#anyway I love analyzing shit and I will never run out of victims

[bookwyrm-art-stuff]

I analyze fandoms the same way I analyze the media they're built around and that should concern all of you

[bug-bites]

batfam beach episode?? real not clickbait no glue no borax??

cw: nothing! pure vacation beach fluff (p≧w≦q) also barely proofread,,,

pairing: gn!reader x batfam (NOT ALL AT ONCE.)

characters: dick grayson, jason babygirl todd, cassandra cain, tim drake, damian wayne (all intended to be interpreted as either romantic or platonic unless its damian. ik in some comic runs he's like an adult but hes like permanently 12 in my head and i dont fw that :/)

a/n: im back with a new dc obsession tee hee (soz to everyone who wanted more abt the cod guys or spiderverse im comicsmaxxing and redhoodpilled) will probably make a part 2 w/ bruce, babs, steph, and duke eventually :3c

Dick Grayson haha dick

oh he loves the beach so much

the sand beneath his feet make him feel nostalgic from when he would practice tumbling with his parents in the circus ring i think there's sand in circus rings right? I dunno someone fact check me on that one

the victim of being buried in the sand, always asks for a mermaid tail but ends up with something like massive sand tits (courtesy of either tim or jason), he laughs it off anyways

somehow gets the worst tan lines. He wore a swim shirt one time and never again because the tan lines looked SO BAD which is a total shame because he tans gorgeously

will beg to do play shoulder wars i have no clue if this is the right name, again fact check me for this thing where you get a piggyback ride from someone and you try to knock someone whos also getting a piggyback ride over in the water

you’re on his shoulders since bro is strong asf and you square up against tim and damian

obviously you lose because hello that's damian wayne we are talking about but at least its fun!!

cass and jason are forever the undefeated champions of shoulder wars though, that goes without saying

Cassandra Cain

shes always seen beach episodes in animes that damian practically dragged her into watching so when she gets to actually go to a beach she is so excited peak sibling bonding is dragging your siblings into your interests

loves building sandcastles and writing things in the sand, watching it get washed away, and then do it all over again

hold her hand and jump over waves together on the shore and she will be the giggliest and happiest human being alive on planet earth

but out of all the beach activities she loves beach volleyball

shes actually scarily good at beach volleyball for someone who has never played volleyball before

dick thought it would be fun to teach her and have a friendly match between him and bruce vs you and cass

yeah bruce and dick were COOKED. huffing and puffing like they have a vendetta against the three little pigs at the end of it while cass is like “this is so fun, lets go again!”

ends the day with a little sunset stroll along the shore i need her so bad you do not understand please bbyg ill treat u soooo well

Jason Todd

beaches are fun on paper for him, in person not so much

PERSONAL HC INCOMING! He gets migraines after the lazarus pit so he can only have so much fun before needing to lie face down with his head covered with a beach towel to make everything less overwhelming or he wears sunglasses the entire time

he brings a book to read at the beach and stays in the shade the entire time yes he is that bitch

usually at home in the comfort of his little library he likes to read things that have an impact on him or just stuff that makes him want to analyze deeper. think books like frankenstein, lord of the flies, all quiet on the western front, just generally heavier stuff

but his vacation books? totally different. usually something super light, maybe a shitty romance book that you find in walmart which are clearly just results of book packaging, or a some booktok recommendation he got for shits and giggles because it just was so laughably bad, maybe even a childhood feel-good book like percy jackson or the little prince (mostly just books he would not grieve over if sand permanently got in between the pages)

he tried reading a colleen hoover book once and honest to God wanted to toss it into the ocean HE WOULD HATE HER BOOKS AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

but out of everything he likes watching you enjoy yourself, his book wasnt that important anyways. show him that funky sand dollar you found or that really cool piece of seaglass, he’s probably gonna bring it home with him. a little keepsake along with the millions of grains of sand that never seem to go away

Tim Drake

Burns so easily

At first its kinda cute, like hes asking you to help him get that spot on his back he just cant seem to reach and its just a little sweet moment between you two as you rub the sunscreen into his sore muscles

But then it happens again. And again. And again to the point when he goes up to you, you automatically reach for the tube of SPF 100+ 

I just know his vitamin d deficiency goes crazy

Leaves the beach looking like a lobster, sunburnt, a crazy bump on his head from getting hit with a volleyball, and some god awful sunglasses tan lines

Overall, beach activities are not really his thing bros job is NAWT beach

Enjoys the boardwalk a lot more than the beach itself, likes the touristy stuff but still goes to the beach because dick loves it and he loves his older brother :(

Damian Wayne

i feel like he wouldn’t care too much for typical beach stuff. like at every beach that has sand and decently clean water you can do most beach activities

one thing that is never 100% consistent at all beaches is what lives on the beaches. this boy will spend hours staring into tidepools 

bruce was lowk concerned because his son did not gaf about normal beach activities that kids do but eventually he reached a point where he was like "i mean at least hes having fun and being safe"

i feel like talia would always show him books of sea creatures when he was little but he never ended up being able to see them in their natural habitat someone take this boy to an aquarium now

tells you fun facts about each creature you come across

will scold you if you take a shell from the beach, definitely says some shit like “how would you feel if someone ran into your house and just took your bed?”  based though, leave shells at the beach yall! taking them is like bad for the ecosystem

brings his notebook around and has little sketches of the sea creatures

even though typical beach activities arent his favourite, he doesnt hate it. he likes that he can catch a break from all the vigilante stuff and spend time with his family as a family and not just as a team

loves scuba diving. idk it just somehow makes sense and i think he would look really stupid in a wet suit

also i feel like he would never mention it but in his mind hes fully thinking "this is just like a beach episode" but he would rather die than say it out loud FUCKING NERDDD

[theboytatu]

I'm curious, do you think baekhyun was shading anyone when he said 'don't make too many celeb friends' as advice on star diary the other day? i thought he just meant like in general but i'm seeing lots of speculations it could be taehyung or ravi shade and idk?

baekhyun never says anything without 100% having an agenda behind it. like right off the bat I want you to know that - as a baekhyun stan - he is completely aware of the way his fans take every word he says and cling on to it and he is also aware that the deeper meaning behind what he says will be probably analyzed by most fans. out of every member he's the one that most often uses that power to set a public narrative/turn an opinion around/do damage control/speak on another public matter he very well can't do explicitly. working in pr and stanning baekhyun is a full time job cause most times i am left reeling thinking about why he said it and how he intended that to work over his audience lol.

anyway all that prelude is to say yes I think when baekhyun said "don't make too many celebrity friends" he was shading the industry but not targeting one idol specifically. I think he did it for two reasons: the main explicit message and the subtextual hidden one.

my guess is the main explicit one is obvious which is: he gave a 16 year old idol who has just started out her career a very wise and common sense piece of advice she actually really needs to remember if she wants to make it in this industry for the long run. I think it came out of a genuine place of caring because people will try to get to you in order to further their own agendas. and since being predatory towards young female idols is so prevalent that advice is twice as important for eunchae

my guess for the subtext hidden message in his very pointed comment probably has to do with a) the way sm mediaplay has been trying to smear exo's image since the lawsuit and how most if not all celeb friends who appear to be close to them didn't lift a finger to defend them, b) the whole bts book bullshit and armys once again jumping to talk shit about exo when no names were dropped - if you remember I already talked about how bts and exo were actually friendly back in the day until bts decided to capitalize on the self victimizing narrative and let their fandom paint exo and other idols as their bullies, and c) to a less probable extent kai's enlistment and the whole ravi thing. i'm less convinced on this last point because we simply can't know how much ravi's situation influenced kai's plus they haven't been as close as the fans want to think they were years ago. kai has said multiple times his only idol friend outside exo is taemin as recently as two months ago so i don't really buy that even though exols seem to think baekhyun was 100% shading ravi which imo is dumb and doesn't really do anything for kai.

but to the people saying it's not that deep or that baekhyun didn't mean anything by it I can tell you right now. baekhyun always always means something by what he says and everything he says is intentional because he's a messy bitch who loves drama but also because he's almost uncomfortably good at shaping his fandom's opinion/view of things

[seijorhi]

asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

[akvtsuki-ari]

Be Mean

Warnings: smut, femdom, degradation, sub!spencer, mild masochism, choking, generally mean shit lol 

Length: 5.3k (ik) 

Authors Note: uhh happy valentines day! not the fic anyone was expecting today and extremely self indulgent but valentines day is about self love too right? lmfao anyways, hope yall enjoy

Summary: Spencer was just a little too into the way you cuss people out and it was starting to weigh on him. You’re more than happy to help him out. 

Words were falling from your lips with grace. Your back was straight as you leaned into the table - the unsub just inches away. He was a narcissist, and his hatred for strong women became increasingly clear the moment you stepped into the room. He wanted to prove he was smarter, tougher, and better than you - but the challenge you reproached him with left his knuckles white. Teeth gritted, jaw clenched, and that same grace - analyzing and cold, never seemed to escape you. 

It didn’t take long for the arrest to fall through - his confession leaving him as he tried to express his pathetic anger towards you. He called you names but nothing creative, not as smart as he seemed to be but you couldn’t help but laugh at him. Soon after he delves into explaining his own genius and the pieces continued to fall together - it was a good case and luckily he didn’t get far after his first 3 victims. Not something that the BAU gets lucky with very often, you think. 

Spencer watched you in the interrogation - eyes fading over your body language carefully. You were unnervingly confident - always were no matter whether it was a killer or not. He took notice of many little things that seemed to make the details of your existence culminate further in his mind. You licked the inside of your lip when you were getting close to breaking the unsub, and your eyes would get a little lower when he started to speak. You rolled your shoulders when you watched him get escorted and that warm, sweet version of you returned to you with no trouble at all. 

It was easy for people to call you BAU’s resident sweetheart. You were charming, witty, and intelligent but also kind. When the team needed someone who people can trust, you were always up there on the list. Your skills of diffusion were particularly helpful, you worked homeland security for a long while and it showed. Your capabilities to ease a tense moment as well as interrogate a criminal in a provocative way has proved helpful time and time again - but who you were was always up in the air. It was a valuable trait to be mysterious in that sense. 

On one hand, Spencer really did like plain Y/N more than anything. You were always particularly kind to Spencer - you remembered his birthday and always texted him right at 12 beating the entire BAU, even Garcia. You brought him soup and cold medicine when he was sick because you were close by and he needed some company. You helped him babysit JJ’s kids because you could and you were fond of them. You were never too impatient and you let him work in silence rather than making commentary about his process. You just got him, and it all seemed to come naturally though you knew things someone could only figure out through careful observation. 

Y/N the Agent was different, though. Still you, when she needed to be. Any cases involving young children, or innocent people in general really showed the other side of you. But you had this moment in every case, where your hyperfocus became so sinister everyone in the department could feel it. They were different sides of the same coin, your traits manifesting themselves in different ways but Spencer had a very particular notice of it. For one, it fascinated him a lot. How could anyone not be fascinated by that? 

Of course though, that wasn’t the only reason but the other half of this whole spiel was a lot more embarrassing but - 

Spencer got unbelievably turned on when he watched you interrogate criminals and - listen he knows okay? He really understands how absolutely not good that is but the memory is so burned into his brain he can’t help but think about it every time it comes up. 

The team was in Arizona working on ritualistic killings from a small tribe, native to the area. You and Reid had been assigned to talk to important community members and there was a head elder dude there who was particularly scummy - though not the unsub. He was too cocky to pull off such elaborate and patient murders so he was ruled out early but he was hiding something and you needed to know what it was. When interrogations went on, you confronted the man about his use of testosterone injections - something forbidden in the community since they believed modern medicine was extremely harmful, part of the killers M.O. 

The conversation between the two of you was short-lived but memorable, to say the least. 

“What happened, elder? Were the village girls not working for you anymore so you sicked your friend on them cause you couldn’t get it up? Was it worth it?,” your voice was thick with distaste and the elder lost his shit. He ended up confessing that he had a strong hunch but he’d only tell if they kept his secret and the lead was correct. 

Spencer's mind hasn’t been able to let go of that moment and every single time a case comes up where you have to confront someone he finds himself having to relieve himself in a bathroom stall or strain himself to get it to just go away. It was killing him really. He had a crush on you sure, always has but his body reacting like he was a 16-year-old boy every time you spoke was not going to cut it but he didn’t know what to do either. 

He finds himself in that same position now, on the plane ride home with the thought of you and your demeanor keeping him from focusing. You were asleep across from him, wearing comfortable clothes that slid just over your shoulders. He couldn’t help the way his eyes lingered on his skin and he tried his absolute best to ignore and go to sleep.

_

When Spencer Reid arrived home, he was pleasantly surprised to see messages from you, asking to hangout in his apartment while your kitchen gets renovated. There was no way in hell he was gonna say no to that, so he tidied his things up and ordered thai food while he waited for your arrival. 

It didn’t take long for you to show, wearing black joggers and a tight tanktop that Spencer has never seen you in before. It looked good on you, accentuating the strength in your shoulders in back. He knew you were decently fit but this was surprising, even for him. You smiled wide as you stepped through the door, giving Spencer a tight hug. He can feel your boobs pressed up against his chest and he wants to kick himself for the shiver that runs off his spine as if he were a teenager again. 

“Hey, Spence. Thanks again for letting me come over today, hope I’m not intruding,” you say softly, as you settle down on Spencer's couch, phone in hand. He nods, smiling. 

“It’s no problem. The food should be here in a minute but do you want a glass of water or anything in the meantime? I also have some lemonade, if you want that,” Spencer offers. You readjust and Spencer watches the way your muscles tense. He shouldn’t be noticing something like that yet here he is. 

“Lemonade sounds great, thanks Spence,” you say, laying into the couch as you scroll through your phone. Spencer excuses himself to the kitchen, grabbing glasses from his cupboard and filling them up with lemonade before returning to you. He places the glasses on the table in front of you, before the sound of the doorbell alerts him. 

You get up, retying your hair as the smell of Thai food hits you. You let out an involuntary moan but Spencer just laughs. The food is set up in front of you, but its far too hot for either of you to eat so the both of you sip on your lemonade and chat instead. 

“Everytime we get a few days off, the paranoia of a case hits the ground running,” you complain, gently. Spencer laughs, nodding his head. 

“Oh definitely. I can’t imagine what it’s like not thinking about it all the time, though,” he explains. You nod your head in agreement. 

“Yeah, but time off is still time off so the plan is to spend the weekend alone with a glass of wine and some romantic films and relax,” you explain, sighing. Spencer looks at you curiously. 

“Didn’t take you for the romance type,” he states curiously. You sigh again, looking at him.

“I’m not for the most part, it kinda serves a different purpose for me than most women I’d argue,” you reply to him. Spencers intrigued by your comment and sits up a bit. 

“How so?,” he poses carefully. You place your lemonade down on the coffee table and scratch the back of your neck.

“Don’t get me wrong, I like being wined-and-dined like any woman. Romance itself is nice, love is wonderful - but the way I wanna be romanced isn’t exactly traditional,” your voice is airy when you speak, laughing at yourself but the revelation maes Spencers weak.

“Traditional?,” he manages to squeak out. You notice his shift in behavior, and you slow down for a moment. 

“We don’t have to talk about that kinda stuff, Spence. It’s more of a girls night thing I’d talk about with Garcia and JJ - though they already know about most of it,” you say lightly. Spencer chokes a bit as you continue to reveal details. 

“No, it's not that. I’m… interested?,” he says nervously, chewing the inside of his lip. You tilt your head, surprised by his curiosity. 

“Didn’t take you for a freak, pretty boy,” you comment, giggling. Spencer's face turns hot, but you reassure him you’re only kidding. 

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t really care for the whole subservient role, especially not in bed. I enjoy seeing someone do what I say, and having things go my way. I’ve always been like that, figured that out with my first highschool boyfriend, hah,” you say, sipping your lemonade. 

