than other characters I forgot about completely.

And the two things I did come in remembering (really, really spoilers now) involve Mile dying halfway through and turning up again at the end of the game as a dark mage, so everything he does is just. . . I'm paying so much more attention to him and he's like, the perfect healer. He's functionally the healer in that he's the party member who's always with you that has healing spells, but he's also such a healer in the story, too. He cheers up Avin when they were kids, being a friend to a traumatized boy who just got separated from his beloved sister. He gives up his wish to help Avin out. He goes with Avin on the dangerous journey when he has no personal stake other than to see his friend succeed. He acts as a foil for Avin, who has a quick temper, calming down every tense situation, and even lying when it helps diffuse a situation. And then he dies.

I'm not there yet. I just remember the pool of blood and the shock I felt. I think I'm getting there soon, though. Because Avin just reunited with his sister and I don't remember that lasting long. (I didn't even recognize her portrait, unlike the Baron that I feel positively about for unknown reasons.)

It's just so good! And yet...

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Before I started the game back up, I was looking at the modern The Legend of Heroes games for Switch. I wondered if it was worth getting one of the more recent games. So I decided to check out the fandom and see if there were any tips for fans of the Gagharv Trilogy (which A Tear of Vermilion is in) getting into the newer games.

Uh. . . no. There aren't. Fans of the current series mostly have not played the Gagharv Trilogy and actually think they're kinda bad. Particularly the PSP versions (which is the only version that got translated to English and the version I have).

And it's funny, since when I see people say why you should play the Trails series (what the new games are considered), they say a lot of the same things that are accurate to the Gagharv games. One of the main gushes I've seen about the series is that random NPCs have lives that develop as the story develops - you'll meet the same characters again and again as you happen to travel the same places they do. And that happens in A Tear of Vermilion. There's this writer guy that you meet and tell your adventures to, and his agent will keep giving you books. There's a greedy merchant you keep running into and Avin keeps getting mad at him. And there's so much variety in character conversation - gain a new party member and talk to everyone in the village and they'll talk to/comment on the new party member. Every time a major event happens, you can go back around town to hear everyone's opinion on it. There's some secret books that characters will give you if you talk to them after certain plot events.

I'm guessing this is a Pokemon Sword/Shield situation where while the Gagharv Trilogy is good, the Trails series is so much better that the Gagharv Trilogy is bad in comparison. That's the only way I can make sense of it.

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Anyway, that was a lot and did not stick to one topic. But I just have a lot of thoughts right now. Here's Mile's official character portrait for making it through the whole thing:

[dymond-dynamo]

update, because why not!!! I've now officially beaten ShB (well, strictly speaking I still have to complete the quest, but that's just because the servers went down for maintenance before I was done with the cutscenes lol). all in all, I think ShB is probably the greatest experience I've had with a game to date. it's hard to put into words exactly what made it hit that strongly, and I think a lot of it honestly has to do with my hundreds of hours of investment into this world and its characters. but there's more to it than that. I had hundreds of hours invested going into Stormblood (altho obviously fewer than ShB, because that's how time works lol), and I came away from it honestly feeling very meh, despite enjoying its highs. so what's the difference?? gonna put the rest of my thoughts after the break because I have friends I wanna bully into playing this game so I should worry about spoilers lol. short version is, game very good, and super well done in basically every way.

I can't fucking wait to experience Endwalker, but also I'm gonna make myself wait, because after I clear the 5.x patch content (or maybe before? haven't decided yet), I'm gonna take a break to play a couple other games, specifically Baldur's Gate 3 (because it'll almost definitely be my goty) and the final couple chapters of Lost Judgment (because RGG Gaiden comes out in like a week and a half???). there's no way I can let it sit for much longer than that (and I may even get the itch before I'm done with BG3, we'll see), but I've gotta knock out some of my shelved backlog, and XIV is my forever game, so that'll never clear a slot

the performances were also incredible. I mean, the performances are always incredible since the HW recast, but I do think they're extra noteworthy this time. I mentioned Feo Ul, and maybe I was being slightly hyperbolic, but I do genuinely really love them, and they're one of my favorite characters in the game now. I hope we get to see them again post-ShB. I know the odds of that are pretty low, but lore-wise it'd already be justified at any time, and it'd make me so happy. other than the usual cast of Scions, who are always great, I obviously have to say that Emet-Selch was just phenomenal. they really said "what if we had a funny little guy follow you around, and 90% of the time he's the sassiest bitch you've ever seen, but the rest of the time he's super fucked up and sad. wouldn't that be rad?" and they were 1000%, it was rad, and a lot of that is on just how good the performance is

anyway, lightly spoilery stuff: I think the biggest difference for me between SB and ShB is the focus and intentionality of the story. I felt pretty much all along that SB feels like two separate expansion ideas mashed together. I think the end product is still very good (there's no part of XIV from 2.0 on that I'd call bad, they're all just varying degrees of good lol), but I can't help but wonder whether an expansion just about Ala Mhigo or just about the far east would've been a better experience. what they ended up with was: go to Ala Mhigo and fight a bit -> go to the east and do the whole story there -> go back to Ala Mhigo and wrap up. meanwhile, despite having more differing areas than SB, ShB keeps everything building towards a single goal the entire time. honestly those disparate areas actually work to its favor, since you exploring a whole new world and seeing how different yet similar it is to Eorzea. tbh I almost want to say that ShB feels like it'd be the perfect new player experience for an MMO, but that's not really true. so much about what makes it compelling requires you to already know the world and the characters. the big reveals (which I won't talk about in specific, even tho this is a several years old expansion, just to be safe) genuinely blew me away, and I'm so so excited to see how EW builds on them

and of course I can't sing the praises of ShB without talking about the music. I mean, Soken is already on my short list of greatest composers of our time (that full list btw, in no particular order, is Lena Raine, Soken, Yoko Shimamura, Darren Korb, and Keiichi Okabe), but he really outdid himself on ShB. obviously the vocal tracks are fantastic, surpassed only by Footfalls (which I'm not even supposed to know about yet), but also a ton of the instrumental tracks are real standouts. (shout-out Sands of Amber)

tbh I could keep gushing about this for a while, but it's already been the better part of an hour since Square Enix so rudely kicked me off, so I should really really get some sleep. I think my plan moving forward is to knock out the patch content, write a review for backloggd (because apparently I'm more capable of putting my thoughts into words than I thought lol), and play the games I mentioned earlier. so look forward to me being extremely Karlach brained in the near future instead of Y'shtola brained lmao

ok, I'm still not quite all the way done with Shadowbringers (up to lvl 79 quests tho!!), but I just wanna say that Feo Ul is the greatest character ever created. everything about them and their energy is so incredible. they could so easily be annoying, but instead they're incredibly endearing and funny

