#anyway I think I've ranted myself out
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Today I sent my 100th job application.
#personal#unemployment saga#silently screaming#I've only had about 6 or 7 interviews#it's been over 3 months#please for the love of g-d can someone just employ me already#yesterday I got a call saying I didn't get a job that I interviewed for#and the person said ''please keep applying for roles with us! you've got so many great skills!''#and I was 👌 this close to bursting into tears on the phone#''keep applying for roles'' what do you think I've been doing for the past 105 days???#meanwhile I search ''part time information technology roles'' on a job aggregator website#and it comes back with four (4) jobs for chefs#every single job ad wants a ''confident self-starter who likes stressful#fast-paced environments'' and I'm like#where's the jobs for quiet people??#anyway I think I've ranted myself out
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the "why do demographics even matter" discourse started up in shoujo twitter again because someone asked for shoujo recs and kept getting Apothecary Diaries, Witch Hat Atelier, and Skip and Loafer.
And it's so frustrating sometimes to see people brush off others getting mad bc "those are great series anyways so why does it matter if they're not actually shoujo"
Because that's not what they asked for, maybe??? Like even if demographics didn't matter, if the only qualifiers for shoujo were "has female lead, written by woman, no fanservice" why can you (average twitter weeb recommending something) only think of like, 5 series? And it's always the same fucking 5 series!!! Isn't that interesting? Isn't that weird?? That out of all of the manga in the whole wide world, the only ones that you can muster up for female-led and penned are the same shounen and seinen series that everyone already knows about??
And that's not me being all snobbish bc you don't know about some random niche shoujo manga from the 80s that I think deserves more attention or whatever the fuck, it's me saying THAT'S WHY DEMOS STILL MATTER!!! Because shoujo is not fucking popular in the west. it is not widespread enough for laymen to just come across new series in the wild as often as they will other demos.
There is a gigantic and diverse pool of stories that exists in the shoujo demographic. There are so many great fucking series from years ago and today that nobody knows about because you have to know to look for them. You just aren't going to be recommended shoujosei heavy hitters that are widely beloved by it's community like you are shounen or seinen. Like, if you ask for stuff to look out for in the coming seasons, you're going to get a lot more Kaiju No. 8 and Dandadan then you are Nina and the Starry Eyed Bride or Honey Lemon Soda. Odds are, out of those four, most people reading this probably only heard of the former.
And again that's not me trying to flex some weird superiority over knowing more "niche" series or whatever. I'm just trying to stress the point that it matters when people ask for shoujo. Because so often unless they go to it, so many of these incredible series will simply never get a good foothold in western audiences.
It matters because a twitter user asking for shoujo recs will absolutely come across twenty other people begging them to read Skip and Loafer. You do not need to be the lone soldier hoisting Skip and Loafer onto your shoulders on a post where OP did not ask. If you want to recommend a series but don't know if it's shoujo, it's very easy to just google it. If you don't have any to rec, then just leave it to others who do.
And maybe also take that as a sign that you can start looking too! Along with the most gentle reminder that demos are not genres. If you don't want romance stories, ask for something else. And just like someone will like one shounen (i.e. FMA) but not another (i.e. Rent-a-Girlfriend), you will come across shoujo series that you like and those that you don't.
#anyways#that's my monthly rant out of the way#sorry for the sudden nonsequitor away from previous posts#but shoujotwt discourse always sticks in my head and if I wanted to keep thinking about Aer/Ti kissing I needed to expell this demon#and I'm actually annoyed at myself bc i've wanted to talk about the series I've been reading#but I'm so goddamn slow at finishing them that time just keeps passing#goodnight 🫡
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Just found out my toxic friend from elementary school grew up to be a TERF 💀
#why does this keep happening#like everytime I get curious about a woman and girl that traumatized me I find out they're a TERF now#first my emotional abusive special ed teacher and now my toxic friend/bully?#anyways that child had ISSUES#she was just manipulative as fuck#beefed with every boy I liked#made fun of all my interests#chastized me for setting boundaries#would get really aggresive and mean when she was mad#and when I tried to stick up for myself she'd hit me with the whole 'wah I was adopted'#no joke she's like 20% of the reason I struggle with empathy to this day#anyway that was my trauma dump of the week#trans#lgbtqia#rant post#terf que veo terf que pateo#female abusers#keep in mind every adult in my life would just down play her antics#'you should just be more patient with her she's been through a lot' and you think *I* haven't#'you just need to set healthy boundaries' I've tried that and she twisted my wrist#Also when I finally cut her off and stopped being friends with her she used our mutual friend to try and manipulate me#back into a friendship with her#that mutual friend and I are besties now and she's appologized for that lol
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Guys... Listen I know I said I'd draw something for valentine's day but I had a bit of a rough week sooooo I'm just going to write it out instead, maybe I'll finish drawing it some day, maybe not. It's behind a show more because it's long.