Spencer swallows at the realization that you’re probably experienced, very experienced in that department. He shifts in his set again and your eyes settle on him for a moment, neither of you making eye contact but rather observing each other

“I don’t know how to explain it all that well, but I like it when I can be just a little mean, you know,” you say, smiling. Your tone is joking but your words have weight to them. Spencer's throat is closing up as you speak but he smiles back at you fondly. You take notice but hold yourself back. 

“You sure you’re okay, Spencer?,” your voice is different this time. Knowing. Spencer's eyes flutter over to you and he’s aware rather suddenly of your being. The way your chest rises and falls as you speak, the smoothness of your lips around the glass, the way your hair falls over your face. He nods as you observe him. Your lips twitch up into a smile. 

“Spencer, could it be resident boy genius is a sub?,” you say incredulous. Spencers whole face flushes and you find your clit up at attention at the non-verbal confession. 

While he may be oblivious to it, you had a rather massive crush on Spencer. Something about his intelligence was remarkably sexy to you and knowing he was also a good person didn’t make the feelings any easier. Who could blame you for having a crush on Spencer, anway? Most people did - it was part of the reason you never told him. Based on his personality and dating history - it didn’t really seem like you were his type. You weren’t massively intelligent or particularly unique (at least you didn’t think so) so you couldn’t imagine Spencer having a crush on you. You were great, but you didn’t think you were Spencers type, thats all. 

However, that didn’t stop you from thinking about him - really the opposite. Every waking moment you’d catch him doing something absentmindedly you cute - your brain begged to see him fucked out and sleepy. He’d ramble about something for so many minutes and all you wanted to do was sit on his face and shut him up (and then let him continue because he was honest to god so cute like that)

The point was that Spencer really did something to you. You had countless lingering thoughts about him but to know that this was actually something he was into made your head spin. You couldn’t hold your expression back and maybe it was your own masochism that made you want to know more but god did you want to know more.

“How long have you known about yourself, Spence?” you interrogate. Spencer swallows and prays to every deity his mind can manage as he looks at you pleadingly but you can’t recognize what the pleading is really for. 

“How long have you been on the team?,” Spencer speaks before he can really understand the weight of his words, and the second he says the whole room stops. You look at him with delighted surprise and he shuts his eyes at contempt for his own existence. 

“No fucking way,” you can’t help the little inhale you do at the realization. Pure excitement just emanating from your being like nobody's business. You were genuinely going to lose your mind at this revelation. Spencer Reid discovered that hes a sub because of you? Were you dreaming?

If this wasn’t Spencer's apartment he would’ve run away. He just had to look at you instead and face the fact he just revealed his own sins. Your laugh at Spencer revelation made the little nagging voice in Spencers head just a little louder and that meant that - 

“You’re really into whatever you’ve been thinking of huh?,” you say, eyeing the hard-on in his pants casually. Spencer looks down and places a pillow on his lap, wishing to throw his entire existence into a fire and to never ever look back. 

“Shit,” he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s at total wits end with himself and is forced to deal with the repercussions of his horniness. 

On the other hand there was you, eyes full of delight as your mind raced with all the thoughts of what Spencer could be thinking about. Anything was good really, any level of him giving up his control to you was good. It all worked for you but whatever he’d been thinking about specifically had you itching to know. 

“What could it be? I mean - seriously, I have to know what has the beloved Doctor this flustered. You have to tell me,” you say smiling. Spencer just shakes his head. 

“Aww c'mon, do you want me to start guessing?,” you joke. Spencer looks at you that time and you realize that might be key. You look at him in surprise. 

“Okay, well let’s think. It started when we worked together which means it was probably when we were in the field,” you start profiling Spencer, which on one hand he’s not a fan of but on another he’s a little turned on by. 

You chew on your lip as you think for a minute. 

“The work I do on the field sorta depends, but mostly I diffuse situations,” you say softly, really to only yourself. “But also, I do a lot of interrogations, and with the way you reacted to that whole being mean thing, I’m gonna go ahead and place my bets on that,” you conclude. You look to Spencer for approval and his eyes are hazy as he nods a yes. 

You place your glass on the table, and move in front of Spencer. Normally your height isn’t all too important to him but right now your being towers over him and all he can do is look up at you. You wish you had the patience to do a little bit more teasing but you couldn’t hold back too much. Your knee is between his legs as you bend it and lean over him. Your fingers brush his hair back for a moment as you use your knuckle to pull his face up. He wants to refuse but he can’t so he lets you - looking at you tenderly. He’s cute like this. 

“Spence, you know I actually like you right?,” 

“No,” 

You laugh lazily. Your hands on the side of his face, brushing your thumb along his cheek as you look at him adoringly. 

“I like you a whole lot, probably a lot more than like - actually. So whatever we do after this - if you want to do something anyways, it’s because I actually like you,” you say softly. Spencer nods, blush staining his cheeks. 

“I - uh, like you too,” he says warmly. You chew your lip. 

“Can I kiss you, Spencer?,” the way you ask makes Spencer's heart melt. This was you, all at once. No sides of any coins, still kind and warm and thoughtful, but still mean and intimidating in the way Spencer likes. He wants to scream yes, but he nods instead. 

You brush your lips over his for a second, smiling as he moves forwards to gain some contact. You don’t hesitate to kiss him forreal that time, lips pressed to his as your hand lays at the base of his necks, fingers pressing into his throat as he sighs. Your lips are warm, your touch is soft and Spencer could cry with how gentle you treat him. You pull away and brush your nose against his. 

“For someone who kisses like that, I’m surprised you’re so into the idea of being degraded,” you chuckle. Spencer coughs and just looks at you shyly. 

“Yeah, I really am,” his voice is hoarse.

You straddle yourself in Spencers lap and move the pillow. All the sudden contact makes his skin flush and he looks at you needy. Your pants are loose but your tank top is tight, and he finds his eyes looking at your chest before he can think about it. You roll your eyes at him, leaning into his neck to press a kiss on it. He whimpers and you smile - he really is desperate.

“Perv,” you murmur to him.He laughs. 

“Can’t say you’re wrong,” 

“Before we go any further, I wanna give you a safe word. I wouldn’t normally be doing something like this the first time for the purposes of semantics but I want you too badly to wait that long. I want to make sure it doesn’t get to be too much for you, in a bad way at least,” you say softly. Spencer looks at you and kisses you, and you laugh. 

“We can do Red for Stop, Yellow for Slow Down, and Green for Go,” you explain warmly. He nods. 

“Okay,” he says it back to you as he buries his face in your neck. You pet his hair and place a kiss on his head. 

“Tell me what you want, angel,” you say first. Your voice is smooth like silk, the word angel rings out in his mind. It’s too pretty for what he wants you to do and maybe that's why he likes it so much. The juxtaposition to be something so pretty when all he wants you to do is ruin him. 

He wants so much all at once he has trouble verbalizing any of it. It’d come out so incoherent even if he tried but he wants it, whatever the case may be. He feels your hands on his chest while you stare him down. He makes eye-contact and when he tries to look down again your hands force his chin up. 

“Gotta look at me when you say it, baby. Otherwise, I won’t know who you’re talking too,” you say thoughtfully. Fuck - thats hot. Spencer swallows and nods, looking into your eyes as his mind racks itself with possibilities. 

“Wanna fuck you,” he can’t believe how it sounds. He has so much more that he wants - he wants to fuck you while you absolutely take away his ability to cum. He wants to hear your voice when you talk down to him about it - about how hard he is when you get like this, and about how dirty he must really be. He wants to hear you threaten him with the possibility of being blue-balled hanging over his head. He wants you to be so fucking mean to him because he knows it doesn’t matter - he knows all the choice is yours and he really does love to please you and he knows he’s quite the masochist for it. He doesn’t care. 

“I think you wanna do a little bit more than fuck me, Spence,” you giggle. Your eyes turn a shade darker as your hand moves to his throat. His hands are planted to his sides as your grip tightens around his neck - voice cold as you whisper into his ear. 

“I think you want me to fuck you instead, yeah? Watch your teeth sink into your lips while I sit on your dick and make fun of you for how easy you twitch when I move. You’re so easy, Spencer,” the words leave your mouth and spill like wine. The words stain his whole mind with lust - absolutely aching to hear more. Fuck did he want that. 

“Take your shirt off,” you don’t ask. He does so without warning and his eyes beg you do the same. 

“I’ll take mine off when you’ve earned it, unzip your pants,” you reply nonchalant. He holds back a whimper and does so, his cock stiff against his boxer-briefs. You stand up and slide your pants off and your wearing boy-shorts, making Spencer sigh. 

He looks up at you pleadingly, and you smile at him. You walk up to him again and smile, as he looks up at you. You let him lay his head on your stomach as he looks at you, your fingers tucked into his curls. 

You tug them as you force him to look up at you. He groans from his throat as your other hand is placed on the side of his face. His eyes are weary as he looks at you. Your hands threaten to place a hit on him. 

“You should get all that begging under control before there's a handmark on that pretty face of yours love,” you say softly. He looks at you with challenge.

“I don’t think I can, miss,” he says softly. You want to kiss him but you refrain. 

“Color?,”

“Green” 

You lift your hand and place a firm hit on Spencer's cheek. He relishes in the pain, the demand your fingers have in them. You command respect and he knew it deep in him. He groans at the feeling.

“Didn’t take you for the type,” your commentary is sly like Spencer likes it. It’s mean in a witty way, not degrading just to do it. It fits perfect with your demeanor and Spencer adores it. 

You grab a stool from near one of Spencer bookshelves and place it between his legs. You’ve picked up tie from the ground while you sit yourself in front of him

“Stand up and turn around, and put your hands together behind your back,” you say, voice laced with faux boredom. Spencer does as told as you tie his hands together. You stare at him like that, taking note at his figure. He’s slim and it’s cute to you. 

You pull his boxers down and spit into your hand, reaching around to wrap your hands around his cock. He hisses at the feeling, finding his hips rutting into them. He was so desperate for it. 

“There's so much to do with you, I don’t even know where to start,” you sigh. Spencers mind races as your hand moves across him, wrapping around his length tight and letting your thumb run over his slit - just so you could feel how it twitched. 

“I could make you cum like this, facing away from me - too focused on being degraded to care. You’d still get off on that wouldn’t you, angel?,” you say warmly. You stand up and place your hands under his chin. He looks down at it. 

“Spit,” 

He does as told. You drip it across his length and he shivers as you take him back into your pals, fingers curled tightly around his base while your other hand plays with his nipples. Your thumbs flick across them carefully and he whimpers, knees nearly folding at the sensation of pleasure. 

“You don’t seem like one for visuals but maybe it’d be more fun for me if I fucked myself in front you with your hands behind your back. All of what would be on your dick, slick on my fingers instead. If I were nice, I’d let you taste me,” you muse. Spencer throws his head back at your words. 

“Or maybe that type of torture isn’t your cup of tea. What’d you prefer Spencer? You cum so many times you nearly pass out from all the pleasure? At the end of all that, you’d have been so ruined that you’d have nothing to show for it when you came. Your whole body aching pleasure but with nothing left to give,” your thoughts come to you in phases but to Spencer the sound like holy scripture. Dry orgasms sound painful but Spencer was certainly intrigued. 

“I wonder if you’d cry for me, baby. When your dick gets all red and sensitive and it hurts, would I have to wipe the tears off your pretty face? Sounds nice,” your voice is light and makes Spencer want to smile. He didn’t take you for that much of a sadist but he finds himself pleasantly surprised by the revelation

Your grip on his shaft tightens rather suddenly and Spencer whimpers. His voice is shaky, bare chest rising and falling at the feeling of your hands gripped around him. 

“Fuck, please,” Spencer begs you to ease up but he doesn’t really want you too. You sigh, placing a kiss on his back. 

“Please, what? You want me to stop?,” you ask, knowing damn well that it was the opposite. He shakes his head. 

“Please let me fuck you, please,” the need in Spencer's voice was rather nice. You pull your hand off and tell Spencer to lay down on the couch. He does so without question but aches with how much he misses your touch. He moved against his restraints to try and get some friction but no luck.

He watches you as you pull down your underwear, giving him a view to how wet you are. A slick spot just sitting between your thighs, pretty as can be. Spencer's throat is dry, the urge to touch you sending his mind into agony. 

“You talk too much,” your actions speak louder than words as you position yourself over Spencer's face. His neck cranes up to get a taste of you, tongue flatly along your slit trying to get some friction. You groan at the feeling, as Spencer laps at you. Flicking his tongue back and forth along your clit, curling around before sucking it into his mouth for a few seconds at a time. 

“Jesus, Spencer,” you moan out to him, finger gripping in his hair. He wished he could verbalize how grateful he was, but he tried his best to show it instead. He could do this all day if you let him, and if his hands were free he’d wrap them tightly around your hips so you’d lean more weight on him. You could break his neck, honestly. It wouldn't matter to him, the way you had him feeling. 

You grind your hips, rutting against Spencer's tongue as you ride yourself closer to orgasm. The sound of you getting off mixed with the taste of you on his tongue made Spencer feel like he was living off of you and he didn’t mind. You were so good to him. 

“I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you,” is the last words you say before you cum all over Spencer face. Riding your orgasm out, you move and look down at Spencer, face flush. He smiles at you, absolutely ecstatic and you can’t help but laugh. 

“I’ll untie you now, you did so good for me baby,” you praise softly, untying Spencer's hands. The first thing he does is sit up and wrap his arms around your waist. He places kisses along your naval as you pet his hair. He looks up at you, your orgasm still clear on his face. You cup his jaw and kiss him, just a little messy. 

“You're soft, baby,” you note. He nods, seeming sleepy already and you wanna coo at him. He looks up at you again and shakes his head. 

“Be mean to me, please,” his voice is shaky. You’re surprised, leaning down to give him a kiss on the forehead before you agree. 

“Sit back,” you demand. He does so without question as you straddle his lap. He can feel his tip brushing back and forth between your folds as you look at him adoringly, face full of affection mixed with an urge to give him what he’s so kindly asked for. 

You wrap your hands around his neck as you sink down on Spencer cock. It stretches you out slowly, wrapped tightly around Spencer. He hits your cervix with ease. His breathing is labored, his hand holding your wrist as you choke him. 

“Look at you, my love. I’m taking your breath away, and you're giving it up to me just like that? You want me to wreck you that badly huh? I didn’t take your for such a slut,” you utter that last word with false confidence but the way Spencer adores every second of it gives you real confidence instead. He could cum right then and there - hearing you call him a slut makes him feel something rather unexpected. It’s an ultimate powerplay, because the both of you know that right now he’s only giving it up for you, but it implies something so much greater. He likes it so much, likes the sound of bombarding him with pleasure and degradation that when he moans, voice strained as the column of his neck gets squeezed - he doesn’t really know how to stop himself from saying again. 

“You like being a slut for me baby?,” you ask, bouncing up and down on Spencer cock, feeling the way he twitches in you. You let go of his throat, and he coughs before looking at you softly. His fingers run over the feeling of your hands. Your mouth moves to his neck instead, marking hickies into it as he holds onto your hips and fucks into you. He nods his head yes at your question. 

“You’re so needy, love,” you remark, pulling back and using your fingers to rub your clit as Spencer fucks into you. You cum again a second time, convulsing around Spencer's length as you moan his name.

“Please, please can I cum?,” Spencer asks politely. You’d love to tease him more, but you figure it may be too much for him so you just nod. You kiss him softly. 

“Anywhere you wanna finish?,” you ask. He looks immediately at your chest. You take off your tank top and bra and get on your knees for Spencer as he finishes on your chest, voice groaning your name. 

“Y/N - fuck, oh my god,” His eyes are shut in pleasure and you can’t help but smile at him. When he comes down from his high and sees you stood up, looking for your clothes - he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you and pull you down to the couch. You giggle as he does. 

“You did so good for me, baby. You’re such a good boy,” the praises fall from your lips with ease as Spencer mutters a flushed thank you. You reach to the table for a tissue as you wipe the cum off of your chest, making Spencer snort. 

