#anyway i am very very very shy about this
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
I have been hooked on your poppy playtime new home sweet home posts and I love them, they are great!! and I was thinking, maybe one where y/n repairs some toys in very bad condition? Like when you mentioned Miss Delight's face! Only if you want and can of course. <3
(also sorry if this is not very well written, English is not my first language and I am using Google translator)
(glad you liked them and plus it helps me kinda try and write my next fic and hopefully I'm cooking with it)
Y/n has repaired the toys and even had to learn how to stitch because most are fabric but bougie bot, miss delight, doey and mommy long legs are kinda hard to repair, so y/n has to look up how to repair the certain material needed for each toy. Miss delight is a bit more patient with being repaired as this goes for mommy and doey but boogie bot, bunzo, huggy, yarnaby are kinda impatient as they move around a lot and don’t really like sitting on one play and bubba is a kinda like smartass when y/n tries to do stitching to repair his arm and he’s like “you shouldn’t use that stitch, use this one instead” and y/n is like half way done with it when he says that but y/n just finishes it and moves on.
Plus I do imagine y/n going to their grandma to ask if she could make some blankets for the toys as they don't have a lot of spare blankets. Especially when crafty corn, hoppy hopscotch took most of the blankets to make their fort. Y/n's grandma agrees and makes huge blankets like ones that doey could basically be laying down and there would still be a lot of blanket left over kinda huge and of course the smiling critters get one and hoppy uses it for the pillow fort and yarnaby as well.
Y/n's bed does not belong to y/n anymore cause everytime they get home, yarnaby is sleeping on it and take up all the bed and even when there's some there's very little because like yarnaby is fucking huge. But the blanket is bigger than him somehow.
And sometimes the toys have nightmares about killing y/n. Like in when they were in playtime co and how violent they were to y/n and basically almost killing them in brutal ways. Like the dream goes as this, they chase y/n and when getting their hands on y/n killing but the bloodlust settles as they look at the corpse of y/n and realizing what they did try to fix it. Or think it's a prank but it continues until the you jolts awake seeing the room they are in and see y/n alive. All it was a nightmare, they are safe here. Except for Sawyer, he has dreams of being a regular human so yeah. But poor doey was scared that the nightmare was real and poor guy needed a hug after cause he feels guilty even though it was just a dream.
(Anyways that's it for me yapping. If you guys like this and want more please don't feel shy and request any ideas for stories or y/n's, but for now please stay safe and drink water!)
#yandere x male reader#x male reader#yandere x reader#yandere x you#x gn reader#yandere x gn reader#male reader#yandere x darling#poppy playtime x gn reader#poppy playtime x male reader#yandere poppy playtime#poppy playtime x reader#poppy playtime horror game#poppy playtime#new home sweet home au
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
does near every single post-canon DE fic out there need to be tagged ‘Sober Harry Du Bois’? i’m getting so tired of it.
do i expect every single piece of fan content to have to fully delve into the often-depressing always-complex topic of addiction? not really. sometimes you just want to write/read a silly fluffy romance one-shot, whatever. i get it. but i think my issue is specifically with the fact that for nearly every sillyfluffy au out there, there almost must be a ‘sober harry du bois’ tag. and it does feel very slapped-on more often than not.
i think to me it is an unconscious statement that nothing *good* can ever happen to harry du bois until he is completely and permanently sober. before solving the next big case, he has to be sober. before quitting the force, he has to be sober. before falling in love with kim, he has to be sober. before accomplishing anything, starting any sort of recovery, making any life improvement, he must first be sober.
sobriety as a goal, as a journey, and honestly as a concept in of itself is not as cut and dry as so many people think it is. and i think it would serve a lot of people well if they did some introspection on the implications of how nearly every single post-canon fic that isn’t dealing directly with harry’s addiction have him as completely sober instead.
if the plot of the fic isn’t going to touch directly on harry’s substance use (and again, i’m not demanding that every single fic should), why does that mean that sober!harry must be the default?
i think i am just tired of reading a casefic, a smutty one-shot, a fantasy au, whatever, where it almost seems that before getting on with the plot, the author feels obligated to first assure us that the harry we’re reading about is a Sober Harry. it’s established with a couple lines in the exposition, probably about his improved appearance, a tag up top, and then never brought up again; a checkmarked box. like the societal image of An Addict has completely prevented people from being able to imagine a person just, continuing to live life, while still struggling with addiction.
life happens, with all of its backslides and achievements, mundanity and changes, to people with drug addictions just as much as people who don’t. is a post-canon harry who isn’t sober not worth writing about?
i think so. i think the game we all played thinks so too. in fact i think that sentiment is woven into the game’s very core. i just wish i saw that reflected in our fan content more.