(also there's talks about having sex but no actual sex, and like, general warnings about Ghost's backstory but it's very vague here).
Soap was hanging around outside, trying to bring himself to do something, anything. But the weather was nice for a February day, and the sun was out, and it was making him feel like a cat basking in the heat.
An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders, a huge body suddenly weighing on him. Ghost.
Soap hummed comfortably. This day was getting better by the minute. Any chill he might have felt from being outside in a tank top out of pure Scottish spite was instantly soothed.
Simon often times saw himself as a cold man, freezing to the touch, hidden behind a layer of ice. A proper little Elsa, Soap almost snorted out loud. The truth was that while yes, his fingers and toes' temperature was sometimes abysmal, especially in bed, the rest of him was the warmest place Johnny had ever been.
"I've got something for you in our room," Ghost whispered against his throat, making Soap shiver.
Simon had begun calling Soap's room theirs a few weeks ago and Johnny couldn't have enough of it. He was so in love it genuinely hurt sometimes to restrain himself from squeezing him to death.
"Is that so?" he purrs, knowing how Ghost likes that. If this day didn't end in sex he'd be very surprised. He'd long learned to recognize when Simon wanted sex and when he didn't, and the way he squeezed his pec in response to his voice was a very easy tell.
But then again Simon was way less subtle than he thought he was.
They made their way back to their room, and there it was, a repurposed shoebox, badly wrapped with cheap wrapping paper. Johnny couldn't be more excited, he had never received any gift from a significant other. To be fair he adored gifting but always felt awkward receiving.
But this was Simon. Something that Simon had chosen to give him.
He sat on the bed, leaving enough space behind him for Ghost to sit there so he could use him as a very comfortable backrest. When he did, he grabbed the gift and began opening it.
He knew that Ghost liked to tear the wrapping paper, liked the sound of it and liked tearing it into the smallest pieces possible after, but he himself loved carefully unwrapping it and folding it flat so he could later maybe do an origami with it or put a piece in his journal. Probably both.
This one was full of tape but he still very much enjoyed himself, considered it a challenge. He enjoyed the chase, wanted to drag it on. Ghost huffed impatiently behind him, a bit tense, probably nervous.
Inside the box was a weird old fashioned clunky thing. It was bright red, looked slightly like binoculars, definitely from the 70's, with a wheel of tiny pictures wedged in the top of it. Memories hit him all at once.
"Oh my god ah remember, my Ma had one of these when ah was a child! My sister and I loved it, it had pretty landscapes in!"
He put it against his eyes, excited to see what this one came with. At his biggest surprise, it was a picture of them. Simon had customised it.
The picture showed the back of himself a bit further away from the camera, pointing at something while in full gear, in a dilapidated town, Ghost's face in the foreground looking at the camera. It looked like Soap was talking to someone, but that person was cut by the framing.
"Wait, ah remember that mission, it's when ah saved Gaz from a landmine just to be shot seconds later," he laughed. "ah spent two fucking weeks in the hospital, ah was miserable. Ye kept joking ah should hiv left Gaz explode while staring at him, he was convinced ye actually wanted him dead!"
Then the next picture was indeed him in his hospital bed, unconscious but the state of his injuries told him he was probably just sleeping at least a few days after his admission, his life no longer in danger. In this one, Ghost was sleeping too, head in his elbow near Soap's head and his other hand holding Soap's hand.
"Who took this one?" Soap asked, moved by the tenderness of Ghost's hold on him in the picture. It would have been right after Johnny had admitted to maybe liking him more than friends, before they were officially dating.
"The hospital one?"
Soap hummed.
"Price did. Said it was for blackmail. Should have seen him, he looked like his child had just married the person of their dreams and had ridden off into a rainbow on a unicorn or some shit. Old man's sentimental as fuck, but I didn't call him on his bullshit, he's already old, that's punishment enough."
Soap giggled in response. The next few pictures were all of them together but each time he was either turning his back or asleep.
"Why the fuck am ah never looking at the camera?" he whined. He wanted some cute couple pictures, dammit!