You turn around to be facing Spencer, naked bodies just holding each other. You play with Spencer's hair pressing constant kisses into his shoulders, or on his forehead. Anywhere you can get them really. 

“It’s time for aftercare soon, but we can sit here a little longer if you like. Just no sleeping until we’ve showered and eaten and you’re taken care of, okay?,” you say lovingly, tucking Spencer's hair back behind his ear. He smiles at you softly, the feeling of being pampered like that holding him close.

“Hey, Y/N,” he looks at you with adoration “Will you please be my girlfriend? Cause I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” he says with sincerity. You can’t help but chuckle as you kiss him slowly. 

“Yes, Spence, of course. I’m in love with you too, by the way,” you say back. Spencer simply smiles, hugging you tight and hoping to never let you go. 

______

taglist: @cynbx​ @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @zephyr-studiesjp​ @reid-187​

[taylizmasterpost]

Swiftgron Shows Up, Liz Spirals (March 2012 - September 2012)

This is not going to be a timeline of Swiftgron and their relationship. For that, you can go to the @swiftgronmasterpost​. This is just to show how, when things got serious with Dianna, things deteriorated between Taylor and Liz:

25 March 2012 - Swiftgron go watch the Hunger Games together. Taylor follows Dianna on Twitter afterwards. This is likely their first actual date:

27 March 2012 - Liz tweets this:

Was this in response to Swifgron’s first date? Maybe. Was Liz jealous Taylor had pulled the exact same move on Dianna that she’d pulled on her back in 2009 when she took her to Valentine’s Day? Also maybe. But also maybe not. Still, #Lizgototherapychallenge.

30 March 2012 - Taylor introduces Dianna to her mom, they all get dinner together:

12 April 2012 - Dianna blows a kiss to Taylor on Jimmy Kimmel.

18 April 2012 - Mutual friend Chantelle tweets that she spent the night and early morning hanging out with TayLiz.

Chantelle will post a picture of her, Taylor and Liz hanging out in a kitchen together almost a year later -- when the girls don’t seem to be on speaking terms -- making me think this picture was taken on this night:

24 April 2012 - Swiftgron Shirley MacLane party happens:

27 April 2012 - Taylor and someone (possibly Liz) are papped getting lunch together in LA. The secret message for the song “The Last Time,” which will be written in a few months, is “LA On Your Break.” They’re certainly in LA, and the tour is certainly on break. Perhaps this is Taylor finally ending things with Liz.

Liz tweets at Taylor about Skittles later that day, making me think it was her at lunch.

28 April 2012 - Dianna’s birthday party. Taylor dresses as a tiger and leaves a note on the door with a joke they’d made that reads “I’m a little kitten and I need to nurse because I’m a runt and I’m likely to fall victim to predators.”

10 May 2012 - Taylor posts on Instagram “Going back to Nashville. Thinking about the whole thing. Guess you gotta run sometimes.”

This is from the song Nashville by David Mead. Other interesting lyrics include:

You’re a distant memory, you’re an exit sign I was talking crazy on the driver’s side

I was talking crazy on the driver’s side I will always love you like a long goodbye

The driving references are interesting, considering that Red has the theme of driving all over it. “I will always love you like a long goodbye” also seems to support the theory that Taylor has just finally broken things off with Liz.

15 May 2012 - Taylor finishes writing Everything Has Changed with Ed Sheeran then gets dinner with Dianna Ashley and Claire. The original lyrics of Everything Has Changed talk about “falling for a Gemini,” which describes Gemini Liz, but Taylor seems to have re-fitted the song to be about Dianna and removed those lyrics:

27 May 2012 - Liz’s birthday. Taylor does not tweet at her. No pictures are posted of the party, if there is one.

28 May 2012 - Taylor and Ed record Everything Has Changed:

Late May 2012 - Taylor writes The Last Time:

Here’s what she had to say about the inspiration for the song:

The Last Time is a hard song for me to analyze, not because I don’t have theories about what it means, but because I think Taylor is oversimplifying the story here. To me, looking at this song, assuming it’s about Liz, it reads less like a pleading “baby I want you back” song, and more like an “I’m losing you to addiction song.”

We haven’t fully gotten into this yet, but Liz was dealing with a lot of mental and internal shit at this time. According to rumor, she’s about to be let go from The Agency due to getting “out of control,” and the songs she writes this summer, including Wreck of Who I Am, definitely seem to imply she was trying to claw her way out of a spiral here. When I listen to The Last Time through this lens, it feels more like a last chance, pleading intervention.

Wreck of Who I Am:

And the tide is strong that it keeps me from the land

And I’m low on faith and I pray with shaky hands

Well it hurts like hell tryna tell myself

This ain’t the only thing that’s meant for me

Gotta piece back together the wreck of who I am

The Last Time

This is the last time I’m asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye

And there’s also the fact that The Last Time seems like it was written on if not around Liz’s birthday (May 27).

3 June 2012 - Dianna jokes at the GLAAD Awards about having kissed girls before:

4 June 2012 - Liz does some songwriting of her own with Seth Jones and Megan Mace:

Taylor and Liz’s dresses from Mean are placed next to each other at the Speak Now Tour Exhibition:

10 June 2012 -  Taylor diaries about recording 22, and IKYWT, says she’s already written WANEGBT:

Story behind WANEGBT: I wrote it with Max Martin and Johan Shellback who are two of my songwriting heroes, they’re amazing. And we were in the studio, and we were writing a different song and this guy walks in who I- was- A friend of someone I had previously… dated. And he comes in and he’s like “Oh, I hear you and [redacted] are getting back together” and um that was like his opening line. And we weren’t. We’d done that whole like on/off on/off just the worst. Bleh. And um… And so when he left I just turned to Max and I was like “We are never getting back together. What? That’s ridiculous!” Um and I told them the whole situation as I do ‘cause I tend to share, as you know. And so uh he just looked at me and he was like “I know the song we’re writing today. Let’s start a new one.” And so I got the guitar and it just sort of happened and so uh this is that song.

So what we know from this is that it is HIGHLY more likely that a friend of Liz just happened to walk into the studio that day than a friend of either Jake or Dianna (I’m guessing someone from The Agency maybe? Taylor seems to fumble when choosing how to describe them)

Martin and Shellback are credited on three songs on red -- WANEGBT, IKYWT, and 22. We know Taylor wrote 22 here. She also says she “came back to trouble.” From that I can assume they were trying to write IKYWT when this story took place.

The secret message for WANEGBT is “When I stopped caring what you thought.” To me, this really signals things have broken down between them. Rather than the pleading in The Last Time, this is song is much more distant and moved on, where Taylor is able to have a sense of humor about the breakup.

18 June 2012 - A friend of Liz’s tweets this at Taylor (am I the only one sensing some shade??):

1 July 2012 - Liz does some songwriting in Nashville:

Between this session and the session on the fourth, presumably the songs she’d release later that winter (One Hand On the Wheel, Wreck of Who I Am, and Blessed Are the Brokenhearted) are written here, making it seem like Liz is processing both some depression and a breakup of some sort.

8 July 2012 - Taylor takes pictures with a fan at a coffee shop (presumably in Nashville). According to the fan’s account, Liz was also there, sitting at the table behind them. The fan ends up taking pictures with both Liz and Taylor:

I’m not entirely sure what this means for them. Obviously Taylor has just written The Last Time (presumably about Liz) and then gone off to Hy(i)annis port with Dianna to go frolic in the waves and all that, so I don’t think this means TayLiz is back on. However, we know from fan accounts (which I’ll get to in a second) that Liz thought she was going to be coming on the Red Tour until she was let go from The Agency in September. Perhaps this is some amount of reconciliation? A check in? An ultimatum to get her act together or she won’t be allowed on tour?

Truthfully, we can’t know for sure. But this is one of their last hang outs together (that we know of) this year.

13 August 2012 - Taylor’s Red Youtube Webchat. She describes what some of the songs on the album are about

22: This is a song that I wrote with Max Martin and Johan Shellback and it’s a song about the way I spent my summer when I was finishing this album. Kind of hanging out with my friends all the time and I really decided that I love being twenty two. It’s um kind of my favorite age that I’ve ever been. I kind of have like different theories of the years in my life and like what they meant and 22 has been so much fun. It’s- it’s been so much fun and I decided to write a song about that and just all the ridiculous nonsense that my friends and I got into. And, um, so this one’s called 22.

Treacherous: This is a song that I wrote with Dan Wilson… I’ve always wanted to work with him. So I called him and um it turned out that he was into the idea of working with me. And um so I went in with this idea and uh we wrote a song about when you’re falling for someone and you know that it’s dangerous. And you know that it could really really really really really just annihilate you if it were to not work out and it could possibly not work out and it probably won’t work out, but you go for it anyway. And so this is called Treacherous.

31 August 2012 - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together is released as a single. The MV features the rest of the Agency, but not Liz. Fans take notice.

13 September 2012 - The news breaks that Liz is leaving The Agency and will not be on the Red Tour:

Interestingly enough, according to the L Chat, Liz had been telling fans that she was planning on going on the Red Tour before this point, so something must’ve happened:

And because of this fan encounter below, we have somewhat of an idea of what it was:

So from the combined events of this summer we know this about Liz being let go:

1) Liz wrote songs that summer about having a hard time and trying to claw her way out of it.

2) Taylor and Liz met up twice that summer, and Taylor did not acknowledge Liz’s birthday publicly.

3) Taylor may have written The Last Time, a song about begging someone to choose you over other things (possibly addiction) on Liz’s birthday.

4) Liz thought she was going on The Red Tour.

5) Liz was fired for “getting out of control.”

The picture this paints to me is that, while Liz was spiraling, Taylor was trying to help her, using coming on the Red Tour as a reward for getting her act together. When she ultimately couldn’t, presumably after that meeting in July, Taylor had no choice but to ask her to leave the Agency, since hardcore intense tour life is likely the last thing Liz needed to get better. This is a really difficult and hard situation, regardless of whether or not the two women were ever sexually or romantically involved. 

Fortunately, as we’ll see moving forward, this seems to be the wake up call Liz needed to start the process of getting back on her feet. However, it’s clear that for at least a little bit after this, Taylor became a taboo topic around Liz. But ask anyone who’s dealt with addiction or helped a friend/family member through it -- there’s some resentment that’s bound to happen, even towards the people trying to help.

20 September 2012 - Liz spends “quality time” with Claire and Taylor:

I personally read this as one last hurrah of the trio after Liz was not asked back for the Red Tour. The “not mad at this day” feels a little weird to me too, and I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be shade or not. Either way, this is the last major interaction between Taylor and Liz for a while.

IN CONCLUSION: Liz had her demons. Whether this is what caused the end of her and Taylor’s relationship or something else, it’s almost certainly what caused her to not be asked back on the Red Tour. In the winter, she would release the music she was writing over the summer, making it clear she was going through some shit, probably not helped by seeing Taylor so obviously move on with Dianna. But this is the low point. Things with Liz can only go up from here.

Liz After the Agency (September 2012 - September 2014)

[stxleslyds]

Part 2 of my Under the Red Hood Review

Hello! Here I am again with part two of this review, if you want to read the first part I will link it here!

Let’s continue!

Chapter eight gives us a look into the past, to when Jason was stealing the batmobile’s tires, to one of the first times Jason went out as Robin with Batman and everything was wonderful…then one of the scenes from the past show a Jason that may come off as a bit more aggressive on the job, it’s also shown that he does agree that the level of aggression was unnecessary but that the criminal deserved it anyway.

I know that sometimes people get the impression that Jason was an angry and extremely aggressive Robin, which is not correct, he was a sweetheart (and I am referring to Post-Crisis Jason because that’s what is in continuity in this story) just like Dick (he had forty years of being a sweetheart too, Marv Wolfman misses me with that angsty and angry shit) but I think what’s important here is the fact that Jason saw things differently from Bruce and that does not make him a bad Robin, it makes him a Robin with different experiences and as a human being he is allowed to change his views, also let’s be honest, hormones are a bitch so emotions are at an all-time high so he is bound to change. This does not mean that his death was his fault, Jason felt lost and wanted a mother and he made some decisions but Bruce was the adult and he should have paid more attention to him and his behavior so in this house the only ones to blame for Jason’s death will always be the Joker and Batman.  

Rant over.

Back to the issue we see Bruce, who has been doing tests and analyzing the coffin that Jason was supposedly buried in for hours, he is a whole ass mess but at some point in time he reaches a verdict…There was never a body in the coffin.

In chapter nine we meet Davis McCullen and Alfie Tisner who have a sort of meth lab in Black Mask or Red Hood’s territory, they don’t really know, and they also have a friend that is selling drugs to kids so yeah…they are in big trouble.

As I read I expect Hood to kind of appear out of thin air and kill them but that doesn’t happen, Batman is the one that comes crashing through a window and tells them that if they don’t pack their things and move they are dead because there is a wall full of C4 (that Jason implanted), Batman wastes no time and gets to work on disarming the bomb as he does that Jason makes himself known (trough a microphone) and tells the Bat that there is no way he can do it and that he better run too. Bruce says that the building is empty and there is no reason for him to blow it up which Jason is aware of and then suggests that Batman knows how much good it does to put a little fear into people and…boom.

Look at this little shit.

We soon find out that the building belonged to Black Mask, and that is not the only thing that Hood wants off the map, he is shown blowing up one of Masks trucks that is full of weapons. Here we also learn a bit more about his modus operandi, he never steals drugs or weapons for himself, he just destroys them and while they were expecting that behavior in what Hood deemed his territory, he is now doing it everywhere. We also find out that before he was trying to get Mask’s people to work for him but now he just kills them.

He is, however, taking his cut from wherever he can, so maybe he is building his own empire and his move as of now is eliminating the competition. This theory is proven true when Jason in all his glory and with a bazooka shoots Mask’s office floor.

Mask is pissed off and as he is screaming into the wind an angel answers his call…Deathstroke is here and he wants to play. This is not pleasing for Hood or Batman.  

Slade is working with the Society and Mask wants Hood “Serious dead. Head on a pike, guts on the pavement, me wearing a sweater vest made of his skin kind of dead.” So, Slade sends people to take care of the job.

Mask isn’t pleased though, apparently Captain Nazi (???), Hyena and an unknown third party aren’t enough for him but Slade assures him that they will get the job done, no worries.

The attack on Hood comes when some men are trying to send a “message” to him and here is where weirdo one and two bamboozle our boy.

The fight that ensues is good but is overshadowed by what Alfred says behind the scene, he talks about how Jason as Robin told him that Batman and the legend of what he could do didn’t necessarily scare the “dress ups” the way that it scared the street thugs, so as a consequence they were more dangerous, Alfred true to himself tried to explain that the dress ups probably believe different things about Batman but Jason told him something that shocked him, he said “They all know he won’t kill them.” Which is true, you, me and Alfred know it.

As Alfred continues “talking” the fight welcomes a new player, Batman. He narrates the fight and realizes that they need to team up which comes naturally to them both, in a second they are in synch just like they used to back in the cave all those years ago. As the fight is coming to an end the third party arrives…yep Count Vertigo is here, the fight doesn’t last long though, because there is adrenaline and hyenas and scents the fight is over in no time (I am not explaining that fight, it’s so weird). Captain Nazi is the only casualty and Batman isn’t happy but just like Jason I am okay with it, if he had to kill one of them let it be the Nazi.

Jason obviously leaves and taunts the Bat once more.

Alfred ends the monologue by saying that Jason never understood that it wasn’t Batman’s strength or stealth that scared his adversaries but his resolve.  

So, Batman makes a dramatic promise, “Time for this to end.” dun dun duuuuun

Chapter eleven part one opens with Alfred telling us about one of his and Bruce’s hobbies, they used to collect first editions of books and it soon became a tradition that Alfred then shared with both Dick and Jason…so when he finds a package for him and B that says “Just two to add to the pile. Cheers – Jason” Alfred immediately contacts Bruce.