#i really hope my point is understandable in that it isn’t that i think that stories where harry *does* become sober aren’t also valuable.#or that i want every post-canon harry to *not* be sober.#but rather questioning why there seems to be a subconcious necessity for harry to be sober to have kind things happen to him.#disco elysium#harry du bois#also obligatory because i am putting this in the main tag:#this isn’t a callout or vague on any one person/creator/group of people in particular#it’s more of a prompt to discussion on a very broad trend#one informed by insidious biases that live in all of us because we live in a society etc#that none of us are immune to but all of us have a responsibility to acknowledge#if there is goal to this post it’s to provoke introspection. not individual attacks#anyways i love quietly consuming fan content until something annoys me enough to make my own post about it#i do wish i Participated in fan communities more tbh especially this one i’m just shy lol#most of the time.#me talking
487 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#if you don’t mind could you say a quick prayer that I can not make things worse with my seniors?#I do feel very much that the problem is me (hi! I’m the problem it’s me)#because they’re just suuuuuch a hard personality match for me as a group#but I can feel myself sort of closing off and not wanting to stay open and I can feel myself wanting to hate them#frankly#but that’s just because I’m imperfect and tired#I am forcing myself to go through the class and think about each kid#and actually there is only really one bad apple maybe two but really I think it’s one!#but it is casting a huge shadow#also I hate to say it but many are annoying#aosiieksisie they just are. but they’re not bad kids! and they want to have a good relationship with me and I need to let that happen#but yeah. I just want to shut myself off from them completely#but I am either not old enough to teach a class well and do that. I have not unlocked that power#there has to be a baseline of goodwill and camaraderie#or I will never be able to not have it and will always need it#but in either case. I need it here. and it’s hard#the worst part is that they ! make ! me ! shy !#freaking introverts are so annoying sometimes I swear#YOU DON’t HAVE A MONOPOLY ON DISCOMFORT IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS#and you CREATE it as well as suffer it !!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry. see what I mean? I am getting irrationally angry at them for being the way that they are#but it’s because *I* am suffering because of them#lol. except it isn’t lol I am serious#anyway just trying to get this out#thanks for listening#teaching tag
26 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Some highlights from a tense but still very Winterkov-y scene (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Winter King#Winterkov#The first five are all in sequence and then from there it's a bit sporadic#I dunno if this is one I'm gonna finish by they did both turn out very cute so I wanted to show some of them off lol#It's mostly a headcanon comic about how they differ in attractions (basically how much influence the Crown has on Winter)#I initially compared Winter to a slightly more chill Bill Cipher - a non-human entity inhabiting a human body#Probably tempered by how much Simon is still left over - not a lot but even a little does make a difference!#In that there's a lot of things the Crown might get out of a human body while still experiencing an entirely alien interpretation of stimuli#It's all just a lot of character analysis headcanon stuff lol - the Winterkov is still the main focus! Here anyway lol#I am very endeared at the idea posited by some fanfic writers that inviting Simon to the lab was just a pretense lol#He /did/ have to get out of his clothes before getting into new ones lol#They really do both have such lovely designs ah <3 They're fun to draw!#This was a lot of settling into them - I love the little floof-lifts that Winter has from Simon#His hair is long but it's still not completely able to weigh itself down from his voluminous bob! Very cute#The nose ears and shape of Winter's glasses really set him apart but their similarities are so fun#And while it's not featured here Simon's shy little smiles vs. Winter's big and loud expressions! Their contrasting features are so neat!#Very enjoyable character design