"Couldn't have you suspecting what I was planning," Simon said, kissing his shoulder soothingly. Only then Soap noticed that he had taken his mask off at some point and turned to ask for a proper kiss, which he immediately got.
"Keep going, there's more pictures," Simon whispered against his lips when he tried to turn around to kiss him some more. His pouting only got him a smirk in response, so he got comfortable again and brought the slide viewer back against his eyes.
He was happy he did. The next picture waiting for him was just Simon in the mirror, almost in full gear, but with one gloveless hand dragging his trousers down so the camera could see the bottom of his stomach, follow along his happy trail and reaching the very top of his pubic hair. The picture cut of his head, but he could see that his mouth was uncovered and he was holding the glove with his teeth.
Soap groaned. "Steaming Jesus, love, you're so hot."
He felt Simon hide his face in the back of his neck, warmer than usual, and chuckled a bit. He loved him so fucking much.
There were four more pictures of Simon, in various suggestive poses and states of undress, some almost showing his cock but never quite committing, making Johnny feel like he was being teased.
He was getting hard though and so ready to be done with the pictures and access the real thing. But Simon was still tense behind him. In fact, he had only gotten tenser and tenser with each click.
Soap was unsure why. They never had a problem with their sexual life, Simon had already changed his mind about having sex after starting and Soap had absolutely no problem with that, was glad to hug him instead and reassure him when he had tried to apologize.
Simon knew that there was no pressure, ever, to have sex. Hell, Johnny would still be happy even if Simon decided that he never wanted to have sex again, and he had made sure to make Simon understand that.
Then he got to the last picture and immediately understood.
It wasn't a picture of either of them, just a little bit of paper, with a few words written in Ghost's awful handwriting.
Just a few words that made Johnny drop the viewer on the covers and turn around to grab Simon's face, worriedly looking in his eyes.
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking for any trace of Simon forcing himself. "Baby, ah'm happy to bottom for the rest of mah life, there's no pressure, okay?"
Simon looked at him with warmth in his eyes and his cheeks completely red, a wrapping bow added on top of his head. "I know," he said simply. "I just want to. I don't want to be haunted by memories anymore. I used to like it, and I want to like it again. With you. Just.... Be gentle, okay?"
Johnny kissed his forehead. "Ah dinnae think ah ken how no tae be gentle with ye, love."
#cod mw2#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#ghostsoap#soapghost#listen i'm sure there are romantic people somewhere who think it's valentine's day everyday so how late can that be#to be fair i am terrible at deadlines i don't know why i keep giving them to myself cause i soon as i do i know i'm never doing the thing#i've also burnt out my drawing capacities for now so probably expect more writing than drawing for a bit while my poor tiny brain recovers#if anyone is wondering yes soap forgot it was valentine's day#not because he forgot about it - he just forgot to track the days and didn't know they were the 14th he had a gift ready tho#he got ghost a chocolate tablet that ghost had once complained about not being able to find anymore that's actually just me complaining irl#that my supermarket doesn't seem to have white chocolate tablets with puffed rice inside like they did when i was a child#i have no idea how that applies to anywhere else lmao maybe other supermarkets have them but i hate going to supermarkets i don't know#anyway lmao sorry my love language is ranting#soap doesn't generally like receiving gifts because he feels like he doesn't deserve them like he didn't have to work for them#and so he feels guilty when he gets one but he hasn't told anyone about that#he was happy there but if ghost gives him ''too many'' gifts he's gonna start feeling bad bc he has just as much issues as everyone else#just hides them better
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date 🤩 it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping the–#–peace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me because–#–they wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you for–#–a while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someone–#–like me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and “stayed together for the kids” whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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Bios stating "No HaTe In CoMmEnTs" and then the content being "omg I love rpm haha" and slurs towards lance just makes me want to never interact with f 1 online ever again 🫠 my lovely sweet mutuals genuinely keeping me sane and here icl
#Like I left f/1twt cause that place was a cesspool#Someone calling my birthday cursed because of the f/1 results that day was just the final straw on an already overloaded camel's back#And like I barely engage with f1 content on tiktok either because again a cesspool but nooooo the algorithm thinks I want to see him 🤮#The account was blocked IMMEDIATELY but I just need to get it out or I'll stew on it#And I need less things to stew on I already have to deal with childish bully behaviour and straight up bigotry at work#My patience is at its limit#Rant over? Yeah#But honestly the little Lance nation gang I've surrounded myself with here on Tumblr are saints#So much talent and brilliant ideas flowing so supportive of each other I love it!#A genuine light in my life you guys are amazing#Oop gotta change the tags cause this was not meant to show up in the main tag goddamn it Tumblr 😭😭#13 years here you'd think I'd have figured out the tagging system by now#Anyways g'night lovelies
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does it personally hurt my feelings when people (rightfully) critique SS's controls and how nosey Fi is?
