#anyway I have to do a therapy about it I guess

[oleandequill]

You know, it drives me crazy to know that technically there’s two (at least in terms of prominence cause I think there’s also a TFA one though it doesn’t seem as talked about) canonical Shattered Glass continuities: the one made by FunPub and the IDW reboot.

Cause the thing is, those two comics have vastly different Megatrons and Optimus Primes.

Like we have FunPub Megatron who is a mathematician and Optronix who was a librarian that backstabbed his way to the top.

Then we have the IDW versions where Megatron is a miner/civil activist who keeps getting tossed into jail and Orion Pax who is a senator in this version.

And what fascinates me is that in the FunPub version, Optimus actually lives (though he becomes Nova Prime). Meanwhile, in the IDW version, I think he dies (?) or well his fate is much worse in comparison to FunPub!OP.

Also what’s up with both Megatrons having a fakeout death? FunPub!Megatron does get killed by Cyclonus but he comes back as Galvatron. Meanwhile IDW!Megatron gets defeated by OP and is momentarily thought to be dead (he just went into self-exile).

There’s not actually a lot of difference between the two OPs (cause honestly they both seem insane), though I guess one could interpret FunPub!OP as much more depressing cause the only reason he’s evil is cause he saw life as meaningless unless history remembers you and when he becomes Nova Prime, he’s still a little jerk but he’s tamer so I assume that was his original personality. IDW!OP just wants total power and only initially hides behind a nice facade.

The two Megatrons are vastly different though in my opinion. Cause FunPub!Megatron really was just some guy who predicted civil war and was good enough to want to stop it (this Megatron wasn’t affected by the caste system, he just genuinely saw something wrong was happening and chose to do something about it). IDW!Megatron was someone who was affected by the caste system and was trying his best to bring attention to it. FunPub!Megatron is also very nice (like not overly nice but he’s genuinely such a nice guy and this is why he’s my favorite aside from him being a nerd lmao). IDW!Megatron is a bit more jaded (which is fair cause the caste system is horrible and his “friend” is an asshole).

Even the relationship between OP and Megatron are different in both continuities. I’m pretty sure in FunPub these two never interacted before the war, where OP gets pissed that this random mathematician is opposing him. In IDW, OP and Megatron were “friends” with OP even bailing Megatron out of jail, though their “friendship” was already toxic even before the war cause Megatron seemed to really see through OP’s BS.

All this to say, there should really be a crossover between both continuities.

SGFunPub!Megs and SGIDW!OP meeting would be kinda fun and dangerous, especially if they meet each other before the civil war broke out. Megatron wouldn’t know who OP is while OP would see another version of his Megatron who he could possibly trick. Also this has the added bonus of a hilarious scenario where Megatron predicts OP is the cause of the civil war through math and that pisses off OP cause genuinely tf you mean you computed that through math. This one is more dangerous though as OP genuinely wants power and will not be swayed by whatever Megatron says.

SGIDW!Megs and SGFunPub!OP might honestly end up the happier version ngl. Cause OP clearly has an existential crisis that Megatron can probably fix by convincing him that OP can still be remembered in history by doing the right thing… such as being a civil rights activist. Like… I’m just saying maybe FunPub!OP needs therapy (and unlike IDW!OP, he actually gets a canonical redemption arc so he’s not completely lost).

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Anyway, will I write this? Maybe (I really shouldn’t though cause I have a series and two writing requests to finish lmao). Because I am officially employed now and thus have a fixed schedule unlike the previous weeks where my schedule was erratic (which is not good for my OCD as I need a fixed schedule or I will be very upset sksksksk) as I had nothing to do but read, play video games, and exist lmao

[silverspleen]

Me: I am an adult, and have made excellent strides in processing my prior Issues.