150 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1e3a33e24d81e400799ac7821757bf81/71fb12c338e5a26f-9e/s640x960/d8a3e6c1dfced7bb040c484363cf338021705471.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3a59a0957ae9c653c54f89baa8114814/71fb12c338e5a26f-78/s640x960/ccf1995b125a6a14818443cf2f600992e609725a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/293c875e36d04d79ca30c94531fddcd6/71fb12c338e5a26f-a6/s640x960/e8e15711dc4a5226cc72481730f77313b6a93927.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/da56cdc1bbf385cc0f715c1402e0058f/71fb12c338e5a26f-71/s640x960/94a8ce8f99a645783f70870895071906ba375ddb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8d25cc3d5cbba7eaa1c39bfb59d1ce37/71fb12c338e5a26f-b0/s640x960/863db78a7ccfa18c00a4f26db11cb0686f23ba40.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c7d92bf279fbfb4b0186292fa08ffa89/71fb12c338e5a26f-69/s640x960/ff00ff82868591fc2d7cbb1440a2258ec7775e21.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7e99f799b1b1ef0388d5b198c2bf44b1/71fb12c338e5a26f-8b/s640x960/b3118f083964fdbcbbe181489b0f4a5809af44c7.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/74f1f6aafb01cf02743fe232d5df0abf/71fb12c338e5a26f-d8/s640x960/7c0fcaac5c5af672e91d1eb94c055e6e95765994.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b4fa79eaac41e21174f8b23d1dbca043/71fb12c338e5a26f-b2/s640x960/ce1b17ee9d5a61c70d360ae2168acb53649d4474.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7f98cb1a469d38528bce672d9a141a9c/71fb12c338e5a26f-94/s640x960/1c8672103a7fb1b08a262acbb074106abb1916fd.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d3f841db6f61969b150e880df7b4dbff/71fb12c338e5a26f-c0/s640x960/c940acd58091063aa620ec3e7d15127f894e3015.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c464c31ed408bcd74ca96aecf58a8e49/71fb12c338e5a26f-83/s640x960/a4d431e55d968efa4ee0b4b2cf99872c4c728d69.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bee6bb99737cee424482e70943ff6319/71fb12c338e5a26f-bc/s640x960/2443c91cb0e0ed7f657820116c1d0ef2263d55fc.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9ec586dbf2ea927a5200e1c69c9bf0b5/71fb12c338e5a26f-b9/s640x960/4ccb0b8584143c0575b8027d32bcb0d6aff893b2.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ae1400ffb4a1ca34d3b8f63bbe4f1101/71fb12c338e5a26f-f9/s540x810/fdd396df6677777b5c0e623b2597bb233cfd5c7c.jpg)
He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌
(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)
#dbtag#Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote#He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve#But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas#Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is#and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes#“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing#those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do#Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby#He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line#to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words#Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume#that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way#While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character#which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler#even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don’t think people give ciel nearly enough credit when it comes to his emotional intelligence/how self-aware he is.
like, yeah— ciel is a brat, he’s a stuck up little privileged rich kid, he’s pampered and spoiled and struggles massively when he’s forced to live without the luxuries he’s always grown up with. but he also recognizes that, in a way that is actually quite mature for someone of his age and class. he’s cynical, he’s pessimistic, he has incredible little (if any) respect or hope for humanity left— but this is something he applies to himself and the others at his same social standing just as much as anyone else, if not more. he clearly connects and empathizes with finny (and honestly all of his servants) because he sees himself within him, trusting him like a (his) brother during the emerald witch arc. he understands where joker is coming from with regards to his desperation to take care of his family and doesn’t pass judgement on him, to the point of even planning to take care of the very family he thought he’d left behind after joker dies. he even seems to have some degree of genuine respect for lizzie, assuaging her insecurities by trying to see her for who she is and not who she wants to be or feels like she must be.
honestly, i think that in most of the cases where ciel is being a full on Brat™ it all goes back to one thing— ciel trying to asset his Power, and take back control over the situation.