yes
because this game is etched into my soul and mind I don't know how to explain it
#its so weird for me cause like#i played it when i was 11#felt INSTANTLY and INSANSELY connected to it like it was part of me#REALLY connected to link. the master sword. zelda. the sky. fi. felt like it was a game MADE for me#didnt get into LOZ after i played some of it as a kid. i think its bc it wasnt the same#but now. im actually going through the games#and im enjoying myself#but beforehand. did i still name myself after the main character of a franchise i've only played one game of?#yes of fucking course i did thats how much this ONE (1) game and character means to me#i actually never finished it when i was 11#i always wanted to finish it but i never did until i finished highschool and was about to go to college#i was 17. the exact same age as our hero. it was *the* right time#i loved the game more than i ever did before. finally seeing it through and finishing link's (my) story/journey#now it feels just as special cause im finally branching out and getting to know this character (technically me in a self-reflective way)#even more through the other stories#ugh. anyway. big dumb rant about how much i respect this piece of media after seeing more criticism to it.#yeah i like to go off. i know people love it which is comforting but. i just wish it was more loved#skyward sword
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like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself
#and a school system while theyre at it#or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself#just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself#i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay#i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord#thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one#im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill#myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye.#all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too#i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay#i just#i dont know what im fucking doing#i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too#but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it#i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour#i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery#i miss being able to show my mother my report card#but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place#and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all#aethers rants#cw vent#cw sui ideation#personal posts and stuff idk
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still thinking about how one of my first yyh meta posts got reblogged onto an sjw cringe comp blog in the year of our woke 2022. truly tumblr dot com, the last bastion of progressivism, has fallen (<- sarcasm) and also i'm kinda baffled that they didn't choose like. me putting yusuke in a skirt or something
#the post was a joke about how sensui might've been lackluster/bad DID rep i liked that all 7 of them were on board with wiping out humanity#like a LOT of my yyh content would make really good fodder for this kind of blog and they went for THAT?? damn#i could probably run a better sjw fail blog than them. i won't bc i choose to spend my time on equally unproductive yet nicer things but#like. guys my he/him nb bi arospec yusuke content is RIGHT THERE. the trans hiei stuff. the kuwameshi rants GUYS IM PRACTICALLY#SPOONFEEDING YOU DELICIOUS NUTRITIOUS CONTENT AND YOU CONTINUE TO SHOVEL DIRT IN YOUR MOUTH INSTEAD#note: i don't think i've actually posted about yusuke being arospec but it might actually be my strongest hc about him#nb yusuke is mostly bc it makes me happy and a tiny bit bc of his approach to gender social norms and group divisions#i think he would think gender is stupid yknow? why the hell should he be a man just bc a bunch of ppl decided it for him?#i think it touches on his anti-authority + anti-chivalry thing well. he has a certain kind of openmindedness to him (emphasis on 'certain#kind' there) visible in his approach to fighters and demon-human relations#bi yusuke is bc he has some of the most 'yeah obv i'd fuck a dude guys are hot. this is an opinion everyone has' energy i've ever seen#but i think arospec yusuke touches on his arc (esp his relationship with keiko) much more prominently#anyway i think it only ended up on there bc someone rbed it talking about a limitation in my perspective (judging 90s rep by 2022 standards#and while i think the points raised were largely valid the guy who made them seems to have been in that kinda circle#also this post reminded me that i (probably?) haven't made a joke on here i've been making to myself for years so im gonna go post that now#anyway most of you weren't around for that so i thought this would be a fun bit of lore to share
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i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)
#xelle.txt#i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl#i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group#i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite#and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends#my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with-#-them either#i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too#that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because-#-of my inability to stay consistent#also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway#honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless#to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before#the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol#there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!!#and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader#which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present#anyway#hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working#lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out.#this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS#imma sleep now 😭#idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do#goodnight everypony 🫶#vent tw#rant tw
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No one talk to me I just came back from a family vacation to find out my favorite youtuber ever is leaving the platform.