Back to Black Mask, he apparently decided to set up a meeting with his right-hand men, they think that they are there to evaluate the idea of making a deal with Red Hood so he stops messing up their business and they are right! It’s just that the deal was made between Mask and Hood and it consisted in them being killed off.

 “Are you happy?” Roman asks.

“Getting there” Hood answers.

Back with Alfred we are able to see what is in the package. In it there is a lock of green hair with tissue included so yeah, now they know that Jason has the Joker, and he was nice enough to give them an address.

Once again with Mask and Hood well, let me tell you if Hood is just “getting there” then Mask is just not happy. They get into an argument, a big one, Mask says that killing all his right-hand men should be sufficient but Hood says it isn’t. It goes on for a while and Mask loses his marbles completely, apparently he put everything on the line for the deal but Hood really doesn’t give a fuck. A fist connects with Hood’s face and a fight ensues, while they do that they also yell at each other about the proper way of running the underworld, the fear factor, who is prettier, who is the best gangster and who looks better in biker clothing…you know, the important stuff.

I am not undermining the fight, believe me but it’s just that they talk, punch and throw each other across the room a lot. Sacrifice and what they are willing to do for Gotham or better said what they are willing to do TO Gotham are the last things they discuss.

Just as the end of the fight comes, we once again have Alfred talking in the background about the time Jason died and the time Bruce’s parents died and how different the two instances are, Bruce was a little boy and defenseless when his parents died but when Jason died he had everything, the training, gadgets and abilities the only thing that he lacked was time.

And as it turns out that’s about to happen once more…Batman is going to arrive to the place where Jason and Mask are going at it just in time to see Jason drop dead on the floor.

Don’t worry friends Jason isn’t dead (again) it’s just a random dude with a mustache and Mask is pissed about it, what’s new?

Jason is actually with the Joker, and by “with the Joker” I mean being annoyed by the Joker…he is ranting on and on about how he killed him, how good things come in threes like Batman, Robin and himself. At some point Joker decides that the sensible thing to do next is compare Jason still letting him live with Batman’s no killing rule and then to make matters worse compare Jason’s actions as Red Hood with his own.

I absolutely LOVE Jason in this moment, I swear seeing Joker’s smile fade away brings me joy, he tells him exactly what he doesn’t want to hear. Jason isn’t like the Bat he won’t stay and play his game; this man right here just scared the Joker and nobody can’t tell me otherwise.

Back to Batman, he is trying his best to shake Mask off but the man keeps questioning if he knows who the Red Hood is and why did he let him operate in such a brutal way for so long (and affecting his business, poor thing so sad). Batman basically tells him to stop playing victim, he thinks that Mask crossed a line that someone really didn’t want crossed and that at the end of the day he is just another gagster…which is exactly what Hood had said moments ago trough the helmet to Black Mask, in a moment of great intelligence Mask deduces that maybe Batman actually knows exactly who Hood is.

Batman of course doesn’t answer because he thinks he is slick but the cat is out of the bag. Among the ruble of the helmet that just exploded (yeah the helmet had a built in bomb, that detonated after Mask unmasked the mustache man) Batman finds a message from Hood, a place and “you know where”.

The east end, Crime Alley. That’s where Jason takes him because it’s “fitting”, after all it’s the place where they first met.

Jason tells Batman that the Joker is in the building next to them and that he has it wired to blow it up, so Batman being his stupid self says that he won’t let him kill the Joker (come on Jason why do you want to kill the nice clown man, he is such a sweetheart).

The fight between those two is about to start when the scene changes. An attack, a living bomb called Chemo is being dropped (by the Society) in Bludhaven, Nightwing’s city. And Batman has a front row seat to see the show.

Yep, it’s not a good time to make snarky comments Jason; as far as both of them know Dick Grayson is dead. And the emotion in Batman’s face is heartbreaking, we as the readers have seen impossible situations, characters surviving shit that they wouldn’t in real life but characters within comics don’t know that… so, Bruce just saw another one of his sons die. (Dick is alive though, don’t worry)

Now, Jason has been a little shit during the whole story, but do not think for a moment that the situation somehow brings any form of positive emotion within him, what happens is that he sees an emotionally compromised Batman and well, will there ever be a better chance to manipulate him into feeling even worse?

…If Batman leaves, the Joker dies. So, first choice for the Bat, either he goes to what’s left of Bludhaven and searches for Dick or he stays and doesn’t let Jason kill the Joker.

Batman chooses to fight, and once again they start the same dance but this time B has upgraded his gadgets (you will never catch him wearing the same thing twice! Shame on you!) Jason teases him a little bit about the cape and B burns his jacket…

Batman has a whole speech about how Jason won’t be able to save Gotham or be better than him…that he knows that he failed him and is trying not to do it again. But Jason says that the failure he talks about isn’t really were his problem lies.

There we have it. And I would like to ask the same thing, why is the Joker still alive? Would it actually be so bad if he were beaten to death by someone’s bare hands? (Check out Joker: Last Laugh #6 (January, 2002) for a surprise)  

But that’s not the point, Jason is mad because he doesn’t understand and he feels betrayed, if the mad man kills a fifteen-year-old and then continues to kill and you as Batman aren’t willing to break the cycle of:  1) Joker escapes Arkham 2) Joker does something evil 3) Batman fights and captures him 4) Batman sends the Joker to Arkham 4) Arkham is already corrupt and lets him out after a while or he corrupts/kills a few people into letting him out, then what kind of man are you?

Batman obviously has an answer as to why he hasn’t killed Joker yet. He doesn’t do it because it will be too easy and not only that but he has thought about it…not just killing him but torturing him BUT! he won’t. He can’t really, you see, If he does it once maybe he will never stop (there he goes, the man with a resolve of steel) if he walks the dark path once he will walk it forever. Basically, Batman has zero willpower and zero control…my dude no one believes you!!!! Jason doesn’t either but he does have something to say.

Heartbreaking, that’s the only thing I have to say about these panels, these are panels that have always stuck with me. If you want this conversation to reach a whole new level of emotion I suggest you watch Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010) it’s an animated movie and Jason Todd is voiced by Jensen Ackles (who plays Dean Winchester in Supernatural) which is probably the best casting ever, Jensen is excellent at showing emotion with his voice. I totally know that probably all of you have seen the movie but it’s so good that I really think it’s worth watching again.

It doesn’t matter how emotional it’s for us, Batman can’t and won’t kill him, not even when Jason slides him a gun…so here comes the second time Batman has to make a choice

And he does, well, he uses a batarang to slice Jason’s throat making him let go off the Joker. Jason falls to the floor, a pool of blood around him. As that happens Joker grabs the gun and aims for the dynamite left there (remember that the building was set to go off) and shoots. BOOM!

And that’s the end. All three of them survive although Batman didn’t know that Jason was going to survive, I mean can he actually tell the future or…maybe I am missing something.

And yes, that was the end, I understand that to some it’s just a shitty ending and I don’t blame you…but to me it’s genius.  

It ends with Batman betraying Jason. They don’t make up, Batman doesn’t try to come to an understanding with him, he just makes a choice, he would rather save the Joker before killing or letting Jason kill him, which is bullshit my friends because Jason has been killing this whole story and B has been aware of it.

Jason appears later in Nightwing issue #118 (May, 2006) to #122 (September, 2006) as Nightwing and with tentacles. Don’t worry, you don’t have to read that. After that he appears here and there but personally, I really didn’t catch up with him up until Batman: Battle for the Cowl.

 Anyway, I am going to end it here, I hope whoever takes the time to read this enjoys it, see you around!

[rhinozilla]

“Home”

(DBH Found Family June 2020 challenge hosted by @dbh-found-family Week 1, Prompt 2: Home.)

For years, the house where Hank lived was just that and only that: where he lived. Maybe that was even stretching it. It was where he’d dragged his sorry ass after losing his son, after divorcing his wife, and losing his will to do anything more than the bare minimum to stay alive. That hadn’t exactly been ‘living.’ Yeah, Sumo kept him company, but he was a low maintenance dog who preferred to loaf around anyway.

It was four walls and a roof and a place for him to drink and pass out every night…It had never felt like a home. Hank knew he was shit with words; if pressed, he wasn’t sure how he’d define what a ‘home’ was supposed to be. He just knew how it was supposed to feel. It was…a kid running barefoot down the hall, cackling his head off and being chased by a parent. It was the smell of a meal shared among loved ones. It was where you knew how all the shower knobs worked and knew where the toolbox was. It was all the creaks and groans and pops that a house structure made, and how you knew all the normal sounds from the ones that you should maybe get up and check on.

Maybe Hank had never given this place a proper chance. It sure looked a Hell of a lot different now.

No more takeout boxes and beer bottles piling up everywhere. No more stale food in the fridge and dust on every surface. No more overgrown yard and garage so full of useless junky shit that he couldn’t even park his car in it.

Tonight, it was the spicy smell of chicken fajitas filling the whole house. It was the sound of the basketball game on the television. It was the Connor-shaped dent in the couch from where he had slept on it since the android revolution, ruining the shape of the cushions but Hell, the couch was permanently Connor’s at this point as far as Hank was concerned. It was where he belonged…Well, not the couch…Hell, the house only had one bedroom, but a man deserved a bed to sleep in…Connor never complained though…Maybe there was a way to convert the garage into a bedroom…extend the house a little…insulate it and—fuck, that would be a whole ass project, but…Connor deserved his own space. He was a person, and this was…

This was his home.

Hank paused, sitting on the less-lumpy end of the couch, can of ginger ale held against his lips with that sudden realization. He lowered the can and looked to the other end of the couch. Connor was sitting forward on the edge of the cushion, grappling with Sumo to try and get the rope toy out of the big oaf’s mouth. Sumo had his head down and his rear end up in the air, tail swishing.

“Drop it,” Connor ordered. “Sumo. Drop it.”

Sumo recognized no such order, and he proceeded to very much not drop it. Instead, he just yanked harder back against Connor’s grip on the toy, snorting and drooling all over Connor’s hand. Connor used both hands then and wiggled side to side to try and pry the toy loose. Sumo’s head just bobbed side to side with the momentum, his jaw staying locked around the toy.

Sumo abruptly yanked back again, and Connor nearly popped out of his seat, involuntarily letting go of the rope. Sumo bounced back up onto his feet, then held his head high and trotted over to his bed. He flopped down onto the dog bed and continued to chew on the toy. Connor sighed in defeat and remained where he was, forearms on his knees as he stared at Sumo.

“Fine. Keep it,” he said. “I let you win anyway.”

Hank chuckled, and Connor glanced sideways at him with a smirk.

“You sure told him,” Hank remarked.

Connor snorted and then made a face at the slobbery, hairy mess all over his hands. He looked so disgusted that Hank had to laugh at him.

“Pretty sure you licked the bottom of a shoe today, kid, but THIS is what grosses you out?”

“I did not ‘lick the bottom of a shoe.’ I analyzed a dirt sample left in the treads of the shoe worn by the victim when—“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, you licked the bottom of a shoe,” Hank said, waving him off. “It was fucking disgusting. Congratulations.”

Connor quirked an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t look to be in the mood to continue that same old argument again tonight. Instead, he simply got up and went to the bathroom to clean his hands. When he came back, the game was well into its third quarter, but despite the close score, Hank had a pretty good idea how this one was gonna turn out.

Connor returned to his seat, subtly trying to entice Sumo into coming back over to him to keep playing. Sumo was content to chew on his toy by himself however, and Connor gave up with a pout.

That big, dumb ball of warm affection was back, lodged deep in Hank’s ribcage. It flared up whenever Connor did something like this: just sitting there being himself, away from work and the pressure of maintaining a professional face. It was happening more and more, and it was fascinating getting to see the kid show more of his personality…and who he trusted around him to see him this way.

Maybe that’s what home was. Where you could be weird and free of judgment for it.

Hank couldn’t hold back a smile, thanks to that big, dumb ball of warm affection, and he reached out an arm, dropping his hand lightly against the middle of Connor’s back in a solid pat. Connor looked at him again curiously, and Hank took his hand back, settling into the couch for the rest of the basketball game.

“What?” Connor asked with a small grin.

“Nothing.” Hank shrugged. “You’re just a weirdo is all.”

“Oh, now that is the pot calling the kettle black,” Connor retorted, eyebrows going high.

Hank barked out a laugh. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Just because I can analyze forensic evidence in real time—“

“I said that’s fair!”

“Have you seen your choices in fashion? Because I have, and it makes my optical units want to bleed—“

“Jesus Christ—“ Hank burst out laughing, raising his hands in surrender. “Pipe down with the sass program. I never said being a weirdo was a bad thing! The alternative is being a normal fucking plain bagel.” He pointed at Connor. “Never be a plain bagel.”

“I don’t…know how to interpret that.”

“Forget I said anything,” Hank said with a snort. “You’re fine, kiddo. Perfectly fine.”

He reached out and ruffled Connor’s hair. Connor simultaneously leaned into the contact, like the big Labrador that he secretly was, and leaned away, like the indignant, stubborn jackass that he sometimes was.

“Yeah, well…so are you.” Connor’s retort had the same kind of mixed tone, sputtered out with a snarky grin.

“Good, I’m glad we agree,” Hank said with a nod.

And just like that, they both went back to watching the game. Sumo continued to gnaw all over his chew toy. The basketball game continued to play out on the television.

Just another normal night continued to gently pass in the Anderson home.

[krinsbez]

Random Pulp Hero Thoughts

So, I'm on a bit of a Holmes kick, RN; two of the books I read last week had vague Holmes ties...

-Murder In Old Bombay by Nev March, a mystery set in 19th Century India who's protagonist decides to become a detective after reading the then-recently published The Sign of the Four.

-The Dark Archive by Genevieve Cogman, who's protagonist chose to name herself after The Woman, and who's supporting cast includes Peregrine Vale, a Great Detective from an alternate universe weird steampunk Victorian London who is repeatedly noted as being very Holmes-like.

...and the two books I finished this week and the third I've begun and will finish next week, are even more so. In backwards order...

-There's A Murder Afoot by Vicki Delany, the secondmost recent installment (which I missed on initial publication due to the Current COVID Crisis) in the "Sherlock Holmes Bookshop" series of cozy mysteries, about an expat British woman who runs a Sherlock Holmes-themed bookstore in a small New England resort town and keeps solving mysteries with the Holmesian intellectual abilities she refuses to acknowledge she has. This book has her return to the UK, and introduces the fact that she has a more intelligent older sister who supposedly is a minor functionary in the British Government but clearly is of greater importance.

-The Case of the Baker Street Irregulars by Anthony Boucher, a recently-republished 1940 novel set in then-contemporary Hollywood. When Metropolitan Pictures announces that their upcoming film adapatation of The Speckled Band will be written by Stephen Worth, an ex-PI who's a devotee of the hardboiled subgenre of detective fiction an has made his utter disdain for the Great Detective genre and of Holmes in particular, that early fandom society launches a campaign to get him fired. In an effort to appease the BSI, who's number include quite a few influential public figures, five of them are invited to come to Hollywood and consult on the film. When Worth is murdered, they become the chief suspects...

And finally...

-In League With Sherlock Holmes, the latest anthology of "stories inspired by the Sherlock Holmes canon"  edited by Laurie B. King and Leslie S. Klinger. It comprises...

"The Strange Juju Affair At the Gacy Mansion" by Kwei Quartey. In contemporary Ghana, a police detective consults Superindentendent Mensah Blay, a legendary former member of the Ghana Police Service who has retired to make wooden children's toys, to help solve a crime that has him stumped. Very good, feels pretty Holmesiean despite, y'know...

"What My Father Never Told Me" by Tess Gerritsen. A young woman comes to Britain to dispose of her late father's ashes, and discovers he was part of something grander than she ever imagined. Yecch. This isn't a story, it's the prologue to a story, and also hinges on the idea that Holmes was actually a villain.