ciel is a character who is very very very easily underestimated at first glance by most people who have just met him, and even a few people who know him longer than that. he’s literally a sickly victorian child with asthma and CPTSD-motivated panic attacks, the kid is frail as fuck, not to mention— a kid. the fact that ciel might have something of an inferiority complex is obvious enough even if you don’t bring the whole lesser-twin thing into it, his minute stature is something literally every fucking character brings up upon first meeting him.
sometimes, ciel can use this to his advantage, so he does. he puts on the cute little boy face and flutters his eyelashes and uses other peoples’ empathy against them to achieve his own goals (see: arthur, and also like the entire public school arc, etc.).
most of the time though, ciel doesn’t really want to do this, not only because it’s somewhat demeaning but also because he Does have a reputation to uphold. ciel needs to constantly be both on guard and on the attack for his job as the queen’s watchdog, he is basically obligated to constantly stand as the biggest threat in the underworld. much of ciel’s Brat behavior to other people comes down to this— him asserting his status, not really out of any pride for the title, but because he is a Threat and other people need to fucking know it. sometimes, this means shoving his (and sebastian’s) power in their face until they get the fucking picture and/or die trying to understand it, particularly in the case of more asshole-ish characters like all the random evil businessmen with criminal agendas that ciel puts through the evil haunted demon house schtick. other times, this manifests more in the form of a kind of genuine empathy— you Should get the fuck away if you actually care about the things you claim to care about cuz i will not hold back, etc.
speaking of— in the case of sebastian specifically, the fact that this is ciel’s desire to take back agency becomes even more clear.
sebastian and ciel’s dynamic is one of, if not the most compelling aspects of this series to me, in large part because of how goddamn codependent they are while simultaneously being inherently at odds with one another. this series Will end with sebastian eating ciel’s goddamned soul— i honestly think that even if the rest of the cast eventually becomes more aware of the specifics of sebastian’s demonic nature or their contract, ciel himself will stop them from trying to save him or break the deal somehow, and sebastian himself certainly doesn’t have nearly enough of an attachment to humanity as a whole to bother actually stopping himself from chowing down, even if he may regret it somewhat more than he expected afterwards. yet at the same time, right up until we reach that exact point, they have every reason to need and want to collaborate with each other— something that they do, even if it is with full knowledge of the exact sword hanging over their heads the entire time that they’re playing nice.
i really love the analysis from this post, which points out the fact that all of the three core rules ciel establishes for their contract are perfectly designed to turn sebastian into someone that ciel can trust. highly recommend reading that essay, but to elaborate a bit more in my own words— ciel knows that sebastian is going to eat him one day. he is incredibly physically fragile and aware of this, perhaps even aware of the ways in which he has been made mentally weak due to his traumas, and especially of the fact that he is vulnerable specifically in comparison to sebastian. every single time that sebastian saves ciel, it is another reminder that This is who ciel is going to die to. he is chained to this starving, rabid monster just as much as the monster is chained to him, and one day, those roles are going to flip. he’s not going to be in power forever, and he knows it.
therefore: when ciel is a Brat™ at sebastian specifically, i read this less as ciel actually being unaware/childish/stupid/etc., and more as ciel tugging on the proverbial chain to make sure he is still the one pulling the strings. ciel has a habit of emphasizing the fact that he is Ordering sebastian when he is in a stressful situation or panicking for any given reason, focusing on the language that he Knows sebastian will respond to. and it’s a trauma response. IT’S A TRAUMA RESPONSE!!
what i think ciel Hates, above all else, maybe even more than he cares to consciously admit, is not having power. he can’t stand to not be the one in full control of a situation. he can’t stand having his agency taken from him, not after Everything that he’s been through.
if there’s one thing that watching his entire family be killed while also being viciously abused by a cult taught (not) ciel, it is the feeling of having No power. he was helpless to stop his parents’ murders, he was helpless to stop the cult from violating and abusing him, he was helpless to stop his own brother’s death. ciel connects more easily and often more deeply on an emotional level with the lower class characters in the story because he knows what it feels like to be completely powerless in the face of the absolute worst of humanity. thus, when ciel acts like a Brat, when he asserts his title as an Earl, someone Respectable, or as The Queen’s Watchdog, someone Threatening, when he demands that everyone bend over backwards to serve his will— it is ciel taking back all the power that he can and gripping it as tightly as he possibly fucking can, because he knows what can and will happen if/when he lets it all go.