ShB in general is just a masterclass in character writing, to say nothing of the actual plot. and I've still got EW ahead of me after I beat it!! what a fucking incredible game

[kurooku]

𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞; 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎

«what about this one?» your eyes were full of joy while you were holding up with the tip of your fingers a blue sweater that you had seen suna wear sometimes.

he was laying down on his bed, arms holding his chin up, while inspecting the clothing you were showing him with a lazy smile. «i do like that one,» he says, nodding.

your nose crunched a little, looking down at the fabric in your hands. you really liked that one too, with its comfortable texture and pastel color - not to mention that it still strongly smelled like him - but you were ready to toss it away with the others that had already been unapproved. after a loud sight, you mimicked a throw, but suna stopped you with his hands suddenly on yours. you didn’t even hear him move and now his face was so close to yours - and it wasn’t even the first time because, after all, you were sort of dating, but your cheeks flushed anyways. «you can take that one with you, i don’t mind.»

your eyes brightened quickly and you let out a giggle. the idea of picking one of his clothes for you to wear around, to “always have him with you” was originally yours, but rintaro didn’t mind it at all. it made him happy to see you happy. «really?» you asked, holding the sweater closer to your chest. he smiled too, while his chest felt warmer as he saw the look you had on your face. «of course, love.» ‘i’d say yes to anything, if you’d ask me’, but he didn’t add that, maybe because he didn’t want you to feel too powerful, or maybe because he didn’t even know yet, how much power you actually had over him.

however, his heart raced even more once you threw yourself onto him, hugging his body with a light yet meaningful squeeze. «you are amazing, rin. thank you.» priceless. the look in your eyes was just priceless - and he couldn’t even manage to put it into words how grateful he actually was, just for having you around. but suna didn’t say anything, instead he wrapped his arms around your torso and hugged you back.

the lights are on, in suna rintaro’s apartment, in the breathing center of tokyo. one of the coolest, newest and ideal areas to live in the city. lots of shops, tons of cafes and nice people walking up and down the street everyday. he has been living there for a while now, actually a couple of months, even if he’s never really home. between games and practice, most of his days are outside of the house. that’s why he never got a dog or any other kind of pet to keep him company, just plants that are very low-maintenance.

his favorite place, in that fairly big apartment, is the main bedroom bed. it’s big, comfy and always has clean sheets on it - rintaro makes sure they get changed every week or so. he loves spending his lazy mornings there, those rare occasions he gets, and lingers to find its comfort every night after practice - even if, when he stretches his arm to the side, the place next to him is empty.

right now, face down in the mattress, eyes widened and phone not far from his hands, suna rintaro wishes this bed could swallow him and never let him go. he wishes to be gone, forever forgotten. he wishes to be someone else, somewhere else. he wishes to be asleep.

the screen is still on, firm on the chat he had just now opened. it wasn’t such long ago when he got home from practice, dropping his bags on the floor. he had run to the shower, left his phone alone on the sheets, and when he came back shortly after to check on it - just to see if something was up - a notification from instagram had then appeared.

he was used to getting a lot of messages on his social medias, since he was a famous professional athlete, but that one really struck him. as soon as he read the username, the last name, he knew he could not possibly ignore it. suna had then read quickly, but had frozen immediately afterwards. a low pitched frustrated moan had left his lips and he had so curled in a ball of sadness in his bed - and that’s, well, pretty much how he ended up in this situation.

breathing deeply, his hand reaches towards the phone once again, just to read the message one more time - for what it feels like the millionth. “dear suna, i hope you are doing good. this is mei, y/n sister. it’s been a while since we saw each other but i bet you can remember how annoying i used to be back then, always that little girl following around - and for that i apologize, but in my defense i was eight and you were eighteen and everything you did was magnificent in my eyes.” rintaro smiles, thinking back. he remembers the little girl she was back then, always with two braids in her hair and some tooth missing. “however, i am not sure if you will see this but i feel like you deserve to know all of this.”

suna has to take another deep breath now, well knowing what he’s about to read. unconsciously, he does that out-loud, slow and steady «my sister, y/n, is to be married in a week, next friday. she has a venue booked somewhere in the suburbs and is eager to make this big step, but i can’t just ignore what happened between you guys like she is doing. i am not that strong. answer this message if you see this, please, and if you want i will tell you more.» then his voice tones down a bit, seemingly scared of somebody hearing the upcoming part «however, if this news does not affect you at all, i’m more than fine with it. just let me know; at the end of the day, it’s your life, you decide, but i’ll tell you the same thing i told y/n: you owe it to yourself. you promised, after all. in hopes to see you around, mei.»

his eyes are still looking at the screen, but not seeing it anymore. they are wondering, back in the memories he had left closed for years in a drawer of his brain, unwilling to share them with anybody. you were still in his thoughts, everyday and everywhere, and yet you were marrying someone else. what happened to your promise?

it was late at night, but it wasn’t cold. it was summer, and you and suna were laying on the grass outside your high school gym, maybe waiting for someone to come look for you. there was sadness in the sticky air, because you had just told him the news. your dream university accepted you, somewhere in europe and you were soon moving away from tokyo, japan and him. you were leaving, and even if he told you to stop apologizing, you couldn’t help yourself.