"The Case of the Wailing Ghosts" by Joe R. Lansdale and Kasey Lansdale. A duo of occult detectives are hired to break a ghost, and end up dealing with a supernatural murderer. Great story, not sure what it's doing in this book, asides from the two protagonists having a somewhat Holmes-and-Watson relationship.

"The Twenty-Five Year Engagement" by James W. Ziskin. A proper pastiche, pretty good.

"When You Hear Hoofbeats" by Robin Burcell. A contemporary detective story, with minimal Holmesian content, asides from some proper names (the victim is a plastic surgeon named John H. Watson, the suspects are his wife Mary and his business partner Joseph Bell), and the police detective narrator enlisting a former colleague who's become a PI to help solve the case. Good though.

"Mr. Holmes I Presume" by Joe Hill. This is a short essay written as an introduction to...

"Dying Is Easy" a short comic written by Hill, illustrated by Martin Simonds, apparently an installment of a series they did a few years back about a '90s cop-turned-standup-comedian who keeps having to solve crimes anyways named Syd "Shit-talk" Holmes. Not very Holmes-y, but fun.

"The Observance of Trifles" by Martin Edwards. the tale, in the form of a rather ramble-y blog posts and some comments on it, of how a Sherlockian becomes convinced that another Sherlockian who has become wealthy and famous with his works analyzing the Canon, has been plagiarizing him, and sets out to murder the man. All the characters are given pseudonyms drawn from the Canon, and vaste swathes of the text are quotes or paraphrases thereof. Fun, if a bit depressing.

"Infinite Loop" by Naomi Hirahara. An R.A. in 1980s Stanford University, Joann Wat, is forced to enlist the aid of Shel Rock, a Junior who is the dorm's resident drug dealer, when the parents of one of the Freshmen under her ostensible care may or may not have gone missing. Good stuff, not very original flavor-y of course, but there are some neat Holmesian touches asides from the proper names.

"A Seance in Liverpool" by Lisa Morton. A young ACD, about to set out on his stint as a ship's surgeon, before completing his Doctorate, is convinced bya friend to attend a seance. Things do not go as planned, but he gets an idea for a new character...Good stuff, not what you'd expect.

"Benchley" by Derek Haas. A printer's apprentice finds a body and summons the police. More I cannot say without spoiling. I love it, although it isn't quite Canon compliant.

"The Murderer's Paradox" by David Corbett. A tale narrated by Prof. Moriarty, which seems to follow the take that he was a Fennian. Or he's posing as one in order to enlist two young people as part of an effort to mess with Holmes, it's not clear. ACD's defense of the Boer War is crucial to the plot, though I wonder if some of the language used is anachronistic; did the terms "racist" and "Imperialist" in the modern, derogatory sense exist in 1902? Not a bad story by any means, but not for me.

"A Scandal On The Jersey Shore" by Brad Parks. In which a modern-day descendant of The Woman must prove her BFF isn't guilty of murder. A fun romp.

 "The Adventure of the Northwood Bilker" by James Lincoln Warren. A contemporary Forensic Linguist, Shirley Ho, is hired to find a missing journalist who infiltrated a cult. Very good stuff, if a bit technical in places.

"Cumberbachelor" by Maria Alexander. In modern LA, a young woman must find a way to save her sister's wedding when their mother becomes convinced she's become engaged to Benedict Cumberbatch. Good story, not very Holmes-y.

"A Case of Mistaken Identity" by Chelsea Quinn Yarboro. A somewhat unethical therapist treats (or pretends to treat) a brilliant serial killer who believes himself to be Sherlock Holmes. The story hints that the POV character has A Plan in mind for his patient, but never states what said plan is. Not my cuppa.

[ladylilithium]

Hans’ possible Redemption Arc PART 1: Deconstructing Hans' character

Hey, guys! So this is my first post analysis, meta, observation, whatever you wanna call it, so if it’s seems incomplete or lacks of depth please add your opinions as well! Also English is not my first language but argentine Spanish, papá, so don’t judge me plz. I don’t want to encounter with any anti or hater, and if you have the necessity to speak your mind anyways, do it but in a cordial way.

I’m going to divide this post in 3 parts I think, since is very long, and I have a lot to say for my favorite Jerk redhead Prince 😆

Ok, let’s start, shall we?

_________________________________________

1) Is he really a sociopath?

You know, this is something that upsets me quite a bit. The fact that you can just say “Oh well, he’s a sociopath so he’s manipulative and lacks of empathy” is something that annoys me a little, or at the very least, disappoints me. TBH, you don’t need to be a sociopath (a psychological and mental condition) to be manipulative, apathetic or cruel. I’m trying not to rationalize his actions in Frozen, because he still was wrong by harming two innocent women, but by saying that he’s a sociopath it makes his character a little more… shallow? Simpler? My point is, that a shitty toxic person can be anyone, and it simplifies the complexity that they brought on the table on the first place.

But the questions still remains, is he truly a sociopath?

Is tricky, since we know nothing except that his family is shit, and that he is a chameleon, a mirror to other people. By the end of the movie, and by the interviews that Jennifer Lee gave to us, it seems to me that he does have sociopathic traits, but he is not a sociopath per se. Hans can be a sociopath, as much as he could be not, if it’s given a proper character in-depth and backstory.

I think that by calling Hans a sociopath is an easy way to make the GA and the Frozen Fandom to disconnect with him since statistically we have normal-functioning brain, and because people with ASPD diagnose have a negative -though justified most of the time- stigma surrounding them.

2) Grey Morality: The line between good and bad, where we all fall.

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.”  ― Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke.

As I said before, I like the idea of a morally questionable prince. A more grounded, realistic, game of throne-like character as Hans is. What I don’t like, is the seemingly automatic white to black view that we have for Hans,  while at the same time, we have one of our protagonist letting almost die a whole kingdom, and her sister,  to escape her duties and crippling fears –unintentionally, but still-.  An empath or normal person can commit crime or bad things given in extremes situations of distress, anger, etc. And we see that with our own eyes in Elsa. She almost gets tempted to kill two men, you can see the fury in her eyes, in her face. 

It is self defense, yes. But regardless of that, her people knew nothing about her powers and they just knew that she cursed them and ran away. No matter how morally wrong Hans was by trying to kill Elsa, or letting Anna die, he also helped her. He helped them both.

If she indeed killed those men here, I don’t think anyone whould’ve ever trusted her. Not even her own men, whom remember, they witnessed her actions and they were attacked too. 

A normal person lies. A normal person manipulates. Heck, we even can choose to not feel empathy if it is inconvenient for ourselves.  How many times did you pretend to feel empathy for someone just to make them feel comfortable? How many times did you see a homeless person asking for a money and you just walked away?

Again, I’m not trying to normalize these negative traits, but to be sincere about it. And is something that makes us very complex as human beings, we are true neutrals, and we can be good or bad, depending of the actions taken at certain moments, and how it impacts to others.

Yes, some people are irredeemable monsters, but I don’t think that’s Hans’ case. And so he does have redeemable qualities as well, even if it might be for personal gain, or perhaps some of his actions were genuine, we don’t know for sure. 

When did we not see an ambiguous morality in Frozen? Or when did we not see ambiguous morality in some Disney characters, in general? Is hard to find, but we do certainly have our morally wrong characters redeemed. Here are a few: 

- Abused both physically and psychologically Cinderella. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Imprisoned Belle. -Verbally violent towards his subjects and Belle. -Almost harms physically Belle. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Killed a bear out of vengeance. -Let motherless a bear cub, that after he would befriend. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Almost kill a bear out of vengeance too. On top of that, was his own brother (though he didn’t know). CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Tried to kill Simba and take his pride. -(invoked) Forced mating with Kiara. -Almost attacks Simba. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Tried to kill Simba. -Attacked the lionesses of his pride. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-He was an asshole to everyone. -He ordered a guard to throw an old man through a window (still lol). -He tried to let homeless a whole village for his selfish desires. -He betrayed Pacha’s trust. -He let Pacha on his own fate (probably to die). CURRENT STATE: Redeemed. 

-Along with Syndrome, she plotted the death of many superheros, including Mr. Incredible. -Almost kill Mr. Incredible. -She almost kill a whole family, including the children.  CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-He tried to kill Elsa, and let Anna die alone for personal gain. -Deceived Anna, Elsa and everyone else. -Plotted the death of Elsa at some point in the movie (unclear when exactly). -Degraded verbaly Anna. -He tried to break Elsa’s heart to make her give up her life. Redeemable Qualities: -He took care of Arendelle while Elsa and Anna were gone (though, it still can be interpreted as gaining popularity). -He went off to look out for Anna. -He ordered the Arendelle guards and the Merchant’s not to harm Elsa. -He calmed Elsa’s rage, avoiding her to kill. -He tried to reason with her.

Elsa is shown that suffers of guilt and insecurities, yet throughout the majority of the movie, she still rejects Anna and her responsibilities as Queen. Even to a point where she witnesses hurting Anna with her magic,

 yet she just casts her away from her Ice Castle. Or after the misery that she caused -and she’s visibly hurt by that- she’s still thinking of running away, instead of trying to change things. Hans pleaded her to stop the winter and bring back summer, but she said that she couldn’t.

My goal here is not victim-blaming. I’m not blaming Elsa for her insecurities or self-defense actions. But her character at the end of the film, has a lazy realization, and for me, an unsatisfactory conclusion in terms of story-telling, because we never she her develop for herself, or working hard to balance her bad actions throughout the end of the movie, but anyway.

I’m not trying to rationalize morally questionable/wrong actions either. A good action doesn’t cancel the bad one, but my main interest is to analyze the human psyche, character growth and development.

3) Love and Fear: a constant subject in Frozen, and a constant subject for a “Prince”.

So cut through the heart, cold and clear Strike for love and strike for fear See the beauty, sharp and sheer Split the ice apart, and break the frozen heart.

—Disney’s Frozen “Heart”

DID HANS ACT ONLY OUT OF COLD AMBITION, OR HE WAS ALSO AFRAID?

For what we know from A Frozen Heart, interviews and extra information, is that Hans is abused so much by his brothers, that he just accepted their behavior and doesn’t fight back, is something normal for him. Nor he tries to improve his relationship with them. His relationship with his father is also painfully cold and toxic, and their dynamics are comparable to Zuko and Ozai, Tyrion and Tywin, or Theon and Balon. Hans seems to have an inferiority-superiority complex, and so, his pride is fragile and as well (just as previous Zuko, Theon and Tyrion).

But how? He’s very charming, and his body language never shows signals of insecurity (though that’s debatable). Or when he confesses his true intentions to Anna he has a sexy smug smile in his face, and his voice is soft and low, cruel and never trembling. How is that I believe that he was afraid or scared? Well, the movie itself states that he does have a terrible relationship with his brothers, the novelizations extends this to his father. 

So by knowing this, a person copes with the pain and abuse in different ways: Elsa’s fear is hurting her loved ones, so she forced herself to an emotional -and literal- isolation towards them, specially with Anna. In Hans’ case, his fears are being trapped forever in his “home”, and being rejected by his father. So his way to acclimatizing himself in such negative environment, is to avoid his true feelings and morality. Avoiding his true identity, in essence. Thus, becoming into the Mirror Hans (more on that later), allowing him to become the very thing that he actively tried to avoid for years.

I think that here’s the point where he started to panic; where the fear of going back to his depressive life, and the taste of power that Anna gave him when she left him in charge, took him over completely, forcing himself to toss apart any bit of  true morality and compassion that he had for Anna and Elsa. Where his mind started to realize that executing Elsa was the only way to bring things back to normal. 

But is also the fact that Anna dissapeared, and Elsa was the only rightful heir to Arendelle, so his conflict was “What do I do? What’s next?” If Hans decided at the moment to execute her, and Anna was dissapeared, he wouldn’t get to be King of Arendelle, and he would back to his hell home. His conflict is both emotional and materialistic, and fear started to get under his skin too. Some might argue that he’s just reflecting Elsa’s emotions, which is valid, but keep in mind his goals, his backstory; try to read him beyond what the movie told you. Link the dots to picture his mind. 

Some other might point out this scene.

[SIDENOTE: To me, it seems like another atempt to make us dislike him more. In my eyes, is like that the creators tried to manipulate us to hate him, but anyway don’t mind my defensiveness towards him LOL. He’s a terrible person Angie! Stop it, goddamit!]

It interpreted this part as Hans joy of finally seeing the chance of escaping his prisonic home, dehumanizing Elsa completly. WHICH IS BAD regardless. Is he a sadist? The book implies that he takes pleasure in feeling physical pain, but he does not take pleasure on harming others. 

So to me, is a smile of almost getting to win a big bad in a videogame, or well... that’s the type of face when I’m about to eat a pizza so, IDK :v 🤷‍♀️

THE MACHIAVELLIAN KING VS THE MACHIAVELLIAN PRINCE: The Lion and the Fox.

One of the reasons that Hans didn’t fit his family -besides being the smaller and weaker member of them-, is that his morale and philosophy clashed with the imposing, hard power that his father values. Being flexible and benevolent to the common people is a sign of weakness for Hans’ father and brothers. The king sees himself and his other sons as strong and powerful as lions, and he compares Hans to a mouse because he doesn’t fight back, nor shares his value of hard power. The King’s philosophy is kinda like Darwinism with Machiavellian shades. So in one side, we have the cruel side of the Machiavellian philosophy, the one that values fear over love:

“From this arises the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”

“One can say this in general of men: they are ungrateful, disloyal, insincere and deceitful, timid of danger and avid of profit...Love is a bond of obligation that these miserable creatures break whenever it suits them to do so; but fear holds them fast by a dread of punishment that never passes.”

But in Hans’ side, he believes (or puts in practice, at least) that appearances and benevolent acts are better way to influence people, to gain more popularity. This is the softer side of power, the more deceitful and diplomatic Machiavellian route:

“Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are.”

“Never attempt to win by force what can be won by deception.”

“Therefore it is unnecessary for a prince to have all the good qualities I have enumerated, but it is very necessary to appear to have them. And I shall dare to say this also, that to have them and always to observe them is injurious, and that to appear to have them is useful; to appear merciful, faithful, humane, religious, upright, and to be so, but with a mind so framed that should you require not to be so, you may be able and know how to change to the opposite.”

So we see the two opposing sides of the Machiavellian philosophy, one relies on hard power, and the other in subtle power. In essence, Hans’ father rejects the soft power because of his imposing pride and ego. But both characters share the same Machiavellian influence in their beliefs, the only difference is that Hans takes no joy in being cruel and tyrannical, thus preferring the softer, more subtle side of power. 

Yet at the end of the day, he embraces the cruelty, and fails to become the hero he expected to become, and by the time he realizes his mistakes and regains his morality, is too late.

What I’d like to see in Hans’ Redemption Arc, is a discussion between the characters (mainly Hans and Elsa) about this matter. An intellectual battle, and him realizing that his father was wrong. Not so in-your-face, because I can see people getting bored over political philosophy, but in a metaphorical way. And Hans coming in terms that deceitfulness and fear, aren’t the only way to gain trust, but love and true friendship as well. 

He can be a fox, and a lion too.

“The lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Part 2 Here

[kingofthenorth49]

As I walked the thing of chaos this morning I got to thinking about our future, and by our future I’m not talking just the furry beast and mine, I’m talking ours, the current caretakers of the western world.

Yep, going to be a deep dive this morning, there’s a lot to process out there, so grab a Java and open your mind, we need to talk.

I’m a big picture thinker and fact driven, it’s both a blessing and a curse as I tend to over analyze situations at times to determine direction. Data is my friend, facts drive my decisions.

By all measures we are in a world of hurt right now, we’ve lost leave of our senses and we are making really bad choices these days. We are like the teenagers left home for the weekend for the first time and I’m sure our intention was just “to have a couple friends over” even though mom and dad said no, and maybe we know that things could take a bad turn. Problem is when you are a teenager you don’t realize how hard mom and dad worked to buy and build that home you take for granted, and as the police drive away in the early morning hours as you stand at where the front door used to be looking out on the contents of your home on the front lawn like a scene out of Animal House you get that pit of the stomach feeling of the trouble you are going to be in when your parents get back early from their romantic weekend getaway. Problem is you aren’t think about where you are going to sleep tonight.

