#anyway getting super distracted

[wasyago]

the brainrot won

[ruanbaijie]

MEET YOU AT THE BLOSSOM 花开有时颓靡无声 (2024) 1.03

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[surreal-duck]

snail in my ear telling me to draw them 32098 more times: me, listening to the snail:

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Why is Erik taking a shower and is fully prepared to fight naked in that panel 😭

my man turning into a baby is a typical tuesday activity but the second he wanna little naked shower fight NOW its suspicious 🤨

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)

so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.

anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)

If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.

To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.

The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.

I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.

so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you

[teemdark]

Consume sonk. Become one of us 👍

[perelka-l]

i crave incest

[zrllosyn-art]

Loosely following bweird's oc-tober prompt, which has "new oc" as day 2.

These three were made together as a team so! I drew all 3 of them. A group of weirdos (affectionate). Technically a research team.

[st4rstudent]

I've had this idea for a while but everytime I actually gave it thought, I'd get frightened last minute. But anyways, with summer coming up (and more free time), I've been considering making an ask blog of sorts just for fun. Does that seem like anything anyone would be interested in

naturally itd be more hc based because well. heh. looks around. gets scared

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

watching fandaniel go is wild because he is just [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] and yeah man that's a mood

[piraticoctopus]

Made the mistake of listening to ttyd chapter battle themes medley on youtube too many times in the car so now when my brain decides to play one track and gets to the end it just goes right into the next one and forms an endless loop

[brendathedoodler]

Thinking about the Mr L hero au again.

During the battles with the Sammer Kingdom before the world was destroyed, Mr L is actually kinda enjoying himself. He very much believes he needs to prove himself (though this is partially from the programming to his personality, he was given the role of ‘bright new minion of Count Bleck who wants to impress him and prove his worth to the team’) and is eager to show off for the team with his rocket boosters and ray gun.

Anyway, Mr L manages to work together with Mario incredibly. They’re extremely in sync, just like they always are. It’s a little bit of Luigi shining through despite the mocking jeers Mr L gives to their enemies.

He’s having fun. He’s getting along with the team, even if he’s still a jerk.

Then the world is destroyed. It’s nothing but emptiness.

“This is what Count Bleck plans to do to all worlds,” Peach says.

Mr L doesn’t respond.

“Is this truly what you want?”

He glares at her. “I wanted my own world.”

“What is it that you want in your perfect world, then?”

Mr L realizes he doesn’t have an answer. He was never programmed to have one, only that he wanted this ‘perfect’ world desperately enough to destroy all others to get it. Since it wasn’t something he’d ever have, what his perfect world truly consisted of was never made for him. He doesn’t know how to answer.

The team continues forward through the emptiness. There’s nothing but a ruined pure heart at the end. Nobody is there to fight them for it.

It’s just emptiness.

Mr L begins to question things.

On the walk back to the door, Mr L is lagging behind. Mario takes notice and steps back with him.

“Are you alright?”

“Shut up.”

Mario does. They walk side by side. Mr L doesn’t make any indication that he doesn’t want Mario there.

Mr L opens his mouth to talk, then stops multiple times. He doesn’t know how to say what he wants. Mario is quiet, just as Mr L told him to be.

“I was thinking about my perfect world,” he says finally.

Mario feels afraid suddenly. What if this brainwashed version of his brother thinks of something worth betraying them for?

“It doesn’t make any sense, though! Why didn’t I have one before!?” Mr L exclaims, clearly frustrated. “Why would I go into this with just a vague idea! I’m a genius! You’ve seen my brobot! I don’t go into anything without a plan!”

Mario had seen the way Mr L rushes into battle and is sure that isn’t true, but he just nods along. He doesn’t want to stop him. It seems like Mr L is coming suspiciously close to realizing that his entire identity is a lie. Whatever comes from that realization, Mario wants to be there for him.

“But the strangest part isn’t that I didn’t have a clear plan. The real strangest part is that I don’t even really think of brobot much anymore,” Mr L admits. “Isn’t that fucked up? My own brother! He got destroyed and all of a sudden I stop thinking of him. It took me way too long to remember that my perfect world was supposed to include him.”

Mario doesn’t know what to say about that. He’s almost hopeful, though.

“But I guess you think you know why this is happening, don’t you?” It comes out as an accusation, but Mr L seems just the slightest bit unsure.

Mario’s heart aches for him. Poor Luigi, confused and lost in whatever Nastasia did to his head.

There’s a silence between them. Mario realizes it’s probably his turn to speak. “I’d like to think you built your brobot to replace something you didn’t know was missing.”

And Mr L scoffs. “Of course that’s what you think.

They fall into silence again. Mario doesn’t know how to respond. He knows what Luigi would like. Luigi wants assurance, he’d want to hear what Mario has to say. He’d want to know if Mario agrees with his idea.

But Mr L is avoiding admitting the conclusion he’s come to. Usually it’s Mario who sugarcoats things, and Luigi who is more blunt. Now they’re both dancing around the topic, but Mario can’t help but worry that trying to be clear about what he thinks will push Mr L away. Mr L hates being wrong, after all.

So he does the next thing Luigi would like: he gives him a hug.

“Whether you’re my brother or not, I’ll be here for you.”

Mr L goes rigid. Just as Mario is about to let go, he relaxes ever so slightly. He hesitates, slowly moving his arms around Mario to return the hug. He doesn’t quite make contact, but it’s the closest thing to physical affection he’s gotten from Mr L so far. He’s not pushing him away.

Mr L stares out at the empty expanse of nothingness, unsure of what to think. He should be pushing Mario away, but suddenly he’s never felt safer. He’s stuck between two conflicting feelings and he doesn’t know what to do.

Finally Mario pulls away. “Are you feeling alright?” he asks softly.

“Fuck off!” Mr L snaps, shaking himself out of the stupor and running ahead. Mario doesn’t chase, just continuing to follow at a normal stroll.

It hurts, but he knows he needs to give Mr L time to process this. He can’t imagine how difficult it would be to realize your entire life is a lie. He tries to ignore the pang of hurt, and just gives his brother some space.

Mr L won’t admit to being wrong, not out loud, but he admits to himself that maybe he had built brobot to replace a brother he couldn’t remember.

And maybe, just maybe, that brother is Mario.

[junonreactor]

just did all the party sidequests. that was really cute

[rawliverandgoronspice]

.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

I keep having to pause the game because. Wow. He is so pretty.