«i am so sorry, rin. i wish i could find a way to make this easier, you know?» your hand reached towards his. he laced your fingers together, looking up at the night sky. suna was still sweaty from practice, but none of you cared. «you shouldn’t be sorry, love. it’s okay.»

«but i am sorry, really. i didn’t want to hurt you.» your voice was soft but he still heard the subtle crack in your tone. he didn’t want you to cry, so he stood up and pulled you too until you were on the same eye level.

«can i promise you something?» his eyes were shining, and yours too. you chuckled, sniffing immediately, unable to hold the tears back. his sudden energy was different. «of course, rin. anything.»

he pulled his pinky out, lacing it to yours. you wouldn’t stop smiling at his cuteness, almost as if you weren’t crying at the same time, and he said «i promise that when i will become a famous, rich and handsome volleyball player, i will come look for you no matter where you are and i will marry you.»

the words fell out of his mouth as if they were nothing, but from the look in his eyes you could tell he was being for real. you laughed again, lightly, while your cheeks flushed, tears rolling down. «i couldn’t ask for anything better than spending my life with you, rin.» and held his pinky with a bright smile. he looked at you directly, and leaned in to press a kiss on your forehead. «promise?» «i do. i promise.»

not smiling at the people around him, suna rintaro is hating on the shirt he chose to wear to this stupid reception. the wedding has yet to start, he has yet to see you, but everything is annoying him to the core.

mei was standing right there next to him two seconds ago, then she had to run off somewhere to do something that she didn’t really explain. it was nice catching up with her for a while, but honestly now that he was alone the only thing he was able to think about was you, and why did he let your sister drag him into this.

what was he gonna do? crash the wedding? scream ‘i have something against this union!’ in the middle of the ceremony? what was his plan, coming there? he definitely is looking stupid now, in his suit and shirt with all this people eyeing him subtly and wondering where have they seen him before.

he recognized your mom, your brother and your grandma, yet he feels so awkward. he would feel a little better, maybe, if someone from high school shows up, but he can’t find anybody in this crowd. he kind of wishes osamu, aran, kita - oh, god, please even atsumu is fine - pops up but nobody seems to be here.

at some point, eventually, the music starts and he’s not quite sure how, but everything starts feeling as if he is in a bubble. suna sees his life, his body, as if he is a fly on the wall. impersonal, far, lonely.

you are walking down the aisle in the most beautiful dress he has ever seen. your dad is walking with you and you are smiling, so bright like you always do, wiggling your fingers towards random relatives in the crowd. your hair is flowing, the corset of your dress embrace your body perfectly and your eyes are glowing, a lovestruck and overwhelming aura surrounding you.

suna rintaro hasn’t seen you in years, and you have became even prettier. he has known you since you were like ten, with your bangs all over the place and a funny smile. he had been in love with you since you are thirteen, your hips widened and you caring glaze always fixated on him - in your hand, a first-aid kit ready to medicate small injuries from all his volleyball practices. he has known he wants to spend everyday of his life with you, no matter how much time you have left or how much has passed, since you are seventeen, while observing you picking out which outfit to wear at your birthday party - clueless that you are going to be the most beautiful person in his eyes always and forever. he is twenty-eight and now he sees you walking down the aisle towards another man that is not him, smiling and looking as breathtaking as always.

there is no hesitation in your eyes and now suna knows he is in the wrong place. he comes back in his body as if someone who had him under a spell suddenly decided to break it and takes a few steps back. the vows are being said while he is moving backwards towards a side door, because he can’t stop looking at you even now that he is leaving forever. you can’t know he has been there, that he still loves you after all these years. you must not see him.

but maybe things don’t go as planned for a reason, or at least that’s what suna hopes when your wondering eyes meet his. in the silence of the room, only the man officiating the wedding speaking, your eyes meet and suna knows he is probably tearing up. you widen yours lightly, maybe surprised maybe shocked, and your mind goes back to that summer night outside the school gym and that promise that has haunted you ever since. you wish it was that easy, that you could just run to suna and bury your face into his neck and tell him about everything you always wish you could have told him. but now it’s too late. it’s almost been ten years and yes, suna respected his terms. he had become famous, you saw him on tv, and he did actually came back for you - he is there now - but you just can’t anymore. you have moved on.

and so, with a smile that makes suna’s heart ache, you answer at the question “do you take this man here as you devoted and loving husband?” with a heartfelt «i do. i promise.»

suna had been crying all afternoon, sitting alone on a bench that everybody else seemed to have forgotten in that crowded and rowdy city. he had lost his mother in the chaos that tokyo is, and even if he was eleven, a big boy, he was still very scared to be left alone.

but then a tiny little hand had made its appearance on his knee. eyes full of sadness and tears, he had looked up and met a cheerful, joyful gaze and bangs all over the place. «hey, are you lost?» he nodded, somehow reassured by your presence, while mumbling «i’m rintaro, i lost my mom.»

the little girl smiled at him, and he couldn’t help but think her smile was funny. «my name is y/n, i’m ten and i will help you find your mommy. come with me rin, we can always ask my mom for help. she aaaaalways know what to do!» so you held out your hand, grabbing his and pulling him towards where your mother was sitting, sure that her help would have been necessary.

suna rintaro found his mom half and hour later. turn out she had been desperately looking for him too, but in a total different area. «tokyo it’s a crowded place.» you had commented, still not leaving rintaro’s hand. his mom smiled at him sweetly, then proceeded to thank you by inviting you over their place for a play date. «if your mommy is okay with it,» she clearly added. and you mother was indeed fine with it, helping you set up the date.

«we are gonna be great friends, rin.» you assured the little boy, smiling. he didn’t look quite sure, but nodded anyways, agreeing bluntly.

and as he is walking back to his car, right now, seventeen years later, suna wishes he could go back and tell that little girl that no, they are not gonna be great friends. they are going to fall in love with each other once teenagers, helplessly and selflessly, and then live a life apart.

as he drives away, suna rintaro looks at the road in front of him and thinks about his life now. he is not alone, sad or forgotten. he is someone, he has done something. he might not be loving you right now, not the way he wants to, yet there is you somewhere in him. you have been with him forever, and you will always be. one day, maybe in another life, you will keep your promise too, but now you are happy with somebody else. and even if his heart hurts and his eyes cry, suna is happy for you - even if you love somebody else, now.