The majority of human beings are emotional thinkers, people driven by passion and feelings, not logic and reason. Look no further than South Africa. Right now, right this minute there are food lines everywhere, tens of miles long, everywhere. There’s a mass starvation event occurring there and it’s going to get much, much worse in the days and weeks to come. Didn’t know? No? Are you curious why the fact that many South Africans have no access to food right now and yet it’s not plastered on every news feed 24/7 like the sexual deviance outcomes of a piss poor human being?

You see when you get angry and break your toys you only hurt yourself. But most people aren’t rational enough to understand that until they are standing in line 6 miles away from the only open supermarket in their neighbourhood, because they got mad, threw a fit and burned down their communities.

We undoubtedly are one of the most stupid species on the planet. Only humans would shit where they sleep, even my dog is smarter than that, and he’s not the brightest bulb on the tree.

Folks we are on the precipice of a significant mass extinction event, and don’t just take my conspiracy thinking word for it, sit down and do the research. Look at the indicators. Watch the videos of people being shot dead in the streets, watch the riots and civil disobedience going on around the globe. It’s not a matter of if it will happen here, it’s a matter of when, just like dad knew deep down you were going to have that party the minute their tail lights crossed the town limits.

This is what happens when you don’t think before you vote, elect stupid people, and don’t take responsibility for your actions. We’ve spent the last 50+ years diminishing personal accountability to the point everyone’s a victim and it’s not my fault I can’t eat.

Read that again.

I don’t know any species of mammal alive today that bases it’s existence on another, it’s virtually Darwin’s entire theory in action. Only the strong survive, and believe me, they will and the big Problem is in our current state those we elected to protect the common good will be the ones surviving and you and I my friend will go the way of the do do bird.

Get it yet?

We can still stop what is about to happen here, I’m not so sure other parts of the world will be able too, but we could if we wanted too yet all we focus on is how many people have runny noses, not the fact that the ruling class is purposely trying to burn down the world.

As a student of history (hobby, not academic) I know that time and time again we have allowed the ideology of the few to lead to mass genocides that see one group of people kill millions of people who don’t think like they do.

It’s happening again, and like Thelma and Louise we have the foot to the floor.

Right now here at home we have people ready to completely ostracize from society those family and friends that for whatever reason won’t take an experimental concoction in their arm that’s killing a high incidence of those people to protect them from a virus that has a higher survivability rate than most common diseases and if you don’t think this idea won’t end badly then you should run for Congress.

Seriously, Look at it from this perspective. What if this unproven, untested, and entirely novel concoction starts causing serious side effects in a year or two. Not saying it will, but for the sake of a Friday morning discussion, let’s say it starts causing immune systems to over react with the next mutated strain of the virus, like for example Dengue.

You’ve stuck that jab in your entire first response line, your army, doctors, nurses, police officers, etc. They would be the first to go.

Shame really. Who helps those who help?

Again, I’m not saying thats what’s next, but I’m saying as a safety dude that’s a really bad idea.

I’ve come to the realization that soon I’ll be forced to start making decisions that will be life changing because my beliefs are different from the herds, and I plan on living my life by the principles that have worked for me over these past 53 years. I don’t plan on being part of anyone else’s plan, well, at least willingly.

There’s a photo that has stuck in my head since I seen it in a history book back in the 1970’s, I’ve referenced it over the years as a singular reminder why we need to always confront evil when we see it before it gets out of hand and is allowed to run unchecked throughout society, before ideology takes root. It’s a black and white photo taken in the 1940’s of a young mother standing naked on the edge of a pit holding a naked child as a German S/S soldier levels a rifle at the back of her head. The mother is holding onto the child in the most tender embrace and the child is nuzzled into mom. The helplessness on both faces is dwarfed only by the steely eyed fixed gaze of the soldier who is about to follow orders once again.

Maybe she didn’t want the jab.

Do not think it can’t happen again, it already is. Don’t take my word for it, look it up. Do the research. Don’t listen to the media, they are all parroting a script. Think for yourself.

It’s being done on purpose, think of why create confusion in the middle of the worse Global pandemic ever (hint, that’s extreme sarcasm, look up the percentage of the global population that died during the 1918 pandemic and make your own decision of the end justifies the means). We can manage this pandemic now, we just don’t want too. The allure of power is too strong, the love of power and control is a blood lust few will understand prior to experiencing the results.

I have no love of power, although I understand how to use it and when it’s appropriate, but never understood the need to arbitrarily force another to bend to my will, well at least without a vigorous debate on the rationale for the need to bend the knee. That folks us where we fell off the turnip truck, we stopped having discussions and started being told with no room for debate.

That’s why we can’t have nice things right now, we are allowing the stupid people to rule the smart, and in my opinion that’s a bad thing. Look no further than the arrogance of the ruling class, and you can pick hundreds of examples each day of for thee, not me.

If I sexually harassed women at work I’d be fired the day the report was issued after the investigation. If I lied to the ATF on a firearm background check, a class one felony, I’d go to jail for a term not to exceed ten years. If it came out that I was lying to people about things I should be an expert in, you’d think people would eventually not believe me, right?

But not if your in the ruling class, all those examples are real yet you all can see the lack of accountability and the double standard.

Why do you look away?

I think I know why, but I can’t answer for you, you have to live with your choices like I will min, but I wish I lived in a world where people thought enough about others and less about themselves to not force their will on others’ for the sake of power.

Anyway, it’s another rainy day here at the beach, me and the dog are going to go for a walk on the ocean floor and enjoy the solitude of a beautiful august day in the most beautiful part of the world I know, and be thankful for those men and women who last stormed a beach to allow me at least 50 odd years of freedom to explore my life and experience life the way I believe it should be, unmolested and free.

Where do we go from here? It’s within us.

Jim out.

[tinyshinysylveon]

yes please more always more it's so good!!!! even if you don't add anything else- thanks so much for posting everything you've put so far!!! and ahhhhh, that's such an awesome twist!!!

 Ahhh thank you again!! I guess I can think of a few more plot ideas since I also can’t resist thinking more ideas for this au ;v;

+ After Izuku and Katsuki met, the hitman specifically told him that he didn’t want him near him within 5 feet around his ‘personal bubble’ (”You’ll just be a distraction anyways, but don’t think you can run away from me easily.”), and Izuku thought it was because he was being a germaphobe since he analyzed Katsuki doesn’t take his professional gloves off even before going to bed. He didn’t ask until later on as they progressed through their relationship where Izuku can call it “friends but with acquaintances vibes” that he decided to ask him about it (”Do you ever remove your gloves?” “Why the sudden question?” “I noticed you never really taken them off…” “Tch. You’re an observant little shit aren’t you?” “W-well..” “Don’t answer that, the reason why I have it on is so that I won’t leave any evidence behind once I kill you.” Izuku never asked him about it ever again.)

+ The actual reason for Katsuki’s ‘personal bubble’ is because he has trust issues when one of the jobs he’d done before he became infamous almost went wrong with him being set up by the person he’s about to kill. Let’s just say, the victim of his assassination didn’t die an easy death.

+ Izuku’s first impression of Katsuki was breathtaking. He felt like he was drawn to him since the hitman gave out a mysterious aura around him that says, ”you can look, but you can’t touch.” In his head, Katsuki was like a provoked animal who looked tough to crack and Izuku couldn’t be more intrigued. When the blonde announced he was there to kill him once his bucket list was met and instead of feeling threatened like any other normal person would do, Izuku felt as if he was being pulled in when Katsuki’s blazing red eyes met his and in that moment, he couldn’t think straight before answering him adamantly that he wanted to fall in love.  

[jacksgreysays]

I've been really loving "It's Thunder and It's Lightning" by We Were Promised Jetpacks and "Thunder" by Imagine Dragons lately. I feel like there's a thematic link there (obvious in the song titles), but the songs themselves are quite different. Do you think you can do anything with them (together) as a prompt?

I love both of these songs, lionheadbookends! I never really thought to compare them even though, as you said, their titles are similar. I suppose it’s because of when I encountered the songs (years apart, that is) and again, as you said, the feel of them is quite different; but I’ve given them both another listen with the lyrics in mind and I think I’ve got the link.

Thunder by Imagine Dragons is more easily understood as a song–not that simplicity of meaning makes it less musically entertaining–but as a piece of literature it’s fairly straightforward. An age old story of a kid from a (small) town who doesn’t quite fit, who is going to leave and make it big even though no one really believes in them. It’s almost the same idea behind a hero’s  journey–an internal call to action that differentiates the protagonist from the others in their hometown who are satisfied to stay behind.

In Thunder, it’s the vocalist vs the rest of his town/the world, but in a way it’s also the vocalist vs his own determination–can he keep going and achieve his dreams despite all the negativity trying to bring him down.

It’s Thunder and It’s Lightning by We Were Promised Jetpacks is more difficult to parse. Frankly, I’m still not sure how many people are involved in the story. There’s definitely at least two people: the vocalist and whoever the vocalist is going to guide home. That person is probably also the person whose body was black and blue. But there is probably a third person who is threatening to punch out the vocalists lights.

So as a narrative, this song might be about two teenagers dating and one of them has an abusive parent. Unless it really is just about two people in a rather disastrous relationship. But regardless it’s not really about the story so much as it is about the feeling: there’s chaos and violence and fear and at some point the vocalist decides to leave not out of an actual desire to do so but out of necessity, out of survival and desperation. And on top of that, the vocalist is not entirely sure if outside is more dangerous–it’s night and there’s a storm, no guarantee of safety, but at least it’s not where he is now about to get beaten. Bleak, yes, in comparison to Thunder which is uplifting.

In Thunder, the thunder and lightning is a good thing–a goal to be reached, to become so great that you change the sky, everyone looks up to see you, everyone listens; no one can beat you down. In It’s Thunder and Lightning, the thunder and lightning is neutral–force of nature which the vocalist decides is a better fate than the closer, human violence.

Ultimately what connects these songs, besides their titles, is the theme of leaving a toxic place–maybe to follow one’s dream towards a bright future, or maybe just to escape, braving the unknown to get away from the known danger. Moving on to bigger if not necessarily better things because to stay is to stagnate, be victimized, and die.

But you’re not here for an essay analyzing these two songs, you’re here for what I can make from the analysis as a prompt.

—

Frankly, lionheadbookends, whenever I see lightning (or thunder) my brain immediately goes to Tetsuki because she’s… well, she’s it for me. Maybe also Kiyoshi Utsugi–who has Lightning natured chakra as well–but given her specific circumstances it’s hard to apply prompts as easily to her.

Tetsuki is my go to OC–my everywoman, if you will–and this prompt could not be more suited to her. But it’s a very different side to her than I normally explore because it’s, well, less fun?

For me and for her, I think.

Because except for her “first life” that is, Trailblazers in KHR, Tetsuki doesn’t really have a toxic home life either because a) her families are kind if not loving or b) she has no home/family.

In her first life, Tetsuki’s parents were neglectful if not outrightly emotionally abusive. They might have possibly also been physically abusive earlier on–leading to Ryohei and Tetsuki taking up martial arts–but nothing that continued for long.

Were I to ever write Trailblazers properly, there would be a scene where, for the first time since the mafia madness started, Tetsuki’s parents came home (they travel a lot, mostly, hardly ever in Namimori which is why she can get away with so much but also where the neglect comes from) and suddenly the badass, cool senpai who will throw herself into this world of Flames and danger is just a teenaged girl who trembles whenever her parents raise their voices.

There would then be a point where–primarily the Sasagawas, but also the rest of the Family–remind her that she isn’t what they say she is, that she’s more than just a burden or an incompetent or whatever they say of her. And she leaves, probably to live with the Sasagawas properly (whose parents have always been quietly preparing for this day, pretty much have everything but the paperwork done to make her their third child) or, depending on the timeline, to a full-time member of Vongola.

So while it’s similar to the prompt idea, unfortunately, that’s not quite enough.

For this prompt I would probably go with a Viridescent–though I’m not yet sure what fandom would best house this particular episode–in which Tetsuki has the memories of her previous lives but none of the powers.

Which isn’t a combination I’ve yet done, I think. I’ve done powers and memories (Externality, Multiphenomenal, the Power Rangers Viridescent). I’ve done limited powers and limited memories (Iron Will). I’ve done powers but no memories (Deuteranomaly). But I haven’t done no power with memories.

I think I might have tried something like that previously in Big Hero 6 but I’ve put myself off of that fandom, unfortunately, and it wasn’t very good to begin with…

Because here’s the thing. In a new world where she has the memories but none of the powers, then that really brings the validity of the memories into question. If she could just randomly manifest lightning in her hand, that’s close enough to proof for the rest of the odd things in her life. But if she only has the memories and no way to prove it than what is inside her own mind, then there’s no way to tell if maybe it’s all just a delusion.

… which perhaps means it’s an Inception fic?

Hrm… but unless she encounters the characters, there’s not much point in her being in Inception given that it’s basically “the real world” but with mental espionage. And considering that, the memories themselves would give her powers as related to everyone else because she would have the best security ever if not also thorough forges or intricately physics-breaking architecture.

Ah, shit, that actually sounds pretty cool though.

So perhaps the fill to your prompt would be the “prologue” to this Inception Viridescent: like, Tetsuki is born in a “normal world” to awful parents who are, perhaps, so similar to her original, awful parents that it puts the rest of her memories into doubt. Maybe there never were any reincarnations or any fantastic powers, maybe it was just a desperate, over imaginative dream of a girl in a terrible situation.

Maybe she tries to run, tries to go to Namimori only to find it doesn’t exist. Maybe her grandmother was actually named Hisae Kaiza, but she passed long ago and certainly wasn’t a calligraphy/magic teacher. Gotham may very well exist, but there’s nothing on the level of the superheroes she knows (Nolan'verse Batman might very well be a real thing, given all of it is ~science~ and, possibly, Ra’s al Ghul’s “immortality” is him doing a pre-PASIV mind restructuring such that his consciousness gets passed onto a newer, younger body).

As far as she can find, none of her memories are real, and yet… she’d rather try to scrape out an existence out there, which may never be as good as the lives she remembers, than go back home which she knows for certain is worse.

And then maybe it gets worse. Maybe she is snatched–this is an awful world, but a lone teenage runaway who thinks she’s more powerful than she actually is will not survive long–and gets experimented on (there’s a new technology and different countries/companies are eager to be the first ones to crack it). She’s a fascinating subject, but hard to break, and so  they get her addicted to Somnacin thinking that will let them control her.

Maybe she escapes anyway, learns of extraction (and inception), of weaponizing dreaming and imagination, and turns her weakness into her strength.

I’m not saying she eventually ends up as Saito’s on-call secret keeper (extractors learn to fear the shadow of this mogul, the one whose mind can’t be broken into) but that is one way of getting her to interact with the characters. Maybe instead of him being “the tourist” it’s her.

Or maybe she’s just another professional dreamer in the world of Inception, dreaming of worlds and lives that probably don’t exist.

~

Check out the Ask Box Advent Calendar!