and there is no character for which this is more true than sebastian. one of the most powerful entities in the series, easily the one closest to ciel, who he depends on so incredibly— but who is also Destined and Required to bring his end once all this is over. ciel kicks sebastian around, treats him like shit and shows him rare moments of kindness and care, all for the affirmation that He is still in control. absolutely nobody can ever meaningfully hurt ciel again, so long as sebastian is there— and sebastian won’t hurt him either. not yet. but, instinctively, he needs to keep testing that bond. just in case. just to be sure.
honestly, i think that’s where the real tragedy of the series comes from— ciel never really grows, never really changes, because he Can’t. he guaranteed that for himself. at his absolute lowest point, ciel lost all faith in humanity and god and Himself. he lost his childhood naïveté, and the ability to believe in goodness in any form. ciel knows that one day, he’s going to be hurt again, that someone is going to snatch him up and chew him alive— all he wants now is the control to dictate for himself when that inevitable end will happen.
#astronaut rambles#kuroshits#ciel phantomhive#black butler#kuroshitsuji#HE GAVE UP FROM THE BEGINNING!!! 🎉🎉#honestly. the fact that so many of the recent arcs have revolved around#1. two of ciel’s biggest most vocal and richest Supporters turning their backs on him and/or actively hating him (lizzie + soma)#and 2. ciel’s acceptance of the finality of death being so Brutally tested#really makes all of this interesting too#i think ciel tries to shy away from human connection cuz he knows that he can’t ever truly control people#(and also cuz they’re the biggest source of potential pain maybe? humans are cruel etc. etc.)#but. i mean it’s funny ofc he ends up having incredibly deep personal connections regardless of that#sigh. oh my dear hateful son#even gave up your own name for all of this shit. you never really respected yourself huh 😔#anyways. wrote all this at 2-3am#the yapplestorms ‘writing more the more tired i am’ habit strikes again#long post#also: nobody asked. but#this is why i don’t think sebastian pressuring ciel into sex is all that realistic to canon#if anything it’d be like. ciel pressuring himself into it even when it makes him incredibly uncomfortable lmfao#sebastian might tease but as time goes on the limits of how far he’s willing to go become more clear#at the very least he still wants ciel to be entertaining and breaking him mentally kinda goes against that#note that sebastian does the same kind of testing when it comes to making sure ciel is keeping up his end of the contract#he pokes at ciel’s motivations when he’s at one of his most vulnerable points to make sure the dedication to revenge is still Pure n Steady#fuck. they really do match each other’s freak to an insane degree huh LOL#could also write more about the parallels between how current ciel is codependent w/ his brother vs. sebastian but eh. another time#tl;dr there's a reason why he takes the name Ciel and always asserts Ciel's power (hint: he doesnt respect himself!! screaming at the choir#sebaciel#eh yeah might as well tag that too
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
going from my previous theme to this one feels like switching from a dark mode to a light one or something
#u-umm. h-hiiiii#also tumblr is still very very slow for me for some reason so if something is not working or it's not visible lmk#like on mobile it shows my pfp but on my pc it doesn't.... weird...#a-anyway i am THE sunday mutual btw. im just very good at hiding how actually insane i am abt him#o-or it's more like. im just very shy I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYY I'M VERY SCARED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIM I CAN ONLY ADMIRE HIM QUIETLY#[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]#edit also yeah uh if you follow me and you avoid hsr spoilers. um. i-i'm so sorry
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just think Big should have been allowed a knife. or two. as a treat.