I am devastated.
(I am actually happy for him, he has given me so much happiness for like 8 years. He deserves to let the channel go an enjoy his life. It just hurts, but I'll get over it
I'm so thankful for MatPat and Steph. I Hope every future endeavour or project they take on is successful and that over all they have a happy and fulfilling life with Ollie.💚❤️💛💙)
#I leave to a place with no cellphone signal and come back to this?#may be the lord was protecting me idk#What do I call this? a personal rant? Im not really ranting more like letting my feelings out#venting if you#never done this on my blog before but I feel like I have to#I've been a Fan of game theory since I was like 13 or 14#He was like the first youtuber I ever suscribed to#that spoke english cause my first language is spanish lol#His videos and overall community meant a lot to me. I dont know how could I possibly express that#Of course Im going to still watch the videos after he is gone with the new hosts but still it wont be the same#Hope this doesnt sound too like sad. I dont mean to be negative. I am legitemetly so proud and happy for him#I mean He had one of the classiest goodbyes of YouTube at least I can say my favorite youtuber was never cancelled thats a win haha#But seriously he has achieved so much and has over all been such a positive influencer how could I not be proud to call myself a Fan#so truly I am not sad He ended on the highest note you could ask for. I cannot ask for anything more from him.#I am not sad However I did cry like a Baby during the Video. Man I just. Im tearing up even thinking about it#but anyway#You bet I am going to watch every single one of his videos the second they upload until march 9.#And then I am going to dedicate the day to the celebration he supposedly plans for then#I will probably vent some more in a bigger post then too. like I did in this tags lol.#Right now... I just cant. I need to process a little more heh#MatPat#Matthew Patrick#The game Theorists#game theory#goodbye matpat
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You know this time next year, when I haven't spoken to mum in months and I'm not coming home for xmas, I hope she thinks back on days like today and is like "yeah that's probably the reason he went no contact"
#max rambles a lot#sometimes i think that maybe things will be okay and i won't have to cut off the other half of my family when i move out#and then days like this happen where both of them start screaming at me because idk the way i'm feeling is inconvient to them#and *my* autism and mh isn't an excuse for being 'bone idle' and 'lazy' (i swear i'm really trying i'm just Going Through It rn)#but theirs is an excuse to treat me like shit#i fucking hate it here#i've decided that whether or not this opportunity comes to fruition i'm moving to York in september#opposite side of the country while still being in the north#hate the idea of moving out of manchester tbh i love it but a fresh start is what i need so 🤷🏻#yeah fuck them both tbh i worked so hard to buy them nice xmas gifts that i know they'll love#and almost broke myself on multiple occassions to clean this hovel of a house and it's never fucking good enough#i am the only one who is *still* sleeping on the floor because mum and my sister both have new beds and mattresses#and i got yelled at for trying to figure out if i could afford to get a bed too#because mum didn't want the hassle of sorting my room out too before xmas so i have to wait until the new year???#like fuck off i'm so tired of being on the floor all the time i hate it here sm#anyway i'm sad and tired and angry i've really had enough i just needed to rant into the void#because if i go off at either of them it turns into 3 days of screaming at me and i'm way too tired for that honestly
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You ever make a spidersona Jay? owo
I have thought about it before but never sat down to design one or think about it too heavily. I haven't watched spiderverse 2 yet so maybeeee I might when I do!