[blushled]

Love | Dallas Winston

MASTERLIST

other Tumblr: sunkissedspidey

taglist is open!

requests are open!

pairing: Dallas Winston x female!reader

summary: Your relationship with Dally was always weird, you weren’t dating and you definitely weren't just friends. But after he almost loses you, he realizes just how much he needs you.

warnings: smut, unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it), language, angst, fluff, etc.

word count: 3.7k+

a/n: Please forgive me for how gross and choppy this is! This is the first thing I’ve written in months!! Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar errors!

Your relationship with Dally had always been a little weird. Not by much, but definitely compared to the other guys.

You were the only chick in the group, and everyone in it had a phase at some point where they were completely enamored with you, all expect for Darry, mostly because he saw you as a little sister. But it was always special with Dally.

You had met Dally, and the rest of the guys, when you were 15, right after he had gotten back to Oklahoma from New York. You two were always close, and you were the only person he had ever opened up to, so it's no wonder that you two had lost your virginities to each other, and still have casual sex to this day. The both of you had an unspoken agreement to not tell anyone, but Soda had walked in on the two of you one time, so now it was only you three that knew the secret.

Anyways, regardless of the hours upon hours of sex that was shared between you at least once a day, your relationship was closer than anyone else in the group, even stronger than yours and Soda's, despite the fact that the two of you had been best friends since second grade.

You never really cared about the fact that Dally was sleeping with other people. I mean, it's not like you weren't doing the same thing. You'd had sex with Dally, then Soda one night after you had both gotten absolutely hammered beyond belief, and even Peter Torlini from school a few times. But it always was better with Dally. Not just because he was amazing in bed, but because you were positive that you were head over heels in love with him. And, goddamn, if he didn't feel the same way, he was amazing at faking it. Like, you don't always have that sort of connection with someone when you have sex. Your bodies became one, and you knew exactly what the other needed at that exact moment. Who knows... maybe he was just good in bed and knew what you needed because you had been having sex for so long, or maybe... just maybe; he felt the same way for you that you did for him.

***

"Fuck, Dally! Oh, my god!" You moaned out, his cock so deep inside of you that it had your head spinning.

"Goddamn," He breathed out, his face close to yours, same with the rest of his body, as he pumped into you at a fast, steady pace, a slight sheen of sweat covering both of your trembling, naked bodies. "You're so fucking good and tight for me. 'M not gonna last much longer, Y/N." He groaned out, his breathing heavy, along with yours, as he thrusted even deeper. He wrapped his arms underneath your head, tugging on your hair as you scratched down his back.

"God, please cum for me, Dallas." You moaned, his pace quickening even more so, leaving you screaming as your eyes squeezed shut tightly, your orgasm crashing over you, your walls clenching so tightly around his cock that he couldn't help but cum, quickly pulling out and helplessly spilling his seed all over your stomach as he let out load, drawn out moans, before his muscles gave out and he collapsed back on top of you.

Your hands ran into his hair as he gave you another hot, passionate kiss before rolling over next to you on your bed, reaching over onto the night stand to grab two smokes and a lighter, passing one to you before lighting both of them up, as you both smoked, and exhaled, simultaneously, your brains started to feel foggy with euphoria as the nicotine began to enter your bloodstreams at the same time.

***

A few weeks later, you and the rest of the guys were sitting around, just talking about nothing in particular, only until Two-Bit brought up a fun topic.

"I got it!" He said, a large smirk on his face. "Best lay... Aaand... Steve, go!" Pointing at the brunette with both hands shaped as guns.

"Uhm... Probably Gracie. Big tits." He laughed out, a smoke in between his teeth.

Everyone erupted with laughter, Ponyboy and Johnny rolling their eyes and turning their attention to the cartoons on the small television.

"Y/N! Your turn!" Two-Bit said, laughing as he took a sip of his third beer.

"Not telling." You laughed as you sat on the countertop. You rolled your eyes heavily and let out an annoyed sigh as everyone booed at you. "Ugh, fine," You said, closing your eyes. "Uhm, I'm not saying the name, but he was tall with brown eyes, massive dick, and goddamn, he knew how to use it well, dark hair, and also the best kisser I've ever met before."

    Dally automatically knew that you were talking about it, a smirk spreading across his face as you enthused about just how good the "mystery man" was in bed.

*** You and Dally sat in your old, run down car, eating Dairy Queen and talking about nothing in particular.

"You wanna know something funny?" He asked before licking the melting ice cream off of his waffle cone.

"Always." You smirked, turning the music playing on the radio down a bit so you could hear him more clearly.

"You're the best I've ever had, too." He said, smirking as your cheeks lit up a bright pink shade at his words.

"And why's that, Mister Winston?" You laughed, your eyes meeting his again as he leaned in closer to you, using his free hand to circle around your clit over your underwear, your skirt covering Dally's hand from the wrist down, your eyes slowly rolling back as you moaned quietly into his mouth.

"That's just one of the reasons. You're so goddamn sensitive and I fucking love it." He laughed when you whined after his touched left you, a small huff of anger leaving your lips at the loss of contact.

After a few seconds, you grabbed his ice cream and shoved it in an empty cup, his eyes meeting your with confusion before you moved over the center console to straddle him, your lips immediately going to his as you grinder your hips together, small groans leaving both of your mouths. You tugged at his leather belt, unbuttoning his jeans after, sliding his boxers down, your mouth watering at the sight of his hard cock.

    He reached around your waist and lifted your tight shirt off of you quickly, his soft lips moving to kiss all over your breasts and he left the occasional hickey, his cool, slender fingers i clipping your bra, before he started kissing up and down your neck until you were begging for more.

    "Dally, please." You whimpered, your body trembling from want.