[wahbegan]

GATHER ‘ROUND CHILDREN WHILE I HYPER-ANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING IN THE IT (2017) TRAILER

1. First of all, Bill doesn’t stutter at all during the trailer. Now, i know in the book he stutters a lot less around his friends and his little brother, and there’s only him saying the one thing at the beginning to his brother and in the middle when he’s talking about the sewers, but i just hope they keep it intact cause it’s actually semi-important to the plot

2. You can see GULF WAX on the table of shit Bill is building the paper boat out of, not much to see here, it’s just what he waterproofs the boat he gives Georgie with BUT it’s just really nice how much attention to detail they’re clearly putting into this

3. The brothers have a tender moment after Bill makes Georgie the boat, which one of the things the miniseries didn’t make super clear but it’s almost bizarrely tender like they’re saying goodbye like they both on some level know they’re never gonna see each other again and that looks to be the same here

4. The street names and sawhorses with DERRY PUBLIC WORKS on them are another cool little detail reference to the novel

5. The bit where Pennywise pops up is very interesting to me because okay bear with me here he has blue eyes in that shot, right? Just Bill Skarsgard’s natural eye color i’m assuming. Later when Pennywise jump-scares the fuckitty shit out of Bill in the basement (more on that in a second) his eyes are a weird spooky yellow-green color and in most promo images his eyes are just straight-up yellow. This is significant just because, and idk if they put this much thought into it, but in the book when Pennywise first pops up in the storm drain he has yellow eyes and when Georgie looks again they’re blue, specifically the same shade of blue eyes that his mom and brother have. It’s implied to be a deliberate ploy on Pennywise’s part to gain Georgie’s trust. Anyway, that’d be cool if that made it into the movie.

6. The big sweeping shot of Derry is nice, we can clearly see the canal off to the right side of the screen which is important to a lot of the action, being where Ben first sees Pennywise and where minor character Eddie Corcoran meets his death by Creature from the Black Lagoon (Eddie’s little brother Dorsey was brutally killed by their abusive stepfather, an act of violence which starts Its feeding cycle, of which Georgie is the first victim and Eddie is one of the last; more on Its life-cycle momentarily)

7. The boy on the missing poster, Patrick Hockstetter, is a fairly minor character from the book, a creepy sociopath who believes he’s the only real thing in existence and other things exist solely for his amusement. He killed his baby brother when he was 5, tortures animals to death for fun and keeps their corpses in a fridge, and barely registers fear or even physical pain. He does, however, have a deep revulsion of leeches (relatable tbh) and Pennywise sends like an appendage of Itself in the form of a swarm of leeches with fly wings and mosquito suckers, flesh-colored leeches by the way that turn pink and then dark red as they suck your blood isn’t that lovely, to hide in his animal fridge and exsanguinate him before the main part of It shows up to drag him off and eat him. Interestingly, Pennywise, since Patrick doesn’t really fear anything, seems to be unable to decide what form to adopt when It takes him, and appears as a sort of running, melting wax type of figure a scene which is scary as fuck and i really hope makes it into the movie in some way, particularly since that’s really the only reason to include Patrick Hockstetter at all and we already know he’ll be making a physical appearance in the film since someone’s been cast as him.

8. Ben in the library, probably writing the poem that he later gives to Bev. Oddly enough, I don’t think Pennywise actually appears to him in the book during this part, so it’ll be interesting to see how much he makes his presence known. Is it just gonna be the balloon or will he pop out in Dracula form like he does when Ben re-visits the library as an adult? WHO KNOWS

9. When Eddie Kaspbrak finishes Bill’s thought “....clown. Yeah, I saw him too.”, it flashes to him outside the infamous 29 Neibolt Street. This is of course where a syphilitic homeless man propositions Eddie for oral sex and Pennywise later takes the form of the same man in a clown suit, the disease advanced to the point that it can be more accurately described as leprosy. Later in the trailer (right after THIS SEPTEMBER) we get a microsecond-long flash of what appears to be Eddie running away from the Leper, shot in such a way that you can’t really see him, but production shots of him exist and it’s confirmed that Javier Botet (Mama, Crimson Peak) will be playing him, so that should be an amazing scene i’m already calling it as being one of the most iconic of the film

10. Now for the real show-stopper, the slide-show bit. Now, besides the obvious, the timeline of the movie has been moved up such that these kids aren’t kids in the ‘50s, but rather the ‘80s, right around the time IT was actually released. The slideshow freaking out appears to be a technologically updated version of/at least a scene analogous to the old picture book from Mike Hanlon’s father coming to life (the projector does appear to be Mike’s,as he’s the one who immediately starts inspecting it when it starts doing its thing)

11. Henry Bowers and the red balloon. This i believe is the part in the book, based on where the shot is set up, it looks like a front yard or something, where Bowers finds a balloon tied to his mailbox and a package inside from “Bob Gray” (another common alias of It, along with Pennywise) containing the switchblade he uses to murder his abusive father (what is it with King and parents who are fucking jackasses?) and attempt to kill the Losers in the sewers.

12. This appears to be the climactic encounter with Pennywise in the House on 29 Neibolt Street. If you watch, you can actually see Pennywise’s fingers growing out of the clown gloves and morphing into werewolf claws, which is really cool because their plan hinges on trapping It in werewolf form so they can shoot It with silver, but It initially appears to them as amorphous (It usually does when It appears to multiple people at once until one of them, i’m guessing whoever has the strongest concrete fear, says what It is and then It settles into that form) until Richie ,who had previously seen It as a werewolf in the same house, screams out “It’s the werewolf! The teenage werewolf!” so this is probably right after that

13. One of my favorite shots from the trailer because if it’s what i think it is, it indicates some BRILLIANT adaptation-work on Andres Muschietti’s part. Basically, in the book, there are a lot of “interludes”, little bits and pieces of Derry’s troubled history that are inserted into the story to help explain Its life-cycle and would be, in the form they are in the novel, basically unfilmable. It just wouldn’t work pacing-wise and would serve only to confuse the audience. One of said interludes is the fire at the Black Spot, an integrated but mostly-Black club where Mike Hanlon’s father worked that was burnt to the ground by a white supremacist group with people trapped inside. Pennywise, in the form of a giant bird with balloons tied to Its wings, is present and is temporarily sated by this display. (a massacre or otherwise hideous act of violence has to be committed to wake It up, and another must be committed to put it back into hibernation. It’s usually active for about a year before going back into hibernation for about 27). The firelight and burnt hands/door seem to imply that Muschietti has worked this interlude in by having Pennywise taunting Mike Hanlon with a vision of the people who died in the arson/massacre which is BRILLIANT.

14. The sink scene. Of course, the shit coming out of the sink has been ratcheted up a LOT from the miniseries, but is actually fairly close to the book where it first coughs up a single bubble of blood and then belches forth a geyser, coating Bev and the entire bathroom, as well as her father who can’t see it. My only gripe is the blood seems to have been replaced with a black liquid of some kind? I hope that’s just for the trailer and it’ll be red in the movie, cause it just doesn’t have the same traumatic appeal as everything and yourself and your dad being covered in blood and him not being able to see it

15. Pennywise partially obscuring his face with a balloon is something he does at least once in the book to indicate that he’s about to change forms, as the Mummy on the ice that Ben sees. Now this appears to be in front of 29 Neibolt Street, so i don’t think it’s Ben, but probably as he’s about to transform into the Leper for Eddie. But that’s just my guess

16. The final scene. The basement. Now this is a scene that isn’t in the book at all, there’s a similar one towards the end but it’s in Its lair and the rest of the losers are there so i don’t think it’s that. Anyway, even though there’s no way of knowing what basement this is, it’s possible that it’s actually in the Denbrough bothers’ house because, going all the way back to the first part of this post, Georgie so remember that whole bit where he goes into the basement to get the GULF wax, that’s the only part of the book from his POV and he talks about how he’s terrified the whole time of a monster being in the basement, and it’s mentioned that it’s flooded from all the rain Derry’s gotten recently. I’m not sure where this scene would fit in, chronology-wise, but i’m willing to bet it’d be some kind of ironic echo of Georgie’s earlier sentiments or a replacement for Georgie’s scene entirely where Bill is the one who has to go down into the basement and face his fears instead. It also might occur instead of/along with Georgie’s school picture coming to life, but once again this is all pure speculation i have no basis for this other than the location

ANYWAY THAT’S ABOUT ALL FOR NOW wow sorry that was super long i really needed to get that out of my system i’m done now i’ll have mercy and put this under a read more

[loveunbreakable-blog1]

Chapter 14

Thais left the pub happy. She knew I was in good hands and she knew that don’t matter how hurt I was I didn’t give up. She knew I was fighting inside me and someday she knew I was gonna break through that. She wasn’t a very sensitive person like me. She had her own way. She had all those layers to protect herself. Dealing with her feelings was the biggest problem she had. She never wanted to go deep there, always trying to play safe always hiding what she was feeling about people but at the same time provoking an explosion of feelings every time she judges necessary defend herself. Analyze everything and every feeling that was my problem. She wasn’t this way her problem was wait for things to go away. Just pull things aside and wait for the time to take each one of them.

She decided to go to a different pub it was still early in the evening and she didn’t want to go back to the hotel. When she got there she felt nostalgic she had been there so many times and now that place was like a part of her she couldn’t forget. When she got inside all those memories came back. How could she forget about those days when she used to buy beers to Harry that was alone outside waiting for someone to get him something just because he was under age to be in a pub. Those were the darkest days of her life but at the same time they had a gigantic light. He was her light. He did what no one could do in a long time. He brought to life a flame inside her heart. A flame she was scared of. A flame she feared was gonna burn her inside out. A flame that messed up everything she was feeling and she was afraid of all this. She was afraid of letting this flame burn. She was afraid of getting cold again at the end of all that. She didn’t know where to go and how to act next. There were no plans there was no future she just decided that she couldn’t take it anymore so she let the flame consume her even though she was lost even without knowing what road she should take she just let him take control of everything even scared to death she let him take control and when he did she didn’t regret she couldn’t regret something so strong and beautiful. They couldn’t take their hands out of each other for a second. Share the same space without touching each other was just impossible. There was a magnet pulling them closer and closer. She never felt something so strong but she never felt so vulnerable that way and once again she felt afraid. Unprotected. She let all her walls disappear for him and even thought he was her light she could still feel all that darkness surrounding her. She couldn’t believe that she was a light for him too. She refused to believe she was good enough for him and she feared someday he would realize that she knew one day she was going to lose him. Lose her light. Something she couldn’t imagine living without. Someone she wasn’t strong enough to let go. So she started to push him away cause if it was gonna happen someday she wanted it to happen as soon as possible. If she was gonna suffer anyway there wasn’t a reason to suffer at that moment. She didn’t want to delay it. Too keep worrying about the day she was gonna screw up things and he was gonna live her. So she decided to leave him. She decided she was gonna be strong and she was gonna cut this now. She was gonna break that bone don’t matter the consequences. But Harry never was someone that gives up easily. He knew her and he also could see that sometime she was gonna do that sometime she was gonna try to push him away. He just didn’t expect the way she tried to end things up. He couldn’t really see it through he couldn’t understand that the problem wasn’t him. He didn’t realize she had been in the darkness for too long. He thought he could save her somehow. He thought she was gonna heal someday but some wounds don’t heal. Somethings she can’t just forget and even though inside of her there was a light on the outside she could still see the darkness. She didn’t know how to use this light she had inside to break out of all that darkness around. So she ran. Scared of hurting him scared of screwing the person that matters the most to her scared of being left alone and in pain all over again. Too scared to see he would give his life for hers as he proved thousand times. Too scared to believe she deserved him.

And there she was again. In London. Scared of having all that darkness back. Scared of hurting him again as she once did. She was scared of facing the past but she knew she couldn’t run anymore. She didn’t want to run she was too tired to do it all over again. She knew this time she had to face it and she also knew that she was a completely different person as he also was. Even far away and even when they were fighting she never forgot him. She never stopped believing he would be something huge one day. She never stopped loving him. She just couldn’t admit it to herself and to anyone else but it was in her eyes every single time she listened to his voice every time she saw a picture of him. Every time she had some crazy news about him. He has been present in her life and most of the time he didn’t notice it. Being back in London meant a lot to her. She was afraid of everything? Yes, she was but she also was determined to change things she wasn’t going to accept the darkness any longer not as long as she had him. She convinced herself she wasn’t gonna do it all over again she wasn’t going to be the victim and she also wasn’t going to be the bad guy.

If life taught her anything it was that running is never the best option only the easiest and somethings you can’t run from. Now she was someone different and she was going to make things right. She was going to make up for all mistakes she made in the past. She wasn’t going to let him go. This time she was going to fight for him. She wasn’t going to let him down.

-          I guess I was right then. – She heard. She was so concentrated looking around that she didn’t ever realized who was standing in front of her. – Lizzy? – Harry was there and she didn’t even notice when she came in.

-          Oh hi, what are you doing here?

-          Getting a few drinks? How about you? I thought you were going to spend the night with Jackie.

-          Yeah. She is kinda in a date right now so I decided to come here and get a few drinks.

-          And you didn’t think about asking me to show up here. Are you avoiding me Lizzy?

-          No, you know I am not. I was with you yesterday wasn’t I?

-          Yes, but it went so fast. I thought that we would spend more time together when you got here. – He said looking some place far away. She knew it would be this way. She was feeling the exact same thing. She wanted to be next to him too. She wanted to compensate for all those years they spent apart but things weren’t that easy and she knew she needed to be careful about all this.

-          This is not a vacation trip Haz, you know that. I am working here too and there’s also Jackie. She is going through some deep shit and I have to be there for her too. I am sorry if this is not what you expected from me but it is what I can offer now.

-          I know that and I am sorry for acting this way it’s just I miss you more than anything. And now that you are here I miss you more than ever. Just the thought that we are in the same bloody city makes me wanna be even closer to you. – She started to blush. That was an answer she didn’t really expected and she wasn’t prepared for. He was there perfectly dressed looking at her with those gorgeous eyes. Saying he can’t be far from her. That he misses her. And all this made her head a mess. It’s been a lot of time they didn’t see each other. She a famous and one of the busiest designers in the world and he member of the most famous band of the century. It was almost impossible for them to be together and even if they could be the press would kill them both. That’s why they have never been too close. He was the one direction guy. The dream of most teenagers. He was the sexiest man in the world. That made everything even more difficult for both of them. But even though he was this successful person he knew how to manage these images and in that moment he wanted to be only Harold. The guy she met when she was studying English in one of London colleges. They guy who was only a 16-year-old dreamer. He wanted her to look at him and see this guy and not the billionaire he was. Not the sexy guy but her Harry. The guy who abdicated everything just to be with her. The guy that was there every day even when she didn’t want him to be. The guy who insisted in kiss her every morning when she opened her eyes. He was still that guy maybe a more mature version but he was still her Harry and he only wanted her to see it.

-          I know… So you said you were right. What were you talking about? – She said trying to change the subject

-          Oh that. I was with some friends and I said I was coming here tonight and I knew I was gonna find you around even thought it was just the feeling of having you around. – Well, the change of subject wasn’t working.

-          What exactly do your friends know about me?

-          Jus the basic stuff. They know I meet you before I went to The X factor. They know we had something and I guess that’s all.

-          Alright… So what are you drinking today? – She kept going on random questions trying to avoid the breaking point. Avoid trying to surrender as she knew she would do when he started to talk about all the things they had in the past and how he didn’t forget any of them.

-          I don’t know. I really don’t feel like drinking today. It would be a loss if I forget everything about this night, right? – He said with a very sexy smile.

-          Styles stop hahahahaha

-          Do you wanna get out of here? We can go somewhere private where we can really talk.  I mean, I can see people starting to stare at me if someone recognizes me it’s going to be really hard for us to leave this place.

-          Yeah. I guess you are right. So where do you wanna go?

-          I have no idea.

-          So let’s go to the hotel I am hosted then.

-          Fine by me.

Dangerous. She knew it was a really dangerous idea but she didn’t care. Deep down she knew that was what she wanted to. There was no reason to deny things anymore. No reason to run. She was always his and he was always hers don’t matter what. They both knew it. She wasn’t going to regret things anymore. When they got at the hotel and she opened the door Harry looked at her and took her in his arms.

-          I couldn’t take it anymore – He said kissing her. The fire was evident in their eyes. They couldn’t control their bodies anymore. The flame was back again and know it had the intensity of a bonfire. It was out of their hands now.

-          You were never good in control yourself in public – She whispered in his ear.

In the next second he threw her in the bed. The room wasn’t too big. It was like any other hotel room. She closed her eyes she was concentrated in his touch the way his hands would go up and down and how efficient they were in taking all her clothes off. She was immersed in his kisses.