#waaaaaah i'm posting a drawing! not even hidden under a read more! i am very very scared about it please be niceys to me#i spent a lotttt of time fucking about with this (also backgrounds my worstie backgrounds) but. yeah. okay. i'm posting it.#i'm being soooo brave#look at him ! my boy !#he's shirtless by popular demand btw. thank u wizard council.#sorry i ignored the vote for long hair big. i tried but it didn't work out :(#but i compromised by taking creative liberties with how long his canon hair is fdjhdj#(also nobody @ me for watermarking this okay i've had enough of my bad gifs stolen to be Fearful for even my Objectively Not Good art)#anyway. i am going to throw this into the void and then hide about it. i'm shy.#my drawings#learning to draw tag#darcey.txt#kinnporsche fanart#big kinnporsche#big kp#kinnporsche#fanart#nodt nutthasid
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
doodled dudez. yeehaw
#yuck.img#jd/munky#my first time drawin em as i saw a certain post saying that these guys need more fanart 👀#gonna try my best not to use main tags lol i am how you say. Shy. very fucking shy#*hits post anyway*#i do enjoy drawing band men as lil cartoons what can i say it is a hoot and a half#munkathan#<- forgot about her
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Went to the Collision taping tonight and on our way out, almost fucking walked into the elevator containing none fucking other than Roderick Strong, Mike Bennett and Matt Taven without meaning to. Totally didn’t even realize it until they’d gathered their suitcases and walked into the parking garbage.
They were super nice btw when I apologized for assuming the elevator would be empty when it opened.
#that was wild#I also randomly almost ran into the Hardy’s at another show a couple of years ago#I am very shy though just very socially anxious and I also hate parasocial shit nowadays with celebrities#so I tend to just be polite and let them go about their business#they’re off the clock as far as I’m concerned#I don’t wanna seem douchy or rude and I’m too terrified of talking to people anyway#so yeah that was wild it took me about 5 seconds between apologizing and seeing the suitcases for it to click who they were#aew#all elite wrestling#aew collision#roderick strong#mike bennett#matt taven
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sorry for being so rambly today (and last night) I have thoughts so onto the blog they go
I feel like part of the joy of art is in community, like you create something and you get to talk about it and share it with the world. This year I lost touch with the friends who I would always talk about art with and I think that loss is heavily impacting my ability to create (and the enjoyment I get from it.) I miss having a new idea and getting to ramble about it excitedly. I miss texting people the sketches and the mock ups and the color palettes.
I got into art for me. I wouldn’t show anything I made to anyone for years. So I’m no stranger for creating for the target audience of myself. Still, I miss that sense of community. I love this blog and I absolutely adore the lovely comments you all leave on my art but sometimes it feels so one-sided on here. I post a piece, I receive a lovely tag back and that’s it. End of story. I spend hours and hours working on something and it kind of disappears into the void in a day or so.
Trying to put it into words, but I think I wish I could create art that starts a conversation. That inspires people to create their own things in response, or even just talk with me about process. I think the perfectionism has gotten out of hand lately because I feel like I’m missing something—which I attribute to the quality of the piece—but really what I’m missing is buddies to chat about art with. There is no level of being “good enough” that will serve as a substitute for a real community.
#ahaha if you can’t tell I am a very introspective person#and a lonely one the transition to college has been rough and all my friends are back home#anyways I was thinking about drawing more stuff for my ocs today#and then I remembered the friend I loved to talk about them with hasn’t replied to me in a month#which is understandable. she’s busy. she made new friends. she’s not struggling like I am so it makes sense that she’s just kind of moved on#but I miss her#I had no chance of making it to her in group because all her friends she met through dance and I can’t dance for shit#I don’t even think she meant to ghost me but who knows#it sucks that I won’t get a real goodbye#anyways all of that to say I was going to draw my ocs and then I got so sad because who would I even share them with#there are a few art groups on campus but I have anxiety and mild agoraphobia and when I try to go I just feel awkward and shy#anyways if anyone ever wants to chat about art#it’s only one of my fav things in the whole world#lea talks#WHY CANT I BE A PROPER TORTURED ARTIST#WHY CANT I TURN MY ISOLATION INTO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL#WHY DO I NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO BE PRESENT IN THE PROCRESS#is it not enough to descend into a quiet madness on my own and create from that??