    He moved your underwear over to the side, right before his cock slammed into you as he pulled your hips flush against his, both of you letting out moans because of how fucking amazing it felt.

"Fuck, Dally! Shit, you feel so fucking good!" You screamed out, glad that it was night and that no one was around the two of you.

"Goddamn, you're so fucking tight-" He said before a groan cut him off, his hands gripping your waist even tighter, bruises sure to be left there (not that you were complaining in the slightest).

    One of his hands moved down to your clit, rubbing it in harsh, fast circles as his eyes rolled back, your head dipping down to suck dark purple bruises onto the soft, pale skin of his neck, his hips thrusting up to meet yours in sync, his cock hitting inside of you deeper and deeper with each thrust, the other of you chasing yourself highs as best as you could.

    Your eyes clenched shut tightly as you bit down on muscles of his shoulder, your orgasm crashing over you so strongly that you could barley breathe. Dally's arms wrapped around you, scratching up and down your back and you tugged harshly at his hair, knowing that he was coming close.

    "Cum for me." You whispered into his ear, biting down slightly on his earlobe, and then that was it. He came with a cry of your name and a load groan, his cum coating your walls as you clenched around him tighter, his teeth sinking into your breasts as he continued to thrust up into you until his muscles gave out. Your collective breathing was heavy as you both came down from your highs, his hair sweaty as you ran your fingers through it, the smell of sex and cigarettes lingering in the small, cramped car.

    "Goddamn," He said, laughing as you sat back, moving your hair out of your eyes. "That was fucking amazing."

    "Isn't it always?" You smiled cockily, grinding your hips once more, causing another load moan to come from Dally's throat, partially because it felt amazing and partially because he was so fucking sensitive.

    "What'd I turn you into?" He smirked, biting down on the skin of your neck softly, his perfect teeth skimming your jaw as he made eye contact with you again.

    "A sex addict." You said simply, a smile breaking across your face as Dally started laughing at your blatant tone, his head tipping up to kiss you softly and slowly.

    The two of you had made an agreement not to do anything with anyone else after a while, figuring that it would save the both of you from getting jealous because, even though you weren't official, the both of you were super mad every time you walked in on the other with a different person.

*** "Oh my god, fuck off!" You yelled, laughing as Soda had beaten you in poker for the fifth time that night, the rest of the guys whooping and cheering as you flipped them all of, taking your shirt off, a black bra the only thing covering your chest. Strip poker was a weird game to play with a big group of your closest friends, but it had been a favorite of everyone's for years. Dally stood in the corner, a cigarette in between his teeth as he stared you down, his eyes dark with oust and squinted with anger.

"Alright," You said, standing up and putting your shirt back on, boos coming from the guys. "I think that's enough for me tonight."

You made your way to the bathroom of the Curtis' house, putting your hair up in a ponytail before you washed the dark eyeliner surrounding your eyes off, using a rag to dry your face before changing into an extra t-shirt and pajama shorts that you always kept there, since everyone usually spent the night there.

You walked out into the dark hallway, making your way to the living room before Dally pushed you up against one of the walls, his lips meeting yours harshly as one of his hands made its way into your loose shorts, his long, slender figures toying with your clit as you tried your best to control the volume of your moans.

"Never, fucking never, pull that shit again. You got that? You know how fucking hot you are, and you know how those dudes think about you." He said, his voice low and commanding, but a tone of sweetness underlying in it.

You knew that he wasn't mad, he was just worried, even though there's no way in hell that he would ever admit that to anyone. He was your best friend, and you were his.

*** "Oh, come on, Dally. It's not even that bad. It's just a movie." You whined, gripping onto his denim jacket.

"It's a stupid movie." He laughed as your head sunk even lower, your lower lip stick out as you widened your eyes, your face jokingly pleading.

    "Dallyyy, pleaseee?" You dragged out, kissing his neck softly.

    "Fine. But if I hate it, it's on you." He laughed as you squealed, leaning over and kissing his cheek. And after a second you both looked at each other and then moved away, realizing that you were acting more like a couple than like fuck buddies.

    "I'm- uh- I'm gonna go home. Gotta get ready, ya know?" You said, standing up from the couch at Dally and Buck's place, grabbing your purse and jacket, and waving goodbye to the brunette that had your heart.

***

    As you made you way back over to Dally's, you checked how you looked in the reflection of a storefront window. Your tight white t-shirt clung to your body perfectly, your black ripped jeans hugged your frame, and you had on your favorite jacket. A thick, worn, black leather one that all of the guys had gotten you for your birthday after they had pooled their money together, a switchblade, a pack of smokes, and a lighter in one of the pockets. Your black eyeshadow and eyeliner was done perfectly, and was an amazing contrast to your bright red lipstick.

    "Dally!" You smiled, wrapping him in a small, short hug when we opened his door, throwing a shirt on and leading you down the street towards the drive in.

***

    "I'm gonna go get some popcorn." You said to Dally, smiling as you stood up from one of the cheap, grey folding chairs.

    "Be careful." He said, handing you some money before turning his attention to the movie that he claimed was stupid.

    "Medium popcorn and a large Coke with two straws, please." You said to the worker at the concessions stand, handing him the money in exchange for your food and drink.

    You walked out of the concessions stand, making your way back until some shuffling on the side of the building caught your attention. You turned your head, and the second you did, you instantly regretted it. You saw Dally making out with Polly Winchester, her hands running through his hair as he pinned her against a wall. His eyes met with your for a second and he instantly pulled away, his lips smeared with her red lipstick and his breathing hard.

    "Oh shit." He said quietly, walking over to you, trying to take your hands in his, put you instantly pulled away.

    "You fucking asshole." You said calmly, turning away towards the exit before he grabbed your arm, and then you snapped. "Don't fucking touch me!" You screamed, the people sitting near you turning to look at the two of you.

    "Y/N, I'm sorry." He said, trying his best to reach out for you agin until you took the top off of your drink and threw it in his face.

    "Fuck. You." You said clearly, finally being able to turn and walk away, tears filling your eyes as you walked back to your house.