My brain: BITCH U THOUGHT

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here

[mercymaker]

brothers, sisters, i literally want to turn myself inside out like those octopus plushies like...

i am SO tired

more and more i feel like i'm not even living anymore. i don't even have a sense of time anymore. my brain is either rotating like a turd in aerated water, attached to nothing, or sticks to the most random tasks like a fridge magnet i have no control over

my life feels like that window of time between waking up and 2pm when you have an appointment scheduled and can't do anything. literally waiting for i have absolutely no clue what. waiting for things to return to normal? to feel like myself? idk man. send help

[gaminegay]

Like do people actually feel feelings in a normal healthy uplifting way or am I carrying water in a sieve

[copperbadge]

As a writer with ADHD who has gone to therapy for years, it has actually been very helpful in gaining tools to sort of "manually" emotionally regulate. My therapist says that writing fiction is a great tool to practice having emotions and regulating them, but like you I struggled with real-life negative emotions, especially a sudden unexpected one. The aftershocks could go on for days. It's had a really positive effect on my life and my relationships, and even my self-esteem. Hope this is useful

Okay, so this is interesting, because we've been talking in the comments of the post about what therapy is or can do, and I think I got stuck a bit backwards in terms of like "This technique doesn't seem like it would work on me regardless."

Because part of it is that I don't want to tell someone what won't work for me if I also don't actually have any kind of goal -- saying "I don't know why I'm here and also I'm going to fight you" is like...one, rude, and two, well then what are we even doing, you know? Why waste the time, I don't enjoy fighting with psychologists. If I don't want to do most of what it entails AND I don't have a reason to go, then therapy's just, you know, not for me. Which is fine, but I'd like to commit to either trying it out or ignoring it, instead of this endless circular motion, which bogged me down a bit in the post.

But if we backtrack to actually having a goal, then yeah, okay, more regulation would not be a bad one. I don't know that I believe it's possible given the only thing I've found that works is, uh, prescription amphetamines, and even then in very limited application, but again: haven't been to therapy in twenty-five years. So while I immediately know many things that wouldn't work, saying "I was diagnosed with ADHD recently and apparently emotional dysregulation is a thing, I've mostly fixed it but maybe there's something that could fix it more" might work. It sounds better than "I don't like this emotion and would like to know how to stop feeling it" anyway, even if the point is the same. And my meds psych is likely to be knowledgeable about specific people who might help me, when put like that.

I keep forgetting my next appointment with him is actually going to be in-person -- they're starting to adjust telehealth rules regarding controlled substance prescription, so he's supposed to get face-to-face with me at least every six months. I like him and trust him but every time I see that "in person" note on my calendar it zaps me back to being a teenager and experiencing the Weekly Dread of the Feelings Hour again. His extremely firm boundaries about Not Being My Therapist and the fact that I'm also kind of pleased to be able to meet him in person are keeping me from cancelling the appointment, at least. And my awkwardness on video calls has already prepared him to deal with Anxious Sam in person, so hopefully nothing will seem amiss.

[your--isgayrights]

Outside of Lee Seolhwa and Lee Sookyung, do you have plans for any other character outside of Kim Dokja’s primary companions (like Gong Pildu or Han Doonghoon) for your soulmate fanfiction? Constellations like Persephone or Uriel or Sun Wukong probably wouldn’t make sense to exist in real life but maybe characters such as Han Myungoh/Han Dareum or Jang Hayoung could fit? If I recall correctly, Jang Hayoung in particular is the one responsible for the title of the fanfiction, right? I feel like she alongside the Unidentifiable Wall and the Fourth Wall would be so thematically appropriate but I couldn’t imagine how you would do it if at all. I also want to say that I’m impressed how you managed to seamlessly incorporate so many references to the original ORV into your work. It must have required you to reread and recheck the wiki.

Yess, I'm glad you asked this anon bc literally I just threw in a little reference to Han Doonghoon and Lee Sungkook in the 4.4 update and got worried people would think they had to remember the characters well to understand the surrounding plot point better than Kim Dokja does. But I think I should trust the reader a bit more lol.

Unfortunately my inclusion of Aileen and Jang Hayoung isn't going to be as big as the other kdjco members, but they're sort of already set up in the fic and have a role in chap 5. I think JHY doesn't appear directly bc to me the relationship between her and KDJ is harder to make 'real,' though I have some ideas depending on how much I decide to include in chap 5. In my plans 5 will have a gaming tourney featured, so other big 'wos players' may be referenced further there as well.

Of course like you mention the fic title and many of the chapter titles are coming directly from the mouth of Jang Hayoung, so in that way she is constantly being referenced, haha.

Han Myungoh and his daughter are referenced earlier in Chapter 4. It's sort of a drive by.