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think part of my reasoning is that "does simon snow get his magic back" doesn't immediately register in my brain as "simon snow's power is restored to him and he can cast spells again like any other magician" in my brain, he still has magic. magic is everywhere. he just can't use magic on a personal level. and as a guy surrounded by videos without closed captions at work i jus
#del/lat#THIS IS JUST A SILLY THOUGHT SORRY FOR BOUNCING OFF YOUR POST MESSOFTHEJESS#I JUST THINK ABOUT IT A LOT#simon when he lost his magic reminds me a lot of me when i first started really feeling the CursesTM#i too completely fucking caved in on myself for a very long time and thought that my life was over#turns out the time will pass anyway#IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING TO READ BUT LIKE. only because i felt called out so hard. like having an infection excised#there are elements that will always suck (i have repeatedly been told i am Stupid as if that's something i can?? do anything about???)#(buddy if i can't understand you then i can't understand you. sorry let me just flip the lever and Regain Essential Brain Function)#it sucks! and it will keep sucking. such is the way of being able to have thoughts and feelings.#but like. the sun still came up. i'm still on the right side of the dirt. if god wants me dead hes gonna have to come down here himself#watch me delete this in an hour cause i'm shy about being vulnerable on the internet#these are really good useful books for me and i felt very seen
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
I spent this week drawing what felt like a million refs for various characters from my own warriors stories that have been living in my head for the past couple of years, and I feel a bit like I'm going mad lol.
#i am in an emotionally fragile state too bc I've been sick for the past two weeks (just a cold but it suuuucks)#and i recently finished playing a game with my brother that hit us both waaaayy harder than expected#so anyway the other day i was drawing this cat and thinking how sad her life is. and i just want someone to tell her it's not her fault#which led to me inventing anOTHER story in my head during work today just so she can get some closure#anyway these are all quick drawings bc i was just trying to get as many done as fast as i can#so they're not the best designs but I've been enjoying the process#it would be fun to share them but i am absurdly shy about sharing any of my own creative endeavors#part of me wants to talk about these stories but a way larger part of me knows they're not very exciting and idk what to say#sometimes cats are just sad!!! and they talk about their feelings and then they die!! such is the life of a warrior. you know how it goes#pigeon mews#OH YEAH i started saying all this just to say it's long past time for a fresh icon and i wanna use one of these but idk who yet#that's something for tomorrow me to figure out
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
idea where Kenny is desperately trying so hard to confess to Kyle and just say I love you but somehow every time they get interrupted by something or someone and Kenny is a man of very few words and its hard to get alone and eventually Kyle’s on the brink of insanity like “fucking SAY IT KENNY” and violently shakes Kenny so much he doesn’t even hear it clear the first time
#if this is stupid in my defense i am tired and anxious#rimble ramble#south park#my headcanons#k2#not sure why this came to me just now but i love me a sudden serious#love confession moment but it could be also a lil funny#if we ride tht 'very quiet reserved kenny' interp that i love#to switch to often hhhhhhhhhhhh#this is one where idk wht i'd do with the idea#not enough for a fic but a lotta work for a drawing/comic#I really like to play with an almost shy?? kenny like he literally is so quiet#ANYWAYS my ocd is acting up hard im stressing about fucking rebloging ORDER CAN U STOP BRAIN
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/25d6b80db64108fd2c7bc710900d943d/973d3b99fd82c1a1-9c/s540x810/253595c6b3199a7c17549fa7f5072b9f29be3c23.jpg)
Pls enjoy a wip from the mega sketch batch for now because I am not normal about Good Hunter Ruza ever ✨️
#sin scribbles#(she is here at the ungodly hour of 9am)#(WITH A CIGGGY MIND U!!! very rare for ruza. she only smokes when she is real troubled about smth. or when loy is being a bad influence)#(theres art of that coming in the batch this is from 8) i am....truly being awful)#(the real question is if i will be brave enough to post the art of ruza with her tiddies half out or if i will get too shy LOL)#(most likely the latter but damn it that sketch is one of my faves......)#(anyway. ruza in ruffles? my religion.)#(ruza in her casual outfits from before yharnam? i pray at this church every day.)#(ruza. in general. my good hunter. my angel. my beloved.)#(i hope u guys are prepared for that massive brainrot post bc god 😂)#(u followed this blog and now u pay the price i am sorry.)
28 notes
·
View notes