***

    A few days later, practically in the middle of the night, you were sitting on your bed, a cigarette in one of your hands as you used the other to flip through your favorite book, music softly playing on your record player in the background as you tried your best to ignore the ache in your heart at the fact that Dally was practically fucking a chick against a wall right in front of you.

    A knock on your front door shook you out of your daze, ashing your cigarette before making your way down the hall to your front door. The second you opened it, your heart sank, your stomach dropping as you saw Dallas standing there, a pleading look on his face.

    "C-can I come in?" He asked quietly, his hands stuffed into his pocket.

    You didn't say anything, you just opened your door more and stepped to the side, allowing him to walk into your small house.

    "What do you want? Another pack of smokes? I have some on the counter and a Coke in the fridge and then you can go back to the drive in so that you don't have to pay." You said blankly, sitting down on your couch as flipping through a book that was on your coffee table.

    "No, I don't need any of that. I just wanna talk." He said, standing next to the couch awkwardly.

    "About what? About how you basically fucked Polly during a movie that we were supposed to be watching together? About how you ditched me to go stick your dick in some whore on the side of a goddamn building?!" You said, not being able to control your volume as you stood up looking at him, absolutely fuming.

    "Yeah, pretty much." He answered, not knowing what else to say.

    "You promised me, Dally. You fucking promised." You said, your eyes boring into his.

    "I know, but listen-" He tried to say before you cut him off.

    "No, Dally. You listen to me. You are such a lying fucking asshole! I can't believe I ever thought that we could be something other than friends with benefits." You said, your eyes becoming puffy. "Fuck you, Dallas Winston. I never want to see you again." You said calmly through your teeth, silently seething. You turned towards the hallway to go into your room, before Dally grabbed your arm, your eyes meeting his again, both of your eyes red as silent tear streamed down your faces simultaneously.

    "Please, Y/N." He said, his voice not much louder than a whisper. "Please don't leave me."

    "You've never listened to me when I've asked you not to leave... Why should I listen to you?" You asked quietly.

    "Because I love you, Y/N. More than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. More than smokes and parties and beer. More than sleep and sex and rumbles. So please, Y/N... Please don't leave. And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

    "I love you too, Dally. So much more than you'll ever be able to know."

    At this point, his hands were tangled in yours, your faces close together as you both finally admitted your true feeling for one another after all of this time.

    "You do?" He asked, shock evident in his voice. "You love me?"

    "Of course I love you, Dally. I've loved you ever since we were kids." You whispered, your lips only inches apart.

    "Can I kiss you?" He asks softly, his hands going slowly and tenderly up to your neck.

    "Please."

    And with that, you lips met in the most perfect kiss you could ever think of, like your lips were pieces of a puzzle and were made to fit perfectly together. After a few minutes it grew more passionate, more lust filled.

    His hands went down to the back of your thighs, gripping them tightly as you jumped up to wrap your legs around his waist. The two of you continued kissing as he walked the both of you to your room. He placed you softly on your bed, kissing down your body as he lifted an oversized white t-shirt, that just so happened to be his, over your head. He kissed all over your chest and your neck, only stopping for a few seconds to shed off his leather jacket and black shirt, before immediately going back to your lips to kiss you as you moaned into each others mouths while your hips grinned against each other's.

    "Dally, please." You moaned, your hands smoothing over his back.

    "Please what?" He asked, looking at your with swollen red lips, a beautiful contrast to his pale skin.

    "Make love to me." You whispered, your lips close to each others until he closed the distance between your mouths.

    He kissed down your neck, chest, and stomach again as he pulled your shorts off of you, moving to kiss your inner thighs as you whined from the feeling that you missed.

    He stood up again to unbuckle his belt, taking his pants off not shortly after. You pulled him back on top of you, reveling in the feeling of his bare skin against yours. He took his length in is hands, lining it up with your entrance before stopping for a few seconds to stare deeply into his big brown eyes.

    "I love you." He whispered.

    "I love you too." You replied before you met your lips with his again.

    The second he thrusted slowly inside of you, you both let out moans at the amazing feeling. he started with a slow, tender pace as you breathed heavily into each others mouths, your eyes still staring into the others.

    "Oh my god." You moaned out, eyes finally shutting tightly as he continued to pump into you, his pace quickening as his groans started to grow louder and loader, along with your moans.

    "Fuck, I love you so-" He said, getting cut off as he groaned loudly. "I love you so much."

    "I love you too, Dally- Fuck!" You screamed, the feeling of him being inside of you so goddamn intense that you could barely speak coherently.

    And then it made sense. Every feeling that you had ever had for him made so much sense. Every time that he would look at you and smile at the completely ordinary thing you were doing, every time that he told you to call him when you got home, every time that his figures brushed against yours while watching a movie made sense. He had loved you even longer that you had loved him. From the second your eyes met his when you met, he was absolutely head over heels in love with you. He had never realized how much he needed to tell you until he almost lost you, until he realized how much he needs you.

    "Dally, I'm not gonna last much longer." You moaned, lips moving to kiss the sides of his clan shaven face and his smooth forehead.

    "N-neither am I. Fuck, please cum for me, Y/N. Please. God, I love you." He moaned before his head dipped down to meet your lips with his.

    And with a few more thrusts, you were completely spiraling underneath him, your whole body trembling as you came at this same time, his final few thrusts harder and deeper than before until he finally collapsed on top of you, his lips going to kiss your red cheeks as you both breathed heavily.

    "I love you so much. Please be mine, Y/N. Please." He said, his lips skimming yours.

    "I love you more, Dally. And I'll be yours, forever and ever and ever." And with that, you both fell asleep, all sweaty and gross. But you were sweaty and gross and happier than you had ever been before.