-          I missed you Haz. I really did. – she finally said looking in his eyes. And different form the other times now he knew she meant it. Now he was sure she was feeling the same thing he was feeling. He knew he wasn’t the only one consumed by all those feelings. And he felt good for not giving up for not throwing it all away. He knew that all the nights he spent trying to figure out what was going on with him and what were those feelings he was having were worth it.

-          I love you – He said before kissing her again.

Both of them were consumed by something bigger something greater than everything something only they could define it was their love and it wasn’t close to anything else. And that night they would never forget. That feeling they could never erase.

[msmovingforward]

A Heartfelt Pology: RHONJ S11 E7

We open, as per usual, with scenes from the previous week. The only thing I really noticed was how shocked Marge looked when Teresa told her about Evan in episode 1, which leads me to believe that she truly hadn’t heard the rumor before, and Joe Benigno truly did “mess up his words,” (as he always does).

The episode proper picks up exactly where we left off last week. Teresa storms back into Dolores and Frank’s Shore house, and we’re shown a flashback of Teresa telling Jackie to shove the dildo up her ass. Melissa exclaims that this is bull shit because she wasn’t even born into this dysfunctional family, then for the first of many times this episode, she follows Teresa into the house to see if Melissa can at least be useful for keeping the other Housewives on camera. Has anyone else noticed this? Melissa is not letting ANYONE get away with storming away on the job. If she can’t have her own storyline, I can at least appreciate that she’s the glue holding these women responsible for tearing each other apart.

Obviously, Teresa doesn’t want to talk to Melissa, so Joe Gorga ventures to the bathroom Teresa locked herself into, where Teresa tells him to fuck himself and insists that he kick Jackie out of his and Melissa’s Shore house, or else he’s the WORST BROTHER EVER! In a confessional, Joe once again brings up that Teresa never defended him when Joe Giudice was putting out articles trashing Joe Gorga’s name.

Jackie is completely confused at this point, and decides that she should probably find someone else to yell at. She settles on Joe Benigno and Marge, saying Joe is an asshole for bringing the rumors up at boys night. Margaret has a mini freak out, saying that she defended Jackie to the “fucking core.”

Jackie responds, “Why is everyone yelling at me?! What the fuck did I do?!” Well, let’s see, you said on camera that Teresa’s daughter is doing coke in the bathroom at parties (OK it was an analogy, but I googled it when she said it anyway, and guess what?! She’s a pretty young woman attending one of the nation’s largest party schools. I did coke in bathrooms a couple two, three times in college. So what?!), and you calculatedly asked Teresa if she had confidence in jail, when you know Teresa is basically a wombat with a learning disability stuffed with C4 next to a blow torch. You know what you did, Jackie, just like I think you might have known that you need a boating license to operate a boat! Jackie continues to play dumb poorly as Marge storms off.

Back inside, Melissa continues trying to get her hands in this fight by telling Margaret that Jackie is broken, and Margaret and Melissa need to help her by continuing to gaslight her.

Meanwhile, we cut to a flashback of Frank in confessional saying that, while they did talk about the Evan rumor at boys night, they don’t believe it, “And if we don’t believe it, who the fuck cares?” I hope everyone still remembers the golden rule that what happens at boys night stays at boys night from here on out. Just because there’s cameras there filming a reality television show that will be broadcast to millions of gays and women, doesn’t mean boys night isn’t sacred.

Jackie at this point is clearly extremely intoxicated, screaming that she’s everyone’s punching bag and that she needs to know that all her friends aren’t talking about her behind her back. Finally Dolores, Marge, and Joe Benigno are able to explain to her that the conversation got back to her wrong because Jen was being a shit stirrer, and Teresa is a moron. Jackie and Margaret hug, and Margaret says in confessional that the only one to blame for the whole mess is Teresa.

Teresa comes out from the bathroom and confronts Joe Gorga on the back deck, saying he doesn’t stick up for his sister. Melissa inserts herself yet again, saying Teresa needs to tell Jackie the whole fight between the two of them is over and accuses Teresa of being a sick bitch because Teresa never defended Melissa and Joe Gorga against Joe Giudice when he was trashing their names and treating Teresa like dirt. Melissa runs toward the table and picks up a giant bowl of cheese cubes and slams it down, spilling pepper jack everywhere! The main thing I was confused about was this method of serving cheese on a hot, humid night and in the middle of the actual dinner, nonetheless! Cheese is an amuse-bouche! Melissa immediately apologizes and starts sweeping the cheese off the floor. Now it’s Joe Gorga’s turn to have a freak out. His color switches from that of a large kiwi to a red apple, and he slams his T-Rex arms down on the table, saying that his wife is “100% right. 1,000%!” He says if it weren’t for Joe Giudice, his mother would not be in a grave right now. Melissa is now trying to calm Joe down, saying that it wouldn’t have happened if Jen could just hold her tongue. Somewhere in there, and for any number of reasons, Teresa screams that Melissa is a fucking bitch. At this point, Dolores comes outside, saying that this fight needs to stop here because that’s what Nonno would have wanted. I love how this whole thing is essentially about something that Joe Benigno actually DID say, and no one fights over the fact that Teresa just called Melissa a fucking bitch.

In a confessional, Joe Gorga explains yet again how Joe Giudice “killed” his parents and took time away from his sister. (Personally, I felt safer when I knew Teresa was behind bars, and I live hundreds of miles away, in Massachusetts, but I digress). We’re shown more flashbacks of calls from jail, etc.

Frank points out that Joe Gorga is allowing Joe Giudice to do this to him again. Joe Gorga, Melissa, and Teresa hug it out, and Melissa tells Teresa that Teresa knows Melissa loves her, but I can see the contempt in Melissa’s eyes as she goes in for the embrace. Joe Gorga tells Teresa she needs to squash the situation with Jackie, and Teresa says that she just doesn’t function that way. Teresa barely functions at all, if we’re going to really analyze that...

Melissa, Joe Gorga, Joe Benigno, Margaret, and Jackie leave Dolores’s Shore house. In the kitchen, Teresa says she’s still upset about Jackie’s jail comment, saying that Jackie “throws daggers.” Meanwhile, in the van, Joe Gorga reassures Jackie that the whole things is over because he spoke to Teresa.

When Melissa, Joe Gorga, Joe Benigno, Margaret, and Jackie arrive back at Melissa’s house, Jackie calls Evan and just generally throws more shade at Teresa while she narcissistically asserts herself as the complete victim in the situation, having done ABSOLUTELY nothing to deserve this. Joe Gorga ices his wrist after his run in with the patio furniture at Dolores’s, and Joe Benigno says that he hopes Joe Gorga didn’t fracture his wrist. It’s Target patio furniture for god’s sake! It would probably break if you tried to crack an egg on it! Evan insists on coming to the Shore the following day, even though Jackie begs him not to, but the two agree they will leave if things get heated between them and Teresa.

Back in Dolores’s kitchen, Teresa insists that Jackie doesn’t have a heart. Dolores implores Teresa to apologize to Jackie, but Teresa insists that she already has. Dolores says that Jackie thinks Teresa is a bad person, and Teresa needs to prove Jackie wrong.

Melissa and Joe Gorga are in bed, and they both agree that they need to shut it down if things get out of hand the next day at their gathering. In the other room, Margaret tells Joe Benigno that Teresa only brought up the rumor at dinner to hurt Jackie. Back in the Gorgas’ bed, Joe tells Melissa that he can’t go back to the way things were with the old family drama. Melissa expresses optimism that Evan will come over, and they will squash everything.

The next morning Teresa and Dolores are getting ready together in the bathroom, and Dolores says that she heard a lot of vibrating coming from Teresa’s room the previous night. Teresa reveals that she was having trouble sleeping.

At the Gorgas’, Melissa is slicing what appears to be Spam, and preparing eggs for Joe to make their guests omelets. Everyone remember now, “NO SALT ON THE MARGE’S FOOD!” (Just Spam, which is like 800% sodium!) We’re shown a flashback of the night before of Joe Gorga calling Teresa and begging her to just apologize to Jackie, and we’re shown a flashback within a flashback of Teresa insisting that she will never apologize. Joe seems confident that Teresa will do the the right thing, though.

Teresa talks to her daughter Gabriella on the phone. She’s getting a pedicure. SNORE!

Teresa tells Dolores and Jen that Teresa is going to propose she and Jackie start fresh. Dolores says in a confessional that she understands Teresa’s outbursts because look at Teresa’s marriage to Joe Giudice. We’re shown the clip of Joe Giudice calling Teresa a cunt once again. Bill arrives at Dolores’s house, and they all fill him in on the previous night’s events. Dolores makes a bunch of excuses for Teresa’s behavior, including that she’s stressed out from the divorce and selling her home. Bill tells Jen that she has a great ass, and I’m left to wonder if he’s actually admiring his wife, or the surgical work he’s done on her body.

Back at Melissa’s, Jen gives Bill a massage with her new vibrator on his shoulders and back and tells Bill about how Teresa told Jackie to stick the vibrator up her ass the night before. Bill reinforces the fact that what happens at boys night is supposed to stay at boys night in a confessional. IF WE REALLY EXAMINE THIS, BILL IS THE ONE WHO TOLD JEN THAT JOE BENIGNO SAID HE HAD HEARD THE RUMORS AT BOYS NIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Is Bill really the criminal mastermind here?

Dolores, Teresa, Jen, and Frank Catania arrive at the Gorgas’ pool and the dramatic music commences.

Teresa gives the following apology (or as Teresa would say, pology) to Jackie:

“Listen, Jackie, I don't. I didn't like the way things went down yesterday, and ya know... I.. I'm not tryin' to hurt you in any way. You or your family. Um, so just. Ya know. Can we just drop everything?”

Somehow this non-pology appeases Jackie, and sweet keyboard music is played, but the music soon turns to dramatic cello, as we see the reactions on everyone else’s faces. Jackie says that they can start over as long as Teresa also gives Evan a non-pology face-to-face. Teresa begrudgingly agrees, but questions Jackie’s home training. Teresa is of the opinion that the wife should always be the one to smooth things like this over.

Melissa gives everyone a tour of her Shore house, which is literally so cold-looking, so white, and so empty. She talks about what the Shore has always meant to her and Joe’s relationship, and how proud she is to have this second home now. I know I’m not saying anything ground breaking here, but I don’t believe for a second that Joe and Melissa own this home. This is absolutely another case of a rental property for television. Why would they need a seven bedroom house in Toms River?! If I sign up for grow with Gorga, can I have a house like this too?!

Evan arrives and very politely hugs Teresa. Teresa gives yet another half-assed apology. “ I'm sorry about like... like everything that ya know. Like everything that went down, and I would never wanna do anything to hurt you guys in any way.“ 

In confessional, Marge says it was one of the weakest apologies she’s ever heard, but coming from Teresa, it’s a “frickin’ miracle.”

Joe Gorga congratulates Teresa for apologizing, and says they will never go back to how things used to be between her family and his.

Jackie shows Evan to their room. Evan says that he’d already moved on from the situation with Teresa without a pology, and he reveals that he’s already made three bowl movements that morning. Jackie says she is jealous of Evan’s colon health.

The crew all take wave runners and boats out in the ocean, and Jen reveals that it reminds her of being pimped out by her mother when she was younger in Turkey, sitting in cafes, waiting for potential husbands, being told to shut up and smile because a good husband would never want to marry a woman who speaks.

Jackie and Teresa are suddenly getting along famously on the boat, and Jackie confesses that Teresa’s Jekyll and Hyde tendencies baffle her.

Takeout arrives, and over lunch Teresa talks about how her vibrator helps her sleep because “It releases dorphins or somethin’.” Jen stirs the pot, saying that she had never seen Margaret as mad at Joe Benigno as she was the night prior. Marge defends herself, saying it was unnecessary for Jen to bring the rumors up in the first place at dinner. Jen reminds Marge that Teresa was actually the one who brought it up, but Marge continues to place the blame on Jen, saying Jen was the one who told Teresa to begin with. Jen again claims that Margaret is shooting the messenger. (I love when the Housewives learn a new colloquialism, and they use it incessantly for like four straight episodes). Margaret says that Jen was starting shit purposely to hurt someone. Jackie chimes in, saying that Jen did keep the fight going.

Joe Gorga says in a confessional that he just CAN’T BELIEVE this drama is coming up again! This is so not the way classy ladies like his wife and his wife’s friends usually act. There simply must be a gas leak or something in their rental homes! 

The men take their cue to exit, pursued by a bear, as the following argument between the Marge and Jen begins:

Marge: You're shit starting.

Jen: I am not shit starting!

Marge: I have the right to my opinion.

Jen: As do I. As do I.

The men sit by the bar and discuss how unbelievable all this drama is. Women are stupid, bro. Good thing they got boobs. Amiright?! 

Jen: I mean. I just thought the way you treated your husband last night. That was embarrassing.

There’s a sonic boom sound effect.

Marge: THE WAY I TREATED MY HUSBAND LAST NI--

Jen: You talked so down to him.

We’re shown a flashback of Marge yelling at Joe B the night before.

Marge: Let me fuckin' tell you somethin'! I am gonna tell you something. Don't ever get in between myself and my husband. The way you behave in front of your husband. You embarrass your entire family.

We’re then shown a flashback to Jackie drunkenly faceplanting onto Teresa’s patio, as someone tries to hold her up by her bikini strings, looking like Pinocchio just left the methadone clinic.

Marge: I think you are a sloppy drunk. That's the way you wanna behave, and you think that's upstanding behavior.

Jen: You told us sloppy moments that you've had. You slept with your boss...

Another sonic boom. Dolores gasps.

Marge: Such a douchebag. I'm sloppy. I slept with my boss as a young girl.

Marge (Confessional): Sleeping with my boss was not a sloppy moment. It was an older man in a position of power taking advantage of me, a young girl.

Marge: Do you see what kind of person you are? You take something when I revealed an intimate moment.

Marge and Jen then argue about the fine line between sloppy and vulnerable, while back at the men’s table, Joe Gorga says he can hear Margaret yelling, and Joe Benigno says admiringly, “Yeah, she’s got good lungs.”

Marge: You know why I never fight with your husband? Because he's your fuckin' meal ticket for your whole fuckin' family. You know what? I can't stomach her. Pathetic!

Marge storms back indoors, and Melissa follows, again trying to milk this moment for every possible second of camera time.

Back at the bar, the men astutely observe that meals bring out the worst in their wives, as we’re shown flashbacks to several disastrous dinner and lunchtime fights. Evan says he doesn’t understand why the women don’t just eat protein bars instead of meals and move on.

Inside the house Marge tells Melissa that Jen is a concubine, while outside, Jen tells Dolores that she doesn’t like Marge’s opinion. Dolores asks Jen if she’s ever going to learn her lesson about saying things out lout that she’s unsure whether or not they’re true. Melissa says that just because she threw a bowl of cheese the night before, doesn’t mean they can’t start fresh and be classy today.

In a confessional, Jen says, “I am a social Drinker. I'm not an alcoholic. Ok? Don't project what you went through with your mother on me.” These are fighting words. I have a feeling Jen is in for it from the Marge, who’s “bringing her A-game all day” now. I can’t wait for this bloodbath. It shall be a tragedy bloodier than Macbeth, or at least the Macbeth collection, available at Bed Bath and Beyond.

Teresa, Jen, and Dolores return to Dolores’s house, and Joe starts doing pullups, which thank god because for a second I had forgotten that Joe Gorga is in fact a male with a penis and bro code and muscles and protein shakes, bro.

I have to admit, these Jersey episodes flow like butter this season. I was a little concerned when the episode started out so hot that it had blown its load too quickly, and we were just going to see boring family barbecues and healthy friendships blossoming, but I now fully cannot stand Jen, and I’m excited for the Marge’s retaliation next episode. Melissa says that she hopes dinner will be peaceful, but I certainly don’t, and as Evan pointed out, we’ve all seen what happens when these women get around a table with food on it.