I do make use of the wiki (bless the editorsn🙏), though mostly just to check dates, numbers, and spellings of names. I like to think of myself as someone with a pretty decent memory tho, so a lot of the more specific story references are definitely just me pulling in stuff I remember from my novel read throughs. Like I might have to look at the wiki to remember Han Dareum's name, but I'll never forget Han Myungoh's entire Male Pregnancy that he had like that was a crazy random W to me on my first ORV read through I was like hello??? Also that being around when JHY was being confirmed trans haha. I think I was only out for like a year or so before reading orv so the little gender fucky moments really stuck out to me.

Sometimes rereading my old work I also remember things I forgot happened in ORV. I think part of the reason I'm struggling so much with chap 4 and onward is that now that the wall fic characters have sort of developed to where they are some of the scenes I had in mind are less 1 to 1 with the OG. For instance, I'm trying to rewrite a scene I have of YJH and KDJ having a rooftop chat that like parallels the one back before the seoul's strongest incarnation arc in the novel, but it's a bit difficult. At first I wanted to include a lot more of KDJ interacting with the rest of YJH's team, but the rooftop Scene makes more sense to put a cap on the themes explored in chap 4. But when I first wrote this scene it was less specifically addressing that theme, because it was in the outline of like right after I wrote chapter 1, so it was kind of just the OG ORV scene with the flavoring of my AU on top. A lot of the little things they do and say in the OG novel would have to be quite finagled to fit anymore, so reworking it is the big task rn.

Anyway I'm really appreciative of people like you who take note of these small details <3. it's kind of helping me remember and appreciate a lot of the parts of me that were behind a lot of Wall fic originally if that makes sense? I am like reintroducing myself to him and giving him a hug instead of running away cringing just because it's me lol.

[bigmammallama5]

i turned in my paperwork to start selling pots in our art center's gallery shop, so now i gotta bust my ass again to get some more work churned out (which this is very cool, and i need to provide some mugs for a special instructor's "mug event" now). i went and looked around and there wasn't a terribly broad array of work? cups, bowls, mugs, some smaller serving dishes, mostly functional work. i'm thinking i'll do cups, mugs, some small bowls for ease, then i'm thinking some pumpkins (with or without a face or a lid idk), some little shroomies which are easy and cute, and then if i can get them right maybe some of those tumblers with the half lid for straws? maybe some wild clay slip...

but now bc i'm teaching more and i might have a little extra from this now, idk if i'll have the time to dedicate for illustration commissions like i had been hoping to do. im still gonna think about it, and at the very least might find a new online shop to offer prints that isn't redbubble. it's not a light decision to consider. :/

[lesbianfakir]

Princess tutu tulpa save me save me save me princess tutu tulpa

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

[floral-hex]

fuck, I hate telehealth, but ya know, I think I’d actually like it if it was in minecraft instead of a video call. Let’s do therapy in roblox or something.

[zafiro-anyejo]

Trauma is really just... an alligator masquerading as a log, huh?

[sentimental-sil]

one very good thing about Knowing Bugs that I hope to impart on people who are Afraid Of Bugs (that's okay!) even just a little bit is that once you get to Know bugs, you can feel something crawling around on your leg at night in your dark bedroom and when you turn on your light to look at it you can assess that hey. This Particular Guy is harmless and fine. and instead of feeling scared you can make that assessment and brush him off or put him outside or whatever feels comfortable to do and just go back to whatever chill thing you were doing! because hey you've Noticed and Observed enough bugs now to differentiate the ones that might be dangerous* from the ones that are largely neutral to you! and it's nice to have that knowledge because it helps you feel more secure in your environment (a home is an environment too!) and more comfortable and less scared, and it's always nice to be Less Scared I think <3

*disclaimer: even "dangerous" bugs are inherently valuable and worthy of their own buggy life opportunities, and with time you can learn to be very relaxed around them too! but at the same time if there is a tick crawling up your leg at night unfortunately you do have to recognize that and remove it :/

[discoreptile]

Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!

[mutalune]

on one hand I am very glad that ketamine therapy has been helpful for my severe depression and anxiety and ptsd and whatever else is going on up there, and I’m grateful that it’s available to me as part of my treatment plan

on the other hand I’m not a huge fan of the payment for that help being a 50/50 chance every time of having a bad trip that unlocks some deep scary part of my psyche and then having to address all of that in therapy until the next trip

[eclarinet]

same soup... different day