[fandomlit]

neutral, chap. 4 (dream smp x reader)

series summary (in game!au) when an exiled tommy finally rebels against a manipulative dream, he finds safety in neutral territory, a place owned and guarded by you. staying in your safe haven opens up the younger one’s eyes to your way of life, while also revealing your deeper past before neutral; a past that involved a war for your love.

chapter summary after waking from a taunting nightmare, tommy expels some late night energy on some wandering mobs. you give him another lesson about taking care of himself, even when working hard, and tommy asks if you’ll teach him archery, which, of course, doesn’t go without entertainment.

warnings nightmares, mob killing

previous | series masterlist | next

gif cred belongs to @halcyoncraft

he was running again. he didn’t know where or from what, but his legs carried him far and strongly, weaving him through trees and grass and other obstacles along the way. he didn’t know how in danger he was, but he wasn’t going to stop and find out.

then he tripped.

when he flipped onto his back, it was that goddamn mask staring down at him, the lips just under it laughing, “you’re so weak, tommy! did you do anything while you were in neutral?” then his axe came down and tommy braced himself for the pain and release of death.

he woke up instead.

sweating under his covers, tommy sucked in a harsh breath as he sat up. he threw the soft cotton off of him, running a warm hand down his face. it was just a dream; he was safe in neutral.

looking out of the window next to him, he saw the moon still high in the sky, casting a cool light into his bedroom. dream’s words rang through his head like a bell, and he rubbed at his temples with a sigh. was he actually getting weak? was relaxing such a bad thing? at the very least, some part of him must have thought so to conjure a nightmare like that..

with another sigh, tommy lifted himself out of bed and flipped open the ender chest. he drew out his sword before heading to the main floor of the house.

when he reached the bottom of the stairs, a voice called out to him, “tommy?” his heart nearly stopped for a moment, before peeking into the kitchen and realizing it was just y/n. she sat in candlelight, writing in a small journal with a slice of half-eaten pumpkin pie next to her. “are you alright?”

“yeah,” he breathed, his voice still heavy with sleep. “just gonna go kill some mobs.”

she nodded. she looked tired, and a part of tommy felt bad knowing that she was most definitely going to wait for him to return. “okay. have at it, kid.”

he nodded, turning to leave the kitchen. before he did so, he pursed his lips and looked over his shoulder to y/n. “you should go to bed.”

she gave him a smile, scribbling something down in the small journal. “i will, tommy. just gotta finish this up..” his natural curiosity was drawn to the small book, and he almost asked y/n what she was writing. but then dream’s voice rang through his mind again, and tommy silently headed for the doors of the house.

the night air was refreshing on his warm skin, cool and still as the moon illuminated the frontal beauty of neutral territory. he took a deep, calming breath of that crisp air before focusing on the task at hand: proving to himself that dream was wrong. that dream is always wrong.

after about twenty zombies, ten spiders, countless creepers, and a few endermen, tommy finally felt the burn in his arms become nearly too much to bear. he panted as he struck down one last spider, turning and finally deciding to return back to the comfort of y/n’s home.

he sheathed his sword when he finally entered the house, going straight to the kitchen to see that y/n was still awake and writing in her small journal.

“ready to go to bed?” he asked gruffly.

she looked up slowly before nodding, placing her quill down and capping her ink. “any trouble out there?”

“no,” he spoke, shaking his head. “wrote everything you needed to?” y/n blew out her candle and went to join the boy in the doorway to the kitchen.

“as much as i could, anyway,” she shrugged, smiling lazily as they began to walk toward the stairs. “what was your nightmare about?”

tommy was slightly startled, but a little too tired to react drastically to y/n’s deduction. “how’d you know i had a nightmare?”

“i’ve had them before,” she said simply. “and it seemed natural that you’d expel some energy onto mobs after such a thing.”

“you’re smart,” tommy credited.

“thank you,” y/n yawned.

they continued to climb the stairs in silence as tommy considered his words. “i was being hunted by dream again, but this time you weren’t there to save me. he called me weak and killed me.”

“so you wanted to prove to yourself that despite allowing yourself peace, you didn’t have to sacrifice your strength to get there,” y/n summed.

the boy half-smiled. she was spot on, as always. “exactly,” tommy breathed. 

y/n was silent for a moment as she thought. they stopped at the hallway to tommy’s room and it then occurred to tommy’s tired mind that her room was downstairs; she was walking with him because she cared about him. 

“honestly, tommy, if this is a real concern for you, then there is no harm in taking time out of your day to work out and train,” y/n spoke. “but the most important thing is to recognize when enough is enough, and when enough becomes too much. you’ve allowed yourself peace and care for the last two weeks, and achieving such a state doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice fighting or training; it just means that you need to be more aware and in tune with yourself as you’re doing it.” tommy nodded.

“don’t overwork yourself, is the summary here,” she said, picking a cobweb off of his shirt. “let yourself do the things you want, but make sure it’s not wearing you down. that’s taking care of yourself.”

“alright,” tommy spoke quietly. “thank you, y/n.”

“of course, kid,” she smiled. “get some sleep, alright? if you have another nightmare you’re free to bother me.” tommy nodded again. “good night, tommy.”

“good night, y/n,” he yawned as she turned to head down to her room. he made sure he heard her door shut before finally heading to his own room.

...

“can you teach me archery?” tommy questioned the next morning at breakfast. it was a question that had bugged him since y/n had first revealed her skills just a few days prior, and since he was going to start training, he figured that might be a good place to start.

“sure,” she chuckled as she scooped some more fruit onto his nearly half-eaten plate of french toast.

“why the laugh?” he questioned through a mouthful of berries.

she shrugged to herself. “your curiosity is showing.”

“i’ve been wondering about it since you took out the mob,” tommy admitted. “if i want to get stronger.. i think this is a good way to.”

“perfecting a skill is the perfect way to get stronger,” y/n voiced. “of course i’ll teach you, kid.” she smiled and he turned back to his breakfast with his own grin. “finish up your food and meet me in the basement; we gotta get you a bow first.”

tommy hadn’t been in the basement of the house yet. he opened the heavy, dusty trapdoor and assumed y/n didn’t go down their often either. he slid down the ladder easily and was immediately hit with heat.

y/n had a welding station upstairs in her shop area, but the basement had a more broad and intense version of that area. several anvils, all cracked and rusted and adorned with different materials were scattered in a sort of pattern amongst the space, a fire burning high in a fireplace at the far side of the room. seeing no sign of y/n, tommy moved to the room to his left.

the next room held a large nether portal, as well as a small farm for netherwart. the dark room felt empty to him, and he had to remind himself that he was in fact in y/n’s house still. he remembered she had said that she didn’t like going to the nether.