But... kinda slim chances (haha) that I will since my body type wouldn't work great for a spider person. 😔 the only fat spiderman I've found that exists (outside the movie) is basically a fatphobic joke and... that is really soul crushing and makes me hesitant to even make a spidersona. :( My body image is. already not great and I'm super self conscious about my weight :(
#bug letters [asks]#i've been mulling this over for a while tbh... p much since the movie came out#i haven't seen the movie yet so maybe i'll be surprised [doubt]#i was even thinking about making a comic about my feelings towards a fat spiderman but never happened#''anyone can wear the mask... unless you're fat.''#but anyway. all fat self shippers with fat spidersonas are stronger than any us marine 🫡 know that ilu#my body dysphoria probably won't let me unfortunately 😔 and there's no way i'll draw myself skinny#sorry for ranting!! i know you didn't ask for my bs hfhdhd 😭
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"your secondary research, arguments and ideas were very original and impressive and showed very thorough demonstration. you should be incredibly proud of this work this is genuinely the best i've marked of yours in three years. also i know i told you that structure is subjective and there's no right way to structure an essay but you structured this wrong and your title is very wordy lol so here's a 66"
#I am so severely praying on her downfall she has no idea#i was going to be mysterious and not rant in the tags but i NEED TO omg#she wouldn't stfu about 'i want original ideas. give me something ORIGINAL GUYS'.#and this woman i'm absolutely convinced has it out for me because she has nitpicked and destroyed every single assignment i've done for her#(she marked me down for an audio recording of a presentation because apparently i didn't handle the subject matter 'maturely')#(she thinks i didn't want to say the words breasts or folds)#(I didn't CARE i was literally just out of breath from trying to fit 20 slides into a ten minute voice note but FINE WHATEVER)#so anyway for this essay i was like fucking bet i'm about to blow you away#but there was nothing she taught us in the seminars that was really worth expanding on#or that hadn't been taught or talked about before#so i went ahead and did this massive essay on eroticism of the decadence period. fin de siecle. victorian hellenism etc#all the research btw i did myself because all this woman did was mention pederasty maybe once in person#and she had the nerve to mention that i had 'planted the seeds for a first tier essay' like WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN#if the only thing that it lacked was 'slightly awkward structure' 'occasional referencing mistakes' and a WORDY TITLE#A FUCKING WORDY TITLE#WHY NOT JUST GIVE IT A 70#noooooo she had to be different couldn't even give me a 68. fucking 66.#absolute tramp i fucking hate this woman idc#she's my personal tutor as well how absolutely useless
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Fun fact about me: I have several years of training in literary analysis in particular.
Other fun fact about me: I also write creatively.
Third fun fact about me: I am very autistic.
Fun conclusion about me synthesizing these three details: I have studied a lot about what makes a story tick mechanically, and so I can in fact occasionally go on an absolute RANT, with very little prompting, about stories in video games and why certain ones do or don’t work, at least in my opinion. This is fun for me. Genuinely. If I ever DO get around to writing that thematic analysis of the Ace Attorney games formatted like a goddamned academic thesis, it will be because I had the free time and the motivation finally aligned to spend a month or two doing something like this, and I will be happy for it. I genuinely do want to, just. Time, energy, million other projects in my brain.
... In other news, my local gaming discord was talking about Mass Effect earlier.
#tag rant#and it turns out every time I think 'oh I've hit the bottom of why this doesn't work for me' I get another 'and one MORE thing!'#and how thematically and mechanically this can make the ending so thoroughly hard of a sell#but basically the short version is that they could keep the ending as is or they could make a golden ending for rannoch#but they couldn't actually do both and still make it work. like. pretty much period. for that ending to work you can't do it#golden rannoch in particular just SO THOROUGHLY refutes the ending's central argument#and none of the endings actually challenge that argument enough to match up to the fact that your actions have.#not with the amount of work you put into ACHIEVING the golden ending for Rannoch. not in an interactive medium#if all that work still ends in 'nope. sorry. you have to choose' then yeah THEN I'd buy the central premise a bit more!#I'd still find it a thematically inconsistent premise on some routes but whatever you've supported your thesis with evidence#... yeah anyway that's the SHORT version#you have no idea how many tags I cut for this#fun fact I am not even all that invested in Mass Effect. I never played them myself. I just feel THAT strongly about this specific point.#(I did however watch my brother play it's not like I have NO investment. But I was not the one making those choices.)
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#forgot i had one more uhhhh idk personal update post?#lemme give you a quick meaningless rant to bury the tags i want to be less visible#i think my mom's finally over the dementia hump and i am worried about how to handle that since i'm apparently#the designated problem solver for this family#but idk how to solve that problem idk what you do when someone has dementia and refuses to see it#like i have no problem financially taking care of it for her i just don't know how to social part of it works#anyway we had our monthly team meeting today#and my boss kept bringing me up!#he was very nice but also i'm easy to embarrass!#and it's setting off my weird neuroses where i convince myself everyone's gonna hate me#as soon as i stop being perfect#IN MY DEFENSE this truly happened a year ago!#so that is not me being paranoid...#my true goal in life is to find that ideal level where like...#i outperform your average person enough to be noticed#but not so much that i eventually burn out#and i fear it is unrealistic :(#BUT for now my two main projects at work are both department expo projects for our organization-wide presentation coming up#and they are watching far too closely to see if my proposal wins for my external project#so i am scared of crashing and burning#even though i've gotten almost nothing but positive feedback in my entire time here
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