“i’m in here, tommy!” she called out. he took another left into a small storage room, where y/n was rustling through a chest. “how tall are you, kid?”

“6’1”,” he answered.

y/n smiled. “you’re a lot taller than i’ll ever be.” she took out a pretty oak bow, slightly scratched and obviously old. “you’ll have to use this for now, until i can make you one that’s your size.” he took the bow from her hands, shrugging.

“it’s fine.”

“good,” she hummed, still shuffling through the chest as tommy took the time to look around the small room.

“what’re the dispensers for?” tommy asked, staring at the wall that held the three stone tools.

“im nothing if not prepared, tommy,” y/n spoke as she took out a quiver and began to fill it with arrows for him. “in case of emergency, those dispensers will set off flares to let others know that im in trouble or that neutral is in danger.”

tommy nodded, still looking at the obviously unused dispensers. “smart.”

“i hope so,” she sighed, handing him the quiver of arrows. he strapped it around himself as she continued, “let’s just hope i never have to use them, yeah?”

“yeah,” he chuckled. she gave him a smile, hoisting her bow higher in her grip.

“you ready to shoot some things?”

...

“relax your shoulders,” y/n reminded. tommy did so, his fingers still white with effort against the taut string of the bow. “don’t pull so hard, tommy. you’re shaking.” he sighed as he let the string and arrow go limp, lowering his bow as y/n approached him closer.

it was his second day of archery training, and he was still missing nearly every target. y/n was a calm and collected teacher, offering him advice that was pointed directly for him and reassured him that there was no rush in the learning process. but after missing fifteen or so shots in a row, tommy was getting frustrated.

and it didn’t help with sapnap and george staring at him through the kitchen windows.

“doin’ great, kid,” sapnap encouraged weakly, taking a drink of the lemonade y/n had lovingly prepared for the boys. just watching the older man sip made tommy’s mouth dry, but he was determined to make five shots in a row before taking a break.

tommy glared at the man before turning his gaze back to his mentor. “ignore him, tommy,” y/n spoke gently. “nick couldn’t hit a target if it was three paces away.”

“that’s a lie!”

“im kidding,” y/n laughed, placing a hand on tommy’s shoulder and turning him away from the distraction that was sapnap. “but seriously, there’s almost always going to be someone watching when you shoot. the more you can tune them out, the better. just focus on your aim--and make sure your grip is looser. you’re gonna snap that string in no time otherwise.”

“loose grip, focus on aim,” tommy breathed and she patted his shoulder as he turned back to the target ahead of him. he hoisted the bow up slowly and pulled the string back just enough that it wasn’t fully taut. he made sure his aim was a little higher than his target, and released the whizzing arrow. the arrow pierced just outside of the center ring.

“perfect,” y/n smiled. “now, do it again.” and he did, taking another deep breath and allowing himself to focus in on the feel of the rough wood on his fingertips, and the tight string he was pulling. the arrow hit just beside his last. she nodded encouragingly. “keep going.”

tommy could feel his heart start to thump in his chest from the excitement of his accurate aim. he took another calming breath and watched as the arrow lodged closer to the center.

“great aim,” she complimented and he grinned as he pulled another one back, trying to contain his shaking as he aimed. the arrow shot lower than his previous, but on the target nonetheless. “still a good shot. one more?”

“yeah,” tommy nodded, licking his dry lips as he retrieved another arrow from his quiver. heart still thumping with utter excitement and pride at y/n complimentary words, he quickly released the arrow and his smile dropped as the arrow lodged into the ground before the target.

“hey, that’s fine!” y/n assured as tommy groaned and dropped his head. “four in a row is an amazing improvement, tommy. you should take a break and reward yourself.”

tommy sighed, looking to the shameful arrow. “yeah. alright.” he dropped the bow to the ground along with his quiver. he looked to his slightly splintered fingers. “im gonna go.. wash up.”

“alright,” y/n smiled as tommy scampered away. she entered into the open kitchen, smiling at her guests. “you boys doing alright?”

they nodded. “when did you take up parenting, y/n?” george giggled. she rolled her eyes as she went to pour her and tommy their own glasses of lemonade. “no, seriously! you care for that kid a lot, it-it’s not a bad thing!”

she sighed, leaning against her counter as she sipped at her lemonade. “i know you two haven’t always agreed with him in the past, but i think tommy’s a good kid. i like his ethic, and i think he has a lot of potential. but that being said..” she shook her head. “he’s so young.” the boys nodded. “he’s been thrown into such a life of chaos and destruction, and im not saying he’s at all innocent, but.. i think it’s good for him to learn that there’s more to this world than just war and enemies. there’s...”

“neutral,” sapnap finished for her. she let out a laugh.

“yeah, neutral,” she agreed, tapping her fingers against her cold glass. “but, yeah, if teaching him peace and self care is motherly of me..” she shrugged. “then i guess im alright with being a parent.”

“that’s sweet,” sapnap nodded. “i hate it.” the three of them laughed, y/n laying a light slap on the man’s arm before tommy’s voice called out to her.

“y/n! can i have some help?”

“im coming!” she called back, setting down her glass of lemonade.

“go help your poor son,” george teased, resting his head in his hand as he gazed at y/n amusedly. she rolled her eyes.

“behave, you two,” she laughed before leaving the kitchen.

there was a moment of silence before george spoke, “i do think it’s quite sweet how y/n’s taken tommy in. i think it’s good for both of them.”

“you say that now,” sapnap sighed, leaning back in his chair. “but just wait until tommy’s back to feeling 100% and y/n’s going around saying “pog” all the